#I listen to warrior cats videos whenever I need to post something

[f0xgl0v3]

New Rome, maybe? Working on a map, Sobbing in the back rooms-

Summary; I lie about talking about anything of substance, and am thinking about starting a companion in character blog, I’m caving on my plushie obsession, I lie about what I’m gonna post about because it’s gonna be Dakota or the Dionysus twins

I’m tired and slightly unhinged while writing this, but so far I’ve made a total of 5 maps roughly, of various designs of Camp Jupiter. I still have to actually uh, make a proper map; but then I’d have to decide what actually everything was looking like, buildings, how training actually works in CJ and where that takes place; etc, etc. anyway I’m not here to sob over that (yet- especially after I’m doing the whole ‘but what if it was more alike to the og legion??’ Shtick)

But for now I’m gonna talk a little about my concepts for and what we know about New Rome, layout, buildings, and other things based on a mix of various canon maps, actual historical records of Roman city structure, general assumption, and descriptions of New Rome (mostly that would be from SoN and MoA i think- I’ll have to go re-read the New Rome parts respectively before I begin layout work-)

HOWEVER,

I’m going to start a notebook specifically for the documentation and my thought process of the whole New Rome/Camp Jupiter/PJO-verse?? Re-imagining. And I’ll probably begin reporting back on my findings and post on the actual jumbled ideas for this because instead of working on that fun little thing where I re-imagine how the seven plot works (because that means I’d inject a extra book in there and I’d actually sob if I’d have to re-read HoO because I only finished it in August of this year and the rate at which I got through books was disproportionate, please I finished SoN in one day then it took me 2 months to finish MoA-)

But yes, New Rome New Rome- there are very certain things I’d want to settle out. Or for right now at least, before I through my self back into designing a city-

Both the Chariot racing, and Gladiator battles for war games take place in New Rome, as the respective areas for each are hosted in New Rome. I’d imagine that New Rome have their celebrity athletes inside of the modern Rome society of people that play classical Roman sports/games. I have been working with the assumption that both Camp and New Rome have some form of a ‘Forum’ area- in the most basic idea of a Forum area for Camp; I’m looking into making a good balance of how I want Camp to be made so I might change any of that- we’d just have to see.

Okay, okay, but the important things!

I might make a different blog in rp for my character Mercury (or I posted her as Calliope, but I guess she’ll never escape being named after Gods- though Mercedes or Sicily are still name options and I’m getting off topic-) just for the actual official; formatted ideas for New Rome and Camp Jupiter. I’d probably present it as ‘oh this blog is for New Legionnaires/ young citizens in New Rome waiting to join the Legion’ and would present my thoughts more coherently.

Basically here is where the goopy thinking parts of making the ideas would be; whereas over there would be where you would get the actual information (I might also finish the notion page I was working on but that one genuinely hurt my soul to repeatedly work in and on)

But I dunno; I got the idea from a separate blog that I just followed (I’ll link it after I post it so I get this right, @new-rome-historians-association the actual inspiration for the companion blog )and it seems like a fun idea, but I don’t know if people would be interested as it is purely fannon.

Anyway; I’ll get either that CJ fatal flaw PT. 2 post up finally, a Luke Castellan thing, maybe the Gods, or Octavian

ALSO IM GETTING THE WOLF PUP BUILD-A-BEAR, I CAVED; HIS NAME IS AUGUSTUS BUT WE CALL HIM GUS- ILL SHOW PICS WHEN HE ARRIVES!!

Okay, byeee :3

[legendofzoodles]

The Chain in an Escape Room

Crackpot modern AU version of this post. 

Time helped set this up as a team-building exercise and starts regretting it seconds after the door shuts behind them. He knows most of the solutions and tries to hint at them as a passive observer but lord help him no one listens. Or if they do it’s in the complete opposite way he meant. Trying to keep things together is outside his range of skills, so whatever happens, happens. 

Warriors bragged that a friend of his did it and it was super easy, but doesn’t end up contributing much. In fact he’s the opposite of helpful. He would call the friend who’s completed it for ‘hints’, but would end up having them tell him everything and use that knowledge to mess with the team. Adding red herrings and false clues, drawing attention away from the real solutions and more importantly, wasting time. Don’t worry, the rest eventually catch on and end him, if Time doesn’t put a stop to it first.   

Twilight would be the theorist. He doesn’t actually try anything or do anything practical, he’ll just throw ideas out there based off the most irrelevant stuff and look for a deeper meaning in everything he sees. “Is that painting of a cat playing with string a clue?” “This shelf is missing a ledge could that mean something?” “That mirror has a crack in it...maybe...”

Sky, bless him, will leave helpful notes for the next group of people. He’ll have post-it notes out and ready (just because), so whenever the chain finally makes a breakthrough he’ll jot it down and leave it somewhere not to obvious. He’d also write down little compliments and motivating things like: “You can do it!” and “Almost there!” though it would get confusing when they inevitably backtrack:

Legend: [picking up a post-it note] Guys I found clue!

Note: You look nice today! :)

Legend: [scrunching it up] Dammit Sky!

Legend, will hoard anything and everything he thinks ‘might’ be useful. That random chess piece, that picture frame, maybe those marbles, all vital items. The others will help him break stuff without him even needing to ask. So long as they’re not damaging anything too expensive, Time will allow it. 

Wild will take pictures, selfies and videos of everyone suffering. He wouldn’t help since Time won’t let him cheat or break themselves out, so he’ll just enjoy himself by documenting the chaos for everyone to look back on and cringe. Or maybe he’ll live-stream the whole thing to his 10 followers.

Four will constantly remind people of the time. If they’re taking too long on a puzzle he’ll be literally counting down the seconds insisting they think faster. He won’t take any kind of goofing around because that’s wasting valuable time. When they do eventually figure something out he’ll be the one to lament how easy it was and how it shouldn’t have taken them that long.

Hyrule, the oddball, will try to get into the mind of the creators. Start psychoanalysing them from the word ‘go’, and try to figure out the thought process that went behind the puzzles. He’ll look at suspiciously places objects and clues and think, “That has Time written all over it” or “Yeah I can see him doing that”. When that predictably fails, because he’s terrible at it, he’ll ask Time roundabout questions to try and see into his mind. That doesn’t work either. 

Wind, when he isn’t co-hosting Wild’s livestream, helping Warriors mess with the chain or collecting items for Legend’s hoard, like the tiny gremlin he is, will be opening the nearest window and screaming for help into the street. 

