#I love making fandom friends but I am also chronically shy so... lol

[acewizardinspace]

9 people you would like to get to know better tag game.

Tagged by @mis-mcgifsten! Thanks for tagging me

Three ships: since this is my star wars side blog, I figure I should talk about star wars. Sadly I don’t ship much for sw, I much prefer jedi found family/gen stuff for this fandom. That being said, I love Cody/Obi-Wan and Kanan/Hera. For the third one, idk, I do like Han/Leia a lot

First ever Ship: oh that is hard but maybe the doctor/rose from doctor who? I grew up on science fiction stuff and that is the first tv relationship I can really recall being attached to.

Last Song: I am currently listening to Pretty Face by Public on Spotify. I really love that song!

Last Movie: If we are talking about the last time I went in saw a movie in a movie theater… I don’t know, sometime before covid. I still take covid very seriously and don’t go out much. The last movie I watched though was Puss in Boots: The Last Wish on Netflix, and wow that film was great!

Currently Reading: I guess the only real book I am currently reading is Percy Jackson and The Titan’s Curse. Which should not take me over 6 months to read, but grad school is keeping me busy. (Oh and I guess I am reading books for school but who wants to hear about that, ugh.) I am also in the middle of reading the manga Jujutsu Kaisen.

Oh, and fanfiction of course. I am never not reading fanfic lol. I am currently reading this series which is a crossover for the anime full metal alchemist and full metal alchemist brotherhood, which is just such a cool concept. It is called A Hop, Skip, and a Jump by SiryyGray.

Currently Consuming: I am typing this while eating my dinner, pasta in a garlic sauce!

Currently Craving: I have ice cream in the freezer for desert! But I am only letting myself have some after I have finished my homework for the day.

Honestly, I am too shy to tag people ^^” But if you want to do it please do! I love getting to know new people in the fandom.

[softxsuki]

god i hope i’m not late i was about to sleep but then i remembered your requests and i had to write one!!! sorry for the late request!!!

So my pronouns are she/her. The three fandoms i wouldn’t mind being paired up would be BTS, BNHA, and Obey Me! I would love to be paired up with male characters in a romantic setting.

I am an INFP and my zodiac sign is a Pisces!

I value mostly trust and friendship. I want to be able to joke around and have my lover be my best friend! We need to radiate the same energy and hopefully they will give back the same or even more in which I will gladly reciprocate back. But they also need to be calm and collected because I have trouble doing that. Acts of service and being told I do well is certainly my love language. I prefer taller people but everyone is taller than me lol since i’m only 5’2. I also don’t mind a man in glasses.

Generally when i meet people i am shy and nervous. Don’t really know how to break the ice. With friends, I laugh loudly and love to listen rather than talk about my own life. I love reading, drawing, and writing but spend most of my time immersed in video games. My taste in music I believe is trash because I listen to the same damn songs over and over again and most likely never get tired of them. I also take lots of naps because i tire easily and it’s been difficult because of my chronic illness, lupus. Every day is different and honestly the last month or so I haven’t been feeling the greatest…But I am doing better!

Lastly the type of scenario I would like would be possibly a “first interaction??” or how they would take care of me? I am lover of just fluff and the start of relationships where everything just feels right and new. I would to explore something like that. Thank you so much for doing this!!

1000 Follower Event Matchup #34

This event is CLOSED. The event masterlist is here.

Note: Hope you enjoy, sorry it's late!

***pls note that I no longer accept requests for bts <3 i love my boys but I don't feel comfortable writing fanfics for them anymore :)

 I match you with: KIRISHIMA, JUNGKOOK, and DIAVOLO

Runner ups: Kaminari, Jin, Mammon

Kirishima:

Kirishima makes the best lover but also friend for you

It’s like dating your best friend, with the perks of being able to kiss and stuff

He loves joking around with you and playing video games with you and the rest of your friends

Acts of service are his thing–he’s always doing little things for you that he knows you’d like, for instance, asking Bakugou to teach him to cook something so he can make a meal for you, buying you flowers, opening the door for you, lending you his jackets. IT'S THE SMALL THINGS THAT COUNT

He’s an extrovert so he does talk a lot and loves that you listen to him, though he wants to hear from you as well, so he’d ask you questions to help get some answers from you

How does he take care of you?

