#I won't be starting the new diet until this weekend

[thelastspeecher]

Wow I just LOVE being diagnosed with another issue to cause dietary restriction right before fucking CHRISTMAS

[vividwritinglove]

Hello I have a request, if you don’t mind✨🤍 I hope you like my idea🫶🏼

Carlos x reader trying to have a baby, but after some failure, during the summer break with all of his family in Mallorca they got the big news (baby Carlos is comingg). After a year they come back to the summer house, as a parents, dealing with baby Carlos, with his sister and his mother🤍

I’m very curious to see Carlos as a dad🥹🫶🏼

Omg - I had to do this request! Carlos (in my mind) is the sweetest Dad and so supporting during the pregnancy and the labor.

I wanna give a TRIGGER WARNING on this one, not for pregnancy loss, but for not getting pregnant instantly and the frustration and stress it comes with. You’ve been advised. Hope you enjoy anyways.

————————————————————————

"It will work next time, mi vida." murmurs Carlos against your temple and then presses a loving kiss on the same spot. This gesture passes you by. Dejectedly, you look at the negative pregnancy test you are holding in your hands. It is already the fifth practice cycle and it just won't work. The initial anticipation you and Carlos felt when you decided to have a baby six months ago is almost gone. You know that you have to give yourself and your body time. But on the one hand, you also put yourself under endless pressure, which is absolutely not beneficial to become pregnant.

During the first 3 months you were still relaxed. But when Carlo's sister Blanca happily announced that she was already 12 weeks pregnant and Carlo's parents were so excited about their first grandchild, your inner clock started ticking. Up until that point, no one knew that Carlos and you were trying to get pregnant too and you both decided not to tell anyone. The last thing you wanted to do was to squeeze Blanca's joy with your gloom.

You are happy for her, even for Carlos, who will be the world's best uncle to his niece or nephew. You will never forget the sparkle in his eyes when his sister announced the good news. That's how much you wish you could give him the greatest gift on earth yourself. Even though Carlos would never admit it in front of you, he suffered just like you. But he wants to be strong, for you. To catch you and comfort you if the next test is negative again.

The next cycles come and you are again not pregnant. In the meantime it is getting to your psyche. Everyone around you seems to get pregnant easily or you are confronted with babies in any way. You read out about a different diet, tried true remedies for natural conception and even look up for artificial insemination. You withdraw yourself more and more from the public, accompany Carlos less or not at all on his race weekends and generally don't want to go out or see anyone anymore.

Carlos is worried. Really worried. He's never seen you like this before, and he doesn't want to see you like this. After a hard weekend of racing, he comes home to find you in bed in the darkened bedroom, as you've been doing so often lately.

"Mi amor?"

"Hmm..." you grumble in response without turning to him.

He lies down in bed next to you. For a few minutes you lie next to each other in silence, until Carlos finally breaks his silence.

"I needed you..."

"Carlos, I can't."

He quickly sits up and turns you to face him. You're a little startled by his brash manner and look at him expectantly. Tears start to form in his eyes. Your heart breaks, and only now do you realize that you are not the only one suffering.

His breathing is faster, you feel his frustration. He has so much on his mind right now, your relationship, which should not be ruined by this, and then the pressure to deliver good results at Ferrari. And of course the great desire to become a father himself. You hug each other tightly and cry together. Long, certainly over half an hour, but it’s good for both of you. You finally release a lot of the pressure and negativity that has built up in the two of you over the last few months.

After a while you look around the room, "I hate this room!"

Carlos looks at you questioningly. It wasn't that long ago that you two moved into this new apartment in Madrid.

"I want to remodel it!"

"Whatever makes you happy!" agrees Carlos.

The very next day, your new project begins and it takes in all your time. You order paints for the furniture. You buy new lamps, bedding, pillows, decorations and a comfortable armchair. You don't let anyone help you, you want to design everything on your own to just be distracted and productive. After the bedroom, you also get to work on your office and the guest room. It helps you to find yourself again in the few weeks of renovation. Carlos also notices your positive change of mood, which makes him feel happy.

Your sex life revives. It's no longer a must, just passion. Like it used to be. You let the cycle calendar be a calendar and only pursue your desire and lust. Just switching off your heads. The last races before the summer break you accompany Carlos again on the weekends and the races are going increasingly better for him. He got back on the podium and even managed to take his 2nd race win. This was so enormously important for him and brought him back his necessary self-confidence. It is only incidental to mention that you two have multiple uninhibited and passionate sex that night.

Like every summer, you'll be spending your summer break in Mallorca with Carlo's family. You are looking forward to it, as you love Carlo's family more than anything, but at the same time you are very nervous, as Carlo's sister recently gave birth and will of course take her newborn daughter with her. You are excited to meet her, but it will bring you back to the fact that you are still not pregnant.

You are in the kitchen with Carlo's mother, preparing dinner, when the new little family enters the living area. Reyes immediately drops everything to greet her daughter Blanca and granddaughter joyfully and warmly.

By now, Carlo's family knows about the attempts of you to get pregnant. They also noticed your changes and Carlos finally told his mother about it. Everyone is very understanding, however, you did not want the joy of the newest Sainz family member to be squeezed. Blanca looks at you immediately as her mother takes the little one from her. You smile at her and approach her with open arms. She hugs you gratefully and you congratulate her again on her beautiful daughter.

For the time being, cooking was out of the question. Everyone is enchanted by the sweet little babygirl. She is literally passed around, until it was quiet and everyone looked at you. Only and alone the baby was crying.

"Would you like to hold her?" Blanca asks timidly, hoping not to hurt you.

You swallow hard, but then smile slightly, "I'd love to."

As you take the little girl in your arms, she immediately calms down and stops crying. She fixes your big and bright eyes and you get lost in hers too. You put your index finger in her little hand and she immediately squeezes. At this contact all your dams break and tears run down your cheeks. Carlos puts his arm around your shoulder and leans his head against yours. Carlos' mother also sits down next to you and strokes your back. You quickly calm down and hand the baby back to Carlos' sister.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you sad." Blanca apologizes to you as she joins you in the kitchen to help you prepare dinner.

"I have to apologize. I just can't control myself lately and I don't know what's wrong with me." you mumble to yourself as you chop the vegetables, "I'm so emotional and I start crying at everything. On top of that I'm so tired and for the past few days my boobs have been hurting so bad."

"Querida." Blanca holds you by the arm, stopping your cutting motion, "When was the last time you had your period?"

You look up from the cutting board and start calculating in your head. You shake your head and reach for your phone,

"According to the calendar, last week. I didn't came though." you say almost in disbelief and look up at Blanca who is already grinning widely and jumping a little on the spot. After the fallout, you've cursed this app and didn’t used it for several months to track your period properly.

"There should be a pregnancy test upstairs in the bathroom," she says, grabbing your arm and together you sprint off to the upstairs bathroom.

The test is found quickly. Fortunately, the test is still durable and you go through the instructions. Even though you have done countless tests before, you were so nervous that only Blanca's presence could calm you down. She lets you do the test alone and gets Carlos in the meantime. There was no way he was going to miss this moment.

"Mi Amor, what's wrong?" asks Carlos in surprise as he enters the bathroom. Your gaze wanders to the sink and now he also recognizes the test. "It still needs 1 more minute." you say, showing him the timer on your phone.

You both sit down on the edge of the bathtub and Carlos reaches for your hand, "If it's not, then..“

"Then we'll just try it again, without pressure and stress!" you finish your sentence and give him a passionate kiss on the mouth, "We can take care of your niece and practice with her first on how to be parents.“

You both smile into another kiss and are interrupted by your timer. You take a deep breath, squeeze Carlo's hand again, put your phone aside and reach for the pregnancy test. And then there they are, 2 bright lines. Carlos looks back and forth between you and the test. You're in a state of shock. He is confused.

"What does that mean?" he asks excitedly and reaches frantically for the package, "What do 2 lines mean? It usually says pregnant or not pregnant!!!"

You cheer and scream and now Carlos also understands that the test result is positive. You fall happily around each other's necks and Blanca also rushes into the bathroom and hugs you both tightly. The commotion upstairs is not hidden from the rest of the family for long. In the meantime, Carlos' younger sister Ana has also arrived and is more or less greeted with the news. Reyes and Carlos Sr. are falling from all clouds and warmly embrace you and their son.

"I can't believe we're going to spend next summer here with two little grandbabies," Reyes says overjoyed, showering you and Carlos with kisses.

1 year later

It’s the morning you arrive on Mallorca at the vacation home of the Sainz family. This time you travel with more luggage than usual. More than half of it, belongs neither to Carlos nor to you, but to your son Antonio, who is currently taking his nap on top of you.

This bundle of joy saw the light of day 3 months ago and has since turned Carlos and your life upside down in a positive sense. He looks just like his dad, thick dark hair and those dark beady eyes. He is the most beautiful human being you have ever seen and are so thankful to be his mommy.

"Can I get you something to drink, querida?" asks Reyes softly as she approaches your cot, gently stroking your son's mop of hair.

You nod and smile gratefully at her, "Let’s get inside. I'm sure he'll be hungry in a minute."

As softly as you say it, this was Antonio's cue. He wanted his milk, and he'd best have it now. As soon as you enter the kitchen to warm the breast milk in the bottle for you, Carlos jogs toward you and takes Antonio from you, "Let me feed him, mamichula!"

Carlos wants to spend every free minute with his son. Especially during the stressful race weekends, he sees him far too less. It makes you so extremely happy to see him like this with Antonio and you are grateful for the greatest partner at your side and the best father of your child. You hand him the bottle and contentedly your son drinks the milk. You sit down next to Carlos on the sofa and rest your head on his shoulder.

"It's so good to be back," you murmur dreamily, kissing his shoulder.

Before Carlos could answer, he is interrupted by his niece, who will celebrates her first birthday tomorrow. The little girl with the brown curls, climbs up the couch and wants to get on your lap to see her little cousin. You pick her up and immediately her eyes are on your son. She puts a hand on the bottle and together they feed Antonio.

