#I should be sewing but I am feeling very meh about it

[sheliesshattered]

I have maintained for years that it’s not possible for me to be bored. There’s always a dozen different things going on in my brain, and at least that many things that I want to make at any given time. And yet.

[scotiaeire]

We were all heathens once...

An article on ritual sacrifice and eating of dogs got me thinking. I do that sometimes. Think. Doesn’t always work out well but, meh. Old age allows for some meandering and blethering.

Besides. It’s my blog. I can say what I like, so...

Y’know, christianity is an incredibly young belief system. And for Europeans, it doesn’t actually belong to us. Since I’m not wasting time on a potted history of a belief system I was never raised in nor am particularly interested in, just know that. It doesn’t belong to, stem from, or align with, Europe. Even though they did manage to force a square  peg into a round hole...

There was a time the whole global population was pagan in one form or another and in the timespan of human history, that wasn’t so long ago, yet it *was* a very long time that we were just that..all pagans.

To identify myself if folks ask, I call myself “heathen”, a word that simply once meant “heath dweller”. Now it’s come to mean Scandinavian or Norse paganism. (unless you’re christian, in which case for you it means anyone not christian).

Other folks call themselves “pagan”. *shrug* Same diff. It means we’re attempting to live according to the belief systems of our ancestors, and having to (and in most cases struggling to) adapt their methods of ritual and lifestyle and mindsets for the world we live in today.

It shouldn’t be so hard tbh. Just “pretend” christianity never happened. Most of Europe would still be heathen. It would have evolved over time, with each passing generation and technological advancement, because of course nothing remains static, or it dies.

I’m not going to say I can tell you what the world would be like had the religions stemming from the Middle East not overrun the Western world. Sweden was the last European nation, if I remember rightly, to be forcibly converted to christianity, and still there are pockets of heathenism within the country that have never taken to the conquering faith.

In other nations, such as my own Scotland, a strange amalgamation of traditional Celtic paganism absorbed the church teachings and just got on with it. Thus, the goddess Bride became Saint Brigit, etc, and if you want a prime example of how all that works, take a read at the Carmina Gadelica and other literary collections of folklore up to and including the traditional songs of the Highlanders.

But I was never christian. I was born into a heathen family. It wasn’t a bed of roses. I had the bullying (which included a teacher spitting at me as she walked past) after my parents raged at the headmaster that in no manner was I to be included in morning prayer, lunch grace or assembly prayers.

At the time, it just embarrassed me and made of me an outcast. I hated it. As I grew and found my own heathen path, I was grateful. I see quite a few ex christians struggle with feelings of guilt for “leaving the faith behind” (hint: it was never *your* faith. It’s a foreign one, if you are European or Scots, English, Welsh or Irish) or who can’t quite shake the “sin” shit that was drummed into them.

I see others who, having no roots in heathenry or their native paganism, struggle to find out what they can learn from.

I’m not here to give advice but I’d advise going back to history books, removing the jaundiced eye of any christian authors from the facts if you can, and take it from there. Also, archaeology is your friend here. Folks and fairy tales. Sagas, Eddas, Old Irish Tales. Ancient songs that are traditional to your country. It’s a start. (So aye, I did give advice. Sorry. Ye can take it or leave it, no skin off my nose)

We can’t (sadly) live the lives of our ancestors because, frankly, the powers that be won’t let us. Whereas once, animals would be ritually sacrificed then feasted upon at certain times of year, now the animal cruelty folks’d be visiting your door and you’d be fined or arrested. (Another hint: you get round that by raising meat livestock. Vegetarian heathens, I have no advice for ye’s sorry. Heathenism is an animistic path that doesn’t preclude the consuming of sacred animals. And if you’re actively looking to your ancestors for inspiration, this *is* the type of thing they practiced)

We can’t go to war on our enemies, because governments got the Sole Right to do that, without us having an actual say in who our enemies really are.

Who, today, can *truly* erect a Nidthing Pole (curse pole) on the perimeter of your enemies property without being, again, arrested. Note also the interference of the State in just how pagan or heathen you can actually *be*....

So heathenry has to adapt and change to fit with how we are *allowed* to live these days. And therein lies the shame..the majority allow the minority to dictate how we can live, worship, and be spiritual.

So we do what we can. In quite a few countries, proclaiming yourself as heathen can be actually dangerous. So you keep on the down-low and keep your head down about it and practice quietly, or in secret.

Other places are more tolerant but I  have noticed that even though they are “on the outside”, the reality is that if you are openly heathen you will often encounter a backlash from christians or other faiths not pagan on more than one occasion.

And you’ll undoubtedly be painted as some kind of demon/devil/evil person. And it takes some kind of courage to stand against that, to tell people without it disintegrating into a pub brawl, that you’ve the fucking *right* to be who you are when it comes to your faith, and if that means following the faith of your ancestors, nobody has the right to prevent it.

Just, y’know, when you are following the faith of your ancestors, do them justice, eh? Make them proud of you. Let them see that you’re not defaming their ways.

Despite how my posts might appear, I’m a “live and let live” woman. You leave me be, and I’ll do the same for you.

My own personal mindset is that I don’t “do” eclecticism, simply because I feel it’s a bit of an insult if I’d been, say, performing rites to Thor then throwing in a bit of Dianic witchery (Italian) or the like. “Hello Thor, Big Fella. Meet Diana”. Nah. Not gonna work out there...

I’m no purist either though. If christianity hadn’t been forced on some of our ancestors, heathenry would have adapted, evolved and changed over time. But the *roots* of it would have remained. The pantheons would have been unlikely to have meshed with other pantheons, as did the Celtic and Roman deities in some parts of the British Isles. Chiefly, England.

The practices though, would have changed and so we shouldn’t feel downhearted when the State states (sorry) ye can’t go out and blood eagle your worst enemy or shove that Nidthing Pole up in your annoying neighbour’s back garden. If it’s hexery you’re into there are much more subtle ways, if you’re a woman. If you’re a heathen man, you might want to employ a woman to do the job for ye. Ergi, and all that...

Because times have changed we can sometimes feel adrift, not knowing quite how to *be* heathen in a modern world that increasingly shrinks our freedoms to even live.

But there are ways. The article I shared previously to this post spoke of sacrifice. In pre christian, pre nanny State days, sacrifices were serious matters and serious events. They *meant* something of note.

I have to be honest here, “sacrificing” a bowl of fruit or a bunch of flowers isn’t quite the same. Ye can say what you think about that but it’s not.

Because if you need to sacrifice anything to get a god’s attention, if you’re desperate (been there, done that) then what you give *has* to have meaning, *has* to be hard to give, and *has* to be worthy of that god. Or it means nothing.

No, I’m not advocating animal or human sacrifice. But if the thing you give has little meaning to you (and don’t tell me a bowl of fruit or bunch of flowers means the world to you...) then why should a god listen to you?

Anyway...heathenry was more than the rituals of sacrifice, hexing your enemies and going to war. In domestic life little daily rituals kept the household running smoothly. When the partner of a woman left on a journey, for example, she’d sew charms into his clothing for protection and safe return. The hearth of a home..the firepit or fireplace..has a wealth of rituals surrounding it, probably the most prolific of the domestic magics, perhaps apart from spinning and weaving. Charms to keep your children safe, spells to help older folks thrive, all were taken care of in fine heathen fashion.

So if nothing else, that, at least, we can return to.

[katlyn1948]

On My Way: For the Gendrya Gift Exchange

@thereluctantbadger this is for you! I enjoyed doing this for the @gendrya-gift-exchange

I hope you enjoy!! 

Also I wanted to add, I left the story quite open ended, so don’t hate me if you don’t like open ended stories!!! 

On My Way

Katlyn1948

Summary:

Based off of the prompt: Gendry is trying to get to the hospital before Arya gives birth.

Notes:

For TheReluctantBadger.

So...this is my submission for Gendrya Gift Exchange. I am not going to lie, I had a hard time with this prompt and this story is REALLY dialogue heavy. I had a lot of different ideas of what I wanted to do, but they all just seemed meh. I finally came up with this alternating POV's idea and what Arya and Gendry are doing individually. I didn't have time to edit this as well, I've been really busy at work (it is always like this at the end of the year) and have hardly any time to write any of my WIPs. The deadline for this was tomorrow and I wanted to post it today because I know I wouldn't have time to do it tomorrow. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy!!

Work Text:

ARYA

Arya was uncomfortable.

She was more than that; she was miserable.

It was two weeks well past her due date and she was sure that her child would never come into the world. Why she even agreed to have a child was beside her. Sure, Gendry had begged and pleaded and gave her the cutest, stupidest puppy dog eyes known to man. However, the fact that she actually caved still astounded her. She never considered herself the motherly type, yet as her pregnancy progressed, she found herself falling in love with the being growing inside her.

She was ready, that she was sure of; she just needed to get it out of her womb.

Restless nights began the beginning of her third trimester and eventually kicking Gendry out of the bed was the only sure way she could get a moderate good night’s rest, but when the end of her pregnancy (or so she thought) approached, sleep was the last thing she could get. Her swollen stomach and the constant somersaults her baby insisted on doing kept her up most of the night. Not even the kind presence of her husband could soothe her insomnia.

“Maybe we should walk the neighborhood. I heard it could help induce labor.” Gendry stated three days after her due date.

Arya was sitting on the couch opposite him, fiddling with crochet needles and yarn. She taken up the hobby the moment her OBGYN put her on strict bed rest because of her petite frame and sheer size of her over grown belly. She wanted to make a simple hat of the baby, but it was turning more into a sock, despite her constant efforts.

“Gendry, I’m fine. The doctor said that these things are normal. I’m sure the baby will come in a few days’ time.” She said as she struggled with the current row of stiches.

Gendry snorted, “Watch it come so unexpectedly, not even you nor I will be prepared.”

Arya’s eyes snapped up to meet his, a very distinctive glare pooling from her irises, “Don’t you dare jinx me. I have been prepared since the doctor put me on bed rest. I am ready for this baby, are you?”

“Of course I am! I just finished setting up the crib and the walls of the nursery are pained that soft pale yellow you wanted.” Gendry pretended to be insulted by Arya’s words, gasping with feigned innocence.

Arya scoffed, “It’s more to it than that.”

She shook her head at him, returning her attention to the pile of yarn sitting on her lap. It really was futile effort, for she was never one for such crafts. She knew how to sew a button on shirt of course, but crocheting was an entirely different feat.

Arya struggled with the last few stiches before finally throwing the needles across the living room with a resounding clank.

“Is everything alright?” Gendry asked as he moved by her side.

“No.” Arya whimpered. “I really want this baby out of me.”

Gendry sighed, pulling Arya into his arms so she could rest on his chest. “The baby will come and she will be perfect just like her mother.”

“She?”

“I feel like it’s a girl, don’t you?”

Arya groaned, “I don’t know, maybe it should make its way into the world so I can find out!”

She poked at her belly, trying to get a ruse out of the babe within her. A few moments passed before a noticeable kick protruded, causing Arya to grunt in discomfort.

“I don’t think she liked that.” Gendry teased.

Arya turned in his arms, punching his gut a little more forcefully than she intended, “Shut up, stupid.”

GENDRY

He had fallen asleep on the couch with Arya nestled in his arms.

She has been so uncomfortable as of late, that he tried to do anything he could to help with her ever growing stomach, even if it meant giving up his bed.

The first time he was kicked out of their room, he was sure that he had done something stupid. There were plenty of times where Gendry would do something without thinking, causing Arya to completely ghost him, even if he was two feet away.

But that night he knew that there was nothing that he had done that day that could have caused her to be upset with him, so instead of marching off to the couch without question, he huffed and barged into their room, with the lights on full blast.

“What in the bloody seven hells is wrong with you!” She barked from their bed.

“Why are you kicking me out of our bed. I know I didn’t do anything.” Gendry countered, his lips pursing in annoyance.

He could hear Arya’s muffled groan from under her pillow as she threw their duvet off her body, “I know you didn’t do anything, you stupid bull! I kicked you out because you’re uncomfortable.”

Gendry looked at with confusion, “I’m…uncomfortable?”

“Yes! With this growing baby and your sheer size, I cannot find a comfortable position to sleep in, so I kicked you out. Surely, you don’t want your pregnant wife sleeping on the couch.” She questioned.

Gendry’s cheeks went red, “No?”

“Good answer. Now, if you please, shut of the damn light and let me sleep!” Before Gendry could understand what was going on, a white pillow came flying towards his face. He dodged it easily but complied with his wife’s wishes and made himself comfortable on the couch.

Three months had gone by and he was still confided to the couch, unable to get a decent rest since. He didn’t complain, but his back sure was screaming from the lack of a proper bed. He knew how miserable Arya had been, considering she was nearing two weeks past her due date, and anything he could to help appease her uncomfortableness, he would gladly do.

This night, however, she had fallen asleep right with him, and he was sure that this was the first night she truly had a good rest since kicking him out of their room.

He groaned a bit as he shifted from under her, being mindful not wake her. He reached to the couch side table and clicked his phone, watching as the screen illuminated to read the time. It was nearing 7 am and he was surprised that he already had four missed calls and six text messages from Clegane.

“Shit!” he whispered as he read one of the messages sent.

Two of their mechanics had rang sick and the shop was behind on appointments.

Although Gendry was out for the rest of year, considering Arya was about to pop, he knew that Clegane would need the extra hands. He may have been co-owner, but he still had a responsibility to their clients. So, with a defeated sigh, he gently shook Arya to wake her from her slumber.

“Arya, love, I need to get up.”

He watched as she crinkled her face in annoyance, letting a yawn escape her lips, “Why? You don’t have to go to work.”

“But I do.”

That got her attention. She sprang up from his chest and gave him a glare.

“Don’t look at me like that. Clegane called and two of our mechanics rang sick, I have to go.” He countered.

“Gendry, Sandor can call any of your other mechanics; let one of them come in.”

Gendry shook his head, “I can’t do that. Lem is out on holiday; I doubt he is even in the country, and Anguy his with Beric on a supply run. It will only be for a few hours and I’ll be back before you notice I’m gone.”

“It’s three days before Christmas, Gen. It is one of the busiest days of the year for travel. Everyone is trying to get their car maintenance before they leave on gods know what kind of road trip. Imagine the traffic out there now; you won’t be home until late.”

“Isn’t Sansa supposed to stop by today and have tea? Spend some time with her, I’m sure there is lots you two need to catch up on.” He smiled.

“I’m not some gossiping house wife, but it would be nice to spend time with her.” She said with a defeated sigh.

Gendry smiled, “Great! Now I have to get ready.” He placed a quick kiss on her lips before shuffling out from under her.

“You tell Sandor that if you’re not home by seven, I’ll castrate him!” Gendry heard her yell as he ran off into their bedroom.

He chuckled under his breath before yelling back, “As you wish, milady.”

ARYA

It was nearing 10 AM and Arya was bored out of her mind.

Gendry had left her to do the right thing and Sansa was 45 minutes late due to the ridiculous amounts of traffic that had transpired, leaving Arya alone and miserable. She had given up on her crochet hat, unable to take the painstakingly precision it required to make such a thing. She opted out on buying a light-yellow knitted hat on Amazon three minutes after she threw the yarn and crocheting needles in the garbage bin.

There were so many Nintendo Switch games she could play and the stupid computer players on Super Smash Bros. were not taking it easy on her.

Being bed rest, or as she liked to call it, ‘House Arrest’, was becoming more an issue for Arya than she thought it would be.

For three months straight she had to ‘take it easy’ and ‘be mindful’ so that she didn’t put her baby or herself as risk. Arya understood that she had to be careful, but she wasn’t expecting bed rest to be so restraining. Sure, she could get up and walk about her house or even make her way to the back yard for some fresh air, but anything else seemed like a big no-no.

Her OB-GYN gave her the go ahead to do some light exercises, but not at the gym and certainly nothing that she used to do before getting pregnant.

It was suffocating, and she was beginning to hate being pregnant.

She wanted her freedom, or a least a trip to the grocery store without having to get permission. She couldn’t wait for the baby to be here and in her arms, for at least she would be able to get out of her house when it did finally arrive, even if it is a trip to the hospital.

She grumbled in frustration for a few more minutes before her doorbell rang, indicating that Sansa had finally made it through the traffic.

Arya struggled a bit to lift herself from the couch, huffing for a breath as she finally got her bearings. She waddled over to the door and swiftly pulled it open, immediately pulling her sister into an awkward hug.

“Oh, look at you! You’re so-”

“If you say big, I will punch you.” She deadpanned.

“Radiating. You’re so radiating.” Sansa quickly recovered.

Arya stepped aside from the entryway and allowed her sister to enter the house.

“So, where is Gendry?” Sansa said as she shrugged off her coat and draped it across a dining chair.

“At work. Apparently two of his mechanics rang sick and he had to go and cover the shift.”

“But he is supposed to be out until the new year. What was Sandor thinking?”

Arya shrugged, “I tried to convince him to stay, but you know how Gendry is. He wouldn’t be able to leave the shop like that.”

“He is such a good man; you really did get lucky with him.” Sansa sighed.

“I did, didn’t I?” Arya chuckled.

The two sisters enjoyed the comfortable silence as Arya made her way into the kitchen, pouring two mugs of hot tea. She shuffled her way back to the dining table and gently placed the mug on the table for Sansa to grab.

“So, how have you been?” Sansa asked as she took a sip of her tea.

“Tired, irritable, cranky…I mean the list goes on.”

“Well, you look like you’re about to pop.”

Arya scoffed, “I wish! The baby is nearly two weeks late and it won’t stop kicking me to death!”

Sansa’s eyes nearly bugged out of her head when she hears her sister’s words, “Two weeks! Arya, have you told your doctor?”

“Of course, I have!”

“And?”

“They will induce on Christmas Eve, if the baby doesn’t come before then.” She admitted.

Sansa sighed, “Okay, does Gendry know? And that is just in two days, It won’t be long until you have your baby in your arms.”

Arya groaned in frustration, “No, he doesn’t know and that’s not the point, Sansa.”

“Then what is it?”

Arya took a breath in order to gather her bearings, “I don’t want to be induced. I want this baby to come when it’s ready, not because some doctor had to make it so. I want to do this the right way.”

Sansa looked at her sister. For the first time in her life, she saw Arya vulnerable and afraid and all she could do was sweep her little sister in her arms and hug her.

“It will be alright. You have two days, right. That gives this baby plenty of time to come on its own volition.”

Arya embraced her sister tightly and was thankful for her visit.

She hadn’t seen her Sansa since last Christmas, and she was sorely missing sister constant advice. They may not have gotten along when they were younger, but now as adults she was grateful for Sansa.

“I hope you’re right.” Arya whispered as they pulled away from their hug.

She hadn’t realized that Sansa’s tea mug was sitting on the edge of the table when she knocked it over with her elbow, causing it to shatter on the hardwood floor.

“Shit!” She cursed as she bent down to pick up the mess.

Arya was no more than halfway over when she felt an immediate pressure in lower back, along with the steady stream of liquid running down her legs. She gasped and pulled herself straight before placing a hand over her protruding stomach.

“What is it?” Sansa asked as she rose from her dining chair to aid her sister.

“I think…I think my water just broke.”

GENDRY

The normal fifteen-minute drive it took to get from his house to the shop turned into a 45-minute obstacle from hell. To Gendry, it seemed as if everyone on the face of the planet was trying to get out of King’s Landing, making it near impossible to get to the shop any sooner.

He could already hear Clegane’s mouth and would have to brace himself for a whole slew of profanities that was sure to come his way as soon as he entered the shop.

Why he went into business with the famed boxer, Sandon ‘The Hound’ Clegane, was beyond Gendry. He knew he had a soft spot for Arya, considering he trained her for nearly decade in competitive boxing, but Gendry never believed that he would agree to open a mechanic shop with him.

