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cowandcalf · 4 years

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10.12 – Review and Spoilers

and some I-got-carried-away thoughts on Steve's character – meta-ish and super long

I wasn't sure what to expect from this episode and I got rewarded with so many magnificent details, especially with a lot of wonderful glimpses into Steve's personality when he's competing with someone. And this said someone is not only a former team guy but this someone also drives a Ferrari and has an impressive reputation and is a hidden fan of a so-called Steve McGarrett. Magnum is such a big fan that even his own team he's working with nowadays has heard all about the legendary McGarrett moves and ops and stories. And that speaks of such a high respect Magnum has for Steve McGarrett that everything else just fades away. Magnum's respect and the honor he feels for being with Steve is real. There's this deep understanding that Steve's ready to accept at the end of the day. But only after Magnum has proved himself being worthy.

But I'm not there yet. Whoa, getting derailed so fast right from the start. So that's what I'm gonna write about most in this review: Steve and his attitude, the SEAL spirit and a bit about Magnum because he's the reason Steve acts the way he does. And I'll write about Danny, about the omnipresent, strong, gorgeous, leaving-visible-dents-in Steve's-emotional-armor presence of Danny energy. God, those references about Danny during the entire episode…I loved those! The way Steve's partner came up and was mentioned every now and then was just a blessing for my McDanno heart.

And Steve's response to Magnum's actions also speaks volumes about the relationship he has with Danny. I hope I can get it out the way I feel it. I hope, in the end, everything makes sense.

This episode is fun to watch, Steve and Magnum are all about Alpha moves, flexing muscles and showing off, trying to make an impression on the other man – in a very silent, kind of cautious, intelligent way, of course. Like the archaic animals, these men are deep inside, well-hidden. They must mark their territory. They need to check the other out before they even think about being appreciative of each other. At least, Steve acts this way. Magnum tries to wrap his mind around the fact that he's actually working a case with the human legend he's fanboying over for years, apparently.

I grew up with Tom Selleck as Magnum and his trademark, the mustache, the red Ferrari and his stupid tight blue jeans with the belt. Anyway, Magnum, in my inner world is a tree of a man, tall and super hairy and intimidating. Higgins is a whiny, rich, wobbly guy with two wonderful Doberman pinscher. And I just needed some time to get used to a smaller Magnum, with no hairy arms and legs and a female Higgins with an impressive, wonderful British accent. And even though the Magnum Pi guys did a great job, they didn't grow on me. I appreciate Magnum (the new one) for completely other reasons that have entirely to do with Steve and Danny.

Okay, we have the first encounter of the two teams. I have to emphasize another important observation and it's an ongoing feeling throughout the episode. The H50 team, the ohana bond and everything they talk about are so rich in colors, so vivid and alive and so full of honest feelings. That's how I get the vibes. Higgins and Magnum are nice…they are okay…but they didn't manage to leave an impression…and I'm sorry but I can't really make it work. Their banter seems stages, not really coming from inside and from a place of true fondness. It's…just not flowing. At least, not for me. No offense, but I can't make it work with Higgins and Magnum.

That said, seeing both teams meet just highlights the significant difference in the spirit everyone emanates. And all the H50 ohana breathes a huge amount of charisma and freaking great vibes. And I love that!

When the H50 team digests the information of Higgins who has been an ex-spy, Steve eyes her with a silent jolt in his behavior. He takes her in with that measured look and it just occurred to me that once again he's confronted with a special female species. Tough woman, working for an agency, has been a spy once and it reminds him instantly, alarmingly intense of two women who have played a significant role in his life: Steve's mother Doris and Catherine Rollins.

Steve mentions that he likes "this one", pointing to Higgins and he lets her talk but the moment that it's out she's an ex-spy Steve takes a step back inwardly and he gives her a quick all-over. That's a fascinating moment.

Magnum: "McGarrett, I know that name, you're a team guy, right? I was a team guy, too."

And Steve's answer to that, completely flabbergasted: "Is that right?" (Because what the hell?)

Steve deals with the second, silent emotional blow within a few seconds. He's not prepared to meet a former SEAL. And because Steve's bound to every SEAL with a code of honor it's literally visible how his mind works overtime to get things right in his head. This Hawaiian-shirt-wearing-bare-legged-sun-tanned guy is a former SEAL?? And Steve's anyway a bit pissed because he got an anonymous tip from a male voice leading him in the right direction. And now, he's been told that it's this guy. Steve's not fond of such moments. And he stays skeptical although his inner conviction doesn't allow him to be distant. SEALs are brothers, no matter what.

There's more!

Steve warms up to Magnum. He addresses him as, "and you Mr. Private investigator you come with me."

Steve's forceful Alpha move number one is to convince Magnum somehow to let him drive the Ferrari. Okay, here's what I think about that.

It's about ranks and pack order. it's about the high respect Magnum has for Steve and because he's a brother, one of the reasons why legends get written. It's because of guys like McGarrett that legends live on. Because McGarrett is a freaking hero! And Magnum has no problem with all of this. He doesn't need to inflate his ego by fighting Steve. In fact, he understands Steve, he feels his brother and he lets him drive, bowing to the force of nature that is Steve McGarrett. Magnum pays respect to this man and honors his service just by this move. I might exaggerate a bit but seriously, that's how I see it.

And just for the record, Steve…oh well, Steve needs a boost for his ego. He needs to show that he's the Alpha and that's he has a say in this. He needs to know he wrestled Magnum into submission and is kind of blockhead, too busy to enjoy the moment and that he made it behind the steering wheel. He's so smug and confident and almost combusts with all the joy and the arousal to have his hands on the steering wheel of this freaking, awesome Ferrari-stud! Jesus! I know he's hard while he stomps the gas! Come on, Steve, admit it!

And Magnum has the freaking nerve to mention Danny (your partner) and tells Steve right to his face that Danny doesn't do well with riding always in the passenger's seat. But Steve's glowing and the hidden smile shines through when he confirms in this classical, smug way that Danny's okay with him driving Danny's car. That's almost the cutest thing ever.

Steve, dude!

And then, Christ! The 'white knight' conversation happens. I try to summarize this. Steve reads. He reads books written by former SEALs, or about the experiences of former SEALs.

Steve: "Entertaining but unrealistic though. There's no way a character that cocky would ever, ever make it through BUD/s."

He's seriously impressed that Magnum knows the author of that said book. In fact, Robin the author is Magnum's boss. And it gets better. The 'wight knight' has left an impression on Steve. Steve admires this guy!! This cocky guy couldn't have made it through BUD/s, nu-huh, no freaking way!

Steve: "So, you're sayin' you're the white knight?"

Magnum: "Well, that's classified. But I will say that the lead character is based on a heroic, charismatic individual who will do anything to get the job done."

Guess, what? Robin has been embedded with Magnum's team for the research on this book. So, Magnum answers with Steve's favorite line - that's classified! Come on!!! That's totally Steve's mojo! And Steve's face! I can't even. He looks at Magnum and all of Steve screams what the fuck, man?

And it dawns on Steve that this cocky bastard he thinks would never, ever make it through BUD/s is in fact – Magnum! The realization…hilarious! Steve's brain shifts into gear and he can hardly believe what he's just discovered.

Steve, with a soft smile: "…I might be in the presence of greatness right now."

Then, that scene where Magnum picks the lock with his tools and Steve watches. Steve plays the correct cop who seems to follow the rules. He lets Magnum open the door though, causing a crime but the important detail is the fact that Steve points to the badge to emphasize he can't break the rules.

I remember a scene where Steve and Danny stand in front of a closed door and Danny thinks about how to get in while Steve just kicks down the door. Danny yells at him and calls him 'a Neanderthal animal' but follows him regardless of what Steve just did. Steve loves to get Danny's attention no matter how this happens. Ranting always means caring and Steve bathes in Danny's way of caring.

Magnum finds the documents hidden under the fridge. Steve makes it up to him with his compliment. "Nice found!" only to pull the next Alpha move of hastily reading the documents written in Chinese, completely ignoring Magnum.

And that scene where Magnum disarms Steve, dislodging the clip of his gun because the perp told him so. That's also a great moment, revealing what Danny has known for a long time. Steve has feelings for his gun. Magnum does as he's been told and pulls the gun from the holster. Steve's senses are on high alert and he sells out Magnum to the perp. Steve searches for a way out, but his real concerns are on his weapon. The way the sheer disbelief shows on his face when Magnum carelessly throws his gun into the bushes almost hurts and makes me laugh at the same time. Steve can't believe how disrespectful Magnum treats his gun! That's such a great moment.

