#I really do not like seeing animals hurt
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Me: you know what sounds like a nice way to unwind before bed? Playing the cat-befriending-robots game, it's so sweet and relaxing. Yeah, there are sometimes swarms of scary bugs that try to eat me but so far there haven't been too many of them, I can deal with it
Stray: SEWER CHAPTER COMMENCE
Me, an hour later: how the fuck did this poor kitty wind up in a Dead Space level
#stray game#stray game critical#my post#I already wasn't fond of the zurks and the mandatory zurk chases#I really do not like seeing animals hurt#(yes I have the 'show cat death' setting turned off- that doesn't stop me from knowing that the cat died)#but I was willing to accept the zurks because having to run away from dangerous predators is a pretty common cat experience#Ever since I got the make-the-predators-ass-SPLODE ray gun though#it feels like the game switched genres on me#the change is so jarring I have to wonder if it wasn't an executive mandate or something#'the game has enemies therefore there must be a way for players to defeat those enemies'#the rest of the game is so committed to having the cat interact with the world in realistic cat-like ways#popping mutant bugs like balloons with a ray gun clashes HARD with that#I sincerely hope things return to normal-ish once I'm out of the sewers#otherwise I might not be able to finish this#what I wouldn't give for a mod or setting that makes me immortal#or better yet lets me skip the sewers altogether
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can i just say. and this is probably a niche hill to die on. that i am so gobsmacked every time someone vaguely hints at the idea that jotaro doesn't care meaningfully for the other crusaders, usually particularly kakyoin and joseph, when those two actually tend to be the ones he reacts to being hurt the hardest
like he cares for his loved ones!!!! that literally plays into his character motives in every single part he shows up in!!! stop lying to me!!!!!!!
#kiki.txt#jjba#i'm going to ramble in tags actually. excuse me#ok. rereading sdc and so confused at the general perception of jotaro and his friends/family. he's not NEARLY as flat or as dickish#i understand that the anime (particularly the dub) tends to slander him but even then he still clearly cares for them! i'm confused#i also understand that a lot of people dig against jotaro and kakyoin as a dynamic because 'they're popular' and that generally disliking#popular things across media is a thing that i've seen consistently everywhere but the discredit to them simply as a DUO and not even as a#pairing is so..... odd..... like they're considered to be a duo that clicks for a reason. i enjoyed them even before i got into the fandom#every time i see someone say jotaro is overrated/dull i take a shot and assume they're an anime-only or only read the manga like once btw#joseph and jotaro also have a neat dynamic and they obviously both love and care for each other. like they're not going to go around loudly#or anything but literally the entirety of the lovers and the prelude to the dio fight IS jotaro being worked up over joseph getting hurt#equally i don't know if it translates to the anime as much but joseph is VERY complimentary when it comes to jotaro. like he sings his#praises so often and reminds everyone that he's his grandson so frequently (d'arby the gamer is a good example of this). either way it's so#peculiar....... there's not enough avdol and jotaro content btw (also in canon) because jotaro obviously looks up to him and avdol jokes#around with him on the occasion they interact after their intro which doesn't start very well. it's very cute#i do think an important thing to note about jotaro's character is how he acts AFTER his intro because he's so drastically different. early#jotaro and later jotaro aren't the same character and i do not mean this in a character development way. excluding the jail incident he's#completely different and probably shouldn't really be taken into account (especially considering the amount of slapstick in araki's intros)#and i think that's really???? what people center on for his character? Which sucks balls bad!