#I started working on this in April??? Good fucking lord???

[moongothic]

MCM Shelf Saga

Part 4 - A Shitshow of a Finale

[Part 3]

So, onto the drawers. First, there's a little bit of prep work to do

One of the drawers had not just bad stains on the bottom of it, but the bottom piece had never even been properly inserted into its place. So I did the good ol' trick of removing the whole bottom piece, flipping it around (to use the untouched bottom side as the top) and put it back in its place, this time all the way into the little slot

Worked great

And then I had to deal with the veneer damage I had caused to one of the drawer fronts

Since this was my first time even attempting veneer patching, I figured I should just try to focus on the worst bits of damage instead of trying to address all the damage? Because I was worried I'd just make it worse, so it'd be better to start small?

So I picked the worst parts and very carefully made made the worst chips bigger so I could cut out itty bitty veneer bits to fill them in with (there were a few more but I don't want this post to be a million photos long)

Once I had made sure the pieces would fit in by caaarefully filing them down to the right size, I glued them down, put some painters tape on top (to try to keep the glue from spreading), left something heavy sitting on top and just left them to dry

Once done, I came back to sand down the patches (since the veneer I had was a bit thicker than the original veneer)

And. Yeah. It's not great. Mind you, unlike in North America, I can't just go to a big store and buy whatever veneer my heart desires, the only veneer I could buy (as far as I know) was a set of three different veneer sheets the size of paper sheets. So I didn't have much options with matching the veneer at all. That all aside, it was my first attempt at veneer patching, and considdering that I think I did pretty decent. If anything I regret just not doing all the damaged spots because some of the dents are really bad even if they didn't go through the original veneer

But it is what it is

I decided it was good enough, and proceeded to tape the sides of the drawers for a cleaner(?) finish

And onto the staining

Still looks like shit

I think this was after the first coat??? Honestly it's been so long I can't remember, it must've been just the first coat

But, I kept on building up coats to get a darker and darker color on the drawer fronts

Once I figured it was dark enough I moved onto staining the veneer on the inside of the drawers, mainly in the hopes of hiding the paint stains that the paint remover and sanding failed to remove

It did not work

Fortunately, it's on the inside, ain't nobody gonna see it, it's fine, whatever, this project was going so fucking bad at this point I no longer cared

This was good enough

And it was onto staining the main unit.

Now unfortunately, due the place I was working in being so bloody cramped I couldn't get decent photos of the unit during the waxing process

I did attempt to make the inside of the unit look semi-decent by masking off where I wanted the wax to go, but... This ended up not working to my advantage, as I had taped just a smidge too close to the edges, meaning when I later put the drawers in, you could see small slivers of the raw wood peek out. So I ended up having to do lots of patching on the drawer-side of the unit. But whatever

Think these are photos of the first coat? As usual, looked like absolute shite

But I kept on going, building up more and more layers of wax until I eventually gave up and called it done

But, with the main unit stained, it meant that every piece of the shelf was finished! I could move onto reassembling it!

After some final touches

First, I had to deal with the brass rods that were used to hold up the shelves

Now at first I couldn't even tell for sure if they were brass or not, like considderng the age of the shelf I figured they should be, but when I asked my dad for a second opinion he was convinced they'd be just iron or steel

Regardless, these were original pieces to the shelf so I did want to use them, but as you can see, they were still covered in paint

I attempted removing them with just nail polish remover, since acetone does remove many types of paint, but it wasn't quite as effective as I was hoping it'd be. I also checked online if acetone could damage metals and it could actually stain/damage brass??? So I figured I'd try something else

Some people suggest using boiling water and baking soda to remove paint from metal, and this should be a safe option with brass (if the rods were brass). So I boiled some water, picked a big enough bowl that could handle hot water, put the rods in the bowl, sprinkled a healthy dose of baking sode on top, gently poured the water, sprinkled a bit more baking soda on top, and then left foil over the bowl to try to keep the dish warm for a longer time

And then I just let it sit for almost two hours

After which, I came back and gently rubbed the rods with a sponge and to my pleasant surprise, the paint residue did just slide off with a little effort

So the paint was removed, and the rods were already looking a bit shinier!

Now, I don't know what kind of a trick of light this was, but genuinely, in person at this point the cleanest, shiniest parts of the rods were looking like silver. I was becoming convinced that dad had been right and the rods were actually steel or something, and I had no idea if I could get them to look clean

But to my confusion, my dad was the one who was now convinced that the rods must be brass

I dunno, I was confused, but I figured, I have my brass polish stuff, I could TRY polishing the rods with them and see if they clean up.

They did

Immidiately proving that they were brass

So I just proceeded to polish the rods!

Shiny! Sparkly! I didn't clean them up as well as one could have, but they turned out plenty clean enough, nobody is going to see whatever staining remains on them

But with that done, it was time for assembling!

After getting some missing pieces!

See, when dad helped me disassemble the shelf on our patio, one of the tiny brass dowels that were also used to hold up the shelves had fallen off and under our patio. So that one was a lost cause and needed to be replaced. There was no way to replace it with brass and tbh it was going to be quite hidden anyways, so I asked my dad if he could get a small steel dowel to do the job. And he did, so that was one thing

The other, more important thing was the screws/bolts/nuts/whatever

See the sidepieces of the whole piece were originally attached to the sides of the main unit with bolts, but the right side ones had sunken in so deep into the wood, that the only way to detach the right sidepiece from the unit was by cutting the bolt off. So we were lacking half the hardware for the shelf

So we went and bought new ones, brought the whole thing up to my room and assembled it here. And all was good

Until I realized the top and bottom drawers couldn't go into the unit, because the bolts/nuts were much bigger than the original ones, so they stuck out too much and stopped the drawers from sliding in

Which was a problem

Now dad was able to cut down the ends of the bolts to make them shorter, but the nut was still a problem

But I looked at the sides of the drawers

And the top and bottom drawers both had channels on them right where they would've rubbed against the original nuts

I just had to make the channel bigger

Now the top drawer wasn't even that bad since the nut was at the back of the unit, so the channel I had to carve for it was only like 3 cm long or something

But it still sucked, because the only way I could do it was with a knife. It took hours. And it hurt my wrists so bad

But I managed to get the top drawer done, I could do it with the bottom too. It just had to go all the way across the side of the drawer.

Carving that shit out took me like 5 hours. I can not put into words how bad it hurt my wrists. Genuinely, so painful.

But I got it done.

Now there were a few other things that I didn't bother documenting but I want to note because I had to do those before this project was completed. First, when we brought the main unit to my room the side of it did get a scratch that I had to spend a few days patching. In hindsight I probably would've been fine if I had just brushed some wax over it, but I thought it'd turn out better if I sanded the scratched area first and then waxed it. It ended up being a lot more work than I wanted to, but it got done eventually. Also, as I mentioned before, I had to patch those small parts on the inside of the unit to make sure there wasn't raw wood peeking out from places I didn't want them to show (around the drawers). And, hilariously, the brass rods used to hang the shelves didn't actually want to fit into the holes of the sidepieces. Like I tried even hammering them in and they just did not fit, so I had to file down the specific holes I wanted to use until they were big enough that I could put the rods in and put up the shelves Last but not least, I used some candlewax on the groove of the sliding door and the sides of the drawers to make them slide smoother (worked great, easiest part of the project)

And I want to note that there's some things I could still do to this piece. I could get some fabric or felt to protect the insides of the drawers so they don't get dirty, and I really should get some clear wax or topcoat to patch the finish on the inside of the main unit (when I had to sand down the paint and revealed raw wood). But if I want to do either of these things, I can do them later. For now, this shelf is completed

It looks like shit

An absolute fucking shitshow

Complete and utter trainwreck

The brass turned out nice tho

Moral of the story: Never use any wood product that isn't Osmo ever again. Osmo would not have failed me like this. And I'd still argue it's better than how it started.

Thanks for coming along with me on this trainwreck

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3

[bludraws094]

ykw im bored im gonna sing tme from memory in the tags

i memorized it probably at least over a year ago, idk i have no concept of Time

[theangelcatalogue]

YANDERE 2012!TMNT WITH VILLAIN!DARLING(THAT WORKS WITH/FOR ANOTHER VILLAIN)!☆

Part two of this! -> ❔

Gender neutral reader!

Romantic!

Team up!

TW: TRACKERS, STALKING, OBSSESIVE BEHAVIOR, VIOLENCE, BLOOD, SWEARING, YANDERES, MANIPULATION, GUILTY TRIP, BAD ENGLISH, BAD GRAMMAR, I MADE P/N MALE AND MADE BY A MINOR! YOU DON'T NEED TO READ IF YOU DON'T WANT! IF I MISSED SOMETHING TELL ME

-★-

☆ -> Sooo, what if the other turtles(and April and Casey!) also fall for you? That's what happens!

★ -> Oh Lord.

☆ -> Well, i don't know how, but the you got more yanderes!

★ -> With this 6 team up!(Raphael, Mikey, Donnie, Leo, April and Casey), you have to expect some things like: Possible stalking, trackers, and EXTREME violence towards P/N

☆ -> Sometimes they ignore you to fight with P/N, what makes have to help him after the fight, in most of them he is bleeding and many bruises

★ -> Raphael made sure he would feel pain, never take something that is not yours

☆ -> The turtles always finds yours and P/N location, it started ask yourself how? Just how?

★ -> Ask Donnie and his genius mind! He made sure the trackers wouldn't be noticed! He is happy that works

☆ -> To be honest they never understand what you saw in P/N and your both relationship, he calls you the worst things ever! And the way he treats you! He say the worst things for you and after that acts like nothing happend!

" Sir i think they have some type of protection! "

" OH DON'T TELL ME! REALLY? YOUR STUPID BITCH- " (P/N)

★ -> They would never do that!

☆ -> Ah and the masters of manipulation! Leo and Mikey! They told you so many things to try to convince you to give up and go to the lair with them!

" If you come back with us! You would love! "

" Come on Y/N! I know you are better than this! "

★ -> Can't forget April and Casey! Casey flirting a little with you and April always worried if you are ok!

" Y/N! Are you ok? " (A)

*Asking yourself why that fuck she cares about you*

" Looking good! Changed of super villain uniform? " (C) (To y/n)

*Confused as fuck* (P/N and Y/N)

★ -> P/N and you are just confused at the situation, like what is wrong with them?

☆ -> And you are so tired of hearing the: " Come with us to the lair! " ; " You are better than this! " ; " You can be a good person " ;

★ -> Also you need to be careful with P/N since they won't go easy on them

" Time to end with this- "

*Notices P/N in danger while fight with one of the turtles*

" P/N!!! "

☆ -> You can't let your partner die! And the group just want to end with this and bring you to the lair! Just that! It's too much to ask!?

★ -> But everyone except Leo and maybe Mikey(?) knows that you aren't a really good person, but hey this dont't stop them

☆ -> They focus more on capture you with some type of trap that hurt you, and P/N already noticed that, and is really worried with you

★ -> Like they have the violent one(?), the manipulator one, the genius one, the over protective one and the almost normal ones, ALMOST, but how we know they are not

☆ -> They noticed that P/N is more with you and really closer! Jealous

★ -> They need a plan to bring you with them now.

☆ -> And take care of P/N.

Songs! -> 💌 ❔ 🐢

-★-

NOTES:

✮ That's so bad wth, i am going to remake that and part one gosh✮

✮ Anyways i am going to write more about this cause yeah ✮

✮ P/N means Partner's name! You can see as romantic or platonic! ✮

✮ Please take care of yourself! <3 ✮

✮ Some memes: ✮

[jamisonwritestf2trash]

what would the mercs' favourite shows/anime be? You might have done the 'shows' part before so im giving you the 'anime' option as a fresh twist ^w^ (No im not battling a double-hyperfixation of tf2 and jjba and seeking validation through mutuals why would you even think that-)

What Are The TF2 Mercs Favortie Animes?

