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jeeperso · 3 years ago

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D&D Quotes Without Context

Ravenloft Edition, April Fool’s Castle Greyhawk Holiday Special

Jonni sits bolt upright “JONNI.EXE IS RESTARTING PLEASE INSERT TITTIES!” Jonni: “Okay. It’s another one of these. I suggest we set fire to everything in our way.” Gorbash: "How is that any different from what we normally do?" Jonni: “Usually I suggest it and you only let me set fire to specific things and pay the consequences of not listening to me.” Gorbash: "Well let's see what new brand of madness and misery awaits." "Another day, another dungeon." "Let's hope this one isn't made up of mimics." Jonni grabs the nerdiest looking one “Tell me where we are or be immolated.” "Oh no, we are stuck at a convention. We need to get out of here fast, or all our gold will be wasted on merch with no use." "Our definition of normal is quite lapsed. Narrow it down." “I say we head North. If a jolly old elf is behind this he’ll be there and we can beat him up and take his shit.” "Bad idea, Jonni. They tend to have armies of servants backing them." "I think I heard about a guy like that getting stabbed by his own underpayed minions." "Paranoia or Marvels... Quite the choice." Gorbash shrugs. "Let's try Marvels. I deal with quite enough paranoia on a regular basis. Mostly mine." Gorbash: "Uh, Nyx shouldn't you check the stand for traps before we touch the urn... And it's too late." "And apparently this is now happening." Yog-sothoth: "It has also happened in the past, and will happen in the future." "I wont let thieving adventurers intrude on my lair, for while the drow of menzobarrazan may shun Peter Parakzen, they will fear the specatular Drider man!" Jonni: “Can I kill him?” Azathoth: "You do that, there'll just be more clones." Gorbash: "I kind of want to hit him just for the puns alone." "You can't kill me, I'm too marketable, and besides who will take care of my sick Aunt Mayzeroen, or my girlfriend Mary Jane." "You have more important foes than us, Man-Spider. This is just a cameo to boost sales, your job here is done." Drider-man sighs "Alright, well, like my Uncle Benzoran said, with great power comes great big booty [women]..." "INEDIBLE BULK STRONGEST ONE THERE IS!" Marshal: "Oh sweet Maiden its a fruitcake golem." Jonni: “Okay. But I bet you’ve got a tragic backstory. Like your dad beat your mom to death in front of you as a child.” "INEDIBLE BULK FEELS LIKE TRAGIC BACKSTORY IS BEING TRIVIALIZED." Jonni pats him on the shoulder. “Strength will not heal you. Only murdering the piece of shit and ladies can bring you peace.” "Fire lady speak wise words. Inedible Bulk will make positive changes in life." Nyarlathotep: "Cue Yakkity Sax!" "We kept the urn, right?" Gorbash: "Of course we did, just because we get dropped into this new spore of madness doesn't mean we have to deal with it for free." "A commotion, we really need a wheel of strange encounters some time just so we can roll and see if the wheel is accurate." “Shit, someone already tossed the room.” "The abacus is your friend. Trust the Abacus, traitors are everywhere. Trust no one." They all turn and look at you...."Halt citizen. Were you sent by the Abacus?" "What or Who is the Abacus?" "He doesn't know what the Abacus is! TRAITOR!" "Poo Vapors..." "Sacred Ancestral prototype exarch. Said to be quite mad." "He called the Abacus mad! TRAITOR!" “RUN! Marsh get the door!” "We are No One. You said we could be trusted." They all pause. "You know what that makes sense. They're cool." "...What?" Gorbash: "Right what's next down the hall of crazy." "I'm...only more curious to what kinds of madness awaits us." “Probably the fucking ball pit room way this is going.” GM: Nyx, you know this guy: it's your long lost great uncle, Indiana Gnomes. "In America." "You Vill hand over ze Gnome now." Jonni casts Fireball into them. Gorbash: "Warlock says no." “Don’t look! Don’t look directly at her! Oh Kobold God it’s not helping!” "Illinois Kobolds..." Azathoth: "Stupid Nazis. Always trying to wake me up from my nap." "Just like Nazis: all shout, no HP." "Come on, let's see if we can find some of the more outdated topical humor." "Is that humor applied to the skin?" Nyarlathotep: "With Jonni, it's applied everywhere." Nyx: "Okay, in order we go then. And guys, why are you acting weird? Can you hear the voices of Poom's relatives when they talk in her mind too and are just pretending not to? Come on, tell me." Gorbash: "Eh... If I refuse to acknowledge they exist they can't hurt me any more." “Why does the one seem to have vestigial wheels?” Gorbash: "Are there bookies? It's not a death sport without gambling." Edmund holds out his symbol to light their darkest hour. Azathoth: "I ain't accepting souls right now." "It is very dark in here, and at this rate I fear things of myth called Grue." “Eddie’s dead. Time to leave.” "Huh, That bathing suit really flatters her beard." And Edmund makes for OUT-OF-THE-CENTER! “So what are you ladies and this fabulous pile of riches doing later?” "We are trying to get out of this dungeon, Jonni. And you just have to hook up with the first attractive females we meet. We are going to be stuck here for weeks at this rate." “I’m making connections with the locals!” "Jonni... What are we going to do with these women in bikinis?" “You nothing. I am going to thoroughly pleasure them and get the caravan to find them a good home.” "We are travelling through a crazy dungeon, this is dangerous! Those bikinis offer no protection! Let's see if we can find some chainmail bikinis...." "I'm pretty sure those chafe like nobodies business." "Jonni, no building your own harem out of the women we find in this dungeon." “You aren’t my mom.” Gorbash: "Why do I get the feeling that guy in gold was going to shoot at me with an improvised cannon?" Poom: "I ain't starring in no erotic fanfic." Edmund: "Don't worry, I think this is a non cannon encounter." Jonni: “The gold better be canon.” There is a sign on the door to this room. It says "Danger: DO NOT ENTER! Go away! Vamoose! Amscray! Take off eh! Scat! Shoo!" Poom: "This needs to be on more of the doors." "A door with a sign that has more than 3 warnings to leave is someone trying to hide something." "I've already done something stupid this dungeon....." Gorbash: "Fine, I'll pull the Eddie this time." "An auto-Told-you-so door...Amazing..." "Besides, it's not Adventurer Season. It's God Season. Frustration God Season, at that." Gorbash: "Moose and Squirrel!" Poom: "I think this entire dungeon has been designed as punishment." Edmund: "It is pun-ishing..." "No, the directory suggests room 14's a crypt, so that'd be dancing zombies." Will cling to the outside of the CURDIS and become immortal. OOC: Screw it, we'll pick the lesser evil. Scary Russian gramma it is. "May it give you power over zombie biker wrestlers." Poom: "I could have sworn this was a shroom trip." "I was messing around with this teleporter and I think I shot you into another dimension or something. Where did you guys go?" "Mad." “Okay, so I got us a ride with Grandmother Winter, nobody push their luck for a few weeks." OOC: GURPS has done everything once. OOC: Anime asks "Is it wrong to pick up girls in a dungeon?", and Jonni answers with an enthusiastic "If it is wrong I don't wanna be right." OOC2: And then other anime answers "I'm protag-kun. Nothing I do is ever wrong, just misunderstood." OOC: Note to self: Watch out for Truck-Kun in this dungeon. OOC: "There's a reason AI termination programs are called Kirk protocols." OOC: So Poom is Doctor T’anna? OOC2: Fits her better than M'ress.

#dungeons and dragons #dnd 5e #quotes without context #castle greyhawk #ravenloft #marvel faserip #paranoia #autoduel #mechwarrior #toon #doctor who #star trek

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justpan · 5 years ago

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Title: Unwilling Bride

Pairing: Peter x Reader

Summary: Pirates are planning an attack and all hands are on board to prepare for battle...maybe even the wrong hands.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25 Part 26 Part 27 Part 28 Part 29 Part 30

Now that Bae had “escaped” the island, it was just a waiting game.

Waiting for him to grow up and meet the product of true love so that they could create the truest believer.

Peter of course kept his eyes on this but there was very little he could do to hurry things along, no matter how much he wished he could have.

You wished that there was something you could do to help him, but there wasn’t anything that you could do either; plus you weren’t sure if he wanted to talk to you at all at this point.

Now that you and Rufio were an item.

It seemed like things around camp were still trying to find a new way to operate; everyone was walking on eggshells either around Pan or you and Rufio. Despite how often you assured the Lost Boys that you no longer harbored any ill feelings for your ex.

Of course you and Peter weren’t exactly friendly enough to spend time together away from camp business but you were at least able to speak with each other directly, which was a huge improvement.

Business was all it was though, it was like he had decided to keep you at an arm's length, and you understood why.

You couldn’t stand to even see him walking toward Wendy’s hut back when you had first divorced, you couldn’t imagine seeing him with her the way he saw you with Rufio.

Laughing by fires, playfully wrestling during training and sneaking off to your little hide away for more...intense making out.

To his credit Peter never seemed to hold a grudge against Rufio, not that he really could without being obvious. Rufio was a great addition to the Lost Boys; he was an amazing hunter and he had even begun training other boys in acrobatics, showing them how to use the trees of Neverland to their advantage.

Things were tense but they were working, you were happy.

Only one thing seemed to be an issue… Wendy.

She had apparently complained and whined enough about feeling cooped up in that hut that Pan had finally caved and given her one simple task.

Berry and herb collecting.

The most basic chore, and it had been basically marked as pointless since the pirates delivered plenty of food and herbs, but the little twit felt like she was contributing to the camp.

You were sitting down skinning today’s kill when Wendy came and sat next to you, staring at you wordlessly.

‘What do you want?’ you asked in annoyance as you stayed focused on the rabbit you were busy with.

‘I want to be friends with you.’ she said quickly.

‘Why? Because I’m the only girl here, want to braid each other’s hair and talk about all the cute boys here?’ you scoffed.

‘No…’

You looked at her from the corner of your eye.

‘Well, we don’t have to braid hair or talk about boys...but it would be nice to be friends with at least one person here, and I have nothing in common with the boys.’ Wendy confessed.

‘You have nothing in common with me, other than what’s between your legs.’

‘That can’t be true, my mother always told me every woman has something in common with another.’

‘Really? Have you ever shot an arrow, or been hit by one?’ you asked.

‘No!’ Wendy gasped in horror.

‘Skinned any squirrels?’

‘No.’

‘Then not a lot in common.’

‘Have you ever...bled through your skirts?’ Wendy tried.

The laugh that shot out of you nearly startled you, you had never thought that she would bring up the thing one the two of you would have in common.

‘Of course I have!’ you laughed.

As you continued to laugh Wendy joined in as well and you thought of how confused all the boys must be to see the two of you laughing together, and that just made you laugh harder.

‘Oh my God! Sit down you daffodil, if you can handle the shit show that is your period then you can handle skinning a few squirrels.’ you invited, handing her a squirrel and a skinning knife.

The girl looked horrified, but she took the two items, holding them like they were poisonous.

‘We are not friends, but I think your life here would be better if you stopped being so soft. That’s why the boys are so annoyed by you, you try to apply your stupid manners to them; manners that mean dog shit in a place like this.’ you explained as you showed her how to cut through the skin and pull it off in one go.

‘I know...it's just hard to forget how I was raised.’

‘Where you from Wendy, Oz? Boys from there always seem to be more polite.’ you conversed as you watched her struggle to remove the skin like you showed her.

‘Oz...no I’m from England.’

‘England? As in my world? Do you know anything about America?’ you asked, suddenly interested.

‘America? Yes I believe that’s where the bad people are sent to work.’ she said as she finally completed her task, proudly showing off her feat.

‘Yikes so you are from WAY back in the day.’ you sighed.

The two of you conversed while you skinned the game, Wendy of course sticking to the smaller animals while you tackled the deer and boar.

Eventually Rufio came up to you and kissed your cheek.

‘Stop it, I'm busy.’ you smiled, making no move to push him off.

‘What if I came to help? Can I stay then?’ he asked, holding up his own knife.

‘Depends, did you sharpen all the weapons, that was your chore for the day.’

Your boyfriend made a completely offended face, showing you his knife again.

‘Look at this beauty, have you ever seen a blade so sharp? I think I might cut myself just by looking at it.’ he boasted.

‘It is a lovely piece of work.’ Wendy spoke up politely.

Rufio sent her a look as if he was only now seeing her right there, then he looked over to you in confusion.

‘We’ve found common ground over the fact that both of our vaginas shed.’ you smiled.

‘Great...is this that feminism you told me about?’ he asked as he took hold of a boar and started skinning it.

‘Part of it.’ you answered.

The three of you made basic small talk as you skinned all your animals and once you were finished Tootles came to take them and make jerky.

‘I don’t understand why everyone still hunts, the pirates bring us plenty of food.’ Wendy said.

‘Keeps my boys sharp, I don’t need a camp full of fat lazy hormonal idiots. This island would eat them alive, and Pan has a reputation that is bound to lead someone with bad intentions our way. If my parents did me any favors it was teaching me to always be prepared for a shit show.’ you said.

‘And it’s fun, not like there is anything else to do but beat the hell out of each other and descend into chaos. We need the organization.’ Rufio said as you all looked over at a random brawl that was taking place.

‘This is organized?’ Wendy asked in horror.

‘Completely organized.’ Felix said as he approached your little trio.

‘Oh looky here, where have you been Fruitcake?’ Rufio smiled.

‘With Pan.’ the scarred boy replied.

‘With Pan as in...with Pan.’ you teased, lowering the tone in your voice.

‘As in we have real business to discuss, come on I’ll fill you in on the way.’ he said as he walked past.

‘His bedside manner needs a lot of work.’ you sighed as you bid your boyfriend and Wendy farewell.

Felix led you toward Peter’s Thinking Tree, a place you were not too fond of, considering he had tied you to it when you first met.

‘What’s going on?’ you asked.

‘Pirates, looks like they might be up to something, deliveries are coming later and shorter and they seem to be getting a bit too bold. Pan thinks they might be preparing to attack.’

‘That makes no sense, from how it was explained to me they got a pretty sweet deal with us. Why attack and risk losing it?’

‘They are dumb adults with too much pride.’ Felix said in annoyance.

‘Now that you know what I do, tell me something I don’t know. Like how are things with you and the Rooster.’

‘Things are great, he’s great and he treats me great. Things with him just flow naturally with no rush and no hesitation. I really like him.’ you answered.

‘So it’s boring.’ Felix hummed.

‘No! It is not boring, it's...safe. I like him and he likes me, we get along and he’s sweet and attractive as hell. Nothing is wrong with us, we are a good couple.’ you defended.

‘Safe? Look at where you live...you don’t like safe (Y/N).’ he said.

‘I do like safe, when it comes to relationships. I like knowing that I’m never going to wake up one day and everything between me and Rufio has just...changed. Or worry that the whole time it was all just some scheme.’

‘I can’t speak on whatever Pan’s plans are or were, but I can say he seemed happier with you. I think it was real.’ Felix reasoned.

‘So did I, but then it wasn’t, then he told me it was. It was all such a yo-yo game and I just can’t get back on the string man. Rufio is safe and I like that...I need that.’ you finished.

‘Fine, your business I guess, but my curiosity begs to know...how safe is my friend.’ Felix asked.

‘What do you mean?’

‘How far have you two gotten? The bastard won’t tell me anything.’

‘Well Nosy, if you must know; we’ve done…’ you paused.

‘You’ve done what?’ he urged.

‘...pretty much the same as I did with Peter.’ you grinned as your friend rolled his eyes.

‘So still no real sex, I honestly don’t know how you’ve waited this long, Lord knows I couldn’t wait to get my hands on a good chunk of these boys.’

‘Even Rufio?’ you gasped.

‘Ew no...it’s practically incest, even I have some morality.’ he laughed.

At last you two arrived at the thinking tree and saw Peter sitting at the roots, twirling the vile of fairy dust he wore on his neck.

About a year ago the Thinking Tree went dry and he couldn’t get anymore so he was saving the last of his supply for an emergency. So that meant no more flying for him and you could all tell that it depressed the hell out of him.

‘Felix filled me in. What’s the plan and what do I need to do?’ you asked as you crouched down in front of him.

‘They’re camping near Mermaid Lagoon, which is risky but smart. If I weren’t so clever I’d never expect anyone to anchor their ship in such a dangerous spot and they could creep on through the woods around the Forgotten Forest and ambush our camp.’ Pan explained as he drew a crude map in the dirt to show the path from the Lagoon to your camp.

‘But you are clever, so what are we going to do when they attack?’ Felix asked as he leaned against the tree.

‘Place the archers in the trees, clubs and swords in the bushes, nice and swift battle.

‘Are you kidding me?’ you scoffed.

‘What is wrong with that plan?’ Pan asked.

‘Nothing, if you want casualties and a boring fight no one is going to think about next week.’ you said.

With a slightly disappointed sigh you wiped away his map and drew your own.

