#I know I’ve not been active on tumblr recently it’s because of this man

[thefallennightmare]

Just Pretend-nineteen

*gif created by me. feel free to use, simply give credit*

Parings: Noah Sebastian x Musician! Reader

Warnings/Tropes: language, angst, fluff, smut, star-crossed lovers, right person/wrong time, cheating, talks of mental abuse.

Summary: “I can wait for years, heaven knows I’m not getting over you.” A story about two star-crossed lovers, that always find their way back because their souls are entwined. The universe desperately attempts to bring them together, no matter what the cost.

Authors Note: I realized today that Sarah and I have been working on this story for almost TWO MONTHS. Holy shit. Talk about a slow burn! I don't think it's ever taken me this long to write an active story. Also, there are a few sentences in Greek and Italian in this chapter. You can find the translations at the end of the chapter.

Collaborating With: @thescarlettvvitch(better give her all the love as well)

Tags: @thescarlettvvitch @ozwriterchick @waake-meee-up @notingridslurkaccount @niicoleleigh @sammyjoeee @xxrainstorm @dominuslunae @notmaddihealy @malice-ov-mercy @crimson-calligraphyx @iknownothingpeople @writethrough @thebadchic @blackveilomens Claudia on Tumblr @tobe-written @blacksoul-27 @loeytuan98 @loverofagoodbeard @comfortcharactercraze @lma1986 @plutonikchaos1 @spicywhenspeaking @lyschko666 @somewhere-diamond @hi-fancy-seeing-you-here @koskeepsake @bngurngheart @shilohrosechicken @emzandthevoid @casangel1986 @qualityvoidcollectorsblog @myownthoughts12 @jilliemiw86 @bellaboo967 @halloweenaesthetic

NOAH

My knee bounced in a tangent along with the clock on the wall behind Dr. Poulos as she tilted her head towards me, waiting for my answer. 

“I’m sorry, what was the question?” I blinked slowly. 

She gave me a small smile, tapping her pen on her notebook; something I’ve realized she did when she was ready to ask me a hard-hitting question. 

“How have the panic attacks been?” Dr. Poulos wondered. 

“Uh,” I rubbed my jaw. “It’s been better, I suppose. I still feel them starting every once in a while but my friends have been great at helping me through them.” 

“That’s great,” she smiled. “I’m glad to hear that. I know it was a problem for you from our first session.” 

“Yeah, I’ve come to realize there were a few aspects of my life that hindered me more than helped me.” 

Dr. Poulos’ brows raised. “Like what?” 

“Up until recently, I would drink; a lot. And smoke weed every so often. People say it’s the lesser of the drugs but it affected me in such a way that I didn’t like the man I saw in the mirror. Same with the alcohol. So, I’ve decided to become sober.” 

That spread a wider smile on her face. “I’m proud of you, Noah. It’s not an easy thing to overcome but to see how determined you are makes me very happy.” 

I ran my hands over my thighs while standing up straighter on the couch; her positive praise made my heart beat a bit faster. 

“I just want to be the healthiest I can be. Your body is a temple, ya know? It’s only been a few weeks but I can already tell a difference in the way I sing.” 

“That’s exceptional, Noah. I’m happy to hear that. It’ll help the course of your life. But I must ask, do you feel it’ll leave a part of you open and willing to accept the love you think you deserve?” 

I pursed my lips. “What do you mean?” 

“Well, as you mentioned previously, it sounds like Y/N has had some complicated relations with a man who was in a state of addiction. Do you feel that maybe, a part of your being sober can help you leave that part finally open? Allow you to see that you can be loved.” 

When I remained silent, letting her words rest in my mind, Dr. Poulos shut her notebook and set it on the table between us; next to one of those sand zen garden things. 

“What you're doing with Bailey and hiding your true feelings for Y/N doesn't seem to be helping, right?” 

I shook my head with a long sigh. “I never meant for things to go this far.” 

Dr. Poulos leaned forward to rest her elbows on her knees, stippling her fingers. 

“Has Y/N ever given you a reason to doubt the things you say to her?” 

“No. Never,” I answered without missing a beat. 

“Then what’s stopping you from telling her how you feel?” She brushed a strand of brown-graying hair from her eyes. 

With Dr. Poulos’ words replaying in my mind, I sat down on the steps of her office while clicking on Bailey’s contact name on my phone. As it rang, I tapped my fingers on my knee to drum a random beat. 

“Hey, it’s Bailey. Leave me a message!’

Cursing to myself, I wished that she had answered because I didn’t want to do this with her voicemail but I had no other option. This needed to be done. 

“Bailey, it’s me- Noah,” I sighed while pinching my eyes shut. “Listen, I didn’t want to do this over text or on your voicemail. But I thought it best you hear me say this. I wanted to discuss it with you the other day but shit came up.” 

My eyes watched as a few people walked past on the sidewalk in front of me. 

“Look, I never wanted to hurt you, you’re a nice girl but this-us-isn’t working for me. I’m-I’m sorry if this hurts you. Truly. I’m not good at words all the time but I will say that I wish you the best and I hope you have a nice life.” 

After hanging up, I could physically feel the weight lift off my shoulders and heart. Breathing was easier and lighter, so with this newfound feeling, I quickly dialed Y/N’s number. 

“Mochi!” 

I could hear the smile in her voice.

“Hi, angel. Are you busy?” I asked while rising from the steps to walk a few steps to my car that was parked in the street. 

“I’m walking into an appointment right now. Can I call you later?”

Ignoring the way my heart dropped, I started my car and sat there for a moment. 

“Of course. I’ll be in the studio but I’ll always answer for you.” My hand ran over the steering wheel. 

“So sweet,” Y/N chuckled and my stomach fluttered. “There’s a reason why I gave you that nickname.” 

We quickly said our goodbyes and my mind was filled with the heavy conversation I needed to have with Y/N. I didn’t even realize the familiar figure bounding up the steps of the same office I left mere minutes ago, her yellow sundress flowing in the wind.

READER

My eyes were trained on the small sand zen garden on Dr. Poulos’ table as she tapped her pen against the notebook in her lap. The clock ticked annoyingly loudly behind her, almost mocking me as I continued to leave her question unanswered. 

“Y/N,” Dr. Poulos’s voice was firm, breaking me from my trance. “You mentioned your mother contacted you the other day?” 

I played with the hem of my yellow sundress. “Uh, yeah. She doesn't do it often but when she does, she really lets her feelings known.” 

“And what are those feelings?” 

“The same bullshit. My mom doesn’t agree with the lifestyle I’ve chosen. She thinks it's a waste of time,” I shrugged as if it wasn’t a big deal. “It’s who she is. Being Greek, I was raised to have large but realistic dreams. My father on the other hand wanted and still wants me to follow my heart, he wants me to go after what I want, what I need. There’s a line between both of them.”

“You know,” Dr. Poulos tucked a strand of her brown-graying hair behind her ear. “There’s a study that says insecure attachment styles can develop as a result of poor parenting. Research indicates that attachment in childhood affects the development of familial, social, and romantic relationships later in life. Do you feel this has deeply affected or influenced your relationships? 

I pursed my lips. “What do you mean?” 

“I mean, you’ve had a pattern of falling for men who aren't good for you yet believing they are real love when you know subconsciously you deserve better.” 

“Maybe,” the word trailed off my lips, uncertainty weighing heavy on my heart. 

Dr. Poulos hummed, crossing one leg over the other. “It sounds that way, doesn’t it? Are you running from Noah because you’re afraid you’ll disappoint him? Afraid he’ll do what your mother often does? You’ve seen the way your parent's marriage was like growing up, that has to be a hindering factor, doesn't it? 

My jaw ticked. “My mother was unfair to my father. I’d never do that or treat anyone that way.” 

“I know you won’t, Y/N. You know it yourself, deep down in your heart,” she patted a hand over her own heart. “Because from what you told me about Noah, I don’t believe that he would act the way your mother has. You won’t disappoint him. And he doesn’t want to do that to you either.” 

I shook my head widely. “He’s with someone else so it doesn't even matter.” 

A small smile lifted at the corner of her lips. “Quite the contrary, Y/N. You said it earlier you wanted to tell him the truth. He isn’t your mother and again, from what you’ve told me it sounds like you both may want the same things. You’re just not trusting yourself. You’re relying on your trauma and issues with your mother to get in the way.” 

“Wow, nice observation,” I snorted. “How am I supposed to fix that?” 

Dr. Poulos ignored my snarky attitude. “If your mother has been unreliable, then you may need to lean on other people who are for support. Socializing with friends and learning to be vulnerable with others can help increase emotional connection.” 

“Malcolm and Chase are reliable,” I stated. 

“It sounds like it, from what you’ve told me,” she nodded. “There’s also Noah. His support can take some time to develop but having stable relationships with others can be part of healing. And most of all, self-care.” 

I left therapy with a hopeful heart and bright smile. Dr. Poulos always knew what I needed to hear as much as I tried to fight it. Peaking down at my phone, my pulse quickened when I noticed a missed text from Noah.

Mochi 🍡: New episode of Attack on Titan dropped. I can pick up lunch. Your place or mine?

Giggling, I typed out my response, not letting anything ruin this euphoric high I felt.

NOAH

I stood outside Y/N’s front door, shaking out the nerves, and knocked on it. I had a bag of take-out food in my hand, something she requested from her favorite burrito place. 

“Hi,” she smiled while letting me in. “Did you remember the Dr. Pepper?” 

I chuckled while holding up the cup. “Light ice.” 

As we set out the food on the table in their dining room, I motioned towards the various easels and splattered pain on the carpet. “Studio?” 

“Yeah,” Y/N gave a sheepish smile. The lighting in here is better than my bedroom; although not by much.” 

I took in the various paintings of abstract lines and colors, some of random landscapes, and one of Salem. 

“These are really good, angel.” 

“I’m glad I decided to do this. Painting has been a great way to escape from reality, even for a little bit,” she took a bite of her burrito. “Oh, extra guac? How’d you know?” 

I shrugged. “I just do.”

We ate in silence for the next few long moments and as much as I tried to quiet the loud voices in my mind that screamed at me to tell Y/N the truth right now, it was extremely difficult. 

My eyes took in the glimmer of her bracelet as she reached for the chips and I couldn't stop the smile that spread wide to my lips. Y/N was still wearing the jewelry I bought her and it made me feel proud. 

“Where’s Chase and Malcolm?” I asked, noticing the quiet.

Y/N took a large drink of her soda, reveling in the taste. “Hiking. They left earlier this morning and typically don’t come back till later. So I have the place to myself.”

Just as I was about to speak, a persistent knock sounded on the front door, and she turned towards it with a confused stare. 

“Expecting anyone?” 

She shook her head. “Nope. Probably someone selling Girl Scout cookies.” 

“If they have Thin Mints, I’ll take four boxes,” I called after Y/N. 

Her laugh echoed throughout the room but soon seized when she opened the door. I noticed the way her body went rigid and I slowly rose in time to see a tall but petite brunette all but push her way inside. 

“Hi, koukla. I would have texted or called but it seems like you have an issue with checking your phone,” the lady peered around the space, a sour look on her lips. 

“Mo-mom? What are you doing here?” 

Shit. 

I knew there was a history with Y/N’s mom but never knew how deep it ran. 

“I was in town and thought to surprise you. Since you never talk to me anymore,” her mom tsked. 

Finally, her eyes landed on me, standing in the threshold of the living room and dining room; gaze hardening. 

“Who’s this?” She asked Y/N. 

Internally I snorted at how she asked Y/N rather than asking me. 

“I’m Noah,” I introduced myself while brushing away the strands from my face. 

Her mom hummed before nodding towards the back end of the house. “Give me and my daughter some privacy.” 

“Mom!” Y/N seethed. 

Noticing how the tension shifted, I gave Y/N a soft smile. “It’s alright. I’ll go say hi to Salem.” 

With my back to them, I walked down the hall and heard her mom mutter something in Greek. 

“Giatí échei makriá malliá?” 

“Eísai apísteftos,” Y/N responded in a stern voice. 

Sitting in the Y/N’s bedroom with Salem perched on my lap, I left the door wide open so I could listen in on the conversation. It may have been wrong to eavesdrop but something deep inside of me told me to be on edge, just in case.

“You should have called, Mom,” Y/N said. 

“You never return my calls.” 

“Gee, I wonder why. You exactly haven’t been that peachy the last few times we’ve talked.” I could hear the slight edge in Y/N’s voice. 

“I thought I’d told you I don’t appreciate the way you speak to me.” 

“It’s a two-way street, Mom. You get what you give.” 

Salem purred loudly in my lap and I continued to scratch him in the spot I knew he loved; between his ears. 

“I’ve always hated when your father used that line,” her mother sighed. 

Someone was pacing, their footsteps echoing loudly down the hall, and I peered down at Salem. 

“Your mom seems pretty upset right now,” I frowned at the feline. 

His bright green eyes stared back at me, simply demanding one thing silently; more pets to which I obliged. 

“Have you been to the doctor lately?” 

“Since when do you care, Mom? You never ask how I’m doing.” 

Salem jumped off of me when I slowly rose to my feet, deciding that I needed to be closer to Y/N, just in case. 

“I know how bad Endometriosis affects you, Y/N. I’m simply wondering.” 

I could almost hear Y/N roll her eyes as I neared the end of the hallway, out of sight but could still see just enough. Y/N stood with her hands on her hips while her mom sat comfortably on the couch. 

“I’m fine.” Y/N kept her answers short. 

