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hellzyeahwebwielingessays · 4 years

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The Not-So-Amazing Mary Jane Part 34: AMJ #6.1

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You know I considered ending this series after the initial arc. I may well discontinue it after awhile. But for now at least I am going to press on. Thus begins the second of what I and dead certain will be a shitty arc of AMJ. Pray for me.

Before we dive into the issue I want to quote for you the solicit for this issue:

WELCOME TO NY, MJ! After the CAN’T-MISS events of AMAZING MARY JANE #5, your favorite redhead is back home! First stop: Spider-Man! But has her relationship with Mysterio changed things with the love of her life? Next stop: a press tour! Complete with iconic New York guest-starring gigs, and OH NO WHAT’S THAT?!?

We spent over 10 years of seeing Peter and MJ separated in the 616 universe.

Thanks to Nick Spencer they blessedly got back together.

Across 25 issues we got to see Peter and MJ interact and 99% of the time it was awesome and helped some old and open wounds get a little better.

It wasn’t every issue, but that was good. Don’t want to get indulgent right?

Then this series came along and Peter/MJ interactions got limited again due to the nature of the story.

That was a shame but at least we were going to get a great MJ story right?

Except we didn’t. We got a story that paradoxically simultaneously celebrated MJ whilst also inadvertently character assassinating her and just being a disgusting fucking mess in general.

But here we have MJ back in New York where Spider-Man is. This issue is even promising us an interaction between them.

Sounds good right?

Let’s see if it will deliver.

As always here we get the recap.

And once more it gives us the full title of the movie in spite of the comic yet to have done that.

As for the ‘strength of his vision blah blah blah’, you know the drill by now. That’s all bullshit, Mary Jane would never connect to Beck over that or allow him to walk free because of that.

There is also a passage in the recap claiming that MJ connected to Beck over familiarity with his situation. The idea of this being their last chance to make it big. I’ve already talked about how that’s bullshit, see part 12.

Finally, the recap confirms that MJ has still failed to tell Peter the truth. Nice to know MJ will continue to be hardcore out of character moving forward into this new arc.

As the issue starts we see MJ introduced as a guest on some kind of chat show.

As has been the case throughout the series, the art is (stylistically at least) gorgeous.

Beyond that there is little to about this page. Except of course the fact that Mary Jane has thought captions.

Let me repeat that.

For the first time in six issues the readers are being given an insight into the thoughts of title character!

You know, if this were a brand new run, a re-launch or even say the beginning of an outright new era for a series maybe that’d be okay.

But it isn’t. It’s the same run, the same volume, the same story, merely the next arc. This is like if Nick Spencer hadn’t used thought captions throughout the first five issues of his ASM run but then randomly did for the Trivia Night storyline with Boomerang.

Thought captions are perhaps one of the single most potent weapons in the arsenal of a comic book writer. It allows for immense development of characters and enables writers to combine the strength of prose stories with those of more visual mediums.

Now, it’s not that it’s bad to simply not use them. But be consistent. Thought captions would’ve gone a long way in helping us understand Mary Jane better in the first arc along with elaborating upon her asinine decisions there.

Not to mention for a character so often written off as shallow or just eye candy wouldn’t an insight into her thoughts have helped dispel such accusations? Jed Mackay has been doing that pretty consistently since the first issue of his Black Cat run. There it has done wonders for Felicia and fleshed her out more.

It’s especially bad when we consider we got more of an insight into MJ’s thoughts and feelings in one issue of Nick Spencer’s ASM run than in the entire five prior issues of her solo title.

Anyway, as her interview with Reilly Redding begins there is some quips and verbal jousting going on. Reilly asks if the movie has wrapped but MJ explains that McKnight and the crew are still shooting in L.A. Reilly asks if MJ is sure about that.

This isn’t a positive, more a general observation. I’m not overly familiar with chat shows, let alone American ones, but to my eyes the host seems influenced by Ellen DeGeneres.

Anyway, let me dispense with the pettiest of gripes first. I hate Reilly’s hairstyle. I hate that hairstyle in general. To me it looks really stupid, like you went for a haircut but gave up halfway through. That’s not in anyway shape or form a fair criticism. I totally own that. It is just a tiny point that really bothers me personally.

On the more positive side, Williams continues her frustrating tendency to nail MJ’s personality traits within a problematic context. MJ’s social skills are one of her greatest powers and here her charisma and ability to play verbal tennis with Reilly is executed superlatively. When Williams does stuff like this she delivers some of the best Mary Jane writing in a long time. Which is why I hate saying and believing that she shouldn’t work on the character over all. She makes traits of MJ shine whilst nevertheless damaging the character over all.

Case in point, the movie is still filming right? And the Vulture (and probably the other members of the Savage Six) are still out there. Let’s be kind and presume they are in a new secret location. That means Vulture will still want to find out where they are, so all the people (and their families) from issue #4 are still going to be harassed by the Vulture’s paparazzi gang and potentially threatened by the six themselves.

Oh well, MJ still DGAF I guess.

Guess she doesn’t care that she’s appearing in public (in NYC of all places!) in spite of six villains now holding a very direct grudge against her.

Also, we FINALLY get the full name of the movie in the story itself, not the recap pages.

As the interview continues, MJ takes questions from the audience. One man asks what it’s like for her to play a real hero for the first time considering she’s played normal female roles before.

MJ responds that they are all heroes to her. She doesn’t really make the female role distinction quite the same way either. It’s more like she plays a hero who is also a woman.

The next question is about the weird press speculation about Cage McKnight’s conduct. The woman asking the question wants to know what he’s really like. MJ responds that he’s great, just dedicated to the craft and protective of his crew. She points out the paparazzi didn’t take kindly to him because he in turn didn’t take kindly to them hounding the movie.

Reilly then reveals McKnight is here for the interview.

Once more, Williams (with a huge help from Gomez’s art) conveys the charisma and social savvy of MJ here. Gomez’s body language demands particular praise. He conveys MJ’s beauty, flirtation, charm, etc. And he does it on multiple levels. The subtle genius of this page is how Gomez captures MJ putting on a performance for the public, to convince them she’s being utterly genuine and casual.

As for the dialogue, the best faith interpretation of the man’s question, he meant MJ has never played a super hero before, just normal non-powered women. He didn’t mean stereotypical female roles. That interpretation makes MJ’s response make more sense than if the former was the intent. So I’ll give Williams a pass and presume that was in fact her intent.

As for the second question it further highlights the unethical nature of allowing Mysterio to impersonate McKnight. The real McKnight has a lot of gossip and a new public image that was not of his own making. It wasn’t even an unfair fabrication by the press, it existed specifically because someone else was using his name, face and reputation for personal gain.

Also the audacity of Williams to directly reference issue #4 where Ken was harassed by the Vulture’s paparazzi squad but just ignore the fact that that should still be going on.

To MJ’s confusion Cage McKnight joins the interview. However, he doesn’t seem to know anything about the movie at all. He says the first he heard of the movie was when he was contacted for the interview. Meanwhile MJ frantically contacts Beck on her phone. Reilly notices and calls MJ out just before Beck confirms he’s still in L.A.

To MJ’s horror she realizes she’s sitting next to the real Cage McKnight who’s returned from his penguin expedition. Reilly asks why he came on the show if he doesn’t remember movie. Cage responds that just because he doesn’t remember making the movie doesn’t mean he didn’t. he explains that in the past he’s made movies in ‘artistic fugues’ and presumes this is just one such time.

*pinches bridge of nose*

Oh my Gooooooooood this is so dumb.

I get the desire to have humour in a story for the sake of levity. But the world of Spider-Man is not even remotely a borderline Deadpool or Harley Quinn or Lobo comic book. The humour doesn’t come from absurdity or a cartoonlike breaking of logic and reality.

And make no mistake, this is absurd. Scratch that, it’s contrived to the nth degree.

First of all I’m not that well read up on fugue states so I briefly consulted Wikipedia who had this to say:

Dissociative fugue, formerly fugue state or psychogenic fugue, is a dissociative disorder[1] and a rare psychiatric disorder characterized by reversible amnesia for personal identity, including the memories, personality, and other identifying characteristics of individuality. The state can last days, months or longer. Dissociative fugue usually involves unplanned travel or wandering and is sometimes accompanied by the establishment of a new identity. It is a facet of dissociative amnesia, according to the fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5).

-Wikipedia

Basically a fugue state is a sort of similar condition to Dissociative Identity Disorder, more commonly known as having a split personality. Only instead of an individual’s psyche fracturing into different personalities that take dominance, it’s someone’s mind running away with itself and becoming someone else. The individual forgets aspects of who they are and becomes someone else.

A very good example within fiction can be found in the Doctor Who episode ‘The Next Doctor’. In it a man named Jackson Lake suffers a traumatic experience and in the midst of it (through a sci-fi gizmo) absorbs a lot of information on the character of the Doctor. His traumatized mind consequently decides to imitate what it regards as the Doctor.

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What I’m saying is McKnight’s dialogue about his fugues are very probably bullshit unless someone can cite evidence to the contrary.

Using the above description though McKnight has gotten this rare psychiatric disorder multiple times and specifically in conjunction with his job as a filmmaker. Yeah, no. Not buying it and neither should you.

Being a film director isn’t a muscle memory skill you can’t forget no matter what. People with amnesia or Alzheimer’s disease do not forget how to play the piano or how to drive. But directing a movie? There are so many moving pieces to that job that rely upon you knowing how equipment and more importantly individual people operate. You have to bear a shitton of theory in mind too. It is physically impossible to repeatedly have fugues and then maintain that job.

And even if it was, oh my lord, that is the single most contrived thing in this series yet. Are you SERIOUSLY telling me that Mary Jane and Beck and the entire production got this lucky. The guy who’s reputation is what the movie is riding on happens to be someone who repeatedly deals with this incredibly rare mental condition?

Holy shit. That’s Superior Spider-Man levels of contrived.

And yet if you still swallowed all of that it still wouldn’t make sense!

McKnight presumes he made this Mysterio movie in a fugue state right? But he wasn’t, so he would remember his life during that period of time. Meaning that there are lots of public records and personal accounts testifying that he was making the movie at the same time that he knows he was observing penguins.

If you suffer amnesia or blackouts or DID then there are obviously gaps in time you cannot account for. The overwhelming majority of people who deal with those conditions make a point of keeping track of those gaps, for practical reasons if nothing else. So McKnight would know that there isn’t a gap in time he can’t account for and certainly not for the time period the Mysterio movie has been going for.

Shit, the movie is still filming! How the Hell does he believe he is still making this movie in a fugue state if he’s consciously aware of lacking any knowledge about it?

Not to mention if he’s been in the Falkland Islands this whole time. A quick Google search informed me that by plane it’d take over 14 hours to travel between the islands and Los Angeles. How the fuck is anyone supposed to ever commute that distance, let alone regularly. And McKnight sincerely believes he was doing both at the same goddam time?

You couldn’t even argue that McKnight believes he made the Mysterio movie before his penguin expedition. Because the movie is still being made and all his other ‘artistic fugues’ would have a movie as proof of what he was doing during the fugues.

This is just mind-numbingly stupid and lazy writing. It smacks so hard of Williams trying to desperately paper over the holes in her initial story.

More importantly, how fucking stupid is Mary Jane or Beck to never considered this possibility? I don’t mean the fugue bullshit, I mean the idea of McKnight just coming back from his penguin adventure.

Was Mysterio honestly so incompetent as to have never accounted for that? He seriously never had anything in place to make sure McKnight wouldn’t just decide to cut his journey short? Jesus, and I was dumb enough to buy his line about McKnight spending a year with the penguins.

Even putting that aside, what the flying fuck was MJ and Beck’s plan for when he eventually came back in the first place? Say he really did spend a year with the penguins then came back to the USA. Suddenly he has a movie with his name attached to it and lots of controversy. Let’s say McKnight’s fugue bullshit added up, there is no indication MJ or beck knew about them. So how the Hell were they planning on getting away with the obvious questions he or his friends or family would have had?

And if they did know about the fugues, why didn’t Williams address that before? That was kind of a lingering question hanging over the story until now wasn’t it?

God I can’t believe I paid for this!

On the next page MJ spots a guy in an Oni Mask backstage. She presumes he’s there to scare her as part of the show. However, she notices that the P.A.s haven’t seen him. Meanwhile Reilly set up a stupid game for them to play.

I got nothing to say about this page beyond McKnight’s dialogue. Williams is clearly trying to frame the real McKnight in a less than sympathetic manner. There could be many reasons why. I suspect one of the reasons is to incline us more towards Beck’s version of McKnight and to make us not feel as bad about Beck (and MJ) exploiting his identity.

Because being vaguely and lightly sexist means you deserve to have your career, public image, sense of self and life violated and damaged I guess?????????????

As Reilly brings in people from the audience to compete against McKnight and MJ, the latter thinks that there is something weirdly familiar about the Oni-masked man.

I have little to say about this page too.

Reilly’s attitude and facial expressions make me dislike her, even beyond her stupid haircut.

And as for the Oni-Masked man (I’ll just call him Oni for now) my only guess is that he’s affiliated with Mister Negative somehow. He had his goons wear Oni masks at times. And MJ interacted with them and Mister Negative himself in the popular 2018 Spider-Man video game by Insomniac; and it’s adapted comic book City at War. As such perhaps Williams is trying to tie-in or capitalize upon audience familiarity with that.

As MJ plays the dumb game he ponders if Oni could be a lesser member of Peter’s rogue’s gallery. Observing him again she notices him murder a civilian.

The dumb game annoyed me, but that’s just me.

Beyond that all I can say is that MJ’s dialogue about Peter’s rogue’s gallery is interesting. It proves that MJ has at least a working knowledge of Peter’s major foes. Which just further proves she would have been familiar with Mysterio and his crimes, just in case anyone was still clinging to the idea that she wouldn’t.

Also, the art and especially that splash page were beautiful.

Unfortunately for MJ, Oni notices she witnessed his crime. MJ is nervous and backs away in fear, annoying McKnight when she bumps into him. Meanwhile Spider-Man swings across town yelling for to hold on as he is on the way.

Gomez draws a nice Spider-Man.

Anyway, more of Williams making us dislike McKnight, see above for more on that.

MJ backing away in fear has me apprehensive. I don’t know if that’s in character for her. I guess the shock and surprise could’ve thrown her for a loop. And if Oni doesn’t notice her then it gives her a better chance of raising the alarm and capturing him.

I must say, I do like MJ being on the backfoot here after issues #1-5 made her often overconfident and over capable at times (see her nonchalance over the Savage Six in issue #5).

Also, isn’t MJ going to give Oni the benefit of the doubt? Maybe he’s sorry for murdering that guy just now. Maybe he wants to make amends by creating a movie about his life. So why is MJ so scared?

Sure, he just murdered someone, but what is that next to the laundry list of Beck’s crimes?

As it turns out, Spidey wasn’t on his way to save MJ. He was in fact en route to a French restaurant to have dinner with her. He is actually before MJ for a change.

I know Gomez isn’t the only artist on this issue and this doesn’t look like his work. Who ever is drawing it though is doing a very bland depiction of Peter with a overly wrinkly forehead.

The joke about him arriving first for a change was funny though.

Back at the studio, the show wraps up. McKnight insults Reilly’s profession just in case you’ve not realised he is a jerk yet. MJ thinks about persuading everyone to evacuate and searches for her phone. She notices Oni leaving and decides to leave her phone behind.

