#I want people to feel the thrill of discovery

[sylvianfoxart]

I want my art to be Hozier-coded not in a ‘ooh bog man’ way, but in a ‘discussing important socio-political concepts in a beautiful and incredibly meaningful way while using a long history of other meaningful media to express such concepts even to the extent of taking media that may not have originated for that purpose and using it to further illustrate one’s point for the sake of one’s audience’

[sunkissed-zegras]

𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐒 ─ PB⁵

౨ৎ ─ summary | request -> "helloooo! can you write something about reader suspecting paige and azzi’s friendship to be more than a friendship (r and paige are a situationship or sum like that) and just paige reassuring her and saying that she has eyes only for her etc… (paige is literally obsessed with r)? thank you so much 💖💖💖💖💖"

─ word count | 1.3k

─ warnings | hurt to comfort, paige being sassy, reassurance and so much cute fluffy, a singular kiss

─ taglist | @xocherishxo @iienstein @yazmunson @euphternal @boiliatfu and here's a link to my taglist if anyone would like to join!!

YOU AND PAIGE had been friends for a while now, but it was just recently you'd been friends... and a little more.

It was something new, something fun and something secret. The only person who knows was KK only because she'd walked in on the two of you kissing, and now she swears she's "traumatized."

The secret relationship (of some sorts) between you and Paige added an exhilarating edge to your friendship. It was a thrill, the stolen glances, the secretive rendezvous, the whispered conversations laden with double meanings. You found yourselves drawn to each other in a way that went beyond friendship, yet you both reveled in the secretive nature of your relationship.

KK's discovery of your secret sent a ripple of panic through both of you at first. But unsurprisingly, she was more supportive than expected, despite her initial shock. After the initial awkwardness wore off, she became your confidante, the one person you could trust with your affair. She teased you both mercilessly, of course, but it was all in good fun.

But beneath the excitement, there was also a hint of panic. Keeping your newfound romance a secret added an element of danger, a thrill that was both exhilarating and nerve-wracking. The fear of being discovered lurked in the background, heightening every stolen moment and making each encounter feel all all the more precious.

Yet despite the risks, the connection between you and Paige only seemed to grow stronger. The shared laughter, the stolen kisses, the quiet moments of intimacy — they all served to deepen the bond between you, creating a private world that was uniquely yours.

But of course, it wasn't all smooth sailing.

──

"What do you mean?" Paige's tone had an annoyed edge to it as she sent you a glance. She pulled off a side of her headphones as she kept her eyes glued on the computer screen.

You sighed exasperatedly, sitting up on her bed as you sent her a glare. "What do you think I mean?"

Paige hated when you spoke like that, so secretive and cryptic, like you wanted her to say the wrong thing. She liked things laid out plain and simple, while you preferred to dance around topics, especially ones that felt too vulnerable.

"I don't know, that's why I asked." Paige's voice didn't soften as she spoke, her eyes glancing at you every once in a while. She just had the most tiring practices and the last thing she wanted to do was argue with you.

You huffed, feeling frustrated. "I feel like Azzi has a crush on you or something. I see the way she looks at you, it's like when I look at you — all heart eyes, and shit."

Paige's lips curved into a smirk. "Aww, are you saying you have heart eyes for me?"

"I'm being serious, P." You were frustrated. You hated when you felt insecure, especially in relationships. While Paige never gave you any reason to doubt her, she was just naturally enticing and that's what pulled you to her in the first place.

But that's also why others were so captivated by her. The looks she gets, the way people spoke about her and now the whole TikTok obsession wasn't helping. You hated it — you wanted everyone to know that she was yours, and vice versa.

"Okay, okay." Paige's expression was still very much amused as she glanced toward you. "You know me and Azzi are just friends, we're just really close. I promise you, I'd know if she had a crush on me."

"I have eyes, Paige." You shot back, frustration bubbling in your voice.

You couldn't shake the feeling of insecurity gnawing at you, no matter how much you trusted Paige. The thought of someone else vying for her attention filled you with a sense of unease that you couldn't shake. You also knew that there was still that boundary, you weren't her girlfriend and had no valid reason for you to be jealous.

Paige's eyes widened at your tone. You never called her just by her name, it was some kind of nickname or pet name. She sighed as she pulled her headset off and set it down, turning to face you.

"Hey," Paige began gently, reaching out to take your hand in hers. "You have to believe me when I say there's nothing going on between me and Azzi. She's just a really good friend and she's not into me, and even if she is,"

She paused as she shook her head in amusement at the mere thought. "I don't want her, I want you."

You sighed, still feeling frustrated. "I want to believe you, P. I really do. But it's hard, you know? Seeing how close you two are, and... and knowing that I don't have any claim over you."

She squeezed your hand reassuringly, offering you a small smile. "I know it's not easy, especially when we haven't defined what we are yet. But that doesn't change how I feel about you."

You looked up, meeting her gaze, searching for any sign of deceit. But all you found was sincerity in her eyes.

"I care about you, more than I can put into words," Paige continued softly. "And I want you to feel secure in what we have, even if it's not official. You mean a lot to me."

You couldn't help but feel a flutter in your chest at Paige's words. Despite your doubts, her sincerity shone through, washing away some of your insecurities. Her hand in yours felt warm and comforting, grounding you in the present as you allowed yourself to bask in the affection she offered.

"I trust you, Paige," you admitted, a small smile tugging at your lips. "And I care about you too, a lot."

"Besides," Paige continued, her tone playful as she leaned in closer, her breath warm against your ear. "Who needs Azzi when I've got you? You're the one I can't stop thinking about, the one who drives me crazy in the best possible way."

You couldn't help but chuckle at her words, feeling a rush of affection for the girl sitting beside you. As you leaned in to press a soft kiss to her cheek, Paige's expression shifted, a teasing glint entering her eyes.

"And uh, speaking of claims," she began, her tone teasing as she traced a finger along your jawline. "You know, I've been thinking about you a lot lately. Can't seem to get you out of my head."

Your breath caught in your throat as you felt a blush creep up your cheeks. "Oh, really? And what exactly have you been thinking about?"

Paige leaned in closer, her lips brushing against yours as she whispered, "Just how lucky I am to have you in my life. And how much I want to make you mine, officially."

Your heart skipped a beat at her words, warmth spreading through you at the intensity of her gaze. In that moment, any lingering doubts melted away, leaving only the affection you'd felt for Paige.

"But not right now 'cus this isn't as romantic as I want," she continued as you scoffed playfully. You leaned away slightly only to be pulled back by the blonde.

Paige's playful smirk widened as she pulled you back towards her. "Hey, don't pout. I promise when the time comes, it'll be unforgettable."

"So, you're really going to make me wait?" you teased, a grin spreading across your face as you leaned into her touch.

Paige smirked, her eyes sparkling with amusement. "I want it to be perfect, baby. But for now," she added, leaning in to press a soft kiss to your lips, "just know that I'm all yours."

The warmth of her lips against yours sent a shiver down your spine, igniting a spark of desire within you. "I'll hold you to that," you murmured against her lips, feeling a surge of affection for the woman in front of you.

Paige smiled against your lips, her fingers tangling in your hair as she deepened the kiss, pulling you closer until there was no space left between you.

↳ make sure to check out my navigation or masterlist if you enjoyed! any interaction is greatly appreciated !

↳ thank you for reading all the way through, as always ♡

[teyamsatan]

We need inexperienced Neteyam and reader desperately.. pretty please

i might turn this into a mini series of different lessons Neteyam could learn ;) hope you enjoy bestie x

wc: 1.3k

warnings: smut (oral - m receiving, strong language, cursing)

na'vi compendium: tewng - loincloth

Being a human had its perks, and being an avatar, well, that goes without saying. One of the perks, turns out, was the wealth of information available to you at the touch of the button. Say what you want about the Sky People, but they were informed in things you could barely even conceive, and well, you've always loved to learn. You spent your whole life learning everything you could get your hands on, from more useful things, like how to patch a wound or how to treat an infection to... less useful things for day to day endeavours, but definitely intriguing to you.

There was a lot in Hell's Gate that the Na'vi and the scientists that were granted leave to stay were unaware of, and you were glad. Your research led you to unearth some... unsightly discoveries, that you were more than happy to have to put to good use right now, after a relaxing swim in the nearby lake, with your best friend that... has some questions. Well, you were nothing if not a good friend, and a dutiful teacher.

His eyes were wide as you smile and push him until he falls to the ground with a small thud. It was quiet in the forest, only the small chirps and trills of the animals living peacefully could be heard over the sounds of both your laboured breaths. He was anxious, you noted, based on his fluttering ears and his erratic tail wags.

"Are you nervous, Tay?" you couldn't help the teasing tone of your voice, as you traced your fingers down his body, from his collarbone, to his chest, down his defined abs, until you hooked your fingers in the band of his loincloth, tugging at it gently.

"Let me make you feel good, Tay. Let me show you what it feels like to be human for a little while."

With that, you untied his tewng and let it fall to the floor, and you gasped a little at his size. He was bigger than you expected, and the sight aroused you beyond belief, beyond words and comprehension, because if before this was just supposed to be a learning experience, now you knew that while he would get his, you would definitely get yours, too.

Almost inquisitively, with a tinge of wonder and awe, you run your fingers over the patterned stars of his length, from the base to the cotton candy pink tip, marvelling at his beauty and how nothing you've ever seen before in movies or magazines could ever compare to it. You tighten your grip and smirk when a sudden inhale broke through the silence and you raise your gaze to meet his eyes, that were tightly shut as his head was pushed back, and you knew then you wanted to see this face, see how he reacts to you, to your lessons, every day of your life.

"...f-fuck!"

You slowly start pumping him, taking your time, analysing each contraction of his facial muscles, thrilled at how he's falling apart around you and you haven't even properly started yet. When the tip becomes covered in pre-cum, you can't resist the need anymore, and you slowly inch your lips towards it, a little startled when Neteyam gets up suddenly, concern deeply embedded in his features.

"W-what are you doing?"

A hand still pumping him, you placed the other on his chest, pushing him back, willing him back in the same position he was in before.

"Shh, relax, tay. you wanted to learn, right?"

With that, you placed a small, gentle kiss on the tip, licking every drop of pre-cum, and you were shocked at how sweet it was, how you wouldn't mind having it coat your tongue, and your mouth, and your throat, until it was all you could taste. You shuffled uncomfortably at the ache that took over you, and how good you knew his cock would feel filling you, how just the stretch itself would bring you to the brink of orgasm. Maybe next lesson.

You couldn't help taking more of him in, your tongue pushed flat against his length as it went further down your throat until you gagged slightly around it. The groan that escaped Neteyam, low and uninhibited, emboldened you as you started a steady bob of your head up and down his length, one hand continuing to pump what you couldn't reach otherwise, while the other rubbed circles into his thigh, hoping this way he wouldn't overthink this and just relax. After all, what were friends for if not to help each other... learn and unwind?

His hand finds your hair and you purr against his cock when he starts petting you, the little gesture enough to make you excited for when he'd be experienced enough to take charge, the way you knew he had it in him.

"You feel so good. S-so good, fuck."

His hips buck against you and you moan as he slips further down your throat, as he starts thrusting in your mouth, and you let him, impressed about how quickly he seems to catch on and turned on about how his first instinct was to immediately take control. This would be easier than you thought.

"I'm gonna, i'm cu-"

Ropes of cum shoot down your throat as his cock throbs in your mouth, and the noises he makes, carnal and primal, make you slowly start grinding against the ground to find some of your own release. You make sure to suck him dry as he pulls out with a small pop, and you smirk as you lick your lips, watching him trying to catch his breath, watching him panting and slowly regaining him composure.

"Enjoy yourself, friend?"

"So... when's the next lesson?"

taglist: @fanboyluvr

[fae-feeder]

Your body was made for pleasure.

You never had the muscles to be an athlete or the figure to fit in with the popular girls. Quite the opposite - you were short, embarrassingly clumsy, and prone to gaining weight. Awkwardly large breasts made walking a tiring chore. By the time you got to college you had given up on any ambitions that required physical prowess, and resolved to pursue exclusively sedentary interests.

But there was one place your body could put the rest to shame. Where others chased the cerebral thrills of status and discovery, for you nothing could come close to how good your body could make you feel. A gentle hand caressing your curves would make you shake with pleasure. Every mouthful of a rich cake was a moment of pure bliss. Your body was wired for indulgence.

It was hard to accept at first. Your college friends couldn't understand that no house party would ever make you feel as good as an evening alone in your room, touching yourself and eating takeout until you passed out in a food coma orgasm. Lovers were unprepared for how needy you were, insatiably lustful but also delicately sensitive, and too lost in pleasure to be anything but a pillow princess. You pretended to fit in, to have the same ambitions as your peers. But a part of you yearned to drop the facade.

You graduated and found yourself with a remote job and a studio apartment in a new city. For the first time, you could binge all day on take-out and no one but the delivery drivers would know. And why would you do anything else, when it felt so good? Only the occasional promise of a hook-up could make you put down the fries, squeezing into clothes that you outgrew months ago to leave your den for some blissed-out sex on a stranger's bed.

You were aware that most people would find you pathetic. Friends with benefits would try to get to know you and learn that you spent your life between your bed and the extra-wide computer chair next to it, that most days you didn't walk further than the ten steps to your door for another oversized bag of food. You would act bashful, but secretly you loved it. You imagined yourself as the princess of indulgence, useless, helpless, worshipped, kept in a permanent state of pleasure. It was your constant fantasy, and nothing turned you on more.

That was how I found you. Twenty-four years old, hopelessly out of shape, with swolen thighs each as wide as my chest and breasts the size of my head. At first it was just about sex, but it didn't take long for us to realize we shared the same fantasies. Fantasies about you getting even bigger, filling the bed, helplessly fat. Always craving food and sex, and always getting what you want. Indulgence.

