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springgirlshowers · 13 hours

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Let Me Show You

Summary: You haven’t been feeling very pretty lately, Joost decides to prove you wrong, and he won’t let you finish until you admit that you are.

CW: negative self talk/self image, tiny bit of crying, body worship, teasing, praise, so much foreplay, fingering, cunnilingus, edging, orgasm denial, overstimulation, i use google translate for dutch (im sorry 😭)

WC: 2820

A/N: i wassss gonna wait to post this, but i couldn’t help myself it feels wrong to keep the world waiting </33 challenge: take a shot every time the word “kiss” is said in this fic

You hadn’t been feeling well at all today.

Not in the sick with the flu sort of well, more of just not feeling well with yourself. Not feeling content with yourself.

It started in the morning, when you stared at yourself in the bathroom mirror. Joost was already gone, needing to stop by Teuns to clean up a few songs.

You leaned forwards in the mirror, analyzing your face. Feeling disappointed at it, for some reason, it felt like every single tiny little flaw was extremely noticeable. Every blemish, every bump, every pore, it all felt so much more noticeable.

You pushed at the apple of your cheeks, then leaning away from the mirror to look at your body.

You turned to the side, looking at your stomach and squeezing the flesh. Dropping your arms weakly as you continued to stare at yourself.

You felt ugly. You hated it. You wanted to crawl out of your own body.

Since that was impossible, you threw on a matching pair of gray sweats. Then curling yourself into a ball under the sheets. Hiding away from the world.

About three hours later, you heard the door unlock and the sound of shoes being kicked off. Joost called out your name, stopping once he saw the sight of your back and head on the bed, the rest of you covered up by the duvet.

He knew you were awake, it was only a few minutes after 3PM.

He walked over to your side of the bed, sitting on the edge and smiling at you as he stroked your hair. He could already tell from the look on your face that you were upset.

“Hey, what’s going on?” He spoke softly, eyebrows knit together in concern.

“Nothing, I’m just a bit tired.” You shrugged, Joost let out a breath through his nose, seeing straight through your lie.

Joost was your lover, of course he knew the difference between a tired expression versus a gloomy expression on your face.

“I know it’s not that, schat. Something’s bothering you.” Your eyes darted away for a second, you were trying to decide if you should keep up this act of just being “tired” or be honest.

“It’s really nothing, Joost.”

“You keeping whatever it is bottled up is only gonna make it worse, liefje. Trust me, I would know.” Joost tutted, rubbing your thigh.

He was right, you would know as well. You’ve told him the same thing before when he’d be upset about something.

"I just..." You sighed as you sat up, already feeling embarrassed about your upcoming confession. "I haven't been feeling very pretty lately." Joosts face turned into an immediate frown.

"How? What's not pretty about you?" He sounded almost insulted, insulted by the fact you would think so negatively about you.

"My face looks wrong. My body looks wrong. I’ve got a tummy on me. I don't know. I don’t know how to explain it exactly, I just don't feel attractive." You sighed, dragging your hands down your face.

“We all have a tummy. I’ve got a tummy.” He poked his stomach, smiling looking at it and then back up at you.

You shook your head as an amused smile spread on your face, you pulled the duvet off the rest of your body due to the heat becoming uncomfortable.

“You know what I mean, Joost.” You silently groaned and put your face into your hands.

“I do. But I don’t care.” Joosts voice was smooth as he removed your hands from your face, your eyes were already watering, he let out a sympathetic hum.

“You might not think it. But you’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.”

You knew Joost was telling the truth. Anytime he would look at you, he felt like he was looking at an a real life angel sent by God himself.

You were just too far deep in the rabbit hole of your negative self talk.

Tears began to slip from your eyes and you turned your head away, Joost still had his hands cupped lightly around your face.

“I’m sorry. You know I don’t look pretty when I cry.” You sniffled, wiping away tears with the back of your hand. “My face gets all pink and blotchy.”

Joost gently turned your face back to him, taking in all your beautiful features.

“I love your face. Even if it’s all pink and blotchy.” His words got a small laugh out of you, he grinned .

“You really think so?” You asked, voice still shaky.

“I know so.” He wiped away another tear from your cheek with his thumb. This was cliché, but you loved it. You loved him.

“I can prove it to you, if you want?” Joost raised his brows, you knew exactly what he was suggesting. You nodded happily.

He quickly put his lips against yours, kissing so passionately. So sweetly.

“I wanna make a deal, ja?” Joost said in between kisses. You nodded.

“I’m gonna show you how beautiful you are.” He kisses the corner of your mouth. “I’m going to tell you, show you until you know it’s true.” He kisses the other side. “And then…you’re gonna tell me how pretty you are, then I’ll make you cum. Ja?”

“Joost..” You mumbled out, flustered already.

“You okay with that deal?” He kissed your lips gently, brushing some hair out your face.

“Okay. Okay. We have a deal.” You giggled, eyes closing.

“Good.” He smiled, the type of smile that made you feel like you could melt straight into the sheets. He kissed you one more time before moving his lips along your jaw.

He moved his hand, rubbing his thumb softly over your bottom lip.

“You know how much I love your lips.” He ran his mouth along your jaw, before moving to hover his face over yours.

“And your nose. This cute little nose.” He gave you a peck just on the tip of your nose, tapping it after and making a little boop! noise.

His antics got a small sniffle and laugh out of you. God, he was so silly. So unserious in such an intimate moment like this. You loved it. It made your nervousness fade away.

He moved to kiss both your eyelids next, so silly.

“Your eyes, I could stare into them all day if you didn’t think it was so creepy.” He chuckled. “Zo mooi. Ik zie je gezicht in mijn dromen.” He whispered, quickly moving his mouth to your neck. Your breath hitched as he placed sloppy kisses all over it.

His mouth ran over that sweet spot that made you let out a soft whimper, you could feel his smirk against your skin.

“Mijn mooie meisje.” His breath against your neck tickled, making you inch away from it.

His hands began to slide underneath your baggy sweatshirt, sliding up and down before going up one last time and bringing your sweatshirt with him.

He soon did the same with your sweatpants as he moved his lips along your collarbones, you lifted your lips to help remove them. He tossed them on the floor, along with your top.

He pulled away from your skin to look at you in complete awe. You were a bit embarrassed due to your extremely plain underwear, you didn’t bother to put on a bra this morning. If you knew you’d be getting intimate today, you would’ve worn something nicer.

Yet Joost didn’t care, his face didn’t care at all. Still staring at you like you were a dream come true. You were.

“Can’t believe you’d want to hide such a gorgeous body like this.” He grazed his fingers down your arm, grabbing your hand and lifting it up to your mouth, kissing your knuckles.

Your hands came up unconsciously to conceal your chest. Joost didn’t let this happen. He intertwined his hands with each of yours, holding them against the mattress.

“Aw, no hiding. I wanna see these pretty tits of yours.” You bit your lip and turned your head away, surprised at his explicit words.

He quickly brought his lips to your chest, kissing all over it. Between the valley of your breasts, above and below them. Finally placing his mouth on one of them.

A sharp gasp let out of you, Joost chuckled against you. Sucking and nipping at your breast, leaving red and purpling hickies.

He took your nipple into his mouth, making you squirm and arch your back slightly, he moved one hand to your other breast. Squeezing and playing with it for a little before switching his mouths attention to that one.

He didn’t need words to tell you how much he loved your tits. The messy kisses from his mouth were enough.