Her mother pursed her lips. “And how’s the career?” 

Now it was my turn to roll my eyes at the way she said career. 

Y/N snorted. “Please, like you give a shit.” 

“Watch your language!” 

“You’ve never supported me with my music. Hell, with any of my dreams. So don’t start acting like you give a shit now. 

Her mom rose to her feet, narrowing her gaze. “That’s not true. I only want what’s best for you, Y/N. You don’t want to end up like your father and be stuck.” 

“He wasn’t stuck,” Y/N scoffed while clenching her fists. 

Her mother clicked her tongue while brushing away Y/N’s hair from her face. “Yes, sweetie, he was. And I’m telling you, no man will want to deal with someone that’s always on the road. What man is going to wait around or understand this lifestyle? What future are you gonna have?”

My jaw clenched at hearing those words because I knew it wasn’t true. There was a man who wanted Y/N; me. I would wait for years if I had to. Whenever she was ready, I’d be here. 

But hearing how her mom talked to her made me realize that there was a reason why Y/N never spoke of her and why she was so apprehensive of any future relationship. 

“We’re not talking about this,” Y/N stepped away from her mom to stand on the other end of the couch, giving more space between them. 

“Once again, you’re avoiding a tough subject. I didn’t raise you this way,” her mother chastised. 

Y/N’s jaw dropped. “Raised me? Are you fucking kidding me? You barely were home, too busy focusing on your career leaving Dad home to raise me!” 

I smirked at hearing Y/N mock her mother in how she said career moments before. 

“Your father was always your favorite. But it was me you stayed with after the divorce!” Her mother's voice was raised. 

Fearing this would end in such a bad way, I pulled my phone to send a text to Chase. 

Me: Y/N’s mom is here and I’m afraid shit is about to hit the fan. What should I do?

His response came almost immediately. 

Chase: Fuck. Whatever you do, Noah. Don’t leave. Stay until we get there. Every time her mom either contacts her or shows up, Y/N goes into a dark place. Malcolm and I are leaving right now and should be back in an hour.

I swallowed thickly as my stomach dropped. If the guys were worried about Y/N’s mom being here, it could only mean one thing. 

Disaster. 

“I stayed with you because you made me feel guilty!” Y/N choked on a sob. “For years I wondered why I didn’t feel a connection with you so I thought staying with you would bring us closer. But instead, you dropped the you’re adopted bomb on me; on my birthday!”

Her mother had the audacity to shrug. 

“You probably would have found out eventually. I simply sped up the process.” 

Y/N shook her head. “You’re unbelievable.” 

“Because I tell the truth? You think people are going to stay with you with the lifestyle you’ve chosen?” 

“Oh, gods, we’re back on this again?” Y/N ran a hand through her hair. “I have a lot of people that support me.” 

 “Who? Your friend?” Her mom pointed a firm finger towards the hallway where I was still hiding around the corner. “Do you think he is going to wait around?” 

For years if I have to. 

“No. No one will, Y/N. You’re like your father with these pipe dreams.” 

“Pipe dreams? I didn’t realize wanting a family was a pipe dream,” Y/N spat. 

Her mother gave her a somber smile, clicking her teeth. “Kouklamou, I thought we talked about this. You can’t have a family, not the traditional way anyway. You need to realize that no man is going to want to go through all that trouble to have a child. It’s not worth it.” 

Y/N and I both flinched at the same time, those words almost verbatim with what Trey used to say to her. There I stood, my fists clenched by my sides, I rolled my shoulders back, glaring towards the petite brunette with dark eyes. 

I was feeling triggered while I observed this entire thing; it felt intrusive at first but now feels like I’m behind fifty feet of glass.

It made sense now, why this loving bond between Y/N and I was inaccessible. In this mode, I had to take great care not to damage these bonds of love, this relationship, this friendship, and this woman in front of me, who very early on became everything to my heart and soul. For in time, the glass disappeared and my love returned stronger.

I understood.

From my corner, I could see how the kitchen table had seen every emotion, from the sweet silent happiness of family times, when the only sound is contented enjoyment, to the rage that bursts out in the hard times; I understood. 

I refused to stand there and let it sour, not to her. Never to her.

Sobs played like a sad tune and I noticed Y/N was crying, hastily whipping away the tears. 

“I can’t believe I continue to let you in my life, knowing how you’ll treat me. Girls are supposed to look up to their mothers as idols, to learn from them how to be mothers. But you’ve shown me how not to treat my kids in the future.” 

“We’ve talked about this, Y/N. The chances of you becoming a mother are not in the cards for you. Neither is this musical career. You need to face reality.”

Fuck this. 

As I stepped into view of them, Y/N pointed to the front door. “I don’t need you to come in here and tell me how to run my life, I’m done with this.” 

“Y/n-.” 

“You heard her,” I spoke while standing next to Y/N, immediately wrapping my arm around her shoulder to pull her into my chest. 

My heart broke at how quickly she grasped onto my shirt, not wanting me to let her go. 

“Excuse me? This is a private matter between my daughter and me. This doesn't concern you,” her mom’s eyes sliced into me. 

“It does. Because it’s Y/N.” 

Her mom’s gaze bounced between the two of us, almost waiting for Y/N to object to my words, but instead, she stood firm, sniffing away her tears. 

“You need to leave.” 

With one final glare, Y/N’s mom snatched her purse off the couch while muttering something Greek under her breath before she slammed the door behind her; all the negative energy leaving in waves. 

“Y/N,” I tried to make her look at me but she kept her head cast down. 

“I can’t, Noah,” she cried. 

I lifted her chin with a firm finger and sucked in a breath as broken, bloodshot eyes stared back at me. 

“Don’t ever hide from me, angel. You know that.” 

Y/N kept her gaze firm on my face. “She does this every time. I don’t know why I continue to let her. I’m just a girl who wants her mother's love, is that so wrong?” 

“Angel,” I murmured while pulling her into my embrace, brushing a kiss across her forehead. 

NOAH

My fingers drummed against the marble counter in front of me while Davis set out various ingredients. We were currently streaming the two of us cooking BLTs, something for the fans to enjoy and watch. I was reading some of the comments, smiling at a few then cringing at some others. 

Davis handed me a block of cheese. “Cut this up for me, would ya?” 

With it in one hand, I playfully spit on my hand before giving it a nice smack. 

“Hm, imagining that someone's ass?” He smirked under his breath. 

I gave him a light shove. “Fuck off.” 

We spent the next long while goofing off and having fun for the stream. It was nice to let my mind focus on something else besides Y/N and her mom. I spent the rest of the night at her place, holding her in my arms as she cried herself to sleep. The familiar scent of her lingered on me as I tucked her softly in her bed. Before I walked out of her house, I ran into Chase and Malcolm, whose parting words stuck with me all day.

“She needs you more than she’ll admit. It may not seem like it but she does.” 

Y/N texted me this morning to thank me for being there for her and say that if she went M.I.A for a while today, it’s only because Hollow Souls were in the studio recording. I didn't ask how she was feeling after the surprise visit from her mom. Y/N would tell me, if she wanted to, when she was ready.

“Alright, let’s read some comments,” Davis suggested as we finished up the cook-off; me winning.

He held Max in his hands, every so often giving him kisses. As I read a few comments out loud and responded, the dog practically begged me for attention when a familiar username appeared on the screen. 

Y/NHollowSouls: Noah Sebastian, I swear to Hades himself. You kiss Max right now or I’ll come over there and kick your ass.

I laughed while shaking my head. “Alright, Max. Come here! Let me give you some love.” 

I scratched the dog's ear while leaving a soft kiss on his nose then looked back to the computer screen to see Y/N leave another comment. 

Y/NHollowSouls: Good, that’s better. Now I need to taste this famous BLT that won. 

“Then get your ass over here. Bring some coconut water because Noah drank the last one,” Davis said once he read the comment. 

My heart began to beat widely in my chest at the thought of seeing Y/N again. 

Y/NHollowSouls: fuck yes. Noah, have that sandwich ready for me.

We ended the stream shortly after that but my eyes lingered on the black screen for a long moment. Davis immediately picked up on my quiet mood and knocked on the countertop.

“Noah?” 

My name was white noise, still staring at zoning out in front of me. 

“Earth to Noah! Come in Herc! Come in Herc!” 

“What?” My eyes snapped over to Davis, finally breaking out of my trance. 

“What I thought.” He smirks before getting serious. “Are you alright?” 

I gave a weak smile towards Davis. “Yeah. I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?” 

He motioned towards the laptop. “I know you’re not actually fine right now but-.” 

I ran a hand over my face, doing my best to keep my breathing calm and even. “I’ll be fine, I promise. It just fucking hurts.” 

Davis shifted on his feet, hesitation clear on his face. “Why? No disrespect to Y/N at all, you know I love her-we all do. But why did you choose to stay in touch? After all the hurt you’ve gone through.”

My vision was direct with his. “Because I’d rather have her from afar to make sure she’s alright than to not have her in my life at all. Besides, she’s going through a lot of shit, something no one should go through alone. I won’t let her.” 

A grin spread across his face and he nodded. “I knew it. I just wanted to hear you admit it. But you need to end this shit with Bailey.” 

“I already did.” 

“Fuck,” Davis’ eyes widened. “Finally. How did she take it?” 

I nervously rubbed the back of my neck. “That’s the thing, she didn’t answer. I left her a voicemail.” 

“A voicemail? Damn, do you think she got the message?” Davis wondered while be began cleaning up the mess. 

I, instead, began making another sandwich for Y/N, knowing she’d be here soon. “I fucking hope so. If not, then she’s probably testing me to see if I’d change my mind.” 

“But you won't, right?” 

I snorted. “Fat chance.”

Davis turned towards me, drying his hands on a towel. “So you broke up with Bailey. What’s the next step with Y/N?” 

“I need to talk to her first. There’s a lot we need to talk about,” I said while pulling out a cold can of Dr. Pepper from the fridge. 

“Hey, that’s the last one,” he exclaimed. 

I merely shrugged while setting a place at the kitchen table for Y/N. “It’s for Y/N.” 

Davis, as much as he tried to be upset, chuckled. “In all seriousness, Noah, you know we’re here to support you. We have your back.” 

I smiled at one of my best friends. “I know.” 

Just then a knock sounded on the front door and before Davis could answer it, I quickly closed the short distance and opened it with a smile; only for it to drop seeing Y/N standing on the other side with a frown. 

“What’s wrong?” I questioned while allowing her to step inside and led her to Davis’ kitchen. 

“Chase’s birthday is on Friday and the venue I booked for it just canceled on me. Something about a pipe bursting and the room is flooded,” she exasperated while falling into the chair at the table. 

“What are you going to do?” I questioned while sitting across from her. 

Davis joined us at the table, taking the coconut water from Y/N with a small smile. 

“Thankfully since they have to cancel, I get my deposit back but Malcolm is freaking out,” she waved her phone around. “We have two days to figure out somewhere new for this surprise party.” 

“You can have it at my place,” I suggested. 

Y/N took a long drink of her soda. “Are you sure? Don’t you think you should talk with the rest of the guys first?” 

I snatched a chip off her plate and shrugged. “They won’t mind.” 

“Sei un tesoro, mochi,” she patted my cheek. 

Davis choked on his drink and my eyes snapped over to him. “I don’t want to hear it!” 

He held up his hands. “I didn’t hear anything.”

Y/N smirked before taking the first bite of her sandwich and groaned. “Oh shit, this is good. No wonder you won, Noah.” 

With a prideful smirk, I motioned to the rest of her plate. “Finish up. I’ll call the guys and have them meet here and we can plan Chase’s party.” 

At one point, Davis left to take Max for a walk, leaving Y/N and I alone. We sat silently and enjoyed the world around us. This has taken a lifetime to learn. It seemed only the old could sit next to one another, not say anything, and still feel content. The young, brash, and impatient, must always break the silence. It’s a waste, for silence is pure. Silence is holy. It draws people together because only those who are comfortable with each other can sit without speaking. This is the great paradox.

“Oh, I never noticed the great view Davis has,” Y/N mused while pushing away her empty plate. 

Realizing it was almost time for the sun to set, I quickly cleaned up for her and motioned towards the back door. 

“Let’s go sit outside for a bit, yeah?” I suggested. 

READER

Noah and I sat comfortably on the patio bench, a blanket draped over both of our legs as we stared out at the vast greens of Davis’ backyard. The sky was painted in bright oranges with hints of pink and purple. Silently, I thought to myself that I should have brought my art supplies, noting this would be a beautiful experience to paint. 

The silence between Noah and I was comforting, something you don’t find all that often. People always needed to talk rather than just listen to the world around them. The way the birds chirped, the faint noises of evening traffic, or the sound of the wind as it blew a chilly breeze. 

“Angel?” 

I hummed while looking over towards Noah. 

He rubbed the back of his neck. “Is there-I don’t know-anything you really want besides music right now?”

“I want a studio, with giant canvas’, paint; just an art studio galore! I’ve gotten into the hobby and love it,” I answered with a bright smile. “I was even thinking of using some of my art for the album artwork. Just playing with ideas.”

Noah’s smile matched mine as he let his hair loose from the hair tie, letting it fall to his shoulders in waves. “I love that you found something else you’re so passionate about, angel.”

“I love painting. I really do,” I leaned farther back against the couch and rested my head against it. 

“So paint. You should do whatever your heart desires, Y/N.” 

“Thank you, mochi” I nudged him. 

Noah rested his head against the couch, inches away from mine as another thought came to mind. 

