#I had a lot to say on this one

[gxlden-angels]

Shiny Happy People Thoughts: Episode 2

TW: The Duggar Family

- This episode begins on Josh's crimes and abuse as well as his family's attempts to cover it up

- I thought the documentary would focus more on them, but it's actually going more into how these environments foster so much abuse, which is honestly great but also a lot harder to watch

- Like it's one thing to point at them and say "This is where it could lead" but it's another to say "This is the environmental set-up. It was widespread and you may have grown up with it. Here are some of those factors you may know"

- It's weird to watch a family like the Duggars and go "oh most people think this is weird" like I was never homeschooled but I didn't need to be. We were actively taught that public school would teach you these specific worldly things so ignore those and listen to us instead

- We "had church" at home during birthday parties and holiday dinners or whatever where they sat all us kids down and insisted on teaching us these things

- Older women in the family would tell testimony after testimony about how happy they were being under their husband's protection even if that meant having sex when they were exhausted, not in the mood, and sick

- Men complained about abuse being exposed on the news because they felt like an abused wife should handle it privately at home

- I honestly can't imagine where I'd be if I was homeschooled on top of everything

- I do agree that the insistence on homeschooling only is more of a white evangelical thing. After such a fight to even have the right to get into and finish public school, I think in black evangelical communities it was seen more as a blessing to be able to go to public schools, especially if you convinced your friends to go to church with you

- The 2nd to last church we went to even bribed us into it. They gave us a dollar if we brought our own paper bibles and we had a sticker chart or something if you brought friends we'd eventually get a celebration

- There was also this fear that if you didn't assimilate into white evangelical culture in the South, then you'd end up on the streets doing illegal shit and going to jail or whatever. It's very victim blaming. There was a mix of understanding systemic racism in the U.S while also saying Black people are at fault for not just staying married and spanking their children to prevent them from being "fast"

- Like sure my own parents are older than the Voting Rights Act, but somehow "welfare queens" are the issue. Black communities are very quickly assimilating into the individualist white evangelical mindset of be good and god will bless you individually

- Spare the Kids: Why Whupping Children Won't Save Black America goes into that a lot. People have mixed feelings about it but I related a lot to it

- Black kids in these spheres were seen more as a risk if not raised this way essentially. Don't hang out with so and so's kids they don't go to church, spank their kids or insist on parentifying their older kids and that's how you end up smoking crack or something

- I honestly had to pause during the section about hair. That's a major trigger for me.

- It was such a confusing balance because I was told I need my hair done well because it needed to glorify god and honor my father, but it also couldn't be too beautiful because then I was being vain/causing lust but also my grandfather would tell me he liked me better when my hair was a certain way but also I should focus on what god wanted, not what he wanted but also

- And it was even more difficult with my coils and curls. I relaxed my hair from ages 5 to 15 and it legitimately took years for my hair to recover from it. It was a difficult transition because my grandfather insisted that I was much prettier and more godly to him when my hair was long and relaxed and he even talked about how unattractive my grandmother is between hair styles when her natural hair is out to convince me to start relaxing and stop cutting my hair again

- The insistence on framing your face correctly was wild. I had this unhealthy bob for years because it "framed my face well" like no my hair was one bad summer day from being fried to death and falling out (and sometimes it really did fall out)

- "Instead of learning math, you're leaning slut shaming"

"Don't think about your sisters' boobs. What are you gonna do? Think about your sisters' boobs."

- Unrelated but Bill Gothard looks like a deepfake in every video of him

- They've come back to the effects of parentification. My dad got the worst of it as the oldest of 6. I was parentified but not as much as he was

- "I had to break his will" another hard trigger

- I was told at 11/12ish that I was allowed to spank my younger stepcousins when I was babysitting them. I hate to admit that I did once when the youngest slid down the stair railing she was told not to slide down and I felt so guilty I never did it again. I shouldn't have been told to spank her and I also shouldn't have been put in this situation that young. That was around the time I first developed intrusive thoughts about my family dying so at the time I legitimately thought it was the only way to keep her safe from falling to her death

- "You were spanked until you stopped crying, which could be hours" for me it was "now stop all that crying before I really give you something to cry about" which all seems counterintuitive

- Took another break because of To Train Up Child. Did not have the book growing up, but definitely recognize a lot of the ideas from it. I've talked about it before on this blog

- Its difficult to get through but I also feel such a weight off my shoulders. Like it's one thing to have a therapist say "you're not a bad kid, you were raised in bad circumstances" but it's another to have a docuseries say it. It's another thing to see others have this same uncomfortable bodily reaction. Nervous laughter, moving around, fidgeting, etc.

