#I guess it is because of the amount of hours I spend on the computer using the mouse and tablet 🤔 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

vad-hander · 6 months

Text

YOU KNOW WE'RE NOT COMPATIBLE, RIGHT?

pairing: Haechan x reader

others: Mark, Jaemin, Jeno as Haechan's friends.

warnings: reader is mean and degrading towards Haechan throughout the fic (but nothing serious), mentions of drugs and alcohol, mentions of stealing, Haechan gets injured (breaks his leg, no graphic descriptions), explicit description of sexual interactions between Haechan and reader, unrequited love, reader has issues with showing her feelings, scared of other people's opinion, slowburn, romance

words: 13,7k

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3

“Hey.”

“Hey.” your head lifted at the sound of your roommate.

“He's left already?” you felt your lips form a smile unconsciously.

“Yeah, I literally cannot look into my computer a minute longer.” you sighed dramatically, shutting down the laptop on your knees after you got notified all the work was finally saved and dropped against the back rest.

It was your 8th working session in the past two weeks with Haechan. You’ve never seen Lee Haechan so often, never had to sit right next to him in pure quietness for hours and try to have some sort of thinking process.

It was difficult any way you looked at it and you were glad he was finally gone. At least, for the evening.

Apparently, Jeno needed his help immediately and Haechan could never say no to a friend in need, which is a quote.

Talking of needs, you wondered what happened to this man’s needs since having him as a working partner seemed to somehow kill his hormones. Even when you very much intentionally set a couple of your meetings in his house the boy didn’t lay a single finger on you.

Figuratively speaking, because in fact the only thing he laid on you in those past 2 weeks were his palms. On your shoulder, or leg but it didn’t go past a teasing touch and you were confused beyond and above.

“I can imagine studying with Lee Haechan be tiring.” she cackled, placing her body on the armrest next to you. Her hand going under her head for support, making the girl take a half laying position on an armrest close to you, almost pressing her body to yours.

You probably reeked Haechan since the boy was practically attached to you at your hip for the past 5 hours, you were afraid she’d be able to pinpoint the scent of him, or more honestly you didn’t want her to ruin that scent with her fresh meadow scented deodorant.

“He’s actually doing a good job.” you smiled awkwardly, noticing the eyes of your friend. A cunning fox type of stare wasn’t a good thing coming from Eunsoo, you could not wonder immediately if she saw how handsy Haechan was before he left and was testing the waters before jumping onto you with questions? Did she hear him asking if you’re free tomorrow night? Or worse, did she see him rub his face against your neck, saying he needed a break to distract his thoughts for a later on better thinking process?

In all honesty, Haechan rubbed his face against you too many times during your sessions to go unnoticed by people around and the amount of times you were in fact ready to help him distract his brain and he never proceeded with the action made you tired, upset and even slightly annoyed.

“What, what is this smile?” you laughed it off awkwardly, very awkwardly, to be completely honest. You looked away to hide your eye twitch.

“Surprised you’re not ripping hair off your head after every working session with him.” she laughed, and… it felt lie she maybe testet the water...? Did she try to tap on the fact you didn’t really hate spending time next to him?

“I-, he-, it’s funny to say, he’s good with academic studies, apparently, and if he’s not just typing gibberish into the laptop I think we might even be one of the top students.” you chuckled. “Oh, by the way, we left some food in the fridge, if you’re hungry.”

“We?” she teased with a smirk.

“My God, Eunsoo.” your eyes rolled backwards.

“No, it’s a good thing, I guess.”

“What is a good thing?”

“We’re not hating on Haechan anymore, right?”

“I don’t think anybody actually really hated him in our friend group... except for Sua?" your thoughts trailed off before you got back "Why are you asking, anyway?”

“Ugh-agh.” she swallowed and fixed the hair on her head.

“You’ve got something you wanted to say, don't you?”

“Me? No? I was just testing the waters.“ your heart missed a beat because you were totally right. You cleared your throat in an attempt to unnoticeably calm your heart down.

“Testing the waters, huh?“ still, you couldn’t keep yourself from shuffling, having to stand up and actually move around the room to not seem suspicious to your friend that acted way too suspicious herself.

“Since you two are seem to be more friendly than before, not to jump far too ahead, but we all can be… friends… now?” she questioned, shaking her head a little as if the thought alone was still a little bewildering to her. It did seem bewildering to you too, every one of you being close to each other, being friends. “I thought I could ask you once again if you’d like to go on the boat trip that happens to be next weekend?“

“I don’t know.“ You shook your head with no answer.

Maybe you should come, for your friends, for Eunsoo, not mind Haechan, his presence and presence of all his friends. At the end of the day, you don’t even have to look at each other, but on the other hand avoiding him could give him the wrong idea, the idea that your feelings for him have changed?

“Ya, look.” Eunsoo clapped, as her voice went a little louder, making you come back to reality “’I don’t know is much more of a better answer than a straight up no. Haechan must’ve shaken your ground, huh?“ her brows went up and down playfully.

“Yeah, sure. He’s such a charming, lovely and smart guy I suddenly couldn’t imagine us part ways for the weekend, now that we’re all BFFs.“ Eunsoo laughed.

“Oh please don’t go in detail about your newly found passion in Haechan, I still have food to digest.“ She gagged jokingly. “Anyway, I’ma bout to shake your ground even more.“

“I’m all ears.“ You wiggled your brows playfully.

“The boat trip is free.“ you gasped, squinting your eyes in confusion.

“How come? How’d you make Jeno agree to that? What did you promise him?“ You jumped up to your friend, hand on your heart in concern.

“Nothing, I didn’t need to-“

“Jeno himself suggested I’m coming for free?“ you stared at her wide-eyed, trying to get a secret out of her that she obviously wasn’t keeping too well.

“Ugh, not really-“ Eunsoo tried to get an answer out of her mouth but her brain was definitely not cooperating and you didn’t want to stop asking questions at the kinda exciting news. You took a moment in your brain to question yourself. Why exactly did the thought excite you so much? Jeno was practically a stranger to you. “So did you ask him to? Soo-yah, I’m starting to think he might have a crush… on me…? Of all people?!“ you couldn’t hold back a giggle.

“I don’t-“ The girl paused calmly.

“He wants me to come no matter what? If he’s saying it’s free suddenly? I’m sure Sua and Aeri transferred him money last week.“

“Ugh… you sorta got it right.“ She sighed.

“Wh-“ you started confused “No, what?“ You spoke louder. “What did he say? What did he say?“ You pulled onto Eunsoo’s hand for more info, like an excited puppy.

“He just asked if you decided on coming… I said no, you’re not going to be there so he just said I can take you with me…” she paused and then suddenly continued “Said you have to be there no matter what so I’m here asking you if you’d come if it was free?“

“Should I?“ You chuckled.

“If you want to?“ She spoke awkwardly, you had to take a step back and recollect yourself.

“Hey, I… actually, I thought Jeno had a thing for you and you two were slowly drifting in that direction? What happened with that? Thats very out of the blue…? Him wanting to see me there. When we’re there I should tell him I’m not interested, you d-.“

“No, no!“ Eunsoo jumped up. “Don’t tell him anything.“

“Why?“

“I-ugh, he’s going to be pissed I told you, just don’t mention anything, it’s better you act the usual.“

“Are you sure?“

“Yeah, yeah, don’t go out of your way just to refuse him.“

“I-oh, okay. But are you okay with that?“

“Yeah, yeah. So you’re going then, right?“

“Guess I’m going, then.“ you chuckled.

“Fantastic.“ Eunsoo clapped her hands relieved, the conversation seemed too awkward for her, it could not not gut you. “I’ll go eat leftovers of your fancy lunch with your new best friend.“

From: Haechan

Great news, cupcake.

To: Haechan

What news?

From: Haechan

You’re coming to Jeno’s little party

To: Haechan

So it’s great news now

Didn’t you say that I’ll shit your party?

From: Haechan

Aw, baby, you’re keeping everything I say close to your heart, I’m honoured

Don’t worry tho, I changed my opinion and I’m going to make the best of your presence

To: Haechan

Awww poor baby, You must’ve gotten a little too comfortable and forgot we’re not friends

it’s fine though, I’ll say hi back to you once I see you on that boat

From: Haechan

I hope you’re not getting sea sick and stuff

I’ve never done you on water, won’t forgive you for ruining my chance

And then sure, lets not talk

To: Haechan

and, I’m sure you’re overestimating Jeno’s abilities, isn’t it going to be more of a catamaran type boat? lol

From: Haechan

why the caps lock you want to make sure I know you’re not getting sea sick?

To: Haechan

F u

Go finish the project on your own

From:Haechan

You’re not much of a help anyway

To: Haechan

And finish yourself off on your own too <3

Excuse me, I’m not much of a help?!?

Your life’s about to end

From: Haechan

If you’re considering staring at me while I actually work on our paper help, I’ve got bad news for you cupcake

You gasped scandalised and threw your phone away. Annoying Haechan and his annoyingly good eyesight, you thought, he deserves to be left on read.

From: Haechan

whoopsie, was I supposed to keep my mouth closed?

You never were supposed to text me in the first place, you mumbled under your breath, suddenly being too worked up by him. His senseless messages made your heart wake up and burn, not with love and passion, with embarrassment and that long forgotten, almost dead feeling of wishing to end his cocky smile and witty brain.

From: Haechan

come on, don’t act like you’re surprised

I thought you were this obvious on purpose

weren’t you?

You stared at the phone blankly, considering your options.

from: Haechan

hey

hey!!

you

to: Haechan

I’ll block you if you won’t stop

from: Haechan

why?

to: Haechan

hey

Hey

You

Hey

You

Fuck

You

like it?

from: Haechan

okay baby go back to what you were doing, bye

to: Haechan

thanks

You reached out for the bedside table in pure darkness, blindly finding your phone. When the gadget was finally in your hands you lit up the screen.

“Fuck”, you mumbled under your breath as the screen burned your eyes. 2 AM, the clock marking an hour and 30 minutes of tossing and turning in bed because everything turned out to be more than you were able to handle. All your thoughts and feelings suddenly were much more than what you could process and you were sincerely dreading the new day that would bring more concerns and more importantly more Haechan.

You needed more random things to flood your mind so they’d be able to overlap the Haechan ones you had because thinking of Haechan in the middle of the night was giving you a headache. Did he think of you too…? Sometimes, maybe, at least at all, ever? How did you end up getting here? You’d chuckle if someone else asked you that question.

Middle of the night, palms sweaty from overthinking too much, heart trembling a little because the boy you used to just have sex with smashed the lock on the door to your feelings with no mercy.

Was he intentionally invading your inner peace? Did he want to stir your feelings as part of his stupid ego stroking, did you imagine things, come up with all that in your head? You needed Lee Haechan to take responsibility for his actions, he overstepped the boundary way too many times, now he flirts with you as an addition to everything else. Baby? Seriously, baby, cupcake was much of a better nickname, at least you knew it was meaningless and not personal. It felt like he wasn’t bothered too much to remember what your actual name was and stuck to something that made your relationship feel like a transaction. Baby is definitely giving a feeling to you, a little too intimate for your liking, it’s like he was claiming he liked you, like he claimed you his something and you were in some sort of relationship.

What if his silly brain already spilled things to his group of friends about you and him? Your heartbeat fastened even more. Oh how you hated yourself for laying in that bed and still thinking of Haechan’s message when it’s been an ungodly amount of hours since he sent it.

Maybe, it’s just you going crazy since that day he took you out.

What if…? You had to toss onto the other side of the bed at the thought. What if he does all of this to play with you? Since the day you told him to not kiss you Haechan seemed to change his game, he just plays to try make you brake the rule of no kissing first. He’s that type of person to do things only to satisfy his own needs and satisfy his ego. Oh god, you had to sigh again.

Were you going through all stages of grief or something like that? Now you’re on the demonising the person of your concerns stage? Sigh, sigh, sigh.

You couldn’t sigh any louder or you'll literally wake up Eunsoo.

Maybe, at this point, you’d really let him do anything to fulfil whatever plan he had. You’d gladly accept defeat if only he’d let you smash your lips against his right this moment, it doesn’t even have to be literally right this moment. If you’d get reassurance you’d be able to do it in the morning you’ll do anything in your power to conquer your feelings and finally fall asleep to hold on till the new day.

“Just to clarify, I was staring at you because I couldn’t stop wondering, if you had brain in that head of yours all along, why did you act like you didn’t, not because of whatever you thought.” you slapped your palm against Haechan’s chest for no particular reason, it seemed to you it’ll give more effect, persuade him more you were telling the truth. A very puzzled expression on the boys face turned into even more confused one as your palm stayed on him for a few seconds.

“Okay?”

“Good.” you nodded, and took a step back.

“I didn’t ask. What are you even on about?” your eyes suddenly glued to his. He still was confused, that’s for sure. Well, who wouldn’t, in all honesty. You popped out of the blue on his way to the campus, first thing in the morning like a psychopath. You weren’t even sure you didn’t look like one.

“Ugh… huh?” your brain processed his question. “What do you mean what I’m on about?”

“When were you staring? I just got here.”

“Your message on Friday.”

“Oh, that.” he smirked immediately. “I was just shitting you, but it seems like I hit the spot right?”

“You- fuck you.”

“Come on, don’t act like you’re not enjoying me texting you.”

“I don’t. You’re always interrupting.”

“Yeah? What exactly did I interrupt on Friday?”

“I-, I was doing something. It’s none of your business.”

“Okay, I’ll stay out of it then.” the slight nod and completely lost interest in his eyes kind of pinched you.

You maybe wanted him to pick on you, push and tease so he’d get straight to whatever he was interrupting but he just didn’t. Did he lose all his interest in you? Or was this just a tiresome Monday morning and he wasn’t in for the game?

You weren’t that much of a talkative friend when it came to him. You weren’t about to giggle and ask him why he's so stiff this morning. You were about to start sweating that’s for sure, your palms were feeling too warm because you maybe wanted to tell him something but maybe talking to him suddenly felt like imposing. Were you about to go insane over Lee Haechan? Over him and the fact he didn’t have a thing to say to you. Since when?

“Okay.” you nodded too and wanted to walk straight past him, but it felt like you made it hard for yourself to breathe. “The presentation of the project is this Wednesday. I’m almost done with the slides but we need to go through the text, who’s saying what, who’s presenting which part and all that stuff.” you didn’t want to look at him anymore while talking. Why did you not want to look at him? You couldn’t understand yourself at all. Your wishful thinking brought you here in front of him early in the morning after almost a sleepless night. Somehow you thought he’d tease you and smile at you and set another date for seeing each other wether it’d be for sex or food or school. At this point you caught yourself not caring at all as long as it’s something to do with him. You could understand the change in your demeanour, but what was up with him? You really wanted to clap in front of his eyes and ask him what’s up.

The change in you obviously scared you. It made you sincerely concerned for your self. You probably needed to talk this out with someone but the more you went through with that first sentence you’d start the conversation with the more you felt self-conscious to bring it up even as a thought that might’ve popped up in your head once or twice.

The more you thought of it the more you brought up heaviness on your shoulders. Were you imagining or did Haechan change? His behaviour seemed colder than before? Did he change his demeanour because he felt you actually fall for his flirting and the pure intentions of his flirting were not to make you fall for him… it was to watch you be uncomfortable?

Were you actually beating around the bush and not admitting to yourself truthfully the four letter word you were feeling towards him. No, not the big four letter word, the smaller one, but very much dear to your heart, very fragile as it still felt like early stages of processing the feeling. And even though your body might’ve not been new to it, since your brain was only able to work it out recently, your body was sent signals to act like the feeling was very new to it too, and it obeyed perfectly.

You actually had to stop yourself, because you were starting to feel even more hot, getting the fact you might’ve looked insane by now, even. You took a quick glance at Haechan’s face, crossing with his stare only to go blank and look away quickly. Was he sensing the inner battle you had and was disgusted? Didn’t want to be part of it? If the two of you stood there a little longer you were sure you’d make yourself cry right there. Overthinking was definitely your specialty.

“We’re super short on time, if you don’t mind splitting the presentation on your own and sending to me my parts-.”

“Yes, I can very much do that.”

“Great, see you around, then.”

“Yes.” you gave him a nod, you’re sure tho it wasn’t seen. Great, now Haechan didn’t even want to prepare the presentation with you in person.

The clock on the wall was barely audible now that the classroom was practically packed with students. Still, the only thing your hearing was focused on were the seconds that turned into minutes. Your eyes were trained on the door and your fingers would stop fidgeting the pen every time someone walked past the entrance but would get back to work every time because every person that walked through the door wasn’t Lee Haechan. Where the hell was he? You closed your eyes for a 5 second breather.

Finally, the clock reached 10 AM, one minute later the professor walked into the auditorium and closed the door right behind him.

“Glad to see you all so cheerful. Bet each and every one of you is thrilled to present your work and get the passing grades?” the young man smiled and cleared his throat, making the whole room quiet.

Again, the quiet room brought the ticking sound upon you. Tic-tac-tic-tac.

to: Haechan

Where are you? We’re 5th to present. Professor's about to start the class.

Your eyes raised at the door once again as one of the students ran in apologising for being late.

