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just-horrible-things · 3 years

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This does not fit into the main story I’m telling with chewtoy, which I guess makes it an AU of an AU? But it involves a lot of pain with some of my favourite characters so here you go. Linear timelines are for schmucks. Credit to co-author @whump-sprite

AU: Chewtoy -- Alive [Prev | Alt version]

Anders doesn’t expect the fed to be happy when she wakes up to find herself a prisoner. But he also doesn’t expect the rattle of her testing the cuffs to escalate quite so fast into creaking and banging so loud she must be shaking the entire bed.

“Fucks sakes,” he mutters, putting his drink down.

The noise stops instantly as he opens the door. The woman has frozen mid violent attempt to throw herself from the bed – impressively vigorous despite a shattered hip, a punctured lung, and more bullet holes than the average shooting target – and meets Anders’ gaze with wild, bloodshot eyes.

"Chill," he tells her firmly. "You're hurting yourself." One inch at a time, she lets herself drop shudderingly back to the bed. She doesn’t break eye contact. "I'm chill," she croaks weakly. Even from where he’s standing Anders can hear her gasping for air.

"I just pulled seven bullets out of you," he informs her as he checks her arm to make sure she hasn’t dislodged the line that’s feeding much-needed blood into her veins. "Well, more I vanished them. I've also had a healer put the biggest blood vessel in your body back together. So please stay still."

She nods her head once, jerky. Sweat shines on waxy skin. Hostility is starting to displace the sheer shock from her face. A sullen glare is trying to settle across her features but meeting stiff competition in the agony that keeps her gasping. She says nothing.

Still close enough beside the bed to look directly down at her, Anders lets his gaze shift meaningfully up and down the outline of her shaking body beneath the tangled sheets.

“They shot you,” he tells her. “The feds.” “Yeah,” she acknowledges, voice hoarse. “Seven times.” “Twelve, counting the ones that went straight through. With an assault rifle." "Mh." "No fucking way you'd be alive except that we are magic." She coughs a little and shudders, eyes losing focus for a second. "M'I s'posed t'be ... grateful?" Anders shrugs. "Most people prefer to live, when it comes down to it. But I don't require gratitude."

That could be a tiny nod of acknowledgement, or it could be another stifled cough.

"Do you know who I am?" he asks her. "Yes." "Tell me." "Anders Reyan." No insults or accusations, and no pushback against him making it an order. "Mhm,” he acknowledges. “And do you know who shot you?" "Yes. Riven Maclauren, senior interrogator. Five-eight-uh, u-uh - five-eight-seven-seven-eight” – breath – “six-one-two." Maclauren. The man is infamously brutal. Exactly the kind of asshole Anders would expect to shoot through one of his own colleagues. He nods. "And I didn't even ask who you are?" "Ariadne Milonas, six-three-five-seven-six-two-three-six." “Thank you,” Anders nods.

The name doesn’t mean much to him. It’s familiar enough that it was probably on the personnel list he reviewed earlier. More interesting is how completely she’s cooperating. He pulls up a chair beside the bed. Ariadne takes deeper breaths as he stops looming over her. Her gaze drifts again briefly, then snaps back to Anders when he speaks..

“I've wanted Maclauren dead for several years now," he remarks. Her lack of reaction to that idea is unsurprising under the circumstances. “Why do you think he shot you?” “Because I’m disposable.” Prompt and nearly toneless, just like her other answers. It’s almost eerie. Anders softens his tone a fraction. “What do you mean by that?” “I’m – not important,” she elaborates anxiously. “I’m replaceable, they – don’t lose much if I die.” “Is that what they tell all of you?” He wouldn’t put it past them. “Uh, u-uh,” she stumbles, “uh I guess kinda, but, I, I don’t have rank or anything.” “Who told you that?” “Told me…” her forehead knits “-- sorry? That, not worth anything? Maclauren.” “Mm. How about you tell me where he lives?” “Sure,” she agrees instantly. “Uh, u-uhm, uh…” Her eyes widen as she hesitates, as obviously afraid as if Anders had a hand rested over a bullet wound ready to dig fingers in. “It’s, it was, uhm–” “Take your time,” he tells her. “Thank you,” she whimpers, helpless enough to send a chill down Anders’ spine.

She takes a deep breath, but she doesn’t really take her time. She stumbles her way through the address, correcting herself more than once. She only breathes again once she’s watched Anders write it down.

He has more questions. He didn’t expect this to be so easy, but he’ll take the opportunity.

“Do you know the whereabouts of a Kev Bowers? Kevin Bowers?” She shakes her head fractionally. “I don’t know that name, I’m sorry, sir.” “He’d be a prisoner in your cells.” “Description?” she asks anxiously, flinching a little. Anders can do one better. He shows her a picture. She looks closely. “I haven’t seen him,” she states with a fraction more confidence. “If, mh, if he’s in Site 17 he’d be in Block 1 or Block 3, I only work Blocks 2 and 4.” “You’re an interrogator too?” She cringes against the bed, shoulders drawing in in an attempt to make herself smaller. “... y-yes, sir,” she admits, looking down and away. “Mm.” Anders doesn’t feel too bad about the choice not to give her painkillers. “How about Cassie Parish?”

She answers with minimal hesitation for every name or face he gives her. Yes, she’s seen them. No, she hasn’t. No, but the name is familiar. Yes, they’re dead. Yes, and here’s their cell number. “Take your time,” Anders reminds her every time she starts to trip over her words too badly. And by the end of the list she’s stammering and flinching a little less than before.

Anders takes a second to decide what to ask next. He doesn’t want to shock her out of whatever’s motivating her to be so cooperative by jumping to anything too sensitive too soon.

The fed waits silently for the next question, gaze locked onto Anders.

“How about your colleagues?” he tries. “Any other less-than-friendly coworkers you want to tell me about?” “Yes sir,” comes the prompt answer. And she starts listing names.

She struggles with many of the details, but she answers questions about ranks and clearances and shift patterns and everything else Anders cares to ask her. She could be omitting details on purpose, but he’s inclined to give her the benefit of the doubt. No one aces a memory test while in that much pain.

The first time he really doubts her honesty, is when he asks for her access code for the main building.

Her eyes go saucer-wide and her breath catches audibly. “I-I don’t have access to that, sir,” she stammers. “Mm,” Anders hums. “You should. You told me you’re a federal interrogator.” “You n-need someone more important I-I’m sorry.” Her tone has turned pleading. “I-I’m not – I don’t get to go a-anywhere…” “What do you mean?” “I-I – the doors don’t open I don’t –” He can see her hyperventilating, chest fluttering with tiny fast breaths. “-- I – clearance – I – haven’t –” “Take your time.” It comes out a little gentler than Anders intended. Her obvious terror is a little alarming. He hasn’t even threatened her.

She takes a deep gasp of air as if Anders just gave her permission to breathe. “Sorry – I – sorry –” One more deep breath, and she’s straight back to talking. “I don’t have clearance for, f-for nearly a-anything, sir. I’m not – I just – sorry –” breath, hold, exhale “-- I just do Maclauren’s grunt work, I-I don’t need clearances.” “He’s your boss, and he shot you twelve times.” Anders shakes his head. “Is that why you’re so willing to cooperate with me?” “I hate him,” she breathes, and makes a short sharp sound that might be a tiny laugh or might just be pain. “I do too,” Anders agrees.

She watches his hands very closely as he reaches forwards to unlock the cuffs. They were always a formality, it’s not like she’s in any condition to be dangerous. Her wrists are bruised. She doesn’t try to move her hands, even once she’s free.

“He’s scarred some of my favorite people for life,” Anders tells her as he puts the handcuffs away. “Why do you hate him? Other than the bullets you just took.” “He hurts me,” she says plainly. “I’ll do anything that’ll help you kill him, but I-I’m not much use. Wouldn’t even make good bait –” and that’s definitely a little half-hysterical laugh.

Anders holds up a hand to stop her, and gets an instant mumbled “sorry,” for his trouble. “Hurts… how?” “Whip mostly,” she answers, as if that were the most normal thing in the world. “Fucking –” Anders starts to curse, and stops himself at seeing her flinch. “Alright. I’ll kill him,” he declares. “That should be something to go on. Thank you for your help.” She watches him silently, not looking at all reassured. Anders sighs. “You’re bleeding,” he observes.

She probably reopened all her wounds when she was thrashing earlier, and it’s taken this long to soak through the bandages and into the blanket.

Ariadne looks down at the red stain, and then at the line putting blood into her arm. “Sorry,” she mumbles.

She doesn’t move as Anders pulls the sheets back to confirm that yeah, she’s bled through the bandages in a couple of different places. Her teeth grit together and she whimpers – “hhnnh!” – as he touches the first dressing.

Now that he looks, Anders sees what he didn’t before. What the healer didn’t feel the need to mention. The bruises layered between the gauze. The marks from the whip. “You were not exaggerating, huh,” he grumbles. She doesn’t answer. She only watches him with teary eyes full of the kind of pleading desperation that makes Anders’ skin crawl.

He gets up to find her a painkiller before he touches anything else. He doesn’t ask before putting it into the IV. He can too easily imagine her taking it as a cue to beg and he does not want to handle that right now. He already feels like an asshole for waiting this long.

She was definitely some kind of prisoner in there, between the marks all over her body and the way she’s behaving.

He’s expecting the earnest mumbled “thank you” as she starts to feel the effects of the drug, but it still makes him wince.

At the very least she looks a little less petrified when he sits back down to have a second look at her bandages. “Covering a person in stripes and shooting them isn’t exactly the way to inspire loyalty,” Anders comments, speaking to her to distract from what his hands are doing as he starts to change the dressings. “No sir,” she manages between stuttered breaths. “I’m not. – Loyal, I mean. At all.”

When he has to touch her broken hip, she cries with the pain. She’ll need more healing, soon as there is more healing to spare. Anders is ready to hold her still with magic, but she doesn’t squirm. Just tangles her fingers in the sheets and stares at the ceiling, gasping at every touch. When the broken bones shift she moans low in her throat and shudders. “Easy, easy,” Anders tells her, “almost done.”

Once he’s finished with the hip and she’s done gasping, he gives her water. He tries putting the bottle into her hand, and her fingers do close around it, but she’s shaking badly and lacks the strength to hold it for herself. Anders keeps his hand around hers and helps her lift it to her mouth. “Thank you, sir,” she exhales breathlessly when she’s done.

Anders almost corrects her, but he doesn’t. He doesn’t want to hear her say thank you, Anders in that exact same tone.

“I’m… not loyal,” she repeats, still panting, as Anders moves on to the last of the dressings. “I’ll tell you whatever. I… I guess he knew it and, and … didn’t want’m to take me alive…” “Well, here you are,” says Anders. “Alive.” “Y-yeah… Thank you.”

He pushes his chair back at last, showing her his hands to demonstrate that he’s done touching. A little magic cleans the blood from the blanket and he lays it carefully back across her body.

“Question, Ariadne Milonas.” It’s a little unfair, given her current position. But her response might still be telling. “Do you hate me.” Ariadne blinks up at him, looking haggard and bewildered. “No sir,” she answers hesitantly. Anders nods. “No need to call me sir, this isn’t the military.” “Sorry.” “I suppose you’d rather not go back, then?” The very thought widens her eyes again. She shakes her head. “I was thinking to use you as leverage,” Anders elaborates, “but to hear you tell it that wouldn’t work well. Alright.” He stands up. “Then you stay.” “Thank you,” Ariadne repeats, sounding perfectly earnest. “Get some rest,” he tells her. “Thank you.” “We’ll talk in the morning.”

#my writing #anders reyan #ariadne #chewtoy!ariadne #au: chewtoy

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louiseleblancdiggory · 4 years

Note

okay but what about a 'The Way I Loved You' by TS Au for Rowaelin with Punk!Rowan?? pretty please??

A/N: The way I rushed to post this. I have a bunch of fanfics to write before October is over, and now that I’m finally not sick anymore, I’ve been trying to rush and write them but this prompt.....

The Way I Loved You

“So I’ll pick you up at seven, right?”

Aelin smiled, nodding. “Yeah, seven is perfect.”

Chaol smiled back, putting a hand on her back as he bent down to kiss her. Even though she knew she shouldn’t, Aelin tensed slightly. She had been dating Chaol for three months now, and it wasn’t that kissing him made her uncomfortable, it was just different.

For two and a half years, she had been used to kissing a different guy.

A guy she could feel the stare at the back of her head.

Chaol withdrew, still smiling at her. Aelin forced a smile to appear on her lips, giving him a quick peck on the lips before taking a step back. She needed to go to her class, and even though she didn’t let herself turn around to confirm, she knew Rowan was still staring at her.

Part of her could understand the staring. They had broken up four months ago, and Aelin rushed to find someone new. Not to throw it at his face that she could, but just because she had felt so fucking bad at the end of their relationship, that she figured that the best cure was to jump right back at another one. It kinda worked most of the time. The other part of her, the part that felt like the solution wasn’t working out perfectly, wished he would just start ignoring her existence. Would stop looking at her, being in the same room that she was.

Preferably, stop being in the same continent that she was.

As she left the senior lounge— pointedly not looking back— she let her mind wander to months and months back when all this tension didn’t exist. Aelin had known Rowan since forever. He had been at her class from elementary school until high school, and she knew that they were also going to the same college when they graduated in two months. Until sophomore year of high school, though, Aelin had never exchanged more than three words with him. They had been different at everything their entire lives, and so both never showed any interest in having a single conversation with one another. In elementary school, while Aelin focused on the art classes, Rowan only ever showed a human reaction during music class. In middle school while she was part of every single club she could find, Rowan had been too busy avoiding every club that could find him. In high school, while Aelin dedicated her life to her grades, being cheer captain and part of the volleyball team, Rowan simply worked towards paying off his motorcycle, working at Lorcan’s dad’s mechanic shop, and almost getting arrested every now and then.

Honestly, it had been a miracle that they even knew about each other’s existence.

The only reason they actually met was because of Chemistry. Aelin had absolute no interest in the subject, but since her mother had been bothering her to take it, she relented during her second year of high school. As she had chosen to take it in advanced placement, they had a whole period of the normal class plus the addition of half a period of laboratory. To her chagrin at the time, she got paired up for the labs with the single person in the whole class she wasn’t friends with.

Rowan fucking Whitethorn.

She found some comfort in realizing that he was just as excited to work with her as she was to work with him, but since he was always polite during the labs, she didn’t find a reason to dislike him. He was coldly neutral, and, surprisingly, a fucking genius. If it hadn’t been for him, Aelin would have bombed every single lab, quiz and test they had in that godforsaken class.

Despite both of their reputations, Aelin found out that she had more in common with him than it looked, and that she also liked him a lot more than she would have ever thought. When comfortable around people, he was actually pretty chill and funny. One of the biggest things that made her befriend him, though, was the fact that he didn’t fucking care about anything that didn’t concern him. Rumors? He was too busy for that. Reputations? Nope. Social status? Couldn’t care less.

While so many people in the school saw her as an athletic bimbo, Rowan met her with absolute 0 preconceptions because he never fucking cared about them. Since the beginning, he met Aelin for who she really was, and not the person everyone at the school had a different perception of.

Maybe this was one of the reasons she fell so deeply in love with him.

Things had been normalish. They didn’t know about each other, they met, became friends and then started dating. Nothing too out of the ordinary.

The dating though.

Dating Rowan had been… wild. Not in the bad sense, no. It had been like a roller-coaster all the time. Like driving down an empty highway at 150 per hour, windows open, and screaming your lungs out. It had been fun, and it had made her feel so alive that she could still feel it when she closed her eyes. It had made her blood boil, every single nerve jump. And yet, at the same time, being with him never made her feel so calm, so comfortable. Rowan was what shook her world, but also what made her feel steady.

Loving Rowan Whitethorn had been the biggest adventure of her life.

Their relationship had been the perfect mixture of actual love and burning passion.

The passion was sometimes almost blinding, and it made her do things she would have never though she’d have the courage to do. Rowan encouraged her to push her limits— always safely, he’d make sure of that—, and Aelin enjoyed her life to the maximum. They went on a trip across the east coast on his motorcycle during the summer, went bungee jumping at the neighboring state to celebrate his birthday, and skydiving to celebrate hers. Aelin had asked her dad once, at two in the morning, to take her to the police station to bail Rowan out after he punched someone hard enough to make the other guy black out. The fact Aelin’s dad hadn’t killed her and Rowan after it had been a miracle.

The love, though, the love was her favorite part. Loving Rowan was so easy and so different from what she thought loving someone would be. She always thought that love was that blinding emotion, that easy thing that made you burn from inside out, but no. That was passion, and while it was good, love was… more. Loving him had been like sitting at a beach in the end of the afternoon, the wind on her face and the disappearing sun still warming your skin. Loving hadn’t make her feel like combusting, it had made her feel like home. It wasn’t always easy to be in love all the time, but she also found out that the hardships made part of loving.

Love, she learned, was choosing someone every day, the good and the bad, even when you didn’t feel like it. Love wasn’t always perfect, but it was always worth it.

But they fought. Oh, they fought a lot. Despite Rowan’s careless behavior, he was just as stubborn as she was. Their fights had always been filled with screaming, always making her blood boil in a different way. Even when fighting with him, Aelin had never felt more alive. In the end, however, most of their fights were stupid. They never fought about serious shit, and the screaming matches were usually about fucking nothing. They both had been too stubborn to see this, too stubborn to admit that both were usually wrong

The denial was what broke everything.

Aelin didn’t think Rowan would actually think they were breaking up. It was another one of their stupid screaming matches, and Aelin blurted out the first thing that came to her mind. She had been too proud to say she didn’t mean it, and so things ended because of nothing.

She could still see the whole scene. Could still see Rowan going still, narrowing his eyes and then shrugging as if it was nothing. Could still see him leaving. Could still hear her heart breaking. She knew since that instant that she should have gone after him.

She didn’t. He should have known.

And now he would be staring at her every now and then, would be like a fucking buzzard over her life.

“Hello, Earth to Aelin.” She felt a hand on her shoulder, a hand snapping its fingers in front of her face. She snapped back to reality, raising her head to stare at her cousin’s face. Her best friend, Lysandra, was by his side, staring at her with as much concern as Aedion was. “You ok?��

Aelin shook away from his grip, forcing a smile to her lips. “Never been better.”

