#I haven’t shot up in years??????
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Okay well to no one’s surprise my physical therapist also seems convinced that there’s nothing wrong with me and I just have to fucking stretch it off I guess
#I have fucking had it with healthcare workers seriously#and now that I think back on it too my PD was always thinking that my ailments were connected to me being an addict#like with the PVNS in my arm her first thought was to make sure it wasn’t an infection from shooting up#I haven’t shot up in years??????#like can you fucking treat me like a person and not someone jst making up pain for pills or whatever the fuck it is you think I’m doing#I want to fucking scream at these people I feel like I’m being gaslighted by every healthcare person I’ve talked to about this
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😅 I am slowly but surely catching up. I am so sorry to everyone who has left a nice comment on one of my fics and I am only just now responding! I really do read and cherish every single one. I just don’t always have the spoons to reply.
#I’ve cleared out all the stragglers from one shots finally#now I just need to catch up on all the lovely comments on my longfics#I am also trying to comment on all the fics I have read in the past two years that I haven’t had the spoons to comment on
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This is the spiritual successor to Four Seasons Landscaping. To me.
#the political career of rishi sunak over the past two years is something that is absolutely fascinating to me#mans kicks off the mass resignation of virtually everyone of relevance in the johnson government just for a shot at power#manages to climb over everybody else in the leadership campaign; loses at the last hurdle to liz truss#(the human embodiment of a soggy ball of iceberg lettuce you left in your fridge and forgot about)#when truss’s premiership imploded he was right there to… further cock things up?#his highlights include hiring back a cabinet minister who had literally been fired the previous day#after 18 months; his party finally got sick enough of him violently hydroplaning down the highway to hell that they threatened him#with a vote of no-confidence#so he went out in the rain and went straight to charles iii of all people to ask him to dissolve parliament. as you do#and called a general election WHILE STILL IN THE RAIN and while the most unserious music imaginable played in the background#because i guess he thought ‘if i’m going down i’m bringing all of you with me’ ?????#knowing that unless something absolutely bananas happens; he is essentially handing over the country to keir starmer mind you#and then today someone placed him in front of a morrisons sign in such a way that his big head makes the sign look like it says ‘moron’#and photographed him as such. i’m obsessed. no notes#i will not miss this idiot but i can’t say i haven’t been entertained. because i have#i’m like genuinely impressed with how much the tories have managed to fuck up in so many different ways#to be honest ever since david cameron resigned and walked off humming; nothing has been normal here#i mean things were bad before that but good god#personal
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Me after adding 600 words to 2 different fics I’m working on:
Well! Time to not write any more for 2 weeks!
#I will simple fester on thoughts and ideas#likely forget half of them the next time I write#but yolo and we ball or whatever#I’m committed to finishing both of these fics I swear#one of them will likely take me years cause it’s so slow going but we ball#the other one was meant to be a one shot#but#I had an idea for a second chapter and it was too silly to pass up#no I haven’t finished writing chapter one don’t look at me#then there’s all the other fic ideas I have#we do talk about them but we don’t act on them#or we do#ok#so#we might act on them
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🥰🥰🥰
#moots I love and miss you#especially like… some of you in particular#am I three shots in?#maybe#doesn’t change anything I miss my moots 😫😫😫😫😫😫😫#don’t worry you guys Maggie is in my dms making sure I’m okay 🥰#I’m sad bc my close friend is moving on Monday 😔#I’m gonna miss him so much!!!!!#but!!!! my momma is coming up for Thanksgiving!!#since I’m not going home for Xmas this year since I’ll be on call#which#tbh#I’m excited about#I love my family but since I’m the one that moved I’m the one that always has to travel#and I do kinda wanna stay home#I’ll get 2 5-day weekends in a row!!!!!#hopefully it’s super snowy like it was last year#and I get to see Kyle next July!!!!#everybody say yay!!!!!#wow#okay#holy shit I’m a lot drunker than I thought#I haven’t drank in so long I’ve become a light weight 😂#I’m gonna write since I have time#maybe next week I will post something????#(don’t get your hopes up this is the ramblings of a drunk lass)#💗💗💗#bye!!!!
