#I used to be active and now brain empt

[clownboymcchucklefuck]

Hands you an egg in this trying time. Posting to your blog is for you first and foremost. You don't owe it to anyone to be active. That being said. Good to see you 😊

WHY ARE YOU ALL SO NICE AND KIND IM GOING TO CRY

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Frozen

*screeches in delight* Ok so I just finished the TSS masterlist (also please add me to the taglist) and at least in the past, you did literal interpretations of sayings. My question is, does this apply to fight/flight/freeze or brain freeze, and if so, do you have the spoons to write a fic? - diamond-blade

So I just saw this post (do links work in asks? It’s by orbmanson7), and now I want a Logan angst fic where the other sides literally silenced him. Or just any Logan angst, I’m not picky! - anon

Read on Ao3

Warnings: paralysis

Pairings: gen

Word Count: 2284

    Out of all of the ways he envisioned the argument ending, this wasn't one of them.

"Look, if we could all just get on the same page—"

"Same page? You're on a different chapter, Pocket Protector!" Roman throws his hands up. "Matter of fact, a different book! A different library!"

"There really is no need to be so dramatic."

"No—no need?" Roman splutters. "What do you think my job is?"

"It's not to be a constant nuisance!"

"I dunno," Virgil mutters, "could've fooled me."

"Oh, like you can talk!"

"Now, now, everyone—" Patton raises his hands in what is supposed to be a placating manner— "let's stop with all the name-calling and just settle down."

"Oh, I haven't even started name-calling."

"I think the point was to pre-empt any name-calling you may have done," Logan points out, pinching the bridge of his nose.

There really was no reason for this argument to spiral out of control so much. It was simply to decide whether Thomas would spend the day writing—as he had planned for the week and had already declined other weekend activities for, he had expressed multiple times that he wanted to write and in fact, missed it—or whether he would accept the invitation for coffee from someone he'd met a few days earlier.

Logan, of course, had maintained that they decline. They had plans, they had projects, ones that Roman himself had been advocating they work on.

Roman, however, being as fickle as he always is, had the prospect of romance figuratively waved under his nose and he'd been derailed faster than—well, a train derailing.

"Logan's got a point, Princey, you're the one who's been pushing for us to do the projects for like, a month." Virgil leans back against the stair rail. "You realize that this is likely the only time Logan's gonna be agreeing with you on…anything for the next year, right?"

"Logan, on average, how long does 'getting coffee' normally take?"

"Well, based on most estimates the actual act of procuring the coffee takes about five to ten minutes depending on the density of the other customers, extending to forty minutes if during peak rush hours—"

"You know what I meant."

"—but the act of 'getting coffee' in a romantic setting normally lasts at least an hour."

Roman gestures emphatically. "One hour! One hour! We can spare one hour from our busy day of writing to go and get coffee with someone."

"Interrupting your creative process has rarely shown such productivity. Additionally, it is unlikely that it will remain one hour when you account for travel time."

"Aren't you the one who's always advocating for healthy scheduling and taking breaks? I seem to recall a lengthy conversation with both you and Janus about pacing myself." Roman gestures at the door. "This is a way for me to take a break! For all of us to take a break!"

Virgil snorts. "Speak for yourself, Princey. Both you and I are gonna be on the clock."

"Plus—" Roman points at Patton— "the other day you and I were talking about how I need more inspiration! Because we decided that going on quests in the Imagination wasn't good enough, so I need new material! This is how I get new material!"

Patton falters and inwardly, Logan curses. If Roman can get Patton on his side…then the argument is as good as over.

"You also have a tendency to get distracted very easily by new things," he points out, "and it is likely that you will become so preoccupied with fantasies about this new potential suitor that you will lose all motivation or inspiration to work on these projects."

Virgil hums, pointing at him. "He's got a point."

"…he does, kiddo."

Roman makes an affronted noise, all but wilting. "Come on, this'll be good for Thomas!"

"Good for Thomas," Logan asks, "or good for you?"

"What's the difference?"

"Well," he continues, adjusting his glasses, "what's good for Thomas can also be working on these projects he's been letting sit and stagnate for almost a month now to help appease his Anxiety and maintain a consistent level of productivity."

He raises an eyebrow.

"And it allows more than one of us to take 'center stage,' if you will."

"I appreciate the theater reference, but come on, I'm asking you for an hour! Two, tops!"

"We've kinda already set this day aside for you, Roman," Patton says warily, "you—don't you think you're getting a little greedy?"

There are points, Logan has realized, where, in hindsight, he can label them as the moments where the nosedives begin. And while he will grant both Roman and himself the respect to admit they'd been somewhat antagonistic towards each other, Patton's remark had…well.

"Greedy?" Roman draws himself up. "Excuse me, what exactly am I being greedy about?"

"We have already decided this day shall be for writing. That means that you will be the one who is 'in charge,' so to speak, or at the very least your connection to Thomas will be prioritized." Logan gestures around at the others. "However, as Thomas's creative process revolves around us as well, as characters he has created and such, that means we shall also have a part to play, even if yours is disproportionate to ours."

"Okay—"

"However," Logan continues as Roman tries to interrupt him, "if you choose instead to go on this…coffee date—"

"I didn't say it was a date!" Roman holds up a proclamatory finger. "Let the record show I never said it was a date."

"That's kinda what you implied, though," Virgil muttered.

"—if you choose to go," Logan says, speaking over them, "then it will very much be a 'one-man show,' if you will, save for the occasional inputs you deign to allow the rest of us."

"Except me," Virgil adds, "you get no say in that matter."

"So, yes, Roman." Logan crosses his arms. "Trying to force an activity where you have more of a say could be considered greedy."

Roman splutters, looking back and forth as if expecting someone to deny it. When no one does, he puffs himself up and clears his throat. "I am trying to ensure Thomas gets adequate socialization and continues to meet new people! I-if anything, it's Logan who's being greedy for insisting we stick to his strict schedule!"

"Oh, god."

"Roman…"

Logan draws himself up too. "I have at least taken the time and care to make sure that everyone is content with the schedule, whereas you—"

"I"m not content with it! In case that is very much unclear—"

"—insist on blundering through things as you always do and expecting everyone else to cater to your needs—"

"—no, I am not happy with it. And you're the one who insists I have only 0.5% of any given day, were you just looking for an excuse to—"

"—without realizing that we have to work together. I understand that might be a difficult concept for you to grasp—"

"—shut me out? Oh, and here we go again, el principe es estupido, is that the only insult you have?"

"—but I assure you it is a worthwhile endeavor. Perhaps if you were capable of seeing beyond yourself—"

"I don't know how to put other people first? Why do you think I've let this project be pushed off so much, because none of you—"

"—then you might realize that the world does not, in fact, revolve around you and whatever you think is important—"

"—seem to think it's worth doing even though it's Thomas's source of income! You don't understand how hard it is to—"

"—and since you clearly cannot afford even the basic respect of listening to me and letting me speak uninterrupted, then clearly you are not capable of considering the fact that you are not—"

"Shut up!"

—worth having this argument with, is what Logan would say, or perhaps even don't tell me to shut up!

What he ends up saying is nothing.

Nothing at all.

Which is, of course, because he has been frozen.

His arms go rigid at his sides. His lungs refuse to inflate. His eyes begin to water from their inability to blink. His mouth dries up and he stands there, hangs there, freezes there as something horribly cold and deadly seeps into him.

I can't move. I can't move. I can't move.

An interesting thing about pain; pain requires functioning nerves. If you can't feel anything, then you can't feel pain. But if you can't feel pain, then you can't tell when something is wrong. And if you can't tell when something is wrong, you can't tell when it's getting worse.

Mouth open, one hand slightly raised, his weight imperfectly balanced on one leg because he'd been in the middle of shifting, Logan freezes in place. He looks at his hand and for a moment, he doesn't quite recognize that it's his hand because he can't feel it. He can't move it. He can only stare at this thing a few inches in front of him that looks like a hand that used to belong to him.

Then he remembers he can't scream.

"What the fuck did you do?"

"Logan? Logan, are you okay?"

"What the fuck did you do, Roman?"

"I don't know! I didn't—I don't know, I've never done this before!"

"Well, fucking undo it then!"

"I don't know how! I don't—don't shut up! Talk, Logan, say something! Move!"

"It's not working!"

"I can see that it's not working!"

"L, L, you gotta move, you gotta—come on, bud, you gotta."

"Un-shut up! Anti-shut up! Move again! Undo whatever I just did! I take it back!"

"That's not working either!"

"Fuck—I'm sorry, Logan! I didn't mean it, I just got angry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"

"Roman, I swear to god, if you can't fix this—"

"Unfreeze!"

Logan gasps, sensation flooding back into his body so quickly it's almost painful. He collapses into a heap as blood rushes through him, pounding so heavily in his ears that it's almost deafening. His hands—his hands, he can move them now—scream with pain as he clenches and unclenches them, his muscles trying slowly to reacclimate to moving, to feeling, to being unfrozen.

"Easy, bud," comes Virgil's low voice, "in for five, okay? One…two…three…four…five. Good, good job. Hold now…"

He lets Virgil walk him through a breathing exercise until he can breathe normally. He looks up and nods when Virgil gives him a quiet you okay?

"Logan, kiddo? You okay, sweetheart?"

"Yes…yes, I think so."

"Go slow, okay," Virgil warns as he starts to stand up again, "you just gotta go slow."

Standing is…challenging, but he manages. The whole ordeal had lasted barely a minute and now that he's able to move again, the panic fades and he can start to function once more. He takes a few more deep breaths to steady himself before he looks around.

Patton is hovering, concern written plainly all over his face. Virgil is next to him, there if he needs to grab onto his shoulder or sink out. Roman is—

Roman is standing on the other side of the room, his hands held over his mouth in horror. There are tears on his face.

"I'm sorry, Logan," he whispers, "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it, I didn't even know I could do that, I—are you okay?"

"Yes," and surprisingly, he is, "I'm alright now. I would…appreciate if that didn't happen again."

"No, no, of course, I won't—I won't do it again. I promise."

"Thank you."

Roman nods, his hands finally moving away from his face. He swallows and draws himself up, although this time it's far more similar to a child trying to save face than an arrogant prince. "I, um…we can…I'll be ready to write on Saturday."

"That would be great, thank you."

"Do you…need or want anything else right now?"

He pauses, considering, before slowly reaching out for him. Roman balks, confusion and fear warring on his features before he slowly crosses the room to let Logan grab onto him.

"You're the warmest," Logan mumbles, lurching forward to hug him—only it ends up being more like leaning his entire weight on Roman while Roman holds him up— "I'm still cold."

"Oh, of—of course." Roman wraps his arms carefully around him and Logan hums. "Would—do you want to sit on the couch?"

"Mm."

"…was that a 'yes?'"

"Yes."

Roman helps him carefully over to the couch as Virgil and Patton pull out the coffee table to make room for everyone's limbs. Logan turns his face against Roman's shoulder and closes his eyes.

"I'm going to sleep here now."

"Okay." Roman adjusts his grip so he won't get a strain in his neck. "I really am sorry, Logan."

"I know." He blinks up at him. "We can't do Saturday, but maybe…we may be able to do Sunday?"

Roman smiles. "We can talk about it later. You should sleep now."

And so he does.

General Taglist: @frxgprince@potereregina@gattonero17@iamhereforthegayshit@thefingergunsgirl@awkwardandanxiousfander@creative-lampd-liberties@djpurple3@winterswrandomness@sanders-sides-uncorrect-quotes@iminyourfandom@bullet-tothefeels@full-of-roman-angst-trash  @ask-elsalvador @ramdomthingsfrommymind@demoniccheese83@pattonsandershugs @el-does-photography @princeanxious@firefinch-ember@fandomssaremysoul@im-an-anxious-wreck@crazy-multifandomfangirl @punk-academian-witch@enby-ralsei@unicornssunflowersandstuff@wildhorsewolf @thetruthaboutthesun @stubbornness-and-spite @princedarkandstormv  @your-local-fookin-deadmeme @angels-and-dreams@averykedavra @a-ghostlight-for-roman @treasurechestininterweb @cricketanne @queerly-fluid-fan @compactdiscdraws@cecil-but-gayer@i-am-overly-complicated@annytheseal@alias290@tranquil-space-ninja @arxticandy @mychemically-imbalanced-romance@whyiask@crows-ace @emilythezeldafan@frida0043 @ieatspinalcords @snowyfires@cyanide-violence@oonagh2@xxpanic-at-the-everywherexx@rabbitsartcorner @percy-07734@triflingassailantofmyemotions @virgil-sanders-the-gay-emo@cerulean-watermelon@puffed-up-bees@meltheromanstan@joyrose-fandomer@insanitori@mavenmush@justablah65@10paradox10@uhhh-hi-there-i-am-nervous@cutebisexualmess@bella-bugatti-frogetti-baguetti@ultrageekygirl

[mitchsenweek]

IT’S MITCHSEN WEEK!!

It’s Sunday May 12 down here in Australia so first day prompt creations are being accepted from now. Please tag your work with the #MitchsenWeek2019 tag so I have a better chance of finding them, or you may even like to tag the blog in your post. If I miss yours for whatever reason, send me a message and I’ll get it taken care of.

Also, I’ve decided that my Mitchsen Week fics are being kept tumblr only until the week is complete.

Happy Mitchsen Week y’all!

(And happy Mother’s Day to all you mitchsen mamas out there.)

Day One - Secret Relationship

It started as an accident. Too much alcohol, too much tension. The girls had all consumed way too much in terms of booze, and they were all making a racket somewhere in the house. Aubrey had spotted Beca slinking off down the hall and gone after her, planning on dragging her back to the group - this was a bonding session after all. But Beca had sighed and argued back and said she needed a moment for her sanity because she was not cut from the same cloth as the rest of them.

Aubrey had seized that moment and said that she knew Beca wasn’t Bella material, knew it from the second they’d met. But before she got any further, Beca had her face in her hands and was kissing her hard. Aubrey’s brain faltered for half a step until she pushed back, driving the smaller girl against the wall and went about devouring her in return.

Beca was small, slightly cool despite the warmth in the house, and for some reason she didn’t taste like vodka mixers or cask wine. But the small hands on her face, in her hair, on her waist, they were steady and firm and they let it carry on for a while. When Beca finally pushed Aubrey back a fraction, they stared at each other, panting.

“You gotta let me get some air here,” Beca said. “I’m like... not an extrovert. These girls, I love them. But I have to breathe.” Aubrey only nodded.

“Are you - we? Okay?” she managed. Her hands moved to smooth out her skirt.

