#I wish I could see Amanda this weekend

[misctf]

Getting Over Him

Amanda wiped a few tears from her eyes as she looked into the mirror at her puffy eyes and ruined makeup. This was supposed to be a fun weekend trip with friends. But she didn’t want to be just friends with Brad. She had come to love everything about him: his kind personality, his respectfulness, and physically- he was exactly her type. But while Amanda developed feelings for the blond college jock, he never seemed to view her as anything more than a friend. But she always hoped that maybe one day he would.

“I just wish I could get over him.” She mumbled, drifting off into an uncomfortable sleep, barely registering the odd symbols glowing on the wall.  

Meanwhile, Brad sat at the edge of his bed, feeling like shit. He replayed the events of that night in his head- Amanda bringing up her feelings and him awkwardly turning her down. Brad massaged his temples. He knew she had feelings for him, and honestly he had feelings for her. But he was hesitant, worried about their friendship.

“I’ll talk to her tomorrow.” He mumbled, stripping off his shirt, pants, and boxers. He sighed as he looked at himself in the mirror, “Could use a good workout.” As he turned towards his bed, he noticed the glowing symbols on the wall around him, “What the fuck...”

He saw them when they first arrived, but didn’t think much of it given it was an older home. Now that they were glowing, his curiosity peaked. As he reached out to touch one, several glowing orbs emerged from the symbol, dancing around the room. Brad yelped in surprise, turning to leave, but suddenly finding he couldn’t move.

“What the hell? Help!” But his words were only a hoarse whisper.

“Is this him?” Brad felt a cold sweat wash over him as he heard the voice.

“Yeah that’s the one!” Another voice cooed.

“I can totally see why she’s into him.” Another voice giggled.

Brad was terrified. Sure the house was old, but haunted? There was no way. He moved his eyes around frantically, eventually landing on his own frozen form in the mirror across from him.

“Hmm but that seems to be the problem!” One of the orbs approached him, “She’s totally into blonds.” Brad watched in shock as the orbs moved through his hair, each blond follicle changing and becoming darker until settling on a dark black. Simultaneously, he involuntarily raised his arms, where a few more of the orbs tickled his pits, the hair there changing too.

“H-how?” Brad strained to ask the simple question.

“Hmm but that won’t be enough!” one of the orbs said, “She loves a clean shaven man.”

Brad recoiled as the orbs began to move across his body. Each area they touched, became increasingly itchy. He grunted in frustration as the itchiness became unbearable. However, the feeling peaked and calmed as hair follicles began to push out from his previously well-shaven body. Tiny black hairs emerged from his chest, shoulders, crotch, arms, and legs. The jock’s face was no exception as the dark hairs emerged, giving him a small beard. His body turned, so that he could see how hairy his ass and back had become. But to his horror, the hair began to thicken, covering him in a thick pelt.

“Almost missed a spot!” Brad raised his arms and the orbs worked on growing out and thickening his pit hair.

Brad felt his frustration building, “Why are you doing this?” He forced out. Brad was happy with his appearance- blond, clean-shaved, muscular- and he knew that women liked it too. He couldn’t be seen like this! And he couldn’t even imagine how long it would take to shave.

“He doesn’t seem to be enjoying it!” A voice whined. 

“Don’t worry, we can change that!”

Brad watched as a few of the dancing lights moved towards his cock. He tried to move out of the way, but his resistance faded as they began to massage him, the pleasure causing him to moan. He had never felt anything like it- the sensation as they bobbed up and down on his cock, which had quickly hardened at the sensation. He could barely focus as they continued to dance around him, the jock’s mind consumed with pleasure.

“See! He looks so happy!” The one celebrated as Brad let out another silent moan, his eyes rolling into the back of his head. His arms moved freely, as he rubbed his hairy chest and massaged his nipples, “See he’s sooooo into it!”

“Let’s focus now! Poor Amanda. Always attracted to guys with big muscles.”

As Brad rubbed his hairy chest, he felt his firm pecs start to soften. As he pushed on them, it felt like they were deflating- losing the definition he had worked so hard to get. The jock forced himself to open his eyes, doing his best to resist the pleasure. He wished he hadn’t. Brad watched as his muscular frame began to shift. His pecs had already deflated, and his abdominal muscles followed, quickly losing definition. His arms were not spared as his biceps and triceps atrophied before his eyes. The jock grunted as he felt his shoulders press in on themselves as his back muscles decayed, leaving him more narrow and lanky.

“Wa-wait, please... stop...” He said between pants. He let out another grunt though as a thin layer of fat began to cover his lanky body, a small paunch protruding from where his abs had been.

“Aww don’t cry Brad.” A voice cooed, “Just focus on the pleasure.” Brad moaned and threw his head back as the pleasure in his dick intensified.

“But while he’s definitely not her type now, there’s always still a chance.” A voice whispered, disapprovingly.

Brad felt a shift in his mind as his sexuality flip- a sudden need for cock down his throat or up his ass invading his thoughts. And as these thoughts became cemented, he felt an inward pulling from his dick. He watched as his manhood shrunk- as it did the pleasure there moved to his ass. He moaned as he grabbed his ass and explored his hole with his fingers.  

“Th-this isn’t right!” He huffed, wincing at the higher pitch of his voice. He had never played with his ass like this, yet now he couldn’t help it, the pleasure there dwarfing anything he had experienced from his dick, “Y-you can’t leave me like this!”

“Don’t worry Brady.” A voice whispered in his ear.

Brad was about to respond when he felt an intense pressure in his head. It felt like something was trying to push him out of his own mind.

“Amanda likes him for his kindness and respectfulness.” A voice giggled, “I doubt she’ll care for slutty and judgy!”

The jock became aware of a new set of memories- his time sucking off the football team, the men who bent him over, and the nights he would spend clubbing and partying. He had become a total size queen too, only caring to suck or get fucked by hung men. And as these new interests blossomed, he could sense this new personality pushing him out.

“No stop!” He moaned, “This isn’t real!” He was holding on desperately to his old memories, to who he was.

“We’re doing this for Amanda.” Brad’s eyes widened in confusion, “Just give in to the pleasure.”

Brad moaned, trying to resist. Part of him knew if he gave into the pleasure, it would be over for him. But just as he got closer to climaxing there was a knock on the door. The orbs vanished and the symbols stopped glowing. Brad fell to the ground, huffing, his small cock still rock hard and his ass throbbing with pleasure.

“Fuck.” He whispered, moving his once restrained limbs, “Need to find Amanda.” His thoughts were a mess- his old personality still present, while the new one continued to try and dominate.

The former jock threw on a pair of underwear and opened the door, desperate to find help. However, standing at the door was one of his teammates.

“Shit!” Brad said, again wincing at his voice. Nick looked at him, seemingly confused, “You’ll never believe me man but...” Brad stopped midsentence, his eyes traveling down Nick’s muscular and bare torso. His eyes landed on Nick’s compression shorts, where an evident bulge was growing. He bit his lip- what would it be like to have that python down his throat?   

“Oh uh hey man.” Nick replied, the confusion leaving his face, “You’re Amanda’s friend, right? Brady?” Brad felt his heart sink- did Nick not remember him? The concern dissipated though as Brad refocused on the growing bulge in Nick’s pants, “Uh so...” Brad continued to stare at Nick's bulge, “Uh yeah I was wondering if...”

Brad wanted to resist, to push Nick away and find Amanda, but as he stared at the growing snake in Nick’s shorts, he gave in, “I can help you with that.” Nick grinned and without hesitation, pushed Brad back into the room.

The next morning, Amanda woke up and slowly got out of bed. As she entered the hallway, she watched the door to Brad’s room open. She grew confused when a sweaty Nick walk out, a stupid grin on his face.

“What the fuck?” Amanda whispered.

“Oh hey Amanda!” Nick said, blushing, “Uh yeah, sorry.” He rubbed the back of his head, “Uh thanks for bringing Brady.”

Amanda was about to ask what the fuck he was talking about, but Nick quickly darted to his room. She narrowed her eyes and walked over to Brad’s room, intent on finding out what that was all about.

“Hey Brad, what...” Her eyes landed on a man swiping on his phone in Brad’s bed, someone who she didn’t even recognize. But before she could say anything, something clicked in her head. That was Brady, her gay best friend. He had insisted he come along when he saw the guys who would be going. Amanda sighed, this was so typical of him, “So, had fun last night?”

Brady looked up from Grindr and giggled, “Hun, you have no idea.” 

[thrillered]

"You Know I Mountain Dew It For Ya" | Spencer Agnew x Reader | Pt. 6

Pt. 6: the pod

-

-

-

-

-

You sat at the smosh mouth desk, sipping on a mountain dew kickstart that you stole from Spencer. You figured if you were going to talk about your song you should have mt dew, as fanservice. The crew was finalizing camera settings and waiting for Amanda and Shayne. 

“This kinda sucks” You said, taking another sip of your drink. 

“Ouuu, i’m gonna tell spencer.” Kiana teased. Earning an eye roll from you.

After a few minutes everyone was ready to record. “Hello everyone and welcome back to Smosh Mouth, I’m Shayne.” 

“And I’m Amanda. And today we have a very very special guest, all the way from big hollywood and the desk around the corner from mine, Y/N” 

“Big Hollywood wow” You laughed. 

“You have skyrocketed in fame.” Shayne comments. 

You sighed deeply, “Yeah…” 

“Uh Oh, that doesn’t sound good.” Amanda responds. 

“No no It’s really awesome it’s just been different, I guess.” You began, “I’ve been in the public eye for quite a while now but, obviously, never like this.”

“Let’s rewind a little,” Shayne interjected, “you guys know Y/N, she’s been with Smosh for years now. At this point, dare I say, one of the most loved cast members.”

“Oh stop it.” You giggled.

“Well it’s true, everyone loves you. Especially me.” Amanda jokes.

“I can see the fan edits already. Wait, we need to stare at each other longingly.” You piled on. 

“Anyway,” Shayne laughed, “What a lot of people don’t know, well not anymore, is that you are a musician as well.” 

“Yes, I’ve been writing music my entire life but I started producing my music about a year before I joined Smosh. I got much more serious about it thanks to Josh, shoutout josh.” You explained. “I have a stockpile of songs, I’ve only released a few though.” 

“You have two albums out right?” Amanda asked.

“Yeah I have two albums, three EPs, and three singles, the newest being everyone's favorite Espresso.”

You continued bantering, answering questions and talking about your career. You enjoyed how much both Shayne and Amanda cared about what you had to say, being able to deepdive into some of your music was a lot of fun. You even learned that Shayne listened to your entire discography over the weekend. 

“Let’s get into the juicy stuff” Amanda began, “We sent out a community post where people could ask Y/N questions so let’s get into some of those.” 

“First up is from Gianna L: What was the inspiration behind Espresso?” 

“I really just wanted to make something fun and bright. A lot of my music comes from a very vulnerable place but I’ve just been so happy that this song stems from that. I’ve felt like myself and truly I have smosh to thank for that.” You rambled, “Okay to wrap it up, Espresso was inspired by being confident and loving yourself because it makes you irresistible.”

“I actually love that so much,” Amanda smiles. 

“Yeah that type of thinking is important,” Shayne adds, “I would know, I have a psychology degree.” 

You answered some more questions regarding your creative process and your lyrics. You got to talk about how you make coffee for the whole office almost everyday in regards to the lyric: “That morning coffee brewed it for ya”. Then the inevitable happened.

“The most asked questions are about Spencer.” Shayne began, “For those of you who don’t know, Spencer is the director of the games channel and is often in videos as well.” 

“But most importantly,” You cut Shayne off, “he’s my best friend.” You finished, earning a few ‘awww’s from the room. “Believe me, I have seen the conspiracy theories and comments about “Spenspresso”-- great name by the way. And yes, some of the lyrics were inspired by my dear friend. I wouldn’t be the person I am today without him and since this song is about finding confidence I had to give a nod to my best buddy, one of the people who have always supported me and made me into the best version of myself.” 

You laughed, “I wish I could give a more juicy answer but it’s just a little thank you to my best friend. That doesn’t mean I want the edits to stop, I do love those, and the fan art. Me and Spencer send them to each other constantly.” 

You wrapped up the podcast, hoping confessing your platonic love for Spencer was enough to keep the heat off of you for a while. That is until you stare at Spencer for too long in the next games video and people clip it. 

—

“How was the pod?” Spencer asked, setting his lunch down and sitting in the chair next to you.

“It went well, It was actually so much fun to talk about myself for so long,” You jested. “You’re gonna get an ego boost out of it though.” 

“And why is that?” He asked, quirking an eyebrow and sending you a knowing smirk, the action making the tips of your ears hot. 

“Oh shut up.” You shoved his chair away playfully. He quickly scooted it back to you, even closer than before, your knees bumping each other. 

You both finished your lunches quickly, Spencer opting to head back to his desk to work. You followed him, sitting on a couch near him, scrolling through your phone until you heard a few muffled “fuck fuck fuck”s coming from Spencer. 

You got up and stood behind him looking at his monitor. “What’s wrong?” You asked. 

“Nothing, it’s just an issue with the audio of the last games video, I don’t think it’ll be able to be recovered” He responded, his shoulders tightening as he rubbed a stressed hand over his face. 

You knew Spencer worked really hard on that video, he had been so excited to have the cast play the game and now it seems like it will never see the light of day. 

“I’m sorry Spence,” you said, knowing there wasn’t much you could do to help. Noticing how tense he was you placed your hands on his shoulders and began massaging them, working at the many knots. 

He let out a low groan as you pushed into a particularly nasty spot on his shoulder. As you worked your fingers through his neck and shoulders his groans turned into sighs of relief. 

“That feel any better?” You asked, hoping you could assist your friend. 

He rolled his neck a few times, “Holy fuck, that’s actually so much better. How did you do that?” 

“I took a single massage class in college for a random credit I needed.” you replied, running your fingers through his hair as he tilted his head back to look at you. 

“You’ve gotta do that more often, I feel like I got my damn neck replaced.” He laughed. 

“You just let me know, I learned back, hands, and legs too so..” You trailed off, winking at him, relishing in the pink hue that graced his features. “Lunch is almost over, I gotta go, I’m filming ‘you posted that?’. I’ll see you later, love ya Spency”  You smiled, grabbing his hand and leaving a feather light kiss on his knuckles before walking away. 

“You are so whipped dude.” 

Spencer spun around to the source of the sound, seeing Alex Tran standing on the other side of the desks. 

“God, is it really that obvious?” Spencer questioned. 

“I wish you could’ve seen the googly eyes you were just sending Y/N,” Alex laughed, “Like, the whole office can feel the tension.” 

“It’s not tension if it’s one sided.” Spencer rebutted. 

“One sided my ass, she’s totally into you, has been forever, if I had to guess.”

Spencer thought about Alex’s words. Could you really feel the same way as him? He’s a smart guy, he knows that, so could he really have been so stupid this whole time to think you were just friends? 

[bensonsbobblehead]

Stand Still 

Pairings: Olivia Benson x Daughter!OC

Olivia Bensons daughter dealing with post op alone or so she thinks. 

 Content warnings: ANGST! Abortions , sex, sexual assault, lots of sadness, basically things that would be talked about in an episode. 

wc; 1.2k

[masterlist]

“Ryann Benson?” The nurse called softly from the door. The door Ryann had been staring at for the past two days in a row. This was it, she was doing it, alone.

The young women stood up walking quickly to the door as she turned her phone off. With her head hung low hoping no one in the office would remember her face. 

It’s freezing she thought as the nurse led her to a room and ordered her to take off her clothes. The nurse gave her and gown and left the room. After what felt like forever she returned with a million questions. 

Are you sure this is what you want? Is there anyone you need me to call? We can stop at anytime. Do you have someone to take you home? 

Ryann was on autopilot, she hated she was in this situation. It wasn’t entirely her fault Justin couldn’t take no for an answer so she just gave in. Which she knew her mother wouldn’t be proud of.

Maybe if I would’ve fought harder, he didn’t technically force me, I just gave up on saying no. 

Tears grew in her eyes as she thought about what happened. How he denied it was even his and blocked her number, leaving her completely helpless. She had to be strong, she had no choice. 

Before she knew it was time, Doctors and nurse flooding in with gear and equipment. 

“Just breathe for me” the doctors said as he begun. Ryann cried and breathed and cried again, the pain of it all was unbearable. 

“Is there anything you need sweetie?” The nurse asked holding her hand. 

My mom 

“No” Ryann whispered back wishing time would fly pass so this can all be over. She felt violated all over again. Exposed for everyone to see it was humiliating, all she wanted was her mom. To be there with her through all of this, but she couldn’t.

Olivia always knew how to soothe Ryann whenever she needed to. She’s her baby girl and quite frankly she’ll do anything to see her smile. 

When the procedure was over they gave her a change of clothes, medicine, and sent her on her way. 

She felt like she was hit by a bus but she had to hurry home. Ryann called an Uber and paid her extra to help her up the stairs, it was the least she could do. 

When she got into the apartment it was completely silent. No Olivia, no Noah, just Ryann and her thoughts. She walked to her room and laid down immediately. Stuffing the Planned Parenthood bag almost all the way under her bed. The girl dozed off finally getting some rest. 

—-

“Ry please answer the phone sweetie, I love you”

Olivia left her 4th message to her daughter. Ryann was Olivia’s oldest, she was a responsible girl but sometimes Olivia worried about her. Of course, she was a woman living in this world, how could she not worry. 

Ryann had told her she’s been with her friend since the weekend and she didn’t need to worry. But Olivia felt it in her soul something was up. So, she called Ava, Ryann only friend honestly.

“Hi Ava, I was wondering if Ry was still with you? She hadn’t been returning my calls”

“Hey, and no she actually went home early on Saturday you haven’t seen her?”

My daughters missing

“Thank you Ava” Olivia hung up and quickly called Amanda to her office. 

“Ry is missing, I need .. I need someone to trace her phone and her bank cards and I have to go get Noah” 

“Olivia, relax we are going to find her” Amanda reassured the woman heading toward the team and briefing them. 

Olivia sat in her office wondering how she let her guard down when it came to them she was always on top of it. She wanted Ryann to have more space even if that meant not talking to her everyday. She wondered how she not notice that she was missing.

“Captain” Amanda said from the office door causing Olivia to look up, “You’re going to want to see this” Amanda sat the laptop on her desk showing her daughters latest purchases. The top one being the very pricy one with the words Planned Parenthood next to it. 

“I need to find my daughter now” Olivia stood up grabbing her belongings heading towards the elevator.

The first thing Olivia thought was why would her own daughter want her there for this. It did not matter that her daughter was pregnant but it was about her protection. Making sure there through whatever Ryann had to face. 

When she arrived at the apartment she noticed her daughters shoes and headed toward her door. Knocking softly and getting no response she peaked in. 

Seeing her daughter buried under the blankets holding Little, the stuffed cat her uncle Elliot gave her when she was 9. Olivia walked in trying not to wake her, looking around the room for anything to help her understand what happened. As she moved closer to the bed that when she seen the planned parenthood bag. Filled with papers, pads, aftercare, and an outfit. 

“What happened sweet girl” she whrispered trying not to wake the girl but failing. Ryann turned over to see her mother standing there with the bag in her hand. Tears grew in her eyes fast, “Mama I —“ she said quickly sitting up. Before she could finish Olivia was already taking off her shoes and climbing into bed with her. 

“What’s going on Ry, talk to me” As she held her trying to give her the upmost comfort. Olivia took a look at her daughters face and she looked exhausted, Olivia hated this. 

“Justin and I were making out and it started getting intense and I didn’t want to have sex yet — but he begged even after I said no a thousand times. 

 I gave up and just let him. I didn’t want to do it and now I’m here” she was hysterical, “Please forgive me mama, I shouldn’t have even been doing anything. It’s all my fault.”

Olivia had felt like she was punched in the chest. Her daughter was a … victim. 

“I’m here for you now Ryann, I’m never going anywhere.” Ryann cried even harder, tears falling all over her mother. It 

It took Olivia 30 minutes to calm Ryann down before she spoke up. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, I didn’t want you to know I was weak or for you to hate me for even thinking about sex.”

Olivia knew Ryann was a strong, creative girl and he could never hate her. Ryann brought a light into Olivia’s life and it’s been shining bright ever since.