He ignored the way his dick was hardening in his pants at the sounds of your whimpers and breaths of pleasure. This evening, he was focusing on you, and you only.

He trailed his lips down, stopping at your stomach. He dragged his hands down, sliding them to the sides of your waist and squeezing, making you shiver.

“You know how much I love your tummy. I can’t count the amount of times I’ve fallen asleep when I lay my head on it.” He pressed a kiss just below your bellybutton. “Such a cute stomach, I don’t get how you could be so embarrassed of such a beautiful tummy like this.”

You weren’t sure how your stomach could be beautiful. But then you remembered all the times you thought the same about Joosts, going insane over the sight of it.

“All day all I do is want to hold you. I dream about it when I’m away. Did you know that?” He looked up at you, he looked like a goddamn dream.

You shook your head and he gave you a dramatic pout.

“No? I guess I should’ve told you sooner.” He moved his hands and squeezed your hips, another giggle escaped you.

He trailed small, slow, pecks above the waistband of your underwear. Soon hooking his fingers underneath and pulling them down your legs. Kissing your thighs as he did so.

He parted your legs with gentle hands, letting out a coo of adoration at the sight of you. You blushed and bit your finger, turning your head to the side.

He brought a tattooed hand back up to the side of your face, turning your gaze back to him as his thumb smoothed over your cheek.

He smiled at you with a face of pure infatuation. Not needing words to say how he felt about you once again.

He leaned down, eloping his lips around yours as you brought your head up from the pillow, pushing into the kiss.

A finger came up to your clit, gathering your wetness, you let a shaky breath into his mouth.

“It’s okay.” He smiled. Making a beeline of kisses all the way down until his mouth stopped right above your clit.

He held onto your thighs, bringing them up and squeezing the plush of them in his hands, bending your legs.

“Oh, so soft. I’d live in between your legs if you let me.”

“Naughty boy.” You giggled.

“Just being truthful.” He shrugged, he watched in adoration as he rubbed his middle finger in between your folds, his finger already covered in your slick. “Prettiest thing I’ve ever seen.”

He carefully inserted his finger inside you, staring at your face with a smile, watching how your mouth parted, eyes fluttering.

He came back up as his finger slowly pushed in and out, watching your face up close as he inserted a second finger.

“You ready to tell me what you are? Hm?” You tried your best to look at him as you let out a whiny moan. Which was your way of saying “Not really.”

“No? Then I should stop here, ja?” His fingers slowly began to pull out.

“Nononono. Pleasepleaseplease.” You breathed out, grabbing his hand to keep it from fully pulling away. He let out a defeated sigh.

“You’re lucky you’re so stunning. I’ll let you get away with it for now.” He kissed your cheek.

You let go of his wrist as his fingers began to pick up their pace once again, your eyes fluttering shut and mouth parting will small gasps.

He moved his mouth back to your chest, sucking at your tits, leaving little lovebites, you knew you’d be covered in red and purple marks by tomorrow.

He continued that same pattern of kissing trailing down until he reached your cunt.

“Cmon liefje, I need you to tell me how beautiful you are.” He rubbed his head against your thigh.

You shook your head as you bit down on your lip, eyes squeezing shut, you were already close to an orgasm.

“Hm, if you’re not gonna tell me, then I guess we’ll stop here.” He shrugged, puffing out his bottom lip as he removed his fingers from you.

“No!” You whined out at the sudden emptiness, cunt clenching around nothing. “Joost, you’re being mean.” You whined, hips squirming.

“Mm, I’m being fair. You tell me you’re pretty and I will let you cum.” He flicked a finger quickly against your clit, he grinned at the way your body jerked.

“Just admit what we both know is true.” He said in a sing-song voice. You rolled your eyes, frustrated.

“If you just tell me then I’ll give you want you want, liefje.” He teased again.

“Fine. I’m pretty.” You mumbled, you saw the way Joosts face perked up.

“Speak up schatje, I cannot hear you.” He could hear you, but he wanted to hear you loud and clear.

“I’m pretty.” You said, much louder this time.

“How pretty?” He cocked his head in a mocking manner, resting it against the plush of your thigh as his fingers slowly increased their speed.

Was he really doing this? Bastard.

“Really pretty. Fuck- I’m really pretty.” You said through shaky breaths.

“Ja, keep going.” He encouraged, licking a stripe up your cunt as his fingers pumped into you, and you whined again, he loved how flustered you looked.

He was eating you out like a man starved, his tongue deep and swirling circles around your clit, you weren’t even sure you’d be able to speak any coherent words.

“I’m pretty. God, fuck- I’m really pretty, Joost.” Your back began to arch off the bed, your hand reaching down to grip his hair as he hummed against your core.

“I’m so pretty, Joost. So so pretty, please. I’m beautiful, god. Fuck. Please, I’m pretty.” You begged, repeating it like it was a mantra. This was exactly Joosts goal.

“Dat klopt.” He pulled away from you to praise, his breath fanning against your cunt before he attached his lips back to it, beginning to suck on your clit.

Joost held onto your hips to still them. Your legs began to shake and the moans leaving you were borderline pornographic, loud and dramatic. But they were real, not forced.

“Joost, please, Joost. I’m pretty. Please can I cum? Please?” You begged, tears forming in your eyes. All the teasing before this made you so sensitive.

“Go ahead.” The vibration of his voice added to the pleasure, his fingers curled inside you, hitting that sweet spot.

Finally, finally you were cumming. The waves of your orgasm crashing over you, the intensity making the tears in your eyes fall and trail down the sides of your face. Joost continued as you rode through the aftershock, squealing and crying out as your grip on his hair tightened. He moaned against your dripping core.

He finally pulled away once your moans became raspy and you were squirming around. His chin covered in your wetness while he had the most prideful cheesy grin on his face.

“Mijn prachtige meisje. You did so good. So good for me.” He whispered against your skin, pressing small kisses all around your pussy and onto your thighs. Your body twitched with each peck, already overstimulated from all the teasing he did.

He crawled back up to hover over you, wiping the tears that fell with a gentle hand. A saccharine smile on his face to match the saccharine kiss he gave you next. You were still so shaky and out of breath, eyes droopy as you looked at him.

“Feel any better?” He ran his fingers through your hair, scratching at your head, you leaned into his touch.

“Yeah…actually. Yeah.” You gave him a puzzled smile, not expecting this to actually work.

“See. I knew you’d try for me.” He smooched your forehead.

“I’m really sweaty, I need a bath.” You laughed, still breathless.

“I’ll run you one.” He sighed playfully, knowing that your words were a request.

“Will you carry me?” He let out another chuckle, shaking his head in amusement before scooping you up bridal style.

“I can never say no to you.”

#joost klein x reader #joost klein fanfic #joost x reader #joost klein x fem!reader #joost klein fic #joost klein x you #joost klein smut #joost klein imagine #joost klein fluff

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bababerries · 3 days

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Daniil Dankovsky’s internalized bigotry is really fascinating to me because he’s clearly someone with left leaning values who wants change and actively questions things. And he’s clearly a victim of oppression himself. But he’s also a famous white guy (potentially wealthy tho I feel like that aspect is debatable/up to interpretation with how money is in his storyline) with a lot of unchecked privilege over others he doesn’t fully recognize and I like how this is shown gameplay mechanic wise with how Clara and Artemy have struggles with the reputation mechanic but you never have an issue with that as Daniil unless you’re actively trying to lol.

