#I got fictional characters to be rotating in my brain I don’t have time to think about what fuckin tu/bbos favorite color is or whatever

[the-letterbox-archives]

file (0)0-53-000: writer questionnaire

thank you @the-golden-comet for the tag! this one's a writer questionnaire, super fun to do as well :)

how long have you had your writing tumblr/writeblr? a fast and loose estimate is fine!

coming up on two months now!

what led you to create it?

i wanted a place to share stories that i felt wouldn’t become novels, and i just wanted to share my stuff regardless.

what’s your favourite thing about the writeblr community?

how nice everyone is, and how fun the discussions are! i love talking about my characters/wips, and i love hearing about my mutuals wips as well! it’s just a great place to do everything writing-related!

what’s one thing you’d like your mutuals to know about you?

PLEASE talk to me i love being talked to, love sharing about my stories, and i’m a pretty good listener so it doesn’t have to be one-sided either. either way, love having those conversations!

is there anything you’d like to see more of on your dash?

admittedly i don’t browse my dash often, but what i do see is great! writing, positivity, some memes and fandom content, wouldn’t wish for anything different.

which wips or writing projects are you noodling about, lately?

i’ve actually been considering a brand new story to the archives, but from my released content i have to say sunny (school rules) is rotating in my mind right now, as well as the dumaresq kids (the dumaresq poems)! of course, all of my wips are always rattling around in my brain all the time.

how long have you been working on them?

all the stories have been released at stagnated times, i think the first was the prologue of tales from a dying heart and prologue of the rockdove promise, about 2 months ago, and the most recent is the dumaresq poems, the first edition (set of 5) released a couple days ago.

do you remember what inspired them/what got you started?

inspiration comes from anywhere for me, i just tend to get an idea, write it without thinking, then plan it from there. hindsight is 20/20, but it tends to go ignored for me haha

how much time, in your best estimation, do you spend thinking about them?

all the time. there is never a moment one story or another is not in my brain.

when someone asks the dreaded, “what do you write about,” question, what do you usually say?

that’s tough, because i don’t exactly stick to genres; but i guess i would say i write speculative fiction, with themes of family, purpose, and society, to put it very generally.

name any characters you created. side characters, protagonists, antagonists, characters who’ve never been written, the first original abomination you ever pulled from your ass; whomever you’d like!

i’m gonna stick to characters that have been featured/mentioned in the archives, to keep this list somewhat short;

(tales from a dying heart) lady, sweetheart, crow, winter, pyre, dancer, rook, vex, chalice, hunter, hornet, dove, maestro, muse, opal, aegis, mouse, seeker,

(the rockdove promise) laszlo kriska, danareth, yaromyr kriska, knox penderghast, ezune penderghast, andrei,

(insincere.) ven, sissy, sinon,

(on kingston alley) faye o’callahan, daphne kanelos, missy o’callahan, crayton “old man” bell, arthur blackwood, eleanor blackwood, beau blackwood, gwen blackwood,

(school rules) sunny finch, darcy spencer, johnnie rhodes, angel salvatore, viola alderman, sasha dmitriev, eloise dolores, katherine “kath” fairchild, marion lorraine, imogen parker-blanche,

(dulcinea is dead) sasha beatrix, dulcinea beatrix,

(the dumaresq poems) alistair dumaresq, willow dumaresq, eira dumaresq, austine dumaresq, theophania dumaresq.

who’s the most unhinged?

i think they all are, at least a bit.

… but the answer’s faye.

who comes the most naturally for you to write?

sunny. that evil creature has infected my brain. it doesn’t help we have a very similar sense of humour.

do you ever cringe at them?

i don’t think i cringe at any of them. sure, sometimes the events of the story or their actions upset/annoy/disappoint me, but that’s for the sake of the narrative, and i don’t find that cringe-worthy.

how much control do you feel you have over your characters? do they ever “write themselves,” refuse to cooperate, or do things you didn’t expect? to what degree? are some less cooperative than others?

it depends, i take parts of myself for each aspect of myself for characters, so when those parts of the given character shine through, it’s much easier to write, and much easier for them to ‘write themselves.’ however, my writing style usually feels like the characters writing themselves regardless. so yeah, stuff can get off the rails in that way, but i wouldn't call that disobedience or uncooperativeness on the character's part.

do you enjoy people asking questions about your characters? and do you have a preferred means of receiving said questions? for example, as asks, as replies, as reblogs, as tag notes, as comments on ao3, etc.

YES GIVE ME ANY QUESTION ANYWHERE THEY ARE MY LIFEBLOOD IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY (pardon my rabid dog mentality here, i am very passionate)

what makes you want to follow another writeblr account? do you follow ‘em as you see ‘em, or take time scoping out the blog to make sure you align with its content? do you follow based on wips, or vibes?

when the archives first opened, i followed anyone who liked any of my posts. nowadays, i’m a bit more stingy because sometimes being involved in such a big circle (120 mutuals strong now, i think) can be overwhelming. but generally, i check out blogs that have interacted with my posts or are often tagged in my mutuals stuff, and decide to follow based on that (factors within the blog are usually what wips they do, if they participate in tag games or chat about their characters/wips, and vibes). i also proudly follow-back anyone who follows me.

what makes you decide against following?

people who discriminate/are hateful to minorities/etc., certain political ideologies, and factors like that. i don’t want to judge, but i tend to get weary due to experiences with hate speech and other discriminatory things in my real life. and human rights aren’t up for negotiation, people don’t deserve hatred because of a fundamental part of them, like nationality / gender / sexuality / age / poverty / neurodiversity / etc. i’m a queer, neurodiverse(coded), youth, and that plus my general demeanour can attract the wrong crowd. luckily that hasn’t happened on writeblr.

do you interact with non-mutuals often?

not really, but that isn’t on purpose. i tend to get distracted with archival work, so i don’t check things i’m not tagged in or otherwise privy of, which really is a shame, i should interact with more of writeblr.

do your mutuals’ characters occupy space in your noodle?

yes, sammy. @ominous-feychild knows that bastard is too squishable for my psyche to handle.

tagging @introchasingstars, @honeybewrites, @paeliae-occasionally,

@noxxytocin, @moltenwrites, @tc-doherty, @the-ellia-west, @theverumproject,

@thecrazyalchemist, @laylathewordwitch, @dragonedged-if, @leitereads, @autism-purgatory,

@gioiaalbanoart, @drchenquill, @fenmere, @leahnardo-da-veggie, @melpomene-grey,

@yourpenpaldee, @corinneglass, @agirlandherquill, @willtheweaver, @nczaversnick,

@davycoquette, @glassfrogforest, @princeofhags, @wyked-ao3, @fantasy-things-and-such, + open tag!

[ofmermaidstories]

1. No, self-insert for me tends to indicate an oc, or an otherwise named protagonist, while xreader is the reader, and will be referred to in the 2nd person

2. I don’t really think it’s polite to criticize a fic directly to the author unless they request it. If it is like, a tumblr post, I would generally say it would also be kind of rude, but also, if it is one of those fics that is super popular/well-known in the fandom, I think it would be fair to be like “I don’t really like X fic bc of Y reason” and leave it at that. But personally i’d probably just say it wasn’t really the vibe i was looking for or something more neutral. In general if you don’t like a fic tho, you should keep it to yourself

3. I never finish WIPs and the main point they tend to get abandoned at is when I get bored or have to make the connection between two cooler parts. I have v bad adhd. Usually i just like to take ideas and rotate them around in my brain for a few weeks. They rarely make it beyond there lol

omg i was talking about this the other day, with some friends, like—what does an x reader need in order to be rightfully counted as one? and for me it’s a reader-insert when there’s no like, legal name attached to the character—and there’s second-person POV. i think the 2nd-person POV is crucial for the… intimacy you need, to insert on. butttt maybe that’s a discussion for another time, lmao.

this is a little bit of a repeat of what i said to anon before, but like—i think the biggest problem with trying to critique a fanfic (unasked) is that… do you as the critiquer know the difference between recognising opportunity to strengthen a piece, vs. it just not being for you? like sometimes yeah, you just have to accept you’re not apart of the audience. my interest in the Big Fics, though, like the cornerstone, defining fics, is when they’re written in a way that makes them almost comparable to like, proper stand-alone stories? I think if they’re trying to be more ambitious than say, a smut one shot where you go in already knowing the setting and the characters and they know each other, then you kinda already have to look at it with a different lens? 🧐 Not to keep using H**** P***** as an example but All the Young Dudes is so incredibly popular that if i had read the fic (i only know about it bc its so popular lmao) I absolutely would feel comfortable enough dissecting it like I would commercial fiction—between the piece itself sort of treating itself like a book, I do think the popularity is almost a shield, LOL. Like… at that stage, you’re no longer punching down, you know? Whereas if I was to pick a random fic that got like, 80 kudos over five chapters, and its writer had a following of like, idk, 200 people, then that would be. and we don’t punch down!!!! we only punch up, bc then they give us a worthy fight. 👊🏽😈✌🏽 (im… half joking LMAO)

honestly tho, the hardest part of writing is like—writing. 😭 doing all the fiddly parts!! chipping away at it even when it’s boring, because you like—have to build up the connection to the fun part. 💀 it’s almost exhausting sometimes, actually… so i relate. 🥺 do you have any ideas you really, really desperately want to see on paper (on screen)? because for me the main driving force is literally just the promise of eventually—eventually—getting the satisfaction of being able to see it done and completed. like… literally, sometimes it’s the only thing that motivates me enough to work through what sometimes feels like stripping skin off of my back LOL.

[daisychainsandbowties]

Ooh an ask game! Then, I want to know #1 and #7, we'll throw in #20 so we get a pretty gif, also #2 is a pair so we can't leave that out. And finally, am curious on #17 and #6 to really get expansive words. ^^ Tell us all the juicy pretty Dragon Age things you're rolling about~

thank you so much for asking me these 🥺

1. What was the first dragon age game you played?

i got origins for my ps3 way back in high school. the first time i played it i remember i started as a mage and spammed walking bomb and spent twenty minutes on the first darkspawn boss because he killed everyone and it was just me running in circles occasionally casting a spell on him. very reminiscent of the Arishok fight🫠🫠 i tried very hard to romance Morrigan but i kept making her hate me instead😭 so i went with leliana, HOWEVER my weird eventually friends thing with morrigan inspired the ot3 ship that still haunts me to this day (warden/morrigan/leliana is 🥰🙏😳❤️🥹)

2. Which dragon age game is your favourite so far?

that’s an incredibly difficult question. i think overall in terms of how it made me feel and how much i like the gameplay loop and the environments it’s definitely Inquisition 🥺 a fic of that game kept me alive for a few really really shaky weeks a few years ago (i told myself sternly that i could only read a chapter a night, so i had to get through all the nights until the end of this 550k fic, and then the ending was the epitome of hopepunk and it made me sort of forget about being shaky). so yeah, definitely Inquisition. but i adore all the games😌. i had a lot of fun with da2 but it isn’t as good for my brain to replay over and over (<- guy who actually loves 100%ing the Hinterlands in every playthrough)

6. Do you have your Rook(s) planned out to any degree? If so, would you share some details or ideas you have?

ít’s really hard for me to rotate things in abstract like that. i know there’s lots of information but i don’t want to read it or know it before i play the game. i will most likely play as a mage? unless they make that unpleasant somehow 🥺 (i hope not) but beyond that i can’t make myself interested in planning out a character who doesn’t live anywhere (yet). it’s the same with my own fiction writing. i have to understand the world a little before i can create any characters of any substance. i’m really excited to do my first playthrough though! i know that whoever my Rook is, they will love the griffin baby 🥰

7. Which character from the previous games or other media are you most hoping will make an appearance in DAV?

it would be extremely good to see Fenris again, or Merrill. i don’t really trust Bioware with Anders, so i hope he stays with whatever peace he found after kirkwall. i liked seeing morrigan and leliana again so some da2 characters would be neat! oh!!!! isabela would make sense in this because ship captain 😳 i would love to see her again 🥺

17. Are you interested in all the lore and speculation or do you focus more on the games and stories themselves?

oh i LOVE the dragon age lore. i recently got the dragon age TTRPG core book mostly because it has so much lore in it 😳 i find dragon age lore especially compelling, particularly the grey wardens and the blight and how magic and the veil works. my favourite fics are always the lore heavy ones that engage with the themes dragon age tries (and sometimes manages) to engage with.

the speculation is also fun because dragon age fans adore pain and misery and usually conjure up the worst possible way things could go. and that’s great 🥰

20. Post a picture or gif that conveys your current level of excitement for Dragon Age: The Veilguard!

[gilliebee]

nine (9) people you'd like to know better

I got tagged by the wonderful @five4boarding and tumblr never gives me a little +1 notification icon when I get tagged in anything (like any other type of note would, so I don’t get it!!), so I live in fear that I’m always gonna miss these BUT I caught this one at least 👉😎👉

Last song: during my morning walk I randomly remembered the catchiest depression bop and then remembered the first time I looked up the guy's wiki and saw that he played hockey and I was like you're telling me a knife-footed ice-gremlin sang this???? (swiss juniors but still high level for his age bracket I think?) Anyway... Tomorrow May Not Be Better (specifically this version https://open.spotify.com/track/0V1quXmlVC6eH5kcfYPWEW ) by Bastian Baker still slaps to this very day 😌👌

Currently watching: My longstanding guilty pleasure is docs/commentary videos about any and all scams, particularly mlms/pyramid schemes. So it should come as no surprise that my brand new guilty pleasure is debt confessions/financial audits on youtube 🙈 I've been been watching a few by caleb hammer whose gimmick is that he gordon ramsey style shames people who come in with their financial records and he's like hey. why do you have $120,000 in consumer debt? why did you finance an ipad for your literal infant child?? why have you spent 30 dollars multiple times a day every day at dunkin for the last 3 months??? (the last one is an exaggeration but the first two I have seen LOL). His thumbnails are wretched I hate them so, so much, and his advice of living spartan-like for a few years to dig yourself out of the hole is ehhh maybe good in theory but generally not exactly...practical. And I think going cold turkey when you're used to constant impulse buying is basically a recipe for just eventually losing control and going on a bender. But. I'm nosy and love hearing about how people be spending their money so that's the best part of the videos for me lol

Currently reading: haven't picked up something new yet BUT I juuuust finished An Unauthorised Fan Treatise which was SO GOOD I literally slammed it nonstop for two days until I finished it. It's formatted like a rpf conspiracy theory livejournal where a fangirl of a supernatural-drama show compiles evidence that the two lead actors are secretly dating. BUT it's noted that the livejournal has been submitted as evidence into for a murder trial so y'know TWISTS AND TURNS lol. There's just something about the format that really compels me, idk I already love reading primers and conspiracies for hrpf couples that I literally have zero investment in and never will- I just enjoy the way the girlies spin a good narrative. (and also watching video essays about the uhhh less casual to super trainwreck ones like the whole larry fiasco even though I never got into 1D, as well as general fandom fiascos like msscribe and snapewives etc etc IT'S ALL SO FASCINATING TO ME 🍿👀) So it was a really natural fit for me to read in a fictional setting. And it's free to read! https://gottiewrites.com/2019/10/14/31/

Current obsession: I’m a hobbyist game maker so at all times I am rotating little bits of character development, experimental mechanics, aesthetics, ui design etc etc in my brain but it becomes much more mentally consuming during the off-season bc god knows when bruins hockey is live it is Featured Live 24/7 In My Brain. But for now... my OCs on my mind 😌💭

tagging (if you want to): OH NO I’M SO BASHFUL I NEVER KNOW WHO TO TAG IN THESE 🫣🫣🫣 uh uh uhh maybe @ghostgeno @alavenderleaf @tylerbertuzzi @reavenedges-lies @krugstrash if y’all are so inclined?? but also no pressure no pressure again I’m just NOSY hehe

[mangoisms]

hiiii it’s dc anon <33 oh lord icb u also like the grishaverse like at this point i feel like we have the same brain (which would actually be amazing cuz ur like an amazing writer i want an ounce of ur talent) also !!!! absolutely adore how ck is going i can’t wait to see how steph beats tim up so he can finally stop being the way he is (which probably will never happen because he’s … well … u know …. tim but still). and wait omg before i forget, i loved what u did with jason like idc that he was there for such a small amount of time hes my favorite batfam character and i’m so tired of people completely missing the point of his character (and fuck dc for what they did to him !!!!) thank u so much for doing him justice and taking him away from the vigilante / violent lifestyle, my guy deserves a break.

i feel like this is already insanely long but i saw ur posts abt project hail mary (i hope i didn’t get the name wrong). i thought it sounded pretty interesting and considering that we might as well have the same tastes i was wondering if u could possibly drop some books / book series recs ??? i’m so sorry if this is annoying but i’ve been in a reading slump since the beginning of the month 😭

anyway !!! i know i say this in every single ask i send but u really are amazing pls take care and good luck with the new semester i know ur gonna do amazing, just remember to take it one day at a time <3

HI DC ANON <333 YOU TOO? omg… our minds… that is such a cool coincidence!!!! honestly so happy about it, like daiya. dc. grishaverse. omg. so cool!!! we’re basically bffs now <3 (also this is very long so under the cut <3)

WLDMEKDKEK yeah… yeah… tim is certainly… tim…. but no worries at least here he will Face The Consequences Of His Own Actions. if there’s anything i like to do with him, it’s That. so without saying too much. He will certainly be getting a dressing down from Some People….

