odd thing to bring up after i talked about how i'm finally trying to write for myself and not other people, but because i start and don't finish so many projects...i'm honestly not even sure where to go? i'm feeling a bit stumped atm, so if anyone has something in particular that they're interested in seeing from me, please lmk.
obviously i'm trying to only travel down paths that i want to, but as i look at my pinterest boards and all the projects i've started, all the styles and respective universes i'm cobbling together, i'm finding i am very interested in exploring all of them, so my stomach hurts, my head feels funny and my heart is a little confused. i'm feeling lost and as you are all my sunshines my only sunshines, the very same way i appreciate the warmth you provide me, i'd also love a guiding light.
thank you for all your support.
it is extremely precious to me.
-uncle nina
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Hi, this feels rather forward, but would you consider posting your poem "hast thou considered the cynodont?" here on tumblr? I was looking at some stuff id retweeted, saw it, and would like to share it here too
Sure! It's actually a section of a longer poem, which was first printed in The Mesozoic Reader.
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due to Life Shit I kind of stopped drawing much about a year or two after I graduated high school bc I just kind of didn’t have the time or mental/emotional/physical capacity to fit it in, despite art being something I really want to be a part of my career. It kind of makes me sick to realize how much muscle memory I lost just from that time (I had only about a year and a half total of absolutely no art but that was enough. doesn’t help that during that time I seriously injured my hands) considering I’ve been drawing my entire life. I really wish things had not gone that way and that I could have kept going, but expectations were on me to do something else and any time I sat down to draw was treated as wasting time. There’s also something weird about recovering from severe trauma that kind of adjusts how you engage with a hobby you used as a coping mechanism, which Art very much was. I almost never drew vent art, but I used it to focus on something and make myself happy and proud of work I actually could do, and once I was out of the environments that funneled me into drawing (being forced to go to church, school, anything involving sitting down for a long period of time) I found less time to actually have an excuse. Someone bought me a single college course of art classes right out of high school, and I think that was where I COULD have had the opportunity to really get started if I had actually had the money to continue and the college hadn’t been so far away. After that course ended I didn’t have that excuse anymore. I used to draw in DeviantArt and Discord art groups, but those began to fall apart and soon I didn’t have that option either. After that I doodled but didn’t really create Full Pieces unless some friend asked it of me, and it was never a commission bc I’d never trained myself to get that sort of shit done without taking too long, so I’d always do it for free. So even that wasn’t a big motivator eventually. Now that I’m struggling for work after becoming more physically disabled after COVID, all that time I could have spent honing my art skills so I could do SOMETHING with my art really is weighting down on me. I have the option to do freelance work, illustrations, pet commissions, even things like cards and cookies. I’ve seen these avenues open up for me gradually, but I’ve lost the skills I built up that I need to actually make something I’m proud of. I’ve taken to tracing old art to try and remember my thought process and my “style”… but my memory was bad BEFORE the covid, and it’s worse now, and my brain fog makes it hard to focus even if I could get back on the train of thought. I don’t remember the construction that would be in my mind’s eye. I barely can keep a clear vision in my mind’s eye anymore, worryingly. I never had a crystal clear imagination, it was always sort of abstract, but I could see the lines, I could construct a scene. Now I have to focus hard to get any sort of detail clear in my head. It’s like if you tried to look directly into someone’s face in a dream, or put in a prompt in neural blender. So I have to adjust to performing the entire thought process physically, slowly and tediously trying to figure out what I’m imagining before I can really get started. Those old art tutorials for constructing shapes and bodies and such just aren’t coming naturally anymore so I have to dredge deep into my mind to remember which advice helped “click” the best and knowing it might not do it this second time around. It’s like if you forgot how to ride a bike. It was something natural to you, you could even get started haphazardly and distracted and still be able to tell where you were going and not fall over or trip on yourself, but now it’s like you have to focus on each step and it constantly feels like it’s taking everything you have to not crash. I’m glad I can start drawing again, but it hurts that something so huge in my life has been turned into this. I’ve ranted about it before it’s just easier to notice when you’re not sketching out people’s pets or doing super stylized doodles.
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HAURCHEFANT ; ANCIENT VERSE.
Svalinn is most known for how keenly Azem speaks of them: a being with a gilded tongue and a golden heart that could rival the very sun. While decidedly not a member of the Convocation or their close inner circle, his name tends to be familiar to most of those in Amaurot, especially those closely tied to the creation of arts:
He is the author of many and more of the oldest pieces of poetry, the rhymes and rhythms that those across shards remember but cannot place the beginning of. While most of it has been recreated and credited to others across the history of the shards, many of them echo what was once common reading in the Ancients.
He and Azem had a bond like no other. While they traveled on occasion, Svalinn held little power - metaphorically or literally - to truly embark on his own. He wished to see the world, but feared weighing down the one truly meant to do so: and as a result, he wrote.
Most of his works are wholly inspired by the traveler themselves and the tales they shared with him, and are - to everyone but himself - blatantly things created from love, both of them and of the world itself.
While he has likely been invited to speak at conferences or contribute to the Bureau on an official manner, Svalinn has consistently refused to be recognized officially as anything but a man with too many words and not enough time. Words had little reason to be called his own when anyone else could have pulled them together just the same, he would say sheepishly, and that was that.
(If Azem asked nicely, he may, eyes closed and voice but a whisper, recite the ones he has memorized, the ones that remind him the most of the being that, to him, walked among the very stars and hung the sun in the sky. But only if they asked.)
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it'd take a very specific set of (non-game canon/personal oli backstory, so it'd never actually happen in a playthrough except for Science) events happening in a very short, very specific time frame, but there's a very slim chance oli would help astarion ascend
it's a sad, intensely selfish moment of 'if i don't give him what he's asking of me, he'll leave me, and i don't want to lose this' for an otherwise selfless person. the lives of the spawn, well, he's often been told -- from an early age -- that he's ruined lives by virtue of existing (which is why he must give everything of himself to others, to make up for that.) theirs are just more lives he's ruined. of course, he'll beat himself to shit over it over the years until he becomes numb to it, but still...
but. anyway. that's just a preface to me saying that, holy shit, i think oli with an ascended!astarion would become some kind of criminal mastermind, lmao.
astarion's manipulative one-on-one and shit, sure, but the guy barely thinks even half a step ahead. even with the power he wields, he's not gonna rule shit if he just runs on impulse. oliver's only real sense of worth comes from being useful to people, and astarion wants to rule the world and cover it with darkness, etc.... so he'd take it upon himself to become the 'brains' of the operation, even if he maybe doesn't do so consciously or deliberately?
i don't know. this is a half-developed thought and i'm still trying to pin down oli's character in this universe anyway, lol, so who knows
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I would post more anaroceit things if only they weren’t so out of character and weirdly specific to me and my experiences with my partners and did not fit those assholes, we just project on them due to admittedly tragic character flaws within ourselves.
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