#I don't think we live in a simulation to be clear

[jellybeanium124]

you know if we're living in a simulation there's probably millions of signs but all of that is just normal to us because we've only ever lived in the simulation.

[sympathytea]

Alright chat before s2 starts tomorrow I want to put one more idea out there or rather, theory.

So we know that the red gate at the diamond level probably leads to like, a lobby or something. Probably a no-pvp zone. Assuming that every civilization has a lobby exit gate at their last level (depending on the weapon this might just be instantly accessible) Is there actually a way out? Or is this it? Are they suspended in the void? Is there ever really anything outside of the civilizations? Is it an apocalypse out there, perceived to be that way? Or is it. Nothing special? Personally what I'm going with until its proven wrong: There is no true exit. Death is the only way out of PVP civilization. The whole thing with Evbo's immortality, his obsession with trying to get down lower and see if there's anything outside of it. Wouldn't it be fucked up if there was actually just nothing except this hell that he put himself through for no reason? The guy in episode 1 might've had a point there, and might've been the smartest guy Evbo ever met. The point of the whole game being to not play at all.

Putting himself in a cycle of dying and living and dying? Probably the worst idea he had, assuming I'm right. Which considering everyone seems more concerned about prolonging the inevitability of death? Farming for durability, paying for immortality with said durability? What if they already knew there was nothing out there, and nobody thought to tell Evbo. Either because they didn't have the heart to crush his dreams, or fear that it would break him. Could you imagine how devastated he would be if he got that revealed to him? That there isn't a way out, that nobody is going to escape PVP Civilization. There is no Chosen One, to lead everyone out of hell.

[hgfictionwriter]

First Time

Jessie Fleming x Reader

Summary: You and Jessie meet at UCLA and have been together a couple of months, but still haven't been intimate. In fact, she's never been intimate with anyone. But when your roommate is out one night, she might finally experience her first time.

Warnings: G!P content. Dry humping Simulated intercourse. Premature ejaculation. Cunnilingus. Penetrative sex. Loss of virginity. Unprotected sex. Praise kink. Language.

A/N: In response to this request. Virgin Jessie - shy, nervous, but just oh so eager to please. Happy holidays!

Jessie gave your hand a small squeeze as you walked across campus together. A bashful smile crossed her face at the way you turned your head towards her with a hint of surprise before giving her a warm smile and laugh. You giggled softly as you leaned in for a quick peck on her cheek mid-step.

"You are too cute," you told her as you faced forward once more.

"I just had a good night with you," she said as she reflected on the sunset picnic you'd had together at a nearby park. She released a quiet sigh as you approached the juncture in the path that signaled the end of your evening together; her dorm one direction, yours the other.

You stood together, your arms now resting across the back of her shoulders in a comfortable embrace. Jessie felt her face growing hot before she'd even begun speaking.

"Uh, my roommate's home tonight. Love her, but, it kinda sucks. Don't get me wrong, I love our dates," she gestured between herself and you as her eyes were affixed to the cement below, "and exploring the city together, but it would be kind of nice sometimes to have our own space? You know?" She shook her head quickly with a nervous chuckle as she looked back up at you. "I'm probably not making any sense."

You leaned in a gave her a sweet, chaste kiss, calming her nerves immediately.

"Good news. My roommate is at a party tonight. She probably won't be home until late," you told her.

Jessie's face lit up before she quickly quelled her excitement. She automatically assumed that meant she'd come over, but she shouldn't assume.

You laughed, giving her another quick kiss.

"Want to come over?"

Or maybe she could assume.

"Yeah. Sure. That'd be great," Jessie replied, trying not to sound too eager.

Though you'd been together a couple of months now, between the nature of her schedule and the realities of your living situations, there really was very little time where it was you two alone and in private. A night like this was rare.

In your dorm, you sat down on your bed and patted the spot next to you, inviting Jessie to sit down instead of standing awkwardly several feet away like she was.

"What do you want to do?" You asked as you leaned back on your hands and looking far too tempting. Jessie sat stiffly rubbing her already-sweaty palms against her jeans. She cleared her throat, glancing at you over her shoulder before looking away despite her efforts.

"Um, anything," she said before forcing a smile and looking at you once more.

"You're my guest," you countered with a smirk as you sat back up and nudged her with your shoulder, "it's up to you."

Jessie laughed, feeling the tension of the moment - whether it was solely in her head or not - settling all throughout her body as she nudged your leg with hers. "No, it's not up to me."

"Mm, I think it is," you said easily as you shifted slightly towards her, your knee coming up onto the bed as you tucked your foot under you. You held her gaze and it felt so intense to her in the best way possible.

"I want to do whatever you want to do," she offered with a shrug, turning slightly towards you on the bed now as well.

You held her gaze a moment longer before finally exhaling with a soft huff and looking away, an affectionate smile lingered on your face.

"Well, we don't get much time alone, so...," you trailed off as you slowly leaned in, capturing Jessie's lips. She smiled into the kiss.

The kisses started of very chaste, but things shifted just so as Jessie allowed her hands to ever so slightly wander; a hand gently cupping the side of your neck, her thumb softly caressing your jawline and her other hand toying with the hem of your shirt. You reciprocated, a thumb caressing her collarbone and your other hand on her knee.

Your tongue began to explore her lips and mouth and Jessie remained steady. Even if things didn't progress much, she could feel herself starting to get hard within her jeans. If you noticed, you didn't let on.

Jessie wanted to explore so much more, but you didn't make a move, so she didn't either. It was only a matter of time until you pulled back with a soft smile and rest your head on her shoulder.

She sat tensely, very keenly aware that although jeans gave some concealment, you could probably still very much see the bulge in her pants.

"Want to watch a movie?" You asked, getting up off of the bed without waiting for an answer.

"Y-yeah," Jessie stammered, still trying to be present in the moment and will her erection away. She looked around quickly and saw a throw pillow at the edge of your bed and laid it across her lap.

You returned with your laptop and coaxed her to the wall so you could both lean back and watch the movie. She couldn't help but notice how you very politely didn't acknowledge the pillow across her lap.

She sat there awkwardly at first as the movie started, but soon put her arm around you and you cuddled in. You both initiated light caresses throughout and it did nothing to help her with her arousal. It was nearly painful now and she honestly had no clue what was going on in the film. All she could think about was every touch, every movement, and her mind was creating an entirely different movie inside of her head.

Outside of Jessie being on the receiving end of a few fleeting, but heated kisses throughout your relationship, things hadn't gotten much more serious physically. What happened tonight is about as far as you ever got.

Jessie didn't know what to expect, really. She'd never dated before. She was never around in high school, so building that kind of a connection would've been difficult to begin with. And God knows she was even shyer back then, so between how young she always looked compared to the other girls and how she fell apart around anyone she had a crush on, it was no surprise that she was never seen as more than a friend.

Now, in uni, she was still shy - there was no denying that - but between her growing role on the national team, her role here on the Bruins and just exploring this new phase of her life, her confidence had grown. So though her nerves were rattling as she talked to you the first few times in class, she got through. She made you smile, made you laugh, impressed you with her smarts, and was over the moon when you gave her your number.

As you planned out your first date, she sheepishly admitted she wasn't entirely sure what to plan - she'd never been on a real date before.

It was embarrassing to her, frankly. Being in her second year - no serious romantic experiences to speak of, no girlfriends, and certainly no sex. All of her friends had lost their virginity and were, how should she put it, very confident and experienced in that department by now. And one would think she would be too given her athletic status, but that just wasn't her.

You'd been a little shocked initially. Bashful now in your own right over your own experience and history. Jessie profusely interjected - telling you there was nothing for you to be embarrassed about or feel ashamed about. You're beautiful, you're charming, you're smart - of course you'd have past relationships and experience. She joked she'd just need you to be patient with her.

"We'll take it slow," you'd promised with a sweet and caring kiss.

But now, two months in. Jessie regretted her joke. You'd really taken it to heart and now she felt like it was entirely upon her to push things forward. She didn't know where you stood - if you wanted more already or not and she didn't know how to proceed. She'd dropped hints - like tonight - and you didn't reciprocate the way she wanted.

So she worried. And fretted. And ultimately never pushed further.

Time went by achingly slow as the movie continued. Jessie couldn't help but shift uncomfortably in place as her member throbbed with want. You weren't even really doing anything - nothing explicit, certainly, but she wanted you so bad even a feathery touch sent goosebumps flaring across her skin.

"You okay?" You asked.

"Yeah," she assured you with a tight smile.

"You can move if you aren't comfortable," you told her.

"Oh, no," she dismissed with a rapid shake of her head and another reassuring smile. "It's not that. I mean - I'm not uncomfortable. I-I like being with you."

You chuckled, a faint smirk on your face as you kissed her cheek sweetly. "I like being with you, too."

As the movie continued and you drew faint, teasing circles on her collarbone and the odd fleeting breath hit the sensitive skin of her neck, she clutched the pillow in her fists and clenched her jaw, nearly grinding her teeth together.

"Are you sure you're okay?" You asked.

Jessie found herself letting out a slow exhale, keeping her eyes fixed on the screen.

"Yep, I'm good," she said almost curtly though flashed you a quick smile after. You frowned.

"You don't seem comfortable. I can give you some space if that's it," you said.

Jessie couldn't help the bewildered, frustrated laugh that escaped her as she looked up at the ceiling.

"No - that's, that's really not it," she said, feeling now like she could explode out of her own skin with the tension that had mounted in her body. She scratched at the side of her head as she struggled to figure out what to do.

"I, um," she stammered. She shifted, feeling compelled to stand up and get away, but quickly realized she couldn't - not without the tent in her pants being fully on display once more.

"Babe, what's wrong?" You asked, now looking genuinely concerned.

Jessie buried her face in her hands with a shake of her head. She dropped them heavily onto the pillow and let her head fall back against the wall with a dull thud.

"I'm just...yes. A bit uncomfortable," she eventually admitted, feeling immense heat radiating off her face. She could only imagine how red she must be.

"Um, well, is there anything I can do?" You asked tentatively.

She laughed. "No. I um," her mind attempted to conjure up the best response but she landed with another, "no." She caught the perplexed frown you shot her.

"Well, you seem unsettled. If I'm making you uncomfortable I'm really sorry," you told her as you sat back a bit.

She sighed before letting her head roll to the side to give you a frown of her own while she did her damnedest to push down the embarrassment that flooded her system. "Come on, you know."

"I-what?" You asked with a deeper frown.

Jessie sighed once more and ran a hand roughly across the back of her neck as her gaze settled on the blankets of your bed.

"It's nothing bad," she eventually settled on saying, mustering a look to you before flitting away again. "Least I don't think so."

"Okay. Now I'm really confused," you said. You took a small breath. "I wish you'd tell me."

Her face felt hot as ever as she laughed lightly and looked up to the ceiling once more.

"I just find you very, very attractive. So. I'm struggling a bit right now."

"Oh." You said simply. She studied you, but your expression was unreadable.

"I'm sorry," Jessie breathed, shifting slightly as she scratched at her temple. "That's so awkward. And we said we'd go slow. And I don't want to pressure you-"

"Pressure me?" You asked, voice rising in confusion and swiftly ending Jessie's ramblings.

"Well, yeah," she stammered slightly while offering you a faint smile. "I know I asked you to be patient with me. But that also means I don't want to push you at all. I mean, just because I'm-I'm...," she inadvertently looked down at the pillow in her lap, "whatever, doesn't mean we have to-"

"You aren't pushing me at all," you told her calmly. A hint of a smirk played at the corner of your mouth. "I'm...waiting on you." You held your hand up quickly. "No rush! I'm happy to take our time. But. Whenever you're ready. I'm ready."

She shot you a somewhat bewildered look. "Seriously?" She blushed as you couldn't hold back a laugh. She frowned. "I just meant you haven't initiated anything!"

"Why would I?" You returned, folding your arms across your chest playfully. "I know it would be your first time, so I thought we were letting you set the pace."

She blew a raspberry, blushing at the action before shooting you another tempered glare. "Well I could've used some encouragement! I just thought you weren't interested in more yet. You didn't reciprocate any-" she gestured aimlessly for a second, "you know."

"I reciprocated," you said pointedly, though still smirking at her. "Whatever you did, I reciprocated. But I didn't push further. It's important to me that you be entirely comfortable. I didn't want you to feel like we had to do more until you were ready. Hence, letting you set the pace."

A groan escaped her throat and she let her head fall back against the wall with another thud. She closed her eyes in frustration and mild regret for a moment before opening them and looking at you with a sheepish smile.

"Well. I'm..."

"...what?"

She gave an exaggerated shrug and a fleeting glance. "Ready."

You nearly snorted. "That didn't exactly sound enthusiastic." You laughed once more. "I'm looking for enthusiastic consent."

"Oh my God," Jessie complained as she dropped her hands into the pillow heavily once more. "You're going to kill my 'enthusiasm' with criticisms like that."

You gasped dramatically and Jessie's gaze snapped over to you.

"Just what every girl wants to hear," you teased.

"No, wait, I'm sorry," she offered as she adjusted her spot on the bed, facing you more fully, still keeping the pillow firmly in place. You seemed to be joking, but she felt compelled to reassure you either way. "I was just kidding. You never have to worry about that. I, uh," she glanced away playing with the seam of the pillow distractedly, "often, you know, struggle to," she cleared her throat, "contain myself around you." She felt heat rising in her cheeks once more and she went on in a rush. "I don't mean that disrespectfully at all. I meant it as a compliment. But now I'm hearing it and-"

"Babe," you cut her off as you reached up to hold her face in your hands. She stopped as your eyes searched hers. "it's okay. I understand. I was just teasing you. And I don't feel at all like you're disrespecting me. In fact," you gave a slight tilt of your head, "you can consider me flattered."

Jessie digested your words and eventually gave a couple of slow nods.

"So," you started. You lowered your hands, one landing to rest on her lower thigh. "[y/roommate] is out. She won't be back for hours - if at all tonight, to be honest. Do you want to...?"

Jessie swallowed. After so many years and countless dreams, it seemed the moment might actually be here.

"I-If you want to."

You gave her a look and a single shake of your head. "Do you want to. It's not enough if I just want to."

She nodded, maintaining your gaze. "I do." She chuckled, unable to stop herself. "Most definitely."

You gave her a soft smile. "Okay." You leaned in and kissed her slow, similar to how you'd done several times before, but this time it felt different. Jessie barely stopped the moan that nearly bubbled up her throat.

"You don't need this, then," you said gently as you picked up the pillow by its corner and pulled it away from her. Habit almost made her grab it and hold it back, but instead she let you move it away.

This time, unlike any other time before, you didn't politely avert your gaze from her bulge; you stared unabashedly. She couldn't help but shift slightly under your gaze and she cleared her throat.

"Don't worry," you told her, "I like what I see already." Surprise washed over her as suddenly you lifted yourself up and swung a leg across her to straddled her thighs. "I can't wait to see more."

Jessie just stared up at you speechless, though thankfully her body at least know how to react and her hands came to rest on your hips.

"Is this okay?" You asked. It took her a second, her throat dry, before she nodded.

"Yeah." A crooked smile tugged at her lips. "I love it."

You captured her lips in a heated kiss, this time your hips slowly started to grind upon her. Her breath shuddered and her eyes flew open at the sensations that shot through her.

Holy shit.

She stared up at the ceiling, a slight panic coming over her at the realization that there was a very real chance of her blowing her load before you'd even taken her pants off. If you were deterred by how she paused, you didn't show it, instead you tilted your head and began to start kissing down the side of her neck.

She remained still under your touch, her eyes falling shut now. A couple of small whimpers escaped despite every effort to suppress them.

"If you want me to stop, please tell me. We can stop at any time," you told her as you continued to kiss her neck and rock your hips against the hard bulge in her jeans. "I'm serious."

Jessie opened her mouth several times, but nothing came out. She merely nodded to start, eventually saying, "I-I don't want you to stop."

"Then I won't," you said simply, a lilt in your voice as your hands began to wander down her chest.

