#I want to do the whole song but I can’t even bring myself to clean up this one clip

[etandthekeet]

Kind of stupid

[dracoflaco]

Waiting for you // Chris Sturniolo

Chris Sturniolo x fem!reader

contains: fluff, stressed out reader, use of y/n, flashbacks (in italics), 1.2k words

a/n: its been so long since I write so if it looks cranky, don’t blame me. Idk honestly 🤷🏻‍♀️ (no summary cuz I'm lazy lol)

I reach for the box under my bed, it has been covered in dust meaning it has been down there since forever. Bumping my head in the process of taking the box, I let out a wince, “ouch, this damn bed. I’m throwing you away one day I swear,” I muttered, rolling my eyes. I wipe the dust away to see the hidden words under those dust. ‘Love’ was written on the lid of the box, “I don’t remember having this before” furrowing my eyebrows, trying to remember anything. 

The song from my playlist continues to play, starting a sad tune. I turn to where I place my phone, confused as to why there’s some kind of sad song and to be precise Taylor Swift? I shrug it away and stares at the box in front of me, I’ve been cleaning my room since this afternoon and without noticing the time, the sun has started to set. Plopping on my bed, I take the lid off. My smiles starts disappearing just how he did…

~

I laugh at him when he starts cracking some jokes out of nowhere. We’ve been walking for 30 minutes after our date night. Both us close to each other, my purse in his hand. “Also Nick face was literally covered in it, we had to make a TikTok,” Chris laughed, swinging my hand with his softly.

~

“Happy Birthday my pretty girl. I’m sorry I had to! It was the plan, baby,” he winked, handing me the flower lego to me “my love will last just how this flower last” I laughed at his cheesy pickup lines, rolling my eyes playfully “I really thought you forgot about it, Chris. You better don’t do this again” I squint my eyes at him. “We’ll see princess, we’ll see.” He said, shrugging his shoulder making the ‘who knows’ face. I slap his arm playfully, he eventually starts laughing and bringing me closer into his arms, “I love you, y/n. Even the world can’t describe it” 

~

“This is so good, baby. Cook more often please please please” he begged, chewing the food I made for him. Chris stands up from his seat and walks towards me “Thank you, baby” He hugs me from behind and lift me off from the floor to twirl me. I laugh lightly “Chrisss, put me down” I whine playfully and he set me back on the floor, giving my face all the kiss it needed.

~

A solemn tear fell down my cheek, snapping me out of it. I blink my eyes a few times to stop it but the tears keep flowing down my face like a river escaping a dam. I try wiping it away as the door of my room creaks open, someone just came into my room. Luckily my back was facing the door, giving me times to prepare myself and turns around once I think I’m presentable enough. Nick stood there at my door frame, concerns could be seen on his face, “Nick? Hey, what are you doing here? Should’ve tell me before barging into my room,” I chuckled, eyes avoiding his

“You’ve been crying.” Nick stated, heading towards where I’m seated. One look of the things in my hands, he knew it straightaway. “Missing him? Everyday I passed his room, I could hear him sobbing his heart out. He still loves you, you know? Let him in again?” He suggests, rubbing my shoulder softly. Bringing me closer to his side, laying my head on his shoulder. I stare at the necklace which happened to be in the box, being on the top of the other.

“How? How, Nick? He was the one who ended it, I got no time to stop him from doing so!” I cry out, burying my face in his shoulder. My whole body is shaking from the amount of tears and sobs coming out of me. “Yet you still cry about it, y/n. It’s been what? Almost a year and you two still mourn for each other. I never believe you when you said you moved on from him. It was and still is in your eyes.” Nick whispered into my ears, his hand never stops rubbing my shoulder. 

“It hurts Nick, I still want him but God knows how my brain despise him when he said those words to me but my heart says the opposite” I sobbed, pouring my heart out. Nick only nods and comfort me softly, whispering sweetness to me till I slowly calm down from all the loud sob, non stopping flows of tears. My fingers taking the necklace from the box and turn it around. An engrave of ‘I love you - c.s’. I let my thumb stays on the engraving.

Minutes of staring it, I unclasp the hook and place it around my neck. Nick only observe my movement, saying absolutely nothing. I sigh lowly, resting the necklace on my collarbone. Sounds of a phone ringing starts to play, Nick take his phone out of the pocket of his trousers. The caller ID shows that it was Chris. I nod towards the phone, telling Nick to answer the phone call.

His thumb lingers on the decline button but finally pressing the green button, “Chris? Why’d you call?” He ask, talking to the phone. I shift away from Nick to give them both some privacy. I search for my phone only to be met with the battery logo. Grabbing the charger on the bedside table and plugging it in. “I’ll give you two some times but don’t ask again after this. You better not missed anything or even mess this up again, or I’m killing you myself.” The call comes to an end.

I walk back to my bed and peers at his phone, “what happened?” I asked, picking up the box from the bed and move it into my closet. “Nothing, Chris just asked about the juice from yesterday.” Oh. I nodded out of disappointment and settle down beside him. “Whatever happen, just let it flow naturally. Do not push it away. You better hear me out this time, y/n.” He said, looking into my eyes with seriousness. 

My brow furrows softly, confusion starts to spread on my face, “okay? Anyway why did you come here all of a sudden?”

“You weren’t answering the text I gave you and all my calls went straight to the voicemail. You expect me not to panic knowing you” He said, crossing his arms. “Anyway I’m gonna go buy some takeout with Matt, you want the usual?” 

“The usual I guess?” I shrugged, “up to you though, I don’t mind” 

Nick wave at me and left me alone in my room with my clouded thoughts. Sighing, I rose to my feet and drag myself to the bathroom to wash my face. My eyes are a bit red and puffy after the crying session and all. The sound of my door bell rings all over my house, I dry my face quickly. Rushing down the stairs to open the door. Time seeming to slow down, feeling as if I can hear my own heartbeat. There he stood, My Chris or what used to be. The tears in my eyes threatening to fall, “Chris…” I whispered-

-to be continued-

[supersources]

interview with the vampire (2022):  episode 5,  a vile hunger for your hammering heart. tw:  murder, death, abuse, violence, blood, strong language, all vampire things.

* i can't die like this!

* let my dog live.

* it's a kill list in a teenager's handwriting.

* i'm trying to think of something more fucked up than this.

* they'll scale the sides of this building, force their way inside and paint the walls with his blood.

* don't look down on them, look in the mirror.

* he's an opinionated young man, he lives to share these opinions even when they are not solicited.

* what does he taste like?

* i didn't ask that.

* you were thinking it.

* he tastes like honey and pineapple, he stuffs himself for days before he offers himself to me. would you like to sample?

* i care for him more than he cares for himself.

* stay out of my head.

* you wouldn't find the corroboration you're seeking even if you could. we burned, we buried. and a convention city is not motivated to advertise grim statistics.

* i know what i'd do, but you've cut my hands off.

* don't do that, it's private.

* what night is it?

* i couldn't hear you over the tugboat.

* a whole lot of concern has been wasted on you these past months.

* did you read my other ones?

* well, you better hope and pray you taught me how to clean up good.

* you gonna let him do this to me?!

* i've read some passages out loud, i'm afraid. hurtful words for both of your guardians.

* i buried them, okay?! way out of town! nothing out there for miles, no one's ever gonna find them except maybe criminals burying bodies of their own.

* i'm never gonna forget what happened here. i hate you.

* get out of my room!

* you want money?

* i mean, it's always a straight line with you. yes, i am asking for your support in my campaign.

* sounds like there's a maniac on the loose.

* don't be too startled if the police come knocking on your door.

* i was in the middle of cleaning when they knocked.

* you often leave your daughter alone with access to illegal spirits?

* that's my daughter's room!

* oh, i'm getting ready for bed!

* have you lost your goddamn mind? overnight, in a jail cell, with no coffin. we all be dead by morning.

* we do not bring souvenirs into the house!

* so much wine in his blood... and beer, and whisky.

* you wanted her, you fix her!

* do you remember our life, how happy we were before her? an anvil tied around our ankles, pulling us towards the pitch-black ocean floor.

* who am i supposed to love?

* how are you gonna fix it, huh? which one of you is gonna fuck me?

* well, you're not my type, i like a fuller figure.

* if you could find other vampires, which you won't, they would shred you to strips because you are built like a bird, because you are a mistake.

* how about you shut the fuck up?

* he treats us like shit and you take it! why is that?

* you, as cruel as the devil ever made, to refuse me one love when you got two!

* i've been entertaining myself.

* i'll kill her soon.

* don't run off...

* why did you take me home? why not a hospital? maybe i'd have a handsome husband by now, or he'd be plain with a good disposition. that'd be fine too. i'd be sweeping floors, making dinners, nursing babies. maybe i'd go to church... you think on that some.

* i had no words for her, what words were there? "it all happened so fast", "i was trying to save you"... "all vampires are born out of trauma."

* poor dear. she wasn't held enough in between ritualistic murders.

* look, charlie manson wrote a couple of beautiful songs. still, he was charlie manson.

* is that all you think of her?

* it won't matter what your intentions are... it's the world out there right now.

* once you put it out there, they decide what it is. it can get away from you.

* i won't have her exploited.

* keep reading.

* keep talking.

* assume we are under suspicion. assume our finances no longer provide us protection.

* make your kills outside of the city, one a night. no persons of note... unfortunates, undesirables.

* we should leave the city, start anew, turn a betrayal into an opportunity. new york, chicago, los angeles...

* we should dismantle her room.

* she'll be back.

* there would be no roaring twenties for us.

* we were underground for seven years.

* (name), come home. i know i hurt you. i know i can make it right again.

* little girl... i'm talking to you. now what were you doing in the library? you're not allowed in there.

* i don't talk to strangers.

* you can read?

* just as i thought, a little thief. you're coming with me.

* what are you gonna do after that? after you turn her in, after it makes you feel like a big man, what's your next move, you think?

* you're not allowed to ride one of those on campus.

* this is our school, where is your fighting pride?

* you hungry?

* flaubert's style is so dense. the absence of metaphor is so striking...

* should we make it a night of the two?

* you sound like every pompous sorbonne student i've ever eaten.

* should i do it like you instead? read the first ten pages of every book and pass myself off as cultured?

* well, at least you're listening. i sit there thinking "light yourself on fire, see if he'll notice."

* you draw me into your gloom.

* it's your fault she's gone. if you hadn't pushed her...

* i cannot listen to this insanity about (name) one more time.

* i got to hear my own funeral. only couple dozen people showed up, most didn't have much to say. started talking about the weather a few minutes in.

* poor fella digging my grave lies resting on the family plot.

* what was he like, your maker?

* it ain't like that, he's more like a dad.

* oh, now there's three of us.

* got me wondering what it'd be like, ride with others, hunt in a pack. a little fang gang.

* you got a name?

* you don't kill like a (name), you kill like a killer.

* there are four pages torn out... did she tear them out? didn't seem like something she would do...

* when you do that, when you editorialize, however noble the reasoning, it calls into question all of the other shit you're shovelling my way.

* don't ask again.

* it could be her, but i'm the one who is presently standing in front of you.

* so, if my considerable considerables continue to be squandered...

* hello? oh, sorry... no, it's good to hear your voice.

* we're headed north... crash cleaned us out. and don't offer, 'cause i'm not asking.

* you look good.

* don't need that either, (name). or... whatever you are that took my (name).

* i prayed myself old, begging what to do about you. god never talked back, so... this is how it has to be, for me, for my family. you understand?

* i've come to apologize, i put you both in a bad spot. i wasn't right in my head... i am now.

* apology not accepted.

* so, quick stop home to do laundry before you fuck off for good?

* perused a few folklore anthologies and now you're going to cross the ocean to take on a society of monsters?

* if what i've read is lies, then tell me what's true.

* seven years and what's changed other than you need a housekeeper?

* the vampires out there are vicious... oh, but you know that already. who did you meet out there?

* that's it, keep 'em scared. that's his way.

* we took her life from her. we cursed her.

* come with me! come with me, (name)!

* i thought i could live without you but i was wrong.

* his love is a small box he keeps you in. don't stay in it!

* a thousand nights of sulking, and the first sight of her you're just gonna up and leave me?!

* please, come with me! let's be vampires worthy of your love!

* i fought myself a million times, fought my nature, controlled my temper... i never once harmed you.

* let him go... he didn't do nothing. it's me you want.

* i have patiently waited in vain for you to love me as i love you. just say it... i'm never going to love you. it would help me a great deal to hear that from your lips... your quivering, hateful lips.

* let go of me.

* anything for you.

[bundrops-n-fluffytops]

Welcome Home Agere Fic - Sing Me to Sleep

Characters: Little!Howdy Pillar, CG!Barnaby B. Beagle

Setting: Howdy’s Bodega (Checkout Desk, Upstairs Breakroom)

Premise: Barnaby notices that his good pal Howdy is overworking himself to the point of losing sleep. Concerned and determined to help his buddy out, he decides to sing him a lullaby to help him sleep. The next morning, he discovers something about Howdy he initially didn’t think he did.

Author’s Note: Another agere fic, this time with Howdy!! I kinda headcanon Barnaby and Howdy as childhood friends, like Barnaby befriended him while he stayed at the farm with his ma, so here it’s mentioned for a bit at the beginning. Hope that’s ok!!

Also the lullaby that Barnaby sings is ai generated, not an original song, so don’t think I write songs too jfkgk

—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—

Ever since the bodega opened in the town of Welcome Home, the lovable yet goofy Barnaby B. Beagle always made a point of visiting. Considering it was run by an old pal of his - that being the ever so hardworking Howdy Pillar - he couldn’t just ignore it! It even had all his favorite things in it; rubber duckies, party horns, endless streams of ribbons, the whole nine! For the price of just a simple trade as well, it was a perfect store!

Of course, it wouldn’t be the same without the man of the hour - or say, caterpillar. Barnaby had always admired the blood and sweat put into every little detail of the bodega, from the paint jobs to the shelving and even to the currency. It was a marvelous sight to see, but he couldn’t expect less from such a diligent and determined shopkeeper. Always toiling and moiling and working himself to the bone to make sure that progress did well and that every customer left with a big smile on their face, he could do no bad.

That… did bring a glaring problem to the surface, however: he did this all the time.

Because his never-ending perseverance and his insistence to make sure that business was booming at the seams, he often tired himself out. And by often, that meant a lot.

The bags under the titular caterpillar’s eyes looked as if they’ve been personally drawn on with permanent marker, with how dark they were. Often times, Barnaby would accidentally catch Howdy almost falling asleep at his checkout desk, but immediately perking up when he noticed that the comedian was watching. He would wake up and catch Howdy still up at the tender hours of night sweeping the floors or wiping the windows or even restocking the shelves.

It was concerning, to say the least. He had occasionally brought up the idea that Howdy could at least lay low for a short while, take a small break. However, the poor shopkeeper would break into a nervous sweat and go, “Oh but who will run the front counter while I’m gone? I’m the only one who works here, I can’t stop now! This shop will go belly-up if I quit here, I just can’t!” It almost broke the dog’s beating heart to see him in such a fit of distress.

He wanted to fix that, and he knew exactly how.

—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—

The sun set behind the trees one hot and sweaty evening, and Howdy was finishing up the last of his chores for the night: restocking the shelves, sweeping up any dust and grime, and wiping the front windows squeaky clean. Barnaby took quick note of this and strolled towards him, humming a jovial tune.

“Well howdy do, Howdy! Lovely afternoon we got here, but golly is it sweltering! I feel like I’m on Hell’s front porch with a pipin’ fever right about now, huh?” Barnaby greeted himself, chuckling as he did. Howdy looked up from wiping the front window, rubbing his sleepy lids with his lower right hand and smiling drowsily.

“You’re not wrong Barnaby, heh! I can feel myself melting like a snow cone in Phoenix!” He replied, wiping his forehead of the pooling sweat and turning back to wiping the windows clean. Barnaby snickered, nodding his head to the statement.

An awkward silence fell on the two. Howdy cleared his throat.

“Ahem, uh… what brings you here, ol’ pal?”, he asked, “ya’ need something from my shop? Any horns or… fake teeth or spinning plates?” The shopkeeper began to put up his bucket of suds and washrag before being stopped by the comedian.

“Oh no, I’m fine as frog hair, buddy! I just came to ask ya’ something, if you have the time, of course.” Howdy perked up at the request, but paused and sighed wearily.

“If you’re asking for me to take a break, Barnaby, then no. I’m not letting this business fall because the one man working here-“

He quickly got interrupted.

“Aww, come on Howdy! You’re exhausted and practically sleepwalking, if you keep working in this state you’ll be dead on your feet!” Barnaby protested, crossing his arms and huffing.

“Barnaby, you really don’t understand,” Howdy rebutted, “this is a matter of needing rather than wanting. Anyone and everyone could come, and if they see me lounging around, doing everything but, I’ll be letting them down! Soon the progress of this whole business could go down, and take me with it. I can’t ‘take a break’ because I am literally against doing it.”

Barnaby sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. Howdy sure dug his heels deep in this business, huh? The titular dog wracked his brain for quite a while, thinking of a good way to pry his four arms away from the building… until something popped up.

“Oh well, I guess you’re right… but I do still have something to ask of you.” Howdy sighed, lifting his head towards him with his brow furrowed.

“Will you at least let me sing something to you?”

This tripped the caterpillar upside for a moment. Sing for him? Why exactly would this dog want to sing for him in the dead of night?

“Uhh… may I ask why? That’s a rather odd question to ask, really,” Howdy questioned the dog.

“Oh, well I had been listening to the radio recently and I happened to stumble upon the most loveliest tune! It had me painting the town red, it was lovely!” Howdy tilted his head curiously.

“Hmmm… well what song was it? I think I may have some records inside so you can sing along.” Barnaby grinned widely. His plan was working perfectly.

“I’m pretty sure it was called…Sweet Dreams and Strawberry Milk? It was a guitar song too, very slow and calming.”

“Hmmm… I don’t seem to have that song on a record, from what I can remember.” Barnaby’s heart dropped.

“Buuuuut I do have a guitar! Maybe you can play it on that?” And just like that, the plan was still in motion.

“Oh, superb! You always seem to have something on you to fix a situation, don’tcha? Well, what are you waiting for? Let’s go inside before the wolves start howling!”

Barnaby quickly grabbed Howdy’s free arm and dragged him inside the bodega, leaving behind his sud bucket and rag. After a few quick directions, both the dog and caterpillar made their way to the upstairs breakroom.

The breakroom itself was quite large, to his surprise, it almost doubled as a separate house. In one section of the room, a small kitchenette with an oven, fridge, and sink, along with a sofa, record player, and television. In another section, a large bed spread along the room, with a dresser and closet on one side and a bookshelf on the other. In between both sections was a bathroom that he could conveniently walk into any time he wanted. The breakroom as a whole had a sort of forest or plant theme, with leaves and flower decorations galore, it was like shrinking and walking into Poppy’s garden.

Barnaby made their way towards the second section, sitting down on the edge of Howdy’s bed. Howdy strolled towards the closet, opening and rummaging through. He pulled out a large guitar and walked towards the bed where Barnaby sat, handing over the guitar.

“Do make this quick, ok pal?,” Howdy admonishes, slipping off his shoes and taking off his hat. He might as well get comfortable in case things get too long. Barnaby waved his hand dismissively, holding the guitar in his paws.

“Ahh, don’t you worry your pretty lil’ head, Howdy,” he reassured, “I’ll be quicker than green grass though a goose!” Howdy chuckled at that, smiling slightly.

The comedian took a minute to tune and adjust the chords to the guitar, making sure he wasn’t off-tune, before holding the guitar to his chest. He took a deep breath… and began to sing.

Close your eyes my little one

Drift away to sleep

Dream of fields of strawberries

Growing tall and deep

Sweet dreams my love

With strawberry milk in your cup

May your slumber be peaceful

And your dreams be sweet and lush

Imagine a garden of red

With vines and leaves so green

Picking the ripest berries

For the sweetest milk you've seen

Sweet dreams my love

With strawberry milk in your cup

May your slumber be peaceful

And your dreams be sweet and lush

As the peaceful lullaby rang throughout the bedroom, Howdy could feel his head begin to cloud up and his eyelids to feel heavy. He suppressed a yawn but caught himself stretching his arms and back.