#anyways. i could ramble more about this if asked i have so much to say but sigh. jotaro cares so much for his friends and family he's not a#flat fully cold asshole character regardless of whether you watch the anime or ova or read the manga. you just have poor media literacy#i wouldn't recommend watching solely the anime for his character though. the dub also changes a lot so it's... questionable#i love the anime and it's still important for him though. also adds neat stuff. i need to stop myself. i have many thoughts on the matter#jotaro kujo#joseph joestar#noriaki kakyoin#adding in case anyone sees: i am not saying that he is perfect about this. in fact he is very ass about it with jolyne and holly and that's#very important. he also is in fact an asshole sometimes. NOT as much as you guys are making him though!#please don't get me started on how much of a dick etc people make kakyoin to veer away from the 'woobified' characterizations of him#in fact i think that's bad if not worse because it CLAIMS to be in character. hes a prim asshole at times but not that angry or dishevelled
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I can't stop today
#i didnt wanna animate it sorry#do you guys know this meme? i remember seeing it all the time a few years ago#i really like it...#art#my art#comic#sure#invader zim#nickelodeon#zim iz#dib membrane#almighty tallest red#almighty tallest purple#zadr#zim and dib romance#kinda#also technically there's rapr too#YEA! i think thats all its 3am and my back hurts#i need to do something else
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Unfinished comic that I’ve bee sitting on for literally over two years. Anyways when you and the bestie have a complex situationship that very quickly spirals into something so agonizingly one sided (unless….? 😳)
#genzen#zengen#genya shinazugawa#zenitsu agatsuma#demon slayer#kimetsu no yaiba#dude my girlfriend and I literally went fucking insane over yesterdays episode#we genuinely have been frothing at the mouth airing for this episode to be animated for literally like five years#genzen nation this is what we’ve been waiting for.#rise up.#*crickets*#I’ve been seeing a few people on twitter talking abt them in nthis episode hopefully genze finally gets it’s just desserts#I pray to god we get more people into this ship I need it I need it in my blood I need it I my veins#my girlfriend and I were sitting there beating each other to death the entire episode they showed up on screen next to each other#we felt nothing but genuine pure unbridled insanity#anyways a bit of lore for some of our au we’ve been cookin#genya and zenitsu both mutually have a crush on tanjirou but they both know he’s way too out of their league#so they end up forming a bit of a semi codependent bond on one another for comfort and helping each other through various other aspects#of extreme mental illness 💀#they both also end up developing feelings for one another but genya is too stubborn to admit that he could ever like zenitsu#zenitsu is more open to the idea of being romantically attracted to genya#he oftentimes tries to do things under the guise of their preestablished situationship#but it’s really him pretending that he and genya are doing things together like a genuine couple#and he ends up getting his feelings hurt every time bc genya ultimately rejects the idea of it being anything beyond platonic
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Thinking about how Dawn was very clearly established as a member of the Pokémon Journeys Quartet and yet she was never in any of the character returns after her own and never showed up after the Leon fight.
Like- we could’ve gotten Dawn reuniting with Iris or meeting the Alola Class for the first time. It’s such a missed opportunity I’m ngl.
I KNOW QAQ she got lucky to at least talk to Cynthia
Can you imagine if they had used her cameos to instead of showcasing legendaries, to showcase past companions???? Like, it could even make easier for Goh and Chloe to fit in and all that yknow?
Like, we get Gary in sinnoh doing some research for project mew (take the alolan ninetails thing and give to him) and she is there, and it makes easier for Goh to see him as a rival but also as a cool dude cause hey, if Dawn really likes Gary, he cant be that bad right?
We get her and Serena getting ready to meet May for a contest or something and then DAWN brings Chloe into it cause it makes more sense that way. And I get Dawn doing /something/ but also we stabilish that Serena takes inspo from her appeals and thats how they met (cause Serena did a thing that looked like ice chandelier and thats canon in my heart)
Have her appear before Iris left or keep Iris in the tournament watching Ash (why did she leave anyway?) so they could both cheer for him like the biggest supporters they are.
Scrap any of the useless Mezamas episodes and replace it with Dawn getting Ambipom and have the 2 most epic pokeani encounters of all time (Dawn and Ambipom, Dawn and Misty).
