#I don't talk about it a lot bc it's kinda triggering but my man has helped me so much with my ed........ i am in recovery now.

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

Hi hello I watched all of carmilla in a weekend when I was 17 because a student teacher who in retrospect I had a bit of a crush on mentioned that she knew one of the actresses. also I am pretty invested in all your recent vampire stuff because I watched iwtv in 2 days last week because your edit intrigued me

oh hiiii 🫶 thank you for indulging me. thats so cool that you watched iwtv! did it live up to the expectation?

i also watched carmilla at 17! or like, 17-19. i found it when s2 had just started and followed it to the end. did something permanent to my brain but i think it was a good thing. on rewatch now im like, i was right to like this. like it's a solid show, it's good. it has its flaws obviously but it's well written, the emotional moments still get me, i can see why i liked it and i still like it now even when it's not anymore, you know, meeting every need that baby gay me didnt even know they had

what it doesnt reaallyy do though - i dont remember if i posted abt this or if i left it in my drafts but - is explore vampirism as a concept. their subject matter is more lesbianism than vampirism. which is great! thats what they wanted to do and they did it and it's very good. but reading interview with the vampire the book rn im realising how much potential vampires have to be metaphors for like so many things and i started wondering like 'wait, did carmilla just not really engage with it or did it all go over my head'. but it just didnt really engage with it all that much. which again is fine bc that wasnt what they were doing. im glad they were more about the lesbianism than the vampirism

but there's this interesting difference in framing, because in iwtv they keep calling armand 'ancient' right? and emphasising how old he is. and he's like 500? and i was like 'wait isnt carmilla like 400?'. she isnt, shes 340, but still, thats getting there, you know? and we know quite a lot about her history, but kind of just the Big Events. when she was turned, the events of the novella, coffin of blood, silas. thats sort of what we know. but none of the long lonely slog of history day to day you know? with armand i feel like we can really feel how much time everything takes. how every one of those years is made up of single days. with carmilla i dont feel that as much. i keep kind of thinking about daniel, when louis calls him a boy in the first episode, saying "im an old man, with all the triggers that come with it"

because carmilla might look 18 (or mid twenties at this point) but she has lived all that time. shes also seen her native land be claimed by like a succession of ruling powers, right? like armand. shes been buried alive, like louis. when lestat is born, shes already 80 years old, shes lived a whole human lifetime, and the entire adult part of it shes been a vampire. shes lived through 1680-1870 being a lure. i compared her to abigail hobbs in some tags on a post, i dont know if youre familiar with hannibal the tv show, but i do also kinda keep thinking about that comparison

if youre not familiar, in the first episode of hannibal the murderer of the week is this guy garrett jacob hobbs who kills and cannibalises girls who resemble his daughter. and later on it turns out she was made to be his lure. like they'd go places and he'd sent her to the victims to make friends and maybe get them back to their home or smth. not sure if they specified all the details. but that's what carmilla did for mother. and in s2 we hear from mattie that while every couple of decades carmilla had to lure victims for the fish god, she also seemed to just enjoy humans between those times, right? like the doctor, gets lonely, gets a new companion. but we've only sort of got mattie's mocking word for it ("dont eat him, hes a poet! or her, shes got such a wonderful voice. or that one, shes just too pretty to ruin"), we don't know exactly from carmilla's point of view what she was doing or why. if mattie's talking about stuff that happened after the blood coffin, 1950-now, then i think it's a fair assumption based on what carmilla says in the s1 sock puppet show that after she'd figured out what the real situation was and what her role in it was, when she'd started trying to save girls from being sacrificed, that she mightve been doing the same trying to save people from becoming mattie's victims. it's probably more likely that she was just trying to find excuses to stop mattie from sucking someone dry rather than actually having like an aesthetic based morality. but it might be a bit of both. im still trying to figure out what her philosophy actually is, like i dont know what existentialism actually means ghkfjghkj but i will

i also found it pretty striking in the movie when shes turning back into a vampire she says like "this was supposed to be done, you know? the blood lust, the self-loathing, the sleeping tied to a chair in my own bedroom". thats what defines her vampirism, wanting blood and hating yourself for it (the third part is a joke/reference to s1 but also i think meaningful for how she sees her relationship with laura when she IS a vampire. little bit of that 'she will reject me for my monstrousness' shining through). and thats what defines vampirism for lots of vampires across the genre obviously, but i dont know, it struck me. we dont get a lot from carmilla's pov, we know a fair amount about her, but the story is always told through laura. we get laura's diaries, but just snippets here and there from carmilla, what shes thinking, how shes feeling

and i love that shes a philosopher. i love that thats how she seems to try and find something to hold onto, in a world that kind of moves around her, having been murdered, kidnapped, turned and groomed to be a lure on the cusp of adulthood, never having been properly loved (the relationship with her father wasnt good she says in s3, and her mortal mother i dont think has ever been mentioned (like laura's)). the only good relationship she seems to have had for the better part of 3 centuries seems to have been mattie, and mattie seems to love being a vampire. i can imagine carmilla just sort of going along with anything mattie wants to do just because shes so desperate for that friendship. not like, against her will necessarily really. but more like, she hasnt even had the space to develop her own will, you know? and philosophy lets you do that. philosophy gives you frameworks to understand the world and to develop your own opinions on it. and by the 21st century she seems to have developed those opinions, she has a sense of her own values, but shes also still stuck in that same situation. shes jaded and cynical in the face of laura's optimism and strong moral code a lot of the time in s1 because she feels probably pretty powerless. like she does what she can to save some girls but at the end of the day shes scared of her mother and she has nowhere else to go really, right?

i like how she grapples with that over the course of the series, in tandem with laura grappling with her black and white morality. she sort of jumps ship from her mother to laura bc theyve fallen in love, but then laura still stuck in her hero thinking refuses to see her monstrous side. not literally bc i think the biological vampirism never seemed to be a problem for laura, but morally. the having murdered. carmilla needs laura to see that and love her while seeing it bc the last girl she loved rejected her for being a vampire.

but you see her kind of swing back and forth in s2. she softens first with laura but then they break up and she leans back hard into the sarcastic cynic defense mechanisms, leans hard into "im a monster, dont expect heroism from me". but thats like, it's sort of learned helplessness i think. it's powerlessness, resignation. bc morally shes not a monster. maybe she doesnt have as strong a drive to help other people as laura does and is a little more selfishly hedonistic in that she just wants to enjoy her/their life, but she doesnt hurt people for fun, she never has. she just sort of didnt have another option for a Really long time. so she pretends she doesnt care. "im a vampire, this is what i do, this is who i am". but clearly from the way she talks about it when she turns back into one, she doesnt enjoy it

and i like how she goes even further in s3, where she starts swinging even more to the heroic side, bc she sees hope. shes like "wow if we kill my mother, i'd be free". theres hope and she becomes like a lot more active. and shes like that at the start of the movie too, a lot happier, a lot more relaxed, and then vampirism is back and bam depression gfhgkjh like shes immediately more gloomy, ashamed of her past and her self, retreats into herself

sorry i just took this as an opportunity to dump all the carmilla thoughts floating in my head on you. you didnt ask fhkghgjh consider this an open invitation to you or anyone else to come talk to me about carmilla

[vivihar]

i have so much to say about tomerus so it’s going here

so first they’re the divorced couple who hate eachother and are mildly successful and have lives for themselves and mansions and cars and severus is eyeing young boys across the room at posh parties and tom is glaring at the back of his head daring him to even try and get anyone that is him and they’re dancing with two different people, kissing them, letting their hands trail while keeping full eye contact and smiling at each other JUST TO RUB IT IN

and they probably try and kill eachother and talk shit about each other to other party goers who are just wanting to chat abt like…rich people shit idk. and then they accidentally find each other in the bathroom and they’re like wild animals clawing and gripping and biting at each other and then walking out like it’s nothing just to go back to shit talking each other until tom gets a message that says ‘i’ll pay for your cab’ so yes he IS going to see his annoying but sexy ex husband

————

and they’re DEFINITELY the ‘you’re going to kill me?’ ‘i’ll do just that.’ ‘well, go ahead.’ ‘i’ll do this my own way.’ ‘you won’t do it. you can’t pull the trigger. you can’t do it because you love me. it takes a very brave and cold man to do that, sev. i don’t think you can. isn’t that true? isn’t that why you’re waiting?’ ‘that’s not true-’ ‘or is it because you want to watch your victim? you want my heart to constrict with agony, my hands to shake. you want me to plead for my life so you can make a generous gesture and spare me.’ while dressed like this

————

i love a good jennifer’s body reference and especially loser sev, jennifer tom js bc of the whole plot of the film and the homoerotic friendship with a hint of ‘you’re killing people!!’ ‘no, i’m killing boys.’

————

tbh i LIKE tom being in charge but severus having a man that stays at home and does whatever he asks is also a very big thing for me with them…like severus makes him wear a cute dressing gown (i put below) and stay at home just being pretty and he just wants someone to bring along to his expensive parties to piss off his old ex husbands with his smile saying ‘look how cute my husband is’ with tom just nodding along to whatever he says.

————

i think they definitely have each others names/initials carved into them somewhere and their bite marks tattooed (at most scarred) into their skin…btw…

OKAY IM DONE !! LOVE YOU VIVI !!

(these are the fits for the first paragraph but i found of them too late)

I was thinking about Fem Tomerus these few days and this kinda made me think about them more thanky.

Also I agree, they would be so petty and have bickerings a lot and other people just be tired of their shit😭 'go marry again leave us alone'

And I know Tom only divorced because he was like "I don't even care about you" lying to himself and now he's all pissed his ex husband is single and others could lay hand on him which comes the bathroom scene lol he would try leave marks as much as he can so other people wouldn't want to be together with Sev.

The dress are in point 😭they would wear all classy and act like toddlers fight always and do their whole dramatic talkings. They're so pathetic it's funny, I think I'm going to make few divorced Tomerus posts after this because it's so funny 😭😭.

I don't remember anything from Jen's body so I probably will rewatch it for only this,,

Btw that's literally canon. Voldemort was making plans and other things but like Lucius was the one in ministry, he makes his followers do the things while he spend time at home lol I like him being rich lover for Severus (because Sev is my fav and I need him get spoiled by someone) but this is canonish so I understand where you come from.

Ooh you're soooo right, Tom would 100% make Severus carry his initials and after being married Tom for a long time Severus would be more confident with what he wants and start to have same interests as Tom's (being obsessively and freaky). I think Tom has initials on Sev and Severus has his bite mark scared on Tom.

