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hazz-a-bear · 7 months

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AS LONG AS I'M WITH YOU, wen junhui

♡⸝⸝ maybe you should have given Jun a little more time to prepare himself to meet your parents.

.ᐟ fluff. established relationship. jun is a ball of anxiety. so many pet names. mention of emotional distress/anxiety. mention of reader bringing home a girl. very brief mention of homophobia ( only if you squint )

a/n: my first work to be posted on tumblr! I hope everyone likes this, don't hesitate to give me feedback

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"So you're one hundred per cent sure that what I got is enough? I feel like it's not. Oh yn, you could've let me get the tea set too!"

Jun whines from the passenger seat for the hundredth time. His mouth has been working overtime since the two had gotten in the car - questions, complaints and fusses leaving his mouth nonstop through the entire ride.

Approximately two weeks ago, on a random Tuesday night, you had casually thrown a question at Jun over dinner. "Mom called today. She wanted to have dinner since I hadn't visited them in a while. I was wondering if you wanted to go with me? They can finally meet you, Jun"

The simple question that came out of your somehow resulted in Jun choking on his next bite of rice.

If you'd thought Jun was overdramatic before (affectionately), you had definitely underestimated to what extent he would go after you had invited him to meet your parents.

The last two weeks had been hectic for Jun. As soon as he processed the invitation, he immediately made it his mission to get something - a first impression gift, he said - for your parents. When you firmly told him that he doesn't need to get anything, he looked at you like you just told him the Great Wall isn't in China. "Do you want your parents to hate me, yn? He had scoffed. "You weren't expecting me to just show up without anything, right? That's literally the easiest way to look bad in front of any parent"

Since then, Jun had been lurking on every single online website - hunting for household items with a concerningly deep determined look in his eyes. On Friday, he dragged you to a home appliance store nearby, immediately demanding your honest and brutal opinions on the porcelain tea sets on display. And that's when you admitted that maybe Junhui was a little more insane than you thought he was.

Surprisingly, you managed to convince Junhui to only stick to a couple of scented candles, incense sticks and coasters in the end. But it still didn't stop him from whining about how he still could've made a better impression with one of the tea sets he had been eyeing.

"Jun, sweetheart" You sigh, eyes set on the road ahead of you "There was no way I was gonna let you buy a whole ass tea set. Mom has plenty of sets at home, she doesn't need another one"

"Yn, I love you, but, the tea set isn't meant to be given as a function. I don't expect her to put it to use. It's more of a symbol of appreciation"

Damn your boyfriend and his ability to speak complete nonsense and somehow make it sound reasonable. "A symbol of appreciation? For what?"

"For letting me have their daughter, yn, obviously!" From the corner of your eye, you can see the way his arms are flailing around as he tries to argue with you. It's amusing, really - the way this got him all worked up and sweating like he's at dance practice.

"Respectfully, Jun, they didn't let you have me, you know?" You smirked, a teasing lilt to your voice. "They just didn't know and when they finally did, it was already too late. You were way too deep in love with me"

"You're right" Jun surprisingly agrees with you, making you look towards him with slightly raised eyebrows. Usually, he would have picked a fight. Arguing about how you're the one who fell first and the biggest simp in your relationship. So when he actually agrees with you without snapping back with a witty remark, you realize that his mind is preoccupied with the nervousness of the dinner with your parents more than you had realized.

"Jun?" You call softly to get his attention and wait till he replies with a hum. "Are you okay, love?"

Jun is silent in his seat. You take a quick glance at him to see him looking out the window, lips pulled under his teeth while he seems to be deep in thought. His hands are resting on his lap, fingers wringing each other in an attempt you recognize as him trying to calm himself down. Your eyebrows furrow in concern at the sight of Jun twitching in his seat, clearly anxious about this whole ordeal.

Looking in the rear mirror to see if you can slow down, you reach out to him with one of your hands - the other holding the steering wheel tighter. Jun almost jumps when he feels your cold hand settle on his before he laces his fingers with yours, his hold tight.

"Sorry," His voice is quiet, almost apologetic. "I'm just- I'm fidgety, cause, I'm nervous"

"Don't be sorry, baby, no" You assure him with a squeeze of his clammy hands. "It's okay if you're nervous, it's completely fine. Remember when you took me to meet your mom and dad? I was almost crying by the time we got there"

"Yeah, I remember" He sighs. "But I just- just can't help it, you know? What if they don't like me, yn? What if they think I'm not good enough- all sorts of what ifs"

You understood what he said, you really did.

When Junhui asked if you wanted to meet his family two months into your relationship, you had been anxious to the same extent - if not more. What was different was Jun had asked you almost a month in advance, giving you enough time to freak the fuck out about it, let it process, come to terms with it and finally get ready. When you think about it now, it makes you feel bad realizing you had only given Jun approximately two weeks to prepare himself for this.

"Junnie, I'm sorry if this is so sudden," You say, making him turn to you on a whim. "Fuck, I should've given you more time to get ready. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for you to get anxious, Jun"

"No, no, yn. It's not your fault, baby" Jun is quick to reach over the console, a clammy hand coming up to press under her chin in an attempt of reassurance. "It was sudden, true but this was going to happen sooner or later, no? Meeting your parents? I'm just the normal amount of nervous, okay? Don't worry baby, you didn't do anything"

As if to emphasize his words, Jun brings your laced hands to his lips, pressing a kiss to the back of your palm and another one to your wrist. You relax a little into your seat, his words starting to make sense in your mind.

Soon, you're putting out the right turn signal before making a turn off the main road. You can feel Jun's hand tense around yours a bit more and you give him another squeeze of assurance. He watches out his window as you drive along the road that leads to your house. All the houses in the neighbourhood are gates, screaming sophistication at any guest that passes by. You know that compared to other neighbourhoods, yours is considered to be a bit more upper-class and rich. And Junhui is definitely enamoured by it.

"Yn, you actually grew up in a fancy neighbourhood" His mouth is almost hung open. "All of the houses have gates!"

You laugh at the excitement that takes over his features, the anxiety seemingly slipping away from him in the process. You can't help but take occasional glances at him as you continue to drive up ahead. It's only when you turn towards a clearing that with an already opened gate, he suddenly tenses again.

"Oh god," You can hear him mumble under his breath, both of his hands now coming to hold on to yours that rest on his lap. The gate opens to a paved driveway, large trees carefully sitting on both sides. You slowly pull inside and at the end of the long driveway, the house you once called home stands proudly.

The closer you get to the house, the fidgety Junhui gets. His knee is bouncing up and down in clear distress so you hold on to him a little tighter, reminding him that you're right there. He waits as you drive to the side of the house, stopping the car next to the garage which holds your dad's cars. You can almost feel the anxiety that bounces off of Junhui, circulating the car like a scent and it makes you sad, knowing he's this nervous about meeting your parents.

As soon as your hand leaves the steering wheel and pulls on the parking gear, Junhui is almost scrambling to your side of the car over the console and immediately hiding his face in your shoulder.

"I'm so scared" He's mumbling into your your skin once his face is pushed against your neck, shaky breath fanning over you warmly.

You bring up your other arm which isn't clutching Jun's to put around him before pulling his body towards you. It's a weird angle considering how he's almost leaning his entire upper body over the console of the car but neither of you could care less about the way the gear is pressing into his tummy in a way that is not comfortable. What matters right now is the fact that you're there to hold him while he freaks out about what will happen once he gets out of the car.

He sighs again, relaxing a little in your hold as you press your lips to his temple. "What if...what if they don't like me, yn? What do I-"

His words are unceremoniously cut off when you pull away by a little, only to press your lips against his in a quick manner. He shuts up then, closing his eyes and deepening the kiss, trying to drink in your entire being if you're offering. It's evident in the way he unconsciously tries to chase your lips with his when you go to pull away.

"Baby, no" You assure him in a hushed whisper, forehead resting against his temple. "They're not gonna hate you, I promise. They won't, darling"

The look on Jun's face remains the same, unconvinced and doubtful even though you put up the most certain voice you're able to. There's a slight crease in his eyebrows and the way his eyes fail to focus on yours says enough though - he's terrified.

"Baby" You croons, freeing your other hand from his before bringing them both up to his face.

Jun's cheeks are cold under your fingers, probably a result of the blasting AC in the car. Your hands must be cold as well if the way he flinches when they rest on his skin says something. Yet, his eyes slightly droop on the contact, almost leaning into the touch with a small smile that paints across his lips. It makes you smile too, the way he's so willing to lean into the warmth ( or the icy cold feel ) of your hands.

"They'll be nice, baby, I promise. Don't you think they'll at least try to be nice to the first boy I've ever brought home, hm? It's a new milestone"

His cheeks are immediately flushing at your words - the knowledge of him being the first to meet the parents settling something warm and fuzzy in his stomach. You smile to yourself as you see the mischievous little smile that stretches across his face.

"How do I trust you, huh?" He says with a slyness to her voice, looking up at you from the gaps in his lashes.

"Trust me about what?" You play along while your fingers brush away locks of brown stray hairs that fall across his forehead.

"When you say I'm the first boy to meet your family?" His usual playful smile is now etched into his face, making him look young and boyish. Now that he doesn't seem to be as worried as he was before, you realize he's up to no good. Jun is skilled in knowing just how to pull the strings and make you the right amount of annoyance at any given time. "Does that mean you've brought girls home, hm? What if you're just saying it to make me feel better?"

"Oh, jun, baby. If I had brought girls home, I would've gotten kicked out a long time ago, don't you think?" You chuckle despite the heaviness of the words that come out of your mouth. Jun smiles too, seeming to agree with you. "And trust me, you'd know why I haven't brought anyone home all this time once you meet them, okay?"

And just like that, Jun's face is crumping again in your hold before he's whining in a high voice while leaning away from you. "Yn, why would you say that? That sounds even scary"

You chuckle while Jun fake cries in his seat, suddenly ranting about how he would not hesitate to break down in actual tears if your family intimidates him enough. While he goes on and on about the miserable state he's in, you reach behind you and grab the bag of 'first impression gifts' Jun had brought.

When you got in the car earlier, you had jokingly pointed out how he's only doing this to suck up to your parents and kiss their ass. And Jun being dramatic as he is had dismissed you with a sassy flick of his wrist saying 'Yn, it's not kissing ass to bring something as a visitor. It's basic human decency. It's an unwritten rule of Asian households. You should know that!'

As soon as you grab the bag from the backseat, Jun is shuffling to take it from you, sticking his hand inside and mentally checking out a list of the things he's gotten to make sure he hasn't forgotten anything.

As you wait for Jun to finish, you turn off the car, pocketing your keys and wallet. Jun has finished his counting when you turn back towards him. He's leaning against the door on his side, bag resting on his lap and hands once again nervously twitching on top of it.

The look in his eyes is fond as he looks your way, but it doesn't take a genius to understand that it's only masking a lot of nervousness and unease behind them. His lower lip is caught between his teeth as he rapidly chews on it, purely out of habit. So you reach before carefully thumbing under his lips, trying to get him to stop.

"Take your time, Jun. There's no rush. We have all the time. Let me know when you're ready"

Junhui had always been naturally fidgety when it came to approaching new people and being introduced to new conditions. And even more so if it's related to your past that he hadn't been present in. Jun tends to care a lot about first impressions - always fussing over his appearance, his behaviour and his attention to detail. As much of an extrovert as he is, it's always quite hard for him to take the first step towards instant socializing.

In disparity, you're the one who's capable of grounding him whenever it happens. Even though he's freaking out of his mind, as long as he's able to feel the familiar sense of your fingers lacing his, nudging the right amount of pressure against his skin, he's good to go. So even now, as he's trying to regulate his breathing and try not to scream in dread, the feeling of your lips pressing into his cheek in the form of security, assurance and a promise - it's enough to hold him from falling apart.

thank you.

#seventeen #seventeen imagines #seventeen fluff #wen junhui #wen junhui imagines #wen junhui fluff #moon junhui #junhui imagines #junhui fluff #wen junhui x reader #seventeen x reader #junhui x reader #svt jun #esa.writes #esa.seventeen #esa.jun #hazz a bear #hazz-a-bear

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finleyforevermore · 6 months

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Hey guys! How've we been since I've been away? Hm? Not good? Yeah, I thought so.

I was AFK (which means Away From Keyboard for those who weren't aware, or didn't think to Google it /nm) because my mom had taken away my phone for a bit but I could still use it to help with my math homework.

I did lurk around Tumblr a bit, and I did "officially" come back online for a bit, but I mostly lurked.

And how delightful it was to see (can not clarify enough how sarcastic this is) that someone I follow but am not moots with decided that March 20th was the day they were doing to commit suicide. They did not succeed. But they sure as hell scared the fuck out of me. Same story I've seen before with my other friends, abusive parental figure, and possibly SA'd like some of my other friends. Lovely.

And then ANOTHER friend as it turns out has an extremely abusive mother and got fucking strangled by aforementioned mother, then said in the posts of a vent post, "something something maybe she should've killed me".

Being technically AFK I had to go on anon for a bit and try my damndest to prove to my friend that their mother is beyond saving, and there's no use seeing her in a positive light, and they by no means deserve what happened to them. I don't know if it worked. If you see this, I'm sorry if I came off as rude. But that really was the straw that broke the camel's back.

I'd been trying to keep together fairly well but I had been thinking of Liam, Nex's death was ruled a suicide (and now his murderers will not be charged), all of my other friends are traumatized and now I've discovered another friend has an abusive parent, and someone tried to fucking kill themselves.

And so, we have this. This song has been my coping mechanism for the past several weeks and what I can best describe as my theme song. Whenever I see something tragic with either my friends or someone else my first thought is the words of this song. Largely because of the themes of getting salvation for the unjust wrongs done upon Sweeney or in this case my friends.

I really don't know why I was blessed to know such wonderful incredible beautiful people only for them to suffer relentlessly and have gallons upon gallons of trauma.

Do bad things happen? Sure. But with my friends it's non-stop. One traumatic event after another after another after another and I'm. Just so done. I'm so sick. And I'm so tired. Of everything. Of all the pain and suffering. Of the fact I can't do anything. Of the fact I feel too much. This probably shouldn't be impacting me so much but for some reason it is.

I would've been apprehensive posting this because I'm kind of self-conscious about my voice but some of my friends are suffering 24/7 so I think my voice is the last thing I should be worrying about.

Enjoy if you want. Or don't. That's ok too. Love you guys.

@literatureisdying

#voice reveal #tw abuse #tw sa mention #tw sa #tw parental abuse #tw parental issues #tw child abuse #tw sui ideation #tw sui talk #tw sui attempt #tw suicide #epiphany #sweeney todd: the demon barber of fleet street #sweeney todd the demon barber of fleet street #sweeney todd #epiphany sweeney todd #finley sings a song! 💚🎧

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joelswritingmistress · 11 months

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Last Halloween: Chapter 11

Summary: After a tragedy involving Joel happened on Halloween one year prior, the town now shuns him while ignoring the details of the now closed case. You are seemingly the only one to offer empathy to a man the town is making out to be a monster.

