#I wanted to see if i could capture the feeling of this creepy recurring dream i have

[fidgetspringer-art]

- Thalassophobia -

[alicornairport]

So now that Amphibia's ended, I wanted to make these posts with my playlists for each character. Just cause I always wanted to do this and we all need something that isn't directly related to the finale :p (and by "all" I mean me)

so. very long post.

Anne

vylet pony - we worked so hard to leave and now all i want is to go back

This is an instrumental, but it starts off the playlist because it perfectly captures the feeling in its title---in a style that to me is 1000% Amphibia vibes (or Vylet's style, if you've heard the rest of her music :p )---and I think that feeling (and title) is perfect for Anne: as she leaves the valley with the Plantars, as she comes to earth in S3a, as she decides to cut off her toxic friendship with Sasha, and as she finally leaves Amphibia in The Hardest Thing. It just makes me feel so much...

Phoebe Bridgers - Garden Song

I mean...

I grew up here, 'til it all went up in flames except the notches in the door frame I don't know when you got taller

I mean...

And when I grow up, I'm gonna look up From my phone and see my life And it's gonna be just like my recurring dream

I don't know how, but I'm taller It must be something in the water Everything's growing in our garden You don't have to know that it's haunted

anyway.

Esperanza Spalding - Unconditional Love

Even just from the title and heartfelt melody, this song is completely Anne, but what made me put it in the playlist is the chorus:

We could change the whole story of love Same old play I’m getting tired of No more acting these predictable roles Just us living unconditional love

This, to me, encapsulates why Anne's Heart. She has hope for people. For her friends. She cares about them, not the material benefits of their friendship (Sasha protecting her, Marcy doing their homework, etc.). It's her plea to both of them; it's why they can grow their own lives and friend groups in the timeskip and still love each other more than anything---why they still get together for every birthday.

Esperanza Spalding - Really Very Small

Another instrumental; this is here based completely on vibes. It makes my heart ache with how beautiful it is and I feel like it communicates how Anne sees herself and what she can be and do (at least S1 Anne).

Adam Neely × Ben Levin - Truck

From their made-in-24-hours album, Beautiful And Tragic, Truck is technically about how empty the pursuit of profit is and how capitalism kills empathy (and other things you'd expect from two 30-something music teachers from Brooklyn), but apart from the fact that Anne's both brown and a biologist and therefore hates capitalism (source: me and every other non-white biologist and biology student I know), it's here mostly due to this:

Tipsy truck outline Through the dust we drive Now behind, that’s life People roam, people die...

Sour patch gas stop Filling up, getting lost Scary pump Lost some Still we ridе Still we run

It gives me S2a road trip vibes, creepy atmosphere and all, but I also see it as a metaphor for Anne's mindset leading up to True Colors, especially regarding Sasha---and her mindset at the end of that episode, with all the repressing she did about both Marcy's death and her betrayal: keep moving and then it's okay if you "lose some" (some battles, some friends, some trust). Just run.

Porter Robinson - Something Comforting

She needs a week-long hug, okay?

Also, I put this here while I was still in shock over True Colors, but already watching S3a, and seeing Anne beat herself up over trusting both Marcy and Sasha and then over not trusting them or feeling she wasn't there for them made me think of this:

'Cause getting made you want more And hoping made you hurt more Oh, there must be Something wrong with me [...] Someone tell me Something comforting

; ~ ;

Boy Harsher - Tower

Boy Harsher makes horrorcore synthwave and I love them. They also made this (which is horrorcore synthwave, and heart-squeezingly perfect for Reunion). It's in Sasha's playlist too, but it's in Anne's because of this:

And are you honest? And are you free? [...] And can I believe you? Do I even know how?

(which is like 50% of the lyrics, btw). I think it's mostly self-explanatory, especially with Anne's realization of how toxic their friendship was finally bubbling over in the duel.

Pom Pom Squad - Lux

You can take my peace Leave me rotting like the leaves But I won't ever let you say You cared about me

so.

I let myself get drunk on the idea That you loved mе 'Cause in here I'm suffocating But out thеre I feel so small What a wonder to be anything at all

uh.

When I hear your pretty words I should be listening to the sound Of my feet against the ground In the opposite direction

...how hard y'all cry after Reunion?

Billie Eilish - ilomilo

So, if any of y'all don't know (I didn't before I looked up this song to listen to when it came out), Ilomilo was a Windows Phone puzzle game about braving danger in a strange land to reunite with your friend.

The only way to lose is to stay apart.

Told you not to worry But maybe that's a lie Honey, what's your hurry? Won't you stay inside? Remember not to get too close to stars

Where did you go? I should know, but it's cold And I don't wanna be lonely So show me the way home I can't lose another life

I tried not to upset you Let you rescue me the day I met you I just wanted to protect you But now I'll never get to

King Princess - Make My Bed

Anne, in her room, after True Colors.

Eighteen years I've spent

Waiting for this

Now my mother's home

My sister sleeps

And I'm awake

Making my bed

And our hearts break

'Cause I got lost

I'm awake

Making my bed

I'm posting the lyrics here but you really need to listen to it.

Tasha - Would You Mind Please Pulling Me Close

This is my "nostalgic crying over a fictional character's memories" song for Anne. It also fits The Hardest Thing (pre-timeskip) way too well and I hate that.

Summers hardly feel like summer anymore I can't seem to lift myself up off the floor Please sing to me our old familiar tune Remind me what I've got left to come back to We've less and less and less and less to come back to I'll hold on tight to every last one of you

I'm fine today I'll be fine again I'm fine today I'll be fine again

It's not that I miss home I just miss not feeling so alone I know my aching shows Would you mind please pulling me close?

Pom Pom Squad - This Couldn't Happen

Anne's time in Amphibia is a series of parallels and recurring feelings. Twice betrayed, twice back home, twice forgiven... and well:

Again, this couldn't happen again Again, this couldn't happen again Again, this couldn't happen again

Billie Eilish - my future

But I, I'm in love (Love, love, love, love) With my future And you don't know her (Ooh) And I, I'm in love (Love, love) But not with anybody here I'll see you in a couple years

I'll be crying in the corner until you scroll down to the next one.

Childish Gambino - Stand Tall

A positive song‽ In this (unintentional) angst playlist‽

The Boonchuys make me happy and Anne's relationship with her parents is "unidentifiable squeaking noises from the back of my throat" sweet and I feel like this fits them so well...

I listened to what my father said:

Keep all your dreams, keep standing tall If you walk strong, you cannot fall There is a voice inside us all, so smile when you can... (when you can)

We may cry alone, I feel we know where all of this is headed But my mama said:

I can definitely imagine Bee and Oum giving Anne a collaborative speech that goes exactly like this. I have imagined it. I love them sm.

