#I gotta say I just don't think you're right

[ghouljams]

More fae!Gaz, he's so boyfriend, he's always there when you need him. Even if you didn't know he'd be there or that you'd need him! That's just how great he is!

You duck under an awning to escape the sudden downpour, already soaked to the bone. You look out at the pouring rain, tip your head to try and get a glimpse at how the clouds are moving, and sigh. You'll just have to wait it out. You wish you'd brought your umbrella.

The door beside you chimes, and there's the click fwump of an umbrella being opened. You glance at the man looking out at the rain, you recognize him. You've had a few conversations with him. Not friends, not even acquaintances, but not strangers either. What was his name again?

Something whispers through your mind, bounces and echoes: Gaz, Gaz, Gaz.

"Gaz?" You confirm. He turns to looks at you, and his eyes spark with recognition. He smiles and you smile back.

"Hey there sunshine," Gaz grins, his eyes drag over you, bounce across your chest and the way your soaked shirt clings to you, "gone for a swim?"

You laugh, shake your head and then shake it harder to try and get some of the water off it. You don't know how rain always feels so much colder and wetter than regular water, but you can feel it drip off you thickly. Gaz laughs, it sounds like chocolate. You don't- you don't know how to describe it. It's like chocolate. Rich and sweet, but dark with a hint of bitterness that makes you want to hear it again and again. You find yourself staring at him, pushing your hair off your forehead to stop the water from rolling down into your eyes. Already you've had to blink away the drops that settled on your lashes.

"Didn't bring my umbrella," you explain. Gaz nods, the cocks his head back towards the shop door.

"S'why I stopped in for one."

"Smart, don't know why I didn't think of that." You watch the rain fall for a moment, before you're struck with recollection. "We live in the same building right?" Gaz hums.

"You knocked on my door for a cuppa once." You nod and he shifts his grip on the umbrella, holding it between you. "You asking to share?"

"Could save me a few pounds," You're only half joking, stepping closer until your shoulder brushes his.

"What if I'm not headed for the tube?" You look up at Gaz, watch him cock a brow curiously. He never loses his smile. Something itches in the back of your mind, warning you against friendly strangers. Something else quiets it, pets the scared animal into submission with that soft echoing whisper: Gaz, Gaz, Gaz.

"Then you can just drop me off at the nearest station and be on your way," you reason. That seems to amuse him, something sparking in his eyes that lights up his smile. He's warm. Green. Natural. You can smell the dirt of a nearby flower pot, the dust of the city. Petrichor, your brain supplies. The smell of dust after rain.

Mentally you kick yourself. From a fucking Doctor Who episode ya numpty. Trying to sound poetic when you're just quoting a damn- and it's not even an episode you liked! Ugh.

Gaz taps your forehead, two gentle taps that make you blink. There's something familiar in the gesture, friendly in a way that's overly friendly for how close you aren't.

"Looked like you were getting lost in there," he says when you smack your hand against the tapped skin.

"Well throw down a rope then," you grumble. Your therapist is right you gotta start being more present. This is why you get caught in the rain, too busy day dreaming.

"How about I get you home first," Gaz jokes.

"Just to the station is fine," you tell him, hurrying to stay under the umbrella as he starts walking. Gaz shrugs, the umbrella shifts, and you press closer to avoid soaking your shoulder a second time.

"I'm going home anyway, may as well take you with me."

You roll your eyes. An alarm bell rings in the back of your mind, smothered by a thick magic that whispers to you: Gaz, Gaz, Gaz.

[copperbadge]

Immediate Writer's Block

Had a comment on another post where I thought I'd probably need more space than the notes in which to respond, so:

constant-state-of-self-discovery Oh I get the envy I feel it right now how the fuck do you manage to write without impassable writers block after 5-9 sentences because I haven't fucking figured it out lol

I do have some advice on this!

I think most writers get blocked from time to time, it's normal and my general strategy is just to wait it out, but if you're frequently blocked after only writing a very little bit, I think the problem is one of two things: either you don't know what you want to achieve with the scene you're writing, or you don't know what should happen next within the scene to achieve that goal. If you frame "I'm blocked" as "I don't have an answer I need" then often you move from just sitting there, sweating and staring at a blank page, to thinking productively about how you're going to get where you're going. It's the difference between not knowing an answer and not knowing an answer but knowing where to look for it.

An invaluable piece of advice for this, which I think I picked up from someone who got it off a National Novel Writing Month messageboard, is "When in doubt, ninjas attack." It's not meant to be literal, you don't need to have ninjas or fight scenes just because you don't know what to do, but it helps to get the creativity flowing again. If you don't know what should happen next, or you know but you're having trouble actually writing the scene, it can be very helpful to induce a moment of uncertainty or surprise -- to have a metaphorical ninja attack. One time I did this literally -- the POV character was just on the road somewhere and I didn't know how to get them from a pastoral country road to their actual destination in an interesting way, so I had them get attacked by highway bandits and have to fight them off, which also allowed me to demonstrate that the character had significant unarmed combat skills. But it can also just be like, two characters who are having a boring conversation can be interrupted by a third person, even just a stranger asking for directions, or there can be, IDK, an explosion, or something goes missing, or etc.

Sometimes it also helps to leave it alone but keep it in your mind and go do something else -- listen to a podcast, take a walk, read a book, not because those things are distracting but because all our inputs eventually feed into our brain and come out as reactions. If you're thinking about your book while you're wandering around a park, something you see in the park might have an impact on it. If you've got YOUR story in mind while reading someone else's, you might be more inclined to look at what they're saying and see what you think of it, how it might play into your work.

And honestly, sometimes you just gotta go past it. I'm working on the next Shivadh novel right now and it opens basically with Simon the chef getting into a spat with his love-interest-to-be over some cheese. He want the cheese, she won't sell him the cheese, so they get off to a very contentious start. But I suck at writing conflict especially when it's basically "A character I like is being pompous and another character I want people to find likable is being stubborn and somewhat unpleasant". I've been stalled on it for a while. But I know where the scene ends up, like I do know what the goal is, so I just...skipped it and went on to writing a scene I like better, where they meet a second time and actually discover each others' identity and that they're about to be forced into the grownup equivalent of a school project. Once I've gotten dug deeper into the story I'll come back and write it, and by then I'll have the benefit of knowing the love interest a bit better.