————

Aelin waved Chaol goodbye, waiting until his car left her driveway to get inside the house.

She sighed, dropping her shoes down as she walked quietly to the kitchen. It was almost two in the morning, and she didn’t want to wake her parents.

Despite her efforts to keep quiet, she couldn’t help the scream that left her mouth when she turned on one of the kitchen lights and saw her father sitting there.

She put a hand to her chest, trying to calm her racing heart. “What the hell?”

“Was that necessary?” Rhoe asked, a smirk on his face.

Aelin scowled. “Why are you sitting in the dark?”

“Makes it all more dramatic.” Her dad shrugged, and Aelin rolled her eyes. She walked to one of the cabinets, taking out a bottle of water. “Aelin.”

She turned at her father’s tone, frowning when she saw his expression. “You’re the one that said no curfew.”

Rhoe shook his head, patting the seat by his side. “Come here, firefly.”

Aelin set the bottle down, cautiously sitting by her father’s side. He had a strange expression on his face, body somewhat tense. “What happened?”

“You like Chaol?”

Aelin frowned at the question, scoffing a little. “Yeah, he’s my boyfriend.”

“You used to have a different boyfriend.” Her dad said, and Aelin understood what the conversation was about.

“Seriously, dad?” She went on the defensive immediately, crossing her arms. “That was months ago. And I thought you didn’t even like Rowan.”

Rhoe actually laughed, a serene smile on his face. “Nah, I actually liked the kid. Despite the motorcycle, the black clothes, constant scowl, and the criminal record, he was a nice guy. And he made you happy. What else a father could wish?”

“Someone who doesn’t have a criminal record?”

Rhoe shrugged. “It’s not like I didn’t agree with him that time I had to take you to bail him out. Some guy harassed Lysandra, Rowan punched them.”

“You sound almost appreciative.” Aelin said, still on the defensive even though a small part of her smiled internally.

Rhoe smiled knowingly. “I am.”

Aelin scoffed, but didn’t say nothing in return. Her father let her gather her thoughts, and both sat in silence for a few minutes before Aelin said quietly. “Chaol is a nice guy.”

Her dad nodded. “He is.”

“He seems easy to love.”

Rhoe got up, pressing a kiss to his daughter’s hair. “No one is easy to love, firefly. That’s one of the main points of loving. We value it so much because it is hard to find, because it is hard to keep.” Aelin raised her head to look at her dad, and he smiled at her. “I’m not telling you what to do. You’re grown enough to take your own decisions. I’m also not telling you to go to a bad relationship, not in the slightest. If I thought something was harmful to you, I’d be the first intervening. But have in mind that people fight sometimes. Gods, me and your mother when we were younger? Like fucking cat and dog.”

Aelin huffed a laugh, vaguely remembering the stories her parents told her.

“But,” Rhoe continued. “It gets better with time, and I think you know that. You get more mature, learn to admit when you’re wrong. I remember when you and Rowan were younger and fought about everything, and yet it got better and better with time. The two of you barely argued during the last year.”

“I know.” Aelin whispered, resting her face against her father’s chest. He hugged her, rubbing her back like he used to when she was younger. She knew that he was right. Despite the fact that she argued a lot with Rowan, Aelin also knew that it had gotten much better. They fought less, and the reason of the arguments never got worse. It was usually childish and they’d laugh about it in the following morning. “I didn’t mean to actually break up with him. I never though he’d think I would break up with him over something so stupid.”

Even though she was whispering, Rhoe heard her. “I know.”

“And I should have told him that.”

“Yes, you should have.”

“I was wrong.”

“You were.”

“I’m not going back to him, though.” Aelin said, some stubbornness still in her. Rowan had absolutely left that day, and didn’t give her the chance to explain afterwards. They were apart for her fault, yes, but he wasn’t the saint in all this.

Rhoe groaned. “Really, Ace?”

Aelin crossed her arms. “He was very comfortable with the breakup. Why should I bother?”

“This whole conversation was for nothing?” Her dad crossed his arms, shaking his head.

“Not for nothing. I know now that I need to stop things with Chaol. I shouldn’t have even started dating him if I wasn’t going to commit completely.” Aelin raised her head to look at her dad. “Gosh, I’m a terrible person.”

“No, you’re young. Young people fuck up sometimes.” Rhoe kissed her head one more time before he started to walk out of the kitchen. He didn’t try to bring up going back to Rowan again, knowing that it would only make her more keen on not doing so. “But now that you recognize this, I hope you fix it. I didn’t raise you to be a liar, let that be by lying to others or to yourself.”

“Gods, you could have ended this conversation a little more lightly.”

Rhoe turned his face around, smiling at her. “Fix it, firefly.”

————

“Aelin? What happened? I left you at your house twenty minutes ago.” Chaol said, rubbing his eyes. He obviously was going to sleep already, and Aelin felt bad about doing this in the middle of the night but she had to get everything done already.

“I can’t do this.” She blurted out, an apologetic look on her face. “I’m so sorry.”

“What?”

“This. Us.” She signaled in between them. “I juts can’t.”

Chaol took a step forward, a frown on his face. “We’re going too fast? I can go in whatever pace you want but—“

“I know this is gonna sound like a shit excuse but it’s really not you, it’s me.” She said, cringing. It was terrible that she used the oldest breaking up method in the book, but it was true.

“Really, Aelin?” He crossed his arms, face morphing into anger. “This bullshit excuse?”

“I understand you’re mad, but I’m really, really sorry. I don’t want to lead you on, and you’re so nice and deserves someone who is completely willing to make the relationship work.” Aelin said pleadingly. “It’s not anything you did or didn’t do, I’m just—“

She wanted to feel as if her heart was breaking, but not even that. Instead, she was feeling relieved. The feeling angered her to no end. She should have been able to fall in love with a perfectly nice and calm guy, but Rowan’s presence had become like a ghost in her life and not even that was possible anymore.

“Not interested.” He finished, voice full of scorn. “If I’m oh so nice, why are you breaking up with me?”

“I—“ Aelin hesitated, not wanting to even mention Rowan. “I just can’t. I can’t be with you.”

“With me specifically.” Chaol said, grounding his jaw. After a second of silence, he let out an incredulous laugh. “Oh, I should have expected that. I’m the very nice guy, and yet you prefer the fucking asshole that Whitethorn is.”

Aelin felt a pang of anger. Of course Cahol would think that. “I’m really sorry. You are a nice guy, it’s really nothing with you.”

“Why don’t you just leave?” Chaol said, already closing the door. “And stay away from me.”

Aelin had the feeling that he didn’t want to hear to any more excuses, and so she just gave him another apologetic look before turning around and going back to her car.

Although breaking up with Chaol had been bad, she knew it wasn’t gonna be the worst part of her night because at that moment, Aelin was pissed enough to want to pick a fight.

And she knew exactly who she was going to pick it with.

As she drove to the apartment Rowan shared with Lorcan and his dad, Aelin went over and over what she was going to say when she got there. Knowing both her personality and Rowan’s, she knew that things would go south very quickly.

Her hands were sweating as she went up the stairs of the four stories building, fingers flexing over and over again as she gathered courage to knock on the door.

Part to her relief, part to her disappointment, no one answered. She knocked again. And again. And again.

On the sixth knock, the door opened violently, and Aelin found herself staring up at Lorcan Salvaterre.

His pissed off face quickly morphed into confusion, and he crossed his arms, leaning against the door frame. “Bimbo?”

Even being all pissed, Aelin rolled her eyes. Lorcan hadn’t like her in the beginning, but now both were actually close friends. Breaking up with Rowan made them separate a little, but good to know that he still liked her enough to use that stupid nickname. “Bully boy.”

Lorcan scoffed. “What have I done to deserve such visit at two in the morning?”

“Where’s Rowan?”

Lorcan tried to contain a smirk. “Why should I tell you?”

“Cause I’m your friend.”

“Nah, not good enough.” He said, letting the smirk appear. Aelin let out a breath, crossing her arms impatiently. “What do you want with him?”

“To talk.”

“You mean scream.”

“To talk.”

“About?”

“Stuff.”

Lorcan’s sarcastic smirk was widening more and more. “What stuff?”

“You’re fucking insufferable. Where’s Rowan?”

Lorcan let out a half cruel laugh. “ Don’t spew fire, baby. He’s in the shop, moping around while you go out with your jock boyfriend.”

Aelin rolled her eyes. “Thanks, could have said that a minute ago.”

“Nah.” Lorcan said, already closing the door. “Fix this mess. Rowan already has a shit mood, and it has only been worse for three months now.”

“You’re one to talk about bad mood.”

“Fuck off, Galathynius.” Lorcan said through the closed door, but Aelin was already rushing down the steps. The mechanic shop was by the end of the street, and she almost ran there.

The storefront was all dark, but the garage door was slightly open, light filtering through the opening. Without further thinking, Aelin crouched, entering through the opened bottom.

“Rowan.” Aelin said, crossing her arms.

Rowan immediately whipped his head around to look at her, eyes narrowing when he noticed her expression. “Why do I feel like you think I did something wrong?”

Despite all the planning, Aelin’s mind was blank. It was the first time she spoke to him in months. “I hate that we dated.”

Rowan let out a laugh, resting against the hood of a car. “You came all the way here, at two in the morning, to tell me that? The dedication is on point, Ace. But shouldn’t you have someone else to talk?”

Oh, he was jealous. Aelin could feel it in his voice. “You’re an idiot.”

“I’m the idiot?” Rowan crossed his arms. “If so, you should really get back to Prince Charming.”

“He’s nice.” Aelin said for some reason. When Rowan raised his eyebrows in mocked interest, she felt her blood boiling. It was because of this fucking asshole she couldn’t date anyone else. “He’s sensible and incredible.”

“Oh, I’m sure he is. All your single friends must be swooning over your relationship.” Although he was smiling, Aelin didn’t think he was finding any of that funny.

“And he calls me when he says he will. My mom thinks he’s nice, and today when he came to pick me up, he even talked to dad about business.”

“Really? I’m sure Rhoe and Evalin adore him.”

“He respects my space and limits, never asks me to wait. I, comfortable and I literally couldn’t ask for anything better.” The last lie tasted bitter on her tongue, but she didn’t take anything back.

“Wow, that sounds... fucking boring.” Rowan said, simply and with a smile. “And I bet anything you want that you’re fucking bored.”

“Fuck off, Rowan.”

“No, you fuck off, Aelin.” Rowan said, getting up. “You break up with me, you move on, you come here. And for fucking what?”

“You seemed very content in me breaking up with you, so don’t play the high moral ground card.” She replied defensively. “You wanna know what I just did, Rowan? I broke up with my amazingly normal boyfriend because of you.”

Rowan raised his eyebrows, letting out a laugh. “Can’t say I’m sorry.”

“Fuck you!”

“The girl I have loved for years just came here to tell me she broke up with her boyfriend because she still likes me. I’m so very sorry if I’m not currently crying.”

“You left.” Aelin screamed, and Rowan’s smile disappeared. She pointed a finger at him, taking a step forward. “You fucking left me after the stupidest fight we ever had. You fucking shrugged as if dating me wasn’t that important and you. Fucking. Left.”

“You broke up with me, Aelin. What the hell was I supposed to do?” Rowan spread his arms, shouting back at her.

“I don’t fucking know, but you could have showed any emotion that didn’t seem like satisfaction. You could have picked up my calls the following day, and the day after that, and the day after that. Could have asked me if I was serious when I shouted something stupid during a stupid argument.” Aelin’s voice was normal again. “And then Chaol comes and you’re right. I’m fucking bored. He opens the door for me, says all the right things and I’m fucking bored. Even when I feel perfectly fine, I’m fucking bored. I’m bored because I’m hung up over a guy who fucking shrugged when I broke a relationship of years. You shrugged, left and ignored me for days. So you don’t get to be happy about all this.”

“Aelin—“

“No. No, I’m talking now because you didn’t let me do it. I loved you so fucking much and you knew it. Loving you was a goddamn roller coaster and you knew I enjoyed it. And that’s the whole point. You knew the way I loved you and you didn’t let me explain. You knew it and you left, and then ignored me. I’m not saying this is your fault. It’s mine. I shouldn’t have screamed that I wanted to break up with you because I fucking didn’t, ok? I was fucking wrong, and we’re apart because of me. All I wanted was the chance to apologize. So now that you’re finally listening to me, you’re gonna let me apologize like it was the following morning.”

Aelin felt her heart beating fast, and when Rowan just stared at her in silence, she continued.

“I am so sorry I broke up with you. Of course I don’t mean it, and you’re acting like an idiot if you think I was for real. An absolute idiot because you should know I love you. You should know that I’d never break up with you over that. I’m so sorry that I even said that. I shouldn’t have, I let my temper get the best of me and shouted the first hurtful thing that came to my mind.” Aelin breathed in and out, trying to make her heart beat normally. “I’m sorry I even made you believe for a second I was for real. I never wanted to hurt you, and even though I hate the way you left, I understand. Please, please, forgive me and let’s go back to our normal.”

“Ace…”

“That was all I wanted to tell you when I called you a million times, Ro.” Aelin felt her throat twisting, the feeling of missing him for months hitting her straight to the chest. She knew she had been the wrong one in the situation, and even though she despised the way he left, Aelin knew Rowan enough to know that it was just a defense mechanism. “I didn’t even need you to accept me back, I just needed you to know that I was sorry and that I loved you. But you left and acted like everything was fine.”

“I’m sorry, Ace, I—“

“Gods, no. I don’t want you to apologize!” Aelin shook her head. Part of her wanted to hear it, the part that had been infuriated when ignored. The other part, however, the bigger part, didn’t want any apology. “I want you to accept the apology. And if you can’t do it, just say it and let me move on with my fucking life. Because if you can’t and this is it, I’ll have to move on with my fucking life. And I won’t bother you anymore.”

The whole room was silent, and Aelin was staring at Rowan as intently as he was staring right back at her. She could feel her heart beating, not fast anymore but so strongly she could hear it. Her palms were sweaty and, despite the fact that she hadn’t looked for Rowan with that intent in mind, she was hoping he’d accept the apology. That they’d talk and go back to being a normal fucking couple. A couple that no one really understood how it worked— Aelin being cheer captain, in the volleyball team, and every single club she’d find while Rowan was one step away from biting someone’s arm off if they talked to him.

“I was hurt.” Rowan started.

“I know.”

“And angry. And I wasn’t thinking.”

Aelin nodded hope and fear mixing inside her chest. “I guessed.”

“For two years I was waiting for the day you decided to break up with him after you realized I just wasn’t it.”

Aelin frowned, confusion clouding her mind. “What?”

“Oh, come on, Ace.” Rowan scoffed. “We both know you can do better.”

Aelin crossed her arms, eye narrowing. “No.”

“That’s a shit response.”

“Why the fuck do you mean by do better? Dating is not a sport or subject, Ro.”

“Don’t play dumb.”

“I mean it, tho. There’s no doing better. I love you and it is what it is. Nowhere to improve, you’re the maximum for me already.”

Rowan stared at her in silence, and Aelin wanted to say something else, wanted to maybe hug him. But he hadn’t said everything was fine, so she didn’t want to overstep any boundaries. She hadn’t been lying, though. She never imagined there could be anyone better for her, Rowan was just… perfect. What she not only wanted, but also needed. He had never been a missing part of her, but always someone who added up to who she already was.

“I’m sorry I didn’t let you explain.” Rowan said quietly.

“I said I didn’t want an apology.”

Rowan nodded, taking a hesitant step forward. “I love you. Have for years, you know that.”

Aelin nodded, face neutral even though she could feel her whole body relaxing. Worry slowly left her veins, relief and happiness substituting it. “And I love you too. Have for years, you know that.”

Rowan walked slowly up to her, hesitating again before raising his hands to cup her face. Aelin almost sighed in relief. “I should have listened to you.”

Aelin nodded, hope washing her whole expression. “So we’re fine? You forgive me, and we’re like before?”

Rowan bushed his thumb against her cheek, a small smile on his lips. “Yeah, we’re fine and there’s nothing to forgive.”

Aelin felt her chest bursting when he said that. She threw her arms around his shoulders, standing on her tiptoes to press her lips against his. Kissing Rowan after months was like coming back home, his warm and soft lips moving against her almost hungrily. Aelin opened her mouth, letting Rowan deepen the kiss as she hugged him more tightly. Rowan’s hands hugged Aelin by her waist, pressing her body against his as his mouth moved gently and yet hurriedly against hers.

Against his mouth, Aelin half sighed, half moaned in sheer happiness.

Tags:

@in-love-with-caramel-macchiato @jlinez @courtofjurdan @aelinfeyreeleven945tbln @ladywitchling @lexflame @sleeping-and-books @annejulianneh111 @perseusannabeth @linshryver @mu-si-ca-l @camilamartinezdunne @dank-queen7 @minaidss @starborn-faerie-queen @booksofthemoon @loveofbooksandwine @jesstargaryenqueen @bluejaberry @multifandommessblog @yesdreamblog @superspiritfestival @ireallyshouldsleeprn @woollycat22 @julemmaes @claralady @abookishfreak @faerie-queen-fireheart @maastrash @morganofthewildfire @queen-of-glass @heirofthenightcourt @booksbqueen @heirofthrnightcourt004

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minaa-munch · 4 years

Text

@furrymakerkid asked: writing request for you sweet mun. Minato was too smart to know no feeling was good. How did he cope with it? He didn't have Jiraiya Kushina or his team in the beginning.

Here’s a short answer: He didn’t.

Warning: Kinda dark and maybe NSFW if you squint. Possible triggers may include blood, gore and morbidity [it’s war, ne? Although I’ve restrained my descriptions...er, tried to. I hope you can read it, @furrymakerkid]

Disclaimer: This is my interpretation. Yours may be different and that’s okay - to each their own.

Image credit: Rurouni Kenshin

The trees whispered in soft, breathy murmurs as a gentle wind meandered past their many, leaf laden branches. All was calm, almost eerily silent sans the constant patter of boots against the bare crumble of rock; hushed whispers that were broken by the faint whistle of weapons and the occasional intake of breath. The usually relentless, rough soil was wet, almost muddy; yet there had been no downpour in weeks.