I love you too darling 🧡

[sophaeros]

I think I'm hf in the exact same thing as you rn I just found your blog I am also obsessed with band rpf and Casablanca's/hammond jr do u have a kind of manifesto or anything I can read

dude did one of my irls send this or smth..i was literally Just talking about putting together a masterdoc and they were egging me on BSJFJWBS. i mean i'm kinda working on one but no promises bc im terrible w long term projects and also theyre very difficult to figure out

BUT i Will say (and i've seen other random people online agree w me) i think the general timeline is that during the seven years they lived together from 1998 to 2005 jules was down bad for albert but albert didn't realise his own feelings, so the most that might've happened is some fooling around physically. (this is mainly going off of this page from the meet me in the bathroom book where jules says "albert, you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone, baby!" insane quote. i could talk a little more about their full quotes but that's another post)

sometime between 2005 and 2013 (possibly 2011 tbh, comedown machine is The gay situationship album but angles touches on it a lot too) they dated twice and broke up both times. im not sure who broke up w who but tentatively i would say the first breakup was more acrimonious while the second breakup might've been mutual.

it's difficult to say anything for sure because most of their songs have songwriting credits shared with other people, so looking at lyrics for clues has a pretty big margin of error since a line might've been written by someone else and not them, yknow? i mean rpf is never a "for sure" kind of deal i could be entirely wrong and that would be fine but. you get what i mean

also one way trigger is the lynchpin for me. i physically cannot imagine a platonic explanation for this poster that uses a screenshot from thelma and louise of all films. not to mention the lyrics like even my Mom raised an eyebrow at "get dressed in your bed while she's asleep." and also it's one of two strokes songs albert has ever played solo with the other being elephant song (at least according to setlistfm, im still trying to find a video of it) (edit 12/08/2034: setlistfm lied to me he did not play elephant song 💔💔💔💔) which was written, surprise surprise, by albert and julian in 1999.

i mean i guess the poster could be them fucking around and having a little laugh but come on what an insane ass joke to make man. i'm gonna make a post later about one way trigger being their specialest little song because it really is

soo like..theres still more i could talk about like one way trigger being written by the albert julian nick trio (which makes me laugh imagining nick mediating their lovers quarrel) [EDIT: ACTUALLY WAIT NO ok it's hard to find definitive information on who wrote what bc different databases have information of varying precision but the canadian site socan which is the most precise so far says only albert and jules wrote the lyrics for one way trigger i'd misremembered. albert julian nick trio Did do call it fate tho which is still kinda crazy !! also jules and albert being the only ones to do one way trigger makes me crazier jesus christ why is this depressing ass song Their Song !!!!] which is the same trio as games from angles. theres a lot i've been thinking about them nonstop for like, what, a month? give or take? my poor friends have to deal w me sending dozens of messages at a time much love and light to them if they read this muah

and thank you for the excuse to be insane on main anon 🥰

[sapphic-sex-ed]

I know this is just a me problem & I need to just suck it up and deal with it but I feel... incredibly guilty about not wanting to have sex with my friends. For one, I've never had a friend actually want to engage in that with me so a part of it might be me feeling bad about "not being good enough", but another part of me feels like the queer community is advancing to new places that gives them more joy, freedom, and love and it feels like since the topic is so triggering to me (for no good reason mind you) that I just don't really belong? I haven't been able to talk to other queer people or go to pride events because I'm in such a small, homophobic town. But I feel like if I showed up to a queer event, I just wouldn't fit in and they just would not like me. Not only for looking overly masculine and kinda yucky (not in way thats celebrated in the queer community) after my transition, but because the accomodations I would need for my triggers would just be too unrealistic to expect them to accomodate to (I've been in therapy for nearly 10 yrs, unfortunately some triggers just dont go away). And also bc I'm a sapphic trans guy and ,, man idk if that would piss people off.

I just want to ask, is it okay if I still view sex as sacred for myself but don't think poorly of people who have casual sex or sex with friends? If anything, I'm envious of them for being able to have such a connection to their friends that I would never be comfortable having.

I’m glad to hear you’re seeing a therapist, it’s very clear from your ask that you’re struggling with very low self-worth and I’ve been there and it sucks.

As for your question itself — sex positivity and sex acceptance are about finding a sexuality that feels good for you and don’t shame those whose sexuality feels good to them but isn’t the same as yours. If sex is something sacred to you that is for you alone or only to share with a select few then that is always valid as long as it feels good to you. At the same time, having sex with friends and having multiple partners is just as valid as long as it’s what the people practicing it wants. Neither one has the right to shame or devalue the other.

I notice a pattern in your ask, where you make claims about how you feel people will respond to you. This is a normal thing our human brains do, but this anxiety seems to be preventing you from going out and trying. You think but you do not know that people wouldn’t accept you. Thou think but you do not know that you wouldn’t fit in. Internet queer discourse is poison basically and people in the irl communities are usually a lot more accepting. Online we kinda forget that we’re interacting with other people, but irl we can’t do that as easily (although dehumanization of minorities is a thing, so not impossible but it takes a lot more organized, structural effort). In Swedish we have this expression “provtänka” which roughly translates to “try-thinking” or “attempting-think” where we sort of say a thought we had to other people, usually friends, to try it out. It can be something beneficial like “wait isn’t it strange that inflation is up 4% but benefits have only increased by 2,6%?” and then we can all curse capitalism together. But it can also be (and this is a real example of a thing I said when I was 16) “there are so many bad parents like shouldn’t the government like make you take tests and and out a license for you to reproduce so no children get harmed” and your friends will rightfully go “no wtf??? That’s such an over-reach of government power what are you on???”. Like you try out a thought that you haven’t thought about that much or aren’t that invested in and you do a vibe check basically. Like that pregnancy thought was whack but I hadn’t really thought about it. Luckily my friends were reasonable people who asked what tf was wrong with me and explained why that was a horrible thing and I haven’t thought that way since. Online, you sorta either get jumped which has the effect of you doubling down on your not even fully formed opinion bc you get defensive, or you find other whack jobs who agree and that’s how radicalization happens.

So to the point bc I lost it bc that who I am as a person: people are a lot more forgiving offline and if someone has doubts initially, they’re less likely to voice them, and if they do they’re likely to get checked, and if they don’t just spending time with you will humanize you (which is why people from bigger cities are usually more open-minded, bc exposure to people different than them).

And a last point to wrap up: you write that you’re “envious of them for being able to have such a connection to their friends that I would never be comfortable having”. Relationships aren’t a hierarchy. Romantic relationships aren’t superior to friendships, and sex with friends isn’t superior to hook-ups or long-term partners, and partnered sex isn’t superior to solo sex. They’re different flavors and not everyone will like the same thing. I can’t stand olives but I love pineapple on pizza. I once dated a girl who despised potatoes. Neither is better than the other. I can’t really understand why she would hate potatoes and most people I believe find it strange, but like that’s just her preference. And I know many people find me strange for my choices in pizza toppings (pineapple, banana and curry).

That is to say: it sucks when you feel left out of some type of relationship you’ll never have — I’m an only child hand have always been envious of people with siblings — but that doesn’t mean that type is “better” or that that type of connection is “deeper” than what’s possible within the types of relationships that would fit you.

-mod liz

[toastywatchesstevenuniverse]

S1 E40

On the Run

This episode broke me.

I am...

I....

I am a broken creature & my heart has been thoroughly stomped into the ground.

This is....this is the best episode so far....but it's achieved the status of best by absolutely tearing me apart in every way & leaving my emotions as a pile of tear soaked dust.

Okay before we get to that: I have one thing to say....

GARNET HAS MASSIVE AND PLENTIFUL BALLS. Look this post ended up being a lot more personal & emotional than this blog usually has been so I'm giving you a balls joke to balance it out. I have a feeling that there will be more emotional venting if this episode is an indicator of what the rest of the show is like: we're gonna need all the dick & ball jokes we can muster up.

First off: easily the best musical number in the show so far. Yes even better than Pearl's solo number. And I do not say that lightly. That is a tough level to beat. And they did it. Steven & Amethyst take the gold medal for best song so far. 👌

ALSO OH MY GOD THESEE SHOTS THESE COLOURS THIS DJFJFNDIFJW ITS SO FUCKING GOOD????????

WHY DID SO MANY PEOPLE ON YOUTUBE TELL ME THIS SHOW HAS BAD ANIMATION WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT ARE WE WATCHING THE SAME SHOW?????? SURE THERES BEEN SOME WONKY DRAWINGS BUT MOST OF IT HAS BEEN VISUAL GOD TIER SHIT LIKE THIS. This episode was actually quite a step up in the animation compared to the previous ones. It's like the animators stepped on the gas here. I love it.

(Hey there uh so Trigger warning for this post just in case bc I do mention the topics of self harm/self hate/passive suic*de & that kinda stuff. So if that's not your thing, I'm really sorry & I understand if you wanna just stop reading here. If this isn't a topic you like to see mentioned at all, I'll just summarize my opinion here real quick & you can click away, I'm happy you're here at all btw thanks for reading this far!! & I want you to know you're valid for feeling this way btw: Don't let anyone tell you different. Anyways tldr I love this episode & how it tackles Amethysts character & it's the best episode so far & it made me cry really really bad & I am more of an emotional mess now than I usually am.)

So getting a bit personal here: I have said many times throughout my life that 'I never asked to be born'. I still think it now.

(Side Note but oh my god the animation in this fight was fucking incredible. Holy shit. And these shots go so fucking hard they COOKED this shit to perfection.)

Ive been depressed & passively suicidal for most of my life. I honestly cannot really recall a time where I didn't feel this way. I'm just kinda used to it by now I guess.

(This shot. This frame right here. This was when I had to pause the episode to calm down from how bad I was crying.)

So to hear Amethyst say the exact same thing that I have said so many times before: That broke me. That just fucking broke me. And like it's not the first time I cried at this show so far: BUT this IS the first time the show genuinely struck an such an extremely difficult & personal chord with me, not just like being sometihng I relate to, but the chord it struck was deep & painful enough that I had to actually pause the episode because of how much I needed to process it. Like I could not pay attention with how bad it made me break. So yeah it's now score 1 for the amount of times this show has fucking utterly destroyed me. Not every show is able to get me to react like THAT. The only other show in recent memory that got that reaction out of me that I can remember at the time of typing this is well, The Owl House. To be fair I haven't watched too too many new shows but yeah. This got me crying badly enough that I had to take a moment to calm down. Wasn't expecting to have that nerve struck like that.