“I think I’ll just go sit in the back and let the first group prepare for the presentation?” professors eyes moved over the classroom to see the first ones to stand up. “Oh, Ms. Moon and Ms. Ong, great.” he gave Sua and her partner a nod and non-verbally invited them to the front to set up their presentation.

to: Haechan

Why the hell are you not reading my message?

Your only excuse is you’re running your legs off to get here in time for our turn.

Please?

You had to add when the message was still unread. Did he die by any chance? Overslept because he was memorising his parts till very late at night? You dialled the number - pure silence was what you were met with besides the monotonous rings on the other side of the line.

You had to breathe because not only were you starting to feel overwhelmed by the end of the third groups presentation, you were realising you had almost no time left to run through the parts Haechan was meant to present and prepare yourself at least a little.

“Hey, pst!“ your head snapped in direction of the whisper. “Where’s that little freak?“ Sua leaned over the students in front of her to hear your answer properly, but you had no words for her, you shrugged and turned away to not start bawling your eyes out in panic.

“Mr. Lee and -“ professor announced running his eyes to scan the faces of present students. “I don’t think I see Mr. Lee in here.“ His eyes landed on you, as he called out your surname. “What happened to Mr. Lee? Is he running late? Will you be okay to present on your own?”

”I think- I guess he’s running here so he’s not responding. Could we please listen to the next presentation and return to us later? Please?” The man looked at you for a good minute, probably debating if he should give you time or force you to do it now by yourself. Your teary eyes must have swayed him towards the first option and he gave you a nod, reading off the paper the next project couple.

”Okay, you’re the last one to present tonight.”

”Thank you. Thank you so much.” you trained your eyes on the papers in front of you to memorise whatever Haechan was meant to talk about on those slides. You were agonising, if only you actually put in work to put everything together instead of letting Haechan take care of everything. It felt like you gave in to the devil and now had to pay the price for giving in. Your eyes ran through words but all your brain processed was either ‘fuck you Haechan’ and ‘you better show up before the end of that class’. Actually if he showed up after all the stress you went through right now, you’d choke him right at the entrance.

Currently you were in the state where you barely remembered your own part and what was the topic of the paper at all.

He didn't come. Not when it was 20 minutes before the end of the class, not even when you had 10 minutes left and got up in front of everyone to present.

This very moment you were in the cafeteria with your head hanging low while Aeris hand soothed your back and Sua sat right next to you blabbering non-stop.

"No, I literally knew being paired up with that annoying leech would end up terrible for you. Like I had a gut feeling he's going to find a way to fuck this all up."

"Haechan literally worked his butt off for that paper, I don't think he'd just fleet like that. Must be something serious." Eunsoo pointed and you almost did agree with her, it didn't seem like Haechan wanted to dodge this class on purpose but at the same time you could never know what actually happened in that little shits head and predict his thinking was like punching air - useless.

"Yes, serious, like he has to be literally dead now for it to be serious enough excuse to dodge a presentation class like that. Did he read your texts?" Aeri patted your back for attention. You pulled out your phone to still unread messages and shook your head a no. You were slowly calming down and wished he'd pop up before you as soon as possible so you'd still have fume in you to fight.

"Hey, it wasn't that bad. You literally got an A- and presented perfectly."

"I stuttered like an idiot every 2 words." you spoke for the first time in 15 minutes making everyone relieved.

"If it was actually as bad as it seems to you you would've never gotten an A-"

"I still don't understand why you told that freak took great part in that paper with you. You had a perfect chance to pay him back but instead he gets an A while probably sleeping in his bed comfortably or some shit." Sua shook her head dissaprovingly.

"Should've made him pay for real." Aeri agreed.

"I want to dodge the next class, honestly, I wasn't prepared for that much stress in one morning."

"I can cover for you." Eunsoo suggested.

"And I can dodge the class with you." Sua cackled and Aeri suggested the same.

"I, ugh, I think I'm just gonna go home and stare at the wall and meditate." you excused yourself from the girls company and stood up.

"If you want to you can have the piece of cake in the fridge."

"That's a real sacrifice, Eunsoo, God." you chuckled and pulled yourself together. "Okay, I guess, see ya tomorrow."

"Bye, bye!"

"Don't think about that loser too much!"

As soon as your feet walked up to the disagnated floor you didnt just walk, you stormed to the needed door. Even before your feet stopped at their place, your finger was already pressing into the doorbell.

Of course, you weren't about to go back home, stare at the wall and not think that the stupid boy that stirred your insides for the past couple of weeks suddenly faded like he was never there. He was very much there and he was very much invested in getting a good grade. You heard some shuffling behind the door and as it opened you stared at the boy that never stopped you wondering how can you hate someone even more than you hated them the day before.

"Jesus fucking christ." He exclaimed and pulled your hand off the door bell. "Why the hell you're ringing the bell like that. I'm no Sonic." he let go of your wrist to walk back in, expecting you to do the same.

"So you're not dead, after all." you snorted to yourself and walked in.

"Were there any signs?"

"Are you going to pretend like you didn't miss 100s of my calls and messages and didn't skip the very important class we had to present at?"

"Oh? That was scheduled for today?" he opened his mouth in shock, closing it with his palm afterwards. He was obviously sarcastic.

"You're a psycho." You crossed arms on your chest, not planning to walk in any further into his place.

"Why?"

"You skipped our presentation without a notice."

"Maybe I just really wanted you to realise how much you need me." Haechan pressed his shoulder against the wall and smiled at you with that sweet-sweet smile he could only muster when he wanted to be out of this world annoying.

"You're fucking vicious."

"Why?" he batted his eyelashes.

"I-." you swallowed. You really wanted to scream at him, get into a fight or maybe just be mean and rude and then leave but on your way here that bubbling rage inside of you cooled down a little and you just wanted to know what the fuck was wrong with him to act this way. "Why did I even think for a split second that I can rely on you or that we finally are understanding each other a little bit? You're just out of this world psychotic and I will never ever again agree on doing anything with you. Like even that thing we had going on - it's over. I don't want you lay a single finger on me after that stress you put me through." You wanted to say more but he was quiete and almost dead with the face expression so you decided on turning around and walking away. "oh, by the way, I got you an A so don't you worry bout your grades baby boy." you let him know before walking out and smashing the door after.

When you smashed that door you hoped whole heartedly he'd pull you back in by the wrist and explain himself like all those male leads in romcoms do. And you would fotgive him and he'd pull you into a hug and give you that very much wanted kiss you've been thinking of for the past few weeks. You were in fact ready to forgive him when you walked up to his place if only he put in effort to explain, you were to be honest already partially relieved when you saw him alive and well.

But he didn't make a single sound from behind that door and before you walked back down those stairs you decided you'd act out on your pathetic thoughts and slow down with those steps. What if he was putting on some clothes before chasing you down? Or tying his shoe laces before he could walk out. You waited a little bit longer, before it turned way beyond the limits of pathetic behaviour you set. You had to leave and actually get back home.

Act like you weren't affected by his behavior, change of his mood and the mixed signals that were coming from him. You had to act in front of Eunsoo like Haechan didn't affect you deeply and all your thoughts were centered around him.

You couldn't possibly stop yourself thinking if he took your words seriously or he'd figure you were angry and didn't actually mean you didn't want a single finger of his on you, because if he'd reach out first you knew you would not ignore him.

"You're actually lucky you dipped." Eunsoo walked into your room, arms pulling off the hoodie she wore outside. "Can I sit?" the girl asked pointing at your bed.

You nodded, scooping your books to one side of the bed. You decided that studying would be helpful for your brain to stop pacing from one thing to the other but you were proven wrong about an hour ago but still stared into those books like they were about to give in.

"Haechan didn't show up for the rest of the day. Were you successful in finding out what the hell happened with him?"

"No." you shrugged nonchalantly. "I couldn't care less for his reasons. It's for sure the very last time we're working on something together. I mean, worked."

"It's just weird, maybe I'm overthinking." Eunsoo sighed and rested her head on her palm.

"It is indeed weird." you were trying to understand the girl that was sitting on your bed. Was she just talking to you, did she want you to talk out all the shit you had on your mind about Haechan or she knew something and wanted to dig in further out of pure curiosity. "I'm maybe glad I didn't see him at my peak rage cause I'm sure he would've walked away injured." Eunsoo giggled with her mouth hidden behind her other palm.

"I hope you'll completely let go of this ridiculous situation by Friday and will enjoy the party like the queen of unbotherness that you are."

"What party?" you furrowed your eyebrows for a second before your heart dropped down to your feet. "That catamaran thing Jeno's arranging?" That Haechan is totally attending and totally is not going to reach out to you at as he promised before he would.

"He actually sent me the pics. It's a little better than a catamaran." Eunsoo commented after a chuckle, reaching out for her phone to show you the pics. "Jeno said there's a big outside area."

"Very suitable for the season." You smirked.

"Well, it's still pretty warm, I think a lot of padding will save us. And a big enough inside area for dancing, food and other fun things."

"Fun things like what?"

"Games, I don't know, quiz, whatever comes into his mind. Jeno actually isn't that good with stuff like that so I'm wondering a little what all of this going to look like." she showed you a picture of a massive looking tourist boat, yacht, ship? You couldn't really work out what was the right name for that. "Okay, it's not really a catamaran like. I'll take my words back." You smiled honestly impressed. "Wait, how many people are coming? This feels like an expensive thing to rent."

"Jeno's dad is a best friend to the owner of the company that owns those boats. He's paying almost nothing, so we're lucky for a friend like Jeno." she beamed.

"We-, sure." You couldn't hold back a laugh. You weren't sure you ever had even a simple conversation with Jeno before.

"What?" Eunsoo chewed on her cheek probably finally realising she was smiling all the time she was tlaking about Jeno. Not sus at all, you swallowed.

"You do realise I most likely know none of those people invited except for you and Sua and Aeri."

"You know Haechan."

"I'm definitely far from knowing him." you rolled both your eyes at her words. Even if you thought before you did, it's all gone now.

"Well, you two were off to a good start, before... today, you know." She scratched her brow, suddenly getting off your bed. "Ugh, I'm gonna heat up some rice and fry an egg. You want some?"

"Yes please, thank you." You smiled, watching Eunsoo fade behind the door.

Off to a good start, you thought to yourself and almost pulled the hair from your head.

You had a feeling you should not go. You could name a whole damn list of reasons you should just not attend the party stay at home and watch a movie, read a book, listen to a podcast - the list literally goes on, but there were 2 reasons that were strong enough to influence you to come:

1. You would not allow Haechan to think you skipped the party because you were mad at him;

2. It turned out you were pretty weak when it came to resisting Haechan, you couldn't allow yourself to be in bed for the evening, thinking and wondering if Haechan was there, what was he wearing, what did he smell like today and if he would see you would he let the two of you fall back to complete strangers or make a move?

That's why currently you were standing next to Eunsoo in an elevator that was taking you downstairs. A maxi dress with fitted silhouette in mesh with long sleeves, gathered waist, mock neck and all over pattern in dark dusty blue color hugged your body. You didn't really want to dress all out but the dress was giving warm and secured so you just put it on, getting approving nods from the girl next to you.

"I am not letting you come back home without securing Jeno, like I'm being completely serious right now. I don't understand why he's acting like he's blind. If he's not going to drool over you tonight I'm going to punch some sence into him." you giggled "I'm so tired of watching you two beating around the bush."

"We're not!" Eunsoo protested on her way out of the elevator.

"I'm sure he wanted me there so I'd be your wingman."

"Shut up, for real." Eunsoo rolled her eyes at you.

You quickly got into the taxi that awaited the two of you in front of the building. Soon enough you were on the little ladder that connected pier and the boat. A man helped everyone get safely inside of the boat, you guessed it was the captain. As soon as you entered, violet neon light cut your eyes a little as the blackness of the outside contrasted with lighting much. Jeno stood right at the entrance beaming a smile at everyone that entered.

"Welcome to the Jeno boat, we're about to take you on the best ride in your life." Jeno's eyes immediately glued to Eunsoo, not giving a single glance to you.

"I hope the best boat ride in my life will not end up the way your last party ended." You had to swallow to prevent yourself from laughing. Spotting a bar and Sua right next to it, you didn't even need to excuse yourself, you walked away unnoticed by the two, booing Sua as she reached for the drink placed in front of her by the bartender.

"Boo!" you exclaimed, placing your palm on the girls waist.

"Damn!" She exclaimed first annoyed as her drink almost spilled, turning around to probably swear at you, before she processed it was you, her friend. Sua's eyes ran all over your outfit, her tone completely changing. "Damn girl!" She giggled, placing the drink back at the bar table, reaching out for your palm to twirl you in front of her. You twirled like she wanted you to and made a cute pose as a killing point. "What a pretty dress and what a pretty girl. Want to hook up?" Sua shouted to be louder than the music playing with her brows as she leaned into you, with a voice that she probably considered flirtatious but was just giving away it wasn't her first drink of the night.

"What you're having?" you peeked at the drink behind the girl.

"A Pina colada. This one's actually one of the best ones on the menu. I've tried a few other cocktails."

"Off to a great start." You giggled, ordering the same drink.

"Oh." Sua made a sound staring at the entrance and you almost asked her what was up but you heard the loudest scream and giggles after and by all those noises it was impossible for you to not acknowledge Haechan's presence. You considered turning around and checking out his appearance but you weren't still done proseccing his total black outfit from weeks ago and seeing whatever he was wearing now would probably make you weak in the knees.

The bartender handed you your Pina colada, you taking a sip of the drink immediately.

"It does taste good." You gasped at Sua that was finishing off her glass by now.

"See, I told you it's good. Like, really good, I'm impressed." She giggled and took a look at the bartender "Two more, please." The girl probably caught your shocked stare "for you and me." She added.

"Thank you. Want to take a walk outside?" You smiled, you didn't want to turn around and find Haechan somewhere behind you. You wanted to exit the same area he was in and prepare yourself to actually face him. In addition, you did come there to hang out with your friends and specifically give the boy zero attention. You were trying to keep things as they were planned. You had a little bit of an anxious break down because you had a gut feeling once you turn around you'll get caught by him and he'll tease you till your very last day on earth.

"Yeah, sure. More people coming in. I think, everyone by now must be here." Sua stated, making you turn around quickly, seeing no one in a span of a second. Still you spotted there was indeed more people than before. "Oh, I spotted Aeri." She jumped in place excited, waving at the girl that most definitely couldn't see her yet. "Wait here and get our drinks. I'm going to bring Aeri here." You gave Sua a nod as she took off.

The bartender placed both full glasses in front of you in a minute and as more people were gathering around the bar it was harder to stay there and keep your drinks safe. You could feel the boat start moving in a bit and to confirm your assumption you heard a wild noise coming from Jeno. A very loud 'let's go' that was perfectly heard by you even through the music. You had to turn around because it was too much of a temptation to see what mess he was up to. Well, for now, the mess weren't really there, he scooped his closest friends around him, taking all of them at once to the bar. You had to be blind to not see Haechan under Jeno's right arm. He had to bent his back a little to fit in. As he was smiling widely, showing off his perfectly white teeth, eyes disappearing in pure joy. His hair seemed a little messy, like he didn't style it at all, got out of the shower and let them dry naturally. You had a feeling if you'd touch his hair you'd be able to tell if he blow dried them or not. Haechan wore a graphic t-shirt with a zip up black hoodie and a leather jacket. Skinny black jeans that he wore showed off his skinny built, finishing off the look with his casual white trainers. You had to force yourself to blink to not look crazy.

The boys were chatting and as the tone of their voices got seemingly lower you couldn't even guess what they were saying. Haechan freed himself of Jeno's hold, reaching for the menu on the other side of the bar. You turned away, watching Sua and Aeri approach you.

"Hey." Aeri reached out to hug you. "I see that freaky company is already starting their madness." she rolled her eyes.

"If Jeno's here, where's Eunsoo?" you asked, sincerely curios. You weren't able to see Eunsoo from where you were standing.

"She's at the entrance with a girl that took economics with her. Apparently they've got some serious business discussion." Aeri pointed with her hands where you guessed she last saw your mutual friend.

"Okay." you gave her a nod, trying really hard to not stare to the side all the noise was coming from. The whole place was pretty chill, Jeno's friends or most likely acquaintances filled up the improvised dance floor. There was maybe 50 people, probably even more. You couldn't imagine Jeno knowing all of them. You never saw like 90% of these people before, you wondered if every friend brought a friend and a long chain of people showed up here without knowing who people surrounding them were.

You wondered if Haechan brought anyone too to fill up the cost of the trip or what if he really did bring someone because they were his friend, because they were close and he wanted to see them here? You were jealous because you obviously weren't one of the people he wanted to see here.

When Aeri finally got her drink from the bartender that was finally freed from Jeno's besties order, Sua, Aeri and you walked outside, greeted by the breezy wind. Thankfully, lots of blankets were piled up on one of the stools, the three of you immediately covering yourself in multiple layers of those.

"There's even comfortable outside seating." You exclaimed, quickly moving your limbs over to the leather couch with multiple pillows. "I wonder if those pillows were ever at risk of being thrown away into the sea." you chuckled, making yourself comfortable and making room for your friends.

