#I'm happy that I'm smiling in so many of these!! It's so so good to be in the right shape of body!

[gguk-n]

The Exception (Max Verstappen x y/n)

Summary- 4 times Max let y/n get away with whatever she wanted and 1 time he didn't.

I just have so much love for maxie and I wanna show it so it came out as this. Hope you like it!! I hope maxie is only loved tbh

Max was very young when he had moved to a Netherland. If someone asked him when it was, he'd probably never be able to tell. But he could tell you about the annoying neighbours he had growing up. Yes, he did spend most of his time karting and didn't have the time at home or in school like normal kids his age would but the fleeting moments spent at that house in Netherland left behind fond memories that he can look back and only because of a certain little girl with chubby cheeks and two identical braids on either side of her head who had made quite a place in his life. Jos wasn't very happy with Max wasting his time entertaining those kids but he couldn't do much when the children's father was a tall bulky man who could take Jos out in one punch, insisted on letting the kids play together. The tall man had 3 kids Max noticed when he had dinner at their place for the first time; the oldest being the girl who we mentioned before followed by 2 younger brothers who seemed to love karting. They asked Max so many questions about it that they got scolded by their mother for ruining dinner for everyone but Max thought was cute because the youngest couldn't even pronounce karting but had a lot to say. Every time he would spend time with his neighbours, it would always be with the 2 young boys who wanted to learn how to kart better and become like Max like the younger one put it. Even now it makes Max laugh reminiscing about those days. They never really made it professionally though.

2008

Max and the 2 boys were playing around when their older sister asked if they would like to join her for a session of afternoon tea with Mr Whale and Miss Teapot. The brothers made a face of disgust and ran away from her, dejected she turned around when Max agreed. Her face lit up like a Christmas tree. She quickly dragged him into her room and had him sit next to Mr Longneck, the giraffe. An hour later Max was found in Y/N's room with two pigtails if you could call them that on the top of his head, a tiara and the prettiest necklace Y/N owned. Looking at himself in the mirror he couldn't help but laugh. Y/N on the contrary looked pleased with her handy work. She thanked him for being a good and compliant customer and to come back again if he ever wanted to look pretty. It wasn't easy to get Max to do what you wanted except he couldn't say no to her puppy eyes. She even gave him a drawing of him in his kart saying that it would bring him good luck since she couldn't be there and placed her favourite bracelet on his hand.

If Y/N was to ask him about the bracelet, Max would say he lost it as soon as she gave it to him, but deep down in the watch drawer of Max's Monaco apartment sat a brightly neon pink bracelet with Y/N’s initials.

2014

Y/N had started highschool and remained the annoying self Max had come to love. Her over the top demeanor and affection to screaming at the top of her lungs whenever she spotted Max never failed to make him smile. Having joined Formula one this year, meant Max was way to busy to be home but Y/N seemed to never forget to text him regularly. She would ask him to get autographs of other drivers or souvenirs from different countries. It was a regular race weekend when Y/N texted Max asking him to explain how the engine in a go kart worked. In a split second Max was on call with her asking "why she needed that?" to which she replied "I'm doing a project on that. I even made a small scale replica of your cart Look here!!!" She exclaimed. "I just need to shrink you and place you inside it" Y/N laughed. Max told her not to worry and that he would text her the details in a hour or so. Actually it took a couple hours and Y/N was starting to get agitated and called him back. Max replied with a almost done and smiled at her. He had literally written her entire report for her and sent it to review. Y/N almost screamed when she saw the assignment. She thanked Maxie for doing this for her and that she owed him her life. Max was just happy to be of help, he told himself more than he told her because who stays up till 5 in the morning on a race weekend doing someone else’s project.

He kept the small scale replica of his Kart on the mantle above the fireplace if anyone wanted to know what happened to the kart.

2018

Y/N was freshly 18, so getting drunk was the only thing on her agenda. On a night out, she was so drunk that no one could get her to move because she wanted her Maxie and would only leave with Maxie, she enunciated. Her friend was able to open up Y/N phone and thankfully find a Maxie in her favourite contacts. She called the number to be met with a groggy but worried voice. "Hi! This is Y/N's friend Kate speaking. Am I speaking with a....maxie?" she said tentatively. Max let out a sign while rubbing his eyes, "Yes, this is Max speaking." "Can you come pick Y/N up?" She asked hesitantly followed by, "She won't leave with anyone but you apparently." Max was already out of bed and near the door when he said "I'll be there in 10, where are you guys at?" She sent him the location and waited for 'maxie'. Nothing could've prepared them for this. They had thought Maxie was a friend, a boyfriend maybe even a neighbour; they did not think Maxie was Max Verstappen, F1 driver for Redbull racing. He apologised for the inconvenience and crouched down to Y/N level who seemed to have realised that he was here. She cupped his cheeks and giggled while turning his head to the crowd of people standing, "Look, this is my Maxie." Hearing Y/N say my maxie made his heart beat faster then it should've, he admits but that girl had a tight hold on his heart and he couldn't really do much about it. She stood up and wrapped her arms around Max asking him to carry her since her legs felt like mush. Max gladly carried her back to his car, as he fastened her seat belt she asked him to take her back to his place since her parents would probably disown her if she come in drunk for the 6th time this week. Max looked shocked and asked her to stop drinking so much since it wasn't good for her. All Y/N could mumble was that the alcohol made the pain in her heart bearable. This broke Max's heart. Who would dare hurt his precious little angle, if he met that guy he was so dead, Max thought. Little did he know that guy was the one driving her back home.

Y/N was a nuisance when drunk, she reminded him of the little girl he had befriended when he moved here. She wouldn't listen to anything he asked her to do that night until he agreed to let her do make up on him which he would gladly agree to, real or not.

2022

Y/N had recently graduated and was looking for a place to stay. It was one of those nights after a fruitless apartment hunt Y/N facetimed Max. He looked very comfortable in his sim racing chair in his luxurious apartment in Monaco having moved recently. "Maxie" the younger girl sighed. "Meisje, what's the problem?" came a concerned voice. "I can't seem to find a decent apartment, I've been at it for months now." she said. Max offered to help her find the right place and Y/N started listing out all the things she wanted in her apartment which was sounding a lot like Max current apartment which was true, that was Y/N's dream apartment currently; after seeing it a couple months ago when she had visited him as a housewarming surprise and even held a party for him. "You can move to Monaco, the house you're looking for is here" Max said. After a long pause Y/N replied with a chuckle, "I don't make formula 1 money. I'm too broke to afford a house here. In Monaco, I'd have to sell my organs to afford a place there." As if it was the most obvious thing, Max offered her to stay at his place and look for a job here.

The allure of Monaco was too much and Y/N was able to thankfully find a job there so that she wouldn't be completely dependent on Max which he wouldn't have minded. Max never let her pay rent, he'd always tell her to cook good food and that was rent sorted.

2023

It was the night of the Abu Dhabi grand prix. Max had just won his third WDC so him and his friends decided to go out to celebrate, Y/N included. The night carried on as usual, Max not touching much of the alcohol since Y/N decided to down drinks like a thirsty person. She was now in the middle of the dance floor making herself familiar with Lando's crotch, much to Max's dismay. He made his way to her and led her away from Lando while she shouted at him to let her go. They were now stood in the quieter part of the club but you could still hear the music blasting. Y/N looked visibly annoyed at being taken away from the dance floor. "You are drunk, you'll regret it tomorrow." Max said. "That's for sober me to deal with. Drunk me just wants to forget about everything and having an eventful night with a guy would do just the trick." she said. Max winced at the words and held her arms so that she could steady herself. "I don't wanna feel like this," was this the alcohol giving her the confidence, "the guy I've been in love with for ages can't seem to see me as a woman. I've been trying for years now. If I walked out naked, I'm sure he wouldn't even be phased." she sounded dejected. "Any guy would want you, Meisje." Max whispered. "But not the one I do" she stepped closer, enough that their breaths mingled. The woman in front of him was driving Max mad, had she not been drunk he would've shown her how much any man would want her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and looked into his eyes before saying, "He's so dumb, can't even see the woman in front of him." The statement felt oddly targeted. "You know, he's a 3 time world drivers champion and he doesn't even get that I love him so much." she said while looking into his eyes. "You're in love with me?" Max exclaimed. "I have been since the day you let me make pigtails on your hair but thanks for realising now." she replied sarcastically. "You're drunk, you don't know what your saying" Max replied. "Well, sober me would never tell you this but I love you Max Verstappen. So much that you make my heart beat faster and my chest swell when you look at me. I think about marrying you and having a family with you, but you think I'm joking." she declared. Max couldn't help but smiled, "Tell me all of this in the morning when you're sober so that I can tell you that I love you too schat and then I can finally kiss you." "You can kiss me now" Y/N made a kissy face and eagerly leaned in. Max shook his head and carried her back to the hotel room.

Y/N indeed remembered everything and the first thing she did even though she wreaked of alcohol was finally kiss those soft pink lips.

this is just brain rot at this point. hope you liked it

[surielstea]

Desperate Males

1k celebration request!

Pairing: Poly!Batboys x Fem!Reader

Summary: Morrigan convinces Reader to indulge in her fantasies with the three winged Illyrians, the ones that the reader resents for the way they treat her home court, the hewn city.

Warnings: smut | minors dni | 18+ only | p in v | riding | mating press | multi-orgasm | dirty talk | foursome (f, m, m, m) | and probably a lot others

A. Note: Thank you my lovely Lex (@lexluvswriting) for helping me finish this because I was STRUGGLING but I’m happy with how it turned out in the end :)

8.1k words .. half of it’s smut, whoops.

Rita's was packed full of lusting fae and grinding figures, every single body in the pleasure hall was glistening with sweat beneath the dim lighting as they continued to rut against each other.

I was sat in the corner of the building, at a small booth I was sharing with Morrigan, gossiping about our relationship issues over a few too many glasses of wine.

Mor was one of the only people I could tolerate ever since Rhys dragged me out of the Court of Nightmares and to Velaris. I hadn't had much of a choice, the moment he found out I was his mate, he felt some form of entitlement to me, he was fortunate he wasn't ripping me away from anything special, less fortunate when he realized I held the mating bond with his two best friends as well. All three of them, sanctioned to me, a female who had no intention of ever accepting any of their bonds.

Mor was from the hewn city as well, born and raised in that wretched court. It made it easier to talk to her, she understood what I meant when I said it felt like I was living a lie, too good to be true and she knew what I meant when I tried to explain my fear of the ever-imposing threat that it'd be ripped out right from under me at any moment. No one could truly understand the way she could, and though my resentment towards the inner circle was much stronger than hers, she made an effort to relate and be there for me.

"So, how are the boys?" Mor grins suggestively before taking a sip from her drink. I groan, slumping into my seat as I think about the three very annoying males she was referring to.

"Desperate," I grumble and she chuckles into her glass.

"How so?" She smiles, leaning onto her hand propped up by her elbow. "Give me some examples," She urges.

I shake my head with an eye roll, saying, "I don't have any." She gives me an undefeated look, a raise of her brows telling me she was waiting for me to go on. "The stories are too long," I argue but she still remains unwavering.

"Good thing we've got time," She leans back in her seat, getting comfortable as if she was prepared to stay in the pleasure hall with me all night. "Start with Rhys."

Rhysand had a tendency of showing up to the house of wind unannounced, quite a lot. So much so that the male has probably been in this house more than his own. To be fair, he was the one paying for it so I suppose this was just as much his house as any of his other residences, but ever since I started living here his visits began to grow personal. I've only been residing in Velaris for a few months now but he still made it his mission to see me at least every other day. Each time he welcomed himself into the large house he'd have some sort of gift with him, tonight was no exception.

I didn't startle when I heard the front door open, and I barely even flinched when his baritone voice crooned from the direction of the couch as I entered the sitting room. He had his long legs stretched across the couch, his head tilted back against the armrest, and his arms crossed over his chest.

"Evening, darling," He drawls and I look at him with an indifferent expression.

"It's the middle of the night," I grumble, going into the kitchen and grabbing a cup from the cabinet.

"I knew you were awake," He intoned and I rolled my eyes, filling my glass up with cold water.

"I'm about to go to bed," I claim, approaching the sitting room to look at him. He angles his head to meet my gaze, a sloppy smirk on his lips.

"Can I join?" He bats his eyelashes dramatically and I debate splashing my freshly poured water into his face. I decide not to, instead silently turning on my heel and retreating down the hallway. He shuffles off the couch and follows right behind me but I pay him no mind. I push open my bedroom door, leaving it open for his entry, because even if he agitated me it'd be a lie to say I disliked his attention. I was a simple female, and making him chase me like this so successfully was amusing, if not a little cruel.

"I have a gift for you," He informs in a sing-song tune.

"When do you not?" I say, placing my water down onto my nightstand and crawling into my large bed, Rhys had insisted on the size when we went furniture shopping so it could fit his wings, I had ignored his foolish assumption that he would ever sleep in my bed, but let him buy me the most expensive mattress anyway.

He reaches into a pocket dimension and removes a flat, rectangular, velvet box, one made for holding tiaras.

"I don't want your money Rhys," I sigh, watching as he situated himself on my bed, his long legs on either side of my hips, encasing me as I practically sit in his lap. "It's not money," He puts a hand up, waving me off. "I don't want your jewels or crowns either," I huff as he places the velvet box directly in front of me.

"It's not— just open it, will you?" His eyes plead with me more than his words. I stifle a curse and pick the ornate box up. It was heavier than I had been expecting, my brows crease as I slowly tilt the lid open, revealing what was inside. It wasn't money or gems, or even a fancy tiara, but a sleek dagger.

The hilt was solid obsidian, embellished with gold detailing, so well crafted it almost felt wrong to be in my hands. Deep red rubies adorned the top of the hilt in a teardrop shape, pointing up to the blade that's been polished to an impossibly sharp edge, Illyrian steel based upon the rich color of the metal. It was utterly elegant, in such a lethally arresting way.

I take the dagger from its confining box, my touch is delicate as I admire it from all angles, the blade moves so fluidly like the steel morphed into liquid when moving through the air. "You like it?" Rhys' voice breaks me from my trance and I grip the hilt a little tighter, looking up at him with an innocent gaze.

"It's unlike anything I've seen before," I murmur, still entranced by its beauty and the way it moved. He smiled at that, proud of himself for finding a way to impress me.

"It's an heirloom," He confesses and my expression drops, looking up at him.

"I can't take this," I immediately say, attempting to shove the dagger back into his hands.

"Sure you can," He sighs. "I have no use for it, and I heard you have a collection of pretty blades," He says, leaning back on his palms and ignoring the way I was haphazardly thrusting the dagger toward him.

"No, Rhys," I declare and his ears perk at the use of his nickname, he's been only Rhysand specifically for the last few months. "I can't, you're only doing all of this because we're supposed to be mates," I say. "I'm not worthy of your gifts, you're just blinded by the effects of the bond,” I say but my explanation must’ve failed to reach his ears because his smile simply remains.

"Darling, I'm a powerful male, if I didn't want the mating bond to affect me I wouldn't let it," He says cockily and I struggle to keep my eyes from rolling at his pride. "I'm doing this, because I want to, it's that simple," He places his large hands on mine, closing my fingers around the dagger. "But, if you don't want it then—" He starts and I shake my head hurriedly. "No, no I do want it," I grip his hands tighter and his brows raise a fraction. "Perfect," His smile returns, but his hands don't let go of mine and maybe for a moment I let myself indulge in his comforting touch.

"And you're telling me the two of you didn't fuck after that?" Mor questioned, an appalled look on her face as I ended my story about the High Lord.

"He gave me a blade, it wasn't exactly getting me hot and bothered," I scoff and she smirks.

"He could've given you another blade," She murmured under her breath but it wasn't quiet enough for me to miss. "Mor!" I look at her with wide eyes but she only snickers.

"Okay, I'm not totally convinced you dislike him, but tell me about Cass," She urges and I deadpan.

"Are you going to make sex jokes again?" I raise an assuming brow.

"No promises," She croons. "Now tell me about him."

Cassian loved to strut around half-naked. His shirt was often absent when I was around. It was an obvious ploy to swoop me off my feet, to get me drooling over his more than impressive abdomen and his arms that could crush my head in. And perhaps I did drool over him in the solitude of my bedroom, but I'd never let him know that.

I was sitting at the kitchen table enjoying my dinner when I nearly choked on my bite of food as Cassian strolled in, clad in nothing but pants and glistening in sweat from training. His hair was tied up in a messy bun that sat at the back of his head, a sword half the size of me slung over his shoulder in a sheath. I swallow my food with effort, my eyes unable to avert from every expanse of skin starting below his neck.

"Hey sweetheart," He says, kicking the front door shut. I snapped my gaze to his but the smirk on his face made it evident that he caught me staring. "Did you make dinner?" He asked, propping his sword up against the side of the counter. I didn’t make dinner, he knew that, because if I had I would be retroactively accepting the mating bond, he just wanted to put the idea in my head.

"Az did," I say through bites, the shadow singer beside me, silently reading a book, successfully not paying Cassian any mind unlike me.

"Is it any good or do you miss my cooking?" He asks with an amused smile, earning him a glare from the spymaster.

"It's delicious," I say, taking another large bite. I hadn't meant to indirectly compliment Azriel but he slightly smiled at my insult on Cassian, then returning to his reading.

The other male grumbled beneath his breath like a toddler throwing a fit as he made himself a plate that seemed more like a feast fit for a starving man, walking to the table and sitting down directly in front of me.

"You're not going to change?" I ask and he raises a brow and looks down at himself.

"Do you, want me to?" He said, slightly confused.

"Well, what if I started showing up to dinner shirtless?" I cross my arms with a scowl, Cassian's eyes light with amusement and Azriel begins to choke on his own air, muffling his coughs as he stuffed his face into his arms.

"I don't think we'd mind," Cassian winked at me and I looked down at my plate, silently cursing myself for walking right into that one.

"I just think it's bad table manners, is all," I murmur, leaning onto my hand as I roll my food over with my fork, playing with it aimlessly.

"If it has that much of an effect on you, I'll go change," He begins to stand and I whip my gaze up, staring at him with creased brows, not wanting him to think I was entirely bothered by it.

"It doesn't have an effect on me," I blurt out and a smirk curves his lips.

"Then I won't change," He sits back down.

"Fine," I say.

"Fine," He agrees.

Dinner went on a regularity from there, that was until I was clearly done with my food and I hadn't retreated to my room like usual, instead, I was far too distracted analyzing all the scars on Cassian's tanned skin, the ones that had stories behind them that I'd most likely never hear, the ones I would've never seen if he hadn't come home without a shirt.

His chest was on full display, rippling in muscle, a tight abdomen that would have me lying if I said my mouth wasn't watering when I stared at it for a moment too long. And gods, his arms made my thoughts wander beyond just arousal, it was more than a craving. My hands were practically shaking in my lap and I was just grateful they were beneath the table.

My eyes snag on a particular scar cutting across his ribs and up to his sternum, it must've been a mess of blood and gore when he got it, only for it to heal over as a simple line slightly darker than his skin tone, beautiful.

"I got it in a duel," Cassian said and I whipped my head up, locking eyes with him.

"What?" I say, my back ramrod straight, visibly embarrassed by the fact that I was just caught for staring so unabashedly.

"My scar," He places a hand over it, tracing two fingers down the raised skin with a practiced, rehearsed movement like he's down it thousands of times before. "It was from an angry husband, his wife neglected to mention she was married and he took some offense towards our, familiarity." He explained. "Insisted on a duel," He shrugged, and I blinked in slight shock.

"You, lost a duel?" I said like the idea was obscene. "Aren't you considered one of the best swordsmen on the continent?" I raised a brow and he shrugged.

"Seemed like the right thing to do," He flashed a charming smile that's guaranteed to have dropped panties before. "You're ridiculous," I said, standing up and grabbing my plate, walking into the kitchen to place my dishes in the sink. The Illyrian followed after me with his own plate, reaching over me and placing it in the basin beside mine.

I whirl around, which turned out to be admittedly a mistake. His bare chest was so close to my face that it was an effort to crane my neck up, keeping eye contact and not letting myself crumble beneath his gaze. "What do you think?" He asks and my eyes regrettably flick down to the scar, and I can't help myself as I reach forward, my fingers brushing over the rough line of skin and I swear for a moment both of us stop breathing. I tentatively pull my hand away, looking up at him with a smirk.

"I think you have enough testosterone to fuel an army," I hum, patting his chest before pushing past him and removing myself from the kitchen, attempting to ignore the way my hand remembered the feel of his skin against it.

Cassian turned to Azriel as soon as I was out of earshot. "That's a good thing, right?" The male mutters with a line between his brows. Azriel's eyes flick up from his novel to look at his brother. "I don't think so, no." He shakes his head, then returns to his page while Cassian's shoulders slump in defeat and he retreats to his room to find a shirt.

