#I’m actually still overwhelmed rn y’all know how LONG I waited for this to be animated

[lilypatchkins]

I love them dearly

[pookiesmcbride]

*sorry this is very long but i have a bit of a finale headcanon at the end :)*

i’m almost 100% positive that caryl will have an important interaction in the finale. whether it’s canon or something close to it, we’ll get something good for them. the writers wouldn’t leave their relationship how it is right now and especially not when they have the excuse of putting a big caryl moment in a finale. those few seconds of weirdness when carol came back was supposed to be that way, bc we’re supposed to get this feeling that theyve got unfinished business between each other, that no, they’re not on good terms rn and it’s never rly been like this between them before- but it could never stay that way.

further proof that we’ll get something is that carol went back to ASZ to make things right with those she loves, bc “it’s never too late.” considering carol doesn’t open up to her fam much, if at all, kelly is a great first step in this direction. we need to remember that carol probably never opened up to Ed all those years bc it most likely ended in a beating. plus with tobin she wore a mask the entire time, and she never wanted to open up to ezekiel either, which was kinda the cause of their rise and their downfall. zeke never knew the “real carol”, so she was content to live this little fairytale bc she could ignore all these demons in her head. there’s a common theme with carol and wearing these masks, and ending up alone a lot, hence the mention of “lonewolf” from kelly.

IMO, the last person, if not the only person ever, that carol has actually opened up to is daryl. he’s the one person noticing that she’s not being herself, and thus the only one that is caring about that. in 10x14 i think carol realizes this fact. “i could never let that happen.” she knows how important daryl is to her and if she ever wants to get to her real, happy self in the future, she’s gotta go back to daryl and make sure he’s okay, and that their relationship is okay. he’s the only one that really truly knows her, and considering hes one of the first in carol’s life to be this person for her, it’s overwhelming.

the problem now is talking to him. she wants to, and i believe he wants to as well, but it’s carol who’s gotta make the move here. getting thru the nitty gritty with him is so much harder than kelly because she knows him so much better, and she has it engrained in her head that she’s ruined his future and their important bond from her actions, how do you even begin to talk about that ya know? any word i say could ruin this forever, wtf do i even say? she was crying even talking to kelly, with daryl her emotions will be tenfold.

daryls done everything he could to let her know he’s a safe space - and his frustration rn is that she’s still running and not wanting to take him up on his many offers to talk to him- but she needs to decide. talking to kelly is a good baby step to get this courage to talk to him. like oh, maybe all of this turmoil and hatred is coming from my own head, my fam doesn’t actually despise me as much as i think. daryl probably still does, but there’s a chance he may not, maybe i’ll go take the chance.

i’m not sure how this conversation will begin or the circumstances they’ll be in when they do this. (i do think tho that connie will be revealed as dead beforehand) . maybe carol will blurt it out when they’re pushing back a big horde or something, or maybe there’s a moment of quiet in the hospital and they’ll be sitting like they were when carol was hallucinating daryls speech about his dad. i have no idea. but i imagine they’ll say some things like this.

“daryl..do you wanna know why i asked you not to hate me? ive told you before that i cant lose you, but it’s more than just in death. so much more. you’re the person that could bring me back from this. sometimes i get really caught up in this shit but i always seem to come back to you and things get a little better. you don’t have to forgive me for what happened, please don’t. i deserve it. but i just... really need you with me. you’re the last one daryl.. the last one who knows me. i cant be alone with myself.

did anyone ever tell you about what happened to lizzie and mika? *proceeds to choke thru the story and how she’s being plagued by her kids all the time. i imagine daryl begins holding her thru this and she’s talking into his chest/shoulder* I’m a fucking monster daryl. i kill kids and anyone else who’s in my path. dont forgive me for what happened in that cave either. i hate that i didn’t listen to you. i didn’t listen to a word you said and now connies gone. *starts sobbing* you tried so hard for me and i just... ruined everything for you. the one girl you cared about, the future you were fighting for, daryl i’m just so sorry.”

*i imagine there being some silence as daryl lets carol get all her tears out. then daryl starts talking into her hair or something*

“you know you’re not a monster. the farthest thing from it carol. you’ve saved us more times than i can count on my hands, and that includes you killing lizzie. she could’ve hurt even more people, you did the right thing. and you even saved judith over there, look where she is now *points to judith takin a little nap across the room*

you’ve always got the best intentions. nothing you could do would push me away, you need to know that. what hurts the most is you always try to get away from everyone. from me. *looking into her eyes at this point* you think everyone hates you enough to be fine with you gone? carol i can’t lose you as much as you do me... and that’s terrifying. *chuckles* never realize i need you more than when you’re not here. never felt i needed anyone before i met you, honest. *goes back to hugging her to his chest so he can get the courage to say this next part*

you were the first person i tried to find when that cave collapsed. i stayed put in those woods a few days ago waiting, just staring into the dark for you to come back to us. the reason i fought so hard for you to fight for a future is that i wanted you to be here for mine. you’re the only one i can see clearly in it, and if you were dead... god i dunno where i’d be. but you’re the girl i care about. connie was a great friend, but i really just need you. i just... please stay.”

*then i imagine carol carefully moving away from his chest with tears in her eyes and the biggest smile, she wipes his tears a bit and keeps her hand there. they stare at each other for a quick sec then look at each other’s lips, slowly moving in then BOOM cockblock from something and now we have to wait until s11*

sorry this ended up being vv long all in all I HAVE HOPE OK hope y’all are staying healthy and hopefully we don’t have to wait too long for this beauty🥺

[har-rison-s]

heaven: 16

nothing lasts forever

request/plot: Stan x Reader where they were together back in Derry and kind of forgot about each other after moving away but they always had a void in their lives. And then when Stan is just about to do it after Mikes call his phone rings and it’s you and you’re crying after just getting off the phone with Mike to come to Derry. You both end up going back and seeing each other at the restaurant and you guys just catch up after all these years that passed and old feelings come back.

A/N: Hi! Part sixteen already. Whew, last one was quite long, wasn’t it? It’s one of my best works ever, I think. Has me feeling so many emotions, and quite strongly, idk. Welp, here goes one of the last chapters. I still haven’t decided how many more chapters there will be, but I just know this Heaven is nearing its end. I hope you all like how this turns out. I’m still a bit conflicted between a few characters and plot points of the ending, like I have a few versions of the ending in mind, and I wanna execute all and none of them at the same time. If I decide on this one ending that’s the most strong out of all of them, I hope y’all won’t kill me. I just finished rewatching the 1990 mini-series. Damn, that’s messy. The dialogues, the special effects… Don’t even get me started on the acting. Anyways, happy quarantine reading! Love you lots <3

warnings: long as always hahahah, wounds, blood, food, nothing else

word count: 3.7k

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Gif credit goes to owner, which isn't me! (Also, it's raining in the gif but idc! Y'all know it's morning and sunny as hell in Derry, Maine rn!)

“Could we have six menus and a first-aid kit?” Richie Tozier asks the young waitress who has approached their miserable-looking table. Her eyebrows raise and she scans the eight adults to see why they would need a first aid kit—not that it’s any of her business—and she screams, coming across Eddie’s bleeding side. The Losers flinch at the high pitch of her scream.

“You need to get to the hospital!” She says, tears streaming down her face. Now this one’s quite emotional for six o’clock in the morning, the Losers think in unison and exchange looks between themselves, finding it imposible to say any words at the current moment. 

“I promise, he’s fine.” Richie tells the girl, looking at her through his thick glasses.

“It’s just a scratch.” Eddie says non-chalantly, and the waitress thinks to herself that these really are a bunch of crazy people, as she presumed when they walked inside the diner. “Besides, I’m a doctor. Could you please bring the menus and a.... uh, a first-aid kit?” He squints and tries his best at a smile at the crying waitress. 

She gathers herself, wipes her tears and smiles as wide as up to her ears. “Right away.” She says in a squeaky voice and leaves their table. The Losers exchange looks between themselves once again, overwhelmed by the events of the night and by the heavily emotional waitress that they have to deal with. They huddle closer together to one another in their red-and-white leather seated booth. 

The place smells of freshly cooked food, coffee and cigarettes. Oh, they’ll all definitely have coffee. A mood and energy booster, that’s for sure, that’s what they need. Though none of them are sure they even have such a thing as a ‘mood’, or ever will. This morning they’re certainly not in any kind of mood. To be completely honest, the Losers feel quite hollow. They feel completed, and they feel a lot of love and pride, but they feel empty inside, as if there’s a hole in their chests and it keeps getting more hollow. 

Stanley’s head rests on Y/N’s shoulder, his hair fallen against her delicate neck. She runs her fingers slowly through his semi-dry curls. Only the roots have dried, and slowly the draught moves further through his jet black strands, taking its time. Stanley places his hand over Y/N’s in his lap, their fingers intertwining seconds after. She lays a kiss on his forehead, and he closes his eyes. You can be at peace.

Y/N looks onto Eddie and Richie, both anxiously waiting for that requested first-aid kit. But they look more peaceful than ever before and Y/N thinks, they all must look that way. Richie’s arm has fallen with natural force around Eddie’s shoulders, and Eddie holds that slack hand in his own, creating a lock of security around himself. Richie’s other hand is drumming against the marbled surface of the table, and he looks at Bev and Ben across the table.

They’re talking to themselves abotu something so quietly that no one can hear them. Their foreheads are pressed together and they’re playing with each other’s hands softly, playfully. Bev’s crimson locks touch Ben’s cheek ever so softly and he closes his eyes. January embers. He opens his eyes again and looks strongly into Bev’s. My heart burns there, too.

Bill tries not to watch them too strikingly. But it’s hard, his first supposed crush and love sitting at the other end of the table with his best friend, completely in their own world, completely in love. It’s hard for his heart, to be precise. His mind knows better. You know better, Bill, you have a wife that you love and, now that you think of it, looks a lot like Bev here. And Beverly’s happy. So are the rest of your friends. You’ll go home and you’ll be happy, too. Back home with Audra, her movies, your novels and their shitty endings. 