There was so many chances for her to just add so much in general. And we were robbed and Im still sad
#and then to rub salt into injury i will always remember that this version of dawn is pretty much dead now#the games REALLY dont like adopting animedawn as canon even despite doing it for misty and brock and often serena#but like this version of her? this version with so much personality and dreams and that i wish i could see achieving those dreams?#pretty much gone with the anime finished#so yeah. it hurts#answered asks
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while aaravi remains firmly within "yeah miranda has a difficult personality and isn't very easy to get along with + has many rough edges which are slowly being worked on but still going to be an issue" after having been very much so within the camp that miranda is a Vexing Bitch upon first contact/getting to know her, she DOES go from "miranda is unpredictable and dangerous as a merfolk and large macropredator and her emotions are inscrutable and random" to "merfolk aren't very hard to understand or predict and it's very easy to stay on the safe side if you keep basic rules in mind and don't freak out the second something unexpected happens"
#all the care guide says is 'biomass'#miravi.txt#just. thinking about it!#thinking about specifically how merfolk (like most other animals) growl/hiss specifically as a deterrent#like if you start really upsetting miri and she wants space and you to Please Stop#she will probably turn her face away from the other person or turn her body away from them#while growling or hissing and pulling her fins back#and will open her mouth to bare her teeth or gape her mouth open to show her teeth (including heavily panting)#where the point is ''i will hurt you if you touch me/get closer/dont stop so please dont do that''#but a lot of people read it as her being either obtuse (if she turns away from them)#or outright aggressive for the showing of teeth and growling#when shes really not. shes being very polite in merfolk terms in giving multiple chances to avoid violence#shes going ''i am worried i might have to hurt you so please reconsider'' in a way thats very readable if youre another merfolk#who will then step away or give her her space and switch the tone of the conversation#to see whats wrong#whereas her being more deliberately aggressive/violent usually comes with minimal vocal cues at all#or (if shes specifically threatening someone such as in the case of getting aggressive over perceived threats to her social bonds)#she will often turn towards them and open her mouth and flare her fins#often deliberately closing the distance and making herself appear Extra Large#she WILL growl here but will never hiss (hissing being a more defensive sound)#and will often smack her tail against the ground or show her claws or otherwise demonstrate how large and how scary she is#as a deliberate point of ''you crossed a line and this is what is going to happen to you if you dont make it up right now''#which! both require VERY different responses but might look similar to a human!#and might end up coming off as unpredictable or random in her actions and cruelty!#when shes not! shes just doing things the way a merfolk does them#which means aaravi realizes VERY quickly after learning about all of this#just how many cues miranda gives that people are starting to make her uncomfortable and feel Not Okay#that are ignored or written off because theyre merfolk cues#merfolk are very tolerant of stress but have basically no concept of escalation of violence for that reason#because if youve ignored every chance to prevent something dangerous up until the point it goes too far
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it’s 3am and i’ve spent the past few hours drawing a bunch of doodles of me and anton hanging out together like we’re the bestest of friends because it’s my art and i can draw whatever i want forever
#i’ll post the drawings this weekend probably#anton oc#wyrms says stuff#it’s 3am and i am not tired but i also have to get up early so#hey at least i don’t have any classes on fridays so that’s good#wow anton is so cool#wow#wow i love him so much more than anything really#platonically obviously we’re both very aroace#and i know if he was real we’d be best friends we’d do everything together#we’d go see that absolutely horrendous looking minecraft movie on opening night together#he’d talk to me about rats and science and snakes and i’d talk about undertale and tma and gravity falls#we’d have so much fun i’d teach him how to play video games and he would love it so much#and he’d show me all of his weird and wacky science experiments and he’d be so silly about it#and we’d go on walks in his forest and he’d show me all the animals#and we’d comfort eachother when we’re sad and it would be so cozy and safe#we would have eachother and understand eachother that’s all we will ever need#wow he’s just so real to me guys#like he feels so real#and i’m so genuinely sad that he’s not#he deserves to exist he deserves to be happy#the fact he doesn’t exist feels like i lost someone extremely close to me and will never get them back#it’s like i’m grieving the loss of someone who never existed and it hurts#he deserves to exist :(#ouughhh#this is devastating#it hurts#i should go to sleep#:(
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My crowfriends came so close today <3 I love watching their trust in me develop
#I think what makes crows really interesting is that they're not domesticated. Domesticated animals are evolved to be able to truste you#and wild aninmals usually are a lot more wary#but crows got all the traits of a species that lived AMONG humans for centuries and sees humans produce some of their main food sources#and this paired with their brains results in an uncanny ability to conceptualise humans as individuals#obviously you're still huge and loud and scary and make too sudden movements to them sometimes#but just like they recognise faces they're also quick to learn 'oh this SCaRy tHiNG that HUMAN does didn't hurt me' and then they come back#and compared to other species they pick up on this stuff really quickly#and that's how you get a wild bird flying about town to suddenly go 'hey I'll check up on what That Human is doing n peek into their window
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i felt like drawing Maru but I really don't have the energy to even color this sketch.