So yeah -- I think a lot of breaking a writer's block, especially when you don't need rest but are just stumped about what to do, is to twist and look at it from another angle. It's not that you don't know what to write, or don't want to write what you know you have to -- it's that you don't have the correct answer to a question, or you need to leave that part alone to ferment and come back to it later. At least, for me.

[mcflymemes]

CHALLENGERS (2024) PROMPTS *  assorted dialogue, adjust as necessary.

who says i want somebody to be in love with me?

i don't want to fuck you to prove a point.

fuck me because you want to.

are you gonna do it or not?

tastes even better than it looks.

i just told you i missed you.

i really want to kiss you right now, but i'm worried that if i try, you'll think i'm the worst friend in the world.

you know, it hurts me sometimes how little you believe in yourself.

decimate that little bitch.

let's be honest, you gotta feel bad for the kid.

you're not a spring chicken anymore.

dude. he's a pancake. you're gonna flatten him.

how's this feeling?

we're ready for you.

so obviously this isn't the result you wanted today.

you choked.

i don't want you to embarrass yourself.

i'm just a little rusty. it's a confidence thing.

get your fucking confidence back. i can't do it for you.

i'm so sick of you using this as an excuse to have a fucking meltdown.

you said we could watch a movie.

you're evil.

i'm gonna quiz you on it tomorrow.

sir, i don't know who you are.

i don't think we have much more to talk about.

i haven't spoken to you in five years.

i was just taking a little nap.

move, or i'm calling the cops.

you were really something back then, huh?

we always talked about how amazing it would be to win this together.

i'm a crazy person.

any predictions about how that's going to go?

can you do me a favor? can you not, like... demolish me tomorrow?

shut the fuck up.

if it matters to you so much, i can just give it to you.

i need it to look like i really beat you.

don't guilt me with your dying grandmother.

she's the hottest woman i've ever seen.

you were... fucking incredible.

baby, we've got to get going.

i'm not going to that party.

are you that threatened by me?

we can't both just go in there, dicks swinging.

i'd let her fuck me with a racket.

hey, do you smoke?

of course they will remember you.

see, that's your problem. you think you're like an artist or something.

you just want to win because you love it when people tell you how talented you are.

are you on facebook?

i told you tennis was boring.

you just got this crazy look on your face.

are you on a date?

i don't kiss and tell.

why did you want to have dinner with me?

i think you might be the worst friend in the world.

i didn't know you were so concerned about my feelings.

of course you still have a thing for her.

we just had what i'm assuming is the best sex of our lives.

i fucked your brains out?

what do you think you need? a cheerleader? a fuck buddy? a girlfriend?

you're talented, you're charming, and you've got a big dick.

excuse me for inconveniencing you.

don't expect to sleep here tonight.

stop going easy on me.

i'll be whatever you need me to be. i'll fuck off if you want me to.

i need you here, actually.

you're referring to when i declared my love for you.

you're not in love with me anymore?

i've been dreaming about this for five years.

i'm gonna propose something to you, and it's gonna make you angry. it's gonna make you very angry. but you have to hear me out, okay?

i'm finally ready to listen to you.

how dare you fucking ask me that.

do you think it's cute what you're doing? do you think it's funny?

that's the stupidest fucking thing i've ever heard.

i've always wanted you.

you didn't do anything to me. i did it all to myself.

i think i've reached the limit of my willingness to have this conversation with you.

do you understand how embarrassing it is that you're here?

you've never beaten me.

tell me it doesn't matter.

will you just hold me?

i'm not here to fuck you.

i miss watching you play. you were so beautiful.

[dodgeirs]

⊹ ᳝ ࣪ aaron helping to take off your makeup.

cw. bf!aaron, confirmed whiney!reader, established relationship, fluff, whipped aaron

wc. 622

a/n. just a little small, small snack while the poll finishes up 🫶 resonating a little hard with this one bc i was so sleepy taking off my makeup today. need me a hotchy rn 😞

"you've gotta stay still f'me, honey." aaron urged.

"'m tired. let me sleep, please." you whined. resting your head onto aaron's abdomen, and wrapping your arms around his waist. finding comfort in his soft stomach.

"i know, but just let me finish this up. then you can sleep all you'd like." he proposed sweetly. you groaned at his words, and his actions as he holds your face in his hands so you'd look up at him. you instead concentrated on how his thumbs were rubbing you cheeks and the fact that he looked like an angel from the bright bathroom lights and his tall stature. maybe you really were that drunk.

"i don't even care." that was a lie and he knew it.

"you don't? the last time you went out and slept in your makeup you complained, and then went on to blame me for not performing boyfriend duties by taking your makeup off." he explains. giving your forehead one more swipe of the cotton pad drowned in micellar water before throwing it in the trash.

you reluctantly removed your arms from his waist so he could get a facial rag wet, he was going to wash your face for you too.

you feel bad now. and despite the pout displayed on your face he was right, as much as you'd hate to admit, those words were very much yours. looking down at your hands, now in your lap you pick at your fingernails. aaron is being nice by helping you out, and you're being whiney.

"what's going on in that head, hm?"

picking you head head up to look at him, to really take him in. he's in his pj pants and a grey shirt. he was no where near sleeping, but he had stayed up for you to return home, being dropped off by a friend. compared to when aaron had to come pick you up the last time you went out with friends and got drunk, that was fairly early in your relationship and you were thankful he wasn't still in his office or on a case.

"'m sorry." you're sure your pout looks more so looks like a frown now.

“what for?”

“i’m being inconsiderate.”

aaron instantly hangs the damp rag onto the rag bar, moving to stand in front of you.

“and why do you think that?” he questions. eye brows doing this signature hotchner furrow.

“because you’re so nice. and i did say i wanted you to do those things, yet i’m whining about it now.”

“oh, honey.” aaron begins. crouching down so he'd be on your level as he spoke to you, his knees cracking in the process. causing you to bite down on the smile that formed from the noise.

