#I very clearly sleep differently than my friends bc they both jumped on the bed last night looked at the lay of the ground and then left

[alltheprettyplaces]

the struggle is trying get these cats to just lay next to me in bed

[aphrodite-made-me-write-it]

Habits - Part 2

(A/N) this ended up longer than i meant it to be bc i was editing it and thought,, lemme add more. dunno. anyway, hope yall enjoy! staying up late to work on some oneshots and the series update a;lskdf;lak figured i’d queue them as i finished them. almost midnight, so fingers crossed! once again, read that fic i linked in the first part bc it’s fantastic and send that author love.

Rating: E (Explicit for p0rn with minimal plot. it’s more relevant in this chapter, i think, but it’s v much just smut. 18+ only)

Warnings: fuckboy!yelena; PISSED!Natasha; R gets railed by a strap on; yelena is the jealous type; natwanda is very background sorry; emotionally abusive parents; mentions of past physical abuse; dw r’s parents are p much ignored in this lmfao they play such a minor role i kinda forgot they existed lowkey; this is a bit angstier than the first

Pairing: Yelena Belova x Fem!Reader; Natasha Romanoff x Wanda Maximoff (background)

Chapter Word Count: 10.8k

Total Word Count: 30.1k

Synopsis: It’s been a few years since you last saw your childhood best friend, Natasha, and her little sister, Yelena. Transferring colleges leads to you needing a roommate, and that roommate just so happens to be Natasha. Not much has changed between you, you’re still thick as thieves. Her sister, however, is a completely different story.

OR: The part where you build a glass castle and it comes crashing down.

| Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four |

not my gif

Russian Translations: Malyskha - Babygirl / Milaya - Sweetie / Kratsoka - Gorgeous / Lyubov’ - Love / Dorogoy - Darling

-

You wake up feeling way more relaxed than usual. You can’t recall having slept so soundly in your life, and the bed feels so much more comfy and warm than you can remember it ever being. You turn over, snuggling deeper into the blanket that feels strangely human.

Wait.

You open your eyes and nearly jump out of your skin when you meet a sleepy green gaze. Yelena blinks slowly as she takes you in, the gears in her mind still slow with the morning. 

“Natasha is going to murder me.” You whisper, moreso to yourself than Yelena.

The blonde stretches her arms and legs with a long groan, releasing you from her hold so that you can sit up as much as you can on the stupid couch. You force your gaze away from her naked body, instead focusing on the hall leading to the front door.

“Doubt it,” Yelena says at last, her already deep voice even huskier with sleep. Oh god. She’s so hot. “I won’t let her.”

“You’re her little sister.”

“Yes, and?”

“And I’m her best friend.”

“And…?”

“And she’s going to kill me.” You whine, biting your lip. 

Yelena scoffs. “Shouldn’t the person on top be the one she kills? How does she know I didn’t seduce you?”

“I don’t think she’ll care, seeing as you’re her-”

“Oh, enough with that shit.” Yelena sits up, doesn’t even bother to cover her chest. “You want this. You want me. I know you do.”

You meet her eyes uncertainly, but you don’t deny it. Why lie now, when she’s already proven her point? “But if she-”

“I’m an adult. You’re an adult. We’re adults who want to have sex.” She shrugs. “She can’t do anything about it.” You’re finding it harder and harder to resist that logic when she keeps looking at you with obvious want. Sensing your crumbling resolve, Yelena continues: “If you really don’t want to, we can stop. But I think you do want to.” She leans in close, her breath warm on your ear. “I know you want to. You were practically dripping last night, malyshka.”

You inhale sharply. Yelena smirks, clearly well aware of what she’s doing to you. Your heart is hammering in your ears, thunderous. “We can’t let her find out.” It’s a pathetic whisper, because you’re desperate for a way out of this that doesn’t ruin your entire friendship with one or both of your favorite human beings.

“You have a beautiful mind,” Yelena purrs, beginning to pepper kisses along your neck. “And a beautiful body,” her hand finds yours where you’re covering your breasts. She eases your hands, her kisses skirting along your collarbone. 

You move your hands to cup her cheeks, redirecting her mouth onto yours. Yelena hums, smiling with her victory. She maneuvers herself on top of you, easing you onto your back while her tongue and teeth make you forget everything but her.

Your phone buzzes from somewhere on the floor. You freeze. Yelena sighs, lets you reach around blindly for your jeans. Several missed texts - and calls - from Natasha, and another text from Carol.

Natasha’s don’t surprise you.

did you make it home ok? (11:23pm)

your silence tells me no (11:30pm)

did you end up fucking carol? (11:34)

answer your fucking phone dumbass (11:47pm)

wanda says you’re probably asleep. if you dont text me before noon tomorrow i’m going to hunt you down. (12:01am)

final warning before i rush to the apartment. (11:45am)

You hurriedly type out a text: sorry! just woke up! i was just really tired!!! Im alive, no need to terrorize my peaceful sunday. (11:46am)

“Who is it?” Yelena asks, laying back down on top of you as if you hadn’t moved at all. 

“Nat,” you whisper, frowning. “She was gonna come check on me. If we’re going to keep doing this, we should set some ground rules.”

“Ugh,” Yelena groans, “I hate rules.”

“And I don’t want Natasha to catch us with your hand between my legs.” You huff, chuckling a little.

Natasha responds:

she lives! (11:49am)

almost brought wanda and yelena to drag you out of bed (11:49am)

i’ll be home late. Wanda wants to spend our last day of freedom indoors ;) (11:50am)

You wrinkle your nose. tmi. enjoy ur sex day. (11:50am)

She sends a slew of emojis in response and you roll your eyes, almost clicking out of the messaging app when you remember Carol texted you.

hope you made it home safe last night! sorry if i came on a little strong, i think i just misread the situation. I promise im not a total horndog. I’d love to buy you a coffee sometime? :) (8:21am)

Yelena tilts her head to read your screen and groans again. “Jesus, can’t she take a hint?”

You snort. “She’s actually being nice, Yelena.”

Her arms tighten around you. “But I’m nicer.”

“I’m not going to go out with her,” you surprise yourself with the confidence in your voice. “And you don’t have to be, like, jealous of her.”

Yelena smiles, ducking her head to blow a raspberry against your collarbone. “I’m not jealous.”

“You sound a little jealous.”

“Maybe I just don’t want to share.”

“You don’t have to, if you don’t want to. Remember that thing I mentioned earlier that you said you hated? This is one of those magical things. I believe the word is-”

“Okay, okay, I get it.” Yelena nibbles at your neck. 

You smile, unable to help yourself, and set your phone on the coffee table. You comb your now free hand through Yelena’s hair. “And… you won’t, um- do anything with anyone, either?”

“Of course not. You’re the only one that I want.” The tenderness in her tone makes your heart melt unexpectedly. She kisses your neck, leaning back to meet your eyes again. She looks so overwhelmingly fond of you, you can’t help connecting your lips. It just feels right, laying here with her. 

Her eyes dart to your neck, a new grin on her face. “Can we continue where we left off, or…?”

You breathe out a laugh. “You’re insatiable. Sure, but we should move it to the bedroom. This couch sucks.”

You’re in for a long Sunday.

(“Holy shit, Lena,” you gasp, several hours later, when you finally get a look at yourself in the bathroom mirror. Your neck, collarbone, and torso have hickeys of varying severity, the ones most visible unfortunately being the ones that are the hardest to cover. 

“What?” The blonde in question slips in behind you, sliding her hands to your hips as she looks at your reflection admiringly. “I don’t see a problem?”

“What the hell am I gonna tell Natasha? That I was wrestling with an octopus?”

“Does my sister often see this much of your body?” Yelena snickers.

You roll your eyes, but lean back into her embrace. “No, but when she sees the entire continent of Europe on my neck she’s going to be a little bit suspicious.”

“You’re so paranoid. She and Wanda are way too absorbed with each other to notice something as ridiculous as a few hickeys.”)

- - - - -

“Holy fuck, were you wrestling with an octopus?” Natasha asks, catching you in the kitchen much later that evening. Yelena had left two hours ago, and you’d spent most of that time sleeping. 

“Uh- something like that.” You had hoped your hoodie would cover most of the damage. 

Natasha grins that shit-eating grin you’ve come to know and love. “You hooked up with Carol, didn’t you?”

“Um-”

“Told you she was hot.” Natasha brushes past you to open the fridge. “So that’s why you slept ‘til noon.”

“I always sleep ‘til noon,” you scoff. “You’re the freak who gets up with the sun.”

“That’s literally when you’re supposed to wake up.”

“Says who?”

“Humanity.”

“I don’t associate myself with those.” 

The rest of the evening, Yelena occasionally texts you and you do your best to hide it from Natasha. If she notices the constant checking of your phone, she doesn’t comment. In fact, she looks damn pleased with herself at what she must believe was a successful setup. You’re definitely just digging yourself into a deeper hole.

You talk about upcoming classes, and then you start to feel shitty about yourself so you go to bed early. You’re tired anyway.

(The longer you hide this, the worse it’s going to get. You should just say something to Natasha. ‘Hey, by the way, your sister sort of came onto me and now I think we’re dating. That’s fine, right?’)

(You’re so, so fucked.)

- - - - -

Your last real Halloween was - surprise surprise - when you lived in Ohio. After that, you were too old to trick-or-treat and didn’t have enough friends to be invited to parties, so. Yeah. Naturally, upon hearing this, Natasha is insistent upon throwing a Halloween party to make up for every single one you’ve missed. 

Your last time celebrating, Yelena was just small enough that you could all get away with scoring free candy off the neighborhood. You’re positive she hated it, but you sure as shit loved free candy so she didn’t put up too much of a fuss. (It’s shocking, to think back to what she’s done for you and you alone.) You and Natasha had been pirates that year, so in memory you’re pirates this year. Of course, you’re adults now, so the costumes are a lot more risque than they had been years ago.

Yours is a corset with one of those flowing tops and a ridiculously tight pair of pants. This is the last time you ever shop for pants online, you swear this to every god you know by name. Unfortunately, Natasha had invited Carol under the impression that she was your regular hookup given that Yelena hadn’t stopped her habit of leaving hickeys wherever she wanted.

Speaking of- you know Yelena was invited, but she likes to show up late. She’s probably working on her homework - as much as she pretends that she isn’t, Yelena is somewhat the academic type and at least gives effort into her assignments, albeit last-minute. You keep looking at the door, expecting her to walk in, and after about half an hour of this Natasha starts to notice.

“Who’re you waiting for? Carol’s over there,” she frowns, confused. 

Of course, Carol is talking to one of her friends. You recognize the woman, but you’re too distracted to place a name to a face right now.

“Oh, uh, yeah,” you clear your throat. “It’s- I’m not looking for anyone.”

“Yelena’s on her way. Says she got caught up.” Natasha frowns at her phone. “I think she’s hooking up with someone. She’s been in a good mood lately.”

“Oh?” You force your voice to remain even. “Any ideas on who it might be?”

“Not a clue. She’s learned how to hide her tracks.” Natasha sounds genuinely frustrated at this. You laugh at her pout.

“I’m sure it’s nothing. Can’t someone just be happy for the sake of being happy?”

She eyes you warily, but her response is cut off by the front door opening. Speak of the devil, it’s Yelena. She’s wearing what you can only assume to be a military uniform of some kind. She’s wearing the vest you bought for her, as well as camo pants and combat boots. Her cheeks have solid lines of black, the main indicator of her costume.

It hits you, very sharply, how goddamn gorgeous she is. It’s honestly an outfit she’d probably wear on a normal day out, but she looks so good in it, you forget to breathe for a second. The rest of the party feels muted, somehow, in comparison to the beam of light Yelena brings to you just by entering the room.

Of course, you have to play it casual. A cordial greeting, an inside joke to show Natasha that you’re totally normal, not at all having sex with each other.

Drink two, and this is when you start feeling Yelena’s eyes on you. She’s always so aware of you, you doubt her gaze ever left you since she’d entered. Still, you pretend you don’t notice, even when Carol starts chatting you up.

“You look great,” she says, smiling that friendly smile of hers.

You aren’t flirting, but you aren’t exactly ignoring her advances, either. It’s a relatively innocent conversation about classes, when lacrosse season starts. Easy stuff. Basic shit, really. It’s enough, though. 

You felt your phone vibrate.

Your room. Ten minutes. (11:38pm)

It’s from Yelena, of course.

You can’t count down the minutes fast enough. Natasha is long-gone in her conversation with Steve, Wanda and Pietro, and Carol has returned to her friend. Perfect timing. Nobody even notices your absence.

Yelena is, unsurprisingly, waiting for you. There are more guests than usual, so locking the door and barring entry shouldn’t raise too many eyebrows. At least, in theory, it shouldn’t. This is honestly the most risky situation you’ve found yourselves in since you started this whole thing.

The moment the door is locked, she’s on you. She’s kissing you hard, like she can’t get enough of you, her hands pawing at your corset like an overager teenager. You try to laugh at her eagerness, but it’s cut off by a squeal when her hands grip your ass.

“You’re forgetting who you belong to, malyshka,” she warns lowly. You gasp when she pulls you impossibly closer. “This is the perfect time for a reminder, don’t you think?”

And that’s how you find yourself half-naked with Yelena between your legs, eating you out like it’s her job. Her tongue flickers against your clit, urgency in her actions. She wants this to be quick, but you have the sense that she’s battling against her urge to make you last longer.

You’ve been keeping quiet for the most part. Or, as quiet as possible when you’re being gravitated towards a mind-shattering orgasm. Yelena is just unfairly good at making you want to scream, so you end up biting your pillows and your fist to keep from making too much noise. 

And when you finally - finally - reach that precipice, Yelena is right there, holding your hand above your head and swallowing your moans. Once you’ve caught your breath, she settles herself over your face, and you make quick work of returning the favor.

When you return to the party, you’re positive your makeup isn’t as nice as it had been before your impromptu session with Yelena. If Natasha notices, she doesn’t comment. Still, this is the first time since you’d started this whole thing that you feel that raw, unnerving guilt gnawing away at the back of your mind.

(Part of you wishes she’d just find out already. That she’d question why you and Yelena always seem to disappear together, or why you have so many of Yelena’s shirts.)

(She never does.)

(You hate what you’ve become.)

(You love your bad habits.)

- - - - -

“I don’t understand where this is coming from.” Your mother’s tone is, predictably, nothing short of cold and clipped as she talks to you. “Why would you spend Thanksgiving in Ohio? Are you seriously contacting your father again?”

“No, mom, I’m not contacting Dad.” Your handful of weeks fucking (dating?) Yelena in secret were going incredibly well. Unfortunately, when things go well for you, there tends to be something to completely destroy whatever scrap of happiness you’d found for yourself. That something, typically, is your mother. “I’m going to spend it with Natasha’s family.”

A pause. “The Russians?”

“Yup.”

An even longer pause. “I just don’t understand. I take you out of that hellish state, I make sure you get into a good college - that I pay for, by the way - and this is how you thank me? Leaving me for your father? Don’t you remember what he did to me? To you?” 

You cringe. “Mom, I’m not-”

“As if leaving me for strangers is any better!” She snaps.

“I’ve known her since we were like, seven! I haven’t seen her parents in years, they practically raised me when you and dad couldn’t be bothered-”

“Don’t take that tone with me. I don’t know what you think you’re referring to, but that is not how I remember the situation. Fine, you had one friend growing up and I’m happy you’ve reconnected, but this is ridiculous.”

You chew the inside of your cheek, tasting blood. “You said you were working that week, anyway.”

“And I’m not allowed to want to come home to my child?” She scoffs. “If you want to be ungrateful, fine. You had better come here for winter break.” 

With this, she hangs up, and you finally let the stupid tears you’d been fighting come freely to the surface. You would, literally, rather die than cry in front of your mother - even if it’s on the phone. Maybe it’s just a stubborn habit you’ll never kick.

Yelena was the one to ask if you could go. You were genuinely excited to see Alexei and Melina again, even if it meant pretending you weren’t betraying their eldest daughter by getting railed by their youngest. There’s no proper etiquette of tricking your best friend into letting you follow her to Ohio because you’re fucking her little sister, so it took a bit of hinting on Yelena’s end to convince Natasha to ask their parents and, eventually, you.

School work was already piling up, so that’s probably not helping the uncontrollable crying. You never could manage your emotions well when work was piled up. Feeling stupid and just sad, you reach for pretty much your only source of comfort lately: one of Yelena’s ridiculously large hoodies. They’re big on her, so the sleeves go easily past your fingers. It smells like her.

“(Y/N)?” The door opens, temporarily surprising the sobs out of you. You look up and find Yelena in the doorway. Her expression changes instantly. She’s at your side, pulling you into a tight embrace. You sink into her hold, burying your face in her neck. “What’s wrong, milaya?”

“Nothing,” you sniffle. “It’s stupid.”

“Nothing that makes you upset is stupid.” Yelena murmurs, kissing the top of your head. 

“My mom,” you offer lamely. “She’s just pissed I’m not going to hers next week.”

Yelena holds you tighter. “Is she going to try to send you back to New York?”

You snort. “No, she wouldn’t do that unless I somehow got pregnant.”

She sighs. “There go my plans…”

“Shut up,” you laugh, pulling away in an attempt to wipe away the wetness still on your cheeks. Yelena takes your face in her hands, though, and thumbs the tears away for you.

“Are you okay?” She asks, frowning.

“I’m fine. She’ll get over it.”

“So you’re still coming?” The hopefulness in her voice makes your heart swell. You connect her lips with yours without thinking about it, matching her growing smile with one of your own. 

“Of course I am.” You pause. “Why’d you come over, by the way? Not that I’m complaining.”

“Oh!” She looks uncharacteristically sheepish. “My roommate is out until after classes tomorrow. Do you want to come to mine?”

You’ve only been to Yelena’s dorm once when she’d first moved into it. It’s small, but it’s removed enough from Natasha’s circle of friends and acquaintances that you and Yelena might actually get some quality time together without worrying about jumping apart at any sound from the hallway.

It’s changed a lot since then. Yelena’s roommate is the studious type - Maria Rambeau is her name - and her mother was in the air force; her side of the room has all sorts of cool pictures of her mom and Maria as a child. She’s also on the lacrosse team with Yelena, or so you’re told, so the two get along pretty well.

Yelena’s side of the room couldn’t be more different. Where Maria keeps her things tidy and organized, Yelena’s more of the ‘organized chaos’ type. Sure, things are haphazardly thrown about, but everything has a place and you’ve no doubt she could find anything in her half of the room. It’s also pretty obvious where the dividing line is, too, which makes you laugh because the same thing had been the case when she and Natasha shared a room as kids.

(For years - until you and Natasha were fifteen, actually - Yelena couldn’t sleep alone. You think it has to do with the orphanage in Russia, but you’ve never pried and you don’t plan on it.)

She unceremoniously shoves her folded laundry off of her bed and into the basket they’d certainly just been pulled out of. You take your spot closest to the wall while the blonde grabs her laptop.

She doesn’t hesitate to wrap an arm around your shoulders once she joins you, and you lean into her without question. It’s strange, how quickly you’ve adapted to this. It’s like you and Yelena were just always meant to be this way. Inevitable. Your dirty little secret has become a bad habit, and you can’t get enough of it.

Yelena, to her credit, at least gets through the first twenty minutes of the movie before she starts peppering kisses along the fading hickeys on your neck. You pretend not to notice at first, dedicatedly staring at the screen even when her kisses become heavier, more insistent. (She’s cute when she’s impatient.)

Eventually, your indifference makes her growl a little in frustration and you can’t resist laughing.

“What’s the matter?” You ask, feigning innocence. 

Yelena arches an eyebrow at you. Very much an, ‘are you serious right now?’ look. “Oh, we’re playing this game, now?”

“What ever do you mean, Yelena?” You bat your eyelashes at her. “I’m not doing anything.”

She juts her lip out into a pout. “(Y/N).” 

“Yelena,” you whine mockingly. “If you want something, you should just say it.”

“I want to fuck you.” She grabs one of your hands, guiding it into her lap. You freeze when you feel it. 

“Have you been packing that this entire time?” You breathe, suddenly sounding hoarse.

Yelena grins. “Maybe.”

She’s mentioned her strap once or twice in passing, but usually you went at it like rabbits whenever you were alone in your apartment together. You haven’t exactly had the time to go out and buy one yourself, but Yelena apparently bought one a few days after you started your… thing. 

It’s a little bigger than you’re used to, but you think you’ll manage seeing as Yelena’s favorite pastime is bringing you to the edge and easing you away from it just before you could reach it. 

In minutes, she’s tearing off your clothes, the laptop set precariously aside. It’s easy to fall into this, easy to succumb to the tender kisses and the promises of pleasure she brands into your skin with every touch and kiss. It’s getting easier to ignore the guilt, too. Too easy, probably. 

Maybe, part of you thinks, maybe Natasha will be less angry when she finds out just how deep you’re in it with Yelena. Not that you and the blonde talk about it very much, but there’s something heavier and needier in your interactions than just lust. Something deeper. You have a feeling Yelena is waiting for you; always, she’s waiting for you. She’s too patient with you. You haven’t taken the first step in your entire fucking life.

Your thoughts are interrupted when Yelena bites down on your inner thigh, earning a mixture of a hiss and a groan. You look down at her, meeting her gaze. The warmth in her eyes is almost too much to bear.

“Eyes on me,” she instructs.

Yelena has learned every inch of your body and exactly where to touch you to make you weak with pleasure. Her tongue is the perfect weapon, bringing you to near-tears until she stops suddenly. You gape at her in distress, whimpering while she chuckles at you.

“Patience, malyshka. I don’t want to hurt you.” Yelena eases herself on top of you again, kissing you gently while the tip of the strap prods against your entrance, then your clit. Your hips twitch impatiently. Yelena grabs them with one hand and pins them to the bed easily, preventing any movement much to your dismay. 

“Yelena,” you whine. “Please.”

“Aw, but I like watching you like this.” She rubs against your clit again, slowly, tantalizingly. “So desperate for me, aren’t you?”

“Yes,” you breathe. “I’m desperate for you. Please just fuck me.”

Yelena hums, slowly easing the strap inside of you. Your breath catches and Yelena places kisses on your neck, cheek, and then lips while reminding you to breathe. Yelena likes to fuck you roughly, sure, but there are so many little moments like this where she’s so gentle with you that it reminds you, sharply, of how much she actually cares about you. (And how much you’re starting to realize you care about her.)

When you’re adjusted to the size, you give Yelena an almost imperceptible nod and she begins thrusting inside of you. You always thought that people who said sex with someone you’re deeply fond of was better, but every time you have sex with Yelena your disbelief is put to scrutiny. It’s just better, you can’t explain it. Something in the way Yelena watches your face for signs of discomfort, or signs of pleasure; or maybe it’s the way that, even when she starts pounding into you with purpose, she always - always - kisses you like you’re the only thing in this world that matters.

Yelena grabs one of your legs and hitches it around her waist, finding a spot deeper inside that makes you see stars. You’d been trying your best to keep quiet - you’re certain these dorms aren’t perfectly soundproof - but this completely breaks that willpower. You’re keening, back arching high as your hips twitch helplessly in Yelena’s grip and your nails rake down her spine. The blonde is glowing with this small victory, hissing in either pain or pleasure or probably both.

“You look so pretty, spread out for me,” she murmurs, biting teasingly at your earlobe. “Like you were made to take my cock like this.”

You let out a harsh breath when her fingers find your clit, releasing your hips as her other arm supports her weight. “Fuck! I’m- Yelena I’m close-”

“I know,” she hums, examining your neck with pride. “You know how to earn it, malyshka.”

“Please,” you rasp obediently, “please, Yelena. I need to- I’m so close I- please let me-”

You’re cut off by an animalistic moan as the blonde pounds into you, the breath knocked clean out of your body. She leans back enough to look at your face, your eyes threatening to close as you barely hang onto the edge.

“Look at me,” she purrs. You force your eyes open again. “That’s it. Good girl. Cum for me. Go on, that’s it…”

Your orgasm quakes through you, sending you into a series of whimpering moans of her name. She murmurs in Russian, encouragement you think; it doesn’t really matter what she’s saying, honestly, because it’s always so fucking hot when she does that. 

While Yelena slows down, you happen to glance over her shoulder at the mirror that just so happens to be at the foot of the bed. When you notice how flushed you are - how completely, utterly wild you look - beneath Yelena’s rocking body, you feel an unexpected wave of arousal.

Yelena pauses in her thrusts, following your gaze perhaps out of instinct, and when she looks back at you she’s got a shiteating grin on her face.

“You like watching me fuck you?” She asks, almost sounding impressed. You nod mutely, blushing out of embarrassment. “Well, why don’t we give you a better look, krasotka?” She pulls out of you unexpectedly, the sensation causing you to gasp. “Hands and knees for me. Face the mirror.”

You aren’t a narcissistic person. You aren’t even the type to gawk at yourself in the mirror for that long when getting ready. Yelena brings a lot - a lot - out in you. You find yourself following her orders without question, body practically buzzing with anticipation.

When she pushes into you again, Yelena is relentless. Ruthless. You can hear the shitty old twin bed groaning with every thrust but you don’t care. You can’t tear your eyes away from the image of Yelena pounding into you, fingers bruising your hips, her cheeks flushed and eyes dark.

Catching your gaze in the reflection, Yelena grabs a fistful of your hair and pulls. “That’s right, malyshka. Look at me when I fuck you. Look at how beautiful you look, taking me like this. You’re mine, aren’t you?”

“Yes- yes- I’m yours-” you gasp, watching the way your bodies move together. “Fucking hell, Lena-”

“And who makes you cum like this?” She moves a hand to your clit, toying with it almost boredly.

“You! Only you!” Your hips twitch against her movements, all your muscles tensing when she finds that spot deep inside you again. 

“Gonna cum again for me?” Yelena rasps, thrusting harder and faster. “Go on, lyubov’. Cum again.”

Your eyes nearly roll into the back of your head. The wave of pleasure is so intense you swear you actually blackout. Yelena lets you ride it out, pressing kisses on your shoulders and the back of your neck as you struggle to move again. 

When you’re able to breathe, Yelena pulls out and removes the strapon. You connect your lips in a slow, passionate kiss before rolling her onto her back. Your limbs feel like jelly, but that’s fine. You don’t need arms and legs to eat Yelena out.

You’ve come to learn that, while Yelena enjoys fucking you as roughly as she pleases, she prefers softer sex herself. You think she gets off on the intimacy more than the actual sex itself. She likes soft kisses, lingering touches. Her body is an instrument, finely tuned, and you’ve learned just how to play the perfect melody

She doesn’t make much noise, but you revel in the little gasps and moans she makes in your descent down her body. Her body is far more reactive than she is vocal; hips move constantly when you find those sensitive spots of hers. (Her stomach, her thighs, just between her breasts, under her ear-)

Yelena breathes out your name like a prayer when you finally give her what she wants. You suck softly on her clit, looking up to find so much intensity in her green eyes you’re tempted to look away. She always looks so enraptured by you. Like you put the stars in the sky. It’s almost overwhelming.

(Almost.)

But when one of her hands finds yours over the fucked up blanket, fingers slotting between your own, and the other cards through your hair, you feel like - maybe - you’re putting stars in the sky right now. This moment, this little world you’ve created - it’s just for you and Yelena.

Yelena’s hold on your hand tightens. She’s already close. You ease her into her first orgasm with practiced precision. You don’t slow down, moving your free hand to press two fingers inside of her. She keens at the sensation, eyes never leaving yours.

When she comes again, she pulls you up to her mouth so she can kiss you hard. It’s a lazy, slow kiss that makes your heart ache and sing all at once. After a few moments, Yelena pulls her blanket around the both of you. You lay your head on her shoulder, feeling so tired you can barely think.

Sleep, as it always mercifully does when you’re next to Yelena, comes surprisingly easy.

- - - - -

You wake up only a few hours later. You have to get back home before Natasha’s last class finishes up. You get dressed reluctantly, mind still a little slow and body far less willing to leave Yelena’s side. The blonde offers to walk you out and it’s damn near impossible to resist those eyes of hers. She even gives you one of her hoodies again, taking back the other one (“Now it smells like you, take this one.”) 

You’re in such a doofy, happy haze you don’t notice someone saying your name until you feel Yelena’s entire body go RIGID. Alarmed, you turn around to find Carol - yes, that Carol - hurrying towards you with that puppydog grin of hers. Yelena immediately has an arm around your shoulders, pulling you close against her. If looks could kill, Carol Danvers would be on the floor in an instant.

“Hey, Carol,” you greet, forcing a smile. “Sorry about- uh, that um-”

“It’s fine,” she shrugs it off like it really is nothing. “I was actually going to ask you why Natasha thinks we’re dating?”

Your jaw drops. “She- she thinks what?”

Carol glances at Yelena nervously, but you’re pretty sure it’s not out of fear. “She was asking me how things were going with us.”

“W-what did you say to her?”

“I said you were probably too busy for a relationship.” She looks at Yelena’s arm around you. “But I see that I was wrong in that assumption.”

“It’s… a weird story. C-can you do me a favor and, um, not tell Natasha about… this?”

Carol looks between you and Yelena several times. You can’t read her expression, but it’s certainly more surprised than it had been when she initially saw you and Yelena together. “She… doesn’t know?”

“Not exactly.”

“Your own best friend doesn’t know that you’re dating her little sister?”

You cringe. “It’s-”

“A weird story?” Carol nods, looking immensely uncomfortable. “Uh, yeah, sure, I’ll keep it under wraps. Only ‘cause Yelena is our best addition to the team and I can’t have her hating her captain before we even start the season.” She gives the younger woman a casual smile. Yelena relaxes ever so slightly, but she doesn’t remove her arm. “But you should probably say something to her sooner rather than later. Y’know, kinda like how you should tell people you’re into someone else before you give them your number?” At your expression, she snorts with laughter. “I’m kidding! It’s fine. I could tell you weren’t all that into it. I thought you were just getting over a breakup or something.” 

“Well, this was a fun chat.” Yelena clears her throat. “Bye, Danvers.”

“Later, Belova. (Y/N).” The two women share a respectful nod in departure.

You wait until you’re in the stairwell to kiss Yelena on the cheek. “Look at you, being all jealous again.”

“Can you blame me? She was obsessed with you.” Yelena scoffs, but there’s a smile fighting at her lips.

“She texted me like three times and it was to make sure I made it home alive when I ditched her at a club.” You roll your eyes.

You make it to the ground level, and Yelena pauses.

“Do you think she was right?” She asks.

You frown. “About what?”

“Telling Natasha.”

You feel like you’ve been punched in the gut. The thought of losing Natasha hits you full-force. She’ll never forgive you for this. This is her sister - her baby sister - and you’re sneaking around with her. 

“(Y/N)?” Yelena presses.

“I don’t know,” you admit, a lump rising in your throat. “I-I mean, we’ll have to eventually, right?”

Yelena studies your face for a long moment. “Is there a problem with that?”

You feel something hot stinging at your eyes. You blink it away. “Besides losing my best friend?”

“You won’t lose anybody.” Yelena takes your face in her hands. Ever tender, her eyes warm and expression soft. “I won’t let that happen.”

“You can’t promise that, Lena,” you lean into her touch, closing your eyes to hide the stupid tears rising in them. “You guys are all I have, you know?”

“I know.” She presses a kiss to your forehead. “And so does she.”

“Not yet. Please?” You meet her gaze again, desperate for that warmth. “I’m not- I’m not ready for-”

“Okay,” she kisses you gently. “Not yet.”

(You wonder how long you can make this ‘not yet’ last.)

- - - - -

“I had the weirdest conversation with Carol today,” Natasha says casually, sitting beside you on the couch and propping her feet up on the coffee table.

“Oh?” You ask, trying to sound a million times less anxious than you’re suddenly feeling. You keep your gaze on the TV, not even caring about whatever it is this week’s baking challenges are. “What was it about?”

“She says you guys haven’t talked since you ditched us at Woody’s.” Natasha is definitely not buying this. At all.

“Oh,” you clear your throat. “Yeah, we, uh, haven’t.”

“Which is weird, ‘cause I could’ve sworn the next day you had a million hickeys on your neck.” She pauses. You can feel yourself starting to sweat. “And you’ve got a few more today.” She’s pawing at the collar of your shirt so you swat her hand away irritably.

“Am I not allowed to have a fuckbuddy?” You ask lamely. 