"You're telling me, you had your hand on Cassian, the male pushing seven feet, skin to skin and you didn't immediately surrender?" Morrigan says, her brows creased as she grows increasingly worried about my well-being. "Are you sick or something?" She reaches over the table, pressing a hand to my forehead and I scoff, the annoyed sound turning into a laugh as I push her hand away.

"I'm not sick," I claim. "Just a female who has no interest in large, muscular, beautiful, tan males," I grumble, taking a sip from my glass, my voice trailing off as I go on about how truly magnificent they are.

"Right," She settles back into her seat, crossing her arms over her chest, unconvinced. "So," She smirks. "I know you've been saving the best for last," She leans forward, her grin uncontrollable as she rests her elbows on the table while she insists, "Tell me about Azriel."

My experience in Velaris so far was enjoyable— despite the three winged males, the people were kind here, the men didn't stare, the children weren't sickly, and the women held more value than the curvature of their bodies. It was nice here, like some false paradise.

A small part of me would forever hate Rhys and all the others living in his secret city for blindly living their perfect lives, while innocent people dreaded waking up every morning— because the best time they spent was unconscious, in their horrid city just below the mountain, only a short trip away. Such a drastic shift of atmosphere.

Sometimes when my guilt of being happy began to grow too unbearable I found myself in the library. The first and only place so far I've felt entirely safe. It was quiet here, enough to clear my thoughts, but not enough for unwanted ones to creep in. Priestesses bustled around the building with carts and stacks of books, keeping the tenor lively and welcoming.

So it was a shock when my safe space was suddenly and harshly ripped away from me when I saw a familiar winged Illyrian sitting in the spot I always chose. It wasn't mine by any means, but the bastard must've known this was the alcove I selected every time I came here, there was no way he just so happened to favor this spot as well with the amount of floors alone this place had.

"Move," I was particularly upset this morning due to lack of sleep from incessant nightmares. He only smirks, his eyes slow as they left the book he was so engrossed with, and dragged up to my features. Hazel pools flickering with amusement as he meets my gaze.

"Oh? Is this your spot?" He tilts his head mockingly and I grip my book harder.

I disliked Rhys for how he acts in the Hewn City, and Cassian for his overtly boisterous and arrogant behavior, but Azriel— no one quite got under my skin like Azriel. I couldn't exactly pin down why he made me so frustrated, perhaps it was because he would be the easiest to like, or maybe it was because I always thought he was the prettiest whenever they'd make their annual appearance in my home court, something about that particular fact made me hot with both rage and excitation.

"Well, I haven't exactly seen you sitting here before," I argue, clutching my book to my chest with furrowed brows.

"Fair point," He hums while scooting over and offering me a few more inches of space. It wasn't exactly the largest amount of seating area but he was kind enough to move, and I was far too tired to continue arguing. So I settled in beside him.

The spot I favored over all the others was nestled in a carved-out alcove, hidden from any peering eyes, located between shelves full of various hardback spines. The only viewpoint was from the balcony upstairs, or straight ahead. It felt safe, and I've yet to find any other place I liked as much as this one, so I was open to sharing as long as he kept to his book and I kept to mine, silently.

But the olive green couch wasn't big enough for the both of us and I quietly cursed his insanely large wings for taking up the entire area, one of the dark limbs spread out behind me while the other hung off the edge of the couch, the one behind my back however forced me closer to him, my side pressed against his, and my legs that I had pressed to my chest leaning onto his lap, so much so that I might as well have just been sitting in it, we must've looked ridiculous.

Nevertheless, he opened his book back up and offered me the peaceful quiet I craved. I did the same, cracking my book and finding the page I was on.

It was nice for a moment, the awkward silence morphing into something more comfortable as it grew familiar between us. I had even gotten a few chapters in before I reached a much more, graphic, chapter. The descriptions were downright erotic, and suddenly everything the male did stopped mattering because I was now entirely consumed by the book I had randomly picked off the shelves this morning.

"What are you reading?" He was so very close to my ear that I felt his breath against it, and I snapped my book shut, the sound echoing off the shelves of the quiet library.

"None of your business," I retort, whipping my head to him with stern brows, he narrows his at me suspiciously. "What about you?" I jerk my head towards his closed book like it's been neglected for more than just a few seconds. "Is it a guide on how to kill your brothers? Because I might be interested in reading that one next," I say with a smirk and he mirrors it.

"I wish, Cass practically kicked me out this morning with his atrocious singing while he made himself lunch," He grumbled and my lip quivered upward, my amusement unmanageable at the scene he put in my head, and I cursed myself because, of course, he notices.

"Oh, you think I'm funny?" He says and he was so damned close that one inch closer would result in noses brushing.

"Shh." I press my pointer finger to his soft lips. "No talking in the library." I smirk at him teasingly, removing my touch from his sensuous lips, dragging the bottom one down only for it to spring back up when I let go in an oddly satisfying way.

"We don't have to talk," He suggests, catching my hand before it can fall to my lap. My cheeks grow hot as he interlaces our fingers, palms pressing together, soft skin against scars. He notices my blush and moves that lethal inch closer, the tip of his nose ghosting against mine. "You want to kiss me so badly," He continues his taunts and I scowl, but I don't dare move away.

"Shut up," I bite back.

"Are you going to make me?" He arches a perfect brow and I grit my teeth, deciding I won't play his stupid games. I detangle our hands and turn away from him, but I can still feel his eyes on me.

"You're just as bad as your brothers," I claim, opening my book again.

"You wound me," He gasps in faux pain and I roll my eyes.

"Aren't you supposed to be the quiet one?" I huff, attempting to find the page I was on.

"Just because they're loud doesn't mean I don't speak too," He states, resting his chin on my shoulder.

"Whatever," I grumble, and his wing curls around me a little tighter. He stayed silent for a moment, just a moment of relieving peace, but it was over as soon as it began and I was grateful for the second, but the opposite of gratitude came over me when he spoke again.

"This is filthy, love," He runs his finger down the edge of my book and I close the novel again, this time quietly so it doesn't reverberate throughout the library again.

"I'm not shaming you," His voice is deep and seductive as he speaks, so very close to my ear I swear with every word I could feel it vibrate down my spine. "Just wanted to let you know I'm open to recreating it," He suggested and I sighed, deciding I'd had enough of his banter, and stood up, clutching my book to my chest as I looked back to him.

"You're relentless," I say and he shrugs with a coy smile.

"No goodbye kiss?" He hums and I only shake my head and storm out of the alcove, leaving the library more frustrated than I was when I arrived.

"And?" Mor gestures her hands, demanding more.

"That was it," I shrug.

"You didn't go back and make out with him?" She creased her brows like I was insane.

"No, because I don't need a male to enjoy my life," I say. "You are one to understand that," I suggest with my brows raising and she simply rolls her eyes with dissatisfaction.

"Yeah, but— that doesn't mean you should strip yourself the pleasure of having all three of them," She wiggles her brows and my cheeks grow hot. "Or you could just pick one and miss out with the rest," She adds, before taking a sip from her glass, the liquid inside nearly gone.

I thought it might've been impossible to just pick one. They all had their own personalities and unique qualities, and what if I somehow chose wrong? What if my decision came between the three of them? Then again why can't I just have all three of them? They're all so kind to me, and they're funny, and so very gorgeous, and— "Oh gods, I'm in love," I gasp quietly, my hand cupping over my mouth at the devastating recognition.

Morrigan only nods with a wide grin, like she's been waiting for me to realize since we sat down in this booth. "What do I do?" Suddenly I don't know how to think, or how to act.

"Put them out of their misery and feed those poor bastards," She proposed and I groaned with defiance.

“I’ve been working so hard to ignore their pathetic acts for the last five months, I can’t just give in now.” I practically melt onto the table, my head falling into my arms dramatically.

“Hey, listen to me,” She grabs me by the face, smushing my cheeks as she emphasizes every word. “Do you want them to fuck you senseless?” She asks and I sigh, but inevitably nod with a pitying frown. “Then go." She releases my face and shoos me with her hands and I smile as I stand up. “You’re the best Morrigan,” I claim and she winks at me. “I know,” She shrugs and I blow her a kiss before winnowing to where the tether between the three men felt the strongest.

Which landed me in a cabin I'd never been in before, the sitting room warmed by the crackling fire in the hearth.

Whatever conversation the three males were having halted when I showed up. They all looked at me with analyzing eyes, raking up and down my figure, still in my party dress from Rita's, the material tight, hugging every curve and dip of my body and ending high on my thighs, showing off the entirety of my legs and an obscene amount of cleavage, which the males definitely didn't miss.

Cassian and Rhys were sat on a sofa in front of the fire, Azriel was situated in a large leather chair that he claimed like some sort of king, distanced from the fire I notice. All three of them had short crystal glasses, a matching decanter sat on the coffee table halfway filled with an amber liquid.

"Hey, sweetheart," Cassian was the first to speak. "What brings you here?" He hums and I clench my jaw. What was I doing here? Silently I whirl on my heel and walk towards the kitchen, finding a bowl of fruit situated on the counter. I grabbed an orange from the variety, taking my time to peel the rind off, the three of them staring at me curiously as I approached them again, splitting the pieces of the fruit into thirds, handing each of them a slice without a single word.

"Are oranges supposed to pair well with whiskey?" Rhys held the fruit up, staring at it confused as if the High Lord truly didn't understand what was going on. He wasn't seriously going to make me say it, was he?

"Eat," I demand but they only stare at me with blank eyes and I sigh, my shoulders sagging. "Whoever's orange is gone first I'll make out with," I say and within the blink of an eye all three of their slices of fruit were gone, but I caught Azriel swallowing first so I approach him and take the liberty of sliding over his lap.

He wastes no time before putting his hands on me and pulling me into him, his lips immediately finding mine.

I smile at the citrusy taste still ghosting his tongue as he pushes it into my mouth, tasting every inch he can find like a starved animal, craving more. My hand goes into his hair while his scarred ones slowly slip beneath my dress, gripping me tightly and pinning me down onto his hips, allowing me to feel just how hard he was beneath me.

Desperate, indeed.

"Az," I whine softly and he groans at the sound, his kisses turning sloppy as he loses himself entirely in the taste of me.

"Alright," Cassian's voice calls, familiar, large hands coming to my waist and pulling me off of Azriel's lap with ease, throwing me over a broad shoulder.

"Is this what it's going to be like mated to you three?" I say, still upside down as Cassian's hands roam the backs of my thighs, then higher. "Passed around between you three like some doll?" I say, secretly not minding the idea.

"If you don't want to be passed around," He tosses me down onto a large bed. "We can always share at once," He hums and I had an unshakable feeling that I would be split in half if I took all of them for the first time, at once.

"No, I like being passed around," I say with bright red cheeks and he smirks, guiding me up onto the bed, my head meeting the pillows.

"Then who do you want first?" He hums, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear.

"Rhys," I look to the high lord. "I want Rhys," I say and the violet-eyed male raised a brow, his smirk uncontrollable as he approached the bedside. Cassian moved off of me and Rhys took his place over me, his lips finding mine with ease.

He kisses softly at first but that only last so long before he's leaving my mouth and beginning to nip and suck on my neck, licking over it to soothe the marks. I writhe beneath him, my hands in his dark hair as I ache for more. I reach for his pants, unbuckling his belt with one hand before moving to the ties confining his hardened bulge.

"No darling, you're going to ride me," He says breathily into my neck and my hand halts on his pants. He smirked at my reaction and flipped us over so I was on top. He unzips the back of my dress with ease, helps me slip it off with gentle hands as I straddle over his hips, now completely bare for all three of them, but it was only Rhys' eyes I was focused on at the moment.

I rut my hips down over the imprint in his pants, releasing a soft sigh as the action puts friction on my clit. He smiled up at me and how needy I was for him already.

He takes his pants the rest of the way off, his boxers along with it and I can't help but smile at the sight of him, his tip pulsing and red, and the length of him was intimidating enough on its own. "You think you're ready for me?" He asks, ripping my panties off with an ease I marveled at, but before I could reply to his question he swiped his fingers through my folds and my breath hitched at the stimulation, my arousal soaking his fingers, he pulls them back for me to see and I flush in embarrassment at how wet I already was.

"Oh, darling I've barely touched you," he smirks and I look away from his eyes, attempting to get my blush under control. "There's no need to be shy," He guides my face back to look at him. "Be good and take all of me, yeah?" He arches a dark brow and I nod, placing my hands on his chest as I rise on my knees while he helps align himself with my entrance.

He looks at me pointedly and I nod, then sink myself down onto him, ever so slowly.

"That's it," He grunts out as my cunt swallows around the head of his cock. He throws his head back into the pillows as I sink deeper, reaching the halfway point and clenching around him hard.

My nails scratched down his chest as the unfamiliar stretched, his eyes gleaming with pure lust until eventually my hips pressed against his and I let out a sinful moan as he brushed up against that bundle of nerves deep inside of me, kissing it softly.

"Rhys," I sigh, my nails digging into his abdomen as my cunt twitched around him. His hands come to my hips, slowly guiding me back and forth, manually making me grind on him.

"Fuck, taking me so well," He grits between his teeth, already restraining himself.

My back involuntarily arches as he kisses up against that sensitive spot again, moans tumbling from my lips as I begin to bounce myself up and down on his cock. He smiles hazily, his hands leaving my waist in favor of cupping my breasts, rubbing his calloused thumbs over my peaked nipples. My breath hitched at the sensation, clenching around him tighter as he groped them, tweaking them between his fingers, making my release barrel closer.

"So good for me, getting yourself off on my cock," He admires and I nod, a whimper slipping from my lips as I pull myself out to his tip then let gravity slam me back down onto him, the head of his length pounding into my sacred spot, making me release a lewd moan, screaming out his name as I clamp around the width of him, a ring of white forming around the base of his cock.

"Feels so, so good darling," He says breathlessly. "Such a good girl," He murmurs and I throw my head back at the praise.

"I'm close— Rhys, I can't," I pant out, unable to catch my breath with the way he relentlessly pounded into my cunt. "Me too, fuck— keep doing that," He grunted. "Keep squeezing me so tight, just like that," He instructs and I nod, my pussy taking all of him as he twitches deep inside of me, signaling that he was close.

I go faster, my thighs burning with the movement but I ignore the pain, delighting in the pleasure he was giving me. He pounds into me relentlessly, both of us teetering along that edge, and the moment his hands find my nipples again I'm left helpless, and suddenly I rise to my climax, coming to a crescendo as I meet my peak of pleasure.

I gasp as his warm cum seeps into my cunt, spurting out of his cock with one last clench of my core and he released a thick white liquid. "Gods, such a good girl," He sighs out, his large hands groping my breasts one last time before they dip down to my waist, and help guide me off of his length, laying me back into the bed.

"Cass," I murmured, keeping my legs together in order to hold Rhys' release inside of me. "Cassian, I want you next," I pant out, still not entirely over the high that Rhys left me with but I already wanted more, and lucky for me the male was there quickly, switching with Rhys as he hovers over me, his pants already absent and his cock leaking a milky substance, the sight making my mouth water. He was noticeably wider than Rhys, and I debated whether or not he'd tear me in two.

"Flip around, wanna feel your pretty pussy from behind," He hums and I do as he says, turning onto my stomach and hiking up onto my knees. His calloused hands find my hips, helping me guide them up higher, my back forming a perfect crescent as I keep my face in the pillows and maximize my arch.

"You ready for more sweetheart?" He asks and I nod, tears welling in my eyes as his heavy cock slaps against my soaking folds, my arousal dripping onto him as Rhys' release cascaded down my thighs. He lathers himself in my liquids, his pre-cum adding to the mixture.

"Want you, Cass," I murmur. "Don't hold back," I add and I can practically feel the way he was smirking. His tip prodding against my pulsing entrance.

"Tell me if it's too much alright?" He kisses my shoulder softly, his rough voice gentle as it meets my ear. I nod, but before any more words are spoken he grips my hips tighter and thrusts inside of me.

I gasp, breath being lost on me as I fist the sheets beneath me. "Cass," I cry out, the width of him stretching against my walls, molding me to him.

"Fuck, you feel so good wrapped around me," He sighs out and I gripe, writhing beneath him as he pushes deeper and deeper, forcing my legs wider so he could enter more comfortably.

My breathing is labored as his hips finally snap against my ass. He groans at the feeling of his cock entirely sheathed inside of my cunt, stretching me beyond capacity like a sleeve made just for him.

"Please, Cass," I whine and he leans over me, my back bowing against his chest, his lips coming beside my ear.

"We only just started, sweetheart," He taunted, nipping at my shoulder.

Ever so slowly he pulls out, removing himself only about halfway before slamming back into me with an outmatched force. I screamed at the switch of pace, his thrusts coming quickly, pushing me up the bed.

I reached forward, gripping the headboard to stop my body from unconsciously running away from him. He drove his hips forward harshly, his balls slapping against my folds. His hands left my hips in favor of my ass, handling me roughly as I arched beneath him, feeling his width deeper the lower into the pillows I went.

"Good girl.” He throws his head back, sweat glistening as it rolls down his chest, into the groves of his abdomen. I mewl loudly, incapable of forming words as he fucks me beyond sentences.

"Such pretty noises you're making for me," He hums, his lips ghosting against the shell of my ear. "Am I making you feel good?" He whispers and I swallow thickly, tears brimming my eyes as I nod helplessly, defenseless under him like this. He smirks at my unsolicited actions as I grip around his shaft tighter, delighting in how good it feels as he stretches me.

His hands returned to the curve of my ass, gripping the plush skin in his large hands, loving the way it left red imprints, marking me as his, as theirs.

"Pull my hair," I murmur.

"What was that, pretty girl?" He leans over me and I flush shyly, I knew he heard me the first time.

"Pull my hair," I repeat and he smiles.

"Yeah? You want that?" He wraps his hand around my locks, gripping the back of my skull before tugging on it and I moan, my release catching up to me as he manhandles me, just how I wanted. His grip tightens as I squeeze around his cock, his heavy balls continuing to clap against my neglected folds. "That's it, baby, just like that," He assures, watching as I lose myself in the heat, fire blooming over my skin as my release barrels closer and closer.

"Please," Tears slip down my cheeks. "Let me cum, I’m close," I mewl, gripping the headboard tighter, my nails denting the wood.

"Already?" He teased and I nod, pushing myself back onto his cock and he grunts, twitching inside of me and brushing against my elastic walls. "Go ahead, make a mess sweetheart," He allows and I immediately follow his order, my orgasm ripping through me for the second time tonight, his following soon after, shooting his load of cum into me, filling my every crevice and mixing with Rhysand's inside of me.

I grip at the sheets as he pumps into me one last time and I clamp down on him, milking his cock as he slowly removes himself from me and collapses down onto the bed beside me.

My legs ache as I sink back down into the mattress, my intense high slowly fading away as I flip over onto my back.

I jolt as a cold sensation runs up my thighs, skidding across my waist and meeting my breasts, shadows swirling around the peaks of my nipples, slowly tightening and beginning to tweak the hardened buds.

"Az," I sigh, shaking my head. "I can't," I murmur, far too overstimulated to even think about taking another round.

"You can." He comes between my legs, shadows forming at my thighs and prying them open, forcing them to stay even when I try to close them. I can make out the way Cassian's cum seeps out of my cunt and down my ass, the feeling making my mouth water for Azriel's cum too, wanted all of their release to mix in my womb.

"There's so many things I've wanted to do to you," He leans down, pressing a gentle kiss to my collarbone. "Things I've imagined doing to you," He confesses, beginning to place soft pecks up the side of my neck, to my jaw. "Which one of us do you think of when you touch yourself?" He asks, his lips ghosting over mine and my brows bunch because it'd be a lie if I said I ever thought about just one of them.

"I asked you a question," He purrs, his hands coming to my wrists, gathering them up above my head. "Be a good girl and answer it for me." The tip of his nose runs along the side of my neck before his lips make contact with the side of my throat, teeth grazing over the sensitive flesh.

"All of you," I confess, pulling slightly at my wrists as he lets go but shadows have them pinned down too.

"Yeah? Do you like to imagine all three of us ruining all your pretty, wet holes at once?" He croons, his mouth just beside my ear and I writhe, unable to even grind against my own thighs since his shadows were holding me open, leaving me desperate and vulnerable for his own pleasure.

"Az," I whine.

"Tell me," He demands. "Tell me what you think about when your fingers are stuffed in your needy cunt," He hums and my brows crease at how humiliating this all was.

"I think about all three of you, fucking all my pretty holes," I confess and he smiles proudly.

"Yeah? Does that get you off?" He hums and I nod with a whimper, murmuring a pathetic, "Mhm."

His fingers are barely there as he drags them up my figure, then back down to my hips, keeping me restrained as I clench around nothing.

"I need you inside of me, please," I beg and he manically grins, kissing along my jaw, nipping at it as I continue to pull against his shadows.

