#I’m so late but wowowow

[honeyedlashton]

These have unmistakeable cowboy energy 🤠

[sungwoonha]

i

[lovexdeepspace]

“life without you.”

summary; months after breaking up with them, they come for reconciliation.

warnings; heartbreak, break-ups

note; wowowow the first part to this blew up and i am so beyond thankful for all the love! after this comes more requests :D

!! divider by @cafekitsune !!

first part | angst ending

“we should probably see other people.”

༊*·˚. xavier

it had been a couple of months since you broke things off with xavier and the way his face had contorted into one of subtle shock made you feel, well, better about things. although it had pained you to say the words, knowing that he was instantly hit with something — be it guilt, regret, sadness, whatever — made you feel better knowing it meant he still cared enough about you.

though the months of silence that followed had you second guessing that notion, no matter how many times you tried to tell yourself it was normal for this to happen and that you should take advantage of this time. you would never admit to anyone the many nights you would spend on your couch, waiting around late at night hoping that knock would come on your door and your sleepy hunter would be on the other side.

perhaps you ended up manifesting it one too many times, however, because now you stand pj-clad in your doorway with one hand on your hip and a raised brow as xavier held out a round, marshmallow-looking stuffed bunny to you.

“what’s this?” you deadpanned, knowing exactly what he was doing — you just wanted to hear him say it.

xavier’s lips pressed into a tight line as he avoided your eyes and muttered, “i really screwed up. i didn’t realize how good things were with you until i lost you.”

you stayed silent, motioning for him to continue when he glanced your way.

“i don’t deserve to ask you for forgiveness, let alone should i expect you to take me back,” he said, holding your gaze, “but i’d be even more of a fool not to try. i’m so, so sorry i put you in such a shitty situation.”

xavier pushed the bunny a little closer to you, brightening a bit as you took it into your arms. it was soft and downright adorable, a stuffed reflection of the man in front of you(though, again, something else on the list of things that wouldn’t be admitted by you).

“i don’t expect you to answer me any time soon,” he added quickly, filling the silence, “so i’ll just —“

“xavier.”

the blonde immediately shut his mouth, giving you his rapt attention. with a sigh you look from the bunny to him before extending a hand to him, albeit hesitantly.

“i was in the middle of watching a movie,” you said, earning a confused look. “do you want to finish it with me?”

if your heart wasn’t racing by that point, the way xavier’s face broke out in a grin before he grabbed your hand excitedly and pulled you into your own apartment had it pounding against your rib cage like a drum.

༊*·˚. rafayel

you recieved a torrent of snarky, snappy texts following your brief break-up with rafayel. he switched between gaslighting you that nothing was happening and that you were overreacting to him acting nonchalant about the whole thing; it was so bad that you had to block his number before you even got back to your apartment, which was a few blocks away.

it was weird to not have your phone blowing up all day long but, at the same time, the silence was a sort of reprieve while you dealt with the emotional repercussions of the whole situation. it allowed you some peace of mind and gave you the space needed to cope and, with the months that followed, grow more comfortable with not being in a relationship anymore.

you had finally found yourself at peace once again, keeping yourself busy with things to do like trying out the new restaurant downtown. as you were getting ready to head out, a knock came from your front door.

“just a minute!” you called, adjusting the collar of your blouse in the mirror before heading to the door and opening it. “oh.”

standing in front of you was rafayel and thomas, the latter giving you a sweet smile and a wave.

“nice to see you!” he chirped before giving rafayel a shove on the shoulder and gesturing to you. “i’ll be in the car.”

“good seeing you, too, thomas,” you called as he walked off, then turned to rafayel. “so. it took your manager forcing you for you to come see me?”

rafayel pouted at you and crossed his arms over his chest. “last i checked, you’re the one who blocked my number.”

you barked out a laugh, unsure as to why you’d be surprised about the audacity of this man. “well, maybe it’s because you tried to downplay my feelings!”

“well i’m sorry, okay?” rafayel retorted, matching your raised volume. “there, happy?”

“happy?” you echoed, running a hand down your face. “rafayel, if you really think —”

“you’re right.”

you froze, biting back the rest of your statement and raising a brow. “i’m right?”

rafayel nodded, dropping his arms to his sides. “i fucked up. like truly, undoubtedly fucked up. and here i am, thinking i can just say sorry and fix it all but that’s not how it works. i’ve got this whole front to keep up to protect my stupid ego but. . .” he sniffles and you realize there are tears in his eyes but he continues before you can speak up.

“fuck my ego,” he spat, clearly more angry at himself with every word he spoke. “my life has been complete and utter shit without you in it. i thought i knew what i was doing but i was wrong and i can’t even begin to express how sorry i am. i don’t deserve forgiveness or anything from you but gods you deserved an apology and i hope this is at least somewhat sufficient.”

rafayel sniffled again, the tip of his nose reddening as he wiped at his eyes. you were shocked to say the least, rooted to the spot as you watched the man you always thought to be so invulnerable breaking down in front of you.

slowly you reached out and your hands pulled his away from his face. he looked at you with wide, teary eyes as your hands cupped his face, your thumbs brushing the few remaining tears away. he whispered your name and you sighed, feeling all the hardened feelings towards the artist and your breakup softening to mush.

“i’ve missed you,” he whispered, leaning into your touch, and everything gets thrown out the window as you press a quick kiss to his forehead, then his cheeks, then the corner of his lips.

“i missed you too,” you said quietly. “come inside — i’ll tell thomas that i’ll drive you home later.”

༊*·˚. zayne

his coldness towards you was to be expected but still stung more than you could’ve expected. what made the break-up even worse was that you had to do it at the hospital and she was present for it all. you had tripped over your words and felt like a fool but knew, deep down, it needed to be done to prevent you from spending another sleepless night.

you had accounted for the way you’d feel when you’d find his clothes in your laundry; you’d accounted for the way your heart would surge whenever the rare occurrence came that you’d see him out and about in linkon city; everything was thought out and prepared for to avoid feeling too harshly.

what you had failed to account for, however, was how you’d feel when you came home one day to find zayne sitting on your couch with at least ten different bouquets of flowers surrounding him.

first it was shock — you quite literally dropped all your belongings. zayne raised an eyebrow at your reaction as if it wasn’t incredibly surprising to see him sitting in your apartment after having months of no contact.

second it was realization — you hadn’t taken your spare key back. as soon as it hit you your shock wore off and you groaned, running a hand down your face. after a long day at work this was the last thing you were expecting and needed.

last came the indifference. you gestured to him, then to the door. zayne stood slowly and walked around the bouquets, heading for the door. you were surprised up until he shut the door and headed back to his original spot on the couch.

“zayne,” you deadpanned. “that was a sign for you to leave.”

“do you really want me to leave?” the doctor asked, his steely gaze sending shivers down your spine.

no. “why are you even here?” you asked, defeated, purposely avoiding the question. “months of not talking and you suddenly appear in my apartment? what gives?”