I love to touch you when you're stuffed full with endless treats, make you feel as good as possible and watch as your nervous system overwhelms you until you can't talk or think or move. I want to spoil you until it becomes the norm. I think you should give in. I think you deserve a life full of nothing but pleasure.

After all, you were made for it.

[ladyinwriting18]

The Experiment (Doc Ock x Reader)

Summary: Otto Octavius has come up with a little experiment. Will you be able to prove the doctor's hypothesis correct?

Words: 6,241 Co-Author: simpremerat

Warnings: Daddy Kink, Sex In Lab, Multiple orgasms, spanking, sex toys, PIV, oral (female receiving)

“I expect you in my lab at 10:00pm, little sunbeam. I have so much planned for you, it would be a shame to delay because I have to punish you for being late.” The text from your boyfriend sends you into a tail-spin of questions. Was he surprising you with a night on the town? Or having dinner sent to his lab? Should you dress classy? Sexy? Would there be other people there? You read over his text.

The word ‘punish’ jumps out at you from your cell phone screen. The ominous undertone is impossible to ignore. Otto Octavius isn’t one to pussy foot around. He wouldn’t threaten a consequence if he didn’t plan on keeping true to his word.

Throughout your entire relationship he’s always been very clear and concise with his feelings, wants, and expectations. He’s an excellent communicator which was one of the many aspects that made dating him so easy.

Your heart rate picks up just enough to cause the hairs on the back of your neck to stand up. Whatever he had planned, it clearly wasn’t going to be your typical dinner date. With this in mind you start getting ready. If Otto had gone out of his way to plan something special for you, then you would dress the part for him. You would make it worth Daddy’s while.

Your hands run over your body as you slip on a new lingerie set. It’s sheer with swirls of lace flower patterns all done in your favorite color. It makes you feel overly feminine and beautiful. Over it you put on a simple black cocktail dress, so as not to ruin the surprise underneath. Stepping into your black heels and adding final touches to your make up, you find yourself anxiously checking the clock. While cheekily showing up a few minutes late sounds enticing, it would surely prolong the surprises of the night. With your mind made up, you lock your front door and make your way down the street in the direction of Otto’s lab.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A few blocks away Otto is doing his own last minute preparations. All the while his mind spins with possibilities of what he could do with his pretty princess behind the walls of his lab. The rest of the staff had long since left for the evening, ensuring there would be no interruptions. Thrilling as it might have been to have the threat of discovery hanging over your heads, he wouldn’t share this, or you, with anyone.

He’d already changed out of his normal work attire. Instead of a lab jacket, he wore his leather duster coat. His chest is bare but he wears black pants, and heavy leather boots.

Otto waits by the table that ordinarily serves as a workstation. Well….he supposes in a way it still is. However, it no longer holds his notes and microscope because very soon his perfect girl would be on top of it. Beside it, a tray with an array of toys, all new. He couldn’t have the ‘data’ corrupted by being predictable. You’re always so…curious about his work, and so he came up with an idea for an ‘experiment’. Just. For. You. He glances down at his watch to check the time before flicking his gaze towards the glass double doors at the exact moment you walk in. 

Right on time like the good girl you are. 

The smile that is reserved for only you breaks over his lips, but when he pauses to take you in, his eyes darken with undisguised lust. He would have had the same reaction to you showing up in sweats, but seeing that you had gone out of your way to please him leaves him hard. “Oh sunbeam, you’re perfect.” A content hum follows his words as he closes the distance between you. 

“Hi Daddy. Did I make it on time?” You ask cutely even though you were right on time.

Otto grins at your clear search for praise. He catches your chin in his palm and tilts your face to meet his gaze. His little sunbeam in the palm of his hand. “You did. Such a good girl, doing exactly as Daddy asked and coming to his lab.” His thumb runs over your bottom lip, “And looking so beautiful too. You spoil me, don’t you?” You blossom under his praise and lean into his touch. He makes you feel so good with just a few words and a light touch to your chin. “I’m glad Daddy thinks I look beautiful.” If you wanted to say more, you weren’t given the chance because he inclined his head to claim your lips. The kiss is soft and deceivingly chaste as his mind fills with the image of your makeup running down your face  from yet another orgasm. 

“Forgive the secrecy,” He mumbles against your lips, reluctant to break away. Still he trades the hold he has on your chin for your hand. “But I thought you might enjoy a surprise.”

Your eyes light up at the word. 

Hand in hand, he guides you further into the lab towards the table you usually find him working at. His supplies are gone, and it takes you only seconds to realize he intends to replace it with you.

You aren’t given the chance to voice your realization before the touch of Otto’s lips brush against the shell of your ear so he can murmur into it.

“Daddy wants to show his curious girl his work. A little experiment. Would you like to hear about it?”

He catches a lock of your hair, and twists it around his finger before giving it a soft tug like a bell. His breath tickles the sensitive skin of your ear in such a way that you find yourself clenching your thighs together. You nod your head and he continues. “I want to test a hypothesis. I think my Little Sunbeam can give me at least four orgasms tonight while her Daddy uses her like his good, eager little cum slut on his table.” Your knees nearly buckle. Wicked man. Such a wicked man with an even more wicked mind. “Do you think you can prove my hypothesis right?”

His words break you from your thoughts. 

You meet his gaze. The passion in his dark eyes penetrates your soul. You lean in to press the tip of your nose to his. “What does my Doctor need me to do first?”

A grin spreads across his features. Even his metal claws click with excitement. It’s a sin of how effortlessly perfect you are. He chuckled indulgently at your quick agreement and wonders if you’ll keep it once you realize what he has in store. Not that his plans are bad, but he didn’t intend on either of you leaving this lab until you were a wet, dripping mess that was barely capable of coherency. Straightening his spine, he runs a single hand along your side. “First, I need you to hold still.” His hand continues its path, moving up to take hold of the zipper at the back of your dress. He pulls it down until the smooth black material is a dark puddle at your feet. When he catches sight of what lies underneath, his eyes widen. You look over your shoulder to see his reaction to your new lingerie set being revealed to him. You can’t help but giggle at how stunned he seems. Surprising him has always brought you great joy, this moment is no different.

“You are….exquisite, Little Sunbeam.” Otto breathes out, inclining his head to kiss your bare shoulder.

His praise has you nearly wiggle your ass back into him, feeling mischievous. A feeling that quickly fades as large hands make their way up your arms and then around to the front of your body. “Otto,” Your mouth falls open in a moan when his hands cup your breasts. He palms them  while his fingers easily find your nipples, pinching them through the thin fabric of your bra. The lace is so thin that you might as well be naked. Your nipples harden from his touch. He knows your body too well, alternating between pinches and light tugging that leave you squirming in his grasp. 

You can already feel Otto’s hardness pressed into your backside. It only worsens your squirming. Your hands grip at his sleeves while he paws at you.

“Does that feel good, Princess?” The smugness in his voice tells you that he already knows the answer, but still you know he’ll expect an answer. “Yes, Doctor Octavius.”

You swear he purrs at the sound of you using his formal title. “Keep holding still while Daddy helps you onto the table?” You nod and he bends, hooking an arm under your knees and keeping the other around your back so he can lift you off your feet. Even though he had warned you, you still giggle loudly when your feet leave the ground. “Daddy is so strong.” You whisper as nerves bubble in your belly. The two of you had been intimate countless times before, but tonight seems different. More….sexually charged.

You can’t deny that your cunt is already damp behind the lace of your panties. Otto gently sets you down on the table, helping you to lay back before two of his tentacles snaked around him. The cool metal claws glide down your stomach, thighs, and calves. Your body arches to meet their touch. You enjoy the feeling of them just as much as you enjoy the touch of his hands. To you, they are just extensions of the man you love, and therefore a part of him. And like a good girl, you love every part of your Daddy.

The claws lock into place around your ankles and slowly start pulling your legs further apart, giving him an unobstructed view of your pussy, concealed only by a scrap of feminine fabric. Your toes curl inside of your heels, as the throb of your cunt becomes stronger. You feel like his toy. Like his personal plaything, all laid out on his lab table. The thought alone is enough to make you want to cum. “Now, Daddy has bought some new things, and he’s going to use them…but first—” He looms over you, bending down to whisper to you, his face hovering just above your own. “First, I want to see if I can make my girl gush all over my face with just my tongue. Do you think you can do that for me?”

Your cheeks flush but you nod without hesitation, and beg for the chance. “Please can I? Can I cum on your tongue?”

“Of course my good girl can.” Otto growls, lips twisting into a smirk as he moves to the end of the table. His claws drag you down towards him so you’re in the perfect position. He runs his hands up your legs, appreciating the smooth warmth of your flesh. When he reaches the apex of your thighs, he traces the pretty lace pattern of your panties, “As lovely as you look in these, they’re keeping me away from what’s mine.”

The sharp sound of ripping echoes throughout the lab. He’s ripped your panties clean off your body, revealing your glistening sex to his gaze. He bends down, releasing a raspy exhale before turning his head to leave kisses on your inner thighs. You whine, bucking your hips off the table. He’s taking his sweet time but you need that skillful mouth of his on your cunt. You continue your impatient movements, struggling within the hold of his claws. But Otto is unphased. He won’t be rushed. A third tentacle moves to press into your lower abdomen. There is something so darkly appealing about the way you squirm for him. The thought that you’re so needy that you can’t stay still. He didn’t have the heart to continue being cruel, so he glides his tongue down to your slit. He groans at the taste of you. “You taste devine my sweet girl.” He explores your depths with his tongue, savoring the taste of you like you were his last meal. You’re about to plead for more, but the words die in your throat the second his mouth wraps around your clit. He sucks at that throbbing, swollen gem of yours, loving the way your thighs shake. His hands latch onto your hips, dragging you closer and holding you just where he wants you. “Mmmhh! F-Fuck, right there!” Your hands grip the sides of the table, knuckles white from how he sucks harder on your clit. You throw your head back since his claws stop you from doing much else. “Feels so good! Don’t stop. Please don’t! You’re s-so good with y-your mouth, Daddy!”

The muscles in your stomach tighten as his tongue steadily works you higher to your peak. His mouth is so warm, wet, and fucking perfect. The pleasure he gives is almost deafening. Your blood pumps through your veins so hard that you swear you can hear it.

You can remember in the beginning of your relationship when Otto was determined to learn every inch of your body. It wasn’t something most men bothered with, but not Otto Octavius . No, he had studied you so he could turn you into the mewling mess you are now.

You’re so close to cumming that you aren’t sure you’ll even get the chance to ask permission before you do, but still you try. “I’m so close to cumming. Please let me cum? Please let your experiment give you her first orgasm?” He can’t drag himself away from your soaked cunt long enough to tell you that making you cum is the whole point. So instead he nods while lapping away at your clit. His permission is a blessing. The moment he gives it you let go and cum hard, gushing all over his face. “Mmmh my good, sweet girl.” Otto moans into you, lapping up every drop his tongue can catch. It’s only when he feels your body still that he gently withdraws. The tentacles on your stomach and ankles slide away as he straightens and walks back to the head of the table. You feel dazed, your mind only having enough function to tell you to refill your lungs with air. A hand runs over your sweat-dampened hair. Your eyes flutter open to find Otto hovering over you with a proud smile adorning his lips. He stares at you as if admiring a piece of fine art. His eyes roam, taking in how incredible you look blissed out. Your face flushed, your hair tousled, your nipples peaked behind the fabric of your bra, your legs spread wide. To him you are a masterpiece. 

“Daddy is so proud of you. You did so well for me. And I know you can do it again, can’t you?” You bask in his praise, not hesitating to answer, “Yes Doctor, I can cum for you again.” “Good, whenever you’re ready, turn over onto your knees with your ass up.” Wanting to give you time he walks over to the tray table and picks a single item from it. By the time he’s turned back around, you’ve already moved yourself into position. Your face and upper body lays flat on the table while your knees are propped up with your back arched, leaving your ass and cunt on full display. A tremor runs through you from being this exposed, but it also feels good to simply obey and forget about everything else. Something catches your eyes, a long black piece of silk dangling from his finger. Your brain quickly registers that it’s a blindfold. “Would you like to wear this for me?” You nod and stay still as he ties the blindfold in place. The world around you goes dark but heightens your other senses. “If you become overwhelmed or need to stop you tell me. Immediately. Is that understood?” 

You’re touched that even after all this time he still takes his time to remind you of the parameters of your dynamic. “Yes Otto.” He hums, pleased by your response. Shortly after, your ears pick up on the sound of his steps walking away and then coming closer again. You can only assume it’s to gather more items. You try to listen for more clues but the only thing you hear is a small thunk of something being placed beside you on the lab table. “Are you nervous about what the Doctor is going to do with his beautiful, cock hungry experiment next?” You aren’t given the chance to answer before he starts running something along your body. It starts at the nape of your neck and travels down your spine. You automatically recognize the touch of leather. It caresses your skin as strands of it fall on either side of your body.. You shake your head and answer him. “I’m not nervous. I want it, want to feel it.” He stops at your backside, letting the handle rest just between your asscheeks. “Then tell me; what do you think this is that I’ve been running along your skin?” He’s certain you know but he wants to hear you say it. “A flogger? Made of leather.” He chuckled indulgently at your accurate guess, tapping the hand of the flogger to the base of your spine. “Clever girl. Yes, a flogger made of leather. Just for you.” You preen under his praise, a smile curling at the corners of your mouth. That is until something is pressed against your nipple. You gasp at the vibrations that instantly cause your nipple to harden. “Do you feel what else I can do to this magnificent body of yours?” You don’t know where the vibrator came from but you don’t care. “Yes Daddy. I want more. Please give me more?” “My poor, pretty little experiment. Already so desperate when the doctor just made her cum.” His tone is soft, a mix of sympathy and degradation. Caught between his desire to pleasure you and make you mad for just the thought of his touch. He moved the vibrator to your other nipple, pressing it down a little harder. Your pleas grow louder and his tentacles stir around him, reacting to his thoughts. You owed him a few more orgasms and he was planning on getting them. Lowering his hand from your nipple, he brings the vibrator down your stomach, circles your navel before bringing it to your clit. Your hips buck back just as the leather strands slap across your backside. You cry out, the mix of pain and pleasure has you gasping. You aren’t sure it can get much better but then the vibrator shifts, sliding through your slick folds and slipping inside.