Steve's excitement about driving a Ferrari is infectious. I'm sensing Alex' and Chi's personality seeping through their characters of Steve and Lou when they whisper conspiratorially about how it feels to drive a Ferrari. There's so much passion, breathlessness, and this male want and I love that short, intense moment so much.

The other, sweet glimpse of how Steve feels about Danny comes next. The team watches Magnum and Higgins bicker (I'm not fond of that bickering, too staged, too little heart and honesty in it, doesn't catch my attention) but anyway, the team exchanges funny looks, and Lou asks if they are reminded of anyone by watching the argument of the other two. Steve doesn't even bat an eye, and no one can draw a breath and his reply follows like a shot.

Steve: "Danny and I aren't like that."

Steve instantly catches on who his ohana talks about. He denies everything about what they are teasing about. Steve utters his comment on the topic with a finale tone, like anything about him and Danny bickering is non-negotiable. His arms are crossed over his chest and his stance is wide and solid, unmovable. No one touches Danny! Forbidden territory. Period. And I love that moment, it doesn't even last three seconds but it talks volumes how Steve feels about Danny.

Now, let's talk also about this epic scene in the car when Steve gets a ride by Magnum's team.

Steve: "I would've called my people, but Magnum insisted on calling you guys."

Magnum wanted his team to meet this legend, Steve McGarrett because he knows how much this would mean to his guys! That's so cute and sweet and lovely and really, really kind and deep. I have feelings about this, Magnum genuinely admires Steve, being a SEAL with every fiber of his body and soul. Heaven help!

And before Magnum's team can catch up Magnum has a little chit-chat on his own with Steve and about being a SEAL and about…so much for "no man left behind". Again, some arm-wrestling to prove who's stronger but there's no heat behind that argument more like old buddies catching up.

And then…ohmygod!! TC is my hero! TC says one of the most epic sentences ever in this episode! I'm still reeling from those words. They are super great, sweet Jesus!

TC: "I'm sorry, but I got to ask. There's this SEAL named McGarrett that we always used to hear about. Fought in Operation Avalanche and the Battle of Garmsir. He also led the team that rescued those hostages in Karachi."

THAT'S PURE ADMIRATION RIGHT THERE!! Not only does this mean that Magnum has been gushing about McGarrett all the time because he's so fond of this guy and full of admiration, no, it also shows us what kind of hero Steve is. But SEALs don't talk about their work. They just get the job done and move on. They work in the shadows.

But Steve answers that kind of question…like:

Steve: "Yeah, yeah, that was me."

I mean…*LE GASP*!! WHAT?? How can he just give such a flat-out super direct answer and admitting every-fucking-thing?? I was like…BACKPADDLE! I CAN'T KEEP UP WITH WHAT JUST HAPPENED!

I mean. Whoa! From all the moments Danny has been asking Steve questions about his work in the Navy and as a SEAL there was always the same answer is given by Steve: "I neither can confirm nor deny it." Or my favorite one: "This is classified." And those answers always drove Danny up the wall and into more ranting.

Do you remember the time where the H50 team was allowed to join the operation room from an active SEAL operation? They helped to solve a case where a drug lord (I guess) was involved and they could watch the last op where a SEAL team took out the targets and killed all the tangos. So, and there was Danny asking Steve inappropriate questions about "Operation Strawberry field"…he was making fun of Steve in an odd Danny way. Joe White was quite fed up with Danny's attitude and he glared at him to get him to shut up. Steve seemed really a bit ashamed of Danny's disrespectful behavior.

Anyway, when Danny saw the live feed on how the SEAL team breached the house and how they were killing with precision and a tough skill set every target on place he suddenly went all quiet. He whispered to Steve: "You did that too?" with a tight voice. But Steve only said that he could neither confirm nor deny this question.

The realization of Steve's assigned task as a SEAL hits Danny like being clocked with a brick. But anyway, Danny has never admired Steve's SEAL career in an open way because he knew already then, that Steve's ego is about as big as Texas anyway. But that moment had an impact on Danny and he started to get the big picture.

Okay, let's go back to Steve's answer: Yeah, yeah, that was me. Maybe he said that because he still feels a bit intimidated and surprised by sitting next to the 'white knight'.

The way Steve's answered TC kind of caught me off guard. He's admitting so openly that he was the one leading those operations and he kind of enjoys the admiration (he soaks it up like a dry sponge…to be honest). He really loves being the center of the attention and that's a new one. It's touching how much TC and Rick are really into Steve and his way of being a real hero.

And then TC goes for the kill: "Man, do you realize this is the same cat that took out Anton and Victor, Hess?"

Hello?? TC addresses Steve as 'the same cat'…God! This is highly seductive and hot…as in stealthy, lethal, super primal jungle cat…I mean, what the hell, TC?

The guys are not finished yet.

TC: "This dude is a legit legend."

And here comes Rick: "You know, and I'm glad you brought it up because I-I just want to say, sir, it's an honor." (and he turns to look at Steve.)

Steve: "Thanks, bud."

TC: "We are in the presence of greatness."

(I'm so dead! This is so emotional and I love TC and Rick and Magnum, too because they are pure bliss for Steve's soul and heart.)

And it's not finished yet! There's this last scene where Steve thanks Magnum for working with him on the case. Steve had fun.

Magnum sees Joe White's picture on the wall and they talk about Joe. Steve is moved and there's a short flare of pain but the bonding happens over the fact that Magnum also knew Joe as one of the best instructors ever. And not only is Steve a legend but also in Magnum's eyes, he's also been close to Joe White. Magnum is a decent guy. There's no jealousy coming off of Magnum, only camaraderie and the joy to have gotten to know another brother. And I really love that about him.

I really appreciate the fact that Magnum offers Steve in a nice way to sit down and to talk. Let's grab a beer some time, referring to them as 'us team guys got to stick together' and Steve says 'yes' and not only that.

Steve: "Maybe you can bring those boys along. They're good for the ego."

And Steve shows Magnum the long-overdue respect by calling him the White Knight and telling him his secret is safe with him. Seriously, what a pile of emotions.

And that's such a sweet, honest thing to say and it's Steve who admits it. I just love this scene. And all these moments are also soaked with Danny's energy. First, Magnum wants to meet Steve's partner. Danny's kind of legend too, I guess. Who could keep up with the legit legend Steve McGarrett? This must be one of a kind. And Danny knew Joe White. Danny has been there when Steve just quit the SEALs to start Five-O. He has been with Steve all the time. Danny has helped him to adjust, to find his footing after being in the Navy for years.

And Danny has never been openly impressed by Steve's crazy. He always calls him out on his recklessness. He gives Steve a hard time and rants at him and tries to talk some sense into him. Danny has an unmatched backbone like no other and Steve admires that with all he's got.

And, of course, Steve wants to drag Danny along when they'll have that beer because he doesn't want to miss out on any of Danny's reactions when TC and Rick are all over Steve and fanboying like there's no tomorrow. What a show!

Okay, let's sum it up – it was a great episode with tons of hidden treasure I tried to dig up a bit. The last scenes are great, too. I love that Tani gives Junior a call and asks him out on a date. June sweet eye-widening speaks a silent, strong language and then…THAT CLIFFHANGER!! Oh god!!

Guys, that's it. I have nothing more to add only to emphasize how much secrets I've gotten to discover due to Magnum's attitude to treat Steve the way he did. And through Magnum Steve reveals a lot about how he feels about Danny and much more.

10.12 – another great episode.

Fin

#steve mcgarrett #h50 #h50edit #danny williams #mcdanno #meta #review #10.12 #review on 10.12 #my edit #episode meta #steve meta #cowandcalf muses #it's so freaking long #i can't help it #it makes sense to me #i hope it makes sense to you

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vomiting-out-words · 6 years

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Boyfriend’s Background Commentary - The Twilight Saga Part Uno

Movie: Twilight

Director: Catherine Hardwicke

Cinematography: Elliot Davis

Budget: 37 million USD

Release Date: November 21, 2008 (Canada)

Watched: August 21st, 2018

Boyfriend: @shiftaria

Part Uno - Part Dos - Part Tres - Part Cuatro - Part Cinco

With very little convincing, I managed to get my boyfriend to watch Twilight, about 10 years later. After all, he’s never read the books or really seen the movies, so, I thought it was about time. Having read and watched the sage myself over the years, I have this entire series implanted in my head, since I am that lame, so, to watch this with someone with fresh eyes is about to be very interesting.

Now this is the first movie, and like these movies, they try to start off like the book, and it’s pretty cool like the visual was welcoming, yet, the lighting was rather bright. With the brightness being as such, it makes this seem like such a fantasy world when it’s really just a teen romance.

Just a heads up, we’ve attempted watching this a while back and never finished. This is attempt number two.

