#I wanted to ask them all who they intended to fucking vote for this year

[littleraeofsunshineda]

the state of the NHS after fourteen years of Tories is a terrifying and miserable capitalist hellscape

case in point, me, the last week or so:

have uti, picked up from a partner's infection. Very simple easy thing to treat. This one is a nasty little bugger, I feel like shit.

call gp. Ask for appointment.

No appointments.

At length told a pharmacy can prescribe 3 days of antibiotics without you seeing gp. Excellent!

Receive antibiotics. At this point we are ~3-4 days in. That's also how long it's been since I had a proper night's sleep because I HAVE TO GET UP TO PEE FOUR TIMES.

Antibiotics produce great improvement, but (surprise) perhaps not 100% by the time I finish the course. Nevrthless, am told by pharmacy I can't get any more from them. I must go to gp.

Call gp. Come down at 8am physically to surgery next day.

Arrive at 7.47. 12th in the queue. Total queue reaches >20 by 8am. For a cool parallel, they run out of appointments at person 8. The poor receptionist looks like if she has to tell one more person there's nothing she can do, she'll cry.

Receptionist tells me I can try again tmm (arrive at 7.30? I wonder thoughtfully) or try submitting a request through The App. Someone will call me today. I thank her and submit it in the car before I leave.

3.55 (GPs generally close at 4pm). No call. I squish down the fear that I am Karen-ing and call in. "I'm so sorry," I say, "do you know if I WILL be called today?"

She says I might get one up to 6pm, but that will only be a receptionist who will be booking an appointment in the next couple of weeks. "This can't wait two weeks," I say. "Your own guidance says so."

"There's nothing I can do," she says, and: "You shouldn't be using the online system for things that are urgent, anyway." "I tried to get an emergency appointment and there was nothing: I was TOLD to use this," I say, helplessly. "...Well anyway," she says, "the receptionist might call you by six."

AHA! I think. I am immensely lucky and have some small health insurance through work - including virtual gp. Maybe they can help! I book an appointment through that platform, relieved.

The appointment is over the phone within an hour - phenomenal. She tells me that she is not allowed to prescribe me anything: the uti not fully clearing up in 3 days of antibiotics means I need specialist urine testing as there is likely resistance. It needs to happen immediately, today, tonight, because I am at risk of a kidney infection. She can only refer me back to the NHS.

I say "but they don't have anything, and I can't argue - the poor receptionist can't do anything about not having appointments."

"You have to fight," she says. "You have to be seen. Go to urgent care if you have to."

It is now 6.05pm. The receptionist has not called.

Guess I'm spending the evening in a&e.

This is the struggle to get basic healthcare in the UK right now, and there is very often NO OPTION other than A&E. I HAVE some level of "private healthcare", and they could not do anything. Imagine what it's like for most people who don't even have the tiny level of access for a virtual GP to tell them that they ARE right, and they DO need to make a fuss.

I have been crying on and off all day. This is just not having healthcare. I wish I had any confidence at all that we'll change how we vote as a country.

[qqueenofhades]

I would like to... gently shake the people going 'Dick Cheney/Alberto Gonzalez/[insert neoconservative architect here] endorsing Harris is entirely and only a bad look for Harris' because that's not the point. And like, I get feeling weird about it (I've been unimpressed with Dick's backpedaling since Liz Cheney got primaried), but: Trump is proving too extreme for THE PEOPLE WHO MADE HIM POSSIBLE. This is their consequences. THAT'S the point.

Look, this is what I think about it: I fucking hate Dick Cheney and all the architects of the Bush Junior neoconservatism-early-aughts-War-on-Terror-Patriot-Act-No-Child-Left-Behinding Republican Party that laid the groundwork for the Tea Party and then for Trump. If there was any justice in the world, Dubya would be at the Hague for a war crimes tribunal and not allowed to sit in Texas painting dogs and enjoying a quiet retirement. But he was fortunate to be the president of the most powerful country in the world, and America doesn't obey international law unless it feels like it, so that's what we get. (And yes, someone asked Dubya if he was going to endorse in 2024, following Cheney, and was told, no doubt with much pious handwringing, that "President Bush retired from presidential politics many years ago." But he's still raising money for MAGA Senate candidates in Pennsylvania, evidently. Fuck you, George W. Bush. Kids these days don't say it enough.)

However, since literally the entire pre-Trump establishment Republican party is now deciding that Trump is too insane, fascist, and dangerous even for them, I'm not surprised but still annoyed that Online Leftist Logic (TM) has translated that to "Harris must secretly be an early-noughties hard-right neocon Republican and that's why they want to vote for her!!!" Most if not all of them have said that they openly disagree with her policies but are voting for her anyway because she is the only way to maintain American constitutional democracy. And yes, we're all shocked that DICK FUCKING CHENEY, architect of the Iraq War and the Patriot Act, felt that there was in fact a line of fascist government overreach that he wasn't willing to cross, but if that's the case -- if even these completely terrible warmongering corporate assholes are like "uh Trump is too bad even for us to support," then you should, I don't know, maybe listen to that. But as ever, I search for logic in vain.

Likewise: Harris has made zero policy concessions to these Republicans and she never went fishing for Cheney's endorsement specifically. She didn't suddenly declare Iraq a totally okay and normal thing in order to get Cheney and his warhawks on board, and yes, Old Dickhead probably has no small amount of personal motive to get back at Trump considering what he did to Liz. But that's the thing where apparently political motives should only ever be pure, moral, and Perfect, and taking the right action for the "wrong" reasons is still disqualifying because you weren't thinking enough pure moral thoughts while you did it, or something. I don't give a fuck why Cheney decided to vote for Harris, because I don't respect his opinion and can't foresee myself ever doing so. But because we are in an unprecedented historical moment where even DICK GODDAMN CHENEY thinks that Donald Trump is too dangerous to ever have power again, I will thank him for doing that and that alone and then tell him to hit the f'n road if he thinks he deserves a scrap of credit or Democratic policy concessions for it. He doesn't. He sucks. But he's still making a choice that we need to see made at this moment, and people who don't get that, as usual, can STFU.

Basically: Cheney's endorsement is not directed at you, and it's not intended to move voters who already fit your profile and therefore think, like I do, that Cheney can eat shit. It's directed to all the career-Republican-politician types who can see him doing that and decide that they can do the same thing. Hell, we just had 17 former staffers of Ronald Reagan announcing their Harris endorsement (in addition to the 200+ Bush, McCain, Romney alumni who already signed on and all the ex-Trump officials at the DNC) and going so far as to insist that Ol' Ronnie Raygun himself would have supported Harris. Now look. I hate Ronald Reagan more than any other twentieth-century president. The degree to which he ALSO laid the groundwork for incredible damage to America cannot be overstated. But because I am not an idiot, I can see that this does not mean Harris has suddenly turned into Reagan in her policies. So. Yeah.