Pairing: Joel x f!reader

An overcast sky overtook the former sunny day as you drove across town in the mid-afternoon. Somehow you enjoyed the slate background better than the blue, as it contrasted the yellow and orange leaves that fell from the trees. You were quite literally living in one of those fall ambience backgrounds that littered Instagram and Tumblr.

Passing the town green made you smile to yourself, as groups of kids of all ages were putting up scarecrows for the annual contest. While there was so much ugly that lurked in the shadows, you took time to appreciate the good that outshined it.

As you passed by the coffee shop you subconsciously ducked down because of the call out you made. Inside you caught a glimpse of two of your coworkers and a small part of you felt a tad guilty.

They're making money, you reminded yourself. And it wasn't like it was the weekend. You knew your guilty conscious was unmatched.

When you arrived home there were no cars in the driveway and you wandered inside. You helped yourself to a quick snack, tempted to open one of the bags of Halloween candy that the four of you had been buying weekly in anticipation for the trick or treaters on Halloween night.

Rather, you tossed a handful of potato chips onto a paper plate and scooped out two spoonfuls of French Onion to the side.

"How am I still hungry?" You spoke to yourself, dunking a ruffled chip before popping it into your mouth.

A noise from down the hall made you freeze for a second and you stopped chewing. You looked around the empty kitchen and continued to listen. When there wasn't another noise you continued to chew and wrote it off as something from outside.

The second noise, however, you couldn't ignore. Naturally you wanted to call out, 'hello', but you had seen one too many movies to even consider it.

Did I miss someone's car in the driveway? You wondered. No was the answer. You didn't have to look to double check; but you did anyway. The only car parked out there was your blue Mazda.

You eyed the hallway that led down to your bedrooms and took a deep breath. The creak of a door held you firmly in place again and your stomach knotted up. The faces of Vic, the cops from the night before and even Steve popped into your head.

"Shit." You whispered to yourself, glancing toward the front door. Carefully, you tiptoed in that direction, but you didn't get all of two steps and someone emerged from your bedroom.

You screamed. They screamed. You were about to run to the door but it registered who you were screaming with.

"Winnie!" You shrieked her name.

"I didn't hear you come in," she confessed, breathing heavy with a black dress in her hand.

"Is that my dress?"

"I texted you asking if I could borrow it for a night out with Jacob but you didn't respond."

"I'm sorry." You rummaged in the pocket of your hoodie for your phone and saw you had somehow overlooked the message from your friend. "Where's your car?"

Winnie raised her eyebrows and then looked away with a smirk. "I Ubered home last night after a party at the beer garden. My car's still in the parking lot."

You laughed and caught your breath, sighing out loud. "Shit. I thought you were an intruder."

Winnie laughed. "I just thought I was alone."

"Well, you can borrow the dress." You laughed. "You don't even have to ask."

Winnie stalked up to where you were standing. "Where were *you* last night?" She asked with playful accusation.

The look on your face gave away most of what she needed to know.

"Who is he?" Winnie asked. "And what the hell? You haven't told me about a guy. Ooo wait, was it a one night stand? Was it Steve?" Her questions came out in rapid fire and it made you laugh again.

"No and no," you replied as quickly as possible and then added a third, "No," for good measure.

"Okay, so.. spill it! Ahh I'm excited!" Winnie's energy was through the roof, and often contagious.

"You have to promise you won't judge."

"I'm a little hurt you even have to lead off like that."

"I know, I know. Okay." You let out a deep breath. "Umm.. well.. I've been seeing.." you let out a second deep breath, "Joel Miller."

Winnie's eyes were on the verge of cartoonish from the way they bugged out of her head. "Wait? Actually?"

You nodded. "I know what people think about him. But I know the whole story."

"I never really thought he was guilty of anything anyway."

"You didn't?"

"I've seen that Johnny dude around in the past. Saw him straight up smack his girl in the parking lot behind Oakshire Tavern. And I'm not talking about a little smack, I'm talking about sending her to the pavement in her finest dress smack."

"Oh my-"

"Yeah. My dad told me all about them and the way they terrorized people in high school and stuff. He's like, a few years younger, but he knew of them."

"Wow." You shook your head in disbelief.

"You're really letting old man Miller tap that?" She asked, making you both laugh.

"We.. just did.. last night." You eyed the ceiling with a grin and then looked back to Winnie.

"Isn't he, like, thrice our age?"

"He's 41."

"Damn." Winnie grinned and then laughed again, this time putting her hands on her knees. "I need time to process this."

"You and me both." You laughed and let out a sigh, thankful for your friend's lighthearted reaction. "You don't care? Like, you don't think I'm weird?"

"I'm a little in shock," she admitted with a laugh. "And I still can't tell if you're kidding."

"I'm not kidding," you promised.

Winnie shrugged, still grinning so hard you suspected her cheeks hurt. "Then go get some."

You chuckled again and put a hand on your forehead. "Shit you scared me." You changed the subject.

Winnie continued to giggle. "I'm sorry. It's this town. It's the Halloween stuff that gets us all spooked."

"Yeah." You didn't want to indulge in the handful of other reasons you had for being jumpy.

The two of you wandered to the couch and you flipped on the television. Right away, on AMC, one of the Halloween movies was playing. The two of you looked at one another and Winnie shrugged.

"Might as well." She went and lit a candle, reaching for a blanket to cozy up under. "Joel Miller," she said quietly, making you slowly turn your head in her direction.

You both laughed again and alternated between talking, laughing and watching the movie for the next hour. Being around Winnie for that lull in the day was like chicken soup for the soul.

By the time you met back up with Joel you had that same refreshed feeling. Two out of three of your friends thus far had had your back. You were nervous, but certain, that Chrissy would be on the same page once you had the opportunity to talk to her.

Knocking on Joel's door and seeing him standing there to greet you with a kiss and smile was all you had ever wanted in relationship. Things were moving fast. It was scary in its own way; but it was exciting and fun and left you feeling lighter that air. This was the type of relationship you never expected to find after your long stint in the dating pool.

"The rest of work was good?" You asked, practically pinning yourself to him as you linked your arms behind his neck.

"Mmmhmm.." Joel kissed you on the lips. "What'd you do all afternoon?"

"Watched a movie with Winnie. She passed the vibe check."

"Vibe check?"

"She's in our corner, too." You told him. "Said her dad told her the same type of stuff about the Champagne family." You pecked his lips and then changed the subject. "We're not on a strict schedule or anything are we?" You asked, "As far as tonight's plans go?"

Joel shrugged and eyed a clock on the wall. "No. Why?"

You locked the door behind you and then walked toward the staircase, resting an arm on the bottom of the banister with a suggestive smirk. Your eyes looked up toward the second floor and then back to Joel in such a way that would've clued in even the most innocent of men.

A wide smile formed on Joel's face. "You know we may never get to dinner if I follow you up there, right?" He stalked to where you stood there waiting for him.

When he got close enough, your arms reached up around him as he initiated a shamelessly long and urgent kiss - the kind that were saved for behind closed doors.

You moaned into his hungry mouth. "That's a risk I'm willing to take."

CLICK HERE FOR CHAPTER 12

@untamedheart81 @amyispxnk @grogusmum @ghostwritesthings @strawbunnyx @ayamenimthiriel @noisynightmarepoetry @jiminstinypinky @tuquoquebrute @pedr0swh0r3 @runningmom94 @mellymbee

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chiharuhashibira · 11 months

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Hello everyone!

Writing here a next part to my first fic here in Tumblr, 𝐂𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐊𝐚𝐦𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐤𝐨 𝐬𝐪𝐮𝐚𝐝'𝐬 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐠𝐮𝐢𝐬𝐞. But yep, as you can see, I am Chiharu Hashibira and my fave part there is Inosuke's confused part. So, I'll write for my baby Inosuke HAHAHA

Also applying here the correction that was pointed out last time XD Using Kamuro now instead of Oiran on the flashbacks 💓 Also, this is kind of a Fix-it Fic for Inosuke. So if you don't like it, feel free to scroll XD Sankyuuu!

Hope you'll enjoy this Inosuke lovers!

W/N=wrong name

𝓜𝓪𝓼𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓵𝓲𝓼𝓽

𝑪𝒂𝒕𝒄𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒅𝒊𝒔𝒈𝒖𝒊𝒔𝒆

𝐀𝐠𝐞𝐝 𝐮𝐩 𝐈𝐧𝐨𝐬𝐮𝐤𝐞 𝐇𝐚𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐛𝐢𝐫𝐚 𝐗 𝐅𝐞𝐦!𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

Content Warnings: Curse words but fluffy!

Preview:

Back when you were a kamuro, you caught Inoko red-handed. Yes, apparently, he is a man, Inosuke Hashibira, and he tries to find the demon that seems to be lurking in the Ogimoto House. But then, he needs to find that demon before Monjiro finds it first, so he tries to make you forget what you saw by... kissing you. Oh well, the guy had seen a man and a woman do it, and apparently, the woman had forgotten that they were in public. So yeah, you just ride with what he thought. (He is naive and adorable.) But the catch is... you need to stop him from making other people "forget".

Timeskip to ten years later... Ten years after the fight with Daki and Gyutaro. Also ten years of not seeing Inosuke ever again after he had saved your life.

It was unexpected. You didn't plan on liking Inosuke, but after that first incident, and after he had really saved you from the demon who roamed in your town, things became deeper.

You can't forget about his green eyes, his wonderful face, and that naivete. It's been years since you last saw him.

Yes. Years.

The Inoko and Inosuke that you met that night are now only lurking within your dreams.

"Perhaps he's already 25 by now. If he's still alive, perhaps he's even married by now."

You wondered as you looked up at the night sky. The day when he tried to "make you forget" came back into your head, which made you smile. You have missed the softness of his lips.

You will never exchange that moment for anything else. And perhaps that is the reason why you walked out of the possibility of being an oiran. You wouldn't want anyone to kiss you ever again, unless it was that beautiful kamuro... That same boar-head boy that you met ten years ago.

Surprisingly, despite turning down the opportunity to be promoted as an oiran, you still lived in the same town.

After the Daki and Gyutaro incident, you went out of the house and tried to find a good future outside the district. But that's when you got sick, and fortunately, a wonderful old woman had taken you in as her granddaughter. And after she passed, here you are, managing the house that she owns.

For years, you had been desperate, wishing that Inosuke would even drop by as a client. But that time never came, and you tried your best to make peace with the thought that perhaps the boy had died.

Inosuke had saved you after Daki's obi had already almost absorbed you. That's the last time you've seen the boy, and until now, you've still missed him a lot.

You stopped walking and fixed your kimono as you watched how lively the streets were tonight. For some reason, you felt eyes on you, and that caused a shiver on your spine.

You looked around, feeling confused, and there, in the midst of the crowd, your eyes landed on a man clad in a bright blue kimono. You swear that you will never forget those raven locks that are fading into blue at the tips. Also, those unruly bangs surprisingly don't cover his marvellous green eyes.

"Inosuke?"

Your whisper seems to travel into his senses, despite him standing 10 feet away from you. The curious lad turned in your direction with wondering eyes. The naivete in those green eyes seems to have long faded, but the same familiar aura envelops the man. This is definitely Inosuke.

His eyes pierced yours, and he walked in your direction with wonder. When he's finally face-to-face with you, Inosuke crosses his arms and tilts his head to the side. "Why do you know me?"

A tinge of pain stabbed your heart. Of course, why would he still remember you? It's clear that you're just one of the hundreds of people that he has saved.

You looked down in dismay and tightened your grip on your sleeve. But despite the dismay, you composed yourself and looked into his eyes. He made you forget before... Now, you'll make him remember.

"Oh... uh. I don't know if you can still remember, but I was a kamuro in the Ogimoto House ten years ago."

"Ogimoto House?"

"Yes. You... were... uh... Inoko back then."

Inosuke's eyes widened when you said that name. It seems like a part of him suddenly turned on.

You suddenly felt his hand wrap around your wrist. Inosuke suddenly pulled you onto a less busy part of the street, and there he placed his hand on your shoulder.

"So... you didn't forget?"

Your eyes widened. It seems like he still remembers the thing he did to you. "Inosuke..."

"Just so you know. We won over that demon!" Inosuke said proudly, with a smile that brought you back to how he looked back ten years ago.

"You actually saved me from that obi demon." You said that made the lad shrug his shoulders. "Glad to know that, W/N."

"Actually, I'm also glad to see you... alive. Like, why are you here, Inoko—I mean, Inosuke?"

"I was looking back to places where me and my old friends went when we were still slayers. But wait. How do you remember me?"

"Uh, like how you remembered me too? So, did you make lots of people 'forget'?"

You sighed and waited for his answer. What you really wanted to know was if the man had kissed a lot of women in those ten years.

But if he did, He would have known that kissing doesn't make people forget. Or is Inosuke really dumb?

"Forget? Pfft! Why would I want to make anyone forget about the great Inosuke Hashibira? I just did that on you because you might blow up my disguise."

So... he hasn't kissed anyone! The thought killed all the doubts in your heart. He's still the naive Inosuke, and that's what attracted you to him in the first place.

It's like with Inosuke; you can explore everything from a fresh perspective. He's the new perspective, and you cherished those little moments ten years ago for so long already.

"Inosuke, just so you know too... What you did won't make anyone forget it. It will make people remember you more."

Inosuke blinks and smiles. "Do you think I still haven't known after ten years, W/N?"

His next words made you astounded. Is this man pretending? You bit your lower lip and looked away, blushing. You wanted to ask him and know everything about his facade and mysteriousness, but Inosuke has already spoken.

"I've seen my friends kiss the people they love. Actually, I'm glad that you're the first one I kissed, even if that happened because of my stupidity."

You rolled your eyes at the man whose smile was big and proud. His features aren't as girly as before. It might seem like Inoko was just a dream of yours, just by looking at how Inosuke has grown.

You felt your heart beating as his green eyes pierced against yours with an unexplained glimpse. "Why?" You managed to ask, which made Inosuke hold your hand and squeeze it tight.

"I was actually wondering why I had this faint memory of a girl in this district, but even if I tried to ignore it, it always came back. So, I decided to solve this mystery, and you found me. Caught me in another disguise once again."

You blinked in confusion and crossed your arms. "What disguise are you talking about?"

"Disguise as the same innocent Inosuke as before. I've grown. And I hope you'll still be curious and want to know me for who I am today."

"Oh well, you've had that wisdom now. But you'd still be the same cute Inoko for me."

"You find Inoko cute? How about me?"

"I see you as my great saviour and the man whom I've always wanted to be with, even if you had already almost forgotten about me."

Inosuke rolled his eyes and patted your head. "Oh well. Perhaps we could start again then? Let me just make you forget about my idiocy a while ago."

