#I dont want to be famous I just want people to enjoy what I provide

[naito-kitsune]

Vent rant #0000001 (expect a lot of these)

I don't know man. I feel like an attention hungry cat sometimes, like I want attention despite the fact that no one knows who I am. Its led me to do some terrible stuff for that attention. Now here I am on a humble account on a humble website. I just want to stay like this now. Unnoticed, free to do whatever, and say whatever y'know.

Swear this feels like an omen for my cancelation in the future.

[flwrstqr]

∿ LOVE ON THE SPOT — PARK SUNGHOON

preview. › you, a world-renowned oscar-winning actor known for your exceptional talent, and sunghoon, a celebrated formula 1 driver, find yourselves entangled in an unexpected fake marriage. at an extravagant party, your parents announce an arranged marriage to a man you despise. desperate to escape, you impulsively point to sunghoon, a random stranger in the room, and claim to be married to him. as sunghoon plays along and you navigate this fake marriage, could genuine feelings develop from such an impulsive decision?

meet the cast. f1 driver!sunghoon x actor fem!reader (feat noh yunah from illit + cho miyeon from gidle + hyung line of enhypen + other cos)

genre. fake marriage, strangers to lovers, opposites attract, slightly enemies to lovers, angst, fluff, romance, medium fic, crack, angst

word count. 13k+

warnings. cursing, partying, drinking, profanity (no nsfw or smut), lots of bickering between them, sunghoon being very cold in the fic, fighting, yn being drunk, kissing, small grammar errors

danielle's note 𖥔 i really wanted to write an f1 racing au but like even tho i dont really watch f1. but I LOVEE f1 aus,, theyre js so hot yk!!! (and this fic is for my sunghoon girls!!!! wink wink im looking at u jenni) so i hope u guys enjoy this :333 also ignore how its like lowercase than uppercase cause i wrote this for 1 week..

﹙⠀ PLAYiNG . . . bad boy by red velvet, woke up by xg, break up with you girlfriend by ariana grande, so american by olivia rodrigo, like that by baby monster, the great mermaid by lesserafim

YOU'VE BEEN IN SPOTLIGHT FOR AS LONG AS YOU CAN REMEMBER. YN LN in another movie and killing it. The world knows your name, your face, your every move. A famous actor, adored by millions, you’ve mastered the art of charm on-screen and off. Cameras flash wherever you go, and you’ve become a professional at smiling through it all.

Then there’s Sunghoon, the world-renowned F1 driver. Where your world revolves around precision under the watchful eyes of fans, his is all speed and adrenaline. He’s intense, reckless even, living life on the edge at 200 miles per hour. Headlines scream his victories, and you’d think he’d be like every other celebrity you’ve met—full of ego (well has high ego somewhat). But Sunghoon is different.

You’re polar opposites, and everyone knows it. You, poised and polished, carefully calculated in the public eye. Him, unpredictable and wild.

Yet, somehow, your paths crossed, and despite the differences, there’s an undeniable pull between you two. Maybe it's just a play or an act. Or maybe, just maybe, opposites do attract.

THE PARTY WAS BUZZING WITH ENERGY—celebrities everywhere, people laughing, glasses clinking, and the music providing a backdrop to the scene. You stood with Miyeon and Yunah, doing your best to enjoy yourself despite feeling like you'd rather be anywhere else.

“Why do we keep coming to these things?” you sighed, taking a sip of your drink.

Miyeon grinned. “Because you only live once,”

Yunah laughed. “And because there’s always a story by the end of the night.”

You were about to respond when you felt a sudden dread creep up your spine. From the corner of your eye, you saw him—Youngdae. The boy you’d hated since forever. He was strutting towards you with that insufferable smirk on his face, looking entirely too pleased with himself.

You groaned. “Great, here we go.”

Miyeon followed your gaze and rolled her eyes. “Ugh, of course he’s here.”

“I swear he has a radar for wherever you are,” Yunah muttered under her breath.

Before you could brace yourself, Youngdae was already in front of you, flashing that arrogant smile you’d come to hate. “YN, looking stunning as always,” he smirked, leaning a little too close.

You took a step back, barely suppressing an eye roll. “What do you want, Youngdae?”

He chuckled, clearly not picking up on your disinterest. “I just wanted to say hello. Maybe catch up. You know, we could make a great pair, if you gave me a chance.”

Miyeon sighed dramatically and rolled her eyes along with you. “Can you just not?"

Youngdae shot her a look before refocusing his attention on you. “Come on, YN. Why keep fighting it? You and I—”

“Are never going to happen,” Yunah interrupted, stepping between you and Youngdae with a firm hand on his chest. “Back off.”

Youngdae frowned but didn’t push it. He simply shrugged and gave you one last wink before walking away.

“Ugh, he’s so persistent,” Miyeon grumbled as she turned to you. “How do you deal with him?”

“I don’t,” you replied with a soft laughter. “I just survive.”

But just as you were about to relax, you saw your parents making their way toward you. Your mom was smiling, your dad looking pleased as ever. You knew that look. They were up to something.

“There you are, sweetheart!” your mom said brightly, her eyes sparkling with excitement. “We’ve been looking all over for you.”

Your dad smiled beside her, looking equally pleased. “We have some news.”

You raised an eyebrow, wary of whatever was coming. “What news?”

“Well,” your mom began, glancing between you and your friends, “we’ve found you a date. Finally!”

Your stomach dropped. “What?”

Your dad nodded as though this was the best thing in the world. “Yes, with Youngdae. His family is very well connected, and we think—”

“No,” you said, your voice rising slightly. “Absolutely not. There’s no way.”

Your mom blinked, looking surprised by your reaction. “What do you mean? He’s a very eligible young man.”

You stammered, trying to find a way out “I… I… I’m already seeing someone!”

Both your parents stared at you, confusion written across their faces. “You are?” your dad asked, eyes narrowing slightly.

“Yes,” you lied quickly, panic bubbling inside you. “I’ve been seeing someone for a while now, actually.”

Your mom looked intrigued. “Who?”

You swallowed hard, desperately scanning the crowd for someone to point to, just to get out of this mess. Your eyes landed on a guy standing by the bar—a tall figure with dark hair and sharp features. You didn’t recognize him at all, but he looked like he could play the part for a moment.

Hastily, you pointed in his direction. “Him. Over there. He’s… he’s my boyfriend.”

Your parents followed your gaze, squinting toward the bar. Your mom’s eyes widened slightly. “Are you talking about him?”

You nodded, still pointing even though you felt like you were spiraling further into this ridiculous situation. “Yes, we’ve been together for a while now.”

Miyeon was choking on her drink at this point, and Yunah gave you a look like you’d completely lost your mind.

Your dad frowned a little. “Who is he? What’s his name?”

You paused, suddenly realizing you didn’t even know the guy’s name. “Oh, uh… his name is…”

Miyeon whispered urgently beside you, “Don’t make it worse. His name is Sunghoon,”

You repeated,“Sunghoon. Yes Sunghoon.”

Your parents exchanged a glance, and your mom raised an eyebrow. “Sunghoon? You mean the F1 driver?”

Your heart stopped. What? You had no idea. You quickly played along, though, trying to keep your voice steady. “Yes, that’s him. We’ve been keeping things quiet because, you know… the press and all that.”

Your dad looked skeptical, but your mom seemed delighted. “Well, why didn’t you say anything sooner? This is big news!”

Your mind raced, trying to think of a way out of this conversation. “We were waiting for the right time.”

“And when did he propose?” your mom asked, clearly hooked on the story now.

You mentally cursed yourself for making it worse. “Yesterday! Yes, he proposed yesterday. It’s all very new.”

Your parents nodded thoughtfully, clearly pleased with the idea. “Well, we’ll have to meet him properly later,” your dad said. “But for now, we’re glad you’ve found someone.”

Your mom smiled warmly. “We’ll leave you to enjoy your night, darling. But make sure we meet him soon.”

And just like that, they were gone, leaving you standing there in stunned silence.

Miyeon burst out laughing as soon as they were out of earshot. “Oh my god, that was insane.”

Yunah was shaking her head, still in disbelief. “Do you even know who Sunghoon is?”

You groaned, rubbing your temples. “I have no idea.”

Miyeon grinned, looking like she was thoroughly enjoying this. “Well, you just told your parents you’re marrying one of the most famous F1 drivers in the world. Good luck with that.”

Your heart sank as you glanced over at the guy you’d pointed to. He still hadn’t noticed anything, thank god, but now you were stuck in the biggest lie of your life.

How were you going to get out of this one?

THE PARTY CONTINUED AROUND YOU, the air buzzing with conversation and the occasional laughter. The idea of approaching the guy you had claimed as your “boyfriend” was now looming over you like a dark cloud. Miyeon and Yunah had been laughing about it all night.

“Okay,” you muttered under your breath, straightening your dress. “He's my future husband.”

You caught sight of Sunghoon at the bar again—still tall, still effortlessly cool, and completely unaware of the situation you had dragged him into. Taking a deep breath, you steeled yourself and made your way over, trying to act casual as you pretended to be interested in getting a drink.

"One tequila please," you smiled at the bartender.

As you approached, he glanced at you briefly, then immediately looked away, not even acknowledging your presence. You awkwardly stood next to him, waiting for him to say something, but all you got was silence.

“So… uh, hey,” you started, your voice a little too high-pitched from the nerves. “How’s it going?”

Sunghoon barely glanced at you, his expression flat as he responded, “Fine.”

You blinked, not expecting him to be so cold. You cleared your throat, trying again. “So, I’ve noticed you’ve been hanging around the bar a lot. Are you enjoying the party?”

He sighed, clearly uninterested. “Look, I’m not really here to make friends nor do I know you.”

Your smile faltered as you realized this was going to be harder than you thought. “Oh, no, I wasn’t—” You cut yourself off, feeling a bit foolish. You tried to laugh it off, but it came out awkward. “I was just trying to, you know, start a conversation…”

Sunghoon didn’t even bother to look at you this time. “I’m not interested in whatever this is,” he said bluntly, taking a sip of his drink and turning his back to you slightly, as if dismissing the conversation altogether.

Great, this was going really well.

Before you could think of another way, you heard your mom’s voice calling your name. You looked up in panic to see your parents making their way over, all smiles and clearly excited to meet the man you had so boldly claimed as your fiancé.

You felt your heart leap into your throat. There was no turning back now.

With no other choice, you quickly reached out and grabbed Sunghoon’s arm, yanking him closer to you with a forced smile plastered on your face. “Oh, there you are!” you said brightly, doing your best to make it sound natural. “I was just telling them about how we’re, you know… together.”

Sunghoon stiffened under your touch, his eyes darting between you and your parents, confusion written all over his face. “What—?”

You discreetly stepped on his foot, hard, causing him to wince and bite his lip in pain. You shot him a quick, pleading look, hoping he’d catch on.

“Just play along,” you whispered harshly under your breath, your smile never faltering.

He looked at you for a long moment, clearly irritated, but finally sighed, giving in. “Yeah, yeah,” he muttered, his tone reluctant. “We’re, uh, together.”

Your parents beamed, completely oblivious to the tension between the two of you. Your mom reached out to shake Sunghoon’s hand enthusiastically. “It’s such a pleasure to finally meet you, Sunghoon! We’ve heard so much about you.”

Sunghoon forced a tight smile, his arm still trapped in your grip. “Yeah… same here.”

Your dad patted him on the back, grinning. “You’re quite the catch! Our YN is lucky to have you.”

You could feel Sunghoon’s frustration simmering beneath the surface, but he kept his expression in check. “Lucky, right,” he mumbled through gritted teeth.

You stepped on his foot again, a little less hard this time, and leaned into him slightly, trying to keep up appearances. “Isn’t he just the best?” you cooed, practically cringing at how fake you sounded.

Sunghoon glanced at you with a pained expression, but he played along, his voice strained. “Yeah… I’m great.”

Your parents couldn’t have been more delighted. “Well, we’ll leave you two lovebirds alone for now,” your mom said with a wink. “But don’t think you’re getting out of dinner with us soon! We need to celebrate this engagement properly.”

You forced another bright smile as they walked away, your stomach churning with dread at the thought of dinner with your parents—and Sunghoon, of all people.

As soon as your parents were out of sight, you let go of Sunghoon’s arm and stepped back, giving him an apologetic look. “I’m really sorry about all of that,” you said quickly. “I didn’t mean to drag you into this, I just—”

Sunghoon held up a hand, cutting you off. “Save it,” he said, his voice clipped. “Just don’t step on my foot again.”

You bit your lip, feeling a little guilty, but also relieved that the worst was over. “I’ll make it up to you, I swear,” you said, trying to sound sincere.

He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “You owe me big time,” he muttered before turning to leave, shaking his head.

A FEW DAYS HAD PASSED SINCE THE PARTY INCIDENT, but the chaos you’d caused still lingered in Sunghoon’s mind. He found himself in the garage with his friends, Jay, Jake, and Heeseung, leaning against his sleek, black sports car as they all casually chatted about their lives. Sunghoon was half-listening, his mind elsewhere, until Jake asked him something that brought him back to reality.

“So, are you going to be in the next race?” Jake asked, wiping his hands on a rag after tinkering with his car.

Sunghoon shrugged. “I haven’t decided yet.”

Heeseung raised an eyebrow. “What’s up with you lately? You’ve been distracted since that party.”

Sunghoon stared at the concrete floor for a moment before casually blurting out, “I’m dating or engaged. Or… something.”

The garage fell into silence. Jay, who had been leaning against a workbench, immediately turned to face Sunghoon with wide eyes. “What?”

Jake looked like he had just swallowed his tongue, blinking at Sunghoon like he hadn’t heard correctly. Heeseung, who was tightening a bolt on his engine, froze mid-motion, his wrench slipping from his grip and clattering to the ground.

“Dude,” Jay said slowly, standing up straight. “Are you serious right now? Did you just say you got engaged?”

Sunghoon scratched the back of his neck, looking both tired and mildly amused at their reactions. “Yeah… or something like that.”

“What do you mean ‘something like that’?” Jake demanded, clearly confused. “Since when are you even dating anyone?”

Sunghoon sighed, leaning further back against his car as he explained, “It’s complicated. Some girl at the party basically told her parents we’re engaged because she was trying to get out of a situation, and I got dragged into it.”

Heeseung let out a low whistle. “Wait, so you’re fake engaged?”

“Pretty much,” Sunghoon said, rubbing his temples like the whole thing gave him a headache.

Jay shook his head, still in disbelief. “That doesn’t even sound real, man. Who is this girl?”

“I don’t even know her that well,” Sunghoon admitted, sounding exasperated. “Her name’s YN,”

Heeseung blinked. “Wait, YN LN?”

“Yeah,” Sunghoon confirmed. “That’s the one.”

Jay nearly choked on his own spit. “You’re telling me you’re fake engaged to the YN LN? The one who’s all over the headlines?”

Sunghoon raised an eyebrow. “She’s all over the headlines?”

Jake laughed incredulously, leaning against his car for support. “Dude, how do you not know that? She’s, like, one of the biggest actors right now. ”

Sunghoon rolled his eyes. “I don’t pay attention to that stuff. All I know is that she’s got her parents convinced that we’re together, and now I have to figure out how to get out of this without causing a massive scene.”

Jay shook his head, still grinning. “This is insane. You, of all people, caught up in some fake engagement with a celebrity.”

Heeseung smirked. “You’ve been in some high-speed races before, but this might be the wildest thing you’ve ever gotten into.”

Sunghoon groaned, crossing his arms over his chest. “Tell me about it. And the worst part is, her parents think I’m some perfect gentleman or something. They’re probably planning the wedding already.”

Jake chuckled, nudging Sunghoon with his elbow. “Well, look at the bright side—you’ve always been good under pressure. This is just another challenge.”

Sunghoon shot him a look. “Yeah, but this isn’t a race. This is someone’s life we’re talking about.”

Jay grinned. “And yours, apparently.”

Sunghoon sighed again, feeling the weight of the situation settling on him once more. “I’m just trying to figure out how to handle it without causing a mess. I don’t even know why I agreed to go along with it in the first place. Plus, I don't know this girl.”

Heeseung patted him on the back, smirking. “Maybe you just didn’t want to let the girl down. Sounds like you’re already some hero,”

Sunghoon shot him a deadpan look. “Yeah, sure. That’s exactly what I’m going for.”

Jay laughed. “Well, good luck, man. Just try not to end up accidentally married before you figure out how to get out of this.”

Sunghoon rolled his eyes but couldn’t help the small smile tugging at his lips. “Thanks for the advice,” he said dryly with a hint of sarcasm. “I’ll be sure to avoid that.”

MIYEON AND YUNAH DRAGGED YOU OUT TO A STREET RACE. you weren’t exactly in the mood for it, but they insisted, pulling you along with promises of fun and a chance to clear your mind (and meet your so-said husband). engines roared, and the night was alive with the sound of revving motors and the sharp smell of gasoline.

as you scanned the area, your eyes landed on a familiar figure leaning casually against a sleek, black car. sunghoon. he looked as cool and composed as ever, his hands shoved into the pockets of his leather jacket, eyes scanning the crowd with a bored expression. when his gaze finally met yours, his face twisted into a look of irritation, and he rolled his eyes dramatically.

of course he would be here, you thought. but you knew you needed to talk to him about the upcoming dinner. miyeon and yunah noticed your sudden change in demeanor and shot you questioning looks, but you brushed them off, telling them you'd be back in a minute.

you made your way over to where sunghoon was standing. he didn’t bother to move as you approached, just watched you with that same indifferent, slightly irritated expression.

“sunghoon,” you started, trying to keep your voice steady, “we need to talk.”

he raised an eyebrow, clearly uninterested. “about what?” he asked, his tone dripping with disinterest.

“about the dinner,” you replied, not backing down despite his attitude. “my parents want us to be there together.”

sunghoon let out an exaggerated sigh, rolling his eyes again. “can’t you just tell your parents we got into some argument and divorced or something?” he said coldly, his voice laced with sarcasm.

you clenched your fists, trying to keep your cool. “no, i can’t do that, sunghoon. it’s already confirmed. my parents are planning a wedding.”

for a moment, sunghoon’s expression faltered, a flash of something unreadable crossing his face. but just as quickly as it appeared, it was gone, replaced by his usual cold look “a wedding?” he repeated, as if the word itself was foreign to him. “are you serious?”

“dead serious,” you replied, “they think we’re the perfect match or something. and they’re not taking no for an answer.”

sunghoon ran a hand through his hair, clearly frustrated. “this is ridiculous,” he muttered under his breath, though it was loud enough for you to hear. “so what? we’re supposed to just play along with this charade? pretend like everything’s fine?”

“i don’t see any other option,” you said, “if we don’t, they’ll just make things worse. we need to figure out how to handle this.”

sunghoon didn’t respond right away, his gaze drifting away from you as he stared off into the distance, lost in thought. after a moment, he pulled out his phone and held it out to you, his expression unreadable. “give me your number,” he said, his tone more resigned than anything.

you blinked, slightly taken aback by his sudden change in attitude, but quickly recovered, pulling out your own phone and exchanging numbers with him. the whole interaction felt strange, like you were stepping into unfamiliar territory.

“i’ll text you the details,” you said, trying to keep the conversation moving. “we’ll figure out a plan.”

sunghoon nodded, slipping his phone back into his pocket. for a brief moment, it almost seemed like the tension between you two had eased, but then he spoke again, his voice back to its usual coldness. “just don’t expect me to play nice,” he warned, his eyes narrowing slightly. “i’m not doing this for you. i’m doing this to get them off my back.”

THE NIGHT OF THE DINNER ARRIVED FATER THAN YOU ANTICIPATED, and before you knew it, you found yourself standing outside your parents’ house with sunghoon by your side. the two of you looked like the perfect couple, at least on the surface. you were both dressed impeccably—sunghoon in a sharp black suit (for the first time) and you in a simple, black dress that your mom had insisted you wear.

as you walked up to the front door, you forced a smile, hoping it didn’t look as strained as it felt. “remember, just play along,” you whispered to sunghoon as you reached for the doorbell.

sunghoon sighed, barely masking his irritation. “yeah, yeah, i know the drill.”

the door swung open almost immediately, and you were greeted by your mother’s beaming face. “oh, there they are! my favorite couple,” she gushed, pulling you both into a tight hug. sunghoon stiffened beside you, clearly uncomfortable with the affectionate display, but he managed to return your mother’s smile.

“hi, mom,” you said, your voice a little too bright. “we’re here.”

“come in, come in!” she insisted, ushering you both inside. “dinner’s almost ready. your father’s been looking forward to this all week.”

as you entered the dining room, the smell of home-cooked food filled the air, mingling with the scent of fresh flowers. everything was arranged, from the perfectly folded napkins to the silverware.

“you two look wonderful,” your dad remarked, giving you both an approving nod as he took his seat at the head of the table. “it’s nice to finally have a proper family dinner.”

sunghoon flashed a polite smile, though you could tell he was barely holding back his annoyance. “thanks, sir. we’re happy to be here.”

you shot him a quick glance, impressed by his ability to keep up the act, even if it was just barely. every time your parents asked about your “relationship,” you forced a smile and nodded along with whatever sunghoon said, even when he was being sarcastic.

