#I’m just some asshole behind a screen posting about my personal woes

[missiodine]

I fucking hate myself.

[letstrywritingmaybe]

Starting to think me being productive is the reason for my sports woes, so maybe I should stop writing. Meanwhile I finally wrote snow on the beach for midnights. I’m gonna chill for real though and read my books I got from the library that I haven’t touched yet

Update: I know I said no writing. But I just have to note googling lawyer from reading through emails to make sure they’re not divorce lawyers as an idea. Group chat convos that are not fandom related can also lead to great inspo

Update 2: still very much stuck on this ship and got no reading done. It hasn’t even been a full day. Good news is I wrapped all of my Christmas presents! And I have no desire to write so I guess I’m still going strong on the no more writing and see if that ends my sports woes. Will still be doing my regular updates though. And while I’m here, I reread my green card au today and it’s so self indulgent, I’m so happy I wrote it. I was kinda stressed while writing it and I wasn’t super happy with the ending at first, but when I went to reread it today I was like you know what? This reads like a shitty drama, and I’m okay with that. I mean I used to watch terrible dramas all the time, and I liked some of them. They can’t compare to the really good ones, but they have their moments. So yeah. I’m glad I wrote it and included American references cause it’s what I know

Update 3: I know I have no business saying shit cause I’ve written it before, but idk if I could see them cheating tbh. At least not in canon, which kinda gave me an idea that’s semi similar to a fic I read before… but I digress cause I’m still on my own writers strike. I think I’ve been ruined by the summer series and the vampire diaries, I’m really not fond of brothers fighting for the same person. Even if that person is my queen, it’s just so messy! So awkward too once you get past the initial stuff that people find intriguing about love triangles. Best case scenario in my eyes will always be the person they fight over doesn’t choose either and the brothers are cool again. But that never happens. I’m very family oriented so it just makes me sad to think that it fucks everything up. I know I’ve written about messy ship drama, but I don’t think I’m fond of reading it. Even when I’m writing it myself I’m kinda just like why is this happening? I don’t enjoy the process, but sometimes the story calls for it. Cause my fics write themselves and have a mind of their own. Idk I would just rather it be a non family member fighting for my queen. Plus in the context of shinshi versus CoShi, shinshi wins every time for me. I like when they both take the antidote or they both stay as their shrunken forms. I like when they’re equals. It’s literally the reason why I’ve never written a ShinAi fic despite it being popular. I hate the idea of it. I’m such a hater of the canon ship that I hate them even getting a shot for like ten years while my queen doesn’t get to move on. That’s so unfair. I would much rather she get to date and try and fall in love with other people too, instead of just waiting for him to turn around and realize he loves her. *sigh I just read some fics and I’m having mixed feelings, so I’m venting here cause I’m not an asshole who says mean shit in comments. Easiest way to get on my shit list is to hide behind screens and spread hatred, we get enough of that irl

Update 4: I was onto something about not writing to end my sports woes! My pens won!!! And we scored TWO Power Play Goals!!!! And a shortie!!! And it was big Jeff Carter!??!!?? Alright, I guess I should never write again. But to celebrate I will probably post the last chapter of devour so I can wrap up another wip

[talesofawaywardsoul]

Rooted

Time for another writing prompt provided by a friend. I kind of went slightly off with this one. I think it really would do better as a longer story but I’m trying to practice writing short story and get my point across in fewer words. Hopefully you enjoy!

Writing Prompt: “When he said he had roots, I just assumed he was speaking metaphorically.” 

I leaned back in my office chair and stretched my arms above my head, the bones in my elbows cracking. The sound was a constant reminder that I needed to start getting up more often to stretch during work. I stared up at the ceiling and nearly fell backwards out of the chair. 

A spider hung from the ceiling inches from my face. I slowly slid out of the chair, until I was all the way on the floor. I then crawled to the door and ran to my room where I kept a can of bug spray. I grabbed it and snuck back to the office, peering around the corner. I squinted my eyes looking for the small speck.

“Where did you go, you little fucker?” 

I inched closer searching the ceiling and the air between it and the chair. It had to be there, somewhere. 

“Oh shit.” I nearly tripped backwards when I finally found it swinging straight for me. In what seemed like slow motion but was more like two seconds I brought the can up and wasted nearly half of it trying to kill the damn spider. 