Maybe I don’t want to go home, he finds himself thinking. And he’s a bit surprised by that thought. Hmm. What does that mean? Maybe I could live in Derry, spend the rest of my days here, watching as the town, hopefully, evolves, changes. Maybe he can live with Mike now. Bill looks over at his friend. Mike’s smiling, smiling for his friends and his own self, but he’s not looking at them. Mike is probably gonna stay, isn’t he? So what’s so bad about me staying here, and with him? 

Actually Bill doesn’t even wanna think about going back what’s been, for the last thirteen years, considered home. The thought of it makes him sick, for some reason. Maybe he’s not yet ready to think about it all, think about the possibility of going back to England and telling Audra they’re moving to Derry. Yeah, she is not gonna like it at all. And he’s not gonna like that she won’t like it. The thought of it makes him sick, as already said. 

“Here are your menus and the kit.” The waitress has returned, and she doesn’t look shabby anymore. She lays out the menus on the table with her delicate, seemingly teenage hands, and puts the first-aid kit on the table in front of Eddie. 

“Thanks so much.” Eddie speaks his thanks the loudest, and the young girl leaves again. Eddie immediately opens the red box and searches for disinfectant and bandages. He finds a bottle of Equate antiseptic and hands it to Richie, continuing his search for cotton gauze and pads, assuming he won’t find plasters as big as he needs in here. 

Richie unscrews the antiseptic and lifts up Eddie’s shirt. Jeez Louise, it’s a bloodbath. Eddie’s started to bleed onto the seat. Y/N sees their desperate situation and hands the box of tissues on the windowsill to Richie. But Richie gives them to Mike, so he can help clean the wound while Richie cleans it with wipes Eddie’s found in the box. 

“You’re losing a shit ton of blood, dude, you feeling okay?” Richie asks Eddie, carefully cleaning the scrape in his side. Eddie winces here and there, and even draws back when it really stings. 

“I’m fine.” Eddie replies in that same non-chalant voice he’s used for the past half hour. “It’s not that much, anyway.” Richie shakes his head at that statement. They’re almost done with cleaning the skin and wound. The blood still flows, though. 

“We’re going to the hospital later.” Richie states in a soft, commanding voice. Eddie doesn’t really pay mind to Richie’s words, having trouble connecting to thoughts about the next five minutes. He’s gathered some bandages from all that he could find in the kit. Then Eddie looks down at his left side and groans.

“Looks like something took a bite out of me.” He states, looking at the obvious strike in his skin and a bit further than that. There’s other layers visible already, a darker red than his skin. Muscle, that is, and he can see some blood vessels too. Oh, dear God, he’s going to faint. The blood flow is not stopping. 

“Be thankful it didn’t.” Richie reminds him. Eddie takes some medical wool and gives it to Richie. He puts it, as softly as he can, directly into the wound after it’s disinfected, to hopefully stop the blood drip for at least a while. Eddie winces, and his face scrunches so much he feels tears squirting out at the corners of his eyes. That is not a nice feeling at all. 

Mike presses his hand on the wool to keep it there while Richie gets bandages from Eddie. He puts the biggest plasters at the top and bottom of the wound, securing the wool, and Mike lets go. Then Eddie adds more wool, puts tissues and bandages over it, and Richie helps him secure it all with gauze. Quite messy, but for the time until they’re in the hospital, this will have to last. Richie cleans up the blood around their make-shift work place and puts Eddie’s shirt back down. They throw the tissues in a trash can under their table—wow, they have that kind of thing here?—and lean against the sofa, both tired, more tired than before.

“No staph infections in our lifetime.” Richie states between yawns. The ones who were there, in the back alley where the two holy words were spoken first, laugh. But Mike and Bev only share looks of confusion. Richie lays a kiss atop of Eddie’s head and embraces him back in his arms. Now they have time to look at what the menu’s offering.

Y/N opens the menu in front of her and Stanley so they can both read it at once. Stanley sighs. “I don’t have my glasses.” He mewls. The words printed on the laminated paper are blurry to him, and he realises his obstacles are either back at the  hotel or lost in the over-flown sewers or the underground lair. He blinks his eyes twice, but he still can’t read anything except for Derry Diner Menu, which are much larger and in bold. 

Y/N tilts her head to rest on his. “Breakfast. Pancakes - ones with caramel, ones with chocolate, ones with bacon and cheese, ones with berries and fruit, ones with ice cream…” She reads out loud. “Country breakfast - ham, eggs, fries, baked beans. Eggs Benedict, Lobster Benedict, Irish Benedict, Eggs Florentine, waffles, steak & eggs.” She sighs. “Anything strike your fancy?”

Stanley shrugs. “Keep reading.” He says, and feels his eyelids and chest heavy. Her voice is so sweet and soothing. Y/N nods.

“Breakfast burrito, mac and cheese, mac and cheese with lobster,” she widens her eyes, “chili, chicken pot pie… turkey, roast beef sandwhiches… sea food, side orders…” she flips through the menu, which requires to move the arm that’s around Stanley. And she finds that his body is limp against hers. She worriedly looks down. 

His breath passes through his slightly parted lips, his eyes are closed and his face is completely relaxed. He’s asleep. Y/N almost laughs into his face, but she turns away and suppresses her giggles. Her friends look at her. “He’s fallen asleep.” She tells them in a whisper, pointing down at Stanley. They nod and most of them smile. No wonder. They feel like doing the same, and they’re actually on the verge, if they weren’t concentrating on reading the menu and hoping for coffee soon. 

Y/N stops her giggling fit and looks down at the menu again. What do I want, what do I want… “What are you guys gonna order?” She asks her friends. 

“Probably pancakes.” Comes from Bev, who’s decided for both her and Ben.

“Us too.” Mike informs. “Bacon?” He asks.

“Berries.” Ben responds. 

“We’re gonna get that country breakfast or whatever.” Richie says. “To get proper fat, you know, grow into Eddie’s mom.” He explains further and everyone giggles, even Eddie himself. 

Y/N hums. “I’ve got no idea. I want everything, but it just won’t fit.” She states and Bill chuckles. “I know what to order for Stanley, but myself…”

“Take the same and stop working your brain.” Mike suggests. Y/N looks at him.

“It’s worked enough for the past hours.” Bill supports his argument. Her eyes shift to Bill, and then she looks down at the menu again, a smile on her face now. 

“I guess it’s just that easy now.” She admits and closes the menu, putting it on the table instead. Making decisions really is that easy now. She leans back into the seat, Stanley’s body moving with hers. He gets more comfortable while sleeping, his face nuzzling into her neck, tickling her a bit, and his arms going around her, securing themselves together at her waist. Y/N smiles and hugs him back, resting her cheek on his curls. She closes her eyes. 

“What will you have?” Bill asks her and she opens an eye to look at him, her own eyelids feeling sort of heavy now. “Before you join him.” He whispers, smiling. She smiles back.

“Love you, Bill.” She tells him sincerely. “Eggs Benedict for us both.” She says and Bill nods. “And coffee, too. Both black, but two sugars in Stanley’s.” She’s surprised herself that she still knows how he likes his coffee, or which breakfast option he’d always choose. It’s like it’s basic knowledge now, something that’s imprinted in her mind and feels like it’s been that way since she can remember. She closes her eyes again and lets her exhaustion take over. She wants to rest, just for a little bit, just lay with Stanley for a while.

She did join him in sleeping for a while. Bill wakes her up when the food and coffees have arrive, starting to tickle her, Ben doing the same to Stanley. The two adults jolt awake, eyes wide and confused, and make their friends laugh. 

“Morning, sleepyheads.” Richie nods to them with a smile. Stanley nods right back and Y/N and he both right themselves, sitting up straight. Y/N moves her hair behind her ear and Stanley flattens his shirt. They look down at the fresh food in front of them, though their vision and look on their environement is still hazy from the good-as-hell nap they just woke up from. 

“Bone, apple, tit, was it?” Richie suggests as a toast for the Losers’ diner breakfast. Everyone laughs once more, but they clink their coffee cups together, repeating Richie’s ridiculous words and they laugh again, harder this time. Languages have never been Richie’s strongest side. 

They all drink coffee in unison and regain some amount energy at that, then delve into their steaming breakfast which fill their noses up to the maximum with utterly irresistible aromas. Richie, like the beast he is, devours half of his plate in the first few minutes while everyone else devours their food bit by bit. But everyone is so endorsed in eating that they don’t pay mind to their friends, for the time they’re eating they even forget they’re with their friends, lest someone else entirely. Food is very good right now. Heavenly, if you might.

When they’re done, they all slump into their seats, letting out groans of content and holding their bellies. “For a diner, that was really good.” Bill says. Y/N laughs. Bill, Eddie, Stanley, Ben—cross that, all of them, except herself and Mike, have grown used to dining at fancy restaurants where it costs to even reserve a table, grown used to making great mega-dishes at home for themselves. They’ve grown used to business events with crazy dinners and a wide range of appetisers. Champagne, wine, whiskey of the highest classes. So this is entirely out of their usual menu, and Bill is, of course, taking it like a snob. Hence Y/N laughed. 

She and Mike have not lived the life their friends have. Not that it’s bad lives they’ve been living upto this point, just different, way different from most of the Losers Club. Y/N hasn’t become a famous writer, architect or fashion designer, neither has Mike. So for one, their daily routine differs, and two, their eating habits differ from their friends’. Diner food may be the lowest of them all, considered so by the highest class of society, but Y/N can safely admit that she likes diner food and doesn’t mind having it once in a while. And what can Mike have in this shithole town, anyway, other than make-believe restaurant meals, takeout and diners? Neither of them mind eating here now or any other time. 

“I want more.” Y/N manages to croak out, and everyone laughs. “Anyone up for a sundae split?”

“Ugh, we’re really gonna get fat.” Eddie sighs. 

“Haystack’s gonna have a come-back!” Richie announces and changes his face into an excited expression. But he still makes his friends laugh, including Ben himself. His laughter rumbles deep and low like a bear’s roar.

“I’ll have a sundae split with you, Y/N/N.” Beverly says, then. Y/N smiles at her. 