“Yes,” Beca said. “Both counts, yes. I just need to - well.” Aubrey let her go. She didn’t know what to make of what had just happened.

It developed into a routine. They’d get together - sometimes just the Bellas, sometimes all the acapella groups - and at some point late in the night when alcohol had eradicated most of the sensibilities of the other girls, Beca would disappear and Aubrey would follow. A stolen few moments kissing fiercely in a dark and out of the way corner, before Beca would sneak away under the pretence of clearing her head.

Aubrey pretended that it didn’t bother her, but the longer it went on, the harder it got. Beca never looked at her or spoke to her in a way that would indicate what was going on to anyone else. And it made her wonder just what Beca was playing at. Whether she saw Aubrey as just a plaything or as something else. She decided she was going to force her to have a conversation about it. It didn’t take long for an opportunity to present itself – the girls had all been out together one day, and she and Beca had stolen away into a quiet corner of campus on the walk back, the other girls planning some other activity for the afternoon. They’d spent a few minutes kissing each other fiercely before Aubrey remembered she wanted to talk to her about this.

“We need to talk,” Aubrey said.

“No talking. Kissing.” Beca leaned in again.

“Is this just some dirty little secret to you?” Aubrey asked. “I’m just something you can keep to yourself and never admit to? You just kiss me and then you run.” The smaller girl realised she was serious.

“Wait. No, it’s not like that,” Beca said. “I mean it, Aubrey. Look, why don’t you just come with me?”

“Come where?” Aubrey asked. Beca just held out her hand, so she took it and they headed out of the shadowed quad they’d been in. She realised Beca wasn’t letting go any time soon, and let her fingers curl into Beca’s as they headed across campus, walking together in the afternoon sun.

“They’re all very, very extroverted,” Beca said as they headed past the languages building. “Don’t get me wrong, I love being a part of the group and everything. But it is a huge effort for someone like me to even attempt to keep up with you all. After one of our get togethers it can take a good few days for me to feel like myself again.”

“It’s that exhausting?”

“It’s easier if I leave like this,” Beca said. “If I make some kind of move that lets everyone know I’m thinking about bailing it turns into one more drink or no not yet, all of that. And I hate disappointing you all so I’d stay and then I’d need to spend even more time trying to recharge.”

“You really are that introverted?” Aubrey asked.

“Extremely,” Beca said. “I’ve chosen a campus job that has me locked in a radio station away from people. My major requires no group work at all. I don’t share about myself often and when I do, it isn’t much. I’m not good at talking about things.” They walked on and Aubrey realised she was headed toward Baker Hall.

“Don’t you want to be a performer though?” Aubrey asked.

“No,” Beca said. “Producer. Behind the scenes, not up in lights.” They continued on in silence for a few moments more.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“I kissed you because I wanted to,” Beca said, pre-empting the question. “Because you’re smart and you’re beautiful and because - as previously mentioned - I’m bad at talking about things and it’s easier to do rather than say.”

“But why have we not talked about this?” Aubrey said. Beca held open the door and raised her eyebrows at the question.

“Well, I just explained why I haven’t instigated a conversation,” she said. “As to why you’ve never brought it up, I wouldn’t presume to know.” That silenced Aubrey for a moment. Beca had a point. She was an equal participant in their entanglements and there was no reason for her to assume that Beca should be the first to begin talking about things. They headed up the stairs.

“I just don’t know what to make of it,” Aubrey said. “I mean, obviously I’m enjoying it, but I do want to know what exactly it means. What I mean to you.” Beca stopped at a door and turned to face Aubrey. She put one hand lightly on Aubrey’s chest, high up near her collarbone, using it to steady herself as she leaned up a little and kissed her. This time it was soft and light, and it didn’t last long.

“It means you should come in,” Beca said, unlocking the door. “If you want.” Aubrey followed her in and Beca hit the lights, dropping her bag on the cluttered but not drastically untidy desk.

“Where’s your roommate?” Aubrey asked. Beca shrugged.

“She’s rarely here on weekends,” Beca said. “It’s good though. Gives me space.” She tugged out her phone and music began playing from a speaker next to her bed. She kicked her shoes off, so Aubrey did the same with her sandals

and shrugged her jacket off, hanging it over the back of the chair.

“So what do you want it to mean?” Beca asked. She was bent in front of a small bar fridge and came out with two bottles of water, offering one to Aubrey. “I’m assuming you’re not the type of girl who does meaningless.” They sat on the bed and got comfortable.

“No, I don’t,” Aubrey said. “I’m not one of these girls who can have things mean nothing. The first time you kissed me, I didn’t think much of it, but the more it’s happened, the more I realise it does mean something to me.”

“And it does to me, too,” Beca said. “It actually means a lot to me. But if we’re going to like, date, then I really need to make sure you understand this solitude thing. Because the group can be tiring, but I do want to spend time with you. As much as I can, honestly. But at times, for example if I’ve had a bad day, then yeah, I might need a couple hours to recuperate.”

“You regenerate best on your own,” Aubrey summarised. “Got it. Though if we’re dating now – and that’s what I want – and you do need to be alone, can you at least just let me know so I don’t worry?”

“I could like, probably text you an exploding head emoji dude,” Beca said, tracing hair back out of Aubrey’s face and tucking it behind her ear.

“Then dating it is,” Aubrey said. Beca was starting to lean in. “But let’s not tell the group right away. They’re just going to get straight up in our faces and even I don’t want to deal with that, so I can only imagine how much the thought of it unsettles you.”

“Who knows, the clandestine thing might even be kind of fun for a while,” Beca said. She was so close to Aubrey’s lips, but still not touching her. “I mean, it was always kind of hot just making out like crazy knowing that at any second someone could catch us.”

“Anyone gonna catch us here?” Aubrey asked. Beca shook her head almost imperceptibly, and it was enough for Aubrey to close the tiny gap between them. She let the kiss start softly, but something about this moment felt a little more heated than their darkened corner encounters. Beca’s tongue pushed out and licked against her lower lip, and she parted her lips. Every time they were kissing and their tongues touched for the first time, she got a headrush and a shudder made its way down her spine. Today was no different, but today she didn’t have to worry that someone would hear the moan it brought. Beca pulled back a little.

“That noise is always so hot,” she said. “Every time - it just kills me a little.” Aubrey just pushed against her shoulders until she was hovering over Beca on the bed. She could see Beca’s pupils widening and watched her teeth bite down on her lip.

“This is okay?” Aubrey asked first.

“Of course it is,” Beca said. “Welcomed, even.”

They got pretty entangled on the bed, hands and mouths eagerly going about claiming as much of the other as possible. Beca loved the way Aubrey kissed her, loved the way her lips traced over her neck, her jaw. It made her a little dizzy, in the most pleasant way. Her arms were up in Aubrey’s shirt before she realised what she was doing, nails dragging down her back when she caught herself.

“Can we start to cool it a bit?” Beca said. “I’m not in a hurry. I mean, damn you’re hot and all… but we haven’t even been out on a date. I at least like to do that a few times before we start getting around to sex.” Aubrey kissed her once more, but rolled off to the side. Beca’s hand immediately found hers and their fingers tangled together.

“So can we go out tonight?” Aubrey asked. “Chloe is off doing something with Stacie and I don’t really have any plans.”

“I’m down for dinner or something,” Beca said. “But ideally this right here would be nap time.”

“Oh, let me leave then,” Aubrey said. She shifted so she could get up, only to find herself being tugged back down.

“You could stay,” Beca said. “Just an hour or so, then we can head out.”

“You want to nap with me?” Aubrey said. “How do you know I don’t snore?”

“I don’t,” Beca said. “But you smell good and I like the way your arm feels right here over my body.”

“How am I supposed to argue with that?” Aubrey said. She slid her feet into a tangle with Beca’s and let herself relax into the pillow. She drifted off to the feeling of Beca’s fingers stroking against her wrist.

They managed to keep it quiet for quite a lot longer than either of them anticipated. Beca had confided in Stacie and Chloe about her tendency to hibernate after social activities and they’d accepted it. Aubrey simply explained to the group that she, as a double major, had a lot of study to do. It wasn’t untrue. In fact, it was pretty common for Aubrey to hide out in Beca’s room to study while Beca worked on music. But they were happy together.

They managed to avoid being spotted on dates by simply going further away from campus. They often drove over an hour to just eat dinner together, to kiss each other on street corners without any concern that someone would see them. And Beca’s roommate really was very rarely in the room, which meant when they did start sleeping together there was no danger of being caught by Chloe.

“Do you think it’s time we told them?” Beca asked quietly. They were walking back toward the car after dinner, hands tangled lightly. “It’s been almost three months.”

“If you’re ready,” Aubrey said. “Then sure. I don’t mind waiting if you need a little more time, but if you’re ready, then I’m ready.” She didn’t speak again, seeing that Beca’s brow was furrowed in thought and knowing she just needed a moment.

“I think we should tell them,” she eventually said. “They are our friends and I feel like they’d be happy for us. I know it hasn’t been easy for you, keeping it from Chloe especially. So when we get back, let’s go find her.”

“Okay,” Aubrey said, squeezing her hand softly. “We’ll start with Chloe.”

She texted her roommate as Beca drove back, just to check and make sure that she was in their room and that she was alone. She received confirmation of both of those, so when they got back they headed straight there. Aubrey headed in first.

“Beca?” Chloe said. “Hi. Sorry, didn’t expect to see you here as well.”

“That’s why we wanted to make sure you were here on your own,” Aubrey explained. “We have a confession to make.” Chloe’s eyes widened as she suddenly realised what was happening.

“You guys are together!?” she exclaimed. “Oh my lord. This is… unexpected. But still good, don’t get me wrong.”

“It’s been a lot longer than you think,” Aubrey said. “We’ve been kind of hooking up a bit since the start of the year, but the dating thing, that’s been official for about three months now.”

“Wow.”

“We wanted you to know first,” Beca said. “I know Bree doesn’t like keeping stuff from you, but she didn’t want to hurry me into having to explain it over and over to everyone.”

“Oh yeah,” Chloe said. “How are you going to go with that?”

“Don’t know to be honest,” Beca said. “It might help if you try to tell them to keep their shit calm for a while? Because Bree’s like, really important to me. I don’t want to be overwhelmed.”

“Well, I just want you guys to be happy,” Chloe said. “So whatever you need me to do to help you, I’m in.”

“Thanks,” Beca said. “I should go, though, I have some homework calling my name.” She got up and Aubrey came out into the hall with her.

“Thanks for dinner,” Aubrey said. “Do you want to try to get together for coffee before first class tomorrow?” Beca nodded slowly, and for a moment Aubrey thought something was wrong. But Beca looked up into her eyes and with nothing but total sincerity, she said it.

“I love you.” It was quiet and gentle, but Aubrey could tell that she meant it.

“I love you, too,” she replied, leaning in to kiss her.

“Whoa, what the hell?” came an interruption. They pulled back and saw Stacie was coming up the hall, and that she’d clearly seen them. “What’s this?”

“You go,” Aubrey said. “I’ll handle this.” She planted a soft kiss on her cheek, and Beca escaped down the hallway.

“Chloe here?” Stacie asked. “Also, what the hell?”

“May as well come in,” Aubrey said. “She’s here, and I can explain.” She opened the door for Stacie and followed her in to start explaining all over again.

[soul-music-is-life]

I've seen some of your post on the bullshit heartbeat bill in your state and I'm just wondering how you're dealing.

I have stared at this ask for a while, wondering whether or not I wanted to get in depth into this conversation. But I do have a lot to say on the matter. A while back I drafted a blog post that I toyed with sharing, but ultimately held off. Until now.

There’s…a lot to be covered.

First, thank you for sparking me to put this out there. I feel as though it’s important enough to say what I have to say on this. And though this platform is usually used for fandom stuff (I use other platforms for my political stuff), I’m not afraid to get real now and again.

Second, let me state that I have a background in medicine and a family heavily involved and working in politics…so I know how this goes.

I’m going to pre-empt this by saying that I am not going to argue with anyone who is pro-life who reads and disagrees. If you agree, great. If you disagree, there is no point in trying to fight me…because we will never see eye to eye.

This is strictly an argument based on why I’m against politics and religion in medicine. I am not looking for a debate here. There is no debate to be had. If you can’t look at things without religion, or if you can’t understand scientific/medical facts it’s a moot point.

It’s a long one. Saddle up.

Religion vs. Medicine:

Christianity should have no place in medicine (the bible condemns polyester blends, playing with pigskin, gambling, and divorce, but Christians still shop til they drop, support football, play the lottery, and divorce their spouses). Yet we get lawmakers constantly using the bible as a talking point (”Thank God” and “As God intended”) for this argument and ignoring testimony from physicians with degrees in science.

Men (with the exception of those whose sperm fertilized an egg in a consensual act) should have no say in what happens inside of a uterus that does not belong to them (and even then, it should be a discussion between those two people and their doctor, not a government made up of religious zealot white women and white-boys without uteri).

The government should not infringe upon individual rights of medical privacy via HIPAA.

Basically:

If you can not argue without the basis of religion (or you keep using “God” or The Bible as your baseline) or if you are not someone who has a uterus or in the medical profession or a woke dude/lady, you have no fucking say.

If you are a Christian forcing your beliefs upon the population based upon a magical book that has absolutely no proof, you have no fucking say. (see Separation of Church and State).

If you are a politician forcing your agenda upon every person with a uterus based upon something you can absolutely never experience, you have no fucking say.

If you do not have a background in science and you’re basing your opinions upon a movie (”Unplanned”) that is nothing more than political propaganda (and a pro-life “advocate” who saw dollar signs and a means to fame) then you have no fucking say (and yes, I’ve seen the film, which was nothing more than a religious backed, over-dramatized flick poorly representing abortions and relied heavily upon cheap emotional manipulation and inaccurate CGI). As someone who has seen medical procedures…it was exaggerated in the film. It is absolutely not a representation of safe and legal abortions. It also does not address the confidentiality between patient/doctor (See HIPAA and the testimony of physicians in this matter).

The fact of the matter is that people who are informed, intelligent, and know about the subject in depth are against these abortion bans, because they know it’s extreme and infringes upon basic rights. This includes women, our allies, and in some cases…people who are religiouswho stand with the pro-choice movement (I see you all, too, don’t doubt that…this is not a reflection upon men and Christians in general. This is about the extremists).

If you fall into the extreme religious or non-medical community category or you are a politician with no medical training and you’re writing bills and arguing against basic human rights…you can shut the fuck up.