“Guess I’ll be adding bug spray to the grocery list.”

Once I was sure it was dead and had cleaned up the chair, wall and desk of bug spray I headed downstairs and threw some chicken nuggets in the microwave for dinner, no longer feeling up to cooking anything. Once they were done I plopped onto my couch and turned the TV on and pulled out my phone. 

Only two minutes into mindless scrolling and a friends post caught my attention. A meme listing the top five reasons they keep a boyfriend around. One of the five things was to kill spiders.

“Who needs a boyfriend for that, I managed just fine on my own.”

I closed Facebook, annoyed with most of what I was seeing. Mid summer really brought out the crazies. I flipped through the pages on my phone looking for a different app to open and landed on the last page where I kept the apps I barely used. And there at the bottom, completely forgotten was Tinder. 

I stared at it for a long time. Its little white flame and pink border taunting me. I hadn’t been on in weeks. The conversations were always so pointless, shallow, one minded or just boring. I found myself opening it anyway and began mindlessly swiping left on shirtless pics and bikini shots.

It was like I had never stopped. It was so easy, constantly swiping left. Occasionally I would pull up someone's profile when a pic showed something of interest. Usually a geeky t-shirt, brightly colored hair or the scenery would make me pause and read their bio. But even then I rarely swiped right. I really didn’t like Tinder at all, it was just the easiest app to use. Not over complicated or time consuming and honestly sometimes an ego boost. But overall I hate trying to connect with someone online but I’m too antisocial to get out. The woes of being me.

My thumb suddenly paused, almost as if it had a mind of its own. It hovered over a picture of grass. It was zoomed in, showing the fine hairs of the grass blades. Dew drops hung on each blade, the sky mirrored on their surface. I touched the picture and began flipping through the rest. They were all scenic nature pictures. 

“Must be a photographer.” 

I rarely swipe right if there isn’t a picture of the person, partially because even I have a shallow bone in my body but also because those usually turn out to be fake profiles. They also only had a letter for their name, M. But still there was something different about them, the pictures were so peaceful and welcoming. Their bio was simple. 

Looking to find a connection. Someone who paints with all the colors of the wind. I’m a solitary person who likes to be in nature. My roots go deep and I have never left the solace of my sanctuary but I want to share the knowledge I have gained over the years with someone worthy. 

I’m not much of a nature person. I think my brutal slaying by bug spray drowning of the aforementioned spider probably clued you in. I think nature is beautiful and breathtaking but I don’t do bugs or dirt. But I found myself liking their profile anyway. The combination of the bio which stated just enough of who they were and the gorgeous pictures convinced me. 

My favorite was the picture of an Ash tree. It stood in the middle of a field, a forest set far back behind it and a small tire swing hanging from one of its mighty branches. It looked so lonely but inviting. As if to say even in its sadness it wanted to welcome others. I swiped right.

Barely a minute later a notification popped up on my phone. I had a new message. 

I love your picture in the sunflowers. Sunflowers are a sign of good luck. 

Yeah, they make me smile. Even when I’m sad. 

There are many legends about sunflowers, the Greek myth is a great story.

Yes, I love Greek mythology. Always wanted to read mythology from other cultures though. I feel like Greek mythology is the most widely known while others you don’t see as often. I’ve often wanted to read more on Native American folklore and mythology.

Really, I would highly recommend it. I could give you some book recommendations.

I would love that.

We talked well into the night. I never thought it was possible to connect to someone and carry on a conversation through a phone like we were doing and so quickly. They were full of so much knowledge, something I hadn’t seen in someone in a long time. Everything they said was carefully thought out and obviously researched. Who had so much time on their hands? Weeks went by and I found myself picking up my phone in mere seconds every time I got a notification hoping it was from them.

Honestly, I’m not a huge fan of most bugs either. There are many that can be damaging to trees. However dirt has never been a problem for me.

Well it’s not that I hate dirt, I just don’t like being dirty without having a way to clean up and if you’re out in nature for an extended period of time, kind of hard to clean up.

True. That is why I welcome a rain storm.

Yes I love the rain, even the heaviest of rain seems peaceful to me. 

Yes and it brings life and nourishment to many. 

Did that big storm reach you? One of the houses on my street had a tree get blown over.

