#I tried to get a clean video but that shit was way easier like 20 years ago

[thresholdbb]

Neelix is an absolute madman for leaving so many empty carafes out

[ikroah]

Don't you know that she's had a bad, bad fall? And if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. —“If You Can’t Say Anything Nice,” Roy Orbison (1965)

It Keeps Right On a-Hurtin’ #20 - Freeside IV

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Read IKROAH on Archive of Our Own

Notes / Original Pencils / Transcript:

Notes:

Whewwwwww this one was a project. I’ve always wanted to experiment with doing a multiple-page spread like this, and I’m glad that I finally found an excuse! It basically doubled the amount of coloring work that I had to do, but as you can see the result was well worth the trouble.

That being said, IKROAH will be going on a sort of semi-informal hiatus (which just means it might be a while until the next comic) because I have some other non-fandom comics I want to work on before the end of the year and also I have been working so hard for so long oh my god I just want to hide in a hole and play video games right now. So I will.

Anyway! See you next ish! I’m gonna go beat Metroid Dread.

Original Pencils

Since I work traditionally, it actually took a lot of effort and precision to make sure the background spread lined up correctly on each page. And it still wasn’t enough because I had to correct the alignment a bit on each page anyway during digitization! You can also see my abundance of notes-to-self about little fixes to make during the coloring process, as well as some...uh...”cut dialogue.”

The unique grittiness of the flashback panel in which Agnes confronted Dixon was achieved by leaving it uninked. By scanning it as raw pencil instead of clean black and white, I got a much rougher-looking smattering of black on it during digitization.

You can see how large I drew the flyers on the original pencils at first; I shrunk them down digitally. It was easier to draw them bigger and I knew that I could just reposition them later.

Something that proved surprisingly difficult during the art process was thinking of things to draw in front of the Fort’s walls. On the original pencils here, you can see that I drew somebody tripping over a rock on Page 5 because I thought that it’d be funny, but I replaced him with birds during the inking process because on second thought it just seemed too distracting.

Transcript

JULIE: I can’t believe you...you killed Dixon?

INT. THE OLD MORMON FORT in FREESIDE, the Vegas-area headquarters of the FOLLOWERS OF THE APOCALYPSE. The director JULIE FARKAS is engaged in a shouting match with AGNES SANDS, while AGNES’ companion ROSE OF SHARON CASSIDY stands by beside her and JULIE’s associate ARCADE GANNON frets behind her.

AGNES: He attacked me! What was I supposed to do?

JULIE: I don’t know, not leave yet another murder victim out on the streets of Freeside, maybe?

ARCADE: Julie, please...

JULIE pinches the bridge of her nose, stressed.

JULIE: I thought you'd convince him somehow, not...this!

AGNES: We tried. He said we'd have to pay him off, but we didn't have the caps—

JULIE: You could have come back! And asked for the caps!

CASS: So what, then, the followers just open their wallets for any asshole selling on their block? Shit, Agnes, maybe we should start pushing and get our money that way.

ARCADE leans in to speak to JULIE.

ARCADE: Julie, I hate to say it, but she's got a point. Even if we did give Dixon the caps, it would have set a bad precedent...frankly, we can't afford to be extorted.

JULIE: And this justifies murder, Arcade?

JULIE turns her attention back to AGNES and CASS.

JULIE: Somehow I doubt Dixon just attacked you two for no reason.

AGNES: I told you. He asked for a bribe...that we buy him out, basically. And we, uh...we couldn't pay, and so...and so I improvised...and I threatened him—

JULIE cuts AGNES off, pointing at her furiously.

JULIE: —and so you started it!

AGNES: I...no, look, he pulled a knife—

JULIE: No. Stop. I don’t care. It's already taking all of our effort to keep tensions between Freesiders and NCR squatters from boiling over into all-out riots, and everyone's only been even more on edge since somebody took out the Silver Rush*. People are scared, and killing a dealer like Dixon no matter how scummy is only going to make things worse, not better. We've been struggling with our patients' withdrawal symptoms enough as-is.

(NOTE: Julie would know who if she'd read IKROAH #17—Lou.)

JULIE crosses her arms, immense disappointment and frustration on her face.

JULIE: And furthermore? I don't need your perspective on violence in Freeside. I live here. I know Dixon's type, and the Followers of the Apocalypse have worked with plenty of people just like him without ever resorting to threats and violence. Do you fucking get it yet?

AGNES seethes behind her sunglasses.

JULIE: Do you understand what you've done?

AGNES’ teeth clench tight.

JULIE: You're a murderer.

AGNES: I—

CASS (interjecting): Yeah, yeah. Nice lecture. But we did what you asked. That asshole won't be dealing where he's going, guaranteed. You're not happy at all?

JULIE looks at them hard.

JULIE: No. I’m not. I’m not happy that I seem to have put my faith in a pair of hitwomen. You and the Followers have no further business.

CASS: What about the caps for our trouble? Nothing?

JULIE (turning to leave): The caps you were promised will go toward Dixon's burial expenses. Arcade, please escort these two out of The Fort.

Exeunt JULIE as she enters one of the Followers’ medical tents.

ARCADE: I'm sorry about Julie. I mean, I agree with her, but...well, I don't actually know why I'm apologizing, then. Murder is bad, as it turns out.

AGNES: ...it’s fine.

ARCADE: And she really doesn't mean to be so harsh...things have just been really, uh, tense around here lately.

ARCADE smiles sincerely.

ARCADE: Listen, if you're ever in need of help, you can come back anytime. Really. Just talk to me instead of her. All I'll lecture you about are, uh, medicinal herbs. Haha.

CASS (turning to leave): Thanks, four-eyes. We'll keep that in mind. Come on, Agnes.

AGNES hesitates to follow CASS, remaining still. ARCADE turns to rejoin JULIE, but looks back at AGNES with a worried expression.

AGNES: Yeah...thanks.

EXT. THE OLD MORMON FORT, the STREETS OF FREESIDE.

AGNES: I’ll keep that in mind.

AGNES and CASS exit The Fort.

[hnderyx]

Hihi! Can I ask for a reaction of them wanting your attention and cuddles but you’re too concentrated doing something else?

Btw your reactions are so cuuuute!!

WayV's reaction to you being too concentrated on something else and they want your attention~

Heh, thank you for your ask!

And thank you for the compliment! Those type of comments always get me all giddy 💕

Kun:

I feel like when this guy wants attention, it's a bit more subtle

So when you're sitting at your desk writing an essay

He picks up on your stressed out vibes

He thinks that maybe if he takes your attention off of your essay for a little bit, you'll be able to come back and have an easier time finishing it

Clear your head a little bit

He also feels kind of neglected and wants some attention

But he'd never admit to that

Because he's 'so mature'

So he comes up behind you and gives you a back hug type thing as he rests his chin upon your head

"y/n, don't you think you should take a break for a little? You've been working on this for the last six hours.. straight"

"No, Kun. I need to get this done. It's due by next week and I'd rather not have to worry about it"

Next week?

Bro, what?

You've got like.. what, 100 hours plus to finish it?

And you're all bent out of shape right now?

"You could take a little break and maybe go for a walk with me or something.. your little mind has been full of essay thoughts for too long"

"No"

Alright, plan B

He goes and grabs your jacket and shoes

He drops the shoes by your chair and holds your jacket out for you to take

"We're going on a walk, y/n. You need a break. No saying no"

You're a bit annoyed at this, but you comply

He’s succeeded at getting your attention without exposing the fact that he is indeed an attention leech

Ten:

I feel like we all know what Ten’s like when it comes to wanting attention

“Baby Yangyang come here” *aggressive bed patting*

So when he sees you sitting in your library, reading some new fantastic book you’ve purchased

His heart immediately turns into goo

You sitting there, looking so focused

Your little expression

It makes him just want to cuddle you to the nth degree

So he does just that

Or, tries to

Sitting on the couch next to you, he wraps his arms around your torso and rests his head on your shoulder

You’re pretty much alright with this until he starts to try and distract you by blowing into the nape of your neck

To get your attention, of course

“Ten, stop. The story’s starting to get to the climax. Don’t distract me, it’s interesting”

“I could get you to your climax too, y/n. It’d be far more interesting”

You slap him away with a glare

“You’re fucking greasy. I just want to read”

You direct your attention back to the novel

He sits there with a slight pout before moving to rest his head on your lap

“Don’t you think your idol boyfriend is more interesting than a stupid book, y/n?”

“Look, you can lay there all you want, just don’t talk to me. I’m trying to focus”

He snakes his arms around your waist and pulls his face into your stomach

You drop one of your hands that was supporting the book to play with a couple strands of his hair

After about 20 minutes you start to hear soft snores from your boyfriend

At least he got his cuddles, and you got to focus on your new novel

Winwin:

I think the majority of us know that this lad isn’t too thrilled about skinship

So when he’s wanting it

You better swan dive right into that shit, y/n

If you’re not, I’ll come to have a serious conversation with you. I’m not too great at language skills and I have a terrible stutter but I’ll come for you istg

When he sees you in the kitchen

Making some cute cookies in the shape of flowers

Guy just wants to snuggle

Looking at you with flour all over your face, maybe a little in your hair

In your cute little apron

It makes him so soft

So he comes behind you and wraps his arms around your waist, toying with the little bow you’ve tied on the front of your apron

“Whatcha doing, y/n?” 

“Makin’ cookies” you mumble, pressing the cookie cutter into the dough

“You wanna come cuddle? I’ll clean you up and get all that flour off your face”

“I can’t right now, maybe after I put the cookies in the oven. I wanna have some of these as soon as possible. It’s a new recipe, Sicheng”

You start laying the cookies out on the pan, the parchment paper crinkling every once in a while from the weight of the dough

He observes every movement your hands make

Patiently waiting for you to finish the task at hand

“So when are you gonna.. you know.. put them in the oven?”

You look over at him as you’re delicately brushing egg whites over the cookies

He’s real desperate for cuddles and here you are, making cookies

y/n, what’s wrong with you? Give the guy some loving

“After the oven beeps. It has to be 175 degrees for these to bake properly. Be patient”

A few moments later, the oven beeps and you FINALLY put the cookies in

Poor guy is nearly jumping from excitement when you finally remove your apron and move to give him a hug

It was now time for Sicheng and he honestly couldn’t wait to receive your attention instead of watching you fuck around with dough and ignore him

Lucas:

Lucas probably could get your attention and cuddles whenever he wants

So when he sees you dusting the house

In your cute little Saturday morning outfit

Shorts that are WAY too short to be allowed in public, and an old tee you’ve had for centuries

He can’t help but want to cuddle his little cutie

But he knows you can be a little bit feisty when you set your mind to something and he tries to distract you from it

Does he care if you get a little upset if he takes your attention for like.. an hour? 

No bro, he doesn’t

When it’s Xuxi time, it’s Xuxi time

Besides, when you’re angry, you’re basically just like a little angry hamster

He walks up behind you and suddenly lifts you 

And at this point you’re like “wtf is happening?”

Until you realize that the gentle giant (if you’re taller than him, then he’s the midget) of the house is carrying you towards the couch

“Yukhei, I was dusting. Put me down. I need to finish this before I can relax”

“You can finish it later,” he plops down on the couch with you on his lap “right now, you can relax with me”

You basically claw to get out of his grasp to finish your task

But his iron strong grip is keeping you sat upon his lap

Eventually you give up

What’s the use of fighting it

He could probably bench press 40 of you

So 1 of you wanting to get back to dusting is probably like holding a squirming kitten in your arms

You toss the dusting rag in your hands onto the coffee table

And then snuggle into his hold

Yukhei has won

But then again, how could he not?

Xiaojun:

You decided recently to take up a new hobby

And that hobby was dancing

So you decided to try and cover one of your boyfriend’s songs

And wow, to DJ

Coming home from practice and laying his eyes on you attempting to dance to Turn Back Time was the cutest shit-

There you were, in your pyjamas

In the middle of the living room with everything pushed out of your way

Trying your best to follow along with his movements on your laptop screen

“y/n, you do realize you could’ve just asked me to teach you?”

You pause and turn to face him

You didn’t hear him come through the door and now 1.) you were deeply embarrassed and 2.) you ruined your surprise for him

“I wanted to surprise you with it, Dejun..” 

God, when I tell you this guy’s heart grew like the Grinch’s after all the Whos showed him the warmth of Christmas (idk if that’s even right I haven’t seen the movie in years-)

He rushed over to you and pulled you into a tight hug

“Let’s go rest. I’m tired after practice and I’d just love some hugs from you”

“DJ, I really want to learn this for you.. You can go rest and I’ll come join you later”

“I can teach you later. Having me teach you would be significantly better than trying to learn from a dance practice video..”

But his attempts to convince you to come cuddle you were futile, as you ‘just wanted to do it by yourself’

Eventually he just resorted to picking you up and throwing you over his shoulder to carry you to your shared bedroom

You tried to protest, but your protests were just as futile as his cuddle requests

He did take the responsibility to teach you the choreography after your little afternoon nap, even if you tried to refuse

Hendery:

Your anniversary was coming up and you thought you’d do some arts and crafts to make a handmade card for Kunhang

You were successful in your endeavour until he found his way into your craft room

Kind of like a sneaky snake

You didn’t realize he was there until he whispered a “whatcha doing?” into your ear

This basically caused you to jump the height of the empire state building

You tried your best to hide the card you were working on, hoping that he didn’t see too much of it

“I was making something for you- for our anniversary”

A grin found itself onto his face

“That’s so cute, y/n” he pulls you into a suffocating but loving hug, “but how about for right now, you come cuddle?”

“I’m busy..” your voice was muffled by his hoodie “I don’t want the decorations to dry wrong, Mr. Wong” (yes y/n, bust out those rhymes)

“Oh come on, I’ll love it no matter what the decorations look like”

The next few minutes were just filled of Hendery’s attempts to get you to be the big spoon because he ‘wanted to know what it felt like’

You finally gave in

Because not gonna lie, cuddles with Hendery are SSS tier

Not before trying to hide the card under a stack of books

You didn’t want him to lay his eyes on it again until your anniversary

Yangyang:

I feel like

With you, Yang² would be clingy 24/7

He just hits me as a lad that would love to show his love for you in any way possible

And because of this, there’s a lot of begging for cuddles

When he comes home to see you curled up in bed with a cold facecloth draped over your forehead

He’s immediately worried

“What’s going on? What’s wrong?”

You explain to him that you think you might have a little flu, but that’s all

And that maybe you being in a close proximity with him wouldn’t be great for him 

Still, he attempts to climb in bed with you to hold you close

“Yangyang, I don’t want you to get sick. I don’t want to take care of you when you’re bowing to the porcelain gods”

“Oh come on, y/n. I need cuddles because it hurts me to see you like this... and you should cuddle me because cuddles are the best cure-”

You roll your eyes and sit up from the bed slowly before making your way to the living room, to at least prevent the guy from catching whatever you had

And as you’re heading down the hallway you get the “y/n, y/n, wait”

He grabs your hand and pulls you back towards the bedroom

You’re too weak to protest against this 

You used up your energy and brainpower by trying to force Yangyang to leave you alone

It didn’t work, of course

So you gave in

Maybe you did need cuddles from him

You two spent the rest of the day spooning in bed and snoozing

Taking a break when you needed to bow down to the toilet, of course

He was right though, the cuddles did make you feel a bit better

[the--social--anarchist]

Study Tips for Chronically Ill Students

Most bloggers aren’t writing for the chronically ill audience. Typical tips, tricks and hacks on productivity, motivation and studying just don’t work for us. As a chronically ill student who’s in her last year of undergrad (yay!) I decided to share what I have learned over the (many) years. 

1. Get comfortable. Seriously. Don’t force yourself to sit at your desk, or go out to a coffee shop to study. Most people will tell you not to lay in bed while you read your books but if you are anything like me, getting ready and driving to the library or Starbucks just takes too much energy. I recommend making yourself a nice set up with everything you need. If you can tolerate sitting at a desk don’t skimp out. Buy yourself a decent, ergonomic office or gaming chair. Make sure you have a drink, a snack, your medication, charges, books, and anything else you need within arms reach. The less you have to get up the more energy you are saving. 

2. Take frequent breaks. Okay, this may sound contradictory to tip #1 but hear me out. Everyone person is different, every body is different, and every day is different. Some days your symptoms are just so bad you need to get comfortable and try not to move. But other days you might be fighting brain fog and mental exhaustion. So get up, or even just stop and sit for a minute to rest your mind. Some days I will stop every few sections and get up to do something small like apply a face mask, go back to studying, and then get up in 15 minutes to wash it off etc. Just find what works for you.

3. Write shit down. Write everything down. And write it in multiple places. Again, brain fog is such a bitch, but writing things down multiple times in multiple places will help you remember. I have a paper calendar that I write all my assignment due dates, doctors appointments, and other important things onto, but I also have an assignment check list with all of my upcoming assignments in my notebook. Also, I keep a huge running list titled Never Ending List of Shit To Do with boring chores and tasks that need to be done like doctors to call, bills to pay, letters to mail etc; and I use that list to pick and choose what I’m going to do each day and fill that out on a sticky note or another small insert that serves as my daily to do list.

4. Establish a routine. But don’t be discouraged if you can’t follow it to a T and don’t be afraid to change it up. My routine changes a lot because my symptoms and body are constantly changing too. Also, it’s important to note that a routine is not the same as a schedule. This is important for those of us with chronic illness because its just not feasible to assume we will be able to get up at the same time every day, eat lunch at the same time every day, and study for the same amount of time every day.  

5. Stay (way) ahead of schedule. You never know what life is going to throw at you, especially when you are chronically ill. Unfortunately, we can’t plan our flares, but we can prepare for them. If you know you suffer from migraines that will knock you out of commission for 3 days then make sure you are always 3 days ahead of schedule. Something I highly recommend is doing a little bit every day, even if its only 20 minutes of reading. Of course, sometimes we need a break and that’s okay too! Self care is important!

6. Online classes are the best. So many people say online classes are hard because you have to be super disciplined, and that it’s easier to have the accountability to show up to class, but I highly disagree. Online classes give you the freedom to read when you want, listen to lectures when you want, sleep when you need to, and stay comfortable in bed when it would be impossible to get to class. I work solely online and if it weren’t for the option of online classes I would not be in college right now or anytime in the near future.

7. Audio is your friend. Honestly, this is a tip for everyone in high school or college out there. Sometimes we are too tired or in too much pain to stare at a book or screen, or sometimes we need to utilize our energy wisely and multitask by listening while we clean the house. And this isn’t limited to audio text books. There are so many YouTube videos, podcasts, documentaries and more that you can easily just pop on while you are resting or doing chores! I listen to my lectures while I do my nails every week.

8. Don’t rewrite your notes. Don’t write them at all if you can avoid it. Almost all of my professors supply chapter outlines or summaries that I can just print off and fill in extra notes on. If you do need to write your notes I suggest typing them, or only writing them out once, and only what is most important. Whatever you do, don’t rewrite them, and for the love of god do not waste your time trying to make them look like an Instagram photo. Ain’t nobody got spoons for that.

9. Try to balance your course load appropriately. If you are taking a full course load try to even out the number of upper division classes you take with some easy classes, as well as some boring and some interesting. Alternatively, don’t be afraid to drop classes and go down to part time, even if just for one semester. I have tried to stay full time all year round since I re-enrolled in school fall semester of 2017, but spring of 2019 my health took a drastic decline and I did drop down from 5 classes to 3. I also took summer of 2019 off to focus on my health and came back this semester (fall 2019) ready to rock and roll. Seriously, do not be afraid to drop classes. It felt like the end of the world when I did it, but it was absolutely the right choice for me. It saved my GPA and my sanity.

10. Talk to your professor. And your university, and your classmates, and your adviser, and anyone else around you who can offer resources and support. Every university and college  has a Disability Services Coordinator Student Center available to request accommodations. The information to contact the center should be listed on your syllabus and the school website. They can help with everything and anything disability related. And if you feel comfortable you should really talk to your professor. Just give them a heads up and inform them of what’s going on. As for your classmates, its always good to connect and find a study buddy or someone you can borrow notes from whether you have a disability or not! 

I really hope this list can help some fellow chronically ill students out there. This is what I have learned in my 5+ years of attending college with various chronic and mental illnesses. I truly live by everything I talked about in this post and I have been fairly successful in my academic career. Please re-blog this post to help a fellow student who may have a chronic illness or disability! Happy studying!

[aforrestofstuff]

So, my lil sister is currently playing The Sims Castaway in her laptop beside me, it makes me think: What will the heroes do if they're somehow get stranded together in an unhabited island? What chaotic things they will do with other fellow heroes in there while waiting for a rescue?

Okay, I’ve basically just written a dumbass little deserted island au for you. Thanks for the request, anon! 💓💓💓

If ALL of the main heroes were to get stranded on a deserted island all together, then I’d imagine it’d have something to do with the Association fucking up big time. Maybe they were all being transported to a threat overseas and got sent off-course? So, that means their only chance of rescue would have to be from the Association themselves (and we all know how much they lag to deal with shit). Needless to say, the heroes are gonna have to get comfortable with one another and work together to pick up a thing or two on survivalism while they wait for rescue. That’s gonna be hard.

