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#I obviously have a type as you can see
uraharasandals · 2 years
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YO just wanted to ask who ur fave bleach characters are! I like Toushiro the most, but Karin and Momo grew on me after my recent Bleach binge!
HEY I LOVE THIS QUESTION thanks for giving me chance to ramble about my favourite characters *insert maniac laughter*
URAHARA KISUKE
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So as you can see from my URL I obviously love Urahara Kisuke!! He’s such a complex character and I guess I have a thing for Miki Shinichirou because his voice is *chef’s kiss* In the beginning we don’t really think much of him - he’s like the sensei character that almost every anime has that guides the main character (Ichigo). And in the context of an (what seems to be in the beginning) urban fantasy it’s not very jarring to have some random guy appear, and I love how he stands out subtly while also fitting in at the same time. His outfit and entire get up as well - a guy who wears geta with a bucket hat and haori is perfectly normal in Japan, and it actually looks cool on him. He looks like a normal guy and that's what fucks with the audience.
And then you go forward and realise he's a wacky character. He lives with a very hot woman who transforms herself into an equally stunning cat, the definition of a himbo presenting genius, and two kids. Seems like a dysfunctional found family dynamic that would come out of a sitcom, doesn't it? OH BUT WAIT it actually is one!! And these people are actually very fucking powerful!! Why the hell does this man have so much shit lying around?? Is he strong or something?
It's not until the swing back the pendulum arc that we find out he is, in fact, a very strong guy™. I love how little character development Kisuke gets in terms of his personality - most of the central character gets a major revamp; a lot of the Gotei 13 captains either get a reality check on their personalities (Soifon, Byakuya, Hitsugaya etc.) or they decide to go completely fuck it (looking at you, betrayal trio). The ones who don't are 'mentor'-like characters, the ones who are old and mature enough that something like a guy upending the very principles of Soul Society wouldn't affect them very much. Because Kisuke is one of those older characters, he doesn't need a personality change, but also the fact that he hasn't changed much from 100 years ago is very in character for him - or so we thought.
The fact is Kisuke actually very much did get a character change - to be more precise, a change of principles. 100 years ago, his morals are more clearly defined than the present. Sure, he recruits his employees from the Maggot's Nest, but he also tried to defend his innocence against Central 46 and was adamant to do so until Yoruichi broke in and kicked ass. He also struggled with saving Hiyori during that fateful night. This is obviously a part of his personality that points to adhering to the side of caution - which is in line with his entire personality; Kisuke is very much someone who doesn't do anything unnecessary, someone who puts on a friendly mask to exist because giving in to those deeper desires requires compromise. So he doesn't - he doesn't because that's the path that allows everyone to accept him and allows him to slip under the radar. He doesn't want to stand out, you see? And that's what makes him so endearing - everyone is running around playing hero or captain and he just,,,wants to chill in his dysfunctional family and makes stuff. Even though he stops deliberating on the means of how he does things in the present (e.g. Playing dirty in all the battles he's part of, casualties not being his priority in his plans etc.), that sense of wanting to fade into the background is still very much there (I.e. that conversation with Aizen when he's being sealed away).
And that makes him so frustrating to see at times, but also a very multi-faceted character!! Because under ordinary circumstances, anyone would want to stand out, especially when you have such talent and intellect as Urahara Kisuke. Yoruichi even berates him for this - when she nominated him for the 12th Division, he didn't want it and she tells him to shut up. It's interesting how well this aspect of him was written, and I really like the portrayal of his character.
Not to mention his zanpakutou - she intrigues me so fucking much?? There's an analysis of Benihime with Urahara's character that really tackles his personality and it just clicked for me (I'll reblog it someday) but basically there's a sense of masochistic tendency to punish himself and to hide his genius away. And you have to wonder - why does this man do this? What kind of past did he have? Kubo really has to write this because it's literally a crime to leave us hanging like this.
