#I might be selfish but at least if I was dead I can’t hurt anyone anymore

[missiodine]

I fucking hate myself.

[kitsunesfandomtime]

Hated by Life Itself (Rough Draft/Concept)

Summary: A young AFO wonders why he is still alive and his purpose for his continued existence. He decides to try and figure it out despite everything else saying he should die.

Inspired by: @tengoku-izumi, @kstbj and song this is a rough draft and not the completed fic. I just like sharing since it might change so enjoy~

Completed Version: Link

Since he was born it felt as if life itself abhorred his very existence. Blood and death followed his every path as nightmares of the dead sneered and screamed at him. There are times he wondered if he should listen to their words, grab his own spike and ram it into his throat. To end it all as there is only more death in this world.

Only to remember that Yoichi is still there.

He would die without him, unable to fight or defend himself. While he didn’t care about his own life, always eating second and prioritizing the other, he can’t bring himself to abandon Yoichi. It was a selfish thought, he is sure, that he didn’t care much about himself and yet can’t let go of his little brother. As the only reason he could think of if Yoichi died is, he wouldn’t like it.

Little brother. It was Yoichi that learned that term after he brought all those books. It was also when he chose to name his little brother. As the only kindness the world has ever gifted him despite everything else wishing for his death. Yet he still hasn’t chosen a name for himself, even refusing his little brother's attempt to name him.

He didn’t need one.

A name is something for those that have an identity, a dream, or actually have some light to look forward to. His brother says live peacefully, be kind, even to his own detriment and while at times have gotten annoyed enough to roughly shove or hurt his brother. He admired it, that naivety was in a weird sense sweet because he wished he could live peacefully. What a wonderful thing it would be if he could just live like that, but he knows he can’t.

Every radio talks about a new death, every TV they find has another riot and chaos of people fighting those with powers. There are marches of people who sneer at the paranormal, looking at him and implying if has power they will kill him. Living Peacefully was never an option for them, but he can at least let Yoichi believe in that. It not like he cares what strangers think only that Yoichi lives and is at his side, then its enough.

Though he notes they both have been growing. Yoichi has more comics now after they found a bookstore to hide in. He goes to his side and reads.

And in that moment also realized, like the hero, if they died there would be no one there to mourn them. No one would care about their existence and for once the thought did bother him because it was unfair. Unsure of what to think of these feelings he keeps it close to his chest listening and trying to learn more of the world. Only to learn of the ‘Glowing baby’.

…He was loved. He was born with mutant powers but everyone loved him. They adored him and he made changes. Everyone would care if he died, he would be a martyr. 

He saw red, wanting to scream why everyone loves him? Why didn’t anyone help him or his little brother? What made them so different!? His hands trembling as he stared at the screen as this ‘baby’ was actually his age if anything a bit younger. Wanting to ask why he was born so loved while he is in the streets with scraps barely surviving.

Because you’re a monster!

He flinches. Somehow a voice echoed in his head causing him to stumble awat from the TV, knowing he was getting a few looks. His head was pounding, able to hear the jeers and sneers, they were so loud… He just wanted to live for his little brother. He just wants what everyone else has so won’t feel so terrible and is only trying to survive while people keep trying to kill him. Is that so wrong? Was he that terrible?

Why was he even alive?

“...It’s all pointless isn’t it?” He whispers more to himself as he just listens to those voices. A deep breath and a sigh as he looks at the TV screen. Thinking about the comic book they read reminded him of the villain. The villain wasn’t alone. If he's already been a monster since birth then he should embrace that role. Then everyone would have to look at him then when they have nothing, he can show he can care for them.

No one will be able to ignore him. He won’t feel lonely anymore.

He needs to return to Yoichi. Before he does this he wants to be with him, he won’t tell him his plans might fail. If he dies because of failure at least he wants to be sure that Yoichi will be fine for a while. Because in the end if Yoichi dies, no one would even know or even care that he existed either.

________

“Yoichi I brought back food,” The unnamed young man called out with a grocery bag. Of course he had to mug some drunks for the money since no one wants to hire some rats off the street. One of the food though was a nice donation from that kind restaurant, the man always left nice food in the back. He wishes he could pay him back somehow, but if he succeeds then he will try his best to repay him back.

“And not all of it from stolen money. The guy that puts out free food in the back had a full meal out today he must be doing well,” He notes as he takes out that first since is sure Yoichi already making a face at the idea of food obtained dubiously. But the moment he mentioned that specific man his eyes lit up already eagerly holding his hand out to snatch the food. Opening and devouring it with his hand.

“Hey! He brought us forks we should at least try to eat it,” he laughs just a bit and Yoichi stops himself. Looking a bit embarrassed but to be fair they didn’t know manners they only learned by watching other people. Usually through a window and that's how they even learned about utensils, regardless Yoichi did accept the plastic fork and knife to eat his noodles a bit more cleanly. While the older brother sat beside to eat the leftover Katsudon enjoying the meal a bit he thinks about how could set his little brother up.

“Honestly, you can probably visit that guy sometimes too. He usually has a consistent schedule and thankfully not too many people cause trouble there,” He noted. Watching Yoichi look up in surprise as this was the first time he ever suggested Yoichi do anything by himself. “It's just a thought. Eventually I might die so it's good to know how to care for yourself.”

Yoichi suddenly sputtered and choked, looking shocked. Was it really that surprising? There were tons of attempts on their life-

“You aren’t going to die! Don’t just say stuff like that, you don’t want to die do you?” Yoichi questioned with concern and honestly… The older brother was a bit dumbfounded. Staring at his little brother confused at what he means about how he doesn’t want to die. Slowly tilting his head he thinks about how he doesn’t care if he does die but guessed it not like he is actively trying.

“I mean if I obtained an immortal body I guess that wouldn’t be an issue,” he answers quite bluntly. Yoichi’s concern turns to annoyance as he leans over and smacks his shoulder as if had just been tricked.

“You’re an ass! That’s not what I’m talking about and you know it. Are you just messing with me by talking about death?” Yoichi questions and he honestly just shrugs. Likely only frustrating his little brother more but he didn’t exactly know how to explain it. Thinking a bit more carefully about how he is supposed to communicate his words.

“I am serious. If I was immortal it would be nice, I would be able to take care of you forever without any issues. I’m sure you like being immortal as you could read all the comics and books in the world,” He informed him, though his little brother seemed annoyed. At least he wasn’t saying he wanted to die or anything. He’s just indifferent to the idea if he was honest but he would avoid it if he could. So that should be satisfactory.

“But honestly… If either of us died, the world itself likely wouldn’t care.” The unnamed teen muses and Yoichi freezes. He doesn’t say anything, just a long moment of silence because honestly it's the truth. Yoichi may be smart and probably get along well in society but it won’t allow him in unless something huge happens. They see his white hair and they steer clear of him right away just on the possibility he’s a paranormal.

“...But I don’t really care about the dying part.” He finally admits watching his little brother freeze, “I wouldn’t pursue it of course, you still need me and I would do anything to avoid it as there are things I still want to do. But at the same time, I would rather you live over me if given a chance that’s all it is.”

“Shut up! What is wrong with you!?” Yoichi screams and the anger did surprise him. It was rare to see his little brother so riled up and when examines his face he was trembling. As if hadn’t expected this at all, his words came out of nowhere. “You’re always selfish and demanding the hell you mean you rather I live over you!?”

Selfish…? Demanding…? What does that have to do with this conversation?

Oh! Likely because he ignores Yoichi whenever he tries to stop him from killing their enemies or any of his demands to be ‘good’. He is quite stubborn like that but he didn’t see anything wrong with what he said, not like he has any issues with Yoichi personally either. He’s known that his brother is just like this and he accepts him he isn’t going to stop caring about him. He continues eating like Yoichi isn’t looking on the brink of crying. Honestly confused at why he is making such a big deal about his statement.

“Well, I just wouldn’t like living without you alive.” It was blunt and to the point. To show he is still the same and selfish brother that he always knew. Watching those green eyes widened as tries to register his words. Then they filled with tears and a broken laugh escaped him as if had said something funny.

“The hell is that supposed to mean? That doesn’t make sense… You don’t make sense,” Yoichi whispers and in the end he guessed it was true if he said it didn’t. But in the end he was selfish and didn’t care about what was the correct way to care about someone. Some might think he is being selfless but it is not as if he wants to die for his little brother. He just prefers not to entertain the idea of being completely alone.

“You don’t need to understand it just how I feel. But you probably shouldn’t cry over your ramen. It 's going to end up extra salty,” He points out. Watching his little brother snort as wipes his eyes then goes to eat the remaining ramen. At the least they talked it out even if his brother started yelling at him and getting emotional suddenly. But in a weird way, he did feel closer and he was happy at that moment.

He hopes he can succeed and eventually they no longer have to live off of scraps.

[ciaossu-imagines]

prompt 8 and/or 9 for shouhei, please!-shoheiakagi

After reading your recent post, I’m a dollar short and a day late, but I hope these will still do the trick!! Since I’d already dealt with a request for prompt eight, I hope you don’t mind that I settled on prompt nine instead! It seemed really fun, and I enjoyed writing these, so I hope you’ll enjoy them as well!

How do you view people who are similar to you?

I really do think Shouhei can get along with almost everyone, and having similarities with someone does make it easier for him to find common ground and things to talk about, so he can normally strike up at least a friendly acquaintanceship with those similar to him, unless there’s major differences that keep that from happening (for example, while I do see Hidaka and Shouhei as very similar and like people who should get along, the distinct difference in their clans and the way they approach the concept of justice means that they really could never form that friendship). That being said, I do feel like people who are similar to Shouhei don’t really interest him, or challenge him mentally and emotionally enough, to really catch his interest as much as those who are quite opposite to him do.

Is copying the sincerest form of flattery?

Not really, not in Shouhei’s opinion. Sure, he’ll probably have a little bit of an ego-boost if someone copies some of the things he does, but it’s pretty short-lived. Once that initial little ego-boost is done, I do think he would kind of wonder why the person was copying him – were they not confident enough in themselves, did they lack their own identity, did they not feel like they were strong enough on their own? It would really kind of bother him, as he definitely does feel that people are best when they’re living their authentic selves, and he’d first probably subtly try to get the person to express more of who they actually are or would kind of sever ties to them slowly if they kept relying on copying him.

Do you believe people are either good or bad?

Honestly, Shouhei falls somewhere in the middle. I do see him as the sort of person who can easily see the good in a wide variety of people and who will focus mainly on the good in a person. He can shrug off annoying traits or faults in people pretty easily that way. However, he’s not a stupid boy and he’s seen quite a bit in his life, and he has no delusions that every single person is good. He knows there’s immoral people out there, selfish people who will do anything as long as they benefit from it, no matter how much it hurts other people or how depraved it is so he is quite fully aware that there do exist people out there who are just plain bad, to the point that not even he can find the good in them.

Do you believe certain people would be better off dead?

Yes. There’s a lot of people who look at HOMRA, and Shouhei because he is a part of that group and assume that they’re all a bunch of hoods with no moral values. But Shouhei actually has a pretty strong moral compass and some pretty strict ideas of what’s okay and what’s not, though they might differ from those held by general society. Those people who destroy those morals he has, those who purposefully seek to gain from other people’s (especially women or children) pain and suffering…Shouhei would happily send them to hell himself, and if he can’t do it, he sure as hell would not be sorry if someone else did.

Would you trust anyone to protect you?

I think the answer here is really obvious. Though they might not always get along, and they do fight among themselves sometimes, he trusts every other member of HOMRA to have his back when he needs them to and he knows that any of them would protect him if needed, even if they got hurt doing so. (That being said, Mikoto and Bandou are definitely the two he put the most absolutely trust in.)

Do you need to have a leader role? Would you fight someone if they competed or just let it go?

Now, Shouhei has absolutely no problem with being the center of attention. He’s not a shrinking violet or someone who minds having all eyes on him. But, even with that super-extroverted nature of his, he doesn’t really have a lot of ambition, I don’t think, and he doesn’t really gravitate towards leadership roles or being in charge. He doesn’t want someone dictating all of his moves or what he should be doing, so it’s not that he wants to be subservient or that he needs someone to give him direction for his life, but more that he’s just a very ‘live and let live’ kind of guy when it comes down to it, with some exceptions of course. He’ll happily relinquish leadership over to others, as long as they don’t expect him to blindly follow their orders and they don’t micromanage or behave too authoritarian for his liking.

Do you believe your parents know best? If not, then who?

No. No, he definitely does not. Don’t get me wrong. It’s not that Shouhei doesn’t like his parents or that he doesn’t get along with them (though there were some rough patches during his early to mid-teenage years). He loves his parents and they’ve gotten to a point where they’ve accepted his lifestyle enough to not nag him about it. But Shouhei doesn’t think that his parents know everything – they’re just people, doing their best, same as him and everyone else. He knows his parents aren’t infallible, that they make mistakes. Hell, while he deeply respects Mikoto as his King, and the upper members of HOMRA like Tatara and Kusanagi, he knows that even they don’t know everything and that they can make mistakes. In the end, Shouhei follows Mikoto as his King and respects him, but Shouhei feels like only he, himself, knows what’s best for Shouhei and that each other person knows what’s best for themselves.

Is it best to have friends who are convenient to you or friends who are genuine?

While Shouhei will have a lot of friendly acquaintances and lots of surface level friendships, people he sees or interacts with here and there and gets along with, because he is such a friendly, open guy, he really does treasure his genuine friendships, because he does know how rare those can be. A true friend is worth more than all the money in the world, in his opinion.

Is marriage for love or for business?

Now, while he’s not averse to fun and casual flings, Shouhei is a bit of a romantic at heart, and he will definitely be the kind of person who does want to find ‘the right one’. Marriage is serious to him, and he definitely feels marriage should be with someone you truly love and can’t imagine living your life without.

Should people be judged on how they look? Would you judge others in such a way?

Shouhei actually isn’t super into how people look. He’s not blind, and he will find certain people more attractive than others. Looks will determine who he might be interested in dating, though they won’t be the only thing that determines that. But overall, in terms of just how he treats people in general and how he determines who he enjoys as a person and who he dislikes as a person, looks never factor into that sort of thing.

Do you believe being disliked makes you stronger or more of a threat?

Neither. Shouhei’s, again, not a dumb guy and he’s pretty socially smart. He knows it’s impossible to make it through life without someone disliking you because not everyone likes everyone else. Hell, there’s plenty of people he doesn’t really like. Him not liking them, or someone else not liking him, doesn’t make him stronger or weaker to them or them to him. It doesn’t make them a threat to him or vice versa. It just means they’re two people who don’t get along.

Are problems best shared or should people keep them to themselves?

This is a complicated one for Shouhei. He really, really struggles to share the problems he’s facing with others. He is always really quick to offer help to others, to take other people’s problems on himself but he finds it difficult to let other people into problems he’s facing. Half of him simply believes that he can do it all on his own, while the other, smaller half doesn’t think it’s right to put his burdens on someone else, even though he never views other people’s problems as burdens.

Do you believe people who force you out of your comfort zone are helpful? Annoying? Do you want to deal with them at all?

The thing is, Shouhei has a really wide comfort zone. He’s pretty game for anything that seems fun or interesting and he’s definitely not risk averse.

Even if you know nothing about a subject, do you feel the need to take part?

Yes and no. I don’t see Shouhei as this big mansplainer or anything. He’s not a know-it-all or anything like that. It’s more that, if the subject being discussed seems at all interesting to him, he’s going to join in on the conversation, ask questions, try to learn something new and cool.

How do you view people who are your opposites?

Now, as mentioned in the very first question, I do see Shouhei being more interested in or intrigued by people who are very much his opposite. They’ll still need to share some common things, as in he won’t be interested in someone who is super rigid in their beliefs or someone who is very authoritarian, but overall, he very much has a curiosity about people who are quite opposite. I really do think he’s that extrovert friend who kind of collects more introverted friends, just because he finds them really fascinating or finds it interesting to see how they think and view things and approach things. He finds he learns a lot more and it helps him develop as a person to have those friends who help him see different points of view or different ways of thinking about things.

Do you interact with others in a special or different persona or attitude?

Okay, this one is a little complicated because I do see Shouhei as being someone who is very chameleon like. He doesn’t entirely change who he is with people. He’s still the same guy, with the same core values and attributes, but he does kind of adapt his behaviour to the person he’s hanging out with. Some people only get Shouhei at, like, 25% fully himself because he tones down some of his personality traits to make them feel more at ease. Others get full 100% Shouhei, mostly the other alphabet boys in HOMRA.

Do you prefer to be around extroverts or introverts? Or does it not matter to you either way?

Now, I do think that Shouhei can really be comfortable hanging out with both introverts and extroverts, but I do, as previously said, think that he prefers introverts. But hey, if someone is cool and extroverted, he’ll hang out with them, he’ll be friendly. I just think he chooses to hang out with his more introverted friends more often than not.

If you need help, are you more likely to accept it from anyone or only close friends? Do you ever accept help in general?

Shouhei has a hard time really accepting help in general and, when he does, it’s only from those he really, truly trusts to have his back. And it’s normally because those people know him well enough to have figured out that there’s something going on with him, because he does have his tells and some of them have figured them out and can read him pretty easily now.

How do you feel about party games like truth or dare? Do you wish people would leave you out of them?

He can take them or leave them himself. He has no problem participating in them, keeping them all in good fun. That being said, if the people he’s around or hanging out with are people who would be uncomfortable playing the game when someone else suggests it, he’ll probably shoot it down because he doesn’t want his friend to feel forced into an uncomfortable situation.

Do you wish people paid you more attention?

Quite simply put…Shouhei’s a handsome, charismatic, friendly guy. He really isn’t hurting for attention and he’s quite okay with the amount of attention he gets.

Do you wish no one ever paid you any attention?

There are times, mostly when he has to be sneaky or fly under the radar, that he does wish that he didn’t draw quite so much attention, especially since he finds it hard not to engage with people who come up and start talking to him because he’s caught their eye.

Do you think authority figures are looking out for your best interests and should be trusted?

No. Very much no. I do think that a large part of the reason that being in HOMRA works so well for Shouhei is because Mikoto, while he’s their King, doesn’t expect or try to be an authority figure. He’s fine, and actually pretty proud of being under Mikoto, but that’s because Mikoto feels more like someone that Shouhei looks up to and respects; Mikoto has that charisma and draw to him that people like Shouhei, who have issues with authority and being told constantly what to do and what not to do, really do respond well to.

Do you believe people would be upset if you disappeared one day or more relieved?

Shouhei has a pretty healthy amount of self-esteem. He knows that his parents do love him. He knows he has friends who would notice if he just up and disappeared. He knows HOMRA would definitely notice if he went AWOL, and he knows that all those people would be upset and would do everything they could to find out what happened to him, if he ever ran away or disappeared.

Do you get along better with people older than you or younger than you? Perhaps the same age?