“i need to apologize,” zayne replied bluntly, gesturing to the plethora of flowers surrounding him. “did the flowers not make that obvious? are they not enough? should i have gotten more?”

he looked somewhat distraught as he looked around him and you shook your head with a sigh to cover up the way the corners of your mouth twitched. you’d hardly seen zayne so stressed let alone stressed over flowers and if they were enough for you.

“zayne, the flowers are lovely,” you assured him. “more than i know what to do with, though.”

zayne nodded slowly, a bit more at ease. he stood once more and walked over to you, stopping right in front of you. he took a deep breath and looked you square in the eye, though you noted the way his eyes flitted down to your lips for a split second.

“what i did, how i treated you, all of it was unacceptable,” he said softly and you couldn’t help but already feel him worming his way through your walls. “i don’t know what i was thinking — or if i was even thinking at all. you are the most caring, respectful, and loving partner anyone could ever ask for. i was so lucky to have you by my side and i foolishly messed everything up.”

you wanted to reach out and wrap your arms around him, truly, but he still looked as if he had more to say so you held yourself back for a moment longer.

“you are everything to me,” he said, “and i will do whatever i need to do to regain your trust, your love, everything. however long it takes — days, months, years, nothing else matters to me more than you.”

you were in awe of the man standing before you, so moved by his words and actions that you couldn’t help but wind your arms around him and pull him close to you. you could feel him relax in your embrace, something that nobody else could do no matter what. with your cheek pressed to his chest, you smiled to yourself as you felt him press a kiss to the crown of your head and his arms wrap tightly around you.

“since i went a little overboard with the flowers,” he mumbled, “do you think we should take them down to the hospital and give them out to the patients?”

there he was. your zayne. sweet, compassionate, loving zayne.

taglist; @chim-i @reialbert @circusclownsam @yegrnn @kreishin @xmikanx @frobin4ever @keitthen <3 & all the anons that requested this!

[imaginedisish]

Graceland Too (Din Djarin x fem!Reader)

A/N: Hi everyone!!! Wowowow am I active this week LOL (fyi this is a re-upload. Decided to proofread one more time bc I uploaded at like 2AM last night). Here is a little sick fic I wrote for my friend who isn’t feeling too great (hope you’re feeling okay <3). The fic is heavily based around “Graceland Too” by Phoebe Bridgers but it is also inspired by “oh baby” by LCD Soundsystem. Highly suggest giving those a listen. Anyway, requests are open. Enjoy!

Summary: You’re terribly sick, but one night and one fever dream might just change everything for you and Din. 

Warnings: SMUT! 18+, Praise kink (imo at least), oral (f!receiving), fingering, reader is sick, Jedi!Reader (it’s like I only know how to write Din x Jedi!readers I stg), idiots/friends to lovers, pining, mentions of death/major violence (canon typical I'd say), cursing, probably some grammar stuff....that’s it I think. 

Word Count: 3,018

The wind is cold as it slices you in half, but you feel overwhelmingly hot, clammy even. Sweat dribbles down your forehead as you tread across the rocks beneath your feet. Blaster shots ring out in the distance.

You struggle to pick up your pace, your boots sticking to the ground as you try to put one foot in front of the other.

“Mando!” You call out, remembering not to use his real name.  Fog covers the ground, filling the air at an excruciatingly quick rate. You’d never be able to find him in this. You call out to him again, but there’s no answer. You’d take a grunt or even a groan at this point.

Then there’s a disembodied, brittle voice coming from behind you.

“Looking for him?” It’s grating, nasally. You’d recognize it anywhere.

You turn around frantically, practically giving yourself whiplash.

“Bo Katan.” Your voice is low, hushed. Din’s body is limp on the ground, being held up on his knees by the woman in front of you. There’s a smirk on her face. She has the darksaber in her hand…

And it’s at Din’s throat.

“Let him go,” You plead. You go to grab your lightsaber, a blaster, something, anything at your utility belt, but there’s nothing there. You have no defense, just your words. “You got what you came for, you have the darksaber.”

She scoffs, shaking her head, her smirk widening. “I haven’t finished the job yet. I still have to kill you and your Mandalorian.”

Your eyes widen with fear, blurring with tears. “No please, please don’t hurt him.” Your voice croaks as you choke back sobs.

“Too late.” She moves the darksaber from his throat, plunging it into his chest with one fatal swoop.

“DIN!” You scream, crashing down to your knees next to him.

“I’m here mesh’la…” He whispers, but it doesn’t sound like he’s next to you, he’s somewhere off in the distance. His husky voice calls out your name.

“I’m right here.” He repeats himself. Your eyes force themselves open as you shove your palms into the bed to push yourself up. You almost hit your head on the top of the bunk in the process, but Din stops you before you can, his cold, gloved hands coming up to your shoulders. “It was just a nightmare.” His voice is honeyed, gentle.

You look to your left to see him standing at your side, armor off, helmet on.

“M’sorry,” You mutter, rubbing your eyes. You feel like absolute shit, worse than yesterday. Your skin is so hot that it threatens to burn a hole in Din’s gloves. You choke down a cough, the sensation vibrating painfully against your already pounding head. “Didn’t mean to wake you.”

You had been sick for a few days now, and Din was doing everything by himself: the ship’s maintenance, the flying, the hunting, taking care of Grogu, and taking care of you. Now, to make matters worse, you had woken him up. You know he doesn’t get enough rest to begin with. You feel like a burden – and not just in this moment, always. You were a danger to yourself, to Din, to Grogu; a force wielding ex-Jedi, ex-Empire captive wanted by anyone and everyone. And yet, he had let you into his little clan of two with open arms. Now he was here, caring for you. You could’ve gone home, made a place for yourself in the New Republic, continued your Jedi training, but you didn’t.

You met Din. And you felt so, so guilty for the repercussions of your meeting.  

You part your lips, ready to usher him back to bed, to apologize again. But Din doesn’t leave room for you to protest. “Don’t apologize, please.” He shushes you, taking off a glove and pressing the back of his hand against your forehead. You hum lightly under his touch. He feels like ice against your blazingly hot skin.

“Your hand…” You trail off, struggling to speak, “feels good.”

Your hoarse voice sounds like nothing more than a set of incoherent mumblings, but Din seems to understand every syllable. He chuckles shortly and softly, as if the laugh was only meant to be heard by you. “That’s ‘cause you’re warmer now than you were yesterday.” He flips his hand over so that his palm rests against your skin. His forefingers and thumb rub gently at your temples, working tirelessly at your raging headache.

With his free hand, he reaches down for something you can’t quite see. Seconds later he’s holding two pills in front of your face. You immediately take them from him, no questions asked. Whatever it was, you’d take it. This was absolutely unbearable, and the constant fever dreams certainly didn’t help. You swallow the pills with no hesitation, and Din brings a metal cup to your lips.

“Drink,” is all he says, and you do.  You take the cup from his hands, the cold water rushing down your throat, temporarily easing the pain you feel there. Din apprehensively settles his arm on your waist. “This okay?” He asks, a slight shake in his voice. You nod in response, smiling appreciatively.

“Thank you,” You whisper, tilting your head to the side with affection. You swallow harshly, clearing your throat. “You can go back to sleep now if you want. I’ll be okay.”

