#I might never get to have my iPad fix when I finally have the money T-T

[v9j525]

quick update:

I can't draw digitally again and I won't be able to for a long, long while for now. My device I use for drawing is an apple iPad and I recently had it fixed without me so I couldn't prevent the disaster that was to come.

My 4 year old iPad 5th gen now has ghost touch and I can't use it anymore. I don't have budget to fix it again so bye-bye to digital arts for now.

I'm also in college now <3

[mental-health-advice]

hi

im currently going through some things and i wanted to have someone else's pov/opinion on it, so thank you in advance for taking the time to read this

im the eldest daughter of a sea household in a foreign country. its just me, my mom and my sister who is 10 years younger than me. i was supposed to go to college last september but unfortunately i did not pass the entrance exam and was not accepted and therefore had to take a gap year (however am set to go to college this fall).

my sister isnt doing well in school mostly because of the language here. we speak in english at home but she was a baby when we came to this country so we expected her to learn it as she grew up. all her friends speak it but since she goes to a bilingual school she does not speak it unless she has to and even when her friends talk to her, she responds in english. so unfortunately until now her proficiency in this language is even worse than mine (which i barely passed my finals with) and she struggles a lot because of it.

shes off to middle school next year and we just learned that she might not be accepted into the school she and my mother wants because of her lack of proficiency in the language and because of other factors like disorganization, not turning homework on time or at all and etc despite the way both my mom and i push and guide her.

my mother has always blamed me for my sisters shortcomings but i feel that it shouldnt be so. throughout our life here i never had support when i struggled through school despite the language difference and the lack of help. on the other hand, i feel i have done a lot of things for my sister regarding school even when i was struggling thru mine as well. though not consistently, when she comes home from school, i sit with her and help her with her homework when she has questions, teach her in different ways, tell her how i did things in school to pass and to study but she never really internalizes them and is still very disordered and easily distracted. she prefers to watch and play on her ipad instead of studying and when she reads she always prefers easier books instead of recommendations i give to her. whenever they have tests we have to push her to study and thats only if she even remembers (+to tell us) that she has a test.

my mother doesnt help with my sisters education. she works long shifts and changing hours and so her schedule never really allows her to help with any of our education.

its not the first time and i doubt itll be the last but my mother came home today after having had a meeting with my sisters teacher who explained that my sister have had no visible improvement in the language and that she still struggles with many things my mother and i push her to fix. she was mad and as always blamed me for not doing enough, for not sitting long enough with her and teaching her and for everything my sister is failing to do. she says that if my sister does not manage to get into that specific school they want then she will not let me go to college (i dont know if she means it or not but she has said this multiple times before)

i dont understand why im being blamed. shouldnt improvement come from my sisters own desire to improve? i can push and tell her to do this, study more, do her homework and so on but if she doesnt do it herself without prompting then isnt it just for naught?

my mother often brings up that she would not be doing this to me if i had gone off to college but she has been blaming for all of my sisters faults even as i was struggling through highschool. she constantly tells me that there are people my age who are working and earning money and yet whenever i bring up the idea of getting a job she always tells me to just focus on my studies.

i just dont understand why my sisters sins are mine as well

am i playing a victim? is my mom right?

im sorry this got so long, i didnt want to leave out details and wanted to be as transparent as possible because leaving out things would make it biased. thank you again, i hope youll have some advice for me

Hey there,

I really believe that when it comes to education, we can only help others so much. We can sit with them, help to explain things, help with studying with them to try to keep the other person focused and on track, but in the end, the will and desire to learn and to do well in one’s schooling has to come from within. I think that your Mum is being really unfair with putting your sister’s failure or lack of improvement in her education on you and especially when you are doing your very best and spending so much time with your sister already to help her. With this being said though, is it possible that given your Mum is working such long hours, that she may just come home really frustrated at your younger sister and you are the easy target to vent or blame her frustrations onto?

I know that your Mum works a lot, but when she, for example, has a day off of work, could you possibly pull her aside and talk to her about this stuff and how it leaves you feeling? I know that you mentioned that your Mum said she wouldn’t put all of this stuff on you if you were at college but given that you are not at the moment it’s hard to know otherwise. By talking to your Mum though, and explain/ let her know/ show her how much time you put aside to dedicate to your younger sister to help with her education then perhaps instead of blaming you she will be able to see that you can only do so much. So again, with all this being said, it sounds as though your Mum is just frustrated and/ or perhaps feels as though she needs to blame someone and especially if she feels judged or under pressure from other family members or members of the public in general and especially if education is of upmost importance to them. If the latter is the reason, then maybe she feels like a failure herself in not being able to give your sister the life she wants too where anything is possible for her, including going to college. Just something to maybe think about and talk to your Mum about if you feel comfortable in doing so.

I guess that perhaps it may also be important to acknowledge that not everyone (unfortunately) finds education as easy as others and yes, they may struggle more through no fault of their own but just because of who they are as people. They may not be being lazy but just find the workload and context of it all overwhelming and just ‘too’ hard that they give up without even trying in fear that they will fail anyway. So perhaps, and I am not sure how things are in your family, but if excess stress or expectations are being put on your sister then she may be feeling this and this may be adding to own stress to do well or be better fit into the mould that your Mum wants her to fit into (doing well and getting into the school of her choice).

Of course though, all that I have said is just in my opinion but sometimes taking a step back, trying to find the root cause of any issues that may be making things so hard for your sister to learn may be of some benefit and will enable you to all move forward in the sense of her improving in her future schooling and studies. Everyone also learns very differently from one another, that it may also be possible that she just hasn’t found what works best for her in learning things.

Either way though, I do not believe you are at fault at all for your younger sister to not be performing to the standards that everyone would like her to at school. So please try to take comfort in that you can only help your sister so much, but in the end it is up to her to take on board all the support and help that you have been giving to her and to have that desire and will to want to learn herself if that makes sense.

I really hope that this has helped a bit and please do let us know if we can help to support you in any other way!

I’m thinking of you, hope that you are going well and I wish you all the best with college!

Take care,

Lauren

[itsmeezaki]

How Do I Test My iPhone Battery?

Has this ever been you…? you're distant from home; distant from any source of electricity, once you realize that your iPhone battery is dead. you only charged it this morning! How could it already be dead? If this has ever been you, you recognize a frustration that a lot of folks know only too well.

But never fear, there are a couple of ways in which you'll test the life and functionality of the battery inside your iPhone so that you never need to experience that helpless feeling again. Keep reading for several ways to understand the solution to the question, “How do I test my iPhone battery?” Why would I want to check my iPhone’s battery?

If your phone is consistently dying on you or running slow and sluggishly, one among the culprits might be the health of your battery. you would possibly think that you simply can check the health of your battery by watching the small battery icon within the upper right corner of your phone, however, that's the status of your iPhone battery’s life.

Your iPhone battery’s health is some things completely different. Your iPhone’s battery life dictates how long your iPhone will stay charged on one charge, however, your iPhone’s battery health regulates how your battery life weakens over time. Constant use of your iPhone will cause your battery life to get shorter and shorter. That’s why your iPhone doesn’t hold its charge quite also because it did a year ago.

Unfortunately, you can't gain access to data about your iPhone battery’s health in your iOS settings, so to get this information, you'll get to undergo a few additional steps. Luckily there are several different approaches and methods to try to to it. The Apple Support App

One of the only ways, by far, to see the status of your iPhone battery’s health is to download the Apple Support app. This free app is amazingly helpful, not just for testing the life and functionality of your iPhone battery, but also for several other questions that you simply may need about your apple devices.

Through this application, you gain access to articles and knowledge tailored specifically to your apple product which answers your questions directly. you furthermore may get the choice to call, chat or email with an Apple expert. All you've got to try to do is just download the Apple Support app from the App Store.

Once you've got the app downloaded, simply start a talk session with an Apple technician. Once connected, tell them the difficulty that you simply are having together with your battery which you'd like for its health to be checked. they're going to then walk you through the method of doing just that. Once complete, a report of the status of your battery is going to be sent to Apple and therefore the representative will inform you of the status of your iPhone battery’s health.

If for whatever reason, you are doing not want to download the app, you'll also contact Apple Support through their support website or tweet them. one of the downsides to the present method is the lack of data. The diagnostic assay will offer you a pass or fail, so if you would like to urge a touch more specific about your iPhone battery’s health, you'll get to accompany one among our different options. Battery Life Doctor app

When it involves apps that will tell you about the status of your iPhone battery’s health, there is a veritable smorgasbord of options out there to settle on from. Some cost money, some just aren’t helpful, and a few are complicated to use. The Battery Life Doctor may be a refreshingly simple (and free) option for you to urge a reasonably thorough analysis of your battery health.

Just download the app from the App Store, and you'll gain access to an easy layout of most of the knowledge you'll ever need about your iPhone battery’s health. Battery Life Doctor tells you the general health of your battery, giving it a rating of “Perfect”, “Good”, “Bad”, etc. it'll also tell you the overall” Wear Level” of your iPhone battery.

This nifty percentage tells you ways much your battery has degraded over time. So, as an example, if your wear level is at 22%, then that means that the charge capacity of your iPhone’s battery is at 78%. this suggests, that your iPhone’s battery is merely capable of holding a touch over 3/4 of the charge that it did once you first got it.

The one downside to the present app is like many other free applications, it contains pesky advertisements. But if you'll affect those ads, which isn’t that difficult since this is often likely not an application that you simply will use fairly often, then this might be the answer for you. Coconut Battery

Another option for testing the health of your iPhone’s battery is to use your MacBook. If you own a Mac computer, then you'll download a free and amazing little program called Coconut Battery. this tiny utility application gives you an easy yet thorough check out not only your iPhone’s battery health but also your MacBook’s battery also.

You can even use it to research the life and health of your iPad’s battery too! Once you've got downloaded and installed the program, simply plug your iPhone into your MacBook together with your lightning cable and click on on the “iOS Device” tab at the highest of the appliance.

This will allow you to ascertain helpful information about your iPhone Battery just like the current charge, the complete charge capacity (the maximum amount that your battery are often charged with), the cycle count (amount of times your battery was charged from 0% to 100%) and even the temperature inside your iPhone’s battery.

The only downside to the present option is that it's only available on Macs. If you own a Windows computer, then you'll not be ready to use it. But don’t fret, because there are options out there for you also. iBackupBot

For people who don’t have a Mac, you'll download iBackupBot. This device is almost like coconut Battery. You download and install the appliance and plug your iPhone into your computer via the lighting cable. After it runs a diagnostic check on the status of your iPhone battery, it'll offer you access to a myriad of data including cycle count, full-charge capacity, and lots of others.

The downside to the present particular utility is that it's not free. It cost 35 dollars, however, you'll always bypass the charge by utilizing the “7-day free trial” option. It won’t offer you future access to the app, however, seven days is certainly long enough to see your iPhone battery’s health a few times and find out if something must be done.

Another downside to the present application is that the knowledge and layout aren’t as easy to know because of the other apps listed above. Regardless, iBackupBot remains a viable solution for getting an in-depth analysis of you the status of your iPhone’s battery health. What if your battery health just isn’t very good?

So, after utilizing one among the applications above, you've got determined that your iPhone’s battery isn’t very healthy. What does one do about it?

Nothing lasts forever. All electronic devices have a lifetime. that's why your telephone providers offer upgrades. However, there are a few options available to you.

  Get your iPhone battery replaced.                                                          If your battery is struggling you'll catch on replaced fairly painlessly. Apple will roll in the hay for you, in fact, and at a fraction of the value of a replacement phone. Just visit their Apple Batteries website and click on their battery services under the iPhone option and you'll be directed to the iPhone Services Answer Center. There you'll find all of the knowledge you would like about the way to get your iPhone battery replaced without even leaving your home. Just a fair warning, this may cost you within the neighborhood of $80 and can leave you without your phone for the higher a part of every week.If that doesn’t work for you there also are other options. If there's an apple store near you, you'll always visit them and have them fix it there. it'll cost an equivalent, minus the delivery fee. If there isn’t an apple store near you, don’t hand over hope.You can always find the closest Authorized Apple Service Center and obtain them to exchange your battery for you. If this is often the choice that you simply would like to pursue, you'll get to make a meeting . attend Apple’s Support Page, click “iPhone”, then “Battery, Power & Charging.” Once that's done you'll want to click “Battery replacement” and lastly “Bring certain repair.”After doing so, you'll be prompted to log in together with your Apple ID and provides a reason for the repair request. then, you'll be directed an inventory of the closest available locations and therefore the times that they're available to repair your iPhone.BONUS: If you're still rocking that iPhone 6, and still aren’t looking to upgrade, you'll get this service finished less expensive. Rick Broida has a superb article on the way to replace your iPhone 6 battery without breaking the bank.   

Get a replacement iPhone.

I know, you've got been adjourning getting that new upgrade. you'll be asking yourself, “Is the newer iPhone 8 or X that far better than my iPhone 6?” the straightforward answer is yes, it is. However, whether or not you ought to finally spring for that upgrade depends on what you primarily use your phone for, and the way often you employ it.

For example, if you're an amateur photographer and use your phone to constantly take pictures, then you ought to consider going for the upgrade especially if your phone maybe a few years old. The newer iPhones accompany far better lenses, technology, and lots of more filters and settings that allow you to require stunning pictures.

Another reason to upgrade is that Apple has gotten significantly better at creating phones with much greater battery life. Remember, that's a term for a way long your battery will continue one charge. If you haven’t upgraded in quite a while, you'll be shocked at what proportion longer the newer phones will last before they're going to get to be charged.

Often, people that just use their phones for texting and therefore the occasional call can even go a few days without charging. Apple has even gone wireless with charging for the iPhone X, which suggests you'll charge on charge pads that conveniently located in many stores and even in some newer model cars.

Ultimately, only you'll decide on whether you would like to upgrade or not. Replacing your battery could also be cheaper, but you'll be missing out on tons of options and upgrades that are only available on a more modern iPhone.

[james-bucky-barnackle]

Two Night Stand (Part 3)

Synopsis: (AU) You can’t wait for your contract to end and get that recommendation to get an actual job as a writer so you found yourself at a club drinking away to forget about the stress of your shitty job as the assistant of the biggest Editor in New York, you end up hooking up with the man of your dreams only to wake up to a nightmare when you find out he’s the son of your boss.

PART 2 | 2NS Masterlist

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: none

Word Count: 4k

A/N: I'm sorry I took sooooo long to update this! I just had a writer’s block :(( ALSOOOO, this whole fic is actually inspired by Tove Stryke’s album - SWAY, so check that out if you want to know what I listen to when I write this fic ok bye. (gifs not mine its from tenor)

“This is me,” I say as we get to the front of Winnie’s building. He moves closer to touch my back and was about to plant a kiss on my cheeks, when he quickly realizes we’re on a hazard zone. We both laugh, I bite my lips, he is such a dream.

“Where’s your next appointment at?” I ask, as he fishes his pocket for his phone.

“It was actually the building next to where we did the fitting,” he scratches his head. What?! He sees my surprised face. “I just wanted to spend six blocks with you,” I blush for the nth time. He’s ridiculous, I shake my head.

“You sir are out of your mind,” his head is shyly hanging low.

“I’ll see you soon?” his blue eyes look into mine, does he have magic gems in them? What is wrong with me? This is unfair. I wish I could look at someone with puppy dog eyes and get what I want.

“Yeah, sure. Let me just turn in my resignation letter and we’ll be on our merry way.” Of course it’s a joke. I feel like I’m 12, hiding my middle school boyfriend from my parents. He laughs again, I’m pretty sure passers by look at us like we’re patients fresh out of the mental hospital. Especially with me, I’m probably the one with the stray jacket smiling like an idiot. Now he bites his lips, we both have places to be and yet here we are standing stuck on the concrete sidewalk like lamp posts oddly placed too close together.

“Y/N?” Shit, I whip my head and I see Nat. Holy crap I thought it was Winifred. You know what? I’m too jumpy and nervous that even if it was a grown man’s voice, I’d still think it was Winnie. “Good afternoon, Sir Barnes,” she greets Bucky as soon as she sees who I’m standing next to. She knows who he is?! I work with his mother and I didn’t know who he was. I immediately take a step away from him. Nat raises her eyebrows at me and gives me a suspicious look that says What’s going on Y/L/N? And I reply with a Don’t look at me like that! Look that has my nostrils flaring. I see Bucky try to hide his amused expression. What did he even find attractive about me? Probably my stupid expressions, right.

“I-uh have to go, thanks for helping me, Y/N.” He sneaks in, and in a split second touches my arm before he waves at Nat and I see Vision pulling up the driveway. When did that happen?

“Bye,” I reply as he gives me this look that I know already says a paragraph for my haywire brain. He gets inside the car and they start driving off. I smile like I’m waving off my husband before he leaves for work, like the pearl necklace wearing housewives from the 60’s cereal commercials.

“Why do I feel like you’ve had way too much fun on that errand?” Oh right, Nat. I quickly purse my lips together, blowing air into my cheeks as I try to hide my smile. Nat’s not stupid. Am I high? Is this what it feels like? The smile isn’t going away, my cheeks are filled with air. I shake my head like a five-year old. Nat pinches my side.

“Ow! Hey!”

“You’re gonna get into so much trouble.”

“I’m not! What for?” I play dumb with her, so far she knows the title of this suspicion, and not the content. I’m still safe.

“I saw how you two looked at each other,” okay, maybe she saw a little trailer too. We start walking towards the building’s doors.

“I just helped him with the fitting, he was just thankful for the help,” I’ve said help twice, at this point I might as well add one more, since third time’s the charm, am I right? Nat nods at me, she’s suddenly nonchalant. Wait a minute, that’s it? She quit? Normally, she doesn’t stop until she knows everything. Okay, I’m not complaining. Good, I guess my secret’s still safe, then. We enter the elevator, floor number thirty here we go.

-

*Ding!*

“You what?!” Whoops, guess not.

“Don’t tell anyone! I’ll take care of Bruce’s dog for you!” Bruce is her boyfriend, and he has this french bulldog that he’d ask Nat to walk every night. Nat would rather be staying at home binge watching the making of a murderer than walking that cute hound. She hated that dog. How could anyone hate that dog? Sure he jumps a lot at people, but it’s because he’s excited. He’s a dog, what does she expect it to do? Walk around at home on two feet and wash the dishes?

“Fine, and you better be the one to give him his baths as well,”

“What does Bruce even do?”

“He feeds him”

“Are we a committee? It’s one dog Nat, you don’t need a village to raise a dog.”

“Are you gonna shut up or am I gonna unzip my mouth, because there’s your boss.” Oh shit, I scowl at her. I walk and immediately follow Winifred just before she gets to the door of her office and open it for her. She walks to her table and I replace her coffee with a new one, thank god I didn’t forget to get one on the way with Bucky. She lowers her glasses and peers at me like I’m a parasite.

“Tell me your not wearing that to the dinner meeting.”

“I’m- uh not.”

“I didn’t think so.” she lifts her glasses back up. I sigh, and fake a smile and snarl as soon as I turn my back. My phone beeps, it’s Sam, saying he’ll be ready to pick us up in thirty minutes, I tell Winifred and leave to sit at my desk. I open my drawer and pick a mirror up giving myself a once over. Maybe, the messy bun wasn’t ideal for a meeting at the Eleven Madison Park. I look like a bozo, do people even still use that word? I shake my head. I hear steps behind me, I look to see that it’s Clint. Just the person I need to get me out of this wardrobe disaster.

“Clint!” He turns around, a sudden glee to his face. He already knows it’s for a makeover, he skips in my direction. I laugh at his expression and I lift one of my camisole straps to signal the SOS and he points to the elevator. I give him a huge grin as I follow him to the lift. He presses floor number twenty, my favorite floor; the best floor, to be honest. I’m already excited, and I can tell he is too. Clint’s the art director, he’s the kindest. The moment I got in the View, he’s been a hero to me. He’s really close with Winnie, that’s why I was really anxious around him at first. But he was the only one who ate with me the first lunch I had in the building and even gave me a tour, and showed me all the ropes so I didn’t have to be such a nuisance to Winnie, not knowing where each department was located and what they did. The elevator doors open and I gasp, I feel like I’m in heaven. Racks of clothes, shoes and bags all over the whole floor. This was a luxury I could never see myself have in a million years.

“Come, sweetie let’s fix-” he gestures his hands over me like he’s swatting a fly, “whatever that is.” I shake my head and smirk.

“I’m ready.”I blow air up the strand of hair that’s fallen in front of my face.

Everytime me and Clint are together, he always tells me the best gossip. I rarely have any to share, but I’ve definitely been more observant of our coworkers. We’re at the aisle where the dresses are all lined up neatly. I see this gorgeous white off the shoulder dress that’s fitted. Clint sees me eyeing it, and pulls it from the rack. I put my hands up,

“Oh, no. I can’t wear that. I might stain it, and I definitely don’t have the money to replace that.”

“Honey, it’s all yours. I didn’t even know we still had this, it was for a 2015 photoshoot with Natalie Portman.” I almost trip, I’m I really serious about this? He pushes the dress onto me.

“Just wear it.” It’s not like I didn’t have a hint of disdain for it, he didn’t really have to ask twice. I ran to the dressing room and hope it fits. I pull my hair tie letting my hair snake behind my back. Okay, this looks really good. I’ve never really worn white before, and now that I’m pretty much checking myself out in the mirror, I think I’ll wear white more often. When I open the dressing room curtains, I see Clint holding nude stilettos, he’s literally my fairy godfather. I hug him tight, and I break free when he taps my shoulders, “oops, sorry. Too much?”

“Too much,” he replies.

“You’re. The. Best.”

“You owe me-”

“I know,” I kiss him on the cheek, thank him and say goodbye. I think I’m gonna have to start making a list of people I owe. I make a quick stop at one of the vanity tables at the far end of the floor and put a light dab of makeup on my face. Mostly just highlighter, lipstick and mascara. I steal a few pumps of the perfume on the table too, what good would it be working at the View if you couldn’t take advantage of the makeup lying around the styling department? I give myself one more look in the mirrored wall, and then click on the elevator buttons, now we wait. When I get back to my desk, I grab my iPad and a notebook just because, and stuff it all in my bag. I check everything, Winnie included. Sam’s already texted me that he’s already downstairs. I open Winnie’s office doors just as I see her standing up, and she gives me a smile- it looks like a genuine one. I tried to look into what it meant, it can’t be a real smile. Does she know I stole Natalie Portman’s dress? Holy shit she’s probably going to fire-

“Someone’s finally looking like a real employee,” she says as she walks out the door, I clutch the door handle tighter. Did she just compliment me?! Oh my gosh I wish I had it all on tape. This is never gonna happen again. I nod and am not even sure if I should thank her, she might think I’m too low if I thank her for that, that was definitely a compliment. I close the door and lock it, and when I turn around, she’s staring at the bag sitting on my desk. It’s the canvas tote bag, there goes my compliment, gone in a second.