Child Emperor will have the bright idea to separate everyone into smaller groups based on their area of expertise. Nobody argues with this because it’s pretty much common sense, but the stakes are high in seeing who gets paired with who. There’s not a whole lot of bad blood between the heroes, but lord knows they’ve got a few ego problems...

These groups are gonna be Hunters/Gatherers, Homemakers, Walmart Runners, People Who Don’t Really Do Anything, the Super Duper Strike Force, and Oh, Shit it’s the Cops.

In addition to the main congregation of heroes and their groups, there’s also gonna be one more group of people that stray from the majority. These people are gonna be called Stragglers. Stragglers consist of those that:

A. Have been excluded from the main group due to being a headass.

B. Went off on their own because they’re convinced they can survive without anyone’s help.

C. Got lost.

Now, with that being said: let’s get crackin’ boys.

Disclaimer: this shit is crack as fuuuuuck

The majority of the heroes:

Group 1: Hunters/Gatherers

This group is responsible for leaving camp constantly to go hunt/forage for food.

Flashy Flash: I’ve said this before in a previous hc, but he has a pretty decent knowledge on how to find food in the wild due to him always being sent to the middle of nowhere on assassination missions. I also hc him as pescatarian, so that means that he’d be pretty good at fishing. Even though his main protein is from fish, he also has a basic understanding on how to hunt for other animals as well. He just won’t eat them cause they’re yucky.

Zombieman: He’s not super adept at anything to do with survivalism, but he’s a quick learner. It won’t take him long to figure out how to apply his detective skills when tracking animals in the wild (I.E., looking for tracks, clues, and picking up on an animal’s sense of direction). He’s also can’t die, so he’d be the guy to try out some funky-looking mushrooms/berries/herbs to see if they’re poisonous or not, making foraging a lot easier for everyone.

Mumen Rider: The group’s resident forager. He knows which plants are poisonous and which aren’t like the back of his hand due to the many years he spent in the Boy Scouts as a young lad. He also knows a lot of basic survival necessities, like how to start a fire, how to make rope from palm leaves, basic first aid, and finding clean water. He’d essentially be a walking guide on locating basic sources for water, firewood, and fish for the Walmart Runners to find back at camp.

Group 2: Homemakers

This group is responsible for building and maintaining camp. They also do basic inventory on everyone’s resources.

Child Emperor: He’s in charge of designing and construction. He’d know the best way to build a shelter so everyone’s little huts last long enough—even while under duress from crazy island weather and basic wear and tear—for the Hero Association to come to the rescue. He’d be responsible for giving the Walmart Runners the list of what he and the rest of the Homemakers need to make camp the best it can be. He’s basically in charge of everyone. Even if they don’t like it.

Genos: Genos is in charge of cooking food every night for dinner. He would be on the Super Duper Strike Force, but he’s the only one that has an endless supply of fire, so he’s in charge of keeping every light source lit and igniting the bonfire each night in time for dinner. He’s also a walking Swiss Army knife, so he’d also be the one to do any basic repairs on the camp huts in the event that one of them gets a little hole or some shit. He gives Saitama an extra serving of food each night, which has caused some internal conflict.

Puri-Puri Prisoner: As a prison inmate, he’s the expert on making somewhere comfortable on limited resources. He’d be everyone’s guide on how to make tasty food with no seasoning nor cooking equipment, in addition to teaching everyone how to stay warm without real blankets. He’d give everyone fun ways to stay busy (like making little straw dolls or playing catch with coconuts) because it gets hella boring in prison and he’s developed an innate talent for finding ways to pass the time.

Group 3: Walmart Runners

This group is responsible for leaving camp to go find resources unrelated to food, like firewood, clean water, leaves, rocks, and other things the Homemakers might need to make camp better.

Saitama: Child Emperor didn’t really know what group to put Saitama in, but Genos vouched for him and said Saitama was a fast runner. So, he got paired with Superalloy on the Walmart Runners team. He and Superalloy don’t really have any wilderness survival skills, so they rely on people like Mumen Rider and Child Emperor to point them in the right direction and give them specific instructions on what to bring back to camp. Because Saitama is so fast and strong, he’ll leave camp and be back in 30 seconds, holding twice the amount needed of whatever Mumen Rider told him to find. He often over-stocks camp on purpose so he can take long breaks in between supply runs.

Superalloy Darkshine: He got paired with Saitama because Child Emperor thought Genos was joking when the cyborg said Saitama was basically God, so he was put on the Walmart Runners to help even everything out. He’s super cooperative with Child Emperor and Mumen Rider, often bringing back way too much supplies, just like Saitama. This is due to the fact that he’s so fucking strong and huge, he can carry enough firewood to supply a small army for weeks. He also helps the Homemakers with maintaining camp in between supply runs, typically carrying all of the heavy stuff and doing all of the hard labor that comes with construction.

Group 4: People Who Don’t Really Do Anything (but also don’t make things worse)

This group consists of people who don’t contribute shit to the survival effort, but also don’t exactly make things worse. They’re just chillin.

King: King doesn’t have harbor any knowledge that can be applied while trapped on a deserted island with like, 20 homicidal maniacs. He spends all of his time huddled in his hut having a perpetual panic attack. Nobody comes in to check up on him or tell him to get off his ass because they’re all pretty intimated and believe that he’s done enough work as a hero to warrant him having a little break. Everyone thinks he’s having the time of his life while on a little vacation, when he’s actually dying inside and wishing this whole thing was over. He’s tries to call his mom a million times but his phone doesn’t receive service. He’s suffering.

Pig God: He also doesn’t have any skills or knowledge that can be applied to surviving on a desert island, so he’s just vibin. He, like King, is a gamo to the extremo and spends most of his time playing video games/watching anime, so it’s only natural that he’d be out of his element on a desert island. Unlike King, however, some people give him shit for it. This is due in part because he eats like 19 rations every meal and doesn’t really do anything to pull his weight around camp. He’s actually gained weight since they’ve been deserted. Everyone has cast a secret vote that in the event they run out of food, Pig God is the first to be eaten.

Group 5: The Super Duper Strike Force

This group is responsible for guarding camp all hours of the day. They sleep in shifts, and are constantly watching the jungle/beach for any monster activity.

Metal Bat: didn’t want to be a part of this group because that meant that he wouldn’t get his full 8 hours of beauty rest every night, so he only agreed to join on the condition that Child Emperor let him pick the name. So, lo and behold, he’s on the Super Duper Strike Force. Badd is in charge of watching the north end of camp, and is often seen climbing palm trees to get a vantage point on the great expanse of wilderness to see if there is any monster activity nearby. While he’s on top of trees, he’ll also try tirelessly to attain cell service so he can get in contact with Zenko. He fails almost each time, but boy is he persistent. He also gets bored a lot while on watch, so he just bats rocks around while using a picture of Amai that he stapled to a palm tree as a target.

Watchdog Man: He’s always on watch in City Q anyway, so this is pretty much just business as usual. He made a little mound of sand for himself (which is really hard to do with paws, okay?) to server as a makeshift pedestal like the one he has back home. People kind of forget he exists like 3 days into this whole fiasco because he doesn’t really do anything outside of just... sitting there.

Group 6: Oh Shit, it’s the Cops

This group is responsible for making sure nobody kills each other. They’re usually people who have background experience managing groups of people (this group was also named by Metal Bat because Silverfang caught him trying to vandalize Flashy Flash’s hut, to which Badd promptly yelled out “Oh shit, it’s the cops!”)

Fubuki: Even though the Fubuki Group rarely has disagreements, she still knows how to put a fucker in their place. Nobody cares that she’s B-Class, she’s feared all the same. If someone fucks up around camp, she’ll mom the hell out of them until they straighten themselves out. On top of that, she also helps Puri make camp comfortable for everyone, and assisted Child Emperor when he was assigning roles and groups.

Silverfang: He’s a master at keeping track of murderous hobos. He raised Garou, didn’t he? He can do anything. If someone fucks up, all he needs to do if give them a side-eye and that’ll be enough for them to get back in line. He suggested that everyone maintain a strict routine to ensure that nobody goes crazy while being trapped together in a deserted hell. And so far, it’s worked out just fine. So far.

Tanktop Master: The Tanktop gang, like the Fubuki Group, rarely sees disagreements. He isn’t one to hand out punishment, discipline, or reprimands, so if he sees someone fuck up, he’ll kindly pull them aside and ask them what’s up. He’ll work with everyone to ensure that all of the heroes are friendly to each other, since that’s pretty much the best anyone can do (given the situation). He’ll also help out Silverfang with his “maintaining a routine” idea, making a personalized workout routine for everyone.

Stragglers:

Tatsumaki: Tats went out on her own the minute everyone got deserted because she was already tired of their shit to begin with. She’s been doing fine, albeit being hella pissy. She’s already magic’d herself a shelter, found that she can start fires by forcing two rocks to rub against each other really fast, and that she can also kill animals in seconds just by looking at them the wrong way. Her main gripe is being away from clean sheets and soap operas, but she’s a trooper. She’ll survive.

Amai Mask: Amai Mask got voted out of the majority because he’s a dipshit and they were all gonna jump him if he didn’t haul ass across the island, far, far, away from the main camp. He’s been suffering. He can hunt fine, but he’s got zero survival skills and is currently sleeping under a cold rock. Child Emperor gave him some bright red rope to tie around his camp so the Hero Association could easily spot him from a distance when they arrive for rescue, but the rope was eaten by a bear. He’s gonna die if he doesn’t get off that island pronto.

Metal Knight: Metal Knight willingly separated himself from the group because he’s convinced that he can survive without the help of anyone else, (even though he was just gonna get voted out anyway because everyone hates that fucker) and has since then been building an army of robot coconuts. He can engineer himself a shelter just fine, and he’s figured out how to sic his little robots on nearby wildlife so he can eat. I hate to say it, but he’s actually doing well.

Drive Knight: Drive Knight also purposefully separated himself from the majority because he saw Metal Knight do it and is currently on a quest to hunt down Bofoi and merk that fucker’s ass in the jungle with God as his witness, cold-blooded. He doesn’t need wilderness survival skills because he runs on batteries and solar panels. He does, however, need a fucking GPS because he’s been lost for three days with no robot coconut army in sight. If he doesn’t find Bofoi or the main group before the Hero Association arrives for rescue, then he’ll most definitely get left behind, and that is a risk he is willing to take. Dumbass.

Atomic Samurai and his 3 hooligans: Atomic Samurai, Iaian, and Okamaitachi got separated from the group because they somehow ended up on a completely different part of the island upon being deserted. The two disciples listened to Kami (bad idea) while he was trying to find a sense of direction, and they ended up straying even farther away from the group than they were when they started. Bushidrill also ended up on a completely different part of the island, separated from both the group and Atomic Samurai’s gang, but they found each other around 2 days into this whole fiasco by pure chance. Bushidrill was found sitting in a tree 20ft off the ground, wearing a coconut bikini, and stress-drinking a bottle of saké he had smuggled in his robe before everything went to shit. All in all, when the disciples and Kami put their heads together, they make a pretty good team. Iaian hunts, Kama makes camp, Bushi sits on his ass, and Kami sits with Bushi. They’re not going to be left behind as easily as Drive Knight, though. If they’re not found before the Hero Association comes to the rescue, then you bet your ass those corporate cronies are gonna spend a pretty penny on search parties.

So, now that we have everyone’s roles and groups down, I’m gonna make up some island shenanigans because this shit is just TOO GOOD to be left alone like this.

The shenanigans:

The quest for food:

Zombieman, while hunting with Flashy Flash and Mumen Rider: hey, stop moving. I think I see a deer over there.

Mumen Rider, looking through a set of binoculars: awww, it has a baby!

Flash: where did you get those binoculars?

Mumen: oh, they were in my wilderness survival kit!

Zombieman: what

Mumen, looking through his bag: yeah, I have a compass, a canteen, a bird-watching manual, some fire-starters, some dynamite next to the fire-starters— oh no.

The quest for food Part 2:

Flashy Flash: I found this strange mushroom, but I don’t know if it’s poisonous.

Mumen: hmm, let me look it up in my manual—

Zombieman: *swipes the mushroom and gobbles it up*

Mumen:

Flash:

Zombieman: it’s poisonous

The quest for dinner:

Child Emperor, speaking to everyone at camp: okay, guys. We’re gonna start having nightly bonfires that will hopefully aid us in making passing ships aware of our location. It’s also how we’re gonna cook our food—

Pig God: *raises hand*

Child Emperor: no, we don’t have any marshmallows.

Pig God: *slowly lowers hand*

The quest for peace:

Badd: fuck the police! *sprints away*

Tanktop Master: what did he do?

Silverfang: I caught him carving “flash sux” into the sand and he tried to hit me with a coconut after I told him to stop.

The quest for Bushidrill:

Iaian: Sensei, it’s been two days. Maybe he’s with the others—

Kami: no, I know Bushidrill. If WE’RE lost, then he’s SUPER lost.

Okamaitachi: there! In that tree!

Bushidrill, face-planted on a tree branch 20ft off the ground: God, is that you?

Kami: I knew it.

Kami: Iaian, cut him down.

Iaian: is that really the best idea—

Kami: just do it.

Iaian: *cuts down Bushidrill*

Bushidrill: *immediately gets knocked unconscious the minute he hits the ground*

Kami: good.

[sinceileftyoublog]

Helvetia Interview: Back to Normal

BY JORDAN MAINZER

On the surface, This Devastating Map sounds like other albums from Jason Albertini’s Helvetia, a mix of short-form and mid-range tracks, its slinky, meandering, spindly pop weirdness mixing nicely with his muted vocals. It also presents like a victory lap for a busy half-decade for Albertini, who had a short run in Built to Spill and saw beloved slowcore band Duster (he is one of 3 members) reunite for shows, a box set, and a new record. But dig a little deeper into the lyrics and titles, and you start to feel the record’s true context. This Devastating Map--a reference to Albertini’s battles with drug addiction and current sobriety, plus quite literally the scars on his body--is a record about finding the clarity in himself once again, getting clean of drugs and mitigating the mental struggles that made him turn there in the first place. And the recording of it, with Steve Gere (also a member of Built to Spill during Albertini’s tenure) and Samantha Stidham, was a therapeutically social process, in contrast to what Albertini normally undertakes in silo for Helvetia records.

Speaking to me from his home in Portland, Albertini opened up about his story of addiction, one which he wasn’t sure he wanted to talk about. He eventually decided to on account of the fact that, according to him, it’s, like it or not, a part of who he was, or is. But he doesn’t take for granted the fact that This Devastating Map came out, nor that he’s been ceaselessly working on new music during the pandemic. Over the last few years, struggling with addiction, he was busy, but not creative. Now, as he says, making music is all he wants to do. “Who knows how many years I’ll feel that this is okay, just hanging out and playing?” he said. Plus, he thinks the next record to come out is the best one he’s ever done. He’s proud of himself again.

Read our conversation below, edited for length and clarity.

Since I Left You: To start: The record was inspired by you getting clean.

Jason Albertini: I dealt with a substance abuse problem. It mainly comes from my foray into trying to clean up my depression. In my late 20′s, I started experimenting with drugs to relieve this part of my personality I couldn’t really explain. It was fairly innocent for a while, but then I did slip off and became a heroin addict for a while. I haven’t really talked about it and wasn’t sure I was really gonna talk about it. 

In the last year, I got out of rehab. I went to one rehab for a couple months. It’s weird the way it slipped in: The first time around, it was just a few months that took me down really quick. Then I got off and started playing music again--when I’m loaded, I can’t create anything. I had a relapse, and that one was pretty bad. 

It’s kind of hard to explain. It was a real fight. When I was getting off the maintenance drugs, I started recording a lot in my freedom. I stopped taking anything, [still] getting help with ADD. [But] there were all these things that for me bloomed into a serious drug addiction. Adderall, anxiety medication, it all stopped working after a while, and I got really unlucky. Over a year now I’ve got out of rehab, I’ve been doing really well. It was really hard getting off all that maintenance stuff, and it was hard for my mind to start working properly again--not music-wise. The music came right back. But me relating to other people and me dealing with what’s still my insecurities and the bad habits I had to break that aren’t just drug-related. Years of isolating. 

That works for music. When I fell off, it wasn’t for a long time, but the reverberation from that I still deal with, even though I am as sober as can be at this point. I don’t do AA, because I’ll drink wine every once in a while. I survived. The music was all dealing with trying to make sense of what happened. At first, I was gonna make it a personal mission to shed light on mental health and what help there is for people that slip into drug addiction, and how much it hijacks people’s brains. I was gonna draw attention to it. The further I got away from it, I was weary of putting myself out there. I had to tell all my friends, and everyone in my world knows. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to really talk about it, but I am, now. A lot of people deal with that stuff. It was really embarrassing for me, to think about how I slipped like that. But it happens to strong people, all kinds of people.

SILY: Was touring with Duster making things more difficult?

JA: What happened was Duster got back together--I was clean at this point, but I had already had my year-long battle with substance abuse between getting let go of Built to Spill and when Duster started, which was a short gap. When Duster played in New York, I was still sober. I got back from there and promptly relapsed really hard. I got clean again for tour, but relapsed again when I got back. Those guys were really patient with me. They tried to hook me up with help. Everyone has to do it for themselves. When that box set got released, I was struggling. I always expected Duster to start up again, but it never would. It finally did, and I felt like I was letting my end of it down. I contributed to the new record--it all happened really quick, at least that’s what it seems like.

I was just getting ready to do a lot of touring with Helvetia, and then COVID happened, so I’m just playing every day, recording, and taking care of myself.

SILY: It seems like as tough and scary as a pandemic is, it has for a lot of people given them an opportunity to mentally reset and pay attention to what makes them feel good, mentally and physically. Do you find that’s the case?

JA: Yeah. I imagine there’s so many people getting back into whatever passions they have, and I think it’s good for that. You always have to make the best of the situation, as impossible as it all seems. With rock shows being a way’s off, and are they gonna come up with a vaccine? If they don’t, it really messes a lot of things up for everybody. The food industry. We’re song and dance people who go out and play shows. We get used to it. It’s a nice break in between recording. It doesn’t seem like that’s gonna be happening for a while. Make the best of it. Getting used to the new way of life.

SILY: Was you getting let go of Built to Spill just because Doug Martsch was trying to rotate the lineup every record?

JA: Yeah. [Drummer Steve Gere] and I came in--Steve plays in Helvetia, too. When we went in together in 2012, I didn’t think it was gonna be something that lasted a long time. We toured a lot, and I really enjoyed that experience. I consider Doug a really good friend. We’ve been through a lot of stuff together. That was really cool, but when he got rid of the other two guitar players during that time, and we got down to a three-piece, I got really stretched out at that point. It wasn’t the Built to Spill I thought people wanted to see. We were about to go to Brazil, and Doug decided he wanted to switch it up. I think he just got bored of it. When Doug went to Brazil, he hooked up with some musicians there who are really cool. I was surprised when we were let go, but that’s just the way he has built up his band, that he can do that. I think it’s best for Built to Spill. I went and saw them when they were in Portland for 4 nights. It was good to see him. It was a really great experience, but until you’ve actually toured 5 months out of the year--that was my dream, being a musician that makes money doing that--but it isn’t the easiest thing ever. There’s a lot of grinding it out. It’s impossible to complain about it, because you’re doing a lot of things that people want to do.

SILY: Do any of the lyrics on This Devastating Map explicitly reference your struggles with addiction?

JA: I start the whole record off talking about getting clean. I don’t want to spell it out, because it’s pretty brutal, but that’s what it is. The whole record is as clear as I wanted it to get. It’s all over it. That came out of the struggle. I would say most songs deal with the repercussions from that. When you’re in recovery, time is so important. Every day you gain sober is really big. You’re waiting to get back to normal, and the songs kind of deal with that waiting. It’s tough. But I can say for sure that after a year, it gets a lot easier. It is possible to get over it, but you really have to have the worst time of your life doing it. It’s so unfortunate that getting into hard drugs is so easy nowadays. It’s a bummer. [laughs]

“Reaktor”, the video that game out, that’s even just me trying to be upbeat. I’m a new person now. Back to normal, able to be a dad. 

SILY: Do you regularly listen to this record?

JA: I listened to it a bunch while I was making it. I struggled with the order of the songs, and which songs to keep, and I changed it a few times after we mastered it. When I was done with it and finally sent it off, I stopped listening to it. I’m a couple records down the road. But I’m really proud of it. I’m proud of myself for getting my shit back together. That was one of the biggest drawbacks of dealing with addiction--my creativity fucking sucked. I could sit there and try all I want, but I couldn’t finish. Finally getting back to normal, I’m keeping that going. I’m recording as much as I can. I’m 45, man. This is the life that I chose. I never really grew up. I’m still a young person in the head. In hindsight, I think it changed a lot of things, but that’s just hindsight. I’m really lucky: I have good friends, people that encouraged me to be the best person I can be, and I’m not complaining. It was a struggle, and I feel bad for anyone else going through this.