‘Move the camp, leave the clearing empty to make the battlefield, have fences built in to trap the pirates in once they arrive. When that is done clubs and swords drop down from the trees; leave the archers on the ground behind the trees and bushes. Once they are ready to flee we let down the fence and send them off knowing not to attack us ever again.’ you explain as you drew out your plan in the dirt.

‘That’s huge.’ Felix said as he also crouched down to look over your plan.

‘It is...so big no one would even think to expect it… but it might be too big. I expect an attack in a matter of weeks. We don’t have time to build fences and move the camp.’ Pan argued.

‘Then I will magic the camp into a new spot and that will give the boys more time to work on the fences.’

‘I can have our best builders working on it now. And the rest can compact the camp so it's easier for (Y/N) to move.’ Felix added.

Peter looked hesitant but he nodded and sent Felix off.

You were considering leaving too but something in your gut was telling you that Peter was upset about something.

‘What’s wrong?’

‘Nothing.’

‘Try that with someone else who doesn’t know you, you’ve been frowning since you heard my plan.’

‘Your plan is great...perfect even.’

‘So what is the issue, do you think it’s too risky?’

‘No, I just...I would have liked to have been a part of it more but I can’t do much to help with how weak my magic is becoming. If it weren’t for my shadow, I wouldn’t have even known something was wrong since I can’t patrol the island anymore.’ he said as he stood up.

‘Hey, you are doing plenty and we will get through this, it’s child’s play.’ you assured him.

‘You don’t need to placate me (Y/N), it doesn’t help. I’ll just keep eyes on the pirates for now and I’ll let you know when they are close.’ Peter said as he turned to walk away.

‘Wait.’

Peter turned back and looked at you.

‘The boys miss you at camp, and now more than ever they are going to want to see you. It’s nice to see the person you follow into battle and I don’t think they want to see you full of doubt.’

‘I doubt they want to see how useless I am now, do you think they follow me because of my winning personality? It’s my power that they respect and I’m losing it (Y/N), once that’s gone I’m going to lose them.’ he said before walking away.

You wished you could say something to say make him feel better but you know deep down he was right. Every single Lost Boy survived their old lives by being cut throat and while here there was an obvious hierarchy you had to imagine a good amount of them still had ambition.

Without Pan at the helm the island would descend into pure chaos and mutiny.

You had to shake away those thoughts and focus on what was happening now; pirate attacks.

There was a lot of work to be done and thankfully Felix wasted no time on briefing the boys on what was about to go down and got them in action immediately.

‘Pull as much as you can into your tents, its easier to move full tents than everything item by item! Move it boys, this isn’t a game, pack this shit in, fill the tent’s to the brim!’ you yelled as you entered the camp.

It was full on panic as everyone was running around picking up everything they could pick up and placing it in tents. Whenever one was full you would send it off to another clearing that was closer to your little room but further from the Lagoon.

You found it so odd sometimes, your magic still felt as strong as it had always been, but Peter’s seemed to fade more and more as the days went on. You imagined it had to do with his ties to that Hourglass and the island.

Eventually the sun was setting, another thing that was odd to you, daylight felt like it only lasted five hours. At first you wanted to chop it all up to time being useless here and you simply losing track of it, but one day you took the time to pay attention and you knew it for sure.

Plants were drying, animals were becoming harder to find, days were shortening and Peter’s magic was weakening...it wasn’t hard for you to put it all together.

The island was dying, and Peter was scared.

With it being dark now and the temperature dropping you let them all turn in, letting everyone know it was going to be an early start tomorrow.

You noticed Wendy hadn’t been helping too much with heavy lifting but it looked like she was at least trying. Took her about thirty seven years but she was finally putting in the effort to try and help around camp.

For the next two weeks everyone was focused on the tasks at hand, building fences and preparing for the attack.

Everything was perfect and everyone was excited for what was sure to be an easy win and an epic battle; even Wendy who was certainly not fighting in it, but she would play a very big part in it.

You had sent her off to make sure the tents were being sent to the right clearing, in other words you were getting her out of the way.

What you didn’t plan on was her being dumb enough to get lost in the Forgotten Forest, the one place even Pan’s shadow couldn’t navigate and you certainly didn’t think the Pirates were also that foolish.

But at last they were, and they did cross paths.

Wendy stood before this large group of filthy men and their weapons and she felt frozen with fear as they looked at her, taking in her stupid cute dress and defenseless self.

‘Well boys looky what we have here, I guess even Pan needs to have his needs met.’ Hook smiled dangerously as he approached the frozen girl.

He raised his hook and threateningly slid it down her face, leaving a trail of reddened skin in his wake.

‘P-please don’t.’ she said as a tear fell from her eyes.

‘Oh sweetheart what do you think of us? We would never hurt such a young...cooperative girl like you.’ he said with a dark look.

#peter pan imagine #ouat imagine #peter pan ouat #peter pan x reader #Felix #reader x rufio #hook ouat #unwilling bride series

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thebattlelost · 4 years ago

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A Christmas tale of one idiot. Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house screaming was heard as he was killing his spouse with blood splatter on everything including the mouse the children up stairs are laid up in their beds coughing and sneezing with Covid 19 temperatures soaring with breathing becoming harder I am sure Santa Klause will likely find them long dead. Do I have your attention just a reminder that we now have two more days until Christmas where more suicides are recorded then any other day of the year so when someone says to me "Have a happy holiday" I want to throw up making me want to pick up a big rock wrap it in the prettiest Christmas paper place a pretty bow on it then smile as I throw it through their God damn window while I am screaming "here bitch is your fucking HoHoHo," Then all of the Christmas lights hanging everywhere I can see on everything they can find looking making it look like a stupid Disney movie causing the cost of electricity to go up giving all the crooks, the ones in suites the greedy bastards who care about nothing but themselves besides that, it hurts my eyes so bad that I want to break every single bulb-like it is a bubble wrapper or start taking target practice and shoot every mother fucking one of them then take the wire that's a lot of copper for the scrappers out there and wrap it around those executive necks then hang them up by the chimney with care as I fill the house with gas and a yuletide log then light it on fire causing a mile wide explosion so Santa Clause would not miss out on the carnage and so he can look down right at me and kiss me ass from the air then when the carolers come howling all of those stupid songs that hurt my ears wearing ridiculous clothes that a clown would not even wear making me want to take my hose turn it on full blast and spray them down like two dogs humping and a partridge in a pear tree, then go to my room and turn the lock then place a note on my door that says I killed Santa Clause right down Santa clause lane so Christmas would be canceled for cutting me off on the road due to the fact that he is an asshole. so take your damn cheer and Happy New Year and shove them up to your ass. I mean everywhere you go you will see the best of all humanity putting up Christmas trees with all that shiny tinsel of Red and green buying overpriced gifts standing in line for hours to buy presents with money they do not have to spend in the first place using all their rent and bill cash on people they do not even like or who do not care about them, I mean really who in the hell needs ten stuffed animals that cost twenty cents to make in all shapes and sizes bending you over the table costing ridiculous prices or ugly sweaters that make you sick or crappy tasting fruitcakes that have been around since Nixon was in office while they are killing trees tearing down the rain forestand filling up the dumps with billions of tons of trash and litter all for what the hallmark channel made up all the holidays that are supposed to be celebrating the day our Lord and King Baby Jesus Christ and maybe even baby Yoda was born, another thing you know what I bet Jesus was pissed off growing up only getting one gift with a card that said, Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas because if that were me I would be like Whoa "yo hey whats this bitch one gift you cheap mother beeeeeeep" I will smite your ass and flood your crops, hey dad will you send a plague of wasp, I mean what is the deal with holiday spirit because there is nothing at all to cheer about, I mean the poor keep getting poorer living on the streets they got no money for presents, hell that cannot even eat, you have the television showing all the specials the ones where everyone gets presents making those unfortunate children feel like shit, because of who they were born into Imean I guess they get the gift of their father being locked away in prison who spent all the Christmas money on cocaine bail and woman for beating his mother half to death who is nothing but a whore drug addict passed out on the floor of the kitchen so hey kid have yourself a Merry Christmas I hope you get presents but he won't instead, he will be a foster kid living from home to home oh and son Happy Holidays even though your parents died a day ago hit and killed by a fucking drunk driver coming home from a Christmas party full of holiday spirit then walked away without a scratch saying, I did not do it there you go kid your parents were in the car on the way home sorry but Happy Holidays we saved the presents they are a little soaked with and guts oh wait there is you dads eye t will take that. Then you have the ones at home to face the dark all alone they want to laugh and smile but can't because of mental health they have depression or anxiety or some other form of a mental kind of disability no one to help them they never believe them only saying things like take a pill or twenty just fake a smile until they find them hanging by a rope by the chimney with care, dead who knows how long they been hanging there or holding a gun still, been dead two weeks all red and green and it ain't no Christmas spirit that blood splatter or sitting in a car that is full of presents and cookies and candy smothered and covered by carbon monoxide and oh hear that Christmas music blaring full of the Happy New Year where you find the addicts on the streets trying to snort up all of the white powder or the ice that has fallen or those heroes in places unknown fighting and dying for what? jingle bells and IEDs singing all they want for Christmas is their arms or legs they were blown away when they stopped and searched foreign Santas and his elves carrying a hundred pounds of explosive and radioactive Christmas toys so I say screw the holidays take your cheers I do not want to hear about Rudolph or a snowman or how those rich kids got fifty thousand dollars worth of toys but threw them all away and killed their parents because they did not get what they asked for so take your jingle or I will kick your balls and tell Santa that if he comes here he will see naughty when I Claus his eyes out then shoot his reindeer mounting their heads on my wall, so all of you greedy suit-wearing bottom dollar soul-sucking corporations stop shoving your Christmas bullshit down the throats of those who have nothing at all to give, stop harassing our kids and charging forty dollars at the overcrowded malls to see your crappy looking smells like he has been drinking child molesting fake Kris Kringle figuring the kids will throw a fit so the parents will have to spend all that money. so take your HoHoHo and shove it up your holiday spirit and go back to hell with the other demons.

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night, Poet Richard M Knittle Jr. A Poet's Journey

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aion-rsa · 5 years ago

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30 Rock’s Best Running Jokes

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When 30 Rock drew its final breath in 2013, yards of column inches were devoted – deservedly so – to praising the work of creator Tina Fey. Article upon article applauded the characters, cast, performances and seven seasons of energetic, inventive, satirical comedy.

More than anything else though, 30 Rock was always about the gags. It was fruitcake-dense with jokes, regularly fitting in more quotable laughs before its opening credits than many shows manage in a full half-hour. As it returns for a one-off reunion special, join us in celebrating the many, many running gags of its seven-season history, from the fake movies, to the terrible yet incredibly catchy songs, Frank’s hats, and those godawful TGS sketches…

The fake movies

The presence of Tracy Jordan (a bonafide Martin Lawrence meets the Wayans Brothers-style movie star) in the TGS cast opened up the world of film parody to 30 Rock.

Admittedly Jenna Maloney also enjoyed a movie career of sorts, but while she was being offered the part of “any blonde actress” in torture porn flicks by the producers who watched and rented Saw, Tracy was turning down the lead in Garfield 3: Feline Groovy to pursue his serious acting career. The latter climaxed with the release of spot-on Precious parody Hard To Watch (Based on the novel Stone Cold Bummer by Manipulate), for which Tracy received the O in his EGOT plan. Sheer class.

Over the years though, who couldn’t not smile at Tracy’s blaxpoitation-filled back catalogue, from the timeless romance of A Blaffair to Rememblack, to Sherlock Homie, Who Dat Ninja?, The Chunks 2: A Very Chunky Christmas, and last but by no means least, Honky Grandma Be Trippin’. The man is a chameleon (in that he’s always a lizard).

Two of Jenna’s TGS projects however, bring back the fondest memories of 30 Rock’s stinging movie satire: small-town legal drama The Rural Juror (based on a Kevin Grisham novel), and her GE-produced life rights-avoiding Janis Joplin biopic, Sing Them Blues White Girl: The Jackie Jormp Jomp Story.

The TGS sketches

The quality of TGS’ output was never under question in 30 Rock; the sketch show was unremittingly bad (when the absence of their star meant a ‘Best of TGS’ series had to be run in lieu of live shows, Legal objected to their use of the word ‘Best’, and when a review dubbed it the worst comedy ever made, Liz was thrilled they’d defined it as a comedy). Liz Lemon’s opus was a fluorescent collection of fart gags, dodgy caricatures, Jenna’s songs, and misjudged celebrity impressions.

Beginning life as, in Kenneth’s words, “a real fun ladies comedy show for ladies”, TGS was Saturday Night Live’s idiot brother, the unsophisticated thorn in NBC’s side, under constant threat of controversy and cancellation. Forced to synergise backward overflow, advertise parent company products and promote GE interests, 30 Rock’s show-within-a-show satirised both the TV industry and tired trends in comedy (the always hilarious combination of a fat woman who’s sexually confident! Old ladies are crazy! Farts!).

Lemon may have seduced pilot Carol (Matt Damon) with her Fart Doctor skits, but TGS failed to win many hearts. With sketches like Pam the Overly Confident Morbidly Obese Woman, Ching-Chong Man Who Loves to Play Ping-Pong, Fat Hillary Clinton, Bear vs. Killer Robots, Me Want Food, and Gaybraham Lincoln, why it wasn’t more successful is a mystery.

Astronaut Mike Dexter

Lemon may have ended up with James Marsden’s Criss Chros, but fictional boyfriend Astronaut Mike Dexter will always hold a special place in her heart. Handsomer than Dr Drew, less British than Wesley Snipes, less living-in-Cleveland than Floyd, and a million times better than Dennis Duffy, Astronaut Mike Dexter had it all… except of course, a corporeal self.

The fake songs

Over the years, Jenna Maroney’s singing career has vomited up some truly dreadful creations, and topping the list has to be Muffin Top (a big hit in the king-making music markets of Israel and Belgium). Seguing from its pop insanity chorus “My muffin top is all that, wholegrain, low-fat” into a Madonna-style spoken-word rap “I’m an independent lady, so please don’t try to play me. I run a tidy bakery. The boys all want my cake for free”, the song is a battery assault on the senses.

But is it worse than Jenna’s summer dance jam, Balls, which earned her the princely sum of $50 in royalties? Or her computer generated, generic benefit song in aid of an unspecific natural disaster, which urged viewers to donate to “help the people the thing that happened, happened to”? How about the Jackie Jormp Jomp performance she gave of Chunk Of My Lung, written by Jack five minutes before the show, containing the classic line “You know you’ve bought it if life makes you sweet food”? Or Fart So Loud, the un-Weird Al-able song she and Tracy wrote after he parodied the theme to Avery Jessup TV movie Kidnapped? Such riches…

It’s not only Jenna who’s provided 30 Rock’s musical intervals of course. Season three finale Kidney Now! welcomed an eclectic collection of stars including Sheryl Crow, Mary J Blige, Elvis Costello, Moby, two of the Beastie Boys, Wyclef Jean, and Cyndi Lauper to perform a We Are The World-style anthem at the Milton Green benefit gig. Angie Jordan famously released a fifteen-second single My Single Is Dropping, to ride on the wave of her reality-show fame, Frank and Pete’s Sound Mound came up with unforgettable rock anthem Weekend Woman, and in the very same episode, even Tina Fey got in on the action by providing excellent Joni Mitchell parody, Paints and Brushes.

The legacy award though, as in the 30 Rock fake song that will continue to bring joy to the hearts of fans decades from now, has to go to one song, and one song only: Tracy Jordan’s Werewolf Bar Mitzvah.

Frank’s hat slogans

Off-set, stand-up Judah Friedlander favours his ‘World Champion’ trucker hat, the one he claims to have been awarded as the winner of the World Championships of pretty much all sports, martial arts, and that time he karate kicked Chuck Norris’ beard off his face and forced him to legally change his name to Charles.

On-set as Frank Rossitano though, Friedlander wears a series of self-designed trucker hats, each bearing a different gnomic slogan. Often incongruous, sometimes suggestive, and always odd, Frank’s hat slogans are part of the bricks and mortar of 30 Rock. In terms of favourites, we’re quite fond of ‘Alabama Legsweep’, or the laconic enigma of ‘And’, though ‘Shark Cop’, ‘Half Centaur’ and ‘Space Gravy’ also caught our eye over the seasons.

Jenna’s Mickey Rourke sex stories

Like Dot Com’s intellectualism, this running gag may have been introduced late into proceedings, but Jenna’s torrid sexual history with putty-faced beefcake Mickey Rourke gave J-Mo some of her best lines. Jenna’s allusions to Rourke’s sexually deviant and murderous attempts on her life paint a fascinating picture for 30 Rock fans. Here are some of the finest:

“Your new vibe is a double-edged sword, much like the kind Mickey Rourke tried to kill me with”, “Nice try Hazel, but you made the same mistake Mickey Rourke made on that catamaran. You didn’t kill me when you had the chance.”, “I’m going to have to reinvent you. Break you down completely and build you up from scratch. Just like Mickey Rourke did to me sexually.” “Next time you’ll tell me Mickey Rourke catapulted you into the Hollywood sign.” “You know what they say, if you can’t stand the heat, get off Mickey Rourke’s sex grill.” Wise words.