“You know,” I started with a long sigh. “When I was a kid, I would have given anything to be exactly like everybody else” 

“You wanted to be petty and dishonest?“ He joked.

“Not everyone is like that,” I defended with a shake of my head. 

“Yes they are,” Noah retorted back. “But not you. You’re not like that.” 

This had me sitting up straighter, Noah following me. “How do you know what I’m like?”

“I see you,” He shifted closer to me, hand brushing across my knee over the blanket. “I’ve seen you for a long time. You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met”.

My heart beat widely in my chest, the noise deafening in my ears and I cleared my throat. 

“I think you are too. If I’m being honest, I think I’ve always sorta known that,” I admitted. 

“You know,” Noah’s hand rested on my knee. “With me bouncing between homes and couches growing up, I always thought I’d be alone. I’d never expected to have such an amazing group of friends.” 

“Sometimes maybe it’s better to be alone,” I shrugged while looking past his shoulder to an older couple watching in the neighborhood. 

“Why do you say that?”

I still kept my gaze off Noah, voice dropping low. “Nobody can hurt you.”

“Y/N,” Noah sighed and lifted my chin so I could meet his intense gaze. “I would never, ever hurt you.”

Those eyes. I’ve dreamed of those eyes almost every night since our first meeting so long ago. I won’t say I’m in love, not out loud, but I am. I came to terms with that a while ago. 

“I know, mochi,” I finally whispered. 

Noah’s thumb traced over my jawline. “I understand why it’s hard for you, Y/N. But know that when I’m with you, I don’t feel alone.”

That magnetic pull that always seemed to connect us with that invisible string made me lean closer to him needing his warmth to envelop me. 

“I’ve never had this instant connection with anyone. I know you understand it too,” he continued. 

With my continued silence, Noah sat up straighter but kept his grip on my chin. “Are you freaked out? Because not hearing you say anything kind of-.” 

“Noah- no,” I rested my hands on his chest. “I feel it too.” 

His hand grasped the back of my neck now, tilting my head up towards him, as we began to lead in closer, and when his warm breath fanned over my lips, I let my eyes flutter shut. 

“Hey guys-oh shit.” 

Quickly pushing away from Noah, I peered over my shoulder to see Malcolm leaning against the back door. 

“We’re all inside ready to talk about the party. Whenever you two decide to grace us,” Malcolm winked before slipping back inside. 

Clearing my throat, I let the realization sink in what Noah and I were about to do. He’s with Bailey and I was ready to kiss him. I’m not this kind of person but yet here I was again being caught between him and my conscious. Bailey, as intrusive as she was, didn’t deserve this. 

Noah tried to bring me back to him but I quickly stood up, giving us more space. 

“We can’t do this. Not again,” my hair shook widely around my shoulders. “It’s not fair to Bailey.” 

“I ended it.” 

I blinked. “Wha-Oh? You did?” 

As ecstatic as I was hearing this, I did my best to hide it. I didn’t want Noah to know inside I was jumping for fucking joy; like a kid on Christmas that received the toy they’d been wanting. 

Noah stood from the couch now, standing in front of me. “I think Bailey saw me as Noah on the big screen, not me the person and after everything at that dinner I just knew it was time.” 

“I’m-I’m sorry,” I stammered, not knowing what else to say. 

His brows furrowed. “Why? It wasn’t serious. There wasn’t that connection; like the one we have.” 

As my lips parted, it was Jesse now who interrupted us, taking a bite of the apple in his hand. “Are you guys coming or what?” 

Noah cursed while running a hand through his hair and I shakily pointed over his shoulder. 

“We should head inside. Talk about this party.” 

Not wanting to spend another second out here, afraid to finally give in to the thoughts that were screaming at me, I gently brushed past him to return inside.

GREEK TRANSLATIONS:

Koukla-doll

Kouklamou- my doll

“Giatí échei makriá malliá?”- Why does he have long hair?

"Eísai apísteftos"-you're unbelievable

ITALIAN TRANSLATIONS:

Sei un tesoro-you're a sweetheart.

[atlasofthestaars]

[MK X READER] New Era - Chapter .007

first part | previous part | next part

NOTE:  Lots of fluff this time, hope you enjoyed! I uh, hurried to get this out before my work LMAO

Time for yet another poll this time about Kitana! These should be stopping soon, but I want to cram these all in before the Outworld Tourney arc so I can plan it out properly! 

As usual leave your thoughts, and I will be taking them into consideration up until a week after this chapter, aka when the tumblr poll ends.

About three chapters left of original content before rejoining with the main plot! I don’t think there are many other characters that people are interested in polling for after Kitana and Havik, but just know that chapter 10 is probably the last time I will accepting asks for love interests since by then I do want to cement how the characters will interact with the reader before we head off to Outworld.

FROM THE EYES OF ONE WHO GETS A LITTLE CLOSER WITH OTHERS

Turns out that movie night is what you needed.

It didn’t fix all your problems, certainly not. If only it did. You still struggle with sleeping still. You aren’t certain how you were able to fall asleep so easily in that room, but you weren’t able to fall asleep quite as nicely afterwards.

You still worry and struggle to relax, and you weren’t certain if you were going to ever find a permanent solution to that. But you were inspired by Johnny to take up more activities to help loosen up more. You began to cook more, trying to chase the perfection that was Madam Bo’s cooking from the recipes that she had taught you. 

You ended up cooking more than you often needed, and outside of meal times, you were often too embarrassed to ask Liu Kang to help eat the food. You weren’t even certain if the fire god even enjoyed eating, or ate to simply accompany you so you did not eat alone. You always wondered that, but found it to be too awkward of a question to ask. Plus, he seemed happy enough to eat your cooking.

Nevertheless, you had a surplus of food that you could not throw away, so you thought of a different solution.

“You don’t have to give me this.” Kenshi said, a look of confusion on his face as you handed him a neatly packed box of food. It was still warm and you could faintly smell the goodness that was inside. Despite his words, you held it out to him insistently to the point where he took the food into his hands, a confused look on his face. 

“No, no I insist!” You say, brushing it off. “I’ve recently taken up cooking as a hobby again, so I’ve been cooking more than I usually do.” You explained, crossing your arms so the man could not hand back the food you had given him. “I don’t want food to go to waste, so I insist, really. Plus, I figured you’d be someone who would help critique me on what I need to improve.”

“Wouldn’t Kung Lao be better for this?” Kenshi inquired, though he did not look as against the situation as he originally did. He lifted the box up slightly, trying to examine the pristine way you had wrapped and packed the food. “He’s the one who likes food the best out of all of us.”

“He enjoys any food, he’d just eat it and compliment me to see if he could get more.” You pointed out, having thought this out. “Raiden would be too nice, he’d say I tried hard on it even if it was horribly seasoned and burnt. Johnny might have been a good choice, but I also think he might take me giving him food the wrong way.”

“I see.” The swordsman said, taking another look over the packaged food another time. You felt proud of yourself for how neatly you had done it. He paused, before sending you a small smile, and you mentally pat yourself on the back. “Thank you then, I’ll make sure to give you a thorough review of it.” 

“Good, because there will be plenty more where that came from.” You said confidently as you quickly shooed him off. “Now go back to training.” You nagged him. “And let me get out of here before Johnny Cage makes fun of me for being here on my off time again.” You whispered, scanning the area for the actor. 

You quickly left, leaving Kenshi standing there with a slightly stupefied expression. He glanced down at the box, a small smile on his lips. 

When was the last time he had tasted a home cooked meal made with care?

Sneaking a peek around the area, his curiosity tempted him too hard. He pulled at the packaging you put thought into, and opened the lid. It looked like the definition of made with love. He grabbed the utensils you had given him, and took a bit of the food, too curious about it.

It tasted amazing.

“You’re free to do whatever, just don’t kick their asses too hard.” 

It was a month after your short break, and despite your visit to the Lin Kuei temple a long while ago, it was only until now that Smoke could make time to help out your group. 

You shot the gray haired man a grin as you walked down the halls with the man. He let out a chuckle at your instruction, raising an eyebrow. The man seemed confident, probably due to you hyping him up for this day. You knew he would provide just the perfect challenge.

“Let me give you the rundown.” You said as you continued to guide him. “Kung Lao, you remember him, is doing great. He does have a bit of an ego though, so feel free to knock him down a peg. Raiden, the other person from the exam, is also doing well, but don’t let his innocent looking face take you off guard. Feel free to also go a bit harder on him, he needs the push.”

“It sounds like you want me to beat up your students rather than test them.” Tomas pointed out an amused tone in his voice as he glanced over to you. He was very expressive with his eyes, which was a trait you were thankful for since he was wearing his mask today for training. 

“Isn’t that the Lin Kuei way?” You teased before sighing as you put a hand on your left rib cage. “It’s been years, and I swear Bi-Han left a permanent bruise from his intensity.” You huffed. “Anyways, for the other two, let’s see…” You paused, thinking of what to say. “Johnny has a flashy way of fighting, don’t let the look of his fighting deter you, no matter how impractical it may look, he can still land a solid punch.” You let out another scoff. “Also, don’t let his words, whether positive or negative, take you off guard, he’s a real charmer.”

“What do you mean?”

“He’s an actor, he has a way with words. He might try to butter you up so you’ll go easy on him. Or try to cast you in his movies.” You informed him, remembering back to the first time Johnny had tried to get you to join his movies after the tournament. “You’ll see what I mean.”

“Duly noted.” Smoke nodded, but you had a sense that you probably made him more curious rather than cautious. You watched as he subconsciously spun the karambit he fought with on his finger, doing tricks with it absentmindedly.

“Anyways, Kenshi has some more…practical practice with fighting, so he’s also a threat to look for.” You continued, purposefully being vague with Kenshi’s past for the sake of his privacy. “He fights with a katana, so I suppose you’ll be out ranged.” You pointed out, gesturing to the much shorter dagger he wielded.

“Don’t worry, I’ll find a way to close the gap.” The Lin Kuei man said, with a tone of confidence in his words. You smiled, remembering your old spars with him. He was always tricky to fight against, being able to easily slip in a fight to get right where he wanted. “Any other advice you have for me?”

“Nope, like I said, you’re pretty much free to do what you want.” You said with a small shrug. “They’ll learn a lot from fighting you.” 

The two of you made your way to the courtyard, where the group was gathered. They were waiting, and you could tell that it had probably only been a few minutes since the last master had been training with them.

“Gentlemen, I present with you today, a different person to spar.” You greeted as you rounded the corner with Smoke in tow. You gestured to your friend, a smile on your lips. “This is Tomas, otherwise known as Smoke. He’s from the Lin Kuei. and I chose him to help train you today.”

“Lin Kuei? Like the ones who broke my Hichuli?” Johnny asked, as he looked towards Smoke. He observed him for a moment before pointing at him. “Nice mask, by the way.” He commented before looking towards you again.

From the corner of your eye, you watched as Smoke was surprised by Johnny’s compliment.

“I remember you from the test.” Kung Lao said, walking up to take a closer look at the guest. He sized him up and down, crossing his arms as he did so. “We’re better trained now.” He declared, referring to Raiden and himself with confidence, “We can take you on without you pulling your punches.”

“Be careful what you wish for, Kung Lao.” You warned, sending him a look. “You may have been progressing very well with your training, but Tomas here is still a trained hunter, you know.” You gestured towards the gray clad man who took your praise well, but there was a hint of bashfulness you could glean from his face. 

“It is an honor to have you with us here, today.” Raiden spoke, bowing towards Smoke with utmost respect. You smiled, pleased at the respect he displayed. You could always rely on him to be modest. You watched as Kenshi also nodded in his direction. 

“Kung Lao, since you’re so confident, go ahead and step right up first.” You instructed, nodding towards Smoke who stepped forward to take the challenge. You crossed your arms and observed, feeling satisfied as you were proven right that Smoke provided just the right amount of challenge. He could do what the rest of you could not: attack from all sorts of angles with his teleportation techniques.

As Smoke finally knocked over the farmer, you strode over. You held a hand out for the man.

“Good job.” You praised both of the men. You gripped Kung Lao’s hand firmly as he grabbed yours, hoisting him up. You felt Kung Lao squeeze your hand briefly before releasing it, and you mentally noted how his hand felt with the callouses.

“You’ve improved since the exam.” Smoke added in, brushing himself off too. Even though Kung Lao had been ultimately beaten, you could see that he had still given the Lin Kuei member a run for his money at times. 

“Thank you.” Kung Lao said, seeming to have been humbled a bit more. An enthusiastic look appeared on his face as he tilted his head towards the two of you. “Soon enough I’ll be able to beat you though.” He said with confidence. “Especially when I get my hat.” He said, his tone dripping with excitement as he glanced at you before walking off to the side to rest up.

“A story for another time.” You said as Smoke sent you a curious look. “Kenshi!” You called the previous gang member up, and stepped back to observe the fight from the sidelines. You had your students rotate through, each of them fighting Smoke one on one. After the last match, you called for a break, letting them catch their breaths, especially Smoke who had been fighting all this time.

“You’re really making me work.” Smoke commented lightly as he took the water you handed him. 

“Just as you did when I helped you.” You reminded him, remembering how many Lin Kuei recruits he had made you spar on that day when you visited the temple. “Don’t think I forgot.” You teased as you brushed past him, purposely bumping into his shoulder in a playful manner. You felt his stare on you as you walked away to go talk to your students.