I already know MJ is going to pursue Oni herself. The stupidity of that aside why the fuck wouldn’t you grab your phone before doing that? You could use it no matter where you wind up and it wasn’t so far away that he’d get that much of a head start.

In fact, if Oni knows MJ is a witness why did he bother hanging around in the first place.

And why didn’t MJ raise the alarm immediately, the worst that would happen is the guy would run away. He’s just stealthily murdered someone and is in a mask. He obviously isn’t going to take the audience hostage, so if her priority is protecting innocents then raising the alarm immediately (or in fact earlier would’ve been her best bet. Yes that’d probably mean he’d have escaped but unlike with say Peter’s origin, getting him the Hell out of there would’ve reduced the immediate threat to the civilians present.

And on top of that if she figures he’s targeting her because she was a witness to his crime then by alerting everyone to his actions she’d have removed his need (at least for the moment) of sticking around to eliminate her, thus getting him away from the audience.

If he’s leaving anyway, MJ could also just grab her phone and put a call in to Peter, her super hero chums or the police and get them on the case immediately. If she was really so determined to go after this guy herself she still could but would’ve had a back up just in case he escapes or kills her. If she fails then she’s insured someone will still pursue him.

And as I copiously detailed in parts 19-22, MJ is not a super hero (and she knows that). She has no idea what this guy’s skills, weapons or powers might be, nor does she know what resources or assistance will be nearby to enable her to survive or subdue him. This isn’t like an armed cop, a martial artist or a super powered person going after a regular crook. She really doesn’t know what she is in for. Even if he is just a normal man, he clearly has a height and weight advantage over her, is obviously willing and capable of chocking a man to death and is armed. MJ meanwhile has little self-defence training, no weapons and hasn’t got the weight or muscle capable of taking him on if she’s backed into a corner. And she’s pursuing him back stage where presumably there is a fair chance of encountering many corners!

I understand that she doesn’t want to endanger innocent people, but there is no point in risking her life there is a much more practical and likely to succeed option available to her. Live to fight another day and all that. Yes the guy might hurt people during or after his escape but that’s a lesser evil vs. going after him herself when she is very unlikely to subdue him, far more likely to die and then the guy will get away without her having passed on any valuable intel on him to someone more qualified to pursue him.

Also once she sees the guy leaving she could just tell everyone the situation and ask the audience to stay put.

Basically if raises the alarm right there on stage and/or calls Peter or the authorities she is over all putting less people in danger and increasing the chances of the guy being apprehended in the long run. But no, instead she is going to gamble on the far slimmer odds that she can capture the guy.

Not to mention, why would the guy even give a shit that MJ saw him? Why would MJ give a shit that she is a witness to his crime? He is wearing a mask! She couldn’t identify him even if she went to the police. It is literally part of the reason her goddam boyfriend wears a mask!

And by the way, are there no security cameras backstage? Wouldn’t MJ consider that or Oni himself?

McKnight apologises to Reilly (so not that much of a jerk I guess) as MJ pursues Oni (barefooted) backstage. As she does this she rehearses what she will say to Peter in her head. This entails telling him that she had to get away from the killer. As she is thinking about this the body of Oni’s victim is discovered. Backstage she comes face to face with Oni who refers to her by name.

Yay. MJ deliberately planning on lying to Peter again. It’s so awesome that Williams understands why this isn’t a really bad idea for the reasons I pointed out in part 17.

By the way, I suspect Oni knows MJ personally rather than just recognizing her work.

I’m actually going to leave it there for now as the next part of the story has a shitton to unpack.

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#Leah Williams #Amazing Mary Jane #Mysterio #Quentin beck #Spider-Man #mary jane watson #Mary Jane Watson Parker #mjwatsonedit #MJ Watson #peter parker #Doctor Who

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madame-x · 4 years

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hello, hello, hello !! i am here with my fifth muse (who i’ve been wanting to play for literally a month now dkfjgbkjsdfg so the muse is very, very, VERY strong with this one) and you can find more about her under the cut!!

trigger warnings: drugs, overdose & abuse

nina eloise connolly here was born and raised in a small town in the middle of nowhere. a little farm town where there were more cows and horses and goats than there were people

she’s the second eldest out of 4 kids and the first daughter

you’d think that the first daughter and the mother would be really close but NOPE like her parents..... should never have been parents in the first place becuse they love the pipe and the bottle more than they’ve ever loved their own kids

sometimes things were find in that household, but most of the time, it wasn’t. her mother was a quiet drunk, moreso when she was high but her father’s a pretty volatile person and wasn’t above laying his hands on his children to release some of his pent up anger

her older brother, the eldest of the connolly children, took up most of the abuse but sometimes nina was there too because she hated that her brother had this tendency to play the hero

by the time she was 13, her dad died because of an overdose, and you’d think her mother would actually step up and become a mother but even though she TRIED or said she would and even managed to be clean for a couple of months, she still hit that pipe every once in awhile and it was just a vicious cycle

eventually, nina just stopped caring, stopped hoping that she’d actually stick to her word because it was just a constant barrage of disappointment every single time

nina was working by the time she was 12, babysitting the kids nearby and just taking every chance she could get to get out of that house. she hated being there. she hated being around her mom. she hated feeling like her entire life was a burden when she never asked to be born in the first place, she hated just how relieved she feels that her father is no longer with them..............which made her feel horrible as a daughter

in school, nina is like whip-smart but she was always the girl who had potential and it was actually comical how frustrated the teachers get when it came to her and how she could go places if she just applied herself

she wanted to tell them that the last thing she wanted was to deal with schoolwork when they barely have food on the table because her parents spent all their money on their next heroin hit

she worked at the stables owned by a filipino couple for some extra money and her love for horses just grew like she adores the animals, loves just how majestic and free they are, and she sometimes sleeps over at that stable just because she doesn’t wanna go home to her house

the filipino couple lets her ride a mare that nina has pretty much come to think of as her own and they urged her to try and become a professional equestrian but nina didn’t have it in her to stay there in that tiny, tiny town and stick close to her family when all she wanted to do was leave

which was exactly what she did as soon as she graduated high school. she packed up her stuff, went with a friend to new york and that’s where she’s been the past couple of years

there was this weird limbo of time after graduating high school and before starting college that was just her working her butt off to save up enough to allow her to go to college and learning to play the piano because she wanted to actually be good at something other than riding (which she misses terribly)

during her first semester, she ended up meeting this cop who she ended up falling in love with and inspired her to shift her course to criminal justice which was a good move tbh because she’s always been a lover of mystery and murder documentaries (not like her parents were alarmed or anything since they never really cared about her existence except to complain or get angry about)

she got her degree, ended up marrying her cop boyfriend and then proceeded to work in new york as a private investigator once she passed the state exam to get her license, though she and her husband worked in different precincts

they had a pretty good marriage for awhile but she noticed when she was in her late twenties that her husband kept wanting them to have babies. at first, it was just questions here and there whether she’d want to -- the answer was always ‘not now’ -- until eventually he started demanding it from her which caused such a rift between them

nina wanted to focus on her career because she absolutely loved her profession and she definitely wasn’t ready to settle down and be a mom, especially when she has no idea if she’d actually be a good one since she never had a good example of on in her life

the final straw came when she received a job opportunity to work in charming two years ago and her husband FORBADE it. according to him, she wasn’t ALLOWED to go since they already had a great life in new york. he didn’t understand why she’d give that up to work in a small town on the other side of the country.

it was then that nina realized just how suffocated she was under all his demands -- wanting her to be the perfect wife for him, wanting him to have his children and she usually ended up tiptoeing around the issues and the fights until he’d calm down but not this time. she WANTED to go to charming and actually make a name for herself, and the more he said that she couldn’t, the more she wanted to, the more she fought on him about how it was her life and she had every right to choose what to do with it

they ended up divorcing right before she moved to charming two years ago for such a fresh start since she didn’t know anybody AT ALL

personality & extra!!

she................. loves books more than she loves people. bonus points if it’s a mystery novel because she always tries to solve it before she reaches the end

LITERALLY has a large af corkboard in her room, red string and all because she..... is that person when it comes to her cases omg

she’s part of a ragtag group of people who call themselves a band who performs at bars here in charming every other weekend for free beer. they know they have 0 chances of actually making it big but that’s totally fine with her since it’s more of a hobby anyway. she’s the pianist and back up vocals!!

she and her ex-husband do not talk. like at all. looking back, she doesn’t understand how she let that marriage go for as long as she did and why she allowed him to think it was okay to pressure her into having kids when she had said from the start that she didn’t really have any intentions of becoming a mother

she’s never done drugs and she has no plan to. she looks down on the gang solely because she doesn’t understand how they can sleep well at night knowing they’re getting richer by ruining other people’s lives through those drugs. she understands that the drugs were what killed her father and ruined any chance her parents had at becoming good parents so she tends to stay as far away from them as possible

her only vice is alcohol (but she rarely gets drunk because she doesn’t like how much it reminds her of how her parents were like when they were drunk) and smoking which she does when she’s stressed (which, depending on the case she’s working on, might be all the time)

her life is pretty much like a french movie - lots of smoking, lots of kissing, lots of staring off into the distance, tinged in like this weird gray color

she just !!! tries to keep herself composed and classy because the years of being called trailer trash are long gone now and those years of being called that just made her want to become a better person and she’s SO PROUD OF HERSELF for working her ass off so she could get to where she is now

that also means that she doesn’t really talk about her past a lot because she’s ashamed of being tied into that kind of lifestyle. when you ask her about her family, she’ll only talk to you about her siblings and that’s pretty much it. even the people she’s close to, she only mentions her parents in like.... VERY RARE moments of vulnerability and then she’s quick to change the subject because she....... doesn’t want to dwell on any of it. she’s very closed off in that sense and is an expert in deflecting conversation so that it like veers towards you and she’ll very happily listen instead

she talks to her sister a lot because she stayed behind in their tiny town because she 1. doesn’t want to leave and 2. actually likes looking out for their mom who somehow managed to stay clean when nina had already been in new york for a couple of years.

up to this day, she has never spoken to her mom. never even invited her to her wedding (though it was just in the courthouse but then was also just like a really tiny get together with a couple of their friends) and she just doesn’t believe she’s actually clean. she doesn’t know how to pair the image of a ‘good mom’ to the mom that she had growing up

(also *cue eleanor shellstrop moment* where she’s like hella bitter that she changed when it was just her sister there which meant that either she hadn’t been ready to change then when nina still wanted a mom or just never actually believed nina was good enough to be changed for)

is a pretty decent cook lbr but she loves pasta and pizza more than anything even tho she knows they’re not healthy

she just has this love for like art in every form, like she already shows her love for music by being in that band but she also paints sometimes but she can’t sketch to save her life like she’s just always wanting to try new things because like she’s really digging the fact that she CAN now. she has the absolute freedom to do whatever it is that she wanted and that’s so LIBERATING

literally has a horse tattoo on her side because she just ADORES them and it looks like this

she highkey volunteers at the stables here in charming too just because she wants to keep being around them, sometimes still rides here and there

she’s also like fairly moody but i think it would just be hard to tell because she’s fairly expressionless most of the time (or tries to be)

100000% bi

can be hella calculating tbh but don’t let that offend you because she’s like VERY into mysteries so if she thinks you’re one, that means she’s very intrigued by you!!

she tries very hard not to be flaky but it’s hard when she doesn’t want to be around people most of the time BUT will do her best to be there for her friends because she adores them all so much

some connections for her!!

her first friend in charming!

ride or die!!!

a drunken hookup/mistake (like i mentioned that she doesn’t drink until she’s drunk plus she doesn’t sleep around all that much either so she highkey would have considered what they did a mistake omg)

a hookup that was not a drunken mistake omg (but like i said, she doesn’t sleep around a lot so imma just limit this to like... 2)

enemies (probably in the gang lbr)

unexpected friendships!!!

opposites attract!!! someone who could be so extroverted and would help her get out of her (self-made) shell just a little

maybe someone she dated when she first got here but it didn’t work out for some reason?

people in the band!! (gonna send a wc for this to the main)

someone involved in a case at one point or maybe paid her to find something out for them !!!!!

fellow book NERDS

horse people RIDE UP (i was gonna say rise up but somehow....... this works)

people she works with!!!

neighbors!!!

someone who might be friends/related to her ex-husband (who will stay an NPC)

people she knew back in new york

literally just come at me if you have ideas because i’m pretty sure i’ll be 10000% up for them

#this..................became really long im so sorry sfdkgbjfsdg #charming.intro #drugs tw #abuse tw

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cupofsorrows · 5 years

Text

A Conceptual Post About Pokémon as D&D Monsters

I know, I know, it’s been done before, but I’ve been having a lot of ideas about D&D lately and it occurred to me that it might be fun to try to adapt Pokemon to the standard dnd setting(s) - that is, not just copying them wholesale as in, “you open the dungeon door and see a pikachu” but taking the concept of the creature and placing it in your world as something that genuinely belonged there. Like, say, You confront your party with a large turtle-monster that sprays high-powered water jets as its primary mode of attack. It’s essentially a blastoise, but that isn’t what it’s called and it doesn’t necessarily have to follow the rules that an actual blastoise would in the pokemon games. I’ve seen pokemon stat block writeups before, but they’re usually pretty straightforward “this is a psyduck” type deals, and what I’m interested in is retooling the monster to fit in a different world (while keeping the core of it intact). What’s it called (if it has a different name)? Where does it come from in your world, and where does it live? If the original had evolutions, does this version? Lots of potential there. To that end, here are a few pokemon that I think have particularly interesting concepts:

Phantump: Honestly all of the ghost pokemon have interesting concepts but I didn’t want to have a disproportionate number of ghost-types so I chose this one. Core concept is a furtive little forest spirit that uses old tree stumps (or perhaps fallen logs) as surrogate bodies/protective shells. Canon lore says they’re supposedly the spirits of children who died in the forest, so take or leave that as you please. Now, none of these suggestions have to look exactly like their inspirations as long as they convey the idea - for instance I sort of imagine these guys as little humanoid figures made of gnarled wood, which also gives me distinct skull-kid-from-LoZ vibes (but maybe that should be a separate post...)

Heliolisk: I don’t really know what drew me to this critter in particular, except that ‘solar-powered lizard that can shoot electricity and stuff’ is just a good creature to put in a made-up world (probably in a desert region). It even has “-lisk” in its name, like the more infamous basilisk, so it already sounds like it SHOULD be a mythical creature. As I’m writing this I realize that it strongly resembles the already-in-dnd shocker lizard, but come on, this thing is way more badass. Also I was just reading about it on Bulbapedia and apparently it can run super-fast? so... that’s in there, too.

Snorlax or Slaking: Look I just like the concept of a big hairy beast that’s super strong but spends almost all of its time asleep. Not even sure that would affect its stats but it’s great flavor.

Zygarde: A host of tiny organisms - maybe even single-celled - which can come together to form larger gestalt creatures (most famously a massive serpent/worm, but even more powerful forms may be possible). Should be a very powerful, possibly unique, individual, since it is a legendary pokemon.

Dhelmise: Sentient algae that uses marine detritus as a ‘skeleton’? The ghost type delivers again! I imagine that before humans were responsible for so much stuff being in the ocean these must have used a lot of animal bones (and maybe some driftwood) instead.

