#I started ats in like. july last year I believe

[shallyne]

The Diary of Feyre Archeron Ch 10

Chapter ten! Last chapter before the epilogue. Enjoy!! Full fic on AO3

Words: 1.1k

June 29th

Rhys came with me to the Rainbow today. It has been nerve-wracking if I put it lightly. It took me about an hour before I even could step a foot into the artist's quarter but Rhys was there, reassuring me and giving me the time I needed. I actually wanted to do this after work but Rhys took the day off for us both and we walked to the Rainbow. In my quest to ignore it the past years I never realized how close the quarter was to the lounge.

After I managed to actually walk into the Rainbow (I gripped Rhys's hand the whole time like my life depended on it) I got that sudden feeling of nostalgia. Seeing people carrying canvases and paints, even the street musicians who were in their element. It was such a weird mix of emotions, on one side I wanted to bolt in the other I felt at home there, like I belonged. I teared up just standing there, probably looking like an idiot, but Rhys wiped my tears away with the hand I wasn't squeezing.

We even ate lunch there, right beside a gallery. I haven't gone into the gallery but Rhys and I agreed that this would be the next step, for the next time.

I'm actually excited! It's so strange, tho. Having all these different emotions.

July 12th

Tonight I had the first nightmare that I was alone to deal with. Rhys had to work longer and Elain and Nesta were on a double date with Azriel and Cassian. They invited me, too, but I was so exhausted after therapy that I just fell into bed right after dinner. I assume that's also why I had nightmares again, a lot has come up. I wish someone had been there but I managed, somehow. I didn't throw up and I, fortunately, didn't have a panic attack either. That's good, it's something to celebrate. I really don't know if I should tell Rhys, though, because I know he's going to feel bad for not being there and I don't want him to feel bad. I have to do this alone, it was bound to happen sooner or later. I don't know, I'll think about it. He's not in his office later when I work, so there is enough time to debate this until I meet him in the afternoon.

Also, I've bought a new dress. It's not like the others I took from home, this one is much more revealing. Mom would hate it, so I know it's great. Rhys will love it.

July 13th

I couldn't even say hello before he asked me if I had nightmares again? Is it that obvious??

But, okay, but that's not what I'm going to write about today. Something happened. Something GREAT!!! Rhys and I had sex last night. For the first time. And the second. And the third. Okay, a lot of times and it was amazing. It was the best sex I ever had. Not that I'm surprised but also I'm a little surprised because I didn't expect that. It was like something you'd read in Nesta's smutty books. I can't stop thinking about it. About Rhys and the last night and well, that's bad because we will have a barbecue tonight with the whole family (Nesta, Elain, Mor, Cassian, Azriel, Rhys's mother and sister, Rhys and me) and apparently you can read all my emotions on my face. Fuck, I have to work on that. I will! I'll try while getting ready. I'm still at Rhys's place but he already had a dress ready for me so I won't have to stress about that. (not in a controlling way like, his mother made that dress. She's a seamstress and I feel really honored to wear her dress but nobody would blink an eye either if I would turn up in pajamas)

I feel like I'm walking on clouds! It's surreal. If someone told my 16 year old self that I am where I am now she would laugh. She wouldn't believe it at all. I barely can.

December 15th

A decision was made!

I'm quitting my job at Rhys's lounge and going to art school. I started painting again around august and I just can't stop. There is so much that I have to tell, to get out. Rhys and I spent a whole night talking about the future weeks ago and the decision was a hard one to make but I made it. I'm going to art school. I'm living my dream, the thing I've worked towards my whole life until we had to leave my hometown. It's happening and I made the decision all alone. Without Rhys (although I've talked his ear off about the pros and cons), without Nesta or Elain, without my therapist. It was my decision! Isn't this exciting? I'm standing on my own two feet again. Baby steps evolved into quite big steps. I can't say how light I feel these days. I can paint it but words can't even begin to describe my feelings. I still have rough patches, especially now that it nears one year since my abduction but I'll get through this. I'm not alone. I'm not there anymore, I am safe now. And I am going to art school! Oh my god!

No words left, just happy.

January 1st

If you like a thing you should put a ring on it!

Okay, well, that's not the exact lyrics. I had to modify it a tiny little bit to fit my situation. Our situation. Rhys and my situation. Well, happy new year! I'm engaged! We are engaged! There will be a wedding. Between me and Rhys. Rhys and I. Engaged. Soon to be married. I'd say I believe I'm dreaming but I am not, I am looking at the ring as we speak. It's a family heirloom, Rhys told me. It's been through generations. The ring is also SO beautiful. It's a sapphire and in is etched with a six pointed star. The band of the ring is twisted of silver and gold. Never in my life have I seen something that beautiful. Sometimes, when the light falls in it in the right way, it looks like there is a star inside the stone.

Which actually brings me to the proposal. It wasn't something big, it was just me and Rhys and we went stargazing. I tried to find a constellation he had pointed at and when I turned around he was on his knee (his bad one, I basically had to pull him up), asking me to become his wife. Of course I cried. Nothing could beat this proposal.

It's Rhys and me. For the rest of our lives.

I'm thanking the stars everyday

Feysand Taglist:

@captain-of-the-gwynriel-ship @starfall-spirit @rhysiedarling @corcracrow @sydney-fae25 @tothestarsandwhateverend @aayo-whatt @dreamlandreader

[samynnad102687]

I lost the map...

@struttingstag Feb 27 Prompt: I lost the map...

James/Regulus, James & Sirius & Remus | 1212 words

Warnings: none

They had the car packed for their road trip from London to Manchester last night. Everyone met at James' house the next morning to go over the trip. It was the first day of July, and James still couldn't believe that his parents were allowing him to go on a road trip with his friends. It was the summer before they finished their last year of secondary school. Well, except for Regulus, who was going into year eleven.

"Do we have everything?" Remus asked as he was folding up the map that he had just laid out on the hood of the car.

"I think so," Sirius said, although he didn't sound too sure about it.

Remus looked at his boyfriend with a raised eyebrow. James took that opportunity to grab Regulus and sneak back into the house. They still needed to get snacks and drinks for the road. James also wanted to look through his CDs again and make sure that he didn't miss any important ones.

"What are you doing?" Regulus asked with a hint of amusement in his tone.

James kissed him on the cheek quickly, "Getting snacks. What does it look like?"

"It looks like you are trying to avoid being dragged into whatever my brother just got himself into."

"That too," James pointed at Regulus before he went back to the pantry and pulled out crisps, fruit winders, and a whole array of sweets.

"You're going to make yourself sick with all of that sugar," Regulus scolded as he pocketed a package of Jammie Dodgers and a candy necklace.

James decided it was best to ignore the obvious theft from the pile of sweets. He grabbed a couple of bags from the pantry to put everything in. He made his way to his bedroom next with Regulus trailing behind him. He figured that Regulus just wanted to avoid his brother for as long as he could before they spent the next four hours or so on the road together. James was checking his CDs when a pair of arms slinked around his waist as James grabbed Nirvana's Nevermind and Queen's A Night At The Opera albums and Regulus whispered in his ear.

"How long do you think we have?"

"Not long enough for what you're thinking, love," James replied dejectedly.

"Hmm. Too bad."

Regulus shrugged before he started to walk back over to the door as if he was fine with getting nothing. James made it across the room before he could make it and scooped Regulus up into his arms and he crashed their lips together eagerly. James didn't know how long they stayed like that but when they finally made their way back outside, it was with slightly more messed up hair and hastily straightened clothes. Both Sirius and Remus gave them a quizzical look and Sirius pretended to gag as soon as he figured it out. Remus just shook his head, as if they weren't just doing the same thing. James knew they were.

After double and triple-checking that they had everything, James said goodbye to his parents and the four of them piled into the SUV. Remus was driving, which also meant that Sirius was in the passenger seat and in control of the music. Regulus complained about that when the first thing Sirius put in was David Bowie. They got into a ten-minute argument about what was classified as good music. James and Remus just looked at each other in the rearview mirror but didn't say anything.

The first hour was peaceful after the brothers finally agreed on an artist they both liked, Nirvana. Sirius switched the CD to Nirvana and everyone was belting out Smells Like Teen Spirit at the top of their lungs. They ate most of the snacks and James regretted downing three fizzy drinks.

"When's the next rest stop?" James asked from the back seat.

"About twenty kilometres, why?" Remus informed him, absentmindedly as he glanced at James through the rearview mirror.

"I really gotta take a piss."

"Didn't you go before we left?" Regulus raised an eyebrow in question.

"Well, I would have if we weren't otherwise occupied," James whispered and hoped the music was loud enough for the other two to not hear him.

"I told you to go before we left," Remus sighed.

"Yeah, well. I was getting snacks and forgot."

"Ugh, can you hold it for another fifteen minutes?"

"Possibly."

"No more drinks," Sirius laughed before he turned the music up more.

They made it to the rest stop in ten minutes and James practically fell out of the car as he tried to get to the restroom. He vaguely noticed that the other three got out of the car as well and followed, albeit at a slower pace. Once everyone's bladders were empty, they checked out the cafe next to the rest stop and hung out for a little bit. James and Sirius decided to climb some of the trees at the park while Remus and Regulus talked, probably about James and Sirius being idiots as they so lovingly liked to call them. James didn't care.

They climbed back into the SUV after James and Sirius managed to run off most of the excess energy they got from the sugar and being stuck in the car. Remus took one last look at the map before he folded it back up and handed it to Sirius. Sirius smirked at his brother before he decided to put in his Twisted Sister album and started belting out We're Not Going To Take It. Regulus grabbed his headphones and laid down in James' lap with his feet half on the seat and half on the window. James didn't even know that he brought his Discman with him.

"Hey, can I see the map?" James asked after Regulus fell asleep and Sirius turned down the music.

"Why?"

"I just want to see where we are."

Sirius shrugged and handed it back. James was looking at it loosely and running his finger along the path that Remus had marked out. Sirius rolled down his window to light up a fag after a couple of minutes. James knew that if Regulus smelt it while he was sleeping, they would all be in for a lecture and nobody wanted to deal with Regulus when he woke up. So being the good boyfriend that he was, James rolled down his window too just to make sure that the smell didn't get to him.

He went back to looking at the map and noticed all of the places that Sirius had marked off as possible stops. After a few minutes, he reached down to grab another fizzy drink. That was a mistake. Remus turned onto a bypass and the wind caught that map, sucking it out the window. James turned his head quickly to see if he could spot it but it was gone. Oh, he was in trouble.

"Sirius, where's the next turn?" Remus asked not even a minute later.

"Umm, let me look. James, can I have the map back?"

"Uhh-" James started dumbly.

Sirius turned around and Remus glared at him in the rearview mirror.

"Please tell me you are joking," Remus nearly shouted, waking up Regulus in the process.

Also posted on Ao3: From Here to There

[garden-with-squid]

Yearly Garden Review - 2023

1/11/2024

The garden has improved so much over the past year.  I grew, harvested, and learned so much more than I did last year.  And that’s despite the weird weather - this was a very wet, gloomy year in SoCal, even into June and July.  

Highlights:

We loved the tulips this year and plan to plant out more chilled bulbs soon.

Surprise potato harvest in bed 2

Bed 3 was so incredibly beautiful in the spring - purple alyssum beneath fresh, green growth.  The alyssum also helped with water retention and attracting beneficial insects.  The soil in bed 3 felt loose and healthy compared to other beds that time of year.

Larger harvests of peppers, eggplants, and so so many tomatoes.  I couldn’t believe how tall the tomato plants grew!  We ate them all the time and they were delicious, especially the Black Cherry.

We cooked and ate more of our harvests.  Delicious omelettes, pasta, soups, and stuffed peppers on Halloween.

Installed ollas - extremely helpful!  Really helps keep water more consistent.

Grew delicious broccoli.  There are side shoots still growing too.  I didn’t realize how big broccoli plants actually get.  Bed 2 looks great still.

Ordered a tea plant.  It’s pretty dead now, but it was nice having a camellia for a bit.

The jasmine bounced back and bloomed a bit!

Got local compost and made my own potting mix

The dragonfruit is still alive, and hopefully will grow more this spring.

Notes for improvement:

I struggled to germinate seeds, both direct sown and started indoors.  The care/watering is hard for me to do consistently.  It was a real shame to kill all the shallot seedlings in particular - I was really hoping to grow some since they’re harder to find in store.

Lots of dead plants.  If I stopped talking about any particular plant in the logbook, it’s because it died.  The rosemary and lavender plants in bed 4 will probably need to be replaced this spring.  A lot of flowers and container plants didn’t make it.  For some reason, sunflowers struggled a lot too.

Aphids, cabbage worms, and rodents.  Barrier protection would probably help a lot, plus more consistent watering.  I did see a good number of ladybugs and larva this year.

Garden fatigue hit at different points in the year, usually when work was stressful or it felt like my garden wasn’t as good as it should have been.  But it helped to remind myself how much better I’ve become since last year, and that it will continue to get better as I gain more experience.  

Looking forward to the year ahead, I want to harvest many things in the summer/fall - okra and watermelon for my uncle, more nightshades, onions, pumpkins, and flowers.  I want to try growing on the trellis (I plan to install one more).  Most of the work will happen in March/April - that’s when the cover crops in beds 1 and 3 will be ready to turn in and transplant time for all the summer crops.