This, to Time’s horror, actually works and a random pedestrian hears the boy and calls the fire brigade thinking they were actually trapped in the building. 

~~~

Thanks for reading!

Masterlist 

Headcanons: Parkour team, Honorary Gorons, How each member of the chain laughs, Flora is Feral, Is Malon Real?

AU Ideas: Midsommar AU, Hyrule centric idea

Short Stories: Smoke Signal (LU Wild x reader), Ancient Masonry (Sky and Wild), Blunt Crown (Wild and Flora)

[cotccotc]

SKZ + a ftm s/o !!

 ◌ ftm (female-to-male) refers to a transgender person who was assigned female at birth, but identifies as male. these people are awesome, lovely, brave, & valid !! (yes that’s part of the official definition !!!! look it up <3)

part of my eight as fate event !! ( requested by @lixsmullet​ ♡ )

genre/s: fluff, skz x ftm reader

warning/s: mentions of dysphoria, mentions of periods, one very brief implication of transphobia (NOT IN REFERENCE TO THE MEMBERS DW), use of various pet names, swearing, my dumb formatting and commentary uwu

wc: ~1.5k

a/n: i hope i did this req justice !!! i made sure to do a lot of research on topics that might come up in this situation so i hope everything is accurate, but also inclusive for multiple types of people within the ftm umbrella. the descriptions might not be too deep but pls know they were written with a lot of care. OH ALSO i included potential pet names they might use !! i really really hope y’all enjoy this :) lmk what u think !!

◌ CHAN

chan’s known for putting other people’s needs before his own, and this is no exception.

he’d be super giving !!! would buy you “world’s best boyfriend” mugs and shit !!! it’s cringe but you love him so it’s fine !!!

more on top of your doctors appointments or meds than you are tbh

boy oh boy… if you take/decide to start taking testosterone……

LOOK OUT HERE COMES THE T POLICE KJDF

he just wants to do everything he can to help you !!!!! whether it means literally helping you stay on top of things and being your at-home (emotional) therapist, or giving you space.

i feel like he’s very good at detecting how a person feels based on their face or body language, so he’d always be on the lookout in case you might be feeling off or dysphoric.

and, as much as it might pain him, he’d give you as much time/space as you need. once again, he has your best interest in mind 24/7 !!! he just loves you so much, you know? 🥺

potential pet names (as long as you’re ok with them !! that goes for each member.): babyboy (we saw this one coming), foxy/sexy (mostly sarcastic but also… True), sunshine

◌ MINHO

a thing that i personally love to imagine: minho introducing you to people as his boyfriend

if anybody ever gives either of you a questioning look afterward (either intentionally or not) he wouldn’t waver at all !!! he’d just stand there and keep smiling. because you’re his boyfriend, duh

constantly reminds you how strong you are !! how super tough and cool you are !!! because it’s true !!!!!!!

i feel like i always make him sound like the ceo of Boyfriend Bootcamp in my reactions but i MEAN???

for example, if you’re ever feeling down (for whatever reason. whether it applies to you being trans or not) he’d be like “MAN UP !!! YOU’RE A WARRIOR !!!! ……. a cute one <3333 bUT A STRONG ONE !!!!!!”

in general, i definitely see him as the type of person who’ll just grab your hand or hold you a little closer in situations where he thinks you might feel uncomfortable, and even if he doesn’t directly acknowledge it, you know there’s a lot of love and care behind the gesture.

also… you’re sad? here, hold a cat.

potential pet names: stud (as a joke.. but it stuck), anything that starts with “my” (like my boy, my baby, my love, etc.)

◌ CHANGBIN

ok listen

i’m not calling changbin lazy

HOWEVER

he will most definitely try and make you do “manly” things for him when he doesn’t feel like it- SJDJJ

imagine his raspy, tough, yet adorably whiny voice being all:

“BAAAABE…. BABYYYYYY….. come lift this fOR MEEEEEEEE”

ESPECIALLYYYY if you’re taller than him oh my Lord

BUT HE’D DENY IT AT ALL COSTS !!!

changbin, pointing to an object on a tall shelf: “BABE can you get this for me? you’re so strong you can do it <3333”

you: “short ass-”

changbin: “hEY”

ALSO if you menstruate, i personally believe that he would be very comforting to have around during that time !!!!! just chillin on the couch !!!!!! vibin !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

your very own personal heating pad <33 jksjfd

potential pet names: babe, bunny, hot stuff (sometimes used for moments of sarcasm !!! there are lots of those..)

◌ HYUNJIN

he’s very sweet and loving with you, which never changes despite anything you might be going through. like ,,,ever.

i can see him being especially sweet and helpful for someone who doesn’t want to or can’t surgically transition !!!!

would do everything he could to emphasize the fact that you’re his favorite boy !!!!

whether it’s through activities, pet names, playful jokes, etc., he always wants to remind you how manly and lovely you are !! lolll

i present to you a thought that just popped up in my head and Will Not Leave:

you might normally be the little spoon, but if you ever feel a bit off about your body or just don’t want to be held, THIS BOY WILL GET CURLED UP IN A LITTLE SPOON POSITION FOR YOU !! SO VERY FAST !!!

(is it also an excuse for him to be the little spoon? yeah maybe it is-)

potential pet names: hubby (regardless of whether or not you’re married sjdsdf), prince, things that start with “my”

◌ JISUNG

asks lots of questions !!!!!!! whenever he’s not sure how to proceed with something or has any general questions about being trans or how to support you, he’ll be completely transparent with you about it.

even though it makes him a lil embarrassed 🥺🥺

will overuse the terms “dude” and “bro” just to make you laugh… but you both know there’s a hidden underlayer of validation there

loves cheering you up when you’re not feeling your best !!!

also ,,,,,,Youtube Research Enthusiast

“hey y/n check this out! let’s try it :D” and it’s a two minute video about how to naturally lower your voice

and you go along with it because a.) he’s cute for suggesting it, b.) it could actually be useful, and c.) he’ll look cute stretching his neck for a few minutes and it would be a valuable use of your time to watch him do it <3 jsjdfh

oh also !!!! we know he’s just Like This anyways, but he will indeed take every chance he gets to kiss random parts of your body like your hands, shoulders, the tip of your nose, and anything else you’re comfy with :) he just likes 2 smooch, what can i say?

potential pet names: anything silly !! bubba, baby/babycakes, good lookin’, etc.

◌ FELIX

this is somewhat similar to what i’d suggested in my nonbinary coming out reaction, but i feel like he’d take a lot of care to make you feel more confident in yourself !!!

especially when it comes to your appearance !!!!! if you ever decide to try out a new hairstyle, different clothing, etc., he’d HYPE YOU UPPPPP omg

you: *exists*

felix: *silly smirk* “my handsome boy.. hehe” 🥺

bakes for u !!!!!!! will come over asap with freshly baked cookies if he even senses you might not be feeling your best !!!!!!!!!!!!!

we all know he’s a real cuddlebug, but since you’ve explained dysphoria to him (to the best of your ability), it’s very important to him that he doesn’t overstep with the physical affection

he might also suggest you use a code word or gesture to signify if it’s ok for him to get all close and cuddly with you !! he knows you have your off days, and the last thing he wants to do is emphasize your insecurities.

he loves you more than anything, and he just wants to see you smile :)

potential pet names: handsome, love, sweets (bc ya know,,, brownie boy things <3)

◌ SEUNGMIN

would regularly spend hours and hours doing research on trans rights, different forms of transitioning, other people’s perspectives (both in his position and yours), etc

honestly i wouldn’t be surprised if he posted some questions on a website like reddit or quora or something from time to time SJDK (but eventually he’d be much more comfortable asking you directly, especially since he knows not every person is the same)

he really just wants to make sure he understands how you feel to the best of his ability in order to best care for you !!!

VERY VERY diligent if he has to adjust to new pronouns. would practice that shit like it’s his JOB.

i think he’d just be very scared of screwing something up, which you might have to console him about from time to time.

you know he’s trying his best to a.) not make this about himself and b.) do everything in his power to support you

sorta similarly to changbin, i think he’d be nice to have around if you’re ever on your period !! overall, this boy would do his RESEARCH

potential pet names: baby, mister (for some playful sarcasm), bear (or baby bear, honey bear, etc.)

◌ JEONGIN

if you’re ever feeling dysphoric, depressed, anxious, or generally not the best, he will do WHATEVER IT TAKES to cheer you up.

you: :(

jeongin: “ok fine you have permission to poke my cheeks all day”

you: :D

jeongin: :D

is also very similar to changbin !!!!! he’ll very dramatically give up on a task that requires even the slightest bit of manliness just so you can do it for him…. because he’s laz- i mean thoughtful <33

ok picture something with me besties (and this is quite random so bear with me):

he buys you cologne. cute !! very sweet of him yes <3 …...but the Backstory-

he had No idea what kind to get, so he went to the store and tried on like 10 different kinds until he realized he could just swatch them on a piece of paper so now he’s covered in cologne and he buys the one he thought was his favorite but he comes home to realize it was the WRONG ONE so he has to go back to the store and test them all again until he finds the one

..all just so he could surprise you & make you feel more masculine :’)

anyways LONG STORY SHORT: innie best boy :D

potential pet names: bun (in reference to bread, of course. you must match.), handsome, sexy (BUT ONLY IF YOU SAY IT RIGHT BACK !!!!!! sexy loaf boyfriends aw <3)