Kirishima is always watching out for you, making sure you’re doing okay

He’s the type of guy who has a conversation with someone, but is also paying attention to you at the same time

Let’s say you’re both out for dinner with your friends and you drop your fork so you bend down to pick it up

He places his hand along the edge of the table as you bend down, while absorbed in a conversation with Kaminiari, making sure you don’t hit your head on the table when you come back up–he’s always watching you (not in a creepy way lol)

He’s very subtle but exact with his caring for you, he won’t be over the top, but at the end of the day, you’ll never feel insecure that he doesn’t care for you

Jungkook:

Jungkook would just be such a fun boyfriend for you

He’s quirky and lots of fun, going out of his comfort zone to do the most daring things, and he’s definitely inviting you along for it all

I just picture you having the time of your life with him

He’s very daring and adventurous, but he’s also a cutie that believes in love at first sight by hearing a bell chime and I think that is so adorable :( 

He’s so pure hearted and kind, thinking of you all the time through everything he does 

Jungkook always compliments you on how well you’re doing something, he even randomly says it so you know that you’re doing well and making someone proud, so you should be happy with yourself as well

Jungkook loves to draw with you, you both have fun trying to draw each other or just spending quality time together drawing and playing video games together

There’s never a dull moment with him

How does he take care of you?

Jungkook is very protective over you, so he naturally takes very good care of you

Any ounce of discomfort on your face and he jumps in immediately to take care of the issue (if he can)

He knows you struggles with lupus and does whatever he can to support you, yet doesn’t want you to miss out on the fun on days where it may be harder for you, so he has no problem just being there for you at home, enjoying each others company

Truly perfect, I’m telling you

Diavolo:

Diavolo! It was a close match between Dia and Mammon for me

But I went with Diavolo, because as fun and laid back as he may be, he also knows when to be serious and mature, something Mammon struggles with

Diavolo loves having fun with you; he’s always trying to escape from his mountain of paperwork, sneaking past Barbatos so he can spend some time with you in a place that isn’t his office lol

You both sneak off into town together to get some food

He even likes bringing you to the human world where you can introduce him to some of your favorite things to do and favorite foods to eat

Leviathan got him into games so he likes to practice his skills with you

His go-to is quiet moments with you in his office (since Barbatos always drags him there and he drags you with him lol) so while he does his paperwork, you find a quiet corner in his office (that he has supplied with comfortable pillows and blankets) so you can read

How does he take care of you?

As Future King of the Devildom, he uses his power and connection to get the best doctor for you when your lupus gets particularly bad

He’d go as far as to call help from the human world if the doctors in the Devildom can’t help you

Though he’s incredibly busy as President of the RAD student council and Future King of the Devildom, he’s never too busy for you, and goes out of his way to ensure he can always care for you and be there for you when you need it

He walks you back home (whether you live in his castle or with the brothers is up to you) since he knows how dangerous it can be for you to walk alone since not everyone there agreed with your presence in the Devildom (not that anyone would be dumb enough to mess with the future leader’s woman lol)

But yeah :) I think he’s a great match for you!

EVENT REQUESTS ARE CLOSED

REGULAR REQUESTS ARE OPEN :D

Posted: 9/6/2023

[loopy-froots]

Introduction Post! (TW: SA, PTSD, etc.)

Hello slasher fandom! I’m fairly new to this side of tumblr, so forgive me if I don’t understand how all this works yet! I just thought I’d introduce myself because I’ve already posted drawings and fanfiction writings so far, but maybe some of you want to know who’s behind it? If not that’s totally fine, just keep scrolling! But if you’re curious, keep reading! Btw! I’d love to get to know any of you as well, so feel free so say hi! :^]

Facts about me:

I go by the name Donn on this blog (for safety reasons I won’t be sharing my actual or preferred name anywhere on this blog, sorry!)

I chose the name Donn because of the name coming from the Celtic god of dead souls (I’m a Celtic witch by blood so I thought it’d be fitting)

My preferred pronouns when I write are she/they (leaning towards she atm because of some personal issues I deal with irl, but irl I prefer they/them more strictly… does that make any sense?)

