#I dont care if Im the bad guy here fuck it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

pinkandlilacroses · 2 days

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Angel - Paige bueckers

part 3

• summary {when an unsuspecting girl falls for the basketball star}

• warnings {drug use, angst}

• comment if you would like to be added to the taglist

bella’s pov

“ok you can go now” she says, emotionless

“oh”

“i mean, no offence but i have a girl coming soon, so you cant be here” she says laying on her back, breaking our eye contact

i don’t respond and put my clothes back on. this is fucked

“have a nice night”

i haven’t cried this much in months, walking through the halls, ugly crying.

‘paige’ has been blocked by ‘bella’

“bella whats wrong” avery says, empathetically

“i hate her, i hate her so much” i cry, barley being able to choke the words out

i look at avery after my response and i have never seen her that angry, there could fully be steam coming from her ears.

“please dont talk to her, please dont hurt her, please avery, please” i cry out, begging the infuriated girl

“why not bella, she deserves it” she yells

my tears dont stop and i feel like they will never stop pouring.

“tell me what she did”

i begin the tell her the events of tonight and her anger only grows.

“that fucking bitch” is all she can say in response

“but i blocked her, and im literally never gonna speak to her again” i say, trying to make a positive point, to counteract this negative situation

“you are never gonna speak to her again”

“im gonna go off to bed”

i feel broken, i got used. i wanted my first time with a girl to be meaningful, i know i like girls and i wanted to prove to myself that having sex with girls wasn’t wrong, but i feel wrong, i feel gross. i cant believe i would let myself be that vulnerable with someone i barley know. ive never been the one to have one night stands and ive only ever had sex with someone ive been in a relationship with.

i take my valium, something i swore to never use again after getting addicted, but its the only thing that works.

“hey, how are you feeling” avery ask’s, genuinely. i’ve never seen her be this gentle before

“wheres my weed”

“bella no”

“shut up avery”

i walk to the kitchen and unlock one of the drawers, and i see the stash. thank god

i know i shouldn’t smoke as a coping mechanism, but its the only thing that works, every time something bad happens to me, i turn to smoking

after going through 3 joints, im barley able to talk or stand up. perfect

knock

ugh

knock

fuck off

knock

“who is it” i say, it barley even sounded like words

“its azzi, is avery here”

who the fuck is azzi

“avery theres a bitch here for you” i say taking another drag

“oh my god! hey azzi” avery says, excitedly, why the fuck is she acting like that

“why are you so fucking happy” i ask, knowing full well how rude i sound

“this is azzi, shes in my psychology class and we have gotten pretty close” avery says, grabbing azzi and sitting next to me on the couch

“yo dont sit on my shit” i say, mad

“your bella right?” azzi says, happily. i hate happy people

“yeah”

“yeah avery’s told me alot about you” she says

“cool” i reply, dryly

“azzis on the basketball team” avery says, my eyes widen

“of course she is” i say, sarcastically. i hate basketball

“yeah, have you been to any games” she questioned, attempting to continue this boring conversation

“nah, i dont watch basketball”

“oh well you should sometime, avery keeps saying how she wants to go to a game” azzi says, looking at avery who begins giggling. sus

“bella your probably friends with some people on the team” avery says

“you wanna hit” i offer to azzi

“nah, i dont smoke”

“boring” i say, bluntly

“do you guys mind if some of my friends come over” azzi says

“no, no, thats perfectly fine” avery says, looking at azzi. basically eye fucking her

“who” i ask

“ice, kk, aubrey, nika and ashlee” she lists

fuck my life. im to high to care

“yeah whatever” i say, lazily

“ok perfect, ill tell them to come” azzi says, excitedly

“are you sure” avery whispers to me, being nice. for once

“i dont give a fuck, its fine” i say taking a drag

im so high. god damn

10 minutes later all of azzis friends turn up, why are they all so tall. what the fuck

avery introduces herself to them and points them to our couch

“hey im kk, your bella right” kk asks

“yeah im bella”