"Such a needy little thing aren't you?" He taunts and I nod, agreeing with whatever he wants me to as long as he pushes himself inside of me. "Yeah? Don't worry baby, I'm going to ruin you." He said, his grip tightening on my hips as he pressed his tip to my entrance, and without another warning, pushed inside of me.

I screamed his name loudly at the intense feeling, he didn't waste time and he most definitely wasn't gentle like Rhys, or kind like Cassian, he was fucking me like an animal, and I loved every second of it.

Maybe it was because I was overstimulated but he felt so fucking long inside of me, and when his length was fully sheathed in my cunt I swore he was up against my cervix.

Shadows released my thighs for only a moment so that he could adjust my legs, pulling them up to my sides and putting me into a mating press.

"Gods, you're taking me so well," He admires, staring down at me with low-lidded eyes as I let him withdraw everything he wants from me, his cock nestled deep inside of me as I take him deeper and deeper while he fucked me into the mattress, unrelenting and so very stimulating.

"That's it, so fucking good," He throws his head back at the feeling of my puffy cunt squeezing around him torturously tight. "Gods, I'm going to fuck this wet pussy until you beg me to stop," He groans and I moan at his lewd words, and the sounds of his hips slapping against the backs of my thighs, his full balls smacking into my ass as he continued his rough pace.

He looks down at me, sweat lining my forehead and a permanent blush over my cheeks, tears running down the sides of my face as he uses me.

"You look so pretty tied up like this," He smirks, analyzing my every breath, as if needing to remember this for later.

My mouth is open, moans escaping the base of my throat with each of his thrusts, the head of his long cock kissing my cervix and I scream, my nails digging into my palms as I fight off my orgasm, feeling my encroaching climax grow closer and closer.

"Az—" I start, barely able to get his name out before I'm cut off by another moan. "I have to—" I can't even say it, tears blurring my vision as he continues to pummel into me and I deflect my third release. "You already have to cum baby?" He smirks down at me and I nod, so grateful he understood but my gratitude dwindled away with his next words. "You wanna cum? You think you've earned it?"

I nod fervently, my body aching at the position he had me stuck in. I convulse around the base thick of his cock, the back of my head buried in the pillows as I plead for my climax but he wasn't allowing it until he came too.

I force my legs open wider and he hits into me deeper, earning a grunt of pleasure from him.

"I can't Az," I plead. "I promise, I'll be a good girl just, let me cum," I say and he groans at how I sounded begging for my own release, the sounds of my moans pushing him closer to that edge.

"Alright baby, go ahead, come all over my cock," He commands and I obey without another thought, my release slamming into me hard, resulting in me shaking beneath him, my legs jolting as he slowly unpins them and lets me wrap my legs around his torso, riding out my high as he presses into my cervix and with one last harsh thrust he grunts and releases his seed into my womb, mixing it with Rhysand's and Cassian's.

My cunt is left red and swollen as he removes himself from my entrance, I close my legs as soon as he was gone, not letting any of their releases escape me, keeping it tucked inside. The mating bond affected me so much that I wanted to feel this fucked out all the time, have them fill me at every moment, drunk on their cocks.

"You did so well for us," Azriel hums, sinking into the bed beside me, my ass up against him as I flip onto my side and face Cassian, his lips finding mine, biting at my lower one while Rhys' hands fondle my oversensitive breasts. "Poor baby, she thinks we're done," Azriel hums, his cock hardening again, pressing to my ass.

"Please," I whimper but none of them stop their movements.

"It's time to take us all at once, darling," Rhys said and I gasped as I felt his hand cup my heat.

"You ready, sweetheart?" Cass asks and I can only nod helplessly.

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[daydreaming-nerd]

I’ll Crawl Home To Her (Azriel x Reader) 

AN: This was supposed to be based off But Daddy I Love Him but it morphed into something else but I'm kinda happy about it.

Summary: The story of how the princess of Velaris and the shadowsinger came to be.

Warnings: blood, injury, dickhead dads, bit of smut but it's not too descriptive (It's for the plot), angst, fluffy ending.

Word count: 8053

As a princess I was told that “hate” is a very strong word. Consequently, there weren’t a lot of things that I hated. For example, I greatly disliked when my tea came with too much milk, and I absolutely despised corsets. But if there was one thing I hated, and I mean truly hated, it was my father. 

If it wasn’t for the way he treated my mother and older brother then it would be the way he treated me. How he kept me from my beloved, my brother's best friend, the shadowsinger, my Azriel.  

Azriel had been mine long before my father ever knew about it. When I grew to be 207 my mother finally convinced my father to let me go to Windhaven with her to visit Rhys. I hadn’t seen my brother in years, as he had begun training with the Illyrians. 

He wrote me letters of course, detailing friends and enemies he made along the way. Two of which stood out to me, Cassian and Azriel. However these letters never made up for him in the flesh, which is why during my first trip to Windhaven I had never been so excited. To this day I still remember it…

The winter wind stung my cheeks as snow clung to the furs of my cloak. It was as if no matter how many layers I wore the wind found its way to barrel through and nip at my skin. 

I found myself walking along the edge of the camp, where the light of the fires couldn't reach me and only the moon gave me the ability to see. When my mother and I arrived at the little cabin Rhys was not there, after speaking to Devlon we found he was on assignment and would be home soon. 

After a few hours in the cabin I began to feel claustrophobic, so I took a walk around the heavily wooded area. There was something magic about the first snow of the season. The way the snow covered the ground and crunched under my boots. White capped trees that looked like they were frosted by the gods, and the still silence that came from the insulation the blanket of white provided.  

“It’s a little cold out don’t you-” a voice crooned behind me and stopped abruptly as I turned to face him. 

Standing frozen just a few feet from me was an Illyrian male with his mouth agape at the sight of me. He was large, his wings the biggest I had ever seen. Inky black hair framed his carved face as his hazel eyes frozen in shock as if he had just seen a ghost. 

“Forgive me,” he said, shaking his head a bit, as if to clear the fog from his mind. “It’s just that I don’t see many beautiful things up here, you startled me.” 

My cheeks flush and I pray he thinks it's from the cold and not the butterflies in my stomach. 

“I find that hard to believe when this is your view,” I smile, gesturing to the snow valley below us. “There’s nothing more beautiful than the first snowfall of the year.”

Footsteps crunch behind me as he comes up on my right, “Perhaps, but it pales in comparison to you,” he smirks and this time I know he can tell he’s the reason my cheeks are pink. “Might I have the honor of knowing your name?” 

I turn to meet his gaze once more but before I can answer back I hear a shout coming from far away. 

“Y/N!” my brother shouts charging towards me. 

“Rhys!” I call back running into his embrace. 

He lets out a groan as I leap into his arms, a pile of furs and wool as I pull him into me. The scent of sea salt and citrus filling my nose, the warmth of him seeping through my clothes. 

“Ahh little sister I’ve missed you,” Rhys says, setting me down to get a good look at me. 

“Little sister?” called the male behind me, his snow crunching footsteps coming towards Rhysand and I’s side. 

“It seems you’ve already met her, this is my little sister,  y/n.”Rhys beams, placing a hand on my shoulder. “Y/n this is my very good friend, Azriel.” 

“Azriel,” I blink, holding out my hand for the shadowsinger to shake. How had I not realized? Rhysand’s letters spoke of his shadowsinger friend, now that I looked at him, and I mean really looked at him, I could see the dark matter swirling around him. 

“Princess,” he says, bowing his head and pressing a kiss to my hand. “It is an honor to meet you. You’ll have to forgive my previous informality, I didn’t know who you were.” 

Rhysand let out a hearty laugh behind me, “Azriel my friend there is no need for such formalities, in fact my sister detests them.” he smiles. 

“It’s true, you can just call me y/n, I’m sure that we’ll be seeing a lot more of each other in the years to come.” I smile hoping I was speaking the truth into existence. 

“Come, mother has made dinner for all of us and you have yet to meet Cassian,” Rhys said enthusiastically, throwing an arm over my shoulder. 

From that day forward I found myself spending more and more time at Windhaven, in hopes of seeing Azriel. Sometimes I would see him for only a minute or so, other times he would be able to stay and have dinner with my mother, myself and of course Rhys and Cass. 

Those were always my favorite nights when he and I would share stolen glances across the table. Sometimes we might brush hands reaching for the carafe of wine, other times I would feel his boot brush my ankle under the table. Both of us danced around the other like flickering flames. 

It wasn’t until a few years later when all three of them conquered the blood rite that Azriel and I were finally able to admit our feelings for one another…

We stood behind one of the many rows of cabins, the sound of laughing warriors celebrating their victories or mourning their losses ran through the camp. Before he even spoke I knew why he asked me to meet him back here, I could feel the tension between us both. 

“I’m tired of acting like I don’t care about you. I’m tired of saying “nothing” whenever Rhys and Cassian ask me what’s on my mind. I’m tired of trying to hide that everytime I come back to camp that I’m looking for you and hoping I can see you for just one second. I’m tired of pretending I don’t love you,” Azriel confesses, caging me against the back wall of a cabin. 

“Azriel I-” I begin but he cuts me off.

“When we were on the mountain, there was a moment where there was a dagger to my throat and I thought I was going to die. I thought I would leave this world without telling you how much I loved you. If it wasn’t for Cassian that would’ve been the case. I won’t make the same mistakes twice,” he finished. 

“Azriel, I love you too,” I shuddered a sigh, aware of how close he was to me. 

The second the words left my mouth he was on me, large hands encircling my waist as I felt every inch of his body pressed against mine. His breath was hot on my face, contrasting the bitter cold of the night air.  

“Can I kiss you?” he breathed,  lips mere inches from mine. 

“Please,” I begged, but once again the word hung in the air for mere seconds before his mouth was on mine. 

Every part of it felt so right. His hands on my waist, my fingers in his hair, his lips on mine claiming me in a way that made my head spin. My arms pulled him as close as possible, needing to feel him, smell that scent of rain, leather and whatever intoxicating cologne he was wearing.  I was so drunk on him that I was shaken when I heard a hearty laugh ring out through the camp. 

I pulled back immediately realizing what was happening, “Oh my gods, we can’t do this here, my brother he-” 

“Shhh, shhh,” he cooed, brushing a stray hair behind my ear. “I talked to Rhys about it, I have his blessing to court you. He took it rather well, he actually seemed excited.” Azriel laughed, pressing a kiss to my forehead as he held me closer, his body blocking the wind from seeping into my clothes. 

“Oh Azriel,” I smile, kissing him hard as I feel him lifting me into the air, my head spinning just as fast as he spun me. 

We spent the rest of that night lying on a blanket in a field away from the world. The sound of distant celebrations making us laugh every now and then. At some point I could’ve sworn I heard Cassian singing a tale of an old drunk warrior.

I had tried to tell Azriel that he should join his brothers in their celebration but he insisted that he would much rather spend his few moments of peace with me. It was one of the best nights of my life. 

Our relationship was kept secret from everyone but Rhys and Cassian. Even my mother, who always accompanied me to Windhaven, was kept in the dark. No one with close ties to my father could know. That being said, it was hard for Azriel and I to find quiet moments together. 

Most of the time we met in the woods behind camp. Azriel would go away and bring me little trinkets, pretty rocks and feathers he found while in the mountains. In the spring he always came with a freshly picked bouquet of wildflowers. We always ended up making out and getting carried away, on more than one occasion I tried to take things further but he never let me. 

“I won’t have the first time I bed you in the woods. You’re a princess, you deserve a soft bed to be worshiped on.” 

Was what he always said to me. While I appreciated the sentiment, I couldn’t help but wish for more. 

It wasn’t until a few months later that I finally saw an opening. Father and mother were going to be at a meeting in the Winter Court, leaving Velaris in the care of Rhys. More importantly the cabin at Windhaven would be empty. That night was truly the best night of my life.

My back hits the warm sheets below me as Azriel looks at my bare body with hungry eyes. I had never been with a male before, my father and mother dead set on having me intact for whatever husband they shackled me to. But Azriel would be my husband, even if he wasn’t noble or the son of a High Lord he was mine, and I was his. I didn’t care how many rules I had to break to have him. 

“My beautiful, beautiful princess,” he murmurs, pressing kisses to my neck. 

His hands wander the expanse of my bare skin, both warming and leaving goosebumps wherever they trail. I arch my back into him, needing more, needing the very essence of him branded into me. 

“Azriel I need more,” I breathe tugging on the ends of his hair. 

He had already stripped me bare and kissed every square inch of me before falling to his knees and feasting on me like I was his last meal. I had read about such sinful touches before, dreamt about experiencing those sensations with him at night. None of it compared to the real thing. 

“Are you sure about this?” He asks me once more, brushing the hair from my face. 

“I’m sure, I want it to be you,” I nod running my hands through his hair again. 

The wild twinkle in his eyes was enough to make my toes curl as he smiled at me, “I promise to be gentle, to make you feel good,” he whispers, pressing a kiss to my lips. 

“I trust you Az,” I nod and his lips kick up again at his nickname. 

I feel him nudge and my entrance and my breath hitches as he inches himself inside. The stretch was painful, but the sting faded as he peppered kisses all over my face, whispering sweet nothings to me.

“Shh you’re doing so well princess…”

“You’re so beautiful…” 

“Can you feel me? Can you feel us?” 

“I love you…” 

I must’ve seen stars a million times that night. His gentle nature only made me fall deeper in love with him. It wasn’t the brutal fucking I had heard about in taverns and from drunk men at balls. He had taken his time, and been even more gentle than he had promised me. 

We made love a dozen times that night. Kissed and touched and worshiped until I fell asleep, bathed and warm in his arms.

The next morning was hard to face. Knowing we had to leave the cabin and act as if we didn’t spend the entire night exchanging souls, and tangled in eachothers arms. 

Az especially was on edge, so much so that when a younger male offered to tie my boot for me Azriel marched over and pushed him into the mud before pulling my foot onto his bent knee and tying it himself. 

Of course I yelled at him for being an Illyrian baby while Rhys and Cassian laughed and poked fun at their friend. Azriel just huffed and shot a warning glance at the poor male who had tried to tie my boot. 

From there on out we spent every possible moment together. I would tell my father that I was visiting friends in other courts just so I could see Azriel, which wasn’t often. As the war between humans and fae grew more iminanent I saw less and less of the shadowsinger. Our meetings became more fervent, and well��passionate. We became careless and it’s what ended up tearing him away from me for good.  

My back was pressed against the cabin wall, my hands pinned by my head as Azriel’s lips consumed mine. We had no longer than an hour together before he would be set back to scout for Hybern’s troops, but we intended to make the most of it. 

“I missed you,” he breathed into my neck. 

“I missed you too, two weeks is too long,” I murmured, breathing in his scent. He always left me one of his many shirts to sleep in but it never did compare to the real thing. 

“I don’t have much time, they’re sending me to the border to scout for Hybern’s troops,” he says in between kisses. 

Scarred hands drift over my waist and graze my bum as I feel him collecting fist fulls of my skirt. Before my dress can be pushed up much further than my knees the door to the cabin barges open, startling both of us. Azriel  placed his hand on one of the daggers strapped to his side, but not even he could defend me from who stepped through the threshold. 

“What the hells is going on here?” My father’s voice boomed from the doorway, the cold air from outside seeping into the place that was once our own. 

I peek out from behind Azriel’s shoulder to find not only my father but Lord Devlon standing before us. My fathers eyes locked on mine, and white hot fear seared my nerves. 

“What are you doing with my daughter?!” My father roared, his power slamming Azriel aside. 

“Father no!” I scream, clinging to his arm to interrupt his antics. 

Devlon screamed for backup to come as Azriel’s feet hit the floor again. The commotion outside beginning to stir. 

“My lord, I-” Azriel starts to explain but my father cuts him off. 

“You will not speak unless spoken to, you bastard born brute!” my father screams as Devlon’s men come to detain the Shadowsinger. 

“Father stop it! He didn’t take advantage of me, we’ve been seeing each other.” I plead with my father as tears start to well up in my eyes. 

“What?!” he scoffed, looking at me like I was a common whore. “You are promised to one of the sons of Spring and yet you soil yourself with filth of his kind?” 

“He’s not filth. He’s Rhys’ friend, and he’s good, brave and kind.” I beseech him as I hear Azriel struggle against the men who have him bound.

My father takes a deep breath and turns his gaze from me. The sound of his boots crossing the wooden floors to stand before Azriel are the loudest most impending sound I had ever heard. He stands before my shadowsinger before raising his hand and letting his fist collide with that beautiful face I had spent so long kissing. 

My gasp reverberates through the room but Azriel doesn’t make a sound, as if he’s challenging my father, or proving his worth. 

“What should we do with him?” my father asks, not taking his eyes off Az. 

“The boy has completed the rite, we can send him to one of the battalions on the border. Perhaps the trash will take itself out,” Devlon laughs. I had known that the Lord had a chip on his shoulder for my brother and his friends. But sending him to the slaughter? 

“Father please I love him!” I cry falling to my knees before my father, grasping his hand. I would never beg my father for anything, never fall to my knees for anyone. But for this I would… for Azriel, I would die on my knees. 

Despite my pleading my fathers gaze never falters from where it is fixed on Azriel. As if he’s trying to decide if he should slit his throat now or let him die on a battlefield. Azriel’s face remains steadfast and strong, showing no signs of weakness, like he will accept whatever punishment befalls him with the grace of a warrior.

“Send him,” he says resolutely before turning away. 

“NO PLEASE!” I beseech as my father hauls me to my feets again, but my knees are giving out under me. 

“It is done,” his gruff voice says in my ear as I watch them haul Azriel to his feet. “One day you’ll thank me.” 

I watch as they pull Azriel toward the door. Dragging him unnecessarily letting his wings drape across the ground. It was all happening so fast and could be the last time I ever saw his face.

“Let me say goodbye! Please let me say goodbye!” I shouted thrashing in my fathers grasp. Needing to touch Az one last time, needing one more moment with him. 

Azriel’s eyes were frantic as he heard my screams, as he watched my father use his strength to detain me.  

“Listen! Listen!” he called trying to get me to stop my frantic blubbering, the guards pulling him out the door. “You have to be strong princess. I love you , and I will find you again, if not in this life than in the next!” he shouts as he is hauled past the threshold of the cabin. 

“Azriel!” I scream, my voice cracking under the weight of my tears. 

“I love you!” he shouts again from the outside of the cabin. 

“I love you!” I call back to him, not knowing if I’ll ever get another chance to say it. 

That was six months ago...

Since then the war had gotten more and more bloody, and unavoidable. As far as I knew Azriel was still alive. I hadn’t seen him since the night he was ripped from my arms, a night I often had nightmares about. I sent him letters whenever possible and every so often I would get one back. 

I could tell he had tried to send more, as every date on the ones that did make it through were skewed. The most recent one, dated two months ago, burned a hole in the pocket of my dress. The folds were so worn from reading  that I feared they may fall apart the next time I opened it. 

My love, 

I am alive and well, though my battalion has suffered great losses. More and more Illyrians are sent to the frontlines every day to take the place of the dead. There are times I wonder if a wide eyed recruit will ever take my place…

At night I lie in bed and dream of you lying next to me, your warmth. Or the way your hair looks sprawled in swirling over the green grass when you’re under me. The sound of your voice calling my attention. The softness of your hands. The night you came undone for me in the cabin.

 My only consolation is that when I look up at the night sky. I know you are looking at those same stars. And if what I’m doing is keeping you safe. Keeping you fed and swathed in those blue silks that drive me crazy. Then I will sleep in this tent and fight alongside my peers happily. My love is safe and warm because of me. 

I love you, and I will return to you. 

Yours eternally, 

Azriel

I fold the tattered parchment with gloved hands and tuck it securely into the pocket of my dress. The shouts of men and the clash of swords outside my tent drown out the peace I had struggled to preserve. 

Hybern’s army had marched on Velaris and while the border hadn’t been breached, my father decided it was unsafe to leave my mother and I there. My mother was sent to a camp with my father where he would watch over her, I was sent to Rhys’ camp.

 The flap of the tent is thrown open, my brother charges in wearing his leathers, his hair disheveled and a letter in hand. 

“What is it?” I stand upon seeing the worry gracing his face.    

Armies had been marching upon another camp a few miles away. If they had breached the encampment that would mean they were coming for us next. We would have just minutes to evacuate and find a safe place. 

“The men were able to hold the front lines,” he says, setting down his swords with a sigh that told me that there was still news to be revealed. 

“Then what is it?” I asked quietly, unsure of whether or not I wanted to know the truth he had to say. 

Violet eyes met my own, in them, a sorrow and worry I had not yet seen from my brother, “It’s Azriel.” he said. 

My heart stopped and my world quieted as I perched myself on a nearby chair, not trusting my legs to keep me upright. Not when my heart lay in the balance, the very reason I was alive.

“He was injured, severely. He may be dying y/n.” he said sadly, coming to stand before me. 

May be dying. Which meant he was alive, which meant there was still a chance. 

My head snaps up to him, a new fire in my gaze that no one had seen in six months. 