“so, how did you two meet?” your mom asked, her eyes sparkling with curiosity.

“it was... quite the story,” you began, trying to come up with something that wouldn’t sound too ridiculous.

sunghoon leaned back in his chair, smirking slightly. “yeah, she practically threw herself at me,” he said with a teasing tone that made you want to kick him under the table.

“oh, did she now?” your dad chuckled, clearly amused.

you felt your cheeks flush, but you kept your composure, forcing a laugh. “he’s exaggerating, of course,” you said, giving sunghoon a pointed look. “we met through mutual friends.”

sunghoon shrugged, his smirk never leaving his face. “something like that.”

sunghoon seemed to take every opportunity to make subtle jabs at you, whether it was a sarcastic comment about your habits or a teasing remark about your so-called relationship. it took everything in you not to snap at him in front of your parents.

finally, after what felt like an eternity, your parents excused themselves to the kitchen, leaving you and sunghoon alone at the table. the moment they were out of earshot, you turned to him, your fake smile dropping instantly.

“do you have to be such a jerk?” you hissed, keeping your voice low.

sunghoon rolled his eyes, leaning forward with an exasperated sigh. “i’m just trying to get through this as quickly as possible. it’s not my fault your parents are so nosy.”

“they’re not nosy, they’re just... interested,” you retorted, though even you could hear how weak your argument sounded. “and you don’t have to be so sarcastic all the time.”

“and you don’t have to be so uptight,” sunghoon shot back, his eyes narrowing. “seriously, you act like this is the end of the world.”

“maybe because it feels like it,” you snapped, crossing your arms over your chest. “i didn’t ask for any of this, sunghoon.”

“neither did i,” he countered, his voice cold. “but here we are.”

before you could respond, you heard footsteps approaching, and you quickly plastered a fake smile back on your face. sunghoon did the same, though his expression looked more like a grimace than anything else.

your parents reentered the room, both of them carrying trays of dessert. “hope you two saved room for dessert!” your mom chimed, setting the trays down on the table.

“of course,” sunghoon replied smoothly, his tone completely different from the one he’d used just moments ago. he even managed to let out a laugh, though it sounded forced to your ears. you joined in, though your own laughter felt hollow.

as the evening finally came to a close, you stood by the door with sunghoon, thanking your parents for the dinner. they were both smiling, clearly satisfied with how the night had gone.

“thanks for coming,” your mom said, giving you both a warm hug. “we’ll have to do this again sometime.”

“definitely,” you lied, forcing another smile. “we’ll let you know.”

as soon as you were out the door, you let out a long sigh, the tension leaving your body all at once. sunghoon walked beside you in silence, his expression unreadable.

“thanks for playing along,” you said quietly, not really expecting a response.

sunghoon glanced at you, his eyes softening slightly. “yeah, well, don’t get used to it,” he muttered, though there was less bite in his tone than before.

YOU WERE IN THE MIDDLE OF A BUSY SHOOT when one of your co-workers approached you with a grin. “hey, we’re planning a party for yunjin’s birthday this weekend! you should totally come,” they said, excitement bubbling in their voice.

you paused, considering it for a moment. parties weren’t really your thing; you preferred quieter, more intimate gatherings. (despite you saying that you were some "extrovert). but you didn’t want to seem like a killjoy, especially since you’d been getting along well with the rest of the crew. “hmm, sure,” you replied, trying to sound enthusiastic.

your co-worker beamed. “great! it’s gonna be a lot of fun. oh, and by the way, it’s a plus-one kind of thing. you can bring a friend… or your boyfriend.” they winked at you, clearly teasing.

you managed a small laugh, though inside, you were already feeling the pressure. “oh, okay,” you said, keeping your tone light. but as they walked away, the reality of the situation began to sink in. a plus-one. great.

back in your dressing room, you slumped into a chair, staring at your phone. you were part of a close-knit trio of friends, and the idea of inviting just one of them felt wrong. how could you choose between them? you knew if you invited one, the other would inevitably feel left out. the last thing you wanted was to create tension among your friends.

hours passed, and you found yourself going back and forth in your mind. should you just skip the party altogether? but then again, you’d already said yes, and backing out now would seem weird. besides, yunjin was nice, and you didn’t want to disappoint her.

finally, an idea began to take shape in your mind. it wasn’t ideal, but it might be the simplest solution. with a resigned sigh, you decided to invite sunghoon. after all, you owed him for putting up with your parents’ dinner, and this could be a way to pay him back. besides, it wasn’t like you were going to have a good time anyway—might as well drag him along.

you typed out a quick message and hesitated for a moment before hitting send.

hey, there’s this party for one of my co-workers. it’s a plus-one thing. wanna come?

it didn’t take long for his reply to come through.

fine. don’t expect me to stay for long, though.

you rolled your eyes at the screen, but a small smile tugged at the corner of your lips. typical sunghoon. at least he agreed to go, which took some of the pressure off you. you quickly texted back a simple thanks, and put your phone away, trying not to overthink the whole thing.

THE BAR WAS ALIVE WITH ENERGY as you stepped inside with sunghoon by your side. people were packed together on the dance floor. laughter and chatter filled the air, mingling with the clinking of glasses and the occasional burst of a drunken cheer. couples were scattered around, some dancing close, others tucked away in corners, stealing kisses that made you roll your eyes.

“this place is… lively,” sunghoon muttered, his eyes scanning the crowd.

“yeah, it’s a party,” you replied with a slight shrug, though you couldn’t help but feel a bit out of place. you weren’t exactly the party type, and neither was sunghoon, which made the whole situation feel a little surreal.

deciding to get a drink to ease the tension, you made your way over to the bar, sunghoon following closely behind. the bartender barely glanced at you as he took your order, quickly mixing up a couple of drinks and sliding them across the counter. you grabbed your glass, taking a sip of the cool liquid, hoping it would help you relax.

sunghoon took a swig of his drink, his expression unreadable. “so, how long do we have to stay here?” he asked, his voice low enough that only you could hear.

“just a little while,” you replied, trying not to sound too eager to leave. “it’s yunjin’s birthday. i can’t just disappear after showing up.”

sunghoon sighed but didn’t argue, taking another drink instead. just as you were about to take another sip, you heard a familiar voice call out your name.

“oh my god, y/n!” yunjin’s voice rang out, full of excitement as she made her way over to you. she looked gorgeous, her outfit sparkling under the bar’s dim lights. “i’m so glad you came!” she exclaimed, wrapping you in a quick hug.

“of course,” you replied, returning her hug with a smile. “happy birthday!”

as yunjin pulled away, her eyes drifted over to sunghoon, and her expression shifted from excitement to shock. “wait a minute… are you with the famous f1 driver, sunghoon?!” she nearly squealed, her eyes wide with disbelief.

sunghoon gave her a polite nod, a small smile playing on his lips. “that would be me,” he said, his tone smooth and calm as ever.

yunjin’s mouth dropped open in awe, clearly starstruck. “i can’t believe this! i didn’t know you were engaged to him, y/n!” she exclaimed.

“uh, yeah… we go way back,” you said awkwardly, trying to keep the conversation light. yunjin was too caught up in her excitement to notice your discomfort, though, as she quickly introduced herself to sunghoon, gushing about how much she admired his career.

sunghoon handled it with grace, his usual cool demeanor never faltering. you watched the interaction with a mixture of amusement and mild irritation—sunghoon always seemed so effortless in social situations, even when he clearly didn’t want to be there.

after a few more minutes of chatting, yunjin finally excused herself to mingle with other guests, leaving you and sunghoon alone again. you downed the rest of your drink in one gulp.

“she seems nice,” sunghoon commented, his tone neutral as he sipped his drink.

“yeah, she’s great,” you agreed, though your mind was elsewhere. you could still feel the lingering stares from some of the other partygoers who had noticed sunghoon’s presence. it wasn’t every day that a famous athlete showed up at a regular birthday party, after all.

as the night wore on, you found yourself relaxing a little, the alcohol helping to take the edge off your nerves. you and sunghoon stayed near the bar, occasionally chatting about nothing in particular. but just as you were starting to feel comfortable, disaster struck.

you reached for another drink, but your hand wobbled, and before you knew it, the glass tipped over, spilling its contents all over your dress. you let out a startled gasp, staring down at the growing stain on your outfit.

“fuck,” you muttered, feeling a flush of embarrassment rise to your cheeks. without thinking, you quickly excused yourself and made trip to the bathroom, hoping to save your dress before the stain set in.

as you stood in front of the mirror, dabbing at the stain with a paper towel, the bathroom door swung open, and sunghoon stepped inside. you glanced up, surprised to see him there.

“what are you doing?” you asked.

“what does it look like? helping,” sunghoon replied, grabbing another paper towel and joining you at the sink. his presence was a little too close for comfort, his arm brushing against yours as he leaned in to inspect the damage.

“i can handle it,” you insisted, though you didn’t move away.

“clearly,” he said dryly, his lips curving into a slight smirk as he continued to blot the stain. the scent of his cologne filled the small space, a mix of something clean and crisp that was distinctly him. it made your heart skip a beat, though you tried to ignore it.

“you didn’t have to follow me in here, you know,” you muttered, focusing on the task at hand.

“someone had to make sure you didn’t completely ruin your dress,” he retorted, his tone teasing. “besides, it’s not like i was having a great time out there.”

you rolled your eyes but couldn’t suppress a small smile. “you’re such a pessimist.”

“and you’re such a klutz,” he shot back. for a moment, the bickering felt almost normal, like you weren’t two people stuck in a fake marriage.

as you continued to dab at the stain, your hands occasionally brushed against each other, and you became acutely aware of how close sunghoon was standing to you. the small bathroom seemed to shrink around you.

“you know, you didn’t have to invite me to this,” sunghoon said after a moment, his voice quieter now. “i’m sure you could’ve brought someone you actually like.”

“don’t flatter yourself,” you replied, though there was a hint of playfulness in your tone. “i figured this was a good way to pay you back for that dinner. besides, i couldn’t just pick one friend to invite. it felt… wrong.”

sunghoon glanced at you, his expression softening slightly. “i get it. but still, this whole thing is just—”

“a fake marriage, yeah, i know,” you cut in, a bit more bitterly than you intended. “but we’re stuck with it, so we might as well make the best of it.”

unknown to either of you, the bathroom door had been left slightly ajar, and just outside, youngdae stood with a smug smirk on his face. he had heard every word, and as he quietly backed away, a plan began to form in his mind. he couldn’t believe his luck—overhearing something as juicy as this was too good to pass up.

as he slipped back into the crowd, unnoticed, you and sunghoon continued to bicker in the bathroom, completely unaware that your secret was no longer safe.

YOU HAD NEVER IMAGINED YOURSELF IN THSI SITUATION—standing in a bridal boutique, skimming through racks of wedding dresses with sunghoon awkwardly hovering nearby. your parents had practically forced the two of you to go dress shopping together, giving you an outrageously huge budget and insisting that sunghoon accompany you. after all, what kind of engaged couple doesn’t choose their wedding dress together?

“can’t believe i’m doing this,” sunghoon muttered under his breath, his hands shoved deep into his pockets as he stood off to the side, clearly uncomfortable.

“oh, come on,” you teased, holding up a dress with intricate lace detailing. “how bad can it be? just think of it as a chance to play dress-up.”

he rolled his eyes, though a small smile tugged at the corner of his lips. “yeah, ‘cause that’s exactly what i want to do on my day off—play dress-up.”

you ignored his sarcasm, too engrossed in the rows of dresses before you. everything sparkled and shimmered under the boutique’s soft lighting, and you couldn’t help but gasp in awe every time you pulled out a new dress. “oh my god, isn’t this one so pretty?” you exclaimed, holding up a strapless gown with a flowing tulle skirt.

sunghoon glanced at it, his expression unreadable. “yeah, it’s nice,” he said noncommittally.

“just nice?” you pouted, returning the dress to its rack. “you’re supposed to be helping me choose, you know.”

“i am helping,” he protested, though the way he stood there like a statue suggested otherwise. “i’m here, aren’t i?”

you huffed, turning back to the dresses. after a few more minutes of browsing, you finally picked out a few that caught your eye and headed to the fitting room. “okay, i’m gonna try these on. don’t go anywhere,” you instructed, pointing at him as you disappeared behind the curtain.

sunghoon sighed and leaned against the wall, arms crossed over his chest. he wasn’t sure how he ended up in this position—fake marriage or not, this felt a little too real for his liking. but as much as he wanted to be anywhere else, he couldn’t deny the slight curiosity that tugged at him as he waited for you to reappear.

a few minutes later, you stepped out of the fitting room in the first dress, a simple yet elegant gown with delicate lace sleeves. you did a little twirl, smiling at yourself in the mirror before turning to sunghoon. “what do you think?”

sunghoon’s breath caught in his throat as he looked at you. for a moment, he forgot how to speak, his usual cool demeanor slipping as he took in the sight before him. when had you become this… pretty?

he quickly schooled his expression, trying to sound indifferent. “it’s okay, i guess.”

you frowned, though not completely disappointed. “just okay? really?”

“yeah, it’s fine,” he said, averting his gaze as if the dress wasn’t making his heart race.

you sighed, but didn’t let his lackluster response dampen your mood. “well, i have a few more to try on. maybe you’ll like the next one better.”

as you disappeared back into the fitting room, sunghoon let out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding. what was wrong with him? this was just dress shopping, nothing more. yet, the image of you in that dress lingered in his mind, making it hard to focus on anything else.

a few minutes later, you emerged again, this time in a dress that was the complete opposite of the first—sleek, modern, with a plunging neckline and an open back. you looked at sunghoon expectantly, waiting for his reaction.

once again, sunghoon felt his heart skip a beat. the dress hugged your curves perfectly, accentuating every line and angle. he swallowed hard, trying to keep his voice steady. “it’s… okay too.”

you raised an eyebrow, not convinced. “that’s all you have to say? you’re not very helpful, you know.”

“they all look fine,” he insisted, though in truth, he was struggling to keep his emotions in check. every dress you tried on seemed to outshine the last, and it was becoming harder for him to maintain his usual aloofness.

you tried on a few more dresses, each one stunning in its own way, but every time you asked for his opinion, he gave the same response: “it’s okay.”

by the time you tried on the fifth dress, you were starting to get frustrated. “you literally said the same thing for the past five dresses,” you pointed out, hands on your hips as you glared at him in the mirror.

sunghoon shifted uncomfortably, feeling the weight of your stare. “well, they’re all okay, i guess…” he mumbled, avoiding your eyes.

“ugh, you’re impossible,” you groaned, though there was a hint of a smile on your lips. “at this rate, we’ll never choose a dress.”

sunghoon glanced at you, his gaze softening for a moment. “you look good in all of them,” he admitted quietly, barely loud enough for you to hear.

you paused, taken aback by his words. it wasn’t much, but coming from him, it felt like a genuine compliment. “really?” you asked, your annoyance melting away as a smile spread across your face.

sunghoon looked away, feeling a little embarrassed. “yeah, really,” he said, clearing his throat as if to cover up the sincerity in his voice.

eventually, after much thinking, you finally chose a dress—a classic, timeless gown that felt like the perfect balance between elegance and simplicity. as you stood in front of the mirror, admiring the final choice, you couldn’t help but notice the way sunghoon was looking at you. his usual stoic expression had softened, and there was something in his eyes that made your heart flutter.

“so, this is the one?” he asked, his voice oddly gentle.

“yeah,” you replied, meeting his gaze in the mirror. “this is the one.” maybe, just maybe, this fake marriage was becoming something a little more real.

YOU, MIYEON, AND YUNAH ARE SPRAWLED COMFORTABLY ON THE OVERSIZED COUCH in Miyeon’s living room, a place you've all come to consider your second house (because of how many times the three of you stay at).

Yunah is on her phone, as usual, her eyes scanning the screen rapidly. Suddenly, she pauses, her lips curling into a smirk. “Well, well, look who’s trending,” she drawls, her eyes flicking up to meet yours. “You and Sunghoon are all over the news. Everyone's saying you’re officially together.”

Miyeon perks up at this as she leans forward. “Let me see!” she says eagerly, reaching out for Yunah’s phone.

Yunah hands it over with a knowing smile. “It’s literally everywhere,” she repeats, her tone teasing but supportive. “You guys are the talk of the town.”

Miyeon’s eyes widen as she scrolls through the headlines, her fingers flying across the screen. “Wow, they’re even calling you the ‘It’ couple of the year,” she remarks, half in awe, half in disbelief. “This is huge!”

You sigh, “I knew the story would get out, but I didn’t expect it to blow up like this,” you admit, running a hand through your hair.

Yunah chuckles, nudging you playfully. “Well, you’re both celebrities in your own right. An actor and a Formula 1 driver? That’s headline gold right there.”

Miyeon hands the phone back to Yunah, turning her attention to you with a curious glint in her eye. “So, how’s it been? Pretending to be married to one of the hottest guys on the planet? Any sparks flying yet?”

You blush, recalling the moments you’ve shared with Sunghoon—the way his gaze lingers on you a little longer than necessary, the way his cologne mingles in the air, the way he complimented you at the wedding dress shop. “It’s… interesting,” you say, trying to keep your tone neutral. “We’re both just trying to play our parts and not let things get too complicated.”

“Too late for that,” Yunah quips, her eyes sparkling with mischief. “Come on, there’s gotta be something there.”

Miyeon nods enthusiastically. “Yeah, you can’t fool us. We know you too well. Besides, if you’re gonna be in the spotlight, you might as well enjoy it, right?”

You let out a small laugh, feeling the warmth of their support. “I don’t know… it’s all so confusing. One minute, it feels like we’re just playing a role, and the next, it feels… real.”

Yunah places a comforting hand on your shoulder. “Just take it one step at a time. Don’t overthink it. If it’s meant to be, it’ll happen.”

Miyeon grins, giving you an encouraging look. “And in the meantime, we’ll be here to cheer you on. Fake or not, this is your story, and you get to write the ending.”

THE NIGHT AIR WAS THICK WITH THE ENERGY of the city as you, Miyeon, and Yunah staggered out of the cozy, dimly lit bar you’d spent the evening in. The three of you had gone out for a few drinks to unwind, but a few turned into more than you could count, and now you were decidedly tipsy—no, scratch that, you were drunk. The kind of drunk that makes the world spin and words blur together.

Miyeon, ever the responsible one, was trying to hail a cab while Yunah clung to your arm, giggling uncontrollably at something you couldn’t quite remember. A soft breeze ruffling your hair as you leaned against a lamppost, the ground feeling a little too far away for comfort.

“I should call… someone…” you muttered, fumbling for your phone in your bag, your fingers clumsy and uncoordinated.

Yunah snorted, still giggling. “Who’re you gonna call? Ghostbusters?”

“Sunghoon,” you slurred, finding his number on your phone with surprising accuracy despite the alcohol fogging your brain. Without another thought, you pressed the call button, bringing the phone to your ear as it rang.

On the other end, Sunghoon was sitting on the couch in his sleek, modern apartment, absentmindedly flipping through channels on the TV. He wasn’t really paying attention to anything in particular; his mind was elsewhere. Specifically, it was on you. At first, he’d told himself it was just part of the act, that he was only playing the role of your fake fiancé. But the more time he spent with you, the more he started to question that.

His phone buzzed on the coffee table, and he glanced at the screen, frowning slightly when he saw your name. You never called him, especially not this late. With a hint of worry, he picked up. “Hello?”

“Sunghoon!” you exclaimed, far too loud for a late-night call. Your voice was slurred.

“Are you… drunk?” he asked, his concern deepening. He could hear you giggling on the other end, and it did something funny to his chest. “Where are you?”

“Out… with Miyeon and Yunah. We’re having soooo much fun!” You hiccuped.

Sunghoon’s brow furrowed as he stood up, already grabbing his keys off the table. “You shouldn’t be out there alone. Stay where you are, I’m coming to get you.”

“But I’m not alone!” you protested, sounding like a child. “I’m with Miyeon and Yunah! They’re sooooo funny…”

“Stay there,” he repeated, more firmly this time. “I’m on my way.”

You didn’t seem to hear him, too busy giggling with Yunah about something that had apparently happened earlier in the evening. Sunghoon didn’t waste any more time. He was out the door and in his car within minutes, the engine roaring to life as he sped through the city streets.

By the time he reached the bar, you were sitting on the curb with Miyeon and Yunah, both of whom were also a little tipsy but still more composed than you. The moment Sunghoon stepped out of his car, your eyes lit up, though you didn’t seem to fully recognize him.

“There he is!” Miyeon said, relief evident in her voice as she waved him over. “She’s all yours, Sunghoon. Good luck.”

Sunghoon couldn’t help but chuckle despite his worry as he approached you. You looked up at him with a lazy grin, your eyes glazed over. “Who’re you?” you asked, tilting your head to the side in confusion.

“It’s me, Sunghoon,” he replied, crouching down in front of you. “Let’s get you home.”

You pouted, shaking your head like a stubborn child. “I don’t know you,” you mumbled, crossing your arms. “I’m not going anywhere with a stranger.”

