#I was supposed to have canceled it yesterday but forgot…

[tariah23]

NOOO, I forgot to cancel my free pixiv premium membership auahanajljjjk I don’t want to be charged 30 bucks for this orz…

[fingertipsmp3]

I feel like I’ve lived through at least a month just in the past 3 days. I checked the date just now and damn near had an out of body experience when I realised Monday was only two days ago

[palajae]

hypegirl! | two.

PAIRING ▸ soccer player! niki x afab! reader

GENRE ▸ soccerl! au, roommates!au, romance, fluff, angst, humor

WORD COUNT ▸ 3.2k

SUMMARY ▸ all you want is to join the boys’ soccer team. all niki wants is to get minji’s attention. as roommates, what better than to strike a deal and help each other out? nothing really, except for one glaring issue: your blossoming feelings for said roommate. oh, and the fact that you’re technically supposed to be your brother, kim sunoo. 

AKA a hopefully more sfw version of she's the man? 

NOTES ▸ based off she’s the man (2006), reader is sunoo's sister and pretends to be her brother sunoo, mentions of porta pottys? —let me know if there’s any typos!

masterlist. | next.

ESTIMATED TIME OF ARRIVAL… 

you’re kidding. 

not only were team selections in two days, sunoo (the real one) had just texted you that there was a fair tomorrow. 

with both the soccer camp and your (his?) music camp in attendance. the soccer players were allowed free entrance as it was their day off, while musicians from the band camp were invited to perform and volunteer amidst all the activity. 

“h-hey, niki.” you call out while still texting your brother. “have you heard about some fair tomorrow?”

he sits up. “oh yeah. i was just talking to jay about it. our group is gonna go. it’d be a great chance for you to bond with the other members of the team. you know, brownie points or whatever it’s called.”

you pretend to look excited, “oh yeah, of course!”

your face drains of color. 

because there was one problem: sunoo had several activities he volunteered for, no backouts allowed. 

and he was currently sick. with a stomach bug or something. 

you violently typed back to him telling him to cancel, but the freaking guy already told his band leaders that someone else would be there to fill in for him.

you slap a hand to your forehead. there’s no way you have to fill in for both you and your brother. there’s no way you can be two people tomorrow. 

well, it actually turns out that you can. after shoving the fake eyebrows, makeup, and clothes needed to transform appearances into your trusty bag, you make it. 

with a bonus, the dress from your mother that sunoo gets a friend to deliver to you. 

you meekly follow behind niki’s teammates as they enter the fair, tension high. 

you’re already sweating and the sun wasn’t even out yet. 

you jump when niki swings an arm around you. face burning, you can only nod when he says, “don’t worry and just have fun. the other guys will warm up to you real fast.” 

as kim sunoo, a guy hanging out with niki and his group, you realize you are doomed. 

the whole time the boys go on rides, play games and hang out, you’re checking the time. oh shoot, your eyes widen. you’re supposed to be at the dunking station right now. 

“crap, i gotta use the restroom. be back soon, sorry guys-!” 

you dash off without another word, leaving the team to exchange weird looks. 

you fly towards the nearest, nastiest, portable toilet. you’ve never gotten ready that fast in your life. wig off, makeup removed and reapplied, and annoying clothes sent by mother on. 

you run to your post, gasping. “hi, i’m here filling in for sunoo?” 

without a second of hesitation, you’re dragged into volunteer work. 

as soon as things get slow, you make an excuse to use the restroom. 

you bust out of the stall with sweat dripping down your face, probably ruining your makeup. coming to a screeching halt, you almost curse. you forgot to take your makeup off. 

exhaling, you walk out again. you’re pretty sure you got some weird looks coming out of the stall—appearance entirely different. 

“sunoo! there you are.” you catch up to the guys, acting normal as if you weren’t just a different person five minutes ago. 

“we were wondering what was taking so long. you okay?” the concern in niki’s eyes makes you glance away. 

“i think it was the burrito from yesterday…” 

not even thirty minutes later are you checking the time and making an excuse to go again.

“dang, was it really that bad?”

embarrassment fills your body at the thought that all the guys on one of the best soccer teams have to see you like this. were your chances ruined? 

“i’m super sorry but i really need to go-“

they watch as you scramble away. 

niki frowns, “sunoo’s not normally like this. i wonder if he’s okay.” 

and then you are you again. this time, wearing your dumb preppy outfit, handing out dumb fliers for the camp you weren’t even attending. the camp that you tried your hardest to avoid. 

you pull down your stiff, short skirt while handing out snacks and water bottles to people walking by. as you turn to grab more snacks, you hear the volunteers next to you begin to whisper. 

“i think they’re from the soccer camp. wow, isn’t he really tall?”

“—kinda cute?”

your eyes widen. no way, could they be talking about?

you turn and see, of course, niki and the rest of your group. 

all approaching the table you were currently standing out. beginning to freak out, you have second thoughts about running away again. you abruptly turn away, pretending to organize the snacks that needed no organizing. 

what if they recognize you? what if-

“hey.” 

you come back to your senses, seeing a shy niki—of all people—in front of you. 

you avoid eye contact, praying and hoping he doesn’t recognize you. nervously, you run a hand through your hair and give a bottle to him. 

“hi.” 

when your hand brushes against his, your breath hitches. you can certainly feel his dark orbs bore into yours. but he’s not letting go and neither are you. 

“thanks,” he says softly. you nod, trying to keep your gaze on the ground.

remembering where you are, you quickly snatch your hand back. but of course, your nerves get the best of you and cause you to knock into a pile of water bottles in the process. 

they all fall and you jump, startled at the noise. niki chuckles as you scramble to set it back up. 

of course, niki being niki has to help you set it back up. you can feel the tension in the air and it makes your hands tremble. 

as you reach for the last bottle, his hand lands on top of yours again.

eyes widening, you finally make eye contact. 

then his eyebrows furrow. shoot. 

“have we met before?” 

you begin to laugh nervously and clear your throat. you had gotten too used to speaking in a deeper voice to him. 

“m-me? i don’t think so.”

if anything, it feels like he stares deeper into your eyes, “you look really familiar. are you sure-?” 

you nod frantically. “i’m pretty sure we haven’t met before.” 

“oh, okay,” strands of hair fall into his eyes and you resist the urge to fix it, “i’m riki.”

“riki?” you voice aloud, and he laughs again. 

“yeah. are you gonna tell me yours or am i just gonna have to call you clumsy girl?” 

you say it, albeit hesitantly, but you being the idiot you were since day one, you tell him your full name. 

his eyes widen, “no way, are you—“ 

that’s when you know you messed up. 

“—kim sunoo’s sister?” 

you let out a painful laugh, “oh, that’s not-“

“that must be why you looked so familiar. you and your brother look really alike!” his reaction was so genuine that you’re actually embarrassed at how you laughed like a middle schooler. 

niki suddenly frowns, looking around. 

“you know, he was with us a few minutes ago but-“

you really need to get out of here before he finds out, you think as your heart pounds.

“if you’ll excuse me—“

but in your rush, you stumble in those dumb dress shoes the advisor told you to wear—that you were obviously not used to. 

you fling your arms out like a toddler trying to ice skate, and obviously, niki has to catch you in his arms like your personal prince charming. 

you stare at each other in utter silence and shock. 

“hi again?” he whispers and you suppress a smile at his utter adorableness. 

“sorry?”

niki’s arms stay wrapped around you until you clear your throat. 

“um, you can let go of me now.”

he laughs sheepishly, “yeah. o-of course, my bad.”

for a minute or two while gathering yourselves, brushing off imaginary dust, you’re not sure what to do. the butterflies in your stomach weren’t making it any better. 

“are you working here the whole time? cause like, when your shift ends, maybe we could like-?”

your eyes widen. they flick to his friends drilling holes at the two of you, some laughing and obviously hyping niki up behind his back. and then to the other volunteers eyeing you in jealousy or frustration that you weren’t doing your job, you’re not sure. 

all while you try your best to avoid jungwon’s squinty gaze. there’s no way… right?