[anas1pet]

TIPS

Carry yourself like you're skinny, even if you're not thus has helped me lose weight and the one day I didn't I gained weight. If you carry yourself like you're skinny you'll trick your brain and start losing weight faster for example

"Can you hand me-" wait but skinny girls would just get up and get it so follow with the "never mind I got it"

"Can you make me-" they'll put extra calories in it and you need the steps "never mind ill make it"

Eventually you won't ask anymore

Walk like your skinny too, this fatty lazy walking isn't burning calories walk like a model fast, and confident

This also tricks other people in thinking you're confident with your weight and body so you can keep losing and losing and no one will notice and if they do "oh I'm trying this new diet for tiktok" then post a video of your before and after results and pick up some random healthy diet but keep it consistent when someone asks what diet you did remember the name

"What diet did you do?"

"Oh I did the keto diet and a couple chloe ting workouts you should try it! It was really fun!"

Keep making up different diets you're "following" and when you get through them all stick with your favorite as the lie

For the Ana's that keep a notebook buy two of the same notebook in one you'll write down your actual ana foods and all your pro ana stuff and the other write down a normal food and an inspirational quote or something normalish

For my girlie that love a good bath (especially ones that that's your only escape from your family like me) limit it to one bath a day or week and for the rest showers only sitting/ lying down is not gonna burn calories but if you're the kind that takes multiple baths a week slowly take it down so nobody gets suspicious and that way you'll build a habit keep the number of baths a week you have in your journal (ana journal for previous tip) that way you'll know when you've taken a bath and when you've showered

Ana's in highschool if you can't drive walk if possible if you're like me and live somewhere where walking home isn't an option walk other times like to the end of your road and back for me I walk 2 streets over to the river then I walk down the river well on weekends since I have kids or walk to the store if there's one by your house they just built a dollar general by mine so if possible I will be walking there

I'm a hypocrite about this next one but so is everyone else don't weigh yourself every single day once a week is good just makes sure not to weigh before you use the bathroom, after you eat or after you shower it adds up instead find a pair of jeans that are a size or even two sizes to small and try them on every day until you can wear them I'm currently a size 12/14 and I do this with a size 6/8

To my Ana's in college (this one is me) if you live on campus take the opportunity and walk/jog probably don't run you don't wanna go to class sweaty and smelly but you do you or if you're college is like mine and all your classes are in the same building lie to your family about your class times and go to the park or the gym after class I prefer the park bc it's beautiful and there's usually nobody there (this goes for highschool Ana's that have a car too say you're going to a friend's house)

Strict families/make you eat at the table you already know the napkin rules but one thing a lot of people forget is to fake chew when you "take a bite" and then spit it in the napkin don't chew the food that adds calories I read somewhere you take in almost a third of the calories from chew and spit so don't chew the food purposefully get some on your face get a napkin wipe it off and spit the unchewed bite into the napkin now here's where it gets a little gross don't put the whole napkin in your pocket just the food (unless it's like rice or something that can fall easy) this way you can use the same napkin again. If you're forced to go out and all they have is the napkins they put the Silverware in this especially works for that and you'll get lucky If you park beside the bushes bc then you can feed the animals your pocket food make sure to walk in the back when doing this so no one sees always wear laces and make sure one is untied when leaving the restaurant and stop to tie it while you do that throw the food as fast as possible before anyone notices also everyone knows about the cut and push don't do this eith finger foods at a restaurant tear it don't cut it with a fork DONT FORGET KETCHUP IS YOUR BEST FRIEND don't get any mayo based condiments (ranch, honeymustard, bbq) only ketchup or steak seasoning (0-25cal per tbsp)

Workouts, either wake up before everyone or go to sleep way after everyone nothing happens over night so try and slowly change it so you're not exhausted do an hour workout for this point (I do a flexibility stretch followed by a chloe ting then a Pamela reif cardio) then you can weigh then shower and say "oh I just woke up" ALSO DO THE WORKOUT IN YOUR PAJAMAS that way if they ask why you're sweaty/stink tell them you get night sweats and try and wake up before everyone to shower bonus points for if you have a thick blanket

Start picking up extra chores again little by little so nobody suspects anything and they think you're just being helpful if they notice you haven't eaten tell them you got distracted bc you like cleaning that way the house is clean and you're losing and they think you have an amazing new Hobbie all though it turns you into the "clean freak" of the family just battle that with the "at least I'm not a slob"

I hope you stuck around this long bc I just had a great idea!!! Meal time you sit eith your family at the table you spit your food into the napkin, it's winter/fall or just straight up cold in your house you have on a big sweater/hoodie under that sweater you have a fanny pack this way your pockets don't get bulgy and the sweater hides the pack half way through the meal (occasionally) say you have to pee or something "I drank way to much water I'll be right back" or something along those lines empty the fanny in the toilet and flush

I've been doing these for 9 years and they've really helped me and the only one in my family that knows is my husband and that's only bc I told him in highschool (I've had this since I was 11)

[phiralovesloki]

Goal Update

After a great January, February went off the rails. We got what was almost certainly COVID right at the start of February vacation, and we're still recovering. This weekend will be about getting the house back to zero, which is mostly laundry, getting rid of cardboard boxes, and finding the kids' plates and bowls that are probably under the couch.

January goal update:

Keep house clean on regular schedule: Kept up till February break when we got very sick, will continue again now that we're better.

Brush, floss, and mouthwash every night: Success, even when I was very sick!

February goal update:

Bathe kids 3x a week: LOL nope. Not 3x a week, but we did do it more often than previously. I'll try again with this. It might help to set a schedule.

Eat healthier to try to get A1C down: Did all right until we got sick. It's been both easier and harder than I expected, mostly because my diet is now exceptionally boring. We won't retake A1C for another 5 months, so I won't know until then if a half-ass job is enough.

March goals (new!):

Start donating stuff: I REALLY need to start getting rid of stuff. I have 3 boxes of stuff I planned to put on the buy nothing FB group, at least 2 bags of clothing donations and textile recycling, and bins and bins and bins of baby clothes and baby toys. I think the best way to start tackling it all is to start putting at least 5 things on the buy nothing group every week.

Exercising 3x a week: I'm no longer sick (chronically or COVIDly), the office TV is finally wall-mounted, and the elderly Chromecast might work. So, it's time to get on the elliptical and finish watching season 2 of Bridgerton. Anthony is the definition of wanting to fuck Kate so much, he looks stupid, and I need to see more of that.

[timeoverload]

I just got home from taking Harry to the vet. It was a challenge but we made it. He was a good boy for the most part. He cried in the car the whole way there and on the way back but I kind of expected that. I'm just glad he is taken care of for now. I do have to take him back in 3 weeks for a leukemia booster. I also need to schedule to get his teeth cleaned soon and he will probably need some extracted so that's not going to be cheap. I am also going to have to figure out how to get all 3 of them on a diet. I got them some fancy food so hopefully I can convince them to eat it because they are picky and only eat the cheap stuff. I know it's bad for them though. Harry is so overweight that they didn't even bother weighing him today. He was 12 pounds the last time I took him. I'm assuming he weighs at least 16 or 17 pounds now. I'm not excited to try to take the other 2 at all but I have to. I'm just afraid that they might have a bunch of problems too. I feel like I'm going to have to go to the vet like every weekend for a while until they are all caught up. It's going to be a lot of work but I want them all to be healthy and live a long time.

I don't know how I am going to start working part-time in November like I planned. I don't think I will be able to get enough money saved unfortunately. I don't know what I'm going to do but I know I will figure it out.

I have a lot more to worry about than I thought. My dentist appointment went well yesterday but they keep pestering me about getting my implants. I need to have that done within the next couple years. I need to budget for that because it's going to be at least $4000 and insurance doesn't cover those. I think it's so dumb because I was born without them and it's not my fault but whatever. There's nothing I can do about that. I don't think I'm in good enough shape for surgery right now either but I would really love to have a full set of teeth in the future. I still haven't rescheduled my eye exam yet and I need to because they are bothering me a lot. I don't want to buy new glasses but I don't think I have a choice.

I'm not going to get stressed about stuff right now because that won't help me. I'm worn out and I don't want to do anything at the moment. It's still too hot outside to go anywhere else today. I'm planning on doing some cleaning tomorrow and Monday. I'm going to have a beer because I think I earned it this week. I'm planning on relaxing the rest of the night and I will probably go to bed early. I hope that the rest of the weekend is good.

[procalpal]

1 September 2024 | Sunday

Start: 8:30AM

Breakfast (10:30AM)

A bowl of chia (15g) and lite soy milk (45g) with some water to help the chias soften. For sweetness, some honey (5g)

A cup of instant coffee, but iced.

Cal: 175 | Protein: 4.03g

Thoughts: I feel extreme guilt for the purge that occurred the night before. But it's a new month, a new season and today will be the start. Start now, before it's too late. The exhaustion that is inevitable is a factor I strive to avoid during this change. I understand that low calorie diets are harmful and working full time will affect me drastically. I am prepared. I understand the consequences but I won't skip out on meals during the week. I will eat moderately and control any sugar cravings. Weekends I will allow a sugar treat, as I usually do. Today is my cafe day, I will read Emma (Jane Austen) at my favourite cafe, go thrifting for some office attire and return home to continue my house cleaning.

Lunch (2:00PM)

Protein banana pancakes. Consisting of a banana (120g), an egg, vanilla protein powder (15g), cinnamon (2g).

A cup of tea with honey (5g) and lite soy milk (20ml)

Cal: 306 | Protein: 20.9

Thoughts: Due to the fact that it’s now Father’s Day, I figured that it would be too busy to walk around the city. I have stayed home and attempted to busying myself watching Gilmore Girls, organising my week and washing my clothes. I foresee a quieter weekend next week and shall complete my needs to get matcha a different day. The pancakes may not look appetising but I swear by this recipe. It’s sweet, full of protein and an amazing alternative to normal pancakes. I have eaten this almost every day.

Snack (3:08PM)

Rice cakes (2 slices), cottage cheese (30g) and cucumber (28g)

Cal: 77 | Protein: 5.4g

Dinner (6:33PM)

Salad consisting of cucumber (67g), mushrooms (34g), tomato (68g) lemon juice (7ml), tuna in springwater (38g).

On the side, I had some strawberries (57g) and light greek yoghurt (42g).

