#I'm so fuckin' proud of myself dude

[achillean-knight]

REDRAW TIME! 3-year difference ;0;!

[byanyan]

down to one draft left from november and then i'm in to december and january!!! i'm getting so clooooose to being caught up

[chibikinesis]

.

[bluecollarmcandtf]

My Found Family

I never grew up with the luxury of family. As an orphan, my childhood was lacking to say the least, and it left me jealous of any kid with caring fathers and siblings. That's why I had to find my family. Nobody's perfect, but with a little reconditioning, I've trained them to be exactly what I was looking for.

This guy is now my father...

"Breakfast is ready, boys!" I call, using my lower register like I'm supposed to, "Whoops! I mean bacon-fest!"

Guttural laughter comes from my stomach even though I don't find my joke that funny. Bad jokes like this have sort of become my personality lately. In fact, my whole life has transformed over the last couple days. A week ago, I would've never imagined myself strolling around my house in nothing but underwear and a robe! My standards for style seem to have vanished along with pretty much every other part of my old way of being.

It happened three days ago at a grocery store, when I ran into this guy in the produce section. He caught me examining avocados for ripeness and walked right up, beginning to talk like we'd known each other for years.

It was all a bit bizarre, but I found myself unable to turn away. He was explaining my life to myself. Well, not my life, but the one he wanted me to live, the one I was meant to live, and I hung on his every word. He was maybe six years younger than myself, but I was to be his new daddy. It was a role I was proud to fill.

"Here you are, son," I grin widely, unable to contain the feelings of pride I have as he walks into the room.

"Thanks, old man," he answers and grabs the plate gratefully.

For a moment, I stand there and stare. My heart beats for my boy as he tears apart the food I made for him. My paternal instincts have been working overtime lately. I can't help but love that boy with every fatherly fiber of my being.

It doesn't matter that I never wanted kids before. Previously, I'd wanted to remain a bachelor forever, but I have them now, and it couldn't feel more perfect.

With a content grin, I turn back to the sizzling bacon and think about my day. Things I used to hate were now what I looked forward to; mowing the lawn, washing the car, cleaning the gutters. I have a full day of work ahead of me to keep this house in tip top shape. Of course, I'll do it all with an ice cold beer in my hand. I never had a taste for the stuff, but my boy thinks I should grow a bit more of a gut.

I know what I say goes around here, but I could never say no to my favorite son...

I obviously have dad wrapped around my finger, but he's not the only member of this family. This next dude is my new big bro...

"Fuck yeah," I grunt and sniff up the ripe stench under my arm, "Smells like a real fuckin' man!"

I toss the barbell down, finishing a new personal record on the bench press and I couldn't feel more pumped. My tank top and sweat pants are drenched with sweat, but I love bein' a nasty gym rat: at least, I do now.

A week ago I was waiting tables at this fancy restaurant, when one of the customers got to talking with me. He was sitting alone and looked kinda sad, so I tried to be friendly and I'm sure glad I did! I got a whole new family out of it. He made me quit my job and move into this sweet place. Now I'm his big brother!

Of course, like all big bro's, I'm supposed to work out in the garage all day. I was never one for weights, but I couldn't imagine my life without them anymore. I like to push my limits and get all hot and sweaty. Then I march around the house flexing and farting all over the place. It's not the most refined thing in the world, but my bro explained to me how much I don't care about hygiene and all that crap.

"Wassup, little man," I call as he saunters in.

"Nothing much," he answers, staring at my arms while I show off my biceps.

"Alright, get out of my space. I'm tryin' to work out," I snarl, acting as tough as possible, "Do I need to wrestle you again to prove my point?"

I definitely didn't used to be like this. I used to be the most polite and approachable guy in the world, always chatting random people up, but that guy's gone. My bro got rid of him and his old family. This new family is the only one I'm interested in now, even if I'm not supposed to show it. I'm supposed to be muscular, rude, and gross. It's who I am now.

"Alright, I'll leave you to it," he replies, "You can wrestle me though."

"I will," I frown, flexing even harder, "And this time, I'll win!"

Whenever we wrestle, I always end up with the urge to let him win. It sucks because I could easily beat him, and I should put him in his place, but for some reason, I just know I have to let him win. He just deserves it I guess.

I give him an intense glare and then return to my weights. These arms aren't going to pump themselves...

My big bro always makes my legs quiver, but I love seeing how cocky he can get. Of course, he'll never out wrestle me no matter how big he gets. I programmed him to let me win. Just like I programmed the breadwinner of the bunch...

A short groan rumbles from my lips. For some reason, everything has been disappointing me lately: my sons, my husband, my job has all been leaving me grumpy and frustrated. Even the channels on the TV aggravate the living hell out of me. I have to fight the urge to chuck the remote across the room.

"How was your day, honey," my husband asks, walking into the room and handing me a beer.

"Great," I moan without any emotion.

Everything's been changing so fast lately, and I couldn't be more over it. I was married to my work, busting ass for years to get promotion after promotion, and I had a job I loved that paid extremely well. I couldn't be more happy, even if I was the only unmarried guy in the office. I didn't mind. I loved my bowling league and my solo trips to Vegas too much to settle down.