“Look at me, I will never hate you and Ryan you are so strong. he’s the weak on. I wish I was there to hold your hand and be by your side through all of this.” 

Ryann cried harder all she wanted was her mom, she was her role model. Disappointing her was the last thing Ryann wanted to do. 

“It was your choice and I have no right to question that and I absolutely don’t hate you. You’re a part of me Ryann Serena.” 

Ryann snuggled into her mom, tears still falling from her eyes. Ryann had wished she called her mom to come with her to get the abortion

[hooked-on-elvis]

🥳 Happy Birthday to beautiful Jan Shepard! 🎂

Born Josephine Angela Sorbello on March 19, 1928, Jan is turning 96 years young today. ♥

Jan Shepard interviewed by Joe Krein (2007)

Joe: Can you tell me a little about yourself, where you were born and raised? Jan: I was born in a little town called Quakertown, Pennsylvania, in Bucks County. It’s about 40 miles north of Philadelphia. I had a wonderful time there growing up, it was a tiny little town and everybody knew everybody. You got to do everything when you were in high school. I was a cheerleader and a drum majorette. I was in drama. I loved growing up there.

(...)

Joe: Did you want to become an actress? Jan: Ever since I was in second grade I was Miss Cleanliness, in a way. I got up on that stage and something happened. I saw all those people and it made me want to do something nice. So I did two class plays. I did junior high and senior class plays as the leading lady. I did summer stock when I got out of high school. I did that for quite a while and that was great fun. Joe: So did you go to Hollywood and say “I want to be a star”? Jan: I went to New York first and I got a terrible cold. I had gotten a reference from Samson Raferson, who did a lot of plays. He lived in our area. He sent me to Sherill Crawford doing Brigadoon. So I went there and I could barely talk. You think to yourself once they see you that you would be in Broadway by the weekend. You just think that they are waiting for you. But she said go back home and do summer stock. Do as much as you can of that. It was one of those things that you are so eager and you had no clue as of how to become an actor. So I went back home and then I had a chance to visit some relatives in California. So I never went back to New York. Joe: So what studio did you sign up with? Jan: I did some things with 20th Century, but mostly I did television like ABC, CBS and then Paramount. So I was working all the time. The kids that were under contract with Paramount, they had a class picture taken, and I wasn’t in it because I was the only one working. Will never forget that. How I wish I was in that picture. Joe: You must see a lot of turn over, kids coming and then going home. Jan: Yeah. You know there is a lot of wonderful talent walking the street, and honestly it’s a matter of luck. Plus it helps with who you know. What helped me was I moved in with Amanda Blake from Gun Smoke. We shared an apartment and Ross Hunter had an apartment in the same building. I was working a regular job then. We would walk together in the morning to work. There was an agent that also lived in the building. I was out sunning myself one day and he came over and started talking. He said, “Do you need an agent?” I said yes. That’s how it all started. Quite by accident. Joe: You worked in television? Jan: About 500 episodes. I did so much television. I did so many pilots and series. One of my first series was with McDonald Carrie, who was Doctor Christian. I was a regular on that show. I did two soap operas. Day in Court and Clear Horizons. I did so many Westerns. Every show that was in the fifties and sixties, seventies. At least five hundred television shows.

(...)

Joe: Were you an Elvis fan? Jan: No (laughing). Joe: Don’t feel bad, a lot of people have said that to me. Jan: It was so funny because I was sitting with Dan Duriah. I was doing a two hour film. We were sitting on the set. I had the reporter in front of me and it said “ELVIS PRESLEY”. “What kind of a name is that?” He said, “I don’t know.” I said there’s some kid in the south called Elvis Presley. I said he’s never going to make it (laughing). That was the first time that I had ever heard of him. So I didn’t know who he was. I happened to like his voice. I liked his voice but I am not the kind of person who is adoring movie stars. There was maybe one or two that I adored or would like to work with, but I was never like those type of people. But once I met him, I just adored him. Joe: When did you find out that you were going to do an Elvis film? Jan: I was doing a play at Paramount, with Dolores Hart, who is my goddaughter. She is now a nun. Joe: Oh, yes, I know who she is. Jan: She used to be under contract with Hal Wallis. Dolores came up to me after work. She said, “Jan, there is a part in this movie I am going to do with Elvis Presley you would be perfect for. The part would be playing his sister.” I said, “Yeah, right, terrific.” I just let it go at that. But the next thing I know she calls me and says Hal Wallis wants to see you. “I’ve talked to him about you.” So I went up there. He said to me, “I would like you to make a test.” So they gave me the script. When I arrived at the studio, there was four other girls that were testing. I figured I would be the only one. I was in shock, I almost walked out. Peter Baldwin, who was playing the Elvis role, who was a friend of mine, he said, “Stay, stay. These other girls are no way better than you.” I was the last one to be tested. After I just went home and prayed that I would get this role. I got it!

Elvis, Jan and Dolores Hart on set during making of King Creole, 1958.

Joe: And this was for...? King Creole! That was Elvis’s favorite movie. Plus it’s the fans favorite movie. It’s also mine. Jan: Yes, it’s mine, too. But I have only seen two movies of his. I only saw them because I was in them. That’s nothing to do with Elvis. It’s just because I was working all the time. I was doing soap operas. Different scripts every day, learning new lines every day. You just don’t have the time to go out and see movies. I had no social life at all. If you do have five minutes on a weekend, you want to sleep.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Joe: Can you tell me how you met Elvis? Jan: When you’re assigned a film role, you have to go to the doctor, because of the insurance company. They have to make sure you don’t have a bad heart, any of that nonsense. They made my appointment for me at the studio, so I was there and I had on a white shirt and these slacks my mother had made for me that were like wine coloured. I went in the office and I was waiting to be called in. In walks Elvis with two of his buddies. I looked at him and he looked at me and we started to laugh. His jacket was the identical material and colour of my slacks. He looked at me and he said, “Honey, I’m either going to have to give you my jacket or you’re going to have to give me your pants” (laughing). That was my first meeting with Elvis. Joe: Goodness. Jan: Girl scout’s honour. Joe: Did you get along with Elvis? Jan: Oh, wonderful. He said if he had a sister, he wished it would be me. We got along so great because we worked alone the two of us the whole first week of the show. I would come to work and I would find on the set a pair of earrings he put there for me that cost about ten cents that he had liberated from the set. I have a marvelous picture where we are waiting to perform and we were just sitting down at the dining room table. I handed him this jewelry and I said I can’t take these from you, Elvis, you know it’s too much. You’re the last of the big spenders. He is there laughing so hard and they snapped this picture of the two of us. It’s a fabulous picture of him. But he would do little things like that. And he would play music on his guitar. He would ask me what I wanted to hear. Elvis loved Danny Boy.

Joe: Did you ever date Elvis? Jan: No, I was married (laughing). Joe: Oh, sorry, I didn’t know that. Jan: No, I was married, honey. But the thing was: Dolores Hart gave me a surprise birthday party. All the kids from Paramount studio were there. It was a big surprise to me. I was there for about ten minutes and in walks Elvis with the boys. He had this huge stuffed tiger under his arm. He knew I loved cats, so he had this stuffed cat and he named it Danny Boy. He gave me this big box. For weeks I had been asking Elvis for pictures that I could give the kids in my neighborhood when they had heard I was doing a picture with him. They all pleaded for photos of him. So I would always ask him for pictures for the kids. “Come on, please, I need pictures.” So he hands me this box and I placed it off to the side. He said, “Oh, no, you need to open that now.” So I opened it and it was a movie camera with a light bar and film. He said, “Now you can take your pictures.” You know if Colonel Parker was there, he would not had allowed that.

Early 1958. Elvis and Jan during surprise birthday party to Jan Shepard.

Joe: Oh, you’re right. Jan: Dolores said the next day she ran into Elvis and she said, “I was so surprised that you came.” He said I had to come, “She’s my sister. I wouldn’t miss her birthday party” (laughing). I ran into him in the studio. He said to me, “I hear Elvis was at your birthday party.” “Yeah, he was”. He said, “You know he never goes anywhere, people go to him, he never goes to other people’s homes.” Joe: That’s very true. Jan: I said I think we bonded a little bit. Joe: Was Elvis a good actor? Jan: Wonderful! Oh, just marvelous! I will never forget. You know every person that sings is a good actor. Because they have the sense of timing, the sense of rhythm, a sense of what words mean. He was a brilliant actor because he didn’t need any advice. He knew automatically what to do and act, as the show was going on. I kept saying to him, “Oh, Elvis, for God sake, you’re doing such a great job.” So one day we went for lunch. We were sitting there at a table and in walks Marlon Brando. Elvis was sitting with his back towards him. There was a table right behind Elvis that was empty, so Brando saw Elvis as soon as he walked in. So Brando got into the chair right behind Elvis. I said to Elvis, “Marlon Brando is sitting behind you.” Elvis said, “Oh, my God” and his head sunk into his sandwich. I said, “Look, he wants to meet you, I saw him looking at you, just say hi to him.” Well, that’s exactly what happened. He got up and bumped his chair. Marlon stood up and the two of them shook hands. They did a little small talking. Elvis was very cool. Elvis then walked out of the café very cool. But the minute we got outside he leaped up. He couldn’t believe he met Marlon Brando. He was so excited, we just danced all the way back to the studio. Then one day after the show had been released, someone sent me the review of King Creole. The title was “Bourbon Street Brando.” I raced over to Paramount and I grabbed Elvis and I said, “Look at this.” I showed him the “Bourbon Street Brando”, he just couldn’t believe it. I said, “See, I told you, you were going to be great in this!” Joe, Elvis was!

Scene of King Creole, 1958. Elvis as Danny Fisher and Jan Shepard as Mimi Fisher, Danny's sister.

Joe: Now you did another movie with Elvis. Jan: Yes, Paradise Hawaiian Style

Note: In Paradise, Hawaiian Style (1966) Jan Shepard played Betty Kohana, wife of Danny Kohana played by actor James Shigeta who's a friend and eventual business partner of Elvis' character Rick Richards.

Joe: Can you tell me about that movie and how you got the part? Jan: I had gone over to Paramount to have lunch with Dolores Hart. She was getting a wardrobe fitting for some picture. I ran into Paul Mason. He said, “Hi”. He asked what was I doing there. He said, “Hey, we need a wife for Jimmie Sakita for a movie Elvis is doing. Would you be interested?” He said, “It’s not a huge part, but it’s a good part.” I said, “Yeah, ok.” He told me to go up and see Hal Wallis. “I will give him a call and tell him you’re coming.” So I went up there. Well, Hal Wallis’s office is full of art. He has originals of Remington’s and Chares Russell, all those wonderful western painters. I walked in and I said, “Oh, my God, you have a Remington!” I knew art because my husband is an artist. Hal Wallis was very impressed, he asked me if I wanted that role? Yeah, fine, that would be wonderful! That’s how I got the part. Joe: Now what did Elvis say when he saw you? Jan: Well, the minute he saw me he asked how was Dolores because now she has been a nun for the past year. And I said she was good, I’ve seen her, I’ve gone there. And Maria Cooper, Gary’s daughter and I were the godmothers for her when she went into the monastery. And I said, “I’ve been there and she’s doing great and she, you know, I said you know if they let me wear eyelash mascara, I’d go in that place and say it’s beautiful. She’s home. This is where she wants to be and he wanted to see if she was okay and how you were doing. You know, and I noticed he was not the Elvis that was the little teddy bear that would run across the stage and pick up and swing you around. He was not that anymore. Joe: He changed? Jan: He was never in his dressing room and you know King Creole. He is always out with a group and having fun and playing the guitar and, you know, just a lot of fun. And he went to his dressing room and it was closed and I noticed he was drinking a lot of water. He had lot of glasses of water and he was drinking. Also, there was an attitude that was so different. He was kind of jaded and at the movies, he and I knew Charlie Afura who did all his choreography. Charlie was showing him something on stage, some dance moves or something, and he was just looking at Charlie, like “Charlie, I’ve done this four or five times already. I know what you want,” because it was the same movie every time. Joe: Right. Jan: He was always doing the same movie and I know he was tired of it.

(...)

Joe: When was the last time you saw Elvis? Jan: I saw him in Las Vegas. We went to a Casers Palace and I was so disappointed because he was into the karate stuff and he was turning his back to the audience all the time. And I just wanted to just go up there and spank him, you know. Joe: Yeah. Jan: Because he was just not him. You know. I think that when his mom died, that was just a terrible blow and that if she had lived Elvis would still be alive today. Joe: Yeah. When you were working in the movies, did you have the chance to have one on one conversations? Jan: Oh, yeah, all the time. Especially on the Creole, but not as much on Paradise Hawaiian Style. Yeah, like on the weekend it had rained all weekend and on Monday morning when Elvis came into the makeup room and I said, “Well, what did you do this weekend?” “I was on the phone with my mom all day, I didn’t go anywhere.” He told me one time they were on the road and they stopped at a diner, this was in the fifties. This big guy came over to him and picked him up by his shirt. He said, “I don’t like you”. Elvis said, “What’s wrong?” “My wife carries your picture around in her wallet.” Elvis said, “Hey, sir, I’m sorry, but that has nothing to do with me. I’m sorry, she should do that.” He let Elvis down and they took off. He had so much of that we had to fake people out when Elvis left the studio. We would send out a limo, the fans figured Elvis was in it. But Elvis was getting shoved into a taxi in the back of the studio. Elvis would be laying on the floor. Elvis said, “I know they don’t mean to do it, but sometimes they hurt me. They grab at me, pull my hair”. They have scratched his eye while trying to get some of that beautiful black hair. “I’ve been hurt,” Elvis said. “That’s why I don’t go anywhere.” We had a lot of conversations. One time I said to Elvis, “Why don’t you record Danny Boy?” He loved that song because he would sing it to his mom. Elvis said, “They don’t want that. They won’t let me sing something like that.” It was so funny, one day Pat Boone came walking on the set. Elvis spotted him and he started singing April Love, just the way Pat would sing it. Pat just grinned from ear to ear, Pat then came over and they met. But he never had the chance to become apart of the young Hollywood scene, because he was afraid to go out with the other young people who were at the studio. If he went to go to a movie, he had to rent the whole theatre. You know, Elvis never had a dime on him, he would follow me to the apple machine. I said to him, “You want an apple, right?” “Yes, please” (laughing). He never had any money. Joe: I know that to be true all the way up to the seventies. His men would carry his money and his keys. When did you hear that Elvis had passed? Jan: I was sitting with a friend at her business. The phone rang and they asked if I was there. They asked me if I had the radio on or had been watching television. I said no, why? “Elvis died.” I just couldn’t talk. When I was able to talk, I said I was so angry at him. I was so angry I could not even cry. Because he was doing all the wrong things and he knew he was, damn it! I could see that when I went to see him in Vegas. I said to myself, “That’s not my Elvis.” Joe: But you know the man was the greatest entertainer of the 20th century. Jan: There will never be another like him. In the Creole days he was just a big teddy bear. I asked him one time, “Ok, Elvis, when did all this swinging your hips start? Why do you do that?” “I do it for fun, I know just when to break it off.” I used to watch the little negro boys in his town, how they would sit on the curbs and sing. And they would stand up and dance. He said that’s where he got that from. They would sing and move their hips.

(...)

Joe: Well, I would like to thank you for talking to me today. Jan: You’re welcome, Joe.

Phone interview with Jan Shepard, done by Joe Krein, on June 22, 2007. YOU CAN READ THE FULL INTERVIEW ON: ELVIS100PERCENT.COM

Early 1958. Home movie. Birthday party to Jan Shepard. ♡

[agathasangel]

I Love Everything You Do- Part 1 (Eve Fletcher X Fem!Reader)

Warnings:Soft!Eve, Power Bottom!Eve, Sub!Top!Reader, Virgin!Reader,Obviously smut. Legal age gap (reader is early 20s Eve is mid 40s), Mommy kink ofc

Summary: After many nights spent partying together, Eve finally takes you home and shows you what you’ve been missing out on.

You’ve been to this bar so many times before just hoping to meet someone. To make friends. You’ve always been content being alone, but you still wanted to find your people. Every time you came out here you would usually hang out and drink with a group of older women. The one that was always there and who you could never get out of your head was named Eve.

The two of you would talk about your lives. She was divorced and had a son in college who wasn’t much younger than you.

“It’s still so hard. I mean it- it’s lonely. I miss them all the time. Even Ted- he cheated on me, I know, I should hate him, but-“

“No, I understand. You loved him, one thing doesn’t immediately take that away.”

“Have you ever been in love?”

“No, not really. I’m pretty lonely too. I guess I’m just shy. You must think I’m pathetic, I’m out of college and have never had a boyfriend or girlfriend or anything-“

“No. No no no,” Eve put her and on your shoulder and looked at you straight in the eyes.

“There is nothing wrong with you.”

Eve was so beautiful, so kind, so comforting.

Another night, Eve told you all about her son’s first semester of college.

“I was all alone, and I just- oh my god this is so embarrassing- I just started watching porn, like, all the time.”

“That’s not embarrassing, Eve.”

“Then- then you met Amanda- I kissed her, and I had a threesome with her and this guy who was- he was nineteen. And then my son- my son walked in on us. It wasn’t great and I- I haven’t had sex since then.”

“Wow. Holy Shit.”

“And the kid knew my son, too. The hated each other.”

“Oh my god. Was he proud or embarrassed?”

“I don’t know. Probably both. We never talked about it again.”

“I wish I could tell you a story like that but I’ve got nothing. I’ve never even had sex before.”

“That was the last time I did it.”

“I get why that guy had a crush on you.”

“I don’t. Why would he want me over someone his own age?”

“Because older women are beautiful and smart. And because you’re you, Eve. You’re an amazing woman no mater how old you are.”

“You’re the sweetest. You’re so… pretty, too. I didn’t realize I until my son left that I’m bi. Like, that I’m into women I mean. Wow, I’ve never said that out loud before.”

“I mean you did have sex with Amanda.”

“Yeah, but- I don’t know. I’ve never talked about it before, or talked about how many other women I’ve been attracted to or said that I’m bisexual. You’re just so easy to talk to.”

“Wow, Eve. Thank You. You know, I’ve never been a big party girl but I go out every weekend now just so I can see you. It’s embarrassing, I know, but I really like you.”

“I like you too.”

“I know you fantasize about women. Have you ever had fantasies about me?” You were terrified to ask. You were scared that Eve would say no and you would be humiliated.

“Oh, all the time, honey.”

“What do you think about?”

“I think about undressing you, being the first woman to touch you.. My favorite thing to think about is teaching you exactly how to please me. I lay back and spread my legs and you just do as I tell you to do. What your Mommy tells you to do. And I’ll tell you how much I love it, and what a good little girl you are. Would you like that? Because I’m not working tomorrow or anything, I could call an Uber and take the both of us back to my place right now if you felt like it.’

“I want that so badly Eve,” you said, your breathing still heavy, “but I’m scared I won’t do a good enough job.”

“Oh honey, trust me. You’ll be amazing just because you’re you”

You listened to Eve and went home with her.

“You’re such a pretty thing, look at you. So cute and innocent. Are you nervous?”

“A little bit. I just wanna do a good job for you, Mommy,” you said, trying out the title Eve had called herself earlier.

“It’s okay. Don’t be scared little one, Mommy’s gonna show you exactly how to please her.”

“I- I can do that Mommy. I can be good and obedient for you Mommy.”

Eve cupped your cheek in her hand, “I know, baby. Let me give you a kiss first.”

And Eve kissed you hard, the first time you kissed anyone in a very long time. Her hands moved all over your body, groping your breasts, your butt, and your thighs. Eve slowly pulled away from you and you quietly whimpered at the loss of contact. But she quickly made up for it by taking off all her clothes. Her body was incredible, just a beautiful work of art. Eve lay down on the bed and spread her legs, beckoning you closer to her. You sat in between her legs, looking at her pussy. You had never seen another woman’s up close before and you weren’t quite sure what to do.

“What should I do first Mommy?”

“First, you’re gonna rub my clit like this,: and she demonstrated, taking two fingers and rubbing them in a circular motion around her clit. You did as Eve said and she let out a soft, shaky breath.

“Yes little one, just like that, that feels so nice…”

After a few minutes, Eve instructed you to insert a finger into her, then another, then another.