That just hit on a personal chord for me & just....fuck man. I know that feeling. And they nailed how it feels. Amethysts reaction was exactly how it feels for me, just outwardly anger & tears. It hurts. Obviously anger & crying is simplifying it a lot, it's a lot more than just baseline that but you get what I mean. You could tell that she was feeling that exact way. & holy shit the fact that she's been the "comedic relief" of the gems so far & yet she's had easily the most fucked up & sad backstory of the show so far. Yeah if catching me off guard & completely blindsiding me with this was the goal: Goal fucking achieved because that was like a whack to my fucking face with a frying pan.

So....like, is this gonna be a reoccuring thing? I just.....get the feeling that this is a sign that the show absolutely fucking me up emotionally may become a more frequent thing going forward. So like, if that is the case......fuck. I'm so fucked. I am going to be a fucking wreck by the end of this show. This is gonna fucking leave me a sobbing mess, isn't it? What the fuck have I gotten myself into-

I am afraid. Also I am going to need to buy more tissues.

And the scene where Pearl & Amethyst speak in the hole is some of the best writing in any CN show. Ever.

(Also to break up the depressing talk, OH MY GOD I LOVE THAT PEARL IS SO FUCKING TALL THAT SHE HAS TO BEND DOWN AND SIT STANDING UP ON HER TIPPY TOES. THAT'S SO FUCKING ADORABLE I LOVE HER I AM GOING TO FUCKING LOSE IT.)

This episode was absolutely perfect.

[scoonsalicious]

OKAY CHAPTER 28. First off, can I just say I admire Pocket being such a spitfire in this because the girl really has the confidence to mock Jenny at any given moment when she can kill her with one pull of the trigger. Pocket really is just joking around and laughing and making quips as if she isn't being dragged by her hair quire literally I was reading it both horrified and impressed because I'm like, Pocket....shut up please i don't want you to get hurt anymore or die but also like, this is so Pocket you go get 'em girlie. BUT AH THAT GLIMPSE OF BUCKY IN THE MONITORS GOING ABSOLUTELY FERAL, COVERED IN BLOOD AND BOILING WITH RAGE AND TAKING DOWN A WHOLE HYDRA BASE ON HIS OWN BECAUSE THEY GOT HIS GIRL? SIR? I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU? Pocket was literally such a mood during that moment because that was such an insane show of violence and truly showcased that the Winter Soldier might be gone but Bucky Barnes very much still has his skill and if he wanted to burn the whole place down to save the love of his life we would've no questions asked. But also, yes please? Can I have your babies? LMAO.

Now, that confrontation was...a lot to say the least. Judas insanity and obsession just showing through and you could just see how our of control he was when Bucky showed up. Like that whole exchange was intense I can't even deal. Her calling Russia "making love", and that she was quite literally built to "love" him. You could just tell that there was no getting through to her anymore. She's too far gone and man was that disturbing.

And UGH POCKET, being all self-sacrificial and everything as if I'm not already filled with so many emotions!!! Just, I don't even have words that was just so amazing it made my chest ache. The confessions, them pouring their heart out I just... WHY DOES IT ALWAYS HAPPEN WHEN SOMEONE IS ABOUT TO DIE. IF THEY TALKED ABOUT THIS BEFORE I—well, we wouldn't have a story but anyway. That was just so good, Evoked so many emotion in me gosh.

But you know what made me absolutely insane??? BUCKY BARNES AND HIS BAIT AND SWITCH MY GOD?????? I knew what he was doing the second he started to feed Judas' fantasy and telling her exactly what she wanted to weaken her which is such a smart move and good for him to realize that immediately when the first try of getting through to her didn't work BUT MY GOD THAT WAS SO COLD AND BRUTAL IN THE BEST WAY POSSIBLE? AM I SICK IN THE HEAD BC MR. BARNES BUCKY SIR THAT WAS KINDA HOT? (i know he probably snapped her neck and she's dead now I couldn't care any less but STILL????) The second he kissed her and boy did it take a lot longer but I'm sure he was trying to gauge that Pocket was far away enough and the second he realized that and grabbed Jessie's throat WITH THE VIBRANIUM HAND MIGHT I ADD and his demeanor immediately switched to feral and unhinged and "I'm going to give you a slow painful death for hurting my girl" I.. am .. on ..... the floor?????? i'm not even kidding when I tell you I put my phone down and squealed into my hand because that was such a powerplay i can't even deal. AND WHEN HE SAID HIS PROMISES DON'T MATTER AS A CALL BACK I'M LIKE???????? ahem. sorry. I just, I'm a sucker for men who goes overly feral to protect their girl. Doesn't matter how many times it happens it's just *chef's kiss* every single time. Never gets old.

But ugh, Pockey got shot. (i know I seem like I don't care but you've talked about a sequel so I know she's going to be fine haha ha ha unless.....) But still, that scene tugged at my heartstrings gosh, that was...Bucky crying, Pocket still joking around and comforting him as if she's not the one losing blood and practically dying. That was just perfection. I just love those two so much and I'm glad they're both going to be on the path of healing.

I feel like I've ran a marathon reading this chapter because wow what was intense. I know there's still something about Steve and whatnot but I honestly just can't wait for the come down. God, we're so close to the end. It's going to be a lil bittersweet but hey, I'm so glad it happened. You're amazing as always. Lots of love!

(p.s. i usually type on my laptop with these ask and sometimes i type way too fast because i'm excited to spelling won't always be great so i absolutely did not realize i wrote "cheese game" instead of "chess game" but i'm glad it made you laugh because that is quite funny.)

— Jnon 🤍

Hi, beloved!

I really, really wanted Pocket to stand up to Jackass in the best way she possibly could, and since that couldn't be physically, it was going to have to be through sarcasm and snark, lol. Like, this is her one and only chance to get back at Jade for all the shit she put Pocket through, so Pocket is definitely going to take the utmost advantage of it. Also, she knew that the more off-balance Jade was, the more likely she was to fuck up and give Pocket an opening for escape.

And I know it's not healthy, like, at all, but when Pocket saw him being completely feral in his quest to find her and save her, it definitely did things to her insides, lol. Violence is never acceptable, and IRL, I'm a total pacifist, but if my fictional man wants to be violent in my honor? Yes, please.

Writing Jerry's confrontation with Bucky made me feel sick, lol. When she's like "Oh, but we made love," I'm sitting there like "Ma'am, that was borderline sexual assault. You don't know what love is." In a small, tiny way, I feel sorry for her. She was basically fed this fantasy to such a degree that she couldn't fathom it not coming true. Like, she was made to believe there was no other option for her, and so, she would accept no other option.

Bucky began his bait and switch as soon as Pocket told him to let her go. I wrote it with the idea that he knew she'd sacrifice herself to ensure that Jade couldn't use her as leverage over Bucky, so he did the only thing he could think of-- pretend to give her what she wanted. He was definitely making sure Pocket was at a distance from him and jade before he made his move, though. He also wanted to make sure Jade was properly distracted. He should have taken the gun away from her, but eh, lol. It's more dramatic this way.

I really enjoyed doing the "promises don't mean shit" callback, because I felt like, in a way, that was also him taking responsibility for everything he put Pocket through. Or, at least it is in my head, lol. He had planned on killing Jezebel nice and slowly, at least until she shot Pocket. After that, his rage got the best of him. Plus, he needed to get to his girl; he didn't have time to torture the hoe any more.

And of course Pocket would be fine! I can't kill off my best girl! I love her too much! I just really love that emotional drama, lol. I have your next missive to read, so I will sign off! Love you so much! <3

[youremyheaven]

oh wow rahu men can be very much insecure. also now that I’m single I attracted an arda moon man and guess what! not only he’s idealizing me, he’s feels like I’m too good for him and he would “ruin me.” I was like nope already done that and friend zoned him. He also had preassumptions about me that rubbed me the wrong way. At least now with the Jupiter moon man I’m talking to is very much secure with himself and has a lot to offer. I feel safe in his energy.

the 12h profection year makes sense! I’m glad that you came out feeling better than before 😊

did we date the same guy?? lololol my experience is v similar to yours and what I learned from that relationship is v similar. I learned a lot from it. I also now know what type of men (cough cough rahu men) I should avoid and life has gotten brighter now that he’s gone. we also had venus square neptune synastry. this man idealized me and put me on a pedestal like I was some sort of goddess to him. I think it is a rahuvian trait to resent us because he saw me as this “pure person” so I guess that made him treat me like shit (but I’m a person with flaws like I’m human too yk!!!) and when the relationship was running it’s course, he couldn’t stand that I stopped accepting his behavior because I used to accept his bare minimum and take him back. I used to put so much effort for his ass. I think it kinda shook him because I snapped back and stop putting my energy in him and that was one of the main reasons we broke up. I was going through major health issues as well at that time so I didn’t have much time for him because I had to put myself first and I guess that triggered him. My health issues made me realize a lot of shit and the veil was coming off. He wondered why I was with him and would be like why are you even with me? That rahu energy had a grip on me that’s why 😭😭 even after we broke up he was like I hope you find someone who makes you happy and gives you the love you deserve that I couldn’t give you. I realized this man will not give me the love I deserve, he will continue to resent me because my personality, my talents, etc.

