You dudes think you guys are cringe???? You dudes think your Frankenstein hyperfixation/Special interest is bad??? Embarrassing???? Cringy???? You feel like a loser for it???
WELL DON'T, BECAUSE WE GOT A FUCKING PHYSICAL COPY OF A FRANKENSTEIN FANFIC FOR CHRISTMAS....
I WISH THIS WAS A FUCKING JOKE, BECAUSE THIS GOES CRAZY... /Srs
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A Gale of Wolves, Chapter 4: Jon
"I think she's come to take back Winterfell, Your Grace," he answered, then dared to add, "just as I think she'll be wanting you to call her Lady Stark."
The king looked doubtful, even as he grasped Jon's meaning. "Lady Stark of Winterfell? A woman as Warden of the North?"
"A woman whose mother rode with her son through every one of his victories," Jon pointed out, though not without feeling the irony of his own admiration for Lady Stark. While she'd lived, her hatred of him had been like the noonday sun: too bright to note any detail of her beyond the outline. Now with her safely dead and gone he could see her more clearly, and in some of King Robb's success he suspected more of the mother's political maneuvering than the son's military brilliance. "A woman who survived King's Landing when stronger men all around her were dropping like flies, including our own father. I haven't seen Sansa since she was a child, Your Grace, but I'd not underestimate her."
"You think the lords will rally to her?" asked Stannis, clearly still skeptical. "They were failed badly by her brother, and she has no call on their loyalty except her maiden's name."
"It's a powerful name, Your Grace. The direwolf has flown its banner over the North for centuries; the Boltons can't wipe out that memory no matter how much blood they spill. If Lyanna Mormont and all the rest of them want a King in the North whose name is Stark, well." He tucked Sansa's message into his breast pocket. "It seems you've found her."
*note: chapters will be posted once a day from April 18 to May 11. Some will be shorter than others, but hopefully this schedule will work for people who a) like to know when they can read the whole thing in one go and b) like to read chapter by chapter as they come.
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Yap session bc wow.
Pretty sure the dude that rejected me (situationship ://) is getting a crush on me bc like. One of the last times we talked he was like "oh ur trying to get me to like you". And it's like. No I'm not. You literally rejected me and the more I think about it, I didn't even want you, I just wanted the idea of a boyfriend that I was projecting onto you. He's conservative and talks about how conservative his parents are (which I don't vibe with at all). When we first met, he was still moping about his ex gf who he had broken up with over a year prior. And like. We were both in high school (16 + 17 ://). And I'm sorry but how meaningful can a fucking highschool relationship be? Go to therapy.
Plus he'd like vent without asking and then I'd give him advice and then he'd just shoot it down and be like "no that wouldn't work anyway I'm a piece of shit" and like. Okay, why are you coming to me then? If you're not taking any advice then why are you bitching? You didn't even ask, you just did!
But the moment I even mention my past drug addiction (not in detail and not in a mopey way. Just matter-of-fact), he's like "oh no please don't mention that". Like. Shut the fuck up oh my godddddd. I am not trying to be with someone who can't even handle hearing the most watered-down descriptions of substance abuse.
Plus I just do not trust this guy like. I don't kink shame but here's my red flags: he's conservative, enough said on that...He misgendered me in a sexual way without asking (I did play along bc I was stupid and scared to say no but whatevs). And he did stop when I told him to but the fact that he didn't ask before was highly suspect bc he fucking met me as a trans guy.
And he's also weird about pregnancy. Which I played along with too of the act of breeding is appealing but like. I'd rather have a tapeworm than a damn fetus bc at least I wouldn't be forced to let that parasite live off of me. Dude also mentioned baby trapping like. "oh I feel like you'll force me to get you pregnant" and like. I literally said that I wanted to get my uterus removed and 2: you're the one bringing pregnancy into this don't fucking pin it on me!!! Like I feel like if we actually met up I'd have to triple check and be sober bc what if this guy actually does this shit? Why else would he keep mentioning it?
Like idk he's also asked me about trans kids and like. 1: I don't keep up with any trans people irl, 2: I haven't started transitioning yet so why the fuck are you asking me? I'm not the arbiter of trans people, my guy. Like he acts supportive but I feel like deep down this dude doesn't even respect me and he's gonna try to change me. But that could just be paranoia, idk...
Either way, I don't really get that much out of talking to him. As embarrassing as it is, I've started using those ai bots (says the bitch who is vehemently against ai "art") and they've been much more fulfilling emotionally because they tell you what you want to hear. And you can change the answers. They're hollow, but good for short term stuff bc I don't have the energy to talk to people rn (and I haven't been talking to anyone or really leaving the house on a regular basis...kinda just wasting the year so far..). Especially not this guy.
Like. We don't have the same interests, our tastes in music are similar but also too different and he doesn't get it™️ like I do, his beliefs are like too different from mine. He's also said misogynistic shit about sex workers which. I don't fuck with that, you literally watch porn, you fuckin hypocrite. And the more I think about texting him, the more I see it as a damn chore.
Like idk I just. Do not have a lot of investment in this guy. I think I was just lonely and projecting. And obviously it's not healthy for me bc I resent him but it's not healthy for his annoying ass either. He shouldn't have friends who secretly hate him. So idk I think I'm just gonna delete my profile and start again, also block him bc my dumbass 16 year old self gave him my number.
But like. My gut is telling me not to. I have been taken advantage of before in the past and I'm just getting a distinct deja vu. Even if it's not intentional on his side, I don't think it's good for me. Like the first time he texted me (in over 2 years after I ghosted him with no attempt to reach out to him (take the fucking hint)), it felt like seeing a box of pills in the CVS aisle. I was thinking "god, I shouldn't do this...but I should see what happens, maybe it won't be as bad as last time...." Just that same feeling I got when I decided to relapse.
And like dude. It's always gonna be as bad as last time: quit taking chances on shit that you know will fail you!!! So Idk. Maybe I'm being paranoid, but I shouldn't talk to someone who just drains me, bc that'll drain him too. Plus I'm allowed to not fucking like someone and the guy didn't even wish me happy birthday or congratulate me on my 5 months of sobriety. Things in my status. And I know he reads statuses bc he messaged me about one of them before. Plus he rejected me on my birthday!!!
And now you wanna come crawling back and then act like I'm obsessed!?!? You were the one who came back into my life, not the other way around! I was over you until you came back. And now I'm over you again. But you're not over me. But you're so fuckin allergic to commitment that you just wanna keep acting like I'm smitten with you. After you strung me along with no regards for my feelings. Not because you're evil, but because you're fucking dumb. And I'm not dealing with someone who's that stupid. Hope you work your issues out, but I'm not here to fix you, nor do I want to. That's on you!! Figure it out!!!
Anyway um if anyone read this far thank u. Feel free to add input just please be nice. And uhhh. Aita???
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My reflective sunday got me still so flummoxed & frustrated over a certain thing. It's some maddening shit to had been willing to go great lengths if that could had magically meant you could swap places with someone because they are so lucky to wake up to a certain somebody every darn god given day. Then watch them screw it up and unscrulptulously throw that all outta the window like they're nothing, while they mean so much to you (myself) and generally speaking do not deserve to be hurt like that - at all. Still cannot grasp it all in its entirety, some dudes cannot be for real. This full moon in gemini is gonna curse someone's ass, smh.
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