#I woke up from a weird dream I have been having weird dreams for the past week or so
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hiii I wanna tell my story to someone so here it goes.
I've been listening to subs, affirming and persisting for a while in entering the void and going to my better CR but I got to the point where I need to be there before next Saturday.
I've been doing a sunni method meditation (for shifting) with some subliminals layered in the background, since I got a lucid dream in the first try. Sometimes I did it complete, sometimes i forgot, and sometimes I fell asleep halfway through but nothing seemed to happen, other than very vivid dreams.
Last night, however, I put my meditation with my subs but I was too tired so I kept zoning out and it was so hard to focus on the instructions, until I fell asleep. Then I woke up (at 1:30am) and my meditation had ended and some other video was playing. I was like "ok fuck it" and played my afftape instead, then went to sleep again.
While sleeping I had some weird and vivid dreams including me struggling to put my overnight subs on my computer (so real) and then teleporting to my aunt's bedroom (I think this is important cause lately I've been thinking of making a waiting room out of her house).
Suddenly I felt like I was being shaken, pulled, spinning, all that stuff that people experience when they do awake methods, but I was asleep so idk. Then I kind of woke up in other position (sitting up in my bed) and my body felt tight and a little numb but I could tell it was different (like my desired body), and I touched my face and it felt different. I was like "omg it worked I'm in my DR !" and I could still hear my afftape coming from my computer but then it randomly stopped (it happens sometimes) and I was back in my CR body which was sleeping on its side. I woke up fully and it was barely 2:15am so I stared at the ceiling like ok what now? then I went back to sleep but I'm so excited, hopefully I'll post my success story soon cause I feel like I'm so close !
WOAHHH YOU SHIFTED?! THIS IS AMAZING!!! Proving to yourself that you can really do anything!!!
You’re not close because you already have it. You’re already at your destination. Keep going!!!
#void state#void#law of assumption#loa tumblr#loassumption#loa blog#loablr#manifestation#loa#the void state#loa manifestation#loasuccess
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my hater moment for the day yes it’s 8.30 in the morning but whatever like if you have a skinny narrow nose from the front in my head your nose is not big like at the very least it’s at the bottom of the big nose pyramid
#i’ve been thinking about high school me going to the plastic surgeon and like if my nose was narrow but with a bump i wouldn’t gaf like if#it looks small from the front but no mine is so 3D from every side truly has mind on its own#anyway doctor said he never saw a healthier better developed nose so naturally i cried#in the hospital with my dad calming me down and then taking me shopping anyway hwerwedkdk idk why this turned into a t(eo)mi#anyway if you have a wide nose i think you would understand where i’m coming from 🙏#also i woke up from a weird dream that prompted this but also made me wanna die and also delete tumblr but i need to go on a walk with boni#and relax like 😐 Whateverrer#tt
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alright time to guess about what my dreams are about tongith
#i napped earlier. for an hour. and i woke up and it felt like years had passed#like i was literally walking the halls and was like. this feels more like a dream than my dream did#during the nap i had a pretty standard vivid apocoplyse dream. which is normal. and then a really grotesque vision of my own death#so let’s see what we get tonfirh#it’s been a solid week where i’ve had the most vivid awful dreams ever.#like i’ve always had weird dreams and sometimes they’ll flare up for awhile like my apocoplyse dreams . but it’s usually because of somethin#not just. middle of the semester time for senseless violence and images of your friends all dying. like idk where it’s coming from mmm#can i have a nice dream tonight. like when i dreamed about my friend and i going to disney. please#that was actually one of my most upsetting ones cuz it was right after she’d stopped talking to me and hated me#so having a dream where we were together and okay and the sun was shining it was all okay. and knowing it could never happen again
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I really wish I could stop having dreams about school :/
#i literally haven’t been in school for nearly 10 years (not counting uni)#and i still have dreams where i’m singled out in the class for not doing homework or where I get lost on the way to class#or don’t have the right textbooks or haven’t been to any classes or don’t know anything that’s on an exam#or i get yelled at and belittled by a teacher or my classmates take the piss out of me#or any other humiliating bullshit#i think im still carrying the pain of being undiagnosed neurodivergent at school with me#at uni no one cares and it’s not a big deal#but at school they will make you feel like the biggest piece of shit alive for being a little bit weird#vent#personal post#i just woke up from having another fucking school dream#ugh#i also went to an all boys school so i think that fucked me up a little bit too#thank fuck my egg didn’t crack back then. I don’t know if i would have survived.