It’s some nice discussion on moral purism because I feel like a lot of left leaning people don’t wanna dissect how a lot of us have internalized bigotry in some way shape or form and get defensive about confronting it. It’s easier to admit to the internalized bigotry however if it’s a minority you’re part of. Like it’s seen as more “inherently noble” it’s seen as more palatable and heroic to carry that burden on your shoulder where it gives the illusion that the only person you’re hurting is yourself. (I think I kinda see Artemy fitting this to an extent in a meta way (?) because he’s an internalized racist and his narrative feels like a commentary on like an avarage hero journy where he’s the underdog who struggles but overall comes on top and achieves a “happy ending” for everyone and oh he’s so noble for shouldering all these burdens on his own despite his suffering and even he believes this as he refers to himself as a hero but in reality his internalized self loathing and conservative brainwashing and pressure to live up to his dad has made him neglect his own interiority and his plethora of issues) and how I personally interpret Daniil I think he kinda sheds light on how people definitely have internalized bigotry for groups they don’t belong to because internalization is more complex then internalizing the ugly comments and actions people direct towards you for your identity but the seeds the world plants in us to hate those different from us. And how victim blaming is taught to us. I think a lot of people get defensive about confronting this part of themselves but it’s a very real thing. Sometimes good intentioned people do and say fucked up things

And I see this in Daniil’s story. I think it’s very fitting actually. He values freedom and freewill, he thinks scapegoating is horrible. And he has a lot of admirable values and wants to fight against a government that oppresses him. Him saving Clara on day 6 is one of my favourite character moments and it’s consistent how as an npc he always plays a part in helping you restore your protagonist damaged reputation. But as much as he wants to fly free he’s so imprisoned and oppressed and ends up mimicking the behaviours that he despises from those above

His language is often filled with racist and insensitive microaggressions like calling the kin savages and isidor having a “uncivilized air to him” I think here Daniil is mainly criticizing the kins violence which I don’t think he’s wrong to have an issue with and he has this issue with the town to talking about them in a similar way. But this language is targeted and offensive and uses racist terms conscious or not. I think it’s what makes some things with his dynamic with Artemy interesting to. They put a time limit on their friendship because the both of them understand they’re different and have different viewpoints on this dilemma but in the Haruspex route they do develop a genuine friendship so there’s definitely a tragic element to the fact that they just refuse to try to understand or ever consider what the other is saying or try to reach a conclusion together. I would argue to some extent all the healers acknowledge in some way they are simular and empathize with one another weather they want to acknowledge that or not. But they’re all too stubborn and prideful to ever try to propperly get a long and work together. And while Daniil likes and appreciates artemy he does not respect him. He says he does and perhaps Daniil thinks so himself but I don’t believe that. He is actively very dismissive and condescending towards Artemy. And it’s very insensitive how he talks down the kin to Artemy’s face. Only ever indulging him in his background when it benifits his plan to save the polyhedron. (I wanted to talk a bit on how he views twyrine and the panacea but my memory is a bit blurry on some of the specifics regarding his shifting feelings)

His classism is also interesting as he’s also a victim of it or it’s generally just heavily affected his life of having to work so hard and rise ranks to be someone important in order to actually make a positive change in the world. And even with his status he’s still picked on by the government and how the powers that he can so easily crush and shut down his lab, research and passion just because they feel like it. And it’s easy to interpret him going broke by just trying to keep Thanatica afloat. Daniil is egotistical but he also thinks highly of himself because he feels like he needs to be a responsible reliable person because that’s his job.

I remember thinking to myself “Daniil would be the kind of person who’s say what do you know you don’t have a degree in this” which he actually said in Marbles nest and yeah he would say that. Because he’d take it as a personal attack at how hard he worked to get where he is and an attack to his ego. He’d be offended on the behalf of himself. But in reality this is a really bad statement to make a lot of the time because education and knowledge shouldn’t be capitalized and gatekeeped. It’s insensitive to those who’ve gained knowledges through lived experience and unfair to those who don’t have the same luxuries as other people do and is just a very narrow minded view of intelligence. I think it can also beg the question that yeah I think Daniil is justified in a lot of the frustration he feels in the game at the town. He gets manipulated and abused a lot. But also a lot of people in the town didn’t have the same luxuries Daniil did. He has a lot of privilege and knowledge a lot of common folk in the town do not and kinda have to live in these circumstances. And it’s frankly also all they know. (Again I think Artemy’s ending kinda discusses this with the kids growing up to mindlessly fill their parents footsteps without questioning everything and reverting back to status quo)

I don’t think Daniil is stupid but he’s very flawed and also often will see things in black and white and get tunnel visioned because he wears his heart on his sleeve. He struggles with being empathetic/sympathetic and can be dismissive. He feels like he himself is misunderstood so he has difficulty giving people that same luxury because he himself feels denied of it but it ends up with him being self absorbed in such a way where he ends up hurting more people then doing good despite desperatly wanting to do the latter. I think the message of his ending captures this perfectly

(I do kinda wish his misogyny was written a little better especially since his route has themes of him having issues with the towns violent misogyny and Maria and Eva respectively being easily read as commentaries of misogynistic archetypes but there’s barely any lines of him saying misogynistic stuff in game all of them are basically a rude conversation ender and also just feel lazily written. I also don’t think he says anything as an npc irrc. It comes off more like old video game misogyny that feels “oh this character is an asshole and a man so we have to also make him misogynistic sometimes” then an intentional character flaw which really sucks since I do think you can write something interesting with it. Esp since I think Artemy’s misogyny is really interesting with how it plays into his ending and how racism and misogyny have a lot in common so it’s easy to conflate the herb brides treatment with his own)

#this isn’t supposed to be a pathologic blog I made this to yap about all my interests #but Classic HD has been spinning in my brain since I finished it #and while i definitely don’t understand everything about the game it’s just so fun to think and talk about #and Clara and Daniil are such mecore characters #I’m also so insane about the Saburovs I need to totally talk about them #pathologic #daniil dankovsky #this post is incredbily rambly sorry about that lol

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velvetvexations · 3 days

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I feel like a lot of the trans women saying that masculinity/manhood is always rewarded in everyone because patriarchy often forget that the opposite is true, actually, for people who are seen as women/put in the "woman" category.

Because yes, trans women are usually forced into manhood and "rewarded" for being men, and punished for being women. But that's not because manhood is universally rewarded in everyone, but because partriarchy sees having been born with a penis as "man".

It also sees being born with a vagina as "woman", and every deviation from that is *also* punished.

Yes, people who are seen as women/girls may have more freedom in expression of gender (depending on where they are from. I hate when ppl act like people afab everywhere can just dress like men without punishment. There are so many countries with laws on what "women" (and those treated as women because of their agab) can wear, and if anyone believes for one second that breaking these laws is REWARDED in any way, they're so fucking deep in their own head and need to talk to someone from these countries) but that freedom was fought for by feminists! Feminists have fought to be simply just allowed to wear pants. It's ridiculous to look at how it is now (in the western world) and make conclusions on that without looking at *why* it is that way now and how it was before.

And people are usually expected to grow out of their tomboy-"phase" by the time they reach their late teens, or early twenties at latest, and become a feminine woman, wife, and mother. If you don't do that, your masculinity gets punished.

And the masculinity of people afab is also only (begrudgingly) accepted (in SOME places in the world) as long as they're still visible as women or girls and their masculinity is hot and serves cishet men. As soon as they step "too far" out of these roles (by being non-binary or men, or being "ugly", fat, or anything that would make them "undesirable"), their masculinity gets punished. Horribly.