It was a desperate move on Gendry’s end, that turned out to be rewarding. Sure, he had to suffer constant verbal abuse from the man, but it could have been worse, or at least that’s what Gendry tells himself.

For three and half years they’ve been in business. One would think that after spending all that time with one another, they would grow to become friends, but that was far from what happened. If anything, their constant bickering has only gotten worse, making for interesting work days.

Gendry rounded the corner, seeing his shop come into view.

It was modest; no where near some of the other mechanic shops that were around King’ Landing, but it had a welcoming feel that invited all types of people from around the area. In the short time they’ve been open, the shop has grown quite the clientele. Everything from high politicians to working class citizens; they all came for the services that Gendry and Clegane had to offer.

“Gendry? What are you doing here?” A familiar voice stopped him on the way to the back of the shop.

He turned as was greeted by the same blue eyes that he possessed. His sister, Mya, was seated at the receptionist desk with a large cup of coffee and a half-eaten cheese Danish. She looked exhausted and hadn’t expected her brother to walk in.

“Clegane called me in, considering we are two men down.” He said with a shrug.

“Fucking Clegane! I told him not to call you. He knows that Arya can pop at any moment, besides you are on holiday for another three weeks!” She scolded him.

Gendry rose his hands in defense, “Hey, don’t take it out on me, tell the other boss man.”

“I’m going to kill him.” She huffed.

Gendry chuckled before realizing that she shouldn’t have been there.

“Wait, what are you doing here? Don’t you have today off? Where is Bella?” He threw questions at her.

Mya sighed, “Bella had an audition today, so she asked me to cover her shift. She should be here in a couple of minutes to relieve me. I must get back home to the girls.”

“How long have you been here?” He asked as he wandered over to the desk, placing his elbows on the desk.

“Since one in the morning. You know, you should really re-consider this whole 24-hour thing.” She said with a yawn.

“And who is with the girls?”

“Edric.”

Gendry scoffed, “You left Edric alone with children? I’d say you have a better chance at keeping them alive here at the shop.”

“Oh, I’m sure he will be hiding away in a corner when I get home.” She chuckled.

Gendry smiled before turning back to head to the back of the shop.

“Oh wait! Before I forget…Edric told me that father wants to spend Christmas with us. I really don’t want to and I’m sure you and Arya want to take it slow, with the baby and everything.”

“Actually, the Starks are coming for Christmas, so Arya and I will be spending the holiday with them.”

“In your tiny house?”

“Gods no! The Starks have a manor here in King’s Landing, we will be there. You’re welcome to join. I’m sure the girls would love it and Robb’s boys are going to be there.”  He admitted.

Mya nodded, “I think I’ll take you up on that offer. The girls loved spending time with them at Sansa’s wedding last summer. They will be glad to see them again.”

“Good then it’s settled. Now, I have to hurry to the back before Clegane rips my head off.”

Mya chuckled and waved her brother off, “Go.”

Gendry smiled and jogged off towards the back, preparing himself for the worst.

He managed to slip into the break room without Clegane seeing him and pulled on his work overalls. Every inch of the grey-blue suit was covered in grease spots. There was a whole in the front left breast area and the seem of one of his sleeves was coming apart. The overalls had been with since his first days as a mechanic and Mott’s and he wasn’t willing to part with them just yet. The zipper still worked, and for the most part, it was in one piece. Clegane had called is a piece of shit, and Gendry couldn’t argue with his sentiments, but they were nostalgic for Gendry and so long as they still did their job, the overalls were staying on his body.

He pulled on his steel-toe work boots (he learned from his past mistakes) and laced them tight to keep them in place. Slamming the locker closed, he made his way to the work floor where three of his workers were working on two different cars.

“Oi! If it doesn’t need two people, then one you lot get our arse working on that back car.” He yelled, pointing to the mini van across the shop floor.

One of the newer mechanics, Oliver, scurried over to the minivan and began assessing what needed to be done.

“Well its about fucking time you showed up!” Clegane staggered over to Gendry with a very distinguished glare.

“Sorry, Clegane, the traffic was horrible.” Gendry tried to reason.

“Cry me a fucking river, Baratheon. We have appointments back up to fucking Winterfell and not enough men to cover it. I’ve already got bitched on by some snooty politician’s wife and a butcher nearly severed my head. I don’t have time for your sob stories. Oh, and turn off that fucking phone of yours, yeah? I don’t need you distracted.”

“But, Clegane, I can’t do that. Arya is-”

“I know the she wolf is about to pop, but if she hasn’t given birth now, she ain’t going to in the next couple of hours. Now, turn it off before I break the fucking thing.” He turned on his heel and stomped off towards the other mechanics on the floor, barking out commands as he did so.

Gendry cursed under his breath, praying to the gods above that nothing happened while he was working.

ARYA

The pressure in her back began to increase as Sansa weaved her way through the horrible traffic that had descended upon King’s Landing. She could feel the throbbing pains hit her every five minutes and she was sure they would never make it to the hospital on time.

She tried to focus on her breathing and not the buzzing world around her, but Sansa’s constant screaming at people who couldn’t even hear her made it near impossible.

“Have you tried calling him again?” Arya asked through gritted teeth. Sansa had been trying to ring Gendry for the last hour, but the call would go to voicemail every time. It was becoming annoying and Arya swore that if Gendry missed the birth of their child, she would string him up by his testicles and never sleep with him again.

“There is no answer-move out of the fucking way!”  She yelled once more.

“Well did you try the shop?”

“The line is busy. Probably all the last-minute people trying to get their cars fixed before the new year.”

Arya groaned as another wave of pain hit. “Uh…try Mya. I think she has a shift today-ahh.”

Sansa nodded and began dialing the number on her phone and placing it to her ear.

“Uh, Mya?...Hi! this is Sansa Stark-yes, Arya’s sister. Are you at the shop?....Oh, well is there a way to reach them?....Well the line is busy…..Arya is in labor….yes, and we’ve tried his cell, but it goes straight to voicemail….he what?!....My sister is going to kill him…..will you?.....that would be great!....see you then, bye!”

“Wha-what did she say?” Arya huffed.

“Well, she’s not at the shop. She left about fifteen minutes ago, but she doesn’t live far and is headed back over there. It seems Sandor made Gendry shut off his phone.”

Arya groaned and she clutched her stomach, “WHAT! I’m going to murder them both! Oh my gods! Are we there yet?!”

Sweat was dripping down her face and the pain was becoming increasingly unbearable. She wasn’t sure how long it would be until the baby finally did come, but she hoped it wasn’t until its father made his appearance.

“We should be there in about two minutes, maybe five.”

Arya grimaced, “For your sake, I hope its two.”

GENDRY

Work came easily for Gendry and he could easily find himself distracted with it. He enjoyed the pastime and found a real comfort in doing what he did. Since he was a teenager, he had been working in shops across King’s Landing, picking up skills from other mechanics along the way.

It wasn’t until he reached Mott’s shop that he realized he could do this for a living.

Mott taught him almost everything he needed to know how to do the trade and when it was time for him to leave and try to make is own way, he took all that knowledge and made it into what his shop is today.

There was something about working with steel and metal and all the intricate little parts of car that intrigued Gendry. It was like a puzzle that he couldn’t wait to piece together.

He was working on a very expensive car with a very expensive engine problem.

Tyrion Lannister had used it for street racing…again and ruined the engine by doing so. It wasn’t an easy fix and it sure wasn��t a fast one, but Gendry new what the problem was and could easily have it done before the end of the day.

He had quoted the play boy for two days work, but if he managed to stay on schedule, then he could be a full day ahead.

He was under the car, so anything going on around him he could hardly hear. He was trying to patch through some wires when he was dragged out from under the car with Sandor Clegane looming over him.

“What the fuck, Clegane! I was working!”

“Not anymore.”

“What are you talking about?”

Clegane threw his thumb over his shoulder, pointing to a person behind him.

Gendry groaned as he lifted himself up, wiping his dirty hands on his overalls. He thought he was about to meet with another client, not his older sister who he last seen just two hours prior.

Her expression looked grim and her face pale. It looked like she had received bad news. Gendry swiftly made his way over to where his stood, gently placing his hands on her shoulders, “Mya, what’s wrong? Are the girls okay?”

Mya nodded, “The girls are fine, but you’re not.”

“What do you mean?”

“Arya is in labor and she nor Sansa have been able to get ahold of you! Why in the seven hells would you turn off your phone!”

“Well Clegane made me-wait, what? Arya is in labor!”

Mya scoffed, “Yes, you daft buffoon! Now come on, we have to go!”

Gendry nodded and scurried after his sister, leaving the shop and Sandon Clegane behind.

ARYA

The steady beep of machines echoed around the hospital room.

As soon as Sansa pulled up to the ER, the nurses were able to get Arya situated into a room, with everything she needed to be settled.

The epidural was less than pleasant, but the effects the medicine was giving was like heaven to Arya.

Sansa had been making phone calls to all the necessary people, letting them know that she was due to give birth at any hour. Of course, she may have been over exaggerating, considering Arya’s OB-GYN put her at seven centimeters dilated.  

“Well, Arya, it’s a good thing you came in when you did. You very well may have had this baby in the car if it wasn’t for your sister’s driving.” Her doctor, Margaery Tyrell, explained.

“I didn’t realize she has such road rage until today.” She laughed.

“Yes, well you were-are in labor.” Sansa countered.

“Let’s hope your husband is able to make it through that unruly traffic.” Dr. Tyrell assured.

Sansa nodded, “Yes, let’s hope.”

Dr. Tyrell gave a small smile before exiting the room, leaving the two sisters.

They had tried to call Gendry four more times since settling in, yet there was still no answer. Arya was beginning to worry and hoped that he would make it. His lack of communication was not comforting, and the last thing Arya needed was the added stress of not knowing where her husband was.

Gendry was never late…for anything, yet he decides that today would be a good day to be.

GENDRY

Gendry was a timid man, for the most part, but now he was keeping true to the nickname Arya had given him. Like a bull, he was forcing his way through the traffic, trying to reach the hospital before his child entered the world. His hand was on the horn more than it was on the steering wheel, and his anger flared anytime someone decided to cut him off.

“Gendry, brother, maybe you should slow down? The last thing you need a speeding ticket.” Mya tried to reason with him, but he was unstoppable.

“Mya, I have to get to the hospital. Arya could be giving birth as we speak!”

“Okay, she’s not. I just texted Sansa, and the doctor puts her at about eight centimeters. I’d say we have an hour or two tops before she ready to push, that is if she is progressing normally. But if she’s progressing faster than normal then…”

“Then what?”

“Then maybe ten or fifteen minutes.”

“Shit!”

ARYA

“Where is he!” Arya exclaimed. She was becoming increasingly paranoid, and it did little to help her current situation.

“I told you he is on his way. Mya said they should be here in ten minutes.” Sansa said calmly from across the hospital room.

“Sansa, I’m not sure I have ten minutes. I am eight centimeters, probably nearing nine. I can feel the pressure and I’m sure I will have to push here soon.” The tears began to stream down her face, and she was sure she looked like a blubbering idiot. This shouldn’t have made her emotional, but between her missing husband and the impending birth of her child, she couldn’t help but let them flow.

“Arya, he will be here, and if not, then I am right by your side.” Sansa crossed the room and bent down to give her sister a hug.

Arya smiled and returned the embrace, hoping that Gendry made his appearance soon.

A ding from Sansa’s phone interrupted their sisterly hug.

Sansa grabbed the phone from the small table and huffed in frustration.

“What? What is it?” Arya asked.

“I’ll be right back.”

“Well, where are you going? Sansa? What’s happening?”

GENDRY

He wasn’t sure how he made it to the hospital in under twenty minutes, but he did. His truck was parked haphazardly and his paces to the front desk were large. Mya was struggling to keep up with him, but he didn’t care. His main goal was to find Arya’s room and be there for his wife and child.

“Excuse me?” He said to the receptionist at the front desk.

She was chatting with several nurses, completely unaware of his presence.

He cleared his throat and said once more, “Excuse me?”

“Yes?” The receptionist asked with a very snooty voice.

“I am looking for Arya Stark’s room number.”

“Name?”

“I just said it was ‘Arya Stark’.” He deadpanned.

The receptionist sighed, “Your name.”

“It’s Gendry Baratheon, I’m her husband.”

“Then why isn’t she under Arya Baratheon?” the receptionist stalled.

“Because she kept her maiden name…look that is besides the point. I need to know what room number she is in. She is about to give birth to our child, and I need to be there.” He said a little frantically.

“Sir, there is no need for hostility. Please be patient while I look her up in my systems.”

Gendry gave a curt laugh, “Hostility? I am not being hostile. If anything, you are the one being hostile! I just need to know my wife’s room number!”

“Sir, please calm down before I call security. Now we have to verify who you say you are, that could take a couple of minutes. So please be pati-”

“Fucking hells!” Gendry yelled as he slammed his fists against the desk.

He grumbled in frustration as he fished his forgotten phone out of his overall pocket. He quickly turned it on and typed frantically on the keyboard, waiting for a reply. A few seconds later and his phone dinged with a response.

“Sir, we need your ID.” The receptionist cooed from the desk.

“Look, I forgot my wallet in the car, but my sister-in-law is coming down and I’ll go up with her.” He assured.

“We cannot allow th-”

“Is there a problem?”

Gendry’s lips curled into a smile as he saw the familiar red flame of hair make her way to the desk.

“Ma’am, please give me a moment.”

“No, you see, this is Gendry Baratheon. Maybe you’ve heard of his father, Robert Baratheon? The famed political power house that nearly became Prime Minster? Or perhaps you’ve heard of my father, Eddard Stark? Councilman of the north? How do you think they would react if I told them that Gendry here had to miss the birth of his child because of silly nonsense?” She smirked.

“I-I, well…”

“Exactly what I thought. Now, please excuse us.”

Gendry smirked and followed Sansa up to the maternity ward, where Arya’s room was now filled with doctors and nurses alike.

“Just in time, Mr. Baratheon. Mrs. Stark here is about ready to push.” Dr. Tyrell smiled.

Gendry smiled and pushed his way through the nurses in order to get in Arya’s side.

“I thought you weren’t going to make it.” She huffed.

“And miss this? You’re crazy.” He gave her a small kiss and prepared to meet his child.

[mahou-queen]

♡52 Weeks of Lolita Questionnaire♡

In a recent Lovely Lor video, Lor answered questions from Loliprompts’ questionnaire “52 weeks of lolita”. It seems like a fun list of questions and I thought I would answer them too~ ♡

1. What is your favorite brand, and why? What’s its history? ♡  I guess my favorite brand would have to be Angelic Pretty. I love a lot of other brands, but the majority of dresses in my wish list right now are Angelic Pretty. As for their history? I don’t really know haha, I guess I should research that a bit.

2. How would you describe lolita fashion to a curious person you met in passing? ♡ I always just say I am apart of a fashion club? People don’t generally require more than that but if they did I would probably tell them that it’s an alternative fashion based on Victorian fashion and we have a fashion club and we get dressed up and meet for tea and stuff.

3. What style do you think is the most underrated, and why? ♡ qi and wa lolita. I almost never see them, or see interest in them which is a shame because there are some really beautiful dresses out there that are suited for these styles.

4. What does the phrase “lolita lifestyle” mean to you, and do you, or would you like to, adhere to it? ♡ lolita lifestyle is when you try to bring lolita or lolita-esque aesthetics into every aspect of your life. Maybe wearing lolita every or most days, and having a very “loliable” home/room. I could never be a lifestyler because I have other fashion interests. Also lolita is not appropriate at my workplace.

5. What do you think constitutes lolita etiquette or good manners? ♡ I don’t believe there is any “lolita etiquette” I think you should just be yourself. Good manner are good manners, don’t be rude to your comm members, don’t dance on the tables at a tea party. But that’s just commonsense I don’t think there is a way to behave that is lolita.

6. Does your style change with the seasons, or do you dress the same and try to bear the cold/heat? ♡ I try, but admittedly I am awful at it. I try to keep berets in the cooler months, as well as long sleeves. BUT I’m a sucker for ankle socks and I wear them all year despite the cold and I do freeze my legs off at winter meets. 

7. Do you have a fashion role-model? What do you admire most about them? ♡ I actually have several! I will list them and their instagrams here: sleepyriri  - Her coords are so dreamy looking, very light floaty aesthetic which I love. She also has her own lolita brand! Le_verger_sucre - Her coords are so pink and princess-y. I find myself sharing her photos a lot. Fannyrosie - the classic lolita queen. Need I say more? Tokimeki.bunny - I love the cuteness of her coords. They always have a lot of extra elements and are so well balanced. She’s also really good at coordinating printed tights which I am awful at. Tsumikko - Lavender QUEEN! I love her use of aprons, layering, and color balancing. Very light, floaty vibes.  Milkcircus - Print QUEEN. Her use of prints and patterns absolutely inspires me. Coords are always very multi-dimensional  Cursed.Kaiser - They’re coords are honestly so cool, there’s a kind of drama in them that I really like. Darkxdelirium - She almost made me want honey cake with her impeccable coording skills. 

8. What are the top 10 things you love most about lolita? Can you also compile a list of things you hate? ♡ I don’t think I can come up with 10 but I’ll do my best. ♡ Loves: The community aspect, the ability to reclaim my femininity through lolita, the creativity that goes into building coords, crafting to make one of a kind pieces, being able to feel beautiful without being “sexy”, having a hobby to focus on when I need something to escape to.

♡ Hates: Second-hand market price fluctuation, brands still releasing dresses with a max 96cm bust, buying petticoats, storing my stuff (especially purses), brands who charge astronomical prices for low quality materials (AP purses, Q-pot jewelry, etc).

9. How strict are you in applying the rules to yourself? To others? ♡  I am pretty strict on myself. For a long time I was terrified to be seen as ita. I was even afraid to wear bodyline for fear of being ”ita” even though my coord was good. These days I am less strict on myself and worry much less about these things, but I still struggle to get out of the strict mindset from time to time. others? I love experimentation even if I am afraid to do so so I am really not too strict on others, if it works, it works, and I am not going to criticize anyone. 

10. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever incorporated into a coord, or the weirdest material you’ve ever worn? ♡ The weirdest thing I think I have ever worn in a coord were a pair of korilakkuma bell earrings. As you can imagine, bells on your ears? not great.

11. What’s the story behind your discovery of lolita fashion? ♡ When I was a senior in high school, a new girl started attending my school. She wore fairy kei and sweet lolita to school. We became friends through art class and eventually she ended up teaching me about the fashion. She sold me my first dress, and later my first brand piece. I am really glad to have met her and to have been exposed to lolita. You can follow her on instagram here

12. What is the one item that you’ve owned the longest? ♡ I still own my very first dress I got in 2012. Bodyline Squirrel Party. However, I am planning to sell it since I’ve worn it in everyway I can think of.

13. Do you think lolita is only about clothes, or does it also encompass a certain attitude or mindset? ♡ Lolita is about the fashion. All kinds of people are lolitas and they like it or wear it for different reasons. 

14. Have you ever decorated a room or other space (car?) with lolita aesthetics in mind? ♡ My old bedroom used to be very “kawaii”. I love pink so my car stuff, my desk, as much as I can get away with, is pink. 

15. Is it possible to be too obsessed with lolita? ♡ If lolita is interfering with your ability to pay your bills, or to be happy, or to focus on school or work or family then you should probably pull back. Some people do get very absorbed by things and in those cases it can become too much.