"I bet these are sewed onto this." Sua dropped herself next to you, pulling onto the pillow.

"Wow they are indeed sewed into this couch." You giggled like it was insanely funny to you. It really wasn't, just the 2nd Pina colada on an empty stomach was making your head spin a little.

"It's making me sick a little." Aeri stared into the water that foamed from under the motor. "If you look for too long its kinda starting to make you sick."

"Don't look." Sua laughed, pulling onto Aeris hand.

"Fine." the girl turned to look at the two of you hidden under the blankets, fingers peeking from under them to hold onto Pina coladas. "Were you able to take a glance at all the guests? Any interesting faces?"

"I couldn't see anyone besides Jeno that greeted Eunsoo and I. More like he greeted her and then he got tunnel vision and I ran away to Sua. That's it. I know nobody here except for Jeno's circle. "

"I heard Jeno's bestie Jaemin brought his girlfriend for the first time to meet his boys." Sua cleared her throat before speaking.

"Sweet." Aeri cooed in unison with you.

"People are saying Jeno threw the party so his friend could confess feelings to someone."

"Who? Jaemin to that girl?"

"I guess." Aeri shrugged.

"Look! The moon!" Sua pointed at the sky, making you jump in your sit with the unexpected loudness.

"It looks like a full moon." Aeri commented.

"It's not. It's waning moon, full moon was yesterday."

"Hi Mr.Moon." you giggled, stretching out a hand from the blanket to wave at the sky.

"Hi." Both Aeri and Sua sang.

"Are you three talking to the moon?" Eunsoo forced the three of you turn around to the entrance door. "How many drinks each of you had?" She laughed, walking up to you.

"Not that many." Aeri protested, more on her behalf than yours and definitely not Sua's.

"You three should come back inside, it's warmer there and they're about to play your favorite song, Aeri."

"What?" Aeri exclaimed like she was cut deeply. "And I'm here staring at the water bubbles battling my wish to throw up?" The girl laughed and stood up immediately. "Sua?" the girl suggested.

"I'm kinda having fun right here." Sua smiled like a Cheshire cat.

"Come on, I thought you two would be right in the center of that dancing pit setting the whole party up." Eunsoo pulled onto Sua's hand making the girl stand up too. Sua placed her half empty glass on something plasticy that seemed like a great storing surface at first. Aeri linked her arm with Sua's, taking the girl back inside in pure silence

"I'm kinda offended." You giggled, looking at Eunsoo that took Sua's place. "Did you not expect me to pump up the party?"

"I did!" Your friend protested weakly. "I actually wanted to tell you something."

"Does this have to do anything with Jeno?" You perked up your ears, gossip was one of the things that made you dead excited. You sipped onto the Pina colada that you tried really hard to not finish off.

"Yeah, kinda." Eunsoo smiled shyly. "Wait, I didn't even have a single drink yet, I'll go get myself one before we talk."

"Sure." you giggled " i'll be right here." Eunsoo nodded with a giggle. "get me one too, please." you shouted as the girl was reaching the door, making sure she did actually hear you.

You closed your eyes for a second, focusing your hearing on the loud music blasting inside. It was really loud and tempting, you did want to come back there and have fun with your friends as soon as Eunsoo spills her secrets. It took her a little longer than you expected to return to you and by the time it felt like it was maybe 10 minutes since she left you started to doubt if she'd even return to you at all. It kinda felt nice, the more you drank the less you were worried about Haechan, so you downed the drink in your hand to take the one Sua left behind.

Finally, you heard the door open once again and the lonely steps signalled that it must be Eunsoo. You opened your eyes only when by your calculations she was about to stand right next to you, ready to reach out your hand for the drink when your smile faded completely as your vision worked out the person in front of you.

Haechan was still smiling at you despite your face dropping completely. There wasn't a chance he couldn't read the room, not understand that you didn't want him here or you dreaded breathing the same air as him. That's the main reason you were spending your time here, outside.

"Can I sit?"

"No." you replied firmly, looking away. Your eyes focused on the inside of your glass as you took a sip.

"Please?"

"No." you stated once again, challenging him with a stare.

"I-ugh, I'm sorry, I'm going to disobey." Haechan scrunched his nose, taking a little glance around and sitting down.

"I'm waiting for my friends!" you protested, moving your body into the farthest corner from where Harchan seated himself.

"Okay, I'm just going to sit here wait for your friends with you."

"I don't want your company."

"I know." Haechan reached out his hand to you palm up. You didn't understand if he expected you to hold it or what was the intention of the gesture, but you ignored it. "You look very pretty tonight, if you don't mind me saying. I wish you didn't have to hide here because of me." your head snapped in his direction. You were so exasperated it took you a good second to start talking.

"I'm not hiding here. Not from you or because of you, of all people." you tried really hard to sound scandalised, to not sound like you were exposed and hurt and very much curios why did he come here and where he wanted to take this.

"Good, because it kinda felt like it-"

"It's not." You didn't let him finish his nonsense.

"Okay. I know you're mad at me, it's obvious. I did screw you up skipping our presentation day." Your eyes glued to Haechan's side while his attention was glued to his own fingers. "I didn't mean to, I'm sorry." Haechan moved his eyes to your face, catching you off guard.

"Okay." you gulped before replying.

"I'm really thankful you got me an A even though I made you all stressed out like that." Haechan lowered his voice, teasing his lower lip between his teeth.

"Okay." you nodded quietly not being able to tell him how careless he was and all the things you were practicing because you most definitely was one step away from voicing to him your desires and smashing your lips against his, with the way his teeth were teasing that lower lip.

"Come on, talk to me." The hand that reached out for you before now was gripping carefully onto your knee for attention "If I'm not seeing things that aren't there..." he paused probably picking out words to say, your heart went on pause too. "I probably made you hella confused, I'm so sorry. Whatever I made you think is right." you couldn't find words to talk back so Hyuck continued after a pause "See? I'm trying hard to get over my pride and say I'm sorry. Can't you do the same for me?" Haechan's fingers flexed on your knee.

"I don't have to be sorry for anything." you pressed "If you wanted to say that I was right when I felt like you couldn't care less about me and I wasn't one bit someone worth at least noticing of your plans in advance then thank you for confirmation, I guessed that by now without your help." You tried to shake away his hand off your body. You were feeling a little too warm under his touch.

"I didnt mean that you need to say sorry to me, only the pride part. You really don't want to make it easier for me, aren't you?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." You moved your body more against the back rest, crossing your arms over your chest, your drink close to your mouth. The pineapple smell made you thirsty, you took a sip. If Eunsoo ever planned on coming back it's better she returned with a whole damn tray of drinks with the time it took her, you thought.

Haechans finger still rested over your knee like they were meant to be there. It made you mad a little, that you didn't force him to put it away immediately and now the Haechan fever was spreading over your body.

You reached out a hand, peeling each of his fingers off your knee. Haechan's fingers were freezing, if you weren't mad you would've suggested him a blanket. As soon as he gave in and allowed you to take his hand in yours you reached to take it back to his lap. You wanted to let go as soon as you reached his lap and hide behind the blanket but instead you were caught in claws formed by Hyucks fingers. He forced your palm to rest against his lower stomach, not letting you to win the battle the two of you suddenly had.

"Let go." You tried to sound threatening.

"Not until you're forgiving me."

"Then you'll have to freeze to death and I'll watch you drown in the ocean, Jack." you smarted.

"It's a river, Rose." he cackled, always being ready for a comeback.

"Shut up, I know." You tried to pull your hand out of his hold as it felt like he loosened his grip, but as soon as he could feel you move his hand pressed yours back against his stomach.

Your other hand still held onto the glass and you downed whatever was in there to free your hand.

"I know you know." Haechan smiled warmly at you. You looked at him a little confused, was it the Pina colada or the way his fingers were gripping onto yours? "Are you done with your drink?" the boys finger pointed at the empty glass in your hand. "I'll take it, okay?" Reaching out the next moment to take the glass from you.

You watched Haechan place the glass back to where Sua stored it before. He moved slowly, like he had all the time in the world. You wondered if anyone will eventually walk out that door to have a smoke break or if Jeno will look for Haechan to set you free. Or Sua, or Aeri, or literally anyone. You still had a little hope Eunsoo will remember she wanted to share her news with you and return.

You were buzzing a little inside if you were honest to yourself. Haechan did find you himself, he did say he's sorry, he did hold your hand like he wanted for you two to be closer. Still, he didn't really say anything besides he was sorry. It wasn't enough for you to get your guard down, to let him play you like he wanted to.

"You can let go of my hand, it's not like I'm going to run away from here anyway." you said calmly. You had that warm aura under the blanket, it was pitch black outside but the lights from the inside were making the dim light come through to where the two of you were sitted. Same for the music, you could still hear pretty clearly the muffled sound coming from the inside. It made you reminisce a little about that time Haechan took you out. You moved your eyes onto his face features. Haechan's face softened too as he saw you relax more. You wondered if he thought of that time too, how he rested his head on your lap and made you run your fingers through his hair. If he'd ask you to do that now, you wouldn't mind agreeing.

"Promise?" You gave him a slight nod. "I want us to go back what we had."

"I-" your face dropped a little as the words left his mouth, he clearly felt that as his face expression mirrored yours. He was putting effort for you to allow him the sex he talked about. "I'm not going to sleep with you." you pulled your hand out of his grip, finally.

"I mean to what we had for the last couple of weeks. When we were partners in the project and friends." Your head snapped back in Haechan's direction. "I mean it. I want to be your friend." you blinked at him wordlessly. You felt a little too warm under all those blankets while Haechans ears were seemingly turning pink from the cold outside. You reached out to him with no sound at all, lifting up his palm the moment he realised you were reaching out to him. You ignored the gesture once again, moving up to feel the temperature of his nose and ears with the back of your hand.

"You're freezing. You'll get sick." you half whispered, taking all those blankets off your body. As you sat straight and gathered all the blankets left behind by girls you had to get on your knees on the couch as the dress you were wearing was way too narrow on the legs and didn't allow you to move however you wanted to. "I can share a blanket with a friend." you added quitly, bitting onto your lips afterwards as you busied yourself with covering Haechan who you could tell with your side vision bit into his cheek, staring at you intently.

"Honestly..." Haechan brought your attention to his lips, while your hands reached to his chest with a blanket "You look very pretty tonight..." You pressed your palms against Haechan's chest when you felt his palm very up your thigh, you could feel his fingers tight on your bum. Your heart hitched, you needed immediate medical help but all you got is Haechan’s tightened grip as he felt your body lose balance and give in to him a little "Like, saying this as a friend, very pretty." he added, moving his hand up onto your waist to prove to you it was a friendly gesture indeed. Like he was just trying to help you keep your balance.

"Thank you." you gulped, reaching out to put one more blanket over the boys body, when you felt a little like giving in. It didn't really have to be all the way him, you felt like you had to give him something too. You couldn't really process your own thoughts let alone processing whatever was happening between you two. You sat back down onto your knees next to Haechan, smoothing out the blanket like a caring person over a sick someone. Haechan watched you intently, it almost felt like he could see the thought process inside you, not moving and giving you all the time you needed. You leaned in to him slowly, Haechan's hand sliding up your back the closer you got to him. Your eyes ran over his features, he was as attractive as you could remember him being that day you felt for the first time that he can be attractive. You thought back for a second and wondered if that day even was the first time you thought about him in that way.

You moved one of the hands that supported you from Haechan's chest onto his cheek. You really wanted to caress his cheek like that since that time he rested his head on your lap. You ran the fingers up the skin and it felt even softer than what you imagined. Haechan smiled under your touch, sincerely, you could feel that because you just witnessed him being sincerely happy with his friends. You were feeling overwhelmed with the fact he was right under you, open to anything you would suggest and do. He never felt more real and sincere than now even though he wasn't saying anything at all. You could feel your ears burn with everything you felt for Lee Haechan. His hand that now rested at the back of your neck didn't give you any pressure at all. It felt like it was there just in case you were about to dissappear and he'd catch you.

You pecked the corner of his lips quicker than he would be able to process it, quicker than you were able to process it yourself. Haechan's head moved in your direction as you were pulling away, he tried to catch your lips with his but you paced away and he let you move as far as you wanted to.

"I want more." He whined, moving his other hand onto your waist.

"As a friend?" you mused, feeling his hand crawl from the back of your neck to grip onto your face.

"Yeah, as a friend." he smiled even more, his palm now pulling you closer to him. You gave in kissing the other corner of Haechan's mouth. His eyes closed, letting you know he liked it. You smiled to yourself, you've seen Haechan at the peak of pleasure numerous times but somehow the face expression he made now made you the happiest. You pecked his jaw, peppering more confident kisses all the way down his neck, Haechan's fingers still holding onto your face in the process.

"Straddle me." he groaned, as you raised your head to wet your lips.

"My dress's too tight, I can't." your pointing finger touched his neck softly where the lipstick stain was visible, Haechan's skin reacted to the touch, sending chills to the back of his neck.

"Why'd you wear something like that..." Haechan looked you in the eyes. "Always trying to make things harder for me, even with the clothes you wear. Right, baby?" you held back a gasp the very last moment before it escaped your throat. It must've looked terrifying from Haechan's perspective, your face expression, like you were about to pass out just at the sudden pet name once again. You froze a little because it was hard for you to process the next steps. Haechan on the other hand moved under you, freeing his body of all those blankets you carefully placed on his body not that long ago. His legs spread more and you sat back on your heels to not get in his way and watched what he was up to. He pulled himself more against the backrest, trying to pull the pillow behind him to the side and making you giggle.

"These are sewed on this."

"Shit." Haechan swallowed a laugh, suddenly grabbing onto your thighs to guide you next to him on the other side of his body. His hand guarded your neck from the uncomfortable pillow-less side of the couch, comfortably wrapping around your body. His other hand guided your legs over his thigh and covered the both of you with the blankets. You kept your body a little distanced from Haechan, at least it's upper part. It only felt comfortable to rest your head on his chest, so you did that, making the both of you closer than before. Haechan slid his hand down to hug your waist and both your hands locked round his neck. It felt a bit surreal if you were to think about it, you were volunteerely snuggling with Lee Haechan of all people, at a party.

Haechan was finally done with piling back onto you all those blankets, creeping up a hand onto your cheek. It quite literally felt like a fever dream. Feeling Haechan's fingers on your freezing skin, while staring into your eyes so sweetly and deeply. Your heart skipped a bit when he licked his lips suddenly, making it feel like he'd lean in and kiss you now. He didn't, though, and it really felt like a teasing contest and despite both contestants very clearly dying to touch each other's lips and get lost in each other, they held back with the very last strings of sanity and didn't want to lose that competition. Haechan's fingers ran through your cheek consistently, you would've purred if he'd kiss you in reward.

"I feel dizzy." Haechan commented, breaking the silence between you two. Dear lord, if only the boy knew how dizzy you felt from keeping yourself composed.

"Are you sea sick? Did you have too many drinks?" you blabbered. It was a little too clear he didn't feel actually sick.

"No I'm dizzy because of you." He voiced out what you were feeling, you were so overwhelmed with his presence and his warmth and the fact he smelled so good and so... dear to your heart, your fingers pulled his neck more against your face. Haechan moved more, getting his lips against your cheek.

"I need you to know, I like you so much." his lips pressed against your cheek as he said it, making his nose press against you aswell. You felt like he entirely pushed you more against his body. You needed medical help, immediately. Your heart wasn't used to this sort of emotions.

"Shut up." you shot back immediately to hide the gasp that exceeded you, instead of a thought thrugh answer. You didn't expect him to be so blatant after all the pining you've put yourself through, you would've never guessed he'd say something like that. But then again, you were constantly proven you can never know what will be Haechan's next move.

"I'm serious." he pressed and forced your eyes to find his.

"How much did you have to drink?" you tried to back out. It was so terribly difficult for you to jump over the metaphorical wall so suddenly, let him know verbally that everything he felt was mutual. Surprisingly you turned out to be more stubborn in that sence than Haechan himself.

"I didn't have a single drink, which I know is not in any way relatable to you. Still, I'm not able to get your guard completely down and have your heart open for me." Your eyes ran down his neck and chest.

"It is, open." you mumbled. "I... you can clearly tell everything is the same for me? Don't make me struggle." Your fingers played with the fabric of his shirt on the shoulder, while your brain fought back and didn't let you say you liked Haechan even more than he could've imagined.

"Look me in the eyes, at least." He whispered and your eyes moved back to his face but were unable to focus on them. Haechan moved his head towards you at the same time and the second you caught up with his actions you felt his lips on yours.

Something between a moan and a cry exceeded your mouth. Your hands gripped immediately onto his neck with force, even if Haechan intended on keeping the kiss sweet and slow he quickly scratched those intentions when he could feel how badly you needed him.

He felt just like that last kiss that lingered on your lips for weeks. You loved his lips like that, warm, plump and all yours. He clearly was more than ready to speed up the pace and once it was clear the two of you were on the same page, Haechan deepend the kiss. He sucked on your lower lip, slowly turning you onto your back. He clearly forgot about your dress situation, trying to place himself between your legs.