“are you from around here?”

you softly laugh, “no, i’m here just volunteering…”

you don’t like how happy and light you feel while talking to niki, finally able to be with him him as truly yourself. 

but there’s that sinking feeling in your stomach that you try to push away. dread. like you’re going to get caught, or maybe you already were. 

you’re having such a good time just talking together that you forget about sunoo until niki brings him up again. 

“i swear your brother was with us earlier. he said he went to the restroom but i don’t know..”

you feel the light feeling fall flat, the floating you smack the concrete hard. this was reality—you had limited time with niki. 

you frown, acting all concerned. you were getting too good at that. “oh really? maybe i should go find and check on him.” 

niki starts, “i can go with you—“

“no!” you shout, before laughing hastily. 

“it’s okay. i’ll find him and come back. plus, i still have to volunteer. if i don’t, then it’s probably because i have to go back to camp…”

you see his face fall a little as he nods. “yeah, of course.” 

biting your lip, you make an impulsive decision. 

you kiss him on the cheek. 

“i’ll see you sometime?” you smile before dashing off to change. 

niki can only stares at you until he loses you in the crowd, touching the place on his cheek that you pressed your soft lips to. 

only for you to change and go back out as kim sunoo again. 

it’s not hard for you to find the group again, still in the same location. most of the guys were crowded around niki. which you expected, of course, but kim sunoo would never know that since he just came back from the restroom. 

“what’s going on?” 

all the guys, with matching grins and smirks, immediately disperse, leaving only a flustered niki. 

“niki?”

it’s hard to pretend like nothing just happened, seeing niki’s reaction made you realize just how affected you were too. 

“n-nothing. we can talk about it later.” 

you want to feel a bit hurt that he simply brushes it off, but you can feel how flushed your face is. to the point that you can’t even hold eye contact with niki for more than two seconds. 

“alright. you better keep me on that promise. let’s get back to the group.” 

you internally chide yourself for being so awkward. 

you needed to get a hold of yourself before something went wrong.

you barely slept. the dark under eye bags you sported were evident proof. you were too nervous for team decisions. 

all the fears and doubts came back. you weren’t good enough. after all, you had spent most of your life playing soccer as a hobby, never properly recognized or given the chance for more serious training. 

even more so, you weren’t even allowed at this camp. what if they found out and kicked you entirely from the camp? 

perhaps your constant shuffling in bed caused niki to wake up. 

“sunoo. why aren’t you sleeping? tomorrow’s a big day.”

you almost jolt. “sorry, did i wake you?”

“never mind that. just answer the question.” 

you gulp at his firm tone. and so you voice your fears, insecurities, and weaknesses to niki. someone and something you would have never expected doing, but you would never regret. or forget. 

“sunoo.”

“i know i probably sound dumb, and i’m being a bit irrational. or a lot,” you ramble on. 

“sunoo.” 

you sigh. “yeah?”

“relax. i think you’ll be more than fine. maybe you couldn’t tell but everyone else could—we could see your immense improvement. and more importantly, your passion and drive. you worked so hard for this. there’s nothing for you to be scared of and you know it. we all do.” 

for a minute, you’re stunned. his words hit deeper than you thought. all of the stress and anxiety, both mentally and physically, drops on you all at once. 

his next words are what get you. 

“i’m proud of you.” 

“thank you, riki. that means a lot. like, a lot.” 

and whether he heard your quiet sniffles or not, he says nothing.

before you know it, it’s morning. and before you know it, all the guys are lined up in front of the coaches. the already assigned teams get into their groups, having been on the same team for years while attending the camp. while the newbies, including you, stand off to the other side. 

you see niki nod at you encouragingly before moving to the other side of the field. 

you can feel your heart pounding in your chest. weeks had gone by, and after this day, another week would go by. the only difference would be that you would be on a team. hopefully: niki’s team. 

you didn’t even realize when it was your turn. one of the coaches turns to you with his clipboard. 

“kim. you’ve improved—immensely.” 

you’re not sure if you should take it as a compliment or insult, but you nod anyways. 

“that’s why we all decided you’re a good fit for enhypen.” 

it doesn’t hit you at first. but as the boys cheer, and you see niki with a bright smile welcoming you, your mouth drops. 

you run towards the group, arms wide open to engulf you. in your happiness you run straight into niki’s arms, causing him to let out a big oof!

the other teammates surround you two. not only you but park sunghoon and lee heeseung made it to enhypen. 

you couldn’t believe you made it. everyone else believed you were good enough to be on their team. 

niki believed. 

after they released you, calming down as the coaches finished assigning the rest of the players, you feel someone ruffle your hair. 

startled, you look up to see niki with a proud grin. it makes your heart skip a beat. “congrats,” he whispers and you nod bashfully. 

“thanks again,” you stare up at him. it was too easy to get lost into his eyes. his dark gaze always seemed to engulf you. now, and especially at the fair. 

you realize you may have been staring at each other too long when you hear clapping and cheering. they were done assigning teams. 

you both look away while niki coughs and you swallow thickly. 

that night, you can feel something different in the air. whether it was your acknowledgment of your (quite) obvious feelings for niki or something he was keeping from you, you weren’t sure. 

all you knew was you couldn’t get him off your mind after that day at the fair. you had already thought about him quite often, but niki now entered your dreams, your point of vision much more than you liked. 

especially since you were still supposed to be getting him with minji.

but it was so easy to ignore, to prevent. specifically when niki says he has something to tell you as you both get in bed. 

“well, you see- i actually- uh,” he fumbles for words and you furrow your brows. 

why was he so nervous? what was so important that he had to tell you?

“what is it?” you interrupt him impatiently. 

“i-i might’ve met your sister. the other day at, at the fair.” 

oh. oh. that’s right. you weren’t supposed to know. since you were “gone” when niki met your sister- when niki met the real you.

and he was telling you right now as if you didn’t know anything. because you aren’t supposed to know anything. 

“and, uh, she was nice. really nice. like i was surprised because i didn’t think she would be like that but uh, you know. also she looks a lot like you to the point i almost thought she was you for a sec-“

“niki. what are you trying to say?” you keep your tone nonchalant, but internally you were freaking out. 

really, what was he trying to say?

you hear a lot of rustling from his side of the room. “oh-uh, nothing. she’s cool. yeah. so like, i don’t really think about minji that much anymore?”

you must’ve blanked out for a tiny bit because you come back to niki saying 

“-you feel me?”

you clear your throat, “uh totally, man.” 

all you remember is him mentioning he wasn’t that interested in minji anymore. your eyes bulge as you sit up in bed. 

“wait, wait, wait. you’re not into minji anymore? what—why?”

“i dunno, i just find myself thinking about other things..” 

there’s no way. you’re mystified. could that mean? 

“you’re saying you’re moving on? to me-my sister?” 

“huh? wha-“ he laughs awkwardly. “i didn’t say that!” 

“no, this is a good thing! that you’re getting over her,” you say a little too eagerly, so you then clear your throat, “i mean, i guess. i just think you deserve someone better than minji.” 

niki nods although you can’t see, keeping your thoughts in mind. 

the joint conditioning between the soccer and lacrosse players were coming to an end, to your relief (and minji’s disappointment). 

“aww,” she pouts during one afternoon break, “i’m gonna miss you a lot, sunoo.”

“yeah, you were a good partner.” you smile weakly. as you leave to get more water, she frowns. 

there was no way you weren’t picking up on her signals. she wonders if she could get closer to you by asking your friends. the only person she saw around you the most-?

that’s right, nishimura riki. 

you didn't expected to be attacked by niki on the way back to the dorms. he completely forgets how much smaller and lighter you were than he imagined. his hands find their way onto your shoulders forcefully so you’re forced to make eye contact. 

your wide eyes meet his eager ones. 

“sunoo-! you won’t believe what just happened! i actually can’t believe it, is this even real?!”

“huh.” 

he lets go, to your relief. he jumps around, full of energy even though you just had a five hour practice? 

“man, i just can’t believe it still. kim minji talked to me- like to me personally!” 

he brings a hand to his forehead. 

“she knows i exist. she smiled at me.”

you can’t help the disappointment that fills you from bottom to too. 