Sunghoon sighed, knowing there was no point in arguing with you in this state. “Alright, alright,” he said, trying to keep his tone soothing. “But we can’t stay here. How about I take you somewhere safe?”

You squinted at him, clearly trying to decide if you could trust him. After a moment, you seemed to make up your mind and nodded. “Okay… but no funny business, mister!”

Sunghoon chuckled softly, his heart doing that funny little flip again. He gently helped you to your feet, slipping an arm around your waist to steady you. “I promise,” he said, leading you toward his car.

The drive was quiet, save for your occasional hiccup or mumble about how the city lights were so pretty. Sunghoon kept glancing at you out of the corner of his eye.

When you arrived at his apartment, Sunghoon helped you out of the car and into the elevator. You leaned heavily against him, clearly exhausted but still stubbornly refusing to give him your address. He figured it was safer to just keep you with him for the night.

His apartment was as sleek and modern as ever, but tonight, it felt different having you there. He led you to the guest bedroom, flicking on the light as he helped you sit on the edge of the bed.

“Here we are,” he said softly, crouching down to help you with your shoes. “You can sleep here tonight.”

You blinked down at him, a smile spreading across your face. “You’re really nice for a stranger,” you slurred, reaching out to pat his head clumsily.

Sunghoon felt his face heat up, and he quickly stood, hoping you wouldn’t notice. “Okay, now go to sleep,” he said, trying to sound firm.

As he tucked you in, pulling the blanket up around you, you suddenly leaned up and pressed a quick kiss to his lips. The taste of alcohol lingered on your breath as you pulled back, giggling. “Thank you, stranger,” you murmured, your eyelids drooping heavily.

Sunghoon froze, his heart pounding in his chest. He stared down at you.

“Okay, now go to sleep,” he repeated, this time more to himself than to you as he gently pushed you back onto the pillow.

You were already half asleep, a soft smile on your lips as you mumbled something he couldn't puzzle out. Sunghoon stood there for a moment longer, just watching you.

Finally, he turned off the light and quietly left the room, closing the door behind him. As he leaned against the wall outside, he let out a slow breath, running a hand through his hair.

He was definitely catching feelings for you, and tonight had only made that fact impossible to ignore. But for now, he pushed those thoughts aside, focusing on the simple fact that you were safe, and that was all that mattered.

For now.

YOU WAKE UP WITH A POUNDING HEADACHE. Groaning, you reach up to rub your temples, your eyes still squeezed shut against the harsh morning light filtering through the curtains. When you finally dare to open them, the first thing you see is a glass of water and a single pill on the nightstand next to you.

Grateful, you reach for the water and swallow the pill, hoping it’ll take the edge off your hangover. But as you set the glass back down, something feels… off. You blink a few times, trying to clear the fog from your mind. This didn’t look like your bedroom. Where were you?

You sit up slowly, the blanket sliding off your legs as you take in your surroundings. The room is spacious and sleek, with modern, minimalist decor—a far cry from the cozy clutter of your own place. Panic starts to bubble up in your chest as you swing your legs over the side of the bed, your feet meeting the cool hardwood floor.

You stand, wobbling slightly as the room tilts beneath you. After a moment, you steady yourself and start to walk toward the door. The apartment is eerily quiet, the only sound the faint hum of the city beyond the windows. You weren't kidnapped right?

You wander through the hallway, glancing at the modern art on the walls and the polished furniture that looks like it belongs in a high-end magazine. None of it is familiar. Displays of trophies. Your heart pounds faster as you pass by a living room with a sleek black couch and a glass coffee table, everything impeccably neat. Where are you?

Finally, you reach the kitchen, your breath catching in your throat as you see a tall figure standing by the counter, his back to you. He’s dressed casually, a black t-shirt stretching across his broad shoulders, his hair slightly tousled like he’s just woken up. The smell of freshly brewed coffee wafts through the air, mingling with the sharp scent of something else—aftershave, maybe.

He turns around, and your heart skips a beat. Sunghoon.

He glances at you, his expression carefully neutral, though you can see the tension in his posture. “You’re awake,” he says, his voice low and measured, as if he’s trying not to sound too concerned.

You blink, still half-convinced you’re dreaming. “Sunghoon?” you whisper, your voice hoarse from sleep. “What… what happened? I was with Yunah and Miyeon…”

He nods, setting down the mug of coffee he was holding. “You were,” he confirms, his tone calm “But you got drunk, really drunk, and I thought it was best you stay here. You were pretty persistent about not telling me your address.”

You stare at him, your mind struggling to piece together the events of the previous night. Flashes of memory come back—calling him, the bar, the lights of the city, his worried face as he helped you into his car. You groan, slapping a hand to your forehead as it all starts to make sense. “Very smart of you, YN..” you mumble to yourself.

“Okay, fine,” you say, crossing your arms defensively. “But I’m still not happy about being brought here without knowing.”

Sunghoon raises an eyebrow, leaning against the counter again. “I didn’t exactly have many options, you know. You wouldn’t tell me your address.”

You huff, feeling a little defensive. “Maybe if you didn’t look so much like a stranger, I would’ve!”

He smirks, crossing his arms to mirror your stance. “I told you who I was. It’s not my fault you couldn’t recognize me in your drunk state.”

You narrow your eyes at him, the headache making you more irritable than usual. “Well, maybe next time you should have tried harder.”

“Next time?” he echoes, a playful glint in his eyes. “So, you’re planning to get drunk and forget who I am again?”

You roll your eyes, refusing to back down. “That’s not what I meant. I just… you could’ve left me with Yunah and Miyeon, you know.”

Sunghoon’s smirk fades slightly, and his tone becomes more serious. “They were tipsy too, and I wasn’t about to leave you with them in that condition. You were my responsibility after you called me.”

You bite your lip, realizing he has a point but not willing to admit it. “Well, you didn’t have to be so overprotective.”

He sighs, the amusement slipping from his face. “I wasn’t being overprotective. I was being responsible.”

You glare at him, but there’s no real anger behind it, “Fine, whatever. But you could’ve at least woken me up or something when we got here.”

He gives you a deadpan look. “You were barely conscious by the time we got here. I didn’t think you’d appreciate being woken up just so you could argue with me.”

You open your mouth to retort but realize you don’t have a good comeback. Instead, you huff again and look away, your arms still crossed. “You’re so annoying.”

Sunghoon chuckles softly, shaking his head. “And you’re impossible.”

THE EVENING SKY WAS A DEEP SHADE OF BLUE. the grand hall filled with laughter, clinking glasses, and the low hum of chatter. Your engagement party was a few weeks later than planned, but no less extravagant.

You stood beside Sunghoon, the two of you playing the part of the perfect couple for the night. He looked effortlessly handsome in a tailored black suit. You were dressed in a stunning gown that flowed like water around you.

Sunghoon leaned in close as you both watched your families mingle and enjoy themselves. “Remember,” he said with a teasing smirk, “don’t drink too much tonight. I don’t think I could survive another night like the last time.”

You elbowed him lightly in the ribs, giving him a mock glare. “Very funny. I’ll have you know I’m fully in control tonight.”

He chuckled, the sound low and warm, sending an unexpected shiver down your spine. “I’m just looking out for you.”

You opened your mouth to retort but were interrupted by the sound of a spoon tapping against a glass. Your father stood at the center of the room, commanding everyone’s attention with his broad smile and booming voice. “Ladies and gentlemen,” he began, “if I could have your attention, please! It’s time for a toast from the happy couple!”

The guests turned toward you and Sunghoon, their eyes bright with expectation. You felt a flutter of nerves as you stepped forward, taking the microphone that was handed to you. Sunghoon stood beside you, his hand resting lightly on the small of your back—a gesture that felt more practiced than genuine.

You took a deep breath and smiled warmly at the crowd. “Thank you all for being here tonight,” you began, “It means the world to us to have our families and closest friends gathered together to celebrate this special occasion. We couldn’t be happier to share this moment with all of you.”

Sunghoon took the microphone next, his voice smooth and confident as he added, “We’re truly grateful for all the love and support we’ve received. We promise to make the most of this journey together, no matter what the future holds.”

There was a round of applause, followed by the clinking of glasses as everyone raised their drinks in a toast. You exchanged a smile with Sunghoon, relieved that the speech was over, but the evening wasn’t done with its surprises yet.

From somewhere in the crowd, a voice called out, “Give her a kiss!” It started as a playful suggestion, but soon others joined in, chanting and encouraging Sunghoon to kiss you.

Sunghoon chuckled nervously, his usual composed expression faltering slightly. “Oh,” he said, turning to you with a hesitant smile. He took your hand and pressed a soft kiss to your knuckles. “There.”

The crowd groaned in playful disapproval, with some guests booing and others laughing at the display. Your father, always the life of the party, wasn’t about to let it slide. “Come on, Sunghoon! On the lips!”

You froze, feeling the blood drain from your face as the room buzzed with anticipation. Sunghoon looked just as caught off guard, his eyes widening slightly before he forced a smile back onto his face. “Uh, okay…,” he mumbled, clearly out of his depth.

Sunghoon turned back to you, his eyes searching yours for a moment as if silently asking for permission. You gave him a small nod, your heart racing as he leaned in closer. All you could focus on was the feel of his breath against your lips, the scent of his cologne mingling with the faint traces of champagne.

Then, he closed the distance, pressing his lips against yours. It was over before it even began, a brief touch that was more awkward than anything, leaving you both standing there, trying to play it off with polite smiles as the guests erupted into cheers and applause.

But just as you thought the moment had passed, your grandmother’s voice cut through the noise “Y/N! Give him a real kiss!”

Laughter rippled through the room, and you felt your heart sink. This was not part of the plan. You turned to Sunghoon, your eyes wide with a mix of panic and disbelief. He looked just as flustered, his normally calm expression cracking under the pressure.

“Haha…,” you laughed awkwardly, glancing around the room for an escape, but there was none. The guests were all watching, eagerly awaiting the show they’d been promised.

With no other choice, you forced yourself to smile and faced Sunghoon again. “Well…,” you began, trying to sound lighthearted even though your pulse was racing. “Here goes nothing.”

You leaned in, your lips meeting his once more, but this time, there was no hesitation. The kiss was slow, lingering longer than the last. Sunghoon stiffened at first, clearly taken aback by your sudden compliance, but then something shifted. You felt it in the way his hand instinctively came to rest on your waist, pulling you just a little closer as he relaxed into the kiss.

Then, just as quickly as it started, it was over. Sunghoon pulled back, his eyes searching yours with an expression you couldn’t quite read. He looked almost shocked, as if he couldn’t believe what had just happened. But he quickly masked it with a smile, a little forced, but enough to appease the crowd.

The guests erupted into applause, their cheers and laughter filling the room as you blinked.

As the celebration continued around you, your gaze caught on a familiar face in the crowd. Youngdae. He was standing off to the side, his eyes narrowed as he watched the two of you. There was something in his expression—something smug, knowing. It sent a chill down your spine.

THE MORNING WAS SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE ANY OTHER—calm, uneventful. You were scrolling through your phone, sipping on your coffee, when a notification caught your eye. At first, you thought it was just another article about the engagement, another gossip piece speculating about your relationship with Sunghoon. But the headline stopped you cold.

“Sunghoon and Y/N’s Relationship is All Fake and Scripted.”

You felt your heart drop into your stomach, the words blurring in front of your eyes. Panic surged through you as you clicked on the link, your mind racing. How did they find out? Who could have known? As the article loaded, your breath caught in your throat when you saw the author’s name.

Youngdae.

You scoffed, a bitter laugh escaping your lips as the reality of it set in. Of course, it was him. You should’ve known he was up to something, but you had been too distracted.

As you read through the article, each line felt like a slap to the face. He had all the details—the fake marriage, the carefully staged moments, even the reasons behind it all. It was as if he had been there, watching every step of the way, waiting for the perfect moment to expose the truth.

Your hands trembled as you scrolled through the comments, each one more vicious than the last. People were calling you a liar, accusing you of playing with their emotions for publicity. The overwhelming wave of hatred and disappointment made you feel sick.

It was all true. Every word of it. The relationship was fake. You knew that from the start, but seeing it laid out like this—so cold, so calculated—made it feel real in a way that shook you to your core.

You set your phone down, staring blankly at the wall in front of you. The buzz of your phone pulled you out of your daze—numerous missed calls from your parents, texts asking you to explain, to do damage control. But you ignored them. Right now, you couldn’t face them. There was only one person you needed to talk to.

Sunghoon.

THE ROAR OF THE ENGINES FILLED THE AIR the scent of burning rubber and gasoline lingering as you stood by the bleachers, watching the cars speed around the track. It felt like déjà vu, standing here again, in the same spot where you first met Sunghoon. Back then, you had watched him win with ease, his car a blur as he crossed the finish line in first place. Today, you found yourself here again, but everything felt different—heavier, uncertain.

As the race continued, your eyes were locked on Sunghoon’s car. You had come here to support him, to clear your mind and maybe, just maybe, find a way to fix everything. But when his car zoomed past, your heart skipped a beat. His eyes briefly met yours, a flash of recognition in his gaze, but then he looked away, ignoring you completely. A cold wave of dread washed over you.

The race was intense, but something was wrong. Sunghoon wasn’t leading like he usually did. For the first time, you watched as he struggled to maintain his position, falling into second place. It was subtle, but you could see the frustration in his driving, the slight hesitations that weren’t characteristic of him. When he finally crossed the finish line, there was no victory in his expression—only a bitter disappointment.

You didn’t waste any time, rushing down the bleachers, making sure to keep your face covered so no one would recognize you. You had to talk to him, had to find out what was going on. As you made your way to the pit area, your heart pounded in your chest, each step feeling heavier than the last.

You found him near his car, his back turned to you as he spoke with his team. He looked different—tense, his shoulders hunched with frustration. When he finally noticed you, his expression hardened, the coldness in his eyes hitting you like a punch to the gut.

“What do you want, Y/N?” he asked, his voice laced with bitterness.

You froze, taken aback by the harshness in his tone. “I… I just wanted to talk,” you managed to say, your voice trembling slightly.

“Talk about what?” he snapped, crossing his arms over his chest. “Us?”

“Yes,” you whispered, feeling a knot form in your throat. “About us.”

Sunghoon let out a harsh laugh, shaking his head. “There is no ‘us,’ Y/N. It’s over, isn’t it? They know, we know—it’s over.”

His words stung, each one like a dagger to your heart. You opened your mouth to protest, to explain, but nothing came out. He scoffed at your silence, his eyes narrowing in anger. Your eyes dart to his bruised knuckles but you don't ask.

“Sunghoon, please,” you tried again, your voice breaking. “I don’t understand why you’re acting like this.”

“Why?” he echoed, his voice rising in frustration. “Because this is the reason I got second place! Because I couldn’t focus, because all I could think about was this mess we’re in!”

You felt a sharp pang of guilt, the weight of his words sinking in. “Sunghoon, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—”

“Enough!” he cut you off, his voice firm and unyielding. “Just forget it, okay? We don’t know each other. It’s better that way.”

You stood there, speechless, as he turned away from you, his figure retreating into the crowd. 

(EARLIER, FLASHBACK)

PARK SUNGHOON STOOD NEAR HIS CAR, focused and mentally preparing himself for the race. But something was different today, a tension in the atmosphere that he couldn’t quite place.

As he made his way towards the pit lane, his eyes caught sight of a figure approaching. It was a young man, tall and lean, with a smug expression plastered across his face. Sunghoon squinted, trying to place the familiarity of the stranger. The man walked with an air of arrogance.

“Who are you?” Sunghoon asked, his voice cold and clipped, betraying the irritation that was beginning to simmer beneath the surface.

The man stopped in front of him, tilting his head slightly as if considering the question. “Youngdae,” he replied, his tone dripping with mockery. “I’m YN’s ‘close’ friend.”

The words hung in the air, the taunting lilt in Youngdae’s voice making Sunghoon’s stomach churn. His mind raced, trying to recall where he had seen this guy before. And then it clicked. The engagement party. Yunjin’s and…your engagement party. Sunghoon’s jaw tightened at the memory.

“And?” Sunghoon demanded, his voice now laced with suspicion. “What do you want?”

Youngdae smirked, clearly enjoying the effect he was having. “Oh, I just wanted to let you know,” he started, his tone nonchalant, “that I know everything. And YN… she’s been doing all of this for me. She told me she liked me.”

Sunghoon’s world tilted at those words. His heart stuttered in his chest, “What?” he breathed, his voice barely above a whisper, as if saying it too loudly would make it true.

Youngdae’s eyes gleamed with satisfaction. “Yeah, she’s been playing you, Sunghoon,” he continued, his voice taunting. “The whole marriage thing? It was just a way for her to escape, to protect me. She’s mine.”

Sunghoon’s blood boiled, his vision narrowing on the man in front of him. Lies. They had to be lies. But the seed of doubt had been planted, twisting and turning in his mind. “Oh really?” Sunghoon muttered, his voice low, dangerous.

Youngdae barely had time to react before Sunghoon’s fist connected with his jaw, sending him staggering backward. Youngdae straightened, wiping the blood from his lip, his smirk only widening.

“Touched a nerve, did I?” Youngdae sneered, stepping forward as if ready for more.

Sunghoon didn’t wait. Another punch.

Finally, with one last kick, Sunghoon sent Youngdae sprawling to the ground, breathing heavily, chest heaving. He stood over the other man, fists clenched at his sides, his knuckles bruised and bloody. But the pain in his hands was nothing compared to the ache in his chest.

“Congratulations,” Sunghoon spat, his voice thick with emotion. “You got yourself a girlfriend.” The words tasted bitter on his tongue.

With that, he turned on his heel and walked away, leaving Youngdae on the ground. Was it true? Had everything between you been a lie?

IT HAD BEEN A WEEK SINCE THE WORLD YOU CAREFULLY CONSTRUCTED CAME CRASHING DOWN. The memories of that awful day played on a loop in your mind, leaving you exhausted and drained. You spent countless hours crying, the weight of Sunghoon’s words crushing you. Miyeon and Yunah sat by your side, their attempts to comfort you. They tried everything—funny stories, your favorite movies, even bringing you your favorite snacks—but nothing seemed to help.

Meanwhile, Sunghoon was a mess of his own. The usually confident and composed Formula 1 driver was now a stressed for the past week etched deeply into his features. He had barely slept, and when he did, his dreams were haunted by images of you—your smile, your laugh, and the pain in your eyes when he had turned his back on you. He didn’t want to think about it, but it was all he could think about.

He was sitting with Heeseung, Jay, and Jake. Heeseung glanced at Sunghoon, noticing the way his friend had been uncharacteristically quiet, his gaze unfocused as he stared off in the distance. Heeseung finally broke the silence, his tone cautious, “So… you ended things with YN?”

Sunghoon let out a long, heavy sigh, his hand running through his hair in frustration. “Yeah,” he muttered, the word filled with regret. “She was just using me to get some guy named Youngdae.”

Jake raised an eyebrow at that, his skepticism clear. “Her? Use you?” There was disbelief in his voice, as if the idea itself was absurd.

Jay, who had been scrolling through his phone, looked up with a frown. “Did you not read the article?” he asked, his tone serious. “The author is Youngdae. He’s the one who exposed your fake relationship or whatever.”

Sunghoon blinked, the words taking a moment to sink in. “What?” he muttered, confusion lacing his voice. He straightened in his seat, pulling out his phone with shaky hands. His fingers fumbled as he searched for the article, the one he had tried so hard to avoid reading because he thought he already knew the truth.

When the article loaded on his screen, he read it carefully, his eyes scanning every word, every sentence. As the pieces started to fall into place, his heart began to race. The tone of the article, the subtle jabs at both you and him, the not-so-subtle gloating—everything screamed of someone with a personal vendetta. Youngdae. The man who had approached him before the race, taunting him, planting seeds of doubt in his mind. Sunghoon’s eyes widened as realization hit him like a freight train.

“It was all a lie,” he whispered to himself. He looked up at his friends, his expression one of dawning horror. “She wasn’t using me. Youngdae set the whole thing up.”

Heeseung, Jay, and Jake watched as the realization washed over Sunghoon, each of them exchanging worried glances. “Yeah, it looks like that asshole was trying to mess with you both,” Jay said, his voice calm but firm.

Sunghoon’s thoughts were a whirlwind as he pieced everything together. The way Youngdae had approached him, the lies he’d told, the article designed to twist the truth and drive a wedge between you two. How could he have been so blind?

“Shoot,” Sunghoon cursed under his breath, his heart pounding in his chest. “I need to talk to her.”

YOU SIGHED, tugging at the sleeves of your jacket as you followed Yunah and Miyeon through the bustling crowd. The roar of excited fans and the distant rumble of engines filled the air, a constant reminder of where you were—somewhere you hadn’t wanted to be. Yunah had practically dragged you here, insisting that Sunghoon wouldn’t be part of the lineup today. “Just come along for the fun,” she had said. “It’ll be a good distraction.” And you had reluctantly agreed.

But as you found your seat and the contestants started to make their way onto the track, your heart nearly stopped. There he was. Sunghoon, as he strode confidently towards his car, the cheers of the crowd rising in volume.