He then decided that he rest his head for just a moment, if only for a second. He figured he would be awake by the time the song was finished, so it couldn’t be that bad.

As you lay here in my arms

With your eyes closed tight

Let the taste of strawberry milk

Take you through the night

Sweet dreams my love

With strawberry milk in your cup

May your slumber be peaceful

And your dreams be sweet and lush

Sleep now my little one

May your dreams be bright

With strawberry milk in your thoughts

All through the night.

Barnaby cleared his throat after finishing the song, gently placing the guitar to his left. He turned to face Howdy, who had been silent throughout the entire song, to ask him how he felt, but he instead found Howdy fast asleep beside him. How silly of him to drop off mid song, and in his work clothes too! Barnaby snickered to himself at the sight.

He decided that it would be best to stay the night. He pulled the blankets on the bed over the sleeping shopkeeper, tucking him in comfortably, before quietly leaving the bedroom. He made himself towards the other half of the breakroom and towards the couch, and pulled out the longer section to lie down. Turning off the lights and getting comfortable in the process, soon both of them were in a peaceful slumber.

The plan was a success.

—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—

Barnaby suddenly awoke to a strange noise.

He blinked himself awake to the sudden sound, trying to make sense of his vision. He could make out the kitchenette and the television, and what couch he was on.

Ah, yes, he was at Howdy’s place.

The sun was pooling through the closed curtains and birds were chirping their morning song, signifying a new morning for the sleepy beagle. He slowly stood up from his position and stretched his arms and back wide behind him, popping anything that needed popping.

His attention soon turned to the strange noise that woke him up. It was shrill and loud, yet desperate, if it made sense. It was occasionally interrupted by a slight hiccup or sniffle, before going right back to the shrillness.

Was that… Howdy?

It had the same voice as Howdy, had the same pitch (albeit a tad higher than usual), he could recognize it from a mile away. But what exactly is making him wail this loud?

He had to go investigate.

Barnaby slowly got up from the couch and quietly made his way through the breakroom towards Howdy’s bedroom. He hesitantly knocked one, two, three times, making sure it was quiet but noticeable.

“Howdy? Is that you in there?” Barnaby asked, hands on hips and his face screwed up into that of concern. If his suspicions were correct that this was indeed his pre-pupated pal, then this was quite out of character of him. He wasn’t that open with his inner feelings as he didn’t want them interfering with work, so hearing him so distressed was… odd.

He was quite surprised to see the door swing open not long after he knocked, but what surprised him more was what answered the door: a shaky and teary-eyed Howdy, covered in a colorful blanket and his thumb halfway in his mouth. It took him by surprise for a bit, before quickly being replaced with a brotherly concern.

“Oh jeez… you okay, bud? What happened?” Barnaby said, resting a gentle paw on the shivering shopkeeper’s shoulder and rubbing it slowly. Howdy only sniffled and hiccuped, lowering his head and covering his face with his hands as he continued to cry. The blue beagle took that opportunity to hesitantly wrap his arms around the both of them in a comforting embrace, letting Howdy rest his head on his shoulder.

“Deep breaths, bud… let’s go over here, ok?” Barnaby said quietly and reassuringly, taking one of Howdy’s hands and leading them to the nearby sofa. The titular caterpillar sniffled, wiping his eyes with his hands and popping his free thumb back between his lips. They both trudged towards the comfy cushions, sitting comfortably beside each other with hands clasped gently. Barnaby leaned his friend’s head towards the crook of his neck, letting Howdy rest against him as the bigger dog began to rub his back slowly.

“Hasn’t been your best morning, huh buddy?”, Barnaby said, his voice low and quiet and reassuring. Howdy sniffed, nodding his head silently.

“How’s about I settle here until you’re up and running again, hm?”, the blue beagle suggested, “It don’t seem like you can even walk properly, let alone run a store like this. Not good shape for a guy like you, huh?”

Howdy furiously shook his head no at that notion.

“I know, I know,” the blue dog continued, “you wanna run it. We can always take a day off though, can’t we? It can’t hurt to lay low for at least a day. It’s only about one in a few hundred days, isn’t it?” The small caterpillar sat there for a bit, his head filled with thought. Barnaby scratched his noggin for an idea, then snapped his fingers once it came.

“How about this,” he started, “maybe I can stay and settle with you for the day until you’re feeling better? That way you won’t have to worry about feeling lonely, ok? How does that sound?” Howdy looked down to his feet, wringing his lower hands together in thought. He didn’t want to let the business down, and he felt bad that he was so upset when Barnaby found him.

However, he wasn’t wrong. He had been quite stressed for a few weeks, and he was teetering towards passing out and never getting out of bed. Plus, in his state, how would he run the shop? He could barely talk. It wasn’t an argument at this point, really. He needed this break.

Howdy hesitantly nodded.

“Good to hear, bub,” Barnaby said, squeezing him towards himself a bit tighter. He then stood up and wipe his paws on his vest, and turned back to Howdy.

“You mind if I hold you, bud?”, he asked, lowering himself to the smaller caterpillar’s level. Howdy nodded, holding out his lower arms and flexing the fingers in a grabbing motion. Barnaby gripped his sides and hooked his hands underneath his upper arms. He lifted him up slowly and rested the caterpillar on his hip.

“Now there, how’s about we get you dressed in something nice, m’kay? Those slacks don’t feel so good now, I can find something better for today.”

—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—

[soulsbleedink]

𝙀𝙎𝙋𝙍𝙀𝙎𝙎𝙊 | 𝙎𝙆𝘼𝙍𝙍𝘼

Prompt: [Slightly based off the song 'espresso' by Sabrina Carpenter!] Skarra's been looking for the IU scientist the whole day; concluding that she has disappeared into her haven; aka her lab. He brings her food, and spends time with her.

Warning[s]: None, it's fluffy!

Pairing: Skarra x OC [OC belongs to @edenvillee (Eden)]

Words: 2.2k

masterlist

i keep on brainrotting about dee's ocs, you can't really blame me. i had to write edarra, they're precious. <3

“Eden?” Eden could recognise that voice anywhere. She turned around to meet the familiar dumb haircut that Skarra had always had, stupid buzz. With her coffee in one hand and a calculator in another, she balanced a pointed glare at him. She didn’t want to come off as rude, but interruptions when she’d lock in weren’t too welcome. 

“What is it, Skarra?” She gave him one of her signature sarcastic smiles. He leaned down, as if he was observing her, and she raised an eyebrow at him. “Spit up, I’m a bit busy, if you can’t tell?”

“Why are you so cranky? I just wanted to check in,” He started, and she sighed, shaking her head. “Dingaan said you’ve been cooped up in the lab the entire day, you’re already wearing glasses, didn’t need you to be blind next.”

“That’s a nice sentiment, but are you sure you don’t want something? You being nice equals ulterior motives most of the time.” She fixed her glasses, placing the coffee away, away from her reports and research papers. Nothing was safe around Skarra.

“I didn’t realise you thought so low of me.” He feigned a pout at her and she rolled her eyes. 

“Think you earned that reputation by yourself, himaar.” 

“I swear I knew what it meant yesterday—” Apparently it didn’t take more than a few seconds to get distracted, with something that was completely irrelevant too. “Just one more time—”

Eden turned away, running a hand through her hair as she glanced back at her papers spread all over her work-desk. A soft sigh slipped past her lips, and she could hear rustling behind her, evidently Skarra taking his umpteenth stroll around the lab that didn’t even interest him. She could swear he was only here to piss her off. 

“How many cups of raw espresso are you on…?” Skarra asked from somewhere in the background, the soft scraping of discarded cups following his words. Eden turned to him again, eyeing him as he cleaned up the mess that Eden said she would eventually, once she was done with the never-ending research she had to conduct. 

“Quite a few, I’ve lost count honestly,” She answered, rather honestly this time, “also, you don’t need to clean that up, I’ll do it myself soon enough.”

Skarra glared at her, and she glared back. “Eden, I swear, you have to take care of yourself!” He threw the cups away into bins, now making his way back to the scientist. “Take a break, now.”

“Shush, I still have half a dozen reports to read over, the other scientists aren’t particularly reliable, you know?” She pinched the bridge of her nose in annoyance, one that was prevalent on her face for most parts of the day anyway. Skarra laughed, and she huffed.

“Well, you can catch a break, can’t you?” He asked, a grin playing on his lips.

“Apparently not, actually.” She tried to turn back to the tumultuous pile of papers, but her chair stopped mid-spin, and she craned her neck up, meeting Skarra’s amused expression, lips forming a frown. He flicked her forehead and she reached forward but he reacted quickly, moving back.

Footballers and their reflexes. She rolled her eyes at the thought. 

“That wasn’t a question.” He retreated into whatever corner of hell he originated from, and she stared into the dark until he appeared, and he had some sort of box in his hands, a lunch box…? What? 

Choosing to ignore the box in his hands, she recounted his words, “yes it was.”

“No, it wasn’t.” He was trying to gaslight her again.

“This just feels like that one time you went buff mode and then embarrassed yourself.” She smirked at him, knowing he would hate the mention.

Stretching her limbs, she watched as he pouted at her like a kid, the box still in his hands, but he was standing still and looking at her like a mad toddler about to throw their tantrum. Only then did she realise that it seemed to be growing even darker outside, the digital clock on the wall displayed a neon green 21:10. Time in fact did not wait for her.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Uh-huh.” She nodded, feeling relatively happier. Apparently, the idiot knew how to make her feel better, with his stupid way of speaking, and acting around her. What a clown, honestly.

“Whatever, I thought I could be nice to you today, but you just want me to—” He stopped mid-sentence, as if he lost his train of thoughts (not that she believed he had any in the first place), and she wondered what stopped him.

“To what?”

“Nothing.” He walked over to her and placed the box on her desk, pushing away the papers and the mess that she had to look into. “I got you food.” 

“What?” She didn’t quite catch him. “What do you mean?” 

“I got you dinner.” And he refused to elaborate. Great.

“Skarra, I swear to god—” She tried to pry his hands away from her desk but he just wouldn’t budge. And then she just sighed, letting go. He continued unboxing what she assumed was food. “Thank you…” She resigned herself to her fate, if he wasn’t going to just let her off the hook, then perhaps she could just accept the fact that he would make her eat.

“Dingaan and Akira told me you barely responded to their messages too,” He mentioned off-handedly. 

She looked up at him. “And?”

“Don’t just ‘and’ me!” He huffed, and it reminded her of herself. She fought back a laugh, letting the guy place the food in front of her.

And suddenly she was surprised by how good it actually looked, it didn’t look too bad. Did he even cook this himself? In front of her, there were sandwiches, nice and simple, with the crust trimmed off, and they smelt wonderful, just for the fact.

“I made them…” He whispered, and she looked up, feeling a smile tug at her lips. Okay, maybe she did appreciate him a lot sometimes. She reached for his shoulder, squeezing it and mouthing the words ‘thank you’. 

“I appreciate it.” She looked back at the food, picking one of the sandwiches up and tentatively taking a bite. The taste was ethereal, or maybe it was the fact that for the last few hours she’d been sustaining herself on coffee only, but really, it did taste good. “It tastes amazing, are you sure you made it?” She asked jokingly, grinning. 

Noticing her grin, he grinned too, and nodded like a little puppy. Her heart winced maybe a tad bit, and she continued eating away. Skarra found a chair and rolled it over to her, so he was now next to her. He picked up his own sandwich and she could swear he bit off more than half of it in one single bite. Her eyes widened slightly at him, had he not had at all during the day?

“Have you not had any food today…?” She asked between bites, as she waited for him to meet her gaze. 

Slowly he met her eyes, and she smiled at him softly, urging him to answer. “No.”

“Why, Skarra?” She asked gently, fighting the urge to reach for his hands. This idiot honestly, she should’ve been mad at him, but she couldn’t even bring herself to fully be angry. She was exhausted, and at the moment really felt appreciative of him. She mentally face-palmed herself because of  her own thoughts.

He raised a questioning brow and she just shook her head. He just shrugged, and she watched him closely, noticing his relaxed shoulders, and the way he tapped at the arm of the chair twice every three seconds. 

“Skarra? Are you fine?” She mentally cringed a bit at her tone, but smiled up at him.

“Yeah, I guess I just wanted to spend some time with you.” He sighed, picking at scabs on his arms, and she pried his hands away from his arms, shaking his head. 

“Go on,” She whispered.

“I don’t really know, you’ve been so busy recently, and I kinda miss your banter, and your stupid insults.”

She felt her heart warm up. She didn’t know he could be this cute sometimes, gosh, did she hate him for it. For playing with her feelings like this, and making unwelcomed butterflies flutter in her stomach like that. 

“Well, you know what? I miss you too, idiot.” She laughed, for the first time fully in all these hours that she’d been in this lab, researching away, ignoring Vince’s calls, and Dingaan’s messages. Maybe she felt bad, but she had priorities, and she wouldn’t let go of that for anyone, really. Or maybe just a select few people.

“I never thought I’d be hearing you say that,” He said, feigning a heart attack, and striking the classic ‘damsel-in-distress’ pose, prompting Eden to laugh, run a hand through her brown curls. 

What she didn’t notice was that he looked at her for that moment like she could be the best thing he’d ever seen, and he would never—never look at someone like that, or he hoped he wouldn’t, at least. But seeing her let her guard down, and laugh, and be absolutely stupid with him really filled his heart with some type of warmth he only knew a few years ago.

Eden finally got out of her small laughing fit, and Skarra started picking up the crumbs from the bread on her desk, and she tried to convince him that he needn’t do that, but he was stubborn, and of course he wouldn’t listen. Of course not.

She sighed, picking a report from her stack and skimming through it while Skarra cleaned up lightly. 

New training sequences… Post-injury recovery statistics…. Dingaan…  Dingaan? That wasn’t even written in a font, it looked plainly scribbled with pen, and the handwriting looked familiar. She spun around in her chair.

“Skarra? Care to explain?” She looked at him through the lenses of her glasses, trying her best to glare at him.

He straightened up, slowly meeting his gaze and then glancing down at the paper, then back at her with an apologetic smile… “Sorry.”

“At least you’re apologising.” She sighed, turning back and just finishing up the last few rounds of proof-reading. 

She wasn’t sure how long it’d been since she locked in again, but when Skarra placed his hands on her shoulders, she could swear she saw heaven for a moment, the pure fear sending her heart jumping into her head. She shook, leaning her head up to glare at him and frown.

“Need help?” He asked, what had gotten into him, today?

“No, thank you. I appreciate the offer, though.”

He sighed at her words, and just resigned himself to sitting beside her, criss-crossed. 

It wasn’t too long before she considered herself far too drained without her unlimited resources of caffeine. She put away anything and everything related to her work and slouched, resting her head on the desk in front of her.

“No espresso, no energy?” Skarra taunted, and she laughed, nodding.

“Shut up, Skarra.”

“I lo—hate you too.” He got up and ruffled her hair, packing up her stuff for her.

She didn’t even have the energy to tell him not to, because god knew when he’d use this against her and try to gaslight her into doing something for him. 

“Dingaan will be hearing about this.” She sighed.

“I’ll let Vince know about the espresso.”

“Don’t you dare.” She tried to fake a threatening tone with him, but her exhaustion was getting the better of her too. 

“Come on, there's no way you're falling asleep here.” He tugged on her arm, and she tried to swat him away. 

“There's many ways, actually.” She deadpanned up at him.

“There's a reason I call you the nerd emoji.” 

“Excuse you. You have like no respect for me.” She hoisted herself from the clamlike position she was in, resigning herself to whatever was going through Skarra's small skull. 

Skarra turned to her, and grinned, before hoisting her bag onto his shoulder and lunging for the door that led to his freedom.

Now that caught her off-guard.

“Get back here, you rascal!” She called out as she forced her feet to pick up pace and run after him. Surely he would've realised her legs wouldn't be able to reach the speeds he could? Or probably not, this was Skarra she was thinking about. 

“Get me, Eden!” He turned back briefly, almost running right into a pole. 

She fought back a laugh as she finally cornered him at his car. “Give me my stuff back, or risk losing your head.” 

“No.” 

“Skarra.” 

He grinned at her like an idiot, and she was growing perplexed and maybe agitated. She tried to reach for her stuff but he held it above her head. 

“Come on, Eden, Dingaan's waiting.”

“Don't use him as bait.” 

Maybe she was hallucinating but Skarra started pouting again. Maybe all of that caffeine was getting to her and she was really ascending to heaven or—He reached out for her face and she stepped back. Yeah, she definitely was still alive and well.

“Whatever, get in that car and don't kill me because you're horrendous at driving.”

“Duly noted.” Maybe it wasn't too bad with him. Just her typical day-to-day IU scientist experience with her dumb footballer.

[takeasadsongandanalyzeit]

12 Bar Blues in F

This recording is the second instrumental from the April/May 1960 home recording made at Forthlin Road (also known as the Kirchherr Tape). It's a little long, so be warned. Though, @peaceloveandstarrs did such a fantastic analysis, you'll want to listen to every second so you can follow along.

This seems to be an improvised blues instrumental. We can hear a steady bass, keeping a good rhythm (more evidence that Stu is unfairly maligned as a bass player). Our working theory is that Stu played the bass kind of how Ringo plays the drums, there to serve the song. We both think, had Stu actually tried, he could have become an incredible bassist. Stu was just talented, at everything, so even though he wasn't trying very hard, it's still more than just passable.

There are at least two other guitars, possibly three.

We had some discussion about who was playing lead guitar. We originally thought Paul, but this was 2 years after Paul flubbed the solo in Guitar Boogie, so the likelihood he'd take lead was low. It's therefore likely George. It's interesting hearing him mess with some chords higher up the neck. It shows the beginning of Geo's talent pretty well, we'd say.

But neither of us our instrumentalists, so we're gonna leave the rest of this analysis to someone who is.

@peaceloveandstarrs has been kind enough to write another guest post about this song:

This is definitely improvised going by how rambling the intro is and how it takes them about a minute or so to finally settle into a key signature. As with the last one I listened to, I wish the balance had been better, but again, I get that the technology at the time made sound quality less than great. There’s a lot of really neat lead guitar stuff, like the picking around 1:23 and then the bit around 1:32. I’m not a guitarist, but I know that any technical playing on any instrument takes a lot of skill and practice. So whoever was on lead on this, my kudos! (Not that that means anything 62 years later, ha!)

The bass is definitely keeping a steady tempo, which is what’s expected of a bass player when there’s no percussionist. Stu isn’t the best bass player, but he’s not as bad as people make him out to be. I love all of the chromatic runs from whoever’s playing them, like the one at 3:37. They’re such a good transition between different melodic ideas or the start of a new chord progression. The random bits of dissonance, like the one at around 5:02, are jarring now that the key’s been settled. But hey, it keeps the listener on their toes and attentive.

I love the moments where the whole thing really comes together and the individual lines fit together perfectly, such as around 5:40. And just when that settles in, you get another cool, technical line at around 5:56. Whoever is playing this (Paul? I can’t tell individual playing styles apart yet) made it sound easy. As an instrumentalist myself, technical runs always give me the most difficulty, so I can say pretty confidently that it wasn’t that easy. At least not right off the bat.

There’s a neat little groove at around 7:33 in one of the guitar lines. It’s simple, but the way it’s played (first note accented, slurred into the second part of the line) makes it have a kind of jazzy feel. I listened to that one a couple of times just because I liked it. And we get to more technical bits in the guitar line around 8:24 or so. It’s a repetitive line, but it’s so clean-sounding. Again, not easy to do. I have a hard time articulating quickly and making it sound that clean! (Granted I play clarinet, so I’m not sure if I can really compare it to a guitar…)

It sounds like Stu is trying to bring the chart to an end around 9:20 and the rest of the group didn’t get the memo! That’s a classic ending bass line, descending the scale to the tonic tone (so in this case, he landed on an F since the piece is in F… music theory classes coming in handy finally!) The last 40 seconds or so sounds like they’re trying to figure out how to end the chart. I sort of wish they’d all ended with Stu’s little descending line, but hey, the way they end it works too. Overall, it’s a nice little improvisation with lots of signs of developing talent, especially in whoever played lead guitar.