And of course, the fact that he's so fucking queer coded. I can't really elaborate on this because there's no one aspect that signals that to me, but I'm sure queer people understands this - his character is one that doesn't have traditional values of masculinity attached (100 years ago even Shinji, who had long hair, would have a stronger sense of 'traditional' masculinity attached to him, I'd argue) and yet he's still very powerful.
Overall I'd say his intelligence and character design and personality is what makes me love him so much!! And the fact that he treads the thin line between seriousness and humour, being the mentor and the clown/fool. At the end of the day Urahara is the only one who doesn't take himself seriously. And that's very fascinating.
SHIHOUIN YORUICHI
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Slightly less like an essay now, largely because I haven't delved into the manga yet so I don't know the back story and more intensities of other characters, esp Yoruichi.
Anyways first thing and reason is that she's hot. She's insanely hot and I appreciate that we got the ponytail on her rather than a female character who's either a tsundere or has a big chest. Yoruichi is able to make her fully clothed self look even more appealing than when she's half naked, which is an absolute shame that Kubo decided to go with that design afterwards. And the fact that she's able to turn into a cat?? Something that was somehow sidelined after her human form was revealed?? Very very rude.
I also love how she subverts expectations. She's a noble, but she's not prim nor proper, and the one time we see her acting like one is that procession in Soifon's flashback. She's a woman, and yet arguably one of the best fighters in the entire series. Unlike a lot of stereotypical female characters, Yoruichi doesn't just use kicks - she throws hard punches and slaps when she needs to, and uses her entire body. I really love the fluidity of her design that Kubo shows because it makes her so beautiful - and it just combines violence and beauty so well??
Yoruichi also doesn't really give a shit about social conventions either, and that in such a socially stratifying society like Soul Society (too many s's) is so attractive - especially since she's a noble because honestly, what can they do? It's this boldness and rebellion that draws me to her.
And again, her being very queer-coded. I love simping over characters who could very much be queer but aren't written as such - your loss, Kubo, really.
HIRAKO SHINJI
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This toothy grinning bastard has captured my attention for some godforsaken reason and I can't figure out why?? Maybe it's his Kansai accent. Maybe it's the fact that his character design is so unconventional and things that normally shouldn't go together did come together and ends up depositing this man onto my lap. It's a strange feeling but Hirako Shinji is definitely up there.
(but also I love myself some long haired men. Why didn't he grow it out again in the TYWB. Why did he get a fucking cravet instead. Go back to the long hair Shinji)
Other characters I love but don't want to write an essay on (yet): Ishida Uryuu, Yadomaru Lisa, Otoribashi Rose, Kyoraku Shunsui, Coyote Starrk, Shutara Senjumaru, Ayasegawa Yumichika (also Shihouin Chika and Saitou Furoufushi, of course)
Please tell me more about your blurbos!! I'm very intrigued on why you love them
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ruporas · 4 months
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trigunned the hades or hadesed the trigun (id in alt)
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aroanthy · 6 months
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i love how fraught and complicated discourse around various utena characters ‘dying’ is when anthy is literally stabbed to death eternally by a million swords imbued with human hatred. and then utena gets stabbed to death by them also. like. ‘death’ is incredibly interesting in rgu because most of the time it’s this ambiguous figurative thing that has interesting implications re: ohtori as a closed-off world one can escape. we are all trapped in our coffins. mamiya is the only named character with a grave. nemuro memorial hall functions as one all the same. ruka is implied to have died in the hospital— was he dead all along? who was the boy we saw for these two episodes? is this dead boy the same boy, or is this just another coincidence from the shadow girls, cutting like a knife? it’s heavily implied that akio and anthy murder kanae by poisoning her, adding to the previous implication that they were poisoning mr ohtori too, but there are no perceptible consequences of this. kanae’s absence is not felt. she’s fed an apple slice. what happens to the bodies? we know what happened to the 100 boys, but what about everyone else? and so on and so forth. ‘death’ is a tricky thing in utena, i think it’s constantly functioning on figurative and literal levels in very different ways for very different purposes. dios died. dios was dying. dios didn’t die. he grew up. etc etc