“That feels so good, baby! You’re doing such a good job. Good girl, good…”

Eve laid the praise on heavy, and you loved it. You leaned over to kiss her on the cheek and she giggled.

“You’re so cute, little one. Now, Mommy has a very special toy she wants you to fuck her with. Wait here.”

Eve went into the closet and pulled out a dildo and harness.

“I’ve never used these before, babe. But I keep collecting toys hoping to find someone. I wanna try them finally.”

Eve helped you into the harness and led you back to the bed, kissing you. She lay down on her back and held onto your hips as she guided you into her. Eve was so wet, so excited.

“Yes, that’s it baby, fuck Mommy, make her feel good. Just like that…” said Eve as you started nervously thrusting into her.

“Harder, little one, that’s it. You’re so cute when you do that.”

You went harder with Eve’s help, her hands gripping your hips.

“Is this good, Mommy? Am I making you feel good?” You asked as you used your hands to play with Eve’s breasts. You could hear her moans getting louder and more excited as you went harder.

“Yes baby, yes, keep doing that. Keep playing with Mommy’s breasts, just like that. You’re such a good girl! Keep going.”

You could feel yourself getting wet too, and you went faster with your Mommy’s encouragement.

“I’m getting so close baby. I’m so close! You’re fucking Mommy so good baby, yes!”

Eve came and you kissed her. The both of you just stayed there for a while, with you on top of and inside of her, and her hands groping you.

“That was great. How do you feel, baby?”

“I’m so wet, Mommy.”

“I can take care of that after you rest up, beautiful girl.”

[johnsbleu]

Hold My Hand: John Wick x Reader Chapter 146

warnings: dual pov hmh masterlist

I haven’t seen my girls face-to-face in three days now, and it’s been killing me! This is the first time I’ve been away from them and it’s been really tough. I haven’t been away from Ronan since she’s been born, and the last time I was away from Y/N was before we were even married. I hope they’ll be as excited to see me as I am to see them.

I went up to the lake house to help Jimmy get some final touches done to it since we’re having Dan’s birthday party there this weekend with the family. It was fun to hang out with Jimmy and just have some good laughs, but I have to admit that I miss my girls so much.

Looking to my left, I wave at Jimmy as he pulls into his driveway, then I make my way up mine and smile when I see Bleu in the yard sleeping underneath the shade of a tree. He perks up when he hears my car, then he runs over to greet me as I get out.

“Hey, boy,” I smile, patting his side.

Bleu runs to the door and wags his tail as he waits for me, and I laugh quietly. He always wants to show me where the girls are. I open the door and watch as he walks inside, and I look up and smile when I see Y/N running from out of the kitchen.

“Hi, hi, hi!” she runs over to me and jumps into my arms as we kiss, and I hug her tight as she wraps her legs around my waist, “Oh my god! I missed you!”

“I missed you too!” I smile as I hug her, then I lean back and look at her, “God, you definitely got more beautiful while I was gone.”

Y/N scoffs, then she leans forward to kiss me as I carry her to the couch. I sit down with her straddling my waist as we kiss, and I let out a content sigh when she buries her face in the crook of neck. I rub my hands up and down her sides, then I smile when she sits back in my lap and looks at me.

“I missed you,” she whispers, cupping my face as she holds my gaze.

“I missed you too,” I kiss her palm, then I watch as she sits on the couch, “How have things been here? Bug’s sleeping?”

Y/N nods as she reaches for my hand, “Things have been good! Bug went down for her nap just a little bit ago. When you called and said you were on your way home, I was trying to keep her awake until you got here, but I left her for two minutes so I could pee and came back out to see her zonked on the floor.”

I laugh quietly, “That’s okay. Has she been good? I know we FaceTimed but I didn’t get to talk to you much yesterday since we were both busy.”

“She was really good! I had a girl’s day yesterday. Tess and I went to Amanda’s house, but we brought the kids. With Ro’s separation anxiety, I didn’t want to leave her with someone else, but she really didn’t give a shit whether I was there or not because she got to play with her friends.” Y/N says as we laugh, then she nods, “But she’s been really good. She slept in bed with me though. I hate that you weren’t here.”

“I know,” I nod as I relax back on the couch and prop my feet up on the coffee table, “I think the last time I was away from you was…I actually can’t remember.”

Y/N tilts her head as she thinks, “It was before we got married. Italy? No, not then. I showed up at the hotel. Holy shit, when was it?”

“Oh! I remember,” I say as I look at her, “Right before I proposed. When I went to your mom’s house to talk to her.”

“Oh my god, that was like…” Y/N looks around with wide eyes, “Almost two years ago.”

I chuckle as I look at her, “We haven’t slept without one another for almost two years.”

“Sick of me yet?”

“Nope, just getting even more obsessed,” I laugh as I lean over to kiss her, “I wish you would have come with me, to be honest.”

Y/N smiles as she nods, “Me too.”

“You had your girl’s night though. You deserved to have some fun, and I hope you did.”

“I did,” she nods, then she shrugs, “But I missed you. I missed you snoring in bed.”

I laugh as I playfully shove her arm, then I wrap my arm around her shoulder and pull her over to sit with me, “You had a good time with your friends though?”

“I did, we just had some food and drinks, had some chats about our annoying husbands, then I came home.” she says, and I chuckle when she smirks at me, “Nah, I gushed about you as usual. What’s new, right? What did you and Jimmy do?”

“Talked about our amazing wives and children.” I say, and she smiles at me, “We had the A/C fixed at the lake house and got a few other things done. I completely fixed up our room and bathroom downstairs. The bathroom just needed some final touches, then I got Ronan’s room done too. We just need to bring the crib we bought for there.”

“I’m excited to see it.” she says, then she snuggles into my arms as she leans her head on my chest.

We sit in silence together for a few moments, and I smile when she tilts her head up to look at me. I lean down to kiss her a few times while we have childless time together, then I start to smile when I hear Ronan crying.

“Go get her, she’ll be so happy to see you.” she whispers, and I lean down to kiss her before I get up from the couch.

I smile as I head upstairs to Ronan’s room and slowly push the door open, and Ronan juts her bottom lip out as she cries, one large tear coming from her left eye. I smile as I walk over to turn off her noise machine and to open the curtains, then I reach out for her as she cries.

“Why are you cryin’?” I whisper to her as I bounce her in my arms, and she leans her back to look at me, “Hi.”

Ronan still has her bottom lip jutted out as she looks at me for a moment, then she scratches her fingers against my beard before smiling wide and leaning against my chest. I hold her tight in my arms for a few moments before I walk over to put her on the changing table and get her out of this rank diaper.

“Hey, peach…”

“Yeah?”

I pick up Ronan and walk to the door to look at Y/N in the living room, “Do you want me to put her into something different?”

“Uh, just some different pajamas.” she says, shrugging, “Thought we’d just order something for dinner while we packed.”

“Sounds good.” I nod. I start to set Ronan down so I can grab some new pajamas but she just kicks her legs and starts to cry, so I hold her with one arm as I open her drawer, “Did you miss me?”

Ronan kicks her legs and babbles, and I feel the drool sliding down my arm as I hold her. I grab out some pajamas for her, then I carry her downstairs. Y/N looks over at us as we come down, and she smiles when Ronan squeals loudly.

“Did you miss dada?” she asks, which prompts Ronan to start kicking her legs wildly as she squeals.

I kiss Ronan’s cheek when I sit down with her in my lap, then with Y/N’s help, we quickly get her pajamas on. I reach for a toy that is on the coffee table, and Y/N and I completely disappear from Ronan’s sight when the toy is presented to her.

“Chopped liver now.” I say, relaxing back on the couch.

“Yeah, join the club.” Y/N jokes, then she smiles at me, “I just thought pizza or something would be good. I didn’t do any laundry or cleaning while you were gone, I won’t lie.”

I laugh as I look around, “The house looks fine.”

“I’m a pig when you’re not here.” she laughs, and I nudge her arm and shake my head.

“No, you’re not.” I laugh, then I sit up and look over at Ronan. I lean over and kiss her cheek, and she holds up her toy to show me, “Think she’ll crawl soon?”

Y/N hums as she thinks, then she shrugs, “I would assume so. She sits on her own, and this weekend I saw her doing the rocking back and forth thing, so I would assume she’ll start crawling within the next few weeks.”

I look down at Ronan and laugh as she ‘sings’ and makes noise, and I kiss the top of her head and pull her into my lap. I hold her up so she can stand on my legs, but she wiggles around and babbles nonsense loudly.

“You sure you’re ready for a road trip with us?”

“I am very ready,” I smile as I look over at Y/N, and she leans down to kiss me, “Can’t wait to spend the weekend up there.”

Y/N smiles as she holds up Ronan next to her face, “Us too!”

__

**

The car ride up to the lake house wasn’t bad since you waited until Ronan would be down for a nap. She slept the whole way there and only woke up about 10 minutes before you arrived. She’s currently sitting in the highchair waiting for John to get her some food, and she squealing loudly and babbling to everyone walking past.

Since John is getting Ronan fed, you decided to go downstairs to set up the crib in Ronan’s room. John is coming down to help as soon as he gets Ronan some food.

You smile as you look at Ronan’s room, and you walk over and check out the view from the window. Last time you were here, this room wasn’t even here, but Jimmy thought it would be a good idea to knock down the wall and put in a bedroom for Ronan, so that’s what he did this winter. It looks really good, and it’s nice that Ronan can be downstairs with you and John when you go to bed rather than being upstairs.

“Hey…” John smiles as he walks into the room, then he gestures, “What do you think?”

“I love it! I love the cute little plants all over and how it ties into our room,” you say, then you reach up to touch the cute little fuzzy pink deer head, “I love this.”

John chuckles, “Thought it was kind of ironic seeing as we don’t hunt.”

“It’s cute.” you laugh, then you reach for his hands and smile at him, “Thanks for doing this. If she could talk, she’d tell you that she loves this.”

“I think so,” he nods as he looks around, then he points at the toys, “I got her some new stuff that she might like too.”

**

Y/N looks up at me and smiles as she nods, “She’ll love it.”

I lean down and cup her face as I kiss her, and she wraps her arms around my waist as we make out for a few rare uninterrupted minutes. Y/N tilts her head to the side as I slide my tongue into her mouth, and I smile when she reaches down to grope me over my pants.

“Hey, hey, hey…” I laugh as she slouches and juts her bottom lip out, “Tonight, what do you say?”

“Yes!” she smiles wide as she nods, then she throws her arms around my neck and kisses me as I hold her and carry her in my arms back to our room.

“Hey,” Tess calls out downstairs, “Ronan keeps doing some thing to me, but I don’t know what it means.”

I laugh as I take Y/N’s hand and head upstairs, then we walk into the kitchen and see Ronan sitting in her highchair. I furrow my brow as I walk closer, then I watch as Ronan signs that she wants more food.

“She’s signing,” Y/N smiles proudly, “John has been teaching her some basic signs.”

“That’s amazing,” Bev smiles.

Y/N walks over and cuts the other half of the banana into small pieces, then she places them on Ronan’s tray, and Ronan wastes no time when she sees. She stuffs banana into her mouth and gets it all over her face, but she’s so damn happy to be eating.

“She knows the signs for ‘more’, ‘dad’, ‘mom’, and ‘food’, of course.” Y/N smiles as she looks at me, “Our little smarty pants.”

I smile when I look at Ronan with banana all over her, then I grab a napkin to wipe it off, “I read that it helps your baby communicate and keeps their frustration low.”

Bev nods, “That makes sense. Babies can’t always communicate verbally what’s going on.”

I shrug, “And she hasn’t said her first word yet, so I figured I’d teach her.”

“She’ll start talking soon, Jonathan.” Bev smiles, squeezing my arm.

“Watch this. Ro, where is dada?” Y/N asks, signing ‘dad’, then she points around the room, “Hmm, hmm, hmm, where is dada?”

Ronan looks at Y/N and smiles, then she only signs ‘dad’ as Ronan looks around. Ronan looks at me and smiles, then she smacks her hands on the tray and screeches happily.

“Good job!” I smile as I lean down to kiss her, “She’s a smart little bug.”

I clean up the tray and Ronan’s face, then I take off her bib and set her down so she can play with Finn. He crawls over to her with some of his toys, and I smile when I see him hold up one to show her. Ronan bounces in place and giggles as Finn plays with her, and she squeals loudly when he imitates a plane engine.

Leaning back against the counter, I smile as I watch my beautiful baby girl grinning like the happiest baby on the planet.

__

Standing on the sun deck, I look out at the water as the sun goes down and I take a moment to think about how much my life has changed. It’s something that is always on my mind, but today has been so good that I have to take an extra moment to really be grateful for how far I’ve come.

If someone would have told me years ago that I would meet the most wonderful woman who would change my life, I would have never believed them. I never in a million years would think I would be married to an incredible woman who is everything that I could ever want. She’s smart, kind, understanding, so damn sexy, and just beautiful inside and out. The fact that we haven’t lost the spark between us as well is pretty amazing. Not that I ever think we will, I’m crazy about her.

I can’t imagine my life without Y/N, and I certainly couldn’t imagine my life without Ronan. Being a dad wasn’t something that I thought I’d ever be, so I’m so grateful to Y/N for giving me the opportunity. I just hope I’m doing a good job.

“Hey, cutie…” Y/N smiles as she walks up to the sundeck, “Come here often?”

I look over at her and smile as I stand up to allow her to stand in front of me. I wrap my arms around her waist and bury my face in the crook of her neck, and she pulls my arms around her tighter.

“Ro is down?”

“She is,” she nods, then she looks at me and smiles, “What are you doing up here?”

I shrug as I look out at the water, “Just thinking.”

“Well, come on, Wick, fill me in!” she laughs, and I kiss her cheek before I stand next to her.

“Today has been great, hasn’t it?” I say, and she laughs as she furrows her brow a little. “Every now and then, I just start to think about how much my life has changed since we met.”

Y/N turns to face me, then she leans against the railing, “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” I nod, then I shrug as I look out at the sun setting, “It’s days like these where I think about how far I’ve come, everything I went through…”

“You went through a lot. Ya know, not many people can say they literally fought like hell for their life and mean it. They mean it metaphorically, but I know it better than anyone how literal it is. I see it every time we’re in bed,” she whispers as she reaches over and touches the scars on my arms and chest, “I see the hell you went through, and I’m grateful that you’re so damn stubborn sometimes because you could have easily complied and said ‘you know what, I give up’, but you didn’t. You kept fighting. You kept fighting because you knew there was a better life out there for you.”

I let out a small laugh as I stand up straight and look over at her, “You know, you’re really good at these talks.”

“Well,” she rolls her eyes playfully as she shuffles in place, “I learned from the best.”

“I’ve just been thinking all day about how amazing my life has been since you came into it. You’ve made me a better man, and I’ll always be grateful for that.” I say, and she smiles with tears in her eyes, “You made me a husband again, and now you’ve made me a father. I can’t thank you enough for allowing me this opportunity.”

Y/N scoffs a little as she looks away and wipes the tears off her cheek, “John…”

“I mean it,” I reach over for her and hold her gaze, “I don’t thank you enough.”

“Because you don’t need to.” she whispers, and I shake my head. “Just waking up and seeing that you’re still there in the morning is enough. I mean sometimes Ro and I can be a handful.”

I shake my head as we both laugh, then I lean down to kiss her, “I’m not going anywhere. You and Ronan mean everything to me, and I mean it when I say I can’t function without you two. Those three days without my girls were rough. It gave me a glimpse as to what it would be like if I didn’t have you two in a way, and I hated it. I hated not feeling your body next to me in the night. I hate not waking up and bringing Ro into bed just to snuggle for a little bit. I hated not having you around.”

Y/N smiles as she looks up at me, then she cups my face and stand on her tiptoes to kiss me. I wrap my arms around her tight and deepen the kiss, then I kiss down her cheek to her neck before holding her for a few moments.

“Thank you for coming into my life and giving me all the things I never knew I wanted,” I whisper, and she tilts her head back and looks at me, “I love you more than I’ll ever able to express.”

“You’re so cute,” she whispers as she rubs her thumb against my cheek, then she leans up to kiss me, “I love you too.”

I hold her hand as I walk over to sit on the couch, and I smile when she sits next to me and puts her right leg over my lap, “It’s beautiful out here.”

“It’s a really nice night.” she nods, then she smiles at me, “Jimmy is going to start a bonfire in bit.”

“Sounds good.”

Y/N clears her throat a little as she shifts in place, then she looks at me and smiles softly, which causes me to grow concerned. Something is…off.

“What’s going on?” I ask, and she furrows her brow. “Come on, I know you. You got that little crinkle in your forehead. You’re thinking about something.”

“Uh, well, I…” she tilts her head back and groans as she looks at the sky, then she looks over at me, “I…god!”

I laugh as I hold her hand, “You can do it, baby.”

Y/N takes a deep breath and looks at me, “I think…I might be pregnant.”

I immediately sit up and look at her, “What?”

“Yeah,” she bites her lip nervously and nods, then she looks down at her hands and shrugs, “I haven’t gotten my period yet. It’s a few days late.”

I look down at my lap for a moment while we’re both silent, and I let everything run through my head.

We want more children but Ronan isn’t even a year old yet. We don’t want kids this close in age, and I know that we want to just stay the three of us for a little while longer before we add another member to the family. How the hell am I going to tell her that I don’t think we should have another baby yet?

I look up when I hear Y/N sniffle, and I move closer to her, “Don’t cry.”

“I just…I don’t want to be pregnant right now. I like just being a little family of three, and I’m just now starting to feel better about things. I’m finally feeling like I got this whole mom thing in the bag. I don’t want to be pregnant right now.”

“Yeah, of course.”

Y/N looks at me and shrugs, “I don’t mean to hurt your feelings--”

“Hey, I agree with you wholeheartedly.” I nod, and she smiles a little. “I love it just being the three of us. I love the way things are going. I don’t want another baby right now either. We’re still getting used to how things are with Ro.”

“Yeah,” she nods as I reach over to wipe the tear off her cheek. “I just finally got my body back. I finally feel like myself again. I’m not ready to share it again.”

I nod as I hold her gaze, “I know. I don’t blame you.”

“So…” she exhales as she looks at me, “Wanna come with me to take the test?”

I perk up as I look at her, “You bought some?”

“Before you got home the other day. I was too nervous to tell you.” she says, and I intertwine my fingers with hers and pull her up from the couch.

We hold hands as we walk inside, and I see Tess give her a wink. Of course Tess probably already knows what’s happening. I wouldn’t put it past these two. I’m glad that she had someone to talk to while I was gone.

Y/N heads downstairs and walks straight to her bag to get out the pregnancy tests, then she opens it while she walks to the bathroom. I let out a small laugh when she immediately sits on the toilet and sticks the test between her legs, then I lean against the door frame and look down to give her privacy.

“Okay,” she sighs as she flushes the toilet and washes her hands. She puts a piece of toilet paper over the test so neither of us peek, then she crosses her arms and looks at me. “I feel like I need to say this: I’ll be happy if we are.”

“I know,” I nod, then I gesture to myself, “Me too.”

Y/N holds my gaze, then she chuckles, “I just don’t want to be.”

“Yeah, same.” I laugh, reaching out for her hand, “I’m glad we’re on the same page.”

A few moments pass as we stand there, and I smile when she looks up at me but I furrow my brow a little when I remember that she’s on birth control.

“I already know what you’re about to ask,” she laughs, and I start to smile, “I haven’t been taking it. It’s just so annoying to remember to take a pill, okay?”

I laugh as I lean over to kiss her, “I understand.”

“I have an appointment Monday, so I’m going to ask Doctor Mendez what I can I do instead because being a new mom causes me to forget to eat half the time, how am I meant to remember to take a pill?”

“Makes sense.” I nod, then I look over when the timer goes off. I walk over to wrap my arm around her shoulder and hold her close to my chest, and we both lean in to kiss one another before I pull the tissue from over the test. “Oh, thank god.”

Not pregnant.

Y/N leans against my chest and laughs, “I’ve never been more nervous.”

“Me too.” I laugh, then I lean back to look at her, “You’re sure you’re happy with those results?”

“Yes, very happy.”

I smile as I lean down to kiss her, “Because if you wanted a different result, I can always help with that.”

