Tomorrow I start the midterms, so my activity will fluctuate depending on their difficulty. The one of tomorrow might be the trickiest one as it's the most unpredictable of all, so I don't really know what the teacher is going to do. So here's to hope for the best and that I can continue with the row of good grades I've been keeping since the beginning of this last year! Stay warm and safe ♥︎
5 notes
·
View notes
I feel like over the month+, I have like 1-2 hours a day max where I feel relatively awake, and every other hour I'm fighting bone-deep exhaustion. I'll bring it up with my doc at my check up on monday, but tbh i know the solution so idk if she can help
And I can work-work when I feel half-dead, or rather I force myself to because I don't want my cats to starve, but when it comes to creative stuff, it's like my mind is slippery sludge dribbling out my eyes...
The Solution, of course: just stop working 3~10 AM every day (and then taking a short nap, working during the day, and then taking another short nap, hours vary but repeat), and maybe get at least 6, ideally 8 uninterrupted hours of sleep at least every other day, ideally every day.
But do I see that happening? No.
Like rn I know I desperately need to edit fic and reply to comments and do several arts but I'm nodding off at my desk after boss DMing me work at 5 AM and dealing with repair people since 8:30 AM...
37 notes
·
View notes
having an intense moment of "why am i even putting forth all the effort to write this 30k+ word fic when only one person is going to care about it and that person already knows everything that happens" tonight (not helped by the last 30k word fic i put out getting 9 kudos and one singular comment) and trying to remind myself that i write because i like writing, because there are stories i want to tell and that even if i'm only telling them to myself it's still worthwhile
but also. it's a struggle when part of why i write and post things is because i want to connect with other people through telling stories and making them feel things the way the stories i read make me feel things, and when there's no evidence that people connect with the things i write....ugh. it gets to feeling pointless
i know. i know. and i won't let depression or anxiety prevent me from doing one of the only hobbies i still can participate in, and the creative outlet i've had for years. tonight is just...being very ugh about it. maybe because the scene i'm working on is being very tricky and a struggle to get through right now and i only have the aforementioned one single person to hype it.
9 notes
·
View notes
hey.
so. haven't been around for quite some time, mostly due to my health issues (the usual + muscle aches and joint pains, i'm having a great time), but also in part due to The Situation. it's hard to care about anything with everything that's been going on, it all seems so pointless and meaningless, i'm living in a completely different universe from everyone else here. wish i could be that privileged, but alas. it's also hard being around here, and on other social media platforms for that matter, and seeing the raging antisemitism and sheer hate everywhere. i haven't checked my dash in almost 2 months, haven't checked specific blogs like i used to either, and have no plans on doing so anytime soon. i know what i'll find, i don't want it.
i was gonna stay quiet like i ususally do, especially since i genuinely don't have energy for anything rn, but it's been 2 months and i've been biting my tongue and screaming and crying into my pillow daily and i just need to get some of it out before i implode. there's only so much ignorance and hate that one person can take before snapping, so. here i am.
i have so much i want to say, i've written a million posts in my mind in the past 2 months, but i'm too Tired to actually write them down, and it'll just be one big messy ramble anyway, so i'm just gonna reblog a couple of other people's posts and make do with that. just a couple, don't worry, i know these are issues most either want to avoid dealing with or the opinions shared in those posts are a complete 180 degrees from what's trendy to believe in today. but i have to share it anyway. for 2 months i've been terrified, frustrated, bitter, angry and absolutely heartbroken, but there's one thing i haven't been, and that is ashamed. i'm proud of who i am. i'm proud of my people and their spirit. you will never understand what it's been like for us, what it still is like for us, but let me just say this: they wanted to break us, they wanted to break our spirit. they failed. we've never been more united. they just made us stronger.
so i'm gonna reblog some stuff so i can get it out of my system and move on. at worst i hope you just ignore and scroll past it; at best i hope you keep an open mind and maybe for the first time read things from a different pov instead of just the one sided propaganda everyone is continuously exposed to. maybe you'll see it isn't all black and white, maybe you'll see there are nuances you're not even aware of, maybe you'll realize you've been fed a lot of misinformation, half truths and even lies over the years. maybe. if you have questions or want to have a mature and civil conversation about it, feel free to msg me and i'll try and reply when my health allows me to, i'm open to discussion. if you want to unfollow me after this, feel free to do so. i'm not gonna force my truth on anyone, but i'm also not gonna change who i am for anyone either.
and on a more personal note, i wanna say thank you again for the msgs i've received last time and haven't replied to (due to health, Situation etc), and for the ones i've gotten since (will get to those soon i hope). i do feel the need to say this tho - i did have a peek or two at my dash and on twitter earlier on and saw some things. i was in a super sensitive state at the time and it was pretty disheartening ngl. it's hard nowadays, with all the hate going on and public opinion being what it is, to know whether or not you're still welcome in these spaces, whether or not people still like you and care about you, or if you've officially become persona non grata. most days it feels like the latter tbh. i just don't know where i stand. i said i'm not gonna force myself on anyone and i'm not, so if you're still ok with me…i guess the ball's in your court? 🌻
thanks for reading. thanks for sticking around, to those who decide to do so. take care y'all. never again is now. am yisrael chai. 💙
10 notes
·
View notes
Before anyone asks for the files, I don't have my CD yet and I'm not buying the iTunes files to upload those. I should have it sometime next week or later. I'm also going to be unavailable through the weekend anyway.
I'm undecided on uploading the files because I did say I wanted to step back a bit with things being available legally. But also because it's a large CD with a lot of songs to buy if you don't already have them, I understand there's a price barrier. Though the solo albums are the best bang for your buck of any CD release.
We'll see when I return? I also don't know if I can even get them uploaded because when I went back to Pri Love Universe, it straight up wouldn't cooperate uploading and I don't have the energy to figure that out right now.
Live Emotion songs are in a similar boat. Undecided. Absolutely no clue when I'll have that CD due to the proxy I'm using trading stuff. But those I could be convinced to buy digitally because those previews are bangers and I love group songs.
4 notes
·
View notes