#what am i trying to say here?#idk! think about all of the pieces you have#dying is complicated in ohtori in countless different ways#and i find it boring to see so much ‘this character is dead and that’s it’ stuff#when death is used farrrrrrr more figuratively than some ppl give credit for#and i think the movie too does wonderful things with death#and what ‘dying’ really means#being disbelieved. being forgotten. being rejected. haunting despite this#much more interesting to think about wrt commentary on abusive relationships than it is#to think about what?? oh me when my brother died but plot twist he’s alive and can walk on this road all cool. like?????#akio doesn’t have the power to make himself revenant#he THINKS he does and he absolutely has power when he’s alive and he imbues that power with such meaning that it does live on after him#but ANTHY. anthy is the one struggling with herself and her feelings and the impact of trauma and abuse (that power!!) in aou#he’s dead? he died? she brought him back through her memories? or she’s left him (metaphorical death) and he’s haunting her??#all such interesting interpretations#i haven’t mentioned touga bc i don’t have the energy today. if dead and just illusion of others memories then why active. why awful#like in aou akio is only Obviously scummy when he’s alive. his illusory self is based upon anthy’s love for him#if anime!touga is nothing more than nanami/whoever’s memories of him before he died……. why does he actively choose to suck again and again#like nanami wouldn’t do that. unless it was meant to be a subconscious thing like ooo he’s dead all along but that’s not what her arc is#it’s not ‘he’s been dead all along’ literally or figuratively. it’s ‘he’s unsafe and i don’t want him’#sigh. once again i am asking people to think about nanami and touga’s dynamic through touga’s eyes#it’s so interesting to me how people forget to consider his motivations or feelings on ANYTHING#like sure his motivations and feelings are scummy but they’re interesting!!!!! they intrigue me!!!!#compel me even#anyway ignore how i said i didn’t have the energy for this and then typed it all out anyway#dais.txt
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cl4ssyjazzy · 5 months
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I used to always leave a comment on a fic if I saw anything about my interests not being accurately described, but thanks to SVSSS, now whenever I get the urge to correct someone the face of Shen Yuan pops into my head like a ghost of Christmas Past and I avoid being the insufferable "Uuuum.... actually!!" Guy.
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dont-offend-the-bees · 4 months
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Fuck I hate being an adult. I need a more adult adult to help with the volatile emotional situation.
#I've sort of made a new friend? Like we met at the same art group and he's also trans which was like pleasantly surprising in our small town#but like. We have Differences Of Opinion#and it's not totally his fault because it sounds like he's had a Lot of bad shit in his past that's obviously made him wary and closed off#but like. He's slightly older than me (only 4 years) and keeps blaming a load of his problems on other trans folks?#like you know the type. The like 'all these nonbinary/other identities the kids are doing are complicating shit'#the 'it hurts to see people younger than me inc. kids get hormones thrown at them when I still can't get 'em' (which... yeah not even true)#and he's told me himself he doesn't engage much with the queer community bc it's too 'toxic'#and like. I can absolutely understand why he could've had some bad experiences esp. since he has some mental health shit going on#but he wants to be friends bc he doesn't know anyone else going through the medical shit and it's like. Yeah no shit you don't?#you decided the community you'd find them in is toxic? and that people in them are doing being trans wrong?#and I think if he was just some guy online I'd like roll my eyes and ignore him#but he's a real person in my vicinity and I feel fucking bad for him#and I can see how much self loathing he has and how much that probably informs the bullshit#like he told me he thinks that trans men and cis men are fundamentally different categories and trans men will never be cis men#but not in a 'the experiences are just different and come with different perspectives way'#in like a self defeating way. Like a I just have to settle for being a trans man way.#and it made me SO SAD#like bro#I'm so sorry for whoever the fuck made you feel like you're fighting an unwinnable battle#and I want to be a friend to him. I want him to feel like there's other queer people out there and there's friends and hope#but also I genuinely could see him being the kind of person who would get really angry at you for no fault of your own#like I already get the distinct feeling he resents me a little#like obviously not too much since he still wants to hang#but he's been trying and failing to get HRT for years and I got it super quickly basically by sheer luck/a doctor who looks out for me#like I'm so fucking lucky. And I just genuinely feel like he's the kind of person who might take that personally.#I just do not think I have the fucking. Emotional tool kit to salvage this shit#But I also can't exactly text him and say sorry I don't think we should hang out so. What do.#.....I wasn't even LOOKING for a new friend! I have enough friends!!! I wanted to make clay faces and look at pretty buildings dammit!!!#now I have to be the emotionally mature one who goes hmmm maybe let's not blame other depressed trans kids for our problems buddy#I'm just gonna have to be like. Upfront about my stance and if he doesn't like it well he doesn't have to hang out with me
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ghost!toji x reader ….. hmmmm hm hm hm
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marcmorrigan · 1 year
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Released to [REDACTED]. SPK 02-04-10 6:45 PM
also released:
3 - One (1) sealed bag s/c cigarettes & lighter which were found in right exterior vest pocket of unnamed male accomplice.