Y/N laughs as she tosses the test into the garbage, then she takes my hand and walks to Ronan’s room, quietly pushing the door open so we can check on her. We both tiptoe over to the crib and peek over to look at Ronan, and I wrap my arm around Y/N’s shoulder and kiss her head.

Ronan’s chunky little cheeks are a little red, so Y/N turns the little fan on to cool her down. I smile when she looks at me and wraps her arms around my waist, and we both look back at Ronan.

“I love her more than anything in this world, but I’m not ready to have another one yet.” she whispers, and I look at her, “I love our little world as three.”

“I do too,” I whisper back, then I lean down to kiss her, “Don’t worry about me. I’m fine.”

Inhaling deeply, Y/N takes my hand and leads me to our bedroom where she sits down and pulls me next to her on the bed, “I want to have more kids. We’ve talked about this.”

“Why are you trying to justify your reaction like I’m upset?”

“I don’t want you to think I don’t want more kids.”

I tilt my head as I look at her, then I chuckle as I lean over to kiss her, “I know you want more. I do too! It’s just not time. I’m finally getting you back, I’m finally able to just have you to myself sometimes. You went through so much with this first pregnancy, and I don’t want you to go through all of that again unless you’re ready.”

Y/N smiles as she nods, “Yeah.”

“I love you, and I know you love being a mom,” I reach for her hand and press a kiss to it, “It’s just not time for another baby yet, and I’m completely fine with that. I think we’re both still trying to get used to how things work with a baby, and every month she’s learning something new and things are constantly changing. Plus with only one baby, I can get away with sneaking you off to the bedroom more often.”

“Yeah, very true.” she laughs, nodding her head as she leans over to kiss me.

I hold her gaze for a moment, then I nod to the bed and smirk, “Shall we?”

We both look over when we hear a knock on the glass sliding doors, and we wave at Jimmy. He slides the door open and sticks his head in as he waves.

“You guys coming for the bonfire?”

“Yeah, we’ll be right out.” Y/N says, then she looks at me and laughs, “Maybe we should wait for everyone to be asleep.”

I nod my head as I laugh, “Yeah.”

__

The sun has set, the kids are down, and now all the adults are outside for a bonfire. Bev never misses a moment to boast about her girls and tell embarrassing stories, and she’s making us all laugh telling us about the time Y/N got so sick at school that she needed to be picked up.

“Oh, she smelled horrid.” she says, and Y/N puts her head in her hands as she laughs. “The poor thing just couldn’t stop puking and then it was coming out of both ends. My poor baby was just a stinky crying mess when I picked her up. She ended up having a really bad stomach bug and was out of school for about two weeks. I remember when we needed to take a fecal sample to the hospital for testing, she nearly cried because she didn’t want the ‘boy doctor’ to look at it.”

“Hey! I was embarrassed!” Y/N says, and I chuckle as I look at her, “I was like…7.”

Bev smiles, “You just kept saying ‘no, he’s a boy doctor! Don’t give the boy doctor my poop!’ Everyone in the lobby was trying not to laugh, and the poor thing just cried. They ended up having a female nurse come take it to save the poor thing from the humiliation.”

Y/N laughs, “I’ll be sure to save Ro the childhood trauma and not pass her poop off to the boy doctor.”

I laugh as I rub her arm, then I lean down to kiss her head, “I know you have some embarrassing stories about Tess.”

“Hey!” Tess playfully yells and reaches over to shove my shoulder.

“Of course I do.” Bev laughs, then she shakes her head, “But I won’t do that to her.”

Y/N scoffs jokingly, “Oh, so you’re just going to tell my husband that I shit my pants one time but you’re not going to tell any of Tess’ embarrassing stories. Wow, I see who the favorite is.”

Tess puffs her chest up and flips her hair, then she nudges Y/N’s shoulder, “Nah, mom always said she never had a favorite.”

It’s actually really cool how Bev has always made it seem like Tess is her biological daughter. Y/N takes so much pride is having her as a big sister too. It’s cool that they accepted Tess into the family despite not being blood, and it was nice that I immediately felt at home with them too. They’ve always made me feel so comfortable, and I know it’s because Bev is just a really good woman. I’m glad that Y/N was brought up by her because she’s raised incredible daughters and now Y/N gets to help raise ours.

“Hey,” Jimmy comes out of the house and looks at us, “Ro-Ro is crying.”

Y/N laughs, “Ro-Ro?”

“Yeah, I mean, you got a nickname for Finny. I had to think of one too.” he laughs as he shrugs, “It was Ro-Ro or Rowey.”

“Well,” Y/N tilts her head, “I won’t lie, Rowey is kind of cute.”

I laugh as I get up with her, then we head downstairs to check on Ronan. As soon as we get to the door, Ronan reaches out for her mom and juts her bottom lip out.

“Oh, I know. Momma and daddy are here.” Y/N whispers as she picks her up and bounces her a little, and Ronan lays against her chest and sucks her thumb.

“I think she just needed her momma.” I whisper, then I grab Ronan’s blanket, “She can come upstairs with us.”

Y/N nods, “She’ll probably fall asleep again. She’s just been a little clingy.”

I wrap the blanket around Ronan as we head back outside, and I wait for them to sit down before I sit next to them and make sure they’re both warm. I wrap my arm around Y/N’s shoulder and rub her arm to warm her up, then I smile when she looks at me.

Ronan’s eyes are growing heavy as Y/N rubs her back and slowly rocks her from side to side, and I smile when I see Ronan’s eyes finally flutter shut as her thumb falls out of her mouth. I reach over and rub her back before leaning over to kiss her forehead, then I kiss Y/N and smile at her.

“We love you,” she whispers, and I smile again.

“I love you both.”

Holding tight to Y/N, I rub her arm and listen to the conversations being had, and I smile as I look around at everyone. My family. My perfect little family.

[acrosstobear]

you're like a celebrity to me i must admit. you post and i have a tiny internal moment of "oooh amanda posted!"

omg bestie you are so cute but i promise you that i am muddling my way through life just as much as anyone 😅 rn i’m lying in bed with a pit in my stomach wishing i could relive the weekend again and again every single weekend for the rest of my life 😭 i haven’t felt yearning this intense in a while tbh. so you see!!!!! just a regular person with regular emotions who cannot be normal about other normal people aka race car drivers oops

[marieskey]

I bit the bullet and ordered the birth control 😩😩. I needed to quit playing whereas I don’t want to take pills again. I also really don’t want to have a kid. It’s crazy stupid to continue to have unprotected with a guy you don’t want to be with in that way forever. Depending on him to pull out in time is stupid. Like so stupid. Watch me stop having sex when I get back on the pill😂😂. That’s how it happened last time.

Told Amanda we’ve been hanging out as far as my mother is concerned..lol. I never actually told her I was hanging out with Amanda. I just said I was going out and she assumed it was with Amanda and I didn’t correct her.

I really wish he had been free last weekend. Nigga likes to eat pussy and I’m past the bruises he put on my thighs somehow. Even tho they were bad. Spend a little bit judging myself. Was it really that rough. The bruises looked that way. Why didn’t I feel that pain??!! That was the crazy part. I should’ve felt that discomfort. I was “okay” with him cumming all over my back until the saw the bruises. Then I was a bit judgmental towards myself because I don’t want to be with him but I let him slut me out like that.

Let’s rewind I don’t want to be with him long term. What every doing now is fine it’s temporary.

I told Amanda he and I had been hooking up. She was not surprised. I believe her face mirrored mine. There are no real words to describe the feelings I have towards the situation. We’re basically in a pseudo relationship. We’re not together like at all, I’m not seeing anyone else I even deleted tinder. Lol, he’s not seeing anyone else. But we could see and have sex with anyone if we wanted to. Although I did say we wouldn’t have raw sex anymore if the circumstances changed. It can’t last I don’t know that I want it to last. This feels final tho, I do believe this time we’ll be done. We’ve had the sex now so there’s nothing else to do. Like the end of the college years. My only thoughts are that it’s works for the moment. There are No expectations we could stop talking at anytime. 🤷‍♂️ I don’t have to pretend or put on airs. He’s him and I’m me it’s easy right night. I have to put on better clothes when I leave the house bc no one knows where I’m going. If I were being honest, or lived by myself I’d probably never wear jeans when I left. I’d just wear some dress or sweatpants. I might just like the ease of the situation. It’s kind of a safe bet.

[olokosomolo]

●Congratulations to an old dog

●Thanks, guys. Live and learn, I guess

●Sounds like you're a man of experience

● it's not very hard to see why. Lol

● No one's as smart as you !

● Hey. Smart as he can be. Lol 😆

So how do I know that the sudden  warming of our relationship again between me and my cousin Yossi, after more than a decade, that we barely spoke. It was only because of my girlfriend Erica.

● I met Erika when she was the shot girl at the red sky on third street and Market Philadelphia. I was newly separated  from my ex.

● Erika was the embodiment of the perfect/healthy body. Also, she was so neat and so amazingly clean that our house was so clean that you could lick the hardwood, and your tongue will probably leave a mark of dust.

● My aunt, who used to work for Yossi and also for me, would always tell how Yossi never stops talking about Erika (Malh Maim) (for The Evil Eye)

It was between 2009 - 2013. Then, end 0f 2013, after me & Erika breakup, I no longer heard from my cousin again. I heard, though, that he invited her one weekend. When I called him he orrogently said: she is not your girlfriend anymore. Well, that right, but where is your moral mf? 🤔

Those are all the girls that I had a relationship with, which was taken by Ricky and Yossi

From right to left: 1. Ex wife, #2. Erika. #3 Ruby Sunset #4. Amanda #5 Dejavulva #6 my partner to the bigolive broadcast Gianna

Look :

3 white

3 black

So here is my take in the end of the day EVERYONE (Yossi/ Ricky)DID A ROUNDABOUT ON ALLL MY GIRLFRIENDS. I have never ever know their girls just unthinkable.

● also, at the time we where hanging out with cousin Yossi he was secretly  involved with my ex.

● I wish to confess in front of all of you. That's the truth. Erika was perfect for sure. But I took her only cost and wanted to upset my ex-wife, which at the time I couldn’t bear the fact that I'm about to lose her.

[ramblings-of-a-fangirl-blog]

I wish everyone going to Gabit a great time.

In particular I hope that all the newbies have a wonderful experience.

[formsprings]

u know when it’s bid day and u get a pounding headache from seeing all the fake bitches from ur school get into sororities on instagram but then u start feeling sad and depressed and jealous bc even tho sororities are awful u know u could never get into one anyway bc ur not hot enough

[wardenparker]

Starting Over - Chapter 10

Marcus Pike x female reader Co-written with @absurdthirst

Recently arrived in Texas and only slightly removed from his divorce, Marcus finds himself smitten with the women at the housewares store that is helping him furnish his new Austin condo. It becomes a more complicated situation than he could have expected, but Marcus has never been one to shy away from a challenge when love is on the line. ✨This fic takes place *before* the events of The Mentalist.✨  

Rating: Mature Word Count: 6.3k Warnings: *Blanket warnings for this fic will include divorce, past abusive relationships, deceased mothers, father issues/family trauma, unplanned pregnancy.* Cursing and food mentions, unplanned pregnancy, pregnant reader, argument/fighting, serious drama and angst ahead. Summary: Returning from your vacation is a rude awakening, as Amanda has taken a giant new leap toward being even more horrible. Notes: With just a few chapters left, we are really hitting high gear as far as drama goes!

Ch 1 ~ Ch 2 ~ Ch 3 ~ Ch 4 ~ Ch 5 ~ Ch 6 ~ Ch 7 ~ Ch 8 ~ Ch 9

Austin traffic really isn’t that bad, although Marcus drums his fingers on the steering wheel impatiently. Eager to be home and wishing that he could recapture a few of the blissful moments of this weekend with you. A TV is in the back of his car, bought so he can set it up on that gorgeous dresser you helped him pick out, so the two of you can watch Netflix on a bigger screen than your laptop. Maybe curl up with some Thai or tacos, whatever you and the baby were craving with the bedroom door firmly locked, and Amanda banished to the other side.

This weekend was everything he imagined and more. Both of you had hated coming back, just because it meant that you weren’t in that little inn or just wrapped up in the three of you. More names on the list for the baby, and more ideas for that nursery to be when an unwanted guest vacated the room. It was perfect, and like all perfect vacations, he now had the post vacation blues. Ready to get home and see your beautiful face and caress your stomach.

The sound of crying from upstairs the second Marcus steps into the house is not good. Amanda isn’t home, thank god, but you definitely are and that is definitely the sound of you being inconsolably upset in your room. Forgetting about the TV instantly, Marcus is upstairs and through the doorway faster than a speeding bullet just to find you curled up in the corner of the bed you share, sobbing into a pile of tissues. You don’t seem to be physically hurt at all, but this would be one hell of a mood swing if it happened all on its own.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” Even though you don’t physically seem hurt, he can’t help but stroke your cheek, checking your body for anything that might give him a clue as to why you are sobbing as he is pulling you into his arms. “Shhhhhhshhhhhh it’s okay.” He murmurs softly.

“I had one safe space!” You sob openly, unafraid of being judged by Marcus for overreacting when you know damn well that this is a perfectly reasonable reaction for what happened today. His arms are your only safe place now - the only place she can’t hurt you. “And she fucking stole it in three goddamn days!”

He is completely confused, but he knows who she is. “What happened baby?” His mind races. Had they fired you? It doesn’t seem likely, since you had just told him the other day how short staffed you were, and you were one of the most competent they had. But he also knows that Amanda is a talented actress and a liar.

“Do you wanna know where she is right now?” When your eyes flick up to his they’re full of anger and betrayal, a mix he’s never seen from you. Not even the day Amanda showed up on his doorstep.

Nodding, his stomach rolls with the possibilities but he knows if he understands what the problem is, he can try to fix it.

“She went out and got a job.” The words come out through gritted teeth. You’re so angry you could spit fire, if only you didn’t feel so hopeless. “At Crate & Barrel.”

“Fuck.” Releasing a heavy sigh, Marcus closes his eyes and pulls you closer. “I’m so sorry.” He strokes your arm, trying to soothe you. He knows it’s on purpose, there’s no way that it’s a coincidence.

“She must have heard me telling you about being short staffed before we left on Thursday.” Fingers digging into his arms, you tug as close to him as possible and just let the tears fall. You love your job, and even the company, and after so many years working for them it feels like a complete betrayal. “And they fucking love her.”

“She’s good at hiding the rot underneath.” He reminds you softly, letting you cry. As much as he hates to see you in tears, he knows you need to let it out. “I’m sorry baby. I’ll talk to her. I promise I’ll try to fix this.”

“She’s not going to quit.” When she had cornered you in the empty break room halfway through a mild panic attack, she had even told you as much. “She told me p-point blank.” When was the last time you cried like this? Maybe when your mother died? That was the last time you felt truly hopeless. “She’s going to be a goddamn model employee until either I’ve quit, or you’ve signed over the trust.”

“Fucking bitch.” Marcus hisses under his breath. He’s fucking tired of his ex-wife trying to ruin his life all over some money. “I’ll – I’ll call the lawyers.” He promises. “This is harassment and malicious intent at this point.”

“What did they say?” He had met with them today; you remember being hopeful when the day started.

His sigh is a bit defeated. “She’s refusing to sign anything. We have to go to court.” He shakes his head at the utter gall of the woman. “They are trying to get it on the court calendar as quickly as possible.”

“Fuck.” A silent sob wracks through you making you shake a little in his arms as you cling to him. “She doesn’t stand a chance in court, right? Please tell me she’s not going to win…” The money is nothing at this point. Neither you nor Marcus actually wants it, but that just isn’t the point. The point is that Amanda has done everything but outright attack you to get it and at this point you wouldn’t even put that past her. The point is that you’re now so angry that you want her to walk away from this attempt to ruin your lives with a broken spirit and an empty wallet after wasting everything she has on lawyers.

“No, she’s not.” Although Marcus can’t be one hundred percent sure. There was always the chance of having the wrong judge in the wrong mood to believe Amanda. “It’s just going to take more time, is all.”

“This is so fucked.” You mumble, wiping your eyes with the heels of your palms as you steadily avoid his gaze. “I’m sorry, baby. This isn’t what you needed to come home to.”

“You didn’t need to find out that your one space had been violated.” Marcus closes his eyes and sighs again, hesitant to bring up the idea, but he knows he needs to. “If you want to go back next door— I won’t be mad.” He murmurs softly. “I’ll understand. You deserve to have some space from her.”

“No.” There’s absolutely no way you’re going to give Amanda even a molecule of victory, and running you out of your own home would be a hell of a lot more than a molecule. “She doesn’t get to win in any way. I’m not going backward.” It does, though, make you look up at him. “What if I went back over there even for a single week and you missed the baby kicking for the first time? I couldn’t live with myself.”

God, he loves you. Marcus hugs you just a bit tighter. “Okay, but— let me know when you need a break. We’ll get a fucking hotel room if we have to. Just for a night.”

“We could go see my dad soon?” It’s the happiest thing you can think of right now - going back up to New York to tell your dad he’s going to be a grandfather - and if that’s the positive thing you have to look forward to then you’ll cling to it with both hands. “Nothing was out of place after this weekend, so I don’t think she’s going to try property damage if we go out of town again.”

“Let me know when you can get a few days off and I’ll make it happen.” He promises, kissing the top of your head.

“I’ll call him tomorrow while she’s at work.” You nod a little and sigh. “She’s training for the next few days, so at least I can assign someone else to do that. But…if she decides to complain about me to our store manager, I just don’t have the loyalty built up with this new guy that I had with the manager that hired me. It’s…baby, it’s scary. I don’t want anything to happen to my job.”

“Do you want me to have a talk with them?” It’s a long shot, but there’s the chance that the badge he carries will assist in giving him credibility beyond your fiancé.

“I don’t think it would do any good.” The way she manipulates, you wouldn’t be surprised if she’s already woven a sob story for your coworkers. “But if she gets bad, I might take you up on it anyway.”

“I’m sorry.” He never expected this. Amanda hated working retail and had made that very clear when they were dating. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.” Combing your fingers through his hair in the most soothing motion you can manage, you resettle in his arms and try to steady your breathing. “None of this is your fault. She’s evil.”

The entire situation makes him feel impotent. Like he is unable to support you or protect you because of the chokehold Amanda has on the entire situation. “Since she’s out of the house, do you want me to cook dinner?” He asks softly, wanting to make you feel better. “Throw away some of the gross shit she’s bought?”

The clock on the wall reads six o’clock and you nod slightly, feeling guilty that you felt too terrible when you got home to have anything ready for him. It’s not like he expects it, but he always lights up a little extra when he feels taken care of. Loved. “She’s closing tonight…we have a couple of hours until she comes back.”

“Good.” Marcus kisses your temple again and starts to pull himself away, wiping at a few tears that haven’t dried yet. “We will be able to enjoy more than one room in our house tonight.”

“Maybe we’ll get lucky and she’ll get scheduled for all closing shifts so we can have a couple of hours to ourselves from time to time.” Letting him out of your sight isn’t an option. Marcus is your anchor, and you force yourself to sit up in bed and try to shake off the unease so you can go downstairs with him.

He chuckles and holds his hand out to help you up. “We can only hope.” He shoots you a grin. “Hopefully she gets the worst shifts.”

“Maybe she’ll just be terrible at the job and not make it past her probation period.” Does it make you awful to hope that that will be the case? You really can’t tell.

“Or she’ll immediately remember why she hated retail and quit.” He doesn’t understand why she would want a retail job other than to torment you, she had worked on an office for years. Unless she had burned her bridges in her profession.

“We can only hope.” Down the stairs and into the kitchen, Marcus grabs an oversized trash bag and opens the cupboards, starting to pull out the things that Amanda accumulated over the weekend that make you sick. “Do we still have spaghetti in there?” You ask Marcus, moving to the freezer to see if the bag of meatballs you bought last week is still there or if she got rid of them in a purge of things you enjoy.

“The jars are here and unopened.” Marcus grunts, pulling out a jar of your favorite sauce and holds it up happily. “Spaghetti and some garlic bread?”

You groan in delight when you discover the bag of meatballs is still hidden in the bottom corner of the freezer and pull them out to inspect. No tears in the bag, no evidence of Amanda tampering. “Looks like we have a full dinner.”