TV-MA - i want it to hurt

Despite the title, I think this song is super hopeful and it's exactly why Anne was the one person to ever use the gems for good. Why she's more of a fighter than anyone else, despite fighting being her last resort. It's compassion and self-love and the search for meaning

When my friends leave, when I have to let go, when this entire town is wiped off the map...

I want it to hurt. I want it to hurt bad. I want to hold on until I'm thrown off and everything ends

I want to hope again And I want it to hurt Because that means it meant something It means I am something pretty amazing to be something, at least…

It's also perfectly fitting for her conversation with the Calamity Deity (maybe because the lyrics come from another climactic conversation with a cat deity where a protagonist whose starting philosophy can be boiled down to "what's the point in trying"/"always take the easy out" says no to what said deity wants her to do).

​​half•alive - RUNAWAY (the orchestral version :p)

I swear I put this in the playlist before S3b. But. But. This is it. It's Anne's journey. It's her and what she learns and the entire point of the show and it's prolly the most hopeful and happiest song in the entire playlist but it's still the one that makes me cry the most.

From where we started and immaculate S1 Anne vibes:

I've been searching, nothing’s working I've been tripping, no one's perfect Chasing vision, just the surface Shirt’s on backwards, not on purpose

To changing and growing and becoming more completely a creature of the Heart:

Something's working, heart is turning Vision’s clearing, still I’m learning That what I am, what I am, what I am, what I am Is something more than I can plan

Go, tell me now I don't need to run away

I’ve been standing on a stage with just a mirror, forced to face who I've become Searching for a new escape, I scan the exits that embrace an easy out

To the realization:

I hold my life out in front of me, dreams of who I wanna be I'm seeing every empty page But I find that everything I am is everything I should be... and I don't need to run away

Who are you?

"I'm Anne Boonchuy."

[aminiatureworld]

HI! Quick note: write this whenever you want and be sure to take care of your health first! Your works are amazing and masterpieces take time, I can be patient <3 Hope you have a lovely day! (also, 𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠: trigger themes like attempts of suicide, probable hints to dissociative amnesia? I was inspired by it at least and some... Limb being bitten off as well as latest archon quest spoilers so readers be cautious!)

Anyway, I'd like to request for Xiao, Albedo, Zhongli, Kaeya and Diluc (if the number is too much you can cut off whoever from the list) with Traveller! s/o that like has no memory of their past but have clues through these... "Visions/Dreams".

It started out a little simple; every once in a while, Y/N would see these little figures floating around their environment. Shadowy wisps, sometimes ghosts talking to them. But in real life, people can't see them and only sees them talking by themselves (and some are a little weirded out). But then one day, while they were out adventuring in the ruins slimes or seelies... Whatever small cute creatures can exist in Teyvat suddenly gathered in Stormterror's lair and they grew curious cuz they heard... Music? Playing? It was echo-y and creepy but then they heard a very familiar tune that they KNOW is linked to their past so they followed and went into the vicinity

(As reference, or for some idea: https://youtu.be/JZ6buLNIgs8)

The moment they stepped inside and pinpointed where the music is coming from they bolted up the stairs (if there are any, which probs not but in reader's case there is) and suddenly the stairs lead them to a hallway from a tower/palace, and walking further, there were two huge doors that lead to a ballroom with more than dozens of ghosts waltzing and singing with the music

(No they did not question why would stormterror's lair have a hallway or how it even has a ballroom inside, nor why creatures would gather in said lair. Questions that break away from dreams are nonexistent)

So obviously they were happy at the wondrous sight and began waltzing along with everyone from strangers to... Unrecognizable but familiar faces? Until They danced with this boy their age. The more they looked the more they were enamored and the world around them was but a hazy dream (as vague and hazy the environment in their head can get) but the boy became more and more vivid and so did the music until they practically sang together. But then as the music stopped and s/o turned their back for a second; the boy sang: "And a song someone sings..." And wisps suddenly flew out of him and towards Reader, making them fall unconscious into their arms as the Prince of the Abyss sang in their ear. "Once upon a december..." Before Aether disappeared and he was but a dream.

And then all of a sudden Reader was yanked away from their dream; almost literally. They turned to see their lover holding onto their arm with concern all over their face and explained to them they were so close to the edge dancing away they could've fallen off of the third floor (which was already high!).

And that's when things get a turn to the worse.

Every dream gets worse than the last; anything that involved the abyss, or seeing these star pendants like what Paimon has on her hair or Kaeya's little decor on his clothes or involving Khaenriah or whatever Albedo's research is rn lure them into a dream vivid than the last and it gets even harder and harder to break them off their dreams. One night of going to bed they suddenly had a dream of their old family/friends swimming in the ocean and telling them to join them, and they wouldve if their lover didnt sweep them off their feet and broke away from another dream they didnt realize was 𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑛 a dream. And the realization that if they jumped off, their bones wouldve broken cuz a bunch of boulders and rocks on a steep cliff would make a nice floor for landing right?

But still, Aether and the abyss (which in their dreams were ghosts and just... this blond guy you knew but never realized it was your brother and the abyss) are recurring themes. Coming across any of the factors instantly puts them in a dream and reader cant tell whats reality and what isnt. Everything is too vivid they didnt see a bubble coming their way or an attack coming towards them and they were about to be thrown off. It got to the point Reader was getting claustrophic from the rooms suddenly shrinking as they were cornered by these ghosts that turned frightening and whenever they fight back they end up nearly murdering someone of mindlessly attempting to destroy one of The Seven statues.

It lead Reader to be.. Kinda suicidal. Not just because they hate themselves and their situation its cuz its the 𝑜𝑛𝑙𝑦 𝑤𝑎𝑦 they knew how to escape the dream and wake up in a bed in their lovers arms. And because reader cant distinguish reality from dreams sometimes even if their lover is present they see these ghosts and think 'this must be a dream I have to wake up from!' cuz in the long run theyve learned fighting back meant hurting someone so they.. Redirected the pain to themselves so theyre very confused to see their lover throw their dagger across the room and they end up breaking down no matter where they are (or in worse cases in the middle of battle). Reader grew dependant on them and panic attacks after these dreams became more frequent until they cant even trust their surroundings whether its a dream or not.

(I'm very sorry with how long this is and I rambled in grotesque detail you may polish it however you want :"DD)

This can be in any format you'd like! But I mostly prefer headcanons + scenarios? like the bullets then comes scenario etc. But ye write however you want sorry for rambling hope you have a nice day thank you

As a Romanov history enthusiast this request was both very interesting and very difficult. Mostly because I found myself veering off into “lore dumping” for lack of a better term. Still I hope the general feeling of your request was captured well.