Anyways, we get introduced to Bella Swan, who is off to live with her father that is pretty on the other side of the country, because she doesn’t want to travel around with her mother and Phil; Bella’s mother’s new husband. So, off to one of the rainiest places in the world. Which can totally be relatable, because so do Shifter and myself live literally in one of the rainiest parts of the world, literally twelve hours away from Forks.

We know a total of four characters, two of which don’t even make any kind of impact to the plot. Now, we are introduced to two more; Jacob Black; who made mud pies with Bella when they were little, and Jacob’s father; Billy Black, Charlie Swan’s best friend. We are then introduced to Bella’s lovely truck that can take a beating, which was rebuilt by Jacob. Bella does the lovely thing by hitting Jacob with the door as thank you.

First day at a new school, where all the guys just want to fuck her. Making friends with Mike, Jessica, Eric, and Angela, though Angela would be the only one that could even be called a friend, then besides Jacob (at least at the moment).

PA Announcement from Shifter: lots of three point mid-length shots, ei: a longer shot that has three different framings with two cameras moved that are transitioned between on an action beat.

This moment now is to lunch, where the Cullen’s are introduced. All of which come walking in white, then he comes Edward; dressed in black. I agree with Shifter that this was very in your face visual metaphor about Edward being the black sheep of the Cullen family. Also, another point that Shifter had pointed out, they don’t focus on it either. Like movies are either blunt about the metaphor or more in the person’s face, this movie is kind of pulling a middle ground, which is apparently throwing Shifter kind of off. Now for me, Edward just makes the scene awkward with staring, borderline glaring.

Back to class, which I now think is Biology. And shoot to Edward with wings behind his head, that once again is a shot at a metaphor. Back to Bella, who is standing in front of a fan, blowing her wonderful scent towards Edward. Jump to Edward very much overreacting. Now, this is where my wonderful boyfriend comments on their acting. This short story of it all is high school students putting on a play with a poorly written script, so their acting is either stiff or overacting.

We now get Buttcrack Santa and Bella getting really awkward with people because she hasn’t really been to Forks in a really long time. Now, I mentioned really shitty lighting with this movie. Thanks to Shifter he made a really good point. The scenes are really graded blue to give the feeling that it was at the risk of raining at any point. Like it’s fitting for the movie but the only issue was, it made the movie too fantasy-like.

Nice Edward, he apologizes for not talking to her when she sat next to him when she first arrived. It’s all way too strange, to begin with. He tries to be nice, only, Bella almost gets killed later that day, risking Edward and his family to be found out just because he went to save her. Back to being old and mean Edward. At least Alice tried to be nice to her. These scenes are just Edward mood whiplash. And she tries to invite him down to La Push as well, to be nice. Bella gets teased, and finds about the ‘Cold Ones’. Now we’re watching a Canadian History documentary, not that it wasn’t appreciated.

If Dr.Cullen might be a matchmaker, but Bella is a good friend and matchmaker herself for her friends. And she goes out of her way to do some serious research on something that shouldn’t be real, yet it’s very much is. Which leads to a very interesting way that might as well equal to coming out. But it was a rather good exchange.

Shifter finds that entire scene good, mainly because of the information dump that was given to him. Like the vampire camouflage, and the white, diamond skin. He was watching the movie with interest. Bella was asking questions, which was really good. The only line that made us cringe, was about Bella being Edward’s own brand of heroin.

Now with the movie slowing down a bit, Bella actually went out of her way for the Cullen’s to not worry about her. She gets a look into Edward’s life, through a music video with a beautiful piano, which goes to Charlie meeting Edward.

Que Charlie’s badass acting skills, especially with a shotgun. Very threatening, and very clever. Edward being very polite and say your daughter is going off the play baseball. Now, if Edward only had told us what Charlie was thinking at that moment.

Baseball! In a thunderstorm! For what reason!? To hide them making a loud boom when the ball hits the bat. Kind of surprised that nothing broke while they were playing since super strength is a thing. Like this scene was another music video, just a bit more fun than it was previously with the piano music. Really shows the family, but it’s a subplot that comes out of nowhere, yet this was pulled from the book since it’s the way to introduce our first three baddies of the series.

Thank god for Alice’s vision because they could have gotten Bella killed. Now, this is where I kind of get salty. They totally had time to get Bella out of there, just put her in the jeep and go, it would have saved like the last 30 minutes of the movie from being a fucking mess of unnecessary drama and Bella wouldn’t have to be mean to Charlie just to keep him safe.

Off to Arizona, Bella goes with Jasper and Alice, kind of putting Bella’s mom at risk. Why are they coming into a hotel during the day in Arizona? No clue, but let’s hope they don’t get found out. Just chill in a room with two vampires until your vampire boyfriend calls to let you know that you both need to disappear for a while. Now, to maybe an hour later, another phone call, but not any phone call, mom is worried about you, only to be a trap. Also, I’m honestly not surprised that Victoria got Bella’s information for James. They’re vampires, pretty easy to figure out a way to hack into a computer or something.

We all know that Bella is a complete idiot, so, she just goes alone, leaving no note or anything for the Cullen’s. Back to her old ballet studio, with glass everywhere, doesn’t that scream very bad things are about to happen. Oh, and smart on James for using a recording to bring Bella to him. Yet, dumb on Bella to use pepper spray, like what is that to do on a vampire?

Bella gets thrown across the floor, head bashing into a corner, and yes, she starts bleeding. Bring in sadistic James, who has a video camera, filming all of this, along with whatever thought told him to break Bella’s leg at that moment. Oh where, oh where is Edward? Oh, he finally arrived, but alone, and Bella is very much hurt. How hasn’t she passed out from her leg being broken is beyond me. Edward tried to get them away, but James has Edward back into a fight. James has the upper hand, Edward is too frantic with concern over Bella and the fact that her scent is filling the air due to the blood, giving James the chance to bite her.

Back to music video mode with inner monologue, and probably a seizure warning. Like I mentioned before, this entire part could have not happened if Edward and Bella just left the field, but whatever. Finally, after all of that, we get Bella frantic in a hospital room due to Edward saying that they shouldn’t be together. Kind of disappointed that we didn’t get to see Bella apologize to Charlie about all of this, it would have been nice to see since Charlie is kind of a huge part of the series, more so than Bella’s mom (I honestly can’t remember her name and way too lazy to even google it).

Father judging Edward scene, it’s very obvious that Charlie doesn’t trust Edward that much anymore for getting his daughter hurt and “hurting” her. But Bella is in a very beautiful dress, even if she’s in a cast. With words from Shifter, I would have to agree they dragged out the ending here a little much, but my main issue was why didn’t they have this nice lighting for the entire movie? It was soft and much more realistic in my opinion.

All in all, it was a good start to this review. Hopefully, I can get the next one out as soon as possible, because I can see this taking off somewhere.

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margsld · 7 years

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Outlander Epi 3.05 Recap

Freedom & Whisky are my kind of Saturday night

All that was good, all that was fair, all that was me is gone. Gone to grab a big box of tissues. Be right back.

Without a doubt, I feel the execution of this episode was complete perfection. Written by the genius that is Toni Graphia, she leads us willingly on the journey with Claire, as she makes the biggest decision of her life. Enjoy!

Boston, December 1968. Squeamish people needed to be putting the kids to bed at this point as Joe and Claire battle like the surgical gods they are, to save some poor lady from an early grave. Nasty necrosis (dead tissue).

Bree's teacher is being poetic about Paul Revere which should have the students transfixed, right? *cough Bree looks bored out of her tiny mind. She's doodling gothic archways which is totally believable right? I mean forget hearts with "I Love Plaid" or " BR + RW 4Eva" no, Bree is all about the arches. As they break for Christmas, Professor Nosey pulls Bree aside and wants to know why she's suddenly flunking her grades. Bree is typically reluctant to spill the beans and even after he drops the old " your Dad told me to keep an eye on you creepy sentiment" Bree remains schtumm. Go Bree!

Bree is missing Frank. Word! We all miss that chocolate voiced, vision of turtle-necked creases too, Hen. His chair, his pipe, the pictures of him with baby Bree pulls on the heartstrings like a marionette puppet doing Zumba.

Claire is also reminiscing about her husband, no not Frank, the other one, the hot Scot. Joe, who has a radar for all things Claire, asks her 'sup'? She confesses she had a Highland Fling but fate stepped in. Joe states "F*ck fate" as he senses there is more to this juicy story & hopes Claire's willing to dish but her shift is over ie she really doesn't want to talk about it. Yet.