Haechan's hand carefully held the back of your head to not hurt you from the solid armrests of the couch. Your tongues started a battle that was impossible to win. Haechan's other hand firmly gripped onto your waist, while his leg finally was able to get between yours. You almost found it in you to worry about the dress getting ruined and stretched out but you felt Haechan's mouth leave yours and the sudden breath of fresh air made yourself even more dizzy than before. You lost all the thoughts in your brain.

Your fingers ran through the boys hair, brushing the strands back and making a whole mess in place of his hairstyle. Haechan leaned back to peck your lips, then lowering his lips to your neck. You tightened your fingers in his locks, forcing a purr from his throat, that happend to land on your neck. Your hips moved against his thigh unconsciously, making yourself heated in a whole different way.

"Haechan." you half moaned. His tongue played with the skin of your neck, drawing tiny lines and sucking it in with his lips. As his chin moved the fabric of the dress lower down your skin, Haechan's licks and sucks became more aggressive, in addition with little bites you could feel him suck in a hickey at the base of your neck.

Your center rubbed against his thigh unconsciously, while you were shivering under his touch, creating friction for Haechan as well.

"This is just a little reminder in case you're black out drunk and won't remember what boundaries we overstepped." he pecked the skin that must've been red and moved his face back in front of yours.

"I am not." you smiled at him and let go of his hair to hold his cheeks between your hands. They felt so soft, so velvety, and the way you squeezed them between your palms made him look like the softest person ever.

"Then it's for me to know it wasn't just a fever dream." You smiled at him even wider, pulling his head closer and pecking his lips. Haechan kissed you back slowly, rubbing his body against yours in a very lazy manner. His mouth left yours, hiding his face against your neck, closer to your ear and nibbling on the skin there. It felt so good to have his body weight pressing you down that outside couch. You couldn't care less if someone was about to come outside, even if they did you wouldn't be able to move yourself an inch away from Haechan's body. Your only regret was that neither of you had magical powers so you'd be able to move to your bedroom this very moment and be able to have each other for the rest of the night.

"Kiss me more." you whispered needy. Even you were dreading the clothing choice by now, you needed his touch, you needed the feeling of his skin on yours, anything that would make you a little more closer to him would do.

You were starting to get greedy, only recently you thought you'd die just from the kissing and now you needed more and more.

Haechan raised his head and smashed his lips against yours, smirking for a slight second beforehand.

"So needy for my kisses and just a week ago you acted like you never wanted to kiss me." he mumbled into your mouth.

Haechan's body grinded against yours with full force now and you couldn't possibly ignore him getting hard on top of you. You definitely weren't about to have sex on the outside terrace of the boat and you hoped he didn't think of that either. You had to find power in you to stop before it got painful for him.

"Haechan-ah." you moved your head back only to be followed and caught with his lips once again. "Baby?" you placed your palms on his chest, pushing the boy away. You tried the pet name to get his attention and it clearly worked. Your own heart did a flip, you couldn't imagine what he felt, you definitely smashed a few layers of bricks on your metaphorical wall with a cannonball "Don't you think we need to slow down?" you asked softly, directing your eyes between your bodies. You felt like Haechan's cock twitched in his pants.

"Right." he cleared his throat and pushed his weight off your body, extending his arms to keep the distance. He stared at you for a good second, leaning back to peck you quickly. "I do need to cool down a little." you gave him a nod and watched him get up with a smile. You sat back on the couch, Haechan making himself comfortable right next to you. His pants did look terribly uncomfortable on him now, you noticed and you were hoping the cool wind would help him calm down quickly because it wasn't like you wanted to give him a blowjob in the middle of a party. Or more like maybe you did, but not right here in a public setting and besides that you wouldn't let him know even that you had the thought, he'd get even more excited than before.

"I'm sorry, I should've pulled you off me the moment I felt you." You moved closer and rested your chin on his shoulder. "Do you need a blanket?" you asked, Haechan's head turning in response and getting too close to you to resist to kiss him. Before he could answer you closed that centimetre between you and pecked his lips quickly.

"No, I need the calm down, don't kiss me." he grunted in a cute way.

"It's just a peck." you tried to hold back a smile.

"It's your needy stare and your lips on mine and everything else and I don't think I'm going to calm down while you're here."

"So you're excited just by presence?" you teased.

"Very much." He replied coolly.

"I'm never eating sugar again."

"Why?" he furrowed his eyebrows confused.

"Sugar combined with the new side of your personality will probably give me diabetes." you smiled at him expectantly, Haechan giggled, hiding his face in his palms.

"You're so stupid." he shook his head in his hands. "You're very lucky I'm blinded by love otherwise I would've booed you."

"It was a good joke." you mumbled, trying really hard to act nonchalantly at his words. Blinded by love, was he about to say he loved you right on that couch too? You were feeling sick to your stomach.

It got quiet between you two once again, you wondered what he thought of to calm himself down. You were just enjoying the comfortable silence right next to the boy you liked.

You sneaked your hand in the space between his arm and his thigh, facing it upward and extending your arm further, for Haechan to properly see it in his lap and be able to interact with it. You rested your cheek against his shoulder once again.

You were very much thankful for the cool breeze outside because your palm was currently sweating and the nerversness was crawling up your throat. You hoped the gesture was clear enough for him to act on it, but you closed your eyes in case of failure. Haechan shuffled under you and you opened your eyes to see what he was doing, and he was looking at you, bending his neck given your current position.

Once he saw you look back at him his head turned back to look down his lap, where your hand was. You couldn't feel how you started to bite your lip in nervousness but you could very clearly feel Haechan's freezing cold palm land on yours. You opened your fingers and as he did the same, you interwind your palms. His grip was tight around your fingers and you did the same, letting him know you were serious about it. Haechan forced your hands up and to his lips, kissing the back of your palm. You wrinkled your face in relieve, even though it seemed more like you were in pain, and kissed his shoulder.

He then proceeded to fall back against the backrest and you did the same, hands still in each other's hold. You sat hand in hand for a little while, feeling so good next to him without any excessive intimacy. You couldn't remember when or how both of you started kissing again. The kiss wasn't as passionate as before, the both of you filled that longing and now both your brains knew it ain't going to be the same as before, you won't have to hold back your feelings. You kissed steadily, Haechan's thumb slowly caressing your palm in his hold.

"We should go back." you mumbled through the kiss. "Your friends and my friends must be looking for us."

"They clearly aren't." he giggled. You smiled and couldn't agree more. You probably spent outside at least two hours, in which there was no signs of Eunsoo, the girl that promised to get you a drink.

"What if someone walks in on us being too explicit?"

"No one will, besides, i don't think we're in any way explicit by now."

"How'd you know? The doors are open. You're just lying to me, right?"

"No, Jeno keeps everyone occupied."

"You're lying?"

"I'm being serious, I'm not going to lie to you anymore."

"So you'll tell me why you skipped our presentation?" you voiced out the question you wanted to ask him for a while now.

"I-" he sighed like he was suddenly tired "Can I not?" he asked softly.

"No, you really hurt me. If we want to go further, I want to know why."

"It was the trial day for that stupid case. I totally forgot about it because I was with you all the time but Jeno texted me if I'm going to be on time the next day and I was so confused." Haechan trailed off, looking into the water, like he didn't want to tell you the bad news and you blinked multiple times to not get yourself worked up.

"What were you sentenced to?" You asked concerned but moreover scared. You were so scared it'd be something bad it'll break your heart.

"My case was closed for lack of evidence." You sighed loudly, not even trying to hide from him you were relieved. "I didn’t steal anything and I was clean because I was with you when they were doing shit..." Haechan looked you in the eyes again, squeezing your palm. "Its thanks to you I am here today with no probation period or some other shit. They made me come as a witness, but I don't really know anything and even if I did I would've never said a thing."

"I'm so glad you're fine." you let him know.

"I know. I should really stay next to you to stay out of trouble." you smirked and then giggled and hid your face in the crook of his neck next. Haechan stared at you teasingly and you couldn't resist running away from those eyes.

"Okay, maybe we should come back inside." you gave him a nod against his skin. "Can we stay close to each other for the rest of the night?"

"I have to see my friends too tho." you rose your head up to see him.

"And tell them all about me?" he smirked and you couldn't stop thinking how attractive he looked that very moment.

"No, Sua doesn't really like you. I have to prepare her before saying anything" You came up with the mildest version you could at the spot. You didn't want to make him upset and tell him neither of them seemed to like the idea of Haechan right next to you and you weren't in the mental state yet to explain to them everything. Or explain anything to him, it felt perfectly enough for you to just have this little secret between you two.

"But you do?" Haechan let go of your hand to enjoy your reply.

"Shut up." you teased, forcing yourself to unglue from the boy and stend up. It's needless to say it was a difficult task to finish.

Now that you could feel how breezy it was outside you wanted to just fall back into the warmth Haechan shared with you. You turned around checking out the boy that still sat on the couch, giving you a blank stare.

"You're staying here?"

"I'll follow behind." he smiled and watched you take a step away.

"Okay." you gave him a nod and walked away further, turning away to properly walk inside. You were getting cold with how long it was taking you to walk back in. As your feet almost brought you inside you turned around with the door half opened. Watching Haechan get up and walk around the couch towards you. His eyes were set on his phone and he probably thought you were already inside, when you ran back to him, catching him off guard mid-way.

"I need you to know too, that I like you a lot." you said in one breath, holding on to his waist. Haechan beamed a smile and you couldn't resist smiling back. His fingers quickly found your cheeks to hold you in place for a quick kiss before you finally turned around and walked back in, scanning the room for Sua, Eunsoo and Aeri.

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flashbangstars · 1 year

Text

How you and NCT dream met, (college version< 333) weirdly specific

your lovely writer is in college, so I wanted to make this like lowkey realistic because that's funny to me

Mark

you work at the university's tech center part time because you're broke and kinda know technology, women in stem am I right.

he came in one day the minute y'all opened looking like he literally ran there, his computer was in a separate bag and he placed it on the counter and stared at you helplessly

"I spilled a fucking water bot- I'm sorry I spilled a water bottle over my keyboard and my thesis is due in three hours please for the love of god can you help me.

you felt kinda bad, because with the damage he was describing it was going to take way more than three hours

"I'm really sorry, I think the earliest I can get this back to you is by tomorrow afternoon"

he looked like he was about to cry and you momentarily contemplated giving him one of the lollipops from the bowl of the counter but decided against it.

checking the clock, you didn't get off for another five hours, rifling through your backpack and pulling your laptop out of it placing it on the table

"ok here's what I can do, if you can work in the student center across the hall and promise you will get this back to me when your done, you can use mine so you can have it finished. Just leave your ID with me"

he picked his head out of his arms eyes wide, "I could fucking kiss you"

"I WON"T SORRY"

"no but thank you so much oh my god"

three hours when he returned, your laptop was unscathed and he looked a little less panicked

"thank you so much, seriously you are a complete life saver"

and when you opened your computer to a sticky note stuck on the screen saying "to the cute tech girl, I'm mark xxx-xxx-xxxx"

Renjun

it was 2 am on a thursday night before finals weeks, and you had been studying for weeks for the for your finals.

you currently were in desperate need of caffeine and new pens

the cvs was right below your apartment and 24 hrs, lowkey a safe haven at this point the amount of time you spend there

you were going down the aisle and found the pilot g2s in a pack for four black ones, and the last pack.

when all of a sudden, a small pale hand snatched it from the shelf as you were reaching for it.

"excuse me, I was grabbing those"

and the perpetrator looked at you and blinked "well I had it first"

"I was literally reaching for it, like you saw me hand out"

"well sorry"

AND HE JUST WALKED AWAY WITH YOUR PENS??

so you left cvs empty handed. you did have a coconut red bull though, but watching him check out as you left was painful

when you go to the elevators for your apartment, the double doors open and there he is the pen snatcher himself.

"so are you stalking me now?" you say little bit out of spite over the loss of your pens

"god I literally live here" he says the cvs bag in his other hand a stark reminder of your loss from earlier

and when he asked you to push the same button for your floor you almost screamed

"so what finals are you studying for" he asked from the other corner of the elevator.

squinting your eyes a bit, and scanning him over once.

he's a pen stealer AND he's hot??? what the fuck

"nursing, I'm up to my neck in flashcards" you finally answering giving in

"I'm engineering, I understand your pain

you two both spend the walk to your apartments talking about finals and the mental anguish you were both in until you go to your door

"you live here?" he glanced at your door, and then at the one next to you. with a nervous laugh he rubbed his neck and looked at you again "I guess we are neighbors"

HOT PEN SNATCHER IS YOUR NEIGHBOR??

later that night a knock at your door sounded, and when you opened the door, two pilot g2 pens were sitting on a flashcard that read "from your neighbor, Renjun :)"

Jeno

you and him were in a good amount of gen ed classes (for my friends who don't know what that is - its like math, english, science -non major specific classes)

he always sat in the back where you were and sat a couple seats over

but yall had never talked, like you would do that weird eye contact on the quad like, oh i sit next to you in this class, but you never say hi

one day you got assigned to be in a group together for a project, and things went downhill

"do you have any idea what we are supposed to be doing?"

"uhh no... do you?"

you both stared at each other for a second before realizing you're both kinda fucked

"ask him" you say pointing at the guy next to him

"no that's weird, I don't know him" Jeno said whisper yelling at you now

"You don't know me either?" you argue getting annoyed

"We've sat next to each other every class since the semester started, Yes I know you?"

oh, realizing you had never noticed he always was sat there

"I literally give you extra space for your big ass pencil bag"

now looking over the desk and noticing his things we scrunched into one corner in fact leaving you the bigger half of the desk leaving him with really only a notepad and water bottle in his space

"oh... well thank you" you nod feeling your face get hot at the small gesture

"my name is jeno though" he said

" I know your name is jeno, I'm y/n. thank you for the.. the desk space"

he smiled eyes disappearing into two little crescents

"no problem! so do you maybe wanna come over to mine tonight to work on the project" he asked eyes darting between your two eyes

"Yeah, that would be great" you said forgetting that with the in class 90 minutes you probably would be able to finish, but you were also so so down to go over and "finish the project"

(you ordered food and watched movies, and may have smooched a bit)

Haechan

you were bored one evening laying in bed on a thursday, being in college ment you either had a lot of down time, or literally none at all

opening up the tinder app you starting swiping out of boredom and seeing who would pop up

Haechan 21, was your third eligible bachelor to show up on the queue

you weren't gonna lie he was attractive, he had brown hair and and brown eyes and surprisingly as a male, knew how to pose in photos

swiping right, the big blue words "IT'S A MATCH" flashed across the screen and a odd sense of pride swelled in your chest that he had swiped on you first

switching over to spotify changing your music almost immediately a text bubble popped up on the screen

New message from haechan

wow he works fast

opening up tinder again you braced yourself for whatever monstrosity that could be awaiting you in the dm

but it was a simple "hey : )"

responding back with a "hey handsome" because you were feeling bold and this is the internet, throwing your phone down on the bed and throwing a sweatshirt on to complete the trek downstair to the vending machine for late night snacks

perks of university housing, snacks available whenever

leaving your room and making it to the elevator, settling into the corner for the ride down 10 floors

a couple floors later the doors open to another floor

a pair of feet shuffle in and stand across from you in the other corner

"so you think I'm handsome?"

disadvantage of university housing EVERYONE LIVES THERE

snapping your head up from your phone to be met with none other than the Haechan 21 from your tinder spree.

"nice to meet you, I'm haechan but you already knew that" he said placing his hand out to shake, you stared at the frustratingly pretty hand and against your better judgement, shook it

"y/n"

"would you wanna join me on my snack run" he said now staring softly at you still holding your hand.

"hmm, why not"

Jaemin

you had a routine, every monday, wednesday and friday.

wake up at 6, leave at 8, call mom and get coffee, then finally go to class at 9:35

on this monday, you decided to go to the new starbucks on campus in the student center, phone pressed against your ear your mom updating you on the family & life and vice versa

"one second mom" putting the phone to your side and ordering your drink

"can I have a venti Iced americano with a extra shot and 4 pumps of vanilla please"

The barista smiled and this is weird, had really pretty teeth?

asking for your name and writing it on the side of your cup

"I like your scarf" the barista with the pretty smile said pointing to th striped scarf wrapped around you

"oh thank you" you say pressing the phone back to your ear and walking away from the register.

"y/n" pretty barista called your name and placed your drink on the counter sliding it towards you with a devastatingly pretty smile

this part of your routine continued for the next two weeks, pretty barista and you turning out to have little conversations every time you ordered and him complimenting something about your outfit each time you went and then you'd leave and continue your phone call

pretty barista had worked himself a good 5 minutes of conversation time into your routine

on a tuesday when you were walking home from the library your name got called from behind you

turning, the one and only pretty barista was jogging towards you

"I knew it was you from the scarf, you always wear it" he said grasping one end of the scarf softly in his hands

his breath turning into vapor as he spoke due to the cold

" I tried really hard these last two week but I don't think you ever noticed so I figured I was gonna have to do it in person" he said rubbing the back of his neck

"ehh?" you said head tilting and focusing on not staring at only his pretty smile

"well uh, I wrote my number on your cup at least like 4 times these last two weeks and I watch you never actually notice and then just throw your cup away, you know you're really a creature of habit?" he said now conversation flowing more comfortably

"OH my god I'm so sorry" you say now remembering all the times he would personally hand you your drink and smile.