Cal: 129 | Protein: 14g

Thoughts: Dinner was light, and having the snack in between assisted in reducing the hunger I felt after lunch. With 512 calories still available, I'm not sure what else I really feel inclined to eat. A good sign in retrospect, but I also would prefer to have some more food to eat in order to avoid bingeing tomorrow. I don't feel hungry and the documentation of the foods that I consume assist in the restriction of eating unwanted processed foods. Such that a public account holds me accountable for my actions. Tomorrow I will weigh myself. But I have not thought about whether this should be a daily occurrence or weekly, or even every few days. I have completed my weekly grocery shopping, and am looking forwards to seeing where this new medium will take me.

Snack (7:30PM)

A bowl of kimchi (75g) and two slices of rice cakes.

A cup of black tea, with lite soy milk (20ml) and some honey to sweeten it up (5g)

Cal: 57 | Protein: 2g

Total calories: 754 (Goal 1200)

Total protein: 47g

Thoughts: there's a lot that pass through my brain throughout the day. On my darker days, numbers are forever floating around. But today, I was okay. Maybe because my binge yesterday had something to do with it. I don't know. But I do feel a slight change in attitude, that I don't want to do this extremely unhealthily. The weight change is still a goal, but I want it to happen gradually. For those around me to not have to worry or think that I'm mentally ill. Towards the end of today, until now as I am writing this, a sudden darkness did pass over, a feeling of loneliness. Maybe I made the wrong decision of packing my bags, and moving to a new city. Everyone that I know 8 and a half hours away from me (driving). I do have friends here, but things are not the same. Facetimes, calls, letters, social media, all of those supposedly helpful creations for long distance is just not cutting it out for me anymore. Maybe because it's my sister's birthday as well as Father's Day, I miss them most. I long to be in a loud home again, filled with laughter, memories and warmth. Yet, I am here. Alone. Cold and with no memories of the happy days lingering. But alas, this is my choice. I need to make friends, and not shut them out.

Sleep: 9:00PM

[hermitnine]

Journey with me to 120

Yesterday marked 9 days before my 24th birthday. I have felt a sort of restlessness and unease all my life, but especially since getting sober. I was and still am addicted to escapism. Before alcohol and drugs it was as simple as daydreaming. I forced my creativity into the backseat because sports were the cool thing to do, and I let my imagination become my kryptonite. I would fantasize about being in Disney movies, becoming a famous artist or lead singer in a band. I told myself that one day I was going to lose all the weight and I fantasized about the transformation and how others would treat me. I pictured becoming a huge success and outshining all the people who were horrible to me. I wanted to be hot for once, but I was weak and never held myself to the standard needed to change my life. I settled for delinquent friends in high school who treated me badly and introduced me to weed. I had so many nights in my late teens and early twenties where I blacked out at a party or a bar and ended up embarrassing myself. I got arrested, multiple times, and then ended up moving back to my hometown. This past March I finally got sober, I thought this would help with my acne or fat or life in general, but I find myself at a standstill. I am about to move out again after a year and a half of being treated like a child again, and I want to finally give my younger self the tough love she needs. Not emotional neglect or verbal abuse, but a cold hard reality check.

Many of us create vision boards, select idols and models to worship or look to for inspiration and make resolutions for the "New Year". At the end of the day, it's all talk and I have been a certified yapper for too long. In my mind I've verbalized this assumption that there is a future me that is skinny and knockout. I have been a couch potato, both mentally and literally. I am coming to the conclusion that changing is not comfortable. It is incredibly challenging, a pain in the ass and takes so much self discipline. I have my cravings, so I have decided as I begin to hit my goals I can start indulging occasionally in my vices.... A select few vices that is.

I weighed in the other day at 167 and I was appalled and disgusted. The heaviest I remember weighing myself at was 175, and I am too close to that not to punish myself a bit. I lit a fire under my ass and I knew that today I was going to start fasting. I am going to force myself to do so til after Saturday at the least (it is Tuesday today). I smoked my Black and Mild today, but from now on I won't be buying another until I hit 150. Maybe it would help with my hunger, but I need to have a reward to look forward to and it cannot be food. Really, I should have switched to cigarettes by now, maybe they would make a difference. I let myself have a kombucha today but no coffee, I am still deciding when I will reincorporate it. These are my ideal plans for the time being, but I haven't ever fully committed to this lifestyle so I may have to adjust my plans as I get into it.

6 day fast (if my energy allows maybe I can do this at the beginning of every month?)

Once I have completed my fast, my diet will consist of alkaline foods ONLY

Strictly water and tea, I will incorporate a kombucha only when I am extremely tired/ weak

Working out EVERY day

REWARDS (I am too neurospicy and need something to look forward to LOL)

150 - I will buy myself the incense I have been wanting

145 - I will take myself to the rock shop and pick something up

140 - I will book myself a CHEAP weekend trip

135 - I will get red light therapy :)))))

130 - I will get my hair done

125 - I will book myself another trip with better accommodations

120 - I will let myself drink again

To future me, don't give up. Do it for the flat stomach, do it for the slender legs and the collarbones and the bikini. Do it so you can feel light as a feather and hot for the first time in this life. Do it so people you once knew look at you in awe. Most importantly, do it for YOURSELF! Do it for all the versions of yourself that got you here!!

Without struggle, there is no progress

Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels

THE BEST REVENGE IS A KILLER BODY

This month's choices are next month's body

Suck it up and one day you won't have to suck in

Don't listen to your inner fatty she's an evil BITCH!!!!!!!

[messofmoss]

saturday, june 22, 2024

8:31am

i just slept for 11 hours. i got home from work and basically just passed out. my phone is half dead. my whole body hurts. i had a whole handprint on my arm when i woke up lol

there were many times my mind was racing yesterday and i wanted to write here but i was working and couldn't. i feel like writing it down helps a bit because instead of rattling around in my brain, it's pouring out here. like a bit of release and relief.

my head hurts. it hurt a lot yesterday too. i forgot to take my pills. i haven't missed a day in awhile. i was missing a refill and i was going to take them when i got the missing part but forgot about it.

i feel shitty. i don't want to go to work today. or do anything really. slept 11 hours and i just want to go back to sleep. sleep 11 more hours. i hate work. i don't want to go. i don't want to be around humans. i just want to be in my dark cave with my cats and my kindle and my pillow. i didn't even get to enjoy my days off because it was too hot to exist.

i feel like crying right now. i don't want to go so bad. i can't just call out every weekend though. ugh

10:19am

i sent her a minute of voice messages and all she says back is "okayyy" an hour later. really nothing to say at all??? why do i even bother

5:15pm

teary in the car again. i think julia is mad at me for calling her a hater. i was only teasing.

as SOON as she opened my last voice message, she started typing and said she was going to bed. she hadn't even listened to half of it yet. that voice was my attempt to change the subject. i said "i'm going to try to befriend the new girl at work tonight" the one i had told her might be a lesbian. idk i'm just so sad.

lilly told me to back off her and see if she reaches out to me first. i feel like she won't because last night i fell asleep and forgot to send her good morning message and when i woke up, she had read my last message and just... didn't say anything to me.

8:40pm

i can't enjoy my free time because i made a plan and that plan isn't until monday morning but like it takes away future planned free time before work and now i'll have to be out doing something and now i am just in a perpetual state of anxiety waiting for that thing. and it's like when you have a dentist appt at like 2pm so you can't enjoy your morning because you're just waiting for the appointment. i hate transition periods. i used to tell brogan to not tell me if he had to leave in like 10 or 20 minutes or whatever because then i wouldn't be able to enjoy that time anymore because it would feel like we are in a transition phase and it just makes me stupid anxious. the plan for monday is to go to clifton park at 8am to pick up thomas from the mechanic and hang with him til i have to work. i just hate making plans in general. i hate weekends because i have to work. i hate feeling trapped. work schedule makes me feel trapped. making plans makes me feel trapped.

also i have acid reflux/heartburn whatever for the first time in aaaaages and i hate it so much. i think it's because i've had pan pizza two days in a row at work. i need to get back to my diet. i feel like shit. i look like shit. i am shit. i look at my reflection and i don't even recognize my face anymore. like who the fuck is that? why do i look like that?

[pidge2080]

Feb 11th, 2023

I'm doing this again, at the very least since I can't fix my life on the weekend. There won't be any catch-up diaries because I really don't want to recount the specifics of the past few day, but I have been thinking over things on the side that I do want to write about.

I've lost a lot of weight over the past week, and I'm only 3.6 pounds from my 1st goal weight, which I haven't talked much about, but it's how much I weighed when I purchased most of my clothes. A few of my shirts from that time fit now, the pants are close. 3.6lbs away.

One thing I need to remember is the people talking on here and the values I'm seeing on apps won't be accurate to me. I'm not at a weight where you can plateau while dieting, unless you have a major health problem. Which I do, but it's managed, so I would need a blood test. I was heavily restricting and fasting last year to start out with, and the first major roadblock I had I didn't go back for months.

I'm already losing weight the unhealthy way, but if I want to stick to losing weight at all I need to meter it somewhat. This week I've been aiming for 500 net cals every day. It's been a struggle not to go over on some days and sometimes I feel like I have to regulate urges to binge by still eating, and then burning off those calories with exercise. It's sort of worked? I'm not sure I'll be able to fast again for a while. I'm not used to it so I shouldn't start when my whole life is being turned over.

If anyone is reading this and thinking, "That sounds like a lot of excuses," you're not alone. It's haunting me. I know it'll get to me more later and by then I'll let it.

I digress, severely, but those are some thoughts I've been having this week that I just needed to get out of my head. As for today, my weight is the same as yesterday. The past few times this has happened I gained a pound the next day no matter what I did. My weight check-ins are on Monday now, and I don't have to count it until then. I would have to gain over 3lbs by then to completely ruin my progress but only half to fall behind.

I'm taking it easy today. I'll see if I need to catch up tomorrow but today the goal is to just not go over. It's my turn to make dinner tonight and it's a pasta so it'll be a light breakfast.

Just a coffee and 2 mandarins this morning. The first one tasted terrible, I thought I was starting to hate mandarins. Some of them are going bad already. I'm running out of lower calorie options in my home and haven't had the means to get groceries.