You approached all of them, giving tips to them, explaining what they could improve when they were called up to fight Smoke for another round. You smiled as you watched them absorb the information. Soon, you sent them all back to fight the Lin Kuei member once more.

“Alright, you’re all dismissed.” You declared as Kung Lao finished his round, you chose for him to go last this time since he went first the first round. You clapped your hands, and they nodded as they dispersed. You watched as both Kenshi and Smoke approached you, only for Johnny to distract the Lin Kuei member and whisk him away.

You’d have to make sure that the actor wasn’t roping the poor man into anything later.

“What’s up?” You inquired as the swordsman approached, but you had an inkling of an idea of what it was about, after all you’ve been hearing his food critiques for about a month now.

“The food today was great, as usual.” Kenshi informed you with a soft smile. He had certainly warmed up to you much more ever since your food gifting had begun. “I did notice though that…” And he went off on a small talk about your food, giving you helpful criticisms as usual. He was always honest, and seemed to put great thought into his reviews, which you dearly appreciated.

It felt all too familiar, and you felt nostalgia pull at your heart. While you didn’t have too many memories of Kenshi in your past life, you had enough to remember that he must have been a close confidant. Why else would you care so much about his opinions?

“I’ll be sure to do that next time.” You said, but your mind drifted off. While you had been cooking mainly Chinese cuisine, you briefly considered trying out Japanese cuisine for Kenshi. You opened your mouth to ask for his favorite food, but considered against it.

Maybe you can surprise him instead.

You think you remembered what you believed was his favorite food from the hazy memories that you had sorted through. You made a mental note to visit Madam Bo soon to try to ask for some advice for cooking it. After all, she was the best chef you knew.

You watched with a silent pride as the man walked off after giving you his short food review. You felt a presence approaching you, and you turned to see Tomas approaching with raised eyebrows. You returned his confused expression.

“You feed your students?” He asked, a tone of curiosity…and another emotion you couldn’t quite place. You let out a small laugh as you nodded.

“You overheard?” You asked, but you knew already that he must have if he was asking about it. You placed a hand on your hip. “I do, but just to Kenshi. I’ve been practicing the recipes that Madam Bo taught me, and I usually make too much and give some to him. He helps me out by critiquing them.”

“I see.” Smoke said, nodding. He paused for a moment, a look of consideration crossing his face. “All these years of knowing you, and I don’t think I’ve tried your cooking, I’m hurt.” He said, his voice taking a teasing tone at the end. You scoffed and rolled your eyes to match his playful energy.

“It’s nothing special, if you want real good food, you should try Madam Bo’s, she’s the real master.” You said, moving to cross your arms. “But now that you’ve mentioned it, you’re right. I haven’t cooked for you before.” You paused and considered something. “Maybe one day I should.”

“I’d like that.” Tomas said, his eyes crinkling at the edges as you assumed he smiled at you. You returned the smile.

“I’ll make plans for it, then.” You said, trying to think of an appropriate time to cook for him…or maybe you should invite the other Lin Kuei ninjas too. You began to calculate in your head some plans. It was only until you saw Smoke extend his pinky in front of your face that your train of thought was derailed. “A pink promise?” You inquire with a mock offended tone, “What, you don’t trust me?”

“I do, I just want an excuse to hold it over you in case you forget.” Tomas said. letting out a small laugh. You sighed dramatically as you rolled your eyes. Nevertheless, you extended your pinky and hooked it around his, playing along.

It was a little silly, but seeing the promise between you was a bit charming. A small delightful tingle was left on your skin where it had made contact with his as your pinkies unraveled from his. You wondered briefly if it was a side effect of his power, but didn’t try to question it too much, just savoring how it felt.

“I’ll hold you to your word, then.”

“The first prototype of Kung Lao’s hat is here.” 

Turning around, you saw Liu Kang approach as he carried a small box. You approached him, grabbing the box from his hands. It was lighter than you expected, and walked over to set it down on a table so you could inspect it properly.

It took longer than you were expecting to get this first prototype. Another month had passed between when you had Smoke help you and now. The days seemed to be passing quickly, and the months leading to the Outworld tournament were dwindling slowly.

You weren’t certain to be nervous about the time to train these men were quickly running out, or to be excited that soon you were going to finally visit Outworld.

“Interesting.” You remarked as you held up the razor sharp ring of metal up from out of the box. It seemed it was the main blade that was supposed to attach to the edge of the hat. For now, it was still unattached. You were careful as you traced the edge of the blade, but hissed as you accidentally cut yourself on it. “Sharper than it looks.”

“Indeed.” Liu Kang said. you saw a crease of worry appear on his face as he noticed the look of pain on your face. You set down the blade, going to go inspect your finger where it had cut you. You squinted down, seeing a bead of blood beginning to form. It was a bigger cut than you were ready for, it extended to two of the joints of your pointer finger.

Carefully, the fire god grabbed your hand. You blinked owlishly as he carefully lifted up your hand to inspect it, not knowing what to exactly say or do. He let out a small hum as he noticed the small amount of blood. As if he were touching something delicate, he wiped away the blood with his thumb.

His touch was always so gentle, so warm.

“You carry a medical kit with you, yes?” The protector of Earthrealm inquired. You nodded, not noticing how you were spaced out. You reached around to grab it out of your pocket. You handed it to him, feeling a bit touched he remembered that fact about you. 

Liu Kang took it from you, and you watched as he carefully took the supplies out of the pack. He carefully made sure to clean the blood away before he spread some petroleum jelly on your skin. You tried not to flinch at the contrast of the cold jelly and his warm skin. Then, he carefully wrapped your finger up with a band aid.

“Thank you.” You quickly said, briefly stupefied at the actions of the god. You could have cleaned and mended your cut yourself, and yet you found yourself not wanting to mention that fact to him. Maybe he just thought it was easier for him to patch your wounds for you. There was no reason to overthink things, the fire god was just as friendly to you as he is to everyone else.

Surely.

“No problem.” Liu Kang replied warmly as he packed up your medical pack and handed it back to you. You swallowed as you took it back, tucking the pack back into one of your pockets. You avoided his glowing eyes as you picked up the box.

“It’s time to deliver this to Kung Lao.” You announced, before walking briskly off. You tried not to think about why you were all of a sudden feeling tongue tied over such a small gesture. You ignored how you felt his stare linger on you for maybe a little too long as you walked off.

You were overthinking things lately, honestly.

“This looks better than I envisioned!” Kung Lao marveled as he looked over the blade you were presenting to him. You basked in the beam he sent your way, and you felt a sense of satisfaction wash over you as you were watching the man’s dream come to life before your very eyes. 

And you were the cause of it.

“I think it looks good too.” You remarked. You instinctively pulled the blade away as Kung Lao tried to touch the edge. You had been reminded of what happened earlier, and ignored how your face wanted to warm up at the memory. “Be careful, the blade is sharper than it looks.” You warn. You hesitate for a moment, before gently handing it to him.

You probably shouldn’t be as cautious as you were being. He was going to wield this razor hat one way or another. You watched with bated breath as he took it from you. Your nerves turned to pride as you watched him inspect it, flipping it over as he murmured to himself.

It felt right, watching him with the blade. Why were you so worried in the first place?

“Oh, and here’s the hat, compare it to the blade to see if you like the fit.” You remarked as you stooped down to pick it up. You heard the sound of metal falling as you lifted the hat up. You looked down, puzzled, as you knelt down to inspect it.

It was a small piece of metal. It had no marks, but it was too small to be any piece of a blade. Was this a piece of scrap metal? You chose not to question it, grabbing it as you stood up. You handed the hat to him, along with the piece of metal.

“Here’s the hat.” You started, before gesturing to the small piece of metal. “Not sure what this is for, but this was also in there too.” You said, shrugging. You watched as he gladly took the hat. There was a look of recognition that appeared on his face as he saw the piece of metal in your hand. He quickly snatched it out of your hand before tucking it away in a pocket.

Odd, but it wasn’t suspicious enough to question him. Or at least, you weren’t bothered enough to.

“Thanks!” He said. You watched as he put the blade along the edge of the hat. Carefully, he put the hat on, holding the blade to the edge with his hands. He tilted the hat down, masking the fact that he had to hold the blade and the hat together by striking a pose. “How do I look?”

A wave of nostalgia washed over you as you looked at the pose. You don’t remember when was the last time you had been hit with it this strongly. You were speechless as you looked at him. You knew he wanted to make a hat with multiple blades, but something about a simple blade hat felt right.

Maybe you should try and make him a different version of this hat, one that felt closer to the memories you had. 

A small memory of teasing and laughing with a much cockier version of Kung Lao filled your mind as you looked fondly at the man. You sucked in a breath as you nodded.

“You look great.” You complimented, and you truly meant it. “The hat really suits you, I can’t wait to see how it’ll look when it’s finished.” You watched as a grin grew on Kung Lao’s face, and you spotted a bit of pink on his cheeks. He seemed to absorb the praise well, and for a moment you almost reconsidered taking back the compliment. It was clearly letting it inflate his ego.

Then again, it made him happy, so you said nothing to rain on his parade.

“Of course I do.” Kung Lao said smugly as he took the hat off. He looked at it again, the same way you would think a father would look at their own kid. You held back a chuckle. He was really enthusiastic about this hat, wasn’t he?

“You can mess with it for a while, whether it be practicing with the blade or making notes for the blacksmith.” You informed him. “I’ll be taking it back with the box whenever you are ready to return it to get it worked on again.” 

“Got it.” He nodded. “Thanks for this, again.” You watched as the Fengjian farmhand took one last look at the hat before stowing again in the box and running off. Whether it was to test out the blade or to make design notes, you weren’t sure. 

Either way, you felt happy.

“You’ve improved a lot.” You remark as you watch Raiden run through a combination again. He was a far cry from the man you remembered from the beginning. You looked up at the stars, reflecting back to those days with a wistful look.

Time was passing by fast, and you were reminded of that as you noted how much more confident Raiden seemed in his strikes. You crossed your arms as you fixed the man with a stare, watching him take pause after he finished the combination.

“Really?” He asked, a small smile on his face. He had an almost shy look on his face as he turned to look at you. You nodded in response, and he stood there for a moment before looking away. “How so?” He asked, a curious look on his face.

“Well, for one, you’re not making as many mistakes anymore.” You pointed out, holding back a small chuckle. “Actually, do that combination again.” You said, finding it ironic that you were probably going to have to take back the praise you had just given him,

You watched him as he did the combination again, and noticed the error in his form. You couldn’t help the laugh that left your lips. The irony of it all.

“Okay, poor timing.” You remarked. You tried instructing him on how to correct him form, but watched as he kept on missing the critical error. You felt a bit bad, maybe it was because you had just been mentioning how he had been improving and now he was a bit psyched out. You walked up to him. “Here, you need to land like this.”

Gently, you grabbed his arms and moved them into the proper position. You twisted his hands to face the right way. Then, you nudged his legs apart to make sure they were spaced apart properly. You hummed as you leaned in close, inspecting his form now. 

“Just like that.” You said softly, as you removed your hands from him. You backed up, looking him up and down. You looked up to his face, raising an eyebrow as you saw him avoid eye contact, his face a bit pink. “You understand now, Raiden?”

“Um, I…” Raiden stumbled on his words, his voice a little panicked as he looked down at himself before nodding. “Yes, I get it now.” He said quickly. You tilted your head, a bit confused at his change in demeanor. 

“It’s okay if you don’t.” You reassured him, sensing he was nervous. Was he all caught up in trying to be perfect after your praise? You had a feeling that wasn’t the reason, but you couldn’t quite understand what else it would be. “I didn’t mean to make you feel bad by praising you then correcting you.” You told him, trying to make sure he felt better. “I can help correct your form again if you need me to.”

“I should be good.” The former Fengjian farmhand said, his voice still a bit antsy. He shifted out of the form before facing the dummy. He took in a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. You nodded at him, and watched with satisfaction as he did the combination much better this time. “How was that?” He asked, a bit skeptical of his own performance.

“Excellent.” You praised, clapping your hands. “See, even if you mess up, you take critiques very well.” You pointed out with a smile. “It’s honestly impressive how quickly you can adapt sometimes now.” You continued. “I don’t think I was as quick of a learner as you are.”

“Really?” Raiden inquired, his eyebrows rising in surprise. “I can hardly imagine you not being excellent at fighting.” He commented, rubbing the back of his neck. “You just seem to be so talented at it, in all honesty. It’s admirable.”

“You flatter me too much.” You said, but still took the praise happily. You’d never admit it, but you enjoyed it whenever people praised your fighting skills. “I just have a lot of experience under my belt.” How much training you truly had, you had no idea, but he didn’t need to know that detail. “I do want you to know that I truly mean it when I say you’ve improved greatly, despite what just happened.”

“You are too kind.” Raiden said, nodding his head at your praise. “I hope to live up to your expectations for me.” 

“Oh Raiden,” You chuckled, covering your smile with your hand. You looked at the man fondly, shaking your head. “You already have.” You admitted. And it was true, he always went above and beyond for training, putting in more hours than anyone else did. He was truly dedicated to getting better.

The bashful look on his face, you had to admit, was rather amusing. You grinned. You felt bad, it was almost a bit fun to try and tease the man and see what got him flustered. Maybe you were being a bit of a bully, but you would never really admit that.

“I’ve only managed to get this far because I have such a wonderful mentor.” Raiden said, and you felt a bit warm as he turned the praise back on you. Sure, he had praised you just recently, but there was something about the way he said it that made this particular compliment feel special. The smile that decorated his face only added to it. “So, thank you.”

