#I uh. I have a whole playlist at this point | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jenscx · 3 months

Text

[03] tumblr girls — wonder

it was cliché; being in love with danielle marsh, the straightest girl on earth. you thought your feelings were hopeless, until you discover her tumblr blog.

just having experienced the best day of your life, you wake up to all sunshine and rainbows. literally nothing could deter your happy mood all day. the weekend had gone by in a blur, attributed to you only thinking about danielle. the mere fact that she listened to your playlist and thought it was great made you feel on cloud nine. a compliment! you received a compliment from danielle marsh! the most popular girl in school!

you sigh dreamily at the thought of her again. at this point, your sister, heejin grimaces at your love struck appearance. she waves her spoon at you, mouth stuffed with cereal, “why do you look like… that? and can you stop?”

even her comments couldn’t stop your train of glee.

“nope, i can’t stop,” you reply, literally unable to get rid of the smile on your face. even your cheekbones were starting to hurt.

heejin sighs, swallowing the mouthful of cereal before remarking, “did someone ask you on a date?”

you groan, “ugh, i wish but…”

honestly, there wasn’t a consequence in telling your sister, you were just afraid of the teasing you would receive.

“there’s this girl i have a crush on,” heejin instantly perks up, eyes gleaming with mirth, “shut up, she’s my partner for this project and she said my playlist was good.”

heejin visibly deflates.

“seriously? over something so small?”

you meekly reply, “it’s a lot coming from her! this is like, my first time talking to her and she complimented me!”

your sister nods, staring at you carefully.

“that’s true… but uh, is she,” heejin does a limp movement of the wrist, “y’know?”

“to be honest, i have no idea, but she gives off straight vibes. also i’ve never heard her be into girls, only guys.” despite this, your mood doesn’t change. as long as you were friends with danielle, that was enough. you wouldn’t need to date her specifically, just having her in your life was better than not knowing each other at all. she brought so much happiness and excitement into your dull life. minji and hanni were your best friends, but it always felt like they had each other. obviously not their fault, but it felt nice to have a friend outside of them.

“that’s, i guess, not devastating?” heejin offers unhelpfully. you nod, not minding her blunt words. danielle liking guys was a known fact. it only mattered if she likes girls too. maybe if she does, she wouldn’t even look at you as a potential partner. just a good friend.

that’s okay, you convince yourself. you can stay friends. it would make you happy too that danielle enjoyed your company. just not enough to date you.

“it’s okay though, i’m happy just being friends with her now. i like our friendship.”

heejin stands up from the table abruptly.

“i mean this with care and love,” she starts out, pity in her eyes but tone full of conviction, “you either stop being friends with her before you start to fully fall in love—”

your face falls, “no way.”

“or, you confess so you can move on.”

oh.

“i can’t do that, heejin,” you ramble, “our friendship’s in a really good place right now and if i confess it would mess everything up. what if she doesn’t want to be friends with a…” your voice trails off. heejin sighs, a hand reaching out to pat your shoulder sympathetically, “if what you’ve said about her is true, she wouldn’t mind staying friends.”

your mind tells you it’s true, but your heart says otherwise. having danielle in front of you, say that she doesn’t like you romantically, would crush your soul. at least admiring her from afar would let you imagine.

“you’re thinking too much about what ifs,” heejin explains, “you can’t just be wondering your whole life if that one girl you liked in high school was really into girls or not? you’re stuck thinking what if you had confessed? so what if in ten years she shows up with a girlfriend? would you be upset that you didn’t confess sooner?”

heejin’s right, but you can’t find it in yourself to bring up the courage to confess. it was too vulnerable. you didn’t want danielle to stare at you with disgust or anger that you liked her romantically. after all, it wasn’t as if you were friends. just project partners.

“i’ll… think about it.”

your sister nods, “your phone’s ringing by the way.”

as she walks away, you unlock your phone, the sight of danielle’s opened chat greets you.

danielle [7.36am]:

morning!!

u free tdy after sch?

jeon y/n [7.38am]:

i’ll have to check

but i think i’m free

danielle [7.38am]:

okay awesome!

let’s meet up

jeon y/n [7.39am]:

okay!

heejin’s words plague your mind again. you shake your head. now wasn’t the time to be thinking about such things. you had to go to school and survive hanni and minji first. you wonder what hanni had said to her best friend after the phone call. since you didn’t receive any angry texts about minji, it would be safe to assume they were fine for now.

maybe you should worry about your own love life before theirs though. a blank slate appears in your mind as you make your way to school.

you spot minji and hanni, bless them, waiting outside the gate, both looking annoyed and irritated. could they go a day without arguing? sighing, you walk towards them, bracing yourself for either one to lunge onto you and start complaining.

of course, as always, hanni does.

“y/n,” she whines, “minji’s being mean again.”

you raise an eyebrow at her tone.

“what did minji do?” did they not resolve anything over the weekend?

minji shrugs, “i didn’t do anything.”

this ticks hanni off, since she scoffs, “maybe you should reflect and think about your actions.”

“maybe you tell me what the hell i did wrong this time instead of acting like a brat.”

“i’ll act like a brat all right, c’mere you little shit—”

before hanni starts swinging, you drag both of them into the school, wincing at the numerous attempts of punches hanni throws.

“let’s get to class first, we’ll be late for mr lee’s lesson,” you hold your friends by the collar. minji nods while hanni swats your hand away. you sigh, massaging your temples. if your friends were going to act like this the whole day, it would bring you much suffering.

garnering some weird stares from people along the hallway, you finally make it to the classroom without hanni pouncing on minji. a sigh escapes you as you sit down, relieved of babysitting duties from them. their argument can still be heard but at least they won’t fight each other psychically here. probably not.

you’re seated, deep in thought, when someone comes up to you.

“hey,” danielle smiles bashfully. you stare at her, awestruck.

“hi.”

the girl laughs and murmurs shyly, “i wanted to thank you for both the coffee and the playlist, so…” you watch as she pulls out a lunchbox, an adorable my melody lunchbox.

“i made you gimbap,” she explains, placing the lunchbox on your desk and staring at you sheepishly, “my mum helped me out.”

you wonder if you can marry her right now.

“thank you,” you swallow, hoping your voice doesn’t come out strained, gratitude evident in your eyes as you smile, “really.”

“it’s no problem, i wanted to repay you…”

“i’ll eat it well,” you say earnestly. it’s just a strange thing to say but since danielle giggles, you think it’s worth it.

“i hope it’s to your liking. see you later, y/n.” you like how your name sounds rolling off danielle’s tongue, in her sweet honey voice.

you take the lunchbox in your hands carefully, gently placing it in your bag as danielle retreats back to her seat.

hanni and minji both eye you, their fight long forgotten as hanni whispers loudly, “what the hell was that?”

your hands tremble as you retrieve your pencil case from your bag, trying to act as nonchalant as possible, “she’s being nice.”

“of course she is, but she made food for you? and you made a playlist for her? is that not the most obvious declaration of love like, ever?” hanni stresses.

minji frowns, “i don’t think that’s a declaration of love but yeah, she had this weird look in her eyes.”

“huh?”

your friend hesitates, you don’t miss the quick glance towards hanni who’s eagerly anticipating the answer, “like, longing. you get what i mean?”

hanni nods vigorously, “agreed. she was staring hard.”

you laugh, pushing down the feelings of happiness and delight, “that’s just how she looks. she always has that look.”

“oh girl… whatever you wanna believe,” hanni smiles, but it looks more like a grimace. you twirl your pen around your fingers, wondering about how it would feel to actually be the subject of danielle’s love. if receiving gimbap from her already made you feel this way, how would it feel to be her constant muse? you sigh, not even noticing the subtle glances she sends your way from in front.

you don’t notice mr lee coming in either, a grin on his face as he announces, “i’ll give you guys some time to continue with the project and ask any questions.”

your face heats up at the thought of spending more time with danielle, who turns her head sharply to wink at you. your cheeks burn even more.

a few moments of silence pass before the class erupts into noise, most people shifting their seats to find their partner. you eagerly wait for danielle to come over, seeing as how her seat had been taken up by someone else. pulling a chair from an empty desk, you slide it towards your own, keeping a respectful distance between the two. however, danielle seems to have other plans as she shifts it closer, completely disregarding your need for space in the best way possible.

“we already finished half of it,” danielle says cheerfully, “it’s just the portion of experimenting now.”

your face blanches.

“experimenting?” you repeat. what the hell did danielle think of?

her face morphs into one of amusement, eyes twinkling with merriment, “y’know, finding out how humans actually feel attraction, and what better way than to experience it ourselves?”

“you’re joking,” you blurt out.

danielle responds by pouting, “i’m really not. have you heard of the study by that one psychologist, was it thirty six questions to fall in love?”

“psychologist doctor arthur aron, formulated in 1977, a study consisting of thirty six questions to ask to fall in love,” you recite instantly. danielle’s face lights up.

“so you do know! since it was intended to speed up the creation of intimacy between two strangers, wouldn’t it serve as a helpful experiment to carry out for our project on human attraction?”

you sigh, “and where are we going to find willing lab rats for this experiment?”

danielle’s gaze shifts over ever so slightly, her eyes crinkling into a smile as she whispers, “them.”

your head turns.

kim minji and pham hanni, with their separate partners, yet both seated near each other.

“you’re a genius.”

“gosh, haerin i said i’ll be fine,” danielle shrieks, trying to rid the girl following her, “you should go find hyein or something!”

her best friend, understandably, offended, retorts, “you forgot we have practice today. that’s what i’ve been wanting to tell you.”

the brunette’s quick footsteps come to a halt. she turns to haerin with widened eyes, her mouth agape. haerin only huffs and reaches out a hand to push her jaw back in place, “i wasn’t trying to crash your date with y/n, or whatever, not that i like the idea of it.”

“it’s not a date, we’re doing our project,” danielle defends, yet the redness residing in her cheeks gives away her true feelings. haerin stares at her blankly.

“sure, i still can’t believe you got injured during a game because she waved at you—”

danielle rushes to cover haerin’s mouth with her hand, exclaiming, “you talk too much!”

haerin points to herself with an incredulous look since who the hell has ever said she talks too much? it’s always that she talks too little. haerin wonders if her best friend is going crazy.

“so what are you going to do about y/n? are you going to make her wait?” haerin pulls on danielle’s bag strap. the girl visibly saddens, “i mean, cheer’s gonna be until four, would she be willing to wait till then? and i don’t wanna tell her over text or something, what if she thinks i’m ditching her…”

“i’ll tell her for you,” haerin finally says. danielle turns to her, surprise evident in her eyes. haerin adds on, “if you buy me that jellycat keychain, i’ll go find y/n and convince her to wait. we have the same lesson next period.”

danielle beams, throwing her arms over haerin and squeezing her tight as she mutters words of gratitude and thanks. haerin only brushes her off, the lingering thought of the jellycat keychain pursuing her mind endlessly. while danielle prances off to her next class, haerin makes her way to her own. she peeks in, already spotting you engrossed in reading a book. despite the chaos of students chattering around you, haerin finds it intriguing that you manage to stay focused throughout.

she walks to your desk, her hand reaching out to grasp the book. understandably, your head snaps upwards in shock, eyes widened as you fumble for your book. haerin reads the cover title, the handmaid’s tale, by margaret atwood.

“uhm,” you mutter unintelligibly, “can i have my book back?”

the girl only stares at you with round piercing eyes.

“we have cheer practice today.”

you frown.

“okay?”

“we end at four.”

“uh, good for you,” you reply, unsure of what the cat-eyed girl was trying to imply. her vague words didn’t help either.

“danielle is only available after,” haerin says, exasperated and shocked you were that dense. could you not pick up on her cues?

you finally make a face of recognition (she thinks you look stupid), “oh, so are you her messenger pigeon…?”

“she wants to ask you if you’re willing to wait for her.”

“okay, tell her i’ll wait, or i can stay to watch her practice,” you reply, reaching out to retrieve your book. haerin allows it and goes to her seat, which is further back. a perfect place to learn what makes danielle so entranced with you. what an interesting character. she observes you with sharp eyes, noting down every characteristic you had.

you seemed to like reading, which was honestly surprising considering most people nowadays don’t even pick up a singular book their whole life. you also seemed pretty quiet, which haerin approved of. she hated loud people, talkative people were fine, which is why she likes danielle, but she just can’t stand loud, obnoxious people. maybe you were the same as well. and perhaps your face wasn’t bad to look at.

huh.

haerin smiles to herself. even though you had basically caused the cheerleading team’s flyer to be injured (she still doesn’t forgive you, or danielle for that), maybe you would be good for her best friend.

you stare blankly at the pages filled with words, nothing entering your head. your mind was constantly rewinding the interaction with haerin. did danielle ask her to tell you personally? why didn’t she just text you? and why did you blurt out that haerin was a messenger pigeon? the narrowed glare you received was only a testament of how awful you answered. what if that soured danielle’s impression of you? would haerin even report such an incident to her best friend? questions raced through your mind, all unanswered and eager. unaware of the staring eyes, you only close the book with a sigh. at this rate, you wouldn’t be able to digest any information.

sucks that you have calculus now. you wish you could just become a full-time humanities student, that way you wouldn’t have to deal with any science or mathematics subjects. forcing yourself to focus, you widen your eyes and gaze harshly at the whiteboard as the teacher strolls in.

you immediately lose moral when you see the stack of worksheets in her arms.

“we’re having a pop quiz today, everyone please get ready.”

haerin watches as you groan audibly.

your cheeks are stuffed with the delicious gimbap danielle had made. the lunchbox rests carefully on your thighs as you watch the cheerleaders assemble on the field. eyes instantly flickering to find the curly waves of brown hair, you finally land on danielle who looks super excited and happy.

warmth simmers in your stomach as you watch danielle converse with haerin animatedly, her hands moving in grand gestures to express her feelings. your eyes trail onto haerin’s blank features, no doubt zoning out at whatever danielle was saying. or maybe that was her listening face. you honestly had no clue. sometimes your eyes wander to the rest of the team, but you really don’t have any connection to them. gong yubin, lee jiwoo, kim jiwoo… and two other faces you recognised, yet didn’t know the names of. the rest you don’t think are in your grade.

you don’t notice the lingering gaze of one cheerleader while deep in thought. it’s only when you go for a second gimbap, you make eye contact with danielle.

hi. she mouths.

hi. you mouth back, along with a small but awkward wave. danielle’s hand flies up to cover her smile. you can tell she’s giggling, and the thought of having experienced hearing such a blessed sound makes your heart constrict with longing to hear it once more.

eventually, the cheerleading coach comes and you have to break eye contact with danielle. honestly, the saddest thing you’ve ever done in your life. you turn your attention to the unfinished google doc displayed on the screen. the laptop is danielle’s and she had so kindly lent it to you. you had agreed to brush up on the research and finer details before exploring the experiment and danielle instructed you to finish it on her laptop.

you heave a sigh as you start typing about human attraction or whatever. the only human attraction you experienced was towards danielle, and you can’t really write a paper on how beautiful she looks, how she's the sweetest girl alive, how you only come to school to see her every day. well, it wouldn’t be considered an essay, just a love letter. your eyes unconsciously search for danielle in the sea of blue uniforms. her hair was now tied back in a high ponytail, a bright white bow attached behind. you watch as she stretches, red blooming on your cheeks as you follow the movements of her hand from her ankles, trailing up the long, pale expanse of her leg.

stop it, you remind yourself. you were here for a reason, not just to gawk at danielle. as she turns her head up, her hazel eyes meet yours, eyelashes fluttering while she continues staring. you swallow the lump in your throat. the tips of her lips itched upwards, as if she knew you were looking. in your haste to do anything but stare back, you whip your head towards the laptop, fingers quickly running all over the keyboard.

it’s only when your thumb hits a random key that the google document closes. you frown, attempting to open it back up. yet, a separate tab opens and you’re left shocked.

danielle marsh is a tumblr user.

you stare blankly at the blog, sunshinesza.

what the hell?

despite the very obvious moral choice here, you click on the blog itself. the profile picture is just a cute drawn rabbit and her header was a picture of a bouquet of flowers. pink tulips, to be exact. her name was still jihye on tumblr, but perhaps since there were a lot of people named jihye, it wasn’t exposing her too much. it felt so wrong to continue scrolling. yet, you couldn’t help yourself. this was an extremely private part of danielle and you were directly invading her privacy. most of her posts were just her ranting about school or cheerleading practice. some of them included photos of her cooking. the gimbap in your mouth only served as a reminder to her skills in the kitchen.

the cursor pauses at a post.

sorry guys, i have to ask, is it weird if i like a girl rn? my bff keeps making fun of me :( she’s just my partner in a project but i’ve liked her since middle school. idk if she’s into girls, she doesn’t really interact with guys either tho. it was my first time hanging out with her a few days ago. she’s so charming and cool that i can’t help but want to continue spending time with her. but what if she doesn’t want to hang out with me after the project’s done? i love and hate that she’s so hard-working and efficient since it’ll make our time shorter. sometimes she does things that make me feel deluded and i can’t really tell if she’s being fr… maybe i’m gg crazy.

you wonder if you’re going crazy.

masterlist | next

#tumblr girls ft. mjh #newjeans x reader #newjeans #danielle marsh x reader #danielle x reader #mo jihye x reader #jihye x reader

237 notes · View notes

kutyozh · 4 months

Text

not only langblr music resources

people irl often ask me where the heck i find the music i listen to, so i figured i might as well make a handy resource masterpost!

Radio Garden: Listen to radio stations all over the world. You can save your favourite stations, explore radio playlists, and search for stations in specific countries or cities. Love this one.

You can download the app (android and apple) or listen via your preferred browser.

Radiooooo: Lets you choose a country, a decade, and a 'genre' (slow, fast, or weird) to listen to.

You can download the app (android and apple) or listen via your preferred browser.

Every Noise At Once: Sounds overwhelming - and tbh it can be. For this reason I personally prefer to look at 'Genres by Country', although there are many other interesting playlists to look at, such as 'We Built This City On' or 'The Sounds of Places'. You can find more if you scroll all the way to the bottom.

Unfortunately, due to the layoff of the creator of this site, some features are not available anymore.

This website is entirely based on Spotify.

Charts: Charts can be tricky if you're looking for music in a specific language due to the insufferable dominance of music in english in uh a lot of countries. It is nevertheless worth checking them out. Spotify charts or Top 40 Charts are your places to go.

Tunefind: Heard a song in a film or tv show that you enjoy but can't find it in the credits? This is the website for you! I use it when shazam fails me or when I'm at the cinema and can't use it or w/e. The songs sometimes come with a description of the corresponding scene for easy checking. Just very handy to have on hand.

Local events: Check for concerts etc. in your area. I know this is not an option for everyone for a bunch of reasons, but if it is for you, visiting local concerts can be a gold mine. I got like ten whole new songs in spanish and one in rapanui from one event I went to (it was like a culture fest with singing, dancing, and poetry). Also listening to live music just connects you differently to the art imo.

Friends & Acquaintances: Last but not least; sometimes my nosiness beats my social anxiety and I simply ask people what they like to listen to. If I'm being extra confident, I ask if they listen to music in languages other than english. Go forth and ask people about their music, go go go!!

Spotify recs:

LindsayDoesLanguages. Individual language playlists + more

Shameless self promo - my own account with individual language playlists. Also on YouTube !

700+ Languages. A playlist by Matthew Bofenkamp that contains one (1) song per language, and as it says on the tin, Matthew has so far collected songs in over 700 languages. Might be a good starting point for more music in your language of interest! Accompanying g0ogle spreadsheet with youtube links here.

#. these are all i can think of rn #. might update accordingly #. also i simply assumed everyone knows what shazam is so i left it out #. anyway ! yeet.#langblr #resources #language resources #music resources #music #l #r.txt

363 notes · View notes

sage-is-in-fact-very-tired · 2 months

Text

might've cooked too hard on this. it sure is. so many worbs. [18,320 words, to be exact.]

but, i commit to my bit, and I will continue to do so because i'm a *loser* - so, welcome to the “sage looked at the c!sherb playlist and went far more bonkers than probably necessary” post. because uh. nothing i say ever stays a bit very long-

—

[Section One - Man. Icarus Morningstar is such a character. The most character of all time.]

-> [Icarus]

-> In my mind, this is 2 to 3 people talking to/about Icarus. The first section, up until the instrumental in the middle, being Centross. Just the whole idea of drinking, it feels very much Centross about them. (“Living beyond your years” is very reset coded - not Centross talking about them, but the rest of that section definitely feels like Centross.) The second section, up until “you put up your defenses when you leave”, is very much Fable talking about them. Just the whole idea of them falling - he would've been the one to see that - and the whole idea of him being scared of that happening again and again and *again.* The last section, following that, could be argued it's either Centross or Rae. How they both know that Icarus puts up this front, this armor, when they talk to people, when they walk around, and only really *really* drop that when they're alone or when Centross or Rae is around. (Well. There's an argument that they *don't* drop their walls completely around Centross or Rae, but this is playlist analysis, not character analysis-)

(Also the whole reset idea of Icarus dying over and over again, forgetting over and over again - falling over and over again.)

-> [Redesign Your Logo]

-> This is very much about the whole change from *just* yellow's and golds, to the yellow and purple color scheme they end up with due to the eye. It's very Midas to Icarus coded, basically. Because as a kid, they were mostly dressed up in yellows, but as time went on, and as the eye happened, and as the resets started, that *changed.* they shifted into wearing purples more often, mixing them with yellow - for all intents and purposes, redesigning the logo they had previously had. Also the whole idea of the trident changing from the trident to the Quixis symbol - cause. Yeah that's kinda Icarus’ logo. (The argument could also be made about how they become nicer with the eye and the following resets - their logo, their typical-ness of being a snarky asshole shifts into being something kind and caring and compassionate. It's Redesigned, and it's at least *partially* Midas’ doing.)

-> [Any Day Now]

-> Icarus about the wack. How they want it to stop, *think* it will stop, soon. It'll stop ‘any day now’ - it can't keep going forever, can it? (Also the pain Icarus is constantly going through - the bad, the horrible and the terrible and the suffering - it'll stop eventually, right? It can't keep going on forever - it'll stop any day now as long as they can *make it* there, make it to the point they're good and happy and it can stop. They just have to keep going and it’ll *stop.*)

-> [&]

-> Icarus’ hypocrisy. How they do things, harm, yell at, everything like that, to others - while doing the same things they're berating others for themself. How they'll do one thing, and call it fine, while criticizing that *exact* same thing. Also could be seen in a light of Fable talking about Icarus’ actions and friendships and things of that sort.

-> [Comb Attack]

-> Okay this one is. Mmm. Okay. Most of the words in here are very glitchy, very cut off from each other - something about the resets cutting off Icarus? Cutting their words off, cutting their actions off, cutting their memories off, *glitching* them.

-> [Hungover in the City of Dust]

-> Icarus’ Isolation. How their friends are constantly leaving them alone and isolated, and how they're constantly pushing people away, and how they're left running around in circles trying to catch up, trying to save themself, figure out what's wrong, figure out how to *fix it.*

-> [Mr. Backwards]

-> Icarus’ more backwards way of thinking. How they'll tell you what they *want* How they're hurting, but they're not going to tell you. How they're trying so desperately to not let people see that, seem so backward to others.

-> [Never Meant to Know]

-> Just the whole idea that there is so much about this world that Icarus cannot and should not be privy to until the correct time - how they live their life rather peacefully up to that point, not knowing, never knowing. The whole idea of the resets - and how really, truly, Icarus wasn’t supposed to know about *any* of this, how they were supposed to be *dead* and they’re not, they were genuinely *never* meant to know.

-> [Out of the Box]

-> Resets. The whole idea that Icarus has died again and again - and that whole like. Abrupt manner of the resets. How they can be doing something one moment and the next they're outside, surrounded by grass and surprised.

-> [Digital Silence]

-> Icarus siding with Fable, and really, Icarus’ actions in general - How they have to do this, regardless of what others say, and regardless of how it makes them *feel* - they *need* to do what they're doing right now; it's all a means to an end and they *need to* do it - because if they don't, things could go very wrong and very different. (Different in a bad way, of course.)

-> [Alien Blues]

-> Just kind of describing Icarus’ whole life - the pain, the bad, the terrible. The whole idea Icarus plays everything off as a joke - they *don't* let people see what really happens, and the snark and asshole attitude people give them because of that. Also maybe the whole idea of the way the things snark them sometimes after bad things, when they're repeating history in a bad way. (Also also also “I'd do anything for you, Mrs. Highness” something about how they’d do anything for Fable, *anything* - even if it meant killing their family, if it meant that he might love them; if it meant they’d be good and they’d have succeeded in something - succeeded instead of *failing.*)

-> [Under My Skin]

-> Just. Everything with being not entirely yourself. Everything about being yourself on the outside, but having someone else simmering right under your skin, telling you things, making you do things. The entire idea that Icarus isn't entirely all *themself.*

-> [Able]

-> That whole idea of Icarus not wanting to be alone in their own mind sometimes, on top of wanting to just be *fine* - on time of trying to so desperately *convince* themself that they're all entirely and completely fine. Saying it out loud so it properly sets into their mind, so it properly comes to fruition.

-> [Mirror Man]

-> That need to be *seen* by someone - anyone. That need to be heard and seen and known by someone - and the knowledge that if they don't, Icarus will make it worse for not only themself, but *everyone* else - make them live Icarus’ nightmare.

-> [Brass Goggles]

-> A) Copper duo; B) That whole idea, almost, that Icarus likes to shove down their feelings. They like to pretend the Icarus that has bad, upset emotions doesn't exist - at least, when in front of people. That whole idea that they try to present themself as someone who doesn't break down in front of others, they try not to cry and they try so desperately to keep this facade up and teach themself more as time goes on how to do so.

-> [Bleed Magic]

-> In my mind, this is very Midas talking to Icarus. Just that whole idea of Midas knowing what Icarus is like; that whole idea that Icarus is *lonely*, that no one believes them just because of how much they *lied*, and is, somehow, bleeding magic out. Literally, in the direct form of Sherbert's eye (Which was, in a way, *killing* Sherbert - not necessarily the bleeding eye, just simply the fact they didn’t become Quixis when they needed to), as well as the whole concept that due to the fact they didn't become Quixis when they should've, Midas has spent far far too much time and energy and *magic* on them. Icarus literally draining them, bleeding them, leaving them with such little control.

-> [Gold]

-> This being about how everything they touch changes no matter what they do, how they try so hard to keep if from changing - but the wack is random, Midas’ can't control it, and so it *changes,* it changes gold and bright. Everything they touch changes to gold, huh?

-> [Gold]

-> Just, I guess, that whole idea that no matter how many people leave them, or get killed around them, or anything like that, they'll come back. The idea that those people can't break like that, because Icarus has always seen them like a rock that *can't* break.

-> [creature]

-> That whole idea of how Icarus *is* Creation's child. They are creation, in a way. They push His ideals, however subconsciously, into people. He is leading their way, and will be, and this is a good thing. And Icarus pushes and pushes this idea - showing both the good parts of themself, not quite the good parts of Creation, as well as the bad more twisted parts, parts almost completely Fable's fault due to them almost being *His* ideals. (“I am creation, both haunted and holy.”) Also almost that whole idea of the resets, their body re-created and re-created over and over and *over* again. They *are* the embodiment of Creation's powers - a person remade through Him, made in His image, made to be the person *He* wants them to be. Haunted, in the idea they might as well be a ghost, and Holy simply because Fable deems them as such - deems them His favorite.

-> [Path to Isolation]

-> A) Oh my gods this song is so fucking coded what the fuck; B) The whole idea of how loss, be it of someone, or *something* - leads them down this path. Leads Icarus so often down this path of immense anger, leads them down the path of the side of the enemy. That whole idea of everything breaking, be it through their own means or someone else's. That whole idea that going down this path so often means that they're so incredibly alone, and means they can't *recognize* themself - they don't know who they've become in all this pain and hell and *bad*, they can't find it. They just keep falling apart and they don't even know when or where to begin to pick up the pieces.

-> [Bet On It]

-> Just that whole idea that Icarus wants to do the right thing, so desperately. Despite all their doubts, their disbelief, their questions about this world, they want to do the right thing - they *will* do the right thing. They need to. They've put all their effort into doing the right thing - it'd all fall apart if they didn't continue to do that.

[Section Two - Broters. also family <3]

-> [Problems]

-> Am I aware this is on the playlist because of Charles? Yes. Am I going to say this is brothers coded anyway? *absolutely.* Because it is brothers coded - something about Icarus seeing themself as bad and someone who can't be saved, while they view their brother in a significantly better light, and see him as the good one and the one who's gonna save them.

-> [Two Birds]

-> *Separation* - This is very much Icarus and Rae drifting away from each other. Icarus drifting away and leaving and hiding, while Rae continues time and time and *time* again to help them and save them and drag them back *home.*

-> [Family Line]

-> Something just about repeating history, and something about following after your parents, and something about how they'll try to change and change themself so much so they don't mirror their parents, and something about how they have to live with everything their parents have done.

-> [Call Them Brothers]

-> Separation!! Again!! The brothers are apart from each other, separated rather permanently through the resets, and, from Icarus’ point of view, they probably *can't* fix it. They can't mend themselves back together like they used to, they're broken.

-> [Brother]

-> Something about how despite being broken, despite all the separation and time lost that hangs between them, they still rely on each other. They'll still help each other no matter the cost, because, in the end, they're still brothers - they still love each other and they still *care.*

-> [Rule #4 - Fish in a Birdcage]

-> Icarus being trapped and isolated, be it through their own doings or their father's or *anyone's*, and how Rae will always be there to sooth them, help them, care for them, *love them.* He cares so desperately, and he'll do his best to take care of them, and Icarus *believes it* - that he loves them.

-> [Icarus]

-> This one feels *mostly* Rae talking to Icarus - Seeing just how far they've flown, and just how far they're willing to fall. That realization of what Icarus has become after all of this, and trying so very hard to drag Icarus back down in any way he can. The last part is Icarus to Rae, however. That try to get him to stop - that “you can't save me, Rae.” That acknowledgment, no matter when in the timeline, that Rae can't save Icarus. (Icarus has to be the one to save themself.)

-> [The Family Jewels]

-> Just that whole idea of cycles - that whole idea of just fucked their whole family is. That whole idea that this cycle of pain and suffering will continue until *they* (Icarus) stops it. Their almost snark to Rae, that idea that they only share *one* last name - Morningstar - and not both. Also that whole idea of Icarus being the favorite - that Fable conditioned them to be the “better” one, conditioned them to be like *this.* (Also just the whole idea of “jewels” - royalty. That idea, almost, of Icarus welcoming Rae to this life. This life of trying too hard, so very hard to be perfect - to be the best, to be royalty, because they have to be. And, arguably, that realization that Rae never had to live that life. That realization Rae never *had* to be the perfect one - Rae got to. Live normally, pretty much. Whereas Icarus grew up young having to be a prince and be as perfect as they could.))

-> [Sparkbird]

-> The whole idea of Icarus noticing little things, pointing them out, needing Rae to notice them. The whole idea that Icarus grew up far *far* too quickly, and Rae is almost their outlet of that - they want so desperately to make up for a) all the time they lost with the resets, and b) all the times Icarus was just an asshole to him.

-> [When the Day Met the Night]

-> Did Sherb say this was Fable, Enderian, and Isla? Yes. Am I going to say it’s brothers coded anyway? Also yes. Just the whole idea of how Rae is always there for Icarus, and how they make each other better when they’re together, and how yes, they often have their bad moments between each other, but in the end, there’s always good - in the end they always manage to find a way to have the sun shine brightly upon them, how in the end they still love and care to deeply about each other.

-> [Icarus]

-> Rae to Icarus. That whole idea that Rae can so easily see through Icarus’ front - so easily see what they're trying to hide. The idea that Rae can so easily see the danger Icarus so often leads themself to, and so often tries to deter them away from that. The whole thing of Rae so often giving Icarus an *out* - asking them questions, leading them in the right direction. (Or, at the very least, trying his hardest to do so.)

-> [I've Got You]

-> Considering this is a Zenni song, and one made for Fable specifically, it doesn't *really* need an explanation - However, just like. The whole idea that despite everything, despite all the brothers have been through and all their arguing and all their bad and terrible, Icarus and Rae still care about each other. Icarus will still keep Rae safe no matter what happens, because that's what older brothers *do*, that's what *family* does.

[Section Three - Season one, am I right or am I right-]

-> [Fine]

-> Just that whole idea at the beginning of season 1 that everything was actually *okay.* It was fine, it was okay, they were all *okay.* Nothing bad had happened yet (at least, not that they could remember), and it was all going well - and the idea that it was going to *continue* to go well. To them, nothing bad was going to happen, because why would it? It's all gone well up to this point - why would it start now?

-> [My Eyes]

-> This is very early corruption - the first part being Icarus, that slow realization of what they're falling into - bad and anger and hopelessness (almost?), and that whole idea that they're getting *worse.* The second part is Momboo - almost trying to comfort herself and Icarus, convince herself and Icarus of what they (Icarus) *really* wants - that they don't want to be bad, truly. (Regardless of their actions, and what Momboo and Co see so clearly in front of them.)