“Perfect.” Marcus dumps the shrimp chips into the trash bad and curls his lip when he pulls out the tin of sardines. “She hates this shit.” He turns and smirks at you as he throws it away. “But I guess that just means her insecurity is even more than her hatred of mustard packed sardines.”

Even the phrase ‘mustard packed sardines’ makes you gag, and you grimace heavily as you situate yourself on a stool at the kitchen island. Your phone in your pocket buzzes and you brace yourself for a work call, but are pleasantly surprised when the caller ID screen shows your favourite photo of you and your dad from his birthday a few years ago. You had managed to talk him into one of those stupid cone-shaped paper birthday hats and the cake you had baked him sits on the table in front of you. “Look at that. Serendipity.” You hum, waving the phone at Marcus before you swipe it open. “Hi Dad.”

Marcus feels a bit nervous as you greet your dad. In that way that he felt when he broke his mother’s rules or defied the guardian’s curfew after she had died. He knows he’s done nothing wrong, but the man who had loved you from before birth might claim otherwise and he doesn’t want to cause issues between the two of you.

“Been a little while since I heard from you, honey,” your dad’s voice has that same rough quality to it that it always has, from a lifetime spent yelling at animals and farmhands and his own rambunctious kid. “I thought I’d give you a call.”

“I was going to call you tomorrow, actually. But this is perfect.” The beaming smile and thumbs up you aim Marcus’s way are sincere, and you reach to give his hand a squeeze when he looks nervous. “I was wondering if you had some time for me to come visit soon? I have someone I want you to meet.”

“Someone, huh?” There’s the distinct raspy sound associated with scratching stubble that Marcus is very familiar with, and he wonders if the older man is rubbing his cheek or his chin as he talks into the phone. “What kind of someone are we talkin’ about?”

“His name is Marcus.” You fully expect your dad to be a little skeptical, but there is also no doubt in your mind that he’ll end up loving the man you’re going to marry. It’s just a matter of getting them in the same place to meet. “We’ve been together a few months now.”

“And you’re wanting to bring him home to meet me, huh?” The notion isn’t lost on him, you’ve never brought anyone home since you’ve left, before or after Eric.

There's a smile etched in your voice, and you aim a reassuring wink at Marcus. "I figured you might want to meet the man I'm going to marry." The baby news can wait until you're there in person, but you don't want your father mistaking what you're doing in bringing Marcus home. You're not asking for permission; you're asking them to give each other a chance.

“Marry?” The shock in his voice is clear. “I— are you sure?”

"Yeah, Dad." You have to hold in a little laugh, but you're beaming across the kitchen island at Marcus. "I'm sure. He asked me this weekend and I said yes."

If he’s upset that he wasn’t asked for permission, he doesn’t voice it. “Come up whenever you want.” His voice is just slightly rougher. “I’ll be proud to meet him.”

"You're going to like him." Although you can all but straight-out guarantee it, you know that tone of his. There's disapproval below the surface, and you want to nip it in the bud as fast as you can. "I'm going to take him to see Mom while we're there. Just...he lost his mother, too. So he understands how hard it is. He's a good man, Dad."

There’s a slight pause, shifting on your father’s end as he absorbs that new information. “Alright.” He says after a moment. “Let me know when you’re coming up and I’ll make sure there are fresh sheets on the bed.”

“Thank you.” You practically sigh in relief, giving Marcus another thumbs up in the kitchen. “Can I call you tomorrow to let you know? I just have to see when I can get a few days out of work.”

“That sounds good, honey.” He shuffles again. “I should go, need to check on some things before dinner.”

“Okay. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Love you.” The expression of victory on your face is a tad obvious when you stuff your phone back in your pocket, but you don’t care. “He said whenever we want to come up, just let him know.” You tell Marcus. “And that he’d put fresh sheets on the bed. Which is basically my Dad’s equivalent of rolling out the red carpet.”

“Fresh sheets huh?” Marcus can’t help but grin at that bit of knowledge. Obviously the basic niceties of hosting could be overlooked if your father didn’t like someone.

“He might give us a little shit about not asking his permission first, but I have a feeling the baby bump will make all that sass melt away on sight.” By the time you manage to get up there you’ll definitely be showing, and the look on your father’s face when he sees you is going to be priceless. “He’s going to be so excited.”

“I hope so.” He bites his lip and sends you a smile. “Since the baby’s coming whether he likes it or not.”

“He’ll be over the moon.” You can promise Marcus that much. “The only thing he wants more than me to come home to the farm is grandbabies.”

Marcus smiles. “Well, I’m glad I can at least give him grandbabies.” He murmurs, leaning over and kissing you after tying off the trash bag. “I’ll go throw this away and start on that spaghetti you want.”

“You don’t have to wait on me, baby. I can get dinner started.” The idea that he exists to serve you just because you’re carrying his baby has never sat well with you, even when it’s a joke that Naomi sometimes tosses around now. You can certainly get off your stool and make dinner yourself, just like you would have if today hadn’t included several separate sob sessions.

Marcus pouts slightly but he doesn’t ever want to curb your independence. Instead he nods, “I’ll take this out and then I’ll make you a cup of your herbal tea.” Another find at inn were several flavors of teas you enjoyed. Marcus had to bring some back of course.

“Thank you, baby.” A kiss in gratitude as he passes you, and you start getting the evening meal together on the stove. After having to watch your back at work all day it’s actually freeing to just move around your own kitchen a little, and you exhale slowly but surely - reminding yourself that this is not forever. She will be gone soon enough, and you and Marcus and the Pike-ette can begin your lives together in earnest. As a family. Not a haunted or traumatized one.

The trash bin is up front and Marcus groans as he sees a familiar car pull up. “Fuck.” He hisses, hurrying back into the house. “Heads up, she’s back.” He tells you as he comes back into the kitchen. “Maybe she got fired already.”

“We’re not that lucky.” You roll your eyes, remind yourself to breathe, and steel yourself for whatever might come. Sometimes sales associates were sent home early when things were especially slow, but considering it was her first day that was suspect. “It’s okay, love. We’re just going to cook and eat our dinner like reasonable humans. Even despite the inevitable interruptions.”

“I know.” Still, he comes over and gives you a reassuring hug from behind and kisses your neck. “I love you.” He whispers.

“I love you, too.” There is no hesitation in your voice, and you’re certainly not quiet, making sure to add too so that when Amanda walks in the door and hears you, she knows that Marcus has said it first.

Snorting to herself, Amanda rolls her eyes when she hears the sweet sentiment. Of course you would try to play up wherever feelings you think he has for you. “Darling I’m home.” She calls out as she clicks her way into the kitchen wearing a pair of heels that didn’t belong on a retail floor.

“I’m going to focus on dinner.” You tell Marcus softly, because you know if you don’t put your mind elsewhere, you’re going to use your shit on Amanda.

Marcus nods, shifting to where he is facing the doorway as Amanda sails through with a smug smirk on her face. He frowns. “Already fired?” He asks, crossing his arms over his chest. “Or did you do the right thing and quit?”

“Don’t be silly.” Amanda reaches out to touch Marcus’s arm as she laughs off the idea. Does she despise retail and every inch of that horrible store? Of course. But she hates you far, far more. And if putting up with retail is what it takes to get rid of you, she’ll do it. “I love it there!” She hums brightly. “Everyone’s so welcoming.”

He doesn’t snatch his arm back, but he does quickly move away from her touch, “I want you to quit.” He tells her directly, tired of beating around the bush and how it’s affecting you. “Today.”

“But sweetheart,” she puts on her best look of innocence, placing one hand to her chest like she’s somehow shocked that he would ever suggest it. “However will I adjust to our new life here if I don’t find fulfilling work and make new friends?”

“Go back to Portland.” Marcus tells her for the thousandth time. “And talk to your lawyers. They aren’t happy you keep misrepresenting the facts.” He hadn’t missed the heavy sighs during the meeting.

“I’ll happily go back to Portland when you’re ready to come with me.” Getting him away from you has been nearly impossible since you moved in, and it’s making it a lot harder to convince him that you’re digging for gold when you keep being so disgustingly sincere all the damn time. At least she could have a good laugh over your so-called engagement ring. Sapphires? And so small, too. He didn’t even have the dedication to buy you a diamond, so at least she knew she was getting somewhere. Just not fast enough.

“I am staying here.” Marcus breathes out slowly, like he is explaining yet again. Losing his patience as you studiously try to ignore her with your back to the stove. “With my fiancée and our child. Give up, Amanda. We are over. Forever.”

The screaming frustration in her mind never makes it to her face, or the way she shakes her head in utter sympathy. “Til death do us part, darling, remember?” She bats her eyelashes for good measure, knowing that he always got off a little extra on the whole innocence thing. “It will all be ‘forgive and forget’ when you’re ready to come home to your wife.”

“If you will sign the damn papers you won’t be my wife anymore!” Marcus hisses, running a hand through his hair in frustration. “I don’t get it. You cheated on me and you expect me to just come back to you? What kind of doormat do you think I am?”

“It’s not your fault that you’ve been confused by her,” Amanda insists, laying a hand on his shoulder. Truth be told? She hates this whole fucking charade. He’s maybe a Seven on his best days and she’s a goddamn Twelve, and she shouldn’t have to pander to someone so below her. But that damn trust and everything in his bank account makes him a Ten, so the suffering will be worth it as long as she wins. “She’s a manipulator and a con artist, leading you astray just like she tried to do with me.”

Marcus just stares at her for a second before he shakes his head, disgusted that he ever was enamored with someone so…conniving. “Get your hand off of me.” Marcus tells her, speaking slowly and clearly. “I’ve told you I don’t want you touching me.”

“You’re stressed, honey.” Amanda continues smiling, reminding herself not to lose her shit and flip out no matter how aggravated she feels. Whatever long con you’re playing to get Marcus’s money, you’re using tears and the pregnancy. She doesn’t have that luxury. “Why don’t we order some dinner and sit down together? Reminisce?”

“No.” Marcus’s eye starts twitching, understanding why the lawyers were begging Marcus to relent on the trust. If they were dealing with half of this, he would be just as desperate. “We, as in my fiancée and I, are cooking dinner.” He tells her. “You can order whatever you want.” He had specifically started making sure that leftovers were marked for lunches. He isn’t feeding her too. Staying here was already enough. Too much, really.

“Are you sure that’s such a good idea, sweetheart?” Realistically, Amanda is well aware that Marcus is going to sit down and eat peasant food with his little hussy and then disappear into their lock room with her to do whatever it is that they do which obviously isn’t intimate in any way. But this is not about winning the battle. It’s about sewing the doubt that wins the war. “Eating what she cooks for you, I mean? It’s just…I saw her flirt with customers today, honey. I saw it with my own eyes. And you’ve already been hurt so much.”

His heart clenches, not for the fear of what you would do to him. He’s very aware of how you feel and that your heart is his, just like his is yours. No, his heart hurts because a woman he had loved was trying to use the way she had hurt him against you now. He hears your angry inhale and it pisses him off even more. “Get out, Amanda.” He growls, watching her set down some god-awful smelling cup she had in her hand.

“Now, honey.” Her head tilts ever so slightly, surprised to get anger from him instead of hurt. “What would the lawyers say if you kicked me out of our home?”

“My home.” He corrects, nodding towards you. “Her home. Not your home.” He is fucking done with today, done with her. She made you cry and feel vulnerable, and he’ll be damned if he is going to let it continue. “Go out to dinner. All your food has been thrown away.”

“Oh,” she tuts, annoyed at more money she really doesn’t have going down the toilet in his attempts to defend you. “What a pity. I’ll have to do some shopping tomorrow, I guess. After work, of course.”

“You’re not bringing any more of that shit in the house.” He points a finger at her, his brows pulled down. “I know what you’re doing and it is fucking ending now.”

“I’m providing sustenance for my husband.” She contends, trying to keep her voice from raising. Marcus so rarely gets actually angry that this is quite a sight to see.

“Sustenance.” Marcus sneers the word and rolls his eyes. “I don’t eat fucking sardines packed in mustard and you know it.” One camping trip early on in their relationship proved that when he had had too much to drink and ate a tin of them. It hadn’t been pretty, and he doesn’t touch sardines at all unless they were in Caesar dressing. “It’s all a bitchy move to make her sick.”

“I couldn’t possibly keep up with all her mood swings and cravings or supposed cravings.” Every once in a while, just to rile him up, she likes to insinuate that you’re lying about your pregnancy. Just to see how he’ll react. And tonight it’s anger, which is much more fun than when he mopes. That flash of testosterone in anger is fairly sexy, as far as Amanda is concerned. “She seems perfectly fine when you’re not home to perform for.”

God, it’s so rare that Marcus loses his temper. He doesn’t like it - doesn’t like the man he is in those few moments. However, in this moment, he doesn’t care when he’s pushed to his limit by the insults, the innuendo, the vileness and the fucking stress of the drama she is forcing the two of you to play out. His hand is around the cup, some specialty cup with the logo of the company on the front, hurling it and the contents towards the wall before he’s even processed he’s reached for it. “Get out of my goddamn house!” He bellows, face furious and chest heaving as the cup hits the edge of the counters and shatters, splattering the drink everywhere.

“Marcus!” Amanda’s reaction is more flustered than upset or shocked, almost like she enjoyed making him mad. From the doorway to the kitchen, though, you can smell whatever heavily pineapple-and-something-vile drink she had in that cup and you know in your (currently swirling) gut that it was destined to go all over you before the night was over. Marcus yelling isn’t something you think you’ve ever seen before, and you’re frozen in the doorway for longer than you’re proud of by the shock.

“If you preferred to spend tonight alone, all you had to do was say so.” Amanda hums, knowing she never would have let him get away with saying something like that to her. To his wife. No, instead she takes out her phone and quickly snaps a photo of his beet red face and her destroyed cup as evidence of his anger and tucks it away again with an almost pleased arrogance. “You’ll regret getting angry,” she tells him point blank before heading upstairs to her room.

“Son of a bitch!” Marcus sighs, shoving a hand through his hair again and turning towards you, filled with instant shame when he sees you wide eyed. “Fuck, I’m sorry baby.” He rushes out, raising his hands up and showing you he’s calmed down.

“It’s…it’s her.” You won’t necessarily say it’s okay because you don’t know if she can use that against him somehow in court once the camera footage is entered into evidence, but you offer him a place in your arms and rub his back gently. “She wanted a rise out of you, and she got it. I’m sorry, love.”

“I shouldn’t have….” Marcus sighs again and shakes his head. “Let me clean up that mess and I’ll finish dinner, okay?”

“Okay.” You nod a little, holding him tight until he lets go first. The length of a hug should always be determined by the person who needs it most, or so you’ve come to believe. “Everything’s going to be okay, love.” You murmur, kissing his cheek softly. “It’ll be you, me, and the Pike-ettes forever.”

“I’m sorry.” Marcus leans back and gives you a serious look. “I hope you know I would never hurt you. I’ve never hurt Amanda. Never laid a hand on her.”

“Of course I know that.” That had never even been a thought in your mind. Even now, as angry and hurt and frustrated as he is, what did he do? He raised his voice and broke a cup. That might be considered escalating behavior for some, but for your Marcus? That is the escalation. It’s as bad as you’ve ever seen and you’ve seen him under the worst stress of his life, aside from losing his mother. “You’re not violent or prone to outbursts, or anything like that. I know that.”

“That’s all that matters to me.” He sighs in relief, his shoulders slumping under the weight of that being lifted.

“I can clean that up if you need to sit and clear your head.” It’s a small offer to make, even if the smell is making your stomach heave. The sacrifice is minimal if it means Marcus will feel better. Clearly today hasn’t been easy on either of you.

“No.” Marcus shakes his head. “It smells horrible to me; I know you won’t agree with it.”

“What the hell did she put in it?” You can’t help the way your nose wrinkles as you back off from the concoction. “Vinegar and death?”

Marcus gives a small chuckle and bobbles his head. “I think so. But who knows.” The front door opens and closes and Marcus sighs. “Thank fuck, she decided to actually listen.”

“You think she’s actually gone for the night?” If so, you hate to think where she’s gone. Sure, there’s plenty of hotels in the city, but what if she’s already made friends with someone at work? Found an ally who isn’t aware that more than three quarters of the things that come out of her mouth are lies? Work will be worse than hell if she starts turning your coworkers against you.

“No.” Marcus grabs the roll of paper towels and the disinfectant to start cleaning up around the broken cup. “She doesn’t want me happy and everything she said was to target that. She’s showing her hand.”

“Outlasting her is the dream at this point.” You roll your eyes, knowing it will never happen. Amanda is a kind of greedy that only existed in legends before her. “Let’s have dinner and then we can watch a movie in bed? I think I’ve got my nightstand configured perfectly for my laptop by now.”

Marcus grins as he looks up at you from down on the floor. “Yeah— uh, about that.” He huffs. “I may have bought a smart tv for our bedroom. So we can actually watch tv in bed and not on your laptop.”

“Baaaabe.” The pout you aim at him is soft – grateful instead of chastising. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“I wanted to.” He gives a small shrug and a smile. “I thought about taking the TV out of the living room but was half afraid she would try to come into the room and lay between us to watch TV.”

“Well, it will come in extra handy when your giant baby has me on bedrest.” You roll your eyes at him playfully as he drops the used paper towels and broken bits of travel cup into the garbage. “I’ll be watching rerun after rerun of Say Yes to the Dress and weeping over how beautiful all the brides look.”

“Soon enough you will be saying yes to the dress and crying about how beautiful you look.” Marcus wipes down the wall and floor one last time and puts the supplies away to wash his hands.

“Naomi wants to take me shopping this weekend now that we’re officially engaged.” In fact, your best friend has been completely insistent about it. And since you no longer had the lack of a ring as an excuse to put it off, you had agreed. “I wouldn’t be surprised if she wants to take flight to New York just to go to Kleinfeld’s.”

“If that’s what you want to do.” Marcus nods with a smile. “Any time away will be good for you.” He knows how draining having Amanda around is for you and he’ll encourage a girls’ weekend if it helps you.

“Honey, no.” You shake your head adamantly while you pop the tray of garlic bread in the oven. “I am not flying to New York to look at wedding dresses, that’s insane. There are plenty of dress shops in Austin.”

Rolling his eyes, he walks over and drops a kiss on your shoulder, hand sliding over your stomach. “Only doing it once, so you should have the dress you want. Maybe something one of our girls will want to wear when they get married.”

“How dare you use our unborn daughters against me.” It’s not even a real pout, or a real protest, and you smile at him indulgently. “I’ll have a look at their website if it will make both of you happy.”

He snickers and leans in to drop a kiss in your lips. “Imagine how much worse it will be when we are holding said daughters.”

“You’re going to be wrapped around their little fingers, so it will be up to me to be the realistic one.” But even that makes you grin, knowing you’ll be just as over the moon about each of your babies as he will be. “Or at least I’ll have to try my hardest.”

“We will just have to balance spoiling them with making them understand respect and manners.” Marcus winks at you. “I think we will be pretty good at it.”

“I hope so.” With a shrug, you lean into Marcus’s side and place a kiss on his lips. “Do you want to bring the new TV in when you take the trash out and we can set it up tonight? Dinner will be ready in just a couple of minutes.”

“That sounds perfect.” Marcus sends you a mischievous look. “I’m going to sign out of all the streaming channels on the living room TV and change the passwords.” He chuckles.

A flash of pettiness flashes in the amusement on your face, and you nod in support of his plan. “We should move the DVD player, too. See how long she lasts before she can’t watch her Grey’s Anatomy and Sex and the City box sets.” If any small inconvenience is enough to drive her a little crazy, you’ll do it. At this point she more than deserves it.

______

Master Tags: @pixiedurango @chattychell @winter-fox-queen @lady-himbo @artsymaddie @princess76179 @paintballkid711 @missminkylove @pedrosbrat @ew-erin @sarahjkl82-blog @sharkbait77 @justanotherblonde23 @lv7867 @recklesswit @mylittlesenaar @f0rever15elf @gallowsjoker @steeevienicks @athalien @sherala007 @skvatnavle @thatpinkshirt @jaime1110 @girlimjusttryingtoreadfanfics @goodgriefitsawildworld @greeneyedblondie44 @katheriner1999 @littlemousedroid @harriedandharassed @churchill356 @ajathegreats-blog @hardc0rehaylz @beardsanddetectives @kirsteng42 @ladykatakuri

Starting Over: @spideysimpossiblegirl @inspiringmelodrama @pedrilf @thevoiceinyourheadx @goodgriefitsawildworld @badassbaker @rebel-fanfare @canadianmaebe @amneris21 @kulicny @nagassia @bruxasolta @elfwriter1088 @mrsparknuts @graciexmarvel @maryfanson  @what-iwish-you-knew​ @karlawithacapitalk​

My Masterlist!