“For what?”

“For being such a wonderful person.”

part eight

[marigoos]

I’ve been so ill this past few weeks and been hospitalized because of medical concerns. Found out that I have a tumor and it was already malignant. I have a Stage 2A Cervical Cancer and needs help ASAP. 🥺

GOAL: $1800

Oh this is gonna be so fun. Buckle up, children, time for

✨SCAM EDUCATION✨

1:

Someone you don't know sends you an ask and asks for money

This in itself is an alarm bell. Maybe you're used to it if you're a big account, but if you're a smaller one that alone should make you suspicious af. This user does not follow me nor do I follow them. The only case in which this is acceptable is if you're running a donations blog (you know, the ones who collect people in need and make periodic posts to boost them? Which are way more expert in checking for possible frauds, or so one hopes)

2:

If you scroll down their blog, they're very recent

This is their first ever post, notice the time stamp. If it's still active when you're reading this, you can check yourself.

It's even worse because, while it makes sense for someone very desperate to open accounts on any social media that comes to mind and start begging, you scroll down their blog and their posts are mostly untagged gifs of popular shows and scantily clothed women. Which in itself is not a crime, I often do it too (though I don't go around asking money to strangers) but when you've known for weeks (see pinned post) that you were sick, and your blog is only 5 days old, I would expect at least one post about it other than the pinned one, no? Or even just one single original posts instead of only reblogs and one answered ask to another 6-days-old account

Also I'm not one to judge others' sexual preferences but if you're a mom I would expect at least one of the thirsty posts to be about a man, but oh well. Definitely not enough

3.

Check for others' warnings

There's a whole blog dedicated to listing all the scammers here in Tumblr, but I can't fucking member I should follow them if and when I remember

The fastest way is to search for their PayPal account name. First, though, you have to be CAREFUL about clicking suspicious links - always copy the link and paste it in the url bar to quickly check where it redirects you. In this case I saw It did redirect me to PayPal, and I did load it only because I don't have any PayPal app or credentials saved on my phone, so I don't risk payments or credentials getting sent automatically.

Unfortunately this must be quite recent, because searching for Christine Owaga (this guy^'s PayPal) only got me some Facebook accounts, and I don't remember my password so I'm not gonna check those.

However, since this is an ask on Tumblr, I looked on Tumblr for terms like "scam alert", "scam warning", "donation scam" and so on, and I did find something interesting:

Same exact message several times, more than one account, only one of which is still active.

Then I scrolled a bit more and found this one with a sliiiightly modified text, gonna bet that it's because that was when the victim brought a link to someone with a much bigger collection of receipts lmao just gonna link it here

The PayPal account name is different tbh, which means this dude is at least a bit smarter than an actual bot and knows how to spam semi-efficiently. Kudos!

This is not how a legit ill person should behave. Not even trying to bring some evidence, just leaving a trail of deleted accounts.

Gonna tag everyone I saw reblogging the scammer's pinned post so that they can delete it and maybe warn their followers (assuming they're not bots themselves)

@thecherry95 @back-in-19something @underthewingsofthblackeagle @fantasticcollectorkitten @takineko @razzgamer5 @jacks-ace @windywillows-world @aurelia-which-means-sunrise @comradesmooches @loch-tess-monster @urazayt @boodubious07 @satinfables @rateater69 @irontyphoonobject @blackfairyemoji @dannyfoggings @helloparzival13 @rusalkascave

[the-golden-comet]

✨Happy Fanfiction Friday!✨

Hellooooo~! This week has been very busy with leadership meetings, and I have six more in June (end of fiscal year. Lots of reports. Lots of retreats) so I haven’t been as active with the motivational days. I’ve also been writing my own story 🧞‍♂️, so it may take a while for me to respond if you tag me (please still do! I love to hear from you all. lt may just take me a little bit to respond 💖). Just know that you are lovely and I appreciate all your beautiful art ✨

However, this post will serve as my weekly contribution, as it has already reached so many artists and writers. I am so thankful it did, because y’all need to hear it. You lovely people need to hear these things. No more tearing yourselves down; it’s time to lift artists and writers up like the beautiful souls you are 💖

Speaking of supporting writers, it’s time for my fanfic recs. I’ve read a lot of your stories so far, so here are just a few of the myriad of lovely works I have had the pleasure of reading recently:

I Am Your Lover (I Am Your Jailor) by @justabigoldnerd (18+)

OKAY, you maybe saw me gush about this yesterday but it’s true— @justabigoldnerd masterfully crafts a fantasy narrative between Illya and Solo from The Man From U.N.C.L.E. His handling of heavier topics mixed with a lighter prose makes this just a gorgeous piece of literature. It’s got gay knights, a gay prince, and sex. Yes, I’m biased.

Also interwoven in between are some of the TENDEREST and FLUFFIEST moments that will make your heart melt. The villain in this story will make you viscerally upset—just as a heads up. @justabigoldnerd accomplishes all of these complex emotions so incredibly well, and I HIGHLY recommend you read it for yourself.

Five Years Is a Long Time to Not Call Your Mother by @poorreputation

Okay so this is Part 2 of their fic Dimples, which legit made me ugly cry with how good it is. So when this showed up in my inbox, I SCREAMED with joy. This is the sequel to this wonderful story on the fic’s birthday, and I cannot WAIT to see how it goes (though I will wait, because art this good takes time to make ✨)

Doom Metal Love Story by @fortunatetragedy

Okay I may be breaking my rules here with an original work, but FUCK the rules because THIS 🤌✨ beautiful story captures the raw and rigid emotions of Royston and Cole (what I’ve read so far), a beautiful train scene that I could paint in my mind thanks to @fortunatetragedy’s amazing prose work. Any story that can get me to paint a picture in my head like that is deserving a shoutout.

Speaking of fucking the rules:

LunuL by @autism-purgatory

This one. Right now. Drop what you’re doing and read it. Beautiful futuristic sci-fi with mad science thrown in and mixed masterfully, cyborg and cybernetic enhancements, and a beautiful bond between Leo and Ren, this is a must read. He works so hard on worldbuilding and it SHOWS, and his details are STILL beautifully crafted. Seriously, go read it.

That is all for now, but again—SO MANY STORIES. This doesn’t include the beautiful originals I’ve read here on Tumblr (Before Deluca by @dyrewrites has captured my heart with the insanely romantic storytelling style). Now, because of all of your wonderful and inspiring tales, I’m off to write my own ✨

[the-exhausted-dumbass]

Hello everyone. I am the man that you all know as Panda. I ran the pandasanddragons blog. Most notoriously, you know me in association with “Rai” who is now going by Kip and by he/him pronouns. His tumblr blogs, as far as I know, are notaguyrai, slaps-and-scribbles, volcanic-penis, and terracotta-crockpot. He also made an Instagram account at one point. I don’t think he uses it anymore but it is boopyboopcoup. I have been able to prove with certainty that me and Kip are not the same person. I had a voice call with @theintrovertbean who had been in voice calls with Kip and was gracious enough to join me in one so that I could prove once and for all that we are different people. @iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia was present during the call as well to serve as a mediator and can also confirm this information.

If you are not familiar with the situation, the original callout post is here.

I want to say that I am so sorry for everything. I let myself get caught up in all of this. I let Kip do horrible things, and encouraged him. I helped him, and I am deeply, exceptionally ashamed of that. I know that nothing I do can ever truly fix what I’ve done. I know that I messed up. I have no excuses for that. It was more terrible than I have words for. You don’t have to forgive me, I don’t expect you to either. But you all deserve a real apology. Not the fake bullshit one I had originally made.

Those posts original apology posts I made were made to try and cover things up, and to try and work out ways out of the whole situation. Those posts were also in some ways an attempt to pull all the blame onto myself, and take it off of Kip so he could keep doing whatever he wanted to do.

This did all truly start with a miscommunication, I vented to Kip. He decided he needed to do something and eventually we both got called out for that in August. Even before that, though, I had started to resent him. Afterwards, it all got worse. If I wanted to talk about it, he would brush me off. He would tell me that since it had already happened, there was nothing to talk about. And we started to argue more, I started to get more distant and he got angry about it.

I also want to apologize for my old blog. I originally made it so that I could make a post about my own opinion/analysis/whatever of Asra and Julian. I didn’t expect to get any attention and I hadn’t even planned on making more than one post. Kip encouraged me to keep posting, he helped me with the blog a lot. But I never wanted to just be a hater or be inflammatory with that blog. And so I am sorry for everyone who I hurt or upset with those posts.

The rest of this post discusses Kip, what he’s done, and my experience with him. Some of it is…a bit graphic and absolutely disgusting. But I feel it’s important to put it all out there. This is the last post I am going to make. After that, I’m leaving this fandom entirely and completely.

Recently, Kip has become active again, trying to cause harm to the Arcana fandom. This had brought attention to me, and to old posts I had made to vent about the situation and lead people to believe that the account was Kip and the source of the harassing messages.

I have decided to come forward with what I know about Kip and his current whereabouts, little as that may be. I do not want to run away from this situation anymore and let him have continued power over me.

I had at one point believed Kip to be my best friend and so I trusted him. I vented to him, I confided in him. I now believe that he saw me as not a person but as a toy. There were times when he would ask me to send messages to people, usually harmless. But he would also ask me to harass people on his behalf. When I expressed that I wasn’t comfortable with that, he would often call me a coward. I told him I sent things so he would leave me alone. He would even get angry with me for not wanting an ongoing conflict with someone I had had a slight miscommunication with. He was always pushing me into things because he “stupidly believed” that I was finally gaining confidence

Kip heavily manipulated me to believe that he was right, that he cared about me, and that anything he was doing was for my honor, as he put it.

He would often belittle me, implying that I was stupid or inferior to him, and also often ignored my boundaries. Much of this came in the form of talking about our OC’s. Often times, Kip would tell me that he was horny. He would then proceed to write about how his OC would assault mine. I participated and I wish I hadn’t. Because it was horrible and I never actually enjoyed it. Kip viewed my OC as his own personal sex toy. He wanted to write “dead dove” content about my OC. I had expressed not liking an idea he was writing out, and he ignored it and kept going with the scenario. I even framed it as my OC’s boundaries but it all went ignored and he would continue. I would try to steer it in a more palatable direction. But that turned into Kip wanting my OC to assault his.

After a creator was sent suicide bait, and a different user, wanting to defend them, came to my blog saying it had been me, I panicked. All I knew was that I had not sent anything like that, and I wanted people to know. It was then doubled down that I did it, with reblogs stating it, several non anon asks, and several anon asks. I couldn’t take it anymore, and I wanted to just delete the blog and be done with it all. Kip, however, told me that many people loved that blog and I should leave it up so they could revisit if they wanted to. So he offered taking it so that I could have some peace while everyone else got to still have access to the blog as an archive. After that I had no control over or access to that blog. In some respects, Kip had access over all of my socials, or at least my tumblr blogs. He would tell me to send asks to people, and I would as long as it was harmless. I never sent anything that would have been harassing or cruel and he called me a coward for it.

Kip often edited my posts, he had access to them before they were posted, he read pretty much anything I posted before I posted it, and put his own suggestions into them.

Some of these images may be a bit blurry, but I needed to put them together since I’m on my phone. These images are from the discord server that me and Kip shared. After the initial call out post, I deleted my old account and joined the server from a new account. So the “deleted user” is me, and I took screenshots from the new account.

This group of images is Kip describing how everyone has always been nothing it a social experiment to him, myself included

This group of images is how Kip liked to abuse my OC. Mostly starting with things like “Your OC is afraid of [x] right? So what if…” it got intense and this is the most mild of it all.

This one is specifically something Kip came up with because both me and my OC share a fear of being pregnant

These images are of Kip…generally manipulating and guilting me. And getting upset that I had wanted to apologize for everything

Kip guilt tripping me, riling me up, and just being awful in general

More guilting, and mistreatment. Things that hurt, and in the top left corner, when this all started. And I told Kip to drop it all. And of course, that he was angry with me for making amends with someone immediately instead of holding a grudge and being mean to them.

These last two are our last conversations. I was angry at him and I finally confronted him about everything. And of me having had doubts, having been disgusted with myself about everything that happened and Kip telling me that we were doing the right thing.