However the stimulation on your clit isn’t lost, making you realize that the toy he’s using has a second attachment to stimulate your clit and g-spot simultaneously. You cry out his name but it’s cut off by the flogger being brought back down onto your ass. 

His jaw clenches at the sound of it against your skin. “Your skin marks so easily.” Even if it’s faint, just those two strikes left traces of pink across your skin. Small marks of his possession that only left him hungry for more. The leather strands snap across your back. You give a high pitched yelp from the impact. “Fuck! Thank you Daddy! Mark me more Daddy? Please?” You grind back onto the toy the more he whips your ass. Your cunt is so slick that you’re starting to drip. “So fucking wet.” He breathes, “How long do you think it’ll take you this time, Little Sunbeam?” His gaze roams over every inch of you. Your submission is his favorite possession. Far more priceless than the money and power and prestige he’d once allowed to be his everything. As important as his work is to him and as much time as he devoted to it, it’s moments like these when he knew he’d gladly give it all up for you.

His perfect sunbeam. 

He pumps the toy in harder, increasing the pace while the second attachment buzzes against your swollen clit. You pant and whine each time the toy hits your g-spot. It feels so good that you have difficulty holding steady. Your whole body trembles under the build of tension and pleasure. The flogger comes down again and your cunt clenches around the vibrator, hard enough that you gush. “Otto!” You cry out his name, knowing you’re close but he doesn’t stop the movement of either of his hands. Three more strikes to your ass and you’re falling apart. “That’s it, cum again for me Sunbeam.”

Your ears ring from how hard your orgasm hits. Involuntarily your thighs clamp together around the toy and his hand. Your body is as stiff as a board until the waves of your orgasm subside. Only when your muscles relax does your body unfurl and your head rests back down on the lab table. Seeing that you’re starting to lay back down does he carefully slide the toy from your depths before passing it and the flogger to one of his awaiting claws so they could return the items to the tray. He places his hand on your back and rubs soothing circles against your soft skin. 

“Keep breathing, Princess. Nice and slow. Daddy’s going to take the blindfold off now.” He does just that, sliding it off slowly so you could adjust to the light. Once it’s off he tosses it aside. His actuators began moving around you and turn you on your back. Coming face to face with him and you smile, cheeks flushed from your two orgasms. “Hi Daddy.” He returns your smile. “Are you alright? Do you need a break? Water?” He questions softly while his gaze sweeps over you, lingering on your soaked cunt and the glistening pleasure on your thighs. 

You reach up to cup his cheek, “I’m more than alright. I want to keep going. I still need to give Daddy two more.” “Very well, Sunbeam.” He smirks and reaches for you again, tracing his thumbs over your nipples. “Would you like to choose what you cum on next? Another toy? Or perhaps my fingers in those leather gloves you like?”  

Your chest arches into his touch, eyes about to fall shut until he mentions his gloves. You perk up at that. “Gloves. Please use your leather gloves.” 

He turns his face into the hand at his cheek and leaves a kiss to your palm before stepping away so he could grab his gloves. Moving back to your side, he lets you watch him slip his large hands into the cool, stiff material. He reaches out and traces his index finger along your jawline. “My Little Sunbeam…so sweet, so responsive. Will you keep being a good girl for me and get my fingers as wet as that cunt of yours?” He brings two fingers to your lips, seeking entrance. You take the thick digits into your mouth, moaning at the taste of leather that fills your senses. You start by delicately sucking, trying to retain that image of innocence to entice him further. It’s your favorite game to play. Being the innocent mouse caught in his sharp claws. You coo around his fingers and stare at him with wide eyes. He looks back at you and curses under his breath at the feeling of your mouth and that pleading look you’re giving him. 

It’s all too much. With his free hand, he unzips and unbuttons his pants so his cock springs free from the fabric. It curls up towards his navel as he wraps his hand around the base. “You’ve had me hard for you all day, Little Sunbeam. I’ve been distracted with thoughts of you since this morning.” His confession has your face heating up, but it’s the breathlessness of his voice that has your eyes traveling down his body. You find him stroking his length in his gloved hand, pre-cum already leaking from the tip. Your hips buck and a long muffled moan leaves you at the sight. You twitch with want, finding it difficult to stay still while watching him. And the worst part is, he knows it. “See something you like?” You nod with a whimper, hands reaching for him to grip the opening of his coat. “Does my experiment want her Doctor’s cock?” You whimper louder and try to pull him closer by his jacket, but Otto doesn’t budge. Instead he slips his now wet fingers from your mouth so he can shift his attention to your cunt. “Always such a good, good girl.” He mumbles, and places just his thumb on your clit, stroking it as soft as he would a kitten begging for attention. “And if my good girl wants my cock then she’s going to have to give me that third orgasm before I cum all over her tits. Can you do that?” “Yes, Daddy. I can do th-nghh!” Your words turn into sounds as his index and middle fingers slip inside you. He begins to slowly pump his fingers in and out of your depths. Your mouth falls open and your brows knit together, pleasure once again crumpling your expression. His thumb presses harder against your clit, circling it and making your entire body jolt as if being shocked with electricity. “Yes! Don’t stop! More, please more!”

Your cries has his fist moving faster up and down his length. To him, you’re nothing short of a religious experience. He can hear your wetness smash against his gloves, eliciting a deep guttural groan from his chest. “You better hurry with that orgasm or Daddy is going to end up painting your chest.” His head tilts back in pleasure as he moves his hand in tandem with quickening thrusts of his fingers in and out of your soaked core. His need builds by the moment. But then again, so is yours. Your cunt repeatedly clenches around his leather clad digits. Your body quakes and your mind feels fogged over with heat. You can’t pull your eyes from him, watching as his head tilts back. But still you manage to grind down on his fingers. 

His fingers hit you deep, causing fresh juices to spill out of you and coat the palm of his glove. It's all too much, too erotic. Watching him touch himself. The feeling of leather inside and pressed to your clit. You’re starting to come apart much faster than you thought possible after already cumming twice, but your body seems determined to give Otto whatever he wants. “Daddy!” You gasp, not capable of stopping what’s coming. “So c-close! I–mmmhhh!” You can’t even finish your sentence before your hips arch off the table and your inner walls spasm. You scream out his name as you cum. It hits you hard, takes your breath away, and rocks your body off its axis. You suck in air to try and refill your lungs. It feels as if you’ve just ran a mile. You slump back and a few overstimulated tears roll down your cheeks. He withdraws his fingers from your core slowly and carefully, all the while keeping a close eye on you as you come down from your high. Ridding himself of his soiled gloves, his hands come to cup your face. His thumbs glide over your cheeks to wipe away your tears. “My perfect girl. Daddy’s here. He has you.” He lets one of his hands move to your hair, catching a lock of it and twining it around his index finger. His loving voice and soft touch cause you to stir, the corners of your mouth twitch in an attempt to smile. You’re floating on a cloud or maybe an ocean wave. 

Whichever it is, you feel amazing. Tired, but weightless. The feeling of subspace keeps you warm until your eyes manage to flutter open. Your eyes meet, seeing that his face only inches from your own has you humming. He isn’t sure he’s ever seen you look so spent before, he rather enjoys it. 

“I’m so proud of you, Little Sunbeam. You’ve done so well for me. Better than I could have imagined.” You swallow thickly to moisten your throat so you could speak. “I like making Daddy proud.”

With a smile Otto leaves a kiss at your hairline. “Now…I think you can prove my hypothesis correct and give me one last orgasm, but you must tell me if you need to rest. I won’t have you passing out or uncomfortable. I want you to enjoy my cock just as much as I’m going to enjoy giving it to you.” 

He mentions finally giving you his cock and your arm comes to wrap around his broad shoulders. You pull him in so you could lazily kiss his mouth, forgetting all about his question. But your throat starts to feel dry again, forcing you to pull back. “I don’t want to stop. I want to finish Daddy’s experiment, but can I have some water first?” “Of course you can, my love.” He breathes, but doesn’t move away. Instead one of his metal claws slithers over to grab a bottle of water from the tray table. “Here, let Daddy help you.” 

The same metal arm snakes around your shoulders and guides you upwards so you don’t choke. He unscrews the cap and brings the bottle to your lips, letting you drink your fill. As much as his cock begs for attention, nothing is worth endangering your health. “Drink as much as you need, Little Sunbeam.” You do, greedily drinking more than half of the bottle. The water feels so good sliding down your raw throat. When you’ve finished you pull back and breath contently through your mouth. Otto’s claw pulls back, letting you rest back down on the lab table and discarding the bottle. “Soooo,” You draw the word out while batting your eyes up at him. “Does this mean I can have Daddy’s cock now?” 

He tosses his head back with a gruff chuckle. Leave it to you to be on the brink of exhaustion and then in the blink of an eye be ready for more at the thought of his cock. “Don’t fret, Princess. I think we’ve both waited long enough.” He straightens his spine and walks to the edge of the table. The actuators move with him, two of them trailing down your legs before clasping around your ankles to pull you forward so that your feet dangle over the edge and Otto can step between your thighs. He hadn’t bothered to tuck his cock back into his pants, allowing it to now rest against your cunt. His wraps around the base to guide it through your folds, teasing you from your slit to your clit. “I thought you said we’ve both waited long enough?” You pant and squirm.

  A wicked grin spreads across his features. “Hm, I did say that, didn’t I?” Without another word he slams inside you. You gasp at every inch being pushed into you so fast. 

He immediately tenses, moaning at the feeling of your cunt swallowing him whole. He feels your walls flutter around him, trying to accommodate his size. “My Sunbeam is always so tight.” He groans, closing his eyes and gripping your hips in his firm grasp. You moan in response and throw your arms around his neck. He starts by moving out slowly, then back in, giving you time to adjust. But Otto knew he couldn’t wait much longer, not after watching you cum three times.

Brown eyes look down and sees his cock glistening from your juices. He isn’t sure he’s ever seen a more beautiful sight. He slams into you, unable to keep his pace slow, earning him a yelp from your trembling lips. “I’ve waited all night for this. To stretch you out with my cock and use you like my perfect little toy.” Your eyes are glued to one another as he talks. Both of you taking in the other’s blissful expressions. You find yourself clinging onto his shoulders, nails clawing at his flesh. You’re so turned on, so stimulated from every orgasm he’s given you. 

The movement of his claws catches your eye. They seem to be opening up a bottle of lube. “Daddy? What’s that for?”

“What’s that for?” He repeated slowly, enjoying your anticipation. Your mounting need. He could almost taste that final orgasm. “This is a lube I created just for you. To make sure my Sunbeam experiences the most pleasure possible for her last orgasm.” He keeps up the momentum of his thrusts while his claw brings the bottle over you and starts to drizzle the contents onto your cunt. “Daddy made it?” You gasp when he tells you he’s created the lube for you. It makes you feel so loved that he’s taken time away from his busy seclude to create something so intimate for you. At first you feel nothing new, but the more Otto thrusts into you the harder your inner walls clench. The lube seems to be stimulating you and making your cunt feel warm. “D-Daddy! It’s making my pussy tingle.” You whine, head tilting back at the overwhelming sensation. 

“That’s it, Princess. Surrender to it.” His fingers press firmer into the swell of your hips. The likelihood that you’ll have fingerprints bruised into your skin come morning grows. He thrusts in and out of your core as his claw drip more lube directly onto your clit. It’s harder for him to speak now, but he grits the words out. “Rub your clit for Daddy.” Your toes curl at his gruffer tone. You know what it means, that he’s close to cumming. Not wanting him to cum without you, you reach a trembling hand down between your legs. You stroke your clit in smooth circles while staring up into his dark eyes. “Like this Doctor?” He grunts, beads of sweat forming along his hairline. “Just like that. Doing so well for me.” You want to say more but the lube kicks in, causing your clit to throb beneath your fingertips. Your toes curl, finding it hard to keep focus. You stroke your clit faster and grind down to meet his thrusts. Your mind goes blank. The tingling of the lube and being stretched out by his cock has you shaking as a familiar tension spreads throughout your lower body. Your free hand grips the edge of the lab table while the rest of you shakes and Otto knows your peak is drawing near. “That’s it Sunbeam, prove your doctor’s hypothesis. Cum for me just one more time.” 

Heat is rising in your body. Every muscle feels like a bowstring pulled taunt. “I’m gonna! I’m gonna!” You can’t even complete your sentence before your body jolts and your orgasm hits. Your vision blurs and a ringing echoes in your ears. Above you, Otto tosses his head back with a shout. Your inner walls closed in around him so tightly that it caused him to cum right along with you. 