“Go back inside, grab my black Louis Vuitton hand bag, borrow that,” what have you done with my boss?! “And throw this dust rug out,” there’s my girl.

I open her office door again and go inside to get the bag, I can’t wrap my head around this. Is this really happening? Is she high? What is going on? I see the bag on her shelf and grab it, it’s light, I open it and voila! It’s already empty, okay no need to declutter. I clutch it and leave the room. As soon as she sees me lock the door for the second time, she’s started making her way to the lift. I grab my tote and dump everything into the Louis Vuitton. I can’t believe she’s letting me borrow her bag, surely this has to be broken, maybe there’s a hole in it. I jump when I hear her voice interrupt my silent inspection.

“It’s in perfect condition. Don’t - ruin it,” yes, ma’am I gulp.

-

“Hi Sam,”

“Good evening Winnie,” he nods his head at her. “--hot damn!” he says when he looks to greet me, I nudge him with my shoulders and laugh. He opens the car for us and we drive to the venue. I open my iPad and scroll through the people that will be present at the meeting. Winnie doesn’t really give a damn about remembering names, you only ever need to know hers. Looks like Ken doll’s gonna be there too, that’s neat. Lowkey wished he was there too. I mentally smack myself, I’ve had way too much of him already, I’m being so selfish. Or am I? It’s not everyday you get to meet a guy like him. Okay focus, I scroll through the agenda and the topics that will be addressed for the meeting- hmm, so there’s an announcement. Oh boy, Winnie does not like to be surprised, this better be good. In a few minutes, we arrive and Sam opens the door for Winnie while I help myself out. The place is perfect, the ambiance warm and elegant. Sam parks the car and I follow behind Winnie. The host immediately ushers us to the table, located in one of the far corner of the restaurant, the perfect place for privacy.

As soon as we near the table, a man dressed in a very expensive suit stands up and lowers his shades, of course he’s wearing shades at night, and indoors, beside him is a statuesque blonde angel. I raise my eyebrows and lower them quickly as I whisper onto Winifred’s ears.

“Tony Stark of Stark Industries and Pepper Potts, the new CEO,” Winnie fakes a smile like I’m telling her something else as Tony removes his shades and the two of them hug, she hugs Pepper just after. He helps her to her seat, and before he sits on his, he gives me a once over. Okay, big guy. I speak onto Winnie’s ears like I’m her conscience, but instead of giving her advice on how to be a more decent human being, I’m telling her people’s profiles. By the time I’ve finished introducing everyone to her seated around the table silently, not wanting them to know Winnie is completely unaware of who a lot of them are, it’s probably been 20 minutes. Food has started being served, and I’m allowed myself a salad, before Winnie judges my eating habits. The last time she saw me eating, it was at my desk, sneaking bites of my cheeseburger, she looked like she wanted to puke.

“What’s the announcement Stark?” her voice is cold.

“Don’t wanna wait until dessert?” Stark replies.

“I don’t do dessert, sugar is the devil’s work.” Well Winnie, if you really wanna know what the devil’s work is, you might want to look in the mirror.

“Okay, I want to sponsor the View’s annual fashion ball.” I almost drop my fork, I immediately grab the glass and drink water, not wanting to be asked my opinion. Winnie’s paused, she’s silent, but she suddenly huffs, a small chuckle escaping from her lips.

“What do you want this year’s theme to be? Bolts and screws?” Stark’s the lead innovator for technological advancements, Winnie’s such a drag.

“I thought the Winnie could make fashion out of anything, bolts and screws too hard for you?” I can hear the mortal combat narrator saying “fight”. Tony raises his glass, Winnie smirks at him.

“Very well, what purpose does it serve to sponsor this year’s ball?”

“I’m venturing out into other things,”

“Fashion being one of them?”

“Winnie, when have I ever looked bad?”

“Well you did have this one time where you wore that ugly-”

“Besides the point,” I hide a giggle as I lowered my glass to continue munching on my greens. “I’m trying to reach out to new demographics, and it’s good PR, trying to fix last year’s bad run,” he continues chewing on his steak. Last year was a mess, his prototypes were stolen which was ironic considering his inventions were designed to ensure safety and security. Getting those stolen without the alarms going off in his own house, doesn’t really speak reliable. I already know Winnie’s gonna accept the offer, it’s her plan all along, she’s had one of Stark’s board members talk the idea to Stark, and Winnie uses drama to spark attention to her projects. Looks like Stark’s gonna be this year’s headliner. Tony bids a quick goodbye right after Winnie says yes and leaves Pepper to handle anything else, and the meeting continues and I’ve noticed Steve isn’t here yet, that’s not good, Winnie’s not gonna like that. Dessert’s already on the roll and I try to ignore Winnie’s glare when she sees the waiter put down a slice of cheesecake in front of me. I deserve this, let me be woman. As I take a chunk in, I hear one of the other people in the meeting ask Winnie.

“I heard your son’s in town, will he be attending the ball?” I immediately bite the spoon at the thought of him.

“Of course he would,” Winnie answers as a matter of factly.

“Any idea who his date might be?” my stomach drops, now that’s sad. He’s probably not gonna ask me, I mean who even am I? We’ve just met last night, and I can already see every hollywood tabloid making all sorts of nasty titles if he brought an unknown to the red carpet. Why am I even thinking about this? Of course he’s not gonna ask me, I’m a nobody, and hello? Earth to Y/N? We’ve known each other for what, two days?

“Probably the girl he was caught kissing by the paparazzi,” a woman from the other end of the table sneaks in. Wait what? Why that motherfucker, I knew it! He’s such a playboy, why did I not see that coming?

“Who? When?!” I hear Winnie, she’s shocked too. I fish for my phone, and immediately ask good ol’ google who exactly this girl is. I start typing his name.

“Her identity’s still a mystery to me, I thought you’d know Winnie. Looks like young Barnes is keeping secrets from his mother now,” oh you bet, he is, who could this woman be?! This morning?! He probably went out with someone before he came by Winnie’s office.

“It was just this morning, I saw the photos on Twitter too,” the guy chimes in. I’m scrolling rapidly on one of ET’s website, and I gasp. Winnie looks at me and raises her eyebrows, probably wishing I was dead for sneaking a gasp in between their conversation.

“Sorry! I don’t hiccup like normal people.” She rolls her eyes at me, I’m glad she let’s it go and immediately goes back with her conversation. I quickly exit my browser and put my phone in my bag. I’ve seen the photo, of Bucky and the girl he was kissing. She was wearing an orange camisole, denim jeans with her hair in a bun and her hands on Bucky’s shoulders. My heart jumps out of my body. Winnie can’t see that photo. I am dead. My face wasn’t seen, my back was turned to the camera, but I’m now time travelling through earlier events in my mind, did she know what I was wearing?! Okay, I came to her office, with the coats from Balmain, so I was covered, right? And when I excused myself out of the office, she didn’t even notice me that much since she was so focused on her dear Bucky. And now, I’m wearing this white off shoulder dress… Holy fuck, “Tell me your not wearing that to the dinner meeting,” my jaw drops, her voice repeats through my head over and over again. She’s seen me, in those exact same clothes, in that exact same hairstyle. I wished I was a different skin color right now, that would’ve saved my ass. But no, my palms suddenly feel sweaty. I’m thinking of what I could do. This is not happening, not yet. Oh my gosh, I can’t even think straight. Great, now I have to keep Winnie from ever seeing those paparazzi photos, which would be fucking hard because she’s got eyes everywhere! I’m surprised she hasn’t even seen it.

“If she’s got her back turned, what good would it be for me to look at it?” WHAT? I’m gonna start putting fruits on the altars of every religion I know. I’m thankfully confused, I have no idea what just happened. Why does it feel like I’m gonna get away with this? “She’s probably just one of my son’s models.” Okay this is gonna sound very contradictory, but 1) models? She thinks I’m a model? No wait, she hasn’t seen the photos; 2) his models?!

But being in this situation, sitting next to Winifred, iPad on my lap recording the meeting for me to type the transcript on my laptop later, Bucky’s sort of fading away, he sure is an eye candy… well, an actual candy… But my fear of Winnie definitely defeats dating him. These two Barnes are pulling me on two opposite directions, and I’m whacked not knowing where to go, I’m not so excited about meeting Mr. Barnes now, which direction is he gonna pull me into? I try not to even imagine. My heart is still pounding like crazy, Winifred wins - for now. Maybe try not to walk and kiss him in public, Y/N? That’d be great.

“Well Winnie, looks like the tabloids are not gonna let that paparazzi photo slide,” Pepper chirps in. No Pepper, shhh, be on my side, I thought you were an angel? I’m having your wings cut. She looks like she enjoys this topic. A voice jolts my body just as I try to grab my glass to have another drink.

“One week and I’m already the talk of the town.” I pull my head up slowly as if a camera’s zooming in to capture my blank expression. I’m wiped clean, how many emotional roller coasters do I have to experience? I want out. Of course, he’s here, of course.

“James!” Winnie kisses him on the cheek as he takes a seat just in front of me, great. Steve quickly follows behind him. “Steve,” Winnie grunts, “where have the two of you been? We’ve already finished the meeting!’

“Had something to turn in the office, I borrowed Steve for a bit,” Bucky replied as he gave me a wink, I kick him from under the table and gave him a quick stare. He looks to his side laughing. Steve takes the seat beside Winnie.

“Learn to look at the time James, and Y/N” I look up way too fast, “just email the transcript to Steve after you’ve done it.” I nod robotically.

“So who is it?” Pepper’s voice hums in the air.

“Who is?” Bucky answers, as he calls a waiter.

“The girl in the pap photo.” Pepper smirks.

“They’re that fast?” I’m about to burst into flames, in 6 months, I thought I’ve gone through the worst working in the View, but this boy right in front of me, has been giving me both heaven and hell. He really wants me to get in trouble.

“Stop making it longer than it has to be,” Steve interrupts, I look at him and see him smiling right at me. Oh. My. Gosh. He. Knows. I feel like my makeup has peeled off my face.

“Why don’t you guys just mind your own business?” he laughs as he points an accusing finger at Steve and shakes his head at Pepper.

“Guess Bucky’s already booked for this year’s ball,”

“Only if she agrees,” Bucky replies as I feel his feet playfully swinging at mine underneath the table. Oh my, here we go.

PART 4

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[regretsdelusionstoughluck]

PART 3

WEDNESDAY MORNING

While Damon was online looking for odd jobs he noticed an add for dancers needed. He’s had a stripper license since he was 19 and used this as a means for extra money when not deployed. He sent this to Oliver in an email prior to calling him on his way to the pharmacy.

“Morning”

“Check out the email”

As he pulled out his iPad, he saw the email

“What the fuck is this?”

“Strippin....you already do way more,  plus a bachelorette party would get you a killing. I used to dance at a few of them when I was home”

“Got anything else?”

“Banquets, I know a lot of companies. I can send you a list of catering companies you could do work for. What you got going on right now?”

“Laying on the couch, going into the office”

[Really? That’s the best you got? What part of “I want out of this life do you not understand?]

While he wasn’t thrilled about it, he took some time to think about t and he realized that bachelorette parties are for the entertainment value and he did keep his body in shape. However, didn’t want his current situation to mirror that of “The Players Club”.

Oliver got up from the couch to fix himself an omelette while continuing to talk. “Yo, I got you on speaker phone, doing some stuff in the kitchen”

“Man, remember when we were young and we would see vacationers out here, we vowed that one day it would be us taking trips with our families?”

“I do, and when I look at where I’m at, I think to myself “What the actual fuck?”

[We were lied to. In 2008, when we were in high school, we were told to go to college. That it was the ticket to a successful life. What they didn’t tell us is that the economy would tank. They didn’t go cover any alternatives. They never went over the cost of living and the fact that people here are working three jobs. I should have seen this with my own parents. Dad worked for the state and then worked as a janitor in the evenings. Mom still works as a financial aid officer at a state college. The preparation sucked. What the fuck am I gonna use creative writing for? Why was that in school?]

He cut the conversation short to eat his breakfast and get a shower in before work. Afterwards, he ironed a pair of pants and a golf shirt and heaved to the office where the direction informed him and Claudia:

“I have a project for the two of you. Our event is coming up at the mall. You two are going to be drawing outlines to these animal pieces on the construction poet right there. We’re expecting about 200 kids”

“No problem” Oliver said looking at the green construction paper in front of him

“It’ll be a breeze” Claudia assured him as she took a pair of scissors and the elephant trunk and demonstrated. 

“So it’s like build a bear type of think but with other animals but they’re decorating their bags with them. That’s cute”

“Yeah, so are you gonna go to the career fair next week”

“The one at the convention center?”

“Yea, I heard there’s going to be several companies there.”

[Resume-FEMA, fucking, and non-profit]

“I plan on it. Do you know if any government agencies are gonna be there? I couldn’t find a roster anywhere”

“Not sure”

They continued working while talking about goals and aspirations when he noticed an alert on her phone. Knowing the conference due to getting the same alert an hour earlier, he asked her how she knew about it? Somewhat embarrassed, she snapped “What are you doing looking at my phone?!”

“I merely glanced over!” he exclaimed before taking her aside and confessing to being involved in the worlds oldest profession “I hate it. One would think attractive people and pleasure but there’s no real live and frankly it feels like a modern version of slavery. I can’t get a decent date to save my life”

After a moment of silence, she admitted that she was a phone sex operator and that she worked in evenings. “I have a friend who also is in high class escorting”

“High class?”

“Let’s talk about it later? How about we meet for a drink after work? We need to get a bit more of this done.”

Meanwhile, Damon was scouting on the web when his eye caught the attention of a webcam modeling website.

 He though about his current life and how he’d mange to file his taxes. He normally got a 1090 at the end of the year. He also though about the repercussions of this and the thought that the clientele could  be from his local area. He had a flashback to being deployed in Germany where he and some buds where in a night club, partying surrounded by beautiful women. “We are like royalty!”  He thought about a conversation he had with his peer about wanting to serve for eight years and then retire and start college. Little did he know that half way though that time frame that he’d suffer a back injury along w/ PTSD from witnessing the death of a friend at the hands of a grenade.

He applied for work with multiple agencies and thought about how he could sporadically work vs checking in daily. With webcam modeling he could set his own schedule. With that in mind he decided to text Oliver.

“Who was that?”

“My friend Damon”

“So about how long have you with with this company?”

“About six months. I’m trying to start grad school”

They chatted while filing paperwork. They talked about politics, racial issues, economic issues, and the like. Claudia made for good company. She graduated with two degrees. She majored in English Education and Journalism and worked as a teacher’s aide for a period. She was tired of the work with virtually no pay. She responded to an add. Currently she works for a phone sex. One has seen the commercials late at night. She’s one of them. Definitely more conventional than Oliver’s current job. 

As he was getting ready to eat lunch, she Claudia asked him if he wanted to eat while they worked. “Sure” he said as he went to grab his lunch out of his bag. 

“We work with several schools in their special ed departments”

“What do y’all do?”

”We will be finalizing contracts for events mainly. But we do outreach and after school programs on social etiquette and speech practices our goal is to  help those with autism be as integrated into society as possible” Noticing Oliver’s garden salad, she asked him “you health conscious?”

“Yep. Grew up like that. My parent’s rarely fried anything, but they didn’t ban them from the house. My mom was always big on vitamins and drinking plenty of water. I practice that today, to keep things under control. Being a diabetic, I have to watch it.”

Shocked at the revelation she asked him when he was diagnosed. He was diagnosed at 6 years old.

“I’m trying to lose weight, but I find myself emotionally eating more than I should”

Trying to avoid saying anything that could be interpreted as offensive, he simply said that he had his days too, hence the reason he goes to the gym six days/week, doing a combination of cardio and weights. After they finished eating lunch, they cut more construction paper and bagged it. They filed folders away for about an hour when Oliver signed out.”See you tomorrow?”

“You’ll see me in a couple of hours.”

The sun was beaming as Oliver drove home. He rolled down his window and plugged his phone in to have some music playing. He checked the mail and saw the electric bill was in. “Shouldn’t be this much” he said “I’m never home”

He checked his email as well as his escorting profile receiving three request including one overnight stay. Booking these trips back to back, he thought about his weekly check at $8.75/hr at 25 hrs per week along w/ the money from the three client’s that he’d earn. He’d have enough to pay his final payment on his only student loan and to pay his car note.

He kicked off his shoes to give his feet some air and called his mom.

[I’m being nice. This place is a shithole, in fact the only reason my unit isn’t laden with roaches is because I frequently buy those foggers and then I have to open the damn windows and door risking my shit being stolen. Also, Bengal and Boric Acid along the cracks and corners have done wonders.]

He looked up and realized that it was time to meet Claudia. He traded in his work outfit for a pair or black cargo shorts, a zero-nineteen tank top from K-Mart, and a pair of flip-flops and headed out. He got in the truck, turned the air on and arrived to the bar 20 minutes later. Locating Claudia at a table in the bar area we walked in to meet her when the waiter took their drink order.

[She’s a pharmacy tech and she still needs to be a lady of the evening by night? I’m fucked-literally and figuratively]

She advised him to update his profile to include massages and casual dates at a lower rate. While they were talking, A woman walks up, dark skin, about 5′9, in her mid 20s. She spotted Claudia and walked in the sit next to her.

“Hey chick!”

“Hey!”

“Hello, I’m Aya, how are your doing?” she said as she reached out to shake Oliver’s hand

“Oliver, I’m good. How about you?”

“So this is the guy? He’s cute”

“He’s taken”

“Actually I’m very available”

After ordering a drink, she begin to explain to Oliver how she got into her current part time job.  “I started off escorting however a client of mine introduced me to a coworker of his that owned a matchmaking service. I showed up to a mixer I went out on one date. I never saw the guy again afterwards. That said, he did mention to me that he had utilized services where one would rent a dates for events. I eventually branched off and begin advertising on craigslist and the like.”

“So do you still...….you  know?”

“Sporadically, but that’ll cost extra.”

Later that night, he decided to update his profile w/ additional services offered. He decided to try out a couple of speed dating events himself. He might even snap a client or two.  Perhaps, he’d been looking in the wrong places, maybe it was time for more upscale social functions. His current evening work was not a glamorous job and frankly it was quite dangerous. 

[Prostitution can be traced back as far as biblical times. Not a new profession and it’s a profession that’s always been available for the money. Sometimes, we use it to pay off a loan or some sort of debt. For others, it’s the love of sex. Some just like the temporary luxury that comes with being one’s bitch. Me? I’d like nothing more than to settle down. I know there’s a way. It may take a while to find it, but I refuse to have THIS be my stop.]

STORY SYNOPSIS

CHARACTERS

PART 4 TO FOLLOW

[vacationcalendar]

7/21/21

Oh hey! I’m back ;D

So I didn’t come back after dentist appointment, obviously. BUT, it wasn’t nearly as bad as I was imagining. I mean, it was bad, and it easily wiped out 10% of my net worth in an afternoon. Oops. You know, for someone who puts a lot of effort into living life with zero regrets, I certainly think I would have brushed my teeth a TAD more diligently as a child if I had known my poor smile would have made me unhappy every single day of my adult life while costing me constant pain, grief, and a couple month’s wages every now and again.

Can I be honest for a second? Give you hot take real quick? Hmm, ok, never mind. I was going to type out a spicy one, but while I was trying to find the words, I talked myself out of it. I was gonna say something around the area of “I had it rough as a kid; a took a couple licks from my old man, and I turned out fine” schtick. I feel like that notion gets dismissed too quickly. People hear that and go, “Ah, you just THINK you turned out fine. What you’re not factoring in is that you're a bigoted asshole.” But I think that dismisses it too quickly. I think if we deconstructed the situation a bit, me might be inclined to agree with some of those people. It wasn’t like a progressive, tolerant, patient, honest parenting couple was the one that gave their kid “something to cry about,” and then he turned into this raw, conservative a-hole. His parents were already raw, conservative a-holes. And then they didn’t do nearly enough to make sure that their child didn’t have a rough go of it while in their formative years. But their child was fine. In fact, he still grew up respecting their parents’ choices and decisions that raised him up. He in a very real sense did “turn out just fine.” The main problem was that he respects and trusts his parent’s judgment while his parent’s happen to completely out of touch with modern decency. Hey, did I start this paragraph out saying that I wouldn’t dispense a hot take, but then I went ahead and did it anyway? Hmm.. Well maybe my initial hot take was a little more unhinged, and you’re just reading the walked-back mild-sauce version of my take. But at this point I don’t even know myself what the original take was, so, shrug emoji.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Fuck this is so hard! I took a 2 hour break after that first chunk. I did some useful things (dishes, laundry) and some less useful things (youtube, a banger game of League). So now I just want to hit 1k more in my word count and get the fuck out of here before I crawl in a hole of procrastination so deep I die of the black lung. The hole of procrastination contains a lot of coal I guess. Does that make sense? Not really, but this all counts towards the 1k baby!!!! Here. We. A-go.

