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annika-thelostlove · 1 year

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Battery Life \\ a Simon Feck x fem!reader

[Knight and Day (2010 film)]

A\N: I have been stuck on this fic for months 😭 I'm posting it as it is, and so there will be sooooo many mistakes I'm so sorry. This one just came out of the blue, but I hope you still enjoy some Simon Feck love ❤️

Summary: Simon is a genius, and youre nothing special. But he's kind enough to let you sleep in his bed while he plays video games. How dare you fall in love with him!

Warnings: angst (my usual brand I'm sorry) misunderstanding, lack of communication, mutual pinning, low self-esteem, depression, minor dubious consent kiss, happy ending!

Word count: 3374

You're not sure when it begun, youve been spending months on his sofa watching him play games, eating his food from his pantry, laying under his sheets when he let's you take a nap on his futon when you're tired. Hours of time to think to yourself what the hell is really going on, but you couldn't pinpoint the moment when you knew that you loved him.

Six months ago you only knew Simon as the kid-genius that goes to the same school as you. He was always busy, getting offered scholarships, skipping classes that he's already passed, getting featured on tech magazines, for him to ever know that you existed. He's an 18 year old engineering genius, they said. He's been offered a full ride through MIT or Yale or something like that. Or so you've heard.

You also heard a recent rumor that he lives by himself. They've given him his own apartment after turning 18. Its closer to his soon-to-be campus.

Simon is just too busy to notice anyone, too busy to make friends. You think you have that in common.

Except that you skip school not for extra education like Simon, but because you can't get out of bed. Sometimes you feel too empty.

Or when you have no lunch in your bag. Youre too embarrassed. Or if you haven't showered in a while. Just feels too ashamed.

People tend to ignore you, it's fine with you. To you everything in life is temporary. You're now in your final foster home until you're 18. They've been the best family so far, it been four years with them.

They really care about you. They probably even love you. But you still find it hard to really let them know when there's something wrong with you. You feel like you're a burden, they would disagree with that. But they just don't understand.

So for the whole of highschool you don't cross paths with the star pupil of the school Simon Feck. Apart from catching glances at him sometimes from down the hall. He's so tall, its hard to miss. Always talking to a teacher, he doesn't seem to have friends. Just like you.

You have never had one moment with him until graduation year.

Thinking back, you think he might have looked handsome asking you if you were okay standing in the cold. In truth, at that moment you were thinking that he looked nerdy in his glasses and striped shirt, and he was someone who definitely hasn't learned how to shave properly yet, with that tuft of hair on his chin.

"Are you waiting for someone?" his first words to you.

Youve been standing by the school building, pretending to be waiting to be picked up. But the truth was, you just didn't want to go home yet. One of your little sisters was taken back by her biological mother just the day before. It was just too hard to be there without her.

"Uh, I'm.. not really…" feet awkwardly shuffling. "-are you doing anything now?" You quickly change the subject. Simon's expression changes to a look of surprise.

"Now? Im just, gonna go home."

"Do you play video games?"

"Yes…do you play?"

"No, oh." You sadly respond. He swayed side to side, It took him a few more moments of hesitant contemplation to finally say. "Did you..want to- play?"

"Yes" you say without hesitation.

"Oh, like like, at my house?"

"Yes"

"Okay, um, my car is just around the side here." He points at the direction. "Well, you don't have to get in my car. If, if that seem inappropriate I-"

"Let's go. I don't care about any of that"

You follow eachother closely. He's neck is flushed, unsure where his situation is going. Once he gets you in his passenger seat he gets in and pauses.

"So, my name is Simon"

"I know"

He turns red all of a sudden. "Oh" he asks for your name, and you tell him. He repeats it to himself under his breath. Memorizing it.