“Anyone up for a Diet Coke and salad?” Mike asks now, and they all laugh again. Richie joins the girls for a sundae split, and the rest agree with Mike’s offer. 

“Wait, wasn’t Y/N working in a diner for a while? In, like, high school?” Eddie asks now, as they wait for the waitress, and he looks at Y/N. She looks at him, tired and full from the eggs, but nods. 

“I was.” She confirms. “Not this one, though, the one in the center of town.” She leans towards the table to sit proper and rests her elbows on the surface. She crosses her arms and puts her chin on top of them. “After Bowers and Cockstetter were… out of the picture, I had the freedom to work in the skirt the diner required me to.” She recalls. Those boys were always onto her and Beverly, while they were still alive, which made it hard for them to ever wear something remotely feminine. They always got some sort of cat-calls, and groping was the worst of what would come from them. “Jesus…” 

“What scumbags they were.” Beverly joins in, also leaning against the table. She moves her hair out of her face, and looks to Y/N, but Ben’s worried gaze catches her eye instead. She turns to him. He only reaches for her hand with his own. I’m here now. 

“You working in a diner was the best thing, Y/N.” Richie says, putting emphasis on ‘best’. She looks at him now and smiles, remembering how stoked they all were for free food and the food that she actually made. Mostly deserts. Stanley’s arm makes its way around her waist. She leans closer to him. “I mean, the birthday parties there were amazing. Nothing could top them.”

“Wow, Rich, even college and work parties?” Mike asks, and they both chuckle.

“You bet your fur, Mikey,” Richie says, patting his friend’s shoulder. He looks reminiscent for a second, his head hangs down, and then he tries to put it into words, “you know, I think—I think because childhood, and teenage years, were the best part of my life. I mean, I’m forty now, so I’m old enough to say shit like that, you know, but… It’s true. I know that I thought it then and I know it now—those were the best parties of my life.” He admits and looks around at his friends. “Because—because I was still young, and because it was the best childhood, I think, any kid could wish for. Even counting in all the shame, the fear, and IT. And because I was with you guys.” 

A silence falls upon the Losers Club. But they smile at Richie, and at each other, realising that’s true. Those were the best years of their lives, and actually, taking the horrible parts, the best childhood any child could wish for. The best friends anyone could wish for to spend that childhood and those confusing, difficult teenage years with. Without each other, they wouldn’t be the same, and they wouldn’t be as strong and as full of love and, perhaps, belief. 

“You know…” Stanley starts to say, they look at him, “nothing lasts forever.” He states, shaking his head with a dreamy look in his eyes. Nothing does seem to last forever, that is true. But he has a feeling of differing in opinion with his own statement. Nothing lasts forever—the monster they thought had lived under Derry forever, eaten its kids and other residents, cast a spell on the adults and the whole air of Derry, is now dead. So that doesn’t last forever. The promise they made—it is fulfilled now, meaning it won’t last forever, either. It lasted as long as needed to unite them all again. But this… what they have…

“Except for friendship.” Y/N says, looking at him. “And love.” Yes, friendship and love. Those will last forever. The love they have for each other will outlive all their future deaths, all their future kids’ deaths, and their kids’ deaths. This love, and this bond, it will last forever. It will always be somewhere in the predicted long life of the Earth and humanity. It will fly with the wind, blossom in flowers and rosy cheeks, it will swim with the ocean and breathe with the air. Always.

“And love.” Eddie says it with Y/N in unison. They smile at each other. Love. What a wonderful thing. It might as well be a living creature, like fear was. Only much stronger.

“Desire.” Ben suggests. Beverly closes her eyes and leans her head on his shoulder. I know, Ben. But we’re here now. All the desire pent up in teenage and adult years seems much lighter now. For Beverly, Ben and for Richie and Eddie, too. And for Stanley and Y/N. All their desire towards each other has finally been released, even if the door to it is only open in a narrow slit now. Desire might as well live in all eight of them, desire for each other, desire to meet each other again, desire to have that unbreakable friendship again. Desire for that lived in their hearts all these empty years, it was unknown and mysterious, a feeling they could not guess. Now it’s known, and out in the open, nothing to hide from each other. Or anyone else, for that matter. They’re proud.

The Losers Club fall silent, but comfortably so. They’re finally in a comfortable state with themselves and each other, and with the world around them. Strange, vile and ignorant as it may be, the world is truly amazing, though, and much bigger than they all thought. Brought them together that one summer, made a bond that will last forever. They’ve got a lot to thank it for. But they’ve also got every reason to kick the world in the butt and other places. 

For now, they’ll let it slide. For now, they’re only focused on being in the diner, getting desert and then showering. Most importantly, for now, they’ve got each other, safe and healthy, and that’s all they need. That will do. 

“Anything else you’d like to order?”

Permanent tag-list:  @gabiatthedisco​​​​​​​ @v0idbella​​ ​​​​​@inlovewithmiddleagedcelebs​​​​​​​ @works-of-fanfiction​​​​​​​ @destiel-stucky4ever-loki-queen​​​​​​​ @stfxlou​​​​​​​ @ur-gunna-h8-ths​​​​​​​ @betweenloveandfire​​​​​​​ @but-legendsneverdie​​​​​​​ @deardeacy​​​​​​​ @thewinchesterchronicles​​​​​​​ @mavieesttriste16​​​​​​​​​​ @langdonzvoid​​​​​​​ @intrrverted​​​​​​​ @the-freak-cassie-131​​​​​​​ @eddie-spaghetti-boi​​​​​​ @anxiousanakin​ @terratori812 @urban-dreams​​​​​​​

Stanley Uris tag-list: @nightbu-g​​​​​​​ @sadhwstudent​​​​​​​ @shawni-h​​​​​​​ @gothackedalready​​​​​​​ @seasidecrowbar​​​​​​​ @starred-river @raspberryacid​​​​​​​ @facelessbish @tozierskaspb​​​​​​​ @plum-duels​​​​​​​ @whereyoustand​​ ​​​​​@kimseungminsgf​​​​​​ @stanstan-the-manman​​

Heaven tag-list: @lovvliies​​​​​ @kaspbrak-uris​​​​​ @happy-at-home​​​​​​ @jars-of–jupiter @violetzendaya @veronicapuff​​​

Let me know if you want to be tagged!

[burnedbyshoto]

anon: The artist @franeridart answers all of their asks in one mass post with a read more link so maybe you could try that as well. That way you could answer everyones ask but not spam anyones dash with all of your replys

you genius anon, and you genius artist! I just feel like as of late I have been getting a lot more things in my askbox, and I dont want to overwhelm anyone with spam. so, I will be creating these! unless it’s for y’all thirsty hoes asking for extra parts or whatever from very recent posts, expect this to happen every so often! the rest will be below cut. also first time using photoshop? how’d I do yall??? and also like.... let me know if you like this idea??? if not i’ll just resort to spam :)

@your-parental-figure : IK BUT DETECTIVE GUY CONSIDERED BOTH TOKOYAMI AND KIRI TO BE ALL MIGJTS SUCCESSOR DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THAT MENT??? THAT MOMENT WATERED MY CROPS, CLEARED MY SKIN AND SOLVED WORLD HUNGER

oh season four episode one, you may have been a filler, but you made me so happy to watch. honestly ngl, I was pretty surprised when he said kiri, not because he has no potential, but because it seemed like the top 4 from the sports festival, bUT FUCK YEAH KIRI AND TOKOYAMI!!!!! IN A DIFFERENT WORLD IT COULDVE BEEN THEM!!!!!

anon: Makeup smut for villain Deku should be good. 100% tender, no chicken

honestly, my favorite thing at this point is seeing you all crumble in fear if i’ll even give you a happy ending, and tbh idk if it will be for villain!deku >:)

@ohmycolie: So it’s Saturday night and I’m just sitting at home 🤦🏼‍♀️ could you maybe do a scenario where Bakubaby and Kiri decide to bring Kami into their sexcapades and after their little adventure Kiri is like “can we keep him?” 🤤💕

hi bby, while I can imagine something of this sort I am only a “x reader” blog :( so while its good thirst, I won’t be writing anything about it, sorry :( ily tho!

@michealsheep: Honestly is shiggy ended me after an intense nut like that I’d just thank him

honestly, I want shiggy just to end me??? whatta way to go. death by fucking nut.

bigdickkiri: I don’t get ship wars. Why do people wanna be so mean? It’s so easy to not be a part of any a that.if everyone appropriately tagged their posts, blacklisted rags they don’t like and didn’t act bitchy then they wouldn’t be an issue. - bigdickkiri

neither do I honestly. they’re just people looking for drama at this point, and it’s like... come on... you’re 25... stop

bigdickkiri: What a fantastic evening to tell my favourite writers that I adore them and that they're amazing! Look after yourself and have a gorgeous day! ❤️💙❤️💙 - bigdickkiri

I’m literally the worst. but um, I adore you so much, and I think you’re amazing!!!!! its 2am rn, but I can’t sleep anyways

🍒💥anon: Girl, your blog is having a glo up!!! I love it!! So pretty 👌 How are you doing today? Are you taking care of yourself? *sending good vibes and virtual hugs your way* -🍒💥

teehee, thank you for noticing!!!!!! i’m not 100% happy with it rn, but I haven’t had the time to get it perfect!!! wait a few more weeks and when I have actual down time, im fixing it >:) also, I am doing well, a lot of caretaking today! I never take care of myseld! *accepts the good vibes and virtual hugs because I am touch starved*

anon: I'm part of the protect uraraka squad!!! ♡

me too boo! you wanna fight me on my mochi loving girl meet me on the corner of my fists and in your faCE!!!!! (is this considered cyberbullying?)

anon: WTF @ THAT ANGST I M SAD NOW

this was in regard to my fic “because of you” which I posted because I was in a crying mood. HAHAHAHAHA YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO FEEL SAD I WINNNNNNNN

@joyfullydawn: I just wanted to say you're heccin' amazing??? The fact you named that roommate one "And they were roommates" I just--yes. This is more than ok. This is excellent. Please keep being awesome aaaa

and they were roommates was the first series I had, and the thing I did in celebration for 100 followers.... jesus that feels so long ago and not in fact less than two months ago!!!!!!!!!!! maybe I should reblog my old works so you newer lovely followers can read them!!!!!

anon: would u ever do a part 2 to under the mistletoe with aizawa? its so sad and i just want them to be HAPPY

I am planning on doing it!!!!! it’s in my requests, so no worriesssss ;)

hermana anon: hermana that todo angst 🥺🥺you’re literally the best angst writer jdjdbd

okay but for real do I write actually good angst??? asking for a friend..... and HGAIGHJIAORGHUOG THAKN YOU FOR THAT COMPLIMENT!!!! PLEASE RECOMMEND ME ANGST FICS BECAUSE I LOVE CRYINGGGG

🍒✨ anon: this has literally nothing to do with anything that’s on your account right now but do you think that dabi sends shoto happy birthday messages? i like to think he does because even if he’s a villain, he still lowkey care about his siblings - 🍒✨

this was from a very long ass time ago, and im sorry I never responded to you sparkle cherry anon, but I definitely do believe that he sends birthday cards. with his baby bro’s increase in his fangirl club, he now is unafraid to send shouto a card. its always the only one that catches shouto’s attention when he goes through them because they’re weirdly personal. shouto, being a smart yet dense idiot, believes its someone in the class pranking him.