- "You know, a little psychological terror is sometimes more effective than the pain" I was much more terrified of the threat of being spanked than actually being spanked. I hated the feeling of "I disappointed you enough that you have to plan to hit me later"

- My dad says he remembered spanking me a couple times when I was like 2 and never again. He felt like positive reinforcement and explaining why doing something bad was wrong was more efficient for me cause I liked being helpful, I was just super independent and easily overwhelmed. There's a reason he's the only family member I honestly care to keep contact with

- "Michael and Debi Pearl are some motherfuckers" SAY IT AGAIN LOUDER

- Amy Duggar crying about the "rod of encouragement" made me also tear up. I'm working on the guilt of not being able to change the rest of my family's mind and save my younger family members.

- This episode is harder than the first but it's honestly what I needed right now. I needed a third party to say "you survived the best you could. you're still trying. you can't save everyone, especially if you aren't fully free yourself yet"

- There's stuff I didn't even think of as traumatizing that I realize still controls so much of my actions. This is so good and I highly recommend it so far if you think you can handle it.

- I wasn't blanket trained. My biological parents loved my independence. They loved how much I liked being helpful independently and they never wanted to break that spirit.

- My dad even raised me to focus on education and be able to support myself before I ever got married. I never had a conversation with him about relationships since he felt awkward about it he much preferred I learned from women in the family/church. They taught me purity culture.

- "If a man says he wants you, then he's god's man for you and you have to learn how to adjust your feelings and thoughts around that." This is how my grandparents and uncles saw things. They insisted this was romantic and good. I did a survey of my high school to see if anyone else thought that way and only like 3 out of the 50-60 people I asked did. When I pointed that out to my uncle he said it's because my school was full of sheltered nerds.

- My dad was horrified by all of it. I honestly think watching this documentary could make him deconstruct more than he already has. He's still a christian, but a progressive one. He's still growing each day

- Had a lot of feelings about this one. I think this one hit the hardest cause it essentially explains how these circles groom people, especially young girls.

[beif0ngs]

everyone on tumblr @Buggy the 🤡 right now 

[kindnessoverperfection]

Please, if you can, take a moment to read and share this because I feel like I'm screaming underwater.

NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) stigma is rampant right now, and seems to be getting progressively worse. Everyone is using it as a buzzword in the worst ways possible, spreading misinformation and hatred against a real disorder.

I could go on a long time about how this happened, why it's factually incorrect (and what the disorder actually IS), why it's harmful, and the changes I'd like to see. But to keep this concise, I'll simply link to a few posts under the cut for further reading.

The point of this post is a plea. Please help stop the spread of stigma. Even in mental health communities, even around others with personality disorders, in neurodivergent "safe" spaces, other communities I thought people would be supportive in (e.g. trans support groups, progressive spaces in general), it keeps coming up. So I'm willing to bet that a lot of people on this site need to see this.

Because it's so hard to exist in this world.

My disorder already makes me feel as if I'm worthless and unlovable, like there's something inherently wrong and damaged about me. And it's so much harder to fight that and heal when my daily life consists of:

Laughing and spending time with my friends, doing my utmost best to connect and stay present and focused on them, trying to let my guards down and be real and believe I'm lovable- when suddenly they throw out the word "narcissist" to describe horrible people or someone they hate, or the conversation turns to how evil "people with narcissistic personality disorder" are. (Seriously, you don't know which of your friends might have NPD and feels like shit when you say those things & now knows that you'd hate them if you knew.)

Trying to look up "mental health positivity for people with npd", "mental health positivity cluster bs", only to find a) none of that, and b) more of the same old vile shit that makes me feel terrible about myself.

Having a hard time (which is constant at this point) and trying to look up resources for myself, only to again, find the same stigma. And no resources.

Not having any clue how to help myself, because even the mental health field is spitting so much vitriol at people with DISORDERS (who they're supposed to be helping!) that there's no solid research or therapy programs for people like me.

Losing close friends when they find out, despite us having had a good relationship before, and them KNOWING me and knowing that I'm not like the trending image of pwNPD. Because now they only see me through the lens of stigma and misinformation.