[mieux-de-se-taire]

Danger Days - Part 1

Admittedly, Danger Days is probably my least favorite MCR album, but it’s still a blast to listen to and has some incredible songs. The incorporation of more electronic sounds actually works quite well here. While the tone shift between TBP and Danger Days is initially very jarring, upon reading more about it, it makes a lot of sense and is in many ways a positive progression. One interesting thing about Danger Days to me is how much better it works live. There are several songs on Danger Days that I like but aren’t super interested in, but when they’re played live, they blow me away and I find myself loving them. Something about the energy and spirit of the record just translates infinitely better live than in the studio, at least for me.

Look Alive Sunshine - a really fun intro to the album and the world, I love the slang they used in Danger Days, and it really shines through here, I mean “slaughtermatic sounds,” it’s brilliant, and it’s just a lot of fun

Na Na Na - punchy and addictive and so much fun, not my favorite song from Danger Days but definitely iconic, it’s all over the place lyrically but it has some really great lines, my favorite is “I’d rather go to hell / than be in purgatory,” which I think kind of captures how MCR expressed their anger towards the world in this album, the whole song has this intense incoherence, but the chaos works surprisingly well and really scratches an itch. And the music video fits the song so well, showing that same chaotic and reckless fun visually. The amount of world building they fit in just 4 minutes is really impressive, and it just pulls you into the story. (Also, Gerard’s decision (as the director) to have Grant Morrison, his childhood hero, hold his face and stare intensely into his eyes (0:45)...hm, okay.) Gerard has said this about the song: “‘I had a vision...I had always imagined this record took place in the desert but it didn’t sound like it for some reason. I wrote a song called “Na Na Na” and I realized that’s what I wanted. I was writing all these crazy lyrics out and they were fearless and fucking reckless. I had this vision in my head – and everything I had been working on in the comic, the masks, the laser guns, the cars, everything, started to swirl around in my head. ‘I was almost writing the song as the trailer for a film that didn’t exist. I was thinking about guys doing donuts and shooting laser guns into the air, hyper violence, video-game violence’” (The True Lives of My Chemical Romance, 235). Frank has added, “‘There’s a lot of rebellion in there...It’s rebelling against the rules people have for cleaning up for the greater good. Something like “Na Na Na” is dealing with people’s perceptions: you can’t have a T-shirt with a pill on it but you can have one with an Uzi on it? What are we doing? Are we cleaning things up or are we dumbing things down? Are we pretending things don’t exist?’” (The True Lives of My Chemical Romance, 244).

Bulletproof Heart - a prime example of translating better live, I rarely listen to this song (though I do have it on my MCR playlist), but I love when they play it at shows, overall just a very fun song, my favorite part is the bridge starting at about 3:22, I love the futuristic electronic sound and how they bring it to the forefront for a moment, and the more I listen to this song, the more I realize how good some of the lyrics are, “Hold your heart into this darkness / Will it ever be the light to shine you out / or fail and leave you stranded?”, this song, and Danger Days as a whole, don’t really get enough credit lyrically. Also, fun fact, bulletproof heart was one of the few songs written in the original sessions in 2009 to make it onto the album: “Gerard had even returned to the idea of telling stories, on a song called ‘Trans Am’, one that would later morph into ‘Bulletproof Heart’ on the Danger Days album. It was a story about a boy in a Judas Priest T-shirt called Johnny and a girl called Jenny – and suggested that Gerard wasn’t entirely convinced by his own ploy of simply delivering straight-ahead rock ’n’ roll songs without a plotline. ‘It’s a fictional, metaphorical song really, but one about leaving home and running away – about doing whatever you can to run away,’ said Gerard. ‘Because that’s the point of starting a band – you get in the van to run away’” (The True Lives of My Chemical Romance, 228).

Sing - admittedly, this is one of my least favorite MCR songs, the whole thing, especially the chorus, feels pretty generic and bland, both musically and lyrically, and I think it being very early in the album and a single contributed to my initial disappointment with Danger Days, that being said, I do actually love the intro and the very end with the looping melody on the keyboard and the synths in the background, it creates an interesting mood, which I think is part of why the chorus is so dissatisfying, and the bridge (2:31-3:05) has really grown on me. Additionally the music video is really cool and builds on the Na Na Na video in an interesting way. The lighting during the shootout is really beautiful and visually striking, and the part when Fun Ghoul closes the door with him still inside so the others can escape still gets to me. It truly is a shame they never made a third video. (Also, Gerard continuing the theme of having Grant Morrison stare intensely into his eyes while physically restraining him (3:23) is...interesting.)

Planetary - one of the most fun songs MCR ever wrote, incredible energy, especially live, some of my favorite lyrics from danger days, they really get to the heart of what the band was so angry about, I love the line “Fame is now injectable” so much, this song really embodies the spirit of Danger Days to me, infectious in-your-face fun combined with real anger and biting commentary, and it all blends together perfectly in planetary, I also really like how the ends of some lines are emphasized (“go home” at 1:44, 2:42, 2:50), and the lyric “This is a letter / my word is the beretta / the sound of my vendetta / against the ones who planned it” goes so hard. “‘Planetary (GO!)’ was an example of the roll they were on, and also evidence of the fact they felt able to push boundaries again. It was the sort of song that My Chemical Romance had been hoping to write for years – a dance-punk song. One night, it just popped out. ‘That was really fucking crazy for us,’ said Ray. ‘It was late at night and Gerard heard the hook. I wanted a four-on-the-floor kick and we wanted to do a dance thing, but we wanted it to fucking shred and we wanted to make it ours. That song is the epitome of not having any rules. That’s one of those songs where you think “Fuck it, who cares?” And as long as you make it great, and it comes from the right place, then it’s going to be awesome. That was the song where we thought, “Let’s really go for it, fuck it. Let’s use keyboards because they’re really aggressive.” They can be louder than guitars could imagine being.’ And when it was done, they were stunned. ‘We were like, “Wow! We made a fucking dance song. But it’s a dance song with a vendetta,”’ said Gerard. ‘We’d never heard a dance song like that. The way everyone was playing so hard, and the way the lyrics had such a vendetta, we’d never heard anything like that. Nobody could do that song but us’” (The True Lives of My Chemical Romance, 242-243).

The Only Hope - one of my early favorites when first listening to Danger Days, I really like how they used the synths in this one, my favorite parts are the builds at 2:41-3:10 and 3:41-4:13, the layering works so well, I also love the echo on Gerard’s voice in the intro (0:15-0:29) and at the end (4:12-4:30), combined with the synths it has this spacey futuristic vibe that I adore, and the lyrics tie in with the apocalyptic dystopia aspect of the concept in a really beautiful and emotional way, the repetition of “Remember me” at the beginning and the end is haunting

Traffic Report - another great showcase of Danger Days’ really fun slang, though I don’t like it as much as Look Alive Sunshine and I don’t have it on my MCR playlist because I don’t like the interruption when listening to the album

Party Poison - I’ve never really been able to get into this song, not sure why, something about it just doesn’t work for me, I just feel very indifferent towards it, though I do like the kind of jet-like sound at the end (3:21-3:29). Fun fact, Party Poison was originally written for the scrapped record and was named Death Before Disco (The True Lives of My Chemical Romance, 228).

[aztrareia]

I don’t have a working title for this, the original post was obliterated by my shitty internet, but I have a keyboard. So let’s re-type everything I rambled about.

The original draft, as usual, was made in traditional media. But I kept doing lots of erasures and one hour has since passed so I decided to go with the digital render

Designing the outfit is definitely one of the hardest parts (as well as getting the eyes right). This one really needed that digital help so I don’t end up erasing a hole though my paper, or just mangling the page too much that every pencil stroke becomes a blur. These are also in different colors so I don’t end up mixing up the body drafts with the outfit and confuse myself. There’s so much details… but I love it.

The lineart so far! Definitely trying out a different thing with linearts this time? I usually really like really faint or really clean lines. But during my hiatus I found other artist lineart styles and I wanted to try it! So much textures and personality to it, I think. Please pray for me and my neatfreak eyes that I don’t give up on it midway? Please?

The draft layers—too much for me to count. But I do plan to lessen that main lineart layer so I have more space to work when it comes to the coloring stages.

Finally!! My new artbooks should arrive today if everything goes well. These new ones are more centered on realistic figures and other stuff I didn’t really study because—I’m not an art student? Most of these I can do right now have been self-taught so it’s mostly female figures (for designing purposes) and yes, I can’t draw males for shet, even if I wanted to. Either the torso becomes too short, or too narrow. But don’t put too much pressure on me if the book even tackles it or nah! I’m really just happy to be able to improve on the one thing I love to do, and I prefer to do that on my own comfortable pace. Kudos to you if you read my long ramble! And have a nice day, I hope. A marginally better day, if it’s not been good to you so far.

This song definitely helped me with most of the draft layers. Kalafina is definitely that one artist/group I go to when I need that boost in imagination. Their music really just brings me to places—or at least distracts me enough that I’m able to aimlessly draw details and patterns.

I love them so much. “

Serenato” is definitely that one song that made me become a fan of them, even though my friend introduced me to them with the song, “Oblivious.”

The album [Seventh Heaven] is a whole gem though! Definitely a favorite among all my favorites. Alright, enough of me rambling—

Kudos to you if you read any of this? I hope you have a nice day ahead of you, or a marginally better one if it wasn’t doing so good.

[megankeely]

I wrote Old Companion in December 2021, during the first months of a cleansing effort to rewire my relationship with alcohol.  I’d noticed that over the course of 2020 and 2021, my habits around alcohol had gradually changed. By the end of 2021 I rarely went a day without having at least a beer or glass of wine.  Common story.

When I began to feel I wanted alcohol to be less present in my life, it didn’t really seem like an option in our alcohol-obsessed society, particularly amidst our alcohol-obsessed entertainment industry.  I feared I’d be judged, left out, or perceived as “less fun.”  Approaching my 36th birthday, I decided to take a break from alcohol full stop.  Despite societal pressures and expecations that made it seem difficult, no one was actually stopping me but me.  I first decided to try a month, and when that went well I decided to go for 6 months.  I liked the clarity I’d gained, and eventually decided to do a Dry 2022. 

It wasn't easy at first, but I am certain that the decision to take a break from alcohol was a crucial step towards making this record.  I replaced one companion that had taken over and claimed a prominent role in my social routines and habits (beer/wine) with the tried and true companions that had kept me company for years (writing, recording music, hiking).  The first few weeks, I replaced my happy hour glass of wine with a glass of cranberry juice.  I swapped my beer/cider cravings with a crisp sliced apple.  I brought a canister of hot tea to shows and social events.  I realized that I’d learned to lean on alcohol during times when I felt socially anxious, awkward, shy, or just not in the mood to be social.  So now in this shifted reality, instead of forcing myself to be social and charismatic when I wasn’t in the mood, I simply went home and went to bed early (easier said than done).  To my surprise, I found I had more energy to be present with people when I was choosing to do so, and didn’t need alcohol to bring me into the moment.  When I wrote Old Companion and eventually performed it for the first time, the taboo and secrecy around this struggle evaporated. 

I wasn’t sure if I’d ever play the song because I didn’t want people to see me differently, to think of me as someone labeled by a struggle with alcohol, or to assume I’d hit some horrible rock bottom of alcohol dependancy.  In truth, I am just like the millions of other people whose relationship with alcohol gradually changed over time, beginning in social settings that are centered around alcohol, anchoring around duties and rituals as a musician being asked to entertain, and eventually creeping into day to day life, end of day routines, and invisible habits that go unnoticed.  I had zero interest in sipping a cup of tea, I remember thinking “What’s the point?”  I’d go for a hot toddy, but not a mug of tea alone.  But when I allowed my brain to unwire from the impulse of “just add alcohol” to make things fun or relaxing or better, then and only then did the actual finer things in life become even finer.  A walk in the park or a quiet moment sipping tea while looking out the window – alcohol used to claim credit for making these kinds of moments feel like a "treat," but it turns out they are nice in and of themselves once alcohol’s no longer taking center stage.  There are so many activities that I used to associate with a bottle of beer or glass of wine - cleaning the kitchen on a Sunday evening, cooking dinner, hanging out with family and friends… but once I did those activities a few times without alcohol, I got a whole new glimpse into what my life could feel like.  

People sometimes ask me if/when I’ll start drinking again.  At times it bothers me because it makes me feel like they prefer me drinking, that it makes them uncomfortable when I don’t drink, or that they feel they can’t trust me if I’m not drinking with them.  There’s a lot of bonding that happens when people are drinking together, but I’ve realized that the bonding that happens without alcohol as a crutch is just as rewarding if not more so.  I can’t tell you how much energy I’ve spent this year trying to make sure that my choice to not drink isn’t making other people feel uncomfortable or judged.  I’m not judging anyone for their drinking, and yet I feel immensely judged for my choice to not drink.  Who knows how long I’ll continue this break, if I’ll continue past 2022 or go back to social drinking on occasion.  I don’t know, and I don’t really need to know right now.  All I know is that writing this song was a big step in the right direction for me.

► Share Old Companion:

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Old Companion Six months from now Will I be free From this conflicted part of me

After a year Will I have a new way To relax my mind at the end of the day

Without my dear old companion Who soothed me all these years

I had a feeling That started to grow Til I pushed it down too far below

But while I still can I just have to try Before all my chances pass me by

Without my dear old companion Who soothed me all these years

Before the show, and after too To pass the time, to start a new To make it feel magic, to make it feel true To turn off my mind, to just make it through To just make it through Without my dear old companion Who soothed me all these years

[enchantinglyjade]

Milk & Honey - Ch. 3

Elvis Presley x Black!OC

Masterlist

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Summary: Many months have passed since Honey last saw Elvis, but she doesn’t let that bring her down and gets herself a date.

Warning: Swearing

Song: Earth Angel by The Penguins

-

Eight months had passed since I’d seen Elvis. Not one call, not one stop by the club, no one coming in and asking about me for him, nothing. I have no idea what he’s up to, where he is, who he’s with, if he’s even alive. This is, until I heard these girls down by the park listening to the radio.

I knew that voice sounded too familiar, but I didn’t want to believe it. Then the broadcaster said his damn name.

Before I knew it, he was everywhere.

Tonight, I’m back at work, finally just got everyone out so I could start cleaning. We decided to turn on the radio while we close down the bar and guess who started playing.

I let out a frustrated huff, putting down my rag to turn the station, before going back to scrub the counter. Some boys earlier got into a fit, started throwing bottles of anything everywhere. Now the whole place is covered in a layer of stick.

King was another person I hadn’t seen in a while. He’s usually out of town though, from what I’d hear. He’s always working on that next song. But Elvis… I tried coming up with every possible excuse for Elvis’ absence but none were enough to ease the ache I felt in my heart. 

History repeats itself, I guess. Should’ve known better.

“I’m gonna bring all this glass outside, alright?” I nod to Vickie as she handles the large, black trash bags, struggling to get them out the door and downstairs. 

Vickie’s our new hire as of a month ago. Said they needed more help around here since our numbers started going up. She and I had grown pretty close in the short amount of time she’s worked here, often talking on our way home for work, seeing as neither of us had cars and had to walk home. She has a very fun and carefree spirit, something I need in times like these.

The radio begins playing a new song.

‘Earth angel, earth angel

Will you be mine?’

Growing up, I was always around Elvis and his mom, so I never saw our difference in skin tone to be an issue, not to mention my own background. It was normal to me, still is. Ma tried protecting me from how the world views people like me. She never wanted to tell me how badly her and daddy were treated, but silently hoped I wouldn’t follow in her footsteps. Of course, I knew there were tensions between the races, but I always had hope and believed a change was on the horizon. You can see how becoming an adult was a large adjustment for me. Reality found many ways to crush me over the years, but this was by far the worst it’s felt.

He doesn't have time for a girl like me. He can’t be with a girl like me. That’s probably why he ran all those years back. No real relationship could ever form between us, no matter how badly we–... I wanted it.

I’m a fool for getting my hopes up, for thinking things could be different… for thinking he could be different.

“My darling dear

Love you all the time”

I sing along.

Got a taste and ran. I tried telling myself not to be upset about it, that it was my fault for allowing it, that society wouldn’t approve of it anyway, and that I should just be happy anything happened at all, but it never helped.

“I’m just a fool

A fool in love with you”

“Girl, I didn’t know you could sing!” 

With widened eyes, I raise my gaze towards the entrance where Vickie and Sunbeam now stand. She runs towards me with her jaw hanging in shock. “Oh, Sunbeam!” She takes my arm. “You gotta let her sing sometime.”

I look back and forth between them, confused and surprised by their sudden appearance.

Sunbeam laughs, “You do have a unique voice, Honey, I admit. ‘Sides, who am I to stop money when it comes a callin’. Say, one of my singers just canceled last night. I got an opening spot on Saturday, if you’re interested.”

“I-”

She’d love to!” Vickie blurts out.

He claps his hands together. “Good. I’ll make a note. You better have somethin’ good planned out.” He warns with a smile, but I sense nervousness in his eyes. Vickie stands while Sunbeam takes his leave, before turning to me with a grin.

My eyes widen at her once he exits. “Vickie, I can’t do this!”

She rolls her eyes. “Yes, you can! Your voice is good! I’ll help you figure out something. Okay?”

I pause, considering her words and realizing she likely won’t let me out of this. “Okay… But what do I wear?”

“Just put on somethin’ cute.” She states obviously, gathering her belongings. I sigh quietly while I think to myself. I didn’t own anything ‘cute’, and I definitely don’t have money for something new.  While I’m distracted, Vickie grabs her coat, throwing it over her shoulders. “I’m sure you got something. I promise I’ll help you with a setlist, but I gotta get home before my mama notices. Thanks for cleanin’ the rest! Bye!” Then, she quickly scoots out the door before I can saying anything.

I roll my eyes, but can’t help a smile.

I finish wiping the remaining counters, then hang the rag to dry. I turn off the last light and make my way downstairs and outside to finally lock up.

I pace the sidewalk, turning the corner from the club to follow the street towards my house, my heels clicking awfully loud against the pavement in the otherwise dead city.

Oh my God. I’m gonna sing on Saturday. I’m actually going to sing at Club Handy!

I bite my lip to suppress a large grin from forming on my face, as realization begins to settle in me.

My heart races just at the thought. Could this finally be it for me? What if everything changes after this? Oh, I could finally get a nice house for Ma and I, one with a big wrap-around porch like she always wanted and space for a nice garden. I’d pull in crowds from across the states to watch me perform. I could get a car, dresses, jewelry.

My smiles only grows and I feel a childish-like, giddy feeling flutter into my heart. I skip softly along the sidewalk, slowly dancing around the different cracks in the pavement. I get the beat of that song back in my head, deciding practice should start as soon as possible.

“Earth angel, earth angel

The one I adore”

My voice echoes into the darkness as I pass my neighborhood park, eyeing a basketball one of the kids had forgotten on the court. I smile, letting my body move in anyway it sees fit.

“Love you forever and ever more

I’m just a fool

A fool in love wi-”

I spin around when I hear a sound behind me, only to come face to face with a stranger. I jump, staying quiet while I analyze him and his intentions.

He chuckles. “You sing mighty fine, lil lady.” He says with a smile.

I inspect the area around us, stiffly looking back at him. “Thank you, sir.”

He raises his hand out for me. “Please, call me Michael.” As I’m about to reach my hand out, the name ‘Michael’ causes me to halt my movement. Michael? I eye him suspiciously. Michael?? He laughs at my narrowed eyes. “It’s good to see you again, Honey.” He replies without falter.

I move back a step, stunned he blurted out my name like that. I take one last closer look. It couldn’t be. “Michael?!”

“Yeah, it’s me.” He says with a chuckle in his voice. “ How have you been? It’s been a while.” He keeps a relaxed composure as he smiles down at me.

“How did you recognize me?” I ask, still not entirely comfortable yet. Better yet, how did he know I was here?

“No one forgets someone like you. I know those eyes anywhere.” He smiles softly. “You look really beautiful.”