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Oh boy it's been a hot minute since I've watched an Anime, I used to be so feral for any anime 😭

Mutual appreciation comment!!! Thank you for your asks! I love seeing them pop up, you always have really good prompts 🫶🏻

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POSSIBLE SPOILER FOR DEATH NOTE?

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Demo- Kakegurui

Did I ever mention that this man loves to gamble? Also, you cannot convince me that this man isn't super expressive when he does so. Literally is the anime. Loves how batshit insane it is. Loves getting whiplash from one episode to the next. Wasn't a fan of season two, but adores season one. Bindges, and re-bindges the show at least once a month. Just loves feeling insane when he watches an anime.

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Engie- One Punch Man.

Saw Genos and immediately went "I could build that." And doesn't elaborate. He's not gonna lie, he may or may not have tried to follow Saitama's training routine once, but threw up when he got to the running part. Don't get me wrong this man isn't weak or anything but I genuinely don't think anyone on this team can run besides Scout. Loves watching OPM because he loves how unbothered Saitama is and wishes he could be like that, and also wishes he could be as strong.

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Heavy- Your Lie In April

Loves the mix of a slice of life and melodrama. Doesn't care too much about how slow the show is. Just enjoys watching everything play out and being along for the ride. This man sobbed at the end. Couldn't believe it, well he could but he also couldn't? Even though it breaks him everytime he sees the ending, he still loves rewatching it.

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Medic- Japanese Tales of The Macabre/Parasyte

HE. LOVES. JUNJI. ITO. It'd be so wrong not to think so. He has genuinely wondered about the logistics of Layers Of Terror... be afraid of this man if he gets a curious look in his eye over any episode of this anime. He likes the books more but also loves the anime. I added Parasyte too because this man is a sucker for all types of body horror and I think Parasyte should always be mentioned. Just lord help us after this man's mind starts working when watching his favorite body horror animes. You'll here a mix of screams from the poor characters and Yippees! From Medic as he watches the horror.

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Scout- Death Note

I think this is everyone's starter anime, but it just happens to also be Scout's favorite. I can't tell if he'd think Light is a genius or insanely stupid. But that's not super important. Loves Ryuk! He'd want a death note just to have Ryuk hanging around the base. This man would be a menace if he had the death note honestly. He'd probably write his name down first just to label it, forgetting he'd die.

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Sniper- The Disastrous Life of Saiki K

Man has never related to a fictional character so hard until now. Also wishes he could be perfectly average in the public eye and also has inhuman natural talents. It's not even funny how much I can imagine Sniper in this anime. He watched every season and loved them all (likes season one best though) and regularly rewatches the show when things get to stressful around him. It's his comfort show.

(Not that anyone asked but, I fucking love this anime, it's not even funny how much I love this anime I'm going feral.)

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Spy- Black Butler

Can a fictional character have a kin? Well in my mind yes. Spy kins Sebastian so fucking hard. Picked up the trait of taking his gloves off like that. Definitely share the same annoyances, living with incompetent coworkers, an annoying child, a criminally insane friend or two, you know the normal stuff! Was severely disappointed by season two. Loved everything else though.

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Soldier- Attack On Titan

I think he likes AOT because of all the Gore, blood, and fighting. I can imagine him kicking his legs and smiling all goofy while watching this. This man bindged the entire show, no doubt. Like the other mercs were genuinely worried about him. He's a mix of devastated and happy that the show hasn't ended permanently.

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Pyro- JoJo's Bizarre Adventure.

The insane person loves insane anime, who would have guessed? No, but genuinely, you'd think they'd have a short attention span, wouldn't be able to understand what's going on, and lose interest. Nope! Absolutely love this anime. Has probably rewatched it a million times already. Has made Engie watch this with him and utterly confused the poor Texan. Feverishly waiting for part nine.

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I hope you like this! I had to pull out my list of animes I've watched, and oh boy it made me realize how weird. Maybe? That my taste in anime is.

Also sorry its not super long or super indepth I was going off some very vague memories for a few of these!

I love you guys!

[anothermarkedone]

I'm too old to get adopted, right?

Word count: 1.7k

A/N: This is inspired by this post by @aprill-99 Feedback is always appreciated!

Xaden had no idea where he was, but he certainly wasn't in Navarre. It stands on the edge of a beautiful town spread out over rolling, steep hills. A dark blue river meanders through the landscape into the sea.

Xaden feels through his bond with Sgaeyl, but it's as if she isn't there. Xaden sighs, he has no weapons and no Sgaeyl. He tries his powers, which luckily work.

Wary, Xaden walks into town, hoping he can get a better idea of where he is. Around him he sees buildings made of white marble, warm sandstone and red stone.

A large mansion catches Xaden's attention. It is large, made of white marble with accents of dark wood. It was safe to say that Xaden has never seen such architecture in Navarre, or in Poromiel.

Suddenly there is a tall man standing in front of him with dark hair, golden-brown skin and- are those wings? Out of the corner of his eye, Xaden sees another man, this one pale with striking violet eyes, and before Xaden can react, he is unconscious.

-

Xaden wakes up with a start and sits up abruptly. He lies on a red lounger in a dark room, lit by the fireplace on his right.

Alert, Xaden scans the room and his eyes fall on a man behind a large desk. Xaden tries to move as softly as possible so that he can surprise the man and escape. But the man turns out to have really fucking good hearing, because he looks up from his papers, straight into Xaden's eyes.

“So let me see if I have it right,” the man says. "You have immense shadow power, incredible combat skills, height, tattoos, secrets, dead parents, a thirst for revenge, the weight of the world on your shoulders, a rebellion to lead, and..." he looks at his papers and tilts his head, “a dragon?”

'He probably has the same signet as Aetos,’ Xaden thinks to himself as he takes a defensive stance.

The man waves his hand dismissively, "I'm not going to hurt you." He adds with a grin, “see it for yourself.”

Xaden directs his second signet to the man and reads his true intentions in his head. The man truly has no intention of harming him. Slightly put at ease, Xaden decides to listen to the man.

"Well could I know your name first before I tell you my life story?" demands Xaden. The man smiles showing his white teeth. "Rhysand, high lord of the Night Court." Xaden has never heard of such a place, but mentally shrugs.

"Yes? I mean, there's also my girlfriend and 107 people under my protection, but-" Before Xaden can finish his sentence, Rhysand, ‘the high lord of the Night Court’, frantically flips through the pile of papers on his desk.

"This is the hyper-intelligent girlfriend with unprecedented lightning powers? The one you speak to telepathically and permanently nickname?" he looks expectantly.

Xaden decides to humor the man, "I only have one girlfriend. A bit offended that you would think otherwise."

Rhysand nods enthusiastically before scribbling something on a piece of paper. "Adopted. The rebellion thing is taken care of. Me and your aunts and uncles have this. Your new mother will need some time to add you and your mate to the family portrait in the gallery."

Xaden abruptly interrupts, "I'm sorry, my new mother?" Rhysand nods enthusiastically. "That's right, your bedroom is upstairs, the knives are in the training ring, the family dinner is every Thursday, you don't get any pocket money, but you have unlimited access to my finances and the curfew is...." Rhysand puts a finger thoughtfully on his chin, “…never.”

Rhysand stands up, "any questions?" Xaden mentally nods, ‘yeah, what the fuck?!’ Rhysand chuckles as if he heard it.

"Okay, crash course. So my name is Rhysand, I am 538 years old and the high lord of the Night Court and your new father." Xaden sputters in shock "538 years?!" "My wife and mate is Feyre, she is 21 years old and she is the high lady, we have a son Nyx, your brother." Rhysand opens his mouth, but Xaden cuts him off before he can say anything. “I'm….older than your wife?” Rhysand nods, "she'll be happy to have another son, Fae pregnancies are very difficult you know. But she'll be super excited to hear that we adopted you."

Xaden interrupts him again, "I'm still older than her." “Did I fucking stutter?” Rhysand asks with a raised eyebrow. Xaden gapes at him, "no sir." Rhysand nods happily, before paling, "don't tell your mother I swore or she'll refuse to give me soup." He ignores the disbelieving look Xaden gives him and continues introducing Xaden's ‘new family’.

Suddenly another winged man walks around the corner. “Ah, Rhys, we found them,” he says in a deep voice. Rhysand nods and gestures for Xaden to follow along. "Son, this is your Uncle Cassian, he is the general of my army, the two of you will work closely together to ensure that this rebellion of yours succeeds." 'Uncle' Cassian gives Xaden a big grin, "finally another nephew!"

“We found your friends, including my daughter-in-law,” Rhysand explains after seeing Xadens questioning look, waggling his eyebrows suggestively as he says “daughter-in-law.”

When the three walk into the foyer, Xaden sees his self-made family. Garrick, Bodhi, Liam, Imogen, and Quinn. Behind his family is Violet, along with her squad, Rhiannon, Ridoc and Sawyer and her brother, Brennan.

Garrick, Liam and Bodhi immediately walk up to Xaden and after a quick hug they start asking hundreds of questions. Xaden calls the other riders over and explains what happened.

"You're adopted?" Bodhi asks incredulously. “Seriously man, he just says we can finally win the rebellion and that's what you get out of it?”

Bodhi shrugs, "It's not every day that you hear that your cousin has been adopted by a 538 year old man and a 21 year old woman who is 2 years younger than the literal man she’s adopting."

"Okay kids," Rhysand claps his hands together and looks at everyone enthusiastically, "let's make sure you win the rebellion."

-

After Rhysand introduces the rest of Xaden's new family, including his new mother, who doesn't even seem shocked when Rhysand tells them that Xaden is their new son, and that he is two years older than her.

He then gives everyone an explanation of his army, what species they are and what their signets, or powers, are, the riders took the Fae to the hidden cave where Bodhi said they left their dragons.

The moment the group walks into the cave, Cassian gives a loud scream. Xaden looks over and sees that Cassian is hanging on to a very irritated Azriel like a koala with a scared look.

“What the fuck is that,” he points. Xaden looks over and sees that he is pointing at Sgaeyl. "That's Sgaeyl."

Cassian looks at him in disbelief, "I thought Sgaeyl was your cat!" he exclaims. Sgaeyl lets out an indignant huff and Cassian lets out another yelp.

Xaden ignores his so-called fearless uncle and focuses on Sgaeyl, prodding along their bond, but he comes up with nothing.

“My bond with her is muted,” he states. The other riders nod, theirs too.

"Violet and I can see if we can make a medicine," Brennan suggests. Violet nods in agreement. After the riders make their dragons promise to stay hidden in the cave and behave, they especially had trouble with Aotrom, who is apparently a dragon version of his rider and Andarna, the group walks back to the mansion in town. Cassian continues to look behind him uneasily, checking to see if the dragons are coming to attack him.

Violet walks up next to Xaden and hooks her arm through his, "so, adopted huh, I never expected my future mother-in-law and I to be the same age." Xaden grins, "mother-in-law?" Violet rolls her eyes and punches him in the arm.

“Shut up, you're the one in a ridiculously hilarious situation.”

-

The mansion turns out to have a lab slash medical bay. Violet and Brennan immediately start working on a medicine, Brennan mumbling all kinds of things under his breath, especially confusing curses.

Violet continues to throw grinning looks his way and she and the other riders burst into unashamed laughter as Rhysand deposits a winged baby in his arms and states that the baby is his new brother and that they should get acquainted.