The land of Tsuchi no Kuni wept, while the heavens above bled. The glowing embryo of the sun surrendered to a cocoon of fluffy cumulus, lofty rays bleeding shades of red and orange across the darkening skies as a massacre quietly unfolded below; a beautiful painting, if only in the nature of its innate, organized chaos.

It would be nightfall soon.

“...”

It didn’t matter who raided which settlement first. What mattered was the fact that both sides had to keep an even body count. The dictum regarding warfare they were taught in the academy hardly covered such tactics; a few measly lectures so that bright eyed academy students wouldn’t take the trade less seriously.

It was all fun and games until someone lost a limb on their first field mission. Minato, in that regards, had been rather lucky. Where most cadets would rely on a team to ensure the success of a raid, all he needed was a handful of kunai.

He had always been ridiculously fast - even by regular standards.

The metal loop settled comfortably against his palm as tan digits curled around the hilt, seamlessly pushing it through with one, smooth movement before wrenching the weapon sideways, slicing the unexpected chest like one would tear open a package. Bloodied entrails followed the blade’s wake; peeking out of the soft folds of uneven, torn skin as the still pumping organ convulsed uselessly against twisting branches.

It was a quick execution; a means he had devised after their last field run. The metal loop of his kunai swung easily around his index finger as the waste was swiped off with a sharp flick of the wrist. Blue hues barely caught the woman’s expression as she dropped to her knees; he was already moving, the chakra signatures from his earlier sensory scan twinkling like quaint little targets.

They would be quick kills, for Minato hardly had the time for mercy. A kunai through the eye for anyone stupid enough to look his way, the splattered remains of a skull of a nin ambitious enough to try and sneak up on him, whereas most of the others barely got a chance to blink before deft digits pierced their forms with relative ease. Pure chakra would bounce off his skin like a controlled gale, as his natural wind affinity reduced muscle to fleshy ribbons.

It wasn’t needlessly cruel, per se; it simply happened to be the most effective in ensuring a kill. Besides, he had stopped feeling the warmth of skewered innards ages ago.

“Kami willing may you choke on your own blood”

The words drifted into the faint breeze that swept past their drenched fields; the scent of copper and compost intermingled into a sickly fragrance which sunk into his skin, down to his very bones.

Kami willing? As if Kami existed for people like them.

And then he heard it; a constant low hum that swelled to a certain crescendo, painting his subconscious in a murmur of static. Minato blinked curiously at his quivering fingers before casting a furtive glance around the field of littered innards and crimson. Hardly a soul in sight and yet...trailing off, blue hues returned to the tremble that had somehow seeped into his wrist. He couldn’t feel the slash decorating his palm, but he could definitely see the discoloration associated with poisoned weapons. Ugly strokes of yellows and blues bloomed all over his hand like pale, deathly flowers and he nearly dropped his weapon.

Fuck.

-------------------

“Er...it wasn’t your first kill, was it?” The question was asked nonchalantly enough, as practiced hands wound a roll of gauze around his discoloured counterpart. Minato shot him a flat, unimpressed look which was met with a barely concealed smirk as he tied both ends with a vicious tug.

“I mean...you never get injured.” He continued, as Minato retracted his hand, giving it an experimental poke. “Lucky for you, you got back in time otherwise you’d lose your good arm.”

He was making fun of him, wasn’t he? “Yeah. Lucky.” the blond replied, tone as dry as the man’s wit before he curled his bandaged digits, “What about the hallucinogenic side effects?”

Would it have even mattered if it had been his first kill? The nin had been alive one moment and then he just…hadn’t. Was he supposed to feel something special about that? Besides, he had attacked Minato first.

Regardless. It had been so long ago, he hardly remembered the face associated with the deed. Since his deployment at Kusa, he had killed so many more with seldom a thought that he couldn’t be bothered to remember what they looked like. His last count had been, what, thirty three consecutive solo kills in thirty minutes? That was more than one life a minute.

Mere statistics. It didn’t matter.

“Noise huh? It's the first I'm hearing of it.” Cue the methodical tap of wood against an unshaven chin, “Say, ever considered signing up for the psych evaluation thing they proposed back at HQ? I mean...there's nothing physically wrong with you. Maybe it's in your head." He placed his brush down on the makeshift table before letting out a snort, much to Minato’s chagrin.

“If what they’ve been harping about at HQ was true, we’d all be classified as nuts anyways.” The medic laughed, his grey hair reflecting warm honey in the dim lighting of the medical tent. Bemused, he took off his glasses to wipe a tear, before shooing him away with gloved digits. “Get going, Namikaze. We need you on the patrolling grounds. The war will be over soon, ne?”

Coloured hues met dark counterparts, bleeding ink and whispering false nothings.

“Ne?”

-------------------

Hours turned into days, days turned into weeks, and the persistent whine in his head refused to shut up. Many an evening would witness the blond shifting his reading scroll to the side, just to press rough finger pads against his closed, burning lids.

He couldn’t recall the last time he had slept. Granted, Minato wasn’t one to sleep much to begin with; he was young, ridiculously curious and had the collective energy of twelve hyperactive gerbils. Still, he had always managed to clock in a few hours before, but this...

It was so damn loud. Minato couldn’t even concentrate for more than a few minutes before the constant low hum poked at his subconscious like a poisoned senbon. It tore at his mental-scape and sensory peripheral akin to flames consuming dry bark. Gone was his natural, healthy tan that had stayed resolute despite their meagre military rations, only to be replaced by a yellowish pallor, along with dark smudges underneath his weary hues.

A part of him was tempted to write to Jiraiya; the man always had answers to all the questions. They were in contact, of course, despite the state of the war and whatnot. Courier runs were few, but very dependable - but could he really divert the Jōnin’s attention from the frontlines where he was undoubtedly needed?

No, he couldn’t be that childish. Their local medic had dismissed his concerns too, so clearly it wasn’t that big a deal.

Right?

His seniors had different answers. Some blamed the weather, some considered the possibility that an enemy had contaminated their food supply [“I’ve been feeling kinda itchy myself.”] While some had nothing to offer at all. No answers. They figured he was finally losing his mind, after killing so many - in fact, most were still wary of him since even the older Chunin in their unit showed a little hesitance when it came to those child scouts who were no older than academy students.

But Minato? He operated on autopilot. For someone so young and without a hint of malice on his features, he was surprisingly cold hearted. Most of the new Chunin cadets steered well away from him, either in awe or fear whereas his older, more experienced counterparts often regarded him with complacent silence.

Not exactly friends, but comrades. They could probably share a few drinks together. Not converse though. Perish the thought.

The constant, low drone was driving him mad.

Arizuwa Yana; an experienced Chunin from the reserve strike unit apparently had a few theories. Said theories were dry at best, with little speculation as to the nuance of phantom sensations, though with plenty of promises of actual sensations.

Somehow, one thing had led to another and they had ended up intertwined together in one of the darker corners of the many, many tents in their unit. He was a few years younger than her, but apparently that wasn’t a problem.

Age didn't matter, gender didn't matter - nothing did.

The problem was that despite the hands ghosting his clothed sides, he still couldn’t feel anything; it was like his insides were frozen with nothing sans the constant thrum of sound for company. A frown settled between his brows at the thought as slender, yet calloused fingers tangled themselves within his hair, tugging with an odd sort of insistence.

It did nothing to quell the static he alone could still hear, could practically sense crawling under his skin like wild, feverish ants.

Static. It seemed that was the only thing he could feel these days.

And this…this wasn’t helping. Blue hues flickered to dark, older counterparts before tan digits removed themselves from the soft swell of her pretty face. “I’m sorry, senpai.” Is all he managed to say, not really sorry at all before the same fingers found her forehead, jutsu a mere whisper against her flushed skin.

Yana senpai was out cold in the span of a heartbeat. Dull orbs stared at her peaceful features for a few precious seconds before he rolled over, gaze fixed on the sloping ceiling and a forearm resting against his forehead.

Maa...what a waste.

-------------------

Jiraiya sensei,

How are things at the front lines? Yuuhei taicho told us that Amegakure had officially joined the fray and you would be deployed there soon. Gambatte, sensei.

Ano…sensei, I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I’ve stopped feeling things. It started out as a weird sort of numbness, as if I was looking at the world through someone else’s eyes. I don’t even feel the sting of a cut anymore.

I’m scared. Is this a good thing? Oh by the way, you won’t believe what I found about that fuuin combination you told me about that one time. If it’s truly what you say it is, the Nindaime might have been on to something. See, if you swap the earth and wind constructs then the combination gets altered. I tried something with one of my fuuin tags today and the results were kinda wonky but in a good way. Let me know when you get this and I’ll send you all the workings I did.

Minato

He purposefully left out the bit where a part of him wanted to hide behind the elder, shaggy white mane and all, and stay in the comfort of his towering shadow. He had wanted to, though - desperately, too. But his writing brush had paused, a lone drop of ink blotting the parchment and upsetting his neat signature.

That had decided it then, hadn’t it? Gloved digits had rolled the parchment in a neat scroll, bound it with a convenient little fuuin and handed it in for the next courier run.

His paranoia was silly. Kusa was one of their priority outposts; full of experienced comrades and they were armed to the teeth. They were as safe as they would ever be. Besides, he had a near perfect kill streak - no one in their right wits would target him; Konoha’s number one rookie genius.

He felt so horribly alone though.

You’re not a child anymore, Minato.

-------------------

Three weeks. No reply. The constant fighting was taking its toll on all sides; with dwindling numbers and increased recklessness. Their tiny little outpost presently served as the main rendezvous point between the frontlines fighting Iwa and the reserve forces that had set up camp a few miles away. The war would enter its final phase soon and everyone was too bone tired to complain.

Minato wanted to send another message, but if Jiraiya hadn’t had the time to respond to his previous letter…

Sigh. Clothed shoulders sagged a little while the side of his face met loosely curled digits, expression forlorn. Next to him, Inuzuka Saito quirked an eyebrow but said nothing. They were both stuck with watch duty, in case the platoon that had been sent out to assist their frontlines against Iwa a few days ago came stumbling back.

Initially, Minato had been a part of it too, but Yuuhei taicho had ordered otherwise. He and a few others would be used to sneak from behind and attack Iwa’s unguarded backs. His experimental jutsu was perfect for the purpose, and he had a near flawless strike record so far.

And in the off chance he failed? It would be...understandable. The wars saw their fair share of victims and the Memorial was an honour for any loyal, Konoha nin.

The very thought made him taste bile. Tan digits curled into a trembling fist at his knee, as frigid blue hues glared a hole through the encroaching shadows of dusk that surrounded their camp. Kusa was known for its rich forests; gigantic fauna and rivers that made it the perfect terrain to hide and lie in wait. Nightfall usually witnessed the shadows that clung to its natural, beautiful scenery slip from their places and creep inwards, bathing all matter; living and non-living, in its eerie, peaceful silence.

Yet he had not experienced any blissful silence in so long; the static was a constant thrum in his mental-scape, one he had learned to accept. The Namikaze would be damned if he lost what constituted as his sanity to a useless murmur of sound; he had not survived through the countless murders to plead death by insanity, had not endured the constant stench of rot and copper which hung around his frame like the scent of mustard oil that he used to maintain his weapons.

Had not sliced through flesh despite the whimpers begging for mercy--

Cue a shuddering sigh as eyes squeezed shut and he felt the urge to rip out his own hairs. Trembling digits inched upwards, intending to do just that before Saito’s voice broke the spell.

“Are you okay?”

“Fine.”

Namikaze Minato was going insane. Maybe he had always been insane and by Kami, he couldn’t bring himself to care anymore. Blue hues snapped open, staring listlessly at the dark and he swallowed thickly against his now dry throat. His frame tipped forwards; forearms resting against his knees as long, blond bangs hid his terrifyingly monotonous expression.

They would learn to loathe him, to fear him and he would slaughter them like the pointless sacks of meat that they we--

“Mail call!” A second interruption, though this time something actually managed to hit him in the back of his head. Fumbling hands barely caught it before it could hit the ground as the designated courier nin giggled, “Sorry, Namikaze.” Boots crunched against the leaf littered floor before he moved inside the camp, similar calls echoing in his wake. Minato blinked owlishly at the nin’s retreating figure, before shifting his gaze to the messy paper wrapping and miniature scroll that hung listlessly from one of the many corners.

It wasn’t from Jiraiya sensei.

Minato no baka,

Heard you were stuck in Kusa. That sucks ne? You’re surrounded by giant weeds and laughing shrooms. I’ve sent you some of those weird sticky quail egg things you like to cheer you up.

Guess who’ll be deployed soon. Me, that’s who! Maybe we’ll even be at the same outpost. You can show me all the nice napping spots ne? We got news the other day that the war wouldn’t last long. It’s been years already. I hope you’re still…you know, you. I miss you. Why did you stop writing?

Take care of yourself. Better not die or I’ll drag you back from the clutches of the shinigami just to kill you myself.

Kushina

Weird sticky quail egg things? Wait, was she talking about the sticky sweet beans he had accidentally spilled on her once?

“What are you grinning at?”

“Hm? Nothing, nothing.” And yet, there was something. He couldn’t help the silly little smile that tugged at his lips while his current patrol mate shot him a weird look. He was about to open his mouth to ask a second time, but then he saw the half open wrapping resting in the crook of Minato’s arm and made a quick swipe for it.

“Is that natto? Kami it’s been so long! Can I have some?”

“Sure.” Minato wasn’t even paying attention to the greedy fingers that had grabbed the miniature treats as soon as the words left his lips. Blue hues were still trained on the inky scrawl that denoted the kunoichi’s kanji. Kushina had always been an unpredictable little oddball. He didn’t even remember the last time he had written to her, but she clearly did. It made him feel strangely warm.

---And now he wanted to rip his own heart out and squeeze the treacherous, woeful thing until it would beat no more. Trembling digits rolled the scroll before a sweaty palm was pressed harshly against his aching forehead, the fingerless, leather glove providing little comfort to the uncomfortable warmth that stung his tightly closed lids.

Kami...what was wrong with him?

As if Kami existed for people like them.

Endnote: This took me far longer than I thought I would. Apologies! Ano, extra trippyness can be accorded to Koko, ne? She mentioned insanity, and since you had already tempted my inner crazy...

#Namikaze Minato #war #Uzumaki Kushina #Jiraiya #story post #furrymakerkid #tw; blood #tw; gore #tw; a little trippyness #Minato is kinda...nuts #hints of impending MinaKushi #I love exploring twisted minds #angst #my giant pile of drafts is on you furrymakerkid #blame Koko for added trippyness ne #separate post because the read more option died in the first one #apologies for polluting your individual dash(es)#headcanon

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ellohcee · 4 years

Text

Okay let’s try this again long AU (The Mad Ones) under the cut (not mine these were sent in by @jubilantscribbler / @jubilantwriter )

yeah samE i said that about hadestown too fkldsf anYWAY im sending this in multiple asks so that you can hide it under a readmore okayy here i GOO- SO. It starts with David driving away from the city and heading out to somewhere - maybe to see the ocean, maybe to go hiking in the mountains, maybe to take a trek in the great plains, maybe to venture out into the countryside - he's not sure yet, but he's hyping himself as he drives and drives, just watching the city fly by. (1)

BUT. He blinks and he's still in the city. Even worse, he's still in his mom's driveway, sitting in a car with the key still in his hand, and his foot is still firmly on the brake. He blinks and feels crushed under the fact that he's not going away to go hiking forever in nature, but instead, he's supposed to be getting ready for college because he just graduated, and just as he's about to start crying, he hears Jasper speak up like, "Damn, and here I thought you wouldn't choke." (2)

David turns and sees his best friend, his childhood friend, sitting in the passenger seat and grinning like he always does, and David nearly cracks and whispers, "What are you doing here? You're not supposed to be here." And Jasper just shrugs and rolls his eyes like, "Sure, but I'm here anyways." And David's like, "You're not real, I'm sitting alone i-in a car-" and Jasper's like, "Yeah, my car. Alone. What are *you* doing?" (3)

GHHH what a cold open, David in his happy daydream and suddenly snapping back to a cold terrible reality. AHH I ALREADY LOVEHATE IT.

(4) And David's sputtering and trying to convince himself and Jasper that David's supposed to be getting ready for college, and he just needed a moment, he's stressed, he knows what he wants, stop questioning him, stop doubting him, this is what he's supposed to do, this is what he needs to do, so leave him alone like he's supposed to be, and suddenly there's too many thoughts, too many memories happening at once- and then Jasper snaps him out of it for just a minute.

(5) Jasper calms him down by reminding him of the one time he managed David to skip school, and it's enough for David to just relive the moment with Jasper vividly, and he remembers feeling that freedom, of being happy and alive and enjoying the moment with Jasper. It's all to calm David down and getting him to cheer up as David remembers that good time and reminding him of what he really wants, and David gets lost in the memory until reality breaks the memory and he's stuck in the present.

(6) Now with his "imaginary" Jasper, as Jasper calls himself, and him back in the car, David remembers that he lost something irreplaceable and can't get over it, and now he's sitting in Jasper's car without Jasper with his future looming over him. But Jasper gently nudges him and reminds him to remember why he's in the car in the first place, and why he has the keys in his hands in the first place. Because he had a plan, and maybe all it takes is a little bit of remembering.

This is already so awful, they had plans together AAHFHHD. But Jasp is always so good at calming David down, bringing him back. As much as I hate that Jasper’s dead this is one of my favorite kinds of setups. Like someone’s heartbroken and it’s kind of a “but how can I go on without you?” feeling and it’s like “You can, you HAVE to.”

(7) Jasper puts the key in the ignition for David and has David go through his memories of his senior year. David remembers Jasper, when he was still alive and bright and in the midst of his rebellious streak, and Jasper laughs as David chastises him for all those times he skipped class and nearly dragged David along with him. But David wanted to go with him. They had dreams - David had dreams that only Jasper knew, and as the end of the crept closer he grew more and more anxious.