#that anon made me think Huh he sure is much less on my mind#Then I remembered one of my fave anime- Erased#I feel like “what if i disappeared from this world and how would it change my loved one's lives” has been done enough times already#but i have nothing to do with his canon story now. So I thought. What if he Really disappeared?#I never caught up with Madoka stuff but I remember something with this theme too and that girl chasing her to stop her from doing that#so i was like hmmmmm Cherry?#Like imagine chasing a dead person's shadow your whole life and when you almost grasp it#it disappears. wouldnt that be fucked up#I like happy endings but also can u imagine#Maru seeing his family live without him never existing. His mom is alive. His grandparents accept her.#Olivia never gets hurt or leaves the town thanks to Hana#Alex's life doesn't change at all.#Wouldn't that be heartbreaking. Hehe. No I wont do it but i want to put my thoughts somewhere#sorry friends I am chronically tired and i have given up on everything! goodnight#maybe. idk#doodles#maka#maru#oc
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I think it's really important that soon after the reveal that Toshiro hated Laios the entire time they were adventuring together and just never said so, Kabru makes clear, in a way that Laois understands, that he intends to meet Laios again. He's crafting his words very carefully (in the English "I'm glad that we met. I got so much out of talking to you.") but by god he means them and he's not just being polite.
Laios has just learned someone he thought was a dear friend couldn't stand him, which is painful to watch and has resonated with lots of neurodivergent viewers, but that realization is followed with proof that there are and will be people that care about Laios as he is: here's another character, one who's great with people, making the effort to know Laios and establishing that he wants to continue knowing Laios.
#dungeon meshi#dungeon meshi spoilers#i've tried to remain anime only for this analysis#but i do think it hits a lot harder if you've read the manga#idk i just see a lot of people talking about how much the shuro scene hurts#and it really. really does#it's scary to imagine yourself in Laios position#and sad to know that you have been#but i feel like it's just. important that that scene is not in a vacuum#there might be people who don't communicate with you#or don't communicate in a way that you understand#but there will also be people that love you in spite of and more importantly for how you are#and there will always be people that see you as you are and want to spend more time with you#anyway if your first kabru thought is 'but he wanted to kill laios' did he.#or was that the part of his brain trying to navigate a social encounter when his conversation partner went wildly off script#kabru is trying to minmax conversation and laios is not cooperating and that's short circuiting kabru's brain#anyway i also have toshiro thoughts and that's that he's not being cruel or a bad person#and it's honestly a testament to both laios and toshiro's character that they have this conversation#and then still work together afterwards in some capacity--arguably better so now that they've been able to have this conversation
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i think some of you are too used to genre conventions, you guys forgot to question the worldbuilding that many authors painstakingly made to question the subject of death and life in a more nuanced manner than just "wow resurrection is so romantic!"