Roger, on the quest of intercontinental pastry research, turns up at Claire & Bree's house unannounced. No time for biscuits Roger, Bree is wanting to move out and leave Harvard. Caught in the crossfire, Roger watches on as Bree yells at her Mum that she just needs a break. She's not the same person as she was before Scotland and needs time to deal with it. Check under her bed for fronds of Heather, plaid stockpiles and empty Whisky bottles Claire!!

Claire ignores the glaring warning signs and just starts drinking away her fears. She insists Roger stays and they bond over more beverages. Roger is great. He's Claire's puppy- loyal, friendly and always turning up with a bone. That said, Roger is really an historian and took it upon himself to keep looking for Jamie, when Claire & Bree left Scotland (I'm sure the idea of winning Bree's exclusivity never crossed his mind *cough) . Anyway, Gingo! He found him. Turns out Mr Fraser aka Claire's baby daddy was still alive and was operating a printshop in Edinburgh.

Claire didn't exactly jump for joy at the news and I'm sure Roger was suddenly wondering if Fiona was baking. She makes a mean chocolate chip bikky. Plus, he'd have a saner life than with these Randall cray crays. In the end though, Claire didn't think she could up & leave Bree, especially now she was exhibiting serious mental instability. She forbade further discussion about his findings.

Back at the hospital Joe is decorating his office for Halloween which is a bit late as it's now Christmas, silly. His desk is a display of bones his anthropologist mate sent him, to give an opinion on possible cause of death. Claire picks up the skull and shudders. She 'feels' the bones belong to a 150 year old murder victim. Joe says the 200 year old bones were found in a cave in the Caribbean and somebody tried to 'cut her head clean off'. What was most intriguing was the bones were from a white lady. *storing that for later episodes.

Joe's also keen to hear more about Lady Jane's hot Scottish fling, the pervert. Claire finally confesses said Scot is Bree's real father and Bree had just found out. Joe stupidly asks if she still loves him (Duh!) and Claire says she never stopped (Double Duh!). As Joe has watched her live like a nun for 15 years then she should get back on the horse or under that kilt, quick smart.

Boston TV has sucked Roger in and when Bree pops by, he's engrossed. She apologises for being a cow and he lets it slide. He's a simple lad who came for an Amercian Christmas. You know with those well known American traditions at Christmas like lobster rolls and Boston cream pies. Bree must think he's getting fat though as she just offers him a drink and a walk around Harvard.

At Harvard, Bree is fascinated with the architecture again and Roger tries to help her deal with dead and/or unknown fathers just like he did. Bree is obviously not a fan of any kind of history now and wants a better grasp of just the plain facts, so she can know who she really is.

While at Harvard, they attend a Fellowship ceremony in Frank's honour. Claire, Bree & Roger turn up for the snazzy company & biscuits. At Harvard, Frank was known for his research in the field of European Studies, in particular the rise and fall of European dynasties in the early modern period thus cementing him as a leading historian on both sides of the Atlantic. Interesting indeed. What did Frank really know? Hmmm? He better have left some notes!

Claire is unwittingly introduced to Sandy, Candy or Mandy (Frank's mistress) who takes the opportunity to have a pissing competition with Claire. She also has a go at Claire for not letting Frank go, so she and Frank could have been happy. SCMandy has a good point. Instead, Claire forced them all to live a lie for 20 years. We'd give anything to have just one more scene with the big lug too, SCMandy (insert group hug) *sob

Bree knows about SCMandy too and makes Claire face the truth. Claire confesses he loved the hoor and was going to get hitched to her. Bree being the child she is, thinks it's all about her. Claire sets her straight though and said Frank idolised her, as did she. So snap out of the pity-party, you little ginger nut.

Claire decides to take that opportunity to show Bree the bone/printing article that Roger found. Bree seems thrilled with the news and says Claire should go to Jamie now. Claire says she can't leave Bree, she's needed. No! Bree's wearing her big girl panties now, so off you shoo Claire, get those cobwebs cleared.

Claire still mulls it over and after seeing the Moon landing, discusses the possibility of going through the stones and what that would mean to both her and Bree. Bree knows it won't be easy without Claire and in discovering more about herself, wants Claire to go and tell Jamie everything. Claire gave Jamie up for Bree and now Bree wants to give him back to Claire. Whew. Cancel the white truck & straight jacket. Bree will be ok. Yayyy!

Claire, now resigned to leaving Bree & like any woman who faces meeting her first love after 20 years apart, wants to know if she still puts the Sass in Sassenach. She asks her BFF Joe if he thinks she's still sexually attractive. He happily declares that "for a skinny white broad, with too much hair and a nice arse, Jamie will be in heaven". #AlwaysTakeAJoe

Preparations for Claire's departure soon take precedence and lucky it's Christmas. Claire now has ye olde coins for Edinburgh, a book on Scottish history and a topaz necklace to help her on her way. She's also pilfered scalpels and penicillin from the Hospital because 18th century hygiene.

With so much stuff to carry, Claire gets out her trusty Singer for a sewing fest. She's a practical Dr McGyver and remembers all too well how shitty weather was back then. Roger points out she needs a utility belt like Batman's. They cleverly roll the Batman theme tune here (flashback to my childhood) as Claire is creating her super, weather-proofed, highland frock that would make RM Williams envious (inventor of the Drizabone). No bumroll needed, it looks like she could carry the kitchen sink in there. BAT-MAAAAN!

Oprah would have been proud of the mini makeover Claire gives herself and with a quick home dye job she's ready to leap at some rocks! Bree and Roger give her the green light and admire the bat suit. Claire is still being twitchy about it but Bree says Jamie will love it. Claire doesn't escape taking one last white item, a shirt of Bree's. Lucky she's only borrowing it Bree! *she'll never see that again.

Not being a completely horrid parent, Claire hands over the house deed and bank accounts to Bree. She decides to go to Scotland on her own so that her trip through the stones is peaceful. If Bree was with her, she'd never go. Bree tells Claire to give Jamie a kiss from her. As a final gesture, Claire gives Bree the Scottish pearls that she got from Jamie on their wedding night. They give a final toast to Freedom & Whisky. Slainte!

Claire struggles to the taxi, hesistating and taking one last look back at Bree and Roger in the window. *pass the tissues please

Bree seeks comfort with Roger and he's glad he made the trip. She goes to the kitchen to gather her composure and returns with a Santa hat on, a Christmassy smile and some treats for Roger. In return he gives her A Christmas Carol novel. They share a kiss. Awwwww!

Claire's journey through the stones is not shown in this episode which is fine as the next five minutes of tv was everything we book fans had been waiting a vera long time for. She arrives by metaphor, stepping into a puddle (an opening into a fathomless space aka the great unknown) as she exits the stage coach from Inverness in downtown, thriving Edinburgh.

After asking a local for directions to the Printshop, where Jamie was hopefully working, Claire heads to Carfax Close. Her hesitation is palpable. What if he's not there? What if it's not him? She spots the Print shop sign and is visibly relieved at the sight of it. It's beginning to look a lot like Gingermas!

Making her way up the stairs as if they are about to collapse, she pauses at the front door. We are all shouting "Get in there before we burst" and she moves forward. (I held my breath at this point.) Inside the shop, the doorbell warns of her entrance. A big, Scottish, man-voice pipes up from the back room "Is that you, Geordie?". Claire instantly recognises the dulcet tones of a Fraser and heads to the workroom window. Down below, we see Jamie examining some printing, rabbiting to himself/Geordie. Meanwhile, Claire is trying not to self-combust with Squeee. She manages to squeak out "It isn't Geordie, it's me..... Claire" as Jamie slowly turns in disbelief. Eye contact! We have eye contact! Claire is grinning/crying happy tears. We, the audience are sobbing with utter delight (yes, read the books, wait many years and then watch this episode). Jamie grabs the table for support and fails. Fainting to the floor like a wet rag soaked in whisky.

The End. PS We have to wait for two whole weeks for the next episode.

Send Whisky!