-> [If I Killed Someone for You]

-> Icarus to Momboo in early corruption. The idea of their true sense of self - or at least, the sense of self they had before - is slowly rotting away as corruption takes hold. Slowly killing the good person they were, slowly killing them, and leaving only the bad, ugly, and bloodied pieces of them. Would she still care about them, still hold their hands, if they weren't the same person she had fallen in love with?

-> Could also be viewed as Icarus to Momboo in late corruption, more towards the end, after killing Haley. How there's physically blood and gore on their hands, and would she still hold their hands knowing that that covered their hands like that.

-> [Laplace's Angel (Hurt People? Hurt People!)]

-> Corruption. Basically Icarus to *everyone* - That snark of “am I *really* that bad?” because they know, if necessary, they can be so *so* much worse. That acknowledgment that if anyone else was in their shoes, they'd probably drop to the same lows they had - the same bad, terrible and horrible actions. (Well - they *think.* They come to know later that probably wouldn't be the case, but it's almost what they end up believing up until, really, Breaking Bonds.) Just that whole idea of their mentality during corruption - how bad they can be, and how much worse they could be, and how much someone else in their same shoes would be just as bad.

-> [Ways to Be Wicked]

-> Very Ominous Bane. Just that whole idea of there being so many ways they can just be *evil.* The whole idea of trying to convince people to join their side, to join their cause, to change the story, to be *bad.*

-> [Heathens]

-> Sherb said this is very Easton talking to Athena about Ominous Bane/Icarus, Centross, and kinda sorta Seven, and I very much agree with that. Just the whole idea of a *warning* - of how messy and chaotic and bad Ominous Bane can be. The whole idea of everything they've been through before this, be it if they remember it or not, and how it affects them still to this day. The whole concept of someone trying to warn Athena of what they're getting into, *tell them* what everyone here is like.

-> [I WANNA BE YOUR SLAVE]

-> Just that whole idea of wanting to be seen as good by Enderian - almost? That whole idea of *wanting* to be her puppet, and wanting her to tell them what to do. (And that whole idea of after it, wanting to be redeemed.)

-> [Twisted]

-> Hot take - Icarus taunting people. Icarus trying to get Ominous Bane with them to help taunt people - *specifically* Athena. Just that whole idea of trying to get them to believe that, a, they're not a hero, they're not going to be - and b, this world as it is, isn't worth saving. They need to mess with it, blow stuff up, kill people, *something* to make it worth it.

-> [Ramalama (Bang Bang)]

-> Just the whole idea of Icarus and Co going around and blowing shit up. Just the snark and annoyance and bullshit they say during it, and the stuff they tell people while they're blowing stuff up - the whole *loudness* and bangs of the explosions - all of it.

-> [Secret]

-> Icarus asking Athena to keep all of this - Ominous Bane, *everything* about corruption - a secret. That loosely veiled threat of what would happen if Athena told *anyone* - what would happen to *them* if they dare spill that to others. The fact that Icarus so desperately wanted to keep corruption, keep their actions, keep Ominous Bane and Athena's involvement in it, a *secret.* (And how, in the end, they can't. Because in the end, Athena *tells* - and Athena gets hurt because of that, but they also get *saved* because of it.)

-> [Hawk in the Night]

-> Icarus to Athena - That whole idea of Athena doing good and being what Icarus wants her to be for them and Ominous Bane. That whole idea that Athena should fight against their friends, stop trying to call out to them for help, stop trying anything - and being proud when Athena would finally end up doing that, cutting ties.

-> Hot take, not in the correct spot in the playlist for this, but also Fable talking to Icarus - be it before or after the cathedral. That whole idea of Fable *wanting* Icarus to isolate themself from their friends and brother, and being pleased when they did that; as well as the whole idea of fighting your friends and family and siding with the “bad guys” and not, well, your family. (Or well, Your family family. The people who really love you. The people who’d care if you’d die. The people who want you to be there and you to be around them.)

-> [Sharks]

-> Just that whole idea of Icarus and Ominous Bane almost taunting Athena while he’s with them. The whole idea that everyone knows, that Athena thinks they can be better than everyone else (when in reality they’re just the same), and the whole idea that one day Athena will see that all she’s doing is swimming with sharks that want her gone and dead and hurt the same as everyone else.

-> Another hot take, Rae to Icarus around A Brother’s Final Stand. That whole idea that one day Icarus will realize their mistakes and missteps and wrong doings and how *Fable* is wrong, and they’ll truly realize how in too deep they are, and just how deep they’ve gone to swim with the sharks.

-> [Lies]

-> Just that whole idea of *all* the lies Icarus tells during season 1. To others, to get people on their side; to Ominous Bane to make themself look better; to *themself* to hide away they're *cracking.*

-> [We Both Reached for the Gun]

-> That whole idea of being a puppet to someone else. That whole idea of someone standing behind you, trying to control your actions and words and *everything* about you. That whole idea of corruption, being a puppet to yourself - in a weird sort of way. And that whole idea that during corruption and Ominous Bane, Centross tried so desperately to make Icarus do what *he* wanted.

-> [Wolf in Sheep's Clothing]

-> Just the whole idea of corruption. All that anger and upset and *mad* - targeted at *everyone.* Arguably, Icarus to Centross. Just that anger at how he gets to Enderian, that anger he gets to do whatever *he* wants, and they're delegated to. whatever this is. All of the arguing that happens between them - it's very season 1 prison duo.

-> [Play With Fire]

-> This is Centross and Enderian, yes; *Arguably* them almost taunting Icarus. The whole idea of them getting to do all of this, and do it *together* - while Icarus hasn't even gotten to *talk* to Enderian.

-> [Can't Stand the Rain]

-> Just that whole idea of literally not being able to stand the rain - how it's constant, how it means this just keeps going and going and *going* and they're not really getting any further than before. (Also like that whole idea of love - how there's truly no such thing as it, as long as this keeps going; as long as they’re corrupted.)

-> [Bust Your Kneecaps (Johnny Don't Leave Me)]

-> Three Strikes Three Strikes Three Strikes. This is so *incredibly* three strikes coded. Just that whole idea of Icarus taunting Athena, chasing after them and everyone else, threatening them. The way that Icarus was fully willing to hunt and kill all of them - fully willing to *go there* and hurt them like that.

-> [6up 5oh Copout (Pro / Con)]

-> This is so very prison coded. Just that whole anger at the fact they were even *put there* - the idea that people would dare misuse their trust like that to trap them. The anger of being alone and trapped and the fact no one was even *considering* letting them out. That need and what to be *out* because they were perfectly fucking *fine* - they didn't need to be trapped like this, why did they even *think* Icarus needed to be trapped like this?

-> [Murders]

-> Getting put in the prison. The idea that they go looking for something, they’re promised something and they work incredibly hard to get to that point - but in the end the prison ruins that for them. In the end, all their efforts were really worth nothing. All their efforts to see the end of this weren’t worth anything because look at where they are now. Look at where this has gotten them - trapped in a prison, panicked and alone and *hurt.*

-> [Nothing Left To Lose]

-> Loose Ends Loose Ends Loose Ends. This is so very incredibly Loose Ends coded. Just that whole idea of Icarus’ to put Centross into the prison - and their attempt at that. Then Centross almost immediately trying to put *them* back into the cell. The following argument and then Centross flying off, Icarus and Rae following. And then the whole idea of Icarus trying so *desperately* to keep him from blowing up their house - and failing because Centross just doesn't give a shit. Centross doesn't have any attachments to them anymore, they've served their purpose (his words), and he doe\snt need to keep them or their house or their anything around any longer - and so he goes through with blowing it up. He leaves Icarus alone there to pick up whatever they can.

-> [As the World Caves In]

-> The season 1 finale - just that whole idea of Centross blowing up the tree, the world literally caving in as Fable rips away yet another page. The way everyone gets ready, gathers around for the funeral of a woman none of them *really* knew, ready to mourn, but not knowing the events that would follow; they get ready for a funeral - only it’s not *only* Haley’s, but also their own. Sure they’ll come back, but the world will still cave in, and the person that sat in those seats will be long gone by the time they do.

-> Arguably also could be the season 2 reset - that whole idea of getting ready and dressing up and *armoring* up to fight Perix/The Warden and getting to that point, putting her soul into the portal frame; only to find Midas had switched Fable and Haley and it was all for nothing, and. Oh. Now the world is caving in - it’s falling apart.

-> [What if Tomorrow Comes]

-> I guess really that whole idea of hoping that Centross blowing up the tree isn't really, truly, the end of this all. That hope that tomorrow will come regardless because this can’t be the end. But also almost that doubt and unknown of if it really would come - that idea that, to them, it really seemed like they were *going* to die with no way of coming back. (And that whole idea of being proven very wrong as they wake up a few weeks later in a reset world, and slowly work to get their memories back as time goes on. That realization that tomorrow *will* come because it came once, it came tens of times before, so it’ll come again and again until they figure all of this out and stop it.)

[Section Four - Season two, why are at least a half of these about putting centross in the prison. *sherb*]

-> [New Life]

-> Just that whole idea of how since no one remembers at the beginning of the Sculk reset, they all - Icarus especially - have an opportunity to, at least until they remember properly, start anew. Icarus doesn’t remember, and for a while no one really remembers them, so they have an opportunity to have a new life; to rebuild things long since broken and make them better. Icarus doesn't have to worry about everything they did in the past if no one can remember it, meaning they get a free past to - at least, for a while, and for all intents and purposes - start a new life on a clean slate.

-> [People I Don't Like]

-> Very much Centross at the beginning of season 2 - to everyone really; though considering this *is* the Icarus playlist, it's arguably to Icarus. Just that whole idea that Centross *knows* them and everything they did and all the feelings he holds about them - and the whole idea that Icarus just. Doesn't. That whole thing of Centross trying to make himself seem good in everyone's eyes, save face and all of that - especially to Icarus. (Especially considering Icarus has/had *very* strong feelings about everything Centross did and told them and. All of that. Not that they remembered all of that at the beginning of the reset, but. Concept.)

-> [Turn The Lights Off]

-> The whole vibe at the beginning of season 2 that people shouldn't go to the end - or at least go to the end *alone* - because look at where that got people last time. Don’t go to the end because you could end up corrupted just like *they* did, and they don’t want that to happen again.

-> Part of me would also say, maybe not within this season, but also season 3 - with the end, that this could also be used in reference to the Worldport and how it’s decaying and how that’s where Quixis is and everything that happens every time Icarus goes in there.

-> You could also maybe make the argument that it’s about Purgatory and Fable - Don’t go with him, don’t go in there and subject yourself to that because you could become more of a monster than a man - more of a loyal soldier than yourself, more of a guard dog than a person. Don’t go down that hole, turn those lights off, because who knows what will happen. (Don’t side with him because you’ll become the monster you’ve always feared becoming - you’ll become the person you’ve never wanted to become.)

-> [The Devil You Know]

-> That whole idea of Icarus not remembering - but also *wanting* not to remember. Icarus has seen the way people react to them, they don't want to remember that person. Sure, right now they're not the *most* amazing person, but they can tell that they were so so much worse before - and they don't want to remember that. It's better to *just* remember the devil they are now, the person they've become, than the person - devil - they were before.

-> [What Did I Do?]

-> Very much season 2 Icarus runaway arc. Just that whole lead up if it - that idea of them wondering what they've done for months and months, and their proposal of an *arena*, and the fallout, the way they ran. That whole idea of them not knowing what they did, what they were, who they were; that whole idea of them wondering what they *did* to be looked at like *that* - what they did to be talked to like that and threatened, what they did to make their family (the only semblance of stability they had even during season 2) so *afraid* of them. (And almost the idea that they were afraid of that - afraid and scared of being viewed in such a way; that idea that this is an active fear that they have.)

-> [It's Not the Same Anymore]

-> Very much Icarus remembering - but less that immediate “*oh fuck yeah I remember!*” and more that “oh. fuck. I *remember.*” Just that whole idea of now that they remember, nothing back home, nothing within town, is going to be the same. None of it will have the same connotations to it, and none of their relationships with people will be the same - because now Icarus *knows* and now they're going to be far, *far* more cautious with their words and actions. It's not the same - and oh how they remember just how fucking *miserable* they were. Additionally, that kind of whole idea of how they should be happy, they should be happy now that they've remembered everything - they *know* now; but really, in the long term, remembering everything just makes it so so much harder to navigate *everything.* (The vibe the end of the song really gives is after all of the Prison Arc Part 2, Icarus trying to make up and make their relationships and friendships and *everything* better - fix them up and pick up broken pieces.)

-> [Could've Been Me]

-> Remembering but we're happy this time! Don't think about all of the consequences and bad feelings and *everything* that comes with remembering you're a horrible person - only focus on the fact you remembered and can now go home and definitely totally be incredibly happy with your family again! All jokes aside, that's very much the vibe this song has. Just that whole idea of Icarus being incredibly happy that they've remembered everything - that they can go *home* finally, they don't have to stay out in the middle of nowhere alone because they're terrified of hurting people. Also that whole idea of everything they want to do now that they remember and know where the line is - know what they can say that won't tow too far over a line and/or trigger someone.

-> [Brutus]

-> Oh to be Icarus Morningstar upon opening their door, post remembering, and seeing David Centross Mistvale. Just that whole anger and upset Icarus holds for Centross after they remember. That anger at what he did, at what he didn't do, at what he said and told them, the anger at what he *left them with* - and the anger that *he* got to talk to Enderian. He got to hear her and listen to her and know her, and Icarus didn't. He was her favorite, and *gods* how that made Icarus so very angry. And the whole idea of how that anger carries over - how Icarus so desperately wanted what Centross had, and didn't get it, and now that they remember they want to *make* it known just how angry they are. (And that whole idea and action of putting him in the prison.)

-> [Absinthe]

-> Very similar to Brutus - that just *anger* at Centross for all of this. That anger at everything he did and everything he said and everything about the endstone reset. And also that way they *don't* believe that front he's put him since the beginning of the reset - don't believe the “good guy” front he's tried to keep up since appearing this reset.

-> [The Main Character]

-> The whole idea that they can do this - do what they're doing to Centross, and *keep doing it* because there are worse people than them out there - there are so so much worse people than them out there, so they can do this, because, well, they’re better; they’re not bad bad like a lot of people. The idea that this is okay because of everything else.

-> [You're Not Welcome]

-> Just all of that angry Icarus holds for Centross bubbling over - this *is* the act of putting him in the prison. That need to make it known he's *not* welcome - the idea they try to convince both themself and him of that no one would care if he just disappeared. And, well. Welcome to the first of like four more detailed line by line analysis cause i'm a loser.

“Don't you know you're not welcome ‘round here?” Just that whole idea of Icarus being willing to lock him away because they fully believe, what to believe, want *him* to believe that he's not welcome - he's not welcome and therefore that makes their following actions “okay.”

“I think you should go ‘fore you cause some drama.” Almost that idea that he needs to leave - he shouldn't be here. That whole idea that he should leave before *they* do something. That whole idea that if he stays, regardless of if he does something, they’re going to *hurt him.*

“Don't you know I'm the one you should fear?” They *want* him to be afraid of them - want him fear them so they *finally* have that upper hand on him. (Want him to be afraid of them like they were afraid of him after they got out of the prison - want him to know that fear, want them to be able to get their revenge.)

“Talk to me if you've got a problem.” That whole idea that Icarus wants to be the one to deal with him - that whole thing of no one else dealing with Centross the way *Icarus* thinks he should be dealt with.

“I can't believe you used to truly scare me.” Because he *did* genuinely scare them - after they were uncorrupted they were genuinely and truly scared of him. However, like this, with the offer that Icarus can stab him, with the way he just lets himself get put into the prison, he's really not that scary. They can't believe he used to genuinely scare them when he's just. almost pitiful like this - in the prison.

“You were like a ghost story told to keep me weary. But I never listened, no, I slept good ‘til morning.” Arguably *he* was the one telling them the ‘ghost stories’ - the warnings he'd tell them, the arguments they'd get into. The way Icarus never heeded them, only pushing further and further until they tipped him (or themself) over the edge. The way Icarus would just sleep it off - because that's what they always did.

“And when our paths finally crossed, I didn't heed the warning.” Similar to that last line - Icarus didn't heed any warning. Icarus just kept pushing and pushing and pushing, arguing with Centross over and over and *over* again.

“Then push, push, push, push. Yeah, you pushed me to the edge.” Haley. Arguably, Centross was part of the reason Icarus killed her in the first place. That need to prove themself not only to Enderian, but also to Centross. That need to prove they weren't useless (weren't a *failure*), that they could be of use to Ominous Bane and weren't just *there* - that they could *do something.*

“I used to dread the thought of falling quickly” Something something resets something something. While they don't remember them or know about them at this point in time, just that whole idea of falling like that. Also, arguably, that whole idea of falling into an ideal and thought process - that idea they don't like to do that quickly, they don't like falling down a thought rabbit hole without thinking and considering it properly first. (Even though they do that so incredibly often.)

“But now I just wish that you'd send me off that ledge - So I can finally fucking take you with me” But also that whole idea that if it meant Centross was going down with them? if them falling down a thought rabbit hole, if them falling and doing something terrible, meant Centross would go down with them? If him pushing them to that point meant they'd go down *together* - two birds, one stone and all - and no one could be hurt by him again? Oh Icarus would gladly fall down. They'd gladly let themself if it meant they could kill or hurt or do *something* to him that meant they were going down together.

-> [Blood // Water]

-> Just that whole idea of Icarus being so very angry at Centross for all of this. That whole idea of there literally being blood in the water - he tried to kill all of them, and he *did* kill hundreds more. That whole idea that Icarus doesn't plan on letting him go *any* time soon - they want him so desperately to know just how what he did made them feel. (Also “you poisoned me just for another dollar in your pocket” that whole idea that he let Icarus dig themself into this hole, he argued and argued and *argued* and pushed and poisoned their mind with thoughts and words that *stuck.*)

-> [Lonely]

-> They hate each other, yes. However, What if they held hands about it? Maybe even kissed about it. Just like. That whole idea of of how during the season 2 prison arc they were really each other's *only* company. They were alone, but alone together. Yeah they hated each other - but they still *had* each other. That whole idea Icarus was *alone* - but they still had someone, regardless of how much they hated each other. (Also “Hey love, Have mercy on me, and keep me company” is very Centross to Icarus. Just that idea of wanting mercy, wanting Icarus to *stop* hurting him - but also still wanting that company because they were *alone.*)

-> [GONER]

-> They definitely still hate each other - like absolutely still hate each other. Like they are arguing and fighting and snapping at each other every fucking opportunity they get the longer Centross is in the prison - especially more towards the end, Centross is being just as snippy and antagonistic towards Icarus as they're being to him. That whole idea of Centross snipping at them - that idea of “at least he fights back when he's imprisoned.” However, arguably, they also probably kissed about it. They hate each other - but like, sometimes you have to acknowledge the other person is definitely a little kiss-able. (“You look so damn appetizing” like. *like.* so many of these lines imply they at the very *very* least kissed about it.)

-> [Forgive Me Chester]

-> Very end of season 2/the season 2 reset. Really that whole idea of seeing the 3 people you've spent your life chasing after all at once, all in the same room, all together. That idea of fighting the Warden, that whole idea of trying to get Fable out, that whole idea of trying to finally chase the bad away - chase the resets and the Warden and the anger and the bad and *all of it.*

-> Verse one is very much talking about Haley; Verse two is about Centross (prison duo the beloved); Verse three is about Rae, something about broters and their relationship being good for that bit at the end there.

-> [Rock in a God's Shoe]

-> Just that general demeanor of late season 2 - trying to figure out if Fable getting out would *actually* help (even if Icarus really really wants him back), and that whole idea of trying to figure out if he will actually be on their side or not. That worry after everything that happened with Perix that maybe he isn't. Also that idea of Fable not giving that much information, and them all trying their absolute *hardest* to figure out how to get him out. (Also that bit at the end is Icarus to Midas coded, especially with the glitchy voice, and in this essay I will-)

-> [Moonsickness]

-> Very much the season 2 reset. The annoyance at Fable, that annoyance and *anger* at Quixis. That very demeanor they have toward Quixis at the end - being done with them and being annoyed at them; them seeing themself as a failure because of *course* they fucked up the thing that was supposed to help them. They can't do anything right ever - they fuck up *everything* they touch. Also, hot take, Midas talking to Icarus and Fable (and almost the grove in general? but I feel like *mostly* Fable). and, well, I have thoughts about some of these lines, so take this silly more specific analysis. (Not *every* line, just some I picked. Because if i picked all the lines we’d be here forever.)

“Everybody knows this place is dying, as am I.” Something about Midas dying as the Worldport does - decaying and falling with their realm. Something about the season 2 reset showing the world *literally* dying, falling apart, crumbling and everyone *knowing* it.

“I might not get another chance.” Midas switching Haley and Fable - they *knew* they probably weren't going to get another chance to try and stop Fable like that. As well as the whole idea of the grove only having one chance to open the portal - they, Icarus especially as the one who *put* Perix's soul in the frame, fully thought this was their *only* opportunity to get Fable out. Obviously this is proven wrong in season 3 - but they didn't *know that.*

“I am such a fuckup, if you only knew that I am such a fuck up.” Something about Icarus seeing themself as a failure - a fuckup. They couldn't even get their father out correctly, why can't everyone just see how much of a failure they are? Why can't everyone see how much they ruin everything they touch? (And, arguably, Midas as well. That whole idea of them failing in their duties to bring Icarus when they were supposed to, leading to so so *so* many worlds decaying.)

“And I am the worst mistake that God has ever made.” Sort of that same idea as the last one - that idea of Icarus seeing themself as a failure. Only this time it's more related to their Dad than themself. He made them, they're *his* child - therefore, if they see themself *that* badly, they're the worst mistake he's ever made. They're a terrible fucking person and they're a *failure.*

“But I make lemons out of lemonade.” Wack wack wack wack. This line is so very about the wack. Something about changing things from one thing to another in a way that *shouldn't be possible.*

“In your guts you know it's all destroyed.” Okay, Midas to Fable. Something about Fable knowing that this world is dying - something about how Fable would *know* the outcome of doing all of this. He would know that Rae would figure it out one day, the cause of the resets, and it wouldn't go *well* - that his relationship with one or both of his sons would be destroyed. (Also, mayhaps, Midas to Icarus - that whole idea that the world is destroyed and their chance at getting Fable out (at least this time) is *also* destroyed.)

“None of us belong, Everything I do is wrong.” Something about everyone being pulled into the resets from different time periods, being shifted and tugged and placed into the present but not quite *belonging* there. Something about how Icarus tries their very hardest to be *good* - but so much of what they do ends up being wrong on so many levels. (But it's all they know.) Something about how Midas tries their very best to fix and fix and *fix* and they can't really - it almost always ends up *wrong.*

“And in your blood you know what's right.” Midas to Icarus - that whole idea that Icarus has Fable's blood running through their veins, that they believe that he is *right.* Even if in the moment they don't know him well, don't remember him well, they still subconsciously think what they're doing that mirrors Fable's own actions is *right.*

Could also be Midas to Fable? That might be a slippery slope to climb and explain though.

“And in your bones you know what's wrong.” Midas to Icarus - something about Icarus so often knowing, but not *acknowledging*, that what they're doing is wrong. Icarus *knows* it's wrong, deep in their bones, they really really do. (But rarely do they acknowledge that.)

Could *also* be Midas to Fable for similar reasons.

“And in your throat you know you're lying to kids” Midas to Fable - While they're not *literally* kids and children still, they are *his* kids - and he's lying to them. Fable is lying to his kids and he *knows* it, not that he'll acknowledge that ever.

“And you know nobody belongs in this hell.” Midas to Fable - Something about Fable *knowing* none of them belong in this hell of resets and everything; that he should probably just let life run its course, let it go as it *should* - but he doesn't. And he's dooming them to this hell none of them belong in. (And he knows they don't.)

“I am God's worst Mistake” Just. Icarus. Once again just that whole idea that they just think of themself as a *failure* - especially after the portal glitches. They can't keep doing this - at some point they're just. A mistake. (Arguably, could also be seen directed more at Quixis as well - the way Quixis made them like this with the eye and all.)

“And you seem happy on the knife's edge, but I just lick the blade.” Midas to Fable - That idea that Fable kind of hovers on the knife's edge, but never tips over it. He tows a line, about to tetter over. The way Midas will *gladly* tip over that line - lick the blade, on this case - they'll go down, tetter over that edge, but they sure as fuck won't do it quietly or unnoticeable.

“And I'm the worst mistake your God has ever made.” Arguably, Midas to Icarus. Fable is the reason they couldn't get to Icarus - Fable is the reason they're *like this.* And, *arguably,* Fable is kind of sort of Icarus’ God. Also just that whole idea that Fable is the reason for *so much* between Midas and Fable. And now Midas is *angry.* Mistake in this case isn't a bad thing - mistake in this case is more “Midas is about to make their anger *very* much Fable's problem - and it's his fault.”

“Invisible hand savior, fucking up your definitions even though it's life or death.” Midas to Fable - Fable is, in this case, the invisible hand. He saves Icarus every *single* reset - he *is* the savior, and he's fucking up definitions *every* time he does it. Even though it's life or death, even though Icarus absolutely *should* die, they should be dead, they're not. He's literally fucking up definitions everytime he rips a page out or edits or does *anything* to As It Is.

“Don't you think it matters when we wish our friends the best.” Midas to Fable - again. Something about Fable wishing Rae and Co good luck on figuring out what the resets were being caused by - when *he* was the one causing them. It *should* matter that he wished them luck, but it really doesn't considering he *knew.*

“Because of all this bullshit I'm not anything at all.” Midas in general really - something about how they're just trying to fix everything now, but they're not really a person anymore. They're alone and they're almost a god and they're *angry.*

“There's nothing to believe in and there won't be ‘till we fall” Okay this line goes *far* deeper into the finale and things than it should. This is Midas talking to Fable but for once they're not being an *asshole* - they're lumping themself in with him. Something about Fable dying at the end of Fable, and Midas passing their torch (metaphorically falling/dying), and the way it leaves room for new gods - new gods people will actually *like* and believe in and won't cause harm and and and. Something about Midas knowing that until both of them are gone, no one is going to properly believe for a *while.*

“I can't get the numbers right - I can't fucking count because not one goddamn thing is in it's place.” Midas to Icarus *or* Vice versa (Icarus to Midas). Something about the wack changing and altering so so *so* much neither of them are really them anymore. Nothing is like it should be, and it hasn't been for a while. The Worldport is decaying, soon Midas will be too. Icarus isn't themself - they haven't been in a *while.* The eye isn't theirs (not that they *know* that), all of the purple isn't theirs, some of their members *aren't theirs.* Nothing is in it's place and that's *really* fucking shit up.

“You fuckers know it's all built on lies” Midas to *both* Icarus and Fable. Just that whole idea of how Fable manipulates and abuses in the way he does; twisting words and fabricating truths, lies laid with the grounds of a truth, but built on things objectively very false. And in Icarus’ case - their entire life and personality is a lie. They act so very differently alone than they do around others, it's all a front. Everything they've built to this point, and *so much* of what they'll build as season 3 starts is built on lies and half truths. (And that whole idea that Midas is *angry* at them.)

“But the beast refuses to die, and so I guess well neither can I.” This line *arguably* also leans very heavily into finale territory - mostly with things we know after the fact though. Just that whole idea that Fable can't die, he refuses to - as long as he's immortal he *can't.* And if Fable is alive, and actively keeping Midas from Icarus - then Midas can't pass the torch, Midas can't *die.* Something about how Midas fully thought they were going to die upon passing the torch to Icarus. If Fable refuses to die, meaning they can't reach Icarus, then Midas *can't* die. (Because what happens then? The Worldport is left without an overseer and wack gets hundreds of times worse? *No* that can't happen. So they power through it to let Icarus see the end.)

[Section Five - You died. Deal with the consequences, Icarus. (Season 3)]

-> [Is There Anybody Here?]

-> The season 3 break my beloved honestly. That's this song in a very very loose nutshell. The season 3 break - both their time in the Worldport as well as their time here. Just that whole idea of trying to find Quixis - and then trying to find *something* that they know and can hold onto. That idea of looking for something, anything, anyone that can help them because they *don't know where they are.* That idea that they're trying to find their way back home, and are struggling because they don't know how.

-> [Maybe Man]

-> Very much that whole mentality Icarus has early season 3. That idea that they *don't* know how they are, not anymore. They're just kind of. Floating. Also that whole idea of trying to figure out who the fuck they even want to be in the first place. They don't really have a direction - they just want to be *something.* (Something that will please people, make them smile whenever Icarus passes by because they're doing *good.*)

-> [Chasing You]

-> That whole idea of how Icarus has spent the past *year* trying to bring Haley back, trying to figure out how to see her and fix their mistake - and that whole idea that now that she's back, now that Midas brought her back, Icarus doesn't know what to do. Icarus doesn't know how to act around her, what they can and cannot and should and should not say/voice, what is too far over a line and what isn't. They're really just left floating not knowing what in the *world* they should do about it.

-> [The Garden]

-> The whole idea of Icarus getting so done with and so incredibly over Quixis and the wack and the changes and *us.* The whole idea of wanting to dig them up and out and remove them completely, no matter the consequence, no matter where it would get them in the end. The whole idea of how Midas knows their name - and we have to figure it out - and the way they don’t, and the way, more often than not, we as chat snark at them and are very passive aggressive sometimes, rather than being helpful - and how they don’t like that.

-> [New Eyes]

-> Two samples Two samples Two samples. Just, Icarus about the eyes in general. The finding put that the purple eye's blood *isn't theirs*, and the following realization that if the blood isn't theirs, then the eye itself isn't theirs either. That want and that need for people - Midas - to stop changing them, to give them *their* eye back - so they can see with new ones; so they can see with the eyes that were always *supposed* to be theirs. (Also just the general idea of needing to see things through a new lens, see things better, because they're suffering and hurting and *no one* seems to see it, and how one day that fact might kill them. (And well, it does, doesn't it?))

-> Sage and their ability to be so normal got this one on the playlist. We win these.

-> [The Tornado]

-> So very Unlocked - this *is* the Unlocked song. That whole idea of them being used to the wack, being almost surprised as it just *kept getting worse*, *the wings,* the running to the bunker and the *yelling* at Midas, Fable finding them, and - arguably - the aftermath of the wings and those few streams following Unlocked where they were just trying to heal and fix and *clean* up the path they had made. (Okay yes Quixis ascension, yes, but we’re not at that part in the playlist yet - so.) And, well. Some more detailed line analysis because I’m a loser.

“It was just startin' to drizzle as I walked out the door, But I've delivered papers in the rain like that before.” Just that whole idea that the wack being weird - being worse, changing their house more than normal, changing *them* and their clothes more than normal - was okay, in their mind. What’s the worst that can happen? It’s done this before, and everything was fine for both them and others - why worry about it this time?

“3:30 in the morning, I was happy as a lark.” That idea that Icarus was so very happy to get Fable out. They were so happy and excited, because this was what they had been working to for months and years and *resets* and they had finally been able to do it. They might’ve been a little worried, but they were mostly *happy.*

“The wind was pickin' up and howlin' louder all the time.” The redstone beginning as they were all standing in front of the now open portal - the way they weren’t expecting it, the way it just kept picking up and getting *worse* no matter what they did to stop it.

“The sky churned like a cauldron and the distant thunder roared, And I knew that I was in for quite a storm.” The redstone picking up, but also the fact Fable hadn’t come out yet - and they had been waiting and waiting for the others to get him for *minutes* now and it was beginning to worry everyone outside of the portal; that idea that they *knew* something might be up - with Fable or the wack.

“A little rain never hurt no one, so I kept pressin' on.” Up to this point, the wack hadn’t hurt *anyone* - well, with the exception of Icarus themself. Sure it had hurt and changed and wacked animals and blocks and all that - but never Icarus’ friends and family. It hurt them time and time again - but they were fine after all of it (for the most part - with the exception of the many breakdowns and *the eye*), why should they worry about others getting hurt? It had never *severely* hurt them like that; so they kept going and standing there and letting it get worse upon that assumption that it *wouldn’t do that.*

“And I tried to tell myself it's always darkest before the dawn.” Just that way they were so desperately trying to convince themself that it was all okay - that the group in Purgatory *will* bring Fable out and it’ll be okay. The wack will be fine and it’ll stop and it’s just a small little bad thing before they get Fable back - that desperate way they try to convince themself it’ll be okay.

“Lightning struck an oak tree as I leapt off my bike.” The way the redstone, the *bad* just keeps getting worse and worse as time goes on. Regardless of what they do it gets worse and they can’t seem to *stop it.*

“The sirens started wailing, but there was no good place to hide.” That whole idea that Icarus really, really, *really* wanted to run - they wanted their dad and they wanted the wack to *stop* because it just kept getting worse and they really, really wanted to just run. But they knew they column’t because running would make things so so much worse - so they don’t run, they just stand there and let it keep getting *worse.*

“I knew without a doubt there was a twister touchin' down.” That idea that they *knew* it was only going to get worse and worse the longer they stood there, without a doubt, but there wasn’t anything they could *do about it* - they just had to power through whatever happens, like they always do.