SILY: What inspired the phrase “this devastating map?”

JA: It’s as simple as the songs together tell the story of my addiction and my recovery, and also just the scars on my body. It’s way more hardcore than I want it to be, but that’s the way it is.

SILY: There’s a certain realness to the record. Are you always singing from your point of view?

JA: No, I’ll inhabit any personality I can think of. A lot of times, I’ll refer to myself in the third person. That’s the thing: This record is more autobiographical than other records, but usually, I have a relationship with my past catalog. I always wonder, “How many records are you gonna make with what you have to offer?” I rework old ideas and do things over and over and wait for better results. A lot of the lyrics are tongue-in-cheek. A lot of what’s lost is the sense of humor. The reason I didn’t give you lyrics is because what you imagine what’s being said is more appropriate than what I actually wrote. When I listen to music, I make it my own. That’s what’s great about music. You put it out there, and other people make it their own. This record, there’s a lot of “me” in it.

SILY: To me, a song like “Love Me” seems pretty strong and direct.

JA: I’m a people pleaser...I’m looking for love, even though it’s not that simple all the time. I’ve never written a song that even talks about love, so that was tough for me to actually put that on the record. Every band I like talks about love, but it’s the most basic aspect of my personality: wanting to be accepted.

SILY: Can you tell me about “Castle Rock”?

JA: [laughs] I was digging through some old 4-track stuff, looking for sound collage things. I found the nucleus of that. That song, in my mind, was a triumphant thing. What’s another thing bands write about? How they’re gonna rock your face off. It’s kind of a joke, like, “Storm the castle! I’m gonna get my shit together!” That song was cool because I just like the way the breaks worked out. The drum machine. It’s a little more nonsensical. A “We Will Rock You” kind of thing.

SILY: It definitely provides some levity.

JA: I can’t talk about how much you suck or shit sucks [all the time]. Sometimes, it’s just songwriting 101...I’m not that great at it. [laughs]

SILY: Making an album inspired by a difficult and emotional period in your life, did that find its way into the recording process? You recorded it with other people who knew what you were going through.

JA: Duster, we were kind of a band that recorded with each other, but it started off as everyone doing their own and putting it on the record. Helvetia I’ve always done by myself. It’s by definition a vanity project. Everything’s done exactly how I want it to be done, and it satisfies all my pop urges, stuff I wouldn’t be able to get away with with Duster. Steve’s the guy who put me into rehab. I play with him regularly, but music for the most of the time is a solitary thing. I do like the process of playing with people, but for this project I don’t do that. So the recording was by far the least stressful part of this. It was really therapeutic for me. Every day, get ideas down. Making records to me is really entertaining. Whittling away at it until it’s cohesive.

SILY: What’s the inspiration behind the album art?

JA: My friend Creighton Barrett from Band of Horses, we were in the same friends group in Seattle in the early 2000′s. We just kept in touch, and he posted a poster he made on Instagram. Before this record was finalized, I thought it was gonna be really heavy, so I wanted some artwork that was more playful. So that’s Creighton’s artwork.

SILY: Do you have any idea how you might adapt these songs live, when the time comes?

JA: This record, we’re playing 3 songs from it...this one doesn’t have the easiest songs to play, so I decided to work within the confines of regular tuning and have a new record come out after this. That’s the problem: When you’re recording a lot, you’re a couple records ahead of where the releases are. I don’t think about this record at all. I started thinking about it again when it was announced, and it’s not that I don’t love it, but I’m not gonna play a lot of songs from it. Maybe that’ll change. I have to think about how they’re gonna come across live. There’s a new set of songs that’s gonna be more fun live. I don’t know how a lot of this stuff translates. I think some people like the meandering, soft rocker stuff. I’m not worried about playing this record.

SILY: Were you thinking about doing a live stream?

JA: Not for Helvetia. We did a Duster thing where we all did a cover of a Duster song in isolation, and it was cool, but I have yet to watch a performance of someone at home. Well, I watched Doug Martsch do his Daniel Johnston songs, and that was cool, but I wouldn’t want to do it by myself, and I can’t get my band to hang out with me, since we’re worried we’ll get each other sick and die. I don’t want to play a backing track. I don’t think the world needs me performing by myself right now.

[purplesurveys]

987

survey by shamegmeg

Have you ever cut your own hair? I’ve trimmed my own bangs but that’s it. I feel like doing anything to my hair altogether on my own is too big a move and would have bigger consequences if I fuck it up (which I definitely will end up doing).

What do you eat most frequently? Meat - chicken, beef, and pork. It’s in nearly every dish we eat, if not all of them.

Are you a fan of video games? I will always find the topic interesting and I played a fair share of video games growing up, but I’m not an ultra fan of any of the most popular games right now. I do like staying updated with my favorite series like Grand Theft Auto, The Sims, Mario Kart, etc. but it’s rare that I get my hands on the console itself to play. 

What's your favorite color combination? I don’t really think of any specific two colors, but I’m generally a fan of combinations of muted or pastel colors. Anything that doesn’t hurt my eyes too much.

Did you share a locker at school? We didn’t do that; we each had our own.

What's one sport you could never play? Basketball. Never understood the rules and I just never had the stamina for it. I’m also pretty competitive so I feel like I’d be pissed off and take it personally whenever somebody blocks me hahaha.

Blue or black ink? Black. I have nothing against blue though - I just like keeping pens with black ink around more.

Have you ever sang karaoke? Just once or twice. I’m not extroverted enough for it, not even when drunk. I just really hate the sound of my own singing voice, so it doesn’t help if I’m suddenly singing into a microphone.

What was the last concert you attended? Answer’s gonna be unchanged for the meantime, man...Paramore. No complaints naming them every time I’m asked this, though. Let’s hope they’ll also be the next concert I attend, as they like coming back to Manila anyway :))

Have you held anyone's hand in the past week? No.

What's your favorite perfume/body spray/cologne? I’ve used Beyoncé’s Heat Rush since high school. I’ve never gotten tired of the scent and pretty much everyone knows me by that perfume now.

How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? Before Covid, it depended on how late I’d get out of bed. If I had the energy to get up earlier, I’d devote 20-30 minutes to getting ready; but if it was a harder morning to face, I’d just take a quick 3-minute shower and wear the first things I see in my closet. These days since I just work from home, all I need to do is shower which takes no more than a few minutes.

What is the oldest age you think should wear makeup? I think anyone of any gender of any age (except babies and younger kids) of any background from any walk of life should be allowed to wear makeup...

How old were you when you went on your first date? I was 16.

What's your nationality(ies)? Filipino.

Are you an open book? I can be for the most part since there’s no harm in sharing, but there are a few things that I’m extremely protective and secretive about.

Do you think you're a good secret keeper? Yeah. I used to share secrets with Gab but that’s because she tends to forget easily, but otherwise I have no problem taking secrets with me to my grave.

Name one fashion trend you could never follow. I have never been into wedges. Too chunky-looking.

Do you prefer long hair or short hair? On me? Short. It’s easier to maintain and take care of.

When do you plan to go to sleep tonight? Depends on how tired I am by the end of the day. I did make a cup of coffee today though so the caffeine might also choose to hang out into the evening.

Has anyone besides your family seen you naked? Yes.

If so, who? Gabie.

What exotic animal would you love to have as a pet? That’s a pass for me. I don’t know their temperament and what they need on a normal day, so I’m really not well-equipped to keep an exotic animal as a pet and I don’t want to end up accidentally killing them or something.

Do you want kids when you're older? At this point in my life I can go with or without them.

Did your parents sign you up for anything you hated as a child? I’m definitely grateful for it now, but when I was going through ballet classes as a five year old I absolutely hated it and had no idea what I was doing there. I wish I could tell my five year old self to appreciate it more because now I think it’s pretty cute that my parents wanted me to take up ballet and enrolled me in classes.

Where's your cell phone? It’s just right beside me. It’s always right beside me, haha.

Which came first, the chicken or the egg? I’ve always been a firm supporter of the egg lol because it had to be an earlier version of the chicken that laid the egg that would ultimately hatch the chicken as we know them today. Idk though, I hate questions like this hahahaha

What are your feelings about Octomom? I don’t know anything more than the fact that she had octuplets, which is awesome and badass in itself.

Do you know of Smosh? I used to LOVE Smosh, like holy shit. I probably talked about them in my earliest surveys a decade ago; simply put I was hooked. Watched every new episode and every new Lunchtime with Smosh/Ian Is Bored video from around maybe 2010-2013 until they started adding more crew members and until their videos started to stray from the content that made them blow up in the first place. I still remember when it was Smosh and Pewdiepie vying for the highest subscriber count on YouTube, haha. Was also sad when Anthony left. Suffice it to say I’ll always hold a fondness for Smosh - Anthony and Ian were my first favorite YouTubers along with Pewdiepie.

Do you drink enough water daily? Some days I do, some days I don’t.

Is your diet healthy? When I do eat my dishes are always a good balance of meat and veggies, but I feel like me skipping most of my meals overshadows that fact and makes my overall diet not-so-healthy.

What's your favorite fruit? The only one I’ve had and not feel like gagging whenever I consume it is avocado. To an extent, tomato too.

What was your favorite Halloween costume? Going as my former best friend, Sofie.

Have you purchased any cool objects from a foreign country? I bought a few trinkets from Japan when I was there, but they were all for my loved ones and I don’t exactly remember what I bought anymore.

Are you on a laptop or a desktop computer right now? Laptop. 

Where do you plan to post this survey? Tumblr, as I’ve always done in the last near-decade or so.

Do you remember anyone's number by heart? My mom’s, sister’s, and Gabie’s.

Are you a morning person or a late night owl? I’m more of a morning person lately because of work and because of the need to be chirpy by 9 AM. Being awake these days makes me sad now, so I avoid staying up late as much as I can; which means my days of being a night owl are over.

Name something you will never try in your lifetime. Coprophagia.

What do you think is your biggest flaw? I’m super competitive, which makes me the suckiest person to have friendly games with. I avoid them altogether so that I don’t end up killing the vibe of whatever crowd I’m with. I’ll own this lol.

First physical trait you notice in the sex you're attracted to? Wouldn’t say I’m automatically attracted to any sex. With everyone though, I tend to notice body language first which kiiinda counts as a physical trait.

How about personality wise? Whether they look approachable/easy to talk to or not.

Are you sick often? Almost never.

Would you rather have strep throat or an ear infection? Uh I’d rather not be sick at all hahaha.

When did you last shower? This morning, before work. We have online meetings every Monday morning, and I wanted to look fresh and clean for it.

Do you have neat handwriting? I’d say so. I get a lot of compliments about my penmanship and my friends usually call on me when they need someone with consistent and clean handwriting, so I guess must be holding my pens right.

Are you a messy or organized person? I’d say my workspaces are always organized but my personal space (car, backpack, etc) is messy.

At what age do you hope to get married? By the end of my 20s or early 30s.

Is being thin really all that great? Idk, I feel like the experience differs per person. I don’t have complaints about it for the most part, but it can get annoying when there are certain tops I’d like to wear but will never be able to pull off and thus have to leave on the rack just because my chest is flat or my overall figure is rather tiny.

Which of the seven deadly sins do you think you're most guilty of? Pride.

How much time have you spent on the computer today? 9 hours and counting. WFH is basically being on the computer all day, so that’s a big reason why I’ve racked up so many hours.

What size shoe are you? 6–7.5.

How was the weather today? The sun was out but fortunately it wasn’t all that hot for me to feel uncomfortable. I hate that it was bright all day, though. My disposition is more likely to improve if it’s cloudy and a little gloomy, haha.

Do you live above, below, or on the Equator? Above.

Do you know how to use Photoshop? I tried to play and experiment with it as a teen, but it just never made sense to me. I hate touching any kind of Adobe program.

Admit it, you're thinking about someone right now. Eh, false. I’m thinking of how much longer this survey will still be.

Where is he/she?

Where was your first job? My first internship was also at a PR agency, if that counts.

Favorite year in high school? Junior year.

East or West? As in parts of the world? East all the way, of course.

Where did your first kiss take place? On my bed.

What color do you wear most often? Probably maroon because of how many UP shirts I have.

Who was the last person you talked on the phone to? That would be my dad.

Have you ever done your own laundry? Kinda. I’ve had to wash my blanket a few times because Cooper peed on them.

Have you ever been to a night club? Yes.

Are you allergic to anything? Nope.

What's the best place you have ever eaten? Mendokoro Ramenba by a freaking mile.

Do you own a hair straightener? No. My mom does; if I ever need a straightener I just borrow hers.

Are you barefoot right now? Yep, always am when I’m at home except for the rare times I put socks on.

Are you subscribed to any magazine? No. Even when magazine subscriptions were popular I was never subscribed to any; I didn’t see the point when I could just get the new issue every month at the mall myself lol.

Puppies or kittens? Puppies.

If you had a billion dollars, where would your first investment be made? First I would probably read up on investment so that I don’t end up making decisions I’ll regret. My first agenda is to help my parents settle whatever payments they’re making at the moment, so that they don’t have to worry about any of that crap anymore.

Who is the best artist you've seen live? PARAMORE. I mean they’re artists, as in plural, but still.

Any major plans coming up this week? Keep myself alive.

Did you know they never told you Arnold's last name in Hey, Arnold? Never realized that but I don’t really care too much, considering I was never into the show.

Would you rather watch a romantic comedy or watch a thrilling horror movie? Romantic comedy, as long as it’s one I’ve already seen and enjoyed, like Love Actually or The Proposal. Most other romcoms are too cheesy and suck.

How is your hair styled right now? It’s in a ponytail that’s been unchanged all day, so it’s a bit messy at this point.

Favorite person that you've talked to today? Angela.

Do you need AC right now? I’m good. It’s a little chilly tonight, so yay.

Do more people call you by a nickname or your first name? My first name is already my nickname - most people just call me Robyn. At home, though, I’m usually called a shortened version of my name.

Name something you're proud of. I confided in Angela today that I’m finally starting to think of seeing a therapist. Which I think is such a big realization to have and a big choice to have made. So yay me. Let’s hope I actually push through with it, and let’s hope I’m able to land a job soon so I can finally fucking afford to see one.

Are you a hopeless romantic? I never knew what this meant and I don’t feel like learning tonight.

How do you feel about couples who say 'I love you' too soon? No judgment. I don’t comment on how other couples navigate their relationship; it’s their thing.

What's the most recent favor you've done for somebody? Can’t remember.

Are you at home right now? Yep.

What did you last spend money on? Gas.

Does any accent annoy you? Stereotypical ones, like how Filipino-American stand-up comedians always try to cash in on Filipino quirks and make fun of thick Filipino accents, which makes all Filipinos look like we can’t speak English ‘properly,’ whatever properly means. Full-blooded Filipinos are so sick of that shit. We get it, the cellpown is ober der -___-

How about turn you on? None actively turn me on.

Are you wearing any jewelry? No.

Do you get along better with your mom or your dad? Dad. Easier to talk to and we share more interests.

Are you craving anything right now? Sushi.

What's worse: Crocs or Uggs? I’d go with Uggs, because Crocs actually look cute on kids so at least it suits one market lol

Do you knock before you open doors? Yep, always. I learned the habit because my mom never knocks and I quickly realized I don’t want to be that kind of person.

Do you know what a sock on the doorknob means? I think so.

Chocolate or vanilla? Chocolate.

What's your zodiac sign? Taurus.

Does Fred from Youtube annoy you? I don’t think he ever did.

[whumpmeamadeus-blog]

Untouchable (Persona 5 Whump)

Non shippy fic of Iwai helpiing with Ren, who has gotten himself in a spot of trouble. From my fic ‘Vignettes of Comfort” on Ao3! (Trans-Akira, Guns, Threats, hurt, comfort, stabbing mention)

“Just stay under the radar, kid,” Iwai muttered, leaning against the cluttered desk in the back of his shop.

Ren looked him over; man, if he was 20 years older. Even 10. Damn. He banished those thoughts from his mind and tossed his hair from his eyes. “I pretty much live under the radar.”

That chuckle, more like a chainsaw revving than a laugh. “Good way to go through life, if you can. Now go on, get outta here. Ain’t got time to waste on a kid like you.”

“See you soon, then.” With a saucy salute, Ren bid Iwai farewell and left Untouchable. He was feeling pretty confident about his evening, knowing it had went well and that he was getting even more of a discount. Morgana, safely in his bag, chatted his ear off the entire way through Shibuya.

All in all, this had been a pretty good night.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Honestly, at first Iwai had been annoyed by that skinny little nobody coming through and taking up his time with weird requests for things kids should never have been interested in. But he never heard of the kid doing anything illegal with what he bought. At least, nothing he got caught doing.

Iwai also knew, now, that the things Amamiya Ren bought from him were being used to a standard even he couldn’t complain about.

Kaoru would be jazzed to know about that.

Iwai finished up his work and went home. It was a simple night at home with Kaoru, something he didn’t get to enjoy as much as he should. But he was going to make more of an effort. He thought about seeing if maybe he couldn’t get Ren to hang out with Kaoru a little, take him to the batting cages or SOMETHING. They were only a couple years apart and Ren was a good kid; more importantly, he was a kid with a spine and a sense of justice. Kaoru was doing just fine, but maybe spending some time with a kid a few years older, who really seemed to have a handle on himself, would be good. He’d make a point to bring it up the next time Ren came by.

When a week later, he hadn’t seen the kid, he didn’t think about it. Sometimes he wouldn’t show up for weeks on end. What was Iwai gonna do about it? A kid was a kid.

A week and a half, and nothing. Iwai didn’t even pass by him on Central Street, which he had done before. Normally, he wouldn’t worry; it wasn’t any business of his what Ren got up to.

But something was gnawing at him. He tried to ignore it, and was doing a pretty steady job.

Half a week later - two in total since the last time he had seen Ren, if one was counting, which he certainly wasn’t - Iwai was doing some light dusting just to keep his mind off of things. Their shit country. That Shido guy everyone seemed to be all up in arms about (which he didn’t understand, the guy looked like a tool who collected toy skulls and made stupid sexist videos on the Internet). Kaoru was suffering in English, which Iwai was no good in either. Maybe, a little bit, he was worried about Ren.

He turned his back on the door and knelt to get something out of sight. Of course, the moment he did that, he heard the door open; always happened that way, didn’t it? “Just a minute.”

“Dad!?”

Kaoru’s concerned voice jolted him, and Iwai stood straight up. His son was still in his uniform, with his school bag, like everything was normal.

But he was also supporting Ren, who looked tired, almost gaunt, with faded, yellowing bruises under vibrantly coloured new ones running up and down his bare arms, and on his neck. Then Ren looked up and met his gaze; the blackened, swollen state of his eye was magnified through those gigantic glasses.

“How in the hell is THIS flyin’ under the radar?” Iwai grumbled, internally panicked that his old family had come after them after all.

“Well,” Ren said dryly, “I didn’t start the fight, if that helps.”

“Shut up.”

Iwai and Kaoru helped Ren get to the back room, where he all but collapsed onto the closest surface. Immediately, Iwai dragged Kaoru back out into the store. “Tell me what happened.”

Kaoru watched him go over and lock the door before clearing his throat. “I just went to the diner and he was there with like four empty coffee mugs in front of him, covered in bruises just like now. Except I only saw his face, his sleeves were rolled down.”

That was why Ren had looked especially odd to him - usually the kid was wearing a jacket, whether is was his uniform or something else. Iwai shook his head and lit a cigarette despite the look Kaoru gave him, the look that said You told me you were gonna quit months ago. “He say anything to you?”

“About what happened to him? No, I just asked if he needed help, he said no. I told him too bad and that if he didn’t come with me I was just going to call you anyways.”

“Good kid,” Iwai said. He was proud of his son for doing the right thing. “Listen, I got it from here - why don’t you get back to the diner and get started on your homework?”

Kaoru didn’t seem to like it, but listened - especially when he was given Iwai’s wallet. Iwai let him out of the store, then pulled down the grate before locking the door again. He didn’t necessarily want to send Kaoru out there again, if this kid had been hurt because of some ancient BS, but thought it might be easier to get Ren to talk if Kaoru was out of the way. He’d make it to the diner just fine; Iwai hadn’t raised an idiot, after all.

His more pressing concern was finding out what, exactly, had happened to Ren.

He got a bottle of water from under the desk, and a first aid kit, then moved into the back room. Ren was sitting exactly where they had left him, but with his eyes closed and head now leaned back against the wall. He was holding onto his phone, but it was dark. Iwai announced his presence with a sigh. Ren cracked open the eye with the least amount of damage. “Where’s Kaoru?”

“What happened to you?”

“That’s how you answer a question?” Ren asked, with that edge that Iwai liked, that reminded him of himself. “I just...got in something I shouldn’t have.”

Iwai took a drag from his cigarette and looked Ren up and down. He looked much smaller without that jacket. Maybe Iwai had been mistaken in thinking he was old for his age; this kid was hardly more than an ankle-biter. “No shit. But what?”

“It wasn’t anything like what you got into, if that’s what you’re worried about. I just got my ass handed to me last week, then again this week.”