He fills you to the brim, emptying every drop inside your depths. Without warning he moves his hands to rest on either side of your head, caging you in so he can lean down and kiss you. You purr, gripping the front of his jacket to hold him in place, but you’re much too weak for that. The kiss doesn’t last long. You’re both shaking too hard. Your chests rise and fall with labored breaths. The air around you starts to settle. You both stay tangled together even after his cock softens and slips out of you. The thought of being parted is too much to bear for either of you. Otto is the first to speak while gently stroking your sweat-dampened hair back. “You truly are magnificent, Little Sunbeam. So perfect for your Daddy.” He holds you close and places kisses at your cheeks, the tip of your nose and then your forehead. You nuzzle into his kisses with a giggle and brush your lips along his before he reluctantly straightens his back. “You, my dear, are a true marvel. Giving me orgasm after orgasm. Daddy is so proud of you.” His claws have already pulled a chair beside the lab table. He pulls his pants back on before curling his arms around you to lift you into his embrace and sitting down in the chair. Feeling his body heat has you tucking yourself even closer to him and laying your head on his shoulder. Both of you are content to simply bask in the afterglow. His fingers play along your spine. You coo at the pleasant feeling and listen to his velvet like voice. “Daddy has you. Rest now, my love. I’m here to take care of you. I’ll take you home whenever you’re ready.” You nod and let your eyes drift close. You aren’t sure how much time passes and neither of you cares. Both of you have what you need and that’s each other. A playful grin tugs at the corners of your mouth before you open your mouth to speak.  “I’m glad your experiment was successful, Doctor Octavious.”

Otto chuckles, squeezing you tightly as his chest rumbles with laughter.

“As am I, Little Sunbeam. As am I.”

[chosos-mascara]

｡˚۰˚☽ K I N K T O B E R D A Y 17 ☽˚۰˚｡

Camboy (Part 2) - Giyu Tomioka

read part one here

cw: masturbation, exhibitionism, getting caught, creampie

Unable to stop yourself watching his content, you find out Giyu had used something of yours for one of his videos.

minors+ageless dni. 3.9k words

It hadn't just been a one time thing. 

You'd told yourself, you'd believed yourself when thinking you wouldn't do it again; it was just a heated moment of misjudgment, a thrill you'd found yourself partaking in. When coming down from the climax you'd given yourself that night, you slept a little restless, though found comfort in knowing you wouldn't partake in something so perverse again. He was your roommate, after all. 

But late at night, you'd toss and turn, an ache between your legs you found yourself unable to extinguish, even with all the filth you'd be able to find on the internet; nothing gave you the electrifying buzz of watching Giyu's videos, knowing he was only a room away from you. You'd become intoxicated by the way his body jerked against himself, the way his hips had swayed as he relieved himself from all pent up frustrations and anger in the world; cumming with whimpers and gasps leaving him, all while being documented and uploaded onto the site.

Closing your eyes you'd find yourself clenching around empty space, unable to help the need tto hear his groans again, watching his seed spill onto his own hands, or the flesh-light you'd become accustomed to through viewing his videos, previously unaware of its existence within your home. Your favourite videos had come to be the ones involving pillows, his thrusts into the folded cushions becoming weaker, voice strained as he spilled into the creases of the fabric. When he'd posted the video, your heart had fluttered, remembering how his duvet had been hanging up to dry in the lounge of your home, knowing that he'd had to wash his sheets due to his cum coating them. 

It had been a month since his account had been brought to your attention, and with the two new additions he'd added shortly after your discovery, you'd had to have watched each video multiple times, now able to memorize your favourite parts from each video, your thoughts throughout the day tainted with the obsession over the black haired male you'd lived with.

You'd engaged in a little more conversation with him, making an effort to wedge yourself into his life, even if small steps at first. When passing in the hall, you'd stopped pressing yourself against the wall to avoid coming into contact with him, instead edging slightly closer as to feel his arm slip over yours, or from time to time, knocking on his door and asking if he wanted to come to the store with you, or join you on a study session in the library. 

He'd decline most of the time, being a recluded male, but your heart raced on the few times he'd taken up your offer, usually to get himself a snack or two while you'd done a small grocery haul, the pair of you enjoying the comfortable silence you'd shared while walking down isles. 

You'd done well to hide the way being in his presence had made you feel; he was like a celebrity to you, but had been none-the-wiser of your own indulgences. When his blue eyes peered over you, your knees grew weak, an innate throb at your core as you'd been able to recall each sound that would tumble from his lips while in his most intimate moments. Giyu hadn't any idea that his anonymity had been breached by you, though you'd never tell a soul about it. If you had, you'd also be admitting to borderline perving on him, and give up on the thrill of knowing something he'd been so oblivious to. He'd stated in his bio that he'd gotten off to the thought of people watching him, which would always replay in your mind when watching one of his videos for the umpteenth time. 

Once eating dinner, and settling into bed, your routine hadn't quite ended yet. Grabbing the new vibrator from your nightstand (due to the amount you'd been using the old one, you'd felt it had been deserved), you brought it to parted legs, ready to finish the night before sleeping. Thankfully, Giyu had been out with a friend, so you'd had the house to yourself. 

You opened up your phone browser, searching his username into the bar and eagerly hitting 'search', pressing onto the profile. All dignity had left you at this point, and you'd fully accepted your actions each night, no longer locking and unlocking your phone in anticipation, guilt riddling you as you'd thought of actually doing it again. Instead, this was just a part of your day. It's possible your speed at discarding all morality had been alarming, choosing to chase an orgasm over actually considering if your actions were correct in a societal sense, but at this point, you were past caring. 

Clicking the videos tab, you clicked at the toy, waiting until the buffering screen had subsided to actually place it onto yourself, but once you'd skimmed over a new addition to the channel, you'd bolted upright. Were your eyes deceiving yourself? A new video, only thirty seconds long, filmed in portrait instead of his usual landscape angle, his erection in the thumbnail from his own point of view. Usually he'd had the phone propped up on something, and taken an artsier format, but this had been purely to capture a moment he didn't want to forget. The title - 

'cumming on my roommates panties' 

Mouth ajar, you sat in awe, thumb hovering over the video. You'd turned the vibrator off as you'd used both hands to steady your shaking phone in your grip, heart racing against chest. Eyes moving over the title again, and again, you'd let the idea marinate for a few seconds. Surely, it had been staged, he'd probably bought a pair of underwear from the local department store and used this as a rouse for the video; a risque title earning a few extra views.

Clicking, you waited for the image to load in. The short interval between tapping the video and it coming onto the screen had felt like a minute, but had probably been only a second or two. It began, and you searched over his torso, eyes resting on the erection he'd been stroking, his hand moving slightly to hold pink cotton over the end of his cock, hips jerking forward as he came into them. 

You were in locked position, watching events that had already occurred, playing aloud the breathless gasps commentating his orgasm, before bringing them away from himself to show to his phone camera; evidence to his claim on your clothing before ending the video. 

You weren't sure how to react to the content you'd just set your eyes upon. It was highly unlikely he'd guessed you were watching his videos, which left the conclusion that Giyu had felt some sort of desire toward you - desire that you'd reciprocated. Collecting your thoughts, you'd been left to wonder on the whereabouts of said garment. You swallowed, standing and pulling up your pyjama bottoms, deciding that today, your orgasm would be due to a physical part of Giyu - not just a video recording. He was out, and you'd had a good guess that he'd have held onto the underwear, knowing that if he'd have washed them, there was a chance you'd have seen, and questioned why they'd been in the machine at the same time as his own clothing. 

Maybe it had been more wishful thinking than anything, wanting him o have held onto the soaked piece of fabric as it would prove to you he'd had a little more interest in you than one, fleeting moment. Rather, an attraction to you. 

Thus, your mission began. You rushed to his bedroom, ready to complete your desire as quickly as possible, before the boy would return home. He'd already been gone an hour, so you'd presumed you'd had another hour at minimum to find your high, and return the panties to their resting place before he'd arrived back at the apartment. 

You glanced over the furnishings, only familiar with the layout due to his videos - you'd only step foot within the confines of his room twice, once being to return his laptop, and the other during the short tour he'd given you when moving in. 

His room was kept neat, bed made, dust free shelves above decorated in small plants, an arrangement of nick-nacks between, a desk on the opposite wall housing books and papers, a few camera lenses and his laptop. You exhaled a shaky laugh as your fingers traced over the closed computer, knowing that the very device had began whatever the fuck you'd call this. 

Walking toward the bed, you'd decided to start there, kneeling at the carpet to bend onto all fours, glancing over the boxes he'd shoved beneath, though upon inspection, they'd been filled only with university materials, thus unhelpful. 

Next had been his wardrobe, a slim black piece that held his daily essentials, the few jumpers he'd rotated through the week, pairs of trousers to accompany them, a shelf for toiletries and drawers beneath to accommodate his own underwear. A twang of hope sprung through you as you'd searched carefully through his boxers, wondering if he'd have thrown in yours too, but the storage device had been nothing more than a red-herring. You placed any disruptions to the garments back to how they'd been before, not wishing to leave evidence of your investigation. 

The desk was the same story, only filled with stationary used for his studies. Sighing, you'd felt defeated, turning on heel to leave, before your eyes set over the bedside table that had yet to be searched. This had been the most probable answer, as you'd kept anything relating to self indulgence within your own, a final piece to the puzzle you'd haphazardly thrown together. 

You sat on his mattress, nausea coating you as your hand reached to the knob of the top drawer, pulling it open. The familiar feeling of your arousal had pooled at your pussy, unable to breathe as your eyes ogled the contents. 

Crumpled within the front drawer, between tissues, condoms, and lube, had been the pink cotton you'd been searching so hard to find. Lacing your fingers around the garment, you picked it up eagerly. They'd still been stained in the dried residue of Giyu's climax, as you'd been hoping. 

Pressing the cotton flush to your cheek, you'd been unable to contain your excitement as you tumbled back to lay on his bed. Heat flushed through you as you felt yourself pining over the male you'd cohabited with, a deep inhale through your nose bringing you to realise that the duvet that had laid beneath you had smelled like him. He'd slept under these covers each night, crisp sheets now crumpled under your weight, his scent radiating from them to meet with your nose. You couldn't help yourself - laying on the covers that you'd watched him spill onto, cum soaked cloth clutched between your fingers, you'd have to relieve the tension building in your stomach, now. 

You grasped at your chest as he had his own in his videos, sliding your palm under the top you'd been wearing to feel skin. Shudders ran through your lungs to press out trembling whimpers, slipping down yourself and resting fingertips at the waistband of your pyjamas, slowly tracing down to soothe the ache between your legs. When your hand reached the desired place, you'd felt just how sodden you'd been. 

There was a chance this was the wettest you'd ever felt yourself, easily able to slip not two, but three fingers into your cunt with ease, rolling up against your own hand as you gripped the fabric in the other, pressing it deeper into your cheek. Your back arched, head tilting to fall onto it's side, the scent of the male you'd shared a space with lingering in your nose. Eyes closed, you pictured his cock in place of your squelching fingers, a cry of pleasure, his name under the breaths you haphazardly took.

Perhaps the fact you'd been a mess of moans had been the reason you hadn't heard the front door open. It was possible it had just been due to the quiet nature of Giyu, but you were completely unbeknownst to the sudden presence in your home - his figure nearing close to the edge of his bedroom door as you'd been knuckle deep inside yourself, writhing up on his bed.

Giyu noticed his bedroom door had been wide open, not how he'd left it before leaving, and he felt his eyes widen as he'd grown closer, remembering what he'd hidden within the drawer of his nightstand. His pace had slowed, creeping to lean into the doorway. His eyes scanned the room, and the fear he'd felt building in his chest quickly turned into shock, seeing his roommate a heap on his own bed, hands moving beneath the cotton of her trousers. 

Eyes squeezed shut as to compliment the screwed up face you'd been pulling at your pleasure, had gripped your underwear in hand, he fixated on you. Giyu's fear had been replaced with confusion: how had you managed to come across the cumrag he'd used last night, and how upon finding it, were you not completely mortified? Instead, pleasing yourself, so deep within your own mind you'd not even noticed the shift in the room, the fact you'd had company. 

Giyu felt the blood rush to his dick as he watched you squirm under your own touch, bringing a palm to clutch at the growing member in his trousers. He was adamant on remaining at the doorway, and simply watching you, until he'd heard his name tumble from your lips. 

He couldn't help it. 

"What're you doing?" Giyu's voice filled the air that had previously held the sounds omitting from your self pleasure - he'd meant to ask the question a little more seductively but it had ended up coming out as if he hadn't been completely amazed by the show you'd unknowingly put on for him. 

You opened your eyes, hurriedly removing your hand from yourself, gasping loudly. Your jaw moved as you racked your brain for an excuse, anything to help sell a story, but as seconds passed, you'd realised there was no way out of this. You'd allowed your arousal to get the better of you. 

If you'd have been thinking straight, you'd have felt less embarrassed - it was Giyu who'd not only taken your underwear, but came on them while filming himself doing so. But in the moment, you'd felt a twang of shame, unable to move as you fought your inner thoughts to give him some sort of response. 

During your battle within your mind, Giyu had walked closer to you, towering above your sweating body that had been almost rocking from anxiety - eyes sporadically searching around the room, parted lips allowing panicked breaths to escape. He reached out, placing his fingers under your chin to bring your gaze to his. 

All worry you'd had washed away when your eyes locked with his. His blue orbs radiated one thing - lust. 

"How'd you find them?" He asked, but as you fought against his grip to shamelessly look anywhere but his face, you watched realisation hit him. His eyes widened in horror, mouth agape, as you spoke one word: "GTom."

He let go, stepping back to think of how you'd possibly found his account. He'd posted the video in question less than 24 hours ago, which would have made it was likely you'd gone on to his account multiple times after finding out about the acts he'd posted online. His brows furrowed in thought as he searched for any explanation, finally remembering the fact you'd worked on his laptop around a month ago. 

How often had you checked his account? Maybe it had just been a coincidence, maybe you'd just searched his name and it'd happened to be shortly after he'd posted the video - one he'd been debating deleting for the past few hours, as it'd felt like he'd crossed a boundary. 

