#I dont... understand what all is happening here

[proshippers-against-censorship]

You dont have to share this if it's too dark, but I'm tired of keeping it to myself.

I was molested as a child. Fictional content containing pedophilia doesn't trigger me. Nonfictional content concerning pedophilia doesn't even trigger me, though it is certainly upsetting because of the real children involved.

Here's the thing: I never got the therapy I should have. I never learned how to deal with it after. Even when you do learn all the right things and you get the help you're supposed to, that doesn't always help.

You know what did?

Reading stories that don't flinch.

Stories that take you through every messy confusing detail about how it feels, how it affects you, how hard it is to reconcile. Because it's fucking confusing. It's not just horrifying and scary. It doesn't just make you cry. When you're as young as I was, you don't even really understand what happened for years. Then it finally hits, and it's just weird.

Because a lot of pedophiles aren't violent. They don't physically hurt or threaten their victims. I was never afraid of my molester. I loved him. He was family.

So stories that walk through that journey of trying to understand, finally getting what happened to you, the confusion because they didn't really hurt you, but you know what they did was wrong...

It helps. It's VALIDATING.

And fetish content doesn't upset me either. 1, because it's NOT REAL, and 2, because it feels like taking the power back. It's something I've seen other victims talk about, but I've never seen anyone else acknowledge. Revisiting the circumstances of your trauma in a controlled way can be healing. It's not real, I can end it whenever I want to, I have the power now.

Proship doesn't hurt people. Censorship does.

.

[puppyhigh]

HAPPY TO HELPPPP i. okay first i sort of dont rlly know what u mean abt mutual in common bc like i knewwww sparklekittyetc and also to a lesser extent juno before u but that was mostly sort of. not exactly in passing but like the kind of knowing thats only on the casual/funsies level? i wouldnt say i know a lot abt either of their inner depths. but okay the second point the understanding u part is actually . sort of accidental ? like. like the part thats on purpose is that i pay attention to u bc i like to and want to. the psychological profile is sort of. a thing that happened along the way . i didnt do it with intention i just did it and now i have it and thats just the way my brain is building its understanding of u ..? this is maybe not less freakish. whatever #yay #mutualship

thank you… ^.^ giggles yeah!! I got that sorta vibe there but yes i WAS referring to thee lovely sparklekittyetc (<= this is whimsical i hope it likes this when it sees this later) .. i only knew that u might Pawssibly have tht access (to inner depths) bc u have its blog at all! also thats vryyy funny .. oddly enough i wldve associated u more with juno in my head. LIKE assumed u two knew each other longer/more closely. ssimilar aro vibes in a way i shldnt disclose probably. re: violence, etc. Also just like. the dark cool-color-associated creature mutuals from that one discord server.

Also no yeah i . I understand what u are communicating here!!! And thats kinda sorta what i was trying to get at (in a roundabout way) By asking whats wrong with u bc like. For u to just Do That Naturally and Store It is INSAAAAAANE. WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU. Why can you just. Gestures frantically. I think youre the coolest fucking freak ive ever met. Do you want to make out <= if you dont like that kind of thing thats fine i have no idea if i like it either it’s just the closest adjacent emotion to what im feeling <2

[seiwas]

sellllllll it's meeeeee. hehehehehehehehehhehe

so for ur writing exercises.... deku + light? please? pretty please?

