#I don't feel this way with anybody

[uncanny-tranny]

I think so many people are so deeply alienated from themselves that they have no clue how to exercise their free will and autonomy. For some, this alienation runs so deep that they are afraid of their own autonomy and humanity. It is completely understandable why one would have those feelings, but it can be worrisome.

I want to help others who feel this way, so here are small things I have done to exercise my free will:

Add "guilty pleasure" songs to playlists and actually listen to them (I have a ton of late 1990s-early 2000s music I listen to now proudly that I never listened to in the past out of shame)

Getting the décor item, bath set, bed spread, ect. in the patterns you like, even if it's "childish" (I got a dinosaur-themed wastebasket from the kids' décor section and I adore it)

Taking a new route to get to a place you go to often

Eat dessert first

Celebrate well, and often

Collect things that are "odd" or don't seem like an "acceptable" thing to collect (somebody on my "for you" page collects dandelion crayola crayons and it was so cool!!!!!!)

Incorporate one new piece in an outfit you wear frequently (e.g., a new chain, a necklace, ribbons, bracelets, ect.). Challenge yourself to add onto the outfits if you feel up for it.

Sing along to songs without worrying that you sound "good" or your intonation is completely accurate

Read a book from a genre you weren't allowed to read as a kid (comics, thrillers, mysteries, anything!)

Walk without having a specific destination or goal

Pick up a new craft without expecting yourself to master it or to ever be "good" enough. Get your hands messy.

I don't want to shame anybody for not feeling as though they have free will or that they are exempt from exercising it. However, I wanted to give ideas so that you might read this list and find your own ways to express your intrinsic autonomy and will. You deserve to be a person, to feel alive, not just living. That is what our lives are for.

[seeabout-afterdark09]

Come Closer

Come Closer

Wizkid ft. Drake (March 31, 2017)

This collaboration between Drake and Wizkid is the second song off of Wizkid's album called Sounds From The Other Side. It's a tropical love song where both men talk about the women, they want to put in their life. In his verse, Wizkid is relishing in his fame drinking with women that make him feel good. He's looking for the kind of love he can feel (physically), he doesn't care to chase after a woman when he has a lot of options currently. "When me tune drop, the girls, they bounce along/Me no let nothing come between me and me paper."

Drake's verse however, is different from the tone of Wizkid's. "Too mix up in drama to go outside/Too mix up in drama to free my mind." For the past few years he's been dealing with the beef with Meek, beef with old heads in hip-hop, and dealing with the aftermath of a bad breakup with Rihanna. He wants to step out of the hot seat and just chill so he can think clearly. He has too many jealous people around him that want to see him fail; he needs a change in pace. "What would I do without you, my chargie?/I don't feel that way with anybody/Tell me your secrets, I'm not messy." Chargie is Jamaican Patois for the word "friend", first popularized by the singer Popcaan. Despite having Trinidadian roots, Nicki Minaj has always been more comfortable speaking Jamaican Patois rather than her own Trinidadian dialect because she lived in an area in New York around a lot of Jamaican immigrants and naturally grew up using Patois more. I say this to say, Nicki is very familiar with Jamaican culture and loves speaking Patois around Drake.

They are friends but Drake knows they can be more because he doesn't feel the same with anyone else like he does with her. "Steady it for me, girl, hold steady/I wanna put you in my life/Your hair smell like the tropics, your body look nice." He wants Nicki to be patient with him and just follow his lead. When he mentions the tropics, Drake is referring to when Nicki celebrated her birthday (the year prior) in the Turks and Caicos Islands. "One fuck cyaan hold me, we gotta go twice/I'm here for you, just tell me what you like/I wanna put you in my life." Being with her once isn't enough for him, he doesn't want Nicki around as a casual fuck but as a full on romantic partner. One of the more emotional parts of the year for them was in March when Nicki appeared in a few stops for Drake's Boy Meets World Tour. The energy between them was palpable. When they were onstage together, neither one of them wanted to let go of the other. I personally feel like outside of the tour, the two of them spent a lot of much needed one on one time in Paris together — bringing them closer together during one of the rockiest points in Nicki's career.