Also kinda random on how rahu and ketu energies can manifest irl, you did mention something like how rahu natives can get back up from health reasons (correct me if I’m wrong!) My ex would try crazy ass shit and had dangerous encounters but came out fine😱 and as Ketu native I have a chronic illness and I have to watch out for my health😫

ty for allowing us anons to share our stories🩷🩷🩷 it’s comforting knowing we share similar experiences with rahu men 😭 sending healing vibes ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

tysm for the healing vibes 😭✨🫶🏼 sending some your way too 💫💖💫

all my life ive always felt like I was undeserving of the kind of treatment i received but now im thinking of how if me holding myself back has meant that ive subconsciously manifested many abusive relationships (romantic & platonic) ,, lacking self esteem can be dangerous bc if you don't see your own worth, others WILL try to convince you that you're nothing 😮‍💨sorry it's not related to anything you said but you've ✨ provoked my thoughts ✨once more hehe

[thesleepiestselkie]

i truly believe the trans community has got to start openly and loudly supporting detrans folks. i wanna share my story with y'all, and it is long and possibly triggering? and i say at least one nsfw thing. but i feel like a lot of trans people only ever see detrans stories weaponized against them, and therefore there's a good chunk of the trans community that has (understandably) a lot of vitriol towards detrans people. so since it's pride month, i wanted to talk a minute about being a nonbinary detrans person.

when i first started learning about trans and nonbinary identities, i knew pretty much immediately that i was nonbinary. i was in high school by the time i found out that you could be a different gender than the one on your birth certificate, and i was over the fucking moon. problem was, i was a homeschooled navy brat pastor's kid 3 for 1 combo and so my literal Only exposure to any world outside of patriarchal gender & sexuality norms was.... you guessed it! tumblr.

tumblr around 2013-2015 was a pretty weird and vitriolic place to be nonbinary. half the site claimed you were faking, the other half was trying to lure you in by spouting the weirdest genders on god's green earth. (i love y'all go wild with ur genders that's just not my brand of existence.) so like.... i picked a side? i decided when i was around 15 that being nonbinary was kinda cringe and from that point on i identified as a trans guy.

cue fighting with my parents for like 7 years about the whole existence of trans people, the idea that i was a trans people, this weird belief i had that i should have bodily autonomy, and this weird belief that they had that pretty much anything could be cured if you prayed hard enough (from anxiety to cancer to, surprise, transgenderism)

the only way i came out of that fight as myself was through transitioning. i very loudly expressed that i Would do what i wanted with my body, and they had no right to control me. when i started t shots, i was 19, and i loved it.

i was euphoric every time i got gendered correctly by a stranger, i celebrated the first time i shaved real beard hairs from my face, it was beautiful. genuinely. i was part of a community of other trans guys ("guys" here ranging from "100,000% binary ftm transsexual" to "transmasc nb who's just happy to be here") and we loved each other hard.

i think i started consciously having to push away real doubts about continuing to transition when i was pursuing top surgery. i really, truly, wasn't sure. but by that point, it felt almost expected of me from the one side, and absolutely forbidden on the other. and like, i don't know that i would have gone through with it if it was just our weird homoerotic groupthink, i was sick of my tits bc like. they're tits. they suck to live with regardless of how hot they are. i was sick and tired of choosing between binding (over ribs that had already been fractured at least once due to improper binding) or being misgendered. and i was exhausted of my parents telling me, at age 21, that i didn't have the right to do what i wanted with my body.

so i got top surgery. and, like, i was happy. but i think i knew i fucked up as soon as i woke up from the surgery. the surgeon didn't leave me with any areolas whatsoever, which i didn't think going in was even a possibility. and maybe this is trivial, but that sparked something in me that i was terrified to admit, and couldn't, until much later on: i felt dysphoria about not having my tits.

but like, i was committed to the bit, you know? i'd gotten used to being a guy, and it fit well enough, like a second-hand sweater. so i just kinda rode the wave as far as it would take me. i did my shots (with absolutely no regularity because through all 3 years i was on testosterone stabbing myself in the leg really never got less hard and scary) and if i was being real i would admit to myself that i was probably more transmasc than a trans *man*.

and then my brother died! of aforesaid cancer that my parents tried real hard to pray away. (to be clear, they also got him the best medical treatment they possibly could, they aren't full on religious nutjobs.) and, quite frankly, i hadn't realized before then how integral to my identity my brother was. (again, homeschooled military kid with exactly one similarly-aged person who was actually around for more than a couple years of my life.) it kinda broke the shell identity that i'd been hiding behind. i realized i had a responsibility to myself to be myself, and i just wasn't a fuckin trans guy.

so i stopped taking t, and i started opening myself up to dressing how i used to love dressing, before i got all truscummy. and i felt myself come back into my body a bit, for the first time in god only knows how long.

fast forward 3 (ish) long, godawful, miserable years of therapy and grief and more grief, and i'm a pretty well-adjusted nonbinary person. i have a wife and a 9-5 job and my creative drive has been returning in spades. but i'm still dysphoric about my tits. i miss them. i can't say whether i made a mistake in getting top surgery, because my mental health was so completely shot back then that it really might have saved my life in some way or other, but it feels like one now. they were pretty, and soft, and sensitive. i got my nipples pierced last year and literally could not feel it happening. i only have feeling in some parts of my chest. i look fine, and i've accepted that this is the body i chose to live in. but sometimes i wish i wasn't so afraid to talk about this feeling.

some of y'all talk a big game about supporting detrans folk, but i don't see it. in mainstream lgbtq+ culture, is it absolutely taboo to talk about detransitioning, and y'all know it is. and there is literally no one else speaking up for us. a lot of detrans people become anti-trans specifically due to the reception their detransition was given by the community. it is so transparently hostile towards us because we got it wrong. and if people can make mistakes, that might mean (*gasp*) you might make a mistake?? and then it's a Real risk and not a fake one that conservatives made up to scare the parents of trans kids. and we just can't have that.

shouldn't we be telling kids that in your life, you're going to do things you risk regretting, and it's okay, because everyone has regrets? it's not some trans-specific thing. i regret my college boyfriend and not taking better care of my first car. i also regret having top surgery. it's not a dirty word—i'm just some guy, and everyone fucks up, sometimes in life-ruining ways. mine wasn't life-ruining, just kinda hard to process. but man, it sure woulda been easier if literally the only welcoming community for detrans people wasn't coincidentally Extremely anti-trans 🙃

and like........ i'm also.... Still Trans? i detransitioned to the gender i was before i identified as ftm: nonbinary. i stopped my medical transition, i reverted back to they/them pronouns. i detransitioned, but the idea that only cis people detransition is overwhelmingly binarist if you think about it for more than 2 seconds. (idk if that's a word but i'm making it one. you literally know what i mean). i can participate in trans dialogue, but there are areas of my history that i just have to avoid because i'll start getting dirty looks.

so yeah. all that to say. please start including us. loudly. please make a safe space for people who made mistakes, because the only one that exists right now is built to radicalize us against the people for whom those choices weren't mistakes.

[vanbredevoort]

--- PSA

What REALLY happens to Lydia in Thanedd

Hello! I'm briefly going to explain what happens to Lydia during the Thanedd coup in the books, in a comedic fashion bc if I think about this seriously I might combust internally and not in the fun way. i guarantee you'll laugh once. if you don't, a stick figure artwork of your muse will be given in compensation.

Be warned of: spoilers from thewitcher books (Time of Contempt) / mentions of death, blood and suicide (if that's a trigger for you, please do not read) / constant and i mean an absurd amount of stabbing jokes.

Thanedd has two sides. The 'defenders of the North + their kings' and the 'traitors who allied with Nilfgaard and put pinapple on their pizzas'. They put the traitors in dimeritium shackles, AKA Francesca and Vilgefortz bc he apparently poster boi of betrayal and knightly costumes. SUDDENLY there's a fight, and one of the fighters is Lydia.

The fight stops because Lydia dies. It is IMPLIED that she went van Stabbyvoort and did the thing herself, because daggers are pretty and they're prettier when they're INSIDE UR HEART. Red is a pretty color too. EVEN PRETTIER WHEN IT STAINS THE HALLWAYS AND IT'S YOURS.

Lydia was to give time to Vilgefortz to get resistant to dimeritium, bc he's a mighty powerful god / cutest kinda deranged dictator wannabe, and there's no better way to do so than idk killing yourself.

Why go to such lenghts? Because she loved him like a lot. the book describes her love as 'silent, stubborn and relentless'. She was in love with Vilgefortz, went hearteyes every single time, and that love made her lose stuff in translation, as in:

vil was like 'gimmie time!' lyd went all 'instructions unclear will stab self'

This makes a good show and with good show I mean shit festival, because it was supposed to be all political mambo jambo. No deaths. Triss is like YOOOOOOOOO WHY CORPSE IN MY LIVING ROOM WHO CORPSE OOOOOO FUCKED UP FACE CUTIE NOOOOO.

So Lydia's death forces everyone to take a good look inside their little tiny ugly hearts and go 'yeah we kinda fucked up, didn't we' not because they care about lydia but because, and i might sound repetitive but THE COUP WAS SUPPOSED TO BE DONE WITHOUT KILLING PEOPLE. it was a political affair. a sorceress with a fucking dagger stuck to her tit is not political.

Tissaia blames Philippa. No one wanted any deaths.

LYDIA'S DEATH SETS THINGS IN MOTION. It marks the separation between Tissaia (who ends up killing herself after the fiasco) and Philippa (she literally goes like 'lyd be dead? oh daaaaamn'). it helps vil. it makes tissaia lift the ban on polka dots and using magic there.

Vil, now free because his assistant decided to become a human pin cushion, went to tor lara bc child of the elder blood with the power to bring the armaggedon of evilness and evil looking elves yada yada, and Geralt says GET THIS MAN OUT OF MY LAWN.

Vil is all 'let us go togetherrrrr ♥ we can hold hands while we stop thE PANDEMONIUM OF ICE AND BAD STUFF.exe, she's probably scared let us sing dora the explorer songs together'

And geralt is like 'do you know what's a good idea? let's talk about LYDIA AND DEAD LYDIA. IN THIS THREE HOUR PRESENTATION I WILL EXPLAIN WHY IT IS YOUR FAULT SHE WENT GUESS-I'LL-DIE.PNG'

Bad choice. like really bad choice. like 'i need to heal in brokilon bc i got fucked up real real bad' bad choice. everything was fun and games until he blames vil because of lydia's chest jewerly and accesory. so vil does the sensitive thing and pulls out a baguette and teaches geralt a lesson on humility and baguettes.

lydia is not your average villain power corrupted evil bundle of doom. lydia is a girl who loved too much, and allowed that love to kill her. it's fucking poetic.

[goldensunset]

mili anon (again. sorry) and i feel i should've been a bit more clear there was a reason i didn't mention love town when i mentioned "For a Place of Love" (well according to the fandom 2 reasons but primarily this one) and that's because i honestly really enjoy the perspective of someone listening to the songs made for Library of Ruina without actually having the in-game context. It's a pleasant source of evidence that the songs stand strong enough on their own while also being extremely fascinating to me who got into mili through LoR to see the different perspective.