They had what felt to Iwai like a battle of wills. With the kid so beat up, Iwai knew he was destined to throw the match and did so spectacularly, with a hefty sigh and a rolling of the eyes so hard that he thought he saw the top of his own skull. “Fine. Have your secrets.”

He leaned over to reach into a mini-fridge and pulled out a cold pack from the small tray that served as a freezer. “Put this on over your eye,” he said, pushing it into Ren’s hands. He didn’t take his eyes off of the kid until the gel pack was over the worst of the bruising. Then Iwai flipped open the first aid kit. After everything he had been through, he made sure to keep the thing pretty well stocked; not that there was much he could do for bruising. He found a cream for it, and tossed that to Ren as well.

“...I think I’m bleeding, too,” Akira said, and for the first time, Iwai thought he heard a hint of weakness in that voice.

He didn’t show that, however, and just nodded as he grabbed a package of gauze and medical tape, as well as bandaids, from the first aid kit. Iwai hoped this wasn’t bad enough that Ren would have to go to the hospital, because he would be a real hypocrite to his own ways if he dragged the kid there for this. He took a stack of napkins from some take-out meal or another and doused it in water from the bottle. “Lemme see.”

Ren hesitated, one hand playing with his dirty collar. Iwai just gave him a stern look. “Remember who I am, kid - I’ve patched up worse wounds than whatever you’ve gotten yourself into.”

With a sigh, Ren stood and turned around. Iwai swore under his breath; there was a gash in his shirt, and blood trickling through to stain the white, red. Ren slowly unbuttoned his shirt but instead of dropping it, just pulled it up to rest underneath his armpits. Iwai didn’t question it, just looked over the cut that stretched, thin but not too long, over the left side of his lower back; it was clearly a switchblade. He’d know the cut anywhere.

“Not too bad,” he said. “Surface wound, won’t need stitches.”

“I can clean it up,” Ren said, and Iwai was going to fight him on it before realizing that there were any number of reasons this kid wouldn’t want to be touched after a scrape like whatever he had gotten into. So he just gave the napkins to Ren and gave him verbal cues to wipe the cut clean. It took a little folding and maneuvering, but Ren eventually got the gauze positioned and relented, letting Iwai tape it down.

He let Ren do the bruises, too, and turned around to look through the first aid kit again, half to look for any ibuprofen and half to give Ren some semblance of privacy. There was a bottle in there, and the expiration date was still a year away. Perfect. Only when Ren said he was done did Iwai turn back to him, bottle in hand. Ren had his shirt pulled back down now, and was holding the cold pack to his neck. “...thanks.”

“Sure thing. I was an idiot kid getting into fights once, too.”

“It wasn’t a fight,” Ren said, and this time he sounded very serious. His eyes were hard, and Iwai held up a hand, palm upward, a man asking for more of an answer than that. “It wasn’t. I was jumped last week, and when I didn’t have enough cash on me, they beat me and said they’d be back.”

Anger bubbled up in Iwai’s gut; who the hell would do that to a kid? At least it didn’t sound like anything Iwai’s past had dragged them into. “And then?”

“Well I saw them all around. Think they knew where I lived. Saw them in my neighborhood. Outside of school even.” He shrugged. “Got cocky, figured they’d forget about me, or I could...persuade them otherwise.”

Iwai had wondered about that part; this kid was a Phantom Thief, after all. How’d this happen to someone like him?

“But things got away from me, and I couldn’t. They caught up to me, and...well. Here we are.. I didn’t have what they wanted, they got me, pulled a knife. Barely got out of there.”

Ren was trying to keep his cool, but Iwai could see the way his hands were shaking. Just a little. With a sigh, Iwai leaned against the table, arms folded over his chest. “You know who they were?”

“Just some low-level wannabe gang, I think. If I knew their names, I could…” Ren shook his head, then drained the rest of the water left in that bottle despite its tepid temperature. “But I don’t, so I need to figure out what to do next.”

“What you need to do is sit there and let me think,” Iwai said. He knew how to deal with up-shots who wanted more than they were worth. Because this wasn’t going to go down this way; these assholes weren’t going to harass this kid any longer. Iwai’s fingers just barely brushed the tattoo on his neck.  “You wanna end this once and for all?”

Ren looked at him, then said ‘no,’ quietly. Then again. “No, you don’t have to get involved.”

“Kid,” Iwai said, leaning forward and looking him in the eye. “It’s too late for that

“I’m in.”

Ren let Iwai take him home that night, accepting a ride in the back of a surprisingly clean and sporty car with Kaoru. No one was in Leblanc, and he heard Boss in the back. Moving he quickly, he called out that he was back and darted upstairs. Morgana, asleep under the bed with just his tail poking out, didn’t stir. Good thing Futaba had him today and worn him out; she had really taken a shine to that cat.

When he sat on the bed he did so quietly, not wanting to wake Morgana. He unbuttoned his shirt and looked down over his bruised stomach. The worst of it, however, something Iwai was never going to see, was under his binder. Usually he slept with it on, but with this bruising...Ryuji would kick his ass worse than this if he knew Ren was pushing himself with that thing. Of all the people who knew - which was only about five people, in the whole world - who knew that he was trans, Ryuji took it the most seriously. He had done all of the reading, searched online, learned everything he could. For Ren.

So it was with Ryuji in mind that Ren struggled out of his binder and abandoned it on the bed. It should be washed, but he couldn’t even think about that until he was covered. His chest was covered in bruises, and once it was no longer compressed the pain blossomed outward from there. First, Ren took a shaky breath and palmed the cream Iwai had given him. Yes, he should put this on, but...well, unless he was putting the binder on, Ren didn’t let his hands near his chest. It was too much for him. Later, maybe. He pulled out his pajama shirt and yanked it on, then his grey hoodie over that. What could he say? He was feeling vulnerable. Ren climbed under the covers and pulled his phone close to him. The minute he touched it, the device buzzed. A text from Iwai.

‘Keep an eye out kid. Come by the shop if you see those dicks.’

Ren would have chuckled at the wording alone - exactly how Iwai spoke - but if he was honest with himself, he didn’t feel much like laughing.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Two nights later, Ren was feeling shaky after a shift at the Beef Bowl Shop. All night long, he had spotted the men who were after him for something as trivial as money. Ren had money, he didn’t have to worry about that. This was the principal of the thing. He thought that, if he could get them talking he find out at least one name, he could take them down where he was stronger - Mementos. Then they wouldn’t be bothering anyone else, either.

Honestly, he wouldn’t have been worried if it was just one of them that he had spotted. One guy, he thought he could handle.

But there had been three separate guys out there through the course of the night, including the one who had cut him. Now, Ren did not consider himself a coward in any sense of the word. But this?

Well. It made him uneasy enough to send a text to Iwai. It was simple, just ‘3 @ the Beef Bowl Shop,’ because he didn’t know how else to ask for assistance other than simply telling him the facts. This would be different, he told himself, if so many people were not relying on him.

His boss had dismissed him 10 minutes before he sent the text. Only 5 minutes after he sent it did he hear a knock to the employee part of the building. One of his co-workers stuck her head in. “Uhm, Amamiya? A guy who says he’s your uncle is here?”

Then he really could have laughed. The man even came up with an excuse. He thanked his co-worker and went out to the main dining room. Sure enough, Iwai was there, leaning against the window and looking bored while a few of the customers looked on, worried.

“Thank for coming to get me, Uncle Munehisa,” he teased, his voice light despite the reason Iwai had come.

“Shut your mouth, kid,” Iwai said, but Ren saw the chuckle playing at the corners of his mouth. “Let’s get out of here.”

The moment they were outside, Iwai looked both ways down the street. “When was the last time you saw one of them?”

Ren started to move across the street, towards the alley that led to Untouchable, keeping an eye out as well. None of them seemed to be in the immediate area; maybe he had been hasty. But he did feel a little more secure with Iwai at his side. “Last two passed by maybe ten minutes ago.”

“We’ll just get to Untouchable and work from there, alright?”

“Alright.”

It was simple, really. Just get into the store and leave from there. Ren followed Iwai across the street and down the alley. He glanced at the Velvet Room; Justine did not meet his gaze. At least if things ever got too crazy, he could jump in there. Not ideal, but doable. Iwai pulled out his keys and opened the door to Untouchable. He held it open. “Get in.”

Ren moved past him, and the impending sense of danger did not come quickly enough.

A sharp pain in his back, over where he had been cut before, and he was sent reeling forward into the store. His vision swam as his head bounced with the impact of his knees on the floor. But Iwai’s grunt of pain hurt way more than that. He hoped that Iwai would stay away as Ren pushed through the pain and turned around. There were two guys on Iwai, who looked calm and collected as he slammed his fist into a jaw. Ren would have chuckled if the guy who had pushed him did not drop to the floor and push him back, to the ground, with his arm on Akira’s neck.

He had just been too distracted with Iwai to move quickly enough. With all of his might, Ren pushed against the man holding him down; the silky shirt, leopard print, slid around under his grasp. That STUPID shirt - Akira knew it well.

This was the man with the knife. Ren knew that before he even brought it out. “You think your ex-yakuza sugar daddy can save you? Too late for that - we got you.”

Ren thought about all of the bruises on him. He thought about how a group like this would never involve the police, so he shouldn’t be at any risk if he retaliated. He thought about his friends, waiting for him to lead them. And he thought about how Iwai was over there, fighting for him.

It became absolutely effortless to take his fist and drive it into that stupid leopard-spotted stomach. Ren was able to get the man off of him, but his main goal was to get the knife out of reach. Never mind that he was in a store full of replica weapons, many with blades triple the size of the knife - THAT was the one that had dug into his back, and the owner seemed pretty fond of it.

He yanked himself up using the counter, while the guy was still on the ground, and Ren made a quick decision to drive his shoe into his head. Not enough to seriously hurt him, just keep him down. Ren was still feeling winded from being knocked to the ground, and wished more than anything that he had the same skills in the real world as he did in the Metaverse - there, he could get knocked down a hundred times and get back a hundred and one. Here, he was just tired, his gun a model in his pocket, and Arsene felt a world away. But Ren was still strong, and after his arrest had a better hold on his rash behaviour. He no longer acted so quickly under stress, thought his actions out more.

Today, that action was to lower himself back to the ground and grab the man’s wrist. Ren twisted his wrist around until he had no choice but to drop the knife, then snatched it away. His instinct was to toss it across the store, but that was stupid. So he folded the thing and stored it in his pocket before jumping over leopard print, who was still moaning on the ground, and joining Iwai.

Who was doing very well. One of the guys was on the ground just outside of the shop, looking dazed, and Iwai was wrestling the other one to the ground.

“It make you a big man, huh? Threatenin’ kids?” Iwai growled, and Ren didn’t think he knew he was being watched. “Trash like you makes me sick.”

Then he moved his hands in a quick, expert way that Ren did not think he could ever duplicate, and the other guy dropped, too. He was still alive, coughing once he hit the ground, but looked down for the count. Ren moved over to the door, glancing behind him; leopard print was still down, too.

“Thanks,” he said, watching Iwai heave. It must have been some effort for him, and there was a pang in Ren’s heart for his own father, who would have thrown him to the wolves rather than fight for him. But then Iwai was on him, holding his face in those rough hands.

He turned Ren’s head gently every which way, then looked over the rest of his body. “They get you?”

“Not really,” he said. “I got pushed down and he came at me, but I’m alright.”

Iwai sighed and looked at the men on the ground outside. “Let’s get the other one out here and leave ‘em. They’ll wake up dazed but they should be fine.”

Ren nodded, even though at this point he didn’t care if they were fine or not. He helped Iwai move one out of the doorway, closer the first guy Iwai had taken down. That one was sporting a huge bruise to his temple. “What did you do to that guy?”

“...taught him a lesson,” Iwai said. He rolled one shoulder as they straightened up. “Listen kid, I’m gonna make sure punks like these don’t bother you again, you hear -”

A silencer on a gun does not silence it. A normal silencer takes the sound of a gunshot down  14.3-43 decibels, meaning that any shot is plenty audible. Of course, once a gun is shot, even if it is heard, there is hardly any time for a potential victim to move. That is not, usually, the main purpose of a silencer. A silencer is stop a sound from spreading, not to stop a potential victim from hearing it.

So when the man in the leopard print shirt, now on his feet, aimed his silenced gun at Ren and shot, both Ren and Iwai heard the blast. Already in the act of turning, Ren knew that the bullet was meant for him. He knew that it had left the barrel. And he knew that he could not drop to the ground or avoid it.

All of these realizations came to him in a nanosecond. One second, there was a bang; the next second there was pain shooting through his arm and he was on the ground. His ears were ringing, his arm was hot and wet.

And then, there was nothing but Iwai.

When he heard that gunshot, a million things ran through Iwai’s head. He was not going to let Kaoru be left behind again. He was not going to let everything he worked for fall to pieces. He was not going to let this punk end things for him. He was not going to let them hurt Ren ever again.

Then the kid dropped to the ground and Iwai’s world spun out of control. He wasted absolutely no time. The man in that idiot shirt aimed at him, but Iwai was quicker. Dropping low, Iwai closed the distance between them in four long steps, coat flapping out behind him. One second he was outside, across the alley; the next second he was under the guy, in front of him, and Iwai’s already bloody fist, knuckles threatening to bust open, sent his head snapping back in a powerful uppercut. The young guy went down, and he dropped the gun. Pathetic; he really was just the worst kind of guy. Before anything else, Iwai picked up the gun.

The butt of the handle against a thick cranium made sure this asshole wouldn’t be standing again for quite some time.

He dropped the gun into one of his pockets and flexed out his fingers as he stood and turned. Had it really ended so quickly? It seemed ridiculous. But that didn’t truly matter at the moment. What mattered was getting to Ren.

Thankfully, when Iwai got to the kid he was sitting up, leaning against the wall, clutching at his bloody arm. He was pale, though, rocking back and forth a little. Iwai knelt at his side and tilted his face up, bloody hand leaving a mark on Ren’s chin. His eyes were wide and the pupils were dilated, but his face was calm. His nostrils flared as he struggled to breath, though.

Luckily, Iwai was always calm under pressure. “Come on, if you’re gonna have a panic attack you’re not gonna do it out here. But before I can move you, you gotta tell me - did he get your arm?”

Ren nodded; at least he still seemed to possess enough of his senses to nod. He pulled his hand away, palm bloody, and Iwai was able to get a good look at his arm. It was an instant relief to see through the torn shirt that the bullet had not gone through him, only grazed him. The wound wasn’t deep at all, just kissing his flesh enough to bleed heavily. But Iwai was well-trained - he could tell at a glance that the bullet was long gone and had not gotten close to any arteries. “Good,” he muttered. “That’s good.”

“It’s...good I got shot?” Ren asked, and Iwai couldn’t even begin to fathom what sort of thoughts and feelings were behind the laugh that leaked from his lips.

Not what Iwai had meant, though. He gave Ren a look as he tore the rest of the sleeve away and tied it around the wound. Just temporary. “Well, it DOES mean you scared this guy enough or took a big enough gouge out of his pride that he thought he had to use a gun to get you down.”

That, of all things, made Ren smile. Cocky kid.

Iwai hid their attackers behind the old worn-out bikes in front of his shop. Once the store was cleared out and Iwai made sure that no one was coming to check out that sound of that shot, he brought Ren inside and made him sit behind the register. The kid was still a little shaky and Iwai was pretty sure that once he had time to process what just happened, he would probably be a mess. For the second time in a week, he got out the first aid kit. “Before you came along I used this thing maybe once a year. Gonna charge you for a new one if you start using up all my supplies.”

“Sorry,” Ren said, fingers prodding near the wound. “Next time I’ll get shot somewhere else.”

“Good thinking. Alright, let me see it.”

He untied the sleeve and let it drop the to the ground. The bleeding had staunched a little, which was good. But still…” You want me to take you to a hospital?”

“No,” Ren, said, suddenly on edge. “No, no...too many questions at a hospital.”

The similarity to something Iwai himself had said to a friend, a long time ago - a lifetime ago - was almost enough to knock the wind from his lungs. He turned the sound into a laugh. “How many secrets can a kid your age have?”

“One for every year, it feels like.” Ren let him clean the wound and blood around it the best he could. “If we go to a hospital, they’ll know a bullet wound, they’ll call the cops, and if the cops find out I was near real weapons...let’s just say, probation turns to jail time real quick.”

Iwai’s eyebrows shot up so quickly that they nearly disappeared under his hat. “You? Holy shit, Ren. You’re a wild ride.”

Iwai worked steadily to do what he could for the wound. The responsible adult in him screamed ‘Take the kid to a hospital!' The wild part of him, from long ago, told him that this kid was going places. But it was the yakuza part of him that took over, the part that said you never rat out a brother, you help him on his terms, you don’t break his trust. He got Ren’s arm as clean as he could, then doused the wound in something green and anti-septic. Ren hissed at that and tensed, but otherwise took it well. The wound, once it was clean, was in even better shape than he thought before. No stitches, just a jagged cut that might mean a scar later. But Iwai saw thick scars on the Ren’s arms and wrists already, and had a feeling that adding one more wasn’t going to be the end of his world.

He took care to wrap the wound gently enough to avoid pain, but tightly enough that the last of the gauze-like bandages from his kit would be able to do their job. Iwai sealed the end with an X of white medical tape then looked into his eyes. “You’re gonna be fine, kid.”

“Yeah, Akira said. “Fine.”

But Iwai saw that look in his eyes. There was a storm brewing inside that kid, and Iwai was going to keep him there until it was over. Iwai left out the back way of the store and got them dinner, called Kaoru and sent dinner home to him as well. Maybe the time alone would jump-start the freak out this kid was bound to have. It didn’t matter how tough you were, or whatever other shit you had been through in your life.

No one reacts well the first time they get shot. Iwai himself had thrown up and slept for 24 hours.

He sat with Ren as they ate, pretty quiet, meals the same shade of blue-grey in the dim lights on the shop. At first, he thought Ren was eating with his right arm at his side because of the pain. But when Iwai moved around to grab some napkins, he could see that Ren was holding something clenched in his hand.

“What ya got there?”

Ren looked down, not even seeming to realize that he was holding something. “Oh.” He gingerly put it on the counter. A folding knife. “Leopard print had it. He cut me with it last time, too.”

Iwai shook his head, and was about to respond when Ren’s hand formed a fist on the counter. “He could have killed me.”

There was no answer for that.

“He could have killed me over something as stupid as money. He could have come after you, or Kaoru, or any of my friends, for money.” Ren dropped his gaze to look at his knees. “Holy shit, I was stupid to think it would go away on it’s own. I’m usually not that fu-”

“Don’t start that,” Iwai said. “If you’re gonna freak out, if you’re gonna throw up, if you’re gonna cry, fine. But don’t start holding all that responsibility for other people’s shitty choices on your shoulders. If you start doing that, you never stop.”

He thought of Tsuda and took a breath. “So what’s it gonna be?”

Ren looked at him, then leaned back in his chair and put his hand over his eyes. “This is so stupid. I use all sorts of weapons every day as a Phantom g-goddamn Thief, and one gunshot wound gets me like this?”

His voice was thick with tears, and Iwai was honestly relieved. Better to let out whatever bullshit was going on inside then hold onto it until it destroyed him. He sat by and let Ren cry, let him hide behind his hand. That was all that there was left for Iwai to do, anyways.

But when Ren leaned forward and put his head between his knees, Iwai knew that some dam had burst and everything his kid - Phantom Thief, under probation - was holding on to was ready to come out. He didn’t want to disturb him, didn’t want Ren to think that he had to contain himself, but Iwai couldn’t let this kid suffer alone.

“Hey,” he said, sliding out of his seat. When Ren looked up, Iwai took his protective earmuffs off and slid the hat off. He placed the hat on Ren’s head, brim pulled down low over his eyes. The earmuffs, he readjusted a little bit and clamped over Ren’s ears. They blocked out all sounds and would leave Ren with some semblance of privacy.

Iwai stepped back, but suddenly a hand was holding his jacket. Ren was looking down now, but he had the hem of Iwai’s jacket in a vice grip. He pushed himself forward and the wheeled chair propelled him just a couple inches. Iwai was wary, but let the kid throw his arms around him. Iwai didn’t think he had been this close to anyone in a long time, but he wasn’t about to push him away. Ren buried his face in Iwai’s stomach, arms tight around his middle. He was crying in a way Iwai hadn’t in years, but he remembered the feeling. Helpless. Hopeless. Vulnerable.

The shittiest feeling in the world. Iwai put his hand on the back of Ren’s head and let him cry it out. Tomorrow, when it was light out, when this all seemed grey and distant, when Ren was safe in school or at home...Iwai was going to make sure that he didn’t have to worry about those thugs ever again. He hated guys like that, who had huge egos and lost it when they popped, who took on only people they thought they could beat, who took advantage of people. They deserved to be knocked down a peg, and Iwai would make sure it happened.

He still had connections, after all.

[ladyfogg]

Cold is the Night - 2/20

Cold is the Night - 2/20

Fic Summary: You and Pat have known each other for years but this summer, everything will change. As the two of you start to grow close, your matching tempers threaten the foundation of your rocky friendship and prevent both of you from realizing your true feelings. Cold is the Night Masterpost.