“what? but what about the whole, you know, getting over her plan?” 

you don’t even try to hide the dismay in your voice. 

niki jumps up and down, “but minji! she finally talked to me!” 

you try your best (half heartedly) to not seem upset. but you had gotten your hopes up. maybe, just maybe, niki would be interested in you. but how could he be? 

how could he when he didn’t even know who you were? 

and how could it be minji when she didn’t even bat her eyes at him before? 

a/n ▸ sorry for being mia but here's the next part <33 let the drama begin hehe

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[noodyl-blasstal]

King of the (bouncy) Castle

It's @taznovembercelebration day 17 and today I drew the prompt "soft"

Read below or on Ao3 if you prefer. Missed yesterday's? Find it here.

-

“Ko!” Lup yells from the hall.

“What?” He screams from his bedroom, because he’s still deciding on what to wear and if it’s that urgent she can come in.

“Do you know anyone else?”

“In general? Or?”

“Don’t be a dick. Do you know anyone who can come today?”

“Why?”

“Magnus had to drop out.”

“We can win without him.”

“A team is four people.”

“Ask Dav.”

“He’s racing today”

“Lucretia?”

“She just laughed until I hung up. It was a solid 3 minutes.”

“Merle?”

“I’m going to need you to work from the assumption that I have remembered our joint friends with whom we spend all our time”

“But seriously, Merle.”

“Taako, I have tried everyone we jointly know. He said he was going to be busy in the greenhouse, and then he said some other things. Would you like me to tell you what those other things are? Because I can. I can tell you exactly what he had planned for the onions because he told me because I had him on speaker phone and I got trapped in my shirt and he said a lot of words before I could hang up. They’re burned into my brain forever and cha’girl is happy to share that burden.”

“No! Lulu, don’t! I’ll cast silence.”

“I’ll counterspell it. Now start thinking of people.”

“Angus?”

“I also know Angus, and he’s a literal child.”

“He’s, what, 6 now?”

“He’s eleven, Taako, you baked him a cake in the shape of the number for his birthday two weeks ago.” There’s no need for Lup to slander him like this.

“Eleven! That’s basically an adult for humans, right?”

“No.”

“Are you sure?”

“Are you going to stop doing special magic boy lessons with him because he’s all grown up now?” Lup goes for the jugular. He doesn’t have to stand for this cruelty, for the implication that he actually likes spending time with the baby.

“What aboutttt… erm…” Taako changes the topic seamlessly and casts his mind furiously about for a name, any name, of a person Lup wouldn’t have already called. There’s one that popped up as soon as Lup asked and he’s trying his best to see round it but it keeps sidling into his eye line. He can’t though. It’d be a disaster. “Errrrr… Brian.”

“No. Absolutely anyone else.”

“What’s wrong with Brian?”

“He’s in a cult!”

“But apart from the cult stuff he’s lovely.”

“Taako! Do you want to win or not?”

Fine. Fine! Taako does very much want to win, especially after Lydia tripped him last year.

“Kravitz.” He says it fast, like he’s ripping off a plaster. Maybe Lup won’t put two and two together.

“The guy from work?”

“No?”

“Oh, you know another Kravitz, do you?”

“Yes?”

“Is any of that supposed to have convinced me?”

“Is it working?”

“No.”

“Fuck.”

“So… different Kravitz? How do you know Kravitz-Who’s-Not-From-Work? Why do you have a way of getting in touch with him?” Lup’s going to cling to this an unnecessary amount.

“Ooooh are we talking about Kravitz?” Barry, fucking Barry, asks. Wandering his ass right into their private conversation.

“This is a private conversation, Barold.” Yells Taako through the door of his room into the hall of their too-small shared apartment.

“Would you like me to put my noise cancelling headphones on?” Barry asks, earnestly, like he’d actually fucking do it if Taako said yes.

“Absolutely not, Barry, You live in this house and you have every right to be in this hallway.” Lup snaps. She’s still mad about last time Taako forgot to tell Barry he could take the headphones off. In his defence, he made him a cake about it. A jake, in fact, with edible press studs. Barry loved it! Plus, he was listening to one of his lectures, he was fine, happy as a clam!

“Fine.” Taako threw up his hands, no one could see him, but it felt important to do it anyway, you know, for the drama. He couldn’t argue with this, he didn’t have a choice, he may as well give in and call Kravitz, they’ve both worked together to twist his arm. “You’re making me do this though. It’s not because I want to. I’ve been compelled.”

“What?” Says Barry, perplexed. “I thought we were just talking about your crush.”

“His what?” Says Lup.

Taako springs forward and manages to flick the lock across the second before Lup tries the handle.

“You’re in love with death?” She tries the handle a few more times, as if it’ll jiggle the lock free.

“A man isn’t his job, Lup.” Taako shouts back. Denying everything.

“That wasn’t a no!”

“I have to ring him, because you’re making me. Or do you not want to win Bounce Off 2: Bounce in the City?”

There’s grumbling from the other side of the door followed by a muttered “c’mon Barold,” fakeout. Taako’s wise to it though, so he isn’t shocked by her ‘one last try’ of the door handle, or the second attempt that follows after she does fake footsteps away from the door.

“Fine! He’d better be down though and good.”

“He’s tall.” Says Barry, conversationally. He’d better not plan on telling Lup anything else.

“Good. We can use height.Is he strong?” Lup asks.

Kravitz is strong, Taako knows that for normal reasons, reasons like he can carry a lot of pastries when he orders them; and that time he helped Taako move the big table when someone spilled and he had to clean under it. Not reasons like all the time he spends staring at Kravitz’s forearms, and his thighs, and his everything else. Because he doesn’t do that. Taako would never.

“Fine. Don’t answer me.” Lup actually leaves this time, Taako pretends he can’t hear Barry telling her about Kravitz and his newfound love of coffee and baked goods.

Taako [10:23] Yo stud got a minute to chat?

It was only polite to text first, he doesn’t want to jumpscare Kravitz with a phone call, he isn’t a sadist. The three dots flashed up immediately. Thank fuck he’s awake at the crack of dawn.

Bones [10:24] Dear Taako, Of course, I’ve always got time for you. All best, Kravitz.

Taako has been trying hard not to find his ridiculous dork texts endearing. He’s failing. Badly. He ignores the squooshy feeling it gives him and hits the call button instead.

“Hello Taako, it’s lovely to hear from you!” Says Kravitz like he actually means it.

“Hey Krav, quiiiiiick q for ya. What’re you doing this morning?”

“I’m just practising.” Of course he is. Why wouldn’t Kravitz be sat straddling his giant instrument right now? Taako’s mature though, he won’t make a joke about it.

“Can’t keep your hands off your instrument, shameful!” Fuck.

“Well, someone has to keep it in tune.”

Gods, he wasn’t supposed to play along. Why did he keep flirting back? Was this whole thing actually plausible?

“Wanna spend some time with Taako instead?”

“I’d be very interested in that.” Kravitz says, buttery and glorious.

“How do you feel about inflatables?”

There’s a long pause.

“It’s not a sex thing.” Taako says, to make it less weird.

“I’m not sure that makes what you said less weird, Taako.”

“You know, like bouncy castles.”

“Okay.” Kravitz doesn’t sound particularly convinced.

“And my sister will be there.”

There’s another pause. “...And Barry?”

“Obviously.”

“Uh huh.”

Fuck, Taako’s losing him, and it’s suddenly incredibly important that Kravitz not only agree to this, but is also enthusiastic about it. “It’s a competition.” Says Taako.

“Oh?” Of course that piqued his interest, Kravitz loves competition. He tries to help harder than any other customer, tip better than anyone else, and he races people in the street.

“We lost last year, but we’ve been in training.”

“You’ve been in bouncy castle training?”

“Obstacle course training… and also trampolines.”

“Is that what the weird squeaking is when we’re on the phone sometimes?”

“What?”

“You know, the calls where you’re all breathy and there’s the squeaking noise.”

Taako didn’t realise Kravitz had picked up on that. “You didn’t think…?”

“Well now I know it’s not a sex thing.”

“You thought it was a sex thing and you stayed on the phone?”

“I don’t judge.”

“You didn’t wanna ask Taako what he was up to?”

“I know you’re a private person.”

“Not if you think Taako’s doing sex things on the phone without your consent. In fact, that’s the least private a person can be.”

“You make a compelling point.”