I look down at myself with a raise eyebrow. “Really…? I’m just in my work uniform…”

 “And what a beautiful work uniform it is.” He laughs, before shyly adding. “I’d really like to talk with you more. Would you mind if I walked you home? I hear these parts aren’t the safest, ‘specially for cute little things like you.”

I know he has good intentions, but something about the way he says those last words makes my stomach fuzzy, and not in a good way. Having that said, he is right. Memphis does have a bad rep, and while I have yet to really see anything, I’m not one to sit around to find the truth in these matters.

I sigh. “Yeah, sure.” I lead him in the direction I was previously going, swinging my arms in and out while trying to think of a conversation starter. “So… what brings you to Tennessee? I thought your family moved  up to Chi-Town?”

“We did. I’m actually down here looking for musicians. I’m a scout at Vee-Jay Records, if you ever heard of ‘em. Wanted to see what’s good in Blues. Heard y’all got a little music scene down here and came to check it out. Maybe even find someone new to sign.” He shrugs his shoulders at the suggestion.

I raise my brows, impressed. He’s accomplished a lot since we’ve last spoken. Unlike me. I’m still out here taking care of Ma, still in an old, dirty house, barely scraping by. “Wow. Got quite a life or yourself now, huh?”

He chuckles. “Yeah, it treats me well.” He says, adjusting his suit jacket, which looks very expensive now that we’re on the subject of money.

I stop at the edge of my sidewalk. “Well, this is it,” I say, pointing in the general direction of my home. “Thanks for walking me home, Michael. It was nice seeing you again. Good luck on the whole record deal thing.” I say with a smile, turning around to walk towards my doorstep, but he grabs my wrist before I get too far.

“Wait!” I face him once more and he lets go apologetically. “Look, uh… if you don’t mind that is, I’d like to take you out sometime. I’m only here ‘til next week and I’d love to hear more about what you’ve been up to. Would I be able to bring you out to eat tomorrow? It’d be my honor.” He waits with soft eyes for my answer.

I look up at him, in an internal conflict. He really is a sweet guy and I’ve known him forever. He clearly works hard, respectful, clean, the whole thing. But… something just wasn’t there. The feelings weren’t there. Maybe, I’m just being childish and rebellious still. Maybe it’d be good for me to be with a stable man with money that treats me well. I know it’d make Mama proud. I’m sure I’ll change my mind on him eventually and realize he’s been the man of my dreams all along. Right?

I force a smile. “Sure, I’d like that.”

He flashes me the biggest grin, teeth shining in the street light. He looks down at his feet, flustered. “Well, that’s great. I’ll swing back here around seven. Sound good?”

I nod, shyly swaying in my spot. “Yeah, that’s good.” I wave him goodnight, giving him a playful smile, before entering my front door. Once the door’s closed, I rest my head upon it with a groan.

“Who was that?”

I jump. “Jesus, Ma. What are you doin up?” I relax my shoulders and put a hand on my chest to feel my beating heart after her scare.

She rests her hands on her hip as she watches me hang up my purse from the top of the stairs. “Worrin’ bout you. You didn’t come home at your usual time. Now, who was that?”

My face softens. I didn’t mean to make her worry. “That was Michael. You know, from back home.”

She smiles slightly, making her way down the remaining stairs. “Oh, I remember Michael. Such a sweet thing. What’s he doin all the way out here? Thought his folks were all the way out in Chicago?”

I smile, helping her down the last stair. “They did. He’s looking for a new musician. He’s a scout at a record company.”

“It look like that job do him well too.” She comments, peeking out the blinds on the window to watch him walk back towards the city. “He was smilin’ at’cha.” She teases.

“Ma!” My eyes widen, not expecting her to say that.

“What? Ain’t nothin’ wrong with that. He a good man, and grew into a fine one at that.” She says flirtatiously, cackling her way to the kitchen.

“Oh my Lord, Ma.” I cover my eyes with my hands to hide my blush, before dragging them down my face. “Okay, I’ve heard enough of this. I’m going to sleep.”

She laughs. “Alright, you get on up there. I do really wish you’d stop working that night shift though, baby. I hate knowing you’re out there walkin’ alone so late.”

I sigh, stopping on the steps. “Ma, don’t think that way, I’ll be fine. Goodnight.” I smile down at her.

“Goodnight, baby.”

.

.

.

- Tag List -

@chouetteschaussettes @il-giardino @theliterarybeldam @anangelwhodidntfall @mirandastuckinthe80s @queenslandlover-93 @tearupmyhead​

[apollostears]

SEASONS GREETINGS’ FROM THE NANAMI’s [ jjk ]

↬︎ anime: jujutsu kaisen

↬︎ featuring: gojo, nanami, toji, choso, and geto

↬︎ warning(s): swearing

PLOT. first time spending christmas with the boys and there’s debate on the christmas cards. apart of the college!jjk series.

ADVISORY. reader is black and female unless stated otherwise.

college series

➟︎ christmas with the boys was really…something

➟︎ immediately after thanksgiving, gojo was already singing christmas songs and you couldn’t really be mad at him bc at least he waited til after thanksgiving. but if he woke y’all up w another mariah carey rendition of “all i want for christmas” ONE MORE TIME!

➟︎ choso was really excited about doing christmas cards OMG! you had never seen a grown man so excited in your life.

[ until toji had to be a mood killer and tell you that it was bc choso was adopted and never got to do any of this stuff ]

➟︎ anywaysss so y’all let choso pick the color scheme for the pictures and left him in charge of that.

➟︎ nanami’s bougie ass took y’all to an actual christmas tree farm to pick the tree bc he refused to get it from some hardware store or from one of geto’s sleazy friends.

➟︎ speaking of geto, he helped orchestrate y’all’s annual ‘guess the christmas present’ game. really it was a way for him to figure out if toji tried to prank him.

➟︎ you and choso went shopping for matching christmas pj’s and gojo was v upset that y’all did not get him the outfit with an ass cutout.

➟︎ nanami does NOT do black friday shopping or cyber monday. he says those sales are all scams and that he can help you guys find those items at a way cheaper price.

➟︎ meanwhile, gojo’s life motto is if you can’t afford it at full price then you’re too poor to deserve it. yeaaa he’s got a warped sense of reality. BUT that’s why he’s always willing to buy your stuff for you :)

➟︎ one of choso’s photography friends took y’all’s ‘family’ pictures and when the time came to choose what goes on it, there was debate on who’s last name y’all would take.

“obviously it should be mine. i’m the one that booked the whole thing.” choso argues, coming to sit at the table while you all wait for nanami to feed y’all.

toji rolled his eyes. “when hell freezes over will i ever associate myself with you.”

“but you live with him?” gojo questioned, getting off the phone with one of his many side pieces.

this had been going on for hours now. ever since choso’s photography plug asked what the greeting would be, there’s been a disagreement in your household. you had already said you did not want your last name plastered on cards you’d give to family.

“why don’t we just use kento’s last name.” geto casually suggested, helping nanami bring food out to the table.

“oh hell yes! ‘seasons greetings from the nanami’s!’ oh my god i sound like such a rich housewife!!” you gushed, fantasizing about how jealous your relatives would be, “choso, how quickly can your friend get this printed?!”

choso looked at you with wide eyes, surprised at your sudden outburst. “uh by the end of the week.”

“who says i’m ok with this?” nanami’s voice had came from behind you, moving to his seat at the head of the table.

toji snorted, “dude, your seat is literally at the head of the table, you cook and clean, AND you’re the most sensible out of all of us.”

nanami watched as the rest of you chimed in with your own comments in agreement. y’all were basically nanami’s kids at this point.

“i’m so going to regret this.”

➟︎ hate to say it but nanami definitely did end up regretting it.

➟︎ the christmas card was only the beginning

➟︎ soon, geto had bought a wreath with an ‘N’ on it

➟︎ gojo had bought one of those ‘established in’ signs saying ‘the nanami family, established in 2021’

➟︎ you and toji had even changed all the magazine subscriptions to say ‘nanami household’ on the address line.

➟︎ by the end of christmas, y’all were now known as the nanami family on the top floor.

➟︎ now, you guys definitely did christmas stockings and opened up a present on christmas eve

➟︎ how the grinch stole christmas is toji’s favorite movie. home alone is gojo’s. the nightmare before christmas is geto’s. choso cries at the ghost of christmas past. nanami is a sucker for all the hallmark christmas movies and the elf movie. and you absolutely love the polar express.

➟︎ all of you love watching the charlie brown and rudolph the red nose reindeer movies.

➟︎ hiding christmas gifts from them is an extreme sport.

➟︎ ALL of them are nosey af. every time a package came, it would be like the cornucopia scene in the hunger games movies. like you deadass fighting for your life to get to your room.

➟︎ toji does hella last minute shopping and then becomes extra grumpy w everyone bc he’s stressed about finding gifts.

➟︎ you, geto, and nanami are the firsts to have your gifts for everyone under the tree.

➟︎ choso doesn’t bother putting who his gifts are from bc everyone knows they’re from him bc poor baby can’t wrap for shit.

➟︎ gojo can wrap disgustingly well and it honestly pisses you off bc just when that motherfucker thought he couldn’t get more perfect, here comes gift wrapping.

➟︎ lmaoooo geto definitely put coal in gojo’s stocking the night before

➟︎ y’all tried to peacefully make gingerbread houses, but then it ended up with you guys split into teams and everyone aggressively making gingerbread christmas villages.

➟︎ it didn’t really matter bc no one thought to refrigerate them so the icing melted over night.

➟︎ on christmas morning, nanami’s up first with choso being last.

➟︎ you got on this bougie ass robe, a matching one with geto, sipping on a hot beverage as you watch like a proud mom, as gojo opens up a gift you specifically told him you weren’t going to get him.

➟︎ toji got stuck with recording, which never ends well bc he always gotta open his big mouth to comment something so all y’all here in the video is “who thought it was a good idea to get this dumbass a bb gun?”

➟︎ everyone cleans up afterwards. but totally not because nanami was standing with the meanest look on his face, threatening to whoop all of y’all if you didn’t clean up the living room.

➟︎ christmas is easily the happiest time of the year for the six of you.

NOTE. this was a request but there wasn’t anything besides another part in the college series, so this is what i came up with! thank you to whomever requested this!

↬︎ join the taglist: @rubinocore @nyxeclipse @sweeneyblue1 @knjkitten @namjoonswifeyy @sunrayyellowhalo @pimpnameyannie @brownmochi @mae-avenue @gabzlovesu

[zendayacs]

Close 2 U

A/N: This is a very soft one shot. If you want to, I listened to Close 2 U by Raveena and Want U Around by Omar Apollo and Ruel while writing this fic. I also want to give a big shout out to @palestxrlight and @your-wonderful-stargazer who both helped me edit and write this fic. 

Pairing(s): Matt Murdock x gn!reader

Warnings: Slight angst and kissing. No use of Y/N

Word count: ~1.3k

Read on AO3

Today had been deemed a lazy day, both of you had gotten off of work early and decided to make the most of it by doing absolutely nothing. Matt and Foggy had been working all week on a case that they were getting absolutely nowhere with. Karen had all but kicked them out of the office, claiming that fresh minds would help them better than trying to sit and force out a coherent thought. Foggy was currently nursing a beer at Josie’s while Matt had decided to come over to your apartment, where he was now drinking a beer and listening to you clean the small mess from dinner. He had insisted on helping you but you pushed him back down stating that you were ‘letting him off the knob’ for tonight and he should just focus on relaxing. 

“Sweetheart I think you meant to say, ‘let me off the hook.’ How you always manage to mix up expressions is beyond me.” You don’t respond, instead drying the last dish and putting it up before drinking the last bit of your wine.  

“Just dance with me instead,” You laughed, setting your empty glass of wine on the table and stepping over to the couch where Matt was currently sitting. You took the beer bottle he held in his hands and placed it on the coffee table holding out your hands to grab onto his. You gently pulled at his arm and he stood, a small but consistently growing smile set on his face. 

“Alright, but you can’t get mad if I step on your feet.” He chuckled and it was your turn to smile as you rolled your eyes. 

“Like you would ever. I know your secret Matthew Murdock.” You retorted while taking his hands in yours and walking backwards toward the center of your apartment.

“And what secret would that be?” He raised an eyebrow. 

“Well for starters, I know that you disappear in the middle of the night to do the devil’s tango...with the devil.” You said as you slipped out of Matt’s arms to set up your phone on the speaker when he suddenly burst out into laughter. You turned around to look at him, crossing your arms and sending a questioning huff towards him. 

“We really need to work on your expressions. That…does not mean what you think it does.” He smiles again, his whole face lighting up as he walks forward and grabs for you, holding your waist while you send him a questioning look. He takes your silence as a chance to move on, biting his lip for a second before speaking. 

“You just implied that I was going out every night to have sex,” he paused, dramatically bracing himself for your response, “with myself.”

And just like he expected, you lightly smacked him on the chest. 

He couldn’t help laughing again while you placed your forehead in the same spot you slapped him, scowling into him the best you could. He brought his hands around you, trapping you in his strong hold as both of you giggled. Matt was so warm and comforting that there was no use even  trying to pretend to be mad at him, especially while he was whispering sweet nothings into your ear. Your face warmed under the fluorescent lights in your apartment as you grinned. This was the man that you wanted to spend a thousand forevers with, the man you would follow anywhere and do anything for. He was yours and you couldn’t help but thank the night sky for blessing you with him. You stayed in his arms for a while, finding a comfortable rhythm and softly swaying to it.

 Matt furrowed his eyebrows when you decided to pull away from him, searching for your waist so he could guide you back into his chest. You stopped him instead, deciding to bring his left arm to hang onto your shoulder and pulling his right hand to clasp yours. You waited for the beats in the song to match up before stepping forward into the beginning of a simple box step. Matt let you lead as you danced around the apartment, later picking up the pattern and taking over. 

The day faded into night as you two danced, getting lost in both the music and each other. Matt led you around the room, squeezing your hand with every turn, leaning into you and holding you closer than he needed to. His eyes were closed and you could tell from the tilt of his head that he was listening–either to your heartbeat or the sounds of the city you couldn’t tell–but you’ve never seen Matt look more at peace. He leaned down, his mouth barely brushing over your own as he whispered ‘I love you’ softly before connecting his lips to yours. You sighed into the kiss and he deepened it, slipping his tongue into your mouth. Matt tended to kiss you as if it were the last time he could ever do so. He had always been so passionate when it came to how he treated you and his kisses were no different. His hand came to rest on your neck as he deepened the kiss even more, using his other hand that now rested on your lower back to pull you impossibly closer to him. You sighed into the action and buried your hands into his hair, relishing in the sound of relief that slipped from his mouth.  

Eventually, you both got tired and switched to a more comforting position with Matt’s hands drifting downwards to hold onto your waist and your arms coming to wrap around his neck. The amount of content you felt in this moment was nothing short of sweet bliss and you found yourself wishing that you could stop time and just stay here forever. You leaned forward so that you could rest your head onto his chest and he sighed, letting his hands rub circles into your skin. 

“I wish we could stay like this forever,” You whispered ever so lightly into his chest. Matt softly chuckled and you could feel the rumble of his chest clearly as he began to speak. 

“I wish we could too. What time is it?” You lifted your head up and squinted at the clock hanging above the dining table. 

“It’s a little past nine now. Do you have to go?” You glanced up at the man, voice raising slightly. His glasses had long been forgotten and his eyes darted around the room, head tilting towards you as he spoke. 

“Sweetheart, this has been a really nice night. Let’s not do this right now. You know I owe it to this city. I need to keep both you and Hell’s kitchen safe.” He said, pulling away from you and grabbing the beer bottle from the coffee table and chugging the last quarter of it. He sighed, then walked back over to you and kissed your forehead, lingering there for a second, wanting to say something else. He could feel the scowl on your face loosen slightly with the gesture and he offered you a warm smile as he grabbed and squeezed your hand. He let go, slipping his red frames onto his face as he walked towards your front door, pausing to also grab his jacket and cane from the coat hook. You sighed, your face morphing into one filled with intense longing. Matt’s hand was on the front door and he paused, waiting for you to say something. You breathed in, torn between not speaking and not wanting to let him leave without expressing your feelings. You decided to choose the latter, stepping towards him and grabbing onto his arm, pulling him back into you and capturing his lips in one last bruising kiss. You leaned your forehead against his and he breathed with you for a second, his free hand lightly gripping the base of your neck. 

“I love you,” he whispered, dipping his head down and breathing in, almost as if he was memorizing the way you smell. He let go, turning around and placing his hand on the doorknob. You watched him walk out the door and you released the breath you didn’t realize you had been holding.

[omg-imagine]

Distraction

Pairing: Johnny Silverhand x female!V

Summary: Johnny distracts V the best way he knows how.

Words: 3.1k

Warnings: language, smut (oral + rough sex, choking)

A/N: Please don’t mind the weak plot, this was just an excuse to write p*rn featuring the only character I want to romance in the game but can’t. Also, for the sake of this fic, let’s just say he can touch V and vice versa :)) Hope you enjoy!

V was pissed.

No, she was beyond pissed.

And when V’s beyond pissed, she’s sure to let the whole fucking world know.

“Tone it down, princess,” Johnny cuts in once he’s heard enough of her long-winded rant.

V stops her relentless pacing around the apartment and shoots a menacing glare towards the rocker.

“I warned you not to take that job from the start. Now, look at you, bruised up from head to toe, and cheated out of your eddies.”

“That son of a bitch promised me half the cut,” V recalls bitterly, her chest heaving from the fierce anger spreading all throughout. “I’m gonna make sure Cruz regrets asking me for help.”

The merc stalks off to her stash, muttering low under her breath how she plans on raising hell the next time she crosses paths with him. As V polishes her guns (something she typically does to calm herself), Johnny approaches the small room to the side with the same cocky attitude that would surely piss her off even more.

He can’t help himself at times; he sure does love pushing V’s buttons.

“You done whining or what?”

Rolling her eyes, V turns her head to see Johnny standing there as he takes a drag on his cigarette. Normally, she doesn’t mind him smoking around her, but after an exhausting night where things didn’t work out in her favor, she was quickly reaching her boiling point. “You better clean up all that ash on the floor when you’re done.”

“Since when did you start caring about this shithole of an apartment being neat?” Johnny comments, more so as a tease, and this earns him another scowl. “Don’t waste your energy on Cruz. He’ll get what’s coming to him.”

“Didn’t know you believed in karma,” V adds, narrowing her eyes.

Devilishly, he smirks at her, tossing the cigarette butt to the floor then crushing it with his shoe. “Hon, there’s a lot of things you still don’t know about me.”

“Yeah,” she agrees before brushing past Johnny. “I’m heading out.”

His figure glitches momentarily, reminding V that he was nothing but a ghost residing in her mind, despite how real he feels. Even if she wants to leave this “shithole of an apartment” for some semblance of peace and quiet, she knows Johnny will only follow. He’s tethered to her for what could possibly be the rest of her life.

And yet, no matter how big of an asshole Silverhand was, she’s grown fond of his presence.

Not that she would mention it out loud. Ever.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“Out,” V simply states, wondering what the point in Johnny asking her that question when he could easily find it out for himself was.

It’s truly unfair how he can read her thoughts, but she can’t read any of his.

He chuckles low. “Gon’ pay a joy toy to fuck tonight?”

“No, I’m going out for a drive, distract myself from that shitshow earlier. You better leave me alone.”

“Well, I’m a little insulted,” Johnny snorts, feigning offense. “I thought you liked my company.”

“I’m tired of your company. You never shut that mouth of yours.”

Before V could head to the door, she feels a metal hand encircling her wrist, holding her in place. She glances behind her, meeting Johnny’s deep, dark eyes, which hid a multitude of secrets. It’s been a while since she has felt a touch that wasn’t full of malice. Though his palm is cold from the material it’s made out of, a distinct heat spreads through her body—

It was a familiar warmth, one that radiates from V at his mere touch.

And when Johnny’s lips curl into a shit-eating grin, she knows that he has sensed it too.

“Shut my mouth? I think I can do something else much better than that.”