Okay, weird stance here, but I do think Shouhei can get along with kids, but he’s sort of uncomfortable around them. Like, he tries to be nice, but my god, some people’s kids, you know…He’s friendly enough to older folks and his charming nature does mean that most of them forgive the fact that he looks a little bit like a hood. That being said, he’s not going out of his way to hang out with most older folks, and he really does prefer the company of those more around his age, as he finds more in common with them.

What does it take for you to consider someone an enemy?

Shouhei won’t stand for two things. Don’t hurt one of his friends or loved ones. Just don’t do it; don’t put them in danger in any way. And for fuck sakes, just let him live his life the way he wants to. He hates it when people try to control him or force him into this tiny, societally acceptable box.

What does it take for you to consider someone a friend?

Honestly, it’s not too hard to make a friend out of Shouhei. He makes friends easily. Be kind to him, don’t cause unnecessary drama, have a sense of humour and fun, and he’ll be more than happy to be your friend, even if it does just begin as a surface level friendship.

What are your thoughts on public displays of affection or skinship?

I’ve said it before, but I do see Shouhei as an incredibly affectionate guy. It doesn’t matter if it’s his bros or his parents or his friends who are girls, or a lover. He’s big on hugs, on high-fives, on playful shoves or rough housing with the other guys, with arms slung across shoulders…he’s just very physical as a person, with physical touch definitely being the love language he shows to other people.

It’s a dog-eat-dog world and everyone’s got an agenda. Do you believe that?

For the most part, Shouhei wouldn’t really buy into that. He does know that there are people out there who do have hidden agendas, who are only out for themselves, but he doesn’t believe that that is the majority of people and he’s met enough kind, generous people (and been raised by them), that he’s pretty sure there’s more good people in the world than bad people.

Do you consider it creepy or undesirable if someone knows too much about you?

It depends on the degree. If it’s just something that he knows they might have overheard someone else say about him, or heard him say in a conversation, then it doesn’t bother him too much. He’ll chalk it up to curiosity. However, if it’s stuff that he knows he’s never mentioned or talked about before and they’re bringing it up, he’s definitely creeped out and probably has some ‘oops, have another crazy stalker again’ vibes.

Would you do something horrible in order to save your friends even though they’d loathe you for it?

In a heartbeat. Shouhei really does care deeply for his friends and he’s the kind of guy who wants to fix things for others, to help them out. If his friends were really in danger, even if what he had to do meant that there’s a chance he might end up in a bad way or that his friends would be disgusted or pissed at him, he’s doing what needs to be done to keep them safe.

Do you remember anyone you used to get along with? Why did you stop getting along?

Shouhei actually used to be in a gang with some guys he knew before HOMRA. He was really good friends with this other guy in the gang, Minato. At least he was until it came out that Minato liked to knock around his girlfriends…that’s not exactly something Shouhei can overlook or be okay with, and Minato definitely wasn’t too friendly after Shouhei broke his arm and fractured his jaw.

Is family more important than any other relationship?

No. While he definitely does try to be good to his parents, especially now that they’ve gotten past all the rough patches of his teenage years, and he does want to keep a loving relationship with them, he also believes that that is only one of the many important, caring relationships that should be part of an adult’s life.

Do you think friendship is better and more powerful than love?

That’s impossible to really answer with a yes or a no for Shouhei. Friendship to him, true and genuine friendship, is just another form of love. Love to him doesn’t necessarily always equate to romantic or sexual feelings, though he does want and enjoy that kind of love too.

Would you rather hurt people or let people hurt you?

It depends. Emotionally and mentally, Shouhei doesn’t like to hurt people. He tries his very best to kind of go with the flow and is maybe a little too accommodating (ie: kissing Saya because she wanted him too and he didn’t want to hurt her feelings). That being said, physically…Shouhei has zero issues with hurting people if they try to hurt him or if he feels like they deserve it. HOMRA’s members have the reputations they have for good reason, and it’s because every single one of their members, including Shouhei, do love a good old-fashioned fight.

Do you believe peace is best and, as such, avert your eyes to misdeeds?

Shouhei, as mentioned, overlooks the little things. The things that don’t really make a huge difference. If the misdeeds are bigger than that, he’s definitely calling the person the fuck out or taking steps to stop what they’re doing.

Do you believe it’s fine to be alone so long as you’re true to yourself?

That’s actually, in a way, his worst nightmare. Shouhei thrives off human contact; he needs it to be happy and mentally healthy. He hates the thought of being completely alone, truly, one hundred percent alone, and he’d only put himself in that situation if it was absolutely necessary.

Do you think honest people are foolish people?

He doesn’t think they’re foolish. Bandou, probably Shouhei’s best friend, is way too honest sometimes, and it’s something Shouhei finds amusing and charming about him, actually.

Do lies bother you even if they’re for a good cause?

No. I will say this plain out, I do think Shouhei is one of those guys who will feel completely comfortable telling white lies. He won’t lie about anything serious, but small lies to protect the other person’s feelings – those are okay to him.

Do you believe there are some relationships that can’t be broken by anything?

I do think that he would feel that, though he wouldn’t know how exactly to put how he feels on that. He knows there are people who are always going to be important people to him, always going to have been huge influences on his life, people who he could go years without speaking to and then bump into and talk to as if only a day had passed.

[kpop-kitkat]

Innocent | Jo Gyehyeon

pairing | mafia!jo gyehyeon x f!reader

genre/cw | angst, fluff, mafia au, violence, blood, minor death, moderate language, injury, hate

wc | 1.6k

notes | none

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

It really wasn’t fair to Y/n. She didn’t deserve to get caught up in all of this. Yet here she was, bloody and bruised as chains bound her to a cold stone wall in the dark basement of a mafia’s mansion. As she struggled to free herself, the chains only rubbed against her already raw skin, causing it to sting and burn. She let out a helpless whimper, as if anyone was here to save here. “Gyehyeon…” she whispered her lover’s name, broken inside. She knew he might as well be dead at this point. Nobody was coming to save her. 

She hung her head in defeat, until she heard whispers and murmurs from the hall that led to the room she was in. She quickly worked against her restraints, not wanting to be interrogated any further. But the iron was too strong for her. She took a deep breath when the door opened. “Look who it is. The bitch still lives!” Lee Minseong, her captor, chuckled darkly. 

“Gyehyeon is coming for me,” she sighed, finding it hard to breath. “You’re already screwed.”

”Do you know nothing darling?” The man asked, hand coming under her chin, forcing her eyes to meet his. “That’s exactly what I want. I want him to come. This was my plan all along. You’re merely the bait.”

She tried to look away, but his strong grip forced her not to. 

“Gyehyeon knew the dangers of having a relationship while being involved in this business. Despite the fact, he fell in love with you. He was so selfish, he decided to have a relationship with you, knowing how risky it was. He put you in harm’s way,” the man explained, causing the girl to tear up.

”Gyehyeon loves me, and I love him! I knew what I was getting myself into!” She writhed in his grip.

”Helplessly in love, how tragic,” the man pouted, removing his hand from her. “I honestly pity you. You’re so dumb to love a mafia.” 

“Save your pity for yourself,” she snapped. 

This pushed him over the edge. Angrily, he gripped her throat, eliciting a pained gasp from her. “Listen to me, princess. Gyehyeon is coming here, only to be mercilessly slaughtered. He’ll wish he never met you in the first place, and you’ll wish you’d never been born. Nobody will save you.”

She attempted to pry his hands away from her throat as tears slipped down her cheeks. “You’re wrong,” she choked out, making him drop her straight to the ground, scraping her knees, opening old wounds as blood poured. 

“We’ll see about that,” he smirked evilly before leaving the room, slamming the iron door behind him.

Y/n breathed out a shaky breath as she trembled. From the cold, from the pain, from the sadness. Everything. “Gyehyeon… please… I love you…”

~~~~~

Gyehyeon made his footsteps as quiet as a mouse as he made his way through the dark mansion. He knew he was as good as dead if he was caught, so he had backup surrounding the vicinity. So at least if he couldn’t make it out alive, Y/n would. And she was all he was living for. 

He listened for anything. A calling of his name, a quiet cry, pained breaths. When he made his way to the basement, through the halls and through some doors, that was exactly what he heard.

”Gyehyeon…” a voice cried, barely above a whisper. 

“Y/n?” He whispered back, opening a certain door, revealing his girlfriend, chained up, bloody, bruised, crying, and weak. It made him especially angered seeing the bruising by her neck. He hated anyone touching his girlfriend that wasn’t him. He quickly ran to her and undid the chains that bound her. Once he did, she fell forward, unable to stand on her own. 

“Gyehyeon, I can’t- I,” she said in a broken voice.

”Shh, don’t talk love,” he embraced her, stroking her hair comfortingly. “We’re getting out of here.” 

“Gye, it hurts, I can’t-“ she struggled with words, and he teared up at the sight.

”I’m so sorry love,” he whispered. “Don’t talk, please. Save your strength. I’ll save you. I promise,” he smiled, caressing her cheek before kissing her lips repeatedly, tasting the metallic blood that coated her lips. He threw her arm around his neck as he picked her up, looking for a safe way out. Then, he got a message through his communication device attached to his ear. 

“Gyehyeon, they know you’re here. Get out of there and get out of there fast,” Minchan informed, sounding a bit worried. “How’s Y/n?”

Gyehyeon looked at his injured girlfriend. He panicked when he noticed her struggling to breath. “She isn’t breathing right, and she’s attained many injuries.” 

“I’ll send for Yeonho,” Minchan replied. Yeonho was the medic of the gang, which was Verivery. One of the most feared gangs in Seoul, but second to the Pythons, led by Lee Minseong.

Gyehyeon quietly slipped out of the dark room and made his way up the stairs, where he came from. When he caught sight of two Pythons about to turn a corner towards them, he pulled into a random room, closing the door behind him. He leaned against the door, his breathing heavy. He thought he was in the clear. 

He thought. 

“Well look what the cat dragged in,” a voice chuckled, belonging to a dark figure in the corner of the room. "Figured you'd stop by."

 Gyehyeon only glared angrily at the man, holding Y/n close to him as he felt her shiver.

 "You've lost, Jo. You've fallen right into my trap. We have your men surrounded, and I have you. There's nowhere to run to now," Minseong clicked his tongue.

Gyehyeon carefully set Y/n down before pulling a gun on Minseong, and Minseong did the same.

 "I wouldn't do that if I were you," Minseong warned. "My men will arrive any second and you'll be dead quicker than you can blink."

 "Worth a shot," Gyehyeon smirked, showing his proud and confident side. 

Minseong was about ready to fire when Gyehyeon ran towards him and fought to take possession of his gun, knowing it very well could be his demise if he wasn't careful.

 "Give it up Jo!" Minseong grunted as Gyehyeon pushed him to the ground, standing over him with his gun in hand. He seethed. "You always were stubborn."

Gyehyeon threw the gun out of a nearby window. "You'll pay dearly for what you've done to Y/n." 

 "Will I now?" Minseong raised a brow.

 Gyehyeon had had enough. Angrily, he dealt a severe blow to Minseong's stomach. Than a punch to his face. And another. And another. He beat him mercilessly, only thinking about how much he hated him for what he did to the person he loved more than anything else in the world.

Blood dripped down Minseong's face. His eyes were wide as his breathing became labored. He was too weak to fight back. "Maybe I underestimated you Jo," he chuckled, coughing up a surplus of blood, signaling he wasn't going to live though this. "I like your fiery spirit. Don't let that bitch of a girl soften you up."

 Those words fueled his fire, causing him to grab his gun and shoot him, at least ten times, until he knew he was dead. And so blinded by his hate, he nearly forgot about the one he loved, nearly dead as she laid against a wall, calling out his own name. "Gyehyeon..."

 " Y/n," he gasped, running to her side. "I'm getting you out of here love. Just hang on."

 he picked her up again and kissed her head before leaving the room. And surprisingly, he managed to slip past many of the Pythons. Until he reached the entrance.

 "Not so fast Jo," one of the guards halted. "What did you do to Minseong?" He wondered, realizing Gyehyeon should've been dead by now.

 "Well you see," Gyehyeon began, but he was interrupted by gunshots ringing out. And it was a wonderful sound. Calvary had arrived. Also known as, an ally gang, Cix. 

 "Gyehyeon! Get out of there!" Yelled Jinyoung as he shot with skillful aim at the enemy.

Gyehyeon rushed through the flying bullets, dodging them all, except one. Because the guard he was just talking to, wouldn't let him escape. At least not unscathed. A bullet lodged itself into Gyehyeon's side, causing him to yell out in pain. He stumbled, but he carried on, for Y/n's sake. And when they were safe in their getaway car with Yongseung, he grasped his side tightly, setting Y/n down beside him in the backseat. 

Then were the last words Gyehyeon and Y/n heard before their vision faded to black. 

"Just hold on you two. Just hold on."

~~~~~

It's been a year since that day. And Gyehyeon and Y/n couldn't be happier. Living in a new country, in a new apartment, beginning a new life. Yes, Gyehyeon gave up the life of a mafia to become a song producer.

Gyehyeon hummed to himself as he made Y/n and himself some dinner. Their favorite meal in fact. Usually Y/n made it, but she was busy all day helping plan their wedding in a few weeks. 

Y/n got up from the sofa and stretched. She went over to her fiancé. "Hey love," she greeted with a back hug.

 "Ahh," Gyehyeon flinched.

 "Oh sorry," she pouted, remembering his painful gun wound that still hurt, even as a scar.

 "It's alright," he smiled, turning around. He smirked when he looked down at her, loving the height difference. She wrapped her arms around his torso in a hug, and he gratefully returned it. 

 "I'm glad you came for me that day," she sighed, breathing in his scent.

 "I am too. And I did it for the same reason I'm marrying you."

[invisiblegarters]

Never Let Me Go Ep 10

Time for some angst on V-day! I am ready for it.

Oh. We're starting with Palm in the bath before Nueng left. Okay

then.

It's really sad that Palm is what? Eighteen? And he's sitting there berating himself for being unable to protect anyone. It feels like he wrapped so much of himself up in being able to take care of Nueng in particular that he doesn't know who he is outside of it.

Nueng is making sense here. Palm can't make protecting him his whole life. I don't actually blame him for taking off, to be honest. It's cliché but it also kind of feels like for the first time Nueng really is thinking about someone else first? He can be frustratingly selfish so this is actually a good thing in a way, although I'm not entirely sure just not being around Palm will keep him safe at this point. Kit has to know who he was with this whole time, and there's still the matter of all the dead people on the island. I expect he'll be back sooner than later.

Also, I'll admit I'm looking forward to watching Nueng face off with Kit. I do feel like he's got the sheer guts to do it, if maybe not the business acumen just yet.

Oooh, I do like that Nueng is pretending not to be onto Kit. Kit playing the concerned uncle cracks me up.

See, Kit should have endeared himself to Nueng from the very beginning and not been so blatantly after the business. If he had done that, maybe Nueng would have gone to him when everything went to hell in a handbasket and not immediately known that he could be the only one behind his mom's shooting. Ah, well. I don't think Kit would have been able to do that long term anyway.

Oh no, Tanya! I've missed her. But also I can't help but wonder how much an actor makes to just show up and pretend to be in a coma.

I am such a sucker for clothes sharing.

Look at Nueng learning how to be a real boy! Washing clothes and everything. They are ridiculously cute together when they're not busy being angsty little balls of angst, I will give them that.

Aw, okay. I will admit Nueng curling up on Palm's bed with his shirt got me.

Oooh, Nueng clearly means business now. He's got the leather jacket to prove it.

BE NICE TO CHOPPER, NUENG.

(I feel like he's not going to be nice to Chopper and it is going to annoy me)

Yeah, he is most definitely not going to be nice to Chopper. Dammit Nueng, he's a sweetheart, do not alienate him.

Okay, no. What is with everyone blaming Chopper for his dad? Okay, I know why. He's easier to get at. But he's so kind hearted that watching people go at him for not standing up to his father when none of them have either just bothers me. I admit that I'm biased though, and there's also the chance that if people keep pushing Chopper and telling him that he's just as evil as his old man by association that he might take the path of least resistance and decide screw it, I'll just be what everyone assumes.

I don't really believe that, but there's always the possibility.

Chopper is still my favorite. Be nice to my favorite, people (spoiler: no one is going to be nice to Chopper this episode).

Okay, Palm I think it's great that you trust Nueng but maybe do that when you're not on the back of a moving motorcycle.

Holy crap, is that a set of stairs in a Thai BL that can't kill you? What even is this?

Oh it's in the school. That makes sense, carry on.

Good for Ben for apologizing. It's a little too late, I suppose, since Nueng is way less vulnerable right now. I have to say that I like the way that Phuwin is playing him now. I don't think that the hard shell is all that thick, to be honest, but I like that he's visibly much harder than he used to be.

But I am glad that Ben is owning up to his own cowardice. I was feeling less than charitable towards him last week because I dislike anyone who hurts Chopper on principle (it’s not that complicated) but I admit I am kind of into how what he let happen with Nueng is sort of shaping everything he does now. He seems almost desperate to make up for it, which makes me wonder how long he’ll wait for Chopper to take care of Kit before he does something extremely dumb. 

I also like that he didn’t claim to still have feelings for Nueng, which was another worry of mine. 

Speaking of people hurting Chopper...we all knew that Chopper's dad was gonna go after Ben the second Chopper refused to toe the line. That poor kid. I worry about him more than I worry about just about anyone else. He’s more isolated right now than even Nueng. 

UGH CHANON. Why is your only thought about Palm wondering why he isn't taking care of Nueng? Can't you be a dad for five seconds, please? Like, a real one who's first priority isn't someone else's kid?

No, of course he can't. It is deeply ironic to me that Chanon basically sold himself to Nueng's family to save Palm's life, and now he expects Palm to lay that same life on the line for that family.

Palm's back! New that that the separation wasn't going to be for the whole episode. If Palm yells at him and really means it I will be so happy. Yell at him, Palm!

Nueng, do not offer to pay him off. My god.

Palm: I have a literal tattoo of your name on my body; we’re never breaking up.

Okay, the fact that Palm has been stalking Nueng this whole time and his bodyguards haven't even noticed is hilarious. Or maybe they were like "this kid seems fairly ineffectual, no threat here." Ha.

So Nueng's whole family just really sucks at hiring bodyguards. Where the hell were they while shady dude was just openly taking photos? Hire better people.

But also, I don't get the sinister music there. Of course Kit already knew about Palm, although I guess he might not have known just how close they were getting.