16. What are you favorite and least favorite trends? Do you think it’s important to follow them, or to do as you like regardless of them? ♡ My favorite trend ever is the chiffon half blouse. So comfortable, affordable, light, cute, and much more size inclusive. Least favorite trend? mis-matched shoes from the 2010 era. I like my shoes to get equal wear. I think these days more than ever, you can really just do whatever you want. Wear the fashion is right now is like anything goes which I think is great,

17. How do you define “lolita cosplay” and how do you feel about it? ♡ Lolita cosplay is stupid. sorry

18. Are there other fashions that you wear regularly, or are you an everyday lolita? ♡ I don't wear other street fashions anymore. I used to wear fairy kei and himekaji but these days I just dress regular outside of lolita.

19. Do you look for bargains to save as much money as possible, or are you willing to make sacrifices for high-quality products? ♡ I try to find the best prices when applicable but if I am in love with something I’ll do what I have to do.

20. When was the last time you wore lolita, and what did you do that day? If you wear it daily, when was the last time you went OTT or extra-fancy? ♡ The last time I wore lolita was in April lmao. For a virtual meet-up with my comm.

21. If you were to combine lolita fashion with an unrelated style or theme, what would your new creation be? ♡uhhhh I honestly have no idea at all. 

22. What is your favorite accessory, and why is it your favorite? ♡ I have 2, 2-way bow clips from back when bodyline had a massive “sundries” section. They're no longer available and haven't been for a long time. I am really glad I got them, I wish I had bought more sundries when that section was still there.

23. What’s your favorite online lolita community or forum? Are there any that you avoid?  ♡ I don’t have a favorite tbh. I have never been on 4chan and I never will be.

24. What is your favorite theme (e.g. school loli, pirate loli, nurse loli) or motif (e.g. deer, music notes, stars/constellations)? ♡ black and gold stars! Valentines day! fruits! gingham!

25. Is there any music that you associate with lolita? ♡ orange caramel lol

26. Will you ever be too old for lolita? ♡  never

27. Do you enjoy sewing? Why or why not? ♡ I don’t know how to sew :(

28. How does your location affect your involvement in the local lolita community? Would you like to move elsewhere to be closer, or perhaps farther away? ♡ I drive about 1.5 hours for meetups because that’s the closest active comm. I do not mind so much. I’d like to maybe be closer.

29. Does your sleepwear resemble lolita at all? ♡  not at all. I sleep in oversized t-shirts

30. Can you admit to any unpopular opinions regarding lolita? ♡ I hate peeking bloomers. I’m sorry :(

31. How do you feel about Visual kei or Jrock, and do you feel it’s related to lolita, or not? ♡ Love it, and absolutely. Visual Kei is like lolitas relative. 

32. Whether or not you wear them (looking at you, Ouji), do you prefer the look of skirts, JSKs, and OPs with or without prints? ♡ I like both, but these days I am appreciating non-printed items more.

33. How has your style evolved over time? ♡ It hasn't really, just gotten more refined. 

34. If applicable, what other communities do you belong to? What other identities do you adopt? ♡ I’m queer, so the LGBTQ community is important to me.

35. What are your favorite shoes to wear with your style, or what’s your dream pair? ♡ I love heels. I do not like flat shoes because I like to elongate my legs. I don’t have a dream pair.

36. Would you, or have you ever, dressed your pets in lolita? ♡ lol I’d try but I don't think it would work.

37. How do you feel about people who wear lolita for Halloween? Does it depend on whether that person is already a lolita? ♡ Wearing lolita for Halloween as a lolita is fine, but wearing it as a costume is kind of meh.

38. Excluding fashion shows, what’s the most amount of outfits you’ve ever worn in a day? ♡ just 1 haha

39. What’s your worst lolita horror story? ♡  I don’t really have any. I one time went with some of my college friends to a con and I left my dorm building in full sweet early in the morning. I was afraid my dormmates would see me cause I did not want to explain but luckily no one was awake and I made it to the van unscathed. 

40. Do you like sweets? If so, what’s your favorite dessert? ♡ I love angel food cake 

41. Do you have any beauty products, health routines, or special diet to keep you at your best? ♡ I take co-q-10 for my eczema, I like laneige lip sleeping mask, especially in the winter.

42. What were the best and worst meetups you’ve hosted? If you haven’t hosted, would you like to someday? ♡ I wanted to host a garden meet this summer but covid ruined that. Maybe next year.

43. Who is your favorite artist? If not famous for lolita art, do you think they have lolita appeal? ♡ I love a lot of artists, some of them I think are lolita-adjacent because their style is kawaii. I’ll list some here: jisaaaa!  ubokhee MISOART_ meowwniz gojio_ hanavbara Fancy Surprise Arcade Healer Yurie Sekiya and many many more. Go stalk my following on instagram for lots of kawaii artists.

44. How do you feel about wigs? Do you wear any, or style your natural hair? ♡ I used to wear wigs, but my hair is too long now so I use my natural hair with fake bangs.

45. What’s your favorite animal motif? ♡ bears?

46. Have you ever visited a brand’s shop/boutique? If so, what was your reaction? If not, what shop would you most like to visit? ♡ I want to visit AP San Francisco 

47. Do you think posting photos of your coord online is a crucial part of belonging to the community? ♡ YES, it’s how we all stay connected and inspired 

48. How has the lolita community changed since you became a part of it? Where do you see lolita heading in the future in terms of community and networking? ♡ I think it’s become way more accepting and accessible. When I got into lolita there were virtually no legit resellers, the community was entirely on livejournal, buying second hand was a nightmare. Buying anything! was a nightmare. There was so much stress around looking “ita”, and the superiority of brand. These days its just not like that. So much amazing taobao brands have really helped even the field for lolita. We have so much more access to the clothes, the community, everything. It’s great. I only see it getting better as years go on.

49. What advice would you give someone who is nervous about starting lolita? Or do you think they should learn their own lessons? ♡ I think too many lolitas today rely on seasoned lolitas to tell them everything. I would say, go watch lovely lor, read @lolita-tips and look at other peoples coordinates. Lolita Tips tumblr taught me basically everything I know back in the day and it a wealth of info and concrit. Part of what makes the lolita journey so great is the research, the learning, the mistakes. You don’t wanna be like someone else, you wanna be you. So you really need to do the work yourself so you can put your personal flair into the fashion. That’s when it’s at its best. 

50. What’s your dream dress/garment? Is it a faraway goal or have you obtained it? ♡ My dream dress was AP sweetie violet jsk in lavender. Which I got in 2019. My new dream dress is AP rose tea garden jsk in navy. It’ll probably be a while before I can afford to buy one.

51. How do you feel about the stereotype that lolitas are full of drama? What’s the worst drama you’ve ever witnessed or been involved in? ♡ I think any and all groups of people are bound to have drama. I don’t believe that’s specific to lolita at all. I personally have not been involved in any lolita drama.

52. Are you loyal to any particular makeup brands? ♡ I am very particular about my makeup because I do not like to use certain ingredients. I really like Pacifica. But I also like some Korean brands like The Saem, MISSHA, and TonyMoly.

This was super long but I had fun answering all the questions. Have you done this questionnaire? I’d love to see your answers~

[hilarieburtonmorgan]

MORNINGS WITH HILARIE BURTON MORGAN AT MISCHIEF FARM

In the series ‘Mornings With’, we begin a new day with inspiring talent in film, television and media, in an equally inspiring place in New York. ROSE & IVY founding editor, Alison Engstrom sits down and chats about morning routines, exciting projects and what inspires them and drives them to be their very best. Given the current climate, we had to switch gears slightly, but we are beyond delighted to meet Hilarie Burton Morgan at her farm in Upstate New York.

In this day and age, curling up with a good book that transports, uplifts and makes you want to be a better human is vital. In our newest edition of Mornings With, I am incredibly excited to chat with Hilarie Burton Morgan about her debut book, The Rural Diaries: Love, Livestock, and Big Life Lessons Down on Mischief Farm. In this heartfelt and honest work, which is part memoir and part DIY with other life antidotes—hot pepper flakes to keep squirrels out of the garden (genius!), the Burton pickle recipe and how to make dandelion wine—she wants to inspire readers to take a risk. She speaks eloquently about what she had to endure in her early days as an actress, her search for meaning, building a life on a farm, relationship obstacles, grief, fertility struggles, losing herself and then ultimately finding herself. I also talked to her about her morning routines, how she lives her life with intention and the importance of creating a community.

Would you say are you a morning person?

I have always been the kind of person who wakes up in the morning in a good mood. I like potential and mornings are full of potential—I have been that way since I was little. I am absolutely a morning person, however, I don’t get dressed until the afternoon because I cherish the morning. I can get a lot of things done in a bathrobe, so I make my mornings last as long as possible

What’s the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning? 

I have to get my kids going so the first thing I do is I get my son up and make him breakfast, then pack his lunch and then I’ll go and get my daughter up and get her dressed. Then we do school drop off. I am most productive in my morning hours; it’s when I am making my lists and doing the things that require higher brain function, like answering emails, because then I can go into manual labor mode at the end of the day, hunker down and get my work done.

I know that coffee is important to you because you have a section about it in the book—a girl after my own heart! How do you prepare it?

I go through a yearly cycle where halfway through the summer, my sweet tooth kicks in and it’s when I use a lot of creamer, I like putting hazelnut creamer into my coffee that is my guilty pleasure. I also love a good gas station coffee, where it’s like the French vanilla latte— it’s just sugar with some brown food coloring. Then the other six months, I drink it black and as temperatures are starting to warm up, I don’t want all of the dairy and I just like it thin, angry and very, very strong.   At Samuel’s Sweet Shop we serve Partner’s Coffee and we also have a deal with Brooklyn Roasting Company—they created a coffee for us that we are going to be selling on the Mischief Farm website.

“I have always been the kind of person who wakes up in the morning in a good mood. I like potential and mornings are full of potential.”

Do you have a motivating morning mantra or meditation practice that helps to frame your day?

I don’t have a meditation practice; making lists I think is very important for me, it’s something that I have always done. My dad has this phrase that he has had forever, which I talk about in the book. It is: the want to, creates the how-to. If  you want something bad enough, you will creatively think of every way you can get it and how to do it. If you aren’t able to figure out how to do it, and you are like meh, maybe you didn’t really want it in the first place. So going into each day thinking about what I want to do and how am I going to get it is one mantra. And another mantra is, I used to do a lot of student government growing up and one convention had this huge banner with a motto that said: if not you, then who?  It’s one of those universal truths that everyone should probably say, I mean, if you don’t jump on it, who else is going to do it? That’s a call to arms.

Before we talk about your book, how are you and your family doing during this time? Per your Instagram, you have been busy at work sewing masks for frontline workers.

I don’t feel great—I  feel like there's much more that we can be doing. The problem I think specifically with being a mom right now is that we are working, we are mothering, we are housekeeping and trying to do all of these things while trying to be an active member of our community; we aren’t succeeding necessarily at any of them. We are getting by with a lot of these things, but we have to be okay with just getting by right now. There are no wins right now or we have to reevaluate what wins are right now, we have to be very gentle with ourselves and not be judgy. I got mad at myself this morning because I hadn't made masks in four days and I felt like I was letting people down. It’s hard because it’s all I want to focus on—I could churn out like 200 if I could just sit down alone and do it but I have people sending me messages about how to do it or asking me to connect makers with facilities that need things and so a lot of that coordination eats up a lot of time and at the end of the day, I look at my pile of masks and it's not as big as I want it to be. Because it is all unknown, there is no clear directive on what our next best thing is. Right now my daughter is obsessed with Frozen II and it’s been on repeat in our house. There is a song in it The Next Right Thing and I feel like Disney purposefully did this to me (laughs) because it is in my head right now. Do the next right thing, maybe it’s the dishes, the laundry, or making a mask. 

Congratulations on your first book The Rural Diaries! It’s wonderful—you speak so eloquently about love, loss, growth, grief, happiness, ups and downs in a relationship, losing yourself and finding yourself, with so many other real and raw emotions that are very relatable.  What was the process like and did you always want the book to be so honest?

I honestly set out to write a book about the farm and to encourage people to take risks. As I sat down to write it, I was pregnant with my daughter, I started it two months before she was born and then wrote it until last May. It took me a long time, especially the editing process of making sure that everything made sense and was accurate. I was very precious with it. That said, I didn't set out to write something that was so oversharing but I think that in order to encourage people to take big risks, I needed to admit the things that I had done wrong and to admit my vulnerabilities, my insecurities, because I am a deeply insecure person, and that’s not a bad thing, it just means that I care. So I felt like a fraud writing oh, this is my farm and aren’t my flowers pretty, kind of book.  So much effort went into cultivating this lifestyle and it felt cheap not to acknowledge it.

“ I don’t want to be a person who mindlessly does things. I don’t want to coast because I think it’s a disservice to people who I have lost. If I am not taking advantage of every single day, it’s an affront to the loss. ”

As I was reading it, you could feel your blood, sweat and tears and all of  the work that went into making a home and also your DIY spirit. I love that the bigger picture, as you said is to take a risk. If you stay in your comfort zone your whole life you will look back in 20 years and be disappointed that you didn’t even try.  Would you say that it was the biggest leaf of faith you’ve taken?

I would say it was the biggest gamble because I am not near my old support network, there was no family or friends here. It was me and my son in a cabin. Jeffrey (Dean Morgan, Hilarie’s husband) was coming back and forth from work and we were trying to figure out how we were going to create a life up here. You put your energy into your priorities right and a lot of people make work their priority. What we are discovering in this current situation is that maybe what’s going on in your home could be a bigger priority. Let’s make healthy circles, work might be an outer circle and home is an inner circle. Now we have this amazing support network because we made connecting with the people in our town a priority. It’s  paying off specifically right now because we are so interconnected and we can take care of each other in a lot of different ways.

What I loved so much about the book is that it feels like your heart, mind and soul lined up when you found where you belonged in Rhinebeck, New York. It was like a moment of grace.

I remember being a little girl and we weren’t allowed to go to other people's houses or have friends over. I was one of a lot of kids—I have three younger brothers—and it was like, play with each other! I’d hide out in my room all day and just daydream. I was a huge daydreamer and a big reader; in my mind, I had this idea of what my adulthood would be. It involved caftans, a lot of beads, books, crazy hair and this pastoral lifestyle. There was this character in the movie Tammy and the Bachelor—it’s this Debbie Reynolds movie and there was this old spinster aunt who was super eccentric and wanted to paint cats and I was like that sounds great. So living a lifestyle that was a little bit outside the norm was always something that was appealing. And when I came to Rhinebeck it was like walking  into the backlot of a Hollywood movie studio, it was beautiful. Everyone knew each other and it felt like a club that you wanted to join, like when you get into high school and you say, I want to be a part of that club. I wanted to be a part of it, so I made it a priority to get to know people and offer up help. When there is a charity event, it's like, what can I do? It feels nice to have the family that you choose for yourself.

What was it about the acting world that lured you in? Would you say you were a natural performer?

I had been doing theater since I was eight. I asked to be put in classes when I was four or five—I was very articulate about wanting to be a performer as a child. My parents, God bless them, gave me every opportunity they could afford. I did all of the local and regional theater in Virginia. They would get off work and spend all night taking me to rehearsals. They would drive me up to New York once a month so I could audition. We would rent a car, it was a big deal. I did a lot of professional theater as a kid so that was always there. My decision to go to college in New York was solely based on wanting to be where the opportunities existed. I just applied to every school  in Manhattan and went to the one that gave me the most money. I love the city because there is so much kismet in it, when Manhattan feels like a small town, it’s magical. I’ll run into people from like 20 years ago who I worked with at MTV.

“I honestly set out to write a book about the farm to encourage people to take risks.”

In the book, you talk about how you were very disappointed when you left One Tree Hill. later in the book, you revealed what you had to endure on set.

I was so disappointed that I got everything that I wanted and it was just so toxic, there really isn’t any other way to describe it. I am very good friends with the cast of that show and I am very good friends with so many crew members of that show but there was an overarching toxic thing. When it’s your first job, you assume that every other job will just be more of that, I was exhausted by that and really second guessed my life. It wasn’t until I got my next big job on White Collar, where I saw what it was supposed to be. I saw what leadership was supposed to look like, how people were supposed to be treated and how your boss can be an ally, as opposed to someone terrorizing you the whole entire time. I remember joking and telling a group of the writers some horror stories of One Tree Hill and laughing about it, saying, oh my gosh and you wouldn’t believe it and I remember them stopping me as a young women, I was 27, and saying, it’s not supposed to be like that and we are so so sorry that happened to you. I was so embarrassed that someone had to take me by the shoulders and tell me that. It set the bar very high for future jobs. When you get the right baseline, it’s all very manageable and fun. I love doing what I do but there was a period of time where I was so scared that what I had imagined this industry was didn't exist.

It definitely made me prioritize my personal life over my professional life. Because in my professional life, specifically on that job, I was told, you are so wonderful! You are the best! You are the best actress, the prettiest, the most talented. I was the one going out and doing all of the press, doing all of the interviews and engaging with all of the sponsors—I played the game hard for that show, because I thought that they loved me but when I raised my hand and said that there was some really bad stuff going on here, it was all of a sudden you are disposable, you don’t matter to us, we can replace you.  So I knew that I had to create something real in my life so that that work thing couldn’t touch the core anymore. It derailed me, it was like a really bad divorce.

While renovating your home you said, “Even with all the blood, sweat and tears. I felt like I was coming back to the truest version of myself.” It’s a great metaphor of how you were also rebuilding how you felt inside. 

I think that manual labor is very important for self-esteem—being an actress you are treated like you are a little idiot. If you have input of what your lines should be or how you want to wear your hair, your costume or what props you want, in good work environments there is collaboration, in toxic work environments there is eye-rolling, it's like oh, you little idiot, stay in your lane—-just hit your mark, say your lines and go home. So doing tangible work, where I could be in total control and that I controlled the end product was so good for my self-esteem and my self-worth. To this day, I still revert back to that. I just ordered five gallons of paint that got delivered yesterday because I feel so out of control in the midst of this pandemic and what I can control is the color of my living room walls. So when my children go to bed at night, I will be painting my living room. 

“It’s very important that our children witnessed us dividing and conquering and playing to each other’s strengths and championing each other’s strengths.”

You talked about how your friend Scott’s death affected you and that you wanted to “Wake up intentionally. Work intentionally. Eat intentionally. And rest intentionally.” I love that.  What does intention mean to you today?

I lifted that whole passage from a journal that I kept right when Scott died. When I set down to write the book, I pulled out my journals from the last 20 years and put them all out and that specific section, I wrote the week after he died. I still want to live by those words. I don’t want to be a person who mindlessly does things. I don't want to coast because I think it’s a disservice to people who I have lost. If I am not taking advantage of every single day, it’s an affront to the loss; it’s being hyperaware. I can’t live up to that every day, no one can, but if we can manage that like three to four days out of the week, that’s good.

You talk about the moment that you pivoted, after you experienced your first miscarriage, you said, “My grief was making me someone I hated.” You channeled that loss into helping others by volunteering at the Astor Services for Children and Families in Rhinebeck. I love how you said, “In working for others, we found ourselves again.”

I feel safe saying that I am a self-loathing person that stems back to some elementary school drama. Everyone carries some degree of that and everyone deals with it. When I have time to sit there and think about myself and woe is me, I can spiral just as much as the next guy, but when I am feeling that time and putting my energy to where people need it and who are desperately seeking help, affirmation or guidance or physical manual labor. It’s not that I feel better about myself but I feel a purpose out of my own self-loathing. I feel like that becomes a tool instead of a liability. You have to use the tools that you have. My self-loathing allows me to rally the troops in town, or put on a show or paint some walls.