But Din doesn’t flinch, he doesn’t move at all. He ignores your permission to leave completely. “What dream did you have this time?”

You shudder, remembering what you had seen just moments ago. Din instantly takes account of the look on your face, his grip on your waist tightening, stabilizing you, keeping you tethered to reality – to him.

You draw in a deep breath, practically coughing up your lungs in the process. “Bo Katan, s-she,” You stutter, your eyes shutting tightly in between words. You could still see it. It was ingrained in your brain, burnt into the grooves, sowed in between every empty space. You can still feel her. It was so real. “She had the darksaber and she…” But you can’t finish. Your vision is blurry, your surroundings morphing into an amalgamation of streaks of light and grey metallic colors. You blink and a few cool tears drip down your searing cheeks.

“Hey,” Din coos, his helmet inching closer towards your face, his hands still glued around your waist and atop your forehead. “I’ve got you now. It was just a nightmare. Nothing’s gonna hurt you, mesh’la, nothing.”

You cough out a laugh. “Nothing except a red-haired Mandalorian and whatever this fever is.”

But Din shakes his head. “Not if I can help it.” It isn’t until those words fall from his lips that you realize how close he is to you, how intimate this moment is. His armor is long gone, and you can see the outline of his muscles in his shoulders and arms, his deltoids, his triceps, underneath his flight suit.

“I would…” He trails off, a tremble obviously present in his voice. His confidence has completely disappeared. The vulnerability of the moment makes your head spin faster than it already is. You watch his chest rise and fall, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat. You hear him suck in a sharp breath through his vocoder. “I would do anything for you.”

Anything. He would do anything? For you?

Your heart beats rapidly, threatening to combust against your ribs as Din’s hand on your forehead slides down to your cheek. You’ve forgotten your fever at this point, forgotten your headache, your sore throat. All you feel now is Din, his thumb grazing against your cheek, his fingers ghosting along the exposed slit of skin between the hemline of your shirt and the waistline of your shorts.

You want to keep him here, to ask him to hang on to you all night long, but you don’t know if you have the courage to ask. You close your eyes, inhaling through your nose, gathering your words before they spill from your lips. “Would you…” Your voice fades out, evaporating into silence, unable to finish your sentence.

“Anything,” Din’s modulated voice echoes against the walls of the bunk. “Say the word and it’s yours. Whatever you want, cyare.”

Fuck. He really means anything. Whatever you want.

“Would you stay…with me?” It’s a garbled, incomprehensible mess of a question, but as always, Din knows what’s on your mind better than you do.

Din nods immediately. “Of course.” It’s short, but certainly not curt. Those two words say far more than what they mean. “I have to let go of you for just a second, but I’ll be right back, I promise.” Ever the caretaker, Din Djarin. Eternally putting others before himself. It makes your heart pang in your chest, your breath catching in your throat.

He hesitates a moment before finally letting go of you, his hands brushing over your skin for a few extra seconds, stealing time that had already been borrowed. He slips deeper into the hull. You hear him press a few buttons in the distance, and then with a sudden flick, the lights of the hull go out. Darkness fills the room, and you can hear Din shuffling back towards the bunk.

There’s a click and a hiss, and then the sound of metal falling onto metal. Din had taken his helmet off. It wasn’t the first time he had done this. You occasionally found yourself in his bunk, clinging to him for warmth when you were on a particularly cold planet or when the Crest’s heating system had broken down, but it was rare.

“Should you keep it on?” You ask as Din pushes the covers of the bed down. You feel the mattress dip as he slides into the bunk. “I’m still sick, you know.” The last thing you wanted was to make Din feel the way you feel right now. You didn’t want him to get hurt. You had to protect him, too.

You don’t realize how close he is to you until you feel his breath fan across your lips. “No.” It’s a whisper, barely audible. “Wanna make you feel safe.”

“But-,”

He cuts you off. “It’s worth the risk.”

You were worth the risk.

The darkness isn’t so scary when he’s next to you. You close your eyes, listening closely to his unmodulated breaths. His arm snakes up your body, coming to rest around your waist, in the exact spot he was in before.

“Din?” You call out in the darkness. You inch forward a bit, unexpectedly bumping your nose into his. The sudden touch, the proximity, it’s all becoming too much for you to bear.

“Yes, cyare?” His voice is husky, low, rough.

You can’t even remember what it was you were going to ask him. All you can think about is how close he is, how his fingers graze over your stomach, how his breath ghosts over your cheeks, how much you want him to kiss you.

Maker, you want him to kiss you. Would he if you asked him to? Was that under the category of, anything?

“Cyare?” He’s concerned. You can hear it in the way the pet name plays on his lips, hanging around in the air longer than normal.

“I-I,” You stutter. Was now really the time to do this, to confess your feelings to Din? “I don’t know what to say.” It was true, maybe a little too true. “I just, I like you Din.”

He chuckles. Maker, it sounds so much better without his helmet. “I like you too, cyar’ika.” He’s unserious, carefree.

“No,” You mumble. You feel like a child, a padawan once again, not knowing how to communicate or to feel. “Not like that. M-more than that.” You wish you could see the look on his face, to gauge what he was feeling.

Silence takes hold of the bunk. Shit. Too much. Too much too soon. I shouldn’t have-

And then, like always, Din reads your mind. His lips come crashing down onto yours. The kiss is reckless, frenzied, deep. He molds against you, as if he was always meant to fit here. You almost regret not doing something sooner. You think, maybe you’ve wasted valuable time that you could’ve already spent with this side of him. But you know you’ve lived through everything you’ve been through, just to get to this very moment, to feel his lips taking yours, his tongue sliding along your lower lip, seeking permission to explore more of you. You part your mouth, gladly accepting his invitation.

His hand at your waist travels lower, resting along the inside of your thigh. You moan against his lips at the touch. You can feel your wetness growing between your legs, the pulsing of your core. You instinctively try to press your thighs together, searching for some sort of friction, but Din stops you, using his hand to keep your legs spread wide for him.

His fingers tread achingly slow up your inner thigh, teasing you, his nails softly scratching against your exposed skin. Din’s hand finally lands on top of your clothed cunt, his thumb tracing circles into the overly sensitive spot. You’re trembling under his touch as he presses harder into where you need him most.

“S-shit,” You mutter. “Feels s-so good.”

Din swallows harshly. “Wanna taste you, mesh’la. Bet you taste so good.” Desire coats his voice. His hand slips away from your heat and you groan at the loss of contact. He finds the waistline of your shorts, tugging a bit, searching for permission.

“Please, wanna feel you,” You whimper. And that’s all he needs. Din drags your shorts and panties down your legs. You’re not sure where they end up, but you can’t be bothered to care.

Din presses light kisses against your inner thigh, his stubble scratching lightly against your skin, until he finally reaches your core. His tongue begins to explore your folds, pushing through before finally settling on your clit.

“D-Din!” You cry out as he takes the sensitive bud into his mouth, sucking roughly. “Fuck, feels s’good.” Your words slur and your eyes blur as he laps at you.