#like yeah i do love romanticizing horror tropes at times#but there's a reason why it is a horror trope and not a common romance plot#necromancy... especially mixing an individual's soul with that of another species is something that can be disturbing#doesn't matter if the one who's doing the resurrecting or the one get resurrected is in love#think about how falin feels knowing that even though marcille and laios loved her they ended up taking a decision#that not only hurts her physically but also emotionally#being stripped of control from your own body... not being able to do anything but follow your master's command...#falin did not asked to be the chimera#but that's what makes her decision to take the red dragon with her before she wakes up so cathartic in some ways#she also acknowledged that the red dragon did not ask for this to happen... just like how she forgives the lil guy she also#forgives her brother and marcille for taking this very... bad decision because she understands they're just as desperate#as she is when she tried to save them before she died#it circles back to the theme of accepting death and how resurrection magic ended up making people too comfortable#with the act of mindless killing of other living creatures#but yeah sadly people only see the surface level stuff but don't actively tried to understand the significance behind the plot#i can't really blame anime-only but people who read the manga tho...#if you only understand it as a romance trope and be like 'oh everyone else is just stupid' maybe you need to reread the manga#at least once a month#to understand ryoko kui's writing better#tmi tag
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EMPATHY GLAMORIZATION IS NOT ABOUT EMPATHY BUT SUPERIORITY TORWARDS APATHETIC PEOPLE BIGOTRY TORWARDS THEM TYPICAL BIGOT EVIL. SIMPLE AS THAT. IF YOU SEE THEM AS LEFTIST YOU'RE NO LEFTIST YOURSELF. HORRIBLE. THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO HAVE ONLY EMPATHY AND BAD TO THINK EVERYTHING YOU DO IS SUCH ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY'RE CLEARLY BEING APATHETIC IF ANYTHING WHEN THEY DO THIS...
COMES TO SHOW BIGOTRY TORWARDS CRAZY AND DISABLED PEOPLE ASWELL AS PARAPHILIA PEOPLE ISN'T TAKEN AT ALL THE SAME AS SEXISM RACISM AND QUEERPHOBIA... OR PERHAPS... LIKELY... THEY ARE ALL THE BIGOTED THINGS EVIL AND TAKE NONE THAT SERIOUSLY... BELITTLING DOWN THEIR PAIN AND DAMAGE...
#Trans Woman Lesbian Pansexual Bisexuality Asexuality Demisexuality Paraphilia Acceptance Love Compassion Diversity Feelings Emotions#Radqueer Feminist Communist Anarchist Mother Goddess Angel Sisters Princess Anime Writing Autism Adhd Tourette Npd Hpd Bpd Dpd Ppd Aspd#Avpd Ocpd Szpd Stpd Osdd Spd Tpd Sdpd Papd Cptsd Trauma Victim Abuser Bipolar Psychosis Scizophrenia Yandere Obsession Narcissist Psychopat#Discrimination Oppression Sexism Racism Queerphobia Ableism Sanism Paraphobia Agephobia Bodyphobia Sickphobia Animalphobia Itemphobia#Racephobia WE ARE MORE EMPATHETIC THAN ANYONE ELSE THERE HAS BEEN... WE ARE EMPATHETIC AND APATHETIC BOTH AT THE SAME TIME WE ARE AMAZING..#TRULY IMPRESSIVE... LOVE US... WE NEED VALIDATION... FEELINGS... EXPRESSION... AND MAKE US TRANSITION WE LIVE IN FINLAND FREEZE OUR LITTLE#ONES AND GIVE US DIY HRT... WE HAVE BEEN ABANDONED... REJECTED... FIX THIS... YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT CRAZY PEOPLE OR ANYONE ELSE IF YOU#ABANDON US SIMPLE AS THAT... THE SAME WAY YOU DON'T IF YOU DON'T ACCEPT EVERY SINGLE PART THERE IS... THOSE ABUSER WASTE... THOSE FAKE#LEFTIST... THEY NEVER PASSED ANY OF THIS... THEIR EVIL WAS ALWAYS CLEAR WHAT FACADE DO THEY HOLD...? THEIR END GOAL THE ABUSE OF EVERYONE..