4 - One (1) sealed bag s/c polaroid photo which was found in left interior vest pocket of unnamed male accomplice.
Note: victim posthumously identified as one Mail Jeevas, DOB 02/01/1990 (aged 19yrs at time of death). Request that Gevanni update documentation accordingly. - N
always thinking about the polaroids matt and mello didnt get to take + the amount of clean up and paperwork near and the SPK probably had to do after they seized all the kira case files from 'L'... also like. do you think near had to identify matts body. who else was there that couldve done it. anyway whatever teehee <3
+ 'clean'(er) version without all the scratches and stuff:
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flugame-mp3 · 5 months
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what do you fucking mean that's how charlie dies. THAT'S HOW CHARLIE DIES??? i mean i know the show has a penchant for killing off every character who's not a winchester brother or an angel of thursday but good god. what the fuck. charlie was such a good and enjoyable recurring character, and she had such a fandom impact that i've seen, and she's only around for THREE SEASONS?? (sidebar: it's amazing she has the presence she does for only being around for a couple episodes in the long run!) but: was this necessary? and she just dies offscreen after her skills are utilized to progress the plot of decoding the book of the damned?? oh my god. what in the actual fuck. i'm finding myself getting genuinely very upset at her death. she did not fucking deserve that. and i can absolutely see why the fan response to her death is what it is now. completely fucking unjustified and throwaway and useless.
#theo.txt#spn#charlie#spn spoilers#spn 10x21#almost none of the women who've gotten fridged on this show have deserved it but still#good god this one made me especially angry#why do you use this character for a plot point and then ship her off somewhere. to oz or to the afterlife. so often?#she was such a cool character with a good story that i enjoyed and related to and THIS is what they did with her?? and from my perusing she#doesn't even really come back like bobby occasionally does?? and his death. while devastating to me as somebody who really liked him. still#felt WAY better than this#sorry i ended that episode with my jaw on the fucking FLOOR oh my god. /neg#what did she have to die for? where is that post about female characters dying so male characters can feel sad but it's a gifset of all the#bullshit ass deaths of women on supernatural#i love the show fucking obviously but jesus h christ.#but also you know what. having the context that i have. still a fucked up thing to say but i see why dean says That to sam now during#charlie's funeral. it IS an interesting look into how they respond to the other one violating their wishes/freedoms and into their larger#dynamic actually! but thats not what this post is really about#wow. i am actually livid. poor fucking charlie.#if she was like a sister to the winchesters how about you bring her back huh? how about you revive her? jesus christ#i wonder what her heaven is like. i hope its dnd and movie night with the girls#i took a little break mid-typing this to see if i was just being insane and angry but no the super wiki has a whole section about the fan#outrage at charlie's death and the discussions it furthered about the show's misogynistic tendencies#and you know what? good!#ok anyway. im going to go browse charlie art and feel abnormal now.#supernatural#charlie bradbury
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sysig · 15 days
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Party (group) party (celebratory)! (Patreon)
#Doodles#Pokemon#Gyrados#Ninetales#Sableye#Ampharos#Banette#Politoed#Pikachu#The lot! Mostly my SoulSilver guys but a kind of general mishmash of nostalgia and aiming-fors#Even tho I played Yellow when I was quite a bit younger I never beat it or got particularly attached to my 'mon and ended up selling it#Mistake I know blame the folly of youth lol#So I really consider Soul Silver as my ''first'' game - though I beat X before SS pfft just can't make it simple eh!#But I got veryyy attached to my SSteam <3 It's fun to watch them grow in the photo album! Can see most of them as babies :D#I ended up with a Vulpix named Beauty since Ninetales is my favourite Pokemon <3 I knew she'd grow into a beauty! Thusly named#And a Magikarp that I thought would be ironically funny to name Beast because well - y'know lol#Did not even occur to me Once that they'd be Beauty and Beast haha - the reasoning is so strongly connected it just didn't register!