[amoscontorta]

hi. i read your recent fic “wine time with sylus” and had a lot of thoughts. i was typing them as comments in the tumblr post and decided the character limit is just not it. and then i tried to comment on your ao3 post of the fic but realized i’ll probably stain your other readers’ eyes from what i’m about to yap about. so here i am in your ask box im so sorry 😭

so anyway, WHAT A GOOD START TO MY DAY OMG. i actually read the fic earlier (right after i woke up) and was gonna start yapping away but then errands happened 😩 but now i can finally sit down and type!!

xavier’s appearance was such a lovely surprise!!! i love that he offered his support for mc in his own ways, which is so sweet eepy bunny of him 🫶🏼 BUT I AM A SYLUS RAT THROUGH AND THROUGH so i couldn’t help but mentally berate xavier for showing up the next morning and interrupting important relationship development time for crow man and mc 😤

i adore how sylus is such a wine nerd in this. and i can’t help but wonder if you, the wonderful author, are a wine nerd irl too? because the information i’ve gathered from this fic regarding wines and wine testing have been incredibly enlightening!!

and it’s amusing how mc’s thought flow and speed in this seem to be really jittery and all over the place — truly a reflection of how workaholic she’s been. and captain jenna’s “Go home, get your head on straight, and come back rested … and literate again, please.” made me ugly snort LOL

AND WHEN SYLUS HONED IN ON MC’S EXPOSED SHOULDER AND LEGS WHEN WEARING HIS CLOTHES. I SEE YOU BOI 🫵 and the way i cackled at “he is friend shaped, you will not ride the Sylus roller coaster, you will not ride the Sylus roller coaster—“

AND!!! “Yes, my heart’s delight?”!!! ARE U KIDDING ME. AHHHH!!!

and now please allow me to be unhinged for this segment but the last parts of the pic have effectively kickstarted my mind into overdrive. the POTENTIAL KINKS AND THEMES FOR THEIR, AHEM, SPICY ACTIVITIES ARE LIMITLESS. dry humping, sleepy morning sex, size training, thigh grinding, dom!sylus letting mc think she has the reigns and then he just takes over… i have more key words in mind but i shall keep them chained away for the sake of decorum 😭 AND THE LOVE BITE HE GAVE WHEN HE THOUGHT IT WAS A DREAM. WHAT WERE YOU DREAMING ABOUT SYLUS HUH 🤨

and if you ask me what my favorite paragraph is in this entire fic, it would be: “You lie like that for awhile, blissfully listening to his soft breathing, when suddenly you realize that pressed so close to him, you can feel every contour of his body, from your chest against his abdomen, his muscular, silk-covered thigh wedged between your legs, and his apparently very, very big dick pressing into your hip.”

no, i will not elaborate. to spare everyone from my disgraceful thoughts 🧍‍♀️

and it doesn’t help that the announcement on the upcoming multi-banner event came through right after i read the fic. i have a WHOLE NOTHER SET OF YAPPING ABOUT THAT but i shall spare you of this 😆

overall, i am the happiest sylus girlie today for that amazing fic and the new card 🫶🏼💕 WHAT A GREAT DAY, I HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT DAY TOO

i gotta say, when i woke up this morning i did not expect to be hit with such a horny treatise, but i'm so happy that the vibe of the fic came across in the way it was intended!! i had originally written something a little more explicit, but due to the context of sylus being asleep, i was running into issues regarding consent and the whole thing ended up not feeling as hot as i think this pixel man deserves if i ever get brave enough to write full on smut for him.

first, thank you SO much for reading and for sharing your thoughts on the fic. it's such a joy to know that other people like what i'm contributing to the fandom enough to actually comment and send me asks about it. it's mind-blowing, really. i'm gonna respond to your points with a novel under the cut, including NSFW discussion if people want to avoid it.

second, i fully believe that sylus is a wine snob. he has that dialogue in the destiny cafe that he likes to repeat at me over and over when i just want something sweet from him and keep poking him, where he's like "to forge a new path, one must be... something something brave about finding new flavors" and it's the most pedantic, pretentious shit i've ever heard and i love that for him. so i definitely think it's in character that he would hold court in front of mc and insist on educating mc about his thoughts on the matter of good wine. to answer your question, i'm not a huge wine connoisseur or anything. my partner likes to think that he is, so i've absorbed information through him and also through a few wine tastings and enduring vinophiles like sylus wanting to share their knowledge over the years, but i had to google while i was writing to ensure that i was remembering everything properly. i like a decent bottle that won't give me a headache the next day with just one glass, and that's about it.

i'm also glad you enjoyed mc being a dumpster fire in this one and that it made you laugh!! and xavier is so precious and sweet, i love him so much, and i love that it's consistently hinted that he is batshit insane jealous/horny under his cute exterior. i will never pass up an opportunity to try to honor him all these aspects of him in my stories.

As for the CORE of your ask, to be completely honest i've never written smut before. this is the first time that i'm actually feeling enough inspiration to consistently write, at length, a story that seems to have an actual structure?? but i'm really just flying by the seat of my pants without a fucking plan at all. but i HAVE read a shit-ton of smut, so i'm going to see where the story takes me, and i think you really did get the vibes i was going for in this one--i wanted to build the emotional and physical intimacy through the wine tasting, and also let my take on sylus's sexuality shine through a bit. i definitely see him as utterly animalistic (biting, grinding, scenting, unhinged physical expression of bottomless hunger) contrasted with unbearable tenderness (sleepy morning kisses and fucking). i think you and i are sharing the same braincell in this respect. but like i said, i've never actually written smut before, so i hope you don't get your hopes up too high if it takes a long time to write it, or i chicken out, or if i do write it and it's as sexy as ... well, about as sexy as mc imagines mc to be).

Thanks again for sharing your thoughts!!

[osarina]

Helloooo

Hope you’ve been doing well!!

So I’ve been on a manhwa binge recently, reading a lot of villainess isekai into otome/novel, I’m such a sucker for those, I mean pretty dresses and harem of hot guys sign me up hahhaha ,and idk whether if you’ve read them, but do you have any favourites??

Was thinking of a villainess isekai plot with bsd haha, like dazai can be the crown prince, either the cold tyrant or playboy flirt, like he can fit either bill hahha. Chuuya can be the dragon duke/knight commander/bodyguard ??? Idk he can fit a lot of roles. And reader is the poor lucky soul that gets isekai as a villainess

Those isekai have such good romances, thinking bout the sweet moments you can have with dazai or chuuya hahah sometimes it gets cliches but I can’t help but love it

Can be a classic plot of reader who finds out she isekai into the villainess who’s arranged engaged with the crown prince that kills her in the future and tries desperately to break of the engagement and dazai who is at first apathetic towards the reader but after seeing her changed unexpectedly and becomes a mystery to him, he gains a interest in her that turns into love and now he’s the one desperately trying to keep the engagement hahah

Just thinking bout a otome game with dazai as a love interest urghhhh, he’s got so many red flags but he’s so prettttyy hwjdhjd hahhah, maybe he’ll be one of the harder love interest to capture, so many chances for a bad ending

Its been on my brain for a while so here’s a doodle of prince dazai

I HAVEN'T READ ANY BUT I'VE BEEN MEANING TO, DO YOU HAVE ANY RECS ???

omg ... crown prince dazai & knight commander chuuya ... reader isekai'd as the villainess GUYS, ARE WE ADDING ANOTHER VERSE TO THE DAZAIVERSE ????? okay wait because also kaifhiuashfsadiuf don't these manhwa's usually have like a character that would have been the female lead because LODFKJASIOFHSAOIDFH that WOULD turn me into the villianess if dazai is going to be itnerested in another girl SORRY LOLLL

okay but no lets talk about this

crown prince dazai -> i don't think he'd be the stereotypical crown prince, he's probably apathetic toward his duties - if he doesn't outright disregard them - and he probably resents villainess because it's his duty as prince to marry her. eventually something happens between the two of them that leads to her execution and BOOM reader is isekai'd as the villainess at the beginning of the plot again. reader as villainess is NOT interested in her engagement to dazai and tries to convince her 'father' to call it off. THIS catches dazai's attention because it's the typical 'wdym she doesn't want me?' and that makes him want HER. so now he's desperately trying to charm her because she wants nothing to do with him and is actively trying to break off the engagement

knight commander chuuya -> he's all duty, duty, duty. maybe the villainess/reader is from a foreign kingdom that they'd been at war with so he's on edge the entire time her and her family are at the castle.... BUT ... but what if, in the original game, knight commander!chuuya was the only one to really get to know the villainess and was one of the few against the execution and cared about her. maybe he stumbled upon her one day while she was in the gardens upset over how her engagement w dazai is falling apart because the man actively despises her, and he's like oh wow... she isn't just some cruel bitch she's just a girl that wants to be loved. now when reader is isekai'd she obviously doesn't tell anyone BUT i imagine chuuya might be one of the ones she knows she might be able to rely on because she knows from the og game that he's genuinely a decent person

omg .... TUMBLR USER CHERERRRY SEND ME UR RECS AND I MIGHT READ THEM AND BE TEMPTED TO WRITE AN AU

ALSO UR PRINCEZAI HAS ME SOOOOO CHARMED I ADORE HIM SO MUCH <3333

[waitmyturtles]

Turtles Catches Up With Old GMMTV: A Tale of Thousand Stars Loving Rewatch Edition

[What’s going on here? After joining Tumblr and discovering Thai BLs through KinnPorsche in 2022, I began watching GMMTV’s new offerings -- and realized that I had a lot of history to catch up on, to appreciate the more recent works that I was delving into. From tropes to BL frameworks, what we’re watching now hails from somewhere, and I’m learning about Thai BL's history through what I’m calling the Old GMMTV Challenge (OGMMTVC). Starting with recommendations from @absolutebl on their post regarding how GMMTV is correcting for its mistakes with its shows today, I’ve made an expansive list to get me through a condensed history of essential/classic/significant Thai BLs produced by GMMTV and many other BL studios. My watchlist, pasted below, lists what I’ve watched and what’s upcoming, along with the reviews I’ve written so far. Today, I write about my LOVING rewatch of one of the best BLs out there, ever, in A Tale of Thousand Stars.]

While I’ve been in the midst of a plethora of awesome new shows (Only Friends, Dangerous Romance), I’ve also been treating myself with some oldies. I just wrapped up a rewatch of Until We Meet Again, to prep for New Siwaj’s Absolute Zero that’s coming out this fall. And one of the joys that I set for myself in the course of structuring the Old GMMTV Challenge was to allow myself some loving rewatches of shows that I originally first consumed out of any chronological order, and/or out of total curiosity for the amount of space they generally take up on a daily basis on Tumblr, and/or for the amount of times that I had seen these particular shows listed as top examples of genre-defining or genre-transcending BLs. Those shows include Bad Buddy (of course), and A Tale of Thousand Stars.

Way, WAY back in the day -- November 2022, to be exact -- just a couple months into my joining Tumblr and actively blogging, I realized that this show called Moonlight Chicken was being bandied about excitedly, mostly in part because EarthMix and FirstKhao were going to be in it. I was intrigued, excited to participate in my first active Tumblr fandom from beginning to end, and I asked the Tumblr gods -- oh hey, should I watch A Tale of Thousand Stars first, to get to know Earth Pirapat and Mix Sahaphap first? And the answer was YES, so I did, and I totally loved it.

And of course, I look back at that review from almost a year ago, and I giggle, because while I picked up on a lot of the raw elements that make ATOTS great, I didn't have ANY context for why the show was transcendent vis à vis pre-existing BL tropes in the Thai BL genre, what it meant to be watching a classic Backaof Noppharnach show, what it meant for the show to be set in Northern Thailand, etc. I even wrote -- oh wow, I see why some of the elders on Tumblr are saying that there are shows way better than KinnPorsche out there (LOL, oh, hindsight). I didn't have any of that context.

Now, I do. And during my recent ATOTS rewatch, I just ATE, ATE, ATE, oh my god, I just sat and fucking ENJOYED this FABULOUS drama. I was yelling and gesturing to the screen -- oh god, WHY are you SO GOOD, YOU SHOW, YOU?! Man, oh man. It was a shit-ton of fun to start rewatching dramas that I already have nostalgia for, even if I only saw them for the first time last year.

Besides rewatching some of these important dramas back in chronological order through the OGMMTVC, I also have a mission in mind: to properly rewatch ATOTS and Bad Buddy before rewatching Our Skyy 2, which I've been wanting to do for a while. That rewatch will take place after I rewatch Bad Buddy in a couple of weeks. And I'm glad I waited until I could consume Aof's entire oeuvre, because I think his whole slate of shows -- not just ATOTS and BBS -- give us clues as to what was happening by way of Pat and Pran's relationship in OS2 before their physical separation in BBS that further explain the ATOTS and BBS universes. But more on this in a few weeks, when I get to my BBS and OS2 reviews.

Back to ATOTS. As I rewatched it -- in the context of the OGMMTVC, and what I've learned about the Thai television BL genre NOW, what were the elements of this show that stood out the most for me?

1) The striking use of flashbacks to tell a story. I know NOW shows that haven't used flashbacks as well to tell a compelling narrative -- for me, most recently, the biggest example is Double Savage (and maybe even KinnPorsche goes up there, too). Before ATOTS premiered, I think the BL that used flashbacks the BEST in its narrative was Until We Meet Again, which *needed* flashbacks to tell the entire scope of its intricate story, from past to present.

Something that I forgot about ATOTS until my rewatch was how very PACED the show was. I think I had it in my head that it was a slow-ish story, because -- again, it bucked a lot of BL trends and tropes, just like He's Coming To Me also did. No side couples. No university setting. No warring faculties and uniforms. When I first wrote about ATOTS in December 2022 -- after having watched The Eclipse as my first GMMTV BL -- I marveled at the singular storyline of Tian's life change and journey. There was a LOT we needed to know about Tian to GET where he was going, and where he wanted to go. What I didn't appreciate back then was how Aof TOLD the story.

Sure -- it could have frustrated some folks that we didn't get the truth of who was driving the car until much later in the series. But that would be missing the point of that piece of truth. Tian had blamed himself for Torfun's death the second he learned about it. It didn't *quite* matter who was driving the car -- what mattered was the self-blame he assigned himself to, and the journey he thought he needed to take to absolve himself of the guilt that he carried.

The structure was beyond sharp, and just INCREDIBLY compelling. Between UWMA and ATOTS, we have two tremendous dramas that flirted with VERY risky past-to-future infrastructures, and both succeeded exceedingly well.

2) Phupha and Tian's TERRIBLE communication. I'm serious! Oh my god, y'all. Did we appreciate back then how AWFUL they are at communicating? HA! Our Skyy 2 obviously emphasized this even more -- Tian himself accuses Phupha of not being open enough to tell Tian why Phupha won't meet Tian's parents.