[shmegel]

My life is falling apart and for once it’s my fault. It was an accident, but it’s my fault because I can’t trust. I had reason to lose my trust, but I confided my fear in someone and now maybe I truly can’t trust anyone. Maybe I’m alone in my life now. Maybe that’s just how it is. Maybe things have been building to this because I’ve been suffering silently so badly. Maybe it’s happening because I’ve been traumatized. Maybe it was just bad timing. Maybe it’s all of the above. I feel like I’m drowning and I just want to love and trust everyone around me and have them love and trust me back. My intentions were pure, my love is so strong, but maybe that’s not enough to help people be okay. Maybe that’s not enough. Maybe I’m not enough. Maybe I really can’t help- I don’t even know what’s true anymore and I hate myself for it even though I know that loss of trust happened for a reason. If I’m nervous that someone is lying to me, then I’m either paranoid or I’m a sucker. How is that fair to anyone? Why does anyone feel the need to lie to me, especially people I care about? Why couldn’t I have just kept suffering in silence for a little longer, how do I know, maybe it would have gotten better in that time? I don’t think I’ve ever destroyed so much before, especially not with my good intentions. My heart aches. I just want the people I love not to die, is that such a crime??? I fight every day for my life and people around me are just falling apart and I’m not supposed to feel that ache in my soul? I’m not supposed to try my best to help them feel better? What am I supposed to do?

I might have just lost everyone I love most in a single day.

At least they’re alive, but I don’t think anyone wants me in their life anymore. I’ve been feeling that for a while, this gnawing knowledge that people are sick of me and would prefer that I wasn’t there.

I want the people I love in my life- desperately- but if I lose their friendship in my efforts to keep them alive, however misguided, then that may be better than the alternative. I would prefer alive acquaintances to dead friends any day.

I had to try, right? I’m sorry if I was wrong. I still don’t really truly know if I was wrong because there is honestly no way to know at this point, because I have believed so many lies then felt like I’d been stabbed in the gut later when I found out they were lies. My trust has been used against me, and my honesty has been used against me. Maybe it’s good that I’ve lost trust. Maybe it’s healthy- for now, while I don’t know if people are telling me the truth or not.

I don’t know. I love these people. That’s all I know. I love these people and they’re in so much pain and it wouldn’t be happening if it weren’t for a single text I sent just trying to stop my own pain. Maybe that was selfish. I don’t know. I don’t know anything anymore.

I think I’m alone. I don’t think anyone really knows me anymore and wants me in their lives without just being absolutely sick of me. Which is a horrible thing when everything I do is to help the people I love. I never let myself have any comfort for myself- the one time I send a single text expressing worry or disappointment and suddenly 15 years blow up in all of our faces.

I don’t want to lose them.

I’m terrified and I’m sad and I’m angry and I’m exhausted and I’m sick and I’m so incredibly scared.

15 years can’t really disappear in a night, right? I didn’t think it could. I didn’t think it ever would as a result of something I said, of me voicing my fears.

I wish today would just reverse and everyone would forget everything that happened. All of it. I would take it all back. I would kill to undo this day.

I’m lost and I’m alone and I hurt people I love while trying to protect them and myself.

I wish it wasn’t so hard to know what is true and what is a lie. I can’t believe anyone in my life would feel the need to lie to me so often, because they know I trust so deeply, and it happened so much until that trust just drained away. I don’t know what’s left.

I wish everyone knew that is the problem. I wish everyone understood my heart. I wish they knew where it is and where it’s been.

This group is one of the few things that has mattered to me in years, and it feels like it’s disappearing, and it’s partially my fault but mostly happening because of the reason behind my lost trust, the alcohol and the tricking me and the lies, and it feels like no one is willing to fight for it except for me.

And everyone just wants me to calm down when my world is falling apart. It is. I’m losing the people that have mattered most to me in my entire life, the people I assumed would grow old together provided we could all survive. These were supposed to be my forever people. None of this was supposed to happen. I hate alcohol for being behind any of this. I hate it now, I despise it, I never want to see it again because of what it did to my best friends and how much hurt it caused us all.

It really was supposed to be us forever, or as long as I could survive with my health. Or them with theirs, given the alcohol. I just don’t want to lose anyone but here we are. I’m lost.

This wasn’t supposed to happen. We were supposed to all get better in different ways together, lift each other up, and live our parallel lives supporting each other. None of this was supposed to happen.

I’m heartbroken, honestly.

[kurenkutted]

Welcome back to whoever may be reading so hi myself most likely. Do you ever just feel like you’re not supposed to be somewhere or anywhere or just alive in general. Some serious imposter syndrome exept I actually don’t belong anywhere at all I was about to die so many fucking times why didn’t any one of them fucking take me out. By my own hands or being a fucked up kid. I wasn’t even supposed to be fucking born. I shoulda fucking died too not just my brother. I go anywhere and i dont fucking belong I get looks like I should just fucking die and I wish I just fucking would. At least something cuz fuck not even my girlfriend wants to deal with me anymore. I can never make decisions im sorry about being so unsure about myself after getting out down about everything so fucking much. And yeah I’m not over the fact that you were fucking sexting your online “friend” but fuck that fucking hurts wtf and cheating on me? Whenever you were mad at me about just being unsure if you even wanted to be with me. I didn’t stop it because I was in fucking denial about and didn’t fucking think you’d ever do that. When I fucking trusted you. I don’t know why I trust anyone anymore. No one’s good no one gives a shit anymore. Why should I. Why can’t I be fucking selfish I’m sorry I know I’m also fucking brain dead and stupid I don’t want to listen to my own fucking thoughts anymore. All they do is yell at me and tell me how shitty I am of a person a worker a boyfriend and sibling and child in fucking general. Oh I guess I can just veiw life positivity yeah well I tried that and whenever it happens the world is like no fuck you you’re not supposed to be happy you dumb shit. I’m supposed to be fucking dead. I’ve been wanting to be dead since I knew what being dead was. I don’t want to try anymore. This country is so fucked too, I can try and help but I’m so fucking useless whenever I get so depressed and it can happen for months and then I get anxious after that about being depression and not doing anything and worrying about everything then remembering that I don’t deserve a peaceful life why would I?? I might be nice just to cover up the fact how shitty of a person I am. I never do anything good I can’t even think good. My brain doesn’t even fucking work man. Why can’t I just stop it? I swear it’ll be so much easier. It’ll be so much nicer for everyone involved for not having me alive. I can sleep forever and not worry about hearing my brain say shit or having me mess up something else again. I dunno I always say I’m done but I never go through with it. Im a fucking pussy too. I want to go through with it but the medical bills and all that would be really fucked. I dunno I’ll just hit my head a good amount of times till It shuts up or I pass out. Goodnight

[sniigura-archive]

where are you? (i don’t want to die alone)

all might/reader platonic

your father was the number one hero, and you were happy for him! it just hurts that he is constantly busy with his hero work, and with his new son.

this is me re doing „why can’t you see me?“ it will be series again but i will actually work on it this time i swear.

warnings: mentions of child abuse, child neglect. referenced suicide and self harm. dead mother. implied mental health issues. tell me if i need to tag anything else.

you could never quite decide if your life was actually bad, or if you were just..too sensitive. too selfish, too emotional, deserving of your fate.

(but you’re just a child, you’re nearly an adult. you will never be as old as you were when you were 8)

well, maybe there was an emergency. you were lying to yourself, like you did since the day he got custody of you. it´s your birthday, and you’re 17 now. one year left, then adulthood starts.

and father dearest promised that he would be there, there to meet you in the city to go out and eat. to visit your favourite restaurant. he’s now one hour and 28 minutes late….maybe you will just give up. you still could grab something to eat, something to take home with you.

taking one last glance at your phone (because maybe he texted back, maybe he called.) and the blank space of the notifications was mockingly starring at you. the fbi agent in your phone was probably making fun of you. (he never texts, he never calls. leaving you on read was like his hobby).

sighing you started walking to the restaurant. it was late already, it was dark and it was winter. new year passed by you. you slept through the fireworks. the explosion sound sends you back to a time before all might, when it was just you and your mother.

times like these make you wish you were with your mother (you aren’t sure if you want her to be alive, or if you want to share a grave with her.) maybe, you’re meant for pain. disappointment seems like a common theme in your life at this point. honestly, you should become a villain.

your father was sitting there, at your favourite restaurant with fucking izuku midoriya.

well! you didn’t want to enjoy your birthday anyways! birthdays are overrated and so are you, apparently. taking deep breathes to calm down yourself, you turned away and started walking home. you felt like throwing up. with shaky hands you unlocked your phone. god, you just wanted to lose it. to text your father, to tell him you will kill him, yourself, izuku, all of japan.

gathering all of your self control, you successfully shut off your phone without texting anyone. its not izuku fault that your father sucks. but jealousy is a disease and so is envy, and it was spreading through your body. you wanted nothing more than to lash out, to drown in your hate.

is it your fault? (yesnoyesnoyesnoyesnoyesnoyesyesyesyesyes)

dropping dead sounds fucking good right now, but you were aware that your father would even miss your funeral. which is honestly embarrassing for you. caring so much for a man who could care less for you.

is it because you’re not his successor? should you have swallowed hair and smile all the time? yeah, no thanks. you saw what he saved izukus contact as. midoriya my boy. thinking about it, he probably didn’t even save your number. stupid bastard. next time you see him you will kick him in his non existent stomache.

once again, you angrily unlocked your phone and blocked your father. it was only one sided conversations anyways. reaching your home, you unlocked the front door of the apartment complex and quickly walked upstairs. reaching your door, with shaking hands you tried to get the key into the lock and fuck- why won’t it get in?

with that final thought you kicked the door, again and again and again. you sat down in front of your door and just let the tears flow. your neighbours seeing you breakdown is the least of your worries right now. tomorrow you will die of embarrassment though.

making sure that your face was covered you just cried. like a child who did not get a new toy from the store. its actually quite sad that you see your own fathers attention as a luxury and not as a necessaty. didn’t babies die without attention, even if you feed them?

hearing someone walk past you, you tried to calm down your breathing. you were still hiding behind your hands.

„ah, happy birthday, youngling“ it was your neighbour, an old lady who used to babysit you.

your „thank you“ was muffled behind your hands. you hate your birthday, that’s why you didn’t bother telling anyone the date. only a few knew, and you preferred it that way. there was heavy silence, before she decided to move on. to probably spy on you through her door.

once you were sure she left, you removed your hands. another try at opening your door.

who would have thought, you used the wrong key. great. you will not leave your house for another week. being alive is too embarrassing.

finally being home, you removed your shoes and jacket. after that, you walked into your room, locked the door and flopped down into your bed. maybe you should change the locks of your apartment door and see what happens. for fun.

you’re tired tho, so you will sleep now.

…man you were hungry.

[justauthoring]

The Long Wait

Prompt: Eventually, the hoping became too much to bare. Requested by: no one.

A/N: This is basically a remake of this fic -- upon re-watching the GMG arc with my mom, I couldn’t help but look back at this fic and realize how much more I could’ve done with it. Thus, this was born. Pairing: Gray Fullbuster x F!Reader

“What do you mean you’re leaving?”

Keeping your gaze trained to the ground, you absolutely refuse to look up -- because you know that if you did, your heart would break all over again.

“I’m sorry,” you mumble, words jumbled together, voice quiet that if the guild hall was so completely silent, they definitely wouldn’t have heard you. But they do, and they falter at the way you sound so absolutely broken. And of course, all of them were, but there was something different about the way you sounded -- it was like you were defeated. 

Macao steps towards her, you hear it rather then see it, and can imagine his hand stretched out towards you, trying to placate you. “Y/N, we understand--” and he halts, voice catching in the back of his throat. “We understand more then anyone how you feel, but--”

“It’s different.” You find yourself cutting in, voice sharp, and you wince at yourself because you sound so incredibly selfish and rude. Who were you to say that your pain was any different from theirs? Any worse? But, still, you continue, your emotions getting the better of you. “It’s just... different. I... I can’t be here knowing they’re... he’s gone.”

“Y/N-nee, we don’t know that they’re gone!”

Your eyes fall shut at the sound of Romeo’s voice.

“We have to keep searching for them,” he argues, defiant, adamantly shaking his head. “They’re somewhere out there, I know that. And Gray wouldn’t--”

“They’re gone,” you hiss, interrupting him and finally glancing up to regard your friends, your family. They rear back at your harsh words, and that guilt festers even deeper inside of your chest, with the way they’re looking at you. Jet and Droy look near tears, and you know they’re thinking of Levy. And Bisca and Alzack look in shock at your outburst, you’re usually so quiet and calm. Macao looks angry, and the rest just stare at you, varying reactions that all mesh together.

Because really, it’s the way Romeo looks at you, still so young, so full hope as your words basically slap him in the face.

But you’re too far gone now, and there’s no stopping you.

“It’s been two years,” you continue, voice softer but still cutting, still hurtful. “They’re not coming back. They’re never coming back.”

He’s never coming back.

They don’t respond. No one argues, even if some look like they might. Maybe they’re understanding, maybe they’re finally getting it -- it’s been too long now and no one from the island is coming back. You’d been hopeful at first, you’d been like Romeo -- you’d refused to lose hope. But your heart is broken and there’s no mending it and you can’t keep staring at those doors all day expecting, hoping, praying that he’ll walk through them only for him never to.

So, you turn, nothing but a soft, sorrowful, pathetic apology leaving your lips as you turn your backs on your friends and leave them.

And as you turn, you see his familiar face, the dark black of his hair, that drawling smirk on his lips, and his cold, but always soft when directed at you eyes looking at you, but when you blink, he’s gone.

-

You huff at the weight dropped around your shoulders, inhaling deeply when you see a familiar puff of blonde hair.

“Did you hear?”

You don’t need to ask what he means. It’s pretty obvious.

“Fairy Tail will be competing again this year.”

When you turn to look at Sting, he’s smirking -- all bright eyed and giddy, and you hold back your own snark as you regard him with a small nod. Sting was one of the few to know of the fact that you used to be part of Fairy Tail -- him and Rogue, given that they were the ones who recruited you, and then the master as well.

It wasn’t news you were eager for everyone to know. Fairy Tail was a laughing stock in all respects now, but Sabertooth seemed to have a particular fondness of mocking the way the guild had fallen. And it was easy to hide you’d ever been apart of it given you hadn’t been a particularly well-known mage back when you’d been a member. Your powers were relatively new, and with, regrettably, the help of the Twin Dragon slayers you’d definitely grown in aspects of strength.

Three years since you’d joined Sabertooth -- two years of training on your own, and three of being surrounded by much stronger mages had you adapting and constantly changing. You were practically unrecognizable.

You were known at Y/N of Sabertooth now, and it was like the Y/N of Fairy Tail never even existed at all.

“I’m surprised,” you hum, shifting as Sting moves to take a seat next to you, still whilst having an arm draped over your arm. You blink at the sudden arrival of Rogue, not having heard him, as he takes a seat in front of you, before continuing. “They weren’t in it last year, or the year before if I remember. After finishing last every year before.”

You hadn’t been apart of Sabertooth’s team, but you do remember watching.

It had been... hard, to say the least.

“Ah, well, this year they have a new team.” Rogue explains blandly.

“New members, you should say,” Sting smirks.

Brows furrowed, you shake your head at their words, confusion flooding at you at the particular gleefulness of Sting’s expression. He always got a kick out of embarrassing other teams, not even just Fairy Tail, but there was something different about the way his eyes sparkled.

Sting meets your gaze, and without wavering, adds; “or should I say, old?”

Your breath catches, and even as your mind starts spinning, you’re all too aware of the way both Sting and Rogue are watching you carefully.

You turn from Rogue to Sting, and absolutely hate the gleam in the latter’s eyes as he smirks down at you. Keeping a tight hold on you, he pulls you closer, leaning until he’s a breaths away; “it’s a good thing I managed to convince the Master to let you on the team this year, Y/N,” he grins widely, “you’ll get to reunite with your old pales.”

That... that couldn’t be possible.

They were--They were dead. They are dead.

“I... I need some fresh air.” Shoving Sting’s arm off of you, you ignore his calls and his merciless laughter as you stock out the guild doors, bypassing Minerva which you know will get you in shit later. You don’t really care in that moment, you can’t even think straight, you need air. 

You need to breathe.

Sting must be lying. He has to be lying. There’s... they were dead, it’s been seven years.

Seven years.

How... why now? Why after all this time?

And you convince yourself he isn’t lying. You ignore Sting every time he tries to talk to you, and focus on training. It would be no good if you failed since you were on the roster this year -- Master would kill you if you failed to impress him and keep Sabertooth at the very top. And it’s easy enough to do, spend all your time training, pushing yourself to the brink, until it’s a few days before the games and you realize, Sting wasn’t lying.

You’d been trying to ignore it, ignore the urge, but eventually you give in and find yourself in the city of Magnolia. A place you haven’t been in a long time.

Fairy Tail’s location had changed, but you’d made sure to keep tabs on them. You never showed your face, mainly because you knew that in the end, you’d betrayed your friends. In their eyes, you assumed, you were the enemy, a traitor. You’d left them, left your guild in a time they’d needed you most, and almost instantly regretted it.

But every time you tried to go back, every time you made your way towards those doors, you’d remember the words you’d said -- “They’re not coming back. They’re never coming back.” -- and, like a coward, you were never able to face them.

From the moment you’d left, all you’d wanted to do was go back but it was too late for that now. And so you settled for keeping tabs, helping them where you could, always in secret -- you knew how they owed money, and you didn’t have a lot, but you always anonymously send some the guild’s way in hopes of helping. Sabertooth would kill you if they found out, specifically Sting, but it was your way of repaying all the hurt you must’ve caused them.

It’s why you know their new location. And, without even being there for more then five minutes, you see them.

A blue flying cat, followed by a white one, a tuff of pink hair, red hair, blue hair, blonde and most importantly, him. His dark hair, the fact that nothing’s changed and he looks exactly like he had those seven years ago when you’d wished him good luck on the S Class competition, and pressed a shy, chaste kiss to his cheek, the two of you blushing madly as he left, waving you goodbye.

But, they were there. He was there.

-

“And last but certainly not least, is the team that came first in the preliminaries... that’s right, you know them, you love them! Now, get on your feet and scream for the most powerful guild in all Fiore! The one and only, Sabertooth!”

You wince at the cheering, two steps behind everyone else as Sting makes his grand entrance, looking thoroughly most pleased and proud of himself then anyone else. However, even you can see the smirk on Rufus’ and Orga’s face. 

If anything, it’s you and Rogue that don’t look all that excited.

And you, for a specific reason. One that stares you right in the face the second you walk into the arena.

Elfman, Erza, Lucy, Natsu, but more importantly, Gray all look at you the second your team arrives. You can even feel Fairy Tail team B, and the rest of the guild up in the stands watching you and only you. You also notice with disdain that Sting had purposefully made way for you to be seen, even if you hadn’t been that hidden, you would’ve rather remained in the shadows.

That, and you’re not exactly sure what to say as they all stare at you.

“Y/N?!”

It’s Natsu who yells it, but it’s Lucy who steps towards you, baffled and confused; “Y/N, what’re you...”

But you only lower your gaze, eyes falling shut as Sting pulls you into his side, laughing loudly. “What a reunion!” He cheers, pumping his fist in the air, before turning to you. “Isn’t it so great to see all your old guildmates, Y/N?”

You meet their eyes, just as the announcer calls out;

“What’s this? A reunion? Could it be perhaps that Sabertooth’s own Y/N Y/L/N was once a member of Fairy Tail? What a twist on her debut in the Grand Magic Games!”

“This is so not man...”