***

For the sake of facts, let’s break it down:

-Sexual education can be informative, and the preventatives used to prevent pregnancy can fail. Condoms break. The pill can fail (and let’s not even get into the horrible side effects that contraceptives have on women. Let’s talk about the fact that there was actually a birth control for men that companies tried to put on the market, but the side effects were too ‘dangerous’. Sure, like high blood pressure and hormonal imbalances are something women look forward to). But yeah, let’s put all the responsibility on the woman.

-Women are raped, and given the trauma that occurs…they should not have to PROVE they were raped in order to receive medical treatment…including abortion. It’s horrific enough as it is, and there is NO wrong way to deal with the trauma. They shouldn’t have an additional stigma to be treated medically.

-Women who tend to make the choice to have an abortion have looked at their options and have made an informed CHOICE (that’s what this is about). And it’s not always at the 6-8 week mark, because hey…there are things such as irregular periods. Cis-men hating on women, let’s talk about women’s reproduction for a minute. Have you ever spent 7 days bleeding out of an orifice of your body? Have you ever shed the lining of an internal organ? Have you ever had blood clots inside of your body that feel like fucking death? Have you ever had your panties soaked in blood? Have you ever gotten stressed and missed a period or had medical issues that caused you to have irregular cycles? No? Okay, so how about the stressors of pregnancy? How about the changes a woman’s body goes through? How about the emotional and physical toll it takes? Truth is, hetero-normal men who are so deep-set in their beliefs will NEVER view women as equal. Reality is…we women areintelligent enough to make our own decisions.

-An embryo at 6-8 weeks is not viable. The so called “heartbeat” is an electrical activity in a group of cells that is at maximum a few inches long. There is no heartbeat, because there IS no heart. It hasn’t formed. There is not a cardiovascular system. It’s a vibration in a cell. It is ONLY active because of the woman. At this point it is NOT a child. I see pro-life/pro-birth people going, “but…but SCIENCE…Life at conception!” without understanding the depth of their actual words. The medical community knows their shit. And people can challenge them all they want with their opinions upon when life is sentient, but the truth is that there is no brain activity this early because IT IS NOT A HUMAN. It is an embryo, which can not exist without the mother’s body. Yet politicians use the term “heartbeat” because they know there are uneducated people out there who will eat it up and back them.

-Abortion is situational, and trying to force a law upon women based upon the preconceived notion that ALL women are using it as a form of birth control is ignorant, ill-informed, and extremely sanctimonious. There are numerous reasons for abortion, and none of them are the government’s fucking business.

Why religion and politics is a slippery slope in medicine:

Using a religious bias in a political war is against everything in the judiciary and legislative branch, and it is a slippery slope that is dangerous to patient care. When we start listening to “Gods” and evangelical people over actual physicians there is a huge problem. Ask yourself this question: if you were dying and a surgery could save your life…would you call a priest to perform the procedure? Or a licensed physician? If you choose a priest, enjoy seeing your version of the afterlife, because you’re going to die.

Abby Johnson (”Unplanned) is not a doctor. She is someone who “found God” and is using that to exploit the situation with her own views as a claim to fame. She ran a Planned Parenthood (in her own words). ONE chapter, which means it’s a FRACTION of the actual unit. She does not have a PHD. Her accusations against physicians are bullshit and is frankly an insult to actual doctors who perform safe medical procedures every day.

Politicians have no knowledge of medical protocols and treatments (and in a lot of cases know an embarrassingly low amount about women’s reproductive organs). And in many cases it is old white men (and religious white women) dictating what a woman can do with her body. If you think that’s okay, you’re part of the problem.

Religious zealots hold fast to beliefs written in a fairytale rather than learn the scientific facts associated with the base of their argument. They can’t grasp the concept that an organism can be created in a petrie dish with a “beating heart”, because of muscle contractions, not because it’s “alive” or “sentient”. They would rather blindly follow a God that may or may not exist rather than listen to educated physicians who know the topic.

Rapid fire question: if an unconscious woman and a frozen embryo were in a burning building and you could only save one of them, which one would you choose? Something that is not aware and is only a potential for life? Or the actual living breathing human?

This shit is not about “saving babies”. Politicians couldn’t give a shit about babies after they are born. It’s about controlling women/trans-folk and telling people what they can do with their body (it’s funny how Republican politicans haven’t outlawed smoking or drinking, because hey…that kills you! “AnD wE aRE PRo-LiFE!”).

Anyone who can’t see that all these abortion laws are just plays for politicians to pursue their own political pursuits is an idiot.

A Note about Georgia’s Abortion Law/Kemp

In my state, there was talks that Kemp was overheard saying that even if he wanted to veto the bill he couldn’t due to “his campaign promises”. Which is absolute bullshit, because given the polls…he knew that a majority of the people in his state are against it. This bill was co-sponsored by three men and three women who are basing it heavily upon religious purposes (if you don’t believe me, look up Ed Setzler, he’s been quoted several times leaning on religious propaganda for this bill). It was then voted through by a bunch of old white men.

Convenient how they threw the one token woman up front (but honestly, fuck her…because she should know better). The fact of the matter is that those who voted on this are a bunch of “good ole boys” with religious principles trying to bypass the fact that there is a separation of church and state. This bill has had numerous polls conducted to the constituents, and while they were divided…the PRO-CHOICE voice won every single poll. Put this up for a vote and I guarantee this would not become a law.

Kemp waited weeks to sign this (unlike the governor of Alabama).

Why?

Because he knew that most of his constituents were against this (given the polls that were conducted), but due to political pressure he couldn’t veto for fear that he’d lose the religious/deeply rooted republican votes. Even Kemp seemed to realize that this is against the moral rights of his citizens. But he doesn’t give a shit. Because as long as his pockets are lined with money and he can ignore his constituents, it’s all gravy for him.

To take this a step further, this asshole is the man who pointed a gun at a kid jokingly in an age where school shootings are rampant, as a joke…for political purposes. Cuz, ya know…violence is funny.

He’s “pro-life” but he shoots things.

This man is sponsored by the National Hunting and Fishing association, who supports killing living breathing things with a heartbeat for sport or “because it tastes good”.

I challenge anyone who is so “pro-heartbeat” to never shoot their guns again to kill something. Because hey, life is so precious to you, right? You value heartbeats so effing much, stop killing living breathing things. Nut up or shut up.

Actually, no, don’t nut up. That’s the reason for unplanned pregnancies in the first place. Just shut up.

…that will never happen. And you want to know why?

Because this is not about life. They don’t give a shit about “life”. This is about power. This is about control.

If you can’t see that an entire gender is being used for political gain then you need to wake the fuck up.

I’ll end this by saying that, yes, there might be some common ground that can be found here. In the people out there fighting every day for their rights. In the allies we have coming out of the woodworks. In the physicians who fought like hell for us in court.

I’m not an unreasonable person. I do believe in sensible laws. These bans are not sensible. They’re a power play. And that’s fucked up. And as much as I’d love to pack up and leave, I don’t have that option. A lot of people don’t (and in fact, I think the “Boycott GA” movement is so fucking stupid, because that doesn’t hurt the people in power. It hurts the PEOPLE).

So if you’re pissed off, remember this at the polls. Know who your reps are. And if they are for this bullshit, vote their asses out.

Flip their fucking seats.

I’m tired, you guys. Let’s get our rights back. Let’s take our state back.

[solivar]

Time

The piece I wrote for Blackwatch Classified, @blackwatchzine.

In which Gabriel Reyes is stuck firmly in the “bargaining” stage and if I’d known about Moira O’Deorain she’d totally have been here – and very clever with the Irish Gaelic there, Blizzard.

Extracting intelligence assets was never a thing that could be described as fun – mostly because, by the time extraction became a necessity, the surrounding situation had devolved to such an extent that managing it was as much a matter of luck as planning. And, as a general rule, Gabriel Reyes despised relying on luck.

The present extraction operation was even less enjoyable than usual, primarily because they weren’t removing their asset alone. No, they were pulling their agent and her husband and her two children, one of whom was a surly teenager. Which was why Shimada was handling the actual on-the-ground removal process: the whole cyborg ninja thing was, in the estimation of the Agent-In-Command, just awesome enough to help pre-empt any difficulties. Gabe had to admit that the AIC appeared to have a point and things had gone smoothly for Shimada, his two fire teams worth of backup, and the asset-and-family. They were making brisk progress through the smuggler tunnels used to bring contraband into the city. It made being relegated to observer status at the extraction point just slightly more tolerable.

“Approaching the inner perimeter barriers.” Shimada’s voice in his ear, using subvocal communication protocol to avoid pickup by any parabolic listening devices.

“I gotcha,” the AIC drawled from a few feet away. “Deploying countermeasures in 3…2…1…” The holoscreens displaying the output of the perimeter security monitors split, feeding the false information that opened the way for the extraction team. “You got ten minutes.”

A low chuckle. “I will only need…” What he needed slid away in a sleet storm of audio distortion, loud enough that Gabe hissed and pulled the communicator out of his ear.

Jesse, in the command pod, did not react at all. Tiny explosions of darkness went off in front of his eyes, the sonic distortion increased in pitch and volume, and it felt as though someone had picked up the extraction vehicle and tilted it sharply on its side. Or, at least, it looked that way from his perspective on the floor. The last thing he saw, before the little explosions of darkness turned into an unrelieved field of the same, was Jesse turning in the command chair and the look on his face.

“So what you’re saying,” Gabriel said, twenty hours later, from a bed in Watchpoint Geneva’s medical center, “is that I, who haven’t had a goddamned sniffle in twenty years, had a seizure.”

“I could show you the biotelemetry if you insist but, yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying.” Dr. Monika Lucchesi, the head of Neurology, said. “To be specific a generalized tonic seizure with a notable sensory component. Has this ever happened before?”

Gabriel gave her the look he usually reserved for people who ought to know better asking unutterably stupid questions. “No.”

“Any family history of epilepsy?”

“No.”

“Any recent blows to the head?”

“Other than the one I just enjoyed when I hit the floor? No.”

The good doctor checked off items on her workpad. “There are a number of possible neurological causes but in order to determine specifics I recommend a full diagnostic health survey.” She smiled beatifically. “Also, there’s someone here to see you. I’ll let you two talk while I get things in motion.”

“I didn’t agree to that!” He snapped at her retreating back as she opened the door and slipped smoothly to one side to allow his visitor entry.

“All things bein��� equal, boss, I’m not sure that she cares.” Jesse smiled crookedly from the door. “Can’t say I blame her.”

“Lord save me from the both of you, then.” Gabriel rolled his eyes heavenward. “Report.”

“Exfiltration and extraction of all assets and asset-adjacent individuals was completed within the specified optimal timeframe. Liftoff occurred at 03:35 hours local time and transit was completed within six hours. The asset and asset-adjacent individuals have since been handed off to Out-processing for assignment to their new identities.” The corner of Jesse’s mouth twitched and he handed over the workpad containing all the relevant reports. “Commander Gabriel Reyes was remanded to the care of Medical upon touchdown and continues his tradition of being a total pain in the ass to all healthcare providers.”

“Wiseass.” Gabriel growled, but on cursory examination all the paperwork seemed to be in order, and just looking at it was making him more tired than he should be. “How’s Genji?”

“Doin’ okay. He didn’t have to stab anybody and I think he actually got along with the teenager, so that was a plus.” Jesse settled into the chair at his bedside. “You?”

“For the record, this was not actually part of the plan.” Gabriel hid the tablet under the sheets. “If I were going to throw something unexpected at you for your first AIC of asset exfiltration, stupid neurological tricks wouldn’t even be on the list of possible options.”

“And that ain’t an answer.” Jesse planted his chin on a fist and eyed him narrowly.

“Headachy. Tired.” Both were true, and he let his head fall back into the pillows. “Stuck here for the foreseeable future unless I pull rank and discharge myself.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t do that.” Jesse rose. “You look like crap, I don’t mind sayin’ that you scared the crap outta me, and you probably oughta get some rest. More than you’ve been gettin’, at least.”

“I’ll take that under advisement.” But Jesse admitting to fear out loud gave him pause, and so he stayed in Medical for the duration of the health survey. And for a few days more when Lucchesi insisted on looping in Ziegler, and Ziegler insisted on running her own battery of diagnostics.

“A brain tumor? Are you fucking kidding me?”

As it turned out, she was not.

The Department of Defense did, eventually, send Dr. Lucchesi his personal medical documentation from the archives of the Soldier Enhancement Program, all but three paragraphs of it redacted. He could have told her the odds of getting any useful information out of them were slim to none but he hadn’t wanted to rob her of hope.

He quietly removed himself from field work. Pragmatically, the odds of being able to continue while receiving treatment were nonexistent. The location made it conventionally inoperable, and the extent of the secondary metastases through his nervous system left chemo as the applicable therapy. The same enhanced healing processes that had masked the symptoms long enough for it to turn into a Stage IV malignancy might not allow even that, given the speed with which is body metabolized every other drug in the world. Not for the first time, he wondered if the SEP had included a use by date on everyone that had endured it, given the extent to which its biological improvements were now helping to kill him.

Preventing Jesse from finding out was a weapons-grade pain in the ass. He had noticed the change in the active field roster – impossible not to – but initially held discretion as the better part of valor. Three months on, that was no longer true. Gabriel could and did fend off his delicate little nibbles around the edges but keeping him out of the Medical intranet had required Athena’s personal intervention to thwart him and his ICE-cutting methods. It made developing plans for the inevitable power devolution within the ranks of Blackwatch a thousand times harder. Under ideal circumstances, he would have spent another year or two easing Jesse into the idea that command responsibility was something he could handle and then another five solidifying that realization into the bedrock of his psyche and then he would have handed off the role, secure in the knowledge that his hand-chosen, hand-trained successor was ready.

Time was no longer a luxury he could afford. It wasn’t only his body failing at the worst conceivable moment. It was the entire world and the organization he’d devoted his life to building coming apart at the seams, more or less simultaneously. At that moment, sitting in his office, waiting for the newest report from medical to arrive, a handful of news streams open in one screen, the latest bullshit from New York on another, and his own structured plan for Blackwatch to outlive him on yet a third, he was forced to wonder if survival was even an option.

His system’s incoming message tone sounded. He was not particularly surprised by its content: no noticeable change in the size of the primary or secondary cancerous lesions. His body was eating the goddamned chemo before it could do its job. Nanobiotic medicine had a second-line treatment but it was highly experimental, not yet approved for human clinical trials, and possibly contraindicated thanks to his altered biology.

