#I’m sure it’ll be fine and fun. I just have a tendency to get v anxious v quickly

[mycological-mariner]

I’ve never done reenactment in my life. But suddenly my email about wondering if I could help out at all at the next event now includes a tent, what I need to bring in terms of plates, bed, cutlery, etc and I’m just like. I don’t object, but also. I have literally never been camping unless you count sleeping in the boot of a car when I was 11.

[flvcr]

— ( harry styles, twenty-five, cismale, he/him ) did you see ETIENNE FLUOR walking down main street earlier? you know who i’m talking about, they’re a POTTER / HOCKEY PLAYER. everybody in town says that they’re IDEALISTIC & INTUITIVE, but have a tendency to be UNPREDICTABLE & DESTRUCTIVE too. ETIENNE has been in town for THREE years. c'mon, they’re always requesting RUNNIN’ WITH THE DEVIL BY VAN HALEN at karaoke nights. well, i’m sure you’ll see them soon! @westmerestarters​

hiya! i am kt &+ underneath the read more is a LOT of info about my bb, etienne. ** insert clown emoji but make ‘em yee-haw ** if you’d like to plot you can reach me on here or at space cowboy#8536 on discord !! <33 v excited to interact with y’all and your bbs !!

𝖘𝖙𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖘𝖙𝖎𝖈𝖘

name: etienne ‘ marcel ‘ fluor. 

nicknames: goes by marcel, only allowing very few people to call him etienne.

gender / pronouns : cismale / he, him.

age: twenty-five.

birthday: june 27th.

zodiac: cancer !!

orientation: pansexual / panromantic.

occupation: hockey player ( currently injured ) // potter ( for fun ) !!

languages spoken: french, english & italian.

𝖎𝖓𝖘𝖕𝖎𝖗𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓

- PINTEREST - featuring his wardrobe, his home, his aesthetic, some character inspo and olive, his german shepard pup !!

- SPOTIFY PLAYLIST - what he is currently listening to !!

personality type: INFJ-T / THE ADVOCATE

moral alignment: chaotic good

style-wise: etienne is v stylish, but isn’t overly flashy by any means. he’s intuitive in the sense of what works and what doesn’t. willing to explore the latest wardrobe craze, but also just likes what he likes and likely won’t venture out unless pressed by another to do so. post coming soon for his wardrobe !!! they say that the cancer man’s clothing is selected to reflect “ sophistication over flash “ but kdgjn i’ll let ya’ll be the judge of that. he’s v much harry inspired clothing wardrobe, but also tones it down with some casual looks, especially when it comes to getting his hands dirty in creative aspects !! but can be a bit on the flashier side as well, especially w/ hockey press and what not !!

𝖇𝖆𝖈𝖐𝖌𝖗𝖔𝖚𝖓𝖉

   etienne ‘ marcel ’ fluor was born in montpellier, france to two lovely parents, theodore and estelle fluor ( both born in england themselves ) . he is the youngest of his siblings, having one older brother and an older sister, all of them being roughly two years apart. at the age of eight, his family relocated to montreal, canada as a result of a promotion his mother received, which at such a young age, etienne had no qualms with, despite his siblings’ uneasiness.  upon moving to a new country at a young age, etienne truly found himself via escaping into various books and movies. often attempting to write his own and would force encourage his siblings to act his skits/plays out for his parents enjoyment. he continues to be very close with his parents and siblings - recently he taught his parents how to use facetime, so catch him face timing his family on sunday nights. 

   growing up, etienne also enjoyed playing all types of sports ( his parents signing him up hoping that he’d make friends as a result, which he did ). when it came down to it, athletic abilities-wise, there truly wasn’t anything that he wasn’t ‘ good ’ at, and that’s simply because he’s always been such a competitive individual / as well as a perfectionist. that competitive/perfectionist energy caused him to go home and practice a skill or trick for hours in order to be able to come back the next day and whoop everyone’s asses. overall, he’s very athletic, found alternating between various sports offered not only at school, but as well as through local clubs. ultimately, his love and appreciation for hockey swayed him and soon enough it became his sole focus. due to his perfectionist tendencies, etienne is very dedicated to his craft, he will spend hours practicing specific tricks and skills in order to be the best at what he does, which transcends past hockey and into, really, every aspect of his life. 

   throughout highschool ; etienne was a v dedicated student. although he’s a bit reckless and loved to goof off, he was always acing classes and applying himself. he genuinely cares for others, you could’ve seen his ass volunteering at a soup kitchen with his mom on sundays and what not, as well as take part in various clubs and sports ! just SOFT and sporty things. during this time, he joined the ontario hockey league and from there was eventually scouted out and recruited to the pittsburgh penguins as a defenseman at the age of eighteen - forgoing his parents desire for him to attend a university. although he enjoyed his time with pittsburgh, he was excited when the idea of being traded came up - eager to explore a new city and immerse himself in a new area. 

      trigger warning - injury, dislocation ( just in case !!!! ) however, he really didn’t enjoy new york ( hehe ), so he relocated to westmere soon after his initial arrival to nyc - finding a lot of comfort in living in a less populated area. he would commute during the hockey season to nyc, which to him wasn’t very far away, so this is where he’s been residing for the last three years !! however, in the last couple of weeks while training for the upcoming season my lil bb injured himself - not to get into tooooo much detail, i’ll just leave it at shoulder dislocation / joint separation due to a hard hit !! basically he’s out for this upcoming season, already having surgery completed, he’s currently healing for the next couple of months, allowing himself to fully experience that westmere fall !!!

   overall, etienne can come off as a bit reserved, and distant whether that be a result of his untrusting nature of others, or simply unfamiliarity. it takes a bit of time before he feels comfortable to share his true opinion / commentary / only doing so when he feels secure to do so. he’s not necessarily unfriendly, just a bit distant / lost in his thoughts. which varies, as with most ppl ofc, upon person to person and his level of comfortability among them. despite his often lack of conversation, he abhors an uncomfortable silence to settle and will fill it with nonsense to simply avoid the feeling altogether. so, if you ever want to catch him rambling, just making him uncomfortable dkjfngdf. he definitely approaches most things with a bit of ‘ tough love ‘ . he doesn’t mind getting into a quarrel or two if he knows its worth the outcome he’s envisioned. etienne will tell others when they are fucking up, and if they are throwing a punch as a result - catch him leaning into it, which explains his bout of reckless antics. he can come off as a know it all, when it comes to advice giving, but more so because he thinks he’s really good at analyzing others and situations they are in, not necessarily because he’s lived through them himself, he’s just rather intuitive and able to empathize quite easily with others despite his verbal admittance of it. when it comes down to this binches reckless bits, he just feels so intensely that he ends up numbing himself in the aftermath of it all ( especially bc he’s definitely not sharing those feelings with the people around him ), therefore he’s willing to put himself into harms way in order to get a bit of that - happiness / pain, it doesn’t matter to him as long as he no longer feels overwhelmed by numbness. so, if ya see him with some scrapes and stitches ~ mind ya business. but he’ll likely try to drag somebody else into it, and make it seem like it was their idea. but if he is truly comfortable with somebody, he walks a fine line of won’t stop talking, especially if it’s an interest of his, and comfortable silence.

_________________________

𝖕𝖊𝖗𝖘𝖔𝖓𝖆𝖑𝖎𝖙𝖞 & 𝖍𝖆𝖇𝖎𝖙𝖘

he is a CANCER, therefore in this essay i will..... kidding but here’s some fun cancer info i saw that applies to my bb !! at first he appears to be wistful, sarcastic ( maybe a lil crabby ) , shy, distant and mysterious. this personality remains if he isn’t completely comfortable around somebody. but overall, that’s just his facade, his ‘smokescreen’ of sorts to scare off the world from his outwards persona. underneath that layer ( makes me think of shrek metaphor with onions // don’t mind me ), BUT he’s gentle, kind and affectionate ( if you manage to make it to that level * bell dings * ) !!! overall, etienne is a sensitive soul, a bit emotional although he’d rather d*e than show that to others. likely will internalize anything that can hurt his feelings / a low blow and will do something chaotic as a result later on bc of it. very polite, and a little worldly, he is truly the epitome of old-school gentlemanly manners. chivalry coming as a second nature to him !!

that was getting ramble-y, so continuing HERE. but when it comes to romance, as per the cancer man, the concept of love is a mystery, one that etienne is trying to attain. however, his shyness and innate distrust of others make it difficult for him to allow himself to fall in love. his guard is always up when it comes to his emotions, and it’ll take a bit of prodding before he’s willing to speak up on what’s desired from him. he’s v picky when it comes to finding the “ partner of his dreams “ - but he’s def willing to throw himself into the romance of the situation, i.e. buying flowers, riding white horses, and slaying metaphorical dragons. the traditional side means that he will shower his partner with thoughtful gifts, wine and dine them in the best restaurants, and try to grant their every wish. he will take the garbage out, fix that wobbly shelf, navigate on road trips, and kill more so trap and release bugs for his partner, and most important of all he will do it all without being asked. his loyalty and keen attention to the needs and wants of his potential partner. so basically, more so willing to showcase through actions than speak on it. it’s the little things, right ??!?!?! he def cherishes not just the act of being in a relationship, but what it means to become one with another person in mind, body, and soul.

prides himself on being able to make a mean cup of coffee, likely the worst person to watch a movie with bc he knows exactly how it’s going to end after only watching five minutes of it, he has a godawful sense of direction, will walk in circles for fifteen minutes before even raising a question about it/noticing ( but he refuses to acknowledge it. )

his house, car, workspace, junk drawer, closet….you name it - it’s organized, practically sparkling. often times arranged by color, and / or style. nothing is ever out of place, and if it is - there’s trouble brewing. but, more than anything, if he’s visiting somebody’s place and it’s messy, he will spend a solid thirty minutes picking everything up before doing whatever it is that was intended.

likes : reading, flowers, handwritten notes/letters, deep cleaning, baking, working on his pottery, watching the history channel and true crime docs and playing / watching hockey !!

dislikes : artichoke, clutter, sandals ( fkjgh ), unrealistic plotlines in movies &+ burnt coffee.

habits :  likely has a severe caffeine addiction, although he’s now normalized having six cups of coffee throughout his day. he’s an early riser, no matter how little the amount of sleep he’s received, he’s always the first to rise - for his early morning runs !!

strengths: creative, insightful, inspiring, convincing, determined and passionate, decisive, altruistic, intuitive !!

weaknesses: sensitive, extremely private, perfectionist, low-key always needs to have a cause / purpose, can burn out easily !!

overall : etienne truly strives to be kind, and genuinely wants for everyone to get along. treat people with kindness and the like. he has the best of intentions, but often times that can get a bit muddled with the way he goes about things due to his bit of chaotic energy / as well as his often points of getting lost in his thoughts. he won’t realize he’s been quiet for the last three hours unless it’s mentioned to him. he will do anything to lighten a dark mood, and will sacrifice / throw himself under the bus if its needed. however, he also is the type to cause the dark mood depending on the day. wahoo! his more reckless antics increase when he’s feeling a bit emotional !! but he’ll likely try and convince somebody to propose the idea so it’s not on him.

𝖗𝖆𝖓𝖉𝖔𝖒 𝖍𝖊𝖆𝖉 𝖈𝖆𝖓𝖔𝖓𝖘

he lives with sebastian !! with his commuting to nyc for the hockey season, he wanted somebody to be able to take care of his house / garden and what not, and thus, seb arrived.

he’s v into making ceramics, cups / bowls / vases / etc !! what began as a fun hobby to distract himself in the offseason became something that he truly enjoys. ( laughing about that scene in ghost BUT DKJFNG OKAY ) although he’s pretty low-key about it, you can catch him at the farmers market selling his creations !! some pictures of his work can be found on his pinterest board !!

he is a vegetarian ! he has been since his freshman year of high school and has no plans on eating seafood/meat ever again.

he loves fancy wine ~ he’s cultured. 

he can play the drums !!

he collects vintage matchbooks and the stickers off of various fruits ( he puts them in a little notebook - can be found on his bookshelf ).

saves handwritten notes and letters from pals.

he loves to garden !!!! he has a specified rose shearing hat.

HE WANTS TO JOIN A BOOKCLUB PLEASE !!!!!!!! or at least have some casual moments of silence with another reading. plz and tysm.

to make things a bit simple, he has all of harry’s tattoos !!  might add more along the way !! stay tuned, folks !!

𝖜𝖆𝖓𝖙𝖊𝖉 𝖈𝖔𝖓𝖓𝖊𝖈𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓𝖘

i am so up for anything!! please accept this ramble of ideas thrown below.  if you have any other ideas, lmk !!!! <3333 :’-) down to start from scratch and PLOT PLOT PLOT !

( 2 / 2 ) - BFFZ : the z for an added emphasis dkfjgnd. somebody who likely has a key to etienne’s house, they can enjoy one anothers company as well as the bouts of comfortable silence. you know how best friends are but kdjfngd still !! whether they are likeminded or polar opposites that just flow ~~ down for anything !! even a trio of sorts ?!