tags: @stayndays, @hanniiesuckle17, @leggomylino, @freckledberries, @kisskissbanggang, @mr-jisung-main, @childofthecosmos, @kpopscape, @skzwriternet, @hyunsins, @sleepylixie, @sunshine-skz, @vera-liscious, @thatrandomoneinthecorner, @cyberskz​, @seungminsaidsta, @somethingrandomworld, @ethan806 ( join my tag list !! )

©️ cotccotc 2021 ~ all rights reserved. do not repost my work on tumblr or other platforms.

[thestudyfeels]

How To NOT Be Depressed.

(Or If You Prefer — How to Be Substantially Happy About Life.) 

WARNING: This is one rollercoaster ride of a post. Proceed with extreme caution. For some, the staggering levels of insight may induce true purpose and re-establish their warrior spirit. For others, side effects may include grammatically incorrect hate or aloof eyerolls. We advise exiting if the said group includes you, for we're very tired of cleaning vomit off the seats.

Step aboard at your own risk.

If you’re one of the brave souls who stayed back to join us, I congratulate you for even I am scared of how crazy this post truly is. Alrighty then, kick back and relax folks, today we’re having a mature, adult conversation. Merely another cheery afternoon spent talking about life and its realities. Not too bad, eh?

Before we begin, spoiler alert! For those of you already turned off by the mention of 'depression’ and packing their bunnies to leave, sit tight. This ISN'T really about depression. This is about HAPPINESS. No clickbait. That got your attention, right butterfly? Nice, now stay.

A welcoming, maybe demanding A/N: Do me a favor and read this in one go. Maybe even plug in those headphones and listen to the songs dedicated to each part as you read. It's long, you have the new Riverdale episode to catch up on, but don't hop away just yet because (I had a couple moments writing this, alright) it's life changing. You'll prolly cry a few tears of realization, nod all nod-able body parts in agreement, beat your chest at random instants 'cause the hype’s too real, and perhaps, if it isn’t too much to hope for, finally go change your life for the better. In case you've forgotten, this'll remind you that there’s always hope, that you're a born conqueror, and you were made to THRIVE, not survive. Convinced? Kay, roll the cams.

   To clarify first-hand, no, I'm not depressed although I’ve experienced mild depression for a period before. Glad to say I'm out of it but I still struggle with tackling what I'm about to detail next.

Insert bitter voice, it’s this: My life is nowhere near I want it to be. Though I know vaguely what I wanna do, I haven't yet figured out how the hell I’m supposed to get there, or how my dream life is to be sketched out. It’s all a blurry mess. Which, to put it bluntly, hurts. I HATE feeling powerless and worthless, roaming about aimlessly.

There are many such moments where I hit the brakes to wonder why I’m not living THE Life already. There have been several times when I curl up and cry a frickin’ Amazon. There are horrible nights where I'm shaking with emotions, but they won't release, leaving me choked. (…not in that way, you hoes. Um, just ruined the dramatic mood with a lame dirty joke, sorry.)

   They say talking helps and that's why I figured I'd drop in. But perhaps more importantly, I wanted to hang because no matter how unfocused the lens may seem at my future, I don't consider myself a dopey loser incapable of the crazy dreams or wild bucket lists I fantasize about– and I thought I'd skip along to remind you that neither should you. (Or maybe I just came to sniff the new appetizers, who knows?)

PS: I also broke a sweat listing six ways to get outta depression– alternatively, to be more of a conqueror– because y'all are always pestering me with asks that go “how do I conquer omg send supplies” (Like, imagine a conqueror saying that! Oh, the crime, the atrocity!)

So yes, you're welcome. Have a feast with this litness.  

The main reason behind people being so frightfully sad, I’ve found, is a huge lack of fulfillment. We don't do what we love, for either— [ 1 ] we aren’t living life the way we want to (since we keep doing things we feel we're supposed to do) OR [ 2 ] because Mama, Papa and Mrs. Carter next door feel that struggling is the only way, and project their traditional beliefs onto us. Either way, whether or not we consciously realize this, subconsciously, we're all hurting because of it. Badly.

That lingering feeling of emptiness never seems to leave. You feel drained every night when you drop into bed, not because you gave it your all, but because you couldn't. And so, we do the next best thing. Drugs. Maybe not literally, but figuratively. We numb out this subconscious pain by binge watching Netflix shows. We deaden ourselves to that discomfort by reading smut in the bathroom or by playing dumb video games all day. We try (and fail) to extinguish this feeling of not ‘being enough’ by having silly flings or fake friendships.

And ultimately, we NUMB ourselves out to LIFE for we can't bear to live the way we're living. There's a reason why “How to Stop Procrastinating” posts are so popular (they’re a blogger’s most foolproof way of paying the month’s rent, and yes, even I'm guilty of a couple). We’re constantly having FOMO and tuning into others' highlights on social media– completely missing out on our own lives in the process. We fail to realize that the culprit is lack of genuine purpose more than zero self-control (or maybe it’s both, but that’s a tale for another day).

[On a side note, obviously I did generalize a bit– video games can be a passion for you, watching shows a way of winding down. But for most, they’re only DISTRACTIONS, just another way of ignoring the calls of life by hanging up the phone.]

   And here's the bitter truth about depression: The longer you wait to start living authentically, the more you start tuning out the inner cries wanting change, the faster your dreams start to ebb away, and the more you'll want to become insignificant. And to me, that's the scariest part of this journey to my dream life.

Nothing frightens me more than knowing that the moment I stop pushing, the very moment I give in to distractions and fears, my goals will stop manifesting themselves and I'll be stuck in this small town with its small people eternally. And THAT, I'm certain, won't be any more fun than working your way through a soggy ham sandwich, ironic as soggy is what life has become. (Yes, I have a thing against soggy sandwiches. They were a kid's worst lunch nightmare.)

   If you relate, and I’m sure you do (it’s probably why you stopped scrolling through cheesy fanfic for ten minutes to read this, I know you amigo) — here are six ways to NOT be depressed. Or more accurately, to gift wrap yourself some sweet ol’ happiness.

You're a Samurai and the Following Be Your Katanas —

Hol’ up. The second you reach the End Card, I want you to drop your Cheerios and implement at least THREE of these six strategies. Just follow the Takeaways, I've made this really simple. And as a rule, one of them has to be this one. (Look, don't whine. If you wanna climb outta that dark hole, you gotta put in some effort. So pop that booty, and let’s get down to business!)

Here’s the most truthful, though cheesy thing I’ll ever say: I would be nowhere I am today without this blog. If not for it, I would most likely be weeping in a dug-out hole somewhere, drowning in my salty little pond of tears and chiming every loser’s favorite words (“there's no point”). Creating this blog gave me a definite purpose – putting out fiery content, dipping myself deep into my newly found passion for writing and influencing, and connecting with other conquerors on the platform.  

I meet a lot of folks, whether at Sad School, Mouldy Mall, or Boring Bus stop, who always seem to be in a state of death-inducing boredom. When asked about their favorite thing to do, they’ll mumble “sleep” or “food” like Siri narrating your cat’s evening routine. And then you see adults, dragging through life mindlessly. Utterly clueless, floating like a piece of driftwood in an ocean bubbling with life. My sympathy quota gets overdosed everytime I think about it.

   To spell it out, find something to do. Anything! Learn a language, try some ballet, take pictures of your neighbor's rose garden, make an art piece and show it to your mom, stitch buttons onto shirts for fun, heck, make an entire shirt out of buttons, take a break from reading smut to write your own, frutify your farts, WHATEVER, just get up and move.

And here’s why – nay, not to keep you engaged or make you feel less worthless, not that bullcrap. It’s to put in gear the journey of figuring out what is the shite that you love doing. Too often we get stuck thinking about what our oh-so-great passion is. Get this, passion is energy. A spark for something. A magical fortune cookie which, when cracked, seems to explain everything, gives you the very reason for being alive. You can only feel that fire, that wild love, when you actually do it. So get cracking is all I’ll say!

Takeaway:

Attempt something. Nah, scratch that, imagine you’re in a sweet shop with shelves lined with free samples and try everything. Pick up that Polaroid cam, take that dreaded history course, buy that children’s cooking kit– in short, start working. Pull out all the stops, get curious, and get creative. In the process, if you promise to try hard enough, you WILL (money back guarantee) find out what makes your little heart burst with mad happiness and would willingly do for free, if needed, because you really are that crazy about it. And that, my dear, will be your oh-so-great-indeed passion. Have no doubt, you’ll never be “bored” again.

Real talk, having a dream is a big deal. And unfortunately, I’ve witnessed, rarely anyone has one to begin with. They’re either more dead than the cheap skeleton I bought for Halloween or believe they have a dream, but in reality, it belongs to mom, dad, or Uncle Sammy. Listen, doing something for someone you love (my Uncle Sammy used to supply me with cold cash whenever he came around, loved that guy) is great! YET, if you’re willing to throw away your life to fulfill others’ expectations, convincing yourself it's because they love you, even when YOUR lonely heart craves bigger things than just a marketing job, then you, my friend? Are the biggest fool. Don’t get offended, we both know it, this girl needn't ramble.