And with that, the boar-head guy, the lad you have been dreaming of, finally closed the gap between your faces and kissed your lips passionately.

The feeling had brought you back to how it really felt ten years ago. You groaned against his lips, which made Inosuke smile at your kisses. After you pulled out...

"What just happened?"

"I just made you forget that we're in public. But I don't care anyway. Hmm, go out with me, Y/N?"

That's the first time he got your name right, which made you blush. You patted his cheek and said, "Of course, Inosuke. But this time, I won't let you escape."

𝑻𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒌 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒔𝒐 𝒎𝒖𝒄𝒉

I'm so in love with Inosuke just so you know~ 🥹

So... there might be more aged up fics and NSFW stories for him soon hahaha! I'll do that when I am ready XD

Anyways, feel free to comment, reblog, or request a new fic!

Thank you once again my lovelies~

~𝓒𝓱𝓲𝓱𝓪𝓻𝓾-𝓬𝓱𝓪𝓷🌸

#demon slayer x reader #demon slayer #kimetsu no yaiba x reader #demon slayer imagines #kimetsu no yaiba #inosuke #inosuke hashibira x reader #inosuke x reader #inosuke hashibira #hashibira inosuke #inosuke hashiriba #demon slayer inosuke #kny inosuke #inosuke x you #kny inoko

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lotus-n-l0ve · 1 year

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Since someone asked for Yandere Levi headcanons on taglist application. But I can't find the account on Tumblr. So if you see this let me know Anon.

𝐘𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐋𝐞𝐯𝐢 𝐀𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐧 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬

— Yandere!Levi Ackerman x Female Reader

ꜱʏɴᴏᴘꜱɪꜱ : Yandere Levi who is obsessed with you.

ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢꜱ : Dark!Levi, Yandere!Levi, slight smut, levi being an pervert, minors dni.

ɴᴏᴛᴇ ꜰʀᴏᴍ ʟᴏᴛᴜꜱ : Hey guys. I hadn't posted for a while because my dog was sick. Now she is a little better. Hopefully I'll be able to start writing again. If you like the headcanons please like, comment and reblong. Enjoy ♡

𝐌𝐀𝐈𝐍 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 || 𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐀𝐂𝐊 𝐎𝐍 𝐓𝐈𝐓𝐀𝐍 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓

Yandere!Levi who saw you first time after you joined Survey Corps and instantly became obsessed with you. You were a new soldier and still not completely aware of the danger lurking outside of the walls as well as inside of the walls. So as your senior and captain it was his duty to protect you. And your innocence.

Yandere!Levi who deliberately leaves you pairless in any pairing training so you would have no choice but train with him because he didn't like anyone's dirty hands on your precious and pure body. They were only reserved for him.

Yandere!Levi who one caught a scout member flirting with you and from then on he was never seen before someone found him lying in a dried well. His face distorted, all bones broken, body bloodied.

Yandere!Levi who always has eyes on you, whether you are training, eating or sleeping. He has specially made a key of your room. Late at night when everyone is sleeping he silently sneaks into your room. Sitting by your side he adores your face and runs his hand through your hair and skin.

Yandere!Levi who gose through your personal belongings. Your bags, suitcases and clothes till he comes across your underwears. He would pick his favourite one of them and sit on a chair facing you.

Yandere!Levi who wraps your underwear around his gridth and starts pumping in it. His eyes staring at your sleeping defenceless figure, imagining his hand to be you pussy.

Yandere!Levi who wonders if he should just fuck you instead. Surely you would not deny him right? He could make feel so good that you would want to be with him yourself. No other man can pleas you like he would.

Yandere!Levi who quickly shakes of those thoughts before he gets too deep and really does something that can ruin your future relation with him. For now the underware will do.

Yandere!Levi who quickens his pace when he nears his release. Whispering nonchalant words "fuck fuck fuck—baby" "just like that" "you take me soo good" and within seconds he cums in your panty.

Yandere!Levi who after that sneaks out of your room just as silently. Your cum smeared panty tucked in his pocket which he uses to cum three more times that night before adding them to the collection of all the other panties he had stolen before.

#𝐋𝐎𝐓𝐔𝐒-𝐍-𝐋𝟎𝐕𝐄 #attack on titan x female reader #attack on titan x you #attack on titan x reader #attack on titan #levi aot #levi smut #levi x y/n #levi x reader #levi ackerman #levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman x female reader #levi ackerman x you #levi ackerman x y/n smut #my work

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kinmokusei-stars · 10 days

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Two days late to post this! (;*ˊᗜˋ*) I've been super tired lately and forgot to post on my tumblr, so here come a couple of posts I did on my DA!

It's officially been one year since I started posting about these two, both on Tumblr and DA! Currently 116 pieces posted on DA before this one, I'd say I've done a pretty good job! ( ᵔ ⩊ ᵔ ) It's been so fun drawing these two and developing them and their relationship over time!

Watching both Kouko and my art grow and change over the year has been such a wonderful experience, but it wouldn't be as wonderful if I didn't have my supporters with me! °˖✧◝(≧▽≦)◜✧˖°

I'll admit that I was really worried to post these two anywhere at first since I heard that OC x Canon ships tend to get a lot of hate, and I've experienced that firsthand in the past. It didn't help that Kouko isn't exactly a conventional female OC, she's taller and bulkier than Inuyasha and has a big focus on her physical strength, so I was definitely hesitant to share her with the world- Even with how much work I put in to make her fleshed out and well developed, I wasn't sure if people would give her a chance or not, you know? (・・')ゞ

But to my surprise I've actually gotten an overwhelmingly positive response compared to what I expected!? Σ(°▽°) I haven't gotten a fraction of the backlash that I was expecting, and that's such a relief! (╥_╥) I'm so glad the people that have found my work like her as much as I do!

I've gotten so many lovely comments, had such interesting in-depth conversations, and been able to share my ideas and love for these two with you all, and that's meant the absolute world to me! °˖✧o(〒▽〒)o✧˖° I may forget to reply to comments at times or not have the energy to respond, but I do read every single one, and they never fail to make me smile! I appreciate every single one so much more than you know.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you all for following my journey with these two! No matter if you're someone who regularly interacts, occasionally likes a post, or just lurks, thank you for sticking around!

I look forwards to seeing what the future holds! (๑˃ᴗ˂)ﻭ

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riizegasm · 5 months

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We Love, We Lose || H.SH and P.WB

❀ pairing: Park Wonbin x fem!oc x Hong Seunghan

❀ genre: apocalypse!au, angst, slice of life, minor fluff

❀ word count: ~7.9k

❀ warnings: explicit language, suggestive scenes, minor character death, difficult conversations around grief, mild gore (description of major injury), poly!hanibani

❀ summary: In the new world, the group dwindles bit by bit. However, in the midst of chaos, loss, and grief, it's hard not to be selfish. Desire always seems selfish when death lurks around every corner.

❀ A/N: Although this is far from my first work on tumblr (find my old works @golchaworld), welcome to the first work on my new blog! I've been sitting on this piece since about December, so it is truly my baby. As always, likes, reblogs, and replies are always welcome. I hope you enjoy!

Part 2 || masterlist

Jaeri didn’t get the funeral she deserved. She didn’t die the death she deserved. She didn’t live the life she deserved. All eight of them were very aware of the fact that they would meet the same fate. None of them would get to live the lives they deserved to live, and all of them would die deaths that didn’t matter. It was a simple fact of their circumstance.

Joohyun watches as Sungchan falls to his knees next to the raised mound of dirt. Eunseok had been kind enough to find a few white flowers to rest on top of it until the grass grew back. Joohyun wonders if the water from Sungchan’s tears and the decomposition of Jaeri’s body would be enough to nourish the soil, or if the patch will forever be barren.

Shotaro has his hand on Sungchan’s shoulder, holding him steady as his body shakes with sobs. Joohyun can hear Anton’s soft sniffles from somewhere behind her, always easily upset. She imagines that all of them should be crying the way he is. There should be streams of tears and strangled sobs and harsh sniffles, but Joohyun just can’t find it in her to shed another tear.

Eunseok is the first to walk away, stoic as always. The group slowly scatters after that, until only Sungchan and Shotaro are left behind. Sungchan because he loves Jaeri; Shotaro because he loves Sungchan.

Joohyun finds herself following a familiar path out into the orchard, surrounded by trees and low-hanging fruit. She already knows that Seunghan will want to come by tomorrow to pick the apples. He had always described it as the perfect date. Joohyun would have agreed three years ago, before everything happened. Now, though, she thinks that any date is pointless.

They were here to survive, and that’s it.

She finds a familiar figure seated atop one of the tree stumps that they had cut during the summer. Wonbin’s broad shoulders have shrunk, sitting crouched over himself. A crisp breeze ruffles his inky black locks, leaving his hair akin to a bird's nest. He looks up when leaves crunch particularly loudly under the weight of Joohyun’s steps. His eyes are red-rimmed and glossy, seemingly holding onto tears that well up but never fall down the man’s face. Joohyun knows the feeling.

“I’m not sure Sungchan will ever get over this,” Joohyun says softly, joining the boy on the log.

The stump is barely big enough for the both of them, and Joohyun finds herself pressing into Wonbin’s side. The boy slings an arm around her waist, a familiar weight against her light flannel. When he breathes, Joohyun can feel the expansion and collapse of his chest. She finds it all too easy to join his rhythm.

“He will,” Wonbin sighs out. “We all will. It’s just going to take some time.”

Joohyun feels wetness in the gentle kiss that Wonbin plants on her forehead. The action releases a knot in her stomach, and suddenly, the woman is tearing up again. She remembers when Wonbin placed his lips in the exact same spot as they stood over their first body, blood pouring out from the bullet hole that Joohyun had placed in its forehead.

“He just loved her so much. Is that what happens to those we love?” Her voice cracks.

Wonbin shushes her, tucking her smaller frame into his chest. “We can’t help who we love. That may be all we have left in this world.”

“Even if it just dies like everything else?”

The chest beneath her head expands, then deflates in a shaky exhale. Joohyun looks up, fully expecting the tear tracks that have started to stain Wonbin’s face. His wide eyes reflect the light sunlight around them, holding the tiniest bit of warmth.

“Yes, baby. Even if it dies.”

. . .

Shotaro is the one who wakes Joohyun up, gently shaking her shoulder as he whispers her name. It’s more than enough to rouse the girl, who has become quite the light sleeper. She sits up in a panic, breathing deeply and scanning the room. When her eyes focus on Shotaro, she exhales. The man has a sad smile on his face, smoothing his hand down the expanse of her arm.

“You’re okay, Joo,” He soothes. “Seunghan just asked me to wake you up. I think he wants your help picking the apples.”

Joohyun nods, swallowing thickly. “Yeah, of course. Let him know I’m coming.”

The woman stays put well after Shotaro leaves the room, attempting to regulate her breathing. Her eyes flick over to the empty bed on the opposite side of the room, perfectly made up and smeared with a bit of residual blood. Joohyun sighs, finally pulling herself from her own bed and crossing the room. She lightly thumbs against the most visible bloodstain at the head of the bed. When she feels her stomach lurch, the remnants of last night’s dinner threatening to make an appearance, she quickly turns away to start getting ready.

It’s minutes later that she meets Seunghan in the kitchen, who is chatting away with Anton. Their youngest is puffy and red, the remnants of his tears still drying on his face. Seunghan, contrastingly, looks well rested, the only signs of distress being the wrinkle that has formed around his mouth and his chapped lower lip, bitten raw.

“Good morning, princess,” Seunghan coos from across the room.

Joohyun turns to Anton in lieu of an answer. “How are you feeling, ‘ton?”

The boy just shrugs at the question, letting out a heavy exhale. They have all gotten quite good at reading between the lines, knowing that their faces tell each other much more than words ever could. Just from looking at the younger boy, Joohyun knows how hard he’s taking the loss. It’s more than just sadness; it’s guilt.

At the lack of response, Joohyun crosses the room, gathering Anton into a tight hug. The boy returns it forcefully, underestimating his strength as always. Joohyun coughs a bit from the pressure at her ribs. When they pull away, Seunghan has an eyebrow cocked at the pair, clearly concerned.

“Are you alright?”

Joohyun simply waves the man off. “I’m fine.”

“Sorry,” Anton has a sheepish smile spread across his full lips. “I didn’t mean to squeeze you like that.”

“It’s okay, ‘ton, really. I’ll be a stress ball for you whenever you need it.”

The comment seems to pull a genuine chuckle from the boy, a smile taking over his face easily. Pride blooms in Joohyun’s chest, happy to finally see some positive emotion from the younger boy. She sighs in relief.

“Do you wanna come with me and Seunghan to pick the apples? They’re looking really good.”

Joohyun ignores the tense look that Seunghan shoots her from his position at her side. She instead chooses to focus solely on Anton, whose gaze flickers back and forth between the two. Although Joohyun has no idea what Seunghan looks like right now, she imagines he’s cursing her with his eyes.

“No thanks,” Anton mumbles in that muted way of his. “I actually wanted to spend some time with Sungchan. I wanted to make sure he’s okay.”

A slow smile blooms on Seunghan’s face. “You’re such a good kid, Chanyoung. Let us know if you or Sungchan need anything, okay?”

The minute that Anton promises to do so, Seunghan grabs Joohyun by the hand and practically pulls her through the back door of the farmhouse. He doesn’t let go through their journey down the porch steps, through the farm beds, and around the lake, until they are surrounded by apple trees laden with fruit. He produces two canvas bags from his pocket, holding one out for Joohyun to take. The minute she does, the man reaches over to peck her on the cheek.

“Our first solo date,” Seunghan muses, “apple picking—how romantic.”

Joohyun just scoffs, reaching for the nearest ripe apple and snapping its delicate stem. “You’re the only one who’s considering it a date.”

Seunghan scoffs, beginning to pick his own apples. “You told me back in school that this was a really cute date idea. You said that you would die if someone took you apple picking. I’m surprised Wonbin never did.”

“That was years ago.” Joohyun feels heat rise to her cheeks, attempting to bury her face deeper into the collar of her flannel. “You never asked me out then. It definitely doesn’t count now.”

Seunghan turns to face the woman, apple in hand. He’s quick to place it into his bag as he approaches her, a cocky smirk poised on his face. Joohyun is disgusted by how much she wants to kiss him. She knows that she is the only thing stopping herself.

“Princess, you and I both know that I have been in love with you for at least five years. I have asked you out at least twice. Both times, you claimed that it wasn’t the time for romance.”

Joohyun rolls her eyes. “You didn’t ask me out before everything went to shit, and that’s what matters.”

The tip of Seunghan’s nose is pink, matching the tips of his ears. Joohyuk wonders if it’s from embarrassment or the autumnal breeze that has winded its way through the trees. Based on the thin fabric of Seunghan’s worn sweatshirt, she assumes it’s the latter.

“I think it matters even more now,” Seunghan whispers, winding a muscled arm around the woman’s waist.