“You lied, Yunah,” you muttered, narrowing your eyes at your friend.

Yunah winced, offering you a sheepish smile. “Oops. Guess I got that wrong.”

Miyeon chuckled, nudging your shoulder playfully. “Well, you’re not leaving now. We paid for these tickets!”

You rolled your eyes, trying to push down the pain that had been gnawing at you for days. It wasn’t easy seeing him after everything, the memories of your last encounter still fresh and raw. But you couldn’t deny the way your heart skipped a beat when his eyes met yours. For a fleeting moment, a small smile tugged at the corners of his lips, but you couldn’t bring yourself to return it, instead looking away quickly, focusing on the crowd.

The race was intense, the final race of the season. whoever won this race would be crowned the champion. Your eyes followed Sunghoon’s car as it sped around the track. You could feel your chest tightening with each passing lap, the anticipation building as he edged closer to victory.

And then, in a blur of speed and adrenaline, Sunghoon crossed the finish line first. The crowd erupted in cheers, the energy electric as the realization set in—he had won. Again.

Sunghoon stepped out of his car, triumphant, the smile on his face broad and genuine as he accepted his trophy. But then, to your surprise, he grabbed the microphone, his voice booming through the speakers.

“This is my fourth year being the champion of this season,” he began, his tone proud but also tinged with something else—something softer. “Thank you, everyone, for your support. It means the world to me.”

You shifted uncomfortably in your seat, hoping the moment would pass quickly, but then his words took an unexpected turn.

“And to those who don’t think YN and I are together… we are,” Sunghoon continued, his eyes searching the crowd until they found you. Your breath hitched as he held your gaze. “And I love her. I truly do. I think it’s the way she laughs or smiles. It’s just the way she gives me butterflies. A composure I can’t hold when she’s with me.”

Your eyes widened, confusion and shock swirling in your mind. What was he doing? Was this some kind of joke? But his expression was serious, sincere, and there was a vulnerability in his eyes that you hadn’t seen before.

“I’m sorry, YN,” he said through the mic, the words raw and honest. Before you could process what was happening, you felt hands on your back—Yunah and Miyeon were pushing you out of your seat, urging you forward.

“Go on!” Yunah whispered excitedly, while Miyeon giggled beside her.

You were practically shoved onto the track, and suddenly, you were standing in front of Sunghoon. The world seemed to blur around you, the noise of the crowd fading into the background as all you could focus on was him—just him.

Sunghoon’s eyes softened as he looked at you, the tension in his shoulders easing slightly. He stepped closer, lowering the mic, his voice now just for you. “YN, I’m sorry for everything. For just leaving you with no explanation. I let my insecurities get the best of me, and I almost lost you because of it. But I swear, that’s never going to happen again.” You stared at him, confusion on your face.

“ I pieced it all together, and I realized how wrong I was. I was stupid, and I’m so sorry. But I love you, YN. I love you more than I can put into words. And I want us to be official, for real this time.”

Your heart was pounding in your chest, overwhelmed by the flood of emotions washing over you. It felt surreal, like a dream you were afraid to wake up from. “Actually?” you whispered, needing to hear it again, needing to know this was real.

“Actually,” Sunghoon confirmed, a small, hopeful smile on his lips.

A smile slowly crept onto your face as you felt the last of your doubts melt away. “Well… I love you too,” you said, your voice trembling with emotion.

And then, before you could say another word, Sunghoon leaned in, his lips capturing yours in a soft kiss. His hand cupped the side of your face, his thumb brushing softly against your cheek as his lips moved against yours.

When you finally pulled away, breathless and smiling, Sunghoon’s eyes sparkled with mischief. “You know,” he began, his voice teasing, “when you were drunk a few weeks ago, you kissed me on the lips.”

Your eyes widened in surprise. “Why didn’t you tell me earlier?” you asked.

“I was just waiting for this moment,” he replied with a grin, pulling you into another kiss as the crowd cheered around you, their applause now a distant echo.

THE CITY WAS ALIVE WITH A SOFT GLOW. Sunghoon drove through the city. You sat beside him, your hand resting comfortably on his as the cool night air streamed in through the open window, brushing against your skin and sending a pleasant shiver down your spine.

The world outside was quiet, peaceful, a perfect contrast to the whirlwind of excitement that had surrounded you both ever since the news broke. Everyone knew now—about the engagement, the wedding plans, the future that was waiting for you both just around the corner.

Sunghoon glanced over at you, a soft smile playing on his lips as he admired the way the moonlight highlighted your features, making you look even more ethereal.

At every green light, he would lean over, pressing a gentle kiss to your lips. His lips were soft, lingering just long enough to make your heart flutter, before he would pull away with a grin, only to repeat the sweet gesture at the next light.

“Do you know how beautiful you look right now?” he murmured, his voice low as his fingers intertwined with yours, giving your hand a light squeeze.

You smiled, a blush creeping up your cheeks as you looked over at him. “You always say that,” you teased, but the warmth in your voice showed how much you loved hearing it.

“It’s because it’s true,” he replied softly, leaning in for another kiss as the light turned green. This time, the kiss lingered a little longer, his lips moving tenderly against yours.

When he pulled back, a grin on his face that matched your own. “I can’t wait to marry you,” he whispered.

“Me neither,” you whispered back, leaning in for one more kiss.

[somedayslater]

in the future when haejoon comes back from work...

He helps eunyung memorizing his lines for his next show. its in a little theater from the neighborhood and eunyung likes it.

Eunyung was scouted and tried to be famous but it wasnt for him ; too much exploitation and humiliation, he was not respected. He couldnt keep his mouth shut while witnessing the unfair treatment of his comrades. The world of entertainment is cruel, especially in south korea.

Eunyung began to hate theater. He realized that being rich and famous just to make his parents regret abandoning him was not really productive, if it made him consider abandoning the only thing he managed to keep liking.

So he stopped, took an alimentary job (it pays better than being a rookie actor anyway). Now he plays in an associative theater as a hobby. they do unknown and strange plays that most people dont find interesting -but they have some success thanks to eunyung's previous popularity.

~~~~~~

Haejoon didnt understand why eunyung was throwing away his ticket at being famous at first. he was good at it, people were excepting him to do it, he could earn a lot of money. Just because of his horrible personality, eunyung was abandoning his dream ? he'll really never change.

But then haejoon went to see his shows in this little theater and he understood ; eunyung was having fun here. Haejoon did see how eunyung was miserable working in the entertainment industry. He thought it was normal, because everybody was miserable at work. Life is about finding its place, not about being happy. Happiness, it comes after, if youre lucky.

But here eunyung was shining. He enjoyed being here. That's what eunyung wanted. Haejoon couldnt really grasp that at first, but he began to enjoy going to his shows too.

Really thinking about what you want to do, not conforming to what you think people want you to do or say... eunyung could do that now. haejoon was a little envious.

He studied a lot because he didnt have anything else to do ; he went to a good university because he studied a lot ; he got a good-paying job at a reputable company because he went to a good university. What was the point of it ? he didnt know and he actually didnt care to not know. His mother would be proud, and that was the important thing.

But haejoon was happy when he went to see eunyung playing and that was good. he didnt always understand the plays, and eunyung would spent hours explaining to him the reason behind this light, this silence, this character's action. Haejoon tried to be interested in it ; he didnt always suceed. but he enjoyed seeing eunyung talking, and eunyung seemed to like explaining things to him anyway. Plus, he would often cook while talking, so if haejoon listened diligently he'll have a really nice meal after.

~~~~~~

( i think in the future haejoon wont really have an exciting life but a stable one, with good pay and a nice apartment. he goes by day after day without really knowing the purpose of it all but it is how it is.

eunyung will be the contrary. he's so happy to finally enjoy being alive that he wont loose his time in a place where he's miserable. he'll get by with shitty jobs, and he will find a purpose in doing as many fun things as he can.

I would really like it if they find a balance between them and live together. haejoon provides material comfort, eunyung provides excitement. haejoon is happy to witness the fun in eunyung's life and participate in it in his own way (helping him rehearse, lend a hand during the week-ends to set up the show scene). eunyung is grateful for haejoon to be here, to help during the months he's outta jobs and the rent is harder to pay.

they're not fairy-tale happy, but it's enough. the world isnt so menacing when they're together)

(id also love love it if both get involved in activism, so others in the future dont have to know whats it like to grow poor and ostracized. i really cant see haejoon doing that but eunyung i definitely can)

(im thinking and the dynamic will be something like, haejoon pays for most of the groceries and eunyung cooks. is it a somewhat sexist setup where long-haired eunyung is the wife and buff haejoon the husband then lol ? i also definitely see eunyung as dominant, choosing most of their mutual projects and the direction of their relationship. he also tops haejoon in bed and he enjoys making him cry. fortunately, haejoon loves to cry. outside sex, they hate hurting the other now though ! surprisingly, its a dynamic thats convenient for both of them.)

[cranberrybogmummy]

My thoughts on.... Jonah Magnus (DONT ARCHIVE)

Jonah Magnus|Elias Bouchard - Pansexual biromantic switch

So  this is totally my headcanon and you can be like

BAH, THIS IS  NOT WHAT I THINK!

If so go somewhere else.

But I think Jonah was quite the dissipated rake back in youth pre institute days. He fucked men, women and those he wasn’t sure about. While he doesn’t exactly LIKE women or men for that matter. He enjoys the ‘charms’ of women’s bodies: Tits, ass, hips, pussies, legs. But does harbor in his heart of hearts some very sexist notions about them. He likes eating pussy, the smell, the taste, the reactions he gets from the person who’s pussy he’s eating. Not only did the beholding help him with this but he has enough experience.  He loves having power over people, which is why he gets off on it and deeply enjoys using his hands and mouth to do so. Oh yes, he loves fellating as well for the same reasons. And while he NOT as unenlightened about men’s abilities he’s a smug cunt who thinks he’s above his fellow man, due to his intelligence, class, beholding avatar and all it entails. With men he likes bottoming mostly and loves rough sex with rough trade, having his holes absolutely destroyed, especially by those with MASSIVE COCKS. Also if a man with penis wants him to  Top or blow him he’s not about to turn that down.

Back when Jonah was in original vessel  and young he was scandalous AF, not only for the rumors about  his thirst for occult knowledge but all other things he got up too, drinking, boozing and fucking anything that stood still long enough. He lost his homosexual virginity to an upper class men at Eton at 13, and later his ‘heterosexual’ virginity to a chambermaid who was roughly his age at 15.

 He sired seven bastards (only half survived to adulthood and he was only aware of five until the watcher’s crown) including a daughter on his mistress, the younger sister of a former friend who he seduced and eloped with during a summer visit, who he kept with false promises of a marriage. He financially supported the one he KNEW about that was about as far it went. His tumultuous affair with lord Byron was just a small chapter in both of the scandals of both their lives when it ended Byron burned all the letters. Jonah kept them. 

 Also the rumors he once hired a half dozen ‘sailors’ (rough trade) rented rooms in a bad part of London to spend three days boozing, drinking and getting gang banged by the rough trade (another rumor that was confirmed much later).  As well as the rumors he was supplementing the meager  second son allowance his father provided with offering discreet caning, birching and flogging to certain gentlemen.

All of this was before he founded the Magnus institute. What a busy, busy boy!

His affairs with his male friends, who he corresponded with including the late unfortunate Barnabas Bennett, famous architect Robert Smirke are merely hinted at by the flowery, intimate, homo social writing style of the day.

Apparently he was also screwing his Valet in middle age and attempting to sire a ‘vessel for the beholding’ on a female servant of the beholding…this ended with her murder by said valet and the fetus they created discovered during her autopsy was liberally dotted with eyes… it is one the many curiosities he keeps in his office if you know where to look ;)

Anyhow Jonah discovered through the many decades that his basic drives: hunger/thirst, sleep sex, etc. are controlled by the vessel he’s in while his eldritch nature can provide more stamina to delay the need to eat or sleep but they don’t end it entirely and eventually he will need a meal or a good night’s sleep.

The sex drive well that’s ENTIRELY controlled by every vessel’s own unique hormonal cocktail.

Some have had low sex drives, some middle range, some strong, some have had sex drive and or ability to get an erection entirely disappear with the onset of middle age.

Jonah doesn’t care: it’s not why he chooses the vessel (more on that later).

Elias Bouchard’s body had a very visceral NEED for sex, well into middle age.

Jonah hadn’t felt like that since he was was in own skin.

Jonah soon realized that if Elias Bouchard hadn’t been so depressed and stoned all the time, he’d be humping nearly everything.

So Jonah made adjustments, because when sex with someone is needed at the minimum four times a week or bad things happen, he made sure he got laid on the regular.

How?

Well cliche but Peter Lukas… his off again on again partner.

Other partners: avatar and employees... sexy archivists mebbe?

Other side long term relationships with mortals I guess… because Peter and Elias have an open relationship and Elias likes variety in his choice of genders and genitalia.

Hook-ups.

Jonah abuses his beholding powers to scan the thoughts of those around him to see if anyone is checking him out.

There is usually someone he finds suitable to fuck nearby.

He has a sexy posh voice, and always chooses a conventionally attractive male body with an ass, and full head of hair, dresses well not over the top and maintains his body a reasonable amount.

Usually it’s cis and if so he likes a cock between 5-8 inches uncut. 

Only cis male vessel that was circumcised was Richard Mendelson (who was Jewish by birth) and Jonah did not like how sensitive the circumcised penis was… it took some adjusting not a jizz in pants when a stiff breeze gushed by. 

So he can usually find a lover for a quickie in a disabled toilet or public park bathroom or whatever.

Also although HE enjoys giving sexual pleasure to his partner for his own awful reasons… he doesn’t always feel the need to do anything for them, just get his rocks off. Also likes being seen and  gets off watching which is a given .   If he’s fucking someone in his office during lunch or after hours he  often leaves the door open a crack so someone will watch him

And finally no matter the vessel or decade, JONAH MAGNUS NEVER CLOSES HIS EYES DURING SEX.

[thecynthh]

the infamous deepfake.

okay so we have all seen or at least heard of the deepfake of matt right? its been quite the up roar recently bc everyone on here is talking about it, and i know im not that popular or if i should even be addressing this because all of it ive read about.

so if you dont know the deepfake of matt was basically a nude photo that was completely fake was posted on tiktok in an edit. it was shared not posted by sturnsfilmed or whatever their tag is now who is very popular on tiktok and notorious for saying some rather sexual things about them in their captions. the original pciture and edit was made by someone else who i am not aware of their @. just a disclaimer, i have not seen the picture nor am i wanting too, please stop sharing the photo around its rude and very horrible to the triplets.

my take

i think that if people didnt make such a big deal out of this and found it weird deepfakes wouldve definitely become more poplar, and im not saying that its right that people make these pictures or post them but lets be real. deepfakes wouldve RULED tumblr if it wasnt so wrong, i feel like there would be way more apparent if it wasnt so socially unacceptable/weird asf. we are all into sum pretty freaky shit and i think at least a good heap of people would be on the hunt for shit like that.

deepfakes are weird, especially if its of a famous person, like matt, who is very much unsuspecting of its capabilities and is most likely not aware that all of this happens and i truly hope he never does have to find out about it. because if you really think about it, what if he was just a guy at your school and he got exposed and had to change his entire identity and who he was because of this.

i know that its already been taken down but like i feel like if one of them knew about it, like if nick saw it, and matt knew what weird shit this part of the fandom does it would actually push him to quit.

now im a consumer and a provider of this content that i am talking about, i write, i read and i enjoy it but the thought of them knowing about it in reality really sets me off. please dont get me wrong i love fics and i love the snaps and texts of all of them but if they even HINT towards what we do im abandoning tumblr sooooooo fast.

please take what i say with a grain of salt cus imma be real idk what im talking abt. love yalls pls stay safe and be careful what yalls post.

-syn

[spicybylerpolls]

the discussion about how to write good sex is my catnip.

responding to previous anon, i had a few thoughts:

as moderator mentioned before, a lot of fanfic is by people who don't have actual experience with sex (gay or otherwise re byler), so it's probably drawn from porn even more than it is from their own personal fantasy. the age people first interact with porn, and therefore think that's an accurate portrayal of sex, is getting younger and younger what with internet access. but most porn is performance.

obviously people can enjoy performative aspects of sex, but esp re: mike and will or characters having sex for the first time, behaving performatively is less likely to be a genuine preference and more likely to be out of obligation - such as women thinking they need to be loud, men thinking they need to be silent/last a long time.

however, for mike and will, who likely have never seen audiovisual pornography, they just wouldnt know to use these words like 'baby' etc., and even if mike had sneaked one of ted's VHS tapes (eww), then he would likely be so awkward the first time that he would forget - ESPECIALLY around his lifelong best friend! so sex would instead be intuitive for them. which leads me to think that...

fanfic writers don't want to portray awkward sex because it's, apparently, 'unsexy'. now you can see what a paradox this is, but 'sexy' means something very specific to different people, often based on pop culture role models and ideals (phoebe cates anyone?). writers don't feel comfortable engaging with the reality of sex (rather than performative, idealistic sex) because it can be oddly... normal. mundane. sex can be average, bad, not at all the big deal its made out to be. this does one of two things:

ONE, it makes sex into something easy and accessible, and there are many institutions who don't want you to realise this, because it means they either lose money or lose control (not to get too political), and TWO, it does the opposite: it means that good sex becomes something intimidating and hard to reach, and puts people off when all they want is a bit of cheap release. because good sex, spiritually magnificent sex between people with a real connection and who are in love, is genuinely rare irl. and this is why seeing fictional characters find this connection is so cathartic.

so yeah, many fanfic writers who dont have irl experience are flexing a muscle, but they probably don't trust themselves or their audience enough to follow their instincts and write sex as they ACTUALLY would enjoy or want it to be - probably because they don't even know what they want.

it's a famous stereotype with males, that they are visually stimulated and don't have a highly vivid imagination (the visual stimulation part is rooted in truth, whereas typically females are more about emotional connection, originating with the need to nest and make a safe home). This is why pornography is so popular amongst men. I've even read published books that mention men who aren't visually stimulated during sex, and i'm like this female author clearly has done zero research lol.

Second anon was right about sex being somewhat separate from our real lives - see ideas like 'heat of passion' and 'haze' and 'fog' used in sexual contexts - which explains clumsiness, lovesickness, and blacking out during orgasm. (This, as well as the euphoria and relaxation that healthy sex can provide, solo or partnered, makes it genuine self-care, which is why it's such a shame that so many think it's harmful or embarrassing.) We DO disengage from reality somewhat during sex, as parts of the brain shut down, which means personality can change and become more animalistic if there is true abandonment. again many people never reach this level of trust irl, so perhaps extreme wildness in fanfic is a way of living vicariously.

but that said, fanfic is still storytelling, and readers want to see these specific characters in a sexual scenario, so i think the writer has a duty to be in service to those characters and find a way to make it believable, even if said characters do get a little wild. finding this balance is good writing - so maybe i'm just lamenting the lack of good craftsmanship in fanfic. honestly, the reason is probably because most great writers are out there creating their own original material, which is considered a much more worthwhile thing to do if you have a passion for storytelling (even though fanfic can teach you a lot about writing).

as for sex in movies, its a fascinating topic esp if you look into the history of intimacy co-ordination, which only recently became industry standard. in the past, many directors simply said 'you know what to do' to the actors. this had pros and cons: on the upside, it allowed for improvisation, realism, and the actors to take creative control, which performers from past generations/with classical theatre backgrounds thrived on; on the downside, it meant women especially could be taken advantage of or lose control in a scene, and that it was essentially the actors having simulated sex rather than the characters, which you can understand is problematic. (that said, there always will be an element of similarity between actor and character considering it's the same physical person. actors shouldn't be in the business if they aren't comfortable with this fact, and its up to them to control how different their performance is from their true self).

in film, camera angle, tone, context, EVERYTHING is essential for getting a sex scene right. i haven't seen many that hit the spot of respectful, hot af AND narratively appropriate, esp in gay sex scenes. Call me by your name was up there, but then that got a load of bad press for various other reasons.

I personally am praying they get byler right if they do it, though with the amount of things involved (including the edit/post production), it will be a miracle if everything comes together well.

lastly (thanks if youve made it this far!!), in my experience, written sex that i enjoy the most in published books does the following:

makes creative use of wording that is context- and era-appropriate (e.g. 'prick' instead of 'cock' or 'dick', or just implicit descriptions)

cuts away from the action in a way that doesn't feel frustrating but rather that you don't even need to read what they actually did

focuses on the emotional meaning of sex within the story

asks 'why' over and over - what does sex add to the character?

in short, smut itself will always be smut, and very hard to make narratively appropriate because it exists to make people horny lol. i assume this is where people start getting uncomfortable with byler in this conext, because the line between narratively explorative sex and simple porn can be a fine one, and a subjective one too. as a writer, i think it all comes with practise, and, as with sex irl, discovering what you actually like.

loving this discourse anon, more please!

very fascinating points! detailed and thorough! much to chew on.

[franksongofthemoment]

Welcome

This is a posterity blog, to catalog when Frank mentions music or bands he likes.

I will be going as far back as I can/have found and attempt a chronological order.

This may not get updated very often after initially populated.