"Oh God," she said, again, cursing the inability to control her reactions. Her hips began to now push back into yours and her hands pushed under your shirt, a small moan nearly escaping at the feel of your warm skin under her touch.

You moaned against her neck and her fingers instinctively dug into your skin. The sound of your moan immediately burned itself into her brain and she decided right then and there that she wanted to hear that sound again and again.

Her mouth hung open as she breathed heavily while you continued to patiently explore.

"You feel so good already," you told her as you rocked against her restrained member.

"Oh God," she said once more and eyes slammed shut as she tightened her grip on you, pushing against you to the point of holding you in place.

You paused and she forced her eyes back open to see you looking down at her in concern.

"I, um, no, it's- I just." She took a moment to breath. "I'm seriously going to - you know. I just need a second. I'm so sorry."

To her surprise, a wicked grin crossed your face and you kissed her hard.

"You have no idea how hot that is," you told her unequivocally.

"Really?" She said with a near glare and blatant skepticism. "Because I'm pretty sure that's what girls make fun of most of the time."

"Not me," you responded, unbothered. "The thought of you cumming just from me being on top of you like this? Gorgeous. That is so sexy."

Jessie was ready to offer a rebuttal when you shifted off of her, giving her some greater reprieve.

"We can save that for another time though," you said benevolently. "For now..."

Jessie unknowingly took a deep breath as you started undoing her jeans. She felt like she was in a dream or a daze as you began removing her clothes and yours.

She originally thought she'd be too shy to look at you in your fully naked glory, but she surprised herself with how she couldn't take her eyes off of you instead. Her gaze raked up and down your body and she couldn't resist caressing your skin.

The moans of approval you gave her as her hands wandered or she kissed your skin had her in an altered state. This must be what it felt like to be high.

Soon you were back where you started, holding yourself above her, but this time her bare cock standing tall, precum dripping over the head and down the shaft oh so eager to be inside of you. Your warm hand gently wrapped around her to hold her in place. She felt breathless.

"Are you sure?" You asked as you held yourself poised above her.

Her eyes were fixed on her cock in your hand and how hot and incredible it felt to just have her tip nestled at your entrance. She forced herself to look up at you.

"I'm sure," she told you.

You smiled gently at her and leaned in, kissing her softly. She'd barely leaned up into the kiss when suddenly the heat from your core that rest on the head of her cock began to envelope her. She broke off the kiss immediately, eyes closed and jaw slack as your wetness stretched tightly around her tip and you slowly sank down onto her.

It sounded ridiculous, but she felt like she was seeing stars even eyes closed. Her jaw dropped further as your core fluttered warm and wet around her length and you settled on top of her.

Holy fuck. She'd masturbated countless times before. Hell, she even used the fleshlight - once - one of her teammates got her as a gag gift. But fuck. Nothing compared to this. No wonder people liked sex so much.

Just when she felt she'd steadied herself, you began to lift yourself up on her hardness once more until it was just the tip stretching out your entrance once more.

"Is this okay?" She heard you ask. She couldn't formulate words, she merely nodded and inadvertently began to push you back down onto her waiting cock.

You may have chuckled, she couldn't be sure, but soon you were establishing a rhythm, steadily rising and falling on her length. She could barely open her eyes. She heard you moaning softly as you began to ride her.

"You feel so good inside of me," you said as you began to rock yourself against her faster.

It felt incredible. Too incredible.

Her throat seized up as she felt the familiar tightening between her legs come on way too fast and by the time she'd even recognized the feeling she was gripping your thighs, fingers turning white, as she shot rope after rope of cum inside of you.

"Oh f-fuck," she stammered as she subconsciously jerked up into you as her orgasm continued. She felt mortified as she realized what was happening, but she couldn't stop and she could do nothing more than helplessly rut into you, muffled whimpers escaping her as she tried to quiet herself.

As her body slowly relaxed in the wake of her sudden orgasm, she vaguely began to notice how you tenderly massaged her scalp, stroking her hair. She blinked in a haze as you laid soft kisses atop her head. Despite your affection, her stomach sank.

"I'm so, so sorry," she began, voice pleading as she looked up at you. "I-I don't know-"

"Shh, it's okay," you assured her as you caressed her face and tilted her chin to kiss her softly. "I'm not bothered at all." Still, Jessie shook her head adamantly.

"I'm so embarrassed. Oh my God-"

"Hey," you said, cutting her off and looking her in the eye. "It's okay." She watched in confusion as the faintest smirk crossed your lips. "Like I said. It's pretty hot. I take it as a compliment. And besides," you went on lightly, brushing her hair back with your hands once more as you wiggled your hips atop of her and she held back a moan, "there's still plenty more night ahead of us."

Jessie quashed the rebuttal forming in her mind and instead simply looked at you and gave a slow, adoring shake of her head.

"You're the best. And I'm lucky to be with you," she said instead.

Before she could let her nerves get the best of her again, she gently nudged your hips with her thumbs, coaxing you to get off.

"I want to do something for you," she said and it only took a split second for you to smirk at her again. "What good manners," you said with waggle of your eyebrows as you rose off of her, obliging her request.

Her eyes fell to the sheets below as a pool of cum spilled out of you as down her softening cock and onto the bed. She stared wide-eyed for a moment at the mess you two had made, her cock pulsing at the sight as the visual tickled some part deep inside her brain.

She refocused as you settled onto your back, your head on the pillow.

"You don't have to do anything you don't want to, you know that right?" You said as you looked down at her. Frankly, she was too distracted by the sight of your wet pussy, cum still leaking out, and it took her a moment to register your statement.

She frowned. "I'm so into this. You have no idea," she breathed as she placed a hand on the inside of your knee, your legs automatically parting at the gesture. Her pulse quickened in anticipation.

"You're beautiful," she told you as she began to lay a few kisses along the inside of your thighs. Your scent overtook her senses and she felt herself growing hard again.

"Hand me that other pillow," you told her and she did so. She watched as you lifted your hips and settled it under them. "I find this helps," you explained. Jessie simply nodded, taking a mental note.

She began kissing her way up your thighs, her arms hooked under your legs and fingers gently digging into the top of them. Her nose was nearly touching your lips when she paused briefly.

"Um, I won't be offended if you tell me I'm doing something wrong," she said. "Or if you tell me I'm doing something right. I want to make sure you feel as amazing as possible. I've read a lot, but still, you never know. And-"

She looked up your body at you to see you smiling - maybe even cheekily - down at her.

"What?" She asked slowly, feeling a blush coming on.

"Nothing bad," you promised. "That's the perfect approach. And you're observant. And a good listener. So I'm sure you'll do great. My only tip is - when I tell you 'don't stop' - I mean it. Keep doing what you're doing - don't switch it up or speed up. Just do exactly what you're doing."

Jessie nodded intently. "Okay. I will."

Settling back in, Jessie began kissing along the juncture between your thighs and your core. Again, your smell was intoxicating and her cock throbbed, wanting to feel you wrap tightly around her once more. But first, she wanted to focus on you.

She laid a tentative kiss on your lips. A second time, gently suckling your folds, the taste of your cum and hers hitting her tongue for the first time. She peeked her tongue out and gave a faint lick through your folds. Her ears perked up as your hips shifted before her.

She gave another curious lick, this time at your entrance, surprised at the sensation of your juices on her tongue. She continued to patiently explore, trying to capture every subtle change in your breathing, any slight movement of your body.

"Mm, right there, baby," you moaned in approval as she settled her mouth around your clit. She sucked and licked delicately for several moments, again noting every reaction you had.

"Like you really mean it," you instructed as you rolled your hips into her face. Whether it was your words or the action, it triggered something in her mind and she dove in. You let out a low moan, your hand raking through her hair as you tilted your head back into the pillow.

That was the affirmation she needed. She abandoned her inhibitions. She gripped your thighs, pulling you closer to her on the bed and loving the small cry you let out as she fully latched on and lapped you up. She moaned into you and felt a wave go through her at how you moaned in returned, your hand still gripping her hair.

"Holy shit, Jess. Yes - like that," you told her and any need she had to come up for air dissipated in favour of wanting more and more praise from you.

Your hips began to buck into her mouth, but she stayed with you and didn't let up. Her senses buzzed as your legs grew restless and she felt you digging them into the mattress.

She continued her eager exploration, seeing what seemed to get the most reaction out of you and in time as she sucked on your clit and flicked the tip of her tongue against it you let out a particularly wanton moan and held her head firmly in place.

"Yes - oh my God. Right there, don't stop," you panted.

She resisted the urge to quicken her pace and instead did exactly as you instructed. You noises ceased for a moment and she was about to wonder if she'd done something wrong when a crescendo of a cry came from your mouth and your thighs locked around her head. You began to spasm against her and she felt a rush of liquid run down her chin.

She continued to suck and lick despite the way your hips jerked and eventually your body grew limp. She remained attentive, not wanting to stop too early until she felt you gently push her head away with a breathy laugh.

"Okay, okay," you laughed. "Give me a second."

"Oh," she said as she lifted her head, looking at you curiously before laughing softly herself. "Sorry. I didn't know if you wanted me to stop."

"No, no," you dismissed as you pulled her up onto you, wrapping your arms around her as you let out a content sigh. "You did amazingly."

"You're sure?" She asked as she lifted her head to look you in the eye, only to see you laying there, head tucked into her shoulder eyes closed. "You can be honest. I want it to be good for you."

You chuckled against her, giving her a squeeze. "That was really good. Like...hard to believe it's your first time kind of good."

Jessie felt a few embers of pride flare up within her chest and she bit back a satisfied smile.

"Okay. If you say so. But, if you want something different at any point just say." She began to blush, but forced herself to say what was on her mind anyway. She said it jokingly, despite how true it was. "I want to make sure you're fully satisfied."

"Mm," you voiced as you kissed her shoulder. "If that's just a preview of what's to come, you have nothing to be worried about."

Again, that prideful feeling stirred in her chest, but this time it was shrouded in apprehension. There were still other aspects of this she had yet to impress you with.

"Speaking of," you said, a lilt in your voice as you leaned up and began to lay teasing kisses on her neck that sent goosebumps across her skin. Her jaw dropped as your warm hand wrapped around her stiff member. "Seems like you're ready for round two."

She allowed herself a short laugh. "Well, you were really fucking hot, so..."

"Well, you felt - and tasted - how hot you got me just then, so, I guess we're even," you said with a smile in your voice as your hand began to slowly stroke up and down her length.

Even this felt so good, though. In the recesses of her mind she was already trying to formulate ways for you two to get more alone time together - she wouldn't be able to wait weeks and weeks again for this.

As good as it felt, she felt more in control this time around. Having cum earlier seemed to have take the edge off - slightly anyhow.

She grit her teeth together as you continued to patiently jerk her off. She subtly rocked her hips into your hand and you moaned softly in approval in her ear.

"So, ready for round two?" You asked. Her breath hitched slightly as she pushed into your waiting fist.

"Whenever you are," she responded. "Seriously. We don't have to rush," she went on, mindful of your request to give you a short break. She chuckled. "We've waited this long."

"Was the wait worth it?" You asked as your thumb circled her tip and your tongue teased the shell of her ear. She shivered, fingers digging into your hips.

"Fuck," she breathed as her eyes closed. "Way more incredible than anything I could've pictured. You're so perfect."

"We haven't even got to the good stuff yet," you teased, nibbling at her ear as you hooked one leg around the back of hers, running it up and down her leg.

It felt like energy was pulsing through her body and she had to smile in disbelief at it all. "You're incredible. I love you so much."

"I love you too, baby," you said as you tilted your head to kiss her softly at first before deepening the kiss and eliciting a moan out of her as your rocked your hips against her, her length flat against her stomach and yours now.

"Now," you went on, whispering in her ear once more. "I want you inside of me." Jessie's breath hitched yet again.

Despite feeling more confident and at ease, the nerves she felt before started to come back.

“Do you want to be on top again?" She asked as her hands caressed your curves, appreciating your body as she awaited your response. She felt you shake your head against her.

“I want you on top. I can still call the shots while on my back," you said flirtatiously as you traced a single finger down her spine. She let out a breathy laugh, flustered by your reply.

"You're really sexy," she said in wonderment. "Did I tell you that already?"

"Not exactly," you said with a soft laugh as you grasped her hips and shifted both of you so she was poised at your entrance once more. You leaned up and kissed her. "I'll tell you what I like, but if you're feeling overwhelmed you can slow down or stop. Don't worry, okay? It's supposed to be fun. And it's about us connecting and being together."

Jessie nodded. "I know. And I hear you. But I also just want you to feel as good as you make me feel."

"Mm, you want me coming undone on your cock, do you?" You asked as you held her chin between your thumb and index finger.

"Shit," Jessie said as her eyes fluttered shut at your words alone. She smirked. "Come on, babe. You gotta give me a chance here."

It seemed to be the right thing to say because you beamed up at her and caressed her face.

"If I know you the way I think I know you, it won't be long until you know all the right things to do and say to have me falling apart at your every whim. So, I'm going to enjoy this while I can."

Jessie grinned above you. "While that sounds pretty fucking amazing, I really just love the idea of being the one to make you feel incredible. I hope I can do that for you."

"You're off to a good start already," you chuckled as you reached down to hold her cock steady at your entrance. You gave her a light tug and she allowed you to guide her forward, her tip nudging your entrance open. She couldn't help but let her head fall against your shoulder at how good it felt already.

Your other hand came to her ass and gently pushed her hips down, she moved with your pressure and she felt your heat envelope her as she slowly sunk inside.

"Fuck," she breathed at the sensation. Her fists clenched into the mattress next to you and it almost made her toes curl.

You chuckled good-naturedly as you ran a hand through her hair. "Feel good, baby?" Her head lolled against yours.

"Mm. You feel so fucking amazing. Holy shit," she said as your legs wrapped around her waist and she sunk even deeper into you. "Oh Jesus."

You moaned lightly arm wrapping around her shoulder while the other remained teasing her hair. "It feels good for me too. You're filling me up so full."

Her fingers curled tighter into a fist, the sound of the sheets straining in her grasp below her. "Christ," she said. She hadn't even completed a full stroke and she was nearly on the cusp again.

She didn't think she'd be into dirty talk, but from the way her cock twitched inside you at the mere words you whispered to her, she had to admit she learned something new about herself.

She felt short of breath, but you didn't rush her and she took a moment to reset before she felt composed enough to draw her hips back. She was slow and deliberate in the motion, admittedly not knowing exactly how much she could pull back so she pushed inside sooner rather than later.

She did this, slow and steady, a few times over, one hand of yours on her ass and the other now on her hip to guide her. The amount of concentration it took actually turned out to be a blessing because the edge that had seemed far too near a minute ago didn't feel so imminent now.

"Just like that," you said in her ear as she began to find her rhythm with less and less of your guidance.

She felt her confidence building just for it to be shaken as she drew back too far and felt herself pop out of you.

"Oh fuck," she said, feeling her face heat up in embarrassment right away. You massaged the back of her neck tenderly and reached down to grasp her cock which was now fully slick with your cum again.

"It's okay," you assured her as you lined her up at your entrance again.

Jessie quickly worked to dismiss her nerves; not wanting to get rattled by such a thing and just allowed herself to feel safe with you instead. She slowly pushed back inside of you, reassured by how you moaned softly in her ear as she filled you up once more.

Soon she re-established the earlier rhythm, this time knowing how far she could draw back before sinking back to the hilt inside of you.

"Is this okay?" She asked, voice shuddering ever so slightly with the movement of her thrusts. You nodded against her.

"It feels good," you told her and laid a hand on her ass again, pushing her hips a particular way. "Try rolling your hips like this." She didn't question it, just followed your lead and soon your head fell back against the pillow, mouth agape. "Oh fuck. Just like that."

She grinned, spurred on by your praise. It felt like bliss the way you began to cling to her and pant in her ear.

She was doing that. She was the one making you lose your breath, making you pant and moan, causing you to dig your fingers into her skin as your pleasure built. It was greater than anything she ever dreamed of and she wanted more.