It's really infuriating when (trans)radfem trans women try to act like their experiences are universal and whenever someone says something that disagrees with them, they must be lying or "delusional" (yay, ableism! so progressive /s) for thinking that they were, in fact, punished for their masculinity or manhood...

Sorry for unloading this on you, didn't know where else to put it. And thank you so much for listening.

I think a major issue here is that no matter how much we try to reason things out and work through why they act the way they do, radical feminism, trans or cis, ultimately comes down, at some point, to a deliberate decision to prioritize egocentrism and their own desires over seeing other people as real, actual people - not even other transfems, who they just sexualize and try to control, or call a TERF if they can't. And it's hard to reason with that.

Like, they have to know on some level that they hyperinflate trans women in particular being "socially murdered"* to use as social capital and terrorize younger** transfems into isolating themselves. Maybe a very long time ago for some of them it came from the distress they felt from the legitimately immense danger transfems face in a variety of contexts, but they've shot far beyond that now and just don't really care. They've built a cage of unreality around themselves that makes me feel like I'm talking to aliens.

Like the other day, I was talking to one who insisted that the tee-em-ees will not show up for me. Like, I said they did, and she said they won't, and I was like, but they DO! They have! Always! I've seen it with my own eyes, directly for me specifically! But it was just "who hurt you," "let yourself be angry," "don't settle for just scraps," "they won't treat you better if you throw yourself at their feet," "social murder," and it's like WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? ARE YOU HAVING A STROKE? WAS THIS A DREAM YOU HAD?

And what about the deliberately cruel fuckery, the constant derision of the most petty things like forcemasc? What the fuck do they get out of wrongly asserting that women are never punished for masculinity and never have a problem with being viewed as masculine, like why are they doing that, what is their goal? Because it seems like it's literally just "mock and invalidate the sexual interests of others and deem it an inferior copy of our thing."

What do they get out of misgendering cis and trans men for forcefem funsies and telling them to suck it up? They don't really believe that their forcefem joke is the only thing that might make an egg crack. That's extremely obviously a lie. They're doing it because they want to, because it's their kink, because they don't care about the feelings of other people, and they can use transmisogyny as a convenient defense when people ask them to moderate literally any of their behavior for the comfort of everyone else to literally any extent while demanding everyone else shut up and defer to them on every single topic in every single situation.

And this stuff with D20 and Ophiuchus and the transmasc character being treated better? A lie. Just fully making it up. Inventing it. Fabricating it. For attention.

I've never had one acknowledge it when I've tried to explain that I first learned about all of this from transmasc friends bringing it to me so they could defer to my opinion.

They're determined to stay like this. It sucks.

*truly a phrase that makes me livid to even think about now, they reduce it to about the same level of seriousness as forcefem jokes, every single time it's so thoughtlessly hollow and self-obsessed but you could guess that from it being a fair description of every thought they externalize

**let me make this clear, I'm referring to young adults, I am not accusing anyone of being predatory towards minors nor am I saying the motivations are necessarily sexual anyway, although clearly transradfems don't care about the effect their hyperbole will have on the mental health of minors exposed to it and trained from a young age to never trust anyone, so underage transfems are very much a concern here, but not in the sense that they're being directly and personally abused in any way

#so angry for so many reasons #transandro phobia #trans radical feminism #discourse

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cillyscribbles · 16 hours

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my modern!cats au giving me, an avid non-smoker, thoughts about smoking and self image, of all things. i will put them under the cut, but meanwhile! enjoy this 1. shameless illustration of my own fic 2. tugger not quite loving the makeup (or costuming) of his poet-murderer role. (yes a local staging of roberto zucco changed my life, very nice of you to ask!)

so smoking bad etc etc don't smoke. anyway, all three brothers deuteronomy smoke, or at least have smoked for large chunks of their lives, albeit for wildly different reasons and standpoints.

munkustrap's been smoking since middle school, his start more or less aligning with the time period when old deuteronomy falls sick, grizabella ramps up her work, and munkustrap, at the ripe old age of maybe 14, starts managing the household and finances and whatnot.

he wishes he'd never started smoking, don't get me wrong. he wishes the relief of the thing wasn't worth it. he quits and starts again throughout the years, over and over and over, climbing into the third decade of the habit without being able to break it, never moving past the numbed feeling of failure for it. it's the one crack you'll occasionally catch in that aged picture of constant steadfastness and responsibility he's got going on.

to be unable to handle it all feels to him as good as giving up entirely. he smokes behind the school. he puts away the ashtrays when he has guests over. he doesn't like smoking with company, and he hates his shame being made known. if you'll allow me a pretentious second, it's sort of like an upward climb that he wants to take on alone so nobody else sees him stumble, and no one helps him if he twists an ankle. it's fine by him because he needs to be able to handle it himself. he needs to.

so. all this, versus tugger, who started well into adulthood and barrelled into it full and consciously. tugger, who smokes to replace sleep and sanity when his life runs on cigarettes and caffeine. but nothing more. he doesn't care to quit, he doesn't care to change. cigarettes look good between his fingers. he knows how to hold them pretty, like he knows everything else about himself that builds the picture he wants.

and, on a more interpersonal level, it upsets him that munkustrap is so acutely ashamed of it, the same way munkustrap is upset tugger is so casual about it. to some degree, though, i think that's because tugger's entirely hyperaware of how fragile life is and on how small a technicality shit can go sideways and end up killing him or anyone else. it's hard for him not to think about it. but it gives him some sort of strength to look for morbid humour in the things munkustrap wouldn't let himself laugh at, i think. it's gallows humour, to be fair, but it's good humour to tugger nonetheless. he finds stakes if not thrilling then certainly intriguing.

besides, making any sort of change to himself for other people, to tugger, is like betraying himself. he's built up that resistance to outside influence, and he's built it up hard and total. he doesn't mold, he doesn't bend, he'll do and look and say whatever he wants, he associates seeking validation strictly with misery. he doesn't understand munkustrap's frustration, or desire to please people, nor does he want to.

the thing with how tugger is, i think, is that he's just prodded at enough for both the street culture he grew up in and the inclination towards self-preservation of someone visibly queer to mesh together into something that can be spectacular and unmovable, and sometimes still turn ugly. i think curiosity is easy to push into cruelty with tugger.

shame is easy to mock for someone who's overcome it and tries hard to forget how insidious it can be. i think both munkustrap and tugger can be cruel to each other without wanting to and without really transgressing toward each other in a way that would dent their relationship, primarily because it's such a strong relationship but also because they're used to some sort of cruelty from the world at least, they just know better where to hit each other verbally to mess each other up. so. self-control, boys. comes to one of them easier than the other, LOL. and again, don't get me wrong. tugger doesn't want to be cruel to munkustrap, but it's not always a thing he can push away the instinct for. munkustrap doesn't want to be cruel to tugger, but he's been making hard decisions for ages and all but expects someone to be hurt by the end of it, and tugger is manageable. so. damn

#i understand this is incomprehensible. i am editing this fic as fast as i can but its like 20k ��#none of these cats are normal #cats the musical #jellicle cats #munkustrap #the rum tum tugger #macavity #my art stuff

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sufferu · 2 days

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Do you think Emilia suffer/may suffer from " Creator's Pet " syndrome? It seems to me she does fit two of them: Hated and despised by some fans Loved (or worshipped) by the writer(tappei),is his favorite

I think that’s her main problem, tbh — and honestly, it’s the only real writing critique that I have about Re:Zero as a whole. It doesn’t matter to me what other fans think about her character in this regard: that’s always like. A bit of a coin flip, who exactly is gonna become the widespread favorite or whipping boy. What matters to me is that Tappei 1) leans on what he seems to consider her inherent likability, often without actually justifying it to the audience, and 2) is terrified of actually making her unlikeable.