Kenneth the immortal page

To this day Kenneth Ellen Parcell remains something of an enigma to 30 Rock viewers. In later seasons, Jack McBrayer’s character went from being a simple country rube from Stone Mountain, Georgia to the flesh vessel for a mysterious immortal with no reflection, no age, and links to a world beyond our own.

Plenty of reference has been made to Kenneth’s ageless and supernatural state over the years, including the suggestion that not only is he unable to die, but he’s also an angel, sent to oversee the transition of souls from one world to the next.

The fake TV shows

It’s either a credit to the 30 Rock team or a condemnation of our times that Jack Donaghy’s hit reality viewer vote show, MILF Island, no longer feels like a parody. In generations to come, time will no doubt erode the boundaries between fact and fiction, and we 30 Rock fans will be telling our kids about the time we watched Deborah beat her competitors and claim MILF victory in the same breath as educating them about those people who ate kangaroo anuses for public approval.

MILF Island stands head and shoulders above the rest of 30 Rock’s fake TV shows (including TGS itself, lest we not forget), but that doesn’t mean that Gold Case, Los Amantes Clandestinos, Black Frasier, Homonym, or the inimitable Bitch Hunter deserve any less respect. Our fallen brothers, we salute you.

We could go on indefinitely listing the recurring jokes that made 30 Rock great, from Liz’s sandwich lust and desire to go to there, to Jack’s gloriously thatched head of hair and Republican conspiracies. As the show prepares to return, which of the above will live again?

30 Rock: A One-Time Special lands on NBC on Thursday July 16th at 8pm in the US.

The post 30 Rock’s Best Running Jokes appeared first on Den of Geek.

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boogiewrites · 6 years ago

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Choking On Sapphires 87

Characters: Alfie Solomons x Genevieve (OFC)

Title & Song: It’s too late to turn back now.

Summary: Genevieve gives a heavy dose of karma and learns about herself in the process. Alfie is once again reminded why he fell in love with her in the first place.

Warnings/Tags: Language. References to assault and violence.

Click on my icon then go to my Mobile Masterlist in my bio for my other works and chapters. (Had to do this since Tumblr killed links, sorry.) Please like, comment and reblog if you enjoyed it! It helps out us writers A LOT!

Alfie was met with cold indifference that he knew was justified, no matter what his intentions were in his harsh words to Genevieve. He’d let the stress get to him and he’s forgotten to be delicate. She truly had come so far, but her defeat that he warned her of had pushed him too far and he found himself falling into the easy habit of giving his cold hard opinion in retaliation to someone going against what he said to do. He’s forgotten to treat the one soft thing in his life with just that when she needed it the most. And now she was gone.

There was no weakness behind her eyes that next morning. No hurt or shame to be found as he studied her from the opposite side of her dining room table. The great expanse between them more than suited for how distant they felt to each other now. They eat in silence, and she pays him no mind. He knows it’s warranted. As he had been helping her back to their room before he readied himself for work he calls out as she stands from her seat.

“Do you need me to-“

“No.” She states plainly with black eyes meeting his from across the room. “I won’t be requiring your help any further.” She states with cold biting tounge that he hasn’t heard since before the accident, and never directed at him.

“‘Course.” He says with a bow of his head as he sees Claire approaching her with a stack of paperwork, handing Gen her glasses as he saw she already had her plans for the day.

Their mornings continued in the same pattern. He ate as if he were invisible, and Gen came out fully dressed and talking shop over her meal with Claire about business. As much as it did hurt in its own way to be ignored, to see the result he had wanted all along forming in front of him as a result of his actions was still satisfying. The businessman in him was pleased, but the lover in him was not.

Genevieve felt a new. She felt self assured in a way she hadn’t even before the abuse. She knew now the cold and careless ways of the world

Outside. She was no longer approaching her work or life with a touch of whimsy, but the same harsh judgement it had given her. She got better faster, taking Alfies words in mind and not pushing but working forward at a steady pace. She stayed home but found her routine again, the maths and the reading and writing of her work. She walked the gardens, greenhouses and aviary and became one with her land and product again. She was slowly becoming what she felt she should have already, a confident but realistic woman who would no longer try to rule with love. She would rule now with respect, and if she found it Necessary, fear.

Claire was out conducting what would be the last of the solo collections for the rent of Genevieve’s properties. Seeing the state of her land without her constant oversight led the staff to have more than enough to keep busy to get things back to her standards, not a Normal one.

Gen’s feeling quiet and reserved this afternoon, a leisurely stroll around her estate to brainstorm and reflect. She found the click of her heels on the marble floors to be soothing as the architecture and decoration kept her eyes busy. She was planning for her future, wondering how to dispel the nasty rumors that had been going around about her, as she’s demanded Claire tell her them all. And she had. And now Gen was out to make everyone eat their words.

As she takes this thoughtful stroll she hears a female voice from the phone room. With narrowed eyes she approaches, knowing she’d told the girls no calls unless emergencies during work hours. And nothing had been approved by her so she prepares to scold an absent minded young girl. But the voice is not young and the words she hears stops her in her tracks and a new much stronger emotion creeps in.

“It’s been a bloody mad house let me tell you.” The women’s voice says and Gens hairs stand up on the back of her neck. “She’s a mess. Falling apart at the seams, she is. Her and Solomons don’t even speak anymore!” The delight she hears in the rumors being fueled by one of her own makes her eyes dilate and go black. Her shoulders relax and she spine stiffens, and she shifts into a mood that was far more intense than what she had felt before. “Who even knows! Wandering about naked in the garden! It’s shameful! Like some bloody pagan!” The woman laughs. “She talks to people who aren’t there you know? Almost sad.” She continues and Gen presses her back against the wall. Feeling the cool stone under her palms as she takes deep and slow breaths. No matter what the next words were there would be no saving this woman now. “They fight constantly! Shouting and hitting like children! He’s bound to leave her anytime now!” She exclaims as if she were proud as the red haze in Gennys eyes grew thicker, pulse pounding in her temple as she hears the nonsense spewed out into the Londoners ears that she was now having to help reign in. All this trouble from this woman. All this work because this cow couldn’t help herself. If this maid couldn’t help but talk, then Gen couldn’t help what she was going to do to her. “Once he finds out she’s pregnant with Horne’s child then he’ll be gone. She’s not bled still! How they are living in denial this deeply is BEYOND me!” She laments and Gen loses the last bit of reserve she had. Her brain makes the connection. This had happened before. This was Dorothy, the same woman who kept on with her passive aggressive compliments and mentioning things that triggered her. She was what made Gen lose control before, and she was about to cause it again.

If you were to ask her in approximately 15 minutes what happened she couldn’t tell you. But she most certainly knew the woman got what she had coming to her.

She meekly hangs up, and trots with her cloven hooves to the back hallways and Gen is right behind her. Silent as the night and eyes as dark with their blown pupils and no sign of remorse anymore. She saw only red and was going to kill Dorothy.

Dorothy moves into a dry goods pantry and Gen seizes the opportunity. She hadn’t felt this alive this...good in so long.

“Hello Dorothy.” She scares the woman as she clicks the door shut behind her.

She jumps and clutches her chest. “Oh Miss Durand! You startled me!” She laughs.

“Did I? And I thought nothing got past you in this house?” A single light bulb casts and eerie shadow on Gens hard and uncaring face. Dorothy watches as she takes a chair and wedges it under the doorknob and she starts to sweat.

“What ever do you mean Miss?” She stutters.

“You can drop the act you lying slag. I know you’ve been telling rumors and lies about me.” Her voice is deep and her shoulders shift with her body as she approaches the other woman, her body moving like a cat stalking its prey.

“What are you-?”

“I said… fucking… drop it.” She very literally growls and moves closer as the woman gives in.

Her shoulders slump and she sighs. “So you FINALLY found out. I knew Solomons was into me but not you.” She shakes her head.

“Even counting the days I bleed? What sort of fucked up woman does that? Do you have no life of your own that you must insert yourself into mine and try to belittle me?”

“I was paid to, don’t flatter yourself. Some high class London woman told me about this job after my former passed. Knew I’d be suited to help take you and Solomons down.”

“Why?”

“Because someone should.” She snarls back as Gen looks her up and down. “You’re nuttier than a fruitcake love don’t ya know?” She snaps back. “People should know you’re mad as a hatter out here and taking Solomons with you!”

“So someone who doesn’t like our lifestyle.” She responds calmly.

“No one should! You’re a loon and he’s a criminal!”

“Then we were made for each other hmm?” She smirks.

“See! You make no bloody sense! you’re both awful and hide behind your money. He’s a murderer and you’ve been beaten senseless.”

“You forgot one thing.” Gen says with a wicked smile that makes the maids blood run cold as she realized the danger of the company she was in.

“Wha- What?”

“He’s not the only murderer.” A smile that grows slowly, time enough for fear to cross Dorothy face. There was that look Gen missed. The one where they knew they were going to die. She hums at the feeling of control again. She’d missed it so.

What follows is a damn near artistic display of violence and gore from Genevieve. From the first pounce, the shrill scream of her victim sending chills of delight across her skin she blacks out, gives in to the dark part of her mind and loses herself.

When she comes to the door is being beaten in behind her, concerned shouts from the other side and her thumbs are dug into Dorothy’s brain. Her face was beaten into an unrecognizable pulp, broken bones led the body to lay in a most haunting and unnatural way. Gen was covered in blood spatter from beating the woman’s face into the stone floor. She’d taken every bit of frustration out on her and she felt… amazing.

Gasps and cries of shock are heard as the door finally breaks and Gen is pulled away. The red of blood lending a lovely contrast to her white and navy business ensemble.

Aggie screams at her only inches away, face full of concern but Gen only smiles. “I’m lovely Aggie. Thanks for asking.” She says despite not hearing what the woman said. She only stared at the body in the floor and heard a high pitched tone that drowned out most everything else.

Aggie face is confused and turns to fear when Gen starts laughing. She’s snapped she thinks. And to a degree she was right, but it was only temporary.

Gen comes to a realization. She’d seen this before. She’d been Aggie in this scenario. Arthur had spells like this, of inhuman violence and wild abandon. His mad dog side they’d called it. She hadn’t understood it until now. She realizes she owes him some apologies. She understood now. She had to break and put herself back together just like he had after the war...and now they were one in their madness. She thought it all very sentimental.

“GENEVIEVE ARE YOU HURT?!” Finally breaks through. Her eyes turn to Claire who does not look afraid, and that was why she adored her so much to be honest.

“I’m fine.” Gen responds with a shake of her head. “Not hurt.” She says looking down and touching, double checking herself.

“Who IS that? WHY?” She demands.

“Dorothy. She was a paid spy who has been leaking the rumors.” She calmly states and recognition comes across Claire’s face.

“What did you...do to her?”

“I killed her it seems.”

“Yes but...you’ve never done THAT before Gen. are you sure you’re-?”

“I haven’t felt this good in a long time cheri.” She smiles up at her friend. “But I’m afraid I don’t know what I did. I must’ve blacked out in anger.” She works thought he erased space of time.

“Well that…” Claire shrugs. “That would make sense.” She mutters. “So you had proof she was the one doing it?”

“I heard her.” Gens nose twitches in anger but seeing the blood spot where the woman’s head used to be makes her feel better. “Every disgusting word. Some high class cunts hired her to spread stories and help bring Alfie and I down.” Gen blinks rapidly. “Alfie.” She says looking to the doorway. “He should know.” She adds quietly.

“He should be on his way home at this hour. What a surprise for him today.”

“At least it is a good one.” Gen says with a tilt of her head.

Claire looks at her befuddled and lets out a nervous laugh. Gen seemed perfectly aware and coherent. But good lord what she’d done to that woman was anything but.

—————

Alfie comes home to very skittish and whispering maids. Taking his coat off and hanging it, narrowing his eyes at them before shouting.

“FUCKIN’ WOT, EH?” Causing them to jump and scurry away.

“Alfie.” Claire says with a tone he knows means nothing good. Her hand resting on the archway towards the kitchens

“What now?” He says loudly and shoves his feet into his slippers, taking his suspenders off his shoulders as he begins rubbing his temple.

“Just follow me.” She says with a less problematic delivery.

“Now I can’t even know what’s going on in me own house?” He gets out before rounding the corner and seeing Gen standing, covered in blood. Much to her surprise when she sees him he rushes towards her and holds her face. She meets him with wide blinking eyes that look mildly confused. “What happened, love? Are ya hurt?” Looking her up and down and touching her lightly.

She takes his hands slowly and puts them back down at his aides and his brow furrows further at her reaction.

“I’m perfectly fine.” she pauses and her lips form a tight line before she continues. “... but I did kill a maid.”

“YA FUCKIN WOT?” He shouts his face moving quickly to angry.

“The pantry.” She points casually and he steps back, eyeing her suspiciously.

“Fuckin’ ‘ell Genny. Gods not gonna recognize her sendin’ her back like that.” He remarks with a raised brow. “Ya fuckin...I ‘on’t even know who that is! Can’t even identify the body in that state.” He continues and scratches his head. “And you did this?” His tone turns to concern.

“I did.” She nods and looks unaffected.

“Ya mind telling me fuckin’ WHY ya turned her head to mash?” He exclaims.

“Her name was Dorothy.” She states factually without emotion. The name immediately rings a bell for Alfie. “I caught her calling out and telling lies and stories about me, and you. And us. Nasty rumors I know you’ve heard by now. Us fighting, me pregnant with…” She takes a deep breath and her eyes meet his with a boldness he knows means she was indeed sane for the time being. “Horne’s child. The hallucinations, pagan rituals, every sort of thing. It was her.” She nods her head in the direction of the headless body.

“I KNEW that one was off!” He snaps and growls looking at her again then to the floor towards Gen. “I told her not to make calls during work hours once before. Guess she didn’t listen eh?” He remarks sarcastically before taking steps towards Gen.

“Someone hired her as an insider. Some high class person to infiltrate and destroy us.”

“She said that?” He responds quickly.

Gen nods and Alfies face contorts in thought. “They don’t like our lifestyle. Don’t think people like us should be in their world.”

“Nothing new.” Alfie grumbles. “What a fuckin pain in the arse though yeah? The bollocks to plant someone! And to further harm a sick woman! Fuck those posh cunts. Swear I’d like to bash their fuckin’ heads in meself!” He proclaims with a groan after. “ But you…” He begins and puts his hands on her shoulders. “You did exactly what you should’ve. I would’ve done the same.” He says with eye contact and sincerity to his voice that breaks through her now useless resentment towards him.

She nods in agreement. “I couldn’t let her live after the things she said. I knew what I was doing but, I just kept...going. Until there was nothing of her left.”

“Ya okay now it seems.” He offers.

“Yes. Perfectly.” She shrugs. “It felt damn good to do that to her truthfully.”

“I’d say so.” He reserves his judgements and feels an inkling of optimism for Gen and their future. She was always a killer, but before Horne never to this degree. She’d snapped like one of the boys in the field. But there was no screaming and hitting to bring her back thankfully, but he could use this brutality to his advantage. “I’ll take care of this, love.” He says with a nod to her, being sure to meet her eyes and show support that he had so severely been lacking in doing as of late.

“No.” She says gently with a shake of her head. “I will.” She clears her throat and looks over to Claire who’s pleasantly surprised by the exchange between them. The most they’d spoken in around a week and certainly the most affectionate. “Gather the staff. All of them. In the ballroom. We need to get some things straight.” She says before sighing and looking to the body in the pantry. “Could use some help cleaning that up though.” Says before turning to look at Alfie again.

“I can certainly do that. Get my lads on it.” He nods and follows her lead. “Won’t have to worry about no one identifying the body at least.” He offers in a light hearted way.

she blinks slowly as if she’s considering it. “I do suppose that’s true.” She reflects in a thoughtful tone and moves to the meeting place.

With the varied people all standing and most looking confused in the golden and marbled ballroom, Gen walks in from the hallway slowly with clicking heels and blood still covering her clothes. Alfie stands back at the entryway and observes.