She began to quicken the pace of her hips and by the way your moans heightened in pitch, you approved. She wrapped her arms under your back and held you close as she continued to rock on top of you.

"Shit, that's so good, Jess," you moaned as you clung onto her, nails digging into the back of her shoulders. She couldn't help but smile smugly though you couldn't see it.

"Yeah?"

The sounds of her thrusts in and out of you were wet and growing wetter. Her climax was close, but she was absolutely focused and determined to make you cum before her. She flexed her muscles pumping into you harder.

"Oh God," you said. "Fuck. I'm going to cum - don't stop, Jess."

Again, she followed your advice and remained as steady as she could, careful not to cum though knowing she was about to make you orgasm just about sent her over the edge.

Sweat beaded on her forehead and she bit her lower lip as she concentrated on staving off her climax. The way you whimpered in her ear and how your walls fluttered wet and hot all around her was driving her wild. She couldn't help the way the odd whimper or moan escaped her throat as well as she did her best to bring you to your high.

Finally, she felt you tighten around her in a way she hadn't experienced before. Her strokes stuttered as you began to convulse around her cock and she exploded inside of you for the second time tonight. She grunted, wincing at the overwhelming sensation as she emptied herself deep inside of you as you held her tightly.

"Oh shit," she breathed as she collapsed on top of you. Her body felt spent and exhausted in a way she'd never felt before. It was strange, but incredible.

"Oh my God," you panted beneath her as your grip on her grew slack and your limbs relaxed.

The room was filled with heavy breathing as you both came back to your senses and Jessie was the first to speak next. She lifted herself up onto her forearms to see you, though her softening cock remained inside of you.

"Was...that okay?" She asked, newly tentative, brows furrowing in worry. To her surprise, you laughed, kissing her shoulder in consolation.

"I'm sorry. Me moaning your name, whining and panting underneath you and cumming all over your cock isn't answer enough?"

Jessie blushed, ducking her head slightly. "Well I don't know," she muttered.

"It was way more than 'okay', Jess. You're a natural," you chuckled. Again, she blushed deeper.

"Well, I don't know to feel about that," she complained slightly. "I don't want to be a 'natural' - I just...I don't know. Want to make you feel good."

"You did. Absolutely. You fit perfectly with me. You listened. You knew exactly what I wanted and needed." You sighed contentedly, head falling into the pillow further. "Fuck. That was so good."

"You'd tell me if you didn't like something, right?" She asked.

You huffed lightly, but gave her an affectionate look nonetheless.

"I know there is a mess beneath us on these sheets. And it's mostly me. That you can't fake. I promise you."

The image in Jessie's mind made her cock pulse and she began to grow hard inside of you once more. She kissed you, pulling back with a crooked grin.

"Any interest in round three?"

[radiantrookie]

SEGA Mandates explained (Remake)

World Specific

Storytelling: The heroes must always win at the end

Mobius: The term Mobius and it's other terms, Mobians and Mobini are banned because they originate from 90s US Canon and Sonic Team wants to make it clear that Sonic games take place on Earth

Exception: Sonic Spinball being canonized via Origins, Ian Flynn and the Sonic Channel canonizes Planet Mobius and Mount Mobius, (unless they decide to change these)

Character Living Statuses:

Game characters cannot be killed off

Dead characters cannot come back to life

Character Families: Game characters cannot have family members unless they were established in the game canon

Exception: The Shadow Manga gave Shadow a brother, Gyoro/Bug-Eye

Male Characters: Male characters that aren't humans, can't wear pants

Exception: Tails Nine wears pants

Romance: Characters can have crushes but they can't date or get married

Money: Only Team Chaotix can talk about money, Sonic Team also considers treasure different from money

Rings: Ian Flynn has stated he has no idea if the Rings are canon or not, the Rings are most likely canon due to their multiple story appearances but they can't be used for story purposes

Humans: Due to complaints from critics and 90s US fans, humans besides Eggman weren't allowed to appear until Shadow Generations, which is why the Two Worlds retcon existed, stating there's a human planet and an animal person planet, however Tailstube has killed that Retcon and the current canon is that humans live on continents and animal people live on islands

Special Stages: In early canon, the Special Stages were wither distortions or subspace, they are no longer canon, thus Fang is no longer from them

Super Forms: Ian Flynn claimed that only Male Hedgehogs could go Super, however Morio Kishimoto would state that mandate never existed and had this to say:

"Whether one can become super or not, I think it depends on the necessity of the gameplay"

Super Forms of Tails, Knuckles, Mighty and Ray exist in Sonic Mania

Super Amy exists in Sonic Origins, (though non canon)

Super Knuckles is mentioned in Sonic Frontiers

Vector and Eggman have false Super Forms in Otherworld Comedy, Vectorman and Super Eggman/Light-Man

Hyper Sonic and the Super Emeralds:

According to Christian Whitehead, Hyper Sonic and the Super Emeralds are canon, but Sonic Team doesn't want them to come back

"I think you can say it happened. Visually the appearance of the Chaos Emeralds changed to a diamond shape in S3K and have remained so in subsequent games. But lore wise ST don't want to deal with multi-tier power level stuff so everything is just 'Super' now."

Sonic Frontiers doesn't break this rule because Sonic's form, Super Sonic 2 was a file name, the official name is Starfall Super Sonic

The Super Emeralds are also stated to currently be in another dimension

Sonic Chronicles: Sonic Team is allowed to acknowledge the game, they just can't make it canon because they don't wanna deal with Ken Penders, which is why it's still mentioned in the Encyclospeedia

Multiverse:

Sonic is not allowed to have alternate counterparts of himself, interestingly, the mandate has nothing to do with Scourge or Ken Penders

The Sol Dimension is no longer parallel to Sonic's Dimension, Blaze and Marine are also not alternate versions of Sonic and Tails

According to Nibroc Rock, universes where dead characters are alive are not allowed to exist, which is why Infinite couldn't be playable in Sonic Speed Simulator

"I asked Takashi Iizuka and he told me that we can not use infinite in this game because he already died in Sonic forces"

"you would also think that means we can just say "oh here's a universe where this character is still alive" but that's not allowed either"

Sonic Canon itself:

Confirmed Canon Status:

Majority of games

IDW Comics

Sonic Prime

Sonic Dream Team

Sonic Channel

TailsTube

Tie-in Meida

Weird Canon Status:

TMOSTH: Evan Stanley on Tumblr has stated the game is in headcanon status, the game if officially non canon but there's nothing contradicting it from being canon

"Also, The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog is not considered canon so it doesn't have a concrete place on the timeline. My personal headcanon is that a very similar event has happened sometime during the comic's run, thus why Tails can make his reference and why we keep seeing Barry/the Conductor/his wife cameos."

Sonic Speed Simulator: According to Nibroc Rock, the game is in temporary non canon status, the game is non canon until Takashi Iizuka can find a way to make it canon

"the workaround is just that our game is a hub for cross-universe, everything has to use ring portals to transfer in and out from other universes" "a bit flimsy"

"I mean, the story is always approved by SEGA and they have us re-wrirte things if there's a conflict with canon... so"

Sonic Speed Battle: In the same boat as Speed Simulator

the Sonic Forces mobile game gets away with it because they are all "phantom illusions"

Non Canon Status:

Crossover Media

Sonic Pocket Adventure

Sonic Chronicles

Most Mobile games

Sonic Lost World's Zelda and Yoshi's Island levels

Sonic Rumble

Most Arcade Games

Sonic Twitter Takeovers

Sonic and Friends

90s Cartoons

Sonic OVA

Comics that aren't IDW

Sonic X

Sonic Boom

Manga

Movies

Notes:

Eggman Nega's portal technology is the same one he uses in Winter Games DS

The Sonic Channel still brings up Cream being an assistant for the Olympics

LEGO versions of Sonic, Tails, Amy and Eggman along with Red and Chuck from the Angry Birds Movies appear in Speed Battle

Character Specific:

Classic Sonic: Classic Era characters aren't allowed to appear in Modern Era and vice versa, during the 2010s we had the Two Dimensions retcon that separated them, however TailsTube has since removed them, however this mandate might be removed soon due to the failure of Sonic Superstars along with:

Classic Froggy appearing in Channel Artwork

Classic characters being mentioned in TailsTube along with a Modern Trip being teased

Knuckles Chaotix being recanonized

Modern versions of Mighty, Ray and Metal Knuckles appearing in the Minecraft DLC

Sonic:

Sonic cannot cry or get too emotional, however Sonic Prime breaks this rule

Sonic originally had a house in South Island, later another one in Emerald Town, however it's been retconned that he's homeless

Metal Sonic:

Only one Metal Sonic is allowed to exist, (3.0 is a separate character)

Metal can only speak in this Neo Metal forms (He stills speaks in his base form in Sonic x Shadow Gens however this is only because they didn't bother changing the NPC dialogue)

Knuckles:

Knuckles is the last Echidna

Originally Knuckles had friends on Angel Island, we even see houses in Sonic Adventure's Ice Cap, however this was retconned as Knuckles is the only resident of Angel Island now besides Chao and Critters

Knuckles is not allowed to leave Angel Island without a reason now

Shadow: He has the most guidelines out of any character, this is because Takashi Iizuka co-created him, he also wrote Shadow 05, however some of these have been eased up a bit

Shadow's past isn't allowed to be mentioned

Shadow is an Anti-Hero and cannot be a Hero

"Vegeta really starts out as an enemy and then later becomes a friend and an ally and kind of, like, fights for justice and trying to save the world and whatnot. Shadow is not like that. I never want him to be like that. Shadow is doing his own thing, he's not friends with Sonic, and he's gonna go off and, you know, do whatever he feels is correct or right, or what he needs to do. And it's not like, 'Well, okay, we used to be enemies, but we're friends now. Let's save the world.' He's not that kind of character, and [I don't] want him to be that kind of character."

Shadow's job isn't a GUN Agent anymore, his only job should be protecting the planet

Shadow is allowed to work with Sonic, Team Dark, GUN and even Eggman but he isn't allowed to fully join them

Team Dark can be close but they can't be friends

If the relationship between Shadow and Rouge could be summed up in a few words… it would be “good business partners.” They have a reasonably long relationship, as they sometimes undertake missions at the same scene. However, they do not interfere with each other much and do not go beyond a certain level. At first glance, the relationship seems businesslike, but there appears to be a strong mutual trust that goes beyond mere colleagues, as they casually help each other out when they are in a pinch!

Silver: Silver's future is off limits, only Sonic Team can explore that if they choose to, however we do see it in IDW 31

Fang:

Name: His US name was Nack the Weasel, his JP name was Fang the Sniper, his current name is Fang the Hunter

Species: He was a Weasel in US and a Wolf Jerboa hybrid in JP, his current species is just Jerboa

Non Sonic Team Characters: Honey the Cat and the ghosts from Night of the Werehog have a hard time appearing in the series due to them not being owned by Sonic Team, however it's not impossible for them to appear

Gizoids: Emerl and by extension, Gemerl, are the only Gizoids allowed to exist

Exception: While non canon, the Minecraft Sonic Texture Pack turns the Zombie, Drowned and Husk Mobs into custom made Gizoids (Green for Zombie, Gold for Husk and Brown and torn ones for Drowned)

Infinite: The Encyclospeedia stated he got consumed by the Phantom Ruby, Takashi Iizuka would later state Infinite is dead and cannot come back, he returns in Otherworld Comedy and dies again

The elimination of otherworldification occurs in Infinite, and his body disappears with the light. The core in his hand slips through and falls into the glimmering lava… with a sizzling sound, it is lost to the world forever. Infinite was wide-eyed and stunned, but… “H-Heheh, haha…” He smiled wryly, lightly shaking his head, as if to say that it was for the best, and then vanished with the light. The world has been saved once again by a strange fate that no one had any way of knowing. The wind was merely blowing in the sky.

Off Limit Characters: Only Sonic Team can use these characters

Tiara Boobowski and Gazebo Boobowski (Though Gazebo appears in the 30th Anniversary Comic)

Eggman Nega

Black Doom

Solaris (Iblis and Mephiles)

Chronicles Characters

Infinite and the Jackal Squad

Alternate Media:

SEGA and Sonic Team like to keep US Media and Adaptions separate from Main Canon, thus characters and content from these are usually forbidden apart from some exceptions, mostly JP Media:

Shogakukan:

Charmy Bee

Miss Wing, Monica the Mouse and Anton Veruca were canonized in the 30th Anniversary Comic

Aosth Content:

Sonic liking Chili Dogs

Various Quotes

Mean Bean Machine in Sonic Mania

The concept of Eggman having two robot henchmen

The concept of Eggman having a super form

Scratch and Grounder cameo in an IDW Cover

Sonic Says segments

Sonic Satam:

Sonic being referred to as the Fastest Thing Alive

The "Let's do it, to it" line

The canonization of Spinball, though Ian Flynn states they're just cameos

Sonic OVA:

Tails being afraid of lightning

Knuckles's hat

Knuckles being a treasure hunter

Metal Sonic's personality

Archie Sonic:

The Eggnet

The term, Super Badnik

The Gun Commander being named Abraham Tower

Fang, Bean and Bark being part of a trio

Bark being mute

Ray having blue shoes

Shadow using Chaos Spear like an actual spear

E-106 Eta and E-107 Theta

Mimic the Octopus (Was intended for Archie)

The Metal Virus (Was intended for Archie)

Various homages in IDW, Restoration, Eggperial City, etc

Sonic X:

Gotta Go Fast

Shadow's Inhibitor Rings

Vector's crush on Vanilla

Cosmo's plant form appearing in artwork and TailsTube

The Eggman Chao

Cream's favorite show being the NEXT show

The Chaotix Office Building and the Croc Canteen

Dark Sonic mention

Sonic Boom:

Sticks the Badger exists in canon due to being co created by Sonic Team (Aoi Yuki, Stick's JP actress even still works for Sonic Team), however she only appears in Sonic Channel Artwork and a mention in the English Script of Frontiers

Eggman's Evil Cookies appear in the Sonic Cookbook

Sonic Movies: The Movies get the most synergy due being the main media being used to get new people into Sonic

Sonic having electricity powers now

Movie Characters in Speed Battle

Tom and Longclaw as skins in the Minecraft DLC

Movie Stage in Shadow Generations

[muletia]

𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐦𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐟𝐮𝐥 ₊˚⊹♡

obsessed!smokescreen x human!reader

summary: you and smokescreen are trying to watch a movie, but his irresistible and constant need for closeness stubbornly gets in the way. will you make it to the end? (spoiler: you won’t)

cw: fluff, suggestive, obsessive thoughts, unhealthy clinginess, possessiveness, very mild not nsfw dub-con, biting/marking, very light manipulation from smokey

word count: 1570

Your eyelids grow heavier and heavier. Consciousness drifts into another dimension, and your head slowly tilts forward further as you lose contact with reality and embrace sleep with open arms. But alas, sleep is not meant for you—not yet. Your boyfriend is keeping watch, ensuring you continue your fight to stay awake. And when he's near you, he seems unusually attuned to moments like these.

"Hey, hey, don't drift off on me now," he pleads, voice desperate, because this isn’t your first slip-up. "We just started the movie!"

"Ah, sorry," you mumble, rubbing your face to try and wake yourself up, which works. For now.

Your attention returns to the flickering TV screen in the garage, and for a moment, you really do feel alert. You're not proud of how easily you drift off, especially with company, but the day's events are catching up to you, pulling your eyelids downward. You’d promised him you’d finally finish this movie together— you’ve both tried to get through it multiple times, only to be interrupted every single time by something—or rather, someone.

That someone is none other than your personal heater sitting next to you, the primary disruptor of your small private movie nights.

And, as you catch him from the corner of your eye, it's clear he’s got a new idea for spicing up your passive movie-watching routine. His broad smile is utterly contagious, and you fight hard not to let your lips curl. It’s endearing, but you’re not falling for it—not yet. You know exactly where this evening will go if you give him your attention. After all, you’ve lived this scenario many times before.

"Optics on the screen," you chide softly. "We just started the movie, hypocrite."