-

Once Brennan and Violet perfect the medicine, they hand it out in cups.

“Well, bottoms up,” Garrick says, before putting the cup to his mouth.

Xaden follows suit and immediately feels the bond with Sgaeyl opening. "That was interesting," Sgaeyl says disinterestedly, a complete contrast to what she just said. Xaden rolls his eyes.

"The screaming human dragon from before is back," she says. Xaden raises his eyebrow. "He brought food, he's afraid we'll eat him."

Xaden wonders why that was worth sharing as Sgaeyl adds, "he completely freaked out when suddenly some kind of black mist with eyes and sharp teeth and claws appeared."

“He screamed like a little baby!” adds Andarna enthusiastically, "the mist's name is Byraxis, he's super funny!"

“He was indeed amusing,” Sgaeyl states, “in just a few minutes he humored me more than you have done in three years.”

Violet has clearly been listening as Xaden hears her laughter in his head. She stops abruptly when she hears Tairn's angry, jealous growl.

Andarna either doesn't realize what her adoptive parents are doing, or she just ignores it as she gleefully tells Xaden and Violet that Byraxis told her the story of when Cassian came to the bottom level of the library and how he literally wet his pants when he saw Byraxis.

Xaden sighs, he would do anything for a nap before fighting the rebellion with the help of a few extremely powerful centuries old Fae, three not so old Fae and an army of winged warriors.

“You know you don’t have to do this, right?” he asks Violet. She snorts in response, “as if I’d let you do this on your own. Besides, this is way too hilarious, I haven’t laughed this much in years.” Suddenly Liam appears next to Xaden, watching them interact. “Will you fight with me?” Xaden asks his brother. 

“It would be my honor,” he answers without hesitation.

[pseudonymphomania]

If you haven't already answered it (I can't find your FAQ >A< My tumblr literacy is GONE!) it's been on my mind since I first saw your username. Is it Pseudo or Pseudonym? What is the story behind it too?

Thank you for asking! ISTG my tumblr has been under construction for so long that I keep forgetting I actually have to construct it. Let this be the first thing I link to for my FAQs because it comes up often.

I went through many name changes over the years as a fan of things, but the time came when I could no longer be contained by the label Enjoyer and finally evolved into my ultimate form; Creator.

I started playing god back in the grand old times of February 2023 (this blog was created around March 2023 in the midst of me writing my first story so I could make press-releases about it because having-fun-is-an-all-ages-activity). This was before I thought I could even make art; I was purely a writer and not a very good one at th I was pretty decent at it.

There are a few things going on with my username. Pseudonym (fictitious name), and Nymphomania (excessive sexual desire), and together Pseudonymphomania is fictitious excessive sexual desire (because I write smut haha). I'm on the asexual spectrum and the process of writing enables me and others to experience it theoretically (you can even say Fictitiously).

In terms of what kind of fan I am, I veer on the silly side of things. I am a purveyor of comedy and I often make literary or meme references or a mashup of the two. On the flip-side, I'm also an essayist and fan-academic. A Pseudonym is something that is used in the writerly world and especially in the fan space, so why shouldn't I be a little silly and call-back to it?

The real question is, what the fuck I decided to use as my icons back then:

Since I wasn't a digital artist until after I finished my first story, I used Canva and free assets to create my first one. I had a kind of bland beige background with four different coloured hands reaching toward a strawberry ice cream cone. The ice cream is phallic imagery, especially with the pink head making it look like a peen. I used a serif font (evokes an image of classic literature) for the username. And it was a visual travesty.

I soon refined my taste and I made a second pfp with an all-white background to imitate the pages of a book. For clarity, I used a sans-serif font for the username this time and curved it into a circle, added two hands grasping it like looking into a crystal ball (the process of writing). The ice cream is dripping/melting [.............] and there's a little heart (universal visual for love) at the tip of it, acting as a sprinkle (representing "Prn with Feelings", an AO3 tag)

The thought process behind this kind of nonsense is what you can expect from me for literally everything. I've since stopped using cryptic symbolism and just use my own art, but that doesn't mean I stopped being ridiculous.

If you've seen me in the other places I hang around and wonder why it's not Pseudonymphomania everywhere even though I sign all my works as that...

PseudonymFanfic (Reddit): Created April 2023. Character Limits for username. At the time, I was only a writer. I couldn't change it after.

PseudonymDicks (Twitter): Created March 2023. Character Limits for username. Used to be called PseudonymFanfic like my Reddit and hosted all my works, including SFW and NSFW) until I was shadowbanned for containing too much flavor and never taken off it. This became NSFW only and my name changed to Dicks to reflect that. PseudonymDicks is also what I'll be using for my NSFW patreon when I get that set up, unless there's a restriction on that kind of naming that will force me to be PseudonymDix or something, oh my lords. Please no.

PseudonymWorks (Twitter): Created January 2024. SFW and Suggestive works only. The second twitter exists because a tree falling in a forest should be heard by someone who wants to harvest the firewood. PseudonymWorks is also what I'll be using for Etsy, Kofi, Patreon, etc. when I get those set up.

I continue to be Pseudonymphomania on here, AO3 and Bluesky and wherever else I am not limited by how long my name is that everyone knows who I am but nobody knows how to spell my name. (The mirth this gives me feels delightful)

"How are you so prolific?" Obsession. Some things become a catalyst for improvement that you will never see coming. How could I predict liking DiaLuci so much that it would spawn a million works from my abused hands when I originally started playing Obey Me for a whim and a lark?

Fandom is an island in Hell and I am determined to enjoy it.

I hope you enjoyed reading my personal lore. Thank you for being here. :)

[delunesnumberonefan]

SO

saskia and belialah. the empress and her shadow.

...im breaking my own rule of not posting any more original creations here but idgaf---i'll post some sketches and if there's interest i can throw this fic i'm working on up on ao3 for the monsterfuckers in the audience

so, backstory on THESE TWO:

i'm gonna go in real life order of events and talk about some of the inspos that went into some of these moments and where they were in our real life timeline of Experiencing these two

under the cut bc i must remain polite in the face of my hyperfixations

HELLO I MAY BE POLITE BUT IM RABID LETS GOOOOOOOOO

ok so, canonical order of events: saskia (matriarch) and belialah (demon lord) meet, they establish an alliance, belialah does stuff for saskia. at some point, saskia starts amassing her generals (we'll get there) and chooses belialah. somewhere in here as well, saskia splits from the empire and starts doing her Evil Deeds for her Evil Plans. I'm not sure which of the last two came first. in either case, lost later meets belialah, we haven't seen her (physically) since (but that's not a good thing i don't think)

irl order of events:

Saskia throws a Fit, kills her nephew, and withdraws from the empire at large. we make fun of her because though she's the big bad, she's also weirdly wet and pathetic. we hate her. she's so sucks. and also so sexy. its bad

time goes by, things happen, eventually there's a big party with all the matriarchs!!! yaaaaay

lost and gilt go because ofc we do, and there's a big dance where everyone keeps changing partners. at the end of the dance, lost gets belialah

...elven ish woman. obviously weird. too pale skin. black hair. disheveled appearance. ill-fitting dress. holds herself weird. talks with a tremble and a breathiness to her voice that immediately makes us uncomfortable (my mans can do some fuckin VOICES and don't get me started on the sound effects). belialah says she's a huge fan---of lost's father. the being from before creation whose whole thing is "immortal life but not in the good way" instead of "you won't die" it's "you can't die" there is no death to escape from life, no matter the suffering.

so--red flags.

she tells lost that she's one of saskia's generals, and that saskia sent her to give lost a message: saskia is so excited for her to come home, and that lost should bring her brothers (6 beings of various otherworldly heritage like lost--saskia has a type and it is monsters) when she comes home. Lost tells her to tell saskia, from her and gilt, to fuck off.

belialah goes...monstrous. red eyes start popping open all over her skin and she gets quiet and threatening about how lost is disrespectful and how--yeah, she will tell saskia that. and she leaves in a cloud of black vapor

i turn to chase. i say "oh they're fucking"

and he hits me with "...belialah would probably like to!"

and i hit the ground running. sprinting. i was off into the distance without another fucking word. little roselyn-shaped dust cloud left behind.

fic. art. works. stuff. so much. headcanons. throwing everything at the wall. attempts at first time. attempts at canon. saskia bitchiness. belialah wanting to smash despite the great danger to her personal health. weird fetish fic. modern!au. headcanons about modern!au. deep dives. analysis. narrative foils. sex. so much sex.

it's everything. they're everything

i want them to be terrible together. that's all i want. that's all i've ever wanted.

i set about creating for them in a frenzy--it's been love and war time for...since early may of last year?? some coming up on a year, now (again---150k words written in this time, with april's word count unknown but already above 10k. jan ALONE was 32k). love and war time means that it's always love and war--it's just different people inside the campaign. oh it's saskia oh it's freya it's gilt and lost let's bop over to adele what about gilt's parents-

FOR AN ENTIRE YEAR

it's been great.

Chase messaged summer and i a few weeks ago like "hey. i got a belialah meeting saskia inspo video, but i need to show you in person bc i need to get your reaction live."

he showed me this

we had a moment of "...oh my god its from a gacha game?" and then i made him play it three times in a row just Absorbing the vibes

chase: it's saskia and belialah when they first meet, with belialah thinking she has the upper hand and saskia proving that she is very, very wrong. but i don't know what a ball in the abyss looks like...

me: say no more

and i hit upon them meeting at an event where it's basically like---demons from all over gather, have a civil time---when bloodshed eventually happens (which it always does bc they're literal actual demons) it's a free for all and it's expected to be a bloodbath, that's part of the appeal

belialah's there, as you do, and saskia's there to talent scout from the pool of winners for her big evil plans. belialah's like "wtf is a stupid little mortal doing here why are you unaccosted where is your collar" kinda behavior and goes over there, they talk, they dance (also a ploy for power among demons, it's a sizing up thing instead of a fun thing), saskia reveals that she's got 1/8th of the power of a god in her soul and belialah's like "cool im fanatically devoted to you now i've never wanted to smash a mortal before can we make out"

and that's how they start their history

with me writing books about this campaign (again--pipe dream) i've been deciding on when and where i want these two to get highlighted, bc, again---we've never met saskia in person, she's spoken to lost and gilt directly once, and we've seen belialah once outside of saskia's bitchy announcement to the empire at large where she reveals she's got 12 generals and you better not try shit bc we're at WAR now (she's stupid i love her dearly)

and recently i've been working on their...first time? an epilogue for one of the books. the actual thing won't have sex in it if it gets to be part of the book for realsies, but im not stopping there bc IM ME

and i've been tinkering with like...ok how do we show in isolated little epilogues and snippet scenes that saskia and belialah have INSANE sexual tension so that when they do get together, its weird but satisfying bc again---belialah is a demon. she's got a human form. that is not her true form. i've drawn it, it's sexy to saskia, i'll post it soon.

but i need these two to snark at each other with saskia resisting belialah's advances bc "im trying to take over the world stop distracting me" while belialah's like "SASKIA LEMME SMASH. PLEASE" until eventually it happens because they're terrible and i love them and it needs to happen, frankly. im overruling my boyfriend. at the point we are at, they are fucking already. he does not have a choice. im overruling him.

chase, if you're reading this--the goal with this first time fic is to make it plausible enough that you accept it as canon. thank you.

bc like--they're terrible. they're perfect. they've both got bratty younger sibling/cocky hotshot who thinks they're invincible kinda energy and belialah has no doubt in her mind that saskia can achieve her goals and saskia is getting someone who will stroke her ego and is having the thought of "im being recognized for how amazing i am it's about time"

the generals have made deals with saskia---saskia is planning on following through with 0% of these deals. belialah is the only one who didn't--she's here by saskia's side of her own free will.

they're fucking. at this point, they are fucking. decades of sexual tension kept alive by distance and "hello old friend" energy is suddenly coming to head with Belialah Always Being Around and saskia having to plan out her evil deeds with her being nutso devoted 24/7 and listen, man. this woman has an ego the size of the planet. she's gonna smash someone who inflates her ego, it's just how she works

ok lore dump over. sketch time now.