OMG? OF COURSE i love jason so much he rotates in my brain just as much as tim (a lot more now that i’m shifting away from tim actually, jason and someone else i shall not name yet…) like he was what drew me into dc in the first place, he will always have a special place in my heart.. and there is just SO MUCH potential for his character and dc will never cash in on it. instead they give him crowbars as a weapon and use him as a prop for bruce and it’s just. UGH.

civilian nurse!jason is in my brain constantly. so much so that i’ve thought about doing something for him. i don’t like to mention fic ideas until they’ve been posted/started writing (that way i know they’re actually feasible!) but for u beloved dc anon i will happily make an exception… so one idea that rotates in my brain a lot is that. civilian nurse!jason i mean, it doesn’t take place in gotham but somewhere else, maybe something like a small town. he’s in pediatrics and something something lonely/unsure what to do now. fulfilled by his job but still missing a social aspect and YEAH. yeah. something about hope something about humanity i’m not sure. like i said it’s a super rough idea that i’d like to do but not sure if i ever will but. for you <3

don’t worry about the length i absolutely do not mind!!! i love talking to you <33 and you aren’t annoying at all!!! i’ve got some recs!!! and you are right hehe it’s project hail mary by andy weir!!! it is SUCH an excellent book, i highly HIGHLY recommend it!!! the martian by him is also pretty good (not as good as project hail mary and with a bit more math too but still understandable!).

for recs… let’s see! i’m not too into fiction these days actually, i lean more into nonfiction and honestly i haven’t read as much as i’d like to (i’m also in a reading slump but project hail mary got me going!) so let’s see

ones i have read and recommend and sorted into categories:

fiction

project hail mary by andy weir

the martian by andy weir

an orestia translated by anne carson

frankenstein by mary shelley (i feel basic for this one but it’s timeless it’s so good even if you had to read it for high school… picking it up on your own and reading it it is excellent)

nonfiction

the body keeps the score by bessel van der kolk (personal favorite and also Very appealing to the psych major part of me so that might skew it)

the art of loving by erich fromme (also a personal favorite)

like streams to the ocean by jedidiah jenkins

poetry

dog songs by mary oliver (i have a collected volume of her poems as well, i think it’s vol 1?)

the carrying by ada limón

currently attempting to read right now (as in i’ve been on it a while…): pride and prejudice by the myth the legend herself jane austen. also currently rereading ruin and rising by leigh bardugo (this and siege and storm went by quickly but again they’re re-reads so much easier)

ones that are on my to-read that i’ve heard great things about:

fiction

if beale street could talk by james baldwin,

sense and sensibility and emma by miss jane austen once again!

nonfiction

all about love by bell hooks

attached by amir levine and rachel heller

i hope this helps!!! and if you happen to have any recs, let me know!!!

this got so very long but i love talking to you so thank you so much for popping in <33 and thank you for your kind words as well <33 i hope you’re doing better and taking care of yourself too!!!! :** <33

[luminous-shifting-vibes]

*sequel* to actual fucking quotes from the shiftblr coffeehouse discord server

once again, it's out of context because x1000 funnier

also x1000 longer than previous post

"ur satan is gnc af"

"Bestie I’m already having gender envy over a fucking demon please"

"O_O ODEPIJHFbavevisdpvfhzdcnjawedsidjksjdkoeirjfmkdsoeirujdksodifjndmksoidfjdksidfj ITS" NOT IN MY FRAFTS IS SPEDNT 1 hour PN THAT SHIT"

"AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

"ohoho sexy"

"I am very proud of myself"

"himbo x edgy fuck"

"YOU COULD SQUISH HES CHEECKS"

"he has teefs"

"SQUASH"

"good for biting 📷"

"he's a himbo basically"

"B͂̒̄iͫ̍̈tͧ̓ͯè̄̇"

"bifth"

"i havent watched blue exorcist in years but mr okumura my beloved </3"

"MY LIFE QUESTIONS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED"

"is it important information to mention that the person i put up for my turn is the son of satan" "I know like 1 thing about everyone who isnt ranboo lmfao"

"crimes"

"tumblr sexyman"

"idk why but my first thought was cowboy onceler"

"I vibe with him but he is very long and twisty"

"steampunk e-girl"

"steampunk tumblr sexyman"

"Canonically bi crimelord I agree!!"

"OOO FRIEND SHAPED"

"ARTIST SIGHTED"

"they look like someone i would want to be friends with but is way cooler than me so i'd never actually talk to them"

"babby..... would die for him"

"honestly i probably kin him"

"i'm sure he's lovely but he looks way too much like my ex i'm sorry-"

"i'd be down for another rotation! i have another twink to show y'all"

"Also :00 blonde friend"

"Let us all infodhmo"

"Hsjagdvbs shhh im on phone"

"Nix woukd you like to joon?

"skitters away"

"I have two braincells and they both drink dumb bitch juice"

"oof wait whats the order again i have 0 memory"

"i want to bond with him over cosplay-"

"Awkwardly watches in band kid"

"One day I'm gonna a broadway star"

"which isnt to say they were bad. they were just fortnite dancing during rehersals"

"I threw it so hard my glasses flew off and slid under the stage right divider"

"anyway heres my boi"

"emo"

"haha emo"

"virgil sanders kinnie"

"he looks like he listens to my chemical panic at the fallout boy"

"Bro I bet he'd kick my ass with his deck"

"bird man my beloved"

"fuck i had so much to say and then i forgot it all"

"Birds!!"

"guiguhuh"

"crabrave"

"She sounds like someone I would end up stealing her personality"

"yess name collector gang"

"alias glass aiden haven absinthe fish brick rice"

"But I have Cypress, Remure, Genesis, Lemres, and Comet"

"And she's named after a mars candy bar bc alien"

"Hey, if plato went by plato, you can be king thief"

"im not dissing my gramma like that shfojd"

"My dad has seven legal names" "bitches be like *looks at fictional character* *steals their name* it's us we're bithces"

"coraline lowkey traumatized me but i adore it regardless"

"mmmmmm magic man :]"

"°0° green man"

"criminal (affectionate)"

"he would shoplift a candy bar from walmart and then brag to all of his friends about the sick stealing he did"

"despite the fact he's canonically been capable of overpowering a minor deity"

"i would commit so many crimes for him"

"Very babey"

"Yes please tell green man he is very pog"

"he also keeps a lot of dumb secrets"

"but I will sorely miss the chaos and energy of this here chat until I wake again" (by request XD)

"i just say words and if they're funny then they're funny"

"* or extremly chaotic either works"

"at this point we are just taking turns rambling"

"oH--"

"bc my brain has a schedule"

"Hopefully they have gyoza there or I will lose my mind"

"hehe yes spooky man"

"my ghost glucose guardian"

"the head of the undead group that lives there, and we end up dating. (yes I date a ghost, no I will not be taking constructive criticism /lh)"

"ghosts r just inherently sexy"

"i mean im becoming a squid thing so"

"Raven quirk raven quirk!!"

"ł â m p"

"łæmp"

"mothman: ooh lamp you look very nice today! do you come here often? mothman: wait shit no"

"I'd date a ghost"

"mine is still accurate, i am still sobbing (/j)"

"p e e p e e"

""@nick wilde is a tumblr sexyman" is the best thing i have ever seen"

"im sorry im cackling like a dying hyena"

"you're all 12 year olds"

"PEENIE"

"He once caused global warming on accident so he could get a tan"

"god, what a himbo. i love him"

"that reminds me of my friends kin assigned me jesus"

"Man outside of battle be like: princely crying but then in battle hes like: "CATACLYSM! DISASTER! DEVASTATION!" Chill out man"

"Every time I talk about satan it never fails to shock people it's my favorite thing to do"

"im kin assigning him roman sanders" ""Oh yeah he caused global warming because he wanted to get girls" "he what""

"oh damn i forgot satan was straight"

"twink appreciation club"

"give us the twinks"

"my first thought was bottom-"

"so many people to try and get his dad to love him"

"daddy issued"

"OH MY GOD ITS WILBUR"

"Big boy but"

"anyways janus is swagggg"

"........................."

"gib twink"

"give twink then i will share"

"holds him gentle like hamburger"

"This dumb bitch opened a book that said "do not open" and got possessed by a little bastard"

"he is. fragile creachur"

"klug is beauty klug is grace i would let him step on my face"

"If I'm playing swap and I have to hear one more "Pwanet Powew" Im gonna lose it"

"Who is to blame? Pandora or the box?"

"Bakugo isnt my type but I respect the drip"

"i say like my type isnt long-haired pretty boys and girls that look so gnc that people have a history of confusing them for men"

"hes a gremlin and i can appreciate a pretty gremlin"

"that is to say i am attracted to VFlower vocaloid. This is a confession."

"note i am a lesbian"

"You may like Schezo wegey"

"why does he have one single expression"

"soul soul eater passes the vibe check"

"magic wand"

"I Want To Hold His Hand"

"i would commit a war crime for him any war crime idc which one"

"my favorite one is when he sounded rlly gay because he said "Muscular bodies keep me satisfied""

"p e a n u t"

"Klug is a homophobic homosexual its just facts"

"grug from the croods is peak male performance"

"jaw drops to floor, eyes pop out of sockets accompanied by trumpets, heart beats out of chest, awooga awooga sound effect, pulls chain on train whistle that has appeared next to head as steam blows out, slams fists on table, rattling any plates, bowls or silverware, whistles loudly, fireworks shoot from top of head, pants loudly as tongue hangs out of mouth, wipes comically large bead of sweat from forehead, clears throat, straightens tie, combs hair Ahem, you look very lovely."

"tag yourself im the fireworks shooting from the top of the head"

"i like essays"

"central time gang"

"11:11 pog-" (wait... is that a suprise angel number?? yes it is lovelies just for you <3)

"Then again im also a dumbass bitch who wonders what the souls in soul eater taste like. SERIOUSLY THOUGH. THEY LOOK TASTY AS HELL!!!! LIKE GODDAMN BRO YOU'RE MAKING ME FUCKING HUNGRY. Like. that shit- it's Bone Apple motherfucking Teeth. hell yea my guy. Im hongy now.... shlorp I'm seriously considering this. Like. They seem kinda like a liquid? But a solid? Are they like jello? The fuck they taste like my guy???? I keep imagining they're like sour, like sour candy maybe? Or do they taste salty? Sweet? Maybe some combo of two? Do they even have a taste or is it about the texture? The sensation? God my mouth is watering what the hell. I am starving. I think I need to go get a cookie. I'm gonna go get a cookie. Brb. I'm better. I'm still craving souls though. Which is a weird-ass cringey thing to say but I'm being dead-ass rn. They just.... look tasty???? And I wanna eat one. Thus. I am shifting to Soul Eater for the express purpose of satisfying my fucking cravings. enjoy"

"points were made"

"jello? more like helloooo schloooAHFJDSDAIDWNALDHSJKDAIDANDM"

"WAIT I THINK I HAVE AN ANIME GIRL BITING VIDEO TOO"

"anime girl voice: mmm! mm... ahhhhmp!! mmm, mmm... aaahmp!"

"i think it sounds great i'm going to start eating like that"

"several people are typing"

"do these look edible to you"

"forbidden gummies"

"when I was on lsd I couldn't eat my fruit gummies because I thought they were alive because they had little faces on them"

"oh shit yeah don't do drugs"

"anyways general consensus is puyos are edible, ty for your input everyone"

"everypony is a word so powerful it can bring nations to its knees"

"pls the self control it's taking me not to say "hewwo everypony" in gen chat when someone new joins-"

"hewwo evewrypony uwu deaw cewestia i hopwe it doewsnt wain owo"

"ive cooked up a sowution wiwth the knowwege ive acwued. they say a kitcwen time saves niwne, but im just savwing two. Ive gathewwed the inwedients to make a time sowbet. Thewe's hawdly woom fow seconds when the seconds mewt away."

"I had a ten year old sister... you know what happened to her??? very sad, very tragic... she turned eleven....."

"NIIICE"

"Guts dont say the secks word :( /j"

"watch your fucking language in front of the president"

"im so sorry lumi"

"i think you're like ehhhh 8/10 funny"

"now me???? 10/10. Hilarious"

"sometimes i have to take a step back and remember that this is the same guts i follow on tumblr /lh"

""ok every here's some good shifting advice!!! uwu have a good day" "yeah i did lsd and ate fruit gummies""

"i have one setting and it's whatever this is"

"my bitch ass cat just pushed the door open with his fuzzy face and now my sleeping dad is being lulled into dreams by Cosmo Sheldrake's 'Pliocine'."

"me on discord: nick wilde"

"me on tumblr: shifting water! haha funne! me on here: my hermit crabs are cannibals also i want to eat souls."

"im sorry yOUR VIBESA RE JUST SO DIFFERNT"

"u give off older cousin ive never spoken to but always admire at the family gatherings vibes"

"what the fuck"

"BC I HAVE LIBERTU"

"If you adopt me then yes"

"am I qualified for dad jokes???"

"we're all a lot smarter on tumblr"

"I'm like "awww... sweet... sweet little shiftlings... posting such sweet shiftling content... so pure, so wholesome... does not even know abcs....""

"can't think before you speak if you never think B)"

"I'm not responsible enough to be a mom"

"cat pet"

"show us pictures of the cat or i will do Crime"

"maybe thats me being a coward tho"

"MOTH!!!! MOTH MY BELOVED"

if y'all want I can make this a series bc shiftblr keeps giving me more content

[darrowsrising]

For "Send Me a Character" I gotta ask for Darrow and Virginia!

My faves!🤗

Darrow of Lykos:

First impression: Darrow: 'I would have lived in peace, but my enemies brought me war.' Me: I love you so much, I declare you my favourite.

Honest to Reaper, I loved him from the first sentence. I have felt lust at first sight, but love at first sentence (not romantic love, just...idk, you like a character so much you just...love them, if that makes sense)? Idk, it's one of those experiences that make life worth living.

Impression now: I would die for Darrow of Lykos, I would kill for Darrow of Lykos and most importantly, I would live (am currently living?) for Darrow of Lykos. Ok, I may exaggerate, but honestly, Darrow really inspires me and if anything, he made me realize that life is worth living...even when it sucks. And I am not saying that lightly, I just can't evoke properly what Darrow means to me. I read books hyped to 7 dimensions, but none of them actually inspired me like this. And I truly needed it, especially at the time I read Red Rising.