Ziegler thought it was worth a shot, if an experimental protocol could be approved. If he approved and was willing to take the risk.

A little more time was all he needed.

[the-digimon-tamer]

Chapter 28 - Lakeside Rumble is out now on FanFiction.Net and ArchiveOfOurOwn! Check them out with the links or find it after the break!

Title: The Tamer v2.0 - In HIs Name

Fandom: Digimon

Rating: T

Synopsis: In the next adventure of the Digimon Tamer, the lives of Juri, Rika, and Henry change forever when digimon begin crossing over into the human world. But it’s all just a story, right? Just a book series by an author no one has seen in a long time. Why are they here and can they save their world before something worse follows the digimon?

Ken Ichijouji stared at the numerous computers lining the walls of the massive office space they were given. Although he had all this raw processing power available at his disposal, he couldn’t help but feel powerless when it came to figuring out how to get back into the Digital World. It should have been easy with their newer digivices - just point it at the screen and open a Digiport. But if it had been so simple, they would have just gone to the Digital World already and found their partners. And even if he could have gone, that wasn’t a guarantee that they could save the kids who’d just gone missing. 

While these computers were a far cry from anything Ancient technology could produce, they were still generations ahead of his home computer; or anything he and his wife could build at home. And that brought to mind the laptop of their missing comrade - Takeru Takaishi, who just mysteriously vanished into thin air one day along with all their partners. 

“Is there something bothering you, Ichijouji?” Yamaki asked from the side. Ken avoided making eye contact, not wanting to give away what he was thinking or appear nervous around them, “Just thinking.”

“Admiring our super computer? It’s code name is Yggdrasil,” Yamaki folded its arms, “It’s far ahead of its time, even back when it was first made. If we hadn’t allocated it for government purposes, this baby could’ve cracked the human genome or probably have found a cure for cancer.”

“Wait! That’s Yggdrasil! My baby!”the ‘Monster Maker’ called Daisy cried out, rushing towards the massive machine to hug it, “I spent every weekend I had trying to make this baby work! Look at how big its gotten! How many gigaflops can she do now?”

“Try Teraflops, pushing on Petaflops,” Yamaki answered quietly. Ken had to restrain a whistle. That was no minor accomplishment. That level of technology was pushing the boundaries of what was possible and had him wondering what kind of scope this program was working under. As he wondered how much brain power went into making such a monster of a computer, the woman named Daisy knocked on it proudly to boast, “This was the original piece of hardware we ran our simulation on - the one that would become the digimon. Designed it by having three hundred processors running in parallel and modifying the operating system to take full advantage of it! I call it Yggy for short!” 

Yamaki pulled her away from the massive machine, “For security purposes, we confiscated the machine. It was too dangerous to leave out for anyone to get their hands on. But no one could’ve ever dreamed what the hardware could be capable of. It practically ran the Juggernaut program. It was almost like it was supposed to be.”

Ken had heard those words before and they still invited very angering memories from a time before now. Back when destiny was the only thing that mattered to him. Back when all he cared about was taking it into his own hands and denying whatever it had in store before he chose to live in blissful ignorance. 

Destiny...

Destiny...

It couldn’t have been that simple. And if it was, he was going to be very mad, “Matt. Where’s your brother’s laptop?”

The man jumped at the sound of his name, “Still in my car, why?”

“We’re going to need it. I think I just figured out TK’s password.”

...

Rika followed just behind Ryo and Cyberdramon, her partner falling further behind because of Kazu and Kenta becoming more worn out as they traveled further. It bothered her that they had come along at all and she found herself pondering why Takato was okay with them coming at all. So far, they’d been nothing but a drag on the team. Then she remembered the parts from the book - how The Digimon Tamer was a master manipulator who would always ensure you accomplished your destiny. She wondered if they were here to find partners, or to become bait for whatever danger they would encounter next. 

Whichever the case, she just figured she would have to protect them for now. If their destiny was to die, she would make sure to give Takato another headache. She was not here to babysit and she wasn’t here to watch anyone die. Thankfully, Ryo’s guidance had kept them alive and well. They managed to avoid any serious fights using tricks he’d learned to sneak around some digimon. But there were many that were unavoidable because of his partner. Cyberdramon would occasionally indulge his violent anger and attack the large or strong digimon, which dragged them into the fight as things escalated until they were ragged.

But after days of walking and only a few life endangering battles behind them, they eventually came across a river passing through the forest. Ryo took out his map and checked it against his digivice, “Okay. Your friend Andromon should be around here somewhere.”

“Are you sure?” Kenta looked around them carefully, “I don’t see him.”

“Well he’s here, somewhere. I marked the spot on my map,” Ryo said, quietly double checking his map and gesturing at the stream, “If I had to take a guess, the current probably moved him further down.  I bet we’ll find him if we follow the river.”

Cyberdramon roared into the sky before running down the path of the stream, growling angrily at something in the distance. He only stopped when Ryo used his digivice to summon a rope of light to restrain his partner down to his knees, “DOWN! STOP CYBERDRAMON! BAD! NO FIGHTING FOR YOU!”

“What’s his deal?” Kazu asked, gesturing to the chaotic digimon as he continued trying to thrash and growl at something further ahead. Ryo yanked back on his digivice, still trying to pull Cyberdramon back and grunting out, “He probably sensed a strong digimon nearby and wants to fight! DOWN! I SAID DOWN! It could be your friend! STOP!”

After a moment, Renamon leapt onto Cyberdramon’s back and struck him across the head to silence him. She raised up another hand, “Quiet! I hear something.”

Rika closed her eyes and tried to focus on her environment but heard nothing, “I don’t hear anything. What is it?”

“It’s...Andromon,” she leapt off Cyberdramon and took off at a sprint. Her dash inspired Cyberdramon to give one good pull that resulted in Ryo falling flat on the ground and getting dragged along. They gave chase after the two running digimon, just barely able to keep them in sight until they reached their destination and found the limp form of Andromon caught against a log that was half stuck in the water. The mechanical digimon twitched and fidgeted, monotonously spouting out nonsense, “Error! Error! System Int...Damaged! Compartment Hous...Com...mised! Att…empt re…pair! Error! File Not Found! Err...or!”

“Whoa, what happened to him?” Kazu called out, “Gimme a hand!”

He grabbed the log, pulling as hard as he could to get it to shore. Even though it barely moved, he refused to give up, “It’s no good. This thing weighs a ton!”

“One side,” Renamon pushed the boy aside, “Rika?”

“On it,” Rika was already ahead of her, shuffling through her deck for the right, “DigiModify! Strength Boost, Activate!”

With one arm, Renamon pulled the log up onto the river bank - bringing Andromon to shore with it. Andromon rolled onto the dirt with a metal clang, still twitching violently with every noise and spark. Kazu ran to his side to inspect the poor ultimate until he was pulled back by Kenta, “Watch it, Kazu! He’s sparking see! You could electrocute yourself!”

“Not what I’m worried about, Kenta,” Kazu barked, inspecting the digimon carefully. Rika rolled her eyes, unsure of what he thought he was going to find. The guy obviously didn’t know anything about computers. What did he think he was going to accomplish by pretending to know anything about fixing an advanced android digimon? But even she was surprised when he thought to open up the panel inside Andromon’s arm to pull out the digivice, “What are you doing!?”

“Takato spent a lot of time trying to fix this up, right!? I bet we can use it to fix him! He’s always going on about how much better the old digivice is compared to the new one. I bet you it can do that!” Kazu turned the beaten and worn device in his hand wearily, unsure of what he was actually doing. He pressed a few buttons in an attempt to get some sort of reaction from the device but never expected it to start glowing the way it did. Through the bright light, they watched the device morph in his hand into another digivice like Rika’s or Ryo’s. She felt her mouth drop open in disbelief. There was no way Kazu was a tamer like they were. Kenta maybe - he was admittedly smart. But Kazu? The guy took the longest to figure out his teacher was Kari Kamiya! But the hits kept coming.

The same light that morphed the digivice, also drew light from Andromon until the digimon regressed to his champion form of a Guardromon. That seemed to calm Cyberdramon down some as he was no longer growling or gnashing his teeth at them. Guardomon’s eyes shot open once the transformation was finished and he looked around in a daze, “Where am I?”

“Welcome back to the land of the living, man! You were almost fried in the water. But don’t worry! We pulled you out in time,” Kazu explained, gesturing to the river behind him. Guardromon’s eyes followed the path back to the river before widening in surprise, “I see. Thank you for...what’s wrong with my voice? And why are my processes so much slower? Also, my sensors indicate a loss in mobility and speed. Visual sensors also suggest loss in height. Recalibration will be necessary to...this is so very wrong.”

“It’s because your Guardromon again!” Kazu said excitedly, holding up his new digivice gleefully, “And check this out! We’re partners! Just like Takato and Guilmon or Ryo and Cyberdramon! You and I, we’re going to be the best in the entire Digital World!”

“Keep dreaming, Kazu,” Kenta frowned, gesturing at Ryo and then to Rika, “Because those two are the Digimon King and Queen! They’re literally light years ahead of you. You’ve got a long way to go before you catch up to them.”

Rika noticed Ryo turning his head away, likely flustered at the compliment. Rika didn’t mind being referred to as the Queen of Digimon but wondered why he had to emphasize Ryo was the King. It’s not like any of that stuff actually mattered. 

“I’m still way ahead of you,” Kazu stuck his tongue, only to be served a slice of humble pie when Kenta responded, “That’s really not as impressive as it sounds. I know I suck at the game.”

“If you’re both done, we really should get going,” Renamon interrupted, separating the two boys before they could continue their argument and adding, “We still have to find the rest of our friends and your continued bickering isn’t going to help anything.”

“Right! Sorry, just got a little excited,” Kazu said half-heartedly, still gazing at his digivice and his new partner excitedly, “I can’t believe it! I’m a digidestined! I got a digivice and everything!”

“Lucky you,” Kenta kicked the dirt quietly, joining Ryo as he unfurled his map, “Well, good news for us is this stream will lead us right to the lake where the others were heading. It should only be a short walk away.”

“Then let’s get started! We’re burning day light!” Rika declared, tired of following behind Ryo and taking the lead with Renamon. It also saved her the trouble of having to listen to Kazu drone on about how awesome it was to have a real digimon partner. He wasn’t wrong, it was awesome to have a partner. He just really aggravated her when he wouldn’t stop talking. 

They walked for about another hour, with Kazu providing Guardromon with his version of events after they were pulled into the pillar of light. Of course it was a while before Guardromon finally noticed Ryo and Cyberdramon in front of him, “Query, Kazu. Who are these two?”

“Oh? These guys? He’s the legend in our world, the greatest digimon card game player ever! Ryo Akiyama and that’s his partner Cyberdramon!”

Guardromon turned his head, “He’s from your world? However, he wears the combat armor of a Council Guard.”

Ryo raised up his armored glove and said, “This thing? I just stole it from the castle. I needed to wear something after my clothes started falling apart. They weren’t exactly made for hanging out in another world for years.”

“I see. It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Ryo and Cyberdramon,” Andromon greeted the pair. Cyberdramon answered with a low guttural growl before, barely nodding his head as he started getting antsy. It wasn’t long before he started growling again but he was more restrained this time. To be safe, Ryo used his digivice to restrain the unruly creature in case he did try to run off. They went some distance ahead before finally exiting the forest to find a large crystal blue lake awaiting them. 

In a place as insanely violent and horrific as the Digital World, it was nothing short of strange to see such a beautiful place. Ryo examined his map again, fumbling to hold it as he tried to keep Cyberdramon on his restraints, “If my map is right, this is it. This is the lake where your friends were heading.”

“But I don’t see them,” Kenta said, turning his head up and down the lake shore in search of any sign of the others. Rika was sure there was some kind of mistake - as beautiful as this place was, there was no sign of the others anywhere. Maybe Ryo had the wrong lake? Or the others had already come and gone? Anything was possible! It’d taken them days to get here. Maybe they were already long gone! 

She sighed and took a seat, “I need a break. I’m tired of all this walking!”

“We all need a break,” Renamon joined her, “Maybe we should eat first and then decide on what to do afterwards. I notice that some of you get cranky when you haven’t eaten.”

Rika tried to ignore the look Renamon was giving her, and stifled a laugh when Kazu whole heartedly agreed. They broke out more of the bread and juice they’d been given by Babamon and settled into eat by the lake side, enjoying a rare moment of peace and serenity in the wild Digital World. And it lasted for all of about ten minutes before a light appeared from the sky. The light hovered just above them all in the lake for a few moments before rapidly descending downwards. It hit the water with a splash, glowing through the water surface until it disappeared into the darkness. Renamon stood up, staring in disbelief, “Was that Calumon? In a cage?”

“Wait, Calumon?” Kazu scrambled up first, grabbing his digivice, “Where?’

“In the light,” Renamon answered, “I swear, it had to be him.”

“He’s in the lake! We gotta go get him!” Kazu was about to jump into the water when Ryo grabbed him by his collar and pulled him back, “Hold it. We don’t know how deep that lake is or if we can get to him in time! We don’t even know if that was the digimon you’re looking for! We need to think this through!”

“Okay Ryo! I’ll follow your lead! What’s the plan?” Kazu said excitedly, clearly ready to go go along with whatever plan Ryo had. It made Rika sigh in exasperation, wishing that kid would be as level headed as he was excitable. 

...

Henry awoke bright and early the next day to find Juri already sitting at the table, sipping at a cup of hot tea quietly. She appeared to have not slept a wink that night with small circles beginning to form under her reddened eyes. Henry took a seat beside her and asked, “Morning Juri. What’s wrong?”

She didn’t answer, quietly staring into her tea. He could hear shuffling from somewhere around the house and followed the noise to see Takato busy in the kitchen preparing some food. It was odd to see him working so calmly in the kitchen, then realized he didn’t know much about him beyond the fact that his parents worked in the bakery. Perhaps working in a kitchen was second nature to him? Guilmon was in there beside him, helping him prepare a great big helping of eggs and bacon in between eating them for himself. 

Then he remembered. This wasn’t the real Takato. This was some ancient being with his face. Perhaps The Digimon Tamer was a really good cook?

Shibumi let out a loud snore, alarming Henry and making him realize the man was lying face down on the table with a blanket wrapped around him. He tried to crack a joke to lighten Juri’s mood, “He can sleep through anything, huh? We’d probably get attacked and no one would notice.”

Nothing. Again, she continued to stare down at the tea cup silently. He wondered if she’d fallen asleep with her eyes open and tapped her on the shoulder, snapping her out of her stupor so that she looked up at him. He smiled, “Morning. You alright? You were spacing out.”