“Take me to him,” I ordered my brother as I stood to collect my cloak. 

“You’re asking me to take you, my sister, to the front lines. I won’t do it.” Rhys shakes his head. 

“I am going with or without you Rhys,” I say firmly, wrapping my cloak around my shoulders. 

He sighs and runs a hand through his hair before picking his swords up again and strapping them to his sides. With my hood over my head and my brother's hand at my back we made our way out into the night. Once we reached the wards at the edge of the camp we winnowed to the encampment near the frontlines.  

Immediately as we walked through the rows of tents and campfires I could tell that these males had seen hell. All of them looked significantly worse than the males at the camp we had just come from. Most of them were caked in mud and blood, some were drunk on whatever filled their cups. All of them were loud and rowdy and most likely celebrating their last nights in this life.  

Rhys led me through the camp, until we arrived at a lonely tent in the center. It was large and from the outside I could practically smell Azriel. I bolted for the entrance and threw open the flaps, my heart racing, unsure if I would find him alive or dead. 

But there he was, breathing. Leaning against the back of his bed with a large bandage over his left thigh. He was awake and refreshingly himself, as if nothing was truly wrong and most importantly he was alive. 

I run to him throwing my arms around his neck, “Oh Azriel,” I coo breathing him in. 

“Y/n?” he says, his mind clearly still foggy. 

I pull back to cup his face, whoever had healed him has cleaned him up, the small cut above his eyebrow already starting to heal, “Az,” I breathe. 

His hand comes to cup my face, “How are you here? This can’t be real,” his eyes search my face as if to try and wake up from a dream. 

I place a kiss on his lips, “I’m real, I’m here,” I assure him as tears spill from my eyes. “They told me you were dying.” 

“I am well, it was a deep cut but the healers say I’ll be okay,” he assures me as his eyes continue to take me in. 

I let my eyes do the same, taking in every cut and bruise on him, even the patched holes in his wings no doubt from arrows piercing the beautiful, leathery flesh. 

“Faebane?” Rhys’ voice croons from the entrance of the tent as he watches us, it seemed that his nerves were also settled upon seeing Azriel well. 

“Yep,” Azriel said nonchalantly, but his eyes told the truth of how happy he was to see my brother, or maybe how relieved. 

“Hurts like a bitch doesn’t it?” Rhys chuckles stepping into the tent and closing the flap. 

My eyes widened at his causal tone, “How can you both be so docile about this? He could’ve died.” I exclaim, looking Azriel over once more in case I missed any lingering wounds. 

Azriel's chest rumbles with a chuckle, “Shhh my love. Everything will be alright.” he says, pressing a kiss to my forehead. “But what are you doing here? It isn’t safe.”

“The border of Velaris is almost breached,” Rhys started from behind me. “We couldn’t leave her and my mother there, it wasn’t safe.” 

“Mother is with father and I’m with Rhys. We found out you were injured and just a camp away and I asked him to take me to you.” I continue Rhys’ explanation. 

Azriel cuts Rhys a somewhat harsh look as if to say ‘why the hell would you take her somewhere so dangerous?’

“You needed to see each other,” Rhys explains further. “If anything were to happen to you and I didn’t let you two say goodbye, I would never forgive myself.”

Azriel’s shoulders softened in understanding before turning to me once more, “You have to go princess,” he said, eyes full of sorrow.

My breath hitches as I stumble back a little from where I sit next to him, “What? No, I won’t leave you,” I say resolutely.

He cups the side of my face, “Please it’s not safe here,” he eyes pleading as his voice falters. 

I go to argue but Rhys speaks up behind me, “He’s right y/n, It’s the most vulnerable camp we have.” my brother says, his words solemn. 

“I don’t care!” I exclaim turning back to brush Azriel’s hair from his face. “I’m not leaving him Rhys, we will be okay.”

Azriel’s eyes flare, “Look at me!” he shouts gesturing to his leg. “I can’t protect you here,” his voice is laced with frustration, not at my unwillingness to leave, but his inability to do the one thing he swore to always do, protect me. 

“Then I’ll die here with you!” I proclaim, fiercely. “If you cannot protect me, then you cannot protect yourself. Please Azriel, please don’t make me leave.” I cry lying down on his chest, gripping the leathers there, as if it might keep my brother from ripping me away.

“I can’t,” I sob as my words get caught in my throat. “I can’t lose you again I-” 

“Shhh,” Azriel coos, his hand stroking my hair as he pulls me into his chest. “You’ll stay here in my arms.” he assures me and I’m finally able to relax into his touch.  

“Y/n, I can’t stay here. I need to go back to my own troops and prepare them for tomorrow,” my brother said softly, not trying to persuade me to return, but to inform me of the increasing danger.

“I understand,” I say standing to say goodbye.

“I’ll come back for you tomorrow morning, before the troops march,” he said, his words tinged with sorrow. 

I take in the sight of my brother looking defeated, a look I so rarely saw on him. It broke me to realize I might never see him after this. If the enemy marched on this camp there would be no one to keep Azriel and I from the slaughter given his injury. 

“Okay,” I whispered, my voice cracking as I threw myself onto my beloved brother. 

Rhys said his goodbyes to Azriel, both of them not wanting to get too deep, say too much, for fear of manifesting defeat on both sides. When my brother exited the tent I took my spot next to Azriel on his large cot and waited for either death or the sunrise.  

Later in the night, the raucous from outside got louder and louder disturbing my sleep. When I raised my head from Azriel’s chest I found that his eyes remained open and fixed on the tent entrance, like he was ready to challenge anyone who dared to walk through despite his inability to walk. 

“Hey,” I smiled weakly, my voice shaky from sleep. 

“Hey,” he smiled back, pushing a hair from my face. 

I moved back the blanket to check the gash in his thigh. Lifting the white bandage, I could see that it was almost completely soaked through, if I left it that way he would never get better.

I throw my legs over the edge of the cot and search for my discarded cloak, “You need fresh bandages or you’ll get an infection. I’m going to go get you some.” 

“Y/n  don’t you dare leave this tent. There are war bound men out there looking for one last lay before they leave this world,” he pleads, reaching for my hand that’s just out of reach. 

“I’ll only be a moment Az,” I assure him before raising my hood and slipping out of the tent. 

I can hear him shouting my name as I exit, but his protests are quickly drowned out by the sound of drunken men. Azriel was right, these men were drunk and not in their right mind. But if that wound got infected and he died I would never forgive myself. So I kept my head down walking towards the medic tent I passed on my way in, ignoring rambunctious cheers and stumbling men. 

The light of the medic tent comes into view and relief washes over me swiftly before the rug is pulled out from under me and I run smack into a broad chest.

“Well what do we have here?” laughs a drunken male. I can smell the sweat and alcohol on him. 

“Looks like we have a little birdy who lost her way,” laughs a male from my right.

My feet take two steps back before bumping into another mountain of a male. His hand comes up to rip the hood off my head, if all three of them recognized me as their princess they didn’t show it. My pulse began to race as I frantically looked for a way out of this hell. 

“What’s a beauty like you doing out here?” crooned the male behind me.

I put on a stoic face, “I’m leaving if you’ll excuse me,” I state, but before I can even take my first step I feel large hands grasping my shoulders holding me in place.

“Whoever bought you for the night must’ve paid a pretty penny,” jested the man to my right. 

“What do ya say darlin? Are you gonna give these brave men a proper send off?” the man behind me says low into my ear as he grabs me around the middle, plucking me off the ground.

I start kicking trying to break free, my screamed muffled by his hand over my mouth. All the trashing in the world wasn’t enough to break their hold as the other two males descended upon me, as if they were willing to take me right there in the middle of camp. 

“I’ll thank you to take your hands off my princess,” drawled a voice from behind me. 

The eyes of the three men surrounding me went wide at whatever figure stood behind us, all three of them scurrying off to gods knew where. I turn slowly to face whoever my rescuer was, and I’m met with a mountain of sheer muscle and bright red siphons. 

“Cassian!” I cried running to throw my arms around the burly warrior, I hadn’t seen him in over a year. 

He hugs me tighter, the kind of bear hug only he could provide. It was clear to me that he missed me just as much as I had missed him. When he releases me he bends down to cup my face, and wipe away the tears I didn’t know had fallen. 

“Princess, what are you doing here? Where is your brother?” he asked, brows furrowed.

“Rhys brought me here but he’s gone now, he’s gone back to his own camp but he’ll be back tomorrow,” I say as Cassian continues to wipe away the fresh tears, this time tears of happiness and not fear.

Cassain stands up as if to assess for danger before tossing an arm around me, “Stay with me, I’ll keep you safe. Where is Azriel? I was told he was injured,” he asks, remaining vigilant.  

“He’s okay, I was just getting him fresh bandages,” I report, pointing Cassian towards the medic tent. 

“He let you leave his tent?!” he balks corralling me inside the tent. 

“Uh, no. Not really,” I laugh nervously. 

He rolls his eyes and grabs a few armfuls of bandages before shoving them into my arms. We weave through drunken men who do a good job of staying at least three feet away from me, no doubt seeing The Lord of Bloodshed trailing me. 

I throw open the flap of Azriel’s tent, running to his side at once. 

“Oh thank the mother,” he sighs in relief upon seeing me. 

I laugh at his fussing and begin dressing his wound, “Look who I found,” I say nodding my head to where Cassian stands behind me.

“I believe I found you,” Cassian corrects me, sheer amusement in his voice. 

“Cass!” Azriel beams as his brother gives him an affectionate smack on the shoulder. 

“Brother you look a little worse for wear,” Cassian chuckles looking at the wound I was currently cleaning.

“I’ve been better,” Azriel winces as I wrap the wound in a clean bandage.

“I heard what happened and came as soon as I could. Ran right into your princess here, causing trouble as usual,” the warrior chortles beside me making me roll my eyes. 

“What?” Azriel asked, more alert than he previously was. 

“You were right, the men out there are assholes,” I scoff, tying off the fresh bandage. 

“Did they touch you?” he inquired, his eyes ablaze. 

“Az it’s fine Cass was there,” I assure him placing a hand on his shoulder feeling the palpable tension there, like he was ready to pounce.

“Y/n did they put their hands on you?” he asks again, this time more unyielding than before. 

“Yes but look at me, I'm fine!” I say with an exasperated sigh. 

Azriel’s eyes flit to Cassian as he extends his hand to his brother, like he needs support. 

“Cassian help me up,” he orders, already scooting to the edge of the cot.

“Azriel don’t you dare!” I shout smacking his chest. “Enough with the territorial, Illyrian nonsense! You’re injured, you’re going to get yourself killed!” 

The shadowsingers body slumps back into bed in defeat with a huff, clearly upset he couldn’t pummel the shit out of a couple of lowly males who weren’t worth it in the first place. 

Cassian’s chuckle reverberated through the tent, “Good to see you two picking up right where you left off,” he joked, remembering all the times we had similar quarrels. 

It was the early hours of morning, and while the sun was still hiding behind the mountains, it would be rearing its ugly head soon enough. The partying and cheering from outside the tent had died down. Men either passing out drunk or choosing sleep over thoughts of what might happen tomorrow.

Cassian snored softly in the corner of the tent in the chair he took up. He had elected to stay behind and watch over us at Azriel’s request and I was smart enough to not argue with two Illyrians. 

I layed on Azriel’s chest, waiting for sleep to claim me but it never came. Sleep didn’t find Azriel as well, his hand twirling through the strands of my unbound hair as we sat in silence. 

“You know what kept me alive out there on that battlefield after I was injured?” Azriel whispered into the night. 

“A healer that I’ll be paying a very handsome bonus to?” I laugh squeezing my arms around him a bit.

“No, you” he said seriously rubbing my shoulder 

“Me?” I gawk, sitting up so I could look him in the eye. 

“Yes, you,” he smiled, pressing a kiss to my forehead.  “When I was downed they thought I was dead. Horses and men clamored over me. It was all so loud, such a blur but then I closed my eyes and there you were.” he said looking at the canopy of the tent, as if remembering the event.

“It was a memory from the first time I saw you, before I even knew who you were. You were standing in the snow waiting for Rhys and your mother and there was snow all over your hair. It was the first snow of the year and you were entranced just like you always are.” He chuckles, pulling me closer. “But I knew then and there that I had to open my eyes. Had to get up. Even if it was just to see your face one more time, kiss your lips, tell you I love you. I woke up in this tent reeling from it. I could’ve sworn you were here, in the vision I felt your touch. And then hours later you storm in here with your fussing and worrying.” he says. 

I feel a tear roll down my face as I cup his face, pulling his gaze from the canopy to me. I pulled his letter out of my dress pocket, the paper flopping about from how many times it had been folded and unfolded. 

“I kept this letter with me every single day. I must’ve read it a hundred times, hells I might even have it memorized.” I laugh, shaking the paper in my hands. “I never once gave up hope that I would see you again. No matter what happens after tonight I still won’t give up hope. I know I’ll find you again.”

Azriel chuckles, pressing his forehead to mine, “I’d crawl home to you if I had to princess,” he says resolutely. 

I wake the next morning to the sound of men moving about outside the tent and an empty cot. The covers before me are still disheveled from where Azriel slipped out from under me. I threw the blankets off the bed and pulled my cloak from where I set it last night, fastening it to my shoulders. 

When I toss open the flaps of the tent I’m momentarily blinded by the bright sun before the sight of men collecting their weapons and armor come into focus. My eyes darted frantically for a trace of Azriel, surely he couldn’t have gone far, surely he wasn’t going to fight today. 

“Azriel!” I call out roaming around looking for a flash of a blue siphon. 

Heavy footsteps come up behind me grabbing my arm and I turn around to be met with Cassian. I looked back to the tent and realized he had been keeping watch outside. 

“Cass, where is he?” I ask him, but all I’m met with is a heavy gaze from Cassian. 

“Y/n?” calls a voice from behind me and I turn to see my father, mother and brother walking towards us.  

My mother runs over to me taking me into her arms and holding me close. It was clear to me that they had found Rhys and instantly questioned why I wasn’t under his care. 

“Thank the gods,” my mother breathed taking in my unharmed appearance. 

“You smell like that Illyrian brute,” my father sneered and I knew right away he ment Azriel. 

“He could have been dying,” I reply with equal venom, my gaze narrowing at the man who went through such great lengths to keep us apart. 

“Of course, why do you think I sent him to the frontlines again today?” he scoffed, already turning his attention to the hordes of men preparing for battle. 

My blood turned to ice in my veins and my heart plummeted. 

“What?” I cried looking at Rhys who wore a solemn look on his face. “Rhys, you knew?” 

My brother lets out a shaky breath, “I knew before we even arrived last night. When he tried to get you to leave I used daemati to tell him he was being sent to the front lines. He knew it would be the last time he ever saw you.” he confessed.

He knew. 

Haste clouds my mind and I turn to run in the same direction with the rest of the men, my father and brother joining their ranks without another word. My mother catches me around the shoulders and pulls me into her embrace as my knees hit the muddy ground beneath us. 

“No, no, no, no no!” I scream trying to run to the front, as if I could keep Azriel from death myself. 

“The battle is not yet over sweetheart, he may still live,” My mother coos stroking my hair. 

“He was injured mother,” my words come out as sobs as I cling to her cloak. 

“Have faith,” she pleads, kneeling on the ground with me, trying to calm me as best she can. 

“Azriel,” I cry. “My Azriel.” 

I give into my mothers embrace and after a while she ushers me toward a tent. She wipes my face with a cool towel trying to calm my swollen eyes, but it’s no use. Every war cry, and ear rupturing blast feels like the one that takes Azriel’s life. Each one sends me back into a mess of shallow breaths and tears. 

Only when the battle cries fade, and the blasts of siphons and raw power cease do my tears stop. Soldiers and Illyrains come filtering back to the camp, some whole, some being carried by their peers. My brother and Cassain are the first to find us. Rhys was unharmed, but Cassian was wheeled to a healer immediately. Thankfully, she claimed he would be alright.

I took to the masses, weaving through men making their way back occasionally running into some as my eyes were focused on the skies. Searching amongst the hordes of Illyrians flying in. If Azriel was anywhere it would be there. 

“Azriel!” I shouted, my voice going hoarse from the screaming I had been doing. 

More and more Illyrians fly overhead, not one of them resembling my Azriel. If he was amongst them he would see me standing out like a sore thumb amongst the rabble, going against the grain of everyone before me.   

“AZRIEL!” I call out even louder, cupping my hands around my mouth as if it will help. 

“Y/N!” 

I hear my voice being called, not from the skies, but from the ground. My eyes snap to the crowds before me before I see a pair of wings over the top of a million heads. 

“AZRIEL?!” I call out moving in the direction of the voice that called to me. 

Then I see him, my Azriel. The wound on his leg is split open and his wings are pierced with a dozen arrows which explains his inability to fly. But he’s there, and he’s whole, and alive.

“Y/n!” he calls out to me again. 

I pick up the skirts of my dress running to him, my shoulders bumping into all the men I weave around. I jump into his arms feeling him pick me up, pulling me impossibly close. 

“Oh Az,” I breathe running a hand through his hair as my feet hit the ground again, his eyes assessing me for any injury. “My love, I thought I would never see you again,” I cried. 

His thumbs wipe away my tears as he cups my face, “Death, nor a thousand evil men could keep me from you,” he smiled before pulling me into his chest. 

As we hold each other, the chaos around us fades into the background. For a moment, time stands still, and all that matters is that we are together. He was here, in my arms and he was alive. Both of us were, and there were many more years ahead of us. Many, many more years. 

Epilogue: third person pov

Rhysand and Feyre stood in the living room of the townhouse. The world outside was near silent as Velaris slept, having spent the day celebrating solstice. Even the faelights in the home seemed to have dimmed. Members of the Inner Circle worked to clean the dessert plates off the table where they had their magnificent feast.

“And that’s their story,” Rhys finished saying to his mate, rubbing her shoulder as they continued to admire the scene before them.

On the large couch before them y/n was asleep on top of an even sleepier Azriel, his arms, legs and wings all but draping off the edges just to keep her comfortable. 

When Feyre stumbled into the adorable scene it had occurred to her that she had never heard the story of how the two came to be. Rhysand was more than happy to tell her the tale of forbidden love and near death experiences. 

“They’ve been through so much,” Feyre said, leaning into Rhysand’s touch. 

“They truly have,” Rhys nods, pressing a kiss to his mate's temple. “But now they get to eat too much turkey every solstice and skip out on dish duty so I think it worked out okay.” he chuckles. 

Feyre slaps him on the chest playfully but laughs right along with them watching as the pair lounges on the couch, mouths open and completely and utterly relaxed. The High Lord and Lady turn from the living room to rejoin the rest of their family in the kitchen. There would be time to make fun of the princess and the shadowsinger tomorrow. 

They had all the time in the world.

my masterlist

Permanent Taglist: @fides25, @dissociated-always @crystalferret202 , @kennedy-brooke , @sunshineangel-reads , @lilah-asteria , @evergreenlark , @cheneyq

Taglist: @andreperez11

[mxstellatayte]

next door kind of love.

warnings: none, just some childhood best friends to lovers and tooth-rotting fluff. make your dentist's appointments now yall.

growing up living next door to the sargeants was an interesting experience. your parents were friends, having bonded when logan's parents moved in a few months after your own parents had. then, a few years later, they had dalton. just over a month after dalton's first birthday, you came along, and then eight months after you, on new year's eve, logan was born.

the three of you were inseparable as you grew up. you'd accompany them to their races and they'd support you at your roller derby tournaments. they would find a new way to climb the tree in your back yard and you would set a time record for climbing that route. the three of you had more inside jokes than you could count, made up more backyard games than anyone could ever begin to comprehend, and trusted each other beyond the ends of the earth.

when the sargeants moved to switzerland, though, you were crushed. sure, their plan was to only stay for two years, but those two years started to feel like an unbearable eternity after just the first month.

"mama," you said, a bite of peanut butter and jelly sandwich in your mouth, "i miss logie and dalt. when are they coming back?"

"not for a long time, honey. i'm sure they'll come visit, though. how about we call them and see how they're doing?"

your face lit up. "yeah! can we call them now? can we can we can we?"

your mother smiled and shook her head, the papers surrounding her full of confusing numbers and big words like "homeowner's insurance" and "disability pension application."

"maybe, honey. we'll have to see what time works for them. first, though, i need you to finish your lunch, strawberries and all. can you do that for me?"

"sure, mama."

lo and behold, two years had passed, and the sargeants were almost back to florida. your father had the idea of surprising them at the airport, so you'd made a giant sign that said "WELCOME BACK SARGEANTS!" in bright blue magic marker. after selecting a spot you deemed visible enough, you craned your neck every time a new flow of passengers exited, hoping to see your best friends. every time you caught a flash of what might've been one of them, your heart skipped a beat, but when you finally saw dalton, logan, and their parents, it felt like you were on the moon.

you mustered up as much air into your thirteen-year-old lungs as you could and screamed.