( 1 / 1 ) - RIDE OR DIE / CHAOTIC COMPANION : it would be wrong to say one is the more likely the bad influence over the other, although etienne may just be. these two find themselves bounding into, well hell, ( i guess??? ) together. playing on one anothers impulsiveness and if one ends up in the back of a police car, the other is handcuffed to them. and yet despite the length of their potential injuries, they find themselves thinking of something crazier to subject them to the next time around.

( 1 / 1 ) - GUARDIAN ANGEL / GOOD INFLUENCE : with etienne being a bit chaotic in nature, he needs somebody that is likely going to steer him clear from all the ideas that’ll bring him to the brink of disaster. he’s impulsive and in that desperate attempt to feel again, he’s very likely to bring a bit of mayhem upon himself. so while they may be worrying and attempting to talk his ideas down, he’s trying to get them to go along with his plan. it may be rare that he actually takes their advice, but when he does it seems to be for the best.

( 1 / 1 ) - PARTY FRIEND : these two know how to have a good time together. despite the amount of alcohol they are throwing back and the shenanigans they find themselves in as a result, this is a time where they also find themselves confiding in one another. if you look at their camera rolls, it’s likely they have tons of embarrassing and unflattering videos and pics of one another, in between their sob-worthy confessionals and venting/rants. these two trust one another, and although they love getting wreckT together, they find themselves discussing very raw and personal details. likely the only person etienne confides in, simply bc he’s completely plastered.

( 1 / 1 ) - SIBLING-LIKE RELATIONSHIP : these two have a love/hate relationship, very sibling like filled with pranks, competition, teasing and playful banter. however, when it comes down to it they have so much love and respect for one another. they know that no matter what happens they will always have one anothers back and be supportive of the other. truly a pure content filled relationship.

okay quick mention, ENEMY PLOTS ?!?!?!?!?!? i would live for one. i can’t imagine etienne being hardcore nasty, but i’d like to see whatever version comes out for this. so let’s get it djfngjakdfg maybe they just hold different viewpoints on the world and what not and clash, anything really !!! v open !!

( 1 / 1 ) - MENTOR - etienne needs a bit of structured or unstructured guidance, all depending on what their deemed mentor is wanting to impart on him, a bit of wisdom or slight chaos. kdjfgn he’ll take anything !! 

RANDOM LITTLE IDEAS : maybe they’ve heard of one another in town, but haven’t quite met yet! or maybe they see each other around all the time, but have yet to introduce themselves to one another but low-key maybe in some online forum for the town together ?! who knows some fun things kdjnfg i AM OPEN !

ooh maybe a slowburn of sorts ?! something spicy to wreck HIS and my life with.  dkfjgn we can base this off of chemistry !!! :’-)

[dr-gloom]

This is Halloween (Everybody Make a Scene)

Day 2 of the Sander’s Sides Spook Month! Oi Vey

Prompt: Trick-Or-Treating

Fandom: Sander’s Sides

Paring: LAMP/CALM

Words: 4,326 (sorryyyyy)

Summary: Patton really wants to go trick-or-treating and manages to convince his boyfriends, but not everyone is as enthusiastic as him about the idea of adult trick-or-treaters. 

Tags/Warnings: genderfluid Patton, Nightmare Before Christmas all over the place, I’m not sorry, some anxiety but let’s be honest I can’t write anything with Virgil without him freaking out at some point, mean suburban mom, can anyone feel my distaste for the suburbs yet?

Enjoy!

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@hungry-red-panda

Patton couldn’t believe no one was going trick-or-treating this year! Sure, they were all adults, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t have fun on Halloween. For some people, this meant going to haunted houses, or throwing parties, or watching horror movies. However, Virgil’s anxiety, Logan’s too-logical standpoint, and Roman’s tendency to have vivid nightmares for days when he was scared meant that the four couldn’t exactly participate in these things. That was fine with them; they didn’t need to go to crowded, noisy parties or scare themselves on purpose. That’s why they went trick-or-treating!

At least, they used to. The four of them had practically grown up together (with the exception of meeting Virgil in middle school) and they’d always trick-or-treated together for as long as Patton could remember. The tradition even carried on into high school, though Virgil was a little more reluctant after freshman year, which confused Patton (they always managed to talk him into it at the last minute though). Now that they’d graduated and were making plans for their future, the two calmer men had taken it as a sign to stop with the tradition. It was unacceptable!

Patton had been blowing up their group text for weeks with Halloween memes and requests to join him for trick-or-treating for the past few weeks, and so far, all he’d gotten was a confirmation from Roman – who he knew would never skip out on trick-or-treating – and a series of ‘lol’s from Virgil. Logan blatantly ignored anything to do with Halloween, instead sending the other three reminders to get to bed on time, do their assignments, or set their alarms for work. And he called Patton the worrywart.

Patton huffs as he checks his phone, shouldering his bookbag as he leaves his English class. Nothing from any of his boyfriends. Of course. Virgil was either asleep - seeing as he worked nights – or doing homework weeks before it was due – and Roman was undoubtedly at the theater rehearsing. He wouldn’t answer his phone for anything short of a fire. Someone shoulder-checked Patton, muttering something about ‘inconsiderate’ and ‘phones’, but Patton chose to ignore them. He wouldn’t let one grumpy gus sour his good mood!

He sends another message then pockets his phone, heading to the cafeteria. He just had to wait until Logan got out of class and Virgil got to school. He grabs their usual table in the corner of the cafeteria and sets his stuff spread out across the table, effectively reserving the space and letting himself drift off in thought. He didn’t know how long he’d been sitting like this when someone knocked on the table, startling him out of his thoughts. He looks up, smile growing on his face as he takes in Logan standing in front of him. He jumps up, darting to the other side of the table and pulling his boyfriend into a tight hug.

“Logan! Did you get out of class early?” Logan hugs back, his hold gentle but firm. “No, I believe you were simply stuck in your thoughts again, Patton.” Patton grins, letting go of Logan and rocking back on his feet.

“Well, I can’t help it! I was thinking about you-“ Logan blushes. “-and how much fun we’re gonna have trick-or-treating!” Logan blinks, processing what Patton said and groaning. “You’re still going on about that? I thought I told you, we’re far to old to be participating in such juvenile activities.” Patton sighs softly and gives Logan his best Kicked Puppy face. He can’t say no to that!

“No, Patton.”

“… Fine.” Patton wasn’t giving up, though. He will get Logan and Virgil to agree! The two sit down, Logan sitting across from Patton, quickly launching into conversation about their classmates and crazy professors. Virgil shows up not long after, slumping into the chair beside Patton and tiredly accepting his hug.

“Hey V! Did you get lots of sleep?” Virgil shrugs, splaying out over the chair like a true Disaster Gay™. “I slept a few hours last night.” Patton pouts, slumping his shoulders. “Then what’ve you been doing all day?” Virgil looks at his lap, picking at his nails. Patton frowns. “You were pacing your room worrying again, weren’t you?” Virgil doesn’t say anything. Patton’s frown deepens and he rotates his chair to fully face Virgil, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees and folding his hands together. “Come on, Virge, talk to us. What’s wrong?”

Virgil looks off at some distant corner as he speaks, unable to make eye contact. “I… Well, you want to go trick-or-treating this year…” Patton perks up slightly. “… I want to too, you know I love Halloween, but… Logan’s right. We’re too old. What if people stare at us? Or get mad at us? I don’t want some suburban mom sneering at us in front of a bunch of kids…” He shrugs, picking at his cuticles. “It’s dumb, I shouldn’t be worried about this, but I am. Sorry.”

Patton shakes his head and takes Virgil’s hands, stopping his nervous habit, his eyes drawn to the blue bracelet on Patton’s wrist. “Hey, none of that. Your worries are always valid, because they’re something that matters to you… If you really don’t want to go trick or treating this year, we don’t have to. But! If we do, it’ll be a ton of fun, whether something happens or not.” He notices Virgil’s expression, tacking on, “And if something does happen, you know me, Lo, and Ro will be right there with you to give ‘em what for!” He pulls back to mime an upper cut and Virgil snrks. Patton’s smile re-appears, and he squeezes the hand he’s still holding. “Whatever you decide to do, I’ll respect your decision, okay?”

Virgil squeezes back, a slight smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “Thanks, Pat.”

After that, the three boyfriends chat about school, the more resigned mood of the previous conversation quickly forgotten. Logan has to head to astrology not long after, bidding Patton and Virgil farewell and promising to stop by Patton’s apartment tomorrow. Once he’s gone, Patton turns back to Virgil, his bright smile turning to something softer.

“You doing okay now?”

Virgil nods, glancing at his hands. “Yeah… you sure you’d be okay with not trick or treating, though? I know you were really looking forward to it.” Patton’s mouth quirks to the side and he shrugs. “Well, I’ll be kinda bummed, because it’s super fun, but I’d much rather be with you guys than walking around by myself for candy I can buy. It’s about the experience.” He wiggles his eyebrows at Virgil. “But if we do,” He leans over and whispers in Virgil’s ear, smirking when the other shivers. “I have a feeling you’ll really like my costume.” When he sits back, Virgil’s face is absolutely red. Virgil pulls his hood up and ducks his head down, grumbling under his breath about ‘unfair sexy assholes’. Patton laughs, standing up and patting Virgil on the head.

“I gotta head to class, but I’ll see you tomorrow?” Virgil nods. “Yeah Pat, see you tomorrow.” Patton leans down as Virgil tilts his head up, the two sharing a brief kiss before Patton runs off to class. Virgil was practically guaranteed to come trick-or-treating now! Maybe Logan will be easier to convince now that he’s the only one resisting.

Patton paces their living room, practically vibrating with excitement. Their boyfriends were coming over!

Okay, so they came over pretty much every free day they had, and they saw Logan and Virgil at school at least three times a week, but still! They’re coming over! And they love them so much! And they were all going to have fun, watch movies, and (if Roman brought over his manipedi set like last time) do their nails! Patton glances at the purple bracelet on their wrist, the stamped-on words reading ‘they/them’. They’d been a gift from Logan when Patton came out as genderfluid. They had a purple one for they/them days, which they were wearing now, a blue one for he/him days, and a pink one for she/her days.

Maybe they’ll have Roman paint their nails purple this time.

A knock sounds at the door, and Patton rushes to answer it, yanking the door open and bouncing on the balls of their feet. Virgil stood on the other side of the doorway, hunched in on himself with his hands shoved in his pockets. His bulky headphones sat around his neck, meaning Virgil was feeling more anxious than usual; he had earbuds, but he used the headphones when he was feeling particularly anxious – they blocked out noise better and made it obvious he didn’t want people talking to him. Patton steps aside, chewing on their lip slightly.

“Kiddo, you know you can just walk in! This apartment is just as much mine as it is any of yours.” Virgil shrugs, sitting on the coffee table. “I know, I just feel weird walking into other people’s homes, even if that person is my-“ He hesitates slightly, and Patton just catches the movement of his eyes glancing down at their wrist. “-datemate. Actually, that makes it more awkward; what if you were making out with Roman? I’ve been humiliated enough.” Patton laughs at that, feeling their cheeks heat up slightly. “Okay, I get it. How about next time you text me and I’ll let you know if it’s safe?”

Virgil nods, propping his feet on the couch. “Sure, sounds good.” He looks around for a moment before adding, “Any idea when the others are going to get here, by the way?” Patton pulls out their phone. “Lo said he’d be here soon, and that was fifteen minutes ago, but you know how he can be.” Virgil chuckles. “Roman said he has to finish running through lines, so he’ll be here around noon. Which is in…” They check their cat wall clock, despite having a phone in their hand. “Twenty minutes!”

Virgil nods, and Patton sits on the couch, starting up a movie. Virgil turns around, sitting criss-cross on the coffee table, and leans back so his head is in Patton’s lap. His chest is hanging precariously in mid-air, making Patton laugh as they card their fingers through Virgil’s plumb-pigmented hair. They’re twenty minutes into the movie when Logan walks in, knocking on the door as he opens it. Patton grins at him from the couch and looks at Virgil’s upside-down face. “See? Lo gets it.” Virgil just sticks his tongue out, making Patton laugh as they turn their attention back to Logan. “Hey Lo! We’re just watching Nightmare Before Christmas, you wanna join?” Logan looks at the TV as he sits in the armchair. “I take it we’re waiting on Roman, then?” The two on the couch nod and Logan sighs softly. “Well, as far as Disney goes, I suppose we could do a lot worse than Nightmare Before Christmas.” Patton claps excitedly and goes to unpause the movie, jumping when the door suddenly opens.

“I want adventure in the great wide somewhere  ̴!”

Virgil smirks. “Then go, no one’s stopping you.”

Roman flops down on the couch, his head on Patton’s shoulder. “But not today ‘cause I am tired ̴.” Patton pats Roman’s head. “Bad day at work?” Roman sighs, shrugging softly. “There’s no such thing as a bad day in theater! But if there was… This would definitely fall into that category.” Patton makes an upset sound, hugging Roman. Virgil sits up and turns around to face the other three, looking at Roman. “What happened? I didn’t think theater nerds ever had bad days; all of you are always way too energetic and happy.” Roman laughs slightly, shaking his head. “It was sort of a Murphy’s Law kind of day. The costumes came back from the cleaners with some sort of disgusting residue on them that we can’t get off, my co-star fell off the stage and got a concussion, the director’s partner is in the hospital… No one could focus, and we’re performing next week.”