I’m currently using the wintertime to take a break, only checking the garden once a week or so.  While I could grow a winter garden in my zone, I find I’m very lazy on cold mornings, and having a season of rest is important to me symbolically.  

I think I have a solid foundation of skill and experience to build on, so I hope to have a very productive garden this year.  We’re also supposed to have another wet season coming up. So we’ll see how that affects things.  Very fitting for Year of the Dragon!

[yettofindaname]

One Piece posting

So I've recently catched up with the One Piece manga (as of now, chapter 1100) and have some things to say. (unmarked spoilers for OP below)

I have read One Piece since 2015, and my modus operandi always is to wait a bunch and read a significant block of chapters, ideally a years worth. Factoring that in, I can finally say the Wano arc really tested my patience.

Wano is the longest arc in the series! And i'm not talking the saga (that started ten years ago) Im talking the get-in-the-island get-out-the-island part! Luffy got in Wano in early July, 2018 - and left mid August, 2022, that's four years! And the final showdown in Kaidou's base, the climax of two years of preparations, politics, backstory - took two whole years to boot. It was kinda sad, getting my fresh one piece dose and it's 50 chapters of the same of last year! I glad that is over!

--

Luffy is a zoan-user now, and I saw a good comment stated by a very vanilla wish-fulfillment-protagonist in a isekai one piece fic: Zoan users are - as stated on the manga by various sources - shaped by the animal of the devil-fruit they eat. Carnivorous zoans are more agressive, and so on - this is heightened when the user awakens, sometimes with the user losing their personality and becoming a single minded beast, as was the case with the mino-animals in Impel Down. The point here is: Would a devil-fruitless Luffy be all that friendly and freedom fight-y, had he not eaten the fruit of the Laugh-and-Freedom-Fight-GOD? Was he always like this, or did the Nika inside him ate the person and left the shonen protag? I (like the fic MC that made the coment) don't think one piece is this kind of story - and when we find out what is luffys True Dream (that being Pirate King is only a stepping stone to) is, it will probably be something very Nika like, even if the dream is older than the God-Possession.

--

We got Bartolomew Kuma's story and ho boy, is it a kick-in-the-feelings. Oda loves mistreating us, it's sadness porn all the time, but we are masochists and keep coming back for more. The World Nobles are like a whole nation of Jeoffrey Baratheons, really gives me the desire to cross the screen and strangle them one by one.

--

Oda takes his sweet time introducing loads and loads of new characters and going out on tangents, but I gotta give it to him: I fully believe that when one piece ends, there will be little to none loose strings - the man will lay everything on paper, from the backstory of the world to that of significant major players. In this stretch after Wano, we already got a lot of Revolutionary backstory covered, and also the God Valley - a central point in Garp and Rocks pirates lore.

In the same vein, I like how Oda gives us a progressively more clear view of the past: Legends become events you see in person, and legendary figures become humane. When One Piece started, Gold Roger was this paragon, unattainable pinnacle of a pirate, a very much tell don't show kinda deal. Now we know how he fought, what he liked, how he behaved - And it's nothing 'out of this world' - we even know his bounty and how it compares with those alive today, and it's a value that it's high, but not absurd. A slightly more expensive yonko, but yonkos are - today - beatable antagonists.

--

Speaking of Bounties, my bet for highest bounty is this: Monkey D. Dragon - 10 Billion Beri, give or take a few hundred million. It rounds off nicely in a universe where World Gvt level threats (yonko) that aren't trying to destroy the government are valued 5 Billion 'and change'.

--

The moment Nico Robin discovered that the books of Ohara were saved and the research her friends and family died to protect melted my heart - this was the reading-sprint kick in the feelings i was not expecting, but took with tears in my eyes and a smile in my face.

Yeah, this feeling.

[invincible-selfxmade-punk]

I posted 23,755 times in 2022

That's 3,258 more posts than 2021!

1,033 posts created (4%)

22,722 posts reblogged (96%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@polkadotmotmot

@mr-e-gallery

@soberscientistlife

@allhailthe70shousewife

@lghockey

I tagged 2,558 of my posts in 2022

#art - 167 posts

#aew - 116 posts

#youtube - 104 posts

#coffee - 94 posts

#texas - 69 posts

#teaching - 57 posts

#cm punk - 54 posts

#dreams - 49 posts

#good morning - 45 posts

#books - 39 posts

Longest Tag: 133 characters

#im not sure if chrono tags work on mobile... if it shows an empty search you can just go to (in your browser) tinyurl.com/readmourner

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

The mood for fur today

96 notes - Posted October 1, 2022

#4

Sir Gray, first of his name unknown age about 15 years was taken home by the Lady Bast today.

He is survived by his little sister Stripe and his two humans who gave him the best home they knew how for the last 12 years.

Gray began his life as an abandoned cat in The Candlewood apartment complex in Corpus Christi Texas. He found his new humans there and they never let him go.

He was moved to Big Spring and then to Fort Stockton.

His favorite pastimes were begging for treats and roaming around outside. His only real shortcoming was his tendency to pee on his mama when she was sleeping. Other than that he was the best Kitty anyone could ever ask for.

His human parents loved him very much and are grateful every day for this time they were gifted with him.

See the full post

132 notes - Posted January 24, 2022

#3

We are programmed and manipulated to believe that Thanksgiving is a holiday of utter abundance and gluttony. If you are barely getting by, and barely have enough, your holiday is still just as valid as anyone else's.

If you are displaced, homeless, disabled, disowned, alone, if you have no money for gifts, if you have no money for food, if you are barely getting by, you deserve the holiday season as much as anyone else does.

Don't let any post or picture on here shame you into thinking that your existence is not enough to be thankful for.

Just because your life does not match up to the images you see on this site, it doesn't mean you don't count.

You are a blessing to all those you encounter.

I am somewhere out here wishing you the best.

143 notes - Posted November 20, 2022

#2

I saw this on Facebook last night.

The basic question asked when you were a little kid what did it mean to you to be rich? Like if you were to look at another person's family what would constitute being rich to you.

For me it was pretty easy to answer: in the late 70s and early '80s when I was a kid, rich people had cars with power locks and windows. They also had large garages with automatic garage door openers and the richest of the rich lived in two-story houses.

So I started to read through other people's replies and these were some of the things that I saw.

If you were a rich kid, your family had:

✅hot water

✅Could afford to eat meat

✅ a washer/dryer

✅Got to go out to eat. ..ever

✅ a bathtub

✅ a bike

✅ clothes that weren't homemade

✅ a microwave

✅ central air

✅ a car with AC

I came away feeling so humbled. I've always thought that I grew up poor. I always considered my upbringing to be very much lower class, at least compared to everyone else I do.

But growing up we had central air which we got when I was probably 8 or 9 years old, we had hot water and a bathtub, we ate meat every night, we always had a washer and dryer, and when I was about eight we got a microwave. I had a bike when I was 10, and I never once wore had me down or homemade clothes unless I was playing dress up.

@sophiaslittleblog

@bitter1stuff

@allhailthe70shousewife

@vaspider

@allnightsong2

I'm curious to know what your representation of being rich was when you were a little kid.

196 notes - Posted July 10, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

@allhailthe70shousewife

Look what just appeared on my Facebook feed

1,457 notes - Posted June 16, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[to-taiwan-from-fanny]

07/17/2024

July 17 - Fulbright Center, Shung Ye Museum of Formosan Aboriginal Peoples

We were all supposed to meet up at the hotel lobby for our trip to the Fulbright Center at 9:30 but I only got the will to get out of bed at 9:16; arguably the most panicked I've been ever since I've gone on this trip, tied next to the time I almost missed grabbing the last chocolate sandwich from FamilyMart (they're so good, I literally ate three of them my first day in Taiwan). Regardless, we ended up making it down to the lobby by 9:31 (not bad!) and went off to our destination without a hitch.

We then spent the next two hours or so learning all about the Fulbright program and the opportunities that come with it. It was honestly really cool! I've been thinking about going abroad for a year after graduation to volunteer and I think going to underfunded and rural communities to teach children would be a wonderful time to spend my year! My parents grew up in rural China, where English was only taught starting in middle school so it'd be a really cool full-circle moment for me.

We then took a torturous bus ride to the Aboriginal Peoples Museum (please bring back the party bus, the seats on there were so nice and cushioned) where we wandered around for a bit before watching an episode of a children's TV show entirely nonsubtitled.

Academic Reflection

Much like America had done with our indegionous people, the native Taiwanese throughout history has been depicted as barbaric, uncultured, inferior to their white (or in this case, Han Chinese) counterparts and were mass exterminated because of such implications. Even today, it's not hard to notice the position disparity between the colonized and the colonizers. Again using the States as an example, Native Americans on average earn way less and live in way worse living conditions compared to the rest of America. It's to the point that 48% of reservations don't have access to clean running water. It's hard to believe that a basic human necessity I take for granted isn't easily accessible to people living in the same country as me and with the majority of the indigineous populations living in more rural areas all over the world, I imagine that this applies (in some sense) to the native people here as well.

With this background, it was important for me to approach the museum with slight skepticism, acknowledging that the artifacts in the museum were taken from the native people and the descriptors told in the perspective of a colonizer.

[anythingmia-ish]

Journal?

It’s hard to believe I’m back here on Tumblr.

My psychologist recommended that I start writing or journaling whatever is on my mind, and Tumblr seems like a safe place to do that incognito, haha.

Today is July 4th, 2024, and I acknowledge that I am a broken person in need of healing and help.

So much has happened since I last shared on this platform, which I believe was back in 2021.

From 2017 to 2021:

I ended things with Loraine.

I immersed myself in video games and found a community where I connected with friends like Norvin and others.

I began dating Jade—a relationship that started on the wrong foot and ended even worse.

In 2021:

I broke up with Jade after a toxic four-year relationship due to her infidelity.

My eldest brother, Kuya Mike, passed away on February 9th due to heart failure.

In July, I entered into a relationship with a truly wonderful person, Nikka.

I moved in with Nikka, while my parents moved in with my other brother, Kuya Jonjon.

My sister, Ate Maricel, and her children relocated to Bulacan.

From 2022 to early 2023:

I attempted to secure employment with several companies but faced repeated rejections.

I fell into significant debt due to impulsive spending.

I felt disconnected from all my relationships, especially with Nikka and my parents.

From late 2023 to 2024 (present):

I reconnected with someone I had feelings for back in 2016 and ended up cheating on Nikka with them.

Despite several attempts to salvage our relationship, Nikka and I eventually parted ways.

An altercation between my father and Kuya Jonjon led to my parents being evicted from Kuya’s house.

My father passed away on May 2nd, 2024, from a stroke, and I blame myself for not helping sooner.

Ate Maricel and I had a falling out.

Nikka moved back to her parents’ house, leaving me alone in our old apartment with my three cats.

I’ve been plagued by negative thoughts due to overwhelming pain, guilt, and shame.

Immediately after my father’s funeral, I threw myself into work to complete a project, avoiding confronting my emotions until late June when I finally broke down. Since then, I’ve struggled to function, crying daily. My manager granted me an extended leave of absence to seek help. I’ve started seeing a psychologist and psychiatrist, and I’ve been diagnosed with bipolar affective disorder. While I’m becoming more aware of my condition and striving to manage my emotions, financial constraints make extending my leave challenging.

I just want to reach a point where I wake up without the weight of guilt over my father’s death or the pain of failed relationships, the cheating, the lies I’ve told, or the hurt I’ve caused Nikka. The image of my father with a breathing tube haunts me, and I want for these memories to fade. I’m in the process of accepting these painful truths, though the pain persists daily. Despite my thoughts of ending things, I can’t bear to inflict more suffering on my mother. She’s the person I care about most in this world, and I don’t want to break her heart anymore.

[roboturner87]

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?

No

2. You talked to an ex today, correct?

Unfortunately, I have to co-parent with her, so yes

3. Have you taken someones virginity

Quite a few

4. Is trust a big issue for you?

It is now, yes

5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently?

I don't have anyone I like at the current moment

6. What are you excited for?

The possibility of a new position at work

7. What happened tonight?

It's afternoon, so nothing yet

8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted?

No

9. Is confidence cute?

Most definitely

10. What is the last beverage you had?

Water

11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?

0

12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans?

Lmao, no

13. What are you gonna do Saturday night?

Probably play Skyrim

14. What are you going to spend money on next?

Food

15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed?

No, she's coming over to get the last of her stuff

16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months?

The change has begun, and yes.

17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?

He's dead, but a friend of mine that has been there when I had nobody else

18. The last time you felt broken?

Currently

19. Have you had sex today?

Haven't had sex since....mid July

20. Are you starting to realize anything?

I'm hard to love

21. Are you in a good mood?

I haven't been in a good mood in quite some time now. I really want that to change

22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks?

Probably

23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s?

No, they're the same as my mom's

24. What do you want right this second?

To be held

25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?

Too late

26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color?

Red brown

27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?

I was married to someone like that. It wasn't all bad until the end

28. What was the last thing that made you laugh?

Chainsaw man

29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now?

With all of my heart, but I know she doesn't miss me

30. Does everyone deserve a second chance?

Yes and no, depends on the situation

31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to?

Errm......

32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do?

I think so, but I also think I scared her away

33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda?

Pop, but I only really drink Ginger Ale

34. Listening to?

The filter of the fish tank and the ringing in my ears

35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore?

No

36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is?