“Of course you are! It’s just weird that you feel like you need to hide it from me, that’s all.” Natasha eyes you for a long, long moment. You should just do it now, get it over with. So what if there are no witnesses to whatever crime she decides to commit against you. “Do you not trust me or something?”

“No!” You look at her fully now, well-aware that the blood has drained from your face. “Of course I trust you, Nat! You’re my best friend.”

“So why all the secrecy?” She presses. “Is it someone I know?”

“D-does it matter?”

“I guess not.” She pauses, then looks down at your shirt. “Oh, are they on the lacrosse team with Yelena?” You must look really fucking stupid, because Natasha takes this as confirmation. “You can’t tell me you’re keeping it from me ‘cause Yelena had a crush on you all those years ago!”

“W-what?” You croak, suddenly able to breathe.

“You didn’t know?” Natasha snorts, leaning back against the cushions. “I thought it was pretty obvious. Doesn’t help that her first ‘real’ girlfriend was like a spitting image of you.” She scoffs, shaking her head. “It was cute, though. Her first crush.” She nudges you with her shoulder so you laugh awkwardly.

“I had no idea,” you offer. 

You are a really, really shitty friend. (And, probably, an even shittier girlfriend.)

- - - - -

“(Y/N)! Look at you, dorogoy, you’ve grown so big!” Melina exclaims as she pulls you into a tight embrace. You return it eagerly, burying your face in her shoulder and laughing with delight.

“Melina! It’s been too long!” You release her just as Alexei pulls you into a hug. He reeks like motor oil, though he’s done his best to clean up for the occasion. He likes to work on old cars in the garage - or, he used to, and it seems like he hasn’t given that hobby up yet despite being terrible at it. (Lucky for him, Melina is often there to help.)

“We have all the food ready and waiting for you girls- you must be Wanda! Natasha has told me so much about you!” Melina moves onto the other dinner guest as Natasha moans about not embarrassing her. 

You follow Alexei and Yelena into the kitchen where all three of you promptly grab a bottle of beer and clink them together before drinking.

“So, (Y/N),” Alexei begins, eyeing you with joy. “Has my daughter told you about-”

“Dad,” Yelena warns, but is promptly ignored.

“-the time I went ice fishing with my father?”

“Please stop!” Yelena yelps, grabbing your hand. “She doesn’t need to hear that story!” She begins dragging you away, her father’s booming laughter following you into the dining room.

“Is that the one where his dad pees on him?” You ask, chuckling.

“Yes.” Yelena groans, blushing hard. “I told them not to be embarrassing but with Wanda I think they’re both determined to turn over all the dirty family secrets.” She mutters a curse in Russian, causing your laughter to bubble back up.

“I like your parents,” you tell her, grinning. “I wish mine were this fun.”

Yelena gives you a sympathetic smile. “I don’t see his car outside. I don’t think he’s home.”

You shrug. “He’s probably at the bar. He’ll be home later, though.”

“And you’ll be here.” Yelena hasn’t let go of your hand. She squeezes it now, the most PDA you’re both willing to risk at the moment. “I wish I could have protected you then. Did Natasha ever tell you about how I almost went over to your house with my lacrosse stick?”

“No.” You blink in surprise. “When was that?”

“When you first told us… about…” She winces, and so do you. “I just picked it right up and stormed to the front door after you’d left. I was terrified he would hurt you again. Furious at the thought of it.” She breathes out an almost disbelieving laugh. “I think, even then, I knew-” she cuts herself off, looking alarmed.

“Knew what?” You press.

Yelena opens her mouth to respond, but the conversation of Melina, Natasha, and Wanda cuts her off. You drop her hand, nearly jumping away from her as you take a long swig from your beer. (You don’t miss the wounded look Yelena sends you.)

The rest of the meal is spent jovially, but you can sense something is off with Yelena. She’s quieter than usual, less willing to join in the conversation. Natasha must notice, too, because she sends several concerned glances towards the blonde.

Natasha and Yelena still shared the one room, but the guest room was offered for Natasha and Wanda to share while you and Yelena took the girls’ childhood bedroom. You fall into bed a little tipsy, but being in such close proximity to your alcoholic father has you on edge tonight.

Even worse, Yelena hasn’t said much since she entered the room five minutes after you. You were already in your pajamas, laying on Natasha’s bed staring up at the little glow in the dark stars that they had all over their ceiling for as long as you could remember. There’s also a very distinct tiny handprint from one of those sticky hands Yelena had thrown up there when she was nine. It took a full year for it to come down, subsequently scaring the shit out of Natasha when she was sleeping.

“Is everything okay?” You ask when she begins to undress. 

“Why wouldn’t it be?” Her clipped tone tells you that no, everything is not okay.

“I don’t know. Why don’t you tell me so we can talk about it?” You offer, sitting up.

She finishes getting into her pajamas in stony silence. You wait quietly, but your heart is roaring in your ears. What have you done wrong? “We don’t ever talk about things. Why are we starting now?”

“Where is this coming from?” You frown. “Yelena, just tell me-”

“Does this mean anything to you?” The question shocks you to the core. Yelena turns to face you and to your absolute alarm there are TEARS in her eyes. You haven’t seen Yelena cry since that day your mom drove you away from here. She gestures between you, apparently taking your silence as misunderstanding. “Us. Does this mean anything to you?”

“Of course it does.” You keep your tone low, eyeing the bedroom door warily. Wanda and Natasha were just down the hall. Melina may not care about overhearing and Alexei sleeps like the dead. “Why do you think it doesn’t?”

“You still haven’t told Natasha.”

You flinch. “I-”

“If this meant anything to you, you wouldn’t want to keep hiding it. Hiding us. We can’t keep this a secret forever and Natasha is my sister. I want to tell her how happy you make me. I want to go out on dates, show the world that you’re mine.” She pauses, sounding timid all of a sudden. “Don’t you want that for us?” The way her voice cracks brings hot tears to the edges of your eyes.

“Of course I do,” you swallow thickly around the lump in your throat. “I want that. I do.” You hate yourself. “But I don’t want to lose Natasha over this. Your family - it’s the only family I care about.”

“You won’t lose Natasha.”

“You can’t promise that.”

“You can’t promise that you’ll lose her, either.”

As usual, Yelena is her most convincing when she sounds so sure of herself. So confident. Has she ever doubted anything in her life? (Yes, you realize, she has. Your feelings for her. Because you’re an asshole.)

“Okay,” you relent softly. “I’ll tell her.”

“When?”

“I don’t know. Tomorrow? Just- let me think about what to say to her. Please, Lena.” 

Yelena takes a slow, steadying breath. Her shoulders rise with the action as her eyes clench shut. You bite the inside of your cheek, hoping beyond all hope that she isn’t going to do what you’re most terrified of. (With a shock, you suddenly realize that losing Yelena is possibly more painful that losing Natasha.)

“I’ve waited this long,” she murmurs at last, opening her eyes. “I can wait a little longer.”

She just looks defeated. 

(You hate that you’re the reason she looks like that.)

- - - - -

You don’t sleep well that night. It has to be the fact that your father is a few houses away, but the nightmares keep waking you up to the point that you just end up staring at the glow in the dark stars again. In the years that have passed, their light is dimmed. Still, you can make them out enough to count them.

After your sixth attempt at sleep, Yelena’s voice cuts through the darkness:

“Come over here.”

You slip under her blanket, enveloping yourself in her smell and clinging to her embrace. She chuckles when you shiver from your brief trip through the cold distance between the beds. You get comfortable in her arms, wrapping your own around her so you can bury your face in her shoulder. You let silence surround you for several long minutes, listening instead to her breathing and her heart. 

“Yelena?” Your voice must startle her. Her heart picks up the pace. “You know I’m in love with you, right?”

If she didn’t stiffen so much, you’d assume she hadn’t heard you. She nudges you gently so you prop yourself up on an elbow, looking down at her. You wish you could see her more clearly.

“You love me?” She asks in disbelief.

“Of course I do.” You inhale shakily. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel like this didn’t mean anything to me. It does. It means… it means a lot to me. You mean a lot to me.”

Her hold on you tightens, and so does her embrace. “I know you’re scared of losing Natasha.” She pauses considerably. “And maybe she’ll be mad. But- she’ll come around. Friendships like that don’t just end.”

You sigh, press a sleepy kiss to her neck. “I hope you’re right.”

Silence.

You’re just on the edge of sleep when Yelena says, “(Y/N)?” You hum in question. “You know that I’ve been in love with you since forever, right?”

You smile, unable to help yourself. “I know.”

- - - - -

You wake up to soft kisses being pressed all over your cheek, forehead, chin, nose - it takes you several long minutes to give in and open your eyes. Yelena is smiling lovingly at you, her eyes shining in the morning light. 

You return the smile, smoothing some of her messy hair away from her face. “Morning.”

“Morning,” she kisses you sweetly. 

You spend the next ten minutes or so just laying there, holding each other. Sometimes you kiss lazily, but mostly you just grin at each other like idiots and bask in the delicate world you built for yourselves. You can’t believe how stubborn you’d been about these feelings before. They’re so beautiful, so wonderful and they make you so happy you could cry.

“I love you,” you tell her quietly.

“I love you, too,” Yelena murmurs, kissing you with more purpose.

Your hands find themselves under her shirt, fingers tracing her spine while her own hands pull you on top of her. You straddle her waist, biting back a surprised noise when you feel her squeeze your ass.

“Your family’s probably downstairs,” you whisper.

Yelena rolls her eyes. “You can’t be quiet?”

You blush. “You know you don’t let me stay quiet.”

She chuckles, grinning wickedly. “Fair point.”

“And we should tell Natasha before she overhears us getting it on in here.” You kiss her again slowly. She hums thoughtfully against your lips.

“Fine.”

You slip off of her and you both get dressed with several shared glances and giggles and kisses. It’s hard to separate when you leave the room. From the kitchen, you hear idle chatter. Once ready, you and Yelena head downstairs to join the rest of the family for breakfast.

Over the food, you and Yelena once again share glances and smiles. Natasha is certainly picking up on something. You can sense it, the way her eyes keep moving between you, Yelena, and whatever gears are turning in her mind.

You decide that it’s probably better to do this in front of the family. Why wait to make the announcement of your relationship to them? You wish you could broadcast it to the world. It’s a shame Wanda has to be here for it, though, because you truly have no idea how this is going to end.

It’s when the dishes are starting to be cleared by Melina, Alexei, and Wanda that the subject is brought up, but not by you or Yelena.

“So, how long have you been sneaking around to fuck my sister?” Natasha says it so casually you actually choke on your coffee. 

“Natasha!” Melina scolds from the kitchen. The house is suddenly so silent, you swear you hear a few leaves falling outside. 

“W-what?” You stammer, going pale. Yelena looks between you and Natasha, her hand automatically finding yours under the table. 

It’s the calmness in Natasha’s expression that frightens you most. She looks at you evenly, almost emotionlessly. “How long have you and Yelena been going behind my back?”

“Nat,” Wanda begins, but Natasha shakes her head sharply.

“No. I want to know how long my best friend thought it was appropriate to sleep with my sister without telling me.”

“Natasha,” you begin shakily. 

“Girls-” Melina warns, stepping into the doorway. 

“How long were you lying to my face?” Natasha continues, standing slowly. You stand, too, and so does Yelena, who never disconnects your hands. Natasha eyes them with little to no change to her expression. “Well?”

“Since… since right before school started.” You admit. “The night I left you guys at that club.”

It happens so fast you don’t even register that Natasha had moved. There’s just a stinging in your nose, your eyes watering as the crack rings in your ears. Several voices shout Natasha’s name, and then Yelena’s as the blonde grabs her sister and pushes her against the doorframe beside Melina.

You reach out to grab Yelena, but to your amazement your face is spewing blood. Your hands fly to your nose again, the liquid flowing freely from it. Well, yeah, this is pretty much how you saw this going.

“Nat, I’m sorry-” You start.

“You’re only sorry because you got caught.” Natasha snaps, shoving her sister off of her. Alexei intervenes, now, murmuring his daughter’s name. She backs away from him, glaring at you. “You lied to me. For weeks. For months.”

“I didn’t mean to-”

“Didn’t mean to what? Fuck my sister or lie to me about it?”

“Both? I don’t know!” Tears are freely falling from your eyes, now, but you aren’t sure if it’s from the pain in your nose or the anguish of the situation. “It just- it just happened and then I fell in love with her and-”

Yelena stops the next punch with surprising speed and strength. Alexei cuts in between the two before Natasha can reconsider the next swing’s target. You stay rigid in your spot, unable to move or speak.

“Fuck this.” Natasha backs away from her family and turns on her heels to walk out the front door. “And fuck you.” She throws over her shoulder, slamming the front door so hard it shakes.

Wanda is the first to react to this, though a handful of silent seconds go by. “I’m gonna go talk to her.” She stands, looks at you with sympathy. “She doesn’t mean that. I know she doesn’t.” She pauses, looking towards the door again. “She’s been suspecting it for a while.”

You don’t respond. You just let the awkward silence settle until the Sokovian is out the door and you’re left alone with Yelena, Melina and Alexei. 

Seemingly remembering your injury, Yelena rushes to your side again and gently moves your hands away from your nose. You hiss in pain as she examines the damage closely.

“I think it’s broken,” she notes, eyes watery with unshed tears. “(Y/N), I’m so sorry, I didn’t think-”

“It’s okay,” you sound nasally. Ridiculous. “It’s okay, Lena.”

“I’m sorry about Natasha.” Melina snaps into mother mode in an instant. “Let me get you something for that.”

You wish everyone would stop apologizing. They shouldn’t be. This punch is very much well-deserved. If anything, this was an undrreaction by Natasha’s standards.

“It’s fine,” you reply uselessly, because Melina is already off to get medical supplies and Alexei is staring between you and Yelena with wide eyes.

“So… you two…?” He asks.

Shyly, you nod. Yelena seems relieved by this answer, releasing her hold on your cheeks to wrap her arms around you. 

“I’m getting blood on you,” you frown.

“I don’t care. I’m so sorry.” She kisses your forehead. “I shouldn’t have forced you to-”

“You didn’t force me to do anything,” you pull back from the embrace to look her in the eyes. “I wanted to do this. Well- not this, specifically.”

“She punched you in the face,” Yelena’s bottom lip trembles. The surefire sign that she’s about to start crying. Now your hands find themselves at her cheeks, thumbs smoothing away the tears just beginning to fall. You lean your forehead against hers. She looks terrified. 

“I know,” you sniffle, wincing at the pain the action causes. “It’s fine.”

“No, it’s-”

“Put this on your face,” Melina is holding a pack of frozen peas and a rag in her hands. You pull away from Yelena, accepting the objects. Melina grabs your forehead and tilts your head around, looking closely at your nose. “It doesn’t look too bad. Definitely broken, though.”

You let her manhandle your face, cleaning the blood off while Yelena says something about getting you a different shirt. She returns with one of her own, apparently not thinking about it, and she almost freezes when she gives it to you. You accept it gratefully and excuse yourself to the bathroom.

The second - the instant - the door shuts, it’s like everything crashes down around you. Natasha knows. Natasha knew. She had possibly been waiting for you to say something, which any good friend would have done. You’ve been lying to her. You never lied to her before. And the first lie you tell her is this. 

You are awful.

You try to keep the stupid sobs quiet when you change out of the bloodied shirt and press the rag to your nose. The blood is already starting to slow down, so that’s something, at least. Still, the pain of it is incomparable to the hollow aching feeling in your chest.

Your stupid phone starts to ring in your pocket. You take it out, answering in a stuffy-sounding tone. “Hello?”

“(Y/N)? Your father called me. He knows you're in Ohio.” Your mother doesn’t often sound worried for you - at least, not in any capacity that doesn’t come off as totally forced an artificial - but she sounds genuinely afraid. “What happened? Are you alright?”

“I’m fine, mom,” you look at yourself in the mirror, looking anything but fine.

“Stay inside.” 

“Okay.”

Pause.

“Are you sure you’re alright?”

“Mom, I don’t want to talk about it right now,” your voice wavers. You hate when she gets like this almost as much as you hate when she acts like you’re an ungrateful child. There’s always that stupid part of you that believes she’ll stay like this, stay like she cares, but you always - always - remember those months she left you behind. You’ll never forgive her for that. (Especially not when she won’t even admit that she’d done anything wrong.)

“Okay.” It comes out a little colder, but not quite what you’re used to. “Call me when you get back to college, okay?” 

“Yeah, sure,” you sigh. 

“I love you, (Y/N).” 

“Love you too, mom.” You hang up and take several slow breaths. You can’t hide forever. Time to find Natasha and face her. She’s already gotten the worst out of her system.

You wait until your cheeks aren’t as red and your eyes not as puffy, splashing some cold water on your face and carefully avoiding the areas that sting at any slight touch.

You turn the knob and almost slam right into Yelena. 

“You’re crying,” she says immediately.

You blink up at her. It hits you just how much you love her. It’s so intense, you’re nearly knocked off your feet. No matter what happens with Natasha - this, this, is worth it. She’s worth it. Natasha might never speak to you again, but losing Yelena is, at this point, unfathomable. This is your family. Yelena, Alexei, Melina - yes, Natasha, too. Even if she hates your guts forever.

Instead of explaining yourself, you just lean up to kiss her. It surprises her, you think, because she takes a beat longer to respond than usual. Kissing hurts a little, though, so you pull back and try to mask the pain. Of course, ever vigilant of your wellbeing, Yelena notices and holds the stupid pack of frozen peas to your nose with careful attention.

“I’m gonna talk to her,” you state softly, moving your hand to cover Yelena’s over the pack of peas. 

“I’ll come with you.” Yelena offers, but you shake your head.

“No. I have to talk to her alone.” 

Yelena looks ready to argue, but thinks better of it and nods hesitantly. “Fine. But… at least keep your phone with you.”

“She’s not gonna beat me to a pulp, Lena,” you laugh. “I think she got enough of her anger out with that one punch.”

“I’ll make her pay for that.” Yelena says darkly and you roll your eyes.

“No, it’s fine. I deserved that.”

“No-”

“We’ve been lying to her, Yelena. You know how she feels about lying.” You sigh. 

Yelena frowns, but doesn’t argue. 

When Melina deems your nose safe enough to travel with, you take off after Natasha. You know exactly where she’d be, because it’s where she always goes when she’s upset. The park isn’t far from her house, either.

Sure enough, she and Wanda are sitting on the old swing set, feet dragging idly on the mulch. When you approach, they stop talking and Wanda stands up. She makes some kind of excuse, but you don’t hear it as you wither under the glare of Natasha.

Hesitantly, you take the spot Wanda had once occupied and mindlessly move yourself back and forth. Natasha doesn’t speak, so you don’t either. You just sit in silence, your nose throbbing without the pack of peas.

Finally, Natasha breaks the silence: “Why didn’t you just tell me?”

You look at your feet, afraid of what emotions her face might show. “I was… scared. I thought you’d hate me, I guess.”

“I don’t hate you.” Those words are enough to make you weak with relief. You feel tears pricking at the corners of your eyes, but you shove them away and keep your gaze steadily downward. “But I’m pissed that you didn’t say anything.”

“She’s your sister, Nat,” you finally look up at her. She looks hurt. “I thought you’d assume the worst.”

“Why would I ever assume the worst with you?” Natasha shakes her head, exasperated. “Honestly, I had a feeling something was up when Carol told me you guys never hooked up. Yelena’s been acting happier than usual. Completely different from how she was when I left for college. Then I thought you were wearing her top, but she’s got so many stupid band shirts it’s hard to keep track…” She scoffs, almost amused. “I should have known, but I thought you’d at least be a decent friend and give me a heads up if you were even interested in Yelena.”

You cringe. “I know. I’m sorry. I really should have told you but it happened so fast-” you stop yourself, blushing furiously. “I thought it was just, y’know, for fun or whatever but-”

“Watch it,” Natasha warns, narrowing her eyes. “That’s my sister.”

“Right,” you croak. “I just- I thought I needed to just, scratch an itch. But it just didn’t go away, and I couldn’t stop thinking about her, and I felt so guilty because I knew hiding it from you was wrong but I didn’t know how to tell you and-”

“(Y/N),” Natasha holds up a hand and you flinch. The guilt on her face is gut-wrenching. She grabs the chain of her swing. “I don’t want you to ever feel like you can’t trust me. You’re my best friend. Of course I want you to be happy. And Yelena is my sister. I want her to be happy, too. I want you both to be with someone you deserve.” At your pained, fearful expression, she quickly adds, “And I do think you deserve each other. In the best way.” You let out a breath you didn’t know you’d been holding, and Natasha snorts. 

“Seriously,” she says, “Lena has had a crush on you since we were kids. I’m surprised it took this long to happen. I can see how much happier you make her, even if I didn’t know what the source of that happiness was ‘til now.”

“Nat-”

“Even you seem different.” She observes you with a new sort of expression, almost admiringly. “You seem lighter. When we reconnected, you were still the same lost kid who didn’t know what to do besides what her mom told her. I can see how much easier it is on you, now.”

You actually feel yourself crying. It’s so dumb, you hate crying in front of others. Natasha slides off of her swing to pull you into a hug. You return it happily, heart swelling.

“I’m sorry,” you mutter guiltily. “I should have told you. I knew the whole time that I should have told you. But I was a coward.”

“You were,” Natasha agrees. When she pulls back from the hug, she looks at your nose. “How’s your face?”

“Broken.”

“I’m not sorry.”

“That’s fair.”

Pause.

“But we’re okay?” You ask, just because you can’t ever get over the fear of losing someone you care about.

“We’re okay,” Natasha confirms. 

She returns to her swing.

It’s almost like when you were kids again.

- - - - -

The walk back to Natasha’s house was spent in companionable conversation. She asks you a little bit about your relationship and intentions with Yelena - she does, in fact, threaten your life if you dare break Yelena’s heart but you assure her that’s nowhere in the cards. You’re in it to win it, as far as you’re concerned, and Natasha agrees that you’ve already won it.

The entire family is waiting in the living room. They must have been talking before you returned, because the silence is unbearable. Finally, you tell them everything is fine, and they all seem to breathe a bit easier. Melina mentions always seeing you as a daughter, Alexei tells you he couldn’t approve more.

At the end of the night, you find yourself back in Yelena’s arms in her childhood bed.

In the darkness, your only focus is the steadying beat of her heart that always picks up when you lean your head against her chest. You can’t ever be certain what awaits you in the future - you don’t even care anymore. As long as you have her by your side, that’s all that matters.

“Yelena?” You ask. She hums. “I love you.”

The blonde wakes up enough to press a loving kiss to your forehead. “I love you, too.”

Maybe - just maybe - everything is going to turn out okay.

~part 3~

~~ Gen Tag List ~~

/To be added, let me know if you want to be tagged for all my works, a specific series, or a specific character <3

@nobody13​ @fireflyglass @swords-are-cool​ @artapdarkstr @pasta-bandit​ @multi-images​ @women-am-i-right​ @fanboy7794​

[all-you-need-is-paul-mccartney]

The Couple Next Door IX (Roger Taylor x Female!Reader)

Find Part Eight Here

A/N: Surprise! I’m briefly back from a year-long Hiatus and I have one chapter for TCND, one for ATU AND a George Harrison one-shot I’m just gonna drop and then probably disappear again for another few months. I’m also finding it even more difficult to write for Roger seeing as I’ve kinda been listening to nothing but The Beatles for the last fifteen months and I really only hear Queen at work, so that’s gotta change. But I am very sorry about the LONG wait. I really do appreciate you guys, and I think you’ve all waited quite long enough to find out what happens next...

Summary: Roger and Y/N spend the morning taking care of Bobby; they talk a little more about the future and come to the conclusion they both want the same thing.

(Let your imagination run free, bc this can be either Canon or Borhap!Roger)

WARNINGS: Swearing is probably a given at this point, self-doubt, mentions/ suggestions of sex (advise you to avoid if you’re under 18), and I usually revise when I’m stoned so there’s probably some typos in here too, sorry.

Rated T for Teen-- (I feel like a video game rating smh)

Bobby was crying again.

Granted, it was about seven in the morning, and he did sleep for the rest of the night.

Roger was the last of the both of you to wake up; not because of the crying-- he didn't even hear the crying-- but he was wrapped up in the blankets with you, and you were trying to remove yourself from his grasp.

"Don't leave," Roger grumbled as he pulled you tightly against his chest, eyes remaining closed as you whispered back to him.

"But I have to go. Baby's cryin'."

Roger loosened his grip on you, much to his dismay, and you slipped from his embrace, leaving him cold, and alone.

"Come back, Baby..." He really hoped his gravelly plea would entice you to return from the nursery after tending to Bobby, and although you were probably against having sex in your friends' bed, he figured there was no harm in testing the waters.

"That's not how that works when you have a baby, Rog. The day starts now."

Roger groaned in protest, but as he rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands, he revealed to himself that you were no longer in the room, and the baby's cries settled when he heard your voice float down the hall from the nursery room.

Roger, as much as he didn't want to, tossed the comforter off of his body, and after rising to his feet and combing his fingers through his hair, he shuffled out of the bedroom and made a beeline to the stairs.

He was glad he was familiar with John's kitchen; because he was certain you had no idea where anything was, meaning he would be the one preparing breakfast that morning, and the one following it, most likely.

Fuck it, he would (try to) cook you up seven different meals a day if you asked him.

Anything for you.

He put the kettle on, and moved to the pantry in search for John's teabags, yawning lightly as he pulled the door open.

Nothing in the pantry really stuck out to him as being a good breakfast that morning, so Roger ended up migrating to the fridge after retrieving the tea, where his eyes fell on the carton of eggs on the bottom shelf.

He settled on making French Toast for breakfast seeing as he, according to you, made the best French Toast in England.

So he got to work whipping up some eggs and pulling four slices of bread from the bread box on the counter-- but not before he got one of Bobby's bottles out for you, warmed it, and placed it on the kitchen table.

Roger was frying the French Toast in no time, and he hummed gently as he busied himself with focusing on the now whistling kettle, and when the right time to flip the toast would be.

"... I thought you were still in bed," your words were sudden, and it made Roger jump a little. But when he realized it was only you, Bobby in your arms, his mouth contorted into a dopey smile.

"Nah," Roger turned the pan's burner down a little, and after he flipped the French Toast, he set his spatula on the counter, turning to face you.

"I was gonna let you sleep in, since you were so reluctant on waking up," you explained with a yawn. "But here you are awake, and making breakfast before me."

"Well it wouldn't be fair then, would it? Me sleeping in while you've all this work to do?"

"I don't know, would it?"

"I really don't think so, Dove."

He felt pride swell in his chest when pink dusted your cheeks at the sound of your new nickname, and he took this chance to swoon you further by pulling you in gently by the elbows, and he enveloped both you and Bobby in his embrace.

"Beautiful..." Roger's voice was barely a whisper as he touched his lips to your jawline, and you responded with a soft exhale.

"Even when you've just woken up," Roger mumbled against the skin of your neck, lips curling into a smile, "you are the prettiest goddamned thing I've ever laid eyes on."

"Mmm, down, boy," you purred back jokingly, taking a small step back. "Baby still needs to eat."

"Well yours is coming right up," he teased, "and Bobby's is already at the table." Roger pointed to the bottle on the other side of the room before tapping your rear. "Take a seat, and I'll bring your food over."

You didn't have to be told twice. You took a seat at the table, and although Bobby was growing a little agitated, it was short lived when you put the bottle of milk in his possession.

Roger, not five minutes after you sat down, joined you at the table with your French Toast and your mug of tea, made just the way you liked it, of course.

"'S the right tea, yeah?"

You took a quick look at the label hanging from the mug.

"Yep." Your eyes squinted after letting the label fall where the string tied to it would let it. "Y'know, you've been making my tea right for months, you don't have to check to make sure you're right."

"You know I'm always gonna make sure it's to your liking."

"And I love you for it."

"Hopefully for other things too. I'm not just good at being your barista."

"Oh, don't you worry. I'm not overlooking your other good traits," you smiled as you brought your mug to your lips and having the first sip of tea of the day.

As Roger sat down next to you with his own plate of food and mug of tea, he decided to wait on Bobby to finish so he could eat with you.

So, naturally, he took the time to evaluate again what kind of situation he was in.

There was nothing like watching you care for Bobby. Roger had known you for years, and not once in his life did he ever think he would be sitting next to you at breakfast while feeding a baby, whether or not the child was his own, or yours.

The whole scene looked too good to be true, though like the previous night, Roger just drank in the sight of you putting all your love and care into a child at breakfast with him.

How did you think you weren't cut out for being a mother?

This was in your nature.

The domesticity of the situation made Roger a little emotional. This was the closest he'd ever gotten to experiencing a breakfast with a family he'd built, and he spent every passing second filling his mind and heart with the beautiful sight before him.

"Y/n, you would make a wonderful mother." Roger's words left his mouth faster than his brain could register what he'd said.

You looked to Roger from Bobby, cheeks and tips of your ears darkening, and Roger was talking again before he could realize it and catch himself.

"Any man would be so damn lucky to have you. I honestly can't believe you stick around me still."

Your face was feeling real hot, now. Roger's head was still lagging behind his words, and clearly, he wasn't done talking.

"You could be out building a beautiful family right now, but instead you're babysitting with your best friend who you also occasionally sleep with. I just... I don't understand."

It took you a second to respond, but Roger didn't blame you. Honestly, he didn't even know what he would have said if he were asked the same question.

"... Well, I love you, Roger."

Your words were simple, and Roger knew your statement was nothing but platonic, but that didn't stop his heart from pounding against his ribcage.

You'd said those exact three words to him minutes earlier, but the context of the conversations contrasted their meanings.

"But we promised each other at the beginning of all of this that we'd be fine giving up pursuing family life if that means living with one another..."

"... You sound unsure, now."

The atmosphere felt heavy, and it was almost as if Bobby had known making noise wasn't in his best interest. He decided to finish eating at the right time.

"... It's not that I'm unsure. It's just..."

Roger waited patiently for you to answer, but you had noticed Bobby finished his milk, and you took the bottle from him.

You burped him, and placed a pacifier you pulled from your pocket in Bobby's mouth. You must have gotten it from upstairs before you came down.

"Let me," Roger offered his arms out for the baby, and you let him take Bobby. You'd stood up and moved to the sink to wash the bottle.

Meanwhile, Roger, who'd also gotten to his feet, was slowly walking around the kitchen. He was praising Bobby for finishing all his breakfast, insisting he was so proud of him, his smile wide and gaze adoring as he evaluated the child in his arms.

"It's just that. There. The way you're behaving with him," you turn to face Roger, finger pointed at him. "The way you're treating him as your own."

Roger's mouth opened and closed a few times, but after shutting his jaw for the third time, he decided the best thing to do in this situation would be to keep quiet.

"You'd make the most wonderful father, Roger. The way you behave with Bobby, god, the way you behaved with Raymond the other day," you sounded frustrated, and all Roger could do was watch you pace the kitchen, his sheepish face now a deep red.

"It's just that I would want the father of my kids to be just like you. I wouldn't settle for anything less."

Roger opened his mouth again to speak. He felt like his chest was on fire. Your thoughts were becoming painstakingly parallel to his, Roger had noticed. He couldn't get any words out before you started speaking again.

"Like you said last night, this job is giving us a chance to experience what it'd be like to have a family... and maybe I'm upset I did throw the chance to have all of that away."

You looked like you were on the verge of tears, and all Roger could do was watch you and listen to what you had to say.

"Roger, I hope you know you will always have a special place in my heart. You're my family, you have been for the last five years of my life, and there's no doubt about it. But being able to have a child..."

Your hands ghosted over the robe's fabric covering your definitely unpregnant belly. "... I think I want to have children."

"... Y/n I hope you know I feel exactly the same way."

And then everything was clear.

Roger understood where his band was coming from.

Getting married to you would solve all your problems.

He knew what the both of you were thinking in this new moment of silence, but there was absolutely no way Roger was going to fall to one knee and propose to you right now when he wasn't even romantically involved with you.

And he just felt it would be very inappropriate if he took this moment to spontaneously ask you on a romantic date with the intentions of courting you.

"Listen, Y/n," Roger finally built up enough courage to break the silence. Bobby cut him off with a short cry, and Roger immediately started swaying the baby in his arms. Sure enough, Bobby's agitation ceased, and Roger could continue, keeping the movement going.

"Just because we're living together without families now doesn't mean we won't be able to have families, say, five to ten years down the road."

At this point, although it was necessary, Roger didn't really want to mention the discomfort he felt when imagining you falling for someone who wasn't him.