But, holy shit, these two guys are such drama bastards. By episode 9, I had to write in my notes, in all caps: THESE ASSHOLES ARE SUCH AWFUL COMMUNICATORS. If one person wasn't angry at the other, and avoiding the other person, then something was off in their world. Tian's titchyness, Phupha's avoidance, played against each other like opposing magnets.

And yet: of course, we know WHY they are bad communicators. We know that Phupha grew up in a traditional, rural household -- one that likely wasn't welcoming to his inner truth as a queer man.

Tian grew up in a privileged and patriarchal household that disguised itself as a matriarchal household. Now THAT shit's confusing. What Tian was to do with his life, as assigned by his parents, supposedly came from his mom -- but it was his dad that enforced those rules. Who could Tian go to to talk about his own growing inner truth as well? Not to either of his parents, who both had designs on who *exactly* Tian should be by way of their own demands and outward-facing lives.

So these two men -- both of whom barely had any practice in expressing their inner truths, their raw feelings about themselves, their life situations, and each other -- are figuring out their emotional shit vis à vis each other, for the first time in their lives. And what we get, gloriously, is a whole bunch of damn hilarious drama that left me shaking my head and laughing a bunch. They were SO passive-aggressive with each other, I had to applaud EarthMix.

And through their bad communication came so many resolutions to each storyline -- the illegal merchants, the revelation of Torfun's death and the story behind it -- that what we ultimately got to see were life-defining moments for both Tian and Phupha of utter growth. The trade-off between those dramatic anguishes and the TRUE drama of the show itself -- was well worth it, and brilliantly done.

3) The metaphor of freedom. We know, now, that Bad Buddy was existing in the same world as ATOTS.

God, I LOVE what Aof pulled in Our Skyy 2 by way of the Nong Nao eye mask (Tian even wears the Nong Nao eye mask!) -- because in rewatching ATOTS, I would have NEVER clocked that Tian was talking about his own freedom through his OWN eye mask.

We know now that Tian and Pran, in their respective shows, were on their own paths to freedom -- both from demanding families that demanded that each of them comport to absolute idealistic images of what perfect sons DID in those family structures. Both Tian and Pran have overbearing mothers with complicit fathers who demand exacting obedience. And both Tian and Pran ultimately sought freedom from that pressure.

In episode 9, I clocked a message on Tian's tote bag -- I can't get a clear-enough screenshot of it (it's in the 3/4 segment), but the tote bag says, "what is the meaning of free?" All of ATOTS is based on Tian's journey to emotional freedom -- freedom from his parents' expectations, freedom from the guilt he carries from Torfun's death.

An interesting comparison to UWMA happens in episode 5, when Tian asks about his growing feelings towards Phupha: "I don't know if these feelings are mine or Torfun's." And, of course -- combine that with what Tian needs to reckon with at the cliff in episode 9, when Tian is struggling with figuring how who's life he's truly living. As Tian separates himself from his parents -- as Tian understands his needs vs. Torfun's needs -- what Tian's struggle ultimately comes down to is, who is he really living his life for? Torfun saved him, his parents bought him the transplant -- but what does that actually mean for the meaning that Tian brings to his own life, and to the lives of others, including Phupha?

What Tian ultimately realizes is that needs freedom from the influence of everyone and everything around him to gain clarity as to who HE truly is. That, to me, is the ultimate core message of ATOTS -- it is Tian's defining journey towards the freedom that only he himself can find, vis à vis Torfun, Phupha, and Pha Pun Dao.

But because Aof is so good at wrenching our hearts with every last bit of energy he’s got: he showed us that Tian was able to come to this conclusion, ultimately, through Phupha, and Phupha's love for Tian.

ATOTS is a wonderful coming-of-age story, but without the typical cheesiness that that structure can often bring. It's a story of individual and internal change that we know gets echoed, expanded, and transformed in Bad Buddy through Pran. I see now that ATOTS and Bad Buddy are Aof's deep studies of internal maturing, both told through queer revelations, through empathic love with a rock-solid partner, and through fights against oppressive societal and familial resistances to living one's full truth.

Way, way back when -- and thank goodness for the OGMMTVC for allowing me to dive into this -- Aof depicted queer men living their very robust truths in Gay OK Bangkok. As I wrote in my GOKB review, what happened after the premiere of GOKB is that Aof went to the BL genre to begin slowly changing it, to make the genre a true home for real queer revelation and introspection. Did he ever nail it in ATOTS. Did he ever expand it in BBS. Watching ATOTS felt like coming home, because once again (as in HCTM) -- Aof defied typical expectations of the genre to get honest about what an internal reality of being queer could really be like. And to do that in Thai television BL, with all the tropes and expectations the genre had created by the time of ATOTS's airing in 2021, was remarkable.

Hearing the theme song, seeing Pha Pun Dao and the villagers (AND THE CHILDREN! I LOVE THOSE CHILDREN!), seeing the schoolhouse, seeing Earth in his forest ranger uniform, hearing the original source of the forest ranger t-shirt joke, seeing Rang and Yod again -- man, was it ever nostalgic to rewatch ATOTS, even after having seen the guys in Our Skyy 2. This show is SUCH a classic, SUCH a must-watch of the very highest order, and the fact that it does NOT shy away from a very real and difficult emotional journey is only just a part of what makes it one of the enduring diamonds of Thai BL.

[We'll return to Pha Pun Dao in a couple weeks once I get through my Bad Buddy and Our Skyy 2 rewatches -- stay tuned!

In the meantime, my review of Lovely Writer is on deck for next week. By far this is my favorite Tee Bundit drama. For the sake of my fellow drama clowns, I am giving I Feel You Linger in the Air a shot, but the editing choices are giving me slight Step By Step-PTSD. I'm gonna keep a close eye on this one.

But Lovely Writer is Tee's anomaly, and what a fabulously genius anomaly it is. I can't wait to get into it, and if you loved it, too, and you have NOT watched the Lovely Writer special episode, PLEASE watch the special ep, as I'll be referring to it -- it has a super important conclusion that wraps up the entire series beautifully.

A heads-up that I may need to take a week's break or so in early September.... hopefully I won't, but I am moving, so while I'm ahead on a few dramas, getting pen to paper has proven difficult by way of time. Hopefully this project won't be delayed too much -- but send me your best big ups nonetheless as I move domiciles!

In the meantime, here's the list -- as always, I welcome your feedback! (Tumblr's new web editor is jacking with the list below and not allowing me to strikethrough the shows I've watched. For the very latest updated list, please click here!)

1) The Love of Siam (2007) (movie) (review here) 2) My Bromance (2014) (movie) (review here) 3) Love Sick and Love Sick 2 (2014 and 2015) (review here) 4) Gay OK Bangkok Season 1 (2016) (a non-BL queer series directed by Jojo Tichakorn and written by Aof Noppharnach) (review here) 5) Make It Right (2016) (review here) 6) SOTUS (2016-2017) (review here) 7) Gay OK Bangkok Season 2 (2017) (a non-BL queer series directed by Jojo Tichakorn and written by Aof Noppharnach) (review here) 8) Make It Right 2 (2017) (review here) 9) Together With Me (2017) (review here) 10) SOTUS S/Our Skyy x SOTUS (2017-2018) (review here) 11) Love By Chance (2018) (review here) 12) Kiss Me Again: PeteKao cuts (2018) (no review) 13) He’s Coming To Me (2019) (review here) 14) Dark Blue Kiss (2019) and Our Skyy x Kiss Me Again (2018) (review here) 15) TharnType (2019-2020) (review here) 16) Senior Secret Love: Puppy Honey (OffGun BL cuts) (2016 and 2017) (no review) 17) Theory of Love (2019) (review here) 18) 3 Will Be Free (2019) (a non-BL and an important harbinger of things to come in 2019 and beyond re: Jojo Tichakorn pushing queer content in non-BLs) (review here) 19) Dew the Movie (2019) (review here) 20) Until We Meet Again (2019-2020) (review here) 21) 2gether (2020) and Still 2gether (2020) (review here) 22) I Told Sunset About You (2020) (review here) 23) YYY (2020, out of chronological order) (review here) 24) Manner of Death (2020-2021) (not a true BL, but a MaxTul queer/gay romance set within a genre-based show that likely influenced Not Me and KinnPorsche) (review here) 25) A Tale of Thousand Stars (2021) (review here) 26) A Tale of Thousand Stars (2021) OGMMTVC Fastest Rewatch Known To Humankind For The Sake Of Rewatching Our Skyy 2 x BBS x ATOTS  27) Lovely Writer (2021) (review coming) 28) Last Twilight in Phuket (2021) (the mini-special before IPYTM) (review coming) 29) I Promised You the Moon (2021) (review coming) 30) Not Me (2021-2022) (watching) 31) Bad Buddy (2021-2022) (thesis here) 32) 55:15 Never Too Late (2021-2022) (not a BL, but a GMMTV drama that features a macro BL storyline about shipper culture and the BL industry) 33) Bad Buddy (2021-2022) and Our Skyy 2 x BBS x ATOTS (2023) OGMMTVC Rewatch 34) Secret Crush On You (2022) [watching for Cheewin’s trajectory of studying queer joy from Make It Right (high school), to SCOY (college), to Bed Friend (working adults)] 35) KinnPorsche (2022) (tag here) 36) KinnPorsche (2022) OGMMTVC Fastest Rewatch Known To Humankind For The Sake of Re-Analyzing the KP Cultural Zeitgeist 37) The Eclipse (2022) (tag here) 38) GAP (2022-2023) (Thailand’s first GL) 39) My School President (2022-2023) and Our Skyy 2 x My School President (2023) 40) Moonlight Chicken (2023) (tag here) 41) Bed Friend (2023) (tag here) (Cheewin’s latest show, depicting a queer joy journey among working adults) 42) Be My Favorite (2023) (tag here) (I’m including this for BMF’s sophisticated commentary on Krist’s career past as a BL icon) 43) Only Friends (2023)]

[the-lonelybarricade]

Just wanted to drop in and say I am counting the days until Elucien week bestie. I haven’t been very tumblr/discord active recently with family and work stuff, but you can bed AtRF AU Elucien is on my mind constantly.

May I have a little snippet if you’re willing? Also, please don’t feel obligated to answer this if you’ve been sharing a lot and I’ve just missed everything 😊

💕💕💕

Absolutely you can!! AtRF Elucien has been on my mind too, mostly because I'm scrambling so desperately to get this story finished in time and for some reason I'm making these chapters excessively long (because I hate myself or love you guys, it's debatable)

-

Elain had not expected this. She had not expected the way his eyes fixed on her, watching her every step with an interest that did not match a man who had neglected to court his bride. He hadn’t inquired anything about her, she reminded herself as she felt heat rise over her cheeks.

“Haven’t seen my bride, have you?” he said to her, quietly, once she’d joined him at the altar.

The only one close enough to hear them was the clergyman, an elderly man who slotted his eyes between them curiously but otherwise did not comment. He had been present to verify her purity just a few nights prior, and the memory of that humiliation sharpened the anxiety and anger she’d been struggling to push down.

She sniped, “There were no mirrors in that garden as far as I recall.”

Lucien laughed under his breath. “And you hardly know her?”

“I know only who she's been told she must pretend to be,” Elain said, raising her chin in the stubborn way she’d seen from her sisters a thousand times before. “I know nothing of the girl beyond the pretense.”

“I know she likes to dress up as a servant and act discourteously towards foreign royalty.”

“I did not know you were royalty,” she protested. Then with narrowed eyes and all the poison she could muster standing this close to the clergyman, she said, “Perhaps I was distracted by how inconsolable you were at the news of your missing bride.”

[revanchistsuperstar]

holy hell, have I just had the throwback of a lifetime. dude, way on back when I was a confused unhappy little early-pubescent grub (11-14), I was obsessed with cosplay (still am) and would spend time religiously trawling deviantart and tumblr for crossplay advice, ways to bind and masculinize my face and walk and talk and comport myself more masculinely. I kept saying it was for character accuracy, but of course, there was more to it than that.

to shorten it all up, this tutorial of yours https://www.tumblr.com/revanchistsuperstar/70647041474/new-and-improved-ftm-crossplay-tutorial-if-you?source=share came up on my pinterest earlier and threw me back, after not seeing it for years now. I didn't even remember you were from middle tennessee! I googled the title of the tutorial to see if I could find the OG post, and was so glad to see you're still active on this account so many years later.

I just wanted to tell you that that tutorial was very impactful for me as a fellow southern queer kid. while I never did figure out how to make it work on my chubby, puffy little child face at the time (have gotten a bit better at makeup lately, still no pro but certainly better,) it was something to aspire to, and it was something that got me through a lot of waiting and confusion and self-discovery, knowing I *could* look like a man eventually, whatever that meant for me.

thank you for posting your tutorials online. I'm sure I'm not the only queer kid you've helped simply by being out and proud, but I wanted to tell you personally about how much you helped me survive puberty, the aspirations of passing, or at least being happy in myself regardless. I finally fully accepted myself at the end of last year, and came out to my parents early this year. It's been a lot to cope with, but life feels more promising now that I'm not hiding, and that I can seek medical transition knowing myself.

again, thank you so much for posting your tutorials. your pride has positively impacted me, and no doubt many others. I truly hope you've been well this past decade, and may the future remain bright for you. <3

Holy shit! Well way to go, and best of luck!

That tutorial is over 10 years old, that’s wild.