A/N: I’ve watched this movie so many times in less than a week, it’s pretty spectacular. Anyway, hope you enjoy chapter two!

Fic Song: Cold is the Night by The Oh Hellos. Fic playlist can be found here.  

Pairing: Pat Murray/Female Reader

Rating: NC-17

Warnings: Language, Slow Burn, Eventual Smut, Multiple Chapters

Gif by @joe-mazzello

Your alarm went off and dragged you out of a very wonderful nap. Outside, the blazing sun had finally set, bathing your bedroom in dusk. You had to get ready for work but were far too comfortable to do so right away. 

After your roommate moved out, you had moved the AC into your room instead of the living room, giving you all the cold air. The apartment was silent and you reveled in the fact that you lived alone for the first time in your life. It was definitely stressful but so fucking worth it.

With a yawn, you rolled out of bed with a luxurious stretch. You clicked on the lamp by your bed, giving your room a soft glow.

Out of the corner of your eye, you caught a flash of red and glanced over at your dresser. Pat’s baseball cap sat where you placed it the other day. He had been in such a rush to bolt from your car he left it behind. You had no idea when you’d see him next.

Originally, you had considered giving it to Vinnie to give to him, but you knew your brother would question where it came from and you’d rather not open that can of worms.

Not that there was anything wrong with giving your brother’s teammate a ride. You just knew Vinnie would make it a bigger deal than it was. Anything to give you shit.

Murray had always been an enigma to you. His temper aside, you knew very little about him even though he and Vinnie had been friends for years. While the boys always seemed to hang out together outside of practice, Pat was rarely with them, unless it was a whole team thing.

That day, when you saw him standing in the parking lot looking miserable and sunburned, you couldn’t stand the thought of him walking home. Especially in the heat.

Then that famous Murray anger reared its ugly head.

That’s the last time I fucking offer him a ride.

You realized you had spent a significant amount of time thinking about Pat Murray and quickly focused on something else. Like getting ready for work.

It was technically your day off, but one of the other bartenders quit and you hurriedly accepted the extra shift. You hoped the boss would notice and promote you to full-time so you could quit the batting cages and have a more solid source of income.

You liked bartending. Making drinks came easy to you and you enjoyed meeting new people. Plus, the tips were usually pretty fucking great. 

When you got to the bar, there weren’t many patrons. But it was a Saturday night in the middle of summer, which meant the place would be packed later.

You lost yourself in your work, moving behind the bar with practiced ease. Drinks flowed, tips were generous, and you were having a great time.

“Oh, little sisterrrr!”

Hearing Vinnie’s voice made you roll your eyes affectionately. You finished serving the drink you had just made before turning around to greet your brother.

He, Ty, Maz, Dells, and Garvey had taken up the few empty stools at the bar. To your immense surprise, Pat sat at the very end, looking uncomfortable. You had never seen him out with the guys before, outside of any after-game dinners. 

“Hey, douchebags,” you greeted them as you wiped your hands on a towel before tucking it under the bar. “What can I get you?”

“Whoa, whoa, that’s no way to treat paying customers!” Vinnie declared. “I’m gonna have to talk to your manager.”

“You’re gonna have to bite me.”

The guys laughed, except for Murray who looked like he didn’t even want to be there. You tried to ignore him as Ty spoke up. 

“Six beers, and a food menu. Been a long fucking day.”

“You got it.”

You plopped a few menus in front of them before going about getting their beers. They chatted amongst each other about what to get. Pat was, of course, the exception again. He remained silent, barely glancing at the menu before handing it to Maz. If you didn’t know him, you’d think he was there by himself, not his friends.

Drinks were passed out and you leaned on the counter, ready for their order. “One check or separate?”

“Separate probably? Right, guys?” Dells asked. 

Maz leaned in. “Actually, it’ll probably be easier to start a tab. Pay all together at the end.”

“And maaaaybe apply your family discount please and thank you?” Vinnie batted his eyelashes at you.

“Not tonight, Vin. You know I can’t do shit like that on busy nights.”

“Worth a try.”

You playfully threw a piece of ice at him as you took everyone’s order. Pat barely made eye contact with you when it came time for his.

After that, you were called to the other end of the bar to tend to new customers. You didn’t get back to them until their food was ready. By that point, they were all engaged in conversation. Ty, Vinnie, and Garvey were arguing about some movie or something, while Maz and Dells discussed Dells' failed hunt for a new car.

They didn’t stop even when you placed their plates in front of them, only gave you nods of acknowledgment and quiet words of thanks. 

You handed Pat his food last. “You look like you’d rather be anywhere else but here.”

“Cuz it’s true.” He took a sip of his beer before pulling his plate closer. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.” You made a move to walk away but something about Pat sitting there sulking drew you back. He looked downright miserable and you wondered why none of the guys were even attempting to engage him in conversation. “Alright, what’s bothering you.”

“Why do you care?”

You glared. At least you had your answer as to why the other guys weren’t trying to cheer him up. “You can be a real asshole, you know that, Murray?”

You took a step away.

“Shit! No, wait, come back,” Pat urged. “I’m sorry.”

His response caught you by surprise. Cautiously, you moved back to where you were and leaned on the bar. “Fine, but if you’re a dick to me again, I’m spitting in your beer.”

Pat gave you a small smile and pulled his glass closer to himself. “That’s fair.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“It’s nothing you probably haven’t heard already. I fucking suck at baseball.”

“Yeah, I may have heard that once or twice. Doesn’t mean it’s true.”

“Feels like it.”

You sighed and looked around. Things had slowed down somewhat so you poured yourself a rum and coke. “Then don’t think about it.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, do something other than baseball. Take your mind off it. What do you do when you’re not playing?”

“Usually working, or school.”

You waited for him to go on. When he didn’t you asked, “Really? That’s it?”

He shrugged. 

“No wonder you’re so fucking tightly wound!”

“No, I’m not.”

“Yes, you fucking are. Find a hobby, Murray. Something not baseball or sports-related. You need something to take your mind off things.”

“He needs to get laid,” Vinnie interjected. It seemed the guys had taken notice of your conversation.

You gestured in agreement. “See? That works too.”

“I don’t think getting laid will help,” Pat said.

“You’d be surprised.”

“Not that you’d know, sis. You haven’t been with anyone in years,” Vinnie teased.

“Just because I don’t have a boyfriend doesn’t mean I don’t have sex.”

“That’s true,” Garvey said. “Statistically speaking, more people engage in sex than serious relationships.”

“Oh really, Garv?” Dells smirked. “Where did you hear that?”

“I read it somewhere.”

“Sure you did,” Ty said. 

As he, Dells, and Vinnie teased Garvey, Maz turned his attention to you and Pat.

“Joking aside, she’s right,” he said. “Pat, you should find something to do outside of baseball. It’ll help.”

“I get that, I really do,” he told you both. “It’s just easier said than done.”

“Doesn’t have to be anything big,” Maz offered. “Start small, like video games or something.”

“I play video games, almost everyone does,” Pat said. “It’s just…” He didn’t finish his sentence but you knew what he was going to say.

“Doesn’t interest you anymore?” you supply.

Pat nodded. You knew that feeling all too well. You and Maz exchanged twin worried looks.

“Well,” you said. “You don’t have to come up with something right away. Start trying stuff. You never know what you might like.”

“More good advice,” Maz agreed. “I’ll help you find something.”

“See, Murray, things will get better,” you assured him. “Save some brooding for the rest of us.”

Pat smiled wider, ducking his head. “Thanks, guys.”

He seemed to perk up after that. You were called to the other end of the bar again so you had to step away from a bit. Even still, you glanced their way from time to time to check on them. 

Pat was more engaged than before, actually talking to his friends and even laughing.

Not that you noticed.

Eventually, they closed out the tab and one by one started to go home. You were busy cleaning and pouring drinks that you didn’t have a chance to give them a proper goodbye.

When you finally had time to breathe, you turned around to find Pat still there, alone.

“Hey, did you need something else?” you asked, gathering the guys’ plates and putting them in the dish bucket under the counter.

Pat fidgeted. “Yeah, actually. I wanted to say sorry.”

“You already did.”

“No, for the other day. In the car. You were being nice and I was an asshole. I’m sorry.”

Truth be told, you hadn’t expected him to bring it up. It was nice of him.

You smiled and poured him another beer. “Apology accepted. You wanna start over?”

He took the drink and smiled softly. “Yes please.”

“Hi, Pat.”

He greeted you by your first name, still smiling. “It’s nice to see you again.”

You picked up the last of your rum and coke and clinked your glass against his in a toast. Pat downed half his beer in one go before easing himself off the stool. 

“I should get going,” he said, pulling out his wallet. The tab had already been paid for so you knew he was going to try to pay for the beer you gave him.

You reached out to stop him. “This one’s on me.”

His hazel eyes were filled with confusion. “But you told Vinnie—" 

“Just accept the fucking drink, Murray.”

There were a few seconds of silence before he put his wallet away and lowered himself back onto the stool. “Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it.”

He drank his beer in silence while you wiped down the bar. “So, what do you do for fun?” he asked after some time had passed.

“Why? You asking me out?”

“What?! No! God no, I was just asking because of earlier…” He glared as you started to smirk. “And you’re fucking with me.”

“You make it so easy!” you laugh, pouring yourself a regular coke this time. “You should have seen your face. Also, fuck you for the ‘God no’ comment.”

“I didn’t mean it that way. I only meant that you’re my friend’s sister and I’m not hitting on you.”

“Cuz I’m not hot or cuz of the sister thing?”

“I never said you weren’t…you’re twisting my words around!”

“So you do think I’m hot?”

Pat sat fuming, long fingers locked around his empty beer glass. “Stop messing with me and answer the fucking question.”

“I do a lot of things,” you said. “Reading, some writing, some art, some sports…whatever I feel like. Whatever interests me. And if nothing interests me at the moment, I watch Netflix and gorge myself on snacks.”

Pat studied you for a moment. “Huh…” he muttered.

“What?”

“I think this is the longest conversation we’ve ever had.”

“Bored of me already, Murray?”

“Surprisingly, no.”

“Thanks…I think.”

Pat stayed for the rest of the night. You couldn’t talk to him the whole time since you got busy again, but every now and then you’d silently refill his beer as you walked past. By the time your shift was over, your feet were killing you.

“Can I walk you to your car?” Pat offered as you removed your apron.

“Did you hang around just because you needed a ride again?”

He rolled his eyes. “No. I drove.”

“Then yes, you can walk me to my car.”

The night was mercifully cool and you couldn’t help but take a deep breath of fresh air. Pat shoved his hands in his pockets as you walked together, so close your shoulders almost touched. 

There was a comfort you hadn’t felt around him last time. Maybe part of it was because you knew him a little better now, or maybe it was something else. Either way, you kind of liked it.

When you reached your car, you turned around to face him. “Well, Murray, it’s been an interesting interaction, as always.”

“Are you going to be at the game tomorrow?”

“Yup. Cheering my brother on as always.”

“See you tomorrow then.” He opened the door for you which made you quirk an eyebrow. “Oh don’t read too much into it. I’m just being nice.”

You laughed as you climbed into the car. “Goodnight to you too, Pat.”

He took a few steps back as you started the engine. With a half-smile and a wave, he headed to his car. You followed his retreating back with your eyes, curious and amused. 

You were halfway home when you realized, he never answered whether or not he thought you were hot.

[arsonforcharlie]

Get to know me uncomfortably well: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100

jesus christ

put under a cut because i want to make absolutely sure nobody reads this massive amount of information and also did you ask for EVERY NUMBER EXCEPT 69

1. What is you middle name?

marie

2. How old are you?

28

3. When is your birthday?

november 9 and i bet you didn’t even get me a present, you absolute monster

4. What is your zodiac sign?

scorpio

5. What is your favorite color?

i like jewel tones in general, my fave right now is dark green

6. What’s your lucky number?

i don’t really have one, tbh

7. Do you have any pets?

i do not, unfortunately. i hope to at some point soonish but a lot of that is gonna depend on how my situation shakes out

8. Where are you from?

st. john’s, newfoundland

9. How tall are you?

5′4″

10. What shoe size are you?

9

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

i’m not getting up but like 7? i need to get a new pair for working in and i will be getting rid of the ones i don’t wear so that number is in flux

already answered 12

13. What talents do you have?

none, really. but i’m alright at knitting and generally, like, figuring out how physical objects work and go together. my friends also tens to enjoy the games i run so that’s nice.

14. Are you psychic in any way?

bitch read my mind and find out

15. Favorite song?

i cannot express how impossible it is for me to pick ONE FUCKING SONG that’s my favorite. here’s 5 i always go back to, though!

my tyrant- felix hagan and the family

northbound- grace petrie

staring at the sun- mika

too much- carly rae jepsen

vampire money- my chemical romance

already answered 16

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

well there’s the mushy option in which i name names, but i resolutely refuse to do that since i’ve been informed nobody cares about how queer i am. but generally, i tend towards people i can feel comfortable around. despite me being a huge slut for interacting with people, there’s very few that project the kind of atmosphere that lets me really just chill and start thinking about trusting them.

18. Do you want children?

jesus no don’t put me in charge of a child

19. Do you want a church wedding?

jesus no, even the wedding part of that sounds less than ideal

20. Are you religious?

lmao nah

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

yeah, a few times

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?

well i have a background check going through right now that’ll answer that for me but i think i have not ever been caught for my many crimes

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

a few- i met russell crowe on a set once, and there’s a good few smaller time canadians i’ve met just, like, around

24. Baths or showers?

i usually go for showers because i am living in a place with an insufficient bathtub setup, but i have been known to enjoy a nice bath now and again

25. What color socks are you wearing?

bold of you to assume i put on socks when i’m not going out

26. Have you ever been famous?

bitch i’m famous now everyone else just doesn’t know it yet

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?

probably not, i like the act of grocery shopping and going to shitty bars and disappearing, and i couldn’t do that if i was a proper celebrity

28. What type of music do you like?

loud and i can imagine myself being in a cool music video when i walk places listening to it

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

well yeah obv

already answered 30

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

usually on my side curled up around something, either a person if i’m lucky or a pillow

32. How big is your house?

the apartment is not big enough atm

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

i don’t usually eat breakfast at all tbh

34. Have you ever fired a gun?

no but i have held one once

35. Have you ever tried archery?

once in high school gym class. i did...... bad

36. Favorite clean word?

i like words that describe the way dragonfly wings look. diaphenous and iridescent and things.

37. Favorite swear word?

i’ve always been a fan of a good solid fuck, and you can quote me on that

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

two days, i think?

39. Do you have any scars?

yep

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

yeah but they were prolly goofing

41. Are you a good liar?

not under most circumstances

42. Are you a good judge of character?

no, but not in the usual way. i tend to assume people have a lot more hidden motives than they do. like, obviously you don’t want to be FRIENDS with me, you just are PRETENDING for SOME REASON

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

yeah, as a matter of fact, i can do them ALL AT ONCE

44. Do you have a strong accent?

most of the time no, but when i’m talking to people with a strong accent from back home mine slips back

already answered 45

46. What is your personality type?

while i rarely get consistent answers, i just took the myers-briggs again and got enfp so there’s something

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

i don’t own much that’s super expensive tbh, i’m broke as shit. my boots cost like 60 bucks and i stressed about that for ages

48. Can you curl your tongue?

yeah, i can do a lot with it

49. Are you an innie or an outie?

innie

50. Left or right handed?

right

51. Are you scared of spiders?

nah

52. Favorite food?

there’s so much food i love! i do have dumplings i am excited to eat tho

53. Favorite foreign food?

again, there’s so much! i am really craving a good currry today i guess?

54. Are you a clean or messy person?

a bit messy, especially with stuff that isn’t, like, a hygenic risk. if things are just out of place i don’t tend to register that as the same level of unclean as, like, food messes

55. Most used phrased?56. Most used word?

these two are ones my friends could probably answer more reliably than me. i do say i’m not a doctor tho

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?

not long, unless i’ve decided it’s a makeup day and i want to do something dumb and fancy

58. Do you have much of an ego?

i talk a big game, but not really, i’m pretty down on myself a lot

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

succ

60. Do you talk to yourself?

mmhmm- specifically, rehearsing conversations that will never happen

61. Do you sing to yourself?

sometimes, when i’m in a good mood

62. Are you a good singer?

absolutely not

63. Biggest Fear?

there’s a few, but i’d say the biggest one i’ve had the longest is a loss of identity of some sort. like, just not recognizing the people around me, that sort of thing. it’s gotten a bit intense recently due to events but yeah

64. Are you a gossip?

not really- like, i will gladly listen to your drama but i only really talk about it to other people if it actually affects me

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?

oof jesus, i tend to watch more shitty horror movies than anything else bc i’m hot trash

66. Do you like long or short hair?

both are fine on other people, but short hair is way better for me

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

just did a quiz and only got 40. i didn’t even remember all the ones i had been to so that’s cool. you guys have too many states anyway

68. Favorite school subject?

i was your standard weird queer kid who imprinted on my english teachers

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

nah

71. What makes you nervous?

so many things tbh

72. Are you scared of the dark?

nope

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

depends on the person and the mistake, really.

74. Are you ticklish?

fuck off

75. Have you ever started a rumor?

i don’t think so?

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

i’m a dungeon master, does that counts

77. Have you ever drank underage?

yeop

78. Have you ever done drugs?

yeop

79. Who was your first real crush?

my best friend in elementary school. i wanted her and i to get married to brothers so that we could live next door to each other and have sleepovers every night because i really liked sleeping next to her and doing her hair

hoo boy baby bobbie (i even knew lesbians as a kid! i grew up in such an accepting family! i have no excuse for being so repressed)

80. How many piercings do you have?

just one ear

81. Can you roll your Rs?“

not competently

82. How fast can you type?

pretty fast- i did take a test recently that came back at 68 wpm so my goal is now to get one word faster

83. How fast can you run?

fuck running

84. What color is your hair?

black with green bits, i post a lot of selfies, you know that

85. What color is your eyes?

grayish blue

86. What are you allergic to?

nothing that i know of. undefeated

87. Do you keep a journal?

i post on tumblr a lot

88. What do your parents do?

my mom works in communications- she used to work in politics but now she works for a non-profit because the staff of the party she worked for was, in her words, a “sack of vipers”

my dad was a journalist and a photographer. he was the editor for the paper back home for a long time, and then after that he did a lot of advocacy work for MS. he ran for office a few times. you know, like you do.

89. Do you like your age?

it’s alright. like, i got troubles but i accept that none of that is because i’m 28 and mostly just because i got myself into a dumb situation

90. What makes you angry?

mostly when people don’t seem to care about how their actions affect others. like, i can almost accept malice easier than a profit motive

91. Do you like your own name?

it’s not bad, and i haven’t really hit on any that i like more than bobbie

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

lmao nope

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

i want the child to be born to someone who is not me

94. What are you strengths?

not very many tbh i kinda suck as a human person. i am pretty good at compartmentalizing and staying kinda functional when shit goes down

95. What are your weaknesses?

all of them. specifically, i’m hard to motivate and i got depression

96. How did you get your name?

i was named after my grandmother

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

i know at least one was a criminal. i do have a kickass family crest and tartan tho

98. Do you have any scars?

they haven’t faded since i answered question 39

99. Color of your bedspread?

there’s a gray one and i have a blue weighted blanket i use sometimes

100. Color of your room?

the whole apartment is beige

[bbyboybrock--archived]

Serendipity (C.B) | Chapter 13

Summary: Serendipity: (n) the chance occurrence of events in a beneficial way

Popular youtuber Isabella Hart, known as Bella to her audience, bends over backwards to separate her youtube life from her private life. Known for her overall clean content and her bubbly attitude, Isabella has a wild side to her that only those inside the youtube community know about. When Bella meets Colby during one of the trap house parties she finally meets someone she can be her genuine self with. When trouble arises after their meeting, will Bella be able to hand the pressure or will she destroy her relationship with Colby as well as herself in the process. [This starts in 2018]

Written: 2019

Word Count: 3,065

Warnings: swearing and suicide

(I  put a **trigger warning** right before the triggering part of the chapter and **trigger warning over** at the end of that part so you can read around it)

Serendipity Masterlist

"Are you sure you don't want me to come with?" Colby asks for the millionth time.

My mother asked to meet with me. When I told Colby, he was worried that something would happen like last time and he wouldn't be there to protect me. After texting back with my mother she assured me that it was only going to be the two of us. She even suggested meeting at the diner we used to go to when I was little. I only agreed because of that. I have a lot of good family memories that don't include my father at the diner it brings me some comfort that this will go well.

"Babe, it's fine. Just come over in like two to three hours and we can hide from the world together." I reassure him.

The leak only happened three days ago. I've spent the past two days locked in my apartment. I refused to see or speak to anyone. Colby only partly obeyed my wished. He stayed at the house to give me my boundaries but he would still text and call me constantly to check on me. I needed a few days alone to try to process everything and I can't do that properly if Colby is cuddling with me all day; that would only make me forget about my problems.