Seismitoad: I think there are already frog monsters with sonic attacks, but that was only half of the appeal for me here, the other half being ‘large bipedal frog’. I hold this as being very different from bullywugs, grippli, or any other amphibian-based humanoids: While froglike, those are all still fundamentally types of people, whereas this beast is first and foremost a frog. A frog that walks upright and has opposable thumbs. This also works with poliwhirl/poliwrath and croagunk/toxicroak, but then the sonic/vibration stuff won this one out for me by a slim margin. (Addendum: I have come to the realization that seismitoad and croagunk don’t actually have opposable thumbs according to their artwork. Whatever, just fudge it.)

Tropius: This one’s just plain weird. Like, almost exeggcutor-level weird (dang, maybe I should have chosen exeggcutor instead. But tropius is less famously weird. Side note: what’s up with pokemon based on palmlike plants?) It’s part small sauropod dinosaur, part banana tree, and while I’m not sure whether it should be classified as a plant or not, I do know that it can definitely fly. Also, it produces delicious fruit you can eat!

Parasect: You probably figured I was going to mention this one. Everyone thinks of paras and parasect when they think of pokemon with weird but cool concepts. MY take is that the fungus could infest different types of giant vermin, perhaps making it the basis for a template. Or not; these are just suggestions. Do whatever.

Larvesta and Volcarona: Maybe I’m just on a kick from all the GKOTM fanart I’ve been seeing, but giant fire-spitting caterpillar + giant fiery moth adult seems like a creature idea worth exploring. Larvesta also takes longer to evolve than any other stage-one pokemon, which I see as representing a long time spent in larval form (or pupated), which in turn resembles kaiju’s long periods of ‘dormancy’, bringing us back to Mothra (as all things must). Also, I think larvesta/volcarona are the only bug/fire types in the whole series so far? That’s nuts to me but it just makes them even more special.

Abra: Honestly the way this guy looks is like 90% of the appeal for me here. Abra looks like an armadillo tried to evolve into a monkey and somehow ended up with psychic powers in the process. It levitates and teleports, and according to the lore it’s usually asleep but thanks to its psychic powers is still aware of its surroundings. That’s right, its eyes aren’t really narrow, they’re just closed all the time. Do any images of abra with its eyes open exist? If they do, are we prepared to see them? As always, don’t feel like you have to give any of these guys evolved forms just because they evolve in the games. I’m definitely not saying this here specifically because I like abra’s design more than its evolutions, no sir.

Pinsir or Heracross: Pretty much the same as with the toads a few entries above. Clearly not people, but just vaguely reminiscent enough to maybe be just a little unsettling. C’mon, I know they’re cute in the games and the show but tell me you wouldn’t be at least slightly perturbed if you saw a real-life beetle the size of a 10-year-old trundling around on two legs. Even if you thought it was rad as hell you’d still get out of there pretty quick if it started trundling towards you.

Slowpoke: Listen if you don’t get the appeal of a semi-aquatic, ambiguously mammalian quadruped that has psychic capabilities but is also comically oblivious to external stimuli then I just don’t know what to tell you.

Barbaracle: Colonial organism sort of like Zygarde, except the individual parts are bigger. It could even be modular, with the various ‘limbs’ combining in different ways, although that could also complicate the stat block.

Gothitelle: Conceptually I suppose this is just another humanoid psychic creature, but a while ago I saw someone point out how its frills and whatnot are sort of reminiscent of a sea slug, and damned if ‘anthropomorphic nudibranch’ doesn’t get my blood flowing.

Rapidash: Pretty simple, a unicorn variant/non-evil fire horse. Who wouldn’t want one of those?

Necrozma: I never actually played Sun and Moon 2, nor did I get too deep into the postgame ultra beast stuff in SuMo 1, so regrettably I missed out on a lot of the wonderful interdimensional weirdness. While each ultra beast is appealing in its own way, Necrozma is practically a Lovecraftian Great Old One already what with how it was once an interstellar being of heat and light but was somehow injured or depleted and has now become a completely different creature that travels from world to world absorbing all light. That’s a pretty raw concept for any story, let alone a cute kid’s game. And it’s always a plus when something can be cool and threatening while still being safe for a G rating! You could also do what SuMo2 did and take your heroes to a world that’s already had its light stolen by the beast, to explore how the inhabitants of that world have been affected as well as show what awaits the heroes’ world... or just as a nice change of scenery. Lastly there’s the possibility that Necrozma must ultimately be defeated not through violence, but by figuring out how to restore it to its original form. It isn’t too often that the cosmic monstrosity could actually use your help, and it might leave the PCs feeling like they really accomplished something epic. Alternately, it returning to its original form also makes a great homage to the multiple forms of every JRPG final boss ever, a trope that has been under-represented in D&D for TOO LONG.

...and that’s it, at least for now. Naturally, there are about a thousand other possibilities, including different ways of interpreting the examples I’ve provided here. I suppose they could also be used for purposes besides D&D, although if you’re going to put any of this in the fantasy novel you’ve been working on I suggest you be extra diligent in obfuscating the creatures’ actual origins so as to avoid a visit from any lawyers. I don’t know if anybody is actually even going to see this post at all, but if it does end up getting around, then I fully encourage all of you to put your own spins on this if you’re inspired to do so! I’d love to see what other people might come up with.

#pokemon #dnd #d&d #creature design #monsters

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dirtreally · 5 years

Note

top 5 manga/doujins

okay i spent a lot of time thinking about this and i don’t think i can really rank them in any significant way other than the order that they popped into my head after reading this and hopefully that will speak for itself

1. Fukaboku

its fuckiiiiiiiiin fukaboku babeyyyyyyyy!!!! the first chapter of this dropped a couple of months after i began understanding myself as nb and it just continued to kill it for like 8-ish chapters afterwards, during which i ended up finding the courage to actually think of myself as an nb person rather than [assigned gender]. i feel really weird about putting this as #1 cuz as the months go on, it’s becoming increasingly clear that what i want from fukaboku and what it wants to do with its premise are gonna become harder and harder to resolve with each other, but it’ll always have a special hold over me cuz it was the #1 thing i was looking forward to reading every day for like 6-ish months www

2. My story of being loved

yeah this kinda sucks. i reread it just now and one of the dramatic plot twists actually made me burst out laughing. but there’s something really sincere and sweet about it?? i don’t like reading into works in this way but it really does feel like the author just wrote this to communicate something to a specific type of person in the most blunt way possible aka a thinly-veiled author insert character who spends most of the oneshot reacting to the other girl. i think a lot of why i like this one so much is cuz even all of its’ weird writing decisions feel like the manga tripping over its own balls because it’s so excited to sell you this specific story

3. Her Pet

this one’s a little rough because while it’s not overtly horny about its high school-aged cast there’s definitely a lot of horny undertones to it and i dont want to eat my own ass for her pet because its absolutely written and marketed with that in mind but it’s also the only story about bullying that i’ve ever actually connected to specifically because of this, because of how it shows how bullying fucks up your ideas of romance, intimacy, and sexuality, because of how it showed a character who got abused for so long that she was unable to create an intimate relationship with an entirely different person without recreating aspects of that abuse, because of how even the happy ending where she gets over all of this has her relapse into this sort of thinking (its played off as kind of a joke but it still sticks out in my mind a lot because MAN). it’s genuinely a really dense piece of work, narratively, but it’s really worth it and imo it’s one of the best manga/comic/manhwa out there about abuse because even though it’s steeped in melodrama all of the neat narrative choices about the aftereffects of gayoon’s shitty school life bleed into the text in a bunch of really subtle ways? there’s definitely some narrative tension into Wanting To Do A Melodrama With A Whacky Slightly Horny Marketable Hook and Wanting To Be Tasteful And Frank About It(which, to its credit, is the one that wins out most of the time) but it gets resolved really well by the time the whole thing ends off.

4. Girl’s last tour

If girl’s last tour didn’t exist i absolutely wouldn’t be doing art right now. I spent 2 years feeling extremely exhausted with contemporary pop art (both in anime/manga and broader pop culture) and images in general because i felt like i was looking at the same images repeated ad infinitum reduced into the barest of shapes like some night in the woods type thing. artistically, girl’s last tour felt like the one thing that actually understood what i was going through. reading the manga, yuuri and chiito are both drawn as these vague shapes that are definitely meant to be people but feel like they are animated by the wind rather than by like, muscles, or something. their shapes bleed into each other, and into their surroundings, and it feels like if you poked a spoon into any page of the manga you could stir it around and see these shapes swirl into each other before slowly becoming even more indecipherable. even the architecture feels vague, meant to give off the IMPRESSION of a building/monolith in such a way that it sometimes feels like the drawings are barely holding themselves together. like if you looked at a road too hard it would break in half. this is a really hard thing to communicate but i hope that you get what i am saying. the art of GLT felt like it embodied the same feeling i had for years at that point, where i felt like my lineart was barely holding myself together, and if i let my guard down for a second i would spill into the floors and drains of the buildings around me and only be able to exist by being acted upon. with that in mind, it was absolutely lifechanging that the actual narrative content of glt is about two people who are alienated from their environment in every meaningful way and no doubt have the same variety of brain shit i do, but are still able to find happiness even just by being alive. There’s a longer version of this part where i go on to talk about what the narrative actually does and the larger tkmiz mythos surrounding it, and how THAT became it’s own obsession that used to be an extension of my love for glt but now exists as the main thing and w glt as an extension of THAT. but this is maybe getting too long and i think you probably get the idea now. i know this is a lot coming from someone who only does one okay art thing every other month but like even though it makes me feel like shit 90% of the time drawing stuff is the one part of my life i feel like i actually have some Ws in, and without glt and without tkmiz’s larger work in general, i wouldn’t even have that much going on

5. vector spectacle

to be honest, vector spectacle isn’t nearly my favourite touhou doujin(at chirei no contest), but it feels so special just because of how unlike anything else i’ve read it is. There’s so much energy in the pages, it’s basically a pop-up book. i can feel the almost nauseating, manic, energy bouncing from page to page, that itself feels directed at nothing and everything all at once; at whatever point in time this was drawn, wherever in the world it was drawn, the person who drew this felt this exact emotion

#wickedhermit

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thehivemindwrites · 5 years

Text

A Series of Disconnected Thoughts, Cast into the Void in No Particular Order

1. I’ve been finding myself thinking more and more about Kill Six Billion Demons recently. Not just because it’s absolutely gorgeous artwork and Moebius-meets-prog-metal stylings are extremely my shit (KSBD is responsible for adding Gojira to my rotation of workout music, and that alone has me in its debt), but because I can really appreciate a main character who is a walking disaster coming to some kind of enlightenment through a combination of getting her ass handed to her repeatedly, making questionable decisions, and basically just deciding to struggle forwards because I don’t know, what the fuck else is there to do? It’s hardly original (see: basically any shounen about The Power of Friendship and Not Giving Up) but damn if the presentation of it in this particular case isn’t particularly delightful. Plus it gave us the image of a giant hulking demon wearing a jacket that says KILL BOSS and that’s rad.The creator of KSBD is also co-creator, as it happens, of the newly released Lancer TTRPG, which I backed on Kickstarter and will, one day, get a rad fucking hardcover copy of (but for now I’m reading through the pdf and swearing oaths that one day I will play it). Anyway, as someone who also got where he is through a series of questionable decisions and getting his ass handed to him by life in general (oh, and an enormous amount of luck), I can relate. Plus the phrase “Reach heaven through violence,” while kind of terrible on the surface, feels good to shout at yourself while you’re off for a run.

2. Part of this whole exercise thing - a side-effect of it, if you wanna call it that - is that generally I feel better about myself like in general. I’ve mentioned that before. What it doesn’t do, of course, is magically mean that I’m now 100% good and not still dogged by a persistent sense of self-loathing that I’ve just had to accept will never really go away. Like for example: I’ve lost 35 kg since starting this whole gym thing, except you might remember the goal was 40. I still haven’t hit that goal, and frankly I’ve spent the last like three months bouncing around the same like, 3 kg zone because I’ve been traveling a lot and that basically fucks up my workout and eating routine. It’s frustrating, and it sure does let the part of me that knows deep down that I’m a fat fucker and always will be no matter what I do run wild from time to time. Which is, I’m coming to understand, just gonna always be there. This stuff doesn’t go away! Ever!

Which doesn’t mean it’s right, even a little. You tune it out and throw yourself into battle with it over and over again. You get bloodied and broken and claw back and then you get bloodied and broken some more. Insert that gif from Princess Bride of Westly saying LIFE IS PAIN, HIGHNESS here. Thing is, there’s something about the struggle that’s nice. I am not sure how motivated I’d be to do anything if part of it wasn’t motivated by the desire to prove my dumb brain wrong about, uh, me. If I wasn’t fighting the various little demons that plague me every so often, I doubt I’d be so well-adjusted. I certainly wouldn’t be mentally healthy. None of this makes sense as I read it back, of course - it sounds like I’m saying “boy it’s nice to be miserable,” which isn’t true. Being miserable sucks shit! I don’t recommend it! But it is nice to see misery coming and punch it in the face (metaphorically speaking). Sometimes I think the thing that makes me go to the gym and work so hard (this sounds like I’m bragging, but I can assure you I’m not - “work so hard” means “not collapse and fall off the elliptical after five minutes because oh god I don’t want to be here”) is out of some desire for self-annihilation through pushing myself past my physical limits. Reach heaven through violence (see, I told you it sounded cool).

3. The world has gotten really fucking bad for a lot of people, and I don’t know that it will get better for them any time soon. In fact, given the latest talk from the ol’ UN Climate Change report, it’s gonna get even worse. I would very much prefer that were not the case! It’s motivation enough to get out and vote and shit, at least for me - and as someone who is, you know, ridiculously privileged, that’s the absolute least I can do. Which is why I try to do more, mostly involving donating money to causes that seem like they’re able to cause the sort of trouble that needs to be caused. Or just use expertise to protect the people I don’t know how to protect, because I’m a lot of things, and one of them happens to be smart enough to know that I don’t know shit. So I make sure people that do know shit have the money they need. Pretty straightforward, I think.

The other thing I try to do, because giving money isn’t really something I think about much at all (I’m stupidly fucking fortunate to have a job that pays well, remember), is occasionally go out and actually be present at protests and the like - there are a lot of climate protests and they’re all a good time. Occasionally it’s worth overcoming one’s intense social anxiety to do so. Lord knows it’s significantly less of a risk for me to be out shouting at cops than most.

4. She-Ra might be one of the best shows out there. There’s something nice about a show that both does and does not present a simple world. Yes, the Horde is bad. Like, objectively bad! They do a lot of looting and subjugating and are generally just deeply not chill people.On the other hand, the people who make up the Horde are still people, and I have a lot of time for a show that can manage to humanize its Big Bad Villain whilst still making it very clear they are still, you know, not good. It’s messy, and complicated, and sad, because sometimes you have to fight people you used to be friends with! Sometimes you have to make the call that hey, we can’t be friends anymore, because I can’t support the things you’re doing anymore. I’ve made that call before - I bet everyone has, at some point (if you haven’t, I’m sure you’ll have to eventually). Fortunately for me, it’s never been that difficult of a choice, if only because the people I had to go against weren’t people I’d known for very long.

Anyway, that’s part of it - you gotta just cut people out sometimes. There’s more to it though, because the other thing the show believes is that everyone - even the real shitty people - can change. It doesn’t mean everything’s forgiven, and it doesn’t erase all the bad shit, but they can still change. It’s worth changing, even if it isn’t a cure-all.