#They're a fun duo :) Fire and Water Fish and Fox hehe <3 Cute lads!#Group of four was speculations about building a really ideal team for me - Mareep Line Obviously and Ninetales goes without saying#Sableye is another really obvious one lol I love Sableye so muuuuchhhh aghhh <3 <3#Banette wouldn't exactly fill in many gaps but I've always leaned more towards Ghost and Psychic types#The Politoed doodles were just for funsies tho lol I really can't decide on a Water type I like that I haven't already exhausted!#They're silly little frog guys which I do enjoy haha#Probably not my personal pick but I like them :)#The aforementioned Yellow playthrough had me with a Pikachu I named Sparks which I then wrote fanfic about haha#Baby's first fanfic and fanart were both Pokemon! I have no idea where it'd be now as it was in a notebook but I remember the gist at least#Thought it'd be nice to bring him back to visit <3#And then some silly ones for myself lol what's a good trainer pose!#I think they're all silly lol but I do like the middle one :D#I'd love a Pokeball shirt like that! All the Pokemon things pls and thank you!
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staraxiaa · 2 months
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lena. tell me ur kiribaku-in-a-different-font, violent-mc-who’s-a-hero-or-a-drummer fic idea. now. ♥️
ur actually the best. thanks for validating my need for yapping LMAOO ill drip market it in tags,,,
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Lineup of all of the characters that appear long enough to need a visual representation of them in the game lol
#I added a few people that you can randomly run into around town (like at the inn or in the forest or etc) and have very short conversations#with just to kind of flesh out the world a little more in a more natural-ish seeming way. Like nobody in the main cast would really#have much reason to talk about the actual city you're in or anything. Since most of them havent lived there that long anyway.#But if there's a ''city inspector'' that you can run into whilst he's writing up notes examining the local inn. then maybe there could be a#few dialogue options with him where you can ask about things like that. since he would know more about the area as an offical Government#Worker or etc. Optional of course. since I have to be so wary of my natural inclination to lore dump lol and am trying extra hard to make i#all stuff thats easily avoided/skipped. But for the people like ME who deliberately choose to exhaust every possible optional dialogue#option and explore every single inch of the world and try to collect as much information as possible - then there are a few extra places to#do that. Though obviously not all of them just give exposition for like 15 paragraphs blandly. Some you don't really learn anything from#and it's kind of just.. random flavor to make the non-shop map locations more ''lived in'' feeling. Like the random#little girl you can talk to in the park doesn't bizarrely start reading out the wikipedia description of some War that happened 10 years ag#or whatever. she's just complains about school a little and asks if you've tried the nearby ice cream cart treats and etc lol#ANYWAY..#some of the art is so so evil but I'm not going to spend 800 years trying to clean it up and update it. whatever the hell mess I sketched#out in 2018 or whatever is just what I'm keeping lol... it is what it is#One of the many trials of the whole 'briefly work a few months on something and then abandon it almost entirely only to pick up work#on it literally like 4 - 5 yrs later and now you must contend with trying to decipher whatever weird shit you did years ago' experience lol#Also given the population breakdowns of the world in general I think there's an unrealistic amount of jhevona in this lineup since#they're a much rarer species to just see out and about anywhere but.. it IS a global trading center type area. and the game#takes place in the north (the country of Asen. near the coast. for the maybe 2 or less people who actually keep up with my worldbuilding#enough to know where that is lol (the same continent as Navyete (where the avirre'thel live)) and there's a decent concentration#of nothern jhevona only a short ways away so... tee hee..I shall pretend it makes sense and not merely me just wanting#to represent more of that species because I think their lore is interesting lol#I MEAN also realistically there would NOT be a human here because humans are extremely isolated species that don't even know the rest#of the world exists really and human territories are extremely protected from the outside world but... of course it's like.. well we need#at least One of them to be there for the Optional Lore. Same with the Ythrili. But at least those are like.. PLAUSIBLE.. not nonsensically#outlandish. If I had a Verrucalt or something in there THEN that would be truly lore-breaking almost lol#ANYWAY.. rambling that only means anything to me because nobody else knows what I'm even referencing but hbjh#also I think my character designs are so funny in the sense that I really do just love to do the same thing over and over again ghbjh#wow... random asymmetry and belts and arm straps and high collars where the neck is completely covered?? you dont say..how novel