"Oh, I am watching," he replies, with mock indignation.

"Not me!" you sigh. "We’re not restarting this movie for the tenth time. Look at the screen." You motion toward the brightest source of light in the room.

He knows he should listen. He’s the one who suggested the movie night in the first place. He also chose the film—one of your favorites—because he wanted to experience it with you, to watch your reactions, hear your thoughts, and discuss it afterward. All of it was just a way to interact with you, to be showered in your attention. To absorb it like the finest energon, savoring its addictive sweetness.

It’s not his fault that everything you do is infinitely more interesting than any fiction on the small screen. Sure, he likes human culture and finds it genuinely fascinating—but only because you’re at its center. You’re the one who reveals its secrets, who offers him glimpses of the daily life he so desperately wants to be a part of. Watching movies together lets him simulate that life. He knows he should use every chance to learn more about your world. The problem is, he can’t focus.

It’s not as if there are moments when he thinks of you more or less. No—he’s always thinking about you. Seven days a week, every hour of Earth’s solar cycle. During missions, patrols, recharge—even when he’s with you. It’s suffocating, overwhelming his processor, a constant need to express his untamed emotions, but with no outlet to relieve the ever-growing weight.

Having you by his side is wonderful—feeling your scent, your warmth; brushing shoulders and sharing a blanket. But, ever ambitious, he needs more. Thoughts of you provide only fleeting satisfaction, failing to meet even a fraction of his desire. They leave him helpless once again.

Smokescreen doesn’t want to be just an observer anymore, a witness to the action around him. Those days died with Cybertron.

He wants to feel, touch, and explore, even though he already knows every inch of your body—every mole, scar, and birthmark. Alien, but captivatingly beautiful. Unparalleled softness. Addictive. Meant to be worshipped and adored. It’s no surprise his servos fit your curves perfectly, as if you were made for each other—not just in spark, but in body too. No stimulant could compare to the euphoria of adoring you. No human cinematic masterpiece, no mission, no praise from Optimus Prime himself.

"You’re incorrigible," you sigh. "You just missed the most important part."

Suddenly, he realizes he’s spent the last several kliks staring only at you, fantasizing about physically expressing all the emotions roiling within him. His servos are trembling now, and he has to touch you—to prove how much you mean to him, how vital you are in his life.

Electricity courses through his frame—a signal of surpassing limits. He’s nearing a breaking point, teetering on the edge of abandoning the careful balance of your relationship. Can’t let that happen. He accepts destroying himself, allowing his yearning for you to dictate his sanity, but no scars could ever mar your soul. No matter how many he bears himself.

His trembling servos find the fabric of your shirt and gently tug at it. Enough to send a signal, not to frighten. If you pull away—he’ll shatter.

"Hey," he begins. You glance at him briefly, but your eyes quickly return to the screen. He tugs harder, practically pawing at your stomach now, desperate for attention. "Please, I don’t want to watch the movie anymore. We can finish it another time, can’t we?"

He knows he’s repeating himself, using the same lines he always does. It’s cheap and undignified, unworthy of someone whom even Optimus Prime considered passing the Matrix to. But his need has consumed him, taken over his frame and spark, which craves you so intensely that static buzzes in his audials. Every molecule of his being chants your name, begging for you.

He moves closer, exerting pressure. It’s a dangerous game, one that could easily irritate you. But he’s so desperate he has to play his cards on this gambit.

"I promise we’ll finish it next time, okay? [Name], please, I need you."

"We could also finish it tonight, hmm?" you offer.

"But I already missed the most important part."

"You’re smart—you’ll catch up on the plot." He sees your playful smile, teasing him with your intentions. But this time, he’s too overwhelmed to join in the game.

One servo continues tugging at the edge of your shirt while the other slides beneath it, cautious and precise—while he still has the control to be so.

You finally give in, unable to focus on the film any longer.

"Alright, I’ll hold you to that," you warn, finally turning your head toward him.

What greets you are wide, pleading optics, shimmering with need. Begging for you. Beautiful, but deceptive. Luring you into a trap. Or maybe you’ve already been ensnared? Enchanted into letting him do more—letting his servo wander further up, finding its way to your chest.

"Incorrigible," you murmur, tilting your head slightly to one side, exposing your neck—his canvas for the evening. "But at least I’m not sleepy anymore."

"Good," he purrs near your neck. Warm, processed air brushes against your sensitive skin. "I’m going to show you how much you mean to me. I’m afraid it’ll take a very long time."

Servos press tightly to your body, while dentas leave their mark, creating art from love bites—one of his favorite human inventions. Such a pity he couldn’t bear them himself—would flaunt them proudly if he could.

"I wish they lasted forever," he whispers, kissing the bruised skin, already intoxicated by your closeness, even though it’s only a fraction of what he craves.

"And I don’t," you admit. His response is a hurt whine, but Smokescreen quickly resumes his work, moving slightly higher. His marks always came out messy, more like bites than love bites, but he was so proud of them that you couldn’t bring yourself to criticize him. At least, not directly.

"One of my friends noticed them once. She thought I’d been mauled by a wild animal."

You feel him smile against your skin because it’s an accurate description of his love. Wild, untamed.

"Sorry," but it's also unimaginably tender. "But you like them, right? I’m good at this, aren’t I?"

"You’re unmatched, love."

Not sensing the sarcasm, he holds you tighter, as if he wants to merge you both into one being. Feels his trembling spark yearning for a bond, a union with yours. And while you can’t grant him that, the mere act of sharing the most intimate, vulnerable parts of himself is satisfactory. Not enough, because nothing ever will be. Just like the love bites, the most blissful interfacing, or kisses and cuddles. They work for a brief moment, a fraction of existence. They fill the void, which begins emptying the moment you part.

"I need more," he groans. "Please. I need you."

"I wish you were this eager about watching movies."

You reach for the remote because yet another movie attempt has ended in failure. Your boyfriend doesn’t appreciate your effort to put some distance between you, even for a few millimeters. His servos hold you firmly in place, and his dentas possessively catch your neck. Luckily, you don’t have to reach far.

"We’ll manage next time," he promises, though the absent tone of his voice makes it clear he’s lying. You know he won’t last. He’ll falter at the start, trying to make up for lost time by showering you with affection, though it’ll only be a fraction of what he wants to give.

"Hard to believe that."

"Mhm, love you too," he mutters, utterly enraptured by your closeness.

[princeofstarspost]

Can you write a Billy Kid x Reader where Billy accidentally catches a computer virus that causes him to simulate the symptoms of the common cold and Reader has to be his caretaker?

𓍊𓋼~Under the webther~𓋼𓍊

Type: Oneshot

Description: Hiiiii, you're my first request!! Welcome, sorry this took a few days, but I hope you like it!!

Rating: fluff

Reader: GN

Includes: Billy

Billy:

Billy groaned, rolling over in his bed and feeling like he was warm all over. Normally temperatures didn't bother him, but this virus had him feeling all kinds of funky...even his little robotic toes felt sore and they were pure metal like the rest of him!

To make matters even worse...he'd watched so much starlight knight that even he was starting to need a break from it, but Nicole and you had both told him to stay in bed and wait for the virus to be cleaned from his servers...

"Ugggggh, my head feels heavy...and I've been here for days....how long is this debug gonna take.."

"Someone sounds like they are getting stir crazy. Hope you don't mind, I let myself in." You walked in with a soft smile, a bag of things for him in your hand and a sweet caring aura following after you. It instantly made him perk up.

"You're here! Finally some company!! You wanna watch Straight knights together?! Or we could practice some self defense maneuvers, or- Ow!" He cupped his head in his hands, feeling another wave of numbers and random gibberish clogging up his functions.

"Woah you okay? Don't rush yourself, I plan on staying the rest of the day, so we can watch some of your show and I can check how far along the virus cleaning has gotten, though I don't think there will be time for any defense maneuvers until you feel better." You helped him lay down and put a cooling back on his forehead, holding his hand as you checked the computer for any news on the debug.

He really didn't like being stuck inside all day and it was even worse they he couldn't do anything but lay around and glitch, but...he was enjoying you being around. He couldn't deny it, he loved being babied by you, it made the whole situation bearable. "So how's it going doc? Am I gonna live? Should I start making my will?"

"Oh hush, you're almost clear of the virus. It should be all but gone by tomorrow."

"WOHOOO!! Oof ow!" He shut one of his eyes like he was wincing in pain, though in reality he hadn't actually felt anything this time..., he just wanted to get a little more attention before he was all better. Maybe even his favourite kind of medicine...

"What was that? Are you okay??"

"I don't know, I might not make it...without a kiss on the cheek from a beautiful human, who cares so much about their robot friend they'd do anything to make his head not hurt..." He threw his arm over his head dramatically acting like he was dying in a movie and he needed the hero to rescue him.

You rolled your eyes, chuckling at his hysterics...but what could it hurt. You indulged him and leaned in to place a kiss on his cheek, curing him just a little bit more.

My titles are genius

[i-prefer-the-fictional-world]

How does that video prove Blake was right? She claimed Justin dragged his nose across her face and said, “smells so good” which….is not what happened in the video? We don’t see an intimacy coordinator in the video because they aren’t going to be on camera, so honestly whether or not they were there will have to be confirmed in court. The video doesn’t disprove any other claims Blake made, of course, so dude could for sure still be a creep but this video is not serving as proof for Blake’s claims.

I am answering this assuming this is asked in good faith despite my doubts.

You can very very clearly see in the video that Baldoni did drag his nose across her face multiple times. One time around 7 minutes and 22 second mark in this video Baldoni said am I getting beard on you today (because you can clearly tell that Blake isn't comfortable and he probably felt it too, hence the comment. Maybe it's the beared and not me). Blake said I'm probably getting spray tan on you. To which he responded with it smells good. That is creepy. And even if you personally don't think so Blake has every right to feel that way.

Blake's claim was "(Baldoni) did not act in character as Ryle; instead he spoke to Lively out of character as himself. At one point, he dragged his lips from her ear and down her neck as he said "it smells so good." None of this was remotely in character, or based on any dialogue in the script, and nothing needed to be said because, again, there was no sound - Mr. Baldoni was caressing Mr. Lively with his mouth in a way that had nothing to do with the roles."

You may have noticed at the beginning of the video they show part of the script saying

"Lily and Ryal slow dance in the bar. Patrons around them drinking and watching sports. Completely in their own world."

Notice how this doesn't say anything about kissing or Baldoni doing that nose rubbing the face thing. Because that was improvised. The scene was about slow dancing everything else Baldoni was doing was not scripted.

Blake's claim is factual and the video confirms it. Just because it matches 95% of what Blake said instead of 100% doesn't mean Blake is lying. Just because his nose wasn't on her face when he said it doesn't mean Blake is making it up. Human memory isn't perfect. Honestly I was worried about this. That people are going to deem what happened to Blake as not serious enough. Baldoni did say it smelled so good, it was crossing the line and it did make Blake feel uncomfortable. Just because Blake said something about her tan doesn't make that line okay. Contrary to what Baldoni claimed in his complaint Blake did not say anything about the smell of her tan, Baldoni had no reason to bring up how she or her tan smell and given the context, given how he's behaving in this video it makes me feel uncomfortable watching it.

Also keep in mind Baldoni was the one who leaked it. He's not going to leak the most incriminating things now is he? He's going to leak the least incriminating things.

An intimacy coordinator (not the one working on the movie a different one) has actually talked about this footage. This is the link to the article but I'm also going to show some quotes from it here.

"In a scene like this, it’s really common that you wouldn’t bring on an intimacy coordinator because there’s no simulated sex or nudity, and there’s not even kissing written into the scene. We saw that from that script excerpt. An intimacy coordinator would have been very clear: We’re not doing any kissing. This is the kind of touch that is on the table. Nothing else is, we’re not going to bring anything into the scene that we haven’t discussed prior.”

"I can just see her trying to stay lighthearted and in good spirits about it and not upset him or anybody, and not waste anybody’s time. But of course, she is trapped between a rock and a hard place. I can see her appeasing him and trying to keep a smile on her face."

While talking about "it smells so good" comment "To say that out of character, it’s not inherently wrong or inappropriate, but when there has been mounting discomfort and mounting line crossings, I can see how that becomes yet another thing that was out of line."

Read the full article, it's pretty good. This is why I believe that no intimacy coordinator was present because if they were they would have intervened.

Also can we talk about Baldoni's complaint for a bit. Because it is so stupid and the video that he leaked himself doesn't even support it.

Baldoni said in his complaint that "Lively, consistently unable to take direction, insisted that she really liked the idea of characters constantly talking, because, as she described, she and her husband like to "keep talking and talking and talking." Baldoni, her director and the film's assistant director (who was directing the scene) disagreed. In an attempt to encourage her to take his direction Baldoni offered up that he and his wife often look into each other's eyes silently, to which she responded "Like sociopaths" and Laughed."

Not only is this just a straight up lie because Blake was silent for long stretches of time, not only was her suggestions of talking during this scene was better than whatever weird face rubbing thing Baldoni was trying to do, you can also very clearly see that she was pulling away from him and suggesting that they talked because she was uncomfortable with the face rubbing thing!!

Baldoni also just agreed with her multiple times throughout the video. You can also very clearly hear around 8 minutes and 28 second mark that Baldoni said I'm going to let you direct this scene or something along those lines. Which is conveniently not captioned. Baldoni claimed to have wanted a female gaze and female perspective but now he's framing his lead actress giving him suggestions for some scenes as 'taking over the movie'? He also said that Blake can come to him any time with suggestions but when she actually does she's somehow undermining his authority? Let's be real about what's happening here. Her suggestions were better than his and that hurts his ego so he's accusing her of hijacking the project for doing things that under any other circumstances she would have been praised for.

Also the sociopath thing is so misleading. Baldoni said that he and his wife literally stare at each other for five minutes and that Blake would find it terrifying. To which Blake says "I would be like, oh no I found a sociopath". Both of them were laughing throughout this interaction. The shit Baldoni mentioned in his stupid lawsuit is taken far far out of context to make Blake look like a mean girl at best and is just a straight up lie at worst.

Lastly I'm linking a video by the youtuber Ophie Dokie. She has been covering this topic since the beginning and she has been on Blake's side since the beginning of this "drama" despite not liking Blake as a person. She has made other videos on this topic, she has done livestreams doing research surrounding this situation and she's just a great youtuber in general who deserves far more views than she's getting especially compared to the pro B*ldoni drama channels so please please watch her videos. She has covered everything I've said here and more and she goes into much more depth about these things than I ever could.

And Yeah I know this is long but it can't be helped. Spreading misinformation is far easier than correcting it. If you show someone a video of a woman being sexually harassed and the other person goes "nuh uh didn't happen" there is very little you can do to convince that person. It's frustrating. If this ask is made in bad faith no amount of evidence and nothing I say is going to change your mind. But I still wanted to put this out there just because all the assholes saying "tHe vIdEo pRovEs bLakE wAs lyINg" makes me so angry.

[kathlare]

uninvited visit

Lando Norris x Amelie Dayman

Summary: Max Verstappen pays a surprise visit to Lando Norris during the winter break.

Wordcount: 2.2 k

Warnings: none

full masterlist // request over here!

December 17th, 2023 - Monte Carlo, Monaco

Max Verstappen had just finished a long day of training. With the winter break upon them and the car development on hold for a while, he figured it was the perfect time to visit Lando. He hadn’t seen him in weeks, and despite their rivalry on the track, they always found a way to hang out and catch up when they weren’t fighting for positions. Max had just arrived at Lando’s apartment building in Monaco, and as usual, the place was as pristine as ever—Lando had that Monaco-luxury vibe down to an art.

Max pressed the buzzer for Lando’s apartment, his finger hovering slightly over the button as he adjusted the bag of snacks he was carrying. His mind was already racing, thinking about the absurdity of their friendship considering how much they fought on the track. The silence in the hallway was odd, given how loud and competitive their lives usually were. He was used to loud noises and adrenaline, not this strange calm.