So yeah, I like She-Ra a lot. It’s also just well-written, and funny, and it’s a real good time to see a bunch of diverse characters running around having adventures and being fuckin’ rad. Plus, they’ve shown an incredible willingness to completely change the stakes from season to season - the end of season four in particular is the equivalent of detonating all the things you thought were important. It pulls a bait and switch so ruthless that I might have applauded if I wasn’t so self-conscious about making noise that my neighbors might hear. The combination of season 3 and 4 was a masterclass on raising the stakes and then explaining that actually, you were playing for stakes even higher than you could’ve thought possible. Oh, and the people you thought you could trust were just using you, and hey, what if we got rid of the thing that you’ve more or less defined yourself by for the entire show? Good luck in season five, motherfucker! I’m a fan, is what I’m saying.

6. Work on Vanquisher 2103 continues apace. I mentioned this before, but we’re doing a once-a-month schedule while the holidays and work beat my ass into the ground, and as it turns out I really enjoy taking a full month to write a chapter. It’s a comically slow pace, but it’s working for me and hopefully the fact that the chapters have tended to be a little longer (and allowed me to expand on ideas a little more, and do a little more research here and there) makes it worth the longer wait. I’d like this thing to be good! There’s a part of my brain, again, that will always insist that nobody reads this and it’s bad and I’m fucking up, constantly - that point, at least, is probably accurate. I am writing characters who in theory have life experiences that are very much Not Mine, which involves a lot of reading things from people who would know better than I do. It’s nerve-wracking, and the only thing I am bone-deep certain of is that I’ll fuck up and hopefully y’all will forgive me for fucking up when that happens. I’ll keep reading and refining and eventually maybe it’ll be okay. Hopefully, anyway.

7. I went to Ireland and guys, Ireland is bullshit. I am offended by its gorgeous cliff-sides and open grasslands and heart-rending beauty. The immense friendliness of the people I met and the fact that you can’t sit in a pub without hearing some dude play a jaunty reel on a tin whistle or accordion or something is a personal insult. I was Arthur Dent angrily demanding to know why this bloody fish is so good the whole time.

I cultivated an immense drinking habit while there. I was also approached by a random German tourist who somehow clocked that I could speak German and we shouted about socialism for an hour auf Deutsch. I met some woman from Louisiana and we ended up having drinks a couple nights in a row to talk about traveling in general and Germany in particular, because her ex-husband is German. There were some Swedish retirees who were both very pleased by their country’s social safety net and also depressingly sour about the fact that refugees got cheap dental care - we might have had some harsh words exchanged before more drinks helped smooth over our frank discussion of differing viewpoints. I had to explain American health care to some people from the UK who were surprisingly gung-ho about the idea of privatized medicine until they talked to me (one of them talked about how the UK used to be an Empire and could be again in such a way that made me want to throw things. We did not talk for very long because I couldn’t fuckin’ handle it). These were strangers that I willingly engaged, because I was having an adventure, and I guarantee none of this would have happened if I hadn’t been going to the gym and committed to the idea of proving the voice in my head that tells me I’m an awkward mess that nobody would ever want to talk to in their life wrong (also, let’s be honest, if I hadn’t had several pints of cider at the time).

By the end of the trip if I heard one more pub singer’s version of Whisky in the Jar though, that I was gonna produce my pistol and fucking shoot myself in the head.

Go to Ireland if you can. If you live there, fuck you how dare you live somewhere that rad.

8. I didn’t have an eighth thing but I’m committed to this “each thing is numbered” bit which means that even the end of this thing has to follow the trope. This is the end of the post where I say “okay bye I’ll be back the next time I get the urge to throw a bunch of highly unpolished ideas out.”

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artdjgblog · 4 years

Photo

Innerview: Effie Lin / DPI Magazine (Taiwan)

November 2009 - January 2010

Photo: DJG (2009) by Cayla Kennedy (Age 5)

Note: Interview for a magazine feature.

01) What is your philosophy in your art world? I have to be a human first and a maker of things second. Sometimes the two court together really well. Sometimes they pick fights and choose sides. I sort of have a get up and go method and plan to always be working on my life and work, and to my best ability, given the resources at hand. It’s not that I have a complete lack of care, responsibility or feel disenfranchised or on the outskirts. Though, I do have my moments. Even in bad moments, when it’s probably not a good idea for me to be around me, I try to eventually spin a positive from that experience. They can be the most crucial moments as I learn a great deal once I get beyond their borders. I think that’s part of the process. Process is a big deal and we’re all a part of it. And there is such a thing as bad process equaling a positive in life and work. All I know is that I need to be honest and pure with how I speak inside and outside of the work I am putting on and off the table. Anyway, I’m not really a grouch or a slouch in both areas of life and art, but it is a constant work in progress. I think that thinking too much about it, or the idea of it in the larger spectrum, can become damaging, unhealthy and grow bean stocks further from the truth. Though, I might add that I understand how hard it can be to keep from big ideas and big thinking, it is. I like where it is that I’m at right now and it all stacks up to here. I just need to be making things until I move on to something else. And that something else will probably involve making things too. I love what I do. There is a bigger component to the little pictures that I’m here presenting. I just need to keep up and in the know of the tip toes and perhaps leave some behind in the only way I can try, that means being something like me. 02) What is your favorite medium and why? I feel that maintaining and manhandling a single medium would be quite overwhelming. I admire those that can do it, and do it skillfully. Not that I’m a special breed, but I don’t understand how some people can milk the same cow every day, for years. Every day is a little different inside and out and that fuels my mood of operation. I think that I suppose there is a definition when one looks at the work I’m doing, and the way I go about it, to easily pin me to a favorite medium. I like to use my hands and things around me to tell my stories. But, I don’t know much other than the day-to-day as my mind and energy wanders much on the map. I wake up and see what weather we’ve got. I believe much of it comes from growing up on a farm and spending a lot of time alone. A lot of people think that time is at a stand-still on the country clock. It wasn’t for me as there wasn’t really a cap on the kind of external culture and entertainment I could in-take and fuse with country living inside and out. Everything was a big pot of soup for me and it still is. I was always doing something and I still am. I also watched my Grandma make a lot of things by hand, and although not really an “artist”, she’s been a big influence on the work I’m doing. Another thing, I can’t be as involved with my work when there is a computer screen barrier involved. I can use a computer, but it is only like a nail gun to me. In my college studies while struggling with the introductory marriage of technology and design, I almost quit completely. Funny, before even getting on a computer I naively claimed to tech-savvy peers, “I am going to take the route that doesn’t employ computers.” Anyway, computers are cool and all but it is not how I like to really play. It didn’t help that around this time in my early 20s, I also had doubts about my artistic talent and identity. I also never felt comfortable visiting the design firms of my possible “future”. Some people find a home in them, but I couldn’t and wanted to be in a sense, a stay at home mother to my art. So, these factors led me to re-learn and go back to being a kid locked up inside and/or getting that kid to come back out…becoming an adult can be crippling. I started putting my identity back in the work at this time by leaving my human elements and story behind. I was also exposed to new kinds of external stimulus with art and culture and that helped me see things better too. I eventually had a calling to do my own thing completely, dropped out of school, moved to a big city and mixed it all together. Cities are big cooking pots anyway. But, on a personal level, I’m not done cooking yet. I’m kind of “mild” right now compared to most. I’m just one more guy carving a name on the cinder block and trying to pay the bills. 03) Could you talk about the exhibition post of “Showing My Sheep”? Could you talk about your creating concept? I was born and raised on a farm. We raised sheep and showed sheep at county fairs. I used to have a basketball court shared with the sheep lot. As a youngster I spent some time wanting to be a farmer and in many ways now I kind of am. I’d like to live on a farm again someday, mostly for quiet space, to have more animals and to have a big barn I can work in. I did my first retrospective art exhibition called “Showing My Sheep” after five years of working on my art odyssey. Yeah, that’s not a long time for a life or career overview, but it was important for me to show my whole flock of work together like that and up to that point. And in truth, a 5 year old sheep is middle age. The image on the exhibition poster is a quick scribble of me (or something like me) in sheep’s carcass/dress. I’ve always wondered silly about sheep walking upright and maybe a bit of my love of Gary Larson “The Far Side” comics is shining through just a bit too? But, there is more to this one as it is a tribute to my upbringing as it represents my sheepish nature and approach mixed with the “wolf in dress” image that I think we all catch and can’t catch up with, at least every now and again (notice the front legs and how they are also a wolf snout?). Another idea in this sheep image is how zombie-like an artist, anyone for that matter, slaves to their nature. I rummage a lot of thrift shops for unique papers and board game “play cards” to print on. Paper can add another dimension to something like a poster, in this case adding to the idea of the game of life and art I play. The board game this paper came from is called “Facts in Five: The Game of Knowledge”, thus adding to all the pieces of art and life that added up to the making of my 5 year retrospective. There is also the handwriting element of an anonymous other’s involvement that I find fascinating. Plus, there is the “grid” pattern that reflects a panel fence to keep the sheep in and out…breaking fences, doing my own thing, so to speak. If you squint you might even see sheep pellets, or what I used to refer to as M&M’s, as they would make for an interesting game of basketball. Did you get all that? There are lots going on in this one. Almost another 5 years after that exhibition and I wonder if I’m nearing the end…hmmm. You never know. 04) Which one of your work is your favorite? Or which one made you spend the most time and effort? What’s message you would like to convey through this work?? Favorite Work: My favorite piece of personal art was stolen at an exhibition in late 2004. It is the only thing of mine that wasn’t/isn’t documented (scanned, photographed) and I can’t recreate it. It is a simple little broken pen scribble drawing of a mentally handicapped water bison. His name is Mortimer. I made him in a couple minutes while on hold on the phone with the phone company. I busted a pen and let the ink spill. I’ve tried other drawings like it, but they turn out different. I have a lot of favorite works, but that one is the winner and loser. Time & Effort: I don’t think you really need “time” or “effort” to make something stick or feel, or even get something done. In fact, once I’m in the creative moment there is no such thing as “time” and “effort”. If you do something enough and love it, then it becomes another extension and you’re a paint brush for something bigger. Though, the words do become tangible when “life” stuff is thrown into the mix. This can’t be denied. Due to my so far 8 year schedule of day jobs, night jobs, marriage and the general day-to-day, I’ve always worked fairly fast and in small slots of time and many things at once, lots of things. It’s as much mental and military discipline as it is anything else and I just go for it. If it ever starts to feel like a chore, I try to take a short break or study up in other areas. If it ever becomes a chore out of my grasp, I’ll find something else to do completely. It can be struggling at times, but there is something good about the “life” stuff that I feed from. It can add fuel to the fire and makes me realize that I’m not always first in line. Sometimes it can be rough sitting on my hands while at the day job, but I’ll make up for it. In truth, there are never enough resources for the things I’d like to leave behind before I’m called quits. But, I sure try to make the best of “time” and “effort” while I’m here. I’ve made many posters and I love the fact that the poster has a shorter shelf live than something like the CD. I like experimenting with posters because if it gets swatted down, it only lived for a couple weeks and another will come along. They are kind of like flies. At three to five sessions, I try to court CD packages a lot longer. There are instances when an image instantly clicks in my mind when I’m told of an upcoming CD and that’s the final product, but most of the time I have to make them incubate and mature. I’ve always been fascinated with productivity and the human mind and mood, at least in my path. I often look at my timeline of work, wondering how different some of the things would have turned out had I did them on another day or even a minute later than I did them. The past few years, my music design output has shrunk some. I reached a certain point after 2006 to where I realized I needed to step back. I still do a few music projects here and there, but mostly just make a lot of visual art for myself. Which, I’ve always teetered on visual art. Maybe I’m trying to make up for Mortimer? I did start something different for me and in a medium that I’d love to pursue more. It wasn’t until this year (2009) that something really consumed me and that was a music video. It has been a great thing for me to be more patient with a project. Now, that’s a whole different extra innings of “time” and “effort”. 05) Which one of CD cover/album artwork is your favorite or make you really proud of? What is the concept? Could you talk about your creating process? Did you listening to the music when you working? I’ve been asked this question a lot. I always answer with: “Whatever Makes You Happy” by The Elevator Division. It’s something to feel proud when you accomplish anything, but even more when it is all done and duplicated by hand in one night. 250 CD packages were made out of hand-cut cardboard, spray paint, stencils, rubber stamps and glued inserts. The concept is a hand shooting off a missile finger. The music themes revolve around relationships on and off the battlefields of life and war and the cover image relays the idea of shooting off one’s options, as in, “Whatever Makes You Happy”. Conceptually (design-wise), it might be the best thing I’ve got in me and inspiration came at the last minute before production and during a great Midwest thunderstorm. Upon the last spray of paint in my basement (yes, I was stupid enough then to spray paint in an unventilated basement), there was a crack of lightning and I flew upstairs and out the door of my home and slid down the well-watered front lawn and into the gutter of the street with red spray paint all over me. The squatters on the porch at the supposed drug house across the street got a kick out it. It was a massive affair and I swore I wouldn’t do it again and then I did a near repeat 4 years later for another band, but not all in one night. I swore I wouldn’t do that again-again and then I kind of did it again two years later. So, I must be due up for another one soon. In the case of The Elevator Division, the band lived with me and practiced nearly every day directly outside my basement studio door at our home. There were several bands that this happened with. I usually don’t listen to albums that I’m designing very much and I rarely listen to them after they are a finished product. This is especially so when it is blasted in the flesh right next to me. 06) Why is sound/music important to our life? What is the most important for designing the album/CD cover? I’m not a fan of a lot of “noise”, but I like sound and I love music and I like some noise music. I love the idea and image of the album cover and making an album “feel” on the outside and giving it an identity. I find I have a detachment from the music and the memories when it is fused in our current in-between stage right now of technology and mp3 land. Even if they have a digital image shroud, they lack a hard identity to me as they float out in space and it makes me a little sad. I prefer a physical collection/body of music, with identity. I don’t want to get too far into this topic and I’ll add that both formats have their good and bad. And I love walking to and from work with a pocket overflowing with Bruce Springsteen songs (I have the records at home too). Along the same lines, I think that the idea of “cover art” or something physical isn’t going to die 100%, at least not in my lifetime. I do hope it doesn’t get even more eclectic-expensive like it kind of is looking. I love album art and I can’t really afford it. I just remember one of my earliest memories being the apple on records by The Beatles. That was/is important to me. I bit that apple and it has been good to me for 30 years now. 07) What had been the most challenging thing to you in art world, and how did you overcome it? I think I have challenges and things to overcome and then I tune into the news or watch certain documentary films. I realize there is nothing for me to complain about after that. Of course there are some personal issues that challenge me and my little world. A major one of is overcoming some of my social phobia. It’s made me who I am and probably factors to why I make the way I make, but it has kept me from getting in the ball game as much as I probably should have. Though, what is “probably should have”? Technology makes great networking devices, and is “the now”, but at the same time I always feel so exhausted and behind with it. I also don’t have resources to keep up with it (money, time and mind) but I’m trying bit by bit. Another thing I’ve always carried a heavy lump with is a day job. But, it’s the only way for me to stay afloat. Every year I spend more money than I make with art (currently, I have 24 cents in my DJG Pay Pal account). One way to overcome this is to stop entering high-cost art and design competitions, which was one way of being social with a lot of people. Well, from a global publishing stand point. Competition fees are rising so much these days. Another challenge is the business end of the art. I stink at business. Though, a lot of that has to do with not having enough time and not being the best at problem solving and math, plus always being broke. And I would rather just make more art. I’m a happy camper though and constantly doing my thing. 08) What are your future goals in the art world? Naturally, anyone who feels they’re sitting on something at home is going to set their sights on doing their own thing full-time and for full-time income. But, even if I never get there, I will be punching my own time card in some form or another. I’ll find peace. I’ll always be working on something and working on myself. I could easily keep my head down all day, dragging my wagon (and I kind of do), but I love the idea of sharing my work on a larger, global scale too. It is global on the internet, yet I easily butt heads with technology as it can get quite beastly. But, I appreciate it greatly as even a decade ago you probably wouldn’t have found out about me to get an interview like this. Thank you! I’ve met a lot of my initial goals and it’s easy to sit here and think about tomorrow but I need to work out today to make it there. I’d love to eventually put out an officially published book or lots of them (any bidders?). I plan to start with some handmade ones very soon. I’ll also finally be selling things on my web site soon. I’m currently working towards a 10 year retrospective show of my time in Kansas City, MO USA. I plan to show everything. Also, I will be working on more and more visual art in the coming year. I’d love to exhibit my physical work in more nooks and crannies of the world. I’ve been fortunate to do this a little bit, but nothing on a massive scale. I love the idea of ideas and imagery inspiring people. I also love the idea of relaying an interpretation of the world, while we’re all down here in this together. It’s kind of neat to think I’m leaving a little trail behind in this way and sharing that. Though, I’m not so confident art can change the world on a large platform, I do think it can help a little bit. Even if that means muscling up a smile that you can say was honestly spent. -djg

#innerviews

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astrophobia-space-blog · 7 years

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DevLog 10.27.17: To-Dos, and To-Dones

Astrophobia is a “neo-Lovecraftian space opera” comic book and audio drama series under development for an intended 2018 release.