“There was a woman murdered here today. Her name was Dorothy. Some of you knew her, others didn’t. But I want to take this occasion to make some very important statements. Best you listen well.” She stands with her back straight and her eyes piercing into each person as she speaks. “We will deny this woman ever existed. She never worked here. We haven’t heard of her and she was never here in any capacity. You say nothing and heard nothing.” She pauses and takes a deep breath, adding to the delivery. “She was here as a spy to take us down. To spread lies and rumors by those who would oppose our successes. By those who do not approve of Mr. Solomons and mine ways of conducting business. They dared to send a rat aboard my ship when I was incapacitated. This shows me there is a new line drawn now for us. For me. This for each of you. There are people out to get us. Who want to destroy what we’ve worked so hard to build. They want to kill us and our way of life and we will not allow it. If you think that they are after only Alfie and myself you should remind yourself that our ruin is yours. If you have had the good fortune to only ever work for me, then you do not know of the horrors that await lovely little girls with no families in other homes. There is no school, adequate housing or support. There is back breaking work, rape and no future.” Some of the girls shift and show their discomfort. “I killed this Dorothy for what she has tried to do. And I will make sure personally that anyone else that tries to betray me will also be met with a violent end just as she was. I will not tolerate anything but loyalty. For this is a new era for myself and all of you. My successes are yours, and my downfall is shared by you as well. You’d do well to remember that. And if you cannot, leave now or go see the remains in the pantry before they’re gone so you can know what your future holds.” She holds the room in apt attentions all eyes on her. “Nothing will change in this moment for you. Go on about your work. But best you remember who takes care of you, yes? Because I can end you just as easily.”

The room is silent except for the stray gulp or sniffle. She gives a stern nod and exits after a drawn out silence here she eyeballed each girl to get a read on them. She was hoping she had fully put the fear into them.

Alfie watches her walk past him and down the hall to her wing like he’s invisible. He feels an odd churn in his stomach. One he hadn’t felt in months.

The power was still coming off her as her stone face readied for bed with its creams and primping. She was back in her sheer and flowy gowns, having noticed their reappearance after their last fight. She felt strong and womanly in them, showing her body that carried her through these challenges proudly. She empowered by herself and her nudity and her mind once more. All aspects of herself forming a newly evolved woman who was more based in reality and fact, less heart and more mind. Her new take on life killed pieces of her old self, but in their absence a new woman was born. And she was ready to take back her power.

There was that stomach roll again as he sat in silken pajamas and watched her over his half circle glasses while she took strides around her room. Her body language most certainly sold that it was her space, and his body was responding to it.

She takes off her dressing gown and matching slippers, lotioned and potioned and ready for a well deserved rest as she slides into bed and as it has been she pays Alfie not much mind. He decides it’s time to change that.

“Genevieve, love?” He asks politely as she settles back into a pile of pillows, propped up and facing him with her journal in hand.

“Yes?” Her eyes bright and attentive to him as they meet his without hesitation now.

“I wanted to tell you that I support your handling of the situations that came to pass today.” He leans in to speak to her with a calm but still gruff tone.

“Thank you.” She accepts with a nod.

“And I know we’ve been in a bit of a bad way yeah? And I hope that we can start to mend that now. Seein’ as you’re so boldly taking things into your hands again. Which is lovely to see that is.” He gives her a genuinely supportive series of nods.

He could sense her reservation but she wasn’t angry anymore it felt. “Thank you again, Alfie. I would like for us to… mend what’s been broken over these past months. Now with others out to take down both of us, and in such a tasteless manner, it’s important for us to appear as a united front. We are stronger together than apart. And I believe in time we will… mend as you said both our personal and professional relationships.”

She speaks so diplomatically about their lives it should’ve made him feel cold or detached. It should’ve made him not want to warm up to her, to touch her and tell her how proud he was of her. But it did.

“As all things it will come in time. Not only do I need more time to process and grow but more reflection on your behalf wouldn’t hurt either.” Her words were not meant to anger him, she was speaking like he would in a transaction. She was being level and honest and telling him what she wanted and not much caring if it wasn’t what he wanted to hear. And he hates to admit it but he loved it. “We’ve been through a lot. Best not rush the apologies and… romance until the more important things are handled, yes?”

He wanted to kiss her for her stern words. Wanted to tell her this woman was more perfect than the last, this rational and striking ball buster with her own needs first was making him want her something terrible. “‘Course love.” Is his measured response with an approving nod. “Couldn’t have said it better meself.” He adds as he situated into the covers. “May I wish you a goodnight?”

Her eyes moves back over to him and he swears there’s a ghost of a smile behind her calculated tilt of her head. “You may.” Her voice almost as a purr to him.

He leans over and kisses her cheek innocently. “Goodnight love. Sleep well.” He adds with a charming furrow of his brow.

“Goodnight, Alfie. I believe I will.”

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the-fanfiction-troll · 5 years ago

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⚡️Harry Potter Headcanon⚡️

🧙‍♂️ 🧙‍♀️ This is an idea I had whislt reading the third book, its got text from the books but not exactly the same, its also a self insert but thats just my preference. 🧙‍♂️ 🧙‍♀️

Enjoy!

Harry Potter Twin HeadCanon:

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"Get the door!" Aunt Petunia hissed at Harry and Y/n, Harry left to open the door and there in the doorway stood Aunt Marge, her appearance was very similar to Uncle Vernon, mustache and all. She forced her way into the house, her bulldog under one arm and suitcase under the other and roared.

"Where's my Dudders, Where's my neffy poo?" to that Dudley came waddling down the hallway to greet her, thrusting her suitcase in Harry's face she seized Dudley tightly in a one-armed hug, when she let go Marge had spotted Petunia in the kitchen and with a shout she strode down the hall way to place a kiss on Petunia's cheek. After Marge had been settled with tea, fruitcake and whatever her dog Ripper desired Vernon started conversation while Y/n and Harry stood out of the way.

"Who's looking after the other dogs, Marge?" Uncle Vernon asked.

"Oh, I've got Colonel Fubster managing them," Boomed Marge, "He's retired now, good for him to have something to do. But I couldn't leave poor old Ripper. He pines if he's away from me." When Harry, followed closely by Y/n, Ripper growled in their direction, turning Marge's attention to the two twins. "Still here are you?" She barked, looking down on the two.

"Yes," Harry replied being the more confident of the two.

"Don't you say 'yes' in that ungateful tone," Marge growled. "It's damn good of Vernon and Petunia to keep you. Wouldn't have done it myself. You'd have both gone straight to an orphanage if you'd been dumped on my doorstep." Y/n could only guess what Harry was thinking to that but the thought resulting in a rather painful smile.

"Don't you smirk at me!" Marge boomed. "I can see you haven't improved since I last saw you, and you," She directed towards Y/n, "Still as silent as always, we are having a conversation! I hoped school would knock some manners into you." She took a big gulp of tea and faced Vernon again, "Where did you send them again, Vernon?"

"St Brutus's," Vernon replied, "It's a first-rate institution for hopeless cases."

"I see," Marge said before suddenly turning back to the twins, "Do they use a cane at St Brutus's?" She barked at the two.

Seeing a curt nod from Uncle Vernon Y/n replied with a meek but loud, "Yes." with Harry adding for good measure, "All the time."

"Excellent," Said Aunt Marge. "I wont have this namby-pamby, wishy-washy nonsense about not hitting people who deserve it. A good thrashing is what's needed in ninety-nine cases out of a hundred. Have you both been beaten often?"

"Oh, yeah," Harry spoke, "Loads of times." Y/n just nodded in agreement.

Marge's eyes narrowed, "I still don't like your tone, boy," She said. "If you can speak of your beatings in that casual way, they clearly aren't hitting you hard enough. Petunia, I'd write if I were you. Make it clear that you approve the use of extreme force in these cases." As she referred to the twins, Vernon then changed the subject.

As the week she was due to stay for continued slowly, Marge kept making subtle dark hints as to why the two came out so unsatisfactory, "You mustn't blame yourself for the way the two have turned out, Vernon," she started over lunch on the third day of her visit. "If there's something rotten on the inside, there's nothing anyone can do about it."

Harry attempted to concentrate on his food while Y/n was focusing on staying calm, "Its one of the basic rules of breeding, you see it all the time with dogs. If there's something wrong with the bitch there'll be something wrong with the pup-" Just as she'd finished her last word, the wine glass she was holding exploded in her hand sending shards of glass in all directions. "Not to worry, Must have squeezed too hard. Did the same thing at Colonel's Fubster's the other day. No need to fuss, Petunia, I have a very firm grip." Both Vernon and Petunia however were looking suspiciously at the twins who thought it best if they skip pudding.

Harry stopped in the hallway and leaned against the wall, "Harry, are you okay?" Y/n's quiet voice reached Harry's ears through his deep breathing.

"It's been a while hasn't it, since I've lost control and blown something up," Harry whispered back, which only caused a small sympathetic smile from his sister, when the two heard the Dursley's move from their seats they made their way upstairs to be out of the way.

On the final day of Marge's visit, they had all sat down to dinner, Marge having a few too many wine's, was looking rather red in the face. Harry and Y/n wanted nothing more than to disappear upstairs to their room but seeing the look on Uncle Vernon's face told them they'd have to stay put. "But I do like to see a healthy-sized boy," Marge continued her drunken ramble, winking at Dudley. "You'll be a proper-sized man, Dudders, like your father. Yes, I'll have a spot more brandy Vernon," Marge pointed to her glass which was then subsequently filled up once more, "Now, these two here," She jerked her head to the twins, Harry felt his stomach clench and Y/n tensed up like a deer in headlights, "He's got a mean, runty look about him, she's got a skinny, rat-like look. You get that with dogs. I had Colonel Fubster drown one last year. Ratty little thing it was. Weak. Underbred." Y/n could feel her stomach churn violently, and watching Harry try to distract himself didn't help either. "It all comes down to blood, as I was saying the other day. Bad blood will out. Now, I'm saying nothing against your family Petunia, but your sister was a bad egg. They turn up in the best families. Then she ran off with a wastrel and here's the results right in front of us."

Harry couldn't focus on his thoughts anymore as Marge's voice bore into him like a drill, Y/n on the other hand felt her head squeeze as Marge's word echoed throughout her mind. "This Potter, you never told me what he did?" Vernon looked about nervously before he spoke.

"He, didn't work," He glanced at the twins briefly, "Unemployed."

"As I expected!" Marge took a large swig of brandy and wiped her great chin with a sleeve. "A no-account, good-for-nothing, lazy scrounger who-"

"He was not," Harry suddenly cut in, Y/n placed a frightened hand on his shoulder and could feel the shaking, Harry had never felt so angry in his life.

"Go on, boy, go on. Proud of your parents, aren't you? They go and get themselves killed in a car crash (Drunk I expect)-"

"They didn't die in a car crash!" Harry had suddenly shot to his feet, Y/n silently pleading with him to calm down, her hand on his arm.

"They died in a car crash, you nasty little liar. You are an insolent, ungrateful little-" Marge had suddenly stopped, her swelling with anger wasn't just swelling with anger anymore, she continued to expand, the next second several buttons pinged from her jacket and bounced of the wall as she grew like some monstrous balloon. When Marge began to rise from her seat Vernon and Petunia rose to help her and before anyone could stop them Harry fled from the dining room with Y/n in tow. Harry began packing and taking her queue Y/n did the same, with their suitcases packed and owl cages in hand the two ran down the stairs as Vernon came screaming out the dining room.

"COME BACK IN HERE!" He bellowed. "COME BACK HERE AND PUT HER RIGHT!" in reckless rage however, Harry kicked open his trunk and pulled his wand out, pointing it at his uncle.

"She deserved it," And before they knew it the twins were outside lugging their trunks and cages along with them, Harry heaving heavily.

"Harry, stop walking and breathe," Y/n pleaded with her angry sibling, she was angry in her own quiet way but clearly not as angry as Harry was, he didn't slow his pace until they were several streets away, both were panting heavily from exhaustion when the stopped to sit on a low wall.

"Sorry, I got so angry, I'm probably going to be expelled from Hogwarts and you aren't even going to be allowed to Hogsmeade." Harry spoke, deflated by the consequences he'd brought upon the two.

"It's okay, at least I'll be with you." Y/n smiled her warm smile and shuffled closer to her sibling to attempt to gain some extra warmth.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

😬 Please don’t crucify me! 😬

#Harry Potter #twin #headcanon #prisoner of azkaban #reader #self insert

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ill-skillsgard · 6 years ago

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Dirty Demons, Part 2 - Axel Cluney/Zeitgeist

Title: Dirty Demons

Description: It's nice to have a companion on the road to total self-destruction - a continuation of Sweet Demons

Warning: 18+ for sex/language/violence/drugs/kinks of all sorts etc.

A/N: Fun Fact: This part has one of my favourite smut scenes in it that I have ever written, for some reason.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