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Tryin’ a lil experiment today but I already know my hypothesis is correct
#babe what’s goin’ on is I get harassed all the time at work by Satanists (yeah I knew the man u all sent yesterday was a henchman & he was#sooooo pissed off I didn’t rise to his bait babe lmao what a fuckin’ drama queen)#as well as mainly being harassed by Christians who in reality r Satanists (I’ve already explained this) & babe guess what? I’ve been#harassed exclusively by men more than twice my age who stand over me (I’m sitting down) & get in my face I’ll show you some of the videos#I’ve taken of me getting harasesed & babe yesterday some 40 year old man w his 60 year old dad told me god loves me & I was responded w#thank you & you too! and they got so fuckin’ pissed off 😭😂 like u men feel like real men ganging up & harassing a young woman who is sittin#down says a lot about u men… ur all big n billy bad ass when ur trying to intimidate a small young woman it says a lot!#so babe the harassment started when I was told to stop wearing black n specifically all black so now I’m gonna wear all black again & so far#satanic Christian’s haven’t said a word & r scared to even look at me. I knew a man was shot talking about me so I stopped & stared at him &#he literally scurried off like the rodent he is :)#so back to all black I am! u🖤 know how much I love to wear all black so it’s a win-win-win situation for me!#oh btw babe this made me laugh when those men said that shit to me & after my response they said we know god loves us & god told me in the#moment no he does not & he was going to directly cause them a car accident (god & the OG said the price of fuckin’ w me is death after they#r done harassing me bc they come up & give their speech then walk away THEN walk BACK to re-escalate it so they said Death will be the#penalty so a bunch of people here r getting into fatal car accidents god keeps showing me what he does to them)#he said he doesn’t allow them Healing Showers after death which is standard procedure he just perp walks them straight to Judgement & curses#their bloodlines this shit is serious & u all need to stop bc harassing someone isn’t worth dying over & that’s the point god himself is#proving he said men will face severe consequences for what they do to women & feel so comfortable doing so
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Ok so I’ve been thinking about it and I may have a few ideas on how to go about writing a regency era au for lockwood & co (primarily following show canon since I’m only 10 chapters into book 1). I mostly just want to write about the fittes ball but regency era and therefore dancing and longing stares and pining with locklyle
#lockwood & co#lockwood and co#I’d just write a one shot#I don’t think I have the writing capability to do more than that#i haven’t written fic in like 10 years#so the dialogue will probably be pretty minimal so I don’t mess up characterization#but I kinda want to give it a shot#we’ll see if I go through with it
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Hello I am still alive but I fell back into my SRMTHFG phase
#I don’t talk about SRMTHFG nearly as much as I should but here we go#So! It was one of my favorite shows growing up#And then they took it off of Disney Channel. And it was fucking canceled. On a CLIFFHANGER#And sitting through Intro to Anthropology and being reminded of how weird monkeys are made me think of SRMTHFG again#So here we are I guess#On an unrelated note CelticPhoenix opened up auditions for the Sketchy Huntsmen again and I think I’m gonna shoot my shot#But that means I’ll have to make new stuff this month since I haven’t drawn in a while and my art’s changed since last year’s auditions…#God. What do I do#Anyway back to the subject at hand#I finished Season 2. And I am in pieces#Somehow it doesn’t hurt as much because I’ve seen the episode many times so I already know what happens#But then comments saying that they could’ve pulled the plug on the show right then and that would’ve been how it ended got to me#Not that they should have. But boy what a downer of an ending amirite#Right???#Anyway if you will excuse me I must be productive elsewhere#Eva rambles#text post
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alternate ogata ending where he fails to kill himself and instead just gets really wounded and falls off the train but somehow survives cuz he’s one lucky bastard. and vasily finds his body by the train tracks, cuz i been followin you of course, after it’s all over and nurses him back to health and then they attempt to have one final show down once ogata is better but at the height of their fight neither of them end up being able to pull the trigger because “ya know what, he ain’t so bad after all” and then they fuck.