Virgil and Logan share a look as Patton rushes to make Roman feel better. “Don’t worry Ro! I’m sure everything will sort itself out and you guys will have a great show!” Roman doesn’t look like he believes them, so they continue. “You know what’d help distract you? Planning for trick-or-treating!” Roman perks up, looking between his partners. “You got them to say yes? We’re going?” Logan shot Patton a look, though the latter didn’t seem too guilty.

“I have agreed to no such thing. Both myself and Virgil have agreed-“

“Actually…. I kind of, maybe, want to go…” Patton and Roman wear twin looks of enthusiasm, and Logan looks at Virgil like he just took the last copy of Sherlock Holmes. “I know, okay. I know. But… They really wanna do it, and we always have fun… So why not? At least one last time.” Patton glances between Logan and Virgil, holding their breath. Roman bounces slightly on the couch, bad day all but forgotten. Logan looks between the other three and sighs, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “… Fine. Are we doing group costumes this year?”

His question was nearly drowned out by enthusiastic cheering.

Virgil messed with the fabric of his costume, wishing (not for the first time that evening) that he didn’t care about authenticity. This thing was itchy as hell. He looks up in the mirror, plucking at the burlap to pull it away from his arms. His body was thankfully protected by the pillows he was using as stuffing; The Boogey Man was pretty fat for a sack full of bugs. He checked his makeup one last time to make sure it was okay, thankful that it was supposed to be cold tonight and that he wouldn’t be overheating.

“Virge, come on! We’re going to miss all the candy!”

“Patently impossible; people often buy more candy than they could ever hope to distribute to avoid that dilemma.”

“Don’t logic me, Logan! You’re supposed to be Lock, stay in character!”

“I am; Lock is arguably the smartest of the three, next to Shock.”

Virgil shuts his door behind him, joining the other three in the living room. “So Patton’s the smartest, is what you’re saying.” Roman laughs, and Patton tries to stifle a laugh, wrist showing off a pink bracelet. Logan rolls his eyes.

“You know as well as I that Patton is Shock because she is having a ‘she day’, as we have grown to call it. She was going to be Barrel.” Roman throws an arm around Patton’s shoulders, leaning his weight against her slightly. “Well, she does look cute in that little witch dress, don’t you think?” Virgil looks at Patton’s costume, cheeks pinking slightly. He was ninety percent sure Shock’s dress was not supposed to be that short, or tight. Patton also had a wig on under her witch’s hat, styled to look more like Shock’s crazy hair. It’d taken almost an entire can of hair spray for Roman to get that right, but she looked great, Virgil had to admit.

“I was gonna be Shock even if this was a he or they day, and you know it! You’d never wear this dress, Lo.” Logan rolls his eyes again, adjusting his glasses.

“Yes, well, perhaps we should get going? Roman was insisting on not wasting anymore time.”

Roman jumps to attention, heading for the door. “Right! Off we go, gentleman! And lady.” He adds, winking at Patton and making her giggle. Virgil plucks at the burlap one last time before looking back at his apartment, standing in the doorway. He better not regret this.

They’d been out for about an hour now, methodically weaving their way through the local neighborhoods. Virgil had been extremely anxious in the beginning, hanging in the back of their little group and staying quiet whenever children would pass with their parents. After enough spontaneous singing (Roman) and peppy jokes and stories (Patton), he’d begun to calm down enough to really enjoy himself. Currently, they were headed down the block, skipping a few houses in favor of making their way to the richer neighborhoods; some kid had told Roman there were full-sized candy bars.

The divide between the social classes was apparent in the decorations; those with plenty of money and financial security were more comfortable blowing cash on fancy decorations like animatronic zombies or demon children. Virgil could see the first houses just ahead when he started catching the stares. And the whispers. The children pointing fingers. Parents squinting or shaking their heads. Virgil looked at the ground, a ball of embarrassment and shame tainting his previously good mood.

Patton noticed Virgil’s sudden silence and looked around, apparently catching on to the same thing as Virgil and hooking her arm in his burlap-clad one. “Hey.” Virgil looks up, eyebrows knit in a silent question. “It’s okay. It’s like Dr. Seuss said! Those who mind don’t matter. Right? Let’s have some fun, Virge.” Virgil looks at Patton’s face, pale with Halloween makeup, and nods. “Right. Sorry, Pat.” Patton just smiles and pats Virgil’s arm, walking with him behind Logan and Roman, who were debating the validity of a malevolent spirit attached to a body of water.

The first couple houses they’d visited did in fact have full-sized candy bars. The homeowners had given the four adults slightly strained smiles with the shouts of “trick-or-treat!” but had handed over the candy nonetheless. Virgil suspected it had something to do with there being children around; they didn’t want to ruin the Halloween spirit by yelling at people in costume. He shrugged it off, repeating Patton’s words in his head. Those who mind don’t matter.

The next block or so was full of less-than-pleased adults, muttering comments under their breath that even had Patton frowning a little under her mask that came with the Shock costume. They still got candy, though it was becoming increasingly hard to ignore the stares they were getting, or the comments being thrown in their direction passive-aggressively. Virgil squeezed his eyes shut briefly to ward off the negativity. Those who mind don’t matter.

The next couple houses shut their doors as soon as they saw Virgil and his partners.

Those who mind don’t matter.

Patton didn’t let it get to him, insisting to the others that there’d be more houses further down the road. Besides, they still had the rest of the regular neighborhoods! Those who mind don’t matter.

Roman had been telling the other three about the past week of rehearsals, or tech week, as they called it. Virgil was looking over at him over Patton’s shoulder as they all walked, not bothering with the thin sidewalks and instead travelling down the road like many parent groups did with their children. They’d been passing one such group as Roman monologued, waving his hands around. Virgil hadn’t been paying attention and ended up bumping someone with his shoulder, turning to apologize.

“Ah, shi- sorry about that, I-“

“Are you kidding me?” The woman turned to face him, glaring at him with a force Virgil would have thought completely unnecessary if his brain hadn’t just short-circuited.

“I- what?”

By this point, both groups had stopped, noticing the two had stopped. Logan kept Roman and Patton back, watching silently to see if the situation would evolve. The other parents stood behind the woman, keeping their children corralled as she went off on Virgil, who’d already begun to panic.

“Seriously, how old are you? And you’re out here trick-or-treating like some kid? That’s so immature! Not only that, it’s incredibly rude to the children! You’re taking their candy! Don’t you have a job, you little freeloader? Go get your own! What would your mom think if she could see you right now? You should be ashamed of yourself!”

That was enough for Roman. He pushed Logan out of the way, standing between Virgil and the woman. “That’s enough. You have no right to talk to him like that.” The woman scoffed, looking back to the other parents for a moment before turning back to Roman as Patton walked over and wrapped her arms around Virgil. “You all need to get your brains checked. This is a kid’s holiday, you don’t have the right to interfere with that! Grow up!” Logan joined Roman, his shoulders tense as he regarded the woman with cold indifference.

“I believe it is you who needs to ‘grow up’, madam. My partners and I were simply having a pleasant night. We haven’t bothered anyone who wasn’t okay with this. Several doors have been shut in our face, and we chose to simply walk away rather than demand compensation, as I have seen you do at the house of those lovely Jehovah’s Witnesses. You do realize they don’t celebrate any holiday, don’t you? That was incredibly childish and rude.”

The woman has the sense to look slightly embarrassed at that, and one glance at the other parents shows that they were pretty much in agreement with Logan but hadn’t said anything. Patton joins her boyfriends, still hugging Virgil, whose head is ducked down to hide his face in the hood of his costume (he was glad he’d refused a costume without a hood now). “Yeah! Why do you have to be so mean? He said he was sorry he bumped into you; he’s the sweetest guy I know! I think you need to say you’re sorry.” The woman sputters, looking affronted. “E-excuse me? Apologize? I didn’t-“

“You’re right, you didn’t apologize. That’s not very nice of you, miss. Don’t you want to be a good example for your kiddos?” Patton had that look on her face when she was determined to stand up for something, no matter the cost.

“Mom, seriously, just apologize so we can go? I want more candy.”

Thoroughly embarrassed, the woman stutters her was through an apology. Virgil mutters, “no big” and turns to keep walking, heading toward home. Both groups depart, Logan, Roman and Patton following Virgil with concerned looks. They finally catch up to Virgil at the end of the block, and Roman grabs his shoulder, spinning him around. He still hasn’t looked up from the ground, his hair and the hood obscuring his face. “Hey, come on Storm Cloud, what’s wrong?” Virgil shrugs out of Roman’s hold. “I just wanna go home, okay?” Patton and Roman share a worried look. “Okay… How about we head back to my place and watch Halloween movies?” Virgil shrugs, scuffing his shoe on the asphalt. “Fine, okay. Sure.”

The four head to Roman’s house, Patton holding Virgil’s hand the whole way back and not letting go until they walked through the front door. Logan sat on one end of the couch, and Roman on the other, leaving only the middle cushion for Virgil. He knew what they were up to, sitting between them with a roll of his eyes. Roman wrapped an arm around his shoulder, tucking Virgil’s head into his shoulder and running his fingers through the other’s hair. Logan took one of his hands, running his thumb along Virgil’s palm. Virgil closed his eyes, already feeling himself relax as the title screen for Nightmare Before Christmas played and Patton sat on the floor, leaning back against Virgil’s legs.

They weren’t even ten minutes into the movie when Virgil finally opened his eyes and spoke up. “I’m sorry, guys.” The movie was paused, and all three turned to face Virgil. “For what?” Virgil wasn’t exactly sure who asked; he refused to look up from his lap, and his pulse in his ears was making it hard to hear. Why were heartfelt moments so hard? He chewed on his lip for a moment, trying to force the words out past where they’d gotten stuck in his throat. The others waited patiently, watching Virgil try to draw up the courage to voice his thoughts.

“For ruining Halloween for you guys.”

Roman and Patton open their mouths to object, but Virgil cuts them off; now that he’d managed to say that much, the rest just came flooding out. “I know you were really looking forward to trick-or-treating, especially since we haven’t done it in a few years, and I just made you all come home because I couldn’t get over what one dumb parent said to me. You even said it yourself, Patton; those who mind don’t matter. It shouldn’t matter to me, but it does for some reason and I can’t get it out of my head. I feel like an idiot-.” Virgil’s voice chokes off as he feels tears well in his eyes. Great, first he ruins trick-or-treating, and now he’s going to cry. Perfect, good job, Virgil.

Roman tightens his hold on Virgil, and Logan resumes stroking his palm gently. Patton takes his free hand, drawing his focus. “Virgil. Do you remember what I said when I was trying to convince you and Lo to go trick-or-treating with me and Ro?” Virgil tried to think back. “…Your costume was gonna be hot?” Patton laughs and shakes her head. “Well, yeah, but not what I meant. I said I’d rather sit inside watching movies all night than trick-or-treating, if it was with all of you. Remember?” Virgil nods, cheeks slightly pink. Patton smiles. “I meant it, Virge. If I have you three, I’m fine watching grass grow!” Virgil laughs softly.

“Okay, I get it…. Thanks, Pat. Thanks guys.” The other two nods silently, cuddling closer to Virgil. As verbose as Roman could be, Patton was better at truly expressing how they all felt. Especially at times like this. Patton turns back to the TV, unpausing the movie and singing along to What’s This. Virgil’s smile softens his face as he closes his eyes again, truly allowing himself to relax in the presence of his boyfriends and non-binary datemate. Maybe tonight hadn’t been so bad after all.

[awildhanmonster]

Character Ramblings for Wyrd!

At Wyrd’s behest, I’m trying to write down a little master post of some recent characters she bullied— I mean enabled— me to create.  This is for our casual Loserverse world— i.e. the fast-and-loose All The Myths Are True low fantasy trope where a bunch of well intentioned idiots try to get by in an apartment complex for largely mythical creatures.  I’ve accidentally made up a lot of new side characters in the past month and it’s getting hard to keep track of them, so here we go!

THE HOMESTEADING SHAPESHIFTER TRIO: AKA NELL, LEONORA AND BARNES

I’m listing these three together on their own because they are an active “couple” (… trio? I’m not sure what the right polyamory term is) who all live together in a more rural part of the county on some acreage generationally owned and tended by Nora’s family line.  Their personal plot is pretty manageable (just a few acres) and a small portion of the entire property.  They have a little flock of maybe 2 dozen combined sheep and goats, some chickens, and possibly an alpaca.  The land is woodsy and picturesque with an old country house they share.  

Nell J. Harriet, aka Nell: approximately 32 years old, born intersex, happily nonbinary (pronouns are ‘they’).  The tallest of the bunch at around 6’ even, with a pale wiry frame and knobby, angular corners all over.  Jet black hair with a striking chunk of white smack dab at the front of the widow’s peak like the trail of a dog’s blaze, one solid brown eye, one split tweaky blue/brown mess.  Shifted form is a black and white border collie with (surprise!) heterochromia and a chunky white blaze cutting through the forehead right at the widow’s peak.  