I spread various aspects of your request around as best I could, depending on character, outline, fic structure, etc. The only thing I didn’t keep in was the suicidal ideation. This is for various reasons, some personal, but in a more general term I think that it can be very difficult to portray something like that in a way that isn’t excessively triggering and is worthwhile to read for a variety of people. The way one person would process through such emotions and put them to paper could be harmful to another. Overall I thought it best to steer clear from such a topic, with the knowledge that I didn’t find it necessary to the story and thought it would be an imperfect addition on my part. Not that I find never addressing such topics necessarily the right path either, only I think that in this case better not to. I hope I explained why adequately. 

I know that wanting to read and write about such topics does not directly correlate to being in such a mental state but I do hope you also take care of your own mental health. Though getting out of such crises can be difficult I want to tell you this at least. You aren’t alone in feeling this way, even if others in your direct vicinity cannot understand. And also sometimes finding a direct reason for continuing on comes later. Sometimes surviving is enough. And even if you cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel, that doesn’t mean you should take a step which you will never be able to reverse, the only step you will never be able to reverse in your existence.

I also leaned into the Romanov family dynamic, rather into that of the traveler siblings. Whether the reader is the traveler is kept vague on purpose, as I generally as a rule don’t write the siblings. I also found that in keeping them specifically canon compliant to the traveler siblings I’d have to cut back on the more historical illusions. Being a total history nerd I chose the latter option. 

Otherwise my fics varied in complete accuracy to the prompt, though I hope you find it enjoyable to read nonetheless.

Here they are in order of Albedo, Diluc, Kaeya, Xiao, and Zhongli. I hope you find them a worthwhile read and thank you for your request. I hope you have a lovely week.

[terramythos]

TerraMythos' 2020 Reading Challenge - Book 1 of 26

Title: The Devil and the Deep: Horror Stories of the Sea (2018)

Author: Various (edited by Ellen Datlow)

Genre/Tags: Short Story Anthology, Horror (Various), Female Protagonist(s), LGBT Protagonist(s). 

Rating: 7/10 (note: this is an average of all the stories)

Date Began: 1/1/2020

Date Finished: 1/6/2020

I don’t usually read short story collections. But since I kicked off 2020 with a trip outside the US, I wanted something that could easily be picked up and read in short bursts. So I dove into a short story anthology @mistressofmuses gave me for Christmas. Since I was staying on the coast, this seemed like an appropriate choice. 

This anthology is a collection of 15 original horror stories by different authors, each somehow associated with the sea. Like any anthology, they were pretty hit or miss, but there were some I really enjoyed. Honorable mentions (scoring 8/10 or higher): 

Fodder’s Jig by Lee Thomas (9/10) 

The Whalers Song by Ray Cluley (9/10) 

A Ship of the South Wind by Bradley Denton (8/10) 

Broken Record by Stephen Graham Jones (8/10) 

A Moment Before Breaking by A. C. Wise (9/10) 

Sister, Dearest Sister, Let Me Show To You The Sea by Seanan McGuire (10/10) 

He Sings of Salt and Wormwood by Brian Hodge (10/10)

For a brief summary of all the stories and impression of each, see below the cut. These are in the order they appear and contain minor/implied spoilers.

1. Deadwater by Simon Bestwick - 4/10

Summary: A man living in a coastal tourist town is found dead by the shore. When her cop boyfriend rules it a suicide, the man's best friend Emily investigates the death on her own.

Thoughts: This one was very predictable. I'd figured out the "twist" and exactly how it would end by the half way point. It wasn’t super exciting and the writing just wasn't engaging for me. I did appreciate the occasional thematic callback and the whole thing about broken people needing to stick together, but there wasn’t enough of that in the actual story to sell me on it. 

2. Fodder’s Jig by Lee Thomas - 9/10 

Summary: Two men in their 60s fall in love with each other and try to form a life together. However, amid one’s rough divorce, a bizarre disease emerges that causes people to dance wildly and speak in tongues after exposure to the ocean. When one of the two men begins to exhibit symptoms of the disease, everything changes. Thoughts: Well done, creepy cosmic horror, and the ending was phenomenal. I loved that it was about two old gay dudes trying to find happiness late in life, struggling with manipulative family issues, and how all of it seamlessly blended with the horror. The prose was great too, and the zinger when you fully understand the title is... an experience. I thought it was interesting that the flashback scenes were in present tense and the current scenes were in past tense, but it sort of makes sense with the themes of the story.  

3. The Curious Allure of the Sea by Christopher Golden - 7/10 

Summary: A woman's father is lost at sea. To honor his memory, she tattoos herself with a strange symbol found in his abandoned boat. However, afterward, sea creatures and people alike find themselves drawn to her. Thoughts: It was moderately creepy. The part where Jenny burns off the tattoo (spoilers) was viscerally horrifying. Beyond that, it didn't stick out a whole lot. Sort of like a “wouldn’t that be fucked up?” Twilight Zone episode. 

4. The Tryal Attract by Terry Dowling - 5/10 

Summary:  After a conversation with his neighbor, a man agrees to spend several nights in the neighbor's house to commune with a talking human skull which he has recurring dreams about. 

Thoughts: The prose was good enough, but the actual horror element was sort of like one of those creepypastas that’s just unintentionally funny. It felt very Scooby Doo and I don’t think that was the intent. 

5. The Whalers Song by Ray Cluley - 9/10 

Summary: When a Norwegian whaling ship sinks after a catch, the small crew manages to escape. On shore, however, the eerie artifacts they find of old whaling ships are more than they bargained for.

Thoughts: Way way way eerie, and the prose was great; very stilted yet beautiful. There was an underlying theme of the past and present, which Cluley explores in multiple ways. It has a slow start but it pays off. One of the more haunting ones in the collection. 

6. A Ship of the South Wind by Bradley Denton - 8/10 

Summary: Three years after the Civil War, two Native Americans -- a boy named Charley and his uncle JoJim -- are accosted by a group of travelers in the plains of Kansas. They find that help comes from an unexpected source-- an eccentric, quasi-supernatural figure named Captain Thomas, whom JoJim met decades ago.

Thoughts: Honestly, setting a sea-themed horror story entirely in Kansas was a power move, but I think it worked. Did a great job building and maintaining tension. I loved the small details, like keeping the villains as "Red-beard" and "Black-beard" even after we learn their real names to keep things nautical. It's kind of like if No Country for Old Men crossed over with a pretty good episode of Goosebumps with some pseudo steampunk elements.