I had some gift money late from Christmas coming to me apparently so tomorrow... More coffee and mandarins. And not to be beyond parody, but I spent as small of a portion of it as I could on a new bathroom scale. It should be more accurate than my current situation.

Posting this is going to be weird, my sleep cycles are all off. I can only sleep for 5 hours or so at a time and it feels really weird. I don't know when to eat, when to count a new day, when to weigh myself... I slept through half the day so it feels like I had two breakfasts.

If I call it here, it's a little over 600 calories. I might go to bed soon. The scale will be here tomorrow.

[hardlicorex]

10/8/2022

It's another day. But I'm OFF work today. I realized I am getting really exhausted from working there all the time. Like I have no energy for anything else. I do feel like it is mentally stressful just because of pressure and such - I don't know. I slept 4 hours after dinner yesterday and then through the night for a grand total of 12 hours. My body needed it but it's just like I am getting tired of having so much to do that isn't really enlightening my life. Either way I have a couple days off and that gives me time to figure out what it is I want to do - but also just small things like some shopping and such. I absolutely have to get a hobby going this weekend and that gives me a slight bit of anxiety because I have a hard time committing. I'm also dealing with other things that I have to go without but it shouldn't be that bad. I think if I just don't think about it and stay focused I'll be ok. I do know I was 113 this morning on the scale so I haven't lost any weight despite cutting back. I need to cut calories a bit better which hubby wants sushi or Asian food today and since I had food poisoning last time -_- I'm definitely not getting a lot when we go. The good news is we're saving some money or more so I'm able to put some money back because of the new diet that D is on. It's not as critical I get a big order of food anymore so yay. I might actually get a car soon. It won't be easy saving but I can do it. I'm trying to figure out college right now. It's a big commitment to go back to school so yeah I don't know - I get mixed feelings sometime -but I definitely don't want to go through life not accomplishing anything. I have a lot to figure out and start doing and the biggest obstacle is coming up with the money to do it. Also my emotions were so out of touch this past few weeks up until the last 2 days or so I've been ok but before that I was a train wreck. I'm still so sensitive when it comes to weight and body image that I really overreact to jokes about it but I also feel maybe my reaction isn't so much the problem as it is the "jokes" - I think that there needs to be a boundary but also it puts pressure on me mentally to get to a certain weight faster than possible which makes existing in the meantime really hard - so I think I need to explain that to them but I doubt they'll take me seriously so here we are super uncomfortable in my skin because of comments that meant to be funny but really hurtful. GRRR. Anyway - I am happy - lol - believe it or not - I want to go do something fun this weekend hopefully we can. It's expensive so I'm not sure. It'll probably be a small venture like sushi and shopping. Anyway, I have a goal weight of 93 pounds. I am currently 112/113 so that is a total of 20 pounds to lose (which I was 122/123 for a while last year) so with that in mind, I'm down 10 pounds with the simple change of going back to work so I am thinking to drop the second 10 pounds - It's going to have to be done with a few fasting days or something. I don't know. I already don't eat all day so yeah 00)

[endlich-allein]

Interview with Till about his life: he fought with his father, killed his beloved dog, swam on a wild river and worked on suffering. How Till Lindemann's mind works

"I will finish you off" and why you fought for the German army.

Werner Lindemann wanders around the room, interrupting the silence with strange questions, writing something down. His motive is to get to know his son and make him a friend. But it's complicated. Generational conflict.

"My island of tranquility is shaken every day. The day before yesterday, a guy pulled on my socks because his were torn. Yesterday he didn't put out a single lamp in the house. Now, with voluptuous delight, he spits cherry pits into the cat's fur. Is this grown boy really an adult?"

The apprenticeship in Rostock, where you have to do window production after graduation, is the limit of boredom. Till Lindemann moved to his father in the countryside so that he could forget about the hustle and bustle of the city and not fall under the article for anti-social attitudes. He thought of a new life, in which there was no pointless work, and arranged an attic in his father's house.

In the mornings over coffee, he scolded life that everything went according to schedule. And listened very loudly to music - electronics and metal. My father didn't understand and grumbled: “I matured late. Naturally, I wanted to listen to the music I liked, but I could not get my hands on these records. For example, my father did not understand when I bought the Alice Cooper record for a month's salary.

Werner Lindemann was a children's writer who went through the war.

At the height of his career he disappeared for weeks on literary tours - his fame spread to teachers and librarians across the country. His father pecked at Lindemann for refusing to work and promised to turn him in:

"My willful child. What doesn't fit his standards is rejected as nonsense or crap." So he took a job as a carpenter, where he made shovel cuttings and cart wheels. The head foreman constantly drank vodka during the day, didn't want to be annoyed with questions and addressed the long-haired Lindemann with the nickname: "Mozart!" This suited him.

Werner Lindemann talked about war, hard existence and limitations. For example, about a grenade splinter that remained in his body. Lindemann did not believe in all these stories - but categorically did not accept service, war and murder:

“After that I objected: “I would hide, I would not go to war. Why did you even let yourself be dragged into this? You could have hidden."

And he said: “It didn't work out. They searched for it and it took away."

Then I said: “I would rather go under arrest. Never in my life, I would go to the front line to shoot people. It's against my nature. It would be better if I went to jail."

Much of the time father and son were simply silent, even while watching television.

"He regularly made me feel guilty, to say the least, he placed himself on a pedestal towards me: I shouldn't complain. At your age, I ran barefoot through the stubble, and in my stomach - a potato in a uniform."

The only acceptance is Mike Oldfield's music: "One day my father came to grumble again. At that moment I was listening to Mike Oldfield, and he sat down and said: "That sounds interesting."

For me it was like a quantum leap: my father sits in my room, listens to my music and thinks it was good. Probably because of melancholy. He was sitting in a rocking chair that I made myself - at the time I was working as a carpenter on a farm. I, too, always sat in an armchair, immersed myself in music and smoked hand-rolled cigarettes."

The conflict was intensified by a fight. Lindemann bought a Trabant car, installed speakers in it and tested the sound - loud as usual. “Then my father came and I had to turn off this fucking music. It was kind of loud for him. He was then fiddling around his cases of flowers, and then suddenly the situation escalated. I think he slapped me while I was still in the car.

He leaned toward me and hit me with the back of his hand. I made some bullshit remarks like, "Leave me alone," something like that. That was a provocation to him, and he said: "If you do that again, I'll hit you for real." And I said, "Then you'll get it back. Because you're crazy. Don't you dare to hit me anymore."

And then he hit me with his palm again. He wasn't controlling himself.

He was exalting himself. Instantly he introduced himself as a boxer - he had boxed in the Hitler Youth - and I just... I thought I didn't hit him, I just pushed him away. And then he stood in front of me again, "Come on, I'll finish you, you haven't got a chance!" Somehow. After that, he went up to the attic and threw all my stuff out the window.

It happened over the weekend, my sister was there, a lot of screaming, serious drama. Then I packed my things, put them in the car, went to a friend's house and never went into his house again. At first I lived with this friend, and a week later I bought myself a house in the village."

His father's book is about his son, which the son will only open up after the death of the father.

Lindemann is a late child. He was born when his father was 36. The gap in their relationship was felt in everyday life and perception of the world. Werner Lindemann woke up early in the morning, worked with the circular saw under the windows and did not understand when his son slept until noon after a working week.

Lindemann's parents then lived separately, but kept in touch. Mom worked as a journalist and discussed her texts with his father. "She still lived in Rostock and always came to see him only on weekends. Mostly on Sundays she came back quite early, because she couldn't stand the stress of being with him, either."

In 1988, the book “Mike Oldfield im Schaukelstuhl Notizen eines Vaters" In this book, Lindemann Senior describes the relationship with his son (whom he calls Timm in the book), who settled with him at the age of 18. The book was written in the 80s and laid on the table until the German Democratic Republic and the Federal Republic of Germany were reunited.

Werner Lindemann wanted his son to take up writing too. But this only amused him, although as a child he wrote poetry. At the age of 13, little Till Lindemann and his father were returning home along the bumpy road to Mecklenburg. They talked about career self-determination:

"You should already have thoughts about what you want to become, boy." My answer: "I don't know yet, maybe a fisherman on the high seas."

But immediately, no matter what I said, objections arose: “But then you have to get a certificate of maturity. But then you will be away all the time. But then you won't be able to start a relationship."

There was always a “but”.

At some point it got on my nerves, as usual. And I said: "Worst case scenario, I'll just become a writer.

I still remember how alienated his face became. "And what do you think then, what do I do! It's a very hard job! In fact, it's not even a job, it's a passion. And it's a job that's supposed to be enjoyable."

I said, "I don't know anybody who works with pleasure."

"Yeah, that's the problem. You have to look for a job that gives you pleasure." Then I say again, "But some people never get to choose..." This gigantic discussion happened because I didn't take his profession seriously. At the same time, he was completely lost, funny!"

Lindemann thoughtfully read his father's book, in which he comprehends their relationship, after his death. Faked for hidden anger and indecision. For example, in a situation where their dog Kurt was bitten by a fox. The father was frightened because of rabies: “At the same time, we did not even know whether he was bitten by a fox or not. The father immediately called the huntsman. But I said: no one will enter this courtyard and shoot the dog. I'll do it myself if I really need it. At some point I really had to kill the dog."

Lindemann is not a monster. The animals he fiddled with are an important attribute of childhood. He had an aquarium and hamsters, brought mice and rats home, and was friends with dogs. “Like many children of new buildings, he felt the need for someone alive, in need of love,” said Werner Lindemann. Sometimes the appearance of an animal in the house was surprising:

“This guy will never say what he's up to. He appears on the doorstep at the same time as me. He gets out from his vehicle, throws his coat open and puts a young black shepherd in my hands. "Your Christmas present!"

Till's father is speechless. My son stands before me like the sun's little brother. Touchingly concerned, he directs me into the house, working out a plan for the animal husbandry, accommodation and diet of our new pet housemate.

With confusion, a question flies from my lips, "Wheredid you get the dog from?" "Timm" is gibbering, "Imagine, the mason in the barnyard wanted to hang him, simply wanted to strangle him with a rope, said he was a worthless eater..."