That being said, I can put my bias aside for analysis, but will I stop reminding you that I love him? Nope! Think of me as a brighter version of Sevro, I thrive on your annoyance.

Favourite moment: Every moment, let's not do this, it's a losing game.

Idea for a story: I find it the hardest to write fanfiction from his perspective in first person, although his thought process is a lot like mine. But I would love to dig into a quiet, peaceful day with his family. Or maybe the his and Virginia's first date. If Pierce ever adresses that date again, I will literally hang over every word.

Unpopular opinion: People who say Darrow is overrated are the same who're saying Beyoncé is overrated.

Ok, now a more serious one, this narrative that Darrow is bad...worse take ever! Different reading experiences and interpretations and any other things don't work in this case at all. Idk, the fact that people are unwilling to accept that the majority, and yes, even Sevro, can be very wrong, is kinda scary to me, even though it's fiction.

Favourite relationship: My personal favourites are his relationships with Virginia and Sevro. But every Darrow relationship is great. LET DARROW BE DAD, BLOODYDAMMIT! Even that with his soldiers. You know what my God did even after a heart attack? Went to speak with his soldiers, acrually talk with them, not adress the masses. His bodyguards rotate every hour and they can't keep up with him. I am not saying everyone should love Darrow, but...how can one not?

Favourite headcanon: HE SLEEPS SHIRTLESS. At the very least. Idk, if anyone deserves to wake up to the best slive of man cake of a husband shirtless every morning, it's Virginia au Augustus.

Virginia au Augustus:

First impression: Hot damn, girl, you must be really special if Darrow can't even muster a retort, let alone stop staring at you in the sunset.

I adored their little meet cutes, but I honestly loved her the most at the Institute, maybe because she was the most consistant and I loved to see and piece together who she really is, while knowing certain things about her for facts. I loved her because she wasn't like the other Golds, there was something about her that wanted more but didn't know how to implement it, although she tried. I think that Mustang was the first introduction of a Gold that actually seemed to care, you know. It mattered to me when she actually got that Red analogy.

Impressions now: I love her so much, she my favourite female character, she's just everything I wish I could be, but I also relate to her on a certain level (I am no genius, I wish lol). I love how Pierce writes his main cast, because it never gets boring. They don't just stop at a certain point, they evolve and they feel so real because of that. Virginia is no exception - I have actually taken to calling her Virginia, not Mustang, because I think it now suits her more.

I genuinely love Virginia for everything Kavax said to her in Dark Age. I think of her exactly the same things and...I can't help but love her for that.

Favourite moment: I love all of her moments, but I must say that the Iron Circle and Imperium scenes made my brain tingle the most.

Idea for a story: WE. NEED. HER. POV. HER EVERY OPINION! GIVE US VIRGINIA'S POV SERIES, PIERCE!

Unpopular opinion: I think she is very underestimated. Just because she is peaceful and/or tries to walk the stiletto so that her successors don't destroy the Republic because she slipped once with a certain issue and they exploited it to hell, doesn't make her harmless. To be peaceful is to be capable of great harm and choose not to inflict it. Otherwise you're just harmless.

Favourite relationship: I obviously love her romance with Darrow, but her bromance with Sevro is the very best. I also like how the twins bond was explored, but also how it's dealt with now. Her relationship with Pax? 🥺🥺🥺 I also can't wait for more friendship with Victra, because I think their opposite personalities are the most intriguing thing. Pierce does like that in his characters, there are plenty of characters built like that.

Favourite headcanon: When she was pregnant and missed Darrow terribly, she allowed herself to be miserable only when she was alone, so she tried to keep busy and often forgot to eat, which wasn't really a problem, because she couldn't keep down much. On one particular hard day - Darrow's (fake) execution - she did not come out of her room at all. She woke up, dizzy and sick and it smelled of garlic and okra blossoms and tomatoes. A highRed help was making pitViper egg soup for the mantainance staff. She talked to her over a bowl of soup and it was a bit awkward at first, but she was a midWife, so it ended up being a heartfelt and helpful discussion. They made a deal - the mantainence staff gets to eat whatever they want, as long as Virginia gets served this soup at every dinner. Her baby seemed to like it a lot.

Thank you for the ask! Howl on!🐺💖

[novantinuum]

Fandom: Steven Universe

Rating: Teen Audiences (I have upped the rating in consideration of sensitive topics I aim to depict later on.)

Words: 6.4K~

Summary: In another world, he doesn’t have his mother’s sword or shield to hide behind when Bismuth lands her strike. The bubble pops.

Steven falls apart.

Chapter summary: In which history is written on the walls.

Some of my other fics have been showing up in the tags when I use the link post option, so I’m doing an experiment this time. Fingers crossed it shows! If you read this and enjoy, I’d greatly appreciate your support through reblogs here, or kudos/comments on AO3. Thank you! <3

____

Chapter 12: Beta, Part 3

Having long since heeded Ruby’s advice to take a mental break, Steven sits criss-cross with his back pressed against the hodgepodge aquarium. If you ask him, this position is a two-in-one miracle, allowing him both an unobstructed view of the doorway, and sparing him from the deep rooted horror of the creepy dismantled plush still floating an aimless arc through the tank. He loves Peridot to death, but good golly, this latest meep morp is deeply unsettling. He shudders at the mere thought of its water-logged stuffing oozing out from the seams, and then— inhaling deep through his nose— steers his focus back to the phone clasped tightly between his fidgety fingers.

Back to the story, you doofus.

With nothing better to do for the moment and a hyperactive mind to satiate, he’s finally started to read the Unfamiliar Familiar fanfic that Connie sent him a link to a few days before. True to her words, it’s super, super good. Well written, great characterization, and best of all, the author keeps throwing in hints of future romance between Lisa and Archimicarus! Considering that, he’s almost surprised Connie likes this fic so much. She’s normally not much of a shipper. To be fair though, romance definitely isn’t the point of the story. Instead, it’s an AU focused on the mystery of the main character’s origins.

He can’t help but let out a sympathetic sigh as— in chapter 5– Lisa tries to calmly explain to her fellow Stonehearth Coven members that somehow her father, the revered founder of the coven, used to be a prince of the wicked Arcane Court. Most of her once-close friends don’t swallow the news well. As a result, Lisa is left alone to seek the truth of her father’s past, with no allies except her trusted familiar at her side. Lip quivering, he presses his thumb solid against his phone’s screen for a while, as if yearning to reach a healing hand beyond the barrier between fiction and reality and let the young witch know she’s not alone, that he sees and supports her. He makes a mental note to thank Connie profusely for sending along this really good fic, and presses on to the next chapter.

He’s halfway to the end of it when Peridot returns.

For someone who appeared super frazzled by Lapis’s terror-struck outbursts the last time she stood at his side, she sure seems fit as a fiddle now, walking with a slight bounce in her step as she crosses past the fence line and onto the property. At least, he assumes she is. He can’t help but immediately doubt this assessment when she spots him sitting against the inner wall of the barn with that piercing focus of hers and bounds through the doorway like a Gem fleeing the apocalypse.

“Steven, Steven, Steven, Steven!” she cries as she runs to his side, flapping her arms urgently.

Practically tossing his phone to the ground to free his hands for combat, he leaps to his feet so fast that his head grows woozy. His rose-thorned shield shimmers into tangible existence in front of his barred fist.

“What, what is it?” he exclaims, the pounding of his heart devolving into an untamable cacophony as all his darkest fears rear their ugly heads at once. “Is- is it Lapis? Did she leave anyways?”

“Uh, no…?”

“Or, or, or- are we under attack?!”

“Steven, I—“

“Who’s here for me this time?” he blurts, grabbing his friend’s shoulders. “Is it Homeworld? Jasper? The Diamonds? Tell meeee!” he whines, roughly shaking her.

“I- No one? It’s no one!” Peridot exclaims when her head finally stops jostling back and forth under his force, waves of confusion coloring her expression. “I’m… just happy to be back?”

His cheeks burn red as he drinks in her obvious statement and eventually catches his breath. He lets go of her. “O-oh,” he stammers, willing the shield floating before him to disappear into glimmers of light and desperately wishing he could do the same at this precise moment of existence. “Okay. Glad to see you back! Did, uh… did you find Lapis?”

She nods in confirmation, but visibly deflates a little at the reminder of her roommate. “Yeah, she’s perched in a tree in the woods. She said she wanted some ‘alone time,’” she emphasizes with air quotes.

Steven clasps his fingers together in front of him as he lets this news sink in, digits tussling without end for the most comfortable alignment. Bleeding heart that he is, he hates the idea of letting anyone be alone, especially after a revelation this jarring, but he must admit that he himself found some comfort in solitude the night his human half took for the beach, inert diamond in hand. If anything else, it was nice to retreat from all the noise, to allow himself the opportunity to form his own opinions about the situation. Perhaps it’ll be beneficial for her, too.

“That’s understandable,” he says, glancing out the barn door towards the forest his friend is taking refuge in. “She’s been through a lot.”

He squats to pick up his phone from the floorboards then, frowning as he notices a fresh crack on the glass at the corner of the screen. Knowing that— despite his desperate desires— there’s nothing he can do to fix this right now, he shoves it in his pocket and pushes against his knees to stand up. The bottom of his shirt catches on his arm as he does so, briefly exposing the unfamiliar facets of his rotated gem. Peridot’s brows nearly shoot above the upper rim of her visor.

“So,” she begins, nodding towards his stomach. “Your gem.”

With a tired sigh, he tugs his shirt back down. Boy, does he already know where this conversation is heading, and boy, is he sick of having to walk everyone through it. “Yup,” he replies, popping the ‘p’ and getting ready to deploy the exasperated eye roll.

“All this time everyone thought you were a hybrid quartz, but now you’re telling me…”

“...that I’m actually a dia—“

“...that I, Peridot, certified Kindergartener, a skilled specialist on every variety of Gem to ever exist, was wrong??”

“Hold on, what?”

She holds her hand over the diamond emblazoned on her chest as she passionately continues, wholly oblivious to Steven’s bemusement. “I was the brightest Gem of my cut back on Homeworld, and yet somehow I mistook a perfectly formed diamond for a quartz! Ah, hahahah!” Eyes glinting with what he can only describe as a borderline feral energy, she moves to clutch at the sides of her head, thick tufts of lemon yellow spilling out from between her fingers. “Oh, my stars. I’ve lost my touch!”

“Wait, who’s out of touch?” Ruby’s curious voice chimes from nearby. Overjoyed to see her again, Steven whirls to face her with a huge grin as she enters the barn and lounges against one of the support beams, propping a hand on her hip.

“I- it’s nothing important,” Peridot mutters, flushing as she smooths her hair back into place.

Immediately making note of the hint of shame dancing across her features, he nods. “Yeah, we were just chit-chatting! Hey, how’s Amethyst doing, though? You went to talk to her, right?”

Ruby huffs in frustration at the mention of the quartz Gem, grinding her boots against the floor so hard that for a second he’s genuinely concerned she might spark a fire under her very feet. “Tried to. But then she slashed her whip towards me and said I couldn’t help her, so ‘go away!’” she exclaims, throwing her arms in the air. “Can you believe it? I’m trying to provide some love and support, and she, she just- tells me to scram!”

“Aw, that’s not very nice,” he says with a frown, feeling his heart pulse in sympathy as she begins to pace back and forth across the wooden slats, grumbling under her breath.

“What’s her problem today, anyways?” Peridot asks, crossing her arms. “She’s usually much more amicable.”

Steven nibbles at the inside of his lip as he considers the concerning downward trajectory of Amethyst’s recent behavior. Sure, she can sometimes get snippy when she’s in a bad place, but this past week her outward attitude has built into a continuous problem. He himself has been on the receiving end of her acerbic words more than a few times, such as that afternoon they goaded each other into a duel at the Sky Arena, and that barbed retort she pierced him with at the fountain. Then there’s her fight with Pearl, her resulting emotional seclusion, today’s callous treatment of Peridot, Lapis, Ruby…

He desperately wishes he could pin all the blame for this on a single person, a single event, (because oh, wouldn’t that make his life so much easier), but when he tracks the evidence of her unrest it becomes blindingly clear that her problems began long before Rose’s betrayal was revealed.

“Well, beyond all the, uh… latest stuff, she’s been super insecure about Jasper,” he offers. Rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet with his flip flops rhythmically clapping against his heels, he rummages his brain for the easiest way to explain the root of the situation. “Basically, Jasper took Amethyst out in a fight a week ago, and ever since that she’s been training super hard a whole lot. I think she’s desperate for a rematch, to prove she’s good enough.”

“Wait, wait, wait—“ The green Gem holds her hands out, palms open. “You’re telling me she’s got an inferiority complex about Jasper? With where she came from?” She lets out a raucous peel of laughter, holding her sides. “Oh Amethyst! That’s ridiculous! She was made way better than that clod.”

He squints at her inquisitively, crossing his arms as he tries to make sense of the interesting new conversation thread that just flowed out of her mouth. “But what do you mean, where she came from? Isn’t she from Homeworld, like you?”

Ruby freezes in place upon hearing this question, clear worry threaded through her creased browline. Her mouth bobs open as if she’s gearing up to answer his question, but amidst her hesitation— a timidness that, the more he thinks about it, is bizarrely out of place from the bold, confident Gem Steven’s gotten to know from all the other times Garnet’s unfused— Peridot beats her to the charge.

“Pfft, are you kidding? She emerged right here from Earth, and not even from its good kindergarten!”

He slams his hands against his cheeks, internally reeling from this revelation. “There’s other kindergartens?”

“Well, sure! There was supposed to be one in every facet. Until the rebellion put a swift end to the Diamonds’ colonization efforts, that is,” she adds quickly, adjusting her visor. “There’s Amethyst’s Prime Kindergarten in Facet Five, but there’s also the Beta Kindergarten in Facet Nine. And that piece of work is where Jasper was made… poorly!” Giggling in excitement, she rapidly shuffles her feet beneath her. The glimmer of light reflected in her eyes is bright enough to rival a distant star. “You guys have to see it!”

Steven balls up his hand at his chin, deliberating. He has to admit, after the recent emotional upheaval that he now can’t help but associate with this place, he really likes the idea of spending time somewhere other than the barn.

“Huh. Might be worth asking if she wants to check it out,” he says with a shrug. “Ruby, you in?”

The Gem in question nibbles at the corner of her lip, humming low under her breath as she considers his offer. A small bead of sweat hangs above her brow. Sporting a good natured grin, he nudges her in the side with his elbow, hoping he can cheer her up a bit.

“A little more time with your favorite Steven and Peri? Eh? Come on, you know you wanna!”

“Do it, do it!” Peridot chimes in, pumping her fists up and down.

He eagerly joins in with her rallying cry, and in no time at all they’re both circling around their friend chanting those very words. Ruby stands center with her arms crossed and her back erect, desperately trying not to break her stoic facade with a smile. It’s ultimately futile, of course. After all, no one can resist the good ol’ Universe charm forever!

“All right, fine, fine, I’ll come,” she finally acquiesces, and with a smirk, plants both her hands on her hips. “After all, someone’s gotta keep an eye on all you trouble makers!”

Now that Ruby’s officially on board, the trio ventures outside to find Amethyst, Steven and Peridot giggling as they begin to skip around the perimeter of the barn side by side, arms linked together. Brushing a few flyaway curls out of his face amidst the comforting breeze, he glances over his shoulder when they reach the first corner to make sure they’re not leaving their friend in the dust. And thankfully she’s right on their tail, but he can’t help but notice her enthusiasm seems muted. He presses his lips together in concern. Does she not want to go with them? Is he only forcing her into this? His stomach twists with guilt as he ponders this quandary further. It’s not his intention to be pushy, but maybe— between coercing Amethyst to take a break and accompany him to the barn, begging Lapis to stay, and now, nudging Ruby to come to the Kindergarten— he’s only being selfish and manipulative about all this. He thought he was bringing people together, but what if he’s wrong? What if he’s only straining relationships, tainting the already tense atmosphere, making everything worse?