[novelconcepts]

The more the show progresses, the more I want to see the 90s cast infiltrating the modern timeline. We've gotten hints of it with Shauna and her younger self, her Jackie hauntings. We've gotten a little more with adult Lottie seeing teenage Nat (and Laura Lee), and with Natalie getting teenage Lottie in her final moments. I want more. I want the teen cast to be absolutely invasive on pivotal adult moments, infecting their adult counterparts when least expected. I want Taissa's argument with Van to dissolve into their teenage selves, their bond endless and timeless and inescapable. I want Misty absolutely wrecked by young Natalie lurking around corners, watching from mirrors. I want to see these women unable to navigate adulthood without the specters of their teenage selves cropping up absolutely everywhere, more and more as they let the memories in, as they stop being able to repress the trauma. They didn't grow up. They never could. You are always doomed to regress around your high school teammates. You are haunted by the phantom elements of your misspent youth. It is a comfort, and it is a gift, and it is a trial, and it is a curse. I would love to see that reflected with greater intensity, until the lines blur, until the timelines have no choice but to intersect. They haven't escaped themselves at all. They didn't grow up. They just got older.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Izutsumi character study

[qcomicsy]

Do I find Damian incredible annoying? Yes Will I fight every single motherfucker who resumes his entire character to violent and 'bad'? Also Yes.

[feluka]

i hateeee jokes about arab parents only wanting sons and not wanting daughters because 1- when it's like that, that's an awful thing and not something to be joked about and 2- it spits on the face of every arab parent who consistently has to put their middle finger up to the world and say fuck you my daughter is my greatest treasure and i'd rather have her than a thousand sons and i won't hear a word against her!! because in my experience these are the most loving parents to be found in the whole wide world

[good--merits-accumulated]

shoutout to Dead Poets Society (1989) for taking the intensely British genre of boys' boarding school drama and making it unerringly American

[queenofmalkier]

I just have to say, there's constructive discussion about what the show isn't getting right and then there's attacking people who are still enjoying it for what it is, more or less labeling them as bad fans or not "true" fans.

(And then getting mad when people call out what you're doing.)

[mypoorsqheart]

I've never been a fan of figayda, I can never seem to get behind the canon lesbian ships of DnD shows rip (except imodna hell yeah), but like,,, Fig is 17?? Imagine being bound by all of time and the immortality of your lover to your first relationship in high school. I just,,, it's so much. Also Fig leaving, and breaking up the found family??? I hate it. Anyway, if figayda is your jam, good for you, I just can't vibe with it, pls just scroll past this

[firstroseofspring]

sketch of sirella i drew in a frenzy after watching the royal shakespeare company’s production of antony and cleopatra

[uncanny-tranny]

Begging, begging, begging people to stop associating aging and femininity in men/masculine people as Wrong and Predatory. Femininity has no age limit.

To any feminine man, masculine person, or really, anybody who needs to hear this: Your femininity deserves to be recognized and celebrated. Aging is a natural and unique part of life, and you don't have to sacrifice your femininity for fear of being "too old" to be accepted or seen as charming. You are already charming.

There is no limit to being who you are. No matter what you're told, you still deserve to completely claim yourself.

[sciderman]

I would say you’re more of a Mr peanut butter type yeah

doggy doggy what now?

[elftwink]

been learning to play ironsworn (gritty fantasy ttrpg which you can play with a gm but is mostly suited for solo or small group co-op gmless play) after having the rulebook pdf for several years (stars finally aligned to remove invisible thing blocking me from reading it idk) because i'm on another solo ttrpg kick & i don't know what took me so long to get around to this game because it genuinely is exactly what i was looking for. years ago when i was playing through solo 5e modules i should have just been playing ironsworn (believe it or not, 5e isn't very suited to solo play and is extremely clunky when you try lol).

also though i have dabbled in some other solo ttrpgs, a considerable amount of them are journaling games which is fun but imo considerably more work (usually by the time i'm a quarter of the way through the journal entry, i know how to entire scene played out and i want to move on to the next gameplay thing, so i get frustrated and bored quickly. it feels like when you solve a level in a video game but don't have the coordination to pull off the necessary move so you have to spend 20 extra minutes doing something you already figured out), so i really appreciate like not needing to write something for the game to progress (ive been taking notes for my own record since im playing solo and thus am not really out loud roleplaying the way you do in a group, but i definitely could do that instead and not take notes and the game would still function perfectly)

& ive been playing by myself but also in the past ive played a lot of ttrpgs in very small groups which has been other games but is mostly dnd and like. we also should have been playing ironsworn so that having a gm was not necessary. have definitely played games where we had to adapt the rules soooo much to do something that is just base game included in ironsworn. plus it's rules-light enough to do pretty complex moves that pose difficulties in bulkier games (ever introduced someone to dnd and they tell you they want to do a sick backflip and catch something and then attack and you have to tell them that will require several different consecutive rolls and some creative liberties with how the rules are 'supposed' to let you move? you can just Do That in ironsworn. use the strike move and describe it. done!)