“Tastes so good, so fucking sweet.” The vibrations of Din’s voice against your clit pushes you closer to the edge. You were already practically there.

He brings a finger to your folds, spreading your slick before sinking deep inside of you. The sensation coaxes a moan from your lips, and Din takes this as a sign to add another finger. He gives you a moment to adjust to him before pulling out and crashing back into you. He’s pushing further inside you as he takes you on his tongue. Nothing else matters, and nothing else will ever be the same.  

“Doing so good for me, sweet girl,” He soothes, his tongue swirling around your clit as his fingers thrust in and out of your entrance. “You sound so pretty when you say my name.”

“Din.” It’s a whisper, a plea. More, please, more. “Don’t stop. Fuck.” His free hand glides under your shirt, pushing your bra up and out of the way. He takes a nipple between his thumb and forefinger, pinching lightly, rolling the nub around before switching to the other. He squeezes softly, luring you closer to your breaking point.

“Taking me so good, being such a good girl,” Din groans. You throw your head back against the pillow. His words alone were enough to drive you mad. “Gonna make you come, gonna give you whatever you want, mesh’la.”

His name rolls off your tongue. You’re unsure of where it starts and where it ends, whispering it over and over again like you’re trying to commit this moment to some eternal memory.

His tongue presses harder into your clit, his fingers pumping faster, deeper inside of you. You couldn’t hold back anymore. You were right there, your walls tightening around Din’s fingers.

“Din I’m gonna-,” But it’s impossible to get the words out. You’re a bleating mess underneath him.

“That’s it, come for me, pretty girl. Wanted this for so long,” His praises, his confessions, send you over the edge, searing heat spreading across every inch of your body. “You’re so beautiful, so perfect for me.” You can feel yourself shattering under his touch, your walls fluttering around him.

“F-fuck Din,” You whimper, riding out your high. Din slowly laps at your swollen clit, his fingers gently pumping in and out of you a few more times before pulling out. You feel empty without them. “N-need more. Need to feel you.” You can’t help but beg. It wasn’t enough. You wanted all of him, needed all of him.  

“Not tonight, cyar’ika,” Din breathes as he finds his way back next to you. “Don’t wanna push you too far. You’re sick, don’t forget. I promised I wouldn’t let anything happen to you, remember?” There’s a faint laugh in his voice, a certain genuine happiness that you can’t wait to hear more of.

“Tomorrow?” You ask, shifting so that your head rests against his chest.

“As long as you’re feeling better…” He trails off for a second, mulling his words over in his head before continuing, “I’ll do anything you want me to.” You know there’s a smile tugging at his lips, you can hear it. It makes your heart flutter in your chest. “Get some rest, okay?”

You nod your head, nestling even further into him. You wrap a leg around his waist, and he follows suit by wrapping his arms around you.

“Goodnight, Din.”

“Goodnight, mesh’la.”

No longer a danger to herself or others

She made up her mind and laced up her shoes…

Said she knows she lived through it to get to this moment

Ate a sleeve of saltines on my floor, and I knew then

I would do anything you want me to

I would do anything for you

I would do anything, I would do anything

Whatever you want me to do, I will do

I will do anything (whatever you want)

Whatever she wants (whatever you want)

[happypot0001]

BEAUTIFUL PERSON AWARD! Once you are given this award you’re supposed to paste it in the asks of 8 people who deserve it. If you break the chain nothing happens but it’s sweet to know someone thinks you’re beautiful inside and out <33

FHFKAKAMS THIS IS SO SWEET!!!! I’m so glad other people are doing this it’s nice to see a community sharing kindness with one another!!!☺️💕💕 THANK YOU QUAMAII WOWOWOW 😭😭😭 THANK YOU FOR GIFTING ME THIS AWARD IT MEANS A LOT💕💕💕💕💕 YOU’RE SUCH A COOL PERSON THAT INSPIRED ME VERY MUCH!!! YOU SEEM LIKE YOU KBOW ALMOST EVERYTHING YOU’RE DOING WHILE I DONT KNOW IF IM GOING TO EAT BREAKFAST TODAY (I actually don’t know it’s a bit late in the morning and I haven’t gotten out of bed yet😭) YOU’RE ALSO A VERY VERY GREAT ARTIST YOU DRAW SO WELL😭😭 I ADORE EVERYTHING YOU DO SO JUST KNOW YOU HAVE A DIE-HARD FAN SOMEWHERE IN THE CORNER OF THE SOCIAL MEDIA HEHE💕💕💕💕💕

FJJDJDJ THABK YOU ONCE AGAIN QUAMAII!!! Lots of love to you and anyone else who may be reading!!💕💕

[lilbitofmac]

Any (sfw) ironstrange fic refs?

Sorry for the late response on this— my memory is always pretty spotty, so I have trouble recalling good fics to recommend!

I’ll give you a top ten request, how about that? These are all AO3 fics!

End of Infinity by FriendlyNeighborhoodFangirls — I feel like if you’re a big shipper of ironstrange, you’ve gotta check out this absolute masterpiece of a fic!! It’s a suuuper slowburn, clocking in at 291+ chapters and still ongoing. Normally, I don’t read fics that aren’t finished, but trust me this one had me sobbing for days. Check out their other works, as well!!

The Blood in Your Veins by Aelaer — Wowowow, this fic absolutely shook me to my core. If you’re okay with some heavy angst, I would 10000% recommend this. Aelaer’s writing is so engaging and the care and understanding they have of Stephen and Tony’s perspectives and motivations are *chef’s kiss* Also, any fic that can actually make me care about the original characters within it? Automatically raises my respect for them.

The Sorcerer of Ephemeral Colors by Imagined — I LOVE FANTASY AUs FOR THIS SHIP!!!! Mage Stephen and Prince Tony go together so fucking well, I could go absolutely insane UGGHH!! This is another big boy fic, but the progression and story-telling, as well as the world-building are done so well!! If you like Fantasy AUs, you’ll love this fic!

(Sober) Companion by funkylittleidiot — It’s been a minute since I read this one, but I was thinking about picking it up again! Another AU fic, this time No Powers with the twist of Stephen helping people recover from their addictions! I wasn’t so sure about the premise at first, but honestly I loved how the author handled the subject matter from what I can remember. Heavy on the Tony angst. I really just love fics where Stephen takes care of Tony =w=;; I think this one is sfw? I really need to reread it 😅

The One to Bet On by airas_story — UGHHHH I LOVE THEIR WORK SO MUCH!!!! This is another fic that’s still ongoing! I am absolutely a SUCKER for time traveler Tony. It is so interesting to see what he does in the past to fix the future, and so far I’m really enjoying where they’re taking the story! Check out their other fics, as well, if you enjoy this one!!

Embers by surveycorpsjean — Idk man this is just a soft fic with these two 🥺💕 Steve and the other Avengers do make an appearance; there’s no character bashing or anything like that, but they don’t take up too much time in the fic! Stephen is just so smitten in this, and I absolutely adore it. Also another author you should check out their other works!