Your eyes were big and sad, lip pouted as you considered Roger's words. "... are you sure?"

The idea of you and him having to move out of the condo Roger risked the both of your love lives for didn't sit well with him.

You'd be gone making sweet love to some lucky asshole who probably didn't deserve to be in your presence, while Roger goes on a bender, gets ahold of some weed and coke, and sleeps with enough girls to distract him from realizing he'd thrown the best thing in his life away-- you.

He didn't want you to think he thought you were selfish. The last thing he needed right now was to feel guilty for making you feel guilty.

So he just nodded. "No house isn't forever anyways." When you didn't respond to his little joke, he sighed.

"Y/n, we're still so young. You don't have to commit yourself to anything like that just yet. Enjoy being able to go out drinking with me every weekend, and sleeping in on our days off. Your chance to start a family will come when the time is right."

You let out a shaky breath. Roger was actually a little surprised with how well you were keeping yourself together.

But his actions put the both of you here, and to see that this conversation nearly reduced you to tears had Roger drowning in guilt, even without the help of mentioning any of his inner conflict to you.

"I just hope you're right." Your voice was broken and your fingers were tangled stressfully in your hair.

"Hey," Roger's voice had gone soft again, his rocking slowing to a halt, and you looked up to find him with an open arm, awaiting your touch.

You slowly unravelled your fingers from your hair, and you gave into the hug not moments later. Roger pulled you to his chest tightly, his free arm occupied by the baby.

"Y'know... I made you French Toast to start the day off good." When you didn't say anything in response, Roger pulled away from you just enough to look you in the face.

He was giving you that same look he did at the Garrison's again; that unreadable gaze he'd achieved with those big blue eyes that seemingly bored holes into your very soul.

His free hand slipped up from your back to your neck, and he leaned in to just touch his lips to the corner of your mouth.

So close, yet so far away.

It wasn't before long that he pulled away from you, but Roger just couldn't keep his eyes off you.

"You come sit down and enjoy your French Toast, Dove. I've got Bobby."

"But--"

"Please?"

Roger knew he'd convinced you as soon as he said that magic word. Though you took a moment to look from the bundle in his arms to the breakfast you really were dying to dig into, you eventually sighed out a gentle "thank you," before taking your seat again at the table.

He came around and kissed the top of your head. "Enjoy, Honey." Roger took a seat next to you, Bobby still in his one arm, and the both of you ate your French Toast in relative silence for the first few seconds.

"... God, you really do make good French Toast, Blondie." Roger was smiling now. At least you were talking again.

"I only improved my cooking skills for you, y'know," he admitted with a mouthful of his food, though he didn't sound ashamed of it.

"And thank God for that. Cooking every other night sure beats cooking every night."

"You can say that again," Roger mumbled before shoving the last of his breakfast into his mouth. You still slowly ate away at your meal, and Roger was making funny faces at Bobby in between taking sips of his tea.

The telephone in the living room started ringing, and you stood up to go get it, but Roger immediately dropped his fork and grabbed your wrist.

"Nuh-uh. I just finished eating. You still have a little bit to go. Take Bobby and I'll get it." You scooped the baby up without another word, smiling when he opened his eyes.

"Can you at least bring back his rattle from his play pen?"

"Can do, Princess," he called over his shoulder as he approached the phone.

"H'lo?"

"Roger?"

"Oh, hey, John!" Roger tucked the phone's handset under his chin, carrying the telephone in his left hand so he could get Bobby's rattle.

"Isn't it a little early to be up?" Roger glanced at the clock, which read that it was quarter after seven.

"Biological clocks. Just wanting to checking in. Is Bobby okay? Has he been any trouble?"

"No, of course not! He's doing fine, John." Roger tucked the rattle in his back pocket when he found it, and returned to the writing desk where the phone was meant to stay.

That was something he loved about you. You always bought him pyjamas with pockets. The concept was cool, and being able to use them was even cooler.

"Y/n's got him in the kitchen right now," he explained, taking the handset again with his now free hand. "We're all just finishing up breakfast, actually."

"Oh good. How is she?" John paused for a second, his voice dropping a little lower. "... How are you guys?"

Roger made sure his voice was a little quiet, as well. "John, this may have been your guys' best idea ever. I don't know why I was against this in the beginning."

"Really?! What's happened already?!" John, everyone would have guessed to be one to avoid certain kinds of gossip, though when it came to Roger's business with you, he liked checking up on that.

"I told her about all that family stuff."

"And?"

"And, well..." Roger set the phone back onto the desk and scratched the back of his neck. "... She may or may not be having the same problem," he mumbled.

"So... so you both want a family?" John tried clarifying.

"Yes."

"Then why are you two not together?!" Roger slipped away around the corner into the main hall with just the receiver so he was a little further away from the kitchen. He didn't want you hearing their conversation, or John through the receiver.

"Well I'm not asking her here!"

"Then where? And when?"

Roger knew John was just getting excited, and his questions honestly had Roger brainstorming every possibility when it came to asking you.

"... I don't know, yet," Roger said after a while of thinking. "But soon. God, it needs to be soon." He didn't quite know why he was pressuring himself to ask you sooner than later.

Maybe it was because he was scared someone much better and more deserving of you (or alternatively, a selfish prick) was going to waltz in and steal you from him just before he had you for sure.

"Do you need any help with that part? I can get Fred and Bri--"

"No no no, it's okay, John." Roger leaned up against the wall of the hallway, fingers tapping the handset absentmindedly with his eyes squeezed shut for a moment.

"You guys have already done enough, really. I... I think I'm good on my own from here."

"Well, I'm glad," John expressed to Roger. "It's not every day you need to help Roger Taylor get with a girl, y'know."

"This is different, and you know it."

"I just like to tease," John defended, and Roger could even hear a smile evident in his words.

"Anyways, Veronica and I will be home tomorrow around noon. Y/n's got our number. You two take care."

"Of course, you too," Roger was making his way back to the writing desk.

"Thanks. Oh, and Roger?" John added quickly.

"Hm?"

"If you two end up doing anything, for God's sake, please wash the sheets."

As John was speaking, you'd walked into the living room with Bobby in your arms. "We're gonna go and have some play time, now! Yes we are!"

Roger was too panicked by your presence to even realize you weren't paying any attention to the phone call, and he hoped to God you didn't hear a single thing John had said. "Yeah-yes! Laundry. Will do."

He nodded his head once, though John couldn't see him, and after saying their good byes, Roger hung up the phone.

He turned to where you were in the living room. You were looking in the play pen for something, and Roger suddenly remembered the rattle in his back pocket.

He pulled it out hurriedly and held it out to you. "Shit! I'm so sorry about that--"

"Don't swear, Roger," you took the rattle, a smile on your lips you both knew you were trying to frown away. "There's a baby here."

"What? He doesn't know what that word means."

"Well, the more you keep saying it, the more of a chance he has at that being his first word, and I do not need the Deacon Family hunting us down for teaching their kid swears." You looked from Roger down to Bobby, shaking the rattle gently and grinning when Bobby squealed happily and reached out for the toy.

You took a seat on the couch, and played around with Bobby while Roger went back to the kitchen to do the dishes.

From 7:30 AM to about 2:30, all that really happened was play-time and lunch, something Roger prepared. You offered to do the dishes, but Roger wouldn't allow it. He just suggested you put Bobby up for his nap. He'd fallen asleep in your arms during play-time, like he did with Roger the night before.

The both of you thought it was crazy Bobby would just fall asleep rather than cry, but honestly, neither of you were complaining. Quiet baby for the win!

Roger just finished putting the last plate on the drying rack on the counter as he listened above for your footsteps leaving Bobby's room. He dried his hands off with the dishtowel hanging over his shoulder after turning off the faucet.

From behind, Roger felt a pair of arms slowly circle his body, and he smiled warmly at the feeling of you pressed against his back.

"He asleep?"

"Mhm."

Roger's smile only widened as you inched your palms up his chest. He turned in your arms and pressed his hands against your hips, inching you closer as he leaned back against the kitchen sink.

"Well, what do we do, now?" Roger asked. He sounded like he was up to no good. With the sultry look in his eyes and the way the smile on his lips looked like he was repressing a naughty suggestion, he knew you knew he already had something on his mind.

"Well, I mean," your hands slipped up into Roger's long hair, fingers tangling themselves between the strands. "Anything, really."

You knew what game Roger was playing, and you loved how cute he was, thinking he was going to have you on your knees for him.

His eyes shamelessly raked over the top half of your body, and he squeezed his hands, still at your hips.

"What'll you be doing with your free time, Roger?" You took one more step closer to him, and he pulled you the rest of the way to him so your groin was flush with his.

"I'm looking right at her."

He was already strained against his jeans, and you just offered a smile, fingers tightening their grip in Roger's hair.

"Mmm... I kinda like the sound of that," you admitted lowly, half of a smile on your lips. You shifted your hips from side to side, and Roger tried to pull you even closer.

You rolled your hips against Roger again, and the cheekiness in his face fell with a look of long-awaited relief, and his head dropped to your shoulder.

One of his hands moved up to grab you by the back of your neck, and when he lifted his head to look at you again, his second hand dragged upwards from your hip to squeeze your waist.

Roger lifted the hand by your neck, and combed your hair back with his fingers. His eyes fell onto yours for a brief moment, and you could have sworn there was something he tried to tell you there.

You just couldn't read him.

But he didn't care. He pulled you in close again, and his lips were on yours.

You'd kissed Roger before. Not in public, but definitely in the bedroom. And they weren't very scarce. Honestly, if Roger's lips weren't somewhere else on your body, they'd be on yours.

But why was this feeling different from all the other times he'd kissed you?

He was being a lot less forceful and needy than he usually was.

His grip wasn't tight on you, and it wasn't like he was crushing you against him as if indicating he needed more of you, now.

He was holding you rather, and the hand at your waist circled around to press against your lower back. The hand on your neck shifted a little forward so Roger could gently slide the pad of his thumb down the column of your throat.

The both of you were holding your breath, and Roger was the first to pull away. The both of you sucked in some air, and before you could even draw in a full breath, Roger's lips were on yours again.

He pushed towards you, guiding you backwards until your back was flat against the refrigerator. His warm hands grabbed for yours and he pinned them above your head by your wrists.

Okay. This, was something you were used to. But there was nothing that could have prepared you for when Roger's hands loosened their grip on your wrists, and he was lacing his fingers between your own.

Your hands felt very small in Roger's. How had he never noticed that before? What else had he neglected to realize about you?

In that moment, he felt you pull away to breathe, and he looked down at you worriedly, fingers frozen, yet still laced with yours.

"I- uh... I-I'm sorry--"

"No no, don't be. It's okay," your response was very rushed, but you didn't skip a word.

There was about a minute of silence, your hot breaths mingling in the space between your lips, though your gazes were locked with one another, and you couldn't look away.

"Did-uh... did you want me to... to stop?" His question was gentle, almost sincere-sounding, but he still made no effort to move from his place.

"No. God, no." And as soon as you'd answered, Roger closed the space between the both of you again, his fingers unwound from yours to grab you by the jaw, and you just held his waist, pushing your body as close to him as he would let you.

He shifted around a little, and moved his leg between yours. You could feel his mouth bend into a smirk against yours, and he began to apply pressure to the apex of your legs with his knee.

Before long, as much as you wanted to resist it, you fell to Roger's submission, and as you waited for him to grab your waist and put you wherever, he hesitated for a second, and dropped his hands from yours.

You opened your eyes again to find Roger, face red, and staring at your chest. Not in an ogling way, but more of a method to avoid looking you in the eye.

He could tell you were looking at him, and he shifted his gaze to you. He itched at his hands awkwardly, mouth opening and closing as he tried to explain himself.

You just waited. You gave him time to think, and he had an answer for you sooner than either of you would have thought.

"I just... I wanna try something else. I don’t want to control you like I do every night."

It wasn't much of an explanation, but a good beginning to a demonstration.

"Will you come to bed with me, Y/n?" His offer was gentle, yet confident, despite offering a hand out hesitantly.

When you dropped your hand into his, all of the tension in Roger's being relaxed, and he quietly led you up the stairs, past the nursery, and into John and Veronica's room.

Before you could say anything he gently explained that he'd do laundry later, and then he pulled you in for another kiss he'd been waiting to give you since the last one.

Roger pulled you closer to him, hands cupping your face as his lips began to desperately chase after yours. You kissed Roger back with just as much vigor, but then he slowed the movements of his mouth, and guided you backwards until the back of your legs hit the edge of the bed.

Roger helped lower you down onto the bed, and he leaned over you, dipping down to kiss your lips again. He knelt between your legs, and pulled them up around his waist so he could lean in even closer.

You felt his hands squeeze your hips, and he pulled at your bottom lip with his teeth. You hummed lowly, your eyelashes kissing your cheeks as Roger pulled away ever so slightly-- just enough to pull his shirt off of him, and close the distance between your bodies again.

You tangled your hands into his hair, and he hummed in approval before pulling back just once more.

"I'm sure that's hardly fair..."

"What?"

"This," Roger tugged gently at the hem of your shirt.

"Why's yours still on?"

"... I never said it had to be."

Roger exhaled, and slowly pulled your shirt up over your head after you raised your arms to help him out a little.

He placed the palm of his hand over the smooth skin of your belly as he stared at your bare torso. And before long, he dipping down to kiss you again.

You reciprocated his actions, wrapping your arms around his neck and tightening your legs around his hips, to which he rocked himself against your core, and then---

Bam!

The headboard hit the wall, and Bobby woke up.

"Nooo..." you squeezed your eyes shut as the baby's cries began to reverberate down the hallway.

"Fuck!" Roger groaned, eyebrows knitted together helplessly as he climbed off of you. You both knew it was Roger who technically woke the baby up, and it was just silently agreed on that he went to put him back down.

"Dammit to hell, those separated headboards."

Roger opened the nursery door, and made his way to the crib in the corner of the room. Bobby's cheeks were wet with tears, and Roger's heart sank. "'M sorry, little guy. C'mere. Come see uncle Roger."

He picked the baby up and rocked him back and forth, though it wasn't exactly doing much, so Roger took a seat in the rocking chair on the opposite side of the room, swaying the both of them with a push of his feet.

Bobby's cries settled, and Roger felt proud of himself. Sure, he wanted to get back to what he was doing before, but instead he took his time in making sure Bobby was comfortable and not in need of anything before he drifted off to sleep again.

Bobby played around with Roger's fingers a few moments after his agitation ceased, and he couldn't believe how large his hands were in comparison to Bobby's. He was once that size.

A little while later Roger set Bobby down in his crib, and the infant was out. The drummer smiled at his accomplishment. He didn't even need your help.

With that, he left the room without a sound.

He stepped into John and Veronica's room, and closed the door quietly behind him. He was in the middle of turning on his heel when he stopped dead in his tracks.

You'd taken some of the pillows off the bed and wedged them between the wall and the headboard to keep the bed from making noise.

You were also splayed out on the bed in a lot less clothing than he remembered you in when he left.

With a teasing beckon from your finger, Roger knew three things were for certain.

1. You were the smartest woman he knew.

2. You were the most gorgeous woman he'd ever laid eyes on.

3. He, the Roger Taylor, had fallen madly, and helplessly in love with you.

-------------------------------------

A/A/N: Again, you’ve all been waiting long enough for the next chapter, so here you are. i hope you all enjoy, and if my response is great with this one, I’ll see if I can spit out another one soon <3

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[irrelevantwriter]

Three’s Company

Pairing: Negan x Female Reader/You, Jim Hopper x Female Reader/You

Rating: Explicit, NSFW

Warnings: threesome dynamics (M/F/M), language, daddy kink (majorly), oral sex (female and male receiving), unprotected vaginal sex, anal sex (female receiving), mention of bodily fluids, female ejaculation, Jim Hopper and Negan in the same room (its explosive), just lots of smut…like a lot

Word Count: 6.9K

Summary: Your coworkers decide to pop in for a late night visit.

A/N: This is a request fulfillment for the lovely @spacenerd96! Thank you for being so patient! I was blown away by this request bc I knew it had the potential to send us all to hell in a blaze of flames, lol. I wanted you all to ring in the new year with two of our favorite men. I really wanted to stay true to their individual characters while playing off each other, which was entertaining and interesting for two alpha men like Hopper and Negan. I hope I didn’t disappoint. The length is absurd, but I didn’t think you guys would mind. Plus, the smut is so ridiculously filthy that I think it more than makes up for it. Enjoy and share with your friends!

*Masterlist in bio.

**********************

You wake with a start, wondering what it was that pulled you from sleep. Your room is dark still, nothing appearing to be out of place. A knock on your door alerts you to the source of the interruption. Your bleary eyes look to the clock on your nightstand, noting the late hour. It’s after midnight and the thought of someone at your door makes your body tense and the hair on the back of your neck stand up.

You very slowly make your way out of the comfort of your bed and pad softly to the front door. You listen closely, waiting for the person on the other side to suddenly barge through the wood and demand all your money.

It doesn’t happen.

Another knock reverberates throughout the apartment and you jump, startled by the sound. You quietly press yourself against the door and look through the peephole, careful to not let your accelerated breathing give you away. Two hulking male figures barely fit into the visible space. You can’t make out their faces that well, though you can tell one is dark haired and the other has lighter strands. They appear to be arguing, but you can’t make out the specifics of what they’re saying.

Suddenly, the darker haired man is looking right into the peephole, his impossibly white-toothed grin making you jump back.

“Doll? You in there?”

You roll your eyes, the identity of the men suddenly very apparent.

“Fuck off.” You call through the door, knowing that nothing good was going to come from this little late night visit.

“Not fucking likely.” Negan drawls, his voice making your skin simultaneously tingle and crawl. He often had that dual effect on you and you despised it. You really wish your body would catch up to your mind and hate the fucking guy.

“Come on, sweetheart...” This voice is different, but causes the same reaction as the first.

The two men outside your door couldn’t be more dissimilar, and yet they possess qualities that make you hate both of them equally. Working with them was a nightmare and you tried to limit those interactions as much as possible, but with your partner still being out on medical leave, you’d been teamed with the asshole detective squad of the department. It was turning out to be a real joy.

“What the fuck are you two idiots doing at my place so late?” You question harshly, hoping to avoid casual chit-chat.

“Bathroom.” Jim Hopper responds, but you can hear the laughter in his voice. You swear you could hear Negan snicker in response.

It dawns on you why they’re there…why they’re acting so fucking strange. You pull the door open with the chain still in place. The only part of you that’s visible is your face as you shoot daggers at your unwelcomed visitors slash dickhead coworkers.

“Are you drunk?”

Both men are clearly relaxed, a rare sight for the two homicide detectives. Negan is grinning, though he seems to do that a lot. It’s a tactic he likes to use with suspects and women alike. The cocky bastard. Jim is smiling, but his isn’t as grandiose as Negan’s. His face is more tranquil than you’ve ever seen it. His brow isn’t furrowed and there’s no trace of the frown lines that make him so recognizable around the station.

“We aren’t drunk. Relax.” Jim replies with a wave of his hand. He’s brushing off your question and the action makes you seethe with anger.

“But you’ve been drinking?” You try again, not concealing the irritation in your voice.

“We went to the pub just down the street. What the fuck is the name of it again?” Negan stops and looks to Jim for help. Jim rolls his eyes as if he’s had to remind Negan of the name on multiple occasions throughout the evening.

“Astor’s.” He supplies flatly.

“Right, we went there and decided to come visit our other partner in this fucked up threesome we got going on.”

You fought against the need to roll your eyes, legitimately afraid that they would get stuck that way. “For what reason?”

“A cup of coffee?” Jim asks, a pleading lilt oozing from his words. It’s a bizarre sound coming from his bearded lips.

They’re both looking at you with some distorted version of puppy dog eyes. Its comical, but also starting to have the desired effect. The men are handsome and the alcohol does nothing to dampen that. Jim is dressed casually in a brown jacket, a blue flannel, and dark jeans. His notorious hat is perched on his head, the accessory a staple of his. Next to him, Negan is encased in black. He’s sporting his infamous leather jacket, along with a black t-shirt and black jeans. They’re both dressed how you’ve seen them a million times, but the late hour and casualness of their visit makes you appreciate the attire in an entirely different way.

You sigh, pressing the bridge of your nose with your fingers. You can feel a headache coming on and you know you aren’t going to get rid of them. So in hopes of making them disappear faster, you acquiesce.

You shut the door and undo the chain, opening it once again without the barrier. You stand back and allow both men to enter, their massive frames making the space feel significantly smaller. You usher them into the living room while you start a pot of coffee, eager to get them out and on their way.

“Nice place you got here, doll.” Negan compliments with a wink. The action makes a bashful warmth coat your body, but you do your best to hide it.

“Thanks.” You reply blankly, watching as the two roam your place. Jim is quiet, but he usually is. Negan is the appointed mouthpiece of the duo and the man takes his part seriously. He never seems to shut the fuck up. Meanwhile, Jim walks around the station with a permanent scowl on his face. You aren’t sure how they play the “good cop, bad cop” routine because they’re both fucking dicks a majority of the time.

“You live alone, right?” Jim asks from his spot near the window. He’s looking down at the street, but his eyes find yours quickly. You nod, recognizing his careful scan of the surroundings. It was what every person of the law did when in a new place and you expected nothing less from the brooding giant.

“Kinda dangerous, isn’t it?” Negan questions, though the taunt in his tone is apparent. He’s smiling like a wolf who’d just laid eyes on Little Red Riding Hood. You watch as he licks his lips, ogling your body with a noticeable hunger. You shiver under his fiery gaze, belatedly realizing your attire. You wore a tank top with tiny shorts, your breasts free from the confines of a bra. Your nipples are peaked against the thin material, both from the chill in the air and the intense stare of each man.

You cross your arms and move to cover yourself with the blanket lying across your couch when Negan stops you. His arm is out and preventing you from moving forward. You stare up at him, your annoyance apparent.

“You come here just to make my life a living hell?” You ask, an eyebrow arched in demand.

Negan chuckles, clearly enjoying your fury. He’s in your personal space and you swallow thickly against the onslaught of emotions that follow. He’s so close you can feel his body heat, smell his scent. It makes your head suddenly fuzzy with desire and want. He throws Jim a look that clearly says a thousand things, but you understand none of it. Movement at your back makes you tense before you realize its Jim, his enormous body lining up with yours just as closely. You tense as they box you in, sucking the air from the room.

“What are you guys doing?” You ask breathlessly. You’d intended the question to come out harsher, but their proximities to your scantily clad body have you jumbled.

“Just taking a closer look, doll.” Negan rasps, his hand drifting to your cheek.

You tense at the feel of him on your skin, but soon relax when he cradles your face. A delicate trace of fingertips against your naked shoulders makes you shiver. Words fail you. Your protests die in your throat as they surround you with warmth and sensuality.

“Nothing to say to that, sweetheart?” Jim teases into your ear. His baritone voice lights a fire in your veins. His chest rumbles against your back and you lean into him slightly, yearning for more.

“I think we finally got her to shut the fuck up.” Negan chuckles, his fingertips now dancing along your collarbone.

“Fuck you.” You grit out, unable to remain quiet against their taunts.

Their combined laughter makes your lower body hum. The sound should irritate you. Instead, it makes your restrained lust soar to untamable heights. But you were going to fight them every step of the way.

“We gotta break you in. That mouth is far too uncontrolled, baby girl.” Jim murmurs against your hair.

You close your eyes against the many sensations, succumbing to whatever the fuck they were intent on doing. It felt entirely too good to stop.

“Yeah, bet that pussy needs to be broken in too? Right, doll?” Negan’s words make a moan sail past your lips, your brain too muddled in desire to catch it. Your thighs clench and your pussy literally weeps. His fingers are now tracing over your clothed covered breasts, teasing your nipples into almost painful peaks. You arch your chest into his touch while trying to push your ass against Jim’s crotch.

“You sure are needy all the sudden.” Jim growls as his hands now fully palm your ass.

Negan chooses that moment to grasp your breasts, sending your body into ecstasy. You whimper as their hands caress your body in tandem, pulling sounds you didn’t even know were possible from your lips. You can feel the dampness of your shorts between your legs, their teasing not a necessity in that moment.

“Please…” You beg, head thrown back against Jim’s chest. They both feel sturdy against your pliable form, manipulating your body how they pleased. They’re your puppet masters and you’re their willing participant.

“Please what?” Negan prods, fingers now playing with the delicate straps of your shirt. Jim’s heavy hands are still massaging your ass through your shorts, his exploratory movements taking him just inside, his flesh skimming the underside of your ass.

You aren’t exactly sure what it is you’re begging for, but you know it’s more…more of them. More of them touching you. More of them using you.

“Sweetheart, the man asked you a question. Fucking answer it.” Jim demands into your neck, his whiskers prickling your skin. His touch becomes harsh, matching the tone in his words as he gropes you.

You flinch at the sudden shift, but your pussy prays for more, your life’s blood manically pumping to the lower half of your body. You feel the throbbing and swelling of your lips, your clothing doing little to conceal your frenzied state. Their touch is pulsing with an electrical charge you can’t ignore. It pulls you in, entrapping you in a web of unrecognized desire. They’ve joined forces to make your starved body beg them for more. Beg them for something you weren’t even aware you wanted so damn badly.

“Please, touch me.” You whisper. Your chest is pushed out, urging Negan to continue touching you. Both men had eased their assault when you’d refused to answer. Without it you’re struggling to stand still, body thrumming with pent up energy.

“Touch you where?” Negan asks against your lips. You look into his penetrating gaze, getting lost in a trance. Your rational mind is no longer present. Your primal instincts are taking over, the desperate need to be taken and filled by two alpha men striking a chord with your femininity. You know its basic and animalistic, and you want nothing more than to submit yourself to it and them.

So you do.

“Everywhere.” You respond breathily, enjoying the way Negan’s eyes devour you, as if you’re the answer to all his prayers. And while they hold the authority in the room, you hold the power. Every ounce of it belongs to you. And its centered between your thighs.

“Does it hurt, doll?” Negan’s whiskey-tinged breath fans across your face as his fingers trail down your chest and hover over the place you need them the most.

Jim is back to torturing you with his thick fingers, the digits getting braver with each pass as he barely makes contact with your aching lips. You know he can feel the wetness there. There’s no way he hasn’t. The mess has already started to trail down your thighs.

“Yes.” You dutifully reply.

“Need your Daddies to soothe that ache for you?” Negan provokes, stoking the fire that burned intensely within.

Your walls clamped around nothing at his words, your body fully aroused by the idea of both men dominating you. You hear Jim chuckle darkly at Negan’s statement, his fingers now tracing over your clothed-covered slit from behind. The material is soaked and becoming trapped between your swollen lips. You try to grind against him, needing to be filled by something.

“Use your words, sweetheart.” Jim warns. His hand pulls at your shorts, sending the fabric up and into your slit. The friction against your clit causes you to cry out in what sounds like pain, but is actually feverish pleasure.

“Yes, yes…fuck, yes…” You chant as masculine hands begin to strip your clothes off. You move with them as they tear your tank top off, exposing your breasts to the charged air. You step out of your shorts as they pull them down your hips and thighs, the breeze of their movements making goosebumps appear on your skin.

You’re bare to them. You don’t shrink back in fear or nerves. You simply do what your body screams at you to do. You grab at Negan’s leather jacket and pull his mouth to yours. Your lips are forceful against his, inviting him to savor all of you. You taste the whiskey on his tongue and a hint of mint, the flavor unique but addicting.

Suddenly, a hand at the back of your head makes you wince as they pull, ripping you away from his warmth. You blink several times and are surprised to find it’s Negan who’s stopped you. There’s an evil glint to his eyes as they move from you, to the man at your back. Another silent conversation you aren’t privy to.

“You don’t listen for shit, do you?” Negan sneers, the cruelty in his tone making your pussy throb. His hand is still attached to your hair, tugging at the roots so that it burns. You mask the pain, biting your bottom lip to keep from calling out.

“We’re the ones in charge here, doll. We’re the ones calling the shots. Not you.”

If it was possible, your walls literally flood. You feel a small tremor pulse through your body, the sheer indication of what was about to take place enough to make you almost cum. You wordlessly nod and relax slightly when he releases his hold. A hand grips your upper arm, not hard enough to cause pain, but enough to remind you whose game this was.

“Bedroom. Now.” Jim orders gruffly, yanking at your arm in the process. You’re shoved towards the hall where they expect your bedroom to be. You obey, bare feet walking carefully as two predators stalk you from behind.

Your bed is disheveled from your movements only minutes before; when you were expecting an intruder and not two men who you’d be calling Daddy by the next morning. You turn to face them and watch as they enter, their intimidating stares making you feel like a goldfish behind glass. You wait as Negan inches closer, removing his leather jacket in the process. It lands with a heavy thud near your nightstand, his tattooed arms now visible and calling out to you.

“Hop says I can have you first. You good with that, baby girl?”

It’s a demand masked as a question. For fear that they’d put a stop to your fun, you nod in response.

“What was that?” Negan asks with a hand to his ear. Even in your overwhelmingly aroused state, you have to fight to roll your eyes at his theatrics. But you’d also be lying if you said you didn’t enjoy it somewhat.

“Yes…” You wait a beat, eyeing the two men. Negan is almost to you, his body ready to pounce in case you decide to disobey. Jim watches silently from his perch near the door, his arms crossed and eyes hooded.

“Daddy.”

The word causes an instantaneous reaction from both men. Negan smiles wide, licking his lips like the cat who ate the canary. Jim’s own mouth twitches as he sucks in a breath, his eyes never shifting but approving of your obedience. You inwardly gloat.

“I cannot wait to break that pussy in.” Negan closes the distance between you, fingers brushing the uncomfortable ache that has settled between your thighs.

You whimper and do your best to silently beg him for more. You jut out your bottom lip in a pout. You look at him through your lashes while almost imperceptibly edging your lower body closer to his.

“You need it bad, don’t you?”

“Yes, Daddy.” You reply without hesitation, hoping you’re going to be rewarded for your good behavior.

“On your back.” He gestures with his chin to the bed behind you.

You step backwards until you feel the mattress at your legs. You sit and gracefully slide up the bed, propping yourself up on your elbows. In this position, they have a clear visual of your nude form.

“Open those beautiful thighs, doll.”

You do so slowly, enjoying the way they’re tracking your movements. You fight against the instinctual pull to close them and surge ahead. You shift against the sheets beneath you, craving any sort of friction. The action is not lost on either man.

“Would you look at that. Nice and wet. Just like I like ‘em.” Negan says, a mixture of mischief and awe laced within his words. He’s stalking towards you, the prominent outline of his cock pressing against the zipper of his denim. He rubs himself absentmindedly and you close your legs immediately, rubbing them together.

“Keep ‘em open, sweetheart.” Jim orders from his spot near the door.

You comply, teeth gnawing into your bottom lip. Your fingers grip the sheets, struggling to keep control. Your skin is already peppered with sweat, the force of your resistance taking its toll.

“Bet you’re tight as fuck too. Aren’t you, doll?”

Negan’s knee hits the mattress as he hovers over you. His hand makes contact with your knee, spreading you open wider and displaying your glistening lips to the room.

“Yes, Daddy.” You moan out, pleased to feel his body heat again.

He leans down between your thighs, inhaling you as his fingers spread you open. “Fucking perfect.”

His mouth is on you before you can comprehend it. His tongue dives into your entrance immediately, tasting your slickened walls. You cry out and arch up into him, fingers tangling in his thick hair. You pull at the roots as he sucks harshly at your clit, making you yelp.

“Want me to stop?”

His beard is already smeared with your juices, his lips wet as he licks you from them.

“No. Please don’t.” You unabashedly beg, trying not to push his head back down.

“Didn’t think so.”

Your limbs contort around his head, fighting to catch that fleeting sensation and ride it. His fingers probe you, teasing as he circles your clit before burying two knuckle deep. He’s massaging your inner walls as your hips follow his thrusts. You can feel the end already near and you almost hate that it built so fast. You start to move faster on his fingers, ready to give yourself over.

“You close, sweetheart?” Jim asks, his voice tethering you back to reality.

You nod frantically, breaths coming out in quick pants as Negan continues to orally assault you.

“I don’t think she should cum yet.” Jim suggests to his counterpart, face still a mask of stoicism.

You whine aloud at his words, unable to fathom the thought of not getting the release you so desperately crave.

Negan only laughs darkly against you, his beard and lips glistening with your slick. “I agree. She’s still got some fight left in her.” He breathes out, gaze daring you to protest.