#Outlander recaps ANZOFs

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grapsandclaps · 7 years

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Ladies and Gentleman, my name is not @oggypart3, and I do not have the (greatest) Clap (in the business)...but I am @KingGazOfMadine (I am not Raymond Rowe) and I am here to bring you a round up of show Number 55.5 in #the80ShowYear (Andy's show number 55.5 by the way. I'm only on 34)

PROGRESS Chapter 52: Vote Pies was a show that was originally not on the Wrestling Schedule for us Manchester fans, so 4/5 of British Wrong Style (Andy / Geoff Ogden, Chris Linay and Ben Corrigan) along with top Pigeon Fan Shauna Askew made the decision to book tickets to go and see Tidal Wrestling, across the penines in Leeds (You can read Andy's review of that show right here, at Graps and Claps *cheap pop*) and therefore once the show was announced, had to miss the event. For me personally, I've never been to a Tidal show or watched any of their shows, and had made the decision to take a weekend off until the PROGRESS announcement, so I was all in for this event. Must admit, it was a bit odd to be at a show without the others. I think of all the shows I've been to this year, only ATTACK in Cardiff I've done without any combination of Andy / Geoff / Shauna / Chris / Ben

Now then, unlike Andy, I did not make an early start for this show to take in some fine ales beforehand. No, my decision was to stay at home and watch Day 5 of the 27th annual G1 tournament in New Japan (should point out here, Tesco had a cracking deal on 6 cans of Dr Pepper for £1.77 which I had picked up the day before, so my choice of drink for the G1 was Dr Pepper coming in at approximately 30p per can. We may be living in Tory Britain, but you can still find a bargain when you try), and then jump on the #GrapsBus at around 1pm for a show thats doors opened at 1.30pm. I arrived in town a little before 2pm and did have time to meet up with t-shirt designer to the stars and future wrestling superstar (HOWAY) Jimmy Nailz at the regular Wetherspoons on Oxford Road. £1.99 for a large Lemonade, and I was good to go and ready for the show, but not before conversations on whether soup should be classed as an actual meal or not, and apparently certain sectors of Mormons aren't allowed hot drinks. Not because of caffeine (which apparently some Mormons are not allowed) but just because of the temperature. So like, they can have a cup of coffee / tea but only after it's cooled down. Please don't take this as fact and quote me on this, but that was what I learned yesterday and have done 0 research into it's validity, but will pass it off as legit if ever needed.

On to the show. Before the regular Darth Vader / Drake intro, we were told over the microphone there would be one last song before this, which was a Linkin Park track, dedicated to Chester Bennington who had unfortunately passed away a few days prior to this. Following this, we got the regular Jim Smallman intro (Hiya - We Sold Out - It's Your Round - 7 matches, 4 in the first half, 3 in the second) but were then introduced to a fan that had apparently made a bet with Jim that the Manchester show wouldn't sell out as quick as usual (Odd bet to make?) and because Jim had lost (Who bets against their own team!?) said fan was allowed in the ring to have his photo taken with Jim (This is an odd bet to make. Just go and ask Jim for a photo before the show starts when he's walking around the ring. He's a nice chap and will more than likely say "Yes") at which point Jim asks said fans girlfriend to come into the ring to take the photo. Jim and fan prepare for photo, fans missus gets camera out...BUT WAIT...the fan is down on one knee and has pulled an engagement ring outta nowhere (Ok, that's why this all seemed so ridiculous...Jim didn't bet against his own company!!!) and he's asked his missus to marry him. She's in a wrestling ring, with 700 of us watching, she literally has no chance of saying No, and thus she says....YES!!!! Cheers aplenty, now get out of the ring and enjoy the first 3 hours of your engagement surrounded by people who want to call Zach Gibson a Scouse Bastard.

Should also note here that the ring looked a bit low, and as we were discussing this, it was pointed out that T-Bone was on the show, and this was in fact T-Bone's ring (more to this later). Plus, pint of Lemonade here at the venue was £3.50. Not sure what kind of Lemonade they have at The Ritz for it to cost an extra £1.51 over Wetherspoons Lemonade, but it didn't taste that much better. That's Tory Britain for you (Cheers Andy)

Now to the wrestling....or is it...? Turns out there are balloons in the ring, and some "Happy Birthday" signs up, and out first is El Ligero, with 2 birthday hats hanging from his horns. Turns out it's Dave Mastiff's birthday, and as he still doesn't have any entrance music (or at least not any that can be shown on the WWE Network, for just £9.99 a month), the Bastard comes out to 700 of us singing Happy Birthday (no trombone this time Andy, sorry about that). Out come their opponents for the night Extra Talent(ed) and the super over, merchandise machines #CCK We get the introductions out of the way, and then it turns out one of the Extra Talent(ed) lads has a birthday card for Mastiff. Jim reads it out as "Dear Dave, Happy Birthday, from Jeff Jarrett and everyone at ITV Wrestling" at which point Mastiff cleans house with German Suplexes aplenty, including German Suplexing Kid Lykos over the top rope into Chris Brookes and the Extra Talent(ed) lads. This 3 way Tag Match included a grand total of 0 tags, and was just all action from start to finish, but included a few botched moments including Lykos pulling down the top rope for one of the Extra Talent(ed) lads to go over, only for him to still fall out of the ring between the top and middle rope, and the same lad receiving the Brookes assisted Code-Breaker, and then not staying in place for Brookes to senton him...but Brookes did it anyway coz he's Chris fuckin Brookes and he can do what he wants. Talking of which, Chris Brookes hit a knee on one of the Extra Talent(ed) lads and a kick on the other, in totally seperate moments, and both of them made me think that Extra Talent(ed) maybe owe him money or something. The ending happened, not entirely sure what happened, but #CCK won, Roberts called for the bell and said he'd counted 3, the bell never came, Jim's mic was turned off so he couldn't announce the winners, and some people were trying to continue the match. Not sure what was supposed to happen, but #CCK got the win, and then Chris Brookes said they didn't want a win like that, and challenged Extra Talent(ed) to another match next week in Camden. Kid Lykos got the mic and was ready to tell them what he thought, but Brookes took the mic off him and told him to "Shut the fuck up Lykos"

Next up we had Mike Bird vs T-Bone in some big lads wrestling. Big Lads as in guys who actually weigh over the weight limit for the Atlas title and not David Starr or Fred Yehi. Talking of David Starr, question for you. If David Starr wins a match, and neither me or Andy sees this match, did David Starr still win a match? For me, it's a no, and old Canvasback Dave remains winless. Anyway, Bird and Bone started off quite tasty with them getting in each others face during the intros, and then a bit of pushing and shoving until T-Bone gave Bird a lovely looking headbutt. This was standard 2 big lads beating each other up, but the crowd was a bit quiet for it. Most local fans obviously know T-Bone from the likes of FutureShock, PCW and GPW and were getting behind him, and there was the odd Ginger Jesus chant too, but I don't know if it was the awkward finish of the last match, but the crowd weren't too into this one. I even tried to get an Ogden special clap going but that died on it's arse. T-Bone ended up the victor, and personally, I'm hoping we get a T-Bone vs Walter match for the Atlas title at some point. T-Bone did only lose 1 match during the Atlas Division series, and that just happened to be a Semi-Final match unfortunately.

Toni Storm was up next defending the PROGRESS Womens title against Laura Di Matteo. Again, this seemed to start with quite a flat crowd, but we were treated to a decent match that finally woke the crowd up and got everyone going. There was quite some chanting on behalf of Laura Di Matteo, which is quite surprising really. One, becuase Toni Storm is absolutely ace, and two, because Laura Di Matteo is obviosuly very talented in the ring, but post-Jinny feud (is that feud actually over?) there really isn't anything there with Laura Di Matteo to care about, other than the fact she's one of the ones who come up from the ProJo. She just doesn't seem to connect, and I'd happily listen to any of her fans to tell me what it is that makes them get behind her. Cracking match though between these 2, and Toni got the win following her Piledriver she's been using lately. Laura was visibly in tears outside the ring afterwards, not sure if that's gonna set up a storyline or something with her?

Onto the first half Main Event, which was 2 blokes I've heard of vaguely recently. Travis Banks vs Matthew Riddle. 2 of the absolute best right now, and these 2 did not disappoint. Riddle came out first, cool as fuck as always, and then Trav came out second and he was ready to scrap, getting right in Riddles face before the intros had even begun. These 2 chopped, kicked and suplexed each other like there was no tomorrow. Thought Riddle would still be recovering his chest after what Walter did to him in Birmingham, but nope, there were chops a plenty. I can imagine these 2 having a much better match than the one they put on here, but this was still a really good match and one to look out for on Demand. At one point it was like watching Kane vs Undertaker at Wrestlemania, when Matt Riddle kicked out of a "Tombstone" at 1, grabbed Travis, hit him with a jumping "Tombstone" at which point Trav kicked out at 2. Had to point out here that moves where you get dropped on your head are a lot less effective in 2017 than moves where you have to slap your knee for effect. However, neither Travs or Riddles tombstones actually drop the opponent on their head, therefore making them even less effective. Finish to this match came when Pete Dunne made an appearance on the rampway to distract Trav, and Riddle managed to hit Banks with a jumping knee when he returned his focus to the match, but was at this point out for the count.

Half time break, and due to arriving at the venue late, this was the perfect time to pick up that sweet new #CCK merch. Turns out I could now go 6 of the 7 days of the week wearing a different #CCK / Chris Brookes t-shirt. #CCK literally becoming the UK Young Bucks.