—-

That had been months ago now. That first evening in his apartment you quietly watched him play his game untill you drifted into a deep sleep that you haven't had in so long. His sofa was cosy, and a few hours later you woke up to vision of Simon still playing his game beside you. But now there was blanket draped over your body that smelled like fabric softener, a little bit of moth ball and a third soft musk that you later on recognize to be Simon's distinct smell. It comforts you.

You've overstayed, and had to get home at 6pm.

Simon and you had never discussed about it. But it went on just like that everyday after school from then on. Watching Simon play, falling asleep, eating his snacks, sometimes crawling into his bed. He never touched you, he just let you exist in his space. Always asked if you liked the food. Never asked you if you needed anything else. He always just gave without needing to ask. Like giving blankets, the soda he now buys because you liked them, or the extra cable wire he bought so your phone can charge. Even though his own devices are incompatible to it. He must have bought it just for you.

You feel something, this burning in your chest. He loves you. Maybe. You don't know. You've never been in love before. You've never had anyone really love you before. So how can you recognize it?

But then every time you step into his space, he starts the hot water for tea, and passes you the comfiest pillow on the couch, you talk about anything and everything, you make him laugh, sometimes he make you laugh too, you listen to his tech rambling, despite not understanding. And you think that maybe this must be what love is like.

Maybe we're only friends. A friend you would dream about being together like this forever.

But that couldn't be right, he never speaks to you at school. Even now. Never looks towards you when youre in the same room, (you know since you look at him every chance you get). So whatever hope you have of Simon liking you back, it vanishes at the logic.

_____

Then it began, falling asleep on his shoulder, youve sat so close to him lately. You curled into his side like you were meant to fit there.

Simon still says nothing, he accepts it like he normaly does, it irks you that he feels nothing. Some days you just want to provoke him.

What are you to him?

A piece of decor in his room?

A friend?

Someone more?

He had become your gravity, you orbit around him as he exists like the sun. But you, you feel like a tiny rock just drifting through his universe, pulled by his gravity, and burning up once you got to close.

How can two people be so different? How can one be so brilliant, bright and important? Full of purpose and direction? While you drift along this life, aimless, and empty.

Where will you be after all of this? When Simon will eventually be in bright shiny places on day, where will you be?

_________

One late evening you wake to laying on top of him on his sofa, he fell asleep, his game is shut down and controller on the floor, he must have not wanted to disturb your sleep even though he's finished his game. He's been tired lately, they've been pushing him with some new battery project he's developing. You wish you could help him get more rest. You wish you had anything to really give him.

While you stared at the unique shape of his nose and lips, his eyes fluttered open. Seeing you so close, you felt his heart speed up, those few seconds you weren't ever sure who did it first, but one second you were lost in his green eyes, the next you were kissing him.

_______

Suddenly pulling away, you're panicked after you realize he's staying completely still beneath you. His eyes staring blankly at his ceiling. Shame floods through your body.

"I'm so sorry" you both say at once. But it's him that continues. "That shouldn't have happened, it was a mistake" mistake? He thought it was a mistake. You quickly try to patch up your rejection, with whatever came out of your mouth next.

"Yes, I- we shouldn't have done that, I don't know what came over me. Hah, I- it was a mistake, sorry Simon"

"No, no, I'm sorry too." He winced.

_____

Then the moment was promptly ignored. Never talked about it again. You felt lost about it all. It was helpless to keep loving someone who would never love someone like you.

You tried to go on a date or two trying to shake off that the memory with Simon. But you quickly stopped all of that just after two dates. Why did it feel like betrayal? When before each date all Simon ever said to you from finding out were, 'thats fine'. His eyes not once leaving the TV screen.

"Simon this guy asked me on a date, i- i wont be here that evening"

"That sounds fine, have fun"

"Simon I think I'll give him a chance"

"Sure fine" each blow to the heart pushes you more towards giving up.

Youre not even together. So you dont know why it hurts so much. It was impossible for you to even think about dating someone else now. So you just suck it up and endure it.

It was okay for a while, right until he started talking about other girls.