To be honest I kinda ran out of steam after seeing how long that last ask was so I didn't get to cover some of the non-LoR mili songs I really like, like Bathtub Mermaid which is a very gruesome song (like major major trigger warning of self-harm) of giving everything you have up to someone else and molding oneself to fit someone else's needs,,, i love the lyrics where even the song's subject is like "i'll embrace everything good about you... and then squeeze out all the bad things" it really makes you think about who is all this destructive devotion really for? what is even left at the end? aughhhh

(anyways sorry again about how long this has gotten, and the whole "we don't talk about love town" is a blatant lie. from what i've observed LoR fans can't seem to shut up about love town lmao)

ok yes though!!! absolutely!!! like i am aware there’s a story here but i’d actually rather just garner it from the context of the song as opposed to necessarily getting into the media. it’s a fun activity. like musicals that you don’t intend to ever watch but that you love the songs from and you’re like listening closely to the lyrics to figure things out. and i think all these mili songs are so good and well written that you can easily enjoy them without even being aware they’re from media. absolutely fantastic

and yeeeAAAAAAh bathtub mermaid is a favorite of mine too bc i like Wasn’t expecting that. like after a lot of more energetic songs it’s like oh suddenly we have this quiet haunting piano lament?? about like someone committing themselves way too far to an abusive relationship and just wanting to keep hurting themselves because they’ll do anything for that person’s attention including giving up everything they are. like man it gets dark in there. like so many mili songs it’s like uh what’s up with the title lol sounds a bit silly but nope it’s actually pretty genius. using the metaphor of a mermaid who should be free and beautiful but being kept in a tiny little bathtub and constantly in pain. y’know. yeah i love that song it’s so pretty and sad and blorbo-ifiable

ok if we’re on the topic of other ones. how about ‘ga1ahad and scientific witchery’? super fun one. i would love to watch someone piece together an entire original story based on it. i’m getting like this love-hate relationship between a witch and a (cyborg?) knight. who keep killing each other but coming back to life (out of undying hate? out of a commitment to each other? not wanting to kill each other but they’re supposed to be enemies so they’ll fulfill their duty?) whatever’s happening there i love this one it’s a lot of fun. featuring such lines as ‘rise from bed my darling, so i can see you again/so i can kill you again’ and ‘kiss me tenderly gently violently’. bangers. and it’s pretty interesting bc the song doesn’t really have a solid structure or repeating pattern it’s kinda just like each section is a new thing entirely and you think it’s gonna end at this one part but it doesn’t but then when it does end you weren’t expecting it lol.

hm what other ones. shoutout to ‘summoning 101’. girl tries to summon furry at 3am (GONE WRONG) but they still make it genuinely romantic somehow

‘with a billion worldful of love’ is underrated imo. genuine beat drop. and ‘i’m sure next life you’ll love me too’ is excellent blorbo material

[steveharrington]

But we’re not told WHY they’re vecna’d. There’s no reason why vecna targets traumatized teens EXCEPT to make it even more horror-movie-ish. Why do they get trash compacted like that specifically? It’s implied that’s how vecna a powers work but why? No idea.

The show has left so many unanswered questions already and this new element (vecna itself!) just over complicates everything

And I’m actually kind of pissed bc Patrick gets vecna’d and we know almost nothing about him. But stranger things… hates poc

I actually kind of hate Chrissy because of how differently she (pretty white girl) was treated from Patrick (black boy). And. her eating disorder existed SOLELY for exploitative purposes just to cause an emotional reaction it’s not something that adds to her as a character it’s just there to freak the audience out, meanwhile other REAL LIFE ACTORS are being forced to starve themselves for the roles. We get it eating disorders are scary good thing they’re not real! /s

Acting like this new girl will be important focusing on her ed only to kill her off in the most horrific way possible… i don’t like it it feels exploitative especially of a real world problem this show is absolutely complicit in spreading

We got a LOT less development for Fred than chrissy and didn’t fucking. Languish in such a triggering topic I think he was the happy medium.

Regardless the focus on traumatized teens with no other similarities was already so random they could have just picked literally anyone with no special backstory and it would have worked just as well? At the end of the day Chrissy ONLY matters as motivation for Jason, who only matters as motivation for Eddie ( and since Eddie’s death did nothing like. It didn’t seem like he was saving Dustin’s life or anything) who only matters to make Dustin kind of sad? She died for man pain except the ultimate man pain was for some guy she never even met

Chrissy isn’t a person or a character she’s a bafflingly written INTENTIONALLY TRIGGERING and misogynistic plot device with an outrageous amount of minute details they could have given to any of the real characters. They didn’t have to spend 10 minutes pretending she mattered only to beat her to death with a rock and then run over her a few times for good measure

well first of all i am no authority on the topic of whether or not chrissy's struggles with her ed were done correctly and therefore i will not speak on it because its really....not my place as someone who hasn't experienced that!

as for why vecna targets people with trauma specifically, i think it serves a greater narrative purpose and that's depicted best through max's arc this season. vecna's whole backstory as henry shows that he was obviously traumatized himself by brenner and when he appeals to chrissy, fred, and max he attempts to persuade them to just give up/join him/etc because it's easier than carrying on. he's using their trauma against them. and then when max is faced with this threat of losing her life to vecna, it motivates her to want to get better and want to stop isolating herself from lucas and the group, she literally says "i don't want to go, im not ready" and it kinda overall like. saves her life! vecna acts as a narrative tool to explore mental health and trauma and guilt. imo it's much much MUCH more impactful for our characters to overcome him through their bonds and their desire to live despite what they've been through than like.....killing a monster of the week

obv you dont have to agree with me and that's fine but i don't think chrissy is like...a misogynistic charicature in the slightest. like i said before i really don't think chrissy's treatment in the show was uniquely different than fred's or even max's. i don't really understand how chrissy's trauma was "languished in" any more than fred's? i feel like they got equal screentime and fred's vecna vision was just as brutal as chrissy's, even if they talked about two entirely different topics. and if im being completely honest (again not trying to be rude or demean your view of the show, but you did send this ask to me personally so im going to give my honest opinions back) i think referring to chrissy as a "plot device" and not a "real character" is intentionally reading the show in bad faith.

this season is a horror season. people die like they do in any slasher movie. i understand if the vecna plotline isn't for everyone because like yeah watching characters who are already suffering die very tragic deaths is hard! but i think the point of vecna like i said before is to personify trauma, guilt, and shame to allow our characters to overcome those feelings. chrissy's death worked both to establish what vecna does and to involve eddie. but i dont think that automatically makes her a "prop" or a "plot device" because she's given a personality, she's given a lot of thought and care from the actress, she's given people who mourn her. i think it was genuinely one of the sweetest moments in the whole show when eddie dedicated his little guitar solo to her because it showed that her death affected him and in motivating him to want to kill vecna and save his friends from her same fate, it had meaning

[the-cat-chat]

August 20, 2023

The Gray Man (2022)

When the CIA's top asset -- his identity known to no one -- uncovers agency secrets, he triggers a global hunt by assassins set loose by his ex-colleague.

JayBell: After last weekend's emotionally intense ride, I was glad to switch to something a bit more mindless. And what's more mindless than watching Ryan Gosling and a mustachioed Chris Evans shoot each other and try to blow each other up in a fun action movie?

I had somewhat low expectations for this movie considering the reviews were kind of meh, but I had a great time. The action scenes are nice, it has some cool fight choreography, the acting is pretty good (even the young girl), the story isn't confusing or overly complicated, and surprisingly, it's a lot funnier than I expected it to be. The characters are very over-the-top (and all ridiculously attractive of course), but that just made it more of a fun time.

Sure, it's a predictable action movie with most of the usual tropes, but that's exactly what I was looking for when I turned it on. That's why I'm a bit confused by the slightly lower ratings for a solid action movie. I know this was based on a book, so maybe the book fans were disappointed by the adaptation? If so, I can understand that. But as someone who has never read the book, this movie either met or exceeded my expectations and honestly that's all I can ask for in an action movie.

P.S. Chris Evans' mustache in this movie looks incredibly douchey and also fit his character perfectly. But I also don't ever want to see it again.

Rating: 7/10 cats 🐈

Anzie: I really thought this was just going to be one of Netflix’s dumb spy/action/blahblahblah that they had be churning out at the time with super hot actors. And Ryan Gosling. Ummm nough said. We’re not gonna talk about the weird cop buzz cut and stache for Chris Evans, but I did enjoy it in a laughable sense.

But I was wrongggg. This movie was pleasantly entertaining and funny and filled with action. Suuuure some parts were questionable but the comedy really puts anything tooo dumb out of focus. And the story plot had good details that kept you guessing and trying to piece it all together. My only reaaaal complaint was the blackmail chip and all that seemed kinda weak for how aversive the boss guy was obsessing over it. Maybe if it was a touch more specific in how the blackmail was damaging it wouldn’t have kinda felt too dumb. The ending was really awesome too- so 2 points for that alone. I really do hope that Netflix makes the sequel bc I’m innnnn.

- Also loved the Ken joke aimed towards Ryan Gosling’s character- the timing was just beautiful.

Rating: 7/10 Catz 🐈

[racingliners]

F1 Re-Watch 2013: Round 13 - Singapore

So I've been taking my sweet time in carrying on with my 2013 watch through bc a) following the 2023 season is eventful and b) I wanted to ensure I would have the proper time to watching Singapore in full because, for anyone who's new here, it is one of my absolute favourite races and on top of that it's a Seb win at Singapore so this race needed my undivided attention.

(also the race replay is two and a half hours)

I did watch this race at the time, and apart from Seb being iconic we also have the now-famous Webber-Alonso taxi ride, and my only other memory is Jev crashing out which 😭

fair warning I may go off about how pretty the track is, like, a lot:

Getting slightly triggered about Crofty talking about humidity after watching Qatar 2023, but we move on

*deep inhale* Singapore preeeeeeeeeetty 😍

So, starting grid overview!: Seb pole (🥰), Rosberg P2, Grosjean P3, Lewis P5, Fernando P7, Jenson P8, Dan P9, and Jev 12

Man, seeing Perez down in 14th knowing he won the race last year is quite the F1 whiplash.

Super Soft and Mediums are the tyre compounds for this race, and all but one driver (Sutil) are starting on the super softs.

oh. my. god. Seb's v sparkly helmet. I ADORE it.

[Formation Lap]: Aaaaaand cue the mad dash of mechanics and engineers running back to the garages.

"Let's go lesbians let's go!"

(am I talking about the mechanics, or the drivers on the formation lap, who's to say?)