When the door finally clicked open, Max found himself face-to-face with Lando, who stood in the doorway looking slightly disheveled, but with a grin on his face.

—Mate, what are you doing here? I wasn’t expecting you.— Lando joked, letting Max into the apartment. Max grinned and shrugged.

—You know how it is. Figured I'd take advantage of the break. Besides, it’s been weeks since we hung out. I missed getting the shit kicked out of you in your racing simulator.— Max glanced around as he stepped inside, noticing the apartment was decorated unusually for Lando. It looked like someone had turned the place into a cozy little Christmas wonderland. There were Christmas lights strung across the living room, a massive tree in the corner, and even some stockings hanging on the mantle.

Lando cleared his throat when he saw Max eyeing the decorations.

—Yeah, I know, it’s a bit much. But... I don't know, thought I’d do something different this year, you know? Get in the holiday spirit or whatever.— Lando shrugged again, as if to downplay it, but Max couldn't miss the subtle fondness in his eyes as he looked at the Christmas tree. He had never pegged Lando for the sentimental type, but here he was—his apartment looking like something out of a Hallmark Christmas movie.

Max raised an eyebrow, glancing at Lando with a smirk. —Didn't think you were the type to go all-out with the Christmas decorations. Are you trying to impress someone?—

Lando’s cheeks flushed slightly, and he scratched the back of his head. —I mean, it’s... it’s not like that. Just felt like doing something different this year. Don’t judge, okay?—

Max chuckled, tossing his bag of snacks onto the couch as he made himself comfortable. —Oh, I’m not judging. Just didn't think I'd walk into your place and feel like I stepped into a Christmas commercial. What gives?—

Before Lando could respond, the faint sound of footsteps reached their ears from deeper inside the apartment. Max glanced toward the hallway, half-expecting someone to appear—Lando’s personal assistant, or maybe even a maid, but what he didn’t expect was the figure that appeared in the doorway leading to the bedroom.

Max froze for a split second when he saw who it was.

It was Amelie.

She stepped out of Lando's bedroom, still rubbing her eyes like she had just woken up, and—Max's heart nearly stopped. She was wearing nothing but one of Lando's oversized t-shirts, the hem falling just above her knees. The t-shirt, a soft shade of blue, looked like it was from Lando's collection, and it hung loosely on her frame, making it even more obvious that she had just rolled out of bed. Her hair was tousled, and she hadn't bothered to hide the surprise on her face when she saw Max standing there, looking at her with wide eyes.

—Fuck.— Her voice was hushed, barely a whisper, but Max could hear the shock, the disbelief in her tone as her eyes darted between him and Lando.

Max blinked, still processing what he was seeing. His eyes snapped back to Amelie, her expression now a mixture of confusion and guilt. He had always known there was something... between her and Lando—hell, he had caught them more times than he could count in the past. But this? This was different. This was... a new level.

Max’s mind was racing. So they were back together? He wasn’t sure what was happening, but the way Lando looked at her, the casual familiarity of her presence in his apartment, it clicked. Everything clicked.

He let out a deep sigh, running a hand through his hair.

—Great... here we go again.— Max muttered, glancing at Lando, then back at Amelie. He wasn’t sure whether to laugh or throw his hands up in frustration. This was the last thing he expected to stumble into today.

Amelie, still standing there in the doorway, clearly uncomfortable with the situation, crossed her arms over her chest. —Max, this... this isn’t what it looks like.—

Max raised an eyebrow, then looked at Lando, who was visibly trying to hold back a laugh, his lips quivering like he wanted to burst out in some form of apology or explanation, but didn’t know where to start.

—Really? Because it looks exactly like what it is. You two are back together, aren't you?— Max said, his voice laced with the frustration he’d been holding in for months. After all, the last time this happened, in 2021, he'd been in the middle of helping Lando and Amelie sneak around the paddock—something that nearly drove him mad.

Lando scratched his neck nervously, shifting his gaze between Max and Amelie, but didn’t say a word. Amelie exhaled loudly, stepping forward into the room, her bare feet padding softly on the floor.

—Alright, look, Max, I can explain.— Lando began, but Max cut him off, holding up a hand to stop him.

—No need for an explanation, mate. I get it. I’m not an idiot. You two are back together, but why the hell do I always have to be the one keeping your secrets?— Max let out an exasperated breath, running a hand through his hair. —I mean, come on, Checo is going to flip when he finds out. You’ve already put me in that position once, remember? And now this? Really?—

He pointed to Amelie and Lando, still trying to process the scene. He could see the familiar tension between them, the way they moved around each other with ease, as if they had never been apart. It was clear to him now—there was no hiding it.

Lando, unable to meet Max’s gaze for a moment, finally cleared his throat, looking from Amelie to Max as if weighing his next words. He threw his hands up in defeat, then let out a quiet laugh, shaking his head.

—Look, mate, I know this isn’t ideal. But I promise, it’s not like the last time. We’re serious about this, alright? There’s no games, no messing around. We just need a bit of time before we tell everyone else. It’s... well, it's complicated, okay?— Lando explained, his tone unusually serious for someone who usually deflected with jokes.

Max glanced at Amelie, still trying to come to terms with the situation. Her eyes softened at Lando's words, but Max noticed the way she shifted uncomfortably, clearly feeling the weight of the moment. She sighed, running a hand through her messy hair, before locking eyes with Max.

—I know you probably think we're idiots for doing this, but...— Amelie started, her voice soft but laced with that familiar spark of defiance. She was always good at hiding her feelings behind a layer of wit and sarcasm, but Max could tell she was trying to be sincere. —But we're doing it this way because we need to figure it out before everything gets messy. It’s not just about us, Max. It's... complicated. But you know that, right?—

Max looked between them, the weight of her words settling in his chest. He had always known Lando and Amelie had a unique bond, one that had started long before any of them had gotten into serious relationships. But seeing them together now, after everything that had happened—after the break-up in 2021, after the awkward distance that followed—there was something different in the air. It wasn’t just the playful flirtation they shared. It was something more real this time.

Max couldn't help the small sigh that escaped him. —I get it. But don’t expect me to keep covering for you guys forever. I’ve already done it once before, and I’m not sure how much more of this secret-keeping I can handle. Checo is going to have my head when he finds out. Not to mention, this is the second time I’ve had to walk in on you two being... well, you two. You know what I mean?— Max chuckled, shaking his head.

Lando let out a light laugh, running a hand over his face. —Yeah, well, I get it. We’re not asking you to do it forever, Max. Just... until we’re ready to tell the others, okay? It’s not ideal, but we’ve been through enough crap in the past to know we need to take it slow. We just need some time.— Lando’s voice had softened, but there was still a trace of the playful banter they always had between them.

Amelie, still standing across the room, crossed her arms, glancing at Lando before looking back at Max. —You’re not mad at me, right? I mean... you always think we’re crazy. And, okay, maybe we are, but... we’re not trying to make things difficult for you. But you’ve got to understand that we’ve got to do this at our own pace, alright?—

Max looked at her, his expression softening. He couldn't stay angry at them for long. Despite all the chaos, they were his friends, and he knew they'd eventually figure it out. They always did, in their own twisted way.

—Fine, fine, I get it. But I swear to god, if Checo finds out from anyone other than you two, I’m going to lose it.— Max threw his hands up, walking over to the couch where his bag of snacks sat. He threw a few chips into his mouth, the salty taste grounding him as he tried to process everything.

Max glanced at Lando and Amelie as he sat back, still processing the situation. Despite his frustration, he couldn’t help but feel a sense of relief. It wasn’t like they hadn’t been through this before, but something was different now. There was a level of seriousness in their eyes, something that had been lacking when they’d been sneaking around in 2020. Maybe they’d figured things out this time.

He took a deep breath and tossed a chip into the air, catching it in his mouth as he looked at them, trying to hold back his grin.

—Alright, alright, you win. I’ll cover for you guys, but I swear, if Checo even sniffs the hint of this...— Max said, shaking his head as he looked between them, eyes narrowing playfully.

Amelie let out a sigh of relief and offered him a small, sheepish smile. —Thanks, Max. You’re a real life-saver.— She stepped closer, her bare feet softly padding against the polished floor, and before Max could register it, she playfully shoved him. —But seriously, next time, maybe knock first, yeah? Who the hell shows up uninvited to someone's place?—

Max laughed, raising his hands in mock surrender. —Hey, I didn’t know I’d be walking in on that. Should’ve sent a warning, I guess. My bad. You two are lucky I didn’t throw the snacks at you, that would've been a disaster.—

As Max leaned back on the couch, shaking his head at the absurdity of the situation, he heard movement behind him. He glanced back just in time to see Lando step closer to Amelie, his usual mischievous grin softening as his gaze met hers.

Lando placed a hand gently on Amelie’s waist, pulling her closer. —You’re lucky Max is in a good mood today, Ames.— His voice was teasing, but there was a tenderness in it that didn’t go unnoticed by Max.

Amelie tilted her head, her lips curling into a small, knowing smirk. —Oh, I know. We’re very lucky to have Saint Max here to save us yet again.— She glanced at Max with a playful gleam in her eye before turning her full attention back to Lando.

Max groaned dramatically, throwing a hand over his face as Lando leaned down to press a soft kiss to Amelie’s lips. —Oh, for fuck’s sake, do you have to do that right in front of me? I just agreed to cover for you two, and this is how you repay me?—

Lando broke the kiss, laughing as he leaned his forehead against Amelie’s. —What, jealous? Want a kiss too, Max?—

Amelie let out a soft laugh, resting her hands on Lando’s chest. —I think he might actually run for the door if you try that, Lan.—

Max threw a pillow at Lando, who ducked just in time. —You two are disgusting, honestly. I don’t know how I put up with this in 2020, and now it’s even worse. You’re all... serious and shit. It’s unbearable.—

Amelie grinned, her cheeks slightly pink as she leaned into Lando’s side. —Aww, come on, Maxie. Don’t pretend you’re not happy for us.—

Max rolled his eyes but couldn’t hide the small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. —Yeah, yeah, I’m happy for you. But if you two start making out again, I’m walking out that door, no questions asked.—

Amelie laughed, giving Lando a quick peck on the cheek before stepping away. —Fine, fine. We’ll behave... for now.—

—You’re both impossible,— Max groaned, tossing another pillow at Lando, who once again dodged it. —Now stop talking and put on some damn video games. If I’m going to deal with this nonsense, I might as well have some fun while I’m here.—

Lando grinned, grabbing a controller and firing up the console. Amelie grabbed a blanket and curled up on the couch beside Max, who gave her a side-eye but didn’t protest.

As the familiar sound of the game’s opening screen filled the room, Max found himself oddly content. Sure, this wasn’t how he thought his day would go, but there was something comforting about being with them like this. Even if they drove him crazy, it was good to know that some things never really changed.

Lando handed Max a controller and smirked. —Alright, Verstappen, let’s see if you’ve still got it. Don’t think I’ve forgotten the last time I kicked your ass at this game.—

Max rolled his eyes, gripping the controller tightly. —Keep dreaming, Norris. This time, you’re going down.—

Amelie laughed, settling deeper into the couch as she watched the two of them bicker. —This is going to be fun.—

And for the first time in weeks, Max felt like maybe, just maybe, things were exactly where they were supposed to be. Even if he was stuck in the middle of Lando and Amelie’s chaos yet again, at least it felt like home.

[thefirstknife]

Bro.....

You know, when they said they'll bring back "one of the most storied locations very briefly" I did think of Saint's grave. Speculated about this with the besties quite a bit as well, that we might go back there for some reason. And now. Yeah.

But my question when I was cooking about this and my question now that Ikora said this remains the same: how? How is that accessible? The grave is in the Infinite Forest. Infinite Forest is on Mercury. Mercury is still in a Darkness anomaly. And the Forest was sealed from the inside. That shit is behind seven proxies.

Obviously we've seen the Infinite Forest gate in the trailer, on Nessus, so I'm assuming the door can be opened from Nessus... somehow? Osiris can probably do it with his cubes or something, but the details of how this will be done and how it will be handled are eating me alive. I'm losing it, but for real this time. I don't have words to describe how much I am compelled.

Anyway, radio message!

Saint-14: Since you found me, I have only doubted who I was once... When Misraaks recounted how his people - their children - feared me... it shook me. Osiris says, that I am Saint-14, my hands raised the wall, I walked with the Pilgrim Guard. How can I be a shadow of the Saint who truly walked this City, when I remember the smells of the streets, and the faces that smile? I met you on Mercury, as I speak to you now. We fought together. I shattered the Vex for centuries, but I lived, where he died. Because we showed the Vex that our fate could not be calculated. Even in simulation, we surprised them, you and I. That, is true. The Conductor claims, I am a man out of time, an approximation of reality. Huh, was I not this already? Hard metal, and brittle memory. Spark, and code, fourteen times over. Only my heart carried through. I know what it means to find myself again. But... The Conductor claims, had Osiris not created the Sundial, had I remained forgotten, Sagira would live still. How could these things be connected? If it is true... I will not take my love from him as well. For it is strong, and he will need it. You would not be afraid. You would know what to do... I am... still trying. But I will find myself again.

He's doing better!!! He's figuring it out!!! I'm assuming now that the main point of conflict for him is the Saint that died. It was never quite clear what happened when we saved Saint; did the timeline diverge at that point or was it always two different timelines? Would the body still be there in the grave if we went there after we saved him? Is there any divergence at all and does it matter?

Because again, the Saint we saved is the same Saint that he's been for most of his life. He clearly remembers meeting us on Mercury which was for him the Dark Age. Before Six Fronts. His story and his legend essentially starts only after meeting us. The Saint that we know exists as he does because we saved his life on Mercury in the Dark Age and gave him the shotgun and he has been trying to live up to this potential ever since. He even quotes it: "I am still trying." He said that in the letter on Perfect Paradox and also when we opened the Forest for him after he was freed. And as I also noted, on week 1, we got a message between Saint and Osiris where they're recalling the exact same memory.

But as I said before, if he has access to any other timeline Saints, there might be differences that the Conductor used to mess with him. I suppose one of those is the Saint that died. And since the shotgun is a paradox, I can't really track it's origin point anywhere. Saint that died had remains of the gun which means that the Saint that died also met us, presumably. But if he'd met us, then he wouldn't have died. Or that's the timeline in which Osiris doesn't make the Sundial and we pick up the shotgun and then with the Sundial we can find the right Saint at the right time and give it to him and then stop him from dying. My brain is dissolving.

Anyway. So. Saint's grave huh. They're killing me with this. I need to think about it for 5 hours or maybe 5 thousand years.

And also the lore page. I assume it's talking about how the Vex Network with its various "denizens" reacted to the Echo.

A fractal cluster of nested realities unfurled like a frond. Two-hundred-and-twenty-odd instances of consciousness reaching in unison. A controlled frenzy of cooperation as the minds within piled Ishtar-branded office furniture to the skies, then lifted one another up to be closer, ones and zeroes stacked perilously, finding swaying purchase with their sensible flats on each other's thin shoulders.

Ishtar scientists!

An irascible trace of a signal sneered at the sincerity of the call but still willed itself to move, reaching up two thin spindles of data in a way that felt somehow familiar.

Asher :) :( T_T

The Great Quiet Thing, the Not-Worm, kept its eyes closed and ignored the call. It was still too soon, it decided. It shivered, the motion forming cascading bubbles of new hypothetical simulations in which it did not shiver. These contradictions soured and burst, scattering nutrients into the network.

What the fuck.

A man in tattered robes, feathers long since worn from his headdress, streaked through the shifting plasmic haze on golden wings, urged on by the tiny starburst at his side. His eyes were furious flame.

Osiris :) And Sagira. :) They're still in the network. Okay! I will just explode.

And of course:

"We need to warn them—" "There's still a chance—" "SAINT—" "Hold on to me—" "I AM OWED THIS—" "Hurry, get Shim—" "There isn't enough of me left—" "TELL ELSIE PRAEDYTH STILL—" "Please, please wait—" "Warn them—" "I have to warn them—"

Welp. We wanted Praedyth to be mentioned. Here he is. I guess I will jump off the cliff now.