So many women are going to relate to your journey to conceive. My heart was breaking for you as you lost your first and then second baby. Was it hard to reflect back on that part of the journey for the book or was it therapeutic?

I needed to write the book that I needed to read when it happened. The narrative with miscarriage is that women are just getting to be open to talking about it, men haven’t reached that yet. James Van Der Beek is one of the only men, who I know, who has spoken on the subject. There was no way for me to know what was going on with my husband and how he felt about my infertility or our losses because the language wasn’t there. Men aren’t allowed to mourn that way, they are expected to be strong and just help me get through it—it’s their job to make sure that I am okay. A girlfriend gave me a book called Vessels: A Love Story by Daniel Raeburn that was written from the male perspective, without Jeffrey even having to come out of his shell, or his garage where he had been hiding out, all of a sudden, I had this guide book for what he was dealing with and it very much softened my perspective. What I wanted to put into the world was for the couple who perhaps was having trouble and that celebrity narrative of oh, this brought us closer together is making them feel like a failure, the same way that it was making me feel like a failure. I wanted them to know that it is perfectly alright for you and your partner to have two different sets of needs in the midst of trauma and it doesn’t mean that you are doomed or aren't destined for each other, it just means that maybe you have to walk two separate paths for a minute. But that doesn't mean you aren’t going to meet back up. I needed people to know that was okay. There wasn’t a lot of information telling me that it was okay.

I love discussing the subject of fear with people because it can often play such a big player in someone’s life. In the book you wrote, “There is an absolute moment of freedom when you realize that the things that used to scare you have no power over you anymore.” I underlined that about three times. Is there anything that makes you feel fear today that you are working to rise above? 

I have to set new goals for myself—I have said out loud I want to direct. I think it’s important to grow female talent in whatever industry. There is this expectation that you become an actress when you are 20 and you just stay an actress for forever, whereas for men, there are a lot of opportunities for them to direct, produce. create and all of that. I would like to grow in that aspect, I mean I am nervous about it because I don’t know if I’ll be any good. I feel like I have been in the business for a long time and I think I am very comfortable in this current stage because I got what I said I wanted, I got my baby and the farm is becoming a well-oiled machine, so then it becomes what types of stories do I want to tell. I want to write another book, so I am thinking about what’s the next book going to be. The fiction book is always there and I have so many short stories, but because you bring it up, the thing I am most scared of is putting fiction out there because it’s something that I have written my whole life for me and the idea of having it scrutinized is terrifying.

“...it is perfectly alright for you and your partner to have two different sets of needs in the midst of trauma and it doesn’t mean that you are doomed or aren’t destined for each other, it just means that maybe you have to walk two separate paths for a minute. ”

What was the process like of creating the book? 

I spoke with a bunch of different publishers and I cannot praise Harper One enough. The second they got my book and my sample chapters, they were like, this is a feminist book. It was a boardroom full of women and they let me pick everything. They let me art direct it and pick every little piece of it because they wanted me to love it—what an amazing partnership. I didn't anticipate that I would be given that freedom. I cannot wait to write another book for them.

In addition to everything that you do, you also help run Samuel’s Sweet Shop, a joint endeavor in Rhinebeck. What’s been one of the biggest lessons you have learned about running a business?

I was very very lucky in that our business partners Andy Ostroy and his girlfriend Phoebe Jonas and then Julie Rudd and her husband Paul have all brought such different skill sets to the endeavor. Andy has had a marketing company in Manhattan for years so he understands business in a way that I don't necessarily do. Julie was a PR executive and knew what we needed to do to create the brand and I was the one who really wanted to do the manual labor part of it. I wanted to be in the shop and touch everything and make it pretty and aesthetically pleasing. It’s very important that our children witnessed us dividing and conquering and playing to each other’s strengths and championing each other’s strengths. I don’t have any illusions that I am good at everything but I have friends who fill in my gaps.

You are currently co-hosting and producing Night In With the Morgans on AMC and have a recurring role on NBC’s new show, “Council of Dads.” What factors have to come into play before you sign onto a new project?

That’s my kismet job. I had a public falling with a former employer because they weren’t as interested in telling as diverse of stories as I did. I just stopped working with them and it was a paycheck I wasn’t getting. I put out into the world that I wanted to tell more diverse stories and then a girlfriend of mine, Tara who I share the same birthday with and who I reference in the book, we were talking about what we wanted to do for our collective birthday that year and I said I wanted to go to Savannah because I had never been. Three days later, I got a phone call and they said, Hilarie, you got to get on a plane, there is this job waiting for you in Savannah, which was Council of Dads. This show is a beautiful showcase of what family, love and connectivity can be. Even though we shot it  pre-pandemic, I cannot think of a better project to put out into the world right now. It feels really weird to be promoting anything right now, knowing how much hurt and anxiety people are feeling, but I feel very comfortable in pointing people in the direction of that show because I feel like it’s a big warm hug.

[insomnihan]

han’s Entire Thoughts and Feelings on Red Velvet’s “Psycho”

GUESS WHOS BACK

ITS TIME FOR ANOTHER THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS POST BY YA BOI HAN™ AT THE REQUEST OF LITERALLY NO ONE IVE BEEN WAITING ANXIOUSLY FOR THE FINALE OF THEIR REVE FESTIVAL I HAVE THINGS TO SAY

there are no read mores here so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

ALRIGHT SO-

THE SONG so i watched this at like one (1) am and honestly first impression...................... i was a little underwhelmed???? i HATE to say that yall ESPECIALLY about red velvet who are KNOWN for unique concepts and sounds but INITIAL IMPRESSION WAS LEGIT ‘MEH’ pls dont kill me BUT IT WAS 1 AM SO I DIDNT WANNA PUSH IT OFF I WAS JUST TIRED HOWEVER of course im sitting and listening to it to make this post im focusing in on it and listening to this trap (???) kinda beat and taking in those vocals and like i LOVE the instrumental THE SHTI GOES OFF and that pre-chorus goes hard and their falsettos and high notes are hitting kinda different (irenes its alright thats it thats it thats my comment) tho i will admit the rap is still a little..................... im working through it also the lyrics like i dunno what feeling like a psycho and like????? being in love with someone????? have to do with each other?????? but other than that like zimzalabim and umpah umpah now iM JAMMIN™ WHAT A F CUKONG BOP HONESTLY- i am so relieved that they didnt go christmas themed

THE DANCE listen......................... lets get that ‘psycho psycho’ move out of the way we all understand that its YIKES okay i really wish it wasnt there however i wont knock the rest so ill talk about the rest of the choreography without that—I MEAN it really does match the Vibe™ of the song like it doesnt go too hard but its not boring that move during the second half of the chorus with their legs and the choreo for the final chorus AND AFTER THAT is nice to watch like that beginning part when wendy sings was pleasing to my eyes not a lot to say its just Nice™

THE VISUALS BICRH THIS IS WHERE ITS AT I LOVE HOW THIS VIDEO LOOKS like the Aesthetics™ bicth it popped off in this i love experiencing halloween during christmas- ITS NOT A BAD BOY OR PEEKABOO BUT IM GLAD WERE BACK TO THIS VELVET THEME LIKE THAT ONE ROOM WITH THE BLUE AND WHITE THEY DANCE IN AND THAT DRESSING ROOM AND THE SEWING ROOM THAT SET UP WENDYS IN FRONT OF THATS ALL COLORFUL THE SETS JUST CAME FOR MY HEART AND MY THROAT AND YKNOW WHAT I ACCEPT IT

NOT GONNA PUT INDIVIDUAL BULLET POINTS FOR THIS I LIKE ALL OF THEM-

T H E M

HEY!!!!!!!!!!!! LISTEN!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU BEAUTIFUL WOMEN!!!!!!!!!!! WHO SAID YOU COULD LOOK THIS GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT SHOULD BE ILLEGAL TO LOOK THIS GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!! THERE IS NOT ONE (1) LOOK IN THIS MV THAT I DISLIKE ARE YOU KIDDING ME THEYRE REALLY GONNA DO THIS TO ME IM GOING THROUGH IT DID I MENTION I LOVE LACE AND DARK LIPSTICK-

OKAY ORIGINAL VISUAL IRENE I SEE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOOKIN LIKE A SWAN AND S HTI IM NOT EVEN MAD AT IT BC YOURE IRENE- that black and white outfit with the lace gloves.................... pls and then the white dress in the sewing room and on top of that she just got that glare and gaze that murders- im so exhausted at this Goddess™

we already know like seulgi ALWAYS looks good its NOT EVEN A QUESTION OR EVEN A DOUBT the 1. black sequin outfit with her shoulder length hair 2. black outfit with the lace sleeves and her hair buns those two (2) specifically PLEASE SHUT THE HELL YOUR MOUTHS WHY HER VISUALS GOTTA HIT LIKE THAT™!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THANK GOD FOR WENDY THEY FINALLY TREAT HER RIGHT IN STYLING HER I SWEAR- first of all THAT BLUE ONE WITH THE PURPLE JACKET CAN WE TALK ABOUT IT????????? BRUH and then that dress when she was standing on the stairs??????? HELLO?????? listen the blonde i need a minute to gather my thoughts im dying-

JOY PLEASE IM SOOOOOO TIRED i usually dislike bangs but ill let it slide shes Sexy Dynamite™- the black sequin outfit with the tassels or whatever the fcku and her hair is wavy and that white dress and her hair is up and LASTLY that blue dress with the pink gloves............................ im done................ one word: Expensive™

isnt yeri just the Prettiest™????????? like for real???????? like her white dress with purple and her braids she looks like a princess like im swooning- i want to see more of that pink (???) one in the dressing room pls AND THEN that black two piece iS EVERYTHING SHE LOOKS SO GOOD HELLO MISS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LIKE it came out at such a weird time to be honestill be real with yall i dont think ill listen to it very much like as CATCHY as it is the word psycho gets thrown around like nothing and thats just ://///////////// rubs me the wrong way yknow or like this word along with those lyrics also rubs me the wrong way but like if it come on like shuffle or something on my spotify (bc my bicth ass just has the free one) i wouldnt skip it is that weird to say??????? i dunno its really confusing to like this song buT ANYWAY-

IN CONCLUSION: HEY NOW WELL BE OKAY ITS ALRIGHT A BOP™

[shirtlesssammy]

8x22: Clip Show

Then:

Cas almost gets hit on by Dean 

Now:

Lost Creek, Colorado

A couple are at a cabin in the woods, and the woman is so happy that her boyfriend finally joined her. He acts like it’s no big deal but we flash back to a memory —specifically of Supernatural season 1, episode 2: Wendigo. He’s Tommy and has some serious PTSD from the terror he experienced that night in the woods.

He thinks he hears a growl and pulls his girlfriend away from the window. He knows that a Wendigo is outside and pulls out a flare to take the unseen monster out. He crumples to the floor and then just explodes right in front of his girlfriend. Eeerp.

At the bunker, the brothers continue to find records that the Men of Letters have kept over the years. Sam’s not doing so well due to all the Trials. He’ll feel better once they finish them.

Cas shows up in the war room, and it appears that Dean and Cas didn’t follow the golden rule of not going to bed angry. Dean doesn’t even acknowledge the angel. Cas is still convalescing. He sits down to talk with Sam a bit about the trials. Dean comes back with food for Sam—well, jerky, beer, and peanut butter cups. 

Cas offers to go with Dean for more food, but still gets the cold shoulder. “I’m sorry.” “For what?” “For everything.” Classic DeanCas, lol. (Brb, off to throw myself off a cliff.) Oh wait there’s more, Dean calls out Cas with the whole bolting with the angel tablet and adds, “You didn’t trust me?” 

THESE BOYS ARE NOT IN LOVE:

Cas is contrite but Dean is not accepting his apology. Sam stays out of it all for a bit but interrupts eventually to pull Dean aside to make it clear that Cas is one of the good guys. What’s that saying? Dean’s harder on Cas because he loves him the most? Well, meh, I do like their later seasons of grumpy banter more than the divisiveness of right now.

In any event, the brothers head to a storage room. 

Sam wants to find a case that their records mentioned. He finds the box, and Dean finds a dungeon! Sam’s box contained a movie film.

They set up the movie (They even made popcorn, guys!)

It’s an old black and white film of the Men of Letters. Josie, the woman that Abaddon possessed, is filming the experiment. They have a demon captured in the very dungeon the Winchesters just discovered. They throw holy water on the demon, recite an incantation at it, and then one priest cuts his hand and presses it on the demon. It flares out, apparently gone. The film stops. It was weird (!!!) One of the priests is still alive and Sam thinks it’s a good idea to get the lowdown on what they just watched on the film. Cas wants to go too but Dean won’t hear of it. (Brb, flinging myself off another cliff. DO NOT LIKE.)

Cut to the brothers meeting with the priest. He tells them that the other priest believed that demons could be saved. He thought that they could cure the demon and they could be a normal human soul again. There were other experiments after that one attempt, and then the priest ended up dead a couple months later. Something had torn him apart. Sam tries asking about records but goes into a coughing fit, complete with blood. He heads to the bathroom while Dean continues to talk with the priest. The priest agrees to give them the other priest’s papers.

Meanwhile, Cas is on a mission to make up with Dean. He’s at a Gas ’n Sip and pulling all the essentials to make Dean like him again.

Ways to woo Dean Winchester:

Beef Jerky

Porn

TP

Beer

Protein

AND Smiting the sap who can’t provide the pie

Cas almost smites the poor attendant. Metatron interrupts. They need to talk.

He wants to talk about Heaven. It’s apparently a mess up there without the archangels. Naomi isn’t in charge as much as she’s led Cas believe. Cas blames himself for everything that’s happened in heaven. (URGH, no! —I mean, yeah, but NO). Metatron thinks they can buddy up and save the day! They can sort everything out. First, they need to shut down Heaven. Then he mentioned crepes and flies away.

At the bunker, Sam can’t find Cas. Dean doesn’t care (URGH, no!) They decide to watch the last audio recording before the priest died.

Once again, there’s a demon in chains. This time, the priest injects the demon with purified blood. He continues to do this 8 times. And the demon seems to be cured. 

They decide to try the experiment out on their own decapitated Abaddon.

Meanwhile, Cas flaps over to Metatron’s brunch location, a cute restaurant with an outdoor patio overlooking the water. It’s a perfect place to relax!

Iconic dialogue alert: 

Waitress: Cool coat.

Cas: No, it's actually quite warm.

Waitress: Cute and funny. Okay…

Metatron: I should have picked a better looking vessel.

You’re not here to accidentally flirt with the waitstaff, Castiel! Cas asks for clarification on Metatron’s quest to close the gates of Heaven. Metatron waves it away as just another godly safety switch - you’ve got one for leviathans, demons, and Heaven, of course. Metatron tells Cas that it’s time for a heavenly lock-in to work out all their feelings. And he needs Cas, the warrior, to do it. Cas owns to feeling responsibility for the current state of Heaven but recoils when he hears the first trial. He’ll need to cut out the heart of the cute waitress, the sole nephilim on earth. (Pronounced in this episode as neph-IL-im.) “What’s more important?” Metatron asks. “Her life? Or your family?”

With season 9 under my belt, I watch Dean and Sam sewing Abaddon’s head on with particular horror. Like, you took on the Mark of Cain to defeat her, Dean Bean. Which led to a whole bucket of depression and sad men. Nobody likes buckets of sad men. (JK obviously I love it or what am I even doing here?) What a spectacularly bad idea! Still, it wouldn’t be my beloved show if characters were making smart choices. Abaddon wakes up, cracks her stitched neck, and greets them with “Morning, sunshines.” 

“I can’t wait to tear out those pretty green eyes,” she says, lovingly. The Winchesters smirk, drawing her attention to her handless state. (They chopped off her hands - or maybe just left them detached.)  “I’ll stump you to death,” she says and...that’s the spirit, Abaddon! She knows about the priest and his work curing demons. In fact, she was a special dispatch straight from Hell to make an example of him. The priest led her to Josie and possessing Josie helped her dismantle the entire Men of Letters network. Yeesh. 

The phone rings. It’s Crowley! Abaddon is appalled to learn that Crowley is the King of Hell. Dean and Sam leave the room to talk to Crowley and FOR THE LOVE OF GOD BOYS they leave Abaddon alone. 

Outside, the Winchesters chat with Crowley. He directs them to some news stories, “sexts” them an address, and bids them farewell. They discover that Crowley’s been putting out hits on people the Winchesters have saved. 

While Crowley’s giving them the news, Abaddon makes like Thing from the Addams family and puppets her hands out of the loosely closed box on the table.

Her hand crawls into her mouth and pries out the demon trap bullet. It’s freedom time, mofos. 

The Winchesters return to find Abaddon gone. You FOOLS! Sam keeps his eyes on the prize, though. Crowley’s latest address is from their “witches and baked goods” case and is clearly a trap. Time to make a play to catch themselves a different demon. 

Prosperity, Indiana

The power’s out in the target’s apartment (and so are the cupcakes! yum!) Unfortunately, Jennie’s body is also out - sticking out of the oven, that is. “You were a great gal, Jennie Klein,” Dean says and...okay? Great mourning, everyone. 

Crowley calls them up again. He’s killing off everyone they’ve saved (and using the books as a reference guide) until they deliver the demon tablet to him. 

Metatron and Castiel stalk the waitress outside her place of work, Metatron goading Cas to make a choice. Urg. It’s just the bad decisions gang all around. She whirls around to confront them and saves them the trouble of introductions. “I could see your halos.” (I start to hum Beyoncé to avoid thinking about this next part.) Metatron calls her an abomination and she begs to be allowed to just live her life. (She apparently works twelve hours shifts as a waitress, for heaven’s sake. It’s not like she’s exploiting her power.) Cas looks disturbed, apologizing even as he advances on her. She throws him across the grounds like he’s nothing and then advances on Metatron. Castiel kills her from behind. Oof. 

The Winchesters race to the next location, only to discover Sarah - the art dealer Sam flirted heavily with several seasons ago. She’s staying in a seriously adorable hotel room, with actual art on display. Dean greets her like he’s just dropped by for a casual visit. OMG Dean. Sam briefs her on the plan. Devil’s traps at all the exits, shotguns, and an exorcism ready to play on loop. We learn that Sarah’s married with a kid. (Sam gets a peek at what-could-have-been.) Sarah tells him that he’s changed - he’s more confident and grown up. She misses the old haircut. Awww… 

Crowley calls and starts counting down and when he reaches zero, Sarah starts to choke. She collapses. “You son of a bitch!” Dean shouts. “Son of a witch,” Crowley clarifies - his mother taught him a few useful spells. The Winchesters start tearing apart the room to try and find a hex bag. Crowley continues his villain monologue: he’s keeping all things hell-related far away from the Winchesters - no more demons getting close enough for them to kill. 

“I think the people you save, they're how you justify your pathetic little lives. The alcoholism, the collateral damage, the pain you've caused – the ONE thing that allows you to sleep at night, the one thing is knowing that these folks are out there, still out there happy and healthy because of you, you great, big, bloody heroes!”

I mean, when Crowley’s right, he’s right. 

Sarah dies. Ugh. UGH. Crowley gives an ultimatum: they stop their quest to close Hell or people keep dying. In rage, Dean hurls the phone across the room. When it breaks, they finally find the hex bag. (Me: But okay she only stopped breathing a minute ago? Start CCR and call 911!)

Back at the bunker, Sam is Not Okay™ and does not respond well to Dean’s attempts to cheer him up. Sam, who continues to look awful and exhausted, suggests giving in to Crowley. “We’ll kick it in the ass like we always do,” Dean insists. Rousing speech, babe. 

We fade to black, with everyone we love on dark paths of one kind or another.

______________________________

I NEED Quotes:

Well, that was weird with three exclamation points.

I NEED pie.