Johnny’s gravelly voice fuels the desire burning deep within V as he pulls her closer, her feet moving at their own accord. “God, I wish you came with an off-switch.”

“Don’t pretend you’re not enjoying this little game we’ve been playing.”

V doesn’t respond, her pulse quickening with anticipation. She lets out a shuddering moan when Johnny leans in, his hot breath grazing her silky skin before his lips crash against hers, possessively. He floods V’s senses all at once as he hungrily kisses her, letting him take the reins.

It would be a lie for V to say she’s never pictured a moment like this. A moment where she finally succumbs to Johnny’s charm and allows him to lay claim on her. It’s always been a constant dance between the two, a chemistry disguised as indifference, a craving left unspoken. Amidst the degrading insults and the snarky attitudes, deep down, they have always wanted the same thing—

To fuck each other’s brains out.

“Still tired of my company, V?”

“Just shut the fuck up for once and take off your pants.”

The grin on his face hasn’t disappeared. It only grows broader. “Ask, and you shall receive.”

Johnny roughly grabs V at the waist, his fingers curling underneath the hem of her shirt as he pushes her towards the bed. His mouth latches onto her neck, no doubt marking her for all of Night City to see.

They fell onto the mattress without finesse, similar to how V kisses Johnny feverishly, all tongue and teeth. Void of tenderness and only driven by the urgency of lust. She was too distracted by her want to care for the taste of tobacco from his last smoke. The hands traveling every inch of V’s frame lights up a fire in her, bringing a high that no drug on the black market could ever do.

Surprisingly, Johnny allows her to take the lead for a bit when she straddles him, his hardening cock pressing up against her aching cunt. She gages his reaction as she grinds on his clothed erection, a wicked smile forming to the sight of him being teased.

“You like that, huh? Fuck, I can’t wait to have you inside of me.” She feels herself growing wetter and wetter, losing patience just as swiftly as the man under her.

Without warning, Johnny flips them both over, the length of his body now pressed against hers from above. He wastes no time peeling V’s shirt and bra off, pausing for the briefest of seconds to admire her bare breasts. His cybernetic hand squeezes one soft mound as his lips descend on the other. She moans, and they were pure music to his ears, sounds that were so beautiful he could write endless songs about them.

“J-Johnny,” V stutters out his name, unable to contain herself anymore. She doesn’t remember the last time someone has quickly reduced her into a mess, and desperately she wanted, needed more.

The way his name trembles from her mouth drives Johnny into a frenzy, simpering at the fact he really hasn’t done much yet, but it was enough to leave V quivering. She looks too sinful beneath Johnny, too delectable. He’s well-aware of how long she’s gone without sex, and he’s now bent on ending that sad streak of hers.

Hastily, Johnny removes V’s pants and underwear in one quick go, his gaze devouring her beauty like a starved man staring at his meal. “Wow, you’re fucking drenched down there.”

“Fuck,” she gasps, one hand reaching forward to grip at his lengthy locks as soon as he delves in to taste her dripping nectar for the first time.

“You enjoying yourself there, baby?” Johnny’s inquiry needs no response. He could already tell she is solely by the way her eyes flutter shut, her head lolling to the side.

One lick. Two licks. Three. He surely knew how to work that deft tongue of his.

Johnny’s cock continues to throb in the confines of his trousers as his lips encircle V’s swollen bud, but he doesn’t end there. She wants more, and he’s willing to give her just that.

More.

V squirms when two chrome fingers enter her heat, stretching out her walls to prepare her for the serious pounding coming up. She’s lost in the sensations, unable to form a coherent thought or word. Johnny’s tempo was slow at first; tantalizing, nearly torturous. But once he starts moving faster, pumping even harder and reaching that sweet, sweet spot of hers, she begins to pant wildly as she fucks herself on his hand to get more friction.

“Holy shit, you’re a goddess,” he croaks after pulling back to study the needy woman looking back at him through half-lidded eyes. V is tight around his fingers, and he could only imagine how it would be like with his cock buried deep inside her instead.

Each rough stroke of Johnny’s digits against her wet walls brought V closer and closer to the brink of orgasm, her moans increasing in both volume and frequency. He urges her to let go, whispering into her ear how he wants to see and feel her coming. The gruffness in his tone turned her on even more, and V soon finds herself falling over the precipice, flushing hot with euphoria as Johnny watches, awestruck.

Satisfied, he beams at his work, which was only half of what he intends to do this evening. Being gracious, Johnny gives V an ample minute to recover, using the downtime to wipe the glistening wetness coating his beard before tasting the juices he’s collected.

Delicious, he thinks. She tastes as good as she looks.

V eventually comes back to her senses, propping herself up on her elbows as she gazes at Johnny with an almost dazed expression. “Perhaps the rumors are actually true.”

“Which one?” Silverhand asks, ridding himself of his clothes at the foot of her bed.

V pauses prior to answering, the sound of metal clinking filling the air as he unbuckles his belt, stripping off his leather pants afterwards.

“That you’re the best pussy eater in town,” she then reveals, glancing up briefly to see the smug look on his face before her gaze falls to his groin again.

Of course, Johnny chooses to go commando, and no, she wasn’t shocked at all.  

Silently, she marvels at the dick nestled in a thick bush of dark hair. Girthy and long with a slight curve upwards, the thought of it being inside her, barely fitting, made her mouth water. He wasn’t lying when he casually mentioned having an impressive cock.

It definitely did not disappoint.

“Oh sweetheart, that was nothing,” Johnny declares before climbing back on top of V, settling in between her legs. “The main act is just beginning.”

She doesn’t wait for Johnny to kiss her. In an instant, V’s lips were on his, her tongue pushing into his mouth, faintly tasting herself at the same time. Meanwhile, Johnny grips the base of his leaking cock, rubbing its engorged head against her slick folds that had her breathing heavily. V cants her hips impatiently, and through their kiss, he chuckles at her eagerness.

“So desperate for my cock, aren’t you?” Johnny husks mockingly. “How badly do you want me, slut? I wanna hear you say it.”

A moan escapes her throat at his words as he rubs his tip against her clit. V wants him so, so bad that she’s begging incessantly, something she never does in any of her past fucks. Usually, she was in complete control, never the one to relinquish her power.

Maybe that was the reason why V was utterly drunk with pleasure from this steamy session with Johnny. It’s good not to be in control for once.

“Shit, Johnny. Please, just fuck me already. Fill me up,” V pleads, now helpless at this point. She has to come again, this time around his cock. She repeats her keening over and over again, hoping that it was enough to feed into Johnny’s ego and finally show her mercy.

“Well, since you asked so nicely…”

Tugging at his cock, Johnny forces V’s legs to spread wider as she waits for him, mesmerized. Her pussy was soaked from his ministrations, but when he starts pushing into V, the burning stretch of her walls trying to accommodate his thick length leaves her in tears.

Those tears, however, weren’t entirely from the pain. V was also shedding tears because of how full Johnny makes her feel.

“Fucking hell, V,” he groans as she clamps down on him. “You’re so fucking tight. Damn, why didn’t we do this sooner?”

“We were too busy pretending to hate each other,” V replies, digging her nails into Johnny’s back when he begins to move.

His thrusts are slow but rough— as if he’s getting accustomed to the wondrous feeling of being inside of V. It doesn’t last long, though. Johnny has always been a hard and fast kind of guy, the one that does two or three more rounds before passing out. He’s bragged about his amazing stamina as well, and despite V believing she could match it, she probably won’t be able to tonight.

Not when he’s fucking her into the mattress like this for their very first time together.

Johnny’s brutal pace doesn’t falter. He pounds into V harder, faster, rougher; as if his life depends on it, the obscene sounds of flesh slapping against flesh bouncing off every corner of the room. His slick pre-come mixes with her honeyed essence, allowing him to seamlessly reach the depths of her center. Sweat drips down the side of his face as he maneuvers his mechanical hand to wrap around V’s delicate neck, adding pressure when she doesn’t resist.

“That’s it, baby,” Johnny growls next to her ear, rolling his hips as he squeezes her throat tighter. “You’re making me feel so good. I’ve always known you were a dirty whore.”

V’s gasping and thrashing, but she doesn’t want him to stop. She loves the rush of blood through her head far too much, especially with Johnny slamming harshly into her. It gives her a thrill she has never experienced with anyone else. Pretty sure he’s ruining her for others.

But whether this was part of his intentions or not, V doesn’t know. Nor she cares enough to figure it out.

“Fuck, you’re such a good girl for me, V. Look at you, taking all of my cock like the fucking slut you are. You’ve wanted this for a while, haven’t you? You practically dream about me every night, and don’t you deny it.”

She doesn’t. Johnny was right, though it doesn’t really matter at this very second. His hold on V loosens for her to speak, and she inhales as much air her lungs could possibly take. She could feel it again, the ultimate high she’s been chasing once more. Johnny’s shaft dragging against her pulsing walls brings her even closer to it, building up the pleasure rising in the pit of her stomach.

“I-I’m close,” V warns, the pressure inside her threatening to break free. “Shit, Johnny, I’m gonna come soon.”

Johnny’s hips jerked harder, causing V to cry out. “Yeah? You’re gonna come? Don’t worry, I’m gonna make sure you come on my cock.”

Halting, he drapes her left leg over his shoulder, allowing him to slide in deeper than he has before. Johnny then pushes his metallic thumb into V’s mouth, and without prompt, she swirls her tongue around it, coating it with her saliva. Not missing a beat, his movement resumes, all bruising and all punishing. He brings his wetted finger on her sensitive pearl, stroking it as if he’s playing his guitar on stage.

The change in angle proves to be the final straw for V, who’s litany of high-pitch moans spurs Johnny to fuck her even more forcefully. Again and again, she takes everything he gives her, and in turn, she encourages him to follow her into the abyss. Her pussy caresses his cock with every frantic push and pull, and she notices how he’s gradually picking up speed, losing his rhythm in the process.

“Your cunt belongs to mine now,” Johnny mutters, gritting his teeth, and it’s becoming clear to V that he’s holding back just for her. “Come on, V. Let go, let go for me.”

Lust-blown eyes lock with V’s own, wordlessly urging her one last time to come undone. Several sharp thrusts later, she finds herself clenching around Johnny’s cock, her orgasm shooting through her like a rain of bullets. Unabashedly, V shouts as her vision whitens, intense waves of ecstasy washing over her shaking body. She’s too absorbed in bliss to realize right away that Johnny was still in her, dick hard and ready for a similar release.

Once she finds her bearings, V grinds her hips against Johnny’s, and immediately, his nails dig into her as he begins to move inside her yet again.

“Don’t stop, Johnny,” she purrs, watching him fuck her with both fast and long strokes. “I want you to cum deep inside me, baby. Shit, I want it so badly. Please, give it to me. Please…”

With a strained moan, Johnny suddenly climaxes, snarling as he shoots searing ropes of his thick, creamy cum into V, painting her inner walls with white. His features contort with pleasure as he throws his head back, his breathing shallow and ragged. When his heart rate returns somewhat back to normal, he slowly pulls his softening cock out, smirking at the sight of his load dripping out of her.

Afterwards, he flops down beside V with a huff, joining her as she stares blankly up at the ceiling. Johnny clears his throat as he shifts closer to V, who instinctively rests her head on his chest. His cyber arm curls around her, and she sighs deeply, seemingly content.

“How about that for a fucking distraction?” He says, recalling how the two of them got here in the place. “Don’t even have to go on a ride to clear your mind. Feel free to ride me instead.”

V laughs at his jest. “It was a great fuck, the best one I’ve ever had if I’m honest. But I’m still going after Cruz.”

Johnny hums in response, seeing V’s weary eyes growing heavier. “Fine, but just to let you know, what happened between us isn’t a one-time thing.”

“Fuck, I hope not. You’re stuck with me till the end of the world, buddy.”

“It’s a good thing you have an amazing pussy then.”

V smacks him lightly as exhaustion begins to take over. Sure, she was still pissed she didn’t get her eddies, but at least now she knows the prick named Johnny Silverhand was surprisingly a cuddler.

And that piece of information was worth gold.

Permanent Tags:   @penwieldingdreamer @keandrews @feminine-machinegun @fanficsrusz @thehumanistsdiary @flaminasteroid @rowserein​ @unaspiringwritings​ @planetkt​ @breakthenight​ @baphometwolf666 @rdjloverxxx

[xoxo-teddybear]

He’s Lost - Bakugou Katsuki - Part 2

Bakugou x f!reader

Warnings: angst, slightest fluff, cursing, physical harm mentions, lowkey little yandere obsessive hints, smut, 18+, daddy kink, sad boi Bakugou    :(

BAKUGOU’S MASTERLIST

Summary: Bakugou’s been going through hell ever since the breakup. He’s been so lost without you. But he’s willing to do whatever it takes to win back his Teddy bear. Everything and anything for the love of his life.

*Everyone is of age for legal consent (which is 16 in Japan, if you are uncomfortable with it please move along, thx<3)*

A/N: Bakugou is a little OOC but the main thing in the beginning starts with fixing up Katsuki a little bit. So sorry if you don’t really enjoy it all that much<3

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

Melancholy music bounces off the walls of the dark room. The river of tears that flow down his once perfect porcelain skin is everlasting. As he lays in the soft bed, staring at the ceiling, he thinks about all he could’ve done better for you. In his hand, the same framed picture of you both that he’s held onto every night ever since the horrible incident. Y/N L/N. Like a song that’s stuck on loop. It’s the only thing that runs through his mind.

The door swiftly opens, and much to his disliking, a massive amount of light now enters the former den of manliness pit of depression.

To show his displeasure, Bakugou rolled himself in the blankets, covering his entire body in them and being the picture inside with him as well. With different circumstances, Y/N would’ve thought it was cute or adorable, but it wasn’t Y/N that opened the door.

“Really Bakubro?” The blonde’s best friend spoke.

Eijirou Kirishima. The best friend of our dearest sad boy. He’s been letting his Bakubro crash in his dorm room because Katsuki refuses to clean his own. It looks exactly the same as it did on Valentine’s Day. Just a little different.

Rose petals were dead and dried up on his floors, candles were nearly melted to the bottom as they lay everywhere in the room, the curry was thankfully thrown out by Kirishima claiming that he could smell the spoiled aroma all the way from his room. But the presents, letter, and new gear stayed in the exact same spots. Bakugou didn’t feel worthy enough to be blessed with all the stuff but he was oh so desperate to be worthy. Worthy of your time, your love, and you in general.

Bakugou let out a grumbled whine of displeasure. He could feel the disappointment and concern radiating off his friend. As Katsuki poked just his face out of the covers, he was met with the expression that represented those two things.

“You can’t keep living like this bro,” Kirishima began, “You can’t keep hallowing in sadness in my room. I wanna help you, but you gotta help yourself too. Ever since you and Y/N split-“ Bakugou quickly interrupted.

“We didn’t split, she left me!” The blonde cried.

“...Right, okay. Well ever since Y/N left you, you’re not the same. You stay in here, playing the same damn sad tunes, covering yourself in my blankets, crying all day, and holding onto that picture! You haven’t even been to class or training! Shit man, you don’t even come out of my room to eat food! I gotta bring your plate here just to make sure that you’re properly fed. You’re a mess Bakugou. And not even the hot kind!” His best friend was right. He was a mess. And not even the hot kind.

“Well what the hell am I supposed to do shitty hair?” Bakugou said while dragging the covers over his face once more. Inside the blanket he held onto the picture as if it were actually you.

The fake red head snatched the covers off of his friend’s body and forced him up.

The said friend didn’t take too kindly to that and growled in displeasure.

“What the fuck Kirishima,” Bakugou said, a little to calm and chilling.

“Dont give me that bull Katsuki. You gotta get her back. I would say move on, but it’s clear you can’t.” Kirishima said while rolling his eyes.

Bakugou mirrored the action and said “yea no shit genius. I can’t and won’t move on.”

“So then go get her man!” Kirishima yelled

“And how the fuck am I supposed to do that? Huh?!” Bakugou was so confused. In what way was it going to be possible to win you back?

“Figure it out! Look Bakugou, I’ll be here to help you along the way, but you gotta figure this shit out on your own. This is your relationship here, if you want it as bad as you claim you do then prove it. You want Y/N back? Then fight for her, idiot!” The blonde’s eyes seemed to go wide.

Two words stuck out to Katsuki during his friend’s little speech. Prove it. Fuck yeah he will! He’ll prove to the whole damn universe how much he wants you back. More importantly, he’ll prove it to you and win you back.

The iconic Bakugou smirk reappeared on Katsuki’s face. Kirishima took it as a good sign. “Alright shitty hair, you want me to prove how badly I want Y/N back. FINE!” The two friends pulled the iconic bro hug to seal the deal.

(You know? That shit that guys do where they high five and pull each other in with that one hand for the quickest hug and pat each other on the back? You know what I’m talking about.)

“Welcome back Katsuki.” Kirishima gladly stated. “Now get the fuck out of my room man, I’m sick of sleeping on the common room couches and you reek. Take a shower. And get your own clothes from your own room.”

As Kirishima pushed him out into the hallway and shut the door, it hit Bakugou like a bus. This would be Katsuki’s first challenge. Going back into the room filled with the torn love.

As Katsuki opened the door holding onto the picture, he felt his heart sink. He saw the damage. Melted candles, dried petals, the gifts and letter. Even the nasty smell of the spoiled curry still remained. As Katsuki gathered the courage to walk in and place the picture on the messy nightstand, it’s like the room was holding onto some sad emotions. Heartache and regret filled Katsuki’s chest. He couldn’t believe how fast it happened. He thought he would at least have a minute or two before he felt the pain again. Man, did it hurt like hell.

Katsuki dashed to his closet grabbing the first things he saw. He grabbed his shower container that held all his soaps and cleaning utensils and ran out the room, shutting the door. Once out, he let out a breath of relief.

“...after I clean myself up, the room’s next.” Katsuki said with determination as he walked towards the boy’s community showers and bath house.

When the hot water hit his skin, he felt a sense of calm. It wasn’t the same as the warmth of Kirishima’s blankets. It was better. The water and hot steam completely engulfed him in relaxation. The water washed away not only the dirt and grime, but also some of the tense feelings. For a moment, he felt at ease.

As Katsuki walked out the bathing area now fully clothed and dried, he made his way back to his room. He stood there, staring at the knob until he felt he was ready. Once he opened the door, the emotions hit him once again. Like a wave of sadness washed over his entire body. Finally, he stepped in.

First things first. Open up these windows. Let out that disgusting air filled with spoiled curry and sad emotions. When Katsuki took a breath a fresh air, he felt so alive. Much better than he has in days.

Now, we gotta move stuff. Katsuki picked up his dirty laundry and put it in his closet to wash later. He moved all his presents up off the floor and onto the bed. He swepted all the dead petals and toss them in his trash can. He threw out all the ruined candles and sprayed the room with air fresheners. He fixed up his bed and placed the picture frame back on his now cleaned nightstand. Next to it, a lit candle that smelled of caramel.

Katsuki took a seat at his desk. He was back to thinking about Y/N and all that he could do to win her back. As he checked his clock, he realized just how late it was. Kirishima came back to him at the end of class and training which was around 6. He spent an hour talking to Katsuki, and then Katsuki spent 4 hours cleaning himself and his room. It was 11:00 now. Way past his usual bed time. He’ll figure things out in the morning.

Katsuki smiled to himself as he layed in his own bed. He was finally on the right track again and one step closer to getting his teddy bear back. He turned to the picture frame, and grabbed onto it, hugging it while he slept. Katsuki was getting better but he wasn’t whole again. He needed Y/N to help him sleep alright, so holding the picture at night will have to do. He couldn’t wait till he woke up in the morning. Tomorrow he had school, he’ll get to see Y/N’s beautiful face for the first time in awhile, but before that, you bet your ass he’s waking up extra early to come up with a plan.

——————————————————————————

The next morning

*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *click!*

The blonde smacked his alarm button before he rose up and stretched his body. Today was the day. He’s gets to see Y/N again. Bakugou just sits in place staring at nothing. Just taking 2 minutes to regain full consciousness. Once he’s set, he’s up and getting ready. It’s 4 in the morning now, so he begins to strategize.