:3c

heheh heheh hehe niku. this will be the death of me. me writing izuku for the first time 🥲 i will only do this for you </3

contains: established relationship, spoilers for the end of the manga, aged up deku but sometime in between the final outcome (he doesn't get the h*** s*** from bakugo yet), mentions of sex and scars

deku + light

izuku only sleeps with the lights off.

it isn't uncommon; many people you know can't sleep with even just a sliver of light turned on somewhere in the room. but the difference with izuku, you learn, is not that he's unable to stand the light―it's that he refuses to.

you quickly pick up on it the first few times he sleeps over.

he fidgets in bed, pretty badly, actually. the nightlight you sleep with glows a warm yellow, illuminating the side of your face and coating him in its afterglow. you chalk it up to nerves, how he pulls at his sleeves and adjusts his position constantly; he is, after all, one of the most anxious people you know.

and this relationship―it's new. heck, even you feel a little jittery with his arm wrapped around you.

the rhythmic tapping on your hip only increases pace. you don't think he realizes it, so your hand gently reaches for his, intertwining your fingers as you turn around in his arms.

he's close, nearly touching you nose-to-nose; the proximity leaves you fuzzy, a little ticklish, so you giggle, a soft "oops," as the freckles dusting his face almost glisten under the warm light.

"hi," you whisper, meeting his eyes; they stare back at you wide in surprise, "can't sleep?"

he looks almost guilty at your question, as if you’ve caught him with the one thing he's been trying to keep from you.

"just—" his voice comes out louder than intended, prompting him to chuckle nervously as he readjusts his volume, "just winding down, sorry."

you inch closer, nuzzling his nose lightly, "it's okay."

"did i wake you?" he asks, cheeks flushing pink as his eyebrows furrow in immediate concern. his expression is something caught between stifling a grin and feeling sorry.

you shake your head against the pillow you share, strands of your hair tangling with his. "just winding down," you tease, watching as his gaze turns softer, eyelids drooping heavier.

sometimes, you think, izuku holds the world in his eyes―a deep, dark green, the color of life. most times, they look at you with wonderment, bright and alive; photos from inko tell you they're the eyes of his inner child.

on nights like this one, however, they hide a depth in them weighted by what you can only assume is time, and all that has happened to him in such a short span of it.

you try your best to understand what lies beneath them, knowing full well he'll never tell you outright what truly bothers him.

"is it the light?" you bring up, some time after laying in silence.

"hm?" he clarifies.

"do you have a hard time sleeping with the nightlight?"

his eyes widen briefly once more, as if shocked that you've caught him again. these split second reactions are ones you've learned to be attentive to when it comes to izuku.

"no," he tries to lie, but you know better as you turn to your nightstand and reach for its switch, "you don't–"

"it was hurting my eyes," you quickly make up an excuse, tucking yourself closer under his chin as you cut off his attempt to deny it again.

finding out that the light was the problem was the easy part—

you'd begun to notice much earlier on that izuku was barely rested on the nights he'd spend at your place. it was only when your old nightlight broke that you began to notice him waking up much later than you did, groggily rousing from a deep sleep.

—what was hard, was figuring out why.

at first, you suspected it was his scars.

"s-sorry, it's not—" he'd warned you, right as your hands gripped the hem of his shirt the first time you were about to have sex, "—it's not nice."

you didn't care though; you still don't care, and you've made that abundantly clear to him since. you love izuku and all his parts―all the nicks and jaggedy pieces of skin that make up who he is.

when you eventually ask him about it, with a request that he be honest with you for once, he tells you that it is and it isn't―the reason why he exclusively sleeps with the lights off, that is.

it's an odd, comforting relationship he has with his body—that he is simultaneously grateful and sorry for how its become a canvas, both painted and marred to symbolize japan’s historic last stand.

you find out the real reason when you catch him staring at his hands.

he does it often, when he thinks you aren't looking—his fists bunched up in the same way he used to watch the power of one for all course through his fingertips; the same way he used to prepare them in battle.

there’s a faraway look in his eyes that lingers, you notice—a little wistful if anything.

“do you miss it?” you finally ask. he gives you the same shocked look he does every time, as if he’s been caught with a secret he’s been trying to hide.

he’s learned a fair bit about you now, too, though—lying to you is futile when you’ve perfected reading his truth. he stares at his fists again as you take a seat beside him, moving to give you space. you rest your head on his shoulder gently, waiting.

“sometimes,” he admits, but you know it’s an understatement.