Yes, unfortunately

37. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Maybe?

38. Who did you last call?

My mom

39. Who was the last person you danced with?

I don't even remember

40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?

She was my wife, and I loved her with all of my heart

41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake?

An actual cupcake? Years ago.

42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today?

Yesterday

43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?

Not in a while

44. Do you tan in the nude?

I don't tan...

45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss?

No

46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?

No

47. Who was the last person to call you?

Spam call

48. Do you sing in the shower?

No

49. Do you dance in the car?

Headbang

50. Ever used a bow and arrow?

Yes, i love Bows

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?

May

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?

Not all of them

53. Is Christmas stressful?

It will be this year

54. Ever eat a pierogi?

Mmmmm Pierogis

55. Favorite type of fruit pie?

Apple

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?

Oddly enough, a truck driver, then basketball player

57. Do you believe in ghosts?

Spirits

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?

All the time, it's been a while though

59. Take a vitamin daily?

No

60. Wear slippers?

Do flip flops count?

61. Wear a bath robe?

No

62. What do you wear to bed?

Shorts

63. First concert?

Linkin Park, Static-X, and Stone Temple Piolets

64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?

Target Kmart doesn't exist here

65. Nike or Adidas?

Adidas

66. Cheetos Or Fritos?

Fritos

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?

Sunflower seeds

68. Favorite Taylor Swift song?

None

69. Ever take dance lessons?

No

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?

Professional bum is her current occupation

71. Can you curl your tongue?

Yes

72. Ever won a spelling bee?

No

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?

No

74. What is your favorite book?

N/A

75. Do you study better with or without music?

Music is my life

76. Regularly burn incense?

Not recently

77. Ever been in love?

Yes

78. Who would you like to see in concert?

Anyone

79. What was the last concert you saw?

Veil of Maya and Vildjarta

80. Hot tea or cold tea?

Hot

81. Tea or coffee?

Tea

82. Favorite type of cookie?

Macadamia

83. Can you swim well?

Decently

84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?

Yes

85. Are you patient?

I've learned be

86. DJ or band, at a wedding?

Doesn't matter

87. Ever won a contest?

Yes

88. Ever have plastic surgery?

No

89. Which are better black or green olives?

Black

90. Opinions on sex before marriage?

Always

91. Best room for a fireplace?

Anyplace

92. Do you want to get married

Been there, done that. I probably won't again, but time will tell

[steamishot]

equinox x2/4th of july

this past weekend, we went on our second staycation to equinox for three nights. amex had a $200 off $1000 offer so we couldn’t resist. we checked in on 6/30, which i could not take off from work. unfortunately, i had to work until 8pm that day but it worked out fine. we knew what to expect this time around so the adjustment period was very short. the hotel offers such serenity and tranquility; it’s extremely quiet and the air is super purified and fresh. the quietness is so therapeutic, especially for matt who is often in a high stress and chaotic environment. he had just finished a 10 day working streak, 7 days on and 3 days of moonlighting. our lives are always a little insane:

friday:

neighborhood walk to white noise/coffee

checked out la bicyclette for the most expensive ham and cheese croissant ($9) 

matt had a 30 min virtual interview with LA USC, followed by a therapy session with gabbie

we do last minute packing, throw out the trash/cleaned, and head to equinox hotels around 3pm 

we settle in, i continue to work

ordered sushi on 35 delivery for our dinner 

restorative yoga at 8pm with babette godefrey: she was giving a whole ted talk during this session, stressing the importance of rest (in addition to exercise and nutrition). she said that we see more in a week in NYC than people did in their entire lifetimes 100 years ago. 

saturday: 

started off our day with an intense but fun workout by michael j. clark for kickboxing. this guy was literally on crack, performing acrobatics at 10am in the morning lol. he is by far the most memorable fitness instructor i’ve had. left me feeling sore for at least 3 days after

went for lunch at a nearby australian cafe and ate healthy food (salad & avocado toast)

picked up a matcha latte and vegan donuts from the nearby wholefoods

did a wind down/restorative yoga class at 4pm

checked out market 57 for food, starbucks reserve, and the google store

sunday:

did a vinyasa flow class with robert nguyen that was quite intense. equinox instructors are all a little intense/arrogant lol, they really do not baby you in class

had an early dinner at jeju where we had a crazy dinner: the meal consisted of uni, caviar, wagyu, tartare, truffle, scallops, and lobster

walked back to market 57 and tried a signature latte (with blackberries and thyme), picked up xin fu tang boba and banana pudding from magnolia bakery

went back to the equinox gym where matt ran 30 minutes while i did an inclined walk 

my stomach felt like crap that night, with mixing of all the above foods - on top of drinking tea, and eating blueberries lol 

monday: 

we had scheduled a hot yoga class for that morning but i wasn’t feeling well so i slept in. matt went for a 30 minute run and picked up some starbucks oatmeal for me. i called off half day from work.

checked out, got back to our apartment around 1pm and decided to go to hot yoga at our usual studio at 4pm with our favorite instructor matty

we were both so tired and knocked out by 10pm last night 

the price is hefty, but i told matt that it’s worth it because of how rejuvenating the experience is and it is a very healthy treat for himself. i believe it’s better to spend on wellness than to spend on something material. the gym is his element. it’s also always interesting to people watch at places like this. 

instead of keeping my bike in the bike rack down in the basement, it’s now stored in the apartment so that i can more easily go out for bike rides. i don’t have to rely on matt to help me carry my bike up two flights of stairs from the basement. it’s still quite a drag to get my bike from the room into the elevator and then down/up a few stairs, but i went for 3 solo bike rides last week and really enjoyed it! the first ride was about 5 miles, the second and third were about a 10 miles roundtrip. it’s a great way to start my day and to force myself to leave the apartment and get in some cardio. i decked out my bike - it now has a basket and phone mount. i realized my recent anxiety was breeding from boredom, and the best way to combat that is by doing more. 

there’s always some anxiety when i haven’t done something for a while or if i’m doing something for the first time (i.e. socialize, bike ride, drive, go to a new area etc) but i cannot be avoidant. the anxiety i have comes from having too much down time, where i have time to worry about things i normally wouldn’t think about if i had a busier schedule. i would just go do it. 

i’m spending 4th of july mostly alone, or matt may come home earlier. again, i always have fomo and wish i had family around during the holidays. it’s something i want to bring up in therapy.

interviews/applications have been really busy for matt. it seems he had about 10 (one in person, the other calls/virtual) in the past month or so. arrowhead is flying him out for an in-person interview on 7/11, and i am tagging along. they are paying for his flight, 3 day rental car and 2 nights at a hotel. i’m excited to be on this journey with him. it’s starting to feel like he’s “VIP”. as his partner, i am also defaulted to being in the advisor role. like in spiderman, “with great power comes great responsibility”. whew, it ain’t easy. 

another thing i want to bring up in therapy is this transition in class/wealth. for me, it’s the guilt that i get to experience such nice and luxurious things, that i feel undeserving. that i fear i will come off as “showing off” to my family if i share my experiences, or make them feel bad. at the same time, i realize feeling guilty is also negating all our hard efforts and sacrifices. 

[tnerb90]

Like the legend of the Phoenix...

Today is the first day of the rest of your life...

Yes, it’s true. It’s been almost 2 years since my last post and here we go again. It feels like Into the Spiderverse. Let’s start from the beginning one more time....I wanted to create a new profile and start fresh, acting like none of the previous failures happened. I’m still tempted to, even as I write. 

But here we go again. I read through each and every post again, looking for patterns. Looking for strengths. Looking for lessons basically. So what happened? A fuckton of different factors, I’m sure. Underlying stress was a big one. I didn’t really acknowledge it much in past posts because I didn’t realize how drastic it was until I started my current job, outside of counseling. Since 2019 when I started...global pandemic. Fired from CHILL. Took 2 jobs that I flamed out on, including a DOH investigation and dealt with that for several months. More?... All the change at PV... Jessie leaving. Jone being fired. Peggy leaving. Desiree taking over as my boss.... also promotion to PHP Manager... burning the fuck out. Changing buildings.... A lot of stress. Looking back, it’s such a relief that I’m not there anymore. I quit PV in April 2022, so it’s been nearly a year now. Working at Conquest now obviously. From early on, I could tell this was a much better fit for me, and it continues to be. Especially stress-wise.... 

But the stress stuff was just underlying it all. Looking at my habits themselves, I can see a lot of areas for improvement... namely, the fad diet thing. I mean, I said it from day 1 that I’ve tried them all and nothing’s worked. So of course, I continue the same method again and failed again. Sure, I lost weight each time. But how sustainable was it? Obviously not very. Because I never once got below 300. Idk if that’s a mental barrier or what. But it sucks. I was doing so well. Got to 300 then gained it back + more. Then got to 302 or whatever...of course, I gained it back+more. Again. A -fuckin-gain.... Looking back, even though it felt like I was onto something (again, losing weight wasn’t the issue, I was doing it). But the method was unsustainable. Panicking over whether beans are too high carb. Sugar free italian ice...corn... chili...apples and honey on rosh hashana. Like come on man. You were doing great! Why was I so worked up about being perfect. It was such an unhealthy all-or-nothing mindset. I felt that if I wasn’t perfect, it was a failure. So one slip easily leads to “fuck it” I can’t do it! Or fuck it! Today’s ruined anyway, might as well start fresh tomorrow. Or monday. Or.... next year. Idk.

Ok, stress. Trying the same old methods/mindset. What else? I’m sure I started smoking again right after the last post. It was late July, early Aug when I got my card. So I’m sure that + the “promotion” and the shitshow that followed did it for me. 

What else?

I’m burying the lede here. The biggest thing I’ve learned so far this time, is I need help... I always do this shit alone. Because I’m afraid to be a burden on others. Or afraid that if I’m accountable to someone I can’t quit and ghost on myself. 

Okay. So those were the major lessons taken from a negative side. Now the positives.... in one of the previous posts, I had the eureka moment that should have always been obvious, but I guess I was in denial or something. I have a fucking eating disorder. BED? Sure. Regardless of the diagnosis, I overeat. Not just overeat. I eat to soothe myself. I eat as a coping mechanism. I can’t believe it wasn’t as obvious my whole life. Like wow. I was stressed AF. I ate. Then I was at peace on the couch. What a fucking concept. Really hard puzzle to figure out. 

(Sidebar- another negative I forgot to mention. I was so harsh on myself. I beat myself up for every little detail, mistake, craving, etc. so maybe I’ll trying being easier on myself, not bees a sarcastic ass like in the previous paragraph.)

Ok. Strengths. I understand now that I was using food to cope. It’s a huge development for me. Like Rogers said, now that I accept it, I can change it. Another thing positive, is I was journaling! I had an outlet! That was awesome. And apparently it’s still beneficial for me to look back on and learn from myself. My mindset. etc.  

So overall, I couldn’t handle my stress. I was using food to cope with that stress. I was being perfectionistic, all-or-nothing about it. I was being harsh on myself. Another thing I forgot to mention was how concerned I was at times with what others may have thought. So again, doing it alone. Hiding it from others. Ironically, I think I did that in order to feel like I wasn’t doing it “for them”. If I do it alone without telling anyone, I’m obviously doing it for myself right? Nah. I need support. Help. Accountability. All of it. And on my own, what did I do? Intermittent fasting. Keto. IF again...counting cals... keto again... Through these past few years, I was also so paralyzed by fear. I didn’t know what to do. I kept failing. I didn’t know what to do that would work... it was really scary for a while. I felt I needed bariatric surgery. I saw no hope otherwise. And the price was of course out of reach.... 

And here we are. March 1, 2023. Another do-over. But what else can I do? Stop trying? Give up? No. Like the legend of the phoenix, all ends with beginnings. So again, I rise and try again. Fall down 7 get up 8. To be continued in my next post above.

[legends-live-in-memories]

First Impressions

AYO its ya girl! let me pretend i didnt fall off the face of the earth for the entirety of july and august as i slide you Bio Dad Bruce Wayne Day 1- Meeting for the First Time 

Maribat Masterlist AO3 @maribat-bdbwm

Word Count: 1.2K words

Summary: 

Marinette could barely contain her excitement.

She was going to meet her father for the first time ever!

BD!Bruce Wayne Day 1- Meeting for the First Time

without further ado:

The plane ride was long and boring. Hours upon hours of listening to the whispered conversations and the poorly concealed snores was enough to drive normal people insane. The seat, though lavish and soft, grew uncomfortable after the first three hours of the fourteen hour flight. She slept, ate and watched two movies but there were still three more hours to go. Marinette’s neck had cramped from being seated for so long but not once did she let her discomfort show. She was a big girl now, all of ten years old, and she would not embarrass her mother and her training while being in first class of the plane. 

“Don’t look so tense, darling,” her mother’s sweet voice called out to her, a warm hand on her shoulder. “The plane will be landing soon and then you can stretch your legs.”

“Yes, maman,” despite her discomfort, she was still excited. It was her first time going to America and she was going to meet her birth father! Her parents have spoken of him a few times but each time left her yearning for more; yearning to know the man that made her, that gave her her eyes and pale complexion. She imagined all the possibilities. Was he kind? Was he secretly funny? He was probably as big as her papa! Her maman liked tall guys, she said it made her feel safe. Marinette wanted to feel safe too. He was a warrior, her maman had said, a hero. Could he fight like her papa? Her papa used his imposing size to his advantage, overpowering all his enemies but never causing a scene. Maman used to tell her stories about her papa, about how he used to be known as The Silent Bear, a strong fighter who worked with a group called the League of Shadows before becoming a member of their village. Was her father from that group too? Maman never told her how she met neither her papa nor her father. 