Taako doesn’t even begin to know what to do with that. “So… bouncing?”

“Where is it?”

“We can pick you up.”

“All three of you?”

“Barry said he’s sorry and he’ll stop asking about the ‘secret sauce.’”

“I just really don’t think it’s a respectful way to talk about embalming fluid.”

Taako thinks it’s a great way to refer to embalming fluid, but he also wants Kravitz to be happy. “He double pinky promised.”

“Oh, well if he double pinky promised.”

“Great! Pick you up in 20, wear something snazzy.”

Taako hangs up the phone before Kravitz can object or ask anything else. He has limited time and an outfit to re-plan.

[mothxmoons]

Chris’ roommate

You were Chris’ roommate, a civilian, a teacher, his old friend. Just a chance visit at his office when he forgot his pack was met with an encounter that you could never forget.

You were cleaning up your room, you couldn’t find something so you just decided to sort through everything until you found it. So you were in your room for…a while. Chris even came in to let you know that he was leaving for work, that’s how early you got up and went looking for…aw dammit you forgot what you were looking for. You could always finish this later, you need to stretch. You opened your door to go out to the living room, it was a nice apartment, given that you and Chris lived together, you two could afford a nicer apartment.

You were his friend from middle school, you helped with Claire after their parents had died, you were his best friend and the only person he has not dated in high school. He was…a bit of a heartbreaker back then, and he hadn’t exactly stopped either but he has mellowed out drastically compared to back then. You used to have a crush on him but you never actually told him that. You figured it wouldn’t work out so you never said anything, moved on, and then moved in with him as a roommate. You shook your head, clearing your thoughts, before seeing a certain work bag left next to the door.

“Chris…” You groaned, usually he remembered to bring his things but some times you’d have to remind him. You looked over to the clock on the wall, hoping he could still turn around to grab it. But it had been an hour since he left though, so he must be at work by now.

You sighed, grabbing the bag and heading over to the landline in the kitchen, dialing in the RPD work line.

“Chris, you left your bag here.” You said to him as soon as you were patched through to his desk phone.

“Oh! Shit. I can’t believe I forgot it.” Chris groaned, you could hear the laughter of someone in the background and the creak of his chair. “Could you bring it over? Captain Wesker would kill me if I left to go grab it.”

“Chris…” You groaned, looking over to the kitchen. The dumbass forgot his lunch too. “Fine. I’ll bring you your lunch too, idiot.”

You could hear another laugh over the line, but Chris didn’t seem to care.

“Oh! The lunch you made me! Oh please bring that too!”

You remembered him asking if you could make him lunch yesterday since you had the day off the next day, today, as you had an appointment that got cancelled last minute. He was always a sucker for the food you made him, ate everything, would probably eat the plate too if he could. You hung up, grabbing the lunch you prepared for him yesterday, and went out the door.

Driving wasn’t much of a hassle and finding a parking space wasn’t either. The police station was big though and you did have to ask the front desk where Chris Redfield was but they were more than happy to help. You could only hope they didn’t think you weren’t the new girlfriend. Shaking off whatever your mind could come up with you walked up the stairs to the second floor, following the directions the front desk gave to the STARS office. With his bag over your shoulder and his lunch in hand you immediately walked in and dumped it into his lap.

“Care to remember and not make your roommate come all this way?” You asked as his teammates looked at you, they had very wide eyes or arched eyebrows.

“Aw! Roommate? But we’re friends!” He insisted, he was teasing of course, making you roll your eyes and push his head.

“I would sell you to the devil for a penny.” You replied, a woman holding her mouth to hide a chuckle from her.

“Jill!” Ah, so that’s her name. You remember that she’s one of the two people he’d often talk about often when he spoke about work, the other one was-

“Chris, what’s going on?” A new voice spoke, making you turn away from your roommate and to the new man. He was tall, blonde and wore sunglasses inside which you found ridiculous. But…he looked damn good in uniform so you supposed it could slide. Everyone else seemed to tense up and focus on their work, trying to look like they’re not eavesdropping.

“Oh! Captain Wesker, my uh…my roommate was dropping off some things I forgot at home!” Chris said quickly, he was nervous. You remember that name, Wesker was his boss Chris would complain about.

“Roommate? So you do exist. I thought he was using roommate as an excuse to miss work from time to time.” His voice was so nice, you had to admit you could listen to it forever.

“I wouldn’t put it past him.” You agreed, you never asked for Chris’ help a lot, if at all, so if he used you as an excuse to skip work…yeah that sounds like him.

“Hey!” Chris yelled out, a little flustered.

“Unsurprising, your roommate agreed, huh, Chris?” Wesker teased along with you, it seems like he enjoyed doing this to him too.

“Hey!!” Chris was pissed now, two people teasing him at once, what a laugh! The others seemed to be trying to keep themselves from laughing as well.

He groaned, dropping his bag on the floor and his lunch on his desk, and stormed off, probably to the bathroom, to cool down.

Wesker turned to you after watching Chris storm off, putting out his hand and introducing himself.

“I’m Albert Wesker, Captain of STARS.” He smiled slightly, shaking your hand. You introduced yourself as well, smiling back. “I have to be honest, I didn’t think he had a roommate at all for a while. Thought he was dropping work for a girlfriend.”

“Eh, I wouldn’t be surprised.” You shrugged, pointing at the things you brought. “I was just dropping off the things he left at home.”

“That sounds like Chris.” He nodded, he seemed to be enjoying talking to you. He pointed at the lunch on Chris’ desk curiously. “Chris doesn’t normally have his own lunch, usually he goes out.”

“Ah- yeah, Chris had asked I make him lunch for today since I have the day off.” You replied, looking over to the bag and back at him. “Can’t believe he forgot it.”

Wesker nodded and politely walked you to your car all while talking to you. The others seemed surprised when he did that, that he even talked to you for more than an introduction.

According to Chris later that day, Wesker seemed happier the rest of the day. You were glad you got to make someone happier just by talking to them. Although you couldn’t help but be curious what kind of guy he was. Especially since he didn’t seem to be liked being called by his first name by others. Oh well. You had work to do tomorrow.

Wesker was in a good mood, to put it simply, even as he went to Umbrella for even more work to do, he met someone new who didn’t make him feel like he wanted to strangle someone. He was working late that night in the lab with William, probably his only actual friend in the city. Typing away at a report when Annette came into the lab.

“You need to pick Sherry up tomorrow, I have a meeting with some of the scientists.” Was all she said and she didn’t even wait for an answer before leaving the room. She always seems to do that, state something to someone and then just leaves. Wesker has no idea why William married her but it’s not his life.

William turns to him, looking at him with a face that says, “I’m going to ask something of you.”

And he did, “We only have the one car.” Of course that was it. Wesker sighs and he knows damn well he’s not going to let William drive his car alone.

“Where is the school?” He asked, almost in a defeated tone. William smiled and handed him a flier about the school, this is definitely a school Annette picked out. Good area, nice neighborhood, great graduation statistics. Just a good school overall it seems. He sighed again, rubbing his brow.

The next day came faster than he hoped, William would never shut up about Sherry. Wesker knew why and he can see why, Sherry is his best friend’s daughter and he loves her. Sherry is very sweet, a little shy and very smart. William does have a lot to be proud about. And he knows it too, as he goes on and on about her and what her teacher tells him about her learning. Wesker thinks that after what he and William went through, he wouldn’t want his kid going through that either. He almost zoned out at William talking about Sherry before William’s arm almost slammed against his chest pointing at the school, causing him to swerve a bit before they got over to the building safely.

William was very excited to be picking up Sherry, he always was, so excited he grabbed Wesker by the forearm and dragged him to her classroom. Even when he had offered to stay in the car so he can pick her up and spend some time with her. He supposed there are some similarities between Annette and William. He stared at the big door of the classroom, decorated with names of the students, and the teacher’s name on the top of the door.

William was essentially bouncing up and down, he made them get here early just to talk to the teacher. And as soon as the last bell rang, he opened the door and called out for her, Wesker following a little awkwardly. So many little kids stared up at them, mainly at him and “whispered” about his glasses.

Sherry ran up to them and hugged her dad before taking him over to the teacher’s desk, this must be a common occurrence. However, Wesker was surprised to see you sitting there. Leaning up from getting something from the bottom drawer of your desk. He immediately walked over, watching you and William talk about Sherry.