Second half of the show brought us a 4 way match between No Fun Chief Deputy Dunne, Scouse Bastard Zach Gibson, Ben's Favourite Chuck Mambo and Shauna's Number 1 Heel Jack Sexsmith. Match started with introductions for Sexsmith and Mambo, only for Chief Deputy Dunne to take over microphone duties and inform us that as long as we don't have fun, we won't get hurt. Gibson took the microphone from Dunne here though, and did his usual schtick, ending with how he is the Premier Wrestling talent in England, and he's in a match with a surfer, a policeman and an absolute joke. This was a fun 4 way, nothing to really shout about, but still enjoyable. Sexsmith picked up the win with a cheekly roll up on Gibson, meaning Sexsmith has beaten Gibson here and at Super Strong Style now.

Next up was PROGRESS Champion Pete Dunne going against Eddie Dennis, who has got himself some new shorts to go with his full time schedule. I liked them personally. As for the match, this was an absolute cracker of a match. The longer it went on, the better it got, and I started to get the impression that maybe Pete Dunne would lose via DQ, therefore having to defend his title agsinst Eddie in a second match. Unfortunately, it did not go this way. Eddie had Pete Dunne pinned for the 3 count following the NEXT STOP DRIVER!!!!! but unfortunately Joel was down at this point and did not make the count. Peter rolled out the ring, and as Eddie followed him got blasted by Peter's Sledgehammer (I thought these were only kept under WWE rings...?) rolled back into the ring, Pedigree and then The Bitter End, for Peter to pick up the win. Talking point here though was Eddie Dennis looking absolutely phenomenal. He's always been good when I've seen him, but having recently gone full time, he's got a lot more serious and looks a lot better for it.

Main Event time gave us British Strong Styles Tyler Bate and Trent Seven defending their PROGRESS Tag Team titles against current IWGP Heavyweight Tag Champions, War Machine (I am in no way related to Raymond Rowe by the way). Following the introductions, Jim declared that he was making this match a Tornado Tag Rules match. If you've never seen War Machine wrestle in PROGRESS before, then you were in for a treat without knowing it, however if you have seen War Machine in PROGRESS before, then you knew this was gonna be awesome...and it was. Match started with War Machine offering the code of honor handshake, BSS doing the Triple H, but turning and spitting it in War Machines eyes and then mockingly shaking their opponents hands, only for War Machine to hold on, and beat the piss out of the 2 of them. This match was everything you'd expect from a War Machine match. Don't think it was as good as the London Riots match from Birmingham a few weeks ago, but still a cracker and up there as Match of the Night for this show. They wrecked the joint throwing their opponents into the ringside chairs, along with being thrown themselves. At one point Tyler Bate and Ray Rowe were wrestling in the crowd right next to us. Tyler hit Rowe, and then proceded to do his best Karate stance and declared himself Bruce Lee. If you want to see the video of this, look up Ian Crompton on Twitter (@iancrompton89) and ask him to share his video. Also, Tyler Bate managed to squat Hanson. Like that shouldn't even be a surprise anymore that Tyler is freakishly strong, but it still is amazing. Now then, earlier I mentioned how the ring in use was T-Bones ring. During this match, I noticed T-Bone up on the balcony watching the match. However, what I also noticed was that when Trent and Tyler did a double Superplex from the top rope to Hanson, Chris Brooker was up there too, putting a hand on T-Bone's shoulder as if to say "It's ok. You're ring survived it. It's going to live another day". BSS got the win in this match, when Trent hit the pedigree on to Hanson (I think) on top of the IWGP tag title. War Machine gave a post match speech about being disappointed they weren't raising the PROGRESS Tag Titles, and how they've wrestled everywhere but we are the craziest fans they've ever known. Standard really.

Post-Show, it was fuckin pissing down and I'd only gone and decided today was a good day to come in just shorts and t-shirt. Headed back over to Wetherspoons with Jimmy Nailz and Dave Hackney (JHFC represent!) to grab some food (Chilli Dog and Lemonade for £6.99, but could also go for an alcoholic beverage instead for £7.99 if that's what you prefer) and talk about the show. As we were finishing up, Matt Riddle casually strolls into Wetherspoons, cool as fuck (as always) and with around 50% of the Wetherspoons audience having all just come from the show, suddenly Wetherspoons broke into "BRO! BRO! BRO!" chants, with Matt Riddle looking absolutely happy as larry, looking around and smiling at everyone, and other customers just not having a clue what was going on. Following this, it was home time on the 38 bus back to Little Hulton, and was back home for 9pm

Apologies that there's no puns in this one. I'm not on Andy's level for this. But I would like to finish by saying it was really nice to go to a wrestling show to see good friends and also some wrestling, without a fuckin toy pigeon in sight.

#grapsandclaps

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pokemaniacal · 7 years

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Pokémon Moon, Episode 8: In Which I Am Given A Stern Talking-To By A Colourful Sisterly Figure

“So what you’re saying is, you almost killed my Totem Lurantis because your crazy great-grandmother would have wanted it that way?” Mallow folds her arms as she waits for an answer. “…she had a drinking problem. And a gambling problem. And… several legal problems. But she was pretty spry for 94.” “When did she…?” “Um… well, about eight years back, the law caught up with her, and she grabbed a shotgun, stole a motorbike, kidnapped the neighbours’ Heracross, and skipped town, laughing all the way. Honestly she’s, uh… probably still kicking. Somewhere out there.” I idly dunk a spoon in the half-finished pot of stew from Mallow’s trial and taste it. “Mmmmmmmm, that’s so f%&£ing good. Good call on the Revival Herb, by the way.” Mallow shudders. “Okay, well… I’m pretty sure you did technically pass my trial… somehow… so… take these, I guess.” She thrusts a sack of Nest Balls at me, then hands me her Z-Crystal, the Grassium-Z, and leaves me to explore the jungle on my own. Now that I can encounter and catch wild Pokémon there, I am rewarded with three new ones: Bounsweet, Comfey, and Oranguru. I’m not exactly inspired by these so far. Bounsweet is a round, pinkish-red fruit Pokémon that brings to mind the phrase “oh, look, it’s Cherubi,” but it does evolve into something that might not be Cherrim, so we’ll give it the benefit of the doubt. Comfey is a Hawaiian lei Pokémon, one of those Flabébé-like Fairy-types that really looks as though it should be a Grass-type and has a bunch of stuff that supports Grass-types; it’s nice and thematically appropriate to the setting but doesn’t seem to evolve, and so far doesn’t really look like it’ll measure up to a fully-evolved Florges. The third Pokémon, Oranguru, is so far the most interesting-looking – a purple and white apelike Normal/Psychic Pokémon that fights from a cross-legged sitting position. It too shares a Pokédex page with something else, so there’s a good chance it will evolve.

When I leave the jungle, Professor Kukui turns up to congratulate me on passing all three of Akala Island’s trials, and remind me that I’m not off the hook yet: the next step is to face Kahuna Olivia in battle, to provide amusement for whatever primitive heathen deity rules this island. But first, he has a little diversion for me: he wants me to come and visit a facility known as the Dimensional Research Lab, back in Heahea City. “If this is your way of recruiting me to some wild goose chase of a research project that’s going to get me killed in a ridiculous sci-fi laser explosion, Kukui, I swear to Arceus…” “No, of course not!” he protests. “At the very worst you’ll be trapped in an alien nightmare dimension with no hope of ever returning home! It’ll be no worse than being hit simultaneously with Mean Look, Trick Room, Shadow Force, and Dark Void.” I stare at him in silence for a solid thirty seconds. “Eh. Good enough.”

Lillie is already at the lab when I get there, trying to teach Nebby to use Splash, of all things. I see right through her (admittedly clever) deception, of course. When your real goal is for your Pokémon to lay waste to a region with the most powerful move of all – Explosion – what better way of avoiding suspicion than by pretending to focus on the weakest move of all? I’m wise to your schemes, terrorist girl. I give her a suspicious leer, causing her to squeak in feigned shock, and we enter the lab together. The Dimensional Research Lab is run by one Professor Burnet, who happens to be Professor Kukui’s wife (GOD DAMN IT HE’S STRAIGHT). She is also a friend of Lillie, having… randomly discovered her and Nebby lying unconscious on a beach three months ago. This was apparently not a significant red flag to anyone involved. Lillie claims that she had been looking for Burnet anyway, and had simply “gotten lost” on the beach before collapsing from exhaustion. How convenient, that circumstances should align so neatly for her to gain the sympathy and enter the confidence of the very professors she had been seeking. I squint at Lillie again, mouth the words “I’m onto you,” and start scribbling in a notebook. She returns a look of utter bewilderment and pulls down the brim of her hat to cover her face. More importantly, returning to the conversation at hand, Burnet is a physicist who has dedicated much of her career to the study of strange phenomena designated “ultra wormholes.” These are, as far as I can glean, mysterious wibbly-wobbly spacey-wacey holes in reality that occasionally appear in the sky over Alola and randomly spit out powerful demon-Pokémon to terrorise the region.