[supernaturalgirl20]

Love to Hate You

Part 4

Pairings: Max Phillips x f!reader

Warnings: Smut 18+, explicit, unprotected sex, oral (both receiving), angst, mentions of drinking blood, cursing, enemies to lovers.

Summary: You and Max have been working together for the last year and there is only one thing you have in common - you both hate each other! Now you are both in competition with each other for Ted’s job. Who will win? Who will lose? Will you both realise that’s there’s a fine line between love and hate?

Co-written with @misspearly1 🥰

Comments and reblogs really appreciated ☺️

Part 3

Max couldn’t figure out what happened. In the minutes between gently getting out of bed, his eyes roaming the expanse of your naked body, admiring its softness while calling for takeout - you’d gone completely psycho.

It was like having whiplash. After months of this constant bickering - back and forth - you both finally gave into the physical attraction you’d had for each other. This raw, animalistic attraction and fuck if it wasn’t hot. The sex was amazing but the connection you both had, he’d never felt anything like it.

Now, you were ignoring him. Shooting daggers whenever you had the chance. Well if that’s how you wanna play it? Max fucking Phillips did not lose a moments thought over a fucking woman in his life, and he’s not about to start now.

Walking into the office Monday morning, having been ignored by you all weekend, unanswered calls and messages, he decided he would just fuck away his thoughts of you. There were plenty of other women in the office. He fixes his red tie and makes his way towards the new girls desk - Nyla Walkins.

She wasn’t as beautiful as you or as funny, and she certainly didn’t give him any lip either. He flirted with her and she blushed. How cute! He made her laugh and she twirled a piece of her hair between her fingers. This wasn’t nearly as fun as he thought it would be. Then, he sees you out of the corner of his eye and his heart stops. Well, you know - figuratively.

When he knew you were watching, he played into flirting with the newbie a little more - leaning in and whispering into her ear. He turns his gaze towards you then and you catch him off guard with the look on your face. It’s a mixture of anger and hurt? He tries desperately to hear your thoughts but you’ve blocked him out. Fuck!

You rush off and he quickly moves off the desk to follow you, leaving Laura? Maria? Who cares! Confused, he stops short at the door to your joint office space when he hears sniffles. Were you crying? Why was his chest feeling like it was caving in? He sees you wipe a stray tear and he knows that he has to fix this.

But how? I don’t even know what the fuck I’ve done wrong!

Max laments with his thoughts as he walks back to his desk. You’ve blocked him from yours, he can't figure out what is wrong with you and if he could just listen in, get a glimpse into that psycho, god damn sexy, brain of yours, he would know what to do and how to fix everything but that's just it. Yes, that’s it. He clicks his fingers with an idea.

That’s what he needs, to be able to hear your thoughts, and if you won’t let him listen in, he will listen in on someone else instead, someone that you trust here in the office. He just needs to figure out who. Lifting his head from where he had sunk it into the palm of his hands during his dilemma, Max looked across the floor to all of his co-workers and listened to all their thoughts one at a time.

Starting with Evan, I should say she looks beautiful. That’s what people do in relationships right? They say that sort of stuff. Max snickers to himself, mocking Evan as he thinks of a way to make small talk with Amanda, he enjoys watching him stutter and fail.

Moving his eyes over to Amanda now, he continues with his search for answers and listens in. Oh, I feel so bad for Y/N right now, I wish I could help her. A-ha! Max congratulates himself silently, I wonder who she is taking to the wedding. I should’ve yes to be her plus one, she needs a friend by her side to face her asshole of a Dad.

Max’s brows quirk with confusion, though he is intrigued to find out more about this wedding and this asshole father of yours, however, when he tunes out the chatter to listen in on Amanda’s thoughts again, she is - unbelievably- swooned with whatever Evan had said to her. Are you kidding me? He asks himself with a shallow scoff, how the fuck can you like that guy?

Shrugging it off, he moves on to the next, landing on Andrew and Mike staring at each other intensely in a contest. That five bucks is mine, Mikey. No one beats me in a staring contest. Andrew's thoughts are useless to Max, so he moves over to Mike instead. I wonder if he’ll hate me if he knew I hooked up with his sister last year. Yeah. He would. I hope Tim keeps his mouth shut, I didn’t mean to say it, it just slipped out.

Max found himself chuckling once again. I should do this more often, he smirked at learning a dirty secret about Mike, office drama is always fun. Turning his attention to Tim, Max hoped that he could shed some light on you, and maybe about Andrew’s sister, but more importantly about you, about your problem with him.

She’s so pretty. Narrowing his eyes at the man, Max followed his line of sight and saw him looking at you. Tim was looking at you, saying those words with his inner monologue. But she’s with the vampire. Max turned back with the words he heard, catching Tim quickly averting his gaze. Shit, he’s looking. Don’t think, la la la la la.

Max can feel himself getting frustrated because he is blocking him out too, he can’t be mad at Tim for thinking you’re pretty. You are pretty, stunning even and Max already knows what some of the guys think of the women in this office but the guys like Tim, Evan and Mike know that Max can listen to their thoughts. He needs to try someone else, someone who doesn’t know that he can listen in, maybe the newbies?

Nyla was no good, she was a real newbie, starting out only last week, she won’t know the ins and outs of the office just yet, so she certainly won’t know the gossip. The receptionist, Elizabeth, might know something considering she was currently chatting someone's ear off on the phone. Max tuned out the noise once again to listen in.

“Yeah, I heard Max kicked her out of his apartment after they had sex. It must have been bad.” The woman snickered and blew a bubble with her chewing gum. On the other end of the phone, another woman’s voice echoed through, “Really? I heard that she wasn’t impressed and ran out as fast as she could. I bet Elaine or Zabeth knows what really happened, Y/N talks to them more than us.”

Max had to remind himself of his task at hand, which was you, but right now he seethes with rage at the two women gossiping about you and him. I’ll deal with them later, his eye twitches as he moves over to Elaine and Zabeth sitting together in the break room, and their conversation is exactly what he was looking for.

“We should do something for Y/N, acting like she is okay will only work for so long. Maybe we could have a girls night out?” Elaine suggests, to which Zabeth retorted, “Maybe we should stake Max’s heart, he is the problem. Who calls an uber right after sex? Why would he get rid of her?”

The chair scrapes against the floor and Max stands with a heavy exhale. He knows exactly what he did wrong. Grabbing some files from his desk, he walks over to the break room and drops them onto the table in front of Elaine and Zabeth, cutting through their conversation.

“The files are to make it look like we’re talking work, okay?” He nods to the women, looking between them with determination in his eyes, “I know Y/N is looking at us right now, so hear me out and act like we’re talking work.”

They looked at each other first before returning the nod to Max and leaning forward, “Okay.”

“She thinks I called a cab, doesn’t she?” Max asked and judging from the pause from them, he shook his head defeatedly with a sigh, “I was calling Uber for their food service. To order takeout for her-” he stopped mid sentence to think about his next words. Turning his head ever so slightly, he caught you in his peripheral vision watching, wondering what he was saying to Zabeth and Elaine.

“Tell me more about this wedding that Y/N has to attend,” Max turned to face the two women with a question, “Help me fix this misunderstanding between me and her. I didn’t kick her out of my apartment. Y/N left because she thought I was calling a cab.”

Both of the women, yet again, looked at each other, contemplating whether they should help him out or not, but with a quick glance to your face over Max’s shoulder and seeing the hurt in your eyes, they knew what this would help and shook on the deal.

***

Your day’s in the office this week couldn’t have ended quick enough. All day, everyday, you had to face Max at every corner. Somewhere, at some point, he was just: there. You knew you couldn’t avoid him but you naively hoped you could avoid the pain that you get when seeing him.

What doesn’t help is seeing the receptionist gossiping about you on Monday. You know she was, and she plastered a fake smile on her face, waving you goodbye as you headed towards the elevator as if she hadn't been on the phone all day talking about you.

The days after that were a blur. Putting your work as your main focus, to keep you distracted from personal problems, you still had the bet with the vampire to uphold. The Company Directors position - it’s still your goal to achieve, still the job that is yours.

Call after call, sale after sale and paperwork after paperwork, you essentially drowned yourself in work and before you knew it, the weekend was here, however, your problems didn’t stop there either, they continued outside of work too. You still have to face your father and attend the wedding tomorrow evening.

Elaine, bless her heart, said she would be your plus one. You thanked her profusely for it, she knows about the friction between you and your dad, and she knows that you will need a friend there with you on saturday night.

After mulling over the details with her between your last few sales calls, the clock finally struck 5:30 and it was time to head home. Walking out with Elaine, the conversation about the wedding continued but was interrupted by Elizabeth at the front desk acting rather..strangely.

“Y/N, I need your time for a quick second, not that I deserve your time whatsoever, I have an ugly personality and I’m riddled with insecurities, haha,” she laughed genuinely, causing you and Elaine to share a brief concerned look with each other before she continued, “I had a delivery earlier that I couldn’t accept here at the office, so I sent it to your home address instead.”

“Okay..” Fidgeting with your fingers, you were still thrown off with what Elizabeth said about herself let alone the fact you had a delivery sent to the office. You appreciated her, somewhat, kinder approach to you, “thank you for letting me know, Elizabeth. Have a good weekend.”

“You got it,” she smiled in return, waving you and Elaine off as you headed towards the elevator. Her laugh was stuck in your mind. The way she laughed sounded genuine but it felt unreal, almost as if it was..forced. “Max,” you muttered to yourself, rolling your eyes.

“What’s wrong?” Elaine asked as the elevator descended to the parking level. Shaking your head, you told her not to worry about it and shrugged it off. That’s a Monday problem, right now - the weekend is yours. You have tonight to relax, tomorrow to be miserable with your father, then Sunday to relax again.

Exiting the elevator and walking towards your cars, you departed from Elaine with a wave, “See you tomorrow.” To which she returned, cheerily, “Bye, Y/N. See you tomorrow.”

Watching her car pull out of the parking space as you turned the key in the ignition, you saw Max’s empty car parked behind hers. You haven’t seen him all day today, thankfully, and you try not to let yourself think about why he is staying late, you just hope he isn’t trying to get ahead of you in this bet with the Directors position.

Pulling out of your space, you drove out of the parking garage and headed home, leaving your worries of Max and work behind in the rearview mirror.

Unbeknownst to you, Max had been watching you all day. Briefly stepping out of the office for an ‘errand’ to attend to, but certainly not before dealing with Elizabeth and her gossiping friend on the phone.

***

You’d made the most of your Friday night, relaxing in a hot bath and chilling on the couch. Today however - Saturday - you awoke stressed and anxious. Thoughts of the day ahead swimming in your mind. The delivery that Elizabeth was talking about was a dress from Max. Although it was beautiful, you couldn’t wear it. You wouldn’t give him the satisfaction so you decide to leave it by your front door, you’d give it back to him on Monday.

Finally dressed - and with the wedding only a couple hours away - you make your way into the kitchen to pour yourself a much needed glass of wine. Maybe three or four glasses. Finishing the first rather quickly, you were just about to pour a second when the doorbell rings.

What? You scoffed to yourself after looking at the time, “Elaine said she would meet me there.” The doorbell rings again and you call out to whoever was impatiently pressing the button, “Hang on. I’m coming.”

“Only if I'm the one to make you cum, toots,” Max cheered as you opened the door, a bunch of flowers in one hand, uber eats in the other and a cocky smile on his face. Oh, god. Not today, please. Shaking your head at the man, you push the door in his face but his shoe darts out, stopping it from shutting.

“Baby, wait,” Max popped his head inside, following you into your home, “I can explain.”

You turned quick, jabbing a finger into his chest, “I don’t want to hear anything you have to say. Take the flowers, the food, the dress, glamouring Elizabeth at work to say those awful things about herself and leave me alone.”

“Oh I could have done a lot worse to her, toots, you know that,” Max chuckled, his stance not faltering with your jabbing finger. He crooked an eyebrow, looking across your frustrated face, “Besides, you wouldn’t be saying that if you heard what she was saying about us.”

“There is no ‘us’ Max. Leave my apartment and leave my life,” Arguing your case and point, you stood straight with your arms crossed, adding emphasis to your feelings towards this matter. Although, he just stood there, wearing an incredibly sexy expensive suit, a warm remorseful smile to his face, a softness to his beautiful brown eyes with his arms open.

“Don’t you want to know? To hear my excuse?” He put the takeout down on the cabinet beside you then took a step closer, “it’s a pretty good excuse, baby. I promise.” Sighing, you shook your head while looking up into his eyes. They looked pained, looked real, like he was actually human.

“I didn’t call you a cab,” Max blurted before you snapped out of your trance. Snaking his arm around your waist, you gasped with the coldness of his touch, sending shivers through your body as his voice echoed through you, “I was calling Uber eats for you, toots. I wasn’t calling a cab. I was ordering take-out.”

Closing your eyes as his hand came up to cup the side of your face, the energy like fire between you both. Every subtle touch on your body like electricity, his breath fanning over your face lit every nerve in your body, the featherlight touch of his lips along yours - soft and sensual, he could take what he wanted and kiss you right now, but he doesn’t.

Max pressed his forehead to yours, keeping his lips seconds away from your own and waiting for you to answer him. If you were to decide to kick him out of your home even after he had told you the truth, then he would accept that and leave.

“You weren’t…you weren’t kicking me out? I thought..” Max looks at you now - his brown eyes alite with a tsunami of emotions - as if you were the only person in the world. “Toots, I know I’m an asshole but I lov..like you, a lot. Besides, we just had the best fucking sex I’ve ever had, I wasn’t about to kick you out.”

“Ok say I believe you, then why were you flirting with Nyla? You two seemed pretty cosy to me.” He’s smiling at you now with that devilish smirk he has and his hand tilts your chin so you can’t look away. “To make you jealous and it worked. So do you forgive me?”

He’s so close and the coolness of his hands are sending a spark through you. “Yes.” He smiles again and you feel the flutter of butterflies in your stomach. No one had ever had this effect on you. It can’t be love, can it? He leans in those last few inches and your lips meet in a soft kiss, one that quickly starts to become heated as he pushes you against the wall.

Pulling back, he takes a few short breaths - his eyes closed - as he tries to take back some self control. “What’s wrong Max?” He eyes shoot open and he looks at you like your dinner. “I want nothing more than to completely ruin you right now, but we have somewhere to be.”

You look at him now, slight confusion written on your face. “What..what do you mean?” He smiles at you then and moves to lift the box with the dress in it. “Toots, we have a wedding to go to and you need to change. As much as you look beautiful right now, this - he says thrusting the box into your hand - is gonna make you look like a fucking siren.”

“Ok, give me ten minutes,” you say before giving him a quick kiss. His hands grip your waist tight, “better hurry or we won’t make it outside this apartment.” He slaps your ass as you make your way into your room to change. Anxiety begins to swirl as you think about Max meeting your father. I hope he’s not put off by my family! Uh I can’t wait for this day to be over!

Part 5

Permanent tag list: @lunaserenade @anaaaispunk @maievdenoir @elinedjarin @seasonschange-butpeopledont @alberta-sunrise @dihra-vesa @pintsizemama @athalien @loserrlauraa @thorins-queen-of-erebor @pascal-rascal424 @ikinmahlen @pascalisthepunkest @dindjarinneedsahug @almaeunice @jediknight122 @prostitute-robot-from-the-future @colorlesswhispersunknown @stevie75 @rosie-posie08 @hauntedmama @greeneyedblondie44 @prettylilhalforc @giselatropicana @phoenixhalliwell @sherala007 @its--fandom--darling @donnaa @javierpinme @luxmundee @littlemisspascal @hayley-the-comet @ezras-channel-rat @misspearly1 @writer-darling @misspearlssideblog @sara-alonso

[tropes-and-tales-archives]

Silver Linings, Chapter Eight

Word Count:  2610

TW:  Frank discussion of domestic violence and injuries; talk of stalking.

AN:  Part of a series.  The series masterlist here.

Sometimes Amanda Rollins felt like the biggest fuck-up in SVU.  She’d gone through her fair share of rough patches with her gambling debts, and addiction, and issues with her sister.  In those times, she felt like a failure when compared to the cool competence of Liv or Fin, or even Nick, who punched his way into his fair share of avoidable problems.  

Other times, though, she felt like she was the only one who could see the obvious.  She knew everyone had blind spots.  Herself, she struggled with men in power.  She knew Nick struggled with victims of domestic violence.  Fin had a blind spot with gay victims, overcompensating with lingering guilt about how he handled his own son’s coming out.  The new guy, Carisi, seemed to struggle with cases involving the Catholic Church.  Liv had her own issues too.

But sometimes Amanda saw what everyone else missed.  Call it a hunch or the finely honed intuition of a seasoned detective who’d been through her own traumatic hell…like your blow-up in Barba’s office.  Barba had only seen an assistant losing her shit.  Liv had only smirked at Barba – there was probably some story there.

Amanda had seen it, clear as day.  She knew you a bit from her own cases that went through Callier.  You were always smiling and friendly and completely professional.  That day in Barba’s office, though, Amanda had seen your face twist, first in disbelief and then in anger.  

And it had been triggered by Barba’s flippant attitude about a domestic violence victim.

Amanda knew that such a sudden flare up of anger could only come from one place:  you’d obviously been in a similar situation.  Maybe it was a friend, or maybe you grew up with it.  Either way, neither Liv nor Barba saw it, so Amanda stayed back and tried to convince the ADA to go easy on you.

A few weeks later, Amanda was in Callier’s office for a possible case of rape in the third degree.  You greeted her and offered her coffee, and then offered her a seat until Callier was available.  You were back to your completely professional self, and Amanda looked you over.  

You looked, frankly, like shit.  You could probably fool other people, but Amanda noticed the little details.  Your smile didn’t reach your eyes.  Your jaw clenched and unclenched as you sat at your desk.  You rarely wore much makeup, but you had spackled concealer under your eyes, probably to cover dark circles.

Callier came out and led Amanda into her inner office, and they reviewed the evidence that Amanda had so far.  The young ADA seemed comfortable with the case and agreed that it could proceed, so she agreed to get a warrant for the suspect’s apartment.  Amanda wished it could always be that pleasant, dealing with the law side of the house.  Callier was no-nonsense and never smirked like Barba did.

On her way out, Amanda stopped by your desk.  You looked up and gave her a tired smile.

“Get everything you need?” you asked.

“Yeah,” Amanda replied.  “Rose is easy to deal with.”

You smiled at the implication – but then your face turned serious.  “I wanted to apologize for that day in Mr. Barba’s office.”  You shook your head.  “It was very unprofessional.”

Amanda waved you off.  “Don’t.  We all have bad days, and I’m always up for watching Barba get yelled at.”

“I shouldn’t have yelled.”

“He’s a big boy,” Amanda insisted.  “He can take it.  Besides, that woman flipped on her husband, so Barba was wrong.”  She looked at you.  “No one is beyond hope.”

“Maybe.”  You turned back to your computer.  “Good luck with your new case.”

-----

It was a few weeks later.  Amanda was covering the night shift with Fin, and it was quiet for a Friday.  Amaro was with his daughter who was visiting for the weekend, Carisi was studying for one final push before sitting for the bar, and Liv had been whisked off by Cassidy for some sort of reconnecting, romantic bullshit mini-vacation.  Amanda worked on CommStat reporting and pretended not to see Fin nodding off in his corner.

She was halfway through the shift when her phone rang.  It roused Fin from his dozing as she listened.  It was a sergeant with the 24th precinct.

“We have a strange situation,” the sergeant said.  “We’d like to send a potential victim over to you.”

Amanda’s ears pricked up at the term potential victim, but when the sergeant gave your name as the person he was sending over…her heart sank.