A wicked sense of déjà vu hit me hard when I sat across the table from Axel at a breakfast grill a few miles down the road from the Four's clubhouse. I sipped my black coffee out of a white china mug and watched him cut through a stack of maple syrup-doused pancakes using a fork of questionable cleanliness. He had complained to the server about the table syrup and had her bring him a dozen packets of what he dubbed "the only real syrup. None of that twenty-five percent less sugar bullshit." His green eyes flitted about as he chewed and avoided my stare. It had been a long two years since the weekend we met but when I sat back and sighed I felt like no time had passed at all. He looked the same, sounded the same, carried himself the same and even smelled the same though he insisted nothing about him was the same as I remembered. I ate a bowl of fruit and the orange slice that had come on Axel's plate as garnish. He tossed it into my bowl, complaining that citrus gave him heartburn. It had been a long time since I had had anything to eat that wasn't deep-fried or came frozen in a vacuum-sealed package. I picked away at my strawberries, melon, and bananas while he scarfed down his pancakes. The tinkling of cutlery and plates filled the atmosphere but not the tension that sat like its own entity on our table, grinning at us, forcing our heads together encouragingly. An hour prior he had been calling me 'mommy' and begging me to make him come. Now we were sitting adjacent to each other with nothing to say. There was much I wanted to discuss with him. So many questions burned inside my chest begging for answers. I didn't want to seem pushy but then again, he had this hold on my curiosity and I figured since he had bailed on me without a shred of an explanation that I had some sort of entitlement to answers. After all, he had tracked me down voluntarily which was a pledge to his devotion. It made me hate myself to inwardly admit that I missed him. I missed the hell out of him. When I sat there across from him and watched his mouth move or his eyes wander I couldn't help myself. I wanted him. I had spent nights by myself in recollection of how he had come into my life like a storm on a motorbike and shook me down for sex, destroyed the driveway and caused a rift in what would have been another normal, drunken Friday the Thirteenth. How could I possibly forget someone as chaotic as Axel Cluney? Even then in the restaurant, people stared at him with curiosity. He was equal parts eye-catching as he was menacing. He was suave and liquidy and partial to clothes that had seen as many years on the road as he had. A rockstar with no band. His instrument was his bike and he played it well. "Are we really just going to sit here in silence?" I asked, pulling his attention from his plate to my face. "Are you really only going to eat a fucking fruit salad? You're going to need to keep your strength up if you're going to ride with me, baby girl. And I mean that in more ways than one." I popped a red grape into my mouth and scoffed at the same time, "I see that you're still rude as fuck." "Yeah, I know. But so are you. Look at you, all squirmy in your seat. Bet I can tell you exactly what you're thinking right now. That's how fucking in tune with your body and mind I am," he pointed two fingers at his right temple like a gun. "Try me." "Well, right now you're remembering how good I fucked you earlier because you can still feel it. You're also dying to ask me to explain everything to you, isn't that right? You want to know so badly, don't you? It's eating you alive. I can see it. Your eyes don't lie well to me." I shrugged to stave off his suspicion that I was anything but indifferent to the history of the two years spent apart. Inside I cursed because he was right. "Of course, I'm curious. You told me you would come back and it took you two years to make good on your promise. Do you know how much shit can happen in two years? What if I had gotten married and had forgotten all about you?" Then it was Axel's turn to scoff at me, "you wouldn't. You would never." "You don't actually know me that well," I casually reminded him. "The only person that you could possibly picture yourself getting married to is sitting right across from you now. You wouldn't have married anyone... not without tracking me down first," Axel claimed. I blinked at him in awe for a moment as he pushed around the last scraps of his food through a pool of syrup still left on his plate before opening his mouth and shoveling it in. He leaned over the table and laughed at me, looking cheeky with his eyes squinted as he chewed and nudged my boot with the toe of his own underneath the table. "You're fucked," I snickered. Axel wiped his mouth with a white paper napkin, crumpled it and tossed it onto his sticky plate, pushed the dish aside and leaned back with hands clasped behind his head. He was positively pleased with himself and it dawned on me that he could have been the most arrogant son-of-a-bitch I had ever met in my life. "You gonna eat your cantaloupe?" He asked. "No." "Good. Let's pay and get the fuck out of here then." Axel wrapped his arm around me as we walked from the restaurant with full stomachs and smiles that were hard to hide. When he let me go and circled around his bike I had to have a better look at him and all of his leg, tattooed arms, slicked back hair and the shadow of a black eye that stayed as a reminder to others that he wasn't a man that cruised through life easily. He was so far from normal it almost felt like I was walking through a thick film into a world from a dream I had long forgotten. A dream I had given up on. During the ride back to the clubhouse I had time to think about what Axel said about me never being able to be with anyone but him and as much as it knifed me in the side to admit it, I knew he was right. There was nobody else but him. He rode up beside me on the road, nodded and sped up to pass. I watched the back of his bike through my visor and smirked as he sped up, taking advantage of the sprawling empty pavement. When we pulled up we drew the attention of a few men that were posted up around their bikes in a front lot of the clubhouse. Apparently whatever they had been talking about wasn't as important as them getting a good look at us. Axel chugged in before me, doing the stupid thing and roaring up right beside the group that had their eyes on us. I didn't recognize any of them but they had D4T patches which told me that they would be friendly once they found out who I was. I swung in beside Axel and by the time I turned off the engine and dismounted Axel was already approached. "Real fruity looking chopper you got there," one of the men said to Axel. I tore off my helmet and jogged over to intercept the conversation, "hey Axe, let's just go find Roy so we can get out of here, yeah?" "What's a little kitten like yourself trying to find the boss so quickly for? Don't you know there are a couple of levels to get through first?" A man with one broken front tooth and a head full of greasy salt and pepper hair asked me. "Read the fucking patches, dipshit," was the first thing out of Axel's mouth. "You're talking to the new owner of Motorcity." "Oh yeah? Is that so? Well, then who the fuck are you because you certainly don't look like anybody I've ever heard of." "He's with me," I declared though it didn't seem to make a difference to any of them, especially not Axel. "You not so good at reading, mister? I said read the patches," Axel sneered. "Zeitgeist. Yeah! What the fuck's a Zeitgeist, huh?" "Oh! I have heard of you! You're the fucking freak deserter from the Sweets, ain'tcha?" "I didn't desert shit." "Yeah, yeah, yeah! You did! I remember Calvin talking about some faggot on a green bike that supposedly swallows acid and spits it back up. Made a big fucking mess of some guy's face down in Florida and went nomad on the Sweets. By the rules, you're lucky I'm not unloading a clip into your deserter fuckin' brain right now!" My eyes must have gone wide enough to cut through the clambering hostility of the situation. I watched as hands reached behind backs to be ready at the trigger and felt my stomach twist with dread. If what they said about Axel being a deserter was true then by the rules any patched member of an affiliated charter was obligated to detain him or shoot and ask questions later. "Everyone just calm the fuck down, right now! I'll decide what happens to him! Do you even know who my father is?" "You mean was. Last I heard Al was dead and there's been a spat about the rightful heir. That don't make you no president though, sweetie. Hate to burst your sexy little bubble but the only person that has a say over this piece of shit acid-eating freak motherfucker is Max Sweet." "You're a fucking idiot, Max Sweet is practically my brother! Where the fuck do you think we're going? I'm bringing him back to Motorcity." "You trying to make me believe that a little girl like yourself is escorting this giant, wall-eyed fruitcake all the way across the country? Do you think I'm stupid? He could turn around and beat your ass and leave you on the side of the road to die. Now, now honey, you leave the escortin' to the boys with the guns." Axel clenched his fists not because he was going to swing but because he knew that if he made one move towards them there would be three gun barrels pointed at him. I had to do something quickly or else Axel could have been executed right in front of me without a moment of hesitation. The only violence I had ever witnessed was back home and it was usually drunken fights on the Thirteenth but I had never witnessed a gun actually being drawn. "I want a parlay right now with your president! RIGHT NOW! You can call Max Sweet and he'll tell you to back off and let me take my deserter back to our own charter!" The three men stared at me and for a moment I half expected them all to burst out laughing at me trying to pull a rank card and the tension grew thick enough to make me start sweating beneath my leather. Of course, I was lying. Max Sweet had no idea where I was and according to the new revelations, he didn't know where Axel was either. They could have easily called me on my bluff but I felt the deflation take hold and they began to realize that there was the potential for a war to start if any of them harmed us. "Yeah, that's right. I'm here to talk to Roy! Like I fucking said! Axel! Let's go, now!" I yelled. Axel beamed at me and hopped to my command almost instantly. The rest of them gawked and gaped but I wasn't finished. With a brand new sense of courage, I strolled up to the asshole with the greasy hair and the Captain Hook nose and pointed my finger in his face. "If you ever call me sweetie or talk to any fucking woman like that and I find out about it, I'll have your fucking balls and that's a damn promise. You think you knew Al and how he rolled? Well, I'm ten times fucking worse." Crunching the gravel down with my boot as I spun around, I walked towards the front doors of the clubhouse with Axel quick to follow. When we were far enough away he scoffed at me and nudged me with his elbow. "Holy fuck, mama. That was a boss fucking move! That was so hot, holy shit." "How about you shut the fuck up too, deserter." I snapped at him as I pulled open the door and entered without so much as glancing at him. If Axel really was a deserter than this all had the potential to become extremely volatile. I was in danger just by being around him if what they said were true. I had to get the information I needed from Roy and then bolt the hell out of there before any bad word got around that I was pretending to be part of the Sweet Demons. In reality, I had nothing to do with the actual club and was more of a legal landlord to the property that housed the original clubhouse. These days it had become more of a landmark or tourist attraction and much less of a place where any club business went down. I had made sure of that. Roy was in the club meeting room at the head of the table on a cellphone that looked comically tiny in his massive mitt of a hand. He motioned for me to wait as he ended his phone call gruffly. In front of him were three other cell phones of varying levels of archaism. They must have been burner phones because I hadn't witnessed anyone voluntarily using a flip phone in over a decade. "Angel! Good morning. Who's this that you've got with you?" "My... Boyfriend. Listen, Roy, I'm really in a rush to get moving. Please tell me you found something for me. Anything." Roy sighed and shook his big tattooed head, running his animal balloon fingers over the skin and then down the front of his beard. "Kid, it's hard to say. Your ma pretty much ghosted everybody. All I could find out is that she had been in a trailer park in Mumby. Whether she was stopping in or living there is another guess. One of my guys says he was up there at Lovesick Park for some party and recognized her from back in the day at the rallies. He didn't say much to her though and took off the next day." "Where the fuck is Mumby?" I asked. "Way the hell up North. You're talking sixteen hours and across the border." Usually, the idea of riding another day exactly the way I had come from would drive me to the brink of tears but I looked over at Axel and saw the perfect riding partner. We hadn't even left and I already started enjoying the thought of getting on our bikes and ripping off together. Even though he had a lot of explaining to do, for some reason I was looking forward to the argument. "Roy... Thank you. Honestly. I'm so glad I came to you. And thanks for everything. You've been a huge help." "You're welcome to stay another night if you want to. It's nothin' to me." "No. I can't. Thank you though. I really appreciate everything. You've done more than enough for me... More than you needed to." He nodded and the lines in his boxing glove face wrinkled up as he smiled. "Anything for Al. That man changed the game." Axel followed me out of the meeting room once my business with Roy was concluded and upstairs so I could shove all of my things back into my knapsack. I wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. The risk of one of those guys deciding to follow up on my bluff was so high I was tasting copper at the back of my throat. "Angel... Slow down. Can we like... Talk for a second?" Axel pulled at my elbow. "Oh, so now you want to talk, do you? Now that your element of surprise was blasted wide open and you no longer have a piece of juicy meat to dangle in front of me? Yeah. You're a deserter and I could get my ass killed for defending you!" "I'm not a fucking deserter! I swear to God. Max knows!" "Knows what? Knows that you abandoned your charter after something happened in Florida? Were you going to tell me that? Or were you going to keep your dirty secrets all to yourself and dole them out like little fucking dog treats to me? Fuck you, Axel. If you're going to ride with me you better fucking tell me everything!" "I will! I am! I was... Fuck! I was obviously going to tell you. I didn't expect the three fucking homophobes outside to call me out in the fucking parking lot!" Wrenching open the drawer I had dumped my clothes into, I tossed him a glare and began hauling out everything by the fistful, shoving it all haphazardly into my bag. Once I had all of my effects in order, I slung the bag onto my shoulder and came up in front of Axel who had been standing at the door watching me with panic heavy in his eyes. "Hey! Hey... Listen to me," his voice softened and he reached out to touch my face but I dodged him. He didn't much like being denied the touch so he took one step closer to me and did that thing where he peered down menacingly like a bird of prey from on high. "Angel... I said I was going to tell you everything and I meant it. Why the fuck do you think I drove for days just to find your ass?" "To fuck up my life and get me killed?" "Maybe! Just maybe! But not today! Not right after I finally found you. Like... months down the road or maybe even years I'd do something stupid enough to get us both shot." "Yeah, well, I just lied right to their faces. I'm no fucking VP. I literally have no pull with the Sweets by the rules. If Roy finds out that you're actually a deserter and I'm taking you anywhere besides straight to Max, then guess how many people are going to be on our asses?" "Four fucking thousand?" "That's right." "Well... Maybe you shouldn't have lied then," he had the gall to admonish me. "I just saved your ass, Axel!" He put his hands on my shoulders and swayed me around playfully. "Because you love me. You looove me! I am your boooyfriend! You even saaaid so!" Axel continued to tease me through song and I turned bright red. "That was... Another lie! You're not my boyfriend. You've only been back in my life for half a day and shit has already hit the fan!" The tall, tattooed, dancing idiot gripped my face and bore into my eyes with his. "It's because we have so much chemistry, isn't it? We're just a couple of matches ready to get dragged down that strip called road." "Man... You are a fucking fruitcake." ~*~ We managed to pull out of the clubhouse parking lot unscathed by angry bikers that would never pass up an opportunity to uphold the outdated laws of the road. I had to admit that I had never been so excited to get back on my bike with my helmet on and my backpack straps pulled tightly around my shoulders. Even though the sun was starting to peek out from the smokey grey clouds and warm up the pavement, I donned my tight, custom leather jacket that had been made especially for me by a woman that frequented the Thirteenth rallies. She was a leatherworker by trade and an artist by passion so naturally, every line, seam, and stitch of the jacket was handmade lovingly with great attention. It was my most favourite article of clothing because I had her embroider my dad's riding name above the left breast pocket. All covered from helmet to sunglasses to facemasks, jackets, jeans and boots we rode along the right of the road until we hit wide open cement and took advantage of the long sprawling landscape to ride side by side. You could see for a mile in every direction and it was all fields and farmland for a little while until we cut through the country and ended up right in the middle of a city that was bustling with afternoon traffic. Axel had fallen a few spots back but I could see him in my mirrors. He looked like a mantis seated on a threatening viridian horse that never stopped snarling with his big black round sunglasses and his acid-green bandana tied around the lower half of his face. I had to laugh to myself and shake my head. Axel was not a subtle man and every detail about him screamed something in your face on purpose. He was such a blight of green and holy shit that people liked to honk their horns in tribute and children stared with their sticky hands and faces planted on the windows of their parent's SUVs. I knew that my appearance was no more modest than his. During the first year of Axel's absence, I had poured myself into building the bike that I had started with my dad when I was twelve. It was supposed to be a pink crotch-rocket that suited my size completely but after my mom had left us I didn't want to have anything to do with bikes ever again. The incomplete machine got covered up and put in the back of the garage to remind my father and myself that some things just exist to remain incomplete. By the time we dragged it out, it was a relic of our strained past but also a token to our relationship. Despite all of his flaws and tarnished legal record, one thing remained certain; he had been the best father anyone could ever ask for. It became obvious as we took the bike apart that an update would have to be in order. I didn't want a speedy little sleek bike. I wanted a beefy, crawling candy pink chopper with obnoxiously high handlebars and blazing chrome details on every inch possible. I wanted her to be fast but comfortable and we spared no expense on parts. She was made of the finest metal a biker and his kid could procure. Gazing down at my gas meter, I noticed that I was getting really low and I signaled to Axel that we needed to gas up. We slithered slowly through the cramped city streets, thrumming loudly between lanes of people trying to get back to work after lunch. It took a while for us to come up to a gas station but it was out of the main knot of the city and close to the highways. I wanted to avoid riding through cities as much as possible because of Axel being the call-to-attention that I did not need. "Fuck, I'm starving again," Axel told me after untying his facemask and yanking off his helmet. He kept his sunglasses on and I could see sweat and condensation glistening on his face and in his mustache. "Just grab a bunch of snacks from inside," I suggested. "God. I hate gas station food," he grumbled. "We can stop at a Denny's and get you some more pancakes, princess," I teased. "I could go for that. Breakfast again." "Can you grab me an energy drink and oh! Check if they have those little cream-filled cupcakes. I have to take a piss." Axel smiled at me, "I'm going to make you into a little cream-filled cupcake." "Fuck you," I jested, pushing him away lightly. "I sure fucking hope you do. Listen... We have to haul for a few more hours then I want to find a hotel. You and I have a lot of catching up to do." "Fine then, deserter. Gas up and grab some food. I'll see you back out there." Axel leered and grabbed my shoulder, swooping in with his eyebrows notched together angrily. "Fucking call me that again. That asshole back at the Four's club was right when he said that I can literally beat your ass and leave you in a ditch and nobody would know about it." I shrugged him off, equally as appalled by his words. "Fuck you, Axel. I was just joking!" He shook his head and stood up tall again. "The amount of fucking disrespect I've received the last few weeks I've spent trying to find you is really starting to wear me down. I don't need you accusing me of shit when you don't even know a thing about me!" "Easy! I said I was joking!" "You're stupid, Angel! Why the hell are you even out here? And without any protection at all? You can't tell me you have a gun up your ass. No, you're just cruising out here telling people about your Daddy and fluttering around like a little butterfly thinking one of these motherfuckers won't spike your drink and rape you." "You are being SO dramatic!" I yelled at him. A middle-aged man that was paying at the pump for his gas looked over at us and our parked bikes and then pretended like he saw nothing. "Angel, I've seen some shit. Some real fucking shit that would make you yack. For you to be perusing around biker clubs by yourself is dangerous." "Well guess what?" I stood up on my tiptoes and poked him hard in the chest, "I've been fucking fine without you so far! So I suggest you shut up and take the fucking joke! You can hop on the road going backward, buddy! I don't need you at all! Arrogant prick... You think I can't move the fuck on with my life without you? Go fuck yourself, Axel!" I gasped as he gripped my jaw and started backing me up so quickly I thought I would certainly trip over something and fall but he had me in place and the last car in the station was just pulling away. When I hit a wall Axel ducked in and kissed me hard. The prickle of his facial hair caused me to wince but the taste of his lips made it worth the pain. He pulled me along the wall, gripping blindly with his tongue in my mouth for the door handle to the bathroom. Wrenching open the door, he shoved me inside and pulled the door shut. Already breathless, I pointed at the knob. "Lock it." "Get the fuck on your knees." "Axel, lock the door first." He took one looming step forward defiantly and the blaze of anger on his face only strengthened. "Did you fucking hear me, little girl? I said get on those knees." When I sank to the dirty floor Axel took another step closer to me. I didn't expect him to come at me so aggressively and for a moment I felt like I could be in real danger. After all, I didn't actually know a thing about him even if I pretended to. He could have been a murderer. He could have been in jail. He could have done something terrible like what those guys back at the club had said. I tried not to picture Axel melting someone's face into steaming liquid slurry. "How are you gonna say sorry to me? You make me so very upset when you say mean things. Don't you know it's not nice to call names?" "Um... I'm sorry," I said, voice small and shaky. "Don't be scared, kitten. You remember my safe word, don't you?" I nodded and felt a wave of nostalgic arousal send the first wave of endorphins shooting through my body. Axel smiled and caressed my jaw with his gloved hand. "Well, what is it?" "Mercy," I replied. "Mm-hmm, that's right. Good girl, you remember." It was pathetic how easy it was for him to tame me. Then again, he was so damn bad and gorgeous that it figured he could tame most anyone. He was a living lightning rod of pure erotic obscenity and even more so to me because I couldn't get off to any thought other than the ones I had of him reducing me to a whimpering, wet mess. Nothing else did it for me. Only the memory of him fucking me in a tool shed and refusing to go down on me could get me close to the edge. "Now, if you please, open up that little mouth and show me your tongue," Axel asked, tone shifting politely. As I opened my mouth and stuck out my tongue, Axel popped open the button of his jeans and pulled them down. A bulge of arousal pressed tightly against the crotch of his boxers and I loved the way it looked all bound in fabric and growing. "See what you do to me? I can't even look at you with your mouth open and not get hard. It's like your mouth was made for me to fuck it. Don't you agree, sugar?" "Yes," I said, leaving my mouth open and my tongue out for him to gaze upon. He stroked the salty pad of his thumb over the slick muscle hanging out between my teeth and purred like an engine. "Oh, the nights I spent thinking about this dirty fucking mouth. Your sweet lips wrapped around my cock... That tongue running over my balls. Fuck. Yeah, I think I need that again." The blinking fluorescent light in the dingy bathroom glinted off of every wet surface in the room. There was a puddle in the corner, a leaking faucet, yellowish-brown nicotine stains dripping down the tiled walls and a fat, clear nacre of precum taking form on the front of his boxers that aroused my appetite despite our squalid surroundings. Even though the stench of a thousand bowel-movements permeated the air, I still let my mouth hang open as he angled his hips closer to my face so I could lick at the warm bubble of his arousal. He treated it like my tongue was cold and he was oh so hot, seething just by me sucking on the already wet material. "Shit... You are a filthy little thing, aren't you? God, that's what I like about you. So willing to fuck me and please me anywhere I need it, huh? Such a good girl I almost forgot about your disgusting mouth from earlier. Almost." I reached up to pull down his boxers but he stepped away to leave me clutching at air. "No, no. Not so fast. I know you're just begging to be fed but you have to finish what you started first. Now go on, suck up all of Daddy's precum." He had to bend at the knees for me to be able to reach him but it didn't hinder him from tilting his head back and moaning loudly as I sucked a big dark blotch through the cotton of his boxers. The vulgar feeling of wet material in my mouth made me eager for him to actually pull his cock out so that I could run my tongue along something that didn't feel sopping and gauzy. When he finally hooked his thumbs under the waistband and let his erection fall out I squealed pleasantly and reached a hand up to grip it steady. Axel batted my hand away though and lifted his shaft up himself to keep me from latching onto him. "No cock until you've played with my balls first. Come on, sugar. Suck on Daddy's balls like a good little kitten." I opened my mouth wider so he could drop himself onto my tongue while he stroked his shaft above my head. Even though I was terrified somebody was going to walk in, I couldn't help but hum around him enthusiastically just so I could hear him moan from the feeling. Moisture from the ground started seeping through the knees of my pants and I was growing hot in my jacket so I stripped it off and got back to licking every inch of what he would allow me. Soon he needed the heat of my mouth around the head of his cock and he forced my head back so he could hit my tongue with it. "Yes, yes. Good girls love cock, don't they? Don't they?" "Yes," I replied. "Tell me what you love," he pressed me for the answer he wanted like a parent dredging up the truth from a fibbing child. "I love cock." "Whose cock do you love?" "Your cock, Daddy." "Say it." "I love your cock, Daddy." He smiled and touched my cheek lovingly, "I know you do, sugar. Open up. I want to see the back of that throat." My mouth was assaulted by his shaft thrusting in and out of me like my head was merely a hole for his pleasure and his pleasure only. He didn't concern himself with my ability to breathe between thrusts and I had to gasp for air each time he pulled out to make sure I didn't faint from how hard he shoved his cock down my throat. We only did that for a little while until drool started pouring down my chin and dripping off his head. He pulled my head back by my hair and smiled at me proudly. "You can really take a good throat-fucking. Now, get up. Pull down those nice tight jeans. Daddy needs to pump his little cupcake full of cream." It was disgusting and I hated how when I watched him kick the lid of the toilet seat down so he could sit on it that I followed him. He motioned with two fingers for me to sit on his lap. "Come on, pants off, pants off!" He urged. I scrambled to get them down as I stood between his parted legs. He grabbed me by the hip, turned me around so I was facing away from him and slowly brought me down. We both gasped when the head of his cock aligned perfectly with my open and I eased the rest of my weight down onto him, fully submerging him in the tight heat of my wetness. He lifted my legs up and slung them both to one side so he could hook his arm under my knees and support my back with the other arm just like if I were his little baby and he was rocking me to sleep. "Oh, Christ. I love being balls deep in your pussy, baby. Do you like it too?" "Yes, Daddy." "Oh, fuck, hold still, sugar." Axel used all of his upper body strength to lift me up and down but soon realized our position wasn't going to be sustainable for long and stood up with me still in his arms. He tried again to fuck me standing up but had to put me down when my boots and jeans proved too difficult to maneuver in. With a growl of frustration, Axel ripped off his jacket and tossed it on the grimy floor near mine. "Fuck it, bend over the sink." Only Axel got to watch himself fucking me in the mirror because I was held down with my face nearly eating the faucet. He was wildly rocking into me and grunting, only taking pauses to spank my ass loudly and call me dirty little pet names. "I'm going to come inside that pussy. Know why?" He asked through his clenched teeth, fingers wrapped harshly around my hips so he could pull me in to meet his thrusts. "Because my pussy belongs to you?" I whimpered. "Yes. That's right, baby and you know I like to feed my hungry little pussy all the cum she wants." I started feeling weak when he reached around and toyed with my clit almost like an afterthought. I was so lost in the shroud of lust and adrenaline-laced fear of being discovered that my heart began to beat as quick as his pumps into me. "You like it when I touch your sweet little clit while I fuck you?" He asked rhetorically. Of course, I loved it. My tortured moans were indication enough and when the slaps of our skin became claps and our fragmented breaths became deep panting I knew that it wouldn't be long before we speared ourselves on the sharp peak of orgasm together. He promised to keep rubbing my clit as long as I squeezed my pussy tighter around him. Nodding, promising, begging and doing anything I could to convince him that my body was his to use, he shoved his fingers down my throat and came hard. I was crushed up against the sink with his entire weight and his cock twitching inside my spasming walls. After he pulled out of me the trickle of his cum immediately followed. Out of breath and dizzy, Axel shuffled over to the toilet paper dispenser and began unrolling wads of it to clean up the thick white mess leaking down his shaft. He kicked the toilet seat open once more and dropped the soiled paper in the water. I was still a mess bent over the sink and only smiled after he brought me my own huge wad of tissue paper to mop up my inner thighs. "Fuck, it stinks in here. Let's get out of here and get some fucking snacks. Now I'm really starving." I cleaned up as much of the stickiness that I could but when I hiked my jeans back up and began taking steps towards the door I felt more of his seed working it's way out of me to stain the crotch of my panties. Axel stopped me and nodded towards the toilet. "Go pee. We're not stopping again for another couple of hours." Ever the gentleman, Axel held the door open for me when I was done and smiled as I stepped out of the gas station bathroom back into the light of day. I felt like a sex-crazed vampire that had just emerged from its filthy, bodily-fluid ridden hole. He had been right about us needing to find a hotel because the thought of a shower was the only thing keeping me from feeling one hundred percent like I had just crawled out of a gutter. As if nothing had happened, we walked into the gas station and were greeted by the clerk behind a counter full of scratch tickets, candy bars, cheap phone chargers, and nine-hour energy shots. Axel whistled at me to get my attention and waved a blue package at me. "Look, honey, they have your cupcakes!"