That first point first: Tappei tends to Assume that the audience likes Emilia just as much as he does, and because of this I feel like he doesn’t tend to lay the groundwork necessary to actually make that the case.

This is pretty subjective, I don’t have a whole lot of really objective moments to point to here, so someone else might think I’m totally off the mark — but I feel like sometimes we’re expected to believe that Emilia is some amazingly capable and talented person while the moments where she’s actually allowed to back it up are few and far between. Most of them are also — honestly really simple? And very much tied up in her being a super powerful fighter, instead of in her being intelligent, or quick-witted, or even in her being particularly empathetic. That last one works a LITTLE bit, because that’s basically the whole reason Subaru fell so hard for her, but even then I think I can count on one hand the number of times Emilia’s boundless kindness has actually earned her a powerful character moment/victory in the main storyline (first loop of Arc 1 + the reveal that she always stopped to help Plum, Lap Pillow Scene, Emilia’s conversation with Madelyn…?? Maybe there’s something in her conversation with Ram in Arc 4???) and otherwise it’s only really Referenced rather than Shown. And when that’s one of your LEAD CHARACTERS, it’s just not enough.

The second point, though, is the one that I actually consider more important: Emilia isn’t given enough moments where she’s allowed to be genuinely unlikeable.

The whole reason why Subaru is such a beloved character is because he’s allowed to be a fuck-up sometimes. He is allowed to fall, and fall HARD, and get raked through the coals so bad for it that you can still taste the blood three arcs later. Fuck, he’s allowed to fuck up so bad that he becomes the Reason so many people straight up dropped the first season. And that makes him interesting, and multifaceted, and it makes his good moments mean so much more. This is what I consider the Secret to good character writing: if you want the audience to like that character, give them moments where they are genuinely, unapologetically ugly. This is why Bakugou is the best character in BNHA (fight me): Bakugou is allowed to be UGLY.

And the thing is: Tappei doesn’t normally HAVE this problem. Ram comes off like she’s being a fucking asshole for basically no reason, Otto is a conniving little shit, Julius introduced himself by beating the everloving snot out of the then-self-insert character, Felt abandoned Subaru to get beaten bloody in an alley in her very first scene, Anastasia, Priscilla, and Crusch all had a moment where they basically spat in Subaru’s face (even if Anastasia was trying to help it was very much a Tough Love moment), Wilhelm basically caused the Astrea Family Circus, Rem gets all of Arc 7 to throw her very carefully constructed Waifu persona completely out the window — fuck, Subaru is the MAIN CHARACTER and Arc 3 is basically just “Subaru Cringe Compilation.” So when Emilia is basically the only character who isn’t allowed to be ugly — it stands out, and not in a good way.

We have had Emilia as the secondary lead for basically eight arcs at this point (six if you don’t count the Vollachia Saga), and — look, I’m not an Emilia hater, but can you really say that she has anywhere near as much depth as Subaru does, or even as much as some of the secondary characters? She just doesn’t, or if she does then it’s not adequately explored, and it’s because she’s not allowed to be Nasty sometimes. In fact — there is exactly one moment I can think of where she’s genuinely, unambiguously allowed to be in the wrong: Arc 4, when she runs away from everyone to hide from her responsibilities currently threatening to crush her and has to be found and chewed out by Subaru. And it is one of her BEST moments. Arc 4 in general is considered Emilia’s greatest arc so far, and it is BECAUSE she was allowed to have a moment where she was WRONG.

But Tappei has basically never given us another moment like that because he wants the audience to like her, and at some point it just — look, at some point the hand of the author becomes obvious. When you have basically every character Emilia meets talk about how much they like her and have That define her kindness more than any actual Moments on her part, when you refuse to make even the most vicious of characters dislike or talk shit about her despite everyone else getting a chance to earn someone else’s ire in some form or another, when you spend two whole arcs away from her and then immediately open back in on how amazing she is without even giving us a reminder about Why she’s supposed to be so amazing (having another character describe her as amazing doesn’t count) — it becomes too obvious that Tappei just Really Wants the audience to like Emilia, and at some point That Alone becomes aggravating enough to make people biased against her just on principle.

Anyway those are my thoughts lol. This is legit the only real criticism I, personally, have of the story — but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t aggravate me a LITTLE bit. I don’t want to like Emilia, I want to LOVE her — I want to love her as much as Tappei does — but she has to earn it like everyone else, and Tappei seems a little to adverse to actually letting her Do That.

#emilia #meta #my inbox #me tag

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astro-inthestars · 3 days

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I fucking hate how the world came to this point.

I just. i HATE the fact that after MILLIONS OF YEARS this is where we end up!

All these *standards* and *norms* of how things "should be."

What defines what makes someone beautiful or desirable or just PASSABLE!! It drives me up the FUCKING WALL!!!

WHY DID WE DECIDE THAT ANY SINGLE ODDITY ON A PERSON IS UGLY OR UNATTRACTIVE!!!!!!!! WHY WHY WHY WHYYY THE FUCK DID WE DO THAT!

They did it so what??? so so what so there's a bar to be set?? so some people are above the others??? or some capitalist BULLSHIT to sell more beauty products???

Because GUESS FUCKING WHAT ASSHATS you're just!!!! HURTING PEOPLE YOURE JUST HURTING PEPLE YOU'RE HURTING A FELLOW FUCKING HUMAN BEING YOU SHARE THIS FUCKING EARTH YOU WALK ON AND AIR YOU BREATHE!!!! YOU'RE JUST HURTING THEM!!!!

FUCK!!!

I FUCKING HATE FATPHOBIA!!!!

The most AMAZING FUCKING PEOPLE I know are FAT and they're BEAUTIFUL AND I LOVE THEM!!!! BUT THE WORLD DOESN'T WANT ME TO! FUCK THEY DONT EVEN WANT THEM TO LIKE THEMSELVES NOT EVEN A LITTLE AND DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THAT HURTS???

MY BROTHER, MY BEST FUCKING FRIENDS, THE LOVE OF MY GODDAMN LIFE- I. I just

fucking hell man . fucking hell. watching my brother insist a diet that limits what he and my mom eats feels like my insides are being put through a meat shredder. my girlfriend my. oh my god fucking hell- the most gorgeous person i have ever fucking met thinks she's not beautiful because she's gaining weight. do you know how fucking painful that is to watch??? you just feel so hopeless as you stand and watch because because it's been planted in their brains that gaining weight would deem them unlovable to the rest of the world and it HURTS SO MUCH and i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i HATE IT

I just fucking wish all the hatred in this cruel fucking world just fucking vanish into thin air so people can be themselves and people could love themselves and be okay and happy and healthy and safe but it's not like that and I. fuck im just tired man. im just tired.

i guess i just wanted to scream to the abyss because i just feel so frustrated and helpless because i cant do SHIT i cant do shit im just im just some kid man! im just some kid who loves too much and it sucks because i cant fix everything. im just a kid that wants the people i love to be happy. is that too much to ask for..?????