The other thing to note here is that Harris has seen the advantage in cultivating a bipartisan coalition and making a cross-party case for voting her to preserve American democracy. Now, a lot of the Republicans have said that they are going to stay Republicans and they want to purge their party of Trump and MAGAism, they are trying to buy time for that transition to happen by voting for Harris, and while I have never voted for or agreed with a Republican in my whole life, I actually think that's a good thing! I don't WANT to fear the end of American democracy every four years because the Republican Party has become a screaming shitgibboning insane vehicle of American Gilead while inciting stochastic terrorism against Springfield, Ohio and everyone else who doesn't bow down to Trumpist Dear Leader and his KKK alt-right Elon Muskified supporters! I don't WANT this howling fascist conspiracy-theory-puppet-of-Vladimir-Putin black hole of violence to be just what we have to accept as the center-right (except you know, now far-far-far-far-can't-see-it-with-a-telescope-right) party in America! I would prefer it if we had a functioning democracy again where both parties were engaging in fair competitiveness and good faith and had the basic premise of making people's lives better, even if they disagreed about how to do it! I would REALLY like it if we could go back to the days of disagreeing about taxes and foreign policy and social welfare -- you know, NORMAL THINGS -- instead of Commander Vance and the Project 2025 foot soldiers trying to install a theocratic fascist dictatorship! I WOULD LIKE THAT A WHOLE LOT!

That said: I have pretty much reached my limit with asking people to vote. I have done it for 8+ years (since before Trump was elected the first time) and I'm done. Either you know the stakes of this election at this point, or you're so blindly and stupidly committed to misunderstanding them that there's nothing I or anyone else can possibly do to convince you. I still see people posting a lot of stuff from the bad-faith anti-democratic leftist cranks and arguing with them endlessly and... why? Why? Why are you giving them the oxygen and exposure that they crave, and which is giving them more attention than anyone else is giving them? Block them. Mute them. STOP ENGAGING WITH EVERYTHING THEY SAY EVEN IF YOU'RE TRYING TO REFUTE IT. It's not going to work, and at this point, it's not remotely conducive to winning this election. The Great Myth of the Undecided Voter (TM) is another one that, I hope, can finally bite the dust, and the actual undecided voters who are out there are not the ones posting dirtbag leftist bullshit about Harris on The Website Formerly Known as Twitter. This election is now completely down to a numbers game: who can make their identified voters turn out to vote. So please. Spend your time and energy on reaching those folks, who might want to or have said they will vote but need a push or extra help to make sure they do.

That being the case, if lifelong Republicans want to vote for Harris and help defeat a Trump dictatorship, they're actually being more helpful for the cause of American democracy than every single shrieking Online Leftist out there, and maybe they should think about that. I'm amused at how they still think they can make demands of the Democrats, because -- when your entire plan from the word go has been "I'm not voting for the Democrats and there's nothing you can do to make me!!!" -- why are you surprised that they don't take your thoughts and opinions into account? That's the basic simplest Democracy 101 version of how electoral politics works. If you have removed yourself from their voter pool and laugh and scoff at any suggestion that you should enter it, then they're not gonna listen to you or think that they should make policy to appease you (which is good, because most of these people are fucking nuts). That's why they're blowing a gasket disowning AOC, still one of the most left-wing members in the House, because she wants to actually win and make real changes in society and has reached a happy-ish marriage with the Democratic party, instead of virtuously losing her seat and becoming irrelevant like some other members of the Squad who got primaried out this year. And the Democrats have accepted many of AOC's views as mainstream policy! She didn't change, but she stayed in the party and worked with it, and the party as a whole is moving to where she was all along. But because any hint of compromise or working to get results, rather than just posting self-righteous screeds on the internet, is Bad, she had to go, I guess. Or something.

Anyway. That's the that on that. If you want to win this election, target and talk to the people who have already identified themselves as likely or possible voters, they just need that extra push to become definite voters. I'm over the anti-democratic hypocritical leftist cranks as much as I am the screaming shitgibboning racist-mob-inciting fascists. If it takes some Republicans gritting their teeth and getting on board the "let's save American democracy" boat with me, then fine. They're actually willing to do the smallest tiny thing to make that outcome come about, and that means, for right now, they are the enemy of my enemy and I'll accept their help. After that, I would in fact like it if we had a sane center-right party again, once Trump is in jail and we can fumigate the MAGA rot. It's up to them.

[oliviawebsite]

as a communist who actually does work in my community i'm interested to hear why you think not voting in an effective manner against project 2025 is a logical and helpful course of action.

i doubt you asked this in good faith but ill entertain you just this once

1) i live in california. biden will win this state easily. my vote LITERALLY does not matter.

2) to say im "not voting against project 2025" is disingenuous as all hell. im obviously opposed to that platform and i intend to vote down-ballot for candidates who would oppose its measures in congress. also joe biden has done NOTHING to protect trans people. look at how his admin has recently dropped all support for youth trans healthcare. he is not fucking helping us. honestly not a fan of the way you worded this its deeply condescending.

3) i intend to cast a vote for a candidate who will not use our military force and imperalist wealth to exploit and murder people all over the world. i am opposed to united states imperialism before anything else and believe this country needs to stay out of everyones business. im sick of seeing our "leaders" excuse the ceaseless murder of palestinians with a smile on their face. as a "communist" this should be your main driving force as well anon, tbh. as long as democrats run imperalist candidates i will not vote for them

4) if biden somehow manages to win this year, the dems are still famous for their concessions to the right. what makes you think he wouldnt sign half of proect 2025's policies into law for the sake of "reaching across the aisle" or some bullshit. plenty of dems have given up on protecting trans right because its a "bad look" and they are the party of spineless cowards setting that aside the right just regroups and makes project 2029, 2033 and so on. to blame individuals for "not voting effectively" (are you sure youre actually a commie anon lmao) is missing the forest for the trees. fascism is already entrenched in every aspect of american politics. this is a cultural sickness enabled by a system that allows hatred-as-politics to thrive. its the fault of the monsters who want to do this in the first place not some internet tranny in a blue state who wants to at least try and vote my true conscious.

there is no moral justification to vote for biden. to blame me and people like me for project 2025 is honestly disgusting. you should be ashamed of yourself and never send me or anyone else an ask like this again. if you are really a "communist" sit down and think about what you are REALLY supporting when you chastise people for not wanting to vote for EITHER of the Senile Genociders being presented by the 2 party partnership. see ya

[decolonize-the-everything]

Okay so as a non-American, i'm curious: what's the deal with Biden v Trump? How did it end up with only these two if everyone hates them so fucking much? If there are only two candidates, and neither are votable, what are people supposed to do on election day? Do you have a way of annulating the vote such that it doesn't just go to the candidate with the most votes? Or are you planning to just not vote and pay the fee? Wait, is voting even compulsory over there? If it isn't, are you just gonna not vote? Would that be better? Or is there some mysterious 3rd candidate no one's mentioned?

Dems & Republicans the only parties with ballot access because they're the only parties with money. They have money because they serve the interests of corporations, shareholders, etc.

Non-democrat and non-republican parties have limited ballot access across the 50 states and in order to get on the ballots, they have to meet whatever the standards are for ballot access in each individual state. Sometimes it's automatic, sometimes they need petitions, sometimes they need a Lot more than that. And doing all that costs money which again, a lot of them don't have.