~ I won’t be posting these messages, but they were from awhile ago when I was hitting a rough patch with my insecurity as a writer and my ability to give my all to you. there are many of you, 19 messages in total, where you told me why you loved my writing. I never responded to them because they make me cry even now looking back at them. to each and every anon, I thank you for saying those kind words. to @saladsharkz, @thecryingsombra, @olivenight17, @shutupwylow, @expressyourstarstruckrebel, and @awkward-theaterkid thank you as well. there is another non anon, but they asked not to be revealed. thank you so sososo much.

~ I will not be posting these as well, because again, drama from awhile ago. but this was in regard to the anon who did not like the kinklist I had created for kinktober. while now I think I am doing a pretty damn good job, and no one has said otherwise, to the 2 anons, @connors-my-boy, and bigdickkiri, thank you for fighting an anon that was never your responsibility to take <3

@w0w-s0-3dgy: u make me uwu so much🥺❤️ I LOVE YOUR PAGE BABE I HOPE YOU’RE DOING WELL!

BBY I LOVE YOU AND I AM DOING WELL NOW!!!!! THANK YOU FOR LOVING MY PAGE LITERALLY WHERE WOULD I BE WITHOUT YOU?!?!??!!

anon: You followed me and idk if it was just to be nice or if you want to be friends or what hdhakanskenebdhsiq

im starting to follow back people that make me happy. it’s been awhile since ive been on a followspree, but I follow you back when i see kind messages from you, when I see that you’ve liked so many of my horrible posts, when you reblog my things with the most amazing tags. I follow you because I want to be your friend, you’re always welcomed to be my friend!!! hell you can literally be like “bitch listen to this” and never once having spoken to me I will respond with “give me the fucking chisme my queen”

anon: *gives u an encouraging and comforting yeehaw*

now.... now I can conquer the world, thank you

anon: Hi! I love the way you're writing things for kinktober, and I'd personally love if you could reblog what you're writing multiple times because I'm at uni most of the day so I miss out on a lot. Pd. I absolutely adore your writing! Please keep up ❤

I AM TRYING TO REBLOG MY STORIES NOW BUT OMGNGSOUHFIPA YOU LIKE HOW I WRITE?!?!?!??!?!?!

heathers anon: Its the anon who sent the Dabi heather au. I send it because i know your popular and a lot of popular blogs check your blogs. And I honestly struggle with other blogs because they ignored most of my asks.

teehee, I appreciate you thinking im a popular blog and that other popular blogs check mine, but thats not true!!! sorry for never responding back, but i’m sure they’re not meaning to ignore you on purpose. there’s just so much happening things get buried!

@sinnaminsvga : we're both alyssa so it's really interesting to see the nicknames u use bc i see you use lyssa and i got the nickname ari and i think that's pretty neat how we both have the same name but wildly different nicknames

it don’t matter, we be alyssa twinsies!!!!!!!!!!

anon: I was just going through your master list, cause I’m in a stunning mood and why not make a good mood better? and I saw bakugous “sickness and that word I can’t spell” got hella happy for a sec CAUSE YES THAT WAS SO ADORABLE AND I LOVED IT. Then I remembered the heart shattering angst that came with Todos side. So like. Ily but you a meanie.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHA WE LOVE SUFFERING!!!!!! I just... really have a thing for angst it seems... don’t tell my followers though, im in denial over it...

[geniuscloud]

NCT Dream Reaction - Crying In Front of Them

@selca-ships “Hey could you make a nct imagine of them reacting to you crying in front of them? Thanks! ❤️” *Later requested NCT Dream*

This is my first time ever making a reactions post, so sorry if it sucks!

I apologize for spelling mistakes, I ain’t got time to edit. Also if I edit my post the gifs go away so :-/

((ALSO IF I MESSED UP THE GIFS FOR THE MEMBERS I APOLOGIZE. MY GIFS AREN’T WORKING SO IT’S ALL BLANK, I’M CLICKING ON A RANDOM GIF RN.))

Mark

You had just gotten off of Skype with your parents, your boyfriend Mark was by your side. The one thing you had wanted was for him to meet your parents, and get their approval. More or less to show off what a wonderful guy you had met. You moved to Korea on a whim, without your parents, hoping to work for a large entertainment company after becoming obsessed with the way the entertainment industry worked in Korea; even if that meant just being a staff member. 

“Your parents are so nice” Mark smiled, tucking the laptop to the side before returning to face you. His eyes were instantly met with your glossy ones, tears starting to spill from it’s ducts. Without saying a word, his smile faded, and he planted a kiss on the top of your head before pulling you into his side with a big hug. This was the first time he’d ever seen you truly cry, and it was unfortunately a feeling he knew all too well. Being a foreigner, all alone, and not even having the safety of friends or family around. He knew how lonely you must be feeling without your family.

“It’s okay baby, i’m here when you need me. Cry all you need to, i’m not leaving…”

_________________

Renjun 

You were sitting on the floor of his dorm room, as he attempted to clean up a little. Sharing a room with a bunch of guys often meant it was messy, and usually you’d offer to help. Though after the 3rd time of you ending up cleaning up for him, and decided to just sit on his bed and read. It was probably your favourite book, but the ending always made you tear up a little because you got attached to the male lead character.

“Oh my gosh, this plate must have been here since our debut! It’s moldy and stinks. No wonder why we couldn’t find out where that smell was coming from…” Renjun exclaimed, holding a plate with what may have once been food,  from under one of the other members bed. He looked over to you, to see you in tears. The book face down on his bed.

“Is the smell REALLY that bad that you’re crying?”

“No you dork, my favourite character just died…” you sniffled, whipping your tears away.

“Aw, i’m sorry. Will a cuddle help?” he asked, walking towards you.

“Once you throw that nasty thing away, and sanitize your hands,” you giggled through a couple more tears.

“As you wish…”

___________

Jeno 

Movie nights with Jeno were one of your favourite things. The two of you cuddled up together with popcorn and a package of chocolate chips which were also sprinkled around the bowl. It was his turn to pick the movie, but he suggested you picked it together in celebration of your 6 months anniversary. You settled on a film called ‘The Boy in the Stripped Pyjamas’ which neither of you have watched. The reviews were really good, it seemed interesting with the theme being around the war. 

Little did you know, it was the most heartbreaking movie you’ve seen in a very long time. Most of the movie you were trying to hold back tears; but halfway through the movie, you tucked your face into his shirt and small sniffling started to escape your mouth. 

“Are you okay?” he asked, patting the top of your head.

“No…” you whispered, gripping his shirt a little; your face still buried in his chest.

“You’re so cute when you’re cuddled like this, but don’t be sad. It hurts my heart for you to cry like this.”

______________

Haechan

“Can I see your hair?” Haechan asked as you pulled the hoodie tighter to your head.

“No! I look awful! It’s so short and my mom did such a bad job!”

“There is no way it could be that bad, just take off the hood.”

“Please don’t make fun of me…” you whispered, removing the hood. Your hair which once touched the middle of your back, now sat just above your shoulders, “I look like Dora the Explorer.” 

“I thought you said it was bad?” Haechan wiped a tear from your eyes as you stared at the ground. 

“I hate my stupid brother! I can’t believe he got my hair sucked up in the blowdryer!” 

“It’s okay, I think this length looks cute on you. I like short hair anyways. If you want though… I’ll go with you to the hair salon so you can get it styled in a way you like. There is no need to cry angel.”

_____________

Jaemin

(Y’all he looks so good in this gif)

“I’m really glad no one recognized us yet” Jaemin exclaimed as you two walked around the theme park. “I’m so glad we could go on a date in public without being harassed. I really want to ride the ferris wheel with you. I know heights aren’t really fun, but I think it would be romantic for us to be together.”

“U-uh yeah…” you smiled nervously. You were terrified of heights, but since Jaemin seemed to want to go on, you tried to hide your fears. He pulled you into the line and held your hand tight. The wait felt like forever, as people were loaded into the cars one by one. Each group that got loaded in, meant you were closer to getting on and being lifted over 50 feet in the air. Only two more groups stood from you and the front. You gripped his hand tighter as tears started to escape from your tear ducts. 

“H-hey what’s wrong?” he asked looking at you with concern.

“I’m sorry, I just can’t do this. I’m too scared!” you cried.

“It’s okay, you should have just told me! We can go on something else if you’d like. Is the tea cups okay? We can go on that if you prefer?”

____________

Chenle

Ever since you moved to Korea a few years ago, your birthdays were often uneventful. Most of your friends still lived in your hometown, which meant “celebrating with friends” was just a 4 hour Skype conversation. Even though you had your first actual boyfriend, you expected that this year would be no exception. Chenle told you he had a schedule all day, and unfortunately would have to take you out another day. 