“hey im ice”

“hey im nika”

“hey im ashlee”

“hey im aubrey”

to many people to remember

until

“oh paige came to, i hope you dont mind” azzi says to us, mostly avery

avery says nothing, myself included

“hi paige” avery says, extremely cold

“come sit guys” azzi says, breaking the silence. i wish i wasn’t so high cause i wanna go to my room

everyone sits on the couch, paige sitting the furthest away from me. funny. not funny. not laughing

conversation begins and everyone is involved. everyone but me, ugh i’m so uncomfortable

paige keeps looking at me, and yes i’m noticing because i’m looking at her to.

paige’s pov

fuck. why do i keep looking at her.

she blocked me last night so obviously shes mad about my actions last night, its just a hookup, nothing more.

its not that deep

“i’m going to bed” bella says, slurring and barely able to stand up. i didn’t know she smoked that much, i guess i don’t know anything about her. but i don’t care.

“paige are you ready to go” kk and ice say to me

“yeah, aubrey, nika, azzi, u ready to go”

“yeah lets go”

“actually im gonna stay” azzi says. sus

“buy guys” is said in unison

azzis pov

“ugh finally” avery says, while smashing her lips onto mine

A/N: im being active rn lolll. how do we like avery and azzi

#paige bueckers x reader #paige bueckers headcannons #paige bueckers smut #paige bueckers fic #paige bueckers #uconn #uconn women’s basketball #uconn huskies #uconn wbb #azzi fudd #nika muhl #kk arnold

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trucbiduleschouettes · 1 year

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Me: gets angry and speak my mind because fuck being nice and not saying anything, justified anger or not

My body: and now we're gonna give you a case of the full body shiver and stomach curl of stress and anxiety for being the worse person alive

#I hate my body I hate it I hate it #If I was too harsh I ll apologize tomorrow because rn im too emotional to do it properly #but gods I hate that im so used to bottling uo everything and not allow myself to be upset till im breaking that i feel physically sick #argggg #vent #personal #I dont care if Im the bad guy here fuck it #everything fucking SUCKs and I'm fucking TIRED #so what if i m a fucking mean bitch huh #fuck this I dont wanna be nice anymore I dont wanna fucking keep bottling up everything because what if other feels sad #yeah well I feel sad too godamnit #ignore me I'm fine I just need to sleep and step away from the situation and cool down and apologize once I do

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oozeandgoo-art · 4 months

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had an odd dream that i was reading a comic book. sketched a couple of the pages i could remember.

#i might adapt this into an actual story because i am SO SO SO mad that it isn't a thing i can go back to reading #oc #im definitely keeping the concept of save-bot i fucking love save-bot he's just doing his best. i love a robot who wants to help people #im not equipped to be writing about underground rebellions with any sense of real tact though #besides its in a superhero universe/story so you know it would just be so sucks lol #sketch #god the colors were so interesting. the teal parts were all very precisely crosshatched and the fire was this gorgeous brush pen looking #colored inks that just seemed like they were MOVING #and i mean some of that was because i was dreaming but god even in my halfhearted copy you can see some of the movement #it was a bad scene but a really really REALLY fun dream. i love when a book can *get* to me so i was really enjoying it #put it aside so i could take a break and woke up. instant fury at the universe for not having it be a real book instead #ill reblog with details if anyone's curious. i can explain this scene but i dont feel like it #the green people are in a secret basement though. hiding from the government. blue jacket guy is a speedster robot named save-bot who does #rescue stuff with every fire department so fire suppression technology is not very good because save-bot "can just save you''#however they're badly over their legal occupancy and the secret basement has One (1) exit so everyone is like really fucked here.#includinig save-bot who is going to do his job until he dies because he is an ai without any sense of self preservation and he cares #which i didn't even CATCH until i woke up and started tryin to frantically note everything down #and then i was like wait. the glitter on that last page before i realized i needed a glass of water to keep reading... what WAS that...#(it was tears suspended in midair because save-bot goes so fast and also knows he's so fucked LOL)#seriously i'm so mad someone else didn't make this.