[cactusspatz]

April recs

In a shocking turn of events, I'm posting my recs EARLY this month instead of procrastinating! May the Fourth be with you!

About half the stories in this set are Star Wars, because I finally watched Andor and it was AMAZING; the other half are DCU, because I am predictable when sick (Tim + Batfamily h/c my beloved). Plus a Leverage/Old Guard crossover!

STAR WARS

To Climb by Nock_and_Bolt

“Climb,” Kino urged others to escape a prison he never would.

“Climb!” Nemik screamed past multicolored explosions and his own crushed spine.

“Climb!” K-2SO’s voice juddered out over the intercom, punched from mechanical lungs by blaster fire.

And what else could Cassian do but be borne up by the bodies of those that had gone before him?

Brutally good, full of the parallels and motifs in from Andor, all woven into Cassian's final climb in the tower at Scarif. It WILL make you cry in the best way.

Coping Mechanisms by mosylu (Cassian/Jyn)

It takes a heat wave for Jyn to notice that Cassian never, ever goes barefoot.

Intimate and sweet if-they-had-lived look at Cassian's trauma from the Narkina 5 prison.

Kino Lives by ad_asterism

Set at the end of Andor Episode 10: "One Way Out". Kino fucking gets to live.

Look, a girl has needs, and those needs include reading every single Kino fix-it for Episode 10 on AO3. This was my favorite by far, I think maybe because it *doesn't* involve Cassian? The episode ending was the right ending for that arc in Cassian's story, but this fic picks up the thematic threads and weaves them into off a very Star Wars escape for Kino. It could use some more love - possibly the very basic title and summary kept people away - so don't forget to comment!

No Survivors by elwenyere (Cassian/Melshi)

It had been three standard years, two months, and twenty-five days since Melshi had made himself walk away from the man he’d known as Keef Girgo.

Great mid-mission reunion for Cassian and Melshi, their slowly growing attachment and exploration of Cassian's trauma are beautifully written, and the plot starts to poke at the roots of Rogue One.

Personal Effects by mosylu

Spies travel light. Even so, Cassian Andor left things behind.

A neatly drawn outsider-POV character study, as the Rebels clear out the belongings of the Death Star's dead. This fic's older, but felt very matched in tone with Andor.

A Proud, Unpleasant Sort of Man by angel_deux (Han/Leia, Cassian/Jyn)

It takes Cassian Andor and Han Solo an embarrassingly long time to realize that they aren't each other's rivals.

Funny and sweet post-Rogue One everybody-lives AU.

DCU

Inscribed on Body & Soul by drowningfire

Jason Todd died knowing he was loved. His resurrection took even that from him. Turns out he came back to life needing saving just as much as he did when he left it. Thankfully the Bats and Birds have always specialised in impossible rescues. And while love can't fix everything having proof of it can't hurt.

AKA In a world where the names of those who love you inscribe themselves upon your skin, Jason's resurrection plays out a little differently.

Lovely platonic soulmates AU with lots of feelings and angst for everyone in the family, just the way I like it.

of crime lords and literature by adelfie

Gloved fingers close over Tim’s throat and slowly begin to squeeze.

“Jason!” he gasps, choking. “Have you ever read Macbeth?”

The Red Hood stares at him like Tim just slapped him with a fish.

With his grades slipping, Tim worries Bruce will take Robin away. So when the Red Hood breaks into his room with the intent to kill him, Tim decides it's a good idea to ask him for help on his English homework. It works. And then it doesn't. And then Tim solves a mystery and almost dies anyway.

The summary makes this sound kinda cracky but I actually loved the plot. (Tim, how is your life just SO disaster? It's really a talent.)

Little Red and the Big Bad Hood by CrzyFun

Olivia Draper had been a good idea at first. She could pass for older than Tim could pull off while masculine and women really could get into places easier if they had a pretty face. With makeup and some stylish-yet-inexpensive clothes, Olivia could pull off most undercover ops. She was Tim’s Matches Malone.

Then Hood had shown up on the scene.

Charming AU with tons of identity porn as Jason grudgingly big-brother-adopts genderfluid Tim while he's undercover.

For the Sick and Dying by GoAwayOlivia

It’s been a while since Jason has felt this bad. He’s used to being bruised and aching, used to broken bones and lacerations of all sizes and depths, but it’s been a hell of a long time since he’s been sick, and he’d honestly forgotten how much it sucks. His family isn't exactly helping matters.

In which Jason is hilariously dramatic about being sick. I enjoyed the hell out of this while actually sick, but I think the appeal is universal.

The last (but certainly not least) story I have for you is a delightful Leverage/The Old Guard crossover, which was the funniest thing I read all month.

The Fountain of Youth Job by BazinMousqueton

The Leverage: Redemption team are hired to investigate Merrick Pharmaceuticals following a suspicious death in South Sudan. They embark on a con, infiltrate Merrick’s HQ… and find some unexpected prisoners in his research lab.

This one is more accessible for Leverage-only fans than TOG-only fans, I think, but it has a pitch-perfect grasp on the Leverage crew (Redemption era) and a great con setup - which gets partially and hilariously derailed when they find Joe and Nicky.

[pocketbelt]

Final Fantasy VII Rebirth [Feb 2024 Demo] (PS5)

I never did get around to the Intergrade DLC from the PS5 version of VII Remake, so the jump from Remake to this is even more striking. I think VII-R1 controlled and played generally pretty well, but good lord is the feel here better. Movement, attacking, blocking and dodging all feel so much faster and more fluid, really bringing the pace of things up, and the Synergy moves and other little additions are very delightful.

The focus on minigames, little touches and extra details, particularly here in the Nibelheim flashback segment (which is the entirety of the demo thus far; they intend to patch it to unlock a part set in Junon but I'll skip it to save the experience) is very striking, and speaks to what developers can do when they have so much work already done in a precursor game.

Square announced they intend to restructure their development process and pipelines in April; I have concerns around that (fears that they'll slip in generative AI shite, which has already tainted Foamstars and there's already been a scare for VII Rebirth), but from one angle it seems like it's super necessary: it's insane that there's not even a full year between this and FFXVI.

The two together are basically an object lesson in the virtues of iterative sequels, broader asset and system reuse and the importance of legacy knowledge and skills. So many of XVI's woes are because it was an action game from a department completely unused to that, who had to make every facet of it basically from scratch; VII Remake clearly grew out of the existing melange of knowledge from the FFXIII and Kingdom Hearts games, and VII Remake's existence means huge swathes of work were already done for VII Rebirth so the usual massive budget and time-span could be spent building on it instead of starting from zero. And that shouldn't be news to Square Enix but they really forgot the importance of that shit in the jump between XII and the Fabula Nova Crystallis mess.

I've stewed over doing an essay pointing it out, especially after using the Pixel Remasters for a refresh of I-VI, but it's striking just how iterative and similar the Final Fantasy games are all the way up to the PS2 era. The VII Remake games are proving that that was extremely important to making the old FFs as good as they were, and god, I hope leadership at Square Enix finally figures that the fuck out.

Though it's just as likely they'll decide to turn to the vomit factory that is generative AI in some stupid blind hope that it'll somehow make reinventing the wheel for an eighth time work out.

[aprillikesthings]

moar rewatch

s1! ep2 and 3!

Bow's voice actor's work here is so good lolol

Nice work establishing that only Adora can do the transformation thing with the magic sword

Man someone on youtube has to have done one of those therapist deep-dives on their relationship. So much of their interactions are just painfully accurate for the way a kid reacts to an abusive parent--that combination of fear and resentment and still wishing you could make them happy, just once.

My family didn't have a golden child vs. scapegoat thing going on, though. I wonder if this is based on the writers' own experiences or if one of them read about that dynamic or had a therapist consulted or what

oof too real 😬

anyway Free Palestine

even cartoons know that murdering civilians and/or destroying their homes makes you the bad guy

There's some parallels here with kids who grew up in conservative/evangelical families realizing their family's politics and faith weren't based around Jesus at all but were based around bigotry and small-minded cruelty and knowing they have to leave, and knowing ND Stevenson's background I assume it's intentional

"You've known these people for, what, a couple of hours? and you're going to throw everything away for them?"

:( and to Catra, this just feels like a betrayal. There's a meta post somewhere way back in my tags that was like, from Catra's POV, Adora knew how shitty Shadow Weaver treated Catra and that wasn't enough to rebel and leave, but knowing Glimmer and Bow for a handful of hours was, and how much that had to hurt like hell, considering Catra put up with Shadow Weaver's abuse for so long in part to protect Adora and in part because it meant her and Adora were still together

Ugh this is why I love this show, Catra's actions are sometimes just awful but they make sense given what we know about her life, and right now she's just panicking and trying to hide it

And meanwhile Bow and Glimmer are like "actually we've decided we trust you :) can you be fancy sword lady again thanks!"

Like of course Adora is going to pick Bow and Glimmer and not Catra in that moment!!

"Is that....Adora?" "It's She-ra!"

Yeah that's not gonna be the source of weird "who the fuck even AM I" feelings later ha ha ha amiright

Also along with all the other weirdness of suddenly being bigger/different outfit etc, like, She-Ra is not only WAY stronger, but also knows how to fight in that body and with that sword. Like having muscle memory you didn't know you had. That's gotta be WEIRD. (I mean, there's also memories that clearly aren't hers, too)

Poor bb is scared, mad, and kinda turned on (shhhh I can headcanon whatever I want)

I called Yellow Diamond a clod, right to her face!!

("You made that joke the first time you saw this ep April" It's just a good joke okay!!)

OKAY EPISODE OVER

EP 3

Glimmer: everyone hates Horde soldiers but I think people will love you as She-Ra YOU JUST HAVE TO BE SHE-RA HA HA IT'LL BE FINE

Adora, internally: I'm only valuable/acceptable/lovable as long as I can be She-Ra, a person who isn't entirely me and that I don't know how to control and feel extremely weird about, got it

LOL I FORGOT HOW THEY GOT SWIFT WIND

whether the sword's edges are sharp or not is entirely dependent on whether someone needs it to be or not pffft

ouch

lol this would be such a wild cosplay to do

(a quick image google says the original is far more popular for cosplay; only a couple of people have done this version)

"Adora's gone, she's defected. And I'm starting to think she had the right idea!"

...okay how tempted do we think Catra actually was to just fucking leave.

Once again: intentional parallels to high-control religious groups

But the reference to Lord Hordak specifically also has shades of "Just wait until your father finds out what you did!" which is, uh, a little uncomfortably close to home ngl

DEEP SIGH

boy do I hate how familiar this is

I used to get so scared it would make my stomach hurt, and I'd shake the same way Catra does here, which sometimes made him angrier

jesus christ

okay how much of my love of Catra as a character is bc I can empathize with her in moments like this one (I was never as openly rebellious or back-talking as she is though; any disagreement got me screamed at)

I mean on the other hand Hordak is like "bitch, I know you've been doing this whole Golden Child/Scapegoat bullshit, so if your Golden Child fucked off and the Scapegoat is all you've got left then congrats that's on you, dumbass."