Hearing the same stigma come up literally wherever I go. Clubs. Meetings. Any online space. At the bus stop. At the mall. At a restaurant. At work. Buzzword of the year that everyone loooves loudly throwing around with their friends or over the phone. Feels awesome for me, makes my day so much better/s

I could go on for a long time, but I'm scared no one will read/rb this if it gets too much longer.

So please. Stop using the word "narcissist" as a synonym for "abusive".

Stop bringing up people you hate who you believe to have NPD because of a stigmatizing article full of misinformation whenever someone with actual NPD opens their mouth. (Imagine if people did that with any other disorder! "Hey, I'm autistic." "Oh... my old roommate screamed at me whenever I made noise around him, and didn't understand my needs, which seems like sensory overload and difficulty with social cues. He was definitely autistic. But as long as you're self-aware and always restraining your innate desire to be an abusive asshole, you're okay I guess, maybe." ...See how offensive and ignorant that is?)

Stop preventing healthcare for people with a disorder just because it's trendy to use us as a scapegoat.

If you got this far, thank you for reading, and please share this if you can. Further reading is under the cut.

NPD Criteria, re-written by someone who actually has NPD

Stigma in the DSM

Common perception of the DSM criteria vs how someone may actually experience them (Keep in mind that this is the way I personally experience these symptoms, and that presentation can vary a lot between individuals)

"Idk, the stigma is right though, because I've known a lot of people with NPD who are jerks, so I'm going to continue to support the blockage of treatment for this condition."

(All of these were written by me, because I didn't want to link to other folks' posts without permission, but if you want to add your own links in reblogs or replies please feel free <3)

[seventh-district]

Making Incorrect H:SR Quotes Until I Run Out of (hopefully) Original Ideas - Pt. 6

[Pt. 1] [Pt. 2] [Pt. 3] [Pt. 4] [Pt. 5]

[azuries]

say goodbye as we dance with the devil tonight, dont you dare look at him in the eye

[faunandfloraas]

bonus, caught in the act:

[heartorbit]

i'm sending this endless melody to a nameless you

[killjoy-prince]

House M.D. but it's when Wilson says House's name

[keeps-ache]

overgrowth and languor

[recommended you click and zoom] (alt versions below)

[theoldkyokodied]

Uploading all my Tomgreg art at once from the past few week before season 4 hits, who knows in what kind of mental state i'm gonna be once it does :')

[dittobooty]

Thinking a lot about how in One Piece there's a continuing theme of self sacrifice that often doesn't meet its end (I won't say always because there are some characters who have eaten shit for a cause). But I just think about how easy it would be to just accept their sacrifice but the narrative won't allow that. Robin, Zoro, Sanji, Jinbe, they've all tried to give their life for the sake of others but they can't because they really don't have to. I think about Robin's "I want to live" regularly. It's so easy to die for someone but it's so much harder to live for them. And living for them gives back so much more than dying for them does. Dying is just a moment but living lets you have more moments and more time to show how much you care and lets you do so much for others. I feel like a lot of other shonen show dying as one of the bravest things you can do but One Piece is so different because it shows you that living is actually the bravest thing.

[divorcedfiddleford]

leave the door ajar

[ruporas]

post-trimax vash meets stampede wolfwood

[ID: Black and white comic of Vash and Wolfwood of their Stampede versions. The comic starts with Wolfwood continuing off a conversation, saying “I didn’t mean t’say anythin’ bad to her. She just took it the wrong way. But anyway...” Wolfwood speaks with a hand gestured flippantly while Vash, who’s seated next to him, just listens. Vash thinks to himself, “Talks more about himself... Honest expressions... Immature, though he was pretty immature too.” He smiles and continues to think, “And yet...”

A panel of Vash’s eye directed now to the sky. He thinks, “Some things are bound to be the same with us...” He thinks of a memory, the version from Maximum of him and Wolfwood, back shown as they chatted underneath two moons, one moon with a hole through it. Vash continues, “Isn’t that right, W-“ His thoughts are interrupted by Wolfwood coming into a view, a close up his deadpan expression. Vash utters out “-olfwood..?” with a nervous expression. He starts to explain, “Um. Sorry if it seemed like I wasn’t listening, I was! So, let’s keep talking?”