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screambirdscreaming · 5 months
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At the bus stop one time there was a gaggle of preschoolers waiting to catch the bus for a field trip day, and someone walked past with a couple of friendly little dogs, to great general delight.
But after a little bit, the dogs were getting overwhelmed, and the preschoolers were gently coaxed to back off so the person with the dogs could continue on. Specifically, one of the preschool teachers said, "Sometimes, when you're small, being surrounded by big people can be a bit scary and overwhelming. Even if they are friendly."
This was recieved as great wisdom: after all, the preschoolers were also small, and understood how scary and overwhelming big people could be! And the dogs were indeed even smaller than the preschoolers, so it made sense.
What was funny and charming was that, upon absorbing and reflecting on this wisdom, they all felt the need to tell it to one another. In tones of great insight, they turned to one another and said, "Did you know? Sometimes when you are small, being surrounded by big people can be scary and overwhelming! Even if they are friendly!" Back and forth, without any particular concern that they were all saying the same thing. Have reached comprehension of an insight, it must be shared!
I must say that this behavior is less charming in tumblr users than in preschoolers. Not least because tumblr users, having gained a little analytical skill to misuse, insist on Summarizing and Generalizing and Unifying the insights they repeat, quickly turning any interesting new information into formulaic dogmatic mush.
#i made the mistake of looking in the notes of the beach sand post i reblogged to see if anyone else had interesting comments#And the rate at which it went from like#1) person states with moderate confidence an opinion based on their personal observations#2) multiple people reply with “wow thats so insightful!” (aka it aligns with my preconceived notions of how things work)#3) someone else adds additional personal observations which are not really relevant but which can be absorbed into the narrative#4) people start outright stating the underlying belief on which this bias is constructed as if it were a fresh insight#5) general derisive attitude towards people who haven't seen the Obviously Correct solution to this complex real world problem yet#It's very.......#It's not like it's a high stakes post but it's such a microcosm of the whole dogmatic phenomenon#Also this js a more specific gripe to My Field or w/e#But the degree to which people react to the problems caused by the whole “Control of Nature” era of engineering#with this equally reductive “Nature will Fix Everything” type of attitude#Is sooooo frustrating.#Yes a great many of our current problems could have been avoided if we had not made massive changes to ecosystem processes on the assumptio#That they were simple and we understood them. And that they would respond in predictable ways.#the simplicity in retrospect of “wow we Should Not have done that” does not mean that they are simple to undo!#You can't go back in time. You can't turn back the clock on chaotic processes#Which is. Almost every process ever.#Restoration is hard! Returning to previous regimes of sediment or flooding or fire is tricky and full of foibles!#Moving towards a future which doesn't suck as much even if the past cant be recreated is also uncertain and difficult!#It's frustrating to see people act all high and mighty about how they Respect Nature unlike whoever is making all these decisions#When their understanding of the natural processes in question is AS simplistic as the people who caused the whole mess back in 1910 or w/e#Like I'm not saying there's not bad interests standing in the way of functional restoration on all levels#That's very much a fight to be fought.#But looking at that fight-in-process and saying “wow none of you Respect Nature like me uwu let nature fix it”#Is.#Ugh.