Despite being born to a mother with a long family history of (gene-recessive) shifters cropping up every generation, Nell was still a surprise to everyone involved, given that their father had presumably been human.  Their mother— who I’ll call Meryl for now— comes from a fairly mundane lineage of canine shifter (while being a non-shifter Rr carrier herself) which typically manifests in early childhood and has a certain period of semi-conscious malleability during the formative years in which things like coat color, length, ear set, and other minor (external) features can be changed through great effort and trial/error before eventually “settling” into a constant, unique physical identity with time.  They heal several times faster than average humans, scar less, and tend to show greater physical resilience, taking a few seconds to painlessly and more-or-less fluidly change shape, but lack any kind of “burst healing” mechanic or unusual magical attributes.

Everyone else in the family before Nell had turned out some kind of pleasantly functional “mutt” shape in the end, but Nell erupted onto the scene as a full blown black-and-white border collie looking thing from day 1 of the change as a bouncy toddler.  Meryl could only guess that the father (long since vanished from their lives with no hard feelings, the affair was brief) was a similar, incidentally compatible shapeshifter himself, but that’s about as well as anyone can guess since he’s not around to ask.  

Nell, for their part, is exactly the kind of plucky, sunshiny, high-energy velcro person you would expect from a border collie on two legs.  They struggled in early childhood with some rough ADHD and OCD type tendencies, but managed to get through public schooling with the help of family support/tutoring, and wound up not pursuing college in favor of trying out a more rural living, instead.  They met Leonora while bouncing around odd jobs a couple years after high school and the rest is history.  They’re much happier now with a largely outdoor existence and animals to tend to, burning off the excess energy that plagued them for years without a direction prior to homesteading.  They’re one of those types who thrives with an outlet for physical and mental stimulation but loses their mind for lack of it.  As one would expect from any good BC.  The farming life is an ideal fit.  

Leonora Basso: aka Nora, but only if you’re close to her.  Approximately 34-ish, a shameless bohemian woman from a long line of shifters almost functionally identical to Raiker/Nicky’s species, with the exception of taking on the form of giant (thanks, conservation of mass) white maremma type guardian dogs instead of akbash.  Built square, stocky, and a little short (probably around 5’4’’), with olive/bronze-y skin, brown eyes, and a giant fluffy mess of fluffy, platinum white-blond hair the exact color and texture of maremma fur.  

She’s chill, with admirable patience for things that warrant it and a long fuse for small annoyances, though she’s also the only member of the three to ever knock someone’s teeth out, so take that with a grain of salt.  Like any good guardian dog, she’s placid until you start messing with her flock— literally or metaphorically.  Then she’ll be the one to quietly walk across the bar and slam your head into the table.  She met Nell during a trip to the inner city by complete happenstance when the two hit it off over conversation, during which she invited them to come visit her farm over a public touring weekend, and within weeks wound up dating.  Their relationship was exclusive up until Barnes came along  and none of them are quite sure how it happened, but they’ve never been in a better place.  

Chancellor Barneston Augustine-Kingslay, aka Barnes: and ONLY Barnes, okay.  Repeat his full name N E V E R or he’ll just, seriously, die.  Of embarrassment.  The youngest of the bunch at around 27-28 or so, Barnes was adopted by his (human) parents as a (human, presumably) infant, and had a perfectly normal (human, presumably) childhood until one day when his mother came in and found that her napping four year old was suddenly a napping 40 pound maine coon cat— or at least, what LOOKED a whole lot like one.  Needless to say, the following week was a scramble of buying every “Help!  My Child is a Shapeshifter, What Do I Do!” parenting book off Amazon and learning how to cope with a toddler who could suddenly vault over double stacked safety gates unaided, but they learned how to adapt, and life continued on happily for the little family anyway.  He’s an average sort, and arguably handsome to some: about 5’8’’, not especially pale or tan, hazel eyed, and sporting what looks like perpetually dark-ticked mouse brown hair, cut short.  He performed well enough in public school with a mostly human peer group who went largely unaware of his “talents” and even went on to earn a bachelor’s in business/finances/something akin, which seemed like the thing to do.  He wouldn’t describe himself as unhappy in his accomplishments; by every metric he was doing fine in life, and could easily figure out a career in some white collar job that paid his bills well enough.

He just couldn’t shake a certain feeling of restlessness and dissatisfaction about the idea, and wound up making a habit of weekend demos and classes to see what else was out there in the world: one of which happened to be a sheep shearing weekend out at the Basso Homestead.  On a whim, Barnes attended a demo headed by none other than Leonora while she was using a feisty ram (named Ramses) to walk visitors through the shearing process, Ramses was being fighty, Nell wasn’t around to help wrangle him, and Barnes, thinking he was capable, volunteered (despite Nora warning him repeatedly that rams were pretty feisty) to help hold him down.

… Needless to say he earned a spectacular nut shot via ram horns in the groin and wound up sitting out the rest of the day with an ice pack and a lot of sympathy, but it got him talking to Nora, and then Nell, and the three of them just gelled in a way that kept bringing them back together.  He’s realized in hindsight that he’s much happier in the suburbs than the big city, and enjoys putting his schooling to use by handling the home taxes and business numbers.  

(Fun fact: years later, when it Ramses got too big for his britches and was sent to the abattoir, they were given part of him by the Basso family and cooked a roast to celebrate the asshole sheep that brought them all together.  Ramses was delicious.)

Barnes, incidentally, still has no idea just WHAT kind of shifter he actually is thanks to being a doorstep baby/anonymous adoption acquisition by the foster folks— aside from a giant 100+ pound country cat, that is.  He’s observed that his shift is nearly as swift as Leonora’s, though there are queer persistences that he seems to have (pierced ears not healing instantly or trying to close after a change) that she lacks.  Coupled with the fact that he seems to be a magnet for comically mundane/irritating paranormal activity, he’s put in his research (mostly as a boredom hobby, not a necessary pursuit) but keeps drawing blanks on potential labels for his identity.  The TRUTH of the matter (which he’ll probably never know in canon) is that he’s actually a cait sith— born in the form of a cat, rather than a human, and bewitched by his mother to retain a human form as long as possible in the hopes that it would get him a better chance at finding loving parents.  His shifting has a much heavier magical component to it than his SOs, though he has no real sense for it, and it’ll probably just be a mystery the rest of his life.

Wow, yeah, this got super long!  I’ll make a separate post for the other losers I’ve made up lately, though these three are the most fleshed out so far.  

[nailriddenbat]

Mayfield | Series - Pt. V

Summary: Max Mayfield and Billy Hargrove aren’t the only new kids to step foot into Hawkins. Meet Y/N Mayfield, Max’s big sister, who’s here to make sure no one messes with her sister.

Pairing: Steve Harrington x Mayfield!Reader (SLOW BURN)

Characters: Y/N Mayfield, Neil Hargrove, Max Mayfield, Billy Hargrove, Steve Harrington, George OC, Rebecca OC

Warnings: Language, bit of violence, graphic imagery, blood..

Word Count: 2.8k

Tags: TAGS HAVE BEEN MOVED TO THE END OF THE POST!

A/N: HEAVY STUFF GUYS I’M SORRY IT’S NECESSARY

Parts: Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII | Part IX | Part X (FINALE) 

“Come on,” you pleaded with the car to start as you repeatedly twisted the key in the ignition. The car made a whining noise but the engine wouldn’t start up and you dropped your head to the steering wheel in frustration.

“Car problems, Y/N?” Neil called out to you as he got out of his own car.

“Clearly,” you muttered underneath your breath. You stepped out of the car and walked over to pop the hood, jumping back when you were hit with a cloud of smoke.

“That doesn’t look good!” he said as he walked over to you.

You bit your tongue to hold yourself back from unleashing a ton of sarcastic comments in his direction. Instead you stuck with, “You got that right, Neil!”

He stood next to you and leaned down as if he knew what he was looking at, “Well I can call the auto shop and they’ll send over a tow truck to take it in.”

You pushed your hair back as you sighed, dropping your hands to your side. “Yeah sure,” you gave up in defeat. “I’ll just talk to Mom and see if she can spot me for the repairs and I’ll pay her back once I start working.”

“You’d have a job if you didn’t pass up the grocery store interview,” Neil shot you a look. “You can’t be asking your mother for money your entire life.”

You shot him a nasty look as you slammed the hood down before walking over to the house. Max pulled the door open and smiled up at you, holding her skateboard as always.

“We ready to go? I want to get my hands on Dig Dug,” she grinned.

“No can do, kid,” you sighed. “The challenger took a shit and the engine won’t start.”

Her face fell and your heart cracked a bit. You hated disappointing her and you turned to look at Neil, “Can you drive Max to the arcade?”

He sighed loudly as he shook his head, “I’m busy. I’ll have Billy take her.”

“No,” you shot down his suggestion. 

“Billy is the only one available, Y/N,” Neil explained. “And I need you to stay here so you can talk to the person who will be picking up your car. I’m making the call for you.”

“I didn’t ask you to do that,” you could feel yourself growing more frustrated with this douchebag as he pushed his way past you and into the house.

He walked over to Billy’s door and slammed his hand against it. It took a few minutes but Billy finally answered the door.

“Drive your sister to the arcade,” Neil ordered him before he disappeared to his office down in the basement.

You glared over at Billy as he rubbed at his nose and stared over at you.

“You incapable of driving her?” he asked.

“My car broke down. I have to wait for the tow truck,” you snapped at him. “I’m warning you, Billy. Next time it’ll be more than a cigarette to your skin if you put another hand on her.”

“I’m shaking in my boots,” he smirked before disappearing into his room to grab his jacket, sunglasses and keys. “Let’s go, Max!” he shouted over at her before storming by and stomping out to the car.

“I’ll be okay, Y/N,” Max touched your arm lightly. “I can take him.”

You snorted a little and leant down to kiss her head gently. “I’ll tag along to pick you up. Go kick some ass at the arcade.”

She walked away and you watched as the two of them jumped into the Camaro. You took a deep breath as Billy sped off and you moved to sit on the steps, figuring you might as well wait outside.

They showed up about an hour later and you jumped up to talk to them, making sure they handled your car carefully. They explained that they would get in touch with you and keep you updated, and you watched with a sad look as they drove away, your car being taken with them.

You turned your head as you heard a horn and your heart skipped a beat when you saw Steve’s car pull up beside you.

You crossed your arms over your chest. You had avoided him at all costs since your freak out from the other day, feeling embarrassed.

Steve stood up and closed his door gently, pointing over at your car as it disappeared around the corner. “What happened?”

“Car won’t start up,” you shrugged your shoulders a bit.

“Damn,” he cursed a little. “Well the auto shop is pretty decent so it should be up and running soon.”

You nodded your head and looked around, feeling beyond awkward.

“I uh... sorry for just stopping by randomly. I was doing some running around and I wanted to check in, see if you were okay.”

“You do that a lot,” you pointed out to him. “Check in on me.”

“You make it sound creepy.”

“It is a little creepy,” you tried to laugh it off and waved your hand at him. You looked at his car and saw a bouquet of flowers sitting in the passenger seat. “Nice flowers.”

He turned and sighed, “Yeah. They’re for Nancy.”

You heard the rumors that had spread around school. Nancy had been MIA since the fight with Steve and a few people mentioned that she had disappeared with some kid named Byers. Despite this, here was Steve with flowers to give to her. Your stomach twisted with an unfamiliar sensation and you had to work to keep your face blank. What the hell was that?

“I figured I’d take the first step in apologizing to her, but I’m not exactly sure what the hell I’m apologizing for,” he started mumbling.

“Don’t you think you should figure that out first?” you asked him.

“Probably,” he nodded his head. “But I’m trying to not be a shitty boyfriend and do the right thing.”

You laughed shortly and he looked at you in confusion. “I’m sorry,” you apologized for your outburst. “But somehow I don’t see you fitting the description of a shitty boyfriend.”

“Why’s that?” he asked as leaned against his car, crossing his arms over his chest.

“I don’t know,” you shrugged and kicked at the grass a bit. “You’re apologizing and giving her flowers when you don’t even know what you’re apologizing. Most guys would just not even bother doing either of those things and they’d push to forget whatever fight went down.”

“Well that’s not me anymore,” he chuckled. “I’m trying to break away from that. No more crazy parties, no more asshole tendencies and whatnot.”

“Why the change in character?”

“Shit happens, Mayfield, and it changes you for good,” he looked up at you as he answered honestly.

That answer hit close to your heart and you felt your throat start to tighten up. All you could do was nod your head in agreement, keeping your eyes on the ground.

“Mayfield?” he said your last name gently but you refused to look up at him.

“You can act like nothing happened but speaking from experience, it just backfires on you,” he continued to speak. “You have to acknowledge the change and talk about it.”

“Talk about it with who?” you looked up at him and your eyes connected with his instantly. “I have no one here.”

“That’s not true,” he shook his head slowly. “I’m here.”

“Why?” your voice was growing smaller.

“Because you need a friend and I can be that friend,” he gave you a soft smile as he held your gaze.

Why were you doing this? Why were you moving to lean against his car and why were you mentally preparing yourself to tell a strange about what had happened to screw you up so bad?

“You should talk about it, Y/N,” Max’s words floated back into your mind.

“I wasn’t going to move to Hawkins,” you started off the story, avoiding his eyes and picking at the fabric of your shirt. “Mom broke the news to us the night after her and Neil had gotten married at City Hall, and I outright refused. I had a life there in Cali. I had friends, a job, I had my school. I had George,” your voice cracked as you said his name for the first time since you left California.