Katsuki is pulling out easels and white boards. Pulling out notebooks and writing down facts. What Y/N is interested in, her favorite hobbies and foods, where she likes to spend her time, what she could need help with that Bakugou could assist her with. He’s also writing down the highlights of their relationship and what she seemed to enjoy best about him. He’ll be keeping that as a reference for when he needs to reassess on how he should treat her better. He will do better this time. That’s a promise to himself and you.

After half an hour of slightly struggling, he reaches out for help. Now at 4:30 a.m, here was the blonde knocking at his best friend’s door.

Rock music is blasting, sweat is flying everywhere and punches are being thrown at a hero. Not just any hero, Crimson Riot! As Kirishima continues to spar with his idol, he’s interrupted by a banging sound.

*BOOM* *BOOM* *BOOM* *BOOM* *BOOM* *BOOM* *BOOM*

“The hell?” The younger red head says. Soon his idol began to fade away.

“Crimson Riot! Hey are you okay sir?!” But it was too late, the man was gone. Now the whole room was waving around. Did Kirishima accidentally mistake his giant jug of water for vodka or something? Soon he was left in nothing but a black abyss. And then....he fell!

“Shitty hair.....Ei....KIRISHIMA!”

“AH!” The red head screamed as he shot up from the bed, head-butting his best friend right then and there. Great, a perfect dream. Ruined.

“Ah, shit!” Bakugou said in pain as he held his now throbbing forehead. “What the fuck?”

“That’s my line Bakugou,” the red head sighed, “Did you break into my room? Jeez man, what the fuck? What are you doing here at.....4:38 a.m?!?!? DUDE!”

“I know, my bad okay? But..I could use some help.” Bakugou whispered the last part so Kirishima had no idea what this man just said.

“What bro?” Kirishima asked.

“I said....I could use some help.” The blonde repeated.

“C’mon man, you’re gonna have to speak u-“

“I need your help, alright?!” Bakugou finally said. Kirishima sighed. His bro really couldn’t wait until later?

“Bakugou, you know I’m always down to help you out but this is too early man. Can we just-“ the blonde quickly added on to what he was previously saying.

“Please.”

Kirishima’s eyes shot open after he closed them to drift off back to sleep. Did the Katsuki Bakugou just ask for help by saying please? This must be extremely important.

“......alright. You got me, I’m up. But if I’m gonna be up at 4 in the morning, others are gonna be helping us too.” Kirishima bargained.

“But-“ Kirishima cut him off

“But nothing. Besides, I’m drowsy in the morning so I wouldn’t really focus all that well. And we’re just going to the people we can trust.” The red head explained.

“Fine.” The blonde gave in. So there they went, gathering the other members of the Bakusquad (minus Y/N) to help Bakugou win back his girl.

As the 4 sleepy heads sat down on Bakugou’s floor infront of the whiteboard he wrote on, The blonde began to explain some of his plans.

“So I was thinking of treating her real nice all day until she takes me back and we become friends again, eventually leading to our relationship, but then I realized she’d be into a fake me and we all know I can’t pull the nice guy act forever. Then I thought I’d spoil her with all of the things she desires, but money can’t buy you love. So I thought I could-“ Katsuki quickly noticed the long period of silence other than his voice.

There, were his 4 friends sleeping in a dog pile in the middle of his dorm room floor, completely ignoring everything he’s been saying.

Bakugou sighed and grabbed a small “heroes weekly” issue sitting on his desk, rolled it up, and wacked his friends in their heads.

“You idiots...WAKE THE FUCK UP!” Ahh, welcome back Gremlin Bakugou.

As his friends came back from the dead, they all complained.

“Aww c’mon Bakugou. We’ve been at this for an hour already, it’s 5:40.” Sero said while yawning.

“I don’t care. You idiots offered to help so here you are.” Bakugou said while turning to face the board again.

“We didn’t offer shit!” The bakusquad simultaneously replied.

Mina let out a groan while rubbing her eyes open, “Look Bakugou. We really want you and Y/N to be happy together, we really do, but maybe it’s for the best if you guys don-“ Mina was cut off by Denki slapping his hand over her mouth.

As she looked at her electric friend, she saw a nervous expression on his face. She followed his gaze and saw the back of an angry and almost insane looking and shaking Bakugou.

Hearing Mina say that he should let Y/N go triggered something in his brain. But hearing her say they wanted the couple back together enlightened him too. His mind got the two mixed up.

‘Everyone wants us back together. Not just me. So...then we are back together. Yeah. Y/N is still mine’ the now insane blonde thought to himself.

“....Ok well, time to go, get some sleep, see you idiots in the morning!” Bakugou said while pushing the group out of his room. Once they made it over the threshold, he slammed the door.

With an insane plan in mind, Bakugou checked the time and saw he could take at least a good hour long nap before he had to get ready to leave for school. And that’s exactly what he did. So he jumped into the covers, grabbing onto the picture and drifted off into sleep.

——————————————————————————

*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *click!*

Bakugou’s alarm rang once more, and again, he slammed it shut. He stretched, got up outta bed and changed into his uniform. That power nap really well rested him, but it also must’ve fucked up his brain even more.

‘And now it’s time to go see my beautiful girlfriend,’ he thought to himself.

After Mina’s comments last night, it hit Bakugou with a great realization. Everyone wanted him and Y/N back together. Not just him. So why not give everybody what they want? Sure maybe Y/N might not completely want it but she’ll learn how to love Bakugou again. Everyone’s happy. And so, Bakugou was convinced that him and Y/N were back together.

At breakfast, Bakugou ran down to already see the Squad up and eating.

“Why the hell do you losers look like death?” He asked while grabbing a cup for his orange juice.

“Well we were all trying to sleep, but after what happened this morning, we couldn’t.” Mina explained.

“What happened this morning? There was nothing big except you guys helping me out.” Kirishima really couldn’t believe it. Had his dear friend not even notice his weird ass trigger moment earlier?

“Alright whatever. Anyway, wheres Y/N?” Bakugou asked after he finished his cup.

“Oh, she just left. She had an early breakfast and went for a quick walk.” Mina said.

“You planning on talking to her today Kacchan?” Denki questioned him.

“You damn Spark Plug, of course I’m gonna talk to my girlfriend today. Fucking idiot.” He said as he grabbed his bag and walked out the kitchen.

“.........Huh?” The entire squad was left in confusion.

‘Had they gotten back together this morning? Did she really accept him back that fast? What the fuck is going on?’ They all thought.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!?” Kaminari cried out as he pulled at and scruffled his hair in confusion.

Ah Denki. Always saying what everyone is thinking but the only one ballsy enough to idiotically say it aloud.

——————————————————————————

As she walked to class, Y/N hummed a little song to herself. She enjoyed her walk as it helped clear her mind from all the recent events. Her breakup with Bakugou really took a toll on her. They were together for almost 2 years (EVER SINCE JUNIOR HIGH) so of course the split hit her hard. He accused her of cheating and burned her. So much for trust, right? Not only that, but the burn left a tiny scar. Usually, due to you having a regeneration ability as part of your quirk, Phoenix, the scar should’ve healed up. Maybe the emotional damage caused it to permanently mark itself in you. Oh well, whats done is done. And now it’s time for class.

When you walked though the door, you were expecting a normal day. Ever since the split, you usually got their a lot earlier before anyone else so you could sit, do a little reading, sketch out a little drawing, or just rest your eyes until the bell rang. Except this time, when you opened the door, someone jumped on you for a hug.

“Babe! There you are you little dumbass. Jeez, I was looking for you everywhere.” Bakugou said as he let go of the hug. “I’ve missed you, haven’t seen you in a few days.”

“Uhm, you said babe??” You spoke with a confused and shocked voice.

“Yeah, I called you babe? So what? We always call each other that. You are my girlfriend after all.” He said so casually as he walked to his seat.

THISMANSAIDWHAATTT

“Uh, Bakugou-“

“Katsuki.” He deadpanned.

“Bakugou, we broke up.” You stated while walking up to him.

“Mm...no we didn’t.” He once again so casually said.

“Wha- I- we- you-....HUH?!” You stuttered out.

“Y/N-“

“L/N!” You corrected.

“Y/N. We didn’t break up you dummy, we only had a little set back and that’s fine. All couples do. But thankfully you forgave me and we’ve moved past it,” he began as he pulled you into his lap, “besides, everyone wants us back together including us so why not make it easier for everyone.”

You began stuttering out none sense right there on his lap. You were in such shock and utter disbelief that he said all that bullshit. Well maybe he was right about one thing. Everyone did want you guys back together, including you both, but that’s besides the point! Y’all broke up! He needs to accept it.

“Baku- no- I- we-“ and before you knew it, his lips were on yours.

And for some reason, you didn’t push him away. Granted you didn’t accept it either, but you slowly melted into it. The kiss was passionate and slow. It wasn’t sloppy, it was very controlled, but it was just a lotta lip and tongue. The whole thing sent butterflies to your heart and stomach. Oh how you missed moments like these with Katsuki.

He readjusted you on his lap so that you were now straddling him. His hands travelled down to your ass as he gave it a nice squeeze, one that made you moan into the kiss. Your arms went straight to his neck to pull him in for more and he took it as an invitation to start. The kiss began to get a little rougher. More tongue and teeth, both of you extremely desperate for the touch from one another. With your cunt pressed onto his crotch, he slowly thrusted up into you as you grinded down slowly on him. You both started breathing heavier and letting out little whimpers of ecstasy. He could probably feel your now soaked panties. One hand left your ass and came around to the front. He pressed on your soaked pussy through your damp underwear and it caused shutters to go through your entire body.

You began pressing down into his hand, desperate for more friction and Bakugou noticed. He moved your panties to the side and slipped in one finger. This was rewarded with a louder moan that caused Katsuki to smile into the kiss. He knew you and your body so well. He was determined to treat you right and get you to fall for him one more time. As his finger felt around your velvet walls, he slipped in another one, receiving an even louder cry of pleasure. You broke off from the kiss to throw your head back. Katsuki saw this as an opportunity to attack your neck. To mark you up and let everyone know you still belonged to him.

“K-Katsuki. Don’t...don’t stop,” you panted.

“I won’t princess, I’ll take care of you.” He smiled.

Without warning, he shoved in 2 more fingers. You were so loud and Bakugou was so proud. You were gonna let everyone know what’s happening and he was excited.

He lifted his head to whisper into your ear as you continued to moan and sigh.

“Well aren’t you just a little slut. You want everyone to know how well daddy takes care of you? You want them to hear you scream in pleasure?” His words went straight to your cunt that was now welcoming in his 5th and final finger. Completely fisting you now, you let out loud cries.

“S-uki, .....ah, AH YES! Mm, s’too much!” You cried out. You couldn’t help it, you loved him. You knew you did. Even though what he did was wrong, your body took over and your mind turned off. You fully succumbed to his wishes.

You let your feet hit the ground to stand yourself up a little bit and fall down onto his fist, meeting the thrust of his hand moving in and out of you. Watching the show, Katsuki couldn’t help but stare in delight. His hard on growing bigger and bigger each second as he bit his lip to hold back his sounds. Watching you bounce on just his fist did something to him and brought out a feral beast. He snapped.

He pulled his fist out of your aching pussy and sat you down on his desk. He stood up infront of you and tore your delicate panties off.

“Katsuki-“ you were silenced with a smack to your ass

“That’s not my name, teddy bear. C’mon now, you know exactly what I wanna hear.” He said while caressing your thighs.

“..Yes daddy.” You bashfully said.

With a kiss to your cheek he praised you.

“Good girl.” As he began to unbuckle his belt, you looked around the classroom.

“D-daddy. Someone’s gonna see!” You cautiously stated.

Katsuki reassured you with a kiss to your lips, “We’ll be fine princess, I promise,” he said while placing his tip at your entrance. You whimpered at the thought of him inside you again, it’s been so long. You were almost nervous. That is until Katsuki place a finger under your chin so you could face him in his eyes.

“I’m gonna take care of you, so don’t worry.” And with that you slowly nodded. And he finally began to press into you.

With just his tip in, you let out a breathy moan. He was bigger than you remembered. He kept pressing and pressing until he was fully inside your warm and tight hole. You both let out a moan at the feeling of each other.

“Daddy, please move.” And he did as he was told. With a steady pace set, he thrusted himself in and out of you. Both of you moaning louder every second. While you were enveloped in the euphoric feeling, Katsuki was struggling to hold back the beast inside of him. That is until you came up to his ear.

“Fuck me like you mean it, daddy. I won’t break, I promise.” You said in his ear and Katsuki swore he could hear your smirk. Gripping your ass and continuing his pace he spoke.

“Don’t be mad when you can’t walk for the next week,” he smirked. With that, he slammed himself deeper, harder, and faster inside of you. His tip hitting your cervix. You let our screams of pure pleasure and he did the same.

“Oh yesss...shit daddy..so big..”

“F-fuck! Oh you like that? Yeah princess? ...oh shit baby your pussy takes me so well. Y-Yeah, your tight little cunt takes this big cock so fucking well,” he moved faster inside, exploring you completely. His hands went straight to your shirt and and ripped it open. You had a few buttons fly everywhere, but you didn’t care. He pushed your bra up and let one of your mounds fall into his hand. He squeezed it tight to release a generous moan from you. He then dove into the valley of breast to mark your chest. You held onto the back of his head and tugged at his hair and he growled at he feeling, enjoying every second of it.

“Oh yess princess just like that. S-shit. Oh fuck yes...oh you’re mine,” he went deeper inside as he spoke.

“Fuck! Daddy yes! Right t-there! Oh my god..yess,” you cried out.

“Can you feel that. Oh fuck, can you feel my dick in your gut?” He moaned out. Katsuki went to grip the edge of his desk as you kept your hold around his neck, causing him to somehow move faster. He went up to taste your lips once more

“I love you....so much princess...you hear me...Mm, your mine,” he said between kisses and ended with a smack to your now red ass.

His words had you squeezing his cock. He knew what was coming.

“Aww, is princess gonna cum? You gonna cum on daddy’s dick?” He teased.

“Mm...p-please daddy. Please let me cum,” you said while throwing your head back. Katsuki only smirked at this.

“Not yet~” he pulled out of you, leaving you a whiny mess.

“N-no! Daddy please! Please let me finish,” you said while holding onto his shoulders, inches away from his face, pressing your chest to his. Your words caused his “little” friend to grow even harder and Katsuki only smirked and looked down at you.

“Dont worry teddy bear, Daddy’s not done with you yet.” He yanked you off the desk and pressed you down onto it, with your chest to the desk. Then he slammed back into you, returning to the fast pace again.

“Fuck yeah..oh god look at this ass. Nice and round, all red for me,” he said while pounding into you.

He gave your ass a good few smacks, countered with a thrust each harder than the last before going to lay his chest on top of you to whisper in your ear.

“You wanna be a good girl for daddy? Huh, teddy bear?” He asked.

“Mmm, yes! Yes I’ll be good, just please!” You cried out. He reached his hand over to rub on your clit. Your body began to shake with pleasure.

“Then cum with me.....NOW,” he said, and that was all it took for you to release the white liquid. As you came you could feel his hot release filling you up to the brim. He cried out in pure pleasure while you did the same.

You both stayed in that position for a bit, and you could feel the mixture of both your release dripping down your inner thighs. Soon, you felt Katsuki lower himself to kiss your neck.

“You did so good princess.” He calmly said to you. It was relieving, and you loved the sound of his voice, but you couldn’t help but feel a little off at this whole ordeal.

Katsuki pulled out of you and watched how his cum covered and filled your entire pussy. He smiled at the sight and went to grabbed some tissue on Aizawa’s desk to clean you and himself up.

He tucked himself back into his pants and you rebuttoned your shirt the best you could and flipped your skirt back down. Since Katsuki tore your panties you’d have to go commando at least until you got back to your room. You watched as Katsuki went to throw away the tissues and your torn underwear into the trash can. When he made his way back to you, he held you in his arms and attempted to kiss you. But you turned away.

“Hey teddy be-“

“No, Katsuki. Please don’t call me that.” You said while looking down. Katsuki felt his heart hurt a little. You’re always gonna be his teddy bear, why would he ever stop calling you that?

“Y/N, what’s wrong?” He asked you.

“Us. This. Katsuki, what happened today should not have happened.” You said

“What?” He was so confused and a little hurt.

As tears start to fill your eyes, you did everything you could to not let them fall. “Suki, we broke up. You accused me of cheating, you burned me! So for us to come in here and just have sex like nothing happened is wrong.”

“Y/N, I’m sorry for what happened. Seriously, after what I did it destroyed me. But please listen, I lov-“ you cut him off again.

“I know!.....I know you do Katsuki.....and I love you too Suki. So much,” this brought a smile to his face. A true, genuine smile that you loved so dearly.

“But I’m scared.” You added on. This made Katsuki’s smile drop, worry and concern fill his eyes.

“Of what exactly?” He asked you while gently holding onto your hand.

“.....You.” This shocked him. His own teddy bear feared him. Heartbreaking.

“I’m scared of the lack of trust that you have for me. And not only that, but your quirk too. Katsuki I know you’re one of the best students here at UA, but I know you’re emotions can get out of hand too. It’s clear that when you’re not in control of your feelings, your quirk can lash out. The evidence is right here,” you turned you arm that he was holding to show him the scar he left on you.

Now this really hurt Katsuki. He loved marking you with his love, not with his anger. The fact that he did that to you sent his mind into a frenzy. Until he felt your touch on his cheek.

Holding onto his cheek with your soft hands, you spoke reassuring words. “Katsuki, you were right about two things. I do want us to be together again and I do forgive you,” and with that, Katsuki leaned into your touch. Holding onto your hand that held his face, he released a single tear he didn’t know he was holding and closed his eyes in relief and satisfaction.

“But I can’t be with you again.” Your words caused him to open his eyes and stare at you in shock and fear. “At least...not yet.”

Whew, his heart rate went back down. Oh the rollar coaster of emotions this poor boy was currently on.

“Yet?” He asked hopefully.

“Suki, I’m still trying to fix myself, and it’s clear that you need to fix yourself too. I really want to be with you, but we both need time to grow for each other. I can’t leave you. I know for sure that in my heart, you’re always gonna be the one I run back to, but I don’t want to run back to someone who could possibly hurt me again. I want to come back to you knowing that when we are together again, our relationship is secured.” You explained.

A silence filled the air. You both stared at each other for what felt like forever. Nobody else in the world. Just you and him. He then pulled you in for a tight hug. As he held onto you, you could feel hot tears hitting your shoulder, and quiet sobs left his voice along with a hitched breath every now and then. Katsuki was crying.

“....I promise you. I’m gonna get better for you. I’m gonna be worthy of you and your love and it’ll stay that way for the rest of our lives. You and me. Together. Im gonna do whatever it takes to get you back and I won’t stop at anything until you’re mine again. I swear I’ll treat you better than I ever did before. As long as I know that you’re coming back to me and me only, I’ll wait for you for as long as it takes teddy bear.” He said into your neck with his arms tightly wrapped around your waist.

“I know you will Suki. And I promise I won’t make you wait too long.” You said while hugging him back.

“You better not.” The blonde said.

“Don’t forget though, I’m always yours. And just yours.” You reassured him.

“......Can we at least make this a little easier for me and say we didn’t split. We’re just on a break. A small break?” He said, now looking directly in your eyes while still holding onto you.

You put his worries at ease with your gentle smile. “The smallest break, Suki.” You softly laughed as you both went back in for another hug.

“........I like it better when you call me daddy,” the damn devil said while smiling.

“Shut up you horny idiot.” You chuckled.

‘I can’t wait to be yours again,’ you both thought

You both stayed there in each other’s embraces until the world faded away. It was just you and him. Together. You were both no longer lost. You weren’t at your destination yet, but you were on the right tracks. One step closer to each other. One step closer to love.

A/N: There’s still a little more I wanna add to the story, so there will be a part 3 to close this little short story. Sorry if there were any spelling mistakes. Thank you guys so much for the love and support. As a new writer I never expected to grow so quickly so I truly love each and every one of you bear cubs! Sorry this was so long, I hope you enjoyed! 💗🧸

[bukojuiice]

get you.