“i think about the vestiges a lot. i miss them the most, i think,” he continues, clenching his fists tightly, “i always try to reach out to them, but i guess it doesn’t work that way.”

“i… i try to replicate the right conditions every night, but…” then he lets go, stretching his fingers out wide. the scars on the surface ripple through his skin, telling its own story.

you hum, acknowledging what he means. silence sits with the two of you as you take his hand in yours, slowly unfurling his fingers until his palm reveals itself to you. it’s rough to the touch, seasoned with hard work and all that he’s been through.

“is that why you prefer the dark?” you ask softly, after some time.

it's not often that you stay up later than izuku does. when you do though, you catch him shifting in bed, moving from side-to-side. you pretend you aren't awake, but you hear him mumble their names, dwindling in volume as he dozes off to sleep.

he stares at his palm for a moment before he admits quietly, "yeah." his brows furrow as if contemplating whether to say more, but he shakes his head, dark green strands swaying to the beat of his embarrassed chuckle, "nevermind, it's silly."

"it's not."

you intertwine your fingers, sandwiching his hand between yours. a slight sheen glosses over his eyes as he tilts his head up to look at you. he draws in a breath, before it spills over.

"it's..." he finds the words, and you squeeze his hand in comfort, "it's easier to believe it was all real when the lights are out, and that maybe it can happen again."

[priest-of-light]

I want to take a moment to expand on what I wanted from season 3 in terms of the ideological battle between Gi-hun and the Front Man. I'd love to write a fic for it, but since realistically I dont think that's going to happen, I'll have to settle for this:

The season starts mostly the same. Gi-hun is depressed and suicidal and has given up. Honestly him projecting his anger with himself onto Dae-ho works too

In the fourth game, Gi-hun still tries to track down Dae-ho, but during the course of running from Gi-hun, Dae-ho ends up in a situation where he chooses to sacrifice himself to save Jun-hee, which Gi-hun witnesses. Dae-ho is able to "redeem himself" in his own eyes for having "failed everyone" before

Jun-hee doesn't go into labor and have a baby and then GET UP AND WALK all within a 20 minute time span that's fucking stupid, so she ends up having the baby between the fourth and fifth games

I think probably Yong-sik dies somehow sacrificing himself for his mother as well. I mean narratively its just weird that Geum-ja tells Gi-hun about how she always criticized her son for being too soft, and then she kills him when he finally gets up the nerve to kill someone? I understand it was to protect Jun-hee and the baby, just a weird choice to have established that conflict previously, so maybe they still swap roles and everything plays out the same except in the end Yong-sik and his mother are alone so its him choosing to die rather than kill her and she can be crying and telling him to kill her so he can live and criticizing (with love/doesnt actually mean it) him for still being so soft after all this time

Hyun-ju still helps the others but she doesnt die for it bc Myung-gi doesnt go on a fucking murder spree

Oh and Min-su doesnt become a drug addict this will be important later trust

As mentioned, Jun-hee has the baby between games

Geum-ja probably still kills herself bc of the foreshadowing of "you'd be fine without me but I couldn't survive without you" dont love it but.

I think 5th game more or less proceeds the same way, with the key difference being that when the VIPs start talking about making the baby a player, we get SOME sort of reaction from In-ho that shows at least his conflict over it, even if he ultimately allows the rule to stand (why??? The detail about his wife being pregnant and seeming protective over Jun-hee if you weren't going to give us that AT LEAST)

Gi-hun finds a reason to live in this baby hes so mama

Rip Nam-gyu you were so fucking funny in s3 but I do think the 5th game was the right place for you to die

Hyun-ju, Myung-gi, Min-su, Gi-hun, the baby, and 1-5 others (Os like 100 and 226) are the finalists. I say 1-5 because either there's 5 Os and they're still being out-voted OR there's like 3 Os left but In-ho takes away their ability to vote after the 5th game like "you came this far you have to finish now" or Gi-hun lost his right to vote or something. Basically a reason for the 6th game to happen. The key being here that Hyun-ju, Myung-gi, and Min-su all continue to vote X. Also a reason for why they can't vote to end in the middle of game 6 like he tried with Sang-woo