A witch’s cat by harpywrites — TONY GETS STEPHEN A CAT, AND ITS THE CUTEST THING EVER UGGHHH!!! Such a soft, feel-good fic, I absolutely love how Harpy writes Tony here. Seriously, if you just want a quick fic to make you smile, this is the one for you. If you want some heavy Stephen angst, though, check out the rest of Harpy’s works!! She loves to torture the poor sorcerer 💀

dream a little dream of me by DarkKitty1208 — You asked for sfw fics, so I’m not sure how deep angst can get before you call it quits? But if you’re cool with it, I highly recommend this one. Heavy Stephen angst with Tony helping him through his struggles; the imagery in this fic is stunning!!! Kitty has a very good understanding of Stephen and his struggles, so it’s super engaging to see this man trying and failing to cope with his demons! If you want more Stephen angst, check out Kitty’s LIBRARY of fics. Stephen never catches a break istg.

The Affection Thief by airas_story — I’m cheating by including them again on this list, but mostly it’s because I’ve run out of sfw fics 😅 THIS ONE IS SO DAMN CUTE!!!! Stephen gets turned into a cat and shenanigans ensue!! It’s such a simple concept, but the way my heart melted at how they wrote Stephen in this *sobs*

Annnd I’ll cheat for the final one, too.

Prophets in the Graveyard by FriendlyNeighborhoodFangirls — Another Fantasy AU fic because god I can’t get enough of them!!! This time with a murder mystery twist ohohoho! Another long boy with a slowburn because I love to torture myself in the best of ways. Again, this author just handles world-building, pacing, and characterization so so so fucking beautifully in their works. If you haven’t read from them, I beg of you to check out their fics!!

(Honorable Mention: you should absolutely also check out atypicalsnowman’s collection of works. I particularly love their “whatever souls are made of” fic, but it does have eventual smut!! Just seeing how Stephen and Tony would navigate a situation where they use a soul bond to defeat Thanos is ugghh so good.)

[lume-nosity]

aaa hi i’m back!! (where my hug at) life has been very tough as of late because wowowow i’m like an adult at this point wtf and so many serious things have juggled up together but i’m tougher! so i’m okay and very much refreshed now after that little break i took. waaagshds i missed you all even though i was out for like 3-4 days not even a week </3 (the parasocialism is crazy)

and thank you for the comments and concerns i appreciate each and every one of you so much <3

also in about a week or so i’ll be gone again for a week because of midterms and other personal businesses i’d have to attend to for the month,, i’ll make a post on that when the times comes. but i’m feeling better now so i’ll be here for a bit to chill and be silly yippee!!

[turntabless]

hi love!!!!

The Colour and the Shape by Foo Fighters

🔮 the colour and the shape - foo fighters 🔮

welcome back to turntable takes!!! this week we have a request sent from the wonderful, absolutely lovely @lord-of-the-weird !! love you darling <3 things in my life kinda exploded so i am getting to this waaaaayyyyy too late, but here we are!

genres: alternative rock, grunge, hard rock, punk rock

doll

ohhhhh. the soft vocals through that crackly radio filter in the beginning is so beautiful? and the soft strumming of the guitar is so perfect. ‘doll me up in my bad luck / i’ll meet you there’ is suuuch an intriguing line. the introduction of the drums being louder and then backing off as the clear vocals come in? insane. BASS pretty yummy wowowow. god i swear i wanna eat these vocals. oooooooo soft to RASPY!!!

monkey wrench

OH FUCK this one is immediately different!!! huuuuuge guitar moment at the very beginning of it! such a masterful change in tone and tempo. THE FULL STOP. GOD YEAH. these lyrics and the riff that reappears in between the lines??? yum yum yum. i swear the little bit of whine in dave’s voice especially during the chorus is soooooooo lovely it’s so perfect for the song i think especially when his voice is so raspy for a lot of the song??? OHHH stripped back layered vocals on the ‘temper’ repeated lines?? DAVE SCREAMING? god this fucks!!!! so cathartic!!!!! and right back to the chorus??? perfect. the drums are so solid and the bass and guitar work so well together this FUCKS! adore the repeating ‘fall in fall out’ parts!!

hey, johnny park!

ohoHO drum breakdown to begin. scrumptious. guitars joining in sooooo well with so much crunch??? lovely. OOOOO stripping back the heavy guitars dave’s voice is SHINING with the strumming guitar n full bass. drums there just enough to notice and love. BACK to the heavier instrumentals with soft vocals that move into rasp??? WHEW. also these lyrics hurt as well!!! it’s such an emotive album so far but it’s SO good? OH little falsetto moment in the layered backing vocals. TRULY living for the slight whine in his voice i’m TELLING you. oooooooo cute lil guitar moment. the lead is so Clear and it’s just breaking out of the muddy bass and rhythm. DRUM BREAK AGAIN. RASPIER HEAVIER VOCS this is insane!

my poor brain

oh SHUT UP fade in to this song????? INCREDIBLE. that was SICK!! chaotic distortion of the instrumental and then a quick flip to soft strumming and a nice bassline??? HIGHER VOCALS that kinda melt into the instruments a little bit??? TO HARD HEAVY GUITAR BASS DRUMS and then BACK TO SOFT????????? FOO FIGHTERS ULTIMATE KINGS OF SWITCHING UP THE VIBE !!!! AGAIN this heavy chorus is INSANE and tbh… the drums are doing it for me so much. OOO cute lil electrical/phone(?) noises during a screaming breakdown. lead guitar higher just melting into the mud of the bass n drums so nicely. ‘sometimes i wish that i could change / i can’t save you from my poor brain’ oowwwwwwwwww. this ending instrumental fucks!

wind up

OH. OH YOURE KIDDING. yummy yummy warbling guitar with heavy drums and a SICK riff. this melody too is so cool with the little descending notes?? yum. SCREAM BABYGIRL. truly this is really cool to see how they play with pitch and melody to set the tone??? because the chorus is a bit softer and the instrumentals are more stripped back. DISTORTION AGAIN OOOOOIHHHJ i love when guitar starts Bleating at me like it’s truly TRULY A FAVOURITE THING. MORE SCREAMING GO BABE !!!!