If you don't have ballot access in all 50 states then you are at a risk of losing. You see, each state has a designated number of delegates. You need a certain amount to win. Some states have over 100 delegates. If you don't have ballot access in all 50 states then you NEED to win more delegates in the states you do have just to keep up.

This is why most people are stuck voting democrat or Republican even if we don't want to. And it's why we're told they're the more "realistic" choices.

That said, tere are several Really Decent 3rd parties running and I intend to vote for Jasmine Sherman if she's on my ballot in November. She is an AMAZING candidate if you ask me. Not perfect, but leagues ahead of our other options.

HOWEVER. Do to more bullshit, my vote won't matter as the state I'm in sends their delegates to whoever the majority of the state votes for... Which will likely be Biden.

Also Biden is only the nominee of democrats at the moment. He is not the only democrat running. The Democratic party does hold a Primary Vote to determine who will be the official nominee. Democrats have Very Shitty options this year. None are as shitty and violent as Biden, but- actually idk why they don't just vote for someone else. They could absolutely vote for a different democratic nominee.

The primaries are happening right now though, and it doesn't seem like that will happen.

Republicans do the same thing. Trump is running as Republican and like Biden, is expected to win the primary.

The winners of the primary are who people have a choice to elect for president in November.

Hence why our options are Biden v Trump.

Other 3rd party candidates will hold their own primaries (if the party they're in has more than one person running).

Again tho, there is no guarantee that they will be on the ballot in every state.

I personally don't know if annulating a vote is even possible.

Voting is not compulsory & there is no fee for not voting.

It's also not entirely accessible and every year democrats and Republicans fuck with voter boundaries and cut more polling places which makes voting take like ALL DAY if there's only one poll near you that needs to serve your region. God forbid you're disabled or elderly and want to cast a vote in a place like that..

TLDR: Our entire voting system is absolute trash and intentionally complicated to keep the capitalist two main parties in power.

[myths-tournaments]

Awful Characters Semi-finals (1/2)

Propaganda under the cut!

IANTHE TRIDENTARIUS

Her number one hobby is ruining every person's that she knows life. Her second hobby is being soooo slutty about it despite looking like a literal wet rat. Her third hobby is having an extremely unhealthy relationship with her twin. Her other hobbies include cannibalism, wearing a maid outfit, being extremely convinced she is the main character, the badboy sexy love interest and the villain. 'Why', you may ask. Well, the answer is, for shits and giggles #justgirlythings i, aswell as literally everybody else in the fandom have gone through the pipeline from hating her to desperately wanting to fuck her. expect for i still fucking hope she dies and doesn't come back for good. (that would literally solve all of everybody's problems) as god intended (EXPECT FOR. one of her hobbies literally is gaslighting god) She is fucking horrible i will love her until i die and even after that

parks and recs jean ralphio voice she's the woooorst!! The moment she learns she has to kill someone to become a Lyctor (aka a more special necromancer), she doesn't hesitate to kill and cannibalize the guy who has been her cavalier since childhood… cavalier who she also totally bullied as kids, she was allowed to choose one guest for her and her twin sister's birthday party each year, and she would always pick whoever she thought her cavalier didn't want to see there! While other characters are shown to regret the process of becoming a Lyctor (which involves someone close to them dying)/were forced into it because of circumstances, Ianthe has absolutely no regrets, she believes she did what she had to do

The author once said of Ianthe: "I don't think she's been nice to anyone, if she has I'll go back and change it." She killed and ate the soul of someone she has known all her life so that she could become a necromantic saint and tormented him plenty before that. General negging, ganging up against him, always inviting people he didn't like to their birthday parties. She doesn't regret killing him. I think she is repulsed by the idea that his digested soul is affecting hers. She helped her crush lobotomise herself so she would be in Ianthe's debt, and later lied and said she didn't see the corpse of a woman her crush killed under her bed (why did she do that? I do not know). She has a bone arm because her original arm was cut off, she hated the replacement so her crush cut THAT off and grew her a new one out of just bones. She had it gilded and only after that did she decide to help her crush deal with the person who had been repeatedly trying to kill her. She wants so badly to be the main character but people keep interrupting her villain monologues.

she has her own content warning tag

She's such a bitch to everyone all the time, she causes nothing but problems, she tries to do a villain speech but fumbles it because her tummy hurt, she is the awfulgirl of all time

AZULA

Azula explicitly considers herself a monster. She says needlessly cruel things to her brother and friends. She kills the show's twelve-year-old protagonist and masterminds the idea of burning down the entire Earth Kingdom to force them to submit to Fire Nation rule. I have absolutely seen people get called abuse apologists for thinking she's a cool character. But she's also a (canonically) mentally ill fourteen-year-old who was raised by her father to see her ability to be weaponized as her only value. Her mother, arguably the only adult in her life who could have had a positive impact, had a strained relationship with her because she was more difficult than her brother, and then disappeared when she was nine. Her uncle, who was her brother's main healthy role model, took absolutely no interest in her. She watched her father belittle her brother for years and eventually throw him away when he failed to meet his expectations, so that was a threat she was always facing. She really had no chance. And she also has moments that suggest she wants some sort of meaningful connection with another person. She lets her brother take credit for killing the Avatar so he can come back from exile, even though it means she'll be bumped back in the order of succession and offers him advice that seems genuine. Her spiral into a mental breakdown starts when her friends betray her. She's just a much more interesting and multifaceted than a lot of the fandom gives her credit for.

[bakafox]

Made the mistake of reading notes on a political post again.

Wondering where the FUCK people saying things like "Biden has bragged about deporting more people than Trump" get their news. Seriously I really want to know where Biden went on record bragging he has deported more people than Trump.

The last graphs I recall about deportation numbers and the like showed a rise since Biden took office- after the sharp drop during the worst of Covid, that was still not as high as pre-Covid Trump year numbers. The years before Covid, Trump's administration had one hell of a high number for a lot of shit that people keep saying Biden's administration has made worse. It's like the climate denial graphs that say ice sheets are growing that show only one year's cycle and not the previous years' ever increasing declines.

Project 2025 also openly aims to deport at least 15 million people from the US.

And of course I can understand the rage that Biden hasn't just somehow told the GOP they can't pull the shit they're pulling and slam them all in jail for their anti-trans shit and abortion shit and everything else but like, it is so misdirected and also would require Biden, the man they say is so fucking awful, to become a dictator or at the very least, to greatly expand the power of the executive branch.

The sort of power play that Trump fucking intends to do according to the GOP's own Project 2025 statements and Trump's very researchable and public ranting.

And the sort of shit Trump will be able to do if the GOP controls House, Senate, and White House, compared to the current world where the GOP has unfortunate majorities in places but isn't the sweeping overall majority.

So like, yeah Biden hasn't taken the steps to force state governments to fall into line OR ELSE but Trump will.

Ahahha I even still remember Trump trying to defund the shit out of my somewhat impoverished blue state during BLM! It is something directly in my memory! Remember him wanting to send in the National guard and shit to blue/liberal areas and wanting to shame and wrench control away? BECAUSE I DO.