Turning your head at the sound of Elfman’s voice, your breath catches in the back of your throat.

“Elfman,” Erza says sharply, pulling your eyes back on her and thus the rest of them, noticing with a thick swallow the way her eyes have never left your own. “I’m sure Y/N has her reasons.”

But as she stares at you, waiting for you to say something, you simply turn, walking off.

“I didn’t know you used to be in Fairy Tail,” Rufus drawls to you when you pass him, and your shoulders tighten.

That’s right... now, everyone knew.

“You never needed to know,” you say simply.

“Y/N.”

“It seems Fairy Tail’s Team A Gray Fullbuster approaches Sabertooth’s own Y/N Y/L/N, and the crowd watches in anticipation at the clear tension amongst the two of them--.”

Everything freezes. Shoulders tensing, you slowly turn, meeting Gray’s eyes -- the one you’d been specifically avoiding.

“We won’t lose.”

I know, you want to say. I don’t want you to, you want to tell him. I want Fairy Tail to win, you want to plead. But instead, knowing the eyes that watch you, you simply say; “neither will Sabertooth.”

-

This had to be some cruel joke.

Your punishment, maybe.

Sabertooth’s Y/N Y/L/N versus Fairy Tail’s Team A Gray Fullbuster

That’s what the board said, that what that God awful announcer calls with clear joy in his voice -- your first battle, the second day of the Games, and this way the turn out.

There was no way you’d win. 

Ignoring the fact that you had no doubt Gray was stronger then you -- you simply just couldn’t. You wouldn’t. Not against Fairy Tail and certainly not against Gray.

“Good luck, Y/N,” Sting calls as you move to make your way towards the arena. “Though I doubt you’ll need it.”

You hate his words, hate the way he knows, hate the way he seems to get such joy out of everything that had happened. This was his fault. His fucking fault that you were here, and that this was happening.

Though, of course, even you knew that was true.

“Sabertooth’s Y/N Y/L/N has never been apart of Sabertooth’s team, but we can expect something great from Fiore’s strongest guild, needless to say. Do you know anything about Y/N Y/L/N, Yajima-san?”

“I don’t know much about Y/’N now, but in her Fairy Tail days, she never really made a name for herself, but I do distinctly remember her powers being incredibly unique.”

“Ah! A mystery then. And of course, Fairy Tail’s Gray Fullbuster is a Ice Wizard, but after his performance in day one’s Hidden Competition, the crowd’s not too sure what to expect. Nonetheless, it should be an intense match between old guildmates now turned enemy’s.”

“Shut up,” you hiss to yourself, nails digging into the palm of your hands.

“Ah, I see you’re just as chipper as you used to be.”

Swallowing thickly, you inhale sharply as Gray comes to a stop a few feet before you. It’s closest you’ve been to him since that first day, and more importantly, then in seven years. You’d already known since that day, but he really does look exactly like he had that day. Hasn’t aged a day. You don’t know the story, you don’t know how he’s back, but you know you’ve heard the term ‘seven year blank’ echoing around.

That makes more sense as you stare at him now.

Still eighteen, you’re now older then him then a year younger like you had been before. 

Remaining silent, your head tilts back, where you know Sabertooth is, chest tightening.

“Y/N.”

Turning to Gray at the sound of your name, your lips part when you noticed the way his eyes have softened, even if only a little, like he caught something in the past moment you’d turned away from him. He looks so much more... concerned then he had the first day, and that was only yesterday. When he’d called for you, he’d looked so angry...

Now, he only looked worried.

“What happened?”

Swallowing thickly, you try to appear unbothered. “I left.”

“There’s more to it, I know there is,” Gray shakes his head, “the others told us about the day--”

Eyes clenching shut, a simply jerk of your head has Gray flying back. It causes a roar of gasps, surprise and anticipation in the thought that the fight is finally starting. But you know, unlike them, that it won’t get farther then that -- at least not from your end.

Gray hisses, slowly crawling to his feet, before he smirks at you; “you’ve gotten strong.”

“It’s been seven years.”

“Still,” he shrugs, stopping before you once again. “You have control now.”

You shrug, mimicking him with a smirk, “it’s been seven years.”

However, the facade falls all too quick when he takes a step towards you. Your body tenses, fists clenching as he continues to make his way towards you until he’s directly before you. He eyes you for a moment, quiet, carefully, and you nearly break then and there.

“It may have been seven years, but I know you best,” he whispers, voice low, “I know you’re lying.”

You shake your head, pushing his words away from your thoughts; “attack me.”

And he blinks, surprised; “what?”

“I need you to attack me,” you repeat, keeping your eyes trained downwards, refusing to meet his eyes. “I... I just need you to.”

And part of you expects him to -- you deserve it, you know, after all you’d done.

But, a second later, Gray’s stepping back, pulling your wide eyes on him as he shakes his head; “Fairy Tail doesn’t attack their own friends, Y/N. You know that.” And your breath hitches when his hand moves to raise.

“No!” You yell, before you can help yourself, eyes flashing a bright gold, like they had seconds before, holding Gray’s arm in place as he blinks back at you. Letting out a soft whimper, one you hope he doesn’t hear, you hold his arm in place, eyes falling shut as your own arm raises, the crowd falling eerily silent.

“I give up.”

And you knew, even as you feel the glares on your back, that there really wasn’t any other outcome that could’ve happened. You’d never hurt Gray, you knew, and you refused to hurt Fairy Tail anymore.

You were destined to lose this match.

-

“What’s so special about those fairies, huh?”

Wincing, you gasp at the squeeze on your throat, trying to suck in air that won’t come as your eyes fall on Sting’s own narrowed ones, glaring down at you. The brick of the wall behind you bites into your skin, and you know his grip will leave bruises, but even as you gasp for air and it feels like your vision is closing in on you, you have no regrets.

You never would, even if it’ll get you killed.

“What’s so fucking special about them?”

You refuse to respond, even if Sting wasn’t blocking off your air way you wouldn’t. Even if you could easily knock him away, send him flying, you don’t -- you’ll only pay for it more later.

“What’s so special about him?!”

He drops you then, and you fall to your knees with a thud, a cry leaving your lips as he sends a sharp kick to your gut, causing you to double over. It takes you a moment, a solid minute to catch your breath, and even then you’re still gasping, voice raspy as you raise your chin, eyes narrowing as you say the words you’ve been wanting to say to Sting for years.

“Fairy Tail is the guild Sabertooth could never be,” you hiss, your voice pathetic but your gaze menacing. “And Gray is a better man than you’ll ever be. All of them are. You’ll never be as good as Natsu.” You hit him where you know it hurts, the words having been on the tip of your tongue for years but you’d always held back in fear of what would happen.

Well, you’re no longer afraid. You’re too far gone now.

Sting’s eyes narrow and his face twists, ready to explode, before he breathes, and a smirk curls onto his lips. “You’ll never be apart of your pathetic guild again,” he hisses, “you’ll be stuck in Sabertooth for the rest of your life. Only, Master will make sure your life is a living hell.”

He sends another sharp kick at your side, but says nothing more as he turns, walking off with a huff.

It takes you a moment to gather yourself, slowly pushing yourself up to your knees where you stay, chest heaving, the pain radiating across your entire body, fingers finding your neck and touching the offended skin gently as you hiss in response.

You didn’t regret surrendering, but you couldn’t help but be terrified of what would happen when you walked into the inn that night.

You never should’ve left Fairy Tail. It was a regret you’d probably take to your grave.

“We actually have points thanks to you.”

Blinking at the sound of Gray’s voice, you slowly glance up at him, arm still wrapped tightly around your stomach as you stare up at him.

“I’m glad,” you whisper, smiling gently, “Fairy Tail deserves to win.”

Gray sighs, and stepping towards you, he reaches a hand out; “here,” he says softly, voice a mere whisper. You meet his eyes, before glancing at his hand for a moment, slowly slipping your own in it. He helps you to your feet, holding you up as you waver, hissing in pain, and then, before you know it, before you can even help yourself, you fall against him, forehead pressing against his shoulder as you let out a whimper.

“You know,” Gray says after a moment, “I still remember that kiss.”

Shaking your head, you let out a quiet, somewhat forced laugh.

“What happened, Y/N?”

“You were gone,” you whisper, finally answering. “You all were, but you were too. And... And I couldn’t handle staring at those doors everyday waiting for you to walk through them, only for you never to.” Pulling back, you meet his eyes, “I love you, I wanted to tell you that day, and it crushed me that I never did.”

Hands falling on your waist, Gray shakes his head; “no one would tell me where you were when we came back. It’s like every time I asked, this look would come over them and everyone would fall silent. When I learned it had been seven years, I wanted to see you first and tell you... tell you, I love you too.”

Biting your lip, “it’s too late,” you whisper. “The others must hate me and I... Sting will never let me leave.”

Gray’s grip tightens. “They don’t hate you, Y/N. Everyone misses you. I miss you,” and then, he shifts, cupping your cheek to pull your eyes on his own again. “I need you to come back.”

“But... Sting--”

“We’ll figure it out, Master will figure it out,” Gray argues, shaking his head. “The Guild needs you. I need you.”

Lips parting, you try to find the words, only to realize there are none. So, instead, you simply fall into his arms, holding him tight against you and hold on to his promise.

[makeste]

have you noticed in the latest chapter the light is gone from Izuku's eyes? The same way it was gone from Katsuki's between his rescue and Deku vs Kacchan 2 fight. Izuku is hurting inside and im sitting here wondering how long will it be til he hits breaking point

so I’m late in answering these two asks (got them last week after 309 came out) because a certain someone had his birthday and so I was busy reading fanfic and hunting down gremlin faces, and then 310 came along and so I got distracted with that, and also I just suck at answering asks. but anyways, yes. yes to all of this, and thank you both for pointing this out. like, let’s talk about this. because this is how Deku’s eyes look normally,

and this is him in the latest chapter.

first of all, this is really well-played imo, because it’s all about consistency. it’s a very subtle change (or at least I thought it was lol), and the reason it’s so effective is because Horikoshi is so consistent in drawing the “normal” bright-eyed Deku look that you can’t help but notice the change when he suddenly stops. even if you can’t necessarily put your finger on exactly what’s off at first, I think most people definitely got that feeling of something being wrong. and that’s very deliberate.

so why is this important? well because a lot of people’s big fear right now is that the story is tacitly endorsing Deku’s recent choices and painting them as right/correct. namely, people are worried that this whole thing with Deku striking off on his own (because let’s be real, that’s exactly what he’s done; it doesn’t matter that All Might and the Hawksquad are accompanying him, because he’s clearly keeping his distance from them and is ready to give them the slip the moment things get bad) is going to be framed as The Right Decision Which Is Best For Everyone. and for a lot of people, that comes as a betrayal, because up until this point the series has espoused teamwork and trust as core virtues, and what Deku is doing right now is basically the opposite of that.

and this is why little details like the Despondent Eyes of Angst and Despair (or D.E.A.D. eyes for short) are so important -- because they signal to us that this is not the case. they are a very clear visual indicator that in spite of him appearing to have his shit together, Deku is very much not okay right now. like, let me just repeat that one more time: Deku is not fine. Deku is very much not fine here at all. Despondent Eyes of Angst and Despair are not just a little thing to be ignored. D.E.A.D. eyes are a dead giveaway that a character is Going Through It and is not in the right state of mind right now and needs help. but before I start spamming this post with images, let me add a read more cut.

okay, so! case in point,

Nana’s eyes normally:

vs. Nana’s eyes when she’s talking about potentially killing her grandson in order to defeat AFO:

Iida’s eyes normally:

vs. Iida’s eyes when he’s plotting premeditated murder to avenge his brother:

and again, Deku’s eyes normally:

vs. Deku’s eyes in chapters 306 through 310:

Deku’s eyes were still clear all the way up through chapter 305 when he was talking to the Vestiges about wanting to save Tomura. in fact, they were clear af when he was giving his speeches about that, because that light in his eyes always shines brightest when he’s speaking and acting with true conviction. it’s one of the ways the art shows us how determined he is. when Deku talks about saving people no matter what, he’s speaking straight from the heart about one of the core principles of his character, and the look in his eyes reflects that.

now contrast that against the look in his eyes when he talks about not wanting anyone else to get hurt:

once you see it, you can’t not see it. it’s Horikoshi’s way of showing that even though it may sound like the Same Old Deku on the surface, it absolutely is not the Deku we’ve come to know and love. something is deeply wrong. even though these might appear to be the same old convictions he’s always had -- protect everyone at all costs -- he’s gone from acting out of belief and principle to acting out of fear. he’s afraid of someone else getting hurt because of him. he’s so afraid that he’s pushing people away left and right to stop it from happening again. and that fear is holding him back, because as long as he’s holding himself apart from everyone else and trying to do it all solo, he’s making the same mistake that All Might once did. no one can bear all of that weight on their shoulders alone. AFO isn’t someone who can be defeated by any one person alone. the only way he’s ever going to be defeated is if the characters hold true to the one ideal that’s at the very core of the series: one for all. the combined strength of many, working together to overcome the selfish, arrogant, limited strength of one.

basically, this right here is why I haven’t been concerned about the story suddenly veering off the rails with this latest development. like, this isn’t Our Lord And Savior Deku being put on a pedestal and worshipped while all the other characters are shoved aside. this is Literally-Still-Just-A-Child Deku having an angst spiral while the distracted adults around him try their best to keep an eye on him but kind of suck at it because there’s too much other stuff going on that they’re also trying to deal with. All Might could be the one to help him in theory, but in practice he’s too accommodating and doesn’t really know how to say ‘no’ to this kid he loves like his own son, and right now he’s basically letting Deku walk all over him. as for the Vestiges, they’re great for helping Deku in battle, but well, how do I put this lol. basically I’m not fully sold on trusting Deku’s mental health to a bunch of angst-ridden martyrs who all died willingly in order to further the cause of taking AFO down. not really the best life coaches, there.

but you know who I do trust to finally get through to Deku and get him to see reason and start having faith in others again?

these guys.

so yeah. tl;dr, Deku isn’t okay right now and we’re not meant to think he is. and unless I’m way off base, this is going to be a very temporary arrangement. I don’t think Deku can continue as he is right now indefinitely. saving others has been his whole thing since the very start of the manga, but like everything else, eventually it has to come full circle. and I think that very soon, it’s finally going to be his turn to be saved. luckily for him, he’s got some good (and determined) friends. and as they say, giving help that’s not asked for is part of what makes a true hero.

[roostertuftart]

Hey, apologies if you’ve covered this particular thing before but one of the arguments against Kyle in ygo/ab is that in it apparently he can hang out with the fascist, abusive pos he’s dealt with most of his life but not Stan. I have my own halfbaked rebuttals to this idea, but you’re generally better with this kind of thing so thoughts?

Hhhh god this take is so painfully frustrating. I have already kind of gone loosely over it here as well as expanded on other stuff related to this topic.

But yes here we gooooo

Kyle didn’t abandon Stan in You’re Getting Old and Assburgers and I’m honestly really disturbed at how so many people in this fandom seem to think Stan is somehow entitled to Kyle’s constant affection and presence as well as believing that because someone is depressed, you must entirely disregard your mental health and happiness to put them first, even if they behave extremely unpleasantly and treat you poorly because of their mental illness. I’m not here to say that Stan is a bad person or somehow the real villain of these episodes- He’s NOT. He’s a child suffering with depression and it leads to him acting in ways that are hurtful to others because he doesn’t understand his poor mental health and isn’t being given the support and help he needs from his family and medical professionals. I also don’t think that the people pushing this idea actually BELIEVE that you have to put your own mental wellbeing aside for others in favor of theirs- At least not the vast majority of them. But somehow the fandom has became so utterly blinded by this idea because we only see the episode from Stan’s perspective and the fandom itself has just sort of skewed the general idea around the episode in ways that are blatantly untrue to what actually happened in it and it’s lead to people carrying on these annoying brain dead takes. 

I’m going to go over YGO and AB again in less detail than I have in the past- The link I sent has a lot of script backing up my information but I’m going to try going over it again here.

In You’re Getting Old, we see Stan increasingly struggling throughout the episode with his mental health as he falls into a deep depression. He suddenly can’t find joy in anything he used to and is frustrated and upset because of it. The only thing that does give him an inkling of happiness is being with his friends, but he can’t help but continue to complain and vent about anything the boys are doing no matter how hard they (particularly Kyle) tries to find ways to make him feel better and different things that he might enjoy. In the episodes, Stan isn’t just sad and mopey, he constantly talks about how shitty everything his friends find interest in is, making his problems everyone else’s. Once again, I do NOT think this is because Stan is a bad or selfish or mean person, nor do I think it’s fair to hold this behavior against him. He’s ten, he’s never had this problem before nor does he understand why he does. He’s frustrated and sad and the only thing that seems to improve his hurt feelings is to loudly tell everyone how unhappy he is and justify why things are making him unhappy by calling them bad. His behavior is extremely relatable and sympathetic I think to almost anyone who’s been depressed, myself included. 

BUT. I ask you to also look at the episode from KYLE’S PERSPECTIVE. Stan’s birthday passes and suddenly, nothing he does makes his best friend happy. Everything he likes and enjoys is called shitty and bad and stupid and he feels utterly helpless to fix these problems that are far out of his control or understanding. And somehow forgotten by the fandom, Kyle DOES TRY. A LOT. But like Stan, he is only TEN. There is only so much he can do, and he can’t understand or relate to the pain Stan is feeling. He doesn’t know how to fix it, and knowing how frustrated Kyle gets in other cases when he can’t fix or help something, he’s probably feeling entirely helpless and irritated towards himself that he can’t solve Stan’s problems. There’s not really any sign Kyle doesn’t care about Stan suddenly because Stan is “no longer fun” or something like that. He just can’t really fix him??? And it’s not fair to put that on Kyle’s shoulders alone?? 

We don’t know how much time goes on between this last scene and the next when Stan catches his friends hanging out without him after pretending to be sick, but honestly I don’t really think it matters. The point is that Stan is understandably hurt to find that his friends don’t want to hang out with him as much as they used to, but I don’t think that is something he’s entitled to? Like, you’re not entitled to the constant attention of other people no matter what you’re going through, and they’re allowed to have space from you if they want it even if it’s because they’re struggling to handle your mental health. Can this come off as cold and cruel? I think so in some cases. I do agree that just abandoning a friend because of their sudden switch in mental health would be a bit nasty even if it’s entirely someone’s right, but that isn’t even what happened despite how hard the fandom tries to argue this. 

In this scene, Kyle admits guiltily that he did lie about being sick because he needed a break and wanted to enjoy something without being constantly told everything he likes is shitty is bad. It makes sense he wouldn’t tell Stan- He knew this would only hurt him even though it’s completely fair of him to want some space. Kyle’s words here aren’t the most eloquent, but I remind you that he is a child who doesn’t understand what Stan is going through. He’s not mean, he’s blunt, and while he could’ve been nicer, I don’t think it’s fair to hold it against him considering his age and understanding of the situation. 