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If ur waiting on a reply from me (and i know a couple of folks are rn) thank u for ur patience in waiting. I'm working on typing things up but today is just. idk how to put it but i keep winding up grumpy and my replies i feel are suffering for it. Pls know i do wanna chat and exchange ideas, I'm just trying to make sure the Grumpasaurus Rex side of my brain that's v loud today isn't mucking them up before i send them 🫂🫂❤️❤️
#text post#like it's genuinely nothing just bad takes online some shitty messages in my inbox on here and reddit and not sleeping well at all#attempted a nap i woke up from like tenish minutes ago and it was all a realistic nightmare#in which ct house was somehow connected to nd condo & i kept getting caught on one side or the other at a time#unable to touch or talk to anyone until i was fully on either 'side' for a good while#made the flow of time feel fucked up and i fully expected this to have been a longer nap considering how time felt in there lol#but yeah. I'm trying and im v grateful to y'all waiting for being patient with me. thank u & i promise ill have my shit together soon#(aka might take an edible and just. idek. bake maybe? my brain isn't happy doing anything rn but cookies are always good)#have a potential call with mum later i need to prep for#...worst case scenario i try to nap a bit more and hope i don't wind up stuck in that weird hallway from my dream again#worst bit was the nd cats and my mum and ct cats and Housemate on each side both trying to get me out but couldn't#really don't wanna feel as stuck as i did in this dream but hey!! maybe it's trying to tell me something lmao#not entirely sure what but that's nothing new for me lmao#normally wouldn't post like this for replies but everyone waiting follows me so i figure this reaches everyone easily enough#& hopefully is better/more useful than me going radio silent bc my brain is being a baby abt shit that means nothing lmao
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ok so like. like Edward right . ok but also Son victor. what if they’re fr like this 🤞
#i just woke up from a really fucking weird dream#nightmare ? not sure#either way this is the thought i have been gifged wifh
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uh oh i’ve developed both a hyperfix on customizing rubber ducks and argos and mr plant within a matter of hours. on top of ttcc. how am i going to be able to sleep with all this adhd energy dawg
#gear diary#also i’m laying in bed at like 1:45 just now realizing that not only have i only eaten once today but i’ve been standing up so long#that now my legs are spasming like crazy and i’m hyper aware of every muscle in my body#and if the last few weeks are anything to go by i’m going to have nightmares at worst and stress dreams at best#tho i’ve had tf2 pop up a weird number of times in my dreams lately ? it’s come up a few times#and what sucks is i think i’ve only ever woke up from a nightmare like 3-4 times since my early childhood so when the dreams veer into that#i’m just …. stuck with it until i wake up in a rancid mood in da morning 👍#lately it hasn’t even been the cool nightmares. i want to go back to getting swallowed by sea monsters and stuck in animatronics lawl#mostly i just dream about my mom#or the fan-favorite “i’m in charge of the safety of a bunch of people and end up unable to save them leaving me alone with my guilt”#also. some dreams about being lost lately? like in big buildings/cities/subdivisions i think#it’s all fuzzy but i remember the feeling#good lort i got so off track. what is this. so sorry
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My surgeon gave me medical grade honey to put on my problem nipple and the urge to lick the applicator after every dressing change is so so strong....