Believe it or not, I had my gender in no way figured out whatsoever when I was posting those, took me forever to realize what I had going on. I’ve been out as trans of some sort since 2011, but I only came out as a gay trans man and started medically transitioning a little over a year and a half ago.

But yeah I’ve been doing drag now for about 13 years! Vastly improved since the DeviantArt days lol. I now work professionally as a hair and makeup artist for stage and occasionally screen, so that’s what over a decade of plugging away at something can get you.

Glad the tutorial was helpful for you, being that it was one of the only masculinizing makeup tutorials out there on the internet at the time that I made it, its had pretty far reaching effects. Recently I’d been settling in to realizing that even though I’m only in my 30s, because I started drag in my teens I’m now becoming an elder of the drag king art form and as my co-producer from my drag troupe put it, I’m the Velvet Underground of drag kings. 🤣 But I’m glad it helped with your gender feels too!

Keep on keeping on!

[scalefeathers]

Wilkommen, bienvenue, welcome!

I'm Scales and this is my blog. It is and has always been a bit of a hot mess, but that's true of me, too. Apart from reblogs, most of my original posts are about my FFXIV characters:

Bylti Blomstrandi: My main character and 'official' WoL. Began with the concept of 'what if Utena and Anthy merged into one person and went on adventures', because I had been watching a lot of Steven Universe recently, I didn't know anything about the setting so I didn't have any ideas for an in-universe character origin, and my love for Utena is evergreen. Though I use the 'male' viera model, Bylti is female; I just wanted her to be androgynous, and it's easier to make a feminine male viera than a masculine female one.

Moku Shiroku: Onze for onze the angriest man in Eorzea. Born out of my need for someone to take on all the classes that didn't suit Bylti, my desire to play against type for lalas, and my realization that mokushiroku ('apocalypse') worked perfectly as a Plainsfolk name. He is frequently accompanied by @saesama's Zettai Unmei, who acts as Moku's pocket healer and chief apostle, as he's convinced Moku is the second coming of Lunar Bahamut.

I play on Crystal data center, Couerl server as part of the Gage Acquisitions FC. Feel free to say hi!

I also do artwork occasionally, though my creativity tends to ebb and flow and it is pretty ebbed at the moment. Mostly I do fan art, and mostly in recent years it has been Star Wars and Arcane focused. Here's my art tag if you want to take a look!

I'm not currently accepting DMs from tumblrs I don't follow, but you are more than welcome to send me an ask here!

I post about a lot of things, not all of them fandom-related. I will try to tag appropriately, especially for things that may be upsetting, but I expect you to curate your online experience. If you don't like what I'm posting or the opinions I'm expressing, I invite you to block me and move on with your life.

Edit: I’ve been getting some asks requesting help with fundraisers, for Gaza and for other expenses. While I don’t know that my reblogging will help that much since I don’t have an especially active blog nor very many followers, I’m happy to do what I can. If you want to send me an ask like that, please be sure to include a link to your fundraiser or the post you want shared. (Also if you’re a follower of mine and I share something that you know or suspect to be a scam, please let me know.)

[andydreamzzzz]

sending this same message to a few others,

first, sorry to bring up old ass shit but your posts were really important for me and I wanted to let you know. holy moly I didn't know/didn't realize how awful girlgerard was. i haven't looked at his blog since like 2022 but during the MCR revival tour when i was watching live streams i'd be reading his posts at the same time, drinking the Kool-aid but I didn't actually have tumblr at the time so I didn't know the conversations surrounding her and just continued to be in that weird ass fetishy echo chamber. it's wild though because his constant yearning for gerard and the other band members and their non-traditionally attractive appearances, and constant trans head-canoning helped me accept myself as a non-binary person and even explore gender in new ways that I was too scared to do before. Truly his posts were lifechanging for me and how I perceived myself and my gender and yet I now realize how deeply awful and invasive she was/is. (ntm all the anti-racist posturing, lynz stuff, and more recently her flat out refusal to admit that israel is committing genocide jfc) i was too caught up in the MCR special interest, trans special interest, queer trans visibility excitement of it all (and honestly also the horniness) to fucking think critically and touch grass and man I have way more discernment now thank god. anyway just wanted to thank you for your posts about him because otherwise I wouldn't have known because I very intentionally avoid most online "discourse" because it gets so tiring and confusing and life sucking. hope you're doing well

I’ve seen my page get a lot of love and activity recently, thank you guys 🙏🏽

I hope you are doing well also.

I’m sending everyone in the mcr spaces so much love, it’s not an easy time in the world in general to navigate when we ( the emo community lol) have already been heartbroken for a minute before the ‘normies’ caught on. Like welcome to the fucking party I guess…

[marshymeds]

Sketch Requests and QnA ;-; ❤️

Man…some of my posts have gotten a lot more attention than I expected, posting on tumblr started as more of a side thing but now that I know there’s an audience I’ve been more active. Thank you sm for giving my doodles love❤️

I know I normally open weekend sketch requests on Fridays, but I’m doing it a bit earlier this week because wanna get to know some more people here on tumblr, and as a thank you for all the lovely comments and attention I’ve gotten recently ❤️❤️❤️ they’ll be open through Sunday as always

(Little about me! I’m El, 21, they/them, and I’m finishing up a bachelor’s in Library and Information Science and working on an undergraduate thesis in archival studies. I love art, music and writing as you might notice so that’s my side hobby. If I ever disappear, you can safely assume I passed out while working on research papers)

[moonysdora]

hey! Welcome back!

I just wanted to let you know that yesterday I was hunting down the Remadora tag (average Sunday). I managed to stumble across one of your oldish posts, and I was thinking to myself “aw man I remember her, such a shame she hasn’t been active in a while. I hope she’s doing alright” and was remembering how much I used to love the memes you made. 💀 now it’s like 4am and I suddenly woke up, the first thing I did was open tumblr (bc ofc I would) and go through my activity feed. And I cannot explain the feeling of pure happiness that was rushing through me when I saw your url 😭 You literally just made the rest of my day, I’ve also just seen your most recent answer to an ask about your lack of motivation to write fics and I’m hoping you get more motivation soon bc you’ve always been an amazing addition to the Remadora fandom <3

anyway I’m about to go back to sleep but I just wanted to tell you about this strange coincidence, idek if you’ll see this lmao but I wish you the best! have a great day! 💖💖

Awwwwwww you're so sweet, thank you so much <33

I'm doing good, but as I said in the last post, I'm just not really into HP anymore... and there's no hate, I just moved on from my obsession (I got to admit I was incredibly obsessed with Remadora at one point). Occasionally, I log in to here to see what's up because Remadora will truly be in my heart forever <3

Thank you again for thidms message, I really appreciate it, and you've also made my day :)

[arcxnumvitae]

GET TO KNOW THE MUN

NAME : Kris

PRONOUNS : She/her

PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION : Tumblr IMs and Discord. My Discord I’m only comfortable giving out if we’ve already established a bit of a rapport so I generally like to wait a little regarding ooc chatting before offering or giving it to someone.

MOST ACTIVE MUSE : It can change but lately it’s almost always a dragon and second is a fae. I think a lot of that is because they’re part of groups with dynamics with other muses of mine that I can also have fun with incorporating. Even if it’s just them chatting or talking about recent events. Haha, I really like connected stuff so it’s a surprise I don’t have more connected muses.

EXPERIENCE / HOW MANY YEARS : A side blog for about a month before I took the plunge and made this one! Leeeetttt’s seeeeeee, like 2015? I was a senior in high school and I’ve been here suffering ever since!

BEST EXPERIENCE : Absolutely absolutely the worlds and friendships I’ve made here. Some of my favorite years here were getting to create so much with @thewolfisawake​ and a friend who’s unfortunately no longer online. Kirei and I have been friends basically since I started and oh man, the love explosion I could go on about. Eight years this year! My rotten soldier, my sweet cheese, my good-time gal, she’s been with me through the best and worst days of my life and I cannot ever begin to truly articulate how much our friendship means to me.

Getting a little less sappy, even though our third friend is no longer around, I’ve felt so honored to have still been able to make connections here and getting to create new worlds, new plots, and new friendships with people. It got a bit disheartening for a while because I wasn’t writing as much because it felt like all I could find were people who frankly didn’t bother giving me the time of day because I was someone new and someone they didn’t already ship with. It was hard to get interactions or write with new people. So this past little while has been an absolute blast.

RP PET PEEVE : Oh my gosh I feel like I go on about this so much that it’s going to get annoying but it’s always my most consistent number 1 issue over the years. Shipping. Smut. Only caring about ships. Only caring about smut. Heck, only caring about solely your muse in a ship or only caring about writing smut for our ships. Dropping even attempting to interact with a muse of mine like a hot potato just because you realize the possibility for romance isn’t happening or because I didn’t immediately jump onto the ship bandwagon with them. I swear I’m not anti-ship because I also really like writing romance and I think writing smut can be fun! I just hate when it seems like that’s the only thing someone cares about when writing with me.

I guess it’s like...you create this fully fleshed out muse with hopes, dreams, aspirations, story hooks, and relations to other muses but none of that gets touched because you’re only used as fodder to write out “And (my muse) kisses (your muse) before having wild and raunchy sex with them” over and over again. I feel like it comes as no surprise if you’ve followed me for even a short amount of time that I really enjoy creating plots and events and things like that with our muses. It’s just how I prefer to do things. I’m also here to, like, write with people, not write out romantic scenarios for people, if that makes sense.

So if it’s obvious, and it always feels like it’s pretty obvious to me, when what we want out of something isn’t matching-- and worse, my muse is being treated like a glorified sex doll? Yeahhh. It’s why I wrote that big dramatic rule update/PSA post a minute back when I was going through some spring cleaning (also talking about my #2 pet peeve-- mutuals I can’t get to write with me)  and-- I’m glad I did? I was right, I would not have wanted to deal with that with how stressed I am now and I’ve been enjoying using Tumblr and writing out muse mess as a breather. So, pat on the back to past me I guess?

Kind of stealing Marshy’s sentiments (who I’m also stealing this meme from too, hi) I’m a big fan of ships but I’ll never insta-ship, and depending on the muse, I genuinely mean it when I say that it may take time to get there, but I think the journey is part of the fun anyways. Anyways, I rambled again! Sorry!

PLOTS OR MEMES : I’m fine with both! I always tend to automatically resort to memes or fun dash things rather than long-form plotted threads when I’m super busy or tired, which is why I haven’t touched a tracked thread is a hot second ahahaha.... But I like both! 

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES : *SpongeBob out of breath meme* How long are we talking? I can do long, it just depends on the muse, my energy, and if I have enough to work with. Longer threads may take me a while to get to since they require more attention and focus, but it all just depends!

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSES : Some yes and some absolutely not and thank goodness for that. I feel like most of my muses differ from me more often than not, and the only ones I may share similarities to are the introverts like Veritas, Raven, Aur, etc. Veritas, being my first ever muse, has more pieces of me than anyone else, but really that’s more like some of her personality beats and awkwardness than anything else and I still think she’s still a lot cooler than me personality-wise anyways!

Tagged by: @sansloii​

Tagging: Anyone! Just say I tagged you

[pidgecv]

pre-bed thought dump so i can actually sleep without too many thought swirling around and clogging up my brain (my friends r all asleep so i can’t spam them instead 😔)

i miss turtle posting btw i’ve decided to do more turtle posting again (probs starting tomorrow w some sketches i’ve been hoarding or smth)

man my tumblr activity graph is gonna be wack anyways i finished reading orv, cried a few times, i’m emotionally devastated but at least FINALLY the boy is implied to be back. I have dnd at 9:30am and i have NOT told my parents (worse case i’ll walk there) yet i am. so tired. but my brain is zooming. i can not read very well. but my brain is ZOOMING.

here is a collection of some of my fav late orv chapters (a lot of them aren’t included bc i got tired of taking screenshots every damn chapter istg) ((also i read most of the novel ages ago now so this is from my recent “so the nightmare begins again” bout of hyperfixation))

i think i saved a fuck ton of lines i liked from some of the earlier chapters on my ipad but i don’t think i set my ipad to nightlight earlier and i’m not up for getting blue light biden blasted rn

i’ll go back to turtle posting pretty soon i think since last time i hyperfixated on orv i speedran the stages of hyperfixation and this time i’m even out of novel to read. i have reached my very own conclusion. my phone is lagging to hell when i type it’s taking my letters around a second to appear on the screen but i’m not exactly typing any slower so it backlogs and i can just sit there and watch the words be typed if i go fast enough lollll.

i’ve gotta draw raph in my au man. i gotta make him interesting bc i love him he is literally wonderful i just really suck at drawing him and leo bc rise is an artstyle that’s a total 180 from the stuff i’ve drawn previously. i continue to amass more art styles, soon no one will be safe. I just want to do them justice. they’re not the main character but they’re important and i feel bad for not fleshing them out well yet. i want to write them well and i want to write them with importance. i want every character i write to be with a purpose. to have potential for their own stories. i don’t want them to be hollow side characters, and the first step to achieving that is giving them designs i love. i love to look at and draw. i’ve achieved that with donnie and mikey and i’m starting to with leo but i’m so intimidated by raph because as important as he is as a character to the story i want to write he is by far the hardest for me to draw in the way that i think fits. in the way that i want. because i know what i want in his design and character, but i can’t quite get it right in the context of the artstyle i want to draw my au in. might have to bend some of the stylistic rules i set for myself to get him to work unfortunately.