“The little bit of courage I had left was almost gone.” Something about how at the beginning of Unlocked they were mostly okay - that had *some* bits of courage - but the longer no one came out of the portal and the longer all the redstone did was get bigger, and the longer they just *stood there* the more that courage just. faded.

“And then the nightmare started, it got deafeningly loud.” Momboo. The redstone getting bigger and the wack *hurting her* (hurting someone other than Icarus, for once) and the way they almost *immediately* panicked and ran (or, at least tried to) off. And then like the following moments of running and running and trying to fly and then their wings *shattering.*

“Every fiber in me screamed out, but I couldn't make a sound.” Something about how they screamed as their wings broke, but about how their panic after the fact was so very quiet. They weren't screaming - they were just hurt and in pain and weren't going well but were trying so desperately to keep it under wraps. They refused to let themself break at *any* point during the run to the bunker, refused to let themself fall apart like that. They wouldn't - they *couldn't.*

“It sounded like a freight train was draggin' me to hell.” Something about the particular way the the wings sounded when they shattered - so *loud* and overwhelming as they crystalized and as Icarus *fell.* Even louder as they shattered against their own weight and Icarus’ back. They dragged Icarus *down.* (Metaphorically dragging Icarus to hell, I suppose.)

“And this was my prayer, "Save me from this terrible nightmare"” *Icarus yelling at Midas.* This line is os Icarus yelling at Midas, both on their way and inside of the bunker. They just wanted Quixis to *stop*, to know why they just kept *doing all of this* to Icarus and their friends. -They just wanted Quixis to stop, and they just wanted someone to be there for them and save them because *gods* they hurt so very badly.

“That was when I saw my family with my eyes shut real tight.” Fable showing up at the bottom of the bunker - they literally see their family. Also something about how they just wanted this to stop - their eyes shut and the denial of the past delays creeping back up on them.

“Would they know how much I loved them if this was how I died?” *Would they?* How many times does Icarus tell their family they love them? (How many times do people tell *them* that?) Would their family know just how much Icarus loved and cared about them if Icarus died - if they died like *this* with no one around?

“No, I vowed I'd not be murdered by a monster in the sky that night.” If you think about it - this injury could’ve killed them. It didn’t - and they definitely didn't want them to - but it *could’ve.* But they wanted to so desperately survive and live and *not* let Midas’ actions get the better of them - they vowed it wouldn’t happen.

“But if I went home to heaven, at least that's where I'd belong.” Midas’ would’ve pulled them before they died (just like they did in the finale) if the injury *did* kill them - they would’ve been where they belong because they were meant to become Quixis *decades* ago; that, the worldport, Quixis, was supposed to be their home for years yet it *wasn’t* - it's where they belong but, at this moment, they’re not there.

“There was nothin' but destruction and wreckage in that town.” The mess the path and wack made; the redstone in front of the portal; *the tree.* (Their wings.) It was all a mess and destroyed and, for at least some of that - there was no fixing it. It was just destroyed and they just had to deal with that.

“And that was how I learned to live when you can run, but you can't hide.” They could run from hurting Momboo, and they could run from the wack, and they could run from their wings breaking - but they can’t *hide from it.* They have to deal with the consequences of their actions, they can’t hide from it. They have to see the tree - see their mistakes, see their bad - nearly everyday. They can run from it, sure, but they can’t *hide.*

“How to feel trapped in a tunnel but come out the other side.” They’re trapped and grounded and alone (somewhat - Fable is doing his whole “isolate his kid so they lose attachments” thing) but they come out of it, eventually. They get their wings back, they can fly again - they may have felt trapped for a time but they *made it out.*

“'Cause with all the stormy weather in the world, you learn to take life one storm at a time.” Pulling out the character analysis card - Icarus gets very focused on *one* (big) thing very easily. Their wings, they wanted to fix those - spent weeks trying to get better; Enderian talking to Rae - they were so incredibly stuck on that until they made up; And, the more obvious one from season 3 - Centross. It was a 5 month long storm - but it’s all they focused on. They take their life, especially during season 3, one big problem and thing at a time - focus on *it* and nothing else. (Because focusing on other things means acknowledging just how much you’re hurting, and they can’t do that.) And I mean, it gets Icarus through. They make it to the end going like that. It’s not healthy - but they *make it.*

“I keep hangin' on.” No matter what happens, no matter how close to death they get and no matter how much death would probably be kinder at a point, Icarus is still there. They keep hanging on - keep living and keep just, going through the motions.

-> [Birds]

-> Just that whole idea of how after Unlocked (and arguably also *during* Unlocked) Icarus just wanted to *relax.* They were done and hurting and upset and they just really, really wanted to sit, alone, with the flock. They just want to be calm and relax and not have to think about any of what just happened.

-> [Look Who's Inside Again]

-> Unlocked. Probably Midas to Icarus? Or just someone outside looking in at Icarus in the moment after their wings break. This song specifically being more about Icarus’ desperation to get to their bunker - and their feelings while inside of it. How this is just like the prison - putting themself into a box, a prison, a *room*, to keep people safe. To keep them from hurting people. They're back here again - trapped in a box with no way of getting out until someone comes to get them, yelling at the person who (for all intents and purposes) put them there. They're back here again, *inside* again.

-> The whole idea of Fable, after he gets out, beginning to isolate and cage Icarus - with the guise of keeping them safe. He’s removing them from their friends and family and leaving *him* as the only person Icarus can safely - at least in their mind - rely on.

-> I have further words about Fable and Icarus in regards to this song, and that’s really tying into the “again” aspect of this. Viewing this through the lens that this is Fable isolating Icarus, and the visions of a child shown throughout this song, then it’s not terribly hard to come to the idea that this probably isn’t the first time Fable did this - isolate and cage and manipulate - Icarus. That whole idea that his manipulation and abuse has been going on for much longer than we see on screen - this isn’t a new thing. He did this before and he’s doing it again and Icarus just has to deal with that. (Even if they don’t *know* he did this when they were a child. They don’t remember any of that aspect of themself.)

-> [Let Me Make You Proud]

-> That whole idea that yes, Icarus has failed and made mistakes and disappointed Fable - probably time and time and *time* again - but that they really, really, *really* want to make it up to him. They want to make him proud because they feel so much like a failure after everything that keeps happening - they want to make all their mistakes and missteps up to him. They want to make it up to him and they keep trying and trying and *trying* to do that. (And, arguably, failing at it rather often.)

-> [the fruits]

-> The whole idea of how Icarus wants so desperately to help Fable and all he’s doing, but the idea of how Fable can’t see that they’re not entirely them - can’t see just how much they can keep falling and repeating history and just how badly they’re doing. The whole idea that they can’t help him - they can be the person he wants them to be and the person he’s trying to make them into because they’re not entirely themself in the whole sense of them; they can’t be that if they’re not entirely themself - they can’t help him like he wants them to, and how they spiral because of that.

-> [Loser Baby]

-> Centross and Icarus. Kind of to each other. This song is. So *incredibly* drinking stream coded. Just. That realization of just how similar the two of them are, just how much they have in common, just how much they're both going through the same shitty situation. That realization that they can *rely* on eachother. The realization of how they're so so *incredibly* similar - especially in regards to Enderian and Fable - and how they're both losers, they're both having a bad bad time, but they can do it together. (Which, arguably, they’ve known for a while - but it becomes a lot clearer in the drinking stream; especially with Icarus calling Centross their best friend.)

-> [Down the River]

-> *Breaking Bonds* - This song is very Athena to Icarus. The whole idea that Icarus likes to run and hide and leave the past and everything they’ve done behind and not acknowledge it whatsoever - How they can’t do that; How even if Icarus wants to forget and leave and run, others aren’t going to do that for them - Others are still going to remember all of this and all they’ve done, and what happens to them, the grove, once Icarus leaves and decides to ignore it. What happens then? What happens to all those people you’ve hurt?

-> [Hero]

-> Centross’ death. That way Icarus just spends that immediate moment after him fading just trying to convince themself it's *okay.* They're okay and he's okay and he'll be *back* and it's okay. Them just trying to convince themself it's alright and trying so so desperately to comfort themself in this hell. Arguably, also almost their anger at Fable for killing their best friend - that immediate sharp anger and bared teeth (“I'm the hero of the story, don't need to be saved.” Just that whole idea that Centross saved them - but he shouldn't have had to. They were the *hero* of this story, no one should have to save them - and no one should have to *die* doing that if they even tried. Icarus’ whole thing is trying to save themself, figure out ways they can fix it *themself.* No one should have to die because Icarus couldn’t do that. They’re a prince, they’re supposed to be alone. People shouldn’t have to die because they weren’t.)

-> [Can't Catch Me Now]

-> Centross almost like. Taunting Fable and trying to comfort Icarus. How he's always going to be there for Icarus, he's always watching over them, even if he can't tell them and show them that physically, he is *there.* But also almost taunting Fable in regards to the fact that Fable can't catch him now; Fable will not find him no matter what he tries and attempts, he will see Centross everywhere, be reminded of him just like Icarus is, and he *will not* find him - and won't be able to bring him back.

-> [Do What You Gotta Do]

-> This that short bit after Fable kills Centross where Icarus just *yells* at Fable. That snark, that anger that Fable *did that* - and Fable's argument that he “did what he had to”, and that was *necessary*; Fable did this (killed Centross) because he had too, Icarus should hear him out. Just that whole conversation between Icarus and Fable after he kills Centross, and that whole falling out between the two of them, and that whole slow manipulation from Fable's end as the conversation continued. (Also Fable's whole “being a god” thing-)

-> [The Cave]

-> Centross to Icarus after the cathedral. How he *will* be there for them, no matter what, but also how he has other duties to attend to - but also also how he can't stick around due to the fact that Fable is currently killing every God in his sight, taking every power for himself. How Centross *wants* Icarus to know he's there for them, but also how he can't physically be there. He'll try his *hardest* to keep them alive - try his hardest to keep them going until the end.

-> [Paid in Exposure]

-> Very much Coworkers - just that whole idea of doing only what they're told and becoming, a, a coworker, and b, one of the bad guys - or the people on the stereotypically “bad” side.

-> [Natural]

-> *Also* Coworkers. That whole idea that for them to be on this side of this war they have to be assholes - they have to be cold and sharp and not care, and the whole idea that they're *good at it.* The idea that all three of them are good at that - they're almost naturals at it. They don't have to practice because they can settle into that role far, far too easily. (Also “Rather be the hunter than the prey” is incredibly Coworkers - because they all know that Fable is hunting gods and hunting people down, and they'd rather be beside him as he does that than cowering beneath his sword.)

-> [Burning Pile]

-> Just like the whole idea of wanting to put all your problems in a big pile and just light them up and on fire - kill them, get rid of them, ignore them. That whole idea of wanting to get rid of all your current problems, all the shitty stuff you’ve gone through, get rid of it all and never properly look back - you’ve burnt it, it’s gone, you don’t have to think about it anymore. (Or, that’s the dream at least. Not really what ends up happening in the end.)

-> [Can't Go Back]

-> Just that whole idea that Icarus should forgive themself - how most of this isn't really *their* fault, and how they should be learning to forgive themself for that - not blame themself for stuff that isn't their fault. (Also the whole idea that none of this is *fair* - it's not fair to them and nor fair for Fable and not fair to *anyone* in the grove.)

-> This definitely feels like Violet trying his absolute hardest to comfort Icarus the best he can even though he can’t physically be there with them in the moment (and he won’t be able to be for a while. (And even when he was able to be there for him, at the end, it wasn’t for very long.)

-> [Try To Change]

-> How Icarus just keeps trying to change, change and change and change, they're trying so incredibly hard, and it just keeps failing. The whole idea that they can’t find it in themself to change - there's safety in it, they’ve always been like this, why wouldn’t they just keep going and being like this. Why would they try - there is *no* point to it. They’re safe like this, Dad likes them like this, why would they change into something he wouldn’t?

-> [Let Us All Down]

-> Just that whole idea of how the Grove feels about Icarus working with Fable. Arguably, they all thought Icarus could be good - they gave Icarus so so *so* many chances, they didn't think that they'd go this route. They didn't think they'd be involved in Centross’ death like this and this didn't think and and and. (Also, arguably, Icarus spiraling. Just *thinking* about what people would say, what people would think, what they would *feel*, how they would react.)

-> Arguably kinda sorta maybe Two Shall Break/Two Shall Mourn for the priorly explained reasons.

-> [Lima Bean Man]

-> Icarus about Momboo. Icarus so *desperately* wants Momboo to not be dead, so desperately wants to be able to bring her back. Not necessarily telling themself she *isn't* dead, but that she *can't* be - because that means they killed another person, that means they did it *again.*

-> [Shots]

-> Icarus to. Everyone basically. They're so so *sorry* - they're breaking down crying near everyday by this point, and they just keep *killing people.* (“why do I kill everything that I love?”) and they're so so *sorry.* But also that they need everyone to know they're *in too deep* - People aren't going to be able to save them now, not through normal means. It's not going to happen - they need to let Icarus drift away because if they *don't*? More people will only get hurt.

-> While I won’t elaborate on this statement, as it speaks for itself, your friendly reminder that Icarus did not truly hate their father when they killed him - Icarus still held some sort of semblance of love for him, even at the end, even after everything, even as they stabbed that trident into his chest as he revealed he was never going to bring Centross back.

-> [Prodigal]

-> That whole idea that where Icarus is right now is all their own fault. They caused it, it's their fault, and there's nothing they can really do about it. They're alone, they've dug themself a hole and fallen down it (because that's all they do, really) and they can't get out - and it's their fault. It's all their fault - it always *is* their fault.

-> [Solitary Confinement]

-> They're alone! After Momboo, and after their conversation with Athena, they're *alone* - Confined. And they're. Okay with it, almost. They wanted to push people away, wanted to be alone, because it makes all of this so so much easier. But they *really* wish they didn't have to do it. Didn't have to push people away like that, didn't *have* to do this to everyone and themself. They do it, yes, because in the end it will benefit them to do so, but they really really don't like doing it - they're spiraling. (And really, they have been for months.)

-> a “devious read” by yours truly according to the sherbertquake56

-> [No Longer You]

-> Okay. Now. What I'm about to say *might* sound like. horribly wrong because everyone kind of looks at this and goes “oh the prophet is Haley” and to that I say. Nope. No, the prophet is Midas. This song is *Midas* talking to Icarus about their future - regardless of how this goes. Because Midas would know what would happen after they “Draw their final breath” so to speak - Midas would know. Haley wouldn't. Also, because I'm a little loser, and the fact this song *really* lends itself to this, line by line analysis.

“I see a song of past romance” Perhaps talking about Momboo? This line could be very ambiguous. Cause you could also argue Wet Birds, but I'm not sure that really *fits.* (If you wanted to go the Prison Duo route, you probably could as well.)

“I see the sacrifice of man.” This line being about Centross - Sacrificing himself to save both Icarus, as well as the rest of his family.

“I see portrayals of betrayal,” This line being about Jamie - Betraying the family they *had* for the family they *want.*

“And a brother's final stand.” This is. Just the ‘A Brother's Final Stand’ stream. Rae trying so so *so* hard to save his brother, and failing because they *just* don't *want* (don't think they need, don't think they deserve) help.

“I see you on the brink of death.” Icarus after they kill Fable. Or, really, Icarus throughout the last week-ish; throughout that they're on the brink of death, they're *dying.* (They have been for almost 5 months - but after he dies Icarus is left so much worse off because Fable isn’t around and alive to keep Quixis’ powers at bay.)

“I see you draw your final breath.” Them *jumping* - Them thinking they were going to die. Them being fully fully accepting of it.

“I see a man who gets to make it home alive.” Midas pulling Icarus into the Worldport, *alive* - telling them that they'll be able to go back home eventually.

“But it's no longer you…” But the person Icarus would become after all that time in the Worldport, after leaving it, would be starkly different to the person that entered it - that it wouldn't really be Icarus anymore. It'd be Icarus, of course, but they'd know and have been changed that they wouldn't be the Icarus they *were.*

Just. It really encompasses those last few months of Icarus’ life before becoming Quixis - those last few months of pain and desperation and *bad.*

-> [Monster]

-> The whole idea of how Icarus *will* be the monster if they have to. They'll kill and slaughter and murder and *be* the monster if it means they'll all make to end - if it means they'll get to bring everyone back, *fix* everything.

-> [No Children]

-> This is very much Icarus’ mentality at the end - about Fable and about Rae and about *everyone.* That idea that they don't want to be saved anymore, not like this. That idea that if they have to go down - they're going to take Fable with them. That idea that they just want Rae and *everyone* to give up on them - and, arguably, that idea that if *they* die, they want Fable to come down with them. Uh. Well here's another set of far more detailed line analysis <3 Not the last one either <3

“I hope that our few remaining friends give up on trying to save us.” That whole idea that Icarus doesn’t want to be saved - not like this. They don’t want to and they don't think they’re deserving of it - they fully hope that Rae gives up on trying to save them.

“I hope we come up with a fail-safe plot to piss off the dumb few that forgave us.” While they didn’t *know* it’d be fail-safe, Jamie. Because by this point there were *very* few people still trying to save and help them - and really, to their knowledge, it was *just* Rae - and to them? To those people *that* was the tipping point. For that last week they were left completely alone because they had *finally* pissed off the people trying to save them.

“I hope the fences we mended fall down beneath their own weight.” Very similarly to that previous line, during Family Reunion - arguably - Rae and Icarus had *kind of* mended their relationship. Icarus didn’t like that - Icarus really hoped that he’d just let it go. They really hoped that the weight of everything would mean their relationship, whatever Rae thought was left of it - at least, would just crumble. That Icarus wouldn’t have to hold on to him and their family anymore because holding onto it means there is *complications* and attachments and they really can't have that - not now.

“And I hope we hang on past the last exit. I hope it's already too late.” That whole idea that Icarus was in too deep - Icarus was going to hold on and stay attached to Fable until the very, very, *very* end. That whole idea that Icarus very much thought, very much hoped, that they were too far gone and it was far, *far* too late to turn back now. (Also that whole idea that

“In my life, I hope I lie. And tell everyone you were a good wife.” Okay, a, that whole idea that Icarus lies about *nearly* everything - they lie about so, so, *so* much that it’s really all they do and hope to do. B, that idea that they so desperately want to see their father as a good person - so desperately want *everyone else* to think he’s a good person; to the point that they *will* lie about it, they hope to, they hope they get the opportunity to lie about it.

“And I hope you die. I hope we both die.” *If he dies they don’t have to do this anymore.* Just that whole idea that if he dies they do not, really and truly, have to continue to do any of this. They can fully and completely leave it behind and *gods* how they really, really want to do that. Also, arguably, that whole idea that they don’t think they’re worth saving, and that whole idea that they think they fuck everything up and ruin it regardless of how much they’re trying. If they both die between now and the end, then when this is all over no one will have to get hurt anymore - their family will be *safe* and sound and they won’t have to stress about themself *or* their family *or* what their father is doing.

“I hope I cut myself shaving tomorrow. I hope it bleeds all day long.” That idea that icarus thinks they’re deserving of all the hurt and pain and sorrow sent their way. All this pain and suffering and the way it’s constant - they fully, *fully* think they’re deserving of it; they fully hope it keeps happening solely to prove that point. (This is not the time or place to go on a rant - but I would like to bring up how, after Centross dies, whenever Icarus gets really injured - unless it's dire dire - they refuse to use potions on themself. And even when it *is* dire they’re almost hesitant about it.)

“Our friends say it's darkest before the sun rises; we're pretty sure they're all wrong.” Rae thinking he can save Icarus, save them despite everything they’ve done and despite all they’ve been through - and Icarus thinking, *knowing*, he can’t. Regardless of what he says, Icarus knows they’re in too deep and knows that means Rae can’t save them or get through to them very easily.

“I hope the worst isn't over.” Ties back to the line before last - that idea that Icarus thinks they deserve all the pain and suffering they’re going through. It’s their fault, they deserve it, maybe they don’t really like it very much by they do understand where its coming from and they can agree with it because deep down they *know* what they’re doing is so very very wrong.

“I am drowning. There is no sign of land.” They’re falling and falling deeper into this little pit they’ve dug themself and they can’t find a hand hold to even start trying to climb themself out. They are lost and *alone* with no one there to help and they *know it.*

“You are coming down with me, hand in unlovable hand.” That idea that if Icarus goes down - they’ll take, to try to take, Fable with them. That idea that both themself and Fable are seemingly unlovable - at least in Icarus’ eyes - and the two of them would go down hand in hand; it’ll be one of their faults and they’d drag the other down with them (Also, arguably, Icarus and Midas as well - if Icarus goes down they want to drag Midas down with them; if Midas goes down they’ll inevitably *have* to drag Icarus down with them. The two of them are so intertwined that if one goes down they’ll drag the other whether they want to or not.)

-> [Mr. Author]

-> How Icarus really just wants this to all *stop* and finish up - how it's been going on for so long and they don't know how much longer they can keep going like this. How they want to talk to the person who wrote their story like this - talk to the person that keeps *letting them do this*, want to talk to the author ruining their life.

-> [Icarus]

-> Something about Fable realizing, however small, that his actions are hurting Icarus. How Icarus is hurting and dying, and how he can't *fix it* - he's not going to be able to fix it, fix *them*, make them what he wants them to be. He can't save them in the way he wants to - they're *going* to die and gods he won't be able to stop it. Specifically right at the end, Fable's death by his own son's hands.

-> [The Bad Guy]

-> That whole idea that all Icarus wanted to do, really and truly, was *fix* everything - but that's not how it went. They went to bad places to fix things, they became the bad guy. They didn't want to be, of course - not again, not after last time - but that's what *happened.* They became the bad guy, and they're finally finally realizing it. (Only, it's really too late, because they're dying now.)

-> [In My Blood]

-> Just that whole idea that this is how Icarus is always going to be, how this is how Icarus is and there's no changing it - how it's in their blood to do this, to *be like* this - how there's no stopping it, no turning back.

-> [Daniel In The Den]

-> Really just that whole idea of Icarus killing Fable, and the following way they attempt to move on. That way Fable was killed by “the ones you think you love” - Icarus, yes, but really everyone contributed. (And, arguably, almost that bit of anger Icarus harbors toward Fable at the end - that idea he wasn't ever going to fix this; that all this pain and suffering was for *nothing.*)

[Section Six - They're. Kind of God now. Question mark. Maybe. I dunno, Icarixis is. Yeah. They're a guy. That's for sure.]

-> [Ruin]

-> They have a conversation. This is simply Midas and Icarus having a back and forth conversation about mistakes and Quixis and *all of it.* It’s very hard to summarize - so uh. Hi line by line analysis, welcome back-

(ICARUS)

“I will bring you ruin in everything I do.” Something about how no matter what Icraus does and no matter how hard they try - they ruin things. Their family, their house, their friends house, their *life.* They bring the people in their life - including Midas, and including themself - ruin and pain no matter what they do.

“It’s never my intention, but it happens all the same.” Icarus rarely means to hurt their family and friends like that - it’s rarely their intention but it *happens.* They can’t stop it happening, be it because of the wack or because they’re trying to *fix something* or or or. They never mean to hurt people - they don’t *like* hurting people - but it just keeps happening and happening and *happening.*

“It starts with love and comfort, becomes a strength of will.” Arguably, talking about their time in the three resets they remember. It started good and okay and alright and it just slowly became their goal to just *survive* - it became a strength of will to just keep going after every little thing that just kept *happening;* After all the death and harm and suffering they’d experience they had to fight to keep going.

“But all that strength made rubble of the towers we built.” Icarus keeping going like they did broke *so much.* The Worldport, Midas, Themself, *The overworld.* It all fell apart, was all unstable, because of *them* - all of that kept falling apart into rubble because of *them.* (And, arguably, also partially because of Midas.)

“Cause brick by brick, you built us and I’d fill in the cracks.” Midas helped build this world, this *life* for Icarus. They built it brick by brick - keeping Icarus from being Quixis so young gave them *this* - a family, a life, safety. Midas built it, and Icarus made it *theirs.*

“Nothing quite prepares you for when they don’t come back.” Icarus wasn't prepared for when Centross didn't come back - when it wasn't just a fluke. They weren't prepared for being *alone* and by themself for that long and they weren't prepared for him just being. Dead.

“I wish I’d done things different, I wish that I’d been brave.” Something about wishing they'd home about getting Centross back differently - not killing people, not doing any of that. Something about wanting to be braver - be braver to leave Him and side with their brother and the rest of their family and not side with the person who killed Centross and who killed so many people. Something about *wanting that.*

“I wish I’d known these stones were something I could save.” Arguably, something about wishing to have known that they could have saved Midas so much earlier - could've taken up their role *months* (*years*) ago and saved Midas so much pain and bad and suffering.

(MIDAS)

“Our mortar was your laughter.” Something about the funnier aspects of Midas changing things - it kept them together. At least for a little bit. It kept everything okay and alright - the silly-ness of it all. (Obviously that didn’t stick very long.)

“And you hurled curses at the land.” Icarus yelling and ranting and being so *angry* at Midas. That anger that Icarus just let boil simmering over whenever something bad or upsetting or just *annoying* happened.

“We didn’t talk, we made universes - out of bitten lips and broken hands.” Something about how Icarus and MIdas never talked talked - sure they had the book and their comms but they never really properly *talked.* Something about how despite that, they built things through their pain and hurt. They built friendships and lives and all of that - even without talking.

“You said, “I love you less than when it all began.”” When it first started Icraus didn’t think anything of it - wanted to know what was up with it but also wasn’t really *worried.* Icarus, at the beginning, almost thought it slightly funny. They didn’t really care what it did. But as time went on and as Midas lost more and more control and as the wack got worse and worse and as it broke more and more - the less and less Icarus liked it. It lost its novelty once it started hurting people.

“And I said fewer cause I make jokes to show how broken I really am.” Something about Midas communicating very *directly* with the wack and their comm and things as the end came closer and closer - they stopped with the messing around and the jokes and the silly changes they used to do, and they just became serious calls for help on both ends. (And beyond the direct communication - the *interfering* with things that could get Icraus hurt or killed.) Gone are the jokes and the small silly laughable changes, replaced with calls for help and calls for *something* because Midas was dying and so was the Worldport. And something about how the direct communication was a lot more spread apart in comparison to Midas’ jokes.

“And in the wreck of all we burnt, stands our piano like a wound.” Something about how in the wreck of everything Midas has done, and everything Icarus has done - The two of them still stand tall, *alive.* And something about how so does the Worldport - despite all the decay and all the things it's been through, it's still alive and it's still going and it's still holding all the worlds and it's slowly getting fixed and and and.

“I’ll play our song to see if it’s in tune.” Arguably, something about letting Icarus see to the end of their story. Letting the song play rather than stopping it far far too early - letting Icarus live and learn and seeing if they’ll make the correct choice; seeing if the song is in tune.

“And I promise to be patient.” Something about how Midas kept *going* - no matter what happened and no matter how much it seemed like Icarus was too far gone and no matter how much it seemed like Icarus wasn’t going to make the right choice, Midas persisted. They were so patient with them - waiting and waiting and *waiting* until Icarus *did it.*

“And you promise to be kind.” Something something Icarus never really wanted to hurt their family - they just wanted their best friend back something something Midas telling them that they’ll be - *knowing they will be* - a good Quixis something something to be Quixis you need to be kind and considerate and things like that something something

“”We can rest,” you say, “in the pieces of what’s left or what we’ve found.”” Guys we don’t know where Midas is, but we do know they’re *somewhere.* Something about Icarus taking up the mantle of Quixis means Midas *finally* gets a break. Midas finally gets to rest and relax after so long of not being able to and having to constantly be doing something wand watching someone - Midas can just *rest.* (Wherever that may be, we have yet to find out.)

“I wish I’d done things different, oh, I wish I’d made it right” Something about how even if Midas doesn’t regret what they did - doesn’t regret leaving Icarus to live their life, doesn’t regret keeping them from being Quixis - part of them probably wishes they had done it differently. Something about wishing so many people didn’t have to die, or their worlds decay, or or or. Something about wishing they had made it right earlier - so they didn’t have to go through nearly as much pain. (So they didn’t have to go through feeling their body decay and *rot* from the inside out.) Something about wishing that, but not regretting - not truly - how you did it in the first place.

“But we’ll burn a hundred theaters, If it means we get the wallpaper right” Something about how Midas would let the Worldport fall apart, let worlds die, let *themself* die, if it meant Icarus got to see the end of their story - if it meant Icarus got to live the whole of their life that had been written out. They’d let it all die, let so much decay and fall apart until it was even decaying *them,* if it meant Icarus didn’t have to Quixis so young (they were younger than midas), if it meant Icarus got to say goodbye.

“Nothing quite prepared me for when that piano sang again.” While we don’t know exactly what Midas has been up to fo the past 2 months since the finale - I feel like finally getting a break and *centuries* and finally passing on your title and finally being *yourself* (or, mostly yourself) again wouldn’t be something you'd prepare yourself for in years of being alone - something about not being prepared to be able to rest and be yourself again after so long of *not* being able to do those things.

“Tomorrow I’ll do things different.” Maybe a bit more Icarus than it is Midas (Mostly because there’s not much more different Midas can do, not now, not after so much time has passed) - something about knowing what happens when you wait to bring a Quixis and something about vowing to *not* do that and put all of the Sherbs through that for a second time. Something about vowing to be different than the person you look so much alike. (Something about vowing to be different than Fable.)

“Tomorrow I’ll be brave.” This one is Midas - something about finally being brave enough to pass on the title of Quixis to Icarus, finally being able to let it go - give it up. (Even if it was just the end of Icarus’ story - even if it was the only logical time to pull them and pass it on - it was still brave. They had waited *so long.*)

-> [Icarus & Apollo]

-> Something about Midas living vicariously through Icarus. Something about Icarus showing Midas *so much* about life and their world and everything. Something about in turn Midas showing Icarus how to be Quixis, how to do this job *correctly* and not fuck it up like they did. Just that whole idea of ascension.

-> [505]

-> I guess Midas after Icarus ascends. That idea of going back home and not really knowing what awaits you. You have an idea, a concept of what might, and you're fully *prepared* for it. That idea of them *knowing* they have to leave after Icarus takes their place - or something like that.

-> [Show Yourself]

-> Icarus to Midas - How they just want to know what in the *world* Midas wants with them, and wants to do with them. Why Midas is following them, why they're changing the stuff they are, the decay, the eye - just wanting to *know*, but also very promptly ignoring Midas more often than not.

-> [Who You Are]

-> They're supposed to be Quixis!!! This is exactly who and where they're supposed to be!! This song really feels very Midas talking to Icarus - Telling them all of this as encouragement that they're going to do good, and that this is exactly where they're supposed to be, regardless.

-> [The Last Goodbye]

-> Saving the multiverse with another version of you. This is very Midas and Icarus coded - How Midas was willing to go down hand in hand with Icarus if it meant the multiverse surviving; also how Icarus was completely willing to take up the mantle of Quixis, even if it meant the people back home couldn't remember them.

-> Something about how they both think they're gonna die, Icarus and Midas - something about it.

-> [still feel.]

-> Dying over and over again, being reset over and over and *over* again, and yet. They still feel alive. Fable pulled them from the grave more times than they can count, and they still feel *alive* despite all that's happened.

-> Quixis is where they're supposed to be, Despite *jumping* they're still here, and they're still alive, and they're still *living.*

-> [Back To Black]

-> Oh so very wet birds. Something about them genuinely only saying goodbye with words - they didn't hug, didn't touch, no. Only words. Something about Ven going back to when he got pulled out, going back to Fable and all of the consequences that come with it. That whole idea Icarus isn't going to go back like that - they're going to go back to the present day and they're *going* to remember him.

-> [Spring and a Storm]

-> This one feels just very general epilogue/post finale times to me. Just everyone off doing their own thing, having fun and being happy. Reminiscing about the past *sure*, but having fun and being good all the same. (If you wanna look at it through an Icarus *specific* lens, for some added angst - Icarus watching their family and friends grow and be happy and gain things they couldn't gain before, while they're in the Worldport. Watching their family grow and get to be truly truly happy while they work on cleaning up Midas’ unintentional mess.)

-> [Ghost Song]

-> Just the whole idea of how after becoming Quixis, Icarus isn't reality seen or *known* anymore - And how they so desperately want to be. How they so desperately want to be seen and known and lived, but they can't - not for a while. How at this point they're just a ghost - changing and lurking, an entity everyone knows the name of, but not knows properly. Also almost that whole idea that they spend so much of their time watching over the Grove while their in the Worldport; changing and altering the small things so people, even if they won’t know until Icarus comes back, know they’re *there.*

-> [Introduction to the Snow]

-> Just that whole idea of now that Icarus is Quixis, they're alone. The Worldport is *empty* - no one is physically there with them, they're alone. They can't talk to anyone, no matter how much they so desperately want to. Also how this is *exactly* where they're meant to be.