Catra thought she was gonna be murdered and instead she got a promotion

OKAY BUT ahahah oh god

IF Hordak had actually punished Catra or even threatened her in any way, I feel like Catra would, in fact, have left. There would be nothing left for her in the Horde, right? So why not leave?

But Hordak didn't promote Catra because he personally believes in her abilities, he did it to piss off Shadow Weaver. Then again maybe he knows that promoting Catra means she'll stay loyal.

Because it works, doesn't it. Oof. Catra wants to prove herself, dammit; and she's been given a shot at doing it, so she's staying.

Aaaugh.

OKAY that's 3 episodes out of 52. I think I'm done for today. No guarantees, though. Also there's no way I can do this for every single episode. >_<

[mortemoppetere]

TIMING: early april PARTIES: @rhythmicmeow & @mortemoppetere SUMMARY: leticia rescues emilio from a chatty bar patron and decides he's her friend now. he doesn't get a say. for once, he's not mad about it. CONTENT WARNINGS: alcohol consumption

It wasn’t exactly rare for Emilio to find himself sitting at the bar. While he did enjoy cheap whiskey in the comfort of his own living room more than a bar full of strangers, it was important to… unwind, sometimes. Talk to someone who could talk back, even if it only served to irritate him. And right now? It was irritating him.

The man had slid next to him and just started talking. Another night, Emilio might have found some way to shut him up — a punch to the face, or maybe an offer to get out of there that would at least make the man’s company a little more bearable — but he found he wasn’t in the mood tonight. He should have stayed home, really; all he wanted was to drink in peace. But here was this man, rambling on and on about something Emilio couldn’t even keep up with anymore. He dropped his head against his fist, eyes screwed tightly shut. Fucking Wicked’s Rest. 

Leticia ducked into a bar after work. The shop had been open for just a week and the store had been swarmed with teenagers and young college students from the local campus - it had been a lot. And after the closed sign had been flipped over, she had been left with a lot of extra energy and no place to direct it. At least until she saw an overly exhausted man sitting at the bartop and someone else, a few seats down, yell-talking to the other man. A life story that no one had signed up for, it seemed. 

Taking a seat next to the exhausted man, Leticia shrugged off her jacket. “Sorry, I didn’t realize how late it was but you know teenagers, you say the shop is closing and suddenly they’re invested in the fly on the wall and won’t leave.” She flashed the man who had been ranting earlier a bright smile. “Thanks for keeping him company! Lord knows he would have died from boredom without you.” She had dismissed the stranger in the friendliest of ways, she just needed her new friend to play along unless he wanted to suffer through another rambling story. 

For a moment, Emilio thought the stranger who slid onto the barstool next to him had mistaken him for someone else. She spoke with a familiar tone, as if they knew each other well and planned on meeting up here tonight. He was about to let her know she had the wrong guy when she turned to the man who’d been talking his damn ear off and things clicked into place. Ah. Not a case of mistaken identity — a rescue attempt. Emilio hid a smile behind his glass, taking a swig of whiskey and offering the woman a nod. “No problem. It happens.”

The stranger on his other side looked disappointed, something flickering across his face as he glanced between Emilio and the new addition. “Ah, my bad, bro,” he said, shaking his head. “Didn’t realize you were meeting a date here. Hey, if you want my number —”

“I don’t have a phone,” Emilio deadpanned, sliding his phone off the bar and into his pocket. The man looked a little offended, but seemed to have gotten the idea. With a shrug, he slunked away, off to find another victim. Emilio let out a small sigh of relief, turning to face the woman who’d ‘saved’ him from a very boring fate. “Appreciate the assist. Five more minutes and I think I would’ve put my head through the bar.”

Covering her mouth, Leticia hid an ill placed laugh as her newfound companion claimed to not have a phone. It was cold and brilliant all in one. “I’ll have to remember that line, that was good,” she whispered. Though considering how many times she had been in this position, where someone had asked for her number and refused to take a hint - it wasn’t as funny as the moment felt. A simple no should have been enough, but considering the short snapshot that Leticia had seen of their behavior, a no would have led to some uncomfortable begging. 

Some people refused to take a hint. No matter how obvious it was. 

“I wasn’t sure if you were going to fall asleep or yeah - put your head through the bar. Wouldn’t blame you either way. Five minutes is longer than I would have lasted. But mom always did say I lacked patience.” Leticia huffed a laugh and waved down the bartender, ordering a drink before turning back to her ‘date.’ “Leticia,” she offered. “And I’m… well, I’m new in town. Please tell me this isn’t the bad bar in town and that it’s just that one guy who is ruining it.” 

“Gets the hint across,” Emilio replied with a shrug. It wasn’t a position he was in often, of course; he got the feeling she dealt with things like that a lot more than he did. Maybe that was why she’d stepped in as she had — maybe she was returning a favor someone had done for her once, when she’d been in such a position. Emilio wondered if he’d be expected to do the same now, if there was some chain reaction he’d unwittingly become a part of. He’d do it, but Christ, it was annoying that such a thing was necessary. 

At least this conversation was better than the one that had preceded it. So far, she was much less annoying than the man she’d chased away. It wasn’t saying much, of course. Most people would fall farther back on the ‘annoying’ scale than that guy had. But it was something, at least. A way to pass the time. He needed that, sometimes. “Ah, you don’t think it’s a virtue?” His tone was dry, with a slight teasing lilt. He’d never been particularly good at patience himself, truth be told. Five minutes might have been a generous estimate. “Emilio. Not here long myself, but it usually isn’t so bad here. Better than other bars, at least.”

The word risky hung on the tip of Leticia’s tongue, but maybe, in this scenario, it wasn’t. He had her as backup, so if the man had pushed any further, there would have been a witness - and it would have been messier than the usual brand of uncomfortable. But there was an ease in the transition from creepy unwanted conversation to something lighter. A shade friendlier than Leticia had expected. “A virtue, yeah. And humility. Both I’ve, uh, failed on several fronts?” In her line of business, humility might have been good in some cases, but in most? It was a weakness that critics would have used to tear her down. A crack in the armor that would have been exploited. And seeming to be untouchable was preferred to looking vulnerable. 

Words hurt less when you pretended they meant nothing. 

Funny, coming from a musician. 

“And it looked like you were suffering for your virtue. And dying of boredom? Worst way to go.” Leticia let out a small, dramatic whistle, all the while smiling. “Emilio?” She repeated, committing the name to memory. “Not the tour guide I was looking for then.” Regardless, he had a view of this place that Leticia didn’t. A different experience. And if nothing else, a companion to waste the night with in a bar. “What made you pick Wicked’s Rest? The amazing company and conversation?” She teased lightly. 

“Humility is overrated,” Emilio replied, smiling faintly. That was one virtue his mother hadn’t cared for. If you were good at something, she’d said, make it known. Humility served no purpose when lives were on the line. It hadn’t come up as often with Emilio as it had with his siblings, of course. He’d never had to worry much about humility because he’d never been good enough at anything to inspire it. His siblings were better hunters than he was, his sister a better parent. It was only humble to claim you weren’t the best if it wasn’t true. 

Not that it mattered now, he supposed. Mexico was a world away, and no one was left to comment on his feelings outside Emilio himself. And, for the moment at least, he’d rather drink than dwell on them. Maybe that would be different tomorrow. The possibility made him think he ought to enjoy tonight while he could.

“Ah,” he said, clicking his tongue and shaking his head, “I’m nothing if not a martyr.” It was funnier if you knew him, he thought, if you knew just how badly he wanted it to be true. Or maybe it wasn’t funny at all. His sense of humor had never been a universal thing. “Not much of a tour guide, I’m afraid. But I can tell you which bars won’t kick you out for not paying your tab.” It was, in his opinion, very useful information to have. At the question, he shrugged a shoulder and lifted his glass to his lips again. He knew the answer, of course, but telling a stranger that you were a vampire hunter who’d moved to this town because it seemed like there was a high probability of dying for your cause there was probably not the best idea. “No specific reason, I think. It just… seemed like a good place to rest for a while. How about you?”

“My mother would hate you,” Leticia huffed a laugh, but that warm feeling of familiarity was fleeting. It was too soon to be happy and mention her family. Too soon to think about her mother, who was running with the wind, and be comfortable. Grief was quick to pull down her mood, but Leticia covered her mouth and coughed, pretending like it was a passing moment - just something stuck in her throat. Nothing more. Humility would keep her alive, her mother would say. It would keep the rangers from sniffing her out, it would keep her safe - it would keep her unknown. Something that she had echoed time and time again. And Leticia had ignored her every time. Maybe she should have listened. Maybe things would have been different.

Taking a quick sip of her drink, burying the grief as deep as she could. Drowning it in whatever she could find. She needed this more than she realized. 

“Very noble of you. Your drunk brethren are eternally grateful, I’m sure.” But the dry humor was enough to cut into the thoughts she had given more life to. “Can you tell me which bars have an open mic?” It’d probably be the kind of bar that Emilio didn’t enjoy, but he would be sure to remember it as one to avoid. “Ha, rest.” It likely wasn’t the joke that Leticia made it out to be, but she snickered nonetheless. The question turned on her, and she should have expected it - should have prepared a lie that was convincing. Instead, she looked at her drink and shrugged. “Seemed like a good idea at the time. It was one of those… throw a dart at a map and just go sort of moves, ya know?” 

“Eh, most mothers do.” His own had never been his biggest fan, and Juliana’s mother had soured on him over time, too. He glanced to the woman at his side, recognizing that look on her face in spite of how fleeting it was. Emilio knew grief well enough to pick it out of a crowd. It was like an old friend, one so familiar to you that you knew their face with as much surety as you knew your own. No more talk of mothers, then. That was preferable to him, too. Thinking of his own still hurt in ways he couldn’t quite wrap his head around, for reasons he wasn’t sure he understood. There was a selfish sort of comfort in knowing he wasn’t the only one sitting at this bar that felt such a way.

Her next question caught him off guard. Looking at her, he wouldn’t have taken her for the sort of person who might enjoy an open mic… but, in all fairness, Emilio didn’t know enough about karaoke to know what kind of person would. Maybe it would have been obvious to him if things like that were things that made more sense in his mind. “Maybe a place downtown. College kids like that, ¿sí?” Emilio tended to avoid such scenes. He preferred dive bars, where the drinks were cheap and the questions came few and far between. He furrowed his brow, taking a moment to understand what she was laughing at but huffing a quiet chuckle when it dawned on him. “Guess I walked into that one.” He nodded as she told her own story, though he suspected it was abridged. “Might not be the best place for a dart to land.”

It would be a stranger in a bar she randomly decided to stumble into that would make Leticia think. He hadn’t pressed any buttons, it was entirely her own doing. But between the sadness and the grief, she didn’t feel the judgment she had expected from the wider world. A blessing, perhaps, that she was just another face in the crowd in this town and not the girl who shifted on stage. Maybe she was no better than that ranting man who was sitting in the corner now, unloading his entire life on Emilio just a few moments before. 

But if Emilio felt the same way about her, he was doing a masterful job of hiding it. 

Leticia wrinkled her nose, imagining a bar filled with the same young adults she had been dealing with for the better part of the morning. Probably not a good idea to hang out with the same crowd after hours. “Gross,” she mumbled, before quickly going to correct herself. “I mean, yeah I’m sure that’s where some might be. I just see a lot of that crowd at my shop,” she quietly admitted. “So, spending after hours with them too? Not high on the list. Oh well.” It took him a moment but eventually the joke landed and Leticia chuckled again. “Well, there are worse places to be, believe me.” Caught in the woods. Back home, in an empty shell of a house. “Besides, you came here for no reason. Don’t think you’ve got the high ground on this one.”