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hella1975 · 3 months

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we may have lost another one to the bisexual hotgirl and straight loserboy agenda but trust i am fighting it comrades 🫡

#IM TRYINGGGGG. the fuck of it all is that we've been going on dates on and off for WEEKS now #and i said to him at the start im not looking for anything serious and there's a chance he might be mugging himself off #bc i am just NOT emotionally available and low and behold we were at the pub the other night and wound up having a pretty #serious talk about how ive really liked getting closer to him and i genuinely enjoy our time together but i just cant see anything #serious coming of it NOT BC OF HIM BC GENUINELY I FEEL LIKE IVE MET MY MATCH WITH THIS BOY #NO ONE IRL CAN BANTER WITH ME LIKE HE CAN AND THAT IS SUCHHH A CRUCIAL BOX TO TICK WITH ME #but i just dont think im mentally or emotionally in the place for a relationship and i dont like him ENOUGH to fight for it #like it's been v illuminating v much that 'you never realise just how mentally ill you are until you try persuing a romantic relationship'#bc DAMN. i feel insane like why cant i just be normal about things and enjoy nice things and people in my life #BUT despite me saying all this to him and TRYING NOT TO BE THE ASSHOLE he has fully admitted that he likes me SO MUCH #that he'd like to keep going on dates and stuff regardless of the end result. like he genuinely just likes my company #and will take it in any capacity he can get he literally SAID that he's whipped for me 😭#and im like HOW DO I WIN HERE. IF I TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THAT IM AN ASSHOLE BUT CUTTING HIM OFF ISNT FAIR EITHER #AND I LIKE OUR LITTLE DATES AND BEING SPOILED AND HAVING SOMEONE BE A LITTLE OBSESSED WITH ME #SORRY IF THAT MAKES ME A BAD GUY. GOD FORBID WOMEN DO ANYTHING #ughhhhhhh. so yeah we're going on another date tonight. shoot me i dont care!!!!#hella goes to uni

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ozymoron · 2 months

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reading posts that come across my dash and sitting for a minute to debate with my mental disorder if not reblogging this will mean a hell portal will open beneath my feet and i will suffer for eternity for my lack of action or if its all good and i can just scroll on by (its usually the hell portal thing)

#⚠️#personal #having ocd makes making moral decisions so fucking hard for no reason #cause ill see a post thats like info or seems important and like i can tell its that kind of post just by skimming it st first and somethin #clicks in my brain that just tells me if i dont share that post everyone will know and think im a horrible person #regardless of what the actual post is about #i need like a handbook on how to make proper moral decisions #cause like yeah i do care about things i try to share stuff about things i care about and believe are important but sometimes i dont have #the energy to read long as posts and my brain twists it to make it out that people will know and i am the bad guy #idk my ocds telling me even saying this makes me a bad person #the fact i even struggle with this #sometimes i think im not built for social media but really i think social medias not built for people like me #maybe i should get help for my ocd but the idea of describing all the shit going on in my brain to someone just makes me feel scared #cause like i dont know when to draw the line at making something a problem i should actively have a hand in helping #how much is too much when do i stop #<- in regards to my own mental health like the mental exhaustion that can come from it i hope this makes sense #like some things you gotta invest like emotional shit into and like sometimes im just tired and i come on here and im faced with one of #those posts and i just have to debate with myself what the fuck im supposed to do #this is more a me issue than anything i need to sort this shit out with some mental health professional or something #cause like i dont want to have people think i dont care about these things i do and ik pressing reblog takes like no energy but idk man #im not even sure if some of the shit i reblog is cause i care or is just an ocd compulsion #i feel like most times its both #i cant help but think im the problem here i want to be on social media its just so draining having my mind repeatedly hound me for not like #showing enough care (reblogging more posts) about a certain issue online #idk im so tired of it all im so tired of my mind i wish i didnt have ocd #vent #so funny right after i posted this i scrolled down and one of these posts was rigjt beneath it and the debate happens all over again #lord i need to get out of here

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munamania · 5 months

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every time theres a ruby edit the search is ruby cruz boyfriend. leave her alone!