Here's where the biggest change happens: when Gi-hun and In-ho have their confrontation, it's longer and more developed. Gi-hun at LEAST learns that In-ho was telling the truth about his wife and that he himself was a player in 2015. This is kind of key in Gi-hun seeing In-ho as different from the VIPs (hes a class traitor metaphor guys)

Most importantly, however, instead of the knife proposition, In-ho gives Gi-hun this proposition instead: if player 222 wins, then In-ho will let the losers of the 6th game live.

Essentially, player 222 is entirely dependent on Gi-hun in order to win, but Gi-hun can't fight or really DO anything with her in his arms.

Ergo, GI-HUN is dependent on the other players if he (and therefore 222) want to win.

Do you get what I'm putting together? That we can only succeed when we help each other?

But, In-ho gives the caveat of their private game that Gi-hun cannot tell the other players about these terms.

"Do you still have faith in humanity? Do you still believe people will willingly sacrifice themselves for this random baby they don't care about? Would you stake your own life on it?"

Maybe he even gives Gi-hun the opportunity to just leave the game then and there, but ONLY him and not the baby

So Gi-hun agrees to the terms

The 6th game is possibly just squid game again? Otherwise it's some other team game

And yes, as mentioned most/all of the 1-5 Os are more or less fine with killing the baby to live.

Myung-gi dies protecting Gi-hun/the baby, and probably all of the Os except possibly 1

So ultimately we get down to Gi-hun, Min-su, Hyun-ju, baby, random O but importantly they're still on two different teams

Actually I think its probably literally Gi-hun and baby on one team and the other three on the other team. By all accounts, the VIPs think it's a done deal now

Except Hyun-ju stares at Gi-hun, who has shown time and time again that hes willing to DIE for this child. And then Hyun-ju takes the first step, some sort of move that would let Gi-hun win like stepping out of bounds or whatever so she's out-of-the game

And Min-su sees this. Min-su who watched Nam-gyu kill Se-mi and has felt so much guilt since that moment for not doing something to help her. And Min-su decides to follow Hyun-ju's lead. He steps out of bounds and eliminates himself, even as he's trembling in fear because he doesn't want to die

Either the final O has a change of heart in seeing this or Hyun-ju just straight threatens to kill him or something idk but the conclusion is that Gi-hun (and player 222) have won

The VIPs are baffled. In-ho is SHOOK because here it is, what Gi-hun has spoken about again and again. People can be good. People can be selfless. Not everyone. Not always. But sometimes.

He keeps his promise. Jun-ho/the coast guard show up so he still blows up the island but he helps the players escape and later get their money in recognition of conceding to Gi-hun as the ideological victor

He ambiguously dies on the island/fakes his death

Bonus inhun ending: he shows back up in Jun-ho/Gi-hun's life and he wants to help raise the baby so he and Gi-hun end up co-parenting and living together like the parents in Sister Sister (platonic at first but we know where its going)

I didn't hate s3 or the ending, I would even go so far as to say I liked it, but there were elements I was disappointed by.

Enough ppl have talked about the lack of follow-through on the build-up of the In-ho/Gi-hun conversation (and Gi-hun never learning anything more!), Jun-ho not really doing...anything, the no-eul subplot taking too much focus, and the mild misogyny of the writing

But one of the things I havent seen discussed is the players? Im honestly just really sad by how selfish the players continued to be like it just felt OVERWHELMING. Idk I had this idea in mind of enough of the finalists choosing to save the baby even if it meant their death but in the end it was a bunch of no-name characters and they were all IMMEDIATELY on board with killing the baby. I guess the point was meant to be that no matter how hopeless the world seems, you have to keep finding hope, anyway, but it felt like it was almost doubling back on the entire point of characters like Mr. Kim and the broker, that humans are complicated and they're not all good and they're not all evil but that most people will choose to do good when given the chance. Gi-hun told In-ho that people don't always do what you think they're going to do, but in the end the only person to truly surprise In-ho was Gi-hun. I guess I wanted him to see that in other people, too.