(What if this is the same sort of excuse his mom Rose used to make?)

With Amethyst slashing her whip at a few old rusted cans in the clearing before them, however, there’s no time to waste drowning within what-ifs. It’s like that day he learned about Garnet’s future vision for the first time: if he lets himself get tangled up in the possibilities he’ll never truly live. He sighs under his breath, lips pursed. Of course. Garnet’s right even when she isn’t here. As much as he’d love to go crazy psychoanalyzing the impact of every solitary step he makes, at this point he’s made his choices and whatever happens, happens. It’s time to live now.

Initially, the purple Gem is rather indignant at the idea that the three of them were gossiping about her behind her back— eyes clouded with hurt— but once Peridot explains that the point of their proposed Kindergarten field trip is to check out Jasper’s no-doubt lame hole, she blinks away her bitterness and seems to eagerly climb aboard.

“Sure, why not? ‘S not like there’s anything more fun than roasting your enemies.”

“I strongly agree,” Peridot says, nodding with pride.

But before the newly expanded Shorty Squad can begin their journey, there’s something Steven really needs to address. Something that’s been troubling him all day. Nervous butterflies filling his stomach, he leans up close to his sibling-in-crime and whispers so the others don’t hear:

“Amethyst, can I talk to you for a bit before we leave?”

Her expression curdles, but thankfully, unlike in Ruby’s unfortunate account, she doesn’t make a move towards her whip to push him away. Instead, she meets him with a gaze so hardened and difficult to read that his eyes can’t help but drift away, perhaps a little intimidated by the intensity of this contact.

“Yeah, I guess,” she mutters eventually. She flicks her wrist up at the other two, gesturing for them to get a move on. “Go on ahead. We’ll catch up.”

Ruby and Peridot nod, the red Gem with a good deal more sympathy drawn on her face, (but for him or Amethyst?), and promptly set off towards the warp pad. He continues to watch until they disappear beyond the curve of the grassy hillside, both conversing comfortably. The last he hears before the warp shoots its cyan stream of light into the sky is a hooting laugh from Ruby. Despite how non-ideal this visit has been so far, he can’t help the smile stretching across his cheeks, or how his chest grows all warm and fuzzy. It’s really nice to see Peridot getting along so well with the others now. She’s made such huge strides in the past few months.

Something metallic clangs behind him. Flinching, Steven whirls around. A crumpled, abused soda can lays overturned by the side of the barn. Amethyst— arms crossed tight just under her gem and her hair more spiked and untamed than usual— glares at that poor hunk of tin as if it’s solely to blame for all of this galaxy’s problems. She moves to lean against the barn’s outer wall and peers at him expectantly, like a troubled child expecting judgement from a parental figure.

“So. You wanted to talk,” she says, tone clipped.

“I… wanted to be honest,” he mutters, threading his fingers together as he grasps for how best to word this. “Amethyst… I know you’ve been going through some hard stuff lately. I know everything that’s happened in the past few days doesn’t help. But you’ve been so inconsiderate of like, everyone here.” He swings his arm in a wide gesture towards the barn. “Peridot and Lapis didn’t deserve the way you treated them earlier.”

No response.

Steven frowns, and— a glimmer of quiet frustration bubbling deep within him, the sort he’d never admit to out loud but can’t help but harbor whenever he catches wind of small injustices that he can never seem to fix— scratches an burgeoning itch at the nape of his neck. He… oh stars, he’s going about this completely wrong, isn’t he? He’s being too confrontational. Hmm. Maybe he should try a new angle. Time for take two.

“I know you only acted that way because you’re hurting and don’t wanna think about it,” he continues, “but please, you don’t have to box your emotions away like that. I wanna help. I wanna listen.”

Slowly, gently, he moves to place a hand on her shoulder. It feels like a small victory when she doesn’t shift upon his touch.

“Believe me, you’re not alone in feeling this way.”

Again, nothing. She’s not even looking at him right now, and her jaw’s locked. Even her form feels tense under his fingers, with hard light pulsing back and forth under her illusory skin at an alarmingly unusual pace.

He sighs, gaze dropping towards the ground, towards the battered can she kicked aside earlier. “I’m worried, y’know? But... I understand if you’re not ready to talk… about Jasper, and—“

“Oh, hoh! That’s rich!” she explodes suddenly, jerking her arm away. “You seriously wanna bury your head in the sand and pretend this is just about Jasper?”

He tiptoes away from her rush of anger, eyes growing puffy. “I—“

“You wanna know how I feel, Steven? About your mom, and the whole awful mess she made? Do you really? ‘Cause I don’t have a single CLUE what I should feel anymore!”

Amethyst pauses for breath amidst her tirade, briefly locking sight with him with a glimmer of hurt reflected in her violet irises, showing that deep underneath all those twisted layers of anger and resentment she’s just another scared, abandoned Gem like him.

“Rose was everything to me, okay?” she says, throwing her palms wide for emphasis. “And all this time, I thought she was the one Crystal Gem who could be real with me. The only one who wouldn’t sugarcoat things or treat me like a baby. ‘Oh, you’re perfect the way you are, Amethyst!’” she coos in a fake, silky-sweet voice, cupping her cheeks as she openly mocks the very Gem who gave her life so he could exist. “You’re such a strong little quartz, you mean so much to me!’ Hah!”

She pauses to force a bitter laugh, clenching her hands into insufferably tight fists.

“And wasn’t that just a huge load of silt,” she spits, staring off into the rosy distance as if it were but a cruel mirage, the pain more than evident in the taut features of her face. “All along I thought she was this great, faultless person, just like you did. Except she wasn’t. She’s a liar, like everyone else. I’m worthless, just like Jasper said… and Rose knew it.”

Hesitantly, compassionately— heart breaking for the internal struggle she’s caught within, a struggle he intimately relates to—  he tries once more to reach out in comfort.

“Amethyst…”

She sniffles, wiping away the leaking fluid pooling at the corners of her eyes.

(She does not, however, brush him away this time when he wraps his arms around her torso and nestles his head against her chest.)

“Just— forget it, okay?” she says after a quiet moment’s embrace, gently stepping back from his affection. “It’s whatever. Come on, Peridot and Ruby are waiting for us. Let’s dump this joint.”

__________

Ruby quietly shuffles across the loose soil, directing her eyes as low to the ground as possible to avoid having to stare at the Beta Kindergarten’s steep cliff walls. Red sandstone, Peridot proclaims a few feet away to their newly arrived sightseers, whirling in place with her arms extended wide. We’re lucky this place hasn’t blown away. Beta, am I right?

Steven manages a soft laugh at this. Amethyst continues onward with her arms crossed, unimpressed. But Ruby herself? Well, she’s the only Gem here who can say she crossed this infamous swath of sedimentary rock at its very beginning, on the day of emergence. The others may choose to laugh about how soft and unideal the soaring sandstone cliffs are, or about the uneven exit holes and curved walls, but in her opinion it’s no laughing matter. She’s seen firsthand how deadly even a so-called ‘imperfect’ Homeworld soldier can be. Even Garnet barely escaped with her gems intact.

Nervously flexing her fingers at her side as she tries not to dwell on that tragedy, she flashes her gaze upward, daring to catch even a passing glimpse of the top of the vast canyon. In an instant her vision swims with endless pillars of rusty oranges and reds.

Everything on this planet might as well tower over her without Sapphire. The once-welcoming arms of their temple? Monolithic. The vaulted ceilings of the beach house? Her eidetic memory can’t help but remind her of her early days spent marching through Homeworld’s diamond sized hallways with the rest of her squadron, patrolling the same route for well over five hundred cycles straight. The kicker? The Diamonds never had any reason to visit the shipment sector in person, anyways. The hallways were only constructed with such high ceilings to remind any Gem passing through of their rightful place under the Authority.

Over two hundred years, she adhered to their twisted rhetoric. Two hundred years of allowing everyone and everything around her to make her feel small, like she only existed for a singular purpose. Two hundred years of ignoring the tug of dissatisfaction at the core of her gem because of the misplaced belief that orderly subjugation under the Diamonds was simply the rightful pattern of existence. Then, in a beautiful bloom of light… she caught a glimpse of true freedom. And for the five thousand seven hundred years after that, Garnet didn’t feel quite so small anymore. She felt capable, confident, satisfied. Aided by Ruby’s physical strength and Sapphire’s future vision, she finally dared to challenge Homeworld’s rhetoric. She dared to live for herself.

Sighing under her breath, Ruby touches her fingers to the place in her right palm where her missing gem is, tracing the triangular shape of its illusory facets.

There’s no use arguing; Garnet was a better Crystal Gem than she can ever hope to be on her own. And now, because Rose just had to go and manipulate all of them, there’s a strong chance she’ll never get to be Garnet with her Sapphy ever again. Which means that until further notice, she’s stuck like this: short, stubby, and woefully insecure. Hah! Figures. All those years spent fighting against Homeworld’s warped notion that Gems had stagnant purposes and couldn’t grow beyond their stations, and now it’s as if she’s been dumped back at the beginning, like the past five millennia never happened.

It’s a cruel irony.

And yet it’s no crueler than this awful place: a cradle of birth manufactured as a tool of war, a Gem’s very existence leeching the life out of this once-fertile ground. The scars on the walls tell a mournful story, and as Ruby slowly trudges after her loved ones, fingers numb and fidgety in the wake of haunted disorientation, she can’t help but wish she wasn’t present for its prologue.

“Ruby…?”

Her sight trains on one of the tilted exit holes closest to ground level, on the messy silhouette it provides. She remembers this one, in fact, Garnet watched her emerge. She was a carnelian. By Homeworld’s standards, an imperfect one. That doesn’t matter, though. None of Homeworld’s lies matter. Running on nothing but the primary orders she was incubated with, (it wasn’t her fault, it was the Diamonds’, she reminds herself with a bitter growl), that Gem still emerged to poof three fellow rebels on sight. If Garnet hadn’t been so quick to retrieve their gemstones, they might have been shattered that day. Many of the others assigned to her squadron weren’t as lucky. Inhaling shakily, Ruby pauses to trace her fingers across a raised ridge in the rough, brittle sandstone.

“Hey, Ruby!” his energetic voice calls again, snapping her out of her intense focus like a fusion splitting in half.

“Aaaah!” she cries, swinging around and pulling both fists up in defense. Her hands uncoil rapidly once she catches a glimpse of that cheery yellow star.

Aw, scrap! she chides herself, repositioning her feet solid on the ground to regain some sense of internal balance. Damned startle reflex.

Unfazed, Steven grins boyishly, skipping a few steps away from the rest of the group to join her by the cliff wall. “Penny for your thoughts?”

Amethyst and Peridot are watching now too, she realizes, her brief but audible outburst thoroughly diverting their attention from their Beta Kindergarten roast session. Their quizzical glances pin her in place, her hard-light form heating in embarrassment as she struggles to organize the flow of her emotions in a way that might make sense to anyone beyond a fellow ruby. She scrunches up her nose and considers her next words carefully, attempting to strike the proper boundary between what is and isn’t appropriate to say in front of a half-human child. Stars knows Amethyst, Pearl, and herself haven’t had a great record with that over the past few days.

“Just thinkin’ about Sapphire, mostly,” she admits, offering him a saddened shrug. “Can’t seem to stop that, even half a world away.”

“Speaking of that... Why did you run after us?” Amethyst asks in a notably less cranky manner than earlier, lightly kicking at the dirt with the toes of her booties. “You never said.”

“Y’know, I…” She pauses, pressing her hand to her chin. “I’m not sure. I spent days waiting in front of the temple door. And eventually, I guess I figured that if she’s gonna make me wait no matter what, I might as well do something with myself until then. ‘Sides, I didn’t want to be lonely,” she adds, suddenly feeling just as small and vulnerable in front of all of them as her timid voice sounds.

She felt lonely enough when she ran away from home a few days ago, tears streaming in messy rivulets down her face, utterly spurning their attempts at comfort so she could pretend she was anything else than powerless amidst this nightmare. She never wanted to split, not at all. She begged Sapphire to give their relationship another chance, to believe in the strength of their love more than the fear of a diamond’s control, but tragically, her partner couldn’t hold up under the pressure. If one individual doesn’t wholeheartedly want to be Garnet, then Garnet cannot exist. They can’t synchronize. It’s simply the nature of fusion. And given her love’s avoidance, refusing to so much as leave her room to begin with, Ruby’s beginning to lose hope that their fusion will ever exist again. The crippling isolation that realization affords is the worst form of loneliness she can imagine.

Thus, the least she can do at the moment to mitigate these all-consuming feelings is to get off her butt, leave the temple, and ensure she’s surrounded by loved ones.

Peridot steeples her fingers together in front of her chest. “Well, what if you moved in with us?” she offers in a meek tone at first, her expression brightening as she continues to explain her idea. “The barn’s got plenty of room, and with two roommates you’d never have to feel lonely again!”

Steven’s dark irises practically sparkle. “Aww, Peridot, that’s super sweet of you to offer!”

“Wow, thanks,” she replies earnestly, puffing out her chest in a rush of personal pride. “I do try!”

“Yeah!” Ruby says with a hesitant laugh, scratching at the back of her neck. “That sounds amazing, but…”

“You should do it, Ruby!” he encourages, bouncing up and down on his sandaled feet amidst his excitement. “You should totally move in with them!”

“D’ya… d’ya really think so?”

“Yeah! It’d be like your very own vacation, but you’d only be a warp away!”

“And you’re sure you’d be fine with it? Y’know, with everything at home all…” She blows a juicy raspberry, jabbing her thumb down.

Amethyst serves her a big shrug. “I ain’t got a problem. Go crazy.”

“There’s no need to worry about me,” Steven says, smiling evenly. “I only want what’s best for you. And if you think not staying in the temple all the time would make you feel better, you should give it a try!”

Her concerned glance drops on the young half-Gem. Sure, it’s very compassionate of him, actively choosing to care so deeply for everyone’s emotional needs all the time, but home life for him hasn’t exactly been nurturing and hospitable lately. He already lost one of his pillars of stability when Garnet unfused. Pearl and Amethyst are at each other’s necks again. Sapphire hasn’t emerged from her room for days. Greg’s… doing whatever it is Greg does when he’s not hanging out with his son, probably keeping his distance from Gem business as usual. So with all that in mind, even if temporarily living apart from Sapphire is sure to be a beneficial move for her personal well-being and sanity, is now actually the proper time to consider a change in scenery? She purses her lips.

“I’ll think about it.”

Peridot lets out a sharp squeal of delight, apparently ecstatic about the prospect of possibly gaining a new roommate. Ruby can’t help but grin at this response. In truth, if she didn’t have to consider the well-being of Steven and the rest of the Crystal Gems, she’d say yes in a heartbeat. After all, she’s never gotten the opportunity to make many decisions on her own. Heck, she’s never gotten the opportunity to do much of anything on her own. Every time she’s unfused within the last five thousand years, her priorities have always been about what Sapphire would want, what Sapphire would do.

Well, what about Ruby, this time? Aren’t her desires important? What does she want?

Long term… she has no clue. But right now? She’d prefer to avoid dire reminders of old sorrows at all costs, thank you. So when Peridot declares that she’s 99.9% positive she’s found Jasper’s exit hole, Ruby declines to join them in their roast session. She never came here for sightseeing, anyways. She came here as their lookout. Just in case. She’s never trusted this awful tear in the ground one bit, and she’s not about to start now.