I can't wait to tear out those pretty green eyes.

First things first – what are you wearing?

You’d better find him toot-bloody-sweet. 

I know this is insane, but insane is kind of what we do.

______________________________

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive! 

[lovemesomesurveys]

Have you ever had a bonfire on the beach? No, but I’ve always wanted to.

Are you skilled when it comes to working in the kitchen? Nope.

When was the last time you went to a campground? I’ve only been once when I was about 5.

Do you listen to music while driving? Of course. Is there a movie you currently want to see? I just saw the trailer for A Simple Favor and that looks really good. I’m always down for a psychological thriller. Also, the new Halloween movie is coming out soooon.

When was the last time you hung out with people younger than you? I hang out with my younger bro a lot. What is the closest blue object to you? There’s blue on my water bottle label.

How much did you spend on your last shopping trip? I think about $30.

Do you wish you had a better cellular plan? No, the one we have is good.

Are you good at buying gifts for people? Certain people it’s really easy and then for others I have a little more trouble.

Would you consider yourself to be generous? I feel like I used to be.

Have you ever received an autograph from a celebrity? Yes.

When was the last time you laughed so hard you cried? It’s been a long time since I’ve laughed that hard.

Are you currently studying for your driver’s license? Nope.

Have you ever gone over your cellphone plan by accident? We have unlimited.

Are you in a relationship with the last person you kissed? Nopeee.

Ever done something that at the time didn’t bother you, but it did later? Yes.

Can you honestly say you’ve been drunk before? A few times.

Where did you get your last bruise from? I don’t recall.

Is there a certain color of eyeshadow you prefer, if you wear eyeshadow? I haven’t worn it in so long. I used to like nudes and some colors. Nothing too crazy.

Have you ever been addicted to mints? No.

Are you a person that likes to take chances? No.

Would you consider your life to be great right now? No.

When a friend confides in you with their problems, do you listen? Yes.

Do you have a piece of technology that should be dead, but it’s still going? Hmm. My current phone and laptop aren’t that old.

When it rains, does it put the damper on your mood? I love the rain.

What was the latest you stayed up in the past week? Like 3ish. I haven’t been staying up that late lately.

Have you had an awkward situation with someone recently? No.

Do you always seem to be losing your bobbypins? That always happens and I don’t understand where they disappear to.

When was the last time you found something overwhelming? Oh ya know. Just life.

Going anywhere next year for vacation? We don’t have any plans as of now.

Ever sent drunk texts? Nah.

Do you remember the dream you had last night? No.

How many dresses do you own? I’d say about 5.

Do any of your friends seem like a brother or sister to you? No.

What bothers you more, cigarette smoke or cigar smoke? Blechhh, both. I can’t be around it, it gives me a bad headache and I feel lightheaded.

What do you think of Leonardo DiCaprio? Good actor.

Have you ever seen a movie that messed with your mind? Yes.

Do you look good in hats? Meh. I like beanies better.

Can you see a noticeable difference between DVD and Blueray? I’ve never really compared or took notice.

Is there a song you’re currently listening to on repeat? No.

Are you going to make a mega wish at 11:11 on 11/11/11? Well it’s 2018 now, so. Also, I don’t wish on 11:11 anyway.

Speaking of numbers, do you have a lucky one? No, but my favorite number is 8.

What do you think musical artists who use autotune? I don’t care.

Have you ever held hands with someone for no reason? I hold my pups hand just cause.

Has anything surprised you today? Not so far.

When was the last time you played a video game? Last year.

Have you ever just watched flames from a fire & just thought about things? Yes.

Are there any musical albums coming out soon that you can’t wait for? No.

Have you talked to your significant other today? I’m single.

Have you ever sat down and eaten an entire cake by yourself? Nooo. I like cake, but I can barely finish a piece.

Do you have perfect vision? Nope, hence why I wear glasses.

Is there something you want to buy right now? I’m already thinking about lunch.

Do you know anyone who can speak Gaelic? No.

When it comes to eye color, do you have a preference? I wouldn’t say a preference, but I think blue and green are really pretty.

What was the most unique pet you’ve owned? I’ve just owned the usual kinds, dogs, fish, and a couple of hamsters.

Is your hair currently dyed? Yep.

Has something annoyed you recently? Yeah.

Do you like Doritos? I do.

When you buy clothes, do you always try them on first? Nope. I’m too lazy. I very rarely have an issue; though, so it’s fine.

Have you used bugspray recently? Yeah, when we went to the beach last week.

Do you enjoy swimming in the ocean? No, but I love being close to it and watching/listening to the waves crash in. I’ve gone to the beach a couple times recently and the time I spent doing that was just so relaxing.

Have you ever bitten through your lip by accident? Oh yes. Not fun.

Are you good at coming up with dares? I always sucked at that.

Do you know someone with the last name Brown? No.

Is there somewhere in the world you would never go? Yeah.

Have you ever tried to sew or knit anything? Nope.

Has someone ever told you something that left you speechless? Yes.

Has something ever happened to you that seemed like it was from a movie? I kind of felt like what happened between Ty and I was like one.

Do you find yourself to be a believer in love at first sight? No.

Or perhaps, do you believe that there’s that “someone” out there for you? I don’t feel like there is.

Does money really matter to you? I mean, yeah.

Is there something you want to do, that you swear you will, no matter what? Not that I can think of. I mean yeah there’s things I want to do, but I’m not like “I swear I will no matter what!”

Do you know anyone who is a germaphobe? Yes. I kind of am as well with some things.

Have you ever just laid out and watched the stars? No.

Is there a song that gets you pumped up no matter what? I suppose so.

How about a song that soothes your anger or sadness? I wouldn’t say they soothe my anger or sadness, but I like listening to certain songs when in those moods.

Have you ever cheated at a card game? Nah.

Tell me what colors you’re wearing right now? Mustard yellow with maroon red on the sleeve cuffs and collar and black sweatpants.

Have you ever wandered around drunk with your friend? Yeah.

Are you longing for the day that you’ll be an adult? (If you’re not already) I’m almost 30. I never longed for the day I’d be an adult and I still keep wishing I’d stop. This adult stuff is not for me.

Have you ever felt like your heart actually stopped? Yes.

Are you a fast runner? I’m no runner.

What’s something you’ve vowed to never eat? I’m very picky, so.

What emotions do you associate with the color blue? Sadness.

Do you have a “poker face”? I guess.

Are you good at holding back your laughter if needed? There’s been times where it was a real struggle lol.

Do any of your friends shamelessly burp or fart in public? Noo.

When was the last time you had a good cry? I cry a lot.

Has anyone ever told you they wanted to marry you? I just got a random message from someone who said that lmao.

Is there a soundtrack to a movie that you absolutely love? Hmm.

Do you have a place where you keep your keepsakes? Various places.

Have you ever had a “thumb war” with someone? Yep.

What’s your favorite style of jeans? (Skinny, boot cut, flare, etc) Skinny.

Have you ever owned a diary/journal with a lock and key? Yes.

Do you have trouble sleeping if you sleep anywhere else but home? I just have trouble sleeping regardless. I do get up earlier; though, when I’m not at home.

Have you ever been so unfortunate to suffer from a hangover? Ugh, yes.

Do any of your friends have particularly annoying habits? Everyone has ‘em.

Is there someone you know who can never mind their own business? Yes.

If you need a job, will you take whatever you can get? I’m not able to work right now.

When you were little, what movie did you watch over and over? Disney movies.

Do you rely on caffeine to keep you awake sometimes? It takes the edge off in the morning but doesn’t have much of a jolting effect anymore. <<< Same.

When it comes to tests or exams, are you a crammer? I always was.

Time goes by faster as you get older, don’t you find? Yes.

Have you ever had a panic attack? Yes.

Do you own anything made of silk? Nope.

Is there anyone you know who looks like their dog? lol no. I’ve seen pictures of people who look like their dogs, though.

Are you deathly allergic to anything? No.

Have you ever had a mouse in your house? UGH yes. So gross.

Has anyone you trusted ever backstabbed you? Yeah.

Do you recycle? Yes.

[micycle--wheeler]

It Always Gets Stranger

Mike’s family is going to Maine for the summer. Sometimes, things take a turn for the worst.

CHAPTER 6

read on ao3

read chapter 1, ch 2, ch 3, ch 4, ch 5

words: 2162

warnings: homophobic / racial slurs (Henry Bowers, basically)

BEN Hanscom was a patient person. If anyone was to describe him, that was the word to use.

But when his yearlong friend, Richie Tozier, showed up at the quarry an entire hour late with six more people than expected, Ben’s patience was being tested.

“What the hell, Richie?” was Eddie Kaspbrak’s greeting to the boy, and he smiled sarcastically, showing off his slightly over-large incisors.

“Well ya see Eds, I was busy sayin’ goodbye to your mom and I lost track of the time-”

“Beep beep, Richie,” Eddie and his group of friends chorused, used to the antics of their trashmouth friend.

“What’s with the entourage?” Stan asked from his spot on a nearby rock, which he had taken to sitting on for the last half hour of waiting. The group of silent kids behind Richie shuffled, and Ben watched as a kid with wildly curly hair exchanged glances with a tall black boy.

Said boy spoke up, seeming to take leadership. “We’re friends of Mike, Richie’s cousin.” The boy motioned to another, who looked very much like Richie.

“Well, friends and cousins of Richie, welcome!” Beverly said from next to Bill, flashing a smile toward them. A couple of the strangers reciprocated, the curly haired kid and a girl with brown hair just as wild.

The air fell silent after that as everyone yook in the faces of new, and Ben did as well. There was also a girl with vivid red hair that could rival Bev’s, the long tresses pulled back into a ponytail. Next to the boy who looked like Richie (Mike, Ben was proud to remember) stood a kid with round eyes and a wary smile, his hair framing his face in a flattering way. A bird chirped and Stan’s head turned to the sound.

Surprisingly, Bill was the person to break the awkward silence. He motioned to the redhead’s shirt and asked, “Y-you like Eh-Eh-Elvis?”

She seemed to ignore his obvious stutter. “Yeah, I love him. You too?”

“Oh, I c-can never s-s-st-s-stop lis-listening to h-h-hi-him! The Losers ah-are always ann-an-annoyed at me,” He beamed. “Oh, and I d-d-do-don’t buh-buh-believe I caught your nuh-nuh-name.” She opened her mouth to speak as the curly kid beat her to it.

“She’s Max. I’m Dustin. And did you just call your friends ‘losers?’” Ben noted that some of his teeth seemed to be missing, and he had a slight lisp.

“It’s what we call ourselves,” Ben spoke up, and he felt slightly uncomfortable with so many new pairs of eyes focused on him. “The bullies called us ‘Losers,’ so we took the name as our own.”

“Original,” Max spoke up. “Our bullies just call us—”

Richie cleared his throat loudly, not in a way to get something out of it, but to draw attention to himself. “Uh, hello? Less chatty-chatty, more swimmy-swimmy? Come on fuckers, we’re losing daylight!” Richie strode over to the side of the cliff before anyone could point out to him that they had hours to swim.

“Wait, you’re gonna jump off of that?” Mike spoke up, a shake to his voice. He exchanged glances with Dustin and the unnamed girl, and Ben sensed that they had a story to tell from it.

“What’s wrong, Micycle, ‘fraid of heights?” Then he said quieter, “If he shits himself, it’ll be hilarious.”

“No, I’m not! I just… um… it’s a long story,” Mike defended himself.

“Probably about the diving board to the public pool, amiright?”

“Shut up, Richie. Not the time.” Eddie rolled his eyes.

Bill put a reassuring touch to Mike’s arm. “Do-don’t worry, Muh-Mih-Mike, we’ve all done it be-before. It’s perfectly safe.”

“But—”

“It’ll be fine, Mike. See? Watch.” Max pushed past Richie and took a large leap into the water. Everyone ran to watch her fall, and she let out a “Woo!” as she disrupted the water with a satisfyingly large splash.

“Holy shit!” Richie exclaimed. “That was really hot. Is she single?” Richie cringed away as Lucas punched him in the arm. The unnamed girl shook her head and jumped after Max. “Holy shit, is she single?”

“Beep-fucking-beep, asshole.”

“Aw, come on, Eds. I’m just asking a question you all know you wanted answered.”

Stan shook his head, the curls bouncing along. “Weren’t you hung up on Eddie’s mother ten minutes ago?”

“The past is in the past, Stan-the-Man.”

Ben looked at the others. “Wanna jump?”

Dustin grinned, his cheeks pulled up and his eyes crinkling. “Thought you’d never ask.”

Everyone’s feet left rock and flew through the air into the water, multiple cries of “Holy shit!” and “Woo-hoo!” being shouted into the air.

Ben did a head count, and, coming up two short, he looked back up at the cliff.

Two tiny figures stood, and Ben could see the dark hair and pale skin even from a height like that.

Richie and Mike seemed to be arguing, hands waving and voices carrying down the cliff, although Ben couldn’t decipher what they were saying. Ben saw hands connect a chest, and one of them came flailing down the cliff with a strangled “I’M GONNA KILL YOU, RICHARD!” The second figure followed, and Max gargled on water as she let out a laugh when Mike hit the water.

…

Lots of water-splashing and chicken-fighting ensued after that, and the twelve kids took to lounging on the rocks as they dried off and music from Richie’s boombox filled the air.

“So… what brings you guys to Derry?”

Stan had known about Richie’s family situation, as he had complained to them over and over since he’d gotten the news. He (and the rest of the Losers) had no idea as to why they had come.

“My mom,” Mike had spoken up. “She wanted to visit her sister and my entire family was dragged along.”

“Yeah, and we didn’t want him to be alone all summer,” Lucas elaborated.

“Sorry Rich,” Bev turned to the boy with magnified eyes, “if you have to leave for the summer, we’re ditching you.” Richie glared and everyone cracked a smile.

The air fell silent again, save the boombox blasting one of Richie’s many mixtapes.

“Is it true that Derry has twice the average amount of deaths than the national average?” Dustin burst out randomly, as if he was waiting to pop the question all day. The losers’ heads turned to Ben, knowing he was the library feel out of all of them.

“No, actually. It's six times.” Dustin's eyes widened, like a little kid that got what they wanted for Christmas.

“Totally tubular,” he smiled at Lucas and Max, although nobody else seemed to get the joke.

…

On the walk back, Eddie has a feeling of something being… off. When he asked Bev, she just shrugged, saying, “You always feel like something's off, Ed. I bet it's nothing,” and she pushed his shoulder in a sisterly manner.

“She really think shes gonna come outta that school?” Eddie turned at Stan's voice, his gaze fixed on a lone woman sitting on the steps of the empty school, hopping up peeking through the doors as if waiting for someone who was late.

“What? Who’s ‘she?’” the short boy, Eddie learned who was named Will, wondered.

“Betty Ripsom,” Beverly said to him. “She went missing a few weeks ago. That's her mom over there.”

“It's as if she’s been locked in a janitor’s closet for the last few weeks,” Eddie muttered, looking at the mother who was hiding on to a nonexistent thread of hope that her daughter was lost at school, that's all.

“Do you think they're actually gonna find her?” Stan spoke aloud to the silent group.

“Sure,” Richie started, and Eddie prepared himself for an offensive comment. “In a ditch, all decomposed, covered in worms and maggots and smelling like Eddie's mom's underwear.” Richie motioned to Eddie, who shivered at the idea.

“Shut up, this is freaking disgusting.” Eddie shook his head to rid himself of the image, filled with millions of deadly bacteria.

“She's not dead, she’s mm-meh-missing,” Bill said defensively, glaring at the bespectacled boy.

“Sorry, Bill,” Richie apologized, his extra-large eyes seeming to come into focus as he adjusted his glasses. “She's missing.”

Eddie was surprised. The only other times he'd heard Richie apologize was once to the principal for selling candy from his locker (after his mother forced him to), and once to a streetlight that he thought was a person after he ran into it. It was a thing of Richie's: he just didn't apologize to things because he usually didn't feel sorry.

But of course, Bill was always sort of treated a little like glass since what happened in October… Eddie still remembered the phone call and how Bill had to hand the phone to his mother because he was stuttering so badly.

“They’ll find her,” the curly-haired girl said, and Eddie was startled to realize this was the first time he’d heard her speak. She had a soft voice, and it reminded Eddie of a warm cabin in the woods that he had never been to before. She spoke with a sort of certainty to her voice that made it sound like she knew Betty personally, and had seen her. It was quite calming.

“Should we tell her about the shoe?” Ben was still staring at the mother, who glanced at the group before turning back to the school.

“What shoe? Did you guys find something?” Lucas asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

“W-we were in the ss-sew-sewers yesterday,” Bill explained. “Looking f-for…” he took a deep breath, “no one.”

“‘Looking for no one.’ Wow, that’s not sinister sounding at all.” The redheaded Max shook her head as Lucas nudged her in the arm. She sighed. “Sorry.”

“Is that how you guys spend your summer?” Dustin asked, crunching down a granola bar that Eddie didn’t know how he got. “Inside of sewers?”

Richie was silent for a heartbeat before, “Beats spending it inside of your mother. Ohhh.” He raised his arm for a high-five to Stan, who grabbed it and yanked it down.

“Woah,” Mike said, looking at something Eddie couldn’t see, “Nice car.”

They all turned, spotting a blue Trans Am, and Eddie’s face paled. “W-we should get outta here.”

“Why, Kaspbrak?” a sneering voice spoke. “’Fraid you’ll go missing too?” Eddie turned around, spotting Henry Bowers standing just a few feet in front of the group. How he managed to sneak up on them, Eddie had no idea, and he sometimes wondered if he had the ability to teleport.

Riche let out a choking sound as the back of his shirt was yanked backwards, and he fell spectacularly into Stan, where they both landed on the ground with an almighty “oof.”

A large belch sounded right next to Eddie’s ear, and he cringed away from the sound and the hot breath, gagging as the boy, Belch Huggins, let out a big laugh.

“Knew he was a bottom,” Patrick said as Richie tried to get up off of Stan, and Victor Criss, another one of Henry’s goons, pushed him back down. Patrick kicked Stan in the arm. “Fuckin’ flamer!”

“And who have we here?” Henry said, looking toward Lucas, who had a scowl set on his face. Eddie wouldn’t put it past him that he would punch Henry if he had the chance. “You seem far from home, dontcha, Midnight?”

“Eat shit.”

“Oh, you think you’re all high ‘n’ mighty, don’t ya?” Henry said in that menacing voice of his. “Newsflash, kid: you don’t belong here. Stay out of this town. Or you’ll deserve what’s comin’ for ya.”

“Hmm, what else’ve we got here?” Victor seemed to have snuck up behind Max, and he had a handful of her hair in his fingers. She yanked herself away from him, turning around and stepping on his toes.

“Leave her alone!” Dustin said angrily. Henry’s gaze turned to him, and Dustin’s bravery seemed to melt.

“You seem to be missin’ a couple ’a teeth there, Curly. Shut up if you don’t want to lose some more.”

“Ss-sss-sshut it, Bowers!” Bill said angrily, his mouth seeming to not agree with his words as he spit them out. Henry turned around slowly, that threatening look back in his eyes.

“You suh-suh-say somethin’, Buh-Buh-Buh-Billy?” he strode over to the boy until they were inches apart. “Yeh got a free ride this year ‘cause ‘a your little brother. Ride’s over, Denbrough.”

Eddie knew he was going to do something horrible like he always did, but a police cruiser had rode down the street, slowing down while going by the kids. His father, Eddie thought to himself.

“This summer’s gonna be a hurt train. For you and your faggot friends.” He walked away and toward Belch Huggins’ car, but not before licking his hand and wiping it on Bill’s face.

The kids all watched them ride off.