Stan is hurt that his friends don’t want to not be around him. Kyle tells him quickly that it’s just one movie, and I don’t think it’s fair to assume Kyle is lying here considering more information we learn later. Stan begs to join them. Kyle tells him he can as long as he doesn’t complain the whole time. Stan proceeds to complain while watching despite his friends asking him to stop over and over again, and Kyle, finally fed up, storms out followed by Cartman and Kenny. Stan follows and is told by Cartman that they don’t want to hang out with him anymore, and then he and Kenny leave. In both the scene where Stan catches his friends lying and this one, Kenny and Cartman leave the moment Stan confronts them with little to no concern as to how Stan’s feeling or ever trying to mend the situation or explain themselves. I’m only noting this because I find it really funny that the fandom tries so hard to villainize Kyle as somehow being the worst friend ever in this episode but Kenny McCormick is never at all mentioned for how quick he was to completely drop Stan- Way quicker than Kyle who never even fully does so. I’ve even seen people try to make Kenny mad at Kyle for these episodes or critical towards him??? Like?? Did you not watch it??

But moving on from that, Kyle tells Stan that he’s changed. Stan tells Kyle that the world has changed, and Kyle tells him back that he doesn’t want to view the world in the way Stan is trying so hard to make him see. Once again, I don’t think Stan is bad for this- He wants someone else to understand how much pain he’s in so that they can help him and empathize with him. Kyle understandably doesn’t want to see the world in the same horrible way Stan has begun to, however!! And while I don’t blame Stan for wishing Kyle understood him, the way the fandom somehow expects Kyle to just dive headfirst into trying to view the world in the horribly negative way Stan is is sort of ridiculous and unfair??? “Oh man, my friend is depressed so now I have to be depressed too so that I can understand exactly how he’s feeling and fix all of his problems”- Putting aside that this isn’t really a realistic expectation for Kyle to just somehow do, it wouldn’t help and it’s pretty nasty to imply Kyle is bad for how he reacts to Stan’s words here. Once again, I agree that Kyle could’ve been better with his words here, but he doesn’t understand depression or how to help fix it or what to say. 

This is the last of the dialogue between Stan and Kyle in this episode. From this, we can see Kyle hasn’t “abandoned Stan” and there’s more evidence of this in the future. Kyle has begun to set boundaries and wants space from Stan, he wants to be able to hang out with people who don’t insult everything he likes and who are fun to be around. He hasn’t DROPPED STAN. Stan isn’t entitled to constantly hang out with Kyle and Kyle is entitled to be apart from him and do things with other people sometimes! This isn’t disloyal or cold for him to do??? 

After this, Randy and Sharon divorce and Sharon moves herself and the kids out. This would have been a relatively long process that realistically should’ve taken place over like… Two or three weeks at least, if not a month or longer. But it’s pretty ridiculous to act like only a day or so passed since YGO and AB. In this montage, we see Kyle hesitantly approach Stan from behind when he’s sitting alone. He stops and then sadly walks away, seemingly not knowing what to do and giving up on helping at this moment. Later, we see Kyle playing video games with Cartman, and he smiles, enjoying himself. I’m going to expand on Kyle and Cartman’s relationship later but this is relevant. 

Moving on to Ass Burgers, we see Stan is still depressed after the long time period that was heavily implied to have passed. Kyle and Cartman are back to arguing about aspergers. They leave the bus stop to go ask Kyle’s dad about it and Stan doesn’t follow. I guess you can argue Kyle abandoned Stan here?? Once again, I don’t think that Kyle is responsible for constantly tending to Stan and making sure he’s included, especially when Kyle has seen in the last couple of weeks that Stan has no interest in being involved (nor has he ever really liked being around Kyle and Cartman’s spats). Either way, I don’t think Kyle does anything that horrible here- At most you can argue maybe he could’ve been a bit more attentive?? Idk. 

In the next scene, the boys are returned to class for skipping by Officer Barbrady, and the class starts talking about aspergers leading to Stan blowing up and telling everyone to shut up. He’s sent to Mr. Mackey’s office which leads to him falsely being diagnosed with aspergers instead of anyone recognizing his depression. 

Later on, Wendy approaches Kyle in the hall. She asks Kyle about Stan, and he tells her that he’s tried to call Stan and hang out with him, but Stan has only gone even more downhill since his diagnosis. This implies that an even longer period of time has passed between the beginning of Ass Burgers and now, so this is probably even MORE time that Kyle still hasn’t just dropped Stan like the fandom likes to imply. Either way, it feels like a month or so has passed AT LEAST since Stan’s depression first started and now. Kyle is harsh with his next words, though I feel really bad for him here? He clearly cares a lot and feels horrible for Stan, but also frustrated and tired and hurting himself. Calling Stan a black hole was definitely not a good thing to do, but once again he’s 10 and yada yada doesn’t know better. He says he can’t keep doing this, that the negativity is hurting him and even making him become depressed himself. And finally, Kyle says he needs to let Stan go. So this is the scene, if any, that Kyle truly “drops” Stan, though even then I hesitate to so quickly call it that because of future actions he takes. 

But yeah, so. This is it? This is why Kyle is such a horrible cold friend who doesn’t actually care about Stan?? Really?? Because he prioritized his own mental wellbeing?? It’s so fucking exhausting hearing this take, seeing people perpetuate the idea that Kyle has to let himself be hurt or else he’s a bad person. That he is somehow at fault for Stan’s worsening mental health. It’s a legitimately harmful idea, and once again while I don’t think most of the people spreading this take about Kyle actually believe these ideas, I really worry someone make take it to heart and think that they have to put their own wellbeing aside for the sake of someone else just because they’re struggling because they don’t want to be like Kyle in this episode. The episode itself isn’t even blaming Kyle in all of this. It’s just the fandom completely misunderstanding a lot of things because of the point of view being mostly from Stan’s and disregarding a lot of information the episode gives relating to Kyle in favor of having their helpless depressed baby who everyone hurts because no one loves him and that’s relatable, I guess? I don’t know. I can’t get into the minds of people who spread this idea but more often than not it just feels like they want to have Stan as their ‘does no wrong stand in’ to cope with their own problems and poor mental health, and while I think coping through characters is fine and entirely valid (I do as well), it’s really uncomfortable and frustrating seeing it come at the expense of other characters and spreading faulty ideas like this.

Kyle decides that he’s going to try and embrace everything moving forward with positivity because he doesn’t want to fall into the same depressive slump Stan is stuck in, and that leads to him furthering his friendship with Cartman with the Cartman Burger stuff. 

In the next scene, Stan is forcibly made drunk for plot reasons. It makes him feel happy and okay again, and he ends up running back into Kyle. The following scene is why I don’t think Kyle ever truly drops Stan despite saying he’s going to. He doesn’t tell Stan he doesn’t want to see him anymore, the most he really does is tell Stan that things can’t just go back to normal, and he has other priorities now- Cartman Burger, which I guess could also be taken as being his friendship with Cartman himself if you’d like. He holds Stan, tries to give him advice about trying to take a “left turn”, and is genuinely glad to see Stan seemingly doing better even if he’s critical about him being drunk. Stan falls back into his old habits of insulting everything, and Kyle immediately recognizes this as Stan not “changing” which I agree is unfair of Kyle, but again, he’s a child and doesn’t understand depression or what Stan is going through (Especially with how Kyle has learned to deal with his own mental anguish which I expand on in the essay I linked earlier). Cartman urges Kyle to come back to work and Kyle starts to. Stan tells Kyle he loves him, and Kyle immediately comes back until Stan insults him and Kyle once again walks away. I don’t think Kyle has (at least not fully) dropped Stan here??? He’s setting??? Boundaries?? And not tolerating Stan insulting him, drunk and depressed or not?? Kyle seems accepting of the fact that their friendship is seemingly coming to a close but he’s still letting Stan be in his life and seems open to letting things improve. He just doesn’t want to have to be the one to fix it because he doesn’t know how and his own mental health was previously declining.

Stan is continuously forced to drink by the people supposedly giving him therapy, and ends up captured by a bunch of food restaurant mascots- dumb plot stuff. When sobered up, he’s interrogated by them. They don’t believe him about his failing friendship with Kyle, and basically put him down for walking away from his friendship with Kyle just because he was “feeling down” which obviously is unfair to Stan and not what happened. 

Stan is forced to go back to Cartman Burger with a gun aimed at him to find out why the food tastes good. Kyle doesn’t know and clearly doesn’t realize Stan is being genuine when he claims he’s in danger in large part because he was previously claiming crazy shit when he was drunk. Kyle says the he’s sorry about what Stan is going through but the negativity is “poison” to him, which is pretty cold but ten year old who doesn’t understand- Plus at this point, Kyle seems frustrated Stan won’t respect his boundaries which isn’t justification but is at least why Kyle is probably being so blunt at this point in the first place. Stan apologizes but says he can’t help being depressed. Kyle points out that Stan verbally insulted him before, Stan claims to not realize what he was saying. Considering he’s a ten year old who was forced to drink, I think that’s fair but Kyle’s perspective is as well. Kyle relents and says he doesn’t know the information Stan needs, Cartman does. 

Plot stuff happens and Stan becomes fed up with all of this stupid stuff, finally seeming to realizes that the people from his therapy are only hurting him and that accepts that things have changed and that it’s okay for life to move on even if he didn’t initially want it to. I don’t think I need to reiterate all of this but yeah, it’s just really sad how the episode ends with Stan finally okay with the changes in his life and ready to start new only for it all to go back to normal entirely, and then at the very end we see that he’s gone to drinking to cope with his depression. It sucks. I hate these episodes, not because I think they’re poorly written but they just generally make me extremely upset for Stan. But that’s basically everything with them revolving around Stan and Kyle. 

As for Cartman and Kyle, I find it kind of frustrating that people view Kyle’s hanging out with Cartman so shallowly? Like, I don’t know. I’ve seen better worded meta on this in the past that I can’t find now relating to Cartman always immediately jumping in as their friend the moment Kyle or Stan aren’t together, and it’s very true. He suddenly isn’t insulting either of them (particularly Kyle) as much anymore. Now he acts like their friend and tries to get close with them, and this is pretty much because he can never compete as the best friend for Stan or Kyle when put against their counterpart, not when they’re getting along. He’ll always be second in getting the attention he craves from them. So instead, he’s mean and annoying and though the attention isn’t positive, it’s still attention and he’s getting a lot of it, especially from Kyle who’s so quick to fight against him if Cartman tries to anger him. There’s plenty of scenes and episodes where he immediately fills the space left by either Stan or Kyle being missing from the duo, and it feels very intentional on Cartman’s part. Even in Ass Burgers itself, Cartman takes deliberate steps to separate Stan and Kyle when they’re talking, watching closely when Stan comes to Kyle drunk and swooping in to get between them when it's convenient to break them apart again. He wants to be the center of attention with both of them, especially Kyle. He wants them paying attention to HIM, not each other, and if he can get in there when they’re not happy with each other to come off like the good guy, he’s going to do it. He’s just manipulative like that, and Kyle, oh so ready to see the good in people, even those as bad as Cartman, is ready to forgive and forget if he sees an improvement and to believe Cartman truly is becoming a better person. Kyle is easy to manipulate like that- Or at least he used to be, I think he’s learned to be more distrustful since then but at least at the point in time these episodes came out, Kyle was always very quick to believe in the good in people and believe they were genuine when they showed improvement. We see this even in later episodes like Ginger Cow when Kyle for a moment seemed very ready to believe Cartman when he came to apologize for lying. I don’t think it was as simple as “Kyle picked Cartman over Stan” like some people like to imply. 

Anyway, sorry if any of this is rambly or messily written. It’s hard to go over the entirety of an episode completely through text, and I’m sure some parts are a bit slow, but I hope it’s generally understandable and easy to read.

[kenmas-consoles]

Hello honey! I hope you don't mind me requesting something with this topic but my father told me today that I should kill myself just because I bleached my hair and then that I should care about other's opinion and not my own so can I request how would William react to his s/o saying this to him? If you don't feel comfortable writing this it's fully okay, I understand 🤍 Thank you in advance though 🤍

Pairing: William Moriarty x Reader

Summary: You bleach your hair and your father disapproves and says harsh words that lead you crying and William is there to console you.

Word Count: 1,878

Warning: Mentions of death/ act of suicide

It was never a secret to anyone that being born into a prestigious lineage meant that you had watchful eyes on lock with your every move. Every action you made was like a public statement and it was quite restricting, never being able to act out in the open in fear of public judgement. It has been that way since you were young, (y/n) (l/n) the eldest daughter to a famous business tycoon in England.

Though upon meeting William a few years back right after a business transaction made by your father and William’s eldest brother Albert you had become close friends, and maybe something even more. The time you’ve spent with him made you feel free, free enough to express yourself because you knew he wasn’t one to judge. It was a breath of fresh air, you never had to worry about the public eye whenever you were with him. These days you have a little skip in your step, after gaining the confidence to just be yourself.

You had made a big decision of getting your hair dyed and you were quite jittery upon entering your estate with your newly done hair. The little adrenaline rush of somewhat planned impulsivity of getting it dyed thrilled you though you know that others may have mixed feelings about your new hair. It hadn't mattered to you much since you were sick of playing the perfect daughter role. You knew your parents would have to find out one way or another you just hoped they would be accepting. Besides, it was just hair and it wasn’t that bad. If anything you thought you looked 10x better a blonde.

Still, you made an effort into hiding it for the day and probably dropping the gun and talking about it tomorrow since you were still pretty tired.

Closing the doors silently you enter your room and just as you set out a sigh of relief you hear a clatter and a piercing shriek.

Maggie, your personal maid, was in your room with tea now stained on the carpet floor as she looked at you with wide eyes. Upon realizing it was just you, her young mistress, she had calmed down and rushed towards you. Holding you by the shoulders she inspected you in amazement.

“You- you’re hair!” she exclaimed in excitement, “You’re blonde! How-”

You giggled lightly at her amazement and loss of words and babbling as she held a few locks of your hair in her fingers.

“I’ve had it done earlier,” you said, giving a little spin. “How does it look?”

“Absolutely stunning dear!”

Her response brings a smile to your face.

“What in the heavens?!” A deep male voice exclaimed from behind the door and your smile had grown shaky as you realized that the voice belonged to your father.

You mustered up a smile and took a deep breath before facing him.

“Do you like it?” you asked. “It’s preposterous! outrageous! What were you thinking?! Or did you even think at all?!” “Please calm down it’s just- “Hair?” Pinching the bridge of his nose he turned away from you with a shake of his head. “ You’re being selfish again, why can’t you just listen?”

In a much quieter tone he says “why can't you just get it through your head that your actions greatly affect the family! your brother is months away from getting married and you-

why can't you just think about what others might think and stop with this nonsense.”

Each word brings a pang in your heart as your eyes sting with tears. You couldn’t bring yourself to face him either as you grew small in his presence, self conscious even.

A silence passed and neither of you spoke. The tension in the room was suffocating, your father looked as though he had more to say but he just clicked his tongue before moving towards the door.

“Maggie, please clean up this mess,” your father said without turning back to look at the now scampering maid.

Sparing one last look he sighs and says, “I’m done with this conversation, with you, you can go jump out the balcony for all I care.”

Once the door clicks shut, you fall on your knees. Never before had your father said anything so harsh nor has he raised his voice towards you before. The tears threatening to spill had already made its way down your cheeks and you choked up a sob. All the confidence you had built over the past years felt like it was deteriorating and the only feeling that ate you up was guilt and shame.

Maggie comes back in and rushes towards your side as she sees you crying. “He doesn’t mean that sweetie,” she says all while cooing consoling words and holding your crumpled form.

You couldn’t fall asleep that night, your fathers words replaying like a broken record. Were you selfish? Was it your fault? You couldn’t help but think that and once again the ugly feeling of shame was boiling up within the pits of your stomach.

Watching from your balcony, your father who was talking to the coachman below. Downcast, he hadn’t spoken to you all day. Thinking back to last night where he couldn’t even look at you during family dinner nor even say a word to you during breakfast.

As though you were drilling holes into his head from above he had turned to face your balcony. You stepped back to avoid being seen but you saw him shake his head and then you felt the shame creep up again.

You were frustrated. At your father’s silence, his words, at yourself for letting it get to you so much. It was so really unlike you and you felt tears start to sting at your eyes. You knew your schedule was free today so you had decided to head for the Moriarty manor, your safe haven.

You made your way there without delay, gripping at your skirt as you sped through the streets of London, ignoring the weird stares and whispers of those who had recognised you. Nothing was more important now than getting there, since you were minutes away from breaking down once more.

Upon reaching the manor you were greeted by the familiar face of Louis who was tending to the gardens by the gate. Delighted you made your way towards him. “Louis!” He turned his head and stood with a shocked and bewildered expression as he blinked twice almost as if checking if what he saw was correct. “(y/n)?” he asked and you happily nodded.

“What happened to you, you look like you have been crying?” he asks.

You scratch your head a bit and mention how it was a long story not even denying the fact that he found out you were crying. Louis offers you another understanding smile as he walks with you to the manor telling you he’d go fetch William for you.

“I forgot to mention,” he says as he led you through the long hallways of the manor, “You look beautiful by the way, I’m sure my brother would think so too.”

You in turn blushed in response to his words.

“You can stay in the living room (y/n), I’ll go inform William of your presence now,” he says with a curt nod and a smile.

“Thanks Lou,” you say as you both exchange another set of smiles before he takes his leave.

A few minutes pass and you hear the sound of quick steps, the door of the living room bursting open to reveal none other than William Moriarty with the most agitated expression ever.

His agitation morphed to shock as he took one long look at you and he slowly moved towards the couch you had been sitting on.

One of his rare small smiles grace his face as he takes your hand in his, rubbing his thumb over the back of your hand tenderly.

“You look different,” he jests, then takes a lock of your hair between his fingers and rubs them. You both sit in comfortable silence and he takes this time to inspect your face, he notices the little circles around your eyes and how puffy they look not to mention your slightly rosey tipped nose. It wouldn’t take a detective to know you had been crying.

He looks at you expectantly and you take it as a sign to start spilling the beans. You tell him of how you had dyed your hair the other day to sneaking into the family manor that night uptil how your father had scolded you for your actions.

William just sat there with his hand in yours, staring at you lovingly as you replayed the story. Squeezing your hands ever so lightly when you had told him that your father had told you to kill yourself. He was appalled with your father to say the least, you the most brilliant person he had met and someone had the audacity to say such hurtful things to.

As you move your arms around animatedly to show your frustrations he found them rather cute and amusing, another smile moves up to his face. You were too caught up in retelling the story to notice him bring his hands to your chin. He moves your chin to face him and this action silences you.

Smiling at you once more he moves the hand holding your chin to caress your face. “Listen,it's true you have to consider others' opinions but that's just the tip of the iceberg, think about it... do we have more confidence in their opinions than we do our own? self-care is never a selfish act.”

You sigh, taking his hand that was on your face in your own, “It’s different when those people are your family. I don’t know how I could go back and face th-” “You don’t have to go back,” he grumbles under his breath but enough for you to hear.