He huffed a surprised laugh at her response to his suggestion, shaking his head. “No, I think gross is right. Those kids are always so…” He trailed off, making a vague gesture with his hand. “Llenos de energía. Makes me tired just looking at them.” Certainly not something he wanted around when he was trying to unwind with a drink. Emilio liked kids, he did. But there were times when he would rather be in adult company. Like here, like now. This conversation wasn’t one he could see himself having with a college student looking to test the limits of their fake ID. 

“You have a shop? What kind?” It caught his attention a little, if only because of the nature of many of the shops in Wicked’s Rest. If she owned a magic shop or a weapon store, it would tell him a thing or two about her. It might also come in handy if he needed something in that area in the near future. Befriending someone who sold weapons would be a wise move for someone who went through as many knives as Emilio did… but if most of her clients were college kids, he doubted Leticia was slinging blades. “Ah, but there were no darts involved. I think that gives me some high ground.”

Snorting, Leticia covered her mouth to muffle a laugh. He wasn't wrong. There were times where Leticia wasn't sure how the hell they managed to keep up the energy - it was as if there was an endless stream of energy that only they could touch. There was a time when she had been able to bounce off the walls and use that energy to perform, but that was so long ago. (Was she getting old?) "A shame we outgrew that trick."

Though, if she had that kind of energy now, would it be any good? Or would it be just a path quicker to death?

"A record shop, The Vinyl Countdown. Doubles as a radio studio." It was the most mundane business to have in a town like Wicked's Rest. But Leticia was clinging to normalcy. And the fragile memories of her father. "I actually think not using a dart is worse. I came here by the pure will of God. You chose to come here. We are not the same," she teased. 

“Ah, speak for yourself. I’m young and spry.” He wasn’t. He hadn’t been full of college kid levels of energy since before he became a father, and he’d certainly lost whatever was left of it when he stopped being one. But he thought the joke might be funny, anyway, even to someone he’d only just met. 

A record shop. Nothing of interest to Emilio, really, though he tried not to let the disappointment show on his face. He didn’t want to be rude, after all; he just didn’t have much use for music. It wasn’t something his mother had found particularly important growing up, for a lot of reasons, so there was none of the nostalgia that most people felt when a tune started to play. It was just… one of many, many things that Emilio didn’t quite understand. “Sounds nice,” he offered, because it seemed the polite thing to do. He snorted at her insistence that ending up here by chance was far more understandable than coming here intentionally, because… well, she wasn’t entirely wrong, was she? “Okay, fair enough. You regretting that dart practice yet?”

Another laugh came as easily as the last, and for a moment, all the shit in the world felt further away. The exact thing Leticia had been looking for when she stepped into the bar. It felt like ages since she was able to simply exist in her body around someone. "I'm sorry young man," Leticia teased. "When you get to be my age, it's hard to tell the age of anyone. All you kids look the same. You'll understand when you're older."

There was no excitement in his voice when he replied and Leticia found herself wondering why there was a distance between himself and music. Most people would share their favorite bands or something else - but sounds nice? She thought about raising the question, but thought better of it. The last thing that Emilio likely needed tonight was an impromptu interrogation about music of all things. "You know..." Did she regret it? Leticia had never given herself a moment to think about it, if this was the place she wanted to land and come home to. "Of all the bullshit I do regret, I think ending up here is pretty low on the list. Save the self pity for the big problems, right?" 

A smirk ghosted across Emilio’s face, rare but genuine. It was always better when someone played along with your stupid jokes, even for someone like him whose jokes were often little more than dry remarks or wry comments. “No, no,” he said, waving a hand. “I’ll be young forever. You know how it is.” Maybe that joke was funnier in a town like this, where a decent size of the population really didn’t age. 

Something seemed to cross her face at his response, which wasn’t entirely surprising. Music was important to people, and they often didn’t understand why it wasn’t important to Emilio. It was one of those many, many things that set him apart from other humans, one of those little quirks his mother had beaten into him to make sure he’d always be just a little different. He wasn’t sure how much of it was intentional and how much of it was a strategy to ensure he wouldn’t find himself too ingrained in the portion of society she’d thought he had no business being a part of. He wasn’t sure how much it mattered. He studied Leticia as she spoke, nodding his head thoughtfully. Save the self pity for the big problems. Not bad advice. “Think that’s a nice way of thinking of it,” he offered. “For what it’s worth, I don’t think this is the worst place you could have ended up.” Not bad for him, either. She was a decent conversation partner, at least.

Young forever. On the surface, that seemed like a dream. People loved their youth, wanted to stay in that same frame of body for their entire lives. But forever was a long time. Even longer with the mental struggles of dealing with... everything. Leticia didn't envy those who did have an eternity here. But still, she laughed. The ache that came with the idea of eternity felt further away in his company. It was strange that a stranger could keep the darkness away while playing with it in the same motion. "That's what they all say. Call me when you get your first gray. I'll give you the over the hill speech."

Irrational optimism was something that Leticia had mastered early in life. She had to focus on the silver linings otherwise she'd lose control and be the monster that rangers hunted and humans feared. Control over her outlook was the one thing she had, and nothing could make her give that up. Meeting his gaze, she returned the nod with a slight shrug, a smile in the corner of her mouth. "This place isn't boring at least," she replied, eyeing the man who had been rambling to Emilio earlier. It felt like such a shift, now that she was sitting down and thinking about it. Her life on stage. In New York - around the world. And this is where she ended up. "You know, for someone who wanted to drink in peace, you sure are making me think a lot." 

“You’ll be waiting a while for that call.” And that, at least, was probably the truth. Hunters didn’t tend to end up with gray hair and wrinkled skin, though not because they were immortal. Dying young was its own kind of loophole to aging, and hunters were good at that. Emilio had already made it far longer than he’d ever expected to. If he was being generous, he figured he had a year or two left. Probably less. Not enough time to end up with gray hairs to call strangers about, in any case. 

Not boring was certainly one way to describe Wicked’s Rest. There was always something going on, always some strange event twisting the town up into something else, something different. Emilio had only been there a short time, but he’d already taken notice of it. It was an easy place to disappear, if you weren’t human. It was an easy place to die, if you were. His answer for which option was the most tempting seemed to change day to day now. He huffed a quiet laugh as Leticia said he was making her think, shrugging a shoulder. “What can I say? Soy perspicaz. I have lots of interesting things to say.” He paused, picking up his glass and swirling the liquid around. “But drinking in silence could be fun, too.”

Wrinkling her nose, Leticia leaned to the side, looking over his face carefully. Leaning back into her seat, she made a noise and then shrugged a shoulder. "I think it might be coming sooner than later. But don't worry," she offered with a smirk. "I'll make sure to have some options for you. Hair dye - some face cream. You won't look a day over twenty." Part of her had felt the need to tell him that aging wasn't the worst thing that could happen to him, but judging by the way he drank, maybe that wasn't what he was talking about at all.

But who was she to judge? He was doing exactly what she had wanted to do. But Leticia was too scared of losing control again. Too scared of her own shadow to breathe properly. Maybe another drink would settle her mind, so she waved slightly to the bartender, silently ordering another drink.

"Uh huh," she murmured. "I could always call your friend back over if you need more conversation. Maybe he'll appreciate your perception." There was no heat behind the threat, but Leticia wiggled her eyebrows and pretended to look half interested in calling them back over. "Too late for that," she waved her hand at his glass. "It's your turn. What do you do for a living here?" 

Faint amusement danced in his eyes as she looked him over, brows shooting up when she insisted that old age was coming for him sooner or later. The idea of putting cream on his face or dyeing his hair to stop it seemed laughable. If a hunter did grow into a wrinkled, gray-haired thing, they tended to wear it as a mark of pride. A trophy of sorts, for surviving against all odds. It wouldn’t be Emilio, but he’d seen others get there. His mother, his uncle, Rhett. “I think I’d rather… ah… age gracefully. No dye or cream for me. No shame in looking your age, is there?” 

He leaned back in his seat as she ordered another drink, taking the opportunity of the bartender’s attention being turned in their direction to do the same. He’d had enough already that the bartender gave him a dubious look, but not so much that they refused to serve him. A few more, and he knew that would be the case. Until then, he’d take what he could get.

“Ah, let him move on. You’re going to serve him a broken heart, letting him get hung up on me.” He knew there was little chance of her actually calling the man back over, despite not knowing her well. Detectives were perceptive, after all, and he could tell that Leticia wasn’t the sort to engage in such ‘punishments.’ Even if Emilio might deserve it for the comment. Huffing another quiet laugh, he tapped his finger against his glass. “Private investigator,” he replied. “You’d think that would mean less college kids bothering me. Not always true.”

Leticia moved on without lingering on why he was so adamant that he wouldn't switch grays up and that if he did he wouldn't hide them. Hoping he'd see it for what it was, a buffer of respect. Not disinterest. "Maybe you'll get lucky and it won't be just one random white spot on your head. Could end up with a skunk stripe. Might look cool, actually."

She held in a laugh again, pulling her gaze away from the man before he noticed the pair eyeing him again. Not to spare the man from another ‘broken heart,’ but to spare herself from having to look him in the eyes again and say no, it wasn’t an invitation for conversation. “Wouldn’t have pegged you as the heartbreaker type. Besides, I think I broke his heart for you last time. I’m due some credit here.” Leticia noticed the look that Emilio got from the bartender, and she shot him one herself. An arched brow and a silent question. Were they going to get kicked out because of him?

A private investigator. Leticia found herself ready to ask Emilio his rates and see if he was taking on more cases. The only thing that held her back was the reality of who she was and what she was. Could she ask a human to help her? Would he be able to if she had to censor half the important information? She bit her tongue but kept his profession in mind. If she couldn’t make any headway in the next few months - turning to a human wouldn’t be the worst idea she’s had. “What do teenagers need help with so much they need a PI? Rich kids mad the poor kid scored higher than them and need dirt on them?” 

“I don’t think that happens to people,” Emilio protested. He’d never seen anyone with a single stripe of white in their hair before, but, to be fair, he hadn’t seen many people with white in their hair at all. Growing up exclusively around hunters would do that to a guy. “Maybe you’ll get a skunk stripe.” 

Smirking, Emilio looked at his glass on the bar to avoid the urge to look at the man they were speaking of. He was the type who’d take it as an invitation to rejoin them, Emilio could tell. And neither he nor Leticia wanted that. In fact, he doubted anyone wanted this particular man engaging them in conversation if all his attempts were like what he’d subjected Emilio to. Getting stabbed sounded like more fun. “Ah, I’ve broken plenty of hearts.” Absently, his thumb rubbed against the wedding band still sitting upon his finger, the one he’d never managed to convince himself to take off. He was good at breaking things. Hearts included. “Okay, you want to be the heartbreaker? I’ll let you have it all to yourself.”

Something seemed to cross her face, though not the usual curiosity people seemed to carry when they heard what he did for a living. Most people were curious because they assumed it was something more exciting than it was. Leticia seemed curious in a much more personal way. But she didn’t voice whatever question was on her mind, and Emilio decided to respect it. If she wanted to ask whatever it was, she’d ask it. If she didn’t, he wouldn’t get anywhere by forcing the subject. “Had one come to me about a lost cat. Another had someone blackmailing her, wanted me to look into it. And… a few do want dirt on their classmates. I usually tell those no.” Digging up dirt on adults was one thing, but kids? Emilio couldn’t justify it, no matter how much he needed money.

“It absolutely happens to people. Just because you haven’t seen it, doesn’t mean it’s never happened.” Leticia brought two fingers to her eyes and then pointed them at Emilio’s, “You better watch out or your first experience with it is going to be you.” Taking a glance at her own hair, she frowned. “I could pull it off. You might come out blotchy, but I’ll age like fine wine, thanks.” The words came out easily, like they had been friends for a few decades and not for under an hour. It was strange. But a good kind of strange. 