Werner Lindemann died of stomach cancer in 1993, when his son was 30. They didn't finally reconcile, but Till visited him in his last days and was there for him with his mother: "They couldn't be without each other, even though they lived apart. Unreal, but my mother never had another man afterwards. To this day she can't let go of him."

- Not going to the Olympics in Moscow and ending up in the German ghetto

Lindemann had the knowledge and the potential to be a swimmer. And a shyness that pounded harder three days before the competition than concerts in front of crowds of thousands. "I know how difficult it is to develop willpower and stamina and instill those attributes. In the GDR this was instilled in us by coaches and so-called functionaries."

Lindemann came to swimming at the age of eight and devoted his entire youth to the sport. He would get up for training at five in the morning and pass out in the evening. His grandmother watched him from the stands. At a competition in Leipzig she shouted at the coach, who told Lindemann off for a poor result. The grandmother took the coach by the ear and said: "How do you talk to my grandson?"

Sports tightened up his upbringing and developed self-discipline. “Drilling - probably the boy has already received this experience as a swimmer,” Lindemann's father wrote. - Once he had to take second place in a competition, but by no means first place. Of course, he got carried away, forgot about it, became the first, thanks to which he received a shouting for indiscipline. And whenever he lost in the future, his coach would torture him at practice for a long time and yelled at him: "Even if you win, you're not a winner yet!"

Lindemann swam the 1.5 km freestyle and could have gone to the 1980 Olympics in Moscow. Everything was ruined when he left the hotel without permission during a competition in Florence: "I didn't want to run, but just wanted to look at the city. Cars, bikes, girls. I was caught and kicked out of the team, but then I didn't give the required results either."

Lindemann competed at the European Junior Championships, but did not go any higher. After the story in Florence, his career in sport slipped away. Perhaps an abdominal injury influenced his departure. Lindemann is gone, but he doesn't yearn: "I was relatively young. There were no good [memories] left. I was glad it was over."

"The hardest part was getting back to normal. I fell into a real hole. My home was no longer a sports school, but a ghetto in Rostock. Now I stood out through drinking and fighting. I used to be surrounded only by beautiful ladies who were interested in swimming. Now I had fierce women standing in front of me asking, "How come you don't drink?" When I was shy about approaching a girl, it was interpreted as: "Are you gay?"

Lindemann now works with a coach and swims a few kilometers before his tours to get in shape: "When I exercise, I feel a certain lightness - not only physically, but also mentally. I just feel better. The main problem is staying in shape. That's where self-discipline comes into play. Teeth grinding is important."

- Three weeks in the wild and loneliness as a creative tool

Emotionally, concerts = sports:

"How do I go on tour? Hungry. And happy. It is good to compare concerts with sport. You don't want to do both at first. You don't want to go on stage. You don't want to go to the pool. You don't want to go to the boxing ring. It all happens with reluctance. It has to be accepted somehow, that's life: spring, summer, fall, winter.

When it's done, winter's gone, the blooming begins, greenery appears, it gets bright, and you start to get a taste for it. When it's over, you feel happy. Then the body produces a sea of chemistry, a lot of happiness hormones. I think the body rewards itself."

The stage, like sports, is an embarrassment, but a necessity. Lindemann wore dark glasses in order to collect fewer views from the audience. Therefore, a couple of steps before the water, he looked at the pool with a shiver. You need to cope with yourself in order to open up to new emotions.

Lindemann's gut requires solitude and moderate solitude. This is the point:

“Loneliness is always good for a creative push - you drink a glass of wine and you feel even shitier. Art is not complete without suffering; art exists to compensate for suffering."

With his friend Joey Kelly, Lindemann spent three weeks on the Yukon River. They paddled through the wilderness in a kayak for eight to 10 hours each and lived in a tent. Lindemann didn't take a tape recorder with him, so he transferred the lyrics wandering in his head on paper.

They were catching inspiration and atmosphere:

"There were times when we wouldn't say a word for hours, but then: look there, look there! It was breathtakingly beautiful. These relatively fast-changing panoramas and skies, layers of clouds, the colors.

Except for a few bears and wolves, it's hard to see anyone else out there, it's exhilarating. Along the way we saw two hunters setting traps. No one else.

I grew up in the countryside, and I have a very strong connection to nature. I love fishing, hunting. It's an archaic experience that I like to revisit over and over again. When I'm in the city for too long, I start to miss it."

To recreate situations in the Yukon, Lindemann and Kelly trained for nine months on the Rhine river in Germany because of its liveliness.

"We went down the Rhine to where the transport ships create huge bow waves. If we hadn't had a coach with us, we probably would have been sunk by the side wave impact already during our first attempt," Lindemann said.

Together with Kelly, he had four sessions with two coaches and swam from Cologne to Koblenz [more than 100 kilometers by car]. Lindemann trained separately each week on the lakes in Mecklenburg. It's both physically challenging and savage identical to being natural.

In 2015, Till started his solo project Lindemann. On the album Skills In Pills, the song Yukon was released, in which the lyrics appeared first, and then the music.

- "My lyrics come from pain rather than desire."

The country boy is big and not much of a talker. That's how the Rammstein members saw him at the start, when they were hanging out at home. "He looked cool, like a big peasant talking one sentence an hour," keyboard player Christian "Flake" Lorenz recalled. - He always had food and vodka. He'd just steal a couple of ducks somewhere and cook them on a tray. And then, frozen like in Sleeping Beauty, there were people lying in corners and on trunks in his house."

Lindemann loves and appreciates home gatherings. This came from my father, who always had guests. “In my opinion, this is the little bit that I inherited from him. Throwing parties and gathering people. Throwing parties and getting people together. He just enjoyed being a good host. The house was always full of guests from Leipzig, from Rostock, foreign guests, even from Kazakhstan.

It was always exciting for him. He stood at the stove, cooked, bought an abundance of wine, and there was always a fire in the garden. At some point he stopped drinking, then he left the party at 21:00 and the whole company continued to feast. And in the morning he got up at four, cleaned and tidied up."

Till Lindemann is about self-digging, overcoming and childish shyness, which is covered by a pumped-up figure of a swimmer. This is how Lindemann decrypts himself:

• “And I really am like a big child - ill-mannered, but harmless. People think that I am always strong, explosive. This is not true. I am sensitive and easily hurt, but in love I am romantic and passionate."

• “At the very beginning, you sit somewhere in a dark room, open a bottle of wine and figure out how to make the lyrics popular with the music. At first you only have a vague idea of ​​what it could be.

And when, three years after recording, mixing, and more mixing, developing the artwork, all this nonsense, then you stand on stage, and what you came up with then really works, when you manage to get 20 thousand people to raise their hands, then you experience incredible sensations."

• “Art is a kind of therapy.

When I feel that something is arising inside me, domineering and is most often dark, I need to give it a way out, otherwise it will simply crush me. So destruction and self-destruction are the two pillars on which my creativity is based.

But everyone chooses this for himself.

• “My lyrics arise from feelings and dreams, but still more from pain than by desire. I often have nightmares, and I wake up at night sweating, as I see terrible bloody scenes in my dreams. My lyrics are a kind of valve for the lava of feelings in my soul.

We are all struggling to hide behind good manners and outward decency, but in fact we are governed by instincts and feelings: hunger, thirst, horror, hatred, the desire for power and sex. Of course, there is also additional energy in us - this is love. Without it, all human feelings would fade away."

- "When you're constantly living someone else's life, it's very hard to get back into your own skin. I like that in principle, but sometimes you start to get confused - are you out of a role or not yet. You're already Till, or you're still a homicidal maniac."

- "I hate the noise. I hate the chatter. I expose myself to it, which is pure masochism. And then I have to protect myself from it. Noise makes you crazy. You die in it."

• “I think there is no God. And if he is and actually allows all the misfortunes on this earth, then he must punish me along with other sufferings. I will not pray to such a god."

This is how the members of Rammstein see Till - flexible and with a split personality:

Guitarist Paul Landers: "Till is so good that when you let him know that his lyrics should go in a different direction, the very next day he brings a new version of the song."

Guitarist Richard Kruspe: “He's a hell of an extreme man. He dives very deeply into situations where I cannot follow him. Everything he does is very extreme; I don't know anyone who does it. "

Drummer Christoph Schneider: "I would not want to be in Till's shoes: his soul is tormented by doubts and contradictions, he is equally a moralist and a monster."

June 1, 2021 - Translate by Lindemann Belgium

[missharasser]

My cat is not getting better

Hi, it's happening again. What I thought would be something I could forget about is happening yet again, my other cat is sick and with the same disease as the one that died early this year. I was confused as to why he got sick since I care for them a lot, but the vet told me that FLUTD is really common in males. So here I am, once again asking for help. I truly didn't want to do this since I didn't want to come across as someone who always asks for money, but at this point I don't know what else to do, I've been selling my stuff and doing jobs for people but it is not enough.

His name is Castiel, he's two years old and this past two weeks have been a nightmare, I first realized my cat was sick last week on Monday when I arrived home and noticed he couldn't pee at all, he didn't want to eat nor drink and he didn't have the strength to get on the bed. I took him to the vet immediately and they diagnosed him with FLUTD (Feline lower urinary tract disease).

The vet told me they couldn't use the urinary catheter since they didn't know just how big the crystals and sediment in his bladder were, so they appointed me for an urinalysis and an ultrasound. The next day I went to the appointment and they told me they were now sure he had FLUTD, and that he needed to change his diet and that only with antibiotics and a few shots he would be alright.

Sadly that was not the case. One day passed and I went to the vet to get his medicine but he looked weak and still wasn't eating. I was feeding him with re-hydration solutions and some vitamin gel but it wasn't enough. I couldn't give him too much solution either or his bladder would be damaged since he still couldn't pee. They told that if he looked worse that night that I should bring him fast and not wait for tomorrow. That afternoon I spent every ten minutes checking his vitals and making sure his bladder wasn't hard. Sadly at 7pm his pulse dropped and he wasn't breathing as fast so I took him to the vet, they told me he was getting cold and that he was at a risk of hypothermia. He had to be hospitalized that night.