Anyways, I’m 18+ and I very much prefer my viewers to be 18+ ONLY because of the NSFW content I post… and I also don’t want to influence anyone that impressionable cuz I have a kinda fucked up mindset atm…

But I hope that’s alright! I know kids will do what they want, and there’s not always much we can do to stop it, but please just be respectful of my wishes and DNI!

I have severe PTSD from many irl traumas that have happened to me throughout my life, and I currently live in an kind of abusive household, so my mental health has not been good…

That’s partially why I started drawing and writing fandom stuff cuz it’s currently what’s keeping me going!

I have diagnosed Adhd, but I take meds for it and am doing slightly better with my productivity! That’s why I’ve been able to crank out as much content as I have in the past few days!

I have undiagnosed autism, but it’s a work in progress cuz I’m like pretty sure I am autistic (for many reasons, the more you get the know me the more obvious it’ll get)

I am disabled in many ways: chronic physical and mental pain/illnesses, hard of hearing, etc.

I’m extremely liberal so DNI if you’re gonna be a bigot or anything cuz I will block you!

I have a partner (Who does not know about this blog yet cuz I’m v shy about sharing this kinda stuff with the people I love… partially cuz of my trauma from past relationships)

Ive suffered from THREE separate abusive romantic relationships… all of which kinda fucked with my head… so forgive my insecurities and everything! (I’m working on it tho!) but this partner I’m currently with is AMAZING AND LOVING so I’m v happy with them!

TW! I’m a S/A survivor, and it was by a friend I trusted, so I get very skittish by people irl because of the betrayal… but I find it easier to get to know people online cuz it’s not as traumatic imo

As you can see, I overshare EVERYTHING for literally no reason… like it just gushes out of me without me being able to stop it… Sorry if you’re unhappy with it! Feel free to block me if it bothers you!

I am currently seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist!! They both help me a lot with functioning as a normal person (even tho there’s no real such thing as a “normal” person imo, but it helps me survive in the society I live in)

I used to be goth, but now I’m forever torn between being goth again or being a cottagecore lesbian lol (I usually dress femme even tho my brain makes me feel like a boy a lot of the time…?)

I am extremely bisexual! Like holy shit! How come everyone is so hot?? Lol but seriously, I go all ways (I know some people say that’d make me pan but I prefer the term bisexual over being pan)

I used to be a little, but I’m not anymore because too many people took advantage of me when I was in my little mindset… I don’t let myself regress anymore unless I’m absolutely alone, but that’s rarely ever (my little age was around 10 btw)

I am extremely sensitive and am an empath! I feel my emotions EXTREMLY STRONG so I overreact to everything, am very passionate about the things I’m in love with, and cry at any given moment! I cannot and will not help it! I’ve been told too many times that I’m too sensitive and that I’m a crybaby and that my heart is too big for my body, but I don’t care anymore! Im refusing to see this as anything but a blessing for now on! Sensitive bitches are the baddest bitches lol

I used to get lots of hallucinations/psychosis, but I take meds for it and am now much better and less paranoid!

I still get paranoid about social situations tho for time to time, as im a very insecure person :(

Im a switch/power bottom! I like to be dominant on occasion, but I prefer to be a bratty sub most of the time!

I am a collector of taxidermy things!! I have several insects on my walls, as well as animal paw jewelry! If you don’t like it that’s alright! Just don’t tell me cuz I will block you! I make sure all my collection items are from humane sources and all the animals die naturally in the wild!

I am a HARDCORE clown/masked person fan… like clowns are sooo gay and sexy like why must you jingle jangle your lil clown bells when you dance like that??😩 and masked persons are just so mysterious and sexy omg

Cicero fro Skyrim was literally my clown sexual awakening… murder clown man… with a squeaky voice… yes… must have!

My first sexual awakening tho was probably Danny Phantom (Which is sooo funny cuz my partner actually named themself after him… coincidence? I think not! God does have a plan! Lol jk… unless?🥺👉🏻👈🏻)

Yes, I use the 🥺👉🏻👈🏻 emojis unironically… no, I’m not proud of it😔

HMU if you relate to any of this or just want to be friends! I’m literally so desperate for friends cuz my old roommate made me cut ties with them and then they spread rumors about me to all my other friends until no one would talk to me anymore… :( so I’m v lonely run…

But anyways, yeah that’s basically me… a huge mess but I’m on my way to getting better I guess…?