Here’s some stuff I did on the project this last week.

Wrote Most Of The Astrophobia #1 Comic Script I’ve been having trouble putting pen to paper on this one... which is screwy, because I’ve got the story so tightly outlined that I know pretty much everything that happens on every page! But sometimes I have trouble getting started on the first issues of new projects, because I’m nervous about committing the wrong stuff to paper. In this case, it meant that I’d only managed to finish about a page or two a day this week — and on some days, not even that much.

Anyway, yesterday was a lovely day, and I tried working outdoors at a different coffeeshop than I’m used to.

I don’t know how much of it was the (awesome!) change of scenery, and how much of it was just me finally being “ready” to write the script. But suffice to say, I ended up writing ten pages. Only six pages left on the first draft!

Figured Out How To Make The #1 Story More “Lovecraftian” There’s certain elements people associate with “Lovecraftian” stories: “Madness,” impossible architecture, “things humanity was not meant to know” — and tentacles. But those are just surface elements. Trappings. And though I certainly want to play with all of those, I want to go deeper than that. To pull certain core elements out of HPL’s fiction that’ll make Astrophobia ring truer as something genuinely “Lovecraftian,” without being part of the Cthulhu Mythos, and without being a Lovecraft homage or pastiche.

One element that I can’t believe I hadn’t thought of before: A number of Lovecraft’s most prominent cosmic horror stories begin and end with the narrator reflecting on what’s happened to them, and the ramifications of what it means to be living in a universe where such things are possible. So I whipped up a test version of some text like that for the beginning of the Astrophobia #1 comic script:

Going to the stars was our biggest mistake.

It was bound to happen, someday. I mean... they're right there! Above us, every night! It was inevitable that, sooner or later, that we'd take that one giant leap. If for no other reason than because we could.

That was our sin, in the end. Not hubris, wrath, or any of the classic seven. Our sin was curiosity. It was built into us by... the ones who built us all.

And now all I can do is pray — to the caring gods that don't exist, and the uncaring "gods" that are way too real — that our species survives its own nature.

This is how it started.

(That’s the “test,” rough draft take on it. If I use something like it, it’ll be in a slimmed-down and spruced-up version.)

Figured Out How To Integrate The Comic & Audio Drama Story Elements Better One of the questions I’ve had as I work on this project is: What stories to tell in the comic, and what stories to tell in the AD? After a lot more thought and some talking to other AD people (see the next entry), I think I’m getting a better sense of what should be in both of them!

(Basically, the AD stories should be more character-focused, more intimate, and should involve aliens/monsters and such that would be hard to represent visually — or that are stronger if they’re just described verbally rather than shown.)

Figured Out More Story Stuff (For The Comic & Audio Drama) Including several new stories ideas (including a couple vaguely inspired by classic horror movies/scenarios), that may end up being in the comic series at some point. Also, firmed up some story plans for the AD.

Also: I’ve been having trouble figuring out which of my (many, many) story ideas to use, and what order to use them in. This week, I realized the obvious solution to that. For each set of stories (both comic and AD), I need to figure out what the overall plot or character arc that I’m focusing on is... and then select the story ideas that best fit that arc. Seems damn obvious now that I’ve thought of it. But it’s taken me literally months to realize it!

Came Up With Several Ideas For AD Music Ideas that I pitched to John (our musician) this week:

The music for different story elements could use consistent, different instrumentation for each element. For example: All the parts of the AD episodes that are about the human cast could use “traditional”-sounding instruments — while all the parts where they encounter aliens could also involve “weird” instruments (synths, weird effects, sampled noises, etc.) “The part of the xenomorph will be played by the bassoon.”

Maybe do short loops of music, like in a video game, more than longer “traditional” songs for the score? More modular, more “plug and play” than full-length songs?

There could be marches playing when the actor talks about the ship’s military crew and its mission. And there should be at least one dirge! And a death march!

Got Drinks With Some Audio Drama People It’s the Austin Film Fest this week, and they have a “Podcast Track.” So there’s some audio drama folks in from out of town. Had a nice, inspiring round of drinks with them at a shmancy, old-timey bar in downtown Austin last night!

(Got lunch with some comics people this week, too.)

Did Heaps Of Research; Found Heaps Of Visual Reference Research I did included: Rewatching Prometheus (what a stupid, stupid movie); listening to audiobook versions of Call of Cthulhu and At The Mountains of Madness; figuring out the specifics of the Alcubierre Drive (the actual hypothesized warp drive that scientists at NASA have been studying); and LOTS of Wikipedia-ing and time spent on Atomic Rockets.

Also: I’ve also collected a vastly larger quantity of visual reference and inspiration than I ever have on a project before. The majority of it, we’ll never end up using. But I think it’s going to come in handy. (Plus, Googling up visual reference is something I can still do when I’m braindead at the end of the workday, or even while I’m talking on the phone to people.) (...Yes, Dan Schkade, I may have been looking up concept art of “insectoid exoskeletons” while we were talking about your new story idea and Gross Pointe Blank on the phone yesterday...)

Here’s a few cool pieces of art that I found.

Whew! This is getting really long! Before I sign off, some stuff I need to do in the coming week. And some stuff that’s not a priority!

To-dos:

Finish the #1 script, and send it out to my “beta readers” for notes.

Firm up the secondary supporting cast/Orpheus crew. (The #1 script focuses on only three of the primary characters, with the other primaries just making cameo appearances, to be fleshed out in future issues. But since the Orpheus is a “closed system” — there’s only so many people on board, and that number’s just going to go down, not up! — it’s useful for me to get a good handle of all the prominent people onboard.)

Decide which stories to tell in the first “arc” of comics.

Decide which stories to tell in the first “arc” of the audio drama.

To-DON’TS (low priority but enticing stuff!)

Search for image ref when I should be doing something else.

Do a bunch of research about things that aren’t germane to my primary “to-dos.”

Come up with more weird aliens to tell stories about (this is a priority, but not a high one at the moment!).

If you actually read this far: Congratulations! Gold stars! :)

#DevLog #Astrophobia #Astrophobia Podcast #Astrophobia Comic Book #Lovecraft #Lovecraftian #podcast #audio drama #comic #comic book #horror #science fiction #space opera

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kierongillen · 7 years

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Writer Notes: The Wicked + the Divine #29

Spoilers, obv.

Weird issue this, for me.

We've been away for a few months, so this is the reintroduction. As I've said, the second half of Imperial Phase is more constricted in time than the first, so we've got to set all that up. And in terms of my “stuff to do” list, I obviously had a bunch. I also had a structure, which was putting the focus on Persephone and take her through her day (akin to 24). It's about that hangover, juxtaposing the realisation of Sakhmet's actions and the feeling of being sapped and wrecked and regretful.

(I'm writing this with a hangover, oddly, though it's the “last night was amazing!” sort of hangover, so not exactly right.)

Anyway – I have the story goals and the structural means and all that, and basically hit them. But I also didn't do something more than that, despite having plans for a Big Swing issue. I simply choked. I hit the point and just didn't want to write what I had planned. Not even “didn't want to”. Maybe “wasn't capable of putting myself through it.”

As such, even though the issue has gone down well – better than I would have thought – it nags at me. I suspect it was best for me not to do it, and may even show character growth on my part in choosing not to, but it's still mildly annoying. I suspect it'll be my least favourite issue of the arc... but that may have been true anyway. I am particularly fond of the rest of this arc.

Anyway – that ennui and reluctance fed into what the script ended up being: “I'm tired and I don't want to do this any more but what other choice is there?” is very much the mood and the point.

(Why has this gone down well? The character focus, I suspect. We've got 10 main characters, and all of them bar Baph (and arguably Woden) get meaningful scenes.)

Okay – remember back in issue 27 on Phased I talked about how I solved trying to fit all the information in by realising one sub-plot could be excised and then pushed later? That was the Sakhmet/Persephone relationship stuff from this issue and the rest of the arc. We obviously had some of it in 27, but it was the absolute minimum necessary for 28 to make sense and to establish their interactions. I realised the rest would be just as effective if it's stuff Persephone remembers, in terms of the ghosts of their past together. It integrated well with the themes of Waking Up The Night After And Thinking Back.

Jamie's Cover

Was mildly annoying that this was released online just before the last issue dropped, as the blood coated coat is something of a spoiler. But you end up shrugging, because “Sakhmet covered in blood” is very much her look anyway.

Jamie covered this one, due to Matt being away on well deserved holiday.

The breaking of the portrait is the theme for the second half of Imperial Phase, as those who've seen the future covers will know.

Jock's Cover

Very happy to get Jock doing a cover – one of the definitive cover artists of the 21st century, and one of the nicest people in comics. If I ever made a faustian deal, it was made on the floor of Jock's hotel room in Dublin, waking up and picking fluff off my tongue and thinking “you need to earn some money at some point, Kieron.” Jock had let Jamie and me crash on his floor, like the kind and lovely fella he is.

Anyway! Morrigan, in full fashion-sepulcharal. Obviously look at how Jock uses space here, and plays with the logo. That sort of awareness of the specifics of any individual cover is one of the reasons why he is what he is. Lovely stuff.

The 25 Issues In Future Cover

For Image's theme months, we normally say yes or no depending on whether it strikes us as a worthwhile idea in terms of the book – which normally means “do we have a good idea instantly.” In this case, Eric went “A hypothetical cover for your book 25 issues in the future.” Everyone on the team went “Well, by that point the book is over so...”

Original idea was a graveyard, but realised that a monument would be the way to go. It's based on one in Glasgow, which Jamie pointed out as we went past it.

One day I'll get the HUMANITY statue in London into the book, but not yet.

IFC

Deciding what information gets added to these is always an interesting challenge. What matters? What doesn't?

Page 1-2

We're back, and first panel is the Laura narration we haven't seen since issue 11. I miss that girl.

Jamie does this whole sequence so well. Matt too, in terms of mood. I'm always interested in the question Jamie asks me – in this case it was “why the hell is she living in a crappy room in the underworld? She's rich.” And then I have to justify it, which is nice, because it reminds me that my choices actually do have the justifications built in. I suspect I believe I used Bojack Horseman and Sid Vicious in crappy hotel as my references.

Yes, the Lucifer fangirl is cruel and unusual. That Persephone left the party saying she wanted to be alone and wasn't in the mood, and between then and now she's picked up someone else, and someone who reminds her of her old friend says a lot about her. Same as later, when she goes clubbing rather than go home.

Really interesting colour choices in the second panel of the second page by matt – that beige-y red of the cigarette light. And then look at the cold blue/white light when the phone clicks in.

I think a lot about how we hear about news, both personal and world news. Occasionally it's in person, but I think of refreshing the Warren Ellis Forum and then the top post being “Plane flies into World Trade Center” with one unread message or anything else. Just a line of text that is going to change everything. We do a lot of stuff like that – I find myself thinking of the climax of The Immaterial Girl.

Page 3

I believe I was thinking of Bananarama's Love In The First Degree. Bananarama were my original text pop band. Huge chunks of what I love in Pop Music can be traced back to Bananarama.

Page 4-5

Earliest scene in the current recurrence, I believe... at least in terms of showing gods.

This is in part to make sure the timeline was clear. As Baal's Death Day was revealed, we know when he must have appeared... which was before 2013 Ragnarock which still clearly believed the gods not have returned yet. If this is Baal's first gig, then we know he spent a couple of weeks not doing performances.

The question of when Sakhmet came is open. I suspect I'm never going to actually say it in the script, but I can see Sakhmet's appearance basically prompting Baal into doing his first gig just to make sure he gets to be first. Those would be fun conversations. I could talk about our choices in terms of when we started our story, but there's certainly another version of WicDiv which did everything in straight chronological. If I was writing it for (say) television, I suspect I'd take that route.

(The short version is that in a monthly comic “Gods reincarnating as pop stars” isn't a big enough hook. That's a theme and setting. I needed the specific big plot, which was the Did Lucifer Do It?)

Anyway – party in a Warehouse, but look at what Matt does with the colours here, which are brutal. In an issue with so little joy, this level of pop just shows what the book isn't now.

Page 6

I'm always interested in Jamie's choices for the gods when they're not on stage. Amaterasu's clearly herself, but not quite as loud.

Eight panel grid, which is my standard choice. I suspect I could have pushed either of these half scenes to longer scenes, but I have bigger fish to fry.

Jamie does great stuff here with the body language – being questioned by the police about your girlfriend murdering a bunch of folk when you're hungover can't be much fun, and panel 2 really shows it. And then there's panel 4 – Persephone holding herself as she trudges away. The contrast between that and the detective's words is a lovely bit of irony by Jamie – she really doesn't look like someone who could.

Matt's colouring in the fifth panel is just startlingly wonderful. Just look at that.

Chrissy's ongoing biggest regret is that we did PERSY instead of PERSEY when we first did Amaterasu's nickname for Persephone.

Page 7-9

The formalist in me is a little annoyed that I break the purity of “follow around Persephone on her hangover day” and have a scene which starts before her.

Jamie and Matt always realign their work between arcs, and Jamie is trying some slightly different approaches to the page. I mention, as for me, this scene is where it's most obvious in terms of “something is a little different to usual.”

Return to the I Can't Believe It's Not The Danger Room, introduced in issue 17. Also, Minerva and Baal in Valhalla, which says how seriously they're taking it – neither live there any more.

I smile at the hot pink in panel 4 on page 8. Hot pink! Hot Pink!

The last panel of page 8 took some tweaking – originally Amaterasu didn't have a line, which made it easy to overlook their entrance, which made Persephone appear to come out of nowhere in the next panel. Adding a line to her solves that problem, but does undercut the beat of Baal/Minerva – Baal had a line which we lost, which meant the reader's eye would treat the panel as two moments. The celebration of the two – a gap on the page – and then Amaterasu coming in on the right.