-> [Today Today]

-> Just very ‘end of season 3’ coded - how upset Icarus, how much they were just *crying*, and they couldn't seem to stop regardless of how hard they tried. Also that whole idea of time going so so much slower in the Worldport, how ‘today' to Icarus must feel so so much different now. Also just that whole idea of being stuck between places, having everything to do because of everything up with the Worldport. That whole idea of so much happening in all the worlds they’re watching - there's so much to see and watch and understand and and and.

[Section Seven - Group songs, but an asterisk is attached to the first 4 because I write those pre stream and pre playlist re-organize- (sherbert please why did you do that right before stream-)]

-> [Machine]

-> The doubting of Fable's ideals, the realization of maybe they (Icarus) aren't doing the right thing by doing this, and how they don't *really* want to be a part of this anymore - how they don't want to be a part of Fable's machine, don't want to be a tool in his tool box, a means to an end.

-> The Idea that none of the people here, any of the members of the grove throughout the seasons, *want* to be a part of any of this - what to be here, want to do this, want to see any of this. The idea they don't want anymore resets - don't want anymore people to go through this, don't want to be a part of this revolving machine Fable has built for them.

-> [Suburbia Overture / Greetings from Mary Bell Township! / (Vampire) Culture / Love Me, Normally]

-> Just that whole idea of how Icarus is just *angry* at Fable - How they're beginning to doubt him, and his ideals, and how they're just angry at the concept that he won't bring people back - that this was all for *nothing.* Also just them being so incredibly angry at *everyone.*

-> This is also very just season 1. Just the anger at Enderian and Ominous Bane and. All of season 1 and its hardships.

-> [Enemy]

-> Something about how, especially at the end, *everyone* wanted Icarus dead, gone, or both. They didn't want to be friends with Icarus, they'd been given too many chances, and no one was willing to save them anymore. How everyone wants to be, *is*, Icarus’ enemy by the end.

-> Just. The idea of everyone, at some point, being each other's enemy. At some point everyone has been on opposite sides with someone else in the grove - and that meant everyone else was going to side with *one* of them.

-> [The Search]

-> Just Icarus’ mentality right at the end, trying to find something, *anything,* that'd save or fix them, regardless of what. Searching for something they won't find, looking for something they can't see. Also their whole mentality towards Fable - anger and annoyance and *mad* - how in the end they end up killing like he almost killed them.

-> The whole idea of everyone like. Looking for something they can't find, can't get back, can't *see* - and the idea that over time they all slowly grow angry toward Fable and the resets and everything that's taken *anything* from them.

-> [Misery Fell]

-> I feel like you could argue this is either the very end of season 3 coded, or just the grove coded in general. Something about how they're constantly going through terrible terrible things - constantly having misery fall upon them.

-> [When You're an Adams]

-> How living in the grove is often a while experience - How you need to be prepared for anything, really, because you never know what's gonna happen next; never know what Gods are going to get involved or whatever people are going to go on a harming spree or or or.

-> [Ready As I'll Ever Be]

-> Either Perix fight coded, Or the Faction preparing to fight Fable. Something about getting ready for this big battle and fight, while the other side does exactly the same as that.

-> [We Don't Talk About Bruno]

-> I feel like you could argue either Enderian or Fable? The grove singing about them - respectively. Enderian mostly after season one, while the singing about Fable more now. How they probably don't really want to talk about much of that, no matter how far into the future it gets.

#i dont even fucking know chat #2 months of work - for you <3 #18320 is a good number by the way. its round and i rarara #yeah okay i. hope you all enjoy <3 #and to chat - who may or may not see these tags on stream tomorrow - yeah im always like this #oh icarus morningstar and their silly goofy ways <3 #sherbertquake56 #quixis #icarus morningstar #fable smp #fablesmp #fsmp #not to analyze songs on your dash - but to analyze songs on your dash #a tag to help find my own posts

171 notes · View notes

likeadevils · 1 year

Text

1989 Timeline

This is a very long post that puts all the songs on 1989 in order of Taylor creating them. I’ve also included a few other songs she worked on while writing 1989 and quotes from Taylor and her collaborators talking about her process

Of all the albums in Taylor's discography, I think this is the one that improves the most when you listen to it in order. All of those things Taylor was talking about in the promo for this album-- how this is an album of her coming into her own, figuring out her values, learning to stand on her own two feet-- it all clicks into place. Listening to it in order has made me cry on more than one occasion, and it's also the thing that made me start this whole crazy process of figuring out the dates she wrote each song.

If you don't want to read the whole post, check out this playlist of the album in order or this playlist of her entire discography.

I’ve also added this color coded scale of how sure I am of the date:

Confirmed: There is some type of official source for the date

Inferring: Nobody has officially said “This is when we wrote it,” but all available evidence points to that date

Speculation: This date is based on guesswork and is highly likely to change, or, all that is known is the general season.

Unknown: All that is known is the year (from the US Copyright Offices)

Without further ado...

Oct 6, 2012: Taylor seems to have been in a studio in London (Note: I have no idea where this photo comes from and I can not find a place that specifies if this is a music studio or radio interview.)

This Love: Oct 17, 2012 (Confirmed)

October 19, 2012: Taylor mentions wanting to work with Imogen Heap, prompting Imogen to get in touch with Taylor

Time Interview: Who’d be your dream collaboration, especially now that you’re taking more musical risks? Let me think. Imogen Heap! She’s amazing. Taylor: Someone asked me in an interview "Who would you like to work with?" and I said Imogen Heap. I get an email to my management, sent like "Imogen just saw that Taylor just said an interview that she would like to work together" She said "Why don't you come out to my studio." Imogen: I got a phone call [in 2014] saying Taylor Swift was in London, she'd love to work with me and the only date she could do (between 4 sold out 02 arenas!) was the day after we got back, Sunday. It was both unexpected and not at the same time as I'd heard Taylor was a fan a while back via this Time magazine piece but somehow didn't think it would actually happen.

Fall 2012: Taylor possibly writes a song with Harry Styles and Jacknife Lee (her producer for The Last Time).

Jacknife Lee: “It was out of my field of expertise and interest, but I was intrigued and my girls were thrilled. Taylor was nice and very professional. She knew what she wanted and there was no fucking about. She was seeing Harry Styles at the time, so he came to Topanga on her recommendation. She wrote a few songs with him, and it was the same thing – quick. But this time it was more directed by the management and label. They were after something specific. I wanted more acoustic and gentle, almost Americana, and they wanted bombast. They got what they wanted, and that was the extent of my foray into teen-pop territory. It was fun.”

All You Had to Do Was Stay: Jan 10, 2013 (Confirmed)

Taylor is photographed outside Conway, and then tweets "Back in the studio. Uh oh..." Later, Taylor confirmed that she was recording All You Had To Do Was Stay. Taylor: I had a dream that my ex showed up at my door, knocked at my door, and I opened it up, and I was about ready to launch into the perfect thing to say [...], Instead, all that would come out of my mouth was that high-pitched chorus of people singing, 'Stay!'...and then you go to say something else, and it's just like 'Stay! Stay! Stay!' And I woke up, I was like 'Oh, that was mortifying. But that's kind of a cool vocal part.'

January 11, 2013: Taylor is photographed outside Conway again

How You Get The Girl: Jan 15, 2013 (Confirmed)

Taylor posts a picture of her playing a guitar in the studio, captioned "Somewhere in LA..". Later, Taylor confirmed that she was recording How You Get The Girl. Given what was going on in her personal life, she likely wrote this sometime in the fall/winter of 2012, but all we know for sure is the date she recorded it.

February 9, 2013: Tweets "Grammy rehearsals last night, studio today, who knows what tonight holds! (I do. Laying around watching TV and eating candy.)"

March 6, 2013: Taylor is photographed outside a studio in LA

March 23, 2013: Posts a picture of her playing guitar captioned "Pre show. Columbia, South Carolina"

I Wish You Would: May 28, 2013 (Inferring)

Taylor is photographed out for lunch in Rhode Island with Lena Dunham and Jack Antonoff on May 27, before leaving for her show in Phoenix, Arizona the next day Taylor: "Max Martin and [Karl Johan] Shellback [Schuster] were the last people I collaborated with on [2012 album] Red, and I wished we could have done more and explored more. So going into this album, I knew that I wanted to start with them again. Then I thought, “Wouldn’t it be amazing to work with Ryan Tedder?” And then I was with Jack Antonoff and Lena Dunham at the beach, and we started talking about our favorite ’80s music. All of this started happening organically, and I found myself gravitating toward pop sensibilities, pop hooks, pop production styles." Jack: "We were hanging out at her house in Rhode Island and we were talking about John Hughes movies, and a lot of the music that inspired [them], and just this general culture of sound in that time period that was really larger-than-life in an anthemic, positive way. These songs could be at the end of films that were really, really beautiful and said a lot. That actually ended up being a song called 'I Wish You Would' which is going to be on her album. We first worked on that song together and realized we kind of have a good thing. Taylor: “This is a song I did with Jack Antonoff, and Jack is one of my friends and so we were hanging out and he pulled out his phone and goes "I made this amazing track the other day. It's so cool, I love these guitar sounds." And he played it for me and immediately I could hear this finished song in my head, and I just said "Please, please let me have that. Let me play with it, like send it to me" And so he sent it to me and I was on tour and this was me playing the track on my laptop recording me singing the vocal into my phone and it ended up being a song called "I Wish You Would", because Jack wrote back and said "I love that".”

June 7, 2013: At the CMA fest, Taylor is asked if she's started writing for her next album yet

“It's starting, all the anxiety is starting and when the anxiety starts, then the writing happens right afterward, usually. Um, so, yeah, I basically... I like to, I like to write for about two years before I'm finished with an album because I... at this point I kind of know that whenever I write in the first year is going to get thrown away, because, I'm going to like it, but it's going to sound a little bit like the last project I had, and the second year usually ends up sounding like the next project. So I think at this point, at this point I feel like staying the same is the easy way to go but it's not the way that I want to go, creatively. I think you need to challenge yourself, I think you need to change up your influences, I think you need to be inspired by different things that you've been inspired by before, and, uh, y'know, It's harder to call people you don't know, and it's harder to think of topics you haven't covered and think of new ways to say old emotions that everyone feels, but, that's the goal at this point."

June 20-21, 2013: Taylor and Selena Gomez hang out, and Taylor potentially writes Wildest Dreams.

July 15, 2013: Taylor gives a brief interview to Rolling Stone

“The floodgates just opened the last couple weeks,” she says of the songwriting process. “I’m getting to that point where I’m irritating to be around because I’ll be with you for half the conversation and then the second half of the conversation I’m clearly editing the second verse of whatever I’m writing in my head.” “I really loved collaborating [on Red],” she says. “You work with a lot of different people and you find the people you have this dream connection with in the studio. I know those people and I know the ones I want to go back to. But I also have a really long list of the people I admire and I would really love to go and contact. So that’s kind of where that is.” “I think that the idea of having a different approach to every single one of my albums is so exciting to me. I never want to make the same record twice. Why do it? What’s the point? It’s so overwhelming that when you’re starting a project there are such endless possibilities if you’re willing to evolve and experiment. If you’re willing to become a different version of yourself, you can really go anywhere with it. And that’s kind of where I am. The kind of the laboratory experimental stage of really catching onto a new thing that I’m liking.”

July 18, 2013: Taylor unfollows the three backup dancers that left her tour for Katy's, meaning Bad Blood was likely written sometime between July and November 2013.

Sweeter Than Fiction: Summer 2013 (Speculation)

Taylor wrote this one over email, and then it was recorded in New York (partially in Jack's living room, partially in an actual studio)

August 25, 2013: Taylor and Selena Gomez hang out at the VMAs, and Taylor potentially writes Wildest Dreams.

August 25, 2013: Taylor gives a brief interview on the VMAs red carpet

"But I think [songwriting is] about to start to kick into full gear. I'm about to go into the studio. It's about to get really intense."

Out Of The Woods: September 14 2013 (Inferring)

On September 14, Fun cancelled their show. Taylor was likely either flying to or from Charlottesville, where she had a show for the Red Tour. Jack: "When I did the track for Out of the Woods, which is a Taylor song that I'm really proud of, there was some issue at a venue and our show was canceled that night and I didn't have my stuff, I had left it on the bus, so I only had these old samples on what was on my laptop, and caught up that 'oh oh'' thing, and I only had one drum kit on there, and these dumb little things [sometimes turn into a great song]" Jack: "So 'Out Of The Woods' was the third thing we worked on together, and probably the easiest. I sent her the track for it, and she sent back a voice note with the verse and chorus in what felt like five seconds. And it was just perfect. It's eerie how similar it is to what the final product is." Taylor: "This is a track that Jack Antonoff sent me, and I was actually on a plane, I got it and I got on a plane and I'm listening to it, and I'm just like listening to it and mumbling melodies cause the song came to me immediately like, in full [...] I think what I should start by playing you, is when I got the track, what I sent him like an hour later, and it is, me.. um, me singing what came to me, which ended up being the finished version of the song, or at least really close to it."

September 20, 2013: In a brief interview with USA Today, Taylor says she plans to work on her next album between the next few legs of the Red Tour

"I’ll be in the studio, figuring out what comes next. I really like to take two years to make a record, and I’ve been writing and doing stuff for the last year. This is kind of the year that it goes into overdrive, and it’s all I think about and I become obsessive over it and I’m hard to talk to"

September 22, 2013: Taylor gives an interview to New York Magazine where she talks about her plans for TS5

These days, Swift is thinking a lot about her next record. While on the Red tour, she’d been writing songs and stockpiling ideas: reams of lyrics, thousands of voice memos in her iPhone [...] she plans to spend much of 2014 writing and recording the new album, a prospect she finds exhilarating and terrifying. “I worry about everything. Some days I wake up in a mind-set of, like, ‘Okay, it’s been a good run.’ By afternoon, I could have a change of mood and feel like anything is possible and I can’t wait to make this kind of music I’ve never made before. And then by evening, I could be terrified of the whole thing again. And then at night, I’ll write a song before bed.” Swift hopes to collaborate with new songwriters and producers. But she planned to begin, she said, by heading back into the studio with Max Martin and Shellback. “I want to go in with Max and Johan first, just to figure out what the bone structure of this record is going to be. “I have a lot of things to draw from emotionally at the moment. But I have to draw from them with a different perspective than on Red. I can’t say the same things over and over, you know? I mean, I think it’s just all the more important that I don’t ever allow myself to coast. At the same time, there’s a mistake that I see artists make when they’re on their fourth or fifth record, and they think innovation is more important than solid songwriting. The most terrible letdown as a listener for me is when I’m listening to a song and I see what they were trying to do. Like, where there’s a dance break that doesn’t make any sense, there’s a rap that shouldn’t be there, there’s like a beat change that’s, like, the coolest, hippest thing this six months—but it has nothing to do with the feeling, it has nothing to do with the emotion, it has nothing to do with the lyric. I never want to put things in songs just because that might make them popular, like, on the more rhythmic stations or in dance clubs. I really don’t want a compilation of sounds. I just need them to be songs.”

September 28-October 5, 2013: Taylor and Selena Gomez are in the same city, and Taylor potentially writes Wildest Dreams.

October 12, 2013: Taylor gives an interview to the Associated Press

Swift: I think the goal for the next album is to continue to change, and never change in the same way twice [...] How do I write these figurative diary entries in ways that I’ve never written them before and to a sonic backdrop that I’ve never explored before? It’s my fifth album, which is crazy to think about, but I think what I’m noticing about it so far is it’s definitely taking a different turn than anything I’ve done before. AP: You said recently you’ve been working on songs for the new album for about six months. What can you tell us about what you have planned? Swift: It’s too early to tell who are going to be my predominant collaborators, but I do know that my absolute dream collaborators were Shellback and Max Martin on the last project. I’ve never been so challenged as a songwriter. I’ve never learned so much. I’ve never just been so excited to show up to the studio every day, just because you never know what we’re going to put together. I’ll bring in ideas and they’ll take such a different turn than where I thought they were going to go, and that level of unexpected spontaneity is something that really thrills me in the process of making music. ... What if we did this? What if we made it weirder? What if we took it darker? I love people who have endless strange and exciting ideas about where music can go."

October 14, 2013: At the NSAI, Taylor talks about reinventing herself for different albums

"I’m making my 5th record now, so I think you have to change things up, you have to explore different corners of music as much as you can. Cause I really, it’s been a big goal of mine to never make two albums that sounded the same. I really want my fans to be able to be like "Oh that song? Clearly that's from the Fearless album", "No that one, that one was from Red" and so I’m in the process of doing that thing all over again for my 5th album and it’s amazing to be in the studio and to be songwriting again, and be honored for songwriting tonight"

Blank Space: October 26, 2013 (Inferring)

It looks like she’s wearing the same outfit in this behind the scenes footage and these candids Taylor: "I was going into write with Max Martin and Shellback, who are two of the primary collaborators on 1989, and I... was preparing all these things, and I, I think Blank Space was like the third thing I played them, and they just stopped and they were like "NO, this is the first thing we're working on today." [...] I had the idea for the chorus and I had the hook, but a lot of the verse was gibberish." Taylor (On what song took her the least amount of time to write): "Blank space, cause I'd written a lot of the lines down already in the year preceding the session"

October 29, 2013: Tweets "Sitting in the studio writing the next album (!!!!) and wanted to thank you for the American Music Award nominations!"

November 1 : While promoting Keds, Taylor is asked about her next album

"What I go through is going to be the story that I tell. I think lyrically, I always try to tell my fans exactly what’s happened to me in the last two years, and that’s the thing they can expect. Everything else, they won’t be able to expect. Having been in the studio with this one, I’m just like… oh, this is going to be fun"

Bad Blood: Fall 2013 (Speculation)

The backup dancer drama seems to have kicked off in mid-July. Given that it's produced by Max Martin and Shellback, and Taylor was in the studio with them pretty much non-stop from October-November, we can assume that it was recorded sometime in the Fall of 2013

New Romantics: Fall 2013 (Speculation)

Unfortunately, Taylor doesn't really talk about this song. Given that it's produced by Max Martin and Shellback, and Taylor was in the studio with them pretty much non-stop from October-November, we can assume that it was recorded sometime in the Fall of 2013

Wildest Dreams: Fall 2013 (Speculation)

Selena reportedly told a fan she was there when Taylor wrote this, and I've noted above all the times Selena could have been with Taylor in 2013 (Here's my personal ranking of how likely each date is). Given that it's produced by Max Martin and Shellback, and Taylor was in the studio with them pretty much non-stop from October-November, we can assume that it was recorded sometime in the Fall of 2013.

Wonderland: Fall 2013 (Speculation)

Another one Taylor just doesn't talk about all that often. Given that it's produced by Max Martin and Shellback, and Taylor was in the studio with them pretty much non-stop from October-November, we can assume that it was recorded sometime in the Fall of 2013

Nov 20, 2013: Taylor posted "While in the studio, I came to the realization that my bangs are long enough to use as a sleep mask on long flights. Then I remembered I don't ever use sleep masks on flights. So really, I just need a haircut"

November 25, 2013: Taylor and Scott Borchetta have a meeting to talk about her plans for TS5 and are both asked about the next album at the AMAs

Taylor: “We got a lot already. There are probably seven or eight [songs] that I know I want on the record. It’s really ahead of schedule for me. I’m just stoked because it’s already evolved into a new sound, and that’s all I wanted. And I would have taken two years to make that happen, but it just kind of happened naturally, so that’s all I could really ask for.” Scott Borchetta: "Well earlier today we got together and she played me seven new songs, and she’s just on fire. The level of desire and passion that she has just to keep getting better, she’s an artist that just really never wants to just say ‘Well okay this is good enough’. It’s always gotta be better. She’s in amazing creative place right now." By the end of November, Taylor had likely recorded This Love, All You Had To Do Was Stay, How You Get The Girl, I Wish You Would, Out Of The Woods, Blank Space, Bad Blood, New Romantics, Wildest Dreams, and Wonderland. That’s 10 songs total, 5 of which were likely recorded in the past two months, and 7 that had been made since Taylor and Jack had their conversation about 80s music in May.

Dec 21, 2013: Taylor briefly talks to Billboard about TS5

"I’m really loving collaboration right now [...] I see it as a bit of an apprenticeship. I want to be around people who love writing songs and have done it for years. Every time I’m in a studio I’m learning, like how to build a drum track, and getting a new perspective on things. It’s so thrilling to keep learning on your fifth album. As soon as [an album] comes out I’m figuring out what the next one will be. It’s gotten to the point where each one is a reinvention, which is what I like best. I like it when it sounds new and people don’t know where you’re going to go next."

Say Don't Go: Jan 1, 2014 (Confirmed)

Diane Warren: Warren, who typically writes on her own, says the two of them “sat down and wrote the song […] from scratch” during the last few days of 2013. She remembers being impressed with how specific Swift was with her lyricism and how considerate she was about how her fans might receive it. “She was very particular about how she said certain things. It was a really interesting experience. She gets her audience [...] She’s deeply aware of how her fans want to hear something. I can’t explain it, but that’s probably why she’s the biggest fucking star in the world.” Several days after writing the song together, they got into Warren’s office to record a demo, where Swift played it on her acoustic guitar. “We demoed it on New Year’s Day. And I’m a workaholic, and that’s fine for me,” she says. “But I remember being impressed that she did, too. Everybody’s on vacation, but she showed up.”

You Are In Love: Jan 2014 (Inferring)

This song is copyrighted for 2014. Taylor has said a few times that Clean, Shake It Off, and Style were the last songs written for the album, meaning You Are In Love was likely completed in January or early February. Given Taylor's busy schedule in late January and early February, I'd guess this was written at some point in early January. Furthermore, I'd guess it was sometime after the 9th, when she returned from looking at house in New York.

I Know Places: Jan 22, 2014 (Confirmed)

Taylor: "I sent this voice memo to Ryan Tedder because I'd always wanted to work with him, and finally we scheduled some studio time. So I always wanna be prepared, I wanted to send him the idea that I was working on before we went into the studio just in case he wrote back and said "I can't stand that, I wanna work on something else, think of something else" So I just sat down with the piano, put my phone on top of the piano and just kind of explained to him where I wanted to go with the song, how I saw the melody sitting in and we ended up recording the song the next day and it ended up being on the record called "I Know Places" So this was the voice memo that I sent to him the night before we ended up finishing the song"

Welcome To New York: Jan 23, 2014 (Confirmed)

Ryan Tedder: "I thought we were going to walk in and start something from scratch because that's what I was used to. Then she calls me and says, 'Is it cool if I already have an idea?' I said, 'Sure.' She said, 'I have this song, I'm obsessed with New York and I just moved there, I want to write an ode to New York because no one's done it in a long time.' And then she sent me a voice memo. She's like, 'I want it to sound like 1980s.' So the next day I brought in a Juno-106, which is a very 1980s keyboard and I literally programmed that entire song right in front of her. It was very much on the fly, and that song was done in about three hours. And I did the rest of the production I think later that week. I was in Switzerland on a tour bus, and I did four versions of 'Welcome to New York,' one of which I liked personally more, but the thing about artists is they become very obsessed with the demo. She was in love with the demo so no matter how hard I fought, she brought it back to the demo, so really what you hear is what I did on the first day."

January 26 2014: Dianne Warren says that she recently wrote a song with Taylor

"I worked with Taylor Swift on a great song [...] I'm excited about the [song] that we did, it's pretty cool Dianne in 2016: “I know [Swift] likes it, so hopefully it will see the light of day. I know she really likes the song. She didn’t want me to give it away, so hopefully that means she wants it.”

January 26 2014: Taylor loses Album of the Year at the Grammy's to Daft Punk. She tells a few different stories about what the rest of the night looked like for her-- in some she goes home alone, in some she has some friends over-- but in all of them, this is the night where she decides that she's gonna name the album 1989, and she's not going to let her label tell her to put any country songs on it.

Clean: Feb 9, 2014 (Confirmed)

According to Imogen Heap's blog post, Taylor had the first verse and chorus by the time they got into the studio, and then wrote the second verse and bridge during the session. Taylor's part was wrapped up in 9 hours, ending at 8pm, while Imogen stayed up until 4am because she didn't want to stop working on it. Taylor: ""Shake It Off" and "Clean" were the last two things we wrote for the record, so it shows you where I ended up mentally. “Clean” I wrote as I was walking out of Liberty in London. Someone I used to date— it hit me that I’d been in the same city as him for two weeks and I hadn’t thought about it. When it did hit me, it was like, ‘Oh, I hope he’s doing well’. And nothing else. [...] The first thought that came to my mind was – I’m finally clean." Imogen Heap: I was really writing the tiniest amount just to help her do what she does. I put some noises to [“Clean”], played various instruments on it, including drums, and anytime she expressed she liked something I was doing, I did it more. It was a really fun day. She recorded all her vocals [for “Clean”] during that one session. She did two takes, and the second take was it. We always thought she would probably re-record it, because we thought it can’t possibly be that easy. But after we lived with it for a few months, we felt it was great.

February 15, 2014: Taylor posts "It was a studio Valentines Day with Max and Johan!"

Shake It Off: Feb 15, 2014 (Confirmed)

Lover Diaries (From Feb 22): "This week I’ve been in the studio with Max and Johan every day and it has been the most creatively successful and fulfilling time. The first day, Johan just made a really up tempo drum beat because we decided we needed something UP and light. We worked at it for a few hours before I just started singing “shake it off, shake it off.” And then the best way I know how to describe it is that the chorus just fell out of the sky. It ended up being this song about doing your own thing even though haters are gonna hate, and you just have to dance to your own beat. We all went home and I wrote the first and second verses and brought them in the next day. We wrote this chanty cheer leader bridge that I absolutely LOVE. We spent all day doing vocals and the next day recording background vocals. I think it’ll end up being the first single and Max said it’s his favorite song he’s ever been a part of." Taylor: "The problem was, I had all these lyrics, and I didnt have, like... writing session was coming up and I'm just like "I'm not getting a melody, I'm dead, I don't know what I'm gonna do." The thought terrified me, so I just sorta sulked into the studio and I was like "Guys, I have like an idea but its like, lyric, but I... and I know the vibe I want-- I want it to start off and the second the song starts, I want it to be the song where like, if it's played at a wedding, and there's this one girl who hasn't danced all night at the reception, all her friends come over to her and there like "You have to dance, come on, you have to dance on this one!". That's what I wanted. So I was like "Shellback, can you just go to the drum kit and try to play that?" Taylor: "There's one thing that I've always said to Max, is like "I don't like horns" I just always had a thing about it, I was always like weirdly scared of it, or intimidated by horns, I don't know what it was? It's a weird, like, nerdy studio fear of mine. I was like "No, no horns!" and I don't.. I don't even know, I don't have a reason for it, I love songs that have horns on them, I was just like "I don't think I can pull off horns." Strange. But, he goes over to the mellotron and he starts playing this horn sound. I'm like "What are you doing. Don't do that." and he's like, "No, I think this is cool" and I'm like "No it's not cool, and where are your chorus chords, because, that, you're just playing three chords over and over again and I can't make a chorus out of them, why don't you go to like a chorus chord that starts off the chorus, where is the one, like why don't you go--" and then there was this moment, where I thought of the whole chorus, and it's over the chords that I had just told him are not "chorus chords", which is a ridiculous thing to say."

February 18, 2014: Taylor is photographed entering Conway Studios

Style: Feb 19, 2014 (Confirmed)

Niklas Ljungfelt (guitarist): I played on “Style,” a song I started with Ali Payami for ourselves. He was playing it for Max Martin at his studio; Taylor overheard it and loved it. She and Max wrote new lyrics. But I recorded the guitar on it before it was a Taylor song. It was an instrumental. I didn’t have a clue that Taylor would sing on it. The inspiration came from Daft Punk and funky electronic music. Taylor: I'm pretty sure after we finished this one I knew the record was done. Shake It Off and Style were the last two songs to be written for 1989.

March 2014: Taylor's interview with Glamour is published (likely conducted two months beforehand)

TS: Working on this album has been unbelievable [...] I'm already in love with it. It's so different. CL: What's the new sound? TS: On Red I did three songs with Max Martin Shellback [...] I think we'll be doing a lot more than three songs together on the next album [Laughs].

March 26, 2014: Taylor is photographed entering a music studio in New York

May 30, 2014: Taylor writes in her diary:

So a crazy story unfolded in the last 24 hours. Last night, I had this vivid dream where the photo I’d chosen for the album cover wasn’t good enough, intriguing enough, artful enough. It woke me up. I couldn’t shake it and it stayed with me all day. Because that nagging feeling I’d been pushing back for weeks was now confirmed in my gut … It wasn’t good enough. I went to the venue, mind racing, wondering if I’d have to do an entirely new photo shoot … I got to my dressing room with newer versions of the “cover.” I looked at it and felt nothing. The team pulled up this new scanned file of the Polaroids we had taken during the shoot. I saw within 10 seconds. The shot. The cover. It’s a Polaroid of me sitting against a beige wall with a blue seagull swear shirt on. You can see my red lips, but the photo cuts off my eyes. From some reason unknown to me, it’s the most intriguing photo I’ve seen. I think it’s the mystery of not seeing my eyes. Maybe it just looks effortlessly cool. The craziest moment came when something caught my eye. The cover photo is photo 13. I kid you not.

August 23, 2014: Taylor is photographed walking out of a studio in LA (Note: I can not find a place that specifies if this is a recording studio, dance, photography, radio, or television studio.)

Now That We Don't Talk: Summer 2014 (Speculation)

Seeing as Taylor said she didn't have time to figure out the production, I imagine this came fairly late in the process. Taylor has a habit of adding songs right up to the deadline-- with Folklore and Evermore, she added multiple songs a week before the album came out. The latest she added songs to albums while signed to Big Machine was September, though (both Forever & Always and So It Goes...), so I assume that's the absolute latest she could've added a song to 1989. Taylor: "Now That We Don’t Talk” is one of my favorite songs that was left behind, it was so hard to leave it behind, but I think we wrote it a little bit towards the end of the process and we couldn’t get the production right at the time. But we had tons of time to perfect the production this time and figure out what we wanted this song to sound like. I think it’s the shortest song I’ve ever had, but I think it packs a punch, I think it really goes in. For the short amount of time we have, I think it makes its point.

And that's all for this timeline! Check out my others:

TIMELINES: debut • fearless • speak now • red • 1989 • rep • lover • folklore • evermore • midnights PLAYLISTS: debut • fearless • speak now • red • 1989 • rep • lover • folklore • evermore • midnights • entire discography GENERAL: tag

#txt*#timeline*#taylor swift #OH MY GOD ITS OUT ITS OUT ITS OUT I'VE BEEN RESEARCHING THIS FOR THREE YEARS AND IT'S DONE #!!!!!#as always let me know if you want further sourcing on anything/if you spot a typo or something

443 notes · View notes

from-the-clouds · 2 years

Text

texas sun - joel miller x f!reader - vol. 1

series masterlist | series playlist | writing masterlist |

summary: When you let your new neighbor’s daughter inside to call her father from your landline, you never expect to be dealing with the fallout twenty years later. Series will take place before and after the outbreak, and is partially inspired by this request. Slow-burn(ish), eventual smut. pairing: pre-outbreak!joel miller x f!reader words: 6.4k chapter warnings: mentions of/encounters with a drunk person, references to absent parents, i imply that both reader (and joel) like pineapple on pizza. a/n: i need to get my shit together and make a proper masterlist/post for this series but i'm absolute garbage with photoshop/making collages so that is a project for another day!! for now, i wanted to get this first part out to ya'll. i watched a playthrough of the game too so ill be including some references to that throughout the series. this will be some hallmark-movie ass romance so strap in!! this chapter was super fun to write and i loved writing for reader and sarah, give it a read and let me know what you think!

-March 7, 2003-

“Excuse me? Ma’am? Excuse me?”

The voice behind you is so timid you don’t hear it right away, especially not when your phone is pressed to your ear with your shoulder as you sort through the mail, your coworker droning on and on…

“Ma’am?”

It’s a little more forceful this time, a little closer too, and that’s when it finally gets your attention. Turning around on your heel, you find a young girl standing behind you, one hand hooked in the strap of her backpack that hangs off of one thin shoulder, the other worrying about the butterfly pendant of the necklace she’s wearing.

You recognize her immediately as one of your neighbors, the girl from across the street whose name you didn’t know yet, because you only moved in about two months ago. You’d met the man who you assumed was her father – Joe? Or was it Joel?, you couldn’t remember – the first day you’d moved in, but there had been so much going on that you were too flustered to be engaged.

It’s a Friday, but apparently that doesn’t keep you safe from work calls after you leave the office, because you’re getting an earful of a whole lot of hot air, so much so that you’re probably unintentionally frowning at the girl in front of you while you try to follow the conversation.

“....I think you’re right, but they’re not going to budge unless we sweeten the deal somehow-”

“Can I call you back?” you blurt, ultimately thankful for the interruption. You don’t even wait for his response before you click off your blackberry, sighing, looking up. “Hi, yeah, sorry. Can I help you?”

“Uhm, I’m Sarah…..Miller….I live across the street?” her voice goes up slightly at the end of the sentence, like she’s unsure, even as she points to the home behind her, a two-story place that’s considerably bigger than your own, but maybe a little older. “I uhm…I locked myself out and I was wondering if I could use your phone…to call my dad at work? Please?”