#zeitgeist fanfiction #axel cluney fanfiction #bill skarsgård fanfiction #bill skarsgard fanfiction #bill skarsgård smut #fanfiction

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catfuchi · 3 months ago

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#drawing #my artwork #dandys world #i feel a beat coming on... hit it boxten!!#sprout dandys world #fruitcake #dw fruitcake #sprout x cosmo #dandys world cosmo

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writsgrimmyblog · 8 years ago

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Ficlet: Material Girl

I had a couple of anons asking for Harry spending his popstar money on Nick when I made a call for prompts for Wednesday Night Drabbles/Ficlets. The drabbles/ficlets (so far all ficlets, definitely not drabbles) didn’t all get delivered on the evening, and I still have a couple more to post. If you’re interested the first three are Chicken and Chips (Louis/Nick), Always You (Harry/Nick) and Straight Through Crew (Louis/Nick).

I feel like Harry doesn’t buy Nick nearly enough things in this to qualify for his sugar daddy status, but I hope the anons that wanted Harry spending money on Nick like the fic nonetheless. Thank you for prompting!

Nick’s doing just fine financially, thanks. The whole fucking debacle with the Beeb releasing his salary let people know that Nick’s got a decent amount of money coming into the bank. Nick still wants to thank Twitter for their suggestions that he’s overpaid, but he’s been talked down after a tequila shot too many by Aimee and left well alone. Sensible. Nick is very, very sensible.

One thing Nick definitely doesn’t need is popstars paying his way. Particularly not when those popstars have distracting dimples, arresting cheekbones and are dangling Gucci slippers directly in Nick’s eyeline.

“Harold.”

“Nick.” Harry swings the shoes enticingly like he’s being paid by one of the world’s biggest fashion houses to promote their wares – which he probably is. “Try them on.”

“I’ll look stupid.”

“You won’t.” Harry tugs his bottom lip between his teeth and, excellent. That isn’t at all distracting. “Just put them on, will you?”

Nick grumbles loudly enough that the woman hyperventilating over a Harry Styles cash injection can definitely hear. She frowns at him. Nick’s being attacked from all sides. Harry Lambert’s in the corner of the changing room swinging his Gucci-clad foot around like it’s nobody’s business and Harry’s dimples only get deeper the more he smiles. There’s no choice. Nick has to slide the leather onto his feet (Christ, he hates his toes) and hope he doesn’t look too ridiculous.

“Fine. Here they are.” Nick does a flouncy walky thing across the dressing room and strikes a pose, sticking his hip out and giving Harry a look. “Good?”

“So good.” Harry sounds a bit husky, probably from the fact he had a late night with Gemma. “Get them.”

“I’m an impoverished DJ.” Nick glares at Harry. “I can’t just throw money around like you can, on Gucci that looks like my nana’s sofa.”

Harry laughs. It’s one of those snorts that’s desperately endearing and his face creases. The dimples are back.

“Get the bloody shoes, Nick,” Harry Lambert says. He’s definitely enjoying Nick’s discomfort.

“Birthday present.” Harry reaches for the box the slippers arrived in and whispers something to the woman eyeing them all. She scurries off and Harry beams. “Like the jumpers.”

Nick looks through the open curtain leading to the dressing room. The jumpers are actually YSL. His birthday present from Harry, together with an afternoon tea and an enormous poster of Frank Ocean.

“You’ve got me a present already. Several, actually.”

Harry grins. “Let me get you another.”

Christ. The thing is, Nick really isn’t friends with Harry because he has a ridiculous propensity to buy shit which makes people smile. He’s friends with Harry because he’s fucking Harry and he’s so far away from being one of the asshole popstar’s Nick’s encountered during his time on the radio, it’s brilliant.

“I don’t need another present.”

“I want to, though.” Harry (Styles) pouts, Harry (Lambert) laughs and Nick leaves the shop with Gucci slippers that are comfortable enough to make him want to cry.

“Do you like your presents?” Harry’s curled up on Nick’s sofa tucking into some carb-loaded potato curry monstrosity that’s making Nick’s mouth water. He went for the spinach curry which was rank and he definitely wants a bit of whatever Harry’s eating.

“I do.” Nick waggles his foot, the Gucci slipper hitting against his heel. “Proper fancy, me.”

“Yeah.” Harry offers Nick some of his potato and it’s as spicy and delicious as Nick had hoped. “Can’t believe Bake Off’s on Channel Four.”

“Gutted.” Nick swallows around his mouthful of food and kicks his feet again. “Going to do the celebrity special?”

“Well I did use to be a baker.” Harry grins and puts his plate on the coffee table. “Reckon I’d be able to do a few loaves or something.”

“Not sure you’d be able to manage one of those fancy pasty things, though.” Nick pokes Harry in the side. “Proper difficult, them.”

“I could do it.” Harry has this determined look on his face, his eyebrows knitting together.

“Course you could.”

“I had this idea for this fruitcake with this massive lion on it.” Harry looks excited and Nick doesn’t have the heart to tell him it sounds like a fucking terrible idea.

“Brilliant.”

“Sick.” Harry looks so, so happy and Nick’s stomach does this thing where his insides squirm and he has to look away from Harry for a moment just so he can breathe.

“Sick,” Nick agrees. “Like my Gucci and YSL.”

“Yeah.” Harry goes quiet and he pushes a hand through his hair. Nick’s still not used to seeing it short, even after all this time. “Nick?”

“Yeah?” Nick flicks the channel and First Dates comes on. He loves First Dates.

“Do you think we should fuck?”

Nick swallows around his beer and looks pointedly at the screen. There’s something going on because the waitress is smiling and some bloke looks like he’s living his best life ever, but all Nick can hear is white noise.

“What?” He thinks he says it out loud. He might not have done. It’s perfectly possible his words are still somewhere inside his head.

“I think we should.” Harry sounds determined. “It might be nice.”

Nice. Nick’s head is spinning and he’s definitely not thinking about nice. He’s thinking about filthy as fuck, take you over my knee, Harry Styles. He’s thinking about fucking Harry so soundly he won’t ever want to go on a yacht or have his heart rate beat beat to another supermodel again.

“You buy me Gucci slippers and think I’m anyone’s.” Nick faces Harry.

“I don’t expect you to fuck me because I buy you things.” Harry looks far too delighted by the concept. “Although if I’d have known it was that easy…you owe me a blowjob for the ‘enjoy’ sign.”

“Harold.”

“And another one for the Bowie picture. We can probably call the butterflies a hand job and I reckon that Proust is worth a decent snog, at least.”

“Harry.” Nick’s trying not to think too hard about sucking Harry’s cock because it’s leading to embarrassing physical reactions. “I’m not…a prostitute.” He tries to sound scandalised, he really does. It just ends up coming out a bit amused, and fond.

“I know.” Harry gets throaty and he leans closer with his ridiculous face and disarming smile. “But it would be fun to pretend.”

“For who?” Nick’s a sensible adult who has had a lot of sex and really, he shouldn’t let his voice break over Harry Styles but it does and there’s not a lot he can do about it.

“For us.” Harry’s so close and his breath smells like Baileys. Nick can’t even remember bringing the Baileys out. “We could also just be us. Fuck just as us. If you’re not into role play.”

“What do you know about role play?” Nick pokes Harry in the cheek, right where his smile dimples.

“A bit.” Harry looks unperturbed. “So you don’t want to fuck?”

“We could.” Nick eyes his discarded Gucci loafers on the floor and wonders when he became a kept man without ever realising it. “Might be weird, though.”

“Might be good?” Harry gives Nick another one of those smiles. The ‘enjoy’ sign glows in the background and the dogs seem fast asleep. Nick’s not sure he can breathe.

“Dunno about getting on my knees, thanking you for my presents.” Nick shrugs, his eyes on Harry.

“Doesn’t have to be you on your knees.” Harry slides onto the floor, easy as you like and rests his hands on Nick’s thighs. His palms are warm and he looks better than ever. “It makes me hot, buying you clothes.”

“Weirdo.” Nick strokes his fingers through Harry’s hair.

“Yeah.” Harry shrugs, his smile bright enough to light the whole room. He opens Nick’s trousers and spends enough time nosing around that Nick can’t help but squirm beneath his touch.

“Harry.”

“Yeah. Think I’ve got this.” Harry smiles and then he takes Nick into his mouth. Nick doesn’t know if Harry’s done this before – doesn’t particularly care – but he knows it feels breathtakingly good. It should be weird that it’s Harry, but it’s not. The stroke of Harry’s tongue over his cock, the tease, the slide of his hands over Nick’s thighs. Harry pulls off for a moment and tells Nick in his slow, Northern, husky voice how fit Nick is and even though Nick doesn’t believe it, it’s hot as hell to hear it from Harry’s lips. Nick jerks up into Harry’s mouth and stutters out an apology.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t.” Harry pulls off with a pop, his cheeks flushed. “Actually kinda like it.”

“Oh,” Nick says. He wants to tease Harry but he can’t because that beautiful suction is back and Harry’s using his hands and he’s on his knees with the enjoy sign in the background. It’s everything Nick’s ever wanted and it brings him to the familiar about to come feeling, right on the edge of climax. All he can see is Harry and it’s beautiful - something Nick thought could never happen but it did. Nick pushes into Harry’s mouth, pulsing, a bit embarrassed by the speed and the fact he didn’t even warn Harry.

Harry pulls back and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. He drops his hand to his crotch and palms himself, smug as you like.

“Did you like it? Was it okay?”

Nick stares at Harry. “Horrible. Obviously. Couldn’t you tell?”

Harry’s brow furrows. “Hey. I tried.”

“Come here.” Nick tugs Harry up and pushes him back on the sofa. “Harold.”

It sounds so ridiculous when Nick says Harry’s name. A bit like he’s in love already, even though he absolutely, definitely shouldn’t be.

“Nick.” Harry sounds amused. Slow and assured. He pushes his persistent cock into Nick’s thigh and he grins, all dimples, cheekbones and jawline.

“Want me to take care of that?” Nick squeezes the hard line between them.

“Yeah.” Harry’s breath leaves him with a shudder. “Do it.”

Nick shoves his hand into Harry’s pants and wanks him off right there in front of First Dates. Harry seems to like it because he gets breathy and ridiculous and keeps asking Nick to fuck him and Nick makes promises of another time he’s not sure either of them are ready to keep.

When it’s over, Nick slides his hand from Harry’s pants and uses the clean hand to thumb at Harry’s cheek. “Okay?”

Harry nods his head, watching Nick closely. “Yeah. Not sure how I feel about being Grimmy’s pal anymore.”

“Oh.” Nick swallows around the words that want to spill out because he loves Harry in all the ways that have never been allowed. He can’t imagine a life without Harry in it. “Not sure what to do with that.”

“I’ll still buy you cigarettes and mints.” Harry looks so pleased with himself and so oblivious to Nick’s anxieties. “Even if we’re not pals anymore.”

“You’re saying I need to keep my distance?” Nick’s mouth is dry and he looks at those stupid fucking shoes - his gift from Harry that no one’s ever going to know about.