7. What My Mother Left Me by Alyssa Wong - 6/10 

Summary:  Following the death of her mother and breakup with her abusive boyfriend, Emma and her new girlfriend visit her mom's old beach house to collect her things. However, things get weird when they discover partially decomposed, yet still living fish along the shore.

Thoughts: I’m torn on this one. The writing was really good, but it felt like the story couldn’t decide between being a straight-up slasher flick or a deep, heartfelt exploration of family and surviving domestic abuse. I really felt like it needed to be longer, as both elements felt underdeveloped. 

8. Broken Record by Stephen Graham Jones - 8/10 

Summary: A man is trapped on a deserted island.

Thoughts:  I do not want to spoil the "twist" of this one but it's good and a fun scenario to imagine. Toed the line between humor and horror well.  

9. Saudade by Steve Rasnic Tem - 5/10 

Summary: A man agrees to go on a senior singles cruise at the behest of his daughters, but feels awkward and out of place. He is drawn to a bizarre woman who occasionally appears and causes something strange and unsettling to happen.

Thoughts: The writing is good, but Tem spends the bulk of the story focusing on protagonist Lee wandering a cruise ship and being sad about it. I loved the ending and its callback to an earlier, seemingly unrelated scene, but beyond that I feel there’s way more you can do with the inherent horror of a cruise ship. 

10. A Moment Before Breaking by A. C. Wise - 9/10 

Summary: While a little girl and her mother are immigrating to the United States, the ship they are on suddenly sinks. The girl is captured by cultists who perform a strange ritual, binding her to a creature called the prince of the sea.

Thoughts: I really dug this one-- it's just so weird. I loved how the narrative treated the shared body between Ana and the prince, and that we get to see Ana in various stages of her life. The prose was gorgeous. Definitely one of my favorites in the collection.

11. Sister, Dearest Sister, Let Me Show To You The Sea by Seanan McGuire - 10/10 

Summary: When her little sister drowns her in the tide pools by their Washington home, a teenage girl makes a deal with an eel-like entity of the sea to get her revenge. Thoughts: "Holy fucking shit" was pretty much all I could say when I finished this one. Visceral body horror at its finest, and I'm always a sucker for revenge. The prose was beautiful and horrid in the best way. I'm a big fan of the author already but this exceeded my expectations.

12. The Deep Sea Swell by John Langan - 3/10 

Summary: A couple is traveling by ship. One of the two, Susan, recalls a few supernatural stories their mutual friend Giorgio told them before she has her own supernatural encounter.

Thoughts: I found myself begging the author to press the enter key on his keyboard a few times. Beyond that, this was the first story that actually challenged my suspension of disbelief with what happens and how it relates to the main character. I didn't find the horror element very scary at all. There were some cool visuals but that's about all I got out of it. 

13. He Sings of Salt and Wormwood by Brian Hodge - 10/10 

Summary: During a deep sea diving exercise, a competitive surfer comes across an old, sunken yacht. He is horrified by the strange worm-like creatures devouring the wood. However, when he returns home to his wife, they begin to find strange, humanoid carvings every day on the Oregon coast. Thoughts: GOD was this good. Superb voice and writing, very creepy, and everything comes together so well in the ending. I felt an emotional connection to the love and longing between Danny and Gail, which is always hard to accomplish in a short story. Just a stellar read.

14. Shit Happens by Michael Marshall Smith - 3/10 

Summary: A higher-up from a tech conglomerate attends a company conference aboard a converted boat-hotel, but things go south when guests start to experience acute gastrointestinal distress. Thoughts: This gets like 3 points for making me genuinely laugh a few times and -7 points for everything else.

15. Haunt by Siobhan Carroll - 6/10 

Summary: In 1799, a cargo ship is troubled by a ghost ship on their trail. When the passengers and crew are stranded in the middle of the ocean, the dark pasts of the crew slowly come to light. Thoughts: The writing was good, the author clearly knows her shit, and I can admire what she is going for. However, the whole thing was just a bit too brutal and graphic for me, especially knowing that some of the things described were based on real events. I guess that was probably the point based on her author’s note, but I can’t recommend this as an entertaining read. 

[thecartoonarchivist]

Weekly Spotlight #4

Week number 4 of the Weekly Spotlight! I apologize for the wait; I’m still working out the kinks in my schedule.

Alrighty! So! Our weekly spotlight winner is:

*an even more vibrant drumroll!*

My Life as a Teenage Robot

I have a lot of fond memories of this show, as I’m sure many others do. Before sitting down and rewatching a couple episodes, from what I remembered about it, it was a little bit of an odd-ball. It always skirted this line of being accessible enough that the average viewer could relate to it while also being straight up bizarre enough to remember just how different this world is from our own. This show would mix the 1950′s aesthetic with science fiction concepts to cement itself, at least in my mind, alongside other animations such as Meet The Robinsons, George Shrinks! and, oddly enough, Samurai Jack. It was a slice of life, mixed with action and adventure, and some elements of horror? Which... ended up distinguishing itself from other similar “crime fighting teenagers” like Kim Possible, Teen Titans, or W.I.T.C.H. As a result, this show dealt with a lot of common problems and themes that teenagers faced in very odd ways, all under the guise of an action, sci-fi show.

So let’s have a little bit of a history lesson, shall we?

Back in the late 90′s, Nickelodeon began to host a show that was called Oh Yeah! Cartoons which has been called TV’s biggest animation development program ever. Dozens of filmmakers were contracted by Nickelodeon to create 7 minute cartoons that would be spliced together into a half-hour time-slot. This “show” would then air on television and depending on the approval ratings of the audience, these cartoon shorts would then be commissioned into a TV show for Nick. Producing nearly 100 of these cartoon shorts, this “animation laboratory” would jumpstart many individuals’ careers in the industry such as Seth MacFarlane, Vincent Waller, Dave Wasson, and Butch Hartman.

One such individual would be a man named, Rob Renzetti with a short titled, My Neighbor Was A Teenage Robot. Due to very high approval ratings, Nickelodeon commission for the show and would later on be titled, My Life As a Teenage Robot. It aired in 2003 and was eventually cancelled after 3 seasons (ironically) due to poor ratings.

So for our premise!

Jenny (or, XJ-9, as her mother calls her) is a crime-fighting, superhero robot who dreams of being a teenage girl just like other human beings. However, she has to juggle her duties as a superhero and her social life as a teenager, which leads wacky shenanigans, problems, and overall, grief  for Jenny as she attempts to fit in. She’s partnered with her friends Brad and Tuck as they tag along on her adventures, and she even has an admirer named, Sheldon, who tries to woo her in his own awkward way. She fights monsters, aliens, and a robot queen named, Vexus who is trying to recruit Jenny her robot world the planet Cluster Prime, while also dealing with the Crust Cousins who are out to destroy Jenny’s social reputation. Can a girl ever catch a break?