“Boyfriend?” Steve asked in a gentle tone.

You nodded your head and laughed a little, “Yeah. Boyfriend. His parents took me in and I ended up sharing a room with his sister for a while. I was fine with it, though. I mean it was my only way of ensuring I could stay in California. So while mom and Max packed up to move out to Hawkins, I packed up and moved in with George and his family.” You stopped talking for a minute, thinking back on how excited the two of them had been. “It was fun. We went everywhere together and we did everything together. On the weekends, he’d run into the bedroom to wake me up and he’d be screaming the lyrics to whatever Aerosmith song he could think of, because that was his favorite band. He’d almost always choose ‘Dream On’ and he was just so annoying about it.”

Steve looked over at you, his heart breaking piece by piece as he listened to you speak. He could tell this was taking a lot of you and he stepped closer, his arm brushing against yours. You took notice but stayed still.

“Our group of friends...they were always partying,” you mentioned. “Every weekend it would be someone else’s house as if it were some sort of rotation. And of course we’d go. We would dance and drink all night long, then end up crashing there. But George decided that one night, he was gonna snatch his keys up and go for a drive.”

You watched him as he jumped up from the couch, knocking his head back as he finished off whatever was in his red cup. You decided to stay sober that night, as you had a babysitting job set up early the next morning. George bumped into the wall as he scrambled to find his keys on the key rack. You jumped up a little, almost falling into your friend Rebecca, but you kept moving to get to George.

“Whatcha doing?” you asked him.

“My keys,” he slurred. “Need my keys.”

“No, baby, you don’t need your keys,” you laughed and tried to pull his hands away. You heard another song start up, ‘Gimme Shelter’ by the Rolling Stones and you gasped, tugging on his shirt. “Come on, Georgie, dance with me!”

He pushed your hands down and kept looking for his keys, shouting out in victory as he snatched them up. The others shouted with him even though they had no idea what it was for.

“I’m gon’ go drive,” he pointed over to the door and started to walk, your eyes going wide. You jumped forward and tried to stand in front of him to push him back.

“No, no, no,” you shook your head quickly and pointed to the stereo. “Come on let’s dance first! It’s just a shot away, it’s just a shot away,” you sang along to the lyrics to try and distract him.

“Y/N, babe, no more shots,” he laughed and pushed you out of the way easily. 

“Then let me drive and we’ll go wherever you want,” you followed him quickly. You looked over at your friend, sending her a distressed look. You two were the most sober ones there and she ran over to you.

“I’m not letting you drive my car!” George started to yell as he made his way down the winding path and straight for his car. “That’s mah baby! You’re mah other baby, baby. Don’t worry,” he hiccuped, “but you still can’t drive her.”

Your heart was racing as you started to run after him. While he was singing the  lyrics to ‘Gimme Shelter’ loudly, “The floods is threatening my very life todayyyyyy!” You tried to grab the keys but he would pull his hand away each time, laughing as he would tell you to stop.

“Give me the keys,” you said firmly. You had enough and were starting to panic.

“I’m fine, babe,” he smiled down over at you and blew you a kiss.

You tried to grab the keys again, your voice increasing in volume, “You’re not okay. I can drive you home.”

“I can drive!” George yelled as he reached the car.

“Please do not get in that car,” you started to beg him and tried to dart around him to block his path.

“Don’t do this,” you pleaded with him as your eyes started to water.

He winked at you and mouthed, “I’ll be fine!” He unlocked the car and pulled the door open.

“Do not get in that fucking car!” you screamed at him loudly and ran to grab the door to pry it open, but you were too late. Rebecca grabbed you by your shirt and yanked you back roughly just as George took off.

“Come on,” Rebecca said to you. “I’ve got my keys, we can try and cut him off.”

The two of you ran over to her car and jumped into it. She slammed her foot on the gas and drove after George, the two of you praying that you could reach him in time. You held your breath as you looked at his car in the distance, your body jerking a little each time his car would swerve.

Rebecca turned a corner sharply, saying that she could cut him off by taking a shortcut she knew of. You lost sight of the car and you leaned forward to try and catch your breath, but nothing was helping you.

Rebecca pulled out onto the main street, which of course seemed unusually busy for such a late hour, and she pointed suddenly, “There he is!”

Your head snapped and you saw George’s car speed by through the intersection. Rebecca rushed to follow him and quickly turned the corner, cutting quite a few people off. Horns were blaring as people leaned out of their windows to scream at her.

Your scream joined them seconds later. George turned the stirring wheel sharply and as if it were in slow motion, the car swerved out of control and jumped the curb. You watched from behind as his car headed right for a tree, only stopping when the front of the car smashed in. You could hear the sound of the metal crunching and people were screaming at what they had just witnessed. 

Without even waiting for Rebecca to stop the car, you jumped out. You could see gray smoke rise from the front of the car as you ran fast, your chest burning as you had difficulty catching your breath. You screamed his name over and over as you got closer, but when you reached the car he wasn’t in the seat. The windshield was smashed and you sobbed as you saw George’s body laying across the mangled hood. His face was covered in blood and as you leaned over him, trying to get him to talk to you, that blood covered your hands.

“Somebody call 911!” you started to scream hysterically at the group that had gathered around you.

Your eyes burned as you wiped at your hands a little. You felt as if you were going to be sick after explaining that whole night to Steve. Not even your mother had received the whole story.

“We had a funeral,” you breathed in suddenly and shut your eyes tight. “But once he was buried, his parents kicked me out. They said I was to blame for what had happened and I couldn’t argue with that.” 

“Hey,” Steve said sharply. That was the first word he had said since you started talking and you looked up at him. 

“What happened was not your fault,” he was firm in his words and he reached forward to touch your shoulders. “You did everything that you could that night so if you’ve been walking around this entire time with that guilt, stop it.”

You tried to shake your head and push his hands away.

“Y/N, stop it,” he held onto you tighter. “You did not kill George.”

Maybe it was the fact that Steve had said your first name for the very first time or maybe it was what he said following your name, but it shattered the wall that had been crumbling around you and you found yourself leaning into him. You did not make a sound, but the tears streamed down your face as you wrapped your arms around his waist tightly and he held onto you. 

You needed to do this. You needed to talk and you needed to feel. You weren’t sure why you opened up to Steve, but something about him had pulled you in and for the first time in a very long time, you felt like you could be okay. Maybe you could put yourself back together. Maybe you weren’t so damaged after all. 

Tags (PLEASE message me if you want to be added to the permanent tag list for any fic/tag list for this particular series, especially if you already asked and I forgot!): @thegirlwhoisintoomanyfandoms @la-fille-en-aiguilles @jj-writes-shit @thebitterbookeater @with-a-hint-of-pesto-aioli @richletozler  @royalwolfhard @just-smile-darling @w-ingardiumleviosa @buckysmaingirl @magic-and-timetravel  @jupiter-leo @ttrraasshh @somekryptonitewriting @dudee-what  @tmalchow @hedabucky @wallacetdog @harringtonhuddle @sarcasticalphaofthelooserspack @kingkenzieo @twelvedacrewoods @onlyalittleteenwolfobsessed @stevieboyharrington @madhatterweasley @captainelsaeverdeen @cupcaitlyn96 @anton-shudders @trashyemonerd @netflix-and-cuddles @earthvsjai @goimaginethiss @inhumanz @athenalesage @pan-space-cowboy @caitsymichelle13 @juliroseennis @stressedoutkylo @slythxr @way-obsessed5 @gingerfangirlthefeels @marslovesme @sweetheartmendes @spacecowgrrrl @letstacoaboutnutellaa @doomed-vodka @negroneon @lola-winston-harrington @annasbulletjournal @idk-5sos-bye @me-a-hopeless-romantic @sofver @altreble @brightestgrangers @pity-mee @xbrandix17 @marvelgirl2118 @everything-intertwined @mychemicaltessa @bitchin-momjeans @sparkles-of-youthfulness @artisticlales @runningwitches @andyhurleyquinn @kenzie-is-still-here @xguardiangel @bloggerwithaheadache @pugsandkisses14 @rowenonhome1 @andyhurleyquinn @bitchinmouthbreather @spacemarkimoo @nikkie-cherish @daniimiss @flopmalum @lexannani

[sarahsavagephotography]

The Road Runner Challenge looms ever closer and there’s been a lot going on during the run up to it. Thank you so much to those who have made a donation to the worthy cause that is #BikeToursfortheWounded. What they do is the reason we’re doing this. The blog will be updated during the challenge, so keep checking back and please do share the page with your family and friends.

I’m counting down in weekends. As we’re at work ‪Monday to Friday‬, the only real time of freedom to get time in the saddle or proper maintenance done are the weekends. We have one weekend left before D Day - Departure Day. Yikes!

As the event draws ever closer, the trepidation/excitement and misgivings/confidence scales keeps see-sawing and so do my thoughts.  What am I doing? I’ll be fine. How did I get talked into this? It’ll be fun. I should have done this stuff in my younger days. You’re never too old for fun stuff. Hope we get good weather. Its the U.K. and it’s called a challenge for a reason. Is my bike suitable for this? My bike’s more ready than I am.  Perhaps my first long distance bike tour should have been a leisurely one?  Get over yourself, you'll be fine!  Ian of course is taking it all in his stride, or the turn of his wheels.  He still doesn’t even know what bike he’s using. I’m glad I don’t have that decision to make to add to the garbled nonsense and self doubt mixed with optimism going around in my head already!

I know really that once we set off all will be well - unless it’s peeing it down that is and I’ll probably question my sanity again and resist the temptation to turn back!  (Must remember to pack my waterproofs).  In terms of bike touring, Ian has already been there, done that, got the t-shirt, so to speak.  I, on the other hand have only ever done it as a pillion and now that I'm riding in anger myself, I can fully appreciate what it took for Ian to do that, especially with a lump sat on the back moving around trying to take photos of e v e r y s i n g l e stunning view!

Apart from making sure my bike's in fine fettle and comfortable for long days in the saddle, what I didn't expect was how tiring it can be.  I'm shattered after a long day out riding the trails on my dirt bike, but that’s expected when you’re dealing with mixed terrain, balancing and trying to stay upright, picking your bike up after dropping it (several times), adrenalin and not forgetting fear!  I didn't expect to be feeling shattered after long days out on my road bike.  After all you’re just sat on your bike riding aren’t you? In my naivety, I didn't factor in the levels of concentration that you need over a sustained period of time.  Spotting every junction just to make sure some idiot isn't there waiting to pull out in front of you, spotting pot holes, trying not to get wound up at the git behind you virtually stuck to your rear mudguard, wondering if that git behind you is going to overtake or if you should slow down and let them pass, judging if that patch on the road looks like an oil or diesel slick, dodging roadkill, will that sheep run out into the road, where is that pheasant going...? There's all manner of things to look out for and to be aware of.  You can't really switch off when you're on a bike, like people have a tendency to do in a car.  Your senses are heightened, and with that comes the tiredness at the end of it when you've stopped for the day.  Some days I’ve literally felt like I have brain ache!  No comments from Ian, please....!

Really, I've only ever gone out biking for fun, even my summer bike commutes to work are fun. However, with all the tour preparations and the realisation of what we'll actually be achieving in a week, it's dawning on me that it won't just be a leisurely ride in the park, not that I ever expected it to be anyway, but we'll have daily targets to meet and there'll be no hiding from the elements either.  Come rain or shine, we've got to cover those A and B road miles.  Oh, and then we've got to get ourselves back home again at the end of it!  Leaving Exeter to head back home to South Wales will be like a super mini tour for us.  We'll be old hats at it by then.  Here's hoping anyway.  I think I may have a few days off the bike when we return home.  Meh, we'll see what the weather's doing...!

https://roadrunner2019.everydayhero.com/uk/ian-sarah-s-road-runner-challenge

[dreamin-of-somewhere-else]

First Day of School

Characters: Dean Winchester x little sister!reader

Words: 1500

Tags: @evyiione, @fabulouslycassie, @daughters-and-winsisters, @darkestgrungeuniverse, @samanddeanshotsis, @winchesters-favorite-girl

A/N: Decided I wanted to post something more innocent/less angsty after that last fic :)

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You and Dean stood outside of the classroom, your hand in Dean’s much larger one. Other kids and their parents poured into the room which walls were dressed in drawings and colorful posters of the alphabet. It was the start of the school year, and unsurprisingly it was also the first day of a new school for the both of you.

”You ready?” Dean asked as he looked down at you, and his green eyes was met by your round ones.

He could clearly see the anxiousness in them, so he crouched down, but not before looking around himself. This wasn't necessarily part of the image he was trying to create for himself, but if there was anyone he would publicly break character for it was one of his younger siblings.

Once down at your eye level, he cupped your shoulders in his hands and met your gaze, looking deep into those pretty orbs of yours.

”It’s going to go just fine, (Y/N). Before you know it you’ll have loads of friends. It’ll be fun!” Dean spoke with a gentle voice as he smiled at you.

”You promise, De?” Your fragile voice spoke up.

”I do, kiddo.” Your older brother responded.