Recently, my relatives were over (nope, sadly not Uncle Sammy) and my cousin and I had a chat about life (correct, I grab every opportunity to do so). It wasn't very exciting I must say, he kept staring off into the distance (I wonder why), but what he SAID is what I'll talk about. After I’d gushed about my dreams, he asked skeptically if being an influencer would still be an ambition two years from now when I graduate. I raised my eyebrows, mock hurt, like eff you son, I ain’t giving up on my dreams! But that question got me thinking.

Life is wild. Unpredictable. An unexpected call, a single person, a random BLOG POST (cough) – can turn your life upside down, sometimes in the affirmative, other times not. This variability of life isn’t uncommon, and everyone experiences some part of it– unpaid student loans, failing startups, talent and art going unnoticed in industries dominated by wealth and connections, you name it. If all of that doesn’t make you run for the Himalayas and abandon any dreams, throw in a quick side dish of dysfunctionale famiglia with a sprinkle of self-image issues.

It ain’t easy, darling. The world is one cruel headmistress; it loves slapping awake the daydreamers and wishful thinkers. That hasn't ever actually stopped the dropouts and class clowns from building castles in the air though. And the common blueprint you notice they follow? Let me introduce you to…  Madness. Obsession. Maniacal obsession, to say. (Yes, I'm done playing with my words.)

   I struggled writing this point. A pestering voice in my head kept mumbling – They'll go back to doing the same sad shit anyway. Um, does anyone even read your posts? Lol, call yourself an influencer, hun. Hesitation started creeping in. Then the irony of the situation struck me. I laughed, shook my head and got back to typing.

We ran out of juicy gossip weeks ago, so here’s your tea served cold: insecurities and self doubt WILL get in the way. That whiny voice was just a mild version of what you face when you go all in. Fear traps you in its cage, and those who prattled behind your back now progress to talking shit in your face. Criticism and self doubt resurfaces, so unless your defenses are strong, you'll be crushed. Destroyed REAL quick.

When hell breaks loose (oh honey, and it WILL), your self defense comprising of maniacal obsession must be well learnt. Let them attack, mock, heck, drag you away from the desk and hurl you at the top of a damn mountain, but you better STILL hike back down, show them the middle finger, and continue working. That's how bulletproof you've gotta be. That's how madly do you have to love your dreams. And if you really think this will be a cake walk or want to continue complaining about Stuart being born with a silver spoon, hop off the train already. Your destination isn't on the tour list.

Look, my dreams terrify me. But they certainly make me feel more alive than complying with what every parent said about getting good grades and holding together a roof on my head. My ambitions set me free, give me a reason to fucking live. And yet, every now and then, something makes me question them. A fear engulfs me, some doubter proclaims I suck, someone I love is so blinded they can't see my vision. And that's okay. My defenses are way stronger. The next day rolls round, and you'll find me hustling again, thriving again. All because I know that even if no one reads my posts (the worst case scenario, I know y'all love me lol), someday in the future, someone will. I know that even if I’m not an influencer yet, if just one reader becomes a conqueror because of my words, it would be a win. A big win. I'd have done my job. All because I’m wildly, yes maniacally, obsessed with my dreams.

So hey, cousin? This influencer thing? This will be my dream long after I've graduated. Till the day I die, and maybe even then I'll rise from my grave to give a dead pal a lively pep talk. My watchtower has just been upgraded, so thank u, next.

Takeaway: 

“General, we've arrived!” Finally! Position those cannons, Martha, let’s talk them through the defenses. All aboard? AHOY MATEY! (wait, that was one for the pirates). Step one, dare to create a dream in your mind’s eye. The bigger, the crazier, and the scarier, the better. Doesn’t matter how impossible it is, don’t care how many voice their opinion against it, just imagine, keep a million possibilities in mind.

Once you see the life you truly want (you’ll know, everything will seem to zing)— have a sip. Become OBSESSED for that life. Thirst after that vision, itch to manifest it, and pine for the satisfaction that’ll come to your soul once it’s made a reality. Fall madly in love with the process and how magical it feel when you do it. And THEN, bellow a loud war cry and charge headfirst into battle, shields held high at all the criticisms. We conquerors never cared much for them anyway.

(play ♬) Picture this: forehead stamped with beads of sweat. Calloused hands working their fingers to the bone and eyebrows furrowed in deep concentration. Conjure an image where powerful beats are pulsing hard in your ears, synced with your own elevated heartbeats, and you’re thriving. Performing. Winning. Guess the secret to that? Preparation. Champions prepare. You can’t throw anything to the winds or rely on ‘luck’ or chance to conquer.

Tough days are in everyone’s calendar, be it your extra cheerful neighbor, Sally, or lone wolf classmate, Derrick. We’ve all found ourselves sulking over an awful situation, scooping into mint ice cream to forget mistakes, errands, and ghosting exes. Yet guess what? The solution isn’t the proclaimed “be positive!” or “It all happens for a reason, don’t you worry” - the key is coming up with a method to dodge the discouraging effect these hiccups have on us.   

So every bad day, I bring out a mason jar containing a knot of chits and one secret letter which is, on most days, kept hidden on the top shelf of my cupboard. I make myself comfortable on the bed, read all my bits of paper carefully, including the letter addressed to yours truly, close my eyes, and mentally fight back whatever’s bringing me down.

A short while later, I get up, now a warrior, and go slay the rest of the day like it was my last one on this planet. That jar is my jar. A Conqueror’s jar. One look at those powerful reminders, and I’m grounded once again, the beast within me now unleashed to kill.

Takeaway:

Honey, go get yourself a jar. Along with some papyrus and ink. Then start jotting down. Document past victories, future visions, fears that mean zilch to the person you’re about to become, batty goals you’ve still gotta chase, reminders that the majority will never understand what it is you’re tryna do here, and how that’s perfectly alright 'cause you'll find your conquerors, your squad one day. Create your victory jar. And then go knock ‘em down dead. Bad days stand no chance against you. You’re a winner, a fucking rebel. Go take what’s yours.

Y’know, I’m perfectly aware that many muggles reading this will whine that dealing with depression ain’t no piece o’ pie and it’s hella hard to get up and take the crown when you feel like a pile of dino dung.

Stop it. Get some help. (See what I did? Like Michael- ok ok, calm thyself.) For real though, and I’m tired of repeating this with my kitten stamped microphone (but I’ll keep at it ‘cause it’s that significant) – whining is WORTHLESS. It saps up precious energy that could be used to make life a scrumptious smoothie. (Loothie? As in life + smoothie? Right, yes, I’m shutting up.)

And even THEN, we find denizens complaining about slow WiFis and thin crust pizzas and how the market’s down and the government’s incompetent. Because blabbering makes us feel important. Heard. But keeping yo’ trap shut and actually doing stuff? Hustling for your dreams when nobody’s watching? Actually walking the talk? C’mon, Emma, don't be naive, ain’t nobody getting recognition for that.

Trust me, I get it. The world is yet to become a feminist, turns out your boyfriend was cheating on you while you were looking up wedding dresses, mommy’s a drunk loser, and idiots are being voted into office. It’s a lot to handle. But thanks to our immense and ever increasing population (we folks really love our rumpy pumpy, can you tell) — there will surely be one chum, facing exactly the same misfortunes as you, but still turning up at every party and bulk-spamming his friends with puppy pictures while you sit and wail. (One Moaning Myrtle is enough, thank you very much.)

Look, I’m not undermining your worries or obstacles. I’m only reminding that you have the marvelous choice of positivity. To CHOOSE hope and a better future when others won't. To FIND (and it's always possible) something to look forward to even when the to-do’s a big snore. To KNOW, deep inside, that you're a magnificent conqueror, no matter what mess you’re in at the moment, and that the world dances to your rhythm. Realise that it's up to you to let yourself be happy. At any moment, you have the very say-so to get up and start rocking. Dumbledore said it himself, “It is our choices, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.” So choose better, and you’ll unconsciously do better as well. And yes, that being said, this is the last HP reference, don't fret. Be positive instead. (Edit: Ha, look at these quips, the girl's all grown up now.)

Takeaway: 

Your new occupation is to be a sunflower. If you think back, you'll probably recall Miss Honey rattling on about phototropic movement in AP biology. No? Me neither. Point is, sunflowers always face the sun. Put them ANYWHERE, hide them in the dungeons, throw them in a trash bag and shoot it off to the moon, they’ll still turn around and face the sun. No matter what. And taking inspo from that, you too can stop scripting creative soliloquies for being depressed. Happiness is YOUR right, YOUR priority, don't let anyone take it away from you or diminish its importance. DON’T let sadness ruin your vibe, do what you've gotta do to protect yourself. Track happiness in yo’ journal, set 84 reminders on your phone, and tattoo “Long as you’re beaming up at the sun, all the shadows will be left behind” on your boobs. Do whatever, just don’t turn the corners of your mouth down. You’re so pretty this way.