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brunetterightsactivist · 1 year

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Telling myself to stop getting so antsy and excited and wait the full year that I’ve been back on the pill for it to fully take effect and regulate itself and then my body and appetite and brain are going to go back to normal lol

#I feel so ugly right now I’ve never felt so hideous in all my life honestly #the short hair is adding to it #my skin is clear now I’m just waiting for the old acne marks to go away so that’s nice #but part of me wants to switch over to spironolactone and stop the pill….#but the pill makes my periods so much better too like I get severe pain otherwise 😭#I just hate it I feel like it’s making me ugly #but also that can’t be true because in 2018 I was on it and that was my peak everyone was telling me I was beautiful #STRANGERS at the grocery store would tell me I was beautiful #GOD THOSE WERE THE DAYS #and still the boy I liked didn’t like me hmmmm sick and twisted let me tell you #I will say I do feel like my brain is going back to normal #I think there’s multiple contributing factors lol #I NEED TO CUT OUT CAFFEINE FULLY NUMBER ONE #sorry to post this chronically like who gives a shit lol

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cuddlytogas · 6 months

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So I accidentally almost got into an argument on Twitter, and now I'm thinking about bad historical costuming tropes. Specifically, Action Hero Leather Pants.

See, I was light-heartedly pointing out the inaccuracies of the costumes in Black Sails, and someone came out of the woodwork to defend the show. The misunderstanding was that they thought I was dismissing the show just for its costumes, which I wasn't - I was simply pointing out that it can't entirely care about material history (meaning specifically physical objects/culture) if it treats its clothes like that.

But this person was slightly offended on behalf of their show - especially, quote, "And from a fan of OFMD, no less!" Which got me thinking - it's true! I can abide a lot more historical costuming inaccuracy from Our Flag than I can Black Sails or Vikings. And I don't think it's just because one has my blorbos in it. But really, when it comes down to it...

What is the difference between this and this?

Here's the thing. Leather pants in period dramas isn't new. You've got your Vikings, Tudors, Outlander, Pirates of the Caribbean, Once Upon a Time, Will, The Musketeers, even Shakespeare in Love - they love to shove people in leather and call it a day. But where does this come from?

Obviously we have the modern connotations. Modern leather clothes developed in a few subcultures: cowboys drew on Native American clothing. (Allegedly. This is a little beyond my purview, I haven't seen any solid evidence, and it sounds like the kind of fact that people repeat a lot but is based on an assumption. I wouldn't know, though.) Leather was used in some WWI and II uniforms.

But the big boom came in the mid-C20th in motorcycle, punk/goth, and gay subcultures, all intertwined with each other and the above. Motorcyclists wear leather as practical protective gear, and it gets picked up by rock and punk artists as a symbol of counterculture, and transferred to movie designs. It gets wrapped up in gay and kink communities, with even more countercultural and taboo meanings. By the late C20th, leather has entered mainstream fashion, but it still carries those references to goths, punks, BDSM, and motorbike gangs, to James Dean, Marlon Brando, and Mick Jagger. This is whence we get our Spikes and Dave Listers in 1980s/90s media, bad boys and working-class punks.

And some of the above "historical" design choices clearly build on these meanings. William Shakespeare is dressed in a black leather doublet to evoke the swaggering bad boy artist heartthrob, probably down on his luck. So is Kit Marlowe.

But the associations get a little fuzzier after that. Hook, with his eyeliner and jewellery, sure. King Henry, yeah, I see it. It's hideously ahistorical, but sure. But what about Jamie and Will and Ragnar, in their browns and shabby, battle-ready chic? Well, here we get the other strain of Bad Period Drama Leather.

See, designers like to point to history, but it's just not true. Leather armour, especially in the western/European world, is very, very rare, and not just because it decays faster than metal. (Yes, even in ancient Greece/Rome, despite many articles claiming that as the start of the leather armour trend!) It simply wasn't used a lot, because it's frankly useless at defending the body compared to metal. Leather was used as a backing for some splint armour pieces, and for belts, sheathes, and buckles, but it simply wasn't worn like the costumes above. It's heavy, uncomfortable, and hard to repair - it's simply not practical for a garment when you have perfectly comfortable, insulating, and widely available linen, wool, and cotton!

As far as I can see, the real influence on leather in period dramas is fantasy. Fantasy media has proliferated the idea of leather armour as the lightweight choice for rangers, elves, and rogues, a natural, quiet, flexible material, less flashy or restrictive than metal. And it is cheaper for a costume department to make, and easier for an actor to wear on set. It's in Dungeons and Dragons and Lord of the Rings, King Arthur, Runescape, and World of Warcraft.

And I think this is how we get to characters like Ragnar and Vane. This idea of leather as practical gear and light armour, it's fantasy, but it has this lineage, behind which sits cowboy chaps and bomber/flight jackets. It's usually brown compared to the punk bad boy's black, less shiny, and more often piecemeal or decorated. In fact, there's a great distinction between the two Period Leather Modes within the same piece of media: Robin Hood (2006)! Compare the brooding, fascist-coded villain Guy of Gisborne with the shabby, bow-wielding, forest-dwelling Robin:

So, back to the original question: What's the difference between Charles Vane in Black Sails, and Edward Teach in Our Flag Means Death?

Simply put, it's intention. There is nothing intentional about Vane's leather in Black Sails. It's not the only leather in the show, and it only says what all shabby period leather says, relying on the same tropes as fantasy armour: he's a bad boy and a fighter in workaday leather, poor, flexible, and practical. None of these connotations are based in reality or history, and they've been done countless times before. It's boring design, neither historically accurate nor particularly creative, but much the same as all the other shabby chic fighters on our screens. He has a broad lineage in Lord of the Rings and Pirates of the Caribbean and such, but that's it.

In Our Flag, however, the lineage is much, much more intentional. Ed is a direct homage to Mad Max, the costuming in which is both practical (Max is an ex-cop and road warrior), and draws on punk and kink designs to evoke a counterculture gone mad to the point of social breakdown, exploiting the thrill of the taboo to frighten and titillate the audience.

In particular, Ed is styled after Max in the second movie, having lost his family, been badly injured, and watched the world turn into an apocalypse. He's a broken man, withdrawn, violent, and deliberately cutting himself off from others to avoid getting hurt again. The plot of Mad Max 2 is him learning to open up and help others, making himself vulnerable to more loss, but more human in the process.

This ties directly into the themes of Our Flag - it's a deliberate intertext. Ed's emotional journey is also one from isolation and pain to vulnerability, community, and love. Mad Max (intentionally and unintentionally) explores themes of masculinity, violence, and power, while Max has become simplified in the popular imagination as a stoic, badass action hero rather than the more complex character he is, struggling with loss and humanity. Similarly, Our Flag explores masculinity, both textually (Stede is trying to build a less abusive pirate culture) and metatextually (the show champions complex, banal, and tender masculinities, especially when we're used to only seeing pirates in either gritty action movies or childish comedies).

Our Flag also draws on the specific countercultures of motorcycles, rockers, and gay/BDSM culture in its design and themes. Naturally, in such a queer show, one can't help but make the connection between leather pirates and leather daddies, and the design certainly nods at this, with its vests and studs. I always think about this guy, with his flat cap so reminiscient of gay leather fashions.

More overtly, though, Blackbeard and his crew are styled as both violent gangsters and countercultural rockstars. They rove the seas like a bikie gang, free and violent, and are seen as icons, bad boys and celebrities. Other pirates revere Blackbeard and wish they could be on his crew, while civilians are awed by his reputation, desperate for juicy, gory details.