It came out of nowhere you think. But one week after another, there were issues and stories with a new girl each week, someone from his scholarship program. Someone from an expo. A guest speaker he admired. All of them he expressed how beautiful women can be, and that he can't seem to believe it sometimes. He would look over to you with gleam in his eyes. It felt like punishment, there was no way you could compete with that. They were all in his league, they were intelligent and strong and have bright futures. You have none of those things, you're entire existence brings down his bright one.

You remind yourself that after graduation, this should all be over. Just a few more weeks of unrequited love, and it can end.

It's better this way anyway, you think. You know you aren't meant for him.

One day Simon is going to invent something that would change the world, and then he will fly to somewhere like the white house, and they'll give him a bigger apartment, and his own lab, and they'll take him to countries like in Europe and talk to presidents, and he'll be so far away from you.

And you might just stay here and maybe get a job at the supermarket, and then you might stay there for a few years just to sort out a few things. Then maybe you'll move up in management at a nicer workplace, you're not quite sure of your plan is yet. Your two worlds are so different.

You smile sadly to yourself, and think of how happy your Simon is going to be. How proud you are to even know him. You can't really help it, but each night your tears slide down your cheek to your pillow thinking about him. His clear soothing voice, his delicate hands, his clueless similes. His hand on your shoulder, his stripped shirts and multiple sets of cargo pants. His scent on his shoulder, his lips on yours just that one time. You love him. And you don't know how to make it stop.

But that is all it can ever go. He doesnt want you, he deserves much more. So you kept to yourself, close to your heart. That's the only place it can belong.

_______

Then the night came, new years eve. There were fireworks out on the Street of his apartment. You watched it through his open window, the countdown in the last 6 seconds, at first you counted down, but his green eyes locked to yours so briefly, you think he looked nervous. You didn't even realize it struck midnight. In that next second his lips were on yours. A quick peck. All it was.

He pulled away and you stood there frozen. This was not fair. This hurts too much. You can't stand to be here any longer with the love you can never have. Your ears ring from your rage.

"What was that Simon"

"A-a-a new year's kiss."

"Yes, but i- you can't do that, it's not- DONT do this to me simon"

"Im sorry, I didn't mean anything i- i thought- I'm so dumb- i should have asked-"

So it doesn't mean anything to him?

"Yes, you should have. Do you have any idea what youve just- Nevermind. I'm, I'm going home" rush you snatch your things off his table and the floor

"Hey, where are you going? Do your ur parents expect you home?"

"No, I. I just can't do this anymore"

"What?"

"I'm too, I'm just too confused by you okay?"

"What what do you mean? Confused how? You cant mean you- you have- "

"What simon?" You wish By some miracle he says your confession.

"...do you have feelings for me?" There it is.

"...but you were so clear that you would never get feelings for me! You said! Well, no, you never said anything" His face full of shock

You can't respond, your breath just comes out in hard puffs.

"You never told me! I thought, well. You IGNORE me at school- " he laughs in disbelief, and ruffles his own hair.

"What? Its you that ignore me simon! Youre the one repulsed by me!

"What!? I'm not repulsed by you! Youre the one who made sure that what we have was so secret! You barely talk to me at school"

"I was not! You did that! You had your older smart friends, and Yale acceptances, and your stupid expensive sneakers! And you all looked at me, like I'm stupid, im the school idiot–" You don't understand why your the only one so mad and about to breakdown, while Simon just looked like he figured out the correct formula to something.

"Hey, You are not an idiot–"

"i AM. im STUPID, the dumbest girl you'll ever get to know. Im the one who has gotten myself, into this situation. And someone like me could never get to your level, into your circle. I can NEVER be a guest speaker for science, or get a Scholarship, i will never be an expert at anything like the girls you like so much!" You don't realize it hurt this much till you said it all.

"What do you have to do with them? I-i mean-"

"You think i dont know that? That i have nothing to do with them? And i'm here just holding my breath, knowing that youre about to pick another girl to fall madly in love with, KNOWING that im not on the fucking list of choices. but simon you dont even have the guts to ask one of them out!"