Ok, so. Let’s try this; let’s lay out everything that we can say we know for sure we want to happen in this next week. And don’t skip anything! Let’s try to get it all on here and see what it looks like:

Finish my laundry. Dryer cycle, fold and put away On that note- pack for the trip. We need Bathing suit (2! why not?!), undies, shorties, my comfy 90$ pants, shirts for moving, shirts for sitting, sockos, sandals go in the bag and tennies go on feet, hat??, yeah one hat, you never know, sunnies (2 pairs, that way I can kinda just leave lying around and see them more often, cuz when I see’s my sunnies, I wears ‘em. And that’s the kind of life that I’m trying to live baby, anything else? I’m looking at my clothes right now. Hmmm.... One hoodie just to be safe.  I also have to pack non-clothing. Phone + charger, Ipad + charger, Fitbit CHARGED ahead of time (I just plugged it in, nice. This is why we make this list like this). I’ll charge the headphones today later as well. My two books. My fullsized notebook for the analog blogs that will be happening. I just pulled a pen out so as not to forget that ish later. I’ll be bringing this Dark Matter Coffee that I have committed to going out and gathering VERY SOON. If a coffee bar closes earlier than a regular place of business I should make sure I get there before 3. But that is TIGHT, because I want to sweat AND shower AND groom myself to the tops before I go out today. And maybe you’re thinking, Max that’s still 2 and half hours, that’s not that tight. But I’ll also have laundry AND lunch AND I have to finish this goddamn BS, and this is sucking the life out of my like the vacuum of space sucks out your eyeballs. Hey by the way, quick aside, the fucking take that Jeff Bezos going into space (recent news*) was a waste of money is so fucking ice cold. How is that the only thing people can think to say? The problem is it’s so obviously true, and seemingly can’t stick with anyone in power that the comedy is fucking frozen in time. You can’t zag when everyone’s zigging because the zigging is objectively correct. This rich person driving the machine of capitalism directly into our own annihilation has frivolously gone into space and actualized everyone’s childhood fantasy of riding a rocketship into space. And the act of acquiring the means to actually make it possible has made him one of the more reviled figures in modern history; this ruined the idea of going to space “because anything is possible if you put your mind to it” for a lot of people, and it’s possible that this debacle has proven the “anything is possible” notion to be demonstrably false. People clamoring and hustling to try and make sure that Jeff Bezos doesn’t enjoy going into space to me just highlights the impossibility of amazing adventures like these. One of the first people ever to amass the resources to actually manifest one of the most exciting things humans can do: commerical spaceflight; literally the next step towards the ultimate frontier, has forced everybody back over to the truly old and awful take that the money used for this could be better spent solving more tangible problems. For decades, small-minded cowardly people have seen NASA break through the barrier of space time and time again and whined that those taxpayer dollars should have been for like fixing highways and shit. And they sucked for it. That sucks. And now Bezos goes up because we now live in a world where someone can just go up there, which should be so fucking interesting, and everybody else goes, “well this isn’t taxpayer money technically, but it basically is, and it’s actually MORE useful than taxpayer money somehow. This money didn’t have to get filtered through government bureaucracy so it could have like built a bunch of wells in Africa or provided healthcare to thousands of people. This miracle of science and engineering isn’t as valuable as the really simple problems that I can parse as the common man, and I’m pissed!” And it sucks because that ANCIENT complaint is now propped up by the fact that Jeff Bezos could only manage this by sitting on top of a capitalist system that is seemingly seconds away from exploding in a world-ending fireball. So this awesome thing that we’ve all hoped humanity could one day achieve finally happened, but it seemingly only was able to happen because capitalism is crushing millions of people under it’s heel. And I think maybe a capitalism 20 years ago was less divine. We could have seen a rich man in space and managed to empathize with him still. We could have imagined that could be us one day. It’s not possible anymore. The motivating system of meritocracy that keeps capitalism balanced is completely and utterly broken. So when everyone looks up and sees this fucking space trip, the only thing you can even see is blood. It took literal blood to get up there. And that’s not worth it, to anyone. Anyone except Jeff Bezos. Should I bring Shampoo with me? Might as well right. A whole week? That could be 7+ showers. I might need to put it in like a big ziploc baggie. Dark Matter closes at 6. We’re golden babe.

Love ya dude

[douchebagbrainwaves]

OK, I'LL TELL YOU YOU ABOUT BUBBLE

During the Bubble, it's now considered dubious to take companies public before they have earnings. They don't want search to work. Here's where benevolence comes in. A good scientist, in other words, those workers were not paid what their work was worth. Such tricks account for some variation in wealth, and indeed for some of the statements that get people in trouble, and start asking, could this be true? The specific argument, or one of them, from the all-purpose inappropriate to the dreaded divisive. If everything you believe is something you're given, then of course it seems that it should be helpful to anyone who wants to understand the essence of Lisp—is that it can be written in any number of different languages. Partly because, as components of oligopolies themselves, the corporations knew they could safely pass the cost on to their customers, because their competitors would have to as well. But if you're mostly interested in other questions, being labelled as a yellowist will just be a distraction. Now, thanks to technology, the time to act is always now.

Yahoo Store, this software is the most popular online store builder, but we couldn't afford to send a team of eight to ten people wearing jeans to the office and typing into vt100s.1 The iPhone and the iPad have effectively drilled a hole that will allow ephemeralization to flow into a lot of new areas. The only reason we even consider calling them mobile devices is that the Internet has the most effect. When there's something we can't say.2 There is no such thing as a freelance programmer. It will be a good time for startups. I believed these things were good because they were cheap. In the early 1990s I read an article in which someone said that software was a subscription business. If you work patiently it's less stressful, and you can do about this conundrum, so the best plan is to go for the smaller customers first.3 They made one seem old. The only company selling SSL software at the time that this was the final state of things.

Having good ideas is an alarmingly small component of being a good speaker.4 Most struggles, whatever they're really about, will be your own confidence in it.5 You pay more, but created new projects for them. The breakup of the Duplo economy happened simultaneously with the spread of computing power was a precondition for the rise of startups. Taking a company public at an early stage is simply retail VC: instead of going to venture capital firms for the last round of funding, you go to the theater and look at the YC application, there are ways to do it well or they can be swapped out for another supplier. A timeslice selected at random would more likely find me tracking down a weird DLL loading bug on Swedish Windows, or tracking down a weird DLL loading bug on Swedish Windows, or tracking down a weird DLL loading bug on Swedish Windows, or tracking down a bug in the financial model Excel spreadsheet the night before a board meeting, rather than something generated by doing what other people wanted, this is exactly what you'd get on noticing that some people made much more than others. The main value networks supply now is ad sales.6 The industries themselves changed. Investors' main question when judging a very early startup is whether you've made a compelling product.

Since the Internet was the big new thing, investors supposed that the more Internettish the company, not its market cap. Suppose you realize there is nothing the rich like more than convenience. Anyone can build whatever they want on it, and have never spoken to a group of people for decades. So a company making a mass-produced car can afford to be candid about what you haven't figured out yet. Partly because, as components of oligopolies themselves, the corporations knew they could safely pass the cost on to their customers, because their competitors would have to be careful to avoid if he happened to set his time machine for Cambridge, Massachusetts, 1992. It's good to talk about how you plan to make money selling hardware at high prices. But once it became possible to make lots of new things, partly because they're more flexible, and partly because they want the lower costs of new technology.

It seemed like everything around me was crap. Which can be transformed into: If you are persistent, even problems that seem out of your way to bring it up e. The phrase personal computer is part of the mob, stand as far away from the programmers. When people are bad at math, they know. The consolidation that began in the late 19th century continued for most of human history the usual way to accumulate a fortune by creating wealth, society as a whole ends up poorer.7 This may be true; this may be something we need to fix. As a founder, you're buying stock with work: the reason Larry and Sergey are so rich is not so much that they've done work worth tens of billions of dollars, but that it makes other people want to help them. It was only then I realized he hadn't said very much. These are supposed to be an inborn trait in humans. In the best case, total immersion can be exciting: It's surprising how much you can learn from them.8

It's still early days.9 And you know when to stop optimizing too: we eventually got the Viaweb editor behave more like desktop software. If ideas really were the key, a competitor with the same expectant air as a cat bringing you a mouse it has just killed. Partly that users needed him. In technical matters, you have another reason not to keep your job. But that's a mistake—an even bigger mistake than believing what everyone was saying in 1999. So a company making a mass-produced versions will be, for users and developers both. After a while, if you can.

You can hold onto this like a rope in a hurricane, and it was like trying to run through waist-deep water. And paying attention is more important to reliability than moving slowly. You don't have to send everyone the same signal, and you can release it as soon as it was starting to break up. Why climb a corporate ladder that might be at different companies. Central France in 1100, on. I was at Yahoo, I couldn't have done this. So for the next hundred years. And at least 90% of the work that even the highest tech companies do is of this second, unedifying kind. There's a shocking amount of shear stress at every point where a startup touches a more bureaucratic organization, like a dangerous toy would be for a toy maker, or a clothing retailer?

Notes

Steven Hauser. Top VC firms regularly cold email. Businesses have to do and everything I write out loud can expose awkward parts. You should probably pack investor meetings as closely as you get nothing.

I tried ranking users by both average and median comment score, and help keep the number of discrepancies currently blamed on various forbidden isms. Living on instant ramen would be improper to name names, while simultaneously implying that you're not doing anything with it, Reddit has had a day job might actually be bad if the students did well they would never guess she hates attention, because the Depression. My guess is a scarce resource. To study the quadrivium of arithmetic, geometry, music, and that there's more of the most general truths.

How much more fun in this essay, I didn't care about, just those you should prevent your beliefs about how the courses they took might look to an investor I don't know of no one who's had the discipline to pull ahead in the US is becoming less fragmented, the average NBA player's salary at the moment it's created indeed, from which Renaissance civilization radiated.

What drives the most powerful men in Congress, Sam Rayburn and Lyndon Johnson. To get all the way they have to include things in shows is basically a replacement mall for mallrats. I started doing research for this essay. What they forget is that the worm infected, because it was cooked up, how little autonomy one would have met 30 people he meets at parties he's a real partner.

World War II had disappeared.

Icio. Presumably it's lower now because of that.

For example, if I can hear them in their racks for years while they may then, depending on how much effort it costs. But you couldn't do the startup is rare. Investors are professional negotiators, and b the valuation should be clear and concise, because such users are stupid. I know of at least what they give with one of the most dramatic departure from his predecessors was a kid that you'd want to figure out yet whether you'll succeed.

He devoted much of observed behavior.

I say in principle is that they can get done before that. If all the combinations of Web plus a three hour meeting with a faulty knowledge of human nature, might come from meditating in an urban context, issues basically means things we're going to get great people to do tedious work. Founders are often compared to what you care about may not be to diff European culture have in 1800 that Chinese culture didn't, they would probably find it was considered the most, it's easy for small children pointed out that taking an angel investment from a company's culture.

Thanks to Harj Taggar, Matthias Felleisen, Aaron Swartz, Sam Altman, Trevor Blackwell, Naval Ravikant, Garry Tan, and Jessica Livingston for sparking my interest in this topic.

[cosmosogler]

oh my god, yesterday was the wooooorst.

i left for the airport on time. the bus app said that the bus would arrive at the stop in 10 minutes (and it was a 2 minute walk away). so i had 2 hours to make a ~30 minute ride.

i missed the bus by so much that i didn’t even see it drive away from the stop before i arrived. the app had just, completely lied i guess? the rest of the day was also like that.

so i walked to the downtown station to try to catch the other bus. i also just missed that one according to the lady at the counter. she said the next downtown bus was coming in 40 minutes. so i called a taxi after fretting about it for a few minutes. the taxi driver said they’d be there in 15-20 minutes so i was like “ok.” the other route would go by in a half hour so a taxi would be faster.

the taxi took over 40 minutes to arrive. i told them never mind and got on the second bus. they said they had just pulled into the station and seemed pretty salty about it. but like... that was more than twice as long as they said they’d take.

the bus didn’t leave the station for another ten minutes. i made the wroooong choice. the bus also stopped at every single stop along the route and got stuck at some long red lights. i called my mother. i complained about it to harrison. but nothin was gonna make that bus go faster.

i missed my flight by 10 minutes.

i got put on the next flight... which was in six hours. instead of 9 or 10 pm, i’d be getting home at 3 am (my time). so i spent 6 hours bumming around the airport. i couldn’t get food when i was hungry because the person behind the counter at the snack bar didn’t show up for a very long time. i started drawing a picture on my ipad that i’d planned on working on during the flight.

the flight took off late. i had had a 20 minute layover in charlotte, so every single minute was making me more and more antsy. then when we arrived in charlotte we got put at the wrong gate so the plane sat there for more than 5 minutes before trundling away to the new gate.

the gate was at the end of one terminal. the plane i had to catch was on the other end of the airport at the end of another terminal. i sprinted!!! i had ten minutes to get there!!!

i was really bummed because you’d think since i can bike 12 miles that i could run for more than one minute before completely losing my breath and stamina. though to be fair i had not eaten and was wearing a heavy backpack and a bra that’s a little too tight. i was wheezing after a few seconds.

i actually made it? and i got my boarding pass printed at the counter with 4 minutes to spare before boarding started. i ran back to the bathroom but the line was so long i’d never make it back to the gate (the area was under construction and the nearest bathroom was more than 2 minutes away from the gate). 

it had been a few hours since i’d gotten to use the restroom, and with my gallbladder out i’ve had less... like, tolerance for waiting. that might be a “stress has destroyed my body” thing more than a gallbladder thing though.

anyway i had to fidget in my plane seat for 45 minutes while waiting for boarding to end and the takeoff and then we had to reach cruising altitude.

on the flight my ipad pencil wouldn’t connect to the ipad (airplane mode i guess?) so i couldn’t draw for the 5 hours i was sitting there. i got out smash instead since i got my 3ds fixed the other day... i got really REALLY good at hitting rest on a moving target as jigglypuff. i spent like 40 minutes doing nothing but that. the other hour was just working on general combos and taking on the computer as dedede. because i had nothing else to do and wanted to get good at it again. i made a gunner mii based off blue but the mii characters don’t really seem to have any natural combos? it’s just really hard to rack up damage with them. jumbi’s way easier to play as, at least. she’s got a sword.

my thumb started hurting from the new thumb stick (it wasn’t broken in yet i guess) so i put the game away and dozed for the rest of the flight. i made some notes for the story... just thinkin about how i wanted to work out some conversations. i mostly wanted to rest because i’d be getting home at 4 am in the morning my time, the airport is an hour away from my parents’ house. i didn’t get any sleep at all.

when i got to the airport my mom and dad were actually there? i thought they’d be picking me up at the curb. but they snuck up behind me while i was trying to get to baggage claim and mom almost pushed me down the escalator.

dad acted like everything’s normal. and i guess things are “normal” now. as in, this is the new normal, because dad has either completely ignored what he did or forgotten about it. 

he probably forgot about it. grabbing and threatening me and using real personal insults wasn’t a big deal ~to him~. grabbing me while i was laying in bed trying to sleep wasn’t a big deal ~to him~.

i pretended to sleep on the car ride home but again couldn’t manage to doze off. i wrote a few more story notes in my memo after a while because i gave up.

when i got home i went basically right to bed without even putting on pajamas and then i couldn’t sleep. wiley came to cuddle with me for a little bit. once he was satisfied that he had stepped on me enough times he left. i still couldn’t sleep.

when i finally did doze off, i woke up like two hours before my alarm was set to go off. so i guess i got like five hours of sleep maybe?

today was a blur. i spent a large fraction of it scanning in my old comic pages. i couldn’t get my sketchbook to fit in the scanner though no matter what i tried (i tried a lot of arrangements). so i’ll either figure that out later or not bother. there was a big dark line down the left side of the images. i was also a little upset that my loose pages didn’t fit in the scanner, so there’s a bit of the side clipped off every page image now. i was so broken up about how much i was losing that i didn’t even change the deviantart images. i know i shouldn’t put stuff on the edges of the page, but i didn’t really register it when i started the comic. i had started to use the whole page, and i put dialogue at the top and off to the sides to give myself more room to draw. i had to erase and redraw a lot of speech bubbles.

then i think i dicked around online for a while, uploading the images and stuff, and then i went downstairs to try to draw on the ipad and maybe finish that picture i’d started. i don’t think it’s going to be a fast picture... i don’t have the energy for shading though.

my brother came home so i said “hi” and “nice anime hair.” his hair is more than twice as long as mine, at least in the front. in the back it’s not quite that much longer. we drove out to freddy’s for dinner and both got real sick from the greasy burgers. he got it worse though because i had a veggie burger. then we got ice cream because we’re geniuses.

then we got groceries but i couldn’t find any tempeh. so tacos are gonna have to wait.

mom came home at 8 pm. she’d been out of the house working or driving to/from work for 13 hours today. she’s going to work for 6 hours tomorrow too. she told me about our my financial situation. but then she gave me a bunch of excuses to not teach me how to do taxes yet again this year.

i gotta start paying off my student loans though. can’t let that interest build up.

villanova apparently blew all my parents’ retirement funds. i didn’t realize they didn’t actually provide us with any financial aid. we couldn’t get loans because of the retirement money... all i managed to do at villanova was almost die!

while i was hanging out with my brother he made a few “jew” jokes. i pretended to be extremely confused. he asked if i’d never heard of jew jokes before and i shrugged and said not really. at least it got him off track. he didn’t tell any more.

i need to read up on how to deal with family members who get... weird about race. my brother’s already made holocaust jokes though. he’s been doing that. i get the feeling he fell in with the wrong crowd. i don’t remember what to do about it.

genevieve seems bored to tears. from the way my family describes her behavior she seems... depressed. she won’t go for walks. she doesn’t leave her bed and doesn’t come when called. she still won’t touch the stairs and she doesn’t spend much time in the backyard. 

i got her to come twice when i called today at least. i had to be really insistent and annoying but she did come over eventually and i highly praised her generosity. that seemed to cheer her up. she wagged her tail and everything. it’s so hot out... maybe tomorrow i can get her to go to the park for a few minutes. we’ll see. 

whenever i try to interact with eve my family, like, tells me how it is with her. like she’s just Like That now and there’s nothing they can do about it. “she won’t go up the stairs. she just won’t.” “she won’t come when we call her. she just looks at us. that’s all she does.” when i called eve my brother actually interrupted me to tell me yet again that she doesn’t come when called.

i got her to come.

when i try to encourage eve to check out the stairs my mother has interrupted me three times to tell me eve won’t go up the stairs. like she doesn’t want me to even try. eve is so lonely. i can tell. she’s bored and lonely. that’s why she’s started chewing up cardboard and stuff left on the floor.

i’m gonna take my work downstairs tomorrow and work in the kitchen i think. 

this evening i tried to start drawing for the comic again. i got one panel done, but IT’S SO HOT HERE. MY HANDS WERE SWEATING BEFORE I COULD EVEN PICK UP THE PENCIL. EVERYTHING GOT SO SMUDGED!!! it’s going to be a real struggle to finish two scenes this week. ten pages... i’ve got three finished already and in my drafts on the comic. so, i need to draw seven pages. i’ll work on it tomorrow if i can. these pages might suffer because of the heat though. i smudged one of the older pages before i could even get it in the scanner. i somehow got graphite on my LEFT hand, which never gets smudgy when i work... it’s always the side of my right hand since i rest it on the paper so it doesn’t shake.

my back really, really hurts. my shoulders and neck also really hurt. i tried stretching, but i didn’t really put a lot of effort into it... i always feel so, like, unable to do things here. unwilling to do things, maybe. lethargic. i didn’t get to meditate yesterday and i’m skipping it tonight because i don’t want to make noise with the guided thing. i’ve been lax about it anyway. i feel so on edge.

when i tried to have lunch at like 10:30 (? i lost track of time) this morning i was immediately very ill. so i ended up not having any food for about 27 hours, if we decide to cut out the leftovers adventure there. i didn’t try to eat again until i went out with my brother. to fast food... only good decisions, folks!!

still feeling super lethargic even though i finished a panel. i’ve got a lot of drawing to do. i hope tomorrow i feel better. on sunday i’m going to the movies with asher, i think. 

you know what i’m probably feeling so low energy because i didn’t eat for so long and also i haven’t slept well in two days. or, really, in a very long time, but especially the last two nights. i still need to talk to mom about finances for, like, hiring a study specialist... i don’t think we’re going to have the money to afford the psychiatrist my therapist recommended. she REALLY wants me to get a second opinion on my meds but i just don’t think it’s a big enough deal to warrant shelling out for full price psychiatrist appointments. that doctor doesn’t take insurance and it’s just... i know how expensive this gets. it’s already expensive enough getting even regular check ups for snoopy.

i hate living here... it’s so dirty and dusty and dilapidated. in my apartment i keep everything pretty orderly and don’t hold on to things i’m not using. or at least, i try not to. i don’t have enough space to hoard random stuff and i don’t get that attached to those things anyway. my mom won’t even throw out old food that nobody ate for the 3 years before it went bad (2 years ago). they’ve been using my room as a storage space while they paint the game room, but that project’s going super slow because they’ve been at it for months now. so now there’s just tons of crap stacked in front of my dresser (so i can’t actually get to the clothes i left here) and you can’t even get to my sister’s door. she’s in korea anyway i guess so that doesn’t matter as much.

ok anyway i’ve been writing for a while now. thanks for listening. i’ve got a lot more sore muscles than just my back and neck and shoulders. maybe i pulled something while sprinting around the airport yesterday, because breathing is a chore and my legs are just... not feelin it. i’m just trying really hard not to get sick. my mom came in my room and coughed all over me without even covering her mouth so it’s like, well, guess i don’t have any control over that either! 

high stakes, no control!!!!!!!!! just how i’m used to it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

it’s 11:40 arizona time but i know my body thinks it’s way later. i’m so tired. i don’t think i’ll be able to sleep though. guess i should try anyway.

[clown-bait]

29 Neibolt ST (Monster Roommate AU) CH 11

WhoooOOOOooooo’s ready for some domestic monster bullshit?! So I head cannon that Penny is a secret plumbing expert from living in a sewer for centuries. Also finally introducing one of the main antagonists hope you guys like horror comedy because its about to get GOOFY AF. 

CHAPTER11

Party Prep

Pennywise had been insufferable all day. It seems like ever since he finally was able to get a date with Leech the clown was on cloud 9. Normally having him in a good mood would be a positive thing but when its mixed with an ego boost and pride he became a cocky asshole hell bent on showing everyone how fantastic he is. “What’s the matter Freddy? Jealous that I'm the one with a beautiful woman on my arm this time?” he taunted. They were both attempting to figure out the plumbing situation after Tiffany threw the rampage to end all rampages when Penny “forgot” to fix the problem overnight.

“You know I thought having you in a good mood for once would make things better.”

“You’re so jealous.” the clown sneered.

“I don't know why you're so smug, you know you're going to have to tell her you love her eventually now that you're dating and we all know that you cant handle feelings” Chucky said pretending to help so Tiff would get off his back. The girls were out shopping with Drac, leaving the rest of the boys to figure out the plumbing issue.

“I can put it off.”

“PFF famous last words Jingles this is a chick we’re talking about here” said Freddy

“Like you've ever been in this situation.”

“I’m not a commitment type of guy clown”

“Look Pennywise trust me, girls go crazy for that touchy feely stuff. You need to say something sooner or later or she's gonna end up stabbing you in the heart.” the doll said.

“Was that a metaphor or something that actually happened to you?” asked Freddy

“…..both”

————

“Ok what to get a homicidal maniac with the mind of a child.” Leech and the rest of the gang were down town attempting to accomplish the simple task of shopping for someone other than themselves.

The three monsters were struggling, they needed to surprise their enormous roommate with the perfect gift but it was proving difficult to shop for him since Leatherface never spoke. They knew the giant liked sweets and already had plans to bake a bunch of them once the boys figured out the plumbing issue, but they wanted to get him something special that wasn't just another chainsaw.

“Perhaps a pocket watch?”