(8) David isn't at odds with him mom, but his mom wants the best for him, even if it means pushing him towards a future he doesn't really want, but is stable and ensures he'll live an okay life. Gwen is the voice of reason in their friend group, always telling them off for having their delusions of grandeur, especially Jasper as he seems to lead David into living life based on impulses. He cares about them both tho, and wants to take their advice to heart... when it doesn't stress him out.

(9??) Jasper's the only one who really gets David, and he encourages David at every chance he gets which reveals David's deep seated love for nature, and how he yearns to get out of the city, and not be trapped by gray walls and mediocrity and studying a major he doesn't care for and living paycheck by paycheck, and also he really needs to get his license because he can't depend on everyone all the time or else he'll never truly be independent.

I love all this dynamic it’s so fitting, so perfect. Especially Gwen, she’s so down to earth and she has to be the one with her head on and thinking logically. So fitting. But David and Jasper just wanna be FREE AND IN LOVE DAMNIT FUCK

(10) Despite his internal conflicts, he still applies to colleges and even manages to get into the same one as Jasper, with mixed feelings. They end up touring the college together and partake in a party that leads to David exploding and saying that Jasper doesn't *do* college, Jasper is wild and free and exciting and takes them on roadtrips and is amazing and incredible and doesn't trap himself in the status quo and WOW he's drunk, no he's not, stop laughing, Jasper!

bWABAAHAHA FUCK YOU TUMBLR. (11) Jasper convinces David to recite one of David's favorite passages from his favorite book (because the book is important in the musical but let's pretend it's about the mystique of the wilderness and the freedom of exploration and freedom), and David recites and hypes them both up because of how excitedly he recites it with passion, and Jasper suggests that they do it, that they run off together and explore and Be the Mad Ones and Live Free and Wild.

(12) Jasper gets more and more excited by the aspect of just... going on the road, just the two of them, doing whatever the hell they want without anyone telling them what to do. And David's trying to be like, "Okay but we need to be prepared and stuff-!" but he's getting more and more hyped by it, and they both start getting excited- up until Jasper gets into his car and begs David to get in. And David freezes and panics and realizes he's... not ready to run yet.

Not crying bc they wanted to run off together NOT ME. BUT LIKE. YOU KINDA DO NEED TO GRAB SOME ShIT FOR THE ROAD JASP WHAT DO YOU HAVE WITH YOU??? AN EXTRA HOODIE AND SOME CRAP IN YOUR CAR? COME ON. Give him a little time you can take off in a few days just don’t tell people about your plans to elope???

(13) Jasper gets upset because they need to leave now before someone stops, but David feels unprepared and they argue and snap and- the memory breaks, and David's facing off imaginary?Jasper and blaming him and saying that Jasper never plans anything and it would have gotten them no where, and Jasper blames him back saying that David put the breaks on, and they keep blaming each other until Jasper yells that if they'd just left that night, he wouldn't be fucking DEAD!

nnoonOIFIDH wHy they figting WJHY ARE THEY FIGHTING I HATE IT. DON’T SAY THAT SHIT JASPER. What’s ten times worse is that this is David’s projection of Jasper therefore his own thoughts so he’s blaming himself through Jasper I hate it???

(14) David storms away from Jasper in tears as Jasper tries to call back to David and apologize, but David just runs to his room and locks himself in there and inevitably buries himself in more memories, but none with Jasper in it. He remembers that after their fight at the party, he went to his other best friend's house - Gwen. She asks about the college visit, and David, still running off his anger fumes, says that maybe college isn't for him, and he should do something else.

(15) Gwen tries to talk some sense into him, telling him that life isn't about always about having fun, that college is the way to go or else they'll NEVER achieve their dreams, and David snaps back that maybe he doesn't NEED college to achieve his dreams, and Gwen yells that real life isn't some fucking book, and if he thinks that's how life works, then he needs to get his head out of the fucking clouds and look around them.

(16) Life isn't like it was back then, it's labor and capitalism, and it's a fucking struggle, but that's the hand they were dealt, and they have to live with what they got. She gets upset and cries because she doesn't want to live like everyday sucks, but that's how it is, and she doesn't get to dream like David does, because she has to work harder to even begin to carve out a dream like David's. She implores him for once to stop trying to live ideally, but to live realistically.

WHY IS EVERYONE FIGHITNG STOP IT

(17) He ends up leaving and going back to his mom's, where his mom worries about her son and the state of his being, and tries to get him to open up to her, and it takes a while, but after some coaxing and cookies, and he opens and tells him about his argument with Jasper and Gwen. She's disappointed that David feels that way about college, but suggests that he finds a compromise - one that's realistic, but still gives him what he wants. He weakly agrees to her because he's tired of fighting.

(18) David goes to bed, only to wake to the sound of a phone ringing. His heart leaps, and David's stuck between the past and present, unsure of where he is. As he stares at his phone, Jasper sits down next to him and suggests he pick it up. It's then that David realizes that he's in the present, but still stuck in the past. Instead of living in the present, he suggests that he doesn't pick up the phone, because like, that'd mean like it never happened. Which means that Jasper... is alive.

David needs THERAPY it sounds like he’s having some serious issues with reality and stress and loss please he needs hterapy hahddha

(19) Jasper plays along and is like, "Okay, if I'm alive now, then we're doing senior year *my way*." So they craft an amazing, fun, incredible senior year filled with laughter and highs and love, and David gets to experience a year with Jasper by his side, and maybe he finally confesses, and maybe they go on a million roadtrips, and he's happy, he's so happy because Jasper's here, and he's alive, and- the phone rings. And the fantasy breaks, and he's in the past again. And he picks up.

FHDShHF THEY COULD’VE HAD IT ALL THEY COULD’VE BEEN SO STUPID IN LOVE TOGETHER

(20) Jasper's mom was the one who called him to tell him that Jasper had died. He'd been crossing the street to return a book - the book he read for David, because it was his favorite book - to the library, and didn't see the car in time. David's world collapses around him, and all he can remember is that night at the party, and why didn't he say yes, why did he say no, and it crushes him as he remembers it over and over again, and he realizes that he can't remember the rest of senior year.

SOBBING HE READ DAVID”S BOOK

(21:) For once, Jasper isn't there to snap him out of it. David has to snap himself out of it, and he digs through his memories of that horrible senior year and remembers the one thing that broke him out of his depressed stupor - Gwen. Gwen was dropping him off at the DMV to take his driving test (again). She's holding a familiar book, and she's trying to smile and talk to him while he's stuck in his head, and finally her voice gets through to him when she suggests something.

(22) While they're waiting for his turn, she says that she read the book he loves, and she kinda gets it now, wanting to explore and see the world, and she suggests that they take a roadtrip together before college, and they can go anywhere, and be anywhere, and it'll just be them two, and he won't have to worry about anything because she'll take care of things for him, and he can just... enjoy. And she smiles, desperate but hopeful, because she wants to see him smile again. But he doesn't.

(23) It breaks him out of his stupor, but only because her words make it sound like it's what he wants (what does he want?), but it's not what he wants, and he remembers Jasper's words of how someone's always gonna come along and try to assume they know what he wants, instead of letting him decide for himself. Gwen's doing it here, even if it's in good faith, he knows this isn't what he wants. He doesn't answer, and she looks heartbroken. Before he can get a word out, his # is called.

SOBBING SHE READ DAVID’S BOOK. SHE’s TRYING GOD SHE’s TRYING BUT THAT WAS THEIR THING THE ROADTRIP

(24) She tells him to go take his test and wishes him good luck. He gets in the car and starts his driving test, stressed out and mind a mess. Suddenly it's Jasper in the passenger seat pretending to be the DMV lady and telling him to listen to him, and that he can help David. He wants Jasper to go away, but suddenly it's his mom, telling him to be careful and slow down, and he needs to take less risks and stay in his lane, where he needs to be. Jasper's voice grows frantic and then it's Gwen.

(25??) Gwen is telling him to follow her instructions, and she can keep him on track and safe, so just keep going straight and drive. David argues that he doesn't want to be safe, and Jasper asks if he wants to take a risk instead. His mom says that risk is fine, if he prepares for it and plans for it. David says he doesn't want to plan for once, and Jasper gently tells him that he can take whatever path he wants as long as it feels right to him, before Gwen says that they need to move on.

Therapy therapy therapy please DAvid I’m beGGING YOU you have so much shit in your head babe please. Fighting to figure out what he wants vs what everyone else wants it’s too much

(26) She begs to him to go with her, even if it's hard, they need to make the right choice. David argues with himself, tries to figure out what he wants as everyone talks over his thoughts and words, his mom begging him to slow down, Jasper begging him to remember, and Gwen begging him to go, before David snaps and tells everyone to listen to him. Finally, he tells them what he wants. He never wanted to go to college, never wanted stay, never wanted to run away. But he wanted to go out and live.

(27) He wants to drive with no clear destination, drive to see and feel and live and nothing else, just by himself. Even if, even if he wishes... he wishes that Jasper was with him. But he knows that he's alone in Jasper's car, talking to himself and remembering, and he hears Jasper say to remember, his mom saying she'll let him go, and Gwen saying she'll step back. And David tells himself to look ahead, don't stop, and don't look back in the rearview mirror. He blinks, and it's just Jasper.

SOBBING

(28) It's just Jasper and David, sitting in Jasper's car in his mom's driveway. Jasper smiles, and reminds David that he passed. He's free. He can leave now. David cries and says that his mom will hate him, and Jasper shakes his head. He worries about Gwen, and Jasper says she'll understand. Jasper encourages him to be wild and free and mad and happy, and to NOT crash his car or he WILL haunt him, smiling through his tears as David reaches for him.

(30) David sobs. "I never got to say goodbye." Jasper takes a deep breath, looking away for a moment before turning back to David with a broken smile. "Sometimes you don't get to say goodbye." "...I miss you." "...I know. Total bummer, right?" David grabs onto Jasper and hugs him tight and begs, "Can't we stay like this?" And Jasper clings to him and says, "You know we can't." "Just for a little longer?" and after a moment of silence, Jasper asks with a soft cry, "What do you want, Davey?"

(FIN) David finally says that he wants to feel the wind in his hair with the windows down, the crunch of dirt under his boots, the smell of the pines, of living just to live. Jasper pulls away with a smile and reminds David that he'll live in David's wants and actions now that he's gone, and when David blinks, Jasper is finally gone. And he's finally moved on. And David finally puts the key into the ignition and starts the car. And he drives away.

NNNGNNDJ I HATE THIS BUT I LOVE IT. I hate every time you kill Jasper and make me love it. My poor boys I’m sO SAD FOR THEM> THEY HAD PLANS THEY WERE IN LOVE THEY WERE GOING TO DO ALL THE SHIT THEY WANTED. Jasper didn’t even get to see SENIOR YEAR IT’s NOT FAIRhFH And poor David just like BLANKED OUT that year of his life and WHO COULD BLAME HIM

When I do listen to this I’m going to have to prepare myself hardcore because I’m going to be a fucking wreck mess especially now that it’s firmly attached to Jaspvid in my head UHHHHH HTHANK YOU

#ellotalks #begging the readmore to work this time please this is so long #i haven't even had my coffee yet please spare me #the mad ones au #and i'm sorry hope it's okay that i tagged you #credit where credit is due YKNOW

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alphonseelriic · 4 years

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3, 4, 10, 11, 12, 17, 20, 21, 26, 31 :)

3. rant. just do it

Ok, maybe this will be a little mean but can someone....tell native english speakers that no one cares about jap sub vs eng dub discourse except themselves? Like, they are sooo tiring and at the end of the day it's just a matter of personal preference... The people who feel superior for watching subs are dumb/pretentious and I won't defend them, but also some of the arguments in favor of dubs kinda make me salty bc they come from a place of such privilege, like "some people don't like reading subtitles" or "some people prefer consuming media in their own language", and yeah i'm not saying they aren't valid but it's obvious those things only apply to english speakers bc the rest of the world does not have the freedom to choose most of the time. This is speacially bad outside of anime, like what happened with Parasite. So many entitled americans bitching about having to see a foreign film.....s h u t u p

4. do you think its ok to separate the artist from the art?

Oh, this is a complex one. I think it depends on the situation. You always have to think critically of the media you consume, specially if the person who created it ended up being an asshole. Mostly because their ideology could be inside that media in a subliminal way, or you could end up supporting them without wanting to. I also think it's important to look at time periods. Personally I don't believe it's bad to, for example, read a book from a problematic author who has been dead for 200 years, it's not like your purchase will give them any money lol and at the end of the day pretty much all authors from other centuries have been some kind of -ist or -phobic 🤷🏻‍♀️ If the author is alive then that's a different story. Supporting artists who are well known for being horrible or, even worse, excusing their actions is not something I condone. You can always find a way of consuming their media without giving them money if you really want to (pirating is a good option :p). So yeah, I'm not gonna be policing ppl and telling them what they can or cannot like, but all of this is somethins I take into consideration while consuming media myself (for example, JK Rowling's stupidity and hatefulness these recent years have killed the little love I had left for HP...)

10. name a dog

So...any dog? How could I choose between so many good boys? Well, i'll say Black Hayate for fictional dog, and Maya (mayapolarbear on IG) for irl dog bc I love her.

11. what unusual talent do you have?

Well, my friends used to say I could "speak whale" like in Finding Nemo bc I can deepen my voice a lot. I also can bend my fingers in a really weird way (my fingers are the only flexible part of my body). I think my most useful talent is being able to "drag" my writing while making papers/essays/etc in a believable way, so I can say something in 20 words while other people say it in 5, it comes in handy.

12. what's the most interesting schools gossip you've ever heard?

Oh boy, there were some wild rumors at my school. I think the one that caugh my attention the most was one about some girl a year older than me being pregnant. The thing is, whe didn't know who it was bc people were just saying "they say a girl from senior year is pregnant", so everyone was desperate to know lmao I don't know how that ended up....now that I think about it that was fucked up, if it was true then poor girl.

Also, we had a literature teacher who was really strict and had a pretty peculiar personality. People used to say she was going to get married but her fiancee abandoned her (like, her tragic backstory and reason for being like that), it was probably false 🤣

Also in elementary school there were a lot of rumors about the statues in our church "crying blood" while no one was watching. This became so widespread that the director made a speech confirming it was false and said we should not be spreading such blasphemous things.....catholic schools really are something else.

17. google the top song from the year you were born

I searched top song from 1999 and the first two results are Livin' la vida loca and I want it that way. Sounds like a good year for music hah

20. describe your blog in 3-5 words

Young adult who likes procrastinating.

21. what's a conspiracy you believe in?

Already answered in my last ask!

26. crowds or small groups?

Small groups. I hate crowds, always have and always will. Also, I don't know if this is normal or not but if I spend too much time in a crowded place I start to feel dizzy/light headed.

31. you can change one thing about your life right now. what are you changing?

This horrible situation we are all in, honestly. I just want things to go back to normal but that won’t happen if people keep being selfish and governments keep caring more about economy than people’s lifes :/ Apart from that, i’m pretty ok with my life? I still haven’t achieved much but I don’t want to rush things, I have time.

Thanks so much for asking, this was a lot of fun 💕

#this took much longer than i thought it would. i talked a lot sorry hahaha #asks

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multimetaverse · 5 years

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Riverdale 4x02 Recap

Here we go again folks

I didn’t want to do a recap for 4x01 since it was such a sombre episode brought on by horrible circumstances but I thought it was a lovely tribute to Fred Andrews and to Luke Perry, may he rest in peace

And now we’re back to Riverdale’s usual batshit craziness

It’s wild that they decide to go back to the Reggie’s dad beating him plot they brought up in S3. Topics like abuse are important to talk about but Riverdale really is not the show to tackle it. Hell of a plot to slip a Ferris Bueller’s Day Off reference into. Ngl when Reggie said that his dad wouldn’t be showing up to practice anymore I wondered if Reggie had killed his father. I find it hard to believe that Mr. Mantle would have seen the light after seeing his beloved car destroyed, surely that would have enraged him. I don’t know whether the writers just dropped this plot or if we’ll find out later that Reggie did kill or incapacitate his dad in some fashion and he’s chained up in the basement

They really upped the shirtless scenes this ep

Not sure what to make of Mr. Honey, he’s much younger than Weatherbee so I can’t help but wonder if he’ll be paired with one of the parents at some point

It seems like FP is now being slotted into the Fred Andrews role of responsible parental figure. He’s come a long way from the greasy gangster in S1 to the Sheriff breaking up a teen party he is now

All those reporters are breaking a ton of laws by trespassing onto school grounds and hiring students to take photos in the change room. I laughed when Veronica made them sit through her wildly inappropriate performance before doing a press conference

Veronica and her parents all share the same problem: they’re all guilty as hell. It will be interesting to see what contrived plot the writers set in motion to get at least one of her parents out of jail

Great week for Cheryl! Not really sure where this Honey/Blossom feud is leading but we’ll see what happens. I loved the detail of Toni wandering around with a candelabra. We got Toni and Reggie almost discovering Jason’s corpse and I am very excited to see who eventually discovers Cheryl’s secret and how that will be played out

Archie’s Party by the Archies is a catchy song

I really hope they just drop Kevin/Fangs. They really drove Kevin’s character into the ground in S3 and I don’t see how they can give him a proper redemption at this point

I don’t know if we’ll be seeing Josie again but I have to say that she looked so, so old when she was singing at Fred’s funeral

Charles seems like a pretty crappy FBI agent so far. Does FP know about him yet? I wonder how long the show can ignore how creepy it is that Bughead share a half brother. After the S3 finale, RAS said he didn’t think Charles would affect Bughead but then in a later interview hinted at tensions introduced by Charles that do affect Bughead so one of those answers is a lie

Polly in a suicide bombers vest next week? Sure why the hell not. It does make sense that Edgar would prepare for a Waco like stand off

I’ll take happy Varchie while I can get it

I really liked the S3 finale and this week we get some clue regarding the Spring break flash forward. The reveal that grandpa Jones went to the fancy school and later abandoned FP by going out for a pack of smokes suggests that something happened to him and Jughead’s disappearance will be linked to it. The cliche trope to follow is that of a Skull and Bones type secret society at the school

We now know that there’s a search party out in the woods looking for Jughead, presumably before Betty, Archie, and Veronica later end up spattered in blood and burning their clothes and Jughead’s beanie. I don’t think there’s any scenario where Jughead actually dies but him either killing someone or needing to fake his own death seem like real possibilities

They retconned FP’s age to 50 in S3 and we know that his dad was still around when FP was in High School (since his dad broke FP’s arm) but he could have left at any time after that. If he had FP young then he could in theory still be alive and around 70 if they want to go that route but him being murdered when he vanished because he knew too much seems more likely. I’m curious to see how much of the detective work is done by Jughead and his friends and how much is done by FP himself with his access to official records and resources

Well we’ll see how this season goes. I’m kinda surprised they’re already in their senior year since teen shows usually end after the mains graduate

#Riverdale #Jughead Jones #FP Jones #Varchie #Archie Andrews #Veronica Lodge #Reggie Mantle #Cheryl Blossom #Riverdale Recaps

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flannelshirtandjeans · 5 years

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Okay, so I do have a few different topics I wanna talk more in depth in my past couple of days of game that I’m gonna put in different posts because I Can’t Shut Up - first of all, Kellogg. And a little bit about the Prydwen Squires, whom I’ll talk about more elsewhere too.