“It’s,” she paused, her gaze shifting downward and her words failing her as she tried to think of what to say. The long silence made him uneasy, and he wondered what exactly was bothering her so much. It seemed he’d have to wait a little longer as the bedroom door slid open for the first of the digimon to come out. Gabumon, leading the way for Gomamon, Palmon, Biyomon, and Gatomon, “What smells so good?”

“Takatomon is cooking!” Guilmon said happily, coming out with two large platters: one full of fried eggs and the other with cooked slices of ham. Takato came out just behind him with a big pot of rice and another plate full of toasted bread. After placing the food on the table, they retrieved some plates and forks for the others to use. Takato passed the plates around and said, “Eat your fill guys because we’ve got a long trip of ahead of us.”

“Where are we going? And why are you making all this food for us?” Biyomon asked as she began to eat some of the eggs. Henry looked away from it, unsure if it counted as cannibalism or not for a bird to be eating eggs.

“We’ve got a long walk to make to get where we’re going. Well, not you guys. We do,” Takato answered quickly, “There’s a lot of ground to cover to the Hallowed Bastion. We need to find the others and I’ll need the computers there to do it. What’s left of them anyway.”

As he spoke, Henry noticed that Juri was staring at him quietly. Once he was done, she opened her mouth to talk but didn't make a sound. From out of nowhere, she retrieved her yellow sock puppet and slipped it over her hand. She used it to ask whatever she couldn’t, “Shouldn't we tell the others about last night?”

Takato waved her off dismissively, “What happened last night was just a reminder of a bad day. They don't need to worry about something that happened forever ago.”

Even Henry could tell that was a bold faced lie, “What happened last night?” 

“Nothing,” was all Takato answered, making a show of making a plate of food for him and slamming it in front of him, “Eat up.”

Henry took the plate quietly, amused that his poor attempt at dodging the subject was a no sell to the other digimon. Even the normally calm Gabumon looked up from his meal to say, “We all know that’s just fancy words for you to avoid telling us things. You’re name’s Juri, right? If he’s not going to tell us, will you? It’s the only way were going to find out what you two are talking about.”

Juri averted her eyes, holding up the sock puppet again to quietly answer, “He’s...not the real Takato. We were hoping to find the real Takato while we were in the Digital World. And we did. Sort of. It was an old photo. It confirmed what we were worried about: the real Takato is...not around any more.”

Henry blinked at the news, suddenly losing any appetite he had. Takato - the real Takato - was dead. Was it something in the Digital World that did him in? It was possible; he was gone for a whole year. It was just a lot to take in. He was dead. Takato Matsuda was dead, and his life was being lived by another guy wearing his face. 

“Knowing Tamer, that is literally the least surprising thing you could’ve told us. I was half expecting you to say the world was going to end again,” Gatomon rolled her eyes, “Or that destiny said we were all going to die.”

The digimon took that news surprisingly nonchalantly, as if they’d heard worse and weren’t too alarmed by the revelation. Takato’s reaction to this revelation was hardest to read, mostly because he didn't react. And that would've made it worse if he didn't add, “There was nothing any of us could’ve done. It was in the past.”

“But you were there, weren’t you?” Juri asked with her sock puppet. Henry held up his hand to get their attention, confused by that statement, “Hang on a minute. How was he there?”

Juri looked at Takato expectantly and he paused for a moment before retrieving a photo from his pocket, sliding it across the table for Henry to see. The photo felt old and faded but he could clearly see its contents. Upon examination, Henry saw several children dressed in armor and digimon standing beside them, all in orderly lines. But the most remarkable thing about the photo was Takato among those child soldiers, dressed in their armor and smiling at the camera. Tamer-Takato’s answer didn't help things, “That photo is over a hundred thousand years old. The real Takato isn’t around any more.”

“But I don’t get it. If this is photo is that old, how are you...he...how is the real Takato on it?” Henry asked.

...

After listening to Kazu and Kenta talk digimon non stop for several hours, Rika got up to take a walk around the edge of the lake. Renamon offered to come with but Rika insisted she’d be fine. In truth, she just wanted some time to get her head straight. She was furious, not at Kazu and Kenta for singing Ryo’s praises at his skill in the digimon card game, but at the fact that this is where he’d been for all this time. And at herself for not really knowing how to talk to him about it. He was, after all, her friend. At least, that was how she felt. 

She walked until she came upon an especially rocky part of the beach, where she stopped to skip stones along the water’s edge. She probably should’ve remembered to pack her CD player and some music - something to help her calm down and get her mind off things. As she watched the stones skip across the water’s surface, she noticed Ryo breaking away from the rest of the group to join her. It wasn’t long before he was standing beside her, hands in his pockets awkwardly as he began, “Hey.”

“Hi,” she answered back sheepishly, tossing the next stone across the water’s edge and getting three skips out of it, “What did you want?”

He rubbed his neck awkwardly, “I just wanted to talk.”

She waited for him to say something but he just continued to stand there awkwardly. And she was starting to get embarrassed by it, casting another stone into the water as she stated, “Are you going to spit it out or just stand there staring?”

“Um...sorry,” he frowned, smiling sheepishly as he added, “Between the two us, I kinda forgot how to do small talk. This world does stuff to you the longer you’re stuck here. The rules are just...so different.”

She recalled the parts from the book she’d read and realized Ryo might’ve ended up like another Tamer if he had been trapped here any longer. Just like Kari Kamiya’s brother. If he even was her brother. The more she thought on it, the more it made her head hurt - he hadn’t been wrong so far but she still didn’t let herself forget that they couldn’t trust him. Ryo almost became that. Then again, she’d only been here for a few days and she was already starting to go crazy from the insanity of this place. She cast another stone into the water and remarked, “It feels like the Digital World does that. How’d you do it? Survive for so long, I mean. Most people would’ve gone crazy after twenty years of this. Why not you?”

Ryo picked up a stone and threw it hard into the lake, watching it make one splash before sinking, “I did it by reminding myself that I was going to find my way home. No matter what, I was going to get home. That one day this nightmare would be all over and I was going to see my parents, my friends...you...”

He said that just as she skipped another stone, and the surprise of that made the stone splash straight into the water. She noticed Ryo had turned his head to hide the fact that his face was now bright red. And she could feel her heart beat faster in her chest. Did he...like her? Ew! Gross. Why did he have to make it weird. He was a friend, and she missed being able to talk to him. Why did he have to make it something mushy?

Ryo rubbed the back of his neck, “Sorry...it was just...different to find someone who could keep up with me in the card game. Most people go down in the first few rounds but you kept up with me. You even had me sweating a few times during the tournament. I was convinced that if anyone was going to beat me, it would be you. I actually wanted to talk to you more but stuff got in the way.”

Oh good, he wasn’t making it weird. Because that was the last thing she needed in this world of madness: a guy she hadn’t seen in a long time confessing that he was into her. Hearing that he missed a friend put a smile of relief on her face and she cast another stone into the water, “Same. It got kinda boring after you vanished.”

She could see him smiling out of the corner of her eye and that put a smile on her face. Before she could even enjoy this moment though, she heard a sound of thunder in the distance. Her eyes moved skyward towards a bright light hurtling towards the lake until it sank beneath its surface. A falling star? A meteorite? Did the Digital World have those? Was this supposed to be common. She looked over to Ryo who was just as dumbfounded by it until another noise caught their attention. A loud roar followed by a flash of lightning as a slender green serpent appeared over the lake, ridden by a familiar monkey hopping on its head, “YOU THINK YOU CAN RUN FROM ME? EMBARRASS ME IN FRONT OF THE SOVEREIGN! COME BACK HERE YOU INSOLENT LITTLE RODENT! DON’T IGNORE ME!”

...

Henry’s mind reeled as he tried to process everything that was happening in front of him. He felt like he’d been hit with a ton of bricks all at once with this information. To make it all worse, there was a loud boom overhead followed by a bright ball of light hurrying into the kitchen. They all leapt back in surprise as the balls of light deposited a little white digimon with big ears on the table. Calumon, happily cheering as he bounced around the food, “Yay! Again! Again!”

“Oh great, more people making themselves at home in my house,” Takato complained loudly. 

“Watch our for the rice!” Armadillomon managed to swipe it out to the way before Calumon could step in it. 

“Calumon?” Henry sputtered out. All the noise stirred the rest of the inhabitants of the house, prompting Leomon, Terriermon, Takeru, and Shibumi to awaken. Shibumi was the only one not freaking out at the sudden intrusion, reaching out a hand to the ball of light, “It’s about time you got back. Good job. Thank you for bringing him here. But I don’t think it’s what I asked for.”

The light cooed and Shibumi laughed, “No kidding. Well that is a surprise.”

“I don’t understand! How did you get here?” Juri asked, “How did he get here?”

“Hi guys! I missed you! It was really lonely without you guys! Those other guys were super mean to me. I didn’t like them. Not one bit,” Calumon explained cheerily as Shibumi offered, “I asked the Digi-gnomes to get him for me. It appeared on my radar not too long ago - a massive power source entering the Digital World. I thought it would be good to acquire it for my research. But I didn’t expect it to be so...well, small and adorable.”

Another boom shook the foundations of the house and Takato slammed his fist on the table, “Again? What’s going now!? I swear, if it’s some more of the neighbors picking a fight.”

...

“Rika!” Renamon called out to her, appearing just behind her. She jumped at her partner’s arrival, “How long were you there? Have you been watching us this whole time?”

“Long enough to know that you two are deeply in denial about your feelings,” Renamon answered, pointing at the giant dragon digimon, “Worry about that later! There’s a dragon deva over there and we need to stop it before it does anything!”

“Y-yeah, r-right,” Rika stammered, producing her digivice and trying to come up with a plan of attack.  That digimon was massive! Bigger than any they’d faced before. And it was a deva? She’d have to think her approach carefully otherwise they’d all be killed. So far, it hadn’t noticed them which gave them an advantage. Just as she came up with an idea of what to do, she heard Cyberdramon roar out ecstatically, “FINALLY! A WORTHY OPPONENT! FACE ME! FIGHT ME!”

The dragon deva turned its head in time to see Cyberdramon flying at him and slamming into him from the side with enough force to punch him back out of the air. The dragon roared back in anger and Makuramon became more furious, “DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE ME YOU WRETCHED, INSIGNIFICANT, WASTE OF DIGI-”

Cyberdramon didn’t give him a chance to respond, climbing over the dragon’s form so that he could personally punch the monkey across the face. At this rate, she wouldn’t need to do anything and Cyberdramon would take care of the monster digimon for them. Ryo didn’t seem to see it that way and was instead panicking, “Oh crap! Cyberdramon needs to be calmed down.”

“Why? I think he’s doing a good job. Let those devas have a taste of their own medicine for once,” Rika answered, folding her arms and watching Cyberdramon go to town. He was now busy using Makuramon as a bat to beat the dragon digimon and throw them around wildly. Ryo wasn’t as happy about it and shouted, “You don’t understand! When he gets like this, he becomes uncontrollable. He loses himself to his own violent bloodlust! He may stop them, sure, but then he’ll turn on us! It doesn’t matter if we’re friend or foe, he’ll just want to kill everything in sight!”

“Oh, that’s bad,” Rika looked at Renamon, trying to size her partner up against Ryo’s. As it stood, she didn’t stand a chance. She could swipe her entire deck and Renamon would still get knocked around silly by that mad digimon. There was no way to win without her partner digivolving. And without Calumon or one of those mystery cards, there was no way this was going to happen. Retreat seemed like the best idea right now. That’s what she thought anyway, when she noticed a head pop out of the water.

The goggle head poking his head out of the water to examine the fight overhead, “What’s all this noise! Why are you guys fighting outside my house!?”

“Goggle-head!” Rika shouted, making the boy turn in surprise, “Oh! Rika! You’re okay! Are those guys with you? Tell them to take it elsewhere!”

She wasn’t sure what she was expecting from the boy who seemed to have nothing sensible going on about him and was just generally untrustworthy. Her mind raced with questions to ask, not the least of which was what were they doing in the lake when a boom above their heads reminded them that there was a fight they needed to be paying attention to. She scowled, “Will you shut up and help us already? Those are the Devas! They are our chance to find Calumon! For once you can talk them to death if you want!”

Takato threw up his hands, “I’m not putting anything to death! But we can talk to them and sort this out. Actually, never mind. That crazy digimon looks like it’s going to delete them in a second anyway. Who is that? He looks familiar. Do I owe him money?”

“That digimon is going to attack us next if we don’t calm him down before he destroys the Devas!” Rika practically snapped at Takato, who turned his head in surprise. Then he noticed Ryo standing beside her. And for whatever reason, that became the focus of his attention, “Sorry, was I interrupting something?”

“Takato!” Rika groaned. He nodded and threw a set of cards her way, offering what must’ve counted to him as an apology, “Right, right. Here! Take these! They’ll help!”

Rika caught it in her hand and her mouth fell open at the sight of another of those mysterious blue cards that’d found its way into her deck. She looked up at Takato in disbelief, “Is this what I think it is?”

“Yeah, it’s good for one use. Swipe it through and Renamon will go straight to her champion level! Get in there while I go get the others!” Takato said, disappearing back beneath the waves before she could get another word in. What did that even mean? Were the others just swimming around down there? Should she even be surprised at this point with how weird the Digital World was. She sighed and nodded to her partner, signaling her to run ahead into battle as she swiped the card, “Digimodify!”

“Renamon! Digivolve to! Kyubimon!”

Kyubimon stopped at the water’s edge, lighting her tails with blue flame and hurling them towards the digimon above, “FOX TAIL INFERNO!”

The large dragon digimon was so busy flailing against Cyberdramon’s rampage that he didn’t notice the attacks until they struck his skin. He howled even louder as Cyberdramon used the opening to kick his mouth closed on his tongue. The dragon hissed in anger while Makuramon grunted, “OH! DO YOU WANT TO GO TOO!? I’VE HAD IT! NO MORE GAMES! YOU DIE FIRST! THEN WHATEVER THIS IS!”

Makuramon leapt off the dragon and dove straight at Kyubimon. Or rather, straight at Rika just behind the fox digimon. Realizing the danger she was in, Kyubimon lowered herself so that Rika and Ryo could climb aboard and took off away from the monkey just in time to see it crash. It created a dust cloud so large that it cast a shadow over the lake obscured the fight between Cyberdramon and the dragon. They could vaguely make out his outline making motions through the smoke and watched two balls of energy shoot out towards them, “PRIMAL ORB!”