Links to items to help greatly appreciated.

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First up is a playlist from 2006:

Frank Iero: “The Songs That Changed My Life”  from Kerrang Issue #1128

Photo Credit: Paul Harries

Magazine Release Date: November 27th, 2006 Issue Label: October 7th, 2006

(Pic source)

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A post to the website blog in 2008:

to be honest...

Saturday November 29, 2008 |

Posted by: Frank

you really have to get the new bronx record, its pretty fantastic. track 3 has been stuck in my head for 2 weeks. just sayin...xofrank

and guest post from 2009:

Frank comments on Artist direct’s playlist of THE 10 BEST (UNLIKELY) LOVE SONGS posted February 10th, 2009. (X)

Next some posts to the website blog in 2009:

Arg, Pure ROck Scurvy

Wednesday April 1, 2009 |

Posted by: Frank

hello all, just wanted to let you know our good buddies from the nj, BRine & Bastards, just released a new e.p... Do you like pirates? what about punk rock? do you think chlamydia is funny? ever wish your favorite rum had an upbeat theme song? then this band is for you! 6 brand new songs for you to tap your peg leg to. go to itunes and type that shit in - Brine & Bastards - Pure Rock Scurvy EP their full length, set sail for sodomy, is also available there....enjoi! xofrank

New Gallows rekurd = Facial Assualt

Friday May 15, 2009 |

Posted by: Frank

ok so i got the new Gallows record, Grey Britain, a couple weeks ago cause i know some people that are famous and influential but i didnt want to rub it in so i waited until now to talk about it...this way its out, you can get it at your local record store and listen to it at home and not feel inferior to my famous friends even though most of you are...its just better this way. ok with all that said fuck this record is good. they really branched out and took some chances on this record and it paid off in spades (i dont really know what that euphemism actually means - but im using it to say it went really well.)

MY GOOD FRIENDS ARE IN GREAT BANDS AND MADE GREAT RECORDS.

Tuesday July 14, 2009 |

Posted by: Frank

hey all, i just wanted to stop by and drop a line about some amazing records that came out last month.... my good friends in New Tomorrow from san luis obispo Ca released their new full length "we're counting on the youth"... and i must say its my favorite hardcore record of the year. their songs are inspired and inspiring, positive hardcore for the young and old alike. they are DIY and i love them. if there were more bands like this the world might actually become a better place. ....and the hardest working band in showbiz hailing from Kansas City Missouri, the architects have released "the hard way", my favorite rock n roll record of the year. i throw down the gauntlet and say the architects are the best live band i have ever seen, the first time we met they rocked the saint in asbury park like it was a sold out MSG show. they are on the warped tour all summer and deserve more attention than you can give them. the hard way is a fucking gem and will be the record you listen to while being chased by police on your way to the mexican border. bands like new tomorrow and the architects dont come around every day and are the reason i started skeleton crew. i feel very lucky to have worked with these bands, they are hard working and talented and deserve way more than i can provide. i hope you enjoy their records as much as i do. New Tomorrow - "We're counting on the Youth" and the Architects - "The Hard Way" are available at stores and on itunes, or from the skeleton crew webstore (www.skeletoncrewonline.com) both bands will be on the road this summer, enjoi. xo

[radspeon]

DustinDiamond.com Guestbook Highlights Part 2; Return of the Dick In Ass Man!!

dustindiamond.com is a parody site created by Max Goldberg, creator of YTMD and icon of the old internet era. the guestbook of this site is 844 pages of bigotry, gay fantasies, old-school copypastas(most of which in a similar vein to the infamous 'dolphinsex.org'), and people pretending to be famous actors talking about how badly they want to fuck Screech.

this post in particular is going to have a strong focus on the recurring character 'dick in ass man,' who is my favorite among the trolls on this guestbook. his brand of comedy(if you could even call it comedy) is simple, and acts as a sort of refresher between the paragraphs of graphic gay erotica, but i will also be sprinkling in other posts that i find especially funny.

as was said in the first post, these screenshots may cause eyestrain due to the sites fantastic color palette consisting of neon green, neon cyan, and neon pink. i will also not be providing image IDs for any of these, sorry.

a tasteful start to this post, to wet your appetite for whats to come.

simple, easy, to-the-point, just like the best of writers.

this one was in the first part too, but i hope that this time someone will finally answer his call..

above this line was a detailed description of how bad Santa wants to shit on dustin diamond. im deciding to spare you from this and only post the actually funny bit.

now, this wonderful youtube link *still works,* and here, i'll even embed it for you.

now, i dont watch doctor who, and either way this is only a little bit funny, but i still find it to be a nice relic.

don't we all, dearest dick in ass man

i love this one so much, such a good post. these guys are so good at posting

do you think he ever found a place to park his car?

alright, after that message it devolved into a lot of racism, and i dont wanna deal with that atm. sorry, shorter post this time ;^^ hope you enjoyed what i did find

[seidenbros]

Can i request a Geralt x fem!Reader Nsfw?

Reader is stealing stuff from rooms in the inn when she stumbles in the witcher's room without realizing but starts snatching stuff anyways until he catches her red handed and that leads to him punishing her (railing her rough basically with spanking and maybe bondage)?

You dont have to do this request if you dont want to as always:)

First of all: Thank you! Second of all... I haven't written that much smut so please bear with me. I thought I knew where I was going with this, but while writing it turned into different direction, but stilll... Not THAT much punishment in the end I think, but there is spanking and a little bondage included I guess. So I hope you enjoy this <3

(I’m always happy to receive requests, so if you want to, send some in. If you need inspiration, here are some prompt lists )

Warnings: smut 18+, minors DNI Word count: 2936

__________________

It wasn't the life you'd imagined when you'd been little. You'd always thought that you would get married, have a happy little family, but that apparently wasn't for you. You were barely twelve when your mother died, your father having abandoned you a long time ago, so it had only been you. Your aunt didn't want to take you in, so you lived on the street for some time. Others might say that you mingled with the wrong people, but they were the ones who provided you with food and shelter. They taught you how to steal without being noticed – or at least rarely get noticed. There were of course the times when people were hyper-vigilant and caught you red-handed, leaving you two options: start crying and hope for them to take pity on you or run. Running was usually the best option, especially after you'd grown up. People took pity on little girls, but not on grown-up women.

You were so used to stealing, that it had become a habit, a way to provide a life for you. Selling your body might have been an option, but that wasn't for you. Oh, you enjoyed sex, that wasn't the problem, but you rather liked to choose your partner. Stealing might land you behind bars one day, but there was also the thrill of it all. For fifteen years, you'd been perfecting your profession, knew when to leave for the next town or when to leave a tavern, but sometimes, you were a little too reckless for your own good.

You would only stay one more night here and then you'd leave. You'd already paid for your room – because that didn't raise any suspicions – so you were set for the night. Maybe, you should have gotten some food and then gone to bed, but you craved the thrill of stealing, so while most people were in the taverns and inns, enjoying their night, listening to some music, you sneaked into an Inn that you'd been watching most of the day already. It was loud downstarirs, songs were sung, people sang along, getting drunk, so it was no problem for you to get inside and into one of the rooms. Picking locks had never been a problem for you, and in case anyone found you, you could simply play the lost drunk and tell them that you were apparently in the wrong room. What? Oh the door wasn't locked, that was why you'd thought it was your room. Never shy of an explanation.

You were in the third room, your bags already full of valuables, when you noticed that this room was different. There wasn't any jewellery, no coin left beneath the pillow, but some other things. Vials full of potions in a leather bag. You decided to take them as well, because whatever was in them, you could definitely sell them.

When door behind you flew open, you couldn't help the shriek that escaped you lips. Eyes wide in shock, you turned around to look at the person standing there. Fuck. You should have realised whose room this was. You'd seen him around, the famous White Wolf, Geralt of Rivia, had felt his eyes on you, and it had sent excitement through your whole body, just like it did now, but it was also mixed with something else.

“Ahhh sorry, am I in the wrong room again?” You tried, though you knew that he would see right through you, but you were desperate. It wasn't like you could jump right out the window – and he'd probably get to you, before you even reached the window. So, you tried to walk past him, mumbling an apology.

“Oh, I think you're in the right room for what you want to do, sweetheart.” The Witcher's voice was a low rumble in his chest, when he grabbed your wrist and pulled you back, kicking the door shut with his foot.

Sweetheart.

That one word sent a shiver down your spine. Seeing him around had already given you all kinds of thoughts, but being this close to him, the situation potentially dangerous to you, just added to the sensation coursing through your body.

“I don't know what you mean...” You looked up at him, trying to look as innocent as possible, while your heart was beating rapidly in your chest. Play dumb, that's what you'd been taught. “I'm just lost, stumbled in the wrong room.”

“Wrong room, my ass.” He tightened his grip around your wrist, pulling you towards him now so that you were flush against his chest. “What am I gonna find if I look through your bags, hm?” His voice was low, his lips brushing the shell of your ear, that was how close he was to you. You knew deep down that you should try to get away, to get out of his grip and run, but you couldn't. Not when his mere presence sent arousal through your whole body, pooling between your legs.

“Busted,” you simply said, biting your bottom lip. You knew that he wouldn't rat you out and sent you behind bars. There was something else entirely in the air and it made you knees nearly give in. you couldn't remember the last time you'd felt this way, which was why you weren't really afraid, rather excited. “What are you gonna do about it?” you asked breathlessly, hating yourself a little for the way he made you feel, because you were usually so confident, but the way he looked at you, the way the whole room was filled with his presence, did things to you that you couldn't even begin to describe.

“I think someone needs a little punishment. To show you that you shouldn't steal from a Witcher.”

“But what if I scream?”

“I doubt that they'd hear you downstairs.” He pulled back just enough to look into your eyes, his own yes blown wide. His hand came down to clamp sown on your ass, pulling you against him, making you painfully aware of the bulge in his trousers. “And I think the only screaming you'll be doing is from pleasure. I can smell your arousal, woman.”

An involuntary moan escaped your lips, before you pressed your lips together. He was doing things to you and your body with his words already, so you were curious what he would be able to to with his hands, his lips, everything.

He backed you up until your calves hit the bed, but you remained standing.

“Take off your clothes,” he demanded, letting go of your wrist.

“What if I don't?” you asked, feeling cocky for a second, but only until you saw the smirk on his lips that made you shiver in anticipation again.

“Then I'll have to rip them off your body and you'll have to get back to your room with practically no clothes. So what's it gonna be?” Geralt crossed his arms, keeping his eyes firmly on you. Oh, he didn't think that you'd make a run for the door, not when you wanted this as much as he wanted it. He could smell it, hear it in your increased heartbeat, see it in your eyes – and all these things only made him want you even more. He'd seen you a couple of times, had even seen you steal from someone, but that hadn't been his business. But you'd taken up more space in his head than he'd ever admit.

You didn't answer him with words, but instead took off your clothes, your eyes on him all the while, watching his every reaction. You could see him swallow when you exposed your breasts, but he didn't move, simply watched you. Once you were completely naked in front of him, you felt utterly exposed, but one look into his lust-filled eyes made your confidence return to you, because you did that to him.

“On the bed,” he commanded, while he rid himself of his own shirt. You couldn't help but watch him reveal his magnificent body. You didn't mind the scars, they all told different stories and only made him more interesting. “Do I have to repeat myself?”

That made you snap to attention again. Even though you would have liked to look him up and down for a little longer, you turned around and got on the bed, excited to see what would happen next. The sheets beneath your body were cool against your skin, sending goosebumps across your body, making your nipples stiffen.

Geralt was on top of you in a matter of seconds, covering your body with his, and finally, finally crashing his lips to yours. It wasn't a sweet kiss, it was absolutely carnal and you loved it. It was what you needed, what you both apparently needed. You moaned into the kiss, your hands coming up to run through his hair, your fingernails scraping over his neck, digging into his shoulder when he scraped his teeth against your bottom lip.

He let go of your lips with a smirk, but quickly leaned down to press wet kisses along your neck, your collarbone and further down until he reached your right nipple, pulled it into his mouth without warning, making you gasp. Your fingers travelled down his back to his trousers. You needed him to get rid of them, because you wanted all of him, but before you could reach the front of his trousers, he grabbed your hand and pulled it away. Slowly, he sat up between your legs, looking down at you.

“Turn around!”

Your first instinct was to ask him why you should do this, but you thought better of it and followed his instructions. While you were still in your knees and upright, he pulled you back against his chest, the warmth radiating off him, seeping into your own skin. When you felt his lips against your pulse point, you let out a whimper, surprising yourself, but in the next moment, his hand was between your legs. He nudged his leg between your thighs to spread them a little bit further to give him access to your wet folds. His fingers slid between them easily, making him chuckle against your skin.

“You're so wet and ready...” His fingers circled your clit painfully slow, but when he touched out directly, you let out another moan, threw your head back and closed your eyes. Geralt watched your every reaction, especially when he traced his fingers along your entranced and pushed two inside with ease.

“Fuck!” Your fingernails dug into his forearm due to the sheer pleasure of what he was doing to you. You couldn't keep still, though, moved your hips to rub your ass against his groin and fuck yourself on his fingers, but you stopped immediately when he slapped your thigh with his other hand.

“Behave!” the Witcher chastised, his words making you mewl, but you complied, happy when he moved his fingers again, pushing them in and out, getting faster before he added a third finger. The heel of his hand rubbed against your most sensitive spot, bringing you closer and closer to the edge.

“Geralt...” you managed to get out between moans. “I'm gonna...” you couldn't finish your sentence, because the sensation that flooded your body when his hand found your nipple and squeezed it tight, made you curse under your breath.

“Let go... Be a good girl and come for me!”

That sent you over the edge, made you reach your climax, your walls clamping down on his fingers, as you enjoyed every sweet wave of pleasure that wrecked your body. You needed a moment before you could open your eyes again, still breathing heavily. Geralt wrapped his arm around your middle and leaned forward. He grabbed a pillow to put it beneath you, so that you lay comfortably. You needed a moment until you realised what was going on, but he was using his own shirt to tie your hands together and then tie them to the bedpost.

“What...”

“Oh don't think we're done already,” Geralt said with a smug grin on his face. “I told you, you needed a little punishment, though I'm not sure if you'll really consider it a punishment in the end, judging by the way you've acted so far.”

He ran his hands up the backs of your thighs and gave your asscheek a firm slap once he got there. You shivered involuntarily letting out another mewl. You wouldn't admit it out loud, but you did enjoy it, felt tuned on by it, but you were sure that you didn't even have to tell him that, that he already knew. Being in front of him on your knees, hand tied up should make you feel vulnerable, but you didn't. Instead, you felt more aroused than you'd ever felt before.

“You gonna be a good girl?” he asked, and you could hear him take off his trousers. You managed to turn a little bit so that you could look at him, watch him get undressed. He caught your eye once his trousers had dropped to the floor. “Well?” His voice more demanding this time.

“Yes,” you answered breathlessly, shivering again when you saw him approach, feel his weight on the bed. He wrapped his own hand around his dick, giving himself a few firm strokes. Your eyes lingered there for a moment, but then they flickered up. “Fuck me!” you heard yourself say, wanting to feel him inside you.

“Try that again,” he said, his palm smacking down on your ass, harder than before. Instinctively, you tugged on the shirt that was tying your hands up, but you couldn't get them free. Not that you really wanted, the feeling of not being able to get away, not being able to move or even touch him, only making you wetter.

“Fuck me, please!” you corrected yourself.

“Now, was that so hard?” he asked teasingly, gently caressing the spot where he'd just slapped you with his fingers, before he wrapped his hand around your waist. When you felt the tip of his dick against your entrance, you had to resist the urge to move towards him, to finally feel him, but you didn't have to wait long. In one swift move, he pushed inside you until he was buried completely. Your knees buckled at the feeling of pleasure and pain all rolled into one, but Geralt didn't give you a moment to adapt to his length, his girth. His fingers dug into your skin, sure to leave marks for the next day, as he started fucking you, not slowly, not gently, fast and hard thrusts that left you gasping for air. It wasn't what you were used to – it was better.

“Fuck... Geralt...” you managed to get out between moans, not able to stay still anymore, so you rocked your hips back to meet his thrusts. This time, he let you, but he slapped you ass again, because by now he knew how much you liked it, that it enhanced the pleasure for you.

“Such a needy girl... you're taking me so good,” he leaned down and growled the words into your ear, before he started kissing your shoulder. He reached around your body to touch your breasts, to squeeze them making you sigh in pleasure. He felt his own climax approaching quickly, which lead to his hand caressing your stomach only to vanish between your legs to caress the little bundle of nerves.

“Fuck... Fuck... I...” you muttered not able to form complete sentences anymore, but he was probably used to that already. Your second high of the night made your legs tremble, your walls contract around him. This pulled Geralt over the edge as well, his movements more erratic than before as he filled you with his seed. A deep guttural grown left his lips, his grip on your waits tightening, leaving bruises there as well.

For a moment, the room was filled with heavy breathing, panting, as you both came down from your orgasm. Geralt ran his fingertips along your arms, rather gentle in comparison to just moments ago, to untie you, free you from his shirt around your wrists. Soft kisses were pressed against your shoulder before he rose again and pulled out of you. When he got up, though, you were confused for a moment, but when he returned with a cloth to clean you up, you were absolutely stunned. You'd never been with a man who'd cared about that, definitely not someone who had taken care of you. Nobody had bothered, but Geralt. The oh so crude Witcher that you should fear, but if you were honest, you'd never felt better in the presence of a man.

“And you think you punishment will keep me from stealing from a Witcher?” you asked amused, rolling onto your stomach. You put you head in your hands to look at him.

“Maybe, I'll need to punish you a few more times. Can't risk you stealing from the wrong Witcher and getting yourself in real trouble.”

“But what if I like trouble?”

“As long as that trouble is only with me... you won't have to fear anything.”

You'd probably take it as as lesson to not steal from Witchers anymore, except for one. You would always steal from Geralt if it meant that this was going to be your punishment.

[manonblaqkbeak]

Motel Living

this idea would not leave me alone, despite me having like three other fics barely done. it is very random. i dont even know what to say lol.

2554 words

enjoy!

Today was officially the one month anniversary of Aelin moving into a three-star motel. She did not think she'd be here for long, a couple of weeks at most, but here she was a month later, and on a Friday night no less. She should have been out with her friends, but she opted to stay inside.

She had to tell herself that she shouldn't complain. That there were people that were worse off than her. Living in a motel was fine.

But it still didn't change the fact that Aelin wished she wasn't living in a motel room. Especially one that was popular with long haul truckers whose snores sounded like chain saws and blenders on the highest level. That right now, down in the restaurant/pub that was only six doors down, an important football game was playing and the patrons inside were cheering wildly.

Aelin missed the house that she had been renting the last three years. Last year she had decided to start saving so that she could purchase the house itself, since it was still on the market since the day she moved in. It was hard, but Aelin was a determined woman and she set her sights on purchasing the house—she felt like she practically owned it anyway—up until the day she received a call from the real estate agency telling her that the house had been purchased and she had to move out.

Aelin disliked crying, but the waterworks started the minute she hung up. She really did love that house. Had created a small vegetable and herb garden to make it feel more homely. Made it hers in the three years she had occupied it.

There was a tiny silver-lining, however, since the new owners were coming from the other side of the continent, she had plenty of time to pack and move out.

But that silver-lining quickly disappeared once she started her search for a new home in-between packing and work. Every apartment, every house, every unit she looked out at was taken by the time she handed in her application. Every inspection starting to become fruitless when she knew that she wouldn't be the one to live in it.

Aelin hadn't realised that the market had become so cut-throat. She knew she was the perfect applicant because in all her years renting she never missed a single day, never received a complaint. Even when the landlord dragged his ass to fix something, Aelin kept her temper in its leash and did not throttle him the way she wanted too.

And as her luck ran out and Aelin had started to truly worry about where she was going to live because while she had multiple people in her life, she quickly realised that she couldn't ask any of them if she could move in for multiple reasons:

Aedion and Lysandra were recently married, and Aelin hadn't wanted to burst their newlywed bubble.

Chaol and Yrene were brand new parents, their baby girl born the day Aelin moved out, and she knew the last thing they wanted was someone else in the way.

Nehemia was in the same position as her, but her parents had invited her back home while Nehemia looked for somewhere else. Aelin's parents were dead, and her childhood home had been destroyed in a wildfire a five years ago, and Aelin had used the insurance money to pay off her debts. She cursed herself now for doing that, but Aelin hated being in debt and she did what she had too.

Fenrys lived in a one bedroom unit and had the worlds most uncomfortable couch, so he was out. And while Fenrys was one of her best friends, she didn't really talk with Connall, his twin. Nor did she often talk with Vaughn.

Dorian and Manon were travelling all over Erilea and Dorian's younger brother Hollin was house-sitting. Aelin couldn't stand Hollin for more than a few minutes at a time and she would rather live in the motel for a year than live in with him.

And then there was Rowan. He had been a close friend for years, until five months ago they decided that they had liked each other too much to keep being friends and officially started dating (at Lysandra and Aedion's wedding, of all places). If they had been together for longer, she would have asked him—but she didn't want to rush anything, because Aelin could so clearly see a future with him and she didn't want to hurt that future by moving in far too early in their relationship.