The other day, I was doing the deathly Plié Alternative Heel Lifts (these names, I swear) and my legs felt dead. Gone. Put to sleep like the Wicked Witch of the East. Now obviously, the timer wasn’t not even halfway done yet, but my cheeks were already flushing red like dear Santa, and NOT because I was high on choco chip cookies. I sighed, and at that point, I was so over giving up. All this while, I’d been whining and protesting because my muscles felt sore, but in that moment, I made up my mind. I bit my lip and kept going. On and on. Keep pulsing, you got it, don't stop, was the mantra I kept chanting.

   Won’t sugarcoat it, I honestly hadn’t died this much since that time Miss Honey buried me alive with trig assignments. My legs were now basically Play-doh and I was shaking, fighting for balance. A few seconds in though, something crazy happened. My legs went numb. My grumbling mind quietened and the pain vanished. That evening, I had the upper hand, not my physical perceptions of myself. I was powerful. Flawless. (Hey Santa, do you even lift bro?) Real talk, I was in the Zone, bitches.

I’m not sure if that was the result of excessive pain or because Wonder Woman’s spirit possessed ma bod, but staying loyal to my love for metaphors, I’ll use the experience to explain what I’m tryna get at here.

   Look, here’s the real deal — if all of the greats gave up the second things got frowny, we probably would have no one to worship. Nix role models, nix inspirations, none to stalk on Insta - we’d all be bumbling about like Sad from the even sadder Emoji movie (no shade, emojis be lit).

And that'd be very sad (pun definitely intended). Hence, cue some tangible ways to boosting your grit, so that you can be your own superhero:

1) Get yo’self a goddamn motto,

2) Know your “Why,”

3) Repeat the cycle till it’s in your blood. Btw, Shawn, if you here, I’m still a single pringl—HEY PAL I SEE YOU, DON'T SCROLL.

Seriously, don't brush these prime steps aside. We're always going for the advanced modes, and deeming these basic levels a waste of time. Well guess what, compadre, YOUR LIFE IS A GODDAMN WASTE O’ TIME IF YOU DON'T HAVE YOUR BASICS RIGHT. Excuse my outburst, but listen. You can’t do a hundred bicep curls on your first workout if you haven't lifted anything more than a crisps packet. Likewise, if you simply jump into Life one day, and decide “ok, here it is, 12 habits to build, sleep schedule to fix, man to ask out, let's go,” you ain't getting nowhere, chum. Start small. Take baby steps. It's clearly not as fun (definitely negates the bragging on Facebook part of it) but it'll stick. You’ll create a consistency that not even Grandma's cake batter can achieve.

1. Talking mottos — For context, a motto that I always mutter (my mom thinks I'm cursing, oh what a bad child) every time I spill milk while making coffee is “Do more. Give more. BE more.” Not only does it help me stay right on track for the rest of the day but it helps me clean up my mess, figuratively and otherwise, or I’d just be sitting in a puddle of spilt milk, cursing adulting for real this time and with more laundry to do.

2. Why you need the Big Why — Owning up, I’m guilty of attempting to learn Welsh for less than 48 hours because I hadn't a single reason to speak the language. A similar thing happened with half of my 2018 resolutions, which had a bunch of rubbish like “Floss daily”, something my eyes got trained to skip because, um, who the hell flosses every day?

Lame humor aside, I still workout almost daily because I have my Why straight. 1) I want to feel good about my body and get closer to the confident badass I envision my future self to be, 2) I simply HAVE to sustain my health to live to build my legacy and fulfill my dreams of opening a bakery at 90 and 3) Because I’m an influencer, and want to walk my talk and be the inspiration people need. Those are the reasons as to why I turn up to my yoga mat everyday, shut my jabbering mind, and keep on pulsing. This “Why” strategy applies to everything. Wanna get outta depression? Why? Wanna lose 20 pounds? Why? Wanna listen to your dentist’s desperate pleadings and floss already? WHY EH? Unless you know your intentions, you’ll give up at the first chance you get to not act on your goals. And watch out, because there'll be a LOT of those.

For me, leaving a legacy behind means more than having a slice of cake or missing a workout because there’s a fun movie playing. Find what's important to YOU, make it your why, and go marry your goals.

3. And then, Repeat — Bear in mind, if you're not living your best life yet, there are NO weekends. NO work-shy days. No weak days, no pick-me-up days, no eat-candy-do-nothing days. Everyday is a damn Monday. EVERYDAY is life or death. Every holy day you wake up is a chance to push your limits, challenge your mindset, and see how far you can go. And every 24 hours, when the cycle starts again, it’s your mission to race to build a stronger, wiser and crazier you.

And who knows, perhaps one day, you and I will just be casually sipping tea in our dream home, laughing at how the milk is still being spilt but knowing, proudly, fiercely, that we’ve come so far, even though there’s still more left to do, more to give and so much more to be.

Takeaway: 

Quit quitting. You're, guaranteed, 20x stronger than you think. I doubted I could go through with the workout, it seemed beyond my present physical capabilities. But I did, because I treated it as life or death. Understand this, the second you start making excuses, for being depressed, for taking an unnecessary day off - you give away your power. You are a very powerful being. You're limitless, capable of everything.

I'm not throwing these words around to make you feel cute, I actually mean AND believe them. There’s so much that's been done already— the iconic four minute mile by Roger Bannister, invention of the light bulb, cars, toothpaste and other junk, people who lost both legs and climbed Mt. Everest, we sent a man to moon in frickin’ 1969 (50 YEARS ago), some ran a 26 mile marathon with zero training, love and hope is still strong in this world, oh let's also add coffee and motivational music— and YOU think you can't finish a workout or get outta depression or meet your idols or marry the man of your dreams or become the artist you wanna be? Ridiculous. Don't give away your power that easily, this ain't no charity shop.

(play ♬) Having personally dealt with unwelcome yet familiar feelings of emptiness quite often, I’ve now reached a point where each bad day is simply a reminder of how long my journey ahead is, and just how badly I want to reach my destination.

We finally near the end of this novel of a post (thanks for sticking around, bud), and my best advice would be this: Rather than wallowing in self pity and throwing one-man parties because your life is so awfully dreadful, know that even when life throws you to the floor, long as you can look up, long as you can read an entire book about defeating depression (cough)– you can GET UP too. Let those emotions of sorrow and frustration blaze up into a roaring, crackling fire that doesn’t consume you, but instead, urges you, fuels you.

Lately, no matter how much shit I go through, how many arguments I tumble into, or how barren my dreams look sometimes, I don’t break down. And no, it wasn't always like this. I never even had aspirations to name two years ago. Six months back, it had become a night routine to cry. Not anymore.

Now, every setback and every failure only pushes me to be stronger and give more than I ever gave. The day I made the decision to Conquer (truly, madly, deeply, with all of my heart) was also the day I said a big, loud ‘fuck you’ to every resistance that was to cross my path. I had finally understood that life was nothing but a battle of WILLS, that it was all in or nothing, and I made up my mind once and for all to NEVER give in to depression, or to society, or to anyone who tells me I cannot make it.

I had conquered depression. There was no looking back now.

Takeaway: 

Here’s something no one will tell you: the key to bringing depression to its knees is seeing it positively. Pretend that it's a friend continuously sending strong, aggressive signals urging you to be happy. And what do you do when a caring friend throws some holy light? You listen, push past your ego, and follow accordingly.

And if that parallel seems unconvincing, here's another one (sup, DJ Khaled. This post is turning musical, sorry): it's scared of you. Depression is scared shit of you. Y'know how bullies are, right? Majorly insecure, self-loathing too perhaps, hardly fans of self love, and always trying to numb all that subconscious pain by inflicting pain on others. Depression has the same instruction manual. Your fears and doubts are your (pathetic) bullies, and depression is the big ol’ crony who does the dirty work for 'em.

Whenever you decide shit this is it, I'm going for it, they go paranoid and try stopping you because they've seen no better. And if they succeed, BOOM, you're depressed, paralyzed, your qualms reigning over you again. Don't let them in. I'll say it a thousand times if I gotta because I want (HAVE) to see you conquer – you're so much stronger than you think you are. You can do so much more than you think. It's all in your head! Don't just sit there, click away, and go back to living a sad life. You’re better than that. DO better than that. You’re meant to freaking CONQUER, straight-up dominate, my pal. Pay heed to that voice craving freedom. You got this. And you better know it.

One thing’s fixed like the (beloved by all) proportionality constants in Physics, you will come across depressing mornings and sluggish evenings even in the future. I assure you. Lots o’ bad hair days in the calendar, sis. But here's what you’ll do: you'll deactivate the miserable thoughts, keep a cool head, remind yourself that this is yet another test (better, rap your new mantra) and USE that hurt, pain, and anger to create a fervor and passion that wreaks havoc on its obstacles and drives you to accomplish EVERYTHING you've ever wanted to do. The easy choice would be to just give up, bellyache about the situation, and want sympathy for your worries. Yet, what you'll never do is… exactly that.