the one thing is that although it's rules-light enough to theoretically play any setting or genre (some with more difficulty than others), ive found so far that like... the grittiness and sense of threat is very built into the mechanics so that would be sort of difficult to work around or change (but i think it's great from a game design perspective). what i mean is like, okay: you start with 5 max hp. there isn't really a way to raise this max hp, you just slowly gain abilities (assets) that make you less likely to have to lose the hp in the first place, or that make it easier to recover. when you encounter foes, you rank them on a scale of 1 -5, and enemies on the lowest side of this scale do one harm to you, while enemies on the highest side do five harm to you. so even though encountering an epic enemy won't always be deadly due to the assets you have, they are ALWAYS capable of taking you down to 0 hp with one good hit. so the feeling of threat is much more present compared to games where your character starts to be able to just tank and push through a failure or huge threat.

admittedly also i'm playing solo, im still learning how to balance combat, and also i built a character who has NO combat talents and iron (the close quarters fighting stat) is one of my lowest stats so i personally am under much more threat than if you built a character who knew how to fight or who could do deadly harm. but also the other thing about combat is it's extremely difficult to maintain control of the fight; you have to score a strong hit to do it on basically all moves, and there's a really limited pool of moves available when you don't have the initiative, and obviously none of them really favour you. i don't know that this makes combat genuinely more difficult, but it does make you feel like the fight is always about to spiral out of your control. every second you let it drag without decisive action feels like it brings you closer to dying. like i said, this is a feature of the game design and not a problem in any way. just thinking about it because when i was initially learning i was going to try to supplant it into a homebrew fantasy world of my own but the tone just wouldn't be right. and that it is somewhat difficult to replicate the kind of worlds that i typically play or run for dnd, which tend to lean somewhat sillier and definitely much higher fantasy

but i like to try new things and tbh especially in dnd i find that i very rarely feel that sense of threat and when i do feel it, it has nothing at all to do with the actual mechanics and reality of the combat and everything to do with how well the dm sells it to me and makes it sound and feel scary and dangerous. which is a testament to what a good gm can do for you but i do appreciate the threat feeling more built-in and also being actually real.

[tsui-no-sora]

In the midst of all of this I want to say thank you to Shelby for speaking about her abusive situation, because you really don't think it is abuse until you are no longer being abused.

It's not even immeadete it takes a long time, and then you feel silly for trying to be their friend at all.

And more so, when it's odd stuff like that, things that you usually don't think about, like 'biting' as abusive, or about spending a lot of money as abusive, or living in filth, or being constantly lied to, and made to believe like you were the 'crazy person' in that situation.

But it is abusive, and it is dangerous, and you shouldn't be treated that way. Being resented by your partner, and purposefully injured by them, it's terrible mistreament that nobody deserves.

You don't realize how bad it is until you see it happening to somebody else, and you think, of course nobody deserves to be harmed by the person they love, of course I didn't deserve to be harmed either.

So I want to thank Shelby for being so brave, and bringing visibility to these different ways of abuse, as she said, abuse doesn't just look like punching or hitting somebody, even if it isn't 'dramatically' violent it is still abuse.

And her being brave has made people like me feel seen, and I think it will help many other people in similar situations recgonize that they are being mistreated, and that they deserve to be helped too.

Shelby is an inspiration to me now, for being able to make good in the world even after being harmed like that.

I am so happy she's got so many cool friends in her corner. She is so cool

[jankwritten]

yall wanna know how fucked up my anxiety is about some shit

i scroll past a post that's about a topic i don't like. whatever, it's fine. i scroll past a video that's a topic i don't care about. that's normal.

i scroll past a video that's a topic i don't like or care about but the person presenting it is a person of color? i IMMEDIATELY feel immensely guilty and need to "compensate" by "proving" it wasn't because of race by also skipping other random posts, JUST IN CASE someone thinks I'm racist because I didn't want to watch a video on a topic I didn't like or care about, that happened to be presented by a person of color.

this just in on: the police in my brain are loud and i'm scared of them

[nuncscioquidsitamor-13]

This is the last ask i got before i blocked them. Weirdly specific huh 🤷