"it's ok! but do you actually want to go out sometime and talk? when I'm not in a apron?" he asked

you laughed softly and smiled back " I would love that" looking down at your phone now at the new contact "I'll text you Jaemin"

and you watched him jog back to the student center, in the same green apron you has grown accustomed to him being in

Chenle

you and "czhong" had been arguing in the floor group chat for thirty minutes now.

this was a regular occurance, he would say some dumb shit, you would argue back and the whole floor would have to bear witness to your petty argument for however long it lasted.

as of right now he was arguing why it was fair for you to blast harry styles in the shower, and he wasn't allowed to blast justin bieber when he showered

the problem was, when you did it. it was 3 pm during the day when most students were away, WHEN HE DID IT it was midnight on a fucking school night

standing outside the men's bathroom and yelling SHUT IT OFF did nothing to quell the issues so you had reverted to the group chat again

and this fucker was texting you, FROM THE FUCKING SHOWER

your rivalry between you two was vicious and he was in fact your sworn enemy

currently it was ass o clock on a sunday night and you were working a paper with a dying computer, and your charger was in the science lecture hall, halfway across campus that was definitely locked.

y/n: does annnyyyooonneee have a macbook charger I can borrow??

absolute crickets in the gc

czhong: I do > : )

please god no

czhong: if you need it, come to D402

why were the gods punishing you now? what had you done to deserve this in a past life

begrudging you grabbed your laptop and slide on your slipper and stomped across the dorm floor to the harrowing door of your sworn enemy

knocking aggressively and stepping back waiting for your impending doom

the door swinging open to reveal him, (why tf is he hot) standing hip popped and propped against the door frame

"well well well, what do we have here" he said giving you a very obvious once over

"hand over the charger and no one gets hurt" you said extending your hand.

"uh uh, you gotta do it in here, I only have this charger and I will not part with it" he said walking further into the room leaving the door open for you

what the fuck????

against your better judgement AGAIN you walked into the room

of course he had the one single room on the floor

he gestured to the desk against the wall with the charger cord on it and pulled out the chair for you. smiling evily the entire time.

plopping down you opened your computer plugged it in and put your headphones on, as he went back to his bed and took his laptop out and placed it back onto his lap

somehow, three hours passed of you spending time in the enemy's lair. you both working in a silent lull.

closing your laptop at the 3 am mark. you looked towards the bed again and stood up. "thank you" you said genuinely and he smiled

" you know I think we work well, let me know if you ever wanna borrow the charger or just come keep me company" he said leaning his back against the wall and and looking all SMUG

scoffing and walking to the door and opening it, you turn around one last time staring him down.

"fine"

Jisung

it had been a fucking day.

you had woke up late for lecture and had to embarrassingly walk in ten minutes late taking a spot in the back

you had slept terribly and had finally gotten to be 2 hours before your alarm was supposed to go off

now you were fighting off sleep aggressively in class , you had a hour left to go and were currently losing the battle in staying awake

placing your elbows on the desk and feeling your head slowly nod off you contemplated the idea of slip and slowly slide forward on the desk

until

BANG

a giant crash sounded throughout the entire room and the class all moved to stare at you

you had slide down your desk, and had knocked your hydroflask off the desk onto the tiles floor causing a fucking loud ass crash throughout the entire lecture hall

you could die right now actually

take me now please

hanging your head as the class laughed at the mishap a second loud crash sounded throughout the room

whipping your head to the side, making eye contact with the boy who sat down your room, staring back at you already. his hand positioned at the end of his desk in a sweeping motion

had he pushed his water bottle of his desk.... in .... solidarity of you??

had he really pulled a freshman 101 mistake to help with the mass amount of embarrassment you were facing

more importantly, was he single??

smiling back at him and nodding you acknowledged his sacrifice in your honor

once class had finally ended you packed your things and ran out of there as fast as you could to escape imminent embarrassment

until you realized you had forgot one thing

your fucking water bottle

turning around with the shame weighing heavy on your shoulder you came face to face with your prince charming once again, now holding a yellow water bottle in addition to his black on that sported a new dent

" you forgot this" he said extending the hand that held yours

"do you happen to be single" fuck it

his face flushed red entirely and he stifled a laugh out of shock

"im sorry let me try that again" clearing your throat and making eye contact "I'm y/n it's nice to meet you, are you free currently"

his face started to lose a bit of the redness and the hand that had been covering up the bottom half went down and rested at his side

"jisung, and I totally do happen to be free right now" he said

"how convenient!"

---------

the tinder elevator thing lowkey happened to me, but he wasn't smooth and cool about it. he just stared at me and then messaged me about it after. men suck lowkey

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coco-hun · 2 months

Text

$50

Rich Bf/ Itachi x Black/Chubby Reader

' 60% OFF SALE AT FASHION NOVA SUMMER DEALS FOR THE HOES!"

Summer deals for the hoes??? Now Fashion Nova play too much I thought as I scrolled down the site on my iPad, hitting the flashing sign on my screen. Endless amounts of outside and summer outfits littered my screen...but that's no sale! $30 for a 2-piece top and bottom!? Yes, it gave brunch or mimosas at the beach but still, it only 10% off but, I tap my size and the color and continued adding endless amount of clothes, shoes, and earrings into my cart.

' Tachi gon whoop my ass after this one..' I thought when reviewing my entre cart, Itachi loves it when I spoil myself or put a dent in his wallet but, lately he's told me to spend a little less, I understand it thought I filled up my walk in closet to the max and my shoes is practically covering the wall; when I walk into the closet you'll think it's a mall just full of outfits from the summer time to winter chic to spring flings etc. I delete a few items the cart only depleting by a smidge, I look down at the price...a whopping $640.87 but, I got free shipping! I open my cashapp my balance is $800 buttt I could ask tachi to give me just a bit more, right? I bite my nails and think should I order it with my money and be an independent baddie on a budget? Or be a baddie with a walking wallet on her with no budget? As I think I hear the door open.

" Baby? Com'er for a second"

' Tachi's home!' I thought as I put on my Ugg slippers and went quickly down the stairs, Itachi now sitting on the couch with his glass of whiskey and his computer; I tip-toe behind him and cover his eyes with a childish giggle.

" Guess Who?" I say with a smile, he chuckles and hums for a second.

" Hm? Is it my wonderful reader?"

" No, it your wonderful, gorgeous, beautiful, breath taking, sexy, darling reader"

He just chuckled and kissed my hand as I come around to sit beside him, my plush thighs connecting with his when he lifts my legs onto his thig and rubs my calf. I lean closer a give him a peck whispering a welcome home from his long day at work. He kisses me back and he tells me about work, his eyes now calmer and less tense. We talk about what we have planned for the week and other things that came into our brains.

" Darling, have you did what I asked of you for today?"

Shit! I forgot, Itachi told me to try to clean out one side of my closet so I can have a tidy area for the rest of the year so going bit by bit I did see some shoes I didn't like but, I didn't donate them or threw them away NO! I put them in the attic because I couldn't let them go to waste! What if pink Chanel come back in style and I can just bring the whole collection back? Through my inner turmoil Itachi watches me with a black expression as I awkwardly try to explain.

" Well, I did clean out some but, I got tired, so I took a nap, then I made me a little snack for the hour because I only ate a bagel and-"

" So, you didn't clean out much?"

" It's progress...You just have to lean into it! See if you look at it from my point of view it very hard for a girl to get rid of -"

" So, you didn't clean, nor have you gotten rid of anything dear?"

I just sighed and nodded, putting my head down and looking away. Itachi sighs and lifts my chin up and kisses my lips.

" Let's see how much you've done then we can go on from there hm?"

" But! You've been at work all day, Tachi! It wouldn't be fair to let you help my mess."

" Nonsense dear, up now let's see what 'progress' you've made"

He airs quotes progress and picks me up from the couch onto my feet and walks to our bedroom while I slowly walk behind him, he's too calm...like Itachi would never hurt me but, he doesn't do the not listening thing. When me and Tachi first started this, he set clear rules that disrespect and disobedience would come with spanking, a short allowance, and no sex for week or 2 months depending on what I did, usually I'm a peach! only go punished a few times when I got a bit too bold with him. As I finally gotten into our room, he's standing there with a disappoint look.

" Only five pairs of shoes are in a box and two tops darling? This looks like 30 minutes of work-"

" Actually, an hour! It would hard because I love the leather heels but, they kind of hurt my feet but it's my only pair of leather heels I mean, I do have dark denim thigh highs but, they aren't giving the way those heels did, so I did a process and-"

" Darling."

I stopped talking and looked at his stern face, he sits on the bed and pats his thigh, and takes the band from his long hair down and loosens his tie.

" How many you think hm?"

" How many what?"

" You know what baby don't act dumb, unless you are as dumb as I thought.

My legs tighten as I try to explain how I should get away from this one punishment ranging from pleas to bargains but, Tachi just shakes his head and pats his thigh again.

" Not going to say it again baby, you've got 10 seconds before it 30 spankings and no cumming till the entire closet is clean."

He started counting and I quickly bend over his lap.

" Please me gentle Tachi" I said small and meek

" No promises my angel"

*SMACK!*

*After her ass got tore up*

" Your going to listen to me more hm?"

" Yes sir.."

" Good, now tomorrow I'm off I'm going to help you clean out some of it okay baby?"

I just nod snuggling into him, he tore my ass up and then gon try to be all loving after? Thats real bipolar but, whatever; I grab my phone from the table and see the sale is almost over.

" Tachi?"

" Hm?"

" Can I borrow $50?"

He looks down at me with one eye and I show him the sale, he rolls his eyes and pats my head.

" Later dear, go to sleep"

I nod, shutting down my hand and climbing on top of his thin frame hold his shoulders and laying my head on his chest.

" Night Tachi"

" Night baby"

..." Can I borrow $50-"

"No"

A.N: ( Im back like crack! Yall tis was my mannnn back in 89' like when I tell you he was BAD! He was, and yall I've been so tired like I tried to write but I couldn't so I'm post more now that I'm motivated.)

Like and comment who yall wanna see next!

#x black reader #black fem reader #chubby reader #black reader #itachi naruto #itachi x reader #itachi uchiha

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alligatorjesie · 22 days

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Hey that's alright you can block me as much as you like but it wont change anything man. You said some shit things so I'm going to say some shit things to you.

You know what that's fine we can just repost that whole comment so people can see what a shitass you are @blessyouhawkeye

Hey real quick you do realize that reylo is just a really vanilla ass enemies-to-lovers ship if you have a problem with it well good luck man this shit is literally everywhere in media.

Almost like it's a popular trope. Have you never watched a rom com? Woof. I got some news for you brosph.

but you know what since we're on the tangent of 'weird people' in fandoms let's talk about that for a moment.

You wanna know what's weird? There's a lot of finnreys in the reblogs acting positively feral about their ship not being canon

(which idk I watched TRoS that was pretty open ended if your still mad about reylo by the end of that movie that shits on you)

and upset they don't have book deals like the reylos but IDK man maybe the reason finnreys ain't got book deals is because they spend all their time online bitching about how their ship got shafted instead of writing that fucking fanfiction.

You know when the reylos got shafted with the shit show that was EP9 instead of spending the next 3 years complaining they just trucked along in their own fucking sandbox completing their own fucking projects for their own fucking friends.

Fuck Disney we'll make our own reylo with blackjack and hookers and sex scenes.

You mean to tell us you've had more problems with reylos who were just excited to see the story concepts they predicted from The Force Awakens coming true in The Last Jedi and making positive content to reflect that joy compared to the actual nazis on YouTube who flood the platforms with 3 hour long hate videos over how Bree Larson is somehow personally responsible for their dicks falling off?

You remember that one time ethan van sciver said he wanted to kill Chinese people? He's a really popular star wars/comic book YouTuber and he's way more problematic than anyone I've ever met in the reylo fandom.

And guess what he also hates reylo what a shock!

You wanna talk about some unhinged weird behavior allow me to direct you at a rabid finnrey who has told me graphically to kill myself at least 5 times now for the sin of enjoying the wrong part of star wars according to them.

That shits fucking unhinged

Here's some of those death threats these are 100% real by the way:

Obviously Death Threat Warning some of these are quite gnarly.

This user still has an active account.

I've reported them several times but I sometimes feel like the only thing that will get you banned on this hellsite is being trans I swear to fucking god.

This user has spent over 7 years shit posting hate directly into the reylo fandom's tag instead of doing literally anything else to make their own fandom more enjoyable for themselves.

That's weird shit.

What has been hellish is being in this fandom for over 9 years and dealing with the amount of uncalled for vitriol at this very fucking plain flavor baby's first enemies-to-lovers ship.

I only started keeping track of the death threats back in September 2022

It's not even been a full 2 years and I'm nearing 1000.

This is the header for my Tumblr. This is a real number by the way I have every death threat I've gotten since starting this documented on my computer.

It's actually 955 because thepettycunt here just sent me a new death threat so now I gotta update the banner.

fun!

One day I'll make a master post.

Today is not that day.

But let's be very honest here the real number of death threats I've personally gotten are well into multiple thousands across multiple platforms over 9 years.

Just for enjoying reylo.

And I'm a furry and have been since the 90s. I'm use to being told to kill myself from strangers on the internet so color me confused when I join this really basic bitch of a fandom ship only to find the hate towards it somehow fucking worse.

That's some fucking weird unhinged shit.

I know you made this shit post just to be a shit poster so don't take this too personally I'm sure at this point you already think I'm unhinged and rightfully so

maybe I am

but after the 100th death threat I just stopped giving a fuck so you'll just have to forgive me but it's real buck ass wild to be called 'weird' when I've never sent death threats to people over fictional ships and none of my reylo friends have done that shit either but I am almost 99% sure if you look though the history of any single person who reblogged this post bitching about reylo you'll find they have a history of doing that shit.

You can pick any one. Odds are they have anti reylo posts going years back and at worst some of them have straight up told people in this fandom to kill themselves.

I can look through YOUR history OP and see You're a huge pile of shit towards reylos!

Go on pick one out at random and have a go. It's a fun horrible way to spend a afternoon.

And before anyone brings it up because people who hate reylo always do;

'what about that one time reylos harassed John Boye-'

a group of women telling John Boyega the things he's saying are sexist towards his female coworker who had already been harassed off social media a few years prior and asking him to do better isn't the harassment you think it is.

You can find that 'reaction' video John made to the reylos on google and watch it yourself. No one is being racist but they are all asking him to stop making sex jokes on his female coworkers behalf and expressing disappointment in him. In fact he even had to reused quite a few of the quotes because I think about halfway through making the video he realized he just didn't have that much material and the things people were saying were pretty fucking mild.

And I'm not sorry. Asking a adult man to hold himself accountable for the shit he says is not on the same level as the far fucking worse shit the over arching star wars fandom has done well before reylo was even a twinkle in anyone's eye

Lastly one more thing and I'm done I swear and I'm going to apologize in advance because I'm gonna sound really spicy and I guess I kinda am but not in a mean way more in a really fucking confused way

but what the fuck do you mean jenny nicholsons reylo videos are unhinged?

They're the fucking same as the rest of her videos.

Is there something less unhinged about a nearly 4 hour long video about a failed fantasy RPG theme park over a 1 hour long video about how star wars episode 9 was absolute dogshit?

Jenny makes cringe videos about cringe shit. That's her brand.

She's voiced her enjoyment of reylo very early on... I think back in The Force Awakens days? So why are you surprised she would talk about the subject at length in detail? She bought a stuffed porg larger than herself and documented collecting it on video for her channel.

Yeah man she probably likes reylo.

Most people who like TLJ do.

What... what the fuck do you mean her reylo videos specific are unhinged?

I'm sorry but if known racist and sexist YouTuber doomcock can spend 6 hours complaining about TLJ because Rey don't make his dick hard like Luke Skywalker does and he's going to make his refusal to reflect on that issue our fucking problem I don't think Jenny is unhinged for complaining about the inarguably bad movie that was the rise of skywalker for less time than the movie's total runtime.

I'm not even mad I'm just really confused by your statement.

#fandom wank #fandom hate #anti talk #reylo fandom #i've seen plenty of blessyouhawkeyes posts floating around #I didn't realize they were such a huge pile of shit #oh well nothing of value was lost #jenny nicholson #I'm still stuck on how they think jennys videos are unhinged what the flying fuckery

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dj-of-the-coven · 7 months

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Hit me with your favorite defunct website

You will regret this.

Have you ever felt isolated by the modern internet, or nostalgic for the way that you can vaguely--but not entirely--remember experiencing as a child? Well I can't speak for everyone, but the past few years certainly have left me feeling that way. Certain nostalgia posts made circa 2021 got my brain churning in that direction, dredging up ancient memories of reading personal blogs and spending hours on flash game websites that were more or less entirely nuked from the internet by my adulthood. The more I remembered, the more distressed I felt by their absence, even though it'd been years since I even remembered most of that stuff existed...