“y’know i don't mind doing any of this, right? and that i enjoy being able to take care of you. in any state that you're in, even when you get whiney.”

his words help reassure you. “yes. but, don't you ever get annoyed when i whine?”

“honey, i could never get annoyed by you. you're also drunk so it makes sense that you're more whinier than normal.”

“hey!” you gasped. hitting at his shoulder, pretending to be offending at aaron’s jab and the fact that he's finding it amusing.”

“okay, okay. not funny, noted.”

there's a moment of calm where the two of you look at each other smiling.

“y’know, i love you?” you question.

“you only tell me it a hundred times a day.” aaron responds with a wide smile. getting up from his spot and in the process giving you a quick peck on the lips.

“i love you more. let's wash your face so i can get you to bed.”

[vulpixisananimal]

Looping again and again...

(You breath in, and out.)

(You're exhausted. You feel even more sick than last time. Your eyes are puffy, and theres a weight on your chest.)

(You breath in, and out.)

(Just, just focus. Just focus. None of that happened, not really. It was all in another timeline, you didn't hurt him, and you aren't selfish. You... You...)

("I should never have trusted you.")

(. . .)

(You trust them. But they don't trust you. If they don't trust you, why do you keep talking to them.)

(Because it's. . . Because I promised.)

(You promised to protect Bonnie too.)

(Your breath catches.)

(Are you sure they believe you, or like you, or trust you? Can you be sure? You have a power that they cannot comprehend. Every day could be perfectly scripted by you.)

(I. . . I don't know.)

(Do you think Isabeau trusts you.)

(I. . .)

"You alright, Sif?"

(Oh stars, right. You breath in, and out.)

"Never better, Isa!" (You said, your words ringing hollow.)

"Well, if you need a hand or, or if I need to get you anything, just let me know okay?"

(Same as last time. You are looping again, after all. You look at yourself in the mirror. Could it get worse..?)

(You step out of the bathroom.)

"Sif! Are you sure you're alright?" (He leaned down to your level, just as worried as before.) "I was about to get out of bed and I heard you, uh-"

"I'm fine Isabeau--" >> "--Just some loopy stuff, not that bad, I'll meet you for breakfast!"

(. . . Should you be zoning out? Things are differen't now, you're not in Dormont after all.)

(It wont hurt them.)

(You're back downstairs, Mirabelle and Bonnie off doing whatever it was they do in the morning. The quesadillas looked good like last time. Hmm, you could change a few things up here at least.)

"You sure you're alright? Can't go investigating when your sick."

"I've gone through worse." (You say cheekily.)

"That's not a good thing though!" (Isa exlaimed.) "You were sick for weeks after all those loops!"

"Still hard to believe." (Nille commented, leaning back.) "Even I know you're not s'possed to be able to craft time."

"Well I didn't think wishes were so..."

"Dangerous?" (You say.)

"Well, yeah." (Isa's vision wandered, thinking.) ". . . Do you think that's why you're sick again?"

(Huh.)

(Odile looked up from her book.) "That could be it. Perhaps that wish is still allowing Siffrin to loop back, but requires more of his own energy."

"So it's, craft exhaustion?" (That would make sense, and explain why each time you looped you were feeling worse.)

"Alright eat up then 'Frin." (Nille said, leaning over to give you a second quesadilla.) "Gotta get your energy back."

(You shrink down into your cloak.) "I'll be fine, you don't, need, to."

"Come on Sif!" (Now Isa was handing you more food.) "Craft exhaustion 101! Eat! Your! Food!"

(Oh stars. . .)

(Defeated, you start to eat up. It WAS good food, Bonnie always made good food. And you WERE hungry. Plus, you might need the energy to loop again. And if you do that, then you wouldn't have taken their food.)

(Mirabelle and Bonnie join the rest of you, the air is a bit warmer than last time. Bonnie threatened to go back and make you even more food once they found out you had craft exhaustion. But for now, it's about time to explain things again.)

(You're going to? You still trust them?)

(. . . If we don't, it could be worse. We didn't ask for help before, and it was worse.)

"Isa, did you know someone called Ramos in the Defenders?"

"Huh?" (Isa thought for a moment.) "I didn't. . . Oh! Well I knew someone who's second name was that, why?"

"Taller? Wears a vest and kerchif? Short hair?"

(Isa shook his head.) "No, but I remember they asked me about some clothes like that... Wait did you-"

(You smile smugly.) "You must have had quite the impact, they look totaly different when we met them later today."

"You looped again!?!?--" >> "--I'll look for one of those next time."

(Where to start this time.)

"This will be try number three of today, First time me and Odile went to the library and the rest of you to the Defenders place, Bonnie came running to us, aparently Mira was framed for kidnapping Bonnie."

"!?!?!?--" >> "--There must have been some kind of mistake!"

"And that's why we went there last time." (You hesitate) "We all did, met Ramos at the enterance, started leading us to someone who'd help. Mira, Bonnie and Nilla ran off because of..."

(. . . Roses.)

"Huh?!?"

"Beacuse Bonnie smelled mint and thought someone's roses were in trouble?"

"It makes more sense at the moment I promise!"

"Well there was someone who kept roses." (Isa pondered.) "But he was never the type to get mints in his rosebeds."

"Well aparently Bonnie smelled mint, so."

"Was it like the sugar?" (Bonnie asked.) "Like, is it a craft thing?"

(You blink, oh.) "Well, uh, I did smell a lot of something."

(Bonnie hopped away from the tapple and ran back to the kitchen. Before coming back with a bit of a plant and held it up to you.) "Smell."

(You take a sniff, the same smell.) ". . . Is that mint?"

"Duh." (They said smugly.) "No it's cumin, obviously. Crabface."

"Language."

(You all have a bit of a chuckle. Bonnie going to put the mint back. Odile prompted you to continue.)

"Right..." (You shift a bit in your seat, oh boy.) "Well... Isa, did you get any help on your Defender quiz? Did Ramos help you?"

"Huh? No I didn't," (he looked confused.) "I did worry about it a bunch, but Ramos was having it harder, if anything I helped them."

(You nod.) "While we were walking you said the oposite, you knew eachother for a while, it all seemed... Wrong."

(You paused, thinking. Odile noticed.) "Everything alright, Siffrin?"