You silence Simon, and you think you've really hurt him this time. But he just looks disappointed and confused by the whole argument and sighs, he begins to speak so gently. "You- what are you- that's not true, i know my weakness, okay? I haven't gotten the courage yet to tell the girl I like that I want to be with her. Im- that's not fair, when you're the one who gives up on all your dates. Its like you date just to waste their time you know?. You don't even know what youre looking for. Your whole shtick is to never do anything with yor life, and to never ever be happy. You're just DETERMINED. Just so bent on wasting time! Like you waste MY time!"

"Ohh, I- " he's angry, really angry. You didn't anticipate how deep you cut him. How deep he would cut you. Tears begin to blur your vision.

"Oh, i- im sorry." He hides behind his palms now, and shaking them in front of him. "I just can't believe this right now, i- i just have a few days left to work on the battery…I knew doing this with you can't be good for me" He fists his hair and mumbles the hurtful words. He's moving quickly cleaning up around his apartment

You are not good for him. Of course, you knew this. You've always known that. But it hurt to confirm it.

"Yeah-" you hold your breath "I know" you voice breaks on the last word. "I know I'm not, in sorry."

"Hey, no, that's not what i-"

"I think, we should stop this thing that we're doing. Goodbye Simon." There was no time to look back, you ran out of his apartment.

—---

You stop coming over. You want him to finish his work in peace, soon he'll be in Yale, then get a fancy job somewhere far away, and you'll still be here in this town.

You cry every night, you're sure one day you'll run out of the pain. But now it's every night you just miss holding him.

—--

2 months later

You're phone doesn't even ring. There's just a voice message there from a strange number. On the rare occasion you have credit to hear your voice messages, this was one of them. You put the phone to your ear and hear the voice you've been missing. Two days after your fight, Simon disappeared without a trace. Worried sick you report him missing, but the police cleared the report saying Simon is safe but doesn't want to be found. It was just more secretive stuff you know are a part of Simon's world. It made you feel like Simon was some secret agent, it brought a little smile on your face.

But now after 2 months and nothing, you lost hope that he thought of you at all.

"You have one, new message"

"Hello? This is Simon. Are you there? Please tell me you're getting this message. God..They look my phone away, so I couldn't get to you. Its - its just the CIA. Don't worry im, I'm safe. I mean, maybe youre not actually even worried about me. Well, but. Um. But then I built a phone? Um for me to say something..important. I need to say this."

"I think get it, ive been thinking about it, that maybe you thought I never cared about you, because im an IDIOT. Just, whatever you think...and I cant even believe you might think this…its just not true. You are worth so much, you are the most important person to me, to my life. You keep me going, you calm me, you inspire me. You are NOT and idiot. I just- that i just have an unusually large brain compared to others!"

You could hear him cringing through the phone after saying that, and you let out a short laugh.

"P-Please I don't know if you've just moved on from me, but i-i. I have to let you know. I think- I think, I mean, I KNOW I actually love you. I mean, I do. I love you. Ive felt this way for a long time. And, and, I want to take you on a date, and we can call each other nicknames. And..kiss, and hold hands. I just miss you, so much. Um, so if you maybe feel the same, I hope you um, respond to this message. My encrypted email is ***@mail.co um okay. Email me, please. I love you."

His voice shook through the entire message, like the same way he would ask favors from a stranger. A nervous wreck.

Tears were streaming down your face. His voice was like home.

You dial back the mystery number.

One hour later, the CIA was at your door. You catch Simon's bashful face toeing in behind them. More tears spring to your eyes, but this time there are happy ones.

----------

A/N: you didn't even use the email. Just called the CIA and got into trouble 😃

#paul dano x reader #danonation #paul dano #my fic #simon feck #simon feck x reader #knight and day #fanfic #battery life

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