Aside from Animal Jam, I wasn't sure if anything I knew from my mid 2000s-early 2010s childhood experience was out there on the web somewhere--so, I did as any normal teenager would and I started doing copious amounts of research into a subject that basically didn't exist. I discovered the internet archive entirely on accident; spent days examining the layout of early youtube and any other sites I could remember, navigating by year and trying to figure out when everything took a turn for the worst. I started browsing through webcore tags on tumblr just to get close to what I wanted, because "old internet" yielded few results at the time, and google's input was less than useless. Only a few blogs on tumblr had the kind of content I was looking for, but eventually I struck gold when one of them pointed me in a brand new direction of hope.

This is when I discovered neocities.

Of course, I was already familiar with the webhosting platform of geocities from the old days. Geocities was one of the primary hosting platforms that I remembered without the help of research, but you may already have guessed by the lack of a link that it's dead--and you'd be right. It actually shut down back in 2009, which I learned through the same post that advertised its independent successor. For some reason, I'd always associated the memory with the time I was in kindergarten, but the date of shutdown actually confirmed that I must've known about it earlier, making the platform one of my first memories! It's been gone for a while, but not the impression of it that I had as a core pillar in my early web experience. And then there was neocities. What was that? I immediately went to investigate.

Of course, I was mostly doing this in between two late-night bussing jobs to afford my shitty apartment, aside from being in my final year of high school, so progress was slow. At the starbucks next to my school, I was always holed up in the corner during my short window of off-time with a coffee and my computer setup. It took some time, but I began browsing through the top pages one-by-one, following links and cataloguing where they led to. I took stock of which sites linked to one another. Eventually, I noticed a pattern: a lot of them linked back to a website called sadgrl.online, a purple and black neon haven of internet culture run by a webmaster known as Sadness. Everyone say hello to our defunct website of the hour!

At the time, the thing was absolutely bustling. Almost all of the most popular sites on neocities were linked to Sadness' site somehow, usually through her button collection. My own personal site, which I started building around that time, also contained one of her web buttons. She has several, but her most popular one looks like this. (I apologize if you're on mobile. It will NOT look good.)

I was intrigued! In a community so removed from the usual mainstays of the internet, there existed a blog that hundreds of neocities users were visiting every day, and I very quickly became one of them once I finished looking through her thought-provoking essays on programming and web culture. Her site went through a number of layout changes while I was a regular visitor--the vast majority of them are catalogued on the site itself if not also on the internet archive. It was a blog dedicated to the exact thing that I was interested in; what I had been searching for since the modern web started rubbing me the wrong way in my burgeoning adulthood. Her page prominently featured an essay on the faults of centralized internet and her journey to foster a space more accepting of individuality, information, and creativity without thought of profit. I was totally enamored, especially with the appealing gothic graphics that surrounded the lengthy text!

(here's a capture from August 2022)

Aside from Sadness, several other active community members had formed an alliance of websites dedicated to the preservation of old internet culture and the cultivation of unique online spaces. These people called themselves the Yesterweb. The yesterweb was run mainly by webmasters known as Auzzie Jay, Madness, Tsvety, Grafo, Cinni, Vincent, Iris, and Sadness herself, but webmaster Melon (of MelonLand fame) also ran a forum that was parallel to the movement. The yesterweb was a massive project that included an online newspaper, a web radio station, several introductory programming manuals, a forum, web-themed essays from neocities users, button makers, layout creators, and terms and definitions for people new to the decentralized experience. It was easy to get lost in it all... for a time, the rabbit hole felt endless and exciting.

Every day, I returned to check updates on Sadness' various projects while I began work on my own website. She had totally convinced me of my own convictions--I bought the dream hook, line, and sinker. My only goal for a while was for my site to eventually be included in the yesterweb webring alongside all these amazing programmers. I wanted to contribute to the world of creativity that I could only dream of when HTML was still just meaningless jargon to me! But I was too slow learning the languages necessary, and the yesterweb was just growing too fast to be contained. I dipped for a few months to focus on my move to a new city, and by the time I returned, the whole yesterweb had disappeared scorched-earth style.

Okay, so what the fuck happened?

Currently, on the front page of what used to be a hopeful and inspiring collection of internet resources, there's a long essay made by the webmasters who founded the project, detailing burnout and massive stress due to the community growing faster than they could moderate it. It is certainly not poorly-intentioned. However, the discovery was absolutely devastating to me. My dream had gone up in smoke before I could even try to reach it, and I was apparently a part of the problem by caring so much about it. The radio station is gone. The webring was deleted. The forums shut down. My favorite webmasters' sites were no longer being updated. I felt awful for the people who had been affected by all this stress and pressure, but after so long of working to join the movement, I felt betrayed by their abandonment. The yesterweb disappeared in almost exactly the same way the old web did the first time--ripped from my fingers before I was able and ready to participate. And I can only wonder... what happened to the goal of turning the internet back into a place for us? How did it get to the point of ruining these people's lives within the span of maybe two years? I'm really not sure. There's a lot about this story I still don't know, and there's not really a way to access the drama that happened in a discord server that I never joined. The information published on the yesterweb's page is the only reliable source I'm currently aware of.

Still, in spite of it all, Sadness' website has remained one of my major inspirations in programming and web philosophy. I may be in mourning about a dream that died before it could truly live, but whenever I think about the months that I spent eagerly browsing her site for updates, I remember that spark that initially inspired me to begin researching the net in the first place. She was a major player in the game--not the only one. The website that she created was my favorite while it was active, and now it is my favorite website that is currently defunct.

Thank you for coming to my tedtalk.

#web revival #neocities #programming #personal websites

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yakuzacanons · 3 months

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Hello, I hope you’ve been doing well and taking care ☺️! I’ve been lurking around your blog for the past month and I love your HCs so much but I always struggled with coming up with ideas of what to request, but I think I’ve finally got one: furniture shopping with their S/O!!! (I spent two hours on the sims on build/buy mode; I’m on an interior decorating mood rn)

What’s their favorite room to shop for? Who’s being extra particular over color schemes? Who prefers a big department store (like ikea), and who’s preferring going antique store hopping? Who ends up getting distracted/fixated upon random things (like curtains, kitchen appliances, linens)? Etc, etc… (please have fun with it!)

You can write this for ANYONE (literally, I enjoy reading your HCs for any character), but I would especially love it if you included Majima, Joon-Gi and Saeko 💕

Feel free to pass tho if the prompt just isn’t something you’re vibing with at the moment! Thank yoooou!!!

Teehee yes, forgive me for the long wait, I really tried to mull this one over. I'm only going to do the three characters your mentioned but please feel free to ask for more.

Majima Goro

Clueless and lost as all hell in the entire process. Fully understands that if the two of you are going to live together, you will have to furnish said living space but he knows nothing about furnishings.

It's not that he has bad taste or is stupid, he's just used to living an extremely bare bones lifestyle when it comes to home decor. His days working at the Grand were especially lean in regards to personal effects so it's highly likely that his house or apartment currently has the bare minimum requirements with little to no color or pizazz.

Tentative by excited to explore this new avenue with you, only because it's with YOU. Anyone else would've gotten the stink eye from him, probably.

Gets lost in large furniture stores, mostly because he gets distracted by some kitchen doohickey that he doesn't recognize and spends time trying to examine it and guess what it's used for. When he loses sight of you, he'll just wander the aisles yelling your name. It's easier if you just keep an eye on him.

Always a little surprised when you ask his opinion on things like colors and patterns. His style is a little chaotic overall but would it really be a home with Majima if it didn't have some chaos?

One thing you can bet on is the man is sitting in all the chairs and laying on matresses before buying em. Don't let him check out the cutlery sets, by the way. He'll want the pricey one.

Joon-Gi Han

Even though his current living space is pretty minimalistic, Joon-Gi has a pretty decent wealth of knowledge about various aspects of interior design. Blame it on him going down some YouTube rabbit hole in the middle of the night.

Isn't particular about what kind of store you go to, but if he happens to walk by an interesting looking home decor store, he will want to at least take a peak. Out of the three, he's the most likely to go to as many stores as possible rather than one.

Carefully examines every individual object, no matter the size or importance. Constantly weighing the differences between price, material, durability, etc.

Pretty good taste in things like bedspreads, towels, and curtains but isn't headstrong in his opinions. He's more like a "Oh, that towel would look with that floor mat..." type of guy.

His favorite room to shop for is the bathroom. Likes a nice set of towels in various sizes and a cute organization rack for things like skincare products.

Good at buying most electronics, like a television or computer. Unsure of what to buy for the kitchen when it comes to fancy things, like a stand mixer. Mostly just amazed at the amount of gadgets you can attach to it.

Saeko Mukoda

Very self sufficient and has a pretty nailed down personal aesthetic for herself and her house. Honestly, she could probably go furniture shopping by herself and get it all done in a weekend.

She's always keeping her budget in mind so she's the most likely of the 3 to go to a secondhand or antique store. Especially fond of going there for larger pieces of furniture, like a coffee table.

Her overall house aesthetic is clean but not minimalistic. Think warm but bright tones, not over saturated though. She doesn't mind adjusting this to accommodate your taste as long as her personal areas remain undisturbed, like the nightstand on her side of the bed or her makeup organizer.

Loves shopping for bedroom items. A good mattress and a fluffy pillow are a must for our working girl. Always buys two sets of matching bedspreads so that when one is dirty, the other can be used and still look cute while the other is in the wash.

Her secret weapon is that she knows the best way to organize items in the house. Great at getting useful organizers like baskets, holders, organizers, etc. Makes the most out of her space.

Do not ask her to buy electronics, she will just buy what's newest, which unfortunately means sometimes she will buy what's most expensive.

#majima megaphone moment #yakuza #ryu ga gotoku #yakuza headcanons #yakuza imagines #ryu ga gotoku headcanons #ryu ga gotoku imagines #goro majima #majima goro #saeko mukoda #joon gi han #han joon gi

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caretaker-au · 1 year

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you’re probably offline again, and I don’t know if anyone is gonna see this. but your au is genuinely one of my most favorite Undertale AUs ever. I have been in the Undertale fandom for a LONG time, but I don’t think there will ever be something as well written as the Caretaker AU again. the amount of research and love put into it is so cool. it truly does feel like something that could possibly happen in the actual canon and I LOVE it.

your version of Chara is also one of the most best portrayals of them I’ve EVER seen in the entire history of the fandom. when you began releasing the final chapters for the AU, I remember just sitting at my computer and rereading Chara’s lines over and over again. because their character was just so interesting to see in action. even when it was still a comic, their goddamn expressions and words are just so memorable to me. I still and always will have that little sadistic smile ingrained in my brain. (that also includes literally every character in comic even the background ones.) I love how you handle Chara as well, how you made them a horrible person but not totally unrealistic. like that one asker said, you feel bad for them, but just a LITTLE TINY bit. because they always screw up everything for themself and then go blame a 12 year old for it.

speaking of Frisk, your portrayal of them is definitely so very canon to me. I love their design and personality so much. they are so just relatable too, possibly one of the most realistic 12 year olds I’ve seen in a comic. they remind me a lot of me in a way, especially when I was 12 lol. I’m beyond happy they got a happy ending, they deserve it after, y’know, everything.

I wish you all luck on any other projects you may be working on. and I hope you are proud of what you have accomplished. :) you crafted a truly beautiful story. now if you don’t mind me, I’m just going to go reread everything again.

(take a shot every time I say ever lol, sorry for any spelling mistakes, thank you for reading it all)

Thank you so much for your kind words. Caretaker truly was a huge labor of love. I remember back when Ellipsis came up with the concept how it just gripped me like a bear trap. I couldn't stop thinking about it! Eruto felt the same way and was saying we should make a comic, and I was like, "no no, I don't want to do all that line art" but then she was like, you won't be alone we can draw it TOGETHER and then to demonstrate she took one of my super rough sketches and lined and colored it. And I was like, wow okay maybe this is feasible.

The resulting 3-ish years it felt like we were spending every waking hour working on Caretaker. I carried my sketchbook everywhere and would draw out thumbnails during my breaks at work, I'd be thinking about it on the drive home, and then we'd get on a discord call together to draw, line, and color for hours at a time. I could go on but the bottom line is that I LOVED IT. Each finished page (drawn or written!) fills me with pride and I look back fondly on the time spent creating and maintaining this blog together. It was exciting, compelling, and at many times exhausting, but worth it.

As far as the characterization goes, glad that you appreciate it! We reminded ourselves to never lose sight of the fact that Chara was still a human being--full of contradictions and ego and multiple-facets--but we didn't want to justify their behavior either. We all know people who are selfish, manipulative, and arrogant, but what happens when a person like that gets naïve enablement and never has to face any repercussions for their behavior? Without the correcting force that is LIFE, a cynical, angry, cruel child like Chara didn't have any reason to second-guess their worldview. Of course anything that goes wrong must be the fault of someone else!

This has already gotten kinda long, so all I'll say on Frisk is thank you and glad you agree! Personally, I knew some friends of the family who had kids about that age so I tried to reference their behavior in my mind when it came to writing Frisk. (Though most of Frisk's behaviors boil down to "RUN!!") Through the many discussions and occasional rewrites of this story, we always planned on ensuring Frisk had a happy ending. ♥

Thanks once again for the ask, and I hope you enjoy the reread!

#mailbox #spade-the-space-witch #minty says #you caught me online!

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sandyspaghettibag · 5 months

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just had a realization after spending the first three days of this week absolutely inseparable from my phone: the vast majority of humans - at least in america - spend a HUGE amount of their waking lives looking at screens unless they're driving, which is really one of the only remaining scenarios where it's still unacceptable to whip out a phone and get digitally immersed in whatever you want.

this counts for work and school too; jobs you wouldn't expect to be handled electronically still require their workers to be on the computer for an overwhelming chunk of the day, and all but ONE of my college books this semester are ebooks (which have given me and every other student in one of my classes an aneurysm trying to redeem our $200 codes. like why is the digital version as expensive as the physical copy too, idek what to think about all that)

like, we really are addicted to screens as a society, and even if you try and be the annoying friend who leaves their phone at home and tries to live in the real world, it's too late because phones at the very least are required now; it's like leaving the house without your ID at this point. You literally need to have it. Just last year I went to a restaurant (which was vvvvv good tbh) that didn't give out menus, making you scan a qr code to get the digital menu instead. Convenient I guess, but god forbid someone doesn't have a phone (or data for that matter), is that when you bring out the old paper menu? Why not just stick to that, even if just to be traditional in the midst of the world's collective digitalization?

pls don't try and make this some kind of discourse if it's a controversial thing to say btw, I'm as guilty as anyone else, probably spent 24 hours of this week already just staring at my phone (which is INSANE when you actually think about it). Even at social gatherings, I can't help but whip out twitter and just scroll through the dopamine when things get just a little boring… so what's the point in even going if it's just having a different location where I'm on my phone. I won't even talk about how our BRAINS practically require screens now as well, like there is no reason I should have such a constant desire to be on it when I'm at my favorite restaurant or the beach or whatever. I think we as humans need to be forced to socialize offline again, and if that makes me have to swap my phone out for a flip phone and an ipod nano for music, I can live with that

#serious post #I'M USUALLY FUNNY #philosophy #phone addiction #screen addiction #screens addiction #because whytf did it take three weeks for them to let me in that ebook #go to the library hoe #NO DISCOURSE ISTG YOU BETTER NOT #I'm not about that life anymore

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galactic-pirates · 4 months

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Something I don’t see talked about (and yes I know that’s a loaded opening sentence but I have feelings so I’m going to ramble) is how it feels to come to art late.

Like people throw out examples like George Clooney being 40 or something? Or Samuel L Jackson, or you know there are many, of people who came into something older and then were fantastic at it. It’s like a “it’s never too late” reassurance and ok cool, cool, but that doesn’t really help.

I didn’t draw as a kid. I hated art class at school because they didn’t teach. I wouldn’t know how to get the effect I wanted and given no guidance (but plenty of “that’s not what I wanted” criticism). If I found a workaround it was wrong. Like I spent a ridiculous amount of time drawing a model train once by measuring every single line. Best drawing I did as a kid but my teacher told me I was never to do that again as I should spend no more than an hour on the homework.

Part of this was probably being undiagnosed autistic. I need structure and rules and I need to understand. I can’t just experiment how I probably should. So I internalised the “I am not artistic, I have no artistic flair” and I didn’t doodle or decorate. I would be envious of the other kids who did. My notes always looked so boring. We didn’t do art at home. Mum always tells the story of how she was excluded from art class at school for “being a waste of public resources” and so is adamant she can’t draw.

For some reason at 19 I decided I wanted to draw. But again with an undiagnosed autistic need for things to be “right” and obviously any lines I made were ‘wrong’, plus the computer was where I sought answers I fell very quickly into tracing photographs. That was a huge mistake because it taught me nothing and only made it worse if I tried to draw without the crutch - as obviously that was much much worse in comparison.