ೃ pairing: (husband! executive levi ackerman x wifey! reader)

ೃ  warnings: nsfw (18+) - the rest of the tags are below the cut! c:

ೃ genre: smut

ೃ word count: 2,696 words

ೃ  my nav  →  my college au! eren x fem! reader (fluff)

ೃ song inspo: get you by daniel caesar ft. kali uchis

ೃ  please do reblog if you enjoyed!! it really helps writers and content creators on tumblr! (feel free to add tags too because i love reading them and my heart swells with happiness when people love my work!)

ೃ “visit your husband at work” day is an actual event that happens every 3rd Thursday of the month at the company Levi works in. however, after he’s become too focused on the workload for the day and you’ve grown impatient as he wasn’t paying attention to you at all, you had to find a way to grab his attention. 

additional tags: fem dom! reader, slight bondage, sub! levi then a dramatic shift to dom! levi 

hope you enjoy reading!

Today is the 3rd Thursday of the month.

Which meant “Visit your Husband at Work” Day.

No. Like, it was literally an actual holiday that existed in the company.

One of Levi’s fellow executives, Hange Zoe, created a whole-ass holiday just so to tease you and Levi.

Not that it was a problem though, it was always so fun to watch your husband work so sternly and seriously. Even if he ignored you most of the time, especially when you were being annoying and were asking too many questions.

This month’s iteration of the holiday though… left much to be desired.

Your ever so busy husband promised you a lunch date at one of the swankiest restaurants in the business district, however he was so swarmed with papers, business plans, and taking calls from important clients that could he not take 1 hour out of his day just to spend time with you and keep the spirit of this “holiday” alive?

It really doesn’t make any sense. He could relay the client calls to his secretary, Eren, for an hour and a half, then once he gets back, he could go through them and call them back again.

Was it that hard to do?

Despite your many pleas of asking him to just stop working for a few minutes and eat some take out McDonald’s chicken nuggets with you, he still refuses to do so. He even remarked about how unhealthy they were, but you corrected him by telling him that it was alright to eat from time to time at least.  

The whole chicken nuggets exchange you had with him, put you into an even more sour mood.

Before he could even ask where you were about to go, you stormed out of his office, trying to get a reaction from him, so that he would try and make it up you. However, that did not happen and your romantic fantasy of Levi holding you by the wrist, whispering huskily into your ear, not wanting you to leave was not achieved.

So, you then head over to Hange’s office where they were eating lunch with their secretary, Moblit, and surprisingly, the company’s very own Erwin Smith, the CEO of Survey Corp. (get it? Because survey corps? Mwahahaah ok I’ll see myself out)

This got you even more confused, because why are both Hange and Erwin able to eat lunch so casually whilst your husband is so tense and stressed about all the paper works that he has to go through?

“AHH! Ms (Y/N)!” Hange beams at you as soon as they see you enter the room. “What brings you here? Does Levi not want to leave his office again?” They giggled. You greet the three of them back with a wave, but a sad smile present on your face. Erwin raises his eyebrow at you in worry.

“Ms (Y/N), is everything alright?” The blonde man asks worriedly, taking another sip of his afternoon tea. “Did you get into a fight with our most loved and hardworking executive?” He teases, trying to keep the atmosphere light and carefree.

“That’s the problem actually.” You laugh exasperatedly, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. “He promised me that we would go out for lunch, but he didn’t commit and told me he was caught up in a lot of business calls, and he didn’t want to miss any of them as they were very important.”

“Oh? He can just give them to Eren though. They aren’t extremely important calls. We’re not even trying to bag some huge business deal right now. I told Levi to loosen up a bit, but he continues to want to see through with everything.”

You breathe out an irritated sigh, crossing your arms in disappointment. “I’ll be going back to his office now. I’ll be talking to my husband about this and his workaholic tendencies.” You bite your lip, trying to muster a smile, waving goodbye and leaving as soon as you arrived.

“Aw. I wasn’t able to ask if she wanted some sashimi.” Hange pouts, holding a small paper bag that contained the premium dish. “Erwinnn should I go after her?”

“Nope. Don’t.” Erwin shakes his head, laughing, clearly in a very good mood.

“Huh!? Why can’t I-“

Erwin gives them a knowing look, raising his eyebrow suggestively as if referring to something.

“Ohhhh.”

You arrive back at Levi’s office, your arms crossed, waiting for the raven-haired man to greet you. The man you know and love so well, was still very much engrossed with the materials and blueprints he was reading.

He looks up at you then goes back to what he was doing.

You lock the door behind you and then proceed to sit at the long velvety couch situated in the middle of Levi’s huge ass office. Your arms remain crossed, so were your legs as you begin to read a random book laying on the coffee table.

Levi steals some quick glances at you from time to time and your petty self pretends that you don’t notice him doing so.

You hear him sigh and take off his black rimmed glasses that he only wears during work. He then rubs his temples and clear his throat, to try and get your attention.

“(Y/N) love, I know you’re disappointed over the fact I didn’t push through with our lunch plans. I know that you know how much I love you but this is a very important-“

You stand up from the couch and throw the book carelessly to the table. Approaching him with a rather alluring aura surrounding you, your husband giving you a puzzled look as you arrive in front of his table.

He stands up, thinking you were about to envelop him in a hug and accept his apology until…

You grip the lapels of his suit and yank Levi hard against you.

“Prove it.”

Your lips clash with his. Kissing him with every ounce of frustration and heat in your body. But even as Levi’s arms come around you, holding you flush against him, he suddenly pulls back with a questioning look on his face.

“(Y/N)…”

“Maybe you might be too busy for this too Mr. Ackerman.”

You push his jacket off his shoulders before your fingers slide along the back of his neck as you guide his wet, hungry mouth back to yours.

Levi spins you around, pushing your back against the cold glass of the windowpane, the beautiful city skyline as your backdrop whilst you make love? It was perfect.

He lifts your wrists up above your head, holding it there with one hand while the other explores your body, caressing the skin he could touch even though you were still fully clothed.

“Levi…”

You feel exposed in a way that makes your pulse race, the intensity and the heat between the two of you continue to escalate as his fingers find a strip of bare skin at your waist, then slide up beneath your clothes to trace the curve of your breast. He continues fondling it whilst his other hand slowly unbuttons your blouse, revealing the beauty that was your upper body. Levi takes in the view, breathing

You arch your back, pressing your body against him. His tongue continues to tangle  with yours, and he moans into your mouth.

“Can you even get back to work after this?”

“It depends how much you can keep me busy.”

Levi picks you up easily in his arms. You lock your legs around his waist as he carries you across the office.  He sweeps everything off his desk with a loud crash and lays you down.

Again, you were seeing a different version of him. Not only was it not typical of him to be careless and thrashing things around like this, but the way you can feel his heart beat and his emotions just by these gestures and the two of you haven’t even arrived at the good part yet.

Your head swims, going wild over the thought of what the two of you could end up doing as he unfastens your clothes and throws them across the room. Very out of character for a man who wants to be clean and organized all the time.

His lips trail kisses all over your body, pausing to skim his teeth along your side, caressing each soft spot, turning you on even more.

“I want to eat you up…” He whispers, continuing to smother you with all the love that he can give, touching you everywhere he can.

You look down your body at him, taking in the intense look in his eyes. You want him…

But you also want to make him pay for how he treated you today.

“You have to earn that privilege, Mr. Ackerman.”

You sit up from the desk, pushing him back lightly.

“(Y/N)…”

“You’ve been a naughty boy, Levi.” You wink at him, sucking your finger and waving it in front of him. “And you know what that means…”

“I’m going to tie you up.”

Levi, lets out a soft curse, as you hop down from the desk and motion for him to take a seat behind it. He has no choice but to follow you, albeit a bit surprised as this was something new that the two of you haven’t experience yet. He starts to move around the desk when you call out to him.

“Wait.”

You lean in and skim your fingers over the exposed skin of his chest, then tug lightly on the open flap of his shirt.

“I don’t want to have to deal with this later.” You wink at him again, running your fingers through his abs, caressing them, and you know that something was stimulating inside of your raven-haired lover.

Levi then quickly strips out of the rest of his clothes, then takes a seat in his office chair, arms on the armrests.

You grab a spare cord from one of his desk drawers, then tie his wrist to the chair. You do the same for his other hand, letting your fingers trail along his bare body, noticing the bulging erection in his pants before you step back and admire your handiwork.

“Aren’t you a sight?” You tease him, your husband smirks and shakes his head at how you were the one showing dominance this time around.

Levi tries to reach for you but stops when he pulls against the cords. He sits back with a pout.

“This isn’t fair.” He cursed under his breath. “I want to touch you.”

“Oh… you want to talk about not fair? What have you been doing all morning then?”

You lean over the chair, careful not to touch him, to try and tease him even more. You let your breasts idle near his face… so close, you can feel his breath ghost over your skin. He visibly gulps.

“And now you’re being punished for it.”

You hop back on the desk, facing Levi. You spread your legs so he can see every inch of you, you hear him gulp again and you were loving the attention as you slip your fingers under your panties.

“Tch…” He cursed under his breath.

Your head lulls back as you let the pleasure course through your veins, trying your best to stop yourself from mewling in pleasure. You call out his name, as if imagining that you were pleasuring yourself whilst he wasn’t around. “A-ah…”

Touching yourself in front of Levi is a power trip like nothing you’ve ever experienced before. You can barely control your movements as your hips buck up. You continue to rub your clit in a circular motion. Your husband continues to watch.

Levi licks his lips as he struggles against his restraints. You slow your fingers as you consider him…

“Hmm… have you been punished enough yet?”

“No… but I can’t make it up to you properly unless you let me touch you.” He continues to breathe heavily, still trying to free himself from the restraints.

Selfishly, you know he’s right. You reach out to untie the cords, and he’s all over you, quickly pressing your body onto his, before the ropes even fall to the ground. Levi continues to kiss you deeply, pressing you back against the desk as his hands work your panties down your thighs.

“I haven’t been able to think about anything else all day. I know we could have just done this at home.”

“And now? What do you think is the point of this work holiday?”

His fingers make their way back up your bare legs, stroking you teasingly.  “And now… I can barely control myself. I want to devour you.”

You lean back and let your legs fall open as wide as they can. You fight back a blush as he hungrily takes in every inch of you. Levi bows at your feet, lowering his mouth between your thighs and working his tongue against you. He slowly licks the inside curves of your pussy, taking in every inch of you. He continues to make work of exploring your insides by a finger, pushing it in and out.

You shiver and grip the desk, reeling from the sensation.

“Levi!”

“If you want me to make this up to you properly, then you can’t come yet.” He stops for a second, now it was his turn to tease you.

“Can you do that, Ms. Ackerman? Can you hold back until I tell you?” Levi punctuates his question with a devilish twirl of his tongue, and you gasp.

“Yes. I can.”

“I can take whatever you have to give. Don’t hold back.”

Levi smirks at you, and you know he’ll rise to the challenge. He licks his lips… then dips his head and licks you. His tongue continues to ravish you, deeply and heavily, unrelenting.

“A-ah I’m going to!“ You mewl, your hands looking for something to grasp.

“Already? I thought you said you could take it?”

Your body trembles as he sucks and nips on your nipples, leading you toward the brink. He makes his tongue rigid as it flicks against your clit. You lift your head enough to see Levi’s hand working between his legs, touching his cock in rhythm with you as he groans out your name.

“L-levi…” You gesture him to enter you, your finger pointing down as your breath continues to hitch, craving more for him.

He slowly enters as if teasing you, and you feel your juices stimulate as you become one with him. He continues to thrust in, shifting from a normal to a fast pace, still relentlessly teasing you. How the tables have turned.

Levi’s pace grows even faster and faster, it was as if his dick was enlarging inside of you too. Your moans were in sync with his and with one final thrust…

That’s all it takes. Your body clenches, and you fly over the edge, ecstasy crashing over you.

You both exchange your I love you’s, leaning in for one last kiss as you feel the last pump enter inside you.

Levi slowly holds you and helps you down from the desk. It was such a smooth release that not one drop fell onto the desk. If it did though, his clean freak tendencies would probably show by now.

“Let’s clean up. I have a meeting at 3.” He says, still catching his breath, picking up his clothes that he threw from the other side of the room.

“So… you’re telling me that we can still have our lunch date!?” Your eyes lit up; the raven-haired man offers to help you clip your bra.

“Yes. Then let’s go to the spa after.” He smiles, combing a hand through your hair, kissing your shoulder before you finish wearing your blouse again.

“Does that mean we can also do it in the spa?” You ask, suggestively.

“No.”

“Aw. You’re no fun.”

Fin.

me after writing this and as i hit post now:

[lacharcutiere]

ur my favorite drug & my worst hangover [nsfw 18+, terushima yūji]

5,9k words

✯haikyuu!! masterlist✯

winter sem break brings the new year, & a few other new developments too.

smut, tiny bit of angst, fwb, fluff // quit - lil aaron & travis barker. god this song goes so hard

the way all i talk abt is how much i love teru but have nothing to show for it— yeah we’re gonna fix that. man i love him

☾𓆙𓂻

— SOBER

the soft hum of the tv in the background slowly fades into your awareness as you blink blearily awake, almost forgetting where you are for a second.

you’re in yūji’s living room, duh. your semestral break has not been nearly as interesting as either of you’d hoped: instead, you’ve both succumbed to alternating between each other’s childhood homes, binging netflix and random youtube videos and eating chips and tubs of ice cream late into the night, as has been your custom for years.

it’s dim but for the glow of the screen, and it’s kind of chilly in here now, even with you wrapped up in a hoodie. (yours, not yūji’s. you only borrow his in emergencies.)

he’s not next to you now, but his footsteps—you know them by now: quick and kind of heavy but not overbearingly loud—are entering the room again, and you feel the sofa cushions dip a little as he retakes his seat next to you.

“hey,” he says, smiling, “you’re awake.”

“hmmph,” you mumble, sitting upright to stretch your back. “what time is it?”

“uh.” he squints at the digital clock next to the tv. “like one?”

“‘m cold.”

“me too.”

“‘nd tired.”

“you just woke up?”

“i’m tired,” you whine.

yūji groans. “you’re really gonna make me go to sleep this early?”

“you don’t have to sleep, but i will.”

“yeah,” he says, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world, “but who’s gonna keep me company then?”

“i dunno,” you shoot back, “text tetsu or something. he’s probably still up.”

he rolls his eyes but relents, standing from the sofa. “fine.” and he holds out a hand to help you up, which you don’t take.

“i can do shit for myself,” you joke, rolling your eyes.

“right.”

—

it’s not much warmer in his room despite the thermostat supposedly being set to an acceptable temperature, but at least the sleeping bag on the floor next to yūji’s bed is insulated, and he’s given you a couple extra blankets for which you’re grateful. the biting chill of january does not fuck around.

so you nestle yourself into a little cocoon of linens and pillows and pull your hood up, curling into a ball in an effort to conserve your body heat. you hear him laugh a little as he watches you.

“what?”

“nothing.”

there’s the light hum of a phone ringing a few times, and that little beep as tetsu picks up the facetime call.

sleep clouds your senses to the background music of stifled laughter and loud whispers and the occasional static of yūji’s phone speaker.

— BUT U PULLED ME CLOSER

the next few minutes, hour—you have no idea—pass just like that, with you drifting languidly in and out of sleep and the sounds of yūji and tetsurō’s voices audible but incomprehensible in the background.

last you remember, you’re slipping back under again, hearing tetsu through the staticky iphone speaker.

and then you wake up again because you’re fucking freezing and it’s quiet and the lights are off, except for the little reading light mounted to the headboard of yūji’s bed. you sit up on your elbows, craning your neck, and see that he’s still up, lying on his stomach with his phone dimly illuminating his face.

“what time’s it?” you mumble.

“uh... 2:38.” he pauses. “y’alright?”

“cold,” you say.

he locks his phone then, and he just looks at you kind of blankly and maybe a little mockingly? except it must not be mocking; it must be something else, because he’s just kind of... studying you.

you look back up at him expectantly. “what?” you say.

he sighs, kind of rolls his eyes, turns away from the light to hide the little smile playing on his lips. “come on up here.” he scoots over and pats the spot next to him.

thankful for an extra source of body heat and blankets and pillows, you shove yourself up off the ground and shuffle over to the bed.

it’s kind of funny, the way you’re basically adults now and yet your relationship’s still fundamentally the same as it was when you met years ago.

—

duh, yūji hates that. it’s true, that whole thing about how “every one of your guy friends has thought about fucking you at some point.” it’s true, at least for him.

and there’s something electric in how you haven’t slept next to him in months because you’ve both been busy with school, and now you’re back here. back here, where it feels like you belong.

there’s something deep in his chest that’s set aflame by the way you laugh and let him tuck the comforter over you; the way your sweatpant-covered legs brush against his own underneath it.

he wants to touch you.

he wants to wrap his hand around your thigh and pull it over his own; to run his fingertips up the length of your arm and make you shiver; to snake his around your waist and pull your head into his chest.

maybe he will once you’re asleep, he figures. once his pride can’t be hurt because you don’t have to know.

except... except he’d let it be hurt for you. without a moment’s hesitation. he would shatter it himself for you, would let you take him in your fingers and rip him to pieces too small to be puzzled back together.

because maybe he doesn’t just want you. maybe he loves you.

but even he, completely truthfully, doesn’t know.

he’s got a sneaking suspicion that he does, though, because he’s rarely confused and this is an enigma he can’t quite seem to decipher, no matter what he tries.

it’s absurd, too, he realizes laying on his back next to you, how suddenly he’s afraid to touch you. because the two of you have always been touchy, that’s just you. you’re two halves; you’re so similar. you’ve been attached at the hip since childhood—why is it different now, now that he wants that more than anything?

so here he is, spiraling in this conundrum of feelings, when it’s cut short by you, tiredly whining, “yūji.”

“what?” he sort of feigns annoyance.

“‘m cold.”

“and?”

and. and his breath catches because you roll over and latch onto him. and he brings his arms around your shoulders and holds you to his chest.

so close, and yet so far away.

and he shudders as you lay one hand flat on his chest. it belongs there forever.

you nuzzle your nose into his shoulder and inhale his scent and his brain short-circuits.

has she done this before?

and mostly unconscious, you mumble, “—warm. y’re pretty’.” his eyes go wide.

“what?”

your arms tighten around him, and he’d hate to admit it, but it’s setting him off. he’s... a little hard.

a hand settles itself on your thigh, the one that’s draped over his legs, and he pushes it downward a little, so that it’s not resting next to the rising erection in his pajama pants.

god, he wants to fuck you so badly right now, he wants for you to feel him throbbing between your legs as you whimper against his skin. but he also wants you to want him.

miraculously, a little sigh escapes your lips at the touch. so he doesn’t move his hand.

“feels nice,” you whisper.

so he decides to test the waters, and squeezes gently. you giggle sleepily.

inhibitions dissipating for a moment, his stomach leaps to his chest and he snakes that hand up over your hip, consciously avoiding your ass just in case, and rests it on your back, rubbing up and down slowly.

his chest constricts as you snuggle even closer to him. and then your leg moves back up and your thigh nudges his crotch.

your eyes snap open and he inhales sharply.

and then you’re propped up on your elbow, leaning over him.

he curses himself for forgetting to turn off the light; the flush in his cheeks is obvious.

half terrified and half excited, he watches as your face breaks into a wide, shit-eating grin.

“what?” he breathes.

your eyes narrow; a look of mischief he’s so familiar with, one that’s often mirrored on his own features. (it’s not now.)

“yūji,” you say, singsong and bright, “what’s this?”

and—oh, god, oh, fuck—you bring a hand down to rest on his dick, tenting in his pajamas.

he doesn’t know what to say to you.

“i— uhm—”

“hmm,” you hum. “y’ alright?”

he clears his throat, nods. “are— uh, are you?”