"How often?" That was all that he managed to choke out, still filled with surprise from the newfound revelation he'd uncovered.  "Do you really wanna know?" You'd asked, hoping that there was a possibility he'd just drop the question and move on. But, fate hadn't been on your side as he'd nodded, lips pressing into a line as he awaited your end of the conversation.  "Uh," You swallowed. "Every day." Bringing your hand to your neck, you let out a sigh, bowing your head and closing your eyes. Accepting that you'd probably be kicked out anyway, you decided to come clean.  "When I first saw it, I couldn't get it out of my brain - it was like an intrusive thought that I needed to act on. But, then I couldn't stop, and I had to watch them every evening, nothing else was even close to your videos." 

Hearing you admit to your self indulgences should've disturbed the male, but when he'd stroked himself, watching his movements in the phone screen as he'd recorded each session, he'd dreamed of women, like you, getting off to him. The thought of you unable to contain yourself over videos of him had him bricked up in seconds, almost salivating at the thought of you reaching orgasm over him each day for the past month. He was an exhibitionist, a shy one, but he was infatuated with the idea of being watched - the fact he had been within the safety of his own home had been intensely amorous. 

You were getting ready to stand, but hadn't managed to, instead finding yourself pushed back down to the mattress. Giyu had his hands interlaced with the hem of your trousers, pulling them down with ease due to the elasticated waistband. You were exposed within a millisecond, folds glistening with the slick arousal you'd been coated in, as you'd realised your panties had still been in a ball in your fist. You gripped onto them tighter as Giyu brought your hips to the edge of his bed, unleashing his erection and stepping out from the slacks he'd been wearing. He held onto your thigh with one hand, fingers reaching to run down your slit, pushing two into you quickly. 

The feeling of fullness caused you to squirm; his fingers were much thicker than your own. You fought the urge to fall limp, pressing yourself up to lay on your forearms, immediately setting your eyes on his hard dick. 

You'd never thought you'd be able to see it in person, learning the ins and outs of how he'd looked through videos, completely unprepared to have him between your legs. Air hit you as he removed his fingers, reaching over to grab something from the drawer you'd just retrieved your underwear from. He pulled out a gold packet, bringing it to his teeth to rip open.  "No," You whined, scrunching your face up. "Wan' feel your cum." You'd complained, causing a laugh to leave his mouth, your heart skipping a beat at the smirk you'd never seen before.  "Are you on birth control?" He questioned, eyebrow raising. You nodded, biting a lip and spreading a little wider, as if to entice him into you. 

It seemed to work as he tossed the packet, lining up his thick girth to your soaked hole, pushing in. 

You wailed, back hitting the padded cushioning beneath you once more and arms coming to your sides, gripping the blanket. He was big, but you'd known that already. You had faith you could accommodate his size, though the way you'd clenched around him had felt like you were being filled to the brim, the idea being enough to let a hum escape your lips. 

You managed to let go of the duvet, bringing a finger to rub circles over your clit as Giyu worked in and out of you. You watched as his stomach had sucked in just before he'd moaned, head tilting back, but eyes renaming on his cock disappearing into you. His movements were just like in his videos, only now you hadn't had to imagine yourself as his hand, instead able to accommodate him in real life. You were the reason he was hard, and edging closer to coming undone. 

You rubbed faster as he'd found his rhythm, mouth ajar while quiet groans graced your ears.  "You look so good-" Your words had been cut short by a squeal overcoming your ability to talk, a bout of pleasure coursing over you. Giyu moaned in response, a loud whine similar to that in his solo sessions, cock twitching in your walls, rolling into you once more. Your words of encouragement were far from lost on him, for Giyu had enjoyed appraisal more than most.  "M-more." He thrusted deeper, rougher with you as he felt himself spasm, barely able to focus on your body on his bed, only able to feel your tight cunt milk him. 

"I love your videos~" You hummed as he pummeled into you, slapping echoing from impact of his balls hitting against your ass. Squirming in his grip, you felt your own high coming closer, rubbing faster over your clit. "Your cock is so perfect - ah!" Your head rolled back, eyes closing as you'd began to talk through your teeth. He gripped your spread thighs harder, a clear indication of how close he'd been. "It fills me up so good, G'yu!" His name had been another moan for you, a scream pelting from your throat, your hips pushing upward to have the backside leaving the bed. 

For a second, your hearing went. There had no longer been the sound of his body on yours, his guttural moans as he chased his orgasm, only a ringing in your ears. Your body twitched, creaming over his cock while you'd screeched so loud the neighbors would most likely be putting in a noise complaint before the end of the day. It was only upon regaining your senses a few moments later that you'd felt a new sensation - that of liquid, coating your groin, and Giyu's stomach. 

"Fuck!" You'd stuttered, but the male pounding into your pussy couldn't have cared less about your shock, tipping over the edge and allowing his own orgasm to occur. He too had felt as if his body had ascended further than earth itself as he pummeled his seed deep into your walls. If not for his eyelids squeezed tightly shut, you'd have been able to watch as his eyes crossed through his peak. The man's sounds were that of music to you, and only when he'd let out the last few sloppy thrusts and pulled himself from the grip you'd had around him, did you take a moment to breathe again. 

"Did I squirt?" You panted, in shock at his sodden core, a clear liquid reflecting over the definition he'd had over his stomach. He nodded, taking a towel from his wardrobe to wipe over himself.  "Haven't you done that before?" Giyu asked as he handed the towel over to you, torso now dry. You shook your head in bewilderment, as he'd let another chuckle leave his mouth.  "I'll have to help you do that again, then." His promise wasn't lost on you, for you'd no doubt be coming back into his room the next night to chase your release once more. 

[kendrene]

“I think you’re angry.”

Ava opens her eyes. Pushes up from where she’s lying, where Lilith left her, sprawled starfish-style on the training mats, clothes soaked through with sweat. She blinks.

“Pardon?”

“I think,” Mary’s foot taps against her side. “That you’re mad.”

“At Lilith?” Ava would wiggle away, but she’s too tired. “Nah.” As far as Ava understands it, Lilith was next in line to become Warrior Nun. After the last, the one they all talk of in hushed whispers when they think Ava’s not listening. When Mary isn’t around. Instead Lilith was passed over once and now Ava is here, and it doesn’t matter that she was a vacant body at the right time. To Lilith it doesn’t. “I’m not angry at her.” She’s had a lifetime worth of people punching down. It would be energy wasted. “I’m not mad at anybody. So.” Ava lifts a hand, makes a shooing gesture. Mary doesn’t move.

Annoying.

“Bullshit.” The toe of Mary’s boot is steel-clad, and when she digs in more roughly it actually begins to hurt. “I think you’re lying.”

“Whatever.” Mary draws her leg back, foot threatening more poking, and Ava rolls to her side. Pushes on all fours before it can connect. “Look, if you could go and do your thinking elsewhere—”

“Nope.” Ava expects more prodding, but Mary holds a hand down for her to take. Open. Beckoning. “Come on. I’ll show you something that’ll help.”

“I said I’m not mad!” Ava is starting to feel somewhat irritated. She just wants to flop back on the mats and close her eyes. Sleep, maybe. The halo burns, coal nestled in the cradle of her shoulder blades, a shower of embers down her spine. Every spot that Lilith hit during their sparring session — and she hit many — hurts. A nap sounds nice. Much better than this thing Mary insists she wants to show her. Nothing can be more important than sleep. If Ava could pick, she’d sleep for a week.

But she doesn’t have a choice, because Mary is dragging her to a corner of the training facility she’s never seen the other recruits use. There, a bag hangs from a hook, the kind Ava’s seen Sylvester Stallone work on in Rocky. She still remembers watching the movie with Diego late one night, the TV muted, fear of discovery far outpaced by the thrill of doing something that they shouldn’t. They’d devoured the whole saga over the course of a sticky hot summer, Diego shadowboxing in what little space they had, Ava coaching him from her sickbed in the corner.

“Here.” A tangle of wraps thwaps Ava in the chest, and as she catches them, instincts kicking in, she wonders what it is with these people. They’re always either hitting her, or throwing something at her.

“I don’t know how to put them on.” Mary heaves a sigh, steps in to help. It’s a few minutes of fighting, of colorful curses, and once Mary’s hands fall away Ava has no heart to tell her the cotton wound tight around her hands feels all wrong.

“Now gloves.” Mary fits the boxing gloves to her hands, ties the straps around her wrists, clicks her tongue and ties them tighter. “Okay.” She gives Ava a shove toward the heavy bag that’s probably meant to be encouraging. In her fatigued state it risks toppling her over. “You’re all set.”

Ava is tired. Ava’s exhausted, really, but Mary seems hellbent on teaching her to fight. In all fairness, she could use the help.

“Okay.” She squares off, facing the bag. One foot slightly offsetting the other, hands up in front of her face, mimicking a guard position she’s only seen in films. Elbows tucked in. “Now what?”

“Now you punch it.”

“Now I—” Ava lets her hands drop. Turns around, incredulous. “That’s it? I just punch it? Aren’t you going to give me tips about stance, or something? What if it’s all wrong?”

“How the hell should I know if it’s wrong?” Mary nods to the bag. “That’s not the point. The point is I want you to punch the bag.”

“This is stupid.” Ava attacks one of the straps with her teeth, trying to undo it. “Get these off. I’m going to go take a nap.”

“Will you punch it just once? Trust me,” Mary grabs her by an elbow, surprisingly gentle, and steers her back to the bag. “Once. I promise it’ll be worth it.”

“If I punch it once, will you leave me alone?”

“Yeah.”

“Deal.”

Ava closes her eyes. Draws in a breath, and when she opens them she’s Rocky in the ring. The last seconds of the last round against Apollo Creed. She lets fly a jab and the shock of the impact races up the length of her arm, numbing before sudden pain flares in her wrist.

“Again.” Mary says, and Ava pivots on the axis of her hip, bringing her other fist to bear. Left. Right. A strange feeling licks up from her gut, the taste of bile but more burning. Ava keeps punching.

“I think you’re angry at the hand you’ve been dealt.” Mary has moved behind her, is leaning in close to speak in her ear. “I think you’re mad that you died, that you had to leave your friend — Diego, is it? — behind.” A mean left hook has the bag swinging wildly. “And you’re angry because you’re alive, but you can’t live your life.” Mary lowers her voice, each word like salt on a wound Ava didn’t want to admit was still bleeding. “You were trying when we found you. You just wanna live, kid. Didn’t think your second chance would come with all these strings attached. Am I right?”

“Shut up.” Ava twists around, arm pulled back for a gut punch. If she weren’t crying, if she was a bit faster, if she actually knew what she’s doing, it might have a chance to connect. She has no clue. So it doesn’t. “Shut the fuck up.”

Ava throws herself forward blindly, seeking a clinch. Mary’s arms wrap around her, the fire winking out, and Ava crashes forward, face pressed to the crook of Mary’s neck.

“It’s okay.” Mary shushes, fingers splayed almost perfectly over the shape of the halo in Ava’s back. Like she’s done this before. Held another bearer just as close. “You’re okay, kid.”

“It’s not fair.” Ava wants to wrench herself away. She wants to never let go. “I didn’t want her to die.” The one she has no name for. The one who had died in the church, so that her friends could survive. So that Ava could live.

“I know.” Mary’s fingers twitch. Dig in. The halo grows hot. “Neither did I. But it is what it is, and it isn’t your fault.”

/

The gloves are old and well creased, inside padding so worn Ava’s knuckles still smart hours after she’s put them to use. Mary gave them to her. “She’d want you to have them” she’d said before leaving Ava at the door of her room.

She sits on the bed as the day outside dies, turning the right glove over and over. Follows the stitching with the tip of a finger, past the logo of a sports company that doesn’t exist anymore, to the inside of the glove’s strap where it’s attached at the wrist. To the set of initials hastily scribbled in black there, the ink mostly faded.

S

Mary had explained that, too. Who it stood for and what she had meant.

Ava clutches the glove to her chest. Curls over it, nose brushing warm leather. It smells of something sharp, something else a little woody.

She has a name now.

Her name was Shannon.

[gatheredfates]

5 CHARACTER ASSOCIATIONS ✧˖°. | Ashley

Emotions / Feelings

Excitable

Boisterous

Confusion

Contentment

Optimism

Colours

Brown

Yellow

Gold

Red

Green

Scents

Salt

Earth

Driftwood

Citrus

Vanilla

Objects

A roll of gauze, sometimes bloodstained.

A piece of fruit cut in half to share.

A well-worn surfboard drenched in sand and salt water.

A few stones of jasper in her back pocket, a relic of a distant home.

A rolled up map itching to be unravelled.

Body Language

Laughing until you cry.

The blink of confusion — the head tilt of contemplation.

Wild hands and huge gestures.

Big grins and even bigger hugs.

An assuring hand on your back.

Aesthetics

A bloody nose and split knuckles.

Tropical beaches, swimming and coral reefs.

Rock formations and the plants that grow there, despite adversity.

The first rays of light as they wash over the earth.

The thrill of adventure and promise of discovery.

Tagged by: @shroudkeeper (thank you lovely!) I feel like a lot of people have probably already done this but just in case: @ubejamjar, @thefreelanceangel ( I know you'd have someone you haven't done yet ), @thefrostflower, @riftdancing, @tsunael, @starforger & you!

If you want to be mentioned in any tag games by me, I encourage you to like my permanent interaction call!