I think Marlboro Shite has been in my notes since issue 4 or 5. Everything eventually finds a home.

(It's so old I was worried I'd used it before somewhere. Baal repeating himself would be terrible.)

Writing that has also reminded me that I had a stress dream last night about a continuity error in Uber where someone pointed out we'd changed names of one character mid-through the story. My subconscious is totally crap.

Page 10-11

I don't use that sort of caption-dialogue transition a lot in WicDiv, even though it's a classic story writer trope. In terms of modern writers, I always connect it to Rick Remender. It's one of his main bridging devices.

More about the gig next issue, but it was important to set up a bunch of stuff here. It's been talked about, but not in this level of specific. Clearly it's going to be a big part of the plot. It's been a while since we've done a big performance scene, after all. Imperial Phase is all about getting to your Knebworth, after all.

God, Cass is almost translucent here. She works too hard.

I really like Persephone's necklace in this page. Just noticed it.

Page 12-15

Highbury & Islington, as seen in issue 5 and returned repeatedly to since then.

I'm still not bored of how we flipped Young Avenger's White Backgrounds As Aesthetic Device when dealing with the Underground. Which probably says everything about the two books.

Obvious setting up key stuff for the Underground we'll need later in the issue on page 12 – namely that we can find to places you've been before, but it is infinite down here.

I believe ”Crap Narnia” was a last minute tweak of the script, but it does please me. The Norns are not have it with these tropes.

Panel 3 on page 13: Awwwwkward.

I have no idea how Jamie keeps on doing these outfits. He's an amazing talent. I should do a comic with him.

The specific choice of “At least 3G” makes me smile, as if Cass is working out what signal is reasonable to get in a magical underworld. “Yeah, maybe you'll lose 4G, but 3G should be good” she thinks to herself.

Yes, nothing at all comfortable in any of this.

It's always interesting to me how Cassandra is as vulnerable as she clearly is. You choose the right places to hit her, and she'll be derailed. Some characters clearly understand that, and others don't.

The last panel is the point where people who read the solicits are thinking “wait – when Kieron said “Wherein Dionysus sits in the darkness for most of an issue, but in an awesome way. Honestly, you'll love it. Also: other stuff.” was he being literal?”

Last panel is great. Full bleed gets the sense of the endlessness of the dark, and Dionysus sitting there, facing it. Art against the void. Our comic in a panel.

Page 16-17

There's more interaction with the public in this issue for a while, but the crowd stuff is where we're trying to show the responses more. Some people are petrified. Some people are still trying to snap her. Some are both.

Yet more fine gods-casual-clubbing looks.

The club they're leaving would be the Buffalo Bar, as seen in issue 18 of WicDiv (since repaired in WicDiv). They're stairs leading down on the right. Also showed up in Phonogram: The Immaterial Girl.

Interesting flashback colour choices here from Matt. Teal and turquoise? Colourists are amazing.

The Bridge Reconstruction sign is 100% period Highbury & Islington sign. We moved dialogue over it to try and signal “I know this looks important, but it's not.”

Deciding which exact euphemism for sex Cassandra should use on 17.1 was some degree of thought. Originally I'd written “Fucking” but that jarred with Persephone's own Fuck. “Banging” was the most comic option – it just speaks to the lack of respect Cass has for Pers/Baph's act.

“I've never said that out loud before” echoes with Young Avengers, of course.

I wanted the hard – mid sentence to set up for a hard-cut to the club. I'm a fan of hard-cut jokes, but doing it as an anti-joke was kind of the point. Let's go home, as I need to OH NO I AM IN A CLUB AND HAVING A SHIT TIME.

Page 18-19

I look at the first page, and smile, in purely a “I love comics” way. When I talk about “Wanting to write comics” versus “wanting to write stories that get turned into comics” way, it's stuff like this I'm thinking of. If I didn't write full script, it wouldn't work like this. Well... not as easily. It's calling for specific effects that Jamie and Matt completely get. Matt bleeding the red in is pretty astounding – that third panel especially. The second one you can think it's just the club lights, but the third is saturating the image, and then it just takes over. And that expression on panel 5. Yay, jamie. Comics!

Thinking this was a pro-pantheon fan club, so the response is different than on the streets. These people are shook up. They mean well. But... yes.

Obvious call back to Baphomet's dialogue way back in issue 7.

I believe the last panel description was “Hmm. I do like coke?”

Page 20

A general sentiment, but dancing with Taylor Swift's Blank Space.

21-22

And we return to where we started.

How good was the coke? Will we ever find out? Stay tuned to The Wicked + The Divine, kids!

(Not the first time Coke has been explicitly referenced in Imperial Phase. It was implied in episode 24, and Woden's memorable nose-piece in 28. Imperial Phase, proggy double albums and all that shit is just connected with that particular drug for terrible people. Year 4 will be less coke-y, hopefully)

And Ruth's surname revealed.

It's odd – when writing this I'd completely forgotten the obvious fact that Persephone is disobeying the television's instructions. I am useless.

That this is the second time that data access in the underworld has been referenced in this issue makes me wonder whether my own router problems were working their way into the comic. All work is autobiographical, but not usually that crappily.

(Don't worry. It's solved now.)

Great Jamie expression on the final panel, of course. The colouring of the section was one of the most debated bits of the book, and I like where we ended.

Page 23

I suspect I've got some pun interstitials which are worse than this ahead, but not many. That would be impossible.

Anyway – back next month for top sitting in the dark adventures.

Thanks for reading.

#WicDiv #the wicked and the divine #Writer Notes

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withnosuchgrace · 7 years

Text

Counting Stars

summary: you never expected to talk to Sehun, but then again, you never expected to take astronomy either, and neither of those stop you from turning to the smartest kid in class when your grades are on the verge of sinking into a black hole.

part 1 | part 2 |

genre: fluff !!!!!! (i cried a lot)

word count: 8806

A/N: i have two essays and a test on monday but i finished this instead. Enjoy!!

- P A R T T W O -

A few weeks have passed, and you found yourself seated next to Sehun every astronomy class. It became a habit, like second nature, to take a seat next to the smart boy in the front row. You knew he had gotten used to it too, as he kept saving you a seat time after time, regardless if you were late or not.

Your study sessions continued too, at least one every week, and it was through these study sessions that you found yourself really getting close to Sehun.

You happened to be in his room right then, lying on your stomach on his bed, while he took his usual seat at his desk, the both of you studying for midterms.

You found that you were much more productive and studied more efficiently in Sehun’s presence, and so your study sessions extended to more than simply astronomy and onto other subjects. Sometimes you would go for hours without saying a word, simply studying your own respective subjects, but it was being in each other’s presence that brought on a feeling of calm.

You were in the middle of reading about third wave feminism when you felt yourself beginning to lose focus, and getting bored.

“I’m curious. Why are you studying astronomy?”

You watched as Sehun spun around on his chair to look at you. He sensed it was time for a well-needed break as well, and you could tell, because he never fully turned away from his desk unless he needed a break.

“I just like space.” He stated, simply.

“Oh come on, you’ve got to give me more than that!” You began to sit up with your legs crossed so you were at least eye level with him.

“Fine. Well, I’ve always had a fascination with the stars and the universe and everything out there. It’s absolutely mind-blowing how immense the universe is. My dad bought me my first telescope and I spent all my summers as a kid with my eyes on the sky. Which is probably why it’s my major.” He admitted, with a small nostalgic smile. He then looked at you expectantly. “Your turn.”

You shrugged. “Suho told me to sign up so I did.”

“That’s it?” He exclaimed, incredulously.

“Yup. Not as much of a dramatic tale as yours was.” You laughed.

“No kidding. Do you at least like the class?”

“It’s definitely interesting, which is why we all decided to stay. And having you there to help me out has also really boosted my image of the course.”

Sehun tried to hide his bashful smile, though his reddening ears was giving him away. You had thanked him countless times for the help he was giving you with the course, and every time he would attempt to hide his smile out of embarrassment, which in turn caused you to grin.

You felt slightly guilty for having Sehun tutor you without expecting anything in return. You had offered to pay him countless times, but he denied all of them, claiming that he enjoyed tutoring you and astronomy came easy to him. He didn’t need anything.

Still, your mind was reeling with trying to figure out what you could do for him. Maybe you could get him a present at the end of the semester? Would he like that? He wasn’t one to accept things easily.

You were lost in these thoughts when you heard him calling your name.

“What?” You blinked repeatedly as you noticed him snapping his fingers in front of your face.

“You completely blanked out.”

“Oh, sorry about that.” You bit your lip in embarrassment. “What were you saying?”

“I was asking what you were studying.” He pointed to your notes that were spread across his bed.

“Sociology of gender.” You showed him the cover of your notebook. “Pretty interesting stuff.”

“I can bet.” His eyes scanned over your notes, half of which were typed and the other half handwritten. You weren’t the most organized person. “Wait, I never asked what your major is.”

“Feminist studies.” You claimed, proudly, with your head held high and a smug look painted across you face.

He let out a chuckle at your face. “Wait! You’re an Arts student?”

“Yeah. What about it?” You challenged.

“Wow maybe that’s why you’re having so much difficulty in astronomy.” He teased.

“Shut up.” You stuck your tongue out at him in a childish manner, causing the small room to full with his lovely laughter that he could no longer contain.

As most students know, midterm season is a time of sleepless nights, stress overload, and the desperate wish for time to stop so you can at least catch your breath.

This season was no different.

Your group of friends were just as stressed as you felt, and it was evident in their faces, their smiles exchanged for frowns, and bags hanging under their eyes as they attempted to memorize entire chapters of their textbooks in the span of two days.

By far the worst out of the bunch was Chen. It was quite strange since he was generally the one out of the group that usually had his shit together, or at least was able to pull off looking like he did, but the minute a major test or assignment was involved, he was a lost cause.

On a daily basis, Chen had at least six cups of coffee, however, this number would multiply many times over in the span of two weeks. You were certain that if someone were to look into his veins, they would find the brown liquid instead of blood. No normal human could consume that much caffeine.

Consequently, he was fidgety and quite unpleasant during midterms. It had only been two days and he had already snapped at Suho and Chanyeol thrice. You were smart and stayed away from him until he was finally himself again, but your friends weren’t as bright.

You were sitting in the student lounge in the basement of one of the buildings on campus, which was mostly empty since any sane student was hauled up in the library or in their dorms and studying their asses off. You would’ve been there too, had you not been dragged out here for some “chill time” (at least, that’s what Suho called it).

You cast a glance at Chen sitting on the couch adjacent to yours. Chanyeol had dragged him out here, too, and he looked like he was ready to punch him, or cry, or both. His leg was bouncing relentlessly, left eye slightly twitching, and he was biting his nails, more of a reason to remind himself he was really here rather than a bad habit.

“What the fuck are we doing here? I have two exams tomorrow that I should be studying for!” Joy had her arms crossed and a frown on her lips.

You nodded in agreement. “I second that, guys, what’s going on?”

“C’mon, why can’t we take a break from studying for a few hours? Y’all are killing the mood.” Doyoung pouted, barely lifting his eyes from a game he was playing on his phone, Chanyeol right behind him, anxiously looking at the boy’s score.

“Killing the mood? You’re lucky I haven’t killed any of you yet.” Joy sent glares all around.

“Relax, Joy, we are here to discuss something!” Suho piped up, messing up her hair and causing her to grimace.

“Really? So we’re not simply here to avoid studying?”

Suho hesitated at Wendy’s words. “Okay, maybe that, too. But, listen, I was talking to Heechul and he wants to throw this super big party for the end of midterms. It’ll be great and such a great reward after being so close to death.”

“You said ‘great’ twice.” Joy pointed out.

“Isn’t Heechul always throwing parties?” You asked, rhetorically.

“Honestly, how does he have any time to study at all?” Chen managed to mutter from his position on the couch. It looked like he was finally calming down from his initial anger and you saw his eyes falling heavy from the lack of sleep he surely must have experienced.

“It’s hard to believe he’s doing his master’s,” Ten chuckled, finally having an input in the current conversation, although his eyes never lifted from his phone as he spoke. He let out a bark of laughter, soon followed by Doyoung’s cry in defeat.

“Dude, you destroyed the high score!” Chanyeol gasped, his eyes comically growing wide as his mouth fell open in shock. “Do you know how long it took me to set it that? Three weeks! And you just smashed that to the ground in less than twenty minutes! How the hell…?”

A smug smirk painted Ten’s face as he leaned back on the couch, his arms folded behind his head as he basked in his Everwing winning glory. “It’s called talent, Chan. It’s not my fault I was born for this game.”

“I’ll beat you next time!” Doyoung assured, pointing a finger at Ten, causing the raven haired boy to let out a cheeky laugh.

“I’d like to see you try.”

“Guys, guys, guys.” Suho interjected, “we’re losing focus here. This meeting is turning into a mess!”

“Meeting?” Wendy rose an eyebrow.

“Whatever this is! The point is that we have to gather enough people for this party. Are you guys in or what?”

Chatter filled the student lounge as some tried to come up with excuses and others discussed who they could invite; Chanyeol, Doyoung and Ten were still heatedly talking about their game; Chen may have fallen asleep on the couch, who knew how long ago.

You, however, remained quiet. You were lost in your thoughts. Thoughts of Sehun.

Wait, this is not what it looks like. You were merely thinking of what Sehun would think of this party. He didn’t seem like one that was into partying, but maybe he just hadn’t been invited to any of the good ones.

Perhaps this could be one of the ways in which you could pay him back for the tutoring. Although he didn’t show it much, Sehun was probably just as mentally exhausted from midterms as everyone else. What better way to relax than losing yourself in a way that only one of Heechul’s legendary parties could do.

You weren’t certain, but you didn’t cross out Sehun from your potential guest list just yet.

You were only brought out of your thoughts by Chen suddenly awaking at the prodding of Doyoung, resulting in the lounge to be filled with curses.

“Alright,” Suho said hastily, clapping his hands together to gather everyone’s attention. “Meeting’s over, you’re free to go, my friends.”

You tried to figure out the best way to bring up the party to Sehun but it was proving more difficult than you thought. You had no idea how he would react, resulting in you spending a few days just analyzing him.

You asked him some random questions you had prepared to test him and studied his reactions. You nodded thoughtfully to yourself at his answers, all the while making note of his body language and his overall response to the questions you asked.

One such question was about whether or not he drank, and while at first he had been alarmed at the sudden question, he answered honestly, saying that he didn’t really drink too much.

You would wait a few moments before moving on to your next question, asking what he thought about going out late on a Friday night.

If Sehun was puzzled by all your questions, he didn’t voice it. He answered all of them relatively calmly, though a frown did tug at the corner of his mouth.

Your list of questions was slowly thinning out as you made note of his different reactions on the paper. You made sure to hide this list from him, not knowing what excuse you would make if he ever saw it. It all was a little strange, if you were being honest.

You were in his room, casually trying to bring up a question every now and then as he sat at his desk trying to study.

“What do you think of loud music?” you asked, sneaking a glance in his direction to see what he would say.

“Uh, I don’t know. It gives me a headache?”

You nodded to yourself, and made a squiggly line next to the question. Your eyes flitted to the next question. It was the last one, and it meant you were finally going to have to outright invite him to the party.

You bit your lip as you tried to formulate the right word order in your mind before taking a deep breath and just going for it.