(You bite your lip. You, didn't want to talk about what happens next.) "Well. . . You and I got suspicious, confronted Ramos, you grabbed them and then started being weird, and uh, well, I stepped in and, well, they were wearing the star pendant."

"!!!"

"Gems alive."

"Oh Ramos.." (Isabeau pouted.) "They didn't hurt you, did they?"

(You snapped to attention, huh? What?) "I-I, n-no they, uh, no they didn't." (If anything, it was the other way around...)

"Well... If you want to talk about it."

(You shrug.)

". . . Well what's the plan today then boss." (Nille asked, looking over she was leaning on the table so relaxed.) "Since you know the future and all."

(Boss?) "Well, I doubt this'll be the last loop, but this time we should go looking for information on what craft links to mint, if any."

"Good idea Siffrin!" (Mirabelle perked up, uhoh, she had a look in her eyes.) "Me, Odile and Isabeau will go looking for that while YOU stay here and relax!!"

"Huh?!?!"

"Agreed." (Odile was giving you a look.) "We can't have our ace in the hole burning himself out."

"That'll leave you two in charge of Siffrin then, think you can handle it?" (Isa said to Nille and Bonnie.)

(Nille gave a thumbs up) "Leave it to the sibling squad."

"Yeah!! I'm gonna make you hot chocolate too!!"

"What. Wait. But, b-but."

(You didn't know how to respond, what was going on, you were just, just explaining what happened. It was just going to be another go around. Go look for info on mint, then, then...) "Wh, why?!?"

"Because you need!! A!! Beak!!" (Mirabelle had gotten up) "You've had to do the same day twice now and each time it was really unplesant!! And if today doesn't really happen for us, then we can do a bit extra! The other us's wont remember."

"Exactly." (Odile closed her book.) "If today doesn't matter then we can be a bit risky, and you can relax a bit more. It might help you feel better for next loop."

(You tried hiding in your cloak, a hard thing to do without a hat.) "But, you just, trust me on that?"

"Of course!" (Isabeau said, cheery.) "Why wouldn't we? I'll always trust you, Sif, because you could have done a lot of bad with being able to loop, and you didn't!" (You wince at that, Isa huffed.) "Yes, even that moment we had. I told you, it's alright."

(. . .)

(They do have a point. You, never really got a break back then either. Sure you had moments, but...)

"Ok, If you're sure..."

[alivzstuff]

my good looking boy

first fanfic on this app, don't hate me if it's horrendous 😓✋

xo, ali

warnings: child neglect, mentions of abuse, cursing, nausea, body shaming, mentions of starving.

summary: You're the new kid in town, hoping to find a friendship. When you meet the good looking boy that you hope will always be by your side.

I walked out the door, finally wishing I can have a better life than how I had it in Arizona. My mom moved us to Boston, Massachusetts after my dad died, hoping for a new start in life. Maybe find a new husband. She said he died hating this marriage. That I ruined everything. That she wished I wasn't here and that maybe her marriage would have worked fine. No arguments. No hate.

Ever since we moved to Boston, she's been putting on a happy smile. She's been trying to move on. Going to clubs and bars. I heard she found some man at her work place, that they have been hitting it off.

It's been a lonely summer and I finally start school today. My mom gave me the name of the school and told me to walk. I don't have a problem with it, it's just kind of sad walking alone. Seeing the buses and cars.

I made it to the school and immediately see people laughing with their friends. I don't have friends but i'm sure I can make some, I mean it wasn't that hard back at my old school.

I began to walk up the stairs of the most idle staircase. The people in front of me are pretty slow but I really don't care considering we have a good 15 minutes until class.

While stepping up each step, I get pushed by the backpack that's in front of me. Tripping me down to the hands of the person behind me.

"Shit, I'm sorry." I said on the tips of my heels backwards. "Are you okay?" A boys voice spoke to me. I got back on my toes and held onto the railing. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just tripped." I spoke to him. I got to the top of the staircase and he grabbed my wrist as I walked away. "Wait, you don't look like you were here last year. Are you new?" He asked looking into my eyes. I paused. His eyes were a light blue and he had some medium length hair. "Yeah, I'm new. This is kind of embarrassing. My first day at a new school and I'm making a fool of myself to the first person I talk to." I laughed quietly. "Well, I don't think you're a fool. You seem like a pretty cool person." He smiled at me. "Thanks, wanna be friends?" I asked him, hoping he says yes. "Sure, why not." He said as he looked down at his phone. "I gotta get going, maybe I'll see you at lunch?" He said while walking away. "Yeah, cya!"

__________

Finally lunch. It's not like I have any money to buy anything but it's nice to get a break. I looked around, trying to find the good looking boy that was with me this morning. "Hey, black haired girl! Over here!" I looked over my shoulder to see the good looking boy calling me over. I walked over to the table he was at, feeling like all eyes were on me.

"Hi" I sighed. "Are you not gonna get lunch? Well it's just because you're thighs look like you ate thirty pounds of cake." The girl next to me spat out. "Alyssa, stop being so mean." The other girl spoke. "You're thighs are perfect. Not that I was looking. I-I just wanted you to know." The good looking boy murmured. "Thanks, I didn't take it in a weird way." I giggled to myself.

"I guess I haven't introduced my friends to you yet. Those two are Debbie and Alyssa. This is Izaiah. Then they're Nate and Madi. Oh and I'm Chris!" Chris.. Alright. "Nice to meet you guys! I'm y/n!" "Cute! Love the name y/n" Madi stated. "Do you want anything to eat? I have a bag of strawberries if you want." Chris whispered over the loud noise of the cafeteria. "I really shouldn't. It's your food plus I'm not that hungry." I whispered back. He put the bag of strawberries in my hand. "Please, I insist. That's what friends are for at the least, right?" He gave off a soft smile. "Right. Thanks." I said whilst hiding my smile. I opened the bag and began munching on the strawberries. I felt happy. I looked to my side, seeing Alyssa roll her eyes at me. Maybe she likes Chris? I don't know. I feel weird for barging into this friendship. The only people I've felt comfortable with were my friends on a phone screen all the way from Arizona to Boston. "Can I have your number considering we are friends and I might need questions to be answered?" Chris asked, pulling out his phone. "Yeah sure it's 602-123-4567." I spoke out. "Thanks. I'll text you so you know it's me." Chris murmured.