"Okay, I'll come over soon. If you aren't there I'll let myself in and wait for you."

"That's fine. I'll see you later."

I open the familiar door to the diner. It looks the same as it did years ago. Suddenly, I'm nine years old again and my mother picked up my brothers and me early from school to take us to the doctor's office for check-ups. I spot my mother familiar brown hair. A small smile appears on my face. Maybe this the time will be different. As I walk closer to her I make sure to hide my smile.

"Hello, mother," I say as I sit down across from her. She looks up from her phone and her seemingly constant disappointed face does not disappear.

"Isabella, I can't stay long." She says as she puts her phone away.

"Then, why did you say to meet at a diner? We could have met at a Starbucks or—"

"We saw those pictures and videos of you." My mother says flatly. She barely makes eye contact and stares mostly at her cup of coffee before looking at me. No, it's more like she's looking through me.

"Y-you did? What do you mean by 'we'?"

"All of us, your cousin was the one to tell me. The entire family has seen them at this point. We also heard about you being fired from your management company. " What she doesn't say but I know she means that everyone has seen them including him.

"The situation is more complicated than you think. I didn't know about them being taken."

"Do you really think I would believe a single thing you've said after what you've put this family through?" Her eyebrows furrow but she speaks in a hushed voice.

"Excuse me?" My slightly raised voice only seems to anger her more. She gives me a look that warns me to be quiet.

"After you... spread those lies about what your father was doing to you, that damaged our family image."

"I didn't lie. They actually did happen. Why would I—why would anyone lie in detail about that?"

"I've read about girls like you who lie about things just to get attention or because something is wrong mentally. We gave you enough attention growing up so it must be the latter."

"I have never lied to you in my entire life." My voice is low but my voice is strong enough for her to hear the seriousness in my tone.

"So secretly moving out of the house on your 18th birthday and tell me you were going to be out with friends isn't lying?"

"I had to get out of there. I had to put myself first and leave before things got worse."

"I don't remember raising such a selfish whore."

That stung. I pause for a second trying to call myself down.

"I needed a way to numb the pain and block out what was happening at home. I couldn't talk to anyone and that's my fault. I didn't want Joey and Benji to be pulled out of the house and have their lives ripped apart. I didn't want you to have to lose all three of your kids as well as your husband. Even when I was going through all that I put you and my older brothers first. I should have told grandma or a teacher or anybody else."

"Stop fixating on the story you created in your head. Your father is a great man who would never lay his hand on any child, especially his own daughter."

"You know what mom, for your sake I've been dancing around this because I didn't want to cause you more pain than this information. But I'm going to say it because it is no longer healthy for me. He raped me, mom. Repeatedly for six years, dad raped me in my own bedroom at night when you were fast asleep. Before that, for as long as I could remember, he molested me almost daily. I know that you don't want to believe it and that's it hard to believe but it's true. He threatened me to avoid me from saying anything and when I finally got the courage to tell someone, you didn't believe me. You called me a liar and told everyone in the family that I was mentally unstable and told them not to believe me if I told them what was happening at home. Now you're going to sit here, in one of the places that I have so many happy memories, and do it all over again?" My mother looked taken aback by my words.

As she is about to open her mouth to reply the waitress comes over to the table and places a water cup in front of me. She looks between my mother and I. Maybe she could sense the tension between us and tried to defuse it. Maybe she's worried that we're just going to sit here and not order. I turn to her and nicely say we're fine. I turn back to my mother and see that her expression of shock and hurt have not left her face. The waitress leaves and my mother clears her throat and sits up straight.

"Don't call me that?" She says suddenly.

"Don't call you what?" I ask confused.

"Mom or mother or any other variation of the word."

"I don't—"

"When I asked you to meet with me, it was to tell you that you are no longer welcomed as a member of the family."

"Excuse me? You're kicking me out of the family?"

"You're behavior as of late has been unacceptable. Accusing Steven of such things was horrendous and traumatizing for all members of the family. To find out that you've been running around Los Angles like a slut and spreading your legs for any boy with a cute face and partying doing God knows what else is where we have to draw the line. Think about your brothers, who are actually in college trying to do something with their lives? Or your cousins? Your aunts and uncles? You think that just because you're rich enough to ruin your life you can ruin all of ours? We've had enough. You're dragging all of us down with you and tarnishing our family name in the process. I should have aborted you when I had the chance."

"I wish you had, not being born at all would probably have been better than being born into this shit show. Not that you'd care but do you know how many times I almost killed myself before I told you about what was happening? Or how much those thoughts multiplied when you told me that I was lying? Just to make things easier for everyone, I thought it would have been better to die."

"Maybe you should have, you would have saved everyone from going through all that you put us through." I stare at her in disbelief as she brushes off what she just said and reaches into her purse to grab her wallet. I quickly pull at mine and grab a $20 bill and a $50 bill. I slam the $20 bill on the table in front of her.

"No, no Lisa. You invited me out, the least I can do is pay for your coffee. Keep the change." I say flatly before getting up to leave. Before walking out of the diner I place the $50 bill in the tip jar. If they had to watch that loving family moment, they might as well get a tip from it.

When I walk out of the diner I'm visibly shaking. My face is dry and it's like my body is about to burst from all the pent up emotion. I try my best to keep it in because the last thing I need is for KeemStar talking about me having a mental breakdown in public. My head isn't even controlling my body anymore. I start walking and don't stop until I'm inside a small liquor store. I walk around mindlessly for a few seconds replaying the conversation in my head over and over again.

When I snap out of it I'm in the section with medical supplies. I eye a bottle of sleeping pills and hesitate before picking it up and walking to the counter. The woman at the counter scans my bottle not even paying attention to me. While she does that I quickly order an uber to take me home.

"Anything else?" She asked, probably wishing I don't so she can go back to doing whatever she was doing before.

"...Yeah, give me a bottle of vodka. I don't care which one." I say as I pull out my debit card. For the first time in my life, she doesn't ID me. She just looks at me for a second and then goes and gets a bottle from behind her before finishing ringing me up. Maybe her day is going just about as great as mine is and she doesn't care either.

When I walk out of the liquor store my Uber was already waiting for me. It isn't until I sit myself down into the car that I realized I bought. The rational part of my brain that usually tells me to stop doesn't. It agrees with the irrational me. Or maybe, the rational part of me is the one controlling me right now. My own mother agrees and mother knows best I guess.

**TRIGGER WARNING**

When I get into my apartment that's when all hell breaks loose. I close and lock the door and slide my back against it and cry and scream. Not only are the emotions I was holding from the conversation with my mother surfacing, but it feels like every single emotion I've ever felt is making an appearance too. I made up my mind in the car that I was going to go through with it. The whole time there was a little part of the rational side of me that kept thinking about Colby. I couldn't do this to him or anyone else the little family that I made with his friends over the past few months. But another part of me argues that I always put others before me my whole life, I deserve to put me first for once.

After calming myself down a bit I managed to get myself off the floor and placing the two bottles on the coffee table before getting a few things from my room. I walk out of my room and placed what I grabbed on the coffee table too. I wipe my tears and examine everything in front of me. I grabbed the notebook where I document everything about mine and Colby's relationship, a piece of paper, a pen, and an envelope. I can't make the biggest commitment of my life without letting Colby know how I feel and how none of this is his fault.

After pouring all my feelings and thoughts for Colby I scribble his name on the envelope and tuck it into the notebook. I took a few shots from the vodka bottle before tearfully taking small handfuls of the sleeping pills until the bottle was finished. I sat on the couch with the vodka bottle in one hand and my phone in the other. I continue to take sips; the taste seems to be numb to my mouth but still burns my throat as I force it down. I scroll through pictures of Colby that you have in your camera roll. I want his smiling face to be the last thing I see before I die. He's not going to be smiling when he finds out but this is how I want to remember him. As I scroll I see that Colby is calling me. Without thinking I answer the phone.

"Hello?" I say slowly.

"Hey babe, I'm walking up to your apartment right now. Are you home yet?" I can hear the happiness in Colby's voice as he speaks on the other end. Part of me starts to feel sad.

"Y-yeah." I choke out. I start crying more than I was before.

"How did it go with your mom?"

"Colby... I fucked up...I'm sorry... I made a mistake." I couldn't help but slur a bit. The tears are falling faster as I thinking about Colby finding me and my last memory of Colby won't be a happy one.

"What are you talking about? Are you drunk?"

Before I could say anything Colby suddenly appeared in front of me. I start crying harder, this wasn't supposed to happen. I didn't want him to see you like this. To make matters worse I feel myself slowly slipping. I'm going to die in Colby's arms and ruin his life.

"Hey, why are you crying? What happened?" Colby says as he takes the bottle out of my hand and tried to wipe my tears.

"Colby, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I cry out. My voice barely making it out of my throat.

"Speak up. I can't hear you and I want to help."

"Notebook..." Was all I could say while pointing behind him. I wanted him to get the notebook but I also wanted him to see the empty bottle next to it. I started slumping down on the couch. My eyelids were getting heavier with each passing second. This is not how this is supposed to go. I watch as Colby looks at me confused. He turns around and picks up the notebook. Before he turns back around he slowly picks up the pill bottle.

"Isabella... You didn't... Oh, fuck." I watch as Colby drops the notebook and pulls out his phone.

"I'm...s...sorry" I mumble out.

"Fuck! Izzy, don't close your eyes— Hello..." Everything drifts off into peaceful darkness.

**TRIGGER WARNING OVER**

****

I wake up to the sound of a constant beep. I open my eyes and quickly shut them due to the brightness of the room. I try to rub my eyes but both of my hands are tied to something. I open my eyes to see white, fluffy fabric around both of my wrist. For a second I'm confused but then everything comes back to me. The leak, my meeting with my mother, Colby coming to my apartment early— all of it came flooding back. I examine the room and see a familiar brown haired boy sitting this his head in his hands.

"Col...by..." I whisper out. My throat feels raw and I can barely talk. His head perks up and he stares at me for a second. I can see that his eyes are red and so are his cheeks. His face is still wet with tears. It breaks my heart that I did this to him.

"You scared the shit out of me." He says while walking over to me. He stares at me for a second before going in to hug me softly, not in the near body crushing like he always does. He hugs me as if he were to apply too much pressure I would break.

"I'm sorry."

"Stop worrying about me for a second. Listen, I don't have time before they realize that you're awake and they kick me out. I just don't want you to freak out but they might try to put you on a suicide watch and I wouldn't be able to see you for about 72 hours. I'm going to write my number on you because you are allowed to call me. You probably already know my number but just in case you get overwhelmed I'll write it for you. They're going to talk to you first to see if you need to stay." Even now when I've hurt him in probably the worst way possible, he's still taking care of me. I look at his face and see the stress from who knows how long he's been waiting for me written all over it.

"Colby—" I'm cut off by a nurse who walks in and tells Colby it's time to leave. I feel tears stream down my face. I can't cover my face or wipe my tears and now I have to let Colby see me like this again.

He said they wanted to talk. To evaluate me for now. I might be worse off if I had to stay here for 72 hours. When I saw Colby's face I instantly regretted what I did. The look on his face when he found me and the state that he was in, I instantly regretted my decision and I hated myself more for even doing it. I never wanted to hurt Colby. Somehow, at that moment, I thought that it would hurt Colby less if I left him a letter. As if a letter would make up for my lack of living. I would have given up on more than myself if I actually died. I would have given up on Colby, my friends, my education, everything I wanted for my life.

[itsclydebitches]

Are you still taking prompts?What about OzQrow in AU when Oz merged with Ozma in very,very young age (probably early childhood) and developed his skills very early, so he graduated Beacon at idk 14 years old and became headmaster at 18-20(when he still should be student but because of Ozma he wasn’t)and Qrow(as a student) met him at the beginning of his new career so they were at the exactly same age but not in the exactly same position?I know it’s crazy, but I really want that kind of story :p

Hey, anon! I started off with some semi-plot for this one before chucking it. Not good, not good. So you ended up with young headmaster worries instead? Hope that’s okay 💚

Updated to-be-filled prompt list is here 

Ozpin surveyed the materials on his desk with the same attention to detail he’d afford a new proposal. Or the latest budget report. He reached out to run his finger over the tip of a brush and tried to force down the rush of embarrassment that had inched up into his throat.

“Well, it looks like we won’t need the blush,” Qrow drawled. He snatched up Ozpin’s hand on his way around, fingers soft and curious. Ozpin stared.

“We shouldn’t,” he said.

“I graduated two days ago. Not a student anymore, Oz.”

“Nevertheless…”

Qrow sighed, untwining their hands. “Yeah, yeah. I hear you. Appearances and all that, yeah? Which is precisely why this is nothing more than a totally platonic makeup lesson between two dudes.”

Thank fucking dust—Ozpin needed to smile more. Qrow used that small victory to steer Oz into his chair, the mirror already set up and a reassuring stack of wipes waiting in case things went south. Qrow had laid out the entirety of his makeup collection alongside a pile of Ozpin’s favorite chocolates from the bakery all the way at the other goddamn end of Vale. It was the latter that Ozpin reached for and just like that the trip was worth it.

That was an image Qrow intended to commit to memory: Ozpin, chipmunk-cheeked with chocolate, glaring ferociously at his own reflection.

“I am nineteen years old,” he mumbled. “And I still. Have. Acne.”

“You and me both.” Qrow pulled the neck of his shirt down to reveal red shoulders. “Mine’s just easier to hide.”

“Bastard.”

It startled a laugh out of him. Ah, Ozpin cursing. Always a pleasure. The politics tied up in the huntsmen academies were ruthless; the kind of shit you only survived with a perfectly crafted persona to draw around you, like a public suit of armor. At least, that’s how Oz had once described it. Back straight, tone confident, a vocabulary that left no doubt about your intelligence. Keep a business card on you at all times, uphold the expected etiquette, over dress for every occasion… never let down your guard. That was another image tucked away: Ozpin shaking his suit jacket in Qrow’s face, one of the buttons coming loose in frustration and pinging off the far wall. Ozpin had watched it go… and Qrow had watched some light go out of his eyes. I would murder a man to wear sweats once in a while, he’d whispered. 

Qrow had bought him a pair and faked an email to Glynda about a sudden emergency off campus. After nearly half an hour of arguing, he’d successfully wrangled Ozpin into twenty-four hours of video games, crap TV, and yes, nothing more restrictive than an overly large pair of sweatpants. Headmaster Ozpin splayed out on his fancy couch, eating through a tub of ice cream with a single-minded devotion. Add it to the list.

“It’s not actually gonna make you look older,” Qrow cautioned. He rifled through his foundations, trying to find something that would match Ozpin’s lighter skin-tone.

Ozpin just shook his head. “My age is common knowledge and has been a point of contention since I took this position. No, it would be foolish of me to try and hide it. I merely wish to draw less attention to those aspects that seem… particularly juvenile.”

“And get the tabloids off your back. I hear you. It’s so stupid though. People break out well into adulthood, especially when they’ve got the weight of the fucking world stressing them out.” Qrow ran a cleaning wipe over Oz’s cheeks and followed it with a bit of light moisturizer. He tried to do that work himself, but Qrow gently nudged his hands away. They were the same age, but in radically different positions; he might have graduated, but there was still Ozpin’s image to consider—and Qrow was just smart enough to realize that none of this was really about him. Anyone would have been off limits until they’d gained some distance from their school years.

All of which was to say, he didn’t get to touch Oz much. Running his thumb across cheekbones was a gift Qrow wouldn’t easily give up.

Ozpin sighed, closing his eyes as Qrow massaged the circles beneath them. 

“Doing okay?”

“Always.”

“And that right there is your problem.” Nothing for it though. Qrow grabbed the small lineup and shook the first tube in Ozpin’s face. “Primer,” he said. “Helps everything go on smooth and keeps it there, even through a fight. Always start with this godsend.”

For some reason Ozpin winced—something so small Qrow would have missed it if he hadn’t been that close. It was gone in an instant though, replaced by someone intrigued by unfamiliar knowledge.

Qrow bit back his teasing. What a nerd.

“Concealer,” he said instead, showing off the bottle. “That’s your biggest friend. Apply, then blend. Make sure you actually blend it, Oz. You don’t want a goddamn tan line distracting everyone during a meeting. Or something. Whatever it is you headmaster-types do. Shut up, asshole, I’m not done. I’ve got a different concealer for those circles, if you want it. Then you’re gonna blot, wait for everything to set, use a bit of powder, and some finishing spray. Easy peasy.”

“Easy peasy?” Ozpin said. “Taking out a nest of grimm sounds easier!”

“Don’t be a drama queen. You’ll get used to it. Then it’ll just be a normal part of your routine. You’re not gonna convince me that slopping on concealer is harder than fitting yourself into those three piece suits.”

Ozpin’s lip tugged upwards. “Mine is not quite a three piece suit. That’s a distinctive style—”

“You’re proving my point here.”

A breath drifted across Qrow’s eyes, smelling faintly of the fruit they’d had at lunch. “You’re impossible. And the rest?”

Qrow cast his gaze over the numerous choices in eyeliner, eyeshadow, lipsticks, and glitter he’d collected over the years. “…I think we’ll work our way up to that.”

“Thank dust,” were Ozpin’s last words before Qrow bullied him into silence.

It really didn’t take very long, especially when Ozpin’s acne was comparatively mild and easily covered up.  Within minutes Qrow was looking at Oz, his Oz, just with a slightly pristine veneer. He both loved and hated it. This here was one more plate in that suit of armor…

…but it was also Oz wearing a little of him.

“I’m talented,” Qrow announced, sweeping aside so Ozpin could get a look at the new, totally post-pubescent him. “Pretty sure you’ve hit all the fucking milestones now, Oz. Acne gone? Check. Boring wardrobe? Check. A freaking cane of all things? We’ve had this discussion. Gotta admit though, dying your hair was a nice touch.”

In the mirror Ozpin blinked. He swung around, face glowing in the mid-morning light. One hand inched up to tug self-consciously at the edge of his hair.

“Dye?” Ozpin said, still staring blankly.

Qrow felt a stone dropping into the pit of his stomach. “Please don’t tell me I owe Summer fifty lien,” he whispered. “Don’t you dare, Oz. I don’t have that kind of money. No. No, stop laughing. How the hell can you have such a babyface and a full head of gray hair!”

Ozpin didn’t explain the how and wouldn’t until three years later when it was clear that the declarations of loyalty Qrow had given him did not just stem from the naivety of youth. And when it was clear that such loyalty was as personal as his touch implied.

That was then though. Now, Ozpin merely watched as someone rather special to him exaggerated his panic, trying to draw out another rare, genuine smile. Qrow threw his hands into the air and bemoaned selling his makeup collection, all in the name of holding off the wrath of a woman who always collected on her bets.

He looked joyous like that and Ozpin, still feeling the touch of Qrow’s fingers on his cheeks—not knowing that the man before him was doing exactly the same the—told himself to remember this moment, forever.

[callunavulgari]

Scrapbook 2019 | Pt. II

Reminder:

Normal font - Indifferent/Neutral Italicized font - Enjoyed bold font - Loved with an asterisk* - All time favorite (bracketed titles) - Re-watches/Re-reads strikethough - Disliked

Goals are: read one hundred books this year (on track, currently at 76), finish five video games (FIN), write something novel-length (not so much) and write something original (technically done? don’t know if I want to count a snippet that didn’t even hit 1k). These last two goals CAN be combined (I might try NaNo this year, so we will see).

Part I: January-July. 