*****

Of all the emotions you’d felt in your life with Mark, the sudden calm that you felt now was new.  It wasn’t just calm either – it was an absolute stillness that had settled over your soul.  No anger or fear or sadness.  Just calm.

You had ended up at the SVU precinct.  Amanda had questioned you briefly, and then she got you a cup of tea that you let get stone-cold while she disappeared for a while.  She was probably calling Liv for instructions.

Then Detective Tutuola came into the room, followed close behind by Amanda.  He asked if you needed anything else, and you shook your head.  He settled into the seat by you, and Amanda sat across from you.  They asked you to walk they through everything.

You nodded, took a deep breath, and told your story.  Everything.

It was important in your mind to get it all down on paper.  You were convinced now that Mark was never going to let you go.  You’d hoped, a year ago, that time and distance would make him get bored with you and move on, but that wasn’t the case.

So you told the detectives your story, and you felt a sort of emptying when you did.  You told them how you started dating Mark in middle school, and how it had been fine for a while because you were young and didn’t know any better.  Dated through high school.  Dated when you both were accepted to Stanford.  Dated when you graduated and got accepted to Stanford Law, and when Mark failed out his junior year.

“By then, he was starting to be abusive,” you explained.  “But just verbally.  Mentally.  He estranged me from my friends and most of my family.  My mom loved him, thought he was the greatest guy ever.  My dad saw through him though.”

You told them how the physical abuse started soon after you got accepted to Stanford Law.  It was already a sticking point that you’d gotten your bachelor’s where Mark had failed out.  He took out his feelings of inadequacy with his hands – first just shoves and slaps, then fully curled fists.  

“I ended up dropping out before my final year,” you said with a sad shrug.  “It was too hard to keep up with class when I was always in the E.R. or nursing fresh injuries.  Another thing he took from me.”

You told them how Mark kept you cut off from the world.  He tracked your cell phone, kept tabs on your laptop. Refused to marry you – told you that he could always do better – but refused to cut you loose.  

He dealt you a concussion once, and it was the first time he knocked you unconscious.  You filed a police report after that.  Nothing came of it, so you finally had the courage to get a restraining order.  And you ran for the first time.

“It didn’t really work,” you explained.  “I was working for the California Innocence Project in San Diego.  He found me there.  Broke my arm.”

“Didn’t he get locked up for violating the restraining order?” Amanda broke in.

The smile you gave her dripped with bitterness.  “Mark is a cop.  Thin blue line.  Cops stick together, and Mark always had a story that people bought.  He’s charming and handsome.  I’m just the hysterical ex-girlfriend.  Broke my own arm to make him look bad, I guess.”

You explained how Mark followed you across California.  You were unwilling to travel too far, but when your father dropped dead from a massive coronary, you suddenly had no reason to stay.

“I went to Portland for a few months, then Chicago.  My suitemate from college had an in with the Manhattan District Attorney’s office, so I came here.”  You shrugged.  “I have half of a very good law degree, so I got the job.”

“Tell me about what’s been going on recently,” Tutuola said, and you took a deep, steadying breath.

Amanda and Tutuola listened as you explained the past month – hang ups from unlisted numbers, a few times when your apartment’s front door intercom went off.  How your restraining order expired and you couldn’t get it renewed.  How you got emails from burner addresses that said, simply, “I see you.”

“And there’s this,” you finally said.  You reached into your purse and pulled out a plain white envelope.  It looked like the address was typed across the front of it.

Amanda opened it and pulled out a piece of paper.  “It’s blank,” she said.  She held it to her nose, - it smelled like it had been soaked in cheap drugstore perfume.

You nodded.  “Yes, but do you smell it?”  You gave that bitter smile again.  “Mark hated the perfume I wore.  He wanted me to wear something more musky.  He bought me a bottle of the stuff he liked once, I told him I preferred something lighter.”  You paused.  “That was the first time he hit me.”

Amanda slid the blank paper back into the envelope while Tutuola made a note on his legal pad.  

“I know none of this proves anything,” you continued.  “I know the standard of proof is a preponderance of evidence.  Mark is clever.  I know it’s him but I can’t prove it, and I think that is half the game for him.  But this…” You tapped the envelope.  “This proved he knows where I live now.  It was in my mail box when I got home this evening.  It’s meant to send a message, but bringing it to the cops means nothing for a case.”

“We could pull evidence from your original case in California,” Amanda offered.  “Start building a new case…”

“No,” you shook your head.  “Half of the reports I filed on him were with his own department.  I bet they’ve been shredded.  He worked in our hometown’s police force and that’s where the real abuse started.  I was young and dumb and thought cops were good then.”  You looked at them.  “No offense.”

Tutuola waved you off.  “Don’t worry about it.”

“And the only person who ever truly believed I was being abused was my dad.  Who’s dead now.  Everyone else was charmed by Mark.  My own mom would probably tell you that I’m overreacting and that Mark was nothing but a perfect gentleman.  That I’m a klutz who’s given herself a concussion and a greenstick fracture.”

Amanda gazed at you a moment.  “We’ll figure something out.  I promise.”

You gave her a smile, but you could feel the tears threatening to fall.  “There’s nothing to figure out,” you told her.  You reached out and tapped on Tutuola’s notes.  “It’s just, if something happens to me, I want people to know.”  You swiped at your face, almost angrily, as one tear and then another rolled down the side of your nose.

“We’ll talk to the D.A.’s office,” Tutuola insisted.  “We protect our own here in New York, and that includes you.”

“Don’t bother,” you replied.  You stood up to leave.  “I never sat for the bar and even I could tell you that there’s no case.  But now you know.”  You swiped the heel of your hand against your eyes again, wiping away the tears.  

*****

Amanda tried to drive you home, but you only waved her off.  She was concerned about the situation in general, but you just seemed like you’d given up.  Aside from a few tears at the end of your interview, there was no emotion.  Just a flat-affect with some bitterness as you walked her and Fin through a veritable lifetime of trauma.

She sat and typed up her own notes with Fin’s, and then she thought about next steps.  You were probably right – there was no actual case since nothing could be proven.  Still…she logged into the FBI’s National Crime Information Center and searched on your ex’s name.

By the time Liv returned to work on Monday morning, a file folder was waiting on her desk for her, and it contained a lot more information than just SVU’s own notes.  There had been at least one person in your ex’s own police department looking out for you because everything was filed and available in NCIC.

*****

It was late Monday morning when Liv came striding into Rafael’s office.  He was just back himself from a meeting with McCoy, and he had only settled at his desk when Carmen announced his visitor.

“Liv,” he said, standing to greet her with a smile.  “What do you need?  Warrant, advice, or a legal miracle?”

“I’m good on warrants, so maybe the other two.”  She took off her coat and settled into the seat across from him, but she didn’t return his smile.  “I need advice first.”

“Okay….”  He drew out the word and sat back down.  He leaned back and kicked his feet up on his desk.  “Go ahead.”

“Theoretically speaking,” she started, and Rafael could see her choosing each word carefully.  “What legal recourse would a person have if they were a victim of domestic violence, had a period of quiet, and then started to experience harassment from their abuser?”  Rafael started to open his mouth, but Liv held up a quieting hand.  “And there’s no way to prove the current harassment?”

“Restraining order,” he said.  “It’s the best you can do, until proof of the harassment can be obtained.”  He looked at her a long moment.  “That was an easy question.  You take the long walk here just to ask that?”

“So there’s nothing else that can be done?”

He shook his head.  “Not in New York.”

“What if she had a restraining order in another state, and when it expired, she couldn’t renew here?”

He frowned.  “She should have been able to, depending on the judge she got.”

“She wasn’t able to.”

“This doesn’t sound theoretical anymore.”  He nodded at the file in Liv’s lap.  “You have a case?”

She hesitated.  “Yes and no.  No proof yet.  Just prior bad acts and…an interview with the complainant.”

He arched an eyebrow at this and she continued.  “Again, there’s no proof.  But she went to her local precinct to, quote ‘get information down on paper in case something happened to her.’  And the 24th went ahead and sent her to us.”

The 24th precinct was his own local police precinct.  Rafael’s interest was sufficiently piqued, and he held out a hand for the file.

Liv hesitated again as she held the file up.  “I’m only bringing it to you because you were the best option,” she said.  “O’Dwyer would slam the door on me for such a non-case.”  Another pause.  “And Callier is a conflict of interest.  You are too, I suppose, but desperate times…”

Rafael removed his crossed feet from his desk and surged forward to snatch the file out of Liv’s hand.  He didn’t even have to open it – your name, last name comma first name, was printed in Amanda’s recognizable scrawl across the file tab.  He felt his stomach sink, but he settled back in his seat and opened the folder.

[navalcriminalimagines]

Pairings: Rafael Barba x Reader, Sonny Carisi x Reader

Warnings: none?

Words: 4,511

Prompt: Rafael spent years keeping his feelings for you hiding.

Missed shot

When Rafael Barba started to work with Manhattan’s SVU, you’d been a detective there for almost two years. You joined the squad shortly before Stabler left. You saw Nick Amaro and Amanda Rollins joining in too. At first, Cragen partnered you with Amanda, and Olivia with Nick, but considering it wasn’t working between Liv and Nick, changes were made, and Nick became your partner.

You two quickly became close, like a brother-sister relationship. He told you about his issues with Maria, you were the first (and only one) to know when him and Amanda became a thing. So, obviously, you told him your secret.

“This is Tomas,” you told Nick, as you were showing him a picture of an 8-year-old boy. “My son,” you added. “Don’t bother counting, I did give birth to him when I was 17.”

“He’s cute. Looks a lot like you,” Nick smiled at you. “Nobody in the squad know?” he asked.

“Cragen does. But he’s our Captain and it’s in my file. But the rest, nope,”

“Why not?”

You told him more about your debut in the police. At first, you did hide the fact that you were a mom. But you quickly realized that your coworkers and others were judging you. People took you as immature, non-serious, and some guy actually pictured you as an easy girl. You hated every second of your debut. So, when you joined the bomb squad, you decided to make your son a secret. It’s much better this way.

Olivia learned about your son when she took Cragen’s place. A part of her was surprised, but another wasn’t. She saw you with kids, you do have that mother instinct. And of course, she promised that nobody would know about Tom.

Working with the SVU squad wasn’t an evidence for Rafael Barba. Nick gave him hard time for no apparent reasons, Amanda wasn’t a fan of him. Fin didn’t care much. But luckily, Olivia welcomed him nicely and then there was you. You were sweet to him, kind. You asked him if you whether call him “Rafael” or “Barba” – “Your choice,” he answered. You ask him how he’s doing every time you see him. You usually bring him a coffee when you stopped by his office.

You’re nice, gorgeous, young, smart, badass… it didn’t take long for Rafael to get interested in you. More than just as coworker. But this couldn’t be happening, so he started to stay away from you as much as possible. At first, it was easy since Rafael only sees you as a detective. He doesn’t know anything about you outside of the office, only that you have Swedish origins from your father. He doesn’t want to know more. He doesn’t need to.

But despite himself, he overheard conversations between you and Nick every now and then. When the name “Tom” came back multiple times, Rafael assumed you had a boyfriend. Good. This should make things easier.

For two years working together, you and Rafael had a normal work relationship. He kept his crush under-wrap, seeing people every now and then, when the thought of you was too much. Sometimes it was one-night stands, sometimes a bit more. But he never kept seeing the same person for more than two months. That’s when people want to make things more permanent. Rafael doesn’t want that.

Keeping you at arm’s length was perfect for him. He couldn’t let you in. He wasn’t open for a serious relationship, and he felt like you could turn his world upside down if he let you in.

He almost did when Nick got shot. You were very worried for your partner, Rafael almost hugged you when you started to cry in front of him. But Liv called at the same point, so he didn’t. And then Nick left SVU, and New York. His departure hurt you a lot, for a moment, Rafael thought you two had some kind of an intimate relationship. But he remembered a conversation you two had.

“Hey Barba, we’re going out for drinks. Wanna join?” you casually asked.

“What’s the occasion?”

“Okay, first, do you need an occasion to go out for drinks? And second, it’s just that Nick needs to get his mind off the breakup,”

“So, it’s definitely over between him and his wife?”

“Yeah, she’s moving to DC with Zara. He’s not doing great,”

“But he can always count on his other partner,” Rafael said, without thinking.

You chuckled, “What does that mean?”

“You two are—close,” Hopefully, it didn’t sound like jealousy. Which it actually was.

“Amanda is the one he slept with, not me. I’d rather sleep with you,” you left right after.

This was months ago, but Rafael still couldn’t believe you said that. He tried not to overthink about it, but he couldn’t. Was this just a joke? Were you just trying to prove a point? Or did you see him as more than just a coworker? He considered trying to explore this, but before he found the courage to do something about it, Sonny Carisi joined the squad and became your partner.

You missed Nick a lot, but you welcomed Sonny with open arms, unlike the others at first. He will forever be thankful about that. It didn’t take long for Rafael to see that you had a bond with Sonny, just like the bond you had with Nick. Maybe more. Liv told him a few times that being partners when you’re a cop is very special. He understands that, but it doesn’t he likes it when it comes to you.

Few months after Sonny join in, Rafael heard the name Tom again. You must have to Sonny about your boyfriend. Since he didn’t hear that name for months, he assumed that you two had broken up. But apparently not. Meaning that there’s nothing romantic with Carisi, but you still have a boyfriend. So, Rafael tried to forget what you told him and kept trying to convince himself that what he’s feeling for you isn’t love.

More months went by. It was obvious for Rafael that Carisi had a thing for you. He didn’t like it, but there’s nothing he can do. But he kept turning down all of your offers when the squad met up for drinks. He didn’t need that. He didn’t want to know the you outside work.

One day, he showed up to the precinct. No one was nowhere to be find. He spotted a gift wrapped on your desk. Curious, he took a closer look. There was a card. He looked around, still no one. So, he tried to take a look at the card.

“That’s very noisy of you, counselor,” he heard for behind. You. He jumped from the surprise, let go of the card.

“A box on a detective’s desk. Had to be sure it wasn’t a bomb,” he said, trying to keep a straight face. You laughed at his excuse.

“Would love to see your reaction if you saw a bomb,” you said, with a smile on your face. Apparently, you aren’t mad, so that’s good.

“I’d rather not,” he shyly smiled at you. “What would your reaction be?”

“Considering that I’ve been there before, I would keep my calm and do my best to defuse it,” you said before walking to the coffee area. Rafael analyzed your words for a moment before joining you.

“Come again?”

“Spent two years with the bomb squad before joining SVU,” you casually said, handing him the cup of coffee you just poured.

In four years, this was the first personal information you gave him. He almost couldn’t believe it.

“I—I didn’t know,”

“Well, yeah. We never talked about anything else than our cases,”

“True,” he took a sip. “And why would that be? In your opinion,”

“Because you don’t like me,”

You had poured another cup for yourself and walked up straight to your desk after those words. You sat, grabbed the gift to put it aside and started to look at something on your computer. Rafael was stunned for a moment but joined you again. He closed your laptop, and leaned against your desk, right next to you. He had never been this physically close to you before.

“Why in the world would you think that?” He asked.

“We’ve been working together for four years, Barba. Not once, did you show some kind of interest in me. You’re best friends with Liv, you tolerate Amanda, you’re courteous with Fin. Hell, you gave hard time to Sonny for the first year but now you agreed for him to shadow you. But me? I feel like you wish I wasn’t here,”

Rafael stayed silent for a moment, analyzing your words. Indeed, he tried to keep his distance with you, but he never thought it made you feel that way. He felt very bad about himself.

“But hey, no problem, okay? We’ve been able to make it work that way for years, there’s no reasons we can’t keep going,”

“You’re very wrong—about everything, Y/N.”

“Then what is it?” You locked your sweet blue eyes into his. For a moment, he was afraid you may see all the love he has for you in his eyes. What reasonable excuse could he tell you? His mind raced. But thankfully, the rest of the squad came back at that moment.

“Barba, Y/N. Are you interrupting?” Rollins smiled.

“Nope,” Rafael stood up right and followed Liv into her office. You watched him leave. No answer. Again.

The gift was actually from Sonny, but it wasn’t for you. It’s for Tomas, who’s now 13 years old. The father left when you told him you were pregnant (he was a bit older) and never saw him again. You raised Tom by yourself, with the full support of your parents, luckily. Your son showed up his interest in makeup and esthetic about a year ago. You completely support him in his passion, brought him whatever he needed/wanted.

Sonny went shopping with his 16 years old niece Mia during the weekend and she wanted to go to the Sephora. He asked her what he could offer to Tomas.

“Uncle Sonny. Are you trying to seduce the mother by being so nice to the son?” Mia asked with a smirk on her face.

“Okay, first, I wouldn’t need to do that. And second, it’s just that—it’s not easy to be different. I just want him to know that he can count on me,”

“Like you wished you could count on someone when you realized you were bisexual?”

Sonny looked at his niece with wide eyes. He still isn’t out to his family. How could she know? “Last year, I figured that this Sam you talked about wasn’t a she but a he. And--I’m bi, too, Uncle Sonny.”

That’s a lot to process in two minutes, while he is standing in the middle of a makeup store.

“There’s nothing wrong with that…right?” Mia added.

“Oh, of course not, sweetheart!” He immediately answered. “When did you know?”

“I was sure when I fell in love with a girl, a few months ago,” she confessed.

Sonny hugged his niece and kissed her hair. “What’s her name? I’d love to meet her,”

“Joy. And that would be nice. I’m so happy I finally told you,”

“I’ll never judge you. And I’ll always be there for you,”

In the squad, you were the only one Sonny came out to. Which makes the two of you even closer.

After the gift “incident”, you and Rafael didn’t talk again for weeks. To be fair, he was trying to avoid you. He almost confessed his feelings for you and that can’t be happening. After this, Rafael decided to call back a woman he used to see. She’s beautiful, smart, nice and wants the same things he does. Exactly what he needs.

He never wanted to talk about his personal life at work, but one day, you showed up in his office. Rafael was on the phone, his back to the door. He didn’t hear you come in, so he kept making plans with Judith. You listened, and felt your chest tightened.

Before he hung up, Rafael heard the door of his office closing. He turned around; nobody was there but he saw you walking out through the blinds. You had heard and walked away.

When Rafael told you, you were wrong about your assumptions, you thought that maybe he was feeling the same way you did. Turns out, you were wrong.

It was Tom’s 14th birthday. You helped him planned an afternoon party. He told you he invited about 10 friends.

But no one showed up. Your son didn’t feel ashamed about his passion - thanks to you and Sonny, mostly - but apparently, his “friends” didn’t like it.

“Baby, why didn’t you tell me they were bullying you? On Monday I’ll go see your principal,”

“Exactly for this. If you do this, it’s gonna be worse. Maybe I should stop,”

“Stop what? Doing something you like? Not under my watch, T. Those kids are just the reflections of their close-minded parents,”

“Yeah, but at least people show up to their birthday parties,”

It broke your heart to see your son like this. You needed to fix this. You need to see your son happy. All day, every day. You went to the bathroom and called Sonny.

“Sonny, I need you,” you said when he answered. “Short things first, those stupid kids didn’t show up to T’s party. There’s no one here. Can you come? With Mia? And Joy? I’m gonna call Liv, see if she can come with Noah,”

“I’m with Mike right now so he’ll be with me. Call Fin too, we’ll stop by Amanda’s to pick her and Jesse,”

“Okay, that’s great, thanks Sonny,”

“Of course. Tom will remember his 14th birthday I promise. Why don’t you call Barba too?”

“Why in the world would I do that?”

“It would be rude not to. Don’t you think?”

“I guess. I’ll see. Can you be there in about an hour?”

You call Liv and she agreed, same for Fin. But Sonny was right, you had to call Rafael.

“Barba,” he answered.

“Hey, it’s Y/N. Sorry to bother you on Saturday afternoon. Um—if you aren’t busy, what do you think about stopping by my son’s birthday? It’s kinda unfair, but stupid kids didn’t show up. I call everyone, they’re all coming. But hey, don’t feel obligated. You don’t have to if you don’t—“

“Okay,” he answered before you could finish your monologue.

“Okay?” You repeated.

“Yeah. When should I be there? And how old is he?”

“I said an hour to everyone. And if you’re asking his age to buy him a gift, don’t bother. Right now, all he needs is people to be there to celebrate,”

“Y/N, don’t make me argue please. How old is your son?”