So that left Elide, her lifelong friend that was more like a sister. Elide was purely on the bottom of the list since she knew her friend cherished living alone after living in a shit-hole with her even shittier uncle—but Aelin knew Elide and if Aelin needed a place to stay, then Elide's door would be wide open. The two had gone to lunch and Aelin had been just moments away from telling Elide everything and asking for a world changing favour.

Until Elide had excitedly announced that Lorcan was going to move in.

And Aelin's plan had deflated. Again, Aelin knew that if Elide was aware of how desperate she was, Elide would invite Aelin to stay, but since Lorcan and Aelin didn't particularly get along, Aelin kept her mouth shut and congratulated her friend for the new milestone in their relationship.

So, all her options completely exhausted, Aelin looked for vacant motels, found that this was the best out of all the options and became a long-standing tenant.

Aelin had managed to keep everyone away from her new apartment by claiming that it wasn't ready for visitors. Most knew that Aelin was house-proud, a trait that she had inherited from her late mother, so they knew that when Aelin was ready, she would invite them.

It was getting hard, however, to keep Rowan away. Each date night and hang out ended up at his apartment and Rowan was becoming curious as to how her new place was looking.

Rowan wasn't judgemental, and he wouldn't look down at her for living in a motel room, but Aelin was the problem; she was too proud to show him her new place. Even when she was at her lunch with Elide, she had to beat down her pride at just the mere thought of asking Elide if she could move in.

Tonight, however, Aelin knew in her bones that Rowan would ask to come over. He had a completely shitty day at work—one that ended up in the hospital because for the first time in his career as a carpenter, Rowan had somehow gotten his hand in the way of his nail gun and shot right through the middle of his palm and was off work until it healed, which Rowan hated the most out of the whole ordeal, since Rowan was the type of person that always had to be doing something.

So when his face finally popped up on her phone screen, Aelin muffled a groan into her pillow (because there was no way in hell she was using the standard sheets the motel provided, she needed her bedding or she wouldn't get any sleep), took a deep breath and plastered a smile onto her face.

“How's the hand?” she asked by way of greeting.

“It'd be a lot better if there wasn't a hole in it,” was his groggy reply. “I just woke up from the longest nap and thought of you.”

“That's sweet of you to say,” Aelin said, “do you want me to come over? I could cook you my world famous grilled cheese.” Please say yes, she thought, please.

“As much as I love the sound of that, I just need to get out of my house,” Rowan said, “I know that you're house-proud and if you don't want me to see it, I understand, I'll even wear a blind fold if that'll make you happy, but I just...” he trailed off and Aelin could see his pained expression even though they were miles apart.

“Seeing all your work tools is making you miserable,” she supplied. Rowan grunted in confirmation. Taking a deep breath, Aelin said, “You can come over, I don't mind. I'd be happy to see you.” And she would be. She'd just have to kick her pride in the corner. “There's a pub right around the corner from mine and the cheeseburgers they have are really fucking good, and I mean that sincerely. Do you want me to get you one? Because I only have snacks and canned food at the moment.”

“A burger sounds good, with extra tomato, please.”

Aelin smiled. “Of course, I'll text you the address, and I'll see you soon.”

After ordering their dinner, Aelin tidied up (even though the space was immaculate) and waited, and waited. When a gentle knock sounded at her door, Aelin took the food from the restaurant worker and was just about to go back in when Rowan's truck pulled up.

Even ten car spots away, Aelin could see his puzzled expression from where she stood. Placing the food on the small, round dining table, Aelin waited by the door and gave Rowan her best smile when he stood in front of her.

His puzzled expression melted away momentarily when she kissed him hello, but it was back in full force when they pulled away.

“Fireheart,” was all he said, and it said everything that he didn't say.

“I know.”

“You're living in a motel room.” There was no judgement in his voice, like she knew there wouldn't be, but it was clear that he was confused about the whole thing. She should have just told him. She loved her late mother, but really hated the fact that she had passed her pride to Aelin. She hated the fact that, deep down, she was embarrassed, even if Aelin told herself that she had no reason to. The housing market was insane, there was no where else for her to go, and that she hated herself for not saving more money to buy her home of three years.

“I am,” Aelin said, “but it's not so bad. It's affordable and clean.” Aelin invited him inside and sat him down the small dining table.

From his spot, he took in the space. Saw the bar fridge that could barely hold a bags worth of cold food, her toaster oven and the dual butane stove she had to purchase because she didn't want to have to use the toaster oven all the time. The tiny closet that held a decent amount of clothes, but didn't make a dent in her considerable mountain of clothes that she had put away in the storage unit she was renting.

None of her candles were in sight and no books either. Aelin was taking full advantage of her library apps, but it wasn't the same. Aelin loved the feeling of a book in her hands, but there was no space and it would have been silly to bring in her bookcases.

“Where's all your stuff?”

“In a storage unit. I considered living in there, but it doesn't have an air-conditioner and this place does.”

Before Rowan could say anything, Aelin turned on the TV, put on whatever movie sounded dumb enough and ate her dinner.

Aelin could see the question burning in his eyes as she stuffed her mouth to avoid answering that very question.

Why didn't Aelin ask if she could stay with him?

Aelin wanted to tell him, she really did, but was afraid that if she showed how serious she was, Rowan might admit that he wasn't as serious as her.

But Aelin knew herself, knew that she was going to tell him at one point or another. She could tell Rowan anything and he wouldn't flinch. It was her own doubt stopping her.

“That really is the best burger I've ever had,” Rowan said when he was finished.

“It really is,” was all Aelin could think of to say. Gods, she felt so damned awkward. The question was still in Rowan's eyes, even as he laughed at the movie and its stupidity. So to avoid it for a bit longer, Aelin took the take-away boxes into the dumpster outback and immediately went for a shower afterwards.

When she came out, Rowan was lounging on her bed, his injured hand laying across his chest, the other arm fiddling with her comforter. Aelin dressed in a shirt that she may have borrowed without asking from Rowan and a pair of sleep shorts.

Borrowing underneath her comforter, Aelin rested her head on Rowan's chest and the awkwardness she felt deflated a bit as he pressed a kiss on her head.

Aelin told him how she ended up here. Including her embarrassment and annoyance at herself. Rowan listened attentively, as he always did. That was one of the biggest things she loved about him, that he listened. And Aelin was in love with him, she knew without a doubt. She was certain she fell in love with him when he danced with her at Aedion and Lysandra's wedding.

When the credits started to roll, Aelin took a deep breath and decided to plunge into uncharted territories. She kept her eyes glued onto the screen.

Aelin decided to bite the bullet. If it all went to hell, she would beat herself up later.

“I don't want to fuck things up with you.” Well, that wasn't how she wanted to start this conversation, but she supposed it was the best way to start off. “I wanted to ask you if I could move in, but our relationship is just so new, and I didn't want to ruin our future, because I can see a future with you, Rowan.” Moving so that she could look Rowan in the eye, Aelin took the deepest plunge imaginable and told him, “I love you, Rowan. I'm in love with you.”

The smile he gave her was the most beautiful she'd ever seen. “I love you, too, Aelin.” Reaching down to kiss her, all of Aelin's doubts melted away. When he pulled back, Rowan said softly, “If you wish to ask, I'll say yes. Because I see a future with you too. You're the one for me.”

“Rowan, can I move in with you?”

He kissed her again. “Yes, you can.”

Aelin's cheeks were started to become sore from all her smiling. Maybe it was a good thing after all that she ended up living here.

Hours later, after another bad movie and celebrating the new milestone in their relationship (which was mainly Aelin laughing as she rode Rowan because he kept forgetting about his injured hand), Aelin and Rowan got ready for bed, and as Aelin rested her head on his chest again, she said, “Just to let you know, I'm going to replace your mattress for mine, because yours is hard as stone.”

“That's exactly why I'm letting you move in, I'm in the market for a new mattress.”

Aelin playfully whacked his chest and muttered what a buzzard he was, but soon fell asleep with a smile on her face, ready for her future with Rowan.

[onf-headcanons]

ONF in Demon AU

A/N : Is clearing idea dumps from drafts, this would be the second version of modern AU 

Hi, does anyone remember the idea of illegitimate child of Satan from here and a random Lucifer!Hyojin moodboard here?

ALSO YOU TOTALLY CAN IMAGINE THIS IN A REVERSE WAY, ANGEL AU (where reader is a reincarnation version fragment of Archangel but this one idea dump/establishment will be done for another day)

ALSO you can totally imagine it as deity AU, example that you are Zeus reincarnation but you awaken late and you need to stop Kronos for his rampage. Or even you are Odin and you need to stop Modern version Ragnarok this time. And ONF members could be tie with other Greek/Roman gods. This one will be fun should OH MY GIRL and B1A4 are tied in too. Its just idea I am not sure if I will expand this. But discussions are welcome

(There is no harm to think it as late Victorian or any other era you like, it is just I felt it is better to write in a familiar timeline as I dont want to do something wrong)

So below are just a few establishment for the AU, I am not gonna divide this into 2 scenarios so warning this is going to be long post.

Ok even though I did mentioned illegitimate or forgotten child. This is plausible for your family comes from bloodline that related to demonXhuman ancestors.

Also it truly depends on you. Making into a throne inheritance war or

Reader come of age and their soul are reincarnated royal demon (not neccesary Satan) so there are some demons/demoness guarding you from you are still a child (kinda like those 2 characters from Good omens or Maleficent)

for the above idea, readers magical heritage only awaken once they pass a certain birthday 16, 18 or 20 or 21, up to you. So you suddenly can see mythical creatures.

It could be your bloodline awakened but you are not that qualified to ascend throne or because of your human blood you cannot hide yourself from angel/demon hunter so you have your own demon guardians

Lets say you are imagining on something big world building, again derived from the establishment for familiar au, it is definitely plausible for you to have other "candidates" and they have their demonic godparents/guardians as well

Example, should you go for inheritance war type, maybe you have a distant related sibling(s). It will be fun if you, have ONF members as your guardians while your sibling(s) have other kpop groups. Presumably to name, Dreamcatcher, ONEUS, ATEEZ, PENTAGON or ASTRO... in short its totally flexible.

To add, (and this is an idea i use to draft for fake pilot episode for a homework I worked), you could tally idols and number of idols you wanna integrate into the story to "Lesser Ley of Solomon", linking your bloodline towith King Solomon (*disclaimer, loosely based mythically). 72 demons, how many demons for 1 person is totally depend on you. Whether number of demons/demoness one have on their side equals to their power/ability (or even how many support they obtain) is up to you.

(and disclaimer I am not Christian this is just an idea dump so dont start cultural bashing. again this ia just an idea dump and I am not planning to touch sensitive issues yet.)

Ok enough world building, lets move to story wise.

You could be growing in orphanage it adds more mystery of your bloodline/heritage or similar to the familiar au, living with your family but your family later died on accident. Your parents bloodline combine making you are the perfect vessel for the reincarnation or maybe its a tradition like every 100 hundred years you will reincarnate or something. Again its flexible.

The moment you realize you are seeing things was you noticed similar aura of each person appeared on similar day. You might not get to see who is watching before you actually confronted to the air that you will contact the police

You might really go file a report but after several times the police be like dear there is no a single soul stalking you tho

then out of depressed, you accidentally get yourself into accident and your demon guardian shows up.

Or, because you started to able to see mythical creatures. Mythical creatures starts to notice your existence as well. And that somewhat gives off your location to other candidates through gossiping (should this is inheritance war type of story). Then your guardian show up to protect you when you are attacked by rival sibling’s demons.

Could be you visited some witch to get your ability to see mythical creatures covered up? Recommended by a friendly non related sibling or a friend you made/could be angel?

You thought you only got one but it surprised  you that you actually got 7 (later 6)

As this was different from summoning because they are guardians either assigned or volunteered. There is no need for you to provide them anything. And different from familiar au, there is no need to leave them in your home. To ensure your safety they must follow you 247

For now I would be thinking our boys actually guards you in a daily shift. Example, Hyojin on Monday, Changyoon on Tuesday, Seungjun on Wednesday, Jaeyoung on Thursday, Minkyun on Friday, Yuto on Saturday, Minseok on Sunday. (after Minseok departs, the other members rotate themselves to do the Sunday shift)

Since their shift are like that, you sometimes take chance to hangout with them. Eating out with Hyojin, Arcades with Yuto. mostly happens Sunday.

I am thinking it might be fun which your predecessors of the throne are very eager to get the throne, you are just trying to keep out of trouble. So in another way, demon ONFs get to experience the modern human world in a more chill way, it was not just guarding you, but also trying to experience human world. You could like summon them?/keep them by your side just like a normal sibling (Especially if you are the type that grow up alone without any siblings)'

Cues in ONF members actually understand your preference and remembers them very well. So you could not help relying on them as days pass by.

You are defo gonna get an ultimate rival and a friend that shares the same circumstances as you. Maybe the first rival sibling ends up being your friend after they know you are not intending to compete. But there are some rivals are more aggressive out there.

Could be you knew a few demon hunters but they know you meant no harm and then they just let you go

It will be more fun if existences of your kind triggers inner civil war between demon hunters/angels. Because there is also some distant “siblings” of yours wish to live their live quietly but some parties does not agree of letting your kind roaming free and feeling the bloodline must end.

Should you are the type to compete for your birthright (because you are too irritated of people keep coming to kill you non stop). They are happy to serve you till the end as you embracing your darker side. (Well I am not sure to give ONF members and reader loveline here so I will not talk about it for now)For this version, to explain Minseok’s departure , I would prefer that Minseok is back at hell to be your team’s spy, monitoring all political moves and changes.There are still bottom line morality, you are not really slaughtering your way through. But you do make sure the other party wont come to look for trouble anymore.They are going to train you to make sure you are ready. Fighting in physical and magic.That friendly sibling joins on training you too. 

You are definitely getting strict critiques from Hyojin and Seungjun during the beginning of your training.

My preferences, you get a friendly sibling(s) where their demon guardians end up being BFF with yours. (RTK and MIXNINE side effect, sorry)

Characterization should be the same as those I have established from the familiar au. Just the world building and some settings that are slightly different.

Hyojin is to keep the trait of his preference on human food

Changyoon is to keep his nagging trait 

Seungjun might help you with studies (not solidify him as a nerd but there is tendency that he will)

Jaeyoung is more to the body guard type

Minkyun defo gonna make friends with stray animals (either you house ends up becoming pet shelter, you becoming a foster mom for animals or you cannot keep any because you are allergic but mental supporting Minkyun is up to you)

Yuto definitely is the quiet but alert type same goes with Minseok

My preference stereotype for them would be the cinnamon rolls that would kill

Sometimes they might go.. “ I am a known demon back in hell but why I am doing this babysitting shit?” 

But then ends up enjoying stuffs human does lol

Changyoon enjoying TikTok lol, they got famous because of their contents. 

Defo gonna have movie night.

It will be funny if ONFs as demons themselves, got scared at the monsters/ghosts seen in horror movies. Bonus if you actually not scared of horror movies. And they are gonna question you out of disbelief like why the hell are you not scared? How can you not even flinch a single bit?

Reason : monsters and ghosts imagined by human beings do not look the same based on their knowledge.

They sometimes show themselves to other humans but rarely. Mostly just being the unseen follower behind you.

Cues in sometimes they forgot they are invisible, and picks up something from the mart and it gave people a fright. Example, Changyoon or Minkyun passes through a nice outfit and just took the hanged outfit out to place in front of himself, only to realise what he did after looking into a mirror nearby

Hmm my thoughts, Jaeyoung and Minseok would be the ones who would always their visiblity when you are out with them.

Hyojin and Changyoon would be the ones who prefer to keep their invisibility

Copying from familiar au, should you attend college or university, people might thought some members of demon!ONF are your boyfriend.

At first when they changed pattern starts to live close to you, they could  not get the concepts of moral of human being well. You will be guiding them. 

Could happen that you are so pissed off by someone at work and you could not help but ranting when you are at home. 

(Of course the demon!ONF on that day saw what happened but you did insist on them to not do anything)

They might go like : “ Should I kill them for you?”

You : “What?”

Random ONF member : “I can do it to make look like an accident you know.”

You : “OMG NO”

You : “You know maybe you can try to mend things when they are trying to frame me on purpose.”

Random ONF member : “Gotcha”

For the you are not competing scenario, they would be always keeping you safe from harm until you died. Should you get married, you let them participated as relatives/friends. Cues in they even help you take care of your child later on. It could be even fun if you child does not inherit bloodline but they can see ONF members

I will stop here will write another post should i have more ideas to add.

Welp of course for a third option scenario, would be you being a supporter the friendly sibling of yours. You just wanna stay safe so you acted like an advisor role for that candidate, helping them to gain power but not participating directly. Like I said its flexible

For this one I would like to write it as you are just trying to chill with your quiet life but demon hunter, angels and aggressive candidates keeping coming at you.

Also for this one I would link to the point of unfavorable and forgotten child part.

Less favourable child gets assigned with less powerful or less aggressive demons

So for this story ONF aren't high class fighter demons at all. But they do excel in magics.

In opposite, you could the one who knows how to fight maybe because you are quite rebellious in personality.

The moment you found out there 3 parties wanna kill you and innocent less aggressive candidates, you snapped.

Maybe some candidates heard of your friendly sibling name and they rushed over to seek help. End up bump into you instead.

You : what kind of dad is *your biological demon dad name*?"

Cues in Demon ONF keep calming you down because they are afraid that rumours of you belittling your demon father might make their king angry

But you have your attitude and no shit is given. Because you understand that your life your destiny is in your own hands.

You : I wanted a peaceful life alone but now I have to deal with Angels, hunters and a bunch of siblings that I never met , never knew about each other, who all wants me dead.

You : its not fair.

To end it once and for all, you suggested to the friendly sibling to find other candidates that do not have any intentions to compete for throne. Form allies with them so that later own they could get votes for the throne and the rest of the gang could get a decorative chill title while living a peaceful life

Also suggested to the sibling of yours make use of the allies to protect less aggressive candidates

It worked politically. As most of the candidates work on slaughtering others to cut secure birthright, your ideal and policy of strengthen inner then tackle threat gain more favour. Finally your sibling gets the throne.

And you and your other members of allies might get duke duchess or something

This version of story would have and need slot of mind games. Political games as well. (Will be interesting to write but there will waaaaaay too much characters to take note.)

[revolutionary-demosthenes]

So to start off, here are some mini-bios of people who I’ll be talking about! This is going to be a long post, but it will make it easier to understand my future posts if you don’t know some of these people. I’m covering: Alexander Hamilton, John Laurens, Francis Kinloch, Lois Manoël de Vègobre, Johannes Von Müller, Charles Victor de Bonstetten, Alleyne Fitzherbert 1st Baron, St. Helens, and Thomas Gray.

John Laurens: You might’ve heard of him if you listen to Hamilton. John Laurens was born in Charleston, South Carolina. His father was Henry Laurens, a prominent South Carolinian who co-owned the largest slave trading house in North America, “Austin and Laurens.” Yeah. He pretty much was a terrible father and a terrible person. He would later become president of the congressional congress. His mother was named Eleanor Laurens. Her death when John was 16 marked a significantly traumatic event in his life, however in general, John Laurens was very well acquainted with death. He was the fourth child born in his family, but he was the oldest by the time he was four years old, his older siblings all dying at young ages. One can only speculate how these early losses affected young John, or Jack, as his family called him.

John was most likely tutored at a young age. He grew up in very privileged circumstances certainly, as his father was one of the most well-known and rich South Carolinians of the time. 

As John grew up, he became very studious and serious. His father viewed him as the most promising child of the Laurens children, and prayed he would not fall prey to gambling or women. At nearly thirteen, we find our first piece of evidence suggesting John Laurens might be gay. His father Henry Laurens writes, “Master Jack is too closely wedded to his studies to think about any of the Miss Nannies I would not have such a sound in his Ear for a Crown…” In other words, Henry Laurens noticed his son’s unusual lack of interest in girls. Of course, one could read it as a passing comment on how studious his son was, or just thankfulness that Henry’s ‘best’ son didn’t seem to be ‘tempted’ in any way, but this does still confirm that as a young teenager, (and some point out that this is the time when many boys go through puberty, and therefore discover their sexual interests,) John was NOT interested in ladies. 

As John grew even older, his father decided the time was ripe for some education in Europe. Some speculation has occurred that right before John left for Europe he painted a collection known as Pope Brown Collection of South Carolina Natural History. It contains 32 paintings of natural organisms, including many types of birds and plants. This is not confirmed, but it is of interest to many that John Laurens was a very good artist, and probably quite interested in art. Many have heard of the (in)famous turtle drawings John did. In truth, though John did draw the soft-shelled turtle for naturalist Alexander Garden, he most likely did not have an uncommon affection for that particular animal.

So, John soon found himself on a boat to Europe with his younger brothers, Henry jr. and James, known as Jemmy. They eventually settled in Geneva, staying with a family friend. 