(plot twist it's both)

oooh infrared camera on the tyres, love that

Seb's championship lead was over 50 points at this point in the season, please inject it into my veins at the earliest opportunity

[Start/Lap 1]: Rosberg leads into turn 1!!!

but he goes wide and Seb retakes P1

Also Fernando's up into P3, man's had speedy af starts since the dawn of time

[Lap 2]: whew the gap between Seb and Nico is already 1.9 seconds

argh Lewis has to give a place back to Massa for going wide, he's now P7

"Sebastian Vettel half a second quicker on this lap" THAT'S THE LION OF SINGAPORE BABY!!!

Lewis is running a non-yellow helmet but the camera isn't focusing on him for long enough for me to be able to tell what colour it is. It looks kinda pretty though.

(Stay tuned for more thrilling Helmet Watch updates)

[Lap 3]: oof Dan's down to P14 after starting P9

Current top 5 is: Seb, Rosberg, Alonso, Webber and Grosjean

With Seb having a 4.6 second gap over P2. 🏃‍♂️💨

Remember when they briefly called sprint race winners Speed Kings? That's Seb rn.

Gosh I will never ever tyre of watching the cars drive round Singapore, I really do love the track layout.

Every street circuit apart from Monaco wishes they were the Marina Bay Street Circuit.

Anyway, start replay! You can see Dan get bogged down, hence the drop in track position. Also Nico's start was pretty aggressive, had he not ran out of track he'd probably still be leading

oh, Lewis did the same thing to Massa as he did at Singapore this year 😭 (still love you mate don't worry)

[Lap 5]: "Remember there are safety cars out there, save your tyres" You can hear the mild passive aggressive 'Seb slow tf down' in Rocky's voice dvbjdfbj

He's 6.4 seconds ahead of Rosberg

[Lap 6]: Not much overtaking going on rn has to be said

[Lap 7]: Gosh I miss it when the cars had glossy liveries, they look so shiny under the floodlights

This is mainly why I have beef with matte liveries ngl

[Lap 8]: "Alonso P3 is holding the pack up" Singapore 2013 🤝 Monaco 2022: Bono calling out Fernando for on-track nonsense

I assume this is all to do with track gaps and pit windows and all those things I don't currently have the brain to do maths for

Oh I'd forgotten all about Seb and Mark's gearbox issues from Monza, they both have the same gearboxes in their cars rn

(I don't think we had any gearbox issues this race, but my memory of 10 years ago is obviously patchy)

[Lap 9]: Anyway, no change in grid order. The track is still pretty.

And a David Beckham sighing in the Merc garage!

[Lap 10]: Gap between Seb and Nico now just over 7 seconds

[Lap 11]: And Raikkonen is the fist car to pit, he takes another set of super softs

Comms and Ted speculating that with the tyre wear the drivers are reporting it's looking like a 3-stop race

[Lap 12]: An Alonso fastest lap, while Gutierrez and Jev pit

oof, replay of Lewis having a lock-up while chasing Massa

[Lap 13]: Rosberg with a 3.4 second gap over Alonso

[Lap 14]: Webber pits for mediums, Massa did the same a lap earlier

Jenson also pitted.

[Lap 15]: And in comes Alonso, also for mediums.

And Nico being called in to cover him almost immediately

Suddenly, Tom Jones

Anyway, traffic wise Alonso came out behind Di Resta, who's doing a great job at holding him up

[Lap 16]: and in pits Rosberg for mediums.

Merc with the double stack, Lewis has also pitted.

Top 5 currently: Seb*, Rosberg, Di Resta*, Fernando and Webber. Interestingly with Alonso being unable to pass Di Resta his gap to Mark is now only 1.2 seconds. (* = still to stop)

and cut to Maldonado v Perez v Hulkenberg for 11th

✨midfield spice✨

[Lap 17]: Seb with a 30 plus second gap over Rosberg, so he should retain the lead when he pits at the end of the lap

and he also takes on a set of mediums, and keeps the lead of the race

[Lap 18]: Di Resta remains the only car on track left to pit, Alonso still can't get past him

[Lap 19]: Seb is still doing Seb things, 8 second gap ahead of Rosberg

[Lap 20]: Make that 8.5

And Alonso is *still* behind Di Resta,

"These tyres feel terrible" "Message understood" The predecessor to "Bono my tyres are gone?" or are they genuinely shit? Lewis this is why I have trust issues

Helmet watch: finally a slow mo shot of Lewis, his helmet looks like it's all over silver which I love!!

(I absolutely will try and find pictures for my post-re-watch blogging later)

also also hi Merc pit wall!

[Lap 21]: After 84 years, Di Resta pits for his first stop

The top 10 is now: Seb, Rosberg, Alonso, Webber, Grosjean, Lewis, Di Resta, Massa, Jenson and Raikkonen

[Lap 22]: I don't know about you, but I'm feeling twenty-two...

(sorry, I had to)

[Lap 23]: Still not much racing going on

But Grosjean just set a purple first sector 👀

"We've seen a lot less driver errors this year" I fear an incoming commentator's curse now

[Lap 24]: And cut to Tom Jones sat with the Lotus mechanics

and in racing news, there's just over 4 seconds covering 3rd-6th place

And a Toto sighting in the Merc garage!

[Lap 25]: There's Dan in the wall at turn 13 😭

He's absolutely fine, the front end is ever so slightly dented as he was braking for the corner.

But there's are Safety Car

(also silly me for getting my Toro Rosso's confused)

[Lap 26]: and in come a whole bunch of cars to pit under the SC, though Seb, Rosberg and Webber have stayed out.

[Lap 27]: Can't say I have a lot of thoughts, I did manage to find pics of Lewis' helmet though! It's an early version of his white and red helmet design he ran for a good while, one of my favourites of his

[Lap 28]: Rocky giving Seb some restart coaching, bless

Alright I've restrained myself for long enough, the Singapore skyline at night is bloody gorgeous

[Lap 29]: "If Ted's been doing maths I want to hear this in full" I will give Crofty that one right

Ted's back! He thinks it's going to be a 57-58 laps race (ie hitting the two hour race limit before the full race distance of 61 laps)

[Lap 30]: SC in this lap!

"The radio failed when I talk" That's definitely something you want to hear mid-race 😬 (This was Rosberg hopefully talking to his engineer)

Anyway, looks like Seb's restarted!

[Lap 31]: Post SC pit-stops, the top 5 is: Seb, Rosberg, Webber, Lewis and Alonso

If we get a Lewis v Fernando battle I fear my heart may not take it

[Lap 32]: oof that's a lot of marbles on the main straight

Meanwhile, Seb is back to doing Seb things, 4.1 gap to Rosberg

Not Lewis thinking he'd ran over debris and asking to the to check his tyre pressures. stress.

I think he's fine

[Lap 33]: Seb fastest lap 🥰

"More collective groans from the sofas of the world" Respectfully Crofty, shut up.

Niki vibing at the back of the garage with David Beckham

oof Romain being told to pit because his engine is having a problem with air consumption??????

"What is wrong with this car" Great question mate

This is the most bizzare thing I have ever seen.

He's just sat there while a Renault engineer puts some air into the car.

Sheesh. He comes out in 21st.

[Lap 35]: Right, hopefully we don't have to do that again.

Also no I'm still not used to hearing GP on Di Resta's team radio.

Fun fact, super soft is the same in Italian as it is in English. This was brough to you by Andrea Stella's radio to Fernando

[Lap 37]: Seb has a 12 second gap over Rosberg. 🏃‍♂️💨💨

ooooooof replay of Gutierrez juuuust missing the barriers as he went off the track, well saved has to be said.

[Lap 38]: and just to add to Rosberg's woes he has a chunk of rubber stuck in his front wing, which is losing him a little bit of aero performance

[Lap 39]: ✨another Seb fastest lap✨

and a Lewis PB!!

Ahhh, RBR want Seb to build another pit stop gap in case he needs it. clever.

oh no Romain DNF :(

[Lap 40]: we're at 40mins left of race time.

Thankfully the TV graphics still have a lap count

[Lap 41]: Webber pits for another set of mediums

sounds like we might get another pit stop shuffle

[Lap 42]: and lo and behold in comes Rosberg, also pitting for another set of mediums

and he's jumped by Webber!

They're down in 11th and 12th but that will likely change with the cars ahead pitting.

Though there's a change Alonso (now P3) can go to the end

[Lap 44]: STOP THE RACE!!! JENSON IS P4!!!!!

also in comes Lewis , who also stops for mediums. He comes out in 10th

Okay now we can stop the race JENSON'S P3!!!!!

Seb also called into pit.

[Lap 45]: He takes on a set of super softs, and is clear ahead of Alonso in P2.

livery watch: god the glossy red Ferrari under the lights really does hit different, I miss it 😭

meanwhile Rosberg is arguing with his engineer about the strategy and whether or not he should be pushing or saving his tyres

this is all under the assumption that Fernando has to stop again when he technically doesn't have to.

[Lap 46]: Anyway I'm jus to going to stare at Jenson being P3 on the timing screen because I have MISSED IT SO

Perez is also running P5, McLaren have potentially pulled a blinder.

[Lap 47]: The slow mo shot of Seb in his sparkly helmet >>>>>>

[Lap 48]: The Merc pit wall realising they're going to have to overtake some cars since those ahead on track are trying to run to the end

since those guys (Alonso, the McLarens and Raikkonen) all pitted under the SC, it's not surprising that they're trying to stretch their second stint out for as long as they can

[Lap 49]: First Webber, then Rosberg get past Gutierrez who's on older tyres

aaaand as does Lewis. (Webber now P7, Rosberg P8, and Lewis P9)

[Lap 50]: It's quite fun watching this strategy stuff play out because at a regular track, it would absolutely favour the 3 stoppers, but with Singapore being a street track it's slightly more difficult to make it work

also: OVERTAKES!!

[Lap 51]: I find it hilarious that Seb going so fast is going to be the decider as to whether or not the race goes to full distance or the 2hr time limit. King shit.

(I love him your honour)

[Lap 52]: He has a 13.5 second gap over Alonso in P2.

"Lewis Hamilton is starting to gain on his team mate" *2014-2016 flashbacks*

[Lap 53]: Damn I wish I had snacks, watching Webber and the Mercs charge through the field is so fun

[Lap 54]: Jenson is still in P3 but I know he doesn't finish there :(

and Webber gets past Hulkenberg for P6!

and Raikkonen gets past Jenson 😭

it was fun while it lasted

Top 3 now: Seb, Alonso and Raikkonen

[Lap 55]: And both Mercs take Hulkenberg

Di Resta in the barriers, though not by much.