If you’re still reading all of this, THANK YOU KIND BEING! You are unlike any other…🥺❤️

Okay bye loves!

[crookes-library]

Fanfic Year in Review 2020

Tagged by the continuously wonderful @kirstenseas TY hun 

1. List of fics completed this year:

I know what you did last night: The Untamed - WangXian

Seasons: TLK - Uhtred/Finan

We’re All Fools Here:  TLK - Uhtred/Finan

Amber:  TLK - Uhtred/Finan

What Would I Be:  TLK - Uhtred/Finan

Echoes:  TLK - Uhtred/Finan

Moon & Stars: TLK - Sihtric/Ealhswith & Sihtric/ Osferth 

Osbert:  TLK - Uhtred/Finan

The scent of you:  TLK - Uhtred/Finan

& a bunch of Ficlets

Are we noticing a theme? Uhtred/Finan are just that special blend of best friends to lovers & old marrieds that makes me want to tear my face off so I will probably not ever stop writing them 

2. Number of words written:

67,112 words published on AO3 & about 2.6k in tumblr prompts not to mention the scraps and notes I’ve got here there and everywhere which is more than I’ve written in like 8 or 9 years? I’m pretty damn happy about that tbh

3. Your most popular fic this year:

By far ‘I know what you did last night’ which I like to believe is cause its cute but also because its a much bigger fandom and a much more popular ship

My most popular TLK fic is ‘What Would I Be’ 

4. Your personal favourite this year:

This is difficult because there’s a few I’m fond of but I’d say its between Seasons and Osbert. 

‘Seasons’ because it really kick-started my writing this year and I was really proud of it. It felt pretty true to the books and I enjoyed weaving in the little moments between Uhtred and Finan. I’ve debated messing with the end but I’m still very happy with it overall 

‘Osbert’ because it came out of nowhere and just ended up so nice? It was originally going to just be a vent fic of Uhtred’s frustration at being injured/in pain and unable to do things he would normally do because at the time I started writing it I was commuting to work and the chronic pain I get from my hip dysplasia was flaring up real bad but then Finan just took over and decided Uhtred deserves all the softness like he so often does lol

Honourable mentions to The scent of you because it was super fun to write and The Bodyguard because I just enjoy the concept

5. Your favourite scene:

Little Stiorra threatening to fight Finan’s secret lover for his hand in marriage in Amber so she doesn’t have to marry any stinky boys.  I love love love Stiorra, she’s my baby and Uhtred and Finan just having a quiet afternoon being fond dads gives me all the warm & fuzzies

6. A fic or scene that challenged you:

Can I say all of them? Cause if so all of them, writing is hard and I am a very tired person who second/third/fourth-guesses every damn word

Mostly The Bodyguard though because its the first long fic that I’ve even attempted since like my ff.net days. I know what I’m doing with it/where I’m going but actually getting it all down is hard and slow going and I’m trying to forgive myself for that and not pressure myself and end up sucking out all the joy because I really do love it and I want to keep loving it 

7. A line of writing you’re proud of:

Cheating with a couple lines from What Would I Be because it was one of those middle of the night-can’t sleep-sudden inspiration-omg the gay yearning of it all-things that I just really liked.

Once the clean-up is done Finan finds him. There is an easiness in the way that Finan folds into his embrace, steady and familiar. Finan pokes at his ribs when they draw back. “You were worried,” Finan teased, eyes warm with amusement. “As if I’d waste the energy on your scrawny arse,” Uhtred scoffed. But Uhtred was worried, he was, he was, he is.