“No, no…I’ll behave, please.” You plea to your sexual tormentors. Your elbows are starting to ache from your position and your lower half thrums with barely contained energy. You feel like you’re in some sort of fever dream, your mind only consumed by one thing…getting off.

Negan says nothing as he goes back to fucking you with his long fingers. He tests your allegiance by bringing you to the edge over and over again, but never allowing you to crest that mountain. It continues to build inside of you; it’s practically an entity now it’s so overpowering. Your forehead is slick with sweat and your entire body aches, but you beg for more.

A caress to your cheek makes you open your eyes against the onslaught of overstimulation to your clit. Blue eyes are staring down at you, a glint of self-satisfaction radiating in them. You lean into Jim’s touch, praying he’d have sympathy. His lips lift into a smirk as he runs a calloused finger over your mouth, your lips immediately taking him in. You swirl the appendage against your tongue, mimicking the motions of Negan’s own deathly tongue on your pussy.

“On your knees. Face down, ass up.” Negan suddenly orders, breaking away from you. You blink away some of the delirium, forcing your limbs to comply.

You move slowly, all of your blood seemingly seeped from your brain and limbs and pumping to your swollen cunt. You hear the clinks of belt buckles and your turn to see Negan undoing his pants, his hazel eyes fixed on your ass. You lean down and arch your back, letting him see inside of you, letting him see what awaits him.

“Fuck, doll.” He growls in response, tugging at his impressive cock. The stiff muscle is veiny and practically pulsing in his hand, precum already dotting the head. His size should make you hesitate, but you’re too far gone to care.

You feel Negan’s shirt at your back, the heated flesh of his cock now rubbing deliciously up and down your slit. You can feel your walls nearly reaching out to grab him, desperate to be filled to the brim and then some. A hand pulls at your hair, angling your face up. Jim is standing at the edge of the bed, his own cock out and bobbing dangerously close to your lips. He’s thicker than Negan and just as remarkable. His meaty hand is pumping at himself, pulling cum to the tip so that it wets your lips.

“Open up, baby girl. Let us in.” Jim finally says, a nod passing between the two men.

Your mouth opens the moment Negan thrusts inside, the strangled sound leaving you as Jim’s cock enters. You try to focus on sucking his cock, but the one splitting you in half makes it difficult. Negan doesn’t go slow or let you get used to the burn that spreads through your inner walls. He’s aggressive and hard, and so very deep.

“Goddam that is a tight fucking pussy. She’s sucking me in.” Negan groans, his hips slapping hard against your ass. You can hear the sound of the flood coating him between your legs, the feel of it running down your thighs and soaking the bed.

“No slacking, sweetheart. Lemme fuck that mouth.” Jim demands, not letting you have a moment. He holds the back of your head as you hum around him, loosening your throat to make room. He tastes salty. And you want more of it.

Saliva falls down your chin as you let him thrust deeper. You concentrate on breathing through your nose. The brutal pounding on your pussy makes it hard to focus on anything else and you can feel the ecstasy escalating, careening you to the forbidden.

“Can I cum, Daddy?” You ask the room, not caring who decides to answer you. Jim’s cock is poised at your lips, running along the seam of them as you look up with pleading eyes.

Jim’s eyes cut to Negan behind you. He’s stopped thrusting, but he’s still stretching you, swelling with each second. A harsh slap to your ass makes you jump.

“Fuck yourself on my cock. Make yourself cum.” Negan orders. He remains unmoving as you begin to slide yourself along him. You let your head hang, focusing on building that addictive sensation up again, the one you’d been denied.

“Shit, just like that…” Negan moans, hands spreading your ass to watch. “You’ve creamed all over my cock.”

You moan loudly at his words, your hips starting to move faster. You can still feel Jim nearby, but he’s no longer holding his cock towards you. Instead, he’s running his own hand over himself, eyes glued to your writhing body as you got yourself off.

“Fuck, baby girl.” You hear Jim curse lowly.

It’s amazing what just their voices can do to you. They propel you further into space, making your walls flutter and your limbs tense. You don’t even have to touch your clit, your body beyond ready to release. You move with everything that you have, each sensation pushing you closer. There’s a powerful difference in what’s rushing through your body. It’s something you’ve never felt before and you aren’t quite sure what it means. But something tells you to ride it out. Something tells you to keep going, despite the small twinge of discomfort. And you do. You move until that coil snaps.

Warmth. That’s all you feel as you cry out and spasm, your limbs going weightless as you convulse around Negan’s cock. You feel a large amount of wetness splash your skin and Negan’s. There’s multicolored lights firing off behind your eyelids as your spine twists in almost impossible angles. And it feels like it’ll never end. Each wave crashes harder than the one before, nearly making you lose consciousness.

“Fuck,” Negan curses as he hurriedly removes himself from your quivering pussy. “You almost made me cum.”

You feel the heaviness of his cock between your lips as you start to come down, your arms finally giving out. Your ass is still up in the air, pussy sensitive but ready for more.

“You didn’t tell Daddy you were a squirter, doll.” Negan’s hands smooth over your ass, his thumb circling your puckered hole occasionally. You tense at the feel of it.

“I-I didn’t know.” You heave out, lungs still trying to take in air.

“That was a mistake.” He continues, leaning over you to press his mouth to your ear. “Because now we’re gonna need you to soak both of our cocks.”

You whimper as an aftershock of pleasure rocks through you, brought on by his filthy words. You pull at the sheets beneath you, feeling his fingers now sliding across your opening.

“Understand?”

“Yes, Daddy.” You dutifully reply, too tired to fight them anymore.

“On your back.”

Before you can even move, Negan’s already flipping you over and thrusting into you. You dig your nails into his shirt-covered back, moans and whimpers penetrating the air. He’s intent on finishing, you can feel it in the way his hips stutter. He fucks you so hard, your body shifts up the bed. And despite the pain, your cunt reacts to his punishing rhythm.

“I want you to cum again. Squirt so fucking hard that you fuck up these sheets, doll.” Negan grunts into your neck.

“I don’t know if I can.”

“You can and you fucking will.” Negan retorts sadistically, hand going to your throat. He applies pressure, the feel of it making your head spin.

He releases you and trails his hand down your chest and to your clit, determined to make you cum again. You tense when a severe slap lands there, forcing your pussy to heat with pain. It dissipates almost immediately, intense arousal now taking its place. You clench around him, choking his cock with your walls.

“I knew you’d like that. A real whore.”

Your body is beginning to shudder again, the impossible now within reach. You’d lost sight of Jim, but at the feel of hands on your breasts, you know its him. He sits near your head on the bed, fingers pinching your nipples. He bends down to mouth at them while Negan continues to fuck you into the mattress.

“This pussy is a masterpiece, Hop.” Negan’s fingers dig into your thighs as he thrusts, hitting your cervix repeatedly.

You arch off the bed at the myriad of sensations soaring through your body. You latch onto Jim’s forearms, his talented finger still attacking your breasts. You plant your feet, preparing for the storm you knew was coming.

And it doesn’t disappoint.

Your orgasm comes fast, your body tensing as it hits. Jim shifts back to watch you, eyes pinned on your contorting form as he grasps himself. Negan pulls his cock from you and lets you coat him, his approval taking form in breathless words of praise. You let those guide you as you ride wave after wave, your whole body, from the top of your head to the tips of your toes, reeling in euphoria.

Jim forces you to take his cock again, the unexpected shots of cum down your throat making you swallow to catch it all. He grunts and groans above you, his release taking him to another dimension. His eyes are focused on you, trained on the bulge in your throat and the white liquid seeping from the corners of your mouth. He tastes salty and of-the-earth, but it’s a combination that speaks to your delicate femininity. You swallow him, making it a point to consume every drop. You take from him as if you were starved for it, as if you’d been denied for years.

“Fuck, I’m gonna cum.” Negan suddenly confesses through clenched teeth between your legs. He doubles his efforts, giving you no choice in the matter. His frantic pace falters as he begins to empty himself inside of you, a fullness like no other settling in your womb.

“Oh, shit…Daddy.” You moan as he continues to release, adding to the mess between you.

“Christ on a fucking cross.” Negan collapses on top of you, clothed body sticking to yours.

You welcome the added weight. He shifts, removing his now softened cock from you. You wince at the loss, already feeling his seed seep from you. He looks down, catching the sight.

“She’s full, Hop. Don’t know if there’s any room for you.” Negan says with a chuckle, sitting up. He gestures to your fucked raw pussy, pulling your attention to Jim.

Jim stands at the end of the bed, Negan now off of you and fisting his cock back to life. You make a move to close your legs, but the lighter haired man stops you.

“We aren’t done, sweetheart. Keep ‘em open.” He orders, the men switching places.

You do as he says, watching as he stalks towards you. A shiver runs through your weary body at the way he studies you. He runs a hand up your calf, trailing it to your spread thighs. He lines himself up with your entrance, but lets a finger linger on your untouched hole.

“Anyone ever had you here before?”

“No.” You reply with a shake of your head, meeting Negan’s eyes as he takes Jim’s previous spot near your head.

“Virgin ass. Merry Christmas to us.” Negan says crudely, licking his lips in the process. Some of his hair has shifted into his face, the once slicked back strands now making him look all the more menacing.

“You gonna let me try?” Jim asks gently, his cock rubbing sensuously over your soaked lips.

You want to say no. You want to deny them both. You’re already sore and the thought of taking him in a place no one has ever been makes you nervous. His size alone makes you think twice and you tense when he edges a finger along the rim.

“He’ll go easy, doll.” Negan offers in a surprisingly soothing one. His fingers caress your cheek, already making your reservations disappear.

Another finger strums at your clit, though with much more tenderness than times before. Your limbs begin to uncoil as the strokes put you at ease, pleasure once again finding its way to the surface. You know what they’re doing. You know what they want. And even though you’d been ready to tell them to go to hell, you let them play you like a fiddle.

You feel the pressure of something much larger at your untouched entrance and you momentarily panic. But Jim stops you, hand on your stomach as he eases in slowly. You don’t fight it, feeling the burn of the stretched muscles as they struggle to accommodate his cock.

“Fuck, baby…such a good girl.” He praises as you squirm, the feeling of fullness making you momentarily uncomfortable. His words make you warm, coating you like a blanket. They make you relax. He continues to push in slowly, letting himself bottom out.

Negan’s hands find your breasts, adding pleasure to your pain. You whimper as he slowly massages them, his pace a stark difference to the rate at which he’d just been fucking you. The cock buried in your ass is pulsing while the hand on your clit continues to revitalize your pussy.

“Yes,” You finally say, edging your hips closer to Jim’s. The sprinklings of ecstasy start to ease the burn and you find yourself sliding against him.

“Yes what, sweetheart?” Jim goads, halting the movements of his hips.

“Yes, Daddy.”

He nods in approval as he begins to move once again. You throw your head back as a level of stimulation you’ve never known before starts to take hold. Hands are everywhere and they leave a trail of destruction in its wake.

“Fuck, you feel good.” Jim grunts.

Negan’s hands disappear from your chest, making you feel cold without them. He settles onto his knees as he feeds you his cock, shallowly fucking your mouth. You once again feel the overwhelming fullness of desire. Your overindulgence in the flesh making you delirious. You’re utterly and truly helpless…the lethargy settling into your bones. And yet, even despite your physical limitations, your mind is ready to propel itself further into this black hole.

Your mouth continues working over Negan as Jim fucks your ass. You feel the prickle of life come back into your limbs as a mixture of discomfort and barely concealed neediness takes hold. You begin gyrating your hips in time with Jim’s cock, feeling him hit deep at a place you hadn’t even known existed. The shock of it makes you pull away from Negan and moan, preparing for what would hopefully be your last orgasm.

“You gonna cum again, doll?” Negan asks, hand still wrapped tightly around himself. He looks down at you with a sort of reverence that makes you tremble, his gaze following your curves closely.

You nod in response, using your own hands to knead your neglected breasts. You meet Jim’s focused stare, his eyes holding the same wonderment in them that Negan’s had. The fact that you had the full attention of both men had made you more than a little aroused. The fact that they were so enthralled by you…by your ability as a woman to please them made that fire inside burn brighter, blazing your skin.

“Goddamn, your ass is tight. I’m not gonna be able to last.” Jim manages to breathe out, cock pumping faster.

You reach for his forearm, his hand connected to the inside of your thigh as he spreads you. You grip the muscled limb, anchoring yourself for the whirlwind about to take place. Your pussy begins to spasm as he works your clit at the same time he thrusts, the duality of the sensations causing the abyss to pull you under. Liquid pours from your pussy and down to cover Jim’s cock, your quaking walls ricocheting onto his hardened flesh.

“Holy hell, baby girl.” Jim groans in mild fascination as you nearly break him off inside of you, your body showing him about as much mercy as he’s shown you.

You close your eyes and ride the high, the low grunts of the two men filling your ears. You tangle yourself further into the sheets as they murmur words of praise and compliments, showering you with filthy adoration. You preen at their words of acknowledgment, falling prey to their charms once again.

They both cum unexpectedly and without warning. Cum fills your ass while it also covers your breasts, announcing to the room who you belong to. You bask in the feel of it, the feeling of momentary ownership making a small satisfied smile pull at your lips.

“Shit…” Jim curses as he pulls himself from you, taking an immense interest in the mess that lay between your legs. Even though they’d both cum twice, Negan and Jim move with a quickness that surprises you. They are off the bed and adjusting their clothes, silently eyeing you the entire time. Meanwhile, you were still trying to get feeling to return to you entire body, the buzz still coursing through your veins.

“We should really take a fucking picture. That’s a sight I don’t wanna forget.” Negan says with a wicked smile, motioning to your still spread legs.

Jim only chuckles in response, his solid form walking towards you once again. He scoops you into his arms, gesturing with his head to the bed.

“Get those off , will ya?” He asks Negan. You clutch his shirt, knowing he won’t drop you but still feeling unsteady. You see his lips smirk at your reaction, his arms holding you tighter to him.

Negan moves to the bed and strips the sheets, balling them into a pile on your floor. You try to watch, interested in what they were doing, but your eyes are heavy and your body is ready to recuperate, lulled by Jim’s heartbeat across his broad chest. You burrow into his form, taking comfort in the warmth. You don’t register anything after that. The voices, the jostling of your body as Jim moves you. None of it awakens you.

*******************************************

Your bleary eyes open against the stream of sunlight, your mouth feeling strangely thick and dry. You roll over, but hiss whenever aches and a deep soreness penetrates your muscles. You feel it all over, the epicenter of it all right between your thighs. Flashes of memories fire off in your mind, reminding you of just how you got to be in so much pain. The faces of the two men responsible for your current state register in your lagging brain. You groan, already aware that this was going to be bad for your working relationship, or what was left of it.

You move to get out of bed, noting the large blanket you were wrapped in. Your sheets were stripped off the bed, the reason making you embarrassed and slightly accomplished. Your eyes find the clock, doing a double-take when you realize its after ten in the morning, an unusual occurrence for you. A full glass of water and a piece of paper pulls your attention to the surface of the nightstand, large writing decorating the sheet of white.

“Doll, left you a glass of water and two Tylenol. You’re gonna need it. We had fun. Call if you need anything. See you at work. P.S. look through your photos.”

An obnoxious smiley face next to the initials N and J makes you cringe. You’re confused by the last sentence until you spot your phone on the nightstand next to the glass of water. You reach for it and unlock it, immediately opening your collection of photos. There’s a series of new pictures that you hadn’t taken and they were all from last night. You scroll through them wide eyed as they capture you in various positions, a cock in one or both ends. Your face is always hidden from view, your body being the main subject point.

The last photo makes you warm, both from arousal and irritation. It’s your spent body after both men ravaged you. Your legs are spread and the cum of each of them coats your flesh, from pussy to ass. It’s a shockingly explicit photo, but you can’t help the rush of delight that shoots through you at the sight.

“Fuckers,” You curse, surprised and at the same time not surprised that they pulled such a stunt. And even though they snapped pictures of you without your knowledge, you know they aren’t stupid enough to do so on their phones. They’re cops, and there’s laws against shit like this. They were smart and left them in your hands, knowing you most likely aren’t going to get rid of them right away.

And they were absolutely right. The pictures and your residual soreness would be the only remaining evidence of that night, never to be repeated.

Maybe.

[blainesebastian]

it’s finals week and they’re both stressed and sleep deprived but blaine tries to recreate the meal they had when sebastian took him to meet his family in france knowing that’s his comfort meal and hurts himself bc sleep deprived.

uh okay something smALL for you bc i can’t pass up the boys being sleepy bUT i do have ‘sleep intimacy’ on my posting list so i felt like i was double dipping. enjoy anon! 

1,186 words 

Blaine’s always considered himself to be a good student—able to problem solve and organize and dedicate his time wisely so that he never puts himself into an overwhelming situation. But college is definitely a different monster than high school, even with Dalton setting him high above the standard of preparation compared to McKinley. It’s his first finals week and he already feels like he’s drowning.

He’s used to treading water—he’s used to juggling a lot of things at once, whether it’s school, after school activities, Warblers practice, family, or friends. He started dating Sebastian their senior year and it’s been a whirlwind of balancing acts with trying to get the people closest to him to accept this decision and, well, his boyfriend is a handful all by himself.

Regardless, he feels like he can tackle the world when he starts his first year at NYADA but…that all comes crashing down when he begins studying for his exams. Things that have come to him so easy are suddenly very overwhelming—he’s got theater practices and practicums to study, speeches to make, notes to take, hours upon hours of shifting between material, making flashcards and writing assessments that he keeps falling asleep on no matter many cups of coffee he drinks beforehand.

Sebastian’s in a similar boat, NYU hitting him with grueling tests that all start to feel the same even though they’re for different classes. They’re studying everywhere—libraries, cafés, the bedroom and living space of their apartment (nowhere is safe to Blaine’s many notebooks and highlighters or Sebastian’s long laptop cord mixed with manila folders).

Blaine can feel his emotions start to shift rather easily, which is how he gets when he’s frustrated, exhausted, and stressed. Or worse, a combination of all three. He winds himself up with small things, the slightest disturbance disrupting his very well-built house of cards. He misses Sebastian, he misses when his life didn’t feel like complete and utter chaos and he misses getting a normal amount of sleep every night—as in, more than two hours.

What prompts him to try and cook this multi-step French dish, he has no idea. He’s looking for comfort—from his boyfriend and from the enjoyment he gets out of cooking. On a slow night that’s not during hell week, he loves putting something together and eating dinner in bed with Sebastian. Or better yet, finding time to bake and having cookies throughout the week as a sweet treat he can look forward to.

He hasn’t had time to have sex with his boyfriend (not even a handjob in the shower because both of them are so tired), let alone kiss him longer than a peck on the lips for a ‘good morning’. And he knows that physical intimacy isn’t the most important thing in a relationship but both of them thrive off of small touches—their love language clearly defined in soft brushes of fingers and the weight of their bodies lining up.

Maybe when Sebastian comes home they can both take a break—eat dinner and pass out on the couch. If they’re lucky they can wake up and fool around before they get back to work. It’s a fleeting hope but hope, nonetheless.

Blaine chews on his lower lip as he looks at the recipe Sebastian’s detailed out in one of their shared cookbooks, something from his grandmother—a French beef stew. Once he’s got everything cut, it just needs to marinate on the stove. Simple enough; the hard part is getting all the ingredients together. He lets out a long sigh and sets the peeled carrots down on the cutting board, his one hand moving to rub at his eyes a moment.

There’s a soft headache pinching behind his vision, slowly pulsing in his temples. He’ll feel better once he eats—he just needs to get this done.

Apparently, the universe has other ideas.

He’s not sure how it happens but one moment he’s cutting carrots and the next he’s slicing straight along the side of his finger. Blaine yelps and jumps back from the cutting board, the knife cluttering onto the floor as he hears the front door open and close. He holds his hand to his chest like an injured bird, Sebastian quickly walking into the kitchen to assess the noise.

“Hey, what’s—” He takes a look at the vegetables on their counter, the pot on the stove and finally Blaine, who’s trying very hard not to cry as he squeezes his fingers together with his other hand. “What happened?”

“I—” Blaine shakes his head quickly, not able to finish his sentence because a rush of tears threaten to spill over his cheeks.

God fuck, his hand hurts and his chest feels like it’s about to crack open wide to expose nerve endings. There’s this overwhelming sensation making his entire body shake because he doesn’t know whether he wants to cry over cutting his hand, the spoiled dinner, or the fact that he’s so fucking tired.

“Shh,” Sebastian takes a step forward, gently pulling on his arm. His hand moves to clasp the back of Blaine’s neck, drawing him into his chest where he seems to fit so perfectly. “Easy.”

Blaine hiccups pathetically, big fat droplets rolling down his face as his forehead connects with the other’s collarbone. A few shuddering sobs empty out of him, exhaustion sitting heavy on his shoulders like cinderblocks.

“You’re okay,” Sebastian whispers, “There, just let it out.” He runs a firm hand up and down his back, keeping him close for a few moments before slowly pulling back. “What were you doing?” He asks, soft amusement hugging the end of his sentence.

Blaine sniffles before shaking his head, letting Sebastian pull his hand away from his chest to look at his fingers. “I was trying to make you Daube.”

Sebastian raises an eyebrow, long fingers splaying his apart to take a peek at the cut. It’s not very deep but it’s angry looking—jagged, red skin and blood dripping from it. His boyfriend quickly reaches for a paper towel and wraps his finger in it, letting his thumb brush back and forth with pressured movements.

“Were you trying to lose a few fingers in the process, or what?”

Blaine laughs wetly, letting out a long sigh before he allows his eyes to close. Sebastian presses a kiss to his temple, “I may have underestimated how tired I am.” He says softly.

Sebastian hums a little and moves them to the sink, taking care of Blaine’s finger before running a hand through his hair. “I say…we let the Daube cook and order take-out. We’ll have lunches for the week and something easy for tonight.”

“That’s…so smart.” Blaine smiles a little, already pulling out their stash of take-out menus from a drawer.

“I mean, that is one of the benefits of dating me.” He winks, picking up a pizza place one to take a closer look at.

Blaine leans over and presses a kiss to his cheek, leaning into his side and breathing him in. “Definitely one out of many.”

[caligobeltrao]

I for one would love 2 hear ur thoughts on the hannibal novel 👀👀 - bloodybrahms ☺

ahhh thank you BB!! <3 I’m gonna throw it under a cut bc I know people aren’t gonna want my ramblings clogging up their dash lol. 

Edit after I’ve written it: Holy shit this turned into a monster but tbf I did say I was going to rant. I think I miss writing college essays...

Also, I would like to note bc I’m about to bitch, I do still love Hannibal and Clarice and all of the franchise. Hell, I even love book Hannibal because I’m garbage and want to be special. So yeah. It’s a fond bitching. 

Okay where to fuckin begin man... This novel was a fucking Shit Show, my dudes. It was like baby’s first fanfiction. 

Let’s just jump in, shall we? 

So by now, having read both Red Dragon and Silence of the Lambs, I know Harris injects of lot of sexual shit into his novels, fine whatever, but the amount of pedophilia is insane. Like, Red Dragon with the grandmother threatening to cut his dick off by holding it in between scissors????? And then we have Mason Verger, worst human on the planet. Like jfc I’ll go into him specifically more later but just. Men. Why does it always have to be sexual. 

Like that time Clarice wasn’t wearing a bra and she wanted to prove to Paul Krendler she wasn’t wearing a wire so she flashed him her tits?? Unnecessary, Harris. Bullshit on all counts. 

Next, poor Ardelia Mapp. So he clearly wrote out her accent in Silence, which frankly reads racist since to me it seemed like he did it every time a character of color was met but he didn��t for Clarice’s Southern accent except for this book when she was talking to Ardelia. Now, that’d be a cool way to show how close they are, sure, but it just... She didn’t show up enough to warrant that reaction from me, plus all the other casually racist shit he throws in. 

Ardelia’s literally there as the wise Black best friend to help Clarice along. She doesn’t feel like her own character, she’s only there in conjunction with her, or doing something for her. She was the fucking valedictorian for Christ fucking sake, she also works at the Bureau but if her department was mentioned it was only once in passing. She was not a full character which fucking blows because she could’ve been so cool. 

And real quick before I forget, I hate how she’s treated in the end. I do like she gets a reference and that brainwashed Clarice sent her an emerald ring and a note saying she was okay, but Ardelia was abandoned by her best friend (that she had lived with) with not even a phone call and they will never see each other again and I think Ardelia knows it. It sucks and I’m heartbroken for this woman. 

I’m gonna touch a little bit on the racism too. Now I’m white and not the most qualified to talk about this shit, but I do wanna mention it because it makes me mad. There’s just so many unnecessary slurs, any POC is more of a background helper character to Clarice than anything or a foil. 

For example, Evelda Drumgo. She starts us off. Badass Black woman who runs a drug cartel. She chooses to shoot at Clarice and risk her baby’s life, and we have Clarice wash the baby off and save his life. Then Evelda’s mother is written as irrational when she slaps Clarice for visiting the baby in the hospital; I get Clarice’s impulse, but that woman just lost her daughter because Clarice killed her. I would’ve slapped Clarice too, even if it was a totally justifiable shot. 

The baby himself is used as a foil throughout other parts, most notably to me when Clarice goes to visit Mason the first time. There are two Black boys from a foster home playing in a room with a camera so Mason can watch them, and it shakes Clarice up a lil bit because of the baby, but it says she’s getting more used to it.

Now this is half and half well written and shoddy to me. It’d be a cool moment, if the whole incident wasn’t nearly completely forgotten for the rest of the book shortly afterword. It could show growth, if Clarice had any growth to show. 

And then the Romani people who are literally just used and thrown away. Sickening. Also very broadly used the stereotypes we hear which Sucks; the three we meet in any sort of depth are pickpockets, one was already in jail and Pazzi used his leverage as a police officer to get her to do what he wanted and threatened to have her baby taken away from her permanently, like it was just bad. And then the man got killed. Pazzi let him bleed out. Asshole. 

The slurs. I could take out all of them and pretty much have the same damn thing. Like I get showing negative aspects of characters and just because a character’s racist doesn’t mean the author is, but with the characters already being as shitty as they are, fully didn’t need it to make them worse. Entirely unnecessary. Racism or the character being racist has no impact on the plot is the major thing, I think. And you can replace that with anything along those lines, like sexist, homophobic, transphobic. It didn’t impact the plot, they can still be shitty, you just don’t need to use them. 

This also goes in reference to Margot being a lesbian. And the transphobia holy shit, it was disgusting. Harris had Clarice think something so cruel and unnecessary it’s like my guy why was that even remotely something we needed to hear. We didn’t. I wanted to stop reading because that’s not my Clarice, first and foremost, and second, this is supposed to be the character we LIKE. And now I don’t like ANYBODY in this damn book. 

And he treats Margot like shit too, and Barney. 

Their friendship was beautiful and great and finally for once something nice was happening in Margot’s life and I was happy reading it, and then FOR SOME REASON Margot goes to shower in the same room as Barney after a workout, which makes no sense, and then Barney tries to force a kiss on her (and he was hard, Harris made that very clear) and she had been sexually assaulted by Mason her brother and ruin the whole damn thing and none of it would have changed any other piece of the novel if you removed it!!!!!!!!! Entirely unnecessary!!!!!! And Barney had the gall to say well I couldn’t help myself like none of that was realistic in the slightest, she never would have went in the same room to shower with him. 

Something you need to do is basically get some suspension of disbelief from your reader and maintain and stretch that as you go, right? Well mine was gone at that moment.

Also side note Margot is basically just there to show how shitty Mason is for the umpteenth time. Her whole thing is lesbian sexual assault victim.

Also heavily implied she was a lesbian because of the sexual assault. And we rarely see Judy, her girlfriend, so. Bad. Bad all around. 

Circling back around to Clarice and how disappointing she is in the books as compared to the movies. Well, Clarice is also a poorly written character. She’s 1000x better in the movie. Hell, she’s even better in this book than she was in Silence, but that’s not fucking hard. 

Pretty much all the characters are so flat they don’t even classify as two dimensional. 

Like sure, maybe we wanna say Clarice didn’t really solve much in the first book and was just handed everything because she was a trainee and that’s what Hannibal wanted. 

Like if you remember the John Mulaney sketch of Delta Airlines where he’s just going “Okay!” and running to the next place he’s told, that’s Clarice. 

Okay so why does she get goaded into all this shit now? She should know better. She should know how to handle herself better. Like she messes up basic fucking shit like clearing a room before untying Hannibal, which was stupid, she seems oblivious to some of the politics at work even though she’s been in the FBI for like 7 years now, she would at least have more fucking contacts than Brigham who died in the beginning and Jack Crawford who died at the end by rolling over in his bed to his dead wife’s side and Ardelia who would be near the same level as Clarice I guess but I still don’t know her damn department???? Like you fucking network. 

Plus after her final fall from grace with the FBI, we meet or are told of random side characters that go no where and do nothing just to say “hey look at my special little girl, everyone likes her and looks up to her!!” Why? Because she caught Buffalo Bill 7 years ago and then never got a promotion or even worked with the BAU? Again, it does not make sense. People may pity her? But a random girl in the lab wouldn’t be fangirling. Starling herself said her career had gone nowhere because of the politics and not sleeping with Paul. You need to show me why she’s likable in her actions not others words. 

We spend more time away from her than with her anyways but Jesus. 

AND HER IN THE ENDING. She was fucking BRAINWASHED????? Bull FUCKING SHIT. He completely ruined anything he even remotely might’ve had in this cluster fuck of a novel. 

Case in point, difference from the movie, Hannibal spends weeks (possibly? it’s left purposefully vague and I’m guessing that’s because Harris didn’t know the ins and outs and wanted his novel done) meticulously brainwashing Clarice, he had stolen her father’s bones and she’s so far gone at that point she doesn’t care, and the whole scene where Paul is getting his brain eaten? Yeah, she happily indulges and when he insults her, she asks Hannibal for more. Fuck you, Thomas Harris. 

And Hannibal’s a Gary Stu, fucking fight me. 

In the movie he either is or he’s tap dancing on that line, don’t get me wrong, but in the novels it’s insufferable because it doesn’t seem earned. The pigs didn’t attack him because they didn’t smell fear on him. No. He’s easily able to drug and brainwash Clarice and take her as his lover. No. Go away. He’s so smart and one step ahead and can manipulate anyone and everyone into doing what he wants and blah blah blah shut up! A character being perfect isn’t interesting even if he’s evil!! We all know he’s never truly in danger because of how Harris writes him and that’s boring!! 

And I personally have a pet peeve where the villain is described as a monster or unstoppable. That’s boring and I no longer care about your story. I know 9 times out of 10 your main character is going to find a bullshit way around the impossible and kill it. Or it’s just like a default personality and nothing else is added to it. And that’s Hannibal. 

I’m on Hannibal Rising now and, spoiler alert, he’s very bland as a character. (Also Harris switched some details in the novel which kinda annoys me like get your own canon right my man but whatever.) The plot itself is pretty fun? I guess? Like there’s action and stuff and I’m enjoying that. But it’s the same set up where Harris’s Gary Stu always wins, like he was 13 in the book when he killed the butcher. Let. Your. Characters. Lose. 

Also even more racist shit but what did I expect really. 

Anyways, I have no idea who I’m supposed to root for in the novel because all the characters are just kinda shitty. It really just boils down to Harris not showing any redeeming qualities or actions from any of his characters. I liked Margot for a while out of spite but she never really went anywhere and the way she killed Mason (btw she sodomized him with a cattle prod to get his semen bc side plot and then stuffed his Moray eel down his throat and somehow I still don’t think that’s the worst part of the novel) just. No thanks really. 

All the random little side plots were also pretty not great. How many time does Harris have to say Pazzi of the Pazzis? Like I fucking get what you’re going for, even if I hadn’t watched the movie I’d be like, “Oh this dude’s gonna get hung outta that window, dope,” the literal first time. Stop treating your readers like idiots. 

And then Margot’s side plot was that the will their father left said she needed a biological heir to inherit because he was pissed she’s gay and we needed the homophobia I guess, so Mason got everything, and she was helping him with the Hannibal shit because he’s pretty incapacitated duh, and in return he would give her his jizz so Judy could be artificially inseminated and they could have a child and get some of her inheritance. I don’t care. It was all very gross, and Mason kept saying shit like suck me off you’ve done it before, I won’t be able to feel it anyway, maybe Judy’ll suck me off you think she’d like that. It’s all gross. 