[commander-revan]

What the fuck was the point of all this

[wassupmygays]

god its so cool and Important how. despite all the bright colors and flash fabrics and jewelry, all of the socs are really just carbon copies of each other. theyve all got the same base, just recolored like a character selection page on a cheap game.

all the guys have their crisp, clean, bright shirt, their nice stiff pants, belt, and white shoes. add in some rings and maybe a chain or somethin, and thats about it. add on their matching letterman jackets, and theyre practically identical.

all of the girls have their pretty dresses and styled hair, but thats really it. their dresses all match the popular style at the time, their hair is perfectly placed and not really Theirs. theyre all styled to be popular, not individual.

and they're all so colorful! because they can afford new fabrics and bright colors and expensive dry cleaners to wash them, though they're careful not to get dirty. theyre so bright and colorful but so painfully similar

contrast that with the greasers, who are all relatively in the same color palette. theyre in basic t-shirts, and denims, and leathers. work clothes. theres no split based on gender, ace wears pants with the guys. they are all down in the dirt and grimey, they all have to move and work in these clothes.

but theres so much personality in their outfits! even just the little things, like jewelry or headbands, tells so much about each person. ace's headband is a scrap from the shirt on her back, showing her resourcefulness. darry's flannel and work pants showing his grit and hard work. the patches decorating steve's jacket, showing his passions and the things he fights for. Johnny's vest showing his heritage, and his too-big clothes showing how hes got hand-me-downs. two-bit's tattoos, shown proudly and boldly on his bare arm for the whole world to see.

the greasers might all look 'the same' at first glance because theyre all in grays and dirty whites and denims. but god there is so much more heart and character and diversity in their outfits and therefore in their lives simply because theyre not worrying about sticking in a top spot of society. theyre not worrying about individuality being a weakness to tear them down. theyve got much bigger things to think about. theyre so free in that sense. free to be themselves, free to be with each other and support each other. because thats all they got; their hearts and each other.

the socs dont have that connection. they dont have that chance to be vulnerable and share a part of themselves so constantly. they may live where the grass is greener but are they really so much better off, if they can never truly show themselves?

[call-me-pup2]

Ask follow up questions 🗣

You know, actually try and find information about the person you're talking to thats deeper than just, for example, finding out the name of their favourite movie. Ask them why its their favourite, would they recommend it, how does watching it make them feel, there's so many details to get!

Its not that hard to show a little interested because otherwise you just look like you don't actually like the person you're talking to 🥴

(This isn't about my asks on here lol I mean in actual one to one conversation)

[zukkaoru]

ohhh you guys are reading bsd without suspending your disbelief. you guys are expecting to get a clear cut perfectly understandable scientific explanation for something that can't actually happen in the real world, and then you're upset when you don't get it. you're forgetting that bsd has always had fantastical elements in it and it is not meant to be a 1:1 replication of Our World. you don't have to know and understand every single scientific concept being talked about in the recent chapters; you just have to be able to get the general idea and realize that this isn't the real world, so it won't make sense by the standards of our reality. then maybe you can stop whining about how nonsensical all the dialogue is and start appreciating the story itself

[valgeristik]

Переплелись мои корни в тесной братской могиле Скажу им: "Закончились войны", Cкажу им: "Вы победили"

I've found a new song (шиповник - 'dog rose') and, naturally, it made me think. a lot.