“Marinette,” her voice called her attention. “We’ve landed, sweetie, let’s go.”

Disembarking was a whirlwind of bustling bodies and luggage. The airport smelled different from the Pudong Airport. Not a foul smell, but it was stuffy with fear and anxiety. It made Marinette’s skin crawl. Her maman’s grip on her arm was anchoring as she was dragged throughout the airport and into an awaiting black car. It was nighttime and Marinette was, despite the long flight, still restless with excitement. She watched as her maman merely nodded at the driver before they were off into the night. 

The city was much different from where she grew up. She knew of only her maman’s village and the elders that lived there. The tall buildings, skyscrapers, her English teacher’s voice said, were infinite as they reached for the sky. Some looked old, lined in brick and gargoyles while others were steel and silver like the shiniest of knives. They complemented each other, like the blade and hilt of an old sword. The traffic was crazy though. Marinette has never seen so many cars going in the same direction except for the journey to the airport in Shanghai. 

On top of one of the older buildings, perched on a gargoyle, Marinette saw a shadow. She couldn’t tell what it was until it opened its wings and jumped, swooping over the city like a bat out of hell. 

“Maman! Did you see that?” She was shaking her maman’s sleeve to get her attention to the figure. “It’s him! It’s him!”

“Yes, darling.” Her maman’s smile was sweet and sent warm feelings all throughout her tiny body. “Just be patient, dear.” 

The car turned off the main road and in another five minutes was pulling up to what Marinette believed was called the Gotham Harbour. There were shipping crates and the distinct smell of salt water and dead fish. Marinette couldn’t control her face and turned her nose up in disgust. Not the worst smelling place she’s been but still not nice. The car crawled around corners until it stopped between two forklifts. Before her stood the same figure she witnessed in the city. 

The Dark Knight.

The Caped Crusader.

Batman.

Her father. 

Her maman and papa had never referred to him by his real name; Marinette didn’t think he had one besides ‘Batman.’ He was always ‘the Bat’ or ‘Batman’ when her parents spoke of him. He cared for his city, he fought for justice and was an honest man. But she wanted, no, needed to know more. Would he win in a fight against her papa? Her maman? Her maman was rather fond of long-ranged weapons but her parents said he was a close-ranged fighter like her papa. The excitement was sweet on Marinette’s tongue. She had so many thoughts and questions to voice, none that she could voice from the seclusion of the car.

“Wait here, Marinette.” Her maman had a look on her face, staring out the windshield, boring into the man waiting for them. She had that look whenever she faced a troublesome problem. She fixed her with a softer look, her eyebrows relaxing but her dark eyes as cold as ever. “And remember your manners.”

It was like ice had been injected into her veins. Marinette put a lid on her excitement. Her mother had let her joviality run free long enough. She was representing her village now. She was not going to embarrass her upbringing. Her fidgeting stopped and she took large breaths to calm her heart and mind. She would not be naive into thinking her father would be as warm and welcoming as her dreams had crafted. But she still hoped. Just a teeny bit. 

“Yes, mother,” was her response. Her mother nodded at that and stepped out of the car without a word.

She couldn’t hear what they were saying and her lip-reading skills were not the best. Her mother barely came up to this man’s shoulders. Her deep red blouse was the only splash of colour against his black silhouette. Marinette looked at the crates that boxed them in and saw more figures hidden in the shadows. Those must be his birds. They were unmoving, and huge. Most of them.

Tapping on the glass of her side of the car brought her attention back to her mother. Her eyebrows were back in their previous scrunch. Taking a deeper breath, Marinette squared her shoulders and stepped out of the car. The chill of the air against her skin reminded her of her earrings, her greatest weapon if things went bad. 

She prayed things didn’t go bad.

With a final look at her mother, she stood as tall as she could and paced to her father. To Batman.

Holy cow, Batman!

This was the moment of truth. She would not embarrass herself or her family name. 

“Hello, father,” she started. She kept her voice low and as even as possible, remembering her manners. Her keen eye caught the hesitation in his breathing, she felt the energy on the harbour shift at her words. She took the silence, that lasted only a second, to fully look at the man before her. He was an impressive figure indeed and her mother liked her men tall, but something stuck out to her. Her curiosity rang out and threw her manners away. Her next words left her before she could fully think them over. 

“I thought you’d be taller.”

[leonaluv]

Channel - Future - Spouse reading

Try to choose one pile, because when each of the piles has different meanings and vibes to it overall. I will post the different options. Which will be three different options 💫.

I will post option two tomorrow 💌 and also grammar issues 🤡 I need a proofreader

Take the reading as if you are seeing the future with your spouse having a conversation.

Pile one -

Messages: strong Cologne, loves your cooking, talkative, jazz music, super romantic

The late 30s to 40 years old

I love you with all my heart and thank you for the seafood & my favorite is the crab legs. Your smile makes me blushed. I remember when I was working in the garage you came out of the house, casual In just your towel. ( he stutters remembering this part ). I was trying to be productive and use my free time for fixing the car and now it changes I have to put you on my " to-do list. " I’m in love with your smell - intoxicating to me. Make me want to drown in your scent. I love you with my soul, spirit, and good looks. I know you are worried about me looking at others, but don’t worry about me. I only think of you. I think of you for cutting up small -bites sandwiches. My son thanks only you sometimes, and I promise (I’m okay with him not thanking me ) I wish he would hang out with me more.  Sometimes the first time frustrates me. So we need you to be in the middle. People sometimes assume we aren’t a couple. Makes me angry!!!! Last but not least Happy Anniversary to 14 years and more many happy times.

Pile two ✌️

Hi, baby, you look good in the morning, don’t you? I think we should stay in bed and do “some fun stuff.” I don’t like how you to work, because I rather we just play around. I am kicking out my old habits, it just takes time. I pick on you and tease you. It you just because I saw - you - . I don’t want to mention it.  I hope we can fix things and meet soon.  I know I will see you after work.  I just want to be with you. Now! I had those plans that I took ( inaudible) so. I want to start a family with you. I know it is suddenly.  When we get old, who will take care of us? I mean look at us were both tall and athletic. ( Answering you ) Thank you. I do get you that you’re anxious that I won’t be here. I promise I keep to my word. I love you. Now you are late to work. So just call in sick okay!

Messages: playful but moody, clingy, emotional distance at times, July, pop music, the weekend songs - early 20s age

Babe!  You won’t believe it, I just got something big! This will be great for us and it will be great & life-changing. Get up!  We got to go now! Get in, get In and get in! ...Alright, sorry for yelling. It was something huge.  I landed a job. We got to be the first ones to take advantage of it. / A couple of days later after the big event that happens/  That trip, we went on was so relaxing and your one with nature. ( I love you ) We should go on more trips and do hiking (camping). Remember that star ✨? ( camping trip near water you guys went on ) Comet ☄️ (Has an L name. ) Wanted to give you something. / Future spouse hands you a certificate for star name it has your name on it. “ Because your my wish that came true.” ( laughs 😄 ) “ I don’t feel so good babe “ That food I ate - I know you told me not to eat it.  I’m going to go lay down. / Next year / Hey remember that trip we took, we should go again with the boys (your kids ) this time. I did get sick, but this time I will listen to you.  Our daughter will be home from collge soon, but she doesn’t do the outdoors. You know she is like you sensitive .. Wait why are you walking away I didn’t mean anything bad about that.

Messages: late twenties, loves the outdoors, many kids 😆, and person could be self employed.

Pile four

Hey, it has been a while since I wrote a letter. I am romantic after all that is why you marry me, remember that one time I got you a live band for your surprise party.  The food at the event was a little too spicy.  I love every minute of it. We should continue to do that type of stuff now.  Also, you are so sexy!  I-  get lost in words 💬 trying to think of what to say. I am a foreigner, but I have been working in different languages. Here is a song that speaks to me about you. Way v - loves talks. What I mean by that is, I love hearing you talk. You excite me. I think about you when I'm at work. I'm a little sad we can't talk for long. I miss you and love you.

Look up the lyrics to this song 💀

Messages: mature vibe, initials J, L, M, or E, pain, and long-distance , / headache

[justaredheadf1fan]

Zandvoort incoming

So, we're back with the 2nd weekend of the triple header after the Summer Break!

I'm currently watching yesterday's press rounds and I'll continue with FP1 before I have to go to work. I'll watch FP2 probably when I'm back after midnight or, if I'm way too tired, along with FP3 tomorrow.

At least in the first round of our boys, the interviews haven't really been interesting at all and, in the second round, there was this little comment coming from Mick about the flares, that he thinks there was way too much smoke and that it smelled pretty bad last year. Tell'em, darling.

Plus, Estie Bestie saying that he wants Mick as his new teammate again is so wholesome I can't even, and Mick's cute smile says it all. Please, Alpine, I'd follow you guys till the end of times 🤩

--------------

Onto FP1, nothing much happening at the beginning, BUT we get now a Red Flag because Verstappen's car stopped on track. Why doesn't this happen during the races? WHY?

Not sure why at the very start of FP1 Mick said "What the Hell" on the radio but look, he summarized my whole life in half a second.

He went out on track right at the time the Red Flag came out, so I think unfairly, he'll likely get fined in some way. I think he got out with double Yellow Flags, but anyway, nothing new around here.

Now I have to listen to the moronic Spanish commentators talking about how Magnussen and Leclerc shut themselves up before speaking about Lewis. I'm sorry what? Leclerc never says anything bad really about anyone, Magnussen as blunt as he is never makes comments like the one Fernando did, no one does.

I'm sorry but the real problem isn't that Alonso called Lewis an idiot, which most drivers do at some point after some problem about anyone, the problem was not only the tone but the comment about Lewis not knowing how to drive if he didn't start from P1. That's disrespectful, period. Especially when you talk about someone you're salty about since '07 and you've clearly never respected the way you should, even if he's proven time and time again that he's way better than you ever were. And I for one do believe Fernando's one of the best in the last 20 years, but this is not acceptable, I'm sorry.

And now the commentators go back to the piercings subject. Shut the fuck up, honestly. All because last week after his crash he wouldn't go to the Medical Centre for a check up, which is compulsory for crashes over 15Gs, and they revolved back to the piercings thing. Do these people let go of any grudges against those who aren't their favorite drivers? Jesus.

That said, Checo almost ate the wall there. Not enough, in my opinion, but whatever 🤣

Anyway, despite all that and Norris calling Seb "silly" after almost crashing against him, nothing much going on in FP1. Let's see if I make it to the end of my shift and then I can watch FP2 before going to bed. Good thing is the Merc boys on top for now, but...

--------------

As soon as I stepped into work I saw the news about Oscar Piastri. What a shocker.

The problem with this is all the lies that have surfaced after the CRB's statement that Piastri signed July 4th. If we all look at what's been going on in the last 2 months, nothing adds up until you realize that McLaren have been humiliating Daniel for so much longer than we all wanted to think they were. It's unbelievable. And so, so, so fucked up.

Other than this, nothing much going on in FP2 until Yuki lost the car and had to get out, causing a Red Flag truth be told.

I've just been inspired to check accommodation for next year's Barcelona GP while I watch FP2, because there's not much else to pay attention to.

I have no clue how good the race was in past seasons or how good it'll be on Sunday, but that old school steep turn looks truly appealing, aesthetically at least, I mean.

Unfortunately, tiredness is calling and pulling me to bed now. Formulify's schedule for this weekend is totally fucked up, since it only matches a few of the sessions, so I'll try to catch FP and Quali on time.

Peace out!

[sturchling]

The Gilded Poppy Meets Marinette

First of all, I hit 1000 followers last night! Thank you all so much, this is so cool. If there is anything special y’all want me to do for 1000 followers, let me know. 

This is an idea that I saw and talked about with @anastasian-dreamer and @musicfeedsmysoul12 and I loved it so much. I just had to write it out! I will write another one where the Poppy helps to defeat Hawkmoth. Find it here. I hope you all like it!

Nikolai and Remy had met the Dupain-Chengs not long after they met each other. They were only 15 and had not yet mastered being thieves. They needed food and they decided to try stealing from a popular local bakery. The plan was for Remy to talk to the bakers and distract them, while Nikolai grabbed some bread. The plan, however didn’t work at all. Sabine caught Nikolai the instant he touched the bread. But instead of getting mad and calling the police, Sabine gave them the bread with a smile. Sabine could tell they were living on the streets when they came in and since the bakery was doing well, Sabine didn’t see the harm in giving the boys free food. The boys thanked them and left the bakery with their stomachs full.

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That wasn’t the last time they went to Tom and Sabine’s bakery. They often went there and the couple always gave them free food. They grew close with the family and one day met their daughter Marinette. The boys were in the bakery, talking to the couple as they ate when a young girl, who couldn’t have been older than six, came into the room. The little girl looked at the teen boys and with a big smile on her face, asked her mother, “Mama, are they the ones you give all the bread to? Can they come play with me?” Sabine looked at the little girl with a kind smile, “If they want to Marinette.” That is how Remy and Nikolai found themselves being led into the most pink bedroom they had ever seen, with a plate full of fresh cookies and one very excited six year old. As they played with Marinette, the two boys agreed to make sure no harm ever came to this little girl and her parents, and to make sure to pay them back for their kindness.