Grace... wasn’t really looking forward to killing Kellogg? He was a guy who’d taken her other daughter from her, but she really just... wanted her daughter back, nothing more, wanted to corner him long enough to get something out of him, and hopefully make it out alive. MacCready went with her, maybe out of feeling obligated because he was being paid, but also maybe because this is... a woman who’s trying very hard to find her daughter, and he can sympathize with that, and try to help as well. But then it was clear from the start at Fort Hagen that it wouldn’t... end peacefully, with him daunting her every step of the way. In the end, she didn’t get much out of him, did kill him, and... the trail grew cold. She knew he was working for the Institute but with no way to know where that was, and the Brotherhood not having any idea either, it seemed like there was no hope.

So she moped around the Prydwen for a while, taking care of Sam, working with Senior Scribe Neriah, mom-ing the squires - I think some of them or a lot of them love to hear her stories about both her adventures and pre-war when she has the spoons to tell them, and some like to play with the baby; it gives them a little chance to be CHILDREN, and god, Grace is not gonna tell them no. She feels awful about how they’re already being treated as little soldiers, and tries to stretch the rules where she can to give them chances to just. be. ANYWAY, eventually she was gently (or not so gently) told to stop moping and go out there, and so she does, with Danse, and heads to Diamond City to break Nick the news about what happened.

And what do you know, she should maybe have done that well earlier, because Nick actually has an idea to go to the Memory Den with the bit of brain that’s stuck in the thing Grace grabbed out of Kellogg’s head lmao. And so they do that! But hey, how could she have known! As far as she knew, going into somebody else’s memories ISN’T A THING.

Going into Kellogg’s memories... didn’t really make him any more sympathetic to Grace than he was before this, which was Not Sympathetic At All - if anything, she feels sorry about what happened to his family, but doesn’t feel... differently about HIM, you know? He’s the ASSHOLE who stole his daughter on some other asshole’s orders, and SHOT her Norma? His backstory doesn’t matter to her. Like, at all. Besides, she felt very awkward being in his head, in his memories, like that’s. all kinds of fucked up and invasive, even if the person is dead. sakdjhsakj.

Seeing Margaret as a ten-year-old was definitely... she definitely recognized her, you know? Saw both herself and Norma on her face IMMEDIATELY, and felt sick when Kellogg talked about imagining that this could be what he could have had with Mary, felt sick when Margaret said she hoped to see him again, it hurt so deep in her heart to see how she’s grown with this asshole (seemingly), and bonded with him. It broke her heart to be looking for a ten-year-old girl instead of a baby because... it felt like she was no longer her baby. This was somebody else’s child, who probably knows NOTHING about her... and hat kinda puts what she’s doing into a whole different light. SHOULD she keep looking? What if Margaret loves being where she is now? How could she take her away from that?

Also reliving the moment when Norma was shot, being able to see it from so close-up, seeing her baby being taken away so close and STILL not being able to do anything about it... Sucked, and she definitely spent a good while crying with her head pounding afterwards. And for many many nights again.

But despite revisiting the trauma, they have a lead now. She knows where she has to go next, even though it feels daunting, and she doesn’t want to go because she CAN’T take Sam to the Glowing Sea. She doesn’t want to go, at all, she doesn’t think she has the energy anymore, it feels like... she’s being sent on a wild goose chase after a wild goose chase, and it’s HARD, and she’s definitely feeling sorry for herself but... she HAS to keep going, because what else is she going to do? Give up and never forgive herself? Noooooo.

She has hope, because she is ultimately an optimist, but she’s also so tired. Of being in constant danger and not having her wife, of being sick all the time (she really does get sick so much) and always running into ‘can’t help yous’ and sleeping poorly because Sam hasn’t learned to sleep all through the night yet, and now THIS complicated mess, and she! is! tired! But has to keep trying because she doesn’t know what else to do!

#grace #fallout 4 #ida tries survival #blabbering

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aftgficlibrary · 6 years

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Do you guys have any fics where Andrew and Neil meet earlier then canon, get sperated, and then reunite? It's kinda specific lol. Thank you :)

@sugandrew said: Hey! I was wondering if there was any fanfic where Andreil met before, so yeah, thanks and have a nice day!!!

hi! we actually have a bunch!! this is a pretty common ask, so i compiled the fics from previous asks.-Scout

forget all the shooting stars and all the silver moons… by freakingoutgirl (G | 24,004 | 15/15)

Andrew had just left Juvie, at 15, and nothing in his future called him, until he met a boy running from a wild dog and saved him.That boy gave Andrew the home he never had, until external forces separated them.For years, Neil worried about Andrew, only finding his whereabouts after Andrew joined the Foxes.For Andrew’s safety, Neil kept his distance, but now, with Neil signing with the Palmetto Foxes can those two finally reunited and live the life they were meant to? Or are the ghosts from the past too strong to let them walk out of the darkness?

what the fuck is stickball and who the fuck is stefan by dying_is_easy_living_is_harder (Not Rated | Incomplete | 22/?)

Neil and Mary’s last run-in with Nathan and his crew led to her death and Neil losing his memory. He’s forgotten everything that’s happened since before they left home, living only on his instincts and his mothers dying words to him. When he picks up an exy stick at Millport and is caught by the one and only David Wymack, his life starts to change dramatically.He’s got to figure out how to listen to his mother while living a life he is happy with and keep himself alive at least long enough to remember who he is and why several of his new team members seem unnecessarily interested in who he is.

/Graphic Depictions of Violence /Rape/Non-Con

whiskey and melancholia (that’s just how i like it) by hiraethia (T | Incomplete | 9/13)

before he was neil josten, he was chris sears. before he was chris sears, he was alex field. before he was alex field, he was evan abbott.

before everything, he was nathaniel wesninski. during everything, he was no-name abram.

(in which neil meets the foxes on the run, but they don’t remember him).

a meeting in three parts (Not Rated | Incomplete | 3 Works)

the run and go by jaylocked (T | 16,141 | 7/?)

Every day that Neil has stuck around in California has been one day too many.

(or: when Neil can’t let his mom go, he finds himself attending his senior year of high school in Oakland, where he meets an Exy goalkeeping prodigy who just doesn’t get it.)

a place to rest your head by forever_and_always (T | 2910 | 1/1)

Kevin called Neil asking for a favor, and Neil said yes. Now he’s face to face with someone he hasn’t seen in a very long time.—Or: Neil never went to Palmetto to play with the Foxes. Kevin is the worst. And Andrew hasn’t changed a single bit

honey, we should run away by allyasavedtheday (T | 8,836 | 1/1)

“We’re moving on soon,” his mom says casually as she’s plating up their food. As if it’s an inconsequential detail and not something that rocks Neil to his core.

“Why?” he asks, keeping his voice calm and measured like she taught him to do if he was ever taken.

“We’ve been here too long,” she says like it’s obvious, setting down a plate of pasta in front of him.

“It’s only been ten weeks,” he can’t help pointing out. Ten weeks with Andrew. Ten weeks that aren’t enough.

“That’s over two months,” she retorts, neatly spearing a piece of pasta with her fork. “Two more weeks and we’re leaving. Just as soon as I have everything organised.”

Andrew and Neil meet when Neil is on the run with his mother.

leaving all your air behind by especiallythezefronposter (T | Incomplete | 3/?)

When Abram meets Andrew in a suburb in California, Andrew tells him anywhere is better than there. Abram is just tired of being alone.

you say i’m a dreamer, but i’m not the only one. by idnis (M | 58,350 | 29/29)

Neil Josten wouldn’t say his life was very magical.His dreams on the other hand.

They always seem too real.

And then there’s the fact that he finds himself returning to one person’s dreams.

Series Part 1 of you say i’m a dreamer, but i’m not the only one

i know this game by borky (M | Incomplete | 8/?)

a universe in which Andrew and Neil ( & Mary ) meet before Arizona - many years before.

/Graphic Depictions of Violence /Rape/Non-Con

Better Late than Never by gluupor (T | 3,390 | 1/1)

Andrew should have known not to ally himself with a lying runaway, he really should have known not to trust him, and he definitely should have known not to fall for him.

Series: Part 2 of AFTG Andreil Bingo 2018

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coolpolarbear123 · 5 years

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Band Camp Day 6

If you thought our band director couldn’t make things worse, you’re wrong

August 24th, 2019

Day 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 7

I’m tired in many senses of the word:

First some stuff I forgot from yesterday:

Two nights ago the band was super slap happy and the BD was mad about it but maybe if we weren’t outside for a million hours and had actual indoor rehearsal--

The gang and I are showing up later and later to rehearsal and I’m surprised we haven’t been actually late yet

Okay now for today:

Morning rehearsal we just did a ton of halftime. This time the BD was able to fix our mistakes because he had the music, which Highkey confirmed that last night was a waste of time

We had to relearn a lot

Why are we even doing halftime when we barely know pregame

I learned some clarinet tea: someone went to join colour guard at the beginning of the year, got cut, rejoined clarinets, and they’re slightly annoyed

We got to march to the football practice field to “teach” the footballers how to sing the fight song

Basically we marched there in a parade formation (cool, good practice) and played the fight song for them. We didn’t get to teach them at all technically

When we got there, the football coach was hyping up the team, and we couldn’t respond with hype because we were at attention and that was awkward

Then we played the fight song

Then we got to relax and react a bit

Then we played Dance Again, the band’s national anthem

I was in the back, so I couldn’t see it, but apparently there was just a whole heckin mosh pit so that’s cool I guess

I think it’s kinda fun

So then we had to march back

And fun fact: piccs are in the back

So the genius idea was for the band to just turn around and have piccs in the front

Uh bad idea bad idea

I literally said “nonononononono” and I Know some of the piccs heard it

I was on the edge because I’m a Returner (but that doesn’t mean I’m good at marching, folks)

The first line had two people in it because they were the back

So I was guiding to like my line sort of and my made up place

And it’s not my first time being the corner of a parade, but it’s definitely the worst I’ve ever done

Marching back sucked because of me but whatever we made it in one piece

BD: “We’ll do some halftime then pregame” *we only do halftime*

Lunch!

Half the piccs got together to do a Pokemon Go raid before going back to band and it was pretty fantastic

So the plan was sectionals at 1:30 (after lunch) but it got changed to “Meet in band room first”

It was to put away chairs and stands

Then sectionals

But here’s the deal

Our section leader was really sick

So she wasn’t there until then

Me, texting her: So sectionals are happening, but only come if you think you can Two seconds later, the piccs: Can you text NSL Me: Just did

Us, getting into the sectionals room

Me: Listen up, piccs. Naptime until NSL gets here

We ended up napping for like twenty minutes

NSL got there, and one of the fish piccs was like “Do we have to get up” and NSL straight up said, “No keep napping” and let us go for another fifteen minutes

I was on instagram the entire time because I hate sleeping and naps

But then I was accused of sleeping and I’m still lowkey mad about it

Even though plenty of people stood up for me asdfghjkl

Then we started sectionals

I definitely had a piece of white chalk because I was gonna draw on the chalkboard (I didn’t so I didn’t wake people up)

The chalk was at the board, but I accidentally carried it back to my seat on accident

So I started drawing on myself

(I’m not white)

And I sit in the back so eventually the piccs turned around and were like “[cpb] wtf” “I’m trying to blend in”

Which has the same vibes as when I stole Roommate’s sunglasses (she was up front but her stuff was still in the back) and then was messing around on my phone and it must have been a Look because when the piccs saw they all were like “??????”

NDL noticed almost immediately and gave me a Look

that was like the second day of band camp whoops back to today

Finished sectionals, immediately back to the field

Many pregame

Finally

There was a car parked on where we’re supposed to enter the field so that created Issues

The owner of the car is this one guy who’s,,,, in band? Not in band?? none of us understand

He’s this older dude who fills in spots, but he has a nametag like the rest of us and everything, so

I dunno but he didn’t move it so we were Messy getting on the field

Our drum major brought her dog and her name is Coco and I love her

Technically this was the end of the day (shortened day--ended at 5:30)

We did noncompliance dances, which was some song about cows

One of the returning piccs lives on a dairy farm, and she was very into the song--it was hilarious

yes a member of GB

We didn’t sing, though--not yet

So then our band pres got in front of the band for announcements, and she was like, “Today’s activity is a hike up sugarloaf mountain! We meet here to figure out rides!”

but then here’s where stuff got even messier:

During the week of band camp, we’re supposed to have an elimination block

This is where we get in a block formation and follow commands blindly. Mess up and you’re out. Last one wins

We do it as a band, then just the returners

This is supposed to leave the freshmen paranoid. “Oh no they’re gonna make the freshmen do it” sorta thing

And then you go back to rehearsing as full band without saying anything, effectively confusing the freshmen

We didn’t do this

So as band pres was giving announcements, she said, “We’re gonna march pregame a bit and do an elimination block” so uh that’s spoiled thanks

I sorta get that we have to introduce the concept of it, but we should have done that when we met up after dinner

That entire thing is supposed to be a secret to the freshmen

Especially because of how BD reacted

He was like “Tell them about the rewards!”

And that’s an even bigger secret

So then everyone started whispering “freshman of the year” so surprise: spoiled

So then we completely revealed that, and I had to raise my hand because I was FOTY, and the other two also had to raise their hands but aaaaa

The piccs cheered for me though haha it was sweet

Thankfully, with all of us so tense you could feel it in the air, crash and burn wasn’t spoiled

The fact that we do stuff before sugarloaf was though and it makes me angry

dinner

then the antics

We did a whole band elimination block

I committed suicide--I wasn’t about to do that whole thing

A senior baritone won that

Then it was time for the block that mattered: the freshmen only

Basically the piccs dropped like flies except for maybe two, but they did well

Colour guard won, which nice since they’ve never done that

I should know, I currently have the list

Breaking the streak of only trumpets and drumline getting it one section at a time

Though piccs are slightly annoyed because their DI was a picc and knows the secrets

Then time for crash and burn

What’s supposed to happen is that we set up for pregame, and then they say “returners step out” which effectively freaks out the freshmen

But this time they straight up said “freshmen set up pregame” which ruins that

Then they got to the final block and were being yelled at to stay in set

Then the SL for the percussion gave us their air horn and we went wild

Basically the goal is to get them to break attention

We did a ton of vine references and broke quite a few of our piccs

One of them though was unbreakable so kudos to her, especially since she’s been sick all week and couldn’t do most rehearsals

Picc section has been dying in more than one way

She picks up on stuff so quickly though she’s amazing

Then we went up the hiking trail, hung out at the top, did the senior speeches, got emotional, took some awesome section pictures, amazing GB album covers (that’s what we call our squad pics)

squad piccs

After the senior speeches, we do the cult stuff. Singing the alma mater and fight song. However, before this, we’re supposed to take a pledge--or the freshmen are, at least

However our band pres forgot to get a copy of the pledge, so she had to call the band pres from last year (who graduated) and it was pretty funny

We did the cult stuff first to give him time to send it over

After that NSL called us over to give us a speech and talk about how proud she is of us and dang I love her

I miss mom and dad too, though

The freshmen: Why do you call yourselves gingerbread We made gingerbread houses together,,,, it’s not that interesting of a story

We hiked down

I very quickly figured out that my dinner of Lots of Bread wasn’t quite enough

My friends fixed that real quick

We also played pokemon go this entire time

And uh yeah that’s pretty much the day. I’ve been typing this on and off for two hours so I’m gonna go sleep

But also, another thing from yesterday:

At lunch I misheard someone say something and heard the word “wet” instead. But my dumb brain also took that as slang for “rad” so guess what the picc section says now

Yeah it’s pretty wet

Did I explain that yesterday? I dunno but I wanted to make sure you guys knew because it’s a Thing along with the handshake and I’m excited

Have I talked about the alive, awake, alert, enthusiastic song? I’ll try to mention it tomorrow if not

Have I mentioned how much we talk about vines because that’s still happening it’s honestly fantastic

A new vine reference every five seconds really

Tomorrow is a short day. Expect a shorter post.