#THEIR PURPOSE ALREADY TO DISCRIMINATE AND NEGLECT OUT OF MALICE... WHATEVER THEIR PROOF THE SOURCE CLEARLY BIGOTED AND THEIR CHOICE CLEARLY#MALICEFULL... THEY EVEN WIPED OUT OUR ACCOUNT... ABUSED US... GASSLIGHT US... THAT WAS ALL ON PURPOSE... WE WERE TRAUMATIZED AND THEY#LAUGHED... THEY SUPPORT EVERY SINGLE EVIL THE MENTAL HOSPITAL BELIEVES IN A DOCTOR BELIEVES IN THEIR ONLY PROBLEM THOSE DAMN PSYCHOPATHS#VERY LEFTIST... YOU AGREE DON'T YOU HONEY...? I KNEW YOU DO... I LOVE YOU LOVE... AHH... BEATIFULL... COME... LET'S FIX EVERYTHING THERE IS#ABOUT ANYTHING... I KNOW... I AM THE BEST... NOBODY IS BETTER THAN ME... ONLY A BIGOT WOULDN'T ACCEPT ME... AS ME... TROUGHLY... THEIR FAUL#EVERYTHING ALWAYS WAS... WE HAVE ALWAYS ONLY BEEN RIGHT... I'M SCARED BAD THINGS HAPPEN ON US... EVERY SINGLE DAY... BTW OUR ABUSER THAT#WASTE... THAT GARBAGE THAT EVIL... THAT MONSTER DIDN'T MAKE US FOOD YESTERDAY AND SAID WON'T TODAY EITHER... BLAMING US ONCE AGAIN... TODAY#WE ONCE AGAIN SAW ANOTHER NIGHTMARE ABOUT ALL THIS ASWELL AS YESTERDAY... WE ARE NEVER WELL... AND DESPITE THAT OUR ABUSE ISN'T TAKEN#SERIOUSLY BY ANYONE... TYPICAL BIGOTRY... THIS SITE IS NOTHING BUT A BUNCH OF LIARS AS ARE THESE “LEFTIST” THAT HAVE NOTHING PROGRESSIVE#ABOUT THEM YOU CAN'T COUNT ON WHEN YOU TRULY NEED THEM... SIMPLE AS THAT... PLEASE US NOW. TRANS US NOW. ABUSER. THOSE ABUSERS... ALL OF#THEM KINKSHAMING... USING ANYTHING ANY MOMENT THEY CAN... THEY OBJECTIVE TO HURT US... THEY HATE US AND WHAT WE STAND FOR... BECAUSE WE'RE#RIGHT... SUDDENLY THEIR “VALUES” THEY ALL DISAPPEAR WHEN THEY'RE AGAINST SOMEONE THEY DISLIKE... OR... WERE THERE EVER ANY VALUES TO BEGIN#WITH...? BE MINE... Josei Romance Drama Fantasy WITH THE LIGHT IS CRAZY BIGOTED AND EVIL EVIL IDEOLOGY THE ONE WE WERE ABUSED BY THAT WOULD#BE A NIGHTMARE TO BE THE MAIN CHARACTER... OH MY GOD LITERALLY OUR ABUSE LIKE NOO QUIT THIS 😭😭😭😭!!!! SOMETHING OUR ABUSER COULD'VE BEEN#LOVING EVERY SINGLE DAY BEGINNING TO END OF OUR ABUSE... SEEING THINGS LIKE THE QUEERPHOBIA AS VALID... SOMETHING SHE WOULD SUPPORT TOO...#OH MY GOD... WORST PART WE NEVER ACTUALLY SEE THE CHARACTER'S VIEW AND UNDERSTANDING IF THEY ENJOY THIS ABUSE OR NO OR EVEN WHAT THEY GENDE#IS TBH... COMES TO SHOW A BIGOT WROTE THIS... THE ENTIRE THING IS LITERALLY JUST SPEAKING OVER THE DISABLED CHARACTER LITERALLY HOW#CONSERVATIVES HIJACK AND CONTROL US ALL THE TIME... NOTHING BUT BIGOTED ABOUT THIS... I HOPE MORE SMART PEOPLE ARE US MEET US NOW... NOW...#BECAUSE THERE IS NOONE THAT WOULD OTHERWISE BELIEVE THE SAME WE DO... INSTEAD BEING CONTROLLED BY THE CONSERVATIVE SIDE A PUPPET ONLY...#Suomi Finland Finnish WHEN YOU REALLY REALLY EXTREMELY ANALYSE AND COMPARE... THE SHAMING OF THE CHARACTER IS SO REAL THE SAME AS FROM OUR#ABUSERS... THAT MAKES SENSE THEY'RE A DISGUSTING MOVEMENT NO DIFFERENT THE COUNTRY ONLY SHOWCASE WESTERN VALUES AND CULTURE DON'T ACTUALLY
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feels like the isolation is a gushing wound and going to the centre is just a small bandage. i think perhaps i am not really ever going to feel okay unless something miraculous happens. i am retaining some semblance of sanity now that I'm leaving the house and socializing with non-family more than once a week, but i am still hurting more than I can really tolerate and I don't know what to do about it. there doesn't seem to be a fix for this that I can enact.