The US system is busted and needs a shit tone of reforms and repairs but has managed so far to keep things from hitting the kind of rock bottom that is very likely ahead and very damn quickly when and if Trump or any other GOP type candidate gets the office of President while all other seats also fill with like-minded individuals because not enough people vote against them.

And I still fail to see how the implementation of Project 2025 will actually help Palestine or any other corner of the world rather than make shit worse in those places too, for all the one-issue non-voters.

Project 2025 literally says it will heighten support of Israel and Nentanyahu himself wants Trump to win and actively hates Biden because Biden chastises his decisions even to degrees that almost no one supporting Gaza thinks are enough.

Nentanyahu when visiting the US stayed as a guest of Trump's family, rather than being asked to even pay the bribes and enrichment of staying in a Trump hotel, they are allies.

Trump winning will make things worse at home, and there's people saying they don't care about that, and we deserve it, collectively, as a people, which I fucking disagree with, because collective punishment is bullshit regardless of who the 'collective' group is, but it will also make things worse abroad. He will directly put full US political, financial, and military support towards Putin and Netanyahu and other far right ideologues around the world.

[noys-boise]

hello hi hm do you mayhaps have any howard the duck fun facts that movie Fasinated me

you have activated my autism from over a year ago so Brace Yourself because this is straight up going to be a history lesson in. duck comic/movie

i think I'm just going to tell you the full history of Howard as a character. yeah sorry.

so Howard was created kind of as a joke in 1974 in a marvel comic series called Adventure into fear written by Steve Gerber. he didn't intend on using this smoking, swearing, slightly off donald duck parody of a character very much and just killed him off like an issue after introducting him but people really didn't like that. like REALLY didn't like that. they sent in dead ducks to marvel through mail as protest I'm Not even joking!

so Gerber brought Howard back in the Giant-sized Man-thing series. this is where the lore of him falling to earth from space and landing in Cleveland started. he was sort of having these solo adventures where he fought first a frog man and then a vampire cow (Bessie the hellcow my beloved!!! i love her!!) and also went to jail that was a whole thing. but basically the whole experience left him miserable and suicidal. cut to his solo comic run starting in 1976. Howard the duck comics officially start and it's with Howard contemplating suicide and he gets really close to comitting before he meets Beverly and they go through this little adventure together to escape a financial wizard and fucking Spider-man shows up?? it's a whole thing, Howard ends up moving in with Bev instead of killing himself by the end

I'm not going to explain the whole original Howard comic run I'll just say it's a wild ride that includes Howard running for president (he received actual real life write in votes!!) then having a mental breakdown after fighting a canadian beaver man and bonding with some random neurodivergent girl he met on a bus after fighting with his nemesis the kidney lady again, Beverly being forced to marry a man who calls himself doctor bong and wears a bell on his head then divorcing him after cloning him and threatening to sue for child neglect (Gerber admitted that the drug reference was fully unintentional which is really funny to me), Howard punching a homophobe in the face and etc this is barely scratching the surface.

there's also issue #16 which is infamous for being right before a very big story arc and not having anything to do with the plot because Gerber missed his deadline again and he decided to just. write an essay on deadlines instead. yeah so basically he was too neurodivergent for this and I'm not just saying that he legitimately was neurodivergent he got fired from marvel for missing too many deadlines eventually.

that is when things got.. interesting with Howard. the original run wasn't finished at all yet so they kind of had to get other people to finish it but it didn't really work anymore and then they even made a black and white htd magazine which wasn't very popular but my personal hot take is that I'm a big fan of it actually.

there's also the lawsuit where Disney caught up that this guy looks dangerously similar to donald duck so their solutions was to just.. force Howard to wear pants. well that's an oversimplification they made more rules for how he has to look but the pants thing is objectively the funniest. also this happened back when Gerber was writing Howard he just refused to comfort to these rules so instead they got implemented during the magazine in a pretty iconic storyline imo. anyways the point is there's a lot of insanity around this.

and then the movie. i already mentioned that George Lucas was a big fan of the original comics and wanted to adapt it to a movie but instead of doing it himself he asked his friends Willard Hyuck and Gloria Katz to direct it and while he produced it. except as i also already mentioned said friends knew nothing about the comics and i.. don't think they ever really read them?

there were also a lot of things they wanted to do but couldn't like they originally wanted it to be animated but didn't have the budget, they originally got Robin Williams to voice Howard but he gave up because he found the role too limiting (and I'm honestly glad for that because i wouldn't have ever gotten into htd if it wasn't for Chip Howard) and the fact that they were pretty limited by the studio they were working with into some plot beats. it was kind of just a disaster all around with a lot of creative differences and technical limitations all over the place.

also as i said Robin Williams was supposed to voice Howard originally and they had to replace him really last minute and didn't really know what to do until one of the producers decided to watch a musical called Merrily we roll along starring Chip Zien and asked him if he's interested in being in this movie, telling him he sounds like a duck. which is probably not exactly what you want to hear after performing in a musical but he took the role anyways.

and btw despite everything regarding the production, everyone involved really expected this to be a hit and then it just.. wasn't. like at all. like it's one of the most notorious flop movies today for all the wrong reasons. like there's a lot of valid criticisms one could make about the plot and stuff but I think people just choose to focus on the interspecies part a lot which is upsetting to me. but yeah most of the actors went on to just straight up deny they were in this movie. not Chip and Lea though, they own it proudly which makes me happy

i could also rant a lot more about later Howard adaptations because there's even more insane lore there but i think this is already long enough for now, I'll maybe get back to that later

[darsynia]

Sneak Peek: Repeat After Me

Tony Stark/Reader 'Mob AU' (set in Loki's 'Empire' after the Avengers lost in 2012)

Written for Round 1 of Trope Madness to vote for Soulmate AU, I was searching for a way to put a fresh spin on Soulmate Words, and came up with this. I decided to combine this with @caplanbuckybarnes's Three Words Challenge and use the words 'Don't look back.'

Tags: @ronearoundblindly @chickensarentcheap @themaradaniels @starksbf @tiny-anne @starryeyes2000

Let me know if you'd like to be tagged! It's... probably going turn into a series. I'm really enjoying the worldbuilding.

Repeat After Me

You might be the only person who has both soulmate words written on your body.

Repeat after me: don’t look back.

At first, you’d found them comforting. After all, they’re predictable in a way almost no one else’s words are: if you’re right about them, it means you can choose whether to speak those fateful words aloud. Then Loki came with his Chitauri army, and everything changed.

It’s been ten years since Lord Loki became the ruler of the world; ten years of societal restructure and bleak acquiescence. It turns out that humans are well adapted to be ruled, just as he’d said-- but perhaps not quite in the way he’d intended. Everyone has figured out their own way to survive, whether it’s in one of the densely populated city-states, the agricultural backwaters, or the uneasy suburban sprawl that straddles both extremes.

You’re one of the few who can travel easily through all three, and you pride yourself on that. Pre-Empire, you’d been a top exec at a shipping company, and your talent for managing large egos, ability to memorize maps, and knowledge of machinery was easily translated to a life as a smuggler. Your top rule? You do not take sides. Ever. It’s what made you successful, what kept you alive.