“Oh, yeah,” you say. “That’s fine. Just uh..follow me I guess.”

Tucking the stack of mail in your hand under your arm, you wave her after you, your kitten heels clicking on the hard pavement of your driveway.

“Be careful here,” you warn her as you step over the middle step to your front porch that has rotted, and gives easily under any amount of weight. You’d learned about it the hard way, last week, and still had the bruise on your leg to show for it.

Your front door is open, and Sarah pauses to take off her shoes when you do, a pair of beat-up white Converse that have been doodled on in Sharpie.

“Here, phone’s right there,” you lead her into the kitchen and point to the landline. “Can I get you anything to drink?”

“Uhm, could I just get some water…please?” She stands rigidly in your kitchen, rocking back and forth on her heels.

“Of course,” you reach into the cabinet. Once the glass is filled and placed in front of her, you retreat to your front living area to give her some privacy while she makes the call, sitting on the couch and scrolling through unanswered emails on your blackberry. Sarah mumbles indiscreetly, until you hear her call out again.

“Uhm…ma’am…I’m sorry, Miss…uh-what’s your last name?”

“Oh,” you sit up, giving her your first instead.

“Okay….Uh, my dad wants to talk to you…could you-”

“Sure,” you stand, stepping back into the kitchen, and accepting the receiver from the girl.

“Hello?”

“Hey, this is Joel Miller,” you’re greeted with a low, gruff drawl. “You’re the new neighbor, I believe introduced myself a while back”

“Joel,” you repeat. It’s Joel. Joel, Joel, Joel, you force yourself to remember. Joel and Sarah Miller. “Yes, we met very briefly.”

“And it sounds like you met Sarah.”

“Yeah.”

On the other end of the line, you hear him hesitate, let out a long sigh. “Look, I hate to put you out, but she lost her key to the house, and she tells me the Adlers aren’t home. Do you think she could stay at your place until I’m able to get off work in a couple hours? I know it’s a big ask, but-”

“Of course she can,” you cut him off, peering over your shoulder at Sarah, who’s staring up at you expectantly with wide, terrified eyes.

“Really?”

“Yeah, it’s no big deal.”

“She’s probably got homework so I’ll make sure she stays quiet and out of your way. I’m so sorry, she should know better than this. It’s the second time this month this has happened, I keep tellin’ her-”

“Like I said, it’s not a big deal,” you cut him off, unintentionally, before wondering if it was rude you didn’t let him finish. It’s the native New Yorker in you, always in a rush and uninterested in drawn-out excuses. It’s an unfortunate instinct you’ve been trying to train yourself out of, particularly now that you’re living in the southwest. You soften your tone. “She can stay as long as she needs to, seriously. I don’t have anything planned.”

“Okay,” the voice on the other end sounds relieved. “Thank you. Thank you so much. I should be home by nine, I’ll call if anything changes. Thanks so much.”

“Of course, we’ll be fine. See you soon.” You hang up.

Sarah is still behind you when you turn around, clutching the glass of water she’s got in both hands like a vice. “You can stay here until your dad gets home,” you tell her.

“Did….did he sound mad?”

“Maybe a little stressed,” you’re honest. “But….not mad. I also don’t know him, so…”

“I bet he’ll be mad. This is the second time I’ve locked myself out this month because I forgot my key, and I already got lectured once that last time because he had to leave work early.”

“You made a mistake, people forget things…” you shrug. “I’m sure he’ll get over it.”

Her shoulders relax slightly, and she looks around like it’s the first time she’s actually registered where she’s at. “You have a nice house. It’s cozy.”

“Thanks,” you put your hands on your hips and look around too. “I’m still settling in, so not everything’s unpacked, but I could give you a tour if you’d like?”

“Yes ma’am.”

Ma’am. That tickles you. The address is still not something you’re used to hearing, even though you’ve only been in Austin a few years. “You can just call me by my first name, you know? Ma’am makes me feel old.”

“Really?” she grins, following you down the hall. “I can’t wait to be old.”

“You’ll feel differently someday,” you answer. “But…I guess it’s not so bad.”

Compared to the house you grew up in, your new house is nothing special, but it’s yours, and you couldn’t be prouder that you’d bought it all on your own. It’s a three-bedroom ranch, and you’d converted one of the rooms into an office for yourself. There’s a kitchen, living room, and den. But your favorite part is your large, screened in back porch that overlooks your yard. Now that it’s getting closer to summer, you sit outside in the mornings with a cup of tea and read the newspaper, listen to the birds.

“Can I do my homework at your kitchen table?” Sarah asks once you’re finished showing her around.

“Make yourself comfortable wherever,” you answer. “I could probably stand to get a little work done myself.”

Sarah sits at your dining room table, spreads out her books, and works quietly while you answer some emails and look over some contracts. You’ve got a big meeting Monday with a potential client, and a giant stack of term sheets to go through, but if you could manage to get some of it done tonight it might actually help you down the line. As much as possible, you try to avoid doing too much work outside of your office’s standard hours, but sometimes, it’s inevitable.

The subject Sarah has homework in is algebra, which renders you useless. Even when you have to do any accounting at work, you’re used to having a calculator nearby. It’d been awhile since you spent time with anyone as young as she was – in sixth grade, she told you – and it was starting to serve as a confirmation of your own dysfunctional childhood, because her carefree, sweet nature was so drastically different from anything you remembered feeling.

After about an hour, Sarah slowly starts to close her notebooks, zipping her pencils back up in plastic pouches. You look up from making revisions on a contract, the smell of blue ink heavy in the air around you. “I’m done,” she announces. “Could I sit on your couch and read?”

“Of course,” you answer. “Give me five and I’ll join you.”

It doesn’t take long for you to find a good stopping point, and you pack up your messenger bag, and join Sarah in the living room. “So…I’m starting to get hungry,” you tell her. “Are you?”

Sarah nods sheepishly.

“I could order us something,” you said. “What do you like?”

You aren’t much of a chef, though you can generally figure your way out around any recipe. However, cooking for one is notoriously tedious. If you had multiple mouths to feed, maybe you’d be tempted to hone your skills in the kitchen a little more. Most nights you usually treated yourself to a depressing, hastily thrown together salad, scrambled eggs, or a PB&J. Tonight, you had actually been planning to take yourself out to dinner – there’s a cute little French bistro down the street and you were hoping to treat yourself to a cocktail and a nice meal while you read.

Sarah closes her book, contemplating. “Could we….get a pizza?”

You think about it. “Sure, yeah. Pepperoni…cheese?”

“Can we get….one of both?” she tests.

“Yeah, we can do both,” You smile. “I bet your dad will be hungry, too, he can have some if he wants.”

“Maybe…he likes pineapple on his,” Sarah wrinkles her nose.

“He has good taste. I do too.”

“Gross.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll keep them separate,” you call over your shoulder as you retreat to the kitchen.

Once the pizza is ordered, you return to your living room and curl up on the opposite side of the couch from Sarah, who is engrossed back in her book. “They told me about 30 minutes. What are you reading?”

“To Kill A Mockingbird,” she says, showing you the cover.

“That was one of my favorites growing up.”

“I have to read it for school…but it’s pretty good so far.”

Your phone pings with another email, and you glance at it quickly.

“Is that work?” she asks.

You nod. “Yeah. It still finds you, even when you leave.”

“What do you do?”

“I’m a lawyer.”

“No way!” Sarah perks up. “Like on the tv shows? That’s so cool.”

You snort, shaking your head. “No, not exactly. I’m a corporate lawyer so it’s not as fun, actually, it’s just a lot of paperwork and meetings…”

“So…you don’t like it, then?”

“It’s….” you think about it. “....Fine.” Did you like your job? It wasn’t really something you thought about in that way, you’d always seen it as a means to an end. “I went to law school because my dad wanted me to…he wanted me to work for him someday. And…that didn’t pan out so…yeah. But you know…it pays well, and….”

“You get to wear cool outfits,” she gestures to you.

“Yeah, I guess I do. Although the heels do get a little uncomfortable.”

Sarah’s eyes shift behind you for a second to the hallway leading to your bedroom, then widen excitedly. “You have a cat?”

You turn around to see what she’s looking at, the white and gray ball of fluff that you’d found underneath a dumpster one late night in college.

“Yeah, that’s Martini.”

“Martini,” she giggles, and the cat approaches her cautiously. He’s notoriously shy and quiet, and not even particularly cuddly, but he likes to sleep at the foot of your bed and will sit next to you on the couch if you stay still for long enough.

The cat sniffs Sarah’s outstretched hand, then presses his face into Sarah’s palm so she can scratch him under his chin, his favorite spot. “He’s not usually a fan of strangers, he must like you.”

“I love animals,” she says. “My dad won’t let me get a pet because he says he’ll end up taking care of it.”

You chuckle. “Cats are pretty easy…at least, he is.”

Martini allows himself about twenty seconds worth of affection before he darts out of the room and heads to his food bowl.

“I’m gonna go change out of my work clothes, I’ll be right back,” you push yourself off the couch and walk down the hallway. Any other night and you probably would’ve been in pajamas awhile ago but that’s probably not acceptable, so you settle for jeans and a sweater, which is much more comfortable than the dress and tights you had been in before.

The pizza arrives and after you tip the driver, set it on your kitchen island and pull some plates out of your cupboard. You and Sarah are both long settled with full plates when you speak again.

“Wow….I forgot how good pizza is…” you say, staring at the half eaten piece in your hand.

“You don’t eat pizza?”

“Usually only when I’m drunk,” you say, then immediately realize you’re talking to an eleven year old. “Oops, I…probably shouldn’t be telling you that.”

She giggles. “It’s okay.”

“So, it’s just you and your dad across the street?” you ask. “Does your mom live with you?”

The second the question registers, you immediately regret asking. Sarah shrinks before you, her face dropping, shaking her head. “No I…I don’t really have a mom.”

“I’m sorry,” you say, softly. You just assumed she existed although you’d never seen her, and you feel guilty, racking your brain for something that might help make her feel better. “I understand, my mom wasn’t really around growing up.”

“She wasn’t?” Sarah asked, looking up.

You shake your head. “My parents got divorced when I was young, my dad took us, and she moved across the country, so….I didn’t see much of her.”

“My mom… she left when I was a baby.”

“I’m sorry.” You say again, staring at the girl in front of you.

For a moment, looking at her, you see yourself, and you wonder how a parent can wake up one day and choose to ignore someone that’s one half of themselves. Someone they made. If they really understood what that might do to a person’s psyche, growing up thinking that they weren’t wanted. You had always told yourself that your mother, your parents must have not understood, because if they did, and they still chose to do it…

“Are you married?” Sarah asks, and you’re snapped out of your train of thought.

Taking a bite of pizza, you shake your head no.

“So you live here alone?”

You nod, chewing.

“Do you like it?”

You nod, swallow. “It’s better than having a roommate, or living in the city.”

Standing up, you walk towards the fridge for a can of sparkling water. It hisses while you open it, and you lean over the counter while Sarah continues to drill you. “Do you ever get….scared? Like at night?”

“No….not really. I have locks. And this is a safe neighborhood. And uh, I may or may not have a nightlight still.”

Sarah giggles. “Me too.”

There’s a sturdy knock on your screen door, which you’d left open to let in the cool spring breeze, and you notice Sarah’s eyes widen. “I bet that’s my dad.”

As if he heard her, and maybe he did, the guest calls out. “It’s Joel!” It’s the same voice from over the phone, but much clearer.

“Come in,” you answer.

The screen door creaks open, the sound of boots shuffling inside. “Sarah?” It’s the same voice from the phone. Joel steps into the warm light of the kitchen.

When you first met it had been from a distance, you were carrying boxes and he was loading something into the back of his truck. It’s clear you hadn’t gotten a good enough look at him, wouldn’t have forgotten his name, because fuck, he’s kind of gorgeous…tan skin, dark wavy hair, and a sharp jawline covered in stubble. In the archway to your kitchen he looks huge, taller than you remembered.

“Hi Dad,” Sarah says. “Miss-“

You cut her off simply by saying your first name. “Nice to meet you…again.”

“It’s nice to meet you, too, and thank you so much for keeping an eye on her. We’ll get out of your ha-”

“We got you pizza,” Sarah pipes up, looking at him. You can tell that she’s trying to stall. Or at least, trying to offer him something that might soften the inevitable lecture she’s going to get. It’s a smart play, and definitely not something you would’ve been above trying at her age.

Joel looks at the three pizza boxes spread across your countertop. “You didn’t have to feed her, really, like I said, she should’ve known better,” he turns to look at her pointedly.

“I had to eat anyway. Please, help yourself. There’s a ton of leftovers,” You really did not want cold pizza in your fridge, because it’d be too tempting to eat as a late night snack or even breakfast on your way out the door in the mornings.

Reluctantly, he looks at you before taking a plate. “Thank you,�� he turns to his daughter while he opens one of the boxes. “Did you get your homework done?”

Sarah nods. “And I got ahead on my reading for English.”

“That’s good.”

Joel turns back to you, settles in a chair with the plate of food in front of him at the island. You do the same. “I’m sorry I haven’t had the time to come over and properly introduce myself. Sarah too.”

You shrug. “I’m the new neighbor, that’s probably my responsibility anyways. It’s been kind of hectic settling in.”

“Where’d you move from?”

“Well, I’ve been in Austin for the past few years, but originally I’m from Manhattan.”

Joel nods. “Why Texas?”

It’s far away from my insane family, you think, and then settle on something else. “Work.”

Sarah is staring at her plate and tearing a piece of crust into tiny pieces. Joel eyes the slice of pizza he’s just taken a bite of.

“Pineapple?” he looks over at Sarah. “Are you tryin’ to bribe me so you don’t get in trouble?”

“It’s my favorite, too,” you offer, then wink at Sarah when Joel isn’t looking. She tilts her head down, her hair hiding the grin on her face from her father.

A buzzing sound cuts through the room before Joel can answer, and he digs in his pocket to fish out his cell phone. “Hold on, I gotta take this.”

When he steps out of the room, you begin to clear the empty boxes and plates off your kitchen island and bring them over to the sink. Sarah brings her plate over as well, stands next to you at the sink while you rinse them off and load them in the dishwasher.

“Thank you for dinner,” she says.

“Of course,” you answer.

“I just really hope he’s not disappointed with me.”

Placing your hand between her shoulder blades, you give her an encouraging pat. “I don’t think he is….” you hear Joel on the phone in the other room, his voice rising in volume. “....and honestly….it sounds like he might have bigger fish to fry…”

“Tommy…are you fucking kidding me? Again? How many times is this gonna happen? Okay…fine. fine. I’ll be there soon, but you can’t keep doing this shit.”

Sarah grimaces, and you both turn back to the sink sheepishly when you hear Joel’s footsteps returning. She bumps you with her elbow while you clear your throat.

You’re sure there’s still a residual smile on your face when you turn around to face Joel, who has his hands on his hips. “Alright, Sarah, we gotta get going.”

“Is everything okay with Uncle Tommy?”

“No, I’ve gotta pick him up at the police station.”

“Did he drink too much again?”

“Sarah!” Joel exclaims. “Please, it’s gettin’ late and you’ve got a soccer game tomorrow, you need to get to bed.”

You’re biting your lower lip so hard to keep from laughing you almost taste blood. It’s not funny, definitely not funny to Joel, who you can tell is having a rough night, but it’s objectively funny as an outsider, watching all their familial drama being put on blast by his daughter who doesn’t quite have a filter yet, and is first and foremost trying to protect herself from getting into trouble.

“She’s a lawyer, I bet she could help Tommy,” Sarah looks over at you. “Couldn’t you?”

Joel frowns. “That’s not how that works-”

“What’d they bring him in for?” you ask.

Joel runs a hand through his hair. “Public intoxication. Are you really a lawyer?”

“Well…I’m a corporate lawyer so that wouldn’t really be my specialty. But uh…I’ve definitely been able to talk my friends out of that kind of thing before.”

“But this is not the first time,” Joel says. “It’s probably useless.”

“Didn’t you say you can’t afford to keep-”

“Sarah, enough.” Joel’s voice is as stern as you’ve heard it, and he digs into his pocket, producing a keychain. “Go home and get ready for bed. I’ll be home in a minute.”

Sarah sighs, defeated. “Okay.”

Joel stands dead still while she shuffles to the door, cramming her feet in her shoes with her backpack slung over her shoulder.

By this point in the evening, you’d usually be curled up on your couch by the fireplace with your latest knitting project, moderately stoned, watching bad reality television and sipping sleepytime herbal tea. But your night has already gone drastically different from your expectation. Why stop now? “If you wanted…I could try to help.”

Joel shakes his head, looks at the floor. “I can’t ask that of you.”

“You didn’t ask,” you shrug. “I offered.”

He looks up, a soft smile breaks across his face, revealing a row of straight, sparkling teeth, the corners of his eyes crinkling. It’s the first sincere smile you’ve ever seen from him, and your knees feel a little weak at the sight of it. You think you might offer him anything just to see it again. “It’d be a huge favor. But….I’d appreciate it.”

“Alright well…” you look around, push yourself off the countertop. “I probably should change before we go. I don’t think I’ll be taken seriously in this.”

He chuckles. “Yeah, I need to make sure Sarah gets to bed alright, how ‘bout you meet me on my porch in ten?”

“I’ll be there.”

“Thanks again,” he raps his knuckles on the counter twice before retreating, and you stay in place until you hear the screen door close behind him.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“I feel like you’re meeting us all at a very chaotic time….I promise, things aren’t usually like this.”

Joel’s not sure why he feels the need to clarify this to you on the drive to the police station. In fact, he might be saying it more to convince himself, because he thinks ever since Sarah’s mom ran off, things have never not been chaotic.

In some ways, he’s glad it happened. It was a doomed relationship from the start, they’d both been far too young to understand the consequences of their actions, so it was probably for the better that she was no longer around. But he was caught in a constant state of feeling like he could never quite get a handle on things.

Joel glances over at you in the passenger's seat of his truck. He decides that you look a little out of place there, dressed in a black pantsuit, a messenger bag tucked between your heel-clad feet. He can’t remember the last time there was an adult woman in his car. Three months, maybe? It had been a date, a third date, and subsequently, a last date. But right now the context is different.

Your head is tilted towards the open window, the breeze casting stray pieces of your hair around as the radio cuts in and out of an old Eagles song and then to static, and then back into music again. He needs to get his damned stereo fixed but unfortunately it hasn’t exactly been high on his priority list. His gaze travels down the slope of your neck, where your skin dips into the collar of your silky blue blouse, then back to your profile, your lips moving as you mouth the words to the song, but don’t sing.

I get this feelin' I may know you

As a lover and a friend

You stop when his words register, turning to look at him, and he averts his eyes back to the road. “No offense or anything….” you say. “But compared to the family I grew up in….this is all pretty tame.”

Joel ponders that for a moment, notices the way your eyes are narrowed, the corners of your lips quirking. “What, you got a problematic little brother, too? A precocious eleven-year-old?”

“No kids,” you answer. He didn’t think so. “But I do have a problematic older brother. And the stress he’s caused has definitely taken years off my life.”

At least you seem like you understand.

He’s shocked you’re in this car with him, that after entertaining his daughter all night, you’d offered to help him out with this Tommy mess. Though, he assumes you’re doing it out of guilt because Sarah made it sound like he was broke.

“You know for the record, I actually have the money to bail him out.”

“I figured.”

“Then why’d you come?”

You shrug. “I don’t know. My life has been pretty boring lately. I can’t remember the last time I did something exciting on a Friday night.”

“This is exciting to you?”

“It’s objectively exciting,” you sound assured. “Maybe more exciting than being the person who got arrested for public intoxication.”

Despite the stress of the evening, he can’t help but laugh.

“And whether you’re broke or not, bailing someone out of jail is no joke. If you can at least try to talk your way out of it, you might as well.”

Joel can’t argue with your logic.

“What is it you do again?” you ask, eyeing the protective glasses he has in the cup holder of his front seat. There are nails stuck between the rubber grooves of the mat beneath the seats, a pair of thick gloves resting on the dashboard.

“I’m a carpenter.”

“Makes sense,” you answer. “So you’re handy?”

“You could say that,” Joel lifts the can of flat, warm seltzer from his lunch break to his mouth, just to take a sip.

“That’s hot,” you say, and he nearly chokes when he hears it. Are you….flirting? Though, you can’t be, because when he looks over at you, you’re staring at the road, face neutral.

“What makes you say that?”

“I don’t know, I don’t make the rules of what’s hot and what isn’t….it’s just a fact. Everyone knows that.”

“Do they?”

“Uh-huh,” you respond. “I mean, I wish I was handy. I’m pretty much a lost cause in that department.”

“If it paid the bills, you’d figure it out.”

“If it paid the bills, I can tell you, I would not be living in our neighborhood.”

Joel puts his blinker on, preparing to pull into the police station. “You probably still could, it’s not that nice of a neighborhood.”

“Shut up,” you snort, rolling your eyes. “But in all seriousness, it is peaceful. It’s quiet.”

“See, but you still didn’t say nice.”

“It is nice. I like it.”

When he parks the car, you straighten up, unbuckling the seatbelt and exiting without a word. On the opposite side of the truck, he observes how you rebutton the front of your blazer, smooth down its lapels and shift your shoulders back before turning to him.

“You ready?” you ask.

He nods.

“After you.”

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

When Joel spots you again, Tommy is walking a few paces behind you. You turn your head over one shoulder, smirking at whatever he’s saying. From where Joel is sitting in the lobby, he can just make out the soft curve of your hips, the tops of your thighs over the barrier that separates him from all the desks of the officers and staff at the station. You’ve got an easy, relaxed gait and you give Joel a wink when he catches you staring.

He can tell it’s just meant to be celebratory thing, since both you and Tommy seem to be in good spirits, but he likes the sight of it anyways, the idea that you’re both in on some secret that no one else is.

Joel stands to greet you and his brother to get the download, but as he approaches, your group is intercepted by one of the cops that had been hanging around reception.

“Miller,” he says lowly to Tommy. “This better be the last time I see you in here.”

When Tommy doesn’t answer right away, you pipe up.

“I assure you my client will be on his best behavior.”

The cop turns to you for a minute, turns back to Tommy, contemplating. “You’re lucky you have a good lawyer…” he says. “Although I’m still not convinced you’re really paying someone to get you out of a public intoxication charge.”

“I-” Tommy opens his mouth but you cut him off.

“Alleged…intoxication,” you interject, stone-faced.

“He can hardly walk straight.”

You purse your lips. “But….you never did a sobriety test, so, would it hold up in court?” you grimace. “If I had to guess….probably not.”

The cop narrows his eyes at you. “Don’t push it, princess.”

Despite the infantilizing nickname, You respond with a polite smile. “Thanks again, officer. Have a nice evening.”

“Mhm,” he murmurs before backing away.

You turn to Joel, your smile fading, and Tommy cuts in. “We should get the fuck out of here before he changes his mind.”

“That’s it? You’re free?” Joel asks.

Tommy nods.

“Tommy’s right, we should definitely leave.”

It’s a mad scramble, the three of you settling back into Joel’s truck, and if he was feeling a little less angsty about the way the whole evening had gone, he might’ve even peeled out of the parking lot for dramatic effect. But at this point, his patience is wearing thin.

He’s back on the main drag, en route to Tommy’s place, with you on the passenger’s side, and his brother in the back, leaning forward with his elbows resting on your seats when his brother speaks up.

“Holy….shit!” Tommy turns to you. “That was fucking awesome, are you kidding me? Joel, where the fuck did you find her?”

He’s still drunk, words slurring together, and he shakes both of your shoulders ferociously. You actually giggle — the sound of it is fucking adorable and Joel wishes that these are not the circumstances for hearing such a noise. He rather it be because of something he said, but he knows Tommy has always been more charming, even when drunk

“She’s my neighbor, Tommy.”

“No way! How come I’ve never seen you around before?” Tommy asks, and Joel can’t stop himself from rolling his eyes.

“I’m kind of new to the area,” you answer.

“Dammit, oh my god, Joel, I wish you coulda seen it.”

Joel looks over at you, and is thankful that he catches your eye. “What’d you say?”

“Never underestimate your negotiating power when the cop you’re talking to’s shift ended over an hour ago, and he doesn’t want to fill out any more paperwork.” You cross your arms, look over your shoulder at Tommy, who is leaning back against the seat with his head in his hands, laughing, before looking back at Joel. “I told you, I have experience.”

“Oh my god,” Tommy pokes his head back between you. “How’d he even get you to come down here? What’d he have to do, offer to paint your house or somethin’?”

“It’s a long story.”

“Sarah got locked out again,” Joel explained. “And I was over at her place when you called. She’s a corporate lawyer.”

“Ah, that makes sense. You know, Joel’s always liked the smart ones,” Tommy starts, and Joel has to contain the urge to slam on the brakes and send his brother face first into the back of his headrest. Unfortunately, he can’t do that with you in the car. “Too bad he’s dumb as a box of rocks.”

“Okay, watch yourself!” Joel snaps, and he’s only halfway kidding. “You got off easy, but you’re on fuckin’ thin ice, and I’m still pissed that I’m spending my night bailing you out again.”

Tommy doesn’t even catch on to Joel’s irritation – or maybe he does, and has just decided that he’s going to be the Annoying Younger Sibling and see how far he can push it. “Don’t let him fool you, okay?” Tommy continues, and you’ve angled yourself towards him, amused. “It’s not always him lookin’ after me. Before he had Sarah, he was crazy.”

“Alright, alright that’s enough, Tommy.” Joel shoots daggers towards his brother in the rearview mirror, and he watches Tommy’s smile falter, finally deciding to back down.

“Is that true, Joel, were you really crazy?” you ask after Tommy grows quiet, tilting your head. “I can’t see it.”

“Well we’ve all have our moments, right?” he says sheepishly.

“We do,” you agree, and then it’s finally silent.

Joel is thankful to see Tommy’s driveway straight in front of him, and his car lurches up the curb. “Alright, alright, this is your last stop,” he says to his brother. “You’ll get in okay?”

Tommy takes a deep breath, settling himself after all his bravado and sinking back against his seat. “I’ll be fine. I’ll see you tomorrow morning at Sarah’s game.” He slinks out of the truck and slams the door behind him.

Normally, Joel would’ve chewed him out after something like this, but he knows being hungover tomorrow at a middle school soccer game, sandwiched between screaming parents and the ear-splitting whistles of the referees will be punishment enough.

“I’ll see you then.” He watches his brother stumble up the steps to his home, unlock the door, and give a wave before disappearing inside.

Joel’s left alone with you. “Should we get you home, now?”

“Yeah, we should.”

Joel puts the car in reverse, puts one of his arms over the back of the bench seat to look for cars behind him, and catches you staring. You don’t even seem embarrassed that he notices, either, you just shift your gaze away to outside the window.

He feels a little self-conscious about the first impression he’s probably made, which is a feeling he’s not used to…caring about what people think.

“Sorry about him, he’s….a good guy but a real piece of work.”

You giggle. “Like I said, I have a brother, too.”

It’s been awhile since he’s interacted with anyone outside of Sarah, Tommy, and his coworkers, and his day was exhausting. He wants to ask more questions, see if he can hold some kind of conversation, but words fail him, so you spend the short drive on the way back home mostly in silence. You’re so quiet that by the time he pulls into your driveway, he thinks you might be asleep. If you were, he doesn’t even get the chance to wake you, because you immediately sit up straight once the truck has come to a halt.

“Thanks for everything tonight,” he says.

“You’re welcome, it was no problem,” you get out of the car, sling your bag over your shoulders, and close the door. “Have a good night.”

Joel’s listening to the retreating click of your heels up the driveway when he rolls down his window all the way to speak again. It’s clear you’re tired, your shoulders are slouched, and he feels incredibly guilty. You worked all day and then had to put up with his entire crazy family.

“Hey,” he says. “How much do I owe you for the pizza?”

You turn around, still stepping backwards. “Nothing.”

“Look, you’ve done too much for me tonight to say that,” he says. “I’m startin’ to feel bad.”

You stop in your tracks then, the smirk on your face fading a little bit as you slowly step forward to where he leans out the truck window. It’s only a few feet, but you’re much closer now than you’ve been to him all night, and there must be jasmine in your perfume. It smells expensive, he thinks, as your hands lift to rest on the door next to his elbow. “You shouldn’t feel bad,” you say softly, voice low.

God, you’re fucking beautiful, he realizes, basked in the glow of the moon, a smile creeping along the edges of your lips. Of course, he knew you were attractive, had definitely registered it at some point before – maybe when he’d walked in on you and Sarah giggling in the kitchen. He was just too busy being worried to even notice until now.

This isn’t a date, but you’re so close he could kiss you, kind of wants to just to see what would happen, but he doesn’t. You’re his new neighbor, and if he’s reading this wrong, he doesn’t want to be reminded of the mistake everyday, first thing in the morning when you’re picking up your newspaper at the end of your driveway and he’s leaving for work.

“But uh…if it would make you feel better…one of the steps on my front porch is rotted. Maybe you could come over sometime and fix it? That a fair trade?”

Joel nods, and you stick out your hand. “It’s a deal,” he says, ignoring the jolt of energy he feels when your palms press together, like you’re a kid wearing a hand buzzer, trying to shock him.

“Great,” you step away. He’s about to put the car in reverse when you speak again.

“Oh, and Joel?” you ask, he looks back at you. Before you speak again, your eyes shift to the ground, like you’re mustering up the courage to ask him something, and when they return to his again, your expression is somber. “Go easy on Sarah….she’s a good kid.”

Joel nods, understanding.

“I know.”

volume ii

taglist: @yaskna @venomous-ko @lomljigg

#joel miller x reader #joel miller #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller imagine #joel miller series #the last of us #the last of us fanfiction #pedro pascal #tlou hbo #tlou fanfic #tlou series #texas sun

2K notes · View notes

ellethespaceunicorn · 8 months

Text

Don't Take Your Eyes Off It

Title: Don’t Take Your Eyes Off It

Rating: Explicit, 18+, Minors - DNI

Pairing: Sugar Daddy!Steve Rogers x Black!Fem!Reader

Word Count: 1.5K

Summary: It’s Valentine’s Day, and you have a surprise for Steve!

Warnings: Daddy kink, pet name (Sweets), praise kink (slightly), ass worship, butt plug, anal fingering, first time *romantic* anal, creampie

A/N: Based on this poll, Steve Rogers won. Submission for @the-slumberparty’s Eight Types of Love February 2024 Sleepover Challenge (Eros-sexual passion). Unbeta’d, we die like people who tried their best.

Dividers by: @saradika

Support/Reblog banner by me

Cover Art by me

Spotify Playlist

My Masterlist

His fingers glide across the skin of your shoulder blade as sunlight cascades over your beautiful brown skin while you sleep on your stomach. He marvels at how you seem to glow in the rays of the morning sun. Leaning in, he places a chaste kiss on your lips, trying his best to wake you gently.

You grumble, the weight of his kiss just enough to pull you from a deep slumber.

“What was that, Sweets?” Steve’s sultry baritone invades your consciousness and you open your eyes.

“I said, ‘five more minutes’,” you plead, pouting up at Steve and hoping he would give you a break after seeing your tired eyes.

No such luck.

“Nice try, Sweets. You know what today is, right?” he asks, peppering kisses to the top of your bonnet-covered hair.

“It’s...Wednesday?” you guess, trying your best to get back to REM sleep.

“Yes, technically, it is Wednesday. It’s also…” he trails off, waiting for the pieces to click into place in your mind.

You lift your head, locking eyes with Steve. For three whole seconds, you just look at him with a confused expression on your face until it hits you. “It’s Valentine’s Day!” you chuckle, and playfully swat at him.

“Now, she’s cooking with gas. I thought it was gonna take you all day to figure it out,” he jokes, laughing as you roll your eyes at him.

You turn around in bed and swing your legs over the edge. Reaching up to untie your hair, your braids cascade down your back. Peeking over your shoulder, you catch Steve watching you while one of his hands runs through his golden tresses.

“Caught ya looking, Daddy,” you tease before standing and walking around the bed to his side. He reaches out to touch you, but you pull back at the last second. “Unh-uh! Not until tonight. I got something special planned for you.”

“Something special, huh? Well, I can’t wait. But I guess I will have to, won’t I?” he guesses, standing up from the bed to tower over you. He lifts his hands in surrender after you point a manicured finger at him. “Hands to myself, I promise. For now,” he flirts, walking around you to go into the bathroom to shower.

While Steve is in the shower, you mentally run down your checklist of things for tonight. Your new pink glass buttplug, check! New red lace lingerie, check! You had everything planned down to the last detail and you were very excited to see Steve’s reaction. Now, all that was left was to get everything ready while Steve was away for the day.

Steve comes back to your darkened apartment that night, surprised to see a trail of red rose petals and vanilla-scented tea lights leading him to the bedroom. He stoops down to grab the card that was left near the door.

‘Daddy,

Come and unwrap your present.