[radioiaci]

I legit think it's honestly a result of younger individuals on this website being so wrapped up in the black and white use of label to justify a narrowed world-view. Like I'm 32 years old and it's taken me a long time to unlearn a lot of biases and judgments I had about identity, sexuality, and everything else. So in that way, I understand why they're so adamant at policing something like a fictional character who they want to remain so one-noted that they don't feel strange for being the one who wants them to be that way. But at the same time, the presence of an identity/sexuality spectrum is something that one eventually comes to terms with as they grow older and realizes that people are very often shifting, growing, changing entities that can experience such a range of emotion, understanding, and sense of self that to slap a perma-label on someone and insist that they can never be anything else seems so restrictive and nonsensical. I am an aromantic/asexual individual who has come to that conclusion over several years of self discovery and investigation. I still have some modicum of attraction to all genders and I love to explore facets of myself through fictional characters that I connect with and can play with like little fantasy dolls in ways that I would absolutely never be interested in experiencing for myself as a real life human being. It just does not thrill me. But to be able to write and craft a character - whether or not it is my original character - that can traverse those obstacles, hurdles, and exploratory notions FOR me is TONS of fun and honestly a very healthy thing to do! I'm not interested in outright bullying children for being prickly and annoying - because they ARE children, for the most part, and I want to give them an opportunity to grow the hell up LOL. But I think that there is room to understand and learn that IT'S OKAY to write about silly little characters in ways that may not necessarily make sense to their original intent - but if they make sense to YOU and you are not producing real harm in that exploration of the character - then, like. Do whatever you want, man. That's not to say that there are not topics which I think very much toe the line as to what's acceptable to share publicly on something like a public website/forum as a silly ha-ha hobby, but there is always room for nuance and critical consumption of media; even unofficial media. ANYWAY. thank you for coming to my ted talk. <3

[thedrarrylibrarian]

One of my favorite things about doing Happy Hour is facilitating guests and encouraging them to be creative with their recs. Whether you want to format with bullet points or use emojis or write a paragraph-form rec, I love seeing guests give their favorite ficswith their style. When I asked our wonderful @phdmama to join and be a Happy Hour guest, she had the wonderful idea to change it up a bit and give her re-read recs, and I think you'll be so thrilled with what she came up with. Enjoy!

When The Drarry Librarian invited me to participate in Happy Hour, I was SO excited and honored, because, well - they’re doing such wonderful lovely things in fandom, and who doesn’t adore hyping up a fic they love? But as I thought about it, I realized that so many of the fics I wanted to rec were older and well-known, but they’re the fics that came to my mind because I’ve read them so many times.

Which got me to thinking about the role of rereading in fandom, and how it works for me. Now, I know there are lots of people who never reread, and there are lots of people who maybe reread occasionally. (This is actually one of the things I adore about fandom, all the beautiful differences we bring to the table!) That’s just not how my mind works. I’ve always been a VERY COMMITTED (aka deeply obsessive) reader and as I think back over my reading life, I’ve also always been a REreader.

Reading, quite literally, has saved my life and transformed it. So I thought I’d highlight of few of those fics that have impacted me so profoundly. These fics are comfort food for my brain. These are fics I come back to, over and over and over again. They live in my soul. (For the purposes of this piece, I’ll stick to Drarry fics, but there are these special fics in every fandom I read in, and we all know, I read very widely in lots of fandoms - it’s truly an embarrassment of riches!)

Two notes: 

I would recommend pretty much anything by these authors (read the tags etc etc) &

Limiting myself to just a few was SO SO difficult and I know I’m leaving out so many of my favorite authors and fics but I wanted to ACTUALLy write this!

Foundations by saras_girl (236,075 words, rated E)

When one door closes, another one opens – with a bit of a push. Life, love and complications. [sequel to Reparations]

Now, I could probably put most of saras-girl’s fics on this list and call it a day, but this fic (the whole ‘verse honestly) hits me on so many levels. From a narrative standpoint, I absolutely adore the idea of Healer Harry, and this whole world is just so rich and fully realized. This fic hits the therapist/healer in me and it speaks to the way so many healers are, just as Draco is, so wounded and in our own journey. But even more so, this fic gave me a tool for when I was navigating my father’s dying, the tool of, “in this space, we can say whatever we want, whatever we’re thinking and feeling, without any apologizing, equivocating or shaming ourselves.” (The “we” in this case was my sister and me.) It felt like because I had read this, it gave me permission to live it, and I cannot begin to explain how necessary it was for me during that incredibly painful time. This fic hits grief and loss and how hard life can be sometimes but also it’s so beautifully healing.

One moment that gets me:

“Don’t say anything,” Harry pleads, and it’s almost a whisper. He doesn’t want to hear any 

reassuring words, were Draco inclined to begin offering them.

“What makes you think there’s anything I could say?” Draco murmurs against his ear and holds him tighter.

The Light More Beautiful by @firethesound (81,225 words, rated E)

Thirteen years after Draco accepts Potter's help escaping the horror of his sixth year, he returns to England where he makes the unfortunate discovery that Potter is still as obnoxious as ever. And worse, more than a decade overseas hasn't been enough to dim Draco's obsession with him.

I think this is one of the first Drarry fics I ever really just fell head over heels in love with. This was in my early days of navigating AO3 and I really didn’t understand it all. I read the fic, and lost track of it, and was thinking about it several months later. I ended up going through my entire history (IT TOOK A LONG TIME PALS) to find it because I just remembered loving it so much. Every time I reread it, I just fall more and more in love with it. I love that these are imperfect people, who’ve learned and grown and changed. I love the narrative voice in this - I think this fic really shaped both what I love to read (a sort of spare, dry, very funny until you get PUNCHED IN THE FEELINGS kind of voice) but also my own writing. This is the kind of voice I aspire to. 

A moment (one of many) that makes me laugh:

“Fuck off,” Draco says again, slapping his hand away. So much for Potter keeping his hands to himself.

“Come on!” Potter slides off the table, grabs him and pulls him into an awkward, shuffling sort of dance that consists mostly of hip-grinding and arse-groping and, to Draco’s horror, he starts belting out lyrics. Draco thinks he’s getting them horribly wrong until it clicks that Potter’s just making them up as he goes along. About the two of them. And well now, that’s just inappropriate.

“Stop it!” Draco says, trying to push Potter off him. It’s a struggle to keep from laughing, but he knows if he does it’ll only egg Potter on. “You’re not even singing the right words.” He doesn’t succeed in dislodging him. Merlin, Potter’s like an octopus. An octopus with a terrible singing voice and no sense of rhythm and a somewhat frightening sense of humour.

Draco finally makes him shut up by sticking his tongue in Potter’s mouth, and mercifully Potter’s more interested in snogging than in continuing his ridiculous made-up lyrics.

Balance, Imperfect by @bixgirl1 (91,000 words, rated E)

When Harry sustains an injury in the line of work, he no longer knows how to navigate the life he loved, and finds help and solace from the most unexpected source.

I was sort of wary going into this one. I have very complicated feelings about relationships between healers and their patients, and normally avoid that dynamic but this was recommended to me (I can’t even remember by whom) and I am so thankful I did try it, because it’s another one of my all-time favorites. This is another fic that really dives into the absolute complexity of disability, trauma and healing. We have real people who are amazing and flawed and beautiful and so, so real. One of the things I also love about this fic is that Harry isn’t “fixed” by magic - he heals, and he adapts but he’s profoundly changed by his experiences, and as a trauma survivor, this just resonated so so deeply for me.

A beautiful, poignant moment:

When Malfoy finally leaves him alone at the end of the night, Harry exhales for the first time in what feels like hours. His body feels tight and confusing; he wants to rage and throw things at the other man, wants to refuse his aid.

But there was a moment when Malfoy seemed so assured, so fucking confident that he could help, that Harry had been dazed with the force of his own longing, but couldn’t bring himself to ask if that help would be able to make him whole again.

He didn’t think he could stand hearing the word no.

Aurora by @wolfpants (5,230 words, rated M)

Eighth Year at a half-built Hogwarts, and Harry is not following Draco Malfoy anymore. At least, that's what he's telling himself.

This fic just breaks my heart in the most beautiful way (which wolfie knows cuz I just screech about it periodically). I love so many of the different iterations of post-war Harry but this is absolutely one of my favorites. He’s lost and struggling to find a way, and I love that journey for him. Wolfie’s such a wonderful writer, and this whole fic is just so delicate and beautiful. 

A moment that makes me cry EVERY SINGLE TIME (this writing OMG):

And that was how the two of them found themselves in an intense and hushed conversation out on the fields, the same fields Harry watched Charlie and Nicu kiss, where Ginny demanded too much of him and Harry cracked under her questions, questions, questions.

They came back to the house together, sticky-cheeked and red-eyed, and a week later, it all became clearer to Harry when Ron asked him about it on one of their forest walks. It became clearer when Harry had planted a misdirected kiss of his own to his friend’s lips, and Ron had let him, and had, for a while, allowed it to continue, until he slid his fingers gently over the nape of Harry’s neck and pressed their foreheads together and let Harry cry instead, and he told him, "it’s alright, it’s alright mate, no one’s going to hate you for this, it’s alright, we all love you, you just have to talk to us, you just have to know that we’re here for you, yeah? No matter who you are, alright? It’s alright. We just want you to be happy. It’s all we want."

Believe me when I say, there are SO SO many fics from so many brilliant writers that I wanted to include, it was incredibly hard to narrow down. I feel like I say this over and over again, but I’m so so grateful to all of you for sharing your gifts with fandom in all the ways you do. They’ve transformed my life in deep, profound, and permanent ways. Thank you.

And a huge thank you to thedrarrylibrarian for letting me share these thoughts and fics with you!!! 

   - xox phdmama

Thank you so much @phdmama for the amazing recs! It was a delight to have you join us!

[prettymeredith]

Meredith's Personal Top 5 All Time Kinky Fantasies

*The following 5 items are fantasies of mine that I think about all the time. They frequently pop into my head, with persons, settings, and other details changing but the general concept remaining the same.

*Keep in mind that these are all fantasies I have yet to do IRL, and would like to do them someday in my personal life. Note, fantasies that I have had the privilege of doing already do not qualify for this list.

5. Getting Locked in a Dog Cage

To me, there is just something so hot about being tied up and locked in a cage like I'm being put away like some kind of object. There is something poetic about having both rope and steel to keep me in place because in truth only one is needed. Its overkill, but I like it.

I want the open room I'm in to become distant looking beyond the bars in my now small footprint. I want to be ignored and walked passed while my superior gets ready, then proceeds to leave the house for a couple of hours; leaving me with just my thoughts.

Alternatively the cage can become sort of a display case for me, where I become like a piece art to be looked at or to be mocked and photographed like some kind of exotic zoo animal.

I do also like the idea of personalized cages, with blankets, stuffiess, and string lights but not as much as the other two examples. Though a cute sign/name plate centered on it would be adorable.

4. Being Tied to a Tree

Ok, so being a damsel in distress thats tied to a tree may be one of the biggest bindage clichés there is out there, but I adore this one. Much like the previous fantasy, I'd love to find myself bound and gaged to a tree and left all alone for a couple of hours. The light threat of discovery of being outdoors just adds that extra thrill.

I want to experience that feeling of my hands being stuck around a trunk while watching my captor walk away with only the sounds of the woods around me. I wonder what I'd think about after being their for an hour, two hours... then what kind of reaction will I have when they come back. What kind of things will I have do in order to be untied... Fun possibilities.

This has to be one of my first fantasies ever. Since I was young I was attracted to the idea of being tied to a tree, before I even knew why yet. I have even practiced some self bondage where I cuffed myself to a tree on seperate occasions but that is a tale for another day or post.

3. Foot Worship on a Park Bench

Ever since I've gotten into female feet in addition to male feet, photo sets and videos of feet and foot worship on a park bench seem like they are everywhere. Again, that outdoor threat of exposure thrill comes into play. Plus it could be fun just to see how many places to do it at before we're ever caught or soon.

I like the symbolism of the person taking up the entire bench while I'm kneeling on the ground. Their feet at the edge of the seat casually keeping an eye out for a jogger or dog walker while I get busy worshipping.

This dynamic is also fun to me with the roles switched, but I think it would be more fun to watch us get caught in this instance and see people's reactions to me having my feet licked. I feel like I'd be petrified while the other person couldn't care less about being watched.

2. Being a Maid Service Sub

Ever hear that question "What would you make me do if I were your slave for a week?" Once you get past all of the sexual and kink stuff, at some point, everyone would give out some form of housework either in one form or another. The focus here is the core of this fantasy for me.

I've always loved the idea of being a service sub. It's so sneakily achievable by acting helping and asking others if there are things you can do for them. Personally I love being a people pleaser on both a social and sexual level, and being told what to do and how to do it is a true turn on for me.

Factor in a maid uniform and it just completes the picture. I out myself clearly as "the help" in addition to becoming a piece of eye candy. Yes I want you to look up my dress as I bend over to clean something, I wonder what the neighbors will think as they catch a glimpse of me moving the trash cans, or what the delivery driver will react when I answer the door.

Mix in kinky tasks in addition to house chores and the fantasy comes full circle for me. It's just another format of being dominated by others. Maybe it begins innocently with me coming over a couple of times a week to help out, and it flourishes from there; I want to see what happens.

1. Tickle Toy for a Couple

To anyone familiar with me or my blog this should really be no surprise. To be a personal tickle toy to a cute couple sounds like more fun than I know how to handle. I love the dynamic of being shared between a man and a woman, and used as an outlet for their emotions as well as a key factor in their foreplay.

As their personal tickle toy, I want to be forced to take on more responsibility. Put me on call to come over whenever they want. Keep me in suspense on what kind of play is going to happen. Am I going to have an orgasm, or be edged and denied repeatedly, or be given orgasm overload? Keep me on my toes.