Rika acted quickly, swiping her go to card, “Digimodify! Speed Boost Activate!”

Kyubimon took off faster than before but the two balls of energy closed in. Just as they were about to strike, she turned to get out of their way. A clean get away. At least until the balls turned and chased after them. Makuramon cackled, “Silly human! You can’t outrun my Primal Orbs! They’ll pursue you no matter where you go! Only I can dispel them!”

“Is that a fact?” Rika asked, patting her partner, “Kyubimon! Turn and heads towards the monkey!”

“What? Why!?” Kyubimon asked. Rika pointed at the balls of light closing in and said, “These things are just going to follow us wherever, right? So let’s go return the gift.”

“I see. Hang on,” Kyubimon slowed and cornered sharply, kicking off with so much force that she and Ryo had to pull her fur tight to not get thrown off. During that sharp turn, the energy balls just narrowly missed them. But that did nothing to slow their pursuit as they continued coming after them. Makuramon cackled in delight to see them coming his way, “Oh good! Running to face your death! Come and get me then! FACE ME!”

Kyubimon continued running at the monkey who stood there with a great big smile on his face, “That’s right! Face me! Fight me!” 

The smile vanished as she leapt into the air just in front of him, leaping over the monkey’s head and landing just behind him. He turned around and started jumping up and down in anger, “Are you running from me! Get back here dammit! I demand you come back, cowards! Fight me!”

He was so busy screaming that he didn’t notice his balls of energy creeping up on him until one struck his tail and sent a jolt of fiery pain through his body, “AAAAAHHH! Did you just use my own attacks against me!? ME!? I’M THE CLEVER ONE YOU ILL BEHAVED CHILDREN! NOW I’M MAD!”

“You weren’t angry before?” Ryo called back, infuriating the monkey more. 

“Gargo Pellets!”

“Fist of the Beast King!”

A barrage of gun fire erupted out of the water and peppered the monkey in the side, followed by a ball of fire striking him in the face. The blast blew him into a nearby tree with enough force to break it in half, creating a thunderous crack. Gargomon and Leomon charged straight out of the water, followed by Henry and Juri. Kyubimon turned on her heels to rejoin them, “Guys!”

“Friends of yours?” Ryo asked, climbing off her partner and helping her down. Rika nodded, “Something like that. Where were you guys?”

Henry waved it off, “Long story. There’s a house under the lake. Takato said there was trouble, so we brought back up.”

“Back up?” Rika stammered, suddenly watching ten little digimon scurry out of the water behind them: Tentomon, Palmon, Gabumon, Gatomon, Biyomon, Gomamon, Wormmon, Veemon, Hawkmon, and Armadillomon. Even she knew who they were: the partners of the digidestined. And her parents’ partners were just a few feet in front of her. Tentomon and Palmon - both standing side by side and ready to help. But there was one missing. And it took a few seconds for her to know why. A soft light appeared in the water, growing in size until a large splash of water broke the surface and two new digimon emerged. An angel in white and purple regalia, and Guilmon with white wings sprouting from his back. 

“They certainly know how to make an entrance,” a blonde haired man said as he emerged from the water with his hands in his pockets, “So you guys must be the rest of the team? I’m Takeru. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

Takeru. TK was a few feet from her. Takato appeared just behind him, gasping for breath as he said, “Sorry about that...I’m a little out of breath. I need to exercise this body more.”

Makuramon was unimpressed, “Summon all the help you want! It won’t change a thing! We are Devas! We don’t lose to lesser life forms!”

“Haven’t heard that speech before. The Deva part is new,” TK remarked, helping Takato out of the water and gesturing at the monkey, “That him?”

“Yep,” Takato nodded, “That’s the monkey who kidnapped our friend.”

“YOU WILL ADDRESS ME AS LORD MAKURAMON!” the monkey seethed angrily, fuming as he continued jumping up and down. TK raised an eyebrow, “I don’t see a lord, just a child throwing a tantrum.”

“DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM!?”

“Do I look like I care?” he fired back, “Look, maybe this confusion is because you don’t know who we are. I’m TK, a digidestined, and these are my friends’ partners.”

Makuramon’s anger reached a tipping point and if it were possible for anger to go full circle back to calm, then it certainly did. Makuramon raised his hat and bowed, “Its a pleasure to make your acquaintance but I’m afraid I have other duties to attend to so if you would politely stand aside while I deal with these pests.”

“Not going to happen,” TK affirmed. Makuramon bore his teeth and assumed a running stance, “So be it. Die!”

He charged at them, moving faster than he was before. It seemed calming down had made him think more clearly and act more deliberately than when he was mad. The rookie digimon all dove out of his way, leaving Gargomon to take the full force of a hit to the face and get kicked back. Acting purely on instinct, Juri and Henry started swiping cars to give their partner’s an advantage in the fight. TK minded his distance, cheering MagnaAngemon on as he joined the fight against the large dragon digimon.

For all his pride as a warrior, Leomon was unable to keep up with a digimon like Makuramon and was quickly kicked into the lake for his efforts. This left Kyubimon to engage him in a cat and mouse game where she tried to mind her distance until an opening presented itself. All the while, the little digimon complained, “I hate not being able to do anything! I wish our partners were here!”

“We don’t need to digivolve to put up a fight! Follow me! Marching Fishes!” Gomamon cried out, summoning a horde of fish to dive out of the lake and swarm Makuramon. He handily knocked the fish back into the water but it left him open for Kyubimon to attack him from behind. She tackled him straight into the water, prompting Tentomon to attack, “Super shocker!”

The electrical sparks hit the water and electrified the monkey digimon who screamed out in agony as he convulsed. But through sheer force of will, the digimon forced himself to move out of the water which prompted every digimon to combine their ranged attacks to send him back in.

“Spiral Twister!”

“Feather Boomerang!”

“Fist of the Beast King!”

“Silk Thread!”

“Blue Blaster!”

“Gargo Pellets!”

The attacks hit their mark and sent him back into the water to convulse. It was just as well as another blow from above caught their attention. In the sky above, MagnaAngemon used his sword and Cyberdramon used his claws to rend the dragon Deva to shreds - leaving his pieces to fall into the water before dissipating. There was a small pause followed by small cheers from their party as the dragon was gone. 

But that peace didn’t last as Cyberdramon turned on MagnaAngemon and Guilmon. On seeing this, Ryo called out, “Don't hurt him! Lure Cyberdramon back over to me! I can try to get him under control!”

“Not sure he’s up for that idea,” Takato noted as Cyberdramon completely ignored Guilmon’s attempts to lure him down while MagnaAngemon was caught in a mid air duel. Any time the angel tried descending, Cyberdramon would claw into him and pull him back up out of his partner’s reach. And while that was happening, Makuramon was forcing himself back out of the water through sheer force of will, “I will not he made a fool of! You will bow before me and show me the respect due my station!”

“The more you talk like that, the more they’re going to hurt you,” Takato shouted at the monkey before returning his attention to the fight above. Rika watched the three digimon as they danced in their lethal aerial ballet, amazed at watching the partner of a digidestined in action. Since retreat was not an option, MagnaAngemon resorted to trying to incapacitate Cyberdramon with the blunt end of his sword while Guilmon took pot shots. Oddly, neither Takato nor TK seemed alarmed by their partner’s danger. Instead, they calmly provided commentary as Takato asked, “Think they’ve got this?”

“Nope. I was waiting on you. Figured you had a plan or something, Tamer.”

“I did. Not sure if it’ll work though. They’re really moving fast,” Takato gestured at the impossible maneuvers both sides were pulling. TK laughed, “Yeah, I suppose. Still, it’ll probably turn out alright. That’s what you used to say, right? Something like, do what comes natural and destiny will sort itself out?”

“You’re right. Here goes nothing. Guilmon, grab on to Cyberdramon!” Takato shouted, giving his partner away to an unsuspecting Cyberdramon who was sure to be on his guard now. Even though he had a sword carrying angel to his front, Cyberdramon was careful to keep an eye on MagnaAngemon.  It took a minute longer for an opening to present itself but when it did, Guilmon latched onto his back and sank his teeth on to his shoulder. 

“DigiModify! Digivolution Activate!” Takato cried out, swiping a blue card through his deck. In a flash, Guilmon digivolved to Growlmon while still attached to Cyberdramon. With all the extra weight, Cyberdramon lost his balance and quickly plummeted to the ground. They crashed into the shore beside them, prompting Ryo to run out and use his digivice to restrain Cyberdramon with a whip of light. Not that he needed to since the digimon was under the weight of a large Growlmon now. Takato clapped his hands in applause, “Good job. Now for Makuramon! This is your last warning! Let’s talk this out before one of does something the other will regret.”

“Oh, we're well past that now,” Makuramon hissed, still convulsing in the water, “I am a Deva!”

“And I’m a Guardian of Destiny. Get over yourself,” Takato snapped back. Makuramon became enraged and created two more balls of energy in his hand. He raised them over his head and growled, “VERMIN! I’LL KILL YOU ALL IF I HAVE TO! NOTHING WILL STOP ME NOW!”

Just as he was about to use them, MagnaAngemon appeared behind him and used his sword to stab him in the back. The monkey fizzled for a second, dropping energy balls and looking down at the sword. Rika felt her blood run cold in shock, as MagnaAngemon casually raised the monkey into the air with his sword before throwing him off with a casual throw. The monkey crashed into the water and sank beneath the waves. 

Sure Makuramon had been antagonizing them, but he wasn’t evil or a danger to their world. And for a digidestined, that seemed especially cold blooded. Rika turned to TK in shock to see he was oddly calm about the whole thing. However, for all the trouble the monkey caused - everyone seemed calm about the death. Even Gomamon who’d objected to cold blooded murder in the past was curiously silent.  Takato was the only one getting worked up about it, “What the hell TK?”

“It was obvious he wasn’t going to stop. Besides, you weren’t complaining a second ago with the other digimon,” TK pointed out. Takato looked into the water where the lifeless digimon began to dissipate to data, eyes filled with shame, “It does always end like this, doesn’t it? Story of my lives.”

He was so distracted, he didn’t notice Ryo marching up to him from behind with his fist raised. Bet the time he did notice, Ryo had sucker punched him in the face and knocked him to the ground, “TAKE THIS!”

“Ow! What!?” Takato cried out, massaging his cheek from the ground. He looked up at his attacker with confused eyes, “What was that for? Who are you?”

“It’s Ryo, asshole!” he growled, “Forget me? I’ve been trapped her for twenty years because of you!”

Takato’s eyes looked back and forth, as if he were trying to remember, “Ryo. Ryo. Wait, I think I remember something. RYO!? Nope, lost it.”

“Then let me help you remember!” Ryo raised his fist again and struck him across the face. Rika thought he should’ve gone for one more.

[livetrux-blog]

The top 5 trends in trucking

Looking back, searching forward. It’s what we do right here at the stop of the year, an artificial boundary in time. Reporting on the trucking industry used to be eventful in 2018, and it looks to get even greater exciting in 2019. Here are nine areas I believe we’ll be maintaining a close eye on in the new year:

1. The economy

The financial outlook is not as rosy as it used to be a year ago. In the past couple of months, some notes of caution and uncertainty have started to creep into discussions about the health of the economy. It’s no longer doom and gloom or clouds on the horizon, necessarily, but matters do appear a little foggy, particularly the farther you get down the road.

This is the second longest financial growth in our history, and American Trucking Associations Chief Economist Bob Costello says there’s “no motive it shouldn’t be the longest.” He notes that economic expansions don’t die of old age; they die of something else. Economic growth as measured with the aid of gross domestic product, or GDP, improved 3.5% in the third quarter, which whilst down from 4.2% in the 2d quarter, was once nothing to sneeze at.

Generally what I’m hearing is that there’s plenty of momentum in the financial system to take us at least via the first half of the year. FTR economist There are some monetary symptoms that are troublesome, like the stock market and housing, and the reality that a lot of the Trump tax reduce is going to inventory buybacks as adverse to capital investment. The biggest problem is the uncertainty brought about by tariffs and change wars. Some monetary professionals are predicting a slowdown going into 2020.

But other numbers still seem good. HDT’s contributing economic expert, Jeff Kauffman, wrote in his Behind the Numbers column remaining month that looking at industrial production and inventories, we’re still at a excellent location in the enterprise cycle.

I appreciated how FTR senior economist Bill Witte described his outlook in a November conference call: “My model is that 2019 is in truth going to be a sequel of 2018 — with a caveat: sequels are nearly by no means as accurate as the original.”

If Congress manages to overcome its partisanship and pass much-needed infrastructure reform, that ought to lead to an economic boost.

2. Regulatory relief

I’ve been masking this industry 28 years and by no means have I seen such a love fest between trucking lobbyists and the business enterprise regulating trucking. At the American Trucking Associations’ Management Conference and Exhibition in October, ATA chief Chris Spear said, “We have no longer witnessed this degree of engagement given that the inception of [the Federal Motor Carrier Safety Administration],” some 20 years ago. FMCSA chief Ray Martinez bought a heat welcome at the meeting, where he garnered spontaneous applause when he stated he was “very concerned” about the truth that state meal/rest wreck rules fighting with federal safety regs — and as I used to be writing this on Dec. 21, the FMCSA announced it was granting the American Trucking Associations’ petition to pre-empt puzzling and duplicative kingdom relaxation spoil rules.

ELDs show up to be right here to stay. If you’re nevertheless on grandfathered automated onboard recording units (AOBRDs,) don’t wait until the closing minute to upgrade to ELDs as required with the aid of this December. However, the data that can be gleaned from the devise make changes in hours of carrier regulations extra likely.

In addition, the employer has “fast tracked” the industry’s request to revisit the hours of provider guidelines in the mild of facts being reachable from now-mandatory digital logging devices.

Of one-of-a-kind activity is restoring split-sleeper-berth flexibility; the organisation canceled a deliberate pilot software and went straight to asking fleets to share data. This is something that many in trucking have been asking for. However, I’m now not sure that ELD information can sincerely inform the employer whether such rules outcomes in truck drivers being fatigued or not. Science tells us that a single eight-hour sleep period is extra restorative than splitting it up.

Of course, even “fast-tracking” a rule when you’re talking about the federal authorities ability two years, minimum, assuming no lawsuits from security advocates or other groups, which have dogged preceding hours of provider rulemakings.

3. Electric trucks, aka e-mobility

“Self-driving trucks” have simply caught the imagination of the mainstream and tech media on the grounds that the Freightliner Inspiration concept truck drove itself throughout the Hoover Dam in 2015.