#top surgery#i very likely have a connective tissue disorder#so im more prone to complications and have a lot of delayed wound healing#so the edges of one nip graft didnt take in spots#and the stitches didnt hold it cause skin so flimsy#annnnnd its been taking way longer than average to heal cause ive got That Bad Collagen#but my surgeon and his team have been taking such good care of me post op#the whole thing was the best experience ive had with medical professionals EVER#and after so very many bad doctors its honestly been so healing#like even beyond the gender care its soothed my jumpy disabled ass so much#therapy for my cardiologist diagnosed white coat syndrome (medical anxiety from being disabled)#also they gave me a honey patch to try#i didnt end up using it cause it was gonna be hard to tape down#but it smelled so sweet i almost ate it#i could have#it was safe to eat and the discord server was being a bad influence#but i woke up my poor mom to be my impulse control#later i found out she thought it was a dream lmaooooo#nope sorry you just have a weird fucking child
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the missing 3 years and the entire house I don’t remember is like my own brain grown torture device
#I woke up from a weird dream I have been having weird dreams for the past week or so#i have some context for it. was right after I left high school#and like right at the height of active addiction so that doesn’t help#I now what the kitchen looks like and my room and that’s it#this was idek 2015 maybe 2016#years are hard#could have been longer than 3yrs or shorter tbh#I’m basing it on having all this recollection of the first day moving to our last house#I don’t really think I even want to go back to that time so
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Maybe theatre related dreams are not the worst thing actually, be careful what you wish for etc
#just woke up from a really weird nightmare and now i dont want to go back to sleep but i have to bc i have things to do in the morning#it was about a creepy mall and very human looking robots wanting to kill me (?)#but the worst part was waking up with the feeling of handprints on my arms and shit#(i think that happened in the dream)#once i find out why i am so weird about being touched its over for you bitches#(not sure i want to know; cant be good)#this could have been a diary entry but whatever
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I’ve had 3 weird dreams over the past couple days… and I don’t have dreams that often tbh, especially this many in a short amount of time
#first dream I got told I got accepted into a master’s nursing program to a school I didn’t apply to (and sure there is no real school there)#second dream I was either back at the middle school I went to or at some kind of like class reunion#and long story short I think me and this guy I hated/bullied me in middle school were talking#and I think he like confessed his feelings to me and maybe we kissed or hooked up or something… it was weird…#had another dream after those two that was also weird but sadly I don’t remember it anymore#and literally this morning before I woke up I had another dream#first I was like riding a bike with a puppy in the basket and riding around the streets of my hometown#then somehow transported to this like mall with my parents and brother#we looked at this one store with nerdy shit and my dad saw and took out this like hot wheels toy car that was f zero themed#but the owner of the store got mad at us for taking it off the shelf and banned us for 24 hours from his store… then I woke up…#idk what is up with me and these weird dreams I’ve been having for the past couple of days???#jazz uses curse! 💜
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the dreams i’ve been having on the flu meds have been very vivid and weird but i love last nights where it was like my shitty ex is trying to take the hannibal posters in the divorce and im trying to make sure he can’t
#personal#this was like a side plot the main dream was biking with a girl through california and then our resting place was this weird cave we went#skinny dipping in#i straight up put that on hold to have a custody battle over hannibal posters 😭😭#they’ve been fun tho. i went to this catholic school detention#with like dante level shit of punishments but there was a riot leon from re was there briefly we all broke out and oh my god the after#part was sooo fun. also we all had vaugely religious super powers and they were blasting the devil man sound track#did have a weird one where i was a cop but it became more saw like at the end and also when i woke up after my partner asked me#if i had anybody in my family who was a cop and i was like actually no a few criminals tho#and she gave me a weird look and i was about to talk about how i hate police but then i remembered i was the police#but why was i a cop if i hate cops? and then immediately woke up
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the stare of judgemental confusion is real—
#inedible blubbering#very long and *very* incoherent ramblings in the tags coming right up—#maaaaaan today sure was a weird as heck day…#i started the day off at around 7.30am when i woke up laughing at a *very* ridiculous dream i had.#in it there was some guy who was eating huge cucumbers whole while another guy shoved a huge pencil into a gigantic electric sharpener#their actions were completely in sync. like dude 1’s cucumber chomping synced up with dude 2’s gigantic pencil sharpening#then they turned to look at each other and their eyes bugged out of their heads and that’s when i woke up、laughing in disbelief.#and after that… well. i finally got a call back from the job that seemed to have ghosted me 2 weeks ago…#…and i got not 1 but 2 emails from the person i ✨destest✨ the most in the world. i just ignored them though lol#the rest of the day kinda passed in a blur though… how insignificant.#then a few minutes ago my brother just randomly said ‘happy birthday’ aloud and i was like ‘👁👄👁 is he talking to me?!!!!’#but when i peeked around the corner a la the mona above… he was looking at his phone. and so it will forever remain a mystery ig…#it’d be nice if it was actually meant for me though… it’s been like 10 years since he last said it i think…#oh goodness. 10 years… where has time gone??? (ʘ‿ʘ)#aaaa man… if he really was talking to me… it’d be the first time in over 10 years when all the dudes of my immediate family wished me… ಥ‿ಥ#though the one thing that’s really been hitting me hard about my age and stuff is the fact that my younger brother is no longer a minor…#…and the fact that he looks physically older than me ಠ‿ಠ not cool bro ಠ‿ಠ#oh!!! and!!!! don’t go mistaking me for a brocon ok!!! ಠ‿ಠ i’m not one!!!! seriously!!!!! really!!!!!!!#hm. if anyone happens to be reading this… heyy👀 go drink some water ok👀👀 it’s good for you!!! yay for hydration!!!