up in arms

oooooooooo fuzzy guitar immediately yummy. soft!!!! slightly echoey vocals and a Very grungy feel with the music until they get stripped back again. yummmmmmm the fuzz is so nice. NO FUCKING WAY. DRUM BREAKDOWN INTO FASTER HARDER GUITAR THIS FUCKS!!!! his voice still between soft n hardcore it’s so scratching the brain. THE WHINE. FUCK YEAHHHHHH. MMMHM. oooooo FUCK GUITAR SOLO THIS FUCKS. feels like a teen movie tbh. niiiiice stripped back ending with some drum beats to break it up

my hero

DRUMS BASS SHINING IMMEDIATELY. THIS IS INSANELY GOOD FOR ME. oooo sexy lil riff. the chorus and the construction of the melody is so intriguing and the lyrics KILL. emotional guitar and you can feel it in the vocals so well!! oooooh. the lil turn of the guitar going slightly flat was such a yummy choice. nah this is so COOL. TEMPO INSTRUMENTAL VOCALS PICKING UP FOR SOME HEAVINESS. scrumptious. this lil ascending riff is sooooo good. oooooo distorted guitar noodling to finish it

see you

acoustic???? moment????? oooooo this is insane. this feels SO GOOD. oh my god. BASS IS SO CLEAR THIS IS IT FOR ME. whine is back and i’m so happy but he has such range and control on these vocs??? oooo instruments picking up slightly. lil more distortion. stripped back down. is this an upright bass also??? it sounds so much like one i’m not sure. LAYERED VOCALS LETS GO!!!! this is really pretty actually :’)

enough space

DISTORTION LETS GOOOOO i love songs that start with some funky noises. SHUT UP THIS BASS IS SO FAT N CRUNCHY this is for ME! heavy guitars let’s GO!!! we’re so back <3 OH that bass is so fucking clear i love it here. scrumptious. RASP YELL SCREAM !!!!! yeah yeah yeahhhhhh. nah they’re tooooo good at switching the tempo. chorus is when shit starts picking up and it reaches that crescendo and is stripped back so immediately after and soooooo well. looooove this guitar as well. insane. so warbled and muddy. fucks HARD all throughout. sharp cut off. great.

february stars

stoooooop are you fucking with me???? isolated piano???? soft vocals????? LAYERED VOCALS?????????? guitar entered. bASS THERE YOU ARE. THE SOOOOOFT SOFT DRUMS so sharp n perfect. YES okay we’re getting more clear slightly rougher but still so stripped back. it’s so intriguing to me how versatile this band is!!! also these lyrics are making me SAD !!!!!!! god my love for this bass in this album cannot be overstated. SHUT UP THEY PICKED IT UP ITS SO GRUNGE POWER BALLAD. SLIGHT DISTORTION ON THE GUITARS SO GRIMY SO BEAUTIFUL. goated lyrics i’m in love.

everlong

ooooooooo. OHHHHH. bass drums guitar absolutely melting together beautifully?? the start is so dark and velvety and it progressively gets a little sharper. druuuuums. gorgeous. and these lyrics might actually kill me im SO SAD. also wowow the whine is so back!! also booold choice of including what sounds like vocalizing with the other instruments and it absolutely worked. this is so truly cathartic i’m gonna go scream sing this to myself at 3am. WHISPERING THROUGH THE RADIO FILTER WITH BASS N GUITAR AND THEN IT ABSOLUTELY BREAKS INTO SOARING INSTEUMENTALS AGAIN. come ON!!!! CHORD TO END IT. ohgh.

walking after you

acoustic guitar strumming beautifully with just the loveliest lyrics. there’s something along with the guitar that’s just a little darker and deeper and it does feel so nice. very grunge very beautiful. cymbals slowly phasing in. yummy. they sneak up and its beautiful!!! these vocals too are so insane to me. so gentle so evocative!!! they truly can do it all. why is my heart breaking at this album i haven’t even gone through a breakup like ?!!?!! sorry again so entranced by these cymbal runs. yum. guitar is nice and jangly at some parts but so soaring and clear too?? god.

new way home

WE ARE BACK EVERYBODY!!! fun lil electric guitar riff with some western jangle in it. love. love how raspy n beautiful the vocals are. this sounds much more alt rock than some of the other ones and that is COOL i love it!!!! fun lil bass lines in my eeaaarrrrssssss. so good. oh???? OH?????? whispering with almost completely stripped back instrumental. gradual crescendo with some light higher strumming of a guitar??? this is SICK???? OH SHIT THEYRE SPEEDING UP!!!! TEMPO CHANGE FOLKS!!!! SCREEEAMMM IT OUT WOOOOO!!!! this is so COOL!!! once again insanely evocative but it feels like acceptance to me which is so fascinating and SUCH A WAY to start closing out the album. OOOOOOOOOO lower pitched guitar just beautifully playing and soaring so clearly above the instrumental. FADE OUT !!! LIFE CHANGED!!!!

the colour and the shape

HIGH DISTORTED NOODLING GUITAR TO LOW. SCREAMING. BASS IS INSANE HERE. GOD WHAT????? this is so SICK??? LET IT OUT BESTIE !!!! GOD drums also insane right now just loud enough to be caught and it’s melding so well with everything. CYMBALS. woooooow!!! SHAPE SHAPE SHAPE SHAPE SHAPE!!!! okay i know i said acceptance but this is FULLY a fit of anger and i LOVE IT!!! ohhhhohoho. feedback from the guitar to fade us out. INSANE. ENERGIZING. BATSHIT. wow.

thoughts: foo fighters truly kings of changing up the tone and brightness of the song. like fully switching from gentle strumming and piano to fully-fledged hard rock. muddy grimy guitars and bass to light and flowing power ballad moments. screaming to falsetto!!! how. wonderful. also they’re just so intriguing and creative with riffs and melodies that it’s so lovely to listen and see where the song goes! this album is truly breakup album ever. WOW. thank you kk for changing my neurochemical structure.

[finelinefae]

Hi love!! How are you?? I hope you are fine and stay hydrated and eat fresh fruitssss!!💞

oh my goodness 😭😭 tysm sweetest person ever ever !!! I’m okay !!! my mood and headspace is just so up and down lately - these past few months have been very tricky to deal with and I’ve been struggling some days and doing well others but hey ho that’s just life 🫡 I haven’t written anything in WEEKS and it makes me so sad honestly !! I haven’t really taken the time to focus on any of my hobbies which SUCKS 😭😭

However on a lighter note !! I saw Hozier for the first time ever and wowowow the most magical person ! It was in a park and the sun had come out and I felt like I was going to a festival in a mythical fairy land the entire time !! 🥹 what magic ✨

Anyway sorry my answer is so long but thank you so much bestie for asking !! I hope you’re also having the best time ever wherever you are and soaking up so much love and light 💕 that goes for ALL OF YOU too‼️🫵

[nebulanewts]

So I’m uh…very late to the party with these bc I was really trying to sit out whatever bug is going on for me but I saw this the day it came out and was like WHAT????