“mhm,” you laugh, wide awake now. “yūji...” you pause. he can’t stand it; he needs to know what happens next, needs to know what’s fanning the flames behind your eyes.

oh god. oh god, all he leaves is a breath in between and then you’re throwing your leg over him again and, fuck, you’re straddling him. he lets out a shaky breath, voice tight as he chokes out, “what are you doing?”

the smile is gone from your face now, replaced with something softer, something lustful. your hands move to his shoulders to balance yourself as you grind your hips down, and a low ahh slips out of him.

it’s just like that, just your clothed bodies rubbing together. he comes embarrassingly quickly in his boxers, but he lets you ride his thigh until you finish as recompense.

afterward, he excuses himself and cleans himself off in the bathroom. when he comes back, you’re sound asleep again.

that’s all that happens.

— UR GONNA FUCK ME UP

following that, everything proceeds as it had before. neither of you bother to speak of it, but nothing even seems off between you at all. it’s as if it never happened.

or maybe, yūji sometimes allows himself to think as he touches himself to the memory in the middle of nights when you’re not together, it’s like it was meant to happen.

what a wonderful illusion that is.

because he knows it won’t work, and if you ever thought about him like that, you would know, too.

the two of you have watched each other fall in love—get dumped, ghost people, whatever—several times over the past few years. he remembers your first boyfriend, your last year of middle school: the guy had been a mutual friend that you’d been crushing on for months. and yet, when you’d finally become a thing, it had taken no more than a couple of weeks for you to grow uninterested and dump him.

it’s not like he hasn’t done similar things in the past.

and it’s not like some people who’ve dated either of you haven’t had better luck; there have been several who have been the ones to break your hearts.

but both of you have yet to have maintained a long-term relationship, and neither of you have kept in contact with many of your exes.

he doesn’t want to be another one of those, and he certainly doesn’t want you to be, either.

—

it’s maybe a week after that night when you pick him up to go get takeout and ice cream.

that, in itself, is a pretty normal thing.

but then you’re sitting in your car, and between spoonfuls of mocha chip and hot caramel, you say, “so i saw this thing.”

“hm?” he responds, his mouth still full.

“your aura is striking, dude,” you quote. there’s a pause as you try to suppress a giggle. and then: “can i kiss you deeply, bro?”

he snorts and jokes, “anytime you want.” and he really hopes that you take his tone at face value, but he also knows you way better than that.

so he’s only half surprised when you actually do. half surprised, and wholly in awe.

your hands are in each other’s hair. it’s quick—feverish, but quick—and the first thing you say when you pull back is, “tastes like sugar.”

he laughs again, unsure of what move to make next. “yeah?”

and then you’re... shy? because you look away from him, back down to the cup of ice cream in your lap, and you say, “you feel good.” it’s so low that it’s almost unintelligible. but he hears you.

both your faces are burning when you look back up at him. “should we talk about that?”

“‘bout what? kissing? ‘s not the first time.”

it isn’t—he kissed you once in middle school, because there was this other girl that he’d thought was pretty, and he wanted to make her jealous. it hadn’t worked; she’d just thought the two of you were together, and a teacher had scolded you for pda. but at least it had been a fun story to laugh at for a while after.

this is obviously different, though, and you both know that. this kiss wasn’t to make anyone jealous. this one was for yourselves.

and anyway, that’s not what you meant by that.

“no,” you say. “the um... last week. at your place.”

“oh, yeah.”

“should we, um, do you wanna talk about it?”

“d’you?”

you shrug.

“alright,” he says. pauses. “so... what was that about?”

and you almost laugh incredulously. “you’re asking me?”

he stares blankly.

“you’re the one who got a boner when we were cuddling, yūji. as if we’ve never done that before.” you notice the mortified look on his face, and your expression softens and your voice lowers. “you wanna tell me what that was about? you don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

and he laughs nervously and says, “no, no, ‘s fine. i was just kinda horny, that’s all. i haven’t hooked up with anyone in a while, y’know?”

you give him a sardonic grin. “and that’s why it only took you, like, three minutes to come?”

“yeah... yeah,” he says, rubbing the back of his neck.

a moment passes where you stop and think for a little, and then you turn back to look at him. “it was, uh, good, though. like, objectively. it was good.”

it’s his turn to flash a grin at you: “‘course it was. it’s me.”

“and me.”

“shoulda won the sex gods superlative in last year’s yearbook.”

“ha.” another thing crosses your mind: “and now look at us. too busy with school to even have time to fuck anyone.”

yūji doesn’t say anything, so you do it for him.

you start out carefully. “but...”

“but?”

“do you— i mean. we’ve got, like, what? three weeks left before we go back? and we’re stuck here. and— and we already hang out like every single day anyway, and. uh. and it was objectively good.”

“are you—”

“and i’ve known you for years. come on. there’s, like, nothing i could do to embarrass myself around you anymore.”

friends with benefits. you’re suggesting that you temporarily be friends with benefits.

“and it wasn’t weird after last time,” you add. “i think.”

“hm,” he says, “yeah, no, it wasn’t.”

his first instinct is to say no, to tell you it’s a bad idea. but as he thinks about it more, he realizes that you’re kind of right. and anyway, what is the worst that could happen? because he’s pretty sure he’s far gone enough for you that falling a little further wouldn’t change a thing. even if he weren’t, he’d never think of hurting you intentionally.

and, he figures, he’d hardly mind being hurt by you.

—

that is how you end up back in his bed an hour later—his parents are out on a date this evening; you’ve got until a few hours past sundown to fuck and clean yourselves off and make it look like you’ve been eating and talking and watching tv the whole time.

outside of the guise of midnight impulses, it is a strange—but also strangely pleasant—thing to be having sex with your best friend.

there’s no pretense, hardly any need to keep up appearances (at least, for you). you’re not strangers only concerned with your own pleasure; you know each other. despite never actually having done this before, he already knows what you like, and vice versa.

it’s nice.

it’s nice to hear him laugh when you whine for him to stop being so gentle, vanilla-ass bitch, only to have him call you a “horny little—” (to which you respond, no, you.)

and it’s nice to sleep with someone who reads all the cues you give him without you even needing to say anything.

it is possibly the best sex you’ve ever had in your life.

it is possibly the best sex you’ve ever had in your life, and... it might not be just because of the dynamic between you two, or the fact that you don’t have to be afraid to tell him what you like and what you don’t—the fact that you don’t even have to tell him at all.

it’s nice. for you. and it’s hell for him.

it’s hell for him to have to hold back all the sweet nothings he wants to whisper in your ear—he’s restricted to you like that, huh, baby? and fuuuck and god, you’re so fucking tight, and he knows you’re into it, but he wants to be treating you like a princess right now. he wants to call you his, wants to whisper, tell me you’re all mine against your bare shoulders, wants to tell you he loves you.

so... he does love you.

but he can’t say that. he knows he can keep you around, but you’re not his to keep.

—

it continues like that for the next several days: you fuck, it’s good sex, and he’ll touch himself to the memories if you’re not there: memories of how you taste, of the softness of your skin, of you with your legs around his waist and your bare chests pressed together, damp and warm with sweat.

it is so gratifying, and even more painful.

and then, one day, as he’s fucking you in your childhood bedroom—all white walls covered in sketches and colorful postcards you’ve accumulated over the years—something is slightly off.

there’s something about it that feels more intimate than the other times, and it goes slower than before. it’s not all lust and clothes tossed haphazardly on the floor and bodies shoved hurriedly into mattresses.

you kiss him for a long time before any clothing comes off, and you keep pulling him back to your lips as he thrusts into you. you’re not urging him faster, more, harder; you let him keep a steady pace and arch your back into the sheets as you lie underneath him.

it hits him as you come down from your orgasm and writhe in his arms, softly moaning, “god, yūji, i l—”

he stops.

“don’t say that,” he says.

still shaking and catching your breath, you respond, “what?”

“just don’t.” but his tone is casual, and so you don’t think much of it.

—

you don’t hook up every time you hang out, and yeah. you were right. it’s hardly different than before. except, isn’t it?

you’re sitting on opposite sides of your sofa one morning after your parents have left for work—he slept over the previous night, but you didn’t have sex. you’d spent it laughing over the dumbest things and blasting music as you drove around without a destination.

your’re sitting with your knees pulled against your chest, scrolling lazily on your phone while you and yūji eat handfuls of cereal straight from the box between you.

it’s mostly quiet for once; comfortably silent. neither of you have ever really been a morning person.

— BUT U KNOW I LIKE IT

the ice cracks a little when he stops shoving your hand away to grab himself another handful of cereal. you notice, and then you wonder if you always noticed little things like that, because it feels kind of weird to. not that you mind.

meanwhile, yūji watches you, studying the way your hair falls messily around your face, the way one sleeve of your sweatshirt is rolled halfway up your forearm and the other is pulled all the way over your hand.

the living room is bright, surrounded by windows, and you’re illuminated by light yellow late-morning sunlight all around and he feels safe looking at you.

the ice cracks a little more when he says your name softly.

“hm?” you say, confusedly looking up at him.

“nothing,” he answers, too quickly. “i’m just... happy right now.”

you smile, radiant. “i’m glad you are.”

—

in the afternoon, you’ve grown bored and are wandering the streets of your neighborhood, voicing thoughts and pointing out people you pass by.

it’s still early, but it’s january, so the sun is already beginning to set.

when you’re a couple minutes out from your house, yūji goes quiet, and it stays like that for the rest of the walk.

and then, as he stands next to you while you unlock the door, he blurts, “i have to tell you something.”

you freeze. “what?”

it’s silent for a bit. “never mind.”

“yūji—”

“it’s okay,” he says softly.

he wants to shrink away from your gaze as you study him. he knows you know there’s something amiss, and second thoughts have almost always been his own personal hell.

graciously, though, you don’t ask. and it’s like stepping through a portal when you’re back inside; it’s all forgotten and back to how it was before.

—

but: a little while later, you’re lying side-by-side on your bed watching netflix again, and for whatever reason you turn to look at him for a moment and it’s just—

you can’t look away. and you don’t know why.

he can feel your eyes on him and it burns, and he wonders how much longer he can keep this up before he loses his mind.

when he doesn’t turn to face you, you call his name softly.

“hm?”

after an uncomfortable moment of hesitation, you say, “something’s up.”

“what?”

“yūji,” you repeat, and he forgets to breathe for a second. “are you going to tell me what’s going on?”

the mattress shifts under his weight as he sits up, resting his head in his hands. he takes a deep breath and can’t bring himself to meet your eyes.

“what’s wrong?” it sounds less like a question and more like a plea.

“i—” he starts, and then stops himself. “i can’t, i can’t do this to you.”

“can’t do what?”

there’s a painful silence, heavy with anticipation and maybe a little bit of dread.

“i don’t wanna keep hooking up with you.”

you sit up, too.

“did i...? do something wrong?”

he shakes his head and sighs, and he sounds exasperated. “it’s... no, it’s— i think...” and he seems to grow more frustrated as he fails to verbalize whatever it is, this strange cold fire stinging in the pit of his stomach.

“what do you think?” you whisper.

and he stands and walks to the door. his hand rests on the knob and he whispers back, in a voice that sounds precariously close to breaking, “you, when i... y’know. ’m sorry.”

and he’s gone.

and you have no idea what to think, both of what he just said and the fact that it sends an excited buzz through your nerves, even though it probably shouldn’t.

— IT'S HARD N IT'S HARDER TO ADMIT

his words are stuck in your head all night, have you caught somewhere in between laughing and crying.

you want to call him, ask him what the fuck is going on and why you think you kind of like it, but you don’t.

but when you look over at your alarm clock to see that it’s 2:00 a.m. and sleep refuses to let you succumb to it and you relent to the warm emptiness between your legs, it’s yūji whom you imagine is there to fill it.

you think of the way his tongue trails down the expanse of your neck, the way he feels inside you, as you whine into your pillow and desperately try to make yourself come.

it doesn’t even occur to you until later, when you’re waking up to sunlight slicing through your half-open blinds. and then it does, and you text him: i do that too.

he doesn’t text back, but ten minutes later, your phone rings. he sounds breathless.

“be here in ten,” he says.

you pause. “okay.”

and you are. he throws open the door as he hears your car pull up and jogs out to meet you, and all he gives you is a quick, “hey,” before dragging you inside.

there’s no one else home, so he motions for you to have a seat at the kitchen table and takes the one next to you.

“do what too?”

“what?”

“what you texted me.”

you look down, studying the seams of your sleeve and feeling your breathing go shallow.

“do what too?” he repeats.

and softly, you say, “want you.”

yūji stands, pulling you to your feet with him. “want me how?”

your eyes are wide and a little bit sad as you stare up at him. “i don’t know.”

then he cracks a tiny smile. “good,” he says, “i don’t either.

except he does.

he wants you every way, your presence, your time, your body, your fucking soul, all of it. but he doesn’t say that.

when you kiss him, he implodes, melts into your arms as if he’s trying to fuse your bodies together. but he says nothing of it.

the feeling of your wrist in his hand, the sound of your giddy giggles as he leads you to his bedroom—for now, that’s enough.

he takes it slow.

when he’s shut the door and ensured it’s locked, he turns to find you’ve already tossed your top on the floor.

a smile meets yours, gentle fingertips on your cheek, a soft whisper against your hair: “put it back on; i wanna do it myself.”

and you laugh and oblige, shivering at the now-familiar sensation of the warm metal bead on his tongue against your lip as his hand finds its way to your ass and squeezes gently.

“yūji,” you whisper.

“i like it when you say my name like that,” he murmurs into your shoulder, rubbing gently up and down your back underneath your shirt.

“hmm,” comes your contented response.

and then his fingers are rubbing gently against the hem of your shirt, easing it up to reveal your body inch by inch, and you shiver a little under his feather-light touch.

lifting your arms up, you allow him to slip your shirt back over your head, and then his hands are all over you again, squeezing your breasts through your bra and tracing lines up and down the center of your back. the little metal ball on his tongue presses against your lower lip. you tug at the hem of his hoodie, and he pulls it off.

the feeling of his skin on yours is nothing new now, and yet this time, there’s a certain nuance to it that he can’t place.

he wonders how you want him again; can’t stop wondering as you lead his hand down to the button on your jeans, laughing a little as he kneels at your feet to unzip them.

as he pulls them slowly down your legs he lines your thighs with little, butterfly-soft kisses, murmuring unintelligible praises.

when you’re left in only your bra and panties, he wraps his arms around your waist and falls backward onto the mattress, taking you down with him. you sit up a little, so that you’re straddling him, and he lets out a low sigh.

“you are fucking incredible,” he breathes as you suck gently at his neck, leaving light marks that will have faded by tomorrow.

your fingers trace the dips between his abs, tantalizingly, eventually making their way all the way down his stomach to the waistband of his sweats, and then a little further, palming his dick through them and feeling how fucking hard he is.

he groans a little, says, “please don’t tease me,” as you continue to do exactly that, but he doesn’t stop you.

when you shift a little so that you’re positioned right over him, soaking panties rubbing a tiny little wet spot into the tent of his erection, he sits up and gathers your body into his arms, lips and tongue moving against yours as one hand unclips your bra while the other settles itself on your hip, grinding you down against him. you press your thighs together at this feeling of pure need you’re experiencing and he pulls his mouth away and looks you in the eye.

“may i?” he whispers, and you smile and nod, laughing as he rolls you off of him to rid himself of the rest of his clothes and dig a condom out of his bedside table, which he hands to you.

you’re impatient as you tear it open but force yourself to roll it onto him slowly, studying his face as he revels in the feeling of your fingers grazing lightly against his dick.

once it’s on, he flips you over again, laughing, and exhales slowly as he slides your panties down your legs and tosses them somewhere on the floor to be found later. his fingertips ghost gently down the sides of your thighs as he bends down to lick a long stripe between your legs and across your clit.

“fuck,” you breathe as he groans softly against your skin, the vibrations sending an electrifying buzz up your spine.

he presses his tongue flat against you, metal bar circling your clit teasingly, and then he pulls away and groans, “sit on my face,” his words hurried and slurred with lust.

so you let him move to lie on his back and straddle his face, giggling as he wraps his hands around your thighs to pull you closer.

“aw, don’t be shy, i thought that’s the whole point of this,” he says.

and then his mouth is back on you again, tongue flicking slowly and carefully, taking in your every response, and soon he’s got you shaking on top of him, grasping at the headboard and his shoulders and tangling your fingers in his hair.

he keeps going after you’ve already finished, making you writhe and whimper, only letting go of you once he’s satisfied.

he pushes you backward so that you’re still sitting with your knees on either side of him and he sits up, leaning back against the headboard. his lips are on yours, then, and he’s pulling your hips to his, the head of his cock nudging ever-so-lightly against your entrance.

“quit teasing me,” you whine when he grips your waist, refusing to let you sit yourself on his dick.

“i’m not.”

“yes you are!”

“‘m not,” he mumbles, smiling, as he draws his lips down the curve of your left shoulder and back up again. “i’m savoring the moment.”

you huff. “you can savor it with your cock in me.” and yūji does his best not to show it, but the high he gets from those words alone, from knowing how desperate you are for him, even if it’s just for his body, sends him straight to heaven. because regardless of how much of him you want, it’s still only him that you want in this moment, and right now that’s enough.

you allow him to move at his own pace, his movements slow, languid as he holds you to his chest, one hand around your waist and the other reaching up to tangle his fingers in your hair. he lets himself say the things he wants now.

“kiss me?” he whispers, and you oblige happily. you taste like him, and he’s so content he could lose his mind.

instead he loses himself to you, shaky breaths between “god, you’re so good,” and “you have no idea… how long i’ve waited… for you to want me like this.” there’s a single thing he holds back from saying, but he still plans on saying it. he’s just saving it for the right moment.

you’re drunk off of him, your body shuddering against him with every touch of his skin to yours, not knowing what to say and yet feeling as if you know everything you’ve ever needed to. and you say it for him.

“i love you.”

the words are barely there, just a breath against his lips as you kiss him, and it’s too much for him. he finishes with something akin to a sob, taking your face into his hands. “i love you,” he responds. and then, “say it again? please?”

you close your eyes and smile, leaning into him and brushing your lips against his. “i love you, yūji.”

his hand’s on the back of your head, then, pushing you back to his mouth, wanting you closer, wanting more. and you want more, too, fingers tracing lines down his back and arms and stomach, sending waves of light through his skin. this is it, he thinks as you press your body tight against his, this is all there is.

you are everything to him.

— SOMETHING ABT U I CAN’T QUIT

in each other’s arms later that evening, you feel yūji’s chest move slowly up and down with each inhale and exhale, contented in sharing this silent moment with you, and then you know. you know how you want him. you open your mouth to speak, and he does at the exact same time. the two of you share a laugh, just like you always have.

“you first,” you say, propping yourself up on your elbow so that you can look at him properly.

he reaches up and rests a hand flat against your face and runs his thumb lightly over your bottom lip. “i am…” the words are slow and quiet and purposeful. “i am so in love with you.”

your smile widens against his hand. “i want you. everything… about you, with you. i want it all.”

and he mirrors your grin, just like he always has. “i’m yours to take.” his eyes flit down to your lips, his thumb still pressed against them, afraid to look you in the eye as he speaks his next words. his face flushes pink; it’s adorable. “say you’re mine, too?” it’s a request, a plea—not a command.

you reach up to your face and place your hand over his. “all yours,” you say. “don’t even have to ask.”

it’s silent for a bit again, and then he sits up, going a little more serious.

“what?”

“what happens if this doesn’t last?”

you sit up, too, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and gently pulling his head to rest against yours. “after all these years?”

“hmm.”

you think for a moment: after all these years. your whole lives, spent together, maybe not as lovers but always as two halves of a whole. it’s him you always gossip to first, whom you always went to after heartbreaks and fights with your parents. he’s the first one you told when you lost your virginity, crashed your car, got into one of your top universities. he’s held your hand through everything.

so finally you say, “i don’t think that’s going to be a problem.”

he pulls away to look you in the eye. “why not?”

his nose brushes against yours as you lean your forehead against his and laugh a little. “are you dumb, yūji?”

“i don’t think so?” when you say nothing, just continuing to look at him with that shit-eating grin on your face, he goes, “am i missing something?”

you press your lips to his for a second and pull away, still smiling at him. “it’s us, yūji. always has been.”