“Hey y/n! Happy Birthday!” your best friend cheered into the phone.

“Ah thank you! I wish I could see your face. I miss you so much!”

“I’m sorry, we’ll have to Skype later tonight. I’m out for a bit, but once I get home we can Skype.”

“This is good enough for now. I’m just so glad to hear a friendly voice. I never realized how lonely it can be when you have to celebrate your birthday alone,” you whined as you flopped onto your bed.

“Cheer up! You have Chenle now!” 

“Yeah I know, and I really wish he was here right now. He said he’s busy, so we’re going on a date another day to makeup for it.” That is when you heard a knock on your door. You rolled off your bed and went to answer the door, still not hanging up with your friend.

“He’s a good boyfriend though, from what you’ve told me.”

“I know, he’s fantastic… give me one second, someone is at the door” you sighed. You pulled open the door to see two familiar faces…

 “Happy Birthday y/n!” Chenle cheered, pushing your best friend in front of him. 

“OH MY GOD! YOU’RE HERE!? YOU’RE IN KOREA! DID CHENLE GET YOU HERE?!” You screamed, hugging your best friend. She nodded vigorously. You were crying so much as you clung onto your friend, holding them tighter than ever before. You had to pry yourself from your friend before attaching yourself to Chenle. Tears streamed down your face even harder as he tried to wipe some of them away with his thumb. 

“Thank you Chenle so much, this is the best present ever! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!”

“Anything for you… I know how lonely you were without your friends, so I thought i’d help bring one of them to you to make you happy.”

____________

Jisung

You were hunched over your desk with dozens of papers scattered everywhere, and your text book wide open. You had so many final exams coming up, and were up to your eyeballs in homework. On top of that, you had vocal and dance classes to attend, since you were still a trainee. Things were just starting to get too much, too quickly, and you didn’t know how to cope with the stress. 

“Hey y/n, are you ready for our anniversary date?” Jisung asked, sneaking up behind you.

“That was today?!” you gasped, turning your head to face him.

“Yeah, did you forget?”

“I’m so so so sorry! I’ve been so busy, and I need to study, and I just have so much to do! It just escaped my mind, because of all of my things are due so quickly and I just can’t handle it!”

“If tonight it’s good, we can just reschedule I guess…”

“Please don’t be disappointed! I’m so sorry, I just-I can’t handle this anymore! I’m so stressed out, and I don’t know what to do!” you cried. Jisung was shocked to see you cry, but saw how hurt you were, and gave you a big hug.

“Don’t cry sweetie, i’ll order some food for us while you study, and maybe I can help you out? Then when you’re done, I’ll give you all the hugs you need.”

_______________

(BONUS) Lucas 

He wants to be in NCT Dream, so why the hell not.

(He’s so hot, i’m gonna bust a nut. I love those glasses on him. He’s not even my bias)

It was his first stage debut with NCT U; performing BOSS live on TV. You knew how hard he had been working, and how long he had been waiting for this day. You couldn’t help but be so proud of him, as he prepared for the stage. You stood off to the side, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek and cheered for him, before he walked into the stage. 

Maybe it was the way he looked in his outfit, the way his voice growled when he rapped his lines, or just the overjoyed expression on his face. He was happy, and was doing something he prepared so long for. The overwhelming emotions started to pour out of you as did the tears. You were sobbing happy tears for him. Seeing your boyfriend finally getting to debut made you cry like you’ve never cried before.

When he got off the stage, he quickly ran to you and picked you up in a big swinging hug. When he set you back down and looked into your eyes, he saw them glossed over with tears.

“Baby, why are you crying?” he asked.

“I’m so proud of you! I love seeing you like this, and I’m just so happy for you! Can I not be proud of my boyfriend?!”

“Don’t cry, you’ll make me want to cry. I like it when you give me kisses, not tears, so do that instead please,” he admitted, puckering his lips out a bit.

“You’re lucky I love you…”

[parkerrogersgirl]

Tempting Fate- Chapter 22

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x Reader

Word Count: 1,654

Warnings: uhhh just fluff i think idk 

A/N: Hey, y’all! @sonofadeanwinchester and I decided it’d be cool if we wrote a series together. SO, HERE’S CHAPTER 22! also i have no idea how i pulled this off but this chapter definitely sucks but oh well

You wake up the next morning with sunlight streaming in. Sebastian is wrapped around you, his head on your chest. You try to wriggle out from his grasp but he groans, pulling you closer to him.

“Good morning, wife,” he says, kissing your nose.

You giggle, “good morning, husband.”

He sits up, stretching, “shall we order room service for breakfast, darling?”

“I could eat. And I also really want to take a bath in that giant tub. So you order, and I’ll get the tub ready.” You kiss him softly and go into the bathroom, starting the water. When it’s halfway full, you pour in the bubble bath. You stand up and feel someone watching you. You turn and see Sebastian leaning on the doorway, smirking at you.

“What are you looking at?”

“Just the most perfect ass on the planet,” he grins at you, “oh and uh, by the way, we’re all over the internet.”

“WAIT WHAT?!” You yell, staring at him. You start running back to the bedroom to grab your phone, but he stops you.

“Darling, we can look at it after our bath. RIght now, we need to relax.” He takes off his boxers and you remove his shirt that you’re wearing, clipping up your hair. He gets in the bath and you lay down on top of him.

You sigh, closing your eyes.

“What’s on your mind, (Y/N)?” He asks, tracing circles on your arm.

“This is just the happiest I’ve been in a while.” You take his hand, kissing it.

You feel him smile against your hair, kissing the top of your head. “Me too, baby. I told you years ago, I always knew we belonged together.”

You giggle, leaning back on him all the way. After a while, the tub starts getting cold and you and Sebastian get out. Breakfast had been delivered a few minutes earlier, so you just put on robes and eat.

After breakfast, you get dressed and packed, remembering that you’re flying out today. You look over at Seb, “what time’s your flight, baby?”

“We’re on the same flight. Sitting next to each other, actually. In First Class,” he says with a wink.

“And how did you manage that?”

“I just bought a ticket and paid an absurd amount of money to be able to sit next to my wife, but I figured it out.”

You grin, moving over to look over his shoulder at his phone, “show me the articles and stuff, baby.”

He Googles your names and at least ten articles come up regarding your wedding. Most of them are referencing the Instagram photo he posted and the BuzzFeed interview, but everything is positive.

You kiss his neck and he smiles at you, “see? I told you everything would be fine.”

There’s a knock on the door and it opens, and it’s Jeff and his son. His son is wearing a Winter Soldier shirt and you grin at him. He’s staring at Sebastian, completely and utterly starstruck. Sebastian starts talking to him and you take a picture of them, making a mental note to post it later. Sebastian hugs him, and you can tell that it’s the highlight of his year. Jeff thanks you and helps you carry your bags downstairs.

The park hasn’t opened yet, so it’s still quiet, but there is a huge line. Jeff sneaks you out the back way to avoid everyone and you call an Uber. Sebastian hugs Jeff’s son again and they leave, and you get in the car. You stop by your parents’ house and pick up the rest of your stuff, and your parents decide to drive you to the airport.

You arrive at the airport and security helps you get through without being recognized. They give you a seat near the jetway, away from prying eyes.

You sit facing Sebastian with your legs across his waist, and he’s wearing his sunglasses and a cap. He’s running his fingers through your hair, and you have your head on his shoulder. When they announce boarding, they let you on the plane and you let Sebastian take the window so he can hide.

“I’ve only flown first class that one time,” you say with a smile.

He kisses you softly, “well, you’ll be doing it for the rest of your life, baby.”

You blush and the stewardess takes your drink orders, and you lean on Seb.

“I could get used to this.”

After the very, very long flight, you walk out of the airport with a grinning Sebastian, and you notice a limo outside, surrounded by reporters. He had you put on sunglasses as well, just so you wouldn’t be too exposed. He opens the door of the limo for you and you get in, and he waves to the paparazzi and slides in next to you. He kisses you softly and the driver heads out from the airport.

“Seb, do you always leave the airport in a limo?”

He grins, shaking his head, “never. I just wanted to do it for you.”

You blush and look at him, “so where are we going?”

“Well, all of your stuff has been moved into my place, er, our place, so I figured we’d just go there?”

You shrug, scooting closer to him. He wraps his arm around your shoulder, kissing your neck.

“Hey, what’s on your mind?” He asks, concern in his voice.

“Well… do you think we’re maybe moving too fast?”

He turns to you, giving you his “hurt puppy” look, “baby, We’ve known each other since we were 8. I think we’re just catching up for lost time. But if you want to slow down, we can.”

You shake your head, “no, I like your explanation. That makes perfect sense.” You kiss him softly again and the car stops.

“We’ve arrived, Mr. Stan,” the driver says. He gets out and helps you and Seb get your bags out of the trunk. You turn and face the building, and your eyes go wide. You’re standing in front of a huge, modern-looking white house. You could probably fit at least two floors of your apartment building in the house.

“Sebby… I thought you lived in an apartment?”

“I never said that, darling. Come on, I want to show you our home.” You blush and he takes your hand, leading you up the steps. He sets down your luggage, picking you up bridal style and carrying you through the door. He sets you down, kissing you softly. 

“I had to carry my wife over the threshold,” he says before bringing your luggage inside. He wraps an arm around you, showing you around the house. You’re still in shock at how huge the house is, and Seb gives you a reassuring squeeze when he feels you start to get anxious.

He shows you the pool, which he admits to rarely using. He shows you the kitchen, which he hopes to get more use out of, and he saves the bedroom for last. Your entire apartment could fit just in this one room, and you were overwhelmed. Seb holds you to him, kissing the top of your head.

“Baby, talk to me. I can’t help if you don’t talk to me. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong, I’m so happy. This is just a lot to take in.”

He sits on the bed with you, pulling you onto his lap, “it’ll be fine, baby. Just take a few days to relax. I’ll be right here with you.” “What happens if you have to leave to go film or something?” You frown at him. “That won’t be for quite a while, darling. All I have now is press tours, and I can take you with me to those.” Your eyes widen, and you stare at him, “you want me to go with you?”