Uber shuttered its self sufficient truck improvement mid-year, however new startups have emerged, such as Ike and Embark. And then there are the thinking vehicles. Volvo confirmed off a notion tractor, Vera, with no cab at all. Mercedes showed off a pod concept for city transport called the Urbanetic, where passenger and cargo pods had been interchangeable on the same electric autonomous chassis. ZF confirmed off an autonomous cargo van.

But simply when, or even if, we’ll see authentic “self-driving trucks” in the real world is a rely of plenty debate, internal and outdoor the industry. Even our own group of workers disagrees amongst ourselves.

What I do feel positive of is that some of the technologies that would make self sufficient vans possible will be pulled forward into advanced driver assistance systems, or ADAS. We’ve considered quite a few groups working on steerage advances, for instance (watch for Jim Park’s feature in the January difficulty of HDT), and I have little doubt that this year we’ll see some of those displaying up on real-world truck models.

4. Drugs

With the midterm elections, legalization, whether or not for leisure or medicinal use, continues to unfold to extra states, and now Canada. As a panel dialogue explored this fall, trucking is caught between a rock and a challenging place when it comes to marijuana, between public opinion and increasingly liberal state laws on cannabis use on one hand, and a federal government that classifies marijuana as one of the most unsafe unlawful drugs on the other.

On pinnacle of that, the opioid epidemic is blamed for shortening our common lifespan, due to more overdoses amongst younger adults. The CDC says opioids now kill more Americans than weapons or breast cancer.

There has been motion in Washington to enable hair-follicle checking out of drivers to meet federal transportation requirements. Fleets that use hair checking out in addition to the presently required urine tests have observed many extra high quality take a look at effects among potential drivers.

On a related note, the federal drug- and alcohol-testing clearinghouse is still stalled thanks to more than a few glitches. This clearinghouse will make it more difficult for drivers to take a look at advantageous at one organization then go down the street and go to work for another.

5. Data technology

We’re carrying computers round in our pockets, and artificial Genius is being used for the whole thing from examining dash-cam facts to improve safety to finding the most environment friendly approaches to load trailers. We’ll see extended use and sophistication of telematics and information analytics, faraway diagnostics and over-the-air updates, sophisticated freight-matching algorithms and apps.

A few greater things to hold your eye on in 2019:

• Artificial Intelligence. One example: XPO says it’s planning to use artificial brain equipment and laptop imaginative and prescient technological know-how to assist cross-dock operators make certain inbound pallets are loaded into the most appropriate trailers, in the proper sequence, for the greatest effectivity at some point of delivery. Other companies are working on the usage of AI for predictive maintenance, and through “edge analytics” on the car to analyze driver behaviors in actual time.

• Blockchain. Startup corporation dexFreight these days announced it had carried out its first blockchain-based cargo using clever contracts. And Walmart has announced it will use blockchain to tune leafy vegetables from farm to shelf in the wake of contaminated romaine episodes in 2018. A wave of businesses have joined the Blockchain in Transportation Alliance to assist work out standards.

• Voice-activated systems. As smart-speaker and voice activated technologies such as Amazon Alexa, Siri, and others turn out to be extra broadly used in the mainstream world, anticipate to see more of this put to use in the trucking and logistics arena. For instance, I.D. Systems showed off Lucy, an integrated voice-activated gadget that permits a consumer to get records from the fleet’s asset and cargo database besides having to manually pull reports, such as exact in-transit reporting and real-time status and analytics.

There’s more, of course. I should go on and on. E-commerce, cybersecurity, gasoline efficiency, emissions regulations… It’s going to be an interesting year.

[jestbee]

June 10: Three Sleepless Nights With Dan

[sorayahigashikata]

Chapter 53: "Check yourself before..."

[sherristockman]

Should Antidepressants Be Given Prophylactically to Nondepressed Individuals? Dr. Mercola By Dr. Mercola Mental health appears to be dwindling across the globe, with depression now being the leading cause of ill health and disability worldwide.1,2 Over the past decade alone (2005-2015), rates of depression increased by 18 percent.3 In the U.S., more than 16 million people struggle with the condition, including 6 million seniors,4 and 11 percent of Americans over the age of 12 are on antidepressant drugs. Among women in their 40s and 50s, 1 in 4 is on antidepressants.5 Clearly, something is very wrong. Part of the problem, I believe, is the fact that the go-to solution simply doesn’t work, and the psychiatric field is slow to branch out into more effective yet less financially rewarding strategies. Antidepressants tend to be the first-line treatment, even though studies have proven they work no better than placebo.6,7,8,9 Now, researchers are investigating whether antidepressants might be prophylactically useful. The idea that taking a potent brain altering drug that has the clinical effectiveness of a placebo to prevent depression is suspect in the extreme. There are many other strategies with far better track records that can both prevent and help treat depression. Could Antidepressants Be Used Preventively? According to The Washington Post:10 “Some studies have estimated that up to half of patients with head and neck cancers may experience depression. A group of researchers … examined what would happen if non-depressed patients were given antidepressants before receiving treatment for head and neck cancer. Published in 2013, the results of the randomized, placebo-controlled trial11 were startling: Patients taking an antidepressant were 60 percent less likely to experience depression compared with peers who were given a placebo. In medicine, this approach is often referred to as prophylaxis, or a treatment used to prevent disease.” Other studies assessing the benefits of prophylactic antidepressants include: A 2014 analysis, which concluded antidepressants reduced incidence of major depression among patients treated for hepatitis C by 40 percent12 A 2004 study concluded post-stroke depression, which affects up to 40 percent of stroke victims, could be reduced through prophylactic treatment with the antidepressant mirtazapine. Forty percent of nontreated patients developed depression, compared to less than 6 percent of those receiving the drug13 A 2008 study also found nondepressed stroke patients given escitalopram (brand name Lexapro) were significantly less likely to develop depression compared to the placebo group over 12 months of treatment.14 However, it was later revealed the lead author had undisclosed financial ties to the manufacturer of the drug, which cast doubt on the results15 Other small studies have also concluded that pretreatment with antidepressants may reduce the likelihood of depression in patients receiving treatment for melanoma16,17 According to the featured article, “These findings provide compelling reasons for physicians and patients to consider using these medicines to pre-empt ­mental-health issues.”18 I couldn’t disagree more vigorously with this distorted view of reality. Just because an antidepressant might help prevent drug- or chemo-induced depression does not mean that nondepressed individuals will benefit from taking antidepressants prophylactically. In fact, it may well have the opposite effect. There’s really no telling what kind of devastating societal health effects such a trend might create. Antidepressants During Pregnancy Increase Child’s Risk of Psychiatric Disorders Antidepressants are particularly hazardous for children, teens (who are more prone to self-harm on certain antidepressants) and women of childbearing age. Recent research19 shows use of antidepressants during pregnancy raises the child’s risk of developing a psychiatric disorder.20,21 The study evaluated data collected from more than 905,000 Danish children born between 1998 and 2012. The follow-up period lasted for nearly 17 years. The results showed that: Among children whose mothers did not use antidepressants during pregnancy, the 15-year risk of psychiatric problems was 8 percent Those whose mothers took an antidepressant prior to but not during pregnancy had a risk of 11.5 percent Among those whose mothers had started taking an antidepressant prior to pregnancy and continued taking the drug during pregnancy, the risk for psychiatric problems was 13.6 percent Children whose mothers started taking an antidepressant during pregnancy had the highest risk of a psychiatric disorder — 14.5 percent Birth Defects Linked to Antidepressant Use in Pregnancy Estimates suggest anywhere from 822 to 14 percent23 of pregnant women take antidepressants, even though studies suggest there are risks involved. A 2015 study24 — which looked at the effects of selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) used during the first trimester of pregnancy and in the month before — concluded that: Paxil (paroxetine) was associated with an increased risk of five birth defects, including heart defects and anencephaly (abnormal brain and skull formation) The use of Prozac (fluoxetine) was associated with heart wall defects and abnormal skull shape (craniosynostosis) The increase in absolute risk was low; for instance, 10 out of 10,000 women may give birth to a baby with a heart defect but this increased to 24 out of 10,000 among those using Paxil. Still, some birth defects occurred two to three times more often in babies born to women taking the drugs, and when the increased risk is combined with the many other studies showing harm, and few showing benefit, it still poses a serious concern. SSRIs Increase Risk of Death by One-Third A recent meta-analysis25 also shows SSRIs and tricyclic antidepressants dramatically raise your risk of death from any cause — an effect attributed to the disruption of “multiple adaptive processes regulated by evolutionarily ancient biochemicals,” one of which is serotonin. A total of 16 observational studies were included in the analysis, involving some 375,000 participants. Overall, use of antidepressants was associated with a 14 percent increased risk of a cardiovascular event, such as heart attack or stroke, and a 33 percent increased risk of premature death. Lead author Marta Maslej told Medical News Today:26 “We made sure to only include studies that did a good enough job controlling for important variables (like depression and other illnesses), and so we have attempted to statistically rule out other factors that could contribute to mortality. We also ensured that our findings weren't related to confounding by indication. This means that people who have more severe depression could be more likely to take antidepressants, and if that's the case, we could not be sure whether the increase in risk of death is due to using antidepressants or having more severe depression. To address this issue, we re-ran our analysis on only the studies that assessed depression in participants before they began using antidepressants. When we re-ran this analysis, the risk of mortality remained high which suggests that confounding by indication wasn't an issue in our study." 21st Century Reason for Rising Depression Rates In light of the rapidly rising prevalence of depression, the question “why” is one that really needs to be looked into. I believe a significant yet completely ignored culprit is excessive microwave radiation from cellphones, cellphone towers, cordless phones, Wi-Fi, computers, smart meters, baby monitors and other electronic gadgets. Last year, Dr. Martin Pall published a review27 in the Journal of Neuroanatomy showing how microwave radiation from these technologies is clearly associated with many neuropsychiatric disorders, including depression, anxiety, autism and Alzheimer’s. In a nutshell, microwave radiation activates voltage gated calcium channels (VGCCs) in your cells, and one of the tissues with the highest density of VGCCs is your brain. Once the VGCCs are stimulated, intracellular calcium dramatically increases, as does the release of neurotransmitters, neuroendocrine hormones and highly damaging reactive oxygen species (ROS) — all of which raise your risk for depression and anxiety. Based on this mechanism, it seems clear that chronic exposure to electromagnetic fields (EMFs) can play a significant role in psychiatric health. As a society, we need to take this seriously. On a personal level, be sure to limit your exposure to EMFs and wireless technology. Simple measures include turning your Wi-Fi off at night, not carrying your cellphone on your body and not keeping portable phones, cellphones and other electric devices in your bedroom. Turning off all power at the circuit breaker to your bedroom at night is probably the single most important remediation strategy I can think of. The wiring inside your walls generates dangerous levels of magnetic and electrical (not microwave) radiation that impairs your melatonin production, disrupting your sleep. This in turn will also heighten your risk of depression, anxiety and many other health problems. To learn more about how microwaves and dirty electricity affect your health, please see my interviews with Pall and Dr. Sam Milham. Anti-Inflammatory Diet Is Essential for Psychiatric Health Download Interview Transcript Needless to say, your diet also plays a major role when it comes to your psychiatric health. According to Dr. Hyla Cass, a psychiatrist who uses integrative medicine in her practice, one of the first steps in addressing a mental health problem is to clean up your diet and address your gut health. If you don’t, you’ll seriously hamper your chances of getting well. Food sensitivities can also play a role. For example, gluten can produce symptoms of depression if you’re sensitive to it. In such a case, the key is to remove gluten from your diet entirely. Merely cutting down will not work. Cass has seen many patients recover from severe depression when going gluten-free. It’s also important to avoid sugar and junk food, which raises your risk of depression by promoting inflammation. In fact, chronic inflammation appears to be a leading cause of depression.28 One theory as to why certain nutrients work so well for depression is because they are potent anti-inflammatories. Nourishing your gut microbiome is an important component of lowering inflammation, as much of the inflammation starts in your gut. My previous article,29 “Are Probiotics the New Prozac?” reviews some of the supporting evidence.30,31,32 Researchers have also found strong connections between the gut microbiome and schizophrenia33,34 and bipolar disorder,35,36,37,38 demonstrating the close relationship between your gut and your brain. To nourish your gut microbiome, increase your consumption of fiber and probiotic foods, such as fermented vegetables, kimchee, natto, kefir and others. Keep in mind that, in order for it to work, the fiber must be unprocessed.39,40 Processed supplement fiber such as inulin powder does not provide gut bacteria with what they need. Specific Nutrients Associated With Improved Mental Health Specific nutrient deficiencies can also have a significant impact on your mental health. On CassMD.com you can find a free report called “Reclaim Your Brain,” which details a number of nutritional substances you can use to address conditions like anxiety and depression. Following are three of the most important ones: • Omega-3s — The animal-based omega-3 fats DHA and EPA are crucial for good brain function and mental health.41,42 The 2001 book, “The Omega-3 Connection” by Harvard psychiatrist Dr. Andrew Stoll, was among the first works to bring attention to and support the use of omega-3 fats for depression. Omega-3s have also been shown to improve more serious mental disorders, including schizophrenia, psychosis and bipolar disorder.43 While there’s no set recommended dose of omega-3 fats, some health organizations recommend a daily dose of 250 to 500 milligrams (mg) of EPA and DHA for healthy adults. If you suffer from depression, higher doses may be called for. In one study,44 an omega-3 supplement with a dose range of 200 to 2,200 mg of EPA per day was effective against primary depression. Good sources include fatty fish that are also low in mercury, such as wild caught Alaskan salmon, sardines and anchovies. If you don’t eat these types of fish on a regular basis, it would be advisable to take a high-quality omega-3 supplement such as krill oil, which has a number of benefits over fish oil, including better absorption.45 • Vitamin D — Researchers have suggested vitamin D may play a role in depression46 by regulating brain chemicals called monoamines, which include serotonin.47 As a general rule, depressed individuals have lower vitamin D levels than nondepressed people,48 and having a vitamin D level below 20 ng/mL can raise your risk of depression by 85 percent compared to having a level greater than 30 ng/mL.49 Recent research50 also claims that low vitamin D levels appear to be associated with suicide attempts. Ideally, maintain your vitamin D level between 40 and 60 ng/mL year-round. I also recommend having your vitamin D level checked yearly to assure you're within this ideal range. • B vitamins — A number of studies have shown deficiencies of one or more B vitamins (niacin/B3, B6, biotin/B8, folate/B9 and B12) can produce psychiatric effects. For example, vitamin B12 deficiency can trigger confusion, agitation, depression, mania, psychosis and paranoid delusions.51 One recent study52,53 found vitamins B6, B8 and B12 in combination were very effective for improving schizophrenic symptoms when taken in high doses — more so than standard drug treatments alone. Low doses were ineffective. The power of niacin (B3) was also demonstrated by Dr. Abram Hoffer, one of Cass’ mentors and a co-founder of orthomolecular medicine, which refers to the concept of nutritional deficiencies being a source of mental illness. Hoffer used high doses of niacin to successfully treat schizophrenics. Amazingly, he was able to get many of these severely ill mental patients well enough to lead normal lives. It turns out pellagra, a disorder caused by extreme niacin deficiency, produces the same psychiatric symptoms found in schizophrenia. In fact, Hoffer discovered that many schizophrenic patients were niacin dependent, meaning they needed far more niacin on a regular basis than normal in order to remain well. Other researchers have found niacin may also be successfully used in the treatment of other mental disorders, including obsessive-compulsive disorder, attention deficit disorder, anxiety and depression. Holistic Mental Health Suggestions Regardless of the nature or severity of your mental health problem, to successfully treat it, you need to take a holistic approach. Rarely will medication be the sole answer. And, considering the seriousness of some side effects, which include depression, suicide, cardiovascular events and premature death, taking an antidepressant for preventive purposes is definitely not recommended. Instead, whether you want to prevent depression or treat it, be sure to address your diet and any nutrient deficiencies you may have. A holistic doctor will be able to help you determine your nutrient status with appropriate tests, and identify any food sensitivities you may have. Most people need higher amounts of vitamin D and omega-3, but to determine your ideal dose, be sure to get a vitamin D and omega-3 index test. Following are some additional guidelines and suggestions — presented in no particular order — to keep in mind: Eat real food and avoid all processed foods High sugar and starchy nonfiber carbohydrates lead to excessive insulin release, which can result in falling blood sugar levels, or hypoglycemia. In turn, hypoglycemia causes your brain to secrete glutamate in levels that can cause agitation, depression, anger, anxiety and panic attacks. Sugar also fans the flames of inflammation in your body. In addition to being high in sugar and grains, processed foods also contain a variety of additives that can affect your brain function and mental state, especially MSG and artificial sweeteners such as aspartame. Research also shows that glyphosate, used in large quantities on genetically engineered crops like corn, soy and sugar beets, limits your body's ability to detoxify foreign chemical compounds. As a result, the damaging effects of those toxins are magnified, potentially resulting in a wide variety of diseases, including brain disorders that have both psychological and behavioral effects. Lower your microwave and EMF exposure as much as possible As mentioned, studies have linked excessive EMF exposure to an increased risk of both depression and suicide.54 Addiction to or “high engagement” with mobile devices can also trigger depression and anxiety, according to recent research.55 It would be wise to limit exposure and/or shield yourself from Wi-Fi routers by turning them off at night, not carrying your cellphone on your body, and eliminating the use of portable phones. At bare minimum, do not keep portable phones, cellphones and other electric devices in your bedroom. Also, the most important step you can take is to flip the circuit breaker to your bedroom at night, as a majority of the EMF you’re exposed to at night comes from wiring inside your walls, unless you live in Chicago or New York or a commercial building like a hotel where building codes require the wires to be enclosed in metal conduit. If that is the case you don’t need to turn the power off but must pull all electrical plugs from the wall when you go to bed. Spend more time outdoors Getting closer to nature has been shown to dramatically improve people’s mood and significantly reduce symptoms of depression. Outdoor activities could be just about anything, from walking a nature trail to gardening, or simply taking your exercise outdoors. Get adequate daily movement and regular exercise Studies show there is a strong correlation between improved mood and aerobic capacity. There’s also a growing acceptance that the mind-body connection is very real, and that maintaining good physical health can significantly lower your risk of developing depression in the first place. Exercising creates new GABA-producing neurons that help induce a natural state of calm. It also boosts your levels of serotonin, dopamine and norepinephrine, which help buffer the effects of stress. Add to your self-help tool bag Slowing your breathing using the Buteyko breathing technique increases your partial pressure of carbon dioxide, which has enormous psychological benefits and can quickly reduce anxiety. Other helpful tools include Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing and the Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT). EFT is particularly well-studied, and research shows it can significantly increase positive emotions and decrease negative emotional states. One scientific review found statistically significant benefits in using EFT for anxiety, depression, PTSD and phobias. EFT is particularly powerful for treating stress and anxiety because it specifically targets your amygdala and hippocampus, which are the parts of your brain that help you decide whether or not something is a threat.56 For serious or complex issues, seek out a qualified health care professional that is trained in EFT57 to help guide you through the process. Clean up your sleep hygiene Make sure you’re getting enough high quality sleep, as sleep is essential for optimal mood and mental health. A fitness tracker that tracks your sleep can be a useful tool. The inability to fall asleep and stay asleep can be due to elevated cortisol levels, so if you have trouble sleeping, you may want to get your saliva cortisol level tested with an Adrenal Stress Index test. If you’re already taking hormones, you can try applying a small dab of progesterone cream on your neck or face when you awaken during the night and can’t fall back to sleep. Another alternative is to take adaptogens, herbal products that help lower cortisol and adjust your body to stress. There are also other excellent herbs and amino acids that help you to fall asleep and stay asleep. Meditation can also help. Beneficial herbs and supplements: SAMe, 5-HTP and St. John’s Wort SAMe is an amino acid derivative that occurs naturally in all cells. It plays a role in many biological reactions by transferring its methyl group to DNA, proteins, phospholipids and biogenic amines. Several scientific studies indicate that SAMe may be useful in the treatment of depression. 5-HTP is another natural alternative to traditional antidepressants. When your body sets about manufacturing serotonin, it first makes 5-HTP. Taking 5-HTP as a supplement may raise serotonin levels. The evidence suggests 5-HTP outperforms a placebo when it comes to alleviating depression58 — more than can be said about antidepressants. One caveat: Anxiety and social phobias can worsen with higher levels of serotonin, so it may be contraindicated if your anxiety is already high. St. John’s Wort has also been shown to provide relief from mild depressive symptoms. Make sure your cholesterol levels aren't too low for optimal mental health Low cholesterol is linked to dramatically increased rates of suicide, as well as aggression toward others. This increased expression of violence toward self and others may be due to the fact that low membrane cholesterol decreases the number of serotonin receptors in the brain, which are approximately 30 percent cholesterol by weight. Lower serum cholesterol concentrations therefore may contribute to decreasing brain serotonin, which not only contributes to suicidal-associated depression, but prevents the suppression of aggressive behavior and violence toward self and others. What to Do if Someone You Know Is Depressed Perhaps one of the most helpful things you can do if you have a friend or family member who struggles with depression is to help guide them toward healthier eating and lifestyle habits, as making changes can be particularly difficult when you're feeling blue — or worse, suicidal. If you are feeling desperate or have any thoughts of suicide, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, a toll-free number: 800-273-TALK (8255), or call 911, or simply go to your nearest hospital emergency department. You cannot make long-term plans for lifestyle changes when you are in the middle of a crisis.