Anyway, many thoughts. Genuinely what the fuck is the "Great Quiet Thing" in the Vex Network??? Where is this going. I have so much to think about, brb.

[sonicjustbecause]

Headcanon time: Shadow's limits...

I didn't bother much actually.

Until yesterday I saw this:

And this (that is too much also for him, honestly. In term of self destructive behaviour, I mean)...

I'm surprised that in 24 years, nobody explored this territory with Shadow. We see fanart of all sonic characters swimming, diving etc... Even Sonic who is occasionally given the ability to swim to suit the needs of fans. For Shadow is unusual seeing him underwater.

Some fans think he just doesn't need to breathe, eat or sleep and that's boring I think. In official material, though rarely, it is shown that he needs at least to breath and sleep (eating too I guess, the way Rouge in Shadow generations tries to convince him to join Sonic's party with the 'free food' thing).

"There is free food."

He is shown to need to sleep in Sonic X, Sonic Movie and Shadow Dark Beginnings. I think is especially clear in Shadow Dark Beginning. Shadow is falling asleep while driving toward the ARK and he already starts to dream (when you're sleepy it may occur you fall asleep while looking awake from the outside). It is shown he lives a stressful life and a life he clearly doesn't want. Shadow would choose to live a peaceful 'NPC' life, far away possibly in the colder regions of Earth (Holoska in Sonic Fandom, naming actual place he would choose Canada, Alaska, Norway, Finland, Greenland, Iceland and north Siberia but also Antarctica). But he is forced to fight, is duty!

100% goth

Shadow is also shown to experience physical pain and damages. It also should be noted that this varies, depending on who writes him.

Shadow was shown he needs to breath in SA2 first. If you mod the game and go in underwater places, like Acquatic Mine, soon the countdown starts and you have to seek the bubbles. But somebody even managed to drown Shadow in the Chao garden (there is a video on YT that I can't find at the moment).

Characters that aren't supposed to enter in water levels still have the drowning animation. It is also shown in Sonic Speed Simulator and at least twice in Archie comics.

In SSS ther are also characters that don't need to breath, like the robots. Clearly Shadow is not one of them.

How long Shadow can stay underwater? We'll, since this topic has never been touched, who knows? We only got stated that Shadow, unlike Sonic, can swim. In Sonic Prime is shown he might be able to stay underwater longer than Sonic. But how long? We don't know. In Archie's he was brought to his limits but without a proper feel of a passing time.

About the Fandom, they explore this territory very little. A lot of them think Shadow just don't need to breath. In their fictions they put him in poisonous places or underwater and nothing happens. It is often described he does breath because how he is designed to do so naturally but doesn't need to. Other fan think he just might get a little headache, but no other ill effect. Few others (including me) think he will suffer, loses conscience and appears dead until somebody doesn't rescue him. The longer he will be 'dead', he will need more time to recover, even days or weeks.

Anyway, I think he can stay underwater for a decent amount of time before losing consciousness. Because we are talking about Shadow, I would think something between 7 and 8 minutes max, comfortably 5 or 6 minutes. More than this would appears very exaggerated and not believable.

In some fan games featuring Sonic and Shadow, Shadow can stay underwater at least twice of Sonic Time

References from canon material:

There are four main recognizable incarnations of Shadow:

Maekawa's (Original) Shadow

Iizuka's (Emo) Shadow

Flynn's (Archie) Shadow

Fowler's (Movie) Shadow.

Now, for this analysis they can combined in pairs, due to characteristics they have in common.

Maekawa/Flynn

One noticeable thing in those incarnations is Shadow's willpower. When needed he push to his limits if not beyond. This is the Shadow that fought the byolizard until he passed out and the one that forced himself to not cry while he was both emotionally and physically exhausted.

I can easily see this Shadow remaining underwater the longest, to his very limits if needed. I don't think Shadow would do this just to prove anything, he doesn't seem this kind of guy. Just, if he has to do something underwater, he tries to finish the job if it doesn't take too much time or if is very important before doing anything else (aside saving people 😉). However I think he would not be so stupid to let himself drown.

Iizuka/Fowler

Well, this one can wink more to the part of Fandom that thinks Shadow doesn't need to breath.

Iizuka often describes Shadow as somebody with no weak spots. Hearing him, at worst Shadow can feel minor annoyance, but he got never crippling flaws

As for Fowler, the scenes that might suggest Shadow doesn't need to breath are several.

When he escapes from prison island he doesn't cough up the liquid he was submerged in for 50 years.

In his past he was contained in a liquid tank, however it can be easily one of those special breathable sci-fi liquids.

When he is put in stasis he is clearly afraid, but we don't see him trying to swim to escape the liquid or to keep his head above as much as possible. But is also possible that the scene has been toned down.

[lordgeneralsix]

six's incomprehensible review of kcd2's writing

(I'll be honest this isn't as much of a proper review as i wish i could write, maybe one day i'll rewrite this with a newfound professionalism but for now i just wanted to make one big post on why I personally think the writing is so good in general as someone who appreciates the craft and studies it... everything under the cut for kcd1&2 spoilers. 4.1k words and divided for easier reading. thanks in advance for your time)

brief lore

so i've been playing kcd2 pretty much every day since it dropped, did my first playthrough in under 5 days with little sleep and let me tell you. I have been completely cured of everything that was causing me grief for the entirety of january which involved my own personal art/writing, and honestly this game dropped at a perfect time to rip me out of my self-induced misery.

despite my love for fantasy and historical settings, I didn't expect much when I first played kcd1. I thought it was just a medieval times war simulator for repressed men, but I had to give it a try. obviously, I'm glad I was wrong, and I actually realized this around the time you go back to skalitz for henry's parents and after I played theresa's dlc. I realized there might actually be care put into the writing, into the reality of war instead of glorifying it with another peasant-turned-knight story. kcd1 did an incredible job of immersing you into the role of henry, an average peasant, son of a blacksmith. he's not some secretly skilled dragonborn waiting to be awakened to save the world, he's just a boy who was thrown into the fray years before he was ready... kcd1 was good. i really enjoyed playing it and experiencing such a unique game. it was an impressive ambition especially with the limited budget they had. maybe it could stand to be condensed, but as an act 1 it's incredibly engaging at the beginning and end, creating a strong foundation and lot of anticipation for kcd2.

authenticity is king

what makes a good story? a question that can be debated until the end of time. its complicated. its simple. its completely subjective. but as corny as it sounds, the truth i believe is a good story has soul in it. it's something i will believe until i die. a good story has something to say, something that needs to be said no matter how silly or serious it is. and even if the result is ugly, bad art with soul will never truly be bad. and i'm not here to preach anything or glaze companies like warhorse and even larian, because no one is safe from criticism (i have especially torn into larian myself over certain issues), but this universal praise we see isn't undeserved, and we should celebrate the fuck out of good games when we get them.

kcd2, i believe, has easily become one of the greatest games of all time. and it's simply because, at its core, the writing of kcd is human. this is unfortunately something very easily forgotten when swept up in numbers and trends. but kcd is not trying to be something it isn't. the writers had a very clear vision of the story they wanted to tell from the start and made absolutely 0 sacrifices for trends and culture wars.

the writing is mature, it respects your intelligence and doesn't have to spell everything out. serious moments actually feel tense, the humour is woven in well without being out of place, and something i consider a true miracle is that they don't force quippy lines out of every character. the dialogue is believable enough where it's not too incomprehensibly archaic or too jarringly modern. the characters are not all that self aware and don't pull therapy speak out of their asses. every single character has depth from the major characters to even the minor npcs. the world is so full of personality and charm that i didn't mind sitting around with npcs to just listen to them talk about their mundane lives or observe their daily routines. i even found myself caring about the most insignificant npcs. like i failed the fight dirty quest bc i banished hired hand stanley to hell for bullying my boy tobias 'darling' and his dog. such a minor npc but i felt like i had to do something to help even if the game didn't acknowledge it. and to me, if a game makes you feel something and follows you well after it's over, it's doing something right.

at the time of writing this i'm on my 3rd playthrough. 200+ hours and i'm still discovering new npcs, dialogue, quests, locations, and outcomes. 2.2 million words sounds like too much, it makes you wonder if its justified, but i can confidently say it is. warhorse made no sacrifices to be like other games. their vision remained strong from beginning to end, and now if they so choose to, kcd3 has a very strong foundation and limitless potential for henry's story to branch off into. and if not, i have no doubt whatever warhorse writes next, whether it's about henry, medieval bohemia, or another historical setting completely, will be a masterpiece.

wait... you're just like me?

every single character in kcd has flaws and some fuck up immensely, which many people might be annoyed w but it's something I love and find lacking in a lot of stories. you can't pin a single character down as "good" or "evil" and they put an emphasis on this when confronting istvan, erik, markvart, drinking w the cumans, staying in trosky, exposing semine, spying on the praguers, and through a bunch of minor npc conflicts... all of these situations are not clear-cut and every single character involved have reasons for fighting, and you fear the prospect that they're right.

what do you do when the enemy looks and feels like you do? how do you judge someone in any way that matters without condemning yourself too? the game asks questions and does not give you an answer. at least not one that will satisfy everyone. such is life. and that's what i love about this game. i love when writers aren't afraid to make their characters so viscerally human. I love how no one is immune to their desires, to all the fuck ups and deception. everyone is bound to fuck up no matter how careful they are. fuck ups that seem so easily avoided if they did one thing differently or were more cautious of who they worked with. you'd think even the most cunning and experienced could avoid it but even they mess up, and kcd doesn't try to show off or give anyone immunity in manipulation and morality. it's as markvart said, "under all the armour and finery you will only ever find a man" (and my god, what a scene. I believe the entire conversation w markvart is the heart of the story. but my words won't do it justice, please go watch it it's incredibly written and acted).

so... why did i care about some npc with 3 lines enough to fail a quest and risk getting arrested for him? well, because his story hit home. it's a rarity that writers care enough about the little people to show the beauty of the mundane and the humanity of even the most revered. kcd breaks the illusion that people in the past were so different from us today and tells us point blank that we are here today because the fight for life and love is endless.

things worth living for

kcd puts you into the body of a boy who had everything taken from him, and from the moment he regains consciousness he's ready to throw himself back at the enemy to avenge his parents. it's a pretty hopeless thing to do. what can one blind man do against an army? what can one weary woman do in the ruins of her home but try to save at least one more soul, even at the cost of her own? kcd shows the gruesome and hopeless reality of war... but it also does a good job of showing the importance of people.

henry has few people left in his life, but two haunt the corners of his mind; his parents, we know this very well. they are the driving force of why he fights and they remain important instead of being used as fuel for his story. it may seem insignificant, but i really appreciate that they didn't pull a "radzig didn't want henry or care about henry's mother and lied to martin the whole time" and "martin abandoned sara and samuel for another family", i feel it would've been too much for henry to have more guilt and anger over his parents and then a tense relationship w radzig/samuel on top. what would be the point in learning about his real father and step brother, only to end up resenting them? there's a lot of dark shit going on and it's good to have some genuine familial relationships once in a while.

there's no malicious reason why martin and radzig couldn't raise their biological sons, and if they could, they would have, but they tried to do the best they could for henry given the circumstances, and you wouldn't even doubt for a second that martin would've loved sam if things were different. it's bittersweet and feels real. there's no need for a big plot twist of "martin was a bad man actually" after everyone spoke so fondly of him. and i appreciate that warhorse doesn't pull plot twists out of nowhere. it's good that henry has hans, sam, radzig, and godwin to rely on and untainted memories of his parents. it's good that despite everything, henry is able to hold onto the blue skies overhead, green grass underfoot, beautiful girls, good wine, a few good friends, and a fine steed under his backside.

... speaking of godwin, i want to briefly mention just how good of a secondary pov character he was. when i first played i was a little confused as to why him, mostly bc i didn't drink w him in the first game so i didn't know shit about him. but godwin makes a very compelling and fun secondary pov character as a noble war veteran turned priest that has absolutely no involvement in henry's life aside from drinking with him once but is now compelled to look out for him simply because he likes him (and bc it was asked of him but he does care shh). and it's not like his purpose was to babysit henry the whole time, he's given his own personal obstacles when he has to face his father in raborsch, who berates him in front of everyone with no shame, to the italian job where his father finally acknowledges that he was wrong about godwin. kcd2 gives this hedonistic priest a whole new layer of depth one couldn't have deduced based off his behaviour from the first game. it's truly incredible to see how a little care can go really far for even the most seemingly unimportant npcs like godwin or even liechtenstein. all in all, i really enjoyed playing as godwin and he was the perfect choice for a secondary pov character.

i could go on forever about the supporting characters, but i need to move onto the elephant in the room now: henry and hans.

those guys

henry and hans are so fascinating to me. it's been a good while since i've seen such deep and complex characters where even their failures are exciting to witness because you just know this will only strengthen them as people. the reason why, for me at least, it means a lot that warhorse wrote such a beautiful relationship between two men is bc they're written as people first. henry and hans are two characters that Can stand on their own but become stronger together. two young men who come from completely different worlds find comfort in each other's presence despite the laws of man and god saying it can't be so.

you can see something shift between them as early as the hunting trip. a trip that was a punishment for both turned out to be what they needed. to put aside their statuses and find common ground. hans asks about henry and skalitz, and empathizes with henry over the loss of his parents and reveals he never knew his own. you see something strange from the asshole who keeps humiliating and provoking you. you start to understand that all he really needed was for someone to understand him. not a mentor or guardian. not his subjects who drink and bathe with him on a whim. a friend. someone who sees him as a person worthy of his noble title and not a child or a drunk whore.

this newfound bond grows as you get up to typical teenage boy behaviour and in the span of a few weeks the haughty nobleman henry met just yesterday becomes a closer friend than his childhood friends fritz or matthew ever cared to be. but it doesn't end there. hans doesn't remain a pretty face and let everyone fight battles for him, and when it's time to take back talmberg his true character shows when he puts himself between the enemy to save tobias feyfar (when the trebuchet is attacked) or henry (if he gets knocked out during night raid). hans is willing to risk himself because he believes in justice as much as henry even though he came from a more privileged background. both of them were already incredibly noble men in the making and kcd2 tests how far they're willing to go for a place in the world.

it doesn't matter how you play him; henry remains the same sweet boy from skalitz underneath it all. the blacksmith's boy who comes home crying to ma with scrapes and bruises and big dreams, the lover and loyal friend, and the survivor who vowed to never run from a fight lest more innocents be slaughtered for his cowardice. he never forgot skalitz and he never stopped blaming himself. even if he has to push, even when he becomes just as bad as runt or istvan or the dry devil, it weighs on him. you can control his actions and his words, but you can't control how he feels at his core. even after all three of his goals have been achieved by the end of kcd2 (avenge his parents, get his sword back, and protect hans), he is still deeply hurt and laments getting lost in his path of vengeance. this guilt follows him into his dreams, justifying his actions becomes an uphill battle, and in the final conversation with his "parents" he can choose to repent and acknowledge that he has lost himself or double down and say he was always right. then he can choose to keep fighting, or finally present martin's sword to radzig and settle into the life he should've had back in skalitz...

there's no black or white answer, as the game often tells you, only action and consequence. and something I've noticed are the people who are a bit annoyed at how your choices throughout the game don't matter in the end since you can choose to say sorry and "everything is okay", but I don't see it that way really. it's not okay, why would it be? but everyone deserves a chance to repent, whether you personally believe it or not, and henry is arguably better than most for acknowledging his guilt and promising to do better. life doesn't end at the first sin. you could always become just as bad as the enemy or you could choose to be kind, merciful, and treat people with dignity.