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me when I'm normal <- experiences an hour long on-and-off sleep paralysis
#couple days ago i took a long nap and it happened#wild shit#i mean. ive been experiencing sleep paralysis for at least five years now so im used to it#for like half of those years it wasnt even. anegative experience#cause ive had it so much it just stopped bothering me at some point#its just a bit annoying#ive learned how to break from it and i can feel when its gonna happen and prevent it#but also i can induce it or keep it going for shits and giggles#yknow to see what my brain comes up with#but this time it was kinda bad#like. i have a cold and a stuffy nose. was taking a nap and woke up from it but was still very sleepy so decided to keep sleeping#and i knew that if i go to sleep now i will experience sleep paralysis#but because of my stuffy nose and my brain still being foggy i felt like if i get this paralysis now i wont wake up#like. it will also paralyse my breathing#but i was still too sleepy to fully wake up and prevent it#so i just tried to lie in a position where my nose and mouth arent blocked by anything and i can breathe comfortably#and then i just. had weird dreams#cant even remember them but i kept switching back to semiconsciousness still paralysed#and usually when i get those they last at most ten minutes#but when i fully woke up after that and looked at the time almost an entire hour had passed#wild#bee buzz
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guess who managed to sleep until literally the hottest part of the day and had a wild absolutely incomprehensible dream in the process that I can only imagine was the equivalent of a fever dream but caused by external temperatures - 🍬
#personal#thoughts#the dream was from 🦋's perspective but I both went to sleep and woke up fronting so idk what happened there#there's been a few dreams from other alters' perspectives lately#but I always wake up fronting afterwards#it's also weird because normally we just look like the body in dreams#but lately we keep having dreams where we actually look like ourselves#it's kind of nice but it also really drives home the fact that the body doesn't look like most of us#so then it ends up making us even more dysphoric over that#🍬 post
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woke up from a dream about a family not accepting a trans kid for who they are to a text where my dad deadnames me :I
#not only that but it was a quote from a friend of his using my deadname which means he's been using it with her#when i thought he was. trying at least#and it was that friend asking me to do an art thing for her (the quote. cuz she doesn't have my number)#and when i said 'that's not my name' he was like 'i know. i forgot' no apology or anything but he makes *her* apologize to me??#he just kinda has no sense of responsibility in this shit. like 'remembering' is all you have to do but that's harder than actually trying#it's harder to Just Remember especially with adhd which he has. i just want to know he's fucking trying#and my sibling's trans identity is more important to them than mine is to me so if he tried with them i know it'd mean something to them#so that's most of the reason i'm upset. but also because. nobody calls me that anymore it's just weird#not even my mum who is notorious for mixing her kids' names up#oh btw the dream was pretty interesting actually#it was like i was playing a video game of someone else's life. it was mostly about this one uncle who won't accept this kid for being trans#and tries to convert them on a little fishing trip to being cis and catholic. and they call their dad cuz they feel unsafe#and their dad is like 'what's he saying put me on speaker' and he just makes fun of the uncle#but then they're still in the middle of nowhere when they get back to shore so they have to go back to the uncle's house#and they go into the room where their older brother is and discover he's staying with their uncle still. which makes them realize#that when their uncle asked if they wanted to stay and not be themselves or go away and be themselves they opted to leave#but their brother would rather pretend to not accept them and stay. and they get into a physical fight. anyway i woke up after that
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