Then I met him, my son. Well, he wasn't my son at the time, but after talking, I quickly realized who he was and who I was to him. I'm the head of the household, the disciplinarian, the breadwinner. At least, that's who I've become.

"What's for dinner?" I grunt, peeling my eyes away from the TV.

Looking at my husband, odd feelings bubble up. I used to know him as my neighbor, a nice enough guy, but now I'm married to him. It all happened so fast. He's changed too recently, I think. The guy I knew a week ago would've never walked around all day in a robe and underwear.

His hand reaches out and holds my own, "Steak and potatoes if that's alright with you."

I grunt in agreement, turning back to the TV. My husband's presence stirs my cock to life, straining my member against my work slacks.

This is another new development.

Until now, I'd never had a gay bone in my body. In some ways, I still don't, but my son explained how I should feel about my husband. I should love him, I should be turned on by him, and I should get it on with him. He's right, I suppose.

"Hey, I could use a blow job before you get cooking," I gesture to the thick tent in my pants.

My husband pauses for a moment like he's unsure of what to do, but then it comes to him, "Of course, babe, but we need to be quiet. Both of our boys are home right now."

"Don't worry about it. If they walk in without knocking they'll get the belt," I snort as my husband gets on his knees in front of me.

"You shouldn't be so hard on-" before he can finish, I've shoved his face into my crotch.

Somehow, I know I can be rough with him, just like I can be rough with our sons. I'm the man of the house after all. Within seconds I'm grunting in pleasure while staring at the evening news broadcast. For some reason, I always find myself watching it and complaining about current events. It's just who I am now..

I grin, sneaking a peak at my two dad's going at it in the living room like the good little couple they are. My new family couldn't be more perfect, but no family is complete without the dog...

"Ruff!" I bark, gleefully scampering over to the bowl of food that was just placed on the floor.

Without hesitating, I shove my face into the bowl, sending the little pellets flying everywhere. They taste like cardboard, but for some reason, I can't get enough of them! I've done nothing but drool and whine for the last hour while the real humans eat their dinner at the table.

"That's a good boy," a voice coos, and I feel fingers running through the hair on my head.

I can barely acknowledge being petted. I know I'm supposed to act like a hungry animal right now, so that's what I do.

I would've never thought I'd find myself as a house pet, but a couple days ago, this guy just walked up to me and talked me into it. It'd just been a normal day for me, working at the car garage when he became my master. I knew right there and then that I had to drop to my hands and knees and follow him home with my tongue out.

My new life has been great ever since. My masters play ball with me outside, they hose me down when I get muddy, and they snuggle with me on the couch at night. I barely even miss my old work and fiance!

"Alright, boy," one of my master's commands, "That's enough. Get in here!"

It's the mean one. The one who used to own this house, but is now just a working dad. He's always the one who hits me with a newspaper when I drink from the toilet. I don't know why, but I just feel compelled to do it!

Licking the bowl clean, I abandon it and crawl into the living room. There, the entire family is gathered around the television.

I stop by the smelly one and sneak in a few licks. I love licking him because he's always salty with sweat and smells funny. After licking his feet for too long, he kicks me away, "Leave me alone, mutt!"

"Oh don't talk to him that way," the nice one adds.

I climb on the couch and curl up beside him. His belly is always the perfect cushion for my head to rest on, and he always lets me lick his beer bottle when he's done. Within a couple minutes, I'm drifting off as his hands absently play with my hair...

...sitting with my family at night is always my favorite part. Watching TV with my two dads, brother, and dog heals the child in me that had always yearned for this. Sure, it might be easier to just go to therapy, but this is sure as hell a lot more fun!

[sublimecatgalaxy]

I really loved loved loved loved loved your Dangerous Woman fic (I miss when Euphoria was so hyped) so I wanted to request a Fezco x dealer!reader?

I just think it's so badass and hot- ugh. Love it.

Oh thank you so much for your kind words! I've been getting so much love lately from my anons- I literally love all of you. Dangerous Woman is one of my favorite fics too, I love it with all of my heart- it's my baby.

"You again?" Fez asks, stepping further past me and into my apartment with an exasperated sigh and I smirk, taking a second to peak out into the night, making sure he wasn't followed or tagged.

"Nice to see you too, Fezco." I chuckle, locking the door before turning to look at him with a simple tilt of my head.

It's been almost two months since we've seen each other, normally seeing each other in business type situations but the last interaction was anything but business. I can still feel the way that his hands felt against my hips, the way his lips felt against mine and- based on the look in his eyes as he stares at me from across the room- I can tell he feels it too.

"Since your punk of a brother killed my boss, I've had to step up and put on my big boy pants." I toy with the waistband of my sweatpants teasingly as I step up to my table, slipping down into the seat before motioning for him to sit down across from me. He does what I say and splays his hands out on the table in front of me, further distracting my mind from the wads of cash and drugs strewn out across the table.

"Yeah, well they suit you." He flirts with a sheepish blush on his cheeks.

"Thanks, big boy." I sigh, clasping my hands beneath my chin. "So what can I do for you today?"

"I need you to spot me some molly. There's a fuckin' party tonight and Ash wants to sell." He explains and I scoff, looking around expectantly.

"Why isn't Ash here then?"