Rule 1) NEVER give up. Stand your ground. Have faith in your strength. Know that you'll have your way soon enough anyway. Rule 2) NEVER complain. All it does is drain your energy, that precious fire you could to high jump your way into the clouds. Makes you a pathetic wimp too, definitely not something you want on a warrior’s resume. Lastly, Rule 3) NEVER seek validation. From anyone. It sure feels nice to be acknowledged and encouraged, but grasp this— this is your journey. YOUR life and YOUR vision. Validation won't get you anywhere, for there'll never be enough of it.

Cuz Marty, if you're tryna bring something new, different, and authentic into this world – you'll most likely be hated on badly, before you'll be loved madly (hi, me a rapper). Learn to invite hate instead—IMPORTANT: hate from others, not yourself. Sounds counterintuitive, but this is the real tea: hate is good. It means you're standing up for something, refusing to fit like a puzzle piece in society, and being UNAPOLOGETICALLY yourself. And it’s certainly a sign that you’re on the right path if you can ignore that hate and stick your tongue out at it.  

Yet another reason to never seek validation is simply this: you have to fight for yourself. In order to meet your own expectations, reach the doorstep of the best version of you, and transform this world, you'll have to go wildly IN. Toil and hammer away. Shut out all the haters and non-believers, listening only to your gut. Importantly, learn to accept the rejection slips, validating yourself not with what Molly says about it being okay, but with the reminder that your time is coming soon. Depend on yourself. Validation will NEVER be enough.

I get it, it's a lot of homework, but perhaps you already realize that it’s THIS work that'll change your life forever. Not “how to not procrastinate, Jesus take the wheel” or “HELLO, life's a mess so here are ten things to do (you won't believe number four!)”. Clickbaits don't work, stop believing that a fancy planner is going to be your savior. There is no rule to making your life a masterpiece. You'll have to get to know yourself and your dreams (journaling, meditation, silent pondering), build the work ethics and the mentality needed (lots of work in this one, yet no strict framework to go about it) and GET GOING.

AND with that firework, I'll begin to slip away now. Again, I won’t say it’s easy, that’s cock and bull. Life’s no fairytale. You will never feel ready to start bringing your dreams to fruition. But, my darling (I’m being so nice yo, follow me), you must. You must force yourself to work for the future you want till it becomes a habit, an obsession. The world badly needs heroes; confident people who can stand for themselves so that others can stare at first, maybe even hate a little, but then follow because they seem unstoppable and are, truthfully, having the most fun at life. YOU'RE one of them. No validation, just plain facts.

You see, conquering is a LOT of blood and sweat (K-pop, anyone? BTS? Lmao, this is me tryna clickbait y'all to read). Even getting up will seem huge when you're just starting out, and this is one long road, dear pal. Still then, I have enough faith in you to hope you don't give into your fears, I hope you willingly chase discomfort, and I hope you find the courage to do all that you want to do, while that heart's still beating.

I hope you conquer. I'll do too, and I'd really like to see some familiar faces during the ride.

Peace, amigo.

A loud ass A/N: And now, we come the most important part of this post. WAKE UP Luke, stop snoring, and take some notes. Remember kids, I won't accept anything but an A.

   If you couldn’t identify yourself throughout this post and currently are scoffing like um woman, that's not really why I'm depressed, hang in there a sec. Yes, you can stop singing It Ain’t Me now. You've a very nice voice by the way.

I'm not a doctor, and I don't have enough exposure to know why so many earthlings are depressed today. HOWEVER, by talking to many, following their stories, watching and reading stuff – I do know with firm conviction that a majority suffers from severe unfulfillment. Don't believe me? A study shows 85% of the working class worldwide hate their jobs. Do you realize what that actually means? EIGHTY-FIVE PERCENT of the THREE BILLION PEOPLE employed today, hate being employed in the first place! They do it for prime survival, to sustain themselves. And that's just jobs. I won't scare you, but 50% (yes, HALF, you heard that right) of students HATE going to school. Kids waste SEVEN hours of their life every day going somewhere they dislike, doing something they hate. Who's singing now?

People find themselves trapped in golden handcuffs, taking the paycheck despite the passionless job. They push aside the art and business they love, to become a slave of good ol’ cash. Several surround themselves with negativity and get frustrated when unable to escape the choking (no, not THAT kind again, hello someone pour holy water over this post) atmosphere. An innumerable are forced into taking up courses that they don't care about under parental pressure. The reasons are endless, and I don't think I'll amuse myself listing all the sad excuses.

This has always been the story. Hundreds of influencers have preached the same words I’m tryna put into your head here and you’ll yourself say you’ve heard this a million times. YET, you’re dissatisfied. YET, you feel like crap everyday, feeding yourself the same lie that the next day will be better, that you’ll get up tomorrow– while you let life beat the shit out of you.

That’s why, all of my words, everything you’ve read today - all of that boils down to just one single question. A difficult but necessary choice. Will you let this happen to YOU? Will you, seriously, even after this wild ride together, go back to doing nothing and being nothing? Will you, for real, continue deceiving yourself, sacrifice your happiness for the sake of pleasing everyone else, and remain a statistic on a website?

   (play ♬) If you’re not sure of your answer, read: Look, making you feel guilty is not my intention, because that’s not how this works. I need you to understand instead. Guilt wears off, it’s only understanding that brings about change. So, just for old times’ sake, I’ll rant a bit more (ik, just can’t seem to leave y’all).

You’re so, so young right now. More than half of your life is yet to be experienced. None of this probably makes much impact right now but it will the day you die. Remember, on your deathbed, you won't EVER look back and say, “Damn, wish I'd spent more time at the office. Saved up just one more dollar. Could’ve got that promotion before Amy.” Nay, it won’t even be on the calendar. That day, one foot in the grave, you'll reflect and wonder why the heck you didn’t let yourself be happier. Why you took up that lacklustre, soul-sucking architect job when all you've ever wanted to do is keep laughing. Why you didn't ask your crush out, why you were so afraid to walk up to that audition, because dammit, you could’ve been running your own comedy show by now. Why you dragged around a karaoke machine all this time instead of singing your own song. Why you couldn’t love yourself. Why you submitted. Why.

And the moment you realize that you hadn't lived a life for you, you’ll be crushed. Broken. The arthritis in your grannie joints won't even compare and neither will the mild dissatisfaction you’re feeling right now. Those whys will haunt you, they'll terrorize you, break you. It'll hurt tremendously to know that there isn't a single thing in your long life that you could call completely your own.

 With every death today so many dreams are left unachieved, crazy things left unchecked on the bucket list, and unique potential left unexpressed.

DON'T let that be you. Please. I'm still a mess myself, struggling to reach class on time and studying subjects that aren't exactly fun, when all I want to do is create content (read: fireworks) that is at a level of insanity, influence folks to do better, hold crazy world tours and meet-and-greets to give hugs, and get an adorable puppy so I can create a dogstagram (yes, I'm that mom). Sure, I could declare it's too hard, hang onto small-minded and negative people who whine endlessly, and follow the crowd, getting lost in it, with ease.

But I won’t because I can’t take the burden of those regrets. That painful unrest and discontent that nothing could cure, not drugs, alcohol, buddies, not even true love. For then I’d be just another drone, my controller in the hands of society, forcing me to see the world through its eyes. I can’t give in because I’m scared, terrified even, of wasting away this one life doing the bidding of others- folks who won't even notice when I’m gone.

It’s easy to be depressed and crib your entire life. It’s easy to think you’re worthless and that trying is pointless since nothing ever goes your way.

But perhaps, if you rise, if you simply DECIDE to have the audacity to fight for what you believe in, if you work and focus on becoming better, things will go your way. Life will bend to you, in awe, at your incredible relentlessness. Life will take one look at you, wonder who the fuck is this person? How the fuck are they so incapable of giving up? And back right away. And then perhaps, life will be such a blast for you that depression would become the past you never had.

   I know you can get there, conqueror. It’s time you knew it too.

🌚🌝 Further reading? 🌝🌚

Last Post :— How To Get Back Into The Creative Process – For you, if you're in a creative rut. Get outta it and go create magic!

5 Reasons Why You're Unhappy — To help you identify & cut out CURRENT sources of sadness so that you can spice up yo’ life with some happiness instead. Definitely recommend reading AND implementing.

The Bubble Trap & How To Get Out Of It — One of my classics. Everyone is in one of these 'bubbles’ till they consciously do something about it; that's just how it is. Are you still in one? (Someone teach me marketing, lmao.)

The 5 Biggest Regrets of The Dying (from Greatist) — I LOVED reading this. Pretty much all you need to cut the crap and do meaningful stuff. Read it, memorize it, work it.