When he pulls her closer, Joohyun goes easily, lost in the fondness in his gaze. There’s a peek of sunlight through the trees, illuminating just one of Seunghan’s eyes. The glow extends across his face like a broad gash, ending right before his jawline. Joohyun reaches a hand up to trace along its edge, dropping her bag of apples in the process.

“You know we shouldn’t be doing this,” Joohyun chides, hyper aware of the way Seunghan eyes the movement of her lips.

“Not without Wonbin, you mean?”

Joohyun shakes her head. “At all.”

“You don’t mean that.”

Joohyun knows she doesn’t. She knows that she wants nothing more than to be showered in Seunghan’s constant affection. She craves his fingertips gently tracing the dip of her hips, his lips leaving brands along the column of her neck, the sturdiness of his thighs underneath her weight. She knows that she desires way too much, but is helpless to stop herself.

Seunghan waits for Joohyun to move first, gently craning her neck up to meet his lips. Her movements are timid, restrained, as if trying to mask her desire. Seunghan lets her keep up her facade, gently connecting their lips and following her lead. When they part, Joohyun’s eyes remain shut. They’re close enough that Seunghan can count her eyelashes, admiring the way they cast gentle shadows on her cheekbones.

Joohyun forces herself to open her eyes, slowly letting the early morning sunlight infiltrate her gaze. Seunghan still has that beam of light across his face, lips twisted into a soft smile. She feels a gentle warmth rise in her abdomen that travels all the way to the rosy apples of her cheeks. At her blush, Seunghan’s smile only grows. He leans forward to place a kiss on her forehead, identical to where Wonbin kissed her the day prior. Joohyun wonders if there is a permanent mark on her forehead that leads the two men to kiss her in the same place. She wonders if they read her like a map and X marks the spot.

“Come on, princess. Let’s go pick the rest of the apples and then make something delicious with them.”

. . .

Sohee is leaning his head against Wonbin’s shoulder when Joohyun finds them, the two of them hunched over an old map spread out on the living room floor. They speak softly, as if trying not to disturb the rest of the life in the house. It’s useless, Joohyun thinks. They would all be able to hear each other a mile away.

Joohyun clears her throat, making her way over to sit across from the two. She is only able to meet Sohee’s gaze, eyes shrunken around a smile. He doesn’t move from his position next to Wonbin, instead nuzzling further into his side. Joohyun blinks rapidly to negate the green that begins to cloud her vision.

“What are you guys doing?”

Sohee lights up at the question. “We’re looking for new sources! Wonbin was just saying that it’s time for us to go out and get some more supplies. But obviously we can’t go back to where Jaeri and Sungchan went, so…”

Sohee’s voice trails off sadly, leaving the room with a tense air. For the first time, Joohyun finds herself looking over to Wonbin. She isn’t surprised to see that he had already been looking at her.

“We need more medical supplies,” Wonbin begins. “We used just about everything we had on Jaeri. We could also use some more canned goods and food products before winter sets in.”

“That won’t be for at least another two months!” It’s not like Joohyun actually knows, since calendars became useless during the first few wars.

“Eunseok thinks the last harvest for the crops will be in a few weeks. We need to be prepared before then.”

It’s at times like this that Joohyun hates the way Wonbin speaks. He’s blunt and factual, not caring to let any amount of emotion cloud his words. The two of them are too similar in that regard, always presenting their thoughts in an unintentionally harsh manner. She frequently wondered if the similarity would break them up, forcing them into brutal fights that would end their relationship. At least everything changed before it had the chance to.

“I think it’s too dangerous to send anyone back out there after what just happened to Jaeri,” Joohyun protests, a hot feeling blooming in her chest. “We can’t just let someone go.”

Wonbin sighs. “It’s not like we’d be going to the same place that they went. That’s why we’re looking at new possible sources. So when we go, we won’t run into that same issue.”

“We?”

Wonbin’s eyes widen, sensing his mistake. Joohyun’s arms are crossed in front of her chest, lips pulled into a thin line as she stares back at the man across from her. At the change in demeanor, Wonbin finally pulls away from Sohee, shooting the boy a kind smile.

“Can you give us a minute?”

Sohee just nods, instantly scurrying out of the room. Wonbin’s gaze follows the boy as he exits, only turning back to the woman in front of him when he is sure that they’re alone. Joohyun’s right eyebrow twitches repeatedly, a sign of just how stressed she is by the news. The woman’s stony expression reminds Wonbin of everything they craved to leave behind when they came to the farmhouse. The angry twist to her lips is all too reminiscent of her reaction to a threat. Wonbin craves to soothe it with his kiss.

“Baby,” Wonbin coos. “I can't ask Sungchan to go back out there after what happened.”

“So you plan to go instead.” Another eyebrow twitch.

“I wouldn’t go alone.”

“Then with who?”

Wonbin sighs. “Probably Seunghan.”

In the blink of an eye, Joohyun is on her feet, crossing the small space in search of an exit. Wonbin scrambles after her, barely catching her arm before she can move into the kitchen. Her long, dark locks slap him in the face as she turns around, venom in her eyes. Wonbin would be scared if he hadn’t been in this exact position so many times before.

“Let go of me,” she seethes.

Wonbin does as told, but steps closer into her space, knowing that another escape attempt is likely. Joohyun has always been flighty when it comes to standing her ground. She chooses not to fight unless she has to, preferring to run away from the situation and never look back. Somehow, Wonbin has prevented her from escaping.

“Can you just listen to me before you storm off like you always do?”

Hurt clouds Joohyun’s expression before she steels it again. The scar on her right cheek aches with the effort of remaining emotionless. It’s throbbing, hot and angry. Joohyun feels a phantom pain of the knife sliding across her skin, deep enough to reveal the cheek fat below. It still stings. She wants nothing more than for Wonbin to kiss the pain away.

“There isn’t shit you can say that would make this better.”

Wonbin rolls his eyes. “Somebody needs to go. Sungchan obviously can’t, not right now. So Seunghan volunteered and I couldn’t let him go by himself. I wouldn’t forgive myself if something happened to him. You wouldn’t forgive me if something happened to him.”

“And what if something happens to both of you? What then?”

When Wonbin reaches for Joohyun’s hands again, she relents with only minimal resistance. The man gathers her hands in his, pulling her impossibly closer. Like this, Wonbin can see the minute rhythm in the twitch of her eyebrow, the throbbing of her scar, the wetness pooling in her eyes. Not a single tear falls.

“Nothing’s going to happen to us,” Wonbin soothes. “We’re going to be fine, baby.”

Joohyun lets out a shaky exhale, eyes squeezing shut as she breathes. She is reminded once again why she was never able to really break up with Wonbin in the past. He was too good at tearing down her walls, too good at minimizing all of her worries, too good at soothing her and talking her down. Of course, in the harshness of the end of the world, she embraced his comfort and level-headedness. But it’s different now. She won’t let him talk her down again.

“That’s what Sungchan told Jaeri, and look at what happened to them.”

. . .

The temperature drops as the sun falls lower and lower in the sky. The once pleasant breeze has taken on a nose-nipping chill, making Joohyun shiver despite the thick blanket wrapped around her. The rocking chair creaks as it sways forward and backwards. It’s a gentle rhythm that could lull her to sleep, but the body in the chair adjacent to her makes sure that doesn’t happen.

“How is it to sleep in your room?” Eunseok asks softly, chair swaying in a rhythm similar to Joohyun’s own.

“It’s fine.”

Sleep has never been the best for Joohyun. Once the wars broke out, she was kept up all night from anxiety. When everything collapsed, and she found herself fleeing, she always offered to keep watch while others slept at night. She would stay awake for days on end until Wonbin noticed and made it his personal mission to get her to sleep. It was mostly unsuccessful until they got to the farmhouse. It was the first real bed Joohyun had slept in in months, so she slept for twelve hours straight that first night.

Of course, having Jaeri sleeping peacefully across from her always helped. When Joohyun woke up with a scream, sweating from the effort of escaping her night demons, Jaeri would crawl into her bed and soothe her. She would keep her in an embrace and sing softly until Joohyun fell back asleep.

Now it takes a good five minutes for someone to make it to Joohyun when she wakes up screaming.

“Are you sure it’s fine?” Eunseok prods. “I can see those bags underneath your eyes.”

Joohyun scoffs. “We all have dark circles.”

Eunseok hums, considering the fact. “That’s true. But you’re the only one out here with me while everyone else is upstairs sleeping.”

“They’re not sleeping. Or at least Seunghan and Wonbin aren’t.”

Eunseok outright laughs at this, leaning back fully in his chair. The sound is deep and familiar, planting a seed of a smile on Joohyun’s face.

“Declined their invitation to join?”

Joohyun rolls her eyes, ignoring the way Eunseok continues to laugh. “I really just can’t deal with them right now.”

“Well, not to be crass, but,” Eunseok shrugs. “Nothing will put you to sleep better than a good orgasm.”

Now it’s Joohyun’s turn to laugh, rocking chair creaking as she leans forward. “You’re right, I guess.”

The pair settle into silence, another gust of chilly wind rustling the chimes near the door. Joohyun peers out into the expanse of darkness that surrounds them, wondering if there’s something unseen that’s looking back at them. In reality, she knows that it’s just patches of crops until you reach the lake, and then the orchard just beyond that. But something in her wonders if there’s something stalking in the small cornfield, eyes tracking her every move.

“You know,” Joohyun says softly, voice barely audible over the squeak of the chairs. “There’s still some blood on Jaeri’s bed.”

“Does that freak you out?” Eunseok takes a swig from his metal canteen.

“No,” Joohyun replies truthfully. “I just wonder how her last moments were. She was bleeding out on the bed while I was screaming in my sleep. It couldn’t have been the most peaceful way to go.”

Joohyun remembers being woken up by Sungchan, who had come to check on Jaeri in the middle of the night. Joohyun thrashed and screamed, eventually elbowing Sungchan in the nose while he tried to calm her down. When she finally settled, they both looked over to Jaeri’s bed. She was already dead.

“It’s not your fault,” Eunseok muses. “We’re all going to die an uncomfortable, untimely death whether we want to admit it or not. Jaeri just met her fate before the rest of us.”

“Because of me.”

Eunseok makes a noise in protest. “Because some scumbag shot her in the leg with a rusty bullet. That’s not on any of us.”

As much as Joohyun knows it’s the truth, she can’t help the feelings of guilt that brew in her stomach like a potion. She had a feeling that something bad was going to happen. She was supposed to stop them. But she didn’t, too convinced that Jaeri would be safe in Sungchan’s care.

His yells for help still echo in her mind late at night. She remembers seeing them approach the farm in the darkness, Jaeri laying limp and bleeding in Sungchan’s arms. She remembers how they placed her on the kitchen counter and tried to fish out the bullet with a butter knife. She remembers the greenish-yellow pus that began to leak from the wound in the coming days. She remembers the screams that could be heard from miles away as they tried to amputate her leg with a butcher’s knife. She remembers the blood that Jaeri began to cough up, so frequent that she was unable to speak.

Sungchan still placed a final kiss on her lips, cold and stained with her own blood.

“Do you think that she and Sungchan got too careless because they were in love?”

Eunseok shakes his head almost instantly, and Joohyun wonders how he doesn’t get dizzy with the motion combined with the rocking of his chair. She knows that Eunseok finds it hard to think sometimes, head permanently hazy from the impact of the concrete. Joohyun remembers when they found him in the rubble, clearly concussed and barely able to speak. She is awed sometimes by how eloquent he still manages to be.

“As much as love is reckless, it is equally as cautious. They both had more to lose.”

“But they lost it anyway.”

“They did,” Eunseok clears his throat. “They lost it anyways.”

. . .

Shotaro calls a house meeting the next morning. Everyone is slow to gather in the living room, taking seats upon old, worn furniture. Joohyun wonders how old everything was before everything happened. Now, it’s too hard to put a date on things, especially since the entire world has been covered with a fine layer of dust.

Sungchan is the last to join the group, long limbs moving lethargically as he crosses the room. Joohyun winces at the dark purples and reds sitting underneath his eyes, almost like bruises. His hair is untamed, splayed messily across his head. There’s a paleness to his skin that screams dehydration, along with a smattering of pimples forming along his cheek. He even looks thinner than usual, settling onto a chair in the corner without so much as a sound.

“So I know that these next few months are going to be shitty,” Shotaro starts. “But we’ve gotta plan so that we can make it through.”

Shotaro’s gaze flickers back and forth between Sungchan and the rest of the group, hoping to remedy any tension with his eyes alone. If there is any resistance, he doesn’t pick up on it, choosing instead to continue with his ment.

“Eunseok says that the last harvest should be in about four weeks, meaning that we will have fresh crops for another two months or so. We still need to go out for canned goods and medical supplies. Both are crucial to us making it through this winter. Thankfully, Wonbin and Seunghan volunteered to make the run for us.”

Anton perks up from his spot near Sohee, visibly confused. “Why would we send two more people for supplies after what just happened?”

“Because we need to survive,” Eunseok chimes in. “We can’t do that without food and supplies.”

Shotaro nods softly. “Exactly, so it’s better that we do all of this now so that we’re not scrambling right before the first snow hits.”

“I think that’s a stupid fucking idea,” Joohyun seethes. “It’s like we’re just sending people out to die.”

As Joohyun surveys the room, it becomes more and more apparent that she’s fighting a losing battle. The only one who seems to be considering her point is Anton, who has always erred on the cautious side. Most of the group, however, still sits silently in their various positions around the room, eyes trained on the stained carpet beneath their feet.

“We’re not going to die,” Wonbin mutters.

“You don’t know that.”

They’re the first words that Sungchan has uttered in days. His voice is rough from lack of use, syllables slightly slurred as if they were thick in his mouth. The man clears his throat, but clearly makes no move to speak again. In the silence, Shotaro speaks up.

“They are not going to die,” he presses. “We’re not going to lose anyone else. Not to something like that.”

Sohee cocks his head curiously. “You said that last time.”

They could make a list of all of the people that they’ve lost since they first moved as a group about two years ago. For each one, Shotaro gave a similar speech, saying it wouldn’t happen again and that would be the last one. It never was of course. Before they found the farm, they found themselves burying a new person just about once a month, death appearing cyclically like a menstrual bleed.

Shotaro simply sighs at the reminder, pinching his nose bridge between his index finger and thumb. His obvious frustration is somewhat funny to see, reminding Joohyun of when they would spend hours in the multimedia lab, being scolded over the tiniest mistakes in the yearbook. It’s odd to see the same exasperation in such a different setting.

“Listen, I know we’re all scared after what happened to Jaeri, but it’s not going to happen again. Seunghan and Wonbin are going to be extremely careful and come back to us safe and sound, okay? We’re not going to lose anyone else.”

Although Shotaro’s comment seems to appease some of the younger members of their group, Joohyun can’t help but feel a little unnerved by his stance. She would have to send the two people she loved most out into the world, not knowing if they will ever make it back in one piece. She swallows, dread settling in the pit of her stomach like an anchor.