"I think he's afraid of you." Fez laughs, leaning back in his chair as his knees spread tantalizingly, my eyes trying so desperately to not look down at his thighs that I've spent so much time thinking about.

"Really?" I ask with a cute tilt of my head.

"Damn right." He nods with a proud smile, crossing his arms across his chest as my mouth waters, eyes tracing the dips of his biceps. "As he should be. You're fucking scary, man." Fez scoffs and my brows raise, my aching heart swelling with pride at his compliment.

He's not a man of many words so when his words kind and thoughtful, it means something.

"Yeah well, there's not many female dealers out there. I need to give them a name." I explain but he just shakes his head, understanding that Lori and I are the only ones around here who are even recognized as actually accredited dealers and not just random 'bits of ass' used by the male dealers.

Yes, I've actually been called that.

"You're doing a damn good job." I forget for a moment, after looking into his eyes for too long, that he's here for business and that he's, sadly, not here to flatter me like he would probably like to.

"Thanks Fezco." I smile, eyes flickering away from his own so he can't see right through my tough exterior into the interior that's completely and utterly soft for him (and his little brother though you'd never catch me admitting that. "I can spot you some molly. On one condition."

"Anythin', I'm desperate, dude." He leans towards me, biceps stretching the fabric of his t-shirt in a way that has my head spinning, my previous snarky comment thrown out the window. Fucking ass.

"You owe me dinner." I stutter out, clearing my throat to disguise the crack in my voice. Fez's eyebrows sky rocket, a cocky smile slipping across his lips and he nods as if he's processing.

"Is that right?" He teases and I immediately roll my eyes, trying to brush his joking demeanor off and I prepare myself for possible rejections. "You like Chinese?" His questions, though, restores all anxiety that I had in that brief moment of insecurity, my eyes widening in excitement.

"Of course I do." I respond breathlessly, pushing bags full of molly across the table towards him and he sends me a wink.

"I'll pick you up at eight."

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o- Taglist: @bubblebuttwade @rafelover2405 @leslienjazzy @sorceresss @grxnde-dwt @alex–awesome–22 @bunnietoof @niyamar1e @serialghost @plantlungs @geniusohn @akaliltimmytim @lilaalouuxx @xshariex @elliotsbeigeguitar @elle4404 @lelieja @srhxpci @joselyn001 @taysirene @spinkspanther @thedivineuphoria @peter-maximoffs @tsukishimawhore @poohkie90 @szlaco @distantsighs @nstyles4299 @wolflover384 @givemefoodandlovesstuff @vane28282 @yeswhatever33 @amirrahfranson @vvaalleennttiinna @f-mu @yaspillz @jeyramarie @skylievin@abbybarnes17 @jointherebellion215 @visiondaddy @steezysimfinds @its-ya-gay-boi-luigi @crunchytoenailsyum@glizzymcguirex @beth123lg @melovesmut @rafecameronswhore @ariianelle @write-from-the heart @vampviolets@haylee-e @honee-chai-tea @lokiandbuckywife

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[zombeesknees]

currently in the life of the angie bee:

my sense of time is strangely broken, because it's almost 6pm but my brain is all, "gosh, it's not even noon yet!" and i have no fuckin idea why.

i've been deodorizing and washing and cleaning the house all day because i feel like there's a particularly sour smell throughout it, but now i'm wondering if it's me, and i don't know why i'm suddenly smelling so sour??? like, it's not a sweat smell, it's a sour, musty smell, and i'm still using the same shampoo and body washes i always do, and it's not as if my diet's changed significantly, so wth is going on??? IS IT A SIGN THAT I'M DYING OF SOME WEIRD DISEASE??? i know folks with diabetes sometimes smell strangely sweet, but i've never heard of something that makes you smell sour. OR IS IT ALL IN MY HEAD AND PSYCHOSOMATIC??? i'm not just gonna go up to someone and be like, "do you think i smell weird?"

quint remains one of the Characters of All-Time (and a Happy Jaws Day to all who celebrate it).

(yeah, i don't celebrate the 4th, what a bullshit holiday, we have nothing to be proud of as a country, especially these days.)

dropped $288 this morning on two and a half weeks-worth of groceries for one person. and that was buying basic, off-brand shit. how the fuck did we get to this.

slight silver lining: i have today, tomorrow, and the full weekend off, and i get to spend time with joel tomorrow AND see shara and nichole on sunday.

i set my reading goal for the year at 50 books (something i didn't come close to achieving last year, thanks to a reading block that set in in march and didn't let up for the rest of the year). and in the last two weeks i hit 54 books (almost all of them new-to-me, which is ALSO amazing). my unmedicated ADHD bullshit may still be preventing me from watching new shows and movies, but at least it's eased off on the reading front.

a new dude joined our book club this week and he's CUTE and likes fantasy and is a high school social studies/history teacher, and we discussed character archetypes for like ten minutes. maybe next club meeting i'll actually give him my number and ask him out.

wimsey has spent a full week in the flower donut collar thanks to scratching his chin raw and bloody. vet recced treating him with revolution in case it's because of mites, washing the wound with a special antibiotic flush, and keeping him in the collar until everything's fully healed/his fur grows back in. makes for a hella grompy flower:

god, leverage really is just the best show. doesn't matter how many times i watch it; i'm forever delighted and impressed with just how well written/constructed/everything it is. that's my emotional support family of thieves, your honor.