++ Want to request a blog post? Leave your request in my ask box! I'll get back to you with a reply, along with the average time I'll need to birth that magical idea.

Thanks for dropping by! It was a pleasure to have you around. If you wish to stick for a bit, I'd suggest picking one of the related posts mentioned above.

If you wanna check out my blog, here's a little something about me (y'all know I love the attention). What do I write about? Three arenas I dominate, Work, Lifestyle and Life, they are, my mate! Take your pick!

I post new blog posts bi-weekly, and my wins, & journal entries throughout the week, so follow me if you're into conquering life, leaving a legacy and being the baddest badass you can possibly be. I'll be your side pal, cheering you along.✨

And that was it, it's a wrap! Martha, shut the cams, Henry, pause the audio, and Nandita, I know you're pretending to be deaf, but Mom's yelling something about doing the dishes. Better skip along.

And you, fellow conqueror? Keep slaying life, doing the work and making it count. I hope you're well, stay strong and go conquer life. ✧

I'm sending you so much love, see you soon.

— Nandini 💌 (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡

[dreveak]

(1) Do You Sleep With Your Closet Doors Open Or Closed?

closed, sometimes when its super hot open. If i’m at home, open for the cats to come and go

(2) Do You Have Freckles?

yea

(3) Can You Whistle?

kinda

(4) Last Song You Listened To.

Wait for me from hadestown

(5) What Is Your Favourite Colour?

indigo

(6) Relationship Status.

dating the love of my life @thattransgoth

(7) What Is The Temperature Right Now?

86

(8) Did You Wake Up Cranky?

always

(9) How Many Followers?

315

(10) Zodiac Sign.

taurus

(11) What Is Your Eye Colour?

hazel

(12) Take A Vitamin Daily?

no

(13) Do You Sing In The Shower?

hell yea 

(14) What Books Are You Reading?

whoever fights monsters - robert ressler

the cases that haunt us - john douglas

origins of totalitarianism - hannah ardent 

anatomy of innocence

anatomy of motive - john douglas 

journey into darkness - john douglas

now it can be told - general leslie m groves

the fox hunt - mohammed al samawi

(15) Grab The Book Nearest To You, Turn To Page 64, Give Me Line 14.

No one suspected that a man with dark skin and a big beard would be hiding a northern Shiite in the back of his car.

(16) Favourite Anime?

psycho pass

(17) Last Person You Cried In Front Of?

no one 

(18) Do You Collect Anything?

alpaca related things, warrior cat books, dragon stuff 

(19) What Did You Have For Lunch?

golden chick 

(20) Do You Dance In The Car?

no

(21) Favourite Animal?

snow leopards 

(22) Do You Watch The Olympics?

no

(23) What Time Do You Usually Go To Bed?

whenever I fall asleep 

(24) Are You Wearing Makeup Right Now? 

no

(25) Do You Prefer To Swim In A Pool Or The Ocean?

pool

(26) Favourite Tumblr Blog?

@thattransgoth

(27) Bottled Water Or Tap Water?

bottled

(28) What Makes You Happy?

@thattransgoth

(29) Post A Gif Of What You’re Currently Feeling Right Now.

(30) Do You Study Better With Or Without Music?

with 

(31) Dogs Or Cats?

both

(32) If You Were A Crayon What Colour Would You Be?

black

(33) PlayStation Or Xbox. 

playstation 

(34) Would You Swim In The Lake Or Ocean?

ocean

(35) Do You Believe In Magic?

I’m pagan of course I do 

(36) What Colour Shirt Are You Wearing?

pink

(37) Can You Curl Your Tongue?

yes

(38) Do You Save Money Or Spend It?

spend

(39) Is There Anything Pink Within 10 Feet Of You?

my shirt

(40) Do You Have Any Obsessions Right Now?

alpacas, dragons, warrior cats

(41) Have You Ever Caught A Butterfly?

yes

(42) Are You Easily Influenced By Other People?

no

(43) Do You Have Strange Dreams?

yes

(44) Do You Like Going On Airplanes?

I h a t e it 

(45) Name One Movie That Made You Cry.

end game

(46) Peanuts Or Sunflower Seeds?

sunflower seeds

(47) If I Handed You A Concert Ticket Right Now, Who Would You Want The Performer To Be?

billie elish or panic 

(48) Are You A Picky Eater?

kinda? its a sensory thing though

(49) Are You A Heavy Sleeper?

yea

(50) Do You Fear Thunder / Lightning?

yes 

(51) Do You Like To Read / Write?

yes

(52) Do You Like Your Music Loud?

hell yea

(53) Would You Rather Carve Pumpkins Or Wrap Presents?

pumpkins

(54) Put Your Music On Shuffle, What Is The First Song That Came Up?

down with the fallen - starset

(55) What Season Are You In Right Now? (Weather) 

summer

(56) What Are You Craving Right Now?

@thattransgoth

(57) Post A Screenshot Of Your Tumblr Feed.

too lazy

(58) What Is Your Gender?

male 

(59) Coffee Or Tea?

tea

(60) Do You Have Any Homework Right Now? If So, What Is It About?

not yet

(61) What Is Your Sexuality?

pansexual

(62) Do You Make Your Bed In The Morning?

no

(63) Favourite Pokemon?

luxray

(64) Favourite Social Media?

facebook I guess

(65) What’s Your Opinion On Instagram Stories?

meh

(66) Do You Get Homesick?

sometimes

67) Are You A Virgin?

no

(68) What Shampoo And Conditioner Are You Using Right Now?

mahogany wood from bath and body works 

(69) If You Were Far From Home And Needed To Sleep For The Night, Would You Choose To Rent A Crappy Motel Room For $60 Or Sleep In Your Car For Free?

car

(70) Are Both Of Your Blood Parents Still In Your Life?

yes

(71) Whats The Next Movie You Want To See In Theaters?

I dunno 

(72) Do You Miss Your Ex?

f u c k n o 

(73) What Is Your Favourite Quote Right Now? 

“There is no greater tyranny than that which is perpetrated under the shield of the law and in the name of justice.”

(74) What Eye Colour Do You Find Sexiest?

none?

(75) Did You Like Swinging As A Child? Do You Still Get Excited When You See A Swing Set?

not really

(76) What Was The Last Thing You Ate?

chicken 

(77) What Games Do You Have On Your Phone?

too many 

78) Would You Give A Homeless Person CPR If They Were Dying? Why Or Why Not? 

of course??

(79) Been On The Computer For 5 Hours Straight?

yea

(80) Stalked Someone On A Social Network?

nope

(81) Do You Like Meeting New People?

fuck no

(82) Do You Wear Rings? If You Do, Take A Picture Of Them. 

my class ring

(83) Do You Sleep With Your Bedroom Door Open Or Closed?

bitch I already answered this

(84) What Are Three Things You Did Today?

sleep sleep sleep 

(85) What Do You Wear To Bed?

boxers and a shirt 

(86) List All Of Your Different Beauty Products You Have Right Now.

I don’t do beauty projects

(87) Are You A Day Or Night Person?

night

(88) List All Of Your Video Games On Your Phone, Console Etc.

too damn much

(89) Tell Me About A Dream That You Had And When It Happened.

I don’t remember my dreams 

(90) Favourite Soda Drink?

dr pepper

(91) What Sounds Are Your Favourite?

ocean and birds

(92) Do You Wear Jeans Or Sweats More?

jeans

(93) How Do You Look Right Now?

tired af 

(94) Ever Had Any Suicidal Thoughts?

yea 

(95) Name Something That Relaxes You.

@thattransgoth 

(96) What Tattoo Do You Want?

a lot 

(97) Favourite YouTuber?

markiplier 

(98) Post A Picture Of Yourself.

nah

(99) Do You Have Any Illnesses?

a ton

(100) Favourite Place To Relax?

my gd bed, preferably with my baby girl @thattransgoth

[greatshell-rider]

32-37 for all of them

oh boy! going under a “read more” cuz this is gonna be fun!

32. what is their self esteem like?

tawa is an entitled brat that doesn’t know what it means to be nice to himself and desperately seeks for validation from those he’s in awe of

washta has to tell herself she’s wanted and important in people’s lives  and that she has a purpose and place in her world, but otherwise she likes herself

the star mare has one true love in the world and that’s herself

shadi learned to fight for herself against herself and others cuz a lot of people doubted she could become the powerful warrior and magic user she is today and it’s been an uphill battle but despite the bad days she’s killing it at loving herself

lani doesn’t need self esteem because it’s a fact that she’s better than everyone else?

jerry’s too tired to care what others think of him. he hates the things he’s been forced to do in the past but also knows he would do it again so he’s been forced to accept his dislike of himself and move on cuz what else can he do? poor boy

33. what is their biggest fear? how would they react to having to face it?

tawa is terrified of not being who he’s supposed to be and also losing the star mare. he doesn’t let himself think about it.

washta is haunted by the fact that she’ll never have a home or family. also she’s very, very scared of her father. she’s pretty certain if she has to face her father she’ll die, but she’ll die fighting!

the star mare fears nothing and no one. this is not helpful many a time.

shadi is scared of being useless and a burden. she would do everything she could to do at least something in a seemingly helpless situation

lani is scared she’ll lose her purpose and have no reason to do the things she does. fortunately her quest will take a long time to complete so she doesn’t have to worry about that for a while

jerry has bee allergies and bad bug bite reactions so he’ll perform an impressive number of flips and spins to avoid getting stung/bit. also he’s scared of the dark

34. how easily do they trust others with their secrets? with their lives?

tawa doesn’t have secrets cuz he’s a celebrity and also dumb, and he’s too pathetic to protect himself so he has to trust literally everyone with his life

washta does not trust easily with her secrets and not too much with her life but if you give her reason to trust you, she’ll do it if there’s no other option

the star mare would kill anyone who tried to know her secrets/tell other people her secrets. she’s still very bitter about how spirit binding (the magic system) spread to humans. and no she wouldn’t trust anyone with her life except tawa in theory because, as mentioned, he’s pathetic and maybe wouldn’t be the best person to entrust your life with

lani will tell you a thousand secrets if it’s profitable to her. oh and sure she’ll trust people with her life, and also trust that they’ll ultimately betray/fail her so she always has a backup plan

jerry does NOT trust people ESPECIALLY lani because NOT AGAIN YO (they’re siblings and would die for another)