Running instinctively on old programming she was incubated with, she creeps deeper between the narrow mouth of the cliffs and summons her gauntlets at her side. Sure, so maybe they’re not as daunting in their size as Garnet’s, but they can still pack one heck of a punch. She’s still good at punching on her own, yeah? Hopefully? Stars, it’s been so long since she’s gone solo for more than a few measly hours.

And then, at the cliff base in front of her, she spots the most unusual exit hole she’s seen in this miserable canyon yet. For one, it’s low to the ground, like Amethyst’s. That fact alone is enough to set off alarm bells in her head. On top of that, its silhouette is almost comically wide and indistinct, not resembling any cut of Gem she’s aware of.

“Huh. That’s different,” she murmurs, pacing closer to investigate.

Maybe an off-color topaz could punch a hole as wide as this? But… no, no. That can’t be right. Hard light coursing wildly through her form, Ruby dissipates one of her gauntlets and runs the tips of her fingers across the crumbly inside surface of this hole. A few granules of sandstone break off upon her touch and clatter against the ground, and she jerks her hand away as if touching impossibly cold ice. Something about this feels... wrong. To be fair, she’s no expert kindergartener like Peridot, but she’s pretty confident the interior of exit holes should be smooth, with striated rock layers extending all the way back. Instead, this bizarre scar in the cliffs almost seems like—

“It’s dug out,” she says, eyes widening in dawning horror.

Which means they may not be alone in this rusted relic of a Kindergarten after all.

Her body suddenly feeling staticky and unbalanced amidst all this damning uncertainty, she tiptoes away from this mysterious feature, slowly at first, and then— as the fear begins to bubble up within her core like boiling water transformed under her power— transitioning into a sprint. We’re not alone, she repeats to herself in a harried mantra. Not alone. Not alone, we’re not alone, we’re—

Ruby’s foot catches on an uneven lip of stone jutting up from the ground, and she quickly plows headfirst into the coarse dirt, promptly ending her terror-stricken flight.

“Ow,” she whines as she recovers from this fall, rubbing at the side of her head. Not only is she a little dizzy, but her surroundings are made further hazy amidst the overbearing sunlight pounding indiscriminately upon the ground floor of this canyon. It’s enough disorientation to allow the jumbled code of her gem to begin to play tricks on her. For one, she swears she can hear this low, timid skittering, like thick claws rhythmically scraping against rock. Second, she’s half-convinced she can feel a surplus of physical vibrations radiating from the cliffs surrounding her. Squinting, she shields her eyes under a raised arm so she can begin to gain her bearings again. The blinding light recedes.

The red Gem gulps fearfully amidst the burning colors of the harsh sandstone landscape. “Wait, is that—“

She’s stumbled her way into a massive clearing, lined on all sides by stacked rows of holes physically dug into the sheer walls. Each opening is barred by a number of thick metal rods, stripped from the legs of the injectors that once incubated this hell in the first place. The thoughtful engineering imbued in this setup is impressive and terrifying all at once. Ignoring the tangible tug of hesitation at her core, she pushes herself back on her feet and creeps towards the closest cage to investigate further.

“Uh, you guys?” she calls loudly as she walks, the unusual curves of this canyon an undisputed blessing as they carry her message back to the others.

“Yeah?” Amethyst chimes back, her voice notably distant. Too distant.

“We’ve got, um—” her hand glides across one of the bent, rusty bars— “a bit of a problem here?”

“What?? Speak louder, we can’t hear you!”

Before she can even prepare to reply, a fur-covered monstrous creature leaps from the shadowy abyss of its prison and snaps its tusks at her. She yells, jerking her hand away from the cage and stumbling a few feet back. Her brow creases in abject confusion as she attempts to process what she’s seeing in front of her. It’s… it’s a corrupted Gem? This one’s most definitely a quartz; she recognizes the faceting, as well as the distinctive fur-covered quadrupedal shape of its corrupted form. But why on Earth is it being trapped within a cage in the middle of a defunct kindergarten instead of being placed in a bubble’s comforting stasis? The ground beneath her feet grows noticeably warmer as a rush of impassioned anger surges through her hard light form. She grinds her teeth together, flexing her fists at her side in the name of this cruel injustice. Caging isn’t part of Crystal Gem protocol for a reason!

Unfortunately, the horror show continues as her gaze passes over each and every cage in this clearing, finding scared, thrashing, corrupted Gems in almost all of them. Fluid builds up at the corner of her eyes as they scream and wail at her, riding a fresh wave of cacophony spurned by that Gem she spooked just a moment ago. How could anyone ever build such an awful place? And why?

Heavy, assured footfalls suddenly bounce across the acoustically encouraging slopes and surfaces of this ravine, magnified tenfold in their wake. Ruby gasps, wasting no time in ducking behind a tall rocky formation at the mouth of the clearing. That’s definitely not Amethyst or any of the others. It sounds too large, too bulky. She kneels low so she can still peek over the topmost layer of sandstone, a knot of dread coiling within as the footfalls continue to grow louder. Groaning, she clutches at her head. The unknown, the impenetrable shadow of the future… stars, it haunts her more than loneliness itself.

And then, the specter of her history reveals herself, making Ruby’s tangible form stutter in the sheer terror her appearance affords.

Jasper— her opponent, her nightmare, the Rebel Slayer herself— emerges from a plume of rising dust at the edge of this populous arena and enters the game.

[fondnesses]

roscoe’s notebook post

A while back I said I was going to write a post about the way I use notebooks for writing projects. This is the first of several posts about Writing Process I’ve been tossing around in my drafts for a little while as a result of conversations with friends, so bear with me.

I. Love. Notebooks. I genuinely would have to deeply overhaul my whole Process of writing anything on the longer side if I were to go paperless; I find physical paper pretty invaluable when I’m outlining, brainstorming, and researching, and I still probably write ¼-⅓ of all my actual content on paper first. (That proportion used to be a lot higher, but I’ve gotten better at being productive on a computer in recent years, which is great.) I’m a very visual person, so notebooks really help me visualize my ideas, story structure, etc. It’s very helpful to be able to use arrows and diagrams and physically strike things through, and the tactility is really soothing to me. If I show people my notebooks or talk about them, I often get a response like “this is so organized”, which is sort of true, but I have to stress that it’s “organization for a disorganized mind”; I can’t misplace ideas or notes if it all goes into the same physical object, vs. electronic notes, which are much more, like “Did I say that in a voice memo? PM it to myself on Discord? Leave it in a desktop sticky note? Write it directly into the Google Doc? Who knows! It’s lost to time!”. It’s very much an ADHD management strategy.

It helps that I’m a very neophyte stationery hobbyist and appreciate any excuse I have to use my pens, but I also will go off at any opportunity about how helpful I find them for writing projects, which is why I decided to just make a post about it. Right now I mostly use them for (fan and original) fiction projects, but I used a notebook for a very similar purpose when I was working on my undergrad thesis, and I have a slightly different but equally necessary-to-me approach to notebooks I use at work.

My typical structure for a notebook that’s devoted to one project only looks like this:

I always leave the first couple pages blank so I can go back and retroactively index bujo-style. I don’t always actually do the index, because sometimes I get too lazy, but I like having those blank pages there to give me the option. I also usually put epigraphs/inspo quotes on the first page.

After that, there’s often (but not always, I’ll talk about it) a couple pages at the start where I’m frantically jotting down loose brainstorming ideas before they've coagulated into a story structure. Just, like, vomiting into the void.

Stemming out of that, I usually write out about like 5-10 pages of outline-style notes in chronological order, laying out all the main story beats and charting out the story trajectory. This will inevitably get revised and rewritten many times, but I find the process of writing these wide-angle synopses really useful for dislodging ideas, making connections re: thematic threads, etc. from my brain.

I’ll devote a couple pages after that to specific things like "sex scene brainstorming", "random scene ideas/minor details that don't have a clear place in the outline right now but I'll turn to for inspo later" [this is what I refer to as “bits” in one of the later photos], "page where I just outline the Motifs And Themes", "research notes", "to-do list", "stuff to check on a second pass", "things to put in the a/n and AO3 tags", etc.--the specifics vary with the story.

Then, I skip ahead to approx. halfway through the notebook and cordon off the rest of the pages to be “free writing” space, AKA writing of actual content rather than planning, with the expectation there will be no internal organization and I’ll transcribe to laptop as I go. Writing on paper feels less binding than typing something on a computer; it’s like a little secret kept with myself, and it doesn’t need to go anywhere or be seen by anyone if I decide I don’t like it. Setting aside pages in the back half of the notebook means that, as more things come up re: planning, I can go back and add those in the rest of the pages that were intentionally left blank. This is how I avoid (for the most part) having the whole thing be a jumbled mess where there’s no separation between the notes and the actual story writing; I learned this the hard way via the first notebook I’ll show you in a second. I’ve recently gotten really into using Muji sticky note tabs to label any pages/sections of particular import that don't want to have to refer back to in the index and would rather just flip to instantly.

I do use notebooks that aren’t specific to any one project, but those are much less organized and less worth sharing.

Before I look at more recent stuff, here are some selections from my notebook for the project that got me into writing longfic, my Golden Kamuy canon divergence AU (with apologies for the bad photos, my phone’s camera is trash). I worked on this from Sept 2018-July 2019. It was a learning experience in a lot of ways, and notebook utilization was one of those. I’ve always used notebooks for keeping track of writing projects, as I said earlier, but before this it was largely without much organization or structure; just total chaos. Having a physical notebook became really important for this project because it was a sprawling multichapter story with rotating POVs and a lot of historical research. I also learned a lot about what not to do with a notebook, personally, or at least things that don’t work so well (for me). This was a college ruled spiral-bound Decomposition Book, for the record.

By the time I bought a notebook for it I already had a (very basic) plot outline in mind, so I wasn’t doing that very initial ground-zero brainstorming in here; I was copying out of my phone’s notes app, basically, and then going from there. 

This is one of the first pages in this notebook; I wanted to visualize the relationship web between the four central characters in the story in terms of how they feel about one another. The two colours correspond to the POV characters (Sugimoto in orange, Ogata in pink), and I used this colour-coding throughout the notebook with highlighters, etc. to keep track of information that was more relevant to one character than the other. Tsurumi and Yuusaku aren’t POV characters, but they’re prominent in the story and their presence impacts the central relationship between Sugimoto and Ogata, and it was helpful to me to map out the emotional ecosystem, as it were.

(There are coffee stains all over this, because I wrote the vast majority of the story in coffee shops because I didn’t want to be around my roommates, lol. This is part of why I never do fiction writing in notebooks that are too nice, I get neurotic about needing to keep them tidy. I can’t use ones that are too shit though, either, so it’s a bit of a narrow window. I’ll talk more about brands and paper quality etc. later.)

As you can see, this is the first page of many I set aside specifically for jotting down different pieces of historical information relevant to my story. It’s about fictional characters who are members of an army division that existed in real life, and both the canon and my fic involve a high level of attention to detail with regards to which divisions were present for which battles, etc., as well as general historical details specific to the Russo-Japanese War setting--what did people eat in the trenches? What did they do to fill time? How did they get through the winter? What did third party observers have to say about the conditions? What were the specs of their weaponry (particularly important because one of the POV characters is a sniper and gun nut)? I did a lot of reading (and watching of antique gun collector Youtube videos... the things I do for love, eh), and it came in handy so many times, because it turns out it’s much easier to write trench warfare slice of life if you have factual details to pull from when you don’t know what to do with a scene! Imagine that!

This is the first of three “grid outlines” I made; this is a way I sometimes like to visualize a story outline all on one page, with the columns representing chapters and the squares within the columns representing sections/scenes within the chapters. As you can see, early on I was hoping to get this done in five or even FOUR chapters (whatmakesyouhaha.mp3), with POV switches happening internally within the chapters. This proved to be unwieldy for many reasons, so I revised the outline:

Here I’d come to terms with the fact this story was going to have a lot more chapters than I’d planned, and I rearranged things so that it would happen in ten, with each chapter belonging to only one POV character. This also needed revising later, and in the end the story looked a bit more like this (though it did in fact end up being twelve chapters, but only because Chapter Ten was like, 12k, and needed to be split in two chunks):

I must have remembered to bring my fineliners to the coffee shop this time, lol, because as you can see it’s properly colour-coded this time. This outline was made when I was already four posted chapters into the fic, which hopefully gives you a sense of the way in which I am sort of a planner and a pantser; I can’t get into a longer project without an outline, but the outline inevitably changes many times throughout writing and I often end up with a finished product that looks pretty different from what I was intending. My creative M.O. as always is Do The Maximum! Amount! Of! Work! Possible!

This is what a “free writing” page looks like, for me. In this notebook I didn’t set aside any specific spaces for free writing so it’s strewn throughout the notebook in a really disorganized way and I was constantly flipping through looking for bits I’d written and forgotten to transcribe, and I decided to be more organized in future as a result of that. If something’s crossed through, that means I transcribed it. As you can see, they’re often small sections, sometimes just a coupled decontextualized sentences. About 3/4 of what I write in a notebook makes it into the story, I’d say; some of it never goes anywhere, and that’s OK. I have less of an issue killing my darlings if they never make it off the paper page.

A very brief, top-down chapter outline, where the goal was not to get too bogged down in details and just to visualize the beats and pin down what they’re trying to accomplish. Chapters for this fic typically ran about 6k, and five or six scenes per chapter was pretty common, so the average scene length was about 1-1.25k words/scene. IDK why I called it storyboarding when I didn’t make drawings. (Margin numbers are to keep track of word count, since I was using a daily word count tracker while writing this.)

This page was, as titled, for keeping track of the various balls in the air when I was about 2/3-3/4 of the way through the story and really feeling the pressure with regards to tying up the various loose ends. This was... a struggle. I hadn’t ever written anything longish (this fic ended up just under 70k) that had an action plot before, let alone a canon divergence scenario where I had to engage with and explain away various canon plot elements so I could maintain the audience’s suspension of disbelief.

Now, I mentioned earlier that I learned various “things not to do” with my notebooks while working on that project. One of those lessons I learned is to be more realistic when assessing how big a project is likely to get, not least because I RAN OUT OF PAGES around the chapter 9-10 mark. In my defense though, that’s because I’d never written anything even half this long! But I know better now, and try not to be in denial. Finishing the notebook early was a way bigger problem than I’d anticipated, and was part of the reason the last few chapters took several grueling months to finish. The issue was that I needed to be able to use a notebook to maintain my workflow--attempting to do it only on a computer was dismal--but it seemed silly to start a notebook of a similar size to the one I’d finished (80pg, approximately B5 dimensions) when there was no way it would need that much space, especially since the reference pages, like the historical notes, didn’t need to be transcribed over. I was also pretty broke at the time and didn’t want to spend money unnecessarily, lol. I tried to get by using a Moleskine Cahier for a month or so because I had one lying around, but it was horrid; it was too small to be used comfortably, it wasn’t spiral-bound so it wouldn’t lay flat, the ghosting is terrible and I hate the way Moleskine paper feels, etc. Eventually I caved and went to Muji and bought a 30ish page A5 with closer to lay-flat binding, and I finished the story in there. I would take a comparative pic for you of the relative notebook sizes and include some of the scene staging diagrams, etc. I put in there, but I can’t find it :(

So I learned that specs really do matter, and it’s okay to be picky if the pickiness is going to make the difference between actually using a notebook or not. Things that are important to me in my notebooks:

Ruling (gotta have ruling, I can suffer through grid but blank or dot is a no-go)

Size (I can’t use anything smaller than at least a medium-large notebook, I find it claustrophobic and get miserly about page space)

Binding (twin ring is my preference because it looks and feels better than a classic spiral but has the same comfort of use with regards to bending the pages back to suit workspace size and laying flat with ease)

Paper quality and colour (I don’t like anything too slippery/smooth or with too much visible ghosting, and I strongly prefer an off-white paper to bleached paper--part of why I don’t use Decomposition Books anymore, the paper is scratchy and it’s too damn bleached!)