And I guess this is a good a time as any to finally start on Mason. So a great rule of writing to make everything work better and give your story more depth is to give everyone both positive and negative traits right, even and especially the bad guys? Like, rules can always be broken if you’re a good enough writer, but I believe I have established that Harris isn’t quite there yet, to put it nicer than I have. 

Mason is one bad trait after another. It’s like when Harris was bored of constantly writing about plain ole pedophilia, he threw a dart at a board of horrible things and landed on topics such as: pedophilia but make it incest, extreme sadism, sadism but against children now, and good old fashioned racism! Fucking Cordell was supposed to collect the children’s tears after Mason would make them cry and put them in martinis for him. Realism went out the goddamn door real fast with this novel y’all. Like a fucking Scooby Doo villain over here. 

And he loves talking about being a sadistic pedophile, he will literally not shut up about it to Clarice when she first gets there telling her about his trip to Africa and this portable guillotine he has and just. I get it was probably like trying to make her uncomfortable on purpose because he’s a Freak, but it went way too far if only because it was annoying, not even uncomfortable for me as a reader. I was bored real quick. Get to the shit I actually wanna know. 

And it sucks because of the weird, over-the-top way of how he died, I got zero satisfaction from his death. I couldn’t even be like, “Well at least Margot got her revenge,” because that’s not how she originally wanted to kill him!!! She wanted someone else to extract his semen for the insemination but couldn’t find anybody to do it for her, and then Hannibal, whilst tied up, said use a cattle prod and you won’t have to touch him and when you kill him you can blame it on me, and I’m pretty sure even if she hit his prostate right every time and he COULD cum from that alone in addition to how his body is Fucked Up now, it would’ve been a lengthy, gross, and re-traumatizing experience for her because all she wanted to do was avoid seeing and touching her brother’s private parts again, which I think is a totally fair and rational desire. 

So I have to live with the fact that she was desperate enough to not lose the house and business because of her homophobic father to go through her childhood trauma again. There’s no place in this book that has a somewhat positive conclusion. 

Even the very last bit where Barney has a girlfriend and a ton of cash from Margot, all he wants to do is see every Vermeer in the world right? Well, because Hannibal and Clarice are in Buenos Aires where one of them is on display, Barney gets spooked and has him and his girlfriend leave before he can see it and it ends that bit with he never got to see it ever so he didn’t even complete his dream!!! 

Also for good measure, Harris throws in that Hannibal and Clarice enjoy having sex regularly. For no reason. Just letting us know. 

I know this seemed like just a bitch fest, because it was, but I kinda sorta enjoyed it? It kept my attention at the very least. It’s really disappointing because like I said, I love the movies, all of them, and have since I was little. To see the original not stand up to that image in my mind is a little heartbreaking. Especially Clarice. She was a strong female role model to me, but turns out she’s... just kinda there. And her ending is that of her no longer being herself and getting that agency taken away from her. 

There is a reference to her waking up from a sleep, if she is asleep (that’s kind of how he worded it), that kinda let us draw our conclusions on whether she was just brainwashed into being good for him or if she was willingly going along with this and was in love with him I guess and it felt like a slap in the face. She turned from a hardworking, modest country girl working her way up to the FBI into a female Hannibal. Which on the surface sounds kinda cool because we love luxe serial killers, but that’s not what she wanted or who she was set up to be. And to insinuate that she would even remotely consider choosing that path for herself is at its best an insult to her and at its worst a complete erasure of her background, what little character Harris did set up. It also completely erases my own connections to her, as a girl from a small town myself who has bigger dreams than this and also... a good, strong set of morals. He just tossed that out the window. 

Obviously if you’re on this blog, you like slasher x reader shit, and this is a novel with a slasher x a person, right? So why am I so mad about it? Because the whole point of this blog and reader insert fanfiction in general is that you are taken as you are and loved wholly as yourself and that you are worthy of that love (in a fictional setting, not really loving people who are like this, which I think we understand but I want to clarify). She was not taken as she was. He is not in love with her, she is not in love with him. She was transformed into what he wanted out of her. He couldn’t get her to be Mischa, his first plan, so he made her like himself. And the fact that he was so easily able to do it makes me upset, and even more so is that it’s not written like it’s weird or wrong. It’s written like they’re in love and this is a good thing. 

He may have been going for the classic “everyone is capable of doing bad things” stuff we see a lot, but we got that from Margot already. And Barney, for stealing Lecter’s stuff and selling it. And Paul, and the entire FBI for turning on Clarice, and the kidnappers, and Pazzi, and random shitty side characters. And none of it was particularly well written or made some sort of strong statement. It just was. And that’s not a good enough basis for a novel. 

Anyways, if you made it this far holy shit you’re a saint and I love you, let’s be friends?? <3 Have a good day y’all, thank you BB for giving me permission to ramble. 

[krolock-in-the-snowlock]

Part 2 - Broadway’s Dance of the Vampires Commentary

Act 2

• And here we are again, after taking a week or two to recover from act 1

• I have no idea what’s going to happen but I’m gonna finish what I started, no matter what it takes

• Ok the video is ready, I don’t think I am but here we go

• Ok well the opening music was more like titanic than tanz

• Ooh ok we have lots of vague figures on stairs, probably vampires but it’s hard to tell with the 480p video quality

• Hmmm are we having a reprise of totale finsternis?

• That staircase is looking

• Glad to see the audience is cracking up again at the use of total eclipse of the heart

• Those couple guys are having a great time

• They’re like

• haHAAA

• Good for them

• Glad someone’s enjoying this

• I would be annoyed that this whole thing is seen as funny when the original scene is really cool but hey this whole thing is just one big old parody so what could I expect

• Distancing myself from it by calling it a parody is the only thing getting me through thiis

• I don’t think they’re using all the same lyrics as total eclipse so at least there’s that

• But the lyrics are too romancey and soppy ugh

• Michael your singing is actually quite nice aside from the hint of giovannui at the edges of your words

• ARE THEY NOT DOING THE HARMONIES

• NO

• The harmonies are the best part of the song noooo

• And I think his voice would probably harmonise quite well

• And he ISN’T SINGING TURN AROUND WITH THE BACKING SINGERS

• wHY

• there was no dramatic krolock walking down the staircase slowly

• but then again I don’t think giovanni could do that

• he’d probably trip on the second step, crash down the stairs and be like I’m a-fine! Hee hee!

• Oh

• Oh no

• I think they are doing harmonies but they’re just

• Wrong

• So wrong

• Or maybe good ol’ giovanni has just forgotten the key he’s supposed to be singing in

• Entirely possible

• I don’t think giovanni would particularly care about the rules of music

• Oh giovanni is literally just like come to the gates of hell with me and sarah seems chill with iy

• She’s singing along

• She’a having a good time

• NOOO they harmonised poorly during the verse where there should be no harmonies but they sTILL WON’T HARMONISE IN THE CHORUS

• I HATE IT

• -22/10 would not listen again

• But then that sums up the whole musical tbh

• The phrase ‘hold me tight’ should not be in this song

• Wrong vibes my friends

• This fails the vibe check

• Oh no they’re attempting a couple of the original harmonies

• 2 lines in and it’s not going well

• ???????

• Wait

• They’re both singing harmonies for sarah’s line but NOBODY IS SINGING SARAH’S LINE

• Sarah sing your own part

• What r u doing

• Sarah

• This is horrible pls stop

• Once again the staging is mostly just the two pigeons again

• Except the squawking is more evenly split between the two

• Back and forth

• Wait

• Hmm

• There appears to be either a cult or aa group of monks (is there a name for that? A flock of pigeons, a murder of crows, a prayer of monks?) gathering in the backgroubd

• Did nobody tell them yhis room was taken

• Or maybe sarah and giovanni didn’t book the room

• Maybe it’s just turned midnight and their hour is up

• Someone check the dramatic staircase room booking sheet pls

• Ok ok but there’s nothing you can do, a total eclipse of the heart??

• The whole point is that sarah is trying to choose to be free and make her own choices

• If there’s nothing she can do then that sort of defeats the purpose

• Oh wait yeah this sarah wasn’t locked up

• Never mind

• None of this makes sense anyway

• Really missing krolock’s cape rn

• Nothing looks as good without it

• If giovanni had a cape he might even make it from a -13/10 to nearly a 1/10

• Oh the cult is following giovanni

• Maybe he invited them..?

• Having that many candles on the stairs cab’t be practical

• And tbh is frankly quite dangerous if u ask me

• …and once again we end with some undeservinf applause

Round 4: the boys are back in town

• Ah here comes alfred with his self-narration

• Did he just lightly crack the fourth wall..?

• Oh god and the vampire hunting squad is joined by giovanni ‘buonasera’ von krolock

• Ew did he just say scrumptious? That word should be spoken by grannies and posh mothers alone

• I love how he’s just sat in a throne in the middle of nowhere

• Is this outside his castle? Inside? Somewhere else entirely? We may never know

• Oh sorry I stand corrected it appears I have been incorrectly naming giovanni this whole time

• His full name appears to be count giovanni coppolini travancoli von krolock (or something along those lines) of the sicilian side of the family

• Albus percival wulfric brian dumbledore anyone?

• I just.

• Why is he italian

• Krolock does not sound remotely italian

• Do vampires have a connection to italy?

• If so I am not aware

• Once again, I must ask: why is 75% of the staging of this musical just people stood at opposite ends of the stage facing each other

• Those bats look like family? I guess they would

• Oh my god why is alfred threatening giovanni

• I guess nobody’s gonna be pretending not to know what the others are

• Which gets straight to the point I suppose

• While not necessarily good at self-preservation, alfred sure is efficient

• But maybe too efficient because we still have an hour left to go

• This version of alfred is like a chihuahua with small dog sydrome yapping at a bigger dog, excpet giovanni is only slightly bigger than him and is probably a flea-infested chinese crested dog dressed in a halloween costume from wish.com

• …piccolo alfredo.

• This scene is really bringing out the offensively fake italian in giovanni

• WHY. IS. HE. OFFERING. ALFRED. A. SPONGE. SHAPED. LIKE. A. PENIS

• WHY IS HE MAKING IT GO FLACCID EWWWW NOOO

• I NEED EYE AND BRAIN BLEACH

• Are they saying… erbert..?

• Oh yay he’s french

• Quick tip, directors: the french would not pronounce the t either unless you added an e at the end (I think)

• Also e is more like air rather than er from what I remember

• So really it would be airbair??

• Which is stupid

• Tl;dr: do not make him french and still call him herbert

• Oh and herbert wearing bright blue? No thx I prefer his purple sparkles and black

• His hair and wig aren’t even done well *sigh* herbert would hate this

• See giovanni made a joke and the audience clearly liked it but I could not catch a word of what he said

• Oh god this herbert is wrong

• Herbert never actually speaks to krolock in tanz

• Which tbh is a shame but i prefer it over… whatever this is…

• Huh so it is set in transylvania, giovanni and airbear are just italian and french bc y not

• Neat

• Cool cool cool

• Wait so they were in the library the whole time???????

• I’m so confused rn

• Why does his library have a coffee bar..? you know what, never mind

• Ah ambronsius is clearly about to sing his book song

• …or maybe not? Giovanni is apparently trying to seduce him too..?

• The staging is a bit like vor dem schloss

• It’s the right time for it but who knows

• And one of the first decent harmonies of the musical is a line between giovanni and ambronsius singing about books bc apparently this is a book club now

• Oh no is koukol called boris

• If it isn’t boris johnson I’m gonna be disappointed (or relieved)

• Apparently the throne just glides backwards

• Like a magic carpet exceot it doesn’t leave the ground so i suppose actually more like a chair with wheels, which is much less exciting

• That didn’t deserve a clap

• I can’t figure out if they’re being open about their intentions or not because they seem to change their minds every 10 seconds

• There’s suddenly a bed?

• Oh god ok let’s see if they mess up carpe noctem

• Well the music is for an entirely different song so this will be interesting

• Hmm ok it is that completly different song

• Is that airbear..?

• Or alfred #2?

• Bc it should be krolock singing that song but idek

• At least we get a cape and mostly good singing

• Ah here we go

• Carpe noctem looking its usual weird self

• oH GOD NOT ITS USUAL SELF

• I do not remember winged demons dancing on the bed in the original

• But hey there’s more capes

• Something to be grateful for

• I’m really not sure what’s going on here

• Oh ok I can finally see the dream krolock

• He’s doing all those jumps in a suit rather than shirtless with leggings so he looks a little less cool sorry to him

• But yh i still have no idea who is singing the main vocals

• And it’s over

• Ha alfred lowkey looks like brian david gilbert in that one bit

• Sorry alfred your i’m scared but i’m gonna do this for sarah song isn’t quite as sweet when you’re super confident

• One thing i never understood was how ambronsius slept through alfred’s singing

• Ah it appears he did not

• He’s hugging ambronsius..?

• Does he do that in the original?

• Ha ha very funny professor sibilance and homovampiricus

• Oh and alfred happily just whacks chagal on the head nice nice totally in character

• The coffins are empty???

• Why is chagal in a nice coffin

• Where does giovanni sleep

• I guess in his floating mansion of a coffin

• If anything herbert would have that

• WHY IS MRS CHAGAL HERE

• WHY IS ALFRED EAGER TO KILL CHAGAL

• Oh he’s finally turning magda

• ..and his wife?

• Apparently

• Are they in a polyamorous relationship now

• They will not all fit in that one coffin I’m sorry

• And here’s herbert

• Ew herbert is so cheap

• Like he was flirty in the original but this is ridiculous

• Ugh too many cheap gay jokes

• airbear is sO much worse than I could have imagined

• Huh maybe alfred is confirmed a little bi here

• Ok yeah alfred is definitely having his bi awakening here

• And at least the whole thing is a little more consensual here

• Oh yeah alfred’s bi as hell, he’s singing harmonies with airbear

• But he’s still trying to escape?

• I guess he is a bit confused

• Wait so airbear ended that thinking alfred wanted him? Different but more accurate to the events

• 40 minutes to go

• Mrs krolock is apparently a disguise he uses around sarah too? Ok

• Well the vampires are about to wake so this is where things really should start getting good but I’m sure they won’t

• I don’t like that one of them laughed

• I don’t think they’re even harmonising

• Lazy

• Ah ok here we go harmonies

• These are nice actually

• The lower part is louder than usual, which actually works quite nicely

• The vampires aren’t as jolty and creepy though

• Ew the guitar is bad

• What was that horrible whining between notes

• Oooh this should be sie irren professor

• Oh no, I guess giovanni has decided to bypass the threatening and has gone straight to physical assault

• There’s a prophecy? Alright then. Bit abrupt

• Dammit so they’re going straight into die unstillbare gier without sie irren professor

• Maybe it’s for the best… giovanni was never going to sound that threatening anyway

• Half an hour to go

• I can do this

• Let’s see how he massacres one of the best songs in the musical

• Also he’s starting the song at the front of the stage not the top, and it’s just weird

• When giovanni has been so comedic and dumb the whole time this song just won’t work

• …and the firsg two lines don’t rhyme… great start

• He has a cape though

• Pls I just want 1 cape swish

• Oh but the cape is pathetic

• Oh

• This song could have been good

• But the lyrics aren’t as good in places and he’s still got hints of giovanni’s stupid accent

• What a tragedy

• Well they’re giving a little more detail about his previous victims which is interesting at the very least

• The lyrics don’t have enough syllables

• And ugh they’re not very good either

• There are a few nice ones but most of them…

• I use my body just like a bandage, I use my body just like a wound

• And the prize for worst lyric yet goes to…

• And what makes it worse is that those replaced ich will frei und freier werden und werde meine ketten nicht los

• One of my favourite parts of the song

• And I just want to add that he’s barely moving too

• He doesn’t climb to the top and run down to collapse on the floor

• He just. Stands there.

• Like a badly dressed rock.

• Oh but the stage tilts now to form a straight wall

• So it’s not even like they couldn’t have the stage rise as he runs down

• They just left it raised for him to do nothing on and then got rid of it completely

• They replaced doch die with buuuuuut which does NOT work at all

• You need two syllables to separate the two notes

• This is awful

• They changed the tune a tiny bit which is fine I guess, not as satisfying though

• I just

• *sigh*

• His voice is good. With good lyrics and the original character, he could have done it really well

• I hate that potential was wasted

• Which, again, goes for the whole trainwreck of a musical

• I can’t make out all of the lyrics and I’m not sure if that’s a mild annoyance or a blessing

• Like, i have no idea what he said in the last little bit

• But hey that’s that

Part 3 - The Ball and Beyond

[izzyovercoffee]

@tiender replied to your post:“I know Republic Commando is a small fandom, but has anyone out there...”:

before or after the head injury? 'cos some weird stuff went on there, you know it did

both, I guess lol

mostly I’m trying to decide if I personally want to devote the time/energy to picking apart repcomm for the meta for these two, when I don’t ... really like Bardan Jusik for a long list of mandaboo related reasons (reasons that are... more about brown-nosing to Kal than actually having any real other reason to “go native” like he did in the way he did, when looking at it from an objective perspective)

I used to love Jusik, back when there was a really, really incredible writer for him in the repcomm rpc, but that was ... idr how many years ago that was actually (5+ years minimum), but it’s been a long time and that blog (and its headcanons and its meta) is long, long gone. generally a good writer can get you to love anyone, really, especially when they pick apart the little nuances of character.

I’m rambling. I’m gonna ramble some more since I’m thinking about it now and since I made the mistake of listening to the Lore podcast before bed

my thing is, I’m looking at a potential argument to concoct for a Fi/Jusik ship. after having briefly talked over an au timeline w/ @thelightreturns that’s completely unrelated to them, we realized that bc KT is so painfully straight it’s a ship that just ... completely reads as an impossibility / not a thing, and it’s a ship that as it turns out most if not the entire fandom has never even considered. 

considering that this specific fandom has explored some really crazy/crack ships just because they can, just because it’s titillating or a challenge to write or just fun, even from before AO3, that’s ... a really big surprise. 

also considering that it hits some of the big points fandom loves:

hurt/comfort

friends to lovers

closet key (maybe even for each other, idk)

height difference

brothers-in-arms / love on the battlefield

unrequited / one-sided 

it just surprises me that there’s barely anything out there.

and like... the thing is, even platonic (or one-sided, whatever), the pros are:

it deals directly with Fi’s internalized homophobia (I can’t find the meta that I’m thinking of rn but I’m also sleep deprived, but someone had done a very thorough read-through of the books and went through Fi’s internal narration, and it was genuinely heartbreaking the ways in which he absolutely sounds like ... someone so deeply in the closet that he can’t seem to even consider the possibility that he might not even be attracted to women. from the way he thinks about his relationship to Parja, to the way he thinks about her, the language he uses towards them vs the language he uses when interacting with men ... it’s a lot. I wish I could find it, and I’m starting to worry it was on one of the older RP blogs that have long since been deleted..... but anyway, it’s yet again another example of how KT thinks she’s writing one thing, but the entire narrative is actually building something else) 

it re-contextualizes Jusik’s otherwise culturally appropriative attitudes towards mando culture in a way that actually gives him genuine motivation, respect and justification to learn the language, absorb the culture, learn the nuances to really connect with someone he feels for ... because his motivation extends beyond chasing on the heels of an inconsistent father figure, to actually forming a foundation of a family unit (or a love interest), which I would argue is something more solid. the books give us a “well of course Jusik would” with no real explanation actually being provided to us, only chasing Kal’s approval (and the implication that that is somehow being a totally healthy, totally good thing ....... and it’s not)

it gives an out for the Fi/Parja relationship that doesn’t result in a rushed marriage that has Parja giving up everything for Fi, and I have a hard time actually buying that Parja would see his hesitation and ... not press to understand it better. (there were also headcanons back in the good ol’ days that Parja and Jusik were bffs, so seeing that kind of dynamic would genuinely be wonderful)

it provides an avenue to explore force-healing, force-bonds, and the ... unique ... development of a connection between Bardan and Fi, bc Bardan clearly put more into that healing than just the Force (the graying of his hair, the implication that he somehow looked older or more worn after, he essentially sacrificed part of himself for Fi, and it’s ... never addressed, never explored, never mentioned again)

we can just avoid the horrific Arla bull shit entirely had this been a thing

I am realizing this got really long so my bad, but yeah. you’re right, weird shit happened there, but it’s the kind of weird shit that if it was any other characters in any other niche fandom within star wars, there would at least be SOME jumping on it! the very idea that a soul-deep force-healing happened there, that Bardan sacrificed parts of himself to reverse Fi’s brain damage, that he spent months devoted to Fi in healing him, that he thought of ways to “reach” Fi even through his coma ....

and Fi is free. he becomes a free man after this genuinely traumatic experience, but he doesn’t talk about it with anyone in the series afterwards, and I used to think (and still do, I guess) that Bardan would actually be a good person to talk to about it (not just for Fi, I wrote a short series of Mereel recording his pseudo therapy sessions w/ Bardan, but I digress). 

idk. there’s a lot of potential here that’s just totally missed bc KT is so straight she made both these guys straight as boards when they literally potentially have a bond knit together by the force and near-death experience, and that relationship is potentially more compelling than the ones we were given for either of the, as is.

[justsomekpopstuff]

Coffee (Xiumin)

Pairing: Xiumin x Reader

Type: Soulmate AU

Requests: OPEN

MASTERLIST

A/N: I will admit, this one was not my best, but I tried. It was a difficult concept, let me live.

You and your soulmate are connected by days - you will repeat the same day over and over again until you finally meet...

you had believed that everything in your life would be normal

you grew up without any tattoos, changing colors, or visions

you lived your life like any other person, unburdened by the idea of having to find your soulmate

you had realized pretty early on that you would have a different experience

as you watched your friends meet their soulmates in the most insane ways, you became more accepting of your own fate

you either had a soulmate and didn’t know it, or you didn’t have it at all

you learned to be completely content with either option

you would take life a day at a time, and see where it took you

Xiumin had grown up very similarly

he had noticed very quickly that his soulmate marker would be different than the others

it took him a while to accept the concept of not having one at all, but eventually he came to an understanding

it became even more evident when he became an idol

soon his schedule began to get busier, and the less time that he had in the day to focus on meeting his soulmate

the two of you continued to live relatively normal lives well as normal as you could for the most part

that was, until one day, everything changed

you went about the day like you would any other

you woke up to your alarm, you got ready, you got coffee, you went to work, you came home, and you went to sleep

this was your usual routine

but your head felt foggy, like there was some kind of veil over you

you didn’t even notice that life had essentially reset itself that night

the next morning you woke up, same as usual

you went through the same routine as always

the exact same routine that you went through the day before

literally, exactly

same clothes, same errands, same everything

you felt that feeling of deja vu, like you had just done this same thing the day before

you continued to go about your day, feeling that same familiarity as you ran through all your errands for the day, going to work, going home, and going to bed like usual

the next morning, sure enough, it was the exact same as it had been the day before

you were sure of it

you were living the same day that you had the day before

that veiled feeling was your soulmate marker taking over

you went about that same day, just as you had the time before, wondering if you continued if something was different

sure enough, you were wrong

you had started living the same day over and over again, until you met your soulmate

at least you were not alone in this

Ximuin felt the same wave of confusion when he realized that he was living the same day over again

he felt the same veil over his eyes, like a haze that would not leave his vision

to be honest, there was a piece of him that was a bit frustrated

he’s more busy than ever, and THIS is when his soulmate marker decides to appear?

what kind of karma is that?

out of pure pettiness towards the universe, he began to change small details about his daily routine

well, as much as he could while getting away with it, the universe was still in charge on this one

he would spend some extra time in the practice room, would order something new at the cafe that he visited that day, so on and so forth

little things that wouldn’t seem like much, but would vastly change the course of his day

you, on the other hand, didn’t think of this until MUCH later down the line

you had stopped counting the number of times that you had gone through the same day

to be honest, it felt like forever

you were starting to get so sick of living the same day over and over

you had no idea how in the world you were supposed to get out of this rut

eventually, you just became so exhausted

so exhausted, in fact, that you forgot to set your alarm to get up and get ready

a minute detail that would vastly change the course of your day

you woke up peacefully the next morning, feeling more refreshed than ever

you noticed that your alarm hadn’t gone off, so you looked at your phone to check the time

you had only 5 minutes to get ready before you had to be out the door

you jumped out of bed and scrambled to get ready, knowing full well that you would be late that day

you ran out the door later than usual and scrambled down the stairs, praying that you would at least still be somewhat on time

Xiumin was already well on his way through his day

tbh, he was a little frustrated with his soulmate

had they not figured out this loophole?

like, it was so simple?

but, he knew that he would keep his mouth shut, because if finding his soulmate was anything like what the story said, he wouldn’t be able to remember his frustration in the first place

he went to the same cafe that he did every other time that he had repeated that day

he had tried going somewhere else once during one of the repeats

he didn’t even make it through the door before he was directed back to this one

he figured that it must be important to meeting his soulmate, so he stuck to it

he ordered his drink and waited patiently in the cafe, soaking up the same atmosphere that he had been living for the past...well...however long he had been there

you sprinted down the street, and finally had the cafe in your sights

you started to run towards the door like your life depended on it well it was your job bc you were late but i digress

that was the exact moment that Xiumin got his order and began to head out of the cafe

sure enough, you get over to the cafe and rip open the door, attempting to rush in and grab your order that you placed before you left the house

however, there was a person in the way

you slammed into a solid figure, and you felt the heat of the coffee spilling all over

“oh my gosh I am so so sorry,” you gasped, beginning to ramble on as the person just smiled at you

“it’s okay, really. I’ll just get another one.”

you looked into the eyes of the person you just slammed into, and everything became clearer

the sky became clearer, the veil over your eyes lifted

you saw a number appear over their head

115 days

this person had to be your soulmate

“you...you’re my -” you stuttered

“soulmate?” he finished for you “yes. I’m Minseok.”

you nodded as he smiled at you charmingly

“I’m (Y/N)...oh gosh this is so embarrassing...” you muttered to yourself

“that you spilled my coffee all over you or that you just met your soulmate?” he asked you, clearly indicating that he heard you

“both?”

you smiled shyly at him, still feeling rather flustered about the situation

“tell you what, why don’t we get some new coffee and figure this out together?” he offered

you were about to accept when you remembered that you were still late for work

but, you realized that this was far more important

“you know what, yeah. Give me just a second to make a call and i’ll be right there,” you accepted

he nodded and got in line once more as you went out and called your boss

you told them the situation, and they were less than understanding

you realized that even after all the work that you had done for them, they gave you slim to nothing in return

so, cue you quitting your job over the phone and heading back into the cafe to spend time with your soulmate

you got into line next to him, and the two of you began to make small talk

after ordering, the two of you sat at one of the little tables outside

“did everything go okay on the phone? You were out here for quite a while” he asked you

“That depends. I was going to be late to work, but I figured that if I explained the situation that my boss would be understanding. After a while of being lectured, I decided it was high time that I move on with my life,” you explained

“I’m so sorry, I feel partly responsible...”

“No, don’t worry. After living the same day 115 times doing the same boring job, you realize some interesting things about yourself.”

your drinks came out shortly after, and the two of you sat at the cafe getting to know each other

after some talking, he realized that he still had things that he had to do that day

the two of you got up and exited the cafe together, wondering what was going to happen next

“I know I have stuff I have to do today, but would you like to get together soon? If you’re free, that is,” he asked

“I’m pretty free now, so yeah,” you joked with him

you exchanged numbers, and he was about to walk away before you cut in again

“Before you go, I want to say I’m sorry for making you wait so long. 115 days, to be exact”

“It was worth it,” he told you before finally turning and walking away

you were completely dumbfounded at his response

He continued on his way to finally get his day started, with a giant grin on his face

meeting you was worth the wait

a little spilled coffee was not enough to dampen either of your spirits now that you had found each other

[strapcats]

Thicker Than Water (Part 8)

↬ Genre: Gang au, angst, drama, eventual fluff

↬ Pairing: Jeongin x Chan

↬ Word Count: 4,228

↬ Description: Dépaysement- (n.) When someone is taken out of their own familiar world and pushed into a new one.

–

Yang Jeongin is a young Busan runaway with a sharp tongue.

Bang Chan is the easily-offended leader of a crime syndicate.

Read on Wattpad // Read on Archive

Part(s) One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight

“BC didn’t go to bed in his room last night.” Woojin spoke darkly over a cup of coffee. Felix’s ears perked up at this, as it was very unusual for Chan to not go to bed in his own room.  Jisung laughed and playfully hit Minho’s shoulder to get his attention. The older member rolled his eyes and dug around in his pocket for a moment before pulling out a crumpled 20,000 won bill out of his pocket before begrudgingly handing it over to Jisung who laughed in success. Seungmin chuckled as well, nodding at Jisung in understanding of the situation. Felix turned away from the confusing group, shaking his head. Changbin walked into the room and sat next to Felix, his hair still messy and his eyes still cloudy with sleep. Felix chuckled at the older male and grabbed his shoulder to tug Changbin closer. The fighter flopped his tired head on Felix’s shoulder and reached out to steal a couple sips of his coffee. The morning scene was a warm one, all of the members content to some extent.

Farther off, behind a couple of warehouse walls, Chan’s arms were wrapped around the youngest member of the Clan unbeknownst to both of them. Chan was the first to stir, yawning and opening his eyes groggily, before shooting them open and yanking his arms away from Jeongin’s sleeping form. Panic flooded his system, his mouth was a little bit agape in shock. He didn’t know how he let this situation happen, and he hardly remembered the night before. He had no idea what was happening and so he hurriedly rushed around the room to gather his belongings before yanking open the door only to find Woojin, about to knock on the hard metal. Shock painted his face, but concern quickly overtook it and Chan averted his eyes and shoved past his right hand man. He knew he would follow but he just wanted to disappear.

Chan yanked open his bedroom door and tried to close it before Woojin came in, but failed miserably. The slightly older man closed the door lightly behind him and locked it, before watching Chan collapse onto the floor into a pile of panic. The leader ran his hands through his black curls, looking down at the ground, wide-eyed.

“Breathe Channie. What’s gotten into you?” Woojin spoke softly, crouching down and rubbing Chan’s shoulder lovingly, looking him up and down with concern clouding his vision. The leader slowed his breathing and calmed himself quickly, following Woojin’s command. He shook his head a little bit and spoke.

“Sorry Woojin. Something happened with Jeongin last night because I was helping him with his furniture and I just woke up with my arms wrapped around him and I don’t think that anything happened but I’m afraid I was an idiot.” Chan spoke quickly and quietly as he stood up and Woojin punched his arm.

“Yeah, you’re an idiot. You scared me, man! I thought something serious happened.” Woojin smiled at his best friend while Chan squinted his eyebrows.

“Woojin, this is serious! I can’t let him think I’m some softie! I know it’s dumb but I just want him to respect me, like I’m not his friend.” Chan said, exasperated. Woojin laughed at his words, angering Chan further.

“You’ve never treat us the way you treat him, you’ve never acted all ‘tough’ or ‘cold’ around us, but you want to with him. I have my own theories as to why this is, but you gotta get yourself together. Just chill out and stop alienating him, okay?” The honey-haired man laughed again and turned to leave but Chan reached his hand out and grabbed his arm, turning him back to face him. Woojin looked confused.

“Why don’t you get it, Woojin? I have my own reasons, and I need him to-” The leader didn’t have the chance to finish, as there was a knock on the door. Woojin flicked the lock open, and Chan called to come in. a very sleepy Jeongin stood there, rubbing his eyes. Woojin’s eyes flicked from Jeongin back to Chan and saw his entire demeanor change. He rolled his eyes at his leader, wanting to laugh at his oblivious, stubborn nature.

“Hyung-oh, hi Woojin- where’d you go? I’m so fuckin’ tired and you just ran off, like it’s only 9 in the morning, what is that, 6 hours of sleep?? You leaving woke me up and then I couldn’t go back to bed because it’s too light out and like, what the hell man?” Jeongin rambled in his unhappy, sleepy manner, and Woojin smiled before turning to Chan and mouthing “Handle It.” to his leader, who gave an annoyed expression back. The taller man left the room, letting Jeongin in and closing the door. He walked in and sat on Chan’s bed cross-legged unhappily, definitely expecting apologies from Chan.

“Y-You want an apology? I don’t answer to you, Fox. It was time for you to get up anyways.” Chan silently cursed himself for not only stuttering his words, but also using an affectionate pet name when addressing the boy. Though, his words still seemed to hit their target. Jeongin’s faced crunched up in anger and he jumped off the bed and walked to the door, but stopped just before opening it. He turned back to Chan and crossed his arms.