But before we even get to Geneva, it is worth noting a passage from a letter by Henry Laurens. This was written while John was briefly enrolled in a school in London. While complaining about the many crimes and indulgences of the city, he mentions “…and every black and execrable Crime had gain’d in the City is equally astonishing and shocking.” Now this simply could be another thrown in crime in the long list that precedes this, but in those those days ‘black crime’ was sometimes a code for homosexuality. So was John exposed to homosexuality in London the way Hamilton was at Nevis? This could provide some context for his later relationship with Francis Kinloch.

In 1772, the Laurens boys arrived in Geneva. John studied a multitude of subjects, and polished up his French. While he fretted about finding his brothers proper schools, his Uncle James Laurens was concerned about a different aspect of his time. Geneva, which had been a theocracy at one point, was now very open to new, more secular ways of thinking. John assured his Uncle that he was not influenced by any of his teachers not being ‘classically’ Christian. But it may not be a coincidence that the place where John most likely had his first homosexual relationship was a place more open to new types of thinking and concepts, especially in terms of religion.

What exactly was this first relationship? To establish some context, we must return briefly to Charlestown, South Carolina. The Kinloch family lived there and did know the Laurens’s. The name ‘Kinloch’ appears in some of Henry Laurens’s papers, and apparently Francis Kinloch’s sister made John ruffles for his travels to Europe. But in 1774, as John was dutifully studying in Geneva, his father wrote to him “From a hint which Waag dropped at Bath tis expected by the freinds of the young Eatonian that he will find a freind in you at Genevé, tho none of ‘em have Said a word to me on the Subject.” This “freind” is in fact Francis Kinloch, so it may be that he and John had met before. 

John and Francis became very good friends along with one of Laurens’s tutors, Luis de Manoel de Vegobre. There is little documentation of the Kinloch-Laurens relationship whilst the latter was in Geneva, but once they were separated many letters were exchanged, several quite romantic sounding. What is quite possibly the most passionate line Laurens ever wrote to a lover is contained at the end of a letter to Francis. “We may differ in our political sentiments my dear Kinloch but I shall always love you for the knowledge I have of your Heart.” Kinloch was a loyalist, influenced by his guardian Thomas Boone, while John Laurens was obviously a patriot and the two debated hotly via letters. 

Another aspect that must be looked at when considering the Laurens-Kinloch relationship is the amount of trust in the relationship. The level of trust is apparent when we see John first express his abolitionist views in a letter to Kinloch,  “I could talk much with you my Dear Friend upon this Subject,” says John, referring to slavery. “and I know your generous Soul would despise and sacrifice Interest to establish the Happiness of so large a Part of the inhabitants of our Soil_  if as some pretend, but I am persuaded more thro’ interest, than from Conviction, the Culture of the Ground with us cannot be carried on without African Slaves, Let us fly it as a hateful Country_ and say ubi Libertas ibi Patria…” Kinloch responded that he supported the ideas, but did not see how fellow Southerners would adopt them. This only illustrates more clearly that though there were serious conflicts, theirs was a loving and trusting relationship. 

When John was forced to leave Geneva, (and he did want to stay… one wonders if Kinloch had something to do with this. It may have been other reasons, like that John felt freer from his father or enjoyed his rich social life.) he wrote a plaintive letter to Kinloch, telling him, “If my Letter is a little confused, dont be surprised at it, for I am quite like a creature in [a] new world…” 

  However, as if John hadn’t lost enough family in his mere nineteen years, his brother Jemmy lost his life that summer. The boy had apparently tried to jump to John’s window and had fractured his skull. John was with his brother through the horrible night. He wrote to his uncle James, “At some Intervals he had his Senses, so far as to be able to answer singe Questions, to beckon me, to form his Lips to kiss me, but for the most part he was delirious and frequently unable to articulate. Puking, Convulsions near very violent, and latterly so gentle as to be scarcely perceived, or deserve the Name, ensued, and Nature yielded.” It is notable that soon after this, John Laurens sent a letter to Francis Kinloch, whom he hadn’t corresponded with since late the year before, 1774. This again illustrates that though the relationship was not flawless or without conflict, Laurens trusted and confided in his friend/lover.

Now studying law at Middle Temple, John received an extremely upsetting letter from Francis Kinloch. Apparently Kinloch was ready to move on from their romance. He starts the letter with an almost deceptively affectionate opening, “Whatever may be your idea of my manner of thinking in political affairs, don’t let that hinder you from telling me yours, and I promise to be as free with you: we hold too fast by one anothers hearts, my dear Laurens, to be afraid of exposing our several opinions to each other.” But Kinloch signs the letter “be certain I shall never forget you.” Apparently John  saw this as Kinloch being done with him, and as a result did something that would change his life forever.

One of Henry Laurens’s business partners, William Manning, was in London the same time as John, and apparently young Laurens came to call occasionally and enjoyed the company of Manning’s children. This is where he met Martha Manning. There is one piece of evidence to suggest that they were courting for a time, however all we know for sure is that Martha became pregnant around the time the last Kinloch letter reached John, and John Laurens was forced to marry the woman, certainly not because he loved her. “Pity has obliged me to marry.” John  wrote to his uncle. It could be that if they were courting prior to the pregnancy, the relationship was one-sided, or was an attempt for John be seen as straight. 

Though John was now married, he was yearning to leave his unhappy marriage and fight for America. An ardent patriot and abolitionist, he longed to go overseas and join the army. Henry Laurens tried his best to hinder his son’s want, but found that John was no longer a child he could bend to his will. So, John boarded a ship to America, not knowing, and possibly not caring, that he was leaving his wife behind. 

Henry Laurens, being a very prominent Carolinian and future president of the Continental Congress, managed to get his son an excellent position as Aide-de-Camp to general George Washington, though John was not officially appointed the position until October 6th or 7th. He joined the staff in August 1777, and met Alexander Hamilton, a man who would change his life forever.

Alexander Hamilton:

In quite a contrast to John Laurens’s privileged, if morbid childhood, future Founding Father Alexander Hamilton was born out of wedlock on the tiny island of St Croix to Rachel Facuette and James Hamilton in either the year 1755 or 1757. (There is great debate over his birth year. Hamilton himself used 1757, but a large amount of evidence from his childhood points to 1755. For time’s sake, we will use 1755.) Hamilton adored books and writing, but was hindered in his intellectual dreams by the grim circumstances he was brought up in. 

Hamilton had a single brother, James, also born out of wedlock. When Hamilton was 12 his mother died of smallpox, quite common at the time. Alexander was also sick, however he recovered, albeit he always had health problems most likely connected to the early brush with mortality.

Where Alexander grew up, blacks outnumbered whites by a ratio of nearly 8:1, so there was existential tension in the air, a constant fear of sugar plantation owners that the slaves would revolt. Indeed, the slave owners were so cruel to their slaves that things Hamilton witnessed as a child appear to have given him a permanent pessimism about human nature. In addition to the rich white landowners and enslaved blacks, there was a population of poor whites and criminals. St. Croix was a place where outcasts in society at the time were sent as well. This included people accused of sodomy (homosexuality). Ron Chernow writes in his biography of Alexander Hamilton, “Hamilton had certainly been exposed to homosexuality as a boy, since many ‘sodomites’ were transported to the Caribbean along with thieves, pickpockets, and others deemed undesirable.” This may explain why Hamilton seemed more at ease with his sexuality than Laurens, who grew up in a more strict, to say the least, household.

After his mother’s untimely death, Alexander and his brother lived with their cousin Peter Lytton. Unfortunately, very soon after the arrangement began, Peter took his own life, leaving the boys with practically no place to go. 

Alexander managed to get a job clerking for a prominent businessman. It is no stretch to assume that this is where Hamilton began his economic studies. While Alexander managed to get a good job, his brother was stuck being a carpenter and competing with others for work. Ron Chernow points out that this is again an example of Hamilton’s superior intellect pulling him out of ditches.

When Alexander was seventeen, a horrible storm shook the island of St. Croix. Hamilton wrote a beautiful and moving account of the hurricane, and this led to people raising enough money for him to enroll in King’s College in New York City. 

Louis Manoël de Vegobre:

A Swiss lawyer who met Francis Kinloch and John Laurens while in Geneva. His early life is pretty elusive, as he does not even have a wikipedia page. He was a math teacher, and John Laurens’s math tutor. John Laurens taught him English, and both Kinloch and Laurens seem to have taught Vegobre to love America, as he grew despairing when he heard about the challenges of the war in America. The book, Evolution of a Federalist: William Loughton Smith of Charleston (1758-1812) says of Vegobre, “When the first rumblings reached Europe, de Vegobre wrote Laurens: ‘Poor America!—you cannot believe how much me heart is moved on its account; you, and after you Kinloch have raised in my mind such a concern for your native country! I am as much affected for what happens to it, as if I were an American…. English friends, I will, I will see you in your country, before I die!’”

Vegobre was likely in a romantic relationship with Kinloch. He wrote to John Laurens in December 1774: “Let me tell you what are these pleasures whose you are the first cause.  I began to understand speaken; I read Spectator, Clarissa, Milton and Shakespear, besides some philophical books.  Never, never in my life I have been so well entertained as I am when I read Milton; and why?  First, for Poet’s excellency, and secondly and chiefly because I read it with Kinloch.  My beloved, my dearest friend is Kinloch; how happy am I, when I teach him some part of natural Philosophy, when I read with him both English and French Poets, when I talk with him about various matters plainly and heartily as with a friend!  Let me say again: Kinloch is my beloved, my dearest friend.”

Charles Victor de Bonstetten (Karl Victor von Bonstetten in German):

A writer from Switzerland, he was educated partly in Geneva, where he would develop the liberal beliefs that alarmed his father enough to make him return to Bern, where Bonstetten was born. He introduced the people of the Ticino Valley to potatoes.

He appears to have had a romance with Johannes Von Müller and Thomas Gray (I will be posting about the Gray- Bonstetten relationship very soon)

Johannes Von Müller:

A historian who’s life goal was to compile a giant master history book on Switzerland. He was a teacher of Greek, and later appointed office by Napoleon himself. He wrote many history books, and traveled throughout Europe throughout his life. 

Letter from Müller to Bonstetten: “Any mistakes I may make in the future will be your fault; that is only if you neglect your letter-writing – your friendship can never grow cold – might I let myself be surprised by a passion. Tell me why I love you more as time passes. You are now incessantly in me and around me. My dearest friend, how much better it is to think of you than to live with the others! How is it possible to desecrate a heart that is consecrated to you? I need you more than ever; over and above these immutable, laudable plans for a useful life and an immortal name I have forsworn everything that is considered to be pleasant and delightful – not only pleasure but love, not only revels, but good living, not only greed, but ambition. B. is everything to me, you make all my battles easy and all abstinence sweet. Thus you live in my mind and especially in my heart. You write to me often, but it does not seem enough to me; you often address only the historian, and do not embrace your friend often enough.” 

Thomas Gray:

I stumbled upon this man while researching Bonstetten and Müller. I came upon the book My Dear Boy: Gay Love Letters Through the Centuries. I saw that one of the essays in the book was entitled Thomas Gray & Charles- Victor de Bonstetten. Intrigued, I clicked on the essay, and then from there I somehow managed to find the archive of a full biography of Gray. Thomas Gray was an English poet. He was/is pretty famous, but not super well-known, partially because he did not publish much in his lifetime. Thomas Gray’s childhood was marred with sadness. He had nearly a dozen siblings, but none except him lived past babyhood. He stayed with his mother once he had left his father, who was abusive. He was born in 1716 and died in 1771.

Francis Kinloch: 

John Laurens’s first boyfriend. He was also born in Charleston (then Charles Town) and educated at Eton College. After this he went to Geneva, where he met John Laurens. He later hosted what I call Kinloch’s Gay Retreat, in which he had Johannes Von Müller, Charles Victor de Bonstetten, and Alleyne Fitzherbert, 1st Baron, St. Helens stay with him.

Alleyne Fitzherbert, 1st Baron, St. Helens:

I haven’t been able to find anything gay about him except he was apparently lord of the bedchamber for George III, and find words.info says this about lord of the bedchamber: “A Lord of the Bedchamber's duties consisted of assisting the King with his dressing, waiting on him when he ate in private, guarding access to him in his bedchamber and closet and providing companionship.” So… possible? Maybe, but King George III also had like 20 other Lords of the Bedchamber. Also fun fact: Mt. St. Helens is named after him!

Hope this was informative!

[deadly-cipher]

Dear Alternative Community Gatekeepers, Stop

Alternative is not a label which you can give to one 'group' of people. alternatives are non conformists who have no social group. you cant recognise an alternative person by what they wear or look like, so dont try to. they dont all wear the same clothes (like moshers, chavs, goths, indies or any other group of people who try to be individual but all seem to like the same stuff, wear the same clothes and only listen to music which their friends like). alternative people enjoy listening to whatever the hell they like, because they dont just like one type of music, they may just enjoy music on a whole, or it may just depend what kind of a mood they are in to what kind of music they listen too at that time. although this term is based around mysic it also applys to clothes as i said above many groups try to all wear the same stuff in order to fit in, alternatives wear whatever they like, if its designer, and they like it, they will wear it. if its got the name of a band on, and they like it, they will wear it. if there is a song which is by slipnot, and they like it, they will listen to it. if there is a song, which is by eminem, they will listen too it. Punk is not about a certain hair colour, style, or music, although music does take a large part in most punks lives.  Punk is about liking what you like, being yourself, saying what you think and FUCK ALL THE REST.  You don't need a two foot high red mohawk to be a punk, although that is wicked cool. You don't need sleeves, a backpiece, or any tattoos at all to be punk. You don't need a Misfits, Casualties, Sex Pistols or any band like that jacket to be punk. You don't need anything to be punk except for awareness, self respect, respect for others and an open mind. A Goth is someone who sees beauty in the dark side of life. Today's society is focused on negating darkness because it is associated with evil. Think about it - in almost every fairy tale, who is the antagonist? The brunette. Who is the protagonist? The blonde. Dark is evil, evil is bad, and therefore we should wipe all trace of it from our lives. Unfortunately, that's simply not possible. No matter how hard society tries, people still die. Day turns into night. Love becomes loss. It's a fact of life. So while everyone else is denying an entire half of life, the Goths embrace ALL of life, good and bad. Goths understand that the best and most lasting joy is tinged with a little sadness, and that all love is bittersweet. Goths understand that not everybody has to be happy 24/7, and that the way to succeed is not by pretending you are. Sunlit skies are beautiful, yes, but so are dark cloudy ones. What is white without black? What is a rose without thorns? Thus, by embracing the shadows as well as the sun, Goths are, in many cases, actually more emotionally healthy than those in mainstream society.  Emo is an emotional person. They are not depressed all the time and some are acually very happy at times. They do smile, they don't sit in a corner crying all day. Some are actually quite popular and laugh and joke around lots. NB: Emo does not mean the person cuts themselves, they might but that is not why they're emo. The word "scene" coves a large spectrum throughout recent history, but its most modern definition is used to describe certian subcultures and movements. The most notoriously famous and targeted is the alternative music scene, or more specifically, branches of the alternative music scene such as hardcore, indie, fashoionxcore, etc. A breed of scenesters (people on the scene) has begun to come to the forefront. These scenesters are usually very music-savvy and loyal to a few specific genres (typically hardcore, metal, indie, retro, 80's new wave, classic rock, etc. to name a few), of which they dress to exemplify. It is hard to pin down a style for a scene male or female, considering the trends amongst them vary from coast to coast, and certian fads come in and out within their ranks. Typically, though, many scene kids will have facial piercings, tattoos, and longer hair. It is not unusual to see teased hair with long bangs on males, or short fauxhawks (a mohawk without the sides shaved, a fashion-friendly version) on females. It is almost a throwback to the revolution of Britian's glam era, very androgynous and fresh. Scenesters take a lot of pride in their overall image, and often they appreciate shock value. Oftentimes they are thrifty, employing their abilities as bargian-hunters and do-it-yourself gurus to do something unique with their style. Large vintage sunglasses, retro patterns, tight jeans, classic metal/band tees, plastic jewelry, and heavy eye makeup are just some of the incorperations into scene style for either sex. This style and showmanship is at its height during shows (concerts), where often scene kids will meet their friends and size up strangers who visit their turf. There indeed is competition among scenesters...sometimes friendly, sometimes not. Shows are in fact not just concerts, but often a means of socialization for those on the scene. Those people who partake in scene lifestyle often choose to date/socialize only with those like them, which can cause bitterness or rejection to outsiders. The music scene is often associated with other areas that scenesters are interested in, which is liekely, art, photography, creative writing, poetry, tattoos & piercings, civil rights, animal rights, etc. Many scene kids have strong beliefs about these things and consider those who do not to be "posers." They feel that their scene style is not only a fashion statement, but an all-encompassing lifestyle. Many scene kids incorperate their future plans into their lifestyle, going into careers such as journalism, photography, artistry, piercing, tattooing, working for magazines, being musicians, hairstylists, running venues and/or coffee shops, etc. This tends to cause scene kids to congregate, visit, or even move to big cities to find opportunities to meet other scenesters, find jobs that suit them, or to live where they have a plethora of activities that they enjoy readily at their disposal. Recently internet revolutions like myspace.com have provided a new means for the ideas of scene culture to be spead, for scenesters to find new friends, bands, and activities. Scensters design stylish and graphic profile pages to both draw attention to themselves and to find others like them, and many people have joined up with the scene fad due to internet advertising. The downside of many scene atmospheres is that some scene kids tend to develop a superior mentality. Some who are especially popular and affluent can make it harder for the younger, yet-aspiring scenesters to join in with the subculture. This is not always the case, however. Different areas breed different demographics of scene kids. Perhaps part of their attitude comes from the problem that scenesters have begun to feel threatened about their culture being jeopardized because of a sort of trickle down effect. The internet is permitting easy access for anyone who would want to don scene-esque style and jump right in to a culture that scenesters feel they have built from the ground up and developed into a complex lifestyle. However, this lends many to get caught up in popularity contests in local areas as well as on the world wide web. Unfortunately, this can also lead to rifts in scenes. Groups of hardcore scenesters start "crews," often characterized by fierce brotherhood to the point of violence against others who are unlike them or who are in other crews. The scene is dividing amongst itself, due to purists who feel the scene is about music only, and those who have taken the scene fashion to be almost, if not equally, as important as the music itself. Some of the fashionable scenesters stick to their musical roots, but often due to the aforementioned trickle-down effect, there are people joining the scene who are not interested in the music, but are only in it for the attention. Thus, the scene will continue to divide. Whether they will admit it or not, kids interested in this lifestyle of excitement, concerts, body modification, fashion, and overall alluringly unusual aesthetics will continually be labeled as "scene." They chose an alternative path because they wanted to find acceptance elsewhere. Now, they face a community just like any other: one of all different types of people, who have different opinions and standards. It has its pros and cons, ups and downs, just like any lifestyle does. A metalhead is somebody who loves heavy metal. Don't always have the "look". And it's not even necessary to listen to just the classic metal bands, you can listen to the subgenres. You just have to appreciate the genre as a whole. The term: Short for independent rock. In terms of music it would be independent of major labels/mainstream stuff. History: grew out from 60s garage, 70s punk, and 80s post punk it started in the mid 80s as alternative/college radio music. Once nirvana hit big the alternative genre split: the popular side was just alternative(Smashing Pumpkins, Hole, No Doubt, etc.) and the other half that wasn't mainstream(by choice or not) became indie rock(Pavement, Sebadoh, Built To Spill, etc). Some bands have signed to major labels but are still considered indie(Modest Mouse, etc.). Go figure. Sound: In the begining indie sounded like alternative(because it was) but it grew more experimental and weird. In Britain indie has more of a typical sound like Radiohead, Muse, etc. rather than a definition based on 'the scene.'  The scene: if you really think all indie kids do is try to be cooler than other people then... well.. you're mostly right.

[chonisbestmistake]

Sweet distraction

Jennie x Female!Reader

Warnings: pure fluff

Word count: 1,849

Summary: Request: “ A Jennie scenario based from the recent fan signing the girls had. Reader surprises her and they go on a lil date after.”