“Wish he’d go missing,” Richie commented.

“He’s probably the one doing it,” Eddie said thoughtfully.

~~~

@cactus-byers

wanna be tagged? Just ask!

[writingsofadumbass]

Fight Me (Medieval!Jeongguk)

Admin: Sadie :)

Words: 4,429 (woww)

Description: Kicking people’s asses is your specialty, so the only role in life that suited this was to become a knight. Too bad the Head Knight has some--ahem--sexist views on women becoming knights. 

From a young age, you’ve never been the type to be the quotem quote “damsel in distress,” as your wonderful brothers put it. It was quite normal for you to join your brothers and kick their asses when it came to fighting with the wooden swords your father carved for you to beat each other up with. And frankly, it was very entertaining, especially to your parents. 

Your specialty, so to speak, was kicking people’s asses. You took pride in your ability to beat people in literally everything. Whether it was racing on foot, horseback riding, or archery, you could easily out run, out ride, and out shoot your opponent. It wasn’t long before you gained the respect of everyone in your tiny village, when they all realized that you were not the person they expected you were.

Aside from being this badass fighter, you were also quite the respected lady. Your mother had made sure you were somewhat literate, and could hold a respectful poise with ease. You knew how to sew, and could even make your own clothing. And the fact that you could kick ass didn’t stop you from wearing dresses. It was kinda your statement, saying, “I can wear a dress and I can still kick your ass. What are you gonna do about it?”

It constantly confused people both new and old to your village, and you only found that more amusing. What didn’t confuse the villagers was when you signed up for the royal guard to become a knight. Of course you of all people would sign up to train and be a knight. 

Being just a simple knight wouldn’t suffice for you. You wanted something a little more...special. The Head Knight’s personal regime, to be exact. Oh man, just the thought of being in the Head Knight’s presence, fighting by his side in battle, it made your smile wider. 

You had never met the Head Knight, much less seen him. All you’ve heard were stories. He was apparently a brave knight, who had fought by the king’s side in the third battle of Boanock at a very young age. He was brave, and very strong. Skilled in archery, swordsmanship, and hand-to-hand combat, he could take down five enemies at once. This was a man who could jump off of the back of a galloping horse, land perfectly and still take out his enemies. He was spectacular. 

You knew becoming a knight wouldn’t be easy, especially because you were a woman. You had respect in your village, but the outside world was a whole different place. It would take a lot more effort on your hand to gain the respect of your fellow knights. Thankfully, a few veteran knights in your village had put in some good words for you, as well as giving you some good tips that you swore to never forget. Those good words somehow even got you an assessment with the Head Knight to see if you were worthy or not. It was going to be a big change, going from your family’s pharmacy in the village, to the castle, where the royal family lived, where the Head Knight was. 

So here you are, riding on the back of your mare, your sword strapped to your back, making your way to the castle to begin assessment and training. Your village isn’t too far from the castle, just a couple of miles south, so it wasn’t going to be too terribly long of a trip. Regardless, your mother made sure to pack you a big slice of cheese, some bread, and three apples. She always remembered to look after you. 

You smile at the thought of your mother fretting over you before you left for the castle. She had cried a bit before pulling herself together and plaiting your hair for you. She made sure you had all that you needed: your blanket, needle and thread, your sword that your father made for you, a few concealed knives, your hairbrush, and a spare dress and undergarments. All the necessities. 

After a few more hours of riding, stopping to rest, and snacking on the apples, the you can finally see the top of the castle in the horizon, just over a few hills. You breath out a sigh of relief and urge your horse to go into a gallop, anticipation filling you. 

By the time you make it to the castle, it’s about sunset. You know you should feel tired, and that at this point, you’re probably running on adrenaline, but you don’t care. You’re actually here. 

The guards at the top of the gateway towers look down at you and you tell them who you are, making sure your voice does not shake as you address them. They yell back down in acknowledgement and open the gate. Your horse whinnies, and you gently coax her forward and into the castle. 

The castle is bigger than you expected on the inside. The walls are absolutely enormous, spanning at least 20 meters in height and 7 meters in width. There is a small road spanning from the first gateway to the second, and various buildings are neatly packed in between. You can smell bread being baked, hear steel being pounded, and see various people sparring together. The main castle is even bigger. It reaches heights you never knew were even possible to hit, and yet it does. You take a deep breath and urge your horse forward.

You get to the main castle, after a few minutes of looking into the small streets of the front area and the gateway opens for you. Letting out a small squeal of excitement, you enter the main castle. 

A tall, broad shouldered man is standing off to the side, brushing his horse carefully. Your horse nickers in acknowledgement and his horse responds. The man turns his head to look at you, a welcoming look on his face. 

“You must be one of the new knights!” He says, his smile growing. He puts down the brush, gives the horse one last pat, before brushing his hands off on his trousers and walking up to you. 

You dismount your horse and remove your hood, nodding and smiling. “That I am sir.”

A look of surprise graces his noticeably attractive face. “A woman?”

You frown and open your mouth to respond but he beats you to it. 

“Meh, it doesn’t matter,” he says, waving his hand. “What does matter is that badass sword you’ve got there. Who made it for you?”

A smile replaces the frown and you take the sword from your back, looking at it in your hands. “I know right? My father made it for me before I left.”

“That’s so cool!” He exclaims, his smile growing wider. “Do you mind if I hold it?”

You shrug and nod before handing it to him. He runs his hands over the blade and the handle. He gives it a few test swings off to the side before handing it back to you. 

“That is one hell of a sword,” he says. “My sword is most certainly not thi--”

A loud voice cuts him off. “Seokjin! What are you doing and who the hell is that?”

The man, Seokjin, apparently, jumps and turns around before sighing. “Jeongguk, I’m older than you and you call that respect?”

From over Seokjin’s broad shoulders, you see a young man, with simple clothing on and a sword at his hip. His light brown hair is fluffy and looks soft to the touch. He has noticeable cheekbones and very nice legs, you definitely take notice of that. But his eyes are what mostly speak to you. They’re brown and wise and look like they have seen some serious shit, but yet somehow, still have kept their youthful gleam.

“I’ve seen about thirty more battles than you have. I’m fairly certain that demands more respect.”

Seokjin sighs. He turns back to you. “Sorry about that. Jeongguk can be a little shit at times.”

“I’m still here!”

“I know, that’s why I said it.”

You let out a laugh. “Is this how it is here all the time?”

Seokjin shrugs. “Well not all the time, but often.”

Jeongguk comes up beside Seokjin and looks you up and down. Up closer, he’s much taller than you thought, towering over you by at least five inches. You put your sword back in your sheath and return his not so subtle scan of your body. 

“May I inquire as to who you are?” he says, raising an eyebrow at you. 

You raise an eyebrow in return, cocking your head to the side. “The name’s (Y/N). I’m supposed to meet with the Head Knight tomorrow morning for my assessment.”

Jeongguk nods, his eyebrows rising, and glances over at Seokjin. “The Head Knight, you say?”

You smile. “Yes, I’m to be assessed to see whether or not I can join his personal regime,” you say proudly. 

“So you want to join his personal regime?”

“As a matter of fact I do,” you say, taking a defensive stance. “Is there anything wrong with that?”

He holds his hands up in surrender. “No. There’s nothing wrong with that at all. Just asking.” 

Seokjin, after standing there awkwardly for the time of your short but tension filled conversation, takes this as an opportunity to cut in. “So, (Y/N), I’m guessing you’re pretty tired. Why don’t I show you where the barracks are and get you a nice meal?”

You tear your eyes away from glaring at Jeongguk and look at Seokjin. “That would actually be very lovely, thank you.” You smile. “I guess I am a little tired after traveling.”

You nod in Jeongguk’s direction. “If you’ll excuse me, I’ll be going with Seokjin now,” you say as Seokjin takes your horse’s reins and begins to lead her away. You jog off without letting Jeongguk say a proper goodbye to you and catch up with Seokjin. 

“Sorry about him again,” Seokjin says, leading your mare into a stall. “He’s not really used to meeting women who want to join hi-the Head Knight’s personal regime, much less become knights.”

“What exactly does Jeongguk do here?” you ask, going to help un-tack your horse. 

“Well, he’s a knight,” he replies. He loosens the reins and moves to take them off. “He’s actually a very well respected knight around here. I’m sure soon you’ll find out what role he has here exactly, though. You might run into him more than expected, just a fair warning. Although I’m sure you can handle him. He’s a bit stubborn and determined.”

You heave the saddle off of the horse’s back and place it on the stall door. “Yeah, he seems pretty harmless to me. I mean other than the sass and over confidence that oozes from his very being, he doesn’t seem too hard to deal with.”

Seokjin chuckles and hangs up the reins on a hook on the wall. You give your horse a quick brush to smooth down the fur that had gotten messed up in the process and swing your bag onto your shoulder. You look up at Seokjin, who moved to the door of the horse stall. He smiles and waves at you to follow him. 

He leads you to a cozy looking stone building. You can smell bread being baked and a stew being cooked from inside and your stomach growls. Suddenly you remember all you ate in the past 12 hours was an apple and a few bits of cheese. You sheepishly glance up at Seokjin, who merely laughs and guides you into the house.

It’s even cozier than you thought on the inside. With the fresh smells of food being made and a warm fire keeping the inside toasty and warm, it was like walking into a dream. You let out a sigh of relief and relished in the wonderful smells and warmth. 

“Seokjin!” A kind voice startles you from your reverie. You look over to see a man with big eyes standing behind a counter, a knife in his hands and a pile of freshly chopped vegetables sitting beside him. He gives a smile to Seokjin before moving his eyes over to look at you. “Who’s this?”

You open your mouth to respond to him, but Seokjin beats you to it. “This is (Y/N), she’s here to be a part of the Regime.” 

You nod and shoot him a kind smile. He gives a smile to you in return and it kind of startles you of how beautiful this person is. He’s got heart shaped lips, and big, deep brown eyes. He’s wearing an apron over simple clothing and you can tell he has some nice arms. 

“I’m Kyungsoo,” he says, and gestures to his apron with another charming smile. “The castle’s head chef, if you can’t tell.”

You let out a laugh. “I could have sworn you were the castle’s blacksmith.”

He looks down, a laugh escaping his lips and leans on the counter. “I’m flattered. Jimin is known to be quite attractive around here.”

You stifle a laugh. Yeah, you can tell that you and this Kyungsoo fellow here will be great friends.

“So, Kyungsoo,” Seokjin says, smiling at your interaction. “Got anything good for (Y/N) here? They just arrived and from the way their stomach was growling before we entered, she could use some food.”

Kyungsoo wipes his hands on his apron and makes his way to a pump. “Of course. Do you have anything particular in mind?”

He washes his hands off and dries them before turning back to you and looking at you expectantly. 

You shake your head. “Not really, whatever you have is fine. I’m not too picky.”

“I just made some stew and fresh bread if you’d like some of that.”

“That would be very nice actually.”

Seokjin looks between the both of you and yawns. “Hey Kyungsoo, after you finish feeding (Y/N) here, would you mind showing her to where she will sleep?”

Kyungsoo shrugs and then nods. “Sure, might as well. You go on and get some sleep Seokjin.”

“Thanks, buddy,” Seokjin gives one more polite smile to him before putting his hand on your shoulder. “Don’t be scared of Kyungsoo here, he’s a sweetheart.”

You chuckle and nod. “I’ll try not to have nightmares of him thanks.”

With a wave of his hand, Seokjin exits the hut, leaving you and Kyungsoo alone. 

Kyungsoo walks over to the steaming pot and stirs it a couple of times with a wooden spoon. “I don’t usually get the honour of sharing my dinner with anyone. I typically just make some for myself and eat it alone, but this is a pretty nice change.” He gestures over to you. “Do you mind stirring this for a little bit while I cut the bread?”

You nod and walk over to the stove, taking the spoon from him and continuing stirring the pot. Kyungsoo grabs a knife and slices the bread, before grabbing two bowls and spoons for the both of you. He takes over the stirring before spooning the steaming stew into the bowls. He hands one to you and gestures for you to take a slice of bread. He leads you to a table and you both sit down.

 You spoon some of the stew into your mouth as Kyungsoo looks at you expectantly.

 “Holy fuck this is good,” you say, giving him a thumbs up. He laughs and starts to eat his own stew. 

“That’s a relief,” he says, ripping a piece of his bread to dip in his stew. “I was afraid you wouldn’t like it. 

“Honey, from how good this place smells, do you honestly think that I wouldn’t like it?”

For the next thirty minutes, you and Kyungsoo spend time getting to know each other. You learn he’s from a village not far from your home and came to the castle as a servant for the king. He had always had an interest in cooking, and as the king started noticing his interest, he gracefully allowed for Kyungsoo to start training in the kitchen. He’s been working in the kitchen ever since, and the king never once regretted his decision. 

Soon, it was pitch black outside and you let out a yawn. You didn’t realize how tired you are until it all catches up to you. 

“Oh, shit, you’re probably exhausted,’ Kyungsoo says, noticing your eyes drooping. “I don’t know how it completely slipped my mind. Here, let’s find your room.”

You gratefully let him take your empty bowl from you and help you up. He places your bowls in the bucket next to the water pump and turns back to you. You swing your bag back over your shoulder. 

“Lead the way,” you say, gesturing to the door. 

He takes the lead and you follow him. He brings you to a building not far from his house and on the edge of the wall. 

“This barrack here is rarely used,” Kyungsoo says. “Probably because it’s too far from the stables. But I don’t really know, I’m not exactly a knight.” He lets out a laugh. “I think you’ll be fine in here. No one there to bother you, or anything. If you need anything, just let me know, you know where to find me.”

“Thanks, Kyungsoo,” you say, grinning. “You’ve been a real help to me.”

He sheepishly scratches the back of his neck. “No problem, it’s nice that I’ve found someone that I click with.”

You nod in agreement. “Well, good night, Kyungsoo.”

“Sleep well, (Y/N).”

_______________________

Morning comes quickly, but you’re too excited to focus on the amount of sleep you got that night. By the time the rooster crows a third time, you’re already washing your face and sword to prepare yourself for the day. Your assessment is with three other people, and it takes place at noon. 

You sit on your bed and polish your sword until it shines. You want this sword to look better than it has ever looked before. By the time you’re satisfied with it, you can see your reflection clearly in the blade. 

You’re busy polishing your knives when you hear a knock at the door that startles you. Putting your knives down carefully next to your gleaming sword, you make your way to the door and open it. Kyungsoo is standing there, a bowl with an egg and a piece of bread in his hands. He hold them to you. 

“I figured you could use some food before you went to the assessment,” he says as you take the food from his hands and nod in thanks. 

“Thank you,” you say with a smile. It was nice to know you’ve made a good friend here already. 

“You better thank me, I snuck out of the kitchen just to give this to you.”

“I assure you this, my dear friend, I thank you wholeheartedly,” you say and give a dramatic bow, making sure to not spill the eggs. He chuckles. 

“I gotta get back to the kitchen, but good luck with your assessment,” Kyungsoo says. “I’m sure you’ll do wonderful.” He gives one last smile before jogging back to the kitchen. 

You giggle to yourself. He didn’t even notice he had flour on his cheeks. 

____________

Noon came around as morning had, quickly. By the time the sun was high in the sky, you had already polished your weapons, brushed your hair and horse, and stretched. You stand in the courtyard, where the assessment was to take place. One of the other three people you were to be assessed with was already there when you got there. He has a kind looking face, one with innocence and warmth just emitting from his very being. He introduces himself as Youngjae. 

By the time the others arrived and you all got acquainted with one another, the Head Knight finally decided to show up. Your heart stops the moment he steps foot into the courtyard. He’s wearing chain mail armour up to his neck. On his head is a mask that covers most of his face, so you can really only see his eyes. They’re a nice brown colour, you notice. 

“As you all are aware,” the Knight begins. “You are here to be assessed on whether or not you are worthy of joining my regime. It’s not an easy task, but if you are determined enough and skilled enough, you will be able to join quite easily. But of course, I don’t just take anyone. I only take the best. Now, let us begin.”

He leads the four of you to a large field, and starts to tell you what will occur and what will be tested. The assessment consists of three different skills you must have. Archery, horseback riding, and swordsmanship. Thankfully, you know you’re good at all three. But what you don’t know if you’re good enough to be a part of the regime. Nevertheless, you try your best in all of the events. 

The Head Knight decides to include a bit of archery in the second skill, horseback riding, so for archery, you are only to make 15 bulls-eyes in a row, doing various stunts, like rolling, or dodging attacks. You make it past the first round quite easily, a little out of breath, but otherwise even more determined to prove yourself than before. 

For the horseback riding, he assesses the bond you have with your horses, and sees how well you can ride. He makes sure you can aim well with both your sword and bow while galloping at full speed. It’s not a simple task, but you make it through. At one point, he tells you to jump off the horse and hit the straw dummy set up. That was a little difficult and you could feel your ankle twisting as you land and go into a shoulder roll to take the weight off of your feet a little. You slice the dummy’s head the second you leap to your feet. 

The third assessment is to be a little more challenging. You are to fight against the Head Knight himself in a duel. Sword to sword, hand to hand. The others all go before you, and you take note of their techniques and study the Knight’s sword style. You begin to notice how unpredictable he is. When you think he will strike up with his sword, he kicks his opponents legs out from beneath him. When you think he will block the attack with his sword, he grabs his opponent’s arm and kicks him back. Just watching the fights make you even more nervous for your own turn. 

After watching the other three barely make it out unscathed, it’s your turn. You take a deep breath and step up to the challenge. 

“Are you ready?” The Knight asks, twisting his sword in his hands. 

“Are you ready?” You raise your eyebrow, challenging him. You can see a smirk in his eyes. 

“Good question, but I’m afraid sass won’t work on me,” he says, and starts walking to you, twirling his sword skillfully. “Now, let’s begin!”

His first strike comes from above, and you quickly dodge and swing your sword at his side. He barely blocks it. 

“Ah, that was a good start,” he says, and twists around swiftly, and goes for your legs. You jump up and try to kick him in the process. Your foot hits his shoulder and he jumps back, a look of surprise in his eyes. You raise an eyebrow at him. 

“I was planning on going easy on you love, but it seems that I don’t need to.”

You let out a growl and charge at him, acting like you’re going for his head.He goes to block your attack, but you twist around at the last second and slam the butt of your sword on his shoulder. But he’s too quick, he grabs your arm and throws you back, kicking you in the ribs in the process. You’re on the ground, clutching your ribs. That was a good attack, you admit. 

He crouches down beside you. “Given up yet, sweetheart?”

You glare up at him before punching him in the nose. He staggers back as you get up, glaring at him determinedly. “Not even close.”

This little dance goes on for a while. He gets you down, makes a jeer, and you get back up with even more fire than before. You’re able to get him a few more times, all unexpected, and at one point you knock him down. 

It’s beginning to get late, the sun is starting to touch the horizon, and sweat is dripping from your body. You’re tired and are starting to get fed up with all of the Head Knight’s bullshit. Funny, just yesterday you were raving on how amazing he was and now you’re calling out his bullshit. It’s funny how things turn out. 

You’re knocked down for the sixth time. “Just give up, sweetheart,” he jeers. “I’ll let you become a stable hand if you just give up.”

“Not on my life,” you swear as you get up, chest heaving. He shrugs and comes after you again. You roll out of the way of his attack and kick his feet out from underneath him. You hear a surprised and pained breath escape his lips as he hits the ground and you can’t help but smirk. He tries to get up and you take that opportunity of him being on the ground to jump on him. You straddle him and his hand goes to punch you. He hits you in the jaw and goes for another hit, but you grab his hand with one hand and punch him with the other. Too bad he has another hand waiting. 