Pagecount relative to size of project

Portability (in non-COVID times; anything bigger than a B5 wouldn’t fit in the satchel I used to bring to work at my old job), etc.

But everyone’s taste is different in this respect, and the only way to figure out what works for you is through trial and error, I’m afraid. I also suspect I’m more neurotic and particular about the sensory experience of using a notebook than most people are, but I yam what I yam.

Now to talk about the notebooks for my current projects, where I’ve refined my approach somewhat. I’ve included less photos for these because they’re ongoing WIPs I don’t want to spoil completely, but I’ve tried to include some outline-type stuff to give you an idea.

My big bang fic is in the very ugly twin ring notebook on the right; I got it at a dollar store by my house because I needed something to work in and didn’t want to wait for an online order, but it’s been very serviceable for my needs. The paper isn’t even bad. The bigger notebook (B5) is my Sangcheng fic.

I wanted something with a lot of pages for this, because I knew it was going to be a long story, and for some reason the fact it’s smaller than my usual preference doesn’t bug me (I think it’s an A5?); it just fits this story, somehow. I’m not sure exactly how many sheets are in here but I’d guess about 150.

Because this notebook has upwards of 100 sheets, I made a lot of use of sticky-note tabs to label high-priority pages. The colour coding of these doesn’t mean anything, it was just whichever ones I had at hand at any given moment. These are those tabs from Muji I mentioned, I’m really obsessed with them--the shape makes them so much less obtrusive and more practical than conventional squares/rectangles OR flag shapes, IME.

My big bang story is nonlinear, so, similarly to what I did with colour coding for the two POVs for my GK fic, this story has two main colours corresponding to whether a given section takes place in the “before” or the “after” portions of the timeline, with blue as “after”, yellow as “before”. This is what the most current version of the outline looks like in there:

If you squint, you can see the alphanumeric notes in the top right of each section entry; I gave them each a code like “A3″ or “B5″ corresponding to their position in the story sequence (so, it goes A1, B1, A2, B2, etc., through to B9 and then the epilogue). [Unintentional that this schema overlaps with notebook size labeling and so is kind of confusing in the context of this post.] At first I was just keeping track of the sections via the highlighted titles, but it got confusing because I’d write down “Wedding” or “Yiling” in my notes and then refer to the notes later like “but there are multiple marriages?? and multiple scenes in Yiling??”. Stuff gets struck through with a straight line if it’s been written in a more-or-less complete form and crossed out with a squiggly line if it’s been cut from the outline or made redundant.

As I said earlier, I started out all the initial brainstorming for my Sangcheng fic in its notebook, instead of brainstorming it in someone’s DMs/my notes app/a voice memo/etc. and then transcribing it into the notebook in a somewhat more organized fashion, which is how my stories usually start out. Because of this, the first five-ish pages are basically just stream of consciousness rambling where I was trying to jot down every disconnected thought I had about the story concept. I don’t have photos for that because it’s too spoilerific for later developments in the fic, but I can show you some of the stages the outlines went through, once I was able to corral those initial notes into a story structure:

All the chapters in this fic have their own highlighter colour, so when I started trying to make sense of my initial brainstorm notes I just went through and highlighted stuff in the colour of the chapter it would make the most sense for, and then transcribed things more-or-less in chronological order into the relevant chapter outline. I later ended up rewriting all the chapter outlines AGAIN to refine them and divide them internally by the individual scenes, which makes them a lot more legible and less wall-of-text-y. They look like this now, with about four sheets per chapter:

Because this fic is on the longer side, I have some pages that are just for keeping track of other story elements, like this, where I refer back to whatever the fuck the “themes” are supposed to be whenever I forget what this fic is about:

It’s all about the visionboarding... Anyway, that’s most of what I have to offer, since most of these two notebooks is Forbidden Content.

With regards to brands/supplies, I really like this Kokuyo Campus Wide notebook that I’m writing Sangcheng in, it’s pretty perfect for me. I also like the B5 Muji twin rings, but those only come in 30 sheets, so I wouldn’t use it for anything above a ~20k project. The B5 Maruman Spiral Note 6.5mm ruled/80 sheet is another good one, though I wish it was twin ring instead of spiral. As you can tell, I like Japanese stationery brands because it’s easier to find decent paper quality and minimalist design without shelling out $$ than it is with American/European brands, at least IME. I like Rollbahns too. But honestly, I can usually find pretty serviceable random notebooks that aren’t brand-name from Asian dollar stores; it’s really not something where you need to shell out tons of money.

[yszarin]

seen people on twitter talking about what got them through 2020, but twitter scary so I’m just gonna ramble about podcasts here. I’ve loved audio fiction since I was little, when my brother used to bring me big finish doctor who to listen to when I was sick, and they’ve really been great for me this year in terms of... want story but too tired to keep eyes open? podcast. need to do a mundane task but can’t stay on it? podcast. need something on before you sleep because if you leave your brain to its own devices it’ll eat itself? podcast. looking for queer rep? podcast. below the cut I’ve stuck 10 of my favourites of the shows I started listening to this year, and I promise they’re not all from Definitely Human.

Down - fiction, horror - a state of the art submarine with a less than state of the art crew descends into a newly-discovered Antarctic trench, “The Bottomless Pit” for the purposes of exploration and science! This goes about as well as you would expect. Episodes are super short and it’s entirely possible to listen to the whole thing in less than a day, although unfortunately it’s currently unfinished due to covid, so I guess it’s more that in less than a day you, too, could join me in unintentional hiatus hell. It is worth it.    

Enthusigasm - nonfiction, talk - Rusty Quill patreon exclusive show in which Helen Gould talks to people about things they enjoy. It just has the loveliest energy, and is exactly what I’ve needed this year. They’ve done episodes on subjects including baking, the horror genre and trash tv, and every one of them has been a joy, even when it’s about stuff I’m not into personally. How RQ manages to consistently produce The Best Content I don’t know, but by god do they do it.

Everything is Alive - interview - Gemma Amor recommended this and she’s usually right about such things. It’s a series of interviews with inanimate objects, all of which are animate now and have things to say. I’m particularly fond of the gay subway seats and was emotionally distraught by the cuddly toy. Very good to listen to to fall asleep.

Marscorp - fiction, sci-fi comedy - Station Supervisor E. L. Hob is awoken from suspended animation on Mars and must do her best to restore the colony’s original purpose of terraforming the planet. If you teased Jonny Sims for naming his main character after himself and also playing him please get ready to forgive him for everything, as you meet Tom Dalling, David Knight, and Dave Price, played by Tom Dalling, David Knight, and David Price, and written by Tom Dalling, David Knight, and David Price. I’m furious.  

Pax Fortuna! - actual play, adventure - a rotating group of characters leaves a horrified and occasionally maimed trail of NPCs behind them as they adventure in and around the prosperous island city of Fortuna. The shifting cast works really well, allowing for some PCs who are just objectively terribly people, while keeping the whole thing feeling really fun. Particular favourite PCs are Selwyn Bloodstorm, half-orc in search of gold accidentally ending up with friends, Alfonso Boyo, a necromancer but only in the most bureaucratic and horrifying way possible, and Almira Q Appleby, gnome inventor presenting such items as The Potato Peeler (may contain combat setting) to an unsuspecting public. The series comprises six interconnected smaller stories, each with multiple episodes, all of which are around 25-30 minutes long, which has been a particular joy for me, as someone who has difficulty with episode lengths of over an hour and is so often “I love AP podcasts. love to actually listen to one someday”. Pax Fortuna! is the caramelised nut bowl of actual plays, in that I found it very difficult to stop consuming it, now it’s all gone, and I’m sad. There are only two fics on AO3. Please listen to Pax Fortuna!.    

Shadows at the Door - anthology, horror - A collection of quiet horror stories, mixing older tales, both classic and less well-known, and modern ones. The soundtrack is by Nico, one of the editors on TMA and Good Egg, and it turns out, also Skilled Egg at soundtracks. Each story is followed-up by a discussion of its themes, and some tangents. Also very nice to fall asleep to, lots of suggestions of new things to look for, and the stories themselves are well-dramatised.  

The Monster Hunters - fiction, comedy - It took me a bit of time to settle into this - I have a tendency to bounce off comedy, apparently - but once I had I was very settled. Roy Steel and Lorrimer Chesterfield are there with fists and brains respectively to hunt monsters and be anything from vaguely to pointedly sexist because it’s the 60s/70s (it is intentional and ludicrous). If you’re familiar with John Finnemore’s Souvenir Programme, you can listen out for Simon Kane as Sir Maxwell House. Some nice spooks, especially in the Christmas specials.

The Amelia Project - fiction, comedy - Need to disappear? The Amelia Project will help you fake your death and reappear in a new life. Each episode takes the form of an interview with a new client, in which they tell their story, and the circumstances of their death and next life will be decided. The creators had a stall at PodUK and gave me some Malteasers which it took me approximately 10 months to eat because I didn’t feel like I’d listened to enough of their show to deserve them. Fun fact! There are plenty of chocolate foodstuffs that will take this length of time in their stride and still be as new when you eat them, but Malteasers are not one of them. Luckily finishing off S2 of The Amelia Project has been its own reward, and I still have plenty to go!   

The Infinite Bad - actual play, horror - a slowly-forming found family leaves a traumatised and usually dead trail of NPCs behind them despite their best efforts, as they are embroiled in a globe-spanning investigation of horror and mystery. Uses a modified version of the d20 modern system, set in the inter-war period, and, it should be noted, contains depictions of period-typical racism. Other CWs (this list is not exhaustive) include child death, pet death, gore, disease, misc death (so much misc death), so please be careful if you choose to listen. Also contains stairs, the inherent malevolence of citrus products, and things which are viscous.

These Flimsy Rituals - actual play, fantasy - I’m not very far into this one, due to episode lengths, but when I have the spell slots to do so I always enjoy listening to it. I’m in the first bit, which follows a group of people fleeing a living storm. They have some really lovely lyrical bits at the starts of the episodes that I could listen to for hours, I’ve found those of the characters that I’ve met very engaging, and I’m interested to see how it unfolds.

[blysse-and-blunder]

In lieu of a commonplace book

In the nearly-a-decade I’ve had this blog, I’ve reblogged a metric fuckton of posts and created or shared very little of my own content. I’ve been inspired to change that, a little by the pandemic, a little by studyblrs like @sleepanon, and probably the most by internet-friend @girlfriendsofthegalaxy—whose weekly-roundup format I am going to lovingly rip off. I’ve consulted her and have her blessing, so without further ado...!

saturday, dec 26 @ 9:37pm

reading I’m trying desperately to finish Dorothy Dunnett’s The Game of Kings before libby yoinks it off my phone for the nth time. historical fiction set in 16th cen Scotland. this novel has so much about it that I crave, e.g. delicious vocabulary (that seems to be a blend of early modern Scottish terms for things, and just bonkers esoteric SAT words), a suavely unknowable and unpredictable antihero protag, and some entertaining dialogue—this series should be my catnip! but there’s so much oblique Plotting and Misdirection, and reading it before bed over the course of the last few months has meant I can’t really keep track of who anyone is, ever. The last 10% of the book has a lot of exposition and tying up loose ends, in the form of a trial, and I appreciate that. I want to get a start on the books I got for Christmas though, so it’s time to get cracking.

watching I watched four? five? episodes of The Untamed in bed this morning before even getting up—it’s getting bad y’all. Not the show —the show is getting good — my beautiful magic sword boys-problem, is getting bad. I should start counting how many times the central two characters make me actually stop and think “that eyebrow/glance/facial feature was so beautiful,” except if I did, I’d never do anything else. I was at the bit in episode 40ish where there is a just so much exposition and so many things being revealed, and I kept hoping the tension would break but things kept happening. this show is making me think a lot about the visual language of television, especially productions from outside north america, and I absolutely love it. there’s so much I know I don’t *get*, and which I want to look up, but I’m making myself wait until I’m not midway through and susceptible to spoilers.

listening to I went for a solitary twilight walk on christmas eve as it began to snow (damply), to look at my neighborhood’s lights and chase a particular mood, and I re-listened to the The Adventure Zone: Candelights  2017 live show from Tacoma  to keep me company. Here in my inaugural weekly-roundup, at the beginning of this experiment in sharing my media opinions and habits, it just bears mentioning that I am an abiding TAZ fan and dip back in to the old stuff when between new episodes.

playing longtime readers of this blog will remember that @floragraph gifted me with a nintendo 2ds back in the summer—a handmedown of hers which is actually the first gaming consol/device I’ve literally ever owned—and a selection of her old games with it. I’ve been saving a bunch of them and gave myself permission to start a new one for Christmas, so I have now jumped into Prof Layton and the Diabolical Box for the first time (I know, I know). here to say I am delighted by the aesthetic, I want to solve the mystery asap, and I am so absolutely not equipped for puzzle-games. Logic? In my recreation? so it’s anyone guess how far I’ll actually get. I’m so much better at the puzzles that let you rotate things, or fool around and find out, as opposed to the brain teasers without concrete things to experiment with.

making I’m not a crafter, so this section will be a mix of cooking or baking projects, home repair and DIY shit, and lazy home gardening. While writing this, I’m mulling some cider, on a stove burner whose metal under-coil pan I have replaced with much clanking and swearing this evening. The cider smells excellent, it’s infusing with an orange peel and little sachet of cinnamon/nutmeg/whole cloves, but I’m almost more excited about getting the burner coil to fucking fit and not pop back out of place.

working on this section is something I’m trying as a form of academic motivation, where I can talk a little about what I’m writing or reading for my phd (so I can keep the reading section above for recreational reading, which I absolutely depend on to preserve my quality of life). this week, however, I’ve been forcing myself to take an honesttogod break for a few days, so I will just mention that this section exists and will be more interesting in future posts. I’m presenting at a conference on Jan 7! That practice presentation I did before ‘break’ showed me how much I need to work on! Ideas about framing my research to fit the stupid ‘teaching tools’ theme of the panel are percolating in the back of my mind, but I’m not going to take action on them until Monday— it’s marinating, to mix my metaphors somewhat. 

[iamanartichoke]

Hi! For the ask game: Iron Man 1, 2 & 3 and Loki

iron man 1 - what made you first get into fanfiction?

I’ve been into fanfiction, in general, since before I knew what it was. I grew up in the 90s, so the internet wasn’t really a thing, but I still spent time writing fanfic - Baby-sitters Club, the Outsiders, etc. When I did eventually get the internet (around 2001), I discovered fanfic communities and started writing/posting stuff.

I did that for a few years before I delved into writing original stuff, so then fanfic wasn’t really a thing for me until Loki. I specifically got involved in fanfic for Loki bc I just had such strong feels for him. I didn’t set out to write any; mostly, I discovered AO3 and started reading it, but the more I read, the more I wanted to write my own. And now here I am.

iron man 2 - are you a secret fan or does everyone know you love marvel?

Kinda both. My family and a few irl friends know I love Marvel and write fanfic (and by irl friends I mean my ex-boyfriend and @mostlytoska​ lmao) but mostly, no, I kinda keep it to myself. I sort of prefer that? For one thing, keeping it to myself makes it feel more mine, somehow, but for another thing, I also don’t really like the effort it takes to explain it. As someone who’s spent most of her life explaining the appeal of various nerdy things I’m into, I’m just kinda over it. If that makes sense.

iron man 3 - underrated fanfic trope?

For Thorki specifically, there aren’t enough “50k+ words,Thor starts out as an asshole, he and Loki severely clash and create lots of angst, then Thor slowly becomes a better person and has to reach out to Loki and they start seeing eye-to-eye  while Loki has to decide if this dumbass oaf is worth it or not (while he pretends he’s not falling in love with him already)” fics - but, that is literally just an “underrated to ME” trope, haha. I tend to prefer if they’re human AUs as well, but that’s not a requirement. Idk why, something about asshole!Thor becoming a better person bc of Loki specifically (instead of Jane) really revs up my feels engine. 