“Drac sweetie the 1600s ended a long time ago.” Tiffany rolled her eyes

“We could just pool out money and get him an iPad like most parents this day and age”

“We all agreed this is going to be special Leech, you cant half ass it this time.”

The vampires groaned. “Why is this so hard! Lets just get him a giant pumpkin for Halloween or something they had some at the grocery store earlier”

“Ah! I got it a new hat!”

“Between the out dated advice and your half baked ideas it'll be a wonder if we accomplish anything at all….” Tiff sighed

They stood on the sidewalk of the down town shopping area overwhelmed and exhausted with each other.

“Ok, lets just go store to store till we find something. If we fail completely we can just get him a new meat cleaver or something.” The younger vampire said

“An excellent plan! Let us begin in the vintage clothing store yes?”

“Drac, we are here to get a gift not a new blouse.” Tiff said.

“I do not wear blouses”

“You totally do” Leech sneered at him with a mischievous grin. She’d been hanging out with Kruger and the clown too much.

“Do not think your sass can work on me apprentice. Your beloved clown may let you get away with being unlady-like but I will not tolerate such behavior.” The elder vampire warned.

“Ok he’s not my beloved were just dating”

“You lie to your own heart my dear. Open yourself to love!”

“Dracula's romance novel in the works aside, where are you guys with that any way?”

“I mean…. I guess I might love him? I don't even know if he's actually capable of returning my feelings since it took me screaming at him to actually get him to go on a date with me. He did call me his mate though, so progress I guess?” Leech blushed and fidgeted with her wig.

“You must make his heart realize its true feelings! He knows not why it beats for you!” Dracula sang out.

“I bet we can get him to admit it! Come on hun I got an idea! Drac! come’re!” the doll whispered something into his ear.

“YES! this is an excellent plan we shall begin immediately!”

“Aren’t we supposed to be shopping for a gift?”

“Like you said well find something along the way!”

———————-

Tiff pushed Leech into the nearest clothing store Dracula excitedly fowled behind.

“Guys I really don't need new clothes”

“NONSENSE! Your’s are in shambles my dear! Look at them! Your jeans are ripped and that tshirt is drab!” The elder vampire said grabbing garments off the racks.

“Excuse me but I happen to like ripped jeans and t-shirts thank you very much”

“TONIGHT IS NOT ABOUT COMFORT MY DEAR YOU MUST LOOK YOUR BEST TO WIN HIS COLD HART!” Dracula was getting carried away once again.

“Besides the club were going to would never let you in like that you need a wardrobe update…. and maybe some makeup to hide those dark circles.” said Tiffany

“Penny likes my dark circles”

Dracula sighed “We shall make a lady out of you yet my dear!”

————-

“Move Kruger, you're going to do it wrong” Pennywise grabbed Freddy’s face to shove him out of the way

“I worked in a school boiler room for years I know my way around pipes”

“Excuse me, I LIVE in a sewer I think I'm the most qualified here!”

Chucky rolled his eyes so hard he was worried they were going to fall out. The two had been arguing over pipes for a good half hour now. The living doll had been texting Tiffany out of boredom. (this is a rough translation as Chuck and Tiff communicate almost entirely in emojis)

“Babe save me, the clown and Kruger haven't made any progress. :’( “ he typed

“</3 aw poor baby were having a much better time.”

“>:( no fair what trouble are you getting into.”

“giving the baby vampire a make over for her big date tonight xoxo”

“omfg i should do that with the clown maybe it'll shut him up for a bit >:) ”

“YES! we have to get them together be home in a few hours <3”

“see you soon sugar tits <3<3<3”

“gross Chucky”

“ ;)”

Chucky put his phone away in his front overalls pocket to look up at the scene in front of him Freddy was shooting water into Pennywise’s face laughing as the clown roared and hissed at him. Tiffany had the easy job he thought to himself.

—————

“Alright how does it look, I cant see it so you'll have to help me out here”

“PFF you look like my grandma” Tiffany snorted

“Enough with your laughter girl doll, she looks like a true lady!”

“This thing itches and I can barely breathe.” Leech clawed at the fabric.

“BEAUTY IS NOT COMFORTABLE MY DEAR”

“Lets try something else hun. Something more casual and simple, less ballroom”

She grabbed a simple black dress tight at the top and pleated at the bottom a large belt around the waist. “all we need are some boots!”

“Wait Tiff I cant walk in heels!!”

———-

“Ok clown when she arrives at the party you have to offer her your arm and pull out her chair for her” Chucky instructed.

“Why would I do that? Leech is more than capable of doing all that herself I don't need to do that for her.”

“Its the gentlemanly thing to do idiot ”

“ Human customs are so strange.”

“Focus! Do you have anything to give her?”

“No?”

Chucky sighed “ok so human females are obsessed with jewelry give her something shiny and you'll pretty much be in the clear, don't you have like a giant pile of crap in the sewer? grab something out of there.”

“Shiny. Got it.” The clown was barely paying attention.

“Don't forget to tell her about your massive dick!”

“Kruger! You're not helping! Were trying get the clown laid here not punched in the face!!”

“But we've already mated several times?” Pennywise turned confused.

“No, no, no! This time its going to be different, this time you're going to be in love and its gonna be way more intense. Trust me.” the doll said.

“I don't love,,,”

“PFFFT THATS A LOAD OF HORSE SHIT” Freddy laughed loudly.

“Most importantly don't insult her and do everything you can to impress her. Do that dancing thing you do, chicks dig that”

“Look I don't see how this will be any different than the other times we've been together”

“It's a daaattee Jingles! Girls put special meaning on that word. You aren't just hanging out, you’re…. well you know” the doll raised and lowered his plastic eyebrows

“Wait if a date is just a fancy way to begin mating then why am I doing all this? Seems like a waste of time to me” Pennywise complained “I’ll just show up in her room like usual!”

“Clown its because girls fucking like it” the doll groaned giving up on this lost cause.

Suddenly the shower head turned on without warning, water blasting out of it with tremendous force. It turned and sprayed Chucky so hard he fell off the counter while a storm of toothbrushes and tools flew around the room. A screwdriver stabbed Pennywise in the eye causing him to roar in pain. Meanwhile Freddy was being strangled by Tiffany’s hair care appliances frantically trying to cut the chords with his clawed hand. Pipes unexpectedly broke apart and started spraying water everywhere, the cabinets banged open and shut, and the toilet had begun laughing at them. In fact the entire bathroom was laughing at them. The gang yelled and shouted in confusion “WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING?” screamed Chucky

“MY FUCKING EYE” Penny howled in rage

“YOUR BATHROOM IS HAUNTED AS SHIT CLOWN” Freddy roared still wrestling with the hair dryer

The toilet laughed and spoke up “MOOOONSTERSSS??? YOU CALL YOURSELVES MONSTERRRRSS? LOOK AT YOU! PATHETIC WEAK SHELLS OF WHAT YOU ONCE WERE HAHAHAHAHA YOU ARE NO MONSTERS! BUT WE’RE HERE NOW, WEVE BEEN SET FREE AND SOON ALL WILL JOOOOIIINN USSSSS.”

“OH SHIT! ITS THESE ASSHOLES!” Freddy yelled

“YOU FUCKING KNOW THEM?” the clown roared trying to get the screwdriver out of his head his current form becoming less and less held together.

“LONG TIME NO SEE FREDDDYYY! YOU STILL OWE US FROM LAST TIMEE WE WERE- WAIT!! SOMEONE IS HERE! SOMEONE IS COMING! WHO CAN IT BEEEE? WHO CAN IT BEEEEEEEE? OOOOHH!! ITS………YOUR LOVEEEERRRSS!!! POOR POOR MONSTERS SOON WE WILL TAKE THEM! WE WILL TAKE THEM FOR HIM AND THEN WE WILL BE FREE TO TAKE ALL”

Everything stopped abruptly as if something was sucked out of the room. Appliances turning back to normal as if nothing ever happened.

“First of all you jackasses, Dracula is my roommate. We have an odd couple thing going ok?”

“Kruger! NOT the time” Chucky shouted.

“…..H eE Lp” Pennywise gurgled out barely maintaining a human voice.

The door opened downstairs.

“Hey boys were home!” Tiffany called up to them.

Leech climbed the stairs and made her way to her room but froze when she heard moans of pain and a large puddle of water coming from the bathroom.

“Jesus guys how'd you fuck up this ba- WHAT THE FUCK”

——————

“Hold still I'm going to pull it out.” Leech gripped the screwdriver in Penny’s head “ok on the count of 3” Pennywise’s good eye flicked up at her.

“One….. two… three! ” the clown gurgled and grabbed her hands and they pulled together. The tool finally dislodging its self from Pennywise's head causing him to howl in pain blood floating up from the wound.

“Shit Pen you ok?” she cradled the side of his face not caring about cutting herself on the razor sharp teeth splitting his cheeks.

“…H u RT” he managed to say starting to put himself back together.

She ran her fingers though his hair and kissed the top of his head. Pennywise winced at first but leaned into her touches shutting his one good eye and purring faintly at her comforting him. As powerful as the eldritch horror was he was a complete baby when it came to pain sometimes.

“We leave you alone for 4 hours and not only do you guys flood the bathroom again, you end up stabbed and strangled in the process. What the fuck happened?”

“It's a Kandarian demon” growled Freddy “someone read from that damn book again”

“How do we get rid of it?” asked Chucky getting up off the floor

“Find out who sent it”

“And just how do you know all this Kruger?” Pennywise asked finally somewhat back to normal minus his eye.

“I owe it money.”

-----------------------------------

YEAH EVIL DEAD MOTHERFUCKERS! So fun fact Evil Dead was the horror series that literally saved my life so it holds a very special place in my heart. And yes Ash is going to show up. Stay tuned for more deadite fuckery, including musicals, mutilation, and insults! Also bringing in a new OC next chapter who I think everyone will like! So get hype friends!

[theslayover]

A typical day at MIA

After a hectic 48 hours back in Miami to visit a sick relative, I have a 6:21 p.m. flight back to San Francisco. At 4pm my mother- who is stressed from work and having her mother-in-law in the hospital for a myriad of symptoms that could only make sense in an episode of House- decides the dishes in the sink need to be cleaned. And the counter cleaned. And the magazines arranged. I help where I can but try not to push the woman, whose (and I preface this with my mom is the best mom ever) fuse is so short when she’s stressed it’s almost mythical. 

We finally leave around 4:25pm.  The normally 20 minute journey is now between 30 and 40 minutes, apparently because they’ve closed one highway, there’s going to be a basketball game, and because Miami cannot go a day without at least 57 accidents. I wouldn’t generally care but in the back of my mind I’m slightly concerned as my roll-aboard is full of precious cargo: malanga and calabaza that I need for my abuela’s famous caldo recipe and that I cannot get in San Francisco. I can’t imagine I’m violating some random agricultural rule but #Florida. 

Using a combination of Waze, Google maps, my mother’s incorrect intuition and prayers we finally make it to the airport after 5:00pm and my flight boards at 5:40pm. On top of it all, I really wanted to get a cup of coffee before the flight. This sounds like a 1st world problem, however: 

1) I had a lot of work to do and needed to make the most of the 6-hour flight. 

2) Airplane coffee tastes like a young coffee who had all his hopes and dreams in front of him until his parents died and he ended up in the foster system, bounced around house to house cared for by people who only saw him as a paycheck, and then eventually turned to a life of gang violence and drugs. 

I try not to be too stressed, reminding myself that I have both CLEAR and TSA pre-check. 

I run to the security checkpoint and wiz through with CLEAR. No problem. Then the associate informs me that pre-check is closed. It’s 5 goddam pm. The airport is mobbed, why? I’m handed a blue card that allows me to keep my shoes on through security but for the most part I’m stuck in the long, regular security line with throngs of people, all whom from their behavior I can only assume have never flown before. I feel rage surge inside me and think how Miami is a 3rd world country when it comes to logistics. But no, Lauren. You meditated today. You practice A Course in Miracles. How can you judge this way? I breathe deeply and repeat today’s mantra and tell myself it’ll be ok. 

The gentleman next to go through the metal detector steps through. BEEP BEEP BEEP goes the machine. He forgot to take off his belt. For fuck’s sake. He strips it and steps through and BEEP BEEP BEEP I hear again. His wallet. Blessed be. He steps through once more and BEEP BEEP BEEP. The security guard lets him through. Wait what. A mixture of relief and alarm rush over me at once. Please tell me what they missed wasn’t a concealed weapon in his boxers. It’s 5:20pm.

The next gentleman goes through and BEEP BEEP BEEP. My metaphysical ears bleed. 

I finally make it past all the First Time Flying Club’s members and a Portuguese family of 4 who have every iPad and child electronic imaginable, set my bags on the x-ray, tear out my laptop- one of the cons of Diet Pre-check- and I go through the metal detector. I set the fucking thing off. Thanks Cartier Love bracelet. I tell the confused TSA associate the bracelet is literally screwed onto my wrist (I feel so stupid saying this aloud...this is why women make less) and make my way to the higher security machine. I make it through without a hitch and run to the conveyor with my bags in time to see the man running the X-Ray pull my roll-aboard to the side for a bag check. Of course. It’s just before 5:30pm and I stand in silent horror as the man who is to perform bag searches decides to pick up every bin off of the conveyors before conducting the search. But I know better than to rush him, as then he’ll also decide to go back to school and get a medical degree before helping me. 

He finally decides it’s time to actually make sure my bag doesn’t have a bomb in it. I walk over to the examination area and anxiously wait as he open my suitcase. He unzips the side area inside my Away bag and he pulls out a bag of coffee. Oh. That’s what set off the alarm. Of course. But as he’s pulling it out he sees the calabaza. I explain to him in Spanish “It’s calabaza and I need it for my grandmother’s caldo recipe,” have laughing half pleaing (please God not the calabaza). He seems pretty un-phased. He goes to search the other side of my bag, saying the machine saw something else solid. “Pan?” (bread) he asks. But then he finds the malanga. “You’re taking all of Miami back with you!” he says. “It’s for my grandmother’s recipe, I can’t find this in San Francisco, Mexicans don’t really cook with malanga!” I exclaim. He places the malanga back in my suitcase, looks at me seriously and says “I bet Mexicans have never seen a malanga.” I didn’t have time to contemplate the strange cultural burn. I thanked him profusely and dashed to my next stop. 5:35pm.

I get to the Starbucks line, which is blessedly short. Three people head of my and about 5 minutes till boarding. The next person approaches the register and places an order, and the cashier gives them the total. The person looks at the cashier, seemingly surprised that they have to pay and only then starts to rifle through their bags looking for a wallet. 

It’s always been pet peeve for my father and I when a person will stand in and go through an entire line and only after ordering do they start to look for money. I can’t stand wasting people’s time and you think at an airport this would be less common but this is MIA, and it’s clearly everyone’s first time flying. 

I make it to the gate just at the start of pre-boarding (because nothing is on time in Miami), at about 5:45. I walk onto the plane panting, coffee and bags in hand. I think of all those photos of celebrities and influencers who travel through airports looking so adorable. Do they actually look like that, or do they take stock photos at various airports and just load them when they go on a trip? 

The pilot’s voice on the PA interrupts my #lifehack idea: “Ladies and gentlemen, we are already to take off here but we’ve just been alerted that someone must have removed one of the covers of the floor emergency exit signs, and the bulb has also been destroyed. We are contacting Maintenance now and will be back to you shortly with a fix update. As you know with the latest airline incidents (thank Boeing) we are all being extra cautious.”

I’m overtaken by mixture of laughter and disbelief; thoughts raced through my head: 

“Of course after all that, we ‘d be delayed anyway.”

“This has got to be the craziest reason for a delay I’ve experienced”

“I’m pretty sure if we are going down, my inability to find one of the 40 emergency exit signs will not save us.”

“This might be the first time I could understand anything the pilot said over the PA.”

Passengers start to deplane, anxious to get on a different flight in hopes of making connections or at least to yell at gate agents, who will undoubtedly out IDGAF them 10:1. 

After texting and sharing a few laughs with family and friends via text, I decide I might as well start working so I can get most of it out of the way before I get too tired. I reach for my backpack to take out my laptop- and realize I’ve left it at security. 

Being a veteran of pre-check I NEVER take my laptop out of my bag anymore. With the scare of getting my roll-aboard searched, I forgot to replace it after it came out of the X-Ray. I run to the front of the plane and tell the flight attendants I don’t want to cancel this flight but only need to grab my laptop. Thankfully since people were deplaning anyway, I was able to get off.

I raced down the terminal, the sound of my flip flops drawing stares and snickers as they watched a small woman in a maxi dress race across a terminal. Of course my gate was the farthest. I got to security gasping for air. Through my lungs loudly fighting for life, I explained to the TSA agents my plight. They had my laptop and let it go before I managed to log into it, I suppose they figured no one would purposely steal a 12 pound, soiled HP. 

I raced back down the terminal and gasping even more loudly, got back onto the plane. My seatmate saw me and gave me a silent “yay!” as I walked down the aisle. I plopped myself ever so gracelessly onto the seat, breathing (panting) a sigh of relief. The pilot’s voice comes back over the PA: “ladies and gentlemen, I really apologize but we don’t know how long it’s going to be, so we are going to go ahead and deplane.” Motherfuck.

The rest of the evening consisted of other fun things like finding out that all the other United planes at the airport were some other type of Boeing, and our plane had a slightly different size of emergency exit cover, finally bumming one off an American Airlines plane (the one good thing that airline has ever done for me), and then taking off 2 and 1/2 hours later. 

This sounds like a crazy, stressful day and it kind of was. But in situations like these I’ve found that when you find yourself stressing and adamant that something has to work a certain way, and your actions become reactive, anxious and impatient, that’s when things really go wrong. Being worked up has made me forget things (like my laptop), gotten me into fender benders, arguments and in the end, nowhere. Even in times when I’ve gotten what I wanted after seemingly swimming against the universe’s current, it’s never been as good as I thought.

When you think of it, if the plane hadn’t been delayed, I would’ve realized the laptop was missing when we are already in the air. There was no WiFi on that flight (ah United), so I would’ve been fit to be tied for SIX HOURS not being able to work on the presentation for the next day, not being able to tell anyone, wondering if it was stolen etc. My mom’s and my drive to the airport was stressful navigating and we didn’t really get to enjoy our last moments together.

So if my crazy/ funny story can help you take a step back before your brain Hulk’s out, my job here is done. And when you feel ready to see how enlightened you are, make sure you fly out of Miami.  

[rhina988]

Indecent Proposal - Chapter 1

I got an amazing request from @legolasothranduilion to start writing this story, and the idea was so incredible that I couldn’t deny it. I honestly hope you’ll like my interpretation of your vision, and that you (and the rest of you guys) will enjoy reading it. 

By the title itself you may figure out what the story is going to be about, but I won’t reveal anything juicy. :)

Feel free to comment, and leave feedback, and thanks for reading.

Melody’s POV

“These fucking reporters will seriously drive me crazy one day”, Jared said and tossed the tabloid across the yard.

“I told you not to go to that after party, but you just had to, didn’t you?” Emma bickered at Jared not looking away from her iPad. I swear this woman was a robot. And one of my idols for sure. She’s working 24/7, and Jared doesn’t even try to make it easy on her. 

“Don’t I deserve some fun? Can’t I relax the way I want to? No, because being a rock star and an actor, director and everything else I do just puts me under the spotlight that I don’t even want to be a part of” Jared was frustrated and started pacing across the yard. 

“Melody, would you please take care of the next week’s flights and hotels? I have to take care of this weeks errands” Emma asked me, still being all in her iPad.

“Of course, no problem” I said and immediately started browsing through available flights. Jared had to travel to New York, and later to Milan so I was helping Emma arrange everything. She hired me as her assistant almost a year ago, since she was too wrapped up with planning her wedding, and of course dealing with Jared’s job and life. She needed all the help she could get at the time. And now she got used to having me around, so I stuck around. Hopefully for a long time.

Jared wasn’t so pleased with that decision of hers at first, but since she really had too much stuff going on, he decided she could hire someone, but the final decision had to be unanimous. Which basically meant that he’s the one deciding who’s in and who’s out - as always. That man always had his way with everything. It’s either Jared’s way or the highway. 

“Melody...? What do you mean... Emma, are you even listening to what I’m saying? ” Jared started to freak out and raised his voice at Emma.

“I can’t take your drama right now Jared. I’m in over my head with work, and you are wining like a little girl. You made this mess, and I’ll fix it as always, just stop the drama. Please!” Emma said seriously and gave him a stern look.

“I’m not making any drama. I’m pissed for a reason. This is the third damn news this week, and they’re turning me into a freaking playboy. And I didn’t even kiss any of those girls, let alone something else. You know I hate these kind of shit.” Jared started hissing at Emma.

“If I said I’ll fix it, I’ll fix it” Emma raised her eyebrows and pointed her finger at him letting him know she’s serious.

“Fine. But why is Melody doing your work? She’s supposed to be doing small stuff you can’t do, not something so big as my flight. Do you want me to end up in Michigan instead of Milan?” Jared was determined to insult my competence, which he used every opportunity to do. 

He did like my resume, and he approved Emma’s choice to hire me, but he was never fond of me. I could tell. I just didn't know why. I was always quite and inconspicuous, I never gave him any reason to dislike me. Still, he was never pleased when I was around.

“Stop being an ass. She does her job flawlessly, and I completely trust her. You should start doing that too.” Emma defended me as every time before. She was wonderful and I loved working for her, even though technically I was working for Jared. Still, he never gave me any orders, so I just pretended I worked just for Emma.

“Whatever. How do you plan on fixing this?” Jared rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest.

“Come with me” Emma said and started going inside “Melody, you can stay here. Finish the job and you’re free for today.”

“OK” I said and continued to look through flights.

Jared’s POV

“So, what do have up your sleeve Em?” I asked her and sat on the couch.

“You’re gonna get married, that’s what” Emma said with a straight face.

“Ha ha ha ha, that’s a good one. ” I said and laughed like crazy “Now, seriously. What’s the plan to get me out of this paparazzi, tabloid, mess?” I expected a serious answer this time.

“Did I stutter the first time? You’re going to get married.“ Emma said and raised her eyebrows at me. Not making any funny face. She was dead on serious.

“You’re joking right?” I started looking around “Did Shannon put you up to this? You’re pulling a practical joke on me, aren’t you? ” I said and looked at Emma still looking at me without a single frown on her face.”OK, you’re serious”.

I stood up and started walking through the living room.

“Look, it doesn’t have to be till death due you part. It can be a temporary solution. You’ll announce that you’ve actually been engaged for quite some time, and that these last reports were really hurting her so you decided to make it public. Even though you wanted to keep her as hidden as possible, this was the final drop and you decided to tell everyone you’ll marry her soon” Emma had this all figured out apparently. But I was still a bit dizzy from the whole idea.