#This picc section rocks honestly #band camp #2k19 BC Adventures #marching band #band #rant #cpb speaks #CBC

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zealusts-blog · 5 years

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❛ ⋆ ․˙✰ nora grace nguyen is graduating in a month with plans to attend harvard in the fall to study law and political science. four years complete and she’s leaving the hamptons being remembered as the zealous, which makes perfect sense considering how articulate, venturesome, pugnacious, and unpredictable she is. that title landed them the senior class superlative of most likely to be arrested for organizing a sit- in protest at the local kill shelter. you’ll know they’re around when you hear hierarchy - cailin russo coming from a car this summer. speaking of summer, i hear their plans are to spend it doing a part-time internship at a law firm. morning coffee and afternoon boba, shiba cuddles, sitting in during public court cases, and plaid skirts with oversized knit sweaters.

hello it me ellie (she/her/hers pronouns) and this is nora! i havent done an intro or been in a rp in 10 years so please excuse this post if its awkward n stuff im cringing just writing this bc i forgot how awkward an intro post is like wow... ANYWAYS! i’m vv excited to b here and rp with u guys, love u guys, b here w u guys, all that nice cute stuff w u guys!!!

u can read nora’s stats here and learn more about her here but like that page is really long n lengthy so i’m gonna some her up for u guys as best as i can but if its gets long n lengthy too pls forgive me thank u im trying

her family is wealthy bc of their role in pharmacy work. their family owns a couple pharmacies (mainly in new york, new jersey, n rhode island) and has some investments in other companies as extra money

theyre wealthy and could stop working for like maybe 10 years if they pleased, but the nguyens dont rest and thats y nora’s parents are absent alot

bc her parents r absent since theyre always working, nora had to grow up faster to b independent and also raise her younger sister, daisy jane

shes mature but only bc asian parents love handing off parenting duties to their eldest daughter and that happens to b nora! it’s only two of them but still she gave up part of her childhood to p much raise daisy jane on her own despite her parents being alive n healthy

shes a big time activist and feminist and is very upfront about how she feels about certain things and about policies and regulations she thinks should b changed/fixed/removed/etc.

her dream is harvard and thats been her only dream and plan since she was born. her parents gave it to her and she’s never changed it bc (1) her parents r strict n (2) she craves their acceptance and wants to make them proud and if it means listening to what they want from her then she’ll do it

shes v open about what she believes in and will talk about it and will also fight for it.

shes always willing to fight someone and have a debate over anything like it’s more fun for her if its something surrounded politics or stuff going on around the world but also if u wanna argue about how people who aren’t lactose intolerant are abnormal then she’ll b a square bc its literally not normal for ur body to still b able to breakdown lactose enzymes

shes somewhere in the top 10/15 of the entire class, but shes worked hard to get where she is. studying doesnt come easy to her and she doesnt have photographic memory. she feels really dumb bc of that and hates how she has like... work to get the grade bc she wishes she was smart n could read the textbook once and get it but shes not wired like that n so a bitch struggles w that n feeling like shes not as smart as her parents want her to b n it doesnt help that her parents let her know that

shes v sarcastic n argumentative and funny and sometimes sexual but she’d never act on those sexual things she says shes an innocent n too shy to b upfront like that u feel

like she never deters from an argument n hates losing but if u say something too sexual for her n make an initiative to do it then she’ll back down n shy away like thats the only way u can win an argument w her otherwise she’ll keep pulling shit out of her ass until she wins or u call some truce (but in nora’s mind she won bc who backs away from a fight? hm not her!)

nora struggles talking about her feelings and will literally not talk about deep shit about herself like ya she’ll voice her opinions n fight for it n shit but if u wanna talk about her parent’s incoming divorce, her academic struggles, her need for her parents acceptance, n shit like that then good luck trying to make her talk n shit bc she wont unless ur close to her and have her 100% complete trust

this is already long and im blanking on what to include bc idk whats important important about nora that i need to include here but! feel free to read the tidbits page for her u’ll get to know nora better n know lil like... things about her like hades, veganisms, protests, driving, etc.

i’m also a slut for plots so if u wanna plot with me for ur chara and nora then please reply to this with a word or something so i know and i’ll come to u!! id tell u guys to like this post n then i’ll come to u but sometimes im not sure if people r liking the post so its like.. an acknowledgment or bc they actually wanna plot idk if that makes sense pls help me?? ANYWAYS below r some connection ideas that i thot would b cool for nora aha x

neighbors!

(1) theyre friendly and hung out a lot bc u kno neighbors n its easy to go to each others houses. the person would also b friends w nora’s little sister daisy jane bc when theyre home and nora is on parent duty she n daisy jane r a duo

(2) theyre not friendly n they cant stand each other we love a good notp! we can expand more on this if ur interested but rn my mind is blanking

childhood besties:

(1) maybe things went sour and now theyre enemies like maybe its a betrayal or something but like! besties for the resties to besties for never r always so beautiful im a slut for those type of connections

(2) things didnt go sour but they just drifted and now theyre kinda awkward but try really hard for it to not b awkward?? they knew each other like the back of their hands and now theyre kinda like?? r u still the same or did u change?? whats up whats happening???

one sided crush: nora could have a crush on them thats ongoing or is new, but its just a crush and nora actually acting on it is so so rare like she’ll punch someone for saying some racist shit to her but will cry if someone forces her to shoot her shot

(1) maybe the person knows and teases her for it n nora hates them for it but is also like :) but also :( u feel like does that even make sense?

(2) the person doesnt kno n is kinda just like what the fuck y is nora so timid n shy around me when she just decked a guy for blatantly littering at the beach and saying the beach should b more trash cans if they didnt want people littering

enemies!

friends!

tutor: maybe a tutor?? like nora isnt dumb and shes not failing like she’s in the top 10 of the class but that doesnt mean she’s the smartest person and not struggling trying to keep her grades up. having someone she can study with n can like. help her would b really good for her

(1) twist is that it could b secretive bc maybe nora doesnt want people knowing that she has a tutor or that the person tutoring her is her tutor for whatever reason. again i can expand on this if ur interested!!!!

bad influence: someone to get her to wild n out n like tell her to forget her parents n responsibilites n shit. maybe make her hoe it out so she can stop getting cold u feel what im saying?? idk if u do im literally just rambling at this point im so sorry

i’m out of connection ideas rn but! if none of these r interesting enough for u then we can do something else like if u have a connection u want filled or like??? we can just think of something else that’ll b more fitting im down for anything n everything

#intro #✘.:｡ but my mom said it was big — OOC⌋#hello i tried this is so long n wordy im so so sorry

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purplesurveys · 5 years

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459

Ok I’m sorry but these name surveys have turned out to be loadsa fun for me so let me just take another one lmaooooo.

I honestly find it therapeutic since it allows me to reflect and look back on all of the people I’ve crossed paths with before, whether for better or for worse :) Sorry if I’ll repeat names/explanations, I’ll do my best to remember more stuff about them!

aaron: Already mentioned this in the last survey, but he’s a part of my high school friend group. He was one of my first guy friends ever and he was very nice to me from the very beginning; always made sure I felt like I belonged in a crowd. Also studies in UP and I think he is taking up sports science because he wants to go on to med school. abby/abbey: This is my mom’s name. She goes by the first spelling. I know an Abby from high school; she studies in La Salle now. adam: I don’t know him personally but there used to be a dude from WhatCulture Wrestling (a popular YouTube channel) named Adam – he was my favorite to watch until he got caught in a major fuck-up and was booted from the group. adel adrienne ajee

ajla alan: I have an uncle named Allan. He was part of my dad’s friend group in college; they met each other in their org. He was in every birthday party when I was a kid, but I don’t see him anymore now because his family already migrated somewhere else. alex: Broad comm student who plays the guitar and sings well; I haven’t talked to her. I also knew an Alex from 6th grade and she was just...not a very bright student. She had to move because I don’t think her grades reached the standard in my school, and now I think she lives in California. If not there, then somewhere else in the States. Alex is a fairly common name here, though, and I know I’ve missed out on a bunch of other Alexes.

alexa: Again, another girl from high school. Was a cool girl and a party girl from the very start. Like I said in my past survey, she lives in Australia now. alexis alexzandria alicia: My friend Alliyah’s boss, who she has a huge crush on, is named Alicia but she goes by Alice. alisa allie/ally: Gossiping fake loser from our rival journ org who does nothing but spread black propaganda about our org to keep people from joining ours – when she talks to us, though, she’s super nice. I’m so fucking happy she’s graduating because she has such a toxic personality :( allison: Former prof in Comm 100. Wasn’t very good but I had a crush on her from the very first lecture. She had a serious car accident in the middle of the sem and had to wear like a nose brace thing for the rest of the sem. alycea/alycia alyssa: I rode the school bus with a girl named Alyssa but I was much closer to her older sister Alex. There’s also an Alyssa from broad comm and I was classmates with her in my political science, history, and broad comm classes for this semester. She’s the niiiiiiiicest girl and would always help me out if I have missing notes or whatever. amanda: Girl from my org who’s taking up engineering. I was her VP last semester, but she had personal problems and so she wasn’t able to work much under me. Whenever she did, though, she was always reliable. Quiet girl, a little socially awkward. amari amber andrew: I first met him at a rally/protest I attended in 2017. Hit it off well right from the start because I saw that he was wearing a wrestling shirt, so we bonded over WWE that day. He plays the guitar and has released his own EP, is a junior DJ at one of the hip radio stations in Manila, and has done his fair share of hosting gigs. He used to take up engineering but shifted to journalism as he likes it better. Is very adventurous and amiable but tends to get too friendly; some might find it tiring but I honestly think it’s just his personality. He was my groupmate in communication research and I thought he was decent. angela: My best friend’s name is Angela. We first met each other in Grade 1 when we were 7, and we became friends after I stabbed her palm with a newly-sharpened pencil. She still has the pencil mark today. anna: Anna is a popular secondary name in the Philippines, but no one actually uses it as their main name. anne: Same with Anne. annie: My grandma’s best friend who used to come over the house every Sunday. Like I said in the past survey, I’m honestly not sure if she’s still alive lol. She was already pretty old when I was still very young. anthony aasad ashley: I *think* I have a distant cousin named Ashley that I first met at a family reunion last year. But let’s be real, Filipino families are huge and I don’t even know if I remember her name correctly, if she’s even an Ashley. aubri: One of my closest friends in high school was Aubrey. We were very, very close in junior year until she dropped a bomb on me that her family was migrating to California by the time we start senior year. We don’t talk anymore because of the distance and the timezones, but I’ll always be there for her no matter what. Incredibly talented dancer and figure skater. She’s in UCLA right now and as far as I know she is killing it over there. austin autumn: I know an Autumn from my wrestling fandom days. I think she was a redhead, but I don’t remember anything else. barbara becca: A girl from broad comm. She was one of the principal actors in one of the productions we did for BC and she has a really cute laugh. Super elegant; she reminded me a little bit of Audrey Hepburn because she was really graceful. She’s the older sister of my orgmate Rita, who’s from psych. ben beth bethany betty: I have a friend-ish named Bettina. Betty’s kind of like a goofy nickname; she actually doesn’t use it but I think it still counts. I’ve known her since first grade; she peed her skirt in our first day of Grade 1 and I remember her crying a lot. She had a wild TV show phase starting from Grade 5 and she was into Nicole Kidman, Paula Abdul, Kara DioGuardi, Shania Twain, Celine Dion, Stana Katic, Kate Walsh, etc etc etc and a bunch of shows like Private Practice, Grey’s Anatomy, Castle, Suits etc etc etc. She was super shy, very awkward in person so I’m glad her love of TV shows and actresses sprung her into life for the most part. She’s in UP Manila and I think too busy to get into fandoms now. bijan bobby bram brandon brandy breanna/brianna: Brianna is my friend Pat’s middle name. I honestly used to be so envious of this name of hers because I thought it sounded really nice, but now I think it kinda sounds like a bratty name hahaha. brendan brian: I have an uncle named Bryan, but we aren’t related. He’s my mom’s cousin’s husband. He’s VERY shy and likes to keep to himself or his kids at family gatherings but turns really cool when he’s had a little to drink. brittany/brittney/brittni brock brooke bruce buck cameron camille: Nice girl from my childhood school bus. There’s an unofficial norm in private schools in that when you’re older, you get to be mean to the younger kids. Not her. She was always nice and include us second graders in her antics in the bus, even though she was several years older. I was bummed when I found out they moved to the States. candy carina: I used to ride the school bus with a Carina but she was much younger. I was already in high school when she was in kindergarten. She’s the younger sister of Carissa, who I always found to be pretty weird. Anyway, these girls were clearly rich and pampered; they had a nanny ride with us in the bus. carly: I had an Internet friend named Carley; she was my first online best friend. We met here on Tumblr in like 2012 and got close because we were both huge fans of Stephanie McMahon at the time haha. We would video-call EVERY afternoon when I would come home from school while she would get ready for school (she’s from Pennsylvania). Eventually she’d disappear off the face of the earth and stopped talking to me but resurfaced a few months later. She’d continue to do this like 10 other times until I got tired of getting my hopes up of having her back. She’s tried reconnecting with me again on DMs but I just ignored it cos I knew there was a good chance she’d just cut off our communication again. We’re still Facebook friends and she’d pop up on my news feed from time to time, but that’s it. carol: I have a great-aunt named Carol. But my grandma has so many sisters that I honestly do not remember which one she is. carrie cassandra: I had a batchmate named Kassandra, who went by Kasey. Really bright, sweet, intelligent girl. She moved to Singapore in 7th grade. She was very, very simple and very kind to everyone and you wouldn’t be able to tell that she’s crazy rich. Her dad’s a top exec for a famous food and drink company and she lives in the same village I do–their house is guarded 24/7. cassidy chantel charlotta chelsie: Chelsea’s part of our high school friend group and is also crazy rich. We always hung out at her place because her house is huge. She’s very maarte, which I cannot really translate to English...the closest term is probably high maintenance hahaha; but she’s very sweet and generous and kind too. cheryl chris: One of Gabie’s best friend is a Kris. Other than liking outdoorsy stuff like going to the beach and hiking which is all I know about her, I think she’s also half-American. christopher: I have an uncle with this name but like I said his nickname is Perry. He works abroad like my dad (his brother-in-law) and my dad’s sister (his sister-in-law). cienna clare: Guidance counselor for several grade school levels. Understandably, she is very maternal. I once had a nasty fight with another girl and we had to be sent to her office. clarissa: Went to school with a Clarisa. We first met in Grade 4 because she rode my school bus, and instantly clicked. She was very nice, very sweet; she was simple to the point that, like Kasey, you’d have no clue how rich she was. She lives in a huge mansion now but she lived in a huge house before that as well, it’s crazy. Really, really sweet and she would give the best hugs. I played table tennis a lot with her in high school too. She studies in Miriam now but I’m not so sure about her course. claudia: Already said a lot about her in the last survey. Popular girl her whole life. She still goes to a bunch of parties but she is so much nicer now than she was when we were younger. cody cole collin corey corinne: One of my former teachers named her daughter Corinne. I think she’s 8 this year. courtney crissy: Chrissy was one of my very best friends in preschool and grade school. She looked Chinese even though she had a Filipino-sounding surname, and I was never sure if she had Chinese blood or not. She was boyish so she was very rowdy, liked to play rough, and punched other girls if she got pissed; but other than that she was very quiet and shy. She was constantly on the basketball team too. Eventually her family moved to Canada. crystal dallas dan danielle danika: An orgmate that worked under my committee two semesters ago. She’s from business ad and was juggling another org so she wasn’t very active at all to begin with. Her performance just plummeted every month and she ended up ghosting my org last semester–never replied to anyone when we tried to check up on her. I was very mad at her until she restarted contact with us recently and explained how tumultuous stuff suddenly got in her personal life and mental health that she had to take care of herself for a while, which we all understood immediately. She’s coming back to the org this year and we’re more than ready to welcome her. She’s very charming, goofy, and kind. She has a very life-of-the-party personality haha. danny: I have a friend-ish named Dani that I met through Angela. We all sat at the same table during the senior ball at Ateneo in 2016 so we got to talk then. She played volleyball in high school and she studies in San Beda now. She wants to take up law school so I think her course is in political science. darious david: Pat’s boyfriend from Serbia and Patrice’s boyfriend from economics HAHAHAHA. Also a sucky groupmate from my comm res class who did absolutely nothing to contribute in the final paper that Hannah and I worked our asses so hard for. dean deanglo derrick destiny devin dillon donna dwayne [Random survey-taker note: these are all very Western names...] emie emily eric: My godfather is an Eric. Like my Tito Allan, he also met my dad through their college org. He’s an exec in a bank now and is suuuuuuper rich. Has a daughter named Arya which he could’ve named after the GoT character but am not really sure about that. everette felicia gabby: Wildly popular name. 1) My girlfriend’s name is Gabie; 2) there was another Gaby in my high school batch. 3) I have a friend from the Tumblr wrestling fandom named Gabbie who was really good in Photoshop – we study in the same school but have never met each other. 4) I have a high school batchmate whose little sister is a Gaby, annnnnddd I also just remembered that 5) there was another Gabbi in the wrestling fandom who also made good edits at the time. gerald gina guliana gloria: Do last names count? Hahaha. Gloria is the surname of my instructor in my class in international relations just this past sem. He’s a new faculty member but is craaaazy good at teaching; clearly knows what he’s talking about. He was passionate about his subject and I always admired that about him. I was really sad when class had to end. grace: I have a great-aunt named Grace; he’s my late grandpa’s sister. She’s really...quite fabulous; she has connections with super prestigious people and has a fancy wardrobe. She’s the only Filipino grandmother I know who goes by ‘Nana’ to her grandkids, which I note because Nana is like a super Western thing afaik. She has drama queen tendencies though and can be sensitive to a lot of things lmao. gracie hannah: One of the close friends I’ve made in college so far! Our first meeting was when she and Macy moved from UP Los Banos to the Diliman campus (where I study) and the three of us enrolled in our classes together. I was closer to Macy first, but eventually me and Hannah got a stronger friendship. Best groupmate, workmate, and David Archuleta fan I know. Sings great and plays the piano great. An absolute angel. hasan hawa hayley: I only know a dog named Hailey lol. heather: Someone from my high school batch is a Heather! We were never in the same cliques but she is one of the friendliest people I know. She knows how to talk to anyone which I appreciated. We bonded over One Direction in high school and she also confided in me a few times about her relationship and how her parents forbade her from seeing her boyfriend because he was trans. She also studies in my school now, taking up business economics. We barely see each other but say hi whenever we do. holly hunter ibro isaac isaiah jack jackie: One of my aunts has a relative named Jackie and I literally only found this out earlier when we met up and caught up with each other. jacob jacquelin jaden: A kid of my mom’s best friend is a Jaden. He was named after Jaden Smith because he was born during the time the Karate Kid remake made big waves. jake: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I had a garbage instructor with this name. This dude was in charge of my weekly crying binges and panic attacks because I was never sure if I was gonna pass his class. He seemed to enjoy giving all of us failing marks too which made me hate his piece of shit ass more. He’s supposed to be really good at what he does but I guess knowledge just does not always translate well in the classroom. Ended up passing his class, but now I’m cursing his ass forever. james: I have a younger cousin named James. I’ve only met him twice; once when he was a newborn, and then when he celebrated Christmas 2018 with us. His family’s lived in New Zealand and Vietnam since 2008, which is why we never get to see him, and why he does not remember me at all. janai janveia jared jason jay: My uncle is a Jay; he’s my mom’s brother. I disowned him as my uncle many years ago. He’s a terrible drunk, a disgusting smoker, and an annoying freeloader. I tried giving him a chance before, but after I found out that he drunkenly punched a cat once, I ignored him forever. Sometimes my mom and grandmother would ask me to acknowledge him at family gatherings, so I’d have to begrudingly do so; but other than that he’s out of my life. jazmine: There was a Jasmin from my old school. She’d always been very artistic and she was into K-Pop very early on. She’s taking up linguistics in my school now. jeana jeanette jen: Girl from the now-ancient Tumblr wrestling fandom. She’s probably the biggest and most passionate wrestling fan I know as she would follow both the mainstream and indie promotions the last time I checked up on her. She was kinda vain and kept on taking selfies while captioning each one as ‘ugly.’ I remember that she has a dog she really loves, and that she lives in Boston. jeralyn jerry jesse jessica: Meh, annoying girl from high school. I’m sure she’s nice(?) but her personality just didn’t click with me. She was too vibrant and too friendly that it almost seemed fake; but what do I know, I never really made the effort to know her better other than bonding over 1D here and there. jim jocelyn jodi: I know a Jodee from my old school. Spoke straight English, is intelligent, but is a huge goofball and very mischievous/rebellious. She was a smartass and liked testing the teachers’ patience whenever she can, but she always did it in a very funny way I think. She was often called to the guidance counselor’s office for having relationships with other students (I went to a Catholic all-girls’ private school, so this was obviously not allowed) but she always stood her ground about it and was never afraid to fight back. She had a phase of unhooking our bras in like 5th grade. joey: My blockmate has a younger sister named Joey. I think she is also studying in UP. john: The cousin I’m closest to is named John, but it’s not his preferred name. jonathan jordan josh: I know two Joshes, but only because they are boyfriends of a couple of acquaintances. jossie julia julie junior justin: I went to school with a girl who initially went by Justinn, but like she all wanted to start calling her by her other name, Ria, as we grew older. I also briefly rode the school bus with a girl named Justine, but we didn’t talk much. kailyn kaitlyn kaleb: Chelsea’s brother is named Caleb. kali karrie karli kasey: Oh, I guess Kasey (under Cassandra) falls under this too lmao. kasahwn katarina: Not exact, but Katrina’s a fairly popular name where I live. My cousin’s boyfriend is named Katrina, my aunt is a Katrina (but she goes by Bianca), and I also went to school with a Katrina even though her nickname is Cheenie. kate: Already talked about this in the last name survey. I met Kate through my org; she’s a huge joker/goofball, is naturally very friendly, and has an awesome wardrobe. When she’s bored and we both aren’t doing anything, she puts makeup on me. Works very well but is also a huge partier HAHAHAHA. katie: This is my nickname for Kate, if that counts. kayla: There’s a Kayla in my college, but her course is in broad(cast) comm(unication). I remember her very well because she is the first person I EVER talked to when we had our freshman orientation in UP. We didn’t become close after that. She’s pretty, has nice clothes and hair, is part of the popular circle, and she’s part of streetdance which is like one of the cooler orgs on campus. kelli kent: I have a younger cousin who’s a Kent. We used to be close when we were both kids, but now we’re shy towards each other. He was obsessed with dinosaurs when he was younger, like 5 or 6. kerna kevin kiana: I have an orgmate named Kiana! SOOOOO pretty and has like the clearest skin. Very simple and down-to-earth. Is nice but can kick your ass because she has a black belt in taekwondo. She’s smart as hell and I’m pretty sure she’s graduating as magna cum laude, besides the fact that she’s going to UP Law right after. kiley kim: I also have an orgmate named Kim :) He’s the sweetest guy ever, and is just so easy to talk to. He has a really cute relationship with one of the org’s alumni. I didn’t get to bond with him much but am sad all the same that he’s graduating this year :( kimberly: Went to my old school with a Kimberly but she went by Kim. Was one of the rougher, lesser-behaved kids. She was a demon in grade school. Not quite sure how she’s doing now. She’s my friend on Facebook but can’t really care less about her life updates. kirsten kristy kyle: Kyelle is a kinda good friend of mine. He’s from the same circle, but we aren’t close in particular. He’s very nice though, very silly and likes to goof around. laila lain: I used to have an orgmate named Laine. She was our VP for External Affairs two years ago. She’s now in law school. leah: Cheenie’s mom is a Lea. She’s probably the best mom friend my mom made from my school hahaha; she’s known me since I was 4. lexi: I have a high school batchmate named Alexa but I think she goes by Lexi, judging from her Twitter name. Is naturally quiet but gets very friendly when you get her to open up. Easy to talk to. liam: Liam is my youngest cousin, I think. He was born in 2014 or 2015. I’ve never seen him, because he and his family lives in New York. I’ve only ever met his big sister. :( lilly: This girl I was classmates with for a journ elective. I found her to be verrrrry pretty and she had the biggest, most piercing eyes; until I found out that she was one of those die-hard Catholics who are vehemently pro-life. She once defended a fraternity whose members were confirmed to be misogynist, sexist, racist, homophobic and transphobic pieces of shit in a leaked groupchat simply because she believes in ‘forgiveness.’ She caused another ruckus two weeks ago when she made known her pro-life views well known. I wanna unfriend her ass so bad but she just keeps making all the wrong opinions that I just wanna stay and watch her get schooled by my less-than-thrilled college mates hahaha. lina liz: If I remember correctly, there was an Elizabeth from my wrestling fandom who went by Liz. She lives somewhere in the UK, had reddish hair, and was in love with John Cena lmao. She would sometimes make edits too. loren: Other than the Lauren I mentioned in the previous survey, I also had a friend named Lauren from the Tumblr wrestling community too. She was one of the first friends I made. She was two years older than me, fancied Andy Samberg earlier than anyone else, had a cool room, was obsessed with cats, and loved tie-dye stuff. lydia lyndsey lynnette macaila mack: JM’s dad goes by Mackey, if that counts hahahaha. He’s a lawyer and a college professor. mckenzi macey: I went to high school with a Macy and now she’s in college with me too. She used to study in UPLB but moved to Diliman after a year, since she always planned to take up journalism (she didn’t pass the cutoff initially, so she had to stay in LB for a year before she moved). I was very close with her throughout high school, but idk, she’s just never been in a good place mentally so our friendship is very up-down-up-down. I tried to reconnect when we were reunited in college, but she’s found her crowd now so I’m happy for her nonetheless.