#oh my god. like real freak behavior. its like an obsession with confirming something to themselves #i think the most shes ever said publicly abt relationships is just that she was going through a breakup filming.#and ppl do this on everything or like Wow too bad she has a bf. what do u know! share w the class. and its always just a pic w some random #guy shes standing next to like these ppl arent even being accurate in their freakery.#get real #like quite frankly i dont care its not my business what shes up to she keeps her shit private for a reason.#but like i dont think we need to obsess over whether shes gay baiting or something. i wouldnt give a single fuck if she was first of all #shed win ally of the year for a million years at my request cause she looks good doing it!#good and dykey. but also be serious #k well im really the normal one here i promise #abby talks

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waywardsalt · 11 months

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mmmgh

#salty talks #this one is personal but not in a scary just in a i need to say this shit somewhere way #botw/totk… i do not fucking like th. like gameplay is fun puzzles are cool world is cool but like.#the lackluster story and characters honest to god drag it the fuck down for me #none of the characters are actuslly interesting and ganondorf is the only one i want to see in totk #like i got the master sword. i got it and its like whatever. i know whats up with the light dragon and i dont care #totk is making me start to dislike this version of zelda and idk how to feel abt that #no one feels like. interesting. everyone is either good or evil or a fucking side character with a paper thin life #and totk with its fucking no-nuance go kill ganondorf plot is just. stop making half of the plot take place in the fucking past #i havent really done much story stuff but like. GOD. no one in totk is meant to be morally gray its all so fucking black and white #what happened to having major characters who were morally dubious and were actually fascinating to watch #i dont like that most of the major characters in totk/botw are Good Guys and Nice To Link nobody actually interests me #i was SO excited that the lurelin pirates would be a new group of characters to contend with but no. monsters. fuck #they had a chance to maybe get into the kingdoms more dubious past concerning the sheikah and then made the sheikah barely important #and then made the yiga more of a joke instead of like. doing anything with their interesting past #no fuck you heres some all new shit that has nothing to do with what came before and the same shallow conflict and characters #theyve dipped their toes into morally dubious characters and genuinely fascinating characters and the idea that the kingdom of hyrule isnt #all that and gave more room for drawing your own conclusions and totk just hands over the most black and white experience #im playing to finish the story and finish the game i actively do not care or expect much from these characters #and it just seems like the narrative is going to bend over backwards to put hyrule as the ultimate moral good and any opposition as bad #and all but force you to accept that because it just proves that sentiment correct over and over again and its fucking bland #idk. aomething about the writing of this game fucking frustrates me esp when i think abt how past games were written #imperialist shit aside this game’s story and characters are so fucking. par for the course bland. i dont care beyond ‘oh thata charming’#i dont think about this game’s story. it doesnt make me think it just shoves events and character actions at me and moves on #fuck.#it feels like its just. telling me shit. not giving me much room to really decide for myself. zelda is good ganondorf is bad fuck nuance ig #it seems so fucking scared of being a little bit complex. this is why i say 'i miss linebeck' i miss complicated ideas and characters #just. totk seems like it REALLY wants you to have specific thoughts about these events and characters. doing everything it can to prove #the good guys right and the bad guys wrong and having pretty much no one be in between or like. anything. its all standard

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lacking-hydration · 27 days

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that postal movie is so inconsistently ok