You did not notice that Sehun was already looking at you in curiosity, getting quite concerned with all of your unusual questions. It seemed like you were interviewing him for something, though he could not figure out why.

“(Y/N), what are all these questions about?” He finally gained the courage to ask you about it, just as you finally began to ask him the question you had been pondering for days.

“Are you free Friday night?”

You both stopped abruptly, looking at the other wide eyed.

“Uh…”

You may have been the one to snap out of the trance first, but Sehun was the one who spoke a coherent sentence first.

“Did you just…” Sehun tilted his head a little to the side akin to the way a lost puppy would. “Did you just ask me out?”

The blush colouring your cheeks was as bright as a fire engine, which was relevant since a million sirens were going off in your head.

“Wait! That’s not what I meant! I was trying to-”

You were interrupted by Sehun speaking again. “What’s the paper you keep writing on?”

“This? Oh it’s nothing important! I swear it’s practically garbage.”

You were trying to hide it from him, but he was quicker than you and managed to snatch it up from the bed before you had a chance to stop him.

You buried your face in your hands out of pure embarrassment. There was no going back from this now. This is not what you had planned for this to go.

You saw through parted fingers Sehun reading your list, mortified.

Sehun’s brows furrowed in confusion. “Is this a list of all the questions you asked me? What are all these symbols beside them for?”

You sighed, dropping your hands from your face. “I kind of made that list of questions to see how you would react to the actual question I wanted to ask you.” You couldn’t look up at him, instead focusing your attention on his white bed sheets.

“You mean ask me out? Right?” His tone held no emotion, or maybe he was just really good at hiding them.

You snapped your head to look at him so quickly your neck hurt. “No! Oh my god, no way! I was going to invite you to a party!”

“As a date?”

“As a friend.” You emphasized.

His mouth fell open in a small ‘o’ shape, finally realizing what happened. He didn’t say anything, which had you a little uneasy.

“So… will you come to Heechul’s party on Friday night? It’s after all the midterms and it’ll be a great way to relax after all the stre-”

“No.”

You abruptly stopped. “What?”

Sehun looked at your expression, a tinge of guilt painting his features. “What I mean to say is, I’ll pass.”

You felt disappointed. You had hyped up this question since Saturday, all for it to come crashing down within minutes. “Oh.”

Sehun shrugged. “Parties aren’t really my thing.”

“Oh, um, that’s understandable, I guess.” you suddenly felt very uncomfortable, and not knowing what to do.

The room filled with an uncomfortable silence, one that appeared after a long time because you hardly had any awkward moments with Sehun anymore.

You checked the time on your phone and were surprised to see that it was already past six, and that you should get back to your own dorm and grab some supper.

“Are you leaving?” Sehun asked, watching as you gathered your things, pulled on your fall jacket and wrapped your scarf tightly around your neck.

You nodded. “Yeah, it’s getting a little late and I’ve got to get some stuff done. I’ll see you tomorrow, alright?”

“Of course! Bye, have a safe trip!” he smiled softly.

You offered your own smile in response before walking out his door, though your mind remained filled with thoughts of him.

Although you were bummed out about Sehun rejecting the invitation, you realized the following morning that it was okay, that partying just wasn’t his scene, and that was perfectly fine. You could maybe go out with him for ice cream instead.

The next astronomy class went fairly well, the two of you speaking as you normally would, not once mentioning the party or the mishap that happened last night. The awkwardness was nearly diminished between you, and for that you could not be happier.

It was only on Thursday, two days after he rejected your invitation, that he brought up the party again.

You were packing up your things so you could finish up your studying for your last midterm tomorrow in your own room and leave Sehun to catch some shut-eye, which he was definitely needing. He had insisted he was fine, but you knew for a fact that he was exhausted beyond belief.

“Now when I’m gone, you better be sleeping, alright? How are you going to pass your midterm if you can’t even keep your eyes open?”

He nodded but couldn’t keep himself from rolling those same tired eyes.

You said your goodbyes, with you nagging him to sleep once more and him basically kicking you out of his room (“how do you expect me to sleep when you’re still here yelling at me?”).

You finally left with a small smile playing at the corner of your mouth.

Back at your own dorm, you had your notes spread out all around you and were in the midst of remembering all the theories that were surely going to be on your exam, when your phone began to ring. You looked at in in puzzlement, since it was already well past midnight. Who the hell would be calling you so late?

Your confusion only grew when you read Sehun’s name on your screen.

Sehun had never called before, you would only message. And he was supposed to be sleeping!

You finally picked it up after the third ring. “Sehun? Aren’t you supposed to be sleeping.”

“Uh, yeah about that… I couldn’t really sleep.”

It was so strange hearing his voice over the phone. It made his voice a little deeper, and made him feel closer, making you feel something, but that in itself was a weird thought, so you immediately dismissed it.

“What do you mean you can’t sleep? Is everything okay?”

“Yeah everything’s fine… I was just thinking.”

“About what?” You sat up properly now, pushing your notes away, knowing full well you wouldn’t be able to study anymore.

“The party.”

Embarrassment began to eat at your insides as you thought back to how you had asked him to the party. You were glad this was a phone call after all, so Sehun could not see how red your face had gotten.

“About that, look I’m really sorry if I came across really bold and like I was asking you out or something. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but listen, you have every right to not wanting to come and I shouldn’t stop you from doing you. We can go out for ice cream instead to celebrate the end of midterms, if that makes you more comfortable? I even know of a place that lets you get a second scoop for free if you fail!” You realized you were ranting and quickly shut up when you heard him repeatedly calling your name.

“(Y/N), listen,” he was finally heard after your ceaseless babbling. “All of that sounds really great but it’s not necessary.”

“Oh, that’s fine! We can go to have something else instead of ice cream! I also know this great burger joint -”

“No, that’s not what I meant.” You heard him sigh, and you could practically see him running his fingers through his dark hair, something that he had a habit of doing when he grew frustrated. “What I mean to say is I changed my mind. About the party.”

There was a pause on his end and you were about to ask him again if everything was indeed okay, when he uttered the words you never thought he would say. “I’ve decided to go.”

The smile that grew on your face was so wide that it caused your cheeks to hurt, but you didn’t care.

You hadn’t even realized that you didn’t answer until you heard his voice once more.

“(Y/N)? (Y/N), are you still there?”

“Yeah, I’m still here, I was just - wow what made you change your mind? I mean are you sure? You were pretty adamant about not going a few days ago.” You had tried to act casual about the entire ordeal, but failed to do so as you continued.

This didn’t slip past Sehun, who immediately took note of your happy tone of voice, though he didn’t mention it. “I don’t know, actually.” In honesty, he had a feeling that he did know what caused him to change his mind, though he did not mention this either. “I just thought you were right about it being a good way to take away the stress from these past two weeks so it’s only appropriate, right?”

“Yes! But are you sure you’re going to be comfortable and stuff? You did say that this wasn’t really your scene.”

“I’ll be fine. It’ll definitely be something different but we’ve all got to take risks in life, don’t we?”

You nodded excitedly, before realizing he couldn’t see you. “Yes, yes. It’s going to be so great, Sehun. We could meet up at your dorm before heading to it together?”

“That sounds perfect!” You could tell that he was sporting a soft smile, too. “Well, that was all I wanted to say, and it’s getting pretty late so I’m going to sleep for real now.”

You laughed. “Same here. I don’t think I can study right now.”

“Oh no, did I interrupt your studying?” A tinge of guilt laced Sehun’s voice.

“No!” You blurted way too quickly. “I studied as much as I could already. There’s nothing more my brain can handle.”

“Alright, well I’m going. See you tomorrow.”

You said your goodbyes, and you waited until the line completely cut before letting an excited squeal to escape your lips.

You did wonder what really did cause Sehun to change his mind, but that wasn’t important right now. All you cared about was the fact that he was really going. Tomorrow’s party was going to be quite the experience.

The smile that you had been wearing all day had yet to leave your face. You swiftly got through your last midterm and although you weren’t sure whether you did well or not, you were far too giddy for tonight to care.

You had mentioned to Doyoung that Sehun had agreed to come after all, and the look on his face had been priceless.

“Mr. Smarty-Pants is going to make an appearance? What did you do to convince him? Pay him? Something else?” He rose his brow suggestively, his laughter only increasing in volume after receiving a punch on his shoulder, courtesy of you.

“No. I actually have no idea what caused him to change his mind, but I ain’t complaining. It’s going to be so much fun.”

Doyoung rolled his eyes as the two of you approached your dorm room. “It was going to be lit either way. But I do have to admit that I am excited to finally meet the guy after hearing about him non-stop for weeks.” He sighed dramatically, leaning on the wall adjacent to your room door, while you fumbled in your pocket for the keys.

“What are you talking about? I don’t talk about him that much.”

“Ah, the phase of denial. (Y/N), seriously, if you aren’t with him, you’re talking about him, or at the very least thinking about him - don’t make that face, I know it’s true!”

You pouted at his accusation. Of course all of them were false. Doyoung just wanted to tease you. It’s what he does best.

“Whatever, I’m going to get ready,” you said, opening the door.

“Now? We still got several hours!”

You propped a hand on your hip. “It takes time to look flawless, Doyoung. But you wouldn’t know. No matter how long you take to get ready, you always look like a butt.”

Doyoung didn’t even crack a smile. “Are you done?”

You nodded, happily. “Yup. I think so.”

“Great. Now I really don’t wanna waste my time here watching you try on like a million outfits, so I’m going to head to the lounge and see if the others are there. Are we going to meet up before heading to Heechul’s? I think Suho and Chen might be going earlier to help him set stuff up.”

“Nah I told Sehun I’d meet up with him before the party.”

“Oh but of course. Anyways, tell him I say hi.” With that, Doyoung was pushing himself off of the wall and making his way down the hall and turning left, heading for the elevators.

You finally entered your room and tossed your bag onto your messy bed and you keys on your even messier desk.

After glancing at your bed and debating whether or not a fifteen minute nap would be worth it, you decided against it and headed towards your closet instead.

Your usual party attire would be whatever you were wearing that day if you were feeling lazy, but on occasion you did like to actually get ready. You loved the act of getting ready, of choosing your clothes carefully, putting on your best makeup and messing around with your hair. And now that you had three hours to spare, you were going to make the most of it.

Your usual routine of showering and pampering took an hour out of that time, but you proceeded with a smile on your face.

You pulled out some thin leggings to wear underneath your dress. You hadn’t had a chance to wear these yet, and were more than glad to see the way they fit you perfectly, and how the sheer material on the sides gave you an edgier look. Your denim jacket completed the outfit perfectly and you took a minute to admire how it looked before getting started on your hair.

By the time you checked the time again, it was nearing seven, the time you were supposed to meet Sehun.

“Oops.” You muttered, putting on a last swipe of lipstick before grabbing your things and wobbling out the door, your shoes not on quite right.

The moment you reached Sehun’s door, your phone rang with his name on the screen.

“Hey are you almost here?”

You chuckled at hearing his voice both in your phone and from behind the closed door in front of you.

“I’m right outside your door, actually.”

You heard a faint, confused “what?” before the door opened revealing Sehun, only he did not look like Sehun. Well, at least not the Sehun you knew.

For one, his hair wasn’t perfectly styled like you had grown used to. Instead, his dark hair was slightly tousled in a way you could have never imagined on Sehun, inviting thoughts of running your fingers through them.

Before those thoughts went to territory you weren’t sure you wanted to venture into, your eyes flickered to his attire, which wasn’t getting any better.

He was wearing a button down shirt which wasn’t tucked into his pants. The pants! You never thought you would live to see the day Oh Sehun wore jeans.

This felt like some twisted alternate reality you were in, and you began thinking if this was just some strange dream you were having. Maybe you had taken that nap before getting ready after all, and were so excited about the party that you were dreaming of Sehun looking like this.

You were brought out of your thoughts and back to reality when Sehun opened his mouth.

“(Y/N)? Are you okay?”

You shook your head to rid yourself of any unnecessary lingering thoughts before replying. “Uh yeah, yeah I’m fine, just thinking about uh - Doyoung says hi.”

“Oh, well isn’t he going to the party? I could just say hi to him there.”

“Right, are-are you ready by the way?”

“I think so. Lemme just grab my wallet and I’ll be good to go.”

Nothing much was said as you walked side by side down the street and towards Heechul’s apartment building.

The late October wind was bitter and striked you harshly, causing you to shiver.

“No wonder you’re freezing.” Sehun muttered, mostly to himself. His voice was muffled, his own face partially buried in his jacket.

“What do you mean?”

He looked you up and down, before looking away. “Why would you wear those leggings in this weather? Are you stupid or something?”

Your face reddened, though it wasn’t because of the cold. “You’re one to talk!” You fired back. “Look at your outfit! You’re wearing jeans!”

Sehun looked taken aback at your comment. “What’s wrong with wearing jeans?”

You didn’t know what to say to that. What was so wrong in him wearing jeans?

“The fact that it’s you! The Sehun I know doesn’t wear jeans!”

The Sehun I know… what did that mean? Why were you getting so upset over one article of clothing?

“Damn, I didn’t know wearing jeans would be such a big deal.” Sehun rolled his eyes, though you weren’t sure if he was actually offended or not.

In all honesty, he could have been very hurt by your words and you wouldn’t even know, because Sehun had mastered the art of hiding his emotions.

“You still look good though, don’t worry.”

If he heard you, he didn’t make anything of it. The silence resumed as you approached the steps of Heechul’s apartment building.

Sehun followed close behind, as you made your way into the elevator. You pushed the button for the fifth floor, and watched the doors close, leaving you and Sehun alone inside, as the elevator jolted before moving upwards.

“So… are you excited?” you asked, to fill in the silence.

“I guess.” Sehun shrugged. “Is it really as wild as everyone makes it out to be, or is that just stories people like to make up?”

“You’ll have to find out for yourself.” You replied just as the elevator dinged, and the doors slid open.

You led Sehun down the hall with ease, the whole building being familiar to you after your many visits. Although the sound of bass definitely made it easier to find Heechul’s apartment.

His apartment, 505, was the one at the far end of the hall, with the red door, and the last 5 hanging lopsided from where Chanyeol accidentally bashed his head against it during a drinking game gone wrong. The 5 never really hung right after that, and no one was quite sure why. Chanyeol had apologized profusely, and had offered to buy a new 5, but Heechul, being the chill and laid back person he was, insisted that it was fine. It gives it character, doesn’t it? He had said, I was starting to think this place was getting a little too dull.

You smiled fondly at the memory, before turning to Sehun.

“Here it is. Apartment 505. You ready?”

You didn’t even give Sehun a chance to reply before opening the door and engulfing yourselves in what could only be described as one of Heechul’s Parties.

The whole apartment gave off a bluish glow, though you had no idea what the source was. Heechul’s apartment looked exactly the way it always did whenever a party was being held. The table was pushed aside, and the couches were arranged in a way to allow a lot of room for those who wanted to dance. The music was practically pounding through the walls, and you wondered how the hell the neighbours haven’t complained yet.

The place was already filled with quite an amount of people, despite the party having barely been started. You quickly caught sight of Doyoung and Ten, both of which already had some shots lined up on the kitchen counter.

“(Y/N)! You made it!” you heard a voice yell over the booming music.

You grinned upon seeing the tall figure approaching you. Heechul wore a backwards cap over his curly hair, giving him a much more youthful look despite his age. His soft sweater really did not match though, but you figured he just didn’t care.

“Of course I made it! You know I wouldn’t miss it for anything.” you hollered.