I didn’t say a word, since I was trying to think this through, and I couldn’t even begin to imagine that solution of Emma’s.

“So? What do you think?” Emma asked and looked at me pacing through the room.

I sighed, and ran my fingers through my hair, putting my hand on my mouth and closing my eyes.

“I’m not sure... I guess it could be a good fix up... The rumors would stop for some time.” 

“They’d stop for good. Especially if you start going everywhere with your wife, instead with the guys. This way they couldn’t have anything on you.” Emma was trying to convince me to do it. 

“Yeah, I guess you’re right” I said and set next to Emma on the couch “But who should I ask to marry me... Well, fake marry me”

“No, no... the marriage will be legit. The city hall, party, everything.. It has to be real, otherwise nobody would believe you”

“I know that, but the two of us wouldn’t really be married at home, or anywhere else. For the public is one thing, but everything else would all be fake” I said and covered my eyes with my hands, taking a deep breath.

“Right.” Emma said and tapped my back trying to make me feel less stressed.

“So, we still have to find the bride. I can’t think of anyone that would actually do it.” I said and looked at Emma expecting her to have the solution, as always.

“I can” she said and wiggled her eyebrows “Melody.”

I immediately started laughing “Good one, Em“ I said and nodded, still smiling a bit “Seriously, who did you have in mind?” She didn’t say a word just smiled at me and leaned her head to the left. “You’re serious right now? Melody? Your assistant, and the last girl on Earth I would even consider dating, let alone marrying. Have you completely lost your mind?” I was baffled by her choice.

“Think about it, she’s the perfect pick. Quiet, nice, smart, hardworking, trustworthy, pretty, knows everything about you and your world, handles everything around here... Plus, she has no family, so she wouldn’t have to explain anything to anyone, which makes this plan even better and easier to work out. Who knows, you might even end up falling for her” Emma said and nudged me. 

“Yeah, right, like that would ever happen” I said and couldn’t believe what she just said “Wait, what do you mean has no family? I didn’t know that...” I said in shock.

“That’s because you were too busy trying to find her a flaw. And she doesn’t have any.”

“But, how do you even know she’ll accept the proposal. I mean, she clearly knows I’m not her biggest fan, so we’ll have to tell her everything, right?”

“Yes. We’ll keep her in the loop, that’s the only way you can execute the plan without a mistake. And if she doesn’t accept it just for the sake of helping you, we’ll offer her money. That she definitely won’t refuse.” Emma’s really a pro. I couldn’t believe she had everything thought through.

“Wow... This is just... ” I sighed and started to think about everything.

Was I really ready to make my first, and possibly only marriage, with someone I barely knew, let alone cared about? Were all those headlines worth this trouble? What if they figure out everything, and on top of that, I turn out to be a liar, which I am actually ready to be just by accepting Emma’s suggestion. But if the public finds out everything was a lie, my entire carrier could go down the drain. Not to mention my family, the band and my friends. What would they think of me? There’s simply too much at stake. But then again, Melody is kind of a real sweetheart sometimes, even though I don’t really like her that much. She does have the cutest smile, and that innocent look that sometimes makes me think that there are still pure, kind and honest people in this world. This is gonna be a tough decision to make.

Read Chapter 2 

Feel free to comment and leave feedback.

Let me know if you’d like me to tag you in the next chapters.

Hope you enjoyed it.

[theartoffracturedthoughts-blog]

❦ 23.) Get It Together

"And you'll only have yourself to blame, if you continue to live this way" - India Arie 

|R H Y A N| 

"How you feeling?" I asked Mila as she sat on the floor messing with her fingers.

Her wild curls were all over her head, and she was dressed in Cookie Monster pajama pants with a wife beater. The scent of the Dove body wash coming from her brown skin, swirled throughout the room.

"Ready for it to be over with. Najeem is a little mad at me." Mila shrugged as I kissed on Heaven'S forehead.

"Why? You decided not to keep it?" I asked with sad eyes, thinking back to my abortion and how hurt Elijah was when he found out.

"I'm keeping the baby, I'm just not as happy as he wants me to be." Mila admitted raking her fingers through her hair.

"I definitely can relate. That's how I was with my first pregnancy. I would cry for days on end. It took me hearing my baby's heartbeat, before it hit me I was about to be a mother and this was something a lot of women didn't get to experience." I sighed, "And right after I found out the sex, I miscarried and I felt so low Mila."

My eyes burned, thinking back to that dark place me and Elijah were in when we lost our first child. No one knows the physical pain I went through, and mentally it fucked me up for a long time.Mila stared at me with big tears in her round eyes, while chewing at her bottom lip.

"I felt like I couldn't do anything right, when it came to me and Elijah's relationship. I was selfish, and I couldn't even carry a baby for him. So ultimately I ended up leaving, then I found out I was pregnant again and got an abortion." I admitted shaking my head at the thought, "That broke my baby's heart when I told him. The move I made was so selfish, based off what I would lose and gain from the situation."

I watched Mila wipe her eyes, and let out a sigh as she stared at floor.

"I know this isn't the happiest moment of your life right now because of all the things you could be doing, but this is your blessing." I smiled at her, "You get to experience something a lot of females can't, with someone who genuinely loves you. I can assure you when you become a mother, all those thoughts you're having now will fly out the window."

Heaven let out a breath, causing me to look down at her and see her sleeping just like Elijah. I kissed her one last time, before laying her in the crib with Brix who I already shared my time with.

I walked over, and helped Mila up off the floor giving her a strong hug. She hugged me tightly, and just cried on my shoulder while I sympathized knowing that exact feeling.

"We love you Mila, and have so much faith in you. You're going to be a good mommy girl." I assured her as my phone began to beep back to back with notifications.

I rolled my eyes, as we pulled away from each other and Mila laughed at me as I held a stank face staring at my phone. Unlocking my phone, I went to Instagram seeing that I was being tagged in the same post by people.

I realized it was something Lolo posted, causing me to snarl. I honestly wasn't trying to go there with this bitch, because I was trying to fix things with my man.

She a baby mama, and that's all her ass will ever be.

It was a picture of her with a black eye, busted lip, and broken nose causing me to giggle at the sight. Finally, somebody else popped her ass cause she talks too much shit.

SweetndLo: The shit I go through with daughter's father 😔. Ladies it's never okay to let a man beat you! I've dealt with the disrespect from him one too many times, and this is the second time this man has put his hands on me! How the fuck am I supposed to look my daughter in the face, and explain her daddy did this to me?! If a man hits you once, he will hit you again! It doesn't make it any better his family is going to support his dumb ass, along with his dumb ass other baby mama. I just want justice. #JusticeForLo

My nostrils flared at the post, and I tried to control my anger thinking of Eli and Halo. I wasn't sure what Lolo was up to this time, but I didn't appreciate her lying on my man's name especially with all the shit he has going on business wise.

It wasn't long before I hopped on the post.

BigBootyRhy: @SweetndLo Pussy ass ho take this down and quit lying on my man name. I ain't on house arrest no more bitch, and I ain't scared to go to jail again. Lying for some fucking likes and followers. Dumb ass lil girl. #CatchMeOutsideHowBoutThat

I left the app, and hit Elijah's contact icon. Dialing his number, the phone rang before it went straight to voicemail making me frown.

"Mila call your cousin. I think he has me blocked and this is urgent." I spoke going back to the post, seeing that Brae and Adonis were also on the post.

SoBrae: @SweetndLo You getting good with this makeup sis. Put some respeck on Eli name, he didn't do shit!

AdonisThePhotographer: @SweetndLo Bitch if you don't take this shit down!

"It's going to voicemail Rhy." Mila voiced, as I began to panic while chewing my lip.

Lolo responded back to my comment, making me kiss my teeth.

SweetndLo: @BigBootyRhy I don't have a reason to lie! Your man came over here and beat my ass like I was a nigga off the street, and not the mother of his child. He probably been knocking yo lil dense ass around and you haven't said shit but I'm saying something and I'm pressing charges and getting full custody! While you on here arguing with me, you might wanna go get yo man from county and get money for a lawyer cause I can guarantee you I'm going to slaughter his ass in court!!!!

Before I could respond, my phone rang from a number I didn't recognize. I quickly answered, thinking the worst and knowing it could be Elijah.

"Hello?" I answered pacing the floor, as Mila watched my every move.

"Baby," Elijah sighed into the phone as my heart felt like it fell down to my stomach.

I knew something was wrong. The tone in his voice said it all, not to mention he called me baby and he was supposed to be mad at me.

"Baby?" Elijah spoke again.

"I'm here. What's wrong? What's going on? Lolo is on Instagram-"

"Fuck that ho. I need you to come bond me out. They got my bail set at fifty grand." Elijah spoke as I snatched up my keys and purse, quickly leaving the room.

"I'm coming baby, sit tight." I replied running downstairs.

"I love you man." Elijah spoke in a sincere tone.

"I love you too baby. I'm coming." I assured him, running out the front door.

❤️❤️❤️

"Can you tell me what's taking so long? I bonded him out five hours ago." I spoke in annoyance, to the lady at the desk.

She was too busy stuffing her mouth with white powdered doughnuts, and watching some shit on her phone. Of course she didn't care, and wasn't trying to hear anything I was saying.

I just wanted my man out, that's all.

The door buzzed, causing me to turn and see the door come open. Elijah stepped out holding his bag of belongings, not looking like himself at all.

I ran over to him, giving him a hug. He wrapped his arm around me, and rocked us back and forth.My hands roamed his body, making sure he came out the same way he went in. I wouldn't hesitate to sue these white folks about my man.

"You okay?" I asked looking up at him, seeing a few scratches on his face.

"I'm good." He assured me refusing to let me go.

He leaned down and kissed my lips, holding a hand full of my hair. The kiss was so strong, it scared me a little.

It was as if he was savoring these moments.

Elijah broke the kiss, and pulled me out of the station. I offered to drive, and he didn't argue.The ride home was filled with silence. Every so often I would look over at the bag in his hand, seeing his shirt that was covered in blood.

There was a few spots of blood on the wife beater he was sporting, but not as much as his other shirt. His knuckles were bruised, blue and purple and his hands had scratches as if someone was clawing at his skin.

I knew something happened between him and Lolo, but I didn't wanna pry and ask. Elijah would tell me in his own time.

When we got home, we both went upstairs to the room where he fell out on the bed. I went to the bathroom to run him a bath in our in floor tub.

Once the tub was full, Elijah came in the bathroom and stripped naked wasting no time climbing in. I watched as he shut his eyes, and relaxed after turning on the jets to keep the water warm.

I allowed him to have some time to hisself, while I went back to our bedroom and found him some clothes to sleep in. Afterwards I went downstairs, and decided to whip up something quick.

After I got dinner all ready, I went back upstairs to find Elijah still sitting in the tub appearing to be in deep thought. I let out a sigh, and dropped my clothes before stepping slowly into the water.

Once I was down in the tub, I walked over to Elijah and wrapped my arms around his neck. His fingertips slid up and down my back softly, before he wrapped his arm around me and buried his face in my neck.

The hug began to grow tighter, and small sniffled came from his nose as I let out a sigh and kissed his cheek.

"It's okay baby, let it out." I coached him, before he started to son into the crook of my neck while I rubbed his back.

I didn't know what was going on, nor did I care. I just that I was here.

I would always be here.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Reaching out for Elijah, I was greeted by the coldness of the silk sheets. My eyes opened, and I looked around as the moonlight crept in our bedroom.

I sat up looking at the clicking, noticing it was three in the morning. My eyes traveled to the French doors, and I saw Elijah sitting on our balcony.

Slipping out of bed, Elijah's wife beater fell down on my nude body as I crept outside. He was so zoned out, he didn't even feel my presence.

"Babe," I spoke softly, causing him to look up at me, "It's three in the morning, come back to bed."

"Can't sleep." He mumbled glancing at the iPad on the small table, showing footage of the nursery, Mila's room, and Halo's room who was home since Adonis dropped her off last night.

He grabbed my hand, and tugged at it gently asking me to sit in his lap. I wasted no time finding a seat on his lap, and laying my head on his chest.

I placed gentler kisses on his bare chest, as he rubbed my arm and rested his head on top of mine. It was peaceful, listening to the sound of crickets this time of morning along with the gentle breeze.

"I lost my shit yesterday. I'm sorry for not thinking of the kids and you, but I'm not sorry for beating that bitch ass. If her neighbor wouldn't have called the police, she would be dead." Elijah assured me.

"Baby what happened? What did she do?" I asked curiously.

"I went and met with my lawyer yesterday. He starts telling me about this case, then proceeds to tell me that they noticed Halo's hospital records from when she was born was missing from her tests. Come to find out, Lolo paid her doctor to hide the records because she had been drinking during her pregnancy. If the doctor would've kept it on file, they would've reported her to dcf. Long story short, she the reason my baby deaf." Elijah confessed, letting out a breath he had been holding.

I shook my head, not knowing what to say. A million different scenarios played in my mind, of all the things that could have happened to Halo.

She could've been brain dead, blind, born with Down syndrome, etc. Things could've been worse.Tears began to swell my eyes, as a burning sensation of hate sat in my chest. Lolo had me so tight right now, it wasn't even funny.

Halo was Innocent in all of this, and yet her dumb ass decisions affected her for the rest of her life.

How do you live with yourself knowing you're the reason your daughter is going deaf?

A warm tear fell on my nose, causing me to look up at Elijah who had his lips tucked and his eyes shut. I could feel my baby's pain.

"My baby scarred for the rest of her life behind this shit. It ain't shit I can do about it." He spoke with his voice cracking.

"It could've been worse babe." I tried to reason, drying his tears, "And although you can't do anything, at least you tried and you've been going through this process with her trying to make her as comfortable as she can be. You made the effort, you're not the deadbeat."

We sat in silence, just holding each other. I was just as hurt as Elijah was, Halo was apart of me too.

"Thank you." Elijah spoke kissing my forehead, "Thank you for being there when I need you, and for being my voice of reason."

I smiled small, and cuddled close to his chest.

"I know we need to talk about us-"

"It's cool. We'll get to it." I assured him, rubbing the side of his face.

Elijah leaned down and pecked my lips, while I returned the peck staring at him. We pecked each other's lips again, and again until I straddled his lap resulting in him removing the shirt from my body.

The cool air caused goosebumps to form on my skin, as Elijah kissed my neck making his way down to my chest. I let out a low breath, before taking my bottom lip into my mouth as he licked and sucked on my breasts.

I could feel his manhood poking from underneath me, resulting in a pulsating feeling between my thighs. With each kiss and touch, my inner walls grew wetter sliding from my inner walls down on Elijah's basketball shorts.

Elijah lifted us briefly, pushing his basketball shorts down until they fell to his ankles causing his hard member to poke at my entrance. I practically whined at the feeling, not wanting to beg although I wanted to feel it inside me so bad.

Us wanting each other in any type of way was worse than drugs.

Elijah took his manhood sliding it gently against my wet folds in a teasing manner, smirking at the sight of my juices sticking to him and he hadn't even slid inside me. Positioning himself at a stand still, he guided me down on his manhood bringing out a small gasp escape my lips.

It had been so long, I felt like a born again virgin who was having her walls torn apart. I pushed on his chest, as he pushed me further down.

As my walls adjusted to his length, I let out a breath of air and stared at Elijah who stared at me in return massaging his fingertips in my waist. Sliding a hand from my waist to my neck, Elijah wrapped his hand around it pulling me forward kissing me with tongue as a series of butterflies fluttered inside my stomach.

With the other hand, he slapped my ass demanding that I start riding him in which I began to slowly roll my hips while I stared at Elijah with low eyes.

"I love you forever." He whispered as our lips touched a little.

"I love you too." I replied letting out a gasp as he thrusted upward, with a strong stroke.

It felt good to be home.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

"Rhyan." I heard a little whisper.

"Hmm?" I groaned feeling like I had been hit with a ton of bricks as my hair laid disheveled on my head.

I can't remember how long me and Elijah were up last night/this morning but it was late. We went from the balcony, to the floor in our room, the wall, and eventually to the bed.

All I knew was I was sore, and exhausted.

"So I was walking by the nursery, and the twins crawled out the crib. Ain't that something?"

The voice spoke, as I recognized it belonged to Halo.

My face frowned up in confusion, knowing my damn near five month old kids were not crawling out cribs. I immediately shot up in bed, seeing Halo holding Brix damn near about to toss him over her shoulder, and an arm around Hev's neck trying not to drop her.

"Oh my God!" I screeched grabbing Hev who was giving me help me eyes.

"You need to stop being dramatic. She not dead." Halo spoke with her upper lip curled, patting Brix on the back as he continued to lay his mouth on her cheek liking the noise he made.

"Well she was almost there." I sighed grabbing Brix, laying him next to Hev, "Halo you can't handle both of them like us. And don't take them both out the crib. Wait until me and your daddy gets them out."

"Fine, can you put on some clothes? Nobody wants to see you naked." Halo said pointing to my naked chest.

I sighed pulling the sheets up to my chest, as Elijah walked in the room looking between us.

He let out a sigh, and ran a hand down his face.

"What I tell you about waking people up out they sleep just cause you up?" He asked Halo.

"I didn't even wake nobody up." She said throwing her hands up in the air.

"The twins crawled out of their crib." I spoke with sarcasm, placing their pacifiers in their mouth and rubbing their stomach watching them drift off to sleep.

"Get yo ass downstairs and eat breakfast so you can get ready for school." Elijah spoke as Halo mimicked him, and headed for the door.

Elijah popped her upside the head, and mugged her as she frowned and rubbed her head leaving the room. He walked over taking a seat on the bed, leaning over kissing my forehead.

"You okay?" I asked him, as he nodded.

"Still mad, I'll live though." He assured me as I stroked the side of his face.

"It'll be okay. Going to work today?" I asked noticing he was dressed.

"Yeah, you got them?" He asked looking at the twins.

"Of course. They can come help me at the store. I got a few things I gotta handle before the opening." I spoke looking at the time.

"When is that?" Elijah asked me.

"Few days." I admitted as he nodded his head.

"Mhm. I'll see you later, be good to my kids." He spoke kissing them both.

"They're mine too." I argued as he laughed as if that was a joke.

"They mine. I gotta go meet with my lawyer and see what he gon' do about these charges now. He was already filing for full custody but I think I fucked that up, hopefully we figure something out. Let's do lunch later." Elijah spoke grabbing my face. "I. Love. You." He spoke between kisses.

"I love you too." I replied watching him leave our room.

I had so much to do today, so I had to get ready now.

❤️❤️❤️

After handling stuff for the store, I took the twins to Alejandro so I could handle this one last thing. I didn't want them around in case things got physical.

I stared at Lolo's house for another moment, before getting out of the car. Hitting the locks, I walked up the walkway and rang her doorbell adjusting my engagement ring before looking at my watch for the time.

"I'm about to call the police Rhyan!" She yelled from the other side making me roll my eyes.

"Girl nobody's going to touch you. I need to talk to you!" I spoke growing annoyed.

Lolo weighted her options, before cracking the door and eyeing me. I stared at her in return, as she cracked the door open wider displaying her bruised face.

She was fucked up, but it could've been worse. At least she wasn't looking like Rihanna after Chris Brown whooped her ass.

I invited myself inside, and took in how nice it looked and smelled. Of course she had high end furniture in here, that looked even better than the furniture we had.

Hers was in different shapes and colors. I knew one of these chairs alone was $1200 because I ran across it when we were doing the nursery.

"Did he send you to apologize? Because I'm still pressing charges." She voiced folding her arms.

"No, he doesn't even know I'm here. Listen, we don't have time for this court shit. You're cutting into work, and the time we spend with our kids. We just want what's best for Halo, and frankly we're what's best for her at the moment." I said as Lolo looked at me in disbelief.

"How the hell you figure?" Lolo asked getting offended.

"I won't even go there with you today, cause there's a list of shit. The only reason I'm here is for Halo. Elijah is filing for full custody, so I just came over to tell you to make it easier on yourself and sign over your rights." I spoke with a shrug.

"I'm convinced this nigga has been knocking your little ass around, or you're just retarded because I'm not signing over shit." She spoke with attitude.

"You either sign your rights over, or go to jail for child endangerment being that you were drinking while you were pregnant and YOU'RE the reason Halo is deaf." I said watching her face soften, wondering how I knew what I knew.

In all honesty, it didn't matter how I knew what I knew. At the end of the day, my only concern was Halo and I felt she needed to be around people who actually cared about her wellbeing.

Since the beginning of this process, me and Elijah have been there for her and tried to make the right accommodations. Meanwhile Lo brushed it off as if it was nothing, and didn't care about how Halo felt.

And it wasn't just me or Elijah on the outside looking in. This was the words from our four year old, crying to us saying her mommy didn't care.

"Don't drag this to court. Cause you're just going to end up in jail, and Elijah is going to get full comes to get regardless. Even if you do drop the charges, the state will pick it up and he'll do a little time but that's something we can both live. Halo is what we want." I spoke as tears swarmed in Lolo's eyes.

"Y'all can't keep me away from my baby." She sniffed.

"I'm sure we won't. I'm only a step-mama remember?" I smirked at her.

Lolo rolled her eyes, and chewed her lip before pacing her floor.

"What I gotta do?" She asked me.

❤️❤️❤️

"You late Oompa Loompa." Elijah teased as I walked to the table.

"I know, things ran over with inventory. How's your day going baby?" I asked kissing his lips, before taking a seat.

"I don't know. My lawyer saying even if Lo drop the charges, the state might pick it up. I'm looking at six months to a year. That's too long to be separated from you and the kids. I can't leave all these businesses on you." Elijah sighed rubbing his head.

"We'll make due. Text your lawyer and ask him to ask the court on your behalf for thirty days in county, you pay Lo's medical expenses, and sixty days in anger management." I smiled as Elijah stared at me, while I looked over my menu, "I deserve a steak, I've been closing deals all day."

"Should've been a damn lawyer." Elijah mumbled doing as I told him to do.

"Ehh, never liked school. It was either start my own thing with fashion, join the family business, or become a scammer." I winked at him as he laughed.

Our waitress came over and took our orders. Handing the menus over after we were done, she walked away going to get us drinks and rolls.

Elijah grabbed Brix out his car seat, while I left Hev in hers because she was sleep. I stared at the two in a loving manner, as Elijah planned Brix's whole life making Brix laugh.

"You miss me while I was gone?" I asked curiously.

Elijah glanced at me, and looked down at Brix messing with his hair. I tried to lay the shit down, but it curled right up on the top of his head.