I did NOT expect the previews to be released so early,but tbh I’m not complaining I was wondering when they were coming out :0c anyways,these were my initial impressions hearing the one in this video and the SIF 2 previews ⬇️⬇️

Ayumu - “Walking Dream” : Not gonna lie,this is not the song I expected to hear from this detective outfit but it’s really good - I like the bells and light waltz-y feel of the instrumentals,it’s not my FAVORITE Ayumu solo but it’s still nice plus it’s just the preview so idk I might change my mind when the full comes out

Kasumi - “Senobi Shittate” : You know what? This is a totally different sound for Kasumin,but I like it quite a bit - Not really my style personally,but the instrumental is really pretty and it shows a more mature Kasumi which is nice (and yes,I’m semi counting this as her black swan era too because of the instrumentals alone)

Shizuku - “Koakuma LOVE ♡” : My immediate thoughts are…HUH???? Like,I had a feeling that her solo may be cutesier due to her outfit choices but like…not like this and I love it so much,it may be one of my favorites so far :0c (but then again,imo Shizuku’s solos are always at least decent so it’s not that big of a surprise ig dndjdj - also everyone saying she swapped song styles with Kasumi is RIGHT omg)

Karin - “My Shadow” : If you look up “Karin Asaka” and put “having a bad song” next to it,you will find NOTHING because FINALLY!!!! KARIN GOT HER JAZZ SOLO!!!!! …ok it’s not exactly jazz more like electro swing but you know what? I will take it,this song is SO good - this one might be up there when it comes to my favorites too bc wow,I hope they keep doing this sort of song in LL

Ai - “Request for U” : Ok,so I was right about Ai getting a more mellow song than usual and honestly?? It works really well for her,it’s still somewhat upbeat and very Ai-y but like Kasumi’s,it shows a different side to her that I like a lot :] it’s rlly cute

Kanata - “Cooking with Love” : WOWOWOW my mind is blown with this one…this might be my favorite out of the album so far and my favorite Kanata solo like it sounds like a magical girl anime ending and I am so about it,we knew with that jirai kei outfit that she was gonna cook and cook she DID,this girl made a whole sweets buffet and I will eat every bite

Setsuna - “Cherry Bomb” : So the words on her merch WERE the title of her song,and boy is this song good too like…these songs were worth the wait - Hayamaru’s voice is fantastic,it’s distinctly different but still very Setsuna sounding,I love the sort of harder rock sound in this song :0c I’m one of the few that’s very 50/50 on Setsuna’s solos but this one is really good,they really cranked up the shounen anime opening vibes for her and I like it a lot

Emma - “Koisuru Sunflower” : This album continues to be full of surprises,I was expecting a slower song due to the outfit but am pleasantly surprised with this mid-tempo calypso-y song - Emma’s songs always have this sort of warm comfy sound,I feel like I’m relaxing on the beach with a fun drink listening to it idk what it is

Rina - “Watashi wa Magnet” : …huh this song is a lot slower than I expected it to be with the outfit,but I think it’s funny that Rina has gotten two love songs consistently although this one is more upbeat and bubbly compared to the more bittersweet somber sound of First Love Again,but it’s not really my style like it’s not terrible it’s just not a song I think I’ll listen to often ykwim

Shioriko - “Koufukuron” : Ok…this is absolutely not how I expected this to sound,like her outfit names were things like “Undead Celebrity” and “Royal Skeleton” - I fully expected this song to be kind of spooky sounding but no…ily Shio but this preview does NOT do the song justice,it just seems so flat in comparison to her other songs I’m kinda disappointed :/

Mia - “Lemonade” : The song is very cute,it gives me very 2009 Hannah Montana but like a good b-side - There’s other Mia solos I like more,but this one is alright and also some of the lyrics are a little…silly but it’s easier to brush past this time (looking at you Toy Doll)

Lanzhu - “5201314 / I Love You for A Lifetime” : And the most unique song title in Love Live goes to…Zhong Lanzhu! But seriously,Lanzhu really does not miss,this song is so good :0c I like that she speaks a little more Mandarin in this song,and even the general vibe of the song reflects that too. It still has her sound,but has elements to it that are new - She truly never makes a bad song

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

HI ARI!!! IT’S 🐟 ANON HERE! the last fanart you rb of satoru reminds me so much of elegant stone and used chisel… i was also listening to hozier’s ‘empire now’ and now im stuck TT

the first thing i thought was a modern retell of the galatea and pygmalion myth where reader is feeling very stressed because lately they’ve had weird dreams and they know there’s a missing piece somewhere. and maybe they’re an artist? so they get commissioned to create a beautiful statue for some rich dude but their mind is a blank canvas. no idea, no thoughts, the chisel feels heavy on their hands as never before, the cuts on the wooden side too annoying to make it properly comfortable to use again.

so one night they lock themselves in the studio and they play with the marble a bit until the inspiration kicks in. and before they notice it, they have a statue. one that feels familiar, with traits that they swear they’ve seen before somewhere… but oh, it’s just so beautiful. probably their proudest work, and they fall in love with it. they pray the gods to make the statue an human but it doesn’t work. no gods hear their lovesick prayers or if they are, they are turning their heads away. and maybe when the deadline arrives reader either destroy the statue (that is satoru) to not leave it in the hands of someone else OR makes a double one (less curated, more disheveled with the marble scraped at the edges) to sell, while hiding satoru in their studio… because when you pour so much love in your creation— whose face resembles that of a past lover or someone you dearly loved in one of your past lives on top of it all, i guess it’s difficult to go back to the life you had before 😔😔

i dunno… the fanart was just so beautiful… :(((( btw, hope you have a good day! stay hydrated! and i hope you had a nice easter 🫶🏼🫶🏼

🐟 ANON MY LOVEEEEE !!!!!!

THIS CONCEPT . HOLY FUCK. YOU’RE INSANEEEEE AND I MEAN THAT IN THE MOST WONDERFUL WAY EVER….. i’m genuinely so enamored w it??????? there’s smth abt this trope that i can’t help but adore just . the idea of falling in Love w a piece of art!!!!! wowowow!!!!!! it appeals to me so much already and then you go and pair it up w SATORU GOJO…… yeahhhh you’re out for my life i fear 😔

BUT WAHHHH I’M JUST :((((( he really is perfect for it isn’t he. he’s too gorgeous. like a finely crafted sculpture. who wouldn’t fall in love w him a little???? and the possibility of him being physically similar to a lover in your past life………. that’s SO tasty. the idea of being tasked with the mission to create something beautiful, only for your hands to subconsciously mimic the appearance of a forgotten lover…… SOBS. you’re a poet 🐟 anon!!! the way you worded this whole thing makes me so emotional!!!!! :’3 i also lovelovelove the ending…. or the possible endings. reader hiding satoru away or destroying him so that no one else can have him….. there’s something both tender and kind of twisted in that i think. it’s so gooddddd i’m gonna CRY i need a fic of this so bad……………

I JUST . love this very much 🥺 thank you SO much for sharing my dearest….. this concept has me so mesmerized. i hope you’re having a lovely day/night too!!!! and drinking lots of water!!!!!!!! sending you all my love n kisses <333333

[wiliowisp]

I love your writing! I’m so sad the fandom is so quiet as of late but your stories give me the excitement I felt when I first got into Sebastian

wowowow thank you so much !!!! thats super high praise as i know how insane i was about him when i first played HL lmao

and yes, seemingly the fandom has quieted down a bit but i was late to the party so am not sure how much busier we were !! i dont mind though, there are still so many wonderful creators in HL and i hope i can provide a lil something for those of us who remain <3

[ncmvds]

:: Nova RP Wishlist

Figured I should start making these. I think I’ll only do three, but I’ll likely add more stuff to these posts as I think of things.