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Years went by, and the Gilded Poppy was now a well known group of thieves made up of six people. Despite being busy with their heists, Remy and Nikolai always made a point to visit their favorite bakery every time they were in Paris. The rest of the Gilded Poppy often came with them and had also grown to care for the Dupain-Cheng family. Remy and Nikolai acted as older brothers for Marinette and the rest of the Poppy were like the crazy aunts and uncles of their weird family. Jett, Remy, and Zoe often got up to crazy schemes (nothing illegal, but always funny) with Marinette, the four of them constantly laughing. Vivienne would talk to Marinette for hours about fashion and her latest designs. Remy and Nikolai had also started sending the family expensive gifts to pay back their kindness from all those years ago.

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On one trip to the bakery, as they ate their food and talked with Tom and Sabine, the door to the bakery was flung open by Marinette, who rushed by and up to her room without a word, very clearly upset. Tom and Sabine just looked resigned at this point. They knew this was likely the work of that liar Lila Rossi, but there wasn’t much they had been able to do to help Marinette. They supported her as best they could at home, but they hadn’t made any progress with the school. When Nikolai asked what was wrong, they told the Poppy the whole story. Needless to say the Poppy was furious that some third rate con-woman had been making life hard for Marinette. And they were going to try there best to stop it right now. 

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For the next few days, they followed the liar around discreetly. They listened to all her lies and listened to the class falling for them. Any time that Lila lied and said Marinette was bullying her, the Poppy had a hard time not jumping in right then, but they knew they needed to wait for the right lie at the right moment. So they watched as the liar continued to lie about everything under the sun and the class isolate Marinette more and more. The only person that seemed to stand by her was Adrien Agreste. Other than that, all her other friends had abandoned her, and it made the Poppy furious. But they soon got their perfect moment to intervene.

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Marinette was away at a doctor’s appointment and Lila was using the opportunity to come up with the most outlandish lies she could say, since the designer wasn’t there to mess anything up. She was telling the class about some of her ‘adventures in Italy’ when she came up with a new story. The Gilded Poppy was in the news a lot lately, so Lila claimed to have almost caught them once during a heist in Venice. She told the class she had risked her safety to safeguard a priceless painting and how the Poppy had threatened her, but she still did what she thought was right. Alya was looking at Lila with stars in her eyes. “Wow Lila! That is amazing. No wonder you are Ladybug’s best friend, you are already like a hero.” The class fawned over their friend’s ‘heroic deeds’ not knowing they were being listened to by a certain conman.

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Remy couldn’t believe the idiocy of this liar and the class. He and Nikolai really needed to convince Tom and Sabine to move Marinette out of this class. But that is a discussion for another time. For now, the liar had backed herself into a corner and Remy would be able to put an end to this madness. He quickly fell into character and approached the class. “Pardon me, but did I hear your story about the Gilded Poppy correctly?” Lila smiled at the stranger, always looking to charm and amaze the people she met. “Yes, it is true. If it wasn’t for me, they would have stolen that masterpiece.” Remy put on his most charming smile, making sure he sounded calm and happy. “That is amazing. I am a true crime author and am writing a book about the Gilded Poppy. I would love to include your story in my book. When did this happen? What were they trying to steal? And where were they stealing it? Tell me everything.” Remy knew the girl would take the bait. From what he could tell, this girl lied for attention and fame,  so the offer to be in a book would be too good to resist. Remy smirked as Lila jumped into a story about how last August, the Poppy had tried to steal the famous  Ginevra de’ Benci painting from the Museo Correr and ending her tale with how the Poppy had threatened to kill her for stopping them. 

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Lila had finished her story and expected this author to be as astonished and fooled as the class. But instead she was met with a confused look. Remy made sure he looked perfectly confused before innocently asking, “Young lady, what are you talking about? Please don’t waste my time with made up stories.” The class looked confused at the man in front of them, before Nino spoke up. “What do you mean sir? Lila isn’t lying.” Remy looked at the class with a practiced cool look. “I do not wish to be rude, but she is lying. I have several accounts, including witnesses, police reports, and news articles that put the Poppy in New York from last July to September. They weren’t in Venice. They also are notoriously non-violent. They wouldn’t threaten to kill you. Also, the painting you mentioned is famously held in the National Art Gallery in Washington D.C., not the Museo Correr in Venice. You can all look this up, it is common knowledge.” The class all pulled out their phones, trying to prove that their friend wasn’t lying. Trying to defend her against this author. But they couldn’t find anything. They saw that everything this author said was true. About the Poppy, about the painting, everything. They quickly turned to their friend, now realizing that she was a liar. They started yelling at her and the school courtyard dissolved into chaos. It was so chaotic that no one noticed that Remy had disappeared.

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Things got a lot better for Marinette after that. Lila was exposed as the liar she is and the chaos of that day even drew Mr. Damocles out of his office. Once he found out what happened and the extent of Lila’s lies, Lila was expelled from school. The class did apologize to Marinette, but the friendships were already to damaged to be mended by a simple apology. Remy and Nikolai did end up convincing Tom and Sabine to switch Marinette out of that class. Now Marinette was in Mrs. Mendeleiev’s class and was much happier. She had made a bunch of new friends and the class had a lot less drama going on. The Poppy was just happy to see their dear Marinette happy again and was glad they could help her. 

[creativeashproductions]

Curiosity // Luke Patterson

Summary: After filling up another journal designed his songbook Luke is left empty handed. With the offer to a shelf of blanket journals is given he’s immediately choosing. But Luke’s curiosity leads him to a discovery. In other words Luke finds Perfect Harmony in Reader’s bedroom.

Requested: Yes by @averyharrypotterlife​ 

Warnings: None.

Words: 1.7 (including lyrics)

A/N: Thank you from the bottom of my heart for the 5000+ followers whether it was years ago and you didn’t unfollow or in the future. Thank you for enjoying and interacting in something I’ve always loved: writing.

TO BE TAGGED SEND AN INBOX PLEASE!

Masterlist

Luke’s always been a curious person going as far back as his early childhood. The most consistent evidence being during the Christmas holidays. Until he was ten, yes, he’s aware that his friends stopped believing in Santa way earlier. The young lad would stay up hidden in the living room waiting to catch Santa. Without fail, Luke would wake up in his outer space planet sheets having fallen asleep in his mission.

When he was twelve years old, he was left at his aunt and uncle’s house for the weekend due to a work-related thing. His older cousin was eighteen at the time and at college, so Luke stayed in his bedroom. Luke couldn’t help but snoop through Bryan’s personal items, and in a drawer with a false bottom, he discovered magazines.

Luke had a lot of fun that weekend diligently going through the magazines his mother would skin his hide even knowing about them. He may have had to use the excuse of having a cold for the entire box of Kleenex missing. No one was the wiser on that weekend.

Now when Luke was fourteen years old, he had snuck into the Rated R film Candyman with Alex and Reggie. Luke’s parents had been strict in their rules and definitely had shot down the question of seeing the film. The three didn’t sleep with the lights out for a month after that, and the truth came out when no lie was sufficient to their concerned parents.

Luke Patterson didn’t care about boundaries. Why ask for permission when you can just ask for forgiveness? It worked with going through Julie’s dream box, but all personal items got hidden from the ghostly guitarist.

“No!” Luke exclaimed flipping through his song journal once more in hopes of a blank page. The frustration in his body snapping the pencil he had been using.

“You good?” You questioned glancing up from the essay you graded as a teacher’s assistant for an AP course. Luke’s frustrated brown met yours with a cute pout on his lips.

“I’ve filled my journal up. I hate using loose-leaf, but no money means no buying things.” Luke roughly scrubbed one hand on his face.

“You could always just forever borrow one from the- “Luke quickly shot that down with a look of absolute horror, “Okay…so stealing a no.”

“I did listen to my parents on certain aspects. I would never steal anything, other than the food when we didn’t have enough cash.” Luke’s brown hue had softened back into the hazel that caused flutters in your heart, “I have no respect for thieves.”

You nodded before scribbling a suggestion on the paper in dark red, “I have a shelf in my room dedicated solely to blank journals. If you want to, you can take one free of charge.”

With a quick smile, Luke disappeared from the room to your personal domain he sometimes hung out with you in. You had no misgivings on the teen finding solace in your room and gave him free rein; your prized possessions hidden very well.

Luke appeared in the soft blue and lilac bedroom with the queen white iron wrought style bed in the middle. A white desk in the corner with a multitude of bookcases and shelves in the room. The desk chair neatly pushed into the desk as well he went straight to the shelf.

Journals of all colours and styles with a label on the shelf noting them as empty. It was packed with dozens, but it was the midnight blue one that called to the boy. In his reach, he bumped an emerald green one off the edge. It opened having hit the edge of the desk.

As he leaned down, he noticed notations in the margins, now remember how Luke is a curious guy? He only hesitated a second before he was reading the pages of words in your signature script.

The guilt flared for a second before he justified it as being on the shelf you declared free game. So Luke settled sitting criss-cross against the side of your bed reading the words so eloquently written. Even notes allowed Luke to hear the melody in his mind.

Assignment: Write a piece of literature from two points of views. Genre doesn’t matter as long as it is a minimum of one page and not exceed eight.

Step into my world

Bittersweet love story ’bout a girl

Shook me to the core

Voice like an angel

I’ve never heard before

The words took his breath away, recalling a moment he gushed to Alex on how he had caught you singing. He had described your voice as being angelic, and it took him by complete surprise. He remembered Julie, and you entered the room shortly after with a nervous feeling if you had heard. Now Luke had his answer. His phantom heart pounded in anticipation for the reply to this first point of view.

Here in front of me

They’re shining so much brighter

Than I have ever seen

Life can be so mean

But when he goes, I know he doesn’t leave

The smile threatened to split his face with the elation as he continued reading with a subconscious hum. His fingers tapping the sides of the paper as his hazel irises tinged green ate up the words.

The truth is finally breaking through

Two worlds collide when I’m with you

Our voices rise and soar so high

We come to life when we’re

In perfect harmony

Whoa-oa-oa, whoa-oa-oa

Perfect harmony

Whoa-oa-oa, whoa-oa-oa

Perfect harmony

The world faded as Luke distinctly heard your angelic voice singing the parts he could easily recognize as perfect for you. There was something so powerful in this incredibly personal song only intended for your eyes and your teachers.

The next handful of lines left him breathless and astonished as he visualized not sitting across from each other. But engaging in another art form that can be so incredibly intimate for people; he imagined singing this while holding you in his arms.

You set me free

You and me together is more than chemistry

Love me as I am

I’ll hold your music here inside my hands

We say we’re friends, we play pretend

You’re more to me, we’re everything

Our voices rise and soar so high

 We come to life when we’re

 In perfect harmony

 Whoa-oa-oa, whoa-oa-oa

 Perfect harmony

 Whoa-oa-oa, whoa-oa-oa

 Perfect harmony

Luke went from humming to softly singing to the heartfelt tune with a flutter of butterflies deep in his stomach. When Julie saw Unsaid Emily, he had denied it as an experiment, and it was the truth. Luke wrote rock anthems and rock-pop with his living friend. He never dabbled into romantic ones.

He’d never read something so poetically beautiful it felt him weeping at the sheer amount of feelings.

I feel your rhythm in my heart

Yeah yeah yeah

You are my brightest burning star

Whoah whoah oh

I never knew a love so real (so real)

We’re heaven on earth

Melody and words

When we’re together we’re

In perfect harmony

Whoa-oa-oa, whoa-oa-oa

Perfect harmony

Whoa-oa-oa, whoa-oa-oa

We say we’re friends (we play pretend)

You’re more to me (we create)

Perfect harmony

His eyes found the last line of the song setting him back in a dead silence returning to the start to reread it. On his third read, he found the notes from your teacher on a separate page.

Y/N, in my years of teaching, I’ve never read something with such meaning behind it. The longing, passion, respect and love you artfully encapsulated is rare. To have written, this means you’ve felt this. No corrects needed, and I felt compelled to not mark on the piece. Thank you for being vulnerable with me, for letting me step inside your mind and please never let this emotion fade.

Your grade is A+.

Luke’s lips pulled apart at the genuine words your teacher had written because it indeed was a word of art. Carefully Luke returned the notebook back to the shelf to retrieve the blue one that caught his attention. AS he turned, he found you leaning against the door frame with a soft smile.

“I am so sor-“

“No.” You replied, walking into the room, “You’ve got nothing to be sorry for. I told you any notebook on that shelf. I can’t get mad, and I’ve seen you can’t leave something half-read.”

“Probably why my book reports were insanely well done in school.” Luke joked as you stepped in his personal space. The tension faded from his shoulders as he took in your features, “You got a perfect grade.”

“I did.” You simply spoke, staring up into his eyes, “You helped me with it.”

“How?”

“You told Alex what you felt about my voice. You looked nervous when I walked in, so I let it go. It wasn’t the time to bring it up. It’s called Perfect Harmony.” You told the ghost gently grazing your fingertips on his hand. The feeling sends shudders down his spine.

“I guess it just wasn’t the right time. With the band and-“

“-the whole soul owning thing. Too much but now that you’ve read that…what do you feel?” You hesitantly asked because reading it and discovering how someone feels is another to if the feelings are reciprocated back.