[solivar]

Time

The piece I wrote for Blackwatch Confidential.

In which Gabriel Reyes is stuck firmly in the “bargaining” stage and if I’d known about Moira O’Deorain she’d totally have been here -- and very clever with the Irish Gaelic there, Blizzard.

Extracting intelligence assets was never a thing that could be described as fun -- mostly because, by the time extraction became a necessity, the surrounding situation had devolved to such an extent that managing it was as much a matter of luck as planning. And, as a general rule, Gabriel Reyes despised relying on luck.

The present extraction operation was even less enjoyable than usual, primarily because they weren’t removing their asset alone. No, they were pulling their agent and her husband and her two children, one of whom was a surly teenager. Which was why Shimada was handling the actual on-the-ground removal process: the whole cyborg ninja thing was, in the estimation of the Agent-In-Command, just awesome enough to help pre-empt any difficulties. Gabe had to admit that the AIC appeared to have a point and things had gone smoothly for Shimada, his two fire teams worth of backup, and the asset-and-family. They were making brisk progress through the smuggler tunnels used to bring contraband into the city. It made being relegated to observer status at the extraction point just slightly more tolerable.

 “Approaching the inner perimeter barriers.” Shimada’s voice in his ear, using subvocal communication protocol to avoid pickup by any parabolic listening devices.

 “I gotcha,” the AIC drawled from a few feet away. “Deploying countermeasures in 3...2...1…” The holoscreens displaying the output of the perimeter security monitors split, feeding the false information that opened the way for the extraction team. “You got ten minutes.”

A low chuckle. “I will only need…” What he needed slid away in a sleet storm of audio distortion, loud enough that Gabe hissed and pulled the communicator out of his ear.

Jesse, in the command pod, did not react at all. Tiny explosions of darkness went off in front of his eyes, the sonic distortion increased in pitch and volume, and it felt as though someone had picked up the extraction vehicle and tilted it sharply on its side. Or, at least, it looked that way from his perspective on the floor. The last thing he saw, before the little explosions of darkness turned into an unrelieved field of the same, was Jesse turning in the command chair and the look on his face.

 “So what you’re saying,” Gabriel said, twenty hours later, from a bed in Watchpoint Geneva’s medical center, “is that I, who haven’t had a goddamned sniffle in twenty years, had a seizure.”

“I could show you the biotelemetry if you insist but, yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying.” Dr. Monika Lucchesi, the head of Neurology, said. “To be specific a generalized tonic seizure with a notable sensory component. Has this ever happened before?”

Gabriel gave her the look he usually reserved for people who ought to know better asking unutterably stupid questions. “No.”

 “Any family history of epilepsy?”

 “No.”

 “Any recent blows to the head?”

 “Other than the one I just enjoyed when I hit the floor? No.”

 The good doctor checked off items on her workpad. “There are a number of possible neurological causes but in order to determine specifics I recommend a full diagnostic health survey.” She smiled beatifically. “Also, there’s someone here to see you. I’ll let you two talk while I get things in motion.”

 “I didn’t agree to that!” He snapped at her retreating back as she opened the door and slipped smoothly to one side to allow his visitor entry.

 “All things bein’ equal, boss, I’m not sure that she cares.” Jesse smiled crookedly from the door. “Can’t say I blame her.”

 “Lord save me from the both of you, then.” Gabriel rolled his eyes heavenward. “Report.”

 “Exfiltration and extraction of all assets and asset-adjacent individuals was completed within the specified optimal timeframe. Liftoff occurred at 03:35 hours local time and transit was completed within six hours. The asset and asset-adjacent individuals have since been handed off to Out-processing for assignment to their new identities.” The corner of Jesse’s mouth twitched and he handed over the workpad containing all the relevant reports. “Commander Gabriel Reyes was remanded to the care of Medical upon touchdown and continues his tradition of being a total pain in the ass to all healthcare providers.”

 “Wiseass.” Gabriel growled, but on cursory examination all the paperwork seemed to be in order, and just looking at it was making him more tired than he should be. “How’s Genji?”

 “Doin’ okay. He didn’t have to stab anybody and I think he actually got along with the teenager, so that was a plus.” Jesse settled into the chair at his bedside. “You?”

 “For the record, this was not actually part of the plan.” Gabriel hid the tablet under the sheets. “If I were going to throw something unexpected at you for your first AIC of asset exfiltration, stupid neurological tricks wouldn’t even be on the list of possible options.”

 “And that ain’t an answer.” Jesse planted his chin on a fist and eyed him narrowly.

 “Headachy. Tired.” Both were true, and he let his head fall back into the pillows. “Stuck here for the foreseeable future unless I pull rank and discharge myself.”

 “Maybe you shouldn’t do that.” Jesse rose. “You look like crap, I don’t mind sayin’ that you scared the crap outta me, and you probably oughta get some rest. More than you’ve been gettin’, at least.”

 “I’ll take that under advisement.” But Jesse admitting to fear out loud gave him pause, and so he stayed in Medical for the duration of the health survey. And for a few days more when Lucchesi insisted on looping in Ziegler, and Ziegler insisted on running her own battery of diagnostics.

 “A brain tumor? Are you fucking kidding me?”

 As it turned out, she was not.

The Department of Defense did, eventually, send Dr. Lucchesi his personal medical documentation from the archives of the Soldier Enhancement Program, all but three paragraphs of it redacted. He could have told her the odds of getting any useful information out of them were slim to none but he hadn’t wanted to rob her of hope.

He quietly removed himself from field work. Pragmatically, the odds of being able to continue while receiving treatment were nonexistent. The location made it conventionally inoperable, and the extent of the secondary metastases through his nervous system left chemo as the applicable therapy. The same enhanced healing processes that had masked the symptoms long enough for it to turn into a Stage IV malignancy might not allow even that, given the speed with which is body metabolized every other drug in the world. Not for the first time, he wondered if the SEP had included a use by date on everyone that had endured it, given the extent to which its biological improvements were now helping to kill him.

Preventing Jesse from finding out was a weapons-grade pain in the ass. He had noticed the change in the active field roster -- impossible not to -- but initially held discretion as the better part of valor. Three months on, that was no longer true. Gabriel could and did fend off his delicate little nibbles around the edges but keeping him out of the Medical intranet had required Athena’s personal intervention to thwart him and his ICE-cutting methods. It made developing plans for the inevitable power devolution within the ranks of Blackwatch a thousand times harder. Under ideal circumstances, he would have spent another year or two easing Jesse into the idea that command responsibility was something he could handle and then another five solidifying that realization into the bedrock of his psyche and then he would have handed off the role, secure in the knowledge that his hand-chosen, hand-trained successor was ready.

Time was no longer a luxury he could afford. It wasn’t only his body failing at the worst conceivable moment. It was the entire world and the organization he’d devoted his life to building coming apart at the seams, more or less simultaneously. At that moment, sitting in his office, waiting for the newest report from medical to arrive, a handful of news streams open in one screen, the latest bullshit from New York on another, and his own structured plan for Blackwatch to outlive him on yet a third, he was forced to wonder if survival was even an option.

His system’s incoming message tone sounded. He was not particularly surprised by its content: no noticeable change in the size of the primary or secondary cancerous lesions. His body was eating the goddamned chemo before it could do its job. Nanobiotic medicine had a second-line treatment but it was highly experimental, not yet approved for human clinical trials, and possibly contraindicated thanks to his altered biology.

Ziegler thought it was worth a shot, if an experimental protocol could be approved. If he approved and was willing to take the risk.

A little more time was all he needed.