Thankfully no downed branches, I don’t think I could take another beating like the last storm we had. It’s hard on the joints. Just rain for me.

I like big thunderstorms but I can understand it’s not for everyone. Hey so I’m curious, what’s your like, feelings on meeting people on here. 

Well I’d have to say I enjoy it, that’s why I’m on here. Although I must admit your company is really the only one that I have enjoyed. 

I blushed.

I’ve really been enjoying talking to you as well. What I was trying to say though was how do you feel about meeting in person. 

Oh, well I don’t really, I mean to say I can’t. 

I noticed on your profile that you live in a pretty secluded area. Although you’re not too far from the city I live in. Is it a transportation issue?

No I can’t leave my home, my roots are here. 

I get it. I always say I’m gonna travel the world but honestly I’m too afraid to leave my home state. 

I want to travel. I just can’t. 

Why not? I know we haven’t been talking long but we could pick somewhere public if that makes you feel more comfortable. 

I waited for a response but none came. I went through the rest of my day jumping every time my phone dinged. I didn’t know why I was so on edge. We had only been talking for a few weeks. We didn’t really know each other. I didn’t even know what they looked like. So what if they chose to ignore me after a simple question. 

Maybe I asked to soon. I had actually never gotten this far with someone. Any conversation I’d had so far lasted a day, two tops. When did people normally try to meet. I had a few guys try to push meeting up when we’d only been talking for like 15 minutes but I doubted that was normal. 

Five days went by and I hadn’t heard anything. I tried to forget about it. Poured myself into work, and even started exercising to keep my mind off it. I tried going back on Tinder to find someone new to talk to but after the first conversation ended with a rather rude and insensitive remark because I didn’t catch his hints, I decided it was time to delete the app. I started searching through the settings looking for the option to delete when I saw a notification pop up. 

“If it's that asshole, I swear I’m throwing my phone out the window.”

I pulled up my messages and was surprised to see a new message from M. I paused unsure whether to click on it. Did I want to go down that road again? What if they were just upset and messaging me to tell me why. 

“Get over yourself, It’s nothing, just open it.”

I did. 

Today at 5pm. The Ash tree.

A second message was an address to a farm outside of the city. I leaned back in my chair. That wasn’t what I had been expecting at all. A meet up, it’s what I had wanted but it was out of the blue and so cryptic. 

“You’re not really considering this.” I looked back down at my phone. “No of course not.”

I set it screen down. I went into the kitchen and pulled out a pint of ice cream. I grabbed a spoon and began walking aimlessly back and forth eating. I passed my phone, two, three, four times. I paused the spoon hanging from my mouth as I stared at my phone. Finally I put the ice cream down and grabbed my phone. 

I’ll be there. 

I threw my phone on my couch as soon as I sent the response. I immediately regretted it. Why had I agreed to meet this person? I didn’t know who they were or really anything about them. This was dangerous, I can’t go through with it. I grabbed my phone ready to cancel when another thought crossed my mind. I went into my contacts and selected my sister. 

“Hey I need a favor.”

My sister’s car pulled up the long driveway to the old farmhouse. No one had lived in the house for a year. The owner of the property used to rent it out but after the last tenant moved out he hadn’t found anyone new. 

“Are you sure about this?”

“Yes, the Ash tree is right around back and I’ll keep my phone in my hand the whole time. If I don’t text you in five minutes come find me.”

“You sure you don’t want me to walk back there with you.”

“Yes, I have mace. Don’t worry.” I stepped out of the car. My phone clutched in one hand, my other hand in my pocket wrapped around my mace. 

Once I was in view of the ash tree, my face fell. I didn’t see anyone. I drew closer, gripping the mace in my pocket harder. 

“Why did I come out here. This was stupid.” I turned to leave when I heard my phone ding. I took a look and saw a message on Tinder.

Thank you for coming.

Where are you? Is this some sort of joke?

I’m here. Right in front of you.

“Right in front of me, all I see is a tree.”

I don’t have time for this. I don’t know how you get off playing games like this on someone but... 

Before I could finish typing my eye caught something. I got closer to the tree and placed my hand on a carving in it’s trunk.

“Meliae.” I looked at the tree again, remembering what it was, an ash tree. 

“You’re a wood nymph.”