The next day I went to check up on him and he looked really bad and that's when they told me that he indeed had hypothermia and that it had been really difficult to manage also that a surgery was needed. The urethral obstruction (a blockage in the urethra, which is the tube that carries urine from the bladder and out of the body) got worse and while he had started to pee it hurt him so bad since the clumps were bigger than his urethra.

I told them I didn't have any money left and that I would try to gather enough to pay, but business is business and they told me they could only perform the surgery if I paid. That day I sold my graphic tablet, some glasses and did paid homework. I managed to gather enough money and told them they could start the surgery.

That was last Friday. After that he had to stay hospitalized throughout the weekend. On Saturday I went to check up on him. He looked sick and skinny, still a little weak after surgery and he had an IV since he was dehydrated. They told me that if it went well I could pick him up on Monday.

On Monday he looked way better, still a little disoriented but better. They gave him his medicine and told me that I had to come back again so they could check up on him and give him the rest of the medicine. I took him home and he looked so happy to be here. He was rubbing himself on my legs and my hands while I was sitting with him. The next two days were uneventful, he started to eat, pee and was even meowing. On Wednesday I was told that everything was ok and that I only had to come back in 15 days.

Last night was when all went downhill. He refused to eat and he didn't want to drink anymore. At 2am he puked all over the floor and started shaking a little bit. I was worried but I had to wait until morning to take him to the vet.

His ears and paws started to feel cold so I heated some water bottles and wrapped him up in a blanket and hugged him the rest of the night. Today he wasn't as cold as before but not as warm as he should be. I took him to the vet and they said that he had kind of a water bag in the stomach area and that he would need to have surgery performed again to see what's going on. They're worried that that liquid they feel is pee since it could be mortal. He was dehydrated again since he didn't want to drink anything.

They said that since I have been paying on time for the last week that they could wait this time, they will perform that surgery today and I have a week to pay all the bills that are needed during and after surgery.

Up till now I have spent more than $350 (appointments, ultrasound, medicine, shots, hospitalization, surgery, special dry and wet food, transport, etc) and it may sound like it’s not much but in Mexico it is expensive (almost $7000 pesos). I don't know how to make more money. As some of you know I'm a college student and money is not something I have in abundance. I managed to pay all the bills from last week, but it will probably be the same amount now since he will need new pain meds and noninflammatory, also antibiotics and the days he would have to stay hospitalized.

I love my cat. He has helped me a lot with my depression and I truly don't know what I would do without him. The worst thing is that everytime I think of him I'm reminded that my last cat had the same illness and the he couldn't survive. I'm so anxious right now I just want him to be okay. 

If any of you could help I would be really really grateful. If not, it doesn't matter, just good wishes is enough. I'm still selling some stuff I have and doing some jobs when I find the time, but finals are coming and I'm worried I won't have enough time to study and care for my baby.

https://www.paypal.me/letipimhe

I'm sorry for the long post, but I’m desperate and even if I just get some cents I don't care. Anything helps. If you can’t donate please share, I’ll be really grateful. Also if you’d like to see the receipts so you know I’m not lying just tell me.

[addytheheartbreaker]

"Meet Bezai the Egg"

Name: Bezai Lebedev Cawthorn

Age: 26

Height: 5'9 ft

Weight: 60 kg

Mask singer belong to: Johnny Weir

Friends with: Doll, Dog, Rabbit, Ice Cream, Leopard, Poodle, Lion, Penguin, Bee, Eagle, Alien, Skeleton, Peacock, Ladybug, Purple Peacock.

Appearance: pale white slick side hair, white with gold rings eyes, gold eye-shadow, cheek bones, small beard, white painted nails with gray crack design and a slim but athletic body (figure skating body type).

Clothing style: his fashion design clothing, coats (mainly Russian, Japanese 30's - 50's coat style), fur coats, his egg sunhat, LOTS of bling and jewelly, eccentric or formal suits (Main clothing). Dresses (to his fashion design or Johnny's fashion design), figure skating suits and Johnny's fashion clothing (for formal, party and broadcast occasions).

Fun facts about Bezai:

•the eccentric, narcissistic, flamboyant, stylish and "all eyes on me" Egg man.

•Egg is born a American, Russian and French (his father is American-Russian while his grandfather is French) and he is Japanese ancestry from his mother's side.

•Bezai can speak Russian and French when he was just a child, he taught himself to learn russian then started understanding Japanese when he was 14. He also learned Japanese too when he was 16.

•He is an ally and one of the iconic people of LGBTQ with Leon and Victoria. His sexuality is gay. He is still single.

•Egg is a anime lover since in his early teens. He is a fan of Yuri on Ice and old anime style times. Him and Johnny talk about it on different times.

•Bezai had been keeping his sexuality a secret from public and from Johnny. Johnny has suspected from his behavior after he had found out he had suffered on keeping his sexuality a secret as Johnny was the first person to convinced him to come out and supported him since and today.

•the reason why kept his sexuality a secret is because he had been bullied since childhood.

•as a child, Egg is isolated and trying to fit in to many children and at school. He is an excellent and a honoured student which envied by many students as most boys bullied him. He is also been verbally harassed by boys by calling him homophonic names which is the reason on keeping his sexuality.

•hr started skating in age 15, he is a huge fan of Johnny Weir's skating performance leading him into interesting in skating and fashion.

•he is an egg lover who always eats and cooks egg related dishes. He is an excellent cook and Bezai eats and diet on a healthy lifestyle because of his skating career.

•He is not a fan of fast food because he prefer to eat healthier food. According to Bezai, he considered fast food "a place of wasting your health".

•he owned 4 pets at his mansion and had taking cared properly either himself or his servants. He owned a white stallion, a white snow fox, a Chihuahua and a swan.

•He is a iconic figure skater from Olympic culture, a fashion designer, a model and a interviewer of the Olympian Winter along side Johnny Weir.

•Egg has retired since 2016 due to his injuries gotten worse. But he can still skating properly and begin designing clothing and interview with several Olympian skaters to socialize and teaching/encouraging skaters.

•He had an accident during his skating performance since 2015. He got injured himself both his knee and hips when he is about to do the trick. That accident horrified Johnny concerning his safety.

•He has been pressured so much due to suffered anxiety issues and intense fear of disappointment/failure.

•when he pressured too much, he will 'crack' mentally. He is lucky that he hadn't harmed himself or commit recklessness.

•Bezai's mentor, Johnny is always worried of Bezai's health and his anxiety issues. Fearing the thought of Bezai doing something harmful to himself.

•He had bodyguards and servants to protect, escort and serving him because of his insecurity and needed emergency.

•Egg lived in his own mansion in the middle of a beautiful field, his mansion is a Victorian like castle, a farm for his vegetable harvesting (because of his healthy lifestyle) and his pet horse, a huge gym and a room filled with stuffed animals.

•he is actually a stuffed animal collector, he mainly collect panda, polar bears, snow fox, swans and fluffy and furry stuffed animals.

•Bezai has a soft spot for soft furry fur and he always sleep with a huge egg like bed inside a very soft cushions, pillows and a soft furry blanket. The reason why he is likes anything soft is because he is an Egg. (If you know what I mean)

•the reason why he is sleeping with an egg like bed is because he is afraid of getting caught by dust, germs and caught himself a cold. (If you remember the clues where Egg is inside a big egg container)

•He is a huge fan of Lady Gaga. He had an autograph from his favorite celebrity and he wanted the signature to his most favorite ice skating costume. He even listened to her songs and brought all albums.

•Egg is rocking with heels! He can wear them and dance with it like a real god he is. (Bezai: of course I can rock it, I'm fabulous!)

•He can wear both dresses and suits what ever he likes. If anyone dare to insult or gave him a homophobic insult at him, his bodyguards would murder/assassinated them. He will ignore it and do what ever he wants.

•Egg has a collection of champagne, he only drink it every weekends.

•Bezai and Nicol often compete to each other teasingly as frenemies. Because of the "their chemistry don't mix well" due to Dog's Gothic puck bad boy persona/style and Egg's flamboyant, narcissistic and stylish style didn't mix so well. Bezai often to teasing Nicol by smacking his butt, teasing him into something that makes him embarrassed and bragging for his closeness to Addy while Nicol often to do scare pranks at him (not too much or too far, but didn't do often because of Addy), fake threats, always pulled his egg hat and teased him about his favorite yaoi ships.

•Egg and Ice Cream are partners together before and after the Masked Singer. Because they both food related.

•Egg is really adored to Doll. Addy admired his flamboyance and stylishness (because I have a soft spot to guys with flamboyance and sassy attitude) and all his bling. While Bezai is being impress of Addy's talent, potential on fashion designing, her elegance and Egg literally saw Doll like a model.

•Egg really wanted Doll to become his model because of her beautiful features and body type. However, Doll doesn't wanted to due to my shyness and I had been told that I look like a super model. Bezai convinced me that I am until Nicol caught that attention.

•Bezai becomes Addy's fashionista/fashion designer, her modelling teacher and a good figure to influence her. Nicol proposed him to become Addy's influential to give her better confidence and helping her picking up clothes for her.

•His room when staying at the Masked Singer season 2 mansion, his room is of course Victorian like, pure white with a hint of jewels, ice, crystals and yellow. With his egg bed, fluffy carpet floor, his stuffed animals and mannequins clothing hanging beside his desk of his several designing clothes.

•Egg work out 4 hours every Monday, Wednesday and Friday to keep his body shape in the same body type.

•he owns two weapons: fork like trident and blades heels/shoes. He knows how to use it and he can fight himself for self defense. Despite he has bodyguards to protect him because of the concerning pressure, he can managed to fight alone or competing someone who challenged him or Egg challenging him.

•Bezai's powers is ice and his fighting style are swan technique style (it is actually flight, he prefer it to be called "Grace style"), agility and balancing (a fox style "skater's style") and some kicking attacks (using his blade heels/shoes)

•Egg is actually a friend to Eagle because they known each other in New York both are interviewers, Peacock since he is a fan to Peacock's performance in Las Vegas, Penguin, Poodle, Alien and Lion together meet each other at the gala every year then Leopard, Bee and Ladybug also met at the gala but the three both commonly have a royal like clothing together.