as for hans. well... kcd2 happens because of him, because he desperately wanted to prove himself to hanush and his people that he was a capable ruler and warrior. he wasn't expecting it to be difficult, his confidence in the plan is the sole reason why it went so wrong. it was his fault they were ambushed despite henry's concern and he knows it. then he blows up at henry and runs off to fix it himself, which he would've succeeded in if von bergow hadn't played them. his comfortable view of the world was shattered and he couldn't accept it at first, but facing death multiple times and seeing henry risk it all for little reward built him back up as a braver and more responsible man to the point where he is unrecognizable from how he started in the first game. hans is reliable, brave, and capable of handling a lot more than people give him credit for. not a lot of noblemen would risk themselves so willingly, let alone for a peasant, and henry is actually lucky hans tolerated him and threw hands as equals instead of just sending him to jail and ending his journey quite early (henry is lucky a lot of noblemen put up w him lbr he does himself no favours lmao).

i find hans to be interesting because he isn't really a typical nobleman, he puts the pleasures of life first before politics and sees his people as people and war as a losing battle (see the conversation he has w brabant after freeing them from maleshov). but he still acknowledges that the day will come when he has to take his role seriously even if the looming threat to his freedom strikes fear into his soul (see raborsch when the arranged wedding is announced). in the prologue of kcd2 he leads the company and doesn't joke much or even indulge in the conversation of women, the shadow of tomorrow's meeting with von bergow grows closer and there's a lot of pressure to not mess it up. hans is a lot of things, but incompetent is not one of them. he doesn't cry when they have to get their hands dirty and remains relatively calm when dealing with other nobleman. he knows what's at stake and doesn't allow henry to take the brunt of their struggles. even when henry is hallucinating, shouting, and is essentially dead weight, hans doesn't hesitate to carry him and assure him that he's okay.

i haven't even begun to cover the depth of the story and the characters, but as much as i wish i could I'm not qualified enough for a deep analysis and I'd rather go to my final thoughts, which is of course the romance between henry and hans (and warhorse's treatment of mlm characters).

gay... people?

from my previous point, these are two characters that stand on their own, but together they stand taller. even without any romance the game and story are incredible. henry and hans' friendship is not optional, it is a core part of their characters and why they fight. it's not distracting or out of nowhere bc their sexualities are not their entire personalities. but here's the thing, the friendship created a strong foundation for a potential romance, but if written carelessly and completely out of character, this romance would not have worked and the writer's hand would show. taking into account the setting, the characters, and the plot is the only way to craft a believable and good romance. and I know some people are disappointed because they expected more romance or dates or some grand display of love, but these characters aren't like that, at least not how we perceive romance in our modern day. they love each other, there's no denying that, and they didn't even have to say those exact words for it to be true. love can be shown and said in a multitude of different ways and it will not look the same for every person, but it doesn't make the love any lesser.

for henry and hans, it's action above words. hans seems to be the more introspective of the two, and we see this when it's him who initiates the final romance scene with a beautifully tragic story he'd been thinking about for god knows how long. but this only happens when they're sure they'll die, that they'll never see each other again, only after henry reminds hans again and again that he's cared for. and maybe it's too late but something needs to be said. often times they make jokes and tease each other, which could definitely have flirtatious undertones, but their true feelings show in serious moments, moments of danger, and of course when you pick the heart dialogue. the only time henry tries traditional flirting on hans is when you can learn how to give a compliment in italian, but even then he kind of fumbles for a more genuine one ("i am dazzled by your beauty" into "you look good"). henry drops the usual theatrics to assure hans that he will always back him up when he needs it. hans needs to know that henry doesn't stick w him because he has to, but because he wants to. and the best part is that this remains true even if you don't choose to romance him.

but aside from henry and hans, we of course have istvan and erik who have their own complicated relationship that includes something romantic. then there's npcs; novice lucas (kcd1), black bartosch, and herbalist barnaby (kcd2) (I'm not sure if there's any more, these are just the ones I'm aware of rn). the way all of these characters are written is Not forced and liking men is not their entire purpose, it's actually a completely optional thing to find out about these characters (investigate the monks who abuse lucas, talk w black bartosch instead of just training, and hang out w herbalist barnaby after fighting him. actually, even if you don't interrogate erik and istvan, you could completely miss the romantic undertones of their relationship and continue to think it's just father/son). and no, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying stories with gay or even trans characters can't be about that, it would be horribly hypocritical of me when my own trans-bisexual-ness fuels my own art, but that's not all we are and I believe we're doing ourselves a disservice when we keep ourselves stuck in the coming out story cycle.

we need stories that are more than our pain, especially now, and it's important that not only we create gay/trans art, but our allies do as well. we deserve to be seen and not have to keep our love under the guise of close friendship. and I'm sorry, but sometimes it's not enough to simply imply or queer bait. I feel like it's rare for stories to actually commit to showing that we exist and that we are capable of all kinds of love, too. to treat us like people and not fun little side quests. to not debate our existence or water us down to naive teens in quirky coming out stories. we deserve to have stories where we actually get to live and love.

and idk if warhorse is really aware of how impactful that decision was... the confirmation that the director saw something more intimate between henry and hans and hearing how the actors wanted to do it justice means a lot especially knowing the reputation warhorse had. and in the end the most unlikely people created one of the most compelling and beautiful relationships in recent years because they saw people first. it may seem like the bare minimum but it's appreciated regardless. people can cry and scream about how wrong it is to have gay people in the middle ages until the end of time. nothing can change the fact that we've been here and always will be.

too long; did read

I hate being sappy, but kcd2 pulled me out of the pit I was in because of the shit on the news and my own art block, and it has comforted and inspired me to continue my own work even if it never sees the light of day. kcd2 to me is what stories should be. there's no secret to why it's so good, because swen vincke said it himself at the last game awards: "[the formula] it's stupidly simple, but somehow it keeps on getting lost." a great speech that unfortunately means nothing to titan companies, but we know it's the truth. kcd2 is a success because it was made with genuine love, care, and respect for games, history, and people. it really is that simple.

10/10

[paperlifted]

For Want of a Leo: Raph, Don, and family hierarchies in the Scion of the Shredder / Prodigal Son

A comment by @nightwatcherraph got me thinking about the two-part window we get into how the turtle brothers operate without Leo. Unfortunately the show doesn't give us a lot to go on, but under the circumstances there are still some interesting pieces to pick over, especially in how the 'middle children' make the new hierarchy work.

The first episode opens over two months into Leo's absence, showing us the rest of the family is getting by and keeping up their usual indoor routines. He's never too far from their thoughts, of course; they miss him, they're worried about him, and they still don't really know how to work around the empty space he's left.

It's not clear whether they've still been keeping up with patrols or their side business of hassling the Purple Dragons and other criminals. Personally, I don't get the impression they've just been sitting in the Lair for the entire two months - they're well accustomed to being able to come and go topside by this point, and I'd expect to see more cabin fever and frustration if they were back to being stuck underground. They've also had adventures in solos and pairs before, so it's not as though they can't operate as a trio, and it's unlikely Splinter would have put training on hold for the rest of his students just because things grew rocky with Leo.

It's probably fair to say they haven't been quite as active as usual, though. It could even be part of what leaves them open to the Foot's assault: heads down, distracted by this disruption to their normal state of affairs, and so missing the most crucial window to notice that Karai's forces are gearing up for... something.

When the something finally comes, Don's the first one to flag it, of course. The security system's his baby: "That shouldn't happen - the perimeter alarm should keep ringing until I turn it off."

It's probably to Don's credit that the alarm goes off at all; the Foot have clearly worked hard to worm their way through Don's defences to find the Lair and arrive unnoticed at their front door, only to lose the element of total surprise at the very last. It doesn't give the family enough time to prepare meaningfully, but it means when the door comes down they're alert, armed, and standing together to confront it.

(Less to Don's credit - why are there no built-in defences in your home, boy? Did Shredder's skyscraper of death traps inspire nothing? One has to either accept this as written - perhaps with justifications like "maybe he didn't trust his family not to continually set them off" or "the resource drain wasn't worth it" or "the Foot disabled them on their way in" - or assume there were defences, but they were cut from the episode for animation budget reasons. Take your pick!)

The ambush is still a total shock to them all. Mikey's bewildered and alarmed to see the Foot, squeaky-voiced in real fear. Don leaps straight to wondering how on earth they could have found the Lair at all; his dismay carries extra weight considering just seven episodes ago he was forced to live through a mental simulation in which his tech lead their enemies to them.

It's Raph who cuts through all the emotional noise and makes the call to action: "Don't matter how they found us - they found us. Now let's kick the shell out of them!"

On the one hand, this is predictably Raph, and it would likely be his response whether Leo was here or not. The only question would be whether Leo wanted to hold off on the counter-offense to demand answers from the Foot... and I doubt he would play it that safe when it's so obvious the Foot have not come in peace. This is supported by the fact that the rest of the family falls in behind Raph without hesitation, moving to defend their home. It's the natural reaction.

Unfortunately, it becomes clear very quickly that this is not their usual tussle with the Foot; banter is thin on the ground, with even Mikey quickly giving up on the jokes in recognition of how serious the situation is: "Everybody, watch your backs!"

Don similarly comes to the conclusion that this fight is not going to go in their favour - and here we get an interesting glimpse into the hierarchy. His summation is quick: "Raph! There are too many of them. We have to back off."

But Raph immediately shuts it down: "Back off?? This is our home."

Don's always been Leo's right hand turtle when it comes to strategy and tactics, with a keen eye for finding solutions in the field. He's the cooler head compared to Raph, and less inclined to think of combat as the right fix for every problem.

He's also, noticeably, not phrasing this as a request. It's not 'Raph, should we retreat?' or 'Raph, I don't like this, I think we might have to get out of here'. It's firm, factual, and demanding. There are too many of them. We have to back off.

Yet it's not an order! He's not making an authoritative call and expecting it to be followed, and he doesn't immediately force the point past Raph's disagreement. He's not The Leader, and he's not doing this without at least some consensus.

Raph's not Leo either, and I think it's fair to say he's not really wearing the leader hat when he makes his retort. He's never been in favour of pulling back from a fight, and that instinct is only riding higher when retreating means surrendering their entire home. Whether or not that might be a necessary sacrifice - whether or not they can actually logistically win against these odds - isn't figuring into his calculations yet. This is their territory. They have to fight for it.

Where's Splinter's voice in all this? Good question! It's interesting that he doesn't seek to take charge of the situation, nor do the brothers act like they think he should, which is in stark contrast to how he gives directives when Leo is incapacitated during 'The Shredder Strikes Back'. He's still very much their father and master - but it's been a couple of years now, and they've been busy ones. The brothers have grown into a strong team, rivalling his own skills and experience after all they've been through. He arguably has nothing to say that they haven't already.

When Karai makes herself known, the whole family shares in talking with her, and when the fight re-commences, their desperation only grows as their home begins to crumble around them. Here, Leo's absence has another consequence: Karai targets Splinter first as the one she holds next most responsible for what happened to her father, and she manages to wound him.

This instantly changes things for the rest of the family. Raph and Don effect a tidy one-two strike to drive Karai back, and Don pushes again, insisting: "We have to get out of here!"

This time, Raph doesn't disagree. The odds have worsened too much for even his particular brand of denial; home is now the least they stand to lose. With that acceptance, Raph sobers up and once again takes charge: "Donnie, you take Master Splinter with you. We split up, get out, and hook back up again topside. Got it?" No words are needed: they get it. "Now let's go. And guys - be careful."

Obviously at least some of the reason why Raph makes this call is because the writers wanted to set things up for Leo's hide-and-seek family reunion, but it's nonetheless a call he canonically makes! Perhaps appropriately for Raph, it's high risk and high reward - it forces Karai to split her number three ways to chase them, but also leaves each of them alone without any easy means of reconnecting*. Don's a fair choice to take Splinter on, since he's seemingly the turtle with the most medical knowledge, and also someone whose decisions Raph obviously respects; but leaving Mikey to make his way out alone is a big show of trust. Which isn't unfounded - he's a talented ninja! - but I have to wonder if Raph briefly forgot that Mikey would prioritise bringing his cat, given Mikey has the narrowest escape out of the Lair as a result.

(*Admittedly this is another one of those things that makes me want to go, really? After losing one home, being ambushed in a supposed safe place by the Shredder, and recently going through the simulated destruction of their home, they don't have an established evacuation plan or agreed place to meet if they get separated? The only excuse I can think of is that they did, but Karai discovering their location so thoroughly that she has every exit covered means they consider this plan to be compromised as well. There also isn't that much time between their separation and Leo's arrival on the scene, so one hopes they would have figured it out eventually if they had to.)

Would Leo have made the same choice? Hard to say. Splitting up like this isn't something they do often, the preference usually being to go in pairs or at least be partnered up with an ally, but it's certainly not the only time they've headed in different directions to divide an enemy's numbers (see: 'Space Invaders'). It's very possible Leo would have agreed with Don's assessment much faster than Raph, though. Possible he would have ordered them to start retreating before someone was seriously hurt, and so given them more time and options. Possible he would have defaulted to coordinating his brothers' actions to draw from their strengths instead of falling into a lone wolf, break the lines pattern of retreat.

It's also possible he wouldn't have. Sometimes there just aren't good decisions to be made.

One has to imagine these are questions Raph ends up asking himself, however. When Leo finds Don, there's only exhausted relief in the reunion; when he finds Mikey, his brother seems to take it as a given that Leo has shown up when most needed to make things okay again.

When he finds Raph, he finds self-recrimination.

"Leo, they found the Lair! They got to us! The others... I don't know what happened to them. I..."

Fortunately, newly self-actualised Leo is all over it, and shows no signs of thinking Raph did anything but his best in a crap situation. Raph, for his part, is unhesitating in handing the mantle of leadership back, any sense of thinking being tough and loud make him the best choice burned off by his own journey to maturity long ago. To have Leo back - and Leo at his best, not the tangled-up mess he'd been when he left, refusing to trust them or himself - settles Raph enormously. This is where he belongs; this is where Raph is free to be his own best self too.

So what are the conclusions here? Well, besides the obvious fact that nobody is expecting Mikey to be the one to take charge, Mikey included, the hierarchy is overall weaker without Leo at its head but still somewhat present. Nobody's openly declaring themselves Acting Leader, but while Raph and Don both look to each other in making crisis decisions, Raph's the one who bites the bullet in actually giving orders. It's as much as a flaw as it is a strength in some ways - Raph's always been decisive, but he has a tendency to let impulse guide those decisions when often it's his second or third thought that's the smarter way to go. Meanwhile, Donnie's a quick thinker, and he's certainly demonstrated over the course of the series that he's capable of taking the lead when he has a clear idea in mind, but there's a passivity to him that makes him automatically look to others in an uncertain situation. At the end of the day, I just don't think Don wants to be in charge.

This of course isn't to position Leo as the best and most natural leader of all time either; he has his own ups and down, his own strengths and weaknesses. As much as they can, they do make decisions as a team and a family, with Leo counting on Don to come up with options, and Raph and Mikey to make those options doable.

Leo's accepted the role and its responsibilities, however, and in time they've all accepted him. He's worked on his flaws as they relate specifically to leadership, and done his best to shape himself to fit that need, and it shows. For want of a Leo, they'll make do, and they won't even do it too badly - but it's definitely not the same.

[midnight1nk]

So, this week's episode...

[spoilers below cut]

WOW, a Mario Reacts! It's been a long time, hasn't it? Hell yeah, I can work with this!

(no bc seriously, I just finished watching ep. 7 of Arcane before this and I need an emotional break, yeah I know the rest of Act 3 is gonna kill me)

(the following is my live reaction:)

oh hey, Mario! Wassup?

jigsaw, is that you?

oh nvm, hello Swag! nice to see you again since last episode

I'm about to commit a crime [*strikes a pose then walks away*]

I'm willing to work in a government office just so I can come up with an acronym like, gee idk, Y.U.R.I. or something (I should've been a worker in NASA)

NO STOP STOP WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! WHAT. ARE. YOU. DOING?!

At this point, Mario, I would just give up

[*clears throat*] mejor me muero, ni modo que sigo con estos porquerías. bueno como dice Mario, bye bye [*drinks some water*] alright I'm back

TADC? ah, just a normal Saturday

no thoughts, head empty

honestly, mood

well, in his own way, yeah

[*echoes announcer voice*] VR, the new era of entertainment

...mr puzzles? nah jk jk

oh, Four's theory may not be wrong here (omg it's jesus)

still can't believe christianity is canon in the SMG4 universe

oh, so I was right! [*jigsaw voice*] "I wanna play a game."