And no one knows the real reason.

“Zephyr, how long before you head out?”

You’re half-in, half-out of your truck, the open door heavy on your ass thanks to all the armor plating. “Weather looks like it’s gonna hold for another hour and a half, I was thinking forty-five minutes?” you guess, squinting up through the tint on the upper part of the windshield.

“Got time to meet with a potential?” Karl laughs at your obvious groan, adding, “Fancy suit says D.C., maybe New York. Probably shouldn’t risk skipping.” You trust your second in command, even if you don’t want to take his advice. Karl Mordo is pragmatic, honest, and a baronic pain in your ass sometimes.

“Fuck. Okay. But I’m going right now, before I de-grease for the trip.” You hop down and hold up your dirty hands, wiggling your fingers.

“What if they’re from Stark?”

You clench your jaw. “His people should know better, even after two years. We just did Fisk a favor, maybe he’ll remind Loki’s plaything that there’s a reason he relocated to Miami.” 

Karl nods and heads back to the house, and as soon as he’s gone, you hold still and count to ten to calm your breathing. Tony Stark rules the northeast with a literal iron fist, and no one’s sure whether the mind control has turned him cruel or he’d been released years ago and just likes it. Almost no one Stark doesn’t trust has been close enough to know for sure.

Despite your reputation for neutrality, a few years back he’d sent his clever and ruthless ex-turned-CFO Pepper Potts to ask you to spy on some of the biggest players on the Eastern Seaboard.

It had been the first time you’d gotten close enough to see the electric blue of Loki’s mind control first-hand. Her threats had been articulate and terrifying, but yours ended up having a lasting effect on the way Lord Loki does his business. Word is that the emperor includes additional spells and enchantments to prevent a simple blow to the head from releasing a thrall and undoing years of work. 

You still get messages from Potts, filtered heavily by word of mouth, through the Resistance.

[layover94]

remembered i can disneypost on here to my heart's content. well.

Very excited to log on tomorrow and see a bunch of twt and youtube reactions to (and informative posts about) today's union march on harbor blvd as hype for the impending union vote on striking. iirc the vote will be on the 19th among 14k dlr union members, out of ~35k total cast members… if you ask me the ratio of unionized cast members should be so much higher and i think that's part of the point of running a march/protest on disneyland's anniversary, to wake up the cast members who are too bought into the lore and magic and Walt's Legacy of it all… i read that today's march intended to go from harbor to the main entrance of disneyland but dlr security and anaheim pd didn't let the protesters onto the esplanade. Lmao. i really hope that the union gains a lot of members and definitively votes for a strike on the 19th bc it's very deserved, it's insane how little cast members make while being expected to perform above and beyond literally any other service worker you've ever met in your life lmao and that gap only gets worse and worse in current year amid budget cuts to entertainment, hours, even concierge and guest complaint services… a drop in cast member service/attitude has been noticeable to us and we literally don't even mind it lmao because in the early 2000s the pay was way better so expecting a crazy disneyfied level of service was more reasonable BUT nowadays there's blatant cost-cutting and evil behaviors everywhere so i don't fucking care that the random cast member bringing me some french fries this year wasn't hyper-courteous and outperforming every mcdonalds worker i've ever met in my life, because in current year i know that they're not even making any more than a donowslave while being held to an exponentially higher standard…

if disney has any hope of maintaining its brand reputation ESPECIALLY parkswise then it better fucking listen to its union members and start improving things. widely-reported low crowds from non-locals and non-diehards this summer should be showing them that they can't keep price-gouging people forever… my last visit a few weeks ago was literally the first time in my ENTIRE LIFE that disneyland closed before 1am in the summer. it was literally like disruptive and disturbing, bc leaving the back of the park at 12am to then meander through the main street shops until 1am has been the habit SINCE I WAS BORN but this year, disney is so desperate for a high profit margin that they're cutting hours, cutting services, hiking prices, etc even during their peak travel times. hello? fuck you? literally anyone can look at your stock price, your box office gross, your ticket prices vs hours served, to determine disney's overall profit margin and yet you still shamelessly act this way. disney adults exist for a REASON and it's because there used to be a standard of service and quality offered to barely-middle-class and up families that gave them unbelievably memorable experiences that made them want to keep coming back and chasing that high for the rest of their lives. i love disneyland because i've loved it since i was 6 years old and most of it hasn't changed since i was 6 years old and in the intervening years i've grown to appreciate with adult eyes the creativity and engineering feats and Also the childish whimsy that has gone into creating the things i've loved ever since i was 6 years old. but when it costs over a hundred fucking dollars to spend one day in the park, when i vividly remember (even as a child with little sense of money!) it costing much less than $100, it just feels like ticket scalping lmao and to know that clearly those price hikes don't even go to the cast members who make the everyday operations of the park as good as they are? instead it all goes to the execs who keep closing and fucking up all my favorite rides? oh i'm out for blood. i truly hope that every single union member strikes and that disneyland SUFFERS immensely trying to stay open and ignore the strike. i hope it's a bloodbath and utterly humiliating for the company. cast members deserve everything, execs deserve nothing

[thessalian]

Thess vs This Fucking Survey

So, in an effort to put my money (or time, which if you listen to people is money) where my mouth is, I am doing this fucking survey from my previous reblog. And it's a fucking shitshow.

FIrst of all, when they're asking about you, the person filling out the form. They ask your sex and in the very next question differentiate that from the gender with which you identify. That and the lack of a non-binary option indicates that yeah, this one's using "sex vs gender" as a bludgeon. Again.

They don't actually make it particularly clear what you're voting for. There's no link to the guidance. The one chart they give you is talking about school years, which may have changed in however many years it's been since people went to school - and hell, I was only here for A-levels in the first place, so I'm having to Google to find out how old a year 3 student is likely to be.

Also, why are you people talking about teaching the whole "gaming is bad, predatory monetisation practices, financial scams online, this is why Mummy and Daddy restrict your internet access" thing to seven-year-olds? That's one that the parents should be responsible for.

Okay. Now they link to clear and relevant documents from the revised RSHE document. And it's bullshit. It's informed by the Cass Report, of course, and it basically says that all you're allowed to say about trans issues is the fact that trans people apparently exist, you're not allowed to transition in any way until you're 18, and you're certainly not allowed to say that gender is a spectrum. In fact, they outline specifically that you are not allowed to present as a boy at school if your documents list you as female (and vice versa), and there's separate guidance that is not listed in the PDF I found about "gender-questioning students". The most I can get is "teach them biological sex only and don't use any material that lists 'contested views' as fact" (like, that gender is a spectrum, etc). They actually say "many people do not believe that they or others have a separate gender identity" like it somehow matters to the person who very much does.

Now, I don't know what the "guidance for dealing with gender-questioning students" says, because I think finding it will take a little more time than I have today, but given that this is following the Cass Report, I imagine that it's "get them to see a counsellor and have them tested for ADHD or something", because the Cass Report has gone on record as saying "We need to make sure that them wanting to be a different gender or no gender at all isn't because of mental health issues".