•Bezai met one of Addy's member from her gang. Narcis the Purple Peacock. Since 4 years ago before the accisent, they first met when Bezai is skating himself at the private skating ring until he notice Narcis's skating first and showing off his skills then the Purple Peacock is offering him a special free drink and complement his professional skating skills.

•the mysterious Russian Purple Peacock even gave him a nickname "ваши милости" ("your Graces" in English).

•Narcis is the one who helped the injured Bezai carrying him out if the ice. Bezai wanted to know who is the mysterious charming man and he also remembered he is actually a Russian man.

•Addy knew it because Narcis told her that he had met the iconic Egg man. He told her not to tell him just yet.

•Egg might have a crush on the mysterious Russian Purple Peacock.

•He CAN'T go out without wearing bling. (Bezai: trust me, I won't go outside the place without wearing my jewelry)

[sere22world]

modern life causes tooth decay, and care is unaffordable

Light gently touches the town on the morning of fall Friday: farmers and miners Bank, grocery store

Letteredsignboard is a yellow brick court that advertises sugar for sale.

In many ways, this is Jonesville, the county seat of Lee County, the poorest county in Virginia, and the farthest Appalachian county here.

On this day, all the attention is focused on the suburbs, where the preparations for the free health clinic will be held on the weekend at the small airport are in progress.

The first group of patients will begin to arrive in a few hours.

They will come from roads and highways, nearby towns and valleys further away from southwest Virginia and Kentucky.

Some people hardly have enough gas to go to Jonesville.

A woman drove from Tennessee with her broken glasses in her arms.

Truck and chestx-

Raymachine has stopped at one end of the runway.

When the sky is a little clear, an old plane will fly on the mountain, bringing folding dental chairs, medical equipment, surgical gauze and glove boxes from Knoxville.

The clinic is organized by the medical volunteer team in remote areas (RAM)

This is a non-profit organization that has led hundreds of missions since its inception in 1985 and has brought medical aid to some of the poorest places on Earth.

This will be Ram\'s first visit to Jonesville.

But health problems in the Appalachian region

Cancer, diabetes, joint injury

Nothing new.

Bad teeth are nothing new.

Toothache is nothing new. In LeeCounty —

Remote, isolated and poor

The shortage of various health care is a long-term problem.

Insufficient staff in main and mental health care.

The shortage of dentists is the worst.

According to federal estimates, about 49 million Americans live in communities designated as dental specialty shortages --

One of them is LeeCounty.

If there is a shortage of local dentists like Li county, there is also a shortage of money to pay them.

\"These people are not forgotten,\" explains John Osborne, head of dental at RAM, a Knoxville dentist.

\"The system has passed.

\"At these free weekend clinics, hundreds, sometimes even thousands of sore teeth are pulled out.

Loss of teeth due to illness may indicate other loss of quality of life.

In terms of oral health, complete tooth loss or tooth loss is called \"the ultimate sign of the burden of disease \".

This is a symbol of failure.

The teeth after tooth extraction will not grow back.

However, when routine care is delayed for a long time, when more complex procedures cannot be realized or selected, the extract meets the urgent need to relieve infection and relieve pain.

The news of the Li County RAM clinic program captured headlines in local newspapers.

People talked about it in churches, gas stations and coffee shops in the United States for a few days. S. 58 bypass.

At the airport this Friday, as volunteers struggled to build a field hospital with tents and folding tables, excitement filled the air.

Volunteer doctors, nurses, dentists and health workers are from out of town \".

A man with a \"friend of coal\" bumper sticker on his truck came here with a pizza.

A member of the high school football team, General Li county, is waiting in a red-numbered jersey to help unload the plane and eat pizza on the runway quietly and hungry.

Then there\'s a deep one.

You can hear the roar of throated, and everyone looks up at the sky.

\"Here comes the plane!

Shouted someone.

WarII-vintageC-World

47 freighters landed smoothly, then glistening on the narrow runway at the foot of the mountain.

Stan Brok, founder of Ram, a skinny, charismatic Englishman

Bornadventurer greeted the crowd in a calm, serious way.

As usual, he was wearing a rustic shirt and trousers, all brown.

Block was known for its water dragon fish in the 1960 s-wrestling co-

Star of Omaha Wild Kingdom TV show mutual aid.

When he launched RAM, his initial goal was to provide health care to people living in remote areas

He visited the third world during his trip.

But when he found out that the United States had someone in urgent need of help, he began organizing clinics closer to home. (

Block died in August 29, 2018 after the book was published. He was 82.

The organization he created, \"Medical in remote areas\", is continuing his work. )

Brok told the football players that the plane they saw was used to invade.

One day, young people of their own age parachuted out of the plane at June parach6, 1944.

\"A lot of young people didn\'t come back,\" he explained, as the football players listened with a shy attention.

Then it\'s time to go to work.

These actions honed by Brock over the years are military-accurate and help convey their urgency.

In the direction of Brok, football players began to transport carefully organized boxes of materials from the plane.

Slowly and methodically, the hospital finally took shape on the weekend.

Areas are set up for medical tests and exams.

Glasses are provided free of charge.

Airport waiting room transformed into asix-

President of dental clinic

When the cold of the evening fell on the mountain, a row of cars and pickup trucks were already formed on the way to the airport.

In the darkness before dawn on Saturday, about 400 people were waiting. Worn-

Out-of-town miners, old farmers, tired housewives, and unemployed workers all took their numbers at the door, wrapped in coats and blankets.

Charlton Strader, a retired construction director with tremor and chronic blocked lung disease, said he had dental benefits in the past, but he lost them.

He said his teeth had begun to \"break \".

\"I have always had a problem that bothers me,\" he said . \".

Randy Peters, a former miner and bed-pad worker with multiple hardening, also suffers from his teeth.

\"I have several broken and several bad tooth decay,\" he said . \".

\"So I can\'t eat.

Ernest hodeway, a disabled miner, said he was here to pull his teeth.

\"It won\'t hurt you, but it will,\" he predicted . \"

When he had to leave the coal mine, his dental insurance was over.

Now his teeth are beginning to disappoint him.

\"My teeth have been fine until I start taking arthritis drugs,\" he explained . \".

\"No one wants to lose their teeth.

I heard you have a good life for a few years.

\"He said he had just paid off the $1,500 he owed for pulling out three bad molars teeth, and he was told to pull out these bad molars teeth before knee surgery.

He is still fighting to save his leg. He showed it.

Terrible swelling.

\"I\'m a good person, but I\'m sure I \'ve been tested,\" he said . \".

When the sun rises completely, the city center of Jonesville is empty.

\"Everyone was pulled out of their teeth at Ram,\" said the waitress at the coffee shop . \".

Throughout the day, the patient came out of the dental clinic and clenched the gauze between the remaining teeth.

They sit in the folding chair under the tent to recover, or wait for friends and relatives who are still in service.

\"I \'ve been pulled twice,\" said unemployed nurse Emma Marcy . \".

\"One was infected under the filler.

Marsee\'s daughter, a waitress, is also waiting to be taken care of in the tent.

Marsee says her financial security depends on her smile.

\"It\'s all about appearance,\" said Marsee, a strawberry blonde with golden eyes.

Who wants a waitress with bad teeth \"if you\'re not healthy --

Look at the individual ,[customers]

Don\'t want that person to take care [them].

Everyone in that big tent is struggling.

\"It\'s hard in this area because there\'s no work,\" Marsee said . \".

Even if people are sitting in folding chairs, some people\'s behavior shows fatalism and they are tired of themselves.

Destruction: The girl with her teeth badly rotted drank another Coke.

A thin mother holds a cup of sweet juice waiting for the baby to see the dentist.

The woman who smoked the cigarette coughed so badly.

A study by the Southwest Virginia Federation of graduate medical education found that \"nerves\" are a common complaint in the region.

\"The neural cause that is often reported is that there are too many problems and too few solutions,\" the authors of a study on the problem found (

Southwest Virginia Federation of graduate medical education, \"Report to the Virginia Parliament, January 2008).

The consortium concluded that residents in the area were more likely to commit suicide than people living elsewhere in the state.

Marsee is also familiar with the dark side.

\"Drug abuse in this area is terrible,\" she said . \"

It\'s shown in some hopeless drugs. Black Teeth

The region has long been poor, but people hate to move on.

\"Your roots are here,\" Marsee said . \".

\"It\'s hard to leave it.

\"There is an ancient and beautiful theme --

The green woods are shrouded in the mountains.

The love of family, the good of neighbors, the good of strangers.

When they die, the teeth burn.

This is a very old pain.

There is silent evidence on the human fossil record: the unearthed ancient mummy with a parcel on the lower jaw.

Alaska\'s front teeth, tired of a simple tool, sometimes between 1300 and 1700. D.

Apparently to relieve the abscess.

The teeth of the Danish people in the Middle Ages have a rosary (

Charlotte Roberts and Keith Manchester, Archaeology of diseases, 82).

Decay is a progressive disease that, if not controlled, causes extreme pain and tooth shedding.

There are many factors.

Diet plays a major role.

In a very old age, when there is less and less exquisite food, toothache is a curse of privilege.

When sugar becomes cheaper, tooth decay, the main cause of toothache, becomes more common.

The habit of drinking sweet soda has been widely influenced.

A stable bath of sugar will never allow the teeth to be repaired and remineralised on their own.

Now, hundreds of ordinarythe-

Prescription drugs taken by millions of Americans make teeth more prone to illness.

One of their side effects is dry mouth, which reduces the natural flow of saliva to clean and buffer teeth, helping to protect teeth from decay.

If there is no fluoride to strengthen the teeth, there is not enough regular home care, and there is no timely professional care, the process of the disease will progress.

Severe toothache is not uncommon.

Millions of Americans experience toothache.

A study by the American Dental Association found that economic factors were the main reason why Americans delayed access to the required professional dental care.

Private or even public dental benefits can help pay for services.

But in 2014, it was estimated that there was a complete shortage of Americans.

While the national health care reform plan, which signed into law in 2010, took significant steps to expand access to dental services for children, it did less in addressing the system of adult fragmentation.

Even many working adults with private health insurance do not have adequate dental insurance.