These episodes are broken up into 2 eleven minute segments with problems that are usually resolved by the end of the episode. There isn’t so much of a “continuity” per se, but there are episodes that reference earlier ones so while you can dive right in with any old episode you want, I’d keep in mind which one I’m choosing.

So on the whole how did this series hold up?

Well, the first several episodes are pretty shaky. Although the visuals were very unique to watch and the soundtrack was entertaining to listen to, I felt that some of the episodes weren’t all that entertaining. The problems felt fairly realistic, or at least believable for a “teenage robot,” however, it was easy to tell that the creators were still figuring out what they wanted to do with this series. What kind of character did they want to make Jenny? What kind of dynamic did they want the support cast to be like? What kind of bad guys did they want Jenny to go up against? And as a result, some of the early episodes suffered in quality. Overall, I felt like the first season, especially a lot of the first half, was simply establishing the status quo of the series. Yet, in spite of this, there were several episodes that I felt that the series really hit its stride and gave a solid balance of uniqueness and familiarity that left me both intrigued for more and very entertained with the product I’ve received.

There were some episodes that left me simply... disturbed. Two of them being Attack of 5 and 1/2 ft. Geek and The Return of the Raggedy Android. Some of you might remember the second one as the skin episode... (And if you don’t, consider yourself blessed...) With Attack of the 5 and 1/2 ft. Geek, Jenny has a screw loose in her arm and solicits the help of Sheldon to fix her problem. Having a large passion for robotics, Sheldon is not only happy to help but also becomes extremely infatuated with Jenny after she saves him. Extremely infatuated. To the point of stalking her. And showering her with unnecessary gifts. The others kids at school even laugh at her and bully her for her newfound “boyfriend.” Jenny is obviously embarrassed and uncomfortable and finds any excuse to get away from him. Eventually, she gets a call from her mother saying that there’s a gang downtown (the Lonely Heart’s Club, btw) which is causing havoc and requires her assistance. With Sheldon following her every move, the gang gets very jealous of Sheldon and Jenny’s “relationship” and kidnaps Sheldon. Jenny has to swoop in and save him, having also finally snapped at having Sheldon being called her boyfriend. She goes off, calling Sheldon creepy, a stalker, and a host of other things that are not only accurate, but legitimate concerns that any other teenage girl would have in such a situation. Sheldon is hurt and in a weird turn of events, he saves Jenny after she gets captured during her rant. The episode ends with Jenny apologizing about what she said and says that maybe they can hang out sometime... as friends. Just... friends. Sheldon goes on to be a recurring character of the series, causing a lot of shenanigans and other problems as a result of his infatuation.

Since the series ended with Jenny never establishing a relationship with either Brad nor Sheldon, many speculate as to which one she would have started dating. Although there aren’t any definitive answers from the team about who would have ended up with, the team appears to favor Sheldon as a candidate. Which... I find very problematic.

Sheldon stalked her, made her uncomfortable, and through the course of the series, lied to her, toyed with her emotions, and caused her much emotional grief. And yet, she’s supposed to apologize to Sheldon for being so “cruel” even though she was voicing some legitimate concerns about his conduct, and eventually end up with him as a boyfriend? Nuh-uh. No bueno. That’s not exactly something you should be teaching little girls. If she is uncomfortable being around him, she shouldn’t be obligated to hang out with him--- even if it hurts his feelings. And by remaining friends with him, she’s using him for upgrades her mother denies; stringing him along with the possibility of being “more than friends”; and overall, setting up an uncomfortable situation for both of them to be in. I don’t see how that’s okay to promote that kind of relationship to any kid. It’s just simple wish fulfillment and for a TV show that will be shown to children, that’s not okay. Keep it in your personal diary, or on your personal computer, because promoting this sort of relationship is extremely toxic and I don’t approve. At all.

Now... the infamous skin episode...

The basic problem of the episode is that Jenny wants to hang out at teenage hotspot called Mezmer’s. However, the owner of the shop won’t allow her in because she’s a robot. Remembering the freakish false skin that her mother designed her several episodes before, she attempts to reuse it after having received several upgrades to make it more believable. And it works! She becomes beautiful! More popular! She even gets to dance with Don Prima, the local heartthrob that Jenny has a crush on! Overall, she’s simply... normal. However, the second-skin seems to have a life of its own and puts itself on in Jenny’s sleep. It coaxes her to be more normal, to stop fighting crime, to focus on her beauty and her looks because that’s what a normal girl does. But once Brad becomes endangered by an intergalactic biker gang that threats destroy the shop, Jenny sheds her new skin and learns to accept herself for all her imperfections and unique personality traits. Because that’s what’s truly normal about her.

This episode was probably the most prominent that I remembered watching as a kid. And for a good reason too... This. Episode. Was. Horrifying! I’m not even kidding! Rewatching this as an adult, I kept thinking to myself “This is a children’s show?!?” One of the first interactions that we see with this new skin is that it claws its way up Jenny’s body while she shouts, “I can’t breathe!”

Later on, we see the exoskin crawl its way across Jenny’s floor and attack her like a snake while she sleeps.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJjJmGv6ztY

(The video is pretty poor quality, but it’s the only one I can find.)

What. The. Fuck.

Oh, but it’s alright because she sheds the skin in the end and everything returns to a relative normal.

Except for the fact that the ending implies that the skin takes another victim and survives. Yeah. IT’S A REAL THING.

The message that the episode taught was great. It’s a message that teenage girls really do need to hear: that you have your own normal and that trying to be others’ version of “normal” can end up changing who you really are and up taking away all of the cool, badass qualities that make you, well, you. The problem is that this episode is so terrifying how the hell do you show this to kids?!? The fact that I remembered this episode so vividly despite the fact that I haven’t seen this show since it aired is a testament to the fact that it I probably shouldn’t have watched it as a child. I just... I’m baffled on how this got made! It’s... just... *shivers.*

I mean, questionable episodes aside, the show itself was interesting. The visuals were certainly unique and interesting to watch. The character designs were so original and iconic that going back and watching the original cartoon short, it’s kind of crazy that they weren’t always like that. The soundtrack, sound effects, even some of the voice acting was enjoyable the listen to. As I said before, it has a very 50′s aesthetic with a futuristic twist, which gives it this odd balance between feeling dated but also surprisingly modern. The backgrounds appear to be hand-painted, which is probably the reason for its dated look; I think it was a rather nice touch. I honestly have to give it to the sound effects department for being so on top of the little noises and such for every little movement Jenny made. It really created a sense of life in the character and I really did appreciate it in the small moments. I will have to say though, going back and watching this series, it didn’t exactly age as well as I had hoped. There were some nice episodes that I enjoyed but many of the episodes I found were pretty mediocre at best. Maybe it’s simply because I’ve gotten older and many of the jokes/gags just weren’t funny anymore. Maybe it’s because the characters themselves were simply 2-dimensional at best and dealt with stereotypical teenage problems. I’m not sure but really, I just wasn’t amused. Now, maybe I just need to watch more of this series as it appears to be a bit of a slow burn but really I’m just not that hype to jump on rewatching it.