As soon as William was distracted by Sherry showing him what her class did that day, he walked up to you.

“What a coincidence this is.” He says, gaining your attention from one of the other kids giving you a drawing they made for you. He smiled softly, out of the corner of his eye he could see William making the stupidest smug face he had ever seen. But ignored him in favor of talking to you.

“Wesker. A pleasure to see you again.” You replied, smiling such a sweet smile to him. He could feel himself relaxing, which was a surprise to him.

“The pleasure is all mine. I didn’t know you were a teacher.” He said, wanting to keep the conversation going.

“Well, I don’t normally talk about my job since Chris is usually asleep the second he comes home.” You were smiling as he sat across from you, William and Sherry watching the whole exchange happen.

He nodded and asked, “What made you want to be a teacher?”

You gestured to the drawings your students had given you over the year, even one from Sherry it seemed.

“I get to teach a new generation of children every year. I get to see them grow up and learn.” You seemed so fascinated and genuine in your career. That’s a breath of fresh air for him, someone who cares for their job because of what they get to do for others. He nods, understanding where you’re coming from.

Even as the kids start to leave, you chat with Wesker, he doesn’t even seem to care he’s sitting in a very small seat where he looks ridiculous, still in his captain uniform too. It’s William that tells him they have to go, instead of the other way around like Wesker thought it’d be like.

“Mr. Wesker? Are you going to marry my teacher?” Sherry asked suddenly as they walked into the parking lot. “I think you two would be cute together.”

“Wh-what? Sherry!” Wesker said, surprised at her blunt response. William laughed and nudged his shoulder.

“She’s got a point, old friend.” William chimed in, setting Sherry up in the backseat.

“William.” Wesker says pointedly at his friend, but he can’t help but imagine that. Married to a teacher who can cook and take care of kids so genuinely. He’ll have to say sorry to Chris for taking his roommate and making them his spouse, but he wouldn’t actually be sorry. William laughed again, opening up the passenger side and getting into the car.

As they drive off back to the lab, Wesker thinks he might just become the go-to pick up for Sherry.

[shaniacsboogara]

okay the whole "i have the gift of prophecy" thing was a joke but i'm not so sure it's a joke anymore. yesterday i woke up from an insanely vivid dream about opening an acceptance letter from the university i applied to. i'm a person who dreams almost every night and whose dreams are typically pretty intense, but this one felt different. i was planning on going to my voice lessons and visiting a friend afterwards, but when my mom and i went out to leave our car would not start. the battery was completely dead. our second car was supposed to have gone in to the shop last week but my dad forgot, so there was no way we could go. after cancelling with my friend and my voice instructor, i jokingly said to my mom that this must be some act of divine intervention so that i'd be home when i got my acceptance email. it was a joke. it was supposed to be funny.

flash forward to me sitting on my bed, listening to hozier, deep in thought about the trauma inflicted upon my poor little green half orc warlock, when suddenly my phone starts ringing. i never put my ringer on. i see it's a number from my province but don't answer because i hate talking on the phone and have this philosophy that if someone really wants to get a hold of me, they'll probably text or call me again. however i thought to myself "maybe i should answer this one. what's if it's (university)?". i got a text directly after. it was (university).

apparently i not only got accepted, but also got both a marks based and audition based scholarship from the school. i'm really happy about this, however i think the most important issue here is that i seemingly predicted this happening with my previously untapped psychic powers. what should i do.

[sapphyreopal5]

Hmmm had a bit of a weird dream this morning after I fell back asleep, curse you, itchy poison sumac rashes! I saw on my desktop a Tumblr ask to another user but all I could recall was the blogger saying "I wonder what this "Ellie" has to say 😏" and also recall a 117a being in the screename of the person who sent the ask I believe. I woke up not long after I read it in my dream.

Naturally, I googled "numerology 117 meaning" when I first woke up because what in the world?! Well, it turns out one of the results said this:

Also, I got curious as to why 17 is bad luck in Italy. I did briefly see the above info back when I was writing about the number 4 being seen as bad luck in some East Asian countries (but didn't think too much of it back then). This is because the Cantonese word for 4 sounds very similar to the word for Death, which I discussed in a post I made back in November where I specifically talked about Friday the 13th as well (Magazine article was in issue number 13). Strangely enough, my best friend who is on a road trip with her parents traveled on Route 8 at one point, which notably does NOT have an exit 117... but it does have exits 17A, 17B and 17C (in my dream this morning, I saw 117A). I took the below screenshot for your viewing pleasure from this website (which notably the website name is "An American in Rome" and was posted on 4/17/2020. And of course, I am making this post today Thursday 6/13/2024. And of course as I'm writing this and she is in the car watching a Wayne's World, she heard the line from a character named Cassandra saying to Wayne "you learned how to say I look pretty in Cantonese!"

https://anamericaninrome.com/2020/04/why-17-is-unlucky-in-italy/

Now, I am well aware that Jared and Gen Padalecki are on a said family vacation in Italy as we speak. It's also noteworthy to say that today is June 13th and is when I had this dream because I fell back asleep for a couplish hours after waking up close to 3:30am EST. Also strangely enough, I looked up R17 in Italy. Huh, there appears to be NO operating train traveling this route today the 13th per the website I came across.

On another strange note, I saw someone pointed out on another blog how Wildfire ended after 4 seasons reminding them of how Walker is ending after 4 seasons (with the last season having 13 episodes). Coincidentally, Wildfire had 13 episodes each season, equaling 52 episodes for the whole series. Walker will end this season at a total of 69 episodes for the series. Mathematically speaking, 69 Walker episodes - 52 Wildfire episodes = 17; in numerology, this breaks down to 1+7=8. The 11th episode of Walker aired yesterday 6/12/2024. To do the math here again, 6+1+2+2+0+2+4=17, which in numerology breaks down to 1+7=8. The last Walker episode will air on 6/26/2024, which is 6+2+6+2+0+2+4=22; technically in numerology you are supposed to leave it at a master number like 22 but if you were to break 22 down anyways, 2+2=4. Funny also both of these shows start with the letter W as well...

It also is funny both Gen and Jared posted about the upcoming Walker episode yesterday in actual posts instead of just Instagram stories per the usual. Clearly, Gen was on Italy time when she spoke of the episode in past tense posting a little before 12pm EST. She seemingly forgot about her husband the Executive Producer of the show and how the show was already canceled lol.

One reason I've been posting less lately is because I've been sticking my nose in animal symbolism research. I did learn last week and spoke to my best friend about this but I learned Gen's primary spirit animal is the Black Bear and secondary being the Otter. On an even stranger note, yesterday on my way home from work I saw a Pilot car with a Friends of the Smokies license plate (which has a Black Bear on it) AND an Otter window decal on it.

[wowbright]

National Clean Your Home Day 14

- re-rinsed, then dried, a blanket that I put in the laundry yesterday and then forgot to take out

- mended some loose seams on the washed bicycle saddle bag and put it away

- scrubbed scorch/heat stains from a pan

- emptied the dehumidifier. The water doubled as the rinse water for my bathing suit

- ordered disposable masks and non-disposable elbow compression sleeves

- more financial stuff I didn't want to do. So much of it. Ugh.

- canceled Amazon Prime

- dropped stuff off at goodwill. This was supposed to be combined with looking for a new toaster inside of Goodwill and then going to trader joe's, but I forgot my wallet. I drove home but didn't want to double back; but since the engine was warm, I grabbed my wallet and headed to Costco, which is in the opposite direction (i had planned Costco for later this week), and then I realized there was a different Trader Joe's on my way back from costco, so I could still go to Trader Joe's. Did both in an amazing feat of logistical planning for someone who repeatedly forgets to bring their wallet with them on shopping errands. Got all the things on my list plus spaghetti squash, except forgot to look for cranberry walnut bread at Costco, but that's not a necessity so I will live.