“Of course I do. I want to show off my incredible wife.”

You blush, kissing him softly, and he spins you quickly so your back is on the bed, and he’s laying on top of you.

“For today, though, I want to christen every room in this house.”

----

You and Sebastian were laying out on the grass in your backyard under the stars. He was leaving for New York in about two weeks, and you were trying to act as though everything would be fine. Tonight, he wanted to talk about your future.

“So. We’ll take turns visiting each other. We’ll try to see each other at least once a month. We’ll spend every summer together. We’ll be fine.”

“Seb, what if we’re not fine?” You asked, looking over at him.

He took your hand and kissed it, “we will be. We’ll get married after we graduate, we’ll have a kid, I’ll be a big movie star, and it’ll be perfect.”

“But what if you get too famous and you forget about me?” He sat up, pulling you up with him. He took your hands, looking into your eyes, “I love you more than anything else in the world. There’s not a chance I’ll forget about you. You can’t forget someone who changed your life.”

You giggled and he gently pushed you down, laying on top of you. He reached in his pocket, still maintaining eye contact. “Baby, I wanted to save these until the day I left, but I think now is as good of a time as any.” He slipped a ring on your left ring finger, and you looked up at him. It had half of a gold heart on it, and it said “real love.” He put on one that’s almost identical, except his had a black heart.

“What are these for, Sebby?” He moves so his face is an inch away from yours, and your hazel eyes meet his deep blue ones.

“They’re promise rings. It’s a sign that we’ll always be together. I promise I will never forget you, because we belong together.”

MY Tag List (let me know if you’d like to be added!):

@sis-tafics @my-emotional-self @thankyouforanonymity@gatorgal94 @supernaturaldean67 @lostinthoughtsandfeelings@summer-winchester @thevampywitch @princess76179 @sebbies@white-chocolate-mocha-fan @jcc04220 @lostess-souless @samanddeanmyguardianhunters  @ilovethefandomwho @dancer2001 @a-tale-of-two-comics @moondustparker@yleryoseeph @magellan-88 @healojane  @sarahp879 @mizz-kraziii@lostinspace33 @silver-starburst @lilmissperfectlyimperfect@guera31 @destielinamoose  @808shelbsters @demonkitkat @hoe4sebstan @izzy206-2001@esther-alves-world  @tinyfistwarrior@mrs-meghan-winchester  

@sonofadeanwinchester ‘s Tag List:

@shellymaesworld  @titty-teetee  @pawallday @221bshrlocked@chameerah   @buckylicious  @nerdywitch  @sarahp879  @i-should-probably-be-asleep-rn  @ssweet-empowerment  @jhangelface0523@parkerrpeterr  @bxxbxy  @winter-cearig

[sunveiins-archive]

so ya girl just got photoshop back and spent half an hour making this!! i’m hype yall! also i did this instead of homework and im not even mad.

so i’ve had this blog for a really long time but i just recently felt actually good and comfortable writing on here and i’ve been able to interact with so many amazing people?? i’m honestly blessed?? i wanted to make a not-so little post about how much i appreciate everyone on this stupid site so thank you so much!! 

literal babes!! y’all are such lovelies 

@badlandswrites | um hi wow jas you literally keep me sane sometimes i love you and our bbies so much? eddie & sawyer please fuck me up? therapist!winston and arden are so funny?? i can’t wait to do more with you darling!! you are such a ray of sunshine and i think you forget that sometimes so please just know that i’m always here for you and you’re the best! i love you. 💛

@spacequeenwrites | nancy i’m so so glad that we still talk prp was my life for a hot few years and you were such a big part of it. you and your characters are so amazing and you are so cool?? what the heck?? anyways i love you i can’t wait to write more with you.

@hurricxnc | WHERE DO I EVEN START?? bella holy shit you are an absolute angel. you are honestly so funny and caring so thank you for brightening my day?? zoey & wyatt make me cry a lot and most of our conversations are us screaming about them and tbh i wouldn’t have it any other way.

@callmcmj | let me just start off by saying thank you?? dottie you are such a wonderful person and unapologetically amazing at everything you do. you are so passionate about mj and the well being of others and i just wish there were more people like you because we need that!! you’re awesome as hell and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. i’m shook. 

@emborn / @softlybruiised | KASEY I LOVE YOU SO FREAKING MUCH YOU DON’T EVEN UNDERSTAND!! i was looking at the amount of threads we have rn and wow there are so many i’m honestly sorry but you’re a DOLL. our ships and broships give me a lot of feelings and i’m so excited to see where everything goes. you are talented and lovely and yes wow i love everything. 

@speedxandxnetflix | kayla the amount of appreciation and love i have for you is overwhelming!! you write such an awesome barry and all of our plots never cease to amaze me?? barry and robyn are my absolute bbies and so are you!!

@corriewrites | CORRIE!!! okay we’ve only been writing together for like a short amount of time but these kids are gonna be the fucking end of me i’m so excited. you are such a darling and yes it’s gonna be lit. 

more people that are the best in every way possible thank you for making my existence on this hellhole bearable. (even if we don’t write together too often (or at all) seeing you on my dash makes me happy tbh!) 💛💛💛

@spidcrboy | @fullofhcart | @petiteaile | @silkspidcr | @antagonistics | @sewngore | @missgwendolyne | @formidablesouls | @maraonlaidre | @alexdanvers-rp | @enneads | @souvexirs | @unforgettablc | @commedias | @100lcttcrs | @bellepens | @starletwrites | @allwehaveislcve

[5hfanfiction]

Hard Feelings/Loveless

It’s time to let go of this endless summer afternoon.

* * *

“Black eye to hooking up? Y’all move fast.”

It should be a trademark joke from Dinah, but both Camila and Lauren know her words are choked with anger and disgust. The blonde rolls her eyes and clicks her tongue, still resting her weight against the door. Camila and Lauren have departed by now, but they’re still standing a little too close together. Too close for Dinah’s liking.

“It’s all over Twitter, Lauren!” Dinah sighs, runs a hand through her hair and chuckles. “I mean, really, what was going through your head? Oh, fuck Camila, she’s a bitch, I should punch her!? Out in public? Are you fucking serious?!”

Lauren stutters trying to gather her words, but before she can say anything Camila comes to her rescue. “She didn’t mean to. It was just a fight-or-flight thing-“

“I don’t wanna hear it, especially from you.” Dinah walks over to Camila and observes the girl’s black, bulging bruised eye, completely shut. “Jesus, it’s like Lauren wanted to knock you out straight.”

“It was an accident,” Lauren says finally. “I was just shaken up-“

“I don’t care what your excuse is. This is bad. Like, really bad.” Dinah cups Camila’s chin and tilts it back, looking at her eye more closely. “Management shouldn’t even be the worst of your worries. She could sue you for this. And never mind the fans…probably already having a field day.” 

“You’re not helping,” says Lauren.

 “Not trying to,” says Dinah.

The two girls stand there awkwardly, staring at each other with muted words exchanged through their eyes. Lauren keeps fidgeting with her hands, biting her tongue, while Dinah simply narrows her eyes, communicating nothing but disappointment and anger. Camila knows she should, like, do something, but honestly, how much can she comfort Lauren in this moment? Does Lauren even deserve to be comforted by Camila? Whether it was intentional or not, she still punched the girl…

But shit, Lauren looks like a damn puppy and Dinah’s the high and mighty pissed-off owner and shit, Camila wants nothing more than for the three of them to be on good terms again. 

So, yeah, Camila has to do something. She sighs, blows a piece of hair out of her face, then lights up with an idea.

“We can do a press conference!”

Both Dinah and Lauren give her a look.

“A live-stream. Multiple interviews. Anything to show the public that we’re okay and on good terms-“

“It’ll just seem forced, Mila.” Dinah rolls her eyes.

“Well we can-!…Uh,” Camila thinks. “We can make it seem…not forced?”

Both Dinah and Lauren sigh.

“Just hear me out, okay? If we just tweet out an explanation, people will think management wrote it. If we actually do a livestream or something together, showing that we’re still friends, it won’t seem as fake. As long as we don’t force anything and look uncomfortable, they can’t say anything.”

“Management would never allow it,” Lauren sits on the bed opposite Camila and Dinah. “Our whole career recently has been based on shitting on your name. We aren’t supposed to be friends at all.”

“They’d rather us be friends than admit you actually punched me out of pure hate, though, right?”

Lauren shrugs, looking at the ground. Camila turns to Dinah. “Right?”

“Probably not, Mila. Look, maybe it’s best to just let management handle it…“

Camila chuckles dryly. “Let management handle it? Oh, great, so they can paint me as the villain again?”

“Camila-“

“I just spent the entire fucking past year taking shit for absolutely no good reason, and both of you-“ She pauses, making sure Lauren meets her eyes. “Have admitted that. There’s no way I’m going through more bullshit.”

Camila doesn’t know why she’s getting so mad. She tries to slow her breathing, but that only makes her feel suffocated, like a boiling pot about to pop its lid.

“No one’s going to believe you two are friends whether we put out a letter or an interview-“

“Really?” Camila chuckles, crossing her arms. “So a livestream with me and Lauren reconnecting, me and Lauren becoming friends again, acting like friends again-“ Her voice cracks. “That’s not going to do anything? Seriously?”

Shit. Shit. Shit. Her eyes burn. Her chest burns. Honestly, everything burns. It’s here where she realizes she’s acting like a child, solely because she misses Lauren. Acting like a child because she finally thought she’d gotten Lauren back. But if management ruins everything, as it usually does, Lauren won’t question it. She won’t try to break through to get to Camila.

And that hurts more than anything, so she’s trying here to give Lauren a damn chance-

“Camila,” Dinah says, exhausted. “I don’t know what to tell you.”

Camila raises a brow at Dinah, then turns to Lauren. 

“Well? What do you think, Lauren?”

Lauren keeps her eyes on the ground as she says it, biting her lip beforehand. “I think Dinah’s right. I-“

That’s all Camila stays long enough for to hear. At least, that and ‘Camz! Wait!’ as she’s running down the halls of this stuffy hotel to her stuffy hotel room to crash into her stuffy hotel bed.