This is entirely disgusting. But I'm going to fill out the damn form anyway. And like I said - Labour's gone on record as saying that they intend on implementing all recommendations of the Cass Report if/when they get into power. THIS IS WHAT THAT LOOKS LIKE.

[qqueenofhades]

One of my more "radical" leftist friends admitted after the 2016 election that they voted for Jill Stein. I asked them why and they said, and I quote, "I don't really know."

Anyway, thank you for the thoughtful post about polling. I'm still terrified of another Biden-Trump match up, but I suspect you are right that many of these online leftists yelling about sending a message to "genocide Joe" were not likely voters to begin with.

Well I mean, in Online Leftist world, voting is an essentially meaningless act anyway, so if they do bother to do it, why not make some sort of "protest" against the Corrupt System, even though (as I said) Jill Stein is literally a Manchurian candidate sponsored and funded by Russia precisely in order to dupe gullible leftists who want to Send a Message to the Democrats. She has no platform and no policies. She just exists to hurt Democrats and she is another part of the reason HRC lost in 2016, but hey. That sure showed us, or something.

And the thing is, while I'm not discounting that there could be some slippage of the youth vote, it would be much more effective as a threat (much as I would still deeply disagree with it, since the stakes are far too high with Trumpian fascism to fuck around with this bullshit) if we had literally any shred of evidence that they were planning to vote at all, that they were planning to vote for Biden and this is somehow the one thing that made them decide otherwise, or that their arguments were at all widespread beyond their tiny hermetic internet echo chamber. As I have said, I have not thus far seen compelling evidence that any of this is true, and believe me, I am ALSO keeping a close eye on things because this year will probably kill me before it's over. But when the Online Leftists have already spent three years lying about and trashing everything Biden has actually done, it is difficult to believe that they were in fact intending to vote for him, that they should be priced into any election analysis, or that they are as impactful as they think.

I suspect they're mostly being used to try to convince other people (who may or may not have planned to vote) that it is morally reprehensible to vote for Biden solely because of Gaza, no matter how illogical that is and how many orders of magnitude worse Trump would be on literally everything. And while I'm not denying that they may well peel off a few of the wishy-washy leaners and that's why their rhetoric is dangerous, I deeply doubt that they themselves were ever any kind of electoral or voting participant at all, because they keep telling us loudly that they're not. The media is running hard with this angle because they desperately want more Biden in Trouble stories, but actual election results keep proving them wrong, over and over. For all our sakes, let's hope very much this trend continues.

[anthonysstupiddailyblog]

Anthony's Stupid Daily Blog (778): Sat 4th May 2024

My mother normally votes Tory but she forgot that it was voting day on Thursday. This morning she asked me if I voted and I told her that I did. She asked me this afternoon why I didn't remind her that it was voting day and I told her that I forgot which is true I did forget.. in the same way I forgot to spray paint my bank details on the roof of my unlocked car. The big takeaway from the election other than the Tories rightfully getting fucking mauled and Sunak actually having the balls to say that the forthcoming general election result is not a foregone conclusion but rather the fact that Boris Johnson forgot to take his ID with him to vote. This was especially noteworthy because it was Johnson who actually introduced this rule while he was Prime Minister. Someone fuckwits on Twitter were saying he did it on purpose in order to get attention with one user declaring "Unbelievable stage managed publicity stunt and the media fell for it" to which I responded "Right. Kind of like the time you “pissed” yourself during the school play and everyone laughed at you. Those idiot kids, teachers and parents had no idea you deliberately poured water on your pants to make people think you’d pissed yourself. Bunch of marks".

I started re-reading Philip K Dick’s Solar Lottery in the garden. When I decided I was going to read all Philip K Dick's books about a year ago I started with Solar Lottery because I thought that this was his first novel but I later found out it was the first published in his lifetime but not the first he ever wrote. Indeed there were half a dozen stories he wrote before Solar Lottery came out so I decided to go back to the very beginning, read those half dozen books then go over Solar Lottery again. I still think that the plot is one of the best of all PKD's novels. It's about an alternate Earth which has decided that the only way to have true justice in the world is through random chance and as such every leader of the world is chosen once every five years via a lottery. To coincide with this new president the lottery process also selects one person randomly to try and assassinate this leader and if they do they become the new leader or "Quizmaster". The current Quizmaster Verrick is coming to the end of his term and has survived his assassination attempt but does not want to give up his leadership role. The new leader Cartwright has his own personal medium that he intends to use to thwart any potential assassination attempt. In order to prevent the handover of power Verrick has built a robot that can be controlled by numerous people and has hired a group of around thirty assassins to mind control the robot and plans to switch assassins at random intervals which he thinks will confuse the medium and make it impossible for them to predict the robot's behaviour. My favourite part of the book is where the robot is walking through the offices where Cartwright is and someone is screaming over the PA system "THE ASSASIN IS IN THE BUILDING!" as pandemonium is happening all around. Some of Dick's works seem to be begging to be adapted for the cinema and I can totally see this scene being the most memorable if such a cinematic adaptation of Solar Lottery were to happen.

[aliteralgrizzlybear]

Seeing the usual U.S. Election Discourse revving up again, so I'll remind you that here in the United States,

The Presidential election is our collective vote on the opponent we deal with for the next four years whose genuine goal is to impede us in building a better world and living our lives in peace.

There is no morally correct choice in voting for President that will end with a morally correct candidate being elected President. There are two choices that have a chance of winning, and a handful of choices that don't. Ultimately, that means you are wasting a small tactical resource of yours in voting for one of those candidates who does not have a chance of winning, and continuing to vote for any of that handful of candidates does not improve any of their chances over time.

Strictly speaking, you aren't endorsing the crimes of this nation by voting for the face of the nation that would already commit those crimes regardless of your vote. We're voting to choose our opponent while we seek to reduce how much blood gets shed in our names that we didn't fucking ask for, for the next few years. Your vote (or refusal to vote) is not a morally defining action in this situation, but a tactical one. You can attach morality to it if you want, but I hope you can recognize that the functional reality of the situation doesn't really have a solution that changes the situation into a morally good one.

Ultimately, our upcoming vote for the U.S. President is actually this question: Do you want your opponent to be the evil old man autocrat who nominally cares about his PR and has minimal overt influence in our local communities, or do you want your opponent to be the evil old man autocrat who has already built himself a cult of personality *and* already has the social backing of Christofascist politics behind him, which already has abundant influence in many of our local communities as well? Which opponent do you want to fight?

You know I'm not spouting some wild conspiracy bullshit here, the rightmost wing of our government is organized and poised to escalate every situation we care about into even more violence, and all of the social groups that support them are waiting for that violence as well. The situation itself is bullshit, and I can't fault you for your anger, despair, and refusal to participate in this system if you're choosing to vote for a morally correct candidate (who you and I know will not win the election, even though they are in every way a better choice) or not vote at all. From a results-oriented perspective, those two choices are the same choice, however, which is why I'm asking you to make a different one.