- for lunch, experimented with cooking spaghetti squash in the microwave. It worked! Next time I would do 10 or 11 minutes instead of 13, the noodles were a little softer than I like but tasted the same. Ate them with the fake cheese sauce from yesterday, chopped tomatoes, crispy tofu (cut tofu thin and fry it like bacon) and also actual bacon (well prosciutto, which I bought at Costco for spouse but figured I should probably do some quality control on). It tasted good but this afternoon I got a migraine which I think may have been from the prosciutto, which I usually avoid. Oops! Perhaps tomorrow I'll try the same thing with sauteed onions instead of prosciutto and see what happens.

- ordered meds

All that stuff took pretty much the whole day, though I did go swimming this morning and later take a break on the couch so kitty could sit on my lap for a bit.

Tomorrow is a work day so I'll be slowing down. Off to get the blanket out of the dryer.

Podcasts: Oh No Ross and Carrie, Pretend (with Javier Leiva)

[osarina]

CARINAAAA HAPPY BIRTHDAY🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

I WISH YOU THE HAPPIEST, BEST OF THE BEST, MOST WONDERFUL BIRTHDAY EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sooo, somehow I managed to not notice you answering my ask?? Literally how, I have been stalking your blog, idk how I missed it 😔😔

But anywayyy I'm going to yap to you abt my trip to Vienna since you kindly asked, and I have yapped so much to my bestie abt it, she hit me </33 😢😢

Soo, it was a 10 days and 9 night vacation and it started with a 12+ h long car travelling. 12+ h. And i forgot my headphones at home. It was horrible. I will never forget them at home again.

We (aka me, my mom, my dad, my older brother and his gf) stayed at my aunt's. But, the problem was that, that there was only one (1) bedroom. Which my aunt and my uncle used, so they slept there now too. Me and my mom slept on a inflatable mattress, my brother and his gf slept on the couch and my dad slept on a mattres on the balcony 🤣🤣

But as every family vacation, everyone argued with everyone so it was quite funny (for me at least)

We went to 3 different beach, we walked almost the whole city, we visited the Schönbrunn Palace, we went to a big as fuck zoo-like park, the swans chased me, we went to the amusement park where I tried almost everyone. There were dance thingies at night, we went and watched those too and went to 2 concert. So, basically we did everything expect resting. Which was, btw, the whole vacation's main essence.

Anyway, subject change-

I hope you period will or is kind to you too. Oh how I love being a woman 😔

Btw Rinaaaaa

I had a very very very bad dream today ☹☹

I'm currently reading a dark era/15 era dazai x oc fic on wattpad and I dreamt abt ittt

But it was not some lovely-dovely dream, no, i had to have a damn nightmare.

So, I outline what it was:

Me and I think 16? yrs old dazai were dating and in a happy relationship and dazai bought some ultra luxury house which had a whole floor that was a pool. And there were different slides that were life-threatening. And there were many ppl there as well, I think it was a party or something. And the whole day I was in the pool and somehow I got a very very bad feeling. And somehow I found out from Dazai's friends (who were not odasaku, ango or chuuya) that he was CHEATING ON ME. AND WHEN I WENT TO FIND OUT THERE WAS SOME BITCH HUGGING AND TRYING TO KISS HIM. AND WHEN I CALMLY (seriously, i was actually calm. but how, idk) HE JUST IGNORED ME????? LIKE THE FUCK????? But at least he didn't let that slut kiss him. But didn't said no to her or tried to take her hands off him. And then I broke up with him.

And now time skip-

I somehow ended up trying out one of the deadly slides and he sat behind me. It was roller coaster and a slide mix, i can't explain better. And when I thought I'm gonna die (seriously, THAT THING WAS HORRIFYING) I accidently screamed his name and THAT MF IGNORED ME AGAIN. HE WAS RIGHT BEHIND ME. I WAS SHOUTING WITH ALL I HAD. THE AUDACY?!?!?

And then time skip again-

Somehow me, dazai and a bunch of ppl were in an underground tunnel that was made of rocks I think. And we had to climb up idk why. And when I asked everyone to please help me EVERYONE DIDN'T GIVE A FUCK AND OSAMU WHO WAS RIGHT NEXT TO ME STARTED TO CLIMB FASTER IGNORING ME 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

I hate this dream. This was my first dazai dream AND HE FUCKING CHEATS ON ME?!?!?!??!?!

Anyway, so sorry for this enormous ask, I'm a yapper at heart. And sorry for any mistakes again, I was diagnosed yesterday with dyslexia 😔😔😔

Have a fantastic day, much love,

- 🍄

AHHHHHH MUSHROOM NONNIE THANK YOU SO MUCH I ADORE YOU ILY <3333

OMG i am SOOOO jealous - i was supposed to study abroad there over the summer during college but it got cancelled because of covid </33 i was so upset over it. i would simply DIE if i didn't have my headphones for a 12h car ride. AND IM DYING OVER UR DAD SLEEPING ON THE BALCONY LOLLL THAT'S SO FUNNY

KAFHAIUSDFHSDFHSDUH NOT THE SWANS CHASING YOU HAHAHAAHAHAHHHHH I'M SORRY MY FAVORITE THING EVER IS WHEN PEOPLE GET CHASED MY BIRDS HAHAHAHAH IM ACTUALLY CRYING

NAURRRRRR MUSHROOM NONNIE </3333 if the cheating wasn't bad enough the blatant ignoring when you were in dangerous situations would have actually sent me over the edge LOL that's awful i would actually cry.

BUT don't you worry our dazai would never cheat on you. he simply thinks you're the most lovely and treasured person to have ever come into his life, that man would rather DIE than look at anyone but you. that was simply an IMPOSTER dazai.

DON'T APOLOGIZE, I LOVE IT HAHAHAHAH i will always be the listener to people's yapper, i love listening to people yap

[fizzingwizard]

Well in the end I made it back

I tried to talk to JAL staff at the airport in the US, and they said someone would be waiting for those of us whose connecting flights were canceled when we arrived in Tokyo. I was nervous, but it couldn't be helped, because they said there was no way to know what the status of other flights would be until we arrived. I wish they could have just put me on a flight that had an opening at that time, but I guess it was possible more domestic flights would be canceled... Or that there were no empty seats at that time at all. Not sure why that would be unless they were consolidating flights to cancel as many as they could, but then I should have been included...

But it worked out, I got to Tokyo and there was someone holding a sign when I got off. There were only two names on the sign so I wonder if my flight was canceled just because it was less inconvenient than canceling other flights. I'm sure there were other people with connections on the flight coming in from other airports, but probably just not that many. They told me I couldn't get a new flight until the next day, and I really just wanted to go home at that point. If I had to stay at a hotel it would have been ok (having to stay at the airport overnight would suck, but Haneda is right in Tokyo and easily accessible by train and bus so I don't think I'd have had any trouble getting to a hotel). But it would have meant another day of traveling. I rather just get it over with.

Fortunately, when I said I really wanted to go home tonight, they had a slip to request a refund for a bullet train ticket. So, I had to go to Shinagawa, and get the bullet train from there. And then I took my local train to my town and a taxi to my apartment. Actually, the last part was easier via bullet train because I'd done the hard part in Shinagawa. If I came home via airplane I had to go through two train stations I'm less familiar with and then search for a cab. But I dealt with the local trains getting to the bullet train and my local one is only a 10 minute ride. Then the taxis are right outside. So riding the bullet train took longer than the airplane would have and was more inconvenient, but was a little more convenient once I actually got off the last train. As long as I can get everything refunded it's fine. I forgot to get receipts for the local trains though -.-' because I'm dumb. But I did get the bullet train receipt which is a lot more important.

So I got home at almost 11 pm Japan time after getting up at 7 am EST, so it was about 26 hours... But everything went relatively smoothly. I was worried the airport would have no idea what to do with me, or that if I took the bullet train it'd be a bitch to get to (I'd never done it from Haneda before but it takes a while from Narita), or that the planes and trains would just all be full with other stranded passengers, or that I'd get a way back part way but arrive too late to make it all the way home without paying hundreds of dollars for taxis. In the end, it took some extra time but I should be getting a refund, and I didn't run into any trouble. I even got dinner on the way. And my apartment is intact, nothing fell in the earthquake. A little issues with my AC which I'm not sure what's going on there but it's working now. And someone should come get my gas restarted in the next few hours. They were supposed to come yesterday but obviously I didn't get home in time to meet them. No problem, easy fix.