i'm getting SO CLOSE to filling out the final gaps in the current sections of my hazeldine WIP, and i really do think i'm gonna have to split it into two volumes instead of making it all vol. 6 as i had originally planned. but IF i do that, that means vol. 6 is gonna HAVE to end on a significant cliffhanger, which i typically try to avoid. (yes, technically all of the previous vols have ended on cliffhangers, since this is a continuing story spread over several volumes. but they haven't been LITERAL cliffhangers, with someone on the verge of death or something.) i don't like when books in a series i'm reading do that, so i try not to inflict that on my own readers. but perhaps i can mitigate it slightly by making sure both vols 6 AND 7 are fully polished/ready for printing, and release them like a month apart or something, so there isn't a huge wait in between...

FINALLY finished the replacement cross-stitch sampler of lighthouses for a gal from work (the first one got lost in the mail beginning of last month). now i can continue working on the Yee Dudes series for my bud jordan <3

but also i'm gonna try to design a pattern for myself re: a dracula joke that keeps popping into my head: descending the castle, lizard-fashion. i'm probably the only person who is THIS delighted/amused by that joke, but i'll enjoy stitching something for myself for a change, lol.

[radio-ghost-cooks]

liveblogging my one piece binge: ep 3

spoilers for one piece episode 3 below

not related to the anime but i nearly got virus'd this time thank fuck i'm good at closing windows amirite

hey wait i just noticed why does Usopp's egg make a lazer beam noise

oh right. for those of you rejoining us: imminent death.

*casually* you're a fucking hellspawn. yeah sure i'll fight alongside you. gimme my swords.

oh finally the Devil Fruits lore. i already knew this bit so i'm pretty proud of myself

man the enemies give these guys a long time to monologue. i like the touch of the clouds passing overhead

YEAAAAAAAH WE GOT ZORO!!!

Luffy was like personally offended by the no-name comment

why does Zoro stand so cuntily (not like i'm complaining)

HE'S ALREADY CALLING LUFFY HIS CAPTAIN I FUCKING LOVE THESE TWO

i'd make the "i don't cook for no man" joke but i'm literally a foodservice worker. anyway can you tell i'm attached to Zoro already

OH OKAY SO GIRLIE IS SEARCHING FOR SMTH

okay i gotta ask. who is cutting her hair bc those sides are two totally different lengths (still pretty tho)

WAIT ITS THAT CLOWN DUDE ALREADY????

ZORO'S SPLASHSCREEN LET'S FUCKIN GO

sorry i'm yelling a lot but i just love all of these goobers sm already

"so how many shipmates do you have aside from me?" hehe. about that.

"i think Luffy-san was born without the ability to think things through!"

real talk snorting liquids out of ur nose hurts like fire and i'm impressed by Coby's ability to scream immediately after snarfing orange juice out of his nose (really hoping snarfing is a made up word)

"it's the most dangerous place in the world!" Luffy: "that sign won't stop me because i can't read!"

Luffy: solving problems with fistfights since 2012

YOU GO COBY!!!! GET YOUR DREAMS BOY!!!!!!!!

welp time to add another excitable anime protag to the "i'm doing it for my father" list /pos

[patchdotexe]

HEEEEYY OKAY SO (YOU TOTALLY DONT HAVE TO ANSWER THIS) BUT. If there was a hypothetical reconciliation between Swears & Friend, how do you think it would go?

(No I am NOT brainrotting over ur little shapes again) (and no I am NOT trying to find new, potential drawing material with them)

HWHUGHWUGHGGHUGH . ok i definitely had stuff planned out for this at one point but my brain is swiss cheese so im gonna fuck it we ball

friend at one point kinda stumbled into the mindset of "if i want to be a hero i need to be like swears" bc trying to be Themself uhhhh. got them fuckin Blasted in annihilate. among other things. except trying to copy swears / fill in for them when they got shattered did Basically Nothing bc sovereign just kinda Ignored Them and they feel like they made things worse instead

(what friend is good at is. being literally friend-shaped. theyre just a little guy and they try to connect with people and are more emotional rather than physical. this is something i didnt get to explore much but that i would love to riff on more if i ever redid ja&b)

so yknow. eventually in a story arc we didnt do, friend manages to save the day through the power of love ([swears voice] and this really big triangle i found) but still feels like they arent doing anything Right. and it takes swears, who is more action than thought, a bit to finally catch on to What The Issue Is bc even though stuff should be fine now For Some Reason It Isn't

swears is really, really bad at any sort of emotional conversation. their go-to is snarky jabs and irreverent quips and distancing themself from Feelings as much as possible. this is why the duet Get Along Shirt situation was such a nightmare for them bc they kinda Couldnt, or at least not for long. so it would be awkward, and clumsy, but they eventually fumble their way into telling friend that theyre proud of them and never thought any less of them, even with all of the blunders along the way. because friend's got their back! so theyll have friend's in return. and its literally been that way Since They Were Made. theyre a package deal do not separate etc etc.