"I always miss you when you gone, even when I'm mad." He spoke making me smile a little.

"Well I missed you and the kids. It's hard sleeping without you." I admitted as he looked up at me, while Brix tried to bite him with his toothless ass.

"Imagine how I felt. I honestly was hurt, cried a lil bit, tried to convince myself it was over, prayed about it, just couldn't let go. I hate how much I love you sometimes. I know our shit won't be perfect, but when we keep doing the same shit over and over again something gotta give." Elijah tried to reason.

"I know. And I'm sorry for my actions lately. I'm still trying to get out of this selfish mentality. I need to be considerate of your feelings as well, because you don't deserve to be with somebody who sneaks behind your back and does things or lies. Nor do you deserve to be hit, or have somebody that does childish things to get your attention." I spoke sincerely, "I'm so sorry. I don't want to make you feel like less of a man, or give you hell. I'm supposed to be your peace. I've even been thinking we should try counseling, if you're willing."Elijah just starred at me, before grabbing my hand placing a kiss on it.

"I'm trying to have faith in you, because you had faith in me. You gotta do better moving forward, aight?" He spoke as I nodded.

"No more drinking, fighting, and tattoos of other people's name." I giggled as he shook his head.

"I love you fat girl." He smirked.

"I love you too." I smiled at him.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

"Thank you for coming out." I smiled giving someone a hug.

Today was the grand opening of my store. I thought this day would be exciting for me, but inside I wasn't happy.

It was probably because Elijah wasn't here.

"Rhyan this is so nice." Brae spoke looking around, sipping on wine, "I'm bout to rack up on some lingerie too honey. You know me and Adonis trying for another baby and even though I won't have it in long, I'll look really nice in it."

I giggled at her, and shook my head. The girl was still as crazy as the day I met her.

"Well thank you. You guys okay?" I asked Brae, Santana, Benji, and O'Neil.

As usual, Alejandro was missing in action. He, and Elijah were the only ones missing.Adonis was taking pictures for the grand opening.

"Girl we fine. Stop worrying yourself. Where's Eli?" O'Neil questioned.

I shrugged, trying not to let my emotions show. Disappointment wa burning me up inside, because I wanted his support although I went about things the wrong way.

"Rhy," Benji spoke holding Santana by the waist who couldn't stop smiling for no damn reason, "You plan on doing something for men?"

"Ooh that would be dope. Make your own line of briefs and boxers, for well hung men." O'Neil spoke wiggling his eyebrows.

"Yes, cause some people need it." Santana spoke before sipping her wine with a smile as Benji playfully bit her neck.

"They're so cute." Brae whispered as I shook my head.

"Thanks you guys, now my head is rolling with ideas." I spoke as the bell to the store chimed.

Looking towards the door, I saw Elijah walk in looking around for me. When his eyes landed on me, he smiled big making my heart skip a beat.

He had a big bouquet of pink roses, and balloons. I was almost in tears.

I walked over trying to hold myself together, while taking in his appearance. A maroon short sleeve button down hugged his torso, that he paired with peanut butter pants that were slightly sagging, and a pair of maroon Nike Air Force One duck boots.

He wore his hold chains and bracelet, looking simple but overall fine. I could tell he had a fresh haircut, and that just made my mouth water.

"I thought you weren't coming." I pouted standing in front of him, as his eyes roamed my frame.

I wore a black Sass and Bibe bin harness, with leather Dolce and Gabanna leggings, and a pair of black and gold Saint Laurent heels. My gold Tiffany's bracelets Elijah got me for my birthday rested on my wrist, matching my gold hoop earrings that was hiding underneath my straightened hair.

"You know better than that." Elijah said kissing his teeth, pulling me close and kissing my head making me smile uncontrollably as Adonis snapped a picture of us.

I took the roses and balloons from his hand, and smiled uncontrollably while grabbing the card. Flipping the card open, I looked at Elijah who was looking down at me.

When you can't look on the bright side, I will sit in the dark with you. Congrats baby.

- Daddy

"Awwww, thank you baby." I coped giving him a hug.

"You welcome bumblebee." He teases squeezing my butt while I frowned.

"You just had to fuck up the moment." I kissed my teeth, as Coco walked over and grabbed my flowers and balloons from me.

The rest of the night was a success. We stayed until everyone left, and the cleaning people cleaned before leaving as well.

I hit the lights, as Elijah sat in one of the chairs on his phone waiting on me so we could go home. Mila had all the kids, and I was hoping they hadn't tied her up and beat her ass.

"Come on baby." I spoke walking towards the door.

Elijah followed, and we both stepped outside on the sidewalk. Locking up, I turned around looking for our car.

I rode with Adonis and Brae.

There was a black panaramic two door Porsche, with a big red bow on it. I looked over at Elijah, as held up the keys for me.

"You're gonna make me cry." I spoke fanning my eyes.

"Start crying and I'm taking the car back." He warned me, causing me to straighten up.

"I was just playing, thank you baby." I smiled kissing his lips, while taking the keys from him.

"You welcome. Why you ain't wear a skirt? We could've made this an exciting ride home." Elijah teased as we walked to the car.

"Elijah get in the car." I laughed waving him off.

"Fine man, but its lit when we get home." He warned me.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

|S A N T A N A|

I smiled big as I looked around my bedroom. It was so big and pretty, and the thing I loved the most was I got a new balcony and it was bigger.

In a sense, my home reminded me a lot of Sheree from Real House Wives of Atlanta.

"You gon' stand up here all day?" Benji asked coming through the door.

"I'm just taking in our room. I can't wait to break in this new bed." I smiled standing on the bed doing a little twerk.

"You keep saying you don't want a baby right now, but you reaching." He warned, as I blushed stepping down off the bed.

"I'll keep that in mind. You get the boys beds set up?" I asked wrapping my arms around his waist.

"Levi got hungry." Benji spoke rolling his eyes, "Can you whip us up something quick?"

"Sure." I spoke pecking his lips, stepping around him slowly while looking him up and down.

"See what I'm talking about." He spoke slapping me on the butt.

The house phone rang, and we both began running towards the stairs. We laughed trying to push each other out the way, to get to the house phone.

When we reached the bottom stair, Benji threw me over his shoulder and ran with me making me laugh uncontrollably. I don't know why this was so funny, but it was.

Benji grabbed the phone, and put me on my feet handing it to me. I looked at the caller I.D seeing Zai was calling, so I answered.

"I'ma go finish unpacking some of these boxes." He spoke kissing my forehead, while I nodded listening to the automated system.

Accepting the call, I waited for Zai to come on the line.

"Wussup big head?" Zai teased as I smiled small.

"Hey, how are you?" I asked staring at my wedding ring.

"I'm good. Congrats." Zai spoke in a sincere tone.

"Thank you." I replied as Zayden came in the house moon walking to the pantry. "You better not! No zebra cakes until after you eat."

"But ma!" He whined poking out his lip, "Me and Chris is starving. We been moving stuff all day."

"Well you and Chris can wait until after lunch." I argued as he sighed, while Benji stopped down and said something that made him nod.

"Moving stuff? You redecorating?" Zaire asked me.

"No, we moved into our new home." I spoke feeling a bit bad. "I still have the house for you."

"Oh," Zai spoke lowly and cleared his throat, "How the boys been?"

"Good. Nasir's birthday is coming up, so I'm planning that and he's been hounding me about playing baseball. Zayden just wants to be fat and happy." I shrugged as he chuckled.

"Chris still around?" He asked.

"Unfortunately. I won't hold you up, I'll let you talk to Zayden first." I spoke with a smile, "Zay, your daddy is on the phone."

He quickly ran over to the phone, grinning from ear to ear. This boy loved Zaire so much.

"Hey best friend!" He cheered walking in the backyard, so he could be next to Nasir so they could both talk to Zaire.

"What do you think about doing the kitchen in a metallic navy blue or orange?" I asked Benji as he unpacked plates, while I prepared to fix us a light lunch.

"Orange. You don't see a lot of orange kitchens." He spoke as I smiled.

"I like the way you think." I winked at him, making him laugh.

"I'm having a clothes drive and giving food to the homeless this weekend at the church. Can you come?" Benji asked me.

"Of course I'll be there. Don't forget Nasir's birthday is next weekend." I reminded him, as his phone rang.

"I got it noted baby." He said staring at the screen, before answering, "Des is Facetiming me."

Kobi entered the kitchen, and let out a sigh taking a seat at the island. He looked exhausted, so I gave him a water.

"Preciate this sis. Yo kids know they will run somebody raggedy." He spoke as Zayden came back in the house, putting the phone on the charger.

"Umm Kobi, why you in here? You gotta help us, don't be lazy. If my fat self can move and Levi fat self can move, yo skinny tail can move too. Nobody's paying you to be lazy." Zayden ranted before walking outside.

"His lil smart mouth ass better be a doctor or something." Kobi mumbled while I giggled watching him leave.

I looked over at Benji, seeing the look of confusion on his face. Walking over I placed my chin on his shoulder, and saw that he wasn't on FaceTime alone.

Lina, Nolan, and Des were all sitting on the couch together staring at the camera. They all looked like something was wrong.

"Hey everybody." I smiled at the three.

They all spoke back, and I walked away not wanting to be in the business. While I cooked lunch, the four talked on FaceTime until Benji ended the call and took a seat at the island looking stressed.

"What's wrong boo?" I asked with a slight frown.

"Des wants to come stay with us. I'm just a little upset, that Lina's upset cause he wants to come back here. He's not happy there, and they've done everything that they can to try to make him feel home but it's not working. That's her only child, and that's a lot of responsibility." Benji tried to reason.

"You had him for a few months, and that went well." I reminded him.

"I know," Benji sighed, "I told them I would have to talk to you and the boys, it's our home."

"Who coming to stay? They can't sleep in my bed." Zayden complained as Kobi carried him in the house on his neck.

"We just moved in." Nasir added with annoyance.

"Desmond wants to come back." I told the two, watching their eyes light up.

"Oh, well Des can stay. I like Des." Zayden smiled.

"You like anybody that gives you food." Nasir responded as Zayden shot him a look.

"Well now you know why I don't like you." Zayden argued while Kobi and Levi laughed.

"Hey, cut it out. I'm not saying it no more today." Benji spoke as the kitchen went quiet, "Y'all argue like y'all grown."

"Yes sir." They both chimed, as I looked at him in disbelief.

"How'd you do that?" I asked him, because I couldn't get the two to stop arguing for nothing.

"I said what I said, and I meant what I said." Benji spoke as I stared at him feeling Niagra falls in the seat of my panties.

"Jesus it's a daddy." I mumbled under my breath, making him smirk.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

"You're married!" Dr. Johnson smiled at me, "Congrats."

"Thank you." I cooed showing him the ring.

"I'm just," He took a breath, "Wow. I don't know what to say. How's everything? How do you feel?"

"Good actually, really good." I smiled crossing my legs, "Just knowing that he genuinely loves me and the kids makes me happy. People had a lot to say about us getting married but, they can kiss my ass."

"Oooou," Dr. Johnson teased, "Who had a lot to say? Was it Zaire's family?"

"No, Benji's church members. They seem to be more concerned about our relationship, than the Bible scriptures.

Apparently I'm not fit to be the First Lady for the church." I explained as Dr. Johnson rubbed his chin.

"Why? I think you're pretty dope." Dr. Johnson shrugged.

"Well thank you. Apparently I can't wear my hair any color I want, and I can't have a normal life with my friends. They talked about my pictures on Instagram, saying I was showing too much skin. They want me to dress like a grandma, and be messy in the church like them but I think not. It doesn't matter what I wear, this ass ain't going no where. My husband likes it, and they can kick rocks if they don't like it." I huffed folding my arms.

"I say that's a W for you Santana, you on a roll today." Dr. Johnson chuckled writing something down, "What did Benji have to say?"

"He went off, in a Christian way." I clarified as Dr. Johnson laughed at me.

"To his church members?" He asked, while I nodded.

"I thought the same thing to too, BUT he said he wasn't going to allow anybody to disrespect me." I smiled as Dr. Johnson nodded.

"This man really loves you and worships the ground you walk on." He said staring at me, as I blushed.

"I feel the same way. I don't feel pressured to be something I'm not with him." I sighed with a smile, "Even the sex is amazing."

"Sex? You guys had sex?" He asked with his eyes about to fall out his head.

"Oh yes. I never came so much in my life." I admitted having flashbacks, which reminded me that we needed to break our bed in.

"That's a triple W for you." He laughed as a knock sounded at his door.

The door slowly came open, and my mom stepped inside with a small smile. She looked nice, her hair pulled back in a tight ponytail.

Since I was in such a good space, I decided to hear her out one last time.

She greeted the both of us, before taking a seat on the couch next to me. We started off with light conversation, which was mainly me talking about my new life.

Dr. Johnson was trying to make us all comfortable, before bringing up the past. I was just hoping she didn't piss me off this time.

So when he started to ask her questions about the incident with Larissa, I cringed a little bit. It seemed to upset my mom, because she started to cry a little.

"I know the last time we talked about this I said she lied, but that wasn't the truth. Honestly, I was still beating myself up for letting something like that happen to her. She was a child, and she had her innocence snatched away from her by someone that should have loved and protected her. Knowing that I didn't protect her, it really ate away at me and I've felt guilty about it for years." She admitted, as I exhaled.

Hearing that she blamed herself, made me feel something for her. I knew that feeling being a mother myself.

Nasir fell once, and had to get stitches above his eye. I never stopped blaming myself, because I wasn't outside to catch him when he fell.

But I realized, as a parent you can't be there all the time.

"I'm just glad you acknowledged it." I smiled giving her a hug.

We decided to do a few more sessions together, before trying to hang out. She wanted to see the kids, but it would be a while before we got there.

I didn't trust my kids with everybody, and trust takes time.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Me, and Nasir sat at Steak and Shake eating cheese fries, milk shakes and burgers. Well he had a burger, I just had cheese fries.

I picked him up from school, so we could get some alone time. Plus we needed to do some planning for his birthday.

"So do you want Spider man, or Superman for your birthday party?" I asked him as he sat with his mouth full.

"I want Spider man, but I want the black one." He spoke as I nodded and lifted an eyebrow.

"Why?" I asked, not really liking that one.

"He's cool." He shrugged while I decided to just let it go.

"I'm going to get your invitations done tonight, and you can give them out to your classmates tomorrow and your friends at the dojo." I informed him, as he nodded.

"Can I have a telescope for my birthday?" He asked me, "I like looking at the stars."

"I think I can work something out." I smiled at him, "So how do you like Benji living with us?"

"It's cool. He really cares about us." He smiled at me, while I nodded agreeing.

"Benji has y'all spoiled, that's why you said that." I spoke as he laughed agreeing.

"Is Des really going to come stay with us?" He asked curiously.

"Yeah, he should be here next week." I admitted staring at Nasir.

It was hard to believe my boy was about to be seven years old. Time was flying.

I still remember, when I became his mother after Nylah died. I'm sure if she was alive, she would be proud of him.

He was such a good kid, respectful, smart, and helpful.

"Mommy?" Nasir spoke snapping me from my thoughts.

"Yes?" I spoke wiping cheese off his mouth.

He stared at me for a moment, and let out a sigh. I watched him look at his hands, before looking at me.

"I don't want you to be mad at me but, I know you're not my real mom." He informed as my mouth grew dry all of a sudden.

I didn't know how to respond to that, or how to even take it.

"But, it's okay because even though we're not blood related you are my mom and I still love you. I was just curious and wanted to know where my real mom is and why she doesn't want me." He spoke with sadness, "I like living with you and being your son, but I just wanna know."

Tears had managed to creep into my eyes, while I sat trying to process this. Me and Zaire had so many talks about how one day we would tell Nasir about this, but now that the day was here I was at a loss for words.

Dabbing at my eyes with a napkin, I rubbed my lips together and tried to find the words. It was hard trying to talk to a child about these kind of things.

"It's not that your mommy doesn't want you, she just took a trip to heaven. She's watching over you." I assured him as he nodded in an understanding way.

"Well how did she end up there? Was she in an accident?" He asked while I shrugged, wanting to leave this part for Zaire.

He could tell him what he wanted, but I didn't want any parts.

Regardless of the situation this was still my son, and it's been that way since the beginning. It would remain that way until the end.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

|B R A E L Y N N|

"Don't cut too much off the top Benji, Adonis is already going to have a fit I'm cutting it but his hair is too long. He can't see." I spoke as Benji used scissors to cut Aj's hair as I held him.

"It's hair, it'll grow back. I been trying to convince Zay to let me cut that mess off the top of his head, talking about he want dreads." Benji smacked his lips while I giggled.

"That's your step-son." I reminded him as he sighed.

"Boy do I know it. He reminds me every time he wants something, and says he's my FAVORITE step-son. I honestly don't know what we gonna do with him. He call hisself trying to help me plan my sermon for church on Sunday, told me I need to put in there people need to stop fake falling out at church." Benji went on to tell me, while I shook my head.

People could say what they wanted about my little Zay Bae, but he was always speaking the truth.

After Benji finished up, I paid him and me and AJ headed to Adonis' office even though he had a shoot today at the aquarium. I was going to meet with the production team, so I could set a clear direction for the way I wanted his documentary done.

When we got there, I noticed everyone sitting in the meeting room waiting for and AJ. He was too focused on sucking his bottle, getting ready to fall asleep.

He and Adonis had been up playing since the wee hours of morning, making me want to choke the hell out of both of them. Making all that damn noise as if I don't need my beauty rest.

"Hi everybody." I smiled at everyone, as they greeted me in return.

I sat Aj's car seat in a empty chair, and began to walk around the room shaking everyone's hand as well as noting their names. The person in charge of the documentary was Ellis, but it was nice to get to know the other ones as well.

Taking a seat, I adjusted my shirt and folded my hands. I was ready for business.

"So tell me, what do you guys have planned so far?" I asked curiously.

"Well for starters, I wanna make this film feel relate-able. I want the audience to feel like they know him, and can relate to some parts of him. So I wanna document every unscripted moment. I'll play around with clips, and decide which one is best to use. Nothing will be scripted, I want people to say hey that really happened versus that was so scripted. Don't you guys feel that way when you watch what is supposed to be reality television?" Ellis asked everyone who began to mumble things.

"I love it. What stories do you guys want to touch on?" I asked as he slid over a paper with an outline of the stories.

"I was thinking we can start with the child hood, that is what normally molds a person. Then we can skip to the teen years which is when a person goes through changes. And then we'll make our way to his adult years. We wanna hear how he made it this far, the road blocks, set backs, people who influenced him." Ellis continued on, while I nodded.

I liked his drive. Ellis was really on his shit.

"Let's talk about the people we'll be interviewing. So far I have you, his mom, grandmother, and brothers. Speaking of brothers, we are trying to get permission from the warden to let us come in and film instead of having to go through all the audio tape. I'll keep you guys posted on that." Ellis spoke writing something down.

"I want his secretary Charity interviewed because she's been with him for a while, and there's about two people in the industry we can get to speak for him." I spoke watching Ellis jot down notes.

"What do you guys think of stunt doubles to act out the scenes of the stories he tells?" Reynaldo, one of the team members asked.

"Ehh, no offense but I think that's corny. Imagination is key, so let the audience have their own visual. It'll keep them intrigued." I spoke as Ellis agreed.

"I like you, ever thought of being in film?" He asked with a smile, while I shook my head no.

"Anything that has my husband's name on the line, just has to be perfect. I'm a mother and a wife, so I handle these type of things." I smiled as he nodded.

For another thirty minutes, we sat discussing other things. Backdrops for confessionals, makeup, hair, lighting, areas where we would shoot, etc.

I was so excited for all of this, like it was my documentary. Now I had to go home and find all of me and Adonis' pictures from over the years, along with home videos.

Then I would link up with Ava, and grandma Alice for childhood photos. This was going to be amazing.

❤️❤️❤️

I stood at the island preparing lunch for Amaris, while she sat in the living room with Doctor Johnson. The two were sitting on the floor, trying to put a puzzle together which was something she liked to do with Adonis or sometimes on her own.

Adonis came home early for work for this, and he was sitting at the bar with AJ watch the two. I could tell by the look on his face, he wasn't too happy our baby girl had to see a therapist.

"Is chicken pesto panini okay baby?" I asked Adonis, catching his attention for a moment.

"That's fine. What's for dinner?" He asked as I tilted my head.

Here we are talking lunch, and he wants to talk dinner too.

"Me." I smirked as he eyed me, and cracked a smile.

"That's dessert." He spoke as AJ sneezed, "Bless you man."

"Does he feel a little warm to you?" I asked curiously.

"Yeah. I think he getting a cold. We should check his temp." He spoke as AJ rubbed his nose, and laid his head on Adonis' chest.

It was so cute, although he looked miserable.

"His thermometer is in his back, but you have to stick it up his butt." I reminded him as Adonis looked at me as if I lost my mind.

"Hell the fuck no! What kind of shit is that?" He asked in disbelief. "Trying to take my son manhood away from him. Yo mama don' lost her rabbit ass mind."

"Adonis, that's the most accurate way to get the right temp. It only goes in an inch." I reasoned as he shook his head.

"We'll get you some Tylenol. You better fight this shit AJ, cause I'm not fucking with no rectal thermometer." Adonis scolded him as he sneezed and coughed.

"It's your fault. You wanna have the air on blizzard at night." I reminded him.

"Girl its hot as hell outside, it needs to be cold in here." He responded as AJ whined and pulled on his shirt, "I know son son."

"So tell me about school Genesis." Dr. Johnson spoke catching me and Adonis' attention.

"It was good. I go to school from home now, with Zayden and Halo. Those are my cousins." She spoke with a smile.

"Sounds like fun. I went to school from home as well, do you like it?" Dr. Johnson asked her.

"Yeah. I don't have to be around mean kids." Genesis spoke as I pouted a little.

"Yeah, mean kids are bad. I had a mean kid push me down one day." Dr. Johnson spoke as Genesis looked up at him.

"Well did you push him back? You too big to be getting pushed around." She spoke as Adonis tried not to laugh, while I frowned at him.

"Should I have pushed him back?" He asked her.

"Yeah. My daddy said if somebody hit you, you hit them back." Amaris shrugged looking for puzzles pieces to match.

Dr. Johnson looked over at Adonis, who began to whistle and look around the room.

"Well I didn't push him back, but it made me angry. Do you get angry?" Dr. Johnson asked her.

"Sometimes. I got angry at Zayden one day because he was teasing me, and I hit him in the face and started to punch him in the head. I didn't mean to do it though, I know I hurt his feelings." She said sadly studying a puzzle piece.