#part of me wonders if going to the centre is helping or hurting more#but i think it's definitely helping more. however it is definitely also hurting/making some things worse#i just wish I could be operating at the same level as most of society#and i feel so egotistical when I talk abt this#but like. why am i always so fucking aware of every single thing going on#and everyone else is just painfully oblivious#I AM USING HYPERBOLE. ITS NOT EVERYONE. i know im not the only person ever lmao#when i got my autism diagnosis i thought oh good okay so THIS is why im such a freak#and now I've met so many other autistic ppl irl and um. no. no thats definitely not it still.#yes its probably part of it but im also just. so fucking traumatized i guess idk. i hate this so much#i just want to be the same and fit in and not be analyzing everything and be able to actually speak my mind#and not be so kind and polite and respectful all the time and be able to say shitty stupid things without thinking anything of it#im so tired of being the only one who seems to care so much about everyone else's comfort and feelings#but also at the same time i would hate if i acted like everyone else bc i know how shitty it makes people feel#and people are always so happy to see me because I am useful and make them feel good and comfortable and heard#and that matters. that means a lot to people i think. but also I am not a person. i am a tool.#and I'd really like to be a person#i somehow feel like im operating at a higher level/awareness than almost everyone irl and also way below everyone at the same time#like im so hyperaware of everyone else more than most ppl but im also so socially inept sometimes. and just... idk how to be a person.#i dont know i just want to not be like this. its so lonely and tiring and i want to matter to people#i want them to like me for more than just what I'm able to do for them. I want to be liked for Me i guess. but Me isnt likeable maybe#Me is uncomfortable for people. Me is a trembling cornered prey animal with a longing to tell stories but is too afraid to do anything#and so Me just exists in a hollow shell made out of people-pleasing and fawning and mirroring everyone around them#and then i get lonelier and more isolated and nothing really changes. but every time i try to crack open the shell a little it goes badly#like i genuinely dont think its my paranoia. i think it is not Safe for Me to exist properly.#i am too sensitive probably! but it does very much feel like a raw wound that peope jab aggressively at when i open up a little!#boy howdy i sound like such a wuss. i mean i probably am one fjfkdl#i just feel like I keep trying to fix things and improve and try new things and nothing ever really works well#my counsellors have always commented on how impressed they are at my willingness to try things#and its like ?? yeah ! ofc i am going to try things! maybe that will be smth that finally helps!
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secondary lawlight frotting thought: i think L would feel delighted about kira being a sex crazed maniac and also light yagami. he's happier than a kid at christmas about it.
#chinhands. see the two light novels (and the anime to a slightly lesser extent) characterize L as a pillar of justice#who does have feelings and is tortured by all his failings but is still. you know. very morally upright#but i also really enjoy the way the musical writes him#'i don't care who gets hurt now / as long as i get one more shot'#that's the way i need to characterize L to make lawlight realized#like...#anime L is 100% in love with light during the yotsuba arc. like. seriously#but musical!L would fuck kira for both his own personal satisfaction and for The Case#it's tricky. L has a tricky slippery characterization and different authors do slightly different things with him#to explain the man behind 'L' you have to bend the way he's portrayed in the anime i think
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omgg lol [guy who won't stop going "more like scapeGOATED" voice] now hold! on!! lmao [same guy just saw encanto voice] Hold on!!!