There’s also a Macy in my org who worked under my committee for a year before she moved to finance. Quiet girl but was always nice to everyone. She’s also graduating this semester :( maddie madison margo: Went to elementary school with a Margo but she preferred to spell it as Margauxe lmao. We became close for a while because we rode the school bus together and she would lend me the other half of her earbuds so we can listen to Ashley Tisdale’s Headstong and Vanessa Hudgens’ V every day (this was when High School Musical was peak popular). She sort of had a tumultuous family life here until she moved to Hawaii a few years ago. I think she may have moved to California now too. maria: Again, this is like the base name for like half of all Filipina girls. It’s so common that it’s just simply shortened to ‘Ma.’ because everyone knows what it stands for. marina marisa: Kayla’s middle name is Marissa. marquis mary: Macy’s first name is Mary. mathew: I know a bunch of Matthews from both high school and college but they all go by Matt. The one I remember the most is Matthew from another high school friend group who was close with my group. Our group was invited to their Christmas party, and they had a gimmick that each member of their group was gonna be paired with someone from ours, and it was gonna be a costume party. I was paired up with Matthew (but they called him Cho), but I never went to the party so I never got to meet him. I’m sure he’s nice, though. matt: See Mathew. maura mechelle: I have an orgmate named Michelle. She’s clumsy, kinda awkward, but she does it in a very cute way and we all love her because she’s so funny haha. She passed the toughest med school program in the COUNTRY but chose journ in the end. Is the most Chinese Chinese-Filipino girl I know. megan: I know someone whose middle name is Megan but she goes by a different name. melissa: Hahahahaha. I knew a Melissa all right. Freeloader. meredith mersadies micah: I was classmates and friends with a Micah in grade school. My parents and hers were close, so we became close too. She was very smart but I remember her to be deathly afraid of walking on beams when we had to do it in PE. She moved schools in the fifth grade, and she studies in UST now. michael: His full name is Michael, but Mike is a guy I almost went out with in high school. Wasn’t really attracted to him, but he’s like super smart so it was a huge plus point for me lol. I also have an orgmate named Michael but we all call him Elis. He’s unreliable. miranda: If surnames count, Gabie’s best friend’s last name is this haha. molly monica: Some girl who went to my old school but transferred schools early on, like in 2nd or 3rd grade. She was Gabie’s childhood friend though so I still hear from her from time to time. She’s in UP now too, but I don’t know what course she’s taking. morgan nashid natasha: I went to high school with a girl named Natasha, but she goes by Tashie. Huge girl and a beast at softball. Can be a big softie but she has weird mood swings too (and when she’s mad, she’s quite violent) so I just tried not to piss her off while we were still in school together lol. nate: Yeah he’s in the same college as me but I know zilch about him other than he’s supposed to be really good in making films. nathan neema nichole: Annoying younger busmate who graduated high school this year. nick: Nick is the codename I gave to one of my first crushes. Obviously not his legit name so I don’t think this counts. nicholas olivia paige preasia preme prisilla: When I was still applying for AIESEC, Priscilla was assigned as one of my groupmates. I was originally iffy because she didn’t get online to work until like 11 PM, but when I did see her start working, she was a GODDAMN BEAST. Amazing. Did everything I assigned to her. When I met her in person the next day, she spoke very well and was very put-together. My respect for her soared even more after that. I dropped my application soon after for unrelated reasons but it was a pleasure working with her. Last I heard, she’s a councilor-elect in her local college’s student council. rachel: My math teacher in Grade 1 was a Rachel. I don’t remember her at all, except for the fact that when she found our class noisy one day, she completely stopped talking and mimed everything for the rest of the 45-minute period. raheim raven: Creepy, weird dude from my org who’s always looking for a dick to suck. I’m not even trying to insult him, he’s just perpetually thirsty and makes sure the whole world knows it for some reason. ray renee: Sweet, intelligent, hilarious girl from my high school. She’s very makwela, which in English means zany/funny. Her dad is a national basketball coach so it’s no surprise she followed in his footsteps. richard riley rita: Sweet, sweet girl from my org. We all just kinda naturally flock to protect her from bad influences or creepy people because she just has such a sweet soul. She’s my successor VP in my committee. robby: I have an Uncle Rob, but he doesn’t go by Robby. He’s the husband of my aunt (my mom’s cousin). He’s from New Zealand and has a Masters or a PhD in film theory, I don’t actually remember which. ryan: I used to see him a lot at a relative’s house until I was like 8. I’ve never seen him since and don’t actually know how he’s related to us or me lmfao. sabrina samantha: I have a younger cousin named Samantha. Sam was born and raised in New York but visited the Philippines last year and I was primarily in charge of taking care of her. She’s just the cutest darling I’ve seen and has the most perfect accent ahuhuhuhuhuhu. She likes My Little Pony. sara sarica sean: Someone from a lower batch in high school has this name. I never knew her but we follow each other on Twitter loooooool. secilia seliena: My older cousin’s first name is Selina but she goes by her second name, Bianca or Bia for short. We were inseperable as kids but we grew shyer as we grew older :( shannon shauna: Gabie’s orgmate. That’s all I know. She liked my tweets in the past but that’s the most contact we’ve made. shayna shelby sherry seirra skylar spencer steven stevey susan: I have an Aunt Susan. She took care of me my whole childhood; fed me, gave me baths, all that stuff when my mom was too busy with work. She got run over by a hit-and-run motorcycle when I was 9 and she was never the same after. She was crankier and had violent outbursts. tamara: I went to school with a Tamara; her nickname was Tammy. She was a gentle giant; like she was a naturally big girl but was very soft-spoken and SUPER shy. We got close for a while in 4th grade but her paths differed not long after. tashryha taylor tayshaun terrell tiffany: I had a batchmate named Tiffany. She was kinda mean in grade school but got nicer as we got older. I never really got the chance to know her well. tori trevor trisha: Another high school batchmate. All I remember was that she would cheat on tests by changing her wrong answers when the teachers would give our results back so they could correct it for her. Also a big Justin Bieber fan lol. trista tylik vanessa: There was a Vanessa in an older HS batch but she went by Via; she just graduated college yesterday but that’s all I know. There’s also a Vanessa in my sister’s HS batch; she’s half-German and that’s also all I know. victoria: Some girl I had a class with was named Victoria but it’s her middle name; we all called her Kristine. wally will wyatt zach: Another guy from the wrestling group I was in. He was one of the older dudes so I was more scared of him than the rest. zachary: Same answer as Zach. I think this was his whole name. zoey

#survey #surveys #ok this'll probably be the last one because THESE ARE LONG

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shysoftbabybear · 6 years

Note

if ur still up: cyclamen, false goats beard, hoary stock, lantanas, lavender, prairie gentian, sunflower, zinnia

hi ari!! i went to bed before you sent this but i am alive now, also these are such cute questions dsjkfhkjfjk

Cyclamen:

Did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a child? What was it?

roary!!! roary was a little beanie baby lion i had when i was super young. i think “roary” was the name that was on his tag lmao. also because i was super young i chewed on his face a lot so he got reeeeeally beat up. my mom got me a replacement roary when i was like 8 or 9 but he wasn’t quite the same so i didn’t play with him much. i still have both of them!

False Goat’s Beard:

What is something you are good at?

ari you know this already but my other followers probably don’t. i sing in an a cappella group at college which has been really fun but also really rewarding bc i didn’t realize i was actually kinda good at singing until i tried out for it and got in

Hoary Stock: What are you proudest of?

not to be morbid as hell but i honestly think i’m most proud of the fact that i got through high school without killing myself because i was really depressed and suicidal and there were times where i came really close to trying. my mom eventually found out so i was put on medication and did therapy for a while and even though my therapy experience was not great, the medication helped a lot, as did leaving my hometown and going to college somewhere that was NOT really homophobic lmao

Lantanas: What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?

i don’t remember the exact words but it was two years ago at an end of the year dinner with my a cappella group and one of the seniors (who was also the RA person who lived on my floor my first year) said a bunch of really heartwarming stuff about how he looks up to me and how glad he was to be my friend and it was just really sweet and touching and by the end we were both like sobbing.

Lavender: What’s your favorite thing about yourself?

um this is kind of a hard one because my self esteem is still kind of in the gutter (probably because i had a bad therapy experience and haven’t tried again since lmao) but weirdly enough i think i’m most proud of the fact that i really came out of my shell during/after high school. i used to be an incredibly shy and quiet person (and i’m definitely still shy and introverted) but now all of my friends tend to think of me as a “loud” person (not in a bad way i don’t think? lol). in some ways i think it’s something i do sometimes need to work on but the fact that i’m now at the opposite end of that spectrum is still so wild to me and being so open and transparent about myself to other people feels good.

Prairie Gentian: Who is someone you look up to? Describe them.

while there are definitely other people i could mention, my immediate answer to this question is always my mom. she’s been through a lot – illness, a terrible and abusive marriage, losing her job late in her career, etc. – and i didn’t really realize how tough and resilient she’s had to be until i got older. and despite what she’s been through, she still has such a bright outlook on life and loves to laugh and make others laugh. i just hope i’m able to roll with life’s punches half as well as she’s been able to and to come out stronger on the other side.

Sunflower: What is something you don’t want to imagine life without?

not to go full millennial mode here but i would definitely say the internet. there are so many wonderful and important people in my life who i mainly communicate with over the internet (or texting), not to mention it was my first real exposure to LGBT/queer communities. it’s also an incredible platform for creating and disseminating all kinds of media – music, art, writing, video, etc. the internet has been a lifeline for me for many different reasons over the years and despite its many flaws, that’s not something i’m ashamed of admitting.

Zinnia: Give a random fact about yourself.

i could not stand to wear a watch until i got to college and now if i forget to wear one i feel naked. it’s wild lol

#noah stop #lesbesbianism

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pyxiscetus · 6 years

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Bechloe Week 2018 Day 2 - Jealousy

Song is ‘Back to You’ by Selena Gomez off the 13 Reasons Why soundtrack

Post-PP3

Will be posted to AO3 after vacation. AO3 link

Formatting this for tumblr has been horrible FYI... JUST READ it on AO3 PLEASE!!!!

Beca looked out over the crowd in front of her. Three years ago she’d been signed by DJ Khalid and her entire life had changed.

“Are you ready Los Angeles!?!?” Beca shouted into the microphone.

The crowd roared back.

Beca grinned. “That’s awesome! So, the last song for the night is new-“

Thunderous screaming halted her as the fans went wild.

“Alright! Alright! Guess I know my next album will do well, huh?”

The crowd cheered again.

“Well this song is… well, I don’t even know how to explain it... Have you ever been jealous?"

The crowd murmured agreement.

"Well that's what this song is about. I ruined a friendship because of jealousy and this is kinda like closure but not really? It’s an apology and I hope you understand. Why don’t you tell me what you think?”

As the intro started Beca shot a half-smile at the audience. “This is Back to You.”

Memories flashed behind closed eyelids as Beca sang.

Took you like a shot Thought that I could chase you with a cold evening Let a couple years water down how I'm feeling about you (Feeling about you)

The shouting match with Chloe only days after the USO tour.

The rash decision to move out of the apartment the same day.

The rift between Chloe and her.

-flashback-

Beca pulled Chloe aside as the rest of the Bellas filed onto the airplane that would take them home. “So you and Chicago?”

Chloe gave an excited grin and head nod. “Yes! Oh Becs, I have so much to tell you! He’s returning with us and taking some vacation time and we’re going to spend as much time to together as possible!”

Beca’s stomach dropped as her mind blanked. “Oh. Okay, cool. Uh, I guess me an Amy can disappear for a couple of days.”