“That I was always meant to live in 2020. That I was meant to love you with every atom in my very being.” Luke murmured before he crashed his lips onto your own in a searing kiss that had your toe-curling.

The midnight blue journal dropped to the floor as his large calloused hands cupped your face to feel the warmth. The very journal would be filled with songs all about this person, Luke adored not matter his state as a ghost. Two worlds collided just as two souls came together in perfect harmony.

So, wrapped up in each other Luke didn’t notice something magical encased in the warm love. In the bedroom, the two teens were kissing in had two distinct heartbeats with a glow emanating from Luke Patterson.

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[sunmoonandeddie]

‘cause you are, you are

pairing: lumberjack!bucky barnes x reader

word count: 8,436

summary: Bucky’s found someone out on his front lawn during a snowstorm.  Well, Alpine found her.  If only he knew what he was getting into.

warnings: Bad words!  Violence!  Mention of kidnapping!  Mention of military violence/injury!  Mention of suicidal thoughts!

a/n:  So the song I listened to that kinda really inspired this is ‘Get You the Moon’ by Kina.  Also, this was commissioned by @buckysbunny​ and I really hope you love it, babe!

“Come on, Al,” Bucky said as he led his dog up the front steps of his cabin, carrying all the grocery bags inside.  He had a cigarette between his teeth, keeping it steady as he unlocked the door and let the gorgeous samoyed inside.  “Atta girl.”

The cabin was just as he left it three hours ago when he left to go grocery shopping.  As it should.

And Alpine was already standing at her bowl, wagging her tail.  She knew what time it was.

“You hungry, baby girl?” He asked with a grin as he grabbed the beef he’d been thawing in the sink and opened it up.  “Today’s a beef day.  We both know how much you love cows, yeah?”  He put a cup of beef in her bowl, powdering in her supplements.  “The best girl deserves the best food, yeah?” He asked as he cracked two eggs on top of it, before setting it on the ground.  Bucky couldn’t help but grin at the way that Alpine sat there in front of the bowl, waiting for the go ahead as her tail wagged aggressively.  “Eat.  Good girl.”

Kicking off his boots, he started up a fire in the fireplace.  The clouds were rolling in, the sun already setting.  He’d lived on the mountain long enough to know when the first real snow of the season was setting in.  They’d already had flurries, sure, but…  The first real snow was the first one that had everyone locked inside, unable to go anywhere for weeks.  He could smell it on the air.

Thankfully he was all stocked up on wood, so they’d be warm.  He’d already moved up Alpine’s dinner time so it would still be light outside when she needed to go outside to use the bathroom.  And they had more than enough food in the fridge and in the deep freeze to last them the entire winter, if they needed.  They’d be okay.

Honestly, his biggest worry was losing Alpine in the snow.  She was a big floof of white fur.  She always came when he called, but still.  It was the principle of it.

After she went to the bathroom, the two of them curled up on the couch while he ate and they watched whatever DVD he popped in.  He’d probably binge watch the box set of nature documentaries he’d gotten.

They were… relaxing.  After spending a few tours in Afghanistan, he needed relaxing.

It had been ten years, but… some things don’t fade with time.  Some things stick like gummy bears on a car seat in July.

It was past midnight when Alpine raised her head from his lap, a low whine in the back of her throat.  By then, he’d cracked open a beer and been fully ready to fall asleep there.

“Al?  Come on, baby girl, there’s nothing out there,” he said reassuringly.  It was snowing heavily, and he’d estimate there was already about seven inches deep with no sign of stopping.

But Alpine gets off the couch and runs for the door, barking sharply.

“What the hell has gotten into you?” He asked as he watched her.  “Alpine, come.”

For the first time in the four years since he’d gotten her, she didn’t listen.

Instead, she let out another bark as she clawed at the door.

“Al,” he groaned as he forced himself up.  He left the beer on the coffee table before heading to the door.  “There’s nothing out there.  Just snow.  You’re just gonna get cold and get the floors all wet.”

But, alas, he’s a slave to the desires of his puppy.

It’s kinda pathetic, really.  Not that he cared.

He opened up the door to let her out, frigid air blasting him.  The snow crept up onto the porch, and there was so much coming down it looked almost like a curtain.  “See, Al?  Nothing.”

But she ran out into the snow, nudging at what just looked like another pile of fluffy white snow.  She let out a whine, the only parts clearly visible of her being her dark nose and eyes.

And that’s when a head appeared, and his heart stopped.  What the fuck was a woman doing out in the middle of a snow storm?

Despite the fact that he wasn’t wearing shoes and he’d just changed into a fresh pair of sweats, he ran out to where Alpine was still trying to nudge her awake.  The snow was freezing his toes as he reached down and scooped up the girl, woman, whatever, and carried her inside.

“Come on,” he called out to the samoyed, who was following quickly after him, her tail tucked between her legs.  “You’re such a smart puppy,” he cooed as he laid the girl on the couch.  “You knew she was out there and made sure I got to her.  Good puppy.”

From the color of her lips, there was no doubt in his mind that hypothermia was starting to set in.  And from what she was wearing?  Come on.  She didn’t even have shoes on.  Just two pairs of socks.

Fuck.  He’d have to strip her down.  He needed to get her warm, and the clothes she wore weren’t doing anything to help her since they were thin and soaking wet. “You better not kill me when you wake up,” he grumbled as he pulled her clothes off of her, keeping his eyes averted.  She didn’t even have underwear or a bra on.

It wasn’t that he was some kind of creep.  He just felt awkward.  He didn’t know this woman and he wasn’t some kind of life saver.

Bucky was alarmed by the amount of bruises that covered her body, though it looked as though there was a purposeful lack of them on her face.  There were also what looked like fresh scrapes along her hips.

He wrapped her in every blanket he could find after grabbing fresh clothes from the laundry room and redressing her, cocooning her before shoving the couch closer to the fire so that it may warm her easier.  But she still seemed so cold.  He moved to the kitchen, taking a few hot water bottles from the first aid cabinet and warming them up before gently dabbing one at her face, the only part of her still exposed.

Bucky knew that the only thing he could do now was wait for her to wake up.  Pressing two fingers to her neck, he let out a sigh of relief when he felt her pulse.  “You’re not out of the woods yet,” he said as he grabbed his beer and took a swig.  It was going to be a long night.

Alpine was more than happy with the addition of a new person in their home, if not still a little worried.  She climbed up onto the couch and curled up against her, sniffing at her face and giving her a lick before lying her head down beside her.

“She’ll be okay, Al,” Bucky said quietly as he reached out to give her scritches right above her tail.  He wasn’t sure if he believed it, but…  Maybe Alpine would understand and calm down a little.

My first thought when I woke up was that I was warm.  Really warm.

I hadn’t been warm in such a long time.

My eyelids were so heavy, and I had no desire to open them just yet.

What would I find when I woke up?  If I was back in His possession, in his house, I…  I would need to resort to Plan B.

Technically, Plan B had been Plan A a few times, when things had gotten… especially hard.  But He had caught me before I could succeed.

The last thing I could remember was stumbling through the snow.  I’d managed to finally get out after planning it for months.  I waited until He’d gone out for his nightly trip to the bars before pulling on my two pairs of socks and slipping out through the broken basement window.

The broken glass that I had thought would cause me to freeze to death had become my salvation.

I had been going down the mountain, following the road.  But it had started to snow.  I’m not sure how long I had been walking when I could see the path anymore, or when I saw the light.

The first light I had seen in the stifling white.  It had been coming from a window, cutting through the storm like a beacon of hope.

The wave of relief I had felt at the cabin slowly taking shape in front of my very eyes had been euphoric.  I had started to think that if I was going to die, at least I wasn’t going to die in captivity.

But I hadn’t even made it to the porch steps.

Which brought me to where I am now.  Wrapped up in what I was pretty sure was several blankets.  But I could smell… dog?  He didn’t have a dog.  No pets allowed.

He also didn’t have a crackling fireplace, from what I remember of the few times I’d been allowed upstairs.

Yeah.  Definitely no fireplace.

I made sure to stay completely still as I felt two calloused fingertips press against the pulse point in my neck.

“Well, Al, her heart rate has increased…”

So it was definitely a man.

I’d gotten really good at pretending to be asleep over the years.  Like, really, really good.  It wasn’t often that He’d been able to tell that I was awake if I didn’t want him to know.

There was a whimper, and then a rough tongue licked across my face.  The dog.  Which was (hopefully) this ‘Al.’  I didn’t want to deal with more than one man.

The man sighed and walked away.  “You gonna keep watch over her, baby girl?  I gotta go get a shower.”

Did he think the dog was going to answer him?

As soon as I heard his footsteps going up a set of stairs, I took in a deep breath before slowly letting it out.  I needed to get out of there.  Immediately.

I just had to slip out without him hearing me or the dog making a scene.

I slowly opened my eyes, even though it still felt like I had washers glued to my lashes.

And there was the fireplace.  It was so nice and warm…  I hadn’t felt this toasty in years.  The basement was always so frigid, and with the lack of blankets provided to me, I was always at least a little cold.

Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to stay for a little while…

No.  I shook my head as I forced myself to sit up.  I couldn’t stay.  I had to get out and get down the mountain to civilization.

I gasped as I felt the rough tough on my cheek again, turning to see a huge white dog that looked more like a cloud than an animal.  “Shh…”  I had to work to get my arms out of the blankets to pet it, but it was then that I realized I was not in my original clothing underneath all the swaddling.  My heart sank to my stomach as I felt a wave of panic.

Had he touched me?  Was he no better than Him?

I got most of the blankets off and frowned as I looked down at sweatpants and the long sleeved shirt I was wearing.  They were far too big for me, but they’d have to do.

I kept my steps feather light as I looked around the space I had found myself in.  It was a living room, and rather cozy.  Rustic looking.  I could see the kitchen to my left, and a silent debate with myself started over whether or not I’d have time to grab food for myself before running.  From the way my stomach growled, I knew that I’d have to.

I hadn’t eaten since yesterday, since today was not my scheduled day to eat.

The cloud dog followed me to the fridge, its tail wagging as I grabbed what I could reasonably carry.  It took everything within me to not stop and play with her.  I hadn’t seen a dog in so long, especially not one so sweet.  Its tail kept wagging even as it watched me stealing food.

I was reaching for the jar of pickles when I heard the cocking of a gun, and I turned around to see a large, burly man pointing a handgun at me.  The food in my hands dropped to the ground as I threw my hands up, my heart racing.  The jar of pickles shattered, the glass flying all over the floor.  “I-I’m sorry!  I’m sorry!” I gushed, feeling sweaty under the pressure of the barrel being pointed at me.  “I don’t know where I am.  I j-just woke up and I’m s-so hungry.”

Bucky’s heart pounded as he got out of the shower, hearing a commotion downstairs.

His instincts took over, and he didn’t have time to even think things through before pulling on a pair of briefs and grabbing his handgun from his bedside table before slipping down the stairs.

He had the gun in both hands as he peeked around the corner, seeing a girl digging through his fridge.  It was the cocking of the gun that alerted her to his presence, and she whirled around.

She was pretty, he could acknowledge that much.

It was when she was rambling that suddenly he remembered.  The girl in the snow.  But he’d been certain that she wouldn’t wake up for at least a few more hours.

His startling blue eyes stayed locked on her as he flipped the safety back on.  But he still kept it raised.  “Who are you?” He demanded, his voice gruff, deep.

She gave her name, and he frowned.  Just a first name?  No last?

“Where did you come from?”

“U-Up the mountain,” she said quietly, a few tears rolling down her pretty cheeks.  “Please, I…  I mean no h-harm.  Please.  I’ll go.  I swear.”

He shook his head, slowly lowering the gun.  It wasn’t like she was much of a threat.  She clearly had no idea what she was doing.  “Don’t be stupid.  You already almost froze to death once out in the storm.  Leaving would just mean that you wasted my efforts to save your life.”

“Thank you,” she said stiffly, still not moving from where she was.  It sounded more like a question than a statement.

She was skinny.  Scary skinny.  Of course, he’d seen that when he’d undressed her, but it was even more alarming seeing her in his clothes, seeing how they draped from her frail, bird-like shoulders.

He nodded to the mess around her.  “Stay still.  I don’t want you cutting your feet on the glass.”  Luckily she had the sense to listen as he swept up the glass and pickles, picking up everything around her before mopping.

He didn’t like being close to her, and she clearly didn’t like being close to him either.  Good.  It meant they would be less likely to step on each other’s toes.

Bucky was already very aware that she was going to have to stay until the snow let up enough for her to leave.

“I’m assuming you’re hungry?” He said as he put the mop away.  “You can have food.  I’m not going to starve you after rescuing you.”

She nodded, her stomach grumbling.  “Yes.  Hungry…”

Pointing to the fridge, he leaned back against the kitchen island.  “You can get whatever you want.”  He watched curiously as she reached into the door and grabbed the container of cottage cheese.  “Did you want some warm food?”

“This is fine.”

“You sure?”

“Mhm.”

She was weird.  But he couldn’t really judge considering the fact that he had no idea who she was or where she had come from.

Maybe she was a Russian spy or something.

No, that’s stupid, he reminded himself.  Your military days are over.  No one is looking for you anymore.

He showed her to one of the guest rooms once she finished eating the entire container of cottage cheese, eyeing her in case she vomited.  He had no idea how the hell she did that.  He liked cottage cheese as much as the next person, but still.