I'm going to keep fighting either way, and if you're in the U.S. and reading this, you probably will, too. I'm going to ask you to inspect and set aside any self-righteousness you may have invested in this decision, however, and yes, also request that you vote for The Genocidal Murderer Who Nominally Cares About His PR, if you're going to vote at all. This is because in fighting against him for the past few years, I have dealt with Slightly Less Bullshit than I did when I was fighting against the other evil old man, and The Genocidal Murderer Who Nominally Cares About His PR is less likely to be able to tap into our local Christofascism movements as a power play to disrupt our community's movements against him, due to the aforementioned nominal concern about his PR and the fact that they've been conditioned to reject him entirely.

The reason I am asking you, A Person In The U.S. Who Can Vote And Intends To, in addition to the people who don't normally vote and aren't currently planning to, is because you are already motivated to vote, and more importantly you are motivated to engage in action in other places. You already clearly give a shit, and I know that there is a non-zero chance that we have stood side by side in the struggles of this last decade and change. I'm not here to pretend you're a bad person for not following my request -- I'm arguing for this course of action because I believe it is the tactically superior option for our collective goals: both in ceasing genocides abroad that our nation is enacting directly and aiding indirectly, and in reducing the odds of further escalation of political violence throughout our local communities.

[anothersuicidesunday]

Another week, another lonely struggle.

And we know i've found the whole experience so far to be extremely depressing in the lonliness of ways.

Where to begin...?

So week 26, 14 to go. I still have alot to do alot to be scared of.

Part One - Opinions Wont Keep You Warm At Night

I obviously have some female trauma as previously mentioned. So while for years I always knew if I had a baby boy he'd be named "Oliver Jensen" now my compromise when you add a father into the scenario became "Oliver Joseph" and that was okay but girls names I only ever considered Max. It wasnt a girls name and it didnt remind me of anything bad. It's what I could live with. Now this came up for discussion and I still hated everything so Max become Maxie because I do not like Maxine as a name and again Maxie I can live with. Middle names where a struggle i was even going to leave it blank but I decided fuck public opinion my guy is Gary Payton II and she can be "Maxie Payton" so thats the name. And I'm already sick of the court of public opinions on the subject.

My aunt made a maxi pad joke immediately.

My partners grandmother turnt her nose up and asked what the other opinions are as if it was going up for vote. Didnt like being told there were no other options.

My own grandmother true to form first got upset that my mother did a gender reveal in a family group chat. Then called the baby Maxine anyway and got pissed off when my mother corrected her and went on a tangent how we all name our children names we never intend to use and then couldnt accept that "maxine" is not going to be used at all, the birth certificate will say Maxie and be her legal name. And this was just another of her arguments for arguments sake cos at Christmas when she tried to look great in front of her friends she decided to announce she'd already brought soaps. And I said "thanks but I wish you'd have asked me because we've decided we would use a certain type of soap and lotion considering the skin conditions that run in the families." Which turnt into her losing her marbles about being ridiculous to wish that on your child (i certainly dont wish for it but i'd rather spend an extra few bucks on safe options than deal with an uncomfortable baby if they do happen to have sensitive skin.) And that my generation is ungrateful. So shes not speaking to me at all.

Which brings us to Part Two - the UNgrateful dead.

I'm definately grateful that people want to buy so much stuff for us. But sometimes it feels like you dont get to pick anything your child is going to have. Like people buy so much clothes that you feel like you cant buy anything that you like cos you have so many already or someone brought a baby bouncer that you feel like you now had to use even though you'd seen one you would have preferred. Or like my grandmothers argument over soap and feeling like you cant even have an opinion on goddamn soap! Its so overwhelming. Sometimes you really just want to say no thanks and get what you actually like but social convention bullies you into taking things and smiling through it. I get it you're excited but I used to be too before you all crushed my spirit.

Part Three: Give Me Novocaine

There's no 'one size fits all option' for pregnancy. But everyone still wants to tell you to do as they did and you'll be fine. It very clearly does not work that way and quite honestly my body and pregnancy just don't seem to gel. I've been sick since week 6. Its week 26 and I sometimes am still running off to vomit. So you get all the people who tell you what you should be doing instead as if you havent googled it yourself and tried the whole damn list. Some people just have to suffer through. There's no magic trick for them to fix it. Its absolutely okay to just say sorry it sucks for you without trying to demand your trick is the greatest trick of all tricks. I get alot of pains. Leg pains, back pains, hip pains, vaginal pains, ive never carried this much weight before pains. Again, i'm trying things to feel better, i walk around, do weird stretches, compression aids but you still have people who wanna tell you you're wrong and they are right and it grinds my fucking gears. Here's reality, if I walk around too much i get exhausted and sore, if I sit too much? Exhausted and sore. If i stretch something hurts. There's no winning in this game and I cry alot when I'm alone.

So the sickness thing improved, I've still never had a craving, i still dont have a good relationship with food all I know is that this baby in fact hates things.

Bread thats not white, bread crust, salad, cheesymite scrolls, anything deep fried.

Honestly quite alot of the things i normally would eat, plus the things doctors tell you not to eat. Its hard for me to eat these days and i have no passion for it now. So to face the high possibility to have gestational diabetes was crushingly devastating. To take even more food choices away from me is fucking hard.

So i'm completely alone again to feel defeated. No one gets it again. You just quietly go through the motions and it's hard fucking work. You're not supposed to sit in your scrappy nursery crying by yourself.

[myths-tournaments]

Awful Characters Round 2 Part 1 (2/8)

Propaganda under the cut!

IANTHE TRIDENTARIUS

Her number one hobby is ruining every person's that she knows life. Her second hobby is being soooo slutty about it despite looking like a literal wet rat. Her third hobby is having an extremely unhealthy relationship with her twin. Her other hobbies include cannibalism, wearing a maid outfit, being extremely convinced she is the main character, the badboy sexy love interest and the villain. 'Why', you may ask. Well, the answer is, for shits and giggles #justgirlythings i, aswell as literally everybody else in the fandom have gone through the pipeline from hating her to desperately wanting to fuck her. expect for i still fucking hope she dies and doesn't come back for good. (that would literally solve all of everybody's problems) as god intended (EXPECT FOR. one of her hobbies literally is gaslighting god) She is fucking horrible i will love her until i die and even after that

parks and recs jean ralphio voice she's the woooorst!! The moment she learns she has to kill someone to become a Lyctor (aka a more special necromancer), she doesn't hesitate to kill and cannibalize the guy who has been her cavalier since childhood… cavalier who she also totally bullied as kids, she was allowed to choose one guest for her and her twin sister's birthday party each year, and she would always pick whoever she thought her cavalier didn't want to see there! While other characters are shown to regret the process of becoming a Lyctor (which involves someone close to them dying)/were forced into it because of circumstances, Ianthe has absolutely no regrets, she believes she did what she had to do