If I had to rate this show, I’d probably give it a 6.8 out of 10. 

I’ll probably sit down and rewatch all of this at some point; after all, it seems decent enough. But really, if I never watch it again, I wouldn’t be too upset. It’s pretty much what I’d call “bubble gum TV;” if I want to turn on something mindless for a little while, I’d probably watch it but I wouldn’t be too invested. It’s just pretty... bland.

I think a lot of people have a bit of rose-tinted goggles when looking at this show and as such, it becomes kind of hard to criticize it. Does it deserve to be forgotten? Not necessarily. But I don’t think that it’s really as great as a lot of people think of it to be.

As for me, I’m gonna put this back in the shelves of my vault to watch one day. But when that day will be? We’ll just have to wait around and see what happens.

[Edit 11/21/118: I’m testing out a new tagging system. Let’s see if this fixes the broken links issues.]

If there are any corrections you’d like to make in regards to this post, please feel free to send me a message with your corrections and I’ll get back to it as soon as I can!

Do you remember a cartoon your friends have never heard of? Got a scene from an animated film that you’re dying to know the name to? Send your questions to The Cartoon Archivist and I’ll see what I’ve got in the vault!

[till-the-blue-skies-chase]

July 10, 2018

The Owl House looks super cool! I have a feeling it’ll have a Gravity Falls-esq atmosphere, what with the horror-comedy genre. I don’t expect it to be anything but gorgeous, and even the skeptic in me saying that every show I love will have a disappointing cop-out ending is quieter than usual. I’m super pumped for this series, and I just wanted a place to collect promotion material and analyze them. Currently I’m going by the description and a few images from Tumblr and the Disney Wiki page, but if you have any other official information or doodles from twitter, I’d love to hear about them!

“The series is a horror-comedy series that follows Luz, a self-assured teenage human girl who accidentally stumbles upon a portal to the Demon Realm. There she befriends a rebellious witch, Eda, and an adorably tiny warrior, King. Despite not having magical abilities, Luz pursues her dream of becoming a witch by serving as Eda's apprentice at the Owl House and ultimately finds a new family in an unlikely setting”

I want to know how to pronounce her name. I call her ‘Luz’ in my head, with a short ‘u’, but I wonder if it’ll be pronounced ‘looz’ which sounds...well, like a term used to describe a certain room in the house. It also sounds like ‘lose’, which is interesting as well.

I’d put her age at around fourteen or fifteen, certainly not lower than thirteen. But this is coming from someone who though Gideon Gleeful was in his thirties, so I’m probably not the best at age estimates.

‘Accidentally stumbles upon a portal’? I wonder if it’s a sort of rip in reality, a magical artifact, a magical portal opened accidentally by a spell, or a villain's doing? Like perhaps they were trying to gain entrance to the mortal realm? -Like another demon we know?-

(That aside, I wonder if we’ll get a little Bill cameo. Like I’m guessing well see a little triangle doodled on the corner of a book. A really tiny easter egg.)

Back to Luz; what about her family? Does she have parents? She goes on to (I’m assuming) live in the demon realm for a while, so I’m super curious about her mortal world family. Is she an orphan? Are her parents awful? Does she have any siblings? Friends? I worry for them and I worry for her.

Is Luz safe in the demon realm? Will she have to be wary about being a human surrounded by supernatural creatures?

How will she get to know Eda and King? Will they rescue her from some sort of threat? Will they be the first people she meets?

How old is King? What about his family? Was he training to be a warrior? How do he and Eda know each other? Was he an acquaintance of hers before she started rebelling?

I’m very interested in the magical system and this world in general; who rules the place? Who is Eda rebelling against? Societal convention or an authority figure?

What exactly is “The Owl House”? I’m taking a guess and saying that it’s either the name of a class in this world or is a name given to people who associate with Eda, given that she’s known as ‘The Owl Lady’ (more on that later).

I’m also intrigued by the fact that the description implies that having ingrained magical abilities is one thing, and being able to perform magic just by training is another. I’m wondering if she actually has no potential to do magic and trains to be able to from scratch/ learns how to use the staff, or if she actually does have some magical abilities and has to work to discover and hone them.

Luz’s character design is so cute!

She and Eda have the same gold eyes; I wonder if this has to do with magical abilities or is symbolism. OR *puts tinfoil hat on* Luz is actually Eda’s daughter, and she was sent to the mortal world- yeah, probably the former. In fact, there seems to be a sort of gold motif around these three; Luz and Eda’s eyes, the latter’s nails and necklace (or whatever that gold thing on her dress is), King’s collar, the sparkles all around them...food for thought.

I see the creepy looking building in the background with “The Owl Sh-” (I can only assume it says ‘shop’)  written on it; more on that later. I’m assuming this is where Eda lives/works. I suppose she runs a shop of sorts?

There’s a massive stained glass design of a red eye on the top of the building. Hmm.

Eda looks a little villainous in this image, so I’m wondering if she will be introduced or come off as sinister. King is also so darn cute.

Cool mom nonchalantly throws magical bug at son, unfazed by daughter’s bewilderment.

Luz seems to have a slightly different outfit here; the pink gradient on her shoes is gone (maybe that was a trick of the lighting) and so are the pink shapes on the bottom of her leggings. The strings of her shirt are gone, and her irises aren’t visible here, though that may be because of that expression. The irises return in later drawings.

So, front and center in the background; ‘The Owl Lady’ is at large with a comically heavy price on her head.

So, first of all, she freaking framed her ‘wanted’ poster. I’m guessing Eda is quite proud of this. I love her for that.

This photo also implies that she’s known King for a while, and he’s likely wanted as an accomplice.

I’m curious as to whether this reward was placed by a personal enemy or by a governing body or other authority figure.  

She’s known as the ‘Owl Lady’; she’s probably a bit of an enigma. That being said, the building on the first photo probably said ‘Owl Shop’ on it, so...Maybe whoever wanted to capture her could search the building that looks pretty darn suspicious? This points to the building being either abandoned or obscured heavily by magic. Or the fact that they know where she is but can’t actually capture her.

Has she failed to have been captured because of her power or because of her being in hiding?