…this, I point out to nobody in particular, is yet another thing that the tourism brochures mysteriously failed to mention.

Professor Burnet is evasive when I try to ask her whether she’s actually seen a wormhole, or one of these “ultra beasts,” but notes that several known Pokémon possess power over dimensions, and claims that the sensitive equipment in her lab should be able to detect the wormholes. She also explains that the four guardian deities of Alola fought against the demonic invaders in ancient times to protect their region… which suddenly makes me very nervous that Tapu Koko’s plans to ruin my holiday may go way beyond just making me fight Pokémon battles for its amusement.

Of course, the instant I leave the lab, a gigantic glowing rift in space appears briefly in the sky, as if to taunt me, before closing up a few moments later. I’m… totally going to get drafted into a war between dimensions, aren’t I?

Whatever. Not my problem. I’m just going to get on with this trial nonsense and pretend I didn’t see th- oh, gods, what if Nebby is the vanguard of the demonic invasion??? No! Nope. I’m not thinking about that. Just… go find Olivia.

Kahuna Olivia lives in Konikoni City, on Akala Island’s southwest coast. To get there, I have to travel through Alola’s take on the Diglett’s Cave, a tunnel system inhabited by Zubat and Alolan Steel Diglett. Olivia herself is actually there when I arrive, but is apparently too busy for me and requests that I meet her at her shop in Konikoni. What is she busy with? Well… apparently working with some of those Aether Foundation conservationists. The Foundation rents space in an office building in Heahea City, next to Professor Burnet’s lab (and right above Game Freak’s Alola branch), though as far as I can tell they don’t actually do anything there. Their presence in the tunnels is a response to some recent unusual Diglett activity that has been making the area dangerous for travellers and miners, which they blame on Team Skull’s shenanigans. Well, their story checks out – further into the caves, I encounter two Team Skull grunts I don’t recognise, and battle them in tandem with Hau, who is gradually becoming almost respectable as a trainer. That was simple enough… almost weirdly so. Team Skull are such buffoons, and I’m not even sure what they were trying to accomplish by disturbing the Diglett. Could there be some greater design behind their nonsense…?

…nah, I’m just being paranoid. Just because their name starts with “Team” doesn’t mean they’re going to open a dozen of these wormholes and bring about the apocalypse.

Once on the other side of the tunnel, I take a brief look around Konikoni City. It’s a colourful city with heavily Japanese-influenced architecture. Like most big Alolan cities, it’s a hub for tourism, with markets that sell rare incenses, TMs and clothing. Down by the cape, there’s a lighthouse, but I can’t access it (yet?), as well as a woman who not only offers to teach my Pikachu Volt Tackle, but even gives me a special Z-Crystal. I thought these things were sacred relics! The Pikanium-Z, when its power is unleashed by the absolute stupidest dance I have yet been taught, transforms Volt Tackle into a truly devastating super-move… Catastropika. Catastropika? Really? That’s the name we’re going with here, Alola? Not, like… Pikalamity, or Pikataclysm, or just Pi-Kaboom? Seriously, the translators dropped the ball on this $#!t. Whatever. Apparently the rules for Z-moves are a little different to what the previous crystals had led me to believe – some of them are related, like Mega Stones, to just one species, or even just one move used by that species. Then there’s Olivia’s own shop. Olivia, a Rock Pokémon specialist, sells evolutionary stones and fossils. Contrary to her earlier promise, she’s not there, but has left her Probopass to run the shop (because… why not?) and given it a message, telling me to join her at the nearby Ruins of Life, the home of the guardian Tapu Lele.

Ohhhhh no. No. I’ve already got one of these ‘guardians’ lording it over me and telling me what to do, just because it… like… I don’t know, saved my life or whatever. The last thing I need is Tapu Lele arbitrarily deciding to offer me “guidance,” or punish me for trespassing, or turn me into an attractive paperweight, or-

Ugggggggh, but on the other hand, I can totally see a couple of members of Team Skull heading for the Ruins of Life through that creepy cemetery outside town. If Olivia’s gone out there to fight them, or they’ve gone out there to attack her… well, then frankly that’s her problem, right? …right? “Zzzzzt! I dunno, boss!” the Rotomdex interjects. “Sure seemzzzz like it’d be a dick move not to at least go check it out!” “No one asked you, you cursed calculator-watch,” I mutter, but decide to go anyway. If Olivia… somehow can’t handle those idiots, it’s bound to be my fault, one way or another.

I do my best to pick my way respectfully through the cemetery on Memorial Hill, skirting carefully around each grave. As I reach the other side, I spot the two Team Skull grunts – it’s “B” again, with another of his idiot friends. But it’s not just them – there’s a Slowpoke with them, and they’re arguing with an Aether Foundation worker. Beside her is a green-haired man with huge yellow-green glasses and a white lab coat, regarding the situation with strange detachment. As I approach, I hear the Foundation worker shouting. “Team Skull! Give back that Pokémon!” The second grunt flicks a few random gang signs in her direction as he shouts his response. “Don’t give me trouble! I’ll reduce you to rubble!” “Mmm, trouble/rubble; there’s an original one,” I interrupt, sidling up between the Aether Foundation worker and the man in the glasses. “You know, I bet you’re the first in all the history of the English language to rhyme those two.” I shoot the young woman a glance, and stage-whisper to her “Sarcastic enough? D’you think they’ll get it?” She only stares at me, dumbfounded, so I shrug and turn back to the Team Skull grunts. “Sorry, am I interrupting something? You weren’t about to kidnap this Pokémon, were you?” I feign a wide-eyed gasp. “Tsk, tsk, tsk… You know, I really thought we were getting somewhere, boys, I honestly did.” The second grunt just looks bewildered (I’m not totally sure whether I’ve met him before), but B looks like smoke is about to start pouring out of his ears. I give him my most practiced look of sincere disappointment. “Come on; I thought we were moving past this. Can’t you let this one go? For me?” I smile at him. “But- wh- you- NO!” he splutters. “We’re gonna sell this Pokémon to get rich, and we won’t make no bones about it! If you want it back, y- you- you’re gonna have to take it!” I sigh and reach for a Pokéball… until the other grunt abruptly gets a look of comprehension and elbows B in the side. “Yo, homie?” he says quietly. “This ain’t…? Is it?” B turns to him and continues spluttering. “Wh-what you talkin’bout, dawg?” “Look, you don’t gotta let nobody step to you when your Team Skull brothers are around, ‘specially not this fool! Take a chill pill, homie; I got your back!” B’s gaze flicks back and forth between me and the other grunt for several seconds, then they both turn their backs to me and start arguing. The Aether Foundation woman gives me a quizzical look, as though to ask for an explanation. I shrug at her, but then inspiration strikes. I hold a finger to my lips to signal for quiet, then crouch low and try to make eye contact with the Slowpoke. It looks directly at me… then yawns and looks away. I snap my fingers, glancing at the grunts to make sure they haven’t noticed, and the Slowpoke – with all the urgency of cold treacle – turns its stupid dopey face towards me. I jab a finger at it and start beckoning it towards me. A full ten seconds later, it gives a decisive nod, turns around, and begins walking directly away from me. I roll my eyes, then glance around, grab a convenient rock, take careful aim, and throw it at the Slowpoke, striking it on the back of the head. It turns around to face me again. I jab my finger at it again, then point firmly at the ground beneath my feet and start beckoning once more. This time, the blasted thing apparently gets the message and starts crawling steadily towards me. I glance up again. The Team Skull grunts are still deep in an animated argument about… something. It’s definitely turning out worse for B, who is holding one hand to his face and cringing for some reason. About a minute later, the Slowpoke reaches me. I silently make a coo-ing face at it, and pat it gently on the head, giving a thumbs-up to the Aether Foundation girl with my other hand. “Sloooooooooooow…” the Slowpoke says, appreciatively. This, unfortunately, gets the attention of the grunts again, who spin around to face me. “Right!” I say decisively, standing up straight and clapping my hands together. “I’m sure we all have other business to attend to today, so why don’t we all just-” but the second grunt is having none of that. “You ready?” he yells at me, grabbing a Pokéball from his belt. “Cuz I was born ready, yo!” “Well…” I sigh, “worth a try.” I send out my own (infinitely more responsive) Slowpoke… which turns out to be a mistake when his Pokémon is revealed as a Dark Raticate, forcing a hasty switch to my Trumbeak. From there, though, Rock Smash makes short work of it. “That loss was pathetic! Your moves were so kinetic!” the grunt declares, stunned. B grumbles something under his breath, then shakes his head and shouts at me. “We don’t need that Pokémon anyway! Take it then! Good luck and good riddance!” Both of them flee the scene. The Aether Foundation worker breathes a sigh of relief and leans down to pat the Slowpoke. “Phew… thanks, kid. I could’ve been in real trouble there…” “Now, now,” her companion admonishes her, speaking for the first time, “stand firm! Think of what the president would say!” “That’s what you say, Chief! But you don’t lift a finger!” “Why, I am the Aether Foundation’s last line of defence!” I frown at this comment, carefully scrutinising for any signs of particular competence, but he doesn’t seem to notice. “What would become of the Foundation if something were to happen to me now?” He tut-tuts her, then turns to me. “You are a trial-goer aren’t you? You’re a splendid trainer! I’m deeply impressed! I’d like to reward you by showing you something truly astounding. Once you have finished your Grand Trial, come to Hano Grand Resort and I will take you to see a wondrous place.” I accept his invitation with a shrug. Can’t be any worse than whatever the Kahunas and the Guardians will want me to do next.