While that happened Webber got past Perez

[Lap 56]: ...and now Jenson

I am equal parts thriving and in the trenches

[Lap 57]: 🚨5 laps remaining klaxon🚨

and Rosberg takes Perez

oh Massa's here

and Webber's shortshifting issues have returned.

[sirens, gunshots, the distant sound of sobbing strategists]

Rosberg gets past Jenson, and Lewis gets past Perez.

[Lap 58]: And Lewis overtakes Jenson into turn 1

I have no idea where any of these guys are position wise. Damn the scrolling positions graphic.

[Lap 59]: and as I say that it scrolls back: Seb P1, Alonso P2, Raikkonen P3, Webber P4, Rosberg P5, Lewis P6

But Webber's just been told he has to nurse his car to the end

[Lap 60]: We've also got a 4 car battle for P8. Jenson, Perez, Hulkenberg and Sutil are all running nose to tail

And both Mercs take Webber in the span of a couple of corners.

[Lap 61]: Final lap!!

something about the duality of Red Bull drivers, the onboard with Webber does not sound healthy.

While Seb has 34 seconds over Alonso.

[Finish]: and SEB WINS IN SINGAPORE!!!!! 🎉🎉🎉

King. Shit.

Alonso P2, Raikkonen P3, Rosberg P4, Lewis P5, Massa P6, Jenson P7, Perez P8, Hulkenberg P9 and Sutil round out the top 10.

WHEW. That's probably one of Seb's most dominant wins ever. Which is like iconic as hell. And he drove so fast that we did make it to full race distance. I only really enjoyed the latter stages of watching the 3 stopper cars carve their way through the field. The nature of the circuit meant they had to work for it, and they were all really great overtakes.

So that was very, very fun. Next race - South Korea!

[iturmom]

.

omg i forgot about read mores bc i'm so used to not using them from them being completely inaccessible for the longest time i forget them so much. i wish i had remembered them for my vent posts i'm sorry everyone. i'll do better going forward lol

for some reason lately i've been getting really triggered by mentions of casual sex. like for example earlier my housemate just casually mentioned a hookup she had and i could physically feel alarms going off in my parasympathetic system at the phrase "best sex of my life" maybe it's bc i wasn't expecting it it honestly came out of left field. like punched me in the face. this is actually the first time i'm processing this new issue at all uhh.

anyway i think it's some kind of fomo. which is wild to me bc i've been celibate for 4 years on purpose. i can't give so much of myself to anyone because i literally have nothing and a hottie can have their way with me for a night but it won't fix anything for me i will still be oppressed. i won't get anything out of it. nothing. at all. what's the point of having sex if you don't get anything out of it? to please a man? who doesn't give a fuck about my pleasure? about my survival? i can't physically let a man into my body if he doesn't care about me. maybe it has to do with how i was raped i did 100% vow celebacy because i was raped but i don't really have trauma from the rape? that i know of i guess? like the reason i won't have casual sex is because i won't have sex with someone who does not respect me and anyone who would want to have sex with me without caring about me does not respect me. i can never take back all of the men i've slept with who had no respect for me who are sleeping soundly while i am literally homeless and suffering. i will never let that happen to me again if i can help it. but i'm thinking maybe the rape does actually have something to do with that.

maybe there's fomo bc i'm so lonely and i want love and it seems like sex is the only form of romantic communication people have and i will never even get a taste of romance without sex. i'll never even get to experience the illusion of romance. i'm going to be forever alone bc i'm celebate and it's even voluntarily 😭😭 i feel even more pathetic than an incel right now.

maybe it hurts so much because it breaks my heart to hear that someone else has had sex with someone who didn't care about them it hurts so much. and also it frustrates me a little when people talk about desiring casual sex. maybe a lot. like why would you do that to yourself why would you give yourself away to someone who doesn't care if you live or die it's actually kinda mortifying to me.

i wonder if i should look for love in aspec communities but it seems offensive to even consider the idea bc i am not aspec so how could i interact with aspec communities without infiltrating them? and that's not something i'm okay with. maybe i should like ask an aspec ask blog if there's a solution to my problem. maybe i am aspec idk. i'm clearly sex repulsed even though i have a libido. sex doesn't gross me out at all it actually turns me on. like a lot. but it is just so repulsive to me not physically but mentally it's such a disturbing act. not to mention it's emotional torture. but it's so sexy wtf. i hate it. maybe i'm demisexual. but i don't think i am bc i am sexually attracted to people i am not in love with. i just can't get over the degredation i would feel to sleep with them. fuck it i'mma tag this post aspec see what happens.

[bemylord]

ꜱ/ᴏ ʙᴇɪɴɢ ᴄʟɪɴɢʏ

characters: satoru, itadori, megumi, toji, nanamin, sukuna.

warnings: it's not an angst, but it has triggers because they screamed at you :( [toji and sukuna parts bc yall know those man] + grammar issues. [aged up?]

butler's remark: it was hard to write yuuji, megumi and gojou parts bc they are good and sweet boys and i practically cry. i also had decided to do as a hdc not in the fake text. i did a reader with a strong character.

apologies part.

ɪᴛᴀᴅᴏʀɪ ʏᴜᴜᴊɪ:

pls no. i can't even imagine that yuuji would scream to you or say you're bothering him.

but, okay, that's why you're reading this.

you just wanted a piece, a little bit, some, of yuuji's attention while he was training.

you came to him from behind, wrapping hands around his neck.

you were happy to finally see and hug your boyfriend, planning to spend an evening watching some tv-shows.

suddenly, yuuji turned to you, and instead of the usual: 'sweetie, i'm so happy to see you let's watch the tv or eat ramen!'

he answered: 'i'm busy, y/n, let's talk later.'

being busy by doing something is totally normal.

but he could at least said you not cold as that. he turned around his body, continuing to do the same thing.

'but i missed you, yuuujiii~' you stretched out [?] his name in a smile, clinging to his shoulders again.

'can you not being clingy y/n, i'm trying to train. give me some space, you're starting to annoy me!'

you were standing there with doe eyes - he had never screamed at you.

'yeah? whatever, itadori. i'm gonna cuddle with megumi-kun, good training.'

you left the room with tears in the corner of your eyes. you'll give the space that yuuji had mentioned - you won't be talking with him for some days or weeks, therefore he'll know he should watch his mouth. [to follow what he says]

ꜰᴜꜱʜɪɢᴜʀᴏ ᴍᴇɢᴜᴍɪ:

he came back to the dorm late after training with satoru.

you, being the lovely girlfriend ever, wanted to help megumi: you filled the bathtub with water, made delicious dinner, and find a good movie to watch after bath. maybe, it isn't a romantic thing, but it'll help him to release the tension in the muscle.

'megumi, you finally here!' you had green your boyfriend with a warm hug, as you always do, cupped his face to kiss him.

you were about to give a kiss, when 'gumi intercepted your hands, looking at you tiredly.

'how was the train? you must be tired, that's why i made for you bath and dinner.'

you walked into the living room as you heard him muttering.

'you always being so annoying and so mommy [i mean, hyper custody], i am not a child, y/n, i can help myself.'

'gomen-gomen, megumi, i just wanted to help you relax.'

'stop being like that! that's annoying, i'll take a bath alone, without you.'

you saw bruises and abrasions on his face - he must be angry about that. you have known how megumi hates to be beaten gojou or todou.

you decided not to answer, only waiting till his fury will calm down and he will apologize.

ꜰᴜꜱʜɪɢᴜʀᴏ ᴛᴏᴊɪ:

i want to confess right away - i'm already afraid of him.

toji should be about to return home from a mission any minute now.

you had baked apple pie and made dinner, anticipating for your husband to arrive.

you only overheard heavy footsteps in the living room, immediately run to see him.

'my love, you back home.' you were about to kiss him, when he turned his head, pronouncing:

'don't touch me.'

his obnoxious nature. over the years of living with him you have taught him to be more gentle with you.

'use better words, toji.'

'i will talk to you as i want, woman. the fact you are my wife doesn't mean i'll be docile.'

'don't talk to me like that, i'm yo-'

'shut up, you're just a wife who comes when i need her. don't exalt yourself. don't be clingy.'

notwithstanding your strong character, tears start to roll down on cheeks.

'i have no intention of being your servant, toji. find another 'wife', i'm leaving.'

ɢᴏᴊᴏ ꜱᴀᴛᴏʀᴜ:

as you know, gojou satoru is a playful guy, who wants to tease you like 24/7.

you never thought that gojou would scream at you due to you being clingy. it happened, tho.

you are basically just like him, naughty and agile, waiting for him after work so you could take gojou in your arms and kiss him.

when you heard as the door opened, you ran to hug him. however, when you were anticipating to him to do the same, he uttered: 'let go of me.'

you thought he wanted to hug you first, so you've wrapped your arms around your neck tighter.

'did i not make myself clear? get off me. you being so clingy and intrusive.'

'i missed you, 'toru.'

'we see each other every single day, let me spend a few days alone, don't act like a child, stop being sticky'

when you heard the last word, you get off your boyfriend, watching as he slowly walking into the living room, not look at you.

'a few days alone? fine, gojo, whatever. all you want, i'm leaving.'

you grabbed your phone, leaving the house.

ɴᴀɴᴀᴍɪ ᴋᴇɴᴛᴏ:

you had mentioned that you might be clingy or sticky, demanding a lot of attention, when you on the period.

he agreed, laughed at your words. 'i always be with you anywhen, angel.'

as silly as it may sound, you wrapped your arms on a pillow, which was smelling like him, imagining it was kento.

you heard as a door opened, cheerfully coming down to greet your boyfriend.

'welcome home, darling, i was waiting for you to have some.. cuddles!' you straighten arms on him, expecting kento hugs you.

'it seems as you need me only for that, y/n.'

'no, darling, of course not. how was your day? tell me while we're gonna have a bath.'

'that's what i'm talking about. can it be only one day when you stop being sticky like that? i'm tired from work i want to be alone.'

you were speechless. you mumbled something illegible, step backward.

'y-yeah, s-sure..'

you walk in the bathroom, hiding your tears from him. as soon as you found yourself in the room, you sob.

'he just tired. i-i won't cry.'

you let your boyfriend spend an evening on his own, trying not to cry.