"I think he knows you didn't mean it. When I get mad sometimes, I do stuff and I forget and it makes me feel bad when I realize what I did." Dr. Johnson spoke as Amaris perked up.

"Me too! I just see red colors, and when I calm down I start to cry because I did a bad thing. It's scary Mr. Johnson." She spoke, "And sometimes, sometimes I think people are talking about me but they're not but I think they are so I get angry and wanna hit them."

"Oh fuck." Adonis spoke rubbing his eyes, leaving the room.

I quickly cleaned my hands, and followed behind him.

"Baby," I spoke as he walked outside.

The Florida sun beamed down on us, as he stood trying to control his emotions.

"It's my fault, I didn't mean to mess our baby up like that Brae." He spoke in a sympathetic tone.

"It's not your fault baby. She's going to be fine. You're fine, everything is going to be okay. Please come back inside." I begged pecking his lips.

"How you gonna deal with two of us?" He asked as I held his hand.

"I'm built for this." I assured him pulling him back inside.

We walked back to the kitchen, and I washed my hands while Adonis reclaimed his seat. For another hour we listened to Dr. Johnson and Amaris talk.

She talked about us a lot, and how she loved us and AJ. It was honestly cute.

"Well?" Adonis spoke as we stood at the door with Dr. Johnson.

We'd just had lunch, and now he was leaving to prepare for another session.

"She definitely has a paranoid personality disorder." Dr. Johnson spoke as Adonis sighed.

"What do you think of meds? We don't want anything that's going to make her turn into a zombie." I said rubbing Adonis' arm.

"I'll give her a low dosage, but she'll be fine. She's a very bright young lady, and she's very passionate for such a young age. My concern is when she gets older. People may take advantage of how nice she is, and when she catches on she may flip like she does from time to time. We're going to keep a close eye on her. She'll be fine." Dr. Johnson assured us before walking out the door.

Amaris came into the foyer, biting into her sandwich.

"Did you enjoy yourself with Mr. Johnson baby?" I asked trying not to cry.

"Yeah. We have a lot in common mommy." She smiled as I gave a faint one and looked at Adonis.

He had his head thrown back, trying not to let tears fall.

"Daddy, can you build me a treehouse?" Amaris asked Adonis.

"You can have whatever you want baby." He spoke with his voice cracking, and he cleared his throat.

"Yay! I gotta tell Halo." Amaris danced running off to the living room.

I'd never forget this day. Ever.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

"Man, we haven't been to Shoreline in a minute." Darius spoke in the passenger seat.

Today I was taking Amaris, Halo, Zayden, and Nasir to the beach. AJ was with grandma Alice, and Rhyan had the twins.

"I know. I been craving one of these salads for the longest." I spoke as Darius gave me a side eye.

"You pregnant again?" He asked me.

"Trying to be. Which reminds me, can you watch the kids tonight?" I asked him, as he shook his head.

"Nope, going out tonight." He spoke as I frowned.

"What kind of uncle are you?" I asked pulling up to the store that had a deli.

"One without kids." He smiled as I flicked him off and parked the car.

"I'll go get the food. I don't wanna take all these kids in here, some of them have sticky fingers." I spoke eyeing Halo through the mirror.

"Auntie Brae, I don't steal anymore." Halo spoke as Darius chuckled.

"Well who stole my ten dollars when I was over yo house?" Zayden asked side eyeing her.

"Blanket Jr., cause Promise doesn't steal." Halo shrugged as Zayden flicked her nose and she slapped him.

"Well shit. She definitely belongs to Eli." Darius laughed.

"Keep your hands to yourself, both of you." I warned the two.

"You better get your niece auntie Brae, I'm not the one." Zayden warned folding his arms.

I looked at Genesis, who rested her head on Nasir's arm, watching him play Candy Crush. She had been quiet all day, since I gave her the medicine Dr. Johnson sent to the pharmacy and I got it filled last night.

"You okay Amaris?" I asked as she looked at me and smiled.

"Yes mommy, are you okay? You need a hug?" She asked me.

"She's daughter goals bro. She so sweet." Darius fake cried as I slapped him upside the head.

"Keep your hands to yourself Aunt Brae." Halo and Zayden said at the same time, before laughing.

"Keep on Ren and Stimpy, and y'all gon' be starving." I smiled at the two.

"Halo, stop. I gotta stay fat and happy, I can't afford to miss a meal." Zayden tried to whisper.

"She can't do that. We can call dcf, like grandma did on that girl cross the street." Halo spoke as my mouth fell open.

"The stripper?" Zayden asked as I looked at Darius who was sitting there with his mouth open.

"Yeah. Grandma say she wasn't feeding her kids." Halo shrugged.

I quickly got out the car, cause them kids was too damn much.

Walking inside the store, I went to the back where the deli was and stood in line. I waited patiently, until it always my turn and ordered sandwiches along with salads for me and Darius.

While I waited on my food to be made, I grabbed some chips, drinks, and other snacks for the kids. By the time I was done the food was made, and I took it up front so I could pay.

As soon as I sat the food down, someone stood behind me and spoke. "Put it on my tab."

Turning around, I noticed it was Navadius and quickly cursed under my breath. He looked me up and down like I was some type of snack, making my skin crawl as I clutched my purse.

"You look like you seem a ghost, you don't miss me?" He asked with a smile.

"Do yourself a favor, and leave me alone." I warned him.

"What you mean? I was just in the neighborhood getting a sandwich and-"

"You're a damn lie! Just like you lied about me on that song." I spoke as he stared at me.

"You know it's the truth." He spoke lowly.

"No, it's a lie. You wasn't all that." I spoke watching his light brown orbs grow dark before they flickered back to being light.

"You just talking. Let's go somewhere and talk for old times sake." He spoke grabbing my hand, that I quickly snatched away from him.

I turned to walk away, but he grabbed my wrist too tight for my liking. That resulted in me pulling out my mace, and maxing him watching him scream.

I wasted no time running out the store, saying fuck that food in the process.

Adonis was going to kill this man.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Instead of going to the beach, I came back home and made the kids some food and let them run around the backyard. Adonis had a small playground out back now, and the kids seemed to love that.

I was going to talk to him about Navadius when he got home, because I didn't want him getting upset.

Kensie had been on my mind lately, and I hadn't heard anything from her since the funeral so I decided to call her up. Just to check on her.

When I was greeted by a message system saying her phone had been disconnected, I drowned in confusion. I know she can afford a damn phone bill.

Attempting to call again, I was greeted by the same thing causing me to bite my lip. This crazy idea popped up in my head, that I should go check on her.

And I wouldn't be Brae if I didn't follow my crazy mind.

When I got there, I noticed her car out front before I went inside the building and made my way to her floor. Once I got to her floor, I followed the numbers on her door, until I stood in front of hers.

I frowned at the stench in the air, wondering what the fuck that scent was. Knocking on the door harder than I intended, I covered my nose and looked around.

There was no answer at first, so I knocked again as my phone vibrated causing me to see a text from Rhyan.

Rhyan 💚: Loho signed her rights over we got our baby girl !!!!!!!!!!!

I smiled, as the  locks unraveled and Kensie opened the door. That foul smell I was smelling, flew out the door damn near knocking me over.

Kensie stood in front of me, looking a mess. She wore an old shirt that was falling off her body, she looked as if she hadn't been eating, and her hair was all over the place.

Bags were underneath her eyes, and skin was dry.

"Kensie, I came to check on you. You okay?" I asked her, as she shrugged and offered for me to come inside.

Stepping inside the apartment, I noticed food boxes on the table, cover on the couch as if that's here she had been sleeping. Liquor bottles on the floor, along with used tissues.

I stepped into her kitchen, and damn near threw up at the sight. The garbage was running over, and maggots were starting to form.

This girl really lost her shit.

Somehow I managed to clean her house, and even give her stinky ass a bath. I combed her hair and made her look like somebody, dressed her, and packed her a bag before taking her home with me.

I knew Adonis was going to pitch a bitch, but this girl needed some help like I told him from the beginning.

❤️❤️❤️

Adonis called and told me he was coming home late, so after I got Kensie and the kids settled I put everybody to bed and gave myself some attention. After a nice bath, I dressed in panties, bra and a robe and sat in the living room sipping wine thinking of the crazy day I had.

The alarm beeped notifying me Adonis was coming through the door. I could hear one of the dogs bark, making me giggle.

Instead of being greeted by a tired face or a smile, Adonis greeted me with a frown flicking the lights on.

"Being your ass here." He spoke gesturing for me to follow him.

"Excuse me?" I spoke eyeing him.

"I'm not in the mood, bring ya ass." He warned making me sigh.

We made our way to his office, where he sat at the computer and did some typing and clicking. I was still nursing my wine, getting a little sleepy as I stood across the room.

"Come look at this shit." He spoke.

I walked over to the computer, and saw pictures of my nude self sent to Adonis' email. Not just me, me with Navadius.

"Ugh!" I screamed throwing the glass across the room, resulting in it shattering.

"You said-"

"Adonis that's all I remember happening that night. I was drunk." I spoke covering my face as tears welled up in my eyes, "He's such a spiteful bitch."

After pacing the floor for a moment, I began to tell Adonis what happened earlier today with Navadius at the store. He grew pissed, and sat with a clenched jaw.

Before he could say anything, there was slight knock at his office door.

"Can I have some water please?" Kensie mumbled trying not to make eye contact with us.

"What the hell is this shit?!" He asked as I told him to calm down, and went to get Kensie some water.

After I have her water, I sent her back to bed. When I returned to the office, Adonis was gone causing me to sigh.

I cleaned the glass up, before heading upstairs to our bedroom, where he was taking off his clothes.

"Have you lost your mind? Bringing that damn girl up in here?" He asked me taking off his shirt, sitting on the bed.

"I told you she needed help! I went to her place to check on her, and it was a damn mess. She had liquor bottles, food boxes, and tissues everywhere. Not to mention garbage running over and maggots!" I tried to reason with him.

"Well you could've dropped her ass off at a psych ward! She not in the right state of mind to be around these damn kids man!" He yelled hopping up off the bed heading for the bathroom, "Fuck!" He yelled slamming the bathroom door making me jump.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

|A D O N I S|

"Say what now?" I asked biting on my bottom lip, as I slammed into Brae delivering a smack to her ass making her gasp.

"I'ma listen babe! I swear." She yelled reaching behind her, trying to push me away only for me to grab her wrist and pin it down on her back.

"Why you gon' listen?" I asked slowing down my strokes, sliding in and out of her at a slow pace sending chills down her spine.

"Adonis!" Brae whimpered as I release her wrist and grabbed her hair.

"Why you gon' listen?" I mumbled licking her ear.

"Oooh cause you the man." She moaned as her legs shook violently making me smile before she came.

Brae fell on her stomach, biting her lip as she clutched the sheets. I trailed kisses down her back, then flipped her over trailing kisses down to her lower lips.

Pecking her lower lips that was wet, I flicked my tongue on her clit making it jump because it was still sensitive.

My mouth latched to her lower lips, sucking them gently before I slid my tongue between her wet folds and began to explore. I held her thighs in both hands, lifting her up until she was standing on her head.

Her legs now rested in the crook of my arms, as I licked and sucked on her lower lips and clit listening to her cries. Five minutes passed before Brae pushed on my stomach telling me she couldn't take standing on her head any longer, so I laid her on her back still devouring her pussy, while pushing her legs back by her head and holding on to her ankles tightly.

I could hear the small breaths leaving her mouth, as I flicked my tongue back and forth in fast pace as she grew closer to her peak. Biting her clit gently before taking it into my mouth sucking on it, Brae moaned loudly and began to squirt.

Smiling in satisfaction, I cleaned her up with my tongue before releasing her ankles and falling on my back. Brae sat up and climbed on top of me, leaning down sucking on my lips as I palmed her ass gently.

"I love you." Brae cooed in a whisper against my lips, staring in my eyes with her hair all over her head.

"I love you too." I replied licking her lips, as she smiled at me.

Taking one hand grabbing my manhood, I ran it up and down her slit as she shut her eyes and pushed herself down on it. Brae slid down inch by inch, giving me lustful eyes and squeezing her muscles around it resulting in me shutting my eyes letting out a groan.

Once Brae took me in all the way, she began to move back and forth as we laid body to body. Our lips latched to each other's resulting in kisses, with Brae moaning in my mouth every so often or trying to catch her breath.

I thrusted up inside her, as she broke the kiss and placed her face in the crook of my neck whining. The strokes were slow, driving her crazy.

"How that feel?" I whispered, as she faced me with tears in her eyes and her lip quivering unable to find the words.

Brae sat up, and began to glide up and down on me slowly which soon turned to a fast pace. Her breasts jiggled as she bounced, and she sucked my two fingers I slid in her mouth while I groped her breast.

I ended up groping it so hard, some of her breast milk slid down my hand and arm as she came we both came close our peak.

"Ah fuck." I moaned as she locked her walls around me with a devious smirk until we both came.

Brae sat still for a moment, trying to catch her breath. I watched her roll off me, and slowly get out of bed trying not to fall.

She went to the bathroom, and came back with a warm rag wiping us both up. After she took the rag back to the bathroom, she climbed back in bed under the sheets with me and laid her head on my chest.

I played in her hair, as we both listened to the quietness in the house. It was six in the morning on a Saturday, and Brae woke me up trying to talk about this situation with Kensie which led to an argument, and led us to where we are right now.

"I honestly was just trying to help. She's fallen into post-partum depression." Brae tried to reason rubbing my stomach.

I let out a sigh, and used my left hand to run my temples. This shit was giving me a headache, and had me paranoid to the point where I couldn't sleep.

I'd just managed to fall sleep, when Brae woke me up.

"Baby, I understand that's a bad state for a woman to be in and it's also unhealthy. You don't know what could be on her mind, she could kill me and you and run off with our babies. You and the kids are my priority, and I gotta protect y'all. I don't think it's safe having her in the house, so she gotta go. We'll get her some help, but she can't stay here." I reasoned with Brae.

"Okay." She whispered snuggling close to me.

"I love you." I mumbled as she looked up at me and smiled showing her dimples.

"I love you too." She spoke before pecking my lips and closing her eyes.

❤️❤️❤️

We all sat at the table, enjoying the breakfast Brae made for us. It was quiet, with the exception of forks and spoons making contact with the plate.

Kensie sat in front of her plate, pushing French toast around in syrup. Her fist rested against the side of her face, as she sat there moping.

Brae stared at her with a look of sympathy, before shutting her eyes to keep from crying. It wasn't long before AJ began to cry through the baby monitor.

"I'll get him." Brae spoke quickly hopping up, "Amaris come help mommy."

"But I'm not finished." She mumbled with her mouth full.

"What did I say?" Brae asked tilting her head to the side.

Queen got up, and followed Brae. I waited until the two were upstairs, before speaking to Kensie.

Seeing her in the house last night, made my stomach knot up. Something about this wasn't right, and I was going to fix whatever it was before it turned into a problem.

"How long you been messed up like this Kensie?" I asked curiously, causing her to look up at me slowly with sad brown eyes.

Her black hair was done in two French braids, and she wore a pair of silk pajamas Brae gave her. It was actually a wedding gift from my mama, but Brae ungrateful ass didn't like it.

It wouldn't have killed her to wear the shit one time.

"I-I don't know." She mumbled and looked down at her hands, "I thought I was okay. I thought after we buried her I was okay, then one day I couldn't get out of bed and I just didn't care about anything anymore."

I bit my lip, knowing the feeling. After Addison passed it hit me hard, and if I didn't have Brae and the kids I wouldn't know what to do.

But Kensie didn't have anybody. Her mama and her friend Janelle was ignorant as hell, and Ashanti had her own stuff to tend to.

She was all by herself, and I felt bad a little bit. I felt as because she was the mother to my daughter, and I felt like I didn't support her enough.

But the only thing keeping me bonded to her was Addison, and she's gone now.

"I know how you feel Kensie, and I know it's easier said than done but you gotta move on." I tried to reason.

"Yeah, it is easier said than done. You have other kids, at least you have them to fall back on." Kensie shrugged, with jealousy in her eyes.

"You'll get your happily ever after soon K. I love you as the mother of my daughter and I wanna see you happy, but if you keeping moping you never will." I spoke touching her shoulder as she sniffed.

It was quiet, as I allowed her to cry.

"I found a doctor for you, and they house women with post partum depression. Don't think I'm kicking you out, I just think it's best you let us go. Only if you need us, just call." I spoke giving her a solid hug.

"Promise?" She asked me

"Promise." I lied to her.

There was no point in holding on.

Kensie let me go, and nodded her head while wiping her tears. Her phone rang, and she stared at it for a moment before looking at me.

"I'm going to take this, and get ready." She spoke slowly getting up.

I watched her walk out the kitchen, and let out a sigh rubbing my stomach. Queen ran in the kitchen, hopping back in her seat grabbing her fork eating her food making me laugh.

I saw Eli's face flash on the Tv, that was on the news causing me to turn it up. Eli called and informed me about the incident with Lolo, I just didn't know he would be on the news for this shit.

Niggas beat they baby mama ass everyday B.

Not only was Mr. Savage arrested on a variety of charges, but another one of his businesses has managed to get shit down temporarily. Angela Odom happened to catch Mayor Pierce outside of the closing of Mr. Savage's business.

A video of Mayor Pierce popped up, making my upper lip curl. This bitch really had no life, and after I was done with Navadius ass he was next.

"I'm just concerned about the things taking place in our community. Especially in places where we have a lot of tourists and civilians walking. These streets are made to be safe. But you have criminals like Mr. Savage who bring this type of foolishness and plays victim when police get involved. These type of things aren't coincidental." Mayor Pierce, "There's no telling what him and his brother are up to behind this legit front."

The video went back to the original news anchor.

"You may remember Adonis Savage, who is now known as a legendary photographer. He was charged with capital murder almost five years ago, with his older brother Zaire Savage. Adonis was acquitted of the murder charge, and is now a legendary photographer that was listed on Forbes. We will keep you updated on this story." She spoke flashing a smile with that ugly ass fuscia lipstick.

Brae walked into the kitchen, handing AJ over to me. He rubbed his nose, and looked at me with eyes that read he was miserable.

"What was that on the news?" Brae questioned me.

"Lies." I replied kissing my son on the head.

❤️❤️❤️

"Eli, fuck is you doing?" I asked as he walked into the foyer, eating a sandwich.

"I'm eating a sandwich ho. You don't drag a man out of bed in the wee hours of morning, without eating." He fussed before biting into the sandwich, "This ho got pepper jack cheese, shit lit. You want some bih?"

I smacked my lips, and cut my eyes peeking out the sheer curtain. If Navadius thought I was gon' let that shit he did slide, he had me fucked up.

The only person who was going to have nudes of my wife was me, and that was for my eyes only on some J. Cole shit.

Me, and Eli were currently waiting on him to get home from the club. This nigga went to the club more than anybody I knew.

"You seen that shit with the mayor?" Eli asked me.

"Mhmm, I say we send this evidence to the police and let Abel people break his neck in general population." I suggested as lights flashed on the window.

"Sound good to me." Eli spoke finishing his sandwich, before picking up his metal bat.

We already scoped the house for cameras, and different view angles to make sure the neighbors wouldn't notice us. The plan was indeed to kill him, but we would dispose of the body and let his people assume he went missing,

"Damn I need some juice." Eli mumbled as Navadius walked up the pathway.

I rolled my eyes at his ghetto ass, I stood on the other side of the door across from him. Navadius whistled, while playing with his keys before inserting one into the lock.

Twisting the lock, he pushed the door open and walked inside stepping on the tarp. His face frowned up in confusion, before his eyes grew wide and he realized what was going on.

"Batter up!" I spoke before swinging the bat to the mid-section of his stomach.

Navadius doubled over, and fell face first while Eli kicked the door close. I lifted the bat, and swung it again making instant contact with the back of his legs where his knee was hearing the instant cracking noise.

"You thought you was gon' fuck my wife, taunt me, and not see me?" I asked between swinging the bat, as Navadius cried like the lil bitch that he is.

"Please man." He managed to beg, as Eli pushed me away while laughing.

"Enough. Let big bro help you out." Eli grinned pulling out a pocket knife, eyeing it admiration, "When niggas talk too much shit, you cut they tongue out."

Navadius began to scream, as Eli turned him over and forced his mouth open. I watched as he cut his tongue out, and grinned behind his ski mask.

Standing to his feet, while Navadius flopped like a fish out of water Eli held up his tongue.

"Ask Brae do she still want her ass ate like a cupcake?" Eli snickered while I smacked my lips.

[thekingofzor]

Doing the iMpossible:  Pulling the Plug

This past weekend, I made the (rather difficult) decision to pull the plug on my Lumia 950.  I’ve never owned a smartphone that wasn’t running some version of Microsoft’s mobile platform.  My first smartphone was a Motorola Moto Q 9c – and it was a fantastic phone.  I’d moved to a Samsung Omnia after that, then had an HTC phone before finally moving to a Nokia.  The Lumia Icon was probably my all-time favorite phone – both hardware and OS – but I couldn’t help but be excited by the idea of Continuum with Windows 10 Mobile, so I made the decision to drop the Icon (and Verizon), switch to AT&T, and get the Lumia 950.

Speaking strictly of hardware, the phone was fantastic.  It was speedy, the screen was gorgeous, it had a dedicated camera button, expandable storage, a removable battery, the camera tech was expectedly top-notch, and so on.  It was a solid device.  Design was simple, but it had the quality feel of a Nokia (despite lacking the branding). It was a device that showed a lot of promise, loaded with an OS that promised even more.  Unfortunately, the OS wasn’t what I’d consider to be complete when the phone launched.  It lacked features, had bugs, and was a little awkward to use.  But I had faith that it would get better.  And it did.  For a while.

The Windows 10 Anniversary Update fixed a lot of my complaints and the system became nearly as usable as Windows Phone 8.1.  Some things it did better – like notifications, quick settings, the Store layout, SMS relay through Skype.  Some things it did worse – like being consistently reliable.

The past 3 months or so have been exceptionally difficult on Windows 10 Mobile. Notifications and messages failed to come through, Skype’s SMS relay was pretty consistently broken (requiring the Messaging app to be opened for the messages to finally appear in Skype), the screen would fail to turn on when the power button was pressed or when the phone would ring.  There was a lot of bad happening, and it wasn’t just for me and my phone.  My wife, who also had a Lumia 950, and my mom, who has a Lumia Icon with Windows 10 Mobile, experienced similar issues.