“Aww, you’re making my heart swell.” he put his hands over his heart in a touched manner. “Listen, the others are in the kitchen if you’re looking for them. I gotta head out to buy another bottle of vodka, I think I’m running low.”

“Sounds good! Don’t drink and drive!” he sent you a thumbs up before shutting the door behind him, enveloping you even more into the party.

“Why was a student teacher at a party like this?” You nearly jumped at the sound of Sehun’s voice so close to your ear.

You spun around to face him, only to realize how close he was, and quickly taking a step back. “Student teacher?”

“Yeah, the guy you were just talking to. He’s too old to be a student, right?”

You burst out laughing at Sehun’s puzzled face. Oh Sehun was so pure.

“Wait, what’s so funny?”

“Dude, that’s not a student teacher! That’s Heechul!”

“Heechul? As in the Heechul? Why is he old? I thought he was a uni student.”

“He is!” your laughter finally subsided and you clutched at your sides where they had begun to hurt. “Believe it or not, he’s actually a graduate student.”

“No way.” Sehun’s mouth fell open in surprise, and you laughed at how cute it was.

“I know! I was just as shocked as you are when I first met him.”

“Wow,” he whispered, mostly to himself, and you wouldn’t have caught it if you hadn’t been already watching his face intently.

“C’mon let’s go say hi to the others.” You said, making your way towards the orange hair that was unmistakably Doyoung.

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t (Y/N)!” Doyoung drawled upon seeing you enter the kitchen. “And, oh my, who is this?”

Sehun looked uncomfortable at having all of your friends stare him down, and he shifted his weight from one foot to the other, not quite sure what to say.

“Guys, this is Sehun. He’s in our astronomy class, remember?” You quickly introduced. “Sehun, this is Doyoung, Ten, Chanyeol, Wendy, and Joy.”

All of them greeted him in their own respective ways, Chanyeol even going as far as handing him a cup, sloshing with liquid. Sehun looked down at it, unsure what to do.

“Of course we know who he is,” Doyoung laughed. He looked Sehun up and down, before a mischievous glint appeared in his brown eyes. “You never shut up about him.”

You missed the way Sehun’s eyes comically widened, and his face turning scarlet. Instead, you were shooting your best friend an unamused look. “Doyoung, you’re tipsy and it’s not even 8 yet. That’s a new low.”

“Hey! It’s not my fault Ten wanted to do shots as soon as we got here!”

The raven haired boy in question merely shrugged, an unapologetic grin on his lips. “Guilty as charged.”

“So, Sehun,” Wendy promptly changed the subject, turning to the man who hadn’t said a word since entering the kitchen. “What’s your major?”

“Well,” Sehun cleared his throat since it had sounded a little scratchy. Thankfully the music was not as loud in the kitchen, and so there was no need to shout amongst each other. “I’m majoring in Astronomy.”

“Really?” Joy added. “What made you want to major in it?”

Sehun was hesitant at first but after sending a quick glance your way, he began to tell the story he told you a few weeks back.

“A space nerd, nice.” Doyoung murmured, taking another shot.

“Hey Sehun, have you heard of this game?” Chanyeol finally looked up from his phone long enough, to show Sehun the game he had been addicted to for several weeks now.

You found a smile subconsciously make its way onto your face as you watched Sehun begin to open up more to your friends.

“Why the hell are you guys holed up in the kitchen?” you nearly had a heart attack at Suho’s sudden appearance at the doorway of the kitchen, his hands full of beer cases. “Go out there and get wild!”

You were basically ushered out by the short boy, who claimed you weren’t having “enough fun” and “wasting a perfectly good party”.

Sehun found himself by your side again, still not completely comfortable with the scene yet, and only knowing you out of everyone there.

The real party only got started at 9. That was when Heechul and Johnny, one of Heechul’s good friends, set up the beer pong table in the living room.

You had been sitting with your group of friends on the couches, talking, when you heard Johnny cry “who’s up first?”

“We are!” You hollered, grabbing Sehun’s hand and dragging him with you to the table.

“What?!” Poor Sehun didn’t even get a chance to process what had happened until he was stood in front of several cups of beer.

You realized you were still holding his hand and hastily let go, pretending nothing had happened by giving him a bright smile. “Come on, it’s not a party without beer pong! You have to make the memories last!”

Sehun still looked unsure.

“Don’t worry, I’m pretty good at this. You’ll be soon tasting victory.”

“Are you guys ready?”

You looked across and saw Heechul and Johnny each picking a ball, far too ready for the game to begin.

You nodded, handing Sehun a ball. “You should go first, since it’s your first time.”

He nodded, getting ready to take aim. “I just have to get it into a cup, right?”

“Precisely. It’s okay if you don’t get it, though.”

He threw it as you were speaking, and as expected, he missed the cup in the corner by a few centimetres.

“Dammit.” He muttered, but you assured him it was fine.

Johnny tossed his ball and it landed nicely in the cup right in front of Sehun, he looked at it in confusion.

“Drink it!” Johnny cheered.

Sehun picked up the cup and was slowly bringing it to his mouth when you grabbed it from him.

“Gimme that!” You said, and finishing the contents in one go. You grimaced as the drink burned your throat but still made sure to slam the empty cup down in a dramatic fashion.

When you opened your eyes, you found Sehun looking at you in shock.

“You told me that you’re not a drinker.” You explained. “Don’t worry about it, I’ll just drink them all.”

“Are you sure?”

You nodded eagerly. “It’s fine. Now come on, we have to win this thing!”

Your turn went smoothly, the ball falling perfectly into the cup right in the middle. Heechul drank it with ease.

It went back and forth for a while, and every time a ball landed on your side, before Sehun could even think of taking it you would snatch it and down it.

Sehun was getting better and finally managed to land one in on his third try.

He cried in triumph, and you realized it was the loudest you had ever seen him. He was laughing and it caused you to join in, though you were already feeling extra giddy due to the alcohol in your system.

You gave him a high five and a blinding smile before continuing on the game. After that, every time he landed one in, you would high five, sometimes without even looking at each other and as you got more intoxicated, it became more difficult to do so, causing him to laugh in a way that made you stomach churn.

Or maybe that was the beer mixing in your stomach. Who knew.

You ended up losing the game against Heechul and Johnny, which was understandable since they were the crowned kings of beer pong.

While they cheered and toasted a cup in victory, Sehun spun to face you. “I thought you said you were good at this game!”

“I am! It’s not my fault they’re legendary!” You defended.

“We have to play another round. We have to win.”

You never expected to see Sehun this competitive, and you would be lying if you said you didn’t like it.

“Let’s do this.” You said, finishing what remained of the last drink.

Your next game was against Ten and Doyoung, both of which were a little tipsy at this point. This would be a fairly easy game to win.

The game was pretty neck and neck, both sides doing the best that they could despite the world beginning to tip over slightly. You were still drinking all of the cups on your side, refusing to let Sehun even touch them. This was beginning to affect you, your aims getting sloppier, but Sehun was quickly making up for it with his increasingly accurate shots.

There was just one cup left on the other side, and Sehun already had the small white ball twisting in his fingers, getting ready to toss it. His jaw was set and his lower lip had sunk beneath his teeth as he concentrated on his aim, and looking at his side profile like this made you realize just what a sight this was.

Just as you had begun to admire the structure of his jawline, and the way his body looked in that button down shirt, he threw the ball and it landed exactly in the cup.

“We won!” He yelled, throwing his hands in the air and looking at you with the happiest smile you had ever seen. The laughter that came out of his mouth made your stomach twist in a pleasant way, and you knew for a fact that you wanted to hear it again.

“Hell yeah! You did it, Sehunnie!” you cheered giving him a high five and dancing around in joy.

You were both too excited about your win to notice your slip up of what could only be referred to as a cute nickname, although this wouldn’t be the first time you called him Sehunnie that night.

You played a few more rounds, winning most of them, despite you getting more and more intoxicated.

Sehun noticed this with worry, for while he was perfectly fine, you were having trouble standing still.

You were about to drink another cup before Sehun snatched it out of your hands. “I think I’ll take this one. You’ve had enough.”

You pouted. “But you said you don’t drink.”

“It’s fine, one drink won’t kill me.” You watched intently as he drank it, his face contorting as it hit his throat and his nose scrunched up in an adorable fashion.

You giggled. “You’re so cute.”

The tips of Sehun’s ears turned pink at your words, but he made no comment, and you were none the wiser, already moving on to the next topic when the song had switched.

“Oh my God, I love this song!” You gasped. You took hold of Sehun’s hand and began pulling him towards the open space in the living room. “C’mon, Sehunnie, dance with me!”

There were protests by the other team at watching you walk away in the middle of a game, but Sehun only shot them an apologetic look, not knowing what else to do but follow you with his hand still clasped in yours.

You led him to what you deemed as the perfect spot and spun yourself around using his hand, resulting in another fit of giggles. You began to dance, the beat of the song going in time with your heartbeat. You were so engulfed in your dancing that you hadn’t noticed Sehun just standing there awkwardly.

“What’s wrong, Sehunnie?” you were pouting again, and if you had been sober, you would have been beyond embarrassed.

“I can’t dance.” he admitted sheepishly.

“Nonsense!” you hiccupped, and took hold of both of his hands and placed them around your waist while you wrapped yours behind his neck. “Like thisss,” you slurred, and began to sway back and forth.

“This is a pretty fast paced song, though, (Y/N).” Sehun chuckled.

You ignored him, and continued to sway to the music, even beginning to hum a song from the top of your head, causing Sehun to smile. He had never seen you like this, and he found it very amusing.

You slow danced to Kanye West for a while and your eyes were starting to flutter close, your mind too hazy to see anything clearly.

Once the song was over, Sehun started to let go of your waist only to realize you were falling asleep on his shoulder.

“Dammit, (Y/N), why are you like this.” He sighed. He wasn’t sure what to do so he tried to wake you up by nudging your shoulder and repeating your name in your ear.

“That tickles.” You giggled, squirming at the feeling of his breath on your ear.

“Oh thank God you’re awake.” He sighed in relief.

“Hey guys, we’re about to play spin the bottle, you in?” Joy asked, already prepared with an empty bottle in her hand.

“What is this, high school?” Chen commented sarcastically, as he overheard, but Joy just shot him a glare.

“I don’t know…” Sehun started, but you were wide awake again, and tugging on his sleeve.

“Yes! We have to play, Sehunnie! You need to make your first party count!”

“Sehunnie?” Joy laughed. Sehun just shrugged in response.

“Fine, as long as you’re sitting down, because, boy, are you heavy.” Sehun grunted, having you lean on him was getting tiring.

You were sat on the couches again. Surrounding you were Joy, Suho, Chen, Doyoung, and a few others your inebriated mind couldn’t quite remember.

The game started with Joy and she spun the bottle as Chen was complaining.

“I can’t believe we’re playing this. I haven’t played this since I was 15! Who even thought this was a good idea.”

“Oh shut up, will you?” Joy snapped, placing both hands on his face and pecking him on the lips.

Chen’s eyes widened, even more so when he saw the nose of the bottle pointing towards him.

Joy was about to pull away to get back to the game when Chen grabbed the back of her neck and brought her lips back to his.

“Alright guys, first of all, gross. Second of all, let’s move on.” Suho rolled his eyes, and took the bottle and spun it.

A few rounds passed rather uneventfully, at least for you. You thought you were going to lose your mind if you saw one of your friends kissing again. But then again, with your state of mind, who knew how much of the night you were going to remember clearly.

You were losing interest when you suddenly heard your name being called. You looked at the table and registered the bottle pointing at you.

“Who’s the lucky guy?” You smirked.

“Yours truly.” Doyoung winked.

“That’s disgusting.” You protested.

“I know right? Like I would want to kiss you.”

You were both complaining at how disgusting it was, before you finally gave in and pecked him quickly, just to get it over with.

It was the worst mistake you made in your life.

“Gross! It’s like kissing my brother!” You gagged, wiping your mouth on the back of your hand, and Doyoung wasn’t any better off, grimacing and looking like he regretted his entire life.

You thought it couldn’t get any worse, until you realized it was your turn. You spun the bottle and to your horror it landed on Sehun.

Your stomach immediately twisted in that funny way that was now growing familiar to you, and you looked at him sitting next to you. His own eyes were wide as he realized what this meant.

You vaguely heard the others cheering you on, but you could barely hear them over the sound of your heart pounding in your chest.

Sehun looked really uncomfortable but he still closed his eyes and leaned in, just as you were doing.

You were really close to him, closer than you had ever been, and you could feel his breath on your face, when your stomach churned in that way again and your eyes shot open.

“I think I’m going to puke.”

“What?”

Your hand shot to your mouth and you immediately stood up and ran towards the bathroom in the back of the apartment.

Joy was yelling after you and you felt her hand on your shoulder, asking if you were okay.

You were feeling dizzy and sick and vaguely registered Joy yelling at the couple making out in the bathroom to get the fuck out, before leading you to the toilet.

You puked all of the nights drinks and felt absolutely terrible.

“There, there, let it all out.” Joy held back your hair and scrunched her nose at the foul smell filling up the bathroom.

You kind of blanked out what happened next. You continued to puke and you briefly remembered Joy sitting with you until you felt well enough to go back out there.

“You go ahead, I’ll just wash up and join you.” You said, once your mind was finally working right again.

“You sure?” You nodded, gesturing her out. “Alright, alright I’m leaving.”

After washing your face and quickly rinsing your mouth with mouthwash to rid yourself of the lingering vomit taste, you made your way back into the living room, where you found Joy standing there and smiling.

“What are you smiling at?” You asked, standing beside her, and following her line of sight. Sehun was standing amongst Chen, Suho, Doyoung, and Chanyeol, laughing about what was most likely another one of Chan’s tall tales.

“You know, I’ve been meaning to tell you,” Joy started, and you looked away from Sehun to look at your friend. “Sehun is definitely not like I expected him to be.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I expected him to be rude, and judgemental, but he’s just a shy fluffball.”

You grinned at that, and looked back at him, the way he pushed his glasses back up his nose from where they began to slide down, the way his eyes would squint as he laughed, and even though the music was loud, you swore you could still hear the sound of his laughter.

“Honestly, I was surprised when I met him too. But he’s actually nice, and thoughtful, and smart, and sometimes he tries to hide his laughter but it makes him snort in this really cute way. But tonight, he wasn’t like the Sehun I knew. I think I’ve seen a new side to him.”

There it was again - the Sehun you knew.

“He’s really cute, isn’t he?”

You didn’t even think twice before replying. “The absolute cutest.”

It was then that Sehun looked over and caught your eye, a smile immediately forming on his lips as he waved at you.

It was as you saw him walking towards you that it hit you.

Your stomach twisted in that way again, and you realized that maybe it wasn’t due to the beer but something else entirely. Maybe it was due to the boy walking towards you.

It hit you hard and all at once, like a meteor finally colliding with you, the planet earth, and erasing all of your previous thoughts and assumptions just like it had gotten rid of dinosaurs billions of years ago.

You knew that was an absolutely terrible analogy to how you were feeling, but you didn’t care, because your heart was pounding and your palms were sweaty and your throat had suddenly gone dry as you came to one single conclusion.

You had a major crush on Sehun.

#o boy o boy o boy #i cried a lot over this #i'll get started on part 3 as soon as finals are over #my writing #sehun #oh sehun #exo #exo sehun #sehun exo #sehun fluff #exo fluff #sehun fic #exo fic

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