He grabs your hair and flips you both over, so you’re the one who’s below him. He’s straddling you at this point, and you know a certain weak point that will render him in extreme pain for a few seconds. So you bring your knee up rapidly and hit him right in his crotch. For the few seconds where all he can feel is pure pain, you reach up and grab his mask to try and bring him back under you. You are successful, but a part of his mask came off to reveal most of his face. It takes a moment for you to recognize who it is as you raise your fist to punch him. 

“Jeongguk?”

________ So! That’s the first part of this story! Let me know what you think bc this is my first time writing something like this. Until next time, my friends! 

-Sadie :)

[oh-beyond]

No! Not Xiumin please! - Part 1 of 2

You worked for SM as a stylist for a long time, it was all good until the new band EXO debuted and you took care of their fashion, today you had to deal with Xiumin… alone!

Hints of smut, explicit language + 18 (smut next part)

Xiumin x Reader 

Masterlist 

Part 2 >

You’ve been there since SHINee debuted, the guys were very close to you especially Minho, you also witnessed of the whole Junmyeon drama not debuting with them, boys… drama-queens.

Being a stylist at SM was hard work, always needed to come up with ideas and inovance matching the theme of the songs and comebacks, working with SHINee was comfortable enough, but they told you that you will be helping with the new 12 member boyband EXO, you weren’t really looking forward to it, they said women were hard to please? Well trying pleasing guys was hell. ‘This makes me look fat, this makes me look feminine, this makes me look stupid, etc…' 

‘Deal with it, it’s the theme’ was your famous quote.

But then Byun Baekhyun from EXO K… what a nightmare of a guy, impossible to deal with, you had to get used to him, and with with time you did, it was your job, and this was part of it. You were thankful enough not to be traveling with EXO M becuase you’ve heard of how whiny Tao and Jongdae could be, and whiny guys made you lose your cool, everybody knew you had 0% tolerance when it came to being whiny, basically who ever made your job hard would be put in the blacklist.

No serious encounters with EXO M until 2 years ago, that is when the 3 remaining members started doing the activities alongside EXO K, and that is when you finally had your proper encounter with Kim Minseok, the only guy you didn’t want to deal with.

You were very professional, all these years nothing really made you uncomfortable like he did, his eyes, with or without makeup they looked deep, sharp intense to look at, pitying whoever was his makeup artist, you were sure they oozed poison, not in a bad way, in the contrary, they were too charming to look at, you couldn’t stand being too close to him, and apparently it was showing and was too obvious because you tried dressing all the guys like you always did, but when it came to Minseok you just handed him his clothes and left him to deal with it by his own, not ever making eye contact, leaving Minseok puzzled looking at Jongdae wondering why this attitude towards him.

“What do you mean I will be CBX’s stylist? Like alone? Only me?”

“____ it’s only 3 guys, and the concept it’s very simple not extravagant at all, you can do a very good job here”

“Manager-nim, what about the rest of EXO? They need me more”

“It’s been decided”

“But I don’t feel comfortable”

“Nonsense, you’ve been doing Baekhyun’s styling since day 1, and Jongdae and Minseok are not hard to please”

“I am not comfortable with Kim Minseok, I don’t want to be near him, let alone be this close and… I don’t want to, please find someone else”

“We need you, this is the first subunit and I will not take a no for an answer”

You excused yourself while huffing and puffing, you cursed under your breath, what you didn’t expect was Jongdae and Minseok being right behind the door that of course wasn’t closed fully, you knew they heard everything you said, the worried look in Jongdae’s face and the probably pissed face in Minseok’s because you couldn’t just look at him in the eye.

“Noona, are you alright? We couldn’t just not hear it, you were too… loud” said Jongdae playfully.

You made a facepalm, you wanted the ground to swallow you right there.

“I am sorry, I didn’t mean…”

“What didn’t you mean? Huh? Answer me! Look at me noona! What have I done to you?” asked Minseok upset.

“You haven’t done anything, I apologise for what you heard”

“Look at me noona! You’ve never looked at me in the eye, am I that revolting? I must of done something!”

“Hyung, it’s alright, it’s a misunderstanding right noona?” asked Jongdae trying to smooth the atmosphere.

“Actually!” you lifted your head and ‘oh god almighty’ Minseok asking if he was revolting? Your heart pumped so much blood that you immediately felt boiling inside of you “it is because of you Minseok-ssi, I don’t want to work with you” saying that and keeping a straight face was so difficult, and he knew, he just didn’t know in which way.

“Well tough luck noona, because tomorrow we are shooting the preview and I will request you to dress me, let’s go Jongdae-yah”

“But hyung weren’t you a bit harsh on her?”

“Me Jongdae-yah? Did you hear what she said? Besides who does she thinks she is? She’s not indispensable, there are tons of other stylists”

“Well hyung yes she is indispensable, she is the best, the best outfits are always hers, you know we need her for this, besides don’t take her behaviour wrong, I think she just can’t cope with you around her” said Jongdae with a smirk “you know… she’s under the Xiumin spell”

“What? No way man, what are you implying? You think she likes me?”

“No I’m not only impliying she likes you, she’s absolutely not coping with you around, hyung… she’s completely at your mercy, she can’t look at you straight”

“What can I say Jongdae-yah, she has a point doesn’t she?”

You didn’t know if he understood the real reason of you not coping having him close, but sure today the nice guy was gone and Minseok looked extra delicious, Xiumin was the master of eyefucking, and that was what he was doing right now, you were being eyefucked by him and you had no other choice but to receive his assault and act like it’s all perfectly fine while your knees wobbled and your panties got soaked.

You had prepared the 3 grey suits and the glasses they’d be wearing, they would be acting like news anchors and you had came up with the idea of splattering random paint all over their clothes and faces.

Baekhyun was retouching his bright red hair and Jongdae was practising what he needed to say, and Minseok…

“Minseok-ssi needs you in is changing room” annouched one of the makeup artist.

“Why?”

“He said he needs you to look at his suit, it’s not the right size or something”

Oh no, this was it, the first ever real private meeting, you had been lucky not to have any of these in the past almost 5 years, you got away just fine, and now you were opening the door to his changing room his shirt wide open as he leaned on the dressing table playing with his lower lip looking at the floor, slowly at your shoes scanning your body, when he saw the hesitation in your steps he knew Jongdae was right, the simple act of meeting eyes was hard for you, you were melting right there.

“Yes Kim Minseok-ssi? You needed me?”

“I like that obedient tone, come closer, just make sure you lock the door”

“W-why?”

“Because I need to take off my pants, because guess what? You have no clue what size I wear, how long have you worked here?”

“But Minseok-ssi, your size has changed a lot, I’m sorry if-”

“Can you fucking look at my face when you address me?” alright that was blunt, and for what he knew about you you could right now walk out and let him deal with his shit by his own.

“I’m sorry that came out too harsh, I apologise noona” his voice sounding more like the Minseok everyone knew.

You were petrified, stood in front of him your eyes having difficulties blinking, the idea of a pantless Xiumin was a no no, you’ve seen all EXO K in boxers, meh… you’ve seen Minho and Taemin almost naked, they felt like your little brothers, all of them… but Kim Minseok wasn’t even near that thought, Xiumin was that tiger you couldn’t even look up straight.

Minseok came forward, his shirt swinging more giving you a clear view of them abs everyone talked about, you were the one that suggested the mesh top for him in concerts, but truth to be told you haven’t seen him wearing it or even imagined it becuase if you did you would need a slap to wake up from the idea.

“See it’s here, the front raise and the crotch area, my thighs feel too squished” he said while signalising in detail, he had no shame in pulling his zipper down “I fear if I sit the pants will rip”

Your eyes gave you up, it was just too obvious, your behaviour was worst than a fan being kidnapped by her bias idol.

“Well noona say something, this is too tight on me, period”

“I can’t”

“What do you mean you can’t? You chose these, you sew them as far as I was told, you chose the fabric… am I missing something?”

“I will get someone to help you” you said turning around to leave, stumping on your feet falling right there not taking even one step.

Minseok circled you and stood in front of you, your eyes darted up and you were met with his crotch and unzipped pants, when he made sure you looked right where he wanted you to look, he slowly offered you his hand pulling you up to his side.

“I will lock the door, because you need to help me, not anyone else” he slowly went towards the door locking it with a click, turning around his smirk definitely not innocent and not work related, he’s discovered you and he will have fun with the discovery.

“Now that we are alone, and you are actually looking at me, you don’t look that intimidating, you had poor Baekhyun telling stories about the scary stylist noona for so long… I don’t see it, all I see is someone in big trouble because we need to film this thing and I can’t seem to be able to wear my pants properly, so here I am, dress me” said Minseok his voice sexy and insinuative, arms wide open, just what you didn’t need right now.

You lifted your head and saw the detail of his eye makeup that drove you insane, this guy reinvented how eyeliner and eyeshadow should look, he didn’t look better with eye makeup, he was just as good looking without it, eye makeup should be honoured that someone made it look so good.

He lifted and eyebrow “well, do your thing noona”

“Minseok-ssi, why a-”

“No reason, I just need to get dressed”

“It’s tighter because you won’t be dancing”

“I also understood that they won’t film our lower body, so I suggest we wear sweatpants, or even better sit commando”

You swallowed thickly, suddenly your cheeks warming up your hands feeling them, trying to sound cool.

You were determined to get this done and over with, you cleared your throat and took his shirt buttoning the first button you felt how you shivered, all while Minseok titled his head right and left scanning your face.

“You are pretty noona, I like the little freckles you have around your nose”

You swallowed “thanks” you said taking his waistband at his back your face too close to his chest, his breathing heavy.

“Have you ever done this with anyone?”

“Choi Minho-ssi, Lee Taemin-ssi and Byun Baekhyun-ssi”

“Ha! I don’t feel exclusive, pity” he said while you tugged the shirt lightly feeling his roundy butt cheeks, the sinful thought of biting on those never leaving your clouded mind.

“But I guess no one made you this nervous” he coed.

“No, no one has ever made me this nervous” you admitted frankly.

“Ha! Funny tho, I wonder why?”

You kept trying to thing about anything other than the fact that your hand was too close to his crotch now.

“Why noona? You haven’t answered me”

You sighed loudly stepping away “Listen Minseok-ssi, I can’t do this”

“Minseok, just Minseok, it you want you can call me Minseok-ah”

“Alright Minseok-ah” you said emphasising in the ‘ah’ part “I cannot be of help, I will call my assistant”

“Why noona? Why am I making you nervous?” he pulled you closer at your wrists “look at me”

“I can’t look at you, I can’t stand you Minseok-ssi”

“Minseok, Minseok-ah I said, and you can’t stand me? I say otherwise, just try looking at me for a moment”

Your eyes looked straight, be was exactly your same height which made it more intimidating, his eyes right at the same level as yours, your muscles clenched when you saw him blinking slowly, the view didn’t even feel real, the colour of his eyes, that brown tone that you were sure no human being ever had, the shape, daggers right into your soul.

“You like me don’t you noona?”

Like? That wasn’t even the correct word for this, you were being abducted by his eyes, you haven’t been ever this nervous in your life, they felt like a drug, they hurt your insides but made you want to come closer wanting to feel his eyelids.

He placed your hands on his cheeks, the skin to skin contact, your fingertips feeling a burning sensation.

“You do like me, don’t you?”

You were awoken from your daydream when he chuckled, you run your hands over your face clearing your throat stepping backwards till you bumped in the door “I am sorry I can’t do this”

You went for an iced bottle of water, you fanned yourself cursing under your breath this fucker ain’t gonna jeopardise what you built in the SM empire over the years, you took off your cap tying your hair in a high ponytail to get some air going in your neck, it felt like 1000º.

You went back to the set now all 3 CBX members dressed in their very tight suits being sprayed with colourful paint randomly all over, Baekhyun looked like a puppy sprinkled with liquid, the face expressions and how surprised he got every time the liquid hit him, Jongdae was just whiny as usual, saying it was too much not in his eyes, and Minseok… he was just there standing… looking at you, like a tiger studying it’s prey, hands in pockets leaning in one leg, smirk nice and official…

After that, all 3 wore glasses and started recording their unusual preview.

Xiumin looked too good, he had that ability to eat the camera, him being at the centre made things to you, wondering how the paint would look all over his body, random thought, dirty ones, all after you felt his breath hitting your face, it was invading your mind.

When the finished they were greeted and carefully they started taking off their jackets heading for a needed shower to take off all the paint, Baekhyun and Jongdae were already loudly complaining that it wasn’t going away, while Minseok was getting closer to you as you faked being extremely busy hanging clothes in the racks.

“Noona, would you help me?”

“You don’t need help Minseok-ah”

“I like it, the informal speech… sounds sexy”

“Whatever you think you can do you are not going to do because I will not allow it”

“Repeat that looking at me”

“Minseok-ssi! You should go remove the paint in your face” exclaimed one of the supervisors.

“Yes noona here will help me, follow me noona”

God almighty, not Xiumin, this was a total nightmare.

You followed him to his changing room, he removed his shirt swiftly looking at you, he wanted to see your every reaction, and yes you were just not coping with this, if his eyes and face were a gift from the gods his body was just as sinful, how can a man be all this?

“Come over noona, help me unbutton my pants because, just they are not… see they’re stuck”

“Why are you doing this? I mean I am just wondering, are you enjoying it?”

“Yes extremely”

“Where is the decent, genuine, quiet boy that everybody thinks you are?”

“I am still that person, but you know… whit my dolls I like to be different”

“And what could a kitten possibly do to a doll?”

“There’s no kitten here noona, only a tiger”

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Lost of shit officially, your soul had left your body, Kim Minseok swallowed your ability to reply.

“What do you want Minseok?”

“Take.off.my.pants.noo.na”

At this stage you didn’t know whether this was professional or not… your mind was clouded, you were too attracted to him to avoid it any longer.

Your hands slipped in the hem of his pants and…

“Look at me as you do that noona”

His eyes… they were enveloping you whole, you were no longer in planet earth you were in planet lust and desire.

“What are you thinking noona? Tell me”

“I think that you have every beautiful and dangerous eyes”

“How many of us you’ve told this to before?”

“You tell me Xiumin, how many? You think I’ve lost my shit like this before, you can basically do anything you want with me”

“Like bend you over the dresser and fuck you senseless as you look into my eyes in the mirror?”

Oh… the thought of that.

You gasped, and your hand retracted momentarily but he pulled at your wrists harshly making you bump in his chest, his nose hoovering your neck until he found just the right spot to… bite you, first contact were his teeth on your sensitive skin making you whimper.

“I like that sound noona, how about you do that as you scream my name begging for more? How rough you like it? Tell me, because I ain’t got time to go all vanilla on you”

“Minseok!” you exclaimed as his teeth were on your neck again pulling at your skin.

“How rough?”

“As rough as you want”

“Can you take it? We have work tomorrow”

“Try me”

His hands travelled unexpectedly at your breasts squeezing them harshly, pinching your nipples hard “aaah~~~”

“I’m just getting started, crying already”

“Min-”

“Meet me at this address in 2 hours, I’ll type the passcode as well" he said pulling his phone typing a message for you “it’s my apartment, I use it to unwind, and I guess it’s the perfect day to go there giving the circumstances”

You couldn’t believe what you were doing, you actually were going to do this, if anyone in SM knew you could kiss your contract goodbye and expect no other company to ever hire you, you were risking your neck… was it worth it? Of course it was, this was like your moment of glory, just the thought that you were wearing a nice red bite in your neck caused by the one and only man that made you sway ever, Kim Minseok… Xiumin, hell yes it was worth it and you were going to enjoy it.

You got out of the taxi 2 streets further, you wore a facemask and sprinted to the building, the gatekeeper was used not ask, the facemask hinted that there was going to be a visitor at the famous celebrity’s apartment that liked to have his privacy.

You heard the ‘ding’ of the elevator indicating you arrived at the 5th floor, apartment 508, you entered the code and closed the door behind you, you took off your shoes and immediately you were welcomed by the OCD clean freak apartment, it smelled manly and clean, not a spec of dust anywhere, wondering if he came to unwind here cleaning, it looked like museum clean, the white marble floors and the sleek modern furniture, everything turned you on even the grandpa-like library.

You found your way to the bedroom easily, the bed was made so perfectly that you thought this would only be achieved by ironing it after making the bed, the navy sheets, the curtains, everything was perfectly straight and clean.

Your phone rang making you lose that bit of confidence you had.

Minseok.

“Hello?”

“Are you there noona?”

“Yes…”

“Go to my en-suite bathroom, there is something I want you to wear, it’s in the countertop”

You walked to the bathroom and saw this… thing… consisting in black strings, what was it?

“What is this, how do you wear this?”

“Well noona… let me explain to you, just simply get naked and you will find your way, you don’t wear it, you just tie it around you, wear the lipstick I got you also, heavily”

“Oh…”

“I’ll be there in 10 minutes, don’t keep me waiting for too long” sounding husky and hungry.

You were in for some fun…

_____________________________

A/N: I had to take these Miinnie feels out he plays dirty in my mind ^_~

Thanks for reading, part 2 will be posted soon.

[robustcornhusk]

i see both my psych and my therapist on friday, and this usually is a lot more helpful if i stop to think about how things are going beforehand.

spoilers: things are going mostly pretty decently! 

below here i talk about food and alcohol and drugs and family difficulties and money, but not in a particularly distressed way.

things going well:

i made an enormous <ruby><rb>relational database</rb><rt>spreadsheet</rt></ruby> of fun things to do while it’s the summer and we all really want to go do things and shared it with some friends and while no one immediately was super hyped, multiple people later came up to me and umprompted were like “the spreadsheet is really cool! i want to go do a bunch of things!”, and it resulted in people going to a museum, and corgicon, and a trip to the county fair, and and and, and it’s been helping me plan...

bike rides! on my oldnew roadbike! we can’t go camping as soon as i want to, but we’re doing a bunch of in-city rides in the mean time.

the cohuman is starting a new job next month! they are very excited about it, and i’m also very excited about it, because it is a job making the spreadsheets go better. moreover, it’s better in nearly every way from their current job and previous candidates: they will be paid better, the ?sales model? is one we’re more morally comfortable with, there’s been an abundance of indications that the people running the place are loaded with clues, the work is both more interesting and less frustrating, the workplace is even in a more convenient location... 

i solved a multi-year frustrating problem of “i can’t find any shirts that i don’t hate” by acknowledging that i fucking hate the feeling of knit t-shirts and i got some woven button shirts instead. they are a little tight in the shoulders, so i need to find some that really fit as opposed to mostly fit, but now i look Put Together even when i’m in shorts and the colors are good and i don’t feel like a gross sweaty mess when it’s hot because woven fabric handles heat so much better than fucking knit cotton(-poly blend). since getting them, people have stopped me in the street to compliment me on my appearance. (this happened before, too, but there’s been an uptick).

i have played a bunch of video games, which i think for most people is not necessarily a good sign, but for me it is definitely. when i am utterly miserable, i do not play any. when i am fine, sometimes i am not playing any either, but it’s definitely a thing that for me correlates with “feeling good” and to some extent i believe is a causative thing. (the background anxiety machine instead of focusing on the world is awful focuses on well, if i try this level like that or what about that combination of moves...) 

i even want to read fiction, which hasn’t been the case for a while, though that one i have to be careful with; if i read the wrong sort of things i get a mood drop for a few days after (see especially Blindsight). i also am completely powerless to stop reading once i start something (to the detriment of sleeping and eating). so it’s good that i read fast, but ...

i saw a parent last week and after they kept asking me to speak to (relative) i said that i really wasn’t interested in talking to (relative) on account of that person being a jerk and parent only took a minute to accept that and seems to have totally backed off. 