It's one of the things I do love about living in Japan. It's small and there's a lot of public transportation, so you can get around different way and you're probably not going to be stranded. There are a lot of ways to access your money or buy what you need or pay your bills. People are hospitable and polite. If this had happened in reverse, I would have been stuck at my connecting airport in the US with no way to get home. I'd have had to wait for the next day flight and would feel less sure of being able to stay at a hotel for the night and even less sure of how I'd get back to the airport the next day. Sometimes it's not a lot of hassle because hotels nearby have airport shuttles and stuff. But those hotels fill up fast and not all airports have them. America is big but not built for convenience. Or sense. My mom's partner is in finance and he told me point blank, the reason American taxes are such a bitch is because companies lobby for them to be difficult. People making mistakes on their taxes is free money. I told him I just use an app in Japan and it takes ten minutes. He said stuff like that is coming to the US (I hear you already can do your taxes online now) and theatening his job, so I'm interested to see if it will possibly turn filing taxes into a less confusing, time-consuming art.

Also while I was home he found out a new client of his had come to him because she was an immigrant with iffy English skills but felt uncomfortable with what her previous advisor had been telling her. And he realized she had been totally taken advantage of by this guy - he was making stuff up and skimming money off her while not actually paying for what she needed. He was going to report this guy, but then someone else he'd screwed over already had! Was nuts. It really sucks to be an immigrant especially if you don't speak the majority language. I feel like that here in Japan even to a lesser degree. Always nervous I'm going to miss an important detail. In this woman's case, she did everything she was supposed to, she just met a real asshole. And she lost a few thousand dollars which she may never recover. And it's not like she can afford that. Which doubly sucks. We feel like "Justice is served" if we can at least catch the criminal. But the victim is still harmed. Sometimes they can recover some of what they lost. But a lot of the time it's lost for good.

[restforthe-burdenedsoul]

It’s been quite the week. Just In here to process real quick.

M got fired yesterday for the most bullshit reason. I can’t go into detail here because of possible legal stuff but my heart is broken for him. He was so happy when he was hired by this company and I was so fucking proud of him. He had moved up in rank/title In his field and his boss trusted him. He did really well building rapport with his employees and completing his tasks. For the first month it was great! Then in October things were a little rough, but he was still loving the job so it wasn’t even a big deal. By November, red flags were popping up all over the place and we didn’t understand why (still don’t!)

He gave so much to this job, sacrificed so much, worked so much OT and crazy hours with no sleep between shifts and answered calls all hours of the day, but he loved what he was doing.

It’s when he started setting boundaries in November that things changed. When they started taking advantage and putting off any pay raise discussions despite expanding his territory and taking over another role. He was doing the work of two people and patiently waiting for the Big Boss to come into town to discuss the raise.

Instead, he got written up at that mid-November meeting for a bullshit reason, given zero guidance on how to improve moving forward, and not given a chance to discuss pay. It rapidly went down hill after this.

Some other incidents happened beyond his control and he asked point blank what was going on. The shift in the relationship with his boss and HR was palpable and no one was telling him anything. Three days later, he was being threatened police intervention for something they never communicated and fired.

Somehow, they liked him enough to hire him, trusted him enough to expand his territory, and turned around and treated him like a fucking criminal.

When I tell you that yesterday was stressful, I have never been so worried. Was it an empty threat? Maybe? Probably? But not out of the realm of possibility for what ended up being a shady AF company. But something like this could have completely wrecked his ability to continue working in this field.

I’m just so shocked and disappointed with how all this went down. Days before his birthday, weeks before Christmas.

We are grateful to be living with friends at the moment, but my job isn’t enough to pay the bills. His job was and then a little extra. It gave me the opportunity to do What I’m doing now and I may have to close that door depending on what happens next.

I am booked into January and am hoping I won’t need to cancel my pet sits and walks.

I need to sit down tmrw and figure out where we stand financially. Because the social work field isn’t paying the bills either. It’s contract work and in some cases, it would have costed me MORE to work than to not work.

In this moment, im Feeling so defeated. We were both thriving and M got the rug ripped out from under his feet and I accidentally fell back into a passion I forgot I had with the hopes of becoming my own business instead of an app contract worker. I’m a superstitious person, so I’ll just say i had no doubts of being able to move into the next phase in 2024. But the reality is that right now, it doesn’t bring in enough income.

I’m at the point where I am specializing in high energy and anxious breeds where I wouldn’t be able to be gone a full work day and also be the pet sitter. And I’m not a stubborn mule who’s going to fall behind on bills to hang onto a dream.

It worked when M was being paid. This was supposed to be a long term job that he loved.

We saw it coming and were starting to prepare, but we didn’t think it would happen this fast. Not in a 3 day time span.

My body is tired. My brain is tired. I’m hustling hard and don’t have the time to pause and truly figure it out. I have 3 days off this month. Thankfully next week I just have a constant care day sit with a fairly easy anxious German Shepard and I think I should get some time to make a game plan.

I’m coming from a vey draining sit with a high energy husky (literally ended the sit and walked into the chaos of M being fired.) Today was back to back meet and greets between the legal stuff we’re figuring out. Tomorrow-Sunday I’m with four dogs, one of which is a puppy and then Monday I’m doing dog walks.

I love the pet hustle, don’t get me wrong and I’m so thankful I don’t have a gap in my own income, But I wish I had some time between these sits to just stop moving for a brief moment without giving up time I need to be sleeping.

However, we can’t see the future and never expected this to happen the way it did in the timing it did. Everything felt so solid and reliable.

Trying to rest in the reassurance that none of this is surprising to God and that there have been other things going on in the background that feel intentionally placed when we zoom out.

Anyway, I should get some sleep because I have an early morning with four adorable pups who love to cuddle and I will be soaking up all that love (between puppy training and potty breaks 😅) while I try to figure out where we go from here.

[obstinatecondolement]

Well, I forgot that my singing lesson was earlier in the day and stood my singing teacher up as well after already standing my friend up, because I accidentally double booked a cancellation I took at the doctor's office (I was supposed to go in on Friday and rescheduled to Monday, then they rescheduled yesterday and I forgot I was supposed to move my singer lesson to the afternoon this week).

At least the doctor laughed at my joke about not minding having dual scopes done at the same time so long as the rinsed it off in between. :(

[we-fucked-up-evolution]

no need to read this folks just need to get it off my chest or i'm gonna explode into a maelstrom of tears and rage

so my best friend who is also my next door neighbour has a history of not being reliable when it comes to helping out, hanging out and being on time. he has cancelled hangouts on me or been weeks late on things he was supposed to do several times over the course of our 7 year friendship

this monday, or maybe even last weekend, we planned to have a quiet night in, just the two of us. i said i'd order takeout cause he's broke af (the why of that is another frustrating story) and we'd rewatch ofmd before season 2 comes out in two weeks. i've been looking forward to this for days, especially since i was diagnosed with hip tendinophaty yesterday after a week of pain and worry and i just needed this night for the betterment of my mental health.

at around 7.30pm with no news from him yet, i was getting hungry and texted him to ask if he was home

and lo and behold, for once he is home and isn't doing sth with other people or sleeping or whatever

but he has started Cleaning His Apartment (for once!) not long before and "isn't really in the mood to do anything else"

idk if he forgot or just doesn't care and i get it probably doesn't mean as much to him as it does to me but honestly fuck him rn

he's my best friend and i feel highly disposable and it's probably just the rejection sensitivity speaking but man i'm hurt

i'm sad and disappointed and mostly angry, at him and at myself for still allowing myself to be hurt by yet another typical letdown on his part

[danilovesivars]