"DALTON! LOGAN!"

every head in the airport whipped around to you, but you couldn't care less. your two best friends were running full speed at you, suitcases abandoned with their parents, and you couldn't stop smiling. you're slammed by the tightest hug you've ever experienced and you might be seeing stars from your ribs being crushed but that doesn't matter when you finally have dalton and logan back with you in florida.

you're muttering so many "i missed you"s and "i couldn't wait to see you guys"s and "i have so much to tell you"s into them, and it feels like forever before you guys let go of each other.

"you guys ready to get out of here?"

when logan won the karting championship in 2015, you'd never screamed louder. you were the first person he looked for after the race and the person he hugged the tightest.

when you made it to the top roller derby league in your area, he was the first person to congratulate you, and he brought you a small bouquet of your favorite flowers- baby breath, white tulips, and jasmine.

as logan worked his way up through the different levels of formula racing, you'd always manage to stay up to all hours of the night to watch him race or even send him a simple "good luck" text.

when he told you he'd been admitted to the williams driver academy, you almost tackled him to the ground with how much force you hugged him with. "i'm so happy for you," you said, repeated like a mantra.

"and guess what?"

"there's more?" you pulled back from the hug, looking up at him.

"i get to do a post-season test drive in abu dhabi."

"what?!" the smile on your face is not only from pride, but now also shock. "lo, are you serious? that's amazing! when did you find out?"

"maybe..." he checks his watch, eyes looking up. "five minutes ago?"

"wait. did you tell your parents? and dalt?" he hesitates, a blush of embarrassment creeping up his cheeks. you can't help but think, even for an instant, that it's... kind of cute?

"logan hunter sargeant, did you tell me before you told your parents?"

"i might have..." the scowl on your face deepens, and you pull away from him, remove the house slipper you're wearing, and whack him across the head with it.

"out of my house! go over to your own and tell your parents, your literal givers of life, that you're driving a fucking formula one car! out! out with you!" you wave him out of your front door and watch with a smile on your face as he runs back to his own home, laughing when he trips over himself and falls into the grass. a few minutes later, you hear dan and madelyn scream with joy.

"my best friend is going to drive a formula one car," you say to the wind. "holy shit."

a bit over a year later, when logan signs with williams to drive with them in 2023, he still tells you before his parents.

the tuesday after the austin grand prix, a new post on your private instagram account appears. its location is tagged as the circuit of the americas and the caption reads "one of the perks of your best friend being a formula 1 driver is getting to go to austin and get paddock passes for free. the other is getting to spend the weekend with your best friend."

in may of 2024, logan brings you to the miami grand prix. at the end of the race, you are the first person he looks for. you are the person he hugs the tightest. you are the person to tell him that it wasn't his fault that he crashed and he did everything he could. you are the person whose shoulder he cries into and the person who gently holds his face and wipes his tears away with your thumbs.

you are the person to stand on your tip toes to place a kiss to his lips, the salty taste of his tears reaching your own lips. you are the person he sees when he opens his eyes and, when you backpedal in the slightest bit, you are the person he pulls closer and kisses like he means it.

you are the only person that hears when he says that he's loved you since you surprised him at the airport when they came back from switzerland. you are the only person that hears him say that it's always been you that he's loved, that he's never seen anyone else besides you.

and he is the only one that hears you say that you love him, too.

[awakenedevildays]

hi love! may I request some angst with art where family friend!reader gets invited to the Donaldson’s yearly fundraiser gala and they spend the night yearning and pining over art. if you can, make it as heart wrenching as possible ♡ thank you and keep up the great work!

「wrong choices」 Art Donaldson x F!reader

I'm so exited, this is the real first fic I write under request, thank you so much for requesting love, hope this is good enough for you! 🩷(didn't know if you wanted a sad or happy ending and I got carried away with an happy one, if you want an angst ending let me know)

info: angst, fluff, kissing, mentions of cheating (on reader), happy ending.

you can read the other parts here!

━━━•❃°•°❀°•°❃•━━━

You love galas, you always did: ever since you were little you and your family had to attend many galas and you would always be head over the heels at the idea of dressing with cute dresses and beautiful shoes. Yes, you love galas, especially the Donaldson's.

You've been to the Donaldson family's galas for ages and they never disappoint. No, truly, they know how to put on an event. With beautiful dresses to wear (always wearing the latest from fashion designers), incredible music- every year different- and even the best food in the state; these galas always excite you.

Another thing that made you exited about their galas was the only child of the family: the blonde, blue and brown eyed, sweet guy you met at the first gala you attended at the sweet age of six years old, Art Donaldson.

You've always liked him, when you were little he would take you around his huge villa to play whatever game you two would invent at that moment and at the end of the night your dress and his little tuxedo would be all wrinkled, sometimes dirty, hair all out of place that caused your moms to lightly scold you... at the end neither your mother nor his cared much if at the end of the evening you both looked like you had just returned from a day of planting flowers with your bare hands. 

Things obviously changed as time went on: after Art's 17th and your 16th birthday, at least at the beginning of the evening, you seemed determined to pay attention and talk to the other guests... but it never lasted too long before Art dragged you away with him to share a bottle of wine with your feet immersed in his outdoor pool.

The last year the same thing happened. 

"Art, you can't always kidnap me when I'm talking to someone" you wanted to sound serious, you really did, but his boyish smile was too cute and the expensive wine bottle he had in his hand was too tempting. 

"Come on! don't act like you really wanted to listen to those boring conversations with those boring business men" he said, his hand dragging you by your wrist towards the pool. 

Once you were close enough he released your wrist and took off his shoes and socks, his feet in the water immediately after while you stood there, he looked at you. 

"please" he said and you scolded him with your eyes before shaking your head and taking off your heels and lifted your dress up to your thighs to avoid getting it wet, you sat down next to him, your feet touched the cool water and a sigh left your mouth, you didn't realize how bad they were hurting in the shoes.  

Art grinned at you and you looked ay him skeptical "what" you ask, a fake annoyed look on your face .

"see? even your feet are thanking me" he said and you met his left shoulder with your right one. 

"shut up, you're getting ruder and ruder with each passing year" you joked and Art passed to bottle to you to take the first sip, always the gentleman. 

Art chuckled and watched as you took the first sip, the cool, smooth liquid sliding down your throat. He knew you better than almost anyone and could tell when you were being serious and when you were just acting tough to save face. 

"Don't worry, I know you secretly love me" he teased, nudging your shoulder with his own. Art took the bottle back from you, taking a small sip before speaking again "and besides, I'm not getting ruder, I'm just becoming more charming and witty."

You raised your eyebrows at him and decided not to indulge him any further "so, how is the tennis school going?" you asked and Art shrugged.

"good" he answered with a shrug. 

"and Patrick?". 

"still the same asshole" he laughed "he won't be coming to Standford with me in fall".

 "he's going in another college?" he shook his head. 

"he plans on going on a tour".

"mhhh" you said and Art looked at you suspiciously.

"you seem really interested in Patrick" his tone not as light as it was before and you raised your head to look at him, but he was already looking at the water of the pool, jaw clenched. 

There was something in Art's demeanor change that caught your attention. It was subtle, but palpable. The relaxed and playful atmosphere between you two had shifted, and Art's jaw was now tense. You knew him well enough to realize that something was bothering him, and judging by his comment about Patrick, you had an idea of what it might be. You decided to tread lightly with your next words, wanting to understand what had triggered this sudden change in his mood "what makes you say that?" you asked, trying to keep your tone casual.

"every time we see each other you always ask about him, you saw him only once like what, 3 years ago?" he asked ironically and your eyes widened "okay, slow down Donaldson, where is this all coming from? I'm just trying to have a conversation with you" you said as gently as possible. 

Art leaned back a little, taking another swig from the bottle before responding. His tone was still a little on edge, but he knew you enough to understand you were just trying to calm things down "I know you're just trying to have a conversation, but seriously, why are you so interested in Patrick all of a sudden?" he questioned, his gaze still fixed on the water.

"I'm not interested in Patrick" your tone was serious and suddenly maintaining eyes contact with him was harder. 

Art turned to look at you, his gaze intense, searching yours. He could see the conviction in your eyes and hear it in your tone, but something was still bothering him. He paused a moment before speaking again "then why are you always asking about him?" he asked, his voice a bit softer now.

"Because I care about your life, I care about you and Patrick is a part of your life, that's all, I swear" you didn't know why, but the thought of Art thinking that you had feelings for another man felt wrong but somewhat satisfying.

Art sighed, the tension in his shoulders seemed to ease a little. He could see the truth in your words, and his own jealousy subsided a little. "Sorry" he said, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. "I guess I just got a little..." he admitted, his gaze darting from you back to the pool.

"...Jealous? aw aren't you the sweetest friend ever?" you pinched his cheek with your fingers and Art laughed, his hand grasped yours to take it off his cheek, but once away from his face his hand stayed wrapped around your, his thumb caressing the back of it. 

Art's laughter filled the air, breaking the tension between you. The warmth of his hand enclosing yours sent a shiver up your spine, his thumb gently stroking your skin. There was something intimate about the touch, something that defied the boundaries of mere friendship. For a moment, you were both silent, the only sound being the gentle lapping of the water against the sides of the pool. 

Art looked down at your joined hands, his thumb continuing its slow, soothing motion against your skin.

"I'm sorry" he said again and you shook your head. 

"It's okay" you muttered and your eyes met, his blue light of the pool shined on his face, hands still intertwined on his thigh and his eyes looked briefly at your lips. 

"what if, what if I don't want to be your friend" your heart skipped a bit.

"u-uh?" you asked.

Art swallowed hard, his gaze locked with yours. The air around you suddenly felt charged, the casual setting of the poolside now seemed intimate and intense "what are you... what are you saying?" you asked, your voice barely above a whisper. Art's grip on your hand tightened, his thumb still tracing small circles on your skin.

Art leaned a little closer, his eyes still fixed on yours. "What I'm saying is..." he began, his voice low and serious "I don't want to be just your friend anymore" he paused, taking a deep breath before continuing "I don't want to watch you talk and laugh with other men, I can't stand it, it makes me sick".

His words hung in the air between you, the atmosphere thick with tension. You could feel your heart pounding in your chest, your mind racing with the implications of what he was saying. Art's hand still held yours tightly, almost as if he was afraid to let go, afraid that you might pull away.

"oh" you felt stupid, utterly and absolutely stupid, the guy whom you had a crush for since forever, just confessed to you and the only thing you can say is...'oh'? Art laughed. 

"Don't laugh you asshole!" you exclaimed pushing him away from you, him almost falling in the pool. 

"Can you not like... push me in the pool just cause I confessed to you?" he said between laughters and your cheeks flushed red. 

"I'm sorry you caught me off guard!" you said bringing the bottle to your mouth and taking a big sip, you couldn't have this conversation sober. 

Art finally managed to regain his balance, still laughing as he held onto the side of the pool for support. "It's okay, it's okay" he said, his laughter slowly dying down as he regained his composure.

"But seriously, you can't just say 'oh'" he teased once again, his tone turning playful again as he splashed a bit of water at you jokingly. 

You stayed silent and Art waited for you to answer, it took you all the strength you had to maintain eye contact with him "I like you too" you said, face serious and red cheeks and Art nodded. 

"oh" his tone light was clearly teasing you. 

"ok, now I'm pushing you in the pool on purpose" you said. 

Art burst into laughter at your words, his eyes sparkling with amusement. He held up his hands in surrender "No, no, no, please don't" he said between chuckles but his tone was full of teasing. 

As he spoke, he shifted closer to you, his thigh now touching yours. He reached out and lightly pushed your shoulder, the playful gesture causing a ripple in the water between you.

Art's teasing expression quickly vanished at your words, his hand that was still on your shoulder froze "what?" he asked, his tone slightly sharper than it was before.

"I should ask Patrik if he's single I don't think h-" your joking sentence is interrupted by his lips on yours, a hand behind your head and the other on your thigh and you immediately rested yours on his cheeks. 

Art's lips were soft and firm against yours, the taste of the expensive wine still lingered on his tongue as he kissed you passionately. His hand on your thigh moved to your waist to pulls you closer to him, his fingers digging slightly into your skin through the fabric of your dress. He wanted you as close as possible, as if he couldn't get enough of you.

Your hands moved from his cheeks up to thread through his hair, slightly tugging it and eliciting a low groan from him. He deepened the kiss, his tongue teasing yours. The world around you seemed to disappear as the two of you surrendered to the moment, the cool water of the pool forgotten as the heat between you grew increasingly intense.

Art pulled away from the kiss, his forehead resting against yours, both of you panting slightly. His eyes searched yours, his expression a mix of desire and disbelief. "You're really gonna mention another man while I'm trying to kiss you" he whispered, his voice hoarse and filled with a hint of jealousy.

“I thought you needed a little push to do that" you teased and Art kissed you again briefly "never do that again" he whispered 

The moment in the pool didn't last long after that, your parent messaging you a while after to tell you to get back to the car to go home. 

You and Art kept in contact through his first whole year at Standford but too busy to see each other, you with your last year of high school and him with exams and his tennis matches. 

So now you have one more reason to be exited about the gala of this year, you would see Art again and you couldn't wait to see what would happen this time. 

"You look beautiful" your mom says and you smile at her.

You are standing in your bedroom in front of a full-length mirror admiring yourself in your dress for the gala tonight. The dress is beautiful, hugging your curves perfectly and highlighting your features. You turn and twirl in front of the mirror, feeling a mix of excitement and nerves about tonight.

"Thank you, Mom," you say as she enters the room, a smile on your lips. "I just hope Art likes it too" you add, casually tossing the comment, before mentally kicking yourself for it.

"Please, he's already head over heels for you" she jokes and for the whole drive towards the Donaldson house your legs can't stay still, your hands fussing and stirring your dress over and over again making your parents smile teasingly at you, but you pay them no mind. 

Finally, the car pulls up to the Donaldson's house and your heart beats faster at the sight of the grand, familiar building. You take a deep breath, gathering your courage and excitement, before stepping out of the car, your dress flowing behind you like a gentle whisper on the ground. 

You walk with your parents toward the entrance of the house, the sound of your stilettos echoing on the paved path. 

You step in the garden of the house and Art's parents are already there to greet your family lovingly, Art still nowhere in sight as you walk around with your parents to greet their colleagues and friends and you're only waiting for Art to sweep you off your feet like every year. 

As you continue to mingle with your parents and their friends, you keep an eye out for Art, hoping to catch a glimpse of him among the crowd. The anticipation is driving you insane, and just when you're starting to wonder where he could be, you finally catch sight of him across the garden, talking to a group of people, a girl right beside him.

She is beautiful, dark skin and long black hair that reaches her lower back, long legs and thin body wrapped in a blue short but elegant dress... but what really shocks you is his hand, clearly resting on the small of her back. Your heart stops. Your breath short and you have to grip the champagne glass tighter in your hands to avoid letting it fall on the floor. 

You couldn't believe what you were seeing. Art, your Art, was standing there with another girl, his hand comfortably resting on the small of her back. You couldn't tear your eyes away from them, your thoughts racing as you tried to make sense of the situation.

Arts eyes meets yours from the other side of the garden and his grin disappears when he sees your sad face "oh there is Art" his mom says and gestures for him to come where you are. As he approaches, you can feel his gaze fixed on you, but you don't meet his eyes, looking anywhere but his face until he stops in front of you, his smile faltering when he sees the expression on your face. But before he can say anything, his mother speaks up.

"Art brought one of the promises of the future female tennis tonight" she says and she smiles, you don't. 

Art's mom gestures towards the girl beside him, a proud look on her face. The girl smiles sheepishly, looking shyly at you. Art shifts uncomfortably, his hand dropping from her back as though he's suddenly aware of what it looks like.

You force a smile on your face, despite the churning feeling in your stomach.

"this is Tashi, we met at Standford" he says, his eyes don't meet yours and the lump in your throat is too big to swallow. 

The introduction feels like a dagger twisting in your chest. Tashi smiles at you gently, her eyes soft as her gaze flicks between you and Art.

"Nice to meet you," she says, her voice soft and clear. You nod awkwardly, the sound of your own heartbeat ringing in your ears.

"The pleasure is all mine" the exchange of pleasantries feel like nails scraping on a chalkboard. Your parents politely greet Tashi like they do with every important guest at these events, but even you can see the fake smiles plastered on their faces. They know. 

She is gorgeous and you feel small next to her... you don't get it, your dress is more elegant than hers, more beautiful but she looks so effortlessly gorgeous in hers and you feel like crying. 

The silence that follows feels like a never-ending void. Tashi doesn't speak and Art doesn't as well, his eyes finally meeting yours and you look away immediately, the betrayal in your eyes makes Art's heart clench. Your parents try to make small talk with Tashi, Art's mom jumping in as well but you just stay quiet, your chest tightening and your breath short.

As the conversation turns to the weather, the upcoming year's tennis matches and other mundane topics, your thoughts spiral out of control. Your mind is a mess of thoughts and insecurities. Why did he bring her here? Why is his hand on her back like he owns her? And why, why is he looking at you like neither he knows why he did this?

"I think everyone is gathering in the lounge for the auction," your mom says, breaking the uncomfortable silence. She glances at you, noticing the tension in your shoulders "come, let's go find our seats" she adds, gently placing a hand on your back to lead you away but as the other, Art included, starts to move you stay still and your mom does too.

"actually mom, I think I'll go home" your voice trembles and your mom doesn't know what to answer. 

"you want me to come with you?" she asks but you shake your head.

"no you stay with dad, but I need to go" and she nods. 

"we'll be home as soon as possible baby" you nod and in a moment you're outside waiting for your driver to come pick you up, you feel so lost. You thought everything was going well with Art, he's been nothing but sweet for the past year and he never, ever mentioned Tashi while talking about his life at Standford.  

As the air hits your face outside, you take a deep, shaky breath... You feel lost, confused, betrayed even. Art, the guy you've been in love with for so long, the guy who kissed you the last summer, is now bringing another girl to this event, acting like they're together.  

The minutes seem to stretch on forever as you wait for your car. You don't make any attempt to wipe the tears from your face, letting them flow freely down your cheeks. You feel like a fool, standing outside the Donaldson's house, dressed up for a night that quickly turned into a nightmare.

The sound of footsteps behind you is like a punch in the gut. You know it's him without even turning around. Art's presence is unmistakable and you feel him standing behind you even before he speaks.

"Can we talk?" he asks, his voice soft and full of hesitation. You can feel his eyes on your back, studying you, but you don't turn around. The tears keep rolling down your cheeks and you don't have the strength to look at him right now.

Still, you shake your head in a no. 

Art's sigh echoes behind you, the disappointment he must be feeling evident in the single breath. He waits for a moment, maybe hoping you'll change your mind, but when you make no attempt to turn around or speak, he finally does. "Please, just a minute" he tries again, his voice pleading.

The desperation in his voice tugs at your heart, but you remain resolute, refusing to turn around. The memory of his hand on Tashi’s back and the sight of the two of them together flashes in your mind and you shake your head in silent answer once again.

"okay, fine" you hear other footsteps and a moment later he is in front of you, you huff in annoyance "you don't understand the signs, do you?" the tone of your voice is aggressive.

Art's eyes widen in surprise at the tone of your voice, clearly caught off guard by your sudden aggression. He opens his mouth to speak, but he seems unable to find the right words, unsure of how to respond to the hostile attitude. He takes a step forward, trying to reach for your hand, but you take a step back, preventing him from touching you.

"I understand you're upset-" he tries to speak, his voice measured but you cut him off. 

"Upset? Is that what you think I am?" you say, your voice a mix of anger and disappointment."upset that you brought another girl to this event, acting like she's the one you should be with? I'm not upset, Art. I'm hurt, hurt cause I thought what happened last summer meant something to you, hurt that in a whole year you made me believe that my feeling were reciprocated, hurt that in all those months you never, ever, mentioned a girl named Tashi and I'm hurt because I wasted a whole year of my life waiting for you!" you shout, and you think that for someone who didn't want to talk, you said a lot.

Art flinches at your words, your voice filled with pain and disappointment. He tries to speak but you don't let him, the words pouring out of your mouth like a dam breaking. "And you know what's funny? I actually thought that something would happen between us tonight. I was looking forward to seeing you again and then you come here with her like she's the one you've been waiting for all this time, fuck I feel so stupid right now" your laugh turns into a sob as you realize how foolish you feel. 

Art takes a step closer, his expression pained as he sees you unravel in front of him "you're not stupid" he says gently, his hand reaching out to cup your face instinctively, like he used to do a year ago.

"don't touch me" you say and swat his hand away.

Art's hand freezes and he retracts it quickly, the pain on his face is clear but he doesn't argue "I'm sorry" he says softly, his eyes watching you, unsure if he'll try to touch you again, "I never wanted this to happen, I mean it" he says, his eyes locked on yours, imploring you to believe him.