“No.” Harry frowns at Nick. “I said I don’t want to be your friend anymore.” Harry’s frown gives way to a smile and he nudges Nick. “We don’t have to, like, go public. Not right away. Unless you want.”

“No.” Nick’s voice is a bit faint. He thinks he gets what Harry’s saying but it’s almost too much to say out loud. “Not right away.”

Harry laughs and everything feels warm. “Just take me to bed, Grim. I’ve never been fucked by a bloke before. I think I might like it.”

Nick takes Harry to bed and it turns out, Harry’s right. He does like it. When Harry and Nick come out it’s not Nick’s fault that Harry dresses him head-to-toe in designer garb and Nick definitely isn’t complaining.

#gryles #my fic #gryles fic #wednesday night drabbles

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the-firebird69 · 1 year ago

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It's a matter of timing no it seems that when these caverns start to feel up did they have enough fuel to fuel up their equipment and people started looking at that now it's become huge and things are happening and these people don't see it yet getting beat up by the max and it's going on now

It was not bja driving no it was and he hit his own girls and he said mouthing off and who was not bja you went and attacked the clone most chased by clones and you went and messed the store up cuz he found her helping the clones and have the accident occur and Garth was trying to take a bike from Tommy f they noticed what he was doing and Tommy f was seen in his car attacking a woman and drove off with her and was arrested under gunpoint. And he's an idiot he's trying to harm our son and her son was taking it the wrong way they moron can't figure it out. So the idiot was messing with Jenna and wasn't going to allow her to have a diagnosis. Tommy f try to use an excuse that and son didn't help him put his money away without telling the executor and my son hates him for holding him in the medical institutions and started killing his people and him. Please call me a moron I'm not one of your guys have a huge army I got a step on your dumbass and he's a f****** fruitcake and he's getting hit a lot for today's incident a lot. They published in the news and a lot of people are talking them it's going to continue and it will become huge shortly it's a massive massive deal that the idiot tried this kidnapping attempt. NFL have the cops and half the permit were clones and John remillard started to be afraid again and it should be and they're having a hard time so they're going ahead and getting her to factories and things like that and so now they're pulling in Garth and company and they're the clones and the same stuff to her son so we're going after him and we're going after him pretty hard the fool is sitting there on TV insulting our son and he's a gifted idiot and these people and it really awful and we're going after him in a moment he is going to be out soon permanently and we don't have to put up with it nobody is and they're getting grabbed quite a bit these clothes they come in they know they're huge problem they noticed that they're like anti-society and they're messing a lot of stuff up and they're anarchists and they don't have a reason to be and need stuff and they're still doing it so it means that they're building stuff inside the ships and they have not changed their motif they're ready to go a lot more than the max because the max have some sort of cohesive plan it's more logical so we're dealing with it and they're not rebels per se they are anarchists and separatists and he is seen beating up on a woman he got arrested in the parking lot and says so they arrest me that's what he said. Is on video and he kept doing it and the lady said I'm going to go and she sent it to the police and they arrested him and he kept on doing it after no he was in jail for a couple hours and he said something to her son so he got hit and he's going to hit a lot tons of people going after him here

Thor Freya

Olympus

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ecotone99 · 5 years ago

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[FN] Stink

When I was alive, I used to spend hours wondering what you were thinking. I’d try to sneak glimpses while you stared off into space, brow furrowed in concentration. I remember thinking how wonderful it would be with you there, in that far-off place where your mind went.

You caught me, sometimes, staring. You were never mean, but rather tersely polite in a way that made my teenage heart hurt. You’d tell me to pay attention, or give me an artfully confused smile, as if you didn’t know why I stared. Or worse, that you knew and did not care.

I get it now. You were- are- like me. But you were always better at hiding it. There were no forlorn gazes or unrequited love, no, not for you. That would be unproductive, unreasonable, unsafe. No one found reason to make fun of the way you walked, or to mock the lilt in your voice. You found roses, not rotten fruitcake and used condoms, in your locker on Valentine’s Day.

I don’t blame you for that, Brandon. Not for them. Death has a way of opening a person up to the world, and to the people in it. I know now the turn of your thoughts, the places your mind used to go. I know you think often of a wooded valley, painted red and gold by autumn splendor. I know you are guilty. I know who you are, and I know why you did what you did.

And I blame you.

You were cold when you should have been hot. It was October, but it was a Louisiana October, and the sun isn’t as cowed by winter here as it is elsewhere. In the weeks past, it had made football practice a hell of sweat and scratchy helmets, of sore muscles and even sorer tempers. But on that particular day, the Bayou sun was smothered by dingy grey fog. Condensation clung to every surface, and the air was so thick and stale you could taste it. Your clothes stuck to your body, greedily leeching heat from your limbs.

By the time you were on the field, I was already dead. I was new to death, and had not yet learned how to close myself off from… everything else. Like a stone cast into water, a violent death sends the soul rippling across the whole of existence.

And so, while you trudged onto the 50 yard line, I found myself among the skin mites in the pores of your face. I was the soil you churned beneath your feet, the rank air you breathed, and the gull who flapped above. I danced to the fever-frantic tune of electrons, and was sole witness to a thousand private thoughts. It was from the ground that I first learned I had died. Gravity is the weakest of forces, but also the most insistent. It pulled the far-flung reaches of my awareness into some semblance of a self, and taught me how to hold the hottest and heaviest parts of my being close.

But enough of my death. I am not telling you this because I am dead. I am telling you this because you still live.

Unfortunately.

The first sign that something was wrong was 6’5, covered in acne, and hit you in the head. Hard enough to send you sprawling on your back, carving a furrow in the mud. You lay there for several moments, unable to tell if the fog in your vision was from the weather or traumatic brain injury.

The coach decided, conveniently, to call for a water break. As you got to your feet, your attacker walked over to you and scuffled his feet on the ground in consternation. It would have been comical, but you’ve never seen Jacob apologize for hitting anybody in practice. In fact, you realized you’ve never seen the boy apologize for anything at all.

He bent his knees to look through your faceguard. Though the helmet distorted his face, you saw immediately that he was afraid. He glanced back and forth, before saying, “Brandon. Me and the boys need your help. There’s been an accident.”

Before you could respond, he grabbed your jersey and hauled you stumbling over the field. You righted yourself as gracefully as you could and walked in front of him. “What happened, Jake? Did Mischa get into a fight again? I told you that we can’t keep bailing him out anymore. It doesn’t matter that his dad is on the board, the administration will have to crack down on his shit eventually.”

Jake shook his head and said, “Just hurry.”

There were two other boys in the locker room when you entered. Brett, the team’s QB and town darling, paced along the wall. The other, who sat reclined on a bench, was feigning nonchalance. You two do not know each other. It does not matter.

“So?” you say, growing more nervous every second. “What’s this about?” Brett wordlessly pointed at the bathroom stall.

You went inside and found my body. You did not ask questions - the fact that my pants did not fit said everything you needed to know - but you were given answers anyway.

Jake implored, “It was all Brett’s fault, Brandon. He said that Lucas was coming on to him, and I just- we just, we thought we could rough him up a bit, you know? My cousin Randy, he was a bit of a bird, and my uncle had to beat it out of him. He’s got two kids and a wife now, a real cool guy. It was just tough love. We -”

Brett looked up from his pacing, eyes red and narrowed. “Will you shut up, you blubbering idiot? What the fuck does it matter why we did it? The queer is dead.” He put his head in his hands. “We’re so incredibly fucked.”

The boy on the bench sat up and looked at you. “I heard your dad was a cop. You probably picked up a thing or two about, like, CSI shit. We can just say it was an accident, right? Everybody knows faggots like Lucas are clumsy as shit. He slipped and hit his head on the toilet, end of story.”

Jake nodded vigorously. “Right, an accident! I slipped in there just last week, I still have the bruise to prove it.”

Brett said, “No, you idiots. Our DNA is all over that guy. Right, Brandon? CSI is going to be all over that shit. And - oh, fuck - those aren’t his pants, are they? You’re such a dumbass, Jake. How do you even breathe?”

Their voices receded from your awareness as you felt the gorge rising in your throat. The first emotion that hit you was anger. It was a brilliant scarlet, and felt hot and heavy behind your brow. At that moment, you wanted nothing more than to dash Brett’s brains against the floor. You wanted to crack Jake’s fingers in a vice and suck the marrow from his bones. Your desire for revenge was so profound that you found yourself unable to act, paralyzed by the sheer number of blooded fantasies competing for your attention.

It is this indecision that saved them and doomed you. For in those few seconds, a lifetime of fear and self-control crept back into your awareness. The blood lust halted, then crumbled as it was swept up in a surge of anxiety. You looked back at my body. It could be you, your lizard brain whispered. It could still be you.

You thought of the years you spent living in fear, learning what to say and how to say it. You recalled junior prom dates and the forced compliments that left your lips. Parents who seemed to leer at you, whose quiet disapproval grated more than any beating. But mostly, you thought of college, and being free, and away.

You looked up. “We need to move the body.”

The sun wavered on the horizon, bathing the whole forest in molten amber light. You were grateful for the crunch of dead leaves beneath your feet, for it masked the thwap-thwap of the gym bag against your thigh. Some macabre part of you imagined the gold and red of the trees as a sarcophagus, fit for a king. Fit for me.

There is a small graveyard nestled in the crook of Pearl River, crumbling and mouldered by the passage of time. Before strip malls and football fields and white men with guns, the Acolapissa buried their dead here. It is rich in memories, the kind that lurk behind trees, under rocks, and in bones. The noise of civilization is soft enough that you can feel the echoes of leather-padded feet on soil.

Besides these memories, we were alone, you and I and my body. The hole did not dig itself, and I had neither the capability nor the inclination to help you along.

You rationalized to yourself that this was a small kindness, to have picked such a place for my body to lie. You told yourself that I was dead, and no longer cared what happened to you or my body or anything else. As your muscles began to tremble from digging through the frost-bitten dirt, you allowed yourself to think of it as penance.

Though the air was clean and crisp, it had been long enough for my body to stink. It was the kind of smell that lingers, clinging to clothes and memories longer that it had any right to. It followed you when you put the last of the dirt over my body. It followed you into your car, and into your house. You showered until your hands were shriveled and raw, and still it persisted.

The dead have so very little control over the living. It is the price we pay for our knowledge - the more we become part of the world, the less we are able to affect it. But there is one place where we can work our magic, one time when we can speak and be heard. It is in that in-between place where reality meets perception, in the faces the living see in shadows and in their dreams.

Do you hear me, Brandon? Do you smell me, rotting in the dirt? Can you feel me worming my way through the cracks in your mind, the splinters in your soul? You denied me justice because you wanted your freedom.

There is no freedom from the dead.

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placetobenation · 5 years ago

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SmackDown on Fox Episode #13 SmackDown Episode # 1,062 Detroit, MI – Little Caesars Arena 12/27/19

The show opens with Elias in the ring ready to sing us a song and that is exactly what he did as he sings a song that talks about things that happened in 2019 (which included digs at Bayley and Shane McMahon) he is also happy that SmackDown isn’t featuring Bobby Lashley and Lana’s wedding. He closes out the song by telling us what we have to look forward to on this episode of SmackDown. We then get our usual intro video and after that Daniel Bryan makes his way to the ring as seemed like the big number one contender triple threat match would be opening the show, but we all know that would be too good to be true as during his entrance Corbin tells his henchmen to the sedan down because he has something to say. Corbin talks about how Miz and Bryan are terrible fathers and then says he shouldn’t even be in the triple threat and should already be number one contender because he is the only man to defeat Roman Reigns twice. Reigns music hits and this causes the henchmen to drop the sedan out of fear which causes Corbin to crash to the floor. Reigns beat up Corbin around ringside and hit him with the Superman Punch, but Corbin is able to escape through the crowd before Reigns can hit him with a Spear. The referees and agents come out to calm Reigns down and prevent him from going after Corbin. As we go to break the status of the triple threat match is unclear. We come back from break and Corbin is in the back arguing with agent Adam Pearce as Corbin wants the match postponed, but Pearce says that he can’t do that. We then get ready for our first match of the night by showing what happened last week between New Day, Braun Strowman, and Sami Zayn’s crew. Match #1: The New Day & Braun Strowman vs Cesaro, Shinsuke Nakamura, & Sami Zayn Big E and Cesaro started the match with a lock up and then exchange headlocks until Cesaro shoots Big E into the ropes and Big E comes back with a shoulder block. Big E tags Kingston in and Kingston leapfrogs over Big E and lands on Cesaro with a senton. Cesaro kicks Kingston in the gut and then tags in Nakamura. Kingston hits Nakamura with a jumping back elbow and then clotheslines him to the outside where he looks to hit a dive but Zayn grabs the foot of Kingston as he runs to the ropes. Nakamura runs back in and hits Kingston with a backstabber and then tags in Zayn. Zayn stomps and punches Kingston while taunting Strowman and Big E and then Zayn throws Kingston to the floor. While Zayn has the referee distracted Cesaro hits Kingston with a huge European uppercut that sends both Kingston and Cesaro flying across the announce table. Strowman and Big E check on Kingston as we go to commercial. As we come back from commercial Cesaro has control of Kingston but that ends quickly when Kingston springs out of the corner with a dropkick. Cesaro tags in Nakamura who prevents Kingston from making the tag. Nakamura makes a tag to Cesaro who comes off the top with an ax handle to the back of Kingston. Cesaro gets a 2 count off a gutwrench suplex and then locks Kingston in a chin lock. Kingston gets to his feet and hits Cesaro with a chin breaker and then attempts to make a tag but Cesaro catches him and hits him with another hellacious uppercut that only gets a 2 count. We get another tag on the heel side as Nakamura comes in and hits Kingston with a front suplex and then drives his knees into Kingston. Nakamura then grounds Kingston with a rest hold. Kingston gets to his feet and tries to reach over and make a tag but Nakamura puts him in an abdominal stretch and proceeds to mock Big E by spanking Kingston to the New Day Rocks beat, this brings Big E into the ring momentarily but as Big E turns around Nakamura attacks him from behind and sends him to the floor. Kingston catches Nakamura with the SOS and this gives Kingston the opportunity to make a tag to Strowman but Cesaro is tagged in and he runs right over the body of Kingston. Cesaro tries to knock Strowman off the apron but Strowman grabs his arm until Zayn comes over and distracts Strowman, Strowman starts to stalk Zayn but that is put to an end when Cesaro hits him with a wrecking ball dropkick. Cesaro gets back in the ring to deal with Kingston but gets backdropped but there is nobody for Kingston to tag. Nakamura hits Kingston from behind and then Cesaro hits Kingston with a running European uppercut in the corner and after that Nakamura hits the sliding German suplex which gets a 2 count as Big E comes in and breaks the pin. Big E sends Cesaro to the outside but is caught with a spinning wheel kick from Nakamura. Nakamura looks to hit Kingston with the Kinshasa but Kingston is able to counter it with a mushroom stomp. Kingston finally makes a hot tag to Strowman and as he does Zayn jumps off the apron so that Nakamura can’t tag him in. Strowman hits both Nakamura and Cesaro with shoulder blocks and then hits Nakamura with an avalanche in the corner. It’s time for the Strowman express as he goes out and runs around the ring hitting both Cesaro and Nakamura but when it comes time to hit Zayn he runs away so Strowman chases him around the ring and runs right into a big kick from Nakamura who jumped off the steps. Nakamura is able to get Strowman into the ring and looks to hit him with the Kinshasa but Strowman explodes out of the corner with a big lariat. Strowman gets Nakamura in position for the Powerslam, but Cesaro saves him and then hits Strowman with a springboard uppercut. Big E pulls Cesaro out of the ring and sends him over the barricade. Zayn slides Nakamura the plate that the pancakes were on, but before he can use it Kingston is able to grab it and hit Nakamura with it as the referee is distracted by Zayn and this allows Strowman to hit the Powerslam on Nakamura to get the win. Winners: New Day & Braun Strowman via Pinfall Match Rating: **3/4 After the match, New Day gets Strowman to dance. This was a fun match that had a really long heel control segment as it felt like Kingston was never going to make that tag, but that just made the moment when he did make the tag mean that much more. The European uppercuts in this match were awesome, especially the one over the announce table. I think Zayn did a really good job of being the chicken shit heel manager who is in the match but is never touched. This was the first match Zayn has had on TV since August when he was defeated by Cedric Alexander in the first round of the King of the Ring tournament. As we go to break Kayla Braxton is seen talking to Adam Pearce about the status of the triple threat match as there will be an update after the commercial. When we come back we are told that Corbin has refused to compete, however instead of postponing the match it has now been turned into a one on one match between Daniel Bryan and The Miz. Sonya is in the back signing programs when Mandy walks up and asks Sonya to be in her corner tonight, but Sonya hesitates and reminds Mandy that she was nowhere to be seen last week. Sonya eventually agrees and says she will be right out there as soon as she delivers the programs she had been signing. Otis walks up and has a fruitcake that he says was made by his mama and he gives the cake to Mandy. As we go to break Carmella is making her way to the ring. Match #2: Carmella vs Mandy Rose They lock up and Mandy knees Mella in the mid-section before driving her back to the corner where she delivers a couple of shoulder attacks to the mid-section. Mandy charges at Mella but Mella is able to avoid her and then does a moonwalk. Mandy elbows out of a rear waist lock and then tackles Mella to the mat and starts hitting her from a mounted position. Mandy sends Mella hard into the corner and when Mella bounces out of the corner Mandy hits her with a dropkick and the bicycle knee for a 2 count. Mandy grounds Mella with a straight jacket hold and when Mella finally gets to her feet Mandy slams her right back down. Mandy toys around with Mella and talks trash to her until Carmella fires back with a big smack to the face which leads to Mandy delivering a smack of her own. Mella keeps preventing Mandy from attacking her in the corner and then Mella takes Mandy down with a hurricanrana out of the corner. Mella walks over to grab Mandy out of the corner but Mandy sends Mella into the middle turnbuckle face-first. Mandy and Mella exchange pinning combinations but none of them are able to get either woman the win. Mandy tries for an O’Connor roll but Mella holds onto the rope and then hits Mandy with a superkick out of nowhere to get the win.