The author once said of Ianthe: "I don't think she's been nice to anyone, if she has I'll go back and change it." She killed and ate the soul of someone she has known all her life so that she could become a necromantic saint and tormented him plenty before that. General negging, ganging up against him, always inviting people he didn't like to their birthday parties. She doesn't regret killing him. I think she is repulsed by the idea that his digested soul is affecting hers. She helped her crush lobotomise herself so she would be in Ianthe's debt, and later lied and said she didn't see the corpse of a woman her crush killed under her bed (why did she do that? I do not know). She has a bone arm because her original arm was cut off, she hated the replacement so her crush cut THAT off and grew her a new one out of just bones. She had it gilded and only after that did she decide to help her crush deal with the person who had been repeatedly trying to kill her. She wants so badly to be the main character but people keep interrupting her villain monologues.

she has her own content warning tag

She's such a bitch to everyone all the time, she causes nothing but problems, she tries to do a villain speech but fumbles it because her tummy hurt, she is the awfulgirl of all time

THE SKULL

he is an evil ghost who used to be an assistant to a mad scientist gravedigger. accomplice to murder and torture and general evil scheming. now he lives in a jar and is besties with a teenage girl. and by besties i mean he encourages her to kill people and constantly cheers when her friends almost die. overall a silly little decapitated head <3

It is literally a skull in a jar. (More context if you don’t know the books/show: it’s a ghost source that’s been trapped in a silver container so it can’t escape. And it’s exceptionally powerful which means it can actually communicate with mc.) It frequently encourages the mc to commit various morally reprehensible acts such as homicide (she never does). When it was alive, it was a teenage boy who was apprenticed to an evil scientist.

[barry-j-blupjeans]

Also if you want more - 30 and Angus, with whoever you want! :3

30. Yeah I’m fully understanding the murder part, just not why you’re the one who needs to solve it?? 

--

Look, Kravitz's job was nowhere near normal. He fully understood that. It wasn't exactly a nine-to-five. Death can't really take vacation days, y'know? But it got monotonous really fast. Surely necromancers could come up with a new evil number every once and a while? It was all always the same thing- cheat death, live forever, become a god. That last one always made Kravitz roll his eyes. Like the Raven Queen would ever even think about voting a necromancer into Godhood. Honestly.

So he didn't exactly mind when things did get shaken up every now and again. If there was one thing you could say about Kravitz, it was that he loved the chase. Did it make the assignment take longer? Yeah. But the Raven Queen certainly didn't seem to mind if he played with the necromancers a little bit before locking them away. Sue him, he had been here for hundreds of years and things got a little spicy maybe once every twenty.

That being said: There were certain things about the job that Kravitz did not enjoy seeing unexpectedly. Anyone who legitimately seemed to enjoy hurting the people they were using for their experiments- necromancy was a sick type of magic, but using others for your dark deeds was a strict no in Kravitz's book. Even more so if it was children. He had seen in all by now. Parents with twisted ambitions, kidnappers who didn't seem to care, the whole shebang.

But Kravitz had never, never, seen a child not only interrupt him but then start doing his job.

"It was very nice of you to help out, sir," the child said. He had large, circular glasses that made his eyes look a little too big. His hat had a feather in it. A feather. He peeked over Kravitz's shoulder to see the necromancers all huddled in a corner. He had taken the soul of one already, who was lying on the ground next to Kravitz's feet.

"Is it, like, take your kid to work day?" one of the necromancers, who was bleeding rather heavily, said weakly.

"No, sir," the kid answered before Kravitz could. "At least, not for me. I don't know who this man is, nor am I his child, but I do know who you are!" He bounced in place, the blood around their feet sloshing a little. He pulled a file of papers out from his messenger bag and flipped it open. "Mason Redrick, correct?"

"Uhm," said the bleeding necromancer. "Yes?"

"And you're partners, Wanda and Leslie? Right?" Two nods. Kravitz had no idea what was fucking happening anymore. The kid put the notes back into his bag and pulled out a badge instead, flipping it open. A shiny detective badge was displayed. "I work for the Goldcliff Militia and under that power, and the power of my superviser, Captain Captain Bane, I'm going to have to arrest you."

"For what?" the necromancer from the left- Wanda, apparently- said.

"Well, several things, actually," the kid said. "The murders of Ralph Wittle, Reenie Barnes, Greggory Holzman, Ju-"

"Excuse us for a second," Kravitz said, stepping back. The child turned to him, eyebrows raised, and Kravitz pulled him back a little by his sweater vest (good gods, who wears sweater vests anymore?). They huddled in another corner of the room, so Kravitz could still see the necromancers, but he could also talk directly to the kid.

"Sir, I have half the mind to ask you who you are and what you're doing here," the kid said, voice lowered. "As far as I know, you could be aiding these criminals in-"

"What I'm doing here?" Kravitz asked, a little too loud. He coughed, lowering his voice as well. "What are you doing here? You're like, six. This- this is a crime scene-"

"I'm eight, actually," the little boy said. "Almost nine. And I'm here because I was assigned this case and I fully intend to do so, sir. Now, if I can ask again, who are you and what are you doing here?"

Kravitz let out a breath, resting the urge to sink to the floor and never stand up again. Did kids get jobs at eight now? Maybe? Maybe. Kravitz was pretty out of the loop but he was pretty sure eight-year-olds were supposed to be making mud pies and learning multiplication.

"My name is Kravitz," Kravitz said. The kid had taken out a notebook and was writing this down. "And I-"

"No last name?" he interrupted.

"N- no, no last name," Kravitz said. "I'm... I guess you could say I'm an employee for, uh, the Raven Queen."

"Like the Goddess?" the kid said, looking a little more interested. "Can you tell me a little more about that, sir?"

"Not- not at the current moment," Kravitz said.

"Well, I'm sure I could tell my supervisor that you were at a crime scene and refused to elaborate on why-"

"I gotta-" Kravitz made a frustrated sound. "I'm here to- to take these guys in! To hold them accountable for their actions and to uphold the laws of life and death-"

"That's nice, sir," the kid said. "Is that going to interrupt my business with them?"

"Probably," Kravitz said. "I- I do have to kill them to, uh, to reign justice and all."

"And how many people have you killed, exactly, sir?"

"Listen," Kravitz said, feeling a headache coming on. "What's- what's your name?"

"Detective Angus McDonald," the kid said, holding out his hand for Kravitz to shake. Kravitz did so. His entire hand was just slightly bigger than Kravitz's palm. "But you may call me Detective McDonald, or just Detective."

"And you're eight," Kravitz said.

"Nearly nine, sir, and I don't see how that's relevant right now," Angus said, turning his nose up. "Now, if I have you here, I would like your assistance. Since we both are trying to achieve the same goal, sort of, I was thinking you could help me with this murder case-"

"You're eight," Kravitz said again.

"And they're murderers," Angus said. "I think you're focusing on the wrong thing here, sir."

"No, I fully understand the murder part," Kravitz said. "I'm- I'm just not sure why you're the one who needs to solve it?"

"I feel like you're doubting the full range of my abilities, sir," Angus said, frowning. "Are you going to assist me or am I going to have to arrest you as well?"

Kravitz imagined putting that on his mission recap. The murder went okay, but then an actual child arrested me! He sighed again.

"What do you need me to do?" Kravitz asked.