He takes another step towards you, now standing closer than before but not actually touching you "after we kissed that summer, I swear I couldn't stop thinking about you. I was looking forward to this night so bad" he says, his voice genuine and full of yearning "but then you told me you chose Harvard instead of Standford and... I don't know, we would be so far away and- me and Tashi, it's nothing serious" if when he started talking he felt stupid, now by looking at your face, he is sure of it.

"so you thought that keeping me on the hook for the whole year would solve everything, that you could have both of us?" 

He shakes his head "no that's not what I wanted" he answers immediately "I want you, only you... I'm sorry" Art's confession is honest and raw, his words a mix of desperation and regret "I never intended to keep you on the hook, I swear, I just didn't know how to handle things... I wanted you, I still want you" he hesitates, looking down for a moment before meeting your eyes again "but now I've messed up, I know. I really screwed up" he admits, his expression pleading for forgiveness.

Your car pulls up and you thank the god for the only good thing happening tonight "well, the good news is that I'm still going to Harvard so you can keep having... whatever thing is going on with Tashi" you say dismissively, the tears are still falling and right now you would love to be one of those strong women that can keep emotions under control, that can keep the eye contact with an emotionless expression and resist until they're alone to finally cry... but you're not, and you're sure you look like a mess right now. 

Art watches as your car pulls up, the sight of it bringing a new wave of desperation to his face. He takes a step forward, his hand reaching out for you again, but he stops himself, realizing that his touch is not welcome right now "please, we can talk about this?" he pleads but you brush him off. 

"Like I said, keep having whatever thing you have with Tashi" you say, your voice trembling, the tears keep falling down your face as you grab the handle but Art moves quickly, closing the door of the car before you can open it again. He stands in front of it, blocking your path, his expression determined "you're not going anywhere" he says firmly, his eyes locked on yours "we need to talk" he repeats, his voice steady despite the mess of emotions inside him. 

You can see in his expression how much he doesn't want you to leave but your heart feels like it's shattered into a million pieces and right now you're just tired "there's nothing to talk about" you say, trying to sound strong but the tears streaming down your face betray you "you were right Art, you have every right to live your college life with someone you can be close to, and I do too" you don't mean that, you know you don't. You want to be with him. But now you just want to go home and cry until you fall asleep. 

Art's expression falters at your words, hurt and disappointment etched on his face. He takes a step closer, the proximity making your body react despite the anger and pain "I don't give a damn about my college life" he says frustrated, his emotions raw and unfiltered "I wanted to be with you, I still do. Don't do this, please don't leave like this" his voice breaks slightly as he pleads you.

He reaches for your hand, grasping it in his, the feeling of his touch sending a shiver down your spine "don't run away from this, please" he says, his grip tightening slightly "we can work this out, just don't go" he repeats, his eyes pleading you to stay and talk.

"Art- please, I really want to go home" you sob and Art stills at that, his heart aches at the sound of your sob, the desperation in your voice breaking something in him. You sound so desperate and he doest know what to do anymore, if only he had talked about his insecurities sooner... 

He releases your hand, taking a step back to give you space, the conflict and pain visible on his face "I'm sorry" he says softly, his voice low and full of guilt. "If I could go back in time, I would do things so differently" he admits, rubbing a hand on his face in frustration.

You're not listening to him anymore, that much he can tell, he steps back, allowing you to climb into the passenger seat without another word. The defeat in his expression is clear, but he doesn't try to stop you anymore. The sight of you on the passenger seat, tears streaming down your face, is enough to convince him to not hurt you any further.

"I-I'll call you, ok? o-or you could call me when you're ready" he stammers but you don't say anything, you don't even shake or nod your head. 

Art stands there helplessly, watching as you refuse to respond to his words. The silence between you feels like a physical barrier, the pain and hurt creating a void that neither of you knows how to fill. He takes a deep breath, looking down for a moment before meeting your eyes again. "I really am sorry" he says again, his voice cracking slightly with emotion. Still nothing, your eyes are fixed in front of him, "okay.. goodnight" he shuts the door and watches your car drive away, the taillights growing smaller and smaller until they disappear from sight. His hands curl into fists at his side as a mixture of frustration and sadness washes over him. He had messed everything up and now he was standing there alone, his heart shattered along with yours.

Art spends the rest of the summer trying to contact you: he sends text after text, voicemail after voicemail, begging for you to talk to him and try to fix things, but every time you see his name flash on your screen you feel a pang of pain in your chest and you end up deleting his messages without opening them.

At the same time, you're busy preparing for your move to Harvard and throwing yourself into the tasks at hand, anything to distract yourself from the thoughts of Art that keep creeping into your mind.

Despite your best efforts, the thought of Art is always there, lingering in the back of your mind. Every time you pack a box or organize your new room, memories of the times you spent together flash before your eyes. And even when you're with your new college friends, sharing excitement about the upcoming year, a part of you can't help but wonder what Art is doing and if he's just as wrecked as you are.

Every time your fingers hover over Art's name on your phone, a mix of longing and fear washes over you. You want to hear his voice, to pour out your heart and ask if he's feeling the same ache you are, but the fear of finding out that he has moved on, that he's happy without you stops you every time. You feel stuck between the need to reach out and the fear of what you might find.

The first two months at Harvard are a whirlwind of new experiences, but they're also marked by the new, completely absence of Art that stopped calling since the start of the college year. The silence from him is deafening, and the realization that he's moved on stings more with each passing day. Every time you think about him, your heart clenches as if the wound is still fresh. You try to push the thoughts aside, but the memories and the ache for him persist, refusing to let you fully move on.

It's a sunny October day, the sun is shining brightly, a warm contrast to the slightly chilly autumn breeze that brushes against your face as you're walking with your new friends, everyone chattering away excitedly about the upcoming autumn break. Your eyes are fixed on the path in front of you, as you're listening to your friends speaking, laughs loud and your smile genuine

"ok girls don't look now, but a really cute guy is looking at our Y/N right now, on the left, the one leaned against the wall" your friend's words catch your attention and you try hard not to look but curiosity gets the best of you and almost instinctively, you and your friends simultaneously turn to the left, your heads swiveling to catch a glimpse of the guy leaning against the wall.

The moment you turn, your heart stops. Your steps falter and your eyes widen as you recognize the figure standing there. It's Art. His eyes immediately connect with yours and time seems to freeze.

He smiles, clearly insecure, but smiles and you can see a mixture of nervousness and anticipation in his eyes, yours rakes over his body to take him in: he is wearing a dark blue quarter zip, a white shirt underneath, light blue jeans and white sneakers, his hands in his front pocket and his hair are messy from the wind going through them. 

"Do you know him?" your friend's question breaks the intense moment of eye contact between you and Art and you're snapped back to reality. You try to speak, but your mouth seems to have forgotten how to form words, the words are stuck in your throat, along with all the emotions that are now swirling inside you.

Your friends are looking at you, a mix of curiosity and confusion on their faces. One of them repeats the question, nudging your shoulder slightly to bring you back to the present. You swallow hard, still unable to find your voice, your eyes darting back to Art who's still standing there, watching you with a mixture of hope and nervousness in his eyes "uhm yeah, he is an old friend" you mutter.

Your voice comes out soft and a bit shaky as you finally manage to speak. You say that he's an old friend, trying to keep it casual despite the storm of emotions rushing through you. They exchange a knowing glance as they realize that there's more to your relationship with Art. 

"we should leave them alone, we'll save a place for you" one of them say and the others nod, you feel a mixture of nervousness and anticipation as you watch your friends walk away, their forms shrinking in the distance in the orange Harvard park.

 As you take a tentative step towards Art, time seems to slow down, each movement feeling weighted under his intense gaze. Your heart is beating faster, and you can feel the adrenaline coursing through your veins. You try to keep your expression neutral, but it’s difficult to hide the mixture of anticipation and anxiety that you feel.

His gaze never leaves your face, watching your every move as he moves away from the wall "what are you doing here?" you ask breathless and it's a miracle Art heard you. 

"I called you" he says. 

 You nod "I know". 

Art takes a few steps towards you "You never answered" there is no accusation in his voice and you nod.

"I know".

The silence hangs heavy between you "college life suits you, you look beautiful". 

"what are you doing here?" you ask and Art looks at his shoes before forcing himself to maintain eye-contact.

"I missed you" he answers immediately and suddenly the wall behind Art is really interesting. 

"you could have sent me a message, it would have been less expensive". 

"would you have answered me this time?" you open your mouth to answer him but nothing that would be the truth comes out.

"probably not" he laughs at that, but there's a hint of melancholy in that laugh, mixed with a tinge of understanding. 

"I guess that's fair" he says, rubbing the back of his neck in a nervous gesture. He takes a moment to collect himself before continuing "I thought coming here was the only way to see you" he confesses, his voice softer now.

Your arms are crossed, a subtle barrier between you and him as you listen to his words. He looks sincere and a pang of guilt twists in your stomach when he mentions that he thought this was the only way to see you. You know you could have answered his messages or calls, but something in you wouldn't allow it.

"You could've answered one of my calls even if to just scream at me or to tell me to fuck off". 

You chuckle weakly "maybe I should have. But I was... I was really hurt and confused" you admit, your voice slightly shaky. He takes a step closer to you, the distance between you shrinking even more.

"I'm sorry" he mutters, he takes your face in his hands and you let him, he missed your skin in his hands, you nod, again.

"I know you are" you murmur.

"I love you" your eyes widens. 

Art's hands feel warm and familiar on your face, and you let him hold you. Your hands grip his sweater, holding on to him as if you're scared he might disappear. Tears start to form in your eyes.

"oh" you mentally facepalm yourself and close your eyes as tight as you can, you can hear Art suppress a laugh. 

"yeah... 'oh'... you should really work on a better way to react to good news".

"Art... what you said that night is true, we are so far away now and I don't want us to suffer the long distance" he shakes his head as you speak. 

"No, no I was wrong, never been more wrong. If there are two people who can do it is us" he assures you. 

"but what about Tashi?" you ask and Art takes a deep breath, his hands still holding your face. The mention of Tashi's name hangs in the air for a moment, and your insecurity is almost palpable to him. He looks into your eyes as he tries to find the right words to say. 

"I don't care about Tashi, I never did" he says firmly, his voice filled with conviction "all I care about is you and only you. You're the one I love, you're the one I want to be with. Tashi is nothing to me" Art's grip on your face tightens slightly as he speaks. His eyes search yours, attempting to convey the sincerity behind his words.

"I'm sorry about everything, I swear I'll do anything you want me to do! I can come here every week-end and we'll spend the vacations together or I can transfer here, I can play tennis here too-" your lips interrupt his ramble but he doesn't waste time to return it. Art's lips move against yours with a mixture of passion and desperation, as if he's finally found what he's been searching for.

As the kiss deepens, Art's hands on your waist pull you impossibly close, closing the already small gap between your bodies. You can feel the hunger and need in his touch, the months you've spent apart making the kiss even more intense.

"god- fuck, I missed you so much" his words against your lips are even sweeter than the kiss itself and you feel like melting in his arms, you missed him too "you have no idea how much I missed you" he mutters before capturing your lips again in a bruising kiss. 

Your cheeks are not cold anymore, your entire body feels hot with affection and you mutter an 'I love you' that makes Art pull back slightly, his forehead resting against yours as he listens to the words you whisper. A soft smile tugs at the corners of his lips as he repeats them "I love you too". You can feel the heat radiating from his body, his hands on your waist keeping you closer than ever.

"you don't have to move here for me, we can make this work" you reassure him and finally a genuine and wide smile takes space on your face for him again. 

Art visibly relaxes at your words, the tension leaves his shoulders and he lets out a small sigh of relief "really?" he asks, his eyes searching yours for any hint of doubt. Your reassurance washes away some of his worries, and he allows himself to believe that it could actually work, that you could make it work despite the distance.

"really". 

"so we're okay now- ow!" Art winces as your hand connects with the side of his head, a mix of surprise and amusement on his face. 

"Now we're okay" you smile in victory. 

"I guess I deserved that" he says rubbing the spot where you slapped him. Despite the gentle reprimand, his eyes are filled with relief and happiness as he nods "yeah, we're okay now" he affirms, a warm smile spreading across his face.

━━━•❃°•°❀°•°❃•━━━

Do not copy or repost.

[moongirldreamer]

Lighthouse keeper!Eddie x siren!reader

Happy Eddiversary to those who celebrate (this is so late lol)

words: 1k

cw: none i don't think.

a/n: besties this is my first ever fic please be nice to me I tried my best.

Thank you to my friend @theold-ultraviolence Irma i wouldn't have come up with this au or written any of it, if it wasn't for you and our Self Indulgence Sundays. Thank you for nudging me i love you <3

Lightkeeper!Eddie headcannons

August 17 1824

It's been a week since the mysterious lass appeared on my doorstep. Two more till the supply dingy visits, it's been strange, readapting to living with a person but we’ve fallen into a routine. I've found a smile on my face many a time as I'm working. Her voice carries on the wind, it's almost as if it’s blowing it directly to me. 

E.M.

Eddie hardly counted the sailors he’d met and slept next to people, not civilized people at least, forced to wash with salt water to preserve the limited supply of fresh water. He spent many a night with a makeshift mask over his face to hopefully block out the scent of sweat and the sea but when she arrived, he found he didn't mind it, almost like he missed it. 

The keeper's house contained 2 rooms as the tending was intended to be a 2-man job, he never realized how empty the small space was until she occupied it. Grown used to the loneliness the sea brings he forgot that the ocean also gives, and she had given him a beautiful gift. He tried to be the perfect housemate before he went off to his tending. He left coffee already brewed in a small metal pot for her to reheat when she woke, fetched a bucket of water for her from the cistern and left a note on the kitchen table : back at sunset. Will cook dinner- E

Morning work was easy enough; take inventory, rain fell last night meaning the cistern had to be woken up with chalk and a good mixing and then any odd maintenance works the buildings needed. He would always know when she was awake no matter how far he wandered from their quarters, her voice seemed to carry on the wind straight to him. Often time he found himself singing along, whistling is a bad omen on ships he remembers this even on land. He knew quite a few sea shanties, picked up a few local songs while he was on the mainland, but she often sings songs he's never heard before and sometimes he thinks in a language he can't understand.

At noon he returns to a simple meal tack and stew she so proudly displays to him half burnt and over salted, but he grins and eats it anyway. She told him in the first week with misty eyes

“I don't want to be a burden, let me….. Let me cook lunch at least you work so hard let me help you” lip trembling and how could he deny her.

“The poor thing” he thought “could make anything taste like salt water and gruel” but he eats anyway.

“Thank you darling, what would i do without you?"

“You're welcome" grinning she looks down at her plate before shyly muttering

"if you're not too busy, would you like to join me on a walk at sunset?"

"OfCourse, anything for you" he smirks leaving her with a kiss on her hairline.

Sunset at the lighthouse made it seem like the sky and sea were competing for your attention, seeing which could glimmer brighter, but Eddies attention was elsewhere. He was enchanted by how her beauty seemed to be enhanced in the golden light.

"Open your hand" she blinks up at him one her fists closed tightly. Wordlessly he gives her his palm and she places an oyster shell, no longer than his pinkie, in it

He grins "an oyster?"

"Yes, my mother told me they were a sign of good fortune"

"Huh I only know them as dinner"

She laughs, mouth opening to give him a clever word or two when she suddenly goes stiff looking over his shoulder. 

"What is it?" he spins to look at what could've possibly rattled her, and behind him on a boulder is a seagull, a bit unremarkable too no missing limbs or gnarled features.

So, he laughs” You're scared of that little thing?”

“Yes, they're retched beasts of the sky with no manners” she grips his bicep keeping him between her and the bird.

“Y’know on the ships they say they’re the souls of drowned sailors, so we treat them kindly just like our human shipmates” he laughs as she moves her glare from the gull over to him.

“I think they should be chum” she says, squinting at the bird, almost daring it to attack.

In a sudden move the gull swoops over their heads missing hers by a centimeter and continuing out to sea.

"Did you see that! that that monster nearly killed me"

"Maybe you need this more than i do" he dropped the oyster back into her palm

"What? no, no i want you to have it, besides you'll need it if you're going to try befriending those creatures"

He chuckled, the sound like warm honey in the cool sea breeze. "Alright, if you insist. But I promise, no more gull attacks on my watch."

Shakily she grabbed his arm again as they continued their walk down the shoreline.

"Do you ever miss it? sailing? "

"Hmm, sometimes" he sends a wistful look out at the water the sun spilling over it as the last of it slips below the horizon.

"it was my life, the only thing I was good at" he grins, but it's sad round the edges.

"but i needed the change, it was getting too repetitive"

"so you decided to tend a lighthouse? the same job day in day out" her eyebrows pull together eyes squinting in confusion

another smile this one woven with affection "well I'd travelled a while but i needed to return to the sea almost- almost as if something was"

"Was calling you back" her tone changes, her voice becomes layered whispers singing and screaming. her eyes gleam, a secret understanding.

"Yes like-like it was calling me" he steps towards her without thinking, mechanically putting one foot in front of the other, eyes locked on hers until he feels wet? Looking down he realizes his boots are drenched, shin length in the waves his brows furrow.

"What are you doing?" asks melodic laugh behind him and he turns to see her, face lit up with the last of the afternoon glee and a smile.

"Think I wanted to go for a swim" the end lifts like a question, he looks back down to his feet barely visible in the water

"But it's getting dark, we should head back" again her voice changes and he moves without remembering, until they're back to their quarters and she bids him goodnight.

That night as he refills the oil and cleans the lense at the top of the lighthouse out in the distance on a cluster of rocks he sees a figure bathed in darkness. He can only make out a humanoid figure with their hair whipping in the cold sea air behind them. Leaning over the railing to squint into the darkness his blood runs cold as a wail crosses the distance, then a soft whisper, as if it was said over his shoulder, of his name.

"eddie"

[luvfy0dor]

Hiya! How're you? Congrats for 600! You're an awesome writer and you deserve every one and more! For the event, may I please request 'Spiderman kisses' with Fyodor and Sigma (If you do gendered readers, male preferably but I'll go with GN too if that's easier!). For details... I have two (if you don't mind). 1. I want Reader to be the one initiating the kisses, please! And 2. Let's say Reader doesn't have an ability. Instead, he manages to hang upside down is because bro just chills in the cramped-ass ceiling vents system and he knocks down ceiling plates all the time to drop down into rooms from the ceiling as opposed to using the door like a normal person LOLZ-. Feel free to decline if not suited to your tastes, bye-byeee!

Sigma and Fyodor + Spiderman Kisses ♡

Warnings; might make you feel a little lightheaded, it made me feel that way lol

Sigma ★

Walking the halls at night in the aerial casino became one of Sigmas least favorite things when you wiggled your way into the ceiling and vents. You had popped out of no where one too many times for his liking, always giving him a mini-heart attack. He was walking back to his office when he heard the faint sound of thumping up in the vents. It was so quiet and minute that he almost thought a chipmunk had crawled up in there instead of his boyfriend, but when one of the tiles was popped out, he was proven wrong. "Sigma!" You said quietly, happy to see him but unwilling to disturb the visitors in the rooms throughout the hallway. "Ah, y/n, I was looking for you. Are you headed to bed?" He asks, those pretty grey eyes staring up at you. "Not yet, I don't think so. Not unless that's where you're going?" You respond, situating yourself so that you torso is hanging upside down from the ceiling with your legs keeping you from falling. "No, I'm going to my office for a little while longer, but I'll be back in the room soon." He gives you a smile that you return. "Alright, but before you go, I've missed you all day long." You say, cupping his cheek and leaning closer to him. "I haven't had a kiss yet today, you know that?" You laugh, to which he blushes and chuckles under his breath, letting you pull him in and kiss him. He didn't really know where to put his hands since your position was inverted from the usual standing, but he decided the back of your head was the way to go. He felt his nose press against your chin as he kissed your bottom lip, and your nose bump against his. He hummed into the affectionate action, his hand trailing up to caress the nape of your neck quickly before he pulled away. His breath was slightly shaky and his heart rate increased as he looked into your eyes. "Okay, I'll see you later!" You crawled back up into the ceiling and went on with your past times up there. He watched you disappear and smiled before heading off. Suddenly, having you pop out of nowhere every now and again wasn't that bad.