8.  A comment that touched you:

I’m someone who reads and re-reads my AO3 inbox constantly whenever I’m feeling stuck or I’m having a Bad Brain day and I need the serotonin so its hard to pick one because I’m honestly touched by anyone who takes the time to comment but a special shout out to The Enablers and to @deespiegel because they’re all just so? lovely?? I wouldn’t have written half as much this past year without their encouragement

9. Something that inspired your writing this year:

Uhtred Uhtred Uhtred ❤ I literally cannot emphasise enough how much he means to me and with S4 & the last book coming out I just fell so deeply back into my feels. Looking forward to the next book has gotten me through some really low points the last 13/14-ish years and what is fic if not an outlet for dealing with a story you love coming to an end? Also just the TLK books in general, BC has a terrible (brilliant) habit of writing the main character and his best friend as just super married in his books but Uhtred/Finan might actually be the craziest example yet of all his books that I’ve read. The last 2 books especially (Sword of Kings & War Lord), how is my little gay heart meant to handle knee touches and worrying and inside jokes and “Did he touch you?” HOW?? BC ANSWER FOR YOUR CRIMES

The Enablers have also been an endless source of inspiration and encouragement. I used to be such a fandom lurker, I was too awkward and shy to talk to anyone but now I have like actual fandom friends?!! And they’re just such amazing people?!! Cannot believe, they’ve really kept me going this past year ❤

10. Your proudest accomplishment (that one scene; finally finishing that one fic; posting your first fic; etc)

The fact that I’ve written more than I have in absolutely forever and also committing to a long fic, its not done yet but just the fact that I’ve started is huuuuge for me

11. Do you have any writing goals for the next year?

To finish The Bodyguard and just keep writing :)

I think all the enablers have already been tagged so anyone else who wants to do this have at! 

PS Please make a new post if you do :)

[illneverrecover]

Get to know me more!! ✨

Tagged by @purpletigertaetae, ty bby!

1. What do you prefer to be called name wise? Most everyone calls me Jackie, which is a nickname of itself, but I love all my nicknames (Kiki, Red, d*ddy, etc etc)

2. When is your birthday? December 15th

3. Where do you live? Virginia

4. Three things you are doing right now? Nothing, I can finally relax after a very long day of work, cooking, and laundry. So I’m sitting in my bed, playing on Tumblr and listening to music.

5. Four fandoms that have piqued your interest right now? BTS / Ateez / Monsta X / EXO / Super M / Stray Kids / SVT / NCT 127 take up a lot of my brain energy. I also still have a soft spot for Mystic Messenger and several other Otome games and animes, but I’m too lazy to list them lol.

6. How the pandemic treating you? Well I was furloughed, then unfurloughed but out of a job, then brought back onto my job temporarily.. so oof. I would say not as bad as it could be, but it’s been rough. I miss my friends so terribly.

7. A song you can’t stop listening to right now? GODS FUCKIN’ MENU BY STRAY KIDS. It is perpetually stuck in my head. I wake up hearing the song in my head. Help me.

8. Recommend a movie? Athlete A on Netflix if you want to rage against the patriarchy and remember how terrible most men are. Safety Not Guaranteed if you just want to believe in the world again.

9. How old are you? 31

10. School, university, occupation, other? I am a Registered Nurse with my Bachelors of Science in Nursing as well.

11. Do you prefer hot or cold? Cold. Which is rich coming from me but I’m just so damn hot all the time, the cold is how I survive.

12. Name one fact others may not know about you. This is so hard lol umm I sing and post cover songs on a karaoke app from time to time.

13. Are you shy? Nope

14. Do you have any preferred pronouns? She/her

15. Any pet peeves? This list is honestly so long it’s stupid. If you’re eating and I’m not eating, I hate every sound you are making. I have bad misophonia. People who ask for advice repeatedly but don’t actually want it. People who are chronically late. The ‘m’ word. 

16. What’s your favorite “dere” type? I do watch a lot of anime and I still had to google this lmaoooo probably Hinedere 

17. Rate your life 1-10. 1 being really crappy and 10 being the best you could ever be. Currently like a 5-7, its been a rough last several months and not being able to see my support people and travel and do the things that bring me the most joy is starting to drain me. Overall, I know I am very blessed, and this changes day to day.

18. What’s your main blog? This one!

19. List your side blogs and what they are used for. I don’t really use side blogs, like I have some but they aren’t well used or followed lol.

@national-anthem-awake is my random BTS catch all/writing advice/pic dump @illneverrecover-recs is my lofty dream of actually posting my fic recs one day @taehyungsbnch is when I was trying to form a TBR pile of fics and didn’t want 40 tabs open in chrome, but I also forget about it a lot AND

@definitelynotaclownforbaekbye is currently empty but I think the message is clear. 20. Is there anything you think people need to know about you before becoming friends with you? I’m not really sure, honestly? I’m pretty straightforward in general and consider myself an open book. I love making friends and getting to know people. I’m sarcastic with a tendency to be blunt but I am genuine and loyal. I’m also pretty stupid - fire sign Sagittarius solidarity, y'all.