Everyone seems to take that as a dismissal, slowly starting to scatter. Sungchan remains rooted in his spot, eyes downturned. He picks aimlessly at a loose thread in his sweatpants, not caring that destroying their clothes isn’t a luxury they have. Joohyun watches as Shotaro leans into Sungchan’s space, whispering something into the younger man’s ear. Sungchan doesn’t look up, just nodding his head a few times before leaving.

As Joohyun watches the interaction, a hand begins to comb through the length of her hair. She doesn’t need to look to know exactly whom the hand belongs to. Only Seunghan would attempt to comfort her in a time like this, the others all too used to Joohyun running away from their touch.

“You okay?” Seunghan asks softly.

Joohyun is sick of everyone asking her that.

“You know we’re just worried about you, princess” Seunghan states, as if able to read her mind. “We just want you to be okay.”

Joohyun finally turns to face the man. “If you wanted me to be okay, you wouldn’t go.”

Seunghan sighs, rounding the couch to settle beside the woman. He gathers her hands in her lap, rubbing over her pulse point with his thumb. He looks tired, mouth twisted in a grimace that pains Joohyun to see.

“We’re going so that everyone can be okay.”

The couch dips on Joohyun’s other side, the furniture groaning with the added weight. A hand reaches across her lap to join the pile of hands in Seunghan’s, the familiar callouses a soothing addition.

“We have to be there for everyone, baby.” Wonbin’s voice is barely a whisper. “I know you’re worried, but you have to trust us. We’re going to be fine. We’re not going to end up like Jaeri.”

Joohyun’s tongue has suddenly grown to weigh one hundred pounds. She struggles to swallow down the sob that’s clawing its way up her throat. Seunghan squeezes her hand slightly, and it’s enough pressure to force the first few tears out of her eyes.

“I just don’t like this,” Joohyun admits. “None of us know what’s out there anymore.”

Wonbin presses a kiss to the side of Joohyun’s hair while Seunghan continues to stroke their hands. Something about the affection makes Joohyun feel like crawling out of her skin and running for the hills. If she could see through her tears, she imagines she would. She would tear her body apart to escape their affection if she could. But she stays, remaining frozen in place as the boys attempt to love her.

“We don’t,” Seunghan agrees. “But that can’t stop us from providing for you all.”

Back in school, Seunghan was always the provider. He would come to yearbook committee meetings with his arms stacked with sweet treats and individualized coffee orders. When someone had a particularly hard day, he would bring a smattering of their favorite foods, showering them in whatever he could to make them feel better. If it didn’t work, he would gather their hands in his and let them vent. Joohyun wonders how many times she had done this before, in a much different context.

Being smothered by Wonbin’s kisses was something that Joohyun was much more used to. When words were too harsh for either of them, they worked it out through heavy touches and steamy kisses. Even when they involved Seunghan, who was always words over actions, the couple had a hard time giving up their ways.

“Just promise me,” Joohyun manages out, breath stuttering in her chest. “Promise me that you guys will get out of there the minute you sense any danger. Don’t try and do any noble shit and stick it out.”

Seunghan chuckles, squeezing the intertwined hands once, twice, three times before he lets go. “Trust me, our priority will be to get in and out as quickly and as safely as possible so that we can come home to our princess.”

“I’ll be waiting,” Joohyun emphasizes.

Wonbin presses another kiss to her hairline. “We know you will be.”

. . .

Even though the two are set to head out at sunrise, Joohyun can’t help but let them spend hours pressing her into the mattress the night before. As they seal marks into her skin and love her body gently, her vision begins to blur. She’s unable to see past the sea welling up in her eyes, ebbing and flowing until it streams down her face in clear rivulets.

Her waterworks seem to trigger the same in her lovers, and soon all of their kisses take on a certain salty tinge. For a moment, Joohyun fears they will drown in their love. It would be a silent death, much like Jaeri’s. Unlike Jaeri’s, however, this would be a death that Joohyun would be more than happy to fall victim to.

When the three tire, Joohyun finds herself sandwiched between two warm bodies, both in a deep slumber. The syncopation of their heartbeats is enough to keep Joohyun awake and on edge, counting each arrhythmic beat. It reminds her of the sound of footsteps when someone trips. They constantly try to right themselves, but are stuck in an endless fumbling of limbs that hit the ground at odd times.

Joohyun’s eyes remain trained on the ceiling until a hint of light creeps up on the horizon. As the light begins to paint their room in a blue-ish hue, she turns to wake up the men on either side of her, suddenly shy when she takes in their nakedness. She watches as their figures bumble about in the low light, appreciating the stretch of their limbs and the strength in their cores. She reminds herself that she needs to drink it in, since this may be the last time she ever gets to experience it.

No one else is awake to send them off. Just Joohyun stands on the back porch of the farmhouse, barefoot and wrapped up in a blanket that smells strongly of Seunghan. She watches as the two boys check each other, making sure they have all the weapons and supplies they will need for the day ahead. When both deem themselves ready, they turn back to the woman before them.

“We‘ll see you tonight, princess,” Seunghan says with a forced grin.

He seems to hesitate for a moment before reaching out and pulling Joohyun into his chest. His arms are snug around her midsection, almost crushing her if it weren’t for the woman’s sturdy build. The pair part only a minuscule number of inches before Seunghan swoops down to press a kiss to her lips.

This could be the last, Joohyun reminds herself. Don’t enjoy it too much.

Wonbin’s eyes are wide and glassy when Seunghan and Joohyun part, arms twitching at his side. When he hugs Joohyun, it’s much softer, almost timid. He kisses her forehead before leaning down into a proper kiss. He’s never been the best with words, so he uses his mouth in other ways instead.

He doesn’t look at Joohyun when they part, only whispering a small ‘see you later’ before barreling down the steps of the porch. Seunghan follows him closely, looking over his shoulder just once to blow a kiss to the woman left behind.

Joohyun watches as their figures disappear past the orchard before bursting into tears, evaporating like the morning dew as the sun comes over the horizon.

. . .

“They should be back by now,” Anton mumbles. He has yet to stop pacing on the porch, arms crossed firmly over his chest.

Eunseok, just watches from his position on the rocking chair, swinging back and forth in a distinct rhythm. “They’ll be back soon.”

“You said that an hour ago,” Joohyun spits, fingers fumbling with the chain hanging from her neck. “Shut up if you’re not going to say anything that’s true.”

“Joo,” Shotaro scolds.

The woman just huffs at the mention of her name, not taking the scolding to heart. The others don’t understand. They don’t get how it feels to be stuck in Joohyun’s place. She was tricked into love just for it to possibly be taken right away from her.

She wonders if she ever really had a choice in the matter. She wonders if Sungchan did, or if he was tricked just like she was. When she thinks about the way Jaeri smiled, or the soft coo of her voice, it seems like a no brainer. Everyone was a little bit in love with her. Sungchan just fell harder than others.

For a moment there’s silence, the only disturbance being the soft thump of Anton’s feet against the wooden planks of the porch. There’s a soft breeze that ruffles leaves, tall corn stalks swaying in the darkness. If Wonbin were here, he would be playing the guitar, strumming a soft melody that would have Sohee trying to harmonize with the sounds of nature.

But there’s no melody here, just a faint crunch of leaves. Then, another crunch. The crunches grow more frequent, each one louder until they are interrupted by a groan. Joohyun is down the stairs and halfway through the corn stalks before anyone can stop her.

Their yells for her to return are nothing over the sound of her own blood rushing in her ears. It’s hard to tell her own footsteps apart from the ones approaching her, her own scrambling loud as she pushes through rows of crops. She can’t see through the darkness that surrounds her now that she is away from the house.

Joohyun doesn’t realize she has run into something until she is knocked firmly on the ground, winded from the force of the fall. Wide eyes peer down at her, a hint of white in the darkness.

“Baby,” Wonbin says. “Are you okay?”

“You’re back,” she breathes out scrambling to her feet.

She can just make out Seunghan next to Wonbin, the man leaning almost all of his weight on the older. He lets out a soft groan as he shifts his weight, seemingly unable to put any pressure on his left side.

“Are you okay?” Joohyun’s voice wobbles as she takes in the pained expression on Seunghan’s face, illuminated by the tiniest bit of moonlight.

“I’m fine, princess,” Seunghan rasps with an attempted smile. “Why don’t we just get back to the house. I’m sure the others are worried about you.”

Joohyun nods in agreement, instantly moving to support Seunghan’s other side. Although it’s only a few yards back to the house, it feels like miles as the three hobble along. It’s clear that both men are tired, Seunghan’s head hanging low between his shoulders. Wonbin grunts with just about every step, muscles straining with the additional weight.

Once the trio emerges from the cornfield, they are greeted by a cacophony of relieved cries. Eunseok and .Shotaro are quick to rush over, relieving Joohyun and Wonbin from their positions supporting the obviously injured boy. The minute the weight has been lifted from Wonbin, he falls to his knees, panting heavily.

“Fuck,” he pants. “We made it.”

Joohyun finds herself running her fingers through the man’s dark locks, pushing sweaty strands away from his face. She releases a shaky exhale, pressing her thumb into the soft skin behind her lover’s ear. Her stomach lurches as she looks at him, heart pounding wildly in her chest.

“Come on. Let’s get you inside,” she whispers, resisting the urge to plant a kiss on his hairline just like she knows he would if the roles were reversed.

When the pair enter the house, they are greeted with the sight of Seunghan laid atop of the kitchen counter. For a moment, Joohyun thinks she’ll be sick. But she takes in the lack of blood and the fact that Seunghan is talking animatedly with Sohee and the nausea settles.

She sidles up to the boy on the counter, instantly smoothing a hand down his arm. She glances down at his body, not noting anything out of the ordinary. It is only when Seunghan stutters out a gruff curse that Joohyun realizes that the injury is deeper than expected.

Shotaro gawks at the sight of Seunghan’s ankle after he wrangles off the younger’s hunting boots. The joint is smattered with a nasty collage of purples and blues, the injury pulsing as it rests in Shotaro’s hands. His ankle is about the size of a football, and Joohyun feels nausea bubble up in her core once more.

“What happened out there?” Shotaro asks, ignoring Seunghan’s hisses of pain as he pokes and prods at the wound.

Wonbin sighs as he drops his backpack in the ground with a soft thud. “It was honestly fine. Everything was going well and we got all the necessary supplies. But we heard people coming and started running and that one fucked up his ankle when we were hopping a fence.”

“So you did this to yourself?” Eunseok snorts.

Seunghan just rolls his eyes, not dignifying the room with a proper response. Shotaro smiles down at the man on the table, moving away slightly to grab an ace bandage from a drawer across the kitchen. Joohyun finds herself letting Seunghan squeeze her hand as Shotaro wraps the injury.

“Is it broken?” Seunghan asks.

“You know I’m not a doctor,” Shotaro quips back. “But it looks like it. I don’t think you’re gonna be back on your feet for a while.”

Seunghan lets out a groan that isn’t in pain for once. He turns watery eyes towards Joohyun, squeezing her hand for dramatic effect. The force of his stare makes the woman avert her eyes, but Seunghan squeezes her hand until she returns eye contact again.

“I’m sorry we won’t be able to go apple picking for a while, princess. I’ll find a way to make it up to you, I promise.”

If she didn’t know any better, she would think the gag from across the room came out of her own mouth.

. . .

Joohyun ascends the stairs slowly, prolonging her journey to Sungchan’s door as much as possible. She felt her heart begin to pound the minute she was tasked to retrieve Sungchan for dinner. She desires nothing more than to not have to face the broken man upstairs. More than anything, she wants to avoid the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach that she has every time she is around him.

Sungchan opens his doors after a few knocks and a long pause, eyes sunken and red-rimmed. His lack of a shirt highlights the protrusions of his ribs, visible under the paleness of his skin. He sniffles instead of a greeting and Joohyun curses the sinking feeling as it begins to make an appearance.

“Eunseok asked me to come get you since dinner is ready. I think he made soup or something.”

Sungchan sighs. “I’m not hungry.”

Before the door can slam in her face, Joohyun sticks a foot in the doorway, cursing loudly when it’s inevitably crushed. Sungchan is quick to open the door back up, looking down at the intrusion.

“Eunseok said not to let you say that,” Joohyun blurts. “He said you have to come down, even if you don’t eat anything. It’s important, apparently.”

Sungchan lets out another sigh, rolling his swollen eyes. “Fine. I’ll be down in five.”

It’s more like ten minutes, but Joohyun counts it as a win when she sees his slight figure enter the kitchen. It’s Anton who actually seems the most excited to see the older man, immediately bounding over to him and smiling widely in his face. She’s sure that he’s saying something about being excited that Sungchan is joining them, but she can’t bear to listen with the warmth crawling up her throat.

Dinner itself is mainly silent, the group deciding to eat scattered across the porch. Seunghan is inconveniently using both rocking chairs, his injury propped up on the smaller one. The wind that blows has a hint of a chill, more so than last week. If Joohyun squints, she can see some apples dropping from the trees on the other side of the lake.

“Guys,” Sohee asks softly, his normally bright expression pensive. “We’re going to be okay, right?”

It’s Sungchan who responds, speaking from his perch on the railing. “I don’t know.”

“None of us do,” Wonbin agrees.

“But,” Shotaro interjects, ever the positive one. “We’ve made it this far. Even though we don’t know what’s gonna happen, we’ll get through it, whatever it is.”

Sungchan snorts, hopping down from the railing. Without a word, he leaves everyone on the porch, letting the back door slam behind him. There is a soft clang of the bowl hitting the sink and then silence, only interrupted by a gust of wind. Across from them, the corn stalks sway, moving in a rhythm much like Seunghan’s rocking chair. Back and forth, back and forth.

. . .

Seunghan is walking with only a slight limp by what they estimate to be Thanksgiving. He seems eager to be back on his feet, hobbling back and forth through the kitchen as he tries to help Sohee and Eunseok whip up dinner. Every time he moves too fast, or makes a sharp change of direction, Joohyun finds herself biting back a gasp. She grips the edge of her seat, constantly ready to take action if the man reinjures himself.

“Calm down, Joo,” Sohee giggles. “You look like you’re about to have a stroke.”

A smile instantly breaks out on Seunghan’s face at the comment, rounding the kitchen island so he can wrap an arm around his lover’s shoulders. “Aw, is my princess worried about me?”

Joohyun’s fingers itch with the urge to punch him in the ribs. “Shut up.”

Seunghan leans forward to steal a quick kiss before parting to help the others cook once again. Joohyun hides her face as a rosy blush crawls up to the apples of her cheeks, trying to tame the zoo that has erupted in her core.

She’s brought back to the very first time that Seunghan had kissed her. It had been after a particularly nasty fight with Wonbin, where Joohyun wanted nothing more than to make him hurt as much as he had hurt her. What better way to do so than kissing his best friend and teammate?