#and then they end up traveling together in a ‘what are we. more than friends but not married’ kinda partnership#and that goes on for years until i guess one day ogata is shot by someone from his past with a vendetta idk. I haven’t thought that far#anyway. he dies.#vasily is crushed ofc but he’s also kinda like ‘well we WERE criminals for awhile’ and kinda just accepts it as something bound to happen#thus he makes that portrait of the mountain cat in remembrance of his boo jank#and he ain’t let that shit go till he was DEAD. loyal.#jas rambles#golden kamuy
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hmmm so unfortunate news. I think my allergy did indeed not go away by magic :( I will continue eating nectarines though I forgot how fucjing m good amazing they are I ate 3 my mouth is so swollen
#do not pity me this is idiocy of my own making 😂#but god I haven’t eaten nectarines in YEARS and I tried one the other day bc yk#my apple reaction got much better so I thought I’d give it a shot and it was fine 😭😭😭#but since then I’ve been stuffing ny face with nectarines and#I cannot believe my actions have consequences 😭 anyway my mouth is itchy :(#shut up Sam
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girl help I’m experiencing that common yet elusive late night motivation to get my life together knowing it will fall apart in the morning </3 girl fucking help me
#I hate ittt#I’m always like ‘I’m gonna start doing this’ or ‘I’m gonna finally try and get myself in a place where I can maybe take college classes’#and ‘I’m really gonna try and fix my sleep schedule and stop getting distracted instead of getting something accomplished’#and then in the morning evil me is back and they hate me and everything else#and would sell the world to hell for five more minutes of sleep#and my executive dysfunction has its claws in me again#man it sucks being so behind. I don’t want to like complain and make it sound like I’m worthless bc I’m not but man it’s hard#it’s hard watching ppl younger than you achieve your dreams of learning and getting better and breaking through that mental fog#they’re not always much younger either just like. two years is enough to make me wonder what would have happened if I was there#I know it’s not all in my control why I’m here either— there’s a lot of factors at play#but one of them IS that growing up I couldn’t never beat that executive dysfunction plus mental fog and procrastination#and then I shot myself in the foot by saying I waited to long and shouldn’t even try#and now I’m realizing I could but the years I spent fighting with myself weigh me down now and then#I can’t let it get to me because if I let myself get weighed down by it all I pull others down with me#but sometimes it does make me sad. and frustrated. when I feel this motivation when im lying in bed tired at some ungodly hour#suddenly struck with wanting to change my life and not having the daylight nor the physical/mental ability to get it done right then#not to mention the privacy. if I chose to get up at the buttcheeks of midnight and morning I would be not only destroying my own schedule#but disturbing a bunch of others too#anyway this wasn’t supposed to turn into a rant sorry#I haven’t talked a lot lately so it’s all bubbling inside I guess
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//lambda should be allowed to have three weapons that are not apart of his body and that would be
baseball bat
chainsaw
nail gun
#//allowed i say like I haven’t been writing him using these things in offline stories for years now#//idk how he ended up with them it was like yeah that’d be cool and then giving themto him#//he can use them as a treat#//oh right! quick fun fact about the nail gun!#//it’s based on the nail gun from one of the final destination movies#//have never seen it but I’ve read about it especially the nail gun kill scene and outside of that it seemed cool#//so yeah he’s got a modded nail gun! how he got it in universe idk!#//its usually used as a warning shot/deterrent type thing#//or nailing (lol) someone in the side or limbs with it. non lethally of course because lambda has standards#backup log {ooc}
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Playing a game called ‘how long can I put off talking about my various mental problems with a medical professional’. It’s going badly. I recommend no one play this game, 0/5 stars