The shop thing is so weird. I don’t even know what to make of it. I guess she owns or lives in this store, but maybe I’m taking the ‘living in the workspace’ thing straight from Gravity Falls.

It seems that they use a dollar sign to represent whatever currency they use.

On to the rest of the background; Eda has an accordian. I need answers. Somebody came in second place for something at some point and she felt the need to hang the medal on her wall. Eda, you better have a good explanation for the friking hand on your wall because otherwise I’m dubbing you ‘Hand Witch 2.0’.

She also has a foam finger and radio; does the demon realm just have similar technology to the mortal world or is it something that perhaps ‘fell through’, maybe through a portal like how Luz did? If so, how interested is she in these items to have kept and displayed them in her home? Was this a reason she was interested in Luz and agreed to teach her magic?

It’s a little hidden by Luz’s hand, but it looks as if there’s an eye with a slitted pupil as a decoration in the center of the couch. HMMM.

The lamp, I’m assuming, is lit by magic, but it would be pretty darn cool if the demon realm had electricity.  

Other notable items; an umbrella, what looks like a small photograph of sorts, or something else in a little frame, an askew corner of what looks like cardboard or paper thumb-tacked to the wall, a cow skull, the thing in a oval frame that King is obscuring, the sword and axe.

I suppose the satchel belongs to Luz; it looks brighter than everything else and has a little purple dinosaur sticker that matches her shirt. I guess this may be her school bag?

Why is King wearing a collar? Is it an identification thing from when he was working/training as a warrior?

I’m so curious about the recurring owls! The frame has an owl on it too. Is Eda known as ‘The Owl Lady’ just because of her staff?

I’m curious about that staff too; Eda holds it here but other official doodles show only Luz with it. I’m guessing that the staff helps her enhance/control her powers, or it’s just a sort of broom, and that she will eventually pass it on to Luz.

Eda reminds me of Pearl for some reason? Just the way she looks, and seems to carry and present herself, coupled with the fact that she’s rebellious and carries a long, stick-shaped weapon. I doubt her personality would match up, though. I think she’d be a bit more like Garnet in that she’ll be hard to impress and powerful, and a bit like Stan Pines in that she will be very sly and deceitful along with wanting to bond with and protect others. Of course, you can’t always describe a character completely in terms of others. She’ll likely be an interesting person nonetheless. I’m looking forward to seeing what she’s like and seeing just how wrong my guesses are.

I have a feeling Luz is going to be a smartass. She looks like a snarky person, but also a little bit of a dork.

I love King already. I’m guessing he’ll be quite loyal to both Eda and Luz. I feel like he’s going to be a sort of younger brother type to Luz.

Other photos of interest, though I’m not sure how official they are;

Luz doing some magic with her hand. I’m wondering again about the magic system; is she only able to do this because she’s holding the staff or because she’s practiced?

Is she reciting a spell or just speaking or yelling while doing magic?

So her staff doubles as a ‘broom’ sort of thing? Interesting!

Please tell he that owl isn’t sentient. I’m hoping it falls more into ‘magic that works like technology’ than it does full on sentience like Aladdin’s magic carpet.

Confirmation that King has two eyes; when I first saw the first two photos, I was worried because his right (?) eye was closed.

They’re eating ice cream here, and again I’m wondering about how technology will work in this show. They had to get this ice cream from somewhere and had to keep it cool somewhere, so it looks like there’s a market for ice cream in the demon realm and Eda either has a freezer or keeps them cold with magic.

Or maybe I’m completely wrong about the premise and Luz is hopping between realities. I’m so worried for this child. Is she going to get home she’s probably been reported missing are her family/friends okay.

There’s...another eye shape on the side of the couch. What. Is. With. The. Bill. Cipher. Eyes.

Eda is unimpressed by tiny demon trying to steal her ice cream. Threatens to light him on fire. I wonder what that little guy is doing there. Perhaps those little creatures are the equivalent of mice.

More evidence for King being a little brother type to Luz! I’ve got a feeling that I’m going to love their interactions! Cuties!

The fact that King is eating ice cream from a cone suggests that they got it in the demon realm. You can get ice cream in a cone prepackaged (like with those drumsticks ice cream) but it’s more common to get it at an actual ice cream store.

Or maybe I’m just over analyzing a couple of doodles for an animated kids show that’s not going to air for almost a year from now. I don’t know what I’m doing. I wrote five pages. Twelve if you include all the photos.

Some plot predictions;

I imagine Luz will be adamant about wanting to learn magic, and Eda will be skeptical about teaching her. I’m thinking they’ll have a bit of tension going into it.

I don’t know where the exact tweet is, but Alex Hirsch described it as ‘making the censors want to quit’. Gravity Falls definitely pushed the boundaries (hard) for the creep factor, but I’ve got a feeling this show will do much worse. I’m looking forward to seeing a deeply unsettling world and some very dark story elements.

I’m sure that all of them will get to be badass together at some point and I look forward to that day.

Just waiting here to see how yet another ‘goofy kid’s show’ tears my heart out. Fun times for all.

Images and description pulled from:

http://danaterrace.tumblr.com/tagged/the-owl-house

http://disney.wikia.com/wiki/The_Owl_House

[herstarburststories]

Can cancer kill an angel? ✘ Dark!Barry | Savitar Imagine ✘

✘ A/N: I want to make a parte 2 for it, actually, I believe I’ll, then we can see Savitar helping reader and she thinking that she’s crazy.

Thanks for my beta as always, @lyss-91

✘ Request: Hi can u pls do a savitar!barry x reader where he has a soft spot for her due to the fact in the future shes the only one who care for him while the team didnt accept him? They eventually become lover but she died. So in the past he cant help but want to be close by with reader n secretly help her. He want to change her future too. Make it angst pls. Thanks.

She moved away from his cold yet soft lips, her apology on the tip of her tongue like a sentence that it had been a mistake, the judge was her mouth, and she was about to declare that lie so true in her mind by his lack of reaction.

Instead, he approached her and captured her lips in his, offering sweet freedom to the kiss.

It was the first time that Barry Allen’s time remnant felt pure in what seemed like an eternity of filth. As if the speed in his veins was asleep and woke up to the adrenaline alarm that only she could provide.

True love, no matter how clichéd it sounded, was more efficient than any V9.

(Y/N) helped him arrange something inside himself, without even noticing, at that moment. In fact, she never left Barry alone, preventing his sadness from becoming routine and not letting life run out of him. But (Y/N) did not bring him back.

She never let him go.

Savitar woke up sweaty, and typically alone in his lair. He ran his hands through his hair falling into his functional eye, his heavy breathing evidenced his turbulent mind. Those dreams with (Y/N) were like a bittersweet tragedy: remembering pleasure and pain at the same time as love itself.