CIRCLE: ...you mean it? SQUARE: 'Course I do. Why wouldn't I? It's been you and me since forever, and there's no way I would've gotten this far without you. CIRCLE: But I thought... I... I keep getting in the way. SQUARE: Dude, I get in the way of myself, you're not special. --Uh, I mean. SQUARE: Look, even if you mess up sometimes, we always pull it back in the end. (And I think we've established nothing can kill me in a way that matters?) CIRCLE: Only because you fix what I mess up. SQUARE: And you make it so I can be here to fix. Someone's gotta remind me what I'm doing all this for.

IM. VERY RUSTY AT WRITING THEM BUT YOU GET THE POINT I THINK

[mod-kyoko]

Saw your requests were open, could I request Fuyuhiko x reader fluff? Like they're in the part of the killing game where everyone's stuck in the fun house and y/n keeps having nightmares so she seeks him out? Sorry if this is too specific.

i don't know how long it's been since you've sent this ask and i feel incredibly guilty about it so i'm just going to answer it because i need some writing material anyway!

also, don't worry about being "too specific," it actually helps me a lot because i don't have to do as much planning

fuyuhiko comforts you after a nightmare (female reader)

as if the killing game couldn't get any scarier, you were stuck with one of the worse rooms of the fun house. the one with the rickety bed, moldy walls and ceiling, and general sketchy atmosphere

you were already prone to nightmares, but the unusually thin walls and all those weirdly shaped shadows made them even worse tonight

your dreams decided to haunt you with the death of your s/o this particular night

what woke you up was the sight of fuyu's body bashed and bloody in the elevator of the fun house

that silhouette of a coat rack in the corner sent you flying out of your bed and to the door

it was way after midnight but way before morning, so everyone else was asleep

thankfully, the lights were on in the hallways at all times

the nightmare had left you trembling and sweating, clutching onto the wall as you made your way to your lover's room

by the time you reached his door, you were nearly hyperventilating and about to fall to your knees

all your strength was used to slam your fist on his door before tears in your eyes consumed your vision

you didn't see anything that happened next, only heard it, because you had closed your eyes while the sobs pulsed through your chest

fuyuhiko had opened the door, groggy, rubbing his eyes

as soon as he saw you, though, he was alert and stiff

his first instinct was to yank you into the room and lock the door, in case someone was chasing you

"hey, pretty, tell me what happened. did someone do this to you?"

it took a while for you to calm your breathing enough to speak a coherent sentence, so for thirty seconds you clutched onto his t shirt and buried your face in his chest

"had... a nightmare... you were murdered."

his hands were cupping your face so fast, forcing you to look up at him

"hey, look at me. who's the ultimate yakuza here? right, it's me. these guys can't touch me, doll. i've got us."

"now wipe those tears away, and come get in bed with me, huh? you let me handle those bad dreams, i'll knock 'em in their fuckin' skulls."

the rest of the night was spent in fuyu's arms

he waited for you to fall asleep first, playing with your hair to soothe you

once you were sleeping soundly he would finally let himself go as well, never releasing his hold on you

♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧

dude omfg that was such a great request 😳

i tried to get a little more experimental with my writing and yall might not notice the difference but i'm pretty proud of myself

-mod kyoko

[chocolate-failure]

🐿🐲🐶⛰️🍗🐥🐈‍⬛🐻

163

Idk... I went to the ateez concert and really enjoyed it. I dressed up and looked nice. I worked really hard on the fit and made alterations to stuff I bought, it was mostly light sewing but I feel like my hair alone is a feat to most. I do my own hair and I'm exceedingly proud of this particular style. I used a technique where you feed in additional hair in the braid as you're braiding for the first time and it came out really nice. I did a really good job and put a bunch of effort and thought into the outfit.

Yet I feel fucking horrible.

I saw my ribs for the first time in a long ass time this past weekend. Not just when I raise my arms cuz of course that doesn't count. It was ungodly fucking hot and of course I ended up not eating anything all day and having limited water cuz the venue makes it hard af to stay hydrated after they call you in and line you up. But it's kinda wild to think 163lbs/74kg is when my ribs are visible. I'm a large mfkr. Not crazy big but big enough to feel dysphoric surrounded by a bunch of tiny people who wish they were as big as me. I think that's part of the reason the VAV concert had me so fuckin stressed. I was also stressed cuz I was looking these dudes in the eye when I remember them being so much taller than me. I could've honestly cried. I haven't felt so ugly and oafish since middle school.

But I can see my ribs.

And that should be the only thing that matters, right? Idk... it feels like anytime I'm perceived by the world I want to fuckin die? Like being in the world and being known is so goddamn distressing. Someone took a pic of my car that went semi-viral which was p cool cuz I thought noone gave a shit about the things I did and made and think they do but as far as I understand I don't matter. Which like I kind of assumed but I got a lil excited to know that ppl thought my car looked cool that maybe idk ppl would be interested in other stuff I did and made. That was dumb. I'm not dumb but I have exceedingly dumb thoughts. I feel like that makes me a dumb person but I am constantly reminded that it doesn't. I don't know how. Not truly. I get that there is nuance and that life happens on a spectrum but at some point you get enough "dumb dumb" points that you're just a "dumb dumb".

I keep putting this down but the words in my head are circling, threatening to suffocate me within an inch of my life.

I've been on the cusp of screaming for decades.