“14.”

“Okay, thanks. See you in an hour then. Text me the address, please,”

“See you, Rafael,”

Rafael tried to stay calm and natural in front of Judith, but there were some many things in his head right now. Since he went to the bedroom to answer your call, he lied to the woman he was with, pretending a work emergency to leave.

You have a kid. A teenage kid, actually. A quick count made him realized you gave birth when you were 17. Many things made sense now. He needs confirmation but it seems clear that, this Tom he heard about, is actually your son, and not your boyfriend like he assumed.

How could he not know about this? You’ve been working together for almost five years now. He really kept his distance with you. But somehow, he still fell hard for you.

“Hey Liv, I got a call from Y/N. I’d like to buy a little something for her son, do you have any idea?”

“Well, do you know anything about makeup?”

“I beg your pardon?”

Liv laughed. “Where are you? I can pick you up and we stop by a store to buy him something,”

“Okay, I trust you on that.”

An hour later, everybody was there. You welcomed them as they arrived. “If he doesn’t like it, that’s on Liv,” Rafael joked as he handed you the gift he had for your son.

“Nope. That’s on that sells woman that was clearly hitting on you,” Liv interjected.

“She wasn’t— okay, she was. But not my type,”

“Yeah, and Judith probably wouldn’t like it,”

“I don’t know about that. And she doesn’t need to know anyway,” he smiled.

Tom’s mood improved when he saw Mia and Joy. You and Sonny introduced them months ago and Tomas is crazy about them.

“What happened to your face?” Mia asked and Tom frowned. “No makeup, seriously T?” She added, before taking him by the hand.

“Wait—“ you stopped them before they reached the bedroom. “Tomas, meet Mike and Rafael, first. They are the only ones you haven’t met yet,”

It made sense that Tom hadn’t met Mike yet, since he joined SVU a couple of months ago. But yeah, it stings to Rafael. Five years. And he didn’t know.

“You look like a cop,” he said Mike, “but you don’t,” he then said to Rafael.

“Cause I’m not. I’m an ADA, Assistant Dis—“

“I know what it is,” he cut him. “Thank you for coming,”

“Can we do his makeup now?” Mia called out and the three of them — adding Jesse who wanted to go too — disappeared in the bedroom for a moment.

“Thanks, guys, for showing up this quick. It’s a mess,” you sadly said. “T told me that he’s being bullied at school because he loves makeup, lets his hair grow. Apparently, they are calling him a sissy,” your jaw clenched. Rafael saw the mama bear in you. “He doesn’t want me to interfere. But maybe I should anyway,”

“You’re here for him. We all are, that’s what he needs,” Sonny said, wrapping his arm around your shoulders to bring you comfort. Rafael tried to avoid the jealousy in his belly.

Opening gifts arrived fast. Everyone brought him something, mostly makeup stuff. Sonny actually got him an appointment in a famous hair salon in Manhattan. Now that his hair is long enough, Tom mentioned wanting to get a real haircut. Mike listened to Sonny’s advices for his gift.

“This is from Nick,” Liv said as she gave Tom a gift. “He wants you to call later,”

“Mom!! That’s two tickets for California!” Tomas exclaimed before reading the note. “And he’s offering me surfing lessons! When are we going? Before—“

“Soon, my love.” You said before he could finish his sentence.

Then came Rafael’s gift. “You can return it if you don’t like,” he said. But Tom’s face lit up when he saw what it was.

“Mom!!!” He showed you the gift, with a huge grin on his face.

“Wow! You finally got it,” you returned his smile and moved a little to stand by Rafael’s side.

“Thank you so much, Rafael!” Tom stood up and hugged the ADA. Some affection Rafael didn’t expect.

“He’s been bugging me for this palette for weeks. I told him to wait because it’s damn expensive,” you whispered to Rafael.

“It’s okay. I’m glad he likes it,” he just answered.

Tomas was thrilled with all of his gifts. It feels good that with those people, he doesn’t have to hide himself, who he is and what he loves. Later, you noticed that Rafael setback from the others. You stood next to him.

“You’re not mad about the gift, are you?” He asked, before you could say anything.

“A little, to be honest,”

“I can pay for that,”

“I know. I see your clothes every day. But that’s not the point,”

“Then what is the point?”

“For the first five years of his life, I couldn’t buy him things. All the toys he had were gifts from my parents— when I made better money, I spoiled him. For years. And now, he’s a very smart teenage boy but he doesn’t necessarily have the value of money. Which I’m trying to teach him. And you showed up with this hella expensive palette, Nick got him plane tickets and surfing lessons. Even the appointment Sonny got him is expensive. That’s not helping,”

“Great,” he smiled, and you shot him a glare, “you’re not actually mad at me, but more at yourself,”

“Don’t do this. You’re not a parent, Rafael,”

“Indeed,” he took a deep breath, “And how come did I do not know you were one?”

“This will just bring us back to our convo from February, don’t you think? And we both know how it ended,”

“We were interrupted,”

“And you’ve been avoiding me ever since,”

So, you noticed that. You always noticed things. He hates that about you. He intensely looked at you, not knowing what to say exactly.

“But don’t worry, Barba, you won’t have to use force for that anymore,” you gently patted his shoulder and joined the others. “My love, do you mind if I steal your thunder for a moment?” You asked your son.

“Nope. Are you going to tell them?”

You looked at Liv for approval and signed Rafael to come closer, which he did. Everybody waited for you to talk. “I—I’m leaving SVU,” you said. There were gasps, widen eyes and Sonny choked on his beer. “Don’t die yet, Sonny. I haven’t finished,” you paused. “It’s no secret that my father was born in Sweden and move here after he fell in love with my mum,”

That, Rafael did know. You talked about your Swedish origins. “After my mum died, my father moved back there. And he’s been bugging us to come with him and considering I’ve always promised this one,” you said, playing with Austin’s hair, “that we would try to live there for a while, I’m actually taking a sabbatical. And next month, we’re flying to Sweden. But we’ll stop by California first, apparently,”

Only Liv knew. So, it came as a shock to everyone else.

The mood changed after that. They were all happy but also sad to see you and Tom leave. Mostly Sonny. It was very rare to witness a silent Sonny Carisi, but this was it. One by one, people started to leave the party. Mia and Joy took your son to the bowling alley. Rafael wanted to be the last so he could have a talk with you, but apparently, Sonny had the same thing in mind.

Rafael was helping you cleaning up the apartment when you noticed Sonny, on your small balcony. “How long has he been there?” You asked Rafael, who just raised his shoulders, clearly annoyed. You joined Sonny, not knowing that Rafael could hear everything you two were talking about.

“You okay there, Sonshine?” Sonny chuckled.

“A bit stunned, I guess.” He said, not looking at you.

“Yeah, I’m sorry. I—I was afraid to tell you,”

“Why?”

“Because of what happened a few months ago. Because I’m scared to leave you. Because—I was afraid to change my mind after I told you,”

He finally looked at you. “I’ll never hold you back, Y/N. You know that? You talk so much about Sweden, so does Tom. I’m not completely surprised,”

“Under different circumstances—“ you said, letting the silence says the rest. Sonny turned to his side, so he was facing you.

“I was okay with being your second choice, Y/N, as long as you chose me. But you’re also leaving to be away from him, aren’t you?”

You nodded. “I don’t want to promise you anything, Sonny. But maybe—after that year away—“

He knew what you meant. Sonny put his hand on your cheek, softly caressing your skin with his thumb. Before he could lean in to kiss you, you both heard the balcony window opening. Rafael was standing there. “Who’s your first choice, Y/N?” He just asked. Sonny loudly sighed and turned his back to the lawyer.

“Not important, Rafael.”

“Por favor— answer me.”

“You, idiot,” Sonny muttered, still looking over Manhattan.

“Can—can you come inside for a moment, please?” Rafael asked.

“Don’t worry, I’m leaving,” Sonny said, and turned around to kiss your forehead, “Don’t make anything stupid. Call me,” he kissed your forehead again and walked past Rafael to leave.

“Great timing, Barba,” you sighed.

“I—I don’t understand,” he struggled to say.

“You may be a smart-ass lawyer but when it comes to relationships, you’re very dumb,”

“How long have you—?”

“Been in love with you? About three years. Somehow, the more you pushed me away, the more it made me fall,”

“I pushed you away only because I was scared. Scared of the things I feel for you,”

“You can’t—you can’t confess your love to me as I’m leaving the States, Rafael. That’s not fair,”

“If I don’t do it now, when am I supposed to do it? Over the phone while you’re in Sweden? Or when you come back and choose Carisi?” He paused. “Did you guys sleep together or something?”

“Definitely none of your business,” you said. “And you had five years. Five fucking years, during which all you did was making me feel like a burden for you,”

“I—I never meant to do that. I’m sorry,”

“It’s too late, Rafael. I’m leaving anyway,”

“I’ll wait for you if you ask me to,”

“I’m not. Just like I won’t ask that to Sonny,”

“Then—what? What do we do?”

“Nothing. I’m leaving with my boy in a few weeks, maybe I’ll come back next year, or maybe I won’t. And everybody goes on with their life,”

“Are you saying that I missed my shot with you?”

“Probably,”

This will be hard to swallow. Rafael probably never will, to be honest. But one thing is sure, he couldn’t miss his last chance to kiss you. He closed the gap between your bodies, and slowly put his hands on each side of your face. Since you weren’t pushing him away, he took it as a permission and leaned in to kiss you. He softly put his lips on yours. Right here, right now, on your balcony, nothing else mattered but you and him.

Things escalated quickly. The kiss got more intense, and you used force to make him step back into your apartment. Still kissing each other, Rafael slid his hands on your butt and your legs, gently squeezing to signal you to jump in his arms, which you did. He pulled away briefly, just to ask you which one was your bedroom.

He laid you down on the bed, clothes quickly fly across the room. This probably wouldn’t change a thing, but Rafael made love to you as if his life depends on it.

Indeed, it didn’t change a thing. Two weeks later, you and Tomas flew to California, spent two weeks there with Nick, before flying to Sweden.

Part two, anyone?

[spexialvixtimxunit]

Vacation Weekend

HAPPY 150 FOLLOWERS

Pairing: Olivia Benson x Female!Reader

Warnings: Fluff to smut, slight BDD (body dysmorphic disorder) slight orgasm denial, fingering, Oral sex, tribadism, slight profanity, praise kink, thigh riding, slight dom/sub-activity, a bit of angst if you use a magnifying glass ;)

Prompt- “You can tell me anything.”

Length: Long

Word Count: 2.1K :D

I went to a hotel for the weekend before Mother's day and I had so much fun! I also posted this on the day of my birthday so happy birthday to me :D

Here is my MASTERLIST

*there might be errors, I don’t proofread my work :)

Hot mama 🥵

-

“I hope we have a big bed.” You said while Olivia unlocked your hotel door.

You both agreed that time off from work is very much needed for the weekend and so you booked a staycation for the weekend. It was around Noah’s bedtime when you left for the hotel. You dropped him off at Amanda’s early that afternoon after school ended.

Olivia opened the door to a medium-sized room with one bed and one bathroom. “This is– Wow.” You said while placing your suitcase down. You took a moment to take in the beautiful room.

“Well, do you like it?” Olivia asked cheerfully. You smiled and nodded yes. You sat down in the bed letting out a sigh. “I needed this,” you stated while looking at Olivia, who was agreeing. Your face turned from excited to worried.

“I hope the kids are alright. Do you think I should call Amanda or Sonny? You know just to check up on them.” You frantically rambled. Olivia came over to you as you started to overthink things.

“The kids are fine. Noah is a big boy now and Kalani is 5 months. She has Noah to protect her. Plus she can’t really do much.” Olivia said with a slight smile on her face, making you feel a bit better.

You sigh. “Sometimes I worry myself because I’m new at this whole baby thing. I meet you when Noah wasn’t a baby so I get kind of anxious leaving my baby at home by herself.”

Olivia laughed a bit. “I know that it’s hard being a new mom because it was hard for me when I first adopted Noah he was a baby and sometimes I just wanted to stay at home all the time.” She let out a chuckled.

She walked over to the bed towards you, standing in front of you in the bed, kneeling to your level. “I wanted to spoil you this weekend because you deserve it for being the best Mom any kids could wish for.” She cupped your cheeks in her hands as her words comforted you.

You released a smile on your face, feeling a bit better taking the weekend off. “Don't worry about the kids, they will be fine and I'm sure that they are having fun with Jessie and Billie.” You nodded with a weak smile.

She smiled back and kissed your lips. It was dragged out but you could feel the passion radiating from her aura. The kiss was passionate, giving off a euphoric feeling. You could tell that Olivia wanted you to see how much she cared about you.

You slowly laid down on the bed with her on top of you, not breaking the kiss yet. She pulled away, “Are you sure you want this?” She asked, wanting to get your consent before continuing. You froze.

“What’s wrong?” She questioned you, noticing your sudden sign of discomfort. You fidgeted with your hands a bit, avoiding her gaze. “You can tell me anything.” Olivia said while picking herself up from on top of you, allowing you both to sit up.

“It just that... I don't like the way I look after having Kalani. And I guess I’m scared that it’s not the same from before and you won’t like it.” Olivia looked at you stunned.

“R/n you are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met and I am so glad I took the chance to marry you. I don’t care how you think you look but you will always look stunning in my eyes and right now I want to devour you.”

Your eyes widened, “W-What?” You let out a nervous laugh. She nodded. “I wasn’t kidding, I was fighting the urge not to pull over on the side of the road and tell you how I feel.”

You were taken back at Olivia’s sudden passions about you. “I have always loved your body before and after the baby and to be honest you made me fall in love with you even harder after having Kalani.” Olivia expressed.

“Really?” you questioned. She nodded. “If you don't mind, would you like for me to show you how much I love your body?”

You hesitated a bit before nodded. Olivia told you to stand up and she guided you to sit on her lap. Your back was facing towards her so you couldn't see her eyes.

“I love your shoulders, they're not too large but not too small, just right.” She placed her hands on your shoulders massaging them softly, making you let out a sigh. “You’re so tense.” She rubbed her hands on your sides up and down.

“Your neck is pretty too.” Olivia peppered kisses on your neck, occasionally sucking. You throw your head back on Olivia’s shoulder. This left shivers down your spine, feeling the pleasure coursing through your body. “And how could I forget about your beautiful breast?”

Olivia slowly crept her hands under your shirt, cupping your breast, fondling them softly as you released soft moans. She continued the assault on your neck as put her hands to work. “I want you to cum for me.” Olivia whispered softly in Your ear. All of this simple foreplay got you riled up.

“Please, Olivia~” you moaned out. Olivia smirked as she lifted you up bridal style and placed you down on the bed. “Are you sure you want to continue?” She asked once more before continuing. You nodded your head. Olivia stood at the bottom of the bed with her arms crossed and her face slightly frowning.

“You can't get what you want if you don't say it~” She said with a devilish smirk plastered on her face. “Yes! I want you to fuck me!” You pleaded. “Mhm. That's my good girl.” She took your shirt, bra, and pants off along with your underwear.

“Look how wet you are. I haven’t even touched you yet~” Olivia hovered over your heated body. She stripped her clothes off of her body, leaving you both raw. She placed slow kisses down your body, letting her hands trace your curves.

Olivia planted gentle kisses on your neck once more while her cold fingers toyed with your breast, drawing circles around your nipples. Delicate moans spilled out of your lips, reacting to the pleasure that was currently placed upon you.

“Please Olivia, I want you to touch me.” you begged, wanting the feeling of Olivia on you. “You asked and you shall receive~” Olivia lifted your leg up, pulling it up to her shoulder while sucking your thighs.

Simple touches like that could send you over the edge. Olivia finally made it to your pool of arousal, circling her tongue around your clit while her hands clenched your thighs. Olivia replaced her tongue with her thumb and plunged her tongue in your heat, pulling moans out of your mouth.

Improper noises filled the air as she filled your body with pleasure. Your body began to feel your body tremble. “Aw my love, let it go~ Cum on my face.” she edge you on as you could feel your body come undone.

You were about to cum but then Olivia moved away from your area. “What the hell..” you said in a bit of a daze. Olivia positioned herself onto your clit with your leg over her shoulder. “Now I want you to cum~” She whispered in your ear as grinded her clit against yours.

You threw your head back in pleasure as Olivia bucked her hips back and forth, releasing deep groans from her mouth, making you go feral. Olivia moaned out your name as she picked up the pace. “Oh... My love I'm going to cum, please cum with me~”

Olivia bucked her hips back and forth feeling the friction of both of your clits. “Olivia... I-” you let out as your body shook. You gasped as you felt yourself release. Olivia soon released right after, throwing her head back, letting out a breathy groan.

“Oh my god. You feel so good against me~” Olivia smirked as she can see a string of fluid as she pushed herself off of you. “I enjoyed that a lot. Did that feel good my love?” She asked as pulled you close to her body. You could even from words as you were still in some sort of daze. Olivia laughed at bit.

“Come on. Let’s go and get cleaned up.” She muttered while cuddling and kissing the nape of your shoulder. “I don’t want to. I’m too sleepy.” you mumbled sluggishly. “Please~ Then we can go to bed.” You smirked and turned and faced her way.

You quickly straddling her waist. “Maybe I should treat you to something good, hm? How does that sound Darling?~” You leaned down placing kisses in her breast. Olivia let out soft groan while placing her hand in your head, pulling you close.

“I want to ride your thigh.” You said while adjusting yourself on her thigh. She sat up and positioned herself she that she could get you comfortable. “Be a good girl and cum on my thigh.” you nodded as you started to move your his back and forth.

Soft moan spilled out of your mouth as the wave of pleasure washed over your body. Olivia gripped your hips, guiding your hips in a rhythmic motion. She peppered kisses on your neck as you hugged her as you bucked your hips back and forth.

You felt your body shake as your orgasm washed over you. “Good girl, you did a great job~” Olivia praised you as you caught your breath. She picked your exhausted body up bridal style and placed you on the bed. She walked into the bathroom and cleaned herself off, putting pajamas on.

She came back into the room to clean you off. She walked in with a warm soaked cloth. She looked at you a bit shocked as you already fell asleep. She smiled at your cuteness and cleaned you off before putting a fresh set of pajamas on you. Olivia cuddled up next to pulling you close. “Good night my love.” She pecked a kiss on your forehead.

-

The bright light of the morning sun shined through the small opening of the curtains as it lit darkroom. Olivia shuffled in the bed, trying to adjust to the light of the moring sun that woke up the room. She looked over in your direction.

Olivia looked at your features a bit before smiling "You know if you wanted to look at me, you could have just asked." You said with a smirk on your face. Olivia laughed at your snarky remark. She leaned in to kiss you but you put your hand over her lips.

"Nope, you have to wait for that kiss darling, I have morning breath." you said while getting up talking to the bathroom. Olivia came up behind you, wrapping her arms around your waist. "Oh please, I ate you out last night, I can't get one kiss?" You scofted. "Not until I brush my teeth 'Livia." you said trying to hold back a laugh.

"Maybe this will change your mind." She whispered in your ear. She picked you up bridal style and threw you on the bed. You shrieked when you hit the bed. Olivia let out a laugh. She smirked as she pulled you close and kissed your lips softly.

You wrapped your arms around Olivia's neck and your legs around her waist. "I love you." You said in between kisses. "Show me~ How much do you really love me?" She said while hovering over you with hooded eyes. You smirked. "Let me show you then."

You pulled her on the bed, letting her lay there. She smirked. You pulled her panties off. You traced your tongue around her clit, hearing her moan out your name. You continued with this pattern, slightly picking up the pace, occasionally plunging your tongue inside of her area.

"Oh my love... I'm going to cum, please make me cum." Olivia said while holding your head close to her area. She bucked her hips back and forth to get some friction. You used your index finger and rolled it around her clit as you shoved your tongue in her at a fast pace.

Olivia's body shook as she came. She let out a groan as she let go of your head. "Mmm~ I guess you really love me huh?" You lifted your head up and smirked. You leaned in and kissed her lips making her taste herself. "I love eating you out~" You said as you laughed at her. "Mhm, same for me." She said with a smile on her face.

-

If you enjoyed this it, give it a heart and reblog!