_________

"Are you just gonna walk home? It's pretty hot out here." Chris spoke. "Yeah. My house isn't that far away. I live in Lakeview." I said, walking foward. "I live there too! Lets walk together! Let me just tell my brothers that i'm walking instead." He said whilst pulling out his phone. "If you want too. I won't stop you, not one bit." I sighed. Yeah, I like walking alone but he's my first friend in this state so I'll not mind it too much. Wait he has brothers? "You have brothers?" I asked. "Yeah, I live with them and my mom. But my brother, Matt, drives me and Nick, my other brother, to school. Well, that's because he is the only one with a license." Alright, cool. It's not crazy but just cool. I stayed silent. "Do you wanna eat something at my house? It's just- you didn't eat anything at lunch and I wanted to know if you were hungry. My mom would fucking love you. You would also love her food!" He exclaimed. "Okay, I'll go." I said while giggling.

After about 10 minutes, we made it to his house. He unlocked the door and we went inside. "This is where I live. Welcome!" He said very proudly. "Chris honey, is this one of your little friends? Nice to meet you, I'm Mary lou. You can call me Ms. Sturniolo if you want though. Im making dinner and there's always room for one more stomach!" His mom said while stirring the pot. "Thanks, I'm basically starved and can't wait to eat whatever you have in that pot..!" I stated. "Let's go to my room until food is ready." He advised. I placed my shoes and back pack on the floor next to the front door, taking his hand that was pulling me. We ran up the stairs and he opened the door to his room. Purple LED lights, dark green blanket on the bed, a tv, pictures of him and his friends, family photos, empty cans of pepsi, a desk. Just stuff that goes in a room. "Before you meet them, I just want you to know that the two brothers I have are my triplets. So we look alike, but we have our differences. If that makes sense. If you're ever stuck, Matt has a stubble beard, Nick has blonde hair, and I'm the one with ear length hair." He assured. "Cool.. Cool..."

"Did you know me and my brothers have a YouTube channel? We just hit two million subs! I bet you didn't know that about me!" He shouted. "I didn't know that, we should watch it while eating!" I exclaimed.

"Kids, dinner!" His mom shouted. "I'll go get the food, you can stay here of you want. If you don't come I'll just bring your plate up. But you can search up 'sturniolo triplets' and pick whatever video you want to watch..!" He said as he walked out the door. I picked up the remote and went to YouTube on the Roku tv. Sturniolo triplets... There! I wouldn't want to watch a old video.. But I don't want to watch a video that's too recent. Whatever. I can't choose. I'll just ask him what he likes when he gets back.

__

"Took long enough! I was basically falling asleep!" I said as he brung the plate to my thighs. "Well you didn't. Here's your food."

He pulled out two pepsis from the pockets of his gray sweatpants. Outlining his- I need to stop thinking nasty shit. "I brought Pepsi if you wanted to drink something while eating." He said while handing me it. "Thanks. Ya know, I haven't had soda in three years. Forgot the taste." I spoke as I clicked open the can. "Seriously? That's kinda crazy to be honest" "Yeah, yeah. Anyway, I couldn't find a video so I would just let you pick any video you want." "Maybe we can just eat and talk?" He murmured. "Sure, that would be nice."

____two months later____

I popped on my airpods and sat on the bench, scrolling through spotify trying to erase the thought that my mom could've had a bad day. But especially, that she would take it out on me. I can't remember the last time I had a good relationship with my mother. I would usually eat at Chris's house when I knew my mom wouldn't feed me. He knows somethings wrong but whenever he asks, I just change the subject. I don't want him to worry about me. He can worry about other things, like grades or if he doesn't understand a question. But he shouldn't worry about anything I have to say. It's lunch time but I'd rather starve than have to look Alyssa in the eyes. Knowing she was judging me every second she got. I wasn't a chubby girl. It's just that everything I ate would go to my thighs. I did have a small stomach. I did have normal arms. I was normal. I at least wanted to be normal.

I hummed to the tune of the song. Closing my eyes and waiting to feel my alarm go off so I could go back to class. I needed the thoughts out my head. I was hungry and I knew it. I had a job over the summer but my mom took my paychecks when they came in the mail saying, "Family shares money. Don't be greedy because boys don't like that." Her voice surrounded my thoughts.

I felt a hand touch my shoulder. I looked over to see Chris. I took off my airpods, staring at him.

"You aren't at the lunch table so I went to go find you. I have a sandwich though. For you." He smiled. "Thanks, this is probably the last thing I'll eat this week!" I said. Knowing it probably was. His smile fell off his face. I looked into his eyes that looked into mine. "Oh- no, I was joking. Don't uhm take that seriously." I awkwardly said, lying through my teeth. He look worried. The last thing I wanted him to look like. We stared into each other's eyes. Neither of us looking away.

I learned in for a hug. My head rested on his shoulder. "Thanks for the sandwich." I whispered in his ear. His hands rubbed my back. I sighed at leaned back to where I was, unraveling the sandwich he gave me and taking a bite. I put one airpod back in my ear, handing him the other one. "Wanna listen?" I said as I chewed. He took the airpod and put it inside his ear as "slow dancing in the dark" by Joji started playing. I looked at the sky while chewing and taking another bite. "I know something is worrying you." He whispered. I look at him while my cheeks were stuffed. I swallowed. "What?" I sighed. "Y/n. I'm your friend. What's bothering you?" He said. I wouldn't tell him. All I was thinking about were those words and 'give me reasons we should be complete'. "Nothing is bothering me. I-I-I'm sorry if I'm making this friendship hard but.. Uhm.. I think I need to go." I gagged out. Whenever I'm nervous I throw up. So I needed to get out of there as soon as possible. I hated throwing up. As I had my airpods in, 'I want you' by mitski played. I knew he could hear it too.