“I don’t want to be a heartbreaker out of pity. That’s insulting.” Leticia had broken the hearts of fans before, she was sure. A romantic connection, though? Never. Fame had put her out of touch with most people and out of reach of anyone she might actually want to talk to. It… muddled things too much. And Leticia had never been sure if the highs of having a partner would be worth all the risk that came with it. Even without the fame, she wasn’t sure how to open that door without revealing too much. Shit was complicated. But wasn't everything?

“Tell me you found the cat,” Leticia said quickly. Clearing her throat, she leaned back in her chair and then shrugged. “I mean. Pets are important, you know? They’re like family.” The college students blackmailing each other was just as alarming, but it only brought one thought to the forefront of her mind: “Glad I skipped college if that’s how they act. Christ.” It was an interesting occupation. She couldn’t imagine he was ever bored - but that was likely why he was there, drinking himself numb with a bartender giving him glances that looked like harsh warnings. Too much to drink or was the bill too high. Leticia made brief eye contact with the bartender again before awkwardly looking away. “I thought high school drama was bad. Where do these kids have all this free time to have a job and go to college and blackmail?” 

“Have you ever seen it?” He challenged, raising a brow and crossing his arms over his chest. She’d probably seen old age more often than he had, though he wasn’t entirely sure she wouldn’t say yes just to make herself look more reliable here regardless of whether or not it was the truth. “I don’t know about that. I think you’d look more like a skunk than I would, with the long hair. I could make mine look like a choice, if I wanted.” As if anything about Emilio’s appearance was a choice instead of just something that happened. Even his clothing style was limited to what he could ‘find.’ He’d gotten lucky that someone in his building had been throwing out a few trashbags full of clothes that fit him shortly after he’d moved in.

She was easy enough to talk to, which was odd. Most people weren’t, especially for Emilio. But Leticia responded to everything like it was a joke, like it didn’t matter, and there was something relaxing about that even if it was all for show. Sometimes, you needed something light to keep you on your feet. “If you stop taking things out of pity, you might not be left with much,” he warned her, tone dry even as amusement sparked behind his eyes. 

Uncrossing his arms to take his glass in his hand again, he smiled faintly. “Never even had to leave the kid’s apartment. It was under her couch the whole time, just hiding out. Couldn’t make myself charge her for it.” That was the problem every time he took a case that wasn’t the usual fare — he always had a hard time taking money for them. When a case was important, when it meant something, there was a strange sense of guilt that came with the concept of making someone pay for it. Something that stemmed from his upbringing as a slayer, he suspected, from that old idea that everyone and everything with a heartbeat was so much more important than he was. “Eh, half of them don’t work. Live off their parents’ dime, you know? Easy taking money from those ones.”

“I don’t see how that’s relevant,” Leticia retorted quickly, pretending like that didn’t reveal everything at the same time. It was the equivalent of saying no comment and pretending that it was enough to rebuff the question. Leticia only made it more convincing when she shrugged a shoulder and took a long sip of her drink. Far more important than answering the question, wasn’t it? “You said that with your full chest not realizing I could just… cut my hair. You know that, right? Or I might get really lucky and have it only on one side of my head so I can use it like an accent piece to frame my face.” 

Wrinkling her nose, Leticia gave Emilio a look. “Fine,” she accepted. “But that means I’m going to pity you too. Fair is fair.” He wasn’t far off the mark, though. The only reason she had landed on her feet here had been a helpful fae that Leticia had given a promise to. It wasn’t so much pity as it was an exchange, but she knew that anyone standing on the other side of that promise would be standing tall and claiming that they had taken pity on her. It was only a matter of time before that pit  came back around for collection to a debt owed. 

Letting out a slow breath, Leticia nodded her head. “Good.” Not that he hadn’t made any money from it, but that he had found the cat. And maybe the kindness he showed too - it was refreshing. Was that normal in Wicked’s Rest? She didn’t know a soul in the city that would be as generous as to find a cat for free, even if it was in the same room as the person. People here could be equally cold, but the warmth was easier to find. “And they have the audacity to look at other people’s problems to use against them?” She shouldn’t have been shocked. In New York, she wouldn’t have bat an eye at the comment. But as different as this place, it wasn’t as different as she had hoped. “Couldn’t be me. Ma would have kicked my ass if she got a whisper of me acting that way.” 

“I knew it,” Emilio scoffed, looking pleased with himself. He took a celebratory sip of his own drink as if he’d achieved some great victory, ignoring the fact that Leticia did the same. One thing he’d learned through the art of having three older siblings was that if you acted like you’d won with enough gusto, it would eventually become the truth. “I could shave my head, then,” he replied quickly, because two could play at that game. If she could find a loophole, so could he. Never mind that he hated the idea of shaving his head; it was all hypothetical, anyway. “That a thing? Using hair as an… accent?” His brow furrowed, confusion clear in his expression. Fashion, unsurprisingly to no one, wasn’t something in Emilio’s wheelhouse.

Immediately, he wanted to argue. Pity wasn’t something he wanted or needed, made his chest feel tight with the thought of it. Best case scenario, pity got someone killed. Emilio didn’t want that. But, at the same time, he could recognize that it was a joke. In an easy, lighthearted conversation like this one, there was no need to catastrophize even if his addled mind so badly wanted to do just that. He shook away the thought, shook away the argument, replaced it with a deadpan expression that was only half-forced. “No reason to pity me. I’m doing great.” He took another swig of his drink, as if to prove it.

He nodded in silent agreement to her statement. He was glad he found the damn cat, even if he didn’t get paid for it. Most of his cases were depressing stories with sad endings. It was nice to have a happy one, even if it was something small like a cat. It was big to someone. Huffing a laugh as she continued, he nodded his head. “Eh, people are assholes.” That didn’t surprise him anymore. People would always do whatever they had to do to get ahead. Emilio knew that. “Your mom seems smart, then.”

Leticia clicked her tongue and huffed, letting Emilio have the temporary victory. There was no doubt in her mind that she’d turn it around. Maybe even pass off someone’s intentional hair coloring and pass it off as proof that she was right. Was that lying? Only if he found out. “What if your eyebrows turn white? Are you going to shave those too?” It was a pointless argument, but Leticia wasn’t backing down. She held up her hand, covering the top part of his face. “You’d be dangerously close to looking like a cartoon villain if you did that.” An unexpected laugh escaped her. “Sorry — yeah. I’m more surprised you haven’t seen it in person. A lot of people use their hair, kinda like tattoos, another form of self expression.” 

Shaking her head, Leticia frowned again. “No, that’s not how it works. Two way street, buddy. If you don’t want the pity, you have to stop giving it away too.” Grabbing her own glass, she turned towards him more fully, arching a brow as he took another sip. If he was hoping she’d drop it there… well, unfortunately and fortunately for him, he had no idea how stubborn she could be. “Here’s to new friends, a well pouring bar, and no pity— okay drink up.” She lifted her glass quickly and put her hand out, tipping his glass up to, trying to force him to drink in acceptance to her claims.

People were assholes. There was no disagreeing to that statement. Years ago she would have said there was a light in everyone, you just had to find it. That being an asshole was usually just a defense mechanism — used like an impenetrable mask to hide. But grief had a funny way of muddying her thoughts. “Human nature, I suppose.” With a thin smile, Leticia nodded. “She is. But she’s also, maybe, the dart that chose Wicked’s Rest as the landing place.” 

“My eyebrows aren’t going to turn white. Where do you come up with this shit?” She seemed to have an endless supply of ‘what ifs’ for him here, and they only seemed to be getting more ridiculous. Was baldness a common feature of cartoon villains? Emilio wasn’t even sure. “Maybe I have seen it in person,” he replied, “but I wouldn’t know it. I don’t really, ah, keep up with those things.” Fashion trends were not something Emilio understood in the slightest. No one he’d known growing up had ever been concerned with them, and he didn’t think any of the people in his life with long hair had ever cared about how it framed their faces.

At least she was funny. Between the friendly conversation and the alcohol, Emilio felt more relaxed than he typically might, more at ease. Leticia wasn’t so bad, even if he’d never tell her that. “All right, all right, fine. I’ll drink to that. But only because I’ll drink to anything.” He clinked his glass against hers with a roll of his eyes, draining the whiskey from the glass.

Human nature. Not the best way to phrase it, given the significant population of assholes in Wicked’s Rest who weren’t human, but Emilio made no argument. It took him a moment to understand what Leticia meant when she admitted her mother was the ‘dart,’ and he huffed a quiet laugh. “Now that makes more sense.” But maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing.

Cracking a smile, Leticia quickly bit it back down. Pretending not to be thrilled at his reaction. “I am just a curious person. So naturally, I ask questions and contemplate the existence of others in broad ways. It’s good for expanding the mind.” It was a PR answer, and if her manager could have heard her now, he would have thought that maybe she had learned something. “Fashion trends tend to change rapidly too, so I’ll give you a pass this one time.”

Leticia should have protested his reasoning. Any reasonable person would have. Instead, she looked smug. “A win is a win, Emilio. I’ve learned to take ‘em where I can get ‘em.” And this, everything about it, was a win. It brushed against the feeling that she had been looking for since she had come into town. Being known without being known. Emilio chose to keep talking to her, even without the pretense of being a rockstar. If anyone knew who she was, would they choose to be her friend? Or would other motivations muddle it? 

Or would her emotions muddle it?

When the bartender passed again, Leticia clicked her tongue and sighed, covering the top of her drink. She was starting to feel it - not drunk in the way most people felt, but the humming of the spirit she shared this body with. It wasn’t a line she wanted to toy with. “Hate to be a party pooper, but I have to tap out. I’ll pay off the tab. Consider it a thank you. Or a fuck you, I hope your hair turns white first.”

[astorytotellyourfriends]

annual writing self-evaluation

All answers should be about works published in 2022.

i. Optional if applicable: link to last year’s self-evaluation

1. List of works published this year (in the order that they were posted):

as per usual that list is too long for this post so here's my 2022 fic roundup

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

i'm honestly proud of everything i wrote this year so this is fucking impossible!!! i guess if i HAD to pick from jatp, i'd pick coping because it was SUCH a massive project and i'm really, really fucking happy that i a. finished it and b. it was everything i wanted it to be. as for stranger things, if i had to limit myself to picking from my completed works then i'd go with both alike in dignity because idk it felt a little out of the box already even tho it was only my third hellcheer fic!

3. Work you are least proud of (and why):

i really hate this question because as i said before I'M PROUD OF EVERYTHING but if i had to go with a "least best" then i guess braiding my boyfriend's hair (boyfriend reveal!) because i definitely struggled with writing this and i think that's why i haven't returned to this verse since. i do want to go back to it bc i do have more ideas, but writing the filming of youtube videos is fucking impossible good lord.

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

when i first started writing if we don't leave this town (we might never make it out), i knew i wanted to have a scene where Eddie had his who did this to you moment and oh MAN it turned out even better than i could've hoped:

5. Share or describe a favorite comment you received:

basically every comment on chapter 9 of love is just a currency was in this same vein and i love every single one of them.

6. A time when writing was really, really hard:

when i got fuckin' covid back in april. just EXISTING was hard then.

7. A scene or character that you wrote that surprised you:

honestly the fact that i fell so goddamn hard for hellcheer really surprised me because i've been watching stranger things since it started and never gave a DAMN about fic until that stupid metalhead was sweet to the cute cheerleader.

8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

i guess maybe somehow figuring out how to balance several wips at once? it surprises me every goddamn day!