“Um…  There’s a shower through there.  And I can… get you some more clothes and stuff,” he said softly.  He stayed far away, out of her reach, and he noticed her doing the same.

She nodded, chewing on her lower lip as she looked around.  “Okay.  Thank you.”

“I’ll let you… get to it then,” he said awkwardly.  A frown settled across his face as he watched Alpine jump up onto the bed as the girl looked into the bathroom.  “Traitor.”

“Can you show me how the shower works?” She asked, poking her head back out.  “And…  What are the… shower rules here?”

A wave of confusion spread over him.  Shower rules?  “Uh…  Just… let me know if you’re gonna shower soon so I know not to use all the hot water?”

“That’s it?”

“Uh… yeah.”

“Oh.  Okay.”  She glanced over at Alpine, who was lying on her bed.  “Are you…  Are you showering soon?”

Bucky’s head tilted to the side, his brows furrowed.  His dark hair was still wet, and he was still in his briefs.

The girl nodded, letting out a weak laugh as her face flushed.  “Right.  Sorry.”  She pointed to the bathroom.  “The… shower?”

“Right!”  He slipped past her into the bathroom, making sure he didn’t touch her, before showing her how to work the knob and change the temperature.  “There we go…  Uh…  Have a good shower.  And I’m James… by the way…”  He let out a huff of air as he stood there with his hands on his hips.  “Right, um…”  He felt a bit awkward as he left quickly then.

I waited until after James had left to lock the bedroom door, swallowing as I shoved the desk chair under the handle.

There was a low whine, and I turned to see the cloud dog still on the bed.  I had thought it had left with him.  “Hi.  I thought you left.”  I reached out and scratched behind its ear, the fur soft under my fingers.

After taking a few minutes to just pet the puppy, I headed to the bathroom where the shower was still running, the mirror fogged up.

It had been so long since I’d had a hot shower.

After locking the bathroom door, I stripped off the clothes I’d been given and folded them nicely, laying them on the counter.  I could see the scrapes along my hips and cursed, wiping off the mirror so I could attempt to see them better.  I was covered in bruises, and the scrapes were clearly fresh.

But I had no idea what James thought of them or where he thought I got them.  Fuck.

I’d have to come up with some kind of excuse unless I was ready to tell him just where I’d come from.

Which just felt like it’d be so much work.  I wasn’t ready for that yet.

I didn’t come out of my room for the rest of the night.  It was the first time I’d ever been truly alone in years.

Even when He was gone, I was never truly alone.  Not when cameras captured every square inch of the basement.

When I crawled into bed, the cloud dog curled up against me and rested its head on my back.

I slept better than I had in years.  Even if I did end up vomiting up the cottage cheese.

Bucky was still confused by the girl three weeks later.  The snow hadn’t let up, which he was kinda upset about because she’d eaten one of the two containers of cottage cheese her first night.

He liked his cottage cheese.  And she ate it.

Which, okay.  He had been able to tell she was hungry and she clearly needed the food more than he did, but still.  She couldn’t have chosen something else?

Now they were having to ration the cottage cheese.  They had about half a cup left and they were both waiting for the other one to finish it off.

He was about ready to just tell her to take it.

He also didn’t understand how she’d stolen his dog from him.  Alpine had transferred her love and loyalty over to the strange girl within thirty seconds of meeting her, and it appeared that there would be no changing that anytime soon.  The dog was always at her side and wouldn’t even go outside to use the bathroom unless she sat on the porch, bundled in one of Bucky’s coats and wrapped in a blanket, and watched her.  Al didn’t even sleep with Bucky anymore.  She slept with the girl, her head on her back as if she was ensuring that she was still breathing.

On one hand, it was absolutely precious.

On the other, Bucky had lost his cuddle buddy.

But they gave each other a wide berth.  They never touched, which he was grateful for.  He didn’t… like touch.  And he got the implication that she didn’t either.

“You know, you living here kinda reminds me of the 2020 pandemic,” he said nonchalantly as they sat in the living room watching tv.  He was on the recliner, and she was curled up on the couch with Alpine in her lap.

Her head tilted to the side as she tore her attention from the movie playing on the tv.  “The what?”

Bucky blinked.  And then he blinked again.  “The…  The 2020 pandemic?  The pandemic three years ago?” He said slowly, his brows furrowed.  “Covid-19?  Everyone had to wear masks?  America was literally a cesspool of selfish assholes who were so stupid they believed Trump?”

“Trump…  Isn’t he that celebrity show host?  He was on Home Alone?  The Lost in New York one?” She asked.

He was going crazy.  He was sure of it.

“What?” She asked, sitting up a little straighter as she crossed her legs applesauce style, causing Alpine to whine before settling back down in her lap.  “Did I say something wrong?”

Bucky leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees.  “Donald Trump became president in the 2016 election.  Then Biden won in 2020.”

Her eyes were wide, her cheeks flushed.  “Oh.”

“How did you not know?” He asked.

She shrugged, wrapping her arms around Alpine.  “I… haven’t watched the news… in a while…”

The man could understand that, but the whole ‘not watched the news’ in a bit really only worked when it came to things like… like a celebrity doing something stupid or a law being passed.  Two whole presidential elections?  That was…  That was Amish levels of ignorance.  Even if she didn’t watch tv, there were billboards and signs and merchandise like those stupid Make America Great Again hats.

As if America had ever been great.  And he had a double right to say that, since he’d been a stupid eighteen year old kid that the military had preyed on, getting him to join up and head overseas when America had no reason to be there.

He’d lost his arm because of it.

“How long has it been since you watched the news?” He questioned, his heart racing.  He had a bad feeling about it.  A really, really bad feeling that settled in his gut.

She buried her face in Alpine’s fur, her shoulders rising and falling as she huffed.

She’d put on some weight since getting there, thankfully.  He’d been making sure she got all her protein and started her on vitamins supplements he had.

“Eleven years…”

He paused, blinking slowly.  “Eleven years?  What the hell do you mean ‘eleven years?’”  He took a moment when he saw the way she flinched away from him.  He’d figured out pretty quick that she couldn’t handle any raising of the voice.  She’d shut down.  “I’m sorry.  I’m sorry.  But…  I still don’t know anything about you except your name.  Not even your last name.  I don’t know where you came from.  I still don’t know how the hell you ended up in my front lawn, half frozen to death.  I…”  He sighed.  “What happened?”

She was quiet for so long that he was sure she wasn’t going to reply.  He started to get ready to stand up, letting out a huff.

“I was thirteen,” I said quietly, my voice barely audible.  Alpine’s fur was so soft in my fingers and against my cheek.  It kept me grounded, kept me tied down to the Earth so I didn’t float away in the cloudy memories that covered the sky in my head.

Bucky was watching me closely, clearly surprised that I’d actually spoken.

My throat felt so dry.  “Um…  It was a few months after my birthday…  And I had just gotten a new phone.  It was… It was one of those sliding phones with a full keyboard?  It had a touch screen, and it was cherry red.”  I couldn’t help but let out a weak laugh as I remembered that stupid phone.  I’d been utterly obsessed with it, like any thirteen year old would be.  “I was in eighth grade and even though most people I went to school with already had an iPhone, that phone was the coolest thing ever.”

He was watching me in a way that was so intense, so focused.  I hadn’t ever had someone look at me like that.  Like he was actually listening.

“And, uh…  I used to walk to the river in the woods by my house,” I said, my voice growing soft again.  “I would go and sit and read on nice days…  I didn’t really have… friends.  I was a bit of a loner, and new.  We’d just moved there that April.”  My heart ached.  I missed that river.  I missed my parents.  More than anything.  “There was a man that I’d see sometimes at the river fishing…”

Bucky’s breath audibly hitched, and I could see his hands gripping his knees tightly.

“I was lonely,” I said, my voice cracking as I clutched onto Alpine that much tighter.  The puppy let out a whine as my eyes water.  “I didn’t have any friends yet.  I was an o-only child…  So, yeah, I’d talk t-to him.  I didn’t think it was wrong.  I f-figured if he was going to do something, he would’ve done it the f-first eighty times I s-saw him.”

“He took you, didn’t he?” He asked quietly, his voice gravelly.

Avoiding his eyes, I gave a short nod.  “Yeah.”

He stood up, his jaw set as he reached for his phone.  “We have to call the police.  If you were being held in a house on this mountain, then that means whoever took you lives close enough for you to have gotten here in a snowstorm.”

“NO!” I said as I scrambled up.  Alpine flopped to the side with a bark as she watched me scramble to knock his cell phone out of his hand.  “No cops!” I breathed out, eyes feral.

“Okay,” he said quietly, his voice soothing as he held up his hands in surrender.  “Okay.  No cops.  I won’t call the cops…”

I could see the confusion on his face, but a wave of relief washed over me as he agreed to not call the cops without asking too many questions.  I’d already shared so much.

“Do you want to watch a movie?” He asked, casually switching the subject as he sat back down.  He didn’t even grab his phone.

“Yeah.  Yeah, that sounds good,” I said as I took my seat again, swallowing thickly.  “Can we watch that one you were telling me about?” I asked as Alpine licked my face before settling in my lap once again.  “The…  The one about the Day of the Dead?”

An easy smile spread across his lips.  “Coco?  Yeah.  We can watch whatever you want.”

There was a shift in the air after she told Bucky about where she’d come from.  They still kept a generally wide berth, but… they were closer.  He was definitely in no hurry for her to leave.  Not when he could keep her safe in his cabin.

He felt a wave of protectiveness every time he thought of her.  He had someone to take care of now.  Other than Alpine and Steve when they were kids, he’d never had that.  Even Rebecca had been so independent growing up.

He liked having someone to protect, to take care of.  He liked checking in on her when he woke up in the morning and when he went to bed.

Which he’d started doing once she’d stopped locking her door at night.

Bucky liked preparing her breakfast and coffee for her in the morning, slowly helping her increase her food intake without hurting her tummy.  He liked checking in on her and making her laugh with his stupid jokes.

He liked… her.  She was easily the prettiest gal he’d seen, even if it was unassuming at first.

But he wasn’t a creep like the man who took her, whoever he was.  He wasn’t going to pressure her into being with him just because he was providing her shelter and food.

He wouldn’t use her like that.

And besides, it wasn’t as though she would want him.  She had just turned twenty-four that year, and he was forty-one.  There was a good seventeen year age gap, and it felt even wider once he’d realized that her education had effectively stopped at thirteen years old.

Of course, he’d started to remedy that.  He’d found some kind of online learning platform that he’d remembered from the pandemic.  Parents had started the free service in order to make sure that kids were still getting their education as schools shut down and they were pushed into Zoom classes in the autumn of 2020, after America failed and sent them back to school.

She was a lot smarter than she realized, and he made sure to tell her as often as possible.

They had a camaraderie that he hadn’t ever expected to find after he’d pushed Steve away.

Steve had been lucky.  He’d been good enough at drawing that he’d gotten a full ride to art school.  He didn’t have to enlist in order to have a future.

It wasn’t that Bucky was bitter about that.  Steve deserved it.  And now Bucky’s job was taking pictures of the mountains he lived on, and he got paid so much that he really only had to work a few months a year.

“You always talk about Steve,” she said softly one night as they ate dinner in the living room, as per their routine.  “Do you still talk to him?”

“Uh…  No,” he said quietly.  “Lately I’ve been thinking about reaching out, though…  I miss him.”

Her head tilted to the side as she looked at him, her spoon halfway to her mouth.  He’d made chicken tortilla soup, since that had apparently become her favorite.  “What happened?  If you don’t mind me asking…”

Bucky smiled weakly down at his own half empty bowl.  “Well…”  His spoon clinked against the side.  “It was hard after I came home… from overseas…  I’d lost my arm…  I wasn’t the same guy I was…”  He took a deep breath.  “I was angry… at everything… and I took it out on him, even when it wasn’t his fault…  And then one day I just packed up and left.  Found my way here.  I bought this place with the money I had and fixed it up…  It was a real dump.  Basically foreclosed.  But I spent an entire summer fixing it.  Had to get it done before the first snow.  And it also got me to figure out how to use my prosthetic.  It’s some… fancy experimental thing.”

There was a flicker of the lights, and then nothing.  It went completely dark.  The heater stopped, the clock on the top of the stove went off.

“Bucky?” She whimpered, the fear evident in her voice.

“Hey, it’s okay.  It’s okay.  I’m here,” he said as he used his phone flashlight to illuminate the situation a little bit.  “I’m gonna find some flashlights, okay?  You stay right there with Alpine.”

She nodded, setting her bowl to the side and wrapping her arms around the puppy.  “Okay…  H-Hurry back.”

Oh, he definitely would.  He didn’t wanna leave his bear cub alone for too long.

He found two flashlights in the basement before coming back.  “Okay, let’s get all the blankets and stuff together,” he said as he handed her one of them.  “It’s gonna get cold real quick without the heating working.”  There was no way he was gonna be able to get out to look at the generator with how heavy the snow was falling.

They piled all the blankets up on his bed before she crawled under the mountain of them, Alpine curling up next to her like always.

She watched as Bucky sat on the edge of the bed, watching the slow rise and fall of his back.  She could practically see the steam coming from his ears from how much he was overthinking.  “You can take your arm off, you know,” she said quietly, sitting up on her elbows.  “I’m…  I’m not gonna think it’s weird.”