things not going well, but maybe not bad:

i’ve completely dropped climbing on the floor. in part because the last few times i went my hands hurt in a way that indicated that maybe the Minor Tendon Injury wasn’t totally better, but in part because... i just haven’t gone.

i need to remember that it’s very suddenly much easier for me to get there, since i have not-very-valuable road bike now that i can lock up outside in the copious, heavily-used, probably-actually-very-safe bike racks. i have locking skewers in my tires, and i could get a matching seatpost one, which might be a good idea (or get a permanently attached chain). i have better shoes now, so i don’t need to worry about (unexpectedly) slipping off the damn wall the way i used to worry. i do need to solve ‘clothes’, because i think one of the reasons i hesitate to go is that i don’t know what to wear to not stand out. in the winter it’s okay to climb in jeans, but it’s too hot with summer approaching, i think? and people don’t seem to wear shorts while bouldering; i’m not sure if it’s that i’m actually just seeing the work-break daytime crowd who go in street clothes, or if shorts really do stand out.

i do need to remember to not overdo it, and it’s hard at times. what happened in december was definitely that i started going too long and too frequently. i’ll just do one really long session at the big bouldering gym, i said, and climbed to exhaustion, and then i had to drop it for months because i’d fucked up a tendon.

i have not entirely dropped japanese on the floor; i think i’ve done reviews every day for the last month. just. not many of them. like 10-20 a day. i’m abstractly okay with just doing reviews all summer and no additions, because there’s so much fun stuff to do and also because i know i’ll get agitated if i plan to do X additions per day and get off from that because i’m doing fun stuff 3 days a week and so on. 

but i’m still not reconciled to choosing either one of (delay travel to japan until i’m good enough) or (go to japan without being good enough). i’ve been before! while being bad at language! it’s gone fine! but the first was in the high school when i was not a ball of anxiety and the second was with some friends who did a lot of the planning so i knew i could just go along for the ride when i was too stressed to words. and this time is potentially just me and the cohuman, who doesn’t know much, and i really want to go to places outside of tokyo (hokkaido! hokkaido!) where i don’t know that i can rely as much on Ambient Background English.

i’d like to sew a couple of things, but i’m putting it off because ... in part because i’ll bit off more than i can chew, in part because it takes up so much space, in part because the last project bit me, in part because i don’t want to have to iron a bunch of shit on my shitty mini tabletop ironing board. 

i do have a fairly easy project i could do (make an enormous bag for picking up farmer’s market stuff in) without much materials expenditure (i’d need some canvas for the handles and some interfacing, but i have the Cute Thematic Fabric for the outside leftover from last one), so maybe i should just get the damn ironing board. at worst, i can keep it under my bed.

i definitely was overdoing it in the kitchen for a few weeks, and i’ve scaled back a bit in the last month. i think overall, it’s gone well? i’m mad because last night i made a really mediocre dinner: the kale was weird, the broccoli was buggy, the kohlrabi was unevenly cooked, the sauce was meh, i screwed up the timing .... we burned the rhubarb crisp we made this weekend (it was still really good, though), it took an hour to make some cookies (they were incredible though).

the cooking spreadsheet is really useful. this year i’m doing a much better job of finding good and simple food to make with things, so i can divide up my energy in an efficient way. 

we went to a cocktail ... not demonstration, but talk? a person had written a book about cocktails? a couple of weeks ago, and we got their book, and we’ve been making a bunch of them; at least 12 separate recipes out of the ~100 or so in the book. It’s a lot of fun, because it’s a very high effort-to-reward ratio (10-15 minutes of effort results in like 8 people being very happy with me; a lot of flavors i don’t get to use a lot of when cooking or baking)... but i’m approaching a point where, from the standpoint of equipment and ingredients, i either need to cool my jets a bit or swallow some startup costs: glassware (other than chipped to hell water glasses), better tools and equipment (a better shaker, a citrus squeezer that doesn’t spray lemon juice everywhere except the measuring cup), storage vessels (a fourth the fridge is occupied with shrubs and infused syrups and herbs all in too-big mason jars...). 

also like, i love shrubs, and they give me heartburn, because i am apparently old. last summer, when i got started making them, i drank an undiluted 8oz glass of strawberry shrub, because it was delicious, and i thought i was going to die.

the cooking and the cocktailing have led to higher than usual grocery bills, but we’re tracking everything pretty closely: it’s not getting in the way of capital-s Savings, of things we need, even of things we just want. it seems to have just pulled from other hobby-type activities, which makes sense.

[as an aside, and i’m only partially joking, i strongly recommend that the autistic person in a relationship set up the budget; i had a great time doing that last year. the cohuman handed me information on income, and i spent three or so setting up ynab: figuring out all the possible expenditure categories, figuring out how much and how often we’d spend from each, allocating money... and we’ve had to tweak it since then, of course, but also i believe my assumptions and numbers were astoundingly accurate. at one point the cohuman said “we need to move X dollars per month to this other category, what do we do” and i said “that’s easy! that’s painless! we just need to change our running route once a week” and I was right.]

hmm:

at last psych appointment i said that the cohuman had noticed me being sorta off for the week prior; i was getting stuff done during the day, but not as much as i was really wanting to, even on things i was really interested in and pursuing because i wanted to!, and then i was agitated in the evening and couldn’t focus even on easy, fun, light things. 

and then went hmm, and because it was a short trend and i’d said i was backing off of stuff, and because i think i seemed pretty normal at the time: not the super fast speech i get when anxious, not completely taciturn, it was decided to wait and see. i think, i don’t remember the whole conversation.

and then i utterly crashed the next monday. and i’d halfway decrashed by friday, which is why i didn’t bother trying to get an earlier appointment or anything, and with regard to magnitude, i’ve by now completely recovered to baseline, but i’ve changed direction.

all my interests have been the exact same for like ... 15 years. like. yep. i’ve over and over again been interested in: food & cooking & collecting cookbooks, sewing & fashion, learning japanese, interior design and how people use spaces, cats!!!, biking... bouldering doesn’t feel as intense as the other ones, but i think just because there’s less to spreadsheet about with it, and general-you inevitably get injured if you go too hard too soon. 

but they come and go in cycles, and the cyclic nature is at times very unpleasant. being dumped from “fuck yeah, biking! touring! let’s ride for thousands of miles!” to “I haven’t touched a bike in 6 months except to move it out of the way” sucked. 

...

even without “i can use these interests to find new things to be into”, like getting into camping as a way to go on longer bike rides, that’s a pretty okay list of interests. there’s what i see as a hospitality cluster (food, interior design, sewing, cat), a health cluster (food, biking, bouldering), travel (biking, japanese). it might not be the most, ... what’s the word i’m looking for? broadly intellectually stimulating?

digression: i saw, somewhere, someone say: if you’re trying to have people think positively of you, and you decide a good way to go about this is by being smart, that’s all well and good; but if the result of this is that people feel stupid around you, then you’ve made a mistake. if you want people to think positively of you for being smart, you’ve make it easy for them to think well of themselves afterwards, too; you can’t just look down on them.

...

previously, somewhere, described my aspiration as this: I want to be an enzyme. I want to be a thing that, just by being around, makes it easy for reactions to happen. 

and what i think that looks like, in part, is making it easy to be around me. hospitality, i guess.

[lalalauzzzzx]

doing this because I can't sleep... feel free to do 💀

1: Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed? Closed

2: Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotels? Of course they are adorable sizes

3: Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out? Out with my feet wrapped around them

4: Have you ever stolen a street sign before? I don't think so no

5: Do you like to use post-it notes? They are everywhere I love lists 💜

6: Do you cut out coupons but then never use them? Nope don't do this

7: Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees? Neither if that's an option

8: Do you have freckles? On my face and shoulders

9: Do you always smile for pictures? I try to but always look deranged

10: What is your biggest pet peeve? Not sure, being lied to isn't great I guess

11: Do you ever count your steps when you walk? Not really my phone/Fitbit will

12: Have you ever peed in the woods? No

13: What about pooped in the woods? No

14: Do you ever dance even if theres no music playing? All the time I live alone

15: Do you chew your pens and pencils? Sometimes I find myself biting my pen but I stop myself, I always bite straws though

16: How many people have you slept with this week? 1

17: What size is your bed? Double

18: What is your Song of the week? Don't really have one

19: Is it okay for guys to wear pink? Of course - actually ugh, reminds me of Saturday night and this creepy guy that latched on

20: Do you still watch cartoons? Simpsons, family guy, rick and morty, American dad, probably a few more

21: Whats your least favorite movie? It used to be stepbrothers but now I like it, ermmm, there's one I saw that was just soul destroying but I can't remember the name and don't much want to google it

22: Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some? It's a secret

23: If you're a girl, bra size? If you're a guy, pants size? Hah, personal

24: What do you dip a chicken nugget in? Cheese, ketchup, BBQ, curry

25: What is your favorite food? Pasta, steak, roast dinners, pad Thai, Chinese

26: What movies could you watch over and over and still love? The list is super long

27: Last person you kissed/kissed you? My BF

28: Were you ever a boy/girl scout? Nope

29: Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine? Depends how much I'm being paid £££££

30: When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper? A few weeks ago

31: Can you change the oil on a car? Never have but I know how too

32: Ever gotten a speeding ticket? Nope

33: Ever ran out of gas? Nope

34: Favorite kind of sandwich? Cheese and onion ❤️

35: Best thing to eat for breakfast? Fry up! Or bacon sandwich, buttery toast, pancakes, I say all this but lately I've been loving yogurt and granola

36: What is your usual bedtime? Whenever I'm tired usually after midnight, need to start going to bed at like 10 again though

37: Are you lazy? Not really I get shit done, make sure I so productive stuff every day

38: When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween? A witch ☺️

39: What is your Chinese astrological sign? Sheep

40: Are you horny? Could not be less so I'm in a lot of pain

41: Do you have any magazine subscriptions? I was subscribed to cosmopolitan, glamour & slimming world but I've let them lapse

42: Which are better legos or lincoln logs? Legos

43: Are you stubborn? I don't think so, but I know what I want

44: Who is better...Leno or Letterman? Erm, Leno

45: Ever watch soap operas? God no can't stand them

46: Are you afraid of heights? Yeah I have awful vertigo (what don't I have)

47: Do you sing in the car? Always

48: Do you sing in the shower? Sometimes

49: Do you dance in the car? I do

50: Ever used a gun? Not a real one

51: Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? Probably at planet

52: Do you think musicals are cheesy? Some are, but some are awesome

53: Is Christmas stressful? More than it should be!

54: Ever eat a pierogi? Don't know what that is

55: Favorite type of fruit pie? Apple 💕

56: Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? A bus driver 😂

57: Do you believe in ghosts? Meh

58: Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? Sometimes

59: Take a vitamin daily? I'm meant to

60: Wear slippers? Yes 🦄

61: Wear a bath robe? Yeah

62: What do you wear to bed? Either loads of layers, just a big tshirt or nothing

63: First concert? My chemical romance ☺️

64: Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? None I'm British

65: Nike or Adidas? Not that fussed

66: Cheetos Or Fritos? Cheetos

67: Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? Salted peanuts

68: Ever hear of the group Tres Bien? Nope, I know that means very good though..

69: Ever take dance lessons? Only in school

70: Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? Not particularly only happiness matters

71: Can you curl your tongue? Not even slightly

72: Ever won a spelling bee? Yes ☺️

73: Have you ever cried because you were so happy? I have

74: Own any record albums? Quite a few

75: Own a record player? I do I need to sell it

76: Regularly burn incense? Yes 💜

77: Ever been in love? Yes and I am

78: Who would you like to see in concert? The list is endless, was super sad I missed Hollywood undead though :(

79: What was the last concert you saw? Rag n Bone man I think

80: Hot tea or cold tea? Warm

81: Tea or coffee? Tea all the way

82: Sugar or snickerdoodles? Never had either

83: Can you swim well? Breast stroke I'm good with

84: Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? I can

85: Are you a patient? I am at a few places?

86: DJ or band, at a wedding? Both

87: Ever won a contest? A few ridiculous ones

88: Ever have plastic surgery? Nope

89: Which are better black or green olives? Neither bleurgh

90: Can you knit or crochet? Crochet I'm okay with, still need to learn to knit 💕 I love sewing though I used to make little purses and pencil cases

91: Best room for a fireplace? Living room

92: Do you want to get married? Yes

93: If married, how long have you been married? Not been married

94: Who was your HS crush? Not sure I had one

95: Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way? No that's a tantrum I'm an adult

96: Do you have kids? No

97: Do you want kids? Yes

98: Whats your favorite color? Probably purple

[doctortdesigns]

Spring has sprung, at least if you are a pattern company.  The spring Vogues have been announced, and it feels like a somewhat reduced release, at least in terms of the number of patterns that have been announced.  While that isn’t necessarily a bad thing (and Vogue tends to have a more curated selection to begin with), I do have to say that, with what we’ve been given, I am not impressed.  I feel like I’ve been hating a bit on the Big 4/Big 1 (should we perhaps call them the All-4-1 now?) lately, but, out of an entire release from Vogue, there is only 1 patterns that I have on my wishlist as a maybe.  I don’t know.  Perhaps combing through my own stash of patterns has made me realize I *have* similar (and in most cases, better) versions of these styles?  In any case, let’s move on from my lamentations and take a look at the actual release…

V1579 – Badgley Mischka. This is the one pattern in the release I’m somewhat excited by, so I figured it should go first.  The little capelett is chic, and the whole look is not overly fussy.  I’d replace the bow belt with something a little less sweet, but otherwise I think this could be a solid look to wear to a spring wedding or other semi-formal event you might have this spring.

V1581 – Tom and Linda Platt.  Ok, so intellectually I appreciate the graphic looks here, but I also know I would never wear them.  If you are a fan of looser tunics, this could be a very eye-catching style, and the asymmetric hem is rather nicely proportioned, but I know boxy looks are not the best for me, so it’s going to be a pass.

V1576 – Tom and Linda Platt.  I don’t like this as well as the previous style; the batwing shape isn’t anything new, and again it’s the boxy shape isn’t my favorite.  I can see how the color blocking could be flattering certain body types, but I’ve never been a fan of boxy sack dresses, and this isn’t the style to change my mind on that.

V1578 – Tracy Reese.  A perfectly fine dress, though the print does hide a lot of the ruching detail.  It looks sort of delicately pretty in the model photos, but I’d worry about it looking sort of wrinkly and messy based on the line drawing.  Fabric choice is going to be critical if you are looking to make this style methinks.

V9307 – Júlio César.  Again, not a silhouette I’m typically drawn to, but I do appreciate all of the detail work that goes into the design appliqué.  The fabric choices don’t really pop on the envelope, but the close-ups reveal a really luxe fabrication.  This is the sort of thing I see someone whipping out for a Sewing Bee challenge, but I’m thinking we won’t see a ton of these popping up on Pattern Review in the meantime..

V1582 – Isaac Mizrahi.  I do like this simple, streamlined coat, but I think, do I like it *more* than what I already have, and the answer is no, not really.  The color is drawing me in I think, but based on the line drawing it’s going to be a pass.  I’ve come to accept that, while I can play with proportions, waist definition is up there on the list of features I’m looking for in my pattern acquisitions at this point.

V9301 – Kayla Kennington.  Again, pass for me because I’m not really into the boxy silhouette, but the seaming here does offer some interesting possibilities for fabric combinations and use of stripes.

V9300 – Marcy Tilton.  Apparently this is *the* style for the season.  And, once again, there are some fun possibilities with the seamlines here.

V9303 – Marcy Tilton.  Cargo-ish style pants also seem to be the rage this release (see below).  I do like the interesting seam lines here, and they look fairly stylish on the models.  An elastic waist should be easy to sew, and the pocket placement could easily be changed if you wanted something a little more low profile.

V9304 – Kathryn Brenne.  Again, I appreciate the interesting seaming.  Though I’m a bit wary of triangle seams around the crotch area (lest we forget the tragedy of the Burda Baboon Butt), but the detail seems pretty subdued in a dark, monochromatic fabric.

V1575 – Today’s Fit by Sandra Betzina.  Mmmmm, see all previous comments about boxy, shapeless clothing.  I do like the draped collar.  I do not understand the red vest.

V1580 – Today’s Fit by Sandra Betzina.  Overall-culottes seem like the could be a trend this year, and I have to admit, these are pretty cute!  Wide-legged trousers, and cropped trousers are both purported trends this year, so this could be a band-for-your-trend-buck pattern.  My last experiment with culottes wasn’t the best (they look great, but I feel like a Hobbit wearing them), so I’m on the fence with these, but, I do think they are cute on the model.

V9292 – Very Easy Vogue.  Looks very pretty in the lush red fabric they’ve used.  Overall the style is pretty simple, but lots of seams for fit adjustments are nice.  The neckline looks a bit low, and I’m pretty stocked on dress patterns, and there isn’t enough here to excite me into buying it, but this is a nice pattern.

V9296 – Custom Fit.  I know this is supposed to be like 70s diva goddess, but all I’m getting is nightgown.  Really, it must be the colors they choose for the envelope, but I can’t help but see a bunch of really fancy nightgowns.  At this point the sleeves are the same trend we’ve seen, and not too overdone, but nothing new.  I know this the pattern the more stylish of sewing bloggers will whip up in some glorious bold, bright fabric, and we’ll all be beating ourselves silly for having not seen the potential here, but I still think I’ll give this one a pass.

V9293 – Vogue Easy Options.  The basic dress is fine, but the waist bow is a bit on the large side.  I do enjoy the Easy Options in general, but I don’t think this particular pattern has enough variety for me.

V8305 – This is one of those patterns I wouldn’t normally wear, but I do actually enjoy the proportions.  I think the drape of the slit is very stylish and really pretty, and I love both of the trouser options here.

V9302 – Very Easy Vogue.  I do enjoy a wide-legged trouser, but these just feel sort of meh.  I do like the stripe down the side of view B though; that’s a fun detail.

V9298 – Bodysuits.  The neckline looks really low.  This is one of those looks I could *almost* see myself wearing, but I’m tempted to wait and see if other bloggers make it first.  I’m not sure if I’m excited enough to attempt to make something that is very likely to need extensive amount of tape to stay on.

V9299 – Vogue Easy Options.  The sleeves are nuts.  I do like the length and curved hem of the tunic though.

V9295 – Vintage Vogue circa 1940.  I love the Vintage Vogue looks, but this release they feel a bit too sweet for me.  My first thought was The Sound of Music, but, given the year this is from, that is actually a pretty close association.  This one is growing on me the more I look at it, but I know if I were to work on a vintage look, I have several in my collection I’d pick over this one.  Interesting to note the seaming on the skirt – a fabric saving measure in the Depression/wartime rationing period?

V9294 – Vintage Vogue circa 1939.  This one takes the saccharine level up a notch.  I do really love 30s and 40s fashions in general, but the lace trim and puffed sleeves are just too much.  Interesting that this one also features skirt seaming as well.

And that’s it!  On the whole, I’m a bit disappointed with this release.  There are a lot of looks in very similar silhouettes, and with very similar design features.  The non-designer styles felt a bit generic, and nothing really made me sit up and think “wow!”  I’ve been so pumped by Burda lately, I was hoping it would be a good pattern year, but so far there hasn’t been much from the mainstream pattern companies that I’ve been too excited to buy or make.  What do you all think?  Am I too down on the Big4/1 (All-4-1)?  Or was this release a total snooze-fest?  Feel free to discuss in the comments!

Spring 2018 Vogue Patterns #sewing #vogue #voguepatterns #patterns #springfashion Spring has sprung, at least if you are a pattern company.  The spring Vogues have been announced, and it feels like a somewhat reduced release, at least in terms of the number of patterns that have been announced.