Generally I'd love this to happen with a guy I already have a crush on but whose already taken, almost like a Cuckqueaning situation. Giving me glimpses of what I could have had but forever tainted and tied with his significant other as well. I want to be jealous of her, yet turned on by her; ravaged by internal conflict. Love that I hate it, hate that I love it.

Not to mention, this could be a gateway to also do every other previously listed fantasy with them as their submissive. However, the tickle play would be what I would crave the most. My body craves the kind of ticklish and verbal abuse that a couple can provide as the coo and use me like a pet.

[teyamsatan]

ᴋɪɴᴋᴛᴏʙᴇʀ ᴅᴀʏ ɪ - ʜᴀɴᴅᴊᴏʙ

pairing: Neteyam x avatar!reader

a/n: hi and welcome to kinktober x if this first work seems familiar, that's bc it is lol. i have been so so busy and so i have decided that for prompts that fit some of my previous work, i'd give myself a little grace and use those instead. now, i think this works great because there's a lot of new besties here, so this way people get to read some of my earlier work and (hopefully) enjoy it for the first time!! i can't wait to go on this journey with you 🎃🧡 smooches x

words: 1,3k

warnings: it goes without saying, but all of these works (kinktober-related) are smut and therefore minors should NOT interact with them. other warnings include: oral - male receiving, inexperienced Neteyam.

taglist (x)

Being a human had its perks, and being an avatar, well, that goes without saying. One of the perks, turns out, was the wealth of information available to you at the touch of the button. Say what you want about the Sky People, but they were informed in things you could barely even conceive, and well, you've always loved to learn. You spent your whole life learning everything you could get your hands on, from more useful things, like how to patch a wound or how to treat an infection to... less useful things for day to day endeavours, but definitely intriguing to you.

There was a lot in Hell's Gate that the Na'vi and the scientists that were granted leave to stay were unaware of, and you were glad. Your research led you to unearth some... unsightly discoveries, that you were more than happy to have to put to good use right now, after a relaxing swim in the nearby lake, with your best friend that... has some questions. Well, you were nothing if not a good friend, and a dutiful teacher.

His eyes were wide as you smile and push him until he falls to the ground with a small thud. It was quiet in the forest, only the small chirps and trills of the animals living peacefully could be heard over the sounds of both your laboured breaths. He was anxious, you noted, based on his fluttering ears and his erratic tail wags.

"Are you nervous, Tay?" you couldn't help the teasing tone of your voice, as you traced your fingers down his body, from his collarbone, to his chest, down his defined abs, until you hooked your fingers in the band of his loincloth, tugging at it gently.

"Let me make you feel good, Tay. Let me show you what it feels like to be human for a little while."

With that, you untied his tewng and let it fall to the floor, and you gasped a little at his size. He was bigger than you expected, and the sight aroused you beyond belief, beyond words and comprehension, because if before this was just supposed to be a learning experience, now you knew that while he would get his, you would definitely get yours, too.

Almost inquisitively, with a tinge of wonder and awe, you run your fingers over the patterned stars of his length, from the base to the cotton candy pink tip, marvelling at his beauty and how nothing you've ever seen before in movies or magazines could ever compare to it. You tighten your grip and smirk when a sudden inhale broke through the silence and you raise your gaze to meet his eyes, that were tightly shut as his head was pushed back, and you knew then you wanted to see this face, see how he reacts to you, to your lessons, every day of your life.

"...f-fuck!"

You slowly start pumping him, taking your time, analysing each contraction of his facial muscles, thrilled at how he's falling apart around you and you haven't even properly started yet. When the tip becomes covered in pre-cum, you can't resist the need anymore, and you slowly inch your lips towards it, a little startled when Neteyam gets up suddenly, concern deeply embedded in his features.

"W-what are you doing?"

A hand still pumping him, you placed the other on his chest, pushing him back, willing him back in the same position he was in before.

"Shh, relax, tay. you wanted to learn, right?"

With that, you placed a small, gentle kiss on the tip, licking every drop of pre-cum, and you were shocked at how sweet it was, how you wouldn't mind having it coat your tongue, and your mouth, and your throat, until it was all you could taste. You shuffled uncomfortably at the ache that took over you, and how good you knew his cock would feel filling you, how just the stretch itself would bring you to the brink of orgasm. Maybe next lesson.

You couldn't help taking more of him in, your tongue pushed flat against his length as it went further down your throat until you gagged slightly around it. The groan that escaped Neteyam, low and uninhibited, emboldened you as you started a steady bob of your head up and down his length, one hand continuing to pump what you couldn't reach otherwise, while the other rubbed circles into his thigh, hoping this way he wouldn't overthink this and just relax. After all, what were friends for if not to help each other... learn and unwind?

His hand finds your hair and you purr against his cock when he starts petting you, the little gesture enough to make you excited for when he'd be experienced enough to take charge, the way you knew he had it in him.

"You feel so good. S-so good, fuck."

His hips buck against you and you moan as he slips further down your throat, as he starts thrusting in your mouth, and you let him, impressed about how quickly he seems to catch on and turned on about how his first instinct was to immediately take control. This would be easier than you thought.

"I'm gonna, i'm cu-"

Ropes of cum shoot down your throat as his cock throbs in your mouth, and the noises he makes, carnal and primal, make you slowly start grinding against the ground to find some of your own release. You make sure to suck him dry as he pulls out with a small pop, and you smirk as you lick your lips, watching him trying to catch his breath, watching him panting and slowly regaining him composure.

"Enjoy yourself, friend?"

"So... when's the next lesson?"

taglist: @pandoraslxna @sulieykte @blue-slxt @eywaeveng @neteyamsikran @elenamoncada-ibarra @spicymayyo @itsjazzsworld @daddysmurfslefttoenail @eyrina-avatar @iameatingmyhair @

[treedaddymcpuffpuff]

Flying/Dream to Believe (2 parter - part 2) (TW: mention of gore/fighting/rage/bullying)(mostly sfw)

@gea-chan96

Part two.

If there’s one place I absolutely hate with a passion, it’s the cafeteria. 

I’d rather be in gym class than here, sitting alone and pushing my soggy noodles around a styrofoam plate. Surrounded by loud, rowdy peers that sometimes feel the need to make fun of me. Something about food and chubby people just don’t mix, apparently, so I get a lot of “is that your fifth tray?” Or “slow down, Hoss.”

Understandably, after I rearranged Nate’s face, there has been less and less of that. Now I just get ignored a lot. Which is better, but still not great. 

Today, however, it’s different. Tommy and Leo plop down at my table like they’ve been sitting there the whole semester. 

“What are you doing?” I ask them, and I can’t help my dry, uninterested, downright bitchy tone. 

Tommy gives me this kicked puppy pout, which makes me feel really bad about my attitude problem that lingers from this morning when my family told me if I didn’t join gymnastics then I was taking a job at Uncle Vic’s antique store. 

I hate dolls, especially old porcelain ones. It would be a bad experience. 

Speaking of porcelain dolls, Stacy and Leah also take a seat at my table, which scares the shit out of me. Sure, I can punch a buff football guy in his mouth, but these two tiny gymnasts make me want to melt into the floor. 

Leah saddles up to Leo, rubbing his shoulder and being flirty. Stacy does the same thing to Tommy. I hope I’m hiding the disgusting scowl on my face at this display, but I highly doubt that I am.

“Hey, y/n,” Leah says, playing with Leo’s hair, “I heard you’re joining the gymnastics team?” 

Both of them give this melodic, chiming, grating laugh. Tinkerbell bitches. But, I realize something in that moment. I’m not afraid of Stacy and Leah; I’m afraid of what Stacy and Leah will make me angry enough to do to them. 

“My mom is making me,” I say. 

“No offense, but aren’t you a little large to do the stuff we do?” Stacy asks, placing a hand on Tommy’s shoulder. 

I look at him, expecting his face to be red and blushing, drooling like an idiot over Stacy - smitten and dumb, but Tommy, instead, is staring at me apologetically, like he feels bad?

I would have preferred the smitten look. Anger spikes my brain. I don’t need pity, I need revenge. “The stuff you do?” I don’t even recognize my own voice. It sounds more like something off Discovery Channel predator week. “You mean prance around putting everyone else down because you hate yourself and not even being that good at gymnastics in the first place? That the stuff you’re talking about, Stacy?” 

Her face puffs up like a blowfish, and I feel myself smiling - this sinister, numb curl of my lips that just happens on its own while she turns purple and furious. 

Aw, someone’s mad. 

“Listen, you fat bitch - “

“No. You listen, Leah.” I look back at Tommy, whose usually soft face is pulled into something kind of…. scary. “Y/n is actually pretty cool, and you’d know that if you stopped being a spoiled, bitchy princess for a few seconds of your miserable existence and just talked to her.”

For a second, the collective table just looks at him while he goes knives out and directs it all at Leah. She shrinks under his gaze. Stacy’s hand drops off his shoulder and she scoots away. Even I’m kind of.. what’s the word? Not scared, exactly. Thrilled? Yeah, I think that’s it. 

The chocolate lab is actually a rottweiler? What a turn of events. 

Leo is also looking at Tommy like he’s seeing him for the first time. 

Leah goes from scared to scowling. “I’d watch your mouth Tommy, or Mark will kick your ass.” 

“Go get him,” Tommy nods, “let’s see.” 

“Tommy,” I say his name, hoping to diffuse this. 

He turns to me, and I expect him to keep the scowl, but he trades it for a kind smile. “It’s cool, y/n, let me handle these jealous bitches.” The last word ends on a curled horn point as he flips around to pin Leah with his psycho glare again. 

“There a problem here, Tommy?” Right on cue, Mark steps up to our table like some kind of bouncer at club high school cafeteria. Jesus, not Prince Charming here, too. 

“I think you should teach him a lesson, Mark,” Stacy says, grabbing Mark’s hand and standing beside him like she’s the First Lady and we are mere peons.

I can’t help it that my eyes are rolling. 

“Yeah, there’s actually two problems,” Tommy tells Mark, also standing up to face him. And if I was mark, and mark was smart, personally I’d be a bit intimidated. Tommy’s got some height and bulk on him. 

However, Mark is failing four subjects for a reason - he puffs out his chest, and stands toe to toe with Tommy. 

Ugh, boys.

“Hey, you two.” Mr. Alan is walking towards our table, yelling and drawing the attention of the few people in the crowd we haven’t interested yet. 

And I was actually starting to like being ignored. 

“I suggest you boys agree to disagree before you both land yourselves in detention.”

Neither one of them even look at the teacher - they’re too busy staring one another down. 

Mr. Alan places a warning hand on Tommy’s shoulder. “Warneki, you hear me?” 

The little standoff breaks up, but something in the way that they maintain eye contact even after Mark sits down across the cafeteria tells me it isn’t over. 

“Hey,” I tell Tommy, “I don’t need your help, you know that?” 

Tommy shrugs, looking at his milk carton instead of me. “Too bad.”

I start to open my mouth to say something to him, but he’s already up out of his seat and slamming through the cafeteria doors. 

Leo sighs. “What crawled up his ass?” 

I don’t see Tommy for the rest of the day, and it’s making me feel like a total shitbag. What kind of ungrateful person says that to someone after they just defended them? 

Sure, to me it may have seemed like he was doing it out of pity, or to keep up appearances, but Tommy probably really did just want to defend his new friend. 

And now he’s going to hate me. Awesome. This just proves the fact that I’m hard to get along with. The report cards and my dad are right. 

Without Tommy, Leo and I don’t really have common ground, so we part ways awkwardly and don’t talk for the rest of the day. I’m isolated again because I can’t keep my fat mouth shut. Fantastic. 

It’s a cool autumn day on my walk home from school, and I have my hands shoved in my pockets to keep them warm. I try to stop thinking about the friendships I could’ve had, but maybe my loner facade has finally come to an end, because I am pretty upset. There’s this heavy feeling in my ribs that makes me understand the term ‘heartache’ more than I’d like to. 

I hear yelling from somewhere down the block. Sounds like a group of my classmates are antagonizing a fight. It makes sense - the shouts are coming from the old sugar plant, and that’s where people go for scheduled brawls. I punched Nate on the bus, because I don’t need plans, only my fists and rage. 

I’m surprised no one has called the cops on these idiots yet. Has to be a big fight by the sounds of it, and the surrounding neighborhood is a village for older folks, so the cops usually do break it up sooner rather than later. 

Tommy’s dad - one of the guys on the police force - got his arm broken last year when a kid tried to smash another kids head in and his foot accidentally landed on Mr. Warneki’s arm instead. I remember it was the only thing everyone could talk about at school the next day. 

Tommy. I sigh, kick a rock, hoping it will bring me some sense of peace like it does in the movies, but I just feel bad still. Wait. Tommy. Mark. The fight. 

I look down the street leading to the old building, trying to catch some of the words that the yelling voices are saying. Shit. Is Tommy fighting Mark? 

I book it as fast as I can, which isn’t very fast at all.

By the time I make it to the crowd, I have to shoulder through to the middle, where Tommy is sitting on top of Mark and hitting him in the face - that’s a lot of blood. I’m not thinking about anything but this idiot going to jail when I tackle him off of the smaller guy. 

He grabs me, too, and I fall on top of him, probably breaking his ribs and maybe his pointy pelvis while I’m at it. 

But he doesn’t seem broken. He looks up at me, sweaty and red faced and mad - at first. Then, his face gets calmer, and he smiles. “Oh, hey, y/n.” 

I don’t know what to say to him, so I roll off his body and land ass on ground, rubble digging through my jeans. 

He sits up, still smiling pleasantly at me as if I’m not a huge asshole. 

“I’m sorry.” I don’t know what else I can say.

“It’s fine,” Tommy says, waving me off. “I got it.” 