Fortunately, soon Savitar would not need to sleep, because Gods don’t need something so trivial. And his dreamy memories would not bother him anymore, because you would really be by his side. This time, he would save you. Nothing, not even death, could stand in his way to be with you. Gods do not fear death, they are not crushed by it; they manipulate it. Shaking his head, Savitar ignored the onset of the anxiety attack as he remembered the circumstances of your end, it was no time for that, this reality would be only a nightmare soon.

Tried, tried and tried to have the luxury of sleep for a few more hours, but it was impossible. He looked around, Killer Frost was nowhere to be seen, probably too busy with her own dilemmas in the middle of the night.

Savitar knew that on nights like this, awakened too early by the salt which his own subconscious insisted to playing on his open wounds, he wouldn’t be able to sleep without calming down. Being sober looked like a private punishment, and maybe it was. Savitar could not get drunk with alcohol, like the little ants affectionately called humans, but he could get drunk with something far more destructive and pleasurable than a bottle of inlaid chemicals.

In less than 10 seconds, Allen was inside your apartment, watching you sleep peacefully.

How could an angel like you be so defective inside and no one notice? But it was okay now, gods take care of their angels. And he would take care of you.

“He looks at her sleeping, that’s creepy!” You rolled your eyes as crossed your arms, and Barry giggled in answer to your little revolt. “What? If you ever do that, I’ll kill you, Bartholomew.”

Savitar laughed humorlessly as he embraced that old recurring memory as a son embracing his abusive father. He wondered if your opinion would change due to the circumstances or if you would just kick him out.

He touched your arm carefully, and finally felt his skin against yours, even in such a simple gesture, was a painful relief. Like a person picking up a beautiful rose full of thorns; the pain was worth the feel of the touch without gloves, without protection against any kind of intensity.

Just like he remembered, your eyes opened sleepily, but soon they were clever and your features became red alert. You moved away from his touch with surprising agility, he didn’t remember this particular detail: when you were afraid, you act on impulse.

“I didn’t come to hurt you.” Savitar declared his unchanging truth, the only concept that would never change, a dogma that he would insist on preaching until the end of time.

“Says the psychopath who invaded my house in the middle of the night and wants to kill my friend. Got it.” Irony had always been your favorite weapon anyway, even those not-so-intentional stabs he had missed.

“I’ll save you, my goddess. I promise.” Savitar swore to himself, though the words were addressed to you. It almost seemed like you were making a pact with the devil. And as fast as it had come, the god of speed was gone. Leaving only the sensation of a kiss on your forehead and your mind in confusion.

Save you from what? Why did he care about you? Why didn’t he hurt you?

Your eyes widened in sudden clarity, you whole body grew colder than Killer Frost’s with this foreboding conclusion.

Did he know you had cancer and wanted to save you from it?

Why?

[2to3now4]

2/16/18

this dream unsettled me all day after i had it so i wrote about it and drafted it right before i went to sleep, although now it’s not quite as scary as it seemed at the time

only thing i remember from my dream was that it started out with me playing ovw. i was in a deathmatch game and i absolutely wasnt playing to win at all, i was kind of just dicking around and saying hi to people and emoting and stuff. i ended up befriending a couple other people in the match and one of them was this one dude who ended up getting... like... really attached to me. 

he didnt want me to stop paying attention to him or even stop playing the game at all and got frustrated when i said i had to log off. got off my computer feeling content with how fun the past couple of games had been and i took in my surroundings and i was back in my childhood home. again. cant ever dream about living anywhere other than the house i grew up in. never once dreamed about my current apartment. anyway this wasnt like... any surprise for me, it always feels natural when i dream about my old house, like im always still supposed to be living there. 

so i go about the rest of my day and do the shit i need to do, couple hours pass and im talking to my mom, i look at my phone and im like. getting texts from the guy. from ovw. and im obviously very weirded out because i definitely didnt give him my number so im like “uhhhh haha what the fuck’s going on!” 

he confesses he’d been stalking me and my sister (who doesnt live with me or anything so she didnt physically pop up in my dream he just offhandedly mentioned her) and he’d been collecting as much information on us as he possibly could over like the past couple months or something. he was obsessed and.. like.. iirc he was a photographer and was desperate to do a photoshoot with us and “capture our beauty” or something which was like... the cherry on top of creepy. 

he texts me he’s “on his way” and at this point i think i’m like full blown panicking. i tell my mom and ask her if the doors are locked and she tells me she thinks they are. i look out the dining room window and see his car pull up on our gravel road and he gets out and makes his way to our little wood sidewalk and i’m definitely panicking now. i run over to the front door to double check if it’s locked and it fucking isnt. it’s wide open. i manage to lock it just as he’s stepping up on our porch and i think he like... put his face + hands up against the glass and told me that he was gonna do whatever he could to find a way inside. i remember him being kind of tall and gawky and scruffy looking and he had a big oversized work coat on and he just... radiated bad energy. 

you ever seen the thriller movie hush? this was some hush shit. trapped in my own house in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by forest, no next door neighbors, and a dangerous, unfamiliar man circling around the place searching for a way inside. 

i rushed over to my mom and grabbed my phone to call 911 and it was like... deformed. its shape had been warped and it was completely unusable. asked my mom where her phone was and she wasnt really like... responding entirely? she was kind of just staring dead ahead and seemed really foggy. eventually i found her phone in her room on my own, which was her super old white blackberry instead of the phone she has currently in real life which, now that i think about it, is kind of weird because i think i also still had long hair in this dream too...? and this is a dream centered around my childhood home like Wow i CANNOT let go of the past this is so funny. anyway. 

i think im crying a little at this point so i ask her to call 911 instead because i didnt want to “““forget our address””” during the call or mess up in any way because of how shaken up i was, i dont know. and she’s like... almost entirely unresponsive. she’s mumbling something but her lips are barely moving and she’s gone totally dead-eyed with a thousand yard stare and i’m absolutely losing my mind with fear. the guy calls me through her phone which is still in my hand and he tells me that hes. like. underneath the floorboards. and that hes coming in. 

which now that i think about it is really silly and actually kind of funny because he couldve just broken a window or something but instead now hes going to crawl under our house and break through the foundation and up INTO our actual floor like alright man you do you. make things harder for yourself. but anyway yeah the dream ends there and i woke up in a cold sweat, and i was thankful that it was over because i really didnt want to see what happened next. sometimes i’ll have a really good dream and i’ll wake up halfway through it and then try to ease myself back into sleep so i can find out what happens next, and this was not one of those times 

i seem to have a lot of dreams about home invasions. i’ve noticed that’s a recurring theme.