She remembers how all of her blood rushed to her face, lighting her up like a stoplight. There was a pulsing in her stomach that wouldn’t stop, eventually giving way to molten hot desire as the two continued to kiss. As they progressed even further, Seunghan left bruises all over the expanse of her throat and chest, leaving white hot pain in his wake. She remembers pressing down on the bruises the next morning, marveling at how the placements were extremely similar to where Wonbin liked to mark her up.

She remembers how the bruises were still there when she and Wonbin made up. She remembers how he kissed over the bruises, darkening them with firm bites. When he whispered into her skin and asked her who left them, she was left to only answer truthfully. At the mention of his best friend’s name, Wonbin just pulled away, smiled, then kissed her harder.

Joohyun continues to trace Seunghan’s figure with her gaze, extra mindful of his unsteady gait. She’s stifling a chuckle as Seunghan flicks pumpkin seeds at Sohee when Shotaro comes rushing in the room. His face is flushed and hair tousled, clearly flustered.

“Guys,” he pants. “Someone’s here.”

.FIN.

Part 2

#riize imagines #riize #park wonbin imagines #hong seunghan imagines #riize smut #riize angst #riize fluff #we riize #written in the stars

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antimonyandthyme · 3 months

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hellooo athy i love your words. could you maybe share with us how you got started writing fic and three things that you've learned along the way? thanking u

Anon you are very very sweet and very very kind! Thank you for this lovely ask. Kekekeke I'll let you in on a secret! I discovered fic because I found my sister's OC writing printed out and hidden in a drawer once and I was like woah what is this?? And she went oh NOOOOooOOOO and then she was like fine since you've already seen it lemme introduce you to the wonderful world of fic! It all started from there. The first thing I ever wrote was for Guilty Gear. Imagine that! Guilty Gear. It never got anywhere, just in my silly little notebook that I've long lost. And it was a little while before I dared put anything up. But I'm glad I did! It's been such a great time!

It isn't fancy by any means, but three things that I've learned:

Writing's a lot more fun when done with people! Prior to F1 I've never really interacted with fandom much, I just wrote my Naruto and Haikyuu!! stories and hoped people would read them. I lurked a little (a lot) before creating this tumblr when I got into F1. And then I started talking! With other writers! And readers! I got to chatficcing! And I got to improving. I had people around me who would suggest ideas for what I could add to my stories. Give me tips when I was stuck. Tell me what was good and what I could do better. Lend their expertise! Like when writing Shutter Speed and I had no idea what gallery shows were like and @sebrrari held my hand and gave me advice and was basically one of the greatest reasons I finished the fic. I'm so much more motivated to finish writing projects because I know I have a tiny group of people who will light me on fire (affectionately) after I publish something unhinged.

I struggled with writing length and to be honest I still do! I get distracted by new ideas constantly. If I can't finish something in <5k words I sometimes lose interest and the next shiniest thing takes over. There have been several things that have helped. One, forcing my sections in my writing to be a certain word count. It seems a little contrived, but it's made me linger where other times I would have just hopped off to the next bit. Two, forcing myself to split my writing over several days. Once again, lingering and adding meat because I've had time in the day to mull over details. Three, joining exchanges like the F1 Big Bang. Nothing like a word requirement to nudge you towards a longer journey.

I'll end with something a little silly heehee. I started off really going for synonyms when it came to expressing characters speaking. I mean really going for it. "I hate you," he intoned. "I like this," she gasped. "You're wrong," they yelled. This might be a preference thing, but "said" or "says" has evolved to be my favourite and most effective way of reading/writing a conversation. It feels a ton more natural, and it reads a lot smoother too. Mind you, this all goes out the window when I'm writing sex. Kekekeke. Because now he whined/he moaned/he sobbed sounds a lot hotter.

#athy texts #anon i hope you're having a great day #this was really great to think about #thank you! <3

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kalevalakryze · 2 months

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Yhe'na Det Och'sa Chapter 7: Mi K’ya Ke Omaki

Summary:

"Would you die for me?"

"No. I would live for you."

Golly Gee Willikers, guys, it's been a minute. I have been Going Through It™ these last few months, but thanks to our wonderful and amazing Gabi ( @somewillwin) and all my lovely internet people in the Shin Tano discord, I've finally managed to get some time to work on another chapter! There's still so much more to go, and so much more to cover, so sit tight, and please continue having patience with me through these next few months especially. Shin is also going through it... and Ahsoka,,, and- yeah, everyone is going through it. and don't forget! ALL ART USED IN THIS SERIES AND CHAPTER IS BY SOMEWILLWIN ON TUMBLR/TWITTER | SOMEWILLLOSE ON INSTAGRAM. Make sure we give credit where it is due, and if you share art, make sure the love goes to Gabi because she really is keeping this whole thing going! WARNING: chapter imagery contains blood. The chapter contains descriptions of injury and suicidal ideation, and I feel like the influence of the dark side can count as a warning as well. Continue at your own risk. AO3 Link: Here!

“Ahsoka!” Kaeden protested for what had to be the hundredth time since they received the comm. “Do you really think there’s time to drop us off when we know where Shin’s at?”

“I am not risking your lives,” Ahsoka repeated like a broken record, fingers curled tight around the yoke of the ship's controls as anxiety pulled her muscles tight. She was no stranger to the way fear could manipulate decisions, no stranger to the dangers that lurked behind every choice made, and yet… with her world on the line once again, she found difficulty in arranging her thoughts, found discomfort in the age-old mantra of letting go.

“Commander, you can’t be serious,” Rex was strapped solidly in his seat, fingers pressing into the armrests to keep himself steady through flying that could only be taught by General Skywalker, passed on so similarly in his Padawan, weaving them through space until they could reach the closest discreet jump point in the system.

“I’m not discussing this with you!”

There was a time, long ago during the Clone Wars, when Rex had to face the reality of a Togruta’s predatory behavior when Fives got hurt and a fourteen-year-old had bowed over his prone form and bared her teeth at any medic that tried to get too close, wouldn’t move an inch until it was Kix slowly kneeling at his vod’s side.

He was reminded now of this instance, in the growl that rumbled in the woman’s chest and the way full lips had pulled back, sharp fangs protruding threateningly as she dared a fiery look back at the two humans, a warning echoed deep in their bones in the way artificial lights glinted off of passive blue orbs, almost making it look as if yellow were seeping into her irises with a toxic sludge.

There was a click, then the sound of seatbelts retracting into their holders as Kaeden unbuckled, feet unsteady against the ground as Ahsoka neared the safest hyperspace lane. “Ahsoka-“ It was a valiant effort to try and calm the frenzied Force-Sensitive, though it didn’t seem to have much of an effect.

“You weren’t there,” Ahsoka hissed. “You didn’t feel it,” her facial markings were scrunched, and Huyang was almost sure that the woman was going to destroy her steering console if she didn’t lighten the hold.

“What didn’t we feel, ‘Soka?” Kaeden pressed, hand still pressed against the taut muscle of her bicep, her other hand moving to cover her hands on the yoke.

“She died , Kaeden. And I just don’t have what we need on the ship to handle that. I can’t trust anyone else to get the space ready, that’s why I need you two to go,” She deflated with this admission.

Ahsoka had felt the deaths of thousands of Jedi at once, had felt her aliit killed in battle, and had come to terms with the death of her own Master and Grand Master once their presences had closed off to her. For Shin? It was almost like their presence revealed itself, only to torture Ahsoka with the feeling of it being ripped from the world.

There had been so much fear in the way it had bounced like bait on a string, when she’d meditated, the Force held no answers, no whispers of what could be done, or how she could get there faster. It had stayed torturously silent until the bond had strengthened, soured by darkness and the thick fog of their presence being so weak, unable to truly commit to a bond that stretched across systems when it hadn’t even seemed to want to stay tethered to the physical realm.

Kaeden had already secured an Alliance frigate to wait on Dac for them, and in the quiet that had followed Ahsoka’s confession, the medic had taken a moment, either to alert them to an earlier arrival before Shin was rescued or to step away and breathe through the sting in her eyes, unwilling to lay any more stress on Ahsoka’s shoulders.

The rest of the trip was spent in silence, save for Huyang’s mumbling of different coordinates or whatever they were apparently passing, along with, as they passed their clearance code to the spaceport closest to the medical frigatem randomized facts about Dac’s history and environment thanks to the Mon Calamari.

“Commander,” Rex began as they gathered near the shuttle doors. Before Ahsoka could correct him, she found that strong arms were wrapping around her midsection. She’d grown taller than him over the years… but it was nice to be able to drop her head into the familiar plastoid on his shoulder and squeeze him in her arms, knowing that despite everything, he was with her. “Bring the kid home, alright?”

Swelled with emotion, the Togruta only nodded as they parted. Kaeden stepped up next, as Rex slipped into the frigate, the medic moved to grab at Ahsoka’s face, thumbs brushing over the markings on her cheeks as the Force-Sensitive woman pressed into her. “Don’t forget, we need you to come home too,” She reminded gently, with a parting kiss to the crown of her head. Before Kaeden could depart, she paused in the doorway. “Bring our girl back,”

“ I will. ”

Jestfad was a mess, harder to navigate than some warzones, and drenched in the dark side. The electrical storm was threatening to short the entire ship, even Huyang's power cells found issues with the charge in the air, eyes flickering ominously as he did his best to keep himself and the ship moving as Ahsoka kept them free of direct strikes.

Worry was heavy in Ahsoka’s bones, urging her focus to remain only on getting through the storm. They just had to make it a little bit longer…

They broke through the worst of the storm, headlights cutting like a sharp blade through the thick fog that settled across the surface, beams swaying as they looked for anything that resembled a humanoid, coming up with boundless sights of storm-torn boulders and the like.

Shin would have been impossible to see if it hadn't been for the exactness of the coordinates that had been sent over the Fulcrum network, their small frame curled up under a stone monolith that absorbed lightning and kept her mostly safe; safer than Ahsoka was, open like prey waiting to be attacked. "Keep us in the air, we need to get out of here," She instructed, already making a mad dash for the door as they closed in on her position.

"I have a bad feeling about this!" Huyang called as Ahsoka dropped the ramp and readied the stairs to give her a boost in sliding down to the surface.

"All you need to feel right now is urgency, Huyang!" Ahsoka snipped from the open door, squinting as a bolt of lightning cut through her eyesight of Shin. The force swelled with a helpful exigency and her montrals rang with the aftershocks of the sharp crack of lightning further damaging their surroundings. "Now!"

The steps smoothed out immediately to send Ahsoka careening to the rocky surface of the planet hard . She had to hit the ground running to avoid the lightning that threatened to turn her to ash, but keeping herself moving after catching the state shin was in was another challenge in itself.

They were shaking from where their body curled in so tight, with how they sat with their hands folded in their lap, Ahsoka could make out the unnatural twists and angles their fingers made, and the gaping wounds that morbidly decorated their palms. Large chunks of skin were missing from her hands, barely scabbed over lacerations striping painfully across her fingers and knuckles racing almost halfway up her forearm. Blood soaked through the clothes they'd been taken in, blues and grays ruined with the dark, rust-colored evidence of the worst.

"Shin!" Ahsoka shouted over the storm, moving faster than she should have; Silver-blue eyes were half-glazed, jumping to her with absolute fear , unseeing and unregistering of the reality of Ahsoka’s presence.

"I'm sorry," The child had sobbed once Ahsoka grew near, montrals twitching at the rattle in their chest and the lethargy sinking into their being. Broken fingers flexed around nothing, and fear oozed from their being at a rate almost as concerning as all the blood.

All Ahsoka could offer to comfort them was her presence as she dropped to Shin’s side, ginger in the way she approached them and in the waves of pain that radiated off of them and into the very fibers of their bond. The wail of pain from them was agony in her head, one Ahsoka would not be quick to forget as she gathered her lanky kid up into her arms. "I know, I know-” As much as her heart ached to soothe Shin’s worries, to promise they had nothing to be sorry for, she had to be their Master more than their mother if she wanted any hope of getting them off that blasted moon.

Shin was light, physically at least, though she sunk into Ahsoka’s arms with the weight of a zillobeast, feverish forehead dropping against her lek as hot tears streaked down their face. “ Didn’t say anything ,” Shin rasped at last, voice all but a wheeze. “ They don’t know, ” The rattling in their chest seemed to shake their entire being, “I swear, m.. Ahsoka… please,” They couldn’t bring themselves to call her mom , not when the Inquisitor’s cutting remarks went far beyond their flesh.

Ahsoka paused, a strike of lightning caught the monolith, illuminating Shin’s face and the blood that stained sickly skin. “ Oh , Tazi Unt,” she wanted to cry, tell Shin that everything would be alright, and make everything all right. But the longer they stayed, the more dangerous it became both for her resilience in the force, and their physical wellbeing, and with each passing moment, the weaker Shin seemed to get.

The run back to the ship was harder, the storm grew stronger with every passing minute, and the shuttle was beginning to attract attention that they couldn't afford. "Huyang! We need to move, fast!" She shouted the minute her foot touched the durasteel ramp, muscles burning as Shin writhed in her arms uncomfortably, reaching but unable to truly hold onto the woman’s lek for comfort, failing to tether themselves into reality as their feverish state glazed over their eyes.

The ramp raised behind her as she all but flew into the cockpit, setting Shin down in the knick of time; A bolt struck the hull of the ship, and the next thing she knew, they were diving towards the ashen ground, plummeting to their deaths in seconds; Ahsoka had slammed into the pilots seat to grab at the controls, eyes fixed on the rapidly approaching ground, slamming her free hand into every available control around her, with the painful clicking of Huyang's haywire systems trying to reboot with such an intense electronic disturbance.

Faintly, she could hear Shin's erratic breaths, fighting to suck in wails to prove they were fine, even as fear flowed into their bond from the woman who just didn't have time to block it. They were trying to pull on the safety belts around them as their fate loomed ever closer, unable to even hook the straps into whatever was left of their hands, instead only able to watch and prepare themselves for the crash.

The underbelly of the shuttle scraped painfully against the planet as the power came back on, allowing Ahsoka's next hard yank at the controls to pull them up, and a well timed opening of the throttle to push them just out of the way of the next bolt of lightning that surely would have killed them.

Huyang clicked back to life with a start; the palm of his hand switching to the hyperdrive, engaging it quickly, with their emergency jump points already queued up for a speedy escape; Ahsoka didn't dare a look behind her, to the injured girl fighting to stay in their seat, shattered hands trying in vain to find some form of a handhold against the turbulence, only earning more bruises from the painful jostling in the seat as they fought to maintain stability in their lane.

Eventually, the ship steadied, and Ahsoka was able to take her attention away from the control panels at last, autopilot engaging with just a few buttons to maintain the course, listening to the broken gasps as Huyang knelt before Shin’s seat, and the sickening sound of bones being pulled into place along the splints. She couldn’t watch, but she couldn’t just sit there and do nothing, either.