He lifted one of his hands to tuck a loose strand of your hair behind your ear. He had helped you brush it this morning, so it was knot-free and its true sheen were on display. It was just hanging loose though, since neither he or Sam could do any particular hairstyles for you.

Dean would have loved to provide a fresh set of clothes for you. Sam loved normality and he had to agree at times, so you probably thought the same. Also, Dean thought that new clothes might help to make you feel less offbeat with the rest. This was also the first day of school for you ever, so he wanted you to feel like your outfit looked nice. But the cash he had gotten from Dad wasn’t enough for several articles, just one for you and one for Sammy. When he then brought you to the nearest clothing store, Sam had picked out a new t-shirt and you had found yourself a pink skirt that you absolutely wanted.

So now you were standing here, dressed in his old tee with a Batman logo on it that also had made a stop at Sam’s along the way, with your new pink skirt and a pair of Sam’s old sneakers. Your backpack was also something that had been passed down to you, in your family you always made the most of any piece of clothing - or anything really - so inheriting was a thing.

You yawned and rubbed your eyes with your hands balled into fists. ”I’m tired.”

Dean let out a chuckle. ”Yeah, I know you’re not a morning person, but you’ve gotta try to brighten up for this one okay?”

You nodded. ”Okay.”

Dean ruffled your hair, before standing up to his full height. You turned your head towards the classroom and stared through the open doorway, sceptic. Dean reached down a hand and gave you a light, encouraging, push in the right direction. You waddled towards the open door, and got a few meters before you quickly turned around and ran back to your big brother, wrapping your arms around one of his legs.

Although you were a happy kid with many thoughts and ideas that you liked to share, you had a tendency to be quite shy.

”(Y/N),” Dean sighed, but when he looked down at you he melted. ”Do you want me to go with you inside?”

”Yes,” you nodded.

So, Dean did as you requested. He took your hand and walked with you inside the classroom full of the other kids and parents.

You were quite the pair. A little girl dressed in a worn Batman t-shirt, dirty sneakers and then a puffy, girly skirt. She was holding hands with a teenage boy dressed in a band tee, ripped jeans, heavy boots and a worn leather jacket, complimented by messy hair. You weren’t like the others in the room, the typical suburban, white-picket-fence families. And therefore you were getting judgmental looks, partly since they wondered why this teen was dropping you off and not one of your parents, and partly because of how different you looked. You weren’t like everyone else. 

You didn’t notice, you were busy being nervous anyway, and Dean ignored them. No need to waste energy on them. Well, except for one woman who stared excessively, her Dean glared back at.

Soon you were seated in the back row of the classroom, right where you wanted. Dean was standing next to you, ready to leave, but you wouldn't let go of his hand. Every time he tried to squirm his hand out of yours, you gripped on tighter. Meanwhile, he watched how the parents waved off their children, it was an indication that it was time for him to leave too.

”(Y/N), I gotta go.” He murmured as he bent down to you again.

You turned your nervous eyes to him. ”No, Deano, don’t leave me.”

You looked so sad, Dean didn’t know what to do. He was obviously supposed to leave, but he couldn’t leave when you looked like that.

Soon, it was only him left. A woman began to walk towards him. She was young and dressed in a long, floral skirt with a blouse. Her hair was done neatly and a smile played on her lips. Apparently this was the teacher, Dean had just not noticed her in the crowd. Dean was a people person, he was a pretty good judge of character. And even though this lady wasn’t a person that he typically would spend time with, she wasn’t his type, he could tell that she was a nice person, it felt okay.

”Hi,” she greeted Dean and you. She crouched down to you, where you sat by the little desk. ”What’s your name?”

You looked at the teacher with round eyes. ”(Y/N).”

”Nice to meet you, (Y/N).” Then she looked up at Dean.

”Dean, her brother.” Dean filled her in before she had the time to ask.

”Cathy Hastings.” She politely introduced herself with a smile.

”Would it be okay if Dean left?” Ms. Hastings then asked, turning her attention to you again. ”I promise there’s nothing to be scared of here.” She kept her voice low and gentle. It blended in quite nicely with the quiet chatter of the rest of the kids.

You shook your head, still clutching onto Dean’s hand.

”Okay,” Ms. Hastings replied. ”Dean, if you are able to, you’re welcome to stay for a little while.”

”Sure, thanks.” Dean gratefully nodded.

Ms. Hastings directed him to a spare chair, which Dean pulled out and sat down next to your desk. The chair was simply not built for someone in Dean’s height, so his knees went up pretty far, a sight that made you laugh. Ms. Hastings smiled, and then she returned to the front of the classroom to begin the lesson, your first ever.

You evidently calmed down once you had your big brother by your side, one of the two people you trusted most in the world. In your eyes he was the personification of comfort and reassurance. Simultaneously, however, Dean noted that he kind of needed to go, if he would have a chance at making it to his first period over at the high school.

”(Y/N)?” He whispered, and you ripped your gaze away from Ms. Hastings and found Dean’s. ”Deano needs to go, is that okay?”

You were quiet for a second before you responded. ”Yes.” You smiled.

”Great,” he was relieved to know that your nervousness had faded away. ”It’s going to go great, champ.”

”Okay, De.” You giggled lightly with a sparkle in your eyes.

”I’ll pick you up at the end of the day, okay?”

You nodded.

”Good, go get ’em, tiger, and I’ll see you later.” Dean grinned, as he stood up from the chair.

”Love you, Dean.” You uttered out of nowhere, and Dean could feel how your words pulled at his heart strings and a warm sensation spread in his chest. You were too precious.

”Love you too, (Y/N).” He smiled.

Then Dean walked through the row of desks with other young kids seated by them. As he passed by Ms. Hastings he found himself letting out a smile, which was immediately returned - yet again not part of the image of the oldest Winchester sibling.

Before he left the room, he glanced back at you. You didn’t notice this, you had already turned your attention back to the blackboard, curiosity written over your sweet features. You were clearly enjoying your first 15 minutes of school, ever. His baby sister was growing up and Dean didn’t know how to feel about it. But, at least he was happy to see that you liked this.

Then he left the doorway and made his way out of this school. He was most certainly going to be late, but that was something - in contrast to everything else this morning - that was in favor to the bad boy concept he was trying to create for himself. He didn’t mind.

[citrusandbergamot]

hmm, so. I am an adult. and I am aware enough to know exactly how the fic I tend to read reinforces all kinds of mental processes. there is a thin line between self-care and enabling. 

I read a lot of romance, soulmate, love you forever kind of stuff. I read a lot of unrequited love, I read a lot (as in a fuckton) of angst. Whump, character death, pining, guilt, dub-con, rocks fall everyone dies, you name it. I like angst, always have. I want characters to hurt because I want to feel their hurt. And sometimes that’s fine and fun and okay, and sometimes I use it to escape my life. I am really good at escaping. 

Fanfic is not like...to blame for my escapist tendencies. It’s perfectly suited for it, sure. But, like, I am an adult, I know (more of less) what my limits are, and these things tend to go in cycles. Fanfic is very, very cut-and-dry lately; you get exactly what’s on the tin, so you can really, really find the stuff you think you want. There is some absence of variety in style and tone, perhaps, but a plethora to choose from, so that’s okay. 

but like. I know the things I have read have shaped my expectations of various things. I also know that it’s fake. I know that my expectations have been shaped by a variety of things: the media, by the way I was treated as a child, my parents, my own self-image, my fucking terrible, terrible health, my sunny fucking personality. I am not free from the influence any of these things, and they work on conscious and subconscious levels that I could spend a lifetime trying to understand. But I am not a child, I have been stuck with myself for 30 years, I know (mostly) what’s real and what isn’t. There might be something truthful reflected in fantasy but at its core, on a extremely basic level, stories are stories. They are not recitation of fact. It’s a story, a fantasy. Even if it’s about real things, it changes in the telling. It changes in how it’s heard, and there is nothing the teller can do about that. All this talk about how stories and fantasies ‘change the brain/affect reality’ is just like...it’s making it harder to put that distance between reality and the fantasy. It’s making it harder for people to know there’s supposed to be one. 

Take ‘based on real events’ stories. Does it fucking behoove anyone to forget that it’s still a story? That it needs some kind of arc, or point, or narrative, a beginning and an end (maybe some stuff in the middle?) Stuff that happens in real life is not so neat, not so linear, not so definitive. Real life doesn’t end when you close the book. The big revelation doesn’t stop the hurt the next day, understanding doesn’t beget immediate forgiveness. Things fall apart in ways that can’t even be explained, let alone written down. That’s why we keep trying - art and music and poetry and prose and theatre. Hundreds and thousands of emotions and connections, all stemming from the same kind of animal, with the same kind of consciousness, living a life until death. We’re fascinated by it, we’ll never run out of stories. But stories and real life are not the same. This should be shouted from the hilltops and proclaimed in every school, at every level. Stories and real like are not the same. Expecting real life to match a story is going to lead to some jarring realizations. It is not the fault of the story. It’s the emphasis placed on it. It’s the lack of diverse information. The lack of critical thinking skills. It is not the story’s fault, nor the fault of the person who wrote it. 

Fanfic is not my only source of knowledge about like, romance and unrequited love and heartbreak. I have my own experiences, and the experiences I’ve helped others’ through. It’s hard though, to feel something purely, cleanly, discretely, when it’s happening in real life. Like, my father died 6 years ago. There isn’t a single narrative out there that could capture the complexity of my relationship with him. There’s no way to describe it. There’s no way to explain it to someone outside of my immediate family - not in the way that counts. Not in the way that wouldn’t demonize or sanctify him. Neither of those would be correct. There is only what I know, what I feel. What I can let go of, what I can forgive, what I can’t. The things I miss. The things I don’t.  I could write a dozen, a hundred stories, and all they ever would be is a reflection of one aspect, one facet. And maybe somebody reading it feels a kinship with that aspect, feels it resonate. maybe they don’t. Maybe they’re searching for something else. 

If the brain changes with thoughts, then surely thinking about stuff in a critical fashion, after the emotion is done, will also change them. And surely to fuck we are not supposing that action and thought are equivalent. You can think about practicing the piano all you want. You still have to touch the fucking keys to be able to play. Our brains are terrifyingly capable. But action and thought are still not the fucking same. 

We are real, and complex, and living complex and real and messy lives. It’s a fucking terrible world and we all have the capacity to be terrible people, every single one of us.  There’s....I really don’t see the point of trying to sanitize that aspect away. Be vocal about it, sure, warn people who are younger that this is fantasy. But like. It’s not real. It’s not real. It’s not real. Reading it doesn’t not make it real. Watching James Bond kill people in cold blood does not make me a murdering.  Playing violent video games does not make me more violent. Playing only violent video games and dropping out of society entirely and only have social contact through those very games is something else entirely. See where I’m going with this?

There is a lot of ways that fanfic can instill terrible coping mechanism and thought patterns in the young that have nothing at all to do with dark!fic, or rape fic, or whatever. Fanfic cannot be like, the only outlet and/or role model.  Real life does not work like fanfic. Doesn’t mean we can’t still enjoy it. Doesn’t mean we can’t still work out dark, twisted feelings, get them out. Keeping them in is really, really not awesome. Constantly bringing them back up and re-exposing yourself to them is also not good. There’s a ...balance, or there should be. 

But like, dude. that’s self-care v. enabling. Nobody else can make that judgment call, you gotta find that line for yourself. I don’t see why fandom at large has to be involved in that. I sure as fuck don’t want anybody passing that judgment on to me. I am responsible for myself. I am a goddamn adult. 

(oooo no, think of the children. Please. Let children ask questions about stuff, let children know that what they are reading is meant for mature audiences, let parents know about parental-block. It’s really, really not my responsibility to do anything more than that.) 

Anyway, this mini-rant is because I fucking love ao3 and I am so, so thankful to astolat and the others for creating it and for making the policies that are in place. They took the stance that policing fandom was none of their fucking business. It’s a goddamn archive and it’ll be there forever, no matter how much people shriek and gnash their teeth, thank fuck.

[ellescharacters]

ALMA /   60s  / open occupation open fc difficulty to fit in a wanted ad: mid

former war correspondent

got shot at in her mid 30s. got pulled out from the field and became a regular reporter - was pissed af about it

would make you look like a fool on tv in front of millions of people. also sit outside your office every day for as long as it takes for you to talk to her/answer her questions

in her early 30s she met a war doctor while abroad and the two had a kid they gave up for adoption 

met her husband in her mid/late 30s. got married. had kids.

idk what happened to the husband yet but.....

she was EXCITED AF to be living alone and have all of her children out of the house. she was ready to enter her silver years ya know? she spent her whole life dedicating herself either to her job or her kids and she never had a chance to kind of stop and say “who is alma?”. so she was ready to re-discover herself. maybe start taking painting lessons. travel... go on a cruise! why not! and then for w/e reason her grandkids (early 20s) had to move in with her and fuck!!!!!!!!! she loves them so much but fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

honestly will only bring her to the site if ppl will play her grandkids 

open /  late 50s or early 60s  / scientist  jeff goldblum  difficulty to fit in a wanted ad:  mid

parents had a lot of money. parents lost all of their money.  

he’s chill and hardworking af and actually doesn’t mind taking a step back and hearing other people’s ideas etc etc.... but people can be so incompetent oh my gdo!!!!!!!! it drives him up the wall

he’s probably a computer scientist / programmer 

twice or trice divorced

kind.......... of a neglectful dad tbh 

honestly will likely only bring him if i can have a couple pre-establish connections like his kids, friends, enemies, etc

VENETIA / 30s

PERSONALITY TRAITS: Venetia hates the idea of being average/ordinary, and has always she come off as this interesting girl who has a bunch of life experience (and she does, in a way) but in the end, she really is just /a girl/. her whole life is pretty much her showing the world how she wants to be perceived even though she’s a total lie herself. she tells at least 5 lies every day to make herself seem more interesting. 