“...then where would I go?”

“Simple,” he says with a compelling dangerous glint in his crimson eyes. “You are of age now, stay with me. I will marry you.”

Your eyes widened in surprise and awkwardly laughed it off thinking it was another one of Williams jokes but the look in his eye told you that he was dead serious. Your cheeks then set aflame as numerous butterflies crashed around your stomach and chest.

“I know it is much too early for a proposal but I promise to love and cherish you for as long as my heart keeps beating,” He then stands and extends a hand for you to take, almost a silent sign of asking you to accept. And once you do slip your hand in his he holds you by the waist for an embrace and whispers in your ear.

“Besides, I think you look lovely as a blonde.”

This comment leaves you in a fit of giggles. William James Moriarty will always continue to be your safe haven, a pillar of support.

Hey there angel I hope you’re feeling alright please remember that you cant let others decide your self worth for you so try not to let huetful comments let you down. I’m pretty sure you look amazing and hopefully your father will come around with getting used to seeing your hair that way. I hope this story was to your liking as well have some moriarty love!

Also I pretty much crammed this cause I only saw the request today and aaaaaaa im sorry anywayz hope you like it again sweetie!!

[peterparkers-bad-youtube-apology]

Something Evil in the Night

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Warnings: Violence, blood, mentions of death

Summary: When a so called 'evil Spiderman' begins terrorizing New York Peter is determined to put a stop to it. Despite his personal connection, he just can't seem to get his hands on them.

Masterlist

Halloween Event Masterlist

Taglist

⭒☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆⭒

“There was another attack from the so-called evil Spiderman last night. Police, with the help of the real Spiderman, are continuing their search efforts. He’s managed to avoid capture so far, but we’re hopeful he’ll be caught soon,” the news anchor continued speaking after (y/n) had blocked Peter’s view and shut off the tv.

“I think that’s enough news for the day.”

He sighed, “I know, I just thought maybe there’d be something I missed.”

“You haven’t missed anything, you’ve combed over all of this a million times,” she sat down beside him with a sigh, “I think you should ask someone for help with this, it might be too much for you to take this on alone.”

“It’s not too much for me,” he snapped.

“I said for you alone,” she corrected, “This guy is really dangerous Peter, I don’t want you to get hurt, and obviously he’s got some kind of personal connection to you. I just think you should get some help with this one, or at least consider it.”

“I know you’re worried, but I can handle this,” he assured, “I’ll get back up if I need it.”

“He’s worse than anyone you’ve faced before,” she frowned, “He’s way more violent, and I know you’re more than capable of dealing with it but just… I don’t know ducky, he freaks me out.”

“You have got nothing to be scared of, I will never, ever let anything happen to you,” he squeezed her hands, “You shouldn’t be scared for me either, I’ve dealt with way worse than him.”

“Alright, but I still think you’ve had enough news for the day, this can’t consume your whole life.”

“You never complain when you’re the one consuming my whole life,” he smiled as he wrapped her arms around his waist, dragging her into his lap.

“Well maybe I’m just a little selfish,” she hummed as she wrapped her arms around his neck, “And I’m about to be even more selfish and ask you to take a day off so you can come hang out with me instead.”

“I think I can do that, but I still need to go on patrol tonight,” he agreed, pressing a kiss to her cheek, “Why don’t we go grab some dinner?”

“I’m so glad you suggested that because I am totally starving,” she rubbed her stomach and bounced to her feet, “Come on, you need a full tummy to fight crime.”

He laughed, “I’m coming.”

(y/n) had managed to get Peter to relax for the rest of the day, but he still insisted he needed to go out for patrol. Once again there was no sign of his doppelganger, a whole week and Peter hadn’t even managed to actually see him in person yet. He returned home tired and defeated, and fell right into bed beside (y/n). He’d passed out almost instantly, and he was still asleep when (y/n) woke up. Normally he was the first one up, usually he’d practically have to drag her out of bed to get ready for class. She couldn’t bring herself to do the same though, he’d been exhausting himself lately and she knew he needed the extra sleep.

(y/n) wiggled out of his arms and got out of the bed as quietly as she could before heading to the kitchen. After starting up the coffee machine she decided to turn on the tv, where she was met with the face of the local news anchor who’d basically become the third member of their household over the past seven days. She spouted about some upcoming local events while (y/n) started cooking. (y/n) was hardly paying attention until the broadcast took a more serious turn.

“The situation with the ‘dark Spiderman’ continues to escalate. Last night a woman was found dead in her home after New York’s newest villain was spotted hanging around the area. The NYPD has reason to believe his presence is connected to the death, but nothing has been released to the public yet. One officer described the scene as one of the worst he’s ever seen,” the anchor continued explaining as (y/n) rushed to change the channel.

She was much more scared of the whole situation than she cared to admit, and it certainly didn’t help that no progress had been made towards stopping him. Whoever he was, he seemed to know Peter’s every move, which made it obvious that he was watching him, maybe her too. Most of the villains he'd faced over the years had more concrete goals, they were working towards something. He just seemed to want to cause chaos, and rumours had been spreading since day once that he and Peter were somehow related, or even working together. She worried about Peter’s safety, and his image, she knew it would all take a toll on him.

“Why didn’t you wake me up?” Peter yawned as he left the bedroom, smiling when he spotted her in the kitchen, “Smells yummy.”

“It’s just some eggs,” she smiled back, “You need the extra sleep.”

He hummed, wrapping his arms around her before eyeing the clock on the oven, “Oh shit, we’re gonna be late for class.”

“It’s alright, we can be a little late. Why don’t you go lay back down?”

“That’s alright,” he kissed her cheek, “I can help.”

“No helping, go rest,” she ordered, pushing a spatula into his chest to prevent him from approaching the oven.

He chuckled, “Alright, alright, I’ll relax.”

She frowned as he sat at the couch and reached for the remote, “Peter no news.”

He frowned, “Why not?”

“Because, I just think you should relax a little more first,” she flushed nervously.

“I already figured he did something again,” he sighed, “You don’t need to protect me baby.”

She pursed her lips, “It’s bad ducky, really bad.”

“How bad?”

“He killed someone,” her stomach dropped at the distressed look that overcame him, “I don’t really know much after that, I just turned it off.”

He pinched his nose and returned to the bedroom, returning just a moment later with his phone, “I don’t know what to do…”

She wrapped her arms around him and kissed his cheek, “It’s not your fault ducky, I know this is hard on you, but you can’t blame yourself.”

He wrapped one arm around her but his eyes stayed glued to his phone, “I know, I just have no idea what to do. I’ve got no clue who he is or what he wants or how I’m supposed to stop him. I mean I still haven't even seen him...”

“I don’t know Peter, but maybe some of the others can help, or at least some of the Shield agents or something,” she suggested, “I mean you can’t patrol the city 24/7, and maybe that’s what needs to happen.”

Peter finally set his phone down and pulled her flush to him, “I'm gonna go see what I can find out about this and talk to Fury. Are you still gonna go to class?”

“Yeah, but before we do anything we’re gonna have a nice breakfast together,” she cupped his face, “Promise me you’ll be safe?”

“Always.”

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　　 ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

Peter looked over the evidence his police contact had splayed in front of him, it was everything they had pertaining to the murder. He’d listened while she explained the crime scene photos and the evidence they had. It was brutal, much bloodier than he’d expected. It seemed like there was no motivation behind it, just a random attack, but the police had video of him entering the home, making it obvious he’d done it.

“As far as we can tell the victim was a totally normal college student,” his contact pushed a folder towards him, “I mean she’s got no connections to any other victims. From what we can tell it was a completely random attack.”

“I don’t get him,” Peter shook his head as he opened the file, “I mean what’s his goal in all of this? Just to cause a panic?”

“From what we can tell so far that’s it. I just hope you and the other Avengers can stop him before something like this happens again.”

“We will, I’m going over to the Shield offices after this,” Peter pursed his lips as he flipped to the next page in the file.

He froze, the girl was about his age, with the same colored hair and eyes as (y/n). She didn’t look too much like (y/n) overall, but there was an obvious resemblance. He couldn’t shake the feeling that that had been the reason she was targeted. It was a threat.

“Everyone’s on high alert looking for him,” the contact assured, “He can’t evade us forever.”

“I’ll find him,” he slammed the file on the table, “Thanks for letting me check this out. Let me know if you guys find anything else, I need to go.”

Peter went storming onto campus and ran straight to his girlfriend's class. He’d called her three times on his way over, of course she was in class and hadn’t answered, but it only fueled Peter’s anxiety. He just needed to see she was okay..

He took a seat on a bench just outside her class, his leg bounced nervously while he waited for her to exit the room. After a few minutes students started filing out of the class, when he finally spotted her and jumped to his feet.

“(y/n)!” he shoved through the other students to reach her as quickly as possible.

She frowned when she spotted him, “What are you doing here?”

“I just need to talk to you,” he cupped her face with a frown, “Can we go to the library or something? It needs to be in private.”

“Okay,” she agreed, “We can go to the library. Is everything alright?”

He glanced around them before nodding, “Yeah, everything is fine, we just need to talk.”

“Alright…”

He dragged her across campus to the library, then upstairs to one of the private study rooms. He closed the door and moved a chair in front of it to ensure they wouldn’t be disturbed.

“I hope you know we aren’t going to have sex in here,” she tried to joke as he inspected the room.

“What? No, that’s not it at all,” he blushed, “I just want to make sure no one is listening.”

“Okay…” she fell into one of the chairs, tossing her backpack onto the table, “What’s going on Peter?”

“The girl he killed looked like you,” he pursed his lips, “I mean not scary close or anything, but when I saw her picture it was pretty obvious that that was what he was going for.”

He finally sat after deciding the room was secure, “I went to check out what the police had, it really freaked me out.”

Her face fell instantly to worry, “Why?”

“It could be a coincidence,” she tried to argue.

He shook his head, “It wasn’t a coincidence, it was a threat.”

“You don’t know that…”

“Yes I do, and even if I am wrong I am not willing to take risks with your safety.”

“What are you saying?” a nervous blush overtook her face.

“I don’t know,” he sighed, “But I’m worried about staying at the house.”

“Well a hotel isn’t going to be any safer.”

“No, not a hotel,” he shook his head, “We can stay at the tower, I’ve got a room there. I know that’s not ideal but it’s a lot safer. I need to be able to go out there to find him, but I can’t leave you alone if I know he’s after you. I can’t risk anything happening to you (y/n), it’d fucking kill me.”

“Nothing is going to happen to me,” she assured, cupping his face in her small hands, “If it brings you some more peace of mind then we can stay at the tower, I don’t mind at all.”

He let out a relieved sigh and pressed his lips to hers, “I love you so, so much, I’ll do everything I can to make this comfortable for you.”

“Peter don’t worry about that,” she giggled, “I’m happy to do it if it’s gonna make this whole thing easier on you, that’s all I care about.”

He smiled and wrapped his arms around her, “I’m so lucky to have you.”

“No way, I’m the lucky one,” she nuzzled her nose against his, “You wanna head home and pack up?”

He nodded before offering, “You wanna swing home with me?”

She quickly shook her head, making him laugh, “No way, you always make me sick.”

“I don’t make you sick, you make yourself sick by looking at the ground,” he argued, “But fine, we can catch a cab instead,” he kissed her head before a smirk crept onto his lips, “Unless wanna fool around a little first?”

She rolled her eyes, “No, definitely not.”

He smiled and tossed her bag over his shoulder, “Alright, it’s kind of cramped in here anyway.”

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　　 ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

Peter didn’t like the idea of having to have (y/n) stay in the tower, he knew she wasn’t comfortable there, but it was infinitely safer than their apartment. Luckily the tower was fairly deserted at the moment, but he knew she’d spend most of her time in his room regardless. He tried to make the room feel as much like home as he could, despite her insistence that she would be fine without all his catering.

Little progress had been made at catching the evil Spiderman over their first couple days at the tower, but he at least had the assurance that (y/n) was safe. She typically stayed in his room as predicted, though she didn’t mine venturing into the common room or kitchen when Peter was there. Peter felt awful about her obvious discomfort i the building, but she assured him constantly that she was fine, that she didn’t mind being there.

Peter, on the other hand, was sleeping less and less with each passing day. He was staying up later and later, and going on patrol longer and longer. He’d leave school and immediately start searching, he’d stay close to (y/n)’s work until he was sure she’d gotten back to the tower safely, then he’d comb over the rest of the city. He kept pushing himself to stay up just another hour, to just check out one more part of the city, until he barely had time for even four hours of sleep.

(y/n) was worried, which of course Peter knew. He hated making her worry, but he couldn’t stop. He had to be ready at any moment, he was always on edge, even when they were laying in bed together.  Peter assured her he was okay, that it was nothing he couldn’t handle, but she simply didn’t believe him. She saw how tired he was, how much the whole situation was wearing him out. Shield had stepped in more and more, but it had done nothing to relax him. They had about as much info as Peter, and Peter had refused to let up the reins even the tiniest bit, insisting that he needed to take the lead on the situation no matter what.

“Peter, can’t you just wait a second?” (y/n) sighed, she was barely even able to set her bags down before Peter had started changing.

“I need to make sure it’s safe before you leave for work,” he warned, ignoring her request completely.

“I called out,” she grabbed his arm, “Hey, just wait a minute alright?”

He frowned, “Why? Are you sick?”

She shook her head, “No, I called out and you’re gonna call out too.”

“I can’t call out,” he scoffed, “Lives are at stake.”

“There are plenty of other eyes on this. Spiderman needs to rest for a night, okay?” she argued.

“(y/n) I would love to take a night off with you, but I just can’t.”

“You can and you are,” she said sternly, “You can’t keep this up forever, you’re exhausted. Even if you ran into him you’re in no condition for any kind of fight right now. You need to rest, you haven’t slept a whole night through since the murder.”

“How am I supposed to sleep through the night knowing he’s out there?”

“I don’t know, but you need to try,” she tugged his arm, trying to pull him towards the bed, “You’re spreading yourself too thin, and I’m worried if you run into him like this you’ll just end up getting hurt.”

He took a deep breath, he didn’t want to hear it but he knew she was just trying to take care of him, “I know what I’m doing.”

“Please listen to me,” she pleaded, “I know you hate the idea but I’m begging you to just take one night off. He’s been less violent since the murder, maybe it was a mistake,” she tried to reason, “And maybe I’m grasping at straws here but I’m really worried about you ducky.”

He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose as he fought with himself, “I-I don’t know baby, I can hardly even think straight right now…”

“Because you need to rest,” she wrapped her arms around his neck with a frown, “One night of no evil Spiderman. We’re not even going to think about him again today. You’re not making any progress doing what you’re doing, so it’s time to try something else alright?”

He nodded weakly, his head falling to her shoulder, “Yeah, maybe I can rest for tonight and rethink this all tomorrow.”

“Exactly, you need a little time to regroup,” she kissed his head and rocked him against her, “So why don’t we lay down for a little bit? Then we can go pick up Delmar’s and have dinner with May. Just a nice little family day, I’m sure you’ll feel a lot better after that.”

Peter nodded in agreement and pulled her flush to him, “I love you so much.”

“I love you too Peter, forever and always.”

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　　 ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

Peter felt infinitely better after his day off, spending time with May and (y/n) had helped him even more than he imagined it would. He was finally able to shut his mind off and lay down for a solid night of sleep. Things were perfect until he woke up. Almost instantly he was reminded that he had to get back to work.

He still didn’t feel all that well rested when he rolled out of bed, but remained hopeful that  his mind would at least be fresh enough to give him a new perspective on the case. He was even more hopeful after him and (y/n) checked the news that morning because there was no report of the evil Spiderman. It marked the first day since his initial appearance that he hadn’t done anything, not even a simple robbery. It had Peter in a great mood when they went to school, but his bubble was burst as soon as his third class drew to a close.

“Did you see the reports?” he heard the students behind him start gossiping as they packed up their thing, “There was another murder.”

“By that Spiderman thing?” the second student questioned.

“Yeah, they just found the body a little bit ago, it seems like it was pretty brutal.”

“Jeez, you know I bet he’s working with the real Spiderman.”

“No way. Spiderman’s a hero dude, he’s just some guy trying to taint his image.”

“I don’t know, it just seems suspicious that he seems to be evading everyone so well…”

Peter nearly sprinted out of the room, texting (y/n) to tell him that they needed to meet right away. She agreed and met him outside of the dinning hall. She was shocked to see how frantic he looked.

“Peter what’s wrong?”

“There was another murder,” he ran a distressed hand through his hair, “Baby I’m so sorry but I need to take you home so I can check this out right away. The police are still at the crime scene, I need to meet them there.”

“It’s alright,” she assured, “I’ll head back to the tower, you go check it out.”

“O-Okay, I can take you,” he offered.

She shook her head, “It’s alright, you need to get there as soon as you can, I’ll head straight home and I’ll text you when I get there. I promise I’ll be perfectly safe, it’s just a car ride.”

He pursed his lips before nervously accepting, “Okay, just lock yourself in our room, and you call me if there is anything weird at all, even just a gut feeling. I’ll be right there.”

“I know Peter, but I promise I will be okay, you go do what you need to do.”

He cupped her face and kissed her forehead and lips, “I’ll come right home after alright?”

She nodded, “Alright, just call me if anything changes. I’ll stay in lockdown.”

“Thank you, I promise this will be over soon,” he squeezed her hands apologetically, “I’ll see you soon.”

“Ducky, wait,” she pulled him back as he tried to run off.

“What’s wrong?” he frowned.

“Nothing, I just wanted to tell you I love you.”

He blushed and kissed her again, “I love you too.”

Peter rushed to the crime scene, warning his police contact of his arrival as he zipped across the city. She warned him it was gruesome, but Peter hadn’t expected it to be as bad as it was. Blood everywhere, the tape outline of the body on the floor. It made him sick, but just above the outline was the worst part.

Venom, written in blood on the wall\. He wondered what it meant, a threat? A name maybe?”

“Who was she?” he cleared his throat as he forced his eyes away.

“Her name was Rachel,” an older officer passed him a manilla folder, “We’ve sent everything over to Shield already.”

He nodded, swallowing the lump in his throat, “Right, I just wanted to check things out myself, see if I could figure anything out…”

“Well we appreciate the help,” the officer sighed, “This case has been driving us all crazy, we’ve barely even been able to get eyes on him.”

“Yeah, me too,” Peter pursed his lips as he opened the file.

He expected to see pictures of her body or something equally gruesome, but it was simply her ID photo and some information on her. It couldn’t have been more horrifying to Peter though. The resemblance to (y/n) was uncanny this time, she looked just like her. If he didn’t know better he might have mistaken them for sisters.

“This was her?” he cleared his throat.

The officer nodded, “Yeah, pretty similar to the last girl.”

“I need to go,” Peter shoved the folder back to the officer and stormed out of the scene.

If anyone tried to stop him he didn’t notice, he only had one thought in his head. He could have played it off before, convinced himself it was just a coincidence, but this confirmed it. Whoever the evil Spiderman, or Venom was, he knew exactly who Peter was, (y/n) too, and he had every intention of hurting (y/n).