#so basically i had an appointment booked tomorrow to talk about potentially getting a prescription for microgynon or similar#just to even out my cycle. but i already got a prescription from boots because i discovered that’s a thing you can do#but i was like ‘no i’ll keep the appointment and finally talk about my anxiety’#my idea was to go in there and be like ‘so here’s the deal; i got my pills already and you should probably check my blood pressure#i’m like 99% certain it’ll be 100 over 80 as always but we should make sure it hasn’t shot up because i could like. die.#second; everybody in my life is begging me to get help for my anxiety. what do now’#but then i thought about it and i was like…… do i really want to go to the doctor’s BEFORE WORK and also talk about all these complex issues#like i WILL cry if i talk about my mental health or lack thereof with a random stranger. i will. because it’s a humiliating conversation!!#i don’t like having it!!! there’s a reason i quit therapy 13 years ago and haven’t gone back#also i don’t want to get up that early. lately i have not been sleeping well and i need all the sleep i can get and my shift doesn’t start#til 11; which WOULD allow me to sleep in if i didn’t have a doctor’s appointment at fucking 9#i was also thinking in my own brain like. what if i chicken out and only have them check my blood pressure (which is a pointless exercise#because it Is going to be 100 over 80 and also i could just buy a blood pressure machine and do that in my home. then they’ve put aside a 30#minute block for someone who literally doesn’t need it. i should cancel it in case someone needs an urgent appointment#so i called them and cancelled it lol#listen. one day i will stop playing this game and just TALK to somebody. but it is not this day#i genuinely think that for the moment i can manage my anxiety with herbal remedies and meditation and just reminding myself that i am being#stupid and to shut up. like i’m fundamentally okay. i am going to work. i am functioning at work. my manager is happy with how i’m doing#and says other coworkers have told her i’m great. everyone is commenting saying i’ve lost weight and i look well#i take my little mabel for walks and i read books and enjoy my hobbies. like. i’m OKAY.#i know things could still be better but fundamentally i don’t think i have anything meaningful to tell a medical professional#like maybe everyone gets nervous and sad and feels like it’s all pointless. what do i really expect to happen#would antidepressants even help me? who can be sure. not me#tl;dr i’m FINE except when i’m not but even then i think generally i will be fine#personal
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and i thought last years birthday was bad
#my bf almost got tazed and arrested at walmart just for BUYING me gifts#my sister disinvited me from her wedding#my titi and i have majorly fallen apart#along with my aunt and cousin probably#and my sister obviously#then my bfs lil bestie got forced to go into rehab#my titi told my dad that i went to detox#so my dad knows that i’m a fucking liar#i literally told him yesterday that i haven’t used since february#my bf is still so mean#i just want a shot of meth#and a xannie#i got gifts and people sang the song to me#but no cake with a candle#i wanted to go play pool and drink beer but i am broke so#i just feel so sad#i lose everyone bc of me and my behavior#i SH last night and i don’t even remember the last time i did that tbh#my 25th birthday started terribly at exactly 12am#so#i always say a bad birthday means a good year#yeah we will see about that one#i just wanna give up…#but i won’t don’t worry.#me#prsnl#happy birthday#addiction#ugh
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i was on my way to killing my fourth tissue box last night when blood started coming out along with the snot, so that’s how im doing
#tw blood#i honestly can’t tell if im getting better or not. the symptoms keep shifting around#i don’t have a sore throat anymore but i also didn’t have a stuffy nose at first#and im hacking up globs of grossness when my cough really gets going#but isnt it supposed to be a good sign that im expelling this crap one way or another? god i just don’t know#i haven’t been sick in years#before this anyway#don’t be like me GET your freaking flu shot#im on top of all my covid shots and i think i also got a pneumonia shot this year (last year?) but not the flu#so here i am now
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I need to curb this Dramione obsession until I finish my Sebastian oneshot 😅 it’s practically written out, but I’ve read over a million words worth of Dramione instead of writing for the last 2 weeks
#like the WIPs are WIPing#and now I wanna write Dramione 😩#but I have so many HL ideas typed up too#I also have a monster of a fic in the works that I haven’t worked on in a month#but that’s a slow process I refuse to rush#it probably won’t be out for another year or so#but I have loads of one shots and ficlets for the meantime#ugh conclusion is my brain needs to stop
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