35. what is the easiest way to annoy them?

for tawa, insult literally anything about him and he’ll immediately start crying. to get him mad? insult his art or the star mare. then he’ll fight you! and lose! but still try in self-righteous rage!

if you don’t shut up around washta eventually she’ll punch you

your mere existence irritates and enrages the star mare

tell shadi her morals/beliefs/way of life is pointless and wrong and she will be Upset

lani would laugh at you for trying to annoy her

easiest way to push jerry into beserk mode? tell him he ought to be nicer to his older sister, and listen to her more often

36. what is their sense of humor like? give an example of a joke they would find humorous.

tawa doesn’t understand the human abstraction of so-called humor cuz whenever washta laughs at him it’s because he’s done something stupid (i.e. fallen on his face) but if he had a social media he would probably post terrifyingly morbid memes without a hint of irony, followed immediately by pics of a grassy wind-swept hill covered in wildflowers with the setting sun behind it

washta is so tired and dead all the time that if you can get her to smile that’s very impressive. however, videos of cats getting all prepped and hyped to jump a short distance? and then slipping and falling? would make her howl. also “funny depression memes” that remind her life is a joke so it’s okay to not stress over everything

the star mare thinks it’s almost cute the way humans try to stand up to her sometimes. she likes it even more though when the fear sets in and they start to run.

you could tell the lamest most pathetic and unfunny joke ever and shadi will laugh and say something that makes it 10x better so other people will laugh and still like you. all the indescribable memes on tumblr with like five layers of backstory and foreknowledge to them? she loves those. also, vines. not that she has them in her world but if she did she would make incredible tiktok videos

lani finds life fairly amusing. if she thinks laughing at your dumb joke or meme will be beneficial to her in some way then she’ll do it. otherwise she’s just laughing at you.

jerry forgot laughter in the slave pits but thinks everything his dragon does is adorable/hilarious so that’ll bring a chuckle out of him. also he would like funny depression memes and vines

37. how easy is it for them to say “i love you”? do they say it without meaning it?

tawa says it a thousand times a minute to the people he cares about (read: the star mare) in a thousand different ways because he’s bad at words but also would sob it in your shoulder if you complimented his artwork so yeehaw! he means absolutely everything he says so if he says he loves you, or shows it, he loves you man.

it is not easy for washta to say she loves you because she’s been hurt and has hurt too many times to count now and she doesn’t want to be hurt again but, like tawa, she means the things she says and she’ll show her love by saving your life or like swearing to protect you with her own or promising she’ll never leave your side as long as you still desire

it wouldn’t occur to the star mare to say “I love you” because she assumes you already know it (you being tawa)

shadi will scream i love you to every person she passes, she’ll scream it on the top of a mountain, she stare you in the eyes and touch your hand and tell it to you so soft and tender you’ll start to cry. she can say it like a joke or “ha ha sure yeah love you too” sarcastically, but deep down inside? she means it bro

lani has never told a single being she loves them while meaning it, and jerry knows this

jerry grits the words out to remind himself that yes love exists and yes he does love lani deep, deep, deep deep down inside and that maybe if he acknowledges it more often then he’ll feel less a need to strangle her. for cindy he’ll say it a thousand times over because he would rather die than let her forget

[mariconjcena]

My Pet Peeves

People who don’t observe manners in real life and social media

Bashers, haters, keyboard warriors, people who spread rumors especially online

People who don’t follow instructions

Possessive people and even fans

Boyfriends who restrict their girlfriends on what they should wear

People who expect others to be perfect

People who are close-minded and judgmental

People who don’t respect others

People who abuse freedom of speech

Racists

People who hurt others especially their own family

Backstabbers

People who are rude

People who create and participate in fan wars

Real-life and cyber bullying and people who are part of it People who practice crab mentality (putting others down) Fans who are delusional into thinking they can date their idols or dictate them on who they should date

Fans who always think their idols are better like hey everyone has a talent at a different level -_-

Hate pages, hate/dummy/poser accounts on social media yet these websites are not even doing something about it!

Pornography Satire/Hoax news sites

People accusing others of “bandwagoning” as if they are the only one who has the right to enjoy their fandoms

People who don’t think about their future Animal and human cruelty

People who always find faults of othersPeople who comment something not related to the topic, copy-pasted comments, chain messages, commenting “who cares”

Unprofessional people

Companies who set unrealistic/too high/discriminating standards like how many superpowers do we need in order to get experience and hired lol

Poor hygiene

Public toilets without bidet or pail and dipper

Unreasonable comparisons

People who attack others because of the race, gender, age, nationality, religion, education, etc.Misleading articles and headlines

Bad customer service

People who randomly follow you on social media then unfollow you later

High ticket prices

People who smoke/do drugs

When people spend more time on the phone than talking to the people on the table during meal

People who act, think and speak like a know-it-all

Demanding boyfriends/girlfriends

Too much PDA

People who don’t know the difference between constructive criticism and downright bashing/below the belt comments

People who always make a big deal out of everything

People who get offended on everything even though sometimes nothing’s offensive on a certain matter.

People who share videos that the audio is a woman who moans -_- So rude!

Parents who abandon their children and vice versa

Kpop fans who ship two idols of the same gender as if they’ll end up together (I’m very sorry about this but as a fan I’ll never be in favor of boyxboy and girlxgirl ships, just listen to their music, watch their shows, support them ok???)

Fans who ruin their idols’ and fellow fans’ reputation

When people always say “there are a lot of homeless people out there or their country is at war you should have donated instead) whenever there’s a luxury post (new stuff, grand wedding/birthday celebrations, new house, etc.) like can’t we enjoy life?! It’s their money they can do what they want as long as it is clean money and it is for good use. You don’t need to impose those words I’m sure there are people willing to help the needy without publicizing it (unless they have to do so as proof to shut those people up)

When people say "there are more important news than this and that” then why bother reading it? There are different kinds of news FYI.

When some relatives comment irrelevant to the posts you do

When every person of the opposite sex that you are with gets mistaken as your boyfriend or girlfriend (sometimes it’s difficult to post photos of your friends from the opposite sex because other people will ask “is he/she your boyfriend/girlfriend?) Like give us a break and post freely without malice lol

Apps not compatible with your device even though your software is the updated one

Expensive paid apps

Slow or no internet connection

Other people who only rely on neighbor’s wifi like you should provide YOUR OWN wifi/broadband internet.

People who don’t listen to every side of a story

Too many/complicated requirements for something though sometimes it’s unnecessary

Visa restrictions (can’t we all equally exercise our right to travel?!Our passport here is only limited to some countries that we can visit for tourism purposes without a visa unlike other first world/very rich/developed countries can visit most countries easily :/ now I understand why some are changing their passports/citizenships)

Embassies that require a lot of money as part of their requirements to get a visa to their country (it’s not easy earning money and not everyone is rich)

Video uploaders that set their videos to private if they upload tv shows. Like what’s the sense of uploading in the first place?!

Video websites blocking videos to certain countries. HELLO WE ARE NOT ON OUTER SPACE!

People who romanticize poverty. SERIOUSLY? No one wants to go through that!

Self-righteous and "religious” people who judge others

People who say women get raped because of their clothes. ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?!

People who always generalize everything and everyone

People who doesn’t speak direct to the point

Employers/interviewers who always say “We’ll just call or text you” like can’t you just outright reject the person if he or she’s not qualified? That would hurt less than waiting for nothing.

People who don’t care about other people’s feelings

People who don’t understand that everyone goes through something

Ridiculous/unrealistic standards for various companies towards job seekers

Immigration personnel (especially here in the Philippines) who asks unnecessary questions and always find a way to offload a passenger even though the documents presented are complete and there’s a proof that they will return if their trip is temporary

People who think mental illnesses doesn’t exist

People who don’t know how to handle their money or who don’t save money

Double standards

People who pressure others to be in a relationship, get married and have kids even though they are not yet ready, they don’t want it or it’s too early for them

Too strict/unrealistic/crazy/unnecessary policies

Unrealistic/too high standards in everything

Reckless drivers

Body-shaming

Cat-calling