Peter had never swung so fast in his life, his heart was pounding in his ears as he stormed through the tower. He’d barely managed to rip his mask off before he opened the door to her room. (y/n) was perfectly safe, sitting on the bed with her homework spread out around her.

She went wide eyed at his frantic entrance, “What happened? Are you alright?”

She had hopped off the bed and rushed to him. He sank to his knees, unable to hold himself together for even one more second, he burst into tears. She was in shock and, having no idea what else to do, sank down with him and pulled him into her.

“Shh, it’s okay, I’m right here, whatever it is we’ll deal with it,” she assured, pressing a kiss to his forehead.

He nuzzled his face into her neck, he wanted to hide, “I can’t do it (y/n), I can’t handle this.”

She rubbed his back, doing her best to soothe him, “You don’t have to, you can give the case to someone else. Not everything is your responsibility, and it’s okay if the emotional connection here is too much for you.”

“He wants you,” Peter cried into her shoulder, “He’s gonna try to hurt you and I don’t know what to do.”

“It’s okay,” she kissed his head again, “I know you’re scared. I’m always scared when you’re out there fighting something you know? But you’re always okay, and I’ll always be okay too. I know if anything happens you’ll be right here to keep me safe. If he shows up and tries to come after us then you and I will take care of it. I can get a gun or something, I mean I have that taser already, I can do some damage.”

“She looked just like you,” he mumbled, “Just fucking like you.”

“The victim?”

He nodded, “He wants you, and I don’t know why, I don’t know who he is. I just need you to be safe.”

“Then we can go stay in a bunker or something, let someone else deal with this if it’s getting too personal,” she cupped his face, forcing him to meet her eyes, “Peter this is tearing you apart.”

“Because it’s you, I can’t stand the thought of something happening to you.”

“It won’t, nothing is gonna happen to me,” she pressed her lips to his briefly, “Just take a deep breath, we’ll figure out some way to make you feel better about this.”

He sniffled as she wiped his eyes. He took a few deep breaths before he spoke again, “We can’t just lock ourselves in some bunker, I can’t do that to you, and I want to be around if they need my help with this, but I think you’re right about stepping down.”

“I think that’s a really good idea,” she agreed, “And I am happy to do whatever I need to to make you feel better. If he’s after us and we need to go somewhere for a while to be safe that’s okay.”

“We can stay here, we just need to keep a low profile,” his body felt heavy and tired, he just wanted to collapse in her arms, “I’m so sorry I dragged you into this.”

“You didn’t, I want to be wherever you are, I don’t care how dangerous it is.”

“But I do, and having to do this to you kills me. I just want things to be normal for you.”

“But that’s not what I care about ducky, I care about you, that’s it,” she hugged him close one last time before taking his hand, “Let’s go lay down, I think you need a nap.”

“Okay,” he agreed.

He let her lead him over to the bed and laid his head in her lap. She laced her fingers in his hair and massaged his scalp. He wrapped his arms around her before closing his eyes.

“Get some sleep, I’ll get up in a bit and go make us some dinner alright? Then you can talk to Fury and we can start putting this behind us.”

“And if he comes for us we’ll be ready,” he agreed, nuzzling his face into her stomach, “Thank you for taking care of me.”

She chuckled, “You dedicated your life to taking care of other people, so someone's got to take care of you too. Otherwise I know you’ll always put yourself last.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“I mean it, you’re my whole world. I’m so fucking lucky to have you,” he yawned, sleep threatened to overtake his body.

“Trust me ducky, no one’s luckier than me.”

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　　 ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

Peter still felt exhausted when he woke up, dizzy too. He could hardly push himself out of bed in fact. He stopped in front of the large mirror over their door, bewildered at the sight of himself. He was in his suit, minus the mask, upon closer inspection there appeared to be streaks of blood all across the suit. He couldn’t remember even putting the suit on, let alone getting into some kind of fight.

His head throbbed as he opened the door, he had to lean on the wall as he headed for the kitchen. He remembered (y/n) saying something about cooking, he knew she’d know what had happened. Maybe he’d just hit his head.

“(y/n)?” he called out for her but he was only met with silence.

The common area was deserted, but he could smell something burning in the kitchen. As he stumbled towards the kitchen he noticed the floor was also dotted with blood. He tried not to think about it too much, it wasn’t uncommon for someone to be bleeding, they were superheros after all, fights were common.

“(y/n)?” he called louder as he entered the kitchen.

The kitchen was also a deserted wreck. Things were scattered all over the floor, and there was blood splattered everywhere. He looked around, trying unsuccessfully to piece together what had happened. A large island separated him from the stove, which was where most of the blood seemed to be concentrated.. The stove had been left on, but he was too in shock to move. He knew what happened, he was sure he did deep down, he just couldn’t remember.

A familiar chill ran up his spine as he finally moved towards the island. Usually he trusted his sixth sense, but he chose to ignore it and kept moving. Every step felt heavy, like something was trying to push him away.

(y/n) laid on the ground, her face covered by her hair, a small puddle of blood had pooled around her head, her legs appeared to be coated in blood as well.

“(y/n)!” Peter dove to her.

He rolled her over so he could better assess the damage. She had a cut above her eyebrow, what looked to be a stab wound on her leg, her body was limp and cold. Her lips were blue and her cheeks seemed more hollow than normal. Her body was covered in other smaller scratches and bruises, the worst of it was around her neck. Large red marks wrapped around her throat, something akin to handprints.

“No, no, no,” Peter mumbled in disbelief, he pressed his ear to her chest and his breath caught in his throat, “No, come on, this isn’t real,” he tried to convince himself as he brushed her bloodied hair off her face, “I’m gonna get you help baby, it’ll be okay,” her forehead tasted metallic when he kissed her.

“She’s dead,” it sounded like his voice almost, but distorted somehow. It was deeper, more rough sounding.

Peter looked around frantically but he was alone, he shook his head and turned right back to her, “You’re not dead, you can’t be, it’ll be okay,” tears welled up in his eyes, “K-Karen I need you to call the paramedics, get them here as quick as possible,” he ordered as he braced his hands against her chest. He was shocked when he got no response, “Karen!” his voice cracked as he began compressions, he was struggling to stay focused.

“I turned her off,” the voice scoffed in the back of his mind, “And that’s not going to do anything, she’s dead, I made sure of it.”

“Shut up!” he barked, no longer able to hold back his tears, “Come on baby, just a couple breaths for me alright? I just need you to wake up, I promise we’ll get you all fixed up. Just breathe for me, please.”

The voice let out an amused laugh, “Dead girls can’t breathe.”

Peter ignored it, making sure he kept his focus on CPR. He knew every second counted.

“Don’t ignore me,” the voice growled at him, “And knock that off!”

Suddenly he was jerked off of her by some invisible force.

“She’s dead, we killed her, you killed her.”

He was forced to look towards the oven, where he could vaguely make out his reflection. The suit was changing, turning black and distorted, like the villain he’d been after for weeks.

“No!” he cried as he clawed the suit off of himself, “Get away from me!” he kicked the suit across the floor and scurried back to (y/n), “I didn’t do this,” he mumbled to himself, “I didn’t hurt you, you’re okay,” his voice cracked again, the tears picked up almost instantly, “You’re okay, you’re okay,” he pressed his ear to her chest again as a heavy sob left his throat, “Please! You have to be okay! I can’t do this without you!” he screamed, the sobs felt like they were tearing him apart. His forehead fell against her shoulder, “Please, please, please,” he begged, hoping for some kind of miracle. But nothing came, and all Peter could do was keep falling apart.

⭒☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆⭒

Taglist:

@niallberry @spideyssunshine @namoreno @thevery-firstpage @roseke @zspideyy @emistrash @andreagf956 @tomsirishgirlx @peachyafshawn @agbspidey

[sketching-shark]

I think it's the ironic fact that JTTW fans already know how DBK and Sun Wukong's friendship broke apart but are more curious on LMK versions of Sun Wukong and the Six Eared Macaque were friends alongside falling out.

HA! Well, while it often does seem that way, I'm going to go ahead and be a complete snob in a Journey to the West purist kind of way by wondering how many Six Eared Macaque fans would consider themselves more JTTW fans or more Monkie Kid fans, or if they feel they're a mix of both...

I've seen a lot of people argue that these two works of fiction are their own thing and that as such Monkie Kid (and associated fanworks) shouldn't be expected to follow the canon of JTTW, and fair enough for some parts. I've also, however, seen people who argue for this complete separation seeming to use it as an excuse to not acknowledge or learn about ANY original aspects of characters such as Sun Wukong and the Demon Bull King, or even very important deities such as Guanyin and the Jade Emperor, and who as such end up making some pretty gross generalizations/assumptions about them even though they are of great religious and cultural importance.

For example (and while I know a lot of the fun people get from fan works is in exaggerating certain traits), Sun Wukong seems to often be presented with an "inherently" evil/thoughtless/chaotic character, while his intelligence, deep love of his family, genuine efforts to become a better person, & many acts of saving lives, as presented in JTTW, aren't even mentioned. I feel like a lot of this is due to the way he acts in Monkie Kid (while I maintain that this version of Sun Wukong seems to be Bad End Monkey King, he does do a lot of deflecting his issues with a show of humor/a carefree attitude & does seem really bad at communicating due to a fear of making things worse). Even so, the popularity of Thoughtless/Evil/Selfish Sun Wukong that doesn’t really allow for any of the nuance or a display of his beneficial traits as shown in JTTW does make me wonder how many people have been exposed to a good translation of og classic Sun Wukong...As I've said before, I've noted that a number of Chinese people on this site have expressed frustration with the fact that a good chunk of the monkey king’s Western audience seems to be getting their impressions about Sun Wukong, the Demon Bull King, the Six Eared Macaque, etc. from some mix of Overly Sarcastic Productions, Monkie Kid, and social media instead of from at least a translation of the original text, and it is true that a LOT of the nuance of these work and these characters can be very easily lost, especially if your drawing your information of them primarily from a cartoony version of the original source. 

That would be an interesting poll though...out of curiosity, how many of you fine folk have read the break-up & fight between Sun Wukong and the Demon Bull King either in the original text or in a translation, or is your exposure to them primarily through Monkie Kid? 

Again, I need to make it clear that I'm not Chinese & didn't grow up with the story, but I will admit for my own part that reading the DBK/SWK break-up in the Yu translation actually made me more curious about how their dynamic is going to play out in Monkie Kid than I am curious about what's going to happen with Mr. Macaque. 

This is primarily because besides SWK’s fight with Princess Iron Fan and DBK being given a LOT of page space in JTTW, there seems to have been some serious stuff that went down between the three of them in the events post-JTTW and pre-the main plot of Monkie Kid...the last we see of DBK in JTTW (if memory serves correctly) was him being hauled off by a host of heavenly warriors to be judged for his crimes of not giving SWK the palm leaf fan & also eating humans. When Monkie Kid starts, however, we are told that DBK had emerged “from the Netherworld” & immediately starts wrecking everything around him. What this suggests--if Monkie Kid is something of a fan continuation of JTTW--is that DBK ended up being executed by the heavenly forces, but managed to fight his way out of the underworld in a manner somewhat similar to SWK, who we are told he is equal in strength to in JTTW. In that beginning fight of Monkie Kid DBK is also shown as so enraged that he won’t stop his path of destruction until SWK buries him under a mountain for 500 years. It’s never said in the show, but--and this is important--this is basically exactly what Buddha did to SWK to start him on the path of atonement. So there seems to be some very intentional parallels between SWK’s havoc in heaven & DBK’s havoc on earth, which may suggest that one of the things Monkie Kid SWK really wants is for his former dear friend, his sworn brother, to find a way like him to be less violent and thus ultimately less vulnerable to destructive and self-destructive behavior, and that the way he tried to start this was by giving DBK the same treatment he got when he was a raging warlord. 

We are furthermore told that it was right after DBK was sealed that SWK disappeared for all those centuries, and while the impulse may be to write it off as him just wanting to enjoy himself (given a lot of his behavior in the show’s timeline), given the indications that this SWK may be deeply depressed, I feel like the answer could be something a lot more tragic...there seem to be a number of clues in Monkie Kid that while the journey of JTTW happened, something made it end disastrously, with SWK either assuming or knowing that Zhu Bajie, Sha Wujing, Tang Sanzang, and Bai Longma are dead. And per JTTW, this wouldn’t be the first time that he’s experienced a horrific loss, given the war with heaven and the burning of Flower-Fruit Mountain. And then right after THAT, it seems DBK emerged from the underworld, and so Sun Wukong was put into a horrific position: either murder his sworn brother, or let him continue to rampage & harm and/or kill who knows how many humans. SWK ultimately gives up his staff to do the repeat of “500 years under a mountain in solitary confinement route,” which as per JTTW he considers better than the alternative, but he immediately follows that by exiling himself. In JTTW SWK is a really sociable person who makes friends wherever he goes, but man, for this SWK...his life must at that point just feel like one failure after another, that in spite of all his best efforts he wasn’t able to save anyone he really cared about, and now he just trapped someone who was so important to him under a mountain & fated him to suffer the same things he had when he was in that position. How much more does he have to hurt his fellow yaoguai? How many more times does he have to choose between yaoguai and humans, feeling like no matter what he decides it’s just going to result in pain for him and/or his loved ones? I can easily imagine super sociable & easily upset (he cries a LOT in JTTW) SWK feeling like after sealing DBK, he just can’t do this any more. He just...can’t. 

This is all just speculation, but knowing the JTTW backstory between SWK and DBK does, at least for me, make their Monkie Kid relationship a lot more intriguing than it might be otherwise. Especially now that DBK seems to actually be making some small steps to quell his constant rage & lust for power. He even saves SWK and Qi Xiaotian from an explosion/nasty fall in the season 2 special! The Bull family weren’t really present in season 2, but I really hope they make a comeback in season 3 (if/when we get it) precisely because Red Son, Princess Iron Fan, and especially DBK have such an involved history with SWK. Plus it would be really fun to see two old warlords trying to awkwardly make amends with each other & struggle to be good teachers & positive role models to their student & son. 

In any case I feel this potential is more interesting than whatever fanfic The Six Eared “I’mma Plagiarize The Demon Bull King’s Backstory Of Being Best Friends with Sun Wukong” Macaque is creating lol. 

[softer-ua]

I was thinking about how Katsuki has never seen Deku in the hospital before and how Deku might be surprised to see him, and how that would probably hurt Katsukis feelings.

Then I decided to be self-indulgent and write the scene out. It was supposed to be short but I got super self-indulgent, because I like making Katsuki feel and making it hurt 🥰

I don’t wanna be unexpected

Deku carefully cracks open his eyes slowly taking in a dark unfamiliar ceiling and the heavy aching of his limbs, he isn’t fully cast anymore but a routine stiffness that tells him he had been.

 He’s grown used to this routine over the last year, he doesn’t even bother trying to sit up. Instead, he just scans the room the best he can from his semi-horizontal position. 

Turning his head to the left he sees an empty visiting chair and a small window letting in the city’s lights. It’s the only light the room has so it must be well into the middle of the night. 

Continuing to the right he sees a small nightstand filled with get-well cards and gifts. It brings a smile to his cracked lips, he’d most certainly cry if his body had the water to spare. 

If you told Deku a year ago that he’d get into UA he might have believed you, but never in a million years would he believe you if you told him he was on friendly terms with at least 1/3 of all of UA’s hero course students. 

Sometimes that felt like the most unbelievable part of everything. Having his idol pass his legacy to him to beat an ancient evil? Crazy but within the realm of his imagination. 

Making close friends with half his class and being at a minimum a positive acquaintance to most of his peers? It was almost unthinkable for a kid who’d spent his whole life being scorned and left out by even his teachers. 

Choked up by his feelings, Deku tries to swallow the painful lump forming in his throat. He’s worried so many people and let them down by getting hospitalized yet again. 

He’s too dehydrated to cry but he can’t help the dry cracked warble that escapes him. It takes a concentrated effort to clear his throat and not break down completely. It wouldn’t be cathartic at this moment, just painful. 

A small groan from the foot of his bed pulls his attention away from reading what he could of the cards. 

What he sees doesn’t instantly register with his groggy mind. That’s not uncommon, usually, the longer he’s out the more disoriented he is upon waking, his body might have made a full recovery but the brain takes longer to re-engage with its surroundings. 

Deku doesn’t expect to see Kacchan of all people in his hospital room at all, let alone when he first wakes up in the dead of night, but the blonde tuft of hair sticking up from a familiar orange hoodie turned makeshift pillow cradled in well-toned arms makes the figure resting over the edge of his hospital bed unmistakable 

Deku would know that pale face pinched into a grimace anywhere. 

It adds to the layer of confusion he’s grown used to as part of waking up hospitalized. It also adds a layer of dread and an equal amount of relief. Things must be pretty bad if Kacchan is here, but Kacchan is here and he looks completely whole. It’s a best worst-case scenario. 

Kacchan lets out a small grunt as he pushes his face deeper into orange cotton. Deku’s heart squeezes at the sight of the blonde's obvious discomfort. 

Kacchan should be at home sleeping in a real bed, not hunched over in a visitor chair clutching a hoodie for a pillow. 

Without thinking Deku calls out “Kacchan?”, his voice just above a whisper, a selfish part of him hopes Kacchan will stay asleep a little longer. That he’ll stay where Deku can see him and knows he’s okay. But he knows it’s selfish. So he calls again a little louder, his voice hoarse and scratchy from lack of use. 

The blonde shoots up, eyes near frantic as he looks around before red irises settle their sites on him with more concern than Deku ever remembers seeing on Kacchan. Well, at least outside a fight and directed at him.

He hopes they're not about to fight, but when it comes to Kacchans temperament… well he’d be a fool to dismiss the possibility of it. 

For a moment all Kacchan does is stare at him. It makes something cold and heavy settle in his stomach. Nothing scares Kacchan, and yet he looks completely shaken. 

“Deku? Are you really awake this time?” Katsuki tries to not make his whisper sound as desperate as he feels. There’s no point getting worked up over another dream or worse a still drug-addled Deku, but this Deku seems to recognize him for the first time, and although tired his green eyes shined with a level of coherency that’s been missing for a few days now.

Katsukis’s chest grew tight seeing it. It paled in comparison to the glimmer of brilliance that usually shone in those beautiful emeralds, but when compared to the unfocused glazed look he had been sporting the last few days? Well, Katsuki thought he just might collapse with relief. 

This is what he’d been waiting for, Deku’s been physically healed for at least 2 days now but consciously he’s been pretty touch and go. “Uh, I think so?” That’s definitely not the kinda question Deku had been expecting, but he has his own question he wants to get to before they get into that. 

Pushing through the dry burning in his throat Deku rattled off the most pressing questions. “How are you feeling? Is everyone okay? Did LOV getaway? What’s going on?” 