9. How do you hope to grow next year:

i mean, i said last year that i wanted to try some different genres and i think i sort of did that with just try your best (not to get hurt) but i'd really like to push that boundary a little more!

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

i've met so many wonderful people in the hellcheer community who are so loving and supportive and i'm so, so thankful for all of them 💛

11. Anything in your real life show up in your writing this year:

i mean. most of the time when i'm writing Eddie, i feel like i'm just writing a male version of me, so. yeah..

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

i have no new wisdom. only old wisdom: don't compare yourself to other people, it'll only end in pain and frustration. just keep doing what you're doing, try new things, and your writing will grow and improve and you'll be much happier for it.

13. Any new projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

GOD I HAVE SO MANY!!! i have SO many ideas that are period pieces and i'm just ITCHING to get to start them!!! but first, i must finish my wips. my poor wips.

14. Tag three writers/artists whose answers you’d like to read:

hi if you've made it this far, you're tagged. love you.

[buckmepapi]

IM. Not. Okay. I’m having an aneurysm. I’ve been seeing this guy for a few weeks now. He came to my home for the first time last night. In my room. Where my bookshelf’s are.

He picked up a spicy book and asked why I had little post it notes on some pages. He got to the smut page. Fuck. My. Life.

He read a few lines, set it back (in the right place may I add!) tapped the book and said “that’s good to know”

WHAT WAS GOOD TO KNOW!! Home girl was getting RAILED in the book. I’m not prepared to see this man again

(Side note My Killer Vacation by Tessa Bailey is a good read 5/5 would recommend)

OOOOOOH CHILE ,,, that was spicy and he deffo seems like he’d be planning some shit 🍆

I’ve actually never read an actual smut novel, so I will 100 percent check it out !!!!

Also I’m gonna post some long soppy shit rn; I finally left that toxic ass guy back in April that I was seeing for like 4 years (some of u may recall posts I made bc literally every single one of u would reply to the posts telling me to get out asap lol) and I started seeing this guy in June and boy lemme tell you

He is a skinny nerdy tattooed guy that radiates alt dilf energy with his sense of fashion and has a big thick dick that curves lord have mercy

He is literally so emotionally mature, like my god he treats me like royalty and will do anything for me. He moans and whimpers when we fuck, he’s also starting to come out of his shell and talk abit during sex now which I’m dying over, he knows all my kinks and is on bored, even jokes about breeding and I’m like 👀👀👀👀👀

He eats pussy like a god like I’ve never had sex feel good before. I’ve spoken about sex before on my page and I was pretty much lying bc I was overcompensating bc sex has never felt good for me but everytime this guy fucks me I feel like I’m in heaven and I’m always saying “oh my god?” Or “how are you doing that??”

Side note; I still can’t cum though. It’s not really him bc he feels incredible when he does literally anything I get all over chills I just get too inside my head bc no one’s ever made me cum but myself but he’s getting their with praise and reassurance and verbal stuff like dirty talk etc so I know damn well he’ll be able to do it one day. He understands and doesn’t get defensive or upset and blame me , he listens to what I want and learns.

Like I can not reiterate how this man is so mature emotionally and mentally, he’s empathetic, we’ve cried in front of each other many times. He even cries when I cry lol, when I’m upset he crouches down in front of me and holds t my face and looks at me when he speaks to me and kisses my forehead and I AHHSJDLSOAJSKA

We’ve said I love you to each other now, we’re dating/seeing each other exclusively and have been since we first met. We aren’t in a relationship yet and we’ve discussed it before but due to our past issues we’re taking it slow and waiting till it feels right so we don’t rush into anything too quick.

And!!! I let this man sleep over at my house every weekend. If y’all know me y’all know I have insomnia and also can’t sleep around people whatsoever. I feel so sleepy around him constantly and fall asleep next to him within 30 mins — he literally makes my inner child feel so safe and protected.

He understands my disabilities, is learning sign language to communicate with me when I can’t hear, helps me when I’m non verbal, looks after me when I’m in pain or tired, he understands my sensory issues and doesnt say hateful things to me about my disabilities or triggers. He understands my CPTSD and helps me during episodes — this man !! Holy shit!!!

That’s why I’ve been so quite as well bc I’m so happy ;; he’s coming over tomorrow after his shift at work and will be here till Monday AAAAAAAA

[greenlikethesea]

all these asks got the wondering in a total different way about a phrase that fits if Will ever imagined that eddie and steve would get together? cuz when eddie said that 'whats going on with me and steve is different from whats going on with you and mike' and lord he meant it! look at the guy theyre married now! cant imagine what it must have felt, and on the megan train of thought i must ask if eddie imagined himself to be The Other Woman for comedic purposes or if he really somehow blamed himself for steve's failmarriage because both steve AND megan confided in him over their insecurities in their marriage if i remember correctly?

ohhhhh man this is SO rich and SO complex! because @sparklyslug have talked a lot about this, and this is sort of how we think it shakes out (also, a LOT of the will/mike/el resolution is going to be addressed in something we're working on - they're all gonna be okay folks!!! ...eventually) re: ALL of will's thoughts on the Eddie/Steve situation:

we personally think that because will sees himself and eddie as being two sides of the same coin in ALL respects (which, they are in many ways, but for this particular situation of seemingly unrequited love, they are NOT), he doesn't think they'll get together. a lot of will's particular damage hinges on a line we wrote in "phrase that fits," which is that will is really hung up on others getting to move on when he himself feels very left behind by life. it's a huge part of his current character status on the show and we think that it is far more interesting to his development of a person if that bitterness festers because like...that's how life works! sometimes you fall into habits with people, especially those you have grown up with.

and we've also stated that if steve and eddie were to sort things out around the time of "phrase that fits," i.e. mid-late 1998, when things were still awful with mike, he would be beyond devastated, probably feeling a sense of betrayal that would be inappropriate (yet understandable!). this will be detailed in an upcoming work, but will and mike have a blowup about a month after will and eddie get back from california that results in them not talking for a long time. in the aftermath of that fight, will realizes that oh, mike and steve are fundamentally different people. if eddie and steve were having that fight, it would have gone differently. eddie and steve would be talking still, probably, and that hurts.

but because eddie and steve take so fucking long to get their shit together (steve's divorce is finalized in april 2000, hopper's funeral is in may of 2000, and they don't start dating until mid december 2001), will is more than okay. he's grown up a lot, is finally good with mike in a real way they haven't been since they were teenagers. he and el he's in a loving, happy relationship. he's happy that eddie, who's been through so much, gets to have his guy. and he's happy that he himself finally gets to be his own person outside of his trauma. that other people are allowed to be happy regardless of how he's doing with his own life. will doesn't have to be defined by his trauma and does not have to be an accessory to others!

thank you so much for this wonderful question, and for reading! <3

[brella-boi]

I can't believe the year has already gone. It went by so fast...

As per our tradition let's do a quick recap!

January: It was immediate work on new merch for a new years february update. This time it was focus on wooden charms.

February: I was ending my job contract that month, and didn't do much other than start listening to Lemon Demon and go a little insane.

March: Start of Merch and end of February I was doing donation commissions for helping Ukraine. Who knew this would be going on so long...

April: A month where I did NOTHING and I was a happy camper about that. Just straight up chillin

May: First time I decided to get out of my shell and start doing something fun with my life. I got my first car that month, and joined a local art group that sells art every saturday at a local park. The nicest people I hung around all summer, and this was the month where I worked on new prints to sell!

June: Preparations for artfight.... ref sheet hell.

July: Artfight

August: This was my holiday month!!! I barely drew because I also had a day job while on holiday. I was a wreck.

September: Back from holiday and out of a job again, I got to work on some new shop stuff in the meantime.

October: This month was a blur. I did some sketches here and there and worked a good bit on cosplay.

November: Everything Is On Fucking Fire. I may have skipped out on inktober and huevember this year, but I I did something so much worse instead. I was working day in day out this month without a moment break. I think I took maybe like 5 days off that entire month. It was neck breaking create new items for tabling at a con, neck breaking finishing kenku cosplay, and neck breaking family visit. Speedrun of everything. Im exhausted just thinking about it.

December: Month of strangling myself to do NOTHING. I travelled to america by myself. It's a tale and a half. I came home yesterday. I'm tired, I'm upset, I'm missing my luggage which has the kenku and other things I needed for christmas, I'm sick and my brain immediately wants to get back to work. Lord help me, two weeks was not enough with my friend to wind down

Here's to hoping that 2023 will be a better year. I've a lot of travel plans already, and I think art wise I just want to relax again. This year I've been breaking my neck over expanding my shop, and while I'll still like to make some new things, I'll be focusing on having fun like going to cons and tabling and meeting my friends. And have some time to relax and play games. I overwork myself way too much when given the time to do so.

Thank you everyone who have stuck around this year and hello to all the new people coming in!! I achieved my goal of drawing more bug themed stuff and will continue to do so! So here's to a whole new year in a week <3

[antagonistchan]

okay so

at this point i can pretty definitively say that 2022 has been the worst year of my life

particularly because every single month has given me some new torment

to recap:

January: some mild depression because i realized that it’s 2022 and i’m extremely not ready for it to be 2022, as i extremely wasted 2021 (and to a lesser extent 2017-2020), and the fact that it was January (the inarguable most boring month of the year) didn’t help. this was the least debilitating thing on this list, but it has continued until now.

February: the depression got harder to deal with and one of my two main friend groups started to collapse (and while i wasn’t exactly at fault for this, i definitely contributed to the problems and i still extremely regret my behavior during all this).

March: the friend group fully collapsed, leaving me only on speaking terms with about half of the people in it (thankfully, this half included all of the people i was extremely close to, but it was still a noticeable loss). this was especially bad for me because i was actually working on multiple projects involving this friend group that suddenly had to be at least paused if not outright cancelled, which left me kinda unsure of what to do with myself.

April: i started dealing with a random mental health crisis midway through the month that continued for the rest of the month and left me basically completely useless to anyone... and then right in the middle of that crisis, my other main friend group collapsed basically behind my back (as the drama went down in places i was not a part of). at the time i had no idea just how bad it actually was.

May: i learned just how bad it actually was. then i spent basically the entire month scrambling to actually piece together enough information to know where the fuck i stood on all this, and scrambling to make sure that everyone else involved knew where i was at.

June: i finally got some closure on how this second friend group collapse turned out, which is good for me in the long term but good lord is it painful in the short term. as a bonus, my mom tested positive for covid, one of my cats probably won’t be with us much longer, and my girlfriend nearly died. none of these things is the worst really (the closure will, again, be good for me in the long-term; my mom’ll probably be okay; i’m honestly extremely surprised that this cat has been alive as long as she has been, i’ve been kinda expecting her to go any day now for years; and my girlfriend did not end up dying), but combined, they certainly have not made my June easy so far.

BUT....... i think the worst is behind me. the only real horror still on the horizon is the cat dying, and i’ve honestly been prepared to say goodbye to her for years (especially when i’ve honestly barely known her; we’ve been living in the same house for many years, but she exclusively lives in a part of the house i rarely visit because she’s so old and cranky that she doesn’t really want to leave her little nest).

the depression? that’s been a problem all year, but it’s only debilitating when it’s combined with the other things. on its own, i’ve actually been really impressed with how well i’ve been fighting it. whenever i’m not too burdened by the current events in my life, i’ve done a pretty damn good job refusing to let the depression win, and right now, i feel pretty good about where i’m going.

for various reasons i won’t get into, i’m reasonably confident all my drama so far won’t continue to haunt me too much going forward.

and everything else was all short-term stuff like “it’s january” and “covid continues to be a threat” and “i had a random mental health crisis”.