“You know, I really thought I was seeing a different side of you last night, and I felt like I could actually be a part of this group, since you were accepting me now.” He rubbed his nose in anger, the frustration pent up inside him taking a physical effect. Chan’s eye flashed with hurt momentarily but Jeongin didn’t see, which Chan was grateful for. He shifted his weight to stand straight upright, appearing taller and colder than before.

“I guess you were wrong, Jeongin. I’m your superior, not your friend.” Chan spoke with such a harsh tone it nearly surprised even him. The words hit Jeongin like a train and his arms dropped to his sides in defeat. He balled up his fists and cast his eyes down, appearing more sad than angry.

“How can you call yourself my superior when you act like a child?! I thanked you last night, but I take it back.” Jeongin looked up and stared right into Chan’s dark brown eyes, causing the older to stir because of the monster of negative emotions he saw rearing within Jeongin’s hazel ones, brimming with frustrated tears. “I wish you’d never found me. I’d be better off in the snow.” He spat at his elder before opening the door and slamming it closed after him.

The sharp noise of the door made Chan flinch, since he was resting in a state of shock from Jeongin’s words. He shook his head in distaste while murmuring to himself before changing his clothes to something more suitable for daytime work. He slipped on a pair of black ripped biker jeans and a pair of knee-high laced combat boots. He put on a dark purple silk dress shirt and tucked it in before finishing it off with his holster belt and light black eyeliner. He walked down the hallway and into the main room to make himself a cup of coffee. Many pairs of eyes were on him, but he refused to give his members the satisfaction of breaking under their stares.

As he was dropping a couple of sugar cubes into his currently black coffee, he heard light footsteps and knew the youngest member had just walked into the room. He heard a few small greetings of good morning before a metal object was placed next to his hand on the counter. It was a handgun, but it was his. It was engraved with special patterns and he recognized the hand that had placed it on the countertop.

“You left this in my room last night, hyung.” The boy’s busan accented voice filled the room, he wasn’t trying to keep their little cuddle session a secret. The pair’s eyes met once again, Jeongin’s hurt still evident, but less apparent than before. He was the first to break, turning and walking toward the weapon’s room. Chan wanted to comment on the young boy’s appearance, but he knew that was one of the worst things he could do right then, so he held his tongue. The busan boy’s smaller frame was clearly growing by the day, looking much more buff than when he had first entered their ranks. Today, he wore a very oversized light jumper that was a burnt black color, it had a loose knit and a couple of rips and tears along it. He matched it with a pair of blood red doc martens and a red bandana to coordinate, as well as light eyeliner similar to Chans.

The thing that really set Chan off were the pair of black distressed jeans he wore, that had so many holes they could almost fall apart. They were a looser fit on the 17 year old, and with all the rips they gave a nice view of a pair of blood red fishnet tights underneath the boy’s jeans. Felix had seen the outfit as the boy was walking away and he choked on his coffee enough to make a scene, the provocative style seemed very out-of-place for the youngest member.

Jeongin entered the lock combination to the weapons room and walked into the terrifying area once again. He grabbed a glock, ammo, and a pair of training headphones from the wall and left, not spending much time in the dark room, locking it again once he exited. He headed to the front door, not saying a word to any of the members as he walked out and closed it behind him. He walked behind the garage to a makeshift training range, where he placed the gun and ammo on a worn down table as he put on his headphones. He loaded the gun and tuned the safety off, taking a deep breath before pulling the trigger of a gun for the first time in his life. The recoil was enough to bounce him backwards, and the sound was deafening, even with his headphones on. He missed horribly, but he knew he had to get better, so he regained his posture and continued.

---

Jeongin awoke the next morning to being shaken violently by Felix. He opened his eyes groggily and seemed very displeased with this obnoxious wake-up call. Felix stopped shaking him once his eyes were open and began to speak urgently.

“Fox, you need to get up now. Get ready as quick as you can and come to the dining room.” Felix spoke in a rushed manner, stumbling over the Korean words as he did so. Jeongin’s eyes widened and he suddenly realized that his time being a trainee were probably over. Felix left quickly and Jeongin got out of bed just as fast. He combed through his messy hair and washed his face before throwing on a pair of black ripped jeans and a loose gray tee, then rushed into the dining area of the home-like warehouse. The members were gathered, all looking rather tired, seated at the long table with Chan at the head of it. Jeongin took his seat quickly. By the looks on the other syndicate member’s faces, they probably didn’t know much more than Jeongin did at that moment. He didn’t even know how early in the morning it was. Chan decided to speak.

“09, we’ve been in a time of relative peace for about 4 months, since Jeongin joined us. We’ve been keeping a keen ear to the ground because this kind of peace is odd and often more dangerous than when we’re fighting with the other syndicates. We know now, thanks to a message from Orange Rose, that Purity Ring has been anything but silent. After their last defeat, they decided that they should go dormant to amass their ranks. They’ve recruited new members, and though we thought Jeongin was one of theirs in the beginning, he easily could’ve been inducted had we not found him. Hirai Momo, the leader of Purity Ring, has brought up and trained five new members since we last saw them. Seungmin, please show them the profiles.” Chan summarized the current events and the members were nodding in understanding most of the time. Jeongin, on the other hand, felt so lost. He didn’t know anything about Purity Ring, other than that they were the Clan’s rival gang. Seungmin stood up in Chan’s place, with his computer linked to a projector, and a clicker in hand. A fuzzy image popped up on the blank wall closest to them, and Seungmin began to speak. The young boy seemed a little bit nervous, though he’d done this kind of presentation a few times before.

“Alright, uhm, so the Ring has now upgraded to having ten members, like us. I’ll go over the original four, as well as the new members.” He spoke, clicking to the first slide on his presentation. An image of a tall-looking girl popped up, her shoulder-length caramel-colored hair was tied back into a ponytail and she wore general combat gear.

“This is Hirai Momo. She’s 21, originally from Japan, and the leader of Purity Ring as well as weapons specialist. Not much is known about her and her whereabouts, other than that she was born into poverty and forces her syndicate to main in the drug trade. She’s basically Chan’s reflection, but sloppier. She used to be the second-in-command, but we did away with the Ring’s leader last time we met.”

“Her right-hand man is Kim Hyunah. She’s also 21, and functions as the group’s diversion specialist, communications liaison, the brain of the team. She comes from Jeolla, where she has two high-school aged brothers. Her family doesn’t know that she’s involved in gang life, and she joined because their previous leader took her out of an 18+ type of club.”

“Our final original two are Kim Woosung and Kang Younghyun. They are in their same positions as always, both fighters, and really the scariest ones of the syndicate. Younghyun is from Ilsan, and Woosung is from Los Angeles, in America. They are both 21 as well, they’re never seen apart.”

“The first new member is a younger girl named Jang Dahye, but she goes by the name of Heize. She’s 19, from Daegu, and is the Ring’s version of me. She’s their tech expert, their hacker, and their behind-the-scenes director, she hardly ever goes out in the field.”

“Next we have Min Yoongi, previously of the Bangtan syndicate. He’s 20, and works as a sniper for the Ring. Previously, Purity did not have a sniper, and that was often an advantage we held over them, but it seems as though they’ve picked up on our tricks.”

“Their medical expert is Park Jinwoo, 20, from Ilsan. He isn’t much of a fighter, so he rarely goes into the field as well, making the Ring’s actual fighting numbers less than the full group potential. Not much is known about him, just that his mother is very ill and is currently in hospital care back in Ilsan.”

“Their version of Hyunjin, their treasurer, is Lee Jooheon. He’s a klepto, just like our own, and he’s 19. He’s also an extremely skilled fighter, he was classically trained for the majority of his childhood here in Seoul, so he has some of the best training you can imagine.”

“Lastly are the two runners, Choi Yoojung and Park Chaeyoung. Yoojung is the youngest, shes 17. Chaeyoung often goes by the name of Rosé, and she’s 19. They’re both drug mules for the Ring, Yoojung being from Gyeonggi, and Rosé being from Melbourne, Australia.”

Seungmin finished his presentation and the members started to talk amongst themselves before Chan got up again to finish the meeting. “We need to roll out late tonight. We’re running a stake out operation, so Seungmin will be finishing our tech for the remainder of the day. Go get ready, grab all your basic gear. We’ll leave at midnight to get to Purity Ring HQ by 1 AM.” BC spoke solidly, making his orders clear. The clan nodded and then got up to gather the necessary equipment and prepare for the mission.

Jeongin did the same, if not a bit more apprehensively than the other members. He threw on a black and white silk bomber jacket with an embroidered cityscape and Japanese characters on the back. He left his room and walked to the weapons room, since he had none of his own yet. He removed a spare weapons harness from the wall and attached it to his back underneath his jacket. He then grabbed two glock pistols and slipped them into the holsters on the harness, as well the oil-slick finished dagger he had spotted on his first day and slipped it into a sheath hidden on his ankle underneath the leg of his pants.

Minho and Changbin walked into the weapons room just as Jeongin was rolling his pants down after placing his knife into its sheath and took his leg off of the table he had placed it on previously. Minho smirked a little evilly.

“Hey there lover-boy. Ready for Daddy Channie to see you fail your first mission?” The older man sneered at Jeongin through smiling teeth as he grabbed a couple of pistols from the case as well, Changbin staying silent as he did the same. Jeongin rolled his eyes.

“Shut your mouth Minho. It’s just a stake-out to get their whereabouts, I probably don’t even have to be there. And I’m not a lover-boy, who the hell would I be loving?” Jeongin replied as he grabbed his jacket from the table in front of him in preparation to leave the room.

“Hmmm… well sleeping with our lovely leader, getting him all wrapped around your little fingers, as well as snagging Felix in your mess and dragging him along behind you. Who’s next? Seungmin? You two have seemed pretty friendly.” Minho threw his words at the youngest member as he loaded and cocked one of the pistols he had grabbed before and slipped it into a holster on his belt. Jeongin shook his head a bit in disbelief.

“Are you serious? You’re delusional. Felix and I are friends, he’s helped me out a lot since I’ve been here. And as for BC, he’s a little idiotic but we didn’t sleep together.” Jeongin spoke cooly before turning and walking out the door, stopping in the doorway briefly to finish his thought.

“I’d rather you not associate Chan and I together, especially in the way you’re insinuating.” He shot behind his shoulder before exiting the room and heading back into the main common room, where the rest of the Clan sat around, casually preparing themselves and their weapons for the upcoming mission. Jeongin took a seat near Felix and rolled up his pant leg again to adjust the knife holster that was now digging into his ankle. The older boy shot him a glance before continuing to clean his rifle. The large weapon was sleek in design and very tactile, though it was currently in pieces, waiting to be assembled. It was a STC Delta PDShP anti-material rifle, the very top-of-the-line for it’s kind. Felix didn’t say a word to the younger member, even as he sat in awe of his handiwork as he cleaned the scope and started to connect the pieces. After it was assembled, the rifle was almost 5 feet long, and Felix wiped the barrel down a couple more times before loading the weapon with bullets and casting another glance at Jeongin. The black-haired boy was a bit confused, as his friend wasn't talking to him. He suspected it was because of the other day when he cast Jeongin off, though the boy in question never seemed like the one to hold grudges, especially against people he took interest in.

Chan walked into the room, covered from head to toe in gear. He wore a black denim jacket, which Jeongin suspected was reinforced with protective layers of some kind, as well as gray acid-wash jeans and steel-toed black combat boots that reached his ankles. He had an equipment belt with a handgun on each side, as well as a couple of visible smoke bombs. He had a bandana loose around his neck, clearly there to be used later on to cover his face. His eyes were smudged with black eyeshadow and liner, giving a smokey-eyed effect that Jeongin wouldn’t want to admit made him a little weak in the knees.

“Let’s eat gang, we have about 4 hours until we have to roll out of here.” He spoke with purpose, and directed his words with the movement of his body towards the kitchen. Clan 09 followed suit one by one, finishing up the tasks they were doing before Chan’s call, and all either took seats at the dinner table or followed Chan into the kitchen to help make their meal.

The group decided on tteokbokki rather quickly and then they got to work cooking. Lively conversation was spread throughout the group, sounding much like a group of teens, despite their goulish appearances and the mass of destructive weapons currently scattered around their living space. Jeongin got swept up in it quickly, laughing at Jisung’s impressions and commenting here and there on Seungmin and Woojin’s conversation, as well as listening intently to a couple of Changbin’s clearly ridiculous tales of heroism. After a good dinner and an overly-lighthearted bout of conversation, the group knew what was coming up. They cleared the table and washed off their dishes, and then started to replace their weapons back on their persons.

Jeongin placed his handguns on his harness, and strapped the knife in its sheath back onto his ankle under his pant leg. Seungmin didn’t have much, he just handed out earpieces to each member and explained how to use them. He had one small pistol strapped to his right thigh, but he clearly didn’t seem comfortable with it. Felix’s sniper rifle was fully assembled and he had just heaved it onto his back where it now sat, the cross-strap having a couple of pieces of duct tape for decoration, Jeongin assumed. He also had a dagger on his left thigh as well as three small explosives on his belt, clearly for emergency purposes.

Jisung had a headset similar to Seungmin’s on, as well as a couple of small handguns on each of his thighs, and two knives on each of his calves. He had hardly any gear, as he had to be much closer to the target than any of the rest of the syndicate, and he would have to be able to make a quick escape if needed. Hyunjin had basic gear; a few glocks and knives, nothing too special. Changbin, however, was definitely of interest. The muscled man had one fully-automatic assault rifle across his back, as well as a full magazine for the weapon across his chest. He also had one pistol and two knives on his belt, as well as a pair of brass knuckles firmly in his grip. Minho also had basic gear, as well as gloves with sharp metal studs on each of the knuckles for melee combat. Woojin only had two pistols on his chest harness, everything else he carried was of medical use; bandages in pouches on his belt and a variety of different creams, sprays, and cloths in many places on his body.

Chan was the final person Jeongin inspected, and he was the most decked out in equipment. He had a semi-automatic assault rifle on his back, similar to Changbin’s, as well as three handguns and two knives that Jeongin could see with the naked eye, he was sure there were more. His smoke bombs were now accompanied by a few small explosives, and he had a much larger earpiece than the rest of the members. The leader of the team led them all to the beck exit of the warehouse, where it led into the main garage. They exited and deadbolted the door behind them, and piled into a reinvented school bus. Inside, there was tons of computer and communications technology, as well as boxes of ammo and a couple larger pieces of medical equipment. Chan took off the rifle on his back and set it on one of the many hooks on the wall. He walked to the front of the bus and started it, before turning back to the syndicate. A hush fell over the previously rowdy group of boys as they turned to their leader for instruction.

“Stay low. We don’t make a fuss if we don’t need to, and always wait for one of mine, Jisung, Seungmin, or Felix’s word before moving in or turning tail and taking off. This is only a stakeout so we’re not trying to start a bloodbath. Everything is going to be recorded from the moment we hit the site, so we can listen back and take note of anything and everything we can dig up from this small-scale investigation. Let’s move out.” And with that, Chan turned and began the drive to Purity Ring headquaters.

[latchingontoallofyou]

Now That I See You - Dayley

“Are you ready to go babe?” Derek asks coming into their bedroom. He finds her laying in the floor next to her suitcase. Her eyes are closed and he’s pretty certain she’s asleep.

Derek gets out his phone and texts Mark. They were supposed to go have dinner with Mark and BC tonight before they go to Utah for 2 weeks. They just celebrated their first Christmas and New Year’s together as a married couple. He just texted Mark to say they are going to have to bail tonight and sends a picture of Hayley asleep on the floor to explain.

The latest season of DWTS ended a month and a half ago for Hayley and their schedules have yet to slow down. They try to catch up on sleep whenever they can but he doubts this was a planned nap since her phone is face up next to her hand like it fell out of her hand and onto the floor. He’s not sure where he should wake her so she can finish packing or let her sleep a while longer.

He decides to move her from the floor at least and then go from there. He moves her phone away and then comes back and carefully lifts her off the floor. As he makes his way towards their bed, Hayley stirs and wakes up.

“What…”

“Shh, it’s ok. GO back to sleep. You can finish packing later.”

“Ok” she says as she cuddles her head against his chest. “Wait! I’m not done packing? Oh my goodness, put me down! I need to finish. I remember now. I had gotten a text from Brit and then decided I earned a break so I was on Instagram. I guess I fell asleep.”

“We’ve been busy. I don’t blame you.”

“Wait, what time is it? We have dinner with…”

“It’s ok. I already told them we aren’t going to make it tonight. They said they totally understand and we’ll just meet up when we come back.”

“But you have…”

“We’ll figure it out.”

“Did you tell them we were about to do it again? Is that why they are so ok with us ditching them?”

“I said I was sorry and I wouldn’t do that again so no. I sent them this” he says as he pulls up the picture and shows it to her.”

“Oh. Well good. Now go so I can focus and finish packing. Tell them maybe we can meet for dessert. I don’t have too much left to pack.”

“Ok. Call for me if you need me.”

“Why would I need you? I am a strong and capable woman. I…”

“I know. I’m sorry. I’ll be in the living room.”

Once he leaves, Hayley gets off the bed where they had been sitting and gets back to work. As she puts in the last of the clothes, she pulled out to pack, she starts to feel tired and maybe even a bit nauseous, probably from not having dinner yet. She nibbles on the crackers she always has hidden in their room for the nights she wakes up hungry, which is way too often. They aren’t really helping though right now.

She tries to quickly move on to her shoes, just throwing them into her second suitcase with her makeup. She adds a few last things and closes her suitcases. But when she goes to get up, she can’t seem to do it. Not only is her body exhausted but her mind and she’s still not feeling right. All she can do is lay down on the ground again and cry.

She’s not sure how long she’s been crying when she hears Derek coming down the hall. She tries to stop crying but she just can’t seem to do it, making her start to cry harder.

“Wonder woman, how are you doing in here? Are you hungry? I would make us… Baby, what’s wrong?” he says when he comes into the room and sees Hayley curled up on the floor crying. He rushes over and lays her head in his lap, running his fingers through her hair, knowing how much she loves it.

“I don’t know” she cries out. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I just… I’m so tired and I couldn’t get up. I just don’t feel right.”

“Oh baby. I hope you aren’t getting sick. That would make for a sad trip.”

“I can’t be sick!”

“Babe, we can’t really control that. How about I make you some soup. Let’s get you into bed first.”

As Derek lifts her up off the floor again and carries her to the bed, she gets really mad, clearly showing it on her face as the last tears run down her cheeks.

“What’s wrong Hayley. You look mad.”

“I am. We’re going to have to cancel on Mark and BC again. Twice in one night, all because of me not being able to push away my tiredness like I normally can. They are going to think we are terrible friends all because of me. You should just go without me” Hayley says as she curls into a ball on the bed and throws the covers up so her head is just barely poking out.

“Baby, I never even asked them about dessert. I want to wait to see how you felt after you were done and I’m glad I did. We are staying here tonight. Let me go make some soup. It always seems to help you feel better. Will you be ok?”

“I’ll be fine. I’m…”

“Wonder woman. I know. I’ll be back soon.”

“I’ll try not to fall asleep this time” she laughs as she grabs her phone off the night stand, uncovering herself a bit from the covers.

As she goes through Instagram again, she starts to smell the soup. Normally she loves that smell but tonight it’s just not doing it for her, almost making her feel worse.

“Derek” she calls out. He comes rushing in.

“What’s wrong? Are you ok? You look…”

“Can we not have the soup?”

“Sure. I’ll… what do you want instead?”

“PB&J?”

“Coming right up.”

“Thank you.”

“Anything for you, my love.”

When Derek comes back with their sandwiches, strawberries, carrots, and water, he lays them on the bed and goes to open the windows.

“Just a little bit. Just until the smell goes away.”

“Thank you. I don’t know what it was but…”

“It smelled weird tonight. Thanks for dinner in bed.”

“Anything for you, my love. You know this dinner reminds me of…”

“School lunches? Yea, me too. I love it. I usually had yogurt and…”

“A treat?” Hayley jumps in saying. “We didn’t have any more yogurt and I figured we see how you feel after these and then we could pick a treat if you are up for it.”

“Good idea. I don’t think I’ll be up for it. I’m struggling enough with this.”

“I’m sorry love. I wish I knew what to do to make you feel better.”

“It’s ok. I think I’ll just be calling it a night after this and just going to bed. I’m exhausted.”

“I’ll join you.”

“It’s ok. You can watch TV or whatever. I’m so tired I’ll be out so fast it doesn’t even matter. I love you though.”

“I love you too but are you sure?”

“Yes. Go and enjoy the rest of the night. I’ll be fine.”

“Ok. I’ll just wait until you are done eating.”

“I’m done. I can’t handle anymore.”

“Ok. Goodnight, love.”

“Goodnight” she says and kisses him.

He takes his empty plate and puts it under her plate with her forth of a sandwich, 2 strawberries, and almost all of her carrots left, and he takes them out of the room, closing the door behind him. Once he’s gone, Hayley sends a quick text to Katherine and then goes to the bathroom before crawling back to bed and quickly drifting off to sleep.

~

Stepping off the plane in Utah, Hayley still isn’t feeling like herself. She’s so ready to be able to curl up like she really wants to do. Derek was trying to make her comfortable all flight but nothing was working.

When they’ve gathered their bags, they head to pick up their rental car. Thankfully they have already paid for a car so all they have to do is check in and then wait for a car to come. As they wait, Hayley is cuddled up to Derek’s chest as they stand waiting. He keeps kissing her head and rubbing her back.

“I think this one is ours Hayls.”

“You didn’t get a small, fancy one for once.”

“I listen to you baby.”

“I mean, it never made sense to get a sports car here with all the snow and all.”

“Yea, yea. I know” Derek says shaking his head.

They thank the company and climb into the SUV after putting their luggage in the back. Derek hops into the driver’s seat, plugs in the address to Katherine’s house into his phone.

“You don’t remember how to get there?”

“I mean, yes but… I don’t know. I guess I’d rather be safe than sorry. It will lead us around any traffic we might hit.”

“Alright, that makes sense.”

“Are you feeling better now that we are off the plane? You didn’t seem like yourself. Is this more of how you felt last night?”

“I guess I feel a bit better. Not much though. Yea, it’s kind of like last night. A bit different though. I don’t know how to explain it.”

“I’m sorry baby. I wish I could make it better.”

“I know. It’s ok. I’ll have time to recover while we are here so don’t worry. I’ll be fine.”

“Not much on the plan for this trip. I did tell Katherine we’d watch the girls tonight so they can go to her work party.”

“I know. I texted her last night to let her know how I’ve been feeling in case she wants to keep the littlest one with her since she’s so little. Wouldn’t want someone that young to catch whatever bug I picked up.”

“Good thinking. Oh, I can’t wait to finally hold little Abi. The pictures and video chats just aren’t cutting it anymore.”

“I know. I can’t wait to squeeze Ari and Adi too. I love those girls so much.”

“And they love you. Katherine said when they found out we are going to watch them, they ran around yelling ‘Aunt Hayley’s coming to watch us’. They love you more than me. I’m like chopped liver to them now.”

“You’re right. They do.”

“Hey! You’re supposed to say ‘no, they love us the same’ or something like that.”

“Well, I didn’t want to lie so…”

“Ouch” he laughs. “We’re almost there. Are you doing alright?” he asks as she shifts around in her chair, looking very uncomfortable.

“I’ll be ok. I’m just going to close my eyes for a little while. I think all of the trees are making me feel car sick.”

“Oh, of course. I’ll wake you when we get there.”

“Thank you.”

~

“Aunt Hayley!” Ari and Adi both squeal when she and Derek walk into the house. They both come running over. She gets down to their level and opens her arms so she can hug them both.

“They really do love her more” Derek says hugging his sister.

“No doubt about that. They do love you though. You know that, right? No one could top Uncle Derek.”

“They’ve already ran off with Hayley and I didn’t ever get a hello or a hug.”

“I’ll go get them. They have better manors than that. Sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it. Now where is little Abi? I want to hold that sweet girl of yours.”

“Oh, sorry D. She’s actually sleeping without someone holding her so I want her to sleep as long as she can. Once she wakes and I’ve fed her, you’ll be the first to hold her.”

“Thanks. Maybe I’ll be her favorite.”

“You’re a piece of work” Katherine says as she goes in search of Hayley and the girls.

She finds them in Ari’s room. Hayley’s sitting on the bed looking exhausted while Adi shows off her latest creation and Ari plays with her hair.

“Ari, Adi, didn’t you forget to say hi to someone. He’s pretty sad and thinks…”

“Uncle Derek!” Adi gasps, dropping the paper she was holding and runs out of the room with Ari quickly following behind her.

“You look like you could crash any second. How are you feeling?”

“I feel exhausted. I had to fight falling asleep sitting up while Ari was playing with my hair. I feel sick. Last night I thought I was just feeling like that because we ate a late dinner. Derek was making me soup but it made me feel worse and I just wanted PB&J so he made that instead. I just haven’t been feeling like myself.”

“How long have you felt like this?”

“I don’t know. I ‘ve been exhausted since… well more than normal for two, three weeks probably.”

“How about feeling sick?”

“On and off.”

“Yea, how long would you say that’s been?”

“Um, a week or so but… Oh my goodness.”

“Catching on to what I’m hinting at, huh?”

“I think so. Do you really think I could be… could it really be that?”

“It could be. There’s only one way to know for sure. Do you want to…”

“Yes, but how? Derek won’t let me go out on my own knowing how I feel. I don’t want to tell him until I know for sure. I mean, I don’t… we haven’t talked about when. We just know we would like to have children at some point. “

“Don’t stress too much over it. You know he’ll be so down to have children, you’ll never have any. A baby is a great way to make you look at your life and see what is really important. It’ll all work out. I promise.”

“I sure hope so.”

“I don’t think I have any tests here. I’ll pick you up some tonight on my way home. That way you don’t have to go out and you can take it whenever you are ready.”

“Thank you. You’re a life saver. Just let me know how much I owe you.”

“Nothing besides the first person to hear about his reaction and the title of the best auntie.”

“Deal.”

“Great. I think I hear Abi. I’m going to go get her.”

“I should go find Derek and the girls.”

~

“Abi’s bottles are in the fridge. I just fed her so she should be good for a little while. Just warm them up first. Big girls should go to bed no later than 8:30 so we don’t have big cranky messes tomorrow. Girls like pizza but you can have whatever you want for dinner, within reason. You know where diapers are. I pulled out their pajamas. Oh and…”

“Katherine, would you calm down. We’ll be fine, won’t we girls.”

“Yes!” Ari and Adi say together.

“Alright, alright. Have fun and be good girls. Go to bed when Aunt Hayley and Uncle Derek say. We’ll kiss you both goodnight when we get home but you’ll be asleep so we’ll see you in the morning.”

After a few more hugs and kisses for all three girls. TY and Katherine finally head out, leaning Derek and Hayley in charge of all three girls. Ari and Adi are playing with their American Girl Dolls. Hayley is cuddled up on the couch with a pillow in her lap and a cup of tea in hand. Derek has Abi asleep in his arms on the other side of the couch.

“Girls, are you hungry?” Hayley asks.

“Yes” Adi says.

“What do you want for dinner? Mommy said you like pizza. Do you want pizza?”

“Yes please.”

“Oh, nice manors” Hayley smiles. “What kind of pizza do you like?”

“I like Hawaiian” Ari says.

“I like cheese” Adi says.

“Alright, we’ll get both” Derek says. “Babe, do you want anything else?”

“No, thank you. That sounds great.”

“Ok. I’ll go order. You girls alright in here?”

“Yes. Do you want me to hold Abi so you can order?”

“No. I’m alright” he says standing up carefully holding Abi close to his chest and then heads into the kitchen to order.

“Aunt Hayley, are you ok? Mommy said that we have to be very nice and not to be too crazy for you” Ari says looking up at Hayley.

“Oh, um, I’m just a bit tired and not feeling my best. I’ll be alright.”

“Do you want to cuddle my bear?” Adi asks sweetly. “It always helps me to feel better.”

“Thanks sweetie but…”

“I’ll go get him” Adi says excitedly jumping up off the floor. She runs off in the direction of her bedroom.

Derek comes back in before Adi comes back so he looks around confused. He settles back onto the couch with Abi.

“Where’d she go?”

“To get her bear for Aunt Hayley” Ari says matter of factly.

“Oh.”

“Here Aunt Hayley. Hold Henry. He always makes me feel better. I know he’ll help you too. We talked about it in my room.”

“Thank you, Adi. You’re so sweet. I’ll take great care of him. Hayley says as she takes the soft brown bear from her sweetly smiling niece and cuddles it close, being extra careful not to spill her tea.

“Do you girls want to do something while we wait for the pizzas to come? We could play a game or…”

“Can we dance, Uncle Derek?” Ari asks. “I love dancing with you.”

“I guess we can do that. How about we go to the basement.”

“How will we hear the pizza come if we are down there? The doorbell isn’t that loud. If we don’t answer the door, we won’t get our pizza.”

“Ari, if we dance up here, we might…”

“Mommy let us!”

“How about this” Hayley jumps in saying. “How about you and Uncle Derek go dance in the basement and Abi and I stay up here and wait for the pizza’s. We’ll call you up when the pizza gets here.”

“I’ll stay with you too Aunt Hayley. We can color” Adi says.

“Sounds like a plan to me. What do you think Ari? Can we go to the basement to dance now?” Derek asks.

“Ok” Ari says with a smile and heads to the basement. Derek follows after her after he passes Abi to Hayley. Hayley looks over at Adi who gives her the sweetest smile.

“Is Henry making you feel better?”

“I think so” Hayley smiles back. “What should we color?” she asks as she lays Abi in her swing, waiting to make sure she stays asleep before turning to look at Adi.

“I’ll get my coloring books!”

~

When the pizza arrived, they decided to have a picnic with their pizza in the living room and watch a movie. They were rocking to good old Rapunzel.

Hayley is holding Abi, giving her a bottle while Derek lays on the floor with both Adi and Ari laying on either side of him, heads on his chest. Hayley is trying her hardest to not think about her conversation with Katherine. Feeling as bad as she does, she’s becoming more and more anxious for bed time, but more importantly, Katherine to come home with some test. Seeing Derek with the girls tonight made her hopeful that Derek will all be ok with this. She knows he’s amazing with children so she’s never been worried about that.

Abi finishes her bottle so Hayley sits her up, holding her head up with one hand and patting her back with the other while she sits on her leg. This feels so normal and natural and she loves it. When Abi burps, Hayley moves Abi back into the crook of her arm and smiles down at the sweet little girl in her arms, eyes wide open and looking right at Hayley.

“This is Aunt Hayley’s favorite part, isn’t it babe?” she hears Derek say, pulling her attention off Abi’s eyes for a split second to look up at the movie to see Rapunzel and Flynn in the boat, waiting for the lights.

“Sure is. Your Uncle Derek loves it too. He knows every word to the song.” Hayley looks back down at Abi’s sweet face and begins to sing along with the movie.

All those days, watching from the windows

All those years, outside looking in

All that time, never even knowing

Just how blind I’d been

Now I’m here, blinking in the starlight

Now I’m here, suddenly I see

Standing here, it’s all so clear

I’m where I’m meant to be

She continues on with the verse without even looking up from Abi’s face. As she sings, Abi watches her intently and happily. She knows Derek’s part is coming up but she can’t take her eyes off of Abi to watch Derek sing like she normally does. She is thinking about the possible baby growing inside her and how in a few months, the baby she’s staring at could be their own

Now she’s here, shinning in the starlight

Now she’s here, suddenly I know

If she’s here, it’s crystal clear

I’m where I’m meant to go

Derek cuddles Ari and Adi closer as he and Hayley hit the duet together. He looks over at the them and they are both staring at him with big smiles. When they see they have been caught staring, they quickly turn back to the movie.

And it’s warm and real and bright

And the world has somehow shifted

All at once, everything looks different

Now that I see you

Now that I see you

When the song ends, Ari and Adi clap for the, startling Abi and making her cry. Hayley stands up, moving her in her arms and walks around, bouncing her to try and sooth her tears. Once she’s calmed, Hayley decides now a good time to change Abi’s diaper and put her pajamas on her. She gets to the stairs when she hears Derek.

“Are you alright babe?”

“Yea. I’m going to change her” she says quickly feeling really nauseous.

“Let me take her. You come relax. You don’t feel good so you should be relaxing.”

“I’m fine Derek.”

“Babe, come sit down.”