“You’re okay, Tazi Unt , you’re alright,” She repeated those words like a mantra, even when the brunette’s head turned to bury into her stomach, attempting to spare themselves the sight that lay before them. “You’re doing so good,” She’d promised, cupping the back of the girl’s head with her hand, wincing at the indents and scabs along their scalp that felt too much like another being’s fingernails.

Their hands were in such disarray, tendons and bone made themselves known, ripping through pal, bloodied skin, and Huyang had to scramble to catch up and get some form of control in straightening them out. But to prevent further injury was to bring more pain, and in bringing her more pain, Ahsoka was stuck with their cries echoing in her head, and the way their small frame had shaken so violently in the chair.

When Shin’s cries of pain quieted and turned into something more haunting; whimpers and sucked in breaths, turning to silence aside from the absolute worse, Ahsoka knew they couldn’t continue. “Huyang, we don’t have anything to help, we can’t do this,” She croaked, hands hovering over Shin’s shoulders, unsure of whether or not she should soothe, or aid.

Somewhere, long ago, far away on a battlefield surrounded by men who looked the same, Ahsoka could hear the echos of her own voice, younger, back then, with the shrapnel from an IED tearing through sepia-colored skin- “Let me die-” The fourteen-year-old had begged as a Clone’s steady hand pulled everything from metal to bone shards from her skin.

“Let me die… Please.” The twelve-year-old sobbed into Ahsoka’s stomach, surely unaware of what they were asking for, unaware of everything but the way their bones cracked under Huyang’s fingers as he tried to reset the placement. “Huyang,” Ahsoka pleaded, voice thick with unshed emotion. “Stop.”

“Lady Tano, she needs medical attention, and you’ve dispatched our only medic-”

“Call her, then, please… Anything but this,”

With hyperspace came silence, and with the silence of the ship around them came the sound of Ahsoka’s own heart thudding in her chest, and an airy rattling that couldn’t have come from the ship- Shin’s chest rose and fell, yes, though it was rapid and unsteady, they couldn’t draw in enough oxygen and-

“Ahsoka? Did you get her?” Kaeden’s voice came from the small comm disc in Huyang’s hand, the sound of materials being moved around following her words.

“Kaeden, she can’t breathe,” The Togruta rushed, oxygen entering her lungs for the first time since Huyang stopped his relentless first aid, warm fingers pressed against their pulse point, the rhythm weak against her fingers, eyes blinking open slowly to watch as her mother’s eyes jumped around their face, to watch Huyang, as if Kaeden could slip from the comm to help, and makers, what she wouldn’t give for that right now.

“It’s okay, Ahsoka-” There was a small clatter on the other end. “In your cabin, I left a bag. There’s an oxygen canister and everything you should need-”

Shin tried to focus, really she did. But Kaeden’s voice sounded like it was coming from far underwater, and the persistent lingering feeling of drowning stayed clogged in lungs that struggled to fill with enough oxygen. “ Meht ?” Shin called, her voice crackling under a wheeze. Huyang’s fingers around their wrist stopped the child from reaching out as Ahsoka pulled away from them. Why was she leaving them? She didn’t talk… “Meht, please-” Their voice came in a broken sob, lungs constricting as they tried in vain to rise past Huyang. The Inquisitor was right, and Ahsoka never considered them hers and-

There was just no more energy left to cry, no water left to sustain the tears that contorted their bruised and bloody face as a high, broken sound leaked past split lips, aching with the sorrows no one their age should have known. “She will be back, young Tano,” Huyang tried to ease them as he wound a strip of gauze across their hands, the rich smell of bacta stinging her nose even after the worst was covered. “Here she comes-” His voice couldn’t go as soft as he was trying to portray, the distortion felt like an out-of-body experience as he leaned back, away from Shin-

“ Please ,” Again, they keened, unable to turn their head to catch Ahsoka juggling items back through the door, only the heart-sinking sight of even Huyang moving away from her. “ I didn’t say anything, please ,” She couldn’t sob, could only crackle out against blood-stained lips and try to plead her case, to beg for their forgiveness and only hope to be accepted.

The hand that cradled the side of their head had been startling- Black gloves shoving into brunette tangles, gathering them up in strong hands to twist, and pull, or to hold a flailing body under the surface until the fight had left it, only to use the handhold to drag them up and force air back into their lungs. She did not notice the warmth or the way Ahsoka had jumped back twice as much, how every ounce of progress they’d made in getting Shin to accept her safety had been extinguished like a campfire on Kamino.

“No,” Ahsoka listened with pursed lips and the beast of grief heavy in her heart. “Let me die,” Shin’s hands raised, broken fingers useless in their attempt to curl into a fist to protect their face, blind to the broken horror on Ahsoka’s face as the girl shrank away from her in fear, expecting Ahsoka to hurt them.

“Shin!” It was Kaeden’s voice on the comm this time, hazy and alternating the line between reality and delirium. “Right here, okay, just listen to me, alright? Just breathe,” She spoke slow enough to earn her their attention but was unable to aid in calming the way they sucked in air too fast.

“Can’t-”

“It’s okay, baby, your mom is going to help you, okay? She’s right there, she’s right next to you, okay?” The medic couldn’t see, the comm wasn’t equipped for video imaging, but she trusted, maybe even in the Force, that Ahsoka was right where she promised. “ ‘soka, do you know how to set that up?”

“Yeah, yes, I got it-” Keeping her voice level was a lesson she’d learned long ago; it helped her brothers feel more at peace, whether they’d died on the battlefield, or in the relative comfort of the medical wings as long as she didn’t allow her own fear to waver in her voice. “I’m here, I’m not going anywhere. I won’t leave you… Not this time, never again…”

Quiet reassurances were passed between mother and daughter as thin tubing was carefully laid out, looping behind their ears before the cannulas were placed at their nose. “Your mom is going to help you breathe, alright, just let the air in. Ahsoka, when she’s ready, turn the knob on the canister forty-five degrees counter-clockwise.”

Shin coughed and sputtered at the oxygen pushing into her lungs, lidded eyes flying open to the sight of Ahsoka trying to adjust the tubing, aching to touch them but unwilling to brush against their skin again, lest she be the reason they went back again. “You’re alright, Tazi Unt ,” She cooed, settling herself into a kneeling position at their side,two fingers pressing gently against the center of their chest, listening as their breathing struggled to even out while feeling for the rest of the damage that tore through their small frame, hidden beneath their ill-fitting tunic.

“You’re doing so good, baby girl,” Kaeden called, easing Shin into finding some sort of compliance, relieving their struggle against the aid offered.

“Ahsoka, I need you to keep listening to their breathing, have Huyang take over the controls for a bit,” Huyang’s eyes met Ahsoka’s and without a word, the droid rose to his feet, sliding into Ahsoka’s chair and adjusting everything to himself as he brought their course up on a map, taking them out of autopilot so he could work around through the different shortcuts the Rebellion had found.

“Meht?” Shin was blinking up at her, bleary-eyed and beaten down, shoulders shaking with the looming threat of freezing cold water, long dried, but sticking far beyond their skin brought an intense chill. “I swear…” They coughed, a thick and sickly sounding thing as they struggled to allow the oxygen to help them breathe.

“I believe you,” Ahsoka promised, fingers hovering where they wanted so badly to reassure them through touch again. “No one blames you, strong girl. We only want to help it stop hurting, but… we won’t be able to do anything more until we get to Kaeden, okay…?”

The hypospray was in her pocket, she knew she needed to help Shin to sleep, but it was wrong to do such a thing, to even suggest it after all they’d been through, knowing that any kind of a needle brought into the mix wouldn’t be allowed anywhere near them-

“Please… hurts.” They croaked, closing the distance between their feverish forehead and Ahsoka’s hovering hand of their own accord, seeking comfort in the way Ahsoka’s thumb brushed across the old and ruined paint across their cheeks. Offering her permission to touch them once again. “I don’t want… “ They paused, unsure in their delirious request. The Force answered for her, instead of pain or chains, the child’s request came in the phantom feeling of arms wound against her. “It’s okay, Tazi Unt… I can do that for you, anything you need.” She promised gently, using the aid of the Force to help adjust their position in the chair, keeping their hands steady through the Force until she could slide herself in beneath them, their weight resting fully against her chest as the seat creaked under their combined weight.

Shin’s head tucked into Ahsoka’s neck, though the woman had to loosely wrap her fingers around their wrists to keep them still, their resistance weak as they struggled against the urge to reach for her mother’s lek. Their erratic breathing slowed once their weight was settled, allowing Ahsoka’s mind to drift away from the weight of the sedative stashed in her pockets,

“Ahsoka?” Kaeden’s voice on the comm reminded the Togruta of her virtual presence. “I know it’s calm now… but I need you to keep an eye on Shin’s breathing, even the slightest change and we’ll need to adjust our entire approach.”

“I… She’s as steady as she can be, right now,” Their heart still thundered in their chest, pulse thrumming wildly against the pads of Ahsoka’s thumbs where they pressed into the point on her wrist, feeling the broken rise and fall of their chest as the girl fought to retain every lesson they’d ever been given on easing that pain into the force where it could dissipate.

“Did you use..?”

“No… I don’t think I can…” Ahsoka’s eyes slid shut in reverence, lips pulling into a frown as Shin’s weight twitched against her. All she’d wanted was to have them back in her arms, but now, with their breath coming in broken puffs against her chest, all she found that she wanted was some way to relieve them from their pain. “ I’m sorry, ” Her nose brushed against the veritable womp-rat’s nest of their head, nose crinkling at how wrong Shin smelled when iron, dirt, and grease hung on them like a thick smog.

“She’s going to be alright, Ahsoka. You found her, she’s safe . Huyang will get you guys back here, and we can treat them properly… we’ll make this work.”

Ahsoka’s sound of discontent is trapped between her teeth as she worries a fang into her bottom lip. Kaeden spoke, but Fulcrum did not listen, focused entirely on the whistling in Shin’s lungs as exhaustion pulled their consciousness under, the hiss of the oxygen pushing into their nose through the cannulas the only other sound she could find it in her to care about.

“Ahsoka…?” Kaeden called, though Ahsoka could not gauge how much time had passed, wild eyes filled with worry and tunneled on the small human form curled into her chest. “Hey, you still with me?”

“Yeah…” Her voice croaked, hoarse as the hailstorm of emotion that refused to bleed into the force dragged down on each syllable.

“Shut your eyes a bit- I’ll keep my ears out if Shin moves, okay? And Huyang will wake you up- Right Huyang?” She called towards the droid piloting the ship, satisfied with the sound of his servos whirring as his head nodded in the affirmative, even if she couldn’t see him; they’d always had an understanding when it came to their two Fulcrum agents.

Emotions swirled inside Ahsoka’s chest, dark and rotting- She breathed through it, always had, and always would- Shin was safe . Shin needed her at her best… It was logic she could get behind, the logic that she could rationalize as the days' worth of sleep deprivation caught up with her. An exhale, and the rot subsided, blooming into something lighter , even if the roots were tainted in toxic sludge.

A dark covered hand reached out for their face, this time, Shin did not flinch away in fear, to their horror, they found their cheek pressing into morbid fingers, something sinful on their tongue as fingers dragged through their hair. “You’re more like me than you want to admit.” The Monster breathed, putrid breath ghosting across their cheeks, filling poison in their lungs.

Fingers curled in their hair, tugging harshly as the child’s head was wrenched back. “Show me.” Shin heard their own voice rasp out, and felt the words betray her on her own lips. “ Teach me .”

A flash of orange, green dust caught in the wind, something… purple-

Their eyes opened in a flash, breathing stuttering as their heart thundered. Restraints dug into her skin, something beeped nearby. Unable to gather the strength to look, Shin’s eyes slammed shut tight. But Ahsoka came… She was supposed to be safe!

Testing at her restraints, she found that the Inquisitor hadn’t locked their wrists to the chair. Broken fingers protested at the movement, though they persisted, moving to rub the snot on their nose away on their forearm- The tubes near their face gave them pause and their next inhale was thick with growing emotion. What were they doing to her now? Was that green dust something else to make her talk…? She was so tired… Why didn’t they just kill her already?Her pinkie curled around a tube, it hurt, but she couldn’t just lay there while they pumped her full of… whatever this was. “Please… Just let me die.” They croaked in a broken whisper, pulling in vein at the tubes that looped back behind her ears.

“Shin…? Sweetheart is that you?”

Her voice was warm, drowsiness dragged her voice an octave deeper- a naive part of Shin had always loved it when Kaeden would tell her stories in her sleepy voice.

“Meht…” Broken and tired, Shin’s head relaxed back into the warm flesh of Ahsoka’s shoulder, eyes cracking open enough at last to peer up at the once familiar lights and panels all across the ceiling. “They won’t let me die…”

“No… We aren’t going to let you die, d'bhem. ” A whine formed in the base of Shin’s throat, a sound as broken and desolate as they looked outside. Something clattered on Kaeden’s end, though Shin could not speculate when the predator under her shifted her weight, a sleepy grumble that came in the form of a rumbling chest and a squeeze of her arms reminded the girl of her situation.

“If I’m not going to die..” Shin dared a look at her hands, finding immediate regret in the way bile, nothing but stomach acid, gurgled up their throat, threatening to expel past their lips at the sight before them. Swallowing thickly, Shin focused instead on the ceiling once more, breathing heavily through her nose, silently thankful for the support they were given. “I can’t be a Jedi… Not like this… I’m ruined.” They whispered, tension leaving their body as they went boneless in warm, restricting arms. “ She isn’t going to want me around anymore.”

“That’s not true. It’ll never be true. We want you, we want you with us all the time, sweetheart… and we will make it better…” A pause, someone’s voice called out on Kaeden’s side. “What’s that thing Ahsoka’s always saying? Do or do not…?”

“There is no try,” Shin’s cheek pressed into Ahsoka’s bicep, freezing body seeking to find some warmth in their mother’s unnatural body heat. There was an uncomfortable shifting as the child wiggled, struggling to raise their head enough to take in Ahsoka’s face for what felt like the first time.

Dark bags hung under the Togruta’s eyes, stress lines etched into the creases of her face, and even her facial markings seemed to be permanently scrunched up as she failed to find relaxation in a fitful slumber. “...Is she okay?”

A pause, the clatter of Kaeden setting something down as she took a measured breath. “She’s just worried about you, Tazi grut .”

Shin’s breathing stuttered again, throat itching with a cough they were unwilling to release, not wanting to risk waking Ahsoka up after causing her so much strife. “ I’m sorry, I never meant to wo-”

“Babygirl,” Kaeden cut her off effectively, “When you love someone, you’re always going to worry. Even Huyang can’t turn that one off.”

“Oh…” Shin’s chin tucked into her chest bashfully. “Did… Did I worry you…?”