I continue along the path to the Ruins of Life, past a truly spectacular cliff side and up towards the ruins’ great stone gate. Someone is standing in the path… a young woman… but as I get close, it becomes obvious that it’s not Olivia. She has waist-length pink and yellow hair, black clothes, and… an unmistakeable Team Skull necklace, as well as the Team Skull logo tattooed in pink on her bare midriff. Looks like I’m starting to attract all the wrong kinds of attention from these guys. I briefly consider trying to avoid her, but she’s clearly seen me first, and looks like she was waiting for me. “So…” she says, confidently strolling up to me. “You’re the one Gladion was talking about? Hmph. You don’t look like anything special to me.” “Well… looks can be deceiving, right?” I try to flash a confident grin back, but there’s something a tad unsettling about her. “…uh… is this about the Slowpoke, or…?” She looks me sternly in the eye. “I’m Plumeria. I help keep Team Skull together. I’m like a big sister to all those numskulls.” Her expression softens a little. “Look… you have realised what idiots all these guys are, right?” she asks. “Um. I- I guess?” I reply. Obviously I have, but I’m a little taken aback by her frankness. “But… don’t you think some of those dummies are cute in their dumbness? You know what I mean… right?” Plumeria gives me a strange look that is somehow equal parts conspiratorial, teasing… and deadly threatening. “Um. No. No! I have no idea what you’re talking about! What are you even implying here? Who said anyone was cute? Not me, that’s for sure.” Plumeria glares at me coldly. “Is that so, punk? Well, I gotta tell you – you picking on my cute, dumb brothers and sisters is really annoying me!” She grabs a Pokéball and summons a Golbat. Oh, thank Arceus, a problem I know how to deal with! My Dartrix is a real champ in this fight, thanks to the affection bonuses we’re starting to accumulate; he dodges a Confuse Ray and an Air Cutter, and shakes off some nasty poison, to secure a win against the Golbat, and seriously injure the Salandit that Plumeria sends out in its place. Salandit finishes my Dartrix with Flame Burst, but its own weak physical defences leave it easy prey for my Trumbeak. Plumeria recalls her Pokémon, steps back, and looks me over for a second. Even though I just beat her, her gaze is… still kind of chilling. “Hmph. You’re pretty strong,” she says. “I’ll give you that. But mess with anyone in Team Skull again… in any way… and I’ll show you how serious I can get.” Without waiting for a response, she spins around on her heel and stalks off. “I’m not messing with anyone anywhere!” I call out after her. “It’s not like I have a… a… a stupid ‘thing’ for one of your dumb little brothers. Uh. Or sisters. Could be a sister; you don’t know me; you don’t know my life. I mean, it- it’s not, because it’s no one, but- but you don’t know!” Plumeria is long gone by this point, of course, but that’s no reason to let her get the last word.

Finally, I reach the entrance to the Ruins of Life, with Lillie suddenly right behind me, escorted by Professor Burnet. Lillie is apparently here at Nebby’s behest, and doesn’t know much more than that. Before I can interrogate either of them, though, Kahuna Olivia emerges from the ruins. She apologises for her earlier absence by explaining that Tapu Lele had summoned her to help “clean up” the ruins (wait… so the Kahunas have to do household chores for the guardian deities? Okay, maybe I’m not really getting the short end of the stick after all). With minimal preliminaries, Olivia accepts my challenge… and promptly wrecks my $#!t.

I never intended my current team to be in any sense permanent – Raticate’s going to go at some point, probably Trumbeak too once I’ve finished exploring its evolution, and I’m not 100% on Pikachu or Slowpoke either – but even so, I have to admit it was a slight oversight to have three Pokémon with Rock weaknesses and none with a Rock resistance.

My Dartrix takes out Olivia’s first Pokémon, a Nosepass, without immense difficulty (though, again, a few affection bonuses help to seal the deal). Then… in comes her partner Pokémon, Lycanroc, a creepy-looking red-and-white werewolf Pokémon that I can only assume is the evolved form of Rockruff. Its powerful Rock Throw attack immediately knocks out my Dartrix and my Salandit, then as soon as I try to bring its defences down with Trumbeak’s Rock Smash, Olivia unleashes its Z-move: Continental Crush, which as far as I can tell is a move that works by dropping Australia on you. My poor Slowpoke flinches under Lycanroc’s Bite and doesn’t even get a chance to hit back with Scald. Finally, my Raticate manages to bring it down with Crunch. Enduring what would have been a finishing blow from Olivia’s final Pokémon, a Boldore, Raticate manages to do just enough damage before fainting to bring it within striking distance for my last Pokémon, Pikachu, to finish it off.

Phew. Okay. Lesson learned. No more underestimating Rock-types. Especially weird, gangly werewolf Rock-types.

…what, you didn’t think I was actually going to lose that one, did you? Listen, “wrecks my $#!t” is very much a relative term here. Sure, it looked bad for a little while but I’m a former Champion (in multiple regions, if you count my… past lives, or… whatever… look, I try not to think about it too hard), and Olivia is, like, the head shaman of some backwards middle-of-nowhere hick island who does chores for a bird. Of course I beat her; I’m amazing. Give me some credit here.

Olivia rewards me with her Z-crystal – the Rockium-Z (did the Alolans listen to these names at all while they were picking them…?) – and sends me packing just as Hau arrives for his own Grand Trial. Hau has apparently received the same invitation from the Aether Foundation as I did, and is eager to get his trial out of the way so we can go and have a look. Lillie is decidedly less enthusiastic, presumably since she knows the Aether Foundation is hot on her trail, and makes a stammering excuse. Well, whatever. Sooner or later, Lillie… you can’t run forever.

Ridiculous quote log:

“Yo! I’m a herb seller! I’m self-taught, but I sell good quality herbs!” Why does everyone in this region try to get me to do f#$%ing drugs!?

“There’s a faint smell of spices, sauces, and other fragrant things…” …okay maybe this is the time to admit that I… kiiiiiiinda have a thing for smelling other people’s beds? Uh, I- I mean, it’s totally not a sex thing, not even a little bit; just, uh… if I come across someone’s bed, I like to… give it a good long sniff before I move past it. Lots of people do it, probably. It helps me feel closer to- wait, damn it, no, that still sounds weird. That is, uh… I mean, if they wanted to sniff my bed I would totally let them, and- okay that sounds even worse. Can we… just forget I said anything?

The team:

Tane the Dartrix Male, Timid nature, Overgrow ability Level 28 Tackle, Razor Leaf, Astonish, Pluck

Rhea the Trumbeak Female, Lax nature, Keen Eye ability Level 27 Pluck, Roost, Fury Attack, Rock Smash

Ashley the Pikachu Female, Timid nature, Static ability Level 27 Volt Tackle, Hidden Power (Ice), Nasty Plot, Thunder Wave

Hypatia the Slowpoke Female, Hardy nature, Own Tempo ability Level 27 Confusion, Yawn, Headbutt, Scald

Soot the Raticate Female, Hardy nature, Hustle ability Level 27 Crunch, Tail Whip, Hyper Fang, Focus Energy

Joanna the Salandit Female, Timid nature, Corrosion ability Level 27 Flame Burst, Sweet Scent, Dragon Rage, Smog

#pokemon moon playthrough #pokemon #alola #mallow #professor kukui #professor burnet #lillie #hau #olivia #bounsweet #comfey #oranguru #catastropika #team skull #plumeria #lycanroc #aether foundation

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