POSSIBLE OCCUPATION: designer, waitress, bartender, gossip reporter, actress, burlesque dancer, flight attendant, model

Wendy / late 20s or 30s

PERSONALITY TRAITS: wendy was raised by hippie parents which... my god, she doesn't hate them but she also can't stand to be around them. wendy is: hardworking, sociable, guarded, liar, lonely, romantic, deep down a good person she’s just so stuck and wants more out of her life

POSSIBLE OCCUPATION: secretary, hotel maid, gossip journalist 

Genevieve (martha’s sister?)/ late 20s or early 30s / 

PERSONALITY TRAITS: a+ friend, romantic, outgoing, optimist, determined, dedicated, a little obsessive especially when it comes to romantic relationships. seriously wants a relationship she’s 100% in love with the idea of love and being with someone forever and she’s not ashamed of this at all. 

POSSIBLE OCCUPATION: editorialist, pediatric surgeon, art restorer, curator, pharmacist, radio personality, engineer, baker, restaurant owner

JOSIE /  early/mid 20s  / probs waitress or cashier probably  freya mavor idk difficulty to fit in a wanted ad:   low-mid

sociable, romantic, adventurous, impulsive, privileged, naive, kind, fun, brave, self-centred.

rich kid who threw a fit and walked out and has been living as a “”poor”” person for at least 7 months now. she started dating a boy she met at work and moved in with him and they are v happy in their shitty little apartment............ and he doesn’t know she’s rich but when he finds out he’s going to feel extremely played and like the whole thing is just a game to her. it’ll be angsty. they’ll break up but ~love will win~...... but it’ll be hard.

she’s not a bad person she’s just very privileged and so... clueless and naive about how the world actually works? also young, which... just adds more fuel to the fire lmao

*MALENA / 28-36 / bartender probably kate mara or krysten ritter  difficulty to fit in a wanted ad:  mid 

walking shit-show and i love her for it... a lot dont tho and i don’t blame them

has gone grocery shopping wearing her pjs under some oversized coat at some point. drunk girl in the bathroom who compliments you and tries to (poorly) braid your hair. queen of unprompted defensiveness. vice-president of the casual self-deprecating jokes club. uncertified sucker for the underdog. board games & bar games afectionado. spends way too much time on the "diy" section of youtube. wine AND vodka aunt. creative curser. not an excellent cook but makes the best burgers you'll taste in your life - also pancakes, in under 8 minutes. walking library of quick/lazy meals. low-key vague personification of "I can't wait for my friends to start getting married bc the idea of getting trashed on champagne, hitting on everyone and making speeches while two people I love commit to a life of monogamy is a strong one". has -0 idea of what she's doing and no idea how she feels about it.  

has like 4 half-siblings and 2 step-siblings and doesn’t get along with any of them bc that’s malena 4 you.

(one of her step-siblings is actually her half-sister NOT her step-sister bc malena’s dad and her step/half-sister’s mom were banging each other while they were still married. she doesn’t know this yet but regardless it’s fine everything is FINE)

( listen... malena’s relationship with her step/half-sister is actually deeply tragic to me and i adore both of them dearly - the  step/half-sister has known the truth for a couple years now but kept it to herself because she’s that kind of person - she’s good to the core and she’s been carrying this secret all by herself. she’s been trying very hard to have a relationship with malena ... sadly malena isn’t being very helpful. )

malena worked as an assistant to a wedding planner for two years. didn’t hate it. nobody believes it and she doesn’t particularly care.

genuinely good, kind, and nonjudgmental people are people malena low-key admires and looks up to. if one of them becomes her friend, she’ll literally fight for them if it comes down to it. honestly malena’s self-preservation is very very high so when she does let someone in she’s 1000% ride or die for them. 

people have the tendency to just.... open up to her / talk to her and she doesn’t know why!!!!!!!!!!!! she doesn’t even ask them anything she’s not even nice !!!!!!!!!!!! stop this nonsense!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! bc then she starts low-key getting invested

she always feels the need to defend/prove herself. basically, she never learned how to express herself in a healthy/normal way. she misjudges people's intentions and words more often than she should, but she's always so worried about protecting herself that she can't help it. also she has pretty impulsive knee-jerk reactions when it comes to any kind of abuse/bullying.

malena isn't a commitment-phobe; she's a repressed hopeless romantic in denial and she's been that way all her life but she only started truly realising it a couple of years back. she low-key wants to be showered in love and be able to love someone like that in return, but she's cultivated an image of herself that's incompatible with this. she has always worn her individualism as a kind of weapon and she’s conditioned to associate backtracking with weakness, so, yeah, she's been struggling with living for herself as opposed to the image people have of her.

i'm sure she's still on good terms/friends with some of the people she's gotten involved with in the past because she really isn't a petty person in this regard. (pseudo-)exs on good terms, (pseudo-)exs on bad terms, messy relationships, flings, something else entirely... i'm open to all things. 

literally every relationship or pseudo relationship she’s been in has been a shit show. often comical. still a shit show.  (like that time she dated a guy who was in a long distance relationship and he literally forgot he had a gf. or that time she got involved with some sort of bruce wayne wannabe. or that time she dated a violinist - violinists have.. issues stay tf away from them. or that time she dated an indie movie director who was an absolute mess of a person. fun fucking times!!!!!!)

started sleeping with her boss and may or may not have feelings for him.......... and he just found out he has a kid from an ex ....... a 13 year old kid..........please kill her

*EVELYN /  late 30S or 40S  / actress probably amy adams or rose byrne if she’s not taken difficulty to fit in a wanted ad: mid-high

was adopted around age 10 by some rich couple who really only adopted so they could get extra brownie points within their circle of friends…… but they didn’t want to adopt a baby because that’s just too much work ya know? this doesn’t mean that evelyn wasn’t loved because she was - she is - and honestly her parents never demanded any more or less of her than they did of their other biological children. her brother(s) often joke that she’s actually the favourite child because she never had a rebellious phase and she’s always been extremely appreciative of her parents.

(she has a sister who is 5 years younger - they were put up in dif foster homes and... it’s complicated. evelyn could have fought for being closer to her sister but didn’t, primarily because she was told her sister had a better chance of getting adopted - especially if she was lone. they haven’t seen each other in over two decades if my math is correct)

took like, a bunch of extracurricular yet somehow never fucking learnt how to swim

very polite and politically correct, one of those people with perfect posture. pleasant to be around but doesn’t socialise or share a lot about herself and her life which can really make her seem either fake and/or stuck-up and/or too serious -  actually just very shy by nature.

she’s often misunderstood by people who don’t know her well, or by journalists who don’t actually take the time to sit down and talk to her.

some people probably think she bought her career but 1) her parents are rich, snobbish, and pretentious but they literally couldn’t care less about the entertainment industry tbh & 2) they’d never buy their children a career bc they believe that if you want something you work hard to get it  

her career is a mixture of amy adam’s and jessica chastain’s.

the parts she picks are all very carefully chosen (and lbh when she first started she could afford to do this bc it’s not like she had to worry about money even tho her parents weren’t exactly supporting her). she probably started being credited in movies while she was still at college, but they were very small parts. it took her a long time to break-out because did a lotttt of theater at first but the parts she picked were always those small/supporting roles you know will lead you to the big ones one day and that’s exactly what happened. for those who didn’t follow her career she seemingly just.... showed up out of nowhere and jumped straight into the spotlight but she was like 32 when this happened and already had several movies under her belt.

her fiancé cheated on her one time and it’s a whole ordeal bc everyone has a god damn opinion about it but it’s... complex. the cheating was obviously all his fault but there was a lot of miscommunication happening and now... now she’s the one not cooperating. it’s very angsty and there’s lots of ups and downs and very happy moments and extremely sad moments (and they might end up taking a break at some point) and everything is a thousand times worse when your life is splashed in the front page of magazines. they do love each other very much, and that kind of makes everything worse. i have a whole plot written for it lmao

*GAVIN / MID OR 30S / firefighter or cook or smth else open fc difficulty to fit in a wanted ad:   mid

As a kid Gavin had a massive attitude problem and serious unresolved issues, but once he was determined to get over them he never looked back.

He was never a genuinely bad person, it’s just that the environment in which he was raised, especially in his teens, gave him a very wrong idea of how a person, especially a boy from his social class, should go about in the world and conditioned him to act in a certain way. Even if he did help around the house a lot (honestly he was kind of a fiona gallagher in a way) he was raised (not by his family in particular but the community as a whole) with a very stereotypical notion of what boys are supposed to act like. I don’t think he ever thought too much of it, if it was right or wrong or just plain backyards thinking, it was just his reality.

He went through three decisive moments which essentially shaped his life. The first one was his mother’s death, he was around 7 and he processed it the way a young boy raised in the environment he was raised in would, plus he had a slightly older brother and it was easy to just follow his footsteps. Close as they were, their bonding was often over the wrong things or in the wrong way, and while they were already close as young children after their mother’s death they became even closer and that was also the time they started taking the art of being troublemakers to another level.

The second one was not going to college. He made it there, and on a scholarship (and he was a year younger than most of his peers and all because he got into high school a year earlier), but pretty much blew that and just walked away back home. For a while, particularly while he was trying to get his shit together, this was a part of his past that deeply disturbed him and he beat himself up about it constantly but eventually he reached the conclusion that stupid as his actions were they got him where he is, so he sort of feels like it just had to happen.

The third one was his eldest brother’s death. He died in a bar fight, or more accurately after it, and Gavin was there and he was involved. His brother’s passing really made him go off the deep end - extremely bad decisions were made during that time and a couple of those landed him in juvie. Even though that’s obviously not a good thing to have on your CV, or to just share with anyone let’s be honest, it truly the only time in his life where he seriously acted out, crashed, and then was able to evaluate himself, and angry as he was when he initially got there, being surrounded by people who had done worse things than him only made him realize that their situations and futures weren’t things he wanted for himself - they weren’t things he wanted to conform himself to.

Easier said (or thought) than done, however. He didn’t have any money of his own when he got out, nor did he have proper support, and on top of all of the things he had left on hold prior to going to juvie his half-sister also started getting herself into serious trouble. It’s not easy to get out of the place in which he was raised, either you’re lucky or risk it all or the circumstances just aren’t in your favor and no one is really rooting for you. He had some street debts to pay (both his and his brother’s), he had actual bills to help paying… it just wasn’t a good situation.

So he got a job and spent years just trying to do what he had to do to get people off his back (and it was around during this period that he started cooking at one of his jobs in a shitty joint). When he was 22/23 he nearly landed himself in jail because of his half-sister - at that point she was really young, she didn’t have a record and he didn’t want her to mess up her life so early on and potentially in such a permanent manner. Luckily he got away with community service (and his service included working with food). His half-sister apologized to him a lot, and she was thankful, but she didn’t really do anything to change her behavior. This whole affair was essentially his final drop; he was absolutely done with that whole environment and his situation, and he realised that he needed to go elsewhere, do or try something else, because if he stayed as much as he wanted to turn his life around it wasn’t going to happen.

Currently lives with a coworker but for a while he lived with an old acquaintance who used to be extremely close to his eldest brother (and by extremely close I mean, more than friends extremely close) and who was still up to his old tricks but he was very welcoming and didn’t bother Gavin in the least. Plus they had opposite schedules which Gavin found perfect because for most of the time he felt like the place was his alone (which was extremely important because it gave him time and space to develop and better himself as an individual).

He’s just a guy living his life not thinking too much about things or worrying about the future. He doesn’t trust easily though and he’s often suspicious of people’s intentions. 

PS: low-key really want a “we had a crappy blind date and ended up just having sex and it’s been about a month and i just got a text from u and wait what you’re pregnant??” plot for him

*ELEANOR / MID 30S / radio show host or uni professor, probs  both tbh   probably gemma arterton or olivia munn  if she’s not taken difficulty to fit in a wanted ad:   mid

"Sunday morning with a slight hangover in the gym with no makeup on.... not going to get off this treadmill but I am considering putting my sunglasses on." that’s the eleanor #mood

if hogwarts was real, she'd have been sorted into slytherin (which is obvs a v important detail).

she's the legal guardian of her niece and nephew. she had a twin sister who died she and her husband nominated her as legal guardian of the kids - she's still learning how to handle/process this. 