Warm laughter bubbled from the line, tight with the stressors depressing on this brief moment of reprieve. “Very, very , much. But I’ll see you very soon, and I’m going to be here the whole way, I’m not going anywhere, so don’t you go where I can’t follow.” Her plea was hidden in false merriment, although Shin could hear it clear as day. “Do you think you can try getting some more sleep for me? I’m not sure how much further you have to go…”

Shin could see the way Huyang’s metallic fingers flexed against the controls- Tried not to think about curling their own fingers, or the way her own were broken in a similar fashion. “Can I take this off…?” Their forearm brushed against the tubing that crossed along her cheek.

“Sorry, baby… Not just yet,” And maybe it was the genuine sympathy in the woman’s voice, or maybe it was exhaustion threatening to take them back that had Shin’s arm dropping, broken hands resting over Ahsoka’s gauntlets, smearing blood across the material as they pressed into the familiar garment.

“Okay… You’ll be here when…?” Shin wouldn’t dare to finish, unsure what would be waiting for them, if this was another hallucination, or if the Force would be relenting enough to allow this moment to be real, even if she could feel the way her life threatened to slip through her own mangled fingers.

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world, my little hunter.”

Silence followed, the ship rattled, Shin’s broken breathing accentuated by the whisper of snores sneaking past Ahsoka’s lips. “Hey Huyang…?” Their voice was timid where it broke the tense tranquility. “Can you tell me about the Purgill again…?”

The droid cleared his nonexistent throat, clearly glad to be doing something other than bringing further harm to Shin or piloting through the emptiness of hyperspace. “Once upon a time, in a galaxy far far away…”

The proximity alarms blared; doing nothing to ease the swirling pit of anxiety in Rex’s stomach, fingers flexing around the handles of his blasters as they watched the ship pop out of hyperspace, peering through thick transparisteel as he may have all those years ago, once again waiting for Ahsoka return with someone he cared for.. “It’s okay, Rex, we’re safe-” Kaeden’s voice was gentle, pulling him from his thoughts, away from the memories of fallen brothers and Jetti that had been brought home in starships just like the T-6.

Brown eyes looked at her with a pain built upon years of fighting that she could barely begin to understand. “T-6 one-niner-seven-four you are clear to land,” Kaeden could hear the flight crew through the shuttle’s speakers echoing through her comm.

The silence was thick, both humans could feel their hearts thundering in their ears, neither daring to break the silence until purposeful footsteps rang through the hall leading to the operating room. “Fulcrum, we can prep her sooner if you-” Kaeden could only imagine the look on Ahsoka’s face as the voice froze in its tracks. The doors hissed open, revealing Ahsoka, with her lips still curled and fangs bared in a warning, with something that screamed danger lurking in the flecks of yellow that seemed to poison her irises, and with a lump of human in her arms, all awkward angles and dried blood. She needed something to hold onto- to ground herself. Thankfully, Rex’s arm was in reach. Her fingers curled around the ancient plastoid, feeling the soldier’s hand reach to grab her elbow, taking the same support being given as they leaned on each other. She took a breath, letting her eyes slide shut as Ahsoka’s long strides closed the distance. She couldn’t look at this personally, couldn’t look at the fractured bundle in Ahsoka’s arms as Shin. “Kaeden.” Ahsoka’s voice cracked. She’d hoped in vain that the crackling in their earlier conversation was due to the comms, had hoped she wouldn’t have to hear the ache in each syllable. She released her hold on Rex, straightening up as she reached for the bundle in Ahsoka’s arms. “I’ll take them from here, Ahsoka.” Her voice wavered, forcing her to clear her throat as the bundle was passed into her arms. She couldn’t tell who was trembling more, Ahsoka, Shin, or herself? She’d caught a glance at the pre-teen's face, all pale skin and a multitude of bruises, pounding on that invisible barrier she’d stuffed her emotions behind.

“Come on, Commander. Kid’s in good hands.” Rex’s voice was rough as he reached for Ahsoka, grabbing her elbow and expertly ignoring the way she mirrored the deadly Akul from her planet, saw past the twinge in her jaw that threatened teeth that itched to tear into his flesh, muscles that spasmed, taut and ready to spring into action for even the notion that he would take her away from her own.

With Rex and Ahsoka retreating, the small team of trusted medics finally felt safe enough to step in, careful hands helping as the woman laid Shin out against the operating table. They were no strangers to the cruelties of the Empire, not at this point, not when the Empire grew bolder in their blatant disrespect for all life.

“Careful.” She hissed, just under her breath as a faceless attendant slid the fabric shears through the ruined tunic, all careful stitching and loving repairs forgotten in favor of granting them access to the battlefield painted against a child's skin. “Oh, makers. ” Kaeden paused, her head snapping to the side, bile rising in her throat- she stumbled back, and felt another medic place their hands on her back, steadying her when the sight became overwhelming

“If it’s too much, we understand-”

“I’m fine.” The woman spoke all too quickly. “Continue prepping her, Jlik’fi, help me scrub in, please.”

Rex learned all too well than when it came to his General, it was better to let him pace when Ahsoka was stuck in the sick bay. Letting the Knight wear holes in his boots and only interfering when gloves hands would reach to pull at his hair or hint at some form of danger- some way to let the worry out that would leave the maintenance squad trying to fix the dents. Thankfully, Ahsoka didn’t have hair to pull on as she stalked the length of the small quarters he’d been ushered into, and as wild as she was when she was a kid, she’d never been big on the violent outbursts..

She did, however, have dried blood coating her skin, blood that wasn’t hers , blood that should have been safely flowing through her padawans’ veins, not painting her skin in all its horror.

Blunt nails scraped at her arms, flecking rust-colored remnants away and leaving white scratches in their wake. “Commander,” Rex heaved a great sigh as he stood. Ahsoka sure wasn’t a youngling anymore, and the Togruta had outgrown him tenfold, all broad shoulders and lean muscle, montrals sprouting like a crown from the sides of her head. He’d never been scared of her before, but there was something… off. Something that screamed danger, just like Anakin, a red flag that no one knew to catch onto. “Ahsoka.” He repeated for what had to have been the hundredth time, trying to get the Force-Sensitive to acknowledge his existence before she worried a hole into her lip, where fangs indented the skin of her lip, threatening to break the skin.

“She’s in there with the best of the best-“

“What if it’s not enough?” She hissed, voice dropping, weighted down by that ache that went deeper than her bones, the pain that seemed to permeate her being in the very force.

Rex blinked, a slow, contemplative expression furrowing his features as he reached to scratch his fingers through his beard. Ahsoka was always a woman of action , she didn’t get caught up in the ‘what-ifs’.

“We have to let her try, though. All we can do right now is make sure, when Shin wakes up, that we’re here, right where she needs us.” He reasoned, scooting himself to sit on the edge of his seat, fingers curling around the edge of the table he’d sat himself at. “C’mon, kid. Sit with an old man.”

“I’m older than you.” She lacked the emotion, the impish look that would cross their faces when they teased each other about age, but it was a start .

“Well, only one of us can get the senior citizen discount at forty-twos.”

“Rex, it’s literally a clone bar, built by your brothers.” Her pacing came to an end as she slid bonelessly into the seat opposite him. Trembling fingers came to rest on the tabletop, though he was quick to cover her hands with his own, hiding the dried blood that clung to her skin under the guise of squeezing her hands in his own.

“Yeah well… meli-room, meel-roo-un.” A smile cracked his lips as he shook his head, playfully dismissive of her argument. “Now c’mon. What’s that thing you Jetti are obsessed with? Meditation?”

“ You want to meditate ?” Fulcrum asked incredulously, the facial markings above her eyes furrowing in disbelief as he shrugged.

“Give it a shot before you carve a hole into the floor…” he just didn’t want to watch her lose herself, didn’t want to watch her plummet the same way Anakin had after she’d left. He could never help but feel like there was more he could have done, and when it came to his vod’ika , he was determined to do all in his power to never feel that strange, encompassing guilt once more.

“Alright… alright.” She slipped her hand from his in order to rub at the side of her montral, surely aching from the intense stress of the day.

Rex couldn’t help how closely he paid attention to the way the gold-flecked in her eyes lessened with her agreement, how her eyes slid shut but her chest still rose and fell too fast to achieve a proper meditation. He found his own worry easing now that the gnawing unknown fled from his vod’ika, leaving her as she was- exhausted and sick with worry, but Ahsoka all the same.

With a quiet groan, the clone rose from his seat, putting himself on the floor right beside her, legs folded beneath him with his head leaning against her knee, one hand resting against her ankle as he lent her his strength.

The Togruta’s hand dropped from the tabletop, curling against the plastoid armor at his shoulder before dropping to his chest plate, following a grove left from a battle she could hardly remember.

Rex’s breathing became more pronounced, giving her something to follow as her fingertips rested over his heart.

Eventually, her own breathing evened out, the Togruta seemed to slip back, away from the immediate stressors of reality as she dipped into the vast pool of life that was the Force, surely seeking answers or calm beyond what a mere mortal could ever provide.

“We’ll be okay, commander.” He grumbled, voice barely breaking the white noise of the air recyclers humming in the walls.

Rex didn’t know how long it took, or how much time had passed before one of Kaeden’s medics poked their head into the room, rousing both Clone War survivors from their separate stupors. He did know, however, that when he looked at Ahsoka, the gold in her eyes was gone, and that worrying gnawing on his heart had subsided as she rose from her seat to follow them back to the room aboard the frigate.

Kaeden looked as exhausted as everyone felt, all but collapsed into a chair at Shin’s bedside in the frigid room. Warmed blankets covered the frail body in bed, with a skinny wrist poking beneath the covers, tubes, and wires going this way, and that while medical equipment and droids beeped a symphony of life around them.

Warm brown fingers curled around Shin’s wrist, just above the length of bandages that curled around the girl's hands and up her wrists, grounding herself to the steady thrumming of blood in her veins as she waited.

“Kaeden,” Ahsoka greeted in a whisper, eyes taking over the room. The rest of the medical team had filed out on Kaeden’s request, leaving the family with much-needed silence.

“She’s okay.” Kaeden rasped, thumb brushing against the small patch of unmarred skin beneath her fingers.

Ahsoka crowded her field of vision when she knelt before her, taking her attention with soft eyes and kind fingers tapping against her chin. The question was silent, passed between the two women with a glance. “I’m okay,” she promised, free hand reaching to wrap around Ahsoka’s wrist, thumb pressing into the pulse point in a gentle swipe. “Get your girl.”

With permission, Ahsoka finally allowed herself to take in the sight of the child- her child as they laid out before her. Her hair was cut and shaved in a patchwork where the team had needed to handle the injuries that had danced across the delicate surface of her head. Stitches and bandages broke up the expanse of pale skin and bruises on their path to disappear beneath the thin shirt provided. Even in sleep, Shin’s face was contorted in pain, nose wrinkled at the smell of bacta across her bruises that permeated even her medically aided dreams, with small twitches and spasms firing through various muscles as the haze of sedatives wore down.

“ Oh, Shin. ” Ahsoka whispered, taking her place at her Padawan’s side, reaching out to ghost her fingers along the mess of bandages, careful to avoid the wires that let the humans hear the unstable thrum of her heart, to know that she was alive, to promise that she was there , with them, when the minuscule rise and fall of her chest failed to ease their concerns.

Ahsoka’s very bones seemed to rattle inside their prison of flesh and muscle. She recognized this for what it was- with each wave of pain that thrumemd in time with her heart beat, she focused on the feeling, the attachment, so dangerous to someone like her, like them . Even now, she could feel the way the ache for revenge itched under her skin, the way something darker whispered in her mind. You can make sure no one ever hurts her again .

Drawing her legs onto the chair with her, the Togruta repositioned herself, heavy eyes falling closed with the sound of Shin’s breathing and the beeping of the monitors tethering her to the world around her. She’d been down this road before, many years ago, had lost countless brothers and felt the same simmering danger under the surface, a poison that threatened to sink into her bones and take control.

Attachments led to pain, Jedi were taught to forgo all attachments, to let go and become something greater .

Something rumbled in Ahsoka’s chest, unknown, uncultivated, something the Jedi would have never bothered to teach her to understand, a feeling and a hurt so primal, unlike anything she’d ever known the dark side to be capable of- a low, keening sound escaped her lips. She was no stranger to the behaviors of Torguta, but she’d been left to assume that such a… visceral reaction to one of her pack being injured would have been long removed from her abilities.

The sound dragged Kaeden from her solemn reverence. She was familiar with the Force-Senstive’s silence when she’d meditated, had only ever heard the warrior speak in quiet words that commanded attention. Even injured herself, Ahsoka had never emitted such a noise, not in all the time she, nor Rex, had known her. And despite Shin’s own human biology, it seemed that the noise resonated in her, too. Enough for glassy eyes to crack open and a hand to lift just mere centimeters from the bed. “Meht.” Shin had croaked, voice barely loud enough to register past all the equipment.

To Ahsoka, though- The rasp in their voice was an answer, not just to the question pressing on all their shoulders, but to that deeper ache in her chest, lessening when she opened her own eyes and saw herself reflected in watery depths. “I’m here, Tazi Unt. ” She leaned across the bed until the tips of her Lek dragged against the scratchy material of the sheets, letting her fingers ghost over the sliver of skin that poked out of the bandages along Shin’s arm. “ You are here.”

She could feel the way Shin’s muscles quivered, the strain keeping her arm raised was taking. With a gentle press, Ahsoka succeeded in easing the girl's arm into dropping back into the bed, a look of relief- albeit minor in comparison to everything else, crossing their face, allowing the girl just a moment of peace.

It didn’t last, of course. Nothing good ever seemed to. The girls mind finally seemed to break through the barriers of painkillers, racing to catch her up to speed with the burning sting in her flesh and the fractures in her bones that ran deep enough to penetrate their very soul. “Ahsoka…” The woman blinked- Her name from those lips was wrong , yet she could not stand to correct them, not when she’d failed them as both Master and Mother. “Don’t…. Don’t lose yourself for me.” They grumbled, weariness dragging them back down as the weight settled back across her shoulders. “I’m… You’re not- I…”

A bandaged hand brushed against her lekku, making them both wince: Ahsoka in shock, and Shin in what could only be pain. “Hush now, Shin… Just. Get some rest, okay?” Ahsoka pressed forward until her lips came to rest at the crown of Shin's head, pulling back just enough to watch as exhaustion dragged their eyelids down and their breathing deepened into something as close to a restful sleep as any of them could hope to get anytime soon.

Translations Togruti Mi K’ya Ke Omak - I want to live Tazi Unt - Little one Meht - Mother d'bhem - love Tazi Grut - Little Hunter Mando'a Aliit - Family Jetti - Jedi Vod - Brother/Sister Ori'Vod - Older Brother/Sister Vod'ika - Little Brother / Sister

#Shin Tano AU #somewillwin #Ahsoka Tano #Shin Hati #star wars #fanfiction #read warnings

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