I'm sick. I've been in bed for the past 3 days and I hate it. Since covid I get sick at the drop of a hat. Makes wanting to enter the world even less attractive when it poses a significant threat to both my mental and physical health. I do think I'd like to die. But like just so that I can't continue living this life. I hate this planet. I thought last night if aliens came and asked me if all of humankind should be eradicated, what would I say. I don't think we've done good for this planet outside of what we've done for ourselves, and I don't think our impact on ourselves is at a net positive. I don't think it's a matter of whether we deserve it, we never did and that's not the point. But I do think I'd be kind of an asshole to keep people from doing all the things they'd been planning for and anticipating. But being as mentally ill as I am I'm certainly not in a position to be making sweeping decisions for all of us. I'm not even sure if I'm one of us...

I know I don't matter, but it stings a little to be reminded so bluntly. I feel the need to reinvent myself. Recede into the shadows, form my fucking chrysalis, and emerge covered on my own shit. And not so much reinvent as evolve, but how much evolving can an individual inact before life's fabric rubs thin?

[alabasterandpitch]

This is probably gonna end up a garbled word salad. I'm just vomiting my insecurities, please don't take this too seriously

Realtalk, the Tumblr community is a wonderful place to find like-minded folks who share your fucked up interests and obsessions and mental illnesses, and it's honestly really nice to share that with someone as I start down the neuro-questioning rabbit hole myself. I don't think I really appreciated how closed-off I'd let that part of myself get these last few years.

But shit if this site doesn't make me feel like hot garbage as a (semi)straight man sometimes. And on some level I get it; even if we're not all oppressive agents of The Patriarchy™, there's a lot of privilege being seen as part of the in-group of society's Default Setting™. Even though I don't really fit the typical ideal of masculinity in a lot of ways, I'm still spared a tremendous amount of grief purely by virtue of being visibly male-presenting, so I'm hardly the target-demographic on Tumblr. I have my own axe to grind with societal perceptions and expectations of masculinity, but we'll save that for another day.

Tumblr is a community that focuses on uplifting and empowering marginalized groups and bringing together artists and weirdoes and eccentrics and people who might otherwise feel utterly isolated and alone, and that's such an amazing and laudable thing. I think it's more necessary than ever in the world today to have communities that celebrate all sorts of marginalized people that we don't see reflected in Mainstream Society's version of things, whether they be LGBTQ+, POC, ND, or anyone who wants to break free from the box of restrictive societal norms they feel trapped by.

Believe me, the absolute last thing I wanna do as a straight(ish) cis man is show up at The Designated LGBTQ+ Hellsite™ and start whining: 'bUt WhAt AbOuT mE?1?!?'.' But I'd be lying if I said it didn't feel a little shitty sometimes to rediscover such a vibrant community of people I can actually relate to, who makes my weird brain feel a little less alone, only to feel like I stumbled uninvited into a party nobody wants me at.

I guess I often don't feel like I'm intrinsically desirable as a man on the scrawny, introverted end of the spectrum (hardy har), and I know that's on me to deal with in therapy.

It would just be nice to see a little more male-positivity

To all the lads, boys, men -- whatever word you want! -- out there, you're fuckin killin' it dude and I'm goddamn proud of you. Don't hesitate to check in with yourself and dump out all the emotional shit from time to time, and for the love of all that is holy, don't give yourself a second less time and love than you would give to your dearest friend in need.

My asks are always open if you wanna vent to someone who knows the struggle.

[willalove75]

okay, so I've had this fantasy about lady D and a maid. They're already full established in a relationship for like 15 years, totally comfortable. I'd love to see them play out exploring new things in the bedroom, like roleplay or something. But I've had this one fantasy if seeing play out in a fic, and I LOVE your writing, so i know you're the one for the job!! I'd love to see them in bed snuggling after being intimate. Like, dirty, rough, primal sex. And while they're laying there together, Alcina gets up to get a glass of "wine", looking back at Y/N and just DROPS HER THICK GIGGLE TRUCK ON HER FACE AND JUST FUCKIN RIIIIIPPPSSS ONE, DUDE! JUST BUSSIN THE BOOTY HORN RIGHT ON HER FACE, BABY! WOOO!!!!!

But in all seriousness, Babe. Your writing has improved SO MUCH since you've started. You've reached and touched so many people in such a short amount of time and are finally seeing the greatness of your mind and creativity that I have seen in you all along. I am so incredibly proud of you for putting yourself and your art out there for others to absorb and enjoy. I'm so glad you finally have an outlet for your mind to blosom and escape into at the end of the day where you can gain a better understanding of your craft and yourself. I love you so much! Don't ever stop doing this. You're too good at it to keep it from the world. Here's to 1000 more followers, My Love!

I'm am literally just sitting at my desk, laughing my ass off, and shaking my head thinking to myself "yup, this is who I fucking married. I CHOSE to spend the rest of my life with this guy"

To think for a second I thought I got a legit ask and then quickly learned you were just fucking trolling me again🤦‍♀️😂😂

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Thanks for always supporting me and my weird little hobbies my love! I definitely wouldn't have been able to keep this up for as long as I have been it if hasn't been for your unwavering love and support💕 I love you so fucking much.

[mandiemegatron]

Bro that anon is so funny cause like??? It isn't?? Just Law??? You're out here smooching so many of these boys and like, that's what we're here for. Why are they here? Uh? Leave? Don't like it? Leave!