_____

if you want a part two it'll come soon😓✋

sorry of this was dog shit I'm a new writer- I hope you liked it though. Tell me if you wanna be tagged in the next part 🖤

xo, ali

[clubdionysus]

[BAD DECISION #10] Blonde

warnings: b is in her bleach era. love that for her!! jaykay is in the chapter for like 1.5 seconds and still manages to be the best thing about it. also if u think wow holly sometimes your chapters end very similarly, uhhh yes. ur right. mainly because my brain is smooth but also because jungkook is a creature of habit! it’s within his character traits! not because im stupid! even if i am!

soundtrack: space - audrey nuna;  blonde - maisie peters

wc: 3.5k

bd total wc: 540k (on-going)

minors dni | AO3 | series masterlist 

You suppose you really shouldn't be surprised when Seokjin leaves you on read. It happens as soon as he escapes the city, just like it always does. 

It's always the same; he'll come back to town for a few days - to visit friends, his family, or maybe for a haircut with the only barber he trusts - then leaves just as quickly as he comes.

The predictability of it all would be funny, you think, but your knees are getting worn out from how many times you fall for it; his charm, his deception, his pretty lips that soothe the burn of his selfish choices. 

He'll be radio silent for a while, and then suddenly, as if he's finally changed the batteries in his walkie-talkie, he won't be. It'll most likely be when he's on his way back to town in a few months time.

The saddest part is that you know you'll want to see him when he does. Will have the burning desire to show him just how well you've been; how well you've coped without him.

Most of all? You'll want him to know just how much you don't need him.

Inevitably, he'll end up in your bed, and you'll end up all in your head - again - overthinking and underestimating just how easy it is for him to drop you. Forgetting just how badly he fucked you up, only for him to remind you in the most callous of ways.

When Danbi comes home on Thursday night - three days since Seokjin's last message - she knows exactly what's happened. You've got a special kind of pout reserved for Seokjin-related upsets. It's always a little soft yet incredibly hard to break.

"You gotta stop letting him in," she says over a glass of red. She hates the taste, but loves the soft buzz in the pit of her stomach. Though she's much better suited to Moscato, Danbi will never turn her nose up at free wine.

If she knew why you were drinking it, she might consider rejecting it.

Seokjin's favourite. You'd bought it on the way home from work. Just couldn't help yourself.

Had figured that at least when you hugged yourself to sleep that evening, your lips would taste like his used to do, on the nights when he'd tell you that you're the most delightful thing he's ever laid his eyes upon. Would be all giggly. Wine drunk. Happy. In love.

But it's been a while since he did that. Feels like a lifetime ago, now. 

You shrug as you let the ruby red liquid swirl in your glass. Fighting against your feelings feels like swimming against the tide.

Always struggling to breathe. Never winning. Failing. Falling. 

"I don't know how to, Dan."

"But you do," she insists.

And she's right. Of course you do. 

His number has never been blocked, but a simple restriction of access to you would solve so many of your problems.

Thing is, you kind of like him still being your problem. At least that way, on a technicality, he's still yours. Kind of.

Every time he comes back to the city, it's still your bed that he ends up in.

Never for the night. Just for an hour or two - but for long enough for you to convince yourself that he can't stay away.

The lies you let your mind whisper are insidious. You're irresistible. He's still just as affected by you as you are by him. He can't possibly leave you.

And yet he does, each and every time.

He doesn't ever let you go. Not fully. Whenever you think you're getting over it, he shows up just to get you under him; his thumb, his spell, his body.

You're halfway through the bottle of wine when Danbi tells you once more that you need to get Seokjin out of your hair.

You've reached the end of it by the time you're grabbing your purse and heading for the closest Olive Young.

It's just down the street, by the crossroads that lead into town, and the staff there have seen you in worse states. A little tipsy has nothing on the mascara-stained eyes they used to be greeted with during the worst days of the breakup.

"Sure about this?" Danbi asks just to check before you take the boxes in your hands to the counter.

"Absolutely not - but he always hated me blonde," you grin a little sardonically. The happiness that comes with this change will be temporary, but you have to remind yourself that so was he. "At least even if I can't resist him, he'll resist me."

Peroxide and perhaps a little fried, your blonde hair had caught his attention in the early days - but you had dyed your hair dark in a bid to keep it. 

He'd said some bullshit in a conversation amongst friends about his preferences, and how he favoured the 'natural look'. You weren't together at the time, not officially - but everyone there was a friend of his. They all knew you'd be going home with him. It only took two boxes of dye to get him asking to be exclusive. A week later he was introducing you to his friends as his girlfriend. 

Funny what a little bit of conformity can do for a man who loves playing by the rules. 

You assume his desire to tick the boxes and do what is expected of him is also why he was such a bellend when it came to the glitter you liked to dust yourself in. 

Nobody's perfect though, so he was willing to overlook it. Was just one of the flaws he perceived in you. When you love someone, you accept them.

He ultimately never grew to love it, but for a while, you thought he might.

Bleach boxes in one hand, another bottle of wine in the other, you waste no time and head straight for the bathroom. Danbi follows you right in. She's always there to lend a hand or at least provide a Spotify playlist to get you through your woes. 

Folding the powder into the developing lotion by the sink, you know your bleach-induced bathroom antics could get you a spot in a Brad Mondo video.

All a little haphazard, you're without a mixing bowl and brush, so are having to use an old takeout container and a plastic spoon, instead.

It's not quite how the instructions suggest you should mix it all up, but no good ever comes from following the rules.

You'd tried for Seokjin, and look where that got you.

Unlike him, trusty Tupperware has never done you dirty before. No reason why it should now. 

Danbi sits on the closed toilet seat, legs crossed, a small bottle of bubbles in her hand. The bubbles had been a Christmas party favour from the office job she'd quit four months ago. Rediscovered when she'd been cleaning her room earlier that day, Danbi had taken to blowing pretty little bubble flurries your way all afternoon. 

Your reflection is captured in the peacock sheen of the bubbles while you study your rapidly developing hair in the mirror. 

You haven't bothered to change out of your shirt. It's not yours. One of Seokjin's. It's navy, and you hope the bleach ruins it.

"I think I've fucked up," you say all rather calmy, talking about your hair and not the shirt. It's not the end of the world if you have. Just hair, you always think.

