#I genuinely don’t know what to do

[againstme]

i’m losing my housing tomorrow morning.

i’ll try to keep this short. shelters are full, i have no options here, and i won’t be able to keep my job past tomorrow because i won’t have a place to sleep or go. i’m black, trans, mentally ill, and disabled. things are not looking good.

i’m having to decide between getting food to eat or a flight out of here and back to california or .. wherever i can go. i have no ebt and i only get 20 dollars on the 7th of september.

if anyone wants to help i’ll have payment things linked:

paypal.me/chxseallen

vnmo chaseallxn

cashapp $chxseallen

[foreverdolly]

this is a self pitying post and i’ll probably delete it later- but when i’m sad i tend to write it out. i’ve used this blog like a diary of sorts for the last two and a half years. i’ve developed a relationship with a lot of you on here and i appreciate all the love i’ve received so far on my last post. my friends that i have in real life, no matter how long i’ve known them, don’t know too much about my upbringing or my parents. i hate the idea of trauma dumping- it’s uncomfortable for other people: so don’t read this if you don’t want to. i wouldn’t blame you.

my dad died from cirrhosis due to alcoholism. he died miserable and alone. he had no friends. his family was sick of him. i tried to call him as often as i could but sometimes he could be mean if he was drunk. i knew not to call him after 11:00 in the afternoon because he would start to drink. he lived in his youngest brother’s basement and almost never came upstairs because he was embarrassed. i haven’t seen him in three years because he lives fourteen hours from me, but i tried my hardest to call him every week and keep him involved in my life. he never saw any of my homes, never met any of my friends, and never even saw me drive a car (i’ve been licensed since i was eighteen). i cried to him almost every week, begging him to get sober.

he never recovered from my parent’s divorce, and for that i feel so sorry. he called my mother his soulmate and always spoke in past tense- talking about when me and my brother were little. he would tear up when talking about the first time he ever saw me in the hospital after my mother gave birth, and he was vocal about the fact that i was his favorite. we shared a lot of the the same interests and always had fun when talking.

when my mom made a suicide attempt two years ago he was there for me almost everyday, calling me despite the demons he was battling with himself.

the last time i spoke to him was thursday- a week from the day he died. he told me that he almost called a treatment facility but he got tired and took a nap instead. his doctors appointment was today at one and he was going to ask to be admitted and then go to a rehab facility. i told him i’d send him money while he was in there- he hasn’t been able to hold a job since i was still in high school.

my dad was a chef. a damn good cook- classically trained in french cooking. he had the loudest laugh i’ve ever heard, so much so that it used to make me cry when i was a baby. we used to wear matching costumes and he’d sign me out from school on halloween and call me out the day after. he took me to my first concert, but he couldn’t afford both the gas and the tickets (so i paid for the gas with my pocket change at the age of thirteen). he wore adidas strictly- shell toe was his favorite.

when i was little my dad was on night duty while my mom was away: tucking us in, reading us books. he refused to read to me and walked out the door but not before saying “bed bugs and stuff”. i thought it was so funny. it became our saying. every night we spent with each other we said “bed bugs and stuff”. so that was my last send off to him. i hope he’s finally resting well and isn’t depressed, ashamed or lonely anymore where he is.

he died in his sleep. they found a solo cup filled with vodka next to his bed and i can’t stop thinking about the fact that he was going to get help today. he was yellow due to jaundice. what a cruel world.

[starrbee]

ok question for Nexo knights fanartists.

When out of armor what era of clothing do you put the knights in?

[graciebaberams]

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[spideywhites]

irl work environment is growing overwhelmingly toxic.. wish it was easier to make money as a writer so I could drop that job and focus full time on my novel 😭

[lysspossum]

I don’t know what’s going on in my body, but oh boy I am SO sad today

Sad about all the opportunities I’ve missed, sad about all the friendships I’ve lost, sad about all the things I want to do but struggle to much to accomplish. Sad about how much progress is halted by my general inability to function in this world.

[nothing-but-void-and-blood]

Hey if I was to get temporary access of my school email account back who would I contact? I need to transfer my discord account over to the one I currently use, but I don’t know if I should shoot an email to one of the administrative staff or the principal or whomever…?

[nope-body]

.

[filmcel]

what to eat when everything sounds disgusting

[talizorahnarrayya]

We are constantly told that we need to be happy on our own. Happy from within. Happy from the things we do in our lives. and I am and I can be. But that happiness that I feel from loving him and being loved by him burns brighter and hotter than any other happiness I’ve ever felt. It’s incomparable. It’s unmatchable. How do I go on without it?

[nah-id-eat-dungeon-food]

I actually dont think I have slept properly for over two weeks. All sounds are louder than they should be. I am relying on medication to fall asleep. I go on walks and try to stay off my phone but it’s so fucking bad now. I swear to god I’ve seen shit on multiple occasions and I have school coming up.

[rosaaeles]

the sun has gone away and it’s been raining and grey for days now and im honestly starting to feel so heavy :’( i try to do stuff in the day but i feel like im just wasting my summer because it’s so gloomy outside and i don’t want to go anywhere in this weather

[anarchypumpkincowboy]

Incoming rant

So like I burned the shit out of my arm on Tuesday and it’s just been getting worse. I’m starting to think I might should go see a doctor cause it’s a deep second degree burn, and it’s really really hurting and swollen and looks really bad compared to how it did a few days ago

But,

I don’t have insurance. And I’m already needing to go to a dentist soon and get at least 4 fillings. And while it’s not like a super priority for me rn my eyes have gotten worse to where my glasses are giving me headaches and have stopped helping with my double vision. And I gotta take my cat to the vet cause she’s been losing hair on her stomach. And I also gotta make an appt to get my seizure meds refilled cause I’ve only got 2 left

I’m gonna cry like I’ve not been able to work since May of 2022 cause of seizures and I have all this shit piling up that I can’t afford and then cause my mom got a better job we got kicked off of blue care and I just can’t afford this shit but my arm hurts so fucking bad

[bewaitingbelow]

my period cramps have been so so so bad lately and every women’s health appointment in my town is booked and my doctor is now telling me to go to the er for treatment and i just

[autism-alley]

do i have… Opinions abt the pjo show?? maybe. in private amongst close confidants, i might. but publicly?? as a fan who wants all 5 seasons?? incredible. five shiny stars! the best show i’ve ever fucking seen im showing it 2 everyone i know

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt 301

Ellie, during one of her stints of what do I do with my life right now, decides to, with the help of her Original Dad-Person (Look he’s aging and she’s not and it gets less questions the older he gets if he says daughter instead of sister with how the Fentons are getting older too) creates a Boo-Tube channel. No, not a Youtube channel, those are stuck to a single dimension.

Bootube on the other hand? Due to being through the Realms (and wow is Tucker getting so much income from creating it) is interdimensional. Which is so cool honestly. And she doesn’t know what to do at first, and honestly there’s already so many travel blogs that she kind of just… decided to do something that she wished someone had done for her and her brothers and Danny when she was new to the world. 

So she creates the channel CAAW: Clone Awareness, Accommodations, and Welfare. They had to learn things through trial and error, but maybe she can help someone out there learn how to find their own selves, or even help someone not melt.