NOTE: It`s been so long, im sorry, i was on a vacation and couldn't write but here i am again! <3

The fan meeting was at full blast when you entered the crowded shopping mall, sighing peacefully.  You had to run away from work as to not miss the end of the event and catch your girlfriend off guard. She told you she was free after the meeting so you decided to take this little opportunity the universe gave you. It`s not like you too can spend your time together every day freely, so you didn`t want to miss the chance. The crowd was so big, you had to step on your toes to get a look at what was going on. Everyone was talking loudly but you managed to recognize her voice that came out of the speakers hidden somewhere in the mall. The four girls on stage were smiling happily and sending their love and ‘thank you’s to the fans. The moment you found her face with that beautiful gummy smile of hers you felt your heart skip a bit. After almost a year of being in a relationship with one of blackpink`s famous members you still couldn’t believe she actually chose you out of all the people who surrounded her. The girls were hugging under an umbrella now and you melted at the sight, your smile getting bigger by the second. When they started to go down the stage, you made your way to the other side of the queue and called one of the managers. The guy looked at you with a bright smile, smirking at the little present in your hands when you went to the hidden exit. He knew who you were, almost all the stuff did, and you were grateful that Jennie took care of all the explanations about your relations. You found yourself a seat and pulled out your phone, making sure all the reservations were done and you wouldn’t face any issues with your little rendezvous. The crowd was cheering happily in the distance and you realized that the meeting was over. You stood up and peeked out around the corner, noticing Jennie make her way in your direction, the girls walking slowly behind her. She looked as beautiful as always in her black skinny jeans and a white crop top that showed her perfect abs. And woah, the heels. You couldn`t help but stare for a moment before going back and grabbing the bouquet of daisies you bought on your way here. The one thing that Jennie hated the most was to get scared, so you made sure to stay still at the entrance, not wanting to jump out of nowhere and get your girlfriend a heart attack. And to get a punch in the face. As soon as she turned around the corner, her eyes landed on you, your favorite gummy smile shining on her pretty face. She broke into a run and you opened your arms to catch her, sighing happily when her body collided with yours. It`s been a week since you last saw her because of her tight schedule so when her sweet scent surrounded you completely, you finally felt at peace. You lifted her up by the hips, grinning widely when she wrapped her legs around your waist and hands around your neck, laughing in joy. You wanted to kiss her so badly, but the idea of ruining her career made you uneasy to say the least so you made a quick spin and put her down, praying that no camera captured that moment, it was a hidden exit after all.

“Y/N! What are you doing here? I missed you so much!” She breathed out with wide eyes as if not believing that you were actually here. Hand gripping yours tightly, she looked at you with so much adoration you nearly lost your concentration and forgot what you were about to say.

“Ugh, I came to see you, love. Um… surprise? Those are for you.” You showed her the daisies, stuttering suddenly and smiling coyly. She gasped and hugged the flowers, almost tearing up and you felt the butterflies in your stomach all over again, blushing furiously.

“Aww, cute!” You heard Lisa`s voice behind and turned around sporting three girls walking with their managers in your direction, all smiling brightly. “Y/N, that`s so sweet! I just might fall in love with you too.” Jisoo smirked, shamelessly teasing Jennie and hugged you tightly. You embraced them one by one, greeting everyone with a kiss on the cheek, which made Rose a blushing mess. You chuckled, seeing Lisa huff frustratingly. “Y/N, I love your kisses, don`t get me wrong, but why does everyone hate my kisses so much? You all cringe when I do that.”

“It`s because she`s sweet and gentle.” Rosie smiled shyly. “And you`re just annoying.” Jisoo said teasingly, making a disgusted face.

“Don`t worry Lisa, I adore your kisses.” Her pout was gone the second those words came out of your mouth and you saw a beaming smile on her face that warmed your heart. “Aw, finally somebody appreciates my affection. I`m in love too!”

“Nope, she`s off limits, Lalisa. All mine!” Jennie said, leaning closer to you and giving Lisa a playful glare. “All yours, baby.” You gave her a side hug and kissed her temple, fingers running through her hair lovingly. “Can I steal her away for a couple of hours?” You asked, looking at the girls, who were grinning, watching your interactions.

“Where are we going?” Jennie asked, not caring about the girls reply one bit. You laughed, seeing how her eyes lighted up immediately. “It`s a surprise, love.”

“Don`t even bother bringing her back, she`s too mean anyway.” Jisoo grinned, starting to walk towards the exit. “Come one girls, let`s go home and leave two lovebirds alone.”

“Have fun, guys!” Rose hugged you one last time and went after Lisa, who gave you a sweet smile and a wave of her hand on her way out. When everyone left , Jennie's manager gave you a quick nod when you promised to bring her back by ten as always and walked out, leaving you two alone. Finally.

"Come on, babe, i know you're hungry and tired. Let's fix it real quick so we can go home and i can hug and kiss you already. I missed those lips so much." You embraced her, leaning forward slightly and whispered to her ear softly, leaving a brief kiss under her chin.

"Tease." She let out a small cute laugh, a beaming smile blossoming on her face.

You left through the hidden exit and made your way to your car quickly. Jennie buckled her seat up when you turned the keys and repeated the action with your own, muttering a quiet "Safety first" under her nose. You couldnt stop yourself from leaning in and placing a sweet peck to her lips, sighing happily when she deepened the kiss.

"I love you." You whispered, out of breath, melting in you seat. Her kisses were like drinking pure honey, sweet and soft in moments like this.

"I love you more." She whispered back, smiling shily, all flushed cheekes and sparkly eyes. She was truly out of this world.

When you parked your car near the entrance of your favourite restaurant it was already dark outside, so you didnt have to hide too much. Jennie put her sunglasses up and you led her to the private table, so that nobody could see or bother you all evening.

"Woah, it's so beautiful here." Jennie sighed. The place was one of your favourites, even special ones. You knew the owner so you could always have a special treatment there. Like ordering a dozen of flowers and having lit up candles everywhere around you. The place was famous for making a pretty romantic autmosphere, if you wanted it that way, making it special. And God, did you want to make it special for her.

"It's nothing really. You deserve the world though, my love." You gave her a sweet smile and patted the space beside you on the couch, carefully placing some candles further from your clumsy hands.  "Come here, honey. Tell me how your day went."

She looked at you with those beautiful eyes, tearing up and out of words, and came closer, falling into your embrace once more. God, you loved making her speechless. She once told you when you were still friends, that she looked for someone who could appreciate and cherish her enough, who could love her and give her just as much as she did with her loved ones. And you made sure she felt that way, safe and loved in your arms everyday. Now she couldn't believe you did just as she asked in the beggining, tearing up everytime you treated her that way. Which was quite a lot.

"Aw, baby, please dont cry, i didnt want you to feel ba-"

"I love you." She said, cutting you off, sniffling loudly."I can’t believe i've got such a sweet person all to myself. You're everything I’ve ever wanted. Needed."

"I'm so lucky i have you, baby. You're such a blessing." You whispered back, fingers running through her hair soothingly."You deserve to be treated like this, honey. Cause you're my princess." You cooed, hugging her tightly. "But as much as i love your cuddles, the food is getting cold, love. Let's enjoy our free evening, i hate seeing you cry, you know it makes me wanna cry too, okay?"

She nodded, gummy smile shining on her face again, and leaned into your embrace, your arms wrapped around her protectivly.

The ride to her dorm was spent in a comfortable silence. You both liked to communicate without words sometimes, especially after a tiring day. Going non-verbal was a comforting thing for Jennie when you too were completely alone. She could play it cool and seem hard to approach when she was Jennie Kim from Blackpink, but with you she could be just your Jennie, soft, sweet and cuddly, all quiet whimpers and little nods, not caring about anyones opinion. The silence relaxed both of you whenever things got too hard or overwhelming, so you happily provided it to her.

As soon as you stepped inside her room, she hugged your neck and you carried her to the bed, preparing to spend the calm evening with your girlfriend, to watch some movies and just cuddle. You changed your clothes lazily and helped Jennie with her own, then went to tell the girls that you were safe and sound in bed. When you got back, Jennie was already falling asleep. You smiled, sighing happily and layed down, wrapping your arms around her tiny waist, letting her scent embrace you in a bubble. Then you felt Jennie rub her cheek on your collarbone gently, fingers tugging at your shirt, bringing you closer and silently telling you something between "Today was perfect", "Thank you" and "I love you".

"I know, baby. I love you too. To the moon and back." You whispered to her ear and she finally relaxed against your chest, sighing peacefully."Sleep tight, honey, you're safe with me. Always."

[mamusings]

Supernatural Season 4 thoughts

Well it's a big season cos: angels. But what's really key about the angels here is that they are just another flavour of monster. A lot of criticism that spn favours a Christian outlook should really have a think about that. The supposition that angels must be good sets up a great mislead all the way into a least Death takes a Holiday where both reaper Tessa and Pamela tell Dean to use his instincts, rather than blindly hope angels must be good as there are no miracles. Arguably Dean struggles with his need for or angels to at least be better than demons right until the finale.

Looking at it that way, Castiel is a parallel character to Ruby. Our contrasting brothers, get contrasting sidekicks one demon and one angel. Ruby comes in looking powerful and impressive, providing info and guidance in episode 1, last season. Castiel fills the same space in episode 1 season 4. With both characters there is the ongoing question whether they can be trusted. Cas does plenty of questionable things in season 4 and Ruby is a demon. How exactly that plays out relates to the type of being they are. Ruby as a demon embodies pleasures of the flesh. Theres sex and (symbolic) drugs and shes deceitful in that she discloses things deliberately to manipulate. On the opposite side are the angels. They are of the rational. Cold, calculating. It's not random that the top angel we see is Zachariah in his business get up. They play on Dean's sense of honour and duty. They also mislead and manipulate although it's done by omission.

The big theme this season is what does it mean to be a monster - directly relating to the question whether Sam is one. Lots of episodes give us the monster's perspective showing us monsters as lonely, persecuted, and even innocent (Monster Movie, Jump the Shark, Metamorphosis). Sam is drinking demon blood, he's using his psychic powers: is he becoming something hunters would want to hunt?

But the season also gives us a fundamentally changed Dean. For all his flaws and doubts Dean has always been a 'good man'. However, he comes back from hell carved into something new. He is no longer fundamentally good, what he is we don't know. Dean enjoyed torturing. He liked it. That's key and too easily forgotten because we like Dean and we want to give him excuses. He doesnt excuse himself and he shouldn't. He still wants to do good and he tries, but he is no longer good in a core sense. He has lost something he will never get back is the point of his dialogue with Tessa.

Much of this season complicates our understanding of the boys mission and the moral meaning of that mission. They find themselves in situations where their actions are intended to make sure good people die. It's the Great Pumpkin shows us that moral choices look very different depending on the locus to take for moral action. If your locus is the family or the town then done things matter more than if it's the planet or the galaxy. How do you know what the right scale is? Within this the brothers are set up along another set of contrasts. Sam tries to work out his course of action by focusing in the ends, while Dean focuses on the means. It leads them to opposing positions on the demon blood thing.

In terms of Sam and Dean the surprising thing this season is that the relationship is essentially back to season 1. They basically need to get to know each other again. Both have changed and changed a lot. And because that's so difficult they are lying to the other about who they are now. The point of Sex and Violence is to make clear the distance between Sam and Dean. The episode also makes clear what they want from each other. Dean wants Sam to follow him again, Sam wants Dean to protect him again. Neither is possible.

The continuing theme is the absent father/absent god. This theme is often easiest seen through Dean. Dean sees himself as failing to live up to the standard he sees his father setting by breaking in hell. It's a familiar theme for Dean but On the Head of a Pin ties it explicitly to failing God. "I am not the man either of our fathers wanted me to be". The corrective comes from Dean's adoptive father Bobby in the finale admonishing Dean not to be like John, not to be stubborn and to call Sam because he is a better man than his father ever was. I see this as telling Dean not to confuse being stubborn with being righteous. Dean has just repeated JWs famous 'dont ever come back' line to Sam. This turns back round not through unconditional love in the sense of I love you no matter what. It matters hugely what, but the point is not to stop engaging with each other over it. Dean's apology voicemail makes clear they will continue to fight over this difference but they need to tackle it together and not by one chucking the other overboard.

For Sam the absent father reconfirms a tendency towards self isolation. This obsessive secretive part of Sam is the part of him Dean is usually capable of reacuing across into - because hes family probably in the most annoying sense. It's also a part of Sam that resembles his father. John also managed to isolate himself in service of his sense of mission. Not just from his sons but in falling outs with allies and friends. Over the season we see Sam resigning himself to seeing himself as a freak, as a monster undeserving of help, support or understanding. He stops the effort of communicating because he sees it as pointless. Instead he lies and conceals. It's only when he believes he no longer has any chance of receiving this from Dean that he makes the final push to kill Lilith. And when Dean shows up for him in spite of that, Sam is able to change course - although that's not entirely clear because its too late and hes already killed Lilith.

Anyway I see season 4 again as being about solidarity. Standing together. The brothers fail at that this season until its too late and Lucifer is freed. But I think the message of standing together is confirmed in Deans words to Castiel: "it's all a bunch of lies..its a way for your bosses to keep you and keep me in line. You know what's real: people". This reminds me fo strongly of Marx's religion is the opium of the masses that it feels convincing for a hit second that spn is both an atheist and a socialist show - just people don't seem to get it. How wierd is that? Particularly as the season seems to flag up disappointing creators - not least Chuck. Although my favourite is the teddy in Wishful Thinking railing 'is this all there is' against the little girl who wished him into being for the purpose of tea parties. More poignantly, the angels are revealed as baffled and exhausted by the silence at the top of their chain of command.

The existentialist bent of the show, for me, is highlighted across this piece of dialogue shared across three angel characters. In a fight over what action to take in the wake of God's continuing absence and non-communication:

Castiel: I still serve God

Uriel: you haven't even met the man. There is no will, no wrath, no God.

Anna: Maybe, or maybe not. But theres still me.

I see that me has having a twofold meaning. It means me as Anna who kills Uriel as she speaks. And it means me in the abstract. As the individual who needs to keep going, making choices, taking action even if there is no God.

Next stop: Team Free Will

[sights-on-the-scifi]

Violence in MASS EFFECT.

Alright Tumblr i’m gonna try even harder to satisfy your content laws... God I hope this posts.

MASS EFFECT 2 Marked a change in the creative direction of the series in many ways not just limited to style and presentation. But also in how it tackled violence in its narrative and gameplay.

It developed a near uncritical affection for its violence. Removing any semblance of scepticism towards its application with exception to a few storied and mechanical instances all for which will be talked about as we progress.

VIOLENCE IN GAMES AND OTHER FORMS OF MEDIA AS A WHOLE.

Before we begin ill like to explain to you why violence in a video game is so fun to the player on a mechanical basis. You see video game violence is complete fantasy that much is obvious just from looking at it I hope, it has no real basis in reality. For example the simple fact being that you are interacting with simulated combat via mouse and keyboard on a flat 2D surface, not with your hands, feet, arms, firearms, grenades and depth perception... Some games like the first CALL OF DUTY title go out of their way to communicate this very important distinction to you with its death quotes system, which communicates a famous anti war saying every time you die on the digital battlefield, and you do die a lot in the game so the words always have time to sink in...

The chest high wall games of wack a mole and close range engagements you typically find yourself in are inherently ridiculous, but something that is true about these portrayals is the deep psychological stuff that occurs in the back of your mind through play.

Fight or flight. Those instinctual, primal/animal like areas of your mind that govern responses to threats and general dangers that were extremely useful during our species evolutionary development as hunter gatherers, if a game is designed well enough it can take advantage of those responses and insert them into game-play loops which encourage positive reinforcement when taking down digital combatants... These are the things games tap into and the things military companies etc also tap into as part of training or recruitment programs especially in modern digital age armies where focus groups have to find new ways of getting young people interested in soldiering without conscription and a national crisis to absorb individuals into service positions. Anyone has the capacity to be violent and become a killer you need only the right training and psychological conditioning and in the army that is one part of basic. Popular video games and films provide you with that psychological training in a very subdued, consumer friendly fashion and that is through desensitisation. “Image training”

It is turned into a power fantasy, for military recruiters it is also an effective strategy for recruitment purposes.

“War is delightful to those who have not experienced it” Erasmus.

Violence in real life is brutal, random and horrifying even in a domestic sense to any sane or normal person with the capacity for human empathy (Though sometimes there are forms of desensitisation that override this), not even most soldiers who undergo psychological conditioning to be able to kill are immune to this trauma. Violence is not fair, violence is not graceful and more often than not it is also used irresponsibly in any situation where in it is absolutely necessary to be used, even then those situations are themselves questionable. Especially in present day conflicts waged overseas out of sight and mind of the general public for wealth, oil and resources.

I have experienced forms of domestic violence throughout my childhood such as being beaten by my parents and having animals ordered to attack me, I understand how awful it can be to live in absolute fear and experience excruciating pain and misery as a result of this so making a post like this I hope makes you think about this a bit more from that personal lens too.

Games and movies on their own dont cause violence that much is certain from studies no matter how vivid their depictions get, but they do desensitise you to its realities in strange and weird ways both mechanically, visually and also sometimes in the narrative. (Until we can someday reach the point where in we can perfectly simulate reality and violence there is no way in hell military companies are going to rely on it exclusively to train soldiers). But they can rely on the positive mental associations they bring to warfare.

HOW MASS EFFECT 2 PORTRAYS VIOLENCE.

MASS EFFECT is by no means a game that is used as a vessel to drive up real world military recruitment, there is no indication of official army endorsement since it is just a trilogy of science fiction video games after all. But it does include violence that tries its very best to make you the player think its wicked cool in addition to finding it fun if the game-play loop is effective enough. Which in ME2 it is especially effective and the marketing wanted to push that.

So how does MASS EFFECT 2 and to an extent MASS EFFECT 3 make its violence so fun and “Cool”... Ill break this down into a variety of factors starting with your enemies.

DEHUMANISATION OF COMBATANTS AND KNOWING YOUR ENEMY.

MASS EFFECT 2 takes players to the Terminus systems and other parts of the galaxy that do not fall under official council law, so naturally this means there is an seemingly over abundance of private military and mercenary organisations. But ME2 is not interested in what these things represent completely, more so it is interested in using their presence as a convenient means to provide the player with thousands of disposable henchman to shoot, stab, pull and blow up in a variety of fun and exciting ways!... (Those gamified ways) All the while giving you the excuse to not feel bad while doing so no matter how cruel you are in the application of your response to incoming fire.

In fact throughout the whole ME2 experience you probably kill more mercenaries comprised of Turians, Humans, Asari, Krogans, Vorcha and salarians, more so then you do the Reapers or Collectors who are supposed to be the primary antagonists of the series... Which it seems is pretty antithetical to the overall themes of uniting the galaxy to fight a common threat which threatens all life, perhaps you have already done the job for em in this regard. What you are seeing here is a form of precision engineered dehumanisation of combatants for purposes of providing a player with something to shoot and kill without much thought and sympathy... and the military also employs this tactic in real life to dehumanise other humans for soldiers to shoot and actually kill.

Make your enemies faceless, inhuman or “irredeemable” cannon fodder and the feelings you get for uncritically slaughtering them all are palpable, especially with such entertaining gameplay systems that make the whole endeavour that much more exciting. The same was true for Cerberus in ME3 effectively turning the whole organisation into faceless storm-troopers with filtered voices and intimidating armour again another form of enemy dehumanisation in addition they are all conveniently indoctrinated so thats another justification hooray!. More bad guys to shoot right?

You dont have to feel bad if there is nothing to feel bad about right? You are Commander Shepard! Or a soldier in the military you are right in all actions and decisions you make by virtue of the fact you fight for a cause like stopping the Reapers.

VIOLENCE AS AN ONLY MEANS TO A DESIRED END.

Despite MASS EFFECT’S status as an RPG experience, the games rarely if ever provide you with substantial opportunities to employ diplomatic solutions to various problems where in it would seem feasible that it can be at least attempted.

Most of the time you will be exhausting dialogue options on a screen and shooting faceless thugs behind chest high cover throughout the entire experience.

In the narratives themselves this refusal to resolve conflicts peacefully are actively supported by characters or hand waved as being frivolous by the plot and sometimes even Shepard himself. Kill or be killed rains supreme in again, But in real life that mindset is far from being realistic or preferable.

THE BADASS CHARACTER CLICHE.

Something that will severely age the MASS EFFECT 2 experience is its over reliance on making every single character a BADASS stereotype. Even beloved Mordin Solus falls victim to this strange fixation with violent attributes and histories being considered wicked cool bro! In combat Mordin will utter lines that hint to the fact that he very much enjoys the killing he is participating in.

“Killed that one!”

“Thought I was harmless did you?”

“Oooh headshot!”

“Here... Enjoy” (Plays during times he sets people on fire with his tech attacks)

He also lists at one disturbing point in the story, all the ways in which he has killed people. Which includes using lethal drugs and... farming equipment, thats funny right? Actually MASS EFFECT 2 seems to include a lot of moments like that in where people list off hilarious methods they have used to kill people.

Every character in one way or another has the capacity to kill and does kill, they kill quite a lot of people actually and in some cases this is celebrated with gleeful enthusiasm by the plot.

Even Shepard can participate in a little bit of casual BADASSERY no matter if you are renegade or paragon. Be that shooting through hostages, threatening Batarian thugs, shooting Konrad in the foot or generally acting like a ruthless prick all for the fun of it like when you trick a injured mercenary into thinking he is going to die from minor wounds. This is a stark contrast to ME1 which at least tried its best to codify violent or aggressive acts as morally questionable. You are the first Human spectre in that game after all a shining beacon to all humanity in the new frontiers of space, what you do in that story is emblematic of the attitudes the whole of humanity express going forward.

Jack is probably the most blatant example of this new approach to violence the series took for reasons I have already described in previous posts.

To be clear, I’m not saying MASS EFFECT 2'S inclusion of glorified fantasy violence is entirely a bad thing. I just think that if you are gonna include violence you best be a little more intelligent when it comes to its usage in mechanics and narrative. Because it can be a powerful thematic tool if used right, in some cases there are moments in ME2 wherein it does get used extremely well but those moments are also still few and far between.

We can do so much better.