Tagging: whomever wants to play!  @taetaesbaebaepsae @quinnkook @serensama @jimins-ass-eater @jungkookiebus @ditzymax @lvupmushroom @baekhyyun

[bangtan-madi]

get to know me more tag

Tagged by the so sweet @hobicomeholla29! Thanks for thinking of me in your tags, lovey!! 🥰

What do you prefer to be called name wise? Madi

When is your birthday? December 8th

Where do you live? Charleston, SC area

Three things you are doing right now? Listening to BTS mashups on YouTube, doing this tag, and just chillin' really lol

Four Fandoms that have piqued your interest right now? BTS, My Hero Academia, Attack on Titan, The King: Eternal Monarch

How the pandemic treating you? I'm lucky to be considered an essential worker as I work at a law firm, but it's been just plain weird and hella stressful since mid-March

Recommend a movie? Anything Studio Ghibli, specifically Castle In The Sky

A song you can’t stop listening to right now? Binary Star by Sawano Hiroyuki (linked in case you’re interested!)

How old are you? 22

School, University, Occupation or other? I'm a legal assistant at a law firm

Do you prefer hot or cold? Cold

Name one fact others may not know about you? I'm a redhead, and if my hair gets too long, it weighs so much that it gives me chronic migraines xD It can’t get longer than my chest.

Are you shy? Oh yeah, chronically shy and introverted--they're not the same thing; you can be extroverted and shy [aka Jimin] or introverted and outgoing [aka Jin]

Do you have any preferred pronouns? She/Her

What’s your favourite “-dere” Type? Not especially read up on any of them tbh xD

Any pet peeves? Slow people on the highway. Like, don't speed, but if you're going 40 mph in a 65 mph zone, I will angrily pass you!

Rate your life 1-10. 1 being really crappy and 10 means being the best you could ever be! What is this, 2018 Festa? I'll pull a Jungkookie here and say I don't wanna put a number on my life. Life is always both beautiful and tragic; I don't think I could rate it a single number, even if I wanted to.

What’s your main blog? You're reading it, love!

List your sideblogs and What they are used for! I have a sideblog @mental-magic ​for mental health/positivity/aesthetics/magical dabblings. I'm also part of a network @eoseowa-bangtan​ with my close friends Lisa and Minah. Not a sideblog per se, but pretty close!

Is there anything peoples need to know about you before being friends with you? I really want and love having friends, but I am one shy bish so I almost never make the first move xD Forgive my introverted nature, especially at first, but once I get used to talking to you, I swear you got a loyal friend!

Tagging @kooala, @dreamcatcherjiah, @han-hoshi, @seokjinsslutdrop, and I'll stop it there 'cause I've done a lot of tags lately xD Anyone else who wants to give it a go, feel free!

[matildaisautisticandproud]

April 1st - 30 Days of Autism Acceptance

April 1: Introduce yourself. Talk about who you are as a person.

If you want to find the original challenge, you can find it @autie-jake here. DISCLAIMER: I do not own this challenge.

Hello! I am Matilda, and I was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome at the age of 17, just before the diagnosis was changed. As of now, I suppose my diagnosis would be characterized as Autism Spectrum Disorder Level 1. Also, I have been professionally diagnosed with ADHD (Combined type), an anxiety disorder, and (Central) Auditory Processing Disorder. On the physical side of things, I have many food sensitivities, gastrointestinal problems, and experience chronic vestibular migraines (migraines that affect things like balance).

When I was younger, I always felt as if I didn’t belong in this world and as if I were different than everyone else. It was rather strange and frightening, and I couldn’t place the reason as to why I was feeling this way. Now I know why.

Ever since I can remember, I have been called “shy”, which is due to my social anxiety. However, things didn’t really start to get very difficult for me socially until after puberty (so, around Grade 7). My reactions to sensory stimuli also worsened from that year and on. It wasn’t until my first year of college that I decided to get an evaluation, and that was because I was really struggling.