She thinks about how Lauren called her Camz.

She thinks about how Lauren only called her that out of guilt.

And she falls asleep, too exhausted for another mental breakdown.

* * *

From: Lauren Jauregui

Hey.

Hello

Camila. Please talk to me.

To: Lauren Jauregui

What is it?

Can we like, meet in person?

I’m pretty busy with rehearsals. Sorry.

If we haven’t started rehearsals yet I know for a fact you didn’t either. Come on.

Maybe I work harder than Fifth Harmony does. God knows I don’t just do as management suggests.

Are you in your room rn?

Why?

So you are

What? No, I’m not. I’m out.

Read at 2:55pm.

Lauren? Seriously, don’t come near here. It’s a bad idea.

Read at 2:56pm.

Lauren

Camila doesn’t manage to send the last message before hearing a knock at her door. 

When an ex-bandmate slash ex-lover comes knocking at your door out of the blue:

1.) Don’t let them in.

2.) Let them in, let them get five words out, then slam the door in their face.

3.) Talk to them through the door.

4.) Let them in then punch them for even having the audacity to come visit you in person? After all they’ve done???

Camila chooses the nonexistent option 5: hear them out. She opens the door and moves to the side to let Lauren walk in, but as she takes in the girl, she sees that she’s holding a phone to cover her face.

“What are you-“

“Say hi, Camila! You’re live.”

Camila blinks.

No words come. She blinks again.

“Y-you’re not a-actually s-serious-“

“No, I’m not,” Lauren lowers her phone, smiling. “Thankfully, unlike Dinah I know how much you hate surprises.” Her smile fades when she sees Camila isn’t smiling, but instead biting her lip in nervousness. Lauren looks down to Camila’s hands and, sure enough, sees that the girl is fumbling with them, interlocking and unlocking fingers, holding them so tight that they turn white. 

“Shit,” She mutters under her breath softly, her brow furrowing in concern. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-“

Camila lowers her head and walks over to the kitchen section of her hotel room, going to the coffee machine even though Lauren swears she’s never seen the girl drink it before. “Whatever,” Camila says under her breath.

“Camila-“

“Let me stop you there, okay?” Camila slams her hands down on the counter. “You’ve clearly come here only because you feel guilty. First you yell at me and tell me I’m this actual demon from Hell, then punch me in the face, then walk me back to your hotel room and tell me you’re the real one to blame and you hug me, and you make it seem like maybe we’ll actually become real friends again and then- and then-“

Camila isn’t crying- not yet. Her chest heaves and her face grows red with exhaustion, with overwhelm. She leans her weight completely on the counter, struggling to catch her breath.

“You’re right.” Lauren sighs in defeat and puts her phone on the counter beside Camila’s hand. “I’m weak, alright? I don’t own up to my feelings; I hide behind hate and anger so no one knows how I really feel. I do exactly as I’m told because I’m terrified of losing my job, of going bankrupt in a few years because no one’s going to hire a burnt out pop-star-“ She sighs again, annoyed at her own rambling. “I always play things safe, and anytime I come close to straying away from that, it somehow always has to do with you. So yeah. This is hard for me. It’s scary, Camila, but…I want to start doing the right thing. I have to put up or shut up, so…” She shrugs, nods at her phone in question.

Camila takes a long look at the girl in front of her. In the back of her head she hears the lyrics to Dua Lipa’s New Rules, telling her not to give Lauren another chance, to not trust her after all the mistakes she’s made.

But Camila, too, has made mistakes. And if choosing to trust Lauren is another one, well…

Maybe she’ll be willing to learn from it. 

Camila nods, trying to seem as neutral as possible. Lauren breaks out into a wide grin, but tones it down as a means to keep her composure. She reaches for her phone, sliding to the Instagram app-

“Oh my god.”

Camila raises a brow. “What? Low battery?”

“Oh my god,” Lauren’s hand shakes. “Oh my god, no, nonononono-“

“Laur-“ Camila walks over to Lauren’s side and looks over her shoulder at the phone. “What’s wrong-?”

Oh my god is right. Nonononono is even more appropriate.

“Please tell me your phone’s just glitching.”

“I thought it was still loading I didntevenclickthefuckingstartbutton-“

“Jesus, Lauren!”

“It said it was still loading it said it wouldn’t go live it said-“

“Well fucking turn it off, dumbass!” Camila snatches the phone away, her thumb hitting the Stop Streaming button with such a fury the screen almost cracks. She stares at the phone for a moment, registering the viewer count of the stream, registering a number so big she’s not sure she can even form the correct pronunciation in her head. She sighs shakily. Tears burn between her lashes. Finally, she throws the phone onto her bed, hard- hard enough for the phone to bounce right off and onto the floor. Camila collapses her weight on the counter, head in hands.

“Camila-“

Camila holds a hand up, her back to Lauren. She swallows hard, trying to piece together a coherent sentence. 

“I know it’s not your fault, Lauren, I just…Jesus, I don’t know how to fix this.”

“You shouldn’t have to,” Lauren slides to the other end of the counter so that she’s facing the girl. “Fix it, I mean. I’m the one who broke things. I should be the one to fix it.”

Camila still has one hand covering her face, fingers rubbing her temple to alleviate the oncoming headache. And god, Lauren feels so guilty yet again. It’s like every time she tries to fix something, tries to piece back together her friendship with Camila, it comes toppling down like a row of dominoes. She keeps ruining everything, hurting Camila whether the intent is there or not. 

And the worst thing about it is that Camila still forgives her. Still lets her in. Still has a world of chances for her despite Lauren not deserving one ounce of it.

If she’s going to fix something, it has to be now. Lauren sighs hard through her nose and goes to pick up her phone by Camila’s bed. With Camila still turned away, Lauren taps away at her phone, until-

“Hey guys, this is Lauren.” And then, “I mean, obviously it’s Lauren like, I am Laur-…um…you know, never mind…”

Camila jumps from the counter so fast she’s stunned with whiplash for a few seconds. Vision blurry, she waves in front of Lauren, careful not to make any sound less the viewers hear. “The fuck are you doing?!” She mouths.

“I’m, uh,” Lauren runs her tongue over her lips, mouth suddenly dry. “I’m trying to make things right,” She says it more to Camila than to the camera. “I’m trying to fix things.” This time her eyes flicker up to Camila, who’s now a mixed bag of you’re fucking crazy and stupid and wow maybe I do love you but- But not like that, Camila reminds herself. She knows very well that Lauren could make everything worse. But then again, how much worse can things get? She sits on the floor by Lauren’s feet, listening to the taller girl give a speech on how stupid she was, how she let the stream start without realizing. How stupid she was to lie about Camila-

Wait. Camila whips her head around, sure she’s heard wrong. But Lauren’s doing it, Lauren is actually telling the truth, talking about the falling out with Camila and how they were close, then not so close, then- then-

“I had feelings for her,” Camila slides up onto the bed. She looks dead at the phone’s camera. “Look, you guys have always had this suspicion since we first got together as a band, and I’m just-…We’re both tired of lying, and maybe we’ll get in trouble or lose our careers or-“ 

Camila’s voice grows shaky, and to her surprise Lauren merely takes hold of her hand, squeezing.

“We just want to stop all the drama and be upfront with you guys,” Lauren takes over. “So this is the tell-all. The absolute truth. We used to have feelings for one another…”

And it is the tell-all, the absolute truth. Lauren talks the most, explaining how the two girls never actually dated but rather had on and off moments, times where Camila had feelings but Lauren didn’t, times where Lauren had feelings but Camila didn’t. Times where the moment just wasn’t right, the odds just weren’t in their favor. Everything.

No sugarcoating.

[tkuhnhackl]

1-70

i can’t tell if i love you or hate you rn but i really don’t want to do anymore work on this placement nonsense so we’ll go with the former, thanks

i’m stupid enough to actually do all these but i will put them under a read more to spare y’all