Also you've got quite the Gundam? Transformers? (Not sure, I'm not very knowledgeable about either if I'm honest) Collection behind you in that vid. I had no idea that was an interest of yours, that's rad!

You're so right my dude, like be fuckin fr here, if you can't tell what this blog obviously enjoys, you're in the wrong place 😂😂😂😂 I'm not gunna stop reblogging what I enjoy .... on my blog ??? Like what??

Honestly it's actually hilarious at this point, I actually laugh so hard at those kind of asks now because I'm not gunna be mad if people unfollow me. It doesn't make me upset or anything bc I am literally doing this for funsies, and for my mutuals who love the same things I do.

I'm not here to make a name for myself, other than being just Mandie. 🤷‍♀️

Also, thank you!! They are indeed Transformers!! I have a small collection from over the years but I'm very proud of it nevertheless 🥰🥰🥰🥰 pics below cut

I do love me my Transformers 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 thank you again for your ask, it's people like you that make it fun to run this blog !! 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

[eyelessdoll-y]

My drawing tablet has finally arrived! 💕💕 LOOK AT THIS GAOMON s620!!

Thanks to my beloved commission clients, I was able to buy a tablet to draw better! Yes! Yes! YES!!! Each of them went far beyond precious to contribute to my evolution, where I can buy my own tools myself! It's not a really great brand like HUION, or WACOM, but KKKKK dude I LOVE ANYWAY!!! 😍😍😍

LOOK THE NAME IN THE PEN!

I want to thank everyone from the heart, not just the one who pays for my art, but everyone who follows my blog and made me get where I am! I'm so thrilled, you have no notion of how much my heart goes doki doki being so proud and grateful for having people that one day gave me hands and guided me by the fandom, where I met everyone! Where I started my future!

This is my beginning. Where I'm going to start. No matter where I get with my art, I'm going to to make IT CLEAR That I started HERE! On tumblr, with this table, WITH YOU ALL!!

Thank you very much!!! LET'S FUCKIN DRAW!! MUITO OBRIGADA!!! 💕💕💕💕💕👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

GAOMON s620 on Aliexpress < link do produto || It's practically a huion 2.0 only cheaper! Great for those who want to start!

[hartshorn-and-isinglass]

(I see we're toeing a line again, Marve...)

I'm sitting in a front-row seat of the old auditorium, staring at an empty stage dimly lit by a single shaft of light coming through one of the back doors. I hear footfalls as someone makes their way down the rows.

"Is this seat taken?"

It's not the Muse. Not the current one, anyway.

"Wait a minute. What the hell are you doing here?"

They shrug. "Hey, it's your brain. You tell me." They look around. "I haven't seen this part of your head before. How come you never invited me up here?"

"I didn't even know I had an entire-ass auditorium in my head until recently. There's a lot of things I'm discovering about my mind these days. I mean, I didn't even know you were still in my head. But I guess none of you ever really leave, do you."

"Yeah, we're all still here. I've met the other Muses in the break room next to your hippocampus." They slide into the seat next to me. "Seriously though. You look like you've been having a bad day. Do you wanna talk about it?"

My voice cracks. "I'm fine."

"Marve." They put an arm around me. "If I'm here, it's probably because things are not fine."

Hot tears well up in my eyes. I try to laugh it off, but immediately realize the absurdity of trying to conceal my feelings when I'm literally sitting inside my own head next to the manifestation of some aspect of my personality.

"Yeah... okay. I'm not fine. There's a whole bunch of emotional baggage that I've apparently been holding onto since I was in high school, just a mess of weird perfectionism and impostor syndrome and depression and loneliness. That would be why you're here; my brain isn't exactly subtle about like, symbolism and shit."

I lean against them. "You were seriously one of the few good things about my teenage years, you know that, right? I looked up to you because you were like, this absolute fuckin' weirdo who I could relate to and who was also successful." I feel their shoulders heave with a barely suppressed chuckle. "No seriously," I continue. "You gave me hope that there might be a place in the world for me after all."

"There absolutely is a place for you in the world. But you know why? Because you carved one out for yourself. You did that. That's something you can be proud of."

"But now what? What was all that surviving for? When will I finally have something to show for it all?"

"Wait, seriously? You don't think you have anything to show- ohhh. You don't think you have anything good enough for the Muse. That's what this is."

I look up at them. "Hold up. Do I detect a hint of... jealousy?"

"You didn't have any hangups about showing me your work. I'm just wondering out loud what's different this time."

"Oh my God, dude."

"I realize this may sound rich coming from me of all people, but... you don't actually have to impress the Muse just because they inspired you."

"This isn't really about them, though."

"Oh? Because there's a giant corkboard posted in the chart room of your prefrontal cortex labeled 'Five-Year Plan for Getting Noticed by Senpai' that has gone through numerous revisions over the last eight months."

"Who let you into my prefrontal cortex?!"

"Marve, I'm a figment of your imagination. No one's going to badge me when I show up. But back to the point... if you're going to use us as your yardstick for whether or not your limerence has gotten out of hand, I'm going to remind you that you didn't have a five-year plan to get my attention back in the day."

"I didn't plan for anything back then. I didn't see the point. In an alternate timeline I might have, though."