I had been struggling all throughout high school, but my parents refused to believe that there was anything wrong with me, and even mocked my struggles (especially so my hypersensitivity to auditory stimulus). I mean, I didn’t seem too peculiar: All my class averages were 95+, I excelled in my honors and AP classes, and I wasn’t a troublemaker. The only reason I was able to excel was because I was afraid of disappointing my teachers. (Remember: Just because a child is convenient doesn’t mean they aren’t struggling. The only reason I was that way was because of my crippling anxiety controlling my everyday life, which it still does to this day.)

After my official diagnosis, I took to studying the ins and outs of autism, making it a special interest of mine that I still actively engage in. I love talking about my special interests, and I love to over share about my life. Also, info dumps are my forte!

I do have to admit, I am a fandom nerd. However, I get very… nervous when asked about my special interests because most revolve around fictional things (i.e. TV shows, movies, books) so, I have a few I like to keep a secret from others. I have a new one (that isn’t fandom-based) that I have yet to share with anyone too. Because of these obsessions, I do write fanfiction, but haven’t really been active with doing so as of late. Additionally, I write regular fiction pieces as well.

Okay, I have just one thing to say about the online ASD screening tests: Why do a majority of them ask if you prefer non-fiction over fiction? Personally, I enjoy both and am very picky when it comes to both genres as well.

EDIT: Okay, now me as a person. Well, I am an introvert who struggles immensely with making friends both in real life and online. Since I go offline for periods of time every so often, almost every connection I make with people online ends up dissolving, to my misfortune. Plus, I’m not a very gregarious or outgoing person so, it’s hard for me to reconnect with the person. Yeah… it’s rough.

I am in pain most of the time due to chronic gastrointestinal issues, but I still make the best of it. I push through every day even when I feel absolutely terrible! :)

For a few years now, I have invested myself in creative writing and have worked hard to perfect my craft. I’m still not at the level I want to be, but I’m working at it.

I am also a person who can fluently speak in memes and vines. You could say they’re an obsession of mine lol.

I am a people pleaser and try my best to be kind to everyone. Additionally, I believe in second chances and try my best to forgive those who trespass against me. The latter part is a work in progress XD.

On a more serious note, I am a mental health advocate. I have made it through an identity crisis, severe gender dysphoria, self-harm, and more. Over the years, I’ve learned that I am my best helper when it comes to these things; someone can tell me one thing, but until I realize it for myself, I won’t believe it. Stubbornness at its finest XD.

I want to help people, but I don’t exactly know how to go about doing so, so yeah… I’m learning how to do that so, that’s good!

I probably should wrap this up, huh XD? Well, I’d just like to conclude by saying that you should always be proud of who you are no matter what others say! Autistic and proud forever! Happy stimming! 😃

P.S. Always feel free to ask me questions! I don’t bite :)

[finsterhund]

My phone died right when I was supposed to have a phone call with my psychiatrist and I'm pretty upset about it. Admittedly I forgot exactly what time it was so I didn't charge it in time.

I am also getting stuffed dogs arriving, but not the one who got lost :( I got the replacement though.

I also bought one of the dogs I had growing up brand new and they are so much smaller than I remember. I am a big boy with big strong hands now.

It's really really weird. It is also what happened when I got the squeaky steak. I can't get over how small it is now. I do not have an understanding of my own size or strength. I get introduced to things I last saw when I was younger and freak out.

I wish I could find more people to draw Cayden with Spot. I have one commission on the way but I want so more lol wish I wasn't so shy finding artists online to commission. It's so much easier at cons.

Also wishing that there was more to do. My friend is STILL borrowing my PSVR so I can't play any more Paper Beast. Which is extremely frustrating.

I've been mostly doing mild exercise, things on the internet, and eating icepops and junk food. Napping a lot but always tired. The chronic illness life I guess.

I took a gamble recently too. Someone was apparently selling a really rare copy of HoD and said it came with a mousepad but didn't have any photos of it. When I asked they weren't helpful. I don't know why they'd say "Heart of Darkness includes mousepad" if it wasn't a HoD mousepad. So worst case scenario I get a rare copy of the game in poor condition, best case scenario I get it in good condition and with the rare coveted mousepad that I've been thirsting over for nearly 5 years.