MOVIES

August

American Graffiti

Toy Story 4

Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark

Aquaman

(Spirited Away)

The Grinch

Invader Zim: Enter the Florpus

John Wick

Alita: Battle Angel

(Jaws)

Jaws 2

The Dark Tower

September

(Avengers Endgame)

IT: Chapter 2

(Kull: The Conquerer)

(Lord of the Rings: Return of the King)

October

Lego Movie 2

Us

Roman Holiday

(Monster’s Inc)

(13 Ghosts)

Addams Family

November

The King

BOOKS

August

Red, White, and Royal Blue | Casey Mcquiston [Fin]

Nevernight | Jay Kristoff [Fin]

David Mogo, Godhunter | Suyi Davies Okungbowa [Fin]

League of Dragons | Naomi Novak [Fin]

The Magpie Lord | KJ Charles [Fin]

Witches of Lychford | Paul Cornell [Fin]

The Gunslinger | Stephen King

The Affair of the Mysterious Letter | Alexis Hall [Fin]

Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine | Gail Honeyman [Fin]

The Way of Kings | Brandon Sanderson

September

The Way of Kings | Brandon Sanderson [Fin]

The Gunslinger | Stephen King [Fin]

Educated | Tara Westover [Fin]

Middlegame | Seanan Mcguire [Fin]

Eye of the World | Robert Jordan

Harrow County Vol. 1 | Cullen Bunn [Fin]

Harrow County Vol. 2 | Cullen Bunn [Fin]

Harrow County Vol. 3 | Cullen Bunn [Fin]

Harrow County Vol. 4 | Cullen Bunn [Fin]

Harrow County Vol. 5 | Cullen Bunn [Fin]

Exhalation | Ted Chiang [Fin]

The Ten Thousand Doors of January | Alix Harrow** [Fin]

Through the Woods | Emily Carroll [Fin]

To Be Taught, If Fortunate | Becky Chambers** [Fin]

The Eye of the World | Robert Jordan [Fin]

Chilling Effect | Valerie Valdes [Fin]

October

We Are Where the Nightmares Go | C. Robert Cargill [Fin]

Horrorstor | Grady Hendrix [Fin]

Feedback | Mira Grant [Fin]

Ninth House | Leigh Bardugo [Fin] 

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo | Taylor Jenkins Reid [Fin]

Monster of Elendhaven | Jennifer Giesbrecht [Fin]

Mirrormask | Neil Gaiman [Fin]

The Darkest Part of the Forest | Holly Black [Fin]

We Set the Dark on Fire | Tehlor Kay Mejia [Fin]

November

The Gilded Wolves | Roshani Chokshi [Fin]

Words of Radiance | Brandon Sanderson 

PODCASTS

August

The Magnus Archive Eps 11-63

Alice Isn’t Dead Ep 5

September

The Magnus Archive Eps 64-94

The Adventure Zone | Episode 5

October

The Magnus Archive Eps 95-159**

Welcome to Night Vale

Alice Isn’t Dead Eps 6-10 + bonus episodes

TANIS Ep 1

The Penumbra Podcast

Zero Hours**

November

The Penumbra Podcast

The Magnus Archive Eps 160

TV SHOWS

August

Buzzfeed Unsolved: Supernatural

Another Life

She-Ra s3

Steven Universe s5

Glow s1

(Gravity Falls s2)

September

Carnival Row

Sherlock s4

Fruit’s Basket

October

Buzzfeed Unsolved: Supernatural s6

Leverage s1

Fruit’s Basket

November

Buzzfeed Unsolved: Supernatural s6

VIDEO GAMES

August

Witcher 3 DLC: Blood and Wine (40 hrs)

September

Control (20 hrs)

Monster Hunter World

Monster Hunter World: Icebourne

Link’s Awakening (23 hrs)

October

Monster Hunter World: Icebourne

Link’s Awakening (30 hrs) [Fin]

Assassin’s Creed: Origins (10 hours)

November

Assassin’s Creed: Origins (10 hours)

DELIGHTFUL FIC

August

In These Frozen and Silent Nights by beethechange | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | “You know me,” Shane says, “I love a good cabin. I’m a cabinhead.”“I’ll show you cabin head,” Ryan rebuts without thinking, and then he turns his face into the pillow to stifle a nervous snicker. “Oh shit, wait, that’s—”

Warm My Bones by blacktofade | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | 12k | Shane isn't meant to go into heat, but he does.

and only then we'll know if it was worth to become a ghost by Spooks | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | 8k | It has never been easy, convincing Shane of the existence of the supernatural. It doesn't become incredibly much easier once Ryan becomes a ghost himself.

#blessed by thehoyden | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | 9k | Of course Shane would rather not work; he’d like it to be like the good old days, and who wouldn’t? But a demon’s gotta eat, and he can’t even get a discount on his rent because it turns out it’s a lot harder to influence faceless companies with ominous dreams. Ergo: gainful employment at Buzzfeed.

i think i'm still turning out by the_tenerife_sea | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | 6k |  Shane is starting to think Ryan is using him for his baby, considering how much he’s already talked her up to all of their coworkers and friends.

never tell me the odds by Wildehack (tyleet) | Wolf 359 | Doug/Hera | 9k | “I tried Star Wars," he says, adjusting the phone under his neck, "and it was way underwhelming.”

Alien Reacharound by Edgelord (lostlikeme) | Invader Zim | Zadr | 3k | “You’re telling me the only way I can get back into my body is some kind of…” Dib gesticulates while he searches for the right words. “Alien reacharound?”

Find Me Somebody by raiining | Good Omens | Adam/Warlock | 11k | “You left me,” he said. “You both left me, for him. And I can’t even blame you, because I’d have left me for him too.”

flirting with fire by brawlite | Stranger Things | Harringrove | 6k | WIP | Steve's a cop, Billy's a firefighter. It's not a grudge, it's just a regular old small town rivalry.

and you're trying not to tell him by lymricks | Stranger Things | Harringrove | 4k | Whatever. They don’t talk, is the point, and Billy doesn’t need to finish all these big, deep, tragic sentences in his head. He needs to know if Harrington can’t swim.For lifeguard reasons. It’s his job, all right?

See Your Colors by lj_todd | The Dark Tower | Roland/Walter | 2k | The first time Roland laid eyes on Walter was the first time he saw color.

Straight Martinis by dreamfleet, mezmerize | Kingdom Hearts | Axel/Roxas | 5k | The obvious choice. (Or, cocktail parties are boring and hot waiters are fantastic distractions.)

September

gold, when you find me by mmtion | The Flash | Iris/Barry | 53k | It's not that Iris hates The Flash, per say - more that she hates writing about The Streak in a weekly, pun-heavy comic based on The Flash.

From friends to this by Ever-so-reylo (Ever_So_Reylo) | Star Wars | Reylo | 3.6k | Ben has never been good with words; Rey, it seems, doesn’t mind learning his language.

wear it well by sarcasticfishes | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Sara, Shane/Sara | 5k | “Are Ryan and I dating? Or— something?”Shane looks up from his paperback, an eyebrow raised. “Babe I think you’re asking the wrong person.”

never gets old by brawls (brawlite), ToAStranger | Stranger Things | Harringrove | 31k | WIP | Falling in love with a cam boy named KingSteve isn't the smartest thing Billy Hargrove has ever done, nor is it the most healthy -- but the good choice is rarely ever the fun choice, and Billy is all about living life fast and loose.

Gift Trapped by andavs | Teen Wolf | Sterek | 19k | There was a massive box, wrapped up prettily with red paper and a green bow, totally eclipsing the small Christmas tree Laura set up on his coffee table. The thudding heartbeat was coming from inside.

To the Sun by blacktofade | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane/Sara | 17k | Life is weird. Ten years after Unsolved ends, Shane’s married with a kid and Ryan accidentally bumps into him at a gas station in Illinois.

Tag Team by blacktofade | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane/Sara | 14k | Ryan participates in a charity date auction, much to his chagrin. Sara and Shane try to help.

October

only then i am human, only then i am clean by Macremae | EOS 10 | Ryan/Akmazian | 4k | There had never seemed to be a reason why everyone on station wanted to bang the living daylights out of Ryan. It was just... a thing. Space is black, stars are bright, and Ryan Dalias is attractive to literally everyone. The universe continues as normal.Except now it's laughing it's ass off, because turns out there was a reason after all.

(Almost Cool by blacktofade | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | 30k | While filming the Yuma Territorial Prison episode, Shane gets bitten by what he thinks is a bat. Spoiler alert: it's not.)

low lays the devil by Spooks (agonizer) | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | 19k | Keeping Ryan Bergara alive and safe is a full-time job, and Shane Madej has his work cut out for him.

Scratch by L1av | DBH | Hankcon | 71k | There's a virus killing androids. Hank and Connor are tasked with finding out what it is and why it's being made. When the virus is unwillingly uploaded into Connor's system, he learns there may be a desperate reason why androids want it. He can feel pain. And he likes it.

Ask a Compelling Question by TeamHPForever | The Magnus Archives | Martin/Jon Sims | 2k | “What are you thinking about?” Jon asks, his voice edged into a snap.Martin’s mouth opens and, entirely without his permission, words spill out. “I was thinking about what it would be like to kiss you.”

a clean break by Wildehack (tyleet) | The Magnus Archives | Georgie/Melanie | 1k | Georgie’s phone rings at work, and she almost doesn’t answer it.

ways to save the world by Wildehack (tyleet) | The Magnus Archives | Martin/Jonathan | 19k | “I left you,” Martin says softly.

Where Airy Voices Lead by Harvey_King (Delphi) | The Magnus Archives | Martin/Jon | 4k |  Five unsubstantiated encounters between Martin Blackwood and Jonathan Sims, and one that was captured on audio cassette.

the shape of your comfort, molded with care by ivelostmyspectacles | The Magnus Archives | Martin/Jon | 6k | “You didn’t like the sex, did you?”

Out Of His System by platoapproved | Raven Cycle | Noah/Ronan, Kavinsky/Ronan | 2k | Noah gives Ronan a quick and nasty handjob while dirty talking to him about Kavinsky, because that's what friends are for.

i'd bury diamonds just for you by desastrista | The Bright Sessions | Sam/Damien/Mark | 9k | Mark is photographing a band on tour, Sam is working at the AM, and Damien is still struggling to adjust to life without his abilities

strange bedfellows by spookykingdomstarlight | Star Wars | Finn/Kylo Ren | 4k | “Alas, the storm is come again! My best way is to creep under his gaberdine. There is no other shelter hereabouts. Misery acquaints a man with strange bedfellows. I will here shroud till the dregs of the storm be past.” - The Tempest, Act II, Scene II

The Denial Twist by beethechange | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | 35k | Or, the one where Shane and Ryan have some really weird dreams and perhaps, eventually, some sex.

November

The Sun Dog by ambiguously | Star Wars | Finn/Ren/Rey | 5k | Finn and Rey, with their semi-prisoner Kylo Ren, attempt to meet up with the Resistance on a planet that has been taken over by monsters.

DELIGHTFUL FANVIDS

August

billy hargrove | fairly local.

(Marvel) MCU || In The End

battle royale [iw + endgame]

Multifandom || Can i keep you?

roman godfrey | bad guy.

Mr. Sandman | Multifandom

September

Iron Man & Captain America || Legends Are Made

Quentin & Eliot || There's a door somewhere

glitter & gold [bungou stray dogs amv]

(Marvel) Thor | Worthy

MARVEL || What if the Storm Ends? (collab w/ djcprod)

Marvel || I'm Only Human

DISNEY'S Motivational Video

(SW) Darth Vader | The Good In You

(Marvel) Peter Parker | Legacy

MultiFandom || Way Down We Go [200K]

Marvel || Destruction

October

The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt [Geralt Of Rivia] Tribute

The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt Tribute ''Swallow Song" [HD]

►buzzfeed unsolved; GhostBusters™

👻 Buzzfeed Unsolved in Nutshell [IG edits]

👻buzzfeed unsolved; calling all the monsters

Dishonored GMV (Outsider tribute) - Dark Matter

Dishonored GMV Honor for all

Preacher ][ Play Dirty

【Assassin's Creed ｜Odyssey】Wires

👻 The Buzzfeed Unsolved Crack

👻 2 Unsolved 2 Crack

Pennywise | Toxic

2023 - Trailer (1917 Style)

Crowley Good Omens Cosplay Tik Tok Compilation

Joker

(Death Note) Yagami Light | The God of the New World

REYLO || WICKED GAME

Multi-Horror || Where is my mind?

November

MARVEL/DC - Runnin

THE WITCHER | MAIN TRAILER | NETFLIX

DELIGHTFUL MUSIC

August

It’s All Coming Back to Me Now - Celine Dion

Walk Through the Fire - Ruelle

Remember When - Bad Wolves

The High Road - Broken Bells

Hey Look Ma, I Made It - Panic! At the Disco

Season of the Witch - Lana del Rey

The Void - Muse

Dancing On My Own - Robyn

Lanterns Lit - Son Lux

Fire With Fire - AlicebanD

Hungover in the City of Dust - Autoheart

Everything I Need - Skylar Grey

Liquid Smooth - Mitski

Think - Kaleida

Swan Song - Dua Lipa

September

Eleventh Dimension - Julian Casablancas

Talk | Khalid

Interstellar soundtrack

Bird Song | Juniper Vale

For the Dancing and the Dreaming | Erutan

Paradise Valley | Honey and the Sting

My Hallelujah | Autoheart

Witchcraft | Vian Izak, Juniper Vale

Furthest Star | Dirt Poor Robins

October

Lots of ghost ambient music

The Ocean | Linnea Olsson

Play Dirty | Kevin McAllister

NFWMB | Hozier

Me and the Devil | Soap&Skin

Rhiannon | Fleetwood Mac

In the Woods Somewhere | Hozier

Wet Black Leaves (playlist)

The Cruel Prince

Pas De Deux - Michael Abels

Beach Walk - Michael Abels

I Got 5 On It (Tethered Mix) - Michael Abels

POSTED FIC

August

no more dreaming like a ghost | KH | Axel/Roxas | 813 words | He is in the kitchen, the stove top still warm under his thighs, and everything smells of cherries. The pie is cooling on the windowsill, the sun slanting in warm and buttery, and it is like a dream. A memory. A wish.

Cheers | DBH | Hankcon | 6,368 words | “Are you coming in or not?”Connor blinks, jerks his eyes up and away from those hands and-The bartender has blue eyes. They match the spinning LED at his temple perfectly.

September

N/A

October

bury a friend (try to wake up) | Stranger Things | Harringrove | 1,587 words | Steve digs up Billy’s body on a Tuesday.

won't be too soon 'til I say... goodnight moon | KH | Riku/Sora | 4,549 words |  The house was built in the fall of 1882.

you'll never know what hit you | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | 5,379 words | "C’mon, ghost,” Shane urges. “Make all my dreams come true. Fuck me up, fam.”

make this chaos count | EOS 10 | Ryan/Akmazian | 724 words | “You really should stop looking for me,” Akmazian tells him, fingers creeping across Ryan’s ribcage, mapping the architecture of his ribs.

eat you up whole | The Witcher | Geralt/Regis | 2,527 words | “How many mouthfuls do you think I could take from you before it had some effect?” Regis whispers, lips against his throat. Geralt can feel the pinprick of fangs. “Four? Six? Ten? More, even?”

forget the horror here | DBH | Hankcon | 4,390 words | “Hello,” the android says, it’s chest heaving, the gleam of its heart brighter, bluer than before.

summoning demons (and other bad first date ideas) | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | 3,868 words | “If I let you out of that circle,” Ryan says, slowly. “Are you going to eat me?”

Itch | The Magnus Archives | Martin Blackwood/Jonathan Sims | 1,440 words | The boneturner takes from him two ribs - one for him and one for Jon. 

the salt water sting | Dishonored | Corvo/Outsider | 2,163 words |  The ship wrecks several hundred miles off of the coast of Karnaca.

a skeleton of something more | SGA | Rodney/John | 3,072 words | “John?” he murmurs, still coasting on the pain. His head feels like it’s stuffed with cotton, if cotton were also made of glass.

in the woods somewhere | Teen Wolf | Derek/Stiles | 4,570 words | Stiles buys a house in Virginia.

Wake Up | The Magnus Archives | Martin/Jon | 550 words | “If you wake up,” Martin tells him, experimentally. “I won’t go through with it. You can tell me what a stupid idea it was, and we can laugh about it, and everything will be normal.”

Pas de Deux | KH | Axel/Roxas | 506 words | Roxas doesn’t remember what the sky looks like anymore.

try to wake up | Stranger Things | Harringrove | 1,226 words | They do not, in fact, bone down and praise Satan.

too late to come on home | LoZ | Gen | 1,391 words | “You look familiar,” the boy says in his strange, haunting voice. “Are you lost?”

patron saint of the lost causes | Harry Potter | Draco/Harry | 4,203 words | “Can’t you just, y’know,” he waves a hand and makes an obscene gesture, his cheeks flaring red. “Shag it out?”

wouldn't you like to see something strange? | Teen Wolf | Sterek | 1,571 words | “I’d say you make my heart pound, but well…” Stiles nods meaningfully to his chest, where if you look hard enough between the slots of his ribs, you can see the lump of muscle that once was his heart, pointedly not beating. “You know.”

the night is softly, sweetly calling | Teen Wolf | Sterek | 2,938 words | Here’s the thing that Stiles never tells the Hales: his mother was strange too.

Haunt | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | 1,486 words |  Ryan couldn’t remember a time when the world didn’t believe in ghosts.

bite my tongue, bide my time | PJO | Nico/Percy(/Annabeth) | 1,376 words | “What’s wrong with you?” Nico asks, cowering when Percy places a gentle kiss on his collarbone.

Bird Song | Raven Cycle | Ronan/Adam, Gen | 1,445 words | On a dreary Sunday in early January, Ronan dreams himself a pair of wings.

kiss me hard until you're done | Star Wars | Reylo | 3,082 words | He looks up at her from under heavy lids, dark hair sweeping forward to frame his face. “May I have this dance?”

beauty in the dissonance | Marvel | Tony/Loki | 1,411 words |  When Tony dies, it isn’t for forever.

like real people do | Stranger Things | Harringrove | 2,808 words |  “I’ve got the sight, man,” he says with a small shrug. “And look, I feel for you. You’re dead and I’m not, and that sucks, but unless you’re planning on doing something about it, I’d really appreciate it if you could stop feeling me up and let me get back to sleep.”

i'd rather drown in your ocean | Naruto | Itachi/Shisui | 1,630 words |  The Uchihas are an odd sort. Everyone says so.

catch your breath | The Bright Sessions | Mark/Damien/Sam | 2,588 words | Mark had never assumed in a million years that he would ever see Damien again. He hadn’t factored in zombies.

Nightmare | The Magnus Archives | Martin/Jonathan | 1,424 words | “All right,” he says, taking Jon’s still outstretched hand. “Let’s give the dream what it wants.”

dreaming of the crash | Gravity Falls | Mabel & Dipper | 484 words | When the end of the world comes, they’re under the bed.

don't we love it now? | Kingdom Hearts | Sora/Riku/Kairi | 1,784 words |  When Kairi is eleven years old, she gets lost in the woods.

all this, and love too, will ruin us | Star Wars | Reylo | 1,102 words |  Rey is awake to watch the sunrise

November

WIPS | UNPUBLISHED | ORIGINAL

August

N/A

September

N/A

October

Not October 8 | Wolf 359 | Hera & Jacobi | 652 words |  When they land on Earth, Hera spends a week in a box.

FANMIXES/GRAPHICS

August

N/A

September

[eponymous-rose]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E1 (Jan 16, 2018)

Tonight’s guests are Liam O’Brien, Taliesin Jaffe, Travis Willingham, and Laura Bailey!

There will be a new-season makeover for the Talks Machina intro video, coming soon (also illustrated by @wendydoodles).

Announcements: issue 4 of the comic to be released Jan 24, teaser poster for sale, definitely not changing the name of the show.

Full character artwork by @ornerine released! Everyone agrees that she was a great pick for the official artwork.

When asked for notes, Travis was really specific about Fjord’s bracers and dinged-up armor. He’s near 30 but “has lived a hard-earned 30 years”. “That red rope? I took it off of some curtains.”

Mollymauk’s official pronouns are he/him but Taliesin figures he would be chill with anything. His note? “I would like to cause cosplayers to have a nervous breakdown.” The pendant is very specific, as are a lot of the symbols. The robe is embroidered silk.

Travis did not realize Nott’s face was a mask at first. Liam requested that Nott’s ears be hidden away for Silhouette Watch, just to keep fans guessing.

Laura on Beau: “You can see how drunk she is based on those half-lidded eyes.” Brian: “I think people will finally understand that there’s a difference between Marisha and Keyleth this time around.”

Laura on Caleb: “Liam, look at that. He looks like he rolled in shit.” Liam had to request a messier look for the art three separate times. Frumpkin looks clean because he hangs out in a pocket dimension.

Laura points out the jewelry on Jester’s tail. Laura and Taliesin realize they both did the horn-to-ear decorative chain thing. Laura originally wanted bells on her horns and tail, but realized it would be a stealth concern. The freckles were Laura’s idea---originally the art was very elegant, and Laura requested more “cute and awkward”.

Travis on Yasha: “That is a bottle of trouble right there.” Brian is a little smug about knowing her backstory and hints that a lot of stuff on Yasha’s person has specific significance.

Travis rolled a natural 20 as the last roll of the last campaign... and the first roll of the new campaign. He also rolls a nat20 as the first die roll in the intro! (Everyone jokes that Taliesin had to roll it for him.)

@critrolestats is back! 215 gold spent in C1E1. Coin spent in C2E1? 4 silver.

Total damage to defeat Vecna: 1,890 damage. Total damage to defeat this week’s undead creature: 74 damage.

Last time Sam sang “I Will Always Love You” was in episode 55.

Laura edits all the thumbnails for the episodes. “The amount of Sam crotch happening in those group shots is so offensive.”

The shot in the opening credits that took the longest was the wind blowing. Brian: “Can we talk about Taliesin casting an actual spell in that opening?” Taliesin: “No, we can’t.”

Everyone likes the seating arrangement, but everyone was also so disoriented during the game that it was hard to even process the change.

Liam and Laura went for lunch together and tried only talking in their new accents. Everyone expects to take a few episodes to settle into the new accents.

Generally, everyone was trying to sit with new people, allowing for some seating based on the episode-zero interactions.

Mollymauk has barely changed from the version of the character Taliesin came up with as a backup for Percy after episode 68. “Percy is one aspect of my personality [...] I would love to play with this part of my reality a bit.” He originally wanted Molly to do a show about the Terrible Tinker of Tal’Dorei.