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents? yeah, i’m really close to both of them. we’re all a little nuts in the family, but in the best way.02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? my mom, when talking to her on the phone on the way back from work today (well, technically i said “love ya, shorty” because my family is not good at sentimentality without a little bit of roasting but close enough, i suppose)03: Do you regret anything? I already answered this!04: Are you insecure? I guess? It’s weird - I’m very comfortable with who I am, that sort of stuff, but things that have happened in the past have made me insecure about aspects of myself - so I suppose my answer is that i’ve become fairly good at disguising my insecurities over time05: What is your relationship status? single af06: How do you want to die? quickly, fairly painlessly, in a blaze of glory - there’s one Brian Jacques novel where the Long Patrol hares mount a final charge to stall the enemy and 8 year old me was absolutely ready to go out wielding a longsword in one hand and a sgian dubh in the other and tbh i’m still lowkey up for it07: What did you last eat? i had tacos for dinner with homemade barbacoa beef (i froze half of it when i made it back in february so i am finally treating myself to the rest of it)08: Played any sports? baseball, softball, basketball, tennis, and soccer/football. i also did field hockey briefly and ran track and field (primarily hurdles) for a year; i wanted to do short track speed skating but my parents were too worried about my safety09: Do you bite your nails? yup, i’ve tried for years to break the habit but every time i get stressed, it happens again10: When was your last physical fight? i’ve never been in a full-on fight; probably high school was the last time that anything even came close to that level and it was still not particularly close11: Do you like someone? already answered this one too!12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? once? usually i end up taking a nap, even if just for an hour, so it rarely ends up being 48 consecutive hours13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? i mean, on an impersonal level, there are famous people i despise. in my own personal life, there are a handful of people that i dislike enough to perhaps call hate but i also don’t believe in wasting my time being angry with them if they’re not even in my life anymore14: Do you miss someone? answered this one as well!15: Have any pets? the loves of my life, my dog Flora and my parents’ dog Liam. also the spider who lives in the corner of my room because sometimes it’s nice to pretend that counts as having company16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? tired, overwhelmed, ready for another vacation, helpless, frustrated, but also hopeful because i’ve got three potential job leads that came up this week (but can’t be followed up on until I return home in Sept)17: Ever made out in the bathroom? nope18: Are you scared of spiders? no, i love spiders as long as they don’t encroach on my personal space19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? as an art history person, absolutely. there are a lot of questions that i had to leave unanswered in my research papers and i’d love to just be able to ask the artists in person (and maybe punch picasso and jackson pollock and tell bierstadt to calm down a bit with the entire congress incident because no one cares about those pictures anymore)20: Where was the last place you snogged someone? a dorm room (idk if it counts as a snog but we’re counting it nonetheless)21: What are your plans for this weekend? finish getting my portfolio done for this placement and hopefully book another trip for next weekend22: Do you want to have kids? How many? i definitely do not want to birth any children, but i’d certainly be open to adopting later in my life should my life lead me in a direction where i feel ready, able, and willing to open my heart and home to a kid. probably only one, definitely no more than 2.23: Do you have piercings? How many? two ear piercings, i used to have my nose pierced but that ripped out in a very painful moment and i’m waiting for it to heal completely before i get it repierced24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? i was a fucking nerd in high school; i think the only subject i struggled a bit in was physics and that’s just because i don’t like theory - in uni, i took classes in a bunch of different departments, but my best ones were art history and anthropology25: Do you miss anyone from your past? answered this as well!26: What are you craving right now? poutine from the Yard, good Knights hockey, a brain that functions in a healthier way, and an end to my writing block27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? i don’t think so? i mean, i feel like it’s highly unlikely28: Have you ever been cheated on? can’t happen if you’re not even in the game 😏29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? see above answer30: What’s irritating you right now? my flatmates, the other work placement who won’t shut up and insists on using the library computer with the cataloging software despite me reserving it, my professors’ general incompetence, international politics31: Does somebody love you? romantically, no, unless the cheesemonger’s really committed to our non-existent relationship. but i’d like to think my close friends and family do (otherwise the love you’s we exchange at the end of conversations are awkward now)32: What is your favourite color? russets and other earth tones33: Do you have trust issues? hahahahahaha yes34: Who/what was your last dream about? i don’t actually remember? i know i woke up disoriented a few nights ago because it was something realistic but idk what i actually dreamed about35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? i cried in front of my mom on skype recently; in person, also probably my mother when she visited a few months ago (moral of the story is that i refuse to cry in front of anyone that’s not family)36: Do you give out second chances too easily? depending on what happened, i really don’t do second chances at all. i’m an expert at putting things in my past and, while i don’t often burn bridges, i’m more than happy to let them fall into ruin on their own 37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? to forgive is easy (depending on what was done), but forgetting is much, much harder38: Is this year the best year of your life? depending on my paper grades and this dissertation and whether or not someone wants to hire me, it could well be, but it sure as hell does not feel like it39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? 1840: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? no way in hell51: Favourite food? beans and rice52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? not really - i do believe that every experience is one that can be learned from and every one has some sort of value, but i believe that the “happens for a reason” idea ascribes more sentience to the universe than i like53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? did my daily duolingo requirements so that the owl didn’t show up in my bedroom and murder me54: Is cheating ever okay? no, i don’t think there can be any sort of justification for betraying someone’s trust55: Are you mean? not particularly, i can be if i need to be but i prefer not to (i prefer to go for the ‘asian mom threatening glare’ that i have inherited from my mother)56: How many people have you fist fought? zero; for all its portrayals on tv and movies, my experience in american public school had absolutely no physical fights57: Do you believe in true love? no, i find that the concept can be so limiting and people feel pressure to find some ideal that may not really exist (i’m not a romantic in any way, shape, or form whoops)58: Favourite weather? spring, when it’s right on the edge of summer, so it’s warm enough that you can wear absolutely anything and still be comfortable, and the birds are nesting and the flowers are blooming, and the world just feels so alive59: Do you like the snow? yes, but my sad frostbitten toes can no longer handle the cold so i must now limit my time in the snow so i don’t lose them completely60: Do you wanna get married? i wouldn’t say i want to get married; if i find someone and we end up getting married, great. if i stay single the rest of my life, also great. it’s one of those things that i don’t feel is a necessity to make my life complete, but i’m not necessarily opposed to it either if it happens. I have so many things on my bucket list for life, but romance has never been on it.61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? i will accept “babe” but will not accept baby unless it’s followed by giraffe. 62: What makes you happy? dogs that wag their tail a little faster when they see you, the way puffins fly and land, the sound and sight of sea birds reuniting with their partners after spending the last year apart, lilies of the valley beginning to peek out as the seasons change, fruits and veg picked straight from my garden, good food, excel spreadsheets, being the only one in a gallery in a museum and getting to be alone with the art, sharks that challenge our perspectives on what sharks are supposed to be and do, my sports teams winning63: Would you change your name? no. for a long time, i did because it’s always getting mispronounced and, when you go to a predominantly white school district, it’s always hard to be the one kid with an obviously non-white name. but also my last name means ‘king of snakes’ and fuck if anyone’s taking that away from me64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? nope, she remains very dear to me65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? run screaming for the hills, catch me sailing out to shetland on the next ferry because that’s a conversation i don’t want to have66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? yeah, i don’t really believe in having close friends that i cannot act my complete self around, regardless of gender67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? my dad? non-family, the regimental representative at the museum i work at, who’s basically my work dad (who i cook for because i worry about his health)68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? i avoid all deep emotional conversations, so it’d probably be my parents (specifically my mother because my dad is like me). but i did have a deep conversation about politics and race with a girl i met on my trip this weekend up north69: Do you believe in soulmates? answered this as well70: Is there anyone you would die for? absolutely

[chrisfranklinchow]

Ice is a substance that forms when water freezes at 0°C (or 32°F for almost anyone who follows me), and is something I don’t see often outside of a freezer. The average temperature of Singapore in the month of June is 32°C (89°F), so you can imagine, it’s pretty hot. And there are only 2 ice rinks in Singapore, and they’re both pretty far from my home.

So how did a small adult in Singapore fall in love with a sport that takes place on a large-ass piece of ice? lemme tell you that story rn.

Until quite recently, I actually forgot that ice hockey was ‘a thing’, and the only hockey I knew was land hockey, because that’s what my school was known for. So imagine my surprise when I realised that people on Tumblr were talking about ice hockey..... Boy, I was.......... shocked, and kinda like confused as to why people liked watching big, buff man skate for an oreo with their fun sticks!!!

I was one of those “People who follow sport have no lives” kinda people (yes, I was one of those annoying people, I hate what my young self chose to be). And that affected my relationship with my father, because he was super into football. And I definitely did look down on what my father enjoyed. But I do wish I had gotten the time to know more about team sports and talked to him about it, because that chance is long gone. It’s been around 4 years since my dad passed away from liver cancer, and I still miss him and wish he was still around so he could laugh at my sudden hockey obsession.

I was introduced to hockey by a wee lil webcomic, and I was watching people freak out over the 2016′s SCF, and I was curious! But I was still in school back then and like, it was over before I could even start thinking about it. So it was in the back-burner of my mind, just simmering away.

And suddenly, out of nowhere, this stray idea checked me off my feet and smirked down at me and said, “Hey Yun, how about you watch the World Cup of Hockey, wouldn’t that be fun! Besides, you’re bored and waiting for your internship to start and if you hated it, you could always stop!!!!” And guess what I did, I watched the WCoH, thinking that I would hate it and stop and just waste my time sleeping.

But no, it turns out, I really did fucking like watching hockey, and it kinda led into my internship, so I wake up really early just to be one of the firsts in the office so I could watch games undisturbed. My mom’s still angry about this, but there were a few months when I used too much of my data plan just to stream games for 1h.

So, I chose to support the Pens because of the overwhelming flood of posts that happened around the time of 2016′s SCF. And because I thought I wasn’t gonna be that into hockey and just hopped on that bandwagon. Who would have thought that this team would have captured my heart so hard. I’m not even gonna expand on this, because I’m so emo atm.

Most Pens games are around 7-8am here, and sometimes 5-6am, and if I can, I try to watch most of them. It’s crazy, because no one I know IRL is into hockey. (I’ve checked Singaporean expats forums, many of them are into the Blackh*wks, and I had to slowly close my laptop and cleanse it), so I just wake up and watch it alone.

But there was a shift in my blog because I didn’t really like the discrimination against my favourite characters and I started adding hockey to my blog officially. And people were ok with it??? And I actually gained......... hockey followers??? It’s kinda refreshing and fun that hockey tumblr was pretty welcoming to their new random hockey fans, and I felt like I could (mostly) freely talk about hockey without being laughed at by my peers.

I could go on and on, but I honestly can’t believe that I’ve become one of those sports fans. A classmate of mine who was into football actually talked to me about hockey once, and that was pretty fun, and they thought a meek and kinda nerdy girl like me would never be that into sport. And as I think back about the person I used to be, I don’t think my past self would ever imagine that I would spend my second decade on this Earth being into a sport that can never happen naturally in Singapore.

So how did a small Singaporean adult get into hockey, despite being in the direct exposure of the sun’s rays, resulting in it being a tropical and sunny island? Just like any other interests, the people and the random love I have in my heart.

I’m so thankful that people made space for me to talk about my interests and allow me to explore this avenue. I’m thankful that through sport, I was able to reconnect briefly with my father, and I thought of him and his football watching recently, and I laughed because he was the best and he was who I gained the random waking up powers from. And wow, it’s 1am and I’m here writing this, and I still chuckle occasionally that I’m a hockey fan. 

Thank you hockey and hockey friends, you’ve made my life better in so many ways. It’s kinda been a war zone in the hockey world lately, and I’ve been trying to steer clear of that, and it’s been affecting me personally, and I’m not sure if I’ll carry on watching hockey. But I probably will. And I’ll keep my eyes and ears peeled for new teams to support.

I’ve rambled on long enough, just from the bottom of my heart, know that I’ve never been happier thinking about sport lol. I love hockey so darn much, I’m kinda tearing up rn. So thanks for making my first hockey season so memorable y’all!!!