Nothing's really happened with the forums. Only three of us so far and everybody's been busy. I'm thinking of adding more resources there. Wish the fandom was more active but I get that its heyday is done and pillars like Lillium and Shynox are gone :( The closest I think that we could come to a resurgence is if more of my friends get actively involved. Which I wouldn't want to force if they didn't want to.

I keep thinking about my dogs, how much I miss them, how I could have gone to be with Jack and Zippy if my mom wouldn't have lied.

I want a dog in my life so badly. The neighbors dogs have been barking a lot lately and I often turn off the fan to listen to them. They help me nap in the afternoon. My dogs never barked very often so I don't really have nostalgia for barking itself but I think it's just the comfort of knowing that they're there.

All of my Spots have been either rigid or small so I'm hoping to find a stuffed dog that looks like Spot that is significantly larger for sale soon. Also one that's more beat up so I don't feel bad about dragging them everywhere (like Outside Tiny is to regular Fishy Tiny)

I am thinking about getting a small tent that I can set up in my bedroom so I can have a camp out since I know the chances of us going camping for real are very unlikely.

I wish that I lived in a normal house with a basement so I could have a space to mess around in the basement and have an air mattress and the tent there and stuff. I will consider myself to be living the good life if I ever have a basement with an air mattress and that's where I keep my CRT TV and my games and stuff. I visited my one cousin ONCE and I fell in love with their fancy middle-class house 😭 the fictional house that Cayden lives has its basement entirely based on that one. (And his bedroom is based on the bedroom I slept in at my grandparents house that has since been torn down 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭). It comes back to me in my dreams. I remember the kids of my mom's family all coming together there and we played with stuffed animals and watched movies and rolled around on the airmattress and stuff. They had a "computer room" and my older cousin showed me how to do simple animations with a program that I cannot remember that was likely on an apple OS

Fishy also said that a boxframe would make my mattress more comfortable so I will be getting one hopefully soon.

I still think about how I wanted to have a party for Spot with all my friends being invited over and I'm so sad that was cancelled. At least I got photos on my birthday of Spot with a hat and the Andy cake.

I keep wanting to write but struggle to find the motivation again. Fishy is the one who gives me incredible feedback on my writing but he's working super duper hard right now and he's busy.

I don't want to post HoDcore style stories on more actively tread websites because I don't want the wrong sorts of people enjoying them otherwise I'd upload to dA or something.

Paper Beast is coming to PC officially on July 24th but my current computer is 32bit so I can't play it :( very frustrating. I'm still excited though. There's going to be new content. More incentive to get off my lazy butt and build my new PC I've been incapable of saving up enough money to buy the graphics card for for the past three years.

I also wish I could find someone to draw the basement and the bedroom and then of course to draw the designs based on them for Cayden. They are so vivid in my mind.

I suck at drawing interiors so I know if just struggle to do so. I wish there were photos.

Also my other two cousins' house was absolutely amazing and I miss that house too. It was a single story with lots and lots of space and room to run around. It had TWO living rooms and the secondary living room had big big windows and plenty of sun. It also had those floor vents that we would hide things in because that was fun. They had a copy of the Seventh Brother on VHS and I would insist on watching it as much as possible.

I guess the layout of that house is the basis for the rest of Cayden's house. I've been to these places so few times but yet they're such a source of nostalgia, meanwhile the house I spent most of my childhood in is the near constant setting of my nightmares and the Spot house is almost entirely repressed.

The house before the Spot house I remember fondly but I was extremely young at the time. It had bright green carpet, little lizards climbed on the downstairs windows when it rained, and I had a little play tent.

I can almost remember enough of the Spot house to remember why I was so upset when we moved out of it. It was also one story with a very nice back garden and fruit trees in the front. I think I mostly miss Spot though. Not so much the place itself.

It's about time for me to go to bed but my mind wants to wander to places that don't exist anymore, at least not in their current form.

A sad quiet night I guess. Would have been nice to talk to my psychiatrist.

I wish I had the negatives of the Spot photos so I could digitize them.

If there are multiverses, many different possible universes I guess there's one where my grandparents raised me and Spot, and one where the Heart of Darkness movie happened, and one where everything turned out better. There's no sense in thinking about this but I like to imagine things.

Hopefully something unexpected will happen tomorrow.