"So you have more control over your life now, but you want to devote it to maybe impressing someone you've never even met?"

"They're a stand-in for me. Until I can like myself enough to be my own motivation again."

"But this limerent devotion isn't helping you if it's making you feel inadequate and anxious."

"At least something is motivating me again. I just need a reason to keep going until I can find the next reason to keep going."

"Your five-year plan doesn't include any solid strategy to transition away from chasing after the Muse as your main source of motivation. If this whole thing is only supposed to be a narrative frame for your own personal growth, where and how exactly does personal growth fit into this narrative?"

I slide off their shoulder down into my seat and sigh. "Hell of a way to get called out by my own brain."

"Marve, you know I don't hand out compliments of any kind lightly. When I said that I was impressed by how smart and talented you were, I meant it. And now I also know what extraordinary inner strength you have in you, too. You have no reason to consider yourself inadequate. If this weirdo- if you meet them IRL and they don't like you, that's on them, not you."

"...you're a little jealous."

"I'm not. Granted, I do have some... questions about their whole deal. But what I really care about is keeping you from running yourself into the ground again. You say you know who this is really for, but I think the boundaries have gotten too fuzzy and it's time for you to pull back and refocus on you."

"Dear God. This is possibly the weirdest pep talk I've ever received from my own brain."

"I hope it means something, to hear it coming from me. Don't forget that there have always been people out there rooting for you. Including myself."

They lean over and kiss my cheek. "I'll see you in your dreams, Marvy. I'm usually somewhere in there if you're doing the Inception Architect thing. Come find me and say hi."

With that, they get up to leave. I watch them go, still trying to process everything that's just transpired.

[chungledown-bimothy]

LoL Worlds 2023 Finals Reaction Post

instead of a million text posts, i'm gonna just make this one extremely long one.

oh my god t1's first draft. they are not here to fuck around. but also if they don't get a solid early game advantage then uh. fear.

if that was damn near any midlaner other than xiaohu, that would have been first blood for sure. but SO well counterplayed by weibo wow

if i have to watch t1 lose worlds finals to jayce again i'm going to delete that goddamn champion from the entire game.

weiwei is doing WORK keeping weibo in this.

t1's neutral objective control my god

eyyyy atlus ty for the cloud soul

weiwei didn't die???? just maokai things jfc

what does this literally perfect neutral objective control mean if you can't fuckin win a skirmish though

XIAOHU DIDN'T DIE????

yeah okay lost the dragon and the stacking delay isn't great but the won fight is big. both gold wise and mentally

bengi isn't here D:

keria. the love of my life. guma looked dead to rights, but keria simply will not allow that.

i was so afraid zeus wouldn't be able to stand up to theshy. that really was my biggest fear for this series, and it is so reassuring that he absolutely is

god it's only 28 minutes into game 1 and i'm already struggling to stay awake

zeus fucking melted that dragon holy shit

hell yeah boys, 2 more games of that <3 <3 <3

DRAVEN!

yeah okay there's the yone ban lol

nocturne? oooh oner is feeling himself today

this is such a fun draft omg. still very scared about top lane, but the big picture t1's put together is fantastic. looove watching t1 play that clean, clean macro.

hmm don't love that start for the bot lane. not idea.

holy shit theshy (impressed) holy shit theshy (my dude you're throwing)

THE EXECUTE zeus is the only god i worship actually

wow i've got way fewer thoughts this game. the time is catching up to me and i'm too eepy for that much thought lol

lmao guma just looked at crisp and he exploded. and oner's ults have been so, so good this whole game

i know it's hope that kills you. and it's been very, very rough to watch t1's finals appearances these last few years, so i've not really let myself hope. but i can't help it at this point

zeus series mvp, but oner deserves it too

MATCH POINT LET'S FUCKING GOOOO

i really hope they stay together if they win. i don't want to have to divide my loyalties.

...oh god what if they win and then faker retires.

BENGI'S NOT THERE OH NO i'd forgored D:

xayah rakan ^_^ ^_^ ^_^

brad is fun but like. weird choice so early on imo

akali! lee sin! you fucking love to see it

lmao imagine picking kennen into zeus. the aatrox is a ballsy choice, but he's absolutely earned that at this point

oner and zeus own this series.

awww man that grand entrance was so good it's tragic it wasn't quite enough

i have so many more thoughts about this game than i have the energy to make coherent let alone type oop

damn that herald just isn't gonna die good for them

FAKER TRIPLE KILL and he's so focused it doesn't even register on his face

and he just. keeps. going. then zeus cleans up with the double kill.

fuck i have to pee so bad but i can't miss a second of this live

that should have been a pick onto keria. but no, 2 kills for t1. jfc

this is it. they've done it. oh my fucking god.

we've hit hitting them with their wallets territory. idk maybe there's some miracle somewhere but not really. not with t1 playing like this. not with their lead.

HOW DID ZEUS NOT DIE

oh my god they did it they're so cute i cannot see what i'm typing through the tears

the first professional league i ever watched was the last time t1 won worlds.

AND THEY'RE IN KOREA FUCKING HELL

holy shit they did it. fuck i'm so fucking proud of them

faker was so casual about the win, too. that boy i swear to god i have never wanted to suck a dick so bad in my life