It’s a fine line - I don’t like Dark!Thor, bc dark Thor without redemption is just depressing to me, so it really does become a little niche of fics I really, really like that I don’t find nearly often enough. 

Aside from that, though, I don’t really have any other tropes that I wish there were more of; I think my tastes tend to align pretty well with what’s been put out there already. Oh! I do wish there was more asexual, demiromantic Loki fics, though (again, preferably for Thorki but I’d read other pairings, too). To date, I think I’ve found like, two. 

loki - what’s the most outlandish (or it could just be your favorite) au you’ve ever read/wanted to write/thought of?

Ahh I don’t know! I don’t tend to have a very outlandish imagination, lmao. My favorite AUs are human!AUs, though. I like them because I love to see how the characters we know and love in-universe are reimagined in modern settings and how it makes their dynamics change. With Thorki, there are a lot of human AUs where they’re not related and have various creative “meet-cutes,” like Loki owns a bookstore and Thor walks in one day, or Thor is a doctor and Loki is the whumped-out patient who ends up on his rotation, or whatever. 

For writing personally, I’ve wanted to write a human AU where Thor and Loki are the modern equivalent of princes, or at least politically visible, so they’re like members of a royal family (like a fictional version of William and Harry). I’ve also considered Odin being POTUS and Loki and Thor are the “First Sons,” just bc I’ve always (before Commander Cheeto, anyway) been a little fascinated by the dynamics of the “First Family” (I watched Air Force One a lot as a kid). 

I also really, really want to write a reincarnation fic I’ve had in my brain since Endgame came out, which I think I’ve posted about before but basically Thor, about 500 years after Endgame, crosses paths with a Loki who is the reincarnated version of his brother, only this new person has no idea who he was or even that reincarnation is a thing. (Subconsciously, he remembers.) The fic becomes about Thor pursuing Loki and Loki running away from his subconscious memories and feelings, so yknow, lots of angst with an inevetable happy ending. I haven’t attempted anything with it yet bc I’d want it to be pretty epic and so far I just haven’t had the brain energy to make it happen. One day, though. 

Thanks so much for the ask! 

mcu fanfiction ask game. 

[brightbeautifulthings]

Unwind by Neal Shusterman

"What he's really saying is: Please be a human being. With a life so full of rules and regiments, it's so easy to forget that's what they are. She knows--she sees--how often compassion takes a back seat to expediency."

Year Read: 2020

Rating: 5/5

About: After America's second Civil War, abortion is made illegal. Instead, between the ages of thirteen and eighteen, parents can choose to have their children unwound, where all their organs are transplanted to living donors so that their lives don't technically "end." Connor is rebellious and trouble-making, Risa is a ward of the state, and Lev is a tithe, a child who's raised to be unwound by the blessing of god. For various reasons, they're all set to be unwound, but together they have a chance to escape their fate and help others like them. Trigger warnings: Everything? Death, child death, child abuse, mental/emotional abuse, body horror, vivisection, amputation, suffocation, explosions, fires, car accidents, violence, severe injury, paralysis, abandonment, sexual harassment, threats, bullying.

Thoughts: When I was a kid, I came across a book at the library called The Dark Side of Nowhere. I hadn't read a lot of science fiction at that point, so it basically blew my mind. I haven't reread it recently to know if it holds up, but I never forgot it, and I've added a lot of Neal Shusterman's books to my to-read list since then. Let's consider Unwind a veritable repeat of that experience, with one difference: I've read a lot of YA dystopias, and I'm still screaming inside about this book. I thought I was pretty done with the genre, which is probably why it sat on my shelf for five or six years before I got around to it, and shame on me for that. Not to trash anyone's favorite, but I can't understand why Divergent and The Darkest Minds have been made into films, while I can only name one other person who's even heard of Unwind. It's an exceptional addition to the genre, on par with The Hunger Games and Legend, and if you like those, you should add it to your reading list immediately.

But a few warnings first. This a dark book, darker than dark, and I admire the way that Shusterman isn't afraid to take this premise into its grimmest, shadowiest corners. If you're not prepared for a chapter of a live vivisection--one of the creepiest, most disturbing scenes that I (an avid horror lover) have ever read--then you aren't prepared for Unwind. It's more frightening than a lot of horror novels, and it doesn't flinch from the difficulty of its topics. While I can see how it could be read as a pro-choice novel, I think it’s actually pretty ambiguous about that and most of the moral issues it addresses. The only message it really seems to stress is that unwinding is a horrible solution to the problem, despite the Ship of Theseus style argument that surrounds it and the (almost more disturbingly) unexpectedly good things that come from organ donation. It's ethically complex, smart, and nuanced, and readers could probably spend years teasing out its arguments.

Shusterman was clever in choosing his main characters as well. Connor, Risa, and Lev each show ways in which a system like unwinding might be abused or interpreted. Connor's is the most typical, as the unredeemable "bad kid" that unwinding was likely first meant for. Risa's shows how state homes who lack funding can use unwinding as an escape hatch; she's not a bad kid at all, but she's not useful enough to keep alive either. Lev's is probably most disturbing, since his very religious parents have brain-washed him into wanting to be unwound; after all, good Christians donate 10% of their wealth to charity, and Lev is their tenth child. I'm hugely driven by character, and I loved all of them. Connor is labeled a bad seed, but we only have to spend a few pages with him to know that he cares deeply and doesn't always know how to express it. Risa is a brave and levelheaded counterpoint, and Lev's character development skyrockets in a number of different directions over the course of the book. Honorable mention to CyFi, who has less page time but shows some of the more terrifying and thought-provoking side effects of a technology so advanced it can even transplant parts of brains.

The novel rotates among the three major points of view in a way that's especially cool at the beginning, since we get to see the same significant event take place from each of their perspectives and how it impacts them. (You know how much I love books that are structurally interesting.) I'm less fond of the barrage of perspectives toward the end of the novel, and I'm not sure most of that (with one or two obvious exceptions) couldn't have happened from Connor, Risa, or Lev's eyes. However, I can't argue with the results, and Shusterman is able to explore this issue from every possible angle, both horrifying and redemptive. It's quick-paced with rarely a dull moment and absolutely explosive plotting at the end. The novel feels oddly complete for a first book in a series, and given the five-year gap between publications, I expect it was initially meant to be read as a standalone and easily could be. Regardless, I'm on the edge of my seat for the rest of the series.

[cathygeha]

REVIEW

The Hate Project by Kris Ripper

The Love Study #2

 Adored this Carina Adores romance! It had me smiling, caring, chuckling, and hoping for the best for two rather prickly characters. I will say that the story grew on me and I was not enamored at all by the end of the first chapter BUT by the end of the second chapter I was invested and wanted to know what would happen.

 What I liked:

* The slow build of the relationship

* That the two men were not “easy” to love from the first moment you met them

* The group of friends that go by a name that would be censored if I typed it in her…they are there for one another no matter what.

* Being able to read and understand this book without having read book one in the series first

* Stepping into a world that is not my own

* Oscar: anxiety plagued, quirky, caring, organized, interesting, a person that as explained helped me understand better someone I know.

* Jack: bright, cautious, caring, loves his grandmother, a person with potential that is tapped in this story.

* That both characters became more and more real as I read, I was invested in them and their HEA was something I truly wanted them to achieve.

* Evelyn: Jack’s grandmother is a character and oh so lovable!

* The way the hoarding aspect of the story was handled

* Finding out what “The Secret” was

* All of it really except…

 What I didn’t like:

* Having to say goodbye to the characters when the book ended…

 Thank you to NetGalley and Harlequin-Carina Adores for the ARC – This is my honest review.

 5 Stars

The Hate Project by Kris Ripper is available in eBook, trade paperback and audiobook formats on April 27th!

  BOOK DESCRIPTION

This arrangement is either exactly what they need--or a total disaster

 Oscar is a grouch.

 That’s a well-established fact among his tight-knit friend group, and they love him anyway.

 Jack is an ass.

 Jack, who’s always ready with a sly insult, who can’t have a conversation without arguing, and who Oscar may or may not have hooked up with on a strict no-commitment, one-time-only basis. Even if it was extremely hot.

 Together, they’re a bickering, combative mess.

 When Oscar is fired (answering phones is not for the anxiety-ridden), he somehow ends up working for Jack. Maybe while cleaning out Jack’s grandmother’s house they can stop fighting long enough to turn a one-night stand into a frenemies-with-benefits situation.

 The house is an archaeological dig of love and dysfunction, and while Oscar thought he was prepared, he wasn’t. It’s impossible to delve so deeply into someone’s past without coming to understand them at least a little, but Oscar has boundaries for a reason—even if sometimes Jack makes him want to break them all down.

 After all, hating Jack is less of a risk than loving him…

 The Love Study

Book 1: The Love Study (available now!)

Book 2: The Hate Project (available April 27)

Book 3: The Life Revamp (coming November 30)

  Add The Hate Project to your Goodreads!

   EXCERPT

I’d never had friends until college. And even then, I wouldn’t have had friends except that Ronnie and I were freshman year roommates (before she transitioned, obviously), and she was friends with Dec and Mase and Mia, and they came around a lot and just sort of looped me in. It happened slowly over that first year and suddenly I had…friends.

What’s that thing with snake poison, where you take it in small doses every day to grow your immunity to it? That’s what happened with the Motherfuckers. Eventually I built up a tolerance to their, like, happiness and friendliness and optimism. Now my brain just recognizes them as a part of me. The same thing probably happened to them: eventually they built up a tolerance to my moods and freak-outs.

The most important thing you need to know about my friends is that they’re all way better people than I am. You can tell because they threw me a pity party. There’s the aforementioned Declan and Sidney, who got together during the commission of a video series called The Love Study on Sidney’s YouTube channel. Then there’s Mia and Ronnie, disgustingly married to each other. And the last of the official Motherfuckers is Mason, who once tried to get married (to Dec) and was left at the altar (by Dec). Which was awkward for a while, but now it’s fine. Though of all of us Mase is the one who wants a white picket fence and 2.5 kids.

Sounds fucking awful to me, but to each his own, I don’t judge, whatever floats your life raft, et cetera.

Since I didn’t want to get my impotent rage-slash-panic germs on anyone, I took up a seat in the corner and didn’t leave it except to use the bathroom and acquire victuals. By which I mean vegan, gluten-free, cauliflower-based pizza that turned out to be delicious. It used to be that my friends had an informal rotation for who’d sit with me, trading off for the duration of the social event, but that was before Jack. Jack was new to the group. Dec had collected him from work, and for reasons I didn’t understand (I would have suspected sexual favors if I didn’t know better), he kept mostly showing up to drinks with the Motherfuckers. And was now also on the invite list for ad hoc gatherings to celebrate catastrophic job loss.

Jack and I had no other setting with each other than arguing. Since neither of us was all that nice (and everyone else in the Motherfuckers was very nice), it worked out. He thinks he knows everything, I definitely know everything, and even though for the most part we would arrive at the same point from different angles, we spent most of our fights poking at each other’s angles to prove they were incorrect.

I probably shouldn’t have been surprised when it turned out bickering was actually foreplay.

Since the party was in my honor I was obligated to stay through dinner, and I did. In my corner. Weathering the well-intended reassurances of my friends was hard enough, but when Dec brought out one of those quirky adult card games where kittens exploded I had to get the hell out of there. Too much goodness on a bad day.

Jack apparently had a similar thought. It wasn’t the first time we’d made our escape at the same moment. This time, instead of parting ways on the sidewalk with a lukewarm we know each other through friends wave, both of us stopped.

He stopped a second before I did, which I immediately decided made him more desperate. It wasn’t charitable, but I believe in keeping track of who has the advantage in any encounter. Even a one-off.

“I live ten minutes away,” he said.

“Good for you.”

His lips twisted a little, from not-smile to not-impressed. “This is a pity fuck, Oscar. Take it or leave it.” With that he turned and made for a black two-door something-something on the other side of the street.

I hesitated. For about five seconds. But following up a pity party with a pity fuck sounded about right. “Just to clarify,” I called as I caught up with him, “I don’t do relationships.”

He hit a button that unlocked his car. “Just to clarify, I’m not offering one.”

Carina Adores is home to highly romantic contemporary love stories featuring beloved romance tropes, where LGBTQ+ characters find their happily-ever-afters.

 A new Carina Adores title is available each month in trade paperback, ebook and audiobook formats.

●      The Hideaway Inn by Philip William Stover (available now!)

●      The Girl Next Door by Chelsea M. Cameron (available now!)

●      Just Like That by Cole McCade (available now!)

●      Hairpin Curves by Elia Winters (available now!)

●      The Love Study by Kris Ripper (available now!)

●      The Secret Ingredient by KD Fisher (available now!)

●      Just Like This by Cole McCade (available now!)

●      Teddy Spenser Isn’t Looking for Love by Kim Fielding (available now!)

●      Best Laid Plans by Roan Parrish (available now!)

●      Hard Sell by Hudson Lin (coming May 25)

●      For the Love of April French by Penny Aimes (coming August 31)

●      Sailor Proof by Annabeth Albert (coming September 28)

●      Meet Me in Madrid by Verity Lowell (coming October 26)

●      The Life Revamp by Kris Ripper (coming November 30)

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  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Kris Ripper lives in the great state of California and zir pronouns are ze/zir. Kris shares a converted garage with a kid, can do two pull-ups in a row, and can write backwards. (No, really.) Ze has been writing fiction since ze learned how to write, and boring zir stuffed animals with stories long before that.

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[tsarisfanfiction]

I Just Can’t Wait To Be Free

Fandom: Thunderbirds Rating: Gen Genre: Family Characters: Gordon, Scott

And another fic for @gumnut-logic‘s #irrelief!  The prompt used here is “Any characters – trapped in a lift/elevator” from @darkestwolfx

When Scott gets stuck, Gordon’s the only one around - too bad he can’t stop laughing.

“Stop laughing.”

Scott sounded tired, frustrated, and just about ready to throttle the nearest unfortunate brother – who just so happened to be him – but that didn’t stop Gordon cackling loudly at his eldest brother’s misfortune.

International Rescue had the best rescue gear in the world.  International Rescue had access to some of the best technology in the world. International Rescue currently had one of their operatives trapped in a lift and no-one could figure out how to get him out.

Not that Gordon was trying particularly hard, he had to admit.  If the situation was different, then of course he’d be donning his Rescue Mode and trying to work out the fastest and most efficient method of extraction.  But they weren’t on a rescue, they weren’t even on the mainland – any mainland – and Scott didn’t need to be anywhere in a hurry, so Gordon felt quite justified in cackling at his brother’s current situation.

It wasn’t every day Scott got stuck in his own launch chute, after all.  Luckily, he was returning from a rescue, not the other way around, so there was no real urgency to get him out.  There was the concern that if Thunderbird One’s launch chute was malfunctioning then it would need a complete service before anyone stepped foot in it, and Scott would have to take the long way down to the hangar until it was deemed fit to use again (complete with pulling on his spare uniform by hand, which Gordon did not envy), but that was a concern for later.

Mostly because Scott was still inside, Brains was at a conference the other side of the world with Moffie, and Virgil was still in the air with an ETA of another hour.  Kayo was off doing Kayo-things who knew where, Grandma was still unaware in the kitchen as she conjured up another inedible horror, Alan was with Virgil and John was off-planet.

John and EOS had tried to remotely fix the chute, but it quickly became apparent that it was a mechanical issue, and therefore nothing that could be done by remote control wizardry. An ion wrench was probably the tool for the job, and even if Gordon didn’t have a ban on touching Virgil’s tools (and no-one went near Brains’ without strictest supervision), fixing errant launch tubes was rather different to repairs on a submarine.