Bucky let out a weak laugh.  “You sure, bear cub?” He asked, his voice wavering.  “I don’t want to freak you out…”

“Something that’s a part of you could never be bad,” she said quietly.

His heart stuttered inside his chest.  He didn’t know what to say in reply.  He’d never had someone say something like that.  His hand was shaking as he reached up and undid his prosthetic.  It was a whole thing he went through every night and every morning, since it was attached to his nerves.  He hissed as it finally came off, setting it in the open case on the ground as he rolled his shoulders a few times to get the tension out.

“See?” She said as she watched him, her eyes running over his back muscles and the scars that covered his shoulder.  “There’s nothing bad about you.”

Bucky slowly crawled under the blankets, staying on the other side of the bed.  He didn’t want to make her uncomfortable.

“You gonna stay over there all night?’

He blinked, and then he blinked again, his eyes staring up at the ceiling.  “I…  What?”

She was still sitting up on her elbows, her lower lip caught between her teeth.  Her eyes were flickering between the blankets and him.  “You don’t have to stay over there…  I’m not… gonna break if we cuddle, you know…”

Bucky’s heart stopped inside his chest as his mind went blank.  He suddenly wasn’t thinking anymore about how he might hurt her.  She wanted him.  Or at least… wanted him to cuddle with her.

Which he was more than happy to comply.

I scooted over a little closer to Bucky when I realized he was frozen staring at me.  He seemed to be in shock over the fact that I wanted to cuddle.

“Jamie?” I said softly, my fingers grabbing onto his arm and tugging him closer.  “Please?”

I watched as he swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he nodded.

“I mean…  You don’t have to,” I added quickly, feeling a flash of anxiety.  What if I had imagined everything?  The flirting?  The calling me bear cub?  “Not if…  Not if you don’t want to.”

Maybe my emotional growth was just as stunted as my educational growth.

But then moved closer to the center of the bed, his strong arm wrapping around my waist and pulling me close.  So close that I was lying on top of his chest.  He was so nice and warm.

And so strong.  He wasn’t like one of those guys in Hollywood or the bodybuilders that were all dehydrated in order to look like they had a twenty pack of abs or something.  He was the real kind of strong.

It was sexy as hell.

And it had been so long since I’d had a gentle touch…  Or had someone hold me just for the sake of holding me.

I hadn’t realized just how badly I needed it until Bucky was holding me close, his lips pressing to my forehead.

“James?  If you don’t mind me asking…  How did you lose your arm?”

I could feel the rise and fall of his chest as he took in my question.

“You don’t have to tell me.”

“No, I…  I want to,” he insisted as he brought me that much closer.  His chin rested on top of my head.  “I was on break…  And these little local kids loved playing hopscotch with us.  We’d draw out the hopscotch on the ground and we would use a little rock and all that…  Then one day, there was a truck out by the road.  One of ours.  We didn’t think anything of it even though it wasn’t where it was supposed to be.  We figured that out later.”  He pressed his lips to my head.  He was trembling, even if he was trying to hide it.  “We were searching for a good rock to use… and when I got close to grab a rock under the wheel… someone set off a bomb.  Blew my arm clean off.  It was all in… all in slow motion.”  Bucky sighed, shaking his head.  “I’d rather it be me then one of those little kids though.”

I sighed, squeezing him tight.  “You’re a good man, James.”  He clearly didn’t wanna think about it anymore, so I quickly changed the subject.  “Have you ever had someone braid your hair?” I asked as I reached up, running my fingers through his long hair.

“Can’t say I have,” he said, a chuckle reverberating through his chest.  “Why?  You wanna braid my hair for me, bear cub?”

I hummed, twirling a strand of his hair around my fingers.  “Mm…  I think it’d look real pretty braided…”

“Pretty?  You calling me pretty?” He snorted.

“Mmhm.”

“Why’s that?”

“‘Cause you’re pretty.”

By the blush on his cheeks, I could tell that he hadn’t ever been called pretty again.

And I knew I’d have to start calling him pretty a lot more.

Bucky had a shy smile on his face as he squeezed me closer to him, burying his face in my hair.  “You’re prettier, bear cub.”  He kissed my forehead again, humming.  “Get some sleep.  I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

It was another two months before there was a break in the snow long enough for them to be able to head to town for more groceries.  Plus, they needed to stop and get her some clothing that actually fit her.

Not that Bucky didn’t mind her wearing his clothes.  He liked it a lot, actually.  His little bear cub in his sweaters and such.

But she did want some pants that fit her proper and some underwear, at least.

And she was excited, but clearly anxious.  “Come on, Alpine,” she said happily as they ran out to the truck, Bucky following quickly behind.

“You’re adorable,” he said softly as he climbed in the driver’s seat.

“Shut it,” she said, covering her face in Alpine’s white fur.

He was falling for her.  Hard.  Even after the electric came back on, they hadn’t stopped staying in the same bed.  It just felt natural.  They hadn’t done anything more than cuddle, but he wasn’t exactly in a rush.  Bucky was very happily letting her take the reins when it came to how quick they moved.

But he did wanna talk to her about being together officially at some point.

The one thing he was really worried about was the fact that she still wouldn’t let him call the police.

He just wanted to find the man who had hurt her and wring his neck with his bare hands.

Or at least have him thrown in jail.  At the very least.

The first thing they did was get her some clothes and shoes so she could change into them, even though he was pleased to note that she did keep on his sweater.

She looked really, really good in green.

Like, really good.

“We need at least two containers of cottage cheese,” she said as she grabbed them, grinning.

“Oh, yeah?” He asked, coming up to her and wrapping his arms around her waist.  He couldn’t help it.  He loved touching her.  Preferred to have at least one hand on her at all times.  “Better make that three containers, bear cub.  From what I remember, someone ate an entire container in one sitting and then promptly threw all of it up.”

“I don’t know who you’re talking about.”  Her cheeks flushed as she nuzzled into him.  “And I only have two hands, James.”

A slow smirk spread over his lips as he looked at her pretty face.  He loved getting her all flustered.  “I didn’t say you had to grab it all at once.”  As if to make a point, he reached over and grabbed a third container, moving to set it in the cart.

It was when he had turned his head away for less than thirty seconds that he heard the sound of plastic hitting the ground, and saw cottage cheese splattered across the marble tiles.

“Bear cub?” He said in confusion as he looked around.  But she’d disappeared.  His brows furrowed as his eyes met Brock Rumlow’s, who was glowering at him for some fucking reason.  His eyes flickered down to his outfit, his heart stopping inside his chest when he saw the badge.

Brock Rumlow was a police officer.

His bear cub hated cops and refused to let him call the cops.

She’d disappeared when she saw him.

Fuck.

He didn’t like the thoughts that were running in his head.

Bucky had to find her before Brock did.

He didn’t even attempt to act nonchalant as he ran through the store, leaving the cart there.  His heart was absolutely racing.

Alpine wasn’t sitting outside the front door where they’d left her.

He rushed to the parking lot, breathing out a sigh of relief when he found her and Alpine in the truck, huddled down on the floor.  “Oh, thank fuck,” he breathed out as he got in the driver’s seat.  He didn’t even buckle before he was peeling out of the parking lot.  “He’s not gonna touch you, baby.  I promise.”

She looked up at him with glassy eyes, tears staining down her soft cheeks.  “H-He…  He’s the one who…”

“I know,” he said quietly as he reached over to take her hand, intertwining their fingers and squeezing.  He was flying up the mountain as fast as he could without spinning out, heading for the cabin.  “I know that it’s him.  But he’s not going to touch you, okay?  I’m not gonna let him.  I’m gonna protect you.”  He handed her his phone out of his pocket.  “Bear cub, can you go to my contacts and call Sam?  Tell him we need him as soon as possible.”

She nodded, her hands trembling as she found the name and called.  “H-Hello?  This is Bucky’s friend and w-we need someone at Bucky’s immediately.  Please.”

When they got back to the cabin, he rushed her inside.  “Go upstairs to our bedroom, lock the door, and then go to the bathroom and lock the door,” he said.  “Take the handgun in my bedside table with you.”

“J-Jamie, I’m scared,” she whimpered, her hands shaking.

He rushed forward, his hands holding her face as he pulled her into a kiss.  “It’s all gonna be okay.  But don’t come out for anyone that isn’t me, alright?” He said softly, caressing her cheeks.  “Take Alpine with you.”

She nodded, and he let out a sigh of relief as she went.

He grabbed the gun he had hidden in the living room, quickly loading it.  He knew that Rumlow would be coming up after them, especially if he was the one who had kept his precious girl kidnapped for over a decade.

He had a lot to lose.

But so did Bucky.  He’d just gotten his girl, and he wasn’t losing her anytime soon.

Bucky Barnes would not be losing the one person that made him feel human again.

And if it came down to it, and he died protecting her, he’d be okay with that as long as she was safe.  He’d just have to bring down Brock with him.

He stiffened as he heard the car pull into the drive with a roar and then the slamming of the door.  He knew it wasn’t Sam.  It would take him longer than that to get up there considering when they’d called.

Brock didn’t even bother knocking.  He shot through the lock and threw the door open.

It was all a blur.  Bucky shot at him and managed to catch him in the thigh, but Brock just kept coming.  He was pretty sure he had a bulletproof vest on, too.

“So this is where the little brat’s been?” Brock snarled, glaring as he pointed the gun at him.  “I figured she’d died out in the snow.  Would’ve been better if she had.”

Bucky wasn’t going to dignify it with a response.  He knew Brock was just trying to rile him up to get him to fuck up.  And he couldn’t let that happen when his girl’s life was on the line.

What he did do was aim at Brock’s hand and get him to drop the gun before he rushed forward and pinned him to the ground to wait for Sam.  He shoved him to the ground, glaring at him harshly.  “You will never touch her again,” he hissed, emphasizing each word as his hand wrapped around his throat and squeezed threateningly.  “And I’d fucking kill you now, but you don’t deserve a quick death.”  He spit in his face.  “I want you to get put in prison for life, and I want to hear about how your ass is getting kicked everyday for kidnapping and raping a little girl, and holding her hostage for over a decade.  I’m gonna personally make sure you never see the light of day again.”

As soon as the door opened and Sam came in with two other officers, he lifted his hands in surrender, getting off him once he knew that Brock wouldn’t be able to get out.

Before anyone could stop to question him, he ran upstairs.  “BABY?” He called out as he knocked on the bedroom door.

It took less than thirty seconds for his girl to open the door and throw herself into his arms, Alpine barking excitedly behind her.

“Hey, Alpine,” he said with a laugh as he scooped her up, wrapping her legs around his waist as she buried her face in his neck.  “Did you protect your mama?  Yeah?”

She let out a weak laugh as she nuzzled in further.  “Are you okay?” She asked, her voice cracking as she pulled back to look at him, holding his face as she checked him for injuries.

“Bear cub, he didn’t even touch me,” he said softly, holding her close.  “He’s in cuffs now, being put in the back of a cop car to go to prison…”  He kissed her forehead.  “He can’t ever get near you again.  They’re gonna search his place and it’ll all be over.  You never have to go back there ever again.”

I jerked awake, letting out a broken scream.  Sweat dripped down my back, tears rolling down my cheeks.

Alpine let out a worried whine from where she laid on my feet, keeping them toasty.

“Hey…  Hey, I’m here,” Bucky whispered sleepily as he brought me into his chest with his one arm.  His prosthetic had been taken off earlier.  “I’ve got you, bear cub…  I’m right here…”

I crumbled into tears as I was pulled onto his lap, my nose brushing against his neck.  “J-Jamie…”

“Was it the dream again?”

I nodded, my hands grasping at him to hold him close.  “I wa-was back in that basement…  W-With Him.”

He had gotten to see the basement first hand.  The concrete walls.  The dirty mattress that rested on the ground without any sheets.  The bugs and the rats that I had shared that space with.  The broken window that Brock had covered with a trash bag.  The cameras.

He’d seen me through the whole trial.

It didn’t take long for Brock to be put on trial and found guilty.  Hell, the jury only deliberated for an hour before coming back and giving their verdict.

With all the evidence from his cabin and his own poor defense, I didn’t even have to testify, which was a relief.

The piece of shit actually thought he’d get off easy.  But he got fifty years, and considering he was already over forty, it wasn’t likely that he’d ever get to leave prison again.

There was a bit of… question about what would happen to me after.  Where I would go.

My parents came to see me at Bucky’s, and they started talking about me going home with them and how they still had my room all set up.

But I just couldn’t leave Bucky and Alpine.  Not after everything.

And as much as I knew that me being taken wasn’t their fault, I didn’t feel safe with them like I did with him.

I thought Bucky was going to cry when I said that I wanted to stay with him.  He’d rushed to reassure them that he was going to take care of me and he was already working on helping me get my GED.

They seemed to like him, which was good.

And yeah.  The nightmares still came back sometimes.  I would always be haunted, even with my therapists’ help.

“I’ve got you…  He’s never gonna touch you again.  You’re safe,” Bucky whispered as he kissed my cheek.  He pulled back, his hand cupping my face.  “I love you.  And I’ll never let anyone hurt you ever again.  And you know Alpine won’t.”

“I know,” I said softly as I rested my head against his chest as he laid us down again.  “I love you, too.”

No, the nightmares didn’t go away.  But that didn’t matter when I had Bucky.