You see I didn’t have the willingness to draw something awful that little kids have (because to them it isn’t awful) and I judged myself so so harshly. I wanted to draw what I imagined and I found workarounds, like modelling programs to make my own pose references, or smushing multiple references together - I still do this and I absolutely hate it. It doesn’t help but it’s like that bandaid trying to hold a water leak back - it’s better than what I can do without it, so I keep going back for fan events etc. as I feel if I’m gifting someone something it needs to be the best I can do (and merlin knows I am deeply ashamed of what I have posted for past exchanges, 30+ hours or not of effort it was baaaad).

A few years ago I decided enough was enough and I needed to “go back to basics” and get away from the computer. I have got a ridiculous number of courses from places like Udemy/Domestika and enough art supplies to open a small store. I talk a good game - I can sound like I know - but my hand does not.

The problem with the YouTube videos or the courses is these people are skilled - obviously, I mean that’s the point - but sometimes they will show their “old art” from when they were 13 or something and it’s better than what I can do now, or maybe at 9 or something it was about the same but that’s 9 - I’m going to be 34 this year.

I’m still that kid that wants to be told what steps to take. I am still flailing and I still don’t know how best to move forward. Worse I am not a kid and so I feel ashamed I guess. And I’m also alone because there is no actual person I can talk to. I have looked into in person art classes but there’s nothing suitable. I need to find a path forward.

But to circle back to “coming into art late”. I’m 33 and surrounded by so much inspiration (I see art and I so desperately want to be able to make something half that good). But that’s a curated thing because people only post their good stuff (obviously) and so I don’t want to post my shitty stuff so I can’t engage with “art tumblr” or whatever, and I’ve never been good at engaging anyway. I have always felt like an outsider in every community I have tried to join. Plus with fucking AI I don’t want to post my stuff online (although it’s so bad if it did get scraped it would probably act like poison).

So yeah basically flailing and lonely.

It’s deeply demoralising and frustrating. I have never put in the practice time that I should have but that is more to do with my chronic mental health issues than anything - but that then compounds the age problem as I am not 19 any longer. It has been getting on for 15 years - actually I hate putting it like that because then I have to see that I have been wanting to draw for nearly half my life and I have still not managed it. I am still flailing around near the starting line.

Anyway yeah I just feel like nobody talks about being older, and still being shitty at things, and how damn lonely and scary that is. I get majorly stressed out everytime I try and do “serious learning” as I guess it’ll take time and I will be shitty for a lot longer. Maybe there’s also a point here about adulthood and immediate gratification I don’t know. I just know I wish for the impossible to be able to be the child I never was I guess, to start art when people are supposed to - as a kid - and get this stage done and so I can be better. Is that just me wanting to skip the work? Maybe I don’t know.

It’s as I said - I have feelings.

#Sam talks art

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koumeowkami · 9 months

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Sending ask because I really want to talk to somebody and you came to mind

Tell me some cool things about your childhood and the place where you grew up !

I'll tell you some about mine

In one of the houses we lived in, the previous family grew strawberries in the garden. When summer arrived so did the ripe strawberries. I literally remember once having strawberries for lunch

My oldest memory is probably watching my mom paint. I remember blues and reds. My mom is actually an artist but I seem to have missed the gene because I can't even draw a proper circle

(Ironically enough I draw straight lines really well jagsjsgkdha)

Anyways hope you're having a good day ! Please shout at me to go back to studying. I have an exam in 10 hours

HI LIRA!! so happy you thought about me randomly. ily

this ask made me crave strawberries,, they're my fav fruit. i eat so many of them during summer too djdndj

girl wdym you ARE an artist. your writing is beautiful and that's still art :3 so i guess your mom's genes were passed on you in a different way!

honestly i don't have many cool things to say cause i've always lived in very normal places and there's never much to do here lmao so i'm just gonna tell some random memories!!

when i was little, till i was like 6/7 years old, we used to live with my grandparents cause they had a big house. i loved playing around there, i would literally spend my afternoons wandering around the house in search of stuff to do. the thing i remember the most was using my grandpa's computer (running windows xp) and playing minesweeper. some years later i would've done the same thing with purble place, i was obsessed with that game 😭

another thing i remember from those years was going to the park which was right behind my house and going around with my winx scooter. and this my folks is the reason why i can't ride a bike! (i also had a bike but never used it lol)

oh i also remember watching the fantasia vhs on my grandparents' tv over and over again. that was Something (i loved that movie a normal amount)

ANYWAYS study just a bit longer!! don't overwork yourself!! also good luck on your exam 💓💓 how many of them do you still have?? i hope you can rest a bit after that :(

#ask #🔥; lira!#YOU'RE GONNA DO SO WELL !!!#I BELIEVE IN YOU

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bookworm-2692 · 2 months

Note

hmm you already answered 1 in your tags. so 19 and 4, perhaps, for the mcyt ask game

thank you for the ask!!! :D

19: Have you picked up any vocabulary from mcyts?

Hmm, that's a tricky one? Like. Probably, because I was twelve when I started watching. But it's hard to know specifically. I have started using -ificate, but that's currently more a conscious effort because it's fun to say rather than normal so far. I do remember back in the day feeling like I was picking up vocab but now I can't remember it. "Hadjah!" is also fun to say. I am honestly more aware of picking up vocab from a specific friend of mine, but like. I've probably picked up mcyt vocab because I've watched so much over the years.

4: Do you play minecraft yourself? If yes, for how long have you been playing it?

Well, I don't regularly play these days, but I have played in the past. My account was created in March 2012... so that means my cubito is twelve years old now. My cubito is half my age. My brother got minecraft in Dec 2011, so me and my sister also shared his account for a few months until my sister and I got our accounts, and back then we played a LOT together. I remember not really understanding much, and trying to plan my house down to the block on grid paper while waiting for my turn to play minecraft. I tried to create two portal rooms in my basement because I didn't understand the nether and the end and didn't know you couldn't just build the end portal in your basement.

Friends at school would also play pocket edition minecraft so I joined in but bemoaned that the functionality was worse than computer minecraft. Bedrock minecraft in my head is still like 2012 pocket edition, even though I know it can't be true. A lot of minecraft in the early years and then from 2014 I probably stopped playing as much, and in 2016 when my Mindcrack interest died (because Mindcrack basically had died, and ZPM was all I was watching until it got abandonned), I also lost interest in playing minecraft too (and my friend had gotten me into danganronpa and then zero escape and then I just had other interests).

And then just before whenever the nether update happened again (2019??) I got nostalgic and opened it again and made a minecraft server with my siblings and friends again and it was great fun but then the server stopped working for people outside my network which was frustrating so then that stopped after only a few months and I didn't play any minecraft again for a few years and then I re-entered mcyt fandom in June 2022 with Double Life and I've watched SO MANY videos since then but not played much minecraft.

I opened a new world one day to open it to LAN so I could play with two friends but then one of them, her java edition looked like bedrock and she couldn't find the multiplayer window, and the other one could open multiplayer but her minecraft couldn't find my LAN world. so we instead played new single player worlds for a few hours, and then a couple of times over the next weeks I opened it and did small amounts, but then I haven't touched it in another year or so.

So like. Yes I've had minecraft for half my life now (which is WILD to realise) but I don't play frequently like at all. I would love to play but with a full time job + sportsball 1 + sportsball 2 i don't actually have much free time, and what I do have i instead spend on reading fic or watching videos or cross-stitching while watching a vod or playing dnd with my friends etc. playing minecraft would eat up so much time and i dont think i could just play like ten minutes at a time. plus i currently dont have a desk. or a mouse. so i'd be playing on a laptop on mousepad. which i've *done* but. Oh wait I did also play some MCCI briefly, but got bored on account of doing badly on account of playing with a trackpad and thus having terrible movement. and also being bad at pvp.

so i guess the short answers to those questions are "no" and "for twelve years" which are incongruous answers without the long explanation. and i'm now noticing just how long, so i shall be nice and add paragraphs for you.

#thank you so much for the ask #i hope the rambly answer satisfies haha #ask #mindacracka #(bonus extra tag bc idk if its true that things later than five tags wont show up in the main tag but i hope thats true)#(because this is so rambly but i still need to tag this for blog organisation reasons)#mcyt #hermitcraft #minecraft

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bteezxyewriter12 · 2 years

Text

Frustration

Pairing- Yoongi x Named Reader

Word count- 5.9k

Includes- Angst, Yoongi is mean in the beginning, make up sex, oral, pussy eating, missionary sex, multiple orgasms

🌟gif is from Google

Yoongi POV

"Joanne stop", I growl at her

"But I'm worried about you Yoongi. You lock yourself in here all day and night. You don't eat unless I bring you food or sleep. You're going to get sick. I love you and I don't want that to happen", she responds

I roll my eyes

Does she have to be so dramatic?

"I've been doing this for years and I haven't gotten sick yet"

"I know and I've had to watch you do it for years. And it worries me everytime."

"I have work to do. The new album is coming out soon and I need to finish these songs. I only have a certain amount of time a day before I have to practice with the guys. And I'm wasting time arguing with you. Stop being annoying."

She sighs, "Yoongi, I'm not asking you to stop what you're doing and go shopping or whatever. I'm asking you to take a five minute break to eat something."

"I'm not hungry."

"But I made your favorite for you" she says

She's really fucking annoying me

She knows I have to get this done but she keeps coming in here all the time, interrupting my work with stupid things

"Joanne. Fuck off ok? You're so fucking annoying and I want you to fucking leave me alone. Stop coming here. Stop being a pest. I'll tell you when I'm done. Stop interrupting me with your dumb shit. I don't care what you have to say. I'm busy and you're making everything worse. Get the fuck out.", I explode

I see the hurt in her face but I'm too upset to care

But the thing that make me feel guilty is when she hides the hurt and just smiles a small smile at me

"Ok Yoongi. I'll leave you alone. Uh I'll just leave the food here for you. I guess text me whenever your finished with everything, whenever that is, ok? I won't bother you anymore."

She places the food on my desk, leans down and kisses my cheek, then goes to the door

"You can text me if you need anything and I'll get it for you ok? I love you"

Then she's gone

And I feel like the biggest asshole in the world

But it had to be done

She can't keep coming here and stopping me from working

J POV

I sigh and turn to my computer, and continue to work on the music

😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺

I'm not gonna lie

What Yoongi said hurts like hell

But I also know he's stressed out and he lashes out when he's stressed

He's done it before, but not this bad

But I let it go because I know he doesn't mean it and he would never say those things to me if he wasn't under so much pressure

Yoongi is my best friend since we were kids when I moved to Daegu.

We've been together for two years

I was floored when he told me he was in love with me

I fell for him when we were teenagers but I never thought he'd feel the same

I knew what I was getting into dating an idol

Long hours, constant work, tours, performances, not a lot of time to spend together

But it didn't matter and still doesn't because it's Yoongi

I just get worried about him when he locks himself in his studio and doesn't come out

Being with Yoongi is not easy

He's very different from other guys

He doesn't express his emotions very well and keeps them lock inside until he explodes

I'm the same way but I've been working to change that because it's not good

Yoongi is affectionate but not overly affectionate, especially in public

He'll only hold my hand in public or put his arm around me

He'll kiss my cheek here and there and it's very rare that he'll kiss me on the lips

When we're alone he's more affectionate

He likes to cuddle especially when we take naps and loves being held

He'll kiss me and hug me but he's not over the top about it

He can be fine with us just sitting next to each other, not touching

But he's still not all over me or constantly touching me

He likes his personal space too

Which is fine by me because I'm the same way

We're a lot alike actually

It's just he can be mean and say hurtful things when he's stressed, annoyed or upset

I can't do that to him when I'm feeling that way

I can't say things like that to him

Ill just ask him to leave me alone for awhile and he does

But like I said, I get it

I know it's hard for him and I'm not holding it against him

I love him and I'll do whatever he wants

So I'll keep my texts to a minimum and I won't go to his studio anymore

I'll leave him alone like he asked and let him tell me when he's done

The next day I call Jin and ask him to meet me at the cafe across the street from BigHit

"Hey Jo, what's up?"

"Oh nothing. I have a favor to ask you"

"Sure, what is it?"

I slide a big bag to him

"Uh I made food for Yoongi for the whole week. Can you give him something everyday so he can eat? You know how he forgets about everything when he's working."

Even though he's annoyed at me, I can't let him go hungry

I still worry about him

I love him

"Uh sure but why can't you do it?", he asks

I sigh, "He doesn't want me there"

Jin looks surprised

"What do you mean?"

"Yesterday he said somethings to me and told me to stop going to his studio. He said he'll call me when he's done with everything."

"What? He told you to stay away? What the fuck is his problem? I'm gonna-"

"No.", I interrupt, "Please Jin don't say anything to him. It's ok. It's fine. It's just I know how he is and I still worry about him, so I made all his favorite things hoping he'll actually stop and eat it. So please just give him something everyday. And if he's still working next week I'll make more stuff and give it to you again, if that's ok?"

"Fine. That's ok. But Jo, it's not fine that he treats you like this, telling you to stay away. That's not right.", Jin insists

"Jin, it's ok really. He's only like this when he's stressed. I get it ok?"

"Yeah but we all get stressed and the rest of us don't act like he does to our girlfriends. We're actually glad to see them"

"Jin", I sigh, "You can't compare you guys to Yoongi. You know he's different. And I've known him since we were kids. I know what he's like but I love him anyway. I knew what I was getting into being with him. And honestly I wouldn't change him for the world."

"You are one of a kind Jo. Anyone would be lucky to have you as their girlfriend. He needs to realize how lucky he is."

"Thanks Jin but please don't say anything to him ok? He's already stressed out enough."

"Fine I won't, but I don't like how he's treating you right now."

"I know Jin. Thanks. I gotta go. I have to get to work. I'll see you later"

We both stand up

"Ok Jo. I'll make sure his dumb ass eats ok? Don't worry about it."

I nod, "Thanks Jin."

We walk outside and wave when we both go our spearate ways

These next weeks are going to be hard, not seeing or talking to Yoongi

Yoongi POV

But he wants his space and I'll give it to him

😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺

"Yoongi," Jin calls as he comes in the studio

Jesus

Can he leave me the fuck alone?

"What?", I snap

"Here"

He puts some food in front of me

"Eat it. Jo made it for you and asked me to give it to you."

She what?

She made me food when I was being such an ass yesterday?

"Uh she did?"

"Yeah. She actually gave me a whole bag full of stuff she cooked for you for this week. She asked me to give you something everyday. She said something about giving you the space you wanted. But when I asked she wouldn't say anything else."

Fuck

I'm such a dick

"So I'm gonna give you the food everyday and you're gonna fucking eat it, got it?"

Jin doesn't curse unless he's extremely pissed off

I look at Jin, shocked

So I just nod

"I don't know what's going on with you and her but you don't fucking deserve her. But for some reason she loves you with all her heart so don't fucking hurt her.", he says angrily and walks away, slamming the studio door

He's right

I don't deserve her

I yelled at her and said nasty things to her and she still makes me food and is giving me the space I need

She deserves better than me

But I love her so much and I can't let her go

She's my everything and I can't live without her

I look down at the food she made

Another of my favorite food

As I eat it, I feel so ashamed of the way I acted towards her

But I don't know what to do

I really need to finish all this work

It has to be done in the next few weeks for the album

I'll make it up to her when everything is done

I'll do anything and everything she wants

I'll show her how much I love her so she never forgets

Over the next month, I'm constantly in my studio working

And I miss her so much

I haven't seen her since the day I told her to get out

We don't live together so I don't see her when I get home to the dorm

If I get to the dorm

I want to see her so badly

But I can't bring myself to call her and ask her to come after what I said to her

This fucking music is just so time consuming

It's the hardest part, creating the music, writing lyrics, and putting it all together

I love doing it but this time guilt is eating me alive because of the way I was towards her

Who's only worried about me

Jin still brings me food that she makes for me everyday

It's always one of my favorite foods

She isn't Korean but she learned how to cook Korean food for me and she learned how to make all of my favorite things

And it's always delicious

And I eat the food everyday because she made it and she's asking me to

She doesn't call or text me a lot like she used to

But when she does, it's full of love

"I love you Yoongi"

"I hope you're feeling ok today naekkeo"

"If you need anything let me know ok?"

"If there's anything you want me to cook for you tell me and I'll make it"

"Just wanna tell you I love you"

It breaks me everytime I read them

I know how lucky I am that she loves me

I answer her back telling her I love her, thanking her, telling her I'm ok

I don't tell her I miss her, or I want to see her or I want to hear her voice or anything like that

"Finally", I mutter

I don't feel like I have the right to say those things after telling her to leave me alone

-------------------------------------------------

I just put the last song together and sent it to Namjoon

I have practice in an hour but after that I'm free

Finally

And I want to see Joanne

I need to talk to her

I pick up my phone and text her

"Hi jagi. I'm finished with all the music. I have practice soon but after that can I come over? I miss you so much."