ꜱᴜᴋᴜɴᴀ ʀʏᴏᴍᴇɴ:

disclaimer: the king was really mad today, exactly today when you wanted to cuddle him.

you came to his domain, happy and shine like the sun - you've moved up in the ranks, isn't that a success?

you baked muffins, the kind that the king likes - with chocolate, and garnished with nuts on top. [it's only my opinion]

so, when you stood in front of a pile of skulls, sukuna unexpectedly said: 'you should leave. now.'

'huh?' you turned your head on the left, in a curious gesture, waiting for him to explain.

you did a step forward, thought you misunderstood him.

he didn't even look at you, sitting on the throne like you ain't here like you're sort of a slave, not a girlfriend.

'i've got so good news, sukuna. the first i had baked muff-'

before you could've finished the sentence, he used cursed energy to stop you, knocking the treats out of your hands.

'i fucking said you to leave my domain, woman. are you that stupid? and stop being clingy, it's irritating me.'

you knew his nature, you knew he might indicate something offensive, but, that one - above hurtful.

'what's wrong, the king?' you said his position mockingly, going down the skulls, looking at his back. 'go to hell, i'll tell it itadori. be here alone, sukuna.'

well, shall i do a part two with apologies? also sorry for kinda sad post.

[?] - pls corrent me if i used the wrong word.

↳ back to the main master list.

[sonianvmd]

thh characters with a crush on you

warnings: none, maybe some swearing but otherwise nothing major

oH and mentions of murder and death but this is danganronpa so im going to assume u expected as much

a/n: so we kickin this blog off with a bang, writing for LITERALLY THE ENTIRE TRIGGER HAPPY HAVOC CAST LMFAOAOAOAO (excluding hifumi, yasuhiro, and the two despairs doe bc i’ve already made that clear)

also some character’s sections are shorter than others im sorry i just couldnt think of as many bullet points for them *tiktok cry emoji*

edit: I FORGOT CELSESTE FU K SORRY

spoilers under the cut!!

★ 彡 ★ ミ ★ 彡 ★ ミ ★

makoto naegi

when he realizes he likes you, he doesn’t necessarily panic or anything, but he does get nervous

nervous around you, that is

y’all saw how he was with sayaka

if he says anything that might sound intimate then he’ll immediately rephrase it or reassure he didn’t mean anything by it

he really only does have good intentions but his wording just kinda flops sometimes

he appreciates how you listen to him and value what he says

you don't make him feel dumb or inferior compared to a bunch of ultimates with actual talents

he’ll muster up the courage to tell you eventually

let’s hope his luck comes through 😁

byakuya togami

now when THIS man realizes he likes you, he a bitch nigga bout it 😐

he can't believe he fell for a common plebeian such as you

but it was hard not to

the way you preferred to get to the point

the way you were aware of your situation and didn't sugarcoat how you felt about it, although you certainly were nicer with it than him

he's ruthless

anyways

you knew your priorities and spent no time trying to use your resources

he noticed how much you had in common; in you, he saw himself

and we all know how this mf feels about himself 😐

he’ll be quick to defend you in class trials

he won’t realize he’s doing it but he just subconsciously protects you

but just because he doesn't notice it, don't mean the rest of the class brushes past it as well

yeah they on his ass LMFAOO

kyoko kirigiri

kyoko is very good at keeping her composure so she won’t be very obvious

she’ll probably just hang around you more

she’ll also defend you in class trials, calmly

“oh, it couldn’t have been [name]. i remember seeing them in their dorm around the time the murder took place.”

hifumi probably finna say some dumb shit like “aye what was you doin in their dorm doe” but anyways

she finds you respectable

if you have anything to contribute, she’ll let you take the floor

when she tells you, she’s very composed, but also very indirect LMFAO

she’s not too sure on how to express her interest in you but maybe she’ll go about it like “well, [name], now we’ve made it here, would you like to step back into the world with me?” or somethin else along those lines idk

take her hand

pls

toko fukawa

y’all know her whole “master togami” shtick

yeah so 😁😁😁😁

no but fr, toko ofc still has her borderline stalkerish 🧍🏾‍♀️ tendencies

she’ll often find herself staring at you, either in the library or in the morning meetings everyday at breakfast

but she isn’t as straight forward as she is with byakuya

i actually think she’d be mad shy and non confrontational

the whole thing she kept up with him ? yeah, never again

if you approach her first then she’ll be able to get a few words out but for most of the conversation, she’ll just nervously play with her braids

you’ll most likely put two and two together

unless ur a makoto kinnie bc then you’ll have to wait till someone else puts it in place for u but anyways

if you decide to approach her about it, you’ll kinda be backing her into a corner bc she’s just bad at deflecting things lmao

she’ll eventually confess (begrudgingly but hey i mean its better than nothing)

expect much stuttering and a gesture like giving you a small gift

and not to be that writer that uses japanese terms in english writing but toko seems like a tsundere but not really if that makes sense?? so she’d probably shove it in your hands and if you try to say something then she’ll just try to play it off as not a big deal lol

calls u a baka 😍😍

aoi asahina

i know y’all all see how she is with sakura

yeah.

aoi is the kind of person who’d like to spend time with their crush rather than shy away from them

she values you and your friendship very much

bring her donuts

just trust me bring her donuts

she doesn’t really realize she’s into you like that for a while but believe me, she is, the whole time

and yeah i think she’d be nervous to tell you bc that’s just natural but ultimately she’d be cool about it

uh oh looks like we goin for a swim

sakura ogami

similar to kyoko, she’s very calm

despite her big and bad appearance, she really is a sweet girl

she cares for you and your well-being very much

will indeed go on x games mode for you

the way she tells you is very sincere and well spoken

kith her

naow

im sorry this is like the shortest one i couldn’t think of much for her 😔😔

leon kuwata

flirtatious ass mf

and he’s lightskin

so this just cannot go well

y’all know that bit where it’s like the guy yawns and stretches his arms up and then wraps one around your shoulder

yeah that’s literally him LMFAOO

he’s very confident

he was fairly well known with the ladies at his old school so you know he’s rhockin wit it ‼️

but

you feel.. different than usual ??

those girls were just lil flings n dates bc he was nice enough to accept their confessions and it boosted his ego anyway so it was a win win

but you

he was genuinely interested in you since he had saw you the first time

he didn’t just acknowledge your appearance

he learnt about your personality and your hobbies and what you liked and such, and he really cared and wanted to hear you talk about it all

he felt the need to really make an effort to show you how much he respected and had affections for you

he doesn't tell you in a grand way

probably just asks you out to a movie or somethin

he's chillin

mondo owada

you know

for being the biggest, baddest, most respected biker gang leader

or just for being in a biker gang period

mondo’s a huge softie lol

yeah he gets violent but he’s a sweet guy who cares about and is loyal to his friends

so mfs need to be nice to you

or they gettin whooped

when he decides it’s time to tell you how he feels, he thinks over his words and he’s all confident there’s no way you’d reject him but then he sees you in the halls and goes 🧍🏾 LMFAOOO

he’ll push through but it’s like he’ll walk up to you and look away from you because he refuses eye contact and just go

“so y/n, would you wanna.. tch.. come to a drive-in movie with me or somethin’?... dumbass.”

real smooth mondo i think you got em good job

please tease him LMFAOO it’d be so funny

he’d probably yell but you can tell he’s not mad so you just keep going with it

but once you’re done tormenting him, you do agree to the movie, don’t worry 🙏🏾

also mondo would call his s/o doll

that is all

chihiro fujisaki

my fav dude in a dress <3

chihiro would be quite shy, but that’s just how he is tbh so no surprise there

he’s very kind so he’d check up on you often just to see how you are

he cares about you v much

the way he confesses is one that consists of a red face as he offers you a box of candy or something similar

and he’d feel honored that you reciprocate his feelings

he’d be very scared to tell you his secret but once he does, he’s delighted to hear it doesn’t make any difference to you

he doesn’t know how he got so lucky with you

not only because woooo they like me back but also because you like him despite,, well everything about him LMFAOO

sweet lil boy

i’d feel like he’d talk about you to alter ego a lot

and when u meet the program for the first time, he’s like “oh! you must be [name]! master’s told me all about you :)”

sobbing i miss him

kiyotaka ishimaru

okay here’s the thing

if taka were to like someone

i can’t tell whether he’d be more strict because he doesn’t want them to get in trouble (and also so it would hopefully divert any suspicion that he DOES like you since he treats you the same as everyone else, only more)

or if he’d hold back more because he favors them LMFAOO

so imma write a lil bit for both

in the case that he was even stricter:

he’d prefer to be around you because he believes the best way he can make sure you stay out of trouble is to make sure you don’t get into any in the first place

of course it’s impossible to monitor you every second of every day but he does his best to make sure you’re doing well

if he sees you do anything out of line, he’s shutting that shit down IMMEDIATELY

but in the case he let up:

he’d still lecture you but noticeably less than the other students

if your feet were resting on top of a desk, he’d ask you to move them and then leave you alone rather than yell at you and forcibly move them himself

if you notice his behavior towards you in comparison to the other students do not tease him about it he will go as red as his eyes /hj

either way he’s confessing to you with a polite but exaggerated bow while holding out a well thought out letter with both hands

sayaka maizono

she will tell you

idk why but i feel like she’d be straight up lol

she’d make sure she’s sincere

she is the ultimate pop idol and all so she wants to make sure you know that she really does like you and isn’t playing a sick joke on you or anything

ok bc

while i do think she’d tell you

i’d feel like she’d be a little indirect just to see how you feel

like she’d give you a free ticket to one of her upcoming concerts with a kind smile

and naturally, you're like :o

and of course you come to support her

and seeing you smile at her from the crowd and cheer her on was the encouragement she needed to push her to ask you out

for real this time

she asks if you wanna come to a concert with her and ur like “oh yeah i love ur shows!!” bc ur dumb and then she’s like “no i mean.. for another artist” and eventually it hits you that she’s asking you out and ur like “oH YEAH YEAH SURE THAT SOUNDS GREAT YEAH OK” LMFAOO

———

i really hope that this is good LMFAOO this is my first time writing for dr so 😃👍🏾

fun fact i finished toko’s section first and taka’s last 😁😁

and i’d like to thank @mius-imagination @bloodygir n the rest of the discord for helping me figure some of these characters out *simultaneously whips and nae naes*

bye ive been working on this for like weeks this took forever

———

edit: here’s a deleted section bc i kept blanking for this character 😍