(she... never liked being a twin, she actually hated it and she and her twin lead every different lives, but now that her twin is gone it’s... it’s odd and she’s dealing with it the best she can. she feels guilty in a way even tho she obvs knows their death was not her fault in any way)

she’s force of nature; a very well presented cocktail of audacity, resourcefulness, energy, and confidence. she likes to think she's just staying in her lane doing her thing but she's def likes to know what's going on and if you ask for her opinion you're certainly going to get an honest answer ¯\_(ツ)_/.

honestly she totally is a "when life gives you lemons...." person: sociable, determined, headstrong, practical, outgoing, super confident, unapologetic... she can be kind of selfish and pig-headed sometimes, and she does have trouble backing away from challenges... those are two of her big flaws. she doesn't like to depend on anything or anyone and she's afraid of investing in things that will lead nowhere

when she was a teen she occasionally often made questionable life choices... altho lbh she still does, although not as often and probably not as questionable.

she's engaged (i don't know exactly how long it's been, but it hasn't been over four years), but she's definitely dated/seen other people in the past. her current relationship aside, she likely was never in any long-term/serious relationships, but if you have ideas feel free to share because honestly i live for pre-established character connections and #drama/angst.   

*VALENTINA / mid30S / idk  probably diane guerrero if she’s not taken difficulty to fit in a wanted ad:   mid

a bit of a shy child, her parents immigrated to wales when she was 6. struggled a lot but never once complained - she was young, but old and skewed enough to realize that if her parents were leaving so much behind it was out of necessity not desire.  

her younger sister was only one year old when the family moved to wales (so she grew up surrounded by english culture and fully embracing it - way too much, at times), her older brother, who got to spend his 9th anniversary in a small and damp house surrounded by no friends and family other than his parents and sisters, gave their parents a very hard time by becoming moody and picking fights.

unlike many middle children, valentina didn't suffer from middle child syndrome - she didn't have the time to, anyway. when she wasn't struggling with her social life and the english language, she spent her time devouring books, cautiously exploring the city, taking care of her sister, and making sure her brother stayed out of trouble (and, later on, making sure that her sister stayed out of trouble as well).

her father died when she was 15 - he'd been feeling ill for a couple months, but it was a shock all the same. valentina and her brother had been arguing a lot then (for a variety of, primarily mundane, reasons) and their father's passing only made it worse.

with her husband's death, valentina's mothes decided that she owned it to his memory to be a little braver - life is short after all - and about a year later she ended up meeting a guy who............. was not.............. a good person...................... but he was comfortable in life and she liked him and she thought he could help her give her children an education etc etc etc

it started with microaggressions and then not so micro ones and the next thing she knew her brother was getting smacked for lack of respect. it wasn't the first nor the last time it happened, and at one point or the other everyone got to experience what the palm of his hand felt like against their cheek or the feeling of his long fingers wrapping tightly around their arm - she got her first bruise for speaking spanish. 

her brother’s girlfriend at the time was an absolute angel who helping out and with the help of her family they managed to have him kicked out in Easter. valentina's brother's girlfriend and her family offering their own house as a place for them to stay for as long as they wish.    

anyway she goes to college and she’s ends up studying abroad for a while and on her first day back, she walks into her home and is greeted by a man she's never seen before - her sister popping up from the kitchen with a smile, casually and cheerfully explaining the situation. valentina knows, even before she puts her bag down, that this will end poorly. he sounds charming at first but she's met charming men like him before, and when she asks him to leave it's when he starts showing his true colours (she's not shocked in the least but she is, in a way, surprised that he put up such a poor fight and that it took so little time for him to snap). she ends up with a black eye and a bruised cheek, he ends up in the hospital. her sister promises her it was the last time.

her current job as a diplomat is one she loves - she had a good mentor too, which helped - but she never dreamed that she'd end up where she is today - she could never have, it was a dream that was so unfathomable it never even existed - and even though she has always worked hard she never even worked to have the life she has, not exactly. she never did anything with any goals in particular in mind. her only goals were always to make her parents proud and not to become a statistic.  

optional: she’s in an unofficial love/hate relationship with either a journalist or another diplomat from another country and it’s.... complicated and angsty af

FRANK /  30s  / late night show host open fc difficulty to fit in a wanted ad:   low

all i have so far for him is that he is a late night show host. think trevor noah. probably was a voice actor at some point (or still is)

don’t have a lot for him so if im bringing him onto the site i def need to fit him in a specific plot

Owen /  idk  / idk open fc 

there was never anything special about owen, and (although it often made him jealous that his brother was more outgoing and less anxious) - he was just a regular middle class boy and he never felt the strong desire to be any other way. 

when he was in junior year he got into a car accident with his brother - the two were arguing about something stupid and the car swerved off the lane. since then, owen lives with chronic back-pain and his demeanor has changed significantly. he’s less approachable and more grumpy, in addition, he dropped out of college because of his anxiety which is something he’s very ashamed off. 

"eliza” (might switch to  a male character) /  idk  / idk open fc

✈ eliza was brought up in lower-class family in a lower middle class neighborhood. her childhood wasn’t crappy, her parents weren’t abusive, and she always had clean clothes and food on the table (sometimes it was hard, and the family certainly didn’t splurge, but her basic necessities were almost always met). neither of her parents finished college - her father dropped out and her mother didn’t even make it to college because her family didn’t have enough money to put her through it.

✈ eliza’s father, brian, is a first generation immigrant, her mother, karen, was born and raised in colorado. the two went to the same high school and that’s where they met and dated for a solid year before breaking up. they reconnected later (when they were in their mid 20s) at a mall where eliza’s mother was waiting tables and her father worked as a security guard. the truth about eliza's parents is that they clung to one another: the don’t hate each other, but they don’t love each other either, they never did. they stayed together primarily out of fear and concern that nothing better would come along - because it was convenient. they’re both people who could have gotten much further in life than what they did and, in many aspects, this is one thing that has always deeply bothered eliza. they never tried, they never pushed themselves, they never did anything for things to go any other way than the way they did. their conformism and apathy are two things eliza has always detested, and a part of her still holds this against them.

✈ growing up, eliza was very aware that she didn’t look like most people around her. in both pre-school and middle-school she was the only multiracial child. throughout her early years and teenage-hood comments and questions about, primarily, her eyes and parents were heard often - some innocent and curious, others less so. she’s not a stranger to maliciousness, bullying, and the direct consequences of ignorance, and saying that none of it never effected her would be a lie. her different looks and lack of monetary means always made her feel like she was at a disadvantage and she often felt jealous of her classmates and friends - of both their looks and possessions. not feeling comfortable to discuss these thoughts and feelings with anyone, eliza got used to process them by herself. this is something she still does to this day - she’ll seldom ask for one’s advice or input, and if she does, it’s because she truly values it. slowly and steadily, she began to use her insecurities as both a shield and a weapon - as ways of motivating her to move forward in her life, change what she could and make peace with what she couldn’t.

✈ her parents were extremely proud when she was accepted to not one but three medical schools. she was glad but their pride didn't feel like much. she didn't do it for them or with their help, it was all by her for her (besides, her father's inability to get an education and honor his parents efforts to pursue a better life is something that has never sit well with eliza, so his opinion concerning her education isn't one she ever valued a lot). money was a real concern but eliza took care of that all by herself as well: her good grades granted her a partial scholarship and throughout her years as as student she kept a job or two (even in summers). it wasn't easy, but nothing ever came easy to eliza, she never relied on easy - she was focused and determined and she knew exactly what she had to do to get where she wanted to.

✈ while eliza has always felt like she's the only person in control of her life, she's also always been well aware that, as a child and teenager, she was never someone who could afford to dwell on options and choose whatever she fancied the most. she either took what came along and made the most of it, or had to stay objective and practical. choosing to study medicine was a combination of all of those. it was practical, she didn't dislike it, it gave her good career prospects, and it was also an homage to her paternal grandparents - her grandfather was a doctor before he immigrated and her grandmother always talked about she wanted to have become a 'brain doctor'. while eliza's grandfather died when she was very young, eliza's grandmother kept all of his notebooks and she took great pleasure in going through them with her granddaughter.

✈ eliza’s main motivation growing up (and, perhaps, even today) was to not turn out like her parents. she doesn’t even consider what they have an actual life because, as far as she’s concerned, they’re exiting and not actually living. it’s frustrating for her, it has always been, especially because their decisions didn’t just affect their own lives but also hers (ie: she could have gone to better schools, lived in a better house, tried different hobbies, etc etc etc). in addition, even though they never accomplished anything significant and are the epitome of conformism, they often feel entitled to have opinions and pass judgment that eliza simply doesn’t tolerate. for instance, they often question her parenting (even before her daughter was born they already questioned whether or not she'd make a good mother, and they still grind her gear about her "handing over" the majority custody to her ex) and they were very vocal about their disapproval of her marriage, and what eliza hates the most and has trouble living with is that almost everything they said happened. (there are times where she finds herself wondering if they were right, not about the obvious things, like that she married too fast, but the little ones, like that deep down she said yes because just like them, scared that nothing better - or nothing at all - will come along.)

✈ she was 27, a surgical resident, and already a mom when she got her right hand's fingers stuck in a car's door. she broke three and ended up with nerve damage that prevents her from making specific gestures with a steady hand. so that, was the end of that. the injury rarely impacts her daily life unless she's like, trying to eat with chopsticks or has to sew something up. she's gotten used to doing a lot of things with her non-dominant hand though. 

✈ while defensive and often assertive, eliza isn't someone who likes to argue. it exhausts her beyond words and makes her relive her teenage years and the necessity to always defend and stand up for herself. while she was brought up in a house where it was almost always quiet, she spent a large portion of her early years listening to other people - primarily neighbors - arguing day and night. in addition, at college she shared an apartment with five very loud people who were always squabbling among themselves or with their significant others, which deeply irritated her. when it comes to her home environment and her relationships, she likes them calm and honest. discussions are to be thoughtful and polite, but if you get her going (and especially if you raise your voice to her) it'll turn out poorly - she doesn't back down, it's stronger than her.  

[deleted] MOIRA /  late 40s  /  head of the foreign desk LUCY LIU IF SHE’S NOT TAKEN   difficulty to fit in a wanted ad:   mid

war correspondent

got shot at

not a war correspondent anymore just a regular reporter

pissed af about it

will make you look like a fool on tv in front of millions of people

will be sitting outside your office every day for as long as it takes for you to talk to her/answer her questions

years ago (like, 20 smth) she met a war doctor while abroad and the two had a kid they gave up for adoption

honestly will likely only bring him if i can have a couple pre-establish connections like his the child she gave up for adoption, her ex, a mutual dislike with like a colleague or a politician, etc

NEAL /  mid or late 30S / hockey or football player probably manish dayal if he’s not taken

neal was born to an average middle class family and has two younger sisters. his mom’s a canadian maths teacher and his dad was an english cardiac surgeon who passed away when he was around ten.

he has dual citizenship which is…….. nice

one of his sisters is married and they’re relatively close, the other one got involved in a lot of bad things when she was a teen and it seems that no matter how much help the family provides she can’t move past her issues. neal’s sisters haven’t been in touch with each other for a handful of years now. even though his eldest sister’s decision to cut ties with their younger sister bothered him greatly, he too ended up sort of doing the same thing a couple years down the road when she cleaned his apartment of any valuables. she stills calls asking for money occasionally, which is… complicated.

about two years ago his mom started dating a grandpa she met in aerobics class. he finds the whole thing really weird and vaguely disturbing but just rolls with it.

neal finds that it’s important to have aspirations and goals but it’s even more important to roll with whatever the universe throws at you. life’s weird and ends too soon, the world’s a mess; don’t overthink things, just make the most of your time while you’re here.

he’s definitely not afraid of confrontation but he has no interest in nor patient for it - life’s too short for it in his opinion. he’s that guy that really doesn’t want to get into a fight but then his friend starts it and he’s like “god damn it” and he sticks by their side

he’s not loyal to a fault tho.  

even though she’s a very carefree, jovial, and relaxed person, he started to feel the weight of having responsibilities at a very young age (essentially since his father got sick), so he does get weirdly/crazy responsible and all grown-up when it comes to family and work matters, and he can be a bit of a dad with his close friends at times.

that said, he cares… but selectively so, which leads to him acting a little bit like a dick sometimes. he just has a “live and let live” attitude, buckets of self-esteem, and has never been one to spend too much time being sad or mulling things over.

he’s not one to chase after people: if you tell him “no”, he’s not going to hear “win me over”, he’ll literally just be like “k, cheers” and move on.

he’s only been truly in love once and she ended things out of the blue because she couldn’t handle his schedule and exposure & was afraid of commitment. it was gr8!!!!!!!!! totally did not fucking gut him!!!!!!

he’s someone who would really like to settle down for real but at the same time he’s not actively pursuing a serious relationship. most of the girls neal’s gotten involved with… he liked them but he wasn’t in love with them. he doesn’t feign interest, nor does he pretend to feel more than he does, but he likes to have fun and he isn’t going to wait around until ~the one~ comes along to start having fun. he doesn’t play games, he’s very honest about his intentions so if it’s just flirting/sex, you’ll know it. if he feels something more, he’ll tell you. occasionally he’s not being as clear as he thinks he is and that had resulted in some pretty awkward situations.

optional: he got married to an old friend at some point, they had a daughter, and they divorced a year after they got married. the press made a huge deal out of it. it wasn’t. they parted ways amicably and are still very good friends. the reason why they divorced is simply: his wife could tell that while he loved her he didn’t love her as much as he was still hung up on someone else, and she refused to be in a marriage like that.