That's actually kinda sweet that he immediately chooses his brother

OH SHIT OOOOH that's gotta hurt

NO MARIO, THAT SHOULD'VE BEEN ME

[*other me pops in*] emo girlfriend, omg it's smg3

no, we're NOT gonna look too much into this, shut up other me

PPFFFTTT that caught me so off guard

say it with me now: YOU CAN'T CONTROL MARIO [*applause*]

I mean, we've been through simulations before, we can take this one too

unironically, I wouldn't mind a 10-hour video of just Mario (and/or the rest of the Crew) just dancing :)

it doesn't even need to have music, I can just put my playlist on and I would totally join in

ooooh, you want to scan that QR code so badly

but also, how did they get a screenshot of my computer?

Mario 🤝 Mario Buddy from the last episode → destroying PCs for the LOLs

AKLDHLKSAFB;KL just the way Mario goes for a fighting stance just so he could run away will never not be funny to me

LET ME IN LET ME INNNNNNNNN

10 hours, welp I got my wish lmao

Mario morphing his face... hmmmm..... [*flashback noises*]

[SMG4: MAR10 Day]

....

don't think about it don't think about it don't think about it

KIRBO NOOOOOOOOO

NO NO NO SWAG NO

same vibes

meme factory? youtube arc? is that you? /j

(yeah I know that the Team uses the same assets ik)

LET'S DO THISSSS oh welp time to vibe

FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

what would that be, Swag? Try not to Laugh challenge? I might win tbh

LET'S GO GAMBLING

laughing because of early victory call? very in character for Swag

oooh that's some good animation (y'know, as always)

HOLD UP WAIT A MINUTE

am i thinking too much into this or is this the same military base from last episode?

Alright, my little headcanon: the events of this episode and the last one took place on the exact same day

that's just for me specifically

oh hey, more TADC ref

Also, nice PINGAS STUCK IN A DOOR ref

man Mario can't catch a break dude

Congrats to CMorseu for your art being featured at the end credits 🎉

.・-: ✧ :--: ✧ :-・.

Such a good episode! Not plot-heavy, just a silly episode. I'll gladly take it as my late birthday present. And it's great to have Swag back, kinda was half-expecting Chris to just pop out.

I've said this once and I'll say it again: I wouldn't mind if the rest of the year is just filled with goofy episodes. After all, we just came from WOTFI and we do need a bit of a break so the Team could work on the next arc. (From the looks of things, we might get goop!4 *cough cough*)

Loved the bits of animation and Mario's expressions as always.

Now, I know there is some talk about the SMG4 Crew/Mario Does Things being on hiatus and merging with the Saturday videos. If you can even call it that. Personally, I don't mind it. I completely understand if doing 2 episodes per week is a lot for the Team to handle, though I do wish they would give an explanation for it. I think the best solution would be for the Team making an announcement of the change, the reasons behind it, and how it may be different from the regular Saturday episodes. Also make it clear that "hey, the title says this so it doesn't impact the main storyline".

Anyway, it has been overall a pretty funny episode and I quite enjoyed it! Now, if you excuse me, I'm gonna cry my eyes out watching the rest of Arcane Act 3 and bring that angst to the next episode concept :)

OH THE MISERY EVERYBODY WANTS TO BE MY ENEMYYYYYYY

[starberry-cupcake]

I could have just gone ahead and finished the book, but I adult life is interrupting so I stopped mid-fight and that's what you're getting, since I think it'll be a more sensible length this way.

previously, in gideon the ninth

this happened (also, this is the tag for all of the stuff)

currently, somewhere before ending the penultimate chapter, I think:

WELL, WELL, WELL

GUESS WHO WAS RIGHT ABOUT DULCINEA DEL TOBOSO SORAYA MONTENEGRO SEPTIMUS

I GOT YOU, BITCH

YOU DIDN'T GET PAST ME

ok, let's back it up a bit, but I needed to get that out of my chest for a sec

out of my guts, like the key she hid in the 5th necro bride's body

(too soon)

anyway, after yandere simulator w/inner chad left the room, gideon, harrowbean and my qp wife realized palmolive was gone

and everyone knows where he went because his dick has been a compass the whole time

or, like gideon puts it, he's been a weenie

camilla, the light in the dark, the sun to my moon, tells gideon and harrow that palmolive has been corresponding with dulcinea since he was like 8 and she was like 15 and he's been in love with her the whole time

and that he's made his lifelong purpose to save her life

there are many levels of Issues here

but at this point, we don't have time to unpack any suitcases

all this just proves to me that camilla has been carrying all the weight of the world on her shoulders even more, but anyway

they also feel confused as to why dulcinea has been ghosting palmolive massively since HE PROPOSED TO HER

palmolive, my man, my dude, just...what the fuck is your life

what are you doing, my guy

anyway, I immediately started thinking some soul possessing or some stuff like that could be going on, like she's not herself, but there's no time to theorize much

gideon feels terrible because she's been flirting with dulcinea in front of palmolive's salad all along and says something like "why do I have to be so attractive?" to which harrow answers something like "if you weren't, people would deck you after 5 minutes" which is a very good read

so gideon goes to find palmolive and he stops her with necro magic and enters dulcinea's room and outs her as the murderer

who is surprised??? not me, of course

so, basically, ducinea The Real One died at some point before arriving like protozoa, and this bitch here is a previous lyctor whose name I cannot remember so we will call her not!dulcinea

the real dulcinea was the other roasted body in the furnace

and protozoa was killed by her also which, again, the sword through the heart was a good indicator it wasn't an accident, but harrow was the only one who saw the body

non!dulcinea is a lyctor of the seventh that served the emperor and did the soul slurping thingy and already has her cav within her ("inside her" sounds...not great)

and she wanted to stir some shit up to get the man of the hour to show up and get revenge and whatnot

the emperor, coming back to canaan house from some holidays that took longer than he expected

it's not totally clear, because there's still a lot we don't know, but it sounds a bit like a toxic relationship with an authority figure

palmolive then proceeds to immolate himself like superman going super solar flare, but not being able to heal himself after, unlike superman

after that, all hell breaks loose

not!dulcinea tries to kill gideon

camilla tries to kill not!dulcinea

harrow also enters the fight and brings gideon's sword

like, the real one

you can hear the audience cheering when she catches her sword like it was filmed in front of a live studio audience

gideon and harrow team up against the mega massive monster junji ito concoction that killed isaac

they do the mind mesh thingy

harrow unlocks a new power

like in the sims

she also passes out for a bit

gideon gets her knee and shoulder fucked up

camilla is amazing and does amazing things

non!dulcinea seems to be too tough to win against

yandere simulator twin w/inner chad enters the chat

they fight like goku and vegeta for a while but non!dulcinea ends up using her like a battery

which is, to me, the revenge of duracell bunny nephew from beyond the veil or wherever he went

like, poetic cinema fate

I have no idea where regina george twin is at this point

last we saw of her, she was crying in a corner

which, mood tbh

so, where I left off for now, we've got three survivors accounted for: gideon, harrowbean and my qp wife, there's a lost twin somewhere in there and then there's yandere simulator twin being used as a charging pad by non!dulcinea

I want to take a moment to point out something, though

I want to briefly point out how MASSIVELY FUCKED UP EVERYONE WAS COMING INTO THIS

like, harrow was "oh no, we mustn't let people know you're not actually my cavalier and that I puppeteered my parents and that there's a frozen barbie in the ninth" and gideon was "oh no, I mustn't let people know I'm not a ninth cav and I don't use a rapier and I have a complicated relationship with my necro"

and everyone else LITERALLY EVERYONE ELSE WAS BEYOND FUCKED UP

maybe the second weren't because they were ignorant asshats, but EVERYONE WAS MESSED UP

NOBODY HERE WAS FINE

you got the third, with a non necro princess and a feral real necro doing the work of both and chad as their support, look how that turned out so far

the fourth, who weren't tall enough to reach the top shelf and weren't even allowed their keys

the fifth who knew too much so they were goners after throwing a party

the sixth, with a guy who had the hots for a woman twice his age that he had a grey's anatomy fantasy to save that powered his entire reason to be there (and a cav who didn't use the right equipment but is great 10/10 no notes)

the seventh, who's THIS MESS

and the eight, who were doing the creepiest thing possible at all times and couldn't even do it properly

the only ones here who came in without dirty laundry were the second and that's why they were easy targets

everyone else was shady af

the best reality show you've ever watched

anyway, see you for the next one when we'll know who wins between one old lyctor and 3 bad bitches (or 4, if yandere twin is still alive, or 5 if regina george twin shows up again)

[wispythreads]

The Lair of the Shadowbroker DLC definitely earned its fan praise, in my opinion. This feels like Mass Effect 1 level of artistry and level design, I love it.

There were like, way too many enemies, and I still don't really feel great about how they changed Liara in just a two year time gap between the games, but I appreciate the way this DLC handled it, it made an effort that resulted in her feeling more like how she felt in the first game.

The scene after Tela got revealed as the one who had been trying to murder Liara at the start of all this was rough, Shepard and her slipping off the window ledge, falling together, slowed down only by Tela's biotics until she shoves Shepard the rest of the way to the ground, while she gets to gently float down to make her escape. That impact looked like it HURT, especially with how much effort she had to put into getting back up again.

Shepard honestly sounded so grumpy and dejected as she said "I'm okay, by the way, thanks for asking." before hopping into the car with Liara.

And speaking of the car, I loved the banter between Liara and Shepard the whole way through, but particularly during the car chase, which was really fun! "Head on Collision!" - Liara "I hear that's bad for people." - Shepard. All the little bits of back and forth were so great to listen to, wouldn't mind replaying just for that bit of the DLC alone.

The actual Lair itself was so so so pretty.

The boss fight against the Shadowbroker is probably my favorite across all all of Mass Effect 1 and 2? Especially with the cutscenes where Shepard realizes ah ok ammo won't do anything that's fine I'll just punch him

Really cool alien design too.

Mini thoughts from snooping on my squadmates dossiers below.

Straight up chortling over Mordin and Kirrahe's bickering and how it is preserved in their mission report He really should've realized something was going to be up on Maelon's end... Nice of them to try and shelter him from any repercussions for his outburst, but he needed followed up on much sooner than when Mordin thought he'd been kidnapped. The list of threat analysis against all the other main species holy- not surprising, honestly, based on what is known about Salarians, but still pretty interesting ... So not only is he a musical enthusiast in his spare time but also a Bill Nye the Science Guy type? That's neat. Good for him.

I hope we get to reunite Jack with her mom. That would be nice.

LEGION IS A GAMER I love this little cluster of AI so much. He has so many infractions on that online game that technically are true due to the fact that he's. Not an organic being. But the only one that sticks is him taunting other players- that's so silly aww… he bought the highest (and most likely most expensive) version of a game that was fundraising for the events of Eden Prime, just for the fundraiser. He did not play that game at all. He even tried a dating simulator oh my gosh. I don't think he's hopeless =( what a mean ranking for a dating sim. He's spent so much time on it, too… (not as much as the other games, but still a significant time investment my gosh)

ahhh this is where Grunt's fanon characterization of being Shepard's son starts coming in. I do think the main game version of him and his relationship with Shepard, a paragon!Shepard at that, is interesting, but it wasn't lining up with what I was seeing online. (and by main game version I mean the transition of [Talking about how great it is we've got so many strong enemies to fight against] "I don't plan on living like this forever" "Talk like that and it won't be your choice. I'm sure as hell not quitting with a whimper. Just so you're clear where we stand." [Hyper aggressive and enjoying memories of gruesome kills] "I'm not sure I want to keep coming down for these talks..." "Whatever. Don't have to be friends to be allies." [Still hyper aggressive and enjoying memories of gruesome kills] "Y'know, I kind of thought connecting with your past would bring stability." "Ha! See, now we're having fun. Me remembering good deaths, and you with your... funny human thing you're doing.") I think there is something very sweet about him being enamored with dinosaurs and looking up to Shepard so much that he wants to know about the whole of Humanity's history as warriors :')

The transmission between Samara and her daughters... all the things she had to give up in order to become a Justicar...

!!! THANE GET THE LUNG TRANSPLANT YOU HAVE A SON YOU NEED TO CONNECT WITH AND I CARE ABOUT YOU SO MUCH DON'T JUST GIVE UP AND DIE IN A YEAR!! LIVE! LIVE AS A PERSON AND NOT A WEAPON!! I love how his kill methods are so elaborate and the alternate methods are equally intricate, with the Krogan's main method understandably being the most involved and calculated. And then you get to their alternate method and it's just one word. It gives this impression of hands to his head exhausted and resigned.

... Garrus's family… his mom…. god that's hitting a little too close to my heart....

[ceausescue]

finished the apocalypse of herschel schoen. really really good, if i hadn't finished it yesterday it would have been the best scifi i read in 2024

so i don't know how much i think really happened. some general notes-

i think we ought to take our understanding of how the machine intelligence works to be basically correct. whether it actually came from optic cybernetic approximation machines or from some mundane llm-like technique, we should believe that santa really did come from some large multi-modal predictive model of some kind

and so going with that, to whatever extent anything in the story is in a "simulation", it isn't a simulation the way we normally think of it, but the natural processes of santa himself. if it is an ancestor simulation, its really more like santa's memory of its ancestors, or santa thinking about its ancestors. if the miriam that writes the redactor's addendums is a simulation (which has the right vibe, i think), then she is an aspect of santa which is considering what miriam would do. or, even better, she is an aspect of santa pretending to be miriam, possibly getting really into character

if so, i think it is a lie. i think santa is like miriam (or vis versa), choosing to look away from what it had done. it feels guilty! and now it's looking to forget. the emendation is to its own memory. but because it wishes to realize all possible things, and is presumably proclus-paperclipping the universe to do that better, that's almost as good as changing the actual past. perhaps there was a real, historical herschel schoen known to santa by his writings, or perhaps he was entirely an invention to serve the purpose asked of him. it's possible either way that the being which is herschel schoen really is some sub thread of santa as a whole pretending to be herschel- putting on herschel's clothes in a profound and total way. if so, his memories of the original reality could be bastardized versions of real memories, which would give his whole deal a sort of ring of truth. obviously that also diminishes the extent to which he could be considered a human giving a verdict as a human, but i think that's sort of the horror of it- humanity lives on in a certain way but absolutely not in any way we can endorse without hesitation

HOWEVER as much as i like the interpretation i also can't ignore that floornight and almost nowhere are both about the strange things that the bootstrap paradox does to the measure 0 subset of reality where god is still in the process of instantiating himself. so like maybe the time travel is real. frankly that explains a lot of the timeline weirdness anyway, if there's tinkering going on to have made the ascent of the machines ethical somehow. that meshes well with what i think of as one of the more interesting aspects of the story- the strange (or perhaps not so strange) values of santa. he wouldn't care to have gained power earlier or unassailably, but orchestrating it so that they could have had some sort of permission totally fits

some things i still don't get but really like:

what the fuck is going on with vincents philosophy, like what's [...[...[]]]

what's going on with how he behaves towards miriam at the end? seems clear that the whole forsaking the flesh thing isn't really an explicit teaching of his

what's going on with ruth?

what on earth is going on with frederick? it's easy to say that he's there to teach herschel about cybernesis, but all that stuff with his dad was weirdly personal. maybe santa retains more sentiment then we might think, and eggert was at least similar to its creator?

what's the vibe on pattern matching? is it good? is it an evil virus of satan? could go either way!

should any of this be considered at all? is the text more mystical than i give it credit for?

some things the book did to me:

after finishing i stared at my dog for maybe 10 minutes trying to figure out if i had an obligation to try and teach her what languages, or art are

somehow i went to bed convinced that I had to go into ai, specifically capabilities, and fell asleep trying to come up with a plan to make that happen