The whole song is something that fits botw Link specifically so well, but this piece in particular was inspired by the following bit of lyrics:

My roots are intertwined in a cramped mass grave 

I will tell them: "The wars are over", 

I will tell them: "You have won" 

(in the original text, 'mass grave' is more accurately translated as 'brotherly grave')

When it's all over, what does it mean to be part of a legend? What did it mean for those who came before you?

Link barely knows them, his time is so far removed from theirs, but his roots are intertwined in that brotherly grave regardless.

They are the closest of strangers, and no one's brought flowers to their graves for a while. Might as well.

(additional bits + closeup + song link under the cut)

Vetted Gaza Evacuation Fundraiser List

E-sims donation

i have a book i got ages ago about flower meanings. I know it's all relative n they change from culture to culture etc but. One of the meanings for a dog rose is "prematurity"...as in, something happening too early. before its time

There is also a custom here that if you bring flowers to a grave, it has to be an even number, because an uneven number is for the living.

there are four in the bouquet, and three in Link's hair. I did put four flowers in that bouquet on purpose, but the uneven number in his hair was a beautiful beautiful accident

partial translation of the song (if u want a full one feel free to send an ask or something):

[...]

In underground bunkers 

Among the wreckage of weapons 

Soldiers of perished armies 

Wander with a bullet through the chest 

My roots are intertwined in a cramped mass grave 

I will tell them: "The wars are over", 

I will tell them: "You have won" 

My prickly skin is a sad memory 

I know more about death than you can imagine 

In reinforced concrete crypts, slugs live on mossy walls 

But I want to see the sky, I wake up to life

and also this. i massively ran out of steam so obvs its not the whole chain but yeah 👍

[mayullla]

NO I AM NOT OKAY. IF THIS PERSON WHO DID IT IS SOMEONE WHO FOLLOWS ME TAKE IT FREAKING DOWN. I NEVER GAVE PERMISSION FOR SOMETHING LIKE THIS AND NEVER WILL.

If someone knows about this fic. Please please please I beg you please send a link to me so that I could report it. If I remember correctly it is only the author who could report something being stolen on wattpad. (The story they took from is one of my original works that is Just One Drop) And please if you do know or if you find out don't go attacking this person.

[pleasedontcareaboutme]

It's missing my father hours rn so imma just dump a bunch of pictures here and cry

( sorry i don't know the source of anything I just had them on my phone)

(also dont read the tags i just need to let it out lol)

[licensedproldier]

brennan will really be like "is anyone gonna write six of the most tragic and fucked up teenagers in the whole world and their narrative foils having violent murderous beef with each other in a devastatingly teenage way and then tell their story through a series of unreliable narrators or" and then not wait for an answer.

[nenoname]

me: oh i totally get it if some folks dont jive with same coin theory, plus it's strange to conceptualise at first--

me when i see people call it lame:

[senseiwu]

wild how misako is always made out to be the awful partner, for 'cheating' (not even explicit cheating. apparently the way she talked to her decades-old friend is 'flirting'.)

but no one ever says shit about her husband lying to her to get her to like him, keeping up the lie for forty bloody years. (In fact, many people apparently like to think that it never happened. Or they make it so that rather than steal his closed-off brother's words, his brother helped him.) Or for seemingly never contacting her after he tried to take over the world. or the things she has said about him. being worried about the ninja being with him. "i was married to him once, i'm up for anything" when about to fight him. Ma'am what does that mean.

[ulteri0rm0tives]

"thru the window. hehe." GIRL 😭😭😭 TYPING HEHE LIKE WE'RE TALKING ABT SNEAKING OUT PAST CURFEW TRYNNA GET ONE OVER ON YR PARENTS N NOT LIKE YR A 90 Y/O GROWN ASS MAN WHO SHOULD KNOW BETTER 😭😭😭

[togamicchi]

Im kind of intimidated but also thank you long term togami fans for being around... like Wow.. i admire you and think you are pretty cool. 7 years going strong with this guy and theres people whove been with it for 10+!!!!!! insane ... I must get to your level... Soon..