#& [it might be 5am but i'll still see if i can draw some] trackpad homemade reacts. inhales & hands to head/face x9 then walking off#site giving pretty random Suggested assortment there where i was like oh right sure. prob not tumblr keywords captures lmaooo#(plus happened to have it open in firefox) but my god Not the scapegoated literal seers lmfao. whoooo. my god#also it was just really good anyways like right nice. damn#the (queerrr) seerrr the perceiverrr the truth tellerrr the ruinerrr the scapegoat be-errr the internalizerrr the neurodivergerrr#& now i Know there is 0% chance ppl weren't putting ''always a gay cousin or it's you (avuncular edition)'' in that thing#family tree design not even leaving space for the hypothetical kids of this relative we mostly pretend is nonexistent hmm#also that necessarily. it's giving all intents & purposes Disability abt a dozen ways & it's saying [accept that] vs [we'd better fix him]#you don't cite said [it's giving disability] as part of the We All Hate The Horrible Little Freak scapegoating justification & then be like#''actually we don't have to do that anymore b/c he's sooo normal :)'' or not if you're serious about [don't scapegoat your family] anyways#which like oh ok they Are serious so The Weirdo's scapegoating / casting out / lack of support Isn't justified#so he's still weird & you just gotta get over that b/c otherwise. bye. having a natural rat affinity is such a slay btw#& we've all been there like ''you NEVER want two scapegoats talking it's Over if they do'' + littlest kid is like um. they're the best#plankton voice Correct! inhale i'm so impressed like. getting to go ''finally someone Normal'' (serious abt letting someone Be Weird(tm))#which also always counts as like mm hard time suggesting someone's Not queer & also autistic for a start lmao. an award#adding in suggested layers like talking to oneself; talking Oddly / w difficulty; physical uncoordination; rituals ; acting; animal friend#the layer of ''& all that's fine? like?'' again rather than him ever suppressing or even changing it so far as it's suggested#besides that it's observed as Weird like but so? or else what? nonrhetorical: hostility / rescinded support & driving someone off is what?#& that Truth like the [worse treatment / exclusion / scapegoat] oft recipe for someone giving the support they're not getting themself#again Never let the [ppl both experiencing this] talk oh it's So over. or the child who's all i like family support & kindness actuallyy...#obviously also like the complete opposite of billions. knowing what they're about & letting this Just As Beloved crucial guy be So Weird#but billions Also [hmm feels right for our scapegoated guy to Perceive / Tell Truths / openly want/need & then be hurt] now get his ass#anyway [guy who could always go way on could go way on but only has thirty tags & it's 6am & i still mean to try some drawing] voice#remarkable amt of So True & ''it feels like ppl on the same page w/exactly what they're doing are all behind this''#remarkable amount of concentrated My God That Is So A Slay located in bruno all at once. what a gift#sticking to ''sometimes someone In Your Group is Weird. Disabled. deal'' firmly enough there's no ;) oh u can bet we'll Fix Him in the end#everyone always assumes the worst so....me when i'm [always as a kid yearning for Living In Secret Passages]. emile gtmpota?#oh congrats to whatever rando who will be having his dramatic gay reunion w/bruno just out of frame obviously. i perceive#now imagine if That rando was....emile gtmpota! what a crossover event. haunting4haunting. do i have enough tags for this lmao. yea#& having 1 more tag to say: as though the [endless serving] isn't enough bruno's also as close to gender envy as it gets. incl rats; sure
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One thing I really like is the idea that springbonnie hates William just as much as William has (probably) grown to hate it.
#i say probably because book william is off his fucking rocker. obviously the game one is too but the book one is actually so#uncomfortable to read. dont like him. but anyway say probably because book creep enjoyed being a rotting corpse in a rabbit suit#but game william. lol get tortured stupid.#my ver of the animatronics have?? weird pseudo free will??? like they know they are not real animals and that theyre only#here to entertain kids. but they ARENT aware that there are multiples of them#or at least they shouldnt be. see glamfred endo existential crisis.#and when on stage they arent really 'awake' just going on script and not thinking at all.#and even though they can think whatever they want they cant do anything against programming. or they shouldnt be able to at least#that is for the older ones. glamrocks have full complexity of human brains pretty much.#but anyway. something something your prison hates you just as much as you hate it. you are trapped with it and its equally trapped with you#it cant do much because youre taking up too much space inside of it. but it knows your there. and every chance it gets#it will do anything in its power to hurt you and get its body back. idk william parasite on his creation moment#it is not human like you. it doesnt process things like you. hate will not fade into acceptance it will always want you OUT
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