Mark is still lying on the ground, and I would think that he’s dead if it wasn’t for the low groans of pain rolling from his swollen lips. 

“Your dad’s gonna kill you, Tommy,” I tell him, looking away from the bloody scene. 

I’m wrong, his dad does worse. He takes him, in handcuffs, down to the station where the rest of the group are gathered for questioning. Apparently Mark is not here because an ambulance took him away. 

“He was crying like a bitch,” Amber says, making me cringe. Stacy and Leah are on the opposite side of the room, surprisingly not glaring or scowling at me. Not even looking my way at all. Strange. 

When Tommy walks in with his hands cuffed behind his back, his dad leading him through the crowd, he looks at me and gives me a big, toothy grin. 

I should think he’s a total idiot. I should be mad that he decided to play knight. I should be annoyed that he’s acting like he’s top dog. And I am all those things, but I’m also…. I’m flattered. I feel liked. I understand why he’s the usual hot topic of the girls in the locker room. I get why the popular crowd doesn’t pick on him. He’s actually a pretty good guy.

Man, I really hope he doesn’t go to Juvie or prison or something - that would suck for my conscience. 

It takes almost all evening for the cops to talk to each one of us. I decide to tell them about Mark and Tommy in the lunch room, hoping that will help the big idiot’s case a little bit. 

After I’m released, the sun is down and the heavy wind scatters colorful leaves across my shoes. 

“Hey, y/n.” I turn around to see Tommy sitting on a sidewalk bench. 

Oh, well, at least he’s free to go. I walk up and sit beside him. “You know,” I say, “you’re alright, Tommy.”

He giggles. “Well thanks. Same to you.” 

“How’d it feel to hit him?” I ask, kinda wishing it was me that got to do it.

“Felt like I understood why you liked punching Nate.” 

He makes me laugh. “Yeah. I am sorry, though. Are we still….. friends?” I keep telling myself that if he chooses to say no, I’ll be okay with it, but I feel my heart tearing at its seams already in anticipation of that. 

He looks confused. “What? Yeah, of course.”

I try to not smile so big at him. I really do. But, I’m actually delighted. “Oh, cool.”

His grin is worrying. I only have a second to wonder what the cheeky look is for until he’s pulling me under his arm and messing up my hair. “Aw, you thought you could get rid of me?” 

I roll my eyes, keep the smile that’s just getting bigger despite his gentle bullying, and grumble, “can you be anymore annoying?” 

“Absolutely.” 

[rawliverandgoronspice]

To ALSO add to the last reblog: I think I finally pinpointed what bugs me so much about TotK from a gameplay perspective (and that extends to BotW to an extent, tho not as much but still). Zelda used to be about exploration, combat and puzzle. The world was your oyster for discovering new mysteries, you were put into situations that required you to devise which tool to use and how to understand a space and its possibilities better, and you would fight on your way there also. But to me, we clearly were in a puzzle-first environment, where enemies came to try and halt your journey, while not being endgoals in themselves.

I think there was a drastic shift to combat-first gameplay since 2017 that I don't think we really acknowledged as a fanbase. Sure, there *are* puzzles still, but they are mostly relegated to shrines and dungeons. In the overworld, your challenges are traversal (and sometimes that warrants a puzzle and it's *great* when it happens) and combat-based (oh no, I want to go from point A to point B but there's a Hinox on the way!). But... Okay. Basically, in old Zelda games, every location was an intricate bundle of puzzles. To throw just an example among many, many others: Clock Town, in MM's, is a complex bundle of puzzles and opportunities and discoveries to make, taking on more and more depth as you acquire more tools and understand the intricate logic that animates it. The town itself is a toy that generally requires little to no combat. You have to understand what you can play with, and use observation, abilities and time to unwrap the entire thing. Geometry is here to ground you and give you a sense of realism --but more importantly, it's here to challenge your spatial understanding and give you little mysteries to return to later and expand upon.

Clock Town is obviously a pretty unique example, but... I don't know, I could have used Goron City, or Castle Town from Minish Cap, or a bunch of places from TP... My point is: places always had this intricate mixture of fun, moody set-dressing and puzzle-based intrigue. It's one of my favorite things about old school Zelda... and it's much, much rarer in these new iterations. Not saying it's not here, but it's not the focus anymore. The gameplay loop doesn't ask you to unravel the world in the same way. You want upgrades? You gotta kill a mini boss about it. You want more heart pieces? You gotta do shrines, which are utterly separated from the overworld (and sometimes combat-based too!). NPCs are no longer these keys in larger puzzles, but are basically used the way Skyrim would use them (no shade on Skyrim, love these kind of games --though getting tired tbh-- but they are not the same beast).

Now the game loop is much more about: how do I get from point A to point B, and how to I get rid of obstacle X on my way? Now I have gotten rid of obstacle X and I have better loot and better skill to help me get rid of larger obstacles --and getting rid of them is actively encouraged, and it's a huge part of what makes the game fun. It's not a bad game loop by any mean! But it is a drastic change from the old formula. And to me... there is, especially in TotK due to More Things I Already Talked About, a real loss of whismy and smallness and mystery inherent to that change.

I think this is why I lost interest in the Depths so fast. The Depths are about movement and combat... and basically nothing else. People who are into that kind of approach will be thrilled, but I got bored pretty fast because, beyond feeling empty, the Depths felt thoughtless to me.

Yes, of course, open worlds make it much harder to focus on intricate world design the way the old games used to conceive themselves. But... Yeah, we still begin to stray away from what once was a core pillar of the series, and one that was, by definition, much less violent.

[thunderjawsandlightning]

Having thoughts about the Gauntlet Racing squad and I just. I love them so much. They are a reflection and an embodiment of different aspects that are present in both Aloy and Nil. They are so important to Aloy's journey of self discovery and finding her own community of people that she can just be herself with. They are so healing to Nil and his struggles with his own (presumed) military-childhood past, and especially so with his desire and search for close bonds with people he can and will trust.

They are community and camaraderie that both Nil and Aloy have been missing in their search for who they are beyond a legacy they didn't ask for. Names and status and deeds don't mean anything on the track, it's just you, your mount, and your weapons.

They are an example of freedom and wanderlust, free to go wherever they please and always searching for something new. Not being bound to one place because you've already seen so much of the world, it's hard to think that you would settle in just one place when there's so much more of the world to be seen and to experience.

They see past tribe and clan differences for the more raw, primal instinct and exhilarating joy of a good challenge and feeling alive, of truly being in the moment. Not caught up in the macro politics of tribal traditions and rituals, of laws and rules that are put in place by those with power that affect so many more without. The racers live for the moment, live IN the moment, and embody so wholeheartedly of being of the world.

Nil seeing Aloy interact with the kids, and the kids claiming her as "one of them" as she participates in more and more races. Of seeing the hardened mask of the Hunt drop away for the thrill and elation of crossing the finish line first. Of wanting more of that freedom for her, of making the Offer to her to join them, even though he knows that she won't stray from her path until she sees it through because he would have done (and did) the same.

Aloy seeing the not-really begruding-turned-respectful admiration that the kids have for Nil. Of seeing him have a weight lifted from his shoulders, to step out (even just a little bit) from the shadow of the Red Raids and the actions that bloodied his hands and his soul. And him doing so by going back to a tribe that was once the Carja's fiercest opponent, and lands that were the site for the inception and birth of his macabre and much-whispered reputation. And now, he's no longer doing penance by roundabout means of socially acceptable justice (bandit hunting), but in a healing, tactile way that his C-PTSD can process and transform into productive, healthy action and habits (racing).

And all of that could only be facilitated by this stray band of kids, racing in the desert: quote: "...the glint of steel at high speed and metal haunches splashed with blood...", and Nil and Aloy each seeing them upon crossing the threshold of the landscape in their own time, and each of them being equally intrigued.

[biggaybunny]

Several years ago I came across on my dashboard a little comic that left in me such a deep and intense sense of horror that it's haunted me ever since, though that is partially because of how my brain regularly revisits bad memories against my will for the express purpose of torturing me. Anyway, the point of this preamble is to serve as a content warning for existential horror, I guess.

The comic was simple, and pretty well burned in to my memory, so let me describe it for you first; a time traveler (a young woman) pops into frame and declares their excitement to explore the future. They are immediately greeted by a small feline robot that offers them a key to "their room", and a pill that will make them feel every kind of happiness at once. The time traveler refuses the offer, saying that they don't want simple happiness, and get their thrills from the sense of adventure. The robot explains that yes, no worry, that thrill is one of the things she'll feel once she's taken that pill. The time traveler agrees to try it for "just a minute". The comic cuts to the time traveler sitting on a chair in a small, completely barren room, with an IV hooked up to her. She is drooling and her eyes completely unfocused. We zoom out to see her room is just a small box next to many, each with a similar occupant, and we see rows and rows and rows of such boxes, implying this to be the fate of humanity. The comic ends there.

Just retelling this comic makes me want to puke, so distressing it is to me. I was also distressed by the person reblogging it who in the tags talked about how they felt this was a good fate for humanity; I blocked the post (I have thankfully never seen it again, despite blocking it multiple versions of xkit ago) and unfollowed the person who put it on my dash, and have never spoken to them again.

It's hard to explain exactly why I find this scenario so terrifying. It truly does shake me to my core. It's horrifying because it is a kind of living death, I suppose. A prison that cannot be escaped from. The mind is gone, or effectively gone, while the body remains. And there feels like there would be no saving someone from such a fate. What would happen to a person who experienced such a pure bliss, if you tried to cut them off from it? Do you think they'd find a return to existence anything less than traumatizing? That their minds would even be able to start working again, after what had happened? I don't see how. That's what makes it such a horrifying fate, to me. Once encountered, the person is lost, even as their body continues to function.

I also hate it because I've found it hard to refute as a potential fate for humanity. It gets kind of philosophically thorny. Our brains are just chemical machines; what is the difference between a sensation of pleasure earned versus one that's been chemically induced? What difference does it make if it's "real"? What does "real" mean? Is the person who climbs a mountain in a videogame not entitled to a sense of accomplishment the same as a person who really climbs a mountain? What about a mountain in vr? How far do we have to abstract away from the truth -- that every experience results in the production of a chemical cocktail by one part of our body to be processed by another part of our body -- for a sensation to "mean" something? Isn't pleasure something we all pursue, in some form, anyway? Isn't the goal of every moral framework out there to find a way so all involved can live happily? Why is it okay to imperfectly pursue pleasure of some kind -- satisfaction, ecstasy, triumph, whatever -- but not okay to pursue it optimally? If neither is okay, what are we all living for?

I refuse to accept this, because there's no room for both a world where this ultimate pleasure pill exists and a world where humanity continues. You can't say "this can exist and some people wouldn't take it". It renders all pursuits of humanity pointless. The thrill of discovery? That's just chemicals. The joy of companionship? Chemicals. All things we feel are just chemicals; we are just chemicals. This thought has never scared me before, but that's perhaps because on some level, I always took it for granted that consciousness was somehow... special. Something more important, something you can't just... bypass. But I know that that's not true.

Maybe consciousness is still the answer. Maybe our consciousness is what makes us human, and needs to be protected. I feel unsure if I've explained why I'm so sure that the scenario described in that comic would obliterate consciousness; it feels self-evident to me that the individual must be destroyed in such a scenario, because they are unable to take any action including thinking, because they have been robbed of all reason to act or think, or in other words, the very ability to think.

I do not rely on instinctive reactions to guide my moral philosophy, so my revulsion alone is not a reason to condemn it. Perhaps, however, in this case my revulsion is justified, for the destruction of the mind is truly immoral thing. It does not perfectly answer why the destruction of the mind is a horrible thing, because, again, we are not special. We are an accident of atoms in a mechanical universe, or at least so I believe (unfortunately). I suppose, when you get to the heart of the issue, I'm simply asking what is the point of it all? If it doesn't have a point, doesn't that make all the struggle pointless too? Doesn't it mean we may as well strap ourselves in and have super-heroin drip-fed into our brains for our entire lives? And if so, why do I find that so terrifying? Is my terror just an accident of my evolution-designed brain, that contains in it the same desires to preserve and proliferate my kind as the slime mold?

This is the part where I'm supposed to come up with an answer. Something that irrefutably denies the idea that some kind of super-pleasure-cocktail could replace the enormity of life. But I don't know. In order to deny it, we have to decide on a meaning to our lives that categorically excludes it as a valid option. And there's no such universally agreed upon meaning to life. But maybe that's the answer, itself. We contain within ourselves the ability to decide for ourselves what it all means. We have free will; even if the universe turns out to be perfectly deterministic on the scale we're on, we won't ever know our decisions until we make them. It is this free will that the scenario I've gone on about destroys, because as I've said, there is no way for this to exist alongside other choices to live. Maybe you don't believe that. Or maybe you're one of the sorry kinds that think we should all be living in tiny boxes, our brains turned into nothing but organic chemical processing machines that take in chemicals and produce other chemicals. If that's the case, I think I hate you. But that's the best I can do to stop being haunted by a stupid comic I saw five or six years ago now. That's really all this is about.

Sorry for subjecting you all to this, it's really just for my own sake. I just needed to write my thoughts down. I've tried writing this post a couple times over the years, and always scrapped it. It just upsets me that much. I'm a neurotic little freak and I wish I wasn't being constantly tortured by my own mind. Maybe you got something out of this, maybe I disturbed you, in which case I'm sorry. Hopefully you can find a better way to cope than I did.

Maybe in the future I'll post the other thoughts that my brain uses to torture me, like the short story I read about that taught me what autocannibalism is, or the time in the 4th grade I touched a girl's thigh by accident. It's not much fun being me, most the time. Anyway, I'll stop procrastinating and post this. Sorry again.