Winner: Carmella via Pinfall Match Rating: **¼

This was a good match and was much better than you would expect if you saw on paper that Mandy and Carmella were going to have a match against each other. Not exactly sure where Carmella beating both members of Fire & Desire goes other than building Carmella up to make fans think she has a chance in the women’s rumble match. It feels like there are two different stories going on with Mandy as we have this one with Carmella which also involves Sonya not being happy with her (which is a story they seem to go to every few months and it never goes anywhere) and she also has the story going with Otis and there is no telling where that story may go. One thing I will criticize about the match is the fact that Mandy is still doing the whole thing where she yells that her opponent isn’t as good looking as her, I feel that since she is edging toward being a babyface that she doesn’t need to do that anymore, I mean I have never liked that part of her character but even more so now because that is definitely not something a babyface says. We are told the Daniel Bryan vs Miz match will be coming up next after the break. As we come back we get another Sheamus vignette Match #3: Daniel Bryan vs The Miz (WWE Universal Championship #1 Contender Match) Bryan and Miz lock up and exchange headlocks and waist locks until Bryan shoots Miz off into the ropes and Miz comes back with a shoulder block taking Bryan down. We get a test of strength which Bryan gets the best of as he uses it to get control of Miz’s arm and works it over until Miz hits him with a back elbow. We get a drop-down and leapfrog spot that ends with Bryan landing a big kick to Miz’s chest. Bryan goes back to work on Miz’s arm until he gets him in the corner where he delivers a series of kicks, Bryan then looks to hit the corner dropkick but is backdropped to the apron and then Miz slides under Bryan’s legs and pulls him to the floor. Miz sends Bryan chest first into the barricade and then throws him back into the ring where he tries for a big roundhouse kick but Bryan ducks and dropkicks the knee of The Miz. Miz ducks a running kick from Bryan and we then get a double down as both men try to crossbody each other. At this point, four of Corbin’s henchmen enter the ring and attack both men leading to a double DQ. MIz and Bryan fight off the henchmen. Winner: N/A via Double DQ Match Rating: **½ This was turning into a really good match, but because they wanted to run this stupid show long angle where Corbin was back and forth on whether he wanted to be in the match or not the match had to come to an abrupt end which sucked. If you are one of very few that are enjoying this lovely story of who will become the number one contender then stay tuned because we aren’t done with this story just yet as there is more to come later in the show. We cut to the back where Kayla is interviewing Corbin about what just happened, Corbin says that he refused to compete because Reigns was making SmackDown an unsafe working environment, but now that he knows that Reigns has left the building he is willing to compete. Bryan and Miz show up and beat up more of Corbin’s henchmen before chasing after Corbin as we go to break. When we come back from break we are told by the announcers that the triple threat match is back on for tonight. There are no words to explain how dumb it is that we had to go through all this crap only to end up back where we started, it would’ve been nice if instead of having a match that ends in a double DQ for absolutely no reason we actually had a match that involved people who could benefit from having some time on the show. It is now time for A Moment of Bliss hosted by Alexa Bliss who is joined by her BFF Nikki Cross. Alexa and Nikki toast with their coffees and then Alexa allows Nikki to introduce the guest for the evening, which is the “Sassy Southern Belle” Lacey Evans. We are shown footage of what happened last week between Lacey and Sasha. Lacey says that Sasha crossed a line last week when she messed with her daughter, Lacey said one Sasha did that she entered Mama Bear mode and there is nothing she wouldn’t do to protect her baby cub and furthermore had she not been pulled off Sasha last week there was a good chance that Sasha wouldn’t have been able to walk out on her own. Lacey says she knows how these talk shows end and she doesn’t want to be hit from behind so she is going to the ring for her tag match that is coming up next. Lacey enters the ring but when Dana’s music hits nobody comes out for a few seconds before we see that Bayley and Sasha have Dana and are dragging her out by her hair, this leads to Lacey coming to help Dana as a brawl breaks out on the stage as we go to commercial.

Match #4: Lacey Evans & Dana Brooke vs Bayley & Sasha Banks We come back from the commercial right as the bell rings and Lacey goes straight for Sasha who is on the apron but Bayley attacks her from behind. Bayley beats down Lacey and sends her into the corner, but Lacey comes out of the corner with a clothesline and then tags in Dana. Dana hits the handspring elbow and then hits a cartwheel splash for a 2 count. Dana fires away with punches to Bayley only to be driven back into the corner where Sasha gets tagged in. Sasha stomps a mudhole in Dana and then delivers a series of shoulder attacks in the corner. Sasha sets Dana up on the top but Dana is able to fight back and hits a tornado style suplex out of the corner for 2. Sasha ducks a clothesline and slams Dana to the mat by her hair. Sasha walks over and slaps Lacey which fires her up and she gets into the ring which allows Sasha and Bayley to double team Dana in the corner while the referee tries to get Lacey to go back on the apron. Sasha and Bayley crisscross the arms of Dana and slam her back into the corner and this gets a 2 count. Dana fights her way out of a chin lock and then tries to make a tag, but is taken down with a clothesline from Bayley. Sasha tags in and hits a Meteora on Dana that gets 2 count. Dana finally makes a comeback as she knocks Bayley off the apron and then hits Sasha with an enziguri. Dana finally makes the hot tag as Sasha makes the tag on her end as well, Lacey. Lacey hits a couple of clotheslines and a swinging neckbreaker on Bayley. Lacey then takes Sasha down on the outside with a baseball slide. Lacey sweeps the leg of Bayley and then hits her with the slingshot elbow drop. Lacey hits a rope-assisted bronco buster followed by a moonsault, but that only gets a 2 count when Sasha breaks the pin. Lacey chases Sasha around the ring and when Lacey comes back into the ring she is caught by Bayley who hits her with a Bayley to belly suplex for a 2 count as this time Dana breaks up the pin. Sasha sends Dana out of the ring, Bayley and Sasha attempt a double suplex on Lacey but she lands on her feet which allows Dana to make a blind tag. Lacey hits Bayley with the Woman’s Right only to be thrown shoulder first into the ring post by Sasha. Dana runs in and tries for a school-girl but Sasha turns it into a Bank Statement which leads Dana no choice but to tap out. Winners: Sasha Banks & Bayley via Submission Match Rating: **¼ I wonder if I would have gotten on the Lacey Evans bandwagon a lot sooner if they had made her a babyface from the start because I am loving everything about her now. I thought the promo she cut during A Moment of Bliss was really good as the material was based on a subject in which everyone can relate to as either you’re a parent of a child you want to protect at all costs or you don’t have kids but know that your parents would’ve done everything in their being to make sure you were safe. I also liked that Lacey was smart enough to realize how talk show segments in WWE end and she wasn’t going to be the dumb babyface that let herself get attacked from behind. The match was good as well but nothing to really note about it. We cut to the back where Mandy is tasting the cake’s frosting when Dolph Ziggler walks up and starts flirting with Mandy. Ziggler thanks the cake is for him but Mandy tells him that Otis’s mom made it and Otis gave it to her, this leads to Ziggler telling her that Otis gives these to everyone in the locker room and that he heard that they have been known to have roaches in them. Ziggler sets the cake on the ground and smashes it and tells her that a guy like Otis wouldn’t know what a woman like Mandy really wants. Corbin runs up and says that he wants Ziggler’s help and then Ziggler walks off as Mandy looks at the cake that just got smashed. We get a promo from Mustafa Ali where he talks about how he didn’t have the best 2019, but he still chooses to stand in the light and in 2020 he is going to continue to fight for change as he looks to win gold. It would’ve been nice if we could’ve got an actual match tonight featuring Ali as that would’ve been much better than the story of the number one contender. We go backstage where Otis walks up and sees the cake smashed all in the floor, Otis, picks up the plate and sadly looks at it. This story with Mandy and Otis is probably my second favorite thing happening on SmackDown right now (behind the women’s title picture) and I think the reason for that is because I see myself in Otis. The segment tonight with Ziggler smashing the cake and then Otis finding it and thinking that Mandy was the one that smashed it really made me want to see Otis get his hands on Ziggler. I now look forward to seeing how the story between Mandy and Otis progresses each week and while I may be doing other things while SmackDown is on I will be sure to stop and pay attention to these segments. It’s finally time for the main event that was off and on the entire night. We go straight to the match as all three men are already in the ring. Match #5: The Miz vs Daniel Bryan vs King Corbin (WWE Universal Championship #1 Contender Match) Miz and Bryan team up on Corbin as they lean him against the ropes and lay into him with chops and kicks and then send him into the ropes but Corbin slides out of the ring. Miz tries to get a quick win with a schoolboy but Bryan kicks out. Miz and Bryan then start arguing and shoving each other. Miz and Bryan trade punches until Miz sends Bryan into the corner where Bryan flips over Miz and then runs off the ropes and dives to the outside where he hits Corbin with a tope suicida. Miz tries to hit Bryan with a wrecking ball dropkick, but Bryan sidesteps him and sends Miz into the ring post. Bryan comes off the apron with a diving knee attack that sends Miz into the barricade and then Corbin sends Bryan over the barricade and into the timekeeper section. Corbin sends Miz into the barricade and then rolls him back into the ring where he levels Miz with a forearm. Miz tries to make a comeback but it is short-lived as Corbin sends him shoulder-first into the ring post. Corbin slides out of the ring and lays Bryan out with a clothesline and then hits Miz with the chokeslam backbreaker. Corbin throws Bryan back into the ring and mocks the Yes! Chant. Bryan tries to make a comeback but is taken down again with a back elbow. Corbin picks Bryan up and goes for a back suplex but Bryan lands on his feet and then boots a charging Corbin in the face and then Miz hits Corbin with his backbreaker and neckbreaker combo move. Bryan hits Corbin with several kicks in the corner and then hits Corbin with the corner dropkick with Miz right behind him hitting Corbin with the corner clothesline. They try this again and Corbin backdrops Bryan to the apron and then hits Miz with the Deep Six. Bryan comes off the top with a missile dropkick and now all three men are down as we go to commercial. We come back from commercial and see Bryan and Miz exchanging pinfall attempts before they just start firing away at each other with punches. Miz hits an incoming Corbin with a big boot and then both Miz and Bryan are able to avoid kicks to each other and then Miz hits the kneeling snap DDT. Miz fights Corbin off with some kicks and then ties his leg up in the corner and starts kicking Corbin in the hamstring. Miz locks Corbin in the figure-four when Bryan comes off the top with a diving headbutt and then pins Corbin while he is still in the figure-four but he is able to get his shoulders up. Bryan rolls Corbin over to lock in the Yes Lock and this causes the pressure to be reversed in Miz’s figure-four. Miz finally frees himself and breaks up the Yes Lock and all three men are down. Miz and Bryan exchange chops momentarily and then Miz fires up and starts punching Bryan sending him out of the ring and then turns around and starts doing the same to Corbin. Miz tries for the Skull Crushing Finale but Corbin throws him off and hits Miz with the End of Days which leads to Bryan breaking up a pinfall attempt. Corbin grabs Bryan by the throat and throws him into the corner and then Corbin tries to hit Bryan with End of Days, but Bryan flips out of it and hits Corbin with the running knee. As Bryan crawls over to make the cover he is hit with a superkick by an interfering Dolph Ziggler. Ziggler rolls Corbin on top of Bryan but he only gets a 2 count as Roman Reigns pulls Corbin out of the ring. Reigns sends Corbin into the ring post and then hits a Superman Punch on Ziggler. Reigns clotheslines Corbin over the barricade as we go to commercial. As we come back from break Miz has Bryan in the corner working over his leg and then Miz hits Bryan with the corner clothesline. Miz goes up top but Bryan cuts him off and hits Miz with a spider style superplex, Bryan pulls himself back up to the top but gets crotched by Miz. Miz goes back up top with Bryan and hits a sweet looking shin breaker off the top rope. Bryan is writhing around in pain but won’t quit. Miz hits the It Kicks on Bryan, but when he goes for the big roundhouse kick Bryan catches his leg and slaps Miz in the face which sends Miz crumbling to his knees which allows Bryan to hit the Yes! Kicks although at this point his leg is shot, this time Miz catches Bryan’s leg and hits a legbreaker across his knees. Miz picks Bryan up by the leg and slams his leg down to the mat and then hits a DDT on Bryan’s leg.

Miz sets Bryan up for the figure-four but Bryan kicks him off and sends Miz out to the apron. Miz springboards with an attempted ax handle but Bryan catches him in the Danielson special. Miz rolls toward Bryan to try and break the armbar, but Bryan tries transitioning into the Yes! Lock, but Miz keeps blocking him and then bites the hand of Bryan. Miz rolls back trying to get a pinfall on Bryan, but Bryan kicks out and then finally connects with the roundhouse kick. Bryan slaps the knee to get some feeling into it and then with the entire crowd behind him Bryan goes for the running knee, but Miz avoids it and hits the Skull Crushing Finale and then he goes for a pin where he still has hold of Bryan’s leg so that if Bryan kicks out he can easily transition into the figure-four and that is exactly what happened. Bryan tries to pull apart Miz’s legs to break the hold but this leads to Miz and Bryan trading shots and this leads to the hold eventually being broken and Bryan takes this opportunity to lock Miz in the Rings of Saturn, but Miz won’t quit so Bryan smoothly transitions into the Yes Lock which is finally enough to get Miz to tap out. Winner: Daniel Bryan via Submission Match Rating: ****

After the match, Wyatt shows up on the tron and congratulates Bryan and says that they are gonna have so much fun. Wyatt asks Bryan if he is willing to do whatever it takes to let him in. The show ends with Bryan and the crowd loudly chanting Yes! Yes! Yes!

I don’t know why we had to go through all the unnecessary convoluted bull shit throughout the show involving this match that ended up doing nothing to help anybody in it, but once we finally got to the match I absolutely loved it. Corbin did a really good job in the match as the asshole heel that you love to see the babyfaces double team. I will say that Roman Reigns got a nice pop when he finally showed up to take out Corbin and Ziggler to the point where I don’t think fans would be as upset if Reigns won the title at Mania next year, WWE has done a good job since Reigns’s return of making sure he is featured on the show, but at the same time, they are not treating him like he is the second coming of Christ.

As good as the match was as a triple threat it reached a whole new level once it was just Bryan and Miz. I think this was Miz’s best in-ring performance of the year and it may be the best match Miz and Bryan have had against each other. I thought Miz did a great job of working over the leg of Bryan especially when he hit that top rope shin breaker which I’m not sure if I’ve ever seen before. On the flipside, Bryan did a good job of selling the injured leg, especially when it came to hitting the Yes Kicks. I don’t know if this is the story they were trying to tell for one part of this match but here is what I got from it, so back before Miz had respect for Bryan he would’ve pinned Bryan like he would anyone else after hitting the Skull Crushing Finale, however now that he has respect for Bryan he is able to realize that Bryan is a tough mofo and he may very well kick out of the SKF, so he pinned him in a way where he still had control of the hurt leg and could easily and quickly transition into the figure-four. I thought that was a nice bit of storytelling, whether it was intentional or not. I have absolutely no complaints about this main event. I’m interested to see how this revived American Dragon version of Daniel Bryan does against The Fiend, however, I don’t look forward to watching the match under the red light of death. If you take out the convoluted episode long story that was completely unnecessary, I think this was a really good episode of SmackDown as we had Lacey shining in a promo during A Moment of Bliss, the continuation of the Otis and Mandy story, a better than expected Mandy vs Carmella match, and it was capped off with a fantastic main event match, had they used the time they took on the unneeded main event story and put it on having another match featuring someone like Ali then this would be a perfect show in my eyes, but it’s WWE and very rarely do you get perfect shows so you just have to take a cup half full approach to it and be happy that we got a show that was as good as tonight’s show. That’s all for this week but I’ll be back next week for the first SmackDown episode of the 2020s.

#IFTTT #Place to Be Nation

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