This isn't all of why I like the costuming in Our Flag Means Death (especially season 1). Stede's outfits are by no means accurate, but they're a lot more accurate than most pirate media, and they're bright and colourful, with accurate and delightful silks, lace, velvets, and brocades, and lovely, puffy skirts on his jackets. Many of the Revenge crew wear recognisable sailor's trousers, and practical but bright, varied gear that easily conveys personality and flair. There is a surprising dedication to little details, like changing Ed's trousers to fall-fronts for a historical feel, Izzy's puffy sleeves, the handmade fringe on Lucius's red jacket, or the increasing absurdity of navy uniform cuffs between Nigel and Chauncey.

A really big one is the fact that they don't shy away from historical footwear! In almost every example above, we see the period drama's obsession with putting men in skinny jeans and bucket-top boots, but not only does Stede wear his little red-heeled shoes with stockings, but most of his crew, and the ordinary people of Barbados, wear low boots or pumps, and even rough, masculine characters like Pete wear knee breeches and bright colours. It's inaccurate, but at least it's a new kind of inaccuracy, that builds much more on actual historical fashions, and eschews the shortcuts of other, grittier period dramas in favour of colour and personality.

But also. At least it fucking says something with its leather.

#everyone say 'thank you togas' for not including a long tangent about evil rimmer in red dwarf 5x05 #Our Flag Means Death #Togas does meta #and yes these principles DO fall apart slightly in s2 and i DON'T like those costumes as much #don't get me wrong they're fun and gorgeous - but generally a bit less deep and more inaccurate. so. :(#I'm not sure this really says anything new about Our Flag but I just needed to get my thoughts out #i hate hate hate Gritty Period Drama costumes they're so boring and so ugly and so wrong #god bless OFMD for using more than 3 muted colours and actually putting men in heels (and not as a shorthand for rich/foppish villainy) <3 #looking at that Tudors still is insane like they really will go to any lengths to not make men feel like they've got bare legs XD #image descriptions in alt text #and yes i DID just sink about two hours into those so you'd better appreciate them

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littlelightfish · 3 months

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Disliking Tallchuck is a MAJOR skill issue.

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wickmitz · 12 days

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I decided to start talking about Wick and Rocky's relationship because I like their dynamics too, I like seeing Wick scared of Rocky and Rocky being aggressive with him, which is unusual because Rocky is rarely aggressive with anyone, but of course Wick is an exception to rule

Also my mini opinion about their possible relationship, I think that if Rocky didn't have to fight for his place, then he and Wick could become friends, or at least tolerate each other a little, I also see some superficial similarities, their gentlemanly and romantic natures, and their common love for explosions (remembering the quarrymen chapter), but this is my assumption, I think that I don't understand the characters' personalities well, so I can be wrong in this assumption, something like that. So, what do you think about their relationship?

for starters, i cannot thank you enough for this ask! as i’ve said previously, i have many thoughts on these two, so it’s nice to finally be able to share some of them. although given the extent to which i think about them, i apologize in advance if this is sloppy and sort of everywhere … while i’ll try to structure things the best i can, i cannot promise i’ll succeed! but hopefully this is an enjoyable reply nonetheless.

one of my favorite things about rocky and wick’s relationship is absolutely how aggressive rocky is towards the aristocrat ; he is prone to glares and cruel jokes and borderline hissing whenever the man is within his line of sight, or can be brought to a wailing-fit over the mere mention of his name from miss m’s mouth. there is a childishness to it, but a very prominent threat as well in spite of rocky’s usual incompetence. so he goes out of his way to posture around wick, readily lying and adorning himself with the gangster drapes he so badly wants to wear, in the hopes that it intimidates … will even badmouth wick’s family and make fun of his name and rock related obsession to mitzi, and so on so forth! yet all of this is very reminiscent of schoolyard bullying rather than anything too severe, though we as the audience understand rather quickly that rocky would bash wick’s head in with a tire iron if he could. ( translation : if it wouldn’t earn the tears or hate of a certain beloved mitzi may ) and it’s all very intense despite the absence of actual violence! and i understand why many fans see this as unusual for rocky and believe that it’s only wick who makes him act so aggressively, but i’d argue it isn’t really wick at all that prompts such scary reactions from him … and that rocky is a deeply angry character who’s a.) been boiling quietly for a long, long time and b.) has turned wick into a punching bag of sorts for this inner world of resentment and hurt. basically, when he’s judging the well-to-do or poking fun, his eyes don’t look at wick and actually acknowledge him as sedgewick sable ; instead this is a being, something vague and metaphorical, who threatens to upseat rocky’s permanence in the lackadaisy and steal away his savior, and he’s had a hand in the violinist’s misfortune for a long time.

obviously, rocky doesn’t think wick robbed him of his family twice over and made him homeless, but he is channeling the fear and anguish of those events into his loathing for wick, if that makes sense? it’s easier that way -- to finally have an outlet for everything bleeding inside of you, to be able to bite and claw at something without feeling conflicted or having to take personal accountability for your own mistakes … which is something that i think rocky does struggle with to a degree. he is sort of a finger pointer! his pain has to be worth something, it has to be for someone else ; spending years homeless and losing his last bit of family was for freckle, and the scrambling of his literal brain was for mitzi, and that means he can’t ever be angry with them! well, except that he is, somewhat, but he buries it deep down instead of feeling it. with freckle there is a sense of strain between them -- an air of ‘you owe me’ from rocky to freckle as he uses freckle to appease miss m, and he constantly pokes fun at his cousin too. it’s lighter than his jabs at wick, but there’s a constant pestering, a reminder of how good freckle has it : how he’s got the mom and the house and the job and the girl most notably. i don’t think rocky is intending to come across as mean, and to his credit he hardly does! but it’s rather clear to me that some part of him, some hidden and deeply hurt part, is rather indignant about taking the fall for freckle all those years ago. which he can’t understand, because how could he? he made that choice, he decided to take accountability for something he didn’t do because he loves freckle and knows it’d be so easy to believe this family tragedy was roark’s fault ; the devilish child he was, all troublesome and too broken to properly fit anywhere. so there is a disconnect born here, where rocky can’t comprehend that he’d be angry at freckle, so instead these not so great feelings are placed elsewhere and silently boil over time. and with mitzi … i don’t think he’s angry at her per se, but there is a frustrated and desperate chorus of : why him and why not me, when i’m the one out here dying for you? which is certainly unpleasant. of course, rather than allowing those feelings to be more aimed at miss m, whom he feels unloved by, he ( again! ) represses these emotions and allows them to fester into his greatest fears and fantastical complexes. i think there is a lot of other miscellaneous anger he could have towards others too … perhaps some part of him is sore upon seeing ivy’s normal lifestyle, watching her go to university and knowing that’s been taken from him. or an ache felt when hearing stories from zib and the band and how they used to travel successfully, living as nomads, and rocky is all too reminded of his similar lifestyle and how he couldn’t make it work as effortlessly. people with immense trauma are more prone to irrational anger and jealousy, to viewing everything around them as unfair and believing it’s even more unjust that so many people get to live comfortably while they’ve suffered. a situation that gets more messy when you’re someone like rocky, a man who’s willingly made choices that have harmed himself and wants to continue on with his smiling, bumbling fool of an act. he does not want to be angry, does not want to see it within himself, i think, which leads to an accidental increase of it.