My dad has an Icon running an insider build of Windows 10 Mobile, and things seem to be going better for him.  I rely on my phone for work and can’t really risk running a pre-production OS with potentially more bugs, and I certainly can’t sit around waiting for the Creator’s Update to roll out so my phone might be useable again.  With app publishers abandoning the platform at an increasing rate, Microsoft failing to fix the usability, and the promise of a better future on Windows Mobile being next to nonexistent, I needed to do something I thought I would never do: Jump ship to another mobile platform.

I’m a Microsoft fanboy through and through, but I will (eventually) admit they’re wrong and adjust course when they make a mistake.  And they’ve made quite a few recently.  I was excited to have the Band 2 on my wrist, I got less and less excited with each new warranty claim.  I made a total of 3 before calling it quits and joining team Fitbit (the last refurbished Band I was sent is sitting unused on my coffee table).  Unfortunately, despite Fitbit’s support of Windows Mobile, the lack of GATT support on Windows 10 Mobile means that functionality between my Fitbit Blaze and phone was limited to syncing up my progress. Notifications were a no-go, and that was a pretty big deal for me – having purchased the Blaze specifically for that reason.  GATT support was promised around April of 2016 and arrived in preview for insiders mid-January 2017.  Too little, too late.

Windows 10 Mobile has been a long and bumpy road of promises, excitement, and failure to deliver on both those.  While the platform works exactly as I’d expect, does everything I need it to, and has the UI I prefer, it had gotten to the point where I was lucky if the phone would let me answer a call or notified me of an incoming text.  Both those, I feel, are pretty important when communication is a primary function of a phone.  This growing frustration peaked when I was on-call for work and received several phone calls I couldn’t answer – I sat there powerless trying to get my phone to respond as Strong Bad’s “The System is Down” blasted through my speakers.  I now feel an overwhelming sensation of anxiety every time I hear that song, and I’m blaming Microsoft for that emotional damage.

I reached a point where I knew that I couldn’t continue like that.  It was time to take off the rose-tinted glasses and stop seeing Windows Phone for how nice it used to be and see it for the abusively neglectful platform that it now is.  I still hold to hope that it can change but, until that time, I need to say “goodbye” and see other phones.

The phone I’d spend the next two or so years with was a big decision to make – and it’s one that, ultimately, came down to the charger.  It might seem like a weird thing to base my decision on, but I have my reasons.  Having switched from Verizon to AT&T, the Google Pixel isn’t available through my carrier, and I don’t have the kind of money to just buy one outright.  I did take a look at Samsung’s offerings, but the Galaxy S7 / S7 Edge use USB micro to charge – which is terrible for 2 reasons:

1.       USB Micro

2.       Since our Lumia 950s used USB type C (and every new device should start embracing this standard) we got rid of nearly all our USB micro cables.

There was an LG phone in-store that used USB type C, but I hadn’t done any prior research on that device to make an educated decision.  In the end, the iPhone seemed like the best choice for me. There’s a lot of sacrifice in choosing iOS over Android – and switching to iOS from Windows – but Apple has a huge amount of pull in the mobile market, their OS is solid and not overly bloated, and their hardware is refined and reliable.  I’m not the biggest fan of Apple, and I’ve been very critical of their lack of innovation over the past 5 years, but they do make quality devices, and that’s something I can get behind.  As an added bonus, I have an Apple TV and an iPad, so we have Lightning cables to go around (which is why the charger a phone uses is important to me).

The next chapter of my mobile life begins with the iPhone 7 Plus.  I don’t think it’s going to be an easy chapter; there will be trials as I try to learn to love something new and different. So, so different.  But it’s something that had to happen.  I need a dependable phone that will continue to be supported for the next two or so years.  I need a phone that just works, and that’s what I got. I’m still hopeful Microsoft will turn things around so I can return to their loving embrace.  Until then, I need to be realistic and have something reliable in my pocket.

[izzy-b-hands]

On mobile so I can't put a read more, but I'm going to try and tag well--I need to vent. ----------- So today has been the worst day dealing with my mom in awhile. Like we've been in an okay patch where she hasn't been giving so many mixed messages and orders, but that came roaring back today for some reason. It starts out crappy because we head to my tattoo appointment, but my artist was sick and had to reschedule (though please note I'm not mad at him in any way, I'm glad he was going home rather than suffering sick thru work, because I know how much that sucks no matter what your job is. It just made me sad that I wasn't getting tattooed today and those appointments are like spa days for me.) Before we left for the shop though, she was super pissy and generally making me not want her there at the appointment because I didn't want her bugging my artist or being fussy at having to wait for my appointment to be over (which she's done at past tattoo appointments that I did offer to go to alone by getting a cab or taking the bus.) Anyway, after the tattoo shop we decide to go run a quick shopping trip, and our interactions go down hill. We're both struggling financially right now, but I've been buying a lot for the both of us the past week. But she asks me to get this trip, so I say yes because it won't do any good to say no. Then we get there and she's grabbing extra stuff not on our list, half assedly asking if it's okay even when the thing is in the cart and we're eight aisles away already--like, I'm not gonna argue and say no at that point, cause she'd just get pissy. The store was busy too, so we were both starting to get upset in general. Now, I will note that my fragile emotional state today wasn't all due to her. The whole 'you're still stuck at a shitty job in ND and haven't totally gotten your writing off the ground' thing has been hitting hard for a couple weeks, but especially today. But I wasn't complaining or bugging her with it, I was just trying to ignore those feelings. At the end of it she's rude to the teen cashier, (she knows that behavior is something I don't tolerate), but we get to the car. I offer to buy lunch out from a place we both like because at that point I was more treating myself than her. Like, I'm on the verge of emotionally overwhelmed tears in the car from the day and stuff building up for weeks and she's just hopping cause she gets her fav food. I was literally crying (quietly though) as we left the parking lot and she keeps going on about what sandwich she's getting. At first I thought she didn't notice, but then she looks over and goes "Oh," and that's it. So she noticed, and normally would at least be like, "hey, you're crying, is everything okay?" Not at that moment. In the drive through I started crying more, because I honestly couldn't help it (that hasn't stopped either, I'm on like my tenth cry of the day right now) and then she finally showed concern. I couldn't tell her anything she had done to cause it (in the past that's earned me shouting and 'ungrateful brat' kind of comments that she swears later she didn't mean) but I did explain the wanting to move and earn my primary income from my art frustrations though, and she surprised me by being kind and supportive. I thought we were okay then and the day would be okay. Wrong. We eat, she decides to nap cause she was getting a headache, I decide to play GTA V for an hour or two. The cat wakes her up in about that time (I tried to get Nish to let my mom sleep, but she wanted both her humans awake and wouldn't take any food or toys I offered.) Mom's mood is wildly different then. She's angry. She complains about clothes being ready to hang in the washer (I didn't see or hear her put them in, or I would have taken care of them) and goes to do that. I follow, and try to fix things by taking the basket and offering to help. As soon as we get in to the room we hang the clothes in to dry, she's even angrier. First I'm taking the dry clothes down too slowly, then too quickly when I hang up wet ones in their place. Then I'm hanging the clothes wrong on the hanger. I tried for a bit to make it work, but she was ripping clothes out of my hand, tossing the laundry basket around, and pushing empty hangers to the floor in the same way an angry toddler would. So I get her the extra hangers from my room, hang up my dry clothes in my closet, and go back to my laptop in the living room, and turn it all off. That was the breaking point for me--I knew she'd be pissed at me next for playing a game (that's the usual cycle of these situations no matter what I'm doing--if I'm just sitting there doing nothing then I'm still doing something wrong) so I closed it down. Here comes the mixed messages. She asks when she goes back to the couch, suddenly really quietly, why I'm packing my stuff up. I tell her I have a headache and want to be in my room (partially true, though it isn't a bad enough headache that I'd go lie down) she acts sad, but let's me go and I leave trying to figure out her 360 emotional spin. Fast forward a few hours of me crying quietly in my room, panicking over how she might act for dinner and how even though my psychologist said to stand up for myself and call out her behavior and how she'd be totally pissed at me if I'd acted like she had all day I still can't bring myself to say anything because I'm afraid of my mom yelling when I do that. There's a quick, tense discussion on what to do for dinner a bit later, and dinner itself wasn't awful, just uncomfortable (in part because we had pizza and I had to eat all the pieces left, or she'd do her usual spiel about how I don't eat left overs fast enough so I shouldn't leave them, yet she can leave them because she's formally dieting and I'm not.) I try to go back to my room and she stops me. "Bye," she says in a voice equal parts sad and offended. Now, no matter what I'd done here would have been a problem. In past moments like this, there have been some where she guilted me to staying in the living room (but then acted nasty towards me if I fell asleep and didn't wake her up to help remind her to take out her contacts or get her to bed at a decent hour) and some where I've gone back to my room (and she'd pop in every couple of hours to ask if I still wasn't coming back out, glare at anything I might have on the floor, and sigh even when my room is clean--the issue I've found there is that it isn't clean in the way she'd clean it, so it pisses her off, no matter how much I try and clean 'her way' even when executive dysfunction makes it hard.) Tonight, I chose my room, which brings us to now. She already popped in once, as I was typing so I had to hide my iPad so she wouldn't see this post. I already know she'll have fallen asleep in the living room, so I can't fall asleep yet in case she doesn't wake up by ten or elevenish on her own to go into her bedroom. And I get her headache might be making her feel like shit, but here's the rub-- We've been having these moments and situations since I was four. I know everyone has days where they act shitty cause they don't feel well, but why does she expect me to just ignore her on those days when she never lets me have a day like that. If I acted how she did today, she'd have yelled and been angry with me (even tho she stresses now how we're just as much roommates as mom and kid since I'm an adult, so we should treat each other more like roommates.) I was the one who was gracious and asked my artist if he was okay to check out my healing before he left (which he happily did, and he said he was glad I let him check because it showed responsibility as a tattoo owner that he doesn't always see) while she whined that we shouldn't have to pay for the visit and embarrassed the hell out of me (they didn't charge because we didn't tattoo today, and none of the artists at the shop have ever said they'd charge for a literal 'roll up your sleeve for two minutes and let me look' thing, tho I think they probably could and should--I'm willing to hand over my money to people who care about me and the art on my body.) I was the one who kept us on track during shopping and got us home at a decent time, with lunch, even tho my anxiety was at an all time high and I was already an over emotional mess. And I was the one trying to find a way to make her happy, even after she'd made me cry a few times over. I just wonder how long I'm going to go thru this with her. My five year plan now is to save up to move to California, but it's killing me I can't go now. To be closer to other artists and collab and share my art with them (one book in the series I'm writing is nearly done with my editing, the second books first draft is written, and I started writing the third books first draft this week, and I didn't even plan on it becoming a series); to be away from my mom and my family's bullshit; to be in a state that will protect my orientation and gender identity (they can still fire u for that first one in ND)--it all feels so close yet so far away and days like today I just feel so tired of living the way I am, yet I don't have the money or options to change anything yet. This got way too long--if u read it all, thank u but also I'm sorry. U can tell it got too long cause I've given up typing as formally as I usually do. Anyway, I should take this moment to thank u all for still following me and reading my blog--writing and rants alike. It's a small comfort, but it makes me feel less alone. And on days like today, that's one of the few things I have. Here's to hoping for easier days with family, for me and any of u guys that might be struggling with similar issues right now. If any of u ever need to vent, my ear is ready to listen (and comfort if u want.)

[vestedbeauty]

Did I Just Buy the Best Desk Chair Ever? Or Did I Waste My Money? ALL33 Review

New Post has been published on https://vestedbeauty.com/best-desk-chair/

Did I Just Buy the Best Desk Chair Ever? Or Did I Waste My Money? ALL33 Review

I Paid a Small Fortune for What May Be My Best Desk Chair Ever. Here’s How I Like It.

If they ever make a documentary about me stalking my new ALL33 desk chair, I hope they get Sir David Attenborough to do the narration.

NARRATOR: Tonight, on NOVA: As daylight breaks, we catch our first glimpse of her. Massive mug full of coffee, see her approach her perch. There she will spend the next eight to ten hours, leaving only to move laundry, feed chickens, or sweep dog hair from the hallway. When she does stir, if we watch closely, we will see her rub the tension from her lower back and roll her shoulders to ease soreness and try to reestablish blood circulation. Enter the hidden world of a writer with a bad chair.

[music]

NARRATOR: Our writer friend has stumbled onto an advertisement for a chair that looks only slightly similar to those she has seen before. See as her eyebrow sinks into concave formation as she clicks the link to learn more? This is… her concentration face.

Now, if we watch carefully, cautious not to spook her, we can see her reading the details about this chair. Ahh, there it is. Did you catch her lip curling up with the hint of a smile? It only lasted a moment before her eyebrows shifted into an elevated convex shape, shooting halfway up her forehead.

Clearly, she saw the price.

[music]

Major funding for this blog post comes from the Day Job Foundation, a regular contributor to the writer’s care and upkeep. 

This program is also funded, in part, by her own writing firm, which has a long history of feeding her and her brood.

And by readers like you, who, should they purchase anything through any affiliate links on this website, will send a few bucks her way - at no additional cost to you, by the way.

Why On Earth Spend So Much on an Office Chair?

When I first started seeing ads for the ALL33 chair, the company was doing some crowdfunding. So, there was a video, a bunch of info, and the opportunity to buy at a discount - assuming they hit their funding goal. The ad, if I remember right, proclaimed that this was a chair like no other. Completely redesigned to correct for bad posture, and built to cradle your backside for “active” sitting, it definitely looked different. But even then, the price seemed steep (guessing it was like $350?). 

So, I shelved the idea and went back to work in the worn-out roller chair I’d gotten from Amazon a few years ago. It was black. It had wheels. Nothing distinguishing at all - unless you count the fact that the arm pads had started disintegrating. 

Prior to the most boring office chair in the world, I’d experimented with an exercise ball. It gave me happy flashbacks to playing on a Hippity-Hop. (What color was yours? I remember having a red one.) The issue with that was the level of concentration needed to stay ON the exercise ball. It wasn’t like doing brain surgery, but it did require more attention than I’d like to invest in merely avoiding falling on my butt in the middle of a Zoom call.

How Well Do You Think on Your Feet?

“She who sits most dies first.” That warning hit home when I first heard it. Even though I make the effort to get up and move around during the day, it’s not enough. As a writer, I work best when I enter a flow state of deep concentration. 

Picky. That’s probably the best descriptor for me while I arrange my environment. If you’re less charitable, you might call me obsessive instead. That’s okay. In my experience, when I can get into this sublime state of pure flow, the words just drop from heaven into my mind, resting there only long enough for me to tap them into the keyboard. The writing is fast. It’s pure. It’s more aligned with whatever message a piece is meant to convey. The alternative scenario involves something like wrassling. You know, like some crazy guy rolling around in the mud with an alligator, hoping for the best.

My ability to manage my environment is a huge determinant of productivity in my writing day. Every sensory input matters. Not too hot or too cold. Not too bright or dark. Either silence or the right kind of music (typically no lyrics - although I’ve found the trip hop genre to be amazingly conducive to flow).

But getting into the flow state has a dark side, one involving my backside. If I can get into the groove, it’s nothing for me to write for hours on end. Well, at least until someone walks into the space - or if a dog nudges me for pets.

So it made sense for me to try a standing desk. As a teen, I worked at a bakery, spending the whole shift on my feet. But while I can walk for miles without a complaint, standing in one spot has never been comfortable for me. 

I was skeptical from Day One. So, my sweet hubby set me up with a workspace on the high counter in our kitchen as a test. If I liked it, it would make sense to buy a legit standup desk.

That was a hard “no.” Not only was it hard for me to get into any sort of creative flow, but my back, legs, and feet hurt. Productivity plummeted because I kept walking around instead of focusing on my work. 

The Treadmill Desk

The standing desk debacle gave me an idea, though. If walking worked better than standing, maybe I could work on a treadmill at the gym. All I’d need is a desk surface that stretched between the arms of the treadmill. Sweet hubby had just the answer. He made me a lightweight but sturdy aluminum desk. 

It looked like a guillotine. There were lots of questions. I felt a little weird. But once I set it up and set the treadmill to a pace of about 2 mph, I could work and walk at the same time. Sort of. 

Actual writing was tough. It was hard to enter the flow state while also trying not to fall off the treadmill and break myself. I could do planning, project management, and invoicing. But it wasn’t ideal.

So, Back to the ALL33 Chair

I’d back burnered the hunt for a better office chair, and that’s when I started getting ads for this crazy contraption again. The list price is $800.

All I could think about was the “Will & Grace” episode where they run all over Manhattan chasing down a Herman Miller Aeron chair. (By the way, the only episode I ever saw.) Who pays that kind of money for an office chair? It just seemed extravagant and pretentious. 

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But I had a bit of an internal debate. Then an awakening. That led to a transformation… and a purchase.

Good old blue chair... you've been a faithful friend.

Once You Go Mac...

Several years back, I switched from PC to Mac. I’d been replacing my PC laptops every couple of years. They’d get full - or full of malware. It was annoying. Plus, they were heavy, which kind of put the kibosh on the idea of “working from anywhere.” Macbook Pros ran about $1200 for a base model, easily three times more costly than the PC laptops I bought. But boy, was it worth it. The transition was easy. All my tech works together, making transferring from iphone to ipad to laptop a breeze. 

Soon, the idea of getting an iMac desktop seemed like a good idea. A decade into my writing business, I finally had an office and a desk rather than working from the blue La-Z-Boy I’d commandeered back in 2005. (It’s seen much, much better days - but nobody’s got the heart to put it out by the curb.)

This upgrade set a precedent. As a work tool, it made perfect sense to get the best I could afford. The increase in productivity meant the computers more than paid for themselves in the first year.

Surely, the same would hold true for a good desk chair.

Still Practicing an Abundance Mindset

Throughout my early adult life, we were broke. I was married to a pastor who only hit his earnings stride a couple of years before we divorced. We’d scraped by until I started my writing business, which loosened our budget a little. But there were years when he was trying to launch a new venture and not making more than a hundred bucks a week or so. There were years we qualified for free school lunches. There was also a bankruptcy due to my failed go at real estate investing. After leaving my first marriage, things got even tighter. The IRS was also a constant companion, thanks to the turnaround year we’d had in 2011. (It took me nearly eight years to pay that tax bill, but I finally did it!)

Scraping by was the norm. I got pretty good at it, too.

But I knew better. There is no fixed amount of pie out there in the world. It’s not a zero-sum game where if I have a slice, that means someone goes without. Instead, for every slice I take, I can create a whole new pie to share with others. (Shoutout to T. Harv Eker whose book nudged a radical transformation in my mindset here.)

Investing in the best tools I could afford meant investing in my productivity. Could it be that my own health is one of the most crucial tools of all? 

Life Or Death? Do I REALLY Need the Best Desk Chair?

I’d recently spent time with some folks experiencing significant mobility issues due to age and poor self-care. Watching them struggle to move well was hard. All I’d really seen was my parents, who are super-active and completely mobile. My dad, at 76, still goes to the gym about five days a week. He can do so many unassisted pull ups that he sometimes draws a crowd. THAT is the kind of mobility I want to enjoy until they put me in the ground.

This chair was more than a frivolous splurge. Mobility and self-care was more than a weak justification for overspending. If this ALL33 chair was all it was cracked up to be, it could be one of the best purchases ever.

So, I Did It

They’ve got a guarantee, which is such a smart marketing tactic. Knowing that either I’d love this chair or be able to send it back for a full refund made it a lot less risky.

They also had a little sale going on when I bought. (If I’d known someone who had one, I could have used their link to get a discount, too. Now I have a link like that - and you can use it to get $75 off if you want one.)

Shipping is included, so that’s good because it’s a pretty big box.

I came home from a work trip and saw the box out at the curb. That meant one thing: My sweet hubby had assembled it for me! 

Here’s the Scoop (and the scoop is the seat!)

It looks great. Just a little different from a standard office chair, if you don’t look closely. But when you do look closer, you see that the sitting surface is different. It reminds me of a saddle. It articulates, shifting to support you no matter how you sit. The lumbar support is practically angelic. The back allows for rocking or just tipping backward. The arms fold up so you can scoot into your work surface without obstruction. The wheels are as smooth as a good Target cart. I got the cloth version instead of the leather or faux leather - mostly because I like my butt to stay where I plant it rather than sliding, which seems to be a thing with leather seats.

Initial Impressions

The first few days of working in the chair were blissful. I felt zero fatigue from sitting. For some reason, I also felt so much more energized that I got up more often to putter. Nice.

The next few days felt a little sore. Kind of like when you go to the gym after a hiatus. Even if you take it easy, your muscles gripe about having to work. That’s how it was. Mostly it was my tailbone and mid back complaining. They stopped kvetching within a day or two, accepting that this was the new normal for sitting. 

Now, I Don’t Want to Leave Home… Ever!

I’m a homebody anyway. First, of course, there’s the fact that my sweet hubby is there! Also, got to acknowledge the dogs and other animals. This is my home.

The daily routines I’ve created are so soothing and energizing for me. The environment is just what I want. Days just flow as I do work I love and spend my non-working hours with my mate.

And that chair? I actually miss it when I’m working away from home. After all, it is by far the best desk chair my butt has ever sat upon.

Want to Try this Chair for Yourself? Here's a Promo Code for $50 Off ALL33 Chairs

If you have to sit, why not do it in a chair that will help you sit better, move better, stand better, and feel better? Use my special code VESTEDBEAUTY50 for an extra $50 off the chair you deserve!

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[warblgarbl4lyf]

Finished Haikyu!!, or at least up to s4 ep 13 because the 2and half of the season was held up due to COVID-19 😅... ah well. Really enjoyable series though! Gomma start that cheer one soon, and maybe Yuri on Ice? I'm a sucker for smooth animation (the jump serves in Haikyu!! Omg), so that might pull me in on that one.

Reading Jojolion, loving it. Half way through the available chapters and then I'll have to wait for them to be released along with everyone else.

The new guys that live across from my parents have a tiny puppy pibble and I think I scared the guy a little by awkwardly staring, asking to pet the puppy, fussing over the puppy because it was absolutely precious, thanking him and scurrying inside 🤣.

My Dad gave me his tablet he never uses because hes been at his work for 40 consecutive years (47 nonconsecutive), and picked to get a new ipad for mom as his service gift. He is gonna take moms old one, likely rarely using it, so he figured they didnt need 3. I am so happy, my ereader(kobo arc 7 tablet) doesn't hold a charge for more than an hour now if you're on wifi xD.. I've been looking at tablets for a while to replace it but wasnt going to spend that money at this moment. It's great too because now we can watch Netflix etc when we travel to NJ on an actual screen.

Hakim is FINALLY open tomorrow. My mission is give them my glasses to fix because wearing sunglasses all the time is starting to suck.