Danbi shrugs. Has clearly spent too much time in your company, because she echoes exactly what you're thinking: "Just hair, babe. It'll grow."

That's the joy of your friendship; you both encourage each other with the same dumb remarks whenever you feel like you've reached the point of no return. 

After all, if you can't go back? 

Go forward.

"Plus," she adds, blowing more bubbles instead of taking a breath. "You can just chalk it up to being your hot mess era."

"Been in that for months already," you smile at her in the reflection of the mirror. You prod a little at your roots, and know that you definitely should have waited a little longer to work the bleach up to them. Bollocks.

You've done this enough times to know you'll end up with a gold band haloing around the top of your hair thanks to how easily your roots always lift. Nightmare. 

"Exactly, so you may as well look the part," Danbi encourages. Worst influence going, she is. Also the best at times, too. You find comfort in the fact she won't always say what you want to hear, but what you need to hear instead.

The conversation dissolves into empty chatter, gossip about Danbi's dog walking clients, mentions of Taehyung and how he's still trying to talk her into a mates-rates discount despite the fact they aren't actually 'mates'. She asked you about your Bartender That Smiles, and you say he's all good - before you have to insist there's nothing going on there. 

"He's got issues with his ex," you explain.

She rolls her eyes. "Don't they all? Boys and their first loves, I swear to God."

"Not sure she was his first," you defend, though you're not sure why. The thought lingers as you rummage around for an old tube of toner that you know you have hiding in the bathroom cabinet somewhere. It's been a while since your hair was pale enough to take toner, so it's been pushed right to the back.

Danbi is shooed from her perch on the toilet seat and into the living room as you let the shower run to heat it a little.  

The first crash of water against your skin is lukewarm. Tepid. Unappealing, but necessary. 

You hate anything other than boiling-you-alive degrees Celsius, but know you need to be kind to your hair after the torture you've put it through. The water runs cloudy until the bleach is rinsed out, and then it runs purple thanks to your silver shampoo. It pools around your feet and seeps into the drain. Wishful thinking has you hoping memories of Seokjin will do just the same.

It's just to preemptively tone it, but you can't help but worry about the pigment taking too strongly on your roots. 

The ash toner you found in the cupboard is in a box by the sink. You plan on putting that over the top of whatever mess your hair is anyway, but it doesn't hurt to get a head start on the process. 

The water glistens a deep violet, briefly coating your skin - and for some reason, all you can think about is Jeongguk, and how you'd really like to be downing a Purple Starfucker (or five) with him right now. He really is the perfect distraction. 

Still, you have a task at hand. You rinse your hair; ring it out. Sigh as you frown at the mess that greets you in the mirror - lilac roots, a yellow band haloing just like your thought it would, and silver ends. Brilliant.

It's as you're sitting with Danbi in the living room a little while later - body wrapped in a towel that isn't half as fluffy as Jeongguk's favourite, ashy toner smothering your peroxide blonde hair - that you notice your phone flash on the coffee table.

Danbi clocks it first, and stifles a laugh as she reads the screen. "Isn't that the guy from the club?"

You assume she means Jeongguk, and are a little perplexed to see it's Jimin's name on your screen instead. 

"Yeah... Jimin. Smooth talker, shit shagger."

"A glowing review."

"Hey, I still let him think he was good," you say as you reach for your phone to read his message out loud to Danbi. "You guys out tomorrow night?"

Sipping on her wine, Danbi raises a brow. Shakes her head in confusion. "He hoping for round two?"

"Fuck knows."

It's just gone midnight, so you consider maybe he's thinking about his desire for a hook-up, and is hoping for a safe bet in the form of you. 

And so you don't reply. If he double texts, you'll just lie and say you've fallen asleep.

The scent of your toner is beginning to give you a headache, so you go to rinse it and bid farewell to your final day as a brunette.

Sleep evades you. Doesn't want to let go of who you were, apparently. Wine makes you sleepy, and yet you're wired as if you've just had a triple shot americano.

But then it's three in the morning, and all you can seem to smell is the deep conditioner you bathed your hair in that evening. 

Somehow, when you look to the empty space beside you - delicately ruffled, a dent prevailing in the pillow - you convince yourself that you can smell fig leaves and coconut. The notes of his favourite aftershave linger like the ache in your chest. It's hollow, and you can't work out why it hurts quite as much as it does. 

If there's nothing there, how can it be so painful?

You sniff back tears that fail to truly form and pull your phone from beneath your pillow. It's hard to move your fingers when they're tangled up in puppet strings that Seokjin is refusing to let go of, but eventually you manage to tap through some Instagram stories in a bid to distract yourself from him. 

Inspirational quotes don't do much for you, nor do the engagement pictures of people you haven't given a second thought since graduation. There's an abundance of them. Smiling faces. Diamonds, or maybe just cubic zirconia. Fresh sets of nails, hands that are pink and warm from the heat of whoever's been holding them.

It's a curious thought; what people who haven't spoken to you in years must think of you now. 

You were the one who was going to succeed. Going far in life, made for a boardroom, would look incredible in a pantsuit - and yet you're working in a cafe, first-class degree of no more worth than the tissue paper you flush down the toilet. 

See, you switched out life goals for glitter. You wear it like armour; protect yourself from the world around you. Who cares about seriousness and success when you're a constant disco? Not you. Could never be you.

Or at least, you hope that's what people think. Hope that no one realises you're covering yourself in artificial shine; like a canvas in acrylic because you were too impatient to watch the oil paint dry.

One day you'll glow. Glow for real. 

For a while, you thought you had been with Seokjin. 

All you see when you look in the mirror these days is tarnished silver; copper alloy pretending to be much more than what it really is. Your skin will turn green eventually.

There is, however, one person you've managed to fool. 

When his story pops up - a repost of tomorrow night's paint party event at Dionysus - you find yourself clicking through to your DM thread without much thought. You know he's at work. Know it's a 50/50 whether or not he'll get back to you before your mind begins to berate you again for how miserable you feel. 

It's a simple message - hey - and you're pleased that it's met with an equally simple reply not even a minute later.

JustJK: To what do I owe the pleasure?

You decided that 'I'm about to cry over my shitbag ex so chose to message you instead' probably won't be Jeongguk's favourite thing to hear, so you opt for a little white lie.