Nothing Makes Sense

If you’ve been following our journey on Facebook or GoFund Me that’s probably what directed you here. People have asked me to keep writing but it didn’t seem appropriate to keep using the updates page on GoFund Me and Facebook just didn’t seem like the right platform forever so I have looped back to an old blog page. This blog had lots of purposes. It first was used to document the journey of Ivars and I through our engagement.  Then it was used to document the first year of Riley’s life. All happy things. Now it’s being used for grief. I hid the old posts and I'm using this now to share my thoughts when I’m in pain. Things make no sense. Life makes no sense anymore. I have all this free time and I don't like it. It isn't supposed to be free time. This is supposed to be my time with you. I'm not even crying anymore. I just feel exhausted and so very confused. I can't understand how it's been 3 weeks since I took you into the hospital. I can’t understand why you never came home. I think I’m back in that denial phase. I forgot I had an appointment today about my sleep. I told the person that none of the sleep stuff seemed relevant anymore and why so we cancelled our appointment. She sent off a note to our doctor. The doctor called back. The hospital hadn't sent any information so she had no idea you spent two weeks there and that you were gone. The next thing I knew I was giving a short recap of what happened but my head was vividly remembering it all. What ifs began taking hold. I remember getting there and trying to find parking and noticing in my mirror you looked like you were losing consciousness and terror hitting me. There's a few dings on the car that we noticed since being there and it may have been from me trying to squeeze in a tight spot by a pole in the garage. I didn't think I hit anything but who knows. I would have done everything to save you. I remember you not freaking out when we got on the elevator. You hate elevators. I remember telling the triage nurse that. I remember him asking if the colour of your skin looked normal and I said no he looks green. I remember him calmly checking your vitals then telling me he wanted to go to another room with a more accurate machine. As we walked into that room I noticed the door said resuscitation room. He hooked you up to another machine and before I knew it the room was full of people. Some were residents. They were asking questions and giving you Ventolin and trying to get you to tolerate the oxygen mask. That was the first time you fought anything that day. I remember seeing Daddy find us... I remember staring at him with fear. I remember that the last time I saw you conscious you were terrified. I tried to reassure you. I tried to let you know we were there and this was going to help you. I don’t imagine you could understand that though not just because of age but also because of the oxygen level at that point. I hate to think you were wondering why we weren’t stopping these strangers. I hope that your last memory of us was not that. I feel like I want to keep writing but I just don’t even know anymore. Everything feels wrong. Riley noticed it too. We tried going to the movies yesterday and indigos and she fell apart in both places. Saying those exact words at Indigos. Nothing is right everything feels wrong. I don’t want to have time to write. Having this time hurts. You and I should be snuggled up having a nap right now. I’m exhausted so I’ll probably have one but it won’t be a good one. It hasn’t been since you’ve been gone. Today just feels like a day of repeatedly saying “this makes no sense.” Littered with curse words though. Saying “I don’t get it”. Saying “It’s not real” Just what the fuck.

[rooklinensinker]

I'm on Concerta 27 mg and just got off my monthly appointment with the psychiatrist

Kinda embarrassing to talk about but I'll do it because you can't tell my mom 🤪

So she called me at 9:30 and of course I was asleep on top of my phone so thankfully I was able to answer. I completely forgot when the appointment was but I felt the dread that it should've happened by now so I'm glad there's no guessing anymore! Anyways, I update her on my new symptoms.

I've been MORE forgetful. To the point I even forgot where I placed a knife while cooking and freaked out because I didn't know where it was and didn't want to risk hurting myself by accidentally sitting on it or something when it was just at the corner of the table in the other room (don't ask how it got there, I don't know either). And it's happened with a lot of small things too.

I've been tired and only showered yesterday because I had been putting it off for the last week because before showering I should clean my room. And to clean my room was a tough ask. And I LIKE CLEANING. It's therapeutic and I love the smell of cleaning products but I just wasn't doing anything. I was in bed on my phone and even if I threw it away (again, very carefully. I think I mentioned that before) I would stay in bed for the same time as I would have spent on the app, just biting my nails. For 4 hours 😀✨

I had a hard time cancelling my hello fresh subscription because when I had it, I'd get too stressed to cook which means every perishable would go off but I still have a lot of their frozen stuff just packing my freezer because I haven't cooked in a while before this week. And this week was just the culmination of previous weeks I dreaded over tasks. I finally cancelled my subscription after they charged me for this week so 👍

I haven't worked. I have a deadline due on Friday and I am allowed extensions but I didn't even send the extension form yet. The most I've done this month is take care of myself which everyone is supposed to do while balancing work. EVERYDAY. I for some reason can't do both or sometimes either.

Odd one but I've been breathing manually more often. Not like faintness of breath where you don't feel like you're taking in enough oxygen. More like, sudden awareness that my breathing is wrong for some reason and I gotta fix it. And I count it so it's one second to even out my breaths but it still feels wrong so I'll stay upset for like 5 minutes out of nowhere until I forget I'm breathing again.

I remember she asked me about the future, but it's not like it's used to be. It's not like I don't think about it or that it isn't even a concept in my head anymore because I can die at any moment. I have plans for the future. Very important ones. It's the present that isn't lining up for me to get there. And starting the meds I was at the peak of my mental health. No suicidality, hope for the future, confidence in the present. And that still stands although I still get tired and overwhelmed.

And I don't really know what to do? She said I wasn't very proactive because meds aren't supposed to be the only solution, there's lifestyle changes and stuff I gotta learn to deal with my symptoms. But I have?

Meds were the last resort for me. If you were to compare me from a year ago to now, I have multiple places where I can track my routines, how much I eat, etc. It's just that I can't help sometimes my energy is low or time runs faster when I'm doing one thing. Like how cooking took me hours and I only went to bed at 5am because I had to shower because I hated the smell of fried stuff on me.

I really don't know how to feel. The first meds we tried were good at giving me energy and calmed down my head enough for me to be alert in the moment without dissociating. I could do my laundry and all these things that took weeks in one morning. But all I couldn't do was work because I'd get bored and frustrated that it wasn't happening and my fingers weren't doing the clackity clack on the keyboard and the letters were dancing. That's why I changed to Concerta which to be honest, doesn't feel any different than being unmedicated (Spoiler alert, I forgot if I took my meds some days this week. I didn't notice differences.) and the benefit I guess is that it gives me a reason to get up and eat in the morning🙂 which I can put off because I have no energy so I never take them at the same time because whenever I wake up constantly varies.

So I'm not as consistent as I used to be in the beginning, either because the excitement of "changing my life" wore out into "do I have to do all this shit every day? For 24 hours for the rest of my life? Bruh" or because I just got tired of trying and although I don't feel depressed, I just feel tired of even thinking about things anymore. And it doesn't help that I'm behind on university work and every plan in my future depends on the now and right now all I'm doing is just... Nothing much?

She advised me to get in touch with my counsellors (which I haven't seen in months) and resources she sent because she thinks they could help. I'll let you know how they work out. Other than that we decided to increase the dose because she wanted to see how it would work and I thought there's no downsides because if treatment is already taking this long might as well speed it up already.

Anyways I guess I'll have you be updated in case I don't die. And in case I do die... Skill issue I guess 👍

[anderswasrightt]

here's a list of things that have greatly improved how i feel physically and mentally!

-drinking water first thing in the morning -going to sleep and waking up at the same time each day -getting a solid 8 hours of sleep -eating meals at roughly the same time every day -taking my meds at the same time every day, with food unless you're supposed to take it on an empty stomach -TAKING MY MEDS PERIOD. even if you're late, even if you forgot to yesterday and the day before, TAKE YOUR MEDS -don't cancel that doctor or therapy appointment if you can afford it. you need to stay healthy, physically and mentally, and your doctor(s) and therapist(s) exist to help you do that -not making demeaning jokes about myself even if they're funny as hell (i'll admit, i still do this but i'm working on recognizing when i do and cutting back on the self-deprecation.) -basic hygiene, yes even when you just want to go to sleep or sleep in. wash your face, take a quick shower, comb your hair or whatever basic hair care you need to do -go outside, even if you're just getting the mail or standing on your patio for ten minutes -speak to another human, even if it's just to say hello, even if it's not face-to-face or verbal. talk to someone on the phone or on discord or facebook or whatever you use to communicate with people.

i know for a lot of people, depression, anxiety, work schedules, money, physical disabilities, and other shit get in the way of doing this stuff, but if you're capable of doing it, DO IT.

i've been to the psych ward multiple times in the last three years and since i started taking basic care of myself, i've felt so much better mentally, and it's been over a year since i was last in the psych hospital. like yeah, the physical feeling improves too, but the mental improvement was SO beneficial for me.

please take care of yourself as best as you're able to whenever you're able to.