#i watched the last like. ten minutes of it cos i know most of the boobie is done by then its just like. blood n guns whatever #and like. i almost kinda get the vague impression of what they're trying to satirize #yknow?#and i still think the dude's monologue of just 'CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG' immediately being shot down is. im not gonna sit here and #cal it poignant but i GET it i think its funny and i think maybe you could argue theres something there about how arbitrarily willing human #are to just kill each other instead of trying to work things out #hence the ending #and i think maybe the stuff with the US nuking themselves to clense out the 'terrorists' would work better if they werent already like #literal villians in the film i feel like the satire is lost when you start punching down like that i think the whole point the movie was #'trying to make' about how nine eleven was jsut a tragedy and not some grand justification for our overseas .massacring. doesn't work so #well when you've also got to throw in a bunch of 'terrorists' as your set of bad guys. you know?#also i dont care chris coppola is really entertaining as richie i HATE THAT GUY #also i lost my mind when the IRS actually called him 'david clark' i was like OH SO THAT IS HIS ACTUAL NAME GET UP #postal dude and faith could have been fun if faith had been in the movie for more than two fucking scenes before. but WHATEVER #WE DONT HAVE TIME TO DEVELOP OUR CHARACTERS RELATIONSHIP WE NEED TO HAVE CUTAWAY VIOLENCE/BIGOTRY JOKE NUMBER 334835345 #consider the following

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volivolition · 1 month

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what's the theme you're fucking going for here voliiii!!! what are you fucking getting at!!! what are you trying to say, what's the point??

#still working on this drama chapter in Swept Up. they're. confusing to work with? from an empathy standpoint at least.#skill who is trying to honestly understand the other skills VS skill who is just always lying and putting on an act.#and then theres the whole thing that im not going to spoil yet but the dynamic. fuck man. i dont even know what im trying to say here #lying is bad? no i dont care about that. honest communication is important maybe? i feel like i need a central theme for this.#and i dont want the theme to be ''empathy good'' because low-empathy people are also good and i love them!! and also:#empathy is a flawed character!! i try to portray this. i dont like moralism/centrism which empathy believes in and is the main skill for #empathy you stupid centralist (affectionate) i know this is just because you don't know how to make everyone happy. who can fix this?#you dont think you can fix this! you feel too much debilitating sadness to make meaningful change!! responsibilite to others more capable #still. i do depict empathy as often kind on a small level because i think that's in character. empathy just helps you understand.#i guess this fic is also a ''empathy doesn't mean kindness. kindness is a choice you can make afterwards but empathy just means empathy''#but that's not a centralizing theme that all the chapters share. its also about vulnerability and the mortifying ordeal of being known #urgh. i'll think about it some more. knowing me its probably another ''love (in all forms) is the meaning to life'' type story lmao <3 #i need to make a skill chart for this harry. all i know is that Volition is his skill signature but Empathy is his highest stat #hyper-empathetic harry with the rsd that comes from adhd!! haha!! suffering. everybody fucking hate you. this is based on me btw lmao #i was working on voli's chapter which has a flashback and child empathy! new to the mindspace looking out through harry's eyes and crying #the world is full of sad people and it's just too much for a lil guy! the backstory i have planned for this like. huh okay. wild. anyway!!#oh shit ive made a fucking breakthrough with the drama chapter. its not a theme but its something i figured out at least. we stay winning!!#chemi chats #task: swept up

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girlwiththegreenhat · 2 months

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you ever hate on something you've never played/watched/read for what are still moderately good reasons given the circumstances, and then decide to go and play/watch/read the thing just to be fair. just to give it a chance

and then you were not only Right but its Worse Somehow and you're actually just more pissed off now