And every time we talk Every single word builds up to this moment And I gotta convince myself I don't want it Even though I do (even though I do)

“Beca? What’s wrong?” A tentative hand gripped her wrist, imploring Beca to talk. Beca shook it off.

“Nothing’s wrong, Chloe. I’ll go let Amy know about Chicago, okay?”

Beca fled in search of Amy. Tears trying to escape at the breaking of her heart.

“Hey short stack, what’s up?” Amy pulled Beca back from the thoughts running through her mind.

Beca glanced at the blonde, the only one to know of Beca’s feelings for Chloe, before answering. “Chicago is coming to stay for a little bit. Ask Chloe for more details. Sit next to me.”

Beca pulled Amy into the seat next to her to prevent anyone else from trying to sit next to her. The other Bellas shot worried looks at Beca and Amy as Beca shut-out everything with her headphones on.

You could break my heart in two But when it heals, it beats for you I know it's forward, but it's true

***

Chloe cornered her three days after they returned. She’d managed to get a total of four consecutive days off from the clinic to spend with Chicago while he was in town for two weeks.

“Beca. We need to talk.” Chloe’s arms were crossed with a glare that had only been directed at Beca once, on the retreat during Senior year.

Beca cringed. She’d been avoiding Chloe while Chicago was here. She hadn’t wanted to be reminded that she had lost Chloe. The jealousy was eating her alive.

I wanna hold you when I'm not supposed to When I'm lying close to someone else You're stuck in my head and I can't get you out of it If I could do it all again I know I'd go back to you I know I'd go back to you I know I'd go back to you

“Now isn’t the best time, Chlo. I have to meet Theo.” She lied.

“No, you don’t, Beca. He called me saying you were avoiding his calls.” A foot started to tap.

Beca’s jaw clenched as her shoulders hunched, trying to make herself smaller. ‘Fucking Theo.’

“What’s wrong, Becs? You’ve been avoiding me since we got back…”

We never got it right Playing and replaying old conversations Overthinking every word and I hate it 'Cause it's not me ('cause it's not me) And what's the point in hiding? Everybody knows we got unfinished business And I'll regret it if I didn't say This isn't what it could be (isn't what it could be)

The pleading hurt, more than Beca thought it could. It tugged at the part that wanted Chloe to be happy more than anything else.

“It’s nothing. Just, just drop it Chloe! Please.” Beca knew she was begging. She couldn’t handle this. Chloe meant too much to just throw away, she just needed some time to adjust to the new dynamic.

“It’s obviously something! You can’t even look at me!” Chloe’s voice cracked.

You could break my heart in two But when it heals, it beats for you I know it's forward, but it's true

Beca flinched. Chloe’s tears pulling down the walls she’d built up only days ago. Her shoulders sagged, the aggression and fight draining away. She was so tired.

“I’m jealous. Chicago was able to do what I couldn’t and I can’t be around that… it hurts too much.”

Chloe’s breath hitched at her confession.

“Becs… I, I don’t know-“

Beca held up a hand stopping her.

“Don’t. Don’t say anything, please…” she pleaded. “I need to call Theo. Enjoy your day with Chicago, Chlo.”

Beca fled to the coffee shop down the street. A five minute phone call was all it took to have same-day movers and a one-way ticket to LA.

Beca and her stuff were gone by the time Chloe returned home that night.

-flashback end-

You can break my heart in two But when it heals, it beats for you I know it's forward, but it's true Won't lie, I'd go back to you You know, my thoughts are running loose It's just a thing you make me do And I could fight, but what's the use?

The decision had been rash but the distance had helped to at least control her feelings.

The Bellas had all at one point over the last three years tried to get her to contact Chloe. Tried to help mend the rift that her unannounced departure had created between the two former co-captains.

But Beca had quit all social media, only agreeing to the labels’ official accounts that were ran by the public affairs department. She hadn’t wanted to see how happy Chicago made Chloe.

And then Amy had informed Beca that ‘Chlocago’, as Amy had called them, were officially finished several months ago and for the first time in years Beca felt like she could breathe as the lyrics she’d been playing with took shape.

I know I'd go back to you I wanna hold you when I'm not supposed to When I'm lying close to someone else You're stuck in my head and I can't get you out of it If I could do it all again I know I'd go back to you I'd go back to you I'll go back to you I know I'd go back to you (I'd go back to you, I'd go back to you) I know I'd go back to you (Go back to you, go back to you) (Go back to you, go back to you) (Go back to you, go back to you)

2789 miles away Chloe watched the televised concert as Beca sang her final song. Tears dripping down her cheeks as Beca sang to her.

#Bechloe week #bechloe week 2018 #bechloe #bechloe fanfiction #The lyrics are really like that! I promise!!!!#Idk why either #I really like this song too #pyx's fanfiction

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musicalmontgomery · 7 years

Text

Forever and Always

Word Count: 3.1k

Warnings: sadness, death, swearing?

Pairing: billy hargrove x reader

an: first fic in a month???? oops? i’m sorry yall, but this shit is sad af. i cried. also, it’s kinda shitty. definitely not a pulitzer. oh well [[also, the song is forever and always by parachute. give it a listen]]

Billy always called. Even if he was only going to be 20 minutes late, he made sure to make an effort to ring up your landline to let you know. He was supposed to have been off four hours ago, and you still hadn’t heard from him. From your place at the kitchen table, you held the phone in your lap, dialing out phone numbers from the address book beside you, while you stared out at the half-empty driveway as if you could summon the blue Camero into its place.

Sighing, you loosened the grip your eyes held on the pavement to flip the pages to find one of his station buddy’s phone numbers. It took your shaking fingers three tries to spin the dial on the rotary phone in the right way.

“Hello, this is the Hinton residence,” the voice of a woman answered on the other end.

“Hi, Pam, it’s (Y/N). I was just wondering if you guys have seen Billy or if Jimmy was late coming home tonight.” You knew the anxiety was evident in your voice, but if there were anyone to have understood, it would be Pam, for she had made the call to you multiple times.

“No, I’m sorry, (Y/N). Jimmy was off tonight. Why, is something wrong?”

“He’s just late. I wanted to make sure that he hadn’t gone over and forgot to call. Thanks, hon” You returned the receiver to the cradle and turned your gaze back to the window. You stared longingly at the empty parking space where he always parked his car. It seems silly, but you swore you would never take the sight of the vehicle for granted again. Pulling you from your thoughts, the phone sings out its ringing song. You quickly pick it back up to your ear, where it’s spent the last hour.

“Hello, this is a message for (Y/N). Could you please let her know it’s urgent?”

“This is (Y/N),” you answered.

“My name is Rosa; I’m a nurse at San Francisco General. This call is about your fiancé, William Hargrove. Something has happened, and we think you should come right now.” You quickly brought the call to an end with an urgent slam of the phone. But as soon as this need to move began, it ended just as fast. Your mind slows as it fills with a fog.

Big fat snowflakes fluttered down from the heavens above to land gently on Hawkins, Indiana. You and Billy strolled downtown, hand in hand, looking at the pure serenity of the town as if for five minutes it wasn’t some godforsaken shithole that you had ditched together three years prior. No matter how much you both hated the place, you made a return trip annually to celebrate Christmas with your families. It had become a Christmas Eve tradition to take a walk through the town alone and just reminisce about the times you shared as teenagers, wild and in love. Soon, you reached Benny’s diner where you always split a strawberry milkshake, just as you had on your first date in your senior year.

This year, however, Billy stopped short, steps away from the entrance. He brought you into him, lips crashing to yours like the waves crashed into the shore to seek refuge from the sea. After moments of feverish hands fleeing from the side of your face to tangled in your hands, they finally settled on your hips, and the boy in front of you slowly pulled you from him. Ever so carefully and cautiously, he sank to a single knee and pulled a piece of paper from the inside pocket of his denim jacket. He unfolded it over what felt like a million years before finally beginning to read.

“So, I know you probably want heartfelt, in the moment, on the spot words. But I can’t give that to you. Maybe it’s because I’m so afraid that if I do it that way, I’ll forget half of the things I wanted to say, or maybe it’s because you taught me the importance of thinking before you say something. So, if that’s what you want, blame yourself, because I got this from you. I got everything from you. I got my real self-esteem and security. I got closure with things that have happened in the past and been able to disconnect from the people who have hurt me and held onto the people who have loved me. I got the love of my life. I got you. This amazing girl who happily moved over thirty hours away from her hometown so that I could live in the place I grew up in and be close to my dead mom. I still don’t know why you picked me. I watch you get ready for work every morning, and all I can think is: ‘how did this woman ever fall in love with me?’ Even now, I still don’t get it. But I never want you to second guess my love for you. I never want you to think that we weren’t meant to be, because I promise you we are, baby girl. I want you to be my one and only. I want you forever. Forever and always. I want you through the good, and the bad, and the ugly. We’ll grow old together. Forever and always, baby. It can just be you and me sipping strawberry milkshakes in the crappy lighting of a rundown diner that you still manage to look amazing in. I want you by my side. So, (Y/N), love of my life, my one and only, my forever and always, will you give me the great honor of being your husband? Will you marry me?” Dropping the page of scribbles onto the snow below him, he pulled a small box that housed his mother’s ring from his pocket. Carefully so as to not drop it onto the ground, he opened it to show you the physicality of what he had to offer you.

Halting and just barely bringing your vehicle to park, you thoughtlessly marched up to the front desk, somehow asking for Billy, even though the words coming through your mouth had never quite registered in your head. A nurse from her nearby station came over to introduce herself as Rosa, the woman you had spoken with on the phone only twenty minutes earlier. She guided you through the endless maze of hallways as she explained that they had tried to get a hold of you for an hour, but only getting the tone of a busy line before successfully getting through.

“I’m sorry,” you replied. “I was trying to find Billy, so I called nearly our whole address book.”

“It’s fine. Now, your fiancé is only just getting out of surgery. He has a lot of internal bleeding, and he severely burned his lower limbs. Our team of surgeons has done the most they can; now it’s his job to pull through. Some of the other men from his station are here in the waiting room, and a few are in surgeries themselves. I know that it may not seem like it, but he was lucky to have made it out alive. From what I understand, there was one that didn’t. I do need to be honest with you, though. Things do not look very good. He has a chance, but it’s slim. I think you need to prepare to say goodbye. He will be awake, and he will not look very good, or even himself.” Rosa’s voice kept droning on after this, but your mind blocked it out, still reeling over the words ‘prepare to say goodbye’. She’d only had him for four years, and now she was supposed to say goodbye? What happened to forever and always?

The two of you finally approach a room where Rosa stops. Holding your face into a hard composure, you stared at where “Hargrove” had been scribbled onto the dry erase board hanging from the door. Letting out a breath you hadn’t realized you’d been holding deep inside your lungs, you began the short trek from your place in the hall with Rosa to your new place sitting in the chair pushed up to Billy’s bed. His hand grasped into yours, you squeezed it tight in search of that familiarity that you always found in it.

“Ow, babe.” Billy squeaked. You swiftly released your hold, on to feel him tighten it ever so slightly.

“What are we gonna do, Will? I’m not going to let you die, William.” You couldn’t keep your straight face anymore as your tears tumbled down the paths of your cheeks.

“Here’s what we’re gonna do. We’re going to get married; I don’t care if it’s in a big church, or city hall, or fuck, even a drive-thru in Vegas. And we’re going to move out of that stupid one-bedroom. I’m going to get promoted to Captain after surviving this; I can just feel it. I’m going to buy you a big house just outside the city, on the hillside or the suburbs. We’ll squeeze a few puppies out of you, and raise them with tenderness and love. They can play hockey and take piano lessons. I’ll be the nice parent, and you’ll have to be the tough one. Before we know it, we’ll be going from cleaning mudpies they make in the backyard to bong spills on the basement carpet. But we’ll love them anyway. I’m gonna love our kids so much. Soon, they’ll grow up, and it’ll be just me and you again. I’ll take you for strawberry milkshakes, and we’ll watch sunsets from our porch. We’ll babysit our grandkids that our children named after us to prove how amazing we were. This time, we can both be nice because they’re not our kids. And we’re going to grow old together. Forever and always, just like we say. Just like that cheesy note you keep on the fridge says.” The words shake out of his mouth between hisses of pain and sighs of momentary sighs of relief. Your unoccupied hand reached up to pat away the sweat beginning to line his forehead, and you ran your fingers through his now shortened hair. You could still remember the day he cut off his mullet, in exchange for a more traditional look. He hated it with every fiber of his being but seeing the sparkle in your eye as you no longer saw the mop mess sitting atop his head helped him to grow into liking it. He had stalked obnoxiously into your local Waffle House that you worked at. At first glance, you expected it to be just another customer, not even recognizing him until he took off his aviators to reveal the eyes you’d spent hours staring into. Your face quickly lit up, a broad smile stretching across your cheeks. While there were days that you missed the mullet and the crazy teenager that came with it, you loved this haircut.

“We’ll have a daughter named Maia, and a son named William. They’ll have your blonde curls and my (Y/E/C) eyes. They’ll be the cutest kids you’ll ever see, but not in that way that you only think they’re beautiful because they’re your own kids. They’ll be beautiful for real,” you added onto his fantasy.

“Of course they will. Look at who their dad is.” The man lying on the bed before you who only slightly resembled the Billy you had known chuckled, holding onto his bruised ribs. “I’m kidding. It’s all because of their mother. Their beautiful mother.”

“No matter what happens, it’s just going to be me and you, right, Will?” Any sense of laughter and airiness had floated out of the room, to be replaced by a severe tone hanging above.

“Babe, we gotta be real now. It hurts. It hurts more than any pain I have ever endured in my life, and I don’t know how much longer I can keep holding on and doing this. If something happens, you need to let go. You may be the love of my life, and this might hurt me so much, but you might also be the love of someone else’s life. And as much as I want to be selfish about this and tell you not to run to someone else when I go, I want you to be happy. That’s all I have ever wanted. I just wish I had married you first.” Small sobs shook through his bones as the salty tears streaked down his cheeks. Between the pain of the accident and pain of losing you, he could feel himself losing his strength and energy. His breaths started to get raspier, becoming far and few in between. Rosa walked in from her place in the hall with her head ducked so you wouldn’t see the tears falling from her own eyes. She lifted an oxygen mask up to his mouth and adjusted him slightly to fit the strap around the back of his head. Taking a few deep breaths of this, his weak hand slipped out of yours to rest on the bed beside him.

Pulling yourself away, you rushed out of the room, Rosa coming up behind. Holding yourself up on the railings that lined the hallway, everything that you’d been holding in through the last hour of sitting in the room came pouring out. The small nurse behind you rubbed your back and soothed your cries with soft hushes. You couldn’t breathe as you felt the sterile walls closing in around you, locking you into your misery. The two of you stayed this way for the next 10 minutes, her never leaving you but circling an open palm between your shoulder blades.

“I’m going to marry him.” As if out of nowhere, the words squeaked out of you, shaking with your ragged breaths.

Rosa quickly arranged from for the chaplain from the small chapel downstairs to come up to the 6th floor and wed you, just as you were meant to do months from now. The elderly couple next door offered you their wedding rings after hearing all that had happened through the paper thin walls, promising you that they brought good fortune and long lives of love and happiness.

With the bouquet of flowers from the gift shop donated by the nurses, you and Billy held onto each other’s hands and listened to Father Charles speaking on the tie between love and long life. Glazing over the words he speaks, you focused on the palm pressed to yours and gave it a tight squeeze. Billy looked up at you, and you swear in this light and in this moment, you didn’t see anything else. It’s as if God has sent down his most heavenly angel to peer up at you. You didn’t even look at the cuts and bruises that had formed on his brow but saw Billy. You saw the seventeen-year-old boy who held you close in his arms at the prom you begged him to go to, never letting you know how much he was genuinely enjoying it. You saw the eighteen-year-old boy driving down the highway, the California sun bringing out the highlights of his golden hair as you escaped the small town you had once called ‘home’ back in Indiana. You saw the nineteen-year-old Billy, excitedly telling you about landing his dream job at a fire-station, and how he was going to save lives. You see twenty-year-old Billy, staring intently at a piece of paper with a knee on the ground while the soft flakes of snow gather around his face to create a picture frame for your single favorite moment.

“I think it’s time for the vows. Do you want to say your own, or use the standard ones?” the priest asks, drawing you from your fantasy.

“We’ll say our own,” you and Billy spoke in unison. The audience made up of the nurses, his station buddies that had been in the waiting room, and the old couple from the place next door gave out a laugh.

Father Charles encouraged you to begin, so taking a big breath, you did.

“William Alexander Hargrove, I want you through everything that may be thrown our way. I won’t let this ruin us. I vow to love you every day from now until the end of the world, in the same way, I did when we were just a couple of kids without a clue. I vow always to hold you when you cry. I vow to stop stealing fries from your plate and eat my own. I vow to kill all of the spiders. I vow to keep that page that you wrote when you proposed hanging from the fridge. I vow to do everything I can to keep you here. I want you forever; forever and always. I want you through the good, the bad, and the ugly. We’ll grow old together and always remember whether happy, or sad, or whatever, we’ll still love each other. Forever and always.” By now, your tears are hitting the floor, and your hands rattle like wind through the leaves. The heart monitor standing on the other side of his bed is only letting out slow beeps. It feels like whole minutes are passing between each of their mechanical noises.

When he spoke, his voice was so quiet you could barely hear it.

He merely says, “(Y/N) (Y/M/N) (Y/L/N), I’ll love you forever; forever and always. Please just remember, even if I’m not there, I’ll always love you. Forever and always.”

You each carefully slip the second-hand rings onto the others’ fingers. Letting go of your hand, he waved Rosa over to whisper something out into her ear. Silently, she went into the bag of personal belongings in his drawer to pull out his Virgin Mary necklace, offering it out to him. He weakly dropped it over your head, lining up the pendant with your heart. Without saying a word, the two of you held each other here for a few minutes, his hand on your heart and your hand combing through the blond strands of his hair. The minister in front of you cleared his throat and officially pronounced you husband and wife.

With a kiss of passion and fire, the short chirps from the monitor gave out into a long monotone hum.

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