-Sweets’

Making his way along the petaled path, he reaches your slightly ajar bedroom door. Pushing it open, he is greeted by you kneeling in the center of the bed. A red rose hairclip holds the right side of your braids back, and the red lace bodysuit you wear hugs all of your curves perfectly.

You take in the way Steve looks at you like you hung the moon. His ocean eyes darken as he takes in your scent, your favorite perfume lingering in the air.

“Hi, Daddy. Happy Valentine’s Day,” you hum, making your way to where Steve stands at the foot of the bed. “Why don’t you join me? You can put these big, strong hands to use,” you slide your arms around his neck and instinctually, his hands go to your waist.

Leaning down to claim your lips, he doesn’t hold back teasing his tongue along the seam of your mouth. Once you let him in, he takes control of the kiss. Swallowing down your whimpers and moans, he cups the back of your head and nibbles your bottom lip.

Breaking the kiss, he laughs lowly when you try and follow his lips. “I think I was promised a gift, Sweets. Now, what might that be?” he muses, his fingertips moving along the red lace until he comes upon a pebbled nipple.

You take his hand and guide it to where the gusset of your bodysuit would be, now drenched with your slick. You nod and he explores your soft folds through the crotchless lace. He knows how to play you like a damn fiddle. Gathering your moisture and applying just the right amount of pressure to your bundle of nerves.

Within moments, he has your legs weak while he gives your clit some much-needed attention. His other hand goes to your chin so that you look up at him as he brings you over the edge. You fight to keep your eyes open as the chains of orgasm are broken, your throbbing pussy creaming his hand.

“Such a good girl for me. God, you’re perfect, Sweets,” he praises, still unaware of what you have in store for him as he takes off his tie and goes to unbutton his shirt.

“Daddy, I have a surprise for you. I’ve been working all day long on it,” you chime in, biting your lip as you cup Steve’s erection through his slacks.

“You go ahead and show me that surprise, now,” he encourages, watching intently as you turn around and present yourself to him with your ass in the air. His hand goes to your hip, slowly moving toward your ample backside. Groping your ass, he finds something he had hinted at only weeks ago. “Oh, fuck. Look at this adorable little plug. Have you been wearing this all day, Sweets?”

“Yes, Daddy. I’ve been stretched around it all day long. I wanted you to have something no one has had before. It’s all yours,” you say, wiggling your hips to show off your toy.

“You are such a good girl for wearing it all day,” he murmurs, taking the lube that was delicately placed on the bed earlier by you. Dripping the liquid between your cheeks, he spreads it generously around your plump globes. He lays a few slaps to each cheek and moves some of the lube between your cheeks to tease the toy in and out of you slightly.

“Daddy, please,” you beg, growing ever so impatient now that Steve is teasing you.

“Shhh, it’s okay, Sweets. Let’s just get this pretty plug out of here,” he purrs, pulling out the toy and watching as your hole tightens up a bit. He uses one finger to explore you, graduating to two and three fingers when you take him in so well. Soon, the wet squelch of lube as he fingers you is the loudest sound in the room, even over your moans.

With three fingers inside you, Steve uses the other hand to unzip his pants. Pulling out his red, weeping dick, he squeezes the base and coats it in the excess lube that has accumulated. Lining up to your opening, he pushes in slowly until you engulf his tip. The hard part is over as he slides into the hilt.

He waits until you start to wriggle under his hands to begin a languid pace, slow as molasses in January. Your hand snakes down to your forgotten pussy, shiny and slick with a mixture of your arousal and lubricant. Your fingers stimulate your clit as Steve takes you apart from the inside.

You’ve never felt so fully taken before, the stretch of his massive member adding to the sacred friction. As soon as your fingers take you over the edge, you notice how intense this orgasm is. You moan into the bedsheets as your cunt shudders and your asshole clamps down around Steve.

“Fuuuuuck, good girl. That felt so fucking good, Sweets. Don’t think I can last much longer with you coming so hard on my dick like that,” he ponders aloud, quickening his pace to chase his release.

As he pounds into you from behind, he reaches around to finger your pussy while his palm rubs your sweet spot. When he can sense you getting closer and closer to the edge, he pulls his fingers from inside you and plays with your clit.

“Be my good girl and cum with me, Sweets. Fuck, I can feel it right now. You ready for it baby?” he persuades, fucking into you while you moan non-stop.

“Yes, please. I’m ready for your cum, Daddy,” you cry out, your climax pulling you over the edge, tumbling straight into Steve’s release. You can feel every spurt of spunk painting your delicate inner walls while he throbs inside you.

Coming down, he lets his deflating length slip out and directs you to lie down before climbing on the bed next to you. Wrapping you up in his arms, he kisses your forehead and isn’t surprised when he soon hears the soft snores escaping you.

He’s more than content to wait to give you his gift. He smiles, remembering the velvet box in his suit jacket pocket in the other room. He can wait a bit longer to hear you say yes.

A/N: Alright, well, I haven’t written for Steve Rogers in over 12 years. I hope this was good. I would love to hear what y’all think. The title is taken from ‘Rocket’ by Beyoncé.

**Tag List**

@ronearoundblindly

Let me know if you wanna be added (or removed) 😁

#ellethespaceunicorn fanfic #steve rogers #steve rogers x black!reader #x black reader #x black fem reader #x black plus size reader #steve rogers x reader #captain america #steve rogers smut #steve rogers fanfiction #steve rogers x black reader #chris evans #chris evans characters #steve rogers fanfic #steve rogers x you #steve rogers fic #captain america x reader #steve rogers x female reader #captain america fanfiction

291 notes · View notes

vidavalor · 7 months

Text

Wrong Boy

What Bildad the Shuite, Mr. Dalrymple and Warlock's birthday party can tell us about what's going on in the 2.06 Final 15. Another post in a series about how "The Metatron" with Aziraphale at the end of S2 is actually Satan.

Warlock Dowling. The kid Crowley and Aziraphale took care of for a few years, believing him to be The Antichrist. Not actually The Antichrist. The wrong boy.

Warlock's 11th Birthday Party. The reason why Crowley and Aziraphale were there was to try again to stop Armageddon. Hell was supposed to show up at the party. The Devil was sending a gift to his son-- a dog. The Hell Hound. The gift, once accepted by The Antichrist, was supposed to signal the start of Armageddon.

Crowley and Aziraphale were undercover at the party in an effort to stop Warlock from encountering and naming The Hell Hound and starting the end times as a result... but The Hell Hound was late. The moment that results in them realizing they got it all wrong starts out with dialogue that is referenced again in S2-- in relation to The Meeting Ball.

Aziraphale followed Crowley out to The Bentley, mortified by having put on a terrible magic show in front of Crowley. Crowley, though, was gentle and caring in his reply. He tried to reassure Aziraphale and gas him up a bit.

Aziraphale: "That was all a bit of a disaster, I'm afraid."

Crowley: "Nonsense. You gave them a party to remember. Last one they'll ever have, mind..."

As they're sitting in The Bentley and after communicating with Hell during this scene via the radio, they realize that they fucked it up. The kid they thought was the spawn of The Devil is not actually that. Warlock is not The Antichrist. They had the wrong boy this whole time.

Nonsense. The meaning of "balderdash" and "piffle"-- the words spoken by "The Metatron" when he first arrives in 2.06. The first word of what Crowley said to Aziraphale in the "wrong boy" scene.

The gift for the "son". The Hell Hound. The Coffee.

A disaster termed "a night to remember": The Titanic.

The Titanic. Big ship, first of its kind. Hit iceberg. Was thought to be unsinkable. Turns out, it could very much sink. Angels can be tempted. They can sink-- can fall-- to the bottom of the ocean floor. Aziraphale falling is "The Titanic" of his story and the story overall.

If Warlock's birthday party = The Meeting Ball, then Crowley and Aziraphale have the "wrong boy" once again at the end of S2.

Instead of Warlock being mistaken for The Devil's son, "The Metatron" is really The Devil... who appears in the form of the closest thing Aziraphale has to a father-- The Metatron.

"My Heart Will Go On." Theme song from the film 'Titanic' and on Aziraphale's playlist for S2. Uh oh...

Then, there's this:

"It will be a night to remember!" Aziraphale, describing his then-upcoming Meeting Ball in an episode-ending bit of important dialogue while pointing Upwards, foreshadowing both Crowley going Up and Aziraphale's "going Up to get Down" that happens at the end of this Titanic hitting the iceberg. Crowley will actually wind up trying to keep most of the partygoers from not remembering as much of the events of this party as possible... ironically, since Aziraphale says "a night to remember" to Crowley in reference to the kind thing Crowley said to him about the kids being happy to remember Warlock's birthday party.

The next morning, Crowley will use dialogue that references Warlock's birthday party again... either consciously or unconsciously. Either way, it's a dialogue reference to it for us to notice... and it makes sense that Warlock's party would fit into 2.06's Final 15 here because the dialogue we're talking about is from a scene that's actually after the party... and this is all taking place after, well, a party.

The dialogue shows up here:

Crowley: "Oh, I know you. Last time I saw you, you were a giant, floating head, mind."

Welcome to the only other scene in the series in which Crowley has used "mind" at the end of a sentence but for the casual time he did post-Warlock's birthday party. It's calling our attention to the late Hell Hound not arriving at that party... in the moment that "The Metatron" has just arrived here, in the aftermath of the mirrored party.

The Devil himself is here this time.

It might also be worth noting that when Crowley and Aziraphale figure out that Warlock is the wrong boy, it's because of Crowley having just spoken to Hell via the radio in The Bentley... which is also how Satan attacked Crowley in 1.01. Those two scenes are then tied together and both of them are in play in 2.06.

The show also takes pains to call the meeting a "party" several times. Besides Aziraphale saying "we're having a ball", the character who is of The Devil and whose actions let The Devil Himself into the bookshop-- Shax-- twice refers to what's going on as "a party." When she arrives: "how sweet-- they're having a party" and, later, she corrects Mr. Brown of Brown's World of Carpets when he says that what is going on is a meeting. She tells him that it's not a meeting because they were "dancing." That it's a party is referenced several times, further drawing correlation between the climax of S2 and Warlock's 11th Birthday Party.

Crowley-- a demon-- is called upon by "The Metatron" to identify him to everyone else after every single other being in the room fails to recognize him. Every single other being in the room besides Crowley is an angel and *all* of them fail to recognize this being as The Metatron. Every one of them. How can five angels fail to recognize the leader of Heaven? Maybe because that's not actually the leader of Heaven? Maybe because The Devil had to get someone he can control-- and we've seen that he can control Crowley in 1.01-- to tell everyone else that he's The Metatron... which is exactly what happens in this scene?

Crowley identifies the being in such a way that the other angels see him as The Metatron. No one questions him. Rather hilariously, since angels who don't like Crowley are in the room, everyone just believes him and takes what he says at face value. This includes Michael, who has now done this twice-- they also did this during the Job minisode, which we'll look at in a moment.

Michael (gloriously bitchy, asking THE question): "And who are you?"

The context clues suggesting this being's fake identity that led everyone to believe it after its reveal were planted by "The Metatron" upon his arrival... and that's familiar, too. We've seen that one before... Crowley did it earlier in the season.

Remember where we saw that and another significant who are you? one before?

Here, with Sitis:

Crowley gives Sitis suggestion as to who he will appear to be to her, even if they've never met before. Who is he? He's "an old friend, here to offer some comfort." Sitis is having A Day over here and is somewhat resistant at first to influence and she's never met this being before so she naturally has this question:

She's paralleling Michael in 2.06 here. All who are you and why are you interrupting me? I'm a bit busy over here... and what did Crowley say?

"You tell me." Crowley gave her the answer he wanted and when Sitis was resistant and Crowley needed to get to the kids to save them, he influenced her so she'd help him get to who he wanted instead of standing in his way. Crowley seeks to protect the kids, obviously. He has the opposite motivation of Satan in 2.06 but the methods are the same.

Sitis falls under Crowley's suggestion at "you tell me"-- she responds normally-enough but there's enough of her reaction at the start that shows that her mind is being influenced. She gets a little quiet, her eyes widen, she's staring for a brief moment... kinda like Crowley in the chair before he speaks in after "The Metatron"'s arrival in 2.06. Crowley was in Sitis' mind and made her say back to him what he'd told her to say:

"Bildad" quite literally means "old friend" so Sitis basically regurgitates Crowley's "just an old friend" by translating it into a name in her mind. Crowley's "sure" is comedic but this is also an example of Crowley using magical influence over someone-- one of two that happens in S2. In both times, Crowley's use of it is benign in overall intent but it's still not really with the full awareness of the person he's using it on.

This kind of power when used by The Devil, though? Yikes...

The second time we see Crowley do this is with Mister Dalrymple. And what did Crowley suggest-- at Aziraphale's request-- that Mister Dalrymple do? So that Aziraphale could have time to try to lure Mister Dalrymple into his way of thinking-- though the opposite wound up being true?

Invite them to stay and have a chat... over a drink.

A chat over a wee tipple of whiskey. That moment has a paralleling friend in 2.06, too...

A chinwag over a large oat milk latte with a dash/hefty jigger of almond syrup...

Now, we're also referencing The Resurrectionist minisode in The Final 15. You know, the one where Crowley is dragged back to Hell in Edinburgh... the same place Aziraphale went to alone during S2. When asked where Aziraphale was during that time by Shax, Crowley replied that Aziraphale was:

Stocktaking. In the basement. On the surface, this is an excuse Crowley gives Shax to explain why she can't see Aziraphale through the window of the shop while Aziraphale is in Edinburgh. Shax clearly doesn't buy it and tracks down Aziraphale in The Bentley on his way back from Scotland. But this is also a metaphor on two different levels.

The first is that Crowley was dragged back to Hell in Edinburgh in 1827 and that Hell is the basement of the whole Heaven/Hell skyscraper office situation. Edinburgh is Hell is "the basement" to Crowley. While Aziraphale was there, he was working on some of his trauma related to 1827-- taking stock of what he had and where he was at in order to move forward. Aziraphale going to Edinburgh actually is Aziraphale metaphorically "stocktaking in the basement"... it's just that it also potentially foreshadows that once Shax actually gets through that door, it's the start of how Aziraphale is going to wind up doing some further stocktaking in the actual basement that is Hell.

Jump back to Sitis for a moment. Why does Sitis say "Shuite"? It's more important than it seems.

We already looked at why she says "Bildad"-- it's because of Crowley's "old friend"-- but why does she say "the Shuite"? It's not what Crowley said this time, so much as what he did-- jumping into her mind.

Remember later when Crowley uses a homophone-- "Shu-ite" and "shoes"-- and cracks this joke:

Crowley says "shoes" and Michael says "the land of Shua" but Bildad is Bildad "the Shuite" because Sitis was trying to say the other word that's a homophone for "shoes" and "Shu-a" here: "shoo."

Was there was a part of Sitis that was aware of Crowley in her mind was telling him to get out, to leave, to go... or was the fact that she had been trying to get Crowley to leave before he influenced her a factor in how she came up with his identity?

It shows that a person under suggestion by a supernatural being in Good Omens is forced to say and do whatever that being is forcing them to say or do but they might have some mild level of resistance where their words are concerned, if they can find a way to do so. Crowley was not exerting a terribly powerful influence over Sitis because he prefers to not do this at all. But The Devil himself is not going to have any such qualms... and we've been shown in 1.01 that when he takes over Crowley, Crowley really can't resist the influence. Still, he might have been trying, since The Devil needed him to speak and it was Aziraphale in the crosshairs.

And, of course, back in 2.06, The Big Damn Villain Music in the score goes insane at this moment here when "The Metatron" looks at Crowley without Aziraphale noticing-- a look that can be interpreted not just as a glare but as instructions. It's what keeps Crowley in the bookshop. It furthers the suggestion that "The Metatron" is magically influencing Crowley and since Crowley's main contribution is to identify him as The Metatron, well... casts some serious doubt over the idea that this is anybody but the one being who can exert that kind of control over Crowley-- Satan.

Now, go back to Crowley and to "...last time I saw you, you were a giant, floating head, mind."

Aziraphale doesn't totally seem to realize it but the events of the previous night letting everyone into the bookshop has, well, let everyone into the bookshop. Aziraphale thinks of the bookshop as a safe haven where Crowley's concerned and, until The Meeting Ball, it was. But Shax allowed in tipped the dominoes and now means that the bookshop is now overrun, all of Hell can get in, and Crowley's no longer safe from Satan while inside the bookshop.

"...giant, floating head, mind" isn't just about Warlock's birthday party.

It's a reference to The Devil taking over Crowley's mind in 1.01.

It's a reference to that for us and, if Crowley is able to resist at all or is trying to on some level, then it's an equivalent to Sitis saying "Shuite" in an attempt to say "shoo"-- it's a word Crowley is choosing sneaking out in the influence that Satan has over him in that moment. He's screaming wrong boy wrong boy wrong boy and he's in my mind beneath the calmer way that Satan is having him identify him to everyone as The Metatron and hoping Aziraphale will get it.

Everyone believes Crowley when he says the being before them all is The Metatron because the reveal of it makes sense with the clues laid out by what "The Metatron" has said upon his arrival. Old British white guy-sounding being? Using old language-- "balderdash", "complete piffle"? Being a smarmy, patronizing dick towards Michael? Yeah, that sounds like The Metatron... enough that everyone doesn't stop to notice what else this being says the moment he has them all convinced. Phrases like "spit spot"... the signature line of the Hell-aligned 'Mary Poppins'... but we'll look at all the 'Mary Poppins' in end of S2 in another meta.

Back to our next bit of dialogue referencing signifying the presence of The Devil in 2.06. That is "go on." Whether this is just a clue to us from the other scene or whether it's also Crowley, trying to resist the influence to try to warn Aziraphale is interpretable but, either way, when Crowley stays put and doesn't seem to notice Aziraphale silently trying to get Crowley to come with him and The Metatron, there's this dialogue:

Crowley: "Go on. Day can't get any weirder."

Weird means strange, unexpected, unnatural... Something's wrong, something's wrong, something's wrong is what Crowley's basically saying. But it's the "go on" that's the real 👀 because of what it references from earlier in the season...

Remember this?

Crowley: "Go on. Have an ox rib."

Yeah, that's a direct dialogue comparison that calls what "The Metatron" is doing with Aziraphale temptation... which means "The Metatron" is The Devil.

Gabriel showed up in S2 and what he could remember was a quote from The Book of Job-- something God said that night Crowley and Aziraphale found her speaking "to Job" (really: to them, but it's unclear if they've figured that out yet.) God warned at the beginning of S2 that Aziraphale needs to remember the Job minisode something fierce for what's to come. He's being tested. He's being tempted. The Devil shows up in 2.06 to tempt him... and it parallels the ox rib scenes by both echoing and inverting it, like the mirror that it is.

Angels actually can be tempted but that's not really what Crowley was doing in Job's cellar. The ox rib scene is actually about consent. Let's look at the start of it.

As the storm started in 2500 B.C., Crowley started pouring wine. He poured two glasses and offered Aziraphale one. Aziraphale did not take it.

Aziraphale did not take it because Aziraphale, at the time, was not interested in wine. He didn't wish to drink. "The Metatron" manipulates Aziraphale's emotions when it comes to the coffee. He preys on Aziraphale's need to be polite and on how afraid Aziraphale is of The Metatron. Aziraphale has never had any such fear of Crowley-- he hilariously was pretty direct about his distaste for wine back in Job's cellar. The Devil gets Aziraphale to take the coffee by manipulating his trauma but Satan's minister Crowley? Back in 2500 BC? He didn't push Aziraphale to drink.

The ox rib scene is actually about choice and consent. It's important to Crowley that Aziraphale feel safe with him. When Aziraphale expresses that he doesn't want to drink and doesn't want to get drunk, Crowley is fine with that and offers food instead, pointing out that you can't get drunk on food. He's a little mischievous and dry when replying that "angels can't be tempted" to Aziraphale's question of whether or not Crowley was trying to tempt him but it's because he's actually not. He's trying to have a little date with the angel, not get him to fall to Hell. He likes him. He's amused that Aziraphale is finding the offers of food and drink to be tempting-- that he's into it and wants to give something a try. There's no manipulation, just the offer of it.

It's Aziraphale's own choice to try the ox rib. He chooses to take it.

He chooses to try something new and see things a little differently and spend some time with Crowley. It's a healthy choice. It's the polar opposite of the choice Aziraphale makes when The Devil offers him the one thing he wants: a way within his control to be with Crowley forever.

The conversations at Marguerite's that Aziraphale has in S2 are interconnected. He sits at a table there separately twice-- once with Crowley and once with The Devil. Again, Crowley offers Aziraphale a glass of wine-- this time now thousands of years after Aziraphale rejected the first offer of one. Aziraphale drinks now. He and Crowley have shared a thousand bottles of wine since.

They never get to food. Aziraphale doesn't actually eat in the present at all in S2. (Which is the whole damn problem lol.) Doesn't have an eccles cake. Doesn't dine at The Ritz. No vol-au-vents at The Meeting Ball. And, at Marguerite's, he doesn't have a glass of wine and a little late lunch with Crowley. He has one sip of tea in the present for the entirety of S2 before That Damn Coffee-- to try to teach Muriel to do what Aziraphale has actually been rejecting while being in his Heavenly feelings during S2. The healthy choice is actually some food, a glass of wine, and Crowley... not a trauma-loaded coffee from The Devil.

Crowley and Aziraphale joke about temptation where each other is concerned and it's off of the scene in Job's cellar. We've seen it in Rome in 41 AD and we've seen it in the S1 finale in 2019. This is what temptation between them looks like:

They can poke fun at the idea of it because their relationship is built on the idea that they see each other as individual people who make individual choices and that Heaven and Hell don't own them. They own themselves and they choose to share themselves with one another. It's the opposite of the manipulation of temptation, which is why it both parallels how Aziraphale falls prey to The Devil-- by how he does being the opposite of what he has with Crowley-- and why it's over Crowley that Aziraphale falls in the first place... not because loving him is "bad"... for the exact opposite of that. Because loving him is good and it's not loving him to try to find a solution to their problems by saying that the people who have harmed the two of them should come first. That's the point-- no nightingales.

Aziraphale doesn't want power. He doesn't want to run Heaven-- he rejected that first attempt to tempt him by The Devil. He doesn't want to go back. He wants to stay on Earth and live his life with Crowley and he wants so much to never be apart from Crowley. The two things that Aziraphale wants most in the world are both related to Crowley-- he wants to be with him forever and he wants Heaven to admit that they fucked up and that Crowley is good.

Aziraphale already knows Crowley is good. He loves him as he is. He's just furious at Heaven and at The Metatron for what they've done to the being he loves and he's incensed at God for allowing it. Aziraphale has been an angel this whole time and, in his mind, he's been powerless to do anything to fix this. He can't stop Crowley's pain over falling-- over the fact that he still feels like he's unforgivable in the eyes of God. He can't stop him from being hurt by Hell. And Aziraphale has had that rage on simmer for 6,000 years.

His every "I forgive you" is an attempt at, since he's an angel of Heaven, trying to give Crowley what he needs and can't get from Heaven... and Crowley knows it is but he hates it because what he truly wants and needs is just Aziraphale himself. Aziraphale's love is enough.

All Aziraphale wants is for Heaven to admit they fucked up because he thinks forgiveness from God will help Crowley. He thinks it will make this better:

If Crowley were an angel again, would that stop the pain that Aziraphale can't stop? Aziraphale wonders if it might. Because he can't stop it. He's tried. He's not enough. It's a lot of pain to watch the being you love still suffer and try to do what you can to make it stop but to not be enough-- Crowley and Aziraphale both know what that feels like.

The solution is not to run away and it's not to go to Heaven. It's to just make like Gabriel and Beez and choose to live their lives together. If enough people say "nah" to Armageddon, there's no Armageddon. You can't have a war without war. Aziraphale doesn't understand that at the end of S2 yet, though, so when The Devil shows up in the form of the abusive dad who never loved him and basically says:

You know, you were right-- we need people like you. The way you live isn't a sin. I made a mistake. You could come back to Heaven and show us how to be better-- how to do things your way. You could bring your husband. We can all be a family. He can be an angel again and you'll never again have to worry that you'll lose him. You can be together forever...

This is all Aziraphale has ever wanted. The angel who was losing his mind hosting a party for the first time the night before-- one where his human friends and Gabriel mingled together and where everyone knew Crowley was his and they got to dance together like everyone else-- well, that angel is tempted as all fuck.

He falls for (falls in love with) Crowley and he falls (falls from Heaven) for Crowley.

It started, in part, with an arrival at the door. Not "The Metatron"'s arrival. Bildad's much happier, paralleling one:

This is also a note to us: remember him-- Bildad the Shuite. It's important that we do if we want to understand what comes later when a group of people, some of them angels, can't recognize who just came through the door... for the second scene in this season.

Right on cue to ask the Big Damn Question in 2500 B.C. was the first arrival at the bookshop door in S2 and the character most representing Aziraphale's inner struggles in S2... and the one who had been sent away for his own good by the point that The Devil arrives in 2.06...

Gabriel, asking THAT question: "Aziraphale, who is this?"

Aziraphale:

He. Says. He. Is. God told Aziraphale to remember this but he seems to have forgotten that he and Crowley cloaked Crowley's real identity for greater good purposes but the opposite of that could just as easily happen. He didn't really listen to the messenger God sent him-- Gabriel, whose name literally means "messenger"-- when he told Aziraphale to remember Job and so Aziraphale didn't recognize The Devil when he, like Bildad before him, came through the door.

In a sweet way, it's because he so loves Crowley that he doesn't really see him as demonic and so couldn't make a connection between Bildad and "The Metatron."

The Body Swap. Crowley and Aziraphale each pretending to be one another to survive the end of S1. They fooled everyone around them by looking like someone they, technically, are not. In both cases, they were forced into suicide by Heaven/Hell-- by getting into a bath of holy water and by stepping into flames of hellfire-- and survived it because neither of them actually were who they said they were.

Aziraphale's fall parallels the body swap plot as it's a fall of despair.

"We call it 'The Second Coming'." Aziraphale knows who was really at the door in this moment. He knows that there is no Supreme Archangel job, no promises of safety and an eternal life with Crowley. There never was. He made the wrong choice. He let his despair rule him and now the fall he thought was coming in 2500 B.C. is actually here.

Upon realizing that he's been fooled-- has played himself for a sucker, as is the case with negative thought cycles-- Aziraphale steps into the elevator.

S1-- they save each other from being killed by Heaven and Hell in methods that look like forcing them to kill themselves.

S2-- Aziraphale effectively tries to kill himself by getting into the elevator, now knowing who it is who is holding open the door.

He knows the likelihood of his memories being erased is high, which makes choosing to get into the elevator a form of suicide.

Banana, fish, gorilla, shoelace, with a dash of nutmeg. Aziraphale's mantra. His magic words. In the bookshop attack and through the end of S2, though... a banana peel thrown at Maggie. Shax referencing "the sushi." Only the banana and the fish are here.

The Bananafish. A short story by J.D. Salinger about PTSD, trauma and suicide. After some short interactions with a girl representing a daughter-like figure to the main character (Maggie, in Good Omens, who kicks off Aziraphale's S2 plot and provides his motivations throughout)-- the seemingly-fine man who is actually a traumatized war veteran suffering from PTSD suddenly and quickly succumbs to the pain he carries around and the cycle of negative thoughts he suffers and shoots himself dead.

#ineffable husbands #good omens #crowley #aziraphale #good omens meta #aziracrow #good omens 2 #good omens theory #tw ptsd #tw suicide #tw trauma #tw religious trauma

152 notes · View notes

liyawritesss · 7 months

Text

ᖴᒪOᗯEᖇᔕ Iᑎ ᗷᒪOOᗰ - ᐯᗩᒪEᑎTIᑎEᔕ ᗪᖇᗩᗷᗷᒪEᔕ

Ｄａｙ２２－Ｍｕｓｉｃ

－So Anxious - 1610!Miles Morales - Spiderman; Across the Spiderverse

－ In which you're Miles' first real crush, and the only way he can communicate with you is through a playlist he made specifically for you.

－ Check out more prompts and other activities on the Flowers In Bloom Event Masterlist!

“You got this, dude!” Says Ganke from behind Miles, acting as if he were the other boy’s ringside hype man, and the task at hand was a boxing match with his dignity on the line. Though, as a teenage boy garnering the balls to go up to his crush in the middle of the school day, it might as well have been.

“I got this!” Miles repeated to himself. “I got this!”

He takes one step forward, leaving the safety of Ganke’s encouragement, and yet the second he does so, the looming threat of rejection meets his skin in a cold wind, and the next thing he knows, he’s turning back towards his best friend, shaking his head vigorously, “I don’t got it, I don’t got it!”

“No, no, yes you do!” Ganke counters in an attempt to restore some faith in his friend. “It’s the simplest thing to do; just let them scan the Spoitfy code for the playlist, and say goodbye. You can totally do this, man!”

“But what if she thinks I’m weird for doing it? You don’t just make a random playlist for anyone!” Miles whines.

“This is your chance to be sort-of friends with your crush, Miles! And they’re definitely not the type to be mean, they’ll appreciate it!” Ganke bargains. “You made one for me, and look at us! We’re best of friends!”

Ganke had a point, Miles admitted to himself, but the fact of the matter still stood that he was already embarrassed enough being talked into making this playlist; now, he let him talk him into giving it to you, and Miles didn’t know if he could handle how you’d look at him for randomly coming up to him out of nowhere.

“I know for a fact that some of the music you listen to, they also listen to. It’s a great way to start a conversation!” Ganke adds on, hopefully giving Miles the edge he needed to toughen up and act on the agreed plan. It wasn’t like you two were complete strangers; you had some classes together, and were paired for a semester project last semester! Which was when this whole crush ordeal started for Miles, subjecting Ganke to more than enough talk about how cute you were and every other song that came on being one that reminded him of you.

The brownskin boy took a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves, seeing as this was a now or never ordeal, and he’d rather get it done now than drone how he missed the perfect opportunity. So, before even thinking, Miles starts walking towards you.

You’re reading on your Kindle when Miles approaches you. You note the nervous smile - you’ve noticed he’s always relatively skittish around you, which you aren’t sure to feel about. “Hey Miles, what’s up?”

He can barely get the words out, stumbling over them like dirty clothes he’d strewn on the floor instead of tossed into the hamper, “You like music, right? You like, uh, playlists- music playlists?”

You give him a nod to confirm his question, and in a swift movement, he produces his phone in front of you. On it, you can see the Spotify app open to a code to what you presume to be a playlist like mentioned before.

“You wanna curate one together?” You question, an act very possible on the music app, one you’ve utilized yourself numerous times in the past. The boy nods, mumbling something about how you both have similar music tastes, to which you find yourself admitting to as well, having overheard some songs spill out from his headphones sometimes.

With a shrug and an indifferent ‘sure’ leaving your lips, you take out your own phone to scan the code, granting you access to the playlist that already has a couple of songs added to it to start. To you, it was simply an act to start up a friendship; yet for Miles, you’d have no idea just how much it would mean to him and the little crush he harbors for you - which has now only grown bigger.

155 notes · View notes

leossmoonn · 10 months

Note

hi! can I please request a fluff piece of Mike giving the reader a mixtape of songs he likes and thinks about them as a cute thoughtful gift? established relationship would be great :) thanks for writing, love reading your work!

thank you so much :D i feel like this is short but I hope you enjoy! (ps i curated a playlist for mike that i’ll list at the end of the fic! the songs are from the 70s, 80s and 90s based on his dad’s music taste but also the era he grew up in!!)

includes - switching between between memories and the present, mentions of verbal harassment. lowk kinda angsty but you’ll see why

————

“mike, just give it!” you groan. he sits next to you, fidgeting with the present in his hand. he twists the coils of the ribbon between his fingers.

“what if you don’t like it?” he asks. you give him a look. “i love it when you get me taco bell. of course i’ll love this. now give it to me, otherwise my assumption of you stalling because you forgot our anniversary will be become a fact.”

his eyes widen and he shakes his head furiously. “i would never forget an anniversary.”

you smile and pat his knee. “i know, which is also why i know this gift is going to be awesome!”

he sighs and slowly hands it to you. “happy one year.”

you smile in excitement, tearing the blue wrapping paper off. you gasp as you see a CD with a picture of you as the cover titled ‘how i feel about you.”

“oh, my god. mike.” you turn to him, pouncing on him and giving him a big hug. he wraps his arms around you, pulling you in. you can feel his heartbeat raging against his ribcage. you can feel how warm he is from anxiety.

“do you like it?” mike asks as you pull away. “i love it!” you grin from ear-to-ear. “no guy has ever done this for me. this… this must’ve taken a lot of work.”

he shrugs, “i’ve been thinking of these songs for a while. it was just a matter of burning them onto the CD.”

you sigh dreamily, attaching your lips to his in a slow and sweet kiss. “this is why you’re the guy of my dreams.”

he blushes heavily. “are you gonna see what’s on it? there’s a little list inside.”

you nod and open it, carefully taking the paper out. the first song on the list is “black star” by radiohead.