#liz blogs #vocaloid #this post is about project se\\kai. what a garbage ass replacement of project diva oh my god #i dont care about any of these random ass teenagers why does my vocaloid game have all these other guys in it #why are there 238928934 currencies why does it take so long to unlock new songs its just all too much and so convoluted #i wanted a rhythm game not a rhythm game that takes a backseat to visual novel and gacha game and watch 3298 ads #GET THIS OTHER BULLSHIT OUTTA HERE #i thought rhythm game on a touchscreen was a bad enough idea but i wanted to be FAIR because project diva doesnt get updated anymore #even though that was THE vocaloid game for a fucking decade and they replaced it with hot flaming dogshit oh my god #its just every other fucking mobile game im gonna start biting people #im in my Hater Year but i'm actually fucking right about everything aaaAAAAAAAAA #and look. i didn't play it for too long because it was just too fucking annoying and overwhelming. but it seems like you can only #play x amount of songs in a day before you run out of energy. which you need to Buy #you get more when you level up! it recharges! but it seems that it takes longer and longer to do that #thts the only Complaint i have that i cant actually verify because i would need to play longer and i am Not doing that #but if im right. thats the biggest load of shit of all #just go back to making project diva games. let me pay for the game so i can play interrupted without all this other BS in my face #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #the like... two little visual novel bits i saw that Just had vocaloids in them were cute. i will be real with u. but who are these like #six teams of random ass teenagers i dont know and dont care about. why did u put non vocaloids in da vocaloid game. are you nuts #maybe i just need to figure out how to mod project diva cuz at this point lord knows theyre not doing anything else with it #if you wanted to have other characters sega do u know how many Other vocaloids there are. you didnt have to invent random boring teenagers #pullin a fuckin transformers and backseating your Title Characters to a bunch of random ass humans im not here for #except you charlie watson from bumblebee i love you mwah

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lokh · 10 months

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hearing someone else (the dog groomer) validate every concern i had about the dogs that my parents kept putting off becos. idk they couldnt be bothered and didnt want to spend money. well it made me want to punch things but im good now

#i didnt think id have to tell them they need to be brushed but apparently i did.#i said something looked wrong with their ears they said google it its probably fine #i said somethings wrong with their skin they said probably fine.#it SOUNDS LIKE YOU DONT WANT A FUCKING DOG AND THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I THOUGHT WOULD HAPPEN #this is why i didnt want dogs and then they keep insisting No you guys are the ones that wanted dogs #like no. who has the car. who paid. who looked for the dogs. like at every stage it was Their Decision and they could have said no #but they got it becos in their heads their obligations ended at paying for their food.#anyway. again im significantly calmer right now i know unbelievable but ive had really bad moments.#and i wont reiterate my thoughts during that time here. but suffice it to say i already knew #that i did not have the wherewithal to take care of a dog in addition to myself #and yet here i am. and im ready to kill Something over it #all because No one wants to drive to the fucking vet.

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hecksupremechips · 1 year

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I’m about to sound like the worlds biggest idiot but I need to say it anyways. It absolutely baffles me that the majority of the persona fanbase only cares about the "waifus" and not like the actual plot or characters

#persona #saying this aloud is so stupid its like the persona fanbase is a bunch of douchey straight guys of course thats what they care about #its like going to a bbq and then being appalled that people are eating meat #YET HERE I AM #i mean eh i dont think this is like a big tumblr problem since all the gay fans are here but elsewhere #like they act like the only point of the games is getting a gf #and no one judges the female characters based on anything but how big of a ‘waifu’ they are #like the romance part of the game has so much emphasis and its not even good im sorry #you get like 5 maximum moments with a female character where her entire personality is reduced to BLUSH #and thats it #though i guess thats all you need when youre a piece of shit persona fan #still its just weird to me like bitch if you wanna romance people just play a fucking dating sim itll be better #like if i say i like ann for example some dumbass will be like ‘SHES NOT EVEN A GOOD WAIFU YOU HAVE BAD TASTE’#bitch you know you can like. enjoy a female character without wanting to fuck her right #what did i expect though 😞#its absurd behavior regardless

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monsterbisexual · 6 months

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thinking abt saw was not part of the plan when i watched it