Fyodor ★

Fyodor knew if he needed to find you during hours at the DOA hq, there was no specific of guaranteed spot you would be. He'd have to find you hanging out of one of the cramped, tight vents somewhere by luck. He found it both confusing and interesting that you willingly hung up there all day, but each time he thought about it he understood just a little bit more. The silence and peacefulness of alone time away from interaction could be very enjoyable, especially if it was combined with a good book. He walked through the halls with his cape flowing behind him. With each room he walked by, he glanced inside for any sign of his lover. "Y/n? Where are you?" He calls out to you, listening afterwards for any rustling or thumping above his head. "Hmm..." He thought to himself, heading to the furthest room down the corridor and walking inside to find you hanging out of the vent. "Oh, I don't recall having found you in here before, darling." He says, drawing your attention. You lift your book from your eyes and smile at him. "Yeah, I realized I hadn't hung over here yet so I figured I'd try it. Not like it'd be massively different." You reply, watching him walk closer to you. "Is it time to leave?" He nods with a small smile of amusement. "Yes, it's best we head home now rather than walking through the dark later." You stare at him while he speaks, entranced by his beauty, even after a stressful day dealing with a clown and a naive manager. "Okay...you know, I always want to kiss you like this, but you never take the hint." You whisper, reaching out and brushing his hair behind his ear with a small pout. He hums and gently holds your hand over his cheek and leans in closer. "Well then, maybe you should have been more direct." You huff with an eye roll and pull him in, connecting the two of by the lips in a passionate kiss. Your thumb caresses his cheekbone and you can feel him sigh quietly. You quickly pull away when you feel your body start to heat up, hurrying to get yourself out of the vents before you loose your balance and fall on your head in front of Fyodor. "Hah...I shouldn't need to be more direct if you're as smart as you make yourself out to be." You say, slithering back up into the metal tunnel to backtrack your way out. "Maybe I just wanna hear it from your lips, Myshka? Is that so bad of me?" He grins and you feel yourself do the same. You definetly didn't think that was all too bad now.

A/n; Thank you so so much for the compliments and request!!! 💖💖 this was super duper cute, it just made me feel a little dizzy while writing it, but I wish I could hang out if vents like that thats so cool ^^

[selfloverrrrrr]

Can I request yandere gojo x fem reader where the reader is a special grade sorcerer and satorus best friend since high school,

After suguru she is the only one who understands Satoru well and Satoru can show his true emotions to her but what she wasn't aware was Satoru likes her since many years now but kept to himself since he knows he loves suguru since high school and still loves him even after his death.

As days pass by he was getting more and more annoyed at her to not get the hints that he likes her and when he had enough and confessed his feeling for her she rejected him.

And after that day he came back from a mission wounded and went to her saying it was her fault and started to manipulate and forced her to heal him, (since if she uses her healing technique to heal someone else other then herself it damage her own health, and because of that she was not physically strong) and with that after many times healing him her health was not so good which made her weak,

Not wanting to wait for her Satoru noncon her and force her to get pregnant since it will tie her to him.

And even if she tells the higher uppers about this they won't do anything and rather will be happy that two powerful clans members r having childen.

I'll have you

Warnings : smut , heavy smut, unprotected sex, Noncon, Kidnapping, physically and emotional abuse, biting, size difference, Yandere Gojo, stalking, protective, jealous, obsessive, manipulative....

( All characters are aged up/18+)

Masterlist

Minors Do Not Interact

Read the warnings carefully....if you don't like my stories block me not report

I'm a old student of jujutsu high. I graduated from that school ten years ago. I'm still connected with the jujutsu high like some of my other friends. But life changed a lot...a lot means...A LOTTTT!!!

Everything changed after Suguru's death. After his death I was the only one who understands Satoru. And Satoru also showed his true emotions to me. Even after Geto's death Gojo put on a fake smile to everyone but always tells me how much it hurts him and how much he feels pain.

And I always gave him mental support. but what I wasn't aware of was Satoru likes me since many years now but kept to himself since he knows I'm in love with suguru since high school and I still love him even after his death.

As days pass by he was getting more and more annoyed at me just for not getting the hints that he likes me! One day when he had enough and came to me and confessed his feeling for me. "Look Gojo I really respect your feelings...but you know I loved Geto...and I still do" I said. "Yes but one day you will move on...right??" He asked got too much excited. "Okey...I guess I'll think about it that time...okey?" I replied with a smile. I rejected him. He started deep into my eyes and didn't say anything then he left.

One day Gojo came back from a mission wounded. He knocked on my door. When I opened the door I saw Gojo. He was wounded. "OML .... What happened?? Come inside" I said and locked the door after he came inside.

He fell on the floor after coming inside. I sat infront of him "Gojo are you gonna tell me what happened???" I asked. "I was on a mission" he replied looking at his wounds. "Haven't you infinity on??? Then how did it happened?!" I said. "I have to turn off infinity sometimes!!!!" He said in a annoyed tone. But that was an weird answer.

"Ain't you gonna heal me?" He asked. Yes healing technique.... I have a powerfull healing technique but whenever I use my healing technique to heal someone else other then myself it damages my own health. But I can feel some how he was angry on me so I didn't say no...cause I was kinda scared of his reaction.

And with that after many times healing him....now my health was not so good for which I was becoming so much weak. I fell on the floor. My body was too weak right now. When I looked at Gojo instead of seeing him worried I saw him smirking at me. He took me in the bridal style. But I felt one of his hand under my dress. And after a moment I saw him put me down on my bed.

I felt him caressing my inner thigh. "Look y/n....if you know that you are weak you shouldn't take the hard way with the strong one" he said smirking at me. "W-what you saying?" I asked feeling weak. "I'm saying you should've accepted me when I gave you the proposal and not going for the hard way" he said. Was he...?? no no no...that can't be...

Before I could react he pressed his lips on mine. His kiss was so rough. He started undressing me. I tried to push him away but he was too strong and my body was betraying me.

He grabbed my boob and started squeezing it and I moaned in the kiss. Hearing my moan Gojo stopped the kiss and crashed his mouth on my breast. I moaned out loudly. He started sucking on my breast roughly. The more I moan the more roughly he sucks and  squeeze on my breasts."g-gojo please stop... I'm begging you please stop... you can't force like that " I begged. "I don't care about what you gonna say... you will be mine!!!...no one can stop me. I'm not sceared of anyone. You know I'm the strongest." He replied with a smirk.

After a while he let go off my breast. I was breathing heavily. He started undressing himself. He took off his shirt and pant. He was now only wearing his boxers. I can see the outline of his bulge through his boxers and there was a wet spot where the tip of his dick touched his boxer. Fear grabbed me by my neck.

His hand reached for my pantie and he ripped it off. He looked at my pussy hungrily. He parted my pussy lips with his fingers and crashed his mouth on it, sucking on it roughly. I moaned so loudly. I tried to push him away by pulling his hair but nothing nothing nothing. He just continued his work. He pulled back and lined himself with me."please please please no no no" I cried. "Shhh....this is the main fun part" he whispered and slammed his whole length in one slide without any warning."Gojo!!!!" I scremed and grabbed his back."oh my fucking god god god god god god......ahhhhhhhhhhh" he moaned out feeling my warm wet walls around him.

His thurst became harder and harder. I was an moaning and crying mess."you are so fucking...ahhh .... tight" he moaned out. With a few more thurst I came. dig my nails on his back. Feeling my warm wall clenching around him he came within a minute. "Now bring my babies and be mine forever" he said before pulling out. Then fell beside me....

"I'm gonna tell this to the higher ups" I said before I fainted. He cackled. "Y/n you are too innocent...do you think those old shits gonna do anything when the big two clans are having children together?" He said in a seductive tone.

Give me your requests guys....

I love when you give me your requests 💕

[malfromtheblue]

i know this isnt one of ur ocs buttttt...

Himbo! clumsy! yan who tries to be a proper yandere lover, but his size always gets in the way of everything and hes really just a big, dumb idiot and subby bottom

PLEASE >\\\\<

you know what? you might actually be getting at something, and i love that

Warnings: Yandere topics, nsfw, mentions of blood/gore, stalking, harmful topics, cussing

• Himbo! Yan! That is just so incredibly fascinated by you. You worked behind the corner at the gym and signed people in, as well as checking them out. You always seemed bored of the job. He knew the second he laid eyes on you that he had to have you!!

• Himbo! Yan! that can't help but be a fumbling mess around you. He's tried to talk to you, at least a little bit. But he could only manage to stammer out a greeting, before his cheeks lit with a wild blush and he dropped the weights he was carrying. On his foot.

• Himbo! Yan! That gets raging boners just at the thought of you and has to tuck himself every few minutes to hide his heavy cock throbbing beneath the thin fabric of his shorts.

• Himbo! Yan! That actually can't do shit around you because he turns to a shaking, whining mess. You've avoided walking past him because every time you did, he'd start trembling and whimpering, staring at you with big puppy eyes.

• Himbo! Yan! That has tripped so many times around you that it's gotten pathetic. It usually occurs if he stares too long at you and then tries to walk closer. Obviously, he wants to get to know you but he's so fucking clumsy he can never seem to get a good shot without toppling over.

• Himbo! Yan! That has tried to follow you home on several occasions but couldn't manage to get his big build around people on the busy street and kept losing sight of you. He ended up just hiring someone the fifteenth time around.

•Himbo! Yan! Who hires someone to put camera's in your house so he can have sight of you at all times. He just HAS to make sure that nobody is breaking in or hurting you. And besides that, you look incredible in your pajamas, sprawled out on the bed just for him!

• Himbo! Yan who gets incredibly trigger-happy and easily agitated when he catches another gym patron staring at you. It's incredibly rude to stare at someone, especially when you so clearly belonged to him. He followed the patron out into the back where they usually smoked and bashed their skull in the wall repeatedly, until their face was unrecognizable. After he washed up, you were doing your rounds and checking on everyone as usual.

"You alright there?" You asked him when he got back to his usual spot. He blushed profusely and stammered out a:

"Y-yes! Mm~ fuck... I'm doing f-fine!"

You smiled sweetly and walked off as always. His eyes trailed down to the warmth pooling between his legs. He came. He cursed under his breath and leaned back, his head against the wall. God, you made him come undone so easily~!

•Himbo! Yan! That goes home from the gym that night and waits for you to get home so he can watch you undress and shower. He quickly takes out his big, fat cock from the weak confines of his shorts and frantically strokes himself. He arched his back the second he saw your perfect little body get wet underneath the heat of the water. His body lit on fire and he convulsed, spraying his sticky, thick cum all over his stomach, the bed, and the ceiling.

• Himbo! Yan who made a whole letter for you declaring his love and how he needed to be with you. Be in you until you were one with his own body. But when he gave the pink envelope to you, blushing furiously and rocking on his heels you shook out the chocolates from the otherwise empty envelope and thanked him. He stared at the envelope in disbelief. Wait, what?!

The stupid fuck had forgotten the actual letter at home.

He sighed heavily and went to his usual corner of the gym, watching you. Despite his obvious failure, you seemed more cheerful. You seemed chirpier with the patrons and clients coming in. And once, you caught him staring and stared back for a moment before giving him a wink and turning away to finish your shift. His eyes rolled back and a familiar warm wetness pooled between his thighs.

"O-oh... Fuckkkkk~"

I LOVED WRITIN THIS ACTUALLY!! i would like more requests like that!

~ Mal 💕🍵

[sweetiesicheng]

jun - fan meeting

word count : 684

happy birthday to cutie pie wen junhui~

-

[ jun ]

do you think you're

coming today? we're

going to perform all

of the new songs!

and i want to see my

pretty girlfriend ^^

[ y/n ]

i'm trying! there's a lot

of people out right now.

i might have to wait for

another subway.

i would say i'll text

you when i'm about

to get there, but you

might already be on

stage.

don't dance too hard!

[ jun ]

well i gotta so i can

impress you, baby.

[ y/n ]

you're always impressive.

going underground! see

you soon!

—

you walked downstairs and found yourself on a very crowded subway platform. with music playing from your headphones, you moved your head to the song but change the playlist you were listening to.

you looked at a nearby screen and saw that the next subway was coming in a few minutes. then, you started checking your belongings, making sure you had everything you needed for the fan meeting.

despite being in a relationship with jun, you always bought your own albums to support him and the guys. with every album, you're always amazed at every aspect of it and enjoy getting to have an ever growing collection of music.

—

you had to wait to get into another subway due to how many people were on the platform, but once you were on the next subway, you got to sit down on a bench. you started playing on your phone while waiting to get to your stop.

luckily, this subway wasn't too crowded, so you were sitting comfortably. you looked at a screen and looked for the stop you needed to get off at.

eventually, you made it to the stop and got off of the subway. you headed out of the station and walked to the venue. you went through security and went into the hall where the fan meeting was happening.

seventeen was already on stage performing, which meant you probably missed a few songs. you stayed in the back, and took a few pictures and videos of the event.

"y/n!"

when you heard your name being called, you put your phone down and noticed one of the managers.

"why didn't you tell us you were here? here, come with me," they said to you, gesturing for you to follow them.

"i didn't want to bother all of you," you mentioned while walking with the manager. "there's a lot of people today," you commented.

"yea, this album is doing really well," they said to you.

you were brought to the sidelines right by the stage, and another staff member gave you a special pass. the label said "manager" on the pass but it was clearly not meant for you.

"that spot over there has a good view," the manager said to you, pointing to an area on the sidelines.

you nodded, "thanks," you said with a smile.

—

after watching seventeen perform and finish up their fan meeting. you went to a dressing room and found your boyfriend.

"hi."

jun whipped his head around and lit up, "y/n!" he got up and went over to hug you. "i'm glad you could make it."

"i was a little late, so i didn't get to see the title track and a few other songs," you mentioned.

"oh, it's okay. you'll see them at the concert," he said with a smile. "we have to go to practice. want to come with us?"

"oh sure," you replied. "are you guys hungry? i can order food for everyone."

"one of the managers is already ordering food for us," dk told you.

"i'll tell them to order another meal for you," jun said to you.

you nodded, "okay." then, you remembered one of the reasons why you came to the fan meeting. "babe, can you do me a favor?" you asked while taking one of the albums out of your bag.

"hm? oh, you want an autograph?" jun replied, holding his hand out.

you smiled at him, "yea, gotta get my favorite artist to sign it after all," you said before turning your head. "vernon! come sign it please!"

"hey! baby!"

[marshmallowprotection]

sudden red lipstick kiss attack with V or Saeran and Ray from their MCs. discuss.

Jihyun won't see it coming. But, that's to your advantage. He likes being doted on, much to his own amazement after having spent so many years denying himself the opportunity to enjoy a gentle touch.

The thing is, he wouldn't think about you wearing lipstick at the time, so if you decided to surprise him with a dozen kisses at the party, he would be none the wiser to the fact that he looks like he’s had a good time with you. It's not such a bad thing, though, to see him smile and enjoy himself without realizing everyone can see it. For a guy who has become used to of eyes on his back, it's a leap in development to see him not think twice. People might chuckle at the sight of him, but he won't think about it.

He'll hold your hand and gush at the party about how good things are going for the two of you. Sure, he might turn red in the face when the next person he comes across tells him he's covered in stains, but he'll be happier for it. "Oh, I don't mind. I'm happy to know I'm loved, even if my partner wants to tease me."

See, with Ray, he would be exhilarated by the kisses. He wants to be able to kiss you more than anything in the world, but he's afraid that you don't want to do that with him. It's why he holds back, why he's unable to think past his fear and insecurity, but if you're able to make the first move when he's in a good place, he'll be floored... and while he won't want to leave you after you share kiss after kiss, he knows he would have to leave for work.

Believers would stare at him until he got back to his room, but that's not unusual for him. He knows that people gawk at him for the way he dresses and for the power he has at the Savior's side, but this guy would never once suspect that the reason they're staring is because you marked him with your lips.

He might never want to scrub his face ever again because you let your mark claim him... of course, the best way to convince him to wash it off is to offer to replace those marks again.

Suit Saeran has the same logic, if you ask me, even if you got the chance to pepper his face in kisses and he didn't blow up on you for doing so, he wouldn't have any idea that you left a mark on him. He would be too caught in his emotions to think straight, and I know no believer is going to stand there and tell him that his face looks like he found himself on the receiving end of a paint brush.

But, unlike Ray, he would scold you over the phone for doing that to him. How dare you mark him and try to prove you're stronger than he is! How dare you imply that he's not the strongest and that your lips prove that you can undermine his authority! Next time, he'll mark up your face in the same way, so hand over that tube of gloss!

[hazelira]

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥 𝐛𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐧𝐞 | JAKE

genres: fluff, angst, and comfort

word count: 769

summary: Y/N grapples with the pain of always being "the girl before the one" as she navigates her feelings for Jake. Despite their deep connection and her comfort in his presence, she fears being left behind again. Jake reassures her of his genuine affection and commitment through vulnerability and tender exchanges. This story explores the angst of feeling replaceable and the comfort of finding someone who truly sees and values you for who you are.

˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚ ˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚ ˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚ ˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚

The sun was setting, casting a warm golden hue over the city. I walked through the familiar streets, my mind wandering back to the countless times I'd been here before. The memories were bittersweet, a mix of happiness and heartache. 

I stopped in front of a café, its warm lights glowing invitingly. This place held so many memories for me, especially with Jake. We always came here, sharing laughs over coffee and pastries and talking about our dreams and fears. But that was before everything changed.

˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚ ˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚ ˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚ ˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚

(Flashback)

"Y/N, you're amazing," Jake said, his eyes sparkling with genuine admiration. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

I smiled, my heart swelling with warmth. "Jake, you're the best thing that ever happened to me."

We spent countless evenings together, growing closer with each passing day. I thought we had something special, something that could last forever. But then, like a cruel twist of fate, he met her.

˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚ ˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚ ˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚ ˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚

(Present) I pushed open the café door, the familiar scent of coffee and baked goods greeting me. I found a quiet corner and sat down, my thoughts lingering on Jake. He had moved on and found someone else, and I was left behind once again. It wasn't the first time this had happened. I seemed to have a knack for being "the girl before the one." The one who helped them grow and supported them through their most challenging times, only to be left when they found someone else to love.

˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚ ˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚ ˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚ ˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚

(Flashback) "Y/N, I need to tell you something," Jake said one evening, hesitating. I looked at him, a sense of dread washing over me. "What is it, Jake?" "I've met someone," he admitted, looking down at his hands. "She's amazing, and... I think I'm falling for her." The words hit me like a punch to the gut. I tried to smile and be happy for him, but it felt like my heart was breaking again.

˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚ ˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚ ˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚ ˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚

(Present) I stirred my coffee, the steam rising in gentle curls. I had always been there for him, always willing to put his needs above mine. But now, sitting here alone, I wondered if I would ever find someone who saw me as more than just a stepping stone to their true love. Lost in my thoughts, I didn't notice someone approaching until they spoke. "Y/N?" I looked up, my heart skipping a beat. It was Jake. He looked different, more mature somehow, but those same kind of eyes were staring back at me. "Jake," I said, trying to keep my voice steady. "It's been a while." He smiled, pulling up a chair to sit across from me. "Yeah, it has. How have you been?" I shrugged, forcing a smile. "I've been okay. You?" "I'm good," he replied, but his eyes showed a hint of sadness. "I miss our talks, you know. You were always there for me." His words stirred something inside me. I had always been there for him; maybe a part of me would always be. But I couldn't keep being the girl who got left behind. "Jake, I need to ask you something," I said, barely above a whisper. "Why was I never enough?" He looked taken aback, his eyes widening slightly. "Y/N, it wasn't about you not being enough. You were amazing. It's just... I wasn't ready for what we had. I was scared." His words hung in the air, and I felt a sense of clarity for the first time. It wasn't about me being inadequate but about timing and circumstances. "Thank you for telling me," I said, feeling a weight lift off my shoulders. "I hope you find happiness, Jake. Truly." He reached across the table, taking my hand in his. "I hope you do, too, Y/N. You deserve it more than anyone."

˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚ ˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚ ˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚ ˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚

(Months Later) Life went on, and I focused on finding my happiness. I still thought about Jake sometimes, but the pain had dulled, replaced by a sense of acceptance and peace. One evening, as I walked through the park, I noticed a familiar figure sitting on a bench. Jake looked up, his face breaking into a smile when he saw me. "Hey, Y/N," he greeted, standing up to meet me. "How have you been?" "Better," I admitted, smiling back. "A lot better." We sat down together, talking like old times. There was no longer any sadness or longing, just a comfortable companionship. As the sun set, casting a warm glow over everything, I realized I was finally ready to let go of the past. Jake and I had our time, and it had shaped us both. But now, it was time for me to find my path, to be more than just "the girl before the one." And I felt hopeful about the future for the first time in a long time.

˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚ ˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚ ˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚ ˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚

If you liked my story, reblogging, liking and adding comments are greatly appreciated! thank u!

©hazelira, all work is written by me, do not copy or repost.

[dearanakin]

trust you | anakin skywalker: episode VI

Summary: You and Anakin have been paired to attend an event on the Jedi Temple, all because Poe Dameron insisted. The Jedi seems unprepared for the outcome of being in the spotlight, and you're faced with his vulnerabilities for the first time. (Ps: This is exactly how I imagine him during a specific scene from this chapter 🥺)

Warnings: vulgar language (as always), panic attack

Word count: 4.8k

----

Anakin:

As soon as we landed on Coruscant, we were all warmly welcomed by every person who had been waiting for us to come back from our mission. We were greeted by the engineers, other Jedi and even a few Droids, which celebrated Artoo's return as well.

I tried my best to not cringe at every hug or every handshake someone pulled at me, but I didn't want to look like a dick any more than I already do. So, I just nodded and gave them a smile before heading towards Luke and C-3PO who were waiting for me expectantly.