“that song is the song that was playing when i met you at the bar,” mike says.

you start to remember, your smile getting impossibly wider. you were a bartender around the time you met mike. it was a little bit past dinner time and mike had shown up with a woman, who you now know as vanessa. apparently, she was trying to get mike to flirt — or at least get himself out there. she had pointed out many women in the bar, but you caught his eye.

“can i get you two something to drink?” you asked. “i’ll have a martini,” vanessa said. she glanced at mike, awaiting his answer.

“uh, i’ll just take a beer,” mike said. honestly, you thought he had a staring problem at first. but turns out, he was just falling deeply in love with you.

“i can’t believe you remember that,” you awe. “of course i did. i love radiohead and you. it’s like the perfect combination,” he says.

“i’m not sure i like being associated with radiohead,” you giggle. you take a look at the other songs. one that sticks out to you is “baby can i hold you” by tracy chapman. you remember this song as the song you and mike danced to at your friend’s wedding, the one where he told you he loved you.

“may i have this dance?” mike stood up and held his hand out to you. you were taken aback. this was surely out of mike’s comfort zone. you’d been dating for six months then and you knew mike pretty well. you had just celebrated your six month anniversary where mike took you to this big fancy restaurant. you had insisted you didn’t need go to anyplace, but he also insisted that you deserved something special and he wanted to provide it to you. the whole time at the restaurant you knew he thought he was out of place and not good enough for it. so for him have asked you to dance was a surprise — good one, though.

“yes, you may, kind sir,” you smiled. you slipped your hand into his and he led you to the dance school. he put both hands on your waist while you wrapped your arms around his neck.

“you look beautiful tonight,” he said, gazing into your eyes. you smiled shyly. you were pretty outspoken, witty, charming, but also sometimes crude, person. but mike brought out a side of you that other people, and even you, experienced rarely. he made you feel bashful and special. you honestly loved it.

“you look handsome,” you said. “you make me look good,” he remarked. you rolled your eyes. “oh, whatever. i’ve seen two girls practically drool over you since we got here.”

he shrugged, “and every male here wants to take you home.” “well, i only want one man to take me home,” you smiled coyly.

mike smiled with you. you both swayed to the song as it ended. you were excited when the next song started to play.

“ugh, i love tracy chapman,” you gushed. “i love you,” mike said, not really thinking. you stoped dancing, jaw dropping at his words. it finally registered in his brain.

“i-i’m sorry. i didn’t mean that. well, i did. but, i don’t have to. or, i guess you don’t have to say it back. you definitely don’t,” he rambled.

you stopped him with a kiss, smiling as you pull away. “i love you, too, mike.”

“i am so glad abby was gone that night,” you snicker. mike chuckles, “i’m sure we could’ve asked your friend if we could use her hotel room for a little bit.”

“and get it all messy before they mess it up? that would’ve been a good idea,” you say. you skim the list once more, surprised to see “songbird” by fleetwood mac.

“isn’t this the song we drove home to after we fought?” you ask. “yep,” mike nods.

that night, you and mike had your first bad fight. it wasn’t your very first one, but it was the worst by far.

mike was picking you up from work and when he walked in, he saw a guy harassing you at the bar. you were obviously handling it: ignoring the guy and having your co-workers stand up for you. but something in mike just snapped. you two were a pretty new couple. you’d only been going out for two months at that point. while you had already stayed countless nights at his place, were practically bffs with abby, and shared your deepest darkest secrets, there were other aspects of the relationship that you two were still navigating. so it didn’t help that when mike heard the guy call you a bitch, he punched the guy.

in the moment, you thought it was a justified act. in fact, you still thought so. but you were mad that mike didn’t let you handle it. you were mad that mike seemed to always lose his temper. you were mad that mike didn’t see you as independent.

you both were outside in the parking when the fight started.

“you need to go to an anger management class or something,” you muttered.

“that guy needs to go to how-to-not-be-a-creepy-asshole class,” mike said.

you sighed loudly and crossed your arms. mike scoffed and glanced at you. “do you not agree with me?”

“of course i do, mike! but you can’t just walk into my place of work and assault someone.”

“he was harassing you and probably was going to hurt you!”

“no, he wasn’t.”

“and how do you know that?”

“because niki had just called security and there were other customers in the bar helping me out.”

mike huffed, “i didn’t know she had called security.”

“if you had just minded your own business then you would have.”

mike balled his hands into a fist and then relaxed them. “you don’t need to act so tough, you know?”

you turned your head slowly at him. “excuse me?”

“i know you’re independent and you take care of yourself. i like that about you a lot. it’s one of my favorite qualities about you. but you have to learn how to accept help from other people, especially in situations like that. you have no idea how those situations can just flip within seconds.”

“that’s really rich coming from you.”

“what the hell does that mean?”

“you never accept help.”

“yes, i do.”

“no, no you don’t. you don’t accept help from the baggers at the grocery store. you don’t accept help from abby or me when cleaning or cooking. you didn’t even accept help when my friend’s husband offered to fix your sink, you said no. and he was offering it to you for free, might i add.”

“i can do all those things myself.”

“i know you can, but it’s also okay to have an extra set of hands.”

“if i’m so bad at accepting help, why can’t you accept my help?”

“you think breaking someone’s nose is helping me?” you scoffed. “you are such an idiot mike.” you grabbed the car keys out of his hand, unlocking the car and sliding into the passengers seat. mike groaned and sighed, joining you for what he thought was going to be the worst car ride of his life. the drive was expected to be pretty short, but with just your luck, traffic was terrible. while it was only 9 pm, there was an accident on the highway, making both sitting ducks.

mike sighed and glanced at you. you had a permanent glare on your face it seemed. your arms were still crossed and you looked out the window to avoid any and all eye contact with him.

guilt seeped into him. he knew what he did was wrong. well, he still didn’t think he was wrong, he just knew it wasn’t the right choice. he should have asked the guy to leave and to just take you home. he should have waited for security to grab him, to make sure the guy wouldn’t follow you home. all he wanted it to protect you. he did the same with abby. maybe not in a violent way, but he thought he was his life mission to protect the ones he loved. he wanted to do better than with you two than he did with garrett.

and you knew that. you knew all about garret and freddy’s. the animatronic business seemed crazy to you and you didn’t quite understand that part, but you tried to be as supportive, understanding, and sympathetic as you could as you’ve never experienced what he has. you just wish it didn’t get the best of him sometime.

mike turned on the radio. you scoffed, not believing that he’s turned on music. he turned on a classic hits radio. “keeping on loving you” by reo speedwagon was about to end, “songbird” trailing right after it.

“this is a good song,” mike remarked. you hummed in reply with something that sounded like a “yes”. mike stayed silent for a couple of seconds. he knew if you were to talk again, he would have to apologize first.

“i’m sorry i got out of control. i was just trying to protect you. that guy was being an asshole and you’ve hurt you. i guess i just wanted to hurt him before he could get to you,” he said. “but i know it’s not right and i know you have support at the bar. i just get scared with you working there with all those weirdos. i know you’re a grown adult adult, though, and you can handle yourself.”

you slowly turned to him, eyes softening upon seeing him. “it’s…” you sighed quietly, straightening up in your seat to face him completely. “it’s okay, mike. i know you were trying to protect me. i really appreciate it, i do. i love when you’re there for me. i just… he could’ve hurt you, too. and you could’ve gone to jail, too, if he decided to press charges. honestly, i just don’t want to be the reason that happens.”

mike shook his head. “you could never be. i would’ve happily gone to jail if it meant i helped you and made sure you were safe.”

you grinned teasingly. “you would happily go to jail?” he smiled with you. “anything for you.”

you laughed and shook your head, placing a hand on his thigh. “i forgive you. and i’m sorry about all the things i said about you not accepting help.”

“it’s true. i’m sorry about everything i said and did.”

“it’s alright,” you said. traffic began to move just then. both of you pumped your fists in the air and cheered. “god, finally!” you exclaimed.

“your place or mine?” mike asked. “what do you think?” you smiled.

“this is a great song, but why’d you choose it? it has to bring up some bad memories, right?” you ask.

“it did at first,” mike admits. “but, we made up. and we were able to settle arguments faster and better after that. also, the song lyrics are just how i feel about you. ‘to you, i’ll give the world. to you, i’ll never be cold. cause i feel that when i’m with you, it’s alright. i know it’s right’,” he cites.

you feel like your heart will explode from love. you hug him once more, holding him too you so tight he’s afraid he won’t be able to breathe. but he doesn’t mind. you pull away slightly, looking into his eyes.

“i love you so much, mike. you are hands down the best person that’s ever walked into my life.”

he smiles and leans in and kisses you softly. he pulls away to catch his breath, taking your free hand into his. “i love you more.”

mike’s mixtape for you

black star - radiohead

girl from mars - ash

sunday morning - maroon 5

your song - elton john

baby can I hold you - tracy chapman

something - the beatles

faithfully - journey

songbird - fleetwood mac

iris - goo goo dolls

everlong - foo fighters

————

taglist

@celestbarnes

#mike schmidt x reader #mike schmidt #mike schmidt x you

213 notes · View notes

harmonicakai · 5 months

Text

This Is Me Trying

Part 3 of the "Anyone Else But You" series

Pairing: Huening Kai x Reader

Summary: Being friends with Huening Kai would be much simpler if he didn’t give you butterflies all the time.

Tropes: enemies to friends to lovers, slow burn, mutual pining, fluff, angst, stylist!reader

Word Count: 2.2k

Warnings: swearing, reader is insecure, mentions of death

A/N: I made a Spotify playlist for this fic if anybody wants to give it a listen hehe <3

“Remember how I used to be so Stuck in one place, so cold? Feeling like my heart just froze Nowhere to go with no one, nobody” —Magic, TXT

When the weekend comes around, you’re worried that you’ve hallucinated the entire situation, but when Kai knocks on your front door, he looks good. Really good.

“I–I like your outfit,” you say, taking note of the details. “It’s different from how you usually dress.”

“Yeonjun helped me pick stuff out. He said you’d like this.” Kai spins, allowing you to take in the full ensemble. He’s ditched his usual skater boy attire for a button down, slacks, and a chocolate brown wool coat that matches the color of his eyes.

“You didn’t have to dress up for me,” you say, shaking your head.

“Of course I did. You’re the coolest looking person I know.” Has he always thought that? “I don’t know how you do it every day, though. We probably spent hours picking out just this one look.”

“Every Sunday, I plan my outfits for the week. Sometimes it takes the whole day if I’m not feeling too creative.”

“That sounds stressful.”

“It is.”

“Why do you do it, then? I mean, you always look good, but does it make you feel good?”

You blink back at him. Nobody has ever asked you anything like this. You have no idea how to respond.

Kai can tell that he’s struck a nerve. “Sorry. I just meant that if it stresses you out, you shouldn’t feel pressured to do it all the time. There’s a lot to like about you besides how you dress.”

“Right. Should we get going?” you ask, fiddling with the hem of your cardigan. Suddenly you feel overdressed.

“Let’s do it,” he smiles.

All you can think about on the walk over to the concert hall is whether or not this is a date. It feels like a date. He’s dressed like it’s one.

He said he wanted to be friends, you remind yourself. Still, when he accidentally drifts close to you and your shoulders brush, you can feel your face heat up.

You sit together on the steps of the concert hall, people watching and pointing out your favorite and least favorite outfits.

“I like her hat,” Kai says, pointing to a toddler walking hand in hand with her mom. She’s wearing a fluffy beanie with bear ears.

“Maybe I can convince the team to let you wear one on stage,” you think out loud. “It would be really cute for a concert.”

“That would be so awesome, Y/N! But I don’t want you to think about work right now. Let’s just have fun today.”

“I’m always thinking about work,” you admit. “I’ve thought about clothes every second of my life for what seems like forever now.”

“You aren’t that old,” he points out.

“I’m one year older than you,” you remind him. He skipped the birthday party that Yeonjun threw for you last winter.

“Okay, I take it back,” he surrenders. “You’re old and should look into retirement soon.”

You know he’s just joking, but you can’t help but think that he’s right. Maybe you shouldn’t focus so much on what everybody is wearing all the time, yourself included.

“Y/N,” Kai says, snapping you out of your thoughts. You jerk your head up.

“I used to play in an orchestra,” you blurt out, instantly regretting answering a question that was never asked. Still, you have Kai’s full attention, and the point of this is for the two of you to get to know each other. “I, uh, I played the viola, but I wasn’t very good at it.”

“That’s so cool! I play the piano!” You already know that. Everybody does, but you appreciate how he seems to have forgotten that he’s world famous. “We should do a duet sometime! MOA would love it.”

“Uh, I’m not sure MOA would love seeing you with a girl,” you deflect. You’ve seen what dating scandals can do to someone’s career.

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” he agrees. You watch the cogs inside his head spin before a lightbulb goes off. “Maybe we can set Taehyun up with a fake one on Academy Reincarnation and you can play in the background. ”

“That… actually sounds pretty funny.”

“Ooh, Y/N, thinks I’m funny,” he muses, before turning away to face the busy square. “Seoul! Y/N thinks I’m funny!”

“Shh!” you laugh, cupping your hand over his mouth. You are not mentally prepared to deal with any crazed fangirls tonight. “We have to go inside, now.”

Before you can overthink it, Kai grabs your hand and the two of you rush inside, greeted by marble floors and draped velvets. It’s the most beautiful place you’ve ever seen.

“Wow,” you sigh, taking the entire lobby in. “You know, I haven’t been here since I was a little girl. My mom would bring me here all the time. She played the piano like you. I always wanted to take after her, but I have trouble forming chords.”

“I can give you lessons, if you want,” he offers. “I have a keyboard in my room back at home.”

“I’d like that,” you smile back. You try not to read too much into being invited into his bedroom.

“Why don’t you and your mom go to concerts anymore?” Kai asks, hoping that it isn’t too personal a question. His anxiety grows exponentially as you take your time responding.

“She passed away when I was nine,” you say calmly. It doesn’t hurt you to tell people anymore. “I wanted to come because today is actually her birthday. My dad is really sensitive about it, though, so it was just going to be me. But I’m really glad you’re here.”

“Oh… Y/N, I’m really sorry. I didn’t know. I don’t know what I’d do without my mom.” He stares at his shoes, guilt written all over his face. “I could’ve made things more special for you.”

“Don’t worry, Kai. It already is special,” you say, squeezing his hand in reassurance. “My mom would probably be happy to see me coming here with someone who loves the piano just as much as she did.”

His face relaxes again, and he does very little to stop himself from grinning ear to ear.

After you take your seats in the back of the balcony and the lights begin to dim, a strange sense of calm overtakes you.

Despite being in a crowd of strangers, sitting next to Kai in the dark and listening to the hum of strings as they warm up makes you feel like you’re the only two people in the world.

Midway through the concert, you realize he’s still holding your hand. Maybe he’s like this with all of his friends, considering you’ve seen him and Soobin skipping down the halls hand in hand on multiple occasions. Still, you hope he never lets go.

—————-

Even though it’s technically your job, it’s a rare occasion where you actually get to dress the boys. Today, all hands are on deck for the filming of their upcoming album’s concept trailer.

“I can’t believe they’re making you wear a white sweater,” you sigh, holding up Kai’s outfit for the Dreamer sequence. “Everybody else gets such cute colors.”

“At least I get to stand out,” he grins, always looking on the bright side. He’s already got on his eyepatch, but it’s a little crooked. You walk over to fix it.

“Hold still,” you say, adjusting it into place and smoothing his hair down. “There we go.”

“Was I better this time?” he asks. You look up at him in confusion.

“What?” His face is so close to yours that you can feel his breath.

“I didn’t move this time. That night at the club,” he explains, “Well, you were telling me the story of when we first met. How I flinched and walked away and it hurt your feelings.”

“Oh. Yeah, you were much better this time.”

“I’m glad. I’ll try to be good for you, Y/N. I’m really sorry about before. I feel like I really wasted our time being so… weird. We could’ve been friends much earlier.”

“It’s okay, Kai, really,” you say, stepping back and handing him his sweater.

“It’s not, Y/N. It was silly of me to be so nervous around you.”

“You were nervous?”

“I guess you don’t remember that part of the conversation either, huh?” he asks, pulling his t-shirt off. You’ve seen the rest of the group shirtless before, but Kai usually goes into the bathroom to change whenever you’re around.

Your cheeks flush as you stare at his smooth skin and his broad shoulders.

“Uh, Y/N?” he says. While you were checking him out, Kai managed to get himself stuck. “I think my shirt is caught on my necklace. Can you help?”

“Yeah, yeah, sorry,” you say, working gently to untangle the fabric around his neck. You can feel how warm his chest is, reminding you of riding in the taxi on his lap. Eventually, you’re able to get him freed.

“Thank you,” Kai smiles. “I’m really glad you’re here. Everybody else is always rushing me.”

“I might get in trouble if you don’t hurry up, Hyuka.” You’ve never called him by a nickname before. It’s foreign to think about, but somehow rolls naturally off your tongue.

“Fine, okay, I’m ready,” he says, pulling the sweater on. The color actually compliments him really well. “Do you need to add any finishing touches?”

“Hmm, spin around,” you say, twirling your finger. Kai does his signature penguin stance and waddles in a circle, making you giggle. “No, you look cute.”

Your eyes widen as you realize what you’ve just said.

“You think I’m cute,” he smiles, doing a little happy dance. “Ooh, I’m the cutest boy in the world, huh?”

“Hey! I said you look cute,” you assert, crossing your arms in an attempt to play it off. He’s right, but you don’t want him to know that.

“Close enough,” he says, grabbing his crown off of the makeup table. “I should go. I’ll see you later. You’re the best!”

He pulls you into a hug, nearly lifting you off the ground. When you’re back on your feet, he presses a quick kiss to your cheek and leaves the dressing room. Yeonjun does it all the time, but it feels different coming from Kai.

Your hand moves to your cheek, lingering on the spot where his lips touched. Fuck. You might actually be falling for Huening Kai.

—————-

For the past two months, you and Kai have alternated picking out activities to do together. Last week, you taught him how to make banana bread. He almost set your apartment on fire.

Today, he’s invited you to his place to practice playing the piano.

You’re more nervous than you need to be. It’s your first time in his bedroom, but it’s completely innocent.

Except when you’re sitting on the piano bench together, knees and shoulders pressed against each other, and he’s got his hands placed over yours to help guide you, you feel butterflies in your stomach. That’s not how people who are just friends feel.

You’ve come too far to throw it all away over a stupid crush. He’s simply much too out of your league. Still, while he’s busy explaining chord progressions, you’re staring at how long his eyelashes are and how cute he looks when he’s wearing his glasses.

“Are you even listening to me?” Kai asks, pouting. “I thought you wanted to learn, Y/N!”

“I do!” you lie. “I am very interested in what you’re saying right now.”

“What did I even say?” He crosses his arms and furrows his brow in fake anger.

“Um…” you start. You know you’ve been caught. “I’m sorry. I was distracted.”

His face shifts to worry. “Is something wrong?”

“No! Nothing’s wrong. Let’s keep going,” you say, flipping through his binder of sheet music. “Oh, I love this song!”

You had never expected him to have the piano score to Night Changes by One Direction, but you aren’t complaining. In a way, TXT’s dynamic reminds you a lot of the long gone boy group.

“This song is kind of like us,” he notes. You shoot him a confused look. It’s a love song, after all.

“What do you mean by that?” you ask, your palms now sweaty.

“I just think it’s kind of crazy how things changed between us.” That’s not really what the song is about, but you’re not going to tell him that. “I’m glad we’re friends now.”

“Oh, yeah, super crazy,” you say, exhaling. “I’m glad we’re friends too.”

“Y/N?” he asks, his face close to yours. Is he about to do what you think he is?

“Yes?”

“You have an eyelash on your face.” He brushes a finger across your cheek and holds up the lost lash with a smile. “Make a wish.”

You blow it away, vowing to never let him know that what you asked for was him.

“I have to tell you something,” you confess. “I don’t actually want to learn how to play the piano. I’d rather just listen to you play.”

“Oh,” he says, pleasantly surprised. “I can do that. Should I serenade you, too, m’lady?”

“Yes, please,” you giggle. His goofy side is such a nice departure from the gloomy, quiet Kai you were used to.

You’ve heard this song probably hundreds of times, but Kai’s version feels brand new. As you watch his fingers dance across the keys and listen to his soft voice, the lyrics begin to seem like they were written just for the two of you.

—————-

Taglist: @orangesodafoam @deezbutz28 @ur-mother-realnotclickbait @iyeeeverydee @internet-folks @darlingz99 @foxyjun @stardustmooncakes @giaalorine @beomgyubabybear @niningtori @goquokka @csbenthusiast @moarmyjkhk @lizdevorak @sooberryworld @lonelybutterflytae @midnight-mochii @theresawtf @nowadays56 @jjklvr9

P.S.: Please shoot me an ask or a reply if you’d like to be added to (or removed from) the taglist!

#hueningkai x reader #hueningkai #huening txt #txt #tomorrow x together #txt imagines #txt fic #txt hyuka #hyuka x reader #txt x reader #txt fluff #txt angst #hueningkai fluff #hueningkai angst #hueningkai imagines

137 notes · View notes

lynzishell · 28 days

Text

The Past 💛 Atlas

I’ve finally reached a point where I can sit down and do some work on Ash’s game on my own. It took a lot longer than I thought it would. Not only because his workflow is incredibly chaotic, but also his design is incredibly complex, far more complex than anything we work on at Rainy Day, but it’s fun to feel challenged again.

I’ve spent every night this week in Ash’s living room while he walks me through everything he has so far, sorting out the design and the mechanics, his ideas for the worlds, characters, storylines, objectives, and so on. Yet, it feels like we’ve only scratched the surface.

We work well together, but we’re also easily distracted, often going off on random tangents and talking about everything from our families to school years and childhood friends to experiences we’ve had or want to have; we talk about how fun it would be to have our own indie gaming company one day, if only we could focus on the actual game for longer than an hour at a time.

Last night a song came on that inspired a whole conversation about music and all the songs we used to sing the wrong lyrics to, and some he still sings wrong just to annoy Lex. We started playing a game where we’d give each other a random word or category and the other would have to play a song they liked that fit. At one point I asked him what his guilty pleasure song is.

“Oh, I have dozens of those,” he said, “uh, but the first one that comes to mind is The Boys of Summer.”

“Your guilty pleasure song is an 80’s song?” I was shocked considering the amount of shit he gives me for the majority of my playlist.

“No no no no,” he shook his head, “I should clarify. The original sucks.”

“Of course you think so.”

“Obviously. Okay, but the one I’m talking about is the cover of The Boys of Summer by The Ataris.

“I like the name, but I have no idea who that is,” I admitted.

He laughed as he pulled up the song and told me, “You’re either going to love this or hate it. I’m not sure which.” When he pressed play, all I could do was watch in awe as he shamelessly enjoyed the song, complete with hand motions, air guitar and lip syncing. At one point he leaned in and sang directly to me, “But I don’t understand what happened to our love. But baby when I get you back, I’m gonna show you what I’m made of!” And then he spun away and started dancing to the chorus.

Before I had a chance to think too hard about whether he was trying to tell me something through the lyrics, he pulled me off the couch to join him. We sang and danced with everything we had until we collapsed onto the couch, out of breath and wiping tears from our eyes.

When we finally calmed down, he pointed at me, “Your turn. What’s your guilty pleasure song?”

“Oh god,” I covered my face, “I can’t believe I’m going to tell you this.”

“Tell me.” He demanded.

“Dancing With Myself by Generation X. I can’t hear it and not sing and dance around my apartment like an idiot.”

“Oh, I have got to see this!” He sat up excitedly to find the song and turn it on… and then cheered when I began clapping my hands to the beat… and then completely lost it and fell over laughing when I sang along with my eerily accurate Billy Idol impersonation.

It’s become one of my favorite things, making him laugh. He has about a dozen different laughs from a rush of air through his teeth, to an infectious giggle, to a loud belly laugh… but my favorite is when he’s laughing so hard that no sound comes out aside from a series of clicks until he finally catches his breath.

It’s so easy with him, to get out of my head, to just relax and be myself.

Not everything is easy, though. I keep telling myself that eventually my feelings will fade, that it will get easier to just be his friend and nothing more, but if anything, it’s getting more difficult. Sometimes when we’re together, all I can think about is sliding my hand over to rest it on his leg, or to pick up his hand and interlace our fingers, or to reach up and hold his face, turning it toward me so I can kiss him. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about kissing him, his lips, his neck, that inch skin above his waistband that sometimes shows when his shirt rides up just enough, every part of him. Sometimes I let my eye contact linger just a little, desperate for him to give me a sign that he still feels the same way, but he never does. On some level, I’m grateful. It’s better this way. I’d only end up hurting him again.

I hear the front door open and close, bringing me out of my daydream and back to my computer screen. I look over what I’ve done so far to make sure I didn’t screw anything up while I drifted away.

A second later, I hear Dawn enter the room and flop onto my bed behind me and I glance at the clock, it’s only two.

“What are you doing here?” I ask.

“Finished early. What are you doing? I thought you weren’t working on Fridays anymore.”

“I’m not. It’s just a side project I’m working on with Ash.”

“Ooooh I see.”

I roll my eyes and change the subject before she can inquire further. “So, why are you on my bed? What do you want?” As I say the words, I’m overcome by the feeling that we’ve done this before.

“For you to take a break and go do something with me." I'm antsy. "I’m antsy.” Her words come out like an echo from my own mind and my whole body feels fuzzy for a moment.

“Have we had this conversation before?”

“No. I don’t think so.”

“Hm. I’m having the weirdest déjà vu.”

“Maybe you’ve been staring at that screen too long. We should get out and do something.”

“What do you have in mind?”

I’m open to suggestions. “I’m open to suggestions.”

Weird. This conversation, the song playing through my speaker, Dawn laying on my bed, me at my computer… everything feels so familiar. “Where’s your boyfriend? Why aren’t you dragging him out?” Even as I ask the question, I know I’ve asked it before.

“He’s busy…” Having coffee with his ex-girlfriend. “Having coffee with his ex-girlfriend.”

Okay, I clearly need some fresh air, and she clearly needs my support right now, so I save my work, lock my computer, and spin around to face her. “Oh, that’s why you’re antsy. Okay, I can take a break, but let’s go outside. We can go for a jog, that’ll get your energy out.”

“Fine, I’ll go change.”

Prev // Deja vu // Next

#this one makes me want to play that game #you know where you have to try to spot all the differences #i should've counted them before posting this lol #but n e way #fun to finally be getting to this point in time #ts4 #ts4 simblr #ts4 story #sims 4 #sims 4 storytelling #sims 4 challenge #starsignchallenge #starsignlegacychallenge #gen1 aries #aries pt4 #past #atlas stephens #asher goode #dawn stephens

61 notes · View notes

syuga-s · 1 month

Text

i made my fiancés tinder profile

w.c. 8.5k pairing. non-idol!jeon jungkook x fem!reader genre. cute and angsty friends to lovers <333 a/n. idk guys i wrote this like a month ago but I JUST GOT THE ENERGY TO POST IT so i apologize in advance if you find mistakes here and there, ALSO i made the playlist that inspired me to make this fic so i'll just leave it here if you want to give it a listen or save it don't look at my other playlists tho they're a mess 🦦

You always thought you were pretty good at giving dating advice. It’s easier when you’re not the one doing the dating, right? That’s how it all started with Jungkook. You two were chilling at your apartment one lazy Sunday afternoon when you suddenly blurted out, “Why are you still single, Jungkook? You’re amazing, good-looking, and fun. You should at least be on like three different dating apps.”

He laughed, running a hand through his hair in that effortlessly cool way he always did. “Dunno' just haven’t found the right person,” he said with a smile that made you heart do a weird little flip. “I don’t think I’m good at dating, haha.”

“You’re ridiculous,” you shot back, sitting up. “Let's make you an account. We’ll get you some matches in no time.”

He hesitated for a second, then shrugged. “Sure, let's do it.”

And that’s how you ended up setting up his profile, not realizing that this would be the beginning of the end of your denial and the start of a love story you never saw coming.

You grabbed his phone and he settled onto the couch next to you. “Okay, first things first. We need some killer photos. Let’s start with your main picture.”

You opened the camera app. You sat there, looking at his phone for a minute before he let out a loud laugh.

You looked up. “What is it?"

He grinned, pointing at something behind you. "It's just Tae taking a picture of us setting up a dating profile," Jungkook said, chuckling.

You turned around to see Taehyung standing in the doorway, holding his phone up with a huge grin on his face. "Don't mind me," Taehyung sang out, winking at the two of you. "Just capturing this for posterity."

Tae showed Jungkook the picture and a fit of laughter erupted again, now from the two of them. "Your face! You look so focused and super serious right now."

Rolling your eyes, you lightly smacked his arm. "This is serious business! We need to find the perfect picture to reel in all the potential matches."

Then you started browsing through his photo gallery to curate the most attractive selection of pictures.

There you had him on the gym doing weights, him on his boxing gear, with his dogs, him doing the dishes with a strangely tight black shirt, a few selfies on his car, with his motorcycle. You could sell a whole album with his photos, how on earth would you do him justice and only choose 10 of them?

"Why is this so hard?"

Jungkook chuckled. "Because you're not choosing photos for a profile, you're trying to find a reason to stare at me and my body for too long."

"Boy, I'm trying to help you here, and if I'm gonna do it, I might as well do this like a professional matchmaker." You retorted.

His eyebrows furrowed. "When have you ever paired someone up?"

You smiled smugly. "That's none of your business, Jeon."

"It is, actually, since you're helping me with this thing."

"Fine, if you must know, I hooked up one my friend's older sister with my college roommate."

"Really? How did that go?" He asked, curious.

"Pretty well, they've been together for a couple years now." You answered, still going through his photos.

"Wasn't your college roommate that guy with the blue hair?" He asked, his tone changing slightly.

"Uh-huh, why?"

"Wasn't he the guy you were dating during our third year?"

"Oh yeah, I forgot about that."

"How can you forget about him?" He sounded annoyed. "You spent an entire week crying in my bed because he broke up with you."

"Oh my god, did I? I don't recall." You were playing dumb, of course you remembered but there was no need to talk about that. "What do you think of this one?" It was a shirtless picture, point blank.

"I think you look kinda slutty but everyone's gonna eat it up, you'll get a date in no time." You continued.

"I am not posting a shirtless picture, are you crazy?" He snatched the phone from your hand.

"Well, it's not like we're gonna sell the damn picture, it's just your torso and the picture is really nice, you look good, I don't know why you're making such a fuss."

He didn't say anything, just looked at you.

"What? I'm complimenting you, it's the truth." You rolled your eyes.

"Okay, thank you." He was blushing.

"Are you blushing?" You asked, amused.

"No, it's just really hot in here." He took off his hoodie, throwing it somewhere in your living room.

You didn't even realize how close he was sitting next to you. It wasn't like it was the first time he'd been on your couch, but something felt different today. It was strange.

All the photos that you chose showcased different aspects of Jungkook's personality. Each photo told a story about him - his love for his dogs, his passion for staying active, his playful side with silly selfies. As you scrolled through his gallery, you couldn't help but notice the genuine smile on his face in many of the pictures, a smile that seemed to light up the whole world.

After him putting up a fight on choosing his favorite photos of him, next you had to write him something for his bio.

Jungkook leaned in closer to read over your shoulder.

"This is stupid, what do you want me to write? My name, my age, my occupation?" He was whining.

"Yes, those things obviously, but also things like, I don't know a joke or something to sum up your personality. I want them to know you're fun and cute, mind-blowingly good at everything, something along those lines."

"I am mind-blowingly good at everything." He said, his tone confident.

You rolled your eyes.

"So let's say, what if I write 'shit i'd date the hell out of me', you like it?" You asked him with a smile.

He laughed. "I do, I really do."

"Okay, it's settled." You wrote down the phrase, and a bunch of things about him.

"Now we just have to add something that will hook them up."

"Like what?"

"I don't know, just be honest. Just, don't write that you're looking for a girl to have sex with."

"But I am looking for a girl to have sex with." Blank expression on his face.

"You are so dumb sometimes." You threw a pillow at his face.

He caught it mid-air. "God, you know I'm not look— this was YOUR IDEA IN THE FIRST PLACE!" He yelled, trying to defend himself.

"Yeah, but, just write something that will make you look not like a manwhore."

He thought for a moment. "I know, I got it."

"Okay, shoot."

"I'm a manwhore." He had the brightest smile.

"Oh, for the love of..." You couldn't help but laugh at his antics. "Alright, fine. If that's what you want to go with, who am I to stop you?"

You two were done, and he was already getting notifications.

"Woah, that was... surprisingly fast." He was surprised, and you were proud of yourself.

"Of course, you're hot and cute. We don't see your type in dating apps very often."

He gave you a weird look, you couldn't quite figure out. "Thanks?"

"No worries, I'm sure you'll find someone in no time." You patted him on the back as you were getting up and ready to go to the kitchen and make some dinner. "See who you like and I'll help you on how to ask them on a date."

"Okay." He smiled.

"What are you smiling at? Are you looking at them already?"

"Yeah, I'm trying to see which one of these girls will be our first victim."

"Don't call them victims." You laughed.