all of this is to reiterate that wick is a scapegoat for rocky and nothing more. it’s why he’s rather hypocritical whenever it concerns the man. for example, it was stated by tracy that he looks down upon wick for his excessive presence at the bar, yet he appears to enjoy hanging out with zib -- who drinks just as often! he makes fun of how all wick ever talks about is rocks, when he himself is prone to poetry rambles that people find irritating or boring, and etc etc. this is also just a human nature thing, to critique someone you heavily dislike and even going as far as to belittle things you love or do in your own day to day because you just hate them that bad! but given rocky’s willingness to befriend anyone, it more so reeks of a dehumanization element. wick is every obstacle in his way, every divine force that threatens to send him packing again, so he is equal parts unnerved by wick’s presence and angry about it. it is mostly a fear response we are seeing, an emotion that’s morphed into long held resentment and anger. so his actions are extremely defensive, with him trying to push wick far away and keep him and mitzi separate, like some sort of animal attempting to ward off a threat that’s come too close to their home. despite the loaded animosity there, this hate has hardly reached its peak … but it shall only grow more intense as things continue onward i’m afraid, since as it stands ( in the comic at least ) rocky is at an all time low … and is ten times more desperate. i’d honestly say wick has become so warped in his mind’s eye that he can only strive towards ‘winning’ over the other man, because that’s all he can see anymore. i think mitzi implying that wick willingly helped her out, the intense head injury, and rocky’s fragile emotional state is exactly what pushes him towards premeditated murder in look-see. i don’t know how people perceive that arc, but to me it’s very clear that rocky actively sought to see the deaths of wes and fish that night. going as far as to lament that he’d be, “very disappointed if ( he ) dreamed them,” and purposefully luring the marigold duo away to have freckle pick them off. while you could argue that this was a smart move, in a gangster sort of sense, there’s still no denying that rocky is oddly chipper about the whole thing and is now seeking death out ; whereas before his methods of vengeance were just, well, ruining people’s livelihood but ultimately leaving them alive. this isn’t to discredit the fact that rocky is going through something! he is in a very muddled and dark place, mentally and physically, but even tracy has said that the head injury hasn’t changed rocky’s personality -- it’s only brought things to the surface.

source : q&a with tracy .

which, yeah! makes sense! head trauma can cause a person to become a wreck emotionally ( think mood swings, irritability, etc ) but it doesn’t completely morph someone either. personality changes may occur, but it’s not like you’re being rewritten entirely, you know? and given tracy’s old statement, it’s clear that ‘personality changes’ aren’t a side effect he’s suffering from. something that adds to my beginning statement, which is that rocky is a deeply angry and troubled person, more so than fans give him any credit for.

however, to touch upon your mini opinion about these two, i actually wholeheartedly agree that rocky and wick could become friends if circumstances were different. they do in fact have many superficial similarities, but one of the more prominent things they deeply share is never really belonging in the groups they frequent. this is more overt with rocky’s character, yet wick faces it too in subtle ways. the well-to-do crowd, seen through the investors, find the gentleman to be lacking in about every place imaginable ; to them he is an obsessive freak who cares too deeply for meager rocks, something they constantly mock him for, while he’s also being noticeably set apart from the rest of them … he seems younger than the investors, more excitable, passionate, and a little less experienced, and doesn’t seem to care for money or reputation as much as them either. there is a constant rubbing between him and them, where what he enjoys is seen as wrong, such as his love for the lackadaisy and his choice in paramor, a grieving widow with extremely dangerous ties. we also know that wick doesn’t have many friends at all, with the only two he has being lacy and church ( church is listed as such on his character profile, in a sort of tongue-in-cheek way ), both of whom work for or with him. they are obliged to hang around, and while they care in varying ways, they are prone to judging him just as much. honestly, it’s not shocking that wick seeks refuge at his chosen speakeasy! but even there he is rather distant from everyone else. he doesn’t speak to zib ever in the comics, nor seems all too close with viktor, ivy, or horatio … it is merely mitzi he is close to, even if he knows of the other people who work there. and, once again, wick very obviously doesn’t fit in. he is not gangster material, could never be an atlas may replacement, much less someone who could get his paws dirty in such an active way. so he has his feet in two different worlds and doesn’t know how to fit into either of them, or which one he actually wants to fit into more. i think in many ways rocky could relate -- these are two very lonely people who wish to belong somewhere and be accepted by some group or another but go about it in all the wrong ways. wick, who is too hesitant to fully commit to what he wants and is worse off for it, and then rocky, who obsessively throws himself against what he wants until he breaks every bone in his body. they also have explosives to bond over, lol, and other miscellaneous things like their taste in women i suppose … but this potential bond adds to the tragedy of lackadaisy, where we see two people who on every level should get along but we’re burdened with the knowledge that it’s an impossibility anyway, because there’s no removing the circumstance of which they’re in.

though i like to believe that despite wick’s fear of rocky, he maintains a kindness towards him regardless. i think his worries about rocky are rather surface level … he doesn’t know the boy at all, really, and thus can’t make heads or tails of him, hence him believing the lie in balderdash. so when i’m feeling particularly self indulgent, i like imagining a world where they’re forced together and sort of ‘stuck’ together ; to which rocky finally breaks and exposes his wounds to wick, in every sense of the word, and wick finally gets him. the aggression, the possessiveness of mitzi … it is all fear and desperation and a profound sadness, things he’d sympathize with. if rocky was able to explain that he loathes wick because if he saves the lackadaisy then mitzi won’t need him anymore and that it’s not fair that wick gets to so easily fix things when rocky would give his soul for his home, for her, and how wick could render every sacrifice he’s already made for naught by smoothing things over with some greenbacks and he can’t lose this, he just can’t --! … which, well, wick is too kind of a man to be able to do anything except feel awful, even though it’s not his fault at all. here we have two people who could coexist! and they should, since rocky logically can’t do every speakeasy job ( band member, rumrunner, mitzi’s shadow, also the guy who gets the money for the hooch ) by himself, just like how wick can’t save the lackadaisy with only his cash and limited booze stash. it’d be a joint cooperation, a collaboration between them, both equally important in the grand scheme of crime’s every turning wheel … but rocky’s rage and fear won’t let him see that, and likely never will. still, in scenarios where everything ends up alright for the lackadaisy and the people involved in it ( which is not how canon will go, by the way ), i fancy wick and rocky getting better within their relationship. rocky will always be prickly and quick to upset around the other man sadly, but perhaps he could see wick in a softer kind of light. or at least understand vaguely enough that he isn’t out to get rocky, so to speak. and then maybe wick learns that pancakes soothe rocky’s ire and poorly makes them anytime he wishes to talk to the man, and other fun things like that! but you should have more confidence in your character analysis skills, because you were spot on ( at least in my eyes ) about them potentially getting along if things were different. it’s certainly a fun aspect to play around with, and is important to note when discussing their relationship so you can fully understand just how warped rocky’s perspective on things are. and how unstable and traumatized he is too, of course </3 sidenote, but i also hope that throughout everything i’ve said here, or anything i’ve said before on my blog, that my love for rocky and my own sympathy for him comes across well enough. while he’s deeply flawed and i have no qualms discussing said flaws in depth, i also don’t think of him as some insane freak who’s evil at his core or anything like that. honestly, i adore analyzing him so much as a character because of how far down his issues go! he’s very well written, i’ll say, as is wick and many of the other characters, but i digress.

once more, thank you for the ask! i’ll end this here because i fear if i don’t i’ll start going in circles, since their relationship is so vast and very important for rocky in a character sense. hopefully i shed some more light on it though! i love these two to bits and pieces and i wouldn’t be half as invested in lackadaisy if their dynamic wasn’t so monumental -- at least to me.