I rushed to my son, and he quickly pulled himself at me and wrapped his legs around my waist, slightly squeezing me with his small arms. "Hey, bud. It's good to see you".

Luke pulls back and looks at me with a big smile and I see how his big blue eyes sparkle with happiness. "You're back, dad. I wanna know everything. Did you fight the bad man? Did you shoot him? Did they die?".

His bombardment made me laugh as I shook my head from the amused remarks he made. I pull him back for another hug and feel him clinging to my neck, I could feel his energy seeping through my body. It made me feel immediately relieved from being back again.

Luke drops himself from my grip and holds my hand, looking back at the commotion that was still happening in the hangar. People were cheering for (Y/N) and Cal, exchanging hugs as Poe watched with his arms crossed against his chest. He's not really well known around the Temple, but he nods with a grin when people compliment and greet him.

I feel the little boy giving my hand a squeeze, making my eyes dart to him. "Can I go hug Miss (Y/N)? I've heard she was on the mission as well".

My throat suddenly tightened and I tried too hard to swallow. I keep looking at him like it was a hard decision to make. It didn't strike me that he would like to welcome her at all. Not after telling him many times he shouldn't be too close to anyone I didn't trust. And matter-of-factly, the little bastard loves to do the opposite as I say sometimes. My face falters and I give him an apologetic look.

"But dad, everyone is hugging her. I wanna give her a hug too!" His words stung, they felt like a stab on an open wound.

"They're all friends, buddy. We're not her friends, remember?" I crouch down to his level, trying to reason as my hand rests over his shoulder. Luke frowns over my words and Goodness Sake, I swear I can see disappointment.

"That's because you don't want me to be friends with her. I already told you she's nice to me!" He shoots an angry glare at me and diverts from my grip. Seconds later, he's running towards the group of people around the others.

I stand up huffing, shoving my hand over hair pulling the strands feeling on edge. This little shit always goes against my rules and it pisses me off. But I'm never one to punish him, for some reason it doesn't feel right to do that. My mother never did that to me either way.

Behind me, 3PO mumbled something pretty incoherent and it sounded muffled. My eyes roamed through the hangar, they landed on a shadow standing across the area. I couldn't see much from the distance, but I sensed the presence and it felt like I'd seen it before. My stomach tied to a knot and I felt the blood rising to my head. Suddenly I felt a pressure in my chest, my feet wouldn't move.

I tried to sprint to the other side of the hangar, not daring to look away from the person standing on the corner of the wall. I decided to run after them, but by the time I got there, I was met with nothing. I blinked a few times, trying to adjust my sight and making sure it wasn't some kind of illusion, or a trick. I still had this feeling on my body that I knew who it was, but couldn't actually pinpoint it.

My heart was racing and hammering against my ribcage. I felt my blood pressure pick up as though I was having a heart attack. I couldn't just breathe decently, and I had to lean against the wall for support otherwise I'd drop to the floor and embarrass myself.

After a few minutes trying to calm down, my feet dragged me into the small group of people who were just having a conversation after celebrating our return. I watched as Poe was sitting on the floor talking to Luke. I swear to God this boy loves to make acquaintances with every person he sees. I'm not sure it's exactly a good idea to let him get to know other people, but I let him this time, he seemed pretty involved.

I shifted my sight and was met with Cal and (Y/N) laughing over something they were talking about. She glanced at me for a slight second, enough for me to catch her eyes before she returned her gaze to her friend. It felt different, weird to look at her after what happened back there. She didn't seem too frightened like she did before we went out on the mission.

Before we landed, Poe had invited us for a drink later that day. I tried to refuse many times, but he made sure he would convince me to go so I would get rid of my "grumpy face". I really wanted to go back to my place and get some rest, spend time with my son, and get some distraction. I just wasn't the biggest fan of going to the bar and drinking, nor do I like to interact with other people like I did before. It's plain boring to me.

-

I ended up going to the bar with Dameron, who also invited (Y/N) and Cal, obviously. Not only I didn't have the greatest time of my life, but I also had to deal with him asking (Y/N) to be my plus one at this sort of event the Temple was making.

And here I was, sitting next to her at our table for six. Cal was sitting across from us, his bored expression radiating through the place. He had a friend beside him, who was having a conversation with the nerd next to me. Motherfucking Poe was happily sipping on his glass of water, nodding to his sister.

I kept fidgeting my fingers under the table, not really interested in being at one of these events where they praise people for doing their work. In fact, I consider this such bullshit, given that we are all fighters out there. Kestis would constantly look at me like he wants to choke me to death, and I'm sure he just about planned the entire thing.

"So" Poe's sister spoke up, we all whipped our heads waiting for a response. "When did you and Skywalker start dating?"

The man next to her almost choked on his water, clearing his throat.

"What?" My eyebrows shot up in confusion and I could hear the crack in my voice. "We're not- She's not my-"

"We aren't really-" I heard (Y/N) speak up at the same time, sensing her nervousness.

"These two?" Cal chimed in simultaneously, and I glanced at him, knowing the bitterness in his tone. With a sly smirk on his face, he shook his head in amusement. "They literally hate each other".

The expression plastered over Dameron's face, I recognized he didn't know where exactly my relationship with her stands. His sister was as surprised as he was, while the dumbass sitting in front of me seemed to be having fun.

"Shut up, Cal" (Y/N) seethed through gritted teeth. "I'm sorry, he likes to make up things just for his entertainment".

Is he lying, though? I wasn't the biggest fan of hers, and I surely didn't want to be at this fucking event sitting next to her. Especially if I have to face Cal on the other end of the table.

She gave Poe's sister a forced smile, clearing her throat. "We're not together. Your brother paired us for the event, but that's about it".

I shot him daggers, my eyebrows still knitted together. I'm going to have a fucking headache from this conversation. The pilot lifted his hands in surrender as his face flushed red.

"Hey, I didn't know that either. If anything, I thought they were together" He explained, pointing his index finger between (Y/N) and Cal.

It's not like it's debatable, their friendship is somewhat too strong, and they always look at each other as if they're in love. Maybe I'm seeing things the wrong way, but I'm sure Kestis definitely feels passionate about her.

Now, at least I was having some fun. The redhead in front of me blushed, his lips pursed and he huffed. I felt (Y/N) shift beside me and shove her forehead over her hand, running the fingers through her hair.

"No one is dating anybody, Poe" He seemed to be having a hard time coming up with words, I watched as Cal tried to get rid of his hoarse voice while taking a sip of his water.

"Oh, really? You always seem pretty close" I push, receiving a warning glance from him. The curve of my lips pull into a smile and I tilt my head, faking my reaction.

"No. We're just really good friends" Cal clenches his jaw and I can feel his hands turn into fists besides his body under the table.

"Then why are you blushing?" I hear myself egging him, feeling his stare burn into me. Before he could speak up again, his friend cut him off.

"Okay, let's go get something to eat!" She stood up from her chair, grabbing him by his forearm. Kestis was pissed at me by the way his eyebrows were frowning and his hands were still closed.

I wiggle my fingers as I wave at him, watching as both of them disappear through the crowd of people dancing and conversing. I noticed (Y/N) was staring at me in shock, eyes widened and arms crossed over her chest.

"You're such a dick!" She protests before leaving the table, snapping the napkin over her empty plate.

This is just great, things are going exactly how I imagined they would. Like shit, as always.

"Wow, this is like a second-hand embarrassment table" Poe muttered with a nervous chuckle.

"This was your idea!" I angrily point at him with my robotic arm and he swats it away, rolling his eyes.

"Nope, my idea was to try to have some fun. Catch up and spend time together. The 'being a jerk' idea was all yours" He playfully smiles as he taps me on my shoulder. I shrug him off, fuming.

"Fuck off" I get up from my seat and walk over the hall of the Temple. From a distance, I can see the kids playing with the nurse Droids and a few Padawans as well. At least someone is having decent fun in this fucking place.

I wander through the numerous groups of people talking, while they eat their dinner and sip their drinks. They're smiling at each other, laughing and enjoying themselves. This is why I hate this kind of event, forcing myself to get here every time and watch as they all look at me like I'm some kind of superhero. Deep, I know. They only get to see my shell, my outer behavior. No one can see or know what really happens inside my head, what I feel in my body.

They can sense the somewhat darkness seeping through my blood vessels, but I don't let anyone feel more than that. Not the intrusive thoughts, not the grieving or the sorrow, or even the hatred. I had to create a shield to protect myself from having empathy and it comes with the price of seeing people distance themselves from me. I watch as they look at me with fear, they avoid looking at me.

I'm still not convinced my team trusts me completely, but they never showed me otherwise. I've had Cal as my wingman for a couple of years now and we never really had arguments over the time, just now it seemed like I've crossed some lines when I confronted (Y/N). He's not the first person to hate my guts right now, and he sure won't be the last either. Neither will she, for a fact.

I found her leaving the ladies room just in time when she was met with my eyes roaming around the area, looking for her. (Y/N) shifted her gaze when she noticed my glance. From her demeanor, I realized she was trying to get rid of me, shoving herself among the people as she tried to blend in. My feet were quick to follow her, trying not to knock everyone down while I swimmed through the crowd. Jesus, I wouldn't take her for someone who can run that fast without having a regular exercising routine.

My hand grazed her wrists, aiming for her waist instead. The mere touch burned my skin, it was foreign after so long. It was completely odd for me to hold someone - a woman - by the waist. She turned over, trying to shove my hands off of her, not being strong enough for my fingers to slip.

"Let me go, Skywalker. Or I'll scream!" (Y/N) tried to stand at least an arm span from me. Her small hands eagerly held mine as she still struggled to get rid of my hold.

"Hey, calm down now. Let me talk for just a minute" I lowered my chin and showed some empathy before she decided to lose it and make a scene.

"I think you've said enough for today" She didn't move her hands from mine. I could feel (Y/N) was having a difficult time trusting me after the stunt I pulled, her eyes were squinted and her forehead was crinkled with annoyance.

I rolled my eyes, knowing I wasn't in the right for making excuses. I just wanted to have my fun with the guy, I didn't do any harm to him. "Look- I'm... sorry. I was an ass, I recognize that and I didn't mean to make you feel embarrassed".

Her expression dropped a little, but I can see she was going to be sarcastic. She was chuckling, looking at me with taunting in her eyes. "You really had me there, Anakin. For a moment I wasn't sure you had the word "sorry" in your vocabulary".

And then, the next second, (Y/N) went back to the previous angry look, shoving both of my hands from her waist. I rolled my eyes before letting out a groan as I scratched the back of my neck. "Why make this hard and just say you don't want my apology?".

She places one hand over her waist, while pinching her chin with the other. I swear to God, I barely have any patience for this kind of game. "Huh, come to think of it, I might actually just forgive you. The way you're grimacing, it must have been really hard for you to say that word".

I watch her send me a small smile before turning on her back, walking back to our table. I must be a really bad person if people think I can't just apologize when I do something wrong.

Before I even consider taking another step, I hear my name being shot out from the small stage. Here we go again with the show. Master Yoda was sitting down on a stool, holding a microphone in his tiny green hand, waving for me to come over.

Shit.

I forced a smile, feeling everyone's eyes burn into my back as I walked towards him, immediately balling my hands into fists from instinct of self protection. I might as well have social anxiety if that's even a thing. I stood there in front of dozens of people, some were clapping their hands, some were whistling and then there was Cal, who was definitely not even masking the way his eyes were rolling.

There was a speech, which I didn't manage to listen to. I was too busy keeping my eyes on Luke as he looked at me with a sparkle in his eyes, probably proud of his father for being there. Like I'm a motherfucking God. I'm sure this place belonged to Obi-Wan more than anything, although it was obvious he would go against it just like me. Whatever Yoda was yapping about just about sounded muffled to me, and I wish I could just kill myself.

"To the bravest Jedi Master, here is to" He celebrates, extending his little arms to me as he holds a fucking medal. "Proud of you, we all are".

I hear the claps again, the cheering and the warming celebration right above my eyes. But I don't feel it, I don't agree with all the adoration and admiration. My head whips to where Luke stands, he's jumping around and celebrating his own father. My own eyes glint with gratitude for having him next to me. He's my anchor, the angel sent from heaven to help me stay whole.

"I- Uh- Thank you for the support..." I heave as I feel a lump in my throat. "But I don't think I deserve this. I'm not sure it's good enough for me" My voice barely comes out, my hands are trembling as I hold the microphone with one, while the other grips the medal.

There's silence and shuffling around the hall. I'm sure Kestis would stand up and just scream saying I suck. But it never came. In fact, the only sound echoing through the room was from running feet. When I came to realize, my boy was standing right in front of me, holding the hem of my blazer. I look down at him, there's a frown on his face and it hits me. I disappointed my child too.

"But you're the bravest Jedi Master, dad! Everyone says you're the chosen one, you deserve it" He goes through his sentence nodding at every word he says. "You're a good person, daddy. We are proud of you".

I stare at him with my jaw slack and my mind spiraling, going blank as the words freeze in my mouth. The moment I take in everything he just said, my body can't help but keep completely stagnant. Yoda protests again, saying his last words as if he agrees with Luke, but it's hard to focus on my surroundings. I just step out of this torture and get a hold of the boy, pulling him into a hug as he wraps himself around my torso.

Even with my body feeling tense, closing my eyes didn't make a difference at this point. I squinted them shut as much as I could, clinging to Luke as if it was the last thing I had to do. It still wasn't enough for me to shake off the draining feeling, nor was I able to avoid listening to the murmuring as they went back to what they were doing. My hands were still shaking and feeling numb, my eyes shooting up immediately.

I clear my throat, pulling away from him just enough to speak. It came out hoarse and strangled. "I'll be right back, alright? Get back to your friends".

My blurry vision sent a shockwave through my body and I stiffened, every cell shooting an alarming feeling straight to my brain. I shake my head, trying to make sense of what's in front of me but everything seems too distorted. My boots heavily drag me out of there, leading me to a corner where no one would bother or ask questions about me. It becomes too hard to walk, my fingertips graze the wall like it was soap, slipping through it, and I can hear my blood pumping so loud that everything else becomes a haze.

I walk into a small room, which was probably a janitor's room, dropping to my knees as soon as I close the door behind me. My first instinct is to punch the wall, release the nerves stuck on me. I can feel the sweat dripping down my neck and my forehead, my hair sticking to the damp skin. The blazer and tunic are suffocating me and I have to force myself to undress before it gets harder to breathe. I groan when I notice the numbness over my body, my heart rate quickly picking up. I pace around the small room, breaking and throwing anything I see in front of me.

Just let it out, Skywalker. It will go away. It has to.

"You're so... fucking... ridiculous!" I say to myself as I keep walking in circles, kicking and punching. My airways become smaller each breath I take and I start wheezing.

"You're lame, Anakin. Fucking. Lame" My hands fly up to my face and I start smacking myself on the forehead for reassurance.

For a second, I lean against the small shelf in front me. I can feel something shift inside of me, my eyes became extremely dry and it burned. I snapped out of my thoughts when the door - which I could've sworn was locked - opened. (Y/N) stood there, shocked to see me like that.

She doesn't even take the hint, rather than just walks in and locks the door with both of us inside the small room.

"Anakin, what's wrong?" She looks at me, worried and scared. Her hands hesitantly reach out to my arms, but I grab her wrists before they touch me.

"What the hell are you doing here?" My tone was husky from the whisper screaming and from the anger.

She shifted her eyes between mine and my trembling hands gripping her. I could still barely see, my eyelids were twitching and they felt too heavy.

"Your- your eyes" (Y/N) motioned her hands, pulling them back, placing them over her mouth. "You're-"

My knees gave out before I could fucking yell at her again. I groaned so loud that it was deafening this time, my hands pulled my hair from the roots. The hot tears started to prick and I tried to blink them away. "Get out, now!"

I felt her startle next to me, taking a step back, and it was enough for me to get myself distant from her. I didn't need anyone seeing me like this, especially her. With my eyes closed and my fists clenching hard, I sit down and lean against the wall. I rest my elbows against my knees and shove my head back against the wall multiple times.

"Go away! Go away! Go away!" I scream out, my throat burning from the action and my head throbbing from the bashing.

"Anakin! Look at me, now. Please, it's just me" She speaks through a wavering voice. I feel one of her hands resting against my flesh one, the warmth spreading through my skin.

The touch always burned, it didn't feel repelling, it just felt awkward. Strange. It was hard to accept the gesture.

I shook my head for what felt like an entire minute, my mouth mumbling incoherent words and I still leaned against the wall. Her hand hovered over my jawline and I immediately clenched it, my arm instinctively shot upwards to grab her forearm and she yelped from the sudden action. "It's okay, Anakin. No one knows".

Slowly my eyes opened to meet her face standing inches from me, respecting the distance even though her hand was barely touching my face. The gears in my head started working against my will, my nose flared in rage and I immediately wrapped her throat around my metal hand. I stood right up, pushing her against the wall as she choked with the impact. Her hands gripped my arm with mercy, she tried to gasp for air as she tried to speak.

I didn't feel guilty, I didn't feel sympathetic, I didn't feel anything. All I could see right now was red and I could tell my eyes were bloodshot from how angry I was. And then her behavior shifted again by the way she was looking at me, she was panicking. She couldn't look at me just like she was doing seconds ago. I tilt my head and release her, but not fast enough to catch her before she drops to the floor on her knees. I can feel it now. I know that feeling.

The panic attacks almost never came with the deadly feeling of snapping someone's neck. And now I know why I feel the way I just did. The darkness I've been told about too many times before. If you let it in, you can't control it. It's been dormant for years, I know I feel it coming to the surface when I can't control my own emotions. This time, it was finally reaching out to the surface and breaking out of it. I stepped out and walked backwards until my back hit the wall again, watching as she stood on her feet.

"Anakin-"

I swallow the enormous pain in my throat. "You need to go". She struggled to disagree, her head shaking hesitantly. My chest was heaving, everything hurts and I'm still feeling numb as fuck. "Just go!"

It took me that long to finally break down and I did right in front of her. In front of someone I so much despised for failing to do her job and now I'm paying for being exactly who I promised myself I would be. The pain in my stomach was nauseating and I had to slump down against the wall, this time not giving a fuck I looked like a crying baby. I had too much in my head already.

She tried to hold my chin up to face her, and I watched as her hand stayed frozen only a few inches before she decided against it and carefully gripped my skin. (Y/N) stares at my soul intently, eyes roaming through my face as I hold back the urge of grunting.

"It's okay, it's not the time to be tough. I know I'm not your favorite person right now but let me help you" She tries to coax in a soothing voice.

I have the hardest time getting myself to react, as my body is still struggling against the episode I just had. I want to push her away, I want to swat her hand away from me, I hate that I feel too vulnerable to avoid any physical contact. I just can't. "I'm bad. I'm so bad" I rasp.

I can't even speak. I feel my throat burning, my skin burning, my lung burning. Every inch of my body feels like it's on fire. And I can't fight against it this time. She withdraws her hand from my face, sliding it against my robotic hand, closing it tightly. "Hey, you need to fight against it. You're still you".

I shake my head in disbelief and let out a gruff laugh. I haven't been myself in six years. I just work through it so I won't lose it. Everyday is a battle against the darkening feeling just for the sake of Luke's life, because he doesn't deserve that kind of father. He doesn't even deserve this father. "You don't know shit about me".

I expect her to back up and leave, but she stays crouched on my eye level, still gripping my hand. Her lips are pursed in a thin line, and her irises are boring into mine. I recognize that look, she's trying to figure me out, I shut it down and drop my head. "Stop it".

"They were yellow" She said in a whisper, and I shot my head up again. "Your eyes. They were-"

"I know... I've seen it happen before, once" I try to not make a big deal out of it, but there's only so much I can do about that. Because I know I can't avoid it from happening anymore.

"I'm not good. I'm not good for anyone" My confession almost came out as a sob. This time, I couldn't handle the stress and I couldn't even think about what I was going to do after what happened.

She's going to see me as a joke, as a pussy man who gets medals for being the bravest Jedi Master, while behind closed doors, he falls to his knees and cries his sorrows.

I'm not the Jedi I should be.

@jackie-on-the-loose @adorbzliz @himesuedi @kingdomhate @himesuedi @cl0esblogg @littlecoffeeadict @readingthingsonhere

[jerswayman]

LOVE THY GOALIE. GIVE THY GOOD BOY HEAD PATS.

[sollucets]

favorite characters x favorite color: yok

[uncanny-tranny]

I think I've cracked why it makes me so irate when customers have this expectation that workers not only offer service to them but to Do It With a Smile.

It's this sense of entitlement that it isn't enough to have a service offered to you, but that it must never remind you why workers might not be chipper.

What people mistake is that this country is built off freedom that makes us All Happy. What they miss is that this country was built on façades and platitudes - the comfort of being shielded from any uncomfortable reality.