“Aunt Hayley, Henry bear and I will sit with you.”

“Ok” she says and comes back into the living room. She passes Abi to Derek with a halfhearted smile, unable to muster any more than that. He kisses her cheek and heads out of the living room. Adi is already on the couch with Henry. Ari is still laying on the floor where she’d been laying with Derek.

Hayley settles back into her spot on the couch and puts her arm around Adi. Adi moves against Hayley’s side and puts Henry into Hayley’s lap. Hayley kisses her head and puts a hand on Henry.

~

“Alright, the big girls are down” Hayley says as she collapses back onto the couch where Derek is giving Abi her bottle.

“How are you feeling?”

“Eh, alright I guess.”

“You can go up to bed if you want. I’ll finish giving her her bottle and then put her to bed. I’ll be up as soon as I can.”

“I’m ok. I just want to sit here awhile with you” she says and pulls her legs up to her chest and rests her head on them.

“You sure you’re ok?”

“Yea. You know, you’ve been really great with the girls today. You gave them all attention.”

“Oh, it’s no big deal.”

“You were really great with Abi too.”

“Thanks love. You were amazing with her too. You are such a natural. It makes me hopeful.”

“Really? For what?”

“For the day in the future when we have one of these of our own.”

“That would be nice” Hayley smiles. “How far into the future do you think that would be?”

“I don’t know. Things just need to slow down first I think. I mean we are like rarely home and we have so much on the schedule right now. I just don’t think it would be a good idea right now.

Hayley sinks further into the couch, trying not to let the tears that are threatening to fall, fall. She lets her legs fall down and she avoids looking at Derek.

“What if we never slow down?” she says in almost a whisper.

“We will eventually. It might not be this year or maybe even next but we will. We still have time love. It’s not like it needs to happen now.”

“But what if…”

“Hayley, now’s not the time.”

“But what about if I want to? What if I want to table about this now? What if I want to…”

“Hayley, when would we even…”

“Why do you get to decide this all on your own without even asking what I want? Does my opinion not matter? We are married we are supposed to decide all this together.”

“What do you want, baby? Tell me.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Babe, you can’t yell at me about not listening to your opinion and then not tell me yours. We can’t fix this if you don’t talk to me.”

“Not now.”

“If not now than when?”

“When she’s in bed.”

“Fine. Let me go put her to bed and then we’ll talk.”

Hayley doesn’t say anything as Derek stands up with Abi asleep in his arms. He looks at Hayley, hoping she’ll look at him. He sighs and walks away towards the stairs. When he is far enough away, Hayley curls her knees back up to her chest and lets the tears begin to fall finally. It’s not like she could hold them back any longer, even if she tried. With her head on her knees and arms wrapped around her legs, she lets it all out. This was not how she was expecting this conversation to go. She thought he’d be surprised bit still be ecstatic at the thought like she is. She’s not sure what she’s going to do now. Maybe she’ll just…”

“Baby, I’m so sorry for not listening to you and what you think. I was so stupid and selfish. I want to know what you think so we can…”

“Derek, you aren’t listening to me! It doesn’t matter.”

“Yes, it does Hayley. Your opinion always matters. We are one now. We have to talk about everything, but especially the big ones like this. So, yea, it matters and we need to talk about it. If you really don’t want to talk about it tonight, fin, but we can’t let it go too long. Ok?”

“Ok but it doesn’t…”

“Hayley!” Derek sighs out and sinks back into the couch.

“No. Stop interrupting me Derek” she says as the tears suddenly stop and she’s now fuming mad. “Let me actually finish what I have to say and don’t say a word until I’m done. Understand?”

“I…”

“Not a word. Got it” she demands as she drops her legs and sits straight, turning so she is looking right into his eyes.

When Derek nods, Hayley has to hold back a smile. He looks a bit afraid. She can’t remember a time she was this stern and so serious towards him.

“Now, it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter what I think. It doesn’t matter what you think. It doesn’t matter because it’s not up to us anymore. We have no say in the matter anymore. Baby, I… I’m… well, I think I’m pregnant. Don’t! Nothing is for sure yet. I haven’t even taken a test yet.”

“Can I…”

“You can ask me questions now.”

“Thank you. Why haven’t you taken a test?”

“Well because your sister only pointed it out to me today when I was telling her about how I’ve been feeling. She kept asking how long I’d had all these symptoms and I finally caught on. I knew you’d never let me go out on my own with how bad I’ve been feeling. Katherine said she’d pick some test up for me on their way home tonight.”

“You’re pregnant?” Derek says staring right at her but showing no emotion so she can’t read how he is feeling.

“Maybe. I think so but I’m not sure. I can’t be until I’ll take a test and then I’ll know for sure, we’ll know for sure.”

“Ok” he says. She still can’t figure out how he’s feeling about all this.

“Derek, I know you said now wasn’t a great time but…”

“Hayley, I’m just trying to process. I also don’t want to get my hopes up. To be honest, I’m totally scared but I’m really excited at the possibility. We’ll figure everything out, I promise.”

“But…”

“I know what I said earlier. I was being stupid and self-centered. I…I…”

“Thought you had control over our schedule for once and didn’t want anything changing it.”

“Wow, I was that full of myself, huh?”

“It’s my job to call you out on it.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Can we watch a movie now. I just want to lay down. I’m feeling sick again.”

“Of course,” he says as she grabs the remote and then settles back on the couch, motioning for Hayley to come closer to him.

Hayley pulls the blanket off the top of the couch and lays down so her head is laying in her lap. Derek starts playing with her hair while they pick a movie to watch. They settle on Captain America. Hayley agreed on it because she knows she won’t last long into the movie before falling asleep. And she was right because barely 20 minutes into the movie, Hayley is asleep.

~

When TJ and Katherine come home, they movie is just about over. Derek’s trying to decide whether or not to wake Hayley up and see if she wants to take a test now or if he should let her sleep since she hasn’t been getting enough lately.

“Hey, how’d the night go?”

“Great. The girls were very good. We had a pizza picnic for dinner while we watched a movie. It was awesome.”

“Great! Thank you so much D. How’s she been feeling? Has she been feeling any better?”

“She didn’t say anything except when the girls asked. Adi even brought her Henry to cuddle. We talked earlier.”

“Yea…”

“Yea. I’m going to let her sleep. She needs it. It might kill me bt I’ll wait until tomorrow to find out if she’s pregnant or not.”

“She caved and told you, huh?”

“Yea. Let’s just say I was stupid when she brought up the topic of children earlier so she kind of yelled at me to shut up and then she told me.”

“How do you feel?”

“Scared. Nervous. Excited, Worried. Hopeful.”

“Sounds about right” TJ says with a smile. “I’ve felt that every time.”

“You need to go get some sleep. Tomorrow will be full of emotion no matter what the results are.”

“I don’t know if I’ll be able to sleep.”

“Just hold your wife and sleep will come” Katherine says sweetly, handing the bag of tests to Derek before taking TJ’s hand, heading towards their room.

Derek turns the TV off, hooks the bag on his arm and carefully moving Hayley’s head off his lap. He then stands up and carefully picks Hayley up and carries her up to the guest room they are staying in.

~

When Hayley wakes up, she’s confused of where she is. It takes her a moment to remember they are at Katherine and TJ’s house. She’s not sure how they made it into the guest room because she doesn’t remember moving last night. Derek must have brought her in last night.

She rolls over and is about to go to the bathroom but stops herself. She can’t go to the bathroom yet because she doesn’t have a test. So instead of getting up, she rolls over, cuddling up to Derek, laying her head in his chest. She scratches her fingers on his chest, hoping it wakes him up.

“Good morning” she suddenly hears Derek say, scaring her a bit. “Any news yet.?”

“No. I wouldn’t do it without you. Plus, I don’t have any test so how could I have any news?”

“You haven’t gone to the bathroom? I put them in there on the counter. Katherine gave them to me last night when they came home after I mentioned it.”

“Oh good. Thank you. I’m going to go to the bathroom. I have to pee really bad and…”

“Will you come out here to wait when you are done? I want to wait with you.”

“Of course!”

Hayley gets up quickly out of bed and rushes to the bathroom. She finds a bag on the counter just like Derek said. She dumps out the bag. Along with five different kinds of tests, a paper falls out. She picks up the paper and turns it over to see a note from Katherine.

Each time I found out I was pregnant I took all these just to be certain. Use a plastic cup from under the sink. Dunk the tests and then sit on the counter. Love you! – K

Hayley pulls out a cup from under the sink, feeling a bit weird about all of this. The want to know takes over and she sits down with the cup. When she’s done, she dips all of the tests in the cup, caps them and puts them on the counter. She sets her timer on her phone for 3 minutes and heads back into the room. He climbs onto the bed with Derek and sets her phone in front of them so they can watch the timer go down together.

“We’ll be ok either way, right?” Hayley suddenly says.

“Yes” Derek says kissing her. “Although, I’m really excited now. I’m really hoping it comes out positive.”

“Me too. All five of them.”

“Five?”

“Yes, five. Your sister bought five and I wanted to be sure either way so I took all five.”

“Wow. Is it just me or is this the longest three minutes of our lives.”

“Yes. It has to be almost done. I’ll just go…”

“I’ll come with you. I want to know too.”

“I turned them upside down and I promise, I won’t peek. I’d rather look at them here than in the bathroom.”

“I get it. Hurry.”

“I’m going but you know I can’t make time go faster” she says as she gets up and goes to the bathroom.

Hayley comes rushing back into the room with the sticks in hand and jumps back onto the bed just before the timer goes off. Derek shuts the timer off and looks at Hayley who has her eyes closed.

“I shouldn’t have done that. That made me nauseous.”

“Do you need a minute babe?”

“No way! I can’t wait another minute. You ready?”

“Yes. Oh goodness yes.”

Hayley smiles up at Derek and lays the tests on the bed. Together they turn over the test and stare at all of them.

“They’re…”

“Baby” Derek breaths out.

“We’re…”

“We are” he smiles.

“It all makes sense now” Hayley smiles. “I’m pregnant.”

“No doubt about it. They all are positive.”

“Are you happy?” Hayley says looking at Derek again. Her face dropped and he looks so worried.

“Beyond happy. I can’t even explain it. We’re going to be parents Hayley.”

“But we have…”

“A lot of figuring out to do but it’s so worth it. I love you so much Hayley. I love you and this baby so much!”

“I love you too. We both love you too. We have to tell Katherine” Hayley smiles.

“And our parents and…”

“No, not yet Derek. Not until we’ve gone to the doctors at least but really I’d rather wait until it’s a bit safer.”

“Safer?”

“When I’m less likely to abort or…”

“That’s not going to happen.”

“We don’t know that.”

“I know but we have to have hope. Ok?”

“Ok. I’m going to text Katherine.”

“You’re going to tell her through text?”

“No. I just want to see if she’s up.”

H- Are you awake?”

K- I have a baby and two young girls.

H- Right. Can you step away for a minute and come here?

K- On my way.

Soon there is a knock on the door. Derek tells her to come in and Hayley hides the tests and their smiles.

“Good morning. Everything alright?”

“Good morning and well, we need your help. Can you tell us what theses mean?” Hayley says and pulls back the blankets to reveal the tests. Katherine squeals and starts jumping up and down.

“I knew it! I knew it! Oh, congratulations!”

“Thank you! Just one thing. We don’t want to tell anyone else yet so please…”

“I won’t say a word until you say I can.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Now if you are up for some breakfast, I made pancakes with the girls.”

“Yum! We’ll be right out.”

“I think that’s just what the baby needs” Hayley smiles as she rubs her tummy. Derek kisses her before they head to the kitchen, still in a bit of disbelief and hoping they aren’t acting any different. Their whole world has just changed for the better.

This prompt is from two prompt request from someone on Wattpad. 

- Hayley prompt where they’re in Utah and they offer to babysit Derek’s nieces Ari and Add and their baby sister (who isn’t born IRL but is weeks old in the prompt)

- Dayley prompt where they’re married and Hayley brings up the topic of having kids, nut Derek has too much going on in his career to give her a firm yes. She doesn’t like his response and ends up accidentally breaking the news that she’s pregnant. 

This is obviously fiction becuase 1. Hayley and Derek aren’t married and 2. Katherine isn’t due until January. 

If you have any prompts you’d like to see, send them to me. I mostly write Valenna and Dayley but I’d be up to trying others.  

[bythepowerof4]

clea and nick and a very confusing two day argument @nickatnightwalker

[during daisy’s 420 dash shenanigans]

bythepowerof4nnnno dont encourage her this is bad

nickatnightwalkerim encouraging her to be distracted byh being queen of something clea

bythepowerof4noooooo i dont think its gonna work like that shell just try harder

or maybe not i dontt fucking know i dont know anything

nickatnightwalkersame my guy but it was a chance i was willing to take on behalf of all of us

bythepowerof4ok sure great fingers crossed whatEVER

we are all sooo super grateful

nickatnightwalkeroh this is worse

bythepowerof4that wasnnt even a goov fucking burn

bythepowerof4that was so LAME and she thinks she s so SMART and i hate her

and i dont wanna talk about it actually how are you

nickatnightwalkeri am

dying

bythepowerof4Great

nickatnightwalkeri would have gray hair by now if it were possible for me to have melanin

bythepowerof4youre not helping though!!!!! uoure engaging!!!!!

noo ok not my business

this is meant to be chill i want to be chill

nickatnightwalkerjus wait till the bowl goes around again

nickatnightwalkeri was trying to distract her you kmnow thats the only way to stop the daisymobile

bythepowerof4thats not fair you know thats not fair

nickatnightwalkerwhat waiting for the bowl or the daisymobile

bythepowerof4Both duh

nickatnightwalkeryes i know, and, also unfair that this is happening on 420 day or our lord and savior snoop

bythepowerof4its not fair that we have to deal with this whether it happens or not wee could just like walk away from the weird passive aggressive blogging ccrcle right now if we so chose

yeah????

because this isnt FUN nickolas it is not

nickatnightwalkeri personally am having a loads of fun messing with ines

you have to dea l with everything when it happens so this is just a thign

bythepowerof4oh cool great youre just as bad fantastic news

nickatnightwalkerok i did no t and have not publicly read anybody out yet to date

i only do that privatley and only when it suits me

bythepowerof4:/

://////

bythepowerof4look at u ur being a dick right niw!!!!

nickatnightwalkeroh what to ines

im screwing with her

shes trying to fight me

bythepowerof4because this is soo the best way to deal with that sort of situation

nickatnightwalkerits just funny idk why shes getting all snaked out of shape

bythepowerof4"hot" you dick????

Youre both being gross now stop it!!!

nickatnightwalkera joke

a JOKE

shes a lesiabn

also just like

no

bythepowerof4its not FUNNY nick

neither of you are funny its weird and annoying and embarrassing

nickatnightwalkershe wants ot punch me bc i sias d bite me

i dondt really feel like imobligagated to take her seriously anymore

besides shes a shit so no t only is it funny to watch her blow a gasket over the same google image snatched pic i also like pissing her off

bythepowerof4u arent obligated to fight w her either but ur doing that,, a lot

idk

Im not making sense

nickatnightwalkerthis is brely a fight

[nothing until nick sends the photo]

bythepowerof4im not mad at you and im not mad at her so can you not tag team revenge for once in your fucking life

we're having an almost genuine conversation for once without you interjecting to make fun of me and pretend play matchmaker for shits and giggles so can you please, please cut it out

nickatnightwalkerim not making fun of you

nickatnightwalkerif i was making fun of you itd be a lot meaner

you should be flattered i even considereed encourragign you to go for daisy

[next day]

bythepowerof4hey!! how are you feeling haha, is ur hair still going grey

bythepowerof4im not trying to act like nothing is bad btw i just wanted to start it off nice sorry :/

nickatnightwalkermy hair's moved past being gray and now it's black, so im inadvertently copying misha again

bythepowerof4lmao this is some goth power play shit love it

nickatnightwalkerwhite haired twink is out 2008 gerard way is in

bythepowerof4as it should be!! do you need eyeliner like i don't have any but it would really make the Look

nickatnightwalkerwhy would i need that when i have dry erase markers to just apply liberally to my face

bythepowerof4so resourceful?? pinterest diy that shit

bythepowerof4we can raid the art rooms, get some glue while we're at it and cut a big chunk out of your hair gel budget

nickatnightwalkerdanger with that is potentially overgluing and making it fragile and breakable like glass

bythepowerof4glass bones and paper skin and glass hair also. got it

i mean youre pretty protective of it already i doubt anyone would notice the difference!!

nickatnightwalkerevery morning i break my legs getting out of bed

bythepowerof4do your heart attacks put you to sleep bc i know that feeling

nickatnightwalkeryeah thats why i sleep like four separate times a day

bythepowerof4and i thought that was just a #relateableteen thing

bythepowerof4so not to be weird but is this like. Chilly lackluster banter or are you actually not mad at me

nickatnightwalkerno im pissed

bythepowerof4ok

can i ask why

nickatnightwalkeri mean well first ya came at me for fucking with you which

like i said

i do but it's obvious

then you were a shit to daisy

so

thats that

bythepowerof4iiii mean. you said you wouldnt do that anymore. and then you did. i was just upset

and im sorry about daisy, i told her that too

bythepowerof4like really sorry!!

i just think its weird that someone can say, threaten to kill her and call her a bitch all the time

and youll date him

but i cant get a little upset when we're all high and im having a super stressful few days!!

nickatnightwalkerdo what anymore

bythepowerof4fuck with me

about her

nickatnightwalkerim not

i havent been

bythepowerof4you did though

bythepowerof4like what else was that picture

nickatnightwalkeryou said she was weird and creepy and i sent a picture of her being cute and sweet

bythepowerof4i said she was ACTING weird and creepy which objectively is an accurate description for someone talking about throbbing tentacle dicks and using the word "quivering" in relation to the nether regions of the girl they beat up for fun

but like, what do i know

i dont think shes weird and creepy and thats not what that photo was about im not an idiot

nickatnightwalkerlisten i frankly think everyone needs to reserve their judgment on the moire and daisy situation because it's clearly very complex and beyond the comprehension of mortal men and none of our fucking business to judge one way or another and, yknow, imho, moire has gills and misha smells like magic and youre 4d so maybe also reserve your fucking judgment on who's weird around here anyway

bythepowerof4i know thats why i apologized

nickatnightwalkershe can say shit like that and still be cute and sweet

bythepowerof4but like i said, high and upset and still getting used to this, so u can forgive me for one slip up surely

nickatnightwalkershe contains motherfucking multitudes

bythepowerof4thats not what you were saying though!! you didnt say that

you sent me a picture trying to make me jealous or something, just like she was saying, because obviously i cant have a private conversation with either one of you

nickatnightwalkerif youre jealous thats your problem

bythepowerof4im NOT

you both keep acting like i am thats not fair!!!

nickatnightwalkeri wasnt youre the one who's fixated on it

dont believe i ever said the j word

bythepowerof4i didnt either!! she did!!!

im not fixated on anything i just want to be able to talk to you without you making it about her all the time

nickatnightwalkerweve occasionally talked about more than daisy im p sure

bythepowerof4:/ you know what i meant

nickatnightwalkerwell this IS about her whether you think im continually screwing with you in some single minded attempt to torment you or not

and im not a fan of someone who says theyre her friend telling her shit like that

bythepowerof4i said SORRY it happens ok!!! i feel really awful about it why do you think i was so upset yesterday?

nickatnightwalkeri dont know dude i was baked

bythepowerof4i didnt know that specific thing upset her so much bc no one gave me a rule book for this shit and im never gonna do it again

nickatnightwalkerok cool

im also deciding rightnow this second i dont care if you believe why i sent the picture or not because youre so dead set on me trying to fuck with you ill never change your mind

and for the record

damians never called her a bitch again

nickatnightwalkerand if he tried to kill her, id be more concerned about scraping enough of him up off the sidewalk to fill a bucket

bythepowerof4youre not even gonna try to understand why i might think that

like i could tell you if u gave enough of a shit to listen yeah

nickatnightwalkeris poor self esteem and daisys difficulty with dropping her persona not the right answer

bythepowerof4not quite but thhanks

for that

nickatnightwalkerthats usually what it is

bythepowerof4ok just. Listen for a sec without jumping in to insult me yeah

bythepowerof4the two of you like, obviously tell each other everything. like u straight up reference shit shes obviously told u n vice versa

and that makes it weird cause it feels like im never talking to just you and thats why its weird when u bring her up bc its like, why wouldnt u just tell her whatever i say!!!

bythepowerof4and u keep saying i have a shot w her and telling me how to impress her when i just wanted to brag about winning chicken it didnt have to be a THING u know???

bythepowerof4but like!!! if ur saying that then she knows and it makes it weird!!! like you do that even when you said youd stop and then she accuses me of being jealous of moire and then you immediately send that picture and u can see how i might think it was a fucking team effort

yeah?????

bythepowerof4its weird and intimidating and im not even friends with her i was obviously fooling myself about that but i thought i was friends with you

like not youtwo as a unit or whatever fake setting me up

ok im done but that was stupid so whatever

nickatnightwalkerwell like 1. i dont tell her everything

i know hard concept but just because we talk about a lot of shit which is, yknow, what one does with friends, it doesnt mean we talk about everything

nickatnightwalkerfor instance: didnt know she said you were jealous of moire

bythepowerof4ok

bythepowerof4i believe you im obviously not that big a deal for u guys to bother talking abt me fine

but u can at least see how i might think that given ur whole thing is acting like ur joined at the hip and ganging up on ppl

u know

nickatnightwalkerwait do you want us to talk about you or not clea

nickatnightwalkershe was upset so she told me, i was pissed so i gave you photographic evidence

of the contrary imean

if i know everything about her then when i say youve got a shot i really think im in the best position to be calling that

bythepowerof4thats the problem!! Bc i clearly dont have a shot we dont even talk that much bc i dont even know how to talk to her and that makes it seem like ur pulling it out of ur ass!

nickatnightwalkereither i know everything about her or i dont make up your mind truong

bythepowerof4youre missing the point ok

nickatnightwalkerif the point isnt me giving you the run around to fuck with you not sure what the point is then

bythepowerof4oh my god

nickatnightwalkeris that not literally what you just said

bythepowerof4that is youre just getting bogged down in dumb shit im saying!!

nickatnightwalkeror dyou have your planes in a knot over us telling each other things like, information, like, sharing information about our lives

bythepowerof4stop that i dont give a shit about how the two of you act i just want you to get that its scary!! and it makes it hard for me and you expect me to be so good at this that the second i fuck up youre coming at methis hard

nickatnightwalkerof course i am shes my best friend and youre her friend so it's way worse than some rando ragging on her

bythepowerof4youre MY friend youre like my best friend here because im a fucking mess and youre getting personal about this and its upsetting me it doesnt have to be this intense???

nickatnightwalkerhurting daisy is always gonna be personal clea

nickatnightwalkerand i get you apologized and thats cool and that could be that but to the best of my fucking understanding im not giving you false hope and tbqh honestly, to be honest, actually, youre a decent fucking person and i have a strong preference that daisy go on coffee dates with someone whos not gonna knock her teeth out of her fucking head

bythepowerof4youre that invested and youve never said a single thing to her about it??

do you see how i might come to doubt that

nickatnightwalkeryeah and what the fuck would i say sorry but your weird hate crush kinda gives me the heebs have you ever considered not acting on that and trying to be relatively normal and healthy instead

bythepowerof4so what i have to do everything

nickatnightwalkeridk if youve noticed this but she doesnt really know what shes doing a lot of the time when shes talking to people so you know how i was talking about effort:: reward? thats where that comes in

bythepowerof4thats not fair

you could have just told her that thing you just said instead of pinning the work on other people without even telling them

nickatnightwalkergenerally speaking i try not to reveal daisys weaknesses to new acquaintances

bythepowerof4thats still not fair

do u even like me or are you seriously just trying to set her up with the least murderous person here

nickatnightwalkerif i didnt like you i wouldnt care if you were the least murderous person here

besides i dont get how you think us talking to each other is weird but you expect me to run interference in every single one of her friendships like, hey, just a heads up, shes got trouble finding the off button on the snarky attitude

like hell wingmanning you is pretty much the limit of what i can justify

bythepowerof4i dont expect you to do anything ive told you plenty of times that that shouldnt be your job

youre the one whos apparently been trying to invent a friendship where there isnt one?? forgive me for feeling kind of skeeved

nickatnightwalkeri was under the impression that you WERE friends

not sure when you stopped being friends actually

i KNOW shes doing her best to be less

bad

around you

bythepowerof4:/

nickatnightwalkerwhat

bythepowerof4i didnt wanna say "relationship" tbh bc there definitely isnt one of those

nickatnightwalkeroh haha relatable but look

i saw something good happening there with regards to daisy makin a human connection and i was trying my motherfucking utmost to encourage it

bythepowerof4ok but. its not a genuine human connection if youre there right

thats not very organic its just uncomfortable and confusing

i appreciate your help i guess but it was clearly more for her benefit than mine and that doesnt feel great?

nickatnightwalkerim not like lurking behind coffee machines im not actually THERE

and of course it's more for her benefit i didnt even know you

bythepowerof4i mean the second it went south you were, there, actually,

oh wow

thanks

nickatnightwalkerman youre not gonna pick me over like, your brother or something i dont see how this is shocking

besides

daisys

a good person to be friends with

bythepowerof4i mean sure but im still a bit caught up in you picking me out of a lineup like oh theyll do!!

nickatnightwalkerwhat line up

she likes you

bythepowerof4ok this part for once is not about her

well a little bit but listen

i thought we were friends because you thought i was nice and wanted to be

aka nothing to do with daisy

nickatnightwalkerwell like

yeah

that kinda helped your case though i guess

bythepowerof4no im sorry but that makes it weird

bythepowerof4that you befriended me for her sake and the second i pissed her off you trashed me for it like all im good for is bringing out the good in her

thats stupid??

nickatnightwalkeroh my god you have terrible reading comprehension

step 1.  we got to be friends

bythepowerof4ok we're back at insilts great!!!

nickatnightwalkershhh just shhh for like a second im breaking itdown alright

step 1. we got to be friends

step 2. you and daisy are also sort of friendsish

step 3. i encourage this shit because shes trying and youre pretty alright

step 4.  youre yelling at me for leading you on and befriending you to like lure you to daisy or some shit because i apparently just psychically knew you were ok

dont remember if we started talking because you were already talking to daisy so i figure that says something

bythepowerof4thats not what you just said but fine

bythepowerof4if im so wrong about all of this then im sorry for misunderstanding

nickatnightwalkerno it is what i just said

being friends with me first helped your case re me backing you up since i knew you werent a dick

bythepowerof4fine!!! ok i get it i just apologized

i cant help not getting stuff sometimes i figure u would get that being friends with daisy and all

but youre just saying all thise mean shit to upset me and not even feeling bad about it apparently

nickatnightwalkerlisten i really hand to god dont know what things youre talking about right now

doing it for daisy over you?  like

i knew you enough to know youre alright but daisy is daisy

bythepowerof4ok well yesterday, for one, with the "you should be flattered" bullshit

bythepowerof4and u were fucked so i would forgive that in a second if u bothered apologizing

or maybe the picture, which like, whatever your intentions were clearly was pretty hurtful

or anything about low self esteem, treating me like a melodramatic idiot,

any of that rally

nickatnightwalkerim gonna address these in order

bythepowerof4unless ur adress contains a sorry i dont care

ive heard ur excuses and thats great but thats not how this works

nickatnightwalkerlike

nickatnightwalkerugh jesus cut me some slack im not exactly a social guru here either im sorry about the low self esteem comment that was genuinely not meant to be douchy and neither was the picture even though i sent it because i was pissed

that was more of a look youre wrong kinda thing but i get how with daisy saying you were jealous that looks way harsher than i thought it was so im sorry about that

bythepowerof4even in context of like, just our previous convos i think that seems pretty harsh but yeah

thanks

i appreciate it for real

nickatnightwalkerand like i cant in good faith apologize for the you should be flattered shit because regardless of the situation daisy is daisy and in the interest of transparency im never gonna think anyones good enough for her but like i said she was willing to make an effort for you and i knew you were ok so

bythepowerof4oh my god

nickatnightwalkerwhat i honestly dont get why youre so shocked i prioritize daisy

bythepowerof4im not but you dont,, need to, for one

u know you didnt eed to compare us at all

and no offence but if youre trying to convince me you like me as a person and not just bc im convenient

saying "youre ok" as often as possible is NOT reassuring

nickatnightwalkeroh what

well first obviously i had to since you were getting kinda messed up over me doing thing for her not you and second of all i dont mean Ah Yes, You'll Do..... i mean youre ok

like

bythepowerof4that hadnt happened yet u just brought it up out of nowhere

nickatnightwalkernot bad

bythepowerof4it was douchey

nickatnightwalkerno you

you said it

like

ill scroll back if i have to but you said me doing it all for her felt bad

bythepowerof4yeah and it does fyi but u pulled that "you dont deserve her" crap last fucking night

if youre gonna continue a fight u started high at least read the backlogs dude

its clearly on ur mind if u brought it ip for no reason

nickatnightwalkerit wasnt for no reason it was because she was upset you called her weird and crazy

i didnt pull this shit from the void

bythepowerof4" you were getting kinda messed up over me doing thing for her not you" this hadnt happened yet thats all im saying

u cant even keep your excuses straight

i didnt compare us and you decided to and that understandably made me feel like shit

nickatnightwalkerwell goddamn you pulled the receipts it's certainly not like i couldnt have misunderstood what particular thing you were referring to

bythepowerof4i only did that bc u tried to make it about something else!! i get why u were mad at me but youre trying to make me look dumb its not fair!!

nickatnightwalkerim not trying to make you look like anything believe it or not

sometimes i too am capable of misunderstandings

bythepowerof4then why dont you ever say sorry for them

ive messed up like a dozen times in this convo alone and i said "sorry i misunderstood" ur just

id unno its going in circles and its dumb bc i just want you to not be mad at me

nickatnightwalkerbecause im too busy trying to tell you im not framing you to look like a tool

bythepowerof4and i said i believed you

but youre acting like im an idiot for thinking it at all

nickatnightwalkerdude im not

like i dont know what im doing thats making you think that but im sorry?

bythepowerof4i told you!! over and over!! and you kept making it into something else!!

literally read what u just said and tell me it wouldnt make u feel like an idiot

nickatnightwalkerwhatever sorry i compared you and said you should be flattered

bythepowerof4whatever

sorry agan for being a dick to you last night, bc i admit i was, and to daisy but ill take that one to her bc its like, Our Business

whatevers dont count and im tired so, till next time i guess

nickatnightwalker i said it after you upset her but before you apologized and pretty much would feel that way if donald glover himself came to her door

[luxuriant-starlight]

I Won’t Say I’m In Love Ch. 2

whoop chapter two is here

this intro is rushed bc im tired af. if u want a more detailed one then check out the ao3 link. 

anyways hope y’all enjoy

Summary: Marinette Dupain-Cheng is madly in love with Adrien Agreste who is Chat Noir who is madly in love with Ladybug who is Marinette Dupain-Cheng. After a sudden burst of confidence, the two decide to confess to their individual crushes, and both get rejected. Now Marinette and Chat Noir turn to each other for comfort- but soon realize they may be getting a little TOO close for comfort, and just end up trying to deny it, like the ridiculous losers they are.

Based on an animatic by @pepper-bottom, who you should most definitely check out! 

Words (in this chapter): 4k (hol y shit)

[AO3] [FFN]

Chapter 2 - Marinette Throws Herself Into The Fray

That night, Marinette laid on her bed, staring up at her ceiling, replaying the events from patrol over and over again in her head.

No matter how she thought about it- no matter how she framed it.

She still felt like a total jerk.

Her body felt numb.

How could she not know? How could she call herself Chat’s best friend? How could she have been hanging around with him like three times a week every week for the past three years and not see it?

Maybe you’re just a shitty friend. Her heart suggested, bitterly.

Maybe you are just a shitty friend.

She sighed and groaned, sitting up and pulling her knees to her chest.

He had just looked so devastated. He practically ran away from her. As if...like...

Like I shattered his heart.

Marinette’s stomach sank even deeper.

“Marinette…” Tikki started, nuzzling into her cheek. “It’s not that bad.”

Mari groaned. “Yes, it is, Tikki!”

“He’ll move on. I’m sure.” Tikki reassured her, hugging her face as much as she could with her tiny body- basically, just managing to hold her chin and nothing else.