Hey, they all had their specialities.  Gordon’s just happened to be not this.

So, really, there was nothing for Gordon to do except sit and laugh as Scott growled at him from the other side of the false wall.  He’d even offered to stream Into The Unknown to Scott’s comm to relieve his boredom until Virgil got back, but that had been rejected.

Virgil had been alerted to the situation, at least.  He’d told Scott that he was hurrying back and had got an irritated snipe at the sluggish speed of Thunderbird Two in response.  Not Scott’s smartest move – a private message to Gordon had informed him that if Scott was going to be like that then he could wait because Virgil was certainly not going to push his beautiful ‘bird for the sake of an ungrateful brother who was at no risk of harm except to his ego.

Hence the hour ETA.

Scott was too smart to not realise that was not Two’s top speed, but no apologies had come out from the chute – Gordon knew those would come later, once he was free and no longer stressed out from being trapped in a small area for who-knew-how-long.  Scott wasn’t claustrophobic, not by any means, but there was always something about being stuck in a place with no way out that got to people.

They’d all done enough cave-in rescues or similar to know that one.

That was why Gordon was laughing.  It might annoy the heck out of his brother, but as long as he could hear a voice, Scott knew he wasn’t alone, hadn’t been left there.  Gordon might not be able to get Scott out, but he could make sure he knew he hadn’t been forgotten.

Oh, Scott would never thank him for it, of course.  Scott had a heavy dislike for being mocked, and there were other ways he could have made his continuous presence know – his usual methods of calming rescuees on missions, light-hearted banter and stories – but hey, he was a younger brother.  He had a duty to be irritating sometimes.

“Gordon, your Ed impression is not helping.”

Gordon stopped laughing immediately, squinting at the (currently not) swivelling fake wall between him and Scott.

“Did you just make a Lion King reference?” he demanded.  He knew Scott liked pre-millennium movies, and the Lion King, despite its lack of anything space or plane related, had always been a family favourite. They’d seen it several times on family movie nights.  

Was it his imagination, or was the answering silence a little apprehensive?  “Scoooooootty.”

Silence continued to answer him, and a hyena-like grin slowly spread across his face.

“Iiiiiii’m gonna be a mighty king,” he started, leaning his back against the wall just next to the rotating section.  “So enemies beware!”

“Gordon,” Scott complained.  He just laughed.

“Come on, Scott,” he encouraged, before singing the lines again.

“No.”

“You can do Simba’s part instead?” he offered.

“No.”

“Scoooooott.”

“No.”

Well, if he wanted to be a spoilsport…

“I’m gonna be a mighty king,” he repeated again.  “So enemies beware!”  Then he deepened his voice.  “Well, I’ve never seen a king of beasts with quite so little hair!”  Too deep.  Ah well.

“I’m gonna be the main event, like no king was before!  I’m brushin’ up on lookin’ down; I’m workin’ on my ROAR!”

Still silence from the chute, so he cleared his throat and tried another pitch.

“Thus far, a rather uninspiring thing.”

That was better.

“Oh, I just can’t wait to be king!”

Ah, now this was going to get a little tricky solo.  He cleared his throat again.

“You’ve rather a long way to, young master, if you think-  No-one sayin’ ‘do this’-”

“Now when I said that…” Scott’s voice finally broke through the sullen silence the other side of the wall and Gordon allowed himself a victory punch.  He knew Scott wouldn’t be able to stay silent the whole time. Little brother’s intuition.  He lifted his voice higher for Nala’s line.

“No-one sayin’ ‘be there’!”

“What I meant was…”  It sounded rather like Scott was taking out his exasperation through Zazu.  Well, it was in character.

“No-one sayin’ ‘stop that’!”

“What you don’t realise…” Gordon hoped John was recording this. Oh who was he kidding, of course he was.

“No-one sayin’ ‘see here’!”

“Now see here!”  That sounded familiar.

“Free to run around aa-all day!”

“Well, that’s definitely out.”

“Free to do it aall myyyyy waaayyyy!”  Gordon finished the section with a blemish, and quietened, waiting.  Question and answer phrases were one thing, but there was no guarantee that Scott would continue into the next section.

Big brother didn’t disappoint.

“I think it’s time that you and I arranged a heart to heart.”

Gordon’s hyena-grin settled into something more genuinely pleased as he picked up the answer, tapping lightly on the false wall for emphasis.

“Kings don’t need advice from little hornbills for a start!”

“If this is where the monarchy is headed count me out!” Scott barked, answering knocks in time with the words.  “Out of service, out of Africa, I wouldn’t hang about!  This child is getting wildly out of wiiing!”  Scott was no Virgil – none of them were – but he could hold a tune when he put his mind to it.  With nothing else to do except knock on his side of the wall to emphasis certain words (and Gordon was fairly sure the ‘child’ he was actually thinking of was not a certain fictional lion cub, but maybe an annoying but lovable squid instead), now was a perfect time to put his mind to it.

“Oh I just can’t wait to be king!” Gordon replied.  “Everybody look left!  Everybody look right!”  He whipped his head around, even though there was no-one there to- oh, hello John!  He gave his older brother a cheeky wave, and got an eyeroll for his trouble although the spaceman stayed mercifully quiet. “Everywhere you look I’m, standing in spotlight!”

“Not. Yet.” Scott answered, biting it out in a perfectly-Zazu fashion, and Gordon grinned triumphantly at John before launching into the choral line.  To his absolute delight, Scott joined in.

“Let every creature go for broke and sing!  Let’s hear it in the herd and on the wing!  It’s gonna be King Simba’s finest fling!”

“Oh I just can’t waaaaaaiiiit… to be kiiiiiiiing!” Gordon finished with a flourish.  In front of him, John shook his head and vanished, maybe to report to Virgil.  Or maybe to explain to Grandma what her grandsons were doing.

“Are you satisfied now?” Scott asked.  He sounded a little less stressed, which Gordon counted as a win, especially as the entire operation had taken less than five minutes, and Thunderbird Two was still nowhere near landing.

Fifty-five more minutes to fill before Virgil and his ion wrench came to the rescue.

“No way, Scotty,” he drawled, settling back against the wall again and ignoring the murderous silence. “What next?”

“No.”

So it was back to that was it?

“Hakuna Matata,” he drawled, and heard a sigh of resignation behind him.  “What a wonderful thing.”

By the time Virgil finally arrived an hour later, freshly showered and clearly in no hurry to rescue their brother, although he was dutifully carrying his toolbox, Gordon had dragged Scott through every movie duet he could think of and then some.

It was a dishevelled eldest brother desperately wanting a shower of his own that eventually found freedom, but a smiling one.

[breezeinmonochromenight]

Eh, fuck it. I’m goin’ in (by request). 

In head actual canon, Vergil is written as a quintessential anti-villain, but later on also displays quite a few of the traits of a Byronic hero.

Anti-Villains usually have mostly good, well-meaning, or reasonable end goals (e.g. seeking power to protect themselves). However, their means of getting to those goals are pretty dark — usually anging from undesirable to evil. Alternatively, their goals may even be selfish or have long-term consequences for others that they don't care about, but they usually do have some good in them and would typically team up with the hero if their goals/means to achieve those goals didn't conflict with those of the hero or the hero’s ideals. (e.g. totally kill Arkham for being a traitor and a clown - not necessarily in the correct order - but still want to use your fancy new rotating Monopoly property to gain unspeakable power).

Byronic Heroes have strong passions regarding their ideals, but are nonetheless still deeply flawed individuals who may act in ways which are socially reprehensible because it is contrary to mainstream society’s beliefs. Byronic heroes are on their own side and have their own set of beliefs that they will not bow for. They will not change those beliefs for anyone. A Byronic hero is a character whose internal conflicts are heavily romanticized and one who ponders and wrestles with their beliefs and the struggle that comes with those beliefs. Vergil does exactly this by being a jade-colored glasses type cynic that has a dark and troubled past that he was shaped by. He even has the romantic element of this trope in the form of the mysterious tryst that produced his son.

Both of these are well-used tropes that can be used to add a lot of dimension to a character. And in this case, it is, and this is why people are interested in Vergil. The writers of DMC have pretty much stuck to this characterization to different degrees to reflect Vergil’s experiences — with him going from a straight-faced, no-nonsense, arrogant teenager with a ton of repressed emotional baggage in DMC3 to a slightly softer, more sarcastic version of himself in DMC5 that’s willing to win the age-old rivalry by default... a thing Vergil would never have done in DMC3. Ever. If one was to actually shut up and pay attention, they might pick up on just how big a deal these tiny little changes in behavior actually are as emotionally repressed as Vergil.

In the canon script, Vergil is actually a bit of a fucking brat in DMC3, and does not really give a shit about anything except his pursuit of power, and he pays dearly for the decisions he makes he makes as a jilted teenager at the end of the game. He cares about only himself at the beginning of DMC5 because he is finally fucking free of his Nelo Angelo prison, but he is dying and he is desperate and desperate people do desperate things. 

Whenever I see a very daft woman-child with clearly lot of hang-ups attacking people in fandoms and screeching nonsense, I often wonder ‘what went wrong?’. A weak sense of belonging is correlated to depression, and groups with shared interests, more often than not, do wonders for mental health. I also notice that women-children like this tend to make fun of other women and men (and they are men if they are in a certain age range - 18+ generally - manhood is not defined by who they are attracted to) and non-binary folks for ‘fawning’ over a character, I wonder just how fucking deeply sexually repressed you have to be in order to be this angry over other people expressing affection/shared interests in a fictional person.

I’m reminded of the time they mentioned those 3 background characters ‘fangirling’ over Gaston from Beauty and the Beast, because he was traditionally handsome guy and they, like the first time viewer, didn’t know just how awful he actually was. This doesn’t really have anything to do with the original topic, at all, so I also find myself wondering this person is projecting their anger issues onto random fictional characters again, and why they seem to have such a grudge against women or anyone they feel is completion/threat.

I’m also reminded that they clearly don’t understand Fight Club, either, or they wouldn’t be emulating Tyler Durden and using snowflake to describe both real people and fictional characters. They would get that the movie is a warning against hyper-masculinity and that, in calling things ‘snowflake’ in true Tyler Durden fashion, they create a very special type of irony where they externalize an idea about not being unique in order to create their own unique identity in opposition. 

I also wonder why they mention the whole Punisher thing at all, and just assume they’re raging because because their Twitter got suspended for death threats to politicians/harassing game devs/getting destroyed in political debates by actual fucking racists and Neo-Nazis that should have been fucking cake to clown on, because all this person can do is spew the same 5-7 insults and threats despite these people being legitimately horrible people. Then I move on, because this is all fucking ridiculous as is, and I realize that my thoughts are already gonna be long enough.

Lastly, I wonder what clown fuckers and monster fuckers have to do with Vergil in this context? Like at all? Regardless of my own personal preferences, I only see someone who is angry over other people’s sexual preferences and attraction because they don’t understand their own and going off on weird, unrelated tangents because of it. It makes me wonder if they would be angry if I expressed interest in space Nazis who are not attractive by conventional means and go about being complicit to mass genocide on a planetary scale while also actually committing patricide?  

Christ on a Bike.

*Sigh* I have to do all the heavy lifting, don’t I?

Might really is everything (to Vergil, because he sees it as a means to an end and the only to avoid being hurt again). And he takes this way, way too far and pays for it dearly.

Some people are too arrogant and too stupid to look past their own nose* and try to understand that people can make cataclysmically stupid decisions when they get pushed too far into a corner and see no other way out.

The way I see it, Vergil and Dante were already abnormal children that had a severely fucked up childhood — one that was defined by a horrific event they experienced from two separate, very different perspectives. Children are incredibly impressionable and their brains are like sponges — I could not imagine being scared and alone with something after me and having no one come look for me. It would scar me no matter what the explanation was. It’s reasonable believe that a 7-8 year old child who experiences something like that would grow up looking for a way to ensure it can never happen to them again, all while festering feelings of jealously toward a sibling who was shown (inadvertent) partiality on top of anger/betrayal because they didn’t understand why mom didn’t love them enough to come help. Kids can’t process trauma like adults, and this kind of shit mentally fucks children up in the real world for a lifetime. Traumatized minds don’t just ‘bounce back’ from something like that when given new evidence on a traumatic event — brains function like computer processors, but they aren’t just fixable like them. I’m sure if one was to actually look, they might actually see a fairly poignant message in all this.

People who are too arrogant often turn out not to be as smart as they think they are. If you’re excessively confident in yourself, you’re not going to listen to other people. (Note: Good job! this is ironic as fuck but the one line I didn’t have to edit!)

The only time Vergil smiles (& it’s a small, but genuine one — a grimace is literally the opposite of a smile and involves a frown, clenched teeth, etc.) is when he’s fighting Dante. This is because it is something he finally knows again — something that’s not part of a ~20 year long personal-made hell inside a suit of Angelo armor. There’s no real heat or tension in their DMC5 fights, and it’s comforting thing for both of them. Judging them for working out their shit this way is moronic because a.) they’re half-devil and don’t follow human social norms and b.) it’s a work of fiction anyway, you fucking numpty.

We don’t know if Vergil has remorse for the events he’s involved in because Vergil would not outwardly show remorse for raising the Temen-ni-gru or Temen-ni-gru 2: Horticulture Edition — that would be out-of-character for him. Any fan of the series should know this. However, if V is anything to go by (and he should be, because, y’know.. 👀), then yes, Vergil likely is remorseful.

The Abusive Parents trope is played with between Vergil and Nero, both with the loss of Nero’s arm and Vergil’s involuntary 20+ year absence because of his ownstubbornness and destructive decisions. Vergil did not know he even has a son and is emotionally constipated anyway, and Nero’s a hair-trigger hothead that wears his heart on his sleeve more than he is (probably even) aware of. Nero’s probably gonna be way too similar to teenaged Dante for Vergil’s tastes, and they’re gonna clash a lot, which creates drama intended to be entertaining for the audience.

Nothing says “I have fully missed the point” and “holy shit what went wrong in my life?” quite like someone arguing the same poorly researched 5-7 takes they have been arguing for like 6 months now on multiple social media sites. 

I saw this one Youtube commenter a little while back and I almost spit out my drink... I knew some people that didn’t like DMC5 were obsessively angry to the point of being totally fucking mental about people liking the game, but arguing in YouTube comments? Holy fucking shit that is another level of feral (and not the fun kind). I’d describe this person as a “cuck” or “bootlicker” but then I realize I’m not like 12 and don’t say the n-word on Xbox live, and that those insults don’t make sense anyway.

And this confusing shit, making me wonder what fucking game this person was playing?: 

If one is going to use a quote to end something, like, say, a legitimate character critique that is not steeped in the bias of their opinion, it makes the most sense to use a quote from something/someone like an objectively important literary work or author. Since Vergil is a Literary Boi™ and there may be “sci-fi / horror fangirls” reading this, I’ll throw a bone out to ‘em (since we’re at the end of this dog walk) and use a quote from Guy de Maupassant’s Le Hora et autres novelles fantastiques:    

“A sick thought can devour the body's flesh more than fever or consumption.”

For the unfamiliar: Guy de Maupassant (1850-1893) is often considered the father of the modern short story, and used pessimistic and disillusioned terms to depict the lives and destinies and interactions of the people and society as a whole in his stories. His short stories Le Hora and Diary of a Madman inspired the 1963 Vincent Price horror movie of the same name as the latter. Maupassant’s later life was heavily characterized by self-isolation and paranoia, and he penned his own epitaph before he attempted to slit his own throat with a letter opener and died in an asylum at age 42:

“J’ai tout convoité, et je n’ai joui de rien.”

I will let whoever reads this translate, and think, on that. 

—

(And no, no sources cited section because I’ve never been a particularly religious bitch.)

*It’s an idiom, don’t even try to spin that shit as anti-Semitic you absolute fucking loon.