In a minute she answers back

"You finished? I'm so proud of you baby. I know the songs will be amazing. I miss you so much too. Of course you can come over. I'll make you some food too ok, so don't eat with the guys"

She's honestly the best girl in the world

She's proud of me because I finish the songs

The songs that I dropped her for

The songs that kept me away from her for a month

The songs that made me yell at her and hurt her

I can't help it, I start to cry

She really is too good for me

I'm such a terrible boyfriend

She deserves way better than me

But I'm so happy she loves and wants me

And I'll make everything up to her

After practice, I go to the dorm and shower before going to her apartment

I swear to myself I will

--------------------------------------------------

I practically run to her door when I get there

I want to see her so badly

I use the key she gave me and open the door

I walk in and look for her

She's in the kitchen

I go to the doorway, freeze and just stare at her

She's so fucking gorgeous

She's wearing a Suga t-shirt I got for her when we first started dating

I told her that she needed a shirt with my name on it since she was Suga's girl now

She has on shooky pj pants, her hair is in a messy ponytail bun thing and she just has on winged eyeliner that I'm assuming she wore to work

"Jagi", I call

She turns to the doorway and the second she sees me, her beautiful smile bursts on her face

"Yoongi!", she yells and runs to me

I catch her and pick her up, holding her tightly to me

Fuck

I missed holding her or even just touching her

Her arms are around my neck squeezing me tightly while she whispers, "Yoongi I missed you so much baby. I'm so happy you're here"

My heart soars at her words

"I miss you so much Jo. I love you so much" I answer

She looks at me, a huge smile still on her face as she touches my face

I lean forward and crash my lips to hers, kissing her with everything I have

I haven't kissed her in a month and I miss her kisses

They're the best things in the world

She kisses me back with just as much passion and love

When the kiss ends, I want to keep kissing her, so I kiss all over her face- her cheeks, her nose, her forehead, everywhere

She giggles while I do it and her laugh is music to my ears

God I missed her

I put her down and she hugs me before letting go

"Are you hungry naekkeo?"

I nod

"Ok well the food is ready so we can eat now. Sorry I look like a mess. I was going to change before you came", she says while getting dishes

"You're perfect baby. You could wear a paper bag and still be perfect to me."

She giggles, "Thanks naekkeo"

I go to help her with the food but she shakes her head

"Just go sit baby. I'll bring everything. It's ok. I know you must be tired"

She's always thinking about me before herself

"Go Yoongi, it's ok. I promise"

She shoos me away

I got to the table and sit down

She puts everything out, making like five trips back and forth from the kitchen

Once she sits down, we both start eating

Jesus it's good

But everything she makes is good

We eat but I'm antsy

I want to apologize to her

I can't wait anymore

"Jo", I call her

"Yeah Yoongi? You ok?"

I shake my head

"What's wrong?", she asks immediately alert, "Do you not like the food? I can make you something else. Just tell what you want"

"No Jo. It's not the food. The food is amazing."

"Then what? Did I do something wrong? I can fix whatever it is", she responds

She thinks she did something wrong?

That's so far from the truth

She never does anything wrong

She's always there for me, doing anything she can for me

I'm the one that does everything wrong

I'm the one that hurts her

She never hurts me

I don't think she's ever yelled at me or said anything to hurt me

"Joanne, you didn't do anything wrong. You never do anything wrong. I'm the one who fucks up all the time."

"No you don't Yoongi. Don't say that"

"Yes I do Jo. Just listen please"

She nods, looking at me, confused

"Jo, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for yelling at you and the things I said to you. I didn't mean it. You're not annoying or a pest jagi. I do care about what you have to say baby, I do. I'm sorry I kicked you out of my studio. I'm sorry I told you to leave me alone and go away."

"Yoongi, baby, it's ok. I know you didn't mean it. I know you said it because you were stressed.", she answers

"No Joanne, it's not ok. I shouldn't have said that to you. I shouldn't yell at you no matter what I'm feeling. You were worried about me and trying to help me. Instead of seeing that I got mad and said horrible things to you. And even after that, you gave me what I wanted, you kept making me food, you kept texting me loving things, you kept being there if I needed you."

Tears fill my eyes and I let them fall

I can't believe I treated her so badly

"I don't deserve you. I don't deserve how much you care about me, how much you love me, everything you do for me. I always yell and hurt you when I'm stressed or upset or annoyed and that's not ok. You never do that to me. And you still smile at me, love me, help me and do anything you can for me.

And it's not right, how I sometimes act towards you."

"Yoongi, no don't think that. I know you get stressed and I know how you can be. I know you'd never say those things normally. You deserve love, you deserve to be happy and deserve to have someone help you. And I'm so happy it's me that can do that and that you love me, Yoongi. So don't say you don't deserve me because you do naekkeo", she smiles softly at me

I just stare at her in awe

How can she feel this way?

How can she love me this much?

"Joanne, I promise I'll be better. I promise I'll control myself when I'm stressed. I don't want to hurt you or yell at you again. I'm gonna try harder. I'm not going to lock myself in my studio anymore. I hate the way I become when I do that. I promise I'll take breaks and spend time with you. This last month was horrible without you. I missed you so much and I wanted to see you so badly. But I couldn't ask you to come."

"Why not Yoongi? I would of went"

"I know you would", I answer, "but I couldn't ask you. Not after yelling at you to leave me alone and kicking you out. I didn't feel right doing that then calling you back when I missed you. You're not a pet that has to come when I call or leave when I tell you too."

"Oh Yoongi, I know you don't think of me like that. And you don't treat me like that. So don't think you do", she tells me.

"Jo-", I start

"No Yoongi. Stop ok. It's all over with now. Thank you for apologizing and I forgive you, even though there's nothing to forgive. I know you didn't mean it. I just want to move on from it. You're here now and that's all that matters.", she replies, "So please naekkeo can we just be happy together?"

I nod

I can't tell her no

I want to be happy with her too

She's such a genuine, good person

She doesn't think there's anything to forgive me for

She's amazing and I'm never letting her go

"Jo", I call

"Yeah baby?"

I'm fucking terrified but I have to do this

I stand up and she looks at me confused

I go in front of her chair, then I go down on one knee, holding out a ring to her

I've been thinking about doing this for awhile

And after last month, I'm convinced I can't be without her

So while I took breaks eating the food she gave me, I looked online for rings I thought she'd like

Then I left practice early a few days to design the ring with the jeweler and to pick it up when it was done

"Uh...Yoongi?", she gasps

"Joanne, I love you so much. I know I'm never going to find someone else like you. And I don't want to. You're the only one for me. I knew you were my one from the second you said yes to being mine. It's like you were made for me, you're perfect for me and I'm never letting you go."

She reaches down, her hand touching my cheek softly, smiling at me

"This past month without you showed me I can't be without you. I already knew that but the reality of it hit me like a ton of bricks. Not seeing you, not hearing your voice, not being able to hold you or kiss you drove me insane. I want you forever."

Turning my head I kiss her palm, holding onto her fingers tightly

"I'm keeping all the promises I made, I'll stop locking myself in my studio, I'll spend so much more time with you. I'm gonna control myself and I promise I won't yell at you or hurt you again."

She's looking at me with tears in her eyes and she's so fucking beautiful

"Joanne, will you marry me?", I ask

"Yes Yoongi! Yes!", she cries, slamming into me in a hug, "I love you so much Yoongi. I missed you so much. I never want to be without you either. It's always been you Yoongi. No one comes close to you"

I pull back from her and kiss her

She responds and kisses me back, holding me tightly to her

Then she moves back and I put the ring on her finger

She stares at it, then looks at me, smiling through her tears

"I love you Yoongi", she whispers

"I love you Joanne. You're the best girl in the world", I answer, "Thank you for loving me"

She comes closer and she presses her lips to mine

I wrap my arms around her, kissing her beautiful lips

I lick her bottom lip and she responds by opening her mouth to let my tongue in

Her tongue touching mine is fucking incredible

Like I said, her kisses are out of this world

I miss her and I want her to make her feel good so much

I haven't been with her in a month and I want to make her scream, shake and orgasm again and again.

I miss watching her and just feeling her against me

I pick her up

I pushed the plates of food to the side and put her on the table

"Yoongi", she moans

"Yeah jagi?"

"I missed you so much."

"Me too. Do you want me to make you feel good baby?"

"Yea Yoongi. I want you. I always want you"

I pull away from her, smiling at her

I touch her face, feeling her soft skin

"I always want you baby. I love you", I reply

I move to her neck, kissing her all over, pulling her shirt down to kiss her shoulder, her collarbone and chest

Her hands are in my hair and the sounds coming from her are turning me on

I lift her shirt up and off her, then take her bra off

I suck on her nipple and she yells loudly

I love her reactions to me kissing her, touching her, doing anything to her.

I love that I make her like that and I fucking love when she tells me how amazing I'm making her feel

She's never been shy about that

I push her back on the table and pull her pants and panties off

I sit in a chair, open her legs, lift her up by her ass and attach my tongue to her pussy.

Fuck, I miss how good she is

I moan in her, licking her furiously and she screams

Yes fuck, I love her screams

I suck on her clit and she jumps

"Yes Yoongi, baby, fuck. Don't stop"

Hearing her makes me want to do whatever she wants

So I don't stop

"YOONGI!", she cries as she cums, body shaking

I pull away, watching her creamy cum run down her pretty cunt

I bite my lip then lick it up from her

"Fuck baby, you taste incredible", I moan

I love her cum, like she loves mine

It tastes so good and I can have it all day

"Fuck Yoongi. You're voice can make me cum", she moans

I know

It actually happened once

That was crazy

But I want more right now so I lick her pussy again

She starts to move, fucking my face

I get so excited, I love when she does this

She's so into me eating her out and that makes me feel good

That she loves my tongue on her so much

My tongue is flicking her clit in the same spot when she starts to scream

I slip my tongue inside her just as she cums and it tasting fucking amazing

"Baby you're my favorite thing to eat", I murmur

"Fuck Yoongi"

I stand up, pulling her to a sitting position

I kiss her neck again, whispering, "Baby I wanna fuck you so good and so hard. I want to make you scream, make your body shake and make you cum over and over."

"Jesus Yoongi", she whimpers

"Can you let me jagi? I want to so much. Please let me", I plead

"Yes Yoongi, yes. You can do Whatever you want to me."

I kiss her lips and pick her up again, bringing her to her bedroom, laying her on her back in her bed

She pulls my shirt off, then unbuckles my belt in record time, pulling my pants and boxers off

I hold her legs open and slide in her, so easily

She's so wet, so tight, taking me in so fucking well

"Fuck Yoongi!"

"Jesus baby, you feel so good", I groan

"Move baby. Fuck me hard!, she cries

Smirking, I slam my cock in and out of her hard and fast.

"Yes, Yoongi, fuck. I missed your cock so much."

"Yeah baby?" ,I ask, "I missed your tight, wet pussy"

I pound into her, her screams getting louder

I brush up against the place that drives her crazy and I smirk

Found it

"Oh god!", she screams

I thrust into that spot over and over

"Yoongi, oh god, Yoongi, more, more more!", she shouts

"You want more?"

She nods

"I'll give you more but only if you cum"

She moans loudly, incoherently

"Baby? Will you cum?", I ask again

"Yes Yoongi, yes!"

Hooking my arms under her legs, I push them to her chest, pounding her cunt and going so deep inside

Pleasure runs all over me and her body shaking from pleasure too

She clenches on my cock and I know she's going to orgasm

"Come on Jo. I want you to cum on my cock. Fuck baby, give it to me. I want it"

"Ahhhh uuuhhhh", she whimpers

"Please baby. Cum on me", I beg

I want it so fucking much

I want to feel her

"God Yoongi!"

She cums hard, squeezing me and it feels out of this world

I can't describe the feeling of her coming on me

It's just...everything

"More Jo. Again."

I slam her spot again, making her climax again

"Yoongi!", she screams, squeezing my arms so fucking hard

"More jagi. I'm not stopping until you cum so much more"

I thrust again and she orgasms again, her cunt spasming around my length, her arms wrapping around my neck, clinging to me, the pleasure amazing

"Fuck baby. If I just keep slamming you there you cum huh?"

"Yes Yoongi, yes!"

"I want more baby. Do you want it too?", I ask

"Yes Yoongi! I love coming on you're....ahhhhhh" she screams when another orgasm hits her, "Your cock. You're so fucking hard and you feel so good"

She moans loudly and I smile down at her, watching her cum over and over again

I love that I can make her orgasms so good that she stops talking, just so she can fully feel it

"Again", I yell, thrusting again causing her to climax again

"Again"

Another slam, another orgasm

"Good girl", I cry

God it feels like ecstasy

And if I feel like that then I can't imagine how she feels

"Again"

"Yoongi I can't. I want to but I can't"

"Yeah you can. Be a good girl and cum one more time for me" I ask, "And after I promise I'll cum inside you

"Oh yes", she moans, so fucked out in my arms

"Yeah jagi. I know you like having my cum inside you"

She nods, whimpering, her eyes closed, pleasure all over her face

I thrust hard and she screams the loudest she has so far, her whole body shakes hard, her back arching up, sweat all over her body as she explodes

She becomes so tight and it feels phenomenal when I push through

"YOONGI! YOONGI! YOONGI!"

Hearing her scream my name, feeling her and watching her pushes me over the edge and I cum so hard in her

My body shakes, and I yell her name

"JOANNE! fuck baby! Yes, yes!"

I try to hold myself up after I finish but I can't and end up falling on top of her.

She puts her arms around me holding me, one around my back, one running her fingers in my hair

I landed on top of her with my head on her shoulder

I feel her kiss my shoulder, and lean her head on mine

She rubs my back and it feels good

"I love you Yoongi. So much naekkeo. Don't ever forget that."

I won't and I will never take her for granted again

"I won't Joanne, as long as you don't forget that I love you too. You're my everything", I respond

"And you're mine", she kisses my shoulder again

I start to move but she holds me tighter

"Stay Yoongi. I love holding you. I haven't been able to this whole month and I want to now.", she tells me

"You sure? I don't want to hurt you because I'm heavy"

"I'm sure Yoongi. Stay please."

"Ok baby"

I put one of my arms around her body and the other under the shoulder I'm laying on.

She keeps playing with my hair and she starts singing to me.

I love her voice and she used to sing while hugging me when we were kids when I was upset or crying

And since we've been together, she sings me to sleep

I asked her to once and she just kept on doing it

And I love it so much

I close my eyes, listening to her sing and playing with my hair

I fall asleep, feeling so happy

"Baby what are you doing?",.I laugh

6 months later

Yoongi POV

She pulled my chair away from the computer and she climbed on my lap, squeezing me tightly

Her legs are on either side of my body, arms around me and her head on my shoulder, face in my neck

She's like a little ball in my lap, so fucking cute

I put my arms around her hugging her just as tightly

"I just want to squeeze you. I'll get off in a second", she giggles

She kisses my neck and moves to get up

Except that I hold her to me, keeping her where she is

"Yoongi, you can let go. I'll let you get back to work."

"No baby stay. I can work while holding you"

"Uh you sure?", she asks confused

"Yeah Jo. I want you here. I love holding you jagi. I'm almost done with the song and then we can go get food ok?"

"Ok Yoongi."

She lays her head back on my shoulder while I roll my chair back to the computer

I go back to work putting the song together while holding her

Our new album is coming out and I have to work on songs again

But this time it's different

I'm keeping my promise to her

Everything has been going incredible with her

We're planning our wedding for next year, I took her on tour with me and we moved into the apartment I bought a few years ago

And when I started working on the new songs, I didn't lock myself in the studio again

Instead I asked her to come with me and stay with me while I work, if she can

She comes most days and does things like read or play on her tablet, letting me work

I've started asking her her opinions on the music, lyrics and the parts of the song I have together

When she's not here and has to work, I'll take a break and go eat with her when she has her lunch break

I work on the music mainly during the morning because we have practice in the afternoon and she usually has work in the afternoons

I'll come home after practice and just be with her

Sometimes, I'll keep working on the music in my home studio in our apartment and she e comes in and out but it doesn't bother me

It doesn't bother me when she kisses me or wants a second to hug me like she just did or talk to me

It's not worth getting mad over and I never want to hurt her like I did before

I can't stand to think of not seeing her for a month again because I can't control my stress level

And I found I love having her with me while I work

I was so stupid all this time, staying away from her during work

Having her with me calms me and actually decreases my stress

And of course the sex we have in my studio is fucking mind blowing

But sex with her always is

I lean down and kiss her shoulder while keeping my eyes on the computer screen

She shifts so that she's sitting on my lap bridal style

Her head is still on my shoulder and her arms around my body

"You ok baby?", I ask

"Mm hmm"

I love the feeling of her leaning her forehead on my neck

I know she's gonna fall asleep, but it's ok

As long as she's with me, I'm good

After another half an hour, I'm done with the song

I only have two more to do

I can finish them over the next two days

I want to be with her now

"Jagi," I call, running my fingers through her hair, "Baby. Jo."

"Huh...", she says groggily

"Jo, I'm done with the song"

"Yea? That's good baby. I'm happy you finished", she sits up yawning, "How many more do you have to do?"

"Two"

"Oh. Ok. We can come back after we eat so you can work on them."

"Nah. I wanna spend the rest of the time with you before practice. I can do them tomorrow and the next day."

She looks at me surprised, "Are you sure? I don't want to get in the way of you working."

"It's fine jagi. I just want you. The songs can wait. I'll finish them. Don't worry.", I smile at her

"Ok baby", she smiles at me

I lean down and kiss her softly

I take her hand, "Let's go Jo"

She grips my hand and we leave the studio together

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