Laura brought Jester back from the one-shot she played with Kinda Funny because even back then she had a lot of ideas for the character.

Travis decided against a werewolf character because so many people were pushing for it that he felt like there wouldn’t be a surprise. He really wanted to cast a spell after five years without casting. He looked at eldritch knight and paladin, but liked the imagery associated with warlocks, and the Hexblade’s sentient weapon won him over.

Travis played his session zero intending to do a normal voice and he didn’t enjoy the experience at all, especially when Laura and Marisha had such distinctive voices. He did a recording session 48 hours before the game where he had to do a Texan accent and just decided to go for it.

Liam started thinking about Caleb’s accent a few months earlier when Matt talked a bit about the inspirations behind Wildemount.

Taliesin and Laura both wanted to play a lavender tiefling with a sickle sword and an eastern European accent, so they split it up. Taliesin felt like he couldn’t fast-talk as well until he got the Irish accent going. Laura picked the accent because she was especially comfortable with doing it naturally, which helps a lot with improv.

Liam points out that it’s going to take a few episodes for everyone to settle into character choices and stay consistent; things will probably shift for a while. Travis accidentally called Taliesin “Percy” (not in a character sense) right before the show started. It’s going to take a bit to get used to the change.

Travis really wants to dress up as Fjord and was thinking about that cosplay when he picked the race (but hints that there’s more info coming). He was looking at tabaxis and was like, “Do I really want to put a cat nose on?”

Liam knew he wanted to be a wizard for a while but hadn’t picked a race yet until he realized everyone else was going really outside-the-box, so he opted to go human.

Session zero game details: Jester was one failed saving throw away from death and Fjord saved her by giving up his healing potion. Caleb also almost died. More details will be forthcoming in-game, probably. (The sessions were not recorded.)

Sam and Liam decided to team up for their session zero a few months ago. Taliesin had the circus and invited anyone to join that session; Marisha considered but wound up switching. Travis and Laura already knew each other’s character backstories, so they found a way for them to intersect, and it made sense in-context for Marisha to join in.

Jester and Fjord have known each other about a week longer than they’ve known Beau, but they’re all pretty fresh acquaintances; not even close to a year.

Caleb and Nott have known each other for longer than the trio have: for months. Liam describes their relationship as “a very new friendship”.

The carnival troupe members were mainly Matt’s creation but there was a bit of back-and-forth with Taliesin in developing their relationships (and many were based on people they knew).

Fanart of the week!

Travis wants Fjord to talk to Nott and Caleb more. (”Can’t say why.”) Molly already doesn’t like Beau, but the tieflings want to chat with each other a lot more (Jester also wants to talk more with Nott). Liam points out that despite being the quietest, Caleb and Fjord have the highest charisma, so they might end up acting as the negotiators. Laura points out, in Jester’s voice, that some people might blunder in without realizing they have low charisma.

Laura likes organizing and keeping track of things, which is the main reason it bugs her to no longer be treasurer; she has no problem making bad decisions with money in the game, but not getting to write it down bothers him.

Mollymauk’s deck is an original creation of Taliesin’s, still in progress. He worked with his brothers (one makes games and one DMs) to start putting it together.

Laura got Taliesin an experimental fortune-telling deck for Christmas.

Liam and Sam were brainstorming, and Liam brought up goblin rogue as an idea alongside a bunch of other ideas, and Sam shrugged it off, then decided on it after all and proclaimed that Liam chose his character.

Travis is having some trouble removing the Grog-filter of what he wasn’t able to do at INT 6. Everyone’s still developing the way their characters work.

Both tieflings have humanoid legs rather than goat legs to make it easier on cosplayers. Laura points out that Jester is already pretty far over on the humanoid scale.

Everyone was most surprised by Sam’s accent. Travis was surprised at Taliesin’s shit-stirring right out of the gate, while Liam and Laura expected it. Liam wasn’t expecting Ashley to be so intense and creepy. Brian: “That’s a lot closer to how she is in real life. You cut her off on the 405...”

Travis picked the falchion just because he saw the picture while flipping through the PHB and it really spoke to him. He looked up a lot of pictures and found a stout and straight one with a curved, sharp tip, and really liked the look of it.

Jester’s deity hasn’t changed from the Kinda Funny one-shot.

“How does it feel to be starting in prison again?” Taliesin: “Feels like coming home.” Molly really doesn’t like cops. “He’s never going to keep his mouth shut.”

Frumpkin was the name of Liam’s cat when he was four. Travis is horribly allergic to cats in real life. Just at the thought of a cat, his nose started to tickle, and it was inevitable that Fjord would be allergic. He did have a cat growing up: “Once she slept on my face. I went to the hospital.”

The different accents and seating make it easier for Liam and Laura to keep from slipping into being twinnies. Liam points out that they’ll always be twinnies, and everyone immediately notices that they’re sitting exactly the same way.

Laura is offended by Sam’s lack of dice, especially with sneak attack damage. She’s told him he’s not allowed to touch any of the dice she’s already sorted. Liam promises to buy him a box of d6s.

Is Laura worried about being the only one with healing right now? “I’m not worried about it at all. I’m very good at healing. We’re safe. ...no, we’re fucked. I only have three spell slots.”

Liam won’t talk about why he picked transmutation, but he’s really excited to get into a support/tactician role as a spellcaster.

Talks Machina Becomes The Darkness on Alpha:

The group hasn’t really figured out battle tactics yet (apart from Laura knowing she should hang back after almost dying). Everyone’s really feeling the lack of a bard... and the lack of magic earrings.

The main reason Taliesin keeps going for Matt’s homebrew classes is because he played a lot of D&D as a kid and wants to do something new.

Everything stops when Laura points out that she and Liam are sitting the same way again.

Travis refuses again to answer why Fjord doesn’t have the half-orc tusks.

Liam is tasking himself to be a more responsible thinker at the table, less impulsive, because it suits Caleb’s character more. Travis feels like Fjord’s tactical potential is currently hampered by not really knowing the rest of the team yet. Liam: “I do promise to make real bad decisions, just in a different way.” Taliesin high-fives him for that one.

The minis were designed before the character art came out. Liam’s favorite mini of the new bunch is Nott.

Gilmore wasn’t a source of inspiration for Molly, but they have a lot in common. “They’re both characters who have spent time externalizing a lot of internal stuff.” The name came from the movie Lord Love a Duck, which Taliesin’s grandfather directed.

Everyone had to really strongly justify their character-building choices related to their backstory to Matt. Taliesin wanted a tenuous connection to the last campaign, but Matt nixed it. Liam feels like he got to do exactly what he wanted to do.

Everyone feels like Laura and Liam were the most prepared. Liam says he was scared to death, but he thought Laura was right in the groove from the start. Each of them had a moment where the shock wore off enough to feel like they had a glimpse of what the rest of the campaign was going to be.

125,000 viewers on the new episode (on all platforms), which is way higher than it’s ever been. They’re very nervous knowing the numbers.

[river-phillips]

When the Bough Breaks | Solo

River sat crossed legged on her bed, two items sitting out in front of her on her crisp blankets. One was the note from Rye, which sat unfurled, silently instructing her to call her mom. It had been something she’d been contemplating doing for weeks now, some of her anger fading and being replaced by a need for the sort of comfort only her mother could give her. But nothing had really pushed her over the edge, not even her conversation with Iann about needing answers, until she’d gotten this note out of the blue.

The other item was her laptop, skype open full screen on it, her mouse pointer hovering over her mom’s contact. She hadn’t found the nerve to click yet, her stomach in knots inside of her, curling in on itself in a way that made her want to just crawl inside of herself and die rather than deal with what was making her feel this way. But a few deep breaths served to dull the discomfort, if only slightly. 

She’d meticulously cleaned her room, even the parts her mom wouldn’t see in the video call. Partially because she felt like her mom would just know something was amiss if the whole room wasn’t clean, and also she’d been using it as an excuse to put off calling for the past 2 hours, cleaning a bit, then noticing something out of place once she sat down, having to clean for another 20 minutes before sitting down again and continuing the cycle over and over. But everything was clean and organized now. She had no more excuses.

With another deep breath, she jabbed her finger into her trackpad and the familiar skype ringback tone played. With each ring that passed without her mom picking up, she slowly lost her nerve, until suddenly the ringing stopped, and she was face to face with her mom.

Both of them sat there for a moment, completely speechless at seeing one another on their screens. But River broke the silence first, a rare occurrence for her, especially around her outgoing mother.

“Hey ma. How are you?”

“I’m doing...okay. What about you, sweetie?”

River could tell her mom was picking her words carefully, as if tiptoeing around a sleeping bear that could wake up and maul her at any moment. After their last conversation, River couldn’t exactly blame her. She probably saw this as a second chance she was determined not to screw up.

“I’m good. I got a job at a gym and I’m rooming with a really cool dude. Look at this room!” She picked up the laptop and gave her mom a quick look around the space, glad she’d cleaned beforehand.

“That’s great, sweetheart! I’m glad you’re settling in.” The tone was clearly forced. Their last conversation she’d pled with her daughter to come home. She was anything but glad.

River plopped the laptop back in front of her on the bed. “Are you really?”

“...Of course.”

“Don’t lie to me, Ma.”

A beat. Her mom pushed a breath through her nose, hanging her head a little before looking back up at River on the screen. Their eyes didn’t meet, but it felt as if they were boring right into her. “I’m scared for you, River. I’ve wanted to call you for weeks, but I was....respecting your wishes.” 

River remembered the ultimatum and felt sick to her stomach with how cruel she’d been.

“Ma, I need to ask you some stuff, and I need you to be honest with me, okay?” She stared right into the webcam so her mom could feel the intensity through the screen. “I’m not giving up on this, we both know that, so keeping things from me is only going to make it harder for me to stay safe." She glanced down at the screen, where she saw her mom nod silently. 

“What do you know about Leeman Calloway?”

Her mom had clearly seen the question coming, and the hesitation was apparent as it rippled across her face. But as a ripple does, it dissipated quickly, and River settled in to listen as her mom started talking. 

“As you know, I met your parents young. They helped me out of a tough situation...” Head down, staring at her hands on the desk. She could hear her mom picking at her nails. River had picked up a lot of her bad habits from her.

“Your uncle was a scumbag. I remember.”

“Well, the way they helped me was teaching me their ways, and I got good at what we did. We stole from the rich and...”

“If you say ‘gave to the poor’ I’m gonna barf.”

A small chuckle erupted from her mom’s throat. “No, we weren’t so noble. We squandered what we took, looking for thrills everywhere we went. But when Tony was born in 1980, things changed. Eventually we ended up in Soapberry. And that’s where we met Leeman. He was a rich kid that wanted a taste for danger, and we gave him that, letting him in on heists and teaching him how to fight in the underground. In exchange, he helped us out of legal trouble whenever we slipped up, because your parents wanted to raise you kids in Soapberry around your own kind, so we couldn’t just flee like usual.” The words were still strained, as if being squeezed out of a stubborn tube of toothpaste. Clinging to the nozzle in an a desperate attempt to stay hidden.

“Why not stop stealing then?” River’s voice had a little more ire than she’d meant. She could tell this was hard for her mom, but she didn’t correct herself. 

“We had nothing when we arrived. Spent it all down to the last cent like a bunch of hooligans. We were desperate.” Her mom leaned back in her chair, a defeat written in neon lights on her face. “It was no excuse, I understand that. We should have earned it honestly. We could have probably avoided all of this. But your parents were popping kids out so fast and they wanted you to want for nothing. It was easier to stick to what we knew.” The regret in her voice was heavy, weighing down her words as if they were sinking to the ocean floor to drown. “They did stop though, eventually. After the twins were born, they finally ‘retired’. I guess you could call it that.”

A long pause, as if her mom was reluctant to continue.

“...but?”

“But a few years later, with the lifestyle they insisted on keeping, they ran out of money again. They were too proud to ask, but not too proud to take.”

Another pause. Whatever she was hiding, it was a painful memory that her mom had to drudge up from the deep.

“What did they take? From who?” River had a feeling she knew at least one of the answers.

“We’d been to Calloway’s house so many times. It was an easy target. They’d cased it and knew it like the back of their hands. Knew his schedule down to the minute. They thought they could get away with it.” River could see her mom grinding her teeth between her words. “I wish I’d known what they were planning. Maybe I could have stopped them.”

“What did they take?” River insisted again.

“A pocket watch worth a lot of money. They figured he was so rich he wouldn’t miss it. But he’d shown it to me before. It was priceless to Leeman. A family heirloom imbued with powerful magic. Apparently it held memories of his ancestors, but when your parents touched it, the spell...fucked up somehow. Everything was erased.” 

“Wait....wait, wait, wait, a pocket watch? It was like gold and clear so you could see the inner workings and shit?” River’s illustrated a turning gear with her hands enthusiastically, her eyes wide with realization. Her mom nodded. “I found that watch in his house! In a glass case in the basement!” She rubbed the back of her head, remembering the feeling of her skull colliding with the concrete floor when she’d touched it, along with all the pain it had caused before it was destroyed. 

“Don’t tell me you touched it.” Her mom’s chiding was almost comforting. Some semblance of normality in this bizarre conversation.

“....Maybe.”

“River Iris....” Her mom shook her head. “What happened? Are you okay?”

“Well, sorta. It made me....really angry. Violent even. I punched a friend so much her face looked like raw hamburger, sooooooo....” She hung her head a little. “But it also gave me a connection to him. I saw some of his memories, and I saw where he is now...kinda. It’s weird and hard to explain.” She held up a hand. “But it’s gone now. All the magic seemed to just like, drain out of it.”

“Wait, where he is now? You told me he was dead!” The same fear River had only heard over the phone last time they’d spoke was now staring at her through the computer screen, and seeing that sort of fear on her mom’s face was honestly one of the most unsettling things she’d ever seen. 

“Oops?” River shrugged, feigning innocence. “He faked his own death, apparently. And he looks like shit now, if that helps. Did not age gracefully.” But her jokes did nothing to calm her mom, so she put a hand on her chest, letting her face drop to a more serious expression. “Ma, listen, I know he scares you, but if I’m going to stop this, I have to find him. There’s no other way.”

Her mom looked as if she had something to say, but she let the words die on her lips, pursing them together and nodding.

River was desperate to move on though, her need for answers gnawing at her. “What I don’t get though is...if they stole the watch, how was it in the house again?”

When before her mom was heistant to speak, the words flowed freely out of her now, as if the need to supply River with as much knowledge as possible was suddenly her top priority. “He must have been setting you some emotional trap. Sneaky bastard. For a while everything was fine after they stole the watch. They sold the it off and were set for life, even with their crazy lifestyle. A year later you were born. Leeman was acting like everything was fine, though he was more distant. Don’t know if your parents realized, but I did.” At this she did pause, the hindsight in her eyes haunting to look at. “Then one day, your mother’s pelt was stolen, cut from her while she was sleeping. We all knew it was Leeman. Less than a week later, Victor was killed. Your parents tracked down the watch and tried to give it back to him, sneaking in and putting it back in the house. But it was too late...”

“...we were already cursed.” River could feel anger rising up in her, but she wasn’t even sure who to aim it toward anymore. It was just there, boiling under the surface. Her rage was too hot and confusing that it pushed any follow up questions she’d meant to ask out of her mind.

Her mom nodded. “That’s when they scattered you kids, and I got you.” A sad smile spread across the woman’s lips, and seeing that calmed River slightly. “Speaking of which, I’ve been thinking...you don’t have to call me mom anymore if it makes you uncomfortable. You can call me Jessica if you want.”

River’s brow furrowed, and she shook her head defiantly. “What?” Even if she was upset, felt betrayed, felt lost in this convoluted web of mistrust spun before she’d even been born, that thought had never crossed her mind. 

“No way. You raised me. You’re my mom.” 

[meggankathrynn-blog1]

Day 1: My room turned into a ocean. I swear I found fishes and sharks swarming into my lungs. Or maybe that was the remains of you trying not to escape but desperately needing to

Day 2: You weren’t at school today and I should’ve been happy, I was more sad

Day 3: I thought I was ready to move on, then I saw you with her.

Day 4: We haven’t spoken in days now. My mind thinks its being shoved off a cliff.

Day 5: I wish it would just hit the bottom

Day 6: This will be the first weekend we dont hang out. I know you’ll be seeing her and I know youll be smiling without me. I’m trying hard to learn how to too

Day 7: I asked you for help on a history assignment and you replied with “Ask someone else im busy”

Day 8: You posted a video with her on the only social media site you have. When I saw it I erupted. I spewed lava every where, oh god its every where

Day 9: My mum made me sleep next to her. she was afraid I would try and do something like I did 1 year ago when another guy tore up my heart. I actually had thought about it

Day 10: I slept in your sweatshirt one last time so i can feel myself engulfed in you. I know you wanted them back so I had to feel you and smell you one last time.

Day 11: I gave you all of your stuff back and you thought I looked like a warrior but really I went home and tried getting you out of my bloodstream

Day 12: when will my eyes stop flowing?

Day 13: I snuck out with a guy and smoked weed on his couch. He talked about love and how much it hurt. I only pictured you.

Day 14: I woke up next to that same boy and I woke up screaming. The boy was worried and confused but I knew why I screamed. I ran out of his house so fast you’d think Id be better at running from you.

Day 15: Its break and im with my best friend and your with her and i swear i can feel you tracing her spine the way you used to trace mine

Day 16: You said to leave you alone so I ignored you and it felt worse than the puking i did that night

Day 17: Im treading icy water while you’re swimming away from me, I guess I just hope you’ll loop around and find your way back to the shattered, but still there, us

Day 18: I don’t remember the sound of your voice I don’t remember the color of your eyes I don’t remember your the taste of your lips.

Day19: No amount of screaming gets your name out of my head

Day 20: I got on a plane today and when we took off I swear i almost walked to the door and started flying

Day 21: They say it takes 21 days fo break a habit but I think I just manage to fall more in love with a greedy monster

Day 22: I saw you today and had to pretend like I was okay and happy for you. Maybe eventually.

Day 23: Its still a new year and I'm starting to be more myself. i think im beginning to be over you

Day 24: Just kidding

Day 25: i think i understand now. when you first told me you loved me your mouth curled up on the edges, two days before you left when i gave my bare self to you your mouth was a straight line when saying i love you

Day 26: if you’re trying to kill me its working

Day 27: i woke up this morning to my blankets and pillows piled in a corner in my room. its something s ghost would do to make his presence known. im haunting myself. or maybe its the ghost of us tsking over my body

Day 28: its almost been 2 months since you told me it was never me. i almost texted you but i saw those old text messages and just got angry

Day 29: I hate that you act like you didnt break my heart. i hate that you think im fine that im not writing a shit poem sbout your shit personality

Day 30: thirty days since you’ve wanted me. thirty days since i told you i love you. thirty days since you’ve slipped from my fingers. i tried catching you. you’ve been gone far too long. thirty days is too long

Day 31: i had a nightmare last night about you. you told me you loved me and kissed my forehead. i woke up breathing heavily and shaking. i want you out of my life

Day 32: running on no sleep isn’t fun

Day 33: ive been awake for over 50 hours in fear that ill see you in my dreams again. i cant risk that. it hurts so much. get out of my head

Day 34: my mother told me that love will do this. that its cruel and torturous and breaks you into such little pieces not even yourself can pick up all the pieces. you know where they all are, please come back and pick them up

Day 35: i talked to another guy last night we stayed up late and he asked me questions about you. we were sober so it wasn’t easy spitting up vowels and similies and euphemisms explaining the empty feeling in my chest after you left

Day 36: fuck if i stopped seeing you everyday i swear id be over you.

Day 37: my body is still pulled towards yours like it always has been.

Day 38: you told me that you didn't like a lot of things about me. thats not what you said when we were trying not to get caught in the back of your car

Day 39: you told me you’d take me to prom and everyone is preparing. itll just be another day you promised to spend with me. its funny how our plans turned to dust in a matter of seconds after cleaning

Day 40: the thunderstorm of us was inside of you and maybe that why it felt so close. i keep counting the seconds between the boom and light hoping you arent moving away buy i fear that you are already letting others feel your storm. the plants you grew are dying. maybe you should come back to water them

Day 41: ten days since its been a month since you left. i cried at prom because all i could look for in the crowd was you.

Day 42: i got so drunk all i could see was your face. the guy i fucked kept telling me his name wasn’t yours. i just screamed and cried because you’re all i still think about despite your efforts to continue to push me away

Day 43: i should be getting high today but if i do ill just write more and think more about a guy who will never care

Day 44: i think im trying to gain feelings for someone else because it’ll make moving on from you easier. im afraid to write that it hasnt

Day 45: you traces my leg like you used to. it was like dandelion tea. it made my insides fill with happiness. you’re my yellow paint.

Day 46: Van Gogh used to eat yellow paint because he thought it would put happiness inside him. He would consume it everyday in the hopes that it would bring his sadness to rest despite the fact that it could kill him first. i gues you were my yellow paint emphasis on the were. see im not going to write about you anymore, because when i write you down im under the impression that you’ll stay with the words but you don’t. this is the last sentence I’ll ever write about you