Vash smiles and puts his hands together as he says, “okay?” Wolfwood glares at him with gritted teeth and Vash immediately remembers, “Right, he’s more short-tempered...” He continues to think, “Maybe Plan B works with him—“ before he’s grabbed by his coat collar aggressively and changes thoughts, “OK, never mind, brace for impact..!” But he’s surprised when he’s tugged instead, him and Wolfwood flops against the ground. Wolfwood puts an arm over Vash and says, “I don’t need to be entertained, blondie. If yer tired, we can go to sleep.”

Two close up panels of Wolfwood and Vash’s eyes looking at each other, Wolfwood taking off Vash’s glasses as he says, “Am I wrong?” Vash thinks to himself, “Actually... I was being genuine when I said I wanted to keep talking. I don’t feel tired at all. But, I think you know this body more than I do.”

Vash’s thoughts continue, “I can’t deny the me you’re fond of from being taken care of. And I could never deny your kindness. Even though...” Vash finally smiles and says, “You’re not wrong...” Wolfwood smiles back before tugging Vash closer and says, “Then, let’s sleep.” Vash asks, “Should we get a blanket?” Wolfwood asks, “Why?” before kissing Vash on the cheek, “I’ll keep you warm.” Vash puts his face into both his hands and flushes. Wolfwood smiles cheekily and asks, “What?” Vash responds, “I was caught off guard..” Wolfwood says, “You’ve said worse though.” Vash responds, “Did I...” The panel phases out and the dialogue returns to Vash’s thoughts. He thinks, “I want to stay a bit longer. Talk a bit longer.

You’re tired here too. The future is always going to be unfair to you. I want to protect you from it. I want to hold you close so you won’t go far.” The thoughts overlap the scene of Wolfwood now sleeping peacefully against Vash with an arm over him, Vash’s jacket draped against him as a blanket. Vash looks at him and a small thought bubble thinks, “He can fall asleep first...” His previous thoughts continue, “I know I can’t. I already had that chance.” A close up of Vash putting his hand over Wolfwood’s. He continues, “I wasn’t capable once, I can’t be sure I’d be capable a second time. And in a way...”

Vash’s thoughts continue with the back drop of the sky, Stampede’s sky of two moons without holes, “Some things are bound to be the same. But I know you’ll be loved again and again in a way I’d never know.” A split panel, one half contains the sleeping face of Wolfwood from Stampede, the other of Wolfwood from Trimax. In turn, the Vash lying down looking fondly at Wolfwood shifts to the post Trimax Vash while the other versions, Stampede and earlier Trimax, are faintly drawn next to him doing the same. Vash closes his eyes and finally drifts to sleep as the final text reads, “Goodnight, Wolfwood.”

[anewp0tat0]

Black Butler Amino, Black Arts Magazine - Holiday Party

it doesn't quite look like a holiday party from here, but what I imagined as a humble little piece is~~ Ciel and Lizzy sneak away from the big bustling midford Christmas party and raid the kitchen desserts, like they did when they were kids(it was Lizzy's idea, Ciel clearly hasn't been himself since he returned, and she wanted to bring him back).

[sysig]

Two skeletons in a trench lab coat (Patreon)

Bonus:

He’s very careful! Everything was fine before you interrupted!

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

if you struggle with mental health, one piece of advice i would genuinely give you is learn to knit.

or crochet: something repetitive to do with your hands, assuming you're capable of it. if you're like me and learnt to knit as a kid but let it lie fallow for a long time, it may be that starting a large, simple project (for me it was a cloak, but a blanket could work too) gets you back into it. or maybe doing something smaller, idk. i personally found socks really hard for a while because they felt smaller than my cloak but weren't getting Done quick enough for me. as i've sped up i find it more interesting to knit socks.

regardless, a repetitive task is great for emotional regulation (also see: autistic stimming), and something that you can look at and go hey i've done something, unlike simply using a fidget toy, can also help to pick your mood up when the brain is being cruel.

it's also useful as a conversation starter or distracter if you don't know what to talk about. if you're wanting to talk to older people also you're more likely to reel them in with knitting (i work better with older people, and 99% of people who ask what i'm knitting are older than me). it also gives you the opportunity to not make eye contact because you're busy knitting, even if you're still carrying on a conversation. if you're absolutely stuck for conversation you can count your stitches and people might stop bothering you.

if you have trouble focusing without doing something with your hands, you can knit! i knit a lot in church, and it helps me to focus on what's being said.

i probably have more reasons you should pick up knitting, but i can't recall them right now, so yeah.