The truth is that Jungkook only agreed to this because he loves spending time with you.

As you busied yourself in the kitchen, Jungkook couldn't shake the warmth spreading through his chest. He scrolled through the notifications on his phone, half-heartedly swiping left and right. His mind wasn't on finding a date; it was on you.

He couldn't believe he agreed to this. Making a profile on Tinder just to humor the best friend he was in love with, seemed harmless at first, but now, seeing the app light up with potential matches, he felt burdened. He wasn't here to date. He was here because he wanted to be closer to you, even if it meant pretending to search for someone else.

Each time a new message popped up, he found himself wondering if you'd approve. Would you laugh at the cheesy pickup lines together? Would you help him craft witty responses? He realized he didn't care about meeting any of these girls; he only cared about spending time with you.

But as much as he tried to focus on the dating app in front of him, his thoughts kept drifting back to you. To the way you laughed and teased him, to the way you always seemed to know what he needed even when he didn't realize it himself. Jungkook found himself longing for something he couldn't quite name, a feeling that stirred deep within him whenever he was near you.

He sighed, setting his phone down on the coffee table as he leaned back on the couch because he didn't bother looking through any of the profiles. Instead he made his way to the kitchen, where you were standing over a pot, stirring absentmindedly.

He stepped up behind you, watching as you stirred. His chest was warm, and he had a strange urge to wrap his arms around you and nuzzle his nose into your neck.

"Hey," he said, his voice soft.

You turned your head slightly, not looking at him but smiling. "Hey."

Jungkook took a step closer, placing his hand over yours. "Let me help," he said.

You handed him the wooden spoon, your fingers brushing against his in the exchange. He stirred the pot gently, mirroring the way he wanted to handle your heart. Neither of you spoke, the only sound filling the room was the clinking of utensils against the pot.

"You okay there?" Your voice broke through his daydreaming.

He answered you softly while running a hand through his hair nervously. "Yeah, just... thinking."

As the aroma of the dish wafted through the air, you felt his warmth seeping into you, comforting and familiar. You couldn't ignore the heavy tension that hung between you, thick like a fog.

He cleared his throat, breaking the spell. "So... what do we do now?" His voice was low, almost a whisper.

You turned around to face him, his eyes searching yours for answers neither of you dared to voice. "We eat dummy," you said with a laugh.

You and Jungkook sat down for dinner, the tension from earlier still lingering between you. As you ate, you caught each other stealing glances when the other wasn't looking.

"So...have you looked at any of the matches yet?" you asked, trying to break the silence.

Jungkook shifted in his seat. "A few, but no one really caught my eye," he said evasively.

You nodded, poking at your food. "Well if you see anyone you like, let me know. I want to help."

"Thanks, I will," Jungkook said with a small smile.

You returned the smile weakly, a pang in your chest at the thought of Jungkook dating someone else. You had pushed the feelings down for so long, not wanting to jeopardize your friendship. But your dumb decision of making him a dating profile forced you to confront how you really felt.

After you finished eating together, Jungkook helped you with the dishes. You dried off your hands, and he was ready to leave. Almost as if he was on a rush.

"Thanks for making dinner," he said with a smile.

You nodded. "Of course, you know I love having you over."

You stood at the door awkwardly, not knowing what to say.

Jungkook cleared his throat. "I'll text you," he said.

You gave him a thumbs-up, your voice coming out more high-pitched than normal. "Yeah, cool. See ya later."

He chuckled and leaned down to give you a hug. You wrapped your arms around him, breathing in his scent. You held him a little longer than necessary, wanting to memorize the feeling of his arms enveloping you.

Jungkook's hand lingered on your shoulder as he pulled away.

"Goodnight," he said softly, his thumb brushing against your cheek before he turned to leave. You watched him go, feeling a mix of emotions swirling inside you. As the door closed behind him, you leaned against it, aching with the realization that you might have just pushed away the one person who meant more to you than just a friend.

If only you had the courage to do something.

The following week, you found yourself cleaning your house, the mess had piled up and you had a bunch of your clothes all over the place and that's when you found Jungkook's hoodie from last week. It had fallen between your couch and the wall, so you pulled it out with a considerable amount of force. That's when his iPod fell to the ground.

He still uses this thing? The corners of your mouth turned up involuntarily as you recalled teasing him about the ancient device.

You were surprised, most people uses their phones, or maybe he still has this thing because it was a present from you. If you hadn't seen it you wouldn't have remembered that you had given him this iPod for Christmas like 7 years ago.

You took the device in your hand and turned it on. You figured it would be nice to hear his playlists while you kept cleaning.

You should have just connected it and played it on shuffle. But I guess humans are very nosey creatures. Creatures who love to go through someone else's things, just to see another hidden side of said person.

So, like any other normal human being, you opened his lists, and started to go through them.

"Golden mix", "Euphoria", "OST's". Those were pretty standard. "Lonely nights" a bit of a stretch, "Best of the 00s", "Dance party" and "Songs to sing along". Fork found in kitchen. And there was one more playlist that caught your attention.

Simply labeled with— "Your name."

Your heart started beating faster. What is this?

You opened the playlist and you were welcomed by a list of what it seemed like... love songs.

The first one was "Best Friend". You didn't know what to think. Why did he have a playlist with songs like "Kiss me" by Matt Maltese, "Mountains" by Charlotte Day Wilson, "Making Time" by Rex Orange County. All love songs.

Then it hit you. He's in love.

You started panicking. Your heart racing with thoughts you couldn't ignore any longer. The playlist named after you echoed in your mind.

You couldn't believe it. Jungkook, your best friend, the one who always seemed so casual and carefree, had a playlist dedicated to you filled with love songs. Your mind raced as you tried to process this new information. Was it possible that he felt the same way you did? That the tension between you wasn't one-sided after all?

You sat down on the couch, still holding his iPod in your hands. The weight of it felt heavier now, as if it held all the unspoken words and emotions that had been swirling between you and Jungkook. You couldn't bring yourself to put it down; instead, you scrolled through the playlist again, each song title tugging at your heartstrings.

A sense of warmth washed over you, mingled with fear and uncertainty. What should you do now? Should you confront Jungkook about the playlist, lay all your cards on the table and risk changing everything between you? Or should you keep quiet, pretend you never stumbled upon this precious list?

You knew there was something going on, you weren't stupid. But you couldn't bring yourself to accept the possibility that the guy you love, might like you back. It's easier to pretend like nothing is happening. You have built this whole imaginary life with him in your head, but not once did you consider that it might be a two-way street.

"I already said I'm in love with you Can't you hear me? Why do you act like you don't? You know well the spark in my eyes when I look at you Can't you see it? Why do you act like you don't?"

You had been listening to the song on repeat for an hour. It was stuck in your head. Your heart was aching.

The reality was finally sinking in.

"He's in love with me," you whispered to yourself, the realization hitting you like a tidal wave. It explained so much—his kindness, his attentiveness, even his willingness to go along with making a stupid profile for a stupid dating app. But you had built walls around your heart, afraid to acknowledge the possibility that your feelings were reciprocated.

You felt a surge of emotions, a mix of joy and fear swirling inside you. Jungkook's unspoken confession through his playlist left you feeling exposed and vulnerable, yet strangely hopeful.

"Falling" played softly through the speakers, its lyrics painting a picture of longing and uncertainty. It mirrored your own inner turmoil, the battle between fear and listening to your heart for once.

You had spent so long convincing yourself that this was just a friendship, that any romantic thoughts were one-sided. Now, faced with the truth, you didn't know what to do next. Should you tell Jungkook? Should you pretend you never saw the playlist?

Your mind raced with questions, but deep down, you knew you couldn't ignore this any longer. Jungkook's feelings were out in the open, laid bare through these songs that said a lot about his emotions.

Taking a deep breath, you closed your eyes and let the music wash over you. Each melody, each lyric felt like a confession, a plea for you to see what had been in front of you all along.

"I already said I'm in love with you," the lyrics repeated in your mind, echoing the words you longed to hear from Jungkook himself.

The weight of the situation settled over you. You constructed the exact same playlist on your own phone, replaying it endlessly, searching for answers in the same songs he had chosen. It became a ritual, a way to understand what Jungkook hadn't yet said aloud. Each track felt like a message, a confession hidden in plain sight.

As days passed, the playlist became a lifeline, a connection to Jungkook that transcended words. You wondered if he knew the impact his secret gesture had on you, if he realized how deeply you analyzed each song, each lyric, each subtle hint of affection.

It was as if the playlist had become a conversation between your hearts, a silent dialogue that spoke volumes about your unspoken emotions. You couldn't deny the truth any longer—the love you felt for Jungkook had bloomed quietly, nurtured by his unwavering presence in your life and it reflected in the selection of songs carefully chosen by him.

And so you continued to listen, to immerse yourself in the music that spoke of love and longing. It was a soundtrack to his emotions, a testament to the unspeakable love that had grown between you and him.

The guys had planned a small gathering at your house. Hoseok, Jimin and Tae arrived at the same time around 8:00 p.m. with food, drinks and Cards Against Humanity. They were already having fun when they rang the bell.

"Hey," you said as you opened the door.

"Hey!" they greeted you.

You all headed towards the living room and they placed the things they brought on the table.

You chuckled, feeling a wave of warmth at their enthusiasm. "Thanks for coming, guys. I've got the place ready—cleaned up only for you the other day," you teased, motioning towards the neatly arranged living room.

As you all settled in, chatting and unpacking the snacks and games, there was a noticeable absence. Jungkook hadn't arrived yet, and though you tried not to dwell on it, his absence didn't go unnoticed by your friends.

"Where's Jungkook?" Tae finally asked, voicing the question that lingered in the air.

You shrugged nonchalantly, though your heart skipped a beat at the mention of his name. "Not sure. He said he might be a bit late."

Hoseok raised an eyebrow, exchanging a knowing look with Jimin. "Didn't he say he was gonna meet with someone from Tinder?"

"Tinder?"

"You know, the dating app," Tae chimed in, taking a bite of a snack.

"I know what Tinder is Tae,” you replied with a laugh, trying to keep your cool.

"So you didn't know he was on a date?"

"No, he didn't tell me. Are you serious? He's on a date right now?" Your voice came out louder than expected, and you cursed yourself for the slip.

Jimin frowned, concerned. "Are you okay, Y/N?"

You waved dismissively, trying to downplay the hurt and disappointment. "Yeah, all good... well, more food and games for us until he gets here."

You tried to push down the gnawing feeling of jealousy that threatened to surface at the thought of Jungkook on a date with someone else. The idea of him with another person stirred up emotions you had been trying so hard to accept the past days. You forced a smile as you joined in the banter and laughter, attempting to bury your own conflicting emotions.

Despite their casual remarks, you couldn't shake the unease settling in your stomach. You hoped Jungkook would arrive soon, eager for his presence to dispel the nervous tension building within you.

The minutes ticked by, filled with laughter and infinite jokes over Cards Against Humanity. Each time the doorbell rang, you found yourself tensing, hoping it was him. But each time, it turned out to be someone else—a delivery person, one of your neighbors...

As the evening progressed, you couldn't help but steal glances at your phone, checking for any messages from Jungkook. But you decided not to keep waiting and decided to send him a text first.

'whats taking you so longggggggg' it read.

He replied instantly. 'i'm outside, coming now'

You put down your phone, your heart pounding. A few seconds later, you heard familiar footsteps approaching and there was a knock on the door. You got up, heading towards the door.

"He's here!" Tae exclaimed, a grin spreading across his face as he jumped up to answer the door with you.

You held your breath as Jungkook stepped inside, a sheepish smile on his lips as he greeted everyone. His eyes met yours briefly, and for a moment, the world seemed to slow down.

"Sorry I'm late guys," Jungkook said, setting down a bag of drinks next to Tae's.

Jimin smirked teasingly. "Lost track of time, huh?"

Jungkook chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of his neck. "Haha nah,"

Absolutely not. It was a disaster. Why did I agree to this? She seemed nice enough online, he thought, but in person... It just wasn’t there. The conversation felt forced, and I couldn’t wait for it to end. He grimaced, recalling how he struggled to find common ground and forced a laugh at her jokes. I should've been with y/n tonight, helping her get everything ready for this.

Of course, all of that stayed in his head. He was embarrassed to tell everyone how much he hated meeting someone new. It would just give your friends the opening to tease him more about it.

"Well, you made it, and we're all here now. So let's start" you suggested, breaking the silence.

His eyes sought out yours, finding a mix of emotions reflected back at him—surprise, curiosity, and something he couldn't quite place.

Everyone nodded in agreement and moved to gather around the coffee table, pulling your cushions closer.

With Jungkook's presence, the gathering felt complete, as if a missing piece had been found.

And as you all laughed and played into the night, you couldn't ignore the way Jungkook's gaze lingered on you, a silent reassurance of the feelings you'd been trying to suppress.

"I'm going to take a photo of this." Tae announced, lifting up his beer.

You and the others followed suit, holding your drinks up and smiling. Jungkook on your right got closer to you for the picture, cheek to cheek, his scent surrounding you. You wanted to lean in and practically inhale him.

"Perfect." Tae snapped the shot, and then showed it to the group. "What do you think, everyone?"

Everyone agreed that it was a good photo.

"We all look great," Tae said.

"But not as good as those two," Hoseok joked.

You rolled your eyes. "Please."

"It's true," Hoseok insisted. "You guys look good together."

Jimin nodded, taking another sip of his drink. "They're right. You’d make a cute couple."

Jungkook felt shy at their words. It's not like he was trying to hide his feelings for you, but he hadn't exactly made his intentions known, either. It was frustrating, wanting to be closer to you but not knowing how.

At least it was encouraging to know that your closest friends were seeing you both that way. That meant he had hope, right?

"Okay, that's enough," you said, feeling your cheeks heat up. "Let's keep playing."

As the game resumed, the group's attention shifted back to the cards.

You cleared your throat, shifting awkwardly on the cushion. "So... how was your date?"

Jungkook winced, not meeting your eyes. "It was okay," he said, his tone lacking enthusiasm.

You bit your lip, curiosity gnawing at you. "Just okay? What happened?"

Jungkook shook his head, still not meeting your gaze. "I don't know. It just didn't feel right, I guess."

You tilted your head, searching his face. "What do you mean?"

Jungkook shrugged, a sheepish expression on his face. "It was just... awkward. We didn't really click. I don't know."

Your chest tightened, a mix of emotions swirling inside. "Oh," you managed, turning back to the game. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I'm not good at this kind of thing, you know? Meeting new people, going on dates. It's hard for me. I'd rather be with people I already know and trust."

You knew what he meant. The same went for you. It was hard enough trying to navigate your feelings without having to worry about other people, too.

You nodded, giving him a small smile. "I get it."

"I just wish it could be easier, you know? Like, finding someone you actually like who happens to also like you back, and not having to worry about anything else. Just enjoying each other's company."

Your breath caught, your mind reeling from his words. And from the way he was looking at you, you could tell he wasn't just talking about friendship.

"Why would you say something like that?" you questioned, the words tumbling out before you could stop them.

Jungkook's brow furrowed in confusion. "What do you mean? Say something like what?"

"That you wish you could be with someone who actually likes you and not have to worry about anything else."

"I... because it's true. I don't want to go on stupid dates anymore, I want to be with someone I care about. Someone I can laugh and have fun with."

You swallowed, your pulse quickening.

"Someone like who?"

Jungkook exhaled, a nervous smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "I think you know who," he said quietly.

You stared at him, speechless, as his words sunk in. Your heart was racing, your body buzzing with adrenaline.

Hoseok, who had been unusually quiet, suddenly made himself heard, "I think I'm stuck in your bathroom!"

You and Jungkook turned to find your friend, who sounded flustered and slightly panicked. Jimin and Tae burst into laughter, trying to contain themselves as Hoseok continued to tug at the bathroom door.

"What do you mean you're stuck?" Jimin managed to ask between giggles.

Hoseok yelled helplessly. "I went in to use the bathroom, and now the door won't open!"

Jungkook glanced at you with a bemused smile, the tension from earlier dissipating with the absurdity of the situation. "Seriously, Hobi?" he chuckled.

Hoseok sounded exasperated. "It's not funny! How am I supposed to get out of here?"

"I'll go get some tools," Tae offered, still chuckling as he headed towards the kitchen.

You stepped closer to the bathroom door, trying to assess the situation. "It's just stuck. Let me try," you suggested, reaching for the handle and giving it a firm tug.

To everyone's surprise, the door swung open easily, revealing Hoseok looking both relieved and slightly embarrassed. "Oh, thanks, I swear it was stuck…"

Jimin clapped Hoseok on the back, still laughing. "Sure it was, Hobi. Sure."

The rest of the evening passed by in a blur of laughter and games, and despite the lingering awkwardness from earlier, you were glad that the night had gone well.

It was close to 2:00 a.m. when your friends finally began to call it a night, and you were exhausted.

"Thanks again for coming, everyone. I had a lot of funnnn," you said, giving them each a hug goodbye.

Jungkook was still on your kitchen helping you clean up all the mess you made. Drying the dishes and placing the glasses on your cabinets. You were cleaning up the table when he walked up to you.

"Need any help?"

"I'm done, thank you."

"Are you sure?"

"I am, thanks Kookie,"

You started walking towards your room when you heard him speak up.

"I really liked being here tonight."

"I know it was a lot of fun," you replied with a small smile. You grabbed his hoodie and his iPod to return them. Staring at the endearing device. Almost as if it were something fragile.

"I'm glad you had a good time," you responded as you walked back to the kitchen, handing him back his belongings. As you stood there in the dimly lit room, a comfortable silence settled between you. Jungkook's gaze was intense as he looked at you, his eyes searching yours for something unspoken.

Jungkook paused his moves, as if weighing his next words carefully. "I was thinking... maybe we could hang out again this week, just the two of us."

"What about the girl from Tinder?" you asked as you returned to face him, your tone sharper than you intended.

Jungkook frowned, confusion clouding his features. "What are you talking about? You know I went on one date. I told you it was a disaster."

You sighed, suddenly feeling foolish. "Yeah, I know, don't know why I asked that, haha" you muttered. "Didn't know you still used this thing,"

He smiled, his fingers brushing over the iPod. "I still love my music in here, you know, it sounds a lot better"

"Yeah, that's what I thought,"

He looked at you intently, and the air between you seemed to grow heavy.

"I've missed spending time with you, Y/N."

Your breath caught in your throat, your pulse quickening as you stared at him. "Me too," you whispered.

"So, is that a yes?"

"A yes to what?"

"The offer to hang out,"

"Oh, right. Um, yeah, sure. Sounds nice."

Jungkook's face lit up. "Cool. Well, I guess I'll see you later, then." With a final smile, he turned and left.

You watched him go and your mind was spinning. Jungkook's words echoed in your head, his words sending a flutter through your chest. You couldn't help but grin. Maybe there was hope for you two after all.

The following day, you woke up to the sun streaming in through your curtains, illuminating the room in a soft glow. You stretched lazily, savoring the warmth of your bed, before reluctantly climbing out and heading to the bathroom to wash up.

Unconciously, you began to shut yourself out. You had spent the whole night awake, thoughts about the possibility of being with your best friend swirling around your head, preventing you from falling asleep.

As you brushed your teeth, you heard your phone buzz. It was a text from him.

'Good morning'

A smile tugged at your lips, butterflies erupting in your stomach.

'good morning'

'can we go out today? im craving pizza'

You bit your lip, considering the invitation. A part of you was eager to see him, but another part was worried that it might be awkward, especially after the scenarios you created in your head last night.

You ended up refusing to go out with him. And he started to get anxious. He thought he may have done something wrong. That you were actually angry for going on a date or that you no longer wanted him to be part of your life just because he went out with someone else.

Jungkook started panicking.

And so, he called the guys.

"I don't know, she's just not acting normal." he sighed.

"Did something happen the other night?" Hoseok asked, concerned.

"No, I don't think so. She didn't say anything to me,"

"So why is she mad at you?"

"I have no idea. I was hoping maybe you had an idea,"

"Did she say she was mad at you?"

"Not directly, but she didn't want to go out today,"

"Well, I'm not surprised. She's probably just tired,"

"Tired?"

"Yeah, from work and all that, she's probably exhausted. I'm sure it's nothing."

"Do you think so? You don't think she's mad at me?"

"I really don't think she is. She'll probably just want to rest for a few days, and then things will go back to normal."

Your attitude changed so suddenly. You kept on cancelling on him. It’s been weeks.

"You have to talk to her, man," Jimin said.

"What do I say? How do I bring it up? Do I just ask her why she's been avoiding me? What if she doesn't know what I'm talking about?"

"Then ask her. Don't overthink it. Just say it."

Jungkook sighed, frustrated. "You make it sound so easy,"

"Look, I'm not gonna lie to you. It's probably gonna be awkward as fuck, but you can't let it get in the way of your friendship. You've been friends for so long, and it's obviously important to both of you. If she really is mad at you, then you need to find out what's going on. But if she's not, then you need to clear the air and move on. Because otherwise, this is just gonna keep getting worse and worse for you."

"Yeah, you're right. I'm just... worried, I guess."

"I know, but don't be. Everything’s fine. It’ll work out, especially if you let her know that you like her."

"What? Are you crazy? I can't just tell her that."

"Why not?"

"Because... what if she doesn't feel the same way?"

"So what if she doesn't? You'll never know unless you tell her. And if she does feel the same way, then you can finally stop being all sad and pathetic."

"You think she likes me?"

"Well, only she can tell you that, but you'll never know if you don't talk to her. So suck it up and go for it."

"Fine. I'll talk to her."

"Good."

"But... how do I tell her?"

"Just be honest. Tell her you've been worried that something is wrong, and you want to make sure everything is okay. Then let her know how you feel. But, be prepared for her reaction. If she doesn't feel the same way, it could make things weird. But you need to deal with it and move on."

That same day you were laying down in bed, scrolling through your phone. Reading over and over the lyrics of one particular song on the playlist.

"Is there a place for me? Is there a place for us? I can't tell you how much I love you, babe Open the door Open your heart Tell me how you're feeling, I miss you so bad I'm falling to pieces"

And just like that, your phone began vibrating, your heart beating rapidly as his name flashed across the screen.

"Hello?"

"Hey, are you free? Can we talk?"

"Uhm... sure, yeah. Now?"

"If it's okay, yes."

"Okay,"

"I'm coming up now."

"Wait, wha-..."

Jungkook was already at your door, knocking frantically. You opened it for him, your heart in your throat.

He stood before you, looking determined. His eyes were wide, his hair tousled, and he was out of breath, as if he had just run a marathon.

"Sorry, I was already on my way. I had to do it now. I have to say it, because otherwise, I won't have the courage to say it some other time,"

"Okay?"

He inhaled deeply, his eyes locked on yours.

"Y/N, I really, really like you. And I've been so confused and conflicted because I've always liked you, then I started thinking that maybe there was more. And then I realized there was. I really, really like you."

You swallowed hard, the words ringing in your ears.

"I-..."

"It's okay, I just wanted you to know,"

You shook your head, struggling to comprehend what he had just told you. "I'm sorry, I'm just..."

"I know, and I'm sorry. But I had to say it."

"So, does this mean... what are you saying exactly?"

Jungkook hesitated, running a hand through his hair. "Look, Y/N, I don't expect anything from you, and I don't want things to get weird. But I just had to tell you. I'm crazy about you."

You nodded slowly, processing his words. "uh. I-... uh."

"I know it's sudden, and I'm sorry. I just couldn't hold it in anymore. But I don't want anything to change, I promise. I'll just go, and we can forget this ever happened. We can go back to the way things were, I promise. I'm sorry,"

"Jungkook, stop apologizing. It's not a bad thing, I'm just... processing. I've never had anyone say they're crazy about me before," with your phone in your hand an idea immediately came to you.

"Can I show you something?" you asked him.

"What is it?"

You walked up to him, your phone in your hand. You handed him your device and let him see your screen. There it was, the infamous playlist.

Jungkook's doe eyes widened, a small gasp escaping his lips as he noticed. "What... is this...?"

"I went through your iPod when you left your hoodie last time," you told him with an embarrassed grin. "They’re the same songs you have on yours,"

"This is so embarrassing," he groaned, his cheeks red. "You... you went through my iPod?" Jungkook asked, now with a hint of amusement in his voice.

You nodded, feeling a mix of embarrassment and relief that he wasn't angry about it. "I was curious about the music you listen to. And I found… this,”

He stared at the playlist, then back at you, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "So... does that mean you... already knew how I felt?" Jungkook asked, hope flickering in his eyes.

Your heart raced at his words, a mix of excitement and uncertainty swirling inside you. Could this really be happening? Could your long-standing friendship truly be blossoming into something more?

"Jungkook," you began, your voice barely above a whisper. "I... I like you too. More than just a friend."

"So what does this mean? That we are supposed to be together?"

"Maybe, or maybe not. It could just mean that you have great taste in music and I admire it,"

Jungkook's eyes widened with hope, a grin spreading across his face. "I've been wanting to tell you for so long, but I was afraid of ruining everything between us."

You smiled, your heart fluttering. "Me too, I’m sorry for making you worry these past few days,"

"Can I hug you?" he asked, his voice trembling slightly.

You nodded, wrapping your arms around his neck.

Jungkook held onto you tightly, his arms snug around your waist. You rested your chin on his shoulder, closing your eyes and inhaling his familiar scent.

After a few moments, he pulled away slightly, his hands still resting on your hips.

He looked at you with a mix of relief and uncertainty in his eyes. "So, I didn't ruin anything between us?" he murmured softly.

You shook your head, a small smile playing on your lips. "You didn't ruin anything, Jungkook. If anything, you've made everything clearer."

His shoulders relaxed slightly at your words, a hint of a smile returning to his face. "I'm glad."

"I'm glad too," you began again, your voice steady but tinged with nervousness. "But I also want you to know that... I've been thinking a lot too."

Jungkook turned to face you fully, his expression a mix of anticipation and apprehension. "About...?"

"About us," you admitted softly, meeting his gaze. "About how much I enjoy spending time with you, about how much I admire you, and... how I've felt something more than just friendship for a while now."

His eyes widened slightly, hope flickering in them. "A while?”

You nodded, a shy smile playing on your lips. "Yes, Jungkook. A while. I've just been afraid to say anything because I didn't want to lose you in case you didn't felt the same way about me."

He stepped closer to you, his hand reaching out tentatively. "Y/N... I wish I had known sooner. I've been struggling with these feelings, not knowing if you felt the same way."

"I'm sorry for not saying anything earlier," you murmured, your fingers brushing against his. "But I'm glad we're talking about it now."

He squeezed your hand gently, his eyes never leaving yours. "Me too. More than anything."

There was a moment of silence between you, the weight of your shared emotions hanging in the air. Finally, Jungkook spoke again, his voice filled with determination.

"So... what do we do now?"

You chuckled softly, feeling a surge of affection for him. "I think we take it one step at a time. We've already taken a big step today."

He nodded, a smile spreading across his face. "Yeah, you're right. I'm just... really happy right now."

"Me too," you said, squeezing his hand.

"I guess the only question now is... are we... together together?" he asked hesitantly.

You grinned, your heart pounding in your chest. "Only if you want us to be,"

"Yes, yes, yes. Of course, yes,"

"Then it's settled. We're together," you giggled.

Jungkook laughed, the sound sending a warm feeling through your chest.

Cut to 4 years in the future.

There you were at a dinner with friends and family. It had been four years since you got together, but it felt like an eternity. You both were so excited for each other, for your life from now on.

"Hey, you got a little something," he whispered, brushing away a strand of hair from your cheek.

You couldn't help but smile, his touch as tender as ever. "Thanks,"

"No problem," he smiled.

Then you could hear someone clinking a glass. "A few words from the fiancé!" Jin's voice reverberated through the dimly lit restaurant.

"Y-yeah, yeah," your boyfriend stuttered, clearing his throat and standing up. He was a nervous wreck, and it was adorable.

"Um, first, thank you all for being here. It really means a lot to us. We know how important it is to have your loved ones around you on a special day, and we're so grateful for everyone who's supported us. Second, a special thanks to my future father and mother-in-law. Thank you for always being there for us and for supporting our relationship. And, um, thanks to my own parents for, uh, also supporting us."

As the guests began to laugh, your boyfriend cleared his throat and continued, his gaze fixed on yours.

"But most importantly, I want to say thank you to my amazing girlfriend. Thank you for making every day better. Thank you for always being by my side and for loving me unconditionall—"

"We know that already! Entertain us or I won't pay the bill!" Jin's loud voice interrupted again.

You couldn't help but chuckle and the guests laughed again, amused.

Your fiancé smiled, clearly enjoying the teasing.

"Alright, alright," Jungkook cleared his throat before he continued, "actually, we agreed that we'd never tell anyone how we actually got together but I guess we're past that, right babe?"

"Oh no, don't!" You blushed, a little embarrassed.

"It's a funny story," he continued. "It's kind of a long one, but this girl right here thought that the best course of action was to make me a dating app profile before telling me that she was in love with me."

Everyone burst into laughter.

"I was dumb, okay?" you joked, earning more laughter from the guests.

"So, we ended up talking to some people on said dating app and went on a few dates, which were terrible—"

"Hey! It's not my fault that you agreed even though you were also in love with me!" — "Everyone, he had a playlist with my name filled with sentimental songs like the most lovesick boy on Earth!"

"But babe trust me, it's a great playlist, by the way," you added.

"And then we got drunk, and the truth was revealed."

"What?! No way," Hoseok laughed.

"We weren’t drunk, I’m kidding, I just told her that I had liked her since the beginning," he said. "We just made a disaster, and we were both scared shitless."

"But here we are," you added.

"So, yeah, thanks for coming everyone," your fiancé concluded, his voice breaking a little as he wrapped up his little speech.

You could see him trying to blink back tears as he sat back down next to you, and you gave his hand a squeeze.

"You did great," you whispered, leaning in to give him a quick kiss.

"Thanks," he replied, his voice hoarse.

Your parents got up, taking the floor after him.

"Thank you, thank you," your mom said, a bit embarrassed.

"We’d like to share a few words as well. First, we'd like to thank everyone for coming. It's such a privilege to have all our family and friends here, and we're so thankful for your support. And we're especially grateful for our beautiful daughter and our soon-to-be son-in-law. We are so proud of both of you, and we know you'll have a long and happy life together."

"Thanks," you managed to say, overcome with emotion.

"So, now, we'd like to present the couple with a little something. It's just a small token of our love for them," your mother added, signaling for someone to come forward.

Jimin, Hoseok, and Tae stood up from the table and approached the stage, each of them holding a framed collage.

"Here, you can pass these out," your mother said, handing each of the guests copies of the photos.

You and your fiancé were stunned as the three guys presented the photos to you.

The photos were a collage of different memories: you and him during his graduation, another one from yours, a candid shot of him cooking for you, a photo of the two of you smiling in front of the sunset, and a picture of him holding your hand while you were asleep.

Tears welled up in your eyes as you took in the beautiful photos, each one capturing a special moment in your relationship. The love and happiness radiating from the images made your heart feel full to the brim. You glanced at Jungkook, whose eyes were also glistening with unshed tears, and you reached for his hand, holding it tightly.

"Thank you so much," you managed to say, your voice choked with emotion. "These are... perfect."

"I have a gift for you too," you told him, reaching under the table. You brought out a box wrapped in bright pink paper and a bow.

He looked at you with surprise, his eyes shining with curiosity as he took the box from your hands. Slowly unwrapping it, his mouth fell open in astonishment when he saw what was inside. Nestled within the box was a beautifully crafted watch, the silver band gleaming under the soft light of the restaurant.

"Oh wow," he breathed, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "It's... it's incredible."

"It's engraved," you whispered, pointing to the back of the watch where a message was etched. His eyes widened as he read the words: 'Forever yours, Y/N.'

"I was hoping you'd wear it to the wedding," you said, grinning. "But don't cry, you'll make me cry!" you exclaimed.

"I'm not crying, I just..." he trailed off, sniffling.

"I love it," Jungkook finally managed to say, his voice filled with emotion. He stood up abruptly and pulled you into a tight hug, “I love you.”

As you both separated, there was a collective 'aww' from the guests, making you both blush.

The rest of the evening continued with laughter and joy, surrounded by the love of friends and family. People danced, sang, and shared stories late into the night. It was a celebration of love and new beginnings.

As the night winded down and guests started to leave, you found yourselves standing alone in the dimly lit space. Jungkook wrapped his arm around your waist and pulled you close.

"Thank you for everything today," you said sincerely, looking into his big brown eyes.

"Thank you for being mine," he replied softly, feeling overwhelmed with happiness.

"I wouldn't want to be anyone else's," you whispered, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips.

Jungkook cupped your face in his hands and placed a lingering kiss on your forehead. The world around you seemed to fade, leaving just the two of you in a bubble of the deepest affection you’ve ever felt.

#bts #bts fanfic #bts fic #bts imagines #bts scenarios #bts au #bts members #bts x reader #bts jungkook #jungkook imagine #jungkook scenarios #jungkook x reader #jungkook x y/n #jungkook x you #jungkook fanfic #jungkook bts #jeon jungkook #Spotify

136 notes · View notes