1. love at first sight plot, but with slowburn 

I am in such a sappy mood lately and desperately need some romance plots in. I would love a plot where Nova and another character become smitten with each other immediately as they catch each other’s eyes, but due to circumstances, they are forced to withhold their feelings from everyone including each other. (The only reason I can see this working out with her empath powers is that she has a hard time distinguishing between her own and other people’s feelings if they happen to be feeling something intense at the same time.) I just think it could be cute, especially if everyone close to them figures it out first aaaaaah :’>

2. A plot involving her having to negotiate/fight with the navy for the release of one of her villagers 

I haven’t done much in terms of the Hatooiens having to actually deal with the Navy/world government. I’d love for her to have to fight with someone in order to steal one of her folks back. It’d be really interesting if the officer was actually morally good but still had to follow these orders of basically executing someone just for existing. 

3. A plot where Nova joins the navy/pirates as part of a deal to keep her family safe. 

I’m pretty sure I’ve done something similar with her in the past, but I’d love to go more in-depth with it. It’s been a while since I’ve rewritten some verses, but I could see Nova and her crew being nicely forced to stay on Whole Cake Island because of their unique race and the fact they have a whole lot of “juice” to give Big Mom. Nova trying to rationalize and take the fall for any mistakes that any members might make. 

I can see Big Mom also using her mother-figure-esque position to manipulate Nova a bit since Nova never really knew her own mother. She wouldn’t be completely ignorant of what’s going on, so would probably do her best to convince Big Mom to let Apalla “find the rest of the remnants” as an excuse to get her sister as far away from there as possible. 

Don’t get me started on the navy alternative, there’d be so many mixed feelings and accusations to deal with there wowowow. 

[rome-roy]

wowowow fun :) my only remaining friend from high school (and real life) has now blocked me on instagram and privated her account. I guess so she can chat shit about me! And like I’m sad to lose her but also…

I’m definitely in the wrong myself but to just drop me? ok sure… that’s reasonable.

I want to rant for a sec. You don’t need to read this but feel free to tell me if I’m the asshole. I know I am a bit but… yeah. I feel guilty but not enough to warrant her reaction? Maybe?

So we’ve been friends since HS, but I left school and moved away. So we’ve kept in contact on and off over the years. Saw each other rarely but it sometimes it happened. I could probably count on my hands the amount of times we’ve seen each other (less than 10.)

One thing that is clear about me to anyone and most certainly her: I am terrible at staying in contact.

I’ll see a message and say I’ll respond later. And then it gets too late. Weeks go by. Most of the time I completely forget about it. And I end up not responding at all. I dislike this about myself. A lot of the time I don’t respond because I need time to think about the message or time where I don’t have distractions around me. The only time I can guarantee this is when I go to bed, and sometimes I’m just too sleepy or want to chill. Tough cycle to break.

Anyway, she knows this about me. I’ve been like this since high school. She’s never been mad about it, or at least she’s not said anything. We usually fall back into old ways before I lapse again.

Before lockdown (or the year of?) we decided to try writing some scripts together. We’ve been trying to do it for ages, but it’s hard to pin me down. I have no schedule, I cannot ever guarantee her a time in which we can both hop online and write. This especially got harder when she moved to Korea. Like where my life is at the minute… I don’t think anyone really understands how it makes me feel and how I feel I can’t do anything. I cannot dedicate my time because I don’t know what’s happening week to week, and I don’t want to inconvenience anyone else around me. I already feel like such an inconvenience to them.

ANYWAY, I told her this a few months ago, along with the fact that I’m just not feeling the story anymore and I’m struggling to be creative. I hoped that would be it, I’d have some space from the writing till I was able to think again. I was also kinda annoyed that we weren’t starting from scratch like we said we would but just editing what we had. We both agreed it needed to be completely rewritten… but no? She sent me a couple of voice notes, I didn’t have the time to listen to them straightaway so I put it off… we know how this goes.

So instead of just leaving me be for a bit she continues to message me. She messages me when she sees I’m online. Keeps trying to catch me out. And this kinda pisses me off. I don’t like that behaviour, just because I’m online doesn’t mean I have to talk to her. She doesn’t know what’s going on in my life. Having constant access to people online has fucked the world up a little - being online does not mean fully available and at your disposal. Oftentimes I wouldn’t actually be online. I’d click onto messenger to check the family groupchats and then go off… but it still says you’re active for a little while after that. I guess it’ll say you’re active if you have the tab open too. Not only did I not have time to start up a conversation with her but her trying to make me respond to her made me put it off even more.

Eventually she just messages me and says, to sum it up, ‘bye.’ I’m like… okay so… is this it?? She’s dropping me? None of my behaviour is out of the ordinary for me, I’ve never argued with her, never said a bad word, never fallen out with a friend before. After a few weeks she tries to catch me out some more. There’s a bit of attitude to her words and I’m not about that.

ON MY BIRTHDAY she posts a very plain ‘happy birthday!’ on my page. I honestly thought she wouldn’t bother. I can’t avoid it any longer, I say thanks and that I’m going to reply to her and explain. But it’s my birthday, I plan to do it the next day. No. That night she messages me after seeing I’m online and says ‘I thought we were friends??’ I’m tired and honestly just doing a quick scroll on insta before bed but I write back to give a brief summary and that I’ll reply in full later because I’m tired. I tell her that I see I’ve caused her pain and how terrible I feel, which I 100% do. She doesn’t respond straightaway so I go to sleep.

Next day I see she’s said that ‘it hasn’t caused [her] pain it’s just fucking annoying, do [I] want to write with [her] or not?’ and… I have been so so tempted to say ‘do you want a friend or do you a writing partner?’ but I can’t bring myself to do it. Because this is the only reason she’s been messaging me - so that I will write with her. The only reason she’s been in touch with me for a long while. I’ve been telling myself that people only want me around so they can use me for something that they want. She only talks to me because she wants to write this thing, for her benefit. Never about me, never reaching out for me. She has a fancy to start writing this again and that’s when she reaches out. That message really highlights that point to me, and the fact that the potential that she may have lost my friendship hasn’t actually caused her pain? But it’s been hurtful to me thinking she’s done? Like… do you actually care about me or do you just want me so you can write?

The story isn’t even what we started out with and has been really dominated by her and she’s never truly listened to anything I’ve said. I’ve tried to make her follow structures (and I hate structures usually but we really needed them) and suggested helpful things. It kinda means nothing but I do have a masters in creative writing, I know what I’m talking about. Yet all my suggestions go unfollowed.

She has not been the greatest friend to me (her 2019 birthday is a while other story), but I still love her. So I’m hurt. But in some respects I do wonder whether it’s for the best to maybe let her go. She’ll be fine, I know. She has lots of other friends and she has a boyfriend now. I don’t think she needs me… and I don’t think she’s wanted me for me in quite some time.

It’s a bit much for her to just go and block me. Like. I’m literally doing nothing. I’m not even posting, haven’t watched her insta story in a long time. But whatever. If she wants to go drastic and cut me out of her life like that so be it. I wonder if she’s going to unfriend me next?

I do plan on messaging her, maybe it will end up being the last time, but I don’t want to argue. I hate arguments so much, especially when we should be able to communicate like civilised adults.

[biandevil]

I’m watching basic instinct for the first time so I’m very late to this party when I say wowowow Sharon Stone wowowowowowoowoww

[clownaura]

his name is jerry the third and he loves making cute little drawings