You: Just wondering how the kids are <3

Part of you worries he won't understand what the fuck you're on about - but of course, he does. He's Jeongguk. Gets you better than you get yourself, these days.

JustJK:  Missing their mother. 

JustJK:  Perry the Pigeon almost fell earlier.

JustJK:  Roger the Robin looks like he has a broken wing.

JustJK: Must be one of yours. Inherited his mother's wonkiness <3

With each message that comes through, your smile grows wider in the midnight darkness of your bedroom. 

You: Careful or I'll file for joint custody.

You: Get poor Roger away from his father's cruel remarks </3

There's an ease to how you joke together, both aware of how unserious you are. There's no second-guessing, no worrying about saying the wrong thing. If you do, you'll say sorry and move on. No harm, no foul.

JustJK: Your appeal won't hold up in court, Byeol.

JustJK:  You've neglected them ever since you spawned them.

JustJK:  Haven't even paid them a visit!!!

Laughter stifles in your throat as your body curls up into a more comfortable position. The audacity of this boy, you think, ignoring the way he manages to get you entirely focused on something that isn't your own despair.

You:  You've got full custody!!!

JustJK:  And you're still allowed to come for supervised visits!!!!!

JustJK:  smh and to think you call yourself their mother.

JustJK: I'm their mother now.

You pout at your screen, and whine a small little 'nooo'. 

You:  They need me :(

JustJK: Come and see them, then. They miss their mother.

You:  Tomorrow?

He reads the messages instantly, but takes a little longer than usual to reply. It worries you slightly. Makes you more aware of your surroundings. The scent of Seokjin's aftershave begins to permeate the air once more.

Until, all rather suddenly, it doesn't anymore.

JustJK:  I'm not working tomorrow night, but Jimin's insisting on going to the paint party - you coming?

You:  Will Perry the Pigeon be there?

JustJK: If he falls before I leave for the club, then yes.

It's not a bad proposition. One that quite intrigues you. One that has you agreeing, and him telling you to fuck off and go to sleep. He's got work to do, he says. 

It's actually quite quiet at the club - Yeonjun just caught him looking at his phone with a dumb smile a few too many times for Jeongguk's liking. Doesn't wanna get caught out again. 

Especially doesn't want him catching onto the fact that there's a reason Jeongguk's eyes light up like Disco Balls when he looks at his phone.

Yeonjun doesn't really have friends who are girls, Jeongguk reasons with himself. Won't understand that he's perfectly capable of having a little flirt without it meaning anything more than that - after all, isn't that just what banter is? Friendly flirting? He does it with the boys all the time. Doesn't mean fuck all. Just fun.

Jeongguk's a couple of years older than his cerulean-haired coworker, and has learnt the hard way that you really shouldn't escalate friends above the level of purely platonic. One day Yeonjun will realise this. 

For now, though, Yeonjun'll shag anyone who looks at him in the right direction. Has probably already ruined a few good friendships. Doesn't even realise he's done it.

Jeongguk trusts himself not to make the same mistakes he's made in the past with you. Thinks that he's pretty happy with how things are. Has missed the dynamics of friendships with girls. Is looking forward to Monday movie night with you and Danbi again.

And yet when he gets home to find Perry the paper pigeon on his bed, he can't help but smile.

You wake up to a picture of the fallen bird in your DMs - and even though you'll whine and complain about it when you see him that evening, all you can do is smile, too.

JustJK:  Looks like we're having a wholesome family trip to Dionysus tonight.

You: Mummy and Daddy reunited at last <33 Perry will be so happy.

JustJK: It's okay, you don't have to lie.

JustJK:  I know you're talking about yourself, not Perry.

Jeongguk doesn't send the message where he tells you not to call him Daddy. Knows you'll read into it; tease him about it. It's not like he's got a thing for it, or anything, he just... maybe wouldn't be opposed to it, and so he'd rather not be called it when he's having casual conversations with you. Wouldn't wanna get flustered. 

Part of you already knows this. Is precisely why you'd said it. It's not really your style, not the kind of thing that gets you going.

But it is also exactly why you choose to end your next message with, 'See you tonight, Daddy x'.

You're laughing as you send it.

And as he receives it, Jeongguk groans. Buries his head into his pillow. Crumples Perry a little in the process. Whines. 

"Don't fuck this up, Jeongguk."

AO3 | MASTERLIST | NEXT

[lobsterfork]

i unapologetically, unironically love crush. like it tries so hard to be anti-spuffy but david fury was a FOOL to think that the line "I'm drowning in you, Summers" wasn't going to irreparably alter my brain chemistry. that Spike almost falling over himself to open a door for Buffy wasn't going to make me positively unhinged.

literally the only thing i don't like about this episode is fury patronising the audience with his ham-handed, puritanical Hunchback analogy.

but it's fine, 'cause buffy didn't do the reading.

[iceeericeee]

I wonder how many tags i can add on to this

[mokeonn]

I'm playing bg3 again and trying out the honor mode (which as it turns out, might be a bad idea if you never beat the game in general, much less beat it in tactician mode) and I have been confronted with the fact that I absolutely have dnd race favoritism and it absolutely is contributing to my need for many many bg3 saves because I constantly think "hmmm I want to try playing as a deep gnome to see if I get special dialog with Barcus Wroot, the Iron hands, and the underdark" before picking Drow for the 4th time.

[sisterdivinium]

I did some gushing over WN on Dreamwidth for the Snowflake Challenge if anyone is interested.

[keeps-ache]

'you're too technical' no i'm not!! you're using the wrong phrase and the wrong words and equivalating two things that are nearly complete opposites and/or irrelevant to each other !!

[luvevee]

Idk maybe it's fine to accept Sada and Turo are just really shitty parents who neglected and abandoned Arven instead of pulling the shortest straws in an attempt to make them seem like they were just sad workaholics who got too caught up in their work like a bad hallmark movie

[supercantaloupe]

i kinda think that any portrayal of don giovanni and leporello’s relationship is incomplete if it doesn’t acknowledge that there is both genuine friendship/affection between them AS WELL AS abuse and hatred. they contain fucked up multitudes