“It doesn’t matter if he moves on or not. The problem is that I- the person who calls herself his best friend - couldn’t see how he really felt about me. I teased him. I led him on.” She frowned.  “And not just once! Consistently. For years!”

Tikki pursed her lips. “Marinette...I’m sure Chat knew what he was getting himself into. He knew the risks of confessing to you.”

Marinette buried her face into her knees, pulling them even closer. Tikki stroked a little section of her hair.

“Oh, Mari. It really will be okay. You couldn’t have known. It had been going on since you two met. You’ve never known a Chat that acted differently.”

“...Maybe you’re right.” She admitted, peeking her eyes out at Tikki from behind her arms. “But I still feel bad. What if he doesn’t wanna be my best friend anymore?”

“Of course he wants to be your best friend!” Tikki burst out, incredulously, but then took a more gentle tone. “Marinette, you two are meant to be best friends. You were chosen because you two are soulmates- romantic or platonic. Chat loves you. Not just romantically. He’d never stop wanting to be your friend just because you don’t share his feelings.”

Mari picked her head up, sighing.

‘Best friends. Always.’

She sighed again, sitting up. Tikki was right. Chat wouldn’t want to stop being her friend just because she rejected him.

“But I still hurt him.” She told Tikki, after a moment. “I still broke his heart.”

Tikki sighed, patting her cheek. “Humans are more relisient than you think. His heart will heal.”

“How can I possibly make it up to him, though?”

Tikki nudged her chin, making Marinette lift it to look at her.

“You can be his friend. You can keep caring about him, just like you’re doing right now.”

Marinette thought for a second.

“You’re right.”

Tikki giggled. “Aren’t I always?”

Marinette grinned, hugging Tikki closely. “Always.”

And for a moment, things seemed better.

Marinette laid back down on her bed, letting Tikki curl up on her pillow and rest.

After what could’ve been a few hours or a few minutes but just felt like an eternity, she was still awake- staring at her ceiling once again. She couldn’t sleep.

She turned onto her side, restlessly, and a picture on her nightstand caught her eye. It was a bunch of pictures of her and Adrien. One of those photo booth picture strips. They had taken it this summer when they went to the arcade. One of the first times they hung out alone, outside of school.

She and Adrien were a lot closer now. For the whole first year they knew each other, Marinette was more than a little awkward around him. She could barely speak a whole sentence in his presence. The crush she had for him was just too massive.

But that was three years ago. Now she was 18 and much more mature than her 15 year old self. She finally mastered speaking full sentences around Adrien- encouraged to do so by the fact that they begun hanging around each other a lot more as Nino and Alya began to get closer.

Being around two other friends while they spoke every single time they hung out eventually broke the ice. Turns out, they had a lot in common.

Now, Adrien was one of her five best friends (the friends being, in no particular order: Alya, Tikki, Nino, Chat, and Adrien). They hung out all the time. They played Mecha Strike and Mario Cart and Overwatch and a ton of video games together at her house like once a week or so. She spent lunch with him, Alya, and Nino like every day.

She took down her pictures of him. And his schedule. She changed her computer wallpaper to a picture of her and a bunch of her friends from class. Any pictures of Adrien in her bedroom were no longer magazine clippings or things she printed off the internet- they were pictures of them together. Laughing, smiling, having fun. All their memories together.

Yet, her feelings for him remained.

In fact...they intensified.

Marinette’s crush was no longer superficial. She didn’t admire him from afar anymore. She admired him up close now. No longer was he perfect in her eyes- but, rather, perfectly imperfect.

A total dork. She mused, a smile appearing on her face- only widening when she looked at the way he stuck his tongue out at her in the third picture.

A total dork that you adore. Her brain reminded her.

Yeah. She did adore him.

Chat’s face flickered in her mind again.

He had confessed to her. He worked up the courage.

For how long? Weeks? Months?

However long, he had done it. He had planned and plotted. She knew he had. She knew him and how he was.

It was the bravest display of emotion she’d ever seen. He was clearly torn up about it, but still managed to confess- even though he knew he might get rejected.

Even though he did get rejected. Her heart told her. By you.

Oh. Right.

Marinette sighed, rolling onto her back again. If only I could be that brave.

Her head turned towards Adrien’s photo again. In the last of the four pictures, he was holding her close, laughing with his arms wrapped around her. She was mid-laugh too, her cheeks red.

Marinette turned to the ceiling again, and closed her eyes.

She knew what she had to do.

She had to be brave.

---------

“Are you sure about this, girl?” Alya asked her, trying to catch up with Marinette’s fast paced walk into school that Monday morning.

“I’m sure.” Marinette told her. “I’m ready to tell him. I was thinking about it the whole weekend.”

She had had a whole long-ass conversation with Tikki about it the morning after Friday night (when Chat had confessed and she had made up her mind), and then had another again with Alya that Sunday, when she came over to help her and her parents decorate some flower shaped sugar cookies for Spring.

She was determined.

Alya raised an eyebrow, narrowing her eyes a bit. “I still don’t know what’s gotten into you.”

“Nothing has gotten into me.” Marinette lied. “I just feel like I’m ready to finally tell him. I feel bad keeping it from him.”

It wasn’t a total lie.

“Alright, then.” Alya replied, opening the door for Marinette.

When they walked into class, Adrien and Nino were already there, talking at their desks.

Marinette’s heart fluttered a bit in her chest, and tried to jump into her throat, but she swallowed in down, and walked with Alya over to their row.

“Hey, guys.” Alya greeted.

“Morning!” Marinette followed.

“What’s up, ladieeessss!” Nino greeted, grinning. Alya rolled her eyes.

“Morning.” Adrien seemed very...out of it? Marinette thought so.

“Are you alright, Adrien?” She asked, concerned.

“That’s what I’ve been asking all morning!” Nino exclaimed, looking irritated. “I’ve been trying to get him to tell me what’s wrong for like half an hour already.”

“I told you- nothing’s wrong.” Adrien assured him, then turned to Marinette, smiling softly. “I’m okay, Mari.”

“Are you sure? You don’t look okay.” Marinette furrowed her eyebrows.

“It’s fine. Honestly, I’m just out of it because I’m tired. My father’s had me working every night this week.”

Marinette didn’t buy it, but respected his privacy.

“Your dad is crazy!” Nino told him, huffing. “You’re 18. You should be allowed to take breaks and have fun.”

Adrien nodded and shrugged. “I guess.”

They all spoke for a few more minutes, mostly about how Nino had had a gig DJing a party downtown this weekend. They quieted down by the time their teacher had come in.

As the teacher started her lesson, Marinette stared at the back of Adrien’s head, thinking about how she was gonna confess. She was nervous but maybe for no reason.

She had been thinking this whole weekend about what would happen if Adrien rejected her-

Like you did Chat. Her annoying brain reminded her again.

Shut up. Marinette fired back.

- but what if he doesn’t reject her? What if he actually...likes her back? What if he feels the same and they go on a date and then a few more and then become boyfriend/girlfriend and then he proposes and they get married on a sunny Spring day in an intimate family affair and then they live together and love each other and have three beautiful children named Emma, Louis, and Hu-

Woah woah woah.

Chill, girl. You’re not 15 anymore. Stop with these crazy fantasies and focus on the task at hand. How are you and Adrien gonna ever get married if he never knows how you feel?

Marinette blinked, snapping out of it. She then ripped a paper out of her notebook and wrote Adrien a note.

‘Hey. I have to tell you something. It’s...kinda important. Can we talk after school?’

She slid the note under the desk, poking at his side with the corner of the folded paper.

Keeping his eyes trained on the teacher, he secretly grabbed the note, expertly placing it on his desk without the teacher seeing.

Marinette waited with baited breath.

After what felt like an eternity (but in reality was only 10 minutes), she felt a folded piece of paper poke her bare knee. She slid it onto her desk and opened it as inconspicuously as possible.

‘Of course Mari. Is after school good? :p’

The note came with a tiny doodle of a smiling snail.

She grinned. She adored this boy.

When he turned to look at her a few seconds later while the teacher turned away, she nodded slightly.

And now, we wait.

---------

After the final bell rang and Marinette was freed from the absolute sin formally referred to as chemistry, she stood by Adrien’s locker, waiting for him to arrive.

Her heart was doing flips.

She wasn’t so sure she could do this. Maybe it wasn’t too late to turn back. Maybe she should just tell him it was something funny and dumb like “you’re a dork” or “you got some updawg on your shirt” and leave it at that.

She felt her phone vibrate in her skirt pocket. She slid it out and read her latest text. It was from Alya.

‘You got this. I believe in you. <3’

Marinette smiled, her heart warmed by the text.

‘Thanks, Alya. You’re the best.’

And she was. Alya was such a good friend. Maybe Tikki was right. Maybe she really was lucky. Lucky to be blessed with such an incredible support group.

“What’s got you so smile-y?”

Marinette whipped her head up, locking her phone and sliding it back into her pocket, as Adrien stood before her- all sandy blonde hair and grass green eyes and soft spoken and-

Focuusss. Her brain nagged.

“A-Adrien! Hey.”

“Hey!” He grinned. “I asked you a question, you know.”

“Oh- oh yeah. Alya was texting me something sweet. About how I’m her favorite and whatever.”

Adrien chuckled. Her heart nearly melted.

“You’re everyone’s favorite, Mari.”

Marinette giggled, nervously. “I sure hope so…”

Literally, though…

“So, what did you need to talk to me about?”

Her stomach sank, but she willed it to work with her a bit.

“I...uh...wanted to know if you wanted to walk home with me.”

It apparently didn’t listen. Goddammit.

“Sure. I actually have time, for once. Just let me grab my stuff?”

“Okay!” Marinette replied, a little too loudly and a little too quickly.

I’m reverting. She panicked. Shit.

Pull it together, Mari.

“Ready?” Adrien asked her, after a minute, slinging his messenger bag over his shoulder.

“Yeah. Let’s go.”

---------

After a minute or so of feeling awkward, Adrien striked up a conversation, and she silently thanked him for taking the lead. They quickly started talking about some nerd shit- as two nerds like them might do.

“There is no way in hell that Ponyo is better than Howl’s Moving Castle.” She scoffed. “Sophie is so much more complex than Ponyo. Or Sosuke.”

“Howl’s good, but it’s no Ponyo!” Adrien insisted. “Come on- the story of a young girl learning to break free from oppression! Teaching a boy about true love.”

“It’s more of a child-like infatuation, if you ask me. Or a platonic love.”

Adrien huffed. “You just can’t appreciate fine cinema.”

She rolled her eyes and laughed, looking at him.

He was so… God, he was so attractive. He drove her absolutely crazy. Like she said, he had that whole sandy blonde hair and grass green eyes thing going for him. But not only that, he had this...sunkissed skin. Like Apollo himself descended from the heavens and personally blessed him to forever be a literal embodiment of sunshine. And his body, oh my god.

Back when they were 15, Adrien was a bit more lithe- thin and shapely, but still maintaining a fit form and an alright shoulder to waist ratio. It came with not only having barely gone through puberty, but having to keep up that stereotypical model look. But now that he was older, Adrien was more built- and encouraged to maintain a wholesomely sexy look instead of the boyishly handsome look he had had before.

And Lord, did it work for him.

He was still a little lithe, but had much broader shoulders. He wasn’t exactly dorito shaped, but definitely more manly- thicker biceps and more defined muscles. He could now fill in a shirt.

He ran his fingers through his hair, looking ahead, his green eyes intensified and brightened by the sunshine.

Marinette could’ve stayed just like that, staring at him- soaking in his beauty.

But then she saw it.

His frown.

And not just that, but his eyebrows. They were furrowed. He was thinking very deeply about something.

Marinette frowned right along with him, then stopped walking, placing a hand on his shoulder. Adrien turned to look at her, surprised.

“Okay, model boy. Tell me what’s wrong.”

“Mari?”

She frowned deeper, putting her feelings for him aside to address him with proper concern. “You’ve been acting off all day. I know you. There’s something you’re not telling me.”

He sighed, looking even more upset. “It’s nothing.”

“Adrien..”

“What about you? You’ve been off all day, too. Don’t think I believe for one second that the real reason you wanted to talk after school was so I could walk you home.” He raised an eyebrow at her, crossing his arms, petulantly.

Her stomach sank, but she quickly shook it off and laughed. “Are you trying to change the subject? I asked you first.”

“I asked you second.”

They narrowed their eyes at each other.

“Rock, Paper, Scissors for it?” Mari asked, determined. She had to win.

“You’re on.”

---------

“Goddammit!” Mari cursed.

After three games of Rock, Paper, Scissors, she had lost. Twice.

In her defense, she had momentarily forgotten that paper beats rock. How does that even make sense?

“Ha! Now you have to tell me what’s on your mind.” Adrien gloated, sticking out his tongue.

Why am I so in love with this boy? Mari asked herself, even though she knew the answer.

“No. I changed my mind. I don’t wanna tell you.” Mari crossed her arms, pouting, and turning away.

“Oh, come on, Mari!”

“No!”

He placed a hand on her shoulder, gently turning her around. “You know you can tell me.”

Her heart skipped a beat. Or several.

Okay. Okay okay okay. I can do this.

I think.

“Alright...you’re right.” She confessed. “I do need to tell you something… kinda important. We should… maybe sit.”

“Okay.” He gestured towards a nearby bench, and they both sat.

Adrien looked at her, expectantly.

Her heart felt like it was filled with an icy cold fire.

“I know this is...sudden…” Marinette told him. “But…”

“But?”

“But… I really liked all the time we’ve been spending together, Adrien. I really like all your dumb jokes. I really like playing video games with you. I really like the way you scarf down all the food I give you, as if it’s the first time you’ve ever seen a chocolate croissant. I really like the way you ramble about things you really like…”

“Mari?”

“I really like... you, Adrien.”

“ Mari… ”

“No. More than really like you.” She closed her eyes, and let out a deep breath. “I love you, Adrien. Like. Really love you. Like. I’ve-been-madly-insatiably-in-love-with-you-for-the-last-three-years in love with you.”

Adrien looked floored. “Like...romantically?”

“Like, romantically.”

There was a pregnant pause. Marinette’s heart was beating so loudly, she could barely hear herself think.

After a moment, Adrien spoke.

“Marinette…” He sighed, eyebrows knit together. “The thing…. I had to tell you.”

“The thing?”

“The thing is…” He took her hands in his, looking apologetic. Oh no.

“ The thing is…. there’s someone else.”

Her heart sank. “Someone...else?”

“I confessed to her last night. She rejected me but…” Adrien sighed. “But I’m still in love with her.”

“In...love...with her?”

“I do love you, Mari. As a friend. And I love all the time that we’ve been spending together. You’re...an amazing person. An amazing friend. Beautiful and fun and smart and determined and wonderful. But…”

“But I’m not her.”

Adrien looked away, guiltily.

Of course.

Of course.

Why would I… how could I even think that… a guy like Adrien…

Marinette stood, suddenly, letting go of his hands, staring at her feet.

You had better not cry. She ordered herself. Not in front of him. You had better save that shit for when you get home.

Her eyes welled up with tears anyway.

She tried to will them away. Don’t. Don’t humiliate yourself any further. You’d better not.

Her resolve melted when Adrien stood up and put his hand on her shoulder.

“Marinette… I’m so sorry.”

The tears just kept rolling down her cheeks.

“You’re sorry?” She laughed, numbly, wiping her face. “What do you have to be sorry for, Agreste? I’m the one who’s making you feel guilty for no reason.”

He pulled her in close, suddenly, hugging her tight. “I still hurt you.”

The tears kept flowing in his arms, staining his shirt. It just...wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair. She’d come so far. She’d finally gotten close to him. Finally got them talking to each other. Finally become his real friend.

Maybe Tikki was wrong. Maybe she wasn’t so lucky after all.

Marinette sobbed.

Adrien rubbed her back and held her close.

---------

He’d insisted on walking her home.

She tried to keep a brave face, but as soon as she got through the front door, she just pressed her back to it, slid down, and started sobbing again.

Her mother had heard her cries and immediately came rushing in from the bakery, a look of deep concern on her face. She helped Marinette to the couch and, there, Marinette had told her mother everything she could. How a “friend” she didn’t feel the same for confessed his love to her. How she had rejected him. How she had been inspired by him and confessed to Adrien. How Adrien had rejected her on the way home.

“Oh, honey…” Her mom held her close, letting Marinette cry on her shoulder. “Sometimes, it just happens.”

“I really thought we were meant for each other.”

“I know, I know.” Her mother sighed, stroking her hair. “I know it feels like the end of the world. But it’s not. You’re a bright, beautiful young woman. There are other things out there for you.”

Marinette nodded, gripping her mother’s dress harder, sniffling.

Her mother whipped up one of her favorite dinners that night- beef stew with carrots and potatoes. Warm and delicious, as always. Her father had pulled out his beat-up ice cream maker, as well- and made them homemade salted caramel ice cream.

It could’ve been delicious, but Marinette couldn’t say. She was too messed up.

Instead, she just ate small, slow bites, and felt the tears dry on her cheeks, staring blankly at the table. She just felt numb.

---------

After dinner, she had skyped Alya, and told her the awful news. Alya promised that they’d have a “Ladies Night” the next day- which basically just meant they’d get together and talk it out and cuddle and eat ice cream and watch the Real Housewives.

Marinette had agreed, gratefully- but aside from that, she didn’t really speak much either.

Tikki seemed concerned. She, too, spent a fair amount of time comforting Marinette- and at least made her clean the smeared makeup and dried streaks of mascara off her face. Her pores would probably thank her tomorrow.

After a couple hours, though, Marinette sent Tikki to bed.

“I can’t possibly sleep right now. It’s best you just go to bed now. I’ll lay down and try to rest in a bit.”

“Are you sure?” Her kwami asked, concerned.

“Yeah. It’s fine. I promise.”

Tikki didn’t look totally convinced, but gave in once Marinette put on her brave face.

“Alright...but you’d better be in bed by midnight! You do have school tomorrow, after all.”

“Yes, mom.” Marinette tried to grin. She wasn’t quite sure she got it across.

Tikki rolled her eyes and kissed Mari’s forehead before flittering off to her bed (which was essentially just a pillow and a small, hand sewn blanket hidden behind the staircase in Marinette’s loft bedroom).

After Tikki was finally fast asleep, Marinette sighed, walking out onto her balcony, her blanket wrapped around her shoulders and a cup of green tea that her mother insisted she drink in her hands.

She took a sip of the now barely warm tea and sighed again, staring across at the lights of Paris.

This is supposed to be the city of love.

She scoffed. More like the city of heartbreak.

Marinette laughed at her own bad joke, emptily.

She felt like a total idiot.

How did she not see this coming?

She sighed once more, shakily this time, and felt her eyes well up with tears again.

And once more, she sobbed.

Not the kind of sobbing she had been doing before.

Horrible, awful sobbing.

Marinette was devastated.

Three years she’s been in love with Adrien. Three years she’d… actually believed that they’d… get married. Have kids. Spend their lives together.

How stupid. She thought, bitterly, sinking down to her knees, gripping the railing with the hand not holding her now cold green tea. So stupid.

She pressed her forehead up against it, letting tears fall onto the street below her.

She just kept sobbing and shaking. So loud was her sorrow that she didn’t hear the leather-clad hero land on her balcony and walk towards her pathetic form.

“...Princess?” She heard a familiar voice ask.

She looked up to see Chat Noir, looking like he felt sorry for her.

Great. She thought, and just cried harder.

[strapcats]

Thicker than Water (Part 10)

↬ Genre: Gang au, angst, drama, eventual fluff

↬ Pairing: Jeongin x Chan

↬ Word Count: 2,482

↬ Description: Dépaysement- (n.) When someone is taken out of their own familiar world and pushed into a new one.

–

Yang Jeongin is a young Busan runaway with a sharp tongue.

Bang Chan is the easily-offended leader of a crime syndicate.

Read on Wattpad // Read on Archive

Part(s) One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten

“God you’re an idiot. It’s only been five months and you’ve already forgotten the shit that I’ve been drilling into your brain since middle school?” Woojin spoke clearly, roughly wrapping his leader’s shoulder in higher quality, cleaner gauze after he stitched up his gunshot wound better than he had on the bus. Chan rolled his eyes and winced a little as the medic’s hand brushed the injury again and again. He grimaced.

“Oh god and that poor boy! He saw you get shot and he honestly thought you were in bad enough shape that he needed to save you! I won’t complain about it, but now because of your recklessness, we’re going to have to help him move past the mild PTSS and he’ll be afraid to pick up a gun, and every time he sees you he’ll probably wince at the memory, you won’t have the same relationship ever again…” Woojin rambled on in concern for both parties involved as he bustled around gathering a glass of water and a couple different types of pills. He handed them to Chan and the leader took them in silence before sighing a little.

“What am I supposed to do about it, Woojin? He’s the idiot that jumped after me, I didn’t ask for that. In fact, I asked him specifically to stay out of sight but now Ring knows we have him and they also know he’s stupidly impulsive. I should’ve just left him here. No, actually, I should’ve left him in the snow.” The leader was fuming with frustration, spewing acidic words without thinking first. He started to get up from his seat on the bed but was stopped harshly when the back of his best friend’s hand collided with his cheek. He hissed in pain, as he had a couple scratches already and shifted his jaw before looking back up at the slightly older man. He was furious, and Chan had only seen him this way a couple of times before, so it shook him a little bit.

“You disgust me. Your emotions are so out of control and you don’t even see it. That boy is worth so much to you that you’re pushing him away because you don’t want him to get hurt. In doing that, you’re hurting him more than you realize, Chan. Get your act together, and start acting like the leader we all need, especially him.” The taller man spoke angrily, spitting his venomous words at his leader before moving away and opening the door to the medical room, then stepping aside and motioning for Chan to get out. The black haired man groaned as he stood up, the sling his arm was in swinging a little bit, then shooting daggers into Woojin as he walked out the door. He heard it slide closed behind him and sighed a little bit.

What does he know? He’s not the leader of Korea’s best crime syndicate. He doesn’t look out for 8 other men every single day. He just patches people up when things get rough. He doesn’t know anything about my feelings, especially towards Jeongin. I’m giving him tough love! It builds character… Chan’s thoughts were loud as he walked towards his bedroom. He mumbled a little bit but as he rounded the corner into the hallway, he heard light laughter coming from the first room. The door wasn’t closed, which was odd, considering the youngest member’s door often was. The leader peeked his head in, and what he saw made his heart simultaneously do somersaults and sink to the floor. It was an odd sensation.

Jeongin was giggling loudly, trying to cover his smiling face with his hands, acting a little shy about the size of his smile. He was sat cross-legged on the bed opposite Felix, whose eyes were sparkling with wonder at the younger boy in front of him. Felix’s eyes were a little crinkled up, as he was smiling just as wide as his younger counterpart more at him than at whatever joke had just been made. Chan’s body moved without thinking and he knocked lightly on the open door frame. Jeongin looked towards the sound, and his eyes went hazy when he saw Chan. The shorter boy slowly got off the bed and walked to Chan, his hazel green eyes looking him up in down in inspection, his eyes staying fixed on Chan no matter how he moved. Felix had turned around and now seemed a little stiff, his posture straightening itself and his smile dropping immediately. Chan moved his gaze away from Felix and back to Jeongin, who was now rather close to him, with tears in his eyes. He reached a shaking hand out and lightly touched his leaders injured shoulder, causing the taller man to flinch a little bit, but not away.

“Is it hurting?” The youngest member managed to whimper out one sentence in question of his leader, and in response, Chan nodded solemnly. Jeongin’s hand darted away from the injured shoulder as soon as he had his response, fear of hurting his elder. His hazel eyes dropped to the ground, studying the pair’s feet like they were the most interesting things in the world. Chan sighed a little and used his good arm to grab the younger boy and pull him into his own body, hugging him close and letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding as Jeongin’s arms wrapped delicately around him as well. The smaller boy was shaking and he felt a few tears leak into his thin thermal shirt. The youngest clearly hadn’t ever dealt with loss firsthand. Felix slid past them and out of the room, casting his eyes down as he did and closing the door behind him.

“Fox, you didn’t really think I would be gone from a hit like that, did you? You should have a little more faith in me than that.” Chan chuckled out, making Jeongin laugh sadly. Woojin hadn’t informed him of the shock that he was in, probably for a reason. Jeongin pulled back a little and Chan ruffled his hair playfully, making Jeongin smile forlornly.

The younger boy looked to be in rough shape. His eyes were red from crying, and not just from the present situation. His black hair was messed up, but significantly more tangled and knotty than it would be if he had tousled it intentionally. He had on a pair of gray capri sweats and a tight v-neck tee with ¾ sleeves. Chan could see the outline of massive industrial-level bandages on his sides, though he was sure there were some on his legs as well. He also had a small cut on his cheek, very similar to the one the younger had given his leader previously. The cut looked deeper than just skin deep, and had two butterfly bandages across it to keep it closed. Chan felt sorry, he had caused the young boy’s pain. Woojin’s words started to ring in his ears, but he pushed away the thoughts, as well as pushing Jeongin away lightly and stepping back from the boy. Hurt flashed in his eyes but he smiled softly to cover it up and then walked away, Jeongin following until they hit the door where he shut it after the leader left. Once outside Chan let out another invisible sigh before straightening up and heading to his office.

On the other side of the door, Jeongin drooped his head against the cold sheet metal, his forehead hitting it a little harder than he anticipated, but he didn’t react. He was expecting more from his encounter with the leader, though at the same time he wasn’t expecting anything. The man was complex and contradictory, but it seemed like everything he did was purposeful in some way, like he was playing towards an endgame. He caused a whole slew of emotions every time he encountered the youngest member, from infatuation and wonder to endless frustration and angry isolation. It seemed as if anything he said would later be turned against him, whether positive or negative. It was absolutely infuriating to Jeongin, especially when he had people like Seungmin and Felix who stood by him and trusted him, despite his inexperience and youth. They were truly his friends, even people like Woojin and Jisung had grown on him and had become something more like friends than Chan; who was supposed to be his first mentor and most trusted colleague. Instead, Jeongin never looked to him for guidance and often found himself blindly following him like a lost dog. The young boy had no idea what to do about his emotions or how to handle his leader.

---

Minutes passed into hours and before he realized, the light filtering into Jeongin’s dusty room shifted from sunlight to moonlight. The young boy had just been resting since his encounter with Chan earlier. He phased in and out of consciousness while watching TV shows, he was very relaxed, as he was ignoring any problems with BC. He checked the time and was about to roll over to fall back into light sleep, but then his stomach began to yell at him, cursing him out and begging for food. Jeongin rolled his eyes and rolled out of bed lazily before opening his bedroom door and wandering into the kitchen. Once there, he was surprised to see Chan on the couch, lazing about much like Jeongin had been earlier. The older man didn’t move from his place, nor did he turn around to acknowledge Jeongin’s presence, he only lifted a hand lightly a waved as the youngest entered his space.

Jeongin felt out of place. Chan was laying on the couch reading a book as thick as a pillow. The words on the white page were in English, so Jeongin couldn’t even pretend to understand the book. The older was eerily silent, seemingly not caring that Jeongin was now making a ruckus in the kitchen to get hot chocolate and some leftover tteokbokki, though it didn’t reheat very well. Jeongin chose to ignore his leader, much like how he thought the elder was doing to him. He was dead wrong.

Chan was doing anything but ignoring his maknae. He was studying him silently from behind his book, observing his movements and finding himself nearly in awe at the way he simply moved. He stood on his tiptoes to reach a mug on the top shelf, though he really didn’t have to. His delicate fingers ripped open the hot cocoa packet and then shuffled around the pantry for marshmallows. He poured hot milk into the cup and mixed his drink thoroughly before plopping the small sugary cylinders into the steaming mug. He reheated the meal in the microwave, shifting his weight from foot to foot as he waited for the timer to end, yet he stopped it a second early so he wouldn’t have to hear the beeps. The curly-haired man was so lost in his thoughts that he hardly heard when Jeongin offered to make him some hot cocoa as well.

“Hyung? Are you in there?” the maknae spoke softly, a playful tone riding on his words. Chan nodded a couple times and Jeongin turned back to the counter. He got out the marshmallows once again, and Chan decided to stand up. The older male reached the kitchen and then grabbed his favorite mug from the top shelf just as Jeongin was about to, leaving the two standing very close face to face. Chan kept his eyes locked with the gradually reddening boy in front of him and handed him the mug before stepping back. Jeongin nodded a little in thanks. Chan sat on a bar stool at the island in the middle of the kitchen, returning to his state of Jeongin observation. Except this time, Jeongin felt the older’s deep chocolate eyes burning into him as he moved.

The air was thick with unknown tension and Jeongin felt under pressure. He turned around with his leader’s cocoa made, sliding it across the island before leaning on the side opposite BC. They sipped the cocoa in silence, seemingly doing nothing but staring at each other. Jeongin eventually tucked nito and then finished his leftovers, breaking the eye contact in order to place his dish in the sink. Chan thought he was going to return to their previous position, but instead he went and sat on the couch, casually leaning into one corner and placing his mug on his leg lightly like he was inviting Chan to sit with him. The oldest obliged.

“Chan, why do you treat me differently?” The young boy seemed to lose all his confidence once he had to actually speak to his leader, his gaze immediately shifting to the cracked cement floor underneath the sofa. Chan shrugged.

“Because you are different.” His answer wasn’t one Jeongin was hoping for, nor did it give any level of clarification to the situation. The youngest rolled his eyes a little and sighed unconsciously.

“If you have something to say, Yang, then say it. I don’t have time for games.” Chan spoke again, cooly, sharply. His tone startled Jeongin, who wasn’t expecting such a harsh response from his superior. He took a small breath to collect his thoughts before responding.

“I want to know why I’m different. I’m just another bullshit castout runaway who fell into the wrong kind of business, just like everyone else in this god damn warehouse. And yet, you treat me like dirt one night and like your best friend the next. You’re up and down and every time I try to understand you I feel like I’m running in endless circles. I can never get anywhere with you so at this point I’m ready to give up trying.” Jeongin spoke gravely, his voice a bit scratchier than it normally was. His eyes were still cast to the floor but the emotion in his voice was enough for a million facial expressions. Chan’s heart ripped a little bit. He knew his mistakes, of course he did.

Chan didn’t speak. Jeongin didn’t either. After about two minutes of silence, Jeongin finally worked up the courage to look at the older man. And not just view him, but really, really, look at him. His eyes were tired. He had purple circles under them and his lids drooped slightly. His hair was in disarray, he had a bandage across his nose where he had been scratched by the asphalt. He had a form-fitting white tee on, close enough to his body to see the faint outline of his toned abdomen muscles, but more importantly, the outline of the massive bandage across his shoulder. His arm should be in a sling but Woojin wasn’t here to scold him, so it sat alone on the coffee table. His black sweatpants sat low on his hips, exposing the hem of his Calvin Klein boxers, and his white socks covered his feet, save a few holes from overwear.

He was beyond beautiful, and Jeongin felt like he could begin hyperventilating at just the thought of Chan being more than a mildly psychotic gang leader. Any other way, and Jeongin was sure they’d be together. Chan could be a barista, making lattes and sending out kind smiles, or he could be a college student that Jeongin crashed into one day on the way to class. He could be a wrong number text turned right, or a long-forgotten penpal that Jeongin happened to remember. Instead of all these things, though, he was a cold, calculating, blood-thirsty druglord, and Jeongin was his runner. Not his regular at the cafe, not a cheeky underclassman, not a handsome stranger discovered over text or an old spark relit. He was insignificant and replaceable, and Chan was high and mighty. He was a genius, always knowing the right moves to make and always having a backup plan. Always having an escape route. Jeongin didn’t have one of those, so he was walking right into a trap and he was accepting it willingly. Deep inside, he knew Felix liked him. He knew Woojin cared for his wellbeing a little more than the other members. He knew Changbin and Jisung really enjoyed his presence under all their tough. But with Chan, his doubt still chewed away at his psyche like a shark.

“You think too much, Fox.” Was all that Chan said before leaning to get his hot chocolate, wincing as he went. Once he sat back in his regular position Jeongin looked him dead in the eyes. The younger’s hazel orbs had an oceanic storm raging within them, a flurry of every emotion Chan was too scared to understand. The storm seemed to stop all at once though, and before he knew it, Jeongin’s soft lips were on his cheek. Then, the younger got up without looking back and walked back to his room, muttering a ‘goodnight, Chan’ as he went. The boy’s hot cocoa was still sitting on the table, slowly losing heat. And for the first time in a very long time, Bang Chan blushed.