While regular preventive visits can be covered, beneficiaries typically need to pay a percentage of the cost of surgery such as filling, Crown, root canal and implants, which can run to hundreds, thousands of dollars. Among U. S.

A 2015 survey found that for adults struggling with unpaid medical expenses, 12 u202f % of dental bills accounted for the largest share of the bills they paid for the problem.

The researchers concluded: \"Insurance is not a panacea for solving these problems . \"

Most people with dental benefits will lose them after retirement.

Health insurance is a health care program in the United States that covers about 55 million elderly and disabled people, but does not include regular dental services.

Of the more than 1 million residents in nursing homes in the United States, many have particularly severe dental problems.

Since 1987, when federal law sets new standards for institutions receiving health insurance and Medicaid funding, nursing homes are required to provide oral health care services.

However, in the daily cycle of cleaning, turning over and replacing bedridden and disabled patients, simple brushing and dentures care is often overlooked.

The authors of a survey note: \"Clinical studies in most nursing home residents report that oral hygiene is generally inadequate and that related dental, gum, and periodontal conditions are also prevalent . \".

\"Medical and care services are provided almost uniformly, while dental and mental health services are rarely provided.

\"Visits by dental professionals are also rare in many institutions.

Many patients at Louis Anna State dentist Gregory Falls say he has been in his rounds of nursing homes and has not been cared for years.

When he looked at the mouth of a new patient, he was not surprised to find rotten, rampant infections, broken limbs in his teeth, and even cancer in his mouth.

As the dental director of these families, he was given an allowance.

Most patients receive Medicaid, but there are very few adult dental benefits in the state.

Folse estimated that he donated more services than he charged for Medicaid.

He said that he travels 40 to 50,000 miles through the jungle and the Bay every year, drives a pickup truck, carries portable tools and instruments, sets up facilities in nursing homes, community rooms and beauty salons to repair false teeth, tooth extraction.

\"900 patients with severe gum disease or abscess.

Half my patients.

I took all the swollen ones away.

Everyone is in pain.

All the loose teeth

I help them as much as I can.

No money, no money.

Families pay some, nursing homes.

Nobody pays sometimes. I do it.

\"It\'s a challenge for some patients to have dementia and let them open their mouths.

The work is rewarding, he said.

\"I have a patient in a wheelchair.

She had a stroke.

She was happy to have her dentures.

She reached out and grabbed her wallet.

She got inside.

She found a piece of bread. ‘Here doc. Take it.

\"I don\'t want to eat her last piece of bread,\" FRES said with a smile . \".

\"I don\'t know how long it took to put it at the bottom of her wallet.

We have to give up because we are rich.

She gave me her poverty.

\"The rate of tooth damage is a serious economic indicator.

The poor are more likely to suffer from toothache.

Their oral health is worse and it\'s hard to find a dentist who will treat them.

The lack of funding to pay for health care is a major hurdle: one out of every five Americans is covered with Medicaid, a huge federal

The national health care program for the poor.

However, since only a small number of dentists see Medicaid patients, insurance does not guarantee access to treatment.

Under Medicaid, children are entitled to dental care, but often face difficulties in accessing services.

Less than half of dentists see any Medicaid patients in most states included in the 2010 study in the United States. S.

Office of Government Accountability

A 2016 study by the American Dental Association found that in the program\'s database of insured children, the proportion of dentists registered as Medicaid providers nationwide was 42.

But this percentage does not necessarily reflect the percentage of dentists actually participating in this program.

\"That doesn\'t mean you see a child with Medicaid.

That doesn\'t mean you have an open date, \"said Marko Vujicic, an economist who helped lead the study.

\"Think of it as what it is.

This is the best data we have.

\"This is more difficult for adult beneficiaries of Medicaid.

Adult dental benefits are an optional part of the state Medicaid program.

They are the first line of projects during the fiscal tightening period and will eventually become the chopping board for the budget.

Toothache is the destroyer of sleep.

They make it very painful to eat, work and raise children.

It is the poor who are most likely to pray to heaven for relief.

They resort to legal and illegal drugs and civilian remedies.

Some even pulled their teeth out of despair.

In the free clinic in Li county, in the solid, stoic mountain people, Tabitha Hay, her fragile face and dark eyes looked like a lost Tropical was blown away by the storm.

She and her motherin-

Lao and her husband arrived at the clinic after the 13 th.

Bellevue, Florida is an hour\'s drive away. They were self-employed.

They clean the house and take care of the pets. off retirees.

After work on Friday night, they drove all night to Jonesville.

All three of them need to be taken care of, but Tabitha, twenty

Six, the most needed.

She was hurt by a molar tooth that rotted under the filling.

\"I feel like my chin is squashed,\" she said . \".

\"Sometimes the pressure is like an explosion.

I\'m hungry, but I can\'t eat it.

In order to sleep, I have to put a heating pad on it and nothing can eliminate the pain.

\"After missing a week of work, she tried to get back to work the day before her trip.

\"I try to work.

I can\'t do anything.

I cried in the back seat.

A dentist in Florida told her that the cost of the withdrawal would reach $500, she said.

That\'s the money she didn\'t have.

She arrived too late to receive care at the free clinic on Saturday.

She was told to wait until Sunday.

At night, she slept in red Kia with her husband and mother --in-

Face another night of pain.

[carpejren]

Date Number One || Jerabeth

Jeremy: After Kendall picked up the kids Jeremy got in his car and headed to pick up Elizabeth. He didn't know if she would like the date idea that he decided on but at the last minute he had texted her and told her to wear whatever she wanted but to make sure she was in sneakers. When he arrived at her house he rand the doorbell and waited.

Lizzie: When she got the text to make sure she had sneakers she changed into a pair of slim black leggings with see through mesh at different areas of her legs, threw on her light sneakers and a tank top before grabbing an extra layer just in case. It was just enough time before the doorbell rang and she made it down the steps. "Hey," she smiled, "Perfect timing just got finished getting ready."

Jeremy: He smiled when the door opened and he saw her. "I'm good like that," he smirked. Jeremy led her to the car and opened the door for her. "I hope you like what we're doing." He commented when he started driving.

Lizzie: Jeremy led her to the door of his car and opened it allowing her in. Buckling her seatbelt she moved and settled herself in putting her phone in the side pocket on her thigh that the leggings had. "I'm sure I'll have a blast, care to share what the actual plan is?"

Jeremy: He grinned, "Universal Studios is having a twenty-fifth anniversary weekend even for Jurassic Park. They're doing a screening of the movie and then there's rides and panels and stuff. I thought it'd be fun."

Lizzie: "Aw yes!" She said happy dancing in her seat. "I mean, it's classic. Wait, are we talking the original Jurassic Park or all of them and these panels is Chris gonna show up because you do realize I will tackle him right?" She laughed as she shifted. "And I hope you like rides because yes I will drag you on as many as possible."

Jeremy: Jeremy was thrilled that she liked the idea. "It's the original movie and the panel for the filmmakers of the new Jurassic World movie. I don't think Pratt will be there." To be honest the man never thought he'd be going on another first date but he was excited at the possibility of where things could go with Lizzie; he already knew they worked well together when it came to sex.

Lizzie: "Oh, well I'll attack Pratt when we're back on set." She murmured knowing that with the last installment of the Avengers they would all be brought back even for momentary clips so be it. It was no surprise Elizabeth loved her Marvel family but she could handle missing Pratt while on a date with Jeremy. "So favorite ride at Universal, everyone has a favorite what's yours? They're open late tonight." She said showing the app she had just downloaded with wait times and different areas. "Probably because of the Jurassic Park event. This is gonna be fun. Hope you slept well." She grinned.

Jeremy: "I don't know if I have a favorite ride. I don't frequent amusement parks. As far as I understood from the event information I think this is strictly a Jurassic Park event so I'm not sure if the whole park is open or just part of it. Oh, there's also a trivia thing at the end of the night. The event ends at midnight and then I figured we could see where the rest of the night brings us."

Lizzie: "Trivia?" She perked up, "Ugh it's like you know me so well. I love trivia nights." It was true she loved having friends over for this particular game night event even if she didn't know the most about different things. "But on a side note we need to get you to amusement parks more often. They're fun, life's short we gotta enjoy these things." She smiled, "Also, I don't know how bomb I'll be at the trivia but I'll try and act like I do." She laughed. "As long as there's food somewhere in this day you can keep me out as late as you'd like."

Jeremy: He never would have planned a date like this for him and Kendall and it wasn't until that moment, when he was listening to how excited Elizabeth was, that he realized Kendall did the right thing. He had been holding onto their past for so long he couldn't see their future was better off with someone else. "I don't have time for that. I got things to do, money to make." He smirked, "I'm sure you'll do fine and of course there's food."

Lizzie: "Oh shut up." She said rolling her eyes, "Money to make, you get time off, I get time off. You, Jeremy Renner, are gonna start doing more things than just work. No arguing." She pointed at him. "Don't make me bring out my inner Scarlet Witch on you." She grinned before shaking her head. Elizabeth was just an easy going spirit, she put her whole heart into things she was working on but she had seen so many things with her sisters struggles that she was determined to live the best life, enjoy the small things. "Good, because I am a person who gets hangry."

Jeremy: "I'm going to be taking a break from acting soon to focus on my music and spend more time with the kids. I think I want to travel with them." He laughed at her words, "I've spent a lot of time around you, trust me, I know."

Lizzie: "I think that's great, well working on your music. People will miss your face on the big screen." She said as she shifted in the seat of the car. "Traveling sounds like a fun time, won't that be kind of hard sharing them with your ex though?" she shrugged, "Sorry, not my business." She corrected. "What can I say, I love food. And I always felt like I needed to be on a diet when I was younger so now I appreciate food and that turns into hangry Liz if things don't go as planned." She chuckled.

Jeremy: "I'll probably go back to acting at some point but music has been my passion for awhile now. I just have the contract with marvel so while I'm waiting for that to run its course I've been doing some movies that really spoke to me, like Wind River." He shook his head, "With Kendall's work she travels a lot too, I'm sure I can take the kids places while she's busy being a supermodel." He frowned slightly at her words, "Were you ever as bad as your sister?" He asked obviously referring to the time when Mary Kate was hospitalized for anorexia.