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jellyfish-grave · 3 months
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Mutual what is outer wilds should I get into it so we have another common interest 🤔
Hi there, beloved mutual! 🎀 Glad you asked ::)
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Image credit: @/dustyoo10
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obsessed with their different reactions to being called starcrossed lovers
#im gonna pretend mattie didnt die and visits them sometimes back in toronto#it's such a cute dynamic they have#the two evil (affectionate) sisters who just loving teasing laura#also one of my favourite things abt this show is the choreographing they do for the static camera#i bet it's so annoying to have to think about but i love watching them all move so coordinatedly through the frame#somehow still making it look natural#also i know laura is the storyteller one and i dont really know enough abt romanticism to make any definitive claims abt carmilla#but having scrolled her blog a bit to figure out her tastes in music and art#i wonder if theres a part of carmilla that kind of enjoys being starcrossed. or doomed in a sense#or maybe she that she wouldnt have CHOSEN this story necessarily but that she has resigned herself to it#on account of her vampire nature#and sees a certain beauty in it#that all her romances are doomed#idk. im still figuring her out#also im reinterpreting that exchange mattie and carmilla have in this scene#carmilla calls mattie a utilitarian which is probably right#mattie then callls her a nihilist and carmilla corrects that to existentialist#and mattie says absurdist at best#but those arent designations like back and forth as i had read it before#it's just carmillas philosophy theyre arguing about. i THINK. or maybe it's both of them#putting a pin in that until ive read more books#also kind of obsessed with how laura and danny and maybe the other humans are so quick to ascribe a morality to the vampires#based just on the 'shes a vampire!!' while obviously by necessity the vampires have spent wayyyyyyyyyy more time thinking abt their ethics#or maybe not by necessity for all of them but to mattie and carmilla it definitely seems like a necessity. or inevitability#they mustve spent countless hours over the centuries talking abt this if they can joke abt it in this way now#and in different states too like i can imagine distraught Im A Monster type conversations but also just sort of academic debates and also#carmilla reading some new book that has come out and mattie being like what newfangled thing are you into now#i guess utilitarianism was also newfangled at some point. theyre both older. but you know#carmilla is a poet. dont know if she writes poetry but she looks at things in a poet's way i think#also dont think shes entirely a romantic but i do think some of her tastes lean more toward the romantic
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inkykeiji · 5 months
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>.<
#tw clari overshares#i really need to start making new friends on here and being more active#but the issue is just the mere *thought* of that fucking terrifies me#just typing out that single sentence has my heart pounding and my hands shaking and my stomach churning#i really wish i was kidding or over-exaggerating#i want so badly to make new friends and be active in a little community on here again#but i’m so so so scared#(of what?????????? of what!!!!!!!!!!!)#bring me back to 2020 clari who talked to people despite the anxiety and was so damn active and was having an absolute blast!!!#what happened to her!!!!!#she got really sick i guess#it’s crazy like sometimes i just scroll through my archive and i can SEE it#i can see myself getting sicker and sicker and withdrawing more and more#feeding into the fear and letting it win#and now i’m here#in this hole that i’m going to have to claw myself out of IN SPITE OF the terror i feel#i miss being a part of this community so much#i miss being able to post little drabbles willy nilly and not having breakdowns over them not being perfect#NOT obsessing over my own work and flaws it may have#i miss having fun#YES my writing is extremely important to me and YES i want to one day write for a living in some capacity#but since when did that mean i had to cut everyone off??? seclude myself in a protective little bubble???#the only person who can fix this is me#(obviously hahaha)#it’s about time i put on my big girl pant(ie)s and faced that fear head on#i’m so sick of it dominating and controlling so much of my life#why did i let it take something so fucking important to me???#i have to end it!!!#if u got this far in the tags: thank you and i’m sorry for venting#i just feel like i NEED to say this
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