Annoyance flashes in Katsukis’s eyes before quieting with acceptance, of course, the nerd wants to know how everyone else is and the current status. Katsuki wanted the same when he first woke up, they were heroes in training, after all. Their own lives would always take a backseat to their self-appointed responsibilities. 

“Hold on. You sound like sh– not good.” Katsuki got up and got the nerd a cup of water and then helped him sit upright, trying to decide on what to tell him. Completely missing the way Deku flushed at his uncharacteristic gentleness. 

Katsuki decided on the bare minimum. 

“I don’t wanna talk about that sh- not good fight right now. All you need to know is that everyone is fine. You’re the only one still layed up, worrying everyone half to death. You’ve been out for almost a week, you woke up a few times but you were all loopy calling people by the wrong names.” 

Calling him by the wrong name. Deku must have said an incoherent hello to half the class only sometimes guessing who he was speaking to correctly or just talking to no one at all before immediately falling back asleep. Deku had of course asked about him more than a few times but not once did the bastard see him sitting right in front of him. 

It had taken every ounce of willpower Katsuki possessed to not throttle him, but he’d promised All Might that for the sake of Auntie Inko he wouldn’t upset the nerd. 

The pride Katsuki had just momentarily taken in thinking to get Deku water, the gentleness he took help the dweeb sit up, and managing not to swear when recounting the transgressions to boot turned ashen when he saw the way Deku shied away with guilt. 

A stubborn part of him felt righteous and believed Deku should feel guilty, a larger part felt a sense of failure in breaking his promise to All Might literally the first time he actually spoke to Deku. 

“Wait, if everyone else is okay what are you doing here?” Deku feels himself relaxing despite his guilt, contentment settling in the spaces where trepidation previously roosted, he trusted Kacchan to be honest. 

If he says everything’s fine then it is, but the lack of pressing news makes Kacchan passed out at the end of his bed even more confusing. 

The painkillers he’s on make thinking feel like everything’s ruining through Windows 95’, he can practically hear his brain's fan whirring. His mind can’t really pull up fresh thoughts, just old truths, Kacchans never visited before and he apparently has no reason to now.

Katsuki sighs as he slumps back into his chair. Deku’s still clearly confused and he isn’t sure he has the energy to repeat himself right now, then considering how he failed the first time he decides might as well try.

“Everyone is fine, everything is as fine as it can be at the moment. You’re in the hospital recovering from the fight with supercharged crusty mcdusty, but you are also apparently going to be fine” Dekus staring at him like he has two heads so he keeps talking. “The league is being dealt with, I’m not talking about the fighting until tomorrow at the earliest, neither of us is in shape for that conversation and I don’t know much myself yet”

Deku’s pinch brows and slight pout tell him he’s got questions, questions he can’t answer. Anytime he even thinks about how the fight went down he feels like he’s going to explode.

Trying to reign in every ounce of self control he possesses he slumps further in his chair rubbing his face and counts to five. Then kicks Dekus hospital bed for good measure, before speaking again.

“Deku just rest, you're clearly still out of it and I don’t wanna repeat myself a third time.” Seriously how many other ways can he say everything is, by a very loose definition, fine. How much clearer can he make it that he’s not giving anything else up?

“Uh you didn’t have to repeat yourself? I believed you the first time, Kacchan” Deku couldn’t help but feel like Kacchan was purposely misinterpreting his question, but why? It shouldn’t be a hard question, he’d really only asked to make conversation and clear up some brain cobwebs.

“Then why did you ask–“ Something ugly and broken twists in Katsuki’s gut as he slowly repeated Dekus' question in his head ‘what are you doing here’.

“I just didn’t expect to see you here if you didn’t have to be.”

Deku wasn’t, hadn’t been, asking why someone was there with him but why he, Katsuki, was there. Deku wanted to know why he was here instead of literally anyone else. Deku didn’t know that Katsuki had basically taken up permanent residence in here with him, probably couldn’t see the cot laying at the foot of his bed.

White-hot rage coursed through him in an instant, after everything they went through Deku thought he’d just ditch him to some extras in scrubs? Katsuki had a bad temper on good sleep, exhausted he was ready to put Deku back in a coma.

He struggled with the feeling of his palms heating, but the second before he felt like detonating Katsuki caught Deku’s eyes in full.

As always they show everything the nerds feeling and the familiarity soothes him in a way he can’t explain. Doesn’t ever want to explain.

It used to drive him up the wall like Deku was purposely giving him messages in a language he couldn’t read. Shoving in his face how inadequate he is in comparison.

Katsuki knows now that’s not the case and over the last few months, he’s actually been learning how to read Deku for the first time in his life.

And he’s discovering that even though it’s an advanced read for him he likes the challenge and even more he likes the victorious warmth that spreads down to his toes when he can tell just what Dekus is thinking without any words.

Right now Deku does look slightly confused and yet still so open and trusting, and his crooked shy smile proves that he is actually happy Katsukis here. His confusion is just that, confusion.

Always glad to see him, always caught off guard by his presence.

As much as the familiarity soothed the recognition hurt.

A couple of months on good terms doesn’t erase all the bad years, he knows this, he’s told himself as much a dozen-plus times.

He’s never visited Deku in the infirmary or the hospital before now.

At first just because his stubborn pride insisted that he couldn’t show weakness/care for someone else because he was above them all, that he had to constantly act like Deku was below him. Even when he recognized Deku as a rival he didn’t visit, partly because of lingering pride but mostly because he felt like he didn’t deserve to.

He was too much of a coward/slave to his pride to risk being turned away.

This time he hadn’t even considered Deku might not want him, he had just selfishly insisted he stay by his side for his own peace of mind.

To see Deku wanted him here but couldn’t understand why Katsuki would want to be here himself left his fingers feeling numb as all the adrenaline drained out of him.

Deku studied Kacchan intently, his explosive rival had turned to him and risen half out his chair looking like he was about to shout at him but when their eyes locked the words had apparently died on his tongue.

Now Kacchan was just staring at him with an unreadable expression entirely unmoving after he plopped back in his seat, never breaking eye contact. It was clear now that Kacchan hadn’t understood his question at first but now he seemed lost at how to answer.

Deku wanted to wait for Kacchan to speak but experience told him he shouldn’t hold his breath.

Besides it was late, as much as he desperately didn’t want him to go, Kacchan should be safely asleep in his own room. It’d be selfish to ask him to stay.

Kacchan probably hadn’t meant to stay as late as he did, he was just prone to falling asleep wherever he was once 9 pm rolled around. Deku knew first hand that Auntie Mitsuki had a very strict bedtime policy that had long been physically instilled into Kacchans psyche.

“Kacchan, it’s late you should head back to the dorms and get some real sleep. I feel fine.” At the sudden incredulous tweak of a blonde eyebrow, Deku rushed to elaborate, “I mean I'm of course tired, and a sore but I feel whole. This is a familiar routine for me, I’m okay.”

Katsuki thought back to what he told All Might a lifetime ago, “he never considers himself”.

Here Deku was laying in a hospital bed concerned about his sleep and knowing just what he wanted/needed to hear, that Deku was okay, straight from the source.

It’s all he’d wanted to hear for almost a week now and he had to press his lips shut into a tight line to keep the embarrassing whimper he felt clawing at his throat from escaping.

“I know that you can go to the front desk and the attendant will call for a UA shuttle, doesn’t matter the time, Todoroki has left as late as 3 am”

Oh if that didn’t have something ugly snapping its jaws and thirsty for blood inside Katsuki. At heart, he’s always been explosively petty.

As much comfort as Todoroki being almost equally worried about Deku had been over the last week anytime anyone so much as even accidentally hinted at the ways Katsuki had failed to be there for Deku before now had him seeing red.

Reminding him how others had stepped up and into the places, Katsuki felt he should have been, felt like a slap in the face. But coming from Deku the anger he felt turned inward.

Where he usually saw red, all he saw was green. Not the warm emerald hue of Deku sitting in front of him, but dark bitter jealous green.

Petulant ‘whys’ clawed at his ribs. Why did people who’d only know Deku for a year have a more prominent roles in the nerds life than he did after knowing him forever, why did Deku have to like those extras so damn much, why didn’t he realize sooner how important Deku was, why did he have to care about any of that at all, why did Deku have to bring up that goddamn candy cane, why did Deku want to send him away, why wasn’t Deku even half as desperate to stay by his side as he was, why why why?!

He voiced none of these thoughts, instead just continued staring grumpily ahead. Hoping Deku didn’t notice how heavy his breathing had gotten or how he tightened his grip on the chair's armrests.

Deku took another sip of water before continuing. “I’m happy you’re here, really, it means a lot to me.” He let a genuine full smile slip on his face, he didn’t want Kacchan thinking he wasn’t grateful for his presence.

He really was happy that Kacchan was the first person he got to see upon waking up.

Circumstantial or not the fact that Kacchan was here with him now was a deep comfort to him and a pleasant way to wake up. Usually, it was to his classmates' forced positivity or his overly fussy weeping mother and that never got easier to deal with. As confusing as the change was it was a nice one. And he told him as much.

Why did Deku always know exactly what to say to people? When he, Katsuki Bakugo, couldn’t say anything at all.

Normally the instant relief his body felt at Deku’s words just pissed him off, but tonight exhaustion took its toll.

He felt the tears he’d been fighting all week fall hot and sticky down his cheeks, embarrassment shame and guilt tinted his face a splotchy pink. When he felt the lump in his throat give way to a choked hiccup he didn’t just crack, he shattered.

Ugly sobs racked through him and he buried his face in his hands and dug his fingers into his hair.

Why was the only familiar part of this him breaking down in front of Deku? He’s known Deku his whole life. He should have been the first and last person in Deku’s hospital room every time from the very beginning if for nothing more than obligation. Any one of those times could have been the last time.

Deku would have slipped away from him, and Katsuki would have been one of the last ones to know.

He hadn’t because he knew it’d always end up like this, him blubbering like a baby over Dekus hospital bed and he couldn’t risk it before. Too desperate to keep that little voice inside him that picks apart his every sign of weakness quiet.

It never goes away and UA had made it so much louder, he couldn’t give more feed to the fire. That’s exactly what Deku does to him.

On bad days Katsuki feels the little claws of insecurity scratching at his brain comparing him to Deku, that Deku’s surpassing him because he’s weak and he’s going to get left behind, he’s going to be forgotten.

On equally bad days he surpasses Deku completely and the voice switches gears, telling him he doesn’t deserve Dekus praises. That he’s a hopeless brat with an oversized ego and Deku’s words are empty. Katsuki hasn’t earned them, and he never will, Deku’s just placating him.

Katsuki doesn’t have good days.

Why did he even care though, Deku has seen him cry a dozen times and never once has it changed anything, hell Deku cries all the time.

But Deku’s never been debilitated by crying the way he is, Deku always keeps moving like he doesn’t even notice he’s crying. But he, Katsuki, can barely breathe around his tears.

Because he’s weak and a coward and everything Dekus not. Deku’s light years ahead of him in being a better person and by proxy a better hero and he’s never going to catch up.

Delirious with exhaustion Katsukis thoughts keep spiraling out of his control, growing more and more vicious.

He doesn’t even deserve to call himself Dekus' rival, Deku’s going to leave him behind, Deku’s going to keep taking on the world by himself because he’s not strong enough to fight alongside him, Dekus going to get himself killed and it’s all his fault. He’s hyperventilating through his sobs now.

“Wha- Kacchan, what’s wrong?” Deku suppressed a small groan at stretching stiff unused muscles as his scrambled brain had him lurch forward to grasp Kacchans wrists, he can see where blunt nails dig into his scalp. Gently as he could, Deku replaces callused hands with his crooked ones.

“Hey look at me.” He lifted Kacchans head to meet his eyes and took deep slow dramatic breaths encouraging Kacchan to match his breathing. Red eyes frantically scanned his face and clutched his wrists tightly like a lifeline, desperate that Deku doesn’t pull away.

Slowly their breathing synchronized, the tears kept flowing though, Deku was certain he was crying now too but he made no move to confirm this. He just kept watching Kacchan, keeping his own breathing steady. This wasn’t the first time he’s had Kacchan match his breathing, but it is the first time he’s been this close and this obvious about it. Then again Kacchans never looked this desperate.

In the past when he’s noticed Kacchans breathing has sped up and his gaze looks far away he’ll nonchalantly sit down next to him like he hasn’t noticed Kacchans problem at all, then he’ll practice his own breathing exercises a little louder than would be considered polite. Consciously or not Kacchan follows suit.

He’d learned the tactic when he was 7 from his mom helping one of their neighbors on the way to the store, a very nice lady he called Auntie Kay. She had some kind of disorder that gave her bad anxiety and had apparently forgotten to take meds that morning and got overwhelmed by the noise. His mom used to be an assisted living caregiver before she became, well his mom, so she had experience with this kind of thing.

Later she explained what she’d been doing. That you're someone they have a long history of trusting you don’t want to get in their space, just reaffirm to them that they’re safe and try to get them to slow their breathing, focus on breathing out.

1, because It’s hard to concentrate if you don’t feel safe. 2, the human body doesn’t know if it has enough oxygen, it knows if it’s getting enough air and if it has too much carbon dioxide in it, and you breathe out carbon dioxide.

That day his mom was like a mini hero, saving the day with a smile. It made him more aware that there’s more to being a hero than just fighting villains, it’s about saving people.

He can’t fight villains from a hospital bed, he could still be there for others. He could be there for Kacchan.

After a minute he hesitantly thumbed away the freshest tears but that seemed to just make things worse as another sob racked through Kacchan and he tightened his grip on his wrists. It wasn’t until Kacchan finally spoke and he reflexively snapped his jaw shut that Deku realized he’d been making soft shushing noises.

Katsuki tightened his grip on Deku’s wrists as he choked on one last sob thinking that Deku was finally pulling away, but when he just continued to thumb his tears away and making soft little noises he let himself believe Deku wasn’t going to dismiss him again.

Katsukis never let himself be comforted like this by anyone, not even as a child, but he was too tired to fight it, too distraught to care about how selfish he’s sure he’s being, and too certain that Deku was the only thing keeping him tethered to reality.

He’s confronted his own mortality a few times this year but none of it had compared to being confronted in real-time with Dekus. Living with Deku so close to death over the last week had taken its toll on everyone but Katsuki especially had been unraveling more and more each day.

The first day he’d been ready to bring the entire hospital down if he didn’t get to Deku’s side immediately. It only got worse from there.

He’d grown more cantankerous than he’d ever been, but the fire in him had been dying out. By the time Deku first woke up and didn’t recognize him the only thing he’d say to anyone was the same mumbled shut up, only sometimes accompanied by half-hearted sparks daring anyone to try to remove him from the room.

Auntie Inko was distraught too but she had let All Might take her home after that first visit and encouraged her to rest there saying something about how no mother should have to see this side of hero work or whatever.

The doctors were probably just worried about what all those tears might do to their equipment, Katsuki certainly had been even if he hadn’t said so.

Katsuki had promised Inko he’d stay by Deku’s' side, she’d looked conflicted about something but they both silently agreed that was a discussion for another day.

Katsuki doesn’t know what to say now but desperately feels like he needs to say something.

He’s terrified it’ll all come out wrong and freak Deku out, Deku who just woke up for real for the first time! He’s terrified of saying nothing and losing his chance to say anything at all because Deku just woke up for real for the first time in a week!

Deku deserves to hear him apologize for everything, but he doesn’t feel like he’s ready to be forgiven and if Deku doesn’t forgive he doesn’t know what’ll happen to him, he may very well implode.

If Deku turns him away then the kindest thing the universe could do for him would be to ignite every nitroglycerin-soaked cell in his body and just let him go. But the universe isn’t kind and will instead make him force himself out of this room and into a UA shuttle and into a life where everything green fades into bleak gray.

“Kacchan, your muttering” Deku says with the softest smile Katsuki has ever seen, and he feels like all his broken pieces have begun melting.

Deku stays silent, thumbs rubbing gentle circles. He seems content with doing nothing more than smiling at him until the sun comes up. And Katsuki feels another sob rip through him as he forces himself to speak.

“I meant it when I told you to keep your eyes on me.” The desperation in his own voice sounds like nails on a chalkboard to him. “I want you to know to look for me, and that I’ll be there. Even outside of heroing. I want you to expect me at every turn, forever. I don’t wanna be unexpected”

Deku leans forward and Katsuki thinks he’ll stop breathing all over again until their foreheads bump together. Deku’s looking right in his eyes, and he’s so close Katsuki's eyes can barely focus on him. They just stay like that for a small eternity while Katsuki’s heart beats wildly for entirely different reasons. One’s he’s not sure he’s ready to understand.

“Okay, Kacchan”

[voloswag]

thinking about when the protag (i default to akari bc she is the canon protag in my heart) is exiled. walked out of town against her will while everyone around her talks smack. people she bent over backwards to help, spent her blood sweat and tears doing every little ridiculous task and favor they had and were often just too cowardly to do themselves. how the second she became inconvenient, the second she was no longer useful, she was cast aside and left for dead by people in power who should have had her best interests at heart. people she trusted.

how the whole sky looked so sickly and bruised, fitting for the universe of hurt she found herself in without warning. (^:

how it would be so easy to hate everyone and throw it all away, let it all be destroyed, but when the chance to change things for the better arose she still jumped at it. Maybe the hate was still there, maybe the resentment burned like bile in the back of her throat, but stopping the rampaging creation deity was a choice she could make, that’s a situation she could have control over. as much as she may have loathed the world in that moment, she couldn’t heal if she didn’t exist anymore, and she did still want to exist.

and hey, at least when everyone else turned their back on her, she still had volo! (: loyal faithful helpful volo. (and cyllene (💙💙💙) who also made an actual effort to help. there were others but honestly cyllene stands out the most 2 me but i digress)

..................... which, yknow, makes the Big Reveal postgame all the more gutting. here are two people who were abandoned by the world, by the people they loved and trusted, by all manner of authorities (teachers, commanders, gods), used up and cast aside... best friends through thick and thin. and here it is, all over again. insult to injury. an astonishing, agonizing betrayal out of the blue.

maybe the idea of starting the world over might be tempting, but... again, if volo were to have his way, then everything would cease to exist. and yet again, someone else would be the one in control of her entire world--in a very literal way! besides, who’s to say that a reset world would be any better? what if it was worse? so she has to stop him. she wants to. not for jubilife or the universe, but for herself. just so she has control again, a say in something, to stand up for herself when she can’t trust anyone else to ever do the same for her.

like, this is someone who already lost her entire world once, getting universe-yeeted and losing her memories, and even if this new one really sucks sometimes, it’s still all she has and she’s going to be selfish about it if she wants to be!

I just go wild for the idea of the protagonist doing the right thing for the ‘wrong’ reasons while the antagonist does the wrong thing for the ‘right’ reasons, yknow, like. hm. i just think it’s neat. they’ve both suffered and they both want to make that suffering stop, one way or another. they both want control, but on dramatically different scales. they’re both dealing with deep-seated trauma